#i just don't want people to yell at me for non-sexual nudity

[pyromaniacblujay]

i prefer showers. they don't usually last long enough to give me time to think

[nochd]

"Nudists are the most non-judgemental and accepting people on the planet!"

No we're not. We're just people like everyone else.

We are the most non-judgemental to fellow nudists and most accepting of fellow nudists on the planet. So, just like every other group.

Before I was a nudist, I was an Evangelical Christian. (Some people are both of these things at the same time, but they didn't overlap in my life.) I can tell you that to Evangelical Christians, fellow Evangelical Christians are the most accepting people on the planet -- despite how very different they look from the outside.

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When I was eleven, a group of twelve-year-olds at my intermediate school took it upon themselves to deconvert me from Evangelical Christianity and, in particular, to cure my Christianity-induced phobia of sexuality and nudity. They told me they were Satanists, and they were going to drag me into the girls' toilets and force me to look at girls' bodies.

I was terrified beyond words, to the point that I couldn't bring myself to go outside at lunchtime that day, and when a teacher told me I had to go outside I broke down in tears, and this led to the twelve-year-olds being yelled at and made to apologize (in very blasé tones, I might say), and the threatened intervention never happened.

At the time, of course, what I thought was "What horrible people non-believers are! How they hate us! And how blatantly they revel in obscenity!"

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But, you know, it's really strange. As soon as I left Evangelical Christianity, suddenly there were hostile Evangelicals everywhere. Members of my former church followed me down the street haranguing me about my salvation.

On the internet, which was becoming a Thing around that time, it was even worse. Suddenly the Hateful Right-Wing Christian Fundamentalist wasn't the baseless stereotype we'd always assured each other it was.

There wasn't social media then, but there were forums for getting into arguments with strangers on. Christians arguing with atheists lied and obfuscated, spouted insults and threats of violence.

It almost came to seem as if Christians were the horrible people and the non-religious were the nice ones.

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On any side of any kind of dispute, people have this ingrained idea that their own side are better, nicer, more moral people than their opponents.

It's maybe clearest and funniest with shipping wars in fanfiction. I swear, I have seen people say, in full seriousness, "Zutara shippers don't abuse and threaten others. Only Kataang shippers do that."

It makes me want to buy a megaphone and yell in their ear, "Your own side don't abuse or threaten you, but that's not because they don't abuse or threaten anyone, it's because you're on their side."

And now I've figured that out, I can't un-figure it out. I see it in every political dispute at every level of importance.

This is why (e.g.) so many Evangelical Republicans can't believe their fellow Evangelical Republicans did the January 6 insurrection -- because from their point of view, Evangelical Republicans are the good guys, and the good guys would never.

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Nudists, naturists, whatever you want to call us, are no different.

Six or seven years ago, the naturist organizations where I live had some kind of falling-out with each other. I've still never heard the full story of what happened; I only know that one side invited me back to their events and the other didn't.

Not long before that there was an international falling-out in the world of naturism when Sieglinde Ivo got voted out as president of the International Naturist Federation, only to have the vote overturned the following year.

This is not how the most accepting people on the planet would behave. It's how averagely accepting people behave.

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The We Are Good And They Are Bad mindset is on track to kill us all if we let it. And I'll admit that We Are Good And They Are Meh is not as bad as that. But I think it's better to practise thinking We Are People And They Are Also People.

[marshmallow--3]

I've been thinking about something today

And it's one of those where I don't care if it never gets read, I wanna write this up for me

It got long so:

But I thought about how supportive Jake and Steven would be with me as their non-binary partner

(NB: I don't mention Marc because I don't have any attraction to him. I of course recognise he is a part of the system, he's just more of a friend than a guy I adore)

I thought about how angry and passionate Jake would get correcting my pronouns when people get them wrong

This came from an idea that @missdictatorme messaged me about yesterday, where Jake is edging you and a neighbour mistakes your sounds as Jake being unable to make you cum, he shouts abuse at him out the window like, "JUST FUCK HER WITH A DILDO YOU IMPOTENT FUCK"

And I thought about Jake yelling back, "IT'S THEY, PENDEJO, GET IT RIGHT"

My heart swelling at how he chose to defend me over his penis 🥺🥺🥺

And another idea is one I've been thinking about all day is with Steven

I just can't imagine I'd ever be okay with him seeing my chest either during sex or in the non-sexual moment of nudity, I'd be wearing a t-shirt during sex

But then when I have top surgery, once everything is healed up and I'm clear to exercise, I'd like to think I could be shirtless around him

Like obviously there's still a lot of stigma and trauma to overcome first, for a while I'd still see them as ugly, as taboo breasts that should be hidden from the world

I thought about him lying on the bed and me being able to take my shirt off and cross the room and lay with him, but I know I'd chicken out from doing that

So maybe I could sit next to him on the bed, let him lay a hand on my chest on top of my shirt. That's at least a step forward, I wouldn't have let him touch my chest at all before, it's a big red no no area

And overtime, building it up so instead of him placing his hand there and keeping it still, he could start to move it around, trace circles with his palms, spread his fingers out like wings

And when I finally do feel comfortable to let him take my shirt off, keeping my eyes to the side to try and trick myself - if I can't see him looking then he isn't looking, kind of thing

But I know he's looking

And I know his face is all heart-eyes

And I think about him tipping my face towards his to kiss me so softly and sweetly, his hand laying over my flat chest

It's the first time his fingers are coming into contact with my chest and god I'd feel so bare and exposed to him, that I'd swear his hand were touching my heart 🥺

And making love to him for the first time with a body that feels more like me 🥺😭

I can never have the body I want because that involves magic and shape-shifting, but at the very least I can remove things that destroy me every day

And knowing Steven would support me every step of the way and feel so lucky to be the one to be there throughout the whole thing, God I'm almost crying in McDonald's

Also I'd wanna be Steven's boyfriend (ik ik this is a binary but I like it, okay?)

And I'd wanna be Jake's partner