#i just get laughs out of this whole thing but it does skeeve me out supremely to imagine younger or more sensitive writers dealing with thi

[inkskinned]

she says he won't let her get a dog, which is fine, because they're in an apartment, and that's the kind of thing people say about their partners. he won't let me get a dog. and you're at a dinner party and you tilt your head a little to the side just like that dog he won't let her get, because is this the thing that's going to upset you? you don't know every corner of their relationship, she could be joking, they could have had so many healthy conversations about the dog, right, and maybe she's not letting herself get the dog because of money and time and whatever. but, like, she did say let

and she wants to move away from his hometown and he wants to stay and then he tells you with a wink and a conspiratorial stage whisper don't worry i'll convince her and she laughs about it - so clearly this is something they laugh about. but you do just stand there and stare at him like what the fuck, man. you can't say what you want to say which is why do you get the final say on everything because they're both obviously aware of the other person's stance on this and have obviously had private conversations about it and what are you going to do about it except make a scene and then he'll be mad at you and call you one of those bitches behind your back and she'll cut you off, which is a loss that doesn't feel worth it just because he makes you a little skeeved out every 3rd comment

and they both agree he just isn't the type to get flowers which is fine because everyone shows love differently, and are you really gonna judge someone based on their sense of individual relationship responsibility? maybe he's constantly cleaning her car and writing her poems and making her furniture or something. maybe she doesn't even like flowers and this is perfect, actually. and no you couldn't date him, obviously, ew; but like, she tells you she's happy. you almost send her a tiktok that says don't be 25 and the cool girl that doesn't need anything, you'll hate not getting flowers at 30, but that's like, starting drama & you shouldn't start drama needlessly.

and you're a little older than her but not so much older you can pull the whole trust me on this one babe thing and besides that wouldn't have worked anyway (when does it ever) and besides you have trauma so you and your therapist both agree that you're always looking for a problem even when there isn't one. and you tell yourself that just because you see them for 15 minutes every month does not mean you can identify every single red flag based on a single shitty half-joking(?) comment

and besides, what are you going to do? she says i actually wanted another stand mixer but thankfully he stops me when i'm about to spend too much money and you're standing there like are you okay? is this normal? is this just something people say? and again - what are you going to do?

to your therapist you try to language it - it's not, like, any of my business. but sometimes, doesn't it feel like - you should do something. there's got to be something, right? you've tried dropping little hints but they sail right through and you've tried having a single serious conversation and she got upset because why does it matter to you, yes it's different but we're happy, it doesn't need to make sense to you and you're like. really unwilling to push a boundary about it anymore; because the truth is that you know logically it shouldn't matter to you, as long as both parties are happy.

and besides, you've been wrong before. it's just... like, every time you see them both, something else happens, some kind of shiver down your spine like do you even hear each other when you talk. it's their strange, bickering orbit. just the way he's on his phone through dinner or watching sports instead of helping in the kitchen or, fuck, another one of these little throwaway comments he makes about we'll see about that, babe. she laughs when he calls her passions stupid shit and meanwhile she gets him tickets to see the knicks and he tells you well at least she's smart about something and still! it's none of your business.

you say get the dog anyway and she laughs. like, this is is you being funny. and not you saying - no really. get the dog. get the dog and get out of here. pack up and start running.

[bandtrees]

ohh my god. the world is so small! i'd done a lot of poking around on ffn and found a few people who also seem to be people he harasses, as well as old accounts of his, so i figured this was a pretty widespread thing (especially since my situations so specific i figured he just did this to about every wc author he sees) - but i had no idea he was on other sites too! wow.

i've taken the whole thing well because i honestly just think it's funny (especially because ffn is a site thats held together by toothpicks and glue and the odds of getting spam/nothing reviews compared to actual comments are like 3:1), but also, good to spread awareness on like. an actual scumbag xP we should all start a selfish cur support group. a Cur Library

my favorite part of his comments is that he says "will suck". not "your (writing skils/fics/etc) suck" but "they will suck". he cannot honestly say they suck currently, but in the future? oh man. better watch out.

>be me >update my warriors oc fic on ao3 and ffn >receive a pm >

>

>check this guy's profile >

>obvious fetish fics in favorites >favorite authors are mostly young warriors fans >sent the pm an hour after i posted my fic update >fetish miner who just pms every warriors author they see >politely respond "no i don't, sorry!" >close ffn for the day >next morning >check my fic stats on ffn >see my warriors fic has a new review >check it >

[milogreer]

❥ my top ten redacted audio speakers !!

i’ve seen a bunch of people doing this so i wanted to join in! i love a bandwagon 😋

feisty werewolf; milo - i mean, come on. *gestures at my blog* look at me. milo very quickly took top spot, by the time i got to the panic attack audio i was like the rest of y’all can pack it up bc this guy’s got me hooked lmfao it was just so sweet to see a softer side of the guy who, at that point in the timeline, had mostly only been abrasive, cocky, and flirty. that accent also does everything for me. the exact moment i fell in love with him was when he said, “of course i’m not mad. i was worried - scared that you were hurt or something. but never mad.” 🫠💖

nervous air elemental; lasko - lasko… what can i say about lasko. he definitely awoke something in me lmao, initially i didn’t want to get into the elementals because meeting new people felt like a chore at the time but he immediately made me laugh and it was all downhill from there… i love that he’s kinda freaky and he makes me want to bite him in the non-canon audios, but even in prime universe he’s just so sweet and a really good friend. and his relationship with coworker makes me so proud of his development

arrogant incubus; gavin - i’ve said it before but gavin’s the reason i’m here! his hbs 2023 audio was my first audio of the channel, and to go back in time and watch his progression to that point was so heartwarming 🥺 him and freelancer are possibly the best pair in the universe, i just adore everything about them. gavin’s audios are actually the hardest ones for me to listen to because the love he has for freelancer is suffocating to witness in a really bittersweet way 😩

yandere cultist friend; blake - this one is um …. i never expected this HAHA when i first listened to the balance he really skeeved me out (as he should), but then mother mother released ‘explode!’ and for some unfathomable reason it got into my head as a blake song and i couldn’t dissociate it from him. on a second listen of the balance, i definitely appreciate his character more and the juxtaposition of him with elliott and sunshine vs bestie is so so interesting to me. i can’t even be mad at bestie because he’d have me wrapped around his finger too 🥲 rly nervous for his next story update

chaotic boyfriend; guy - BABYGIRL. humor is the biggest thing i look for in relationships both platonic and romantic and no one makes me laugh like guy does. he’s so my type and the way honey acts is literally how i am with guys i like, so guy audios are always so much fun to listen to 💖 and no BA hits quite like that pre-recorded one

i ended up talking more than i thought i would so the other half is under the cut!

it gets kind of messy in the second half because i think these could get shuffled around depending on my mood but for now these are my thoughts!

seer obscura; morgan - morgan is… captivating. i know he kinda only blew up after ‘time is a song’ but it’s with good reason; the atmosphere is so calming but also, like… there’s a longing to it, ykwim? the two of them being the only know seer obscuras naturally lends a hand to the tension between them. no one else understands their unique struggles - so when his new obscura acquaintance calls him up in the middle of the night asking for help and comfort, of course he isn’t going to say no. it’s such an intimate setting for their third audio together and you can feel the tension building the whole time up to “i want to know you.” it’s just a really good audio. very interested to see where his story goes

sarcastic inchoate demon; avior - THE SNARK. THE QUIET KINDNESS. THE MYSTERY. THE YEARNING. THE TRAGEDY. avior’s got it all. sovereign state had me on the edge of my seat the whole time and still does, honestly. his hbs rewind audio is one of my favorites; the effort and love he put into that little date to give starlight a reprieve from their shared hell… he is such a romantic 💖 there’s nothing quite like falling in love while stuck in an actual hell

unempowered boyfriend; geordi - he’s an interesting one for me bc my love of him is directly tied to cutie + cutie’s telepathy giving us a look into his head (i just melt over his whispered little i love yous and compliments). they have a fascinating and messy story that i live for even when it makes me sick lol i adore that they’re both flawed but that they’re taking steps to better themselves. it’s fun when couples in the redactedverse aren’t perfect but still try to be better out of love

mysterious stranger; hush - THE weird guy. within his first audio i went from being indifferent to charmed. i love a mystery and everything about him is mysterious, but he’s also so clueless sometimes that it’s like. so what if he tied doc to the bed in their first meeting, now he’s asking to hold their hand when he’s nervous. so what if his purpose is to free the sovereigns? he learned how to cook for doc. i can’t NOT love him

unknown yandere caller - i’m a ghostface fan, okay. and i’m a taurus. i like when people are obsessed with me 🤷🏼‍♀️ there’s just something so… like. listen. “you’ll start to expect me. you’ll start to crave me.” from the audio and “i know you’ll find them. and you’ll keep them. because they’re from me.” from his card? the arrogance. it’s bewitching. i need him back ASAP i don’t even care if he doesn’t get a real name, i just miss him. come back please 🙏🏻

[mashiraostail]

Hi so I had this sorta funny idea. could I request headcanons for hizashi keigo and aizawa somehow upsetting their s/o (not too serious but she's still mad) and her vowing to get back at them not telling how, when or where but tells them to just watch their back and it making the guys a little jumpy whenever they show up around them when they're at work and maybe she's not really gonna do anything except let their own paranoia be punishment

omg drake and josh vibes i see u this is funny! For sure! Under da cut <3

Hizashi: It really was NOT his fault you scared easy, He didn’t do it on purpose (He did it on purpose) ‘Hizashi there is no way to jump behind someone wearing headphones, grab them, and scream boo accidentally!’ ‘it was an impulse! Habitual!’ ‘Either way! It’s the principal of the thing!’  When you warn him he’s gonna pay for it he just laughs, seriously, come on what could you actually do...right?  Things go back to normal hardly an hour after the small confrontation but in the coming days you randomly take on this...tone with him..like you’re up to no good. It freaks him out. He checks the bolts on every chair before he sits down.  He’s jumpy, everyone notices it, even more so when you’re around and looking bored. Aizawa has WAY too much fun with it, if he’s sitting beside Hizashi he’s definitely gonna mutter out a , ‘watch out behind you.’ Just to watch the blonde sputter and spin rapidly around. He’s about to take a bite of food or a sip of his drink and Aizawa will say something like, “are you really hungry?” or “I wouldn’t drink that, personally.” While you snicker across the room at him. He’ll try to make it up to you and he’s extra nice in the coming days but the aura of mischief around you doesn’t disperse at this point he’s terrified.  Even just coming up behind him with a ‘hey Zashi.’ is enough to make him jump out of his skin at you. After a week or so, you start to feel a little guilty.  “Hey you” You chirp hands coming down on his shoulders, he looks skeeved out, like you’ve got a handful of bugs you’re about to drop on him, or worse. “What’s with that face?” You frown at him, “don’t you love me anymore?”  “Of course I love you!” He’ll protest boisterously. “Then relax.” You laugh, “I’m not gonna do anything to you. I just wanted to scare you back.”  He’ll cry about how evil you are the whole way home.  Keigo: Food was food. He saw food, he ate it. It’s not like you’d starve without it! And how was he to know? You didn’t seem all that mad, just a little peeved, which he thought was fair, a couple minutes of brooding and you’d go get cozy with him again. But instead, you insist you’re gonna ‘get back at him when he least expects it’  It doesn’t bother him at first, but then you’re being extra nice, showing up to the agency, smiling at him, kissing him all the time, but all of it is done with an undeniable air of mischief. Something smelt funny here.  He starts to be wary of you, wariness turns into full-blown paranoia.  “You’re jumpy.” Even Tokoyami would notice.  “I’m not.”  “Hey, Keegs I was in the area so-” Your voice alone triggers flailing and falling and jumping, “what the hell?!” You’ll make dinner for the pair of you then say something vague and uncomfortable like, “suddenly I’m not very hungry.”   When he takes off his jacket you murmur out a, “be a shame if something happened to that huh?”  Enji notices, thinks it’s kind of pathetic but also does nothing to calm his nerves, he doesn’t have much of a sense of humor but it’s always fun to watch this guy act like an idiot. “Hey is that who I think it is?” He’ll say as they walk down a main road together in broad daylight, but still, Keigo will look like he’s walking into a dark alley at 3 AM all of a sudden. It’ll probably be Tokoyami who puts him onto the idea of ‘paranoia is his punishment’ but the amount of fear that strikes into him is terrible, you were too good, you deserved to be feared.  You take pity on him about a week after. “Keigo, come here, I need help please.”  “eeehh I dunno-” He looks wary of you but slowly approaches you anyways.  “Closer.” You frown until he’s bending down before you.  “Okay kiss me-” “No way.” “HURTFUL!” You gasp, “I’m trying to make up! I’m not gonna do anything I just wanted to freak you out as payback!” You shove him, “jerk! Go away.” “No, wait, I’ll kiss you!” 

Aizawa He knew it was your favorite sweater, and he was going to return it, honestly, it wasn’t his fault a small..minor..explosive fight..broke out... and that he had to break it up and in the process perhaps your sweater...caught..fire. Though Bakugou and Midoriya did receive very intense death glares once he realizes his misstep. You were definitely gonna be mad at him. Sure enough, you are, and when you vow to get back at him it does send just the tiniest chill up his spine. He wasn’t scared of a lot of things, he’d argue that he was mostly unafraid of everything, bugs didn’t bother him, not heights, high speeds, big villains, physical fights, injury, all of it was part of his reality, but you...when you had that aura of absolutely up to no good..well anyone would be a little nervous.  Hizashi absolutely loses it when he’s sitting across a table from Aizawa and you come up from behind the poor man and rub his shoulders with a long drawn out, “Hey Shou..” He’s never seen his friend's eyes so wide.  The others are more subtle Aizawa is outright and blunt. Phrases like “Get away from me.” or “please get away from me” and “What are you doing with that?” also “I can’t deal with this right now.” and “stop looking at me like that or so help me god.” become common whenever you enter a room.  Hizashi has way too much fun, with it, “are you gonna take a nap right now? They could be anywhere you know.” suddenly he isn’t so tired. The paranoia came from the fact he had no clue what you would do. You were a capable young professional, you could do some serious damage if you took him by surprise.  Even Toshinori, who tries not to make laughing at other’s misfortune a habit, can’t help but laugh at how skittish Aizawa is. Even his students notice him tense up at your voice or the mention of you. You cave after he tells you to, ‘get away from me before I have a fucking conniption.’ for the tenth time in just a few days.  “Okay don’t give yourself a heart attack. I was just playing with you...as payback. I didn’t think it’d work so well I feel kinda bad now.”  “That...is so cruel.” “Shou you started it by running that sweater!”  “Yeah and I’ll end it when you least expect it.”   

[tochasingwaterfalls]

toni and shelby scenes i practiced writing because i officially have no life anymore

(2nd pov shelby and not always entirely accurate)

1. what the fuck are you wearing

The first time Toni talks to you, like really interacts with you, is when you pull Martha out of that riptide and bandage her ankle with the material of your top. She comes flying towards the two of you, worried about Martha, and so relieved, that she doesn’t even notice you at first. But when Martha shifts her attention towards you, compliments you, thanks you for the help, Toni looks at you. And she doesn’t just look at you, she scans you up and down and your skin starts to feel hot under the intensity of her gaze and you’re about to say something when -

“What the fuck are you wearing.”

You decide to brush over that, you tell yourself that she‘s on edge like all of you, that she didn’t mean for it to sound this patronizing, and when you walk back to the others, you try not to think about the way she looked at you. You try not to think about the way it made your skin crawl and burn at the same time, something you‘ve never felt before and something so entirely wrong.

2. god’s such a joke

“I‘m so sick of looking at your fucking ponytail. I feel like it thinks it’s better than me,“ she bites and when you turn around, she’s right there, up in your personal space, looking at you and challenging you to bite back with her eyes so intense that you forget how to breathe for a moment. 

“Why don’t you go in front, then?” You offer and she scoffs, brushes right past you with all her anger and when your hands just barely touch, it sets your body on fire all over again. You’re proud that you didn't let her get under your skin with all her punching remarks, toned arms and that insufferable smirk of hers - and yet what you fail to realize is, that she already runs so much deeper.

Toni stomps in front of you, each step loaded with a tension that stems from a place much further away than anything on this island but at least she’s not talking and you can finally concentrate on finding water. The Lord helps those who help themselves. You mumble a few prayers under your breath and it’s like she’s waited for just that, because she whirls around, snaps “God‘s such a joke,” and scoffs when you stay quiet. It’s something she seems to be doing a lot; scoffing, picking fights where there are none, fighting battles only she knows the cause of. “Do you know He is just a brainwashing tool designed to enslave the masses?“ She’s smirking again, thinks she’s cornered you, and you don’t know why you feel the need to say something back, maybe because you don’t want her to think you have no backbone, or maybe just because you want to see how she reacts. 

“Even if He were just a brainwashing tool, you ever think maybe your brain could use a good,” you draw out your bottom lip with your teeth. “scrub?“ 

“Fuck off.“ 

It’s the start of a game you two continue to play; she’s scoffing, dismissing, disagreeing with everything you say and you’re brushing it off, practicing your patience, all while trying not to let her see how much she actually does rile you up.

3. don’t bullshit me, shelby

It all starts with Rachel commenting the way Toni’s eating the mussels and you wish she would’ve just kept her mouth shut. “Just trying to stay on brand, you know.” Toni smirks, looks proud, and when she brings up the mussel to her mouth, your breath falls short in the back of your throat, because she’s not going to- Oh, she definitely is and there’s a knot settling low in your stomach. You don’t want to watch but it’s physically impossible for you to look away. “You gotta admit, the shape of these things... it’s kinda like a-“ 

“Like a pussy!“ That’s Nora, loud and so surprising, that there’s a shocked moment of silence before they’re back to laughing again and cheering Toni on, all like;

“Lick the clit.” and-

“This is the most action any of us have gotten.” and- 

“Go off, girl!” and-

- you don’t know how can they be so okay with all this but you can’t take it anymore. “Would you stop?!” And okay, maybe it’s a little hysterical with a little too much panic seething through your voice and you can’t meet Toni’s eyes when she wipes off her mouth. 

“Okay, that was hilarious and Shelby has no chill,“ Dot says into the silence that has started to settle in.

 “I have chill, I guess I just don’t - I don‘t see the humour in that sort of thing.“ You still can’t bring yourself to look at her.

“What do you mean that sort of thing?“ You can feel her running hot again, eyes not leaving your face, eyebrows furrowed, hand balled around the mussel so tightly, her knuckles turn white. She has you cornered.

“You know, pornographic gestures. I‘m a Christian, all right? I‘m from a Christian home, I‘m allowed to be a little skeeved out.“ You try your hardest to dodge the question, with the words practically spilling from your lips; and when your eyes finally lock with hers, you think she has to notice how they’re almost begging her not to push any further. This time, she really has you cornered and you can’t let go of the cross hanging off your neck. 

Wether or not she notices the plea in your eyes, Toni pushes, because all she ever does is pick battles. “I mean that‘s not all that’s going on here. Don‘t bullshit me, Shelby, cause the vibe that’s coming of you right now, I‘ve felt it a few too many times not to know what it is.“ 

All she ever does is pick battles but this is one, she has every right to fight. You know that and you look away; you’re practically drowning in your shame and the way Toni continues to push makes your throat close up.

“What are you saying, Toni?“ 

“I’m saying that she can’t stand that I’m gay, Marty, that’s what fucking skeeves her out.” Her anger fails to mask the way she’s hurt, the way her voice breaks a little in the end and you want to cry, knowing you’re the cause of all that.

“Look, I’ll be as honest as possible, because y’all deserve that.” It’s out on the table and you have to take a deep breath before the words rush out of your mouth, as if that would make it any better. You don’t know how the others react to what you say, you’re completely zoned in on Toni; she’s the one that matters and you’re begging her to understand that when you say, “I do believe that way of life is a sin,” you really mean “I’ve started hating myself such a long time ago that I can’t remember how not to.”

But she pushes herself up to her feet and spits “I can’t fucking believe it-“ 

Your tongue presses against your dentures when you cut her off. “I’m sorry, but everything I’ve ever known has taught me that.” Your lips on Becca’s and how right it feels, your father looking at you and then stopping to look at you all together, your pleas that it will never happen again, please, it was all Becca. Everything comes rushing in, balled up into a wave of shame and guilt that hits you square in your chest and almost knocks you over. It cuts up your throat from the inside when you say “Look, there’s no hate in my heart, I just feel sorry-“

“Fuck you.” She has you cornered, but there are no smirks, no snarky comments; there’s just the try to mask pain with anger and self hate with believe and you think that maybe this was the game you played all along.

4. i’m not gonna take shit from you

You don’t have time to figure out what it means when you grab the pill and turn around to face her. “Toni, I’m gonna need you to take this, alright?” 

“Stay away from me.” Still, close to passing out and maybe losing her life, she’s angry and proud and snapping but you brush it aside. You don’t have time for this. 

“If I put this in your mouth, can you take it?”

“I’m not gonna take shit from you.” It sounds weak, her voice hoarse and her lips chapped and you don’t have time to figure out why there’s this hot knot building up in you stomach with every word she says.

“It will save your life, Toni, you’re taking the damn pill.” You’re desperate and worried, knot in your stomach, heat in your veins, and when some of the others try to take the pill from you, something inside of you snaps. “Jesus fucking Christ, am I not allowed to help her!?”

You push her over and you don’t have time to figure what it means when your breathing becomes ragged and your whole body feels like it’s being set on fire when you force her to open her damn mouth.

“Swallow the fucking pill.” You're on top of her, one hand covering her mouth to make sure that she doesn’t spit out the pill, the other tangled in her hair, skin on skin and never this close before. It makes your head spin. When you hear her swallow and a flood of relief washes over your body, you’re not sure you want to figure out what that means. It will never happen again.

Toni runs deeper than your skin, she’s in your bones and in your veins and you’re scared shitless. So you do what you do best, and you walk away.

5. you’re free here

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to have to be pitch perfect every second? To be watched like a hawk for the slightest bit of weight gain or the tiniest wobble in my heal or if my hem is just a centimeter off regulation or if I say the wrong thing about international politics? God, help me.” 

“So you’re complaining about being judged when you literally signed up for that?”

“I know, I - “ You know she’s right. She’s cornered you again. “But I‘m not just talking about pageant stuff. It feels like everywhere I go, somebody is asking me to meet some kind of expectation. It’s a lot is all. The pressure.“ You don’t know how to say it to make her understand - without saying too much, that is. You’re playing the game again and she’s winning.

“Yeah, well, my dad‘s been a no show since day one and my mom is in and out of rehab like it’s a fucking white castle, so nobody expects shit from me. Doesn‘t feel great either.” You hear her voice get rough, close to breaking and she blinks a little harsher than just a minute ago. “Do you know how many field trips I had to bail on, cause no one’s been there to sign my permission slip? You know, I don’t give a fuck about going to the planetarium, you know? It just would’ve been nice to have someone there to say that I could.“ She’s rushing out things you’re not sure anyone else knows, maybe not even Martha, and you’re desperately trying to comprehend all of it.

“Yeah, but-“ 

“Shelby, if you’re trying to out-sad me, it‘s a losing fucking battle.“ She says it with a finality that's so much like her and it breaks your heart. Here you have her, talking to you like she means every word she says and you’re still thinking you’re playing a stupid game.

“But you’re free, don’t you see that? You don’t have to answer to anybody,” you argue and hits closer to home than anything you’ve ever told anyone before-

And then Toni says something that changes everything.

 “And neither do you, not right now anyway.” Your eyes bore into hers and you realize that she’s right. That she knows what she’s talking about. That you’ve been hiding and that you’re tired of it. She keeps talking and you’re too busy staring at her lips and the way her eyebrows are furrowed together in a way to underline the point she’s making, to hear what she’s saying. “I mean, you’re on a deserted island a million miles away from whatever bullshit expectations you left behind. You’re free here, Shelby, and if you’re not taking advantage of that, then I don’t know what the fuck to tell you.“

You’re free here. You’re free. 

Before you know what you’re doing, you rush in, thumbs on her cheeks and fingers curling around the back of her neck and you finally, finally, finally press your lips against hers. It’s desperate and it’s everything you’ve wanted to do for God knows how long. The way she kisses you back makes you feel closer to God than any prayer ever could and it feels so right until-

My, God.

You pull away and you're staring at her, breath falling short in the back of your throat, lips hot and so caught up in the moment. 

And then it comes crashing in. It will never happen again, please, Dad. It’s not what you think it is. This is not who I am.

You’re free. You’re free and you do what you do best, you run away from it. The difference is, that this time, there’s someone to chase after you.

[regrettablewritings]

Well I recently watched Trouble in the Heights, so let's go for Nevada Ramirez & Love, even if he perhaps has 1 bare inch of it in his whole body.

(I’m still fucking wheezing oh my gOD. Nevada Ramirez is 5′9″, and that ninth inch is composed completely out of the one inch of love he can actually express like a normal human being.) Similar to the Bruce Wayne one, though, some of these were sorta referenced in past Nevada pieces (what few there comparatively are). So, just in case, I included links to those pieces because they generally go into more detail in certain areas. Hope that’s all good!

Who said “I love you” first?: Well, you said it in that way first, so technically it was you. But if we just meant the actual soul of the phrase, of someone vocally expressing to another their love and interest in their well being, even without the exact words in place? It was Nevada. And even he didn’t necessarily notice it in the moment. Granted, even a sentence like, “Hey, don’t be stupid and just go straight home, understand me?” can slip Nevada’s notice as a sign of his own affection. He’s not nearly as in tune with his emotions as he’d like to think, really.

What are their primary love languages?: It’s really hard to place what a guy like Nevada’s love language could possibly be -- mainly because it’s hard to picture a guy like Nevada and a concept like love even inhabiting the same room. Being a gang leader and, well, just being Nevada Ramirez in total, he likes to give off the air that he doesn’t really necessarily need anybody — that everyone, from his underlings to even his past lovers are more or less side dressing he allows near him. But don’t be fooled: This little shit gets by on spoiling you and the affirmations he earns from them. The great thing about gifts is that in theory you could present them without needing to say much or even say anything at all. And given ‘Vada’s . . . less than delicate manner of speaking, this can be a good thing. And don’t get it twisted, he ain’t no sentimental pussy or nothing; he just sorta likes how your face glows when he just so happens to remember things like your favorite candy, or artist you mentioned wanting a framed piece by. He don’t need you to tell him he’s the best (he already knows he is), but it doesn’t hurt to hear you cry it as you practically fling yourself at him and smooch him silly. He also appreciates acts of service. Shady as his business is, it still demands a lot of the man. He won’t always express it completely but those nights when you show up at his place with his favorite takeout, or he comes home and finds the sheets have been cleaned or that you’ve done whatever he’d meant to have completed earlier that day? He almost wants to drag you to the edge of the bed and express his thanks to you. He appreciates it more than you would think.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA?: Frequently, actually. There is hardly a moment wherein Nevada doesn’t have some part of him touching you: His hand resting on your hip or place in the back pocket of your jeans; your rump resting comfortably on his lap; his arm around you as you lean back in the VIP section of a club; or even just your legs over his own (or vice-versa) as you rest on the couch at home. Many would assume it’s just for show; that El Trujillo is simply asserting his dominance to all who might consider approaching you with sexual intent. They wouldn’t necessarily be wrong -- Nevada does intend to wordlessly yet loudly tell people that you belong to him. However, in addition to this, ‘Vada also just likes to show you off to everyone. And what better way to show the world his beautiful girl than to have her perched on his lap like a pretty bird on a branch?

What are their favorite things to do together?: To the surprise of no one, you two don’t have too, too much in common in terms of interest: Nevada, with his silver palate, enjoys eating out at restaurants with no less than four stars, and you enjoy going out to live shows, specifically on or even off-Broadway musicals. You don’t really care much for the strange food he likes, and he’s extremely particular about what sorts of show’s he’ll even bother with, but you do it for one another. But when it comes to what very few things you do enjoy in common, it ultimately gets narrowed down to two things: Cuddling on the couch and watching TV. Typically old shows or telanovelas because they’re both enjoyable and so terrible that neither of you can help but jeer at the bad acting, awful storylines, and cheesy sets and costumes. It’s a very strange bonding activity -- and certainly not one that anyone would associate with Nevada (and he wants to keep it that way). But it’s the one that you two enjoy the most after a long week, and a surefire way to help both parties relax and cheer up.

Who’s better at comforting the other?: Well, you’re one of the only one who can make him genuinely laugh if that says anything. Nevada isn’t an easy man to comfort, mostly because in his stubbornness, he’s become convinced that his power comes from his anger. So really, it should be sign enough that he even decided to go steady with you that he finds some sort of comfort in your presence (regardless of what he might tell you).

Who’s more protective?: Being a dealer of some infamy, Nevada is aware that he’s made more enemies than friends both in The Heights and out of them. As easy as it is to assume he doesn’t care too much about you, the reality is far from the truth: He cares deeply for you in his own Nevada way. When you go to one of his clubs, he’s never far away or not without you in his line of sight. There’s always a hand resting on your hip or your thigh, or he’ll, you’re always on his lap. Call it primal, but smart enough people who value their lives can take one look at ‘Vada’s hand resting on your ass and just know not to even bother with you. Slightly less smart may need to look at the man’s cold, murderous glower just for confirmation. And those with no sense of self-preservation have essentially signed their death warrant. But that’s in an environment he can control. Outside of his bars, his clubs, his restaurants where he’s a VIP? He’s a lot more quiet about it. Originally, he made sure you always had at least two Men-turned-bodyguards nearby you at all times, but you complained about how difficult it made everything from going to work to simply going shopping. “I don’t need your boys to know what types of tampons I use, Nevada!” you bristled. After much arguing, he eventually agreed to go another way about it: There’s actually more people with their eyes on you, often in disguise or paid off, but he’s made sure to put more distance on them so that you won’t feel as skeeved (or that you’ll even know they’re there for that matter). (For extra measure, if he can get you to agree to it, he’ll also have you equipped with a “Saturday Night Special” so to speak.) But be aware: The moment anyone so much as indicates even thinking about making you a target? That calm, cold demeanor rises to a simultaneously freezing yet infernal rage: You will be put on lock down or even ushered to a safe house until the threat can be dealt with. You will be escorted about the house at every moment by an armed man. And you will be kept safe until the threat has been literally disposed of.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?: Physical, because at least then he doesn’t have to say anything. Asshole behavior aside, Nevada knows damn well that he’s the absolute worst with words and that it honestly doesn’t take much to set you off. He figures that so long as he doesn’t have to actually say anything, he stands a better chance at not ticking you off and screwing himself over.

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise?: “The Wolf” by SIAMÉS. “Silvertongue” by Young the Giant. “Love Me Dead” by Ludo, if the roles were reversed . . . Nevada is just plain symbolic of something that’s bad for you but just feels so good to have. That in spite of how poisonous he actually is, he is capable of using just the right words and moves to have you addicted to him after just one drop. And in spite of everything he might insist or do, it works both ways: You’re both tragically and constantly craving the other, and it can wear you both out. But then again, that’s just what addiction is: Craving to the point of depletion. Though if you want something more optimistic, there’s also “Body Talks” by The Struts: Nevada doesn’t understand it himself but all he knows is that the very moment he laid eyes on you, he was going to do whatever it took to make you his — and, judging by your body language, you were perfectly happy to do that, so long as he worked for it. And let’s face it: El Trujillo ain’t afraid to get his hands dirty.

What kind of nicknames do they call each other?: The problem is that Nevada does have the ability to give nicknames, but he’s mostly crap at it unless there’s an ulterior motive involved. Like when he wants to keep you from being mad at him or to stop you from pouting, he’ll teasingly run a finger along your jawline and pout back a cooing “Cariño” or “Muñequita.” If he means to seduce and tease? You’re his “Good Girl.” If it’s more like he’s for once asking you to do a favor, he’ll give out a quick “Babe” or something of that nature. But if he’s just trying to apply a nickname for the sake of using one? Don’t trust him with that. Trusting him to pick a pet name based on a characteristic of yours, or in reference to an event is just not a good idea. His bluntness almost always causes him to pick the wrong thing to focus on! For example: If you have a green thumb and have taken to keeping a small windowsill garden or a corner for your plants, he’s not going to reference a goddess of greenery or even a flower or spice — he’s going to try calling you “Dirtworm” or something! (And then get frustrated when you express distaste over the name.) You’re honestly probably going to have to guide him to what sort of names you’ll tolerate and what you won’t, which shocks every and all witnesses who know anything about Nevada. A romantic interest? Telling Nevada what to do? It’s more likely than you think! Even though he’ll go along with it to pacify you, the hot-tempered man obviously can’t help but feel as thought you’re being unreasonably picky. After all, he’s more than satisfied with the nicknames you usually give him. Granted, they’re just the same nicknames he’s been going by for years now: El Trujillo, Jefe . . . He used to be called “Daddy” in the VIP sections of his haunts, but that title has since been reserved only for you. That, and ‘Vada. And “Baby Boy”, but only very, very sparingly. Which is still more than he’d let anybody else get away with.

Thank you for your patience!

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 508

I mean, shame on me for allowing myself to get my hopes up that the show might have turned a corner last week. I should know better by now.

At least Young Ian’s back. And Marsali had a nice moment. And that’s about all I have to say about this episode that’s positive. I swear to fuck, this show hates Claire as much as the author of the books does. Where the fuck is the lead protagonist, show? Can she come back? Can she get a story line of her own that’s more than just a random scene every few episodes, please? And can Bree please be given something to fucking do that doesn’t involve Roger, Jemmy or rape? Does Fergus still even live on the Ridge?

But yeah, I guess let’s just all watch the episode twice so our dumb lady!brains can understand that Matt’s stupid silent movie gimmick was actually ~ArT~ and not, you know, a stupidly bad creative choice. Seriously, fuck that guy.

I can’t tell you how much idgaf about watching Roger teach. Also, Bree’s like his students’ age since she was in college too. So really all this bit is doing is to make me skeeved out about their age difference.

“Can you tell me why anyone would go to the trouble of burying one?” he said, condescendingly, like the doucherocket he is. Do not disrespect Young Ian like that, asshat.

“People live and die by their words.” *gestures to the beautiful shitposts on this hellsite* sure jan dot gif.

I already want to fastforward.

Would 100% rather sit through a lecture on suspension bridges than watch silent movies, tbh.

Hate the title card. Hate this whole gimmick.

Hate.

HAAAAATE.

Roger got hanged. Roger was dumb, Buck was an abusive and toxic fuckwad. But still, Roger got hanged and this is how we find out he’s alive and how he was saved?

It should be this big emotional moment. It should make me feel a thing in spite of myself. But nope! Gotta do this fucking silent movie thing. Which is hilariously terrible. And I laughed at it the whole time. In a mean and judgey fashion. What a craptastic creative choice. Whoever’s idea that was is a fucking idiot. *stares at a certain pompous af showrunner*

Ok but for real though, does LJG just like live in North Carolina now? Why is he always around, besides, you know, so we don’t forget he’s a character who exists.

For real though, he lives in Virginia and gets more screen time than fucking Fergus and Marsali who live fucking next door.

At least writing this recap is gonnna be quick and easy since they waste so much time re-showing the stupid silent movie footage.

Yes, I know, they’re trying to show Roger’s PTSD. Which involves flashbacks. And gradually turn it to color once he’s like come to terms with what happened and starts to move forward. But the execution is so bad that the whole arc is wasted because it’s just so poorly done.

Oh hey! A Claire and Bree scene! I love those. Except oh wait, it aggressively fails the Bechdel Test.

I JUST WANT THE FUCKING WOMEN ON THIS SHOW TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO THAT’S COMPLETELY FUCKING SEPARATE FROM THE MEN. ARGH.

Jocasta singing at Murtz’s cairn is a reminder that everyone should check out MDK’s music.

And her wearing the necklace Murtz gave her makes the existence of show!Duncan even dumber. Like oh hey, new husband, don’t mind me, just mourning my dead boyfriend and wearing his jewelry. But it’s totally normal since my niece-in-law still wears her abusive ex-husband’s ring.

Sorry, show!Duncan, but a more pointless character was never included. Show!Duncan wins the prize for most BeCaUsE tHe BoOk dumbassery.

Repeatedly showing what’s basically a snuff film is...a choice.

LJG has no sense of personal space when it comes to the Frasers. And it’s fucking creepy.

Oh look, another scene where all Claire gets to do is comfort someone about a man.

*BANGS FIST ON TABLE* GIVE CLAIRE BEAUCHAMP THE STORY LINES SHE DESERVES.

Jemmy aged like 3 years in the 3 month time jump.

Ok, I totally get why Roger hadn’t spoken yet. But once he did, the seal was broken. Not talking after he yelled to stop Jemmy, even a little bit, is just a dick move. Not that he’d be magically better. But he like refuses to even take baby steps.

CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH AN EPISODE WITHOUT A MUSICAL INTERLUDE. I FUCKING HATE THE CLEMENTINE SONG.

GRANNIE CLAIRE AND GRANDA JAMIE ARE MY FAVE.

OMFG AN ARROW. THAT CLEARLY MEANS...YOUNG IANNNNN!!!!!

So glad he’s back. So fucking glad. Yes, it means one more character to dilute how much time we can spend with any given person, but it’s a character that I like so hopefully he takes away from some of the time given to ones I don’t like?

Aaand Roger can’t even bring himself to try to talk to the guy who gave himself up in his place. Fuck Roger.

Claire does a better job at first than Jamie at picking up the vibes Young Ian is putting off, but like, for two people who are supposed to be emotionally intelligence, neither of them do a good job at first of really *seeing* Ian.

John Bell is really good in this episode.

Omfg Marsali has tarot cards. She’s like leaning full on into being the white witch’s apprentice and I fucking love her so much.

Also, the Hanged Man card is representative of self-sacrifice and martyrdom rather than like being actually hanged as a punishment. But whatevs.

Ok I think the reason Jenny yelling at Jamie to snap out of it in S3 bugged me where this scene with Bree yelling at Roger doesn’t is because sibling dynamic is completely different than spouses where both of them have gone through something unimaginable.

That he can’t even say anything here. Or give her any kind of sign that he’s still in there is a dick move. He *can* speak. He knows that now. So does everyone else. He’s actively choosing not to. Even to say that he just needs more time to work through his shit. No one’s asking him to be a chatterbox and totally back to normal.

Young Ian just sitting there while everyone else does grace is literally me at every family holiday.

Oh look, a wild Fergus appeared!

Ok, I never got the surveying thing. Wouldn’t the land already be registered? Since they were given the paperwork and shit for it from the governor? I know there was some bit about it in the book about keeping it after the Revolution but like, who the fuck else are they registering it with that would make a difference? The gov’t is still the English gov’t?

“But there are things you keep hidden from others. You and Claire both.” Ok, can he please be talking about time travel? I mean, I know he’s talking about his wife and their miscarriages, but I just want someone else to know about time travel already please and thank you.

HOW THE FUCK IS MARSALI STILL PREGNANT?! SHE’S BEEN PREGNANT FOR LIKE A FUCKTON OF TIME.

Fuck yeah not-Catholic-anymore-Ian. No grace, talking about the creator in a way that isn’t explicitly the christian god. Good job, kid.

My parents called me to say happy easter and I had to be like, uh, you remember that I don’t celebrate that, right?

Happy Zombie!Jeebus Appreciation Day to all the still christian people. And happy chance to have fun with burner zoom accounts named Elijiah to the jewish folks.

Jokes aside, the scene with Young Ian and Marsali was really nice and Marsali remains a fucking saint. It’s nice that Young Ian has someone who like actually gets what it’s like to find a home in a group of strangers.

Oh Claire, think more highly of your assistant. Also, what a clunky fucking way to be like oh hey, one of the emo!bros is gonna try to off themselves.

Ok but with the paper airplane now too, can we please show Young Ian finding out about time travel? Please?

Ok, but Claire automatically jumping to Roger wanting to off himself with her herbs... It’s making me judge both of them a little that neither picked up on just how clearly Young Ian was suffering. Like come the fuck on, y’all. It wasn’t subtle.

Also, can we please have more Adso?

SOMEONE GIVE YOUNG IAN A HUG! NO, NOT YOU, ROGER! SOMEONE GOOD!

Yada yada yes they both have been through something shitty and call me a biased asshole, but I can’t bring myself to feel anything about Roger and I feel all the things about Young Ian.

So Roger won’t talk when his wife begs, but he’ll talk when someone calls him on his bullshit. Cool. Cool cool cool. Nice dude.

NO ONE WAS ASKING FOR THE OLD ROGER, YOU TWATWAFFLE. THEY WERE ASKING FOR *A* ROGER. INSTEAD OF A ZOMBIE.

Again, there’s more to that tarot card than a literal hanged man, but whatever, show.

Oh thank fuck the episode is finally over. Expectations are back down in the gutter for the rest of the season. Please pleasantly surprise me, show, but I will not make the mistake again of thinking you’re actually gonna be consistently good again.

[thirst-trapnhl]

Never Grew Out of This Feeling 3(charlie mcavoy)

(A/N): hey guys! i say this all the time but sorry for how long this took lol. hope you guys enjoy (if anyone actually still cares ab this series??) and i hope it was at least 25% worth the wait! also unedited because I’m actually DYING to get this up lol (word count: 1936) (warnings: underage drinking, cursing)

song of the chapter: hold my hand - new found glory

“you like you’re ready to go, so hold my hand. I’ll take you everywhere, anywhere, you wanna go.”

Charlie arrives at your front door at exactly 6:00 PM on New Years Eve with Chinese takeout in hand and your dad clears the coffee table in the living room so he can spread all the containers out. Your parents settle into their seats on the couch and you and Charlie take the floor, plates piled high. You all turn your attention to the TV as your dad presses play on The Princess Bride, your traditional New Years movie. Charlie and your dad both laugh at all the same parts they always do, and your mother ends up crying at the same part she always does. You clear the table as the credits roll and head upstairs to get ready for your night out, belly full and heart happy. 9:30 rolls around and Charlie’s migrated to the big chair in the corner, messing around on his phone when you finally walk down the stairs. “Thank god, I’ve only been waiting for an ho- “ he stops short when he finally looks up from the screen. “Holy shit!” He’s on his feet in an instant, eyes glued to your body. You warm at his appreciation for your efforts and give a little shimmy and his eyes light up at the way the sequins on your top shine.

“Whatcha think, Chuck? Good enough to ring in the new year?” You wiggle your eyebrows at him and he laughs before shooting a soft smile at you, the one that’s always made you feel like he’s the only person who really sees you. 

“I’d take you anywhere lookin’ like that!” He reaches his hand out to you and twirls you around once just to see you laugh before grabbing his keys from the table and ordering the Uber. You call out your goodbyes to your parents, in their room getting ready for bed and shrug on a jacket. You follow him out the front door, hands reaching for his sleeve. 

He feels you tangle your fingers in the fabric to shield them from the cold and looks back over his shoulder at you. You meet his eyes and his whole face crinkles as he hides a smile behind his collar, just the way it always has. You huff out a breath and furrow your brow up at him. 

“What’re you smiling about, Alvin?” It’s his turn to pout and yours to laugh, loving the way you can always get a rise out of him by poking fun at his chubby cheeks. His pout quickly turns back into a smile, smaller and softer this time, at the sound of your giggle. The ride to the party is relatively uneventful. It’s easy to zone out staring out the window as Charlie makes casual conversation with the driver. Before you know it, a hand comes to grip your knee through your jeans, Charlie giving your leg a squeeze to bring you back to earth.

“You ready?” He asks and when you nod, he bids the driver good night and comes around your side of the car to help you out. You make your way into one of Charlie’s teammates’ house, and quickly find your way to the cooler. You grab a beer for each of you before snaking your way through the bodies back to Charlie’s side. He beams and wraps an arm around your shoulder before continuing his conversation with the rest of your friends. You settle in easily after that, jumping into the conversation when it turns to the show you’re all currently binging watching. It's no surprise when the party turns into a full-fledged beer pong tournament, complete with a bracket written sloppily on the back of a junk mail flyer. You and Charlie slot into the fifth matchup against the goalies and Charlie spends the first four trying to hype you up.

“Chuck, I really don’t understand why you insist on having me as your partner. You have to carry me every single time!” You’re a little exasperated at his undying positivity towards your beer pong skills. He’s had more to drink than you, as he usually does, but you both know he’ll end up making all his shots while yours bounce off rims. He smiles down easy at you and a piece of hair flops down over his forehead, a little damp with sweat. You hear a cheer behind you and you know the game ended and it's time to face the music. 

“I don’t mind doing all the work, you know that. All you gotta do is stand there and look pretty to distract our opponents. You know the goalies both have a thing for you.” He wiggles his eyebrows, barely holding back a laugh as he drags you towards the table and you work together to reset the rack. 

Despite your best efforts to swing your hips and bat your eyes, the goalie tandem take you and Charlie down swiftly. You make your way back to the kitchen to dig around for more beer and when you turn back around, Charlie’s leaned up against the counter, looking at you. “Sorry I couldn’t help out more, bud.” He opens his arms to you and you cross the small kitchen to him, putting your unopened bottles behind him before wrapping your arms around his torso. You can feel the rumble of his chest as he lets out a heavy sigh. 

“I just don’t understand how you can still be SO bad after all this time.” You look up at him in surprise and he’s trying to hide a shit-eating grin, clearly satisfied with your response. You give him a light smack on the arm before sticking your tongue out at him, making him laugh. You grab your corona off the counter and bang it against the edge, popping the cap off. Charlie looks at you, impressed before taking this and doing the same, but with his teeth. He spits the cap into his hand as he laughs at your shriek of disgust. You smack him again, this firmer and on the chest. 

“Don’t fucking do that, you yutz! It skeeves me out and you’re going to ruin your teeth and then those braces your parents paid for will be useless!” He’s almost doubled over in laughter now and you can’t help but stomp your feet when you take a step back from him. He manages to pull himself together enough to stand up straight and wipe the tears from under his eyes. You shake your head at him but there’s no real force behind it anymore, all your annoyance flushed away by how absolutely delighted Charlie is by your reaction. 

“God, there’s nothing more satisfying then winding you up.”  

——

The party continues on into the early hours of the morning, only interrupted by everyone gathering in the living room to watch the ball drop. Charlie’s huddled in close behind you as you stand pressed against the back of the couch. Brett, the more outgoing half of your goalie admirers, turns to you just before the countdown reaches twenty. “Hey, (Y/N), you gonna be my New Years kiss this year?” He’s half joking, but you can feel Charlie tense behind you as he wraps an arm around your stomach. 

You let out a laugh and before you can even answer, Charlie shoots him a “Not a chance in hell, Breezy,” and Brett laughs. The countdown’s at 10 seconds now and, as you do every year, you turn to face Charlie. The countdown reaches 1 and the room erupts in shouts of “happy new year” and  unintelligible cheers. Charlie, as he does every year, lifts you up into a hug and places a kiss on your cheek before tucking his face into your neck, mumbling a “happy new year, bub.” 

You let your hand slide to rest against his jaw and he pulls back to look at you. “Happy New Year, Chuckie.”  You unwrap your legs from his torso, expecting him to let you slide to the floor like he always does, but he holds you face to face with him for a couple seconds longer. You can feel confusion spread across your face when Charlie’s eyes flick down to your lips. You can see the gears turning in his head for a moment before he puts your feet on the ground, kissing the top of your head gently. You decide to let the moment pass, turning to greet the rest of your friends. 

-- -- 

It’s close to 4:30 AM when you and Charlie stumble out of the party, ready to make your way home. The silence between you isn’t uncomfortable, but you can tell he’s waiting for you to speak first. You’re about halfway home, passing the schoolyard, when you stop walking. It takes Charlie a couple of steps to realize you’re no longer next to him. He turns back to you and the beer in your veins makes you unable to collect your thoughts properly. Instead, you just blurt out “Were you gonna kiss me before?” 

Your hands are stuffed in your jacket pockets, as are his, and the words leave your mouth with a puff of breath vapor. He doesn’t hesitate in his answer. “Yeah.” You both take a moment to digest the weight of the situation. You may be drunk, but you know that you’ve reached a fork in the road. All it takes is one look at Charlie to know what you want from the conversation, but the thought that maybe you’re not on the same page is the scariest, biggest monster you’ve ever had to face. 

“Why didn’t you?” Your voice is smaller than you intended as your eyes dart from your shoes scuffling on the sidewalk back to Charlie. You can tell he’s trying to pick his words carefully, and you’re sure that the person you love the most in this world is about to break your heart. You swallow the lump in your throat, ready to pretend tomorrow that you were too drunk to remember this conversation. 

“Didn’t wanna do it if you weren’t ready for it.” The words don’t sting like the ones you expected to hear and you force yourself to look Charlie in the eyes when he continues. “Don’t wanna send you running off. It’s not the right time yet.” A few hot tears leak from your eyes as relief floods your body, and you swear you feel your soul settle. You step to meet Charlie, sliding your hand into his pocket to wrap around his. 

As you tug him along down the street, you look up at him with a teasing smile. “I don’t know how many times I gotta tell you, Charles. You’re not getting rid me that easy.” He smiles down at you and you round the corner, walking along the fence next to the very same playground where Charlie first watched you launch yourself off the swing. The very same slide you climb on top of to smoke and watch the stars. Your eyes can’t help but flick to it, red and plastic and smaller than your childhood memories let you believe. You think about pushing Charlie up against the fence right there and kissing him until the sun comes up, but the rest of the semester and the uncertainty of Charlie’s near future is enough to keep you walking, tucked into his side. “You gonna tell me when it’s time?” You ask, already knowing the answers. Charlie’s always been right when it comes to you, fourteen years in, and you’d follow his lead anywhere. 

“Yup, and not a single second after.”

[hvlfwygod]

hera disapproves | patrick & tai

date: february 2014

summary: tai and patrick wrestle

trigger warning: homophobia

"It's bloody freezing in here." Tai hugged the bottle of fireball to his chest as though the warmth of the alcohol would somehow seep through and help him out. The fire was lit in the brazier at Hera's feet, but to get closer they would have to sit directly underneath her stony glare and Tai would rather be cold and behind the statue than comfortable in front of it. He rubbed his arms and grinned at Patrick, taking a swig then offering the bottle out towards him. "Just means we gotta drink faster. Warm up from the inside."

Patrick scoffed, swiping the bottle from Tai when it was held out to him. "Not worried that the queen of Olympus is gonna smite us?" he asked. He tipped the bottle back and took a few big gulps. He eyed the statue and smirked up at it, like challenging Hera to come after him. "Imagine she's just up there right now watching us like, 'what the fuck are these assholes doing?' Hah." He held the bottle back out.

Tai cast a nervous glance up towards the statue, scooting a couple inches further away from it. “D’you think she is?” He cleared his throat and grabbed the bottle back. “Who cares, we’re not doing anything wrong.”

It wasn't worth pointing out that they were drinking underage; Pat didn't want Tai to chicken out and make them leave. "Yeah," he agreed, shrugging. "Whatever. I doubt she actually gives a shit about any of us anyway. Probably doesn't even know we exist."

Tai relaxed with the reassurance and took another swig. He leaned his elbows on his knees and considered the columns spread around the empty cabin. “Bloody oath, it better stay that way.” His brow creased. “Why’s she got no kids?”

He held his hand out for the bottle again. "Isn't it because she's like some bitter scorned wife or something?" Pat snorted. "Zeus is out here fucking everyone under the fucking sun and she's like, at home and pissed about it."

Tai passed it back to Patrick, eyeing up the statue of Hera as Pat spoke. It didn't come to life to turn around and glare at them or anything, so he felt safe enough to laugh. "She's gotta be bored shitless." He had already been tipsy by the time they had stumbled into the cabin, but only as of the last few sips of fireball was he starting to warm up. He grinned at Patrick. "What do gods do for fun other than fuck around?"

"I dunno," Pat mumbled. He was more drunk than Tai, he thought, but he took another large gulp of Fireball. "Mess with mortals? They just like pick out random humans around the world and like, ruin their lives." He shook his head. "Fuck, man, if I was immortal, I'd just fuck everyone."

Tai laughed again and leant back on his hands after grabbing the bottle back. He took a long swig and put it on the ground beside him. “They... do,” he answered after a few seconds. He couldn’t remember how long ago his last sip was so he picked the bottle back up. “Most of ‘em. Not my mom I guess, but your dad fucks. You got heaps of sibs.”

Pat laughed, but he was making a face as he did. "Ugh, fuck, don't remind me. My cabin is fuckin' crowded, man." He laid back on the floor and the cold crept into his back. "And they keep inviting people over! I think I'm the only person who gives a shit in there about fuckin' privacy."

"Like me?" Tai asked with a grin, pressing the bottle to his chest. "I was invited over. But yeah, gotta be rough." He examined the label without reading it, smiling fading slightly. "The no privacy thing, with relationships goin' on around."

"Yeah but, you're," Pat waved his hand. "Whatever. You stay over too late but you're cool. It's not like all the fuckin'... people who overstay their welcome way more. If I have to watch anyone else make out when I walk in the door, I'm gonna lose my mind."

Tai figured they were talking about the same thing, considering they had both left the Morpheus cabin tonight to come here. "They're so weird," he complained, taking another swig from the bottle as he pictured Abel in his mind, staring at him. "Freaky as hell."

"So freaky," Pat agreed. "Like, ugh, I don't care what you do but why do you have to shove it in everyone's face?" He sat up and held out his hand for the bottle.

It was a confusing choice of words, but with a bit of effort and another swig, Tai understood how it could apply. "They could tone it down," he agreed as he passed the bottle back to Patrick. "Bloody feels like they're trying to creep me out sometimes."

He nodded while he pressed the bottle back to his lips. "Ugh, yeah" Pat said once he lowered the drink again. "They totally fucking are, why else would they keep doing this shit that is clearly skeeving people out?"

Tai turned his back to the statue of Hera and scooted closer to Patrick. His whole body was warm now and when he turned his head too fast, checking over his shoulder just to make sure the statue hadn't moved, parts of his head swum– but it wasn't bad, Patrick was still drinking, and the bottle wasn't empty, so he held his hand out to take it back. "Skeeving people out," Tai repeated in agreement. It was a near-perfect description for how Abel made him feel. "I dunno. To get us to leave?"

Pat snorted. "Ugh, you're probably right. Does that mean we're letting them win?" He laughed, taking another swig before handing the bottle back. "Should we go back?"

Tai made a face and shook his head. "Whoa." He took a second to steady himself, then grabbed the bottle back, holding it up to see how much was left. "We drank heaps. Did you wanna go back?"

"No way," Pat said, shaking his head. The whole room tilted sideways. "Fuck. No, I don't wanna go back." He put his hand on Tai's shoulder and pushed him, very slowly and lightly. "Can you stand up, anyway?"

Tai slowly leaned in the directly Patrick pushed him. "If I tried, I bet."

He snickered, still pushing him. "Try it."

Tai turned to shove him back, but he missed with one arm and only weakly pushed Patrick's shoulder. "Yeah, okay." He slowly put his hands on the ground to start getting to his feet.

Patrick laughed, still leaning into him to make it harder for him to stand. "That was so pathetic, dude."

"Hey!" Tai tried to push Patrick's hands away, laughing. "You're messing with my balance!"

"Fucking duh, man! Fight me off." He laughed as Tai batted his hand away, but he grabbed at him again. Patrick's hand closed around Tai's wrist and he pulled it toward him, leaning backward toward the floor. He never did this kind of thing, but the alcohol and, honestly, Tai's company made it easy for him to loosen up for once.

Tai followed Patrick easily when he pulled him and shoved one of his shoulders to push him back more, connecting this time. "Drag me here to beat me up?" he laughed, twisting his wrist to try and escape Patrick's grip.

"Maybe," Pat said, chuckling and tightening his grip. The shove had pushed him almost all the way back to the floor but he used Tai's resistance as leverage to pull himself back to sitting. "Do you think I could? I've been training a bunch these days."

Tai grinned at him, looking him over slowly. “Nah, I could beat you.” He tried to push him down again but his balance was skewed from the alcohol, and it wasn’t a strong shove. “Good on ya,” he added as an afterthought.

"What, good on me for training, or looking good?" Patrick laughed and let go of Tai's wrist just to shove him. "Try to beat me."

“Both?” Tai leaned back when Patrick shoved him, then laughed and twisted, trying to slam into him with his shoulder. “S’why you got me drunk?”

Tai's shoulder landed on his chest and Pat coughed out another laugh. "I don't need to get you drunk to beat your ass." He grabbed Tai's shoulders again and pushed, getting him on his back.

Tai tipped easily, forgetting he was supposed to be fighting back. He grinned up at Patrick, momentarily distracted, then tried to roll them to the side.

Pat grinned back and grabbed Tai's hands as they pushed against him, struggling to pin them to the floor.

Tai laughed again and tried to twist out of it but between the alcohol and how content he was to lie down, Patrick got him. "Bastard. I let you win."

Pat's smile was open-mouthed, his tongue rolling over his lower lip. "Yeah, yeah, tell yourself that."

"Rematch when sober." Tai's attention drifted down to Patrick's mouth and stopped there. When he spoke again, his voice was lower. "Gonna let me up?"

He tilted his head into one shoulder to indicate a shrug. "Make me."

Tai smiled with half his mouth, heart thrumming in his chest, and lunged up to try and throw Patrick off balance.

The force surprised him and Patrick's leg slipped. He fell a bit to the side and laughed. "Fuck!" He tried to wrestle Tai back down but he lost his advantage, so instead he tried to pull Tai toward him to throw off his momentum.

Instead of resisting Patrick's pull, Tai continued his momentum forward with it to wrestle Patrick onto his back instead. "Okay," he teased, straddling him to keep his legs down. "Easy does it."

Patrick twisted his body to try to get out from underneath Tai, growling a bit as he got pinned back down. "Fuck you," he breathed out, smirking up at Tai. "Fine, fuck, you got me," Pat muttered, picking his head up to get into Tai's face.

Tai smirked back. “Yeah.” His train of thought derailed as Patrick leaned up towards him, their faces closer than ever, and without even thinking about it he leaned in and kissed him.

He wasn't expecting the kiss, but automatically Pat's lips parted and his tongue slid up against Tai's teeth. His body went rigid, shock making him cold. Still, he grunted as he pushed himself closer, trying to roll Tai back over so he'd be above him.

Tai grabbed the front of Pat’s shirt to yank him closer, but the one-handed balance on the floor made it easy to push him over. His back hit the floor, but he just grasped at Patrick with his other hand to pull him back down.

Patrick slipped his hand behind Tai's head while they kissed, tangling his fingers into his hair. He pulled his head close to press their lips together.

This was not how Tai had expected the night to end up when they had left the Morpheus cabin together, but he would be lying to say it wasn’t what he had hoped for. He leaned into the kiss eagerly, cupping Patrick’s jaw with one hand as he pulled his lower lip between his teeth and kept him close with the grip on his shirt.

Pat suddenly pulled Tai's head back by his hair and broke the kiss. He eyed Tai suspiciously, his breathing heavy, lips slightly parted. "Did you plan this?" he asked, then crushed their faces together again before getting his answer. He sat up, taking Tai with him.

Tai inhaled sharply when Pat yanked his head back, but didn’t get a chance to reply until he was pulled up. Breaking the kiss at that point he slid his hands around to Pat’s back under the hem of his shirt, pressing his fingers into his skin. “Fuck, no,” he replied, kissing him again then leaning away once more. “Just went for it. The chance.”

Pat shivered when he felt fingers pressing into his back. He kept one hand gripped into Tai’s hair, staring at his face. “The chance?”

“To kiss you?” Tai scanned his face to try and figure out how he was feeling, but his eyes fell back to Pat’s lips soon enough. “‘Cause I think you’re cool? And uh, hot?” He swallowed.

As soon as the words left Tai's mouth, Pat frowned. He tilted his head back a little, then he leaned in to roughly kiss Tai again. But his stomach twisted, now, and he pulled away once again. "How long have you wanted to?"

Tai's eyebrows scrunched together as he stared at Patrick, confused by the push and pull as well as the questions. "I dunno? When your face was real close?"

He paused again, then yanked Tai back by his hair until their bodies were not so close. "Did you get me drunk just to fuckin' do this?" Pat demanded, releasing his grip and pulling his hand back.

Tai yelped as he was pulled backwards and caught himself on his hands. He blinked, trying to figure out what was going on, and shook his head. "Huh?"

"Fuck, dude." Pat wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and moved backwards away from Tai. "You're fuckin' gross."

“I don’t...” Tai shook his head, leaning forward towards him but not moving otherwise. “What are you...?”

When Tai leaned forward, Pat moved back even more and stood. The alcohol made his head swim and he was unsteady on his feet, but he wanted to stand over Tai. "I thought we were friends, not that you were trying to get in my fucking pants this whole fucking time."

Tai tilted his head back to look up at Pat, the pieces slowly coming together. He frowned, his heart sinking in his chest. “Nah, dude, we are friends! I wasn’t.... I wasn’t.”

He felt his rage spike with Tai's denial. Pat's face twisted into a dark scowl. "Fuck you." A thought occurred to him, and he closed his hands into fists. "Why are you so pissed off about Cas and Abel, then, if you're so into this shit? Are you fucking jealous?"

Tai scrambled to his feet to stand as well when he saw Pat’s fists clench. His face flushed as his confusion melted into embarrassment. “No. No.”

Pat laughed meanly, shaking his head. "You are! And because you can't get laid you try to turn me gay? God, you're fucking weird, dude, you're super fucked up."

Tai felt sick. “No, that’s not...” He clenched his jaw and shook his head, wishing he’d had less to drink as the room swayed again. “You kissed me too.”

The words made Pat bristle. He stepped forward and shoved Tai. "Fuck you, you gave me a bunch of alcohol and pinned me down and kissed me and I was caught off guard. Who's gonna look like a fucking freak if I tell someone?"

Tai stumbled then shoved him back, trying to remember how it had actually happened. “You were.... you were on top of me when I kissed you, that’s not how it went. And you pulled me in. And we split that bottle!”

Pat smacked Tai's hands away and resisted the urge to hit him. "Fuck you, don't fucking touch me, don't talk to me, don't come near me again, you fucking creep."

Tai took a few steps back and held his hands up, scowling back at him. “Fuck you, what’s wrong with you?”

He was already heading toward the door, but Pat stopped and spun back around. "Should I tell my brother what you did tonight?" he spat. "How much shit you've talked about him to me all the time?"

“What?” Tai turned, confusion taking him again and mixing with his hurt and anger. “I’ve never said something bad about him!”

The urge to hit Tai came back once again, and Pat shoved him and stepped back to avoid being shoved in return. "Fuck off and stop talking to me or I'll give you something worse to deal with than nightmares."

Tai only took one step back this time and didn’t try to return the shove. “Don’t threaten me,” he replied incredulously. “I’m not scared of you.”

Pat sneered at Tai and grabbed him by the collar, raising his fist as if to hit him.

Tai pushed his hand away and took a couple steps back. He wasn’t afraid of Patrick, but he didn’t want to fight him, and he knew if he got hit he was going to hit right back. He crossed his arms, still frowning deeply.

Once Tai backed away, Pat laughed again. "Okay, sure. Fuck off and die, creep." He turned on his heel and walked out of the cabin.

Tai stood watching the door even after Patrick had left as his anger dulled and his head spun. Eventually, he turned around and grabbed the empty bottle from the ground before heading for the door, trying to figure out all the while what had happened and why.

[edwardnashtons]

Hello! Can I babble about the van dahls/the bit with the sister and Oswald? I wasnt sure if the show meant for us to think her seduction attempts were funny? I always thought it was creepy--when I saw him being pinned down I freaked (being a disabled person myself I would definitely NOT be able to get out of that smoothly, if at all so that's where my brain went) Oswald's a murderous sociopath who resorts to cannibalism so I know its silly/overly sensitive but it rubbed me the wrong way! :/

I think Gotham plays a lot of things strangely for me. That scene was played as humorous but Oswald was in a very vulnerable state and was not himself so it came off as super predatory to me and I was really skeeved. He’s not the murderous cannibal at that moment, he’s someone who’s been through extreme psychological trauma and torture, and has just found this family he barely knows. He’s not really stable is his position yet and the power dynamic there is really gross.

Also, while Oswald is disabled, it has never prevented him from doing anything he needs to do, so that wasn’t a concern of mine. I was sure he could get away physically, but then again I’m not as badly disabled as him and so I don’t relate on that level. I just know that it’s never impacted him when he needed to perform physical feats in the past. I was more concerned about his emotional vulnerability. I mean for all intents and purposes this is his sister, and who is he going to tell? It’s so creepy. I just… bleh. I get shivers.

Another scene that was super dissonant for me was the Ed/Isabella scene. It was played as romantic, but he’s literally being plagued by hallucinations of his dead girlfriend, is extremely frightened of hurting her… just in an all around super vulnerable position psychologically and emotionally, and what does she do? Dress up as his dead girlfriend, physically stop him from trying to leave by putting her hands on him and dragging him back into the room, slap him, and put his hands on her throat. Literally making him relive the worst moment of his life with no warning and no actually capability to deal with him if something goes wrong and he dissociates or breaks down. She’s a librarian, not a therapist. Coming from anyone who is not a professional in exposure therapy, working with the consent of the client, this kind of behavior is blatant emotional manipulation, is ABUSIVE, and is FUCKED UP.

So yeah, Gotham has played some pretty fucked up things for laughs or as something else they aren’t. That’s the nature of media though, it’s hit or miss. Some people saw Oswald’s situation as funny, others saw Ed’s encounter as romantic. It’s our interpretation, which stems from perceptions that are shaped by our personal experiences. It’s an interesting phenomenon, but it does alert us to how harmful some things could be when others don’t see it that way at all.

For example, if we swap the genders in both scenes, they become utterly horrifying. I doubt that anyone would be unable to see how scary that situation would be. But because they’re men, we don’t really view the interaction as being as serious. Which is a whole nother problem in addition to the concern regarding media reinforcement of sexually predatory behaviors… Anyways, I got a lot of thoughts on this lmao. Perception is a cool thing to think about, but it’s also more frighting the deeper you start to think about things.

This turned into an essay!!! I’m so sorry. Guess who ended up babbling….

[whenimgoodandready]

*SVTFOE SEASON 2 Bloopers

My New Wand!

-Glossaryck:”Imagine the universe as this big old cauldron, and magic is the bubbly stew inside, and your wand is the spoon”

Star:”My wand isn’t a spoon, it’s a wand”

Glossaryck:”It’s a metaphor, Star”

Star:”No, it’s a wand”

(Glossaryck gives her an unamused look)

Glossaryck:”YOU’RE A WAND!”

(They stare at each other until someone on set starts laughing and then they laugh)

Ludo in the Wild

-(Ludo is eating chunks from what the spider ate, we see in the background Wander riding Sylvia as he’s reading a map)

Wander:”Okay, so we take a turn by that snowy mountain (Ludo stops eating and overhears an unfamiliar voice as he turns around) and then we go-” (Wander stops talking as he and Sylvia turn to see Ludo. They both awkwardly stare at each other)

Sylvia:(to Wander) “I told you we were lost!”

Mr.Candle Cares

-(Tom and Marco are playing ping pong, Tom hits the ball so high over Marcos head, a stage light falls hanging with a guy holding on for it as he screams, the camera goes shaky as Marco runs over to help)

Red Belt

-(in Marcos dream, when the locker opens, instead of Marco in a suit, it’s Ms.Skullnick and she says “Ta-da!” with jazz hands)

-(When everyone is flying away with balloons, Alfonzo and Ferguson’s balloon pops and they go crashing down as some people are horrified while others laugh while flying away)

Star on Wheels

-(When Marco and Oskar are chasing after Star on her runaway bike, the projector screen of the streets background falls revealing the stage crew and other characters getting ready (ex.Toffee holding a coffee mug while reading a script) they all look toward where the background fell)

Starstruck

-(Mina is having trouble with the bag over her head as the director tries to give her directions)

Daron:”Over to the left!”

(Mina bumps into a tree)

Daron:”No! The other left!”

Mina:”Damn it! Daron!”

By the Book

-Ludo:(to the wand) “Tell me your secrets” (he listens to the wand and he hears these:) “New episode of “The Big Bang Theory” this Thursday, never eat a peanut butter and banana sandwich with Sprite, Bebe is going out of Business! What!?”

(Everyone on set starts laughing as Ludo looks confused)

Ludo:”What!?” Isn’t that what it was supposed to say?”

(Everyone continues to laugh)

Sleepover

-Truth Box:”What.......is..........the square root of nine?”

(Everyone looks confused, but Marco)

Star:”Um, Pony Head, I think this is a math quiz box?”

Pony Head:”Oops, my bad! Sorry Daron I-”

Marco:”THE SQUARE ROOT OF NINE IS THREE!”

(Everyone looks at Marco on why he took it so seriously)

Friendenemies

-(When Tom and Marco are singing that Love Sentence song, Marco forgets the words and starts singing the chorus to Jojo’s song “Too Little Too Late” and Tom looks over at the director as Marco is singing and says laughing, “Daron?”)

Is Mystery

-(When Buff Frog is handcuffed to the grinder with that Bat Monster next to him, the Bat Monster keeps cracking up every time he has to reply “It goes in the hole” cuz it’s too funny to say “hole” and after a few takes, Buff Frog:”Where does all the corn go?” The Bat Monster hesitates and screams, “IT GOES IN THE F***ING A**HOLE!” And he and Buff Frog and everyone on set bursts into laughter)

Into the Wand

-(When Star is in the “grandma room” she reads Eclipsa’s tapestry plate, but her tapestry is the poster for “The Minions Movie!” Star gives a sly smile that says, “Very funny guys” to the crew on set as they laugh)

Bon Bon the Birthday Clown

-(Marco is descending down the stairs all dressed up, he trips as Jackie and Star go to help him up and Marco laughs saying, “Didn’t this happen in “She’s All That”!)

Raid the Cave

-(Star is stuck on her back from the large heavy backpack wiggling around and then pauses)

Star:”Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” (Star starts laughing as Marco starts laughing too as well as the staff. Star laughs as she presses her spider necklace like a “Life Alert” button)

-Star:(to Buff Frog) “I thought your babies were sending us fanart” (she flips through the drawings and then comes across a black and white photograph off Buff Frog posing sophisticatedly in a black turtleneck with his autograph on it)

Star:(shows Buff Frog the photo while trying to hold her laugh) “WTF is this!?”

(Buff Frog looks embarrassed as he goes over to Star)

Buff Frog:”Gimme that!” (he chases after Star as she runs around the set laughing while Marco looks both confused and amused)

-(Star is looking at the All-Seeing Eye spell and comes across Janna doing mischievous stuff)

Star:(gasps) “Janna you scoundrel!”

(Star moves over the All-Seeing Eye and instead of seeing Principal Skeeves, it’s the trailer for “Fifty Shades Darker”)

(Star gasps in amazement)

(trailer shows the shower scene)

Star:”OOOOOOOH”

(trailer shows the masquerade scene)

Star:’”AWWWWWWWWWE”

(trailer shows the ex-girlfriend about to shoot)

Star:”OMG!”

(Marco is peaking through the door)

Marco:”Star?”

(Star shrieks and jumps waving her hands around in a quick motion and then tries to block the trailer)

(Marco laughs)

Trickstar

-(Sensei does his bicycle stunt, but the stuntman who was doing it crashes. Everyone on set goes to check on him as some are laughing while others are concerned and the camera falls)

Baby

-King River:(about Glossaryck) “So? He’s gone. Good riddance, I say. Little s*** always creeped me out”

(staff laughs as River smiles and bows his head in shame)

(Take 2) King River:”So? He’s gone. Good riddance, I say. Little guy always f***ed with me”

(staff laughs again as River just sits and smiles)

King River:”I know! I know!”

(Take 3) King River:”So? He’s gone. Good riddance, I say. Little s*** got (cracks up) WHAT WAS COMING TO HIM!”

(staff laughs once again as River covers his head on the table laughing. Raises his head to the director)

King River:”I’m not sorry!” (covers his head again)

-Baby:(to Star) ”Bring me that apple”

(a red apple appears. Suddenly, the Old Hag from “Snow White” comes in cackling, takes the apple and leaves. Star and Baby are stunned silent then someone off set laughs)

Running with Scissors

-(Marco climbs up the cliff to blow out Hekapoos flame. It blows out, but re-lites itself. Marco is confused. He blows it out again and again and it re-lites itself again)

Marco:”Huh?”

(Hekapoo smugs as Marco repeatedly tries to blow out the flame only for it to re-lite itself again as the staff snickers)

Marco:’Damn it, Hekapoo!”

(Hekapoo laughs)

Mathmagic

-Janna:(whispers) “Hey Star! Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Star:(boredly) “IIIIIIIIIII don’t knooooooooow?”

Janna:”Cuz she didn’t give a “cluck!”

(Take 2) Janna:”Cuz she cried “fowl!”

(Take 3) Janna:”Cuz she was suicidal!”

(Take 4) Janna:”To finish this damn scene”

(Take 5) (Janna just pauses on her sly look then looks confused. She turns to someone off set) “Line”

(someone off set laughs)

-Star:(raises her hand and waves it around frantically) “Ms.Skullnick! I’d like to solve the puzzle!” (stops and realizes what she said as Janna buries her head in laughter)

-(Star is writing something on the board. She turns around and reveals the answer for “C”...........2+2=fish. Star gins and someone off set laughs as well as the staff)

The Bounce Lounge

-(Star and her friends are dancing and then she begins to twerk which Pony Head stops and is surprised to see, but then laughs as the staff does)

Crystal Clear

-(Rhombulus and Star are having tea)

Rhombulus:(to Star) “So the audition went well, but they said they’d give me a call if they’re interested, but that was weeks ago and.....well...I-I don’t. Think. They’re interested and-(looks around) Oh wait, are we rolling?”

(someone off set laughs as Rhombulus looks embarrassed and Star covers her mouth to not laugh) 

The Hard Way

-Glossaryck:(to Ludo about the narwhal blast) “Star came up with that from her imagination”

Ludo:”What’an (does the Spongebob rainbow hand a sparkly rainbow appears) imagination?”(Ludo is bewildered at what he did as is Glossayck with them starring at the rainbow)

Ludo:”Uhhhhhhhhhhh (darts his eyes at Glossaryck) I didn’t do this”

-Glossaryck:(to Ludo) “Bring me that apple”

(makes a pickle appear)

Ludo:”Glossayck, that’s a pickle”

Glossaryck:(deadpanly) “Yes”

(Daron, the director, from off set) “It needs to be an apple”

(a pudding cup magically appears)

Ludo:”No”

(polka dot boxers magically appear)

Ludo:”No”

(Ludo himself magically appears)

Ludo:”No!”

(a GREEN apple magically appears)

(Daron, from off set again) “It needs to be RED!”

Glossaryck:”Well f***! (gestures to it) It’s an apple isn’t it!?”

Ludo:”Where’s the prop guy!?”

(Take 2) Glossaryck:”Bring me that apple”

(makes a red apple appear. The Old Hag comes in cackling again to steal the apple)

Glossaryck:”NO!”

(The Old Hag stops as Glossaryck flies away to get a broom and starts chasing the Old Hag around hitting her with it while Ludo watches the whole thing)

Glossaryck:”This is our apple! Get! Get! Get!”

(he chases her off set as Ludo just stands there)

-(Ludo becomes possessed)

Ludo:(the voice of the lady from the cell phone Moto commercial is heard) “Hello, Moto”

(Glossaryck just stares deadpanly, but then tries to hold back his laugh. He buries his head down and stays quiet.......then bursts out laughing along with the staff)

-Ludo:”Time to give it up old man”

Director:’Cut!” Ludo, you were a little late on the queue”

Ludo:”Darn! I was so close! Lip-syncing is hard!”

Toffee:”Tell me about it”

Heinous

-Marco:(to Star)”Now are you convinced that parking meters aren’t filled with candy?”

Star:”I thought it was a pinata!” (tries to hold back her laugh. Marco tries to do the same)

-Ms.Heinous:(holding Rasticores arm)”He’s my dear, sweet Rasticore. This is just his arm, but he’s part lizard. so his whole body will grow back soon. And then he’ll be a big boy-” (stops and pauses) “Okay, (turns to someone off set) “do I really have to kiss this thing?” (points to the arm as she listens to the person) “Cuz you know it’s dusty right?” (the person off set snickers as Heinous makes a crooked smile) “Shut up!”

-(Star is playing with two Princess Marco dolls and makes them kiss with kissing noises. Looks up to the people off set) “I don’t exclude” (sheepishly grins)

-(”Princess Marco” is writing something in the back of the sign. He turns it over with a smug look. It reads, “Help! I’m being forced to do a kids show” someone off set laughs)

-(”Princess Marco” is doing the apolgoy video)

“Princess Marco”:(seductively looks at the camera) “Looking for a good time? Call Princess Marco to give you the “royal treatment” (winks. The staff laughs)

(Take 2)”Princess Marco”: ”Anyway, last time I was at St.Olga’s school, I said and did some stuff that I shouldn’t have. And that was....bad. And, uh, I just wanted to say, um.....I WILL EAT ANY LEFT OVERS YOU LEAVE ON YOUR PLATE! (grins)

(the staff laughs)

(Take 3)”Princess Marco”:(sarcastically) “As princesses, we should never drink-”(tries to hold back his laugh and buries his head. The staff snickers. Marco lifts up his head and laughs quietly)

All Belts Are Off

-(Marco is about to break three boards)

Marco:”Hi-ya-” (the boards don’t break and he hurts his foot. He hops around holding his foot) “Ow ow ow ow! SPLINTER!”

-Marco:”I’m hiding in the bushes and recording all of Jeremy’s bad behavior”

Star:”Oh, so you’re like a....like a...-”

(Star slides off the tree she’s holding onto and falls) “Whoa!”

(Take 2) (Star falls off again) “OOF!”

(Take 3) Star:”Oh, so you’re like a...like a...”(slides off again) “Ah!” (abruptly gets up looking pissed at the staff and points at the tree)

Star:(sternly)”Who greased this f***ing tree!?”

(the staff snickers and laughs)

-(Jeremy is demonstrating his karate kicks and falls over) “Whoa, whoa!”

(he laughs as he’s on the ground. Marco goes over laughing and helps him up)

Jeremy:”Thanks man”

(Marco leaves waving a dismissive hand at Jeremy while holding his stomach form laughing)

-Grand Master: ”Yes! Ha-ha! Y-Uh, yes. Yes, indeed, hi-ya indeed, yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. Uh, wonderful. (knocks over one of the candle sticks and it starts setting the floor on fire) “Ah!” (runs around screaming) “FIRE!”

(Everyone panics and Marco grabs a fire extinguisher to put out the flames. As he’s doing that, we hear Daron, the director)

Daron:”Okay, let’s just get a nonflammable candle” (sighs) 

Collateral Damage

-(Star is doing trash pickup and levitating stuff)

Star:(to Janna) ”How am I supposed to know where to go or who I am if I don’t have a-”

(the magic wand malfunctions and flickers as it starts waving around)

Star:”Whoa!” (Star grabs onto the wand as it starts lifting other things such as the actors, props and the camera crew)

Star:”WTF!?” (Sees that it’s levitating the whole set, all the actors, props and looks up a it suddenly lifts up the entire Stage Building having the bottom fragments fall on her as she’s now outside alone)

Star:(looks at the wand confused) “Is this thing really magic?”

-(Star darts her eyes at the window with the palm trees swaying in the wind as Principal Skeeves talks to Star)

Principal Skeeves:”Winters here are quite har-”

(He’s interrupted by a guy who was handling the ceiling stage lights falling from the outside window background and faintly screaming and we hear a crash)

Star:”Oh my gosh!”

(runs over to the window and Principal Skeeves looks out too. They are followed by Marco, Janna and some actors as the guys moaning in pain)

Guy:”I’m okay”

Star:(turns her head and yells to the director, Daron) “He’s okay!”

-School Girl:(about the statue)”Where’s the kissing a**!?” (realizes her mistake) “Oh f***!”

(The actors behind her cover their mouths and as she buries her head in the possums rear. Jerks her head out)

“Ew”

(The actors uncover their mouths and laugh)

-(Star is holding the speaker in Principal Skeeves office)

Star:(with a bored smiley face speaks into the mike) “Bueller.......Ferris Bueller?”

(Someone off set laughs)

Just Friends

-(Star and Marco are lip syncing to Just Friends with their electronic singing Love Sentence toothbrushes. Suddenly, Stars toothbrush slips from her hand hits Marcos head)

Marco:”Ow” (rubs his temples)

Star:”Sorry”

-Star:(to the ducks) “This place is great! I used to live here”

Jackie:”Me, too. Wait, what?”

Star:(walks over and points to her left) “Yeah, for, like, a day. But you guys will make friends so quick! There’s the lady that steals hair who lives over there”

Jackie:(laughs) “Really?”

Star:”Yeah!” (points around) “And there’s our director, Daron” (we hear Daron laugh) “And there’s Brain H. Kim the music producer” (staff starts to laugh) “And over there’s Toffee flirting with Hekapoo”

(camera swiftly pans over to a make-up chair. We see Hekapoo sitting while some ones powdering her cheek and she’s smiling up at Toffee with him holding a coffee cup in one hand and leaning the other arm on the vanity mirror looking flirtatiously at Hekapoo)

Toffee:”So yeah, I won a Golden Globe for my role in “Dexter”, it’s not an Oscar, but hey! it’s gold!”

Hekapoo:”Hmmmm” (leans in close) “That’s nice” (both stop and realize they’’re on camera. Janna walks by swaying her arms with a smug look on her face)

Janna:(singing) “Bom chicka wah wah, chicka wah wah, Bom chicka wah wah”

(Toffee glares and covers the camera)

-Star:(getting wet from the sprinkles of sweat) “Oh, don’t be silly! I just wanted to be down here by the stage so I could feel their sweat spraying on my face!”(gets splashed with a bunch of water and then a bucket falls off the stage as a guy looks down and gets embarrassed while quickly getting the bucket and leaves)

Justin Towers:(leans down from the stage to talk to Star) “You need a towel?”

Star:(smiles embarrassingly) “No s***!” (the staff laughs)

Face the Music

-Moon:”I’m here because your son took a very important book form my family”

Avarius:”My son? Which one? Crudo?”

Moon:”Eh no”

Avarius:”Not Yudo!”

Moon:”Mm-mmm”

Avarius:”Menudo?”

Moon:”Uh, no”

Avarius:”Ugh, Okay, I’m just gonna go down the list. Dudo, Kudo.....Marsha, Jan, Cindy, Greg-”

Brudo:”Honey! That’s the Brady Kids!”

Avarius:”Fur Foot, Beauty Stem, Elf Cup, Shaggy Mane, Puff Ball-”

Brudo:”That’s the Toad Patrol!”

Avarius:(face cracks a smile) “Red, Blue, Green-”

Brudo:”THOSE ARE COLORS!” (falls back on his chair laughing as Avarius tries to hold in her laugh along with Moon. The staff laughs)

Avarius:(to some one off set) “I forgot my lines! Just....so many damn kids! Ha ha ha”

-Ruberiot:(playing his lute and singing) “Where is Princess Star?” (pauses. Darts his eyes around then continues) “Where the f*** is Star?” (hangs his head down snickering as does Marco. The staff laughs. Ruberiot and Marco can’t contain themselves and burst laughing about)

Starcrushed

-(Pony Head is at a dinner table with a prince)

Pony Head:”So they were like originally gonna have me with a f***ing bleeding head and I was like, wtf!? So thank God Daron changed her mind and-(looks at the camera) “Oh wait are we rolling?”

(staff laughs)

Pony Head:(laughing) “Check please!”

-(The Magic High Commission burst through the castle doors and gasp. Instead of the giant eagle feeding the giant spider, it’s Milo, Zack and Melissa doing a circus act with all the rats. The Commission looks bewildered as the show goes on then Milo, his friends and the rats stop and look at the Commission. There’s an awkward pause. Diogee comes in)

Diogee:”Bark! Bark!”

Milo:”No DIogee, go home, he’s not supposed to be in “Star vs. The Forces of Evil”

Hekapoo:”Neither should you guys!”

Milo:”Sorry, we thought it was a closed set cuz our show is-”(as he’s walking, he slips on a camera wire) “Oops!”(it makes a ceiling light swing down and knock down Rhombulus)

Rhombulus:”Oof”

(the rats scurry around panicking. As that’s going on, Milo gets up)

Milo:”Sorry” (steps towards the Commission) “You see we-”

(he steps on a cardboard on set that launches Hekapoo in the air as she screams and passes through a trapeze act between the rats making one of them lose focus and having it crash on a rat walking on a ball which knocks him down and the ball bounces into a cannon that automatically launches it into Omnitraxuses face knocking him down and finally, Hekapoo hits a button on the wall that unleashes the cats in a later scene from Stars wand spell. The cats run around chasing the rats as everyone runs and screams around with the set falling apart and a fire starts on the right side. Milo just stands there looking nonchalantly around)

Milo:”Geez, and I thought it was just my character”

-Marco:(about Star to his dad) ”Well, uh...things are a bit weird between us right now”

Rafael:”What could be weird? Two teenagers sharing a home. One boy, one girl (pauses as he forgets his lines and awkwardly smiles) “holding hands, laughing, skipping to my lou” (voice almost cracks as the staffs) “showering together, sleeping together” (holds in his laugh as he bows his head and the staff laughs) Marco:(with an amused look on his face) “Dad?”

Rafael:”I’m not your dad, I’m an actor”

(staff laughs harder)

-(Oskar throws his keytar in the air.......too high)

Oskar:”Oh s***! Sorry!”

(Star covers her mouth from laughing)

-Omnitraxus:(to Lekmet) “You found Glossaryck?”

Lekmet:”Baaaa!” (he opens the book and gets hit by Oskars keytar knocking him down. He gets up and talks in a Brooklyn accent) “Ah C’mon!”

-(Ludo/Toffee and Moon are battling in the air when the harness holding Moon makes her do flips)

Moon:”Whoa!” (she starts dangling around the room out of control as the lighting turns to normal and the background music stops. Moon stops and just hangs there dangling)

Ludo/Toffee:(his eyes go back to normal and Ludos voice is heard) “Are you okay?”

(Toffee runs into the scene holding his script)

Toffee:”What’s going on!?”

Moon:”GET ME DOWN!”

-Police Officer:(through a megaphone) “This is the police! You punks better be having a study party up there!”

Guy:”I’ve never read a book in my-”(gets hit by Oskars flying keytar knocking him off the rood. Everyone gasps as the camera goes shaky)

-(Jackie has her mouth open for the pizza nuggets to fly in her mouth and she’s making that “Ahhhh” noise when suddenly, a fly flies into her mouth. She starts choking)

Marco:”Oh s***!” (give Jackie the Heimlich Maneuver and the fly shoots out hitting Star in the eye knocking her down)

Star:”Oof!”

-Star:(arguing with Moon) “And apparently, there’s this thing called “summer” where you-’(Oskars keytar falls on her head knocking her down. Star gets up and groans) “F*** you, Oskar!”(grabs the keytar and throws it at Oskar off screen. We hear Oskar go “Ow”. Star calls out to him) “HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT!?’

Star:(storms out) “Where’s the Tylenol!?”

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for A Lot of Missed Time

No excuse.  I went on a vacation, then the Astros became World Champions, and then my family had a bout of the norovirus, but those are all details.  None of them excuse me slacking for two whole weeks.  On to shot-gunning an Aviator and answering questions people never asked me!  If you want to ask me a question email me at AskDearDudence@gmail.com or be one of the cool kids on the Facebook Page!

My choice: My husband and I have been married for a year and have a new baby. We were talking about abortion in the context of news this week when my husband casually asked me if I had ever had an abortion. I changed the subject.

Dear My Choice, one of Dudence’s guiding principles is that no relationship is made better by learning the intimate details of your partner’s sex life prior to you.  Whether it is number of partners, best bang, or where you learned to do “that thing which makes my toes curl”, the asking party is better off not knowing, and the asked party is better off being as general as possible.  This extends to abortions.  Whether you’ve had any, particularly in a previous relationship, is not something you should need to discuss if you’re not comfortable doing so.  All that being said though, when the conversation went “Honey, have you ever had an abortion?” and you answered with “What sides should we have with dinner tonight?” you answered his question.  So now you’re in a position where you are you actively trying to hide information from your husband.  The good news is there is a happy medium between “I will never tell my husband about something which I consider to be a major part of my life” and “I’m going to unload every gory detail about this major part of my life, even things I wouldn’t be comfortable telling him about.”  He asked if you’d had an abortion,  try answering honestly-ish “yes, I was young and wasn’t ready to be a mother.  I don’t regret the decision but I’d rather not get into details.”

Naked around niece: I grew up with three sisters and one bathroom—I am not shy about my body. My long-term boyfriend and I were visiting his family, and I decided to take a long, hot bath. His 8-year-old niece “Lola” knocked on the door and asked if she could use the toilet since the other was being used. Without a second thought, I told Lola she could, but I was in the bath. I didn’t think anything about it until later in the visit, when Lola mentioned my tattoo and her mother asked her where she saw it, she said in the bath. Her mother’s response was bizarre to me: She took me aside and told me it was “odd and inappropriate” for her daughter to see me naked.

Dear Naked Around Nieces, wow you done stepped in it.  When you have your own child you can establish all of your own rules for when and whom they see naked or share their bodily functions with.  Until that time the polite and reasonable thing is to accept that other parents might have their own expectations for the situations where their children are naked with other people.  Of all the bizarre parental rules people have “I don’t want my child seeing you naked and I don’t want them going to the bathroom in front of you without my permission,” is really quite reasonable.  I’ll give you credit that the mother calling it “odd and inappropriate” was hyperbolic; you didn’t know this would be a problem.  But escalating it by challenging her prerogative as a parent to introduce her child to other adult’s naked bodies puts you in the bigger wrong.  Take Newdie’s advice, get out whatever laughing fit you usually get when apologizing for being wrong, and apologize.  Also, just so you know, your boyfriend is telling you his sister is being crazy while telling his sister you’re being crazy.  He is not an unbiased observer in this; he wants to keep peace in his family while continuing to bang you.

Adam and I were briefly stepsiblings during the summer I turned 16 and he turned 18. Our parents divorced less than a year later. My father is a horrible husband but a great dad and kept in touch with Adam after the divorce. He helped him pay for college and got him a job in his field. I heard all of this over the years but didn’t see Adam again until my dad’s wedding (marriage No. 5) 10 years later. He was hot, and we hooked up.

Dear Stepbrother, at some level I hate myself for going “this is the plot of ‘Clueless’,” before I saw Newdie’s reply.  Go forward and bang your ex-step-brother with abandon.  You two were practically adults when your parents married, you never spent any meaningful time as siblings, and there was a decade between when you met and when you actually started applying genitals to one another.  I’m assuming, since you say your dad is a “great dad”, he has some level of awareness of you and Adam’s feelings for one another.  Maybe not all the details, but a general outline.  If he really is that “great dad” and Adam is as awesome a boyfriend as you think he will be, it’s probably something he’ll get over.  Or at least tolerate as much as anyone tolerates the “person banging my daughter”.  As for how other people react, you might want to cut-out the “we were brother and sister!” when asked “how did you meet?”  Or at least don’t break it out unless you have a minute to explain.

Family doesn’t approve of costume: My son is almost 4 years old. For Halloween, he asked to dress as a female character from a popular children’s show. It’s the only thing he requested to be, so we purchased the costume. The day it arrived, he was beyond excited. He tried it on immediately, and of course we snapped a few photos.  Later that evening, while texting with my brother, I sent him one of the photos. His immediate response was, “Is that a dress? Wow.” Since it can be hard to discern tone via text, I asked for clarification, and he confirmed that he indeed doesn’t approve, saying, “It’s not natural.” I responded that it’s just a costume and my son can wear whatever he wants, and ended the conversation.

Dear Family Doesn’t Approve… honestly, I can’t give a full answer to this without knowing the character involved and the race and ethnicity of your child.  For all I know your brother was commenting on how unnatural it was for your son to be appropriating another’s culture or white-washing a character representing a historically-oppressed group.  Man, advice was so much easier before the kulturekampf became all-consuming.  Your son is four and he likes a character in a show he watches, a character that happens to wear a dress.  Tell your brother it’s not a topic up for discussion; it is only a costume.  As for how to move ahead you can always do the time-honored tradition of ignoring it.  Or you could ascribe it to some sort of  homo/transphobia and call him out for it via whatever hashtag is trending.  Or you could simply agree to disagree with him that there is anything wrong with a child dressing up as a character, even a character who identifies as a gender different from the one your child currently identifies. Or you could tell him you hope that it does convert your son because you always wanted a daughter.  There’s a cornucopia of options at your disposal, you’re really only limited by how much you don’t want to talk with your brother again.

Money and love: I live with my long-term boyfriend in my house. I make significantly more money than him and am also far more conservative on finances; I pay all my bills and put 15 percent of every check into savings before I make any “want” purchases. When my boyfriend moved in, we discussed and agreed that he would take over a few bills but concentrate on getting his savings built up.

Dear Money and Love, another of Dudence’s guiding principles is to not lightly blow-up relationships.  Money issues tend to not be a “light” issue.  I will say right now you didn’t go over the line; maybe right up to it, but your comment about him acting like a spendthrift child was unkind, not uncalled for.  You don’t have to end the relationship for this, but it’s the sort of value mismatch which is going to be a problem unless he adjusts his spending, or you adjust your expectations.  And I highly recommend you hold firm to the line of him being the one to change his spending habits.

Creeper dad: Over the past year or so, my dad has started making comments to me about women he finds attractive. I am in my mid-30s, married with kids, and I know people can sometimes lose their filters as they get older, but this is kind of skeeving me out. It’s anything from “I’d watch anything where Charlize Theron wears a tight outfit,” to, after I commented on our waitress’s pants, “It wasn’t the pants I was focused on” (insert eyebrow waggle). He is very liberal and raised me with strong feminist values.

Dear Creeper Dad, so I guess he liked Atomic Blonde.  If he wasn’t your father my next question would be to ask if he’s a Hollywood director or producer.  You can be overly sensitive while it still bothers you to see you father objectifying women in a way that is counter to what you thought his attitude was while you were growing up.  Tell your dad that it makes you uncomfortable for him to make such comments to you.  If you want to up the discussion you could also mention that it seems he’s behaving in a way counter to the values he instilled in you.   Though I am curious by what you mean by “the past year”.  Is this something he just started doing or is it something he’s actually done for a while and you just noticed?  Being “liberal” and “strongly feminist” doesn’t mean he forfeits a healthy sex life or expressing an interest in the gender to which he’s attracted.  It’s entirely possible he’s always talked like this to people he’s friendly with, while it not being a subject suitable to discuss while raising his daughter.  You’re a grown-ass woman now, and he might think you can tolerate learning that your father is a multi-faceted person.  All that being said, if he’d previously been exceedingly respectful towards women, and he’s suddenly taken to making sexist and misogynist comments, that is kind of a sudden change in his personality.  Given his age (you’re in your mid-30s, I’m assuming he’s late 50s early 60s), there might be some mental health issues to consider.  Off the top of my head sudden changes in personality are early warnings for, at least, dementia and depression.  I think it’s far more likely your father is relating to you differently now that you’re older and, presumably, more mature than you were as a child.  That doesn’t mean you can’t, or shouldn’t, be uncomfortable with the change, and if you are it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t discuss it with your father.  

Relationship breakup: I am a 59-year-old male, and four months ago experienced a breakup with my 57-year-old girlfriend of four years. It was for me sudden and unexpected; and by a text message—who does that?! I was shocked and devastated. I was happy with our relationship and looking forward to it continuing and possibly becoming a permanent partnership. I begged for the opportunity to meet and discuss her decision in person, but she refused. I thought we had always been honest and open with each other, but apparently I was wrong about that.

Dear Relationship Break Up, it’s been four months, give yourself some time.  Nothing good is going to come from begging for an After Action Review of your break-up.  Trust me on this, any relationship you enter into now is going to be an exercise in futility.  You’re not in a place where you’d be a good partner.  Take your time moving on.  The really good news is, actuarially, demographics are going to increasingly be on your side.  You’ll be 80 and swimming in a pool of grey-haired dating opportunities.

[mittensmorgul]

Wow, I have such a kink for 8.2! I'm cutting work to watch this again LOL!

Oh dear! Confession time, I was up until like 4 am (no that’s a lie, it was almost 5 am), and woke up to find Mr. Mittens watching it. It was the bit I’m currently watching right now, at the riverbank in Purgatory.

“Let me bottom line it for you. I’m not leaving here without you. Understand?”

In my groggy state, I blurted out, “Oh gosh, we’ve come so far since then.” And then I ran to the living room and turned on the other tv, rewound it to the beginning and watched the whole thing again.

I still get skeeved by this entire auction. Like they deliberately invited Crowley and a representative of Heaven to drive up the price of the tablet. I mean, who else would have any interest at all in the Demon tablet? It’s like Plutus just... stole stuff and held it for ransom under the guise of this freaky auction. I mean, god of greed, so it seems logical, but >.>

Another bit that’s always bugged me is not the line itself, but the fandom misinterpretation of it as a Canon Fact:

Linda Tran offers her own soul in trade for the tablet and Kevin, which Plutus accepts with this reasoning:

CROWLEY: If it's souls that you're after, I can give you a million souls.DEAN: Hey, flyboy, are you gonna get in on this?SAMANDIRIEL: We guard the souls in Heaven. We don't horse-trade them.CROWLEY: So we have a deal.PLUTUS: It's not about the quantity, chief. It's about the sacrifice. This little lady's soul is the most valuable thing she has. It's everything. Are you willing to offer everything, Mr. Crowley?DEAN: Tick-tock.CROWLEY: Fine. You win. I bid... my own soul!PLUTUS: [laughs] Mr. Crowley, you don't have a soul. [to MRS TRAN] Congrats, sweetheart.

The key here is that Linda’s soul was valuable because it was the largest SACRIFICE she was capable of making. Like Plutus said, “It’s everything.” So Crowley’s offer of a million souls, which after s6 we know would’ve been a major power trade (he loaned Cas 50k souls to smack down Raphael, but it still wasn’t enough to defeat Raphael-- hence the grab for Purgatory souls. So a MILLION souls was a significant and substantial quantity of power to give up). But in Hell, new souls are showing up every day. They’re a renewable resource. Short-term it would’ve been a high price to pay, but long-term? In the bigger picture? Meh.

But in that same vein, when Plutus points this out, he asks if Crowley is willing to offer EVERYTHING he owns, and Crowley takes that to mean his own soul... but that’s hardly everything Crowley owns that is of value, you know?

First off, he really doesn’t HAVE a soul. Demons ARE souls. The smoky thing we see is what Hell does to that bright and shiny human soul we’ve seen before numerous times. I don’t think Plutus was saying that Crowley really had no soul, but that he didn’t have one to TRADE, because it was his entire BEING, you know? And it’s certainly not the extent of the things Crowley COULD sacrifice-- like the entire realm of Hell.

Plus, that matter of the fact that the “Mr Crowley, you don’t have a soul” line was a direct quote of something someone once said to the real-life Aleister Crowley. (a fact that is now impossible to google because of the millions of results it returns about this scene...).

SAM: Dean, were you really going to, uh...DEAN: What? Slit soccer mom's throat? Yeah, I was. I wish I had.SAM: Dean –DEAN: It was Crowley, Sam. No matter what meat suit he's in, I should have knifed him. I mean, yeah, it would have sucked, and I would have hated myself, but what's one more nightmare, right?

And Dean’s takeaway after Kevin runs for it? That people he doesn’t “need” anymore tend to die.

Which gives a HELL of a lot of weight to the statement in Purgatory to Cas:

DEAN: We'll figure it out. Cas, buddy, I need you.

But Cas still ended up stuck in Purgatory anyway. As if Dean’s “need” for him wasn’t even enough to save Cas from that fate. And then months later in 8.17:

Dean: This isn’t you. Cas, I know you’re in there. I know you can hear me. Cas, it’s me. We’re family. We need you; I need you.

And... it WAS enough to “save” Cas that time, but still not enough to get him to stick around. Heck, so much of s8 was about need...

I mean, while I was typing this up, I let 8.03 run in the background.

We already know from the jump in s8 that Dean’s pissed off that Sam walked away for an entire year, leaving Kevin running and fighting for his life alone. It came up again in 8.02, with Kevin still not really trusting Sam and Dean, and running off on his own again (with Linda this time).

And in 8.03, Dean finds yet another thing to harp on Sam about his own year off:

DEAN: All right, man, look, I get it. You took a year off to do yoga and play the lute, whatever, but I'm back. Okay, we're back, which means that we walk and kill monsters at the same time. We'll find Kevin. But in the meantime, do we ignore stuff like this? Or are innocent people supposed to die so that you can shop for produce?

Because while researching, Dean discovers the pattern of deaths repeats every six months, and Sam had’t even noticed it, let alone investigated to try and save these people, meaning the three people who’d died that week were on Sam for not having ganked the thing that killed them the first time it went on a killing spree... Yeah, Dean was angry, but meanwhile Sam had been in that “I don’t fight anymore, I watch the bees” sort of state of mind during that whole year.

Nothing says family like the whole family being dead (or as near as... )

But then Dean discovers Sam was considering going back to college. He tells Sam that this is where they’re best-- hunting down monsters together:

DEAN: I know where I'm at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you.SAM: Makes sense.DEAN: Yes, it does.SAM: Or... maybe you don't need me. I mean, maybe you're at your best hacking and slicing your way through all the world's crap alone, not having to explain yourself to anybody.DEAN: Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as I have so many other brothers I can talk to about this stuff.SAM: Look, I'm not saying I'm bailing on you. I'm just saying make room for the possibility that we want different things. I mean, I want my time to count for something.DEAN: So, what we do doesn't count?

And this is so important, the first suggestion that Sam and Dean want different things in life, and that eventually that might even be okay. But hooboy does it ever cause a lot of conflict between now and that impossibly distant potential future:

DEAN: Wow. Back in business. Got the win. Admit it – feels good, huh? You know, I was thinking about what Randa said about, uh, you know, what it feels like to be a warrior. I get it, man, I do.SAM: I know. I know you do. I don't. Not anymore. Hell, maybe I never did.DEAN: Come on, Sam, don't ruin my buzz, would you?SAM: Dean, listen, when this is over – when we close up shop on Kevin and the tablet – I'm done. I mean that.DEAN: No, you don't.SAM: Dean, the year that I took off, I had something I've never had. A normal life. I mean, I got to see what that felt like. I want that. I had that.DEAN: I think that's just how you feel right now.

And that’s setting up everything that’s come after in the brothers’ relationship with each other, the first chip knocked out of the giant mountain of codependency. It comes roaring back with a vengeance by the end of the season (granted, via the end of their close brush with hubris in their attempt to close the gates of hell), but at least all of this brings those issues glaringly to the surface where they can’t really just keep on keeping on the way they always have anymore.

Need vs want

I think this is also foundational to Dean NEEDING people rather than being able to admit that he WANTS them in his life. That he wants people to stay in his life because he loves them, not because he needs them for a specific purpose.

Because when Dean doesn’t need people anymore, they tend to end up dead... And just loving people, needing them just because he loves them, he sees it as selfish. And his personal needs aren’t enough to keep people he loves from dying.

Boy howdy did he ever internalize that to a toxic extent.

Dean has clearly not shed the “I’m Poison” thing from s7, and in some ways it only gets worse over the next few seasons, like he’s got to get to the very root of that feeling, plumb the depths of his own self-loathing and become the absolute worst possible version of himself (hello, Demon Dean), and come through the other side with a healthier sense of self, a healthier sense of his relationship with Sam, and an acceptance of his personal need for Cas.

Now he just has to find the right words to express all that. Saying his piece to Mary in 12.22 was a good start.

And oh gosh, 8.04-- Michael gave up his personal time with Kate to go along with Brian, because apparently Brian had no one else to hang out with. At the time, it sounds like Sam agreeing to go along with Dean on these hunts, leaving Amelia behind because Dean had no one else to hang out with... And the whole situation turned into a toxic mess. But the parallel isn’t perfect. Dean wasn’t motivated for the same reasons Brian was. Brian wanted what Michael had. Dean didn’t want what Sam had.

Dean just wanted everything to stay the same. But again, his needs are poison.

Heck, this got away from me again didn’t it?