#i just feel like the way kira and odo met sets up SO much of their dynamic............ | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

helisol · 4 years ago

Text

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,,

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi!

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second.

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs”

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose.

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right?

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer. and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right?

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo.

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person.

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me” for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo.

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

#the SOUND of my HEAD hitting my DESK with TERMINAL VELOCITY #quodo #star trek

192 notes · View notes

oathkeeper-of-tarth · 4 years ago

Text

After The Dawn

Hello, hello! I am indeed still around, and sometimes even do non-work-related stuff. About, oh, 2 years ago, this got sent in as a prompt, so have a little 4 times + 1 thing, for the occasion of me processing my recent DS9 comfort-rewatch (by which I of course mean “mostly spending a lot of time gazing adoringly at Kira Nerys and crying”). As far as I recall, I’ve never actually posted anything from my giant decade plus WIP pile of Trek stuff, so this is a first - I hope it doesn’t disappoint.

The prompt was “five different sunlights”. So here are five snapshots of Kira Nerys from joining the resistance to DS9 and beyond, ~4400 words. Veers into Kira/Jadzia because I’m hilariously predictable. Also includes brief appearances by (in order): Lupaza, Furel, Shakaar, Damar, Garak, Kaksidy, and Jake. Mentions of several others.

Contains discussion of the occupation of Bajor and canon character deaths, but nothing explicit I can think of to warn about.

---

After The Dawn

1. 2356

The raid was long over but her fingers still shook – cold, always because of the cold, never from fear. Every so often they would twitch more decisively, as if recalling the sensation of the phaser rifle she was just barely big enough to hold jerking to life in her grip. But then they’d travel to her right ear of their own accord, tracing the lines of her new earring. A proper d’ja pagh all of her own, with the symbol of the Kira family emblazoned in the metal – echoing the beautiful engraving she’d always admired on her father’s.

Lupaza had worked through the night to make it for her, by the feeble light of one of their few still-working heaters, with skill that seemed otherworldly to Kira (who, though by far the youngest among them, knew better than to ask about anyone’s life before joining a resistance cell). Lupaza, who had looked at the scrawny thirteen-year-old hanging around their camp, and who’d chosen to believe in her, and speak up for her. Who’d presented her handiwork to ‘their newest member’ at sunrise, during the change of guard at the mouth of their current cavern hideout, letting the winter light glimmer on its silvery surface for all to see. And Kira had beamed at her, not caring about who’d been around to witness it or how young it may have made her look.

I’m in the Resistance, she wanted to shout over and over again until the reality truly set in, flooded and near-overwhelmed by the newfound sense of belonging and pride and brightly burning defiance mixing in her chest.

Again and again her fingers went – over the cuff hugging the shell of her ear snugly, down the single deceptively delicate chain, to the simple but beautiful main piece. She could almost believe it was still warm to the touch, heated by the orange-glow burn of Bajor’s atmosphere on Cardassian hull metal – made from stolen Bajoran ore, mined with stolen Bajoran labour. It was only right and just that it be returned this way. The rest of the beritium hull salvage they’d stripped from the ship would be used for lining the walls of their hideout, shielding them from sensor sweeps and the bite of the winter cold alike. But this small bit of it was a shield all Kira’s own.

It was a comforting presence, a slight but grounding weight with a depth of meaning that its size belied. Lupaza smiled at her fascination and distraction every time she happened to pass by, promising she’d get used to it. Furel agreed, for once without a trace of a joke in his voice, and slapped a hand on her bony shoulder with a gruff: “You’ve more than earned it, kid.”

Shakaar himself, in between whatever it was his leaderly duties entailed, took a moment to consider her. “It suits you,” was all he said on the matter, though if he meant the earring or the phaser Kira had for the first time stuck in her own belt instead of giving it back after cleaning was anyone’s guess. Then, turning to leave, he added, “Good job out there.”

There was something like sadness behind all of their eyes. Kira chose not to see it, or dwell on it.

She was in the Resistance.

She didn't even know if any of her (many) shots during the ambush had found their mark, but it didn't seem to matter. She could, she would help protect her father and his little garden, scrounged up, cobbled together, but growing. Protect her remaining brother, for the one she had failed to. She would honour her mother, the bravest woman I've ever known, Nerys. She saved us all, at great cost to herself.

Whenever her fingers floated back down and twitched for want of a rifle trigger again, she told herself to be patient. There would be more work for her, more chances to be useful, more chances to prove herself. No more sitting idly by, and no more fear.

2. 2369

Even after weeks on the station Kira had yet to manage to sleep through an entire night, but she sincerely doubted it was the bed's fault. Sure, the Cardassian-designed beds in the Cardassian-designed quarters on the Cardassian-designed station left much to be desired, but they certainly beat the ground of a half-frozen cave. And yet here she was, with endless damn bunking arrangements as one of the most frequently brought-up complaints among the crew body. Why and how those PADDs always seemed to end up on her desk was anyone's guess. She'd been prepared for a more administrative role, yes, but…

“The time is oh-six-hundred hours,” the computer helpfully informed her.

Kira huffed, and tossed aside another PADD with a blinking Request denied, then shrugged on her uniform jacket and made to leave her quarters for a quick breakfast.

It was still an odd thought that took getting used to: her quarters – hers alone; a viewport in the bulkhead, allowing her to see the stars and, when the rotation was right, Bajor’s own familiar sun from a very new perspective. Regular meals thanks to Federation engineers patching up Cardassian replicators and whipping them into shape. Shops and eateries opening on the Promenade. The ruinous mess the Cardassians left behind them slowly coming together again into something functional. Kira permitted herself a wry twist of the mouth at the thought – hopefully the planet the station had formerly orbited could manage to do the same.

The discovery of the wormhole brought fascinating, colourful crowds to the station so quickly and in such volumes, she didn't envy Odo at all. Even the small segment of the Promenade she saw on her way from her quarters to the replimat was enough to reinforce, every morning, that this was no longer Terok Nor: grey in every way imaginable, filled with throngs of terrified, beaten-down Bajoran workers and their Cardassian overseers, delighting in the former’s disposability.

The small but lively, chattering crowd in the replimat seemed to underscore all of her thoughts – no more waiting in line for gruel with the exhausted shift that had just left ore processing.

“Good morning!”

Instead, a friendly Federation face. The pattern of spots that ran down the sides of Lieutenant Dax’s face and down her neck was fascinating to Kira still – not Bajoran, and certainly not the grey, flared bony Cardassian necks that had made up most of Kira's world up until not so very long ago. She had to stop herself from staring often, even though, judging by that smirk, the Lieutenant did not seem to mind. She appeared to relish attention in general, of all kinds. Kira ducked her head, and tried to focus on the replicator instead.

“Something wrong? Quark interfering with the menus again?” Dax was right behind her, peeking over her shoulder, eyebrow raised, and smiling. Somehow she always seemed to be doing that.

“Oh, no, nothing like that, thankfully. Still not quite used to this, is all.” She shuffled her feet and made no real move to complete an order.

“Hm. Well, if I may, Major, I’d recommend the raktajino for early morning starts like this.”

“Raktajino?” Kira repeated oafishly, biting back the Early!? her mind had immediately supplied.

“Klingon coffee. Try it – I think you’ll like it.”

Kira was sceptical, but Dax seemed to be very sincere – so after a few button presses she found herself holding a large mug of something hot, dark, and quite thick. She wrinkled her nose and took a sip.

“It’s, uh… strong.”

“Hits the spot, right?”

The crooked, almost sly smile on the Lieutenant’s face was contagious. Kira didn’t even feel like bringing up growing up under an occupation-enforced famine as an excuse for her own lack of a developed or sophisticated palate or culinary taste in general.

The drink did have a real kick to it, and Kira took another sip. “Yeah, it does.”

“Just don’t go overboard with them – let me tell you, I made some grave mistakes there right after I became a host. Curzon,” Dax smirked, shaking her head, then waved at the table they’d found themselves next to. “Mind if I join you?”

Kira thought about it, but only for a moment.

“Not at all, Lieutenant.”

And ah, there it was then, as soon as they sat down: the small, incessant, bitter sting of you knew what they were doing to us and you sat by and did nothing that insisted on making itself known at very inopportune times. It was, however, becoming more bearable by the day and with every individual met, every new reassurance that they were here now, despite everything, to make a good start. Together.

When the Cardassians came they were helpful and charming too, nagged the little voice at the back of her mind. But this couldn’t be like that, and just looking at Dax was enough to… well, perhaps Kira was being a naive fool, but there seemed to be ground to build here, and she found herself willing to try. And after all, she knew she herself was ready to do anything, to lay her life down for Bajor. She just needed to be pointed the right way – or, rather, she needed to be able to point herself the right way. Now that knowing who the enemy was and who the enemy could turn out to be had gotten more complicated. Still, if nothing else: she wouldn’t let it be a repeat of anything, and she was prepared to be a thorn in anyone’s side, Federation or provisional government or otherwise, for as long as was necessary.

“You seem to be mulling over something grim already. Everything alright?”

The concern was genuine enough, but Kira had no idea how to even begin to explain all of it, even if she’d wanted to.

“Just thinking about some complaints about quarters I need to handle,” she lied smoothly – or what she hoped was smooth, anyway.

Dax caught on, and backed off. Lifetimes of experience to thank – or perhaps Kira was just that easy to read. A transcript of Trakor’s annotated ninth prophecy just waiting on a lectern, as Lupaza would say.

“Sure. Let me know if I can help.”

“With station admin? Aren’t you a science officer?”

“Absolutely. But it's in all our best interests to get this place running as smoothly as possible as fast as possible, right?”

Kira narrowed her eyes at her, entirely unconvinced. “Right.”

“Fine,” Dax threw her hands up in the air in a very silly, exaggerated gesture, “I admit it, I’m after juicy gossip. There’s bound to be quarter reassignment requests in there! What could be juicier?”

Kira couldn’t help but bark out a laugh, then. “You are ridiculous.”

Dax grinned right back. “Glad to be of help. Let’s get to Ops, you can tell me all about it on the way.”

When Kira got to her feet, both she herself and the entire day – if it could truly be called that on a space station – felt somehow lighter already.

3. 2372

It was swelteringly hot under the sun of some new, as of yet unnamed planet, in the midst of a survey mission that had already gone on longer than scheduled. Hardly Kira’s idea of a good – or productive – time.

The place was an unpleasant dustbowl broken up by stray glass-encrusted rock here and there, and Kira was surrounded by a bunch of bustling, tricorder-armed Starfleet explorer types she would have sneered at, not so long ago – but many of whom she’d now consider fast friends. She’d hardly consider herself an ideal choice for helming this particular mission, but Sisko had been insistent, and so here she was. It would appear that, if nothing else, it gave her time to indulge in reverie – a truly rare occurrence.

The unfamiliar stars of the Gamma Quadrant, unimaginably far from everything she’d ever known, could now be reached within seconds, thanks to the wormhole – more proof of how the Prophets kept looking out for Bajor in sometimes quite unexpected ways. And Kira, as Bajor’s official representative on the mission, was determined to do her best to facilitate and build upon their efforts.

“Take a look at this, Major!” It was Dax calling her over, her tricorder beeping over some bizarre green-magenta form of plant life she found beneath a rocky outcrop a little off the not-so-alien dirt path Kira was stomping down.

“What've you got for me, Lieutenant?”

“Some kind of elaborate root system stretches on for more than a kilometer underground, running beneath the very acidic soil, with an impressive – and perfectly symmetrical – array of large tubers.”

Kira shot the sensor readings a look. “Huh, could’ve fed a whole resistance cell for an entire winter on nothing but a few of those.”

She frowned as soon as the words left her mouth – Jadzia Dax, decorated Starfleet science officer and dedicated, studious initiate who’d earned the approval of the strict Trill Symbiosis Commission, certainly hadn’t had such prosaic, practical implications of her findings in mind. For a very, very brief moment, Kira felt a sting of embarrassment – but then her mind snapped decisively back into its standard guarded, resolute position: she had nothing to be embarrassed about.

Dax, as had somehow become a somewhat frustrating habit of hers, seemed to be able to encompass Kira’s entire internal dialogue with a glance. But somehow she did it… gently, without making Kira feel small or inadequate in any way. No smug Starfleet superiority here, even with all the accumulated bragging rights of all the lifetimes under her belt. And – perhaps most importantly – no trace of pity to be found. Instead, a wellspring of enthusiasm.

“Their composition is interesting, I agree. Starchy, and rich in several key proteins – this has potential for significant contributions to agriculture. I bet Keiko will love to get her hands on this – see what she can set up in one of the hydroponics bays.”

Her smile was as bright as the orange-tinted light of the unfamiliar sun, but Kira took up the challenge of matching it.

Jadzia leaned in, almost conspiratorially, “Help me catalogue it?”

“I, uh, don’t really know what the procedure–”

“No worries, I’ll walk you right through it. It’s fun!” Kira’s scepticism must have been written all over her face. “I swear it is! I’m not just saying that, you’ll see.”

“Not to mention,” Jadzia winked, “it’ll get us under some nice shade and right next to a cooling unit.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“And you love it.”

Kira couldn’t disagree.

4. 2375

The weak, grey light of Cardassia Prime’s sun filtered through the slits in the cellar windows – if they could even be called that.

Another very literally bleak dawn. No contact with the Federation. No hope of reinforcements, or extraction, or help of any kind. Negligible chances of news from Deep Space 9, of the fleet, of Odo’s health, of anything at all. And here, far behind enemy lines, Kira and her unlikely comrades presumed dead, their network of allies and carefully-hidden carefully-built-up resources destroyed, all three (three) survivors hidden away in the capital of a people she’d once have termed her worst enemies, relying on the goodwill of an old woman.

Kira, a veteran of hopeless causes, had been in worse spots – but not many.

Whatever Damar’s less… pleasant compatriots had thought, she found no joy in any of it. Not even a flutter of satisfaction at all the irony the situation was positively dripping with. It was enough that it meant that twice now she’d been witness to oppression and destruction on an immense scale – civilisation-ending, one might term it. It was wearing, and wearying, no matter who it happened to.

Would she have cheered for the destruction of Cardassia as little as a handful of years ago? Perhaps, if it would have meant Bajor being left alone. The moral quandary aspect certainly wasn’t something she wanted to be thinking about at the moment.

While the others seemed to still be asleep, Kira lay on her back on one of the thin blankets Mila had provided them, and thumbed almost idly through a list of signals intercepted nearby, identifying potential sabotage targets. There were still things three people with extremely limited resources could do to make themselves useful - or disruptive, depending on your perspective.

Two Jem’Hadar barracks complexes (a hatchery would be better, and far less dangerous). A comms central (they might not have the proper tools available to make it truly worth the risk). Long-term storage warehouses (they needed to maximise short-term effects on the Dominion occupiers, not minimise the chances of Cardassia’s eventual recovery). Weapons manufacturing plants (tempting security gaps during shift changes, but still far too well-guarded for the three of them to take on alone). A power distribution junction (...remote, potentially high-impact, and definitely worth looking into). Kira made a note to ask Garak for any further details he could muster about it.

She should have, perhaps, been saving her strength, getting what rest she could while she could. Restless, that was what she was, even with all her experience and her awareness that so, so much of a resistance fight was simply spent waiting, biding time. With another brief glance around the murky room, she gave up even the pretense of repose, and got up to stretch her legs and pace out her nerves.

Garak was asleep in his corner, or at least pretending to be. Whatever suited his purposes best.

“Commander,” came a low murmur from the other side of the room: Damar, sitting up on his own improvised bed, very much awake. The Starfleet rank still sounded strange to her, but Kira could appreciate the way Damar made sure to respect it from the start, and never allowed himself a slip. “There’s something I’ve wanted to talk to you about. If you have a moment.”

“Somehow I have both far too much and far too little time these days. What is it?” She asked quietly, stepping closer, though the chances of Garak actually sleeping through whatever their conversation was going to be were negligibly low – as were the chances of him ‘waking up’ before they were done.

“I know it might not make much difference. And I do not ask for your forgiveness, or understanding. But I wanted – no, needed to tell you this. I'm sorry – for what I did to Ziyal.”

Her mood miraculously sank even lower. “For murdering her, you mean,” Kira didn’t even try to hold back the bite, nor had she ever been one for softening any blows.

Damar’s lips twisted. “You are right to call it what it was. Hiding from the truth won’t accomplish anything anymore. I killed her, and I deeply regret it.”

Kira said nothing, and Damar continued. “I’m not asking you for anything, believe me. But I hope… she can become a herald, of sorts. Her presence can live on in our alliance, a spirit of cooperation, and a new dawn for both our peoples.”

It was hardly the first time Damar made her think there could be a future for Cardassia after everything, one of reinvention and coexistence. Even Kira, with her underdeveloped imagination (Jadzia's efforts notwithstanding – ah, there was the stab of that hastily half-handled grief), could let herself imagine it.

Kira nodded, and pursed her mouth. Forgiveness wasn’t something she felt was hers to give, even if she wanted to. Maybe it wasn’t anyone’s.

“Nice speech, Damar,” she said, flatly. Ground out, almost. “It’ll be good for you, to’ve had the practice.” Then, after a moment of consideration of what she was prepared to give: “I hope I'll get to hear you make more of those someday soon. And I hope Cardassia will get to hear them, too.”

It only took another tragically small circle paced before the weight in the room became unbearable. Kira decided to make for their somewhat improvised refresher and what little privacy could be scrounged up – and caught Garak watching her, lying motionless but as alert as ever.

She silently met his eyes, then turned away.

5. 2376

The first day of her long-awaited leave dawned beautiful and clear. It seemed a small thing, to be sure – but perhaps the Prophets, prompted by their Emissary, had had a hand in making it so. No matter the reason, the sun shone on a Bajor that was growing prosperous and whole in ways Kira had feared it wouldn’t ever be again.

The document that had just brought peace to two quadrants of the galaxy was called the Treaty of Bajor. There was talk, increasingly common and growing louder, of reactivating Bajor's suspended Federation membership application, and Kira had been made aware of the validity of her Starfleet field commission and the implications on her future career. The Vedek Assembly would be announcing their choice of the new Kai within the week. The soil beneath her feet was healthy, fertile, fully reclamated and ready for planting. There were now schoolchildren on Bajor who had never lived under the occupation.

And there was Kira, who had helped liberate it, and hadn’t lived on it since.

This was the first time she’d returned to her home planet after the formal end of hostilities with the Dominion, and all that that had entailed. The light of B’hava’el was strong but not harsh – the same sun Kira had spent most of her life under, but that had never hit her more differently than it felt now. B’hava’el, that she had now seen from so much closer and so much further away – had, in a horrifying, memorable incident, helped prevent the destruction of, even. Her! Not just scrappy little Nerys from the Shakaar resistance cell anymore, small enough to slip through narrow passages in the labyrinthine caves of the Dahkur province and gaps in the Cardassian sensor nets alike.

She was Colonel Kira Nerys, commander of Deep Space 9, and, as a dear lost friend had made sure she was aware a while ago, a public figure in her own right. Ah– her own importance was something she would need to confront some other time, perhaps, right after she somehow went head to head with her grief. Ezri had been dropping some suggestions, in her capacity as a counselor, for all of the senior staff and beyond. It would be foolish not to consider her recommendations, both as the commanding officer and as a friend.

Kira was well aware she had lost so much and so many. And she could sit down and catalogue the losses on a PADD, like freighter cargo inventory, but what for? She had gained, too, and lost again, and gained yet more. Like waves and eddies, pulling along a lightship on its way through the stars.

“Prophets help me if I try being a poet, too,” Kira mumbled to herself. Maybe she would take up writing tortured metaphors about the Prophets watching over and guiding ancient Bajoran star sailors on their journey all the way to Cardassia, for better or worse.

A stray breeze toyed with the chain of her earring, carrying the scent of ripening moba fruit, and as she crested the hill, the outline of a house well under construction came into view.

“I'm sorry, what was that?” Kasidy asked from just behind her, Jake right at her side, holding her arm.

“Just thinking aloud. Nothing important. Anyway… where did you want to start?”

Her two companions caught up to her quickly enough. The gasps of surprised joy at the sight of all the progress that had been made on the house were by themselves more than worth the trip planetside.

“Well,” Kasidy began, “we have all the plumbing specifications and details all worked out thanks to the local architect you recommended – thanks again, by the way. I think… the kitchen should be first.”

It was an obvious tribute. A longing and anticipation there, too. Kira's heart ached just a bit stronger then, for a beat or two. She nodded, scrolling down a PADD loaded with floor plans and interior concepts. “I know some people who can help with that, too. Ceramics and pottery artisans, and a few others. I’ve got some favours to call in.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Kasidy started, but didn’t get too far.

“Yes I do, Kas. We’re going to see this through, and we’re going to see it done properly.”

“Only the best for the Emissary?” Jake asked, pointedly. There wasn’t bitterness there, though Kira would have understood it, and perhaps expected it, from a young man longing for the return of his father.

“For a dear friend and his family,” Kira corrected. “But – yes, I’m sure they’ll be happy and honoured to contribute. Now, Julian and Ezri will be down with the next transport, just in time to meet us for dinner in the village. We have a few hours to handle things here, check on the progress so far, make notes – any complaints or requests you might have. Remember, I’m here to make sure they listen to you.”

They started down the path into the almost startlingly green valley, Kira catching herself marvelling along the way at the visibility of all the growth and healing made possible by the hard, dedicated work of so many. Who knew what could be in store for an old civilisation of artists, architects, and philosophers, forced to reinvent itself, and the sometimes tenuous connections to vast stretches of heritage that Kira herself had grasped at in various ways for most of her life, born into struggle and desperate, determined rebellion, like so many others.

Well. Nothing to stop her from trying her hand at poetry, after all.

She felt her lips twist wryly at the private joke – she knew her place and her strengths. And she thought she could say she knew herself, too – precious knowledge, by any accounting. She knew there'd be no rest for her, not really, as long as there was something to be done for Bajor, and for her station, and for her unlikely family, wherever they might end up, scattered among and beyond the stars.

But Kira allowed herself a moment, gazing up in what she imagined might be the direction of the wormhole’s entrance.

#kira nerys #star trek #ds9 #deep space nine #fandom: oath to the prophets #oathkeeper writes things #fanfiction #my fic #this is far from polished but #I'M PROCESSING #bless you angry space wife #always and forever #i'm also gonna tag the #kiradax #though i was using #jadzia x kira #really struggling to properly tag this

31 notes · View notes

antimatterpod · 5 years ago

Text

Transcript - 46. #MeToo - Terok Nor

Liz here! Thanks to Covid ("thanks”), I’m either wildly busy, all day, every day, or I have hours and hours of spare time to fill.

I hate feeling unproductive, but I’m also a bit creatively drained right now, so I’m using that time to transcribe our back catalogue, going from new episodes to old. (And skipping, for now, episodes about Discovery and Picard episodes as they aired, which are more time sensitive and prone to becoming outdated than our regular two-weekly eps.)

I was a professional transcriber before I was a secretary/legal assistant, so I’m pretty happy with my accuracy levels, but you should know that I make corrections where one of us has clearly misspoken, and also tidy up some of the false starts and interruptions in our conversations, so that it’s easier to read.

[theme music]

Anika: Welcome to Antimatter Pod, a Star Trek podcast where we discuss fashion, feminism, subtext and subspace, hosted by Anika and Liz. Today we're talking about episode 8 of season 5 of Deep Space 9: "Things Past".

Liz: And we have to thank Jules for suggesting this. And I definitely thought fondly of her as we open with Garak basically being an alt-right troll.

Anika: [laughs]

Liz: To summarise the episode, for those who didn't watch it, uh, this episode sees Sisko, Dax, Odo and Garak returning from a history conference on Bajor -- why these four people, I don't know -- where Garak is outraged that no one wanted to debate him about his so-called 'alternative interpretation' of the Occupation, and where Odo was hailed as a hero.

Just as they're about to return, something or other happens, and all four of them end up in a coma, but those characters themselves wake up six or seven years earlier, during the Occupation.

Anika: Nine.

Liz: I forgot the numbers. And there was confusion! Because--

Anika: Yeah, they think it's nine, but then it's eight, or -- I don't know. It was very strange. But that's not important.

Liz: No. The important thing is that they've been thrust into the roles of a group of Bajorans who were executed for an attempt on the life of Gul Dukat, and the man in charge of the investigation is a Cardassian civilian named Thrax, who reminds one of a certain shapeshifter. Who, by the way, is not at all coping with events.

And along the way, we learn that -- turns out Odo was kind of a collaborator, and also Quark's business practices are really terrible, and it's a miracle that he's allowed to operate in Bajoran space. And it turns out the Occupation … was bad.

Anika: Yep. And Dukat was slimy all the way through.

Liz: Oh, well, we knew that. But it's just seeing it, again, and again, and again.

Anika: Yep.

Liz: [dramatic sigh] I make it sound like this episode? I did. I just felt like we didn't need to know right away that the characters were physically in a coma on present-day Deep Space 9. Like, that took a lot of the mystery out of it.

Anika: Yeah. Honestly, I don't think I did like this episode.

Liz: [laughs]

Anika: I'll just start with that.

Liz: Yeah?

Anika: I found it, like, boring. Most of it was boring. It might be because of the whole framing -- they could have taken it out and done more with what was going on.

Liz: Yeah, the tension and the mystery of what's happening to them.

Anika: So that it -- yeah, so that it wasn't just very -- I mean, maybe I knew what was going to happen. I definitely have seen it before, because I remembered it being weird, I remember it being, like, why are they in Bajoran bodies? But they're not? But it's the -- and I knew, because you say it, like, five or six times on the podcast, that Odo's a collaborator.

Liz: [happily] Mm hmm!

Anika: So I knew that was gonna come up.

Liz: [laughs]

Anika: So maybe I was just, like -- because I knew the twist, I wasn't into the mystery? But also, I think they just didn't build it up at all. Like, Sisko did nothing. Garak was just sort of there, being Garaky.

Liz: But an unusually assholey version of Garak.

Anika: Yeah, yeah, especially Garaky. Like, he was Garak to the max.

Liz: GARAK TO THE MAX! Guitar squeal.

Anika: And Odo just moped the entire time, and I just wanted to -- I was just not into Odo at all. And Dax was the best, and she had, like, five minutes of screentime. So it was very -- it was just sort of like -- I dunno, I like the idea of, or the purpose of the episode. I think that it had a lot of interesting questions that they had just started to get to answering, and then it was over.

Liz: Yeah. I found it interesting to watch, because I had forgotten the twist that this is actually all "Odo's dream". And I thought it was a trap set -- like, a psychic trap set to torture Odo by a survivor, or someone who remembered what he had done. So I was disappointed by that "it was all a dream" twist. I think that's always weaksauce, and in this case, it was just particularly disappointing. "Odo's conscience is bothering him!"

But what I liked was Thrax, this Cardassian who turns out to be Odo, is -- he's played by Kurtwood Smith. And it's such a good performance, because he's his own character, but there are these tiny moments where he sounds like Rene Aubergenois. And he moves like Odo. And just these tiny hints that I really appreciated, because I remembered that twist, that Odo was the security chief who had these people executed.

Anika: Mm. I think that part was -- but that's something that could have been -- there could have been more of that.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: And less of other stuff.

Liz: Yeah. I think Jules was right, last week, when she said this episode came too late in the series. Because I think this was a perfect season 2 episode, and should have held the place of "Necessary Evil", the so-called "noir episode" with black and white flashbacks to the Occupation, and a sexy widow and femme fatale, and all that. And Kira in her Resistance ponytail -- which is always delightful, but I think this story, and the revelations in it, needed to come much, much sooner in the series. And even Garak's behaviour felt more in line with him in season 2 than Garak in season 5.

Anika: Yeah. Like you said, Garak to the max. So I don't love Garak the way that all of fandom loves Garak. This is the episode of Anika's unpopular opinions! But--

Liz: Look, there's a reason we don't talk about Deep Space 9 as much as other series.

Anika: [laughs] But this episode, he was just smug and annoying. But I will say that the one interesting part of the entire episode was when he was basically saying that Bajorans were made to be servants, and are just naturally lower. That was interesting, because it was clearly, like, the Cardassian party line. It's like, that's what he learned in second grade. And so--

Liz: Yes.

Anika: Even though he's met Bajorans who don't fit that, and even though he is trying to learn and grow as a person, he falls back on that. Like, that is his ingrained belief, clearly from childhood. And that was interesting to me! But that was, like, a throwaway line.

Liz: I think it was more than a throwaway line! Because then there's Odo -- or "Thrax" -- Thrax's remark, which must have come from Odo originally, that Bajorans need to accept their place in history as a footnote, and servants to the Cardassians. And drawing a parallel between Odo and Garak, I think, was a really interesting idea. And it didn't quite come out, I think, as neatly or clearly as it could have.

Anika: Yeah.

Liz: But it highlighted to me that Odo is -- "Oh, he's such an outsider, he never took sides!" But he absolutely had a place in the hierarchy, and he was very well aware of it! He was below the Cardassians, but well above the Bajorans. And this makes sense, because, I think, to have the facilities he did, Dr Mora must have been a collaborator. And knew that Odo sort of spent his early years doing party tricks for Cardassians. Like, it makes sense that this is who Odo is. But, as always, it troubles me that they never really grapple with it beyond the occasional very special episode.

Anika: Right. I think that's what it is. This seemed very, "We're going to talk about these interesting ideas of the--" you know, what it was like to be in the Occupation for all of these other characters. For Quark, and for Odo, and for the people who are not actively involved in it, who are not Bajorans or Cardassians. But that's not really what happened.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: It was just sort of, like, "We're gonna wave at the idea of this story that could happen, but we're not gonna really grapple with any of those thoughts."

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: I mean, part of it is, if they did, then they would be stuck with Odo and Quark being main-cast characters who we still have to see every week and like, and care about, and be invested in. And it's harder to make those characters lovable when you do something like that. But I would have appreciated them more if they had. Both the show and the characters. Like, Odo and Quark are never going to be my favourites. They weren't, and they're not. But -- I don't know.

Liz: And I think, from a 21st century perspective, we can say, not every character in an ensemble has to be "likable" or "lovable".

Anika: Right.

Liz: And there's a real disconnect between what we know Odo and Quark have done, and the consequences and the way the story treats them. And Garak, too. And even Dukat is only -- the only thing that stood between Dukat and a canonical relationship with Kira was Nana Visitor going, "Uh, yeah, no, that's gonna happen."

Anika: "That's gross."

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: Yeah. So Dukat -- coming off of our last episode, where we really talked about Dukat, I was sort of into his smarminess. I was like, "Okay, I get why he--" because he's still charming! Like, he's horrible, and I hate him, but he's still charming. And it's like, this is so awful, and I hate it, but it's way more fascinating than sad Odo.

Liz: Yes!

Anika: Like, if Odo was -- I don't know. He was just Emo Odo, and that wasn't at all interesting to me. I wanted Odo to, like -- the scene at the end, between Odo and Kira was probably the best for it, because he did seem to actually be sort of looking in the mirror, and thinking about it. The fact that Kira is disappointed means more to Odo than anyone else. Including himself.

Liz: That almost annoyed me, because it was like, oh, well, you feel -- you know, do you feel guilty because you did it, or do you feel guilty because now the secret is out, and the woman you're in love with knows?

Anika: I think the second! Which is why it's like -- like, how is this supposed to make me care about Odo more?

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: I just get more upset with him. It's like, no, I don't want this character to be -- I don't. And what you're saying, that not every character needs to be likable, and that's totally true. But they -- I really get the impression that they're like, "Okay, so Odo is the curmudgeon, right? He's the guy who is unlikable on purpose to -- and that's his personality, but he's just hiding the fact that he's really a squishy teddy bear that we all love!" And it's like, no. I don't love him.

Liz: He's a squishy teddy bear who was a collaborator.

Anika: And is just sort of, like, sad about it? He's not--

Liz: Yeah, he's not--

Anika: He doesn't say in so many words, "I wish this didn't happen. He sort of does say it in that, like, when he's shouting at the end, when he's explaining, and when he's revealed. But it's like he's backed into the corner by his subconscious--

Liz: Yes!

Anika: --to acknowledge these things, and if the other people hadn't been there, I don't know if he would have learned from it. Like you said, he only cares because Kira cares. And it's like, yeah, if all these other people didn't know, would he just be sad about it, and not think about it?

Liz: I think that's the conclusion we have to draw. Because at the beginning, it's clearly on his mind, because he's obviously troubled by how he was feted as a hero at this Bajoran conference -- but he wasn't going to say anything. He didn't correct anyone's assumptions. And, you know, the story of how he goes from being a Cardassian yes-man to a person who does stand up for justice, even for Bajorans, would have been really interesting! And I almost wish that this had been an ongoing arc, and we sort of saw Odo's redemption story, and that it wasn't then thrown under the bus by his actions during the Dominion War.

Anika: Mm.

Liz: Because I feel like Odo is a really interesting character, and the writers just didn't realise fully what they were doing with him?

Anika: No. Right. I think that's true. I think they pigeonholed him into the Spock-Data mindset, and didn't realise that it could be different. That you could do different things. Like, they just talk about his identity discovery quest. That's his big arc throughout the whole series.

Liz: Yeah, and that's interesting and all--

Anika: Right. And it's good, and he does get to explore that. And I think it's good for him, and it's interesting. People who love Odo love Odo, and I think that's great. So even if it's, like, an identity arc that I'm not into, that's okay. But I do think that there are these interesting places it could have gone.

Liz: Right.

Anika: That they almost went to, but didn't quite.

Liz: Which brings me to the Ronald D Moore quote I found, and it's a bit long, but I'm gonna read the whole thing out:

"One of the things that always drove the writing staff nuts was the idea that Odo had been a policeman during the Cardassian Occupation, but had never gotten his hands dirty, that he had been above it all, and that everybody had trusted him. We never bought that. it seemed to me that if I were a Bajoran, I wouldn't trust the cop who's still on duty from the Occupation. Somewhere along the line something bad went down on Odo's watch. And "Things Past" was the show to say it."

And I'm like, yes, these are good points, but I do not for a minute believe that this was an ongoing concern for the writers department!

Anika: No. No. Because it never comes out!

Liz: No! No! In the first season episode ["A Man Alone"] -- this is from Memory Alpha -- but a character goes, "Why are you still in charge of security?" But that guy's -- you know, he's targeting Odo because "he's an outsider". Like, Odo is not a victim. Or, at least, he is a victim in the way that Garak is a victim of Cardassian culture, or Narek and Narissa are victims of Romulan culture.

And I do think that it makes a difference when you remember that Odo is actually very young, and much, much younger than Rene Aubergenois made him seem and sound.

Anika: Yeah. It's hard. I mean, it's hard when -- like, the Doctor in Voyager, people are always telling me -- you know, whenever I complain about the Doctor's age difference with any of the women that he is thrown together with, they're like, "Well, he's really, you know, if it's the fourth season, he's only four years old." And it's like--

Liz: THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT BETTER!

Anika: [laughs] THAT IS NOT THE GOTCHA THAT YOU THINK IT IS!

Liz: No!

Anika: So. Yeah. And so, yeah, it's hard to look at Rene Aubergenois and think of a teenager.

Liz: What I think we need is a remastered version of Deep Space 9 that casts Adam Driver as Odo. He's still probably too old, I just think he'd be very good in the role.

Anika: I like that you're just gonna put Adam Driver in every Star Trek.

Liz: I really like him!

Anika: Good goal. Good goal.

Liz: I like his weird face.

Anika: I like it, too. I think that I would have liked this episode more if -- I agree that the framing -- it was very gimmicky.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: I would have rather someone found the records, or something, and actually confronted Odo about it, or -- I don't know. It was this whole "let's put them"--

Liz: Bajoran investigative journalism.

Anika: Yes. Maybe we go to the history of Bajor conference, and in the middle of his big -- they're feting Odo, and someone comes in and says, "That's not how it happened, blah, blah blah." Like, I don't know, I think I would have enjoyed that more than this super sci-fi play with your mind -- it just seems like -- Worf and Bashir were just there to say quips and cash their cheque. It was just very--

Liz: And Colm Meaney and Cirroc Lofton weren't even in the episode.

Anika: Yeah. They were just not there. Kira gets one good scene, and it's still almost the best scene.

Liz: I understand that Nana Visitor was heavily pregnant at the time, but it is so frustrating that there is no -- that Kira has no presence beyond that final scene, when this story is so integral to her experience of the Occupation, and her understanding of Odo. And I almost wish that they had ditched the framing device and the conceit of Thrax, and just had an episode set seven or nine years in the past, and -- you know, get some high profile guest stars to play these doomed Bajorans, and … you know?

Anika: Yeah. Right. Because our cast were the doomed Bajorans, I didn't care about them at all! Nothing was going to happen to our people. They were just some random Bajorans. We didn't know any of them. We got the "Siri, tell me about this guy" -- you know, so we got their name and occupation and whether or not they had family. So who cares?

They're just -- on the one hand, you know, if they were saying, "The Occupation was bad all around, and any Bajoran dying is wrong" -- which I agree with! Like, I'll just say, yes, true. But that's not how it came across to me. It came across as, "We think that, by having Sisko playing this guy, that you're gonna care what happens. We're gonna put it entirely on Avery Brooks's ability to act two different characters at the same time in the middle of Odo's memory." What?

Liz: But he doesn't, really. Brooks is outstanding, and I think Sisko comes out -- Sisko and Dax come out the best of all characters in this story. But he's just playing Sisko.

Anika: Right, he's just playing Sisko. We never even see these people as Bajorans.

Liz: No!

Anika: Their picture and at the end, that's it.

Liz: The only character that I was concerned for was Dax, because I felt like, even if -- you know, execution, blah, blah, blah,she survives -- but whatever Dukat intends to put her through, that's an experience that she'll have.

Anika: Yeah!

Liz: And that tension in those scenes was palpable. It was really hard to watch!

Anika: Yeah, it was. I was sitting there, I was like, this episode should end with DAx holding up a Me Too: Gul Dukat sign.

Liz: [laughs]

Anika: That's all I could think, the entire scene, was, poor Jadzia is gonna end up--

Liz: I know!

Anika: --on one of Gul Dukat's lists by this psychic nonsense. And the fact that she was using Leeta as her name made it doubly -- argh! All of the women are going to end up on Dukat's list because of this horrible thing! Which the episode was not about at all?

Liz: No, which -- you know, I think, when sexual grooming and implicit assault is, you know, just a sidebar, that's maybe a problem. And we've complained about the all-male writers room for DS9, but yeah, it really jumped out at me that Dax is so important to driving the plot along, and she takes out Dukat, and she tries to free the others, and it's only the rules of Odo's dream that stop them. But the script treats her as an afterthought. She's barely -- she is not important to Odo's journey. And it's really frustrating!

Anika: Yeah. It was really frustrating. That's a good summary of my thoughts on this episode.

Liz: No, no. Like, I'm so glad that they have belatedly decided to confront Odo's presence in the Occupation. I think Quark comes out very, very badly in terms of using slave labour--

Anika: Oh my gosh. And his condescending tone of, you know, "Okay, now you're going to step out here with me. And now we're going to walk in a line together." And it's like, wow. WOW, Quark.

Liz: The amazing thing is that his bar isn't being firebombed once a week by people who hate the fact that he's still in Bajoran territory. I feel like, if Sisko had known about this, he wouldn't have been, like, "Oh, you're a community leader" back in the first episode. But, at the same time--

Anika: He's not a community leader.

Liz: No. No. But, at the same time, I think that Sisko did not know that, or did not suspect that, and that maybe suggests that Starfleet's understanding of the Occupation is pretty limited. And that makes sense, because--

Anika: Which I would believe.

Liz: --all of these terrible things on Terok Nor are happening during, like, mid to late Next Generation.

Anika: I know.

Liz: This is not the distant past.

Anika: It's weird. You know how we were saying, again, last week, how the Kazon were, you know, thirty years ago, they were the Bajorans. And this is a decade ago. A decade ago! Less than! The Bajorans were under everyone's thumb, and all of this stuff was going on, and it's kind of still happening. It's kind of still, like, yeah, they have Terok Nor, now, but they don't, really?

Liz: Hashtag decolonise Bajor.

Anika: They're asking a lot of questions, and really not interested in answering them.

Liz: Yeah, and I think that's one thing I found frustrating about the final scene. It's like, oh, Odo is sad, and Kira is judging him. But we know that there's going to be no long-term consequences. We know that his relationship with Kira doesn't change, and her trust in him persists. And I know this is very early in serialised or semi-serialised mainstream television, but it's just so intensely annoying.

Anika: Yeah. Mm hmm.

Liz: Like. Yeah.

Anika: I want there to be more consequences.

Liz: Yeah. And the thing is, like, I enjoy the complexity of Bajor suffering while the Federation is happily doing its Federation thing. I think that's terrible! But it's interesting, and it feels real. And it's the sort of thing that I wanted Star Trek: Picard to deal with, that sort of complex moral and ethical question. And it didn't.

Anika: Yeah, but -- yeah. They're really good at bringing up the question, and saying, "This is a question we could discuss." But then sort of sidestepping it, and saying, "Instead, we're going to tell a Star Trek story."

Liz: Yeah, and we're going to end--

Anika: And I get it, they're fiction, it's all good. But it's sort of, like, this is another [case where] we're going to rest on the idea of "Starfleet" and "Star Trek" as a thing, and we're not going to actually engage with it in any way. We're just going to rest on the laurels of "Star Trek is moral and good, and asks moral questions, and is telling us about society", and yet they don't say anything about society. They don't say anything about collaborators, they don't say anything about Quark and making money off of people's suffering.

Liz: No, it's usually just a funny joke.

Anika: None of that is actually being addressed in any way. It's just sort of there.

Liz: Yeah. Which I think--

Anika: And that's not going -- I just want it to go further. I'm not expecting Star Trek to give me answers. I think that asking questions is their role. But I think that they do need to engage with the questions, and explore the questions.

Liz: Right, and not just go, "Yeah, this is really complicated. Anyway, roll credits!"

Anika: Exactly. Exactly. This is really complicated. The end. We are Starfleet.

Liz: Yeah, and we can go, "This is really complicated," and maybe some regular characters feel differently about Odo, and maybe others like, say, Worf, go, "Oh yeah, that was a shitty situation, but you were doing your best. Hey, I nearly sided with Admiral Satie that time."

Anika: Yeah, Worf one hundred percent would, too. And I think that would be a great conversation because it would tell us something about both characters.

Liz: Yeah!

Anika: And how they were similar to each other and different from others, and finding those connections between people who -- on the surface, Worf and Odo are not much alike. Okay, I guess they're both in security, that's it.

Liz: No, and they're not friends. Yeah.

Anika: They are not alike. And so something that brought them together to have that conversation, and say, "This is how we're alike," and different from Kira, because Kira would rather die than make that choice -- that's interesting!

Liz: Right! And it's not that they don't answer the questions, because I don't think these questions can easily be answered. But the fact that they don't grapple with them at all, and it's just business as usual afterwards, that, to me, is disappointing. And this is not a problem unique to Deep Space 9, obviously. You know, that's--

Anika: No, and it's not a unique Star Trek problem, it's not -- like, every story -- we get it. And I'm not saying that I would do any better. So I'm not saying, "Ooooh, Deep Space 9 is bad! And Ron Moore is bad!" Like, obviously not. That's not true. That's not what I'm saying.

Liz: No.

Anika: What I'm saying is, as good as it is, it could be better.

Liz: Yeah!

Anika: Because these are really interesting questions that could be discussed in more nuanced conversations.

Liz: And I think that there is a level of dishonesty, now, in the approach to Odo and Quark after all of these long-overdue surprise reveals. You know, we can't just go back to seeing them as our lovable curmudgeon and his thief best enemy.

Anika: Yeah. That's what's -- that's hard.

Liz: Yeah. Yeah. It's that they ask the audience to make that leap, without going to any particular effort to improve it? Without going to any effort themselves to make it work.

Anika: Right.

Liz: And it's sort of the same with Garak, because this is his first episode after he spent six whole months in jail for attempted genocide! And he's back, complaining that the Bajorans aren't nice to him.

Anika: You know -- ugh. Like, shut up, Garak.

Liz: Right, no one wants to hear your opinion.

Anika: That whole episode! The whole episode, I was just, like, no, you are not contributing to this. And then, when he stole the thing, and Odo is like, "I'm gonna add pickpocket to your resume," and he says something like, "Why would a simple tailor have high-level codes," or whatever -- and I was like, it is season 5.

Liz: Right!

Anika: We have to let the simple tailor stuff go.

Liz: You were just in jail for attempted genocide.

Anika: Like, I get that that's the party line. But it's stupid at this point. Odo is not an idiot, and Garak is not an idiot, and so, like, this whole, you know -- just saying it sarcastically, it just made me angry. I was just angry at the whole thing.

Liz: It reiterated my feeling that this is a lost season 2 episode.

Anika: Yes, I agree with this. Because I think that no one -- like, they weren't making sense. And, like, O'Brien could have had Worf's lines and nothing would change.

Liz: Right!

Anika: So, therefore, it could be -- whatever. Or Kira. Like, there was nothing Worf about that. And Bashir was just … Bashiring.

Liz: And bless his heart and all, but, you know.

Anika: So it was all just -- I don't know. Missed opportunities and lost potential. Because I wanted there to be more. I felt like we were past this, and we should be really digging deep into it instead of... [laughs] It's ridiculous how angry that line about the tailor made me, but I was just so over it.

Liz: It's just sort of emblematic of the problems with the episode. It's not that it's a bad episode, it's that it comes so late in the story as to be meaningless.

Anika: Yeah. So. Oh well!

Liz: You got a message asking if we wanted to talk about Deep Space 9 and Babylon 5. And you have not seen Babylon 5--

Anika: I can't do that.

Liz: --but I have.

Anika: I'll pass it onto you. Please discuss Deep Space 9 and Babylon 5.

Liz: So my secret shame as a Trekkie is that I like Babylon 5 better than Deep Space 9. I don't think it's necessarily a better show? But I think J Michael Straczynski was watchig Star Trek and seeing the things that annoyed him, and going, "I'm not going to do that." And then he does a whole lot of other annoying things. It's a show that I love, but I don't recommend it to new people because I don't think it's aged very well?

But one thing -- I will say it has more overt queerness, in its mid-90s way, than one season of Star Trek: Picard in 2020.

Anika: Well, that's yet another -- yeah. Let's just push that over. Yep.

Liz: Yeah. Yeah. But one thing I felt like it did very well was that -- there's a character, Londo, who comes from this fading, once-glorious Empire. And he's -- I don't want to say he's Make The Centauri Empire Great Again Guy. Because it's more about Rome, and that sort of metaphor.

But there comes a point where he commits genocide against -- or a partial genocide -- against the people of another main character. And he is literally standing on the ship, watching as asteroids are driven down onto their homeworld.

Anika: Yikes.

Liz: And then he … is not forgiven. Or -- no. Some characters forgive him, and some characters even come to love him again, but no one forgets that he did this. And there is not a single point in the series (barring some of the weaker spots in season 5, which had a lot of behind the scenes drama) where -- "This is Londo, he is our funny alcoholic who has a terrible past. He also killed a whole million -- you know, millions and millions of people, and we kind of side-eye that." And it's not forgotten! It's so important! And it's important because he becomes a character who is determined never to do it again, but he goes through that whole story.

I don't know if I explained it very well [I didn't!], because I didn't want to get into the details of who, and what, and alien names, and whatever. But the funny alcoholic clown man with the vertical hair goes through this, and I think it's a much more nuanced take on this sort of story than Deep Space 9 did.

Anika: And I think, again, it comes back to that -- like, it was okay for Dukat to be the charming guy we love to hate. It was not okay for Odo to be that. That was a bridge too far for Star Trek. He could have this quote-unquote "dark past" -- and, you know, in that Kira scene, at least he admits that it probably wasn't the only time?

Liz: Yes!

Anika: But the fact that she was like, "If you tell me this is the only time, it'll be okay." It's like, no! That's not the lesson here. The lesson here isn't, "I did this one bad thing this one time, and I'm sorry about it twenty years later, so now you should love me again." The lesson is, I need to make up for this, and never do that again, and grapple with the fact that I am the type of person who could do it. Like, that's the story we need to be telling here.

The show had that moment, where they almost gave themselves an out from making Odo spotless except for his one spot, I guess? And at least--

Liz: No, and they didn't take it, and I respect that.

Anika: --they didn't do it, so that was good. But the fact that not much changes, that this doesn't change him, it doesn't change his relationships, it doesn't change the series, means that it still sort of is. You have this one spot, and whatever, we all have that one spot.

Liz: And I think that's the sort of disconnect that fic writers love -- and part of the problem is that I don't love these characters enough to do that work. Whereas, like, I just watched the Voyager episode "The Chute", and I'm like, "Wow, Janeway is really more than usually implacable this episode, and that's kind of inconsistent with past characterisation, but I think she's just still recovering from losing her ship in 'Basics' and she's more determined than ever to hang onto it and protect her crew?"

So, yeah, I think people who are bigger fans of Deep Space 9 will do the work.

Anika: That's fair.

Liz: And that's sort of the joy of being a Trekkie.

Anika: Yeah, 'cos we can go read those fics if we want to explore more. We can go looking for it, and it's probably there.

Liz: Right, and as much as I am not a Deep Space 9 fan now, there is always the possibility that one day I'll wake up and go, "Man, you know what I really want? I wanna read a lot of Kira/Odo!" It's gonna happen, I hate Kira/Odo. She can do so much better.

Anika: [laughs] I was just gonna say! NoTP, noTP!

Liz: No. No. I opened Netflix to watch this episode, and for some reason, it went straight to "His Way". I think that's where my flatmate and I noped out on our last rewatch. And I'm like, I'm a good person, I shouldn't have to see this!

Anika: [laughs] I mean, to be fair, none of the people that Kira dated were good enough for her. None.

Liz: No.

Anika: Zero.

Liz: One thing, though -- the other week, I read My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell. It's a contemporary novel, semi -- it sort of straddles the boundaries between commercial and literary fiction. But it's about a woman looking back at an affair she had with her teacher when she was fifteen, and it's a very stark depiction of grooming. And it made it really hard to watch those scenes with Dukat and Dax. Like, just so -- awful.

Anika: Yeah. It's strange how I really had a visceral reaction to that more than the whole rest of the episode. And it might partially be because -- okay, so I watched the season finale of SVU this morning. And it was their take on the Harvey Weinstein ordeal.

Liz: Oh no.

Anika: The season opened with this, you know, big case taking down a Harvey Weinsteinesque person, and it closed with his trial, and how absolutely impossible it was, because all of the -- you know, there was so much intimidation, and he was having these medical problems, and his lawyer was just completely--

Liz: Awful?

Anika: Like, her whole thing was, "Well, I'd rather have ten guilty men go free if one innocent man is brought down." And it's just, like, ugh. It's an interesting math equation you got going there, of lives for -- you know. But whatever, lady. And so that's how I woke up this morning, is what I'm saying.

Liz: That sounds nice.

Anika: And so maybe, when I got to Deep Space 9, and I watched the scene between Dukat and Dax, and I was just, like, "Oof, #MeToo: Dukat," that's what's going on here, you know, I was already in that mindset. So that's what I connected to, maybe?

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: Because it was -- and it's obviously not just SVU, it's in the news all the time. It's reality. Before Covid took over everything, it was like the backlash of the #MeToo movement.

Liz: Right, right, and then Fiona Apple's new album came out, and that was also about predatory powerful men, and her anger towards them, and all of that. It's sort of the wallpaper of our lives.

Anika: Right.

Liz: But I watched Dukat monologuing about, "I'm a father to the Bajoran people," and I was like, yeah, you also want them to call you daddy. And then I just felt like I'd really squicked myself out, because he is--

Anika: I need a -- [laughs]

Liz: Like, this fictional man preying on fictional women--

Anika: "I need a friend," and, you know, "you're the only one I can--" ugh. It was so gross. And there was a whole, like, flashback to Schindler's List, because they seemed very similar to the wine cellar scene. I was just, like, this is exactly what's happening here. And it was just really disturbing on every level. I was way more invested in that non-storyline--

Liz: Right!

Anika: --than I was in everything that was happening with Odo. And that is maybe just because, you know, quote-unquote "women's issues", and that's what I was interested in, because I'm a woman? I don't know. Because there weren't--

Liz: Not a lot of women in this episode!

Anika: --a lot of women in this episode. And so if I am -- and also, I don't relate to Sisko. I don't relate to Garak, for heaven's sake.

Liz: [laughs]

Anika: I definitely don't relate to Odo. So my options are limited in -- even if it was some -- even if I was going to relate to a man, or a male character, as a woman, there weren't any that were for me anyway.

Liz: I kind of related to Garak a little, in that he was being very much a Karen, and I--

Anika: [laughs] Sorry!

Liz: I said it to make you laugh!

Anika: That's perfect.

Liz: But, you know, as a middle class white lady, I am certainly prone to that sort of attitude, and sort of check it in myself. But what really interested me was Dax's story, and how -- you know, none of the men really play the role they're assigned. Whereas Dax throws herself right into the part -- if that's the right way to put it -- of this Bajoran woman who doesn't even get a name! But, like, she's a method actor, apparently. She eats the food, and tells him that she doesn't eat very well very often, and -- I was so scared for her! But so impressed by her at the same time.

Anika: Yeah. And she, like, gets out of the whole -- and it's also, like, because Odo's not in any of her scenes, it's like, what is even going on there? If she's just lost in his subconscious--

Liz: Right!

Anika: --then how is -- like, why is Odo's subconsicous writing a scene between Dukat and Dax? I was just -- like, if you think about it too much, you'll go down a bad rabbit hole.

Liz: Yyyyyeah.

Anika: So just, let's not

Liz: No, it's too late, I am already asking why Odo is writing this fic.

Anika: And just say, Dax is great, and she was smart and clever, and playing along, and getting rid of him, and could have actually -- could easily have actually killed Dukat, as opposed to being accused of killing Dukat, like everybody else. There was just so -- it was like, wow, the fact that he doesn't -- he's not afraid of her at all. He thinks he is in control of the entire situation.

Liz: Right!

Anika: And she, like, with two scenes, is able to completely destroy him. It was just, like -- that's what I'm saying, that story was way more interesting. Dax being cool, and getting one over on Dukat, was way more interesting than everything else.

Liz: And it also felt like a better depiction of the treatment of Bajoran women under Dukat than the episode where Kira goes back in time to judge her mother for being a comfort woman, essentially.

Anika: Yes.

Liz: Because I think that's another interestingly complicated episode that, in that case, does try to draw easy answers, and the answer is that Kira is incredibly judgemental.

Anika: Yeah, right.

Liz: In a way that I think was bad at the time, and has also aged badly.

Anika: It's just -- especially when you have this episode, where she's judgemental, for sure, but--

Liz: But so much more gently.

Anika: Yeah. And it's not -- it's like, "I'll forgive you, Odo, but I'm not gonna forgive my mother." Why? What is the--

Liz: Which I think is an interesting psychological choice.

Anika: Right! It is interesting! And it sort of -- it's another thing where you learn about Kira, and I don't think the writers intended us to learn this about Kira, but I absolutely believe that she is the type to hold her mother, and women in general, up to a higher standard.

Liz: Right.

Anika: And even, like, Bajorans, in general, up to a higher standard than she would Odo. I believe that of her. Not consciously, and not on purpose, but she would.

Liz: Oh no!

Anika: And so it's like, that's interesting, but I don't think they meant that to happen. I think that's just what happened.

Liz: No, and it's not a story I would want this all-male writers room to tell.

Anika: No. Definitely not.

Liz: One thing that I think this episode hinted at, but didn't really explore, is that after fifty years of occupation, like, no one comes out of this oppressive regime untainted. And so, of course -- everyone knows collaborators, and everyone -- except the most hardline Resistance cell members -- has to make a compromise to survive, for themselves or their loved ones. And that was a really -- they don't really discuss it, but it's come up in other episodes about the Occupation and Bajoran politics. And I just think it's worth remembering that Kira's attitude is sort of in the minority, because most people are more pragmatic and less idealistic than she is.

Anika: It's true.

Liz: Which is not to say that anything Odo did was okay, but I don't think he was -- I'm sure that there were Bajorans serving in security roles and police roles that also committed crimes against their own people.

Anika: Yes. And, again, those are interesting questions. Those are the people who are not the heroes of the story, and not the villains. They're the people who are just trying to survive.

Liz: Right.

Anika: And making choices. And some people make better choices than other people, and that's interesting, that's life, and that's -- again, those are interesting questions. And so, yes, Odo -- and when you brought up his age earlier, I think I cut you off before you actually got to your point, but if your point was that, at that time, he was young, and he was also alone--

Liz: Yes.

Anika: --because we know Odo as Odo, a part of our ensemble, who has these relationships with these people. But at that point in Odo's history, he didn't have those relationships, he didn't have people, he didn't have friends.

Liz: Right, exactly.

Anika: He was just the law and order guy. That was all he had, "I'm gonna create order." And so I can understand, from that perspective, of Odo, this choice.

Liz: Right!

Anika: And I wish that Odo took the time to try to understand his former self making this choice, and actually acknowledging that. Instead of me doing it for him.

Liz: Yes! And the journey he made from being straight-up law and order guy, and more about the order than the law, to developing an understanding of justice, and of becoming a competent investigator who did the work. That's an interesting story, and I wish we knew more about it, and I wish we knew how he learned, and who taught him, and all of that.

Anika: Yeah. And these are the whole -- I think I would be pretty into a Deep Space 9 prequel. I would love to know terrorist!Kira. Like, I wanna know more than what we get.

Liz: This feels like a great topic for, like, a high quality graphic novel. So, call us, whoever has the rights to Star Trek comics right now!

Anika: Yeah! [laughs] Exactly. I think you're right, it's a little too gritty for the high budget television series, but a graphic novel would be just right.

Liz: That, and -- yeah, I just -- if this is how Quark is treating his temporary bar staff, and waiters, what is he doing to the dabo girls?!

Anika: Oh God. Ew.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: What are the Cardassians doing to the dabo girls?

Liz: #MeToo: Terok Nor is something I've never really considered before, but--

Anika: It's very, very real, though.

Liz: Yyyyyeaaaaaahhhhhhh.

Anika: I get why people like Deep Space 9, because it is that realism, that gritty version of Star Trek. Like, I get it. I get it.

Liz: It just--

Anika: But it's still a little too -- I dunno.

Liz: To me, it half-asses the realism.

Anika: Yeah. It's santised.

Liz: Yeah. And I do understand that it's the nineties, and all of that, but that doesn't mean we have to acclaim it now. Like -- it tried, it was important at the time, it does many things well, even now, but -- you know? And I don't even think that, necessarily, uh, modern, twenty-first century Trek is doing hugely better. I was more optimistic after Discovery's first season, but then, you know.

Anika: Then Discovery's second season.

Liz: And Picard.

Anika: And Picard. Going backwards. I don't know. Star Trek is imperfect, and that's part of its charm.

Liz: And, to an extent, every series and every spin-off has to reinvent the wheel. And there is always a shakedown period of awkwardness, and trying to figure out how to do things.

Anika: Yeah, but that brings it back to, THIS IS A FIFTH SEASON EPISODE.

Liz: Right.

Anika: This season is supposed to be the best season. So what happened?

Liz: Yeah. Yeah. Should we wrap up?

Anika: Sure. Yes.

Liz: It's a little bit short, but I don't know that we have more to say, and honestly, I've been at my desk -- I have been doing work every single day since Easter Sunday. And I'm so sick of being at my desk.

Anika: I'll say one positive thing.

Liz: Yes?

Anika: At the very beginning of the episode, when the shuttlepod is coming, and Worf is on the bridge, there is a woman -- who is his person on the bridge, I don't know -- but she's wearing the Bajoran uniform in grey, with the quilted -- it looked really good.

Liz: Oh, nice.

Anika: I was like, I really like these Bajoran uniforms. And I always liked Kira's, but in the grey, it was really interesting. It was more utilitarian, and also sort of more Starfleety, but looked really good. It was interesting, so I liked it.

Liz: As long as we're talking about costuming, there's a full-length shot of Kira at the very end, and you see her boots. And I've always liked the boots that she wears, whether the high heels or the flats, but they just looked like -- because she's so pregnant, they looked like very nice, solid, appropriate heels. And they looked really comfortable.

Anika: Kira boots over leggings is super nineties, and I love it.

Liz: Right, I was looking at them going, I remember coveting slouchy boots.

Anika: I dressed like that all the time.

Liz: Yeah.

Anika: All the time! That was me. So good on you, Kira.

Liz: I spent the nineties dressing like Janeway in "Resolutions". So, yeah.

Anika: [laughs] No, but seriously, Kira was my fashion icon.

Liz: Did you own a crochet singlet?

Anika: She had -- yes, exactly! The crochet things. I still, whenever I go to a thrift store, I look for crochet vests and little dresses and things. And it's like, Kira and Kes were what I dressed like. Just, you know. Has nothing to do with this episode, but: fashion icon.

Liz: My other shameful Trekkie confession is that, as a feminist, obviously I think it's terrible that Nana Visitor was put in steadily tighter costumes and higher heels as the series went on. But from an aesthetic point of view? I'm really into it. See also: Seven of Nine's catsuit.

Anika: [laughs]

Liz: And I did -- I went through a phase of wearing heels like that everyday. And then I had to have foot surgery, and I never wore heels again.

Anika: You know, T'Pol's pastel velour faux uniforms that she wears in the last two season? Those are my favourite. I love them. They're so good.

Liz: I think it was TrekCore who retweeted a picture of a cosplayer wearing that outfit, and she looked amazing.

Anika: So bad and so good. Yes.

Liz: It's just kind of the Star Trek equivalent of the Juicy Couture tracksuit.

Anika: It is exactly! And it looks so comfortable.

Liz: By catsuit standards, yeah!

Anika: By catsuit standards, yeah. You know, it's probably horrible to wear. But it looks cosy.

Liz: I reckon it'd be more comfortable than what Jeri Ryan had. Like, it just seems like it moves better, and doesn't have an inbuilt corset, and has separate shoes.

Anika: Honestly, it looks more comfortable than what [T'Pol's] stuck in, what I call her couch catsuit.

Liz: Yeah, it does look like a cushion.

Anika: That is rough. Like, that looks really -- like, at least the velour is soft?

Liz: Yeah, the couch one often looks a bit cold. Like, it's very thin fabric. It looks cheap, basically. All the constuming on Enterprise looks cheap.

Anika: It was bad choices. Bad choices. T'Pol was happier in the later seasons, and I think it's partially because of her clothes.

Liz: I found a bunch of photos of myself from the early 2000s, and that was a bad time for fashion in general. Like, I was unfortunately very trendy then, and I have regrets. [laughs]

Anika: Yeah.

Liz: The extremely revealing singlet and boot cut jeans? Don't know what I was thinking, not gonna go back to that. I just wanna go back to my past self and put a cardigan over her shoulders.

Anika: And right now, it doesn't even matter what we wear, so.

Liz: I'm wearing jeans right now, but that's because, once we're done here, I'm going to mow the lawn, and I don't want my neighbours to see my terrible tracksuit pants.

Anika: I will be honest that I am back to leggings and boots.

Liz: Good.

Anika: That is, once again, what I wear everyday. And it's very cosy.

Liz: Yeah, I had some money set aside to upgrade my autumn work wardrobe, and instead, I spent it all on hoodies.

Anika: That was a good choice!

Liz: I'll probably regret it, come spring, but that's a spring!Liz problem.

Anika: That's right. That's the future. Who even knows what's gonna be -- pfft. Anything could happen between now and then.

Liz: [big dramatic sigh] Well, I know what's happening on our next episode, so!

[outro music]

Thank you for listening to Antimatter Pod.

You can find our show notes at antimatterpod.tumblr.com, including links to our social media and credits for our theme music.

You can also follow us on Twitter at @antimatterpod. Sometimes we post cat pictures, and questions for our audience.

If you like us, leave a review on apple podcasts or wherever you consume your podcasts -- the more reviews, the easier it is for new listeners to find us.

And join us in two weeks when we’ll be discussing an iconic TOS novel: Diane Duane's My Enemy, My Ally.

#star trek: deep space 9 #antimatter pod #podcast transcripts

3 notes · View notes

hannah-deserved-better · 5 years ago

Text

My fandoms and my favorite characters and ships

I’m going to talk about all my fandoms and my top one or two characters from each fandom, and my top OTP from each one, if I have any. I’m going in order from when they entered my life.

Star Trek: The Next Generation

I watched TNG when it first aired in 1987. It was my first fandom and my most time honored fandom. I literally grew up watching it as a child, until it ended in about 1994, when I was about 10. I didn’t know about ships or OTPs or anything back then (no internet cuz you know... it was the 80′s and I was a child). But I did have my favorites:

Favorite Characters

Captain Picard: Seriously Picard is awesome. He was my first role model. He always had an important lesson to teach and he always did the right thing. I had tons of different Captain Picard action figures.

Dr. Crusher: She was probably my very first girl crush. I seriously loved Dr. Crusher. I thought she was tough and smart. In the 80s, when women were beginning to be able to go to college and stuff, she was especially important because she was the Chief Medical officer. She had an important role on the ship.

OTP: It shouldn’t come as a surprise that my OTP for TNG is Picard and Crusher. I wanted them to get together so bad!! My favorite episode was “attached” an episode in season seven where the two of them were stranded on a deserted planet and could hear each other’s thoughts. They learned about their intimate dreams and their feelings for each other.

Star Trek Deep Space Nine:

Deep Space Nine is near and dear to me because it was MY show. I watched it as a young teenager. It was there for me when I was dealing with some dark times in my life, and dealing with the challenges of being a teenager. it was the first fandom that I wrote fan fiction for. Of course, there was no internet then either, so it was just on notebooks and those notebooks have been lost in time. But even now, Deep Space Nine is my default when I can’t decide what to watch. Its my comfort zone, it’s where I feel safe. It was also one of the first times I felt moved by a show ending. I mourned TNG but I was too young. DS9 left just a void and there was no netflix to take comfort in, so no reruns.

Kira Nerys

I loved Kira so much! She was so bad ass. I seriously wanted to be her back in the day. She had a quick temper and she could be stubborn but she had a very tough past. She was a terrorist. She fought for her people’s freedom and she cared deeply for her planet. She dealt with some serious trauma and PTSD because she had been fighting as a resistance fighter since she was a child. It’s all she knew. Living in caves, starving, surviving. She taught me how to be resourceful, my favorite quote is when she said if you need a hammer, use a wrench.

Constable Odo

Odo was the sheriff in town. He cared about justice and getting at the truth and he tended to be very hardline about it. He took his work very seriously. I loved his banter with Quark. Odo was the observer, he was on no one’s side but he didn’t hesitate to give his opinion and he wasn’t a fan of authority. He did things his way.

OTP: Kira and Odo! I shipped them so hardback in the day! I knew they had something from the very beginning. In season one I shipped them. I was waiting through the whole show to see them be canon, only to be crushed when Odo left in the series finale! That kiss on the promenade was probably the best thing that ever happened to me!

Star Trek Voyager

I admit I didn’t get into Voyager right away. I was mourning for DS9 and couldn’t handle any more Star Trek spin-offs at the time. So I didn’t get into it until it had already been syndicated. But when I did, it definitely hit me hard. I was going through my early community college years, making friends, I met my husband around this time. I moved away from my parents. There were a lot of changes in my life so VOY came into my life at an important time.

Captain Janeway

Of course, I love her! She’s the captain! She’s smart, she’s tough, and she doesn’t take crap from anyone. She was another huge role model in my life. She was a scientist and a leader. Her crew mattered the most to her and it was through her that I learned about sacrifice and bravery.

Commander Chakotay

I liked Chakotay. I liked his spiritual side. I happen to be part Native American so that’s something I related to him with. He was a strong sensitive type. The warrior.

OTP: Janeway and Chakotay of course! I wanted them to get together so bad! It kills me when they had so many close chances that never happened. I mean it was so clear that they loved each other and that Chakotay/Seven thing at the end was a total slap in the face to us Janeway/Chakotay fans! I still hate the writers for that! it totally ruined the series finale for me.

X-files: So begins the era of stuff that husband introduced me to, starting with X-files. I had never watched it back when it was on because I only had eyes for Star Trek, but my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, introduced me to pretty much every fandom from here on out. X-files was his show, its what he grew up on.

Scully: I’m a total Scully girl. I love her! She’s a scientist and she wears a gun. Total badass! And I love that even though her scientific mind, she was also spiritual which, as a pagan, I can relate. She knows that she is in a male-dominated occupation but she doesn’t let it bother her and isn't afraid to give people a piece of her mind.

Mulder

You can’t have Scully without Mulder! I love how dedicated to the cause he was. And my husband and I have this on going joke that whenever you see a top secret secured area you have to wonder if Mulder has broken into it yet. Cuz he always manages to get to places where he isn’t exactly supposed to be.

OTP: Mulder and Scully of course! Mulder may be a goof ball but he has said some of the most romantic, amazing things. “You were my constant” that whole speech right there was amazing.

Lord of the Rings

My husband introduced me to Lord of the Rings. I never read the books until I met him and even then, I’ve only read the Fellowship, but I loved the movies. They are my ultimate sick day splurge. I plan a LOTR/hobbit marathon when I get sick.

Aragorn: I think we are seeing a pattern. I like the leader types. The warriors. Which is why I love Aragorn! Also, I’ve always had a thing for guys with long hair so there’s that. But yeah, Aragorn is the sensitive, courageous warrior but he also has this self-doubt. He worries that he won't live up to what everyone knows he must become.

Faramir

The younger brother to Boromir. I hate how Faramir’s father treated him and I think it’s sad how he still looked up to him and to his brother. He was brave but he had a kind heart and he deserved better than Denethor.

OTP: To be honest, I didn’t really ship anyone from Lord of the Rings.

Rurouni Kenshin

I’ve never really been into anime but this is the one exception. And of course, my husband introduced me. He’s been a fan of the anime and the manga. I like this anime for it’s historical content. I am a history major and I love fandoms that make the setting a big part of the show. Like the setting itself is a character too, and this was certainly true in Kenshin. Meiji Japan was a character in the show in many ways. I really loved how it tied history into everything, describing Japan’s beginning of imperialism and its rise that would eventually put it on the world stage.

Kenshin

Kenshin is my favorite character! The wandering Samurai who just wants to protect people. He’s the warrior type just like all my other favorites.

OTP: I didn’t really ship anyone, although I did have a soft spot for Kenshin/Kauru and Sanosuke/Megumi.

The Legends of Drizzt

My favorite book series of all time! I got so obsessed with the Drow through reading these books. My favorites were the first books about Drizzt and his homeland. This is also the first fandom my friend and I got really into and started RPGs with. WE had done RPGs with Voyager and X-files crossovers but this was probably the longes RPG series we did.

Drizzt Do’Urdon: Drizzt and Kenshin have a lot of similarities. Drizzt is another warrior type. He was abused by his female-dominated society until he finally had the courage to do what few drow ever did- leave. He faced hatred and discrimination on the surface because everyone feared the Drow.

OTP: I didn’t really ship anyone. I liked Drizzt/Cattie-brie and I thought it would have been nice if he got to reconcile with Ellifain and maybe they could have been together, but that’s all.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

I wouldn’t say I am a hardcore Buffy fangirl, but I love the show. My sisters were really obsessed with it back in the day and they both know every single episode by heart. My husband is a huge fan so he finally got me to watch it.

Willow Rosenburg

Willow’s my favorite! She’s nerdy, geeky, and witchy. She’s been Buffy’s number one and she’s no side kick, she can handle her own. I was a nerd in school, and still am so I get her.

OTP: I liked Buffy and Angel and Willow and Tara. I also thought maybe Xander and Spike would have been cool, or maybe Xander and Andrew.

The Hobbit

I loved the Hobbit movies despite the criticism. They were my first attempt at publishing fiction online. I have a bunch of my old Hobbit fics on Fan Fiction.net still. I also have saved some of my all time favorite Hobbit fics. I love the brotherly love between Fili and Kili and fan fic writers did such a good job of capturing it!

Fili

I am on the ‘justice for Fili’ team for sure. I seriously feel like Fili deserved way more than what he got in the movies. The third movie irritated me because Fili hardly got a part. It’s like he wasn’t even there. Fili was Thorin’s heir and I just think fan fiction does a way better job of giving him the love he deserved.

Kili

I loved Kili. He’s the younger brother so he feels he has to prove to Thorin- his hero- that he can do what needs to get done. I think it hurt him to be left behind.

OTP: No OTPS here, I don’t really ship anyone. I wasn’t a fan of the Kili/Tauriel thing at all. When I write Hobbit fics, I have these OCs I have been using for years that I ship with Fili and Kili but that’s all.

Supernatural

Last but not least! Supernatural is my last fandom. I’ve been a part of it for about three or four years. It’s my most current, the one I’m into the most at the moment. After it ends, that will be it! No more fandoms for me, all my fandoms will be things of the past. But my husband introduced me to it. He and I both have an interest in theology so that’s why we got into it, for all the angel and religious aspect. I like the mystic stuff, and I like how angels and demons are these different species with their own rules and such. That is the thing I’ve always loved about science fiction and fantasy- I love learning about non human cultures. I like learning how their society is.

Hannah

Hannah is my current crush these days. I love her. I pretty much think she is a goddess. I have so many reasons. I love that she is a soldier and she’s tough, I love that she has flaws but that she’s brave. Her inner conflict was the best part of her character, how she struggled with her sense of law and justice and with her emotions. She seemed to struggle a lot with trying to process the things she felt. I can honestly say that she is the closest I’ve ever seen to a female person with autism in any of my fandoms. That’s why I love her so much, I relate to her on such a personal level, being autistic myself. She inspires my writing and my art so much. She’s probably my favorite character out of all my fandoms right now. I’ve never related to a character more than I do to her. She is the character I love to play the most because she feels comfortable to me.

Castiel

When it comes to team free will, I am a Cas-girl all the way! Who doesn’t love that adorable little angel? I feel like Castiel’s whole time on the show has been so sad. He rebelled for his friends and ever since then, it’s been one disaster after another with him and even now when season 15 is about to come out, I don’t think he’s ever found true happiness, and that hurts. He misses being an angel and it hurts that they don’t accept him for who he is. I’ve tried to touch upon Castiel’s emotional health a lot in my writing because I don’t think the show does a good job of addressing it. He has done so much for the Winchesters but I don’t think he’s happy with how his life is now, especially after the end of the last season.

OTP: Castiel and Hannah! My ultimate hardcore forever OTP. I truly believe Castiel loved Hannah and its clear that she loved him. She is one of the few people in Castiel’s life who seemed to truly, honestly want to address his needs. She literally begged him multiple times to take care of himself, and in true Winchester fashion, was willing to let Metatron out and this sacrifice the world, just to save Cas. She’s one of the few angels who cared about Castiel, even knowing what he’s done, none of that bothered her. In the beginning when they first met, when all the other angels wanted to kill him, she didn’t care what he had done and only left when she thought he had betrayed them and was quick to come back to him when she found out the truth. I love Castiel and Hannah, pretty much all my fics focus on them.

NOTE: Before you start getting all upset about the fact that all my OTP ships are m/f, I want to point some things out to you. First off, I am bi. Second of all, m/f doesn’t always equal straight and m/m or f/f doesn’t always equal gay. STOP IT WITH THE BI ERASURE!!! I have plenty of other ships but these are my top ships and yes I mostly ship m/f. Just because they all just happen to be my favorites. Maybe because all the above characters tend to have certain characteristics and certain traits and it's their personalities that I ship not their gender. Also, I have huge crushes on the above female AND male characters so again, it’s probably why I ship them. Also, I am demisexual so sex doesn’t really play a huge role in who I ship. A lot of these characters also have similarities to me and my husband, so I tend to ship what I see in real life. I actually ship plenty of other ships other than what’s listed, yes most are still m/f, but some are f/f and some are poly. I don’t ship a lot of m/m because, well, I just don’t. I haven’t found any m/m ships that I really ship. I am all about chemistry first and if I don’t feel it I don’t feel it. Since sex doesn’t play a factor in my ships much, I need them to connect mentally and emotionally much more than physically. I also value equality in relationships. I am not into the whole ‘opposites attract’ thing. Characters have to be compatible.

And one other thing. Chemistry is in the eye of the beholder. What one person sees as chemistry someone else might not agree and that’s okay. It’s okay to disagree it's not okay to be a hater.

#ships #supernatural #star trek #castiel/hannah #fandom

4 notes · View notes

niennavalier · 5 years ago

Text

Okay I wasn’t planning on doing a DS9 rant post but here it is, under the cut in case I get annoying about DS9 and romance and Julian in particular

Okay, so I swear, the writers went into the show with this idea that Julian Bashir was gonna be this fresh-out-of-med-school brilliant, attractive doctor with charm to spare and something like this ladies’ man kinda attitude. Maybe (hopefully) not that sleazy, but still. And then it didn’t really work in season 1 in regards to Jadzia, so they dropped that storyline (thank fuck).

But then it’s so weird when I think they’re trying to kinda keep it alive through the show, except it literally never really works quite right? Even though the DS9 writers are legitimately good with writing the other romances on the show?? Kira and Odo? Absolutely adorable, I would die for them. Jadzia and Worf? Who would’ve that that’d work? Not me! But I’d die for them too!

(Yes, all of these characters have other romantic interests at times, some good - like Lenara Kahn - and others less so - Bareil is really boring and Lwaxana Troi DID NOT need to be there - but they also get these fantastic long-term stories)

Meanwhile, for my favorite doctor? I might be missing some but here’s what I could think of whilst typing: Melora was...sorta forgettable (I forgot about the episode until I was just scrolling through all of them). Technically fine but...forgettable. Leeta...honestly I never understood this pairing. I legitimately don’t remember ever seeing them get together on screen; best I recall, they were just together one day and we were supposed to just accept it. Which...whatever, I’m not a fan, and this pairing did nothing for either of them. Serena, I actually liked; they were cute together in that one episode, but at the same time I’m torn because I truly believe the writers made the right choice in that she had to experience the world for herself. For all the cuteness, I much prefer her discovering her own self-worth and think that’s better for her as her own character.

And then. There’s Dax. The first couple seasons? Awkward as fuck. No thanks. But then him and Jadzia become like, best science buddies! And he painfully third-wheels for her date with Lenara in Rejoined! And it’s like “wow now that’s true friendship right there”. And I loved that relationship so much! We watched Julian grow up a lot since the pilot, and honestly, him becoming best friends with Jadzia matched that change really well. Going from this kinda juvenile crush and strange persistence to a much more mature friendship. I mean, there’s one episode (which I can’t place at the moment) where there’s some crisis on the station and they’re hiding somewhere, she’s hurt, and they’re both freezing. And he’s holding her, and she makes some comment on how past-him would’ve used this as an opportunity to try and spark something between them. But present-him isn’t like that anymore, and watching as the audience, there truly isn’t weird romantic tension between them. It’s intimacy and familiarity and comfort without the weight of romance. And it’s perfect.

But then all of a sudden, the back half of season 6 starts happening, and apparently he’s always loved her? And it’s like...where did this come from?? You were doing so well, writers, what happened?? It just...suddenly brought back all the awkwardness of season 1, except at least this time, he’s not acting on it. So instead it’s just weirdly angsty and 100% out of left field. (Also Quark loves her, which is random but less concerning to me cause at least it wasn’t reviving an abandoned plot point, like with Julian) (The Quark point isn’t relevant, but I just felt like saying it)

And that whole thing just put the biggest pit in my stomach, cause I knew about Ezri joining them in season 7 and I was just like “nooo pleeeease don’t get him together with Ezri”

Apparently I just live to be disappointed.

Full disclosure, I actually haven’t fully watched the scene where they get together, but my roommate did end up coming upon a scene of them together in bed, and I’m not that stupid. Bonus: I’m about 6 away from the end, and that in itself is kinda concerning, because now I’m double concerned that it’s gonna be rushed even worse than I thought it would. Because, as of now, she has had barely any contact with Julian, outside of just being part of the senior staff (aka being a main character). I can honestly only actively remember them having one conversation, which just existed for her to say that if Worf hadn’t shown up, then Jadzia would’ve chosen Julian. Which...okay...what now? Worf didn’t show up until season 5, wtf is this about? If Jadzia was actually in love with Julian, she would’ve done something about it. Jadzia Dax is NOT passive about what she wants, and it’s what makes her such a joy to watch. She’s even willing to act against her own culture out of her love for Lenara, despite hesitation because yeah, that’s a lot of risk. She’s willing to leave her friends to be with the dude she met in that weird world that blipped between universes. She acts with her heart and without fear, even in situations where there are barriers stopping her from doing what she wants. There was never such a barrier with her and Julian, so yeah, no, if she’d wanted him - truly wanted him - she would’ve gone for it.

The scene only exists for them to try and justify putting him together with Ezri, and it SUCKS on every conceivable level.

(Also yes, I know they have some other, normal conversations, but they’re never particularly interesting or impactful, so I don’t remember them, and that probably says something in and of itself)

For one, their lack of conversation and just...general shared screentime is so small that I can’t buy the idea that the two of them actually know each other that well. Even if they did bond off-screen, thus far, the show itself never actually gives any evidence of that while they ARE on screen. They have the same level of chemistry that Julian and Kira should have (although, strangely, the characters have much better chemistry than their screentime would seem to indicate but...well they were married IRL so...yeah). Friendly colleagues, but that’s really it. And yet, he’s gonna fall in love with her?

I don’t think so.

He’s in love with Jadzia (apparently. but that’s a different complaint, seen above). He’s in love with a past life of the Dax symbiont. That past life just happens to be contained now within Ezri, and it’s the only conceivable reason I have for why he’s interested in her at all. Realistically, had Ezri Tegan never become Ezri Dax, I doubt Julian would’ve had the same thoughts about her. Granted, people can meet by circumstance and fall in love - I’m not shitting on that idea - and I’m not implying that Julian is a dick by any means, but the show itself doesn’t give us any reason that he would fall for her. Like...what traits of Ezri does Julian find himself attracted to, aside from the fact she was once Jadzia? I don’t think the show ever actually gives any answer to that question. She may carry some shades of Jadzia’s habits and idiosyncrasies and such, because that’s how joined Trill work, but she’s also very much still Ezri. And, for the sake of her character, that should be really important? So, frankly, it’s actually just...really insulting to Ezri? That she’s not loved for who she is, but who the Dax host was. And that’s honestly just awful.

And I actually just thought of this while writing this post and complaining about that one conversation, but it also sucks for Julian a bit, too? Like, the way Ezri phrases that one line - “If Worf hadn’t come along, it would’ve been you” - it feels to me like he was very much the second choice. And...would that not feel awful to be told that? Basically that you were someone else’s back-up plan. I mean, I can’t speak from experience, but I can’t imagine that feels good. And plus, now he knows that Jadzia apparently had those feelings for him, which Ezri now carries with her. Which...wouldn’t something about that just feel wrong? These aren’t Ezri’s feelings exactly; she’s just stuck with them. And Julian is fundamentally a good person who has some idea of how the Trill work; wouldn’t this be a little like he’s...not quite using her, but allowing her to act on feelings that aren’t actually, truly hers? So the situation ends up being that she might not really love him, not as Ezri, and that would really suck for both of them.

Granted, that’s not to say she couldn’t decide that on her own; she totally could, but the show hasn’t laid the groundwork for that. And it’s also not to discredit feelings that linger from past hosts. Jadzia and Lenara are drawn to each other because of Torias and Neilani, but they also do legitimately fall in love with the people they are now and bond over their shared interests in their present forms. Honestly, the show even makes this distinction? When Ezri and Worf are stuck together, they definitely sleep together, but the show makes it fairly clear that it’s pent up tension from the two of them not talking, combined with the fact he and Jadzia were newly married. I’m pretty sure they decide it’s not really something to pursue; it was just what happened out of old instincts, not out of actual love between the two people actually involved.

Mostly, I take issue because of the first sentence of that last paragraph. The show just never sets it up. If it showed her and Julian having chemistry, I’d have far fewer complaints about this. (For fuck’s sake, I think she had a deeper conversation with JORAN. THE MURDERER. Than she really did with Julian. Now that’s a problem)

Long story short: they really shouldn’t have kept trying to shoe-horn romance in for Julian. All of his stories work better without, particularly in the long-term. The chemistry is just...never there with his long-term potential partners the writers throw at him. He really does have the best chemistry with Miles and Garak. That’s all fantastic.

(Which is to also say: I get that it was the 90s but I really wish we could’ve gotten our disaster bi doctor and his lizard spy boyfriend. Just saying)

#from the mind of niennavalier #ds9 #did this turn into a long way to justify julian and garak?#a little #but im also annoyed #oh and to clarify #i dont speak from experience comes from the fact im very much not in a relationship #and never have been #just wanted to make sure im not coming off like im so perfect or something #im not #im the biggest dumbass i know and its fun #oh also i just thought of this but dont wanna reformat my rant #but the scene where ezris like #oh my god im in love with julian #and its such a surprise to her #its like #same #im also surprised #where is this coming from #tbh id think it was ironic if not for the fact she and julian are apparently gonna sleep together #also fun fact #my brother wanted to start a podcast of the two of us talking about random shit #with side series we do separated about whatever we want #he wants to do cars #and im like what do i do?#tv reactions??#and decided maybe i will #record my reaction to the two of them together #which will probably just be eternal screaming #but still

2 notes · View notes

autieami-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Matters of Faith: Chapter 1 (a DS9 fic)

Yoooo I’m posting the first chapter (1,700 words) of a new fic below--

It takes place during the Dominion occupation of DS9. It follows a Vorta who comes to Bajor as a Dominion representative. Themes are religion, free will, ethics, found families, Kira being sarcastic, Odo being grumpy, the Vorta being very confused, cute little kids, and emotional turmoil.

Chapter 1 of like, 5 or 6 total probably?

Matters of Faith, chapter 1: The Dominion Walks Into a Bar

The bar was dimly lit. It always was, these days. Supposedly to save money on lighting costs, but Kira suspected that the real reason Quark kept the place so dark was so that he didn’t have to see the bragging, swaggering Cardassians and the sulking Jem’Hadar littering the tables that had been so recently filled by laughing Bajorans, talkative Humans, Andorians and Bolians trading jokes and playing Dabbo.

Or perhaps she was injecting too much of her own mood into it, and Quark was just staying true to his miserly ways. Either way, she didn’t mind the shadows obscuring the ugly faces of the occupying force.

“Something on your mind, Major?” a gravelly voice said, interrupting her thoughts. She turned to smile at Odo, sitting next to her at the bar.

“I’ll give you three guesses what,” she said, taking a sip of her drink.

“Mmm. The color of the decorations for next year’s Gratitude Festival on Bajor?” he deadpanned.

Kira snorted with laughter. A Jem’Hadar at a nearby table gave her a disapproving glare, and her smile faded.

“I wonder if we’ll have one,” she said quietly.

Odo wrinkled his brow. “Why wouldn’t there be one? Has the Dominion shown any sign of opposing it? I can talk to Weyoun if so.”

“Not yet,” she shook her head, earring jangling. “But you know how it is with takeovers. The Cardassians made sure one of their top priorities was cutting down on religious observances. You can’t have a slave thinking anything more than the day’s labor exists. They might start thinking there are more important things than bowing down to their scaly masters,” she replied bitterly.

Odo grunted and turned to look at the entrance.

A Vorta stood in the doorway, tailed by a group of hulking Jem’Hadar. The Vorta, who looked ludicrously small next to the soldiers, looked around the room until her gaze fell on Odo and Kira with a benevolent smile.

“Oh, joy. Another visitor come to lick your boots,” Kira said, rolling her eyes. “I think an important duty has just come up for me on the other side of the station.”

Odo raised an eyebrow. “I thought you found watching it amusing.”

“Oh, I do, but the entertainment value doesn’t make up for the sickening factor.”

Kira started to push back her chair and leave, but the Vorta had already waved her attendant Jem’Hadar off to another table and was approaching them, hands clasped behind her back.

Odo cast a beseeching glance at Kira, who sighed in defeat and remained sitting, as the Vorta bowed her head in greeting.

“Hello Constable, Major. Might I have the honor of joining you?”

“Pull up a chair and join the party,” Kira said in a tone that sounded like an invitation to a funeral.

“Thank you so much,” the Vorta said, seating herself carefully on a stool beside them.

A low growl came from the table where the newly arrived Jem’Hadar sat. A stocky soldier glared at the three of them, before turning his head away with a sneer.

The Vorta gave a tinkling laugh. “I do apologize for Lorin’Lar. I’m afraid he disapproves of my talking to the False Founder. He disapproves of most things, though, so it’s nothing personal.”

“How reassuring,” Kira said sarcastically.

The Vorta smiled beatifically. Kira wondered if oblivion to insult was programmed into the Vortan genetic code, or if it was just a cultivated talent.

Odo steepled his fingers and gave the Vorta the sternly unamused look he reserved for suspects and people he disliked. “Who are you, and why are you here?”

“What can I get you?” Quark interrupted as he came up to them and leaned on the bar with an elbow.

The Vorta tilted her head in thought. “Hmm. Do you have anything with a good texture?” she asked.

Quark grinned, showing off a row of crooked, pointy teeth. “I have just the thing. Renarian whisky. As smooth on the tongue as a lie.” He filled a glass from behind the counter with a bottle of treacly greenish liquid, and set in on the bar with a flourish before moving off to serve another group of customers.

“Vorta can’t taste much, so we mainly go in for interesting textures,” the Vorta said by way of explanation as she took a careful sip. “You should try Icthian Swampbrew sometime. It feels just like you’re drinking fur.”

Kira suppressed a shudder.

The Vorta took another sip of her glass, then placed it on the bar and clapped her hands together. “So! Who I am and why I’m here.”

Odo crossed his arms “I’m waiting.”

“My name is Dorriv. I have the honor to be a Dominion Representative to the wonderful planet of Bajor. After a brief stop at this station, I’ll be heading planetside to greet our new allies, and to oversee some minor technological manufacturing issues that have arisen because of the Federation’s lack of support. While I’m on the station, I could hardly pass up the opportunity to meet you, Odo.”

“What a surprise,” Kira muttered under her breath.

“Sarcasm, I assume, Major.” Dorriv chuckled. “You forget that we Vorta have even better hearing than your Ferengi.”

“They’re not ‘our’ Ferengi” Odo said with irritation.

“And thank goodness for that!” Quark called from the other side of the room where he was polishing a tabletop.

Kira wondered, silently this time, why two of the most annoying species had been given such good hearing.

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Dorriv continued. “I’ve never had the opportunity to meet a Founder, having been cloned in the Alpha Quadrant, so I’m not going to miss the opportunity to meet one now, even if he is misguided.”

“You’ve met him. Congratulation,” Odo said.

“Thank you!” Dorriv beamed. “I wanted to ask you about your side of the story. I’m trying to learn more about my faith and deepen my understanding of the Founders, so I thought that perhaps you could explain why you’ve decided to forsake the truth.”

“What, the Dominion hasn’t come up with some propaganda-soaked explanation for that yet?” Kira said with a laugh as Odo snorted.

“Of course they have,” Dorriv said. “You’ve been sadly led astray by the devious and hurtful solids, and it’s proof of just how amoral and wicked the enemies of the Dominion are that they could corrupt even a lonely Founder. But you will in time, inevitably, come to see the goodness and superiority of the Dominion and rejoin the fold.”

Kira grinned wickedly. “Poor Odo. I never knew how much we evil solids had corrupted you.”

“I’ve hardly been brainwashed,” Odo growled.

“Of course not, of course not” Dorriv said, sounding like she was reassuring a child. “And so I would like to hear your side of the story.”

“So you can better understand what went wrong?” Kira asked innocently.

“Exactly,” Dorriv replied.

Odo gave the jerk of his head that was his equivalent of rolling his eyes. “Do you believe the Founders always speak the truth?”

“Of course,” she nodded immediately.

“Did the Founders tell you that all Founders were infallible?” he continued.

Dorriv was slower to reply this time.

“Founders may, on rare occasion, be misled. That has been proven by yourself.” she finally said.

“Did they tell you all Founders were infallible?” he pressed.

The Vorta twisted her glass nervously in her hands. “I was cloned in this quadrant. I only know the new rules,” she said defensively.

Odo slammed his hands on the bar. Kira blinked and Dorriv jumped in her seat. At the tables around them, startled patrons looked up briefly, then slowly returned to their drinks and conversations.

“Did the Founders,” Odo growled, his voice filled with contempt as he leaned forward and stared at the Vorta, a single strand of hair falling in front of the dark shadows around his unblinking eyes, “ever tell the Vorta that all Founders were infallible.”

Dorriv squirmed in her seat like a fugitive being grilled. Kira almost—almost—felt sorry for her.

“Yes,” Dorriv finally whispered.

“So they lied to you,” Odo said.

Dorriv started to protest, to make excuses, but Odo cut her off.

“So they lied,” he said.

Dorriv closed her eyes.

“Yes,” she said flatly.

Odo started to speak, when a heavy hand clamped on his shoulder. Turning, he stared into the craggy face of a Jem’Hadar.

“You will leave the Vorta alone, false god,” Lorin’Lar snarled.

“I thought you jarheads were supposed to worship the Founders,” Kira snapped, dark eyes flashing.

“It’s quite alright, Lorin’Lar,” Dorriv spoke up. “You may leave us.”

The Jem’Hadar still glared at Odo, without moving.

“Lorin’Lar!” Dorriv said, frowning sternly. “You will leave.”

The soldier turned and stomped off, heavy feet banging against the floor.

Dorriv sighed. “My apologies. I’m still trying to housetrain that one.” Her hands trembled ever so slightly as she took another sip from her glass, but her gaze was steady again.

Odo grunted. “This conversation has gone on long enough. I have duties to return to. Good day, Major. Dorriv,” he said, saying the Vorta’s name like an insult.

Kira lingered behind as she watched him leave step into the light of the Promenade and walk out of sight.

She turned to Dorriv with an incredulous smile. “You sure don’t act as worshipful as the other Vorta.”

Dorriv frowned. “I know. I’ve been watching the Founder when the others talk to him, and he always seems so uncomfortable. I thought addressing him more casually might make him feel more comfortable. Do you think I went too far? I hope I didn’t offend him. Should I apologize?” she said, wringing her fingers and looking at Kira with confused eyes. “Should I-“

Kira held up her hands to cut the Vorta off and shook her head, laughing. “I’m sure Odo preferred it.”

Dorriv sighed in relief.

“But,” Kira continued, her smile hardening, “you’re still a sycophantic little toady who would burn an orphanage if told to. You’re just trying to pretend you’re not. Cut the crap and think about what he said. Do you want to unflinchingly serve gods that lied to you?” Kira pushed her stool back and walked out without looking back.

The Vorta stared after her for a minute with thoughtful eyes. Finally, she picked up her drink, swirled it lazily, and finished it.

#ds9 #writing #star trek #fanfic #vorta #dominion #founders #odo #kira #jemhadar #i hope its good i honestly have no idea #matters of faith #fic

1 note · View note

pb1138 · 7 years ago

Text

Custody Arrangements

So, don’t ask me why because I really don’t know, but I just seriously needed to write this headcanon I have about Odo adopting a daughter. (I blame this episode. It’s the one where Odo and Dax are helping find 22 missing people and Odo is having to “interrogate” a little kid.)

Quick summary: Odo recalls different points in his daughter’s life as he walks her down the aisle at her wedding.

Warnings: Some minor gory details in the 3rd paragraph.

OC with Dad!Odo, OC x Jake Sisko

This came out like 10x longer than I thought it would and I am very not sorry. (It’s 9 pages in Microsoft)

Out of everything Odo could turn himself into, one thing he never in a million years thought he would be was a father. He certainly never thought he would be a single father, on top of that, not that he was interested in romantic relationships anyway. Or children. Maybe once or twice had the very minor thought of maybe procreating if maybe they were able to find others of his species and maybe he could find a mate and maybe that was something his species did anyways.

It was a routine day, a handful of petty thefts and a minor altercation between Quark and an angry Bajoran. Nothing too out of the ordinary. That is, until 14:65 when a damaged Klingon vessel came to the station and Commander Sisko called Odo and Bashir to the docking bay. One very injured Klingon had woman stumbled out of the doors and promptly collapsed into Bashir’s arms, fading fast. Bashir called for backup medical teams and then had Ops transport him to the infirmary. Odo nodded to Sisko and Major Kira as they all drew their phasers and entered the ship.

It was utter carnage.

There were multiple hull breeches barely held together by weak shields. Dozens of systems were offline. And the bodies. There were at least a dozen Klingons strewn about the place, thrown over consoles or under chairs. Sisko and Kira went around, checking pulses and Odo pressed deeper into the vessel. More bodies, some of them not Klingon, decorated the hallways and other rooms. The dining hall was the worst. The Klingons had obviously been carrying passengers, although to where Odo couldn’t fathom. There were a handful of other species involved here, Bajorans, a few Cardassians, even a Ferengi, and several humans. Families, Odo noted with dismay, including children. He walked through the bodies, looking for signs of life among the massacre, but seemed to find none.

He was joined moments later by Sisko, who upon seeing the destruction, brought his wrist up to his mouth, perhaps to stifle a bout of nausea. He looked at Odo, his eyes filled with a mixture of concern, sadness, and expectation. Odo shook his head slightly and Sisko let out a heavy sigh. “Well, I suppose we should begin reviewing the system logs before this whole ship falls apart.”

Odo nodded and started after Sisko. He was almost out of the room when he heard it: the smallest of coughing. He spun around, eyes darting around the room, searching for the source. “Commander!” he shouted, spotting the small hand moving behind an upturned table. He ran towards the child, sliding to his knees as he found her. It was a child, seemingly human, female, approximately six years. She was injured, but alive. “It’s ok, it’ll all be ok,” he said to her.

Sisko came running into the room, medical team on his heels. “Odo?” He ran to the other man, dodging the obstacles in his way.

“A child, Commander,” Odo called. The girl opened her eyes and for a moment, time fell apart. Odo was met with lovely, deep chocolate brown orbs that looked straight into his soul. He smiled down at her and told her she’d be fine again. As the medical team set up around her, her eyes drifted shut again and he handed her to them ever so gently. They immediately transported to the infirmary with her, leaving Odo and Sisko in the dining hall alone.

Sisko clapped Odo on the shoulder. “Good work, Constable,” he breathed. “Let’s go see about those logs.”

The logs had revealed that the transport was a passenger ship on its way to the Gamma quadrant to establish a colonial settlement. They had had the misfortune to come across a small band of pirates who had made quick work out of scanning and attacking them. The Klingon vessel had managed to severely damage two of their ships and even completely destroyed one before they had retreated, but the damage had been too severe, damaging all major systems including navigation, life support, and basically everything but the emergency beacon and the shields covering the hull breeches. It’s a miracle anybody was left alive.

A few days had passed, and with them, the Klingon captain. The girl had almost pulled through, needing just another day or two of rest and treatments. For some inexplicable reason, Odo felt compelled to visit the infirmary multiple times a day to check on her progress. Everyone, even Dax was surprised by this sudden outburst of concern, but most found it endearing.

On the fifth day, Odo had been having a disturbingly quiet day at work, so he decided to visit the girl a while longer than usual, not that Bashir minded. Odo had been reading through reports when he heard the smallest of voices from the bedside, “You have a funny face.”

Odo looked up in surprise and immediately stood to cross closer to the bedside. “You’re awake. Do you feel alright?” He tapped his combadge, calling Bashir to the infirmary.

The girl looked up at him, her gigantic eyes looking into his soul again. “What are you?” she chirped out.

He folded his arms behind his back and leaned down slightly. “That is a very impolite question. But to answer, I am a shapeshifter.”

She only blinked once in response and turned her tiny head to look around. “Where am I?”

“You are on a space station, in the infirmary. Doctor Bashir is on his way to check on you.”

“Are you sick?” she had taken the tricorder from the table near her bed and was looking at it.

“No. I just came to see that you were alright.” He stopped her from reaching for the laser scalpel, pulling the table away from her.

She didn’t answer again, pulling herself to sit up in the bed. He watched her for a few moments as she observed the room around them. Odo felt that she had an unusual maturity for a child her age. Probably to be expected, given what she had just been through.

Bashir finally arrived to the infirmary and beamed at the girl. “Well, look who is awake.” He started on his barrage of medical questions, confirming that she is, in fact healthy and well.

Once he got the all-clear, Odo began on his basic security questions. “What’s your name?”

“Talyssia, but I don’t like it very much.”

“Oh? And what do you like to be called instead?”

“Tali.”

“Ok, Tali. My name is Odo. It’s very nice to meet you. How old are you?”

She had to think for a moment, putting a tiny finger up to her chin. She pulled her messy mop of brown curls away from her face and into a weak ponytail. “Seven.”

“My, you’re practically a young lady.” She giggled at that. “Do you know where you’re from?”

“No, but I know we were going to the Chamma Quadrad.”

He chuckled slightly. “The Gamma Quadrant. Yes, we know.”

“Where are my Mommy and Daddy and K’oroll?”

Bashir took the girl aside and explained what had happened to her as gently as he could. Odo felt that the doctor was better suited to handle this situation, so he left them alone as the girl wept.

And then the question of custody arose. They had managed to figure out that the girl’s “K’oroll” was the Second in Command upon the vessel, a close family friend by the girl’s explanation. They were able to find through the manifest logs that the child’s parents were a Betazoid male and a human female, but nobody could find through any of the computer databases if there were any surviving family members. Sisko was forced to contact the governments of both Betazed and Earth to attempt to establish next of kin. When none could be found, both planets insisted custody belonged to them.

Odo and Sisko had been listening to the two dignitaries argue over vid-com for what felt like years before Odo finally snapped. “We are getting nowhere. I think it’s time we bring the child into this. She might know the names of some family friends that can help us establish new guardianship.”

Begrudgingly, the two dignitaries agreed. Odo had retrieved her, and they attempted to see what the girl knew, but unfortunately she knew nothing.

Finally, after several more hours, it was decided that she should remain on DS9 until proper arrangements were agreed upon. Which then led to the next big question: with whom would she stay? O’Brien was the first logical choice, what with Molly. Tali insisted she would not go with him. The next best guess was Bashir, as the doctor had spent a considerable amount of time with her. Again, she insisted she would not go.

This went on for three more names before Sisko finally conceded and asked her with whom she wanted to go. She turned her deep brown eyes to Odo and a smile crept upon her face. “Him,” she said, a tiny finger pointed at him.

And that was that.

Tali came to stay with Odo, who had arranged for a small bed to be put in his room in Security. Odo tried to keep her busy outside of his duties, but was forced to bring her along once or twice when no suitable babysitter could be found. Never anything serious, of course, usually just a minor discourse with Quark (who the girl seemed to thoroughly enjoy, much to Odo’s dismay.)

Several weeks had gone by, and still there was no word on new custody arrangements. Indeed, Odo had almost forgotten about them when Sisko called him to Ops one day.

“Odo, I’m afraid I’ve got some news,” the Commander began.

“What is it?” If Odo’s hair were real, it would have risen along the back of his neck.

“I’ve just been in contact with Earth and Betazed.”

“Oh?”

“They’ve been able to find nobody who is related to Talyssia, nor anybody who was acquainted with her family. It seems all their friends were upon the K’aghto when it was attacked.”

“Where does that leave us then? An orphanage?”

Sisko heaved a great sigh. “That’s an option. There was another option, suggested by the Betazed representative…”

Odo quirked his brow, head tilted. “Yes?”

Sisko smiled slightly, intertwining his fingers in front of his face. “Well, it was suggested that we, or more specifically you, be granted custody.”

Odo’s eyes went wide and he let out a stammer, trying to find words, any words.

“I--.”

“Of course, you don’t need to decide right this second. Take some time, think it over. See what Talyssia thinks. Take all the time you need.”

When Odo went home that night, he tried very hard to hide his indecision, but it seems that either Tali is very observant, or she is able to feel even his emotions. “What’s going on?” she asked, looking up from her coloring.

Odo furrowed his brow, considering how to ask. He sat beside her on the ground, his arms up on his knees. “Well. I’ve been given an option. We’ve been given an option.”

“Option?”

“It means a choice, a decision. You can either go to one of your home planets to live with other children or…”

“Or what?”

“Well. You could stay here. With me. If you want to, that is.”

She set her crayon down and put her hands under her chin, squinting her eyes and pursing her lips in concentration as she thought. She nodded to herself and smiled up at him. “I want to stay with you, Odo.”

Odo smiled back at her and nodded in response. “Well alright then. I will inform Commander Sisko immediately.”

…

The guests’ music was starting. Odo was standing in front of a mirror, straightening the flower he wore in his lapel. He took a few steadying breaths. Nervousness was not something he was accustomed to.

“How are you feeling, Odo?”

Odo turned to O’Brien. “Oh, I’m. Well. I’m a lot of things. I’m nervous, excited, ecstatic, worried, and—”

“I understand.” The Chief smiled at him and patted Odo’s shoulder. “I would be, too. I’m terrified for Molly’s. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to actually be going through with it yet.”

“Mostly I just keep thinking, ‘Where did the time go?’ It feels like yesterday I signed the adoption papers, and here I am today. Where did it go?”

O’Brien smiled knowingly. “If you could drink, Odo, I would give you a nice tall glass of whiskey.”

Odo smiled slightly. “I appreciate the sentiment in any event.”

…

In the blink of an eye, Tali was 14 years old, and Odo had never felt such pure agitation before.

“I just don’t understand what happened, Talyssia. You were doing so well.”

She sat on the couch of their small apartment, arms folded, eyebrow raised in agitation as she looked anywhere but at him.

“I mean. I understand skipped homework every now and then, even an hour or two playing hookey, but this? Now I have just about had it, young lady. You had better explain yourself this instant!” He hated yelling, but after finding out that you hadn’t been to class once in the last two weeks and you had been ignoring a considerable amount of schoolwork for far longer than that, he went straight into Constable mode.

He was met with moody silence, which only furthered his anger. “Talyssia, I am speaking to you.”

She glowered at him for a moment before sucking her teeth and looking the other way.

“That is it, young lady. You are confined to your quarters every day for the next three months except for school which I will personally be escorting you to.”

She gaped at him. “You can’t do that!”

“Oh, I can and I am, missy. If I need to I’ll even assign an escort to you to ensure you stay in class. Now, march it missy, straight to your room.”

She growled in frustration and threw herself off the couch, stomping angrily to her bedroom.

Odo shook his head in dismay and rubbed his face. “They weren’t kidding when they said teenagers are difficult.”

…

“How are we doing, gentlemen?”

Odo and O’Brien turned to Sisko.

“Ah, Commander. We’re doing just fine.” O’Brien smiled at the C.O.

Sisko smiled and reached for Odo’s hand, clasping it in a firm handshake. “I never in a million years would have thought it would turn out this way, my old friend.”

Odo returned the handshake. “Nor would I, Commander.”

“Please, Odo, in light of the circumstances, maybe Benjamin?”

Odo chuckled slightly. “Pardon my French, but there’s no way in Hell.”

The three of them laughed at that.

…

19 years old, Tali had taken on a job in the security office. As what, Odo still wasn’t quite sure, as she did little more than study while she was on duty. Every so often, she would complete out a small stack of reports, to make it seem like she was doing something. Odo didn’t really mind, though. He enjoyed her company, as did many of the others in the office.

That day had been extra busy for security, between Quark attempting to cheat Morn and several Bajorans out of their latinum, a visiting Klingon transport, and the arrival of Lwaxana Troi. When Odo had heard she was coming, he seemed positively flustered. He even went so far as to darken his hair a little bit and lighten his clothes. Tali had watched in fascination before she suddenly remembered the name and a wide grin spread across her face. “This is the elevator woman.”

Odo turned to her, eyes wide. “’Elevator woman?’”

She smirked. “Dad, I know you know who I mean.”

He cleared his throat, straightening the Padds on his desk. “Well, if you must know, yes.”

She squealed with delight. “This is so exciting!”

“What’s so exciting?” Dax had entered the office, her pockets flush with winnings probably from Tongo.

Tali beamed at her. “Dad’s girlfriend is here.”

“Lwaxana Troi is not my girlfriend,” Odo blurted.

Dax looked at Odo then at the girl. “Wow, I’m not Betazed and even I know he’s bluffing.”

The two women laughed and Odo shook his head, grumbling to himself.

“So, what’s the story?” Dax had sat beside Tali, nudging the younger girl with her shoulder.

“Apparently they were caught in an elevator for like six hours, right?”

Dax nodded. “I remember something like that.”

“Well, Dad tells me that it was ‘a surprisingly eventful and pleasant experience.’ I don’t want to think about what exactly that means, but I’ve never before in my life heard dad refer to anything as ‘pleasant.’”

Dax ‘oooo’ed this information and smirked at Odo. “Well isn’t that something?” she mocked.

Odo let out a large, exasperated huff and promptly left the office, leaving the two women laughing after him.

…

“Odo, are you ready?”

Odo looked towards the door where Dax stood in very fine clothes. Tali had asked her to officiate since Curzon had been ordained, at least as a Klingon officiator. He looked at O’Brien and Sisko who both smiled at him and gave him little, ‘good lucks’ before leaving the room to take their places.

Dax smiled at Odo who looked himself over in the mirror once more before nodding. “As ready as I am ever going to be, I think.” Dax beamed at him and took him by the shoulder, leading him out of the room.

…

Suddenly, Talyssia was 27 years old. She had taken a job working under O’Brien so she could avoid the larger crowds of people. She was an unexpectedly gifted engineer, taking to the job with an ease that surprised even her. It had been a few months since taking the job in the first place, so when she came home beaming, Odo had expected to hear she had been promoted or something of the sort.

“Dad, you’ll never guess what happened today!”

“Were you promoted?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, Dad, but nice to know that’s immediately where your mind goes. No.” She walked over to him and took her hands in his, guiding him to a chair. “You’ll want to be sitting for this.”

“For god’s sake, just tell me already,” he grumbled.

She stood back and shook her hands out, a common gesture meaning she was nervous. “Now, don’t pass out or freak out or anything like that.” She grinned at him again, her chocolate eyes alight. “I’m, well, Dad, I’m engaged!”

It had been a very good idea to have Odo sit, even moreso that the chair was plastic and bowled so when he liquified, he was caught in the chair.

She gaped at the puddle, dropping her hands. “Well, god Dad, let me know how you really feel.”

She turned to walk away but was enveloped in strong arms. He laid his head on her mess of curls, shaking slightly. She looked up at him and saw something that amazed her—he was crying. Smiling, but crying. Her own eyes teared up and she threw her arms around him, laughing with him. He pulled back and gripped her shoulders, beaming down at her. “I’m so happy for you, my darling.” He pulled her back to him and held her for as long as she would let him.

…

“Talyssia?” There was no response at the door for one or two minutes. “Tali, darling, it’s time. We’re all waiting for you.”

“Just a second, Dad!”

Odo relaxed slightly. He had begun to fear you were getting cold feet. He certainly would have hated to have to arrange for the Promenade to be cleared out again. This time nearly killed him. When the door opened, however, everything else melted away. If Odo breathed, he would have held his breath.

She was beautiful. Her curls had been pulled back and pinned with elegant crystal pins, her makeup was stunning and accentuated her eyes, the dress was just perfect. She was perfect. Odo felt tears come to his eyes again.

“Oh, geez, Dad, don’t start. It took me thirty minutes to get this eyeliner right.” She chuckled at him.

He breathed a laugh and wiped his eyes. “You look absolutely beautiful, Talyssia.” He pulled her to him in a hug, rocking them ever so slightly. “I love you, sweetheart.”

She smiled up at him and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “I love you, too, Dad. Now, we better go before Quark starts a bidding war on whether or not I’m coming.”

“Too late!” Quark called from the hallway.

Odo and Tali laughed before Odo took her arm in his, clasping his hand over hers. Instead of traditional bridesmaids, Tali had enlisted Morn to be her bridesman and Quark as her man-of-honor. It was a little awkward, considering that Nog was the best man, but Tali felt that only made it funnier.

Odo and Tali approached the end of the walkway and he glanced at her. “Are you ready?” he breathed.

Tali patted his hand, smiling at him. “You’re not getting me to back out now, Dad. No such luck for you.”

He chuckled. “No such luck.”

They started down the aisle, and Tali caught the eye of her step-mother, Lwaxana, who winked at her and projected into her head, “You look stunning, kiddo, absolutely a knockout.”

Tali giggled slightly and winked at the older Betazed. She turned to look up the aisle and breathed a soft sigh when she saw Jake, looking very regal in his fine clothes next to Nog who had borrowed one of Quark’s smart suits. Jake was absolutely beaming at her, and even with her half-Betazed-ness, she could feel the warmth of his love as if he were standing right next to her.

She blinked, and suddenly she was standing a few feet away. Dax was smiling widely at all of them, this mashup of a bridal party before she asked, “Who is chosen to give this amazing young woman away?”

Odo smiled at his daughter, all the pride in the universe in his heart. “I, her father, am.”

6 notes · View notes

fiveexclamations · 8 years ago

Text

Fic Title Doppelganger Author Me Fandom Star Trek DS9 Pairings Kira Nerys/Akellan Macet, background Kira Nerys/Odo, other background pairings. Rating M Warnings Violence, mild smut, minor character death (relaunch novels. Timeline Woven in and around the relaunch novels Notes Bit of cross posting as I re-read and edit Disclaimer Just for fun, not making any money. Chapter One - The devil you don't know "Colonel!" Kira Nerys closed her eyes for a moment, fighting down a wave of... what? It wasn't revulsion, or hatred, it was more like... confusion. Like a Bajoran Timpani band crashing about in her head with emotions for instruments. She squared her shoulders and turned. There it was, the face that went with that voice, uncannily like Gul Dukat, yet with disconcerting differences; looking at him felt like re-visiting a place you once knew well and finding new trees had grown and new houses had been built. It was horribly uncomfortable. She drew a deep breath. "What can I do for you Gul Macet?" Equally disconcerting as his appearance was his manner, a slight hesitancy whenever he was in her presence, that was so alien to a façade she associated with endless arrogance and a constant invasion of both her physical and mental personal space. "I apologise for accosting you," he said, his voice even, almost indifferent. "I have a message from Ambassador Lang; she wonders if you would join her for dinner this evening in her quarters, at 20:00 hours?" Kira raked a hand through her hair, trying to form a diplomatic reply. As far as it went she quite liked the Ambassador, admired her even, but everything was complicated by First Minister Shakaar and his blocking of peace talks with the Cardasians. However much Kira disapproved she needed to consider carefully any social engagement that might give her old lover an excuse to question her impartiality when she tackled him on the subject, but... A little ball of anger and anxiety started to roll in her belly when she thought about what Second Minister Asarem Wadeen had told her about Shakaar's manipulation of the peace talks; should she worry about the opinion of a man who was betraying Bajor's best interest to suit some convoluted plan of revenge? Especially when he'd left her to the wolves when she was attainted by the Vedek Assembly? Sadly, she realised that she had more faith in a Cardassian she'd met only a few times then she did in her own planet's leader and worse, her ex lover. With a start she realised she'd been staring silently over Macet's shoulder, probably with her emotions playing out across her face if his polite but faintly bemused expression was anything to go by. Again, she had that warped sense of seeing two people at once; Gul Dukat would be smirking at her distraction, stepping into her space, his breath on her cheek, his proximity crawling up and down her skin and in through her eyes and mouth to churn through her veins, making her so, so angry. Macet shifted his weight and coughed, snapping Kira back to herself again; she found her hands had balled into fists and felt a blush creep up her neck, under her uniform. If the Gul noticed he gave no sign and ridiculously that made her crosser still. However, her new role came with new responsibilities and new expectations, including that she would not punch diplomats even when she couldn't control her feelings around them. She forced her hands to relax and nodded stiffly, "Please tell the Ambassador I'd be delighted." He looked at her silently, for a long moment, then nodded courteously and turned away. She watched him go, crossing the bridge above the promenade, looking about him with interest. It was another difference between the cousins; Dukat had rarely looked at his surroundings, probably from sheer self-absorption. However much their surface was alike, somehow she was going to have to accept that under the skin, Skrain Dukat and Akellen Macet were very different men. Either that or the later was a very good actor. ... Kira had carefully considered what to wear for her dinner with Ambassador Lang. She wanted to show the woman the respect she deserved, which normally meant dress uniform, but at the same time she did not want this meal to be viewed as a diplomatic meeting; essentially, she wanted to send a clear message that this was a social visit. Accordingly she choose an outfit from her limited supply of formal off duty wear, a loose pair of trousers of a silky fabric and a fitted, crossover top in a rougher texture and a darker, woody purple shade that Jadzia had once said contrasted nicely with her hair. Rummaging in a cupboard, she found a bottle of aged spring wine that someone had given her at the last gratitude festival, to take as an offering, and taking a deep breath, set off for Ambassador Lang's quarters. The downside of her casual dress was that it caught the attention of everyone she passed; Colonel Kira out of uniform was a rare sight and people tended to double take and notice the bottle in her hand. Finally, when she reached the door of the Ambassador's quarters and pressed the chime, she was in clear view of two Bajoran security men, a Bajoran woman she recognised from one of the shops on the promenade and of course the Cardassian guard standing outside the door. Word would certainly get around. "Enter." Kira nodded out of politeness to the Cardassian guard, who ignored her, and stepped through the opening door. Only as the door shushed shut behind her did she realise that the voice had not been the musical cadence of Ambassador Lang, but the far more masculine and familiar tones of Gul Macet. She froze just inside the door; the Gul was sitting in the window, his impassive gaze upon her, apparently just disturbed from a little star gazing. Kira looked around searching for any sigh of Natima, but unless she was hiding in the bedroom, perhaps waiting to jump out and shout "surprise", she was not there. She shot a look of enquiry at Macet, pushing down the automatic adrenaline rush that came from being enclosed with a Cardassian in uniform, never mind one who looked like him, until she heard what he had to say. He stood up slowly, almost carefully, making no move to close the distance between them. "Ambassador Lang sends her apologies; she has just received several communications from our government and has had to go to our ship to decode them. She will join us as soon as she can and has asked me to entertain you in the meantime." He gestured to a table, set to one side, with places for three. On the sideboard a variety of dishes and drinks, mostly Cardassian and Bajoran were waiting. Kira's natural instinct was to turn on her heel and walk out, but she stopped herself; this was not Dukat. This man had never commanded an internment camp, or a mining station. This man had spent every year, of every military campaign he had been involved in, on his ship, obeying the commands of people like Dukat; he had killed Bajorans, ship against ship, soldier against soldier, but never preaching that subjugation was for their own good; hating him for his war record would be preposterously hypocritical. This man had joined Damar's rebellion; this man had worked for peace with Captain Picard. This man had spoken up against his own government, when that was a dangerous thing to do and somehow survived it. She knew all this because she'd read every scrap of information the Bajoran militia and the Federation had on him. It behoved her to treat him with some respect, and caution of course. She tilted the bottle in her hand to show him the label. "Where shall I put this?" ... The food was very good. Macet managed to be courteous without fussing; he didn't pull out her seat, or insist on fetching her food, but he did wait until she had served herself before filling his own plate, and when he realised that she hadn't sat down he politely indicated that she should choose her own seat. "Does Ambassador Lang have anything specific she wishes to talk to me about?" asked Kira, before taking a bite of Mapa bread spread with a delicate fish pate. Macet paused and seemed to consider the question, "I don't think so. I think she just wanted a change of company." Kira cocked her head on one side, "What about you, how do you find the company aboard the station?" "I find very little company at all, as I'm sure you have noticed. I try and stay out of sight, except for when it's strictly necessary." The Gul compressed his lips, "As we have discussed, my face hardly evokes pleasant memories for the inhabitants of this station." Kira nodded. "How do you feel about that?" she asked bluntly, wanting to see his reaction. Macet lowered his forkful of Veklava on to his plate. "I feel it is understandable. I feel it is kinder to stay out of the way when I am not needed but I feel no compunction in being visible when it is needed. For example, I am aware that I make you uncomfortable, but I feel no need to do anything about it. I am not Dukat." For the first time she heard irritation in his voice, well controlled, but still there. She raised her eyes from her plate and met his steady, cool blue ones, so unusual in a Cardassian. Ironically, his emotion reassured her more than his careful impassivity had. She felt herself flush, "I'm sorry," she said, with her sometimes devastating candour. "I wish I could separate your face from, from him." The Gul took a sip of red leaf tea, "I am open to suggestions Colonel." Kira thought for a moment, "Tell me about your family?" "My Father came from Lakat. He met my mother at the University of Culat, where he was studying military science and she was studying medicine. As the sixth of eight children and the third of three daughters, she had such a small dowry that she wasn't expected to marry. So, she used it to study for a career. My father," Macet smiled into his cup, "defied his own parents, who were determined that he would make a good match, and married her as soon as they had both graduated and three days before he was due to ship out on a three month mission." Macet raised unguarded eyes to look at Kira, she could see his pride in his parents shining from him. "I was born ten months later. My father left the military and became a professor of tactics at a provincial university, where farmer's sons went in the hope of becoming soldiers and escaping the plough. My mother became a surgeon at the local hospital. I have one sister." He paused and cocked his head on one side, as if inviting her to comment. "That's a small family for a Cardassian couple," obliged Kira. Macet nodded, seemingly satisfied. "Intentionally so, my parents disagreed with the Cardassian tradition of large families. They considered it incompatible with our planet's lack of resources, that it fostered an overly militaristic agenda." "Oh." Kira frowned and started pushing some Rigellian paka beans around her plate, thinking about what he was telling her. It was all consistent with what she had read in his file, but still interesting. "What about you, are you married? Any children?" Again, she asked a question she essentially knew the answer to. "Yes, I am married. We have no children." "I'm sorry," said Kira, honestly. Macet raised a brow ridge. "Sorry? Why?" She gave him a startled look, "I thought all Cardassians were desperate to have children?" He smiled grimly, "My wife does not want children. At first because she wanted to wait until my career was established and later... let us just say, we grew apart." "I'm sorr-," Kira broke off realising that she was repeating herself, "I see." "No need to be sorry Colonel," responded Macet cheerfully. "She is happy pursuing her artistic interests. I believe her current lover is a member of the Cardassian arts council, and considering what little art is left intact on Cardassia I should imagine he has a lot of time for her," he gave the Colonel a tight, dry little smile. "More time than I ever did. I, until the beginning of Damar's rebellion, had had a long term relationship with my ship's science officer." Kira tried to hide her surprise, "What happened?" "She didn't want to join the rebellion and left my ship." His expression became a little sad, "I have not been able to find her since. Though I have no interest in resuming our relationship I would like to know if she survived." Kira topped up her wine glass. "War hardly promotes a stable love life," her mind drifted to Odo and resolutely turned away. "No Colonel, it does not." He sipped his tea again. "May I ask you a question?" "Of course," she shrugged; he had probably read her file too. "Were you and my cousin ever in a romantic relationship?" She choked on her spring wine. "No!" she finally managed to splutter, after Macet had slapped her on the back, immediately withdrawing to a polite distance when it was obvious she wasn't in any danger. "Why would you... Who said we were..." her face twisted in distaste, "romantic?" she spat the word like a curse. He shrugged, "I met my cousin from time to time and on the last few occasions," he thought for a moment, "over the last four or five years I think, more in the early part of that period, he spoke of you. Though he never actually said you were intimate, it was clear that he was interested in that outcome and your discomfort around me... I wasn't sure whether that was causing it," he shrugged again. "He might have been interested, but..." Kira paused and took a deep breath through her nose. "He made, overtures, I suppose. I never seriously thought that he really expected me to give in to them. I always assumed it was to throw me off balance, to put me on the back foot." She huffed irritably, "Did you know that my mother was one of his women? I only found out a couple of years ago, and it wasn't like he had a chance before but..." she pulled a face as her stomach churned at the thought. Macet's expression mirrored hers, "No. However it does not surprise me. I doubt if it would be any comfort to you, but for a time my wife was also one of his women." Kira flumped back into her chair, her mouth hanging open, the situation was just so ridiculous; here she was having dinner with the image of Gul Dukat, discussing Gul Dukat's love life. She snorted and then, inappropriately, started to giggle. Her host raised his brow ridges but let her laugh without interruption, which emphasised just how unlike Dukat he was. Dukat's pride would have been lacerated; Macet seemed at most, faintly irritated. Finally, a soft chirrup made her jump and hiccup into silence. Macet stood up and crossed to the other side of the room, where a Cardassian pad lay on a table. He grunted in surprise, "A message from Natima, the communications are taking more time than she envisioned and she will be staying aboard our ship all night. She apologises for being such a poor host and hopes I am looking after you adequately. His eyes strayed to the table where both their plates were relatively untouched. "I'm not sure I can reassure her on that point." Kira looked up at him and held out her glass. "Give me some more wine and I'll see if I can do some justice to this meal." He gave her the suggestion of a smile, the first one she recalled seeing on his face. "Very well Colonel." "Call me Nerys, your cousin used to do it without my permission. Think how annoyed he'd be that I've invited you to." His mouth twitched, "And I am Akellan," he said gravely, topping up her glass. ... Akellan Macet turned out to be good and surprisingly easy company. By mutual, if unspoken agreement they moved away from personal topics and discussed some issues of command. This led Macet to tell an amusing story about reversing a Galor Class spaceship into a Napean space station, causing a serious diplomatic incident; Kira caped this by telling him about the time she accidentally dropped a delicate bomb into the sewage system of a small Cardassian Military base, causing every toilet in the building to explode simultaneously and catching the base Commander at a most inconvenient moment. Macet roared at that and she couldn't help laughing with him. He stopped laughing first, fixing his disconcerting, light eyes on her face. His intentness stilled and quieted her. Suddenly she was wary; there was a tension about him that she wasn't used to. "What?" He didn't answer her immediately, but sat turning a Moba fruit over and over in his hands, his eyes on her face, "Why did take so much responsibility for Ziyall?" Kira shook her head, not because she didn't understand the question, but because she didn't understand why he was asking it. "Because she was innocent. She didn't deserve to be scorned by Cardassians or Bajorans, because of the accident of her birth." "But it connected you to Dukat," he said reasonably. "That must have been very difficult when you hated him so much." Kira shook her head again, "You don't understand, I hated what he did. There were times when I could, would have killed him to stop it. He made me so angry, no-one has ever made me angrier. Not just because of what he did, but because of the tiny moments when you could see what he could be. He gave up everything for Ziyall, he put her first, he actually cared about her mother. However appalling the relationship was when it started, however he might have deluded himself when he said she loved him, I believe he loved her, as much as he was able. I think that when he said he wanted the best for the Bajoran people he actually believed it. She dragged in a deep breath, "He was deluded and arrogant and self absorbed. In those rare moments when he was at his best he thought he was at his worst, but he wasn't true evil, not until the end, not until after Ziyall died, I believe that, I really do." She realised that she was standing and that she'd been punctuating her words with jabbing fingers. Her hands dropped and she swayed a little, lost in confusion and for a fleeting second she wondered just how much wine she had drunk. She took an unsteady step around the table, choosing to enter Macet's space, something he had never done to her; he had always maintained a wary distance, always moving away rather than towards her, whenever he had the choice. "Why aren't you like him?" She asked, like a child asking why the sky isn't green. He didn't answer immediately, just stood up and looked down at her, his usually flat blue eyes tumultuous, "Because I am not him." He stepped backwards, putting distance between them again. "I must go Colonel; it's getting late. I'm sure the Ambassador will not mind if you show yourself out." Without a backward glance he turned and left. Kira watched him go, jaw hanging. She took a few, hasty steps as if to follow him, span back and kicked over her chair. She huffed out a breath and glared at her tipped seat. What the hell was going on? What had she been doing?

#star trek ds9 #kira nerys #akellan macet #star trek ds9 fanfic #kira/macet #kira nerys/akellan macet #minor kira nerys/odo

1 note · View note