#i just find it hilarious that every time i want to send you anything youve already reblogged it 😭

[leafwateraddict]

HAVING A MUTUAL WHOS ALREADY SEEN EVERY SINGLE POST YOU WANT TO SEND TO THEM IS SO FRUSTRATING 😭

*cough cough*@liliallowed*cough cough*

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[rhodesmystery]

um. smutfic. i joked about 3hrs but then got embarrassed about posting until i bought my vow hoodie from bungie and got such a rush and now here we are lmfao 

2.5k words of pwp. god bless. charlie x mc

Charlie finds her standing by the window. Not so unusual, all things considered. One of the first places he always thought to look, whenever they happened to be together. Something about staring out, letting her thoughts get away, eased her. He knew that much. 

However, Charlie had mostly found her clothed in the other times. Or as close to it. A shirt of his that was barely hiding anything wasn’t passable, and it wasn’t the first time he was thankful they had enchanted his windows to be one-way only. He didn’t want to think what would be said about some poor soul walking past and seeing Natasha the way she was. 

With a yawn, loud enough to alert her, and a roll of his shoulders, Charlie steps completely into the room. Mismatched, with parts kitchen, living and dining, all in one. Not that he minded, as it was his. Much like her, as he happily thought, when Natasha turned. Never a hint of sleepiness in her, with bright eyes and lips half turned up into a smile. Yeah, he knew she already knew that he was awake, but it was the entrance that mattered. Especially when he scratches his chest, stomach, only to rest his hand idly on his thigh.

“Morning.” Once, Natasha told him that she loved his voice in the morning. Didn’t tell him what exactly it was she loved, but he had made a note since then to take full advantage of it.

Natasha is surprisingly quiet with her response. A tumble of ‘morning’, that’s soft and private. Charlie might’ve thought something was wrong, if her eyes weren’t pointedly south. That gets a smile out of him.

“Thought you’d still be in bed.” Idle conversation, to fill the gap between him and her. Until he took those seven exact steps to stand before her. “Missed you.”

“Did you now?” Natasha is facing him now, and he can see his shirt was open, not even buttoned in some vague attempt for decency. Like this was some grand scheme of hers (and he was playing right into her hand). “I’m sorry.” Her lack of sincerity was hilarious, and his laughter was infectious, as she giggles to herself. Enough to distract him again. 

Charlie always liked her tits. Or, maybe he should call them breasts outright, to add some politeness to the conversation. But Natasha clasps her hands behind her back, purposely jutting them out at him, that he can see the swell of each, and how the shirt was barely holding on to cover her nipples. He was definitely going to commit this to memory.

“You should be.” Still trying to keep his tone vague. Not focus on how he could almost follow an arrow that pointed down, between her breasts, over her stomach. Like everything was shouting look at me, and he ate it up. Taking a lot for him not to just sink to his knees and eat her until she screamed his name. Forecast was telling him that was his immediate future.

With a fleeting look back at Natasha’s face, to gauge where she was at, Charlie gets a rather satisfied smile. Yeah, yeah, she read his thoughts, thought herself to be so smart about it too. Not like he wasn’t being obvious about it, cock at half mast already just thinking about her. Natasha, in his shirt, unbuttoned and open, and legs spread just enough, leaning against the window, a hand idly running down her front. Like he hadn’t already had that image in his mind since he’d walked out the bedroom.

“What ever can I do to make it up to you?” And the lines were corny, something out of the really bad movies she was fond of mimicking, except with the way she punctuates her words, making it different. Implications abound.

Charlie moves in a bit closer, a half step forward. Until there’s not else in his vision except her, her lips, her eyes, the spattering of freckles over her nose and the mismatched scars along her jaw. Practically swims in the green, noticing they were darker than any other day. And he loved why he knew that happened. Natasha kisses him, and it’s slow, deep, the only touch. Just the tilt of their heads, the slide of their tongues, and each other. Nothing more, nothing less.

Eventually, it’s his turn to make the move. And not to romanticise their positions, knight takes queen, pushing her against the window, pressing against her entirely. Never breaking the kiss, just hands trying to pull the shirt off, to find skin, only to end up with it tangled around her elbows. To trace along the curve of her spine as she arches into him. Natasha moans against his mouth, her nails burning into his shoulders, Charlie please. Please, the real magic word. Held a lot of weight, when applied properly. Like how it sits pleasantly on his head, as he begins a trail down.

Soft kisses, trying to catch every inch he could. Charlie could never tire of this, even if he knew how embarrassed she got. How she insisted on reciprocating. Not that he minded that outcome, of course, but there was something to be said for how Natasha’s face would look, when he looked up at her. Always partway there to covering her mouth, eyes heavy and hair a mess. Chest heaving, and a flush that coloured her pink. He didn’t know how many times he was up to, with calling her beautiful, but he was bound to crack a thousand eventually, surely. 

Natasha just snorts, trying to play off her embarrassment. Hand on his head, edging him down further. Charlie can only grin, kneeling as comfortably as he could, hands on her thighs. Encourages her wider for him, further still. Fingers tease her nipples, and Charlie can only savour the first strong lick in response. 

Something almost like a hiccup escapes her, and Natasha visibly shudders. With two fingers, Charlie parts her lips, and finds exactly what he wants. What he knew would have her all but shake on him. Charlie sucks, nips, laves her clit with attention, trying desperately to keep his eyes closed, but unable to stop from looking up. He loves when she looks like that, flustered and letting control go. 

Fingers that had spread her move to touch, to feel. Dragging across her seam, barely pressing against her. Charlie has to stop from smiling, when he feels the telltale buck as with one finger, he drives in a little further, but never quite enough. So soon? he thinks, but doesn’t complain. Not like he wasn’t in the same boat. At that thought, Charlie runs a hand over himself, pulling away from her clit only to look down, notice he was leaking. 

Not that he wanted to hurry, but with another twist of his wrist against his cock, he turns back. Ah well, he could make it up to her later. 

Tongue pressing against her, Charlie edges in. The slick sounds, normally off-putting in any other circumstance, always made Natasha a little weaker in the knees. Or it might’ve just been his good work, as she’s saying his name, muffled only by the sleeve of the shirt. Fingers circle her clit, and his free hand pulls at her cheek, massaging, spreading. A barely there teasing touch, against her ass, until he leans back again. 

Switching hands, replacing tongue with fingers, Charlie turns to watching her carefully. How her face may contort into something other than pleasure, when he presses one finger in. Slow, turning, brushing along her inner walls. Last night she’d mentioned that she was sore, a little more than usual. Perhaps Natasha knew what he was looking for, in how she meets his eye entirely, whispering his name as a second finger joins the first. No outward signs of discomfort, especially not when her fingers twist in his hair, tugging strands with a certain amount of force.

“Feels good?” Charlie has to ask, anyway. Can’t help himself. 

Natasha huffs, sending hair flying up. “Yes, Charlie, Merlin’s beard, if you don’t make me come, I swear—”

Even though he’s laughing, he cuts her off. One somewhat satisfied customer then. Curls his fingers, thumb pressing against her clit, and laves attention on what skin he could find with his tongue. Scissors his fingers, free hand perhaps the only thing holding her upright as she all but presses her weight down on his shoulders. From how she bent over him, Charlie could hear her whispers clearer, her pleads. 

Nope, not letting go until she’d come, good and hard. She's shuddering, Charlie yes please right there god yes. Charlie knew about the muggle god that her father’s family worshipped. It was oddly satisfying to hear that name mix in with his, to the point where he didn’t know who was who, as he pumped his fingers in and out of her. 

Natasha comes with a low, long moan. Not her first orgasm, no sir, but definitely one that has her lock up and quiver all at once. Charlie rides her through it, slow circles drawn out, just how she liked. Knew exactly where to touch, where to hold, as she comes down. Time isn’t a concept, as Natasha struggles to push herself back up, eventually leans against the window for support.

And then she says: “You’ve gotten better at that.” As if she’s not heaving in air, sensitivity overloading with how Charlie can’t seem to run a hand up her legs without her nearly giving out.

“I’ve had practice,” is what he says instead. If only because he’s getting a kick out of how he splays his fingers over her stomach, and she has to close her eyes. Bite her lip. 

Puffs of air that resemble try to resemble a laugh leaver her. “Oh, really? What’s her name?” Natasha tries to keep the conversation light and teasing, but Charlie knew. Probably a light draft would have her tumble over once again, if aimed right.

“Natasha. You probably don’t know her. Great gal. Fantastic tits.”

When she laughs, it’s the best sound Charlie had heard in months. Head thrown back, genuine kind of laugh, that ignores the situation and encompasses it all at once. Natasha grins, slack and easy, running a finger over his lips. Charlie chases it, nibbling on the tip, which earns him a pointed look. One he was quite happy to keep around. 

Leaning in, Natasha kisses him. Hot and wet, far too much tongue, and he knows that she can taste herself. The knot in his stomach tightens, acutely aware of how he was running warmer than usual. Along her lower back, Charlie drags his nails, finds her hips. Palms her into turning around, breaking the kiss despite her noise of disapproval. And he might’ve told her that if she just asked him to come on command, he would’ve then and there, except Charlie manages to get her with her back to him, hands firmly planted on the window. 

As Charlie rights himself, one hand firmly stroking his cock as he lines himself up, does he notice how Natasha turns to look over her shoulder. As if regaining some bravado in that moment, she smirks, wiggles her hips. 

“This is new for you.” 

With a snort, Charlie can only settle for giving her ass a light slap. “Shut up.” Perhaps he was a little mollified. Not to say that he was the most adventurous, as he knew he wasn’t and more often than not blushed his way into Natasha all but dominating. Definitely not his fault that he was far more favourable of the lower end of the scale. 

Fine, fine. If she was going to be all smarmy about him branching out, then he'd show her! As long as he could figure out how to stop his ears from burning as he eased his way in. Charlie moans, as she's twitchy and wet around his cock, not helping how Natasha pushes up onto her toes, fingers pressed against the glass. With a few blinks, Charlie is able to see just how the glass steamed in front of her, with every breath she took.

“I’m gonna move.”

“Thank god.”

Chuckles dissolve into pitches in breathing. Like there was just not enough oxygen in the room, and Charlie was definitely a little dizzy, enamoured, whatever, when he grips her hips and pulls her back to meet his thrust. Pushes a hand up, moving the damned shirt up with it, following the arch of her back. Until he lets it fall back again, settling for her shoulder to hold instead. 

Natasha isn’t quiet. Not by a long shot. Settled for thanking her later that she’d been the one to soundproof the house on her arrival. Faster harder Charlie pleasepleaseplease. And he tries to keep up what she’s saying, how he lets go of her hip to palm his way to her front. Find her clit and rub at it furiously, which does nothing except have her cover a moan with her arm. Even as she twitches, tries to pull away, tries to keep meeting him thrust for thrust, Charlie keeps at it. Nothing if not consistent. One of her hands joins his, Natasha’s fingers slipping along his, brushing what was exposed of his cock as he continued to move inside her. 

It's when he presses his forehead between her shoulder blades, does Charlie struggle. Hand slipping from her shoulder, he finds her hand against the window, threading fingers and gripping until his knuckles turn white. Embarrassingly so, holding her firmly against him as he comes. Moans against her skin, something that was definitely her name if a little garbled, until she follows only seconds later. 

Charlie doesn’t know how to move. Limbs felt heavy and light all at once, as if he moved even one foot, he’ll just fall flat on his face, either way. Blinking, the world doesn't stop spinning. Not yet, but he gingerly slides himself out. Regrettably, and “sorry,” when he spies the telltale spill begin to trail down her thighs. Too bad he was tired, or it might’ve been able to roll him into action, strangely so (except, he was acutely aware that his lower half was almost numb, brain fuzzy, eyes only trying to find her face).

As she turns, Natasha faces him with heavily lidded eyes, and a very pleased smile. “It’s fine.” But she’s leaning against the window, as if she didn’t trust her own legs too. With a blush that spread to the tops of her breasts, hair mussed and eyes dark, Charlie knew she was beautiful. And told her just that.

Eventually, she slides down, landing on the ground with a grunt. Charlie follows suit, wobbly and flushed, bumping shoulders when he’s beside her. Natasha kicks a leg over his, idly playing with what he could now consider her shirt, until she pulls it up and holds it at her front. Tilting his head back, Charlie closes his eyes, finds her hand, and squeezes it fiercely. 

For several minutes they sit just so. Until, with a sigh, Natasha rolls her head towards him. “Want breakfast?”

Charlie grins, one that slowly builds, that doesn’t even try to hide what he was going to say next. Opening one eye, he looks at her. “I already ate.”

[starrysence]

Tommy Boy/Romeo? they need more content-spottie ❤️

they definitely need more content!! i will lead a tOMMY BOY/ROMEO REVOLUTION IF I MUST

warnings: talks about depression, also tommy has shitty parents

×××

●aight yall. theyre both pan.

▪romeo makes constant pan puns and tommy is So Done▪"guess you could say we’re…. PANicking about that test in calculus today"▪"youve been spending too much time with race"▪"youre just jealous because i couldve been spending that time with you"▪"you motherfucker,,,,“●romeo wants to cuddle w/ tommy basically any chance he gets because tommy spends a good chunk of every day busy with either school work, his job, or dance▪literally always down for cuddles????▪sometimes tommy is just like "hey wanna watch a movie”▪and ro will LEAP onto the couch so fast it scares tommy and he’ll bury himself in tommy’s arms▪"HELL yes"▪tommy’s highly amused▪through laughter: “ok cool”●tommy does NOT get nearly enough sleep every night and it rlly worries romeo▪they have some ap classes together bc romeo isnt in all ap classes like tommy is▪the latest he’ll have to stay up w/ tommy on a weekend is like?? 1am maybe▪but he gets up like 3 hours later for a drink of water and tommy STILL isnt in bed and he is Worried ▪he’ll find tommy passed out at the table they were working and just sighs▪as much as he’d like to get tommy into bed he tried dragging the boy into the room but he was absolutely exhausted by the time he did▪so he just grabs a blanket and drapes it around tommy and prepares for neck cramp complaints in the morning●tommy gets SUPER dramatic abt his soreness after extended dance classes or rehearsals for shows▪he will absolutely just collapse on the couch the moment he gets to it and start moaning▪"romeoooo im in paaaaaaain"▪after the first couple times romeo just kinda gets used to it and laughs at his drama queen of a bf but helps him ease the soreness●romeo really takes care of tommy the days his depression acts up▪literally cancels everything and stays w/ tommy the whole day▪he doesnt want to nag at tommy too much bc he understands that that can get annoying/overwhelming/etc

▪but time to time he’ll ask tommy if he needs anything or if theres anything he can do to help▪kind of different but ro always always reminds tommy to take his antidepressants ▪tommy will sometimes just spill to romeo about how much it means to him that he’s doing that▪sometimes he starts rambling which leads to apologising which leads to more rambling so romeo will place his hands on tommy’s arms and kiss him rlly soft and quick ▪"its okay, i love you"●tommy’s parents never really supported his love for dance???? at all?▪they wanted him to do something ‘more practical’▪like. he couldnt take dance classes outside of school at all unless he paid for it▪so he kinda just like took up jobs and worked them to pay for lessons and until he saved enough money on the side for a plane ticket and arranged to live w/ an aunt in nyc▪when hes starting to build up a career and a name for himself he gets a call from his parents congratulatjng him on his success▪gets so bitter????? literally tells them off abt the whole thing and then doesnt even wait for a response before he hangs up▪romeo is helping him calm down afterwards and assuring him that he did the right thing●romeo is amazing at photography ▪also at maintaining aesthetics????▪his isntagram account always has such a nice theme tommy loves it▪theres this whole month where ro literally just posts pictures of him and tommy▪mainly to annoy his friends who told him “honestly can you two get any more gross”▪[he took it as a challenge]●so these two dont get a lot of free days to just spend time together, which they absolutely hate▪thank god for ny winters▪sometimes its too snowy so neither of them have to go to class or to work▪they spend the entire day just lounging around with each other ▪so many cuddles. so many kisses. so. many. ●yall know romeo’s thing is more playful flirting so sometimes tommy will crack a dirty joke and this boy’s face will go RED

▪tommy thinks its hilarious and the cutest thing hes ever seen▪"ro,, baby are you ok"▪"n O"▪he cant stop laughing. and romeo only smiles bc he loves hearing tommy’s laugh so much●gotta end this on a soft note cuz yall know how it be;;;;; they 10000% send each other wholesome memes and/or super long and sappy lovey dovey texts▪tommy is Bad With Words so usually he’ll send ro the memes▪sometimes romeo will send tommy 4am texts abt how lucky and in love he is and tommy will see them either a.) as soon as theyre sent bc hes working on stuff or b.) first thing in the morning bc he always checks for texts from romeo after waking up▪they always make him smile! so much!!▪side note ro loves tommy’s smile▪he thinks its the cutest thing ever▪every time tommy smiles ro says “the sun is quaking” and tommy snorts w/ laughter. every time. ▪theyre Soft as Heck yall

×××

aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAA i love them. so much. sndjldvfs i hope u liked these hcs. i would Die for these boys (tbh i’d die for all the newsies what else is new)

-sanj 💕

tag list:

@but-let-us-seize-the-day

@one-candy-cane-please​

@suddenly-im-respecsable​

@intoomanyfandomstopickaname​

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen​

@aw-jus-let-em-try

@bencookisagod​

@well-the-kids-do-too​

@auspicioustarantula​

@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn​

@have-we-got-news-for-you​

@not-a-scab​

@newsiesgarbage​

@pineappapizza

@andthewoildwillknow​

@concrete–donuts​

@stopthe-presses​

@thomasbeingthomas

@i-love-loki-and-sherlock

@maxvanna

[if you want to be added to my tag list, please shoot me an ask or a message letting me know! i’d be happy to add you.]

[theuniverseisher]

Hostage Negotiation

In which Tumblr absolutely dunks on the Discord formatting, starring:

@sunlight-magnificence @fouramour @sixpinsdie @itsjacktheknife @lassofthelaw @cautionarylaw @fastestshadeofgreen @undertakinggraveshift @dilldaydreamer @aceoflaw

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:04 PM

08: @Law

https://theuniverseisher.tumblr.com/post/178198725232/pvt-law

08: ;) ((for those who can't get on tumblr just now))

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:08 PM

WK: ....Release her. NOW!

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:09 PM

She already had her relea--))

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:09 PM

((ADSFGH))

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:09 PM

((don t do  th i s

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:10 PM

08: ;) You know my demands.

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:14 PM

WK: You want me to beg, you FILTHY URCHIN?! Please, come here so I can hear your carapace CRACK under my foot.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:15 PM

08: Would somebody please inform His Royal Marshmellow why, precisely, that's ill-advised?

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:17 PM

WK: No, you won't die. I shall just remove every joint from it's socket until you're a shell with a still-beating heart. You will not GET to die.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:18 PM

08: Still not a good idea, cupcake!

Resh (NB)Today at 10:19 PM

NB: Sir! Wait! Wait, she’s, well apparently she’s got the universe inside her! If you kill her, or damage her, maybe, reality itself may break. If the universe dies, we, goddamnit, we all die.

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:22 PM

WK: You're with the Felt then? I will end each and every one of them unless you return here with my wife, NOW.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:23 PM

08: Yawn! 08: Really, you're cute.  Thinking that bothers me. 08: Is that all you've got?  You must really not care about your wife. 08: My husband would have bent over backwards to get me back. ;)

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:25 PM

WK: How DARE you imply that I do not care. WK: Is that what you want? Wherever you are, bring me there.

Resh (NB)Today at 10:26 PM

NB: Sir!? What the hell are you thinking we need to plan this!

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:26 PM

08: No. 08: I want you to beg. 08: Before all your people.  I want them to see you on your knees. 08: Show me how much you want her back, Wilhelm.

ave (PS/Sol)Today at 10:28 PM

PS: Snowman.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:29 PM

08: :)

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:31 PM

06: Hey 06: I'm innocent. 06: Why are we threatening my life, I'm not involved in this. You should consider anger therapy. 06: Your wife gets kidnapped one time and suddenly it's an everyone problem.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:31 PM

SS: oh there you are SS: left me on read you bitch SS: ....but this is pretty great not gonna lie

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:32 PM

08: 💋

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:33 PM

WK: >You kneel where you stand, in the middle of the street in the city. Where everyone can feel your unbridled rage around you at the epicenter. You don't know how or if she could possibly see you, but you're kneeling now WK: PLEASE.(edited)

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:34 PM

06: Haha.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:34 PM

SS: wow

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:34 PM

08: Someone get there and Skype me.

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:34 PM

04: on it.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:34 PM

06: Bitch we use discord now get with the times ))

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:34 PM

(( IT IS, IN HINDSIGHT, A HILARIOUS TIME JOKE TBH

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:34 PM

SS: cant wait to see this shit in the papers

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:35 PM

((LMFAO))

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:35 PM

04: is it just gonna be really obvious where he is, or should i close my eyes and assume i'll end up there.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:35 PM

((pesterchum or bust))

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:35 PM

uninstall AOL messenger u cuck))

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:36 PM

08: Probably obvious! A little limited at the moment myself. FINE AIM ME YOU FUCKS))

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:37 PM

01: yo 01: snow 01: ill pay you for pics

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:38 PM

> Clover manages to find the king in record time, as he do. > There's now a livestream in-chat.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:39 PM

SS: ha!

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:39 PM

08: 3 favors for a set of 5.  5 for 10. 08: Ohh, this is good. 08: Now, see? That wasn't so hard.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:40 PM

01: mmmmm 01: yo WK how much you think snuff of your wife is worth just wondering

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:41 PM

08: I also have a cashapp.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:41 PM

SS: id pay for it

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:41 PM

WK: Don't! Please.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:44 PM

08: Now, see, this is fun! 08: On the one hand, there's the good, sweet husband and law enforcement, who surely wouldn't want queenly blood on their hands--given how Beloved she is to the ruling planet--no matter whether they personally care for her or not. 08: On the other, snuff of a Queen is once in a lifetime. 08: Race to see who has the better offer.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:44 PM

01: definitely rather pay cash i dont trust your uh 01: creativity 01: on favors and shit

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:45 PM

SS: really snow? youre thinkin of leaving her alive?

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:45 PM

08: I'm all ears! Auction starts now. 08: 💋

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:46 PM

WK: Anything you want. Anything. WK: I will do whatever you ask.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:46 PM

08: Anything is dangerous, sweet Marshmallow. 08: Are you absolutely certain of that?

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:47 PM

WK: If you return her, yes.

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:47 PM

04: ooooh.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:47 PM

SS: didnt she take everything from you SS: what fun is it to let her go now that youve got her SS: you should do to her what she wasnt able to do to you SS: cull that bitch SS: and her husband too

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:48 PM

WK: I swear on my life that I will do whatever you ask so long as you return her. Please.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:48 PM

AR: you should also refrain from bribery. and threats. and kidnapping. AR: on a public forum.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:48 PM

08: Oh, darling, sweet Regulator. 08: Eat me. 08: Now then!

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:48 PM

SS: haha

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:49 PM

cop dad banging pots and pans SCATTER))

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:49 PM

SS: he said you could return her so SS: just return her body SS: everyone wins

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:50 PM

WK: ALIVE.

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:50 PM

SS: aw see now youre asking for a lot

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:51 PM

(( doin this for quick not-worth-a-dm-channel exchanges )) [04->08: i dunno, 'on death's edge' is still alive. :P]

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:51 PM

[08->04: ;)] [08->01: You'll get your photos.  $Sn0wbitch send the cash.]

Percy (06/💀)Today at 10:53 PM

Death: Perhaps not my place, being human, but... there has already been one war between Derse and Prospit. Wouldn't murdering her constitute a second war, and are we all willing to cause a second war over this? I feel you have already... pushed good reason for such.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:53 PM

[01->08: god bless you ya crazy c*nt.]  [-Transfers 4k, because this is an investment mon dude.-]

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:54 PM

WK: Do you accept my offer?

Bunny (SS)Today at 10:54 PM

SS: freedom doesnt come cheap SS: kill the tyrants

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:55 PM

[04->08: you deserve more than just 'please', in my opinion!]

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:55 PM

[AR may or may not have just....closed the chat. T-minus 45 minutes for guilt and doing the right thing but I'm going to have a GRAND forty five minutes thank YOU.]

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 10:55 PM

[45 minutes is a long time to allow murder]

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:57 PM

[08->01: I'll send them once we're done here.] 08: Here's what I'm thinking, Wilhelm. 08: Immunity for this little debacle.  No arrests, no charges--I walk out of this scot-free, as do my fine band of merry gentleman.  No legal retaliation. 08: And I will have my ring back. 08: How's that sounding so far?

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:57 PM

WK: Done.

fuck this shit (01/AR)Today at 10:57 PM

[AR awknowleges the narrator's point with a steven universe struggling not to crack gif. Time is adjusted accordingly.]

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 10:58 PM

08: Ho. 08: Also this story is going to the press as we've written it, and none of your heroic-twist style narratives. 08: For that little extra salt in the wound.

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 10:59 PM

WK: I don't care. Return her immidiately, or bring me there.

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 11:02 PM

08: No, I won't be bringing you here. 08: And I will return her, when I am good and ready. 08: The drop off with be in front of the Regalia Hotel, two hours from now. 08: There will be no police presence. 08: Only you, and Mister Four of my outfit. 08: Any breech of this contract, and I'll slit her throat before you even get a shot off. 08: Are we perfectly clear on that?

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 11:03 PM

04: 🕓🕗✌💋

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 11:03 PM

WK: Yes. WK: Is everyone clear? Do. Not. Follow. Me.

Percy (06/💀)Today at 11:05 PM

06: That was easy.

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 11:05 PM

04: requesting permission to end stream, boss?

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 11:05 PM

08: Permission granted. 08: Be sure to save that.

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 11:06 PM

04: wouldn't dream of otherwise.-- The video stream cuts off. --

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 11:07 PM

08: A pleasure doing business with you, as always, Wilhelm!

pixel~! (04/Dualscar)Today at 11:07 PM

04: ✨

Imagine Dragons (09/WK)Today at 11:07 PM

WK:....

Mabs (PI/02)Today at 11:07 PM

PI: -Pembrooke Ingleton has signed off-

Carro (DD/08/WQ)Today at 11:07 PM

08: Oh! Yes, Clover,you're quite righht. 08: ✨

[supernatural-danhowell-fanf-blog]

Motionless.

Charecters: Dean, Reader

Pairing: Dean×Reader

WARNING: TRIGGERS. THIS IS A TRIGGER FIC. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF IT WILL AFFECT YOU BADLY NOW OR IN THE FUTURE. Self hate. Cutting. Language. Slight nudity but not in a sexual way. T-shirt and underwear.

Summary: You’ve kept your self harm a secret until it became too much and you had to call your boyfriend Dean.

A/N: SO LIKE I SAID A LOT OF TRIGGERS. This was an inspirational fic to me because I’ve dealt with this stuff before. To me, at least, Dean is real. He lives in my head. Whenever I pick up the blade I can hear him saying “Put that down. Can’t you see how beautiful you are?” I can see his broken heart as I cut into my legs. I can feel him comforting me after I’m done. To me dean is real and this fic happens in my mind pretty much every night.

I don’t know how to put the gif at the beginning. Sorry I’m an idiot lol. Anyway, there is a gift at the bottom that is how I imagined Dean on the phone at the beginning.

Alright. Please make sure if this starts triggering you you immediately stop and you message me. I can send you a non trigger version. Well, just the triggers cut out. —

Blood dripping.

Tears trickling.

Skin ripping.

Nights wer- are always hard for you. You stayed awake long after the rest of the world. Crying, not the cute, one-tear-running-down-the-cheek crying. Full on screaming, tears pouring down your cheeks. You clenched your teeth, held your stomach. Ever threw up sometimes just from the intensity.

Your days were pretty routine. Wake up grumpy from only getting a couple hours of sleep. Sometimes none. Then you would go to work, be happy for a while, joke around, smile, start to think, I can do this. Then at about 6pm you get sad, start thinking “why does nobody love me?” At about 11pm after you get in bed the tears start. At 12 you get your blades. At 2 you are screaming for help, in the middle of a nightmare even though you aren’t asleep. Something is chasing you, hurting you. Killing you slowly. At 5 you are wondering if anything is really worth this.

Nobody knew. Not family, not friends, not even your boyfriend, Dean. You were always smiling so everyone just assumed you were fine. Friends would come to you with problems and you would comfort them even though it was a fraction of what you were dealing with. You always got told “you know, you help me all the time. If you have any problems, you can call. Day or night.” Bullshit. If you spilled your guts you would have to clean them up yourself so why bother?

—

Work was terrible. You were told to go kill yourself twice, cursed out, had stuff thrown at you. You took a break even though you were supposed to be working and your manager screamed at you in front of everyone.

12:42AM

“Why does nobody care about me?! Am I not pretty enough?! Smart enough?! Nobody loves me. I should end it. No, gotta stay strong. For Dean.” You said as you wiped your tears and sat up on the bed. You opened your bedside table drawer. You only kept one thing in there. Blades. The bottom of the drawer was stained with drops of blood. You kept it locked up so no one would see. Much like you kept yourself locked up. Hoping nobody could see.

You often pondered how dean would react the first time you had sex. Seeing the deep red marks all up and down your legs and arms. Wrists were easy to cover up with Bracelets and such. You had been with Dean for over a year now. Your excuse was wanting to wait until marraige. BS. You had got real close a few times. You had tattoos on your arms so dean couldn’t see those but your legs were a different story. You had gone shirtless but as soon as dean tried to unbutton your jeans you had to pump the brakes. You could see the dissapointment in his eyes. Not in you, just in the fact that you didn’t trust him. At least that’s what he thought.

You grabbed a dull blade and drug it across your ragged skin. To you, your thighs were a canvas. You had to find an empty spot to start on. You looked all across the red marks, drug the very tip of the blade across the scars, feeling the familiar sting. Eventually found a good place to start. You dragged it across your skin, prepping it. Feeling the cool blade against your legs was comforting.

Then you pulled it across in a fast motion, blood starting to drip. You muffled a scream. Then again. Again. Again. Each time more painful than the last.

3:19AM

The screaming. Oh the screaming. Inside your head but it was all too real. You banged your head against the wall trying to make it stop. Trying to make your last few hours peaceful.

3:38:AM

You felt a cold hand wrap around your forearm. Start squeezing. It left an ugly purple bruise. Another had wrapping its fingers slowly around your throat. You tried to get it out of your room but you kept seeing it. Why was it there? What did it want?

4:22AM

Silence. You drifted to sleep until you heard a piercing scream. You jolted up. Tonight was worse than it had been for a long time.

4:36AM

You were pacing your room. “I should call him. No, he will leave me. No he won’t Y/N Don’t be ridiculous. Just call” you pulled out your phone and began dialing. You hit cancel and put the phone back in your bra. “Y/N you are such a worthless, stupid, piece of garbage. His JOB is to make you happy. Just call!” You told yourself I’m a fit of anger. You dialed again. This time you hit call.

The ringing went on for what felt like ages. "Come on, Dean! Pick up damn it!”

“Y/N, I swear if you are drunk in a ditch somewhere and I have to come pick you up one more ti-”

“D-Dean?” You said, clearly crying. Voice shaking. Your tried to swallow the lump in your throat but couldn’t. You just kept crying.

"Baby, what wrong. Are you hurt? Where are you?!” He said as you heard background noise. Sounded like he was getting out of bed.

You couldn’t make a noise. You just kept crying. You dropped the phone next to you on the bed without hanging up. Too weak to even hold the phone.

"Baby you’re scaring me what’s happening?! Im on my way.” You could hear through the phone. “I’m about an hour out though. Please stay on the phone.”

You picked up the phone and just said his name. In a quiet voice. You weren’t even sure how he could hear it. “Y/N” his voice broke. He was crying too. “Seriously, talk to me”

"I just can’t anymore baby” you said, suprised you got that many words out. “You can’t what? Can’t date? Can’t work? Can’t what sweetheart?”

"Live.” It was quiet. For a long time. “Y/N, I swear to God if you kill yourself before I get there I’m going to kill you.”

You smiled. “Nice logic.” You managed to say. Then you screamed. “Y/N?! Y/N!!! What happened?!” He yelled.

“It’s coming!! Dean please save me it’s coming it’s coming dean please please get here faster kill it please dean save me dean please please save me!”

"Baby I’m on my way but you have to talk to me. What’s coming?”

“The monster. It’s in my head.”

Dean was relieved it wasn’t an actual monster. Although it was very real. “Baby, talk to me. Why are you so scared?” He said in a calming voice.

You were quiet for a while. You were thinking. Calming enough to tell him.

“I hate myself. I hate my body, my skin, my hair, my face. My personality, my humor, my house, my voice, everything. I’m a worthless piece of absolute garbage and I shouldn’t even be on this earth.”

He sighed. “First of all. That’s complete Bullshit. You are the most amazing person I know! You think you are worthless?! That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. your think you are ugly? You are perfect. I’ve seen the way you look at yourself in the mirror and I can tell what you are thinking and believe me. I love very freckle, Every mole, every imperfection because your imperfections are what make you so amazing because you wear them with pride. You think you are garbage? Welcome to the club!! You think you have a bad personality? Y/N, you are hilarious, smart, talented, the list goes on. I-I couldnt ecen twll you hoe many times ive cried from laughing so hard at the stuff youve said! I never knew you felt this way. How long?”

You were crying so it was hard for him to hear you. “Years. I never told anyone because they should be running scared. What kind of monster think the things I think, does the things I do, cuts their legs and arms because they aren’t pretty enough? Who does that? Me.”

“You’ve been cutting yourself for years? Y/N I’ve knows you for years. Why didn’t I ever know? Is that why you don’t want to have sex with me? You think I’ll run screaming??”

“Dean you know I want to I just can’t stand the though of you worrying.You didn’t ever know because I didn’t tell anyone. I’m weak, Dean. Weak and scared. Nobody would ever take me seriously if they knew how weak I actually was.”

“People don’t cry because they are weak Y/N. They cry because they have been strong too long.” He said is a soothing voice. “You are my girl and I would do anything to protect you. I’m almost there. I love you so damn much Y/N. You know what I love about you? You’re smile. I love how even after all the crap you’ve been through, you still smile. I love how strong you are. Holding on this long. I love you Y/N, I couldn’t live without you.”

“Why do you keep saying that? You love me? I’m trash. I’m worthless and stupid and ugly and I don’t deserve you. You should leave me. No sense in keeping me around. All I do is screw up. I’ll be gone soon anyways.” You said as you wiped a tear from your eye.

“Hold on baby.” He said as he hung up.

“What the fuck? Did he actually just hang up on me?” You were done crying. Even though it broke your heart. You just had a straight face. And laid down. Without blinking or looking at anything.

After about 2 minutes the door burst open. You didn’t move. Didn’t even blink, to be honest you didn’t even notice. Before long, Dean was lifting you up and wrapping his arms around you. He held you bridal style as you kept your dead eyes looking forward. Without saying anything. He sat down on the bed and your head laid in the crook of his neck as he rocked you and hummed a song.

About ten minutes later, he asked quietly “Can I see, baby?” You nodded. You were too exhausted to say anything. He just laid you on the bed and pulled down your pants. You just laid still, motionless, in a shirt and underwear as your boyfriend stood above you, crying. Seeing how bad it had gotten. Your legs were dark red pretty much all the way down to your knees.

“Baby” he said breathless. Not even really talking to you. He ran his fingers through his hair and cursed himself for not knowing sooner. He was pacing back and forth, breathing heavily. He looked so angry at himself. He shouldn’t be, it’s not his fault.

He leaned down and began kissing your legs. Not sucking, just leaving a soft kiss on every cut on your leg. You slowly lifted your head and asked “why?” Quietly.

“Because I love them. They show how strong you are. I love you. I’m going to kiss each and every cut. Each and every day until they heal. Because this is not okay but I don’t know how else to help you right now.”

You laid motionless, staring at the ceiling as he kissed each cut. You felt a warm drop of water run down your leg every couple seconds. No doubt a tear. He made his way up each leg and then jumped up to kiss your lips.

“Love.” You said as a tear ran down your face.

“Yes, I love you, Y/N.”

He wrapped you in his arms and leaned up against the headboard and watched you fall asleep.

“You are beautiful Y/N Y/L/N. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t ever leave me.”

—

Forever tags- @booklover180 @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @twentyonespnphantrash @usernametaken198 @tessndellaxx

[gulescamisade]

Virginia:  Day 3

TAKODA: -they're all fueled up again and he's back to driving, but he's found another place for them to stop while he tries to figure out the best route to minnesota. he's noticed that a lot of major highways are blocked off by the military, so... it's probably best to avoid those. even if the condesce wants to toy with them as she is, there's no way of predicting anyone else's behavior.-

DEREK: -meanwhile, he's hovering around his brother. takes a seat next to him wherever he's at.- Hey.

DAVENFORTH: -He's been sitting here, thinking too much. Help him. At least his brother is here.- Sup

DEREK: ... I dunno about you but Ive been thinkin a lot about the news.

DAVENFORTH: Nah i havent thought about it even once in fact id forgotten about it entirely

DEREK: Yeah ok. 

DEREK: So whats your plan? I know youve got one.

PENNY: -slides closer from like two seats away- what news?

DAVENFORTH: What do you mean are you really asking me if im a bad enough dude to assassinate the presidents

DAVENFORTH: Because thats not even on the table look at every card and lo and behold it aint there conveniently missing like the last piece of the puzzle

DEREK: ... 

DEREK: -looks at penny- Dual juggalo presidents.

PENNY: ... -snrk- 

PENNY: yall just found out that happened?

DAVENFORTH: Yeah

DEREK: Cant say Ive had much opportunity to keep on top of all the bullshit goin down here.

PENNY: hoo boy well. 

PENNY: welcome to the new United States of Whatever.

RILEY: -she was dead asleep, and suddenly, she wakes up. sleeping on a party bus is great. she stretches a little before noticing that penny is talking to Derek and davenforth, but it's hard to know if it's a step forward or backward. which is why she's conveniently pretending to not pay attention but in reality is intensely eavesdropping-

DAVENFORTH: This is my united states of whatever

PENNY: -she still hasn't quite figured out that Derek is her Boy. she's been avoiding looking at Riley a little too much.- 

PENNY: and then up comes Zafo and Im like yo Zafo whats up hes like nothin and Im like thats cool.

PENNY: ok but really.

PENNY: the whole things a joke and everybody knows it.

PENNY: but not even a good one.

DAVENFORTH: Pretty dangerous joke

DAVENFORTH: Your new buddy back there finds their very existence offensive

PENNY: yeah well Im more scared of what were doing right now than the clowns sitting in the White House.

PENNY: literal clowns.

DAVENFORTH: Those clowns are a lot more dangerous than you think

RILEY: -why does jodie love the clowns so much-

PENNY: Im a lot more dangerous than they think.

PENNY: theyre just human anyway.

DAVENFORTH: Ill let you fight em then

DEREK: Yeah but. Humans appointed by the queen bee bitch herself no doubt. DEREK: Clearly theyre influencin the populous into a compliant lifestyle under her rule.

DAVENFORTH: Anyway i think we should make a pit stop on the way to minnesota

DAVENFORTH: Let condy were coming

PENNY: oh sure. PENNY: Id love to punch a juggalo in the dick.

DAVENFORTH: Well

DAVENFORTH: Thats good to hear

TAKODA: -glances back at them- UM... NOT TO EAVESDROP, BUT 1 TH1NK WE M1GHT HAVE TO PASS THROUGH D.C. ANYWAY... MOST OF THE H1GHWAYS ARE BLOCKED... ER. THERE ARE TOLLS, BUT, 1'VE BEEN AFRA1D TO... SEE WHAT 1T 1S THEY'RE CHARG1NG... TAKODA: BUT WE ARE CLOSE TO THE CAP1TAL... 1 GUESS WE M1GHT AS WELL... STOP THERE... -doesn't seem keen on the idea though-

HIGHBLOOD: to eavesdrop, weren't like it wasn't gonna already get up and goin on, bein in the middle of that route makes shit easier =Dueces from the back=

PENNY: WOOOOOO!!!!

DAVENFORTH: Kill the figureheads and send the heart a message

DAVENFORTH: She can be touched

PENNY: fuck troll booths GO JOHN WILKES BOOTH.

RILEY: -done with eavesdropping apparently- are we assassins now?

MAYOR: -produces a burger King crown and stomps on it on the floor. NO MASTERS. NO KINGS.-

DEREK: Lil dude knows whats up.

PENNY: YEEAAHHH BOIII.

DEREK: -to be fair riley some of us here have always been assassins.-

DAVENFORTH: -Sweats-

RILEY: -WELL I HAVENT-

QIRIN: =she has almost been assassinated several dozen times. does that count as experience?=

RILEY: -aside from assassinating the abstract concepts of family-

PENNY: -YOU DID SUCCEED AT THAT-

QIRIN: =ladies=

PENNY: so whats the plan? how are we doing it?

RILEY: anarchy.

HIGHBLOOD: you'll find the how's always changin sis HIGHBLOOD: best to do it, get it done cause ain't no event can be planned down

DAVENFORTH: Especially not with clowns in the mix

DAVENFORTH: Trust me we got this

PENNY: so were driving the party bus into the White House. got it.

TAKODA: (UHH...)

HIGHBLOOD: hell yeah

DAVENFORTH: Not quite but close

TAKODA: (OH... THAT'S A REL1EF... PROBABLY?)

RILEY: but still with a bang.

TAKODA: ST1LL... 1T WOULD PROBABLY BE ADV1SABLE, 1F WE HAD SOME K1ND OF PLAN, BEFORE WE ROLLED 1NTO THE CAP1TAL... -fidgets nervously-

RILEY: no plan. everyone for themselves. if our plans contradict each other's and we all die, oh well.

HIGHBLOOD: amen sis, everybody's gotta go sometime

RILEY: -oh my god he's being serious-

HIGHBLOOD: :o)

TAKODA: ...

RILEY: that is not actually what i think we should do.

RILEY: just putting that out there.

HIGHBLOOD: =Is he? Who knows= here i was under some mass assumption that the ones all up without alla that gumption and fight experience was gonna leap they asses into the fray wills n nills flung about

DEREK: -snickers. oops.-

RILEY: -unimpressed face at derek-

DEREK: -love u...-

RILEY: -UH HUH-

DEREK: -just winks-

RILEY: -acts like she's pushing her hair out of her face but she is only using her middle finger-

DAVENFORTH: I could probably get in easy enough by myself

DAVENFORTH: Doubt the security is much of anything

HIGHBLOOD: =sNRK, they really aren't much of anything he's sure=

RILEY: don't play the hero. -THIS AINT OVERWATCH AND YOU ARE NOT A BAD GENJI-

DAVENFORTH: Hardly playing hero

RILEY: then who's gonna be your backup?

DEREK: That would be me.

RILEY: then who's going to be YOUR back up?

DAVENFORTH: We got each others backs thats three sixty coverage

DAVENFORTH: We could take molly hes rowdy enough -That's you ghb-

HIGHBLOOD: i was already headed there but i could leave a trail for y'all :oP =eats nachos at=

PENNY: alright well I call dibs on the getaway bus.

RILEY: can we make sure my kid has a dad and an uncle and a...big clown guy by the time we leave D.C.? no stupid reckless shit.

DEREK: Baby please when have I ever been reckless?

PENNY: -side eyes-.........

PENNY: kid?

HIGHBLOOD: =eats these nachos and watches this=

RILEY: all the fucking time. -glances at penny- yeah. kid.

DEREK: --

DAVENFORTH: Pretty sure lif would kill me if i died

PENNY: -she's real quiet now, staring at the floor of the bus.-

RILEY: hilarious. -she notices penny's demeanor change and isn't quite sure why, but figuring out her sister now isn't as easy it was when sadness went away with hugs and singing made her happy-

PENNY: -She's working her jaw and tapping her foot as the seconds and the minutes go by, and then before long she hops up and rushes to the little bus bathroom, clanging the door shut behind her.-

DEREK: -watches her storm off- ... -looks back at riley-

RILEY: -also watches- well, shit.

DAVENFORTH: Damn

ROXANNE: -With the sound of the bus bathroom door shutting she starts to wake up from her nap in the back of the bus. Why people gotta be noisy.-

LIFERA: -probably snuggled up to Roxanne too. It's a cuddle nap party in the back of the bus.-

ROXANNE: -Sits up some more only to have the donuts GHB apparently stacked on her head while she was out topple onto her lap.- ........... -blinks at them.-

ROXANNE: -Also heck, fish queen is adorable, shes taking care not to wake her as she sits up and quietly stretches.-

HIGHBLOOD: =In which case Lifera has donuts on her horns=

ROXANNE: -That... is amusing.- ROXANNE: -Okay time to stretch her legs, she carefully gets up from the back of the bus snuggle pile and moves herself forward towards the rest of the awake people.- ROXANNE: -Sits and dusts donut crumbs off herself.- So. Miss anything interestin'?

DEREK: Only that were gonna storm the white house and assassinate the presidents.

ROXANNE: ....Are we bein' serious or not in saying that?

RILEY: -her mind's a little elsewhere and she keeps having to focus on not looking at the bathroom door.-

ROXANNE: -Maybe Riley needs a nap. Naps are pretty relaxing. Just look how calm Roxanne is right now.-

RILEY: -NOBODY ASKED YOU ROXANNE!!!!!!-

DEREK: I cant believe yall are accusing me left and right of taking such serious subjects lightly. Unbelievable.

ROXANNE: Thats not technically an answer.

ROXANNE: Just want to be clear on whatever plan people are makin' up when im snoozing.

RILEY: baseless accusations. -she's gonna move next to Derek because too many feelings about family right now.-

ROXANNE: -Props her feet up on the empty seat next to her.-

DEREK: -wraps an arm around riley. relax, babe.- For real though thats the plan. DEREK: Were right on the Capitals doorstep. In the middle of a war. The Condesce thinks she can do whatever the fuck she wants with any idiot working under her. DEREK: Might as well send her a message.

RILEY: -leans against him.- they wanna fuck shit up.

ROXANNE: -Mmmmm, she certainly feels conflict over this idea. On one hand, earth is her home and damn right shes all for getting rid of this clown presidency bullshit. However, her biggest priority is to find and get back to her loved ones asap...- 

ROXANNE: I get the sentiment.

ROXANNE: You make it sure sound easy though.

DAVENFORTH: Its just juggalos how hard could it be

ROXANNE:

President

juggalos. Even Trump had protection.

DEREK: Yeah but Derek and Davenforth Strider werent alive back then. -this cocky motherfucker-

ROXANNE: -He is the most cocky.- ROXANNE: Mmmhm.

DEREK: -more winking-

ROXANNE: -Manboy please.-

JODIE: -burps-

ROXANNE: -Side eyes Jodie at the burp.-

JODIE: scuzie.

HIGHBLOOD: blame it on the bubbly sis =he's probably shared faygo with her=

JODIE: i thought y'all would be more anxious to reunite with yer kid.

ROXANNE: I sure am.

ROXANNE: No offense to porrim but my skin has been crawlin' knowin russet is on the ship without at least one of us.

QIRIN: =has she been pacing? yup=

JODIE: sorry...kids.

DAVENFORTH: -Sighs-

RILEY: we are all very far apart i think so... i'm not sure this detour will take away much time at all.

JODIE: yeah. 'caus eoverthrowin the government is really just a pit stop.

ROXANNE: It's goin' to take more time them going straight there.

ROXANNE: Also there is the whole. 

ROXANNE: I dunno' chance of dying?

DAVENFORTH: Jinjin is in good hands besides what were doin is gonna help make a better place for them to grow up

JODIE: do you really think everythin is gonna work out exactly as you plan it to. -just staring flatly-

DEREK: Yep.

ROXANNE: -She's with you Jodie.-

JODIE: i mean you're the ninja's not me.

RILEY: ain't dave in alaska? and dirk is in the black hole of texas.

JODIE: 'sides it hought you all were apart of a crew but i don't see you askin permission.

DAVENFORTH: Im real bad at doing that

ROXANNE: Wow the confidence is unreal. -She's a little salty that Derek isn't more anxious to get back to his kids.-

DAVENFORTH: Ask my nephew

JODIE: sounds like arrogant, poorly planned bs.

JODIE: this is just a testosterone-fest.

JODIE: -snorts-

DAVENFORTH: No this is about sending a fucking message

JODIE: don't try to make it seem all noble. at lesat be honest. haha.

DEREK: -naturally he's anxious to see them, but he's with his brother here...-

RILEY: -watches jodie-

ROXANNE: -Stand up to your brother-

DEREK: -why would he stand up to him when he agrees with him??-

HIGHBLOOD: =Plays tense, appropriate music for the bickering humans. Tramatic muffled trumpet softly in the bg=

DAVENFORTH: This is about telling her that were not standing for this bullshit she knows were coming but shes gonna know were coming with a goddamn vengeance im not gonna let my daughter grow up in the grips of a galaxy that despises her fuckin existence and im damn sure not gonna let her live with the same bullshit ive gone through

JODIE: -sad trombone would be more fitting in her opinion-

DAVENFORTH: If youve got a problem youre welcome to walk

JODIE: i'm just sayin, you can't go around claiming this is the best plan for everyone. it's just the best plan for yer ego.

JODIE: i ain't going anywhere.

JODIE: i don't have any special powers. and i ain't got no leg to stand on when it comes to decision making. i'm barely a crew member.

ROXANNE: Im siding with Jodie on this. ROXANNE: Im really all for taking the ax to this new government, but we've got other issues to deal with first.

ROXANNE: We can meet up with everyone else and regroup an attack later.

DAVENFORTH: You can go too i dont give a shit

ROXANNE: Right now we are spread thin, with no back up, no intell. And like hell you two are doin' it on your own.

JODIE: -just snort laughs.-

JODIE: well, there wasn't no harm in trying. -JUST CHINHANDING.-

DAVENFORTH: Im not askin for backup and im not asking you to be alright with it ill go it alone if i goddamn have to but im not just gonna let this woman have her way with earth like she has every other planet

DAVENFORTH: Shes fucking playing us

DAVENFORTH: Weve lost too much we hold dear

DAVENFORTH: Its her fucking turn

ROXANNE: -Stares straight at Derek like "Can you believe this??"-

JODIE: -shrugalugs at riley and then just sprawls over the bus seat again.-

DEREK: -sorry ro...- We gotta pass through DC regardless so. 

DEREK: Maybe yall dont wanna go with us but aint nothin gonna stop me and him from trying.

QIRIN: | )

ROXANNE: -STARES HARDER.-

DAVENFORTH: Just drop us off fuck it

ROXANNE: Derek. You got one infant girl on a ship hundreds of miles away. ROXANNE: And another unborn baby sittin' right next to you.

ROXANNE: ...Are you actually bein' serious right now???

ROXANNE: You can be as confident as you want but you know going through with that plan means you might Die right?

DAVENFORTH: Third times the charm -Scoffs-

JODIE: if you can't convince em not to do it, you should try to minimize the damage.

QIRIN: >_> =what did u say=

DAVENFORTH: -YOU HEARD HIM-

RILEY: -she doesn't know exactly what to say here. she considers herself stuck either way. There's no winner here. Some of the most stubborn people she knows are in this bus. she sighs, rubbing her own neck-

DEREK: -stfu dave u ain't dying.-

JODIE: -looking at Roxanne- you're a smart lady arentcha. they'd have a better chance of survivin if you helped.

QIRIN: Is the term not "three strikes, you are out"?

ROXANNE: -Side eyes Jodie even more.- Of course im helpin' if he goes through with this stupid plan.

JODIE: cool beans.

DEREK: -scoffs a little. incredible...- 

DEREK: Well yeah Im goin through with it.

ROXANNE: Maybe hopefully he'll realize how crazy this is if both of Russet's parents are at risk--

ROXANNE: -YOU ARE REALLY TESTING HER DEREK.-

RILEY: -while they're talking, she moves Derek's arm off of her and walks off where she sits in the back-

ROXANNE: -Her eyes follow Riley, shes pretty miffed she didn't say anything in this argument.-

JODIE: -she's also judging riley for this tbh-

JODIE: -but she's already accepted her fate. she's doing all she can to help, at least for jamie's sake.-

DAVENFORTH: -He's quiet. Thinking about his two daughters. How condy's reign would mean their literal deaths.-

QIRIN: =She's thinking utter subjugation and ruin of her people=

QIRIN: =though both are not pretty thoughts=

RILEY: -she thinking about history repeating itself and how truly fucked they'll all be this time-

DAVENFORTH: -But he's also thinking about Beforus, Europa, the people here on Earth. How much would it mean to end the figureheads of their subjugation. Would it spur them on to fight? Would Condy's grasp on Earth slip even a little bit?-

JODIE: -She's thinking about how aginst this James would be.-

JODIE: -Sorry charlie!-

JODIE: -If somebody stronger was here in her eplace.-

RILEY: -she wasn't thinking about the consequences much before. but where the hell is she going to have to wait around while all this happens?-

DAVENFORTH: I think everyone who doesnt want in should continue to minnesota

RILEY: -from the back, a little irritated- and wait?

JODIE: no. i'm gonna help. -SPITEFUL-

JODIE: -maybe you get to do this, but she's not going to let you HAVE this-

DAVENFORTH: Thats your choice

DAVENFORTH: You just gonna wait in dc riley

JODIE: -She's liking Davenforth less and less all the time. Stupid jerk.-

RILEY: i don't fucking know. i sure as hell ain't going out of state away from you three while you try to pull this off.

DAVENFORTH: -It's fine he's used to it-

RILEY: i don't want to leave anybody behind.

DAVENFORTH: I respect that

DAVENFORTH: I dont want yall in danger for somethin you didnt sign up for i aint forcin that on anyone but im doin this

ROXANNE: Do you honestly think you would be doing it alone. Not everyone on this bus is okay with letting some of us go on a possible suicide mission.

DAVENFORTH: You should know me by now ro

JODIE: -Snorts.- so charitable.

RILEY: look, if i didn't have a tiny person inside of me, then i'd jump in and help.

ROXANNE: Guess I thought I did. -She shrugs.- 

ROXANNE: Im doin' it with you two, but im not happy 'bout it. Actually Im pretty pissed. 

ROXANNE: We do live through this I'm kicking your asses myself after we get back to the ship.

QIRIN: =clears her throat after a very long time of being quiet= I would like to hear more of this plan of yours if you or...we are to go through with this.

DAVENFORTH: Everyones kicking my ass after this one probably

TAKODA: -all these bad vibes... he's just going to go back to driving since they uh... have a plan now, he guesses. he's mostly uneasy because he knows, as a part of the resistance, they should take an opportunity as it's presented to them...-

RILEY: -rubbing her forehead-

DEREK: -his guilt isn't obvious, but it's definitely there. he doesn't want to endanger anybody here, and it ain't as if he wants to orphan any of his kids, but... sometimes you gotta follow your gut. he's just keeping quiet for now.-

RILEY: -she puts her hood of the jacket she's wearing up and turns so that she's watching everything pass by, damn hormones and emotions making her eyes all watery-

JODIE: -drinks-

RILEY: -IF ONLY SHE COULD-

[cenaynaylovesjesus]

Access June 18th Outline Notes

Share: Pastor Joe from the Singapore site asked us this question. What is something that you are proud of in your life? Why?

Personal Reflection -junior Duchess -valedvictorian. -got to dream college (UT AUSTIN), graduated and got scholarships to fund education. Why am I proud of those goals? I set a goal and stuck with it for the most part.

Greater than what i hold onto. Consider: where do u find your safety, security and success? What do you hold onto?

The One Thing: Give up what you hold onto in vain; Jesus is your real gain.

Luke: 18: 18-23 ESV I. Jesus knows your "one thing" Profile: young rich man is… -young -successful. -entitled position of authority and influence. -educated. -do-gooder. "Good teacher, what must I do ro inherit eternal life?" Vs. 18

What is your actual belief about God?   In Singapore- people have the right answer for everything. 1+1=2. Right thing to say. There is this Asian culture to try to save face You have a different.... Face with family. Face In public Face with friends. Face at work. Americans value freedom of expression.. as long as I express myself that’s what matters. Not as much freedom to express what you honestly feel in Singapore and Asia in general.

It’s hard to know what people’s actual belief’s about God is because there is this culture of saving face. What is your actual belief about God? Jesus starts to reveal what he actually believes. Jesus asks.. why do u call me good? No one is good except God alone. God defines what is good alone. Do u really know and believe I am God?

The young rich guy: tells Jesus “I have kept the ten commandments since i was young.” Modern day rendition: “I I I think that I am good, and i am going to jesus for him to affirm me as a good guy…” “Don’t you see those 17 gold stars i saw in kindergarten. The rich guy was insecure..  genuinely curious. The way he responds is a little defensive explaining himself insisting on his own goodness.

Pastor Joe: For many years i felt like i was a good kid. I did all the right things.. knew all the right answers. Jesus revealed the mans actual belief. This is your one thing in life. He was sad, because he had a great number of treasures.

***The rulers actual beliefs: Good things, come to good people by their own good efforts.

**This mans actual one thing (God) My own accomplishments and gains.

Sometimes it takes faith to recieve Gods gift.

Pastor Joe: “Some of you use church as a cover for your unfaithfulness. Send me Lord... why? I was running away. I was such a perfectionist that i hesitated to turn in papers on time. Man... i don’t care about what ppl think but I care what ppl think.

Have you ever been uncomfortable trying to follow God? I don’t want to do this... Im so dry.. God just disagreed with you. Have you ever walked away from God but ever walked away feeling sad? You are here present but you heart is not.

What is that one thing? That thing u have to give up.

What is your one thing? God has revealed to you that you have put your trust in? Your true idol for safety, security? Success?

When Jesus isn't your one thing, Jesus just becomes an add-on in your life to make you feel more affirmed?

I placed my church inv. At my significance. Person came in late to access and judges them for being late. I refused to address outside of Jesus. I tried desperately to find my significance in anything and everything even in good things like the church.

The young ruler found his safety and security in things other than Jesus. When we surrender to God we are so focused on the losing part we dont realize what we are gaining. I wonder if he was insecure and didnt know the steadfast love of God was greater than anything else in this world.

What the young man should have responded.. is i have no good apart from God. Psalm 16: 1-2.

“The deepest, tenderest place in the heart of God is reserved for sinners who can offer him nothing but their need.” Ray Ortlund.

II. Jesus is worth surrendering to Read Luke 18: 24-27 The disciples told Jesus “you just turned away your prime candidate.” This guys has been to OCR b4 ocring, and been to every OCR, participated in Freshman missions, did Csmp and now going on asian missions. This rich guy “Hes done it all. Hes the ultimate bachelor. If not him.. who is good enough?”

***Our idolatry makes it impossible to follow Jesus and gain eternal life. Marriage is an exclusive committed relationship. Even if you are the most hard working person in life.. if its not Jesus your pursuit..  then at some point you may turn away.

Jesus is the only good one.. its on his goodness that we stand upon.

Ask yourself: Is there anything you feel like you deserve more of? Have you been obsessed with your competence, reputation, or ranking amongst others? Have you been experiencing a loss that u need to grieve over? Is there something youve gained that you feel you need to hold onto? Is there something you dont want to pray about?

A lot of seniors.. What r u doing after graduation.. idk.. stop asking me. Its embarrassing just to say IDK. Like an essay you are dragging out that you don't know. Second, Third, 4th friend all get jobs.. First friend.. you are happy.. But you think what about me God?

Come to LG you have job.. Praise God it was a gift to me.. yes lord it was a gift praise God..i can be a missionary in my field. 4 months in and your like i hate work.. it stinks.

We always challenge graduates to give your first paycheck to step out in faith.

Students esp... im telling you its harder and harder to give up your all. As a bachelor.. all i have is time.. married.. i hesitate.. Becuase of my Baby boy.. As you get more sucessful you gain more.. the more you gain the harder it is to give and hold up.

***Is Jesus really worth it? Jesus makes eternal life worth it.  .. not by yourself but by the work of God. Vs. 27   He makes it possible to say and do good works.. overflow of good works. Ephesians 2:8-10

Read Luke 18:28 Surrender to Jesus is complete. Surrender to Jesus is continual. In order for it to be complete but continual.

J.D. Greer Surrender starts with the realization that... I would gladly give it all. Surrender means coming to God with open hands and open heart. Am I fully surrendered?

Following Jesus doesn't have anything with your current profession.. its something deeper than that. Regardless of what your doing.. what and where.

Jesus is worth it all. Paul.. whatever I had i counted as a loss for the sake of Christ.

I was so dedicated to the middle East in the military I even came up with the... Four Ms Missions in Military for Muslims in Middle East - genuine prayer at first. Camp Greenly. Rifle in my hand and training.. shooting at target. God spoke to me to pray... Vivid image of when i gave my life a few years prior.. ive been pining my hopes in marine corps. I took pride in it.. over the years.. i put my safety security and significance in military. I took out loans.. forgive all loans if you sign up for more years.   I had stopped turning to the Lord as my providor. My lord i give up marine corp.. Hehe.  I see what u are doing..   Go to county called dajbootie. Narrowed down list.. Ok lord send me. My name wasnt called. Lord.. what is it that you want me to do? Those good things had become my one thing. Whole season pray through.. hopinh whatever you want to do.. show me and ill follow.

God opened door.. miracle provision for transformation center. Month later.. Months later pastor Andrew.. asked me to get inv. With church.. Month after that sent pastor ben. Month after that first int. Church plant.. 6 months. God showed me this is what I'm doing. Person challenged me.. what y Fast and pray about it.. I think, I think God was calling me to be a Pastor..

Went with Jakarta for a year.   That was a hard year. Christ was probing my heart what my one thing really was... Are we even listening to what the Lord has to say.

Psalm 27:4 Intimacy from God was Davids one thing.

Helen H. Lemmel

One thing: Give up what you hold onto in vain; Jesus is your real gain. Life Application: I release............. My reward is Christ alone.

Reflection: I think for me, I doubt that God wants me to give up on being an AuD. I just don’t think that’s what God want’s for me, but I think He is wanting me to surrender my timeline, by not getting into grad school this year, it kind of screws up my 10 year plan, but maybe one more year in Austin is just what I need to help transform me into a missionary not only as a worker in the workplace, but also as a student, in all areas of my life. 10+1 year timeline here we go. Also if you get a chance, please watch Pastor Joe’s from Singapore’s preaching. He’s such as hilarious pastor, he’s so sassy, in speaking truth to people’s lives, he calls them out on their bluff.