#i just got back from this really stressful event and i dont feel like reading through replies rn about the entire lore of therianthropy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

yuri-is-online · 1 year ago

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Hi Yuri! I hope you are doing well<333 I really enjoy reading your writing and I am always more fond of reading the little octatrio fish gang! I dont really know how this usually works because I never send in any asks at all nor do I see your rules list or anything but if you dont mind I would like to make a request<3

A mc who finds an out of tune and old piano and fondly remembers that they used to play piano back in their world. And perhaps Azul hears in on this and despite the piano being old and out of tune, it is rather beautiful how you play it because of how imperfect the notes are being played out. (SORRY I WAS LISTENING TO FALLEN DOWN AND THE FEELINGS WERE JUST SURGING AND THE BRAINROT WAS TOO MUCH)

You dont have to force yourself or anything! Please take care and dont feel too pressured! <3

The Most Romantic of All Arts (Azul Ashengrotto x Yuu)

Hello dear friend and I am doing quite well thank you! I'm pleased you like my writing; the octotrio is what finally cracked my resolve to check out Twisted Wonderland and put FGO on the back burner so I suppose I shouldn't beat myself up too much for writing about them so much. I am sorry I caused you stress with my lack of rules, I don't usually send requests or asks myself, so I felt really bad to have frightened you. Not too sure if this will end up being what you had in mind, it got away from me a bit.

Also when you say Fallen Down, you do mean the Undertale soundtrack piece right? It's a soothing song I listened to it while I was plotting this to try and get into a similar headspace.

notes: they/them used for Yuu, header taken from the painting Spirit by George Roux (1885) which I found on this wordpres blog article I took the title from, it's a neat painting, Azul learning to find beauty and love in imperfections is important to me ok? Other works can be found on my masterlist here.

Sometimes you wonder if Ramshakle is sentient. The old building has more rooms than you know what to do with, and lovely as the ghosts are they don't fully remember what they were used for, if they remembered in the first place. But still there was something about those rooms that seemed to love you; he guest room almost built itself up around you, the kitchen had only needed some basic repairs before it was ready to help play host again, and no matter where a fire place was found it was always eager to burst to life and warm you and Grim.

It does not have the same love for Azul, he'd complained as much when you talked about just what it was he wanted with the building after the events of his overblot had cooled between you.

"It's got a graveyard in front of it, though?" That really had been the crux of your whole argument. It was hard to be annoyed with his laugh when it sounded so nice, the genuine amusement a refreshing difference to his previous performitive indifference.

"Yes," he muses, sipping at his real before he continues, "I'm not bothered by that much, ghosts and grave ships aren't uncommon sights under the sea, but I always forget how unusual humans think they are."

"There's a lot of superstitions about places where people are buried." You mean it as an explanation, but it brings an odd look to Azul's face, like there's an emotion bubbling beneath his surface he doesn't want to acknowledge but is too strong to suppress. It settles over you both, as you try to focus on drinking your tea while your host seems content to let his grow cold.

"Well, I suppose it's a good thing that ruin isn't really sentient." He sounds almost bitter, disappointed in how long he has let his drink cool you decide as he reaches for the pot and warms it with some fresh tea. "Otherwise, I'd accuse it of trying to keep you."

It's a silly thought, but the sight of this latest discovery really does have you wondering. You are supposed to be in that wonderfully accommodating kitchen making snacks for when Azul decides to "coincidentally drop by" later this evening to "go over the Lounge's expenses" in your guest room. On a Tuesday. When it was almost guaranteed business would be slow enough to keep anyone from wondering too hard about where he'd gone or the twins from being too upset about running things. But instead of "just wanting to try" a new recipe, you are here, tucked in a room just a bit further down the hall from the guest room watching Grim give his best impression of Ace after completing a magic trick. Because stars know he has never seen any other magicians.

"TA-DA!" He puts both of his paws out to really sell the piano at the window. "See, I told you I had a great surprise!"

"I'm sorry for not believing you." You say and try not to laugh with just how much more proud that seems to make him. "But where did you find this? Or how I guess, unless you moved it?"

"Nah." He shakes his head before remembering he's supposed to be the "great" Grim. "I mean I could have! But I'm just so cool I managed to find a piano here already, so all I had to do was clean it up instead! You're welcome henchuman." You scratch just behind his ears and politely ignore his purrs as you examine the piano and its bench. They're old, likely just as ancient as everything else in the dormitory and likely extremely, achingly out of tune. But the mere sight of it makes your fingers itch, and Grim barely has to whine "Well ain't you gonna play somethin'?" Before you're at the bench, experimentally pressing the keys to try and sound out something.

Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are-

You hum it rather than sing, irrationally worried Grim will somehow figure out it's a lullaby and complain that you're babying him instead of cutely dancing along with the music like it's one of the cassettes Deuce let you borrow. He cheers for another, and you oblige, letting your muscle memory carry you as far as it can as you try searching your brain for just what it was you wanted most to hear from yourself after all this time being unable to play.

And missing the click of a heavy door down the hall in the effort.

Azul hears nothing at first, and though it does disappoint, it does not bother him. He's had a long day, one about to be made longer still by the grey zone already draping itself around his thoughts as he shrugs his blazer off to his shoulders while en route to the Ramshackle guest room. He pauses, for what he tells himself is only going to be second, at the kitchen door and is left unrewarded for his detour.

You aren't there: and that does bother him somewhat, even if it should not if his pretext is to be believed. These visits were too commonplace to be random, but maybe you'd made plans, deciding not to look past his excuses for the evening. Maybe you were asleep, tired of the day or just plain tired of him. But there is a kettle sat on it's base, mercifully not on just yet, but two mugs and the pour over cone set next to as if it was expecting company. The nerves remain knotted in his stomach, though the cause shifts towards something more welcome.

So you do have a mug purposefully set aside and designated just for him, and is that a little recpie card with notes on coffee taped to that tin? These things should worry him, the picture he snaps and immediately hides in a folder should be for a purpose. But it's separate from those ones, labeled something inane and barely full with how careful he is to have his longing remain unseen. He wonders, briefly if it would be an intrusion to make the drinks himself. If it would reveal to much to show outright he knows the way you take yours instead of just saying it in time with your order, but knows that would not be the exact issue here. He is a guest, and guests limit themselves to the halls and that room he forces himself, with haste that would be noticeable if you were there to see it, back down the hall and back towards the guest room. Azul has work to do, he can content himself with the warmth the mental image the cups on the counter produces until something forces him to pause at a door once more. The piano is old, droning out a tune that is unpolished and rusty from the player's lack of practice but filled with such a specific sort of joy it has him actually running towards it.

You sit at the bench, a serious look of determination on your face so unlike the usual Yuu it can't help but be cute. Grim sleeps contentedly on your lap as you continue searching for the threads of melody still trapped inside your head from years of only occasionally reluctant practice. It's an unfamiliar tune in composition, but not in feel. There's words to this song, maybe not in the form of lyrics, but there all the same for him to stumble even closer to as he comes to a halting stop just behind you and the music ends in a surprised crash as you whip your head around to see him.

"Azul!"

"Very sorry to interrupt." He holds up both hands in surrender, composure only just maintained as you check to see Grim still asleep and laugh nervously. "I didn't know you could play."

"Can't really." You say somewhat bitterly and more confidence comes to Azul as a slight plan froms in his mind. "I'm really out of practice ugh. I know it shouldn't annoy me! But with how everything's been since I showed up, it's just not been on my mi- Oh hello?"

Azul fully removes his jacket and sets it on a side table close to where he had been satanding, moving to sit on the bench next to you. He has enough mercy not to loosen his tie or do anything else scandalous, but the close examination he gives to the keys could have fooled you. "Pity it's so out of tune, this is a nice piano."

"I know right! I'm really happy Grim found it." You resist the urge to poke his cheeks some and Azul lightly, trying not to too openly relish in your surprise reaches one arm around your back to place his hands into a similar position as you had been earlier, tucking you close to his side.

"May I?" He's smug. Too smug it's robbing you of sanity.

"What's it going to cost?" You try too hard not to sound like you're flailing as you look to see your question hasn't even phased him at all.

"Oh normally I wouldn't dream of charging for a performance," he clearly lies "but it's been such a long day I wouldn't say no to a cup of coffee." And he's off, music only marred by the off key of the piano in a clearly purposeful display of talent meant to sear itself into your mind enough that you don't think about his request too long. You and he are from two different worlds, but he knows that music has a way of gapping that if the stories of the mermaid princess told him anything at all. So when he purposefully slows the song at its end, he knows you know, that tricky smile he swore once he'd always hate kicking his heartbeat up again as you lean fully against his shoulder.

"Beautiful." You say, not bothering to give the compliment direction as he can't help but agree. "We should play together next time."

"I-" You pick yourself up and what he wants to say slows when you pick up his jacket for him and hold out a hand. Later, he all to easily decides. Later, without Grim and with specific time set purposefully aside so you know just how much it matters. "I would like that. You'll have to show me the songs that you can remember from your world." And he takes your hand just to soothe some of the ache, trying and failing not to show just how happy he is when you keep it.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #<3 asks #i really love old paintings and actually ended up making this one my phone bg #so thank you v much for sending me this request annon idk if i would have found it otherwise

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sachiko6243 · 7 months ago

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Dont look at me like that

Summary: Cory and Spock retreat into his meditation room after a very stressful day. Taking slow steps, both are equally surprised with the sudden need for intimate affection

Word count: 6011

Warnings: smut, rough smut, fluff, teasing, slight Dom! Spock, fingering, minors DNI this contains adult content!

If you are interested: @mystery-star 😉

Later, Spock and I were in his meditation room. I had stopped by my quarters and changed into loose pants and a loose shirt after I showered. Spock wore a new set of uniform, but his hair was a bit messed up and still slightly damp. Meditating this time seemed to be easier, and I managed to calmly reflect over the events of the day. I had to break out several moments, but I was able to find my way back in without Spock needing to really assist me.

I don’t know how long we had been in here, but I felt much calmer afterwards. Leaning against the wall, I waited for Spock to finish his meditation. It was fascinating to see him this calm and focused while vulnerable and relaxed at the same time. His breathing was slow and steady, the back rigid and straight, while he sat cross-legged on the floor. I took the time I had, taking in his features. The high brows giving his calm expression a touch of thoughtfulness. He looked beautiful, like a painting, the dim light accentuating the dark beard shadow perfectly.

“You are staring.” He suddenly said and I nearly shat my pants. My heartbeat quickened to the point where I could feel it thrumming against my ribs, as my hand flew to my chest. “Fuck me…” I breathed out, slowly calming down from the shock. He raised an eyebrow, a smug smile twitching in the corners of his lips. “Careful of your requests, t’hy’la.”

Looking at him with wide eyes, I tried to figure out how to take his words, but his poker face made it impossible for me to read his thoughts. Sighting I gave in: “What?”

“Careful of your requests, t’hy’la.” He simply repeated without changing his expression or the way he said it. I threw my hands in the air. “I heard what you said. I wanted to know why.” To this he hummed, opening his legs and stretching his body. “Because I can.”

“This is not helpful at all.” I groaned, scowling at him, which made his grin growing even more. “I know.” He said. I grabbed a pillow throwing it at him. “You are an asshole.” He caught the pillow with ease, putting it aside, looking me up and down. I could feel how his eyes scanned the curves beneath my shirt and I got painfully aware that I had not put on a bra.

Slightly changing my position to hide it, I took a deep breath. “What does it even mean? The word you used to I believe address me?” His eyes snapped back up to my face, the pupils widened, as he thought for a second. “It is a pet name in Vulcan. It means something like lover, darling, sometimes friend.” He answered and I nodded. “Say it again. It sounds beautiful.”

“What? T’hy’la?” He put a slight drawl to it, dragging out the second syllable. I hummed in pleasure, crawling closer to him, stopping between his legs and sitting back on my knees. Instantly he reached out for me, his hands landing on my hips pulling me closer to him. I gave in to his demand, letting him drag me over his lap. Now I was sitting very close to him, my knees left and right from his hips, while he leaned against the wall. My breathing went faster, and I felt hotness wash over my body.

He didn’t move. Just held me in place with his big hands, while his eyes took me in. “Du nam-tor vaksurik. Ni vaksurik.” He mumbled, before he pulled me in, pressing his lips onto mine. His hand wandered to my neck, holding me in place, while the other stroked the lower side of my back, fingers slipping under my shirt every now and then. Out of reflex, I arched my back, pressing my chest against his. Completely dwelling in the warmth his body was radiating.

My hands wandered to his shoulders, fisting the fabric of his shirt between my fingers, trying to pull me even closer. When he realized, I was completely giving in to his touches, he became bolder, letting his left hand completely slide under my shirt, resting it against the upper part of my waist. His boldness made me shiver, causing me to shift on his lap. And when my core rubbed over his, he let out a low animalistic growl. The grip of his hands grew harder, and I moaned into the kiss. That was it for Spock. Without letting go of me, he flipped us over, burying me underneath his tall frame.

Then he broke the kiss, leaning on both of his elbows, while he looked down on me. I just stared into his dark eyes. In the dim light of the room his blown pupils made his eyes look almost black. He stopped what he was doing, silently searching my eyes for any discomfort, but I pulled him down again. Capturing his lips with mine, while I let my hands run along his body, fiddling his shirt out of his pants. Slowly I pulled it upwards, giving him time to stop my actions, but he didn’t. Instead, he broke the kiss, pulling the shirt over his head himself.

I stopped, taking in, what I was seeing. Like I already expected in our sparring session, he was lean and toned. His chest rising and falling in heavy breaths, the muscles in his arms and chest twitching as he moved his body around. “Lord have mercy…” I mumbled openly staring at him. His eyes snapped back to mine, a sly smile on his lips. Turning away under his strong gaze, I felt myself blush. “Don’t look at me like that.” I whispered, which made him chuckle. “You were the one staring.” He retorted, leaning back on his heels.

Letting his hands wander over my thighs, he shifted our position. I was still laying on my back, but he sat there pulling our hips flush against each other, wrapping my legs around his hip, while he spread his legs apart. His hands began to wander, slowly exploring my body, watching me twitch, when he reached sensitive areas. He stroked my thighs, my sides, over my stomach, grabbing my hips. Over time he pushed my shirt higher, expanding the region of naked skin he touched.

I let my eyes fall shut, relishing in his soft strokes and the goose bumps emitting over my body. Suddenly his fingers stopped at my ribcage and I opened my eyes again. “May I?” He asked and I nodded, lifting my upper body a bit for him to take off my shirt and reaching for a pillow for my head.

His gaze was now fixated on my chest, his jaw tightening. “You are so beautiful, t’hy’la.” He groaned, carefully letting his hands touch my breasts. I watched him, how he took in every curve of them, gripping them, feeling their weight. But when his thumbs stroked over my nipples, I let out a moan, arching my back slightly to not lose connection to his hands. Me moaning made his gaze snap up. “Do it again.” He growled, stroking over my nipple again, this time also adding more pressure.

“Fuck…” I moaned, closing my eyes. My mind started to get foggy and I wanted him to do more. Without thinking twice, I was already speaking: “Please, Commander… I want more.” The hands on my body stilled and I ripped my eyes open to reveal Spock staring at me with a mixture of stunned confusion and desire. “Commander…” He repeated. “Is that why you call me by my title when you tease me? Because you find it… find it arousing for me to have it?” I turned my head to the side, but a hand on my chin, turned it back, forcing me to look at him. “Yes… Kinda.” I answered, making him even more intrigued. “Explain it to me then.” He demanded.

“Its difficult to explain.” I started, letting my eyes wander everywhere but to the half naked Vulcan staring at me. “Its partly because it is funny to see you tense, when I call you by your title and partly because I want you to act when I do. Whenever you use that commanding voice… I don’t know it kinda gets to me. And then I imagine what it would be like, if you would use it in a different setting.”

“You want me to order you around?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Partly. Yes.” I whispered, feeling the blush creep up my cheeks again.

“What else?” He pressed on.

“I have a thing for men in uniform. Powerful and dominant men. I like it when they are rough with me.” I confessed, my voice getting quieter and quieter the more I said.

But Spock understood me nonetheless, the look in his eyes changing rapidly. When at first, he seemed confused and taken aback, he was now slowly getting the hang of what I meant, a wicked smile forming on his lips. “Who would have known the mean Lieutenant Cory Monroe needs a man to put her in place…” He mused and I tried to hit him, but he caught my fist entwining it completely with his big hand. Clicking his tongue, he tilted his head. “Careful, t’hy’la.” His voice was thick with tease and lust, sending shivers down my spine.

“Make me.” I said, challenging him with a confident look in my eyes. In hindsight I maybe shouldn’t have said that, because the second I spoke the words, he moved. To quick for me to fully comprehend what was going on, he flipped me over onto my stomach, kneeling above me. His thighs caging in my smaller frame, while he leaned on his forearms, his head inches away from mine.

“Are you testing me, ashayam?” He growled next to my ear and I let out a sound that was something between a moan and a squeal. The body heat he was radiating was enormous and I couldn’t help but press up against his chest, humming at the warm feeling spreading through my body. He got the hint, forcing me down with his whole body. As soon as his chest pressed me down, I relaxed, turning my head and closing my eyes, when his lips wandered across my neck.

He started to kiss down my back, letting his fingers glide along my sides, sending shivers down my spine and I bucked my hips against his. He hissed and stilled his movements, while pressing me down on the small of my back. Immediately I submitted to his hand, fighting the tingly feeling his fingers triggered so close to my waistband. “Please, Commander.” I whined wriggling underneath his hold. And as soon as the words left my mouth, he sprung back to action, shifting his position between my legs, he turned me around, looking at me with hungry eyes. “Are you sure, t’hy’la?” He asked, his voice strained with restraint. “Absolutely.” I nodded, looking him deep into the eyes.

Not wasting any more time, he simply grabbed my pants and pulled them down, regarding them to the side. Now I was completely naked before him, the weight of the situation slowly creeping into my mind. I swallowed hard, trying to fight down the stress and fear I felt. One look at my face and Spocks demeanor changed. He leaned back over me, capturing my lips with his. “Don’t fear me, ashayam. I wont hurt you, I promise.” He mumbled against my lips and I couldn’t help myself but cockily ask: “And what if I want you to?”

“Then you will learn what it means to tease your Commander, little one.” He growled into my ear. His rough voice sent shivers of ecstasy down my body, collecting between my legs. “Yes please…” I moaned, spreading my legs subconsciously. He chuckled kissing down my neck. “You are already so needy, and I haven’t even started, yet. How do you think you will survive me actually doing something to you?” His hot breath fanned over my breasts, a short lick of his tongue on my nipple following soon.

A jolt of pleasure ruptured through my body and I hummed, while my hands flew to his shoulders holding onto him. He sucked my nipple back into his mouth, while he started to toy with my other breast. The sensation he sent through my body was marvelous. Pure bliss and lust started to burn in my body and pool between my legs, to a point, where I became uncomfortably aware of my horniness. I tried to press my thighs together for some friction, but his hip between them stopped me from getting my release. So, I just wrapped my legs around him and pulled him closer. He didn’t expect my move, so his hips pressed against my core.

At the contact both of us let out a moan and I couldn’t help myself but roll my hips against his thigh. Instantly, his hand wandered from my breast to my hip, stilling my movement, which let me cry out desperately. “Shush, little girl.” But I wasn’t happy with it. Huffing I let out a breathy: “Please, Commander.” To which he finally gave in. Leaning his body weight onto one arm, he let the fingers of his right hand slide across my hipbone until he reached my core.

Looking me deep into the eyes, he let two fingers slide between my folds, a cocky smile spreading over his lips, when he realized how wet I already was for him. Spreading my slick around, he slowly began to insert one finger, watching intently, how I fought against my eyes falling shut. My body was in sensory overload. The marvelous feeling of finally gaining some release mixed with the anticipation of what was about to happen and the deep desire in his eyes.

“Oh God yes…” I whimpered, my knees falling apart. Slowly he added another finger, stretching my walls with soft little thrusts. Soon his thumb found my clit, just sitting on top of it not moving at all. “Open your eyes, ashayam.” He gritted out and I complied. His gaze was strong, teeth clenched and it took me a while to realize, that him fingering me was probably more intense for him as for human men. To test my theory, I clenched around his digits, pulling a string of Vulcan curses from his lips.��

Of course, he realized why I did it, his gaze immediately changing from lustful to hungry. He shifted his weight a little bit, until his mouth was directly on top of my nipple. Looking me deep into the eyes, he sucked it into his mouth simultaneously circling his thumb over my clit. I couldn’t help myself but let out the most sinful moan I had ever produced, instantly clasping a hand in front of my mouth, eyes darting at the door.

But Spock didn’t seem to spend one thought on our surroundings. He completely focused on me, changing the rhythm of his fingers massaging me to fit the soft circles his thumb painted onto my clit, while he gently sucked on my nipple.

The feelings rising in my core didn’t take long to overtake my brain and I gave up fighting against the pull in my core. All I wanted was Spock to touch me, to fuck me. And I grew desperate for his cock. “Spock please…” I whined, rolling my hips against his hand, but he just chuckled: “Don’t worry, ashayam. We will get there. But for now, I want to feel you around my fingers. See how good I make you feel.”

I cried out in a mixture of frustration and lust washing through my body at his sinful words. Slowly I could feel the tension in my core tightening, my body losing control more and more, giving in to his touches. My breathing went irregular, interrupted by moans and desperate attempts to form straight sentence. But there was no winning this fight. Spock knew far to well how to play my body. His long and skillful fingers mercilessly dragging me towards my orgasm.

He let go of my nipple, leaning upwards and capturing my lips in a heated kiss. It felt like he put all his desire and love into it, because it was so passionate and demanding, that I didn’t think twice, submitting to him immediately. My body relaxed under his presence and that’s when it suddenly hit me. With a force I wasn’t anticipating, my orgasm crashed into me. I clenched around his fingers, my back arching, while his name fell in a moan from my lips. It felt like I was losing control over all my muscles, because my legs and lower stomach started to twitch uncontrollably.

In the back of my head, I noticed him slowing his movements and slightly leaning back, but it took me several seconds to start to calm down and get control over my brain again. And when I looked up, I was met with the most loving eyes a man has ever looked at me with. My hands flew to his neck, pulling him down and hooking my legs around his waist. He pulled his fingers out of my core and I reached for his hand, guiding it towards my lips. Looking him deep in the eyes, I sucked them into my mouth, letting my tongue circle around his digits, licking my slick from them. He looked at me, like he was about to fall apart, so I didn’t stop, until he started to shiver above me and closing his eyes in slow blinks.

And then suddenly he tensed up, a low growl rolling through his chest, followed by several Vulcan curses. His fingers inside my mouth clenched, forcing me to slightly gag, but I just moaned at the feeling of him shoving them down deeper into my throat. Then he opened his eyes again, pulling his fingers out of my mouth with a slight plop. He leaned back on his knees, his head falling backwards, chest rising in rigid breaths. “That felt… intense…” He mumbled after a while and I raised an eyebrow. “Intense? I didn’t do anything.” I wondered, to which he let out a sharp breath, looking at me with a sarcastic smile.

“Nothing? You sucked on my fingers. Practically giving me a blowjob after I fingerfucked you.” He groaned, still trying to gain control over himself again. I stared at him speechless: “I… What?” He just nodded. “Its exactly what I said. You were not the only one coming, ashayam.” I gasped, a smile creeping onto my cheeks. “That’s… that’s fucking hot. And interesting to know.” Then my smile grew teasing. “Even though I am kinda bummed to hear I wont get you railing me ruthlessly into the floor.”

At my words his eyes snapped open, a cocky smile forming on his lips. “Give me a few minutes and I will show you how I will fuck you into the floor.”

I looked at him stunned to hear him use such filthy words, but he didn’t give me any time to completely react to his words. Instead, he grabbed my right ankle, flipping me onto my stomach once more. He forced himself between my legs, pressing me down with his body. “You are my little girl.” He whispered into my ear, sinking his lips onto the pulse point underneath my ear. Pressing soft kisses onto my neck, he rolled his hips against my ass, making me buck against him.

Blindly I felt for his hands, letting his big hand entwine mine. He leaned on his elbows, pinning my hands to the floor, while he caged me in with his hot body. Suddenly he bit down on my sweet spot, growling when I squeaked his name breathlessly. I realized the more intimate it got, the more he changed. There was not much human and collectiveness in his behavior. His behavior became more primal, instinctual maybe even possessive.

“Tell me, if I am too much, ashayam.” He gritted out, voice cracking several times. I just gripped his fingers tighter: “As if that would ever be possible. You are perfect.”

“I could still hurt you. I am so much stronger than you and the longer I am this close to you, the harder it gets for me to control my urges.” He sounded desperately, as if he really needed to hold back something. I tried to turn around, but he didn’t let go of me. “What are you talking about?” I asked. “You sound like you are in pain.”

“I am not in pain.” He argued back.

“What is it then? Tell me, maybe I can help.” I pressed on, stopping my fight to turn around, as he clearly didn’t want me to see something.

“Its…” He started but stopped, taking a deep breath. “Vulcans have not always been this collected. Many centuries ago, we were one of the most brutal and animalistic races. Only the strong will to submit to control and logic saved us from going instinct. Those instincts however are said to be coming back when we are intimate with our partners. I never believed it before, as I have never been this… overwhelmed by my partner.” He stopped, letting out a deep growl. I used that time to ask: “I overwhelm you? With what?”

“You overwhelm me very much. It is nearly impossible for me to describe what I am currently feeling let alone control me. It’s the way you feel, the way you submit to me, how you react to me. I feel like you are calling out to a deeply buried need inside me, I wasn’t even aware I had.” He tried to explain and I thought about it for a moment: “Is that a bad thing to happen?”

“I don’t know.” Came his honest answer. “It feels right, but at the same time, I fear I might hurt you in the process of letting go.”

“You wont hurt me.” I argued, but he interrupted me: “You don’t know that!”

“Neither do you know that holding back is the right thing!” I snapped back. “I can make my own decisions and I promise I will tell you, if its too much, or if you hurt me.”

“But what if I cant stop myself?” He asked, his voice now soft and weak.

“Then I will. There is nothing you need to fear, okay? We are a team. You help me control my emotions and I will help you let out yours. We can do it together. I trust you and I love you.” I answered as softly, trying my best to make him understand I was there for him. “Besides, I already told you, I like my man rough and dominant.” I teased, bucking my hips upwards.

That seemed to snap him out of his worried state. “Don’t say things like that.” He growled, the warning clear in his words. But I was far to needy, not caring about the consequences. I whined out arching my back against him, but he just moved back, holding me down with his hip and hands. “Are we a bit greedy, ashayam?”

“Stop playing with me, Spock.” I breathed out, shuffling even more, trying my best to get some sort of body contact. But he didn’t move one bit. Instead, he flipped me around again, holding my hands with one hand pinned above my head. “Beg.” Was all he said, a sly smile spreading in the corners of his mouth. I froze in shock, having troubles processing what he just said.

“Beg, or I am stopping it right now.” He repeated, his voice now sharper, the smile changing from cocky to demanding. My eyes widened even more and I opened my mouth, only to close it again not really having the brain capacity to think clearly. “What if somebody walks down the hallway? They are going to hear us.” I finally let out. Spock just tilted his head, raising an eyebrow. “They will hear a whole other things coming out of your mouth, when your Commander is fucking you. And you have already proven to be a screamer.” He teased me, reminding me of the conversation we had fighting Nero.

The sheer confidence he hold himself with, made my head reel with desire and I couldn’t help myself but to play into his game: “Make me.” Those two words send him and I knew it by the way his eyes turned dark. He lost it right then and there. Not giving me any second to react, I found myself flipped around and roughly pressed into the ground. He had one hand on the back of my neck, the other holding my hands on my back. “You wanna play that game? You want me to stop being nice and treat you like a little disobeying girl?” He rasped, audibly holding himself together by nothing more than the last string of control he could muster.

“Yes, Commander.” I moaned, spreading my legs wider and raising my ass up in the air. He let out a rough chuckle: “Look at that. All it took me was a little force and you are begging me like a bitch in heat.”

“Please…” Was all I could whine, desperately searching for release.

“Do it better.” He growled, giving me a slight shove.

“Please, Commander. I need you. Please fuck me.” I begged, not caring how desperate and needy I sounded. All I could think about was his cock and how he would take me.

“Finally…” He whispered, not loosening his grip. “Tell me, ashayam. Do you put up this act just to please me or do you really like me being so rough with you?” He asked, starting to press wet kisses on my shoulder. I moaned in response, pressing out a breathless answer: “I love it when you do it. I want you to be rough, need you to force me into submission. And honestly until now, no man was ever able to have me this fast on my knees and this desperate for his touches.”

“Good.” He growled. “Because from now on, there will be no other man ever in your life. You are my little girl. My t’hy’la. I will ruin you for every man to come, because I wont let anyone ever put a damn finger on you. You hear me? You are mine. Just mine.”

“Yes, Commander. Your girl only.” I mumbled brainlessly.

A deep sigh, came from his chest. “Do you even know what you do to me? The hold you already have on me is insane. I should be able to control myself, take care of you, make sure you are loved and know how much I care for you. But here I am… Giving in to my urges, pinning you down on the floor, while I am about to sleep with you the first time.”

I shrugged. “I don’t care, Spock. I want this. Want you. I need you to be rough with me and you being instinctually driven to do so, just plays into my wishes.”

He growled one last time, before he let go of me, I assumed he would take of his pants, so I turned around and what I saw made me gasp in shock. He was changed to say the least. The normal controlled expression on his face was taken over by pure dark lust. He stared me down the whole time, ridding himself from his pants, sinking to his knees and crawling back to me. Out of reflex, I opened my legs to let him in. He stopped for a second, taking a deep breath, forcing him to calm down. “I know, Jim probably shouldn’t have told me this, but I know you had a hysterectomy done. Are you okey with going further? If not, we can stop.”

I reached for his face. “I don’t want to stop. And don’t feel bad for knowing or asking. There would have been a point of talking about contraceptives anyway, so this just makes it easier.” He relaxed at my words, leaning down to kiss me. Then I could feel him stroking his cock through my folds, spreading my slick carefully onto his length. Looking at me with loving eyes, he slowly pushed into me, careful not to hurt me. But I was so riled up, that he had nearly no resistance gliding into me. When he bottomed out, he stopped his movements, jaw clenched desperately.

Then he finally started to move. Rolling his hips forward and pressing me down even further, my eyes fell shut. “Fuck…” He hissed above me, intertwining one hand again with mine. “Look at me, little girl. Let me see those beautiful eyes of yours.” Following his command, I opened my eyes. Getting locked up in his deep brown eyes, now nearly blown black from lust. Slowly he picked up the speed, not letting go of me. He was now hitting my sweet spot deep inside me at a steady rhythmical pace, that I let out another suppressed moan. “Don’t hold back. Let me hear you. Show me how good I make you feel.” Once again, his whole demeanor shifted. Had he been rough commanding just seconds ago, he was now as soft and loving as he could be. Letting go of my hand, he started to caress and stroke my body with feather light brushes. Just ever so slightly that it had me yearning for more.

The way his movements, his thrusts and touches played with my body was pure bliss. I was riding on a hot wave of love and lust toward my abyss. “Oh god…” A loud moan forced itself past my lips, much to the pleasure of Spock. He apparently liked, when I was severely reacting to him. He started humming, bending down to kiss me. Giving me a lovely start, but underneath his well-kept gentleman attitude I could feel the need to possess me starting to boil. Him openly holding himself back, to fully commit to my pleasure, send so much love and lust through my body, that I couldn’t help but grip his upper arms tightly.

The knot in my stomach started to grow immeasurably. This mixed with Spock treating my so softly, pushed my emotionally agitated self over the edge. With tears running down my cheeks, I called out for him, now finally not caring about others maybe being able to hear us. He answered my call with burying me underneath him, while pressing down my hands with his bigger ones. “Its alright, ashayam. I am right here. You can let go.” He whispered against my ear. “You are doing so good. Such a good little girl. Taking me so well, so obedient. Go on. Come for me. Make a mess on my cock, I know you want to.”

A loud cry on my lips, I came hard. The wall of my orgasm hitting me with pure force. Dragging me over the cliff without any resistance. I was now in a free fall of blissfulness. Slipping in and out of reality, only being grounded by Spocks low, raspy voice praising me. Bucking against his body I shakily came back to senses, to then get my breath knocked out of my lungs by his hungry kiss. He slowed his movements, letting me regain my stance, giving me a chance of further consent or to stop him from moving on. That’s what has struck me deeply. No matter what, he was always focused on me giving my consent, to never step over any barrier I had.

“You can let go, Spock. Its okey. You wont break me.” I said, my voice still shaky from my orgasm. Pushing the hair out of my eyes, he asked: “Are you sure about that? You don’t have to...” I interrupted him, before he could get caught up in his thoughts too much: “Yes, I am sure. I can feel how you want to go rough with me. Take me. Make me feel good. Make me yours.” Instantly changing his demeanor, he pushed himself up. “I want to hear you. Don’t you dare hold back, understood?” His voice didn’t let any room for discussion, so I obediently answered: “Yes, Commander.”

“Good girl.” He rasped, gripping my hips with both hands to get a better hold of me. Then he picked up a ruthless pace. His fast pace had me forget any dignity that might have been left inside my body. Hitting my sweet spot with every thrust, now stretching me deeper than before, had me yelping and moaning out in pure pleasure. The lush sounds he was drawing from my body, mixed with my heavy breathing and his low groans. I could feel my juices from my previous orgasm running down my thigh, getting smeared around with every of his moves.

This right now was far away from the soft, sweet way he had thrusted into me before. He was now railing me without mercy, using me to his full pleasure. But that’s exactly how I wanted him to treat me. As an answer to his behavior, I twitched around his cock, implying my next upcoming orgasm. He looked at me with dark eyes, jaw clenched. “You ask before you come, you hear me?” He growled. Voice strained in sharp control over his inner needs.

“Yes.” I whimpered, not thinking about the consequences of not addressing him with his title.

“Yes what?” He snarled.

“Yes, Commander.” I cried out, again tears pricking in my eyes.

“Good girl.” He praised, actively rolling the r a bit to hard. “Promise me to never hide from me. I want you to trust me and let me in, ashayam.”

“I will, Commander. Please…” I begged, squeezing him with my throbbing pussy, not daring to speak the words to beg for another orgasm. “As you should. Does a good girl disobey her Commander?” He pressed on further.

“No, Commander. Please. I am close… I cant…” My cries were getting more and more desperate. I couldn’t hold back for much longer, silently praying he would release me. But it was Spock we were speaking about. The king of sass and teasing. “Then what makes you think you get to have another orgasm? Havent I already given you enough? And yet here you are, begging to give you a second one.” I could hear the pure pride of having me at his mercy.

“Please, Spock. I cant… I am too close. Let me come, please Commander.” I squealed, holding myself together by nothing more than a thread and pure willpower. Luckily, he knew how close I was, be whoever made Vulcans touch telepaths blessed, because he leaned down, letting go of my hipsl, wrapping his cold arms around my body. “Come, ashayam. Let go for me.” And that I did. Relaxing into his hold, I let the second wave hit me with all the force and turbulences it brought with it. Far away I could hear myself, moan or much more cry out his name, clawing my fingers to his arms, to gain at least some stability. Only a few moments later, I could feel his cock twitch against the shuddering walls of my core. Spilling his cold seed deep inside of me.

We stayed like that for several minutes, entangled in each others arms, collecting our breathes and dwelling in the aftermath of coming down from our highs. “Nash-veh ashaya du.” He whispered quietly, repeating the words in English: “I love you.” I clung to him even closer. “I love you too, Spock.” Spock had helped me back to my quarters offering to stay as long as I wanted him to, but I ushered him out the door, arguing he needed to sleep as well. As quick as I could, I showered and got ready for bed, nearly falling asleep the moment my head hit the pillow.

#spock x reader #fem reader #smut #spock #commander spock #spock smut

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blooming-smiles · 7 months ago

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imagine prompt: what would kamal do if he was actually Self Aware self aware instead of Weird Deja Vu And Leaning On The Fourth Wall self aware

(cw: unreality, dark topics- read with caution!)

🪷 - kamal if he was self aware of the game

- i think waking up back on the bench after the big event would be kamal’s moment of realization that something is Not Right.

- which only gets strengthened when he has the relive the same days leading up to the big event. and then again. and again.

- at first he hopes he’s dreaming. or going through some groundhog day-esk loop that requires him to reach some kind of moral lesson until everything is back to normal again,

- but it feels like no matter what he tells flower kid before or after the big event he doesn’t have any control over what happens. flower kid determines what happens to habit. and kamal has to watch the aftermath of their choice every choice over and over and over and over and

- the more he thinks about it the more he wonders. what role does flower kid play in this? this complete stranger comes and all of a sudden he has to witness the consequences of their actions over and over again. walking down the terrace past all of the object-ified habiticians, smelling nothing but coins, hearing that gut wrenching crash after the punch-

- and it begins to set in that he’s going to have to relive it all. over and over. and his stomach drops.

- but what else is he supposed to do? flower kid did help the habiticians after all, at least in some of the loops. that means that there’s good in them. and anybody with good in them doesn’t deserve to carry the guilt of what kamal is going through, he thinks.

- and if flower kid /is/ the source of the unreality… then that might explain a lot. and i think him realizing that might connect the dots to him and everyone else being an npc in flower kid’s world

- but what is he supposed to do? just stand up and tell fk that the jig is up? there was no way he make himself responsible for confronting habit especially after the seeing the state of the habit before he left… the cryptic murals on the walls, the blood on habit’s coat… god, all of the teeth in his mouth…. he might be even more avoidant of confronting habit than the possibility that he’s not real

- he was really stressed out before it happened, you know? and i think coming to terms with the idea that this whole situation he’s got himself caught in isn’t grounded in reality wouldn’t take away from his worldly problems taking priority. like sure, maybe he’s not real. but his problems are. very, uncomfortably real.

- and even with the horror of the situation i dont think it would really corrupt him per se? i mean. he /is/ strangely casual at the end of the punch ending considering the gravity of that situation.

- i think he would almost fall into a sense of normalcy over time, even if it would sicken him how horrific of a situation it is but he kinda has to just laugh it off for flower kid’s sake. he isn’t one to go against the grain (edit: in this context)

- at the end of the day i dont think he would fight against it. i think he would be more likely to just sit with knowing that his existence might be centered around being an npc kinda just. accept it. if he was created just to be trapped in the habitat for all existence, then well. clinging to the routine is the only way for him to stay grounded

- and if that means that he’ll never get to escape, then at least it gives him infinite attempts to point flower kid in the right direction… even if they don’t listen. it’s all that he gets.

(edit: i missed an opportunity to mention this but also. his whole stand up high and think about not existing thing. yeeeaaaahhh)

(asks open for requests!)

#kamal bora #smile for me game #smile for me #s4m #bloomagines #smile for me imagines

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mappingthesky · 5 months ago

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Jesus Christ, I didn't realise how big the whole PJ thing is rn... I kinda avoided twitter the last couple days cause I knew people would be heated but good lord I didn't realise how big of a situation it got I don't agree with Pj and I honestly don't know much about the situation as a whole, but some people are doing FAR too much

hi all - i know i’m late, but i cannot in good conscience keep posting without addressing the controversy! i’m gonna use this ask to respond to recent events, no pressure to read if you’re overwhelmed by this drama. i don’t wanna argue with anyone either, so i would appreciate kindness <3 read on if you wish, or don’t!

here is how i feel: it was a bad, careless take and i don’t agree with what she said. while i don’t think it came from a malicious place, esp if she was reacting to the experiences of people she knows irl, the fact is that it was uninformed, had some harmful implications, and ultimately hurt the feelings of people who really love her. she initially said she was open for discourse, and im hoping she took that seriously/ that this proves to be a learning experience for her in more ways than one - so far, i dont think we’ve seen enough evidence of that. i know she’s made certain apologies, and to a degree i do appreciate her sensitivities towards her fans (bc bitch i have been Stressed about this), but it wasn’t it for me. im gonna echo the words of others on here and say it would be nice to see her take responsibility for saying a careless thing that had some harmful implications. a simple, sincere apology would go a long way. there’s going to be plenty of people who wont accept said apology, but i know i would appreciate seeing it.

we all know i love her. i love the interactions she has with the lesbian community in particular, and the jump to calling her anti lesbian, etc is, in my opinion, a pretty huge one (esp because she never mentioned lesbians directly & i think she, y’know, possesses a soul). a good chunk of the backlash feels out of proportion & has been coming from people who just don’t like her to begin with - i think the rehashing of debunked abuser claims is particularly unnecessary - that being said, there are very fair criticisms being made & people in her corner who have been let down. period. as a lesbian and a huge fan of both artists, it stung me to see how this has been handled, and i know im not the only one :( i personally would like to see her take some responsibility- just admit to saying something dumb, prove that you learned something from this, and move forward. i know she hates real moments boots, but cmon babe. it feels like the least she could do. i am disappointed that it hasn’t happened yet, a little disheartened to think that it may not happen ever, and really hoping she proves me wrong.

im hoping we land somewhere better. this has had me feeling conflicted & anxious for the past few days and i dont think im the only one. it breaks my heart to see friends/ fellow creators stepping back bc of her actions (as they should, i just hate that it came to this). im a bit confused with how to proceed, but hoping we can find a way 🤍 sending my love to anyone who has felt similarly stressed out by this, we will see this through together!!

#pls be nice. i don’t wanna argue with anyone #she speaks #re:pj

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curiouslavellan · 4 months ago

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hi it's me annoying you with my request to answer all of the ask game questions for the soupmates <3333 feel free to skip those that dont apply or you dont like tho :'D

you're never annoying <3 ty for still being The soupmates fan lol

Gonna put this under a cut because I skipped 0 questions and it got long

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

You lmao. As I've said, big part of why I'm actually writing it down! Re: the way I wrote it though, I've basically always written stuff with lots of POV switches, I like to see the differences between people's attitudes and levels of knowledge. If I ever write a story where everyone in it starts with all the same facts, I've probably been replaced by a pod person

2: What scene did you first put down?

I write chronologically, so that first scene with Ariel and Bethany was the first thing I wrote

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Ariel wasn’t the sort to leave things up to chance any more. Anyone could have seen, and anyone could have turned them in, so there were no fireballs or ice storms for them. No mage’s staff. In Kirkwall, it was all down to daggers and luck. Sometimes that luck seemed too good to be true. Sometimes Ariel moved faster than a person really ought to be able to, and sometimes the idiots trying to kill them tripped over thin air. Only the paranoid would call that magic.

Join me in my apostate Hawke as a rogue agenda

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

When Justice in his chapter 1 section remarks on Wade and Herren being soulmates with

“I do not see it. This doesn’t happen to spirits,”

mostly because I immediately said "Ha, incorrect" to myself lmao. Justice himself obviously, but using Wade and Herren was an extra joke because idc what the creators said, if Herren is a desire demon in Darkspawn Chronicles, I believe that it's true for every timeline

5: What part was hardest to write?

Can I say the chapter I'm working on rn? I am being very picky about the first meeting because it's pretty essential in a soulmate au

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

I've never written for this ot3 before, or actually published anything for Ariel or DA2 as a whole. It's fun to get into Kirkwall! Also there are some pretty big time jumps between scenes, which I have done before but not in stuff that follows a set plot like a video games, so it's neat to kind of work into the spaces in an existing timeline

7: Where did the title come from?

The song Out There from Hunchback of Notre Dame lmfao. I'm just glad it wasn't actually called omg they were soupmates at this point

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?

Not really

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

Not for the overarching plot but I did have a Lot of back and forth over certain details like Anders and Karl's relationship, when different scenes happen and from whose POV, where this story ends, etc

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

because I love them <3 more seriously, because I love Justice, and I'm sad he's barely a character in DA2, especially because he's so interesting about love in Awakening, and I wanted him to be an equal part of the story. Also because they're the weirdest option in a soulmate au, so I get to poke at the "rules" of the genre

11: What do you like best about this fic?

writing Ariel is so fun! purple Hawke you will always be an icon

12: What do you like least about this fic?

Balancing the different POVs has been stressing me out a little, I know it doesn't actually matter that much but I do want them to be at least roughly equal

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I don't listen to my character playlists while writing, because I can't write and hear lyrics at the same time, so I've just been putting on youtube mixes of fantasy writing instrumentals lol

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

ummm Justice is amazing and you should love him

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

this is the fic that got me to commit to small daily increments of writing instead of waiting for inspiration to hit, which we've all heard plenty of times but finally hit me on this one

#ask game #cactusnymph #ty moss!!!!

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mydemonsdrivealimo · 8 months ago

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a note on my commissions ~

so fun fact i hate making posts like this but i kinda have to. so.

over the last few months i have felt like Garbage. i have been chronically tired and exhausted. its been taking a very serious toll on me mentally (or the other way around? cant tell); i can be perfectly fine one minute and within the next hour i can barely communicate with or tolerate anyone else. my ocd has been impacting my daily life much more than usual to the point that has made functioning inside and outside of my home an immense struggle. it has taken up much of my mental space and makes focusing incredibly difficult. i believe this is also what has led me to stop drawing, stop enjoying drawing, and writing, too

i recently had a family emergency that required my full attention, and it made me realize just how exhausted i really am. it put me out of commission way more than it should have and it has been a nightmare catching up again. it's hard to tell if i am trying to get back at it too soon, or if there truly is something wrong, but it has made me realize that im pushing myself more than i need to

commissions have been a serious part of the stress ive been trying to ignore. im not great at "being chill," especially during an emergency, so instead of putting it on the backburner and separating my responsibilities, it all goes into one pot and boils over. with this said, i have a lot of changes coming in the next few months of this semester that will required my attention as well

so, for the next few months, ill be closing my commissions. of course i will honor current commissions--though they may take longer than normal--and event hosts please feel free to reach out to me in that time! theres always a chance ill be up to one or two, but, for now, its something i need to take off my plate as a full time responsibility

i dont tend to like these types of posts because i enjoy keeping my fandom life strictly for fandom, and i hate being perceived, but this has also been a way for me to admit these struggles to myself, which i hope will prove to be somewhat freeing

its hard to tell if i will be on less or more than normal. my characters have always been a place of creativity and escapism for me, but i also tend to use it as a distraction from my problems, which just leads to nothing getting done, which turns into more stress, and therefore more problems. i still of course will be around and be posting regularly, but it's hard to tell exactly how im going to go about all of this

thanks for reading if you got this far and i hope to be back to my regular art and fic posting soon (with the hope that im able to regain my time, energy, and love for those mediums)

#personal

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coldresolve · 9 months ago

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Your post made me think, you said abuse is “slow burn” and torture is “explosion” but what about cases of months or even years of torture? What would that be classified as? Because it’s not the interrogation type.

Wouldnt there be a point where the person is so damaged mentally and physically from the repeated pain and psychological torment that they just give up entirely? If they see absolutely no end? Like they dont interrogate him but just hurt him, out of a vendetta or something like that.

Im asking because a lot of stories i see here on tumblr are not about interrogation but mostly like a… “passion” kinda thing? And although i personally dont really like this whole “pet whump” concent (even writing it down it looks dumb), keeping someone locked for years and conditioning him with torture could possibly grind down a person’s will to basically nothing. It’s my personal opinion and just thinking about it, i feel like it would happen to me if i was in that situation. Like not torture once or twice but for months or years (given the fact that he stays alive of course)

What are your thoughts on that? (And again not pet whump i know what you think of that and honestly, same hahaha)

it would be classified as torture. i'd see it as a very intense long-time burn with a bunch of explosions along the way, i guess, if we're sticking to that metaphor.

fair warning, heavy subject matter: i'm going to talk about a historical case of long-term imprisonment and torture, including some stuff about suicide, sexual assault and executions. im trying not to get too graphic in my descriptions to not sensationalize it, but these were real events and i don't want to take away from how horrific it was, so. idk i guess im still figuring out how to balance those two things.

in 1941, the allies started engaging in conflict with the japanese imperial army throughout the pacific, which, among other conflicts japan had going at the time, resulted in the capture of prisoners of war, especially from 1942-1945. these POWs were held in camps mostly located on japanese soil or in the philipines, but they shifted around quite a bit as the war progressed and the japanese war machine got more organized, so throughout the months or sometimes years of their imprisonment, POWs were constantly moved from camp to camp, with no warning or explanation.

the japanese imperial forces famously viewed surrender as beneath contempt. you can imagine how that belief influenced their treatment of POWs.

you'll read accounts from the survivors of these camps about how POWs were fed rice soup infested with enough worms to move on its own, usually as the only meal they recieved in a day. the kinda shit you're happy to eat because you're starving to death. this wasn't the result of a food shortage, either. it was deliberate, because someone who is starving is less capable of fighting back. as a result, a lot of POWs and political prisoners in japan died of starvation. or, alternatively, disease or infection as a result of sleeping in tight quarters in rooms infested with bugs and vermin, or not having access to clean drinking water. sanitation was nonexistent.

rape of POWs was common. beatings, stimulated drownings, stress positions and other forms of torture, either as an "interrogation" method, punishment, or just for the hell of it in a lot of cases, were common, and often resulted in death. executions were common. the remains of the deceased were often mutilated.

and there's this thing about the cycle of violence...

This added to the rising tide of hatred and racial discrimination of the Japanese people on the home front. Due to the assumed military threat and the inability to verify at this time, 110,000-120,000 Japanese Americans were interned in the western United States. While torture was expressly forbidden by the US government, loss of property and dignity changed the lives of many US citizens of Japanese descent. (x)

but i digress.

when you read about the japanese POW camps, or the concentration camps used throughout the holocaust, or the forced labor camps of the USSR, or any other account of long-term torture, survivors often talk a lot about the fact that the human ability to adapt to extreme conditions like these is staggering. defiance is the norm with torture, and it comes in the face of being treated like someone who is less than human, in every aspect of life. escape attempts, attacking the guards, obstructing forced labor, sabotage, sneaking aid to other prisoners in need, stealing food or other necessities, and the list goes on and on and on. all of these things, at least to me, speaks to a belief in life, in the face of the most morbid fucking conditions you could imagine. human beings are really, really resilient, that's the thing.

and they'll also describe how some people just "gave up". some committed suicide. some just deteriorated rapidly, physically, once they'd lost the hope and will to survive. some collapsed doing physical labor and just layed there waiting to get shot in the head. that happens, too, and erasing that part of reality isn't fair. i don't think anyone has the right to think any worse of these people, or to consider them "weak". despite me being passionate about suicide prevention, i think the decision to die in extreme circumstances like this is understandable, and it's not something i would ever consider a moral or personal failure. this is not a question of being "conditioned". its the conscious decision, sometimes as an act of defiance in and of itself, to avoid being subjected to more torture.

torture destroys. it cannot create anything. and there is no such thing as controlling how it will affect someone. if you're aiming for "conditioning" or "brainwashing" - you can try to break someone down, and if you're successful in making them give up on life, which there's a good chance you won't be, even after years - you're not gonna be able to "replace" that hopelessness with something else. they're not gonna do what you want them to do, or believe what you want them to believe. why would they? they've given up. congratulations, that's the literal only thing you've achieved. and you can enjoy that achievement for as long as it takes them to kill themselves or deteriorate and die.

the effects that torture has on victims vary greatly from person to person, that it's not something torturers can predict, or "direct", or otherwise have any control over whatsoever. it's not just that the list of neurocognitive changes and mental/physical health issues that can be caused by torture is diverse. victims of torture vary in how they conceptualize their trauma, and the people who caused it. they deal with moral injury in different ways. they come to different conclusions about it. and no wonder - fitting something like torture into your view of humanity in general isn't particularly straightforward. a common trend is that torture survivors generally don't tend to speak very positively about their torturers. they might reach a point of understanding, or even forgiveness, after years of processing what was done to them. but this isn't exactly the same as excusing it, yknow. it's part of them healing from their trauma.

if you're interesting on reading about more long-term imprisonment and torture like this, there's a plethora of books out there. unbroken by laura hillenbrand is a biography of louis zamperini, and it specifically deals with the japanese POW camps and the historical context that surrounded them. the gulag archipelago by aleksandr solzhienitsyn talks a lot about the political and philosophical ideas that go into the use of torture and labor camps. a book i think you'd find especially valuable here is man's search for meaning by viktor frankl. he was a jewish psychiatrist and a holocaust survivor. he goes into the psychology both of those who "give up" and those whose hope perserveres. it's a pretty harrowing read, but it's one of those books that can genuinely change your philosophy on life in a pretty deep way.

to answer your question, yes, some people do "give up", for lack of a better way to put it. that happens. suicidal ideation can happen as the result of torture. but it is also not as simple as "it makes you give up eventually", because even disregarding the people who went on to survive and tell their stories - most of the POW deaths i've mentioned in this post did not happen as a result of them "giving up" - they died of starvation, or disease, or torture, or they were executed. people who were just as defiant as the ones who ended up surviving, who still had the will and the want to survive, and who held on to that hope until their last breath. humans are tough. unbelievably tough.

i think it's also important to talk about the whole concept of being "broken" here, because it's a thing that comes up with discussions of people "giving up" because of torture. but this post is long, and you can probably imagine why i don't think it's a good idea to describe human beings as "broken", so.

in conclusion,

take a guess at how i view the ideas that underline the "pet whump" genre. lol just a take wild shot in the dark

#asks #torture discussions #torture cw #suicide cw

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mikajihiko · 2 years ago

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Given Mix_20 Thoughts! Can I just say my respect for Ue has increased drastically, how drastic it already was in a way I thought it couldnt get any bigger than this, but it did, and heres why! When Hiragi first reached out the Rikka, he only ever requested Ritsuka to finish the song (yes Hiragi forced him to actually do it butsdkjasd) He never said Ritsuka should follow Yuki's sound, everything else was on Ritsuka. Even Hiragi was surprised when he heard

To make it clear, its not because of Hiragi forcing him that made him want to do this song, we all know Ritsuka has no problem saying 'No'; the real reason I’ll tackle later on. But, the reason he didnt want to do it was because of the emotional weight he felt when listening to Yuki's song

Sure, first it was uncomfortable by the mere fact that it was Yuki- Mafuyu's ex and shizuragi's childhood friend. Most especially, especially after feeling the remnants of Yuki's emotions, especially when he knows how Yuki passed away, it would’ve made anyone want to quit

But again, that didnt stop him, instead it propelled him further! Mix_20 gave emphasis on the reason as to why and it’s because Ritsuka wanted to not only to give closure to Mafuyu. He also brought it onto himself to give these grieving childhood friends some closure despite it not being his responsibility, and he was very aware that it wasnt. But, he saw an opportunity to do good to others and took it. It was emotionally tolling for him, yes, but not because he was forced to make music, BUT because he wanted to do give his all as someone who is a perfectionist; He wanted his gift to be perfect

And thats not the only thing that amazes me, he also showes respect towards Yuki's music by saying he was GLAD to have listened to Yuki's song (あの曲をみつけられて良かった). And he turns the stressful experience into something positive, saying he feels very much personally fulfilled about not only being helpful to others, but as well as a self-accomplishment by seeing the proof of his own capabilities. (「ここまでやれる」それが証明できた. 今は、それが満足だ ) Mix_20

Ritsuka could’ve chosen to be selfish. Just like how initially, he had made the 2nd part of Yuki's song to sound like him, as he was responsible to finish the second half- a change Hiragi noticed (mix_9). This was when Ue felt like shifting priorities to reaching Mafuyu

The shift of knowing that Mafuyu had been feeling lonely all those times. Reading Mix_14, surely everyone understands the external pressure added on to Ritsuka as well- guilt of having fun with another band while leaving his own, slowly losing himself in this heavy process. But the message of Ritsuka's story here isnt negative- it’s showing how feeling down and anxious during stressful events is a normal thing, that everyone needs help and deep thinking for them to align themselves.

And of course because of this, Ritsuka got back on his feet as the strong person he is. Not letting the anxiety get to him, and got back to doing things his own stubborn way (affectionate). He lets go of selfishness, knowing with all confidence that his own skills can pull Mafuyu.

And so he did, and this sense of accomplishment he feels washing over him during the end of SYH debut, knowing well he has not only accomplished his goals of pulling Mafuyu but also made Hiragi shine, gave closure to those close to Yuki, and had proven himself to be capable! All the shocked faces coming from Shizuragi really make me laugh. Never would they have thought of Ue to be someone as selfless and giving, but that truly is him. Someone so kind and generous with confidence and power- "fundamentally a good guy"🙈💖

EDIT: I fixed some grammar and punctuation-ings 😭 I wrote it while moved by strong emotions, it was crazy! Needless to say, Im very proud of Ritsuka and I dont think I have the words to fully express myself. I hope this blog can emit even a bit of that feeling!

#Given #Given Hiragi Mix_20 #Hiragi_Mix 20 #Mix_20 #Given Manga #Uenoyama Ritsuka #Given Meta #Mikarambles #Volume 9 Given #Uecchi Supremacy #The real Ore-sama!

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fearowkenya · 11 months ago

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Winds of Change

Chapter 4: Stemming the Tide

It’s hard to hold onto hope when panic and fear take root and start to spread, climbing the notches of his spine and weaving back and forth between his ribs. But Ryo knows now, that hope and fear can both exist at once—he’s seen it for himself.

The group witnesses something that looks a lot like a miracle, but it's still not enough to chase away everybody's fears. Ryo and Shuuji each find themselves with separate demons to battle as they resist the pull of despair.

ao3 link in source, extended end-of-chapter author's note below!

editing this chapter took WAY longer than usual. I do two proofreads per chapter before i post, and if i edit more than a couple of sentences at any point, i start the entire proofread over. needless to say, i did a LOT of editing and rereading before finally making it to my posting checklist. ultimately though im pretty happy with it. mostly im just so glad to have finally posted the scene that was jokingly titled "labramon the egg wizard" so i could talk about how much I enjoy the title "labramon the egg wizard". jokes that are for me

anyway, "labramon the egg wizard" is one of the first parts of this fic that i wrote! there's a skeletal outline of the events in that section in my replay notes, though a lot about that scene has changed since then. it was always going to be labramon who was gonna help out though! why labramon..? … … well she's a dog , and it made me go 'heheh' to think of her doing pointer behaviors. no other reason (:

i know we get renamon egg in moral, but i don't actually remember much of what that looked like because it lasted like 2 seconds. thats absolutely NOT what i wanted for shuuji - i wanted it to be a scene that completely bodies him, where hes got this unexpected second chance hovering just beyond his reach, but he has to confront exactly what he's done in order to get it. i dont remember a lot of 02, but that one episode where ken goes looking for wormmons egg has this very specific vibe where its like, "here's some hope for you when youre at your lowest but never forget that you seriously fucked it up". it was brutal but beautiful and then i cried a bunch i think. idk it was a long time ago. maybe im completely misremembering that scene, who can say. thats how it lives in my memories tho

in any case, i definitely wanted it to be from ryo's perspective for the same reason that the aftermath of wendimon was from his pov. he's so much more observant than shuuji, who would not take notice of what the others are doing and saying while he's in the middle of getting pingponged between hope and gut-wrenching remorse.

the middle section, titled in the draft as "mcfreakin losin it", was a lot of fun too! the Plan(tm) at the beginning was something i edited in pretty late in proofreading. having an itemized list like that might feel more like a "shuuji thing" than a "ryo thing", but i think ryo's active effort to take responsibility and try to help kunemon with what hes stressed about would lend to him trying to come up with something a little more concrete. unfortunately for ryo, he has no backup plan for when the first one is turned upside down, and we all know what happens when something catches him off guard lmao. it was actually really interesting to write ryo in a position where he's witnessing more or less what he himself is like when he shuts down. being the one who has to snap shuuji out of this state has ryo realizing that this is what takuma and kunemon have to deal with when he's the one freaking out. i think that's kinda fun.

the last section has what feels to me like the most editing. it really wasn't a section that i spent a lot of time fiddling with until now because the bulk of it was quoting or paraphrasing existing dialogue from the start of part 6 for context, then diverging into what that scene looks like in a world where lopmon isn't around to be unable to explain what happened. like i said on ao3, as i was reading over the canon dialogue in truthful for reference, i realized i really just…didn't like it much. the argument escalates and de-escalates several times but never to a degree that feels all that extreme, and ends up feeling like it's just dragging out for no reason. people make their points at times that feel WEIRD, particularly ryo. lemme see if i can explain this.

so ryo doesnt say this til the latter half of this argument, and i HATED THAT because it's like… after everything he's been through with kunemon, it doesn't feel right that he's having those doubts. but i thought about it and i actually think it makes sense for him to have a momentary lapse where he slips back into old habits - letting fear take over and pushing away anything and anyone that has even the slightest chance of hurting him. he spent a LOT of time in that mindset, and even though he's working on reversing it, it's not gonna happen in a day. that said… the placement of ryo's doubts in the canon dialogue still feels super weird. i think it makes a lot more sense for him to panic at the very beginning of this argument, and then calm down as he remembers how solid his bond with kunemon is before sticking up for the digimon a little more aggressively. it just feels so passive in-canon when i think he would have taken a much more active role in defending falcomon and the others once 1) he remembers the context surrounding what happened in the waterway, and 2) he's reminded of how kunemon has helped him change.

i know some of the weird pacing of this dialogue is because the player needs to have input at some point, but i think takuma could've been much more powerless during this argument - the game has no problem taking away agency, since saving ryo is the only thing that will save shuuji, no matter what the player does. maybe im nitpicking, idk.

regardless, minoru's dialogue makes the most sense, but i still think it could have been condensed into a much sharper and more sudden escalation. it keeps being like "(minoru voice) IM MAD IM MAD" "(takuma voice) chill" "(minoru voice) oops sorry. … … … IM MAD IM MAD IM MAD" "(takuma voice) calm down" "(minoru voice) oops. … … … IM MAD IM MAD" etc etc etc. it just made the argument feel weak and drawn-out instead of intense and explosive.

i did keep some of it though! i thought that minoru's paranoia and sudden fear of trusting his partner was pretty compelling, which is why i kept those doubts in and quoted the lines about him wanting falcomon to prove his loyalty.

i chose those lines specifically because they say a LOT about minoru once you connect this argument with what i think is the root of his insecurities - his parents' divorce.

it's funny because as far as im aware, The Divorce doesn't even come up unless you choose an INCORRECT ANSWER in an OPTIONAL affinity event with minoru. im not 100% sure thats the only mention though! im currently at pt8 of my replay where the goal is to see every bit of truthful route dialogue possible. if it comes up in other routes, i managed to miss it lmao. anyway, because of that, for the longest time i thought The Divorce was just a popular headcanon, and didn't actually see that dialogue until recently. but as soon as i did i started looking at the stuff he does and says through the lens of somebody who was affected extremely poorly by his parents divorce, and it contextualized A LOT for me. suddenly the way he reacts in pt 6 makes so much sense, because imo falcomon turning around and killing him isn't his only concern: he's also terrified that he was vulnerable in front of someone who doesn't actually care.

pre-game minoru lacks a support system, and is afraid to rely on a new one. im not going to go on about it for too long because we'd be here all day, but im pretty sure that his parents divorce was MESSY, and he witnessed all of it. that same event where he mentions to takuma that his parents are divorced is also when he says that he doesn't think his mom has noticed that he's missing, even though at this point the kids believe that they've been gone for several days. he doesn't see his mother as support because she's too busy working, and since he doesn't even know where his father currently lives, clearly he doesnt get much if any support from his dad. the difficulty minoru has in shedding the goofy exterior and being genuine and vulnerable in front of people makes me think that he never found a support system to replace the one that he watched crumble in realtime when his parents split.

prior to part 6, we can assume that minoru started to see falcomon as someone that he could allow to see his insecurities. i also believe that minoru understood that shuuji and lopmon's relationship was supposed to look a lot like his and falcomon's, or like anybody else and their partner's. minoru could see lopmon trying to be supportive, so the dysfunction only seemed like it was on shuuji's end. so when lopmon flies off the handle and tries to murder shuuji, one of the things that minoru gets from it is that, no, actually, the trust and support that the digimon have for their partners is NOT unconditional. i think that watching this happen looks exactly like how it felt when the support system he'd had in his parents completely fell apart, except the lopmon situation comes with a fun extra "I'm going to kill you" sort of vibe that tells minoru that his relationship with falcomon is just not safe.

or worse, maybe that support system was never real in the first place. what if there was something darker beneath the surface that he just couldn't see?

anyway.

now, as dracmon says, all we gotta do is hurry up and wait. well. you do. i dont, im gonna be editing chapter 5 til the cows come home. im getting the distinct impression that it's gonna require even more reworking than this chapter did.

but that's neither here nor there - id love to hear your Gamer Theories about what im cooking up. there are a few things that are still going unaddressed after four chapters, and i wonder how much of it can be puzzled out based on what i've said so far. obviously im not able to see the story from a reader's perspective, so im not really able to gauge if the stuff that's being foreshadowed or otherwise implied is starting to become clearer. so please consider leaving a comment with what you think, or your favorite part or anything else that stood out to you! I'd much appreciate it. thank you for reading, and see you… mm… nnnnext…week…? ideally.

#digimon #digimon survive #kayama shuuji #shuuji kayama #tominaga ryo #ryo tominaga #kunemon

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trickstarbrave · 2 years ago

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Hello! I am here to inform you that I would happily read a 10 page essay about Alduin's Bane. Spoilers are a highlight. Your Elder Scrolls lore is incredible and I am frothing at the mouth for more.

oh man now i have decision paralysis i have so much to talk about given the fic is over 150k (somehow. i cant believe i wrote that much) uhhhhhh im just gonna give some bullet points of what i can think of

>originally was going to just be a oneshot centered around the past that would have been the first 3-ish chapters but i liked it so much i had continued it

>hell i had debated actually naming eyja or not for a while lol

>originally fengr wasn't going to be in the story, but i actually liked him the more i thought about him. he is supposed to be the archtypical box art "dragonborn" bethesda markets (except two handed weapons instead of dual wielding). i thought he made a good foil and could help drive some of the character development and give eyja more to connect her to the world and also because i wanted to use him as a foil for another character

>i did intend for sheogorath to be the champion of cyrodiil. not everyone agrees with this theory but i liked it. i also hope i did a better job making the quest more interesting. i was really proud of connecting the weird, seemingly disjointed dream world quests to our main character's psyche and problems rather than being just a cheap joke

>i also LOVE sanguine if you couldn't tell. writing him was some of my favorite stuff. genuine chaos and debauchery. he technically had the right idea

>i had a big plan in mind for a side plot where The Gang currently (fengr, serana, eyja, alduin) run into cicero and the listener who were tasked with assassinating the dragonborn and instead ask for their help to take down astrid who they know is planning on turning on them. this was going to lead to a full blown assassination of the current emperor, but for the life of me i couldn't think of a satisfactory way to connect the plot to the rest of the story without feeling like i was forcing a block through a circular hole so it has been indefinitely tabled. if it makes it back in the story then it does but so far i'm not planning on it. but if you're wondering what happened to our dear little jester he is off helping rebuild the dark brotherhood with his wood elf listener

>in my fic to be mentioned later alduin actually got so angry he ripped off solstheim as a provide from mainland skyrim and flung it off into the ocean during a big ass battle

>i remember some ppl saying alduin could be akin to shiva. whether or not you like this idea or think it is credible i was a lil inspired by the myths of sati and parvati in the loosest of ways

>im still very proud that i made bleakfalls barrow originally designed and built to be eyja's tomb. in functions VERY much as a tutorial dungeon in many aspects with like blatant plot hooks in the form of the dragon stone and word wall that we just dont see in other tombs. not to mention it is very large and in your face, something you expect to be of bigger importance, and delphine wanted the dragon stone for some unexplained reason, so. head dragon priest's tomb it is. but alduin wouldn't actually let her be buried there, which only lead to credence to the mainstream belief that konahrik had defected or betrayed alduin and he had killed her in a rage.

>how she got the mask i just realized i never explained. basically my bullshit reason was she owns the mask. the mask was sealed off to wait for a new owner if one ever came, and then was lost to time. dragon priests arent really supposed to "die" in my telling of events so she got the mask by wandering in and it opened up for her assuming she was the original owner here to claim it. it does not do this for literally anyone else

>alduin kind of fucking sucked at sex. i hint at this in several ways but in their first lifetime he just fucking sucked at it. i cannot fully stress how just bad and clumsy he was. this immortal dragon god of the end of time was a complete virgin and it showed. if it wasn't for the fact he was a god she adored i dont think eyja would have put up with it. but luckily she taught him better.

>they were together i estimate in the ballpark of 60 years prior to her being killed. a very fun time for the people of skyrim given alduin wasnt randomly flying overhead to munch on them

>i wanna work more on serana and alduin's dynamic bc i think it is very funny. she's gotten over her panic into just normal rational fear and questioning her sanity of "wait the actual dragon god??? thats who im traveling with????"

>as far as dragon priests knew it was an open secret eyja and alduin were fucking. the general public didnt know but most of the priests knew. and most of the dragons but they were more confused by the concept of actually having sex which seemed weird in general

actual big spoilers under the cut for people who dont wanna see:

>fengr is, in the next little mini arc we're about to do with curing lycanthrope, about to be revealed as also a dragonborn. i like to imagine that was akatosh's back up plan or something. i wont reveal all of what the revelation entails to keep that fun and exciting

>also to be mentioned: molag bal has beef with alduin and eyja because her mask is actually made of daedric ivory. alduin went "i need a cooler material for her mask to be made out of" and went all the way to a realm of oblivion to kill one of molag bal's big ass daedra. this has lead to much of molag bal's beef with dragons

>several members of the thalmor were investigating the masks (this is canon) and took a particular interest in both eyja's and the time traveling unnamed mask. this wooden mask alduin had made in hopes it could bring eyja back (it failed)

>back to the sati and parvati myths uhhhh part of that has translated to miraak and his motivations. i hope you didn't have "miraak is past life eyja's ex" on your bingo card because you will not be able to check that off. miraak was her father.

>in that regard i had to think a lot about how having kids would be handled by dragon priests. i dont see miraak actually raising any children he had, and he probably had a variety of concubines and wives to sleep with as i imagine most of the other dragon priests did, but no time to actually get attached. so she probably only had some status and little interactions with him prior to this, but boy was miraak mad he couldnt just use her influence for his own gain. idk if i will get to mention all this part in my fic lol

>finding out one of his kids actually inherited his abilities led him down the path to trying to understand what dragonborn were. he thought he was a strange, special existence, but finding out there were more people like him made him wanna find out how they worked. this also invariably led to him experimenting on several of eyja's multitude of half siblings that died prior to him getting his hands on her. also prob wont get to mention all this in the fic

>in this vein i had the idea to make vahlok eyja's other parent but i didn't think it did much for the story so. i might go in the way of "helpful mentor" or just that he didnt fucking suck

#i will add more as i think of them i just got off my work break #alduin #my fic #the elder scrolls #elder scrolls fanfic #eyja

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