#i just awoke up at 7am and started thinking about him for no reason

[zombiepedia]

i think hs2 fucking butchered dirk strider. i will not elaborate just know the epilogues and dirk strider villain era does not exist to me

[reidology]

Dying in a bathtub - Hotchreid

Summary: Hotch gets nightmares and hides in the tub, so Spencer makes it comfy for him <3

Word count: 4.4k

Content warning: discussion and description of nightmares, smut, brief description of physical abuse, light angst, quite fluffy, happy ending <3

AO3

__________________________________________

The first time it happened Spencer woke up shivering, the cold of a missing body beside him seeped through the sheets chilled his bones. He braved a lazy glance to his bedside, squinting to see the alarm clock blinking big and aggressive red numbers. 05:25. Aaron must have gone out for a morning run, something Spencer never understood. In fact, his reasoning of ‘why run, when sleep?’ whenever Aaron attempted to get him to join always earned him an affectionate eye roll and kiss on the cheek, so why would he ever give that up? No promise of endless coffee can get Spencer Reid to wake up before 7am, much less for exercise.

Reluctantly the sleepy man made his way to the bathroom, knowing he might as well shower and get ready for work now, there’s no way he could get back to sleep without his human furnace of a boyfriend covering him completely. Only, through his grogginess he failed to notice the boyfriend-shaped body softly snoring in the tub.

So he padded over to the semi-closed shower curtain and blearily reached in to turn the water on for it to heat up while he got ready.

Almost as soon as the water turned on, a high-pitched shriek assaulted the young agent’s eardrums. Spencer did what, in his opinion, any caught-off-guard fully trained FBI agent would do— he squealed in shock and fell back on his ass. A moment later the shower curtain pulled back, revealing a very irritated -and very wet- Aaron Hotchner.

“Babe what the fuck,” the older man whined, wringing out his shirt and turning the freezing water off, “I was sleeping!”

“Oh this is my fault?!”

“Yes! Couldn’t you see me?!”

“I just woke up!”

“Me too!” Aaron pointed to his wet shirt as if to say you have no excuse for this.

Spencer let out a frustrated sigh and pushed himself up from the floor. Somehow he upset his boyfriend, he guesses apologies are on the table. He carefully stepped into the bathtub to face his dripping boyfriend and wrapped his arms around the soaking man’s neck, “I’m sorry,” he pouted quite prettily, “But honey, why were you sleeping in the tub?”

“I didn’t sleep in the tub. I went to sleep in our bed, then you woke me up in the tub.” Aaron grumbled.

Spencer thought Aaron looked positively insane. His eyes focused on the older man’s pupils as his hands checked for a fever.

“Do you have a concussion?” He couldn’t help but fret about the man who is usually so well put together. He was obviously in distress though what kind of distress completely eluded the dry man. Aaron waved Spencer’s worried hands away from his face, “No. Spence, I’m telling you, I didn’t sleep in the bathtub.”

“Then how did you get here?”

Aaron shrugged and swatted Spencer’s nosy hands away that were trying to inspect the grumpy man for any injuries, “Who knows? Let’s get some breakfast.” He calmly stepped out of the tub and headed out, leaving Spencer confused (for once).

“... But it’s 5 am.”

_____

Two nights later, it happened again. But this time Spencer awoke to the sound of sobbing. His heart just about broke in two at the sight of Aaron curled in on himself in the porcelain tub, shaking and covered in sweat.

The Unit Chief used to have terrors most nights. After Foyet, all of life’s problems seemed to unravel in his dreams. The sounds and images were so vivid that upon waking up he believed he had done what he’d dreamed. That he’d hurt his family or that Foyet had come back to finish the job.

During hard cases, Aaron would forgo sleep completely, knowing his mind would only haunt him with terror beyond his conscious capabilities. It left him exhausted and agitated for the rest of the investigation. The team and LEOs got frustrated but none had the guts to confront him, except for one young agent who took special notice of his boss.

So Spencer stepped in, and after weeks of getting closer and learning more about each other than they had in the past five years of working together, Aaron digressed and accepted the help that was offered. The following three months ensued so smoothly, the therapy was helping and Aaron couldn’t believe he was sleeping full nights again. He knew it was all thanks to Spencer, who had taken up a very special place in his heart. Aaron knew that Spencer would always be there when he woke up, like an anchor. Something real to hold on to and keep him in place.

It had been a while since Aaron had such a bad episode, luckily Spencer knew just what to do and jumped right into action. Without missing a beat, the younger man climbed into the tub and sat by Aaron’s head, taking hold of one of his white-knuckled fists and gently coaxing it open by rubbing his thumbs from the palm to the back of the hand. Constant pressure, soothing, real. With one hand he threaded his fingers through the brunette’s damp hair, stroking softly at his scalp, willing his nightmare mind to latch onto the familiar touch.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.” He murmured sweetly like a mantra.

Eventually Aaron’s panicked sobs dissolved into pained whimpers, his body lost some of its tension, allowing for Spencer to gently lift his boyfriend’s head into his lap and off the hard floor of the tub. The whimpers died down to light trembles and Spencer shushed him comfortingly, continuing to sooth him with gentle strokes to his head. Slowly Aaron’s eyes opened and Spencer felt the moment panic set in. The taller man’s breathing quickened and tension returned to his body, frozen in fear. God, Spencer should have turned the lights on.

“It’s just me, darling. You’re home, Aaron. This is home. You’re safe.”

Aaron trembled more, his eyes glazed over as if reliving the nightmare, “Shhh you’re safe.”

Spencer placed a feathery kiss on his boyfriend’s forehead that seemed to anchor him immediately. Tentatively, Aaron looked up at his rescuer, relieved to be in his lover's arms and away from the nightmare universe that had felt so real. He burrowed further into Spencer’s lap, wrapped his shaking arms around his boyfriend’s steady hips. He tried to focus on Spencer’s heartbeat in an attempt to regulate his own. Spencer was warm, Spencer was safe. Always safe.

“Foyet?” Spencer asked cautiously, breath fanning over the older’s forehead. Aaron stilled at the name then nodded. The younger man knows that Aaron needs to talk about it immediately, even if it’s terrifying. It allows him to discern dreams from reality, so that the events and sensations of the night terror don’t ingrain themselves into the man’s memories of reality .

“... and Scratch,” Aaron gulped, “They had Jack. I couldn’t... I didn’t know what was real. Couldn’t tell if it was really Jack. He made me hurt him. Oh god, Spence… I hurt him.” Sobs wracked the pained man’s body once again, unable to forget the horror of the dream. Spencer rocked them back and forth.

“Shh… Jack is fine, he’s at Jess’s. You would never hurt him, Aaron.”

Aaron was spent, he couldn’t muster up the energy to talk. He fell asleep once more in his partner’s comforting hold.

_____

The next morning they woke up with aching muscles from being in the bathtub for so long. Spencer couldn’t help but be worried about his boyfriend. There was definitely something going on, and though he respected Aaron’s privacy immensely, he was afraid of the older man getting into a dangerous situation. Was he sleepwalking to the bathroom? What if he tripped and hit his head on the edge of the tub? But most importantly, why were Aaron’s nightmares leading him to the bathtub?

Spencer nuzzled Aaron’s neck in an effort to wake him up a bit more. “Darling, we need to talk about this.” The worry in Spencer’s voice was audible and prompted Aaron to sit up and sigh deeply. He didn’t think this part of his life would ever come back up to the surface, he’d avoided thinking about it for decades and he didn’t know what triggered the habit to resurface. But now it’s affected Spencer, and he knew he couldn’t keep the love of his life in the dark, but some things were so hard to talk about.

Aaron found himself panicking again, flashes of Foyet and his father clouding his mind once more. Images of Sean taking cover in Aaron’s arms while their father pounds on the bathroom door-

“I know. I-” He was cut off with the sweetest kiss.

“You can take your time sweetheart. No rush.”

Even at this stage in their relationship, Aaron wasn’t used to being treated so well. The kindness that naturally radiated off his boyfriend was enough to make his insides melt, the understanding words never ceased to choke him up. But he knew Spencer would be there to put him back together once he gave him all his pieces. He buried his face in the younger’s neck, breathing in the scent of his shampoo, relaxing into his hold. Spencer wrapped his arms around Aaron’s lean form, offering a safe space. Aaron had never been this vulnerable with anyone before his relationship with Spencer.

After a moment of just holding each other, Aaron’s breathing mellowed out and his voice cracked as he explained everything.

“After Sean was born, my dad started drinking. He’d always been somewhat aggressive, scary even. He- he’d get angry and take it out on my mom… and if she wasn’t there... But when he started drinking it got a thousand times worse. I vowed to myself to protect Sean at all costs, I promised him I would never let our dad get to him. So I took the brunt of it when he was sober. But when he was drunk… he would chase us, try to get to Sean specifically. He was just a little kid 5 or 6, I was 15. He would scour the house to find Sean so I took him and locked us in the only room in the house with a lock… the bathroom. I’d carry Sean in my arms and make a run for it. I blocked off the door with a cabinet and we sat in the tub until he passed out.. My dad couldn’t get in but he would pound on the door so loudly, his voice was so angry-”

Aaron inhaled hard, the grip on the back of Spencer’s shirt tightened and his breathing shallowed. Spencer continued rubbing soothing circles on his back, allowing Aaron to take his time.

“The bathtub was the only safe space for Sean and I. We spent whole nights in there, waiting for my dad to pass out. Sometimes we’d tell stories, play games, but other times we cried and I covered his ears with my hands, not wanting him to hear the horrible things our dad was saying. This went on until I went to college, I tried to take Sean with me but my mother wouldn’t allow it. My dad died a year later, when Sean was 9.

“I- because of that, if any of us had nightmares we’d go into the bathroom and sleep in the tub, because no one could get to us in there.”

Aaron swallowed thickly and timidly looked up to the honey-haired man. Had he sounded pathetic?

But Spencer cupped his cheek once again and kissed him lovingly.

“Thank you for telling me. You’re the strongest person I know, Aaron. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that.”

Aaron’s heart skipped a beat, warmth spreading through his chest. He swallowed down all his uncertainties and let Spencer in, he was proud of himself. Both of them yawned in succession, still exhausted from last night and uncomfortable from sleeping in the bathtub.

With a cheeky grin the younger man announced, “Let’s go to bed, I’ll get us the day off.” Aaron was so grateful.

While he called in sick, Spencer had an idea, and he knew just who to call.

_____

“Boy Wonder! How wonderful to hear from you on this frabjous day! We miss you and the Bossman dearly. We are definitely… working. Work is happening, and we’re doing it, and it’s getting done. You can trust me on that. Definitely no piñatas in the break room, where would we even find one on such short notice? Emily doesn’t even know where to get balloons! Anyway, what magical service may I bestow upon thee today, my little lord?”

Spencer bit back a chuckle, “Hi Penelope. Listen I need some advice on… interior decorating-”

Immediately, he got cut off by a squeal, “I’m on my way!”

“No! Garcia- after work-”

The line goes flat.

“Dammit. I should’ve just texted JJ.”

_____

Despite her best efforts, the rest of the team did not let Penelope leave the BAU for a ‘design emergency’. Fortunately for Spencer, that gave him some time to plan what he wanted to do while cooking lunch for his sleeping beauty.

After a full meal of soup and grilled cheese, Hotch retreated to the living room hoping to watch some History Channel with Spencer. They love watching the conspiracy shows together and debunking the awful propositions. Though Hotch learned quite surprisingly that Spencer is very open to the idea of aliens on Earth. However, he has a suspicion that that’s mostly wishful thinking on the part of Spencer's inner child. Nevertheless, it’s adorable and Hotch was excited for it, and waiting patiently for Spencer to finish cleaning himself up.

Before he could question what was taking so long, their doorbell rang a sweet lullabye sound (they had to change it from the awful buzzing that it was- it was too overwhelming for Spencer). Not expecting any company, Hotch was puzzled as to who could be at their door.

“Who is it?” He spoke through the intercom.

“Bossman! Sorry to hear about your incurable case of Work Sickness! If you could let me up, I brought you some warm soup!-”

Spencer bounded through the foyer from the bedroom, practically hopping over furniture and knocking down a flower arrangement, “I got it! I got it!” he heaved frantically.

“Babe, what’s Garcia doing in front of our building on a weekday?”

“Nothing Aar don’t worry about it, Penelope and I are just going out for lunch, see you later!”

Spencer grabbed his satchel and was out the door.

“But- Spencer you just had lunch!” The curly haired man was already running down the steps, “Bye!”

It was Hotch’s turn to be left alone and confused.

_____

In Penelope’s car, Spencer explained his idea to Penelope, without going saying too much about Hotch’s nightmares. In true Penelope fashion, the bubbly bits-and-bobs connoisseur knew the perfect place to get what Spencer needed. Penelope dragged Spencer around the independently-owned home goods boutique like a lost puppy for about two hours. She ended up with more bags for herself and Sergio than what Spencer needed.

A few texts and one missed call from Hotch wondering what the hell was taking Spencer so long prompted them to leave. Spencer thanked Penelope in front of their apartment and air kissed her goodbye, promising to show up at girl’s night next week..

Spencer walks into the foyer as quietly as possible and hides the bags behind the living room’s entertainment center.

“Spencer?”

“Yeah! I’m home!”

Aaron walked out of their bedroom with a soft smile. His round glasses were on, meaning he’s been reading… or looking at case files.

“Are you going through the case?” Spencer scolded.

The bespectacled man didn’t waver. “There’s something the victim’s parents said that doesn’t add up, they said that every Thursday Mandy went to soccer practice after school and swim practice in the next town over in the evenings. She takes the bus so if the unsub was stalking her he’d either have to take the same bus and risk getting caught or have a car- which goes against our age profile- so that would mean there’s someone driving him. Spencer, there are TWO unsu-” He was cut off by being pulled into a kiss. He hummed into it and wrapped his arms around Spencer’s slender waist, pulling them closer together. When they pulled apart Spencer whispered “Two unsubs. The team knows, they’re working on it. You-” he tapped his finger on the older’s chin for emphasis, “need to relax today.”

The resulting pretty pout was swiftly kissed away. None of that now.

“But I don’t know how to relax. I’m Aaron Hotchner, stoic as a statue, stern glare extraordinaire, Mr. Emotionless…”

Spencer rolled his eyes and trailed his hands down Aaron’s hard chest, “I know how to make you relax…” The other man grinned “Oh is that right?” Spencer smirked and led his boyfriend to the couch.

_____

That night when Aaron was gone to bed, Spencer quietly retrieved the bags from behind the TV and set his plan in motion.

_____

He’s trembling. And he can’t recognize his own thoughts, he can’t think straight, all he can see is his son- and Haley with terror written all over their faces.

He barely registers the sound of Jack’s wailing because, as if from right behind his ear, he hears a voice that he interprets as his own thought ‘shoot him’.

‘What?’

‘Pull the trigger’

He looks back up to his sobbing, terrified son, and without hesitation- click- BOOM-

Aaron bolted up from the bed, gasping for breath. His eyes darted around the dark. Jack? Where is he- Jack ohmygod-

His vision landed on Spencer’s sleeping form, breathing shallowly and folded into himself like a pretzel, sleeping soundly like an angel. Spencer. Real. Safe. He took a deep breath to regulate his heart. In for 4, hold, out for 6, repeat. This was exhausting.

Groggily, Aaron slipped out from under the covers and headed to the bathroom to get a drink of water and maybe splash his face a little. He thought of getting into the bathtub for the comfort he desperately needed right now, but he’d be embarrassed if Spencer found him in there again. Who does that? But nothing could have prepared Aaron for the sight before him when he opened the door.

Lights. Yellow, green, purple electric lights on strings, illuminating the room in a beautiful calming glow. They were suspended from the curtain rod of the bathtub, taped to the walls. Gorgeously scented candles perched on the sink, some on the ground, a few tea lights lining the edge of the tub. It smelled glorious and comforting and Aaron couldn’t tell what it was. Pine? Sandalwood? Campfire?

The most breath-taking part was the inside of the bathtub. Patterned sheets hung from the walls and draped over to form a delicate roof. Fluffy pillows perfectly laid out to coat every inch of the porcelain interior, and soft blankets piled on top for added comfort. Lights lined the inside of the sheet tent as well, it looked fantastical. Like something out of a book.

Aaron was floored, to say the least. Was this what Spencer had been doing today? He was flooded by a new emotion, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Spencer had done all of this for him? To make him feel safe?

He was still standing just barely in the room, taking everything in and getting emotional when he heard soft footsteps behind him and felt Spencer’s long arms slink around his waist. A chin hooked over his shoulder and a kiss was pressed to his neck.

“Are you alright? Did you have a nightmare?”

Aaron nodded, “You did all this… for me?” A tinge of awe decorated his voice.

“Yeah,” his boyfriend whispered back, “So you don’t hurt yourself when you sleep in here.”

Aaron felt stupid for ever thinking his wonderful, thoughtful boyfriend would ever feel embarrassed by him. Of course Spencer took everything he admitted seriously, of course Spencer cared about what he’s been through, Spencer cares… that's what he’s been feeling. Taken care of. Important. For once in his life, he feels like he’s allowed to let himself be loved.

The stunned man seemed to be frozen in place, not knowing how to respond. His mind was overwhelmed with love for his boyfriend. Spencer pulled away and grabbed the older’s hands, Aaron let himself be led to the makeshift fort.

They climbed in together, careful not to knock over any of the burning candles. Spencer settled on one end of the tub and pulled Aaron into him before he could even think of not cuddling with him. He made space with his legs for his boyfriend to settle between, chest pressed to back, arms wrapped around his love. Safe, warm, and comfortable in a sea of cushions like twin yolks in a shell.

Laying here, in his lover's arms, surrounded by low tranquil lights, and the gentle rise and fall of Spencer’s chest, Aaron felt as serene as he’d ever been. Spencer slid warm hands under Aaron’s shirt, bringing one up to rest cozily on his heart. Aaron turned his head and nuzzled further into Spencer’s neck, feeling the familiar tingle of the man’s touch and murmured a low hum of approval.

Spencer’s other hand, that wasn’t on Aaron’s heart, was used to tip the taller man’s chin up to look at him.

“I know what it’s like to be afraid of your own mind,” he cooed, “sometimes it’s impossible to take yourself out of that world. But in our home, Aaron, I want you to feel safe and protected at all times. I want you to be vulnerable and unashamed. You’re free to be everything you are in here, and I hope that you feel you can be everything you are with me, too.”

Aaron lost himself in his partner’s deep gaze, glorious hazel eyes boring into him. Completely enamored by the words spoken to him, all he could do was nod and lick his lips, trying to regulate his heart rate for a completely different reason now. Spencer had never been so… authoritative before and his sincere but stern tone sent thrilling sparks down his spine. A blush rose up his neck.

Spencer tracked the slow movement of Aaron’s tongue sliding over his bottom lip, and didn’t fight the impulse to drag his thumb over it. “You’re always safe with me.” He barely whispered before angling his head down to catch those lips in a languid kiss. Aaron sighed into it, waiting a little while before pushing himself up to fix their awkward angle. He positioned them so that Spencer was laid down flat on his back, allowing Aaron to lay between his legs once more, chest to chest. They tangled themselves in each other, lips colliding again like a match to a box, igniting a fire in the both of them.

Both were still tired from waking up in the middle of the night, but the desire coursing through their bodies was a more pressing matter. Spencer lifted his hands to frame his lover’s neck and wrapped his legs loosely around his waist, inviting Aaron to grind down onto him, both already half hard from the anticipation. Spencer groaned into Aaron’s mouth. A sound that went right to Aaron’s dick.

They explored each other’s bodies with a youthful novelty, eager to feel more skin. Never once pulling their lips apart. Aaron slipped his hands under Spencer’s shirt and shoved it up under his arms, digging his fingers into those delicious hips. Finally he broke away from the kiss to pepper the younger’s face with sweet ones. Aaron’s heart grew three sizes at Spencer’s soft giggles and let out a low laugh of his own. How ridiculous were they, making out like teenagers in a bathtub fort? Neither much cared to answer that question though, because the impatient genius bucked his hips up to meet his boyfriend’s, who was still in his boxers, let’s get those off.

Spencer eagerly reached for Aaron’s underwear and palmed at his bulge just until he heard that impatient sound from him. He pulled the man’s cock out now fully hard and dripping with precum. A groan escaped the both of them at the sight and sensation. They wasted no time in getting Spencer out of his nerdy physics flannel pajama pants, and grinded their dicks together. Lighting sparked right through the both of them, Aaron balanced himself on one arm near Spencer’s head and took both of their lengths into his right hand.

The rub of their slick cocks together was spectacular as Aaron kept a slow and steady pace, making sure to draw out all the best sounds he knew Spencer could make by nipping at his neck, where he knew the younger man was ticklish. Spencer whined at the excruciating pace, turning into a desperate whimpering mess. Making Spencer wait was so fun.

Spencer’s hands find grip in Aaron’s short hair, keeping him close, feeling the pull of Aaron's big hand on his dick and grinding up to meet him. It’s intoxicating bliss, being taken over the edge by the man he loves.

Their worlds minimized to just the slide of their cocks and the lips on their skin. The whimpering man felt the familiar build up in his abdomen, moaning freely now as he chased his orgasm, guiding Aaron’s hand with his own to feel his touch everywhere.

“Yeah baby,” Aaron encouraged, his own orgasm coming on quickly, “Cum for me baby.”

Spencer sputtered his release over both of their hands and stomachs, momentarily suspended in the intense bliss of his orgasm. He laid there spent, feeling like putty in Aaron’s hands, and pulled him down for a passionate kiss. He took his lover’s cock in hand and pumped him quickly, thumbing the head of his dick on each upstroke. Aaron came with a groan and a shudder, his arms gave out. They laid there catching their breaths for a while, ignoring the drying stickiness between them and tracing slow patterns on each other’s skin. They were so lucky to have each other.

“How are we going to shower now?” Aaron looked up and pouted.

“There’s a perfectly good sink just 5 feet away.” They laughed, Aaron pulled a blanket over them.

------------------------------------------------------

Taglist: @foxtrot91 @physics-magic @ssa-sarahsunshine @hearteyedhotch

[ataraxius]

@16.0300-0010 Life at the Hahnestery

br`16.0300-0010 #820  Life at the Hahnestery  

Dear Marla,

In those days I was really careful to hide all of my rubbering activities. When you live in the same house with someone, the chance of being discovered becomes significant — there is an increased probability that some unexpected incident might let the cat out of the bag.  I seldom put latex on much before 10 or 11pm when I was quite sure that Javin was very much asleep in his bedroom upstairs. (I could sometimes hear him snoring.) I would set two alarm clocks to get me up early to remove it and take my shower long before Javin awoke at around 7am. Not only did I desperately need this job, the longer I stayed at the Hahnastery, the more I began to really like it. I did not want to jeopardize that by having my new employer discover that I was a pervert.

In addition, Javin was turning out to be a decent person to work for.  He expected me to manage the house as if it was my own. When I asked him, for example, if I should clean the downstairs bathroom, his stock answer would always something like, “You’re the housekeeper. If this were your house, what would you do?” and leave it at that. He trusted my judgment and sense of responsibility to take care of whatever I thought needed doing. Mostly, he just wanted meals and laundry, and, even then, he was pretty laid back. (He always seemed to be very complimentary about the food I cooked for him, as well.) About the only specific things he might ask me to do now and then was to help him with some special project, such as making repairs to one of the sheds or clearing junk out of the basement. Once in a while he’d ask me take Woof with me in the truck to Beaverville to get some beer or something.  He’d often tell me that he was very satisfied with my work. He was not demanding at all.

Over the next few weeks I gradually learned how to manage Javin’s household as I became familiar with it’s requirements, rhythms and routines. I began to become increasingly adept at the fine art of shopping and menu planning a week in advance. The nearest super market was 40 miles away — if I didn’t have what I needed, I’d have to wait until the following Thursday when we made our trek into Thorpton. Adding things we needed to the weekly shopping list on the refrigerator became a matter of habit as well as necessity.  

I discovered a small trove of cook books in the library. Some were quite old. Many had words like “really good’ or “too complex’ written in pencil next to various recipes by some past member of the Hahn family. I learned about his favorite foods. As I really like to explore new foods, I suggested that I try 2-3 new recipes he had never had before each week, which he gladly agreed to - he seemed to like just about everything. Occasionally, when I asked him about his preferences on how I should do some housekeeping task, he’d often just shrug his shoulders and reply that I should simply do however I would do in my own house. It became clear that he was fairly relaxed about housekeeping in general and was willing to trust my judgment.  

After lunch I would put the saddle on Sarah and we would walk to the mailbox to fetch the mail. Then I would ride her to the generator grating in the stream above the waterfall to clean. (I’ll tell you more about that later in Cleaning the Grating  (190802-1157.04.br§)). Sarah and I became good friends. Sometimes in the afternoon I would take a book out to her stall or paddock and read for a while, sometimes out loud. I think she appreciated the company. Javin was right; she really was a gentle old soul.

Overall, the demands of the job were very light duty. As he had predicted when he hired me, I seldom worked much past mid-morning except for a brief flurry of activity to get dinner ready.  Javin did not want to be disturbed during the day because it interfered with his writing or the other things he worked on. Interruptions often made him lose his momentum. So, I tried not to bother him then. Our social time together began at dinner when I took my apron off.

Back when I was still with Frank, I had a similar housekeeping routine. Then too, I’d spend my mornings doing the housework and had the afternoons to “play”. I’d often go out and poked about in the shops or, maybe, went to a matinee movie by myself. Some times I would wear that bodysuit with the dildoes under my street clothes.  I have always been a ‘loner”.  I never seemed to have any close friends — most of the relationships I did have were rather superficial.

I had lots of time to myself.

During the day I pretty much had the first floor of the house to myself. Javin would be upstairs in his office most of the day working at his computer. At Noon, he came downstairs and we would have a  quick lunch together. Then he’d go back to work. I tried to avoid interrupting him at his work. Of course, if I encountered some ‘domestic’ problem or needed to know where something was, I’d have to interrupt Mr._Hahn but he never seemed annoyed. Often the problem could be resolved with a quick inquiry over the intercom.

Javin would generally quit work at around 5pm and come down to his library to smoke a joint and have a cocktail while I finished cooking dinner. I could often see that he was often exhausted by then — I think he worked pretty hard. Then, at six o’clock, I would take my apron off and we would sit down to dinner and drop our “professional” identities to become Javin and Carlee again.

I quickly settled into a routine.  I’d put on my apron as I walked out of my apartment into the main house in the morning. I was On Duty now. First on the list was to make breakfast for Javin.  Then he would head upstairs to his office to work and I���d wash the dishes and start in on the myriad other chores. At first there was a lot to do because Javin had not been very diligent in cleaning during the months before I arrived. But, over time, I eventually got all of the rooms picked up, dusted and vacuumed.  

At first I thought the isolation of the place would get to me. However, as the days turned into months, I was finding that, more and more, I really liked being away from the rest of the world. There was such profound peace, quiet and beauty here. It grew into my soul. Perhaps you remember from our days in the dorm together that I had chosen Thoreau as the topic of several of the papers I had written for various classes. I never dreamed that his sentence in Walden, “my own mind is my primary source of entertainment, which never ceases to be novel” would ring so true to my new life at the Hahnastery. You might say that my deep introversion “blossomed” in ways and depth that I never expected. The deeper I went “within”, the more interesting stuff I found there which made me want to go even deeper. It “recharged my batteries”. I was becoming profoundly introverted.

It’s surprising how many people do not understand introversion.  Outgoing, extroverted folks often think of us as “anti-social” if we do not want to be with people all the time. They frequently feel that it is unhealthy to want to be alone. Some confuse it with shyness or even zenophobia. They think that there is something wrong with seeking solitude.  Extroverted people, almost by definition, look outward to other as the main source of their personal energy whereas the more introverted we are, the more we feel drained by social situations and, instead, look inward as a the main source of our vitality. Of course, everyone falls somewhere on a scale between the two. I have found that as I have grown older now, I have swung quite heavily toward  introverted side of that scale.  Neither side is right or wrong. It’s just how we are wired. They are personality traits, not

Javin often commented that the isolation of the Hahnastery continually transformed the people who lived there into “nunks”. That was his non-gender specific term for nun + monk. This also gave increased meaning to the reason why the seemingly ludicrous term “Hahnastery” had stuck and was now part of the everyday vocabulary of the people who lived there.

[looselucy]

Guilt

July 15th “I don’t really remember the first time I started work on the Blood Sun.” Styles tells us, sitting in his quiet New York gallery whilst sipping slowly on a glass of wine, a deep red. “I don’t know if I’ve blocked it out. I know it started with the idea of thunder and lightning, but it veered from that pretty quickly. I had an idea what I wanted from the painting emotionally. I don’t know if I got that with the end product, but I knew I couldn’t get that from thunder. It had to be a sun.”

I was sat in PJ’s in silence, scrolling through a relatively recent article about Harry on my phone as I waited for my breakfast. I had always tried to avoid going online to read about him, because I knew whatever I saw was likely to be monitored and watered down, not even by those reporting on him, but by Harry himself. He was never going to share intimate truths so publicly, so there was nothing real for me to learn, but it had been so much harder to avoid since he’d sent me the painting. I wanted to know what he’d said about it, if he’d mentioned anything about selling it or not. I needed to know everything I could. Styles must be bored of answering questions about his most celebrated work at this point, but it is by far his most intriguing. Not only is the painting spectacular, with stunning mixes of oranges, yellows, and the artists own blood, but it’s a piece he seems to be refusing to sell – no matter how high the offer. “I don’t make art for it to be sold. I make art to express. If selling was the reason I painted, I would have given this up a long time ago. I never saw that as a reason to paint, it was always to do with the feeling, the emotion. I guess the therapeutic side of it, too. I’m not going to sell a piece for the sake of it.” I should have known he would have started painting again when he’d left, but that seemed like confirmation, what with him saying he would have given it up. I didn’t know how to feel about it. Of course I wanted him to continue with his passion, work in a way that showed his talents, made his life beyond comfortable, but it was what came with his painting that made me uneasy. I hadn’t seen anything expressing that he no longer used blood, and I thought that would have be a focal point had it been the case. I cursed his agent, leaping viciously to the conclusion that it was him who kept Harry in the frame of mind, convinced him that he had to paint with blood or people would lose interest. I was sure of it. I took a deep breath in and continued. “That painting means more to me than any number, I don’t think I’ll ever sell it, per se. I’m not even accepting offers anymore.” I question if his new work that he will soon reveal is a way of distracting people from the painting, moving on. “Partially.” He admits. “But it’s also a new time for me. It’s new work, paintings I’m really excited to share. I’m looking forward to seeing how I end up feeling about all this new stuff. What I want to sell, what I don’t. We’ll see.” What Harry has managed to achieve with his art is remarkable. It’s not merely the power of his paintings, something that is preposterously palpable if you’re lucky enough to be in the same room as one. And it’s not limited to the success he’s had, the respect he’s received from his peers ever since he was granted a scholarship when he was still a teenager. It’s the emotions that his work inspires. He is quiet, but with purpose. He doesn’t talk about the inspiration behind each of his pieces, what makes him paint – instead, he throws you in head first to figure it out alone. You are never told what to see or how to feel, every brush of paint open to interpretation. Styles never ties you to the idea of what his work should be, instead his art is open, free of chains, exposing you to the truth of your own emotions rather than lumbering you with the truth of his. There is something magic in his secrecy that allows you to feel personally connected to his work, your feelings valid. In his less is more approach, you are left feeling as much a part of his art as he is. He connects with his consumer by saying so little, a truly impressive feat. Harry Styles is not ours to know, but his masterpieces are, and that’s exactly why our relationship with this extraordinary artist works. Reaching the end of the article, I locked my phone, leaning back in my chair and taking a deep breath inward, the words resting heavily on my chest. It wasn’t even necessarily what they’d been saying in the write-up, not really, it was more the strange sensation of reading about him that way at all. The Blood Sun was still sitting where I had found it. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it, I didn’t even have the space in my flat, not that I thought it would even get through the door. It was almost as though I didn’t dare move it, fear of damaging it, fear of admitting it was mine to damage. It had been almost a fortnight since I’d received it, touched it for the first time, breathed it in, but it hadn’t moved and inch and I was still perfectly clueless. I’d cried that night when I’d got home. Once we were back on the shop floor, I’d managed to get through most of the day at work without talking about it, without really even thinking about it, but the second I closed my front door, I burst into tears. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and just allowed myself to completely shatter, freeing whatever emotion had felt so imprisoned. I hadn’t really stopped thinking about him since, slowly driving myself insane with wild thoughts of the boy I’d once known, the boy who’d left my life and then re-entered it in the most spectacular and elaborate way. I didn’t want to think about him because it didn’t help. Even with him sending me that painting, it didn’t give me any leads, any answers; I still felt entirely powerless. But what was playing on my mind relentlessly was the knowledge that he had been thinking of me. Since he had departed from my life, I’d managed to convince myself that he no longer thought of me at all, that I would never cross his mind. I had been sure he was simply getting on with his life and I had become a hazy memory of his, another girl he had once been with for a few months of his life, another mistake. It was one of the things that had helped me to get over him, to know I wasn’t even beneath his skin enough for him to have dig me out. I told myself that I’d barely scratched the surface. Him sending me that painting made me feel differently. To know he had sat and thought of me, gone out of his way to make sure I became the owner of his most personal work. He wouldn’t have done something so grand on a whim, meaning without doubt that I had been playing on his mind. I wondered how he felt when he thought of me. I wondered what emotions I might stir. I hoped they were positive, and judging by the nature of his gesture they may well have been, but then again maybe his feelings towards me were as complex as mine towards him. Some days I’d think of him and feel happy, grateful we had what we did, that I experienced love in its truest form, even though it wasn’t reciprocated. I had loved him, and I was fortunate to have been able to feel that way about someone who so rarely let people into his life. Yet other days, the thought of us produced anger. Others, upset. Others, longing. It seemed impossible to look back on something so formidable with limited and lax emotions. I knew I wouldn’t find the answers to any of my questions in any article, but it was the only option I had. “Here we are.” Paula approached cheerily, placing my Eggs Benedict down in front of me. “Do you want me to top your coffee up?” “Please.” I sighed as she started pouring the dark liquid from the old-fashioned compressor into my mug. “You look knackered.” She sounded concerned. “Everything okay?” “Couldn’t really sleep.” I looked up to her. “Think I’ve only had a couple of hours.” “Any reason?” “Um… Dunno. I don’t think so. My minds just been working overtime recently. I can’t seem to shut off.” I hadn’t been sleeping well for what I felt was a variety of reasons. No matter how much I tried, how tired I was, it was like I’d get into bed and my head would just start spinning, conjuring up all these questions and ideas and worries that simply didn’t allow me to drift off. And the longer that lasted the worse it got, gradually becoming alarmingly aware that I should have been fast asleep. I’d start counting how many minutes and hours it would be until I had to get up and face another day on so little sleep, tossing and turning and losing my mind. That morning, I must have only drifted off at around 4AM, and yet still I awoke just before 7AM, and I couldn’t get back to sleep. That was why I’d headed to PJ’s, getting in a good meal and an abundance of coffee before I opened the shop for the day. “How longs that been going on?” “Couple’a weeks.” I tried to shrug it off. “It’s nothing, really. M’fine.” “Alright.” She griped, unsure. “I’ll always have free coffee here for you, if you need it.” “Thanks, Paula.” She squeezed my shoulder encouragingly before getting back to work, leaving me to tuck into my meal and pray that the coffee would be enough to see me through the day, because the amount of sleep I’d had certainly wasn’t enough on its own. I was only a few mouthfuls into my first meal of the day when the front door to PJ’s opened, my eyes instinctively lifting upwards to see who’d walked in. It was Chloe and Sam. Though things were okay between the three of us, it still felt awkward then. It was early, there was only one other person there, an old bloke who was sat in the corner keeping himself to himself. It was like it was just the three of us, which made for a rather uncomfortable atmosphere. There was no anger there, no hatred, but that didn’t mean we were at ease. “Hey.” I smiled to them both after swallowing my food, grateful I hadn’t started choking on it the second they’d walked through the door. “Hiya.” Sam greeted, straightening his back out. “Hi.” Chloe barely whispered. I felt bad for her, in some ways. She had never quite figured out how to be around me, weighed down by her guilt even though she shouldn’t have been, and I’d expressed that to her more than once. They shuffled past me, going over to the counter to order some food, whispering between themselves. It was so stupidly awkward, so much worse than it should have been. They’d been together for well over a year at that point, it shouldn’t have been that bad! I sat thinking to myself, knowing it was likely that the reason it was so bad was because we’d let it be. We hadn’t put the effort in to make sure we were all okay with each other, we hadn’t put the effort in and gone out of our way to avoid the awkwardness of our affiliations. We had to get past it. I took another bite, regretting my decision before I’d even voiced my thoughts but I knew what I wanted to do, and as long as I’d put the effort in, that was the best I could do. Once I’d heard that they’d finished ordering, I turned around, closing my eyes and blurting it out. “Do you wanna sit with me?” I opened my eyes to find them both looking at me like I’d gone mad. They were probably right. “Are you… I… Wh-what?” Sam blundered. “Do you wanna… sit… with me?” I said again. “We could just… y’know… talk, or whatever.” “Are you serious?” Chloe dazzled, dumbstruck and emotional. “Have we… done something wrong?” Sam asked me. “No! Nothing, I just… I can’t stand this.” I exhaled. “I hate being this awkward with you both, we need to push past it. So would you just… fucking sit down so we can get over ourselves and just be normal? We’re too old for this bullshit.” Sam just looked amused, sniggering to himself as he sat down on one of the chairs across from me, Chloe following close behind. She was different. She looked as though she could burst into tears at any moment. She sat down, biting her lip to hold back tears as Sam dove straight in with questions, asking about me, about my dad, updating me on how his mum was. I kept catching her from the corner of my eye and she wasn’t settling. She couldn’t ease at all. It was clear she still struggled, with all of it. It was hard for her to sit there with a friend she’d lost, knowing it had happened because of choices she had made. I knew that was why she got upset when she was around me. There’s nothing quite like love, the power it holds over you. I had to be conscious of the reasons why she chose Sam, even when that meant losing her friends. When love is that strong, it doesn’t care about anyone else, who it hurts, what it breaks. When love is that strong, it’s a force to be reckoned with, its pawns powerless to its forces. I’d seen throughout my life that most people would do anything to save love, to keep it in their hearts for as long as possible, whatever the cost. It might have seemed odd, the abundance of sacrifices she’d had to make just to be with him, but their love had told her to do that, to fight for him. I hoped he was worth it. I hoped that every loss paled when she looked at him, when that love took over. The only problem was that when she was around us, and me specifically, it didn’t feel that easy. She’d get upset, she’d realise how much she missed us, how much she missed how things had been. She hadn’t just lost me when her and Sam had gotten together, it had slowly picked a lot of her friends out of her life, but it centred around me. It was so difficult to admit that we’d never be the same again. It was gutting to come to terms with the fact that we’d lost something so good. My only comfort was knowing that she’d gained from it in some way or another. That morning with her was a quiet one, conversation mainly being held between Sam and I as she put most of her energy into holding herself together, not breaking, reminding herself of the reasons things had changed so much. But as far as I was concerned, anything was better than how we had been for the past year or so. Anything was an improvement.

“Here she is!” Niall yelled when I stepped into The Tin Mouse that evening, everyone greeting me cheerily; all except Lin, who didn’t really do anything, staring blankly at me as I cautiously approached the table. I was feeling rather anxious, my hands dug into the pockets of my denim jacket, pressing my lips together tightly. I didn’t really want to be there, to be honest. “Hi.” I just about smiled, taking a deep breath inward before I spoke. “Shall I get a round in?” Quite purposefully, I’d been running rather late, meaning they were all at the end of their drinks by the time I got there. They put in their requests quickly, all rather distracted and chirpy, meaning it took longer than it should have. Lin still hadn’t said a word by the time I was heading over to the bar, but I knew he’d grab at his opportunity. I’d only just put in the large order when I noticed him leap up to his feet and storm over to me, his voice leaden and irked when he spoke. “Why’ve you been ignoring me?” “I haven’t.” I protested. “Well, that’s fucking weird, because you haven’t answered any of my calls or my texts. You didn’t come to watch the match on Monday, you haven’t been at the pub.” He was angry, and I was fighting tears. “Don’t treat me like a fucking idiot, Alf, I know what’s going on.” I hadn’t meant to avoid him. I didn’t want to create an atmosphere. I didn’t want him to be angry with me. I didn’t want a lot of things that had come into fruition of late. What I had wanted, was to continue being honest and upfront with him, but receiving that painting and that note from Harry had somehow made everything with Lin feel twice as difficult. Because I knew it had to end. It had been hard enough to admit to him that I wasn’t sure on my feelings and what was happening between us, so it would have been even harder to be blunt and really end things, to tell him that I could finally make sense of the mess in my own mind. I knew it wasn’t right, that’s what my head was telling me, that’s what my gut was telling me. That’s what my heart was telling me. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to tell him. He waited for me to say something, my throat dry and tight as I tried to figure it out. “Please don’t be mad at me.” I whispered. “I don’t want to be mad at you, Alfie, I’m just frustrated!” He whelped. “Because if I knew asking you out would have led to this, I wouldn’t have fucking done it. I don’t think you understand how much I don’t wanna lose you, Alf! I can’t!” I looked right past him, staring over his shoulder and concentrating on the back door that would lead out to the beer garden, because looking in his eyes summoned too many emotions, ones I couldn’t supress. He made being opaque sound so easy, like it wouldn’t involve hurting his feelings and choking up over every single wrong word. I didn’t know how to handle it, what I should or shouldn’t say, and I certainly didn’t want to tell Lin that the main thing that had driven me away from even thinking about him in a romantic way was the delivery of a fucking painting. “Don’t avoid me, please!” He went on. “Just be honest. I can take it.” “It’s not as easy as that.” “It is! I’m telling you, it is! Because by not saying it, you’re saying it anyway. So, you might as well bite the bullet.” He sighed, wound his jaw. “Put me out of my misery. Please.” He just wanted it to be over, maybe even more than I did, but for different reasons. We were both in agony for different reasons and it needed to end. “I don’t wanna do this here.” I started to cry. I felt like all I did was fucking cry. “Fuck, don’t get upset. Oh shit. I don’t want you to feel guilty or sad, please don’t cry. If it’s not right, then it’s not.” He reached to grab my hand, pulling it away from my face as I tried to hide my tears. “You’ve just gotta be honest with me about it. I knew I was running a risk when I asked you, I just wanna be kept in the loop!” “Lin, it’s not that easy!” I wept. “I care about you so much and I didn’t wanna hurt your feelings. And I’ve had such a shit couple of weeks. I’ve been so sad and-” “That’s… the opposite of how I want you to feel!” He wailed. “C’mere. Wipe those bloody tears away, eh? I don’t wanna see you sad. Don’t be sad, not for my sake.” He held my cheeks steadily in his hands, wiping his thumbs beneath my eyes to dry my tears on my behalf, shaking his head like I was being silly, which made me laugh. He was good at that. It was obvious he was irritated with how I’d handled things since our date, but he was still trying to keep things sweet between us in any way he could, whilst also getting his point across. I sucked it up as much as I could as he wiped away a few more tears, talking calmly as he did. “Are you crying because of me? Did I go in too hard?” “No.” I shook my head. “I just feel bad. I didn’t want it to go like this.” “No… I can’t say I did either.” He chuckled uneasily. “It just… It doesn’t feel right. I wish it did, but it doesn’t.” He dropped his hands whilst my tears terminated progressively. “I don’t want-” “LIN, WHY’RE YOU MAKING ALFIE CRY?” Niall yelled from across the room. “NIALL, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” Lin yelled back, proceeding to mentally block him out. “For fuck sake. Someone needs to tell that lad that it’s not always appropriate to drop a joke.” Despite the fact that I agreed, we were both still sort of laughing, shaking our heads and rolling our eyes. “I think we should probably do this another time.” I whispered, wiping away the last of my tears. “Sorry for getting mad.” “Sorry for avoiding you. I’d be mad too. And sorry for crying. You should be able to be pissed off without me crying and making you feel bad.” Abruptly, he moved in and wrapped his arms around me, releasing a swell of air that had be stuck in his chest. We could hear Niall whinging whimsically about how they were all waiting on their drinks, which were now sitting on top of the bar waiting to be paid for and waiting to be carried over to their consumers, but we had things to say. After quite some time, Lin pulled out of the hug but remained close, pressing his forehead against mine and speaking quietly, still trying to block out our surroundings, his hand latched against the back of my neck. I breathed him in, eased. “We’ll be okay, I promise. I don’t really know where we go from here, but-” “Harry?” I heard Louis yell through the bar, and I knew. Before I’d even turned around, I knew. I could tell from the sound of his voice, the perfect blend of surprise and terror. I knew and yet it didn’t seem real. Not until I watched Lin lift his head to gaze over the top of mine, eyes and mouth wide. “Holy shit, Harry’s here.” I whipped my whole body around a second later so I was facing the right way, so I could see for myself. That was the moment I locked eyes with Harry for the first time in over a year. He was completely motionless, so still and beautiful and perfect I could hardly comprehend that he was real, an image frozen in time and likely captured in my mind forever. He was stood in the doorway staring forward, right at me, as though he wasn’t conscious of anything else. It was just me and him and the static canvas we had become. His emotions were difficult to decipher, looking as shocked as I must have even though it was him who’d turned up out of nowhere. He hadn’t stepped foot in that pub since the previous May, but he was gazing right at me as though I had entered his space, like it was my presence that was the cause for alarm. He looked hurt, in ways. Those seconds felt like a lifetime, only able to snap out of my daze when Niall crashed his body against Harry’s, threw his arm around his neck. “What the hell are you doing here?” Libby howled excitedly as she approached him. “Are you moving back?” Niall asked whilst hugging the life out of him. “Please tell me you’re moving back.” It was then that Harry managed to pull his eyes away, and so did I, darting my vision to the left to look at Louis, who was already staring at me with wide eyes. “What the fuck?” He mouthed mutely. I found that my eyes drew back to Harry within seconds, like a magnet. His were back on me. He looked amazing. He always did. Even when he was exhausted and drained, his body had a certain shine to it that I’d never seen the likes of before and would never see again. Maybe I saw him in some divine light, but staring at him then I felt sure that simply, he was magnificent; radiant, powerful, immersed in splendour. “Uh…” Harry eventually began to grumble as Niall detached himself, looking away from me but not looking at anyone else, his gaze shooting down to the floor. “I dunno why I’m here. Sorry, I… I should go.” “What? You just got here?” Niall keened. Lin tried to edge past me to get closer to Harry, attempt to convince him to stick around like the rest of them were doing, all confused and stunned by his presence but desperate for him to stay. As he moved, Lin placed his hand on my waist gently, tenderly trying to edge me closer to the group to help with encouraging Harry to stay, but that minor action seemed to have the opposite effect. Harry witnessed the trivial exchange and withdrew completely. “No, m’sorry, I can’t do this.” He walked backwards, pushing his weight against the front door to open it without looking. “I dunno why I came, I’m sorry.” “The fuck, Harry?” Niall, Libby and Louis were all so dumbfounded they could barely move, just watching him back himself out of there. “What is going on?” It was rather clear he was overwhelmed, and I didn’t necessarily think it was the sole reason, but I knew that he was piqued by what he’d seen between Lin and I. He’d always had his paranoias, and though they still felt rather misplaced, he hadn’t been entirely delusional. The last time we had been together, we had kissed and held one another so intensely, the situation overflowing with passion and heartbreak. That was the last physical contact we’d had. Following that, he’d sent me a painting that was closer to his heart than most of the people in his life could ever hope to be. No matter how we’d ended or the complications we’d faced, I predicted that he saw me in a similar way to how I saw him – that in some way, we would always belong to one another. I would never be okay seeing him with someone else, and he didn’t want to see me with another man. Our history was too strong. For him to see me for the first time over a year later, another boys hand in my hair and lips close to mine. I knew I wouldn’t have wanted to see him and another woman like that, whether it meant something or not. I knew that was one of the reasons he desired a swift exit. “I shouldn’t have come. I don’t wanna interrupt, m’just gunna go. I promise I’ll see you soon, I promise, I just… Fuck.” With that final curse word he was outside, the door closing behind him. There were only a few seconds of shocked silence before Louis turned and bellowed to me. “Alfie, for fuck sake, go after him!” With no plan, no thought process and nothing to guide me, I ran out the door to catch him. I could barely make sense of a single thing, all I knew was that I couldn’t let him walk away without putting up a fight. I was terrified that if I let him walk away, that would be the last of it. Harry was sometimes hard to read, difficult to predict, and despite recent actions, I knew the chances of him disappearing from my life completely, never to seen or heard from again, were large. I knew there was a chance that this could be the very last time I saw him, and that was more likely if I didn’t go after him. I had too many questions that needed answering; why he was there, why he’d sent me the painting, how he had been for the past year. I wanted answers, and then if he wanted to leave he could. I could only hope that he desired the same closure I did. “Harry!” I yelled as soon as I could. He had his head down, walking central down the countrylane, heading towards town, towards the house where he used to live, towards a history he didn’t want to face.  He tried to ignore me, not wanting to acknowledge my presence. I was so fucking confused. “HARRY!” I yelled again once I was out on the road, and he had to stop then, coming to a complete standstill but not turning to look at me. “What the fuck are you doing?” He didn’t answer. “Why’re you here?” “I… I don’t know.” He slowly turned around, but kept his line if vision right on the ground ahead of his feet. “It was stupid, m’sorry, I’m just gunna leave. I thought I was ready for this and I… I’m really not, so-” “Ready for what?” “Being back here. Seeing… I-I can’t. I have to leave.” He set off again, running his hand through his hair, clearly wanting nothing more than to get away from me. Though I could feel my frustration bubbling, I kept it locked down, remaining still and watching him walk away. “Why did you send me that painting?” I asked tersely, breathless, and that brought him to a standstill once again. I was surprised by how calm I sounded. Even when he turned back around and lifted his head to look at me, I remained still, serene, patiently awaiting his answer. He blinked, strangely acting as though he hadn’t been expecting me to question him on that, like he thought we’d both look past it, like it was regular, expected. “Because… it’s yours.” He eventually managed an answer, speaking as though it was obvious. “No one else deserves it.” “Har-” “I need to go, Alfie. I’m sorry.” He started walking backwards once again, not wanting to delay his departure. “I’m sorry for showing up, I-” “Wait… Fuck, I’m so… Don’t you think we need to talk?” “No. I can’t. Just… Forget about it, okay?” He shuddered. “I’ve got so many fucking questions, Harry! How do you expect me to just forget this?” “Will you tell them I’m sorry?” He said, and when I remained silent, stunned, he turned around and picked up his pace. I wished he’d called me Fee-Fee. I didn’t fully understand why that was my first thought, but all I knew was that I craved to hear him call me by that nickname he had so fondly adopted. I longed for that familiarity, that sense that we knew one another, that we had a history, because as he was walking away from me then, he truly felt like a stranger. The only thing that felt the same was the way he was running away from a situation that was more complicated than he’d bargained for. Exasperated, I picked up the pace and followed his footsteps, diminishing the space between us and then jumping so I was directly in front of him, forcing him to stop. We were mere inches apart. “Alfie-” “I don’t give a fuck if you don’t want to talk to me, Harry, that’s fine!” I fumed, retrieving my phone from my pocket and searching through it, unable to look him in the eye now we were so close. “I stopped expecting things from you when you fucking left, I’m past it. But you need to speak to your mum. Here.” I held my phone out ahead of him, keeping my eyes on his chest but putting the screen right before his eyes, the contact information for his mother brightening his face. “Wh-what?” “It’s your mum’s number. Take it. Call her.” “But-” “If you don’t, I fucking will. Please step up and do it, Harry. She’s desperate to hear from you.” “How… How do you-” “I spoke to her about you, and I don’t even care if you’re angry with me. I really don’t fucking care anymore, because this is your way to reach her and that’s all that mattered to me. And now you know that she does want you to reach out for her, she tried to reach you, so you’ve got no excuse. Take it, call her. Please.” He was shell-shocked for a little while, taking his time before he reached into his pocket to retrieve his poor excuse for a phone, some old looking thing that didn’t look like it would still function, typing the number he could see and then hopefully saving it to his phone, but I didn’t check to confirm that. I just had to hope he was listening to me, and that I’d said enough for him to finally get in touch with Julia again. “You done?” I asked bluntly. “Uh… Yeah.” “Okay, I’ve done my part, so leave. I don’t care.” I huffed, moving past him, my shoulder colliding with his rather lethally. I had spent the past few months of my life trying to pick him away from my memories, some sort of survival technique I had attempted to adapt, tearing even the tiniest detail from my thoughts. Even down to the simplest thing, like the exact colour of his eyes, the precise shade of green. I had almost forgotten that colour, and the second I was close enough to reacquaint myself, I daren’t look, daren’t remind myself. Or maybe I daren’t acknowledge that I’d never really forgotten. I never could. One last thing held me back before I left him there alone, went back to trying to forget. I rotated to face him again, seeing he hadn’t moved. “And I’d fire your agent, if I was you.” I said. “What?” He turned slightly, enough so he could see me. “Your mum got in touch with him and he never told you. Fire him, he doesn’t give a fuck about you.” His hurt and his horror were clear within his face even though he didn’t say a single thing. I didn’t give him much of an opportunity to reply, really. I had done what I wanted to do, placed the responsibility and the knowledge within his hands, and then it was his to handle, his to deal with however he felt was best. I had hopes, but I certainly didn’t expect anything from him. Not after everything. As I walked away from him, I could feel tears building, like my heart was breaking all over again, like I was losing him all over again even though I’d never gotten him back. Truthfully, he had never been mine to lose.

[hawkinspostbite]

𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Words: 4,110

MASTERLIST 𝐒𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞

A/N: I do not claim to, nor do I own Stranger Things; the concept, characters, plot, etc.

[ᴊᴀɴᴜᴀʀʏ 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟻]

On January 12, Carol threw a rager that had majority of the junior class in a funk for about a week. Since she was away for New Year’s, Carol wanted to make up for it by throwing a party to celebrate the new school semester. As if anybody was actually excited about going back to classes again.

Kate had helped Carol prepare for the party for at least a week. She endured a painful drive to Carmel, alone with Tina’s older brother - their alcohol supplier. As well as countless hours of babbling from her friends on what to wear and who to be with.

She just wanted this damn party to be over with.

Finally the night had come. Kate arrived at Carol’s at 7:30. Walking into the kitchen, she double-checked that all the drinks were cold, and had back-ups on hand. The music would be continuous all night, due to borrowing Tina’s 6-tape cassette player, and Tommy had come through earlier to set up the three kegs in the backyard.

Tina poured the girls each a shot of vodka. “Jesus Christ Carol, would you lighten up? This is a silly Saturday rager, not the Met Ball.” Kate handed her a cup. “Drink up sister.”

Around 8:00 people began to arrive, and by 9:00 the party was in full swing.

For the first hour, Kate had been on the lookout for her brother. He hadn’t been to a party since Halloween, but she could hardly predict what did anymore, so she didn’t know if he would show up or not. She remained in the kitchen, quietly watching over the alcohol.

Much to her dismay, Tommy had arrived late, and brought Billy with him. “Harrington, what’s happening?” Tommy strode up to her.

She grabbed two beers from the bin beside her, handing them to Tommy. He handed one to Billy before cracking his open. “Nothing much actually.” She flicked the water droplets from her hand onto the boys in front of her.

Tommy pouted. “No boys suiting the princess tonight?”

Kate sighed in annoyance. “Guess not Tommy. Carol's out back waiting for you. She couldn’t get the keg spout to work on the second barrel.”

“Son of a bitch.” Tommy muttered before going out the back door.

Billy stood in front of her, taking a sip from his beer.

A few moments later he followed Tommy.

About a half an hour later Kate had joined the vast majority of the party-goers in the backyard. Billy had began his keg challenge - in which he tried to see if anybody was willing to attempt and beat his very impressive record of forty-two seconds.

Nobody stepped up.

“I’ll give it a go.” Kate’s mouth worked before he brain could react. Her brother had set a record relatively close to Billy’s, so why couldn’t she give it a try?

“Alright, Harrington’s the only one with balls enough to try.” Tommy grinned. “Come here, I’ll lift you up.”

“No. Carol, Tina, can you guys do it?” Kate turned to look at her friends.

The pair stepped away from the crowd with smiles. “We’d be happy to.” Carol spoke.

“Girls support girls.”

Kate stepped up to the keg, placing her hands around the rim. Tina and Carol grabbed her legs and lifted her up. “Time starts now!” Tommy shouted, and the crowd began to count.

“One, two, three.” - What the hell was she doing? She didn’t even like beer.

“Nine, ten, eleven.” - Was she doing this to annoy Billy or to restore the Harrington name?

“Twenty, twenty-one.”

Her eyes darted over to notice Billy intently watching her.

“Twenty-six, twenty-seven.” - His hair looked really nice.

“Thirty.” - Why the hell did she just think that?

“Thirty-four, thirty-five, thirty-six.” - Holy shit.

“Forty, forty-one.” - Just a few more seconds.

“Forty-four.”

She slapped the keg, coughing as the remaining liquid in her mouth spilled out, drenching the front of her shirt. The crowd was cheering. Carol grabbed her arm. “Holy shit, you just beat Hargrove’s record!”

Kate shook her head at her friends. “Never again.” She kicked the barrel. “Never let me do that again.”

She used her sleeve to wipe her chin. Billy walked up to her, holding out his hand. “Congratulations Keg King.”

She shook his hand. “I’ve always wondered what it was like to be king.”

“Would you like a beer to celebrate your victory, your highness?” She dropped her hand, the ground began to shift a little.

“Shush. Stop talking.” She took a few seconds to compose herself before going inside. “No more drinks for me. God, please.” She swatted at the bottle of beer Billy tried to hand her.

He sighed, placing it back in the bin. “You wanna get out of here?” He asked her, helping her to stand up a little straighter against Carol’s cabinets.

“I don’t like you.” She mumbled.

“Okay. That’s okay.” Billy placed an arm around her shoulders and began to lead her out to his car. He helped her into the back seat, and that was the last thing Kate remembered about that night.

The next morning Kate awoke, still in the back seat of Billy’s Camaro, but sans her shirt and shoes. Instead, her upper half was covered with Billy’s denim jacket. In front of her, Billy sat asleep in the drivers seat.

“Holy fuck!” She exclaimed, sitting up.

“What! What?” Billy awoke with a start, turning around to see what the problem was.

“I have no shirt on? Jesus Christ, turn around!” She shouted at him.

He quickly turned back around. “Where is my shirt? Why am I not wearing it? Hargrove you better start fucking talking or I am gong to loose my shit back here!”

“Its up here!” He grabbed her shirt from the dashboard and tossed it back at her.

She began to re-dress. “Why was I not wearing it?” She poked his shoulder. “You can look now.”

“You spilled beer all over it last night. When you beat me at the keg-stand. Do you remember anything?”

“Oh my god. Oh my god, did we sleep together? Please tell me we didn’t sleep together.” She buried her face in her hands.

“No. No we didn’t sleep together, you passed out in the back seat after I took your wet shirt off you.” He paused. “Wait, why are you so worried about having potentially slept with me?”

Her face dropped. “You’re an asshole.”

“So are you!”

“Excuse me?”

“You punched me in the face! You stabbed me in the neck with a needle! What do you mean you aren’t an asshole?”

Kate had to stop for a second before responding. She almost laughed. Here she was at 7AM, in the back of Billy Hargrove’s car, arguing with him. And he wasn’t acting like a total dick? Was it all a front?

“You’re right, you’re right. I did in fact punch you in the face.”

“…And stab me in the neck with a needle!”

“With good reason!”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah! You kicked my brother’s ass. You knocked him out! So we’re even.”

“Even?”

“Yes, even.”

“Not even, not even close.”

She grabbed her shoes from the floor and climbed into the passenger seat. “Can you please just take me home?”

Billy begrudgingly drove Kate to the end of her street. “Hey Harrington. I know a way you could even the score.”

“Enlighten me.”

“Go on a date with me.” Billy grinned.

“Oh you’ve got to be joking.” She placed her hand on the door handle. But Billy clicked the lock.

“Not joking.”

Kate sighed. “Fine. Fine! Tomorrow night, I will meet you at the end of your street at seven thirty, and then you can take us some place that nobody will see us. And then we can continue on with our lives.”

“Or not.”

“Hargrove, I swear-“

“Fine. Tomorrow night, seven thirty. It’s a date.”

“Fine.” She stepped out of the car. “Thanks for the ride. See you.”

“See you.” He grinned at her as he sped down the street.

The next night Kate kept her word and met Billy at the end of old Cherry Road at seven thirty. He was waiting in his car, music on full-blast. She smacked the window with her palm. “Open up? It’s freezing out here!”

The door unlocked and she climbed in. “Where to?” She asked.

“Someplace quiet.”

They ended up parking at the top of Satler’s Quarry, the radio on just low enough to be heard. “So….”

“The reason I brought you here is because you told me to take you somewhere nobody would see us.” Billy spoke.

“I thought you would take us somewhere in Carmel or something, not to the quarry!”

“Jesus, are you ever happy?”

Kate scrunched her nose up. “Very seldomly.”

“This can just be an unconventional date. One where we just talk.”

“Just talk? That’s it?” Kate reached over and placed her hand on Billy’s forehead. “You’re not running a fever.”

“What are you doing?”

“Just making sure you aren’t sick or possessed or something. Talking is fine.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to lean her back against the door. “Talk.”

“So tell me about your childhood?”

“Wrong. I have a few questions first.”

Billy rolled his eyes.

“Why do you hate Lucas? Is it because-“

“No, it isn’t because he’s black…”

“Then why do you hate him?”

“I don’t! I don’t hate him.” She cocked her head at him. “When I first got here I sort of hated everybody. I fucking love California, it’s the only place I know. And I didn’t want to move here, Christ, who would want to voluntarily live here?”

“No, I totally agree.”

“So I guess I figured that since I wasn’t happy, Max couldn’t be either… So I don’t hate Lucas. Just the idea of him.”

“Got it. Next question, are you really an asshole or is it all just an act?”

“What?”

“Your whole, persona-“ She motioned to him. “It screams “asshole”. But yesterday morning I think I may have met the real Billy.”

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t really think you’re an asshole, like you just said, you’re unhappy. People do things to piss other people off when they’re unhappy. - You don’t want to be in Hawkins so everybody in Hawkins has to suffer too.” Billy’s eyes traveled to look out the window. “Don’t tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong.”

“I’ve got you figured out.” She smirked. “Now. Ask me something.”

Kate and Billy spent their entire date asking questions about each other. And by the end of the night Kate believed she had found the real Billy. Or at least part of the real Billy.

The part of real Billy she had discovered was the complete opposite person she thought he was. The real Billy had a wicked sense of humor, was terrible at flirting, and had admitted that he knew he was a jerk.

Billy had believed that he had actually had a good time. For the first time since moving to Indiana, he had enjoyed spending time with someone.

Billy stopped at the end of Kate’s street. “Want to do this again sometime?” He asked.

Kate inhaled slowly, looking over at Billy. “Sure. Friday night good for you?”

“You’d be okay with missing Andy Wilson’s party?”

“I could honestly not care more about Andy Wilson’s party.”

“Then great, it’s a date.”

[ғᴇʙʀᴜᴀʀʏ 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟻]

Valentine’s day. Lover’s holiday, single’s day of solitude, and just another excuse for Tina to throw a themed party.

It was ten minutes before homeroom, Tina and Carol were following Kate down the crowded hallway towards her locker. As she opened it, a piece paper fell onto the ground.

“Awe, a love-note? From who?” Carol bent over to grab the paper but Kate snatched it before she could see it. “Hey!”

“It’s for me. I get to read it.” She turned her back to the locker and faced her friends. The Valentine was technically not a Valentine at all, but a piece of lined paper. A pencil-drawn heart on the front of it. She unfolded it.

𝘏𝘦𝘺 𝘩𝘰𝘵-𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘧𝘧. 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦? - 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘚𝘦𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘳

Blush crept onto her cheeks. “Harrington, what’s on that note that’s making you blush so much?”

“Nothing. It’s nothing.”

She stuffed the note into the breast pocket of her jean jacket. “Fine, don’t share. Come on.” Tina rolled her eyes and the three girls continued on with their day.

Later that night Kate found Billy at Tina’s party. - Behind the wall that connected the living and dining rooms. “Hey.” He handed her a cup full of liquid. She took a sip. Vodka-cran. Her favorite.

“Thanks for the note by the way.”

“How do you know it was me?”

Kate laughed. “You’re the only person I know that doesn’t know the proper times to capitalize letters.”

Billy touched his bottle to her cup. “I’ll cheers to that.”

“What?”

“You being right. Again.” The pair laughed. “Anybody suspect anything?”

“Nope. Carol and Tina were there when I read it but they didn’t see anything.” She turned around to peek out from behind the wall they were standing behind. “You wanna get out of here?”

“Don’t feel like talking much?”

“Not necessarily.” She smiled up at him.

Billy nodded, leaving the room. Kate waited quietly in her spot. “Yeah I’m not feeling too hot man, I’m gonna head home. See you.”

A few minutes later Kate came from behind the wall. “Hey Tina.” She walked up to her friend, coughing. “I don’t feel good at all. I’ve gotta dip.”

Tina placed her hand on Kate’s cheek. “Well you are a little warm.” She sighed. “Did you want to go upstairs in my room, take a little nap?”

“No!” Kate cleared her throat. “No, I just want to go home.”

“Do you need a ride or-“

“No. No ride, I’m fine Tina, really.” She smiled at her friend. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kate left Tina’s house and walked to the end of the block, where Billy was waiting for her. “What took so long?” He asked as she climbed into the passenger seat.

“Tina tried to get me to stay in her room but luckily I got out of that. Her mattress is uncomfortable anyway.” That made Billy chuckle.

“Quarry or the junkyard?”

“Not the junkyard.”

“Quarry it is.”

Billy and Kate drove to the quarry. Where they spent the rest of the night talking - sort of. They used their mouths, it just wasn’t for talking.

[ᴍᴀʀᴄʜ 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟻]

In March things got real. As real as a top-secret relationship, that wasn’t technically labelled a relationship can get.

Kate and Billy had their first fight.

It was a Friday night, and Billy and Kate were going to a bonfire at the old junkyard with the rest of their crew.

Steve was in Indianapolis with their parents, doing a job shadow.

Kate had spent the afternoon and evening at the Wheelers with the kids. The plan was for her to go right from Mike’s to the junkyard, but Max insisted that the boys show her how to properly play through a game of D&D, and now they had been playing for five hours.

The time was getting later and later, and before Kate knew it, it was eleven at night. Hop had picked up El and Will. And Kate realized that she now had no other choice but to stay over at Mike’s with the rest of the crew. She couldn’t possibly leave then, without looking suspicious.

So she accepted her fate, and settled in for the night.

The next morning she managed to slip out before any of the other kids woke up. She biked home, and let herself in the garage door. She went inside and was almost up the stairs before realizing that there was a person in her living room.

“Billy?” Billy was, in fact, sitting on her couch. “…How are you in my house?”

“Where were you yesterday?”

She narrowed her eyes at her. “At Mike’s. I’m not fighting about this.”

“I am.”

She turned to walk upstairs, Billy followed. “Max wanted to learn how to play D&D. Everyone knows my brother isn’t home, and it got so late that if I left they would all be suspicious. That’s it. That’s the story.”

Billy glared at her as she opened her bedroom door. He followed her inside, sitting down on her bed.

“And once again, how did you get into my damn house?”

“You left the sliding door unlocked.”

She sighed in annoyance. “Ah, ah, no!” Kate swatted at his thighs.

“What?” He got up.

“Don’t lay on my bed in outdoor clothes.” She smoothed out her comforter, shaking her head.

“Come again? I can’t lay on your bed in “outdoor clothes”?”

“No. No!” She went back to getting her clothes out of her dresser. “The bed is a sacred place. You only get into bed after you have been showered.” She turned to look at him. “And I know you haven’t showered.”

“How’s that?”

“You smell like a literal fire.”

“You’re insane!”

She groaned. “I am not insane unless diagnosed by a medically-trained professional!”

He stomped towards the door. “Oh don’t pull that nerdy bullshit with me. You’re acting crazy.”

“Billy, all I ask is that you don’t sit on my bed unless you shower! Why does that make me crazy?!”

“Because! It just does!”

“Get out.”

“Are you serious?”

“Billy, just get out! You said crazy, so I might as well act it! Goodbye!”

“You are ridiculous-“

“Goodbye! Billy!”

He groaned and slammed the door shut on his way out. Kate stood in her spot as she waited to hear the slam of the back door. After hearing him officially leave, Kate angrily continued on with her day.

Steve returned home that afternoon, to a silent house, save for Kate’s room. Playing a maximum volume was Motley Crue, as Kate laid on her bed, tiredly staring at the ceiling.

Steve knocked on the door, but the music was too loud. He opened it. “Hey, I’m back…” He scrunched his nose at the sight of his sister laying in her pajamas at 4PM. “Everything okay?”

Kate sighed, using her remote to pause the music. “Peachy.”

“Are you sure?”

“Peachy Steve!” She screeched, and Steve took that as his opportunity to leave her alone.

Kate spent the rest of her weekend alone in her room, listening to Motley Crue and contemplating everything. But mostly Billy.

On Monday, Billy approached her in the hallway before third period. She placed her hand on his chest, attempting to push him away. “We are not doing this here.”

“Yes we are.” He said through his teeth.

“Billy-“ He grabbed her arm and pulled her around an empty corner.

“Let me speak.” She huffed, tugging her arm away from him. “I’m sorry I overreacted about you not coming Friday night. I’m sorry I laid on your bed. And I’m sorry I said you were crazy.”

“And insane.”

“And insane.” He sighed. “Am I forgiven?”

Kate pursed her lips, contemplating being difficult or just agreeing with him. “I suppose.”

”But don’t forget the bed rule buddy.”

[ᴀᴘʀɪʟ 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟻]

Steve ruined April.

It was crunch-time for the seniors. Preparing for finals, last-minute committals to universities, shit like that. So it was only natural that Steve literally screwed everything up for himself, and coincidentally Kate too.

Steve failed to get into Tech. Tech! Granted, Steve wasn’t a genius, but he wasn’t a total dud either, so Kate was obviously floored when her brother revealed that he couldn’t even get into the local tech school.

But that wasn’t the only reason Kate wanted to kill her brother. The other reason was because of their dad. When Mr. Harrington found out that Steve had failed to get into Tech he was even more upset than Kate was. He had decided that since Steve wouldn’t be attending college, that his punishment would be a job.

A real job.

And lucky for Steve, the new Starcourt mall was opening soon, and there were tons of businesses hiring.

Unlucky for Kate, her dad decided to take this Steve lesson, and make it a Harrington-kids lesson, resulting in Kate also being forced to get a job. But over her dead body would she be caught having a job at the mall. So she opted for the Hawkins community pool instead.

The only positive to the whole “having a real job” thing was when Kate interviewed with the pool manager, Alan, he liked her so much that he made her the assistant manager, earning her an extra 35 cents per hour.

Kate spent April earning her lifeguard certification, fighting with Steve, and silently plotting a way to kill her parents, out of sheer childish anger.

[ᴍᴀʏ 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟻]

“You’re joking right now.” Kate clenched her jaw as she watched Billy walk through the gates of the Hawkins Community Pool.

So much for laying low!

Alan had called the pool staff in for a pre-season meeting. But Billy had failed to mention that he was also part of the staff.

“What are you doing here?” She whispered.

“I’m a lifeguard now. Cool right?” He clicked his gum, smiling at Heather Holloway, who had just walked through the gate.

Kate elbowed his side. “Eyes here buddy.” He retrained his focus onto her. “I thought we were supposed to be playing it cool? Getting a job at the same place as me is literally the opposite of playing it cool!”

“Technically I’m sleeping with my boss… that’s cool.”

“Oh my god!” She slapped her forehead. This was hopeless. Above her, Billy was smiling wickedly. “Go over there and stand by Freddy. For real.”

He pouted, but did as he was told.

He behaved himself for the remainder of the meeting.

The pool officially opened on Memorial Day. Billy and Kate were the only two scheduled for the entire day, 11-7. They had hardly gotten to speak to each other that day, considering it was spent watching the town of Hawkins try not to drown.

Promptly at 7:00 Kate had made sure everyone was gone from the pool, and locked up the front gate. She had sent Billy to check the locker rooms while she closed up the register and front desk.

She went to sit down at the edge of the pool, sticking her feet in. Behind her, Billy cleared his throat. She turned to see him standing in his lifeguard uniform, grinning and holding two white plastic-wrapped popsicles in his hand. “Twin pop?”

He offered her a treat, and then took a seat next to her. Kate smiled and opened up the wrapper. “Banana… Where have you been hiding these all day?” Banana was her favorite.

“I snuck a little cooler in this morning. Got some beer too-“

“No. No, I want to remember this.” She smiled once again. “What kind do you have?”

“Cherry.”

“Ugh. You’re so predictable.”

“Banana is weird.”

“Whatever.” Kate rolled her eyes, looking at the water. “Thank you.”

Billy looked over at her, immediately overcome with the feeling of confusion. “For what?”

“For the popsicle… And everything else the past few months.”

“Are we even dating?”

“I don’t know…” Things became quiet. “Whatever this is though,-“

“It’s nice.” He grabbed her hand. “It’s nice.”

Billy nodded, squeezing her hand.

They sat in silence and ate their popsicles, and he never let go of her hand.

[ᴊᴜɴᴇ 𝟷𝟿𝟾𝟻]

Steve graduated in June.

Kate planned a surprise graduation party for him, inviting all of the kids over to their house after the ceremony for cake, ice cream, and swimming.

After the graduation party summer was in full-swing.

Steve practically lived at the new mall, he and Robin were the only employees at Scoops Ahoy.

Being a manager meant Kate was at the pool almost every day, the only upside to that was the fact that she had managed to schedule herself and Billy the same hours so that when they were off, they were off together.

Dustin was off at camp, so the Harrington house was a lot quieter without it’s third inhabitant.

The rest of the kids managed to balance their time between screwing around at the mall, sneaking into the pool, and spending time kissing each other.

Kate had a firm belief that this summer was going to be different. She had a decent job, a “boyfriend”, and no parents to tell her what to do.

What Kate didn’t know was that summer was going to be extremely different. More different than she could ever want, or imagine.

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

A Lonely Birthday?

warnings: very long. apologies if it takes a long time to scroll past; loneliness, heavy angst, hurt/comfort, touch starvation, war mention(a food war), food mention

summary: Logan almost feels lonelier than ever, on the day of his creation, aka his "birthday".

ships: platonic dlampr, romantic intruloceit

au: Making Amends(my au, post-agreement)

notes: it's no longer nov 3rd here but screw it. also whoops??? i'm kinda projecting onto logan???? if it makes him out of character, sorry ~-~"

--- (cant cut on mobile)

Logan awoke to hear some commotion downstairs. Sounded like a ton of metal hitting the kitchen's tiled floor. Sitting up, he put on his glasses and checked his alarm clock. It was roughly 5AM. Nobody's usually up at this time, except for Virgil on rare occasion. But then again, Virgil is way too cautious to make so much noise.

Sunlight was shining bright through his mindscape window; burning his eyes, and forcing him to look away. Logan glanced over at the ocean creature themed calendar on his door, a big red circle catching his attention. His birthday.

Logan felt an unfamiliar feeling in his stomach, presumably the "sinking feeling" that the others talk about. He wasn't used to having so much attention focused on him as it is, today had to be worse.

Things had been a bit difficult in the mindscape despite them simultaneously getting better; the divide between The Dark Sides and The Light Sides is diminishing fast(at this point, they can even enter each other's common areas without getting sick) and everyone was working through their issues for once.

It felt stupid to be so worked up over an inconsequential day like this. But ever since he started opening up he'd been feeling all sorts of illogical things. Emotions, and stuff. Revealing things that he never would have prior to the merge starting. Logan had been mildly touch starved for ages and gotten used to being ignored for so long... he didn't know what he was feeling or what to feel and it was happening so fast. Logan previously was purposefully hiding whenever he could because everything felt so wrong. It left a chilling, hollow feeling in his chest and the palms of his hands.

But... he shouldn't be doing this. Logan knows this. It's illogical to express these behaviors, and he was trying hard to get through this confusing time. So, Logan was going to make today the best of his birthdays(since he had a track record of lonely birthdays.)

Logan changed out of his pajamas, into a nice outfit, slightly different than usual due to his special day. Instead of his usual shirt, he had a black long-sleeve collared shirt on, and his tie now was dark indigo & purple with constellations. A gift from last year's christmas, from Virgil.

Logan almost got caught up in thoughts about how close he used to be to Virgil(their friendship had been dwindling,) but that was interrupted by more noise; this time hearing more things hitting the floor along with panicked shouting.

Logan walked down the hall, over to the kitchen, or he would have if not for a certain liar stopping and grabbing his shoulder. "Horrible morning, Lo. What brings you out here this early? It's almost 5:30AM, I know better than anyone that isn't part of your schedule." questioned Deceit. He seemed to be nervous.

"Although I should be asking you the same since I know you're a late sleeper, I'll let it slide for the moment." Logan replied while looking at Deceit's semi dark circles, clearly revealing his lack of sleep. "But if you must know, I've heard commotion coming from the kitchen twice now and I'm getting concerned."

Deceit's eyes widened mid-yawn "No-no-no Logan;" he stopped Logan as he started to leave again. "I checked on them already, they're absolutely fine, no worries!"

Logan looked at snakey side with suspicion. Deceit was still trying his hardest to control his lying more often, which results in him accidentally making truths sound like lies.

"I will, uh, take your word for it. I guess i can go back to sleep or something. Let me know when breakfast is ready, babe." Logan informed Dee, who was blushy from being called 'babe'.

"Oh I, uh-absolutely not then, see you!" Deceit hissed nervously & quietly dashed away to the kitchen. It didn't hit him that he forgot to wish his nerdy boyfriend a happy birthday, he was too concerned about making sure the others didn't get into trouble.

...

Deceit entered the kitchen, late enough to see a disaster all over. There was flour, batter, jam, & frosting all over the room, including on the ceiling. He glanced over at Patton & Roman(whom were making breakfast) and saw sheepish expressions on their faces. He then turned his head over to Virgil & Remus, who were starting out the cake. Virgil & Remus had the most ingredients all over them, as if they were in a battlezone, with Patton & Roman looking as if they got stained in the crossfire.

"What the heck happened here?! You guys didn't wake Logan up, he was nowhere close to coming in here and- ugh!" he questioned, clearly disconcerted. Deceit was freaking out over the disaster before him.

"We can explain!" Roman whisper-shouted.

"We have 3 explanations!" blurted out Virgil.

"Pick your favorite!~" Remus exclaimed with a sing-songy voice, grinning. He was hanging from the ceiling, directly above the anxious Side. He then promptly fell onto the emo. "aCK-!" "ooF, sorry Virge!"

Roman was snickering at the two on the floor, but Patton elbowed him. "ow- Sorry!" quietly came from the prince's mouth.

"Logan almost came out here and spoiled the surprise because of our actions! We need to be more careful; Today needs to be perfect for Logan, he deserves it!" exclaimed Patton.

"Wrong. Now Patton, how close are you two being done with the Loganberry pancakes?" Deceit asked patiently. Logan was back asleep, but it was nearing the time he was supposed to wake up, 7AM. They, but especially Deceit, did not want Logan to have to work at all today. He already has a work-free schedule today, but they didn't want to take chances.

"They're almost done!" Patton replied. "Dee, Roman, you guys get out all the toppings please! Virgil, I would love it if you would set up the table for us; And Remus-" Patton's instructions were interrupted by the mustachioed Side.

"Oh oh, can I go get Logan out of bed? I wanna do this personally!" Remus energetically asked with his hand up, like a kid in school.

"Well, I was gonna ask you to bring the pancakes"-Patton pointed to the large plate stacked with Loganberry Pancakes-"to the table, but I'll let you do that instead as long as you don't bring anything Logan may find gross to the table at least this one time."

"I was already planning on doing that, you don't think that I would want to make Logan's day special too?" a sarcastically accusatory tone came from the green creative Side.

"Not at all!" Patton chuckled nervously. "Permission granted."

"Goody!" Remus exclaimed with childlike glee. Roman rolled his eyes with a smile at his brother. His rat-like brother sure did love that nerd.

...

As the the other sides were finishing setting up breakfast at the table, Logan's alarm went off. Gentle classical music waking him from his sleep-or rather, nap. Stepping out of bed, the smell of crofters filled his nose. He could smell his favorite Loganberry Pancakes all the way from here.

During Logan's tidying up of his appearance, Remus knocked on the door(and then proceeded to open it despite no response. Classic Remus.) "Oh Lo-Lo! Wakey wakey! Patton & Roman made breakfast! Guess what it is~!" the green & black fanciful Side shouted, with a bit of flair in his rhetorical question.

"Well Remus, I'm sure you knew that I could smell them from my room, I could smell Crofters from anywhere." the nerd chuckled.

Remus laughed. "Of course I knew that, my dear blackhole!" Logan smiled at the nickname.

The Duke came over to his favorite nerd across the room and gave him a big hug, and his usual good morning kiss. "See you at breakfast!"

Remus sunk out, feeling as if something had slipped his mind. But if his time with Deceit has taught him anything, 'If you forgot it, it couldn't have been important.' Remus didn't know that his snake friend was lying.

Logan stood there for a moment. Twice now; his boy friends showed no indication that they knew it was his birthday. Logan didn't even know why he cared; they had no reason to be celebrating such events, they were just metaphysical human beings inside of Thomas's head. Celebrating birthdays and stuff had no impact.

But still, it left Logan with an empty feeling, Remus's warmth being replaced with the usual chill he felt.

...

Hearing Logan's familiar footsteps approach the dining room, Virgil glanced and over and noticed the living room-which was openly connected to the dining room-had noticeable decorations, causing his eyes to widen in fear. Sitting across from Roman, he whisper-shouted to the royal; "Roman! The decorations! Lo's coming!!"

"What? Oh, right!" quietly came the response. Roman stood up and did a magic spell using his hands, causing the living room to be disguised with a glamour. He had been saving this particular spell for a while, he cannot use spells too often outside of the imagination. The red-sashed prince was glad to have it handy.

"Wow, Roman!" Patton admired, just as he closed the curtains of the window between the kitchen and dining room. They didn't want Logan to see the mess after all, so the door between the two rooms was shut too. "If only I could do that!"

"Maybe if you struck a deal with the Dragon Witch, haha!" the prince responded.

Logan entered the room and stopped when we saw all the food across the table. His eyes were filled with wonder. "Wow..."

"Morning, Lo-Lo! It was your turn to have your choice of breakfast, but we knew what you would want anyway!" greeted Patton.

"Sup, L." "Good morning, nerd!" came from the other two whom had yet to greet him.

Logan sat down at the only empty seat, right beside his loving boyfriends, Deceit & Remus. His pancakes were just the way he loved them: Perfectly thin, just the right amount of fluffiness; and they were topped with syrup, whipped cream, and an assortment of berries.

"Hey, just the way I like them. Thanks." said Logan to nobody in particular. He glanced at each of them with a smile.

"No problem Logan, that was not my doing." answered Deceit.

"I wanted to help too though!" cried Remus.

"You tried to drench his pancakes in chocolate syrup..." Everybody else laughed.

"It's alright Remus, I don't need you to do this for me to know how much you love me." Logan comforted Remus with his smile.

"Get a room!" groaned Roman & Virgil, sarcastically. They both giggled after that, seeing the couple blush before them.

...

"So, any plans for today? Anything special that I may have forgotten to add to my calendar?" queried Logan.

"Oh Logan, there's no way you would be forgetting something, you always have everything on the calendar the moment you hear about it!" dismissed Patton.

"Oh, alright then, good to know." Disappointment. None of them had said Happy Birthday. He didn't want to just mention it, that feels wrong. So he carried on with breakfast.

By the time he was finished, the Creativi-twins were already gone; Virgil was on his phone, showing a bunch of animal photos and wholesome memes to Patton(who was right next to him), and Deceit was in the kitchen. Logan got up to go wash his plate; Patton noticed and nudged Virgil to go stop him, pointing at both Virge and Logan's plates. Virgil nodded.

"Oh, Lo, let me get that for you!" the hoodie-wearing Side got up and yelled, stopping Logan from walking into the kitchen. He gently took Logan's plate away from him and hastily went into the kitchen, making sure to not let Logan see as much behind the door as possible.

Logan, being oblivious said "Oh... uhm, ok. Thank you Virgil." and sank back into his room.

Patton quickly sank out to get Remus & Roman so they could continue with decorating.

"Alright you two, you can get back to decorating the living room!"

"Thank goodness, I wasn't sure how much longer I could take." said Roman with a relieved sigh. You see, Roman can't hold a spell outside the imagination up for long without feeling discomfort and having to put all his focus into it. The Creatwins had lied saying they had something to do together, and went to Roman's room so they don't raise suspicion around Logan.

"But I wanna keep helping Emo-nesance with the cake!" cried Remus.

"Don't worry Remus; I'm sure your creativity would be more helpful to Roman since you have a better idea of what Logan likes!" Patton reassured.

"Plus, you were sorta the cause of that huge mess to begin with, we need to clean that up. NOT have a bigger disaster." added Roman.

Remus agreed and they went to work decorating.

...

Virgil shut the door, relieved. He heard Logan's "thank you" outside the door, but was too anxious to respond. This anxiety-based side was leaning up against the door, taking deep breaths.

"Wow, Virgil. You don't look like you're going to flip out. What happened?" questioned Deceit, whom was washing the dishes.

"Logan almost came in here and saw the mess." was the reply, between a few deep breaths.

"Well, bad thing you stopped him then."

"I wouldn't have noticed if not for Patton, haha." Virgil said as he walked away from the door. "Speaking of which, I'm waiting on him to get the twins so Pat & I can finish up the cake;" glancing over at the bowls of cake batter & frosting strewn across the counters along with other baking things.

Patton suddenly opened the door, the door hitting the wall and making a loud, sudden noise. "Alright! Cake & bake time!" he giggled. Virgil jumped about a foot, clearly caught off guard.

"I- L- Uhm- Oh-...Phew... it's just you Patton. Speak of the angel." he said with relief, adding a chuckle at the end. "I thought you were Logan for a moment there."

"Sorry to scare you kiddo!" came as an apology from the Dad. "Setting that aside, let's finish this cake! Do you wanna help, D- ...Oh."

Deceit had slipped out of the room before either side could notice.

"No worries Pat, he's probably wrapping up his gift now, he mentioned it to me earlier." winked Virgil, acknowledging his pun.

That pun, of course, was met with a hug that almost toppled the two over.

...

It continued to repeat.

Alone in his room. Feeling the need to leave his room. Being subtly stopped, going back to his room. Finally come out for meal(for the final two meals, two different Sides got to choose the meal, but they chose something they knew Logan would like that wouldn't be too suspicious), nothing happens, return to his room again, repeat.

8PM. Logan felt what he predicted to be 'heartache' in his chest. It really does seem like everybody forgot, even though he did try his hardest to make subtle hints here or there, but perhaps they were just too difficult for the others. (Hint, they actually weren't subtle...)

Curled up on top of his bed, tears forming in his eyes, and that hollow chill returned. This was illogical to for him to feel. He shouldn't be dealing with these issues, that's Patton's job. Logan's expectations of the others were too high, they had forgotten his birthday. He really should have said something earlier. But it was way too late now.

Logan felt cognitive distortions flow through his thoughts. He couldn't control them. He began to think that finally intentionally opening himself up to the others was a mistake. Perhaps he would be the same as before if he just never fell in love. Or joined the FamILY. Things could have been easier. He wouldn't have to feel pain like this.

It was way too early to go to bed, but as the tears trailed down his cheeks, he found himself setting his glasses on his nightstand and pulling his weighted blanket over his shivering body.

...

"Alright everyone, is everything ready?" semi-loudly announced Patton.

"Decorations: Done!" Roman confirmed, high-fiving his twin. The two did a great job, they really got what Logan would like just perfectly. Not too extravagant, just a perfect balance.

"I didn't check with everybody already, none of Logan's gifts are ready." responded the snake-Side with an excited and reassuring expression.

"The cake is done, you know that already, Pop-corn." Virgil said with a metaphoric nudge. It was a two-layer, whipped-vanilla-frosted, galaxy-theme-decorated sheet cake. And both layers have crofters frosting inbetween the top and bottom half. Not too much to overwhelm the cake's taste, just perfect.

"I know Virge, I just wanted to hear everybody say that they're done! It makes it feel more complete." admitted Patton. "So that means we're all ready! Get to your places everybody, I'm going to sink out and get Lo-Lo!"

The other four sides scrambled to their places as the sky-blue Side tried to sink into the hall, right into Logan's room. He even made sure his entry was clear. But despite his efforts, he was met with a thump. He couldn't get through.

He tried a few more times. "That's odd, i'm almost always welcome in his room. It's very hard to particularly block somebody out." concern came from Patton's mouth.

"Let me try-" Virgil tried to say but was interrupted by Deceit.

"Yes. Despite my suspicions, this isn't one bit more serious. It might be worse that his boyfriends try to get him." the scaley Side reasoned.

Virgil nodded. "I guess you're right. But what do you mean, your 'suspicions'?"

"Well, you see... It takes alot of brain power to consciously block someone from entering your room. You could stop me from entering yours after all." Deceit paused to look the purple emo in the eyes.

"But it can't easily be done subconsciously, if it's what you want. Logan's unlikely sleeping... which is half the reason I am concerned."

"What do you mean, Fibber On The Roof?" asked Roman, with an unsettling feeling in his stomach.

"One, Logan absolutely sleeps at this time. He prefers to get 8 hours of sleep, period. Sleeping now would lead to too much sleep. Second... well, why wouldn't he want to keep any of us out?" Deceit directed his answers to Roman.

"Why would our dork be asleep at this time?" questioned Remus with a bit of concern.

"I know, but we definitely shouldn't go see what's going on..." responded the snake, lowering his head a bit. "Let's try walking there."

As the sides walked down the hallway to Logan's door Virgil put a hand on the Dad's shoulder, catching his attention. "Do you feel... something weird around us? Like, emotionally?"

"Oh... now that you mention it, I knew I felt something off... it's a sad aura for sure." was the reply. "How did you know?"

"I could feel something too. I think it has something to do with Logan..." Virgil said with a hint of concern.

The two chatting sides, who were a bit behind the others, finally got to the door. "I think you might just be right." reaffirmed the cardigan-wearing Side.

Deceit knocked on the door, in a specific pattern. Two knocks, two knocks, three knocks. Logan & Dee created a door-knocking code to know the basics of why they were trying to come in. Deceit used the "Worried about you" knock.

There was no response. The lying Side tried to turn the doorknob, but it wouldn't budge. Everyone glanced at each other with increasing worry. "Logan, please wake up and unlock the door. This isn't like you." Patton tried.

Roman whispered to Remus. The green twin nodded and summoned his morning star. Everyone was already stepped to the side, so Roman walked to the opposite side of the wall to L's room and prepared to charge.

Virgil had been discussing with Deceit when he noticed what was about to happen. "Roman, what are you-" the red royal Side finally charged. "ROMAN DON'T-" Virgil yelled, catching the others attention, causing them to watch.

Roman ran up to the door and tried to break it open with his brother's morning star. Upon impact, instead of breaking like wood, it acted like solid metal. There wasn't even a scratch on the logical nerd's dark blue door.

Due to the unexpected outcome, Roman fell over, hitting his elbows and shoulder blades on the ground as he tried to save himself. "ROMAN!" cried the cat-loving dad.

Patton & Remus went and helped Princey up, while the other two just stood there and shook their heads. "I'm good, don't worry guys. I've been through worse."

"If Logan does want us to come in, what made you think breaking the door would work?" queried Deceit about Roman's decisions.

"...Well, when you put it that way, I guess that makes sense. But it was worth a shot, right Lyin' Manuel Miranda?" Roman sheepishly tried to reason.

Deceit sighed and shook his head again. "Well, luckily for us, I think I thought of a solution that could work." the snake shape-shifted into, well, a snake.

"Oh, oh! I'll come too!" exclaimed Remus, shape-shifting into a tiny rat, the same height as Deceit.

As the two successfully snuck under the door, the other three watched them with surprised looks. Virgil broke the silence, saying "Roman, I'm not gonna lie, but I thought your idea was more plausible than theirs." (heh, Dee pun)

...

Once through, Logan's boyfriends shifted back to their regular forms. They saw their nerd lying on his bed sideways, turned away from them and grasping his star-themed weighted blanket tightly. (heh, another Dee pun)

Deceit whispered in Remus's ear. "Go unlock the door and let everyone in. Make sure they stay quiet and to the side for now. We don't want to overwhelm him." Remus nodded and went to get the others.

The snake-faced Side walked over to the logical Side's bed and sat in front of him. He started to rub his back and gently wake his boyfriend up.

"Logan, hey, wake up, please."

Logan groaned and opened his eyes. They were red, like he'd been crying. Well, now that he noticed it, Deceit could see tear track stains on the nerd's cheeks. Logan's expression changed from a tired one to a worried one as soon as he realized who woke him up.

"Dee, why are you in here...?" he queried with a mildly distressed tone.

"Well, first of all, you're not following your schedule which was concerning us, second off you were forbidding us from entering while you slept, and third, we-" Deceit's ramblings were cut off by Logan pulling him into a hug.

"Dangit, that wasn't very smart of me..." Logan choked out with a half-hearted chuckle. Voice shaking, he continued with "I... I sh-should've said something-"

"-What do you mean?" Right on cue, the others entered and were listening. Logan still hasn't noticed them.

"I've felt so lonely all day... I haven't felt this feeling since before we all made amends, it all feels so wrong and illogical and it doesn't help th-that-" he started sobbing into Dee's chest.

At this point everyone came up and started to comfort Logan. His boyfriends were hugging him tight, Patton was rubbing circles and other shapes into Logan's back, and the other two were just making sure their presence was known by occasionally saying comforting words with the others.

Finally after what felt like hours(but was actually a quarter of an hour, Logan spat out the rest of his sentence from before. "I-I thought... that you guys had forgotten about my birthday..." he said in between sniffles.

Realization hit all of them at once. They all had been practically ignoring them while they were making sure his party was perfect, not to mention none of them even wished him a happy birthday.

"Oh L... we're all so sorry." apologized Virgil on behalf of the others.

"We were all just so busy behind the scenes, we forgot to make sure you felt notice today!" explained Roman.

"It's quite alright, Roman," said Logan, smiling though there were tears still in the nerd's eyes. "Although... what do you mean 'behind the scenes'?"

The others glanced at each other. Remus stepped in, saying "Oh, you'll see! Go ahead and tidy yourself up first-"the green Side pointed at Logan's messy hair, tear-stained cheeks, reddened eyes and wrinkled clothing. "-And then, you might want to come to the living room, haha!" he laughed. Patton nodded.

"Let Virgil know when you're ready, we'll be in the living room." The others sunk out; while Virgil left the room. Before he was out of sight, he winked at Logan with a gentle smile.

...

In the living room, the others waited in the dark, quietly. They heard footsteps approach, or rather, just Logan's. Virgil has light footsteps, after all. "-I really don't see the point in having my eyes covered Virgil, I can't see where I'm going-"

Patton whisper-yelled. "They're coming, stay in your positions!"

"-Don't worry Logan, we're almost there, just a little more... There!" Virgil finished guiding Logan to the center of the living room and removed the scarf he had tied over his eyes.

Virgil flicked the lightswitch beside him, and everyone jumped out, yelling "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOGAN!"

A happy birthday, indeed.

...

(Epilogue: His gifts uwu)

"Alrighty Lo-Lo, are you ready to open our gifts?" Patton asked, bouncing with excitement.

"Why, of course."

"Alright then, open mine first!" Patton handed Logan a large(about as big as his torso), shiny, blue gift bag.

Upon opening it, he found a light brown stuffed bear and a little white notecard. Logan took a moment to admire the bear, he was awestruck by it. It was super soft and cuddly, its face was comforting to look at; The belly, paws, and inner ears were white and covered with tiny, shiny blue stars. The eyes changed depending on the angle you looked at it; Green at some angles, then brown, blue, purple, and so on. It even had a nice indigo galaxy print bow tied around the neck with the bow in the back.

"Patton... this is... impractical, but I love it regardless." he said with a smile.

Patton came up and gave him a hug. "Don't forget to read the card!" he cheerily reminded.

The small card had a cute little bear face and a bunch of stars all over it. Logan read it aloud; 'To our favorite left-brain nerd, Lo-Gi bear.' He groaned and gently pushed Patton away, while everyone else laughed.

"Here, you cannot open mine next." offered the snake. Deceit handed Logan a black, square box about the width of a shoe, tied with a silver ribbon.

Logan opened it to find a petaminx rubiks cube inside. All twelve sides(heh) matched each of his friends and himself, everyone having two themed sides each. The designs were intricate, making it so he would have to perfectly solve it; and Logan loved it.

Logan gave Deceit a big hug. "Thank you so much, Dee, this is wonderful." Deceit responded with "Of course, specs. I saw that the plain rubix cube you have was getting too easy for you, so I spent a while making this one for you."

Once their hug ended, Virgil cleared his throat and spoke up. "Here's mine, it's nothing really special..." the emo handed Logan a clothing giftbox and stuffed his hands back in his hoodie pockets.

Logan opened the box to find a nice blue cardigan sweater(like this one but with silver buttons and subtle constellations all over) inside. "'Nothing special'? Virgil, I cannot describe how much I appreciate this. Thank you." Logan reassured Virgil with a smile. Virge smiled back.

"Try it on, Lo!" cheered Patton, silently clapping.

Logan snaps his fingers, and immediately he's wearing the cardigan. It fits him well, definitely making him look more handsome. His boyfriends were swooning, and his friends were admiring the fact that for once, Logan looks so much happier.

"Well then; Roman, would you like to show me your gift next?" Logan snapped everyone back to reality, slightly blushing still.

"Oh! Of course, Galaxy Geek! Although, I must confess-" Roman started before Remus excitedly interrupted him.

"We had a big influence on each other's gifts! It's still our own gifts to you but we never would have finished these on our own!" Lo's ratty boyfriend proudly chuckled.

"Aww, I'm proud of you two!" cheered Patton once more. He hugged the Creatwins tight, happy with the progress they've been making.

"Thanks, Pat." Roman gave his gratitude. "Anyways," the prince pulled away from the hug. "You might wanna prepare yourself Lo, this is going to be big!" he boasted.

He presented a Book-sized moving-esque box, but much nicer. When Logan unwrapped the box, he was met with several thick, leather-bound books. Each had a title on them, written in silver ink.

"I've been working for ages, writing all these stories that I knew you would love!" Roman began to explain. "I even accidentally missed last year's christmas working on them..." he regrettably admited. "Oh, and last time, when I gave you that Sherlock Holmes fanfiction I knew that you weren't exactly a fan of the cover, so I spent a lot of time making these nice leather covers!"

Logan was surprised. "Wow, Roman... these are definitely intriguing. Thank you... wait, Remus said he helped you with these, what did he do?" he questioned.

"Oh, Remus gave me inspiration! Since prior to us all becoming friends once more, we had been unintentionally ignoring you, I wasn't quite sure what you would be interested in reading. So I went to Remus for most of the ideas, and had Deceit confirm some of the more concerning recommendations. Right Dee-More-Chill?" Roman answered, turning to the snake for confirmation.

Deceit nodded. "But speaking of our friendly stinkman, where did he go?" he looked around.

"Up here!" Remus called. He was hanging from the ceiling, again. He dropped off and fell into the deceitful Side's arms, only to be met with a bitter reaction from Virgil.

"Aw come on, I had him fall on top of me, and you caught him?!"

"Now now kiddo, relax; We're trying to fix things, remember? Let's not start a fight over something small." Patton gently reminded.

Virgil nodded. Remus ran over to the closet to get his present, calling his twin over to help carry it out. It was a large painting of a galaxy, subtly divided in thirds. One side was Roman's part of the imagination, the other side was Remus's part of the imagination, and the middle was the night sky in the real world.

Logan was-'pun not intended'-starstruck. It was beautiful. The fanciful brothers set the painting down and Logan walked up and gave them a big hug, followed by everyone else joining in.

"I told you, he would love it bro." Roman poked Remus's cheek.

"Yep! That big empty spot on the wall beside your bed had been bothering me for a while, so I thought this painting would be amazing! Roman helped with his sky and the real sky since I'm not too familiar with them." the Duke explained.

Logan chuckled. "To me, all of your existences are good." he told them, which was met with a tighter hug.

That night, they fell asleep in that same room, marathoning a ton of Logan's favorite movies and whatever else he wanted to watch.

Perhaps, Logan will finally admit to himself celebrating birthdays isn't so bad.

[leejeongz]

Stray kids reaction to their s/o waking them up to cuddle

💓okay so an anon requested this and now I just??? Can’t find it?? I’m sorry Hun!!💓

😯sorry for any mistakes in this, I proof read in a rush I promise I’ll re read later!!!😯

Bang Chan:

A peaceful Chan slept next to you in a huge black hoodie, sweats and fluffy socks while you lay restlessly awake in nothing but the thin hoodie you’d brought to the dorms with you. You decided to wake up your boyfriend by tapping him on his shoulder, if he didn’t wake up to that then you knew it was time to give up because you knew he didn’t sleep much.

“What’s up sweetie, hey you look cold wait there” no matter how tired he was, he threw the covers off himself and grabbed some clothes much like his. He handed them to you and told you to change into them. When you returned back to his small bed he was already almost asleep again. He pulled you into his chest and rested a hand on the back of your head playing with your hair slightly. Occasionally, he pressed a kiss on the top of your head and whispered I love you thinking you were asleep. When you replied with “I love you too” one time he just went really blushy and held you even tighter than before.

Woojin:

After a long day working all you wanted was a cuddle from your loving boyfriend woojin however when you returned home in the evening, he was passed out on the couch. As selfish as it was, you still woke him up by pretty much lying on top of him.

“Oh baby you’re home!” He said excitedly as if he hadn’t been sleeping for the past two hours. “I accidentally fell asleep while working on the choreography” he pointed at the radio playing their new song on repeat.

He knew exactly what you wanted and turned around, opening his arms as he did so. You lay on his chest for what seemed like hours yet neither slept or talked, just enjoyed each other’s presence. When it reached dinner time, Woojin tapped your shoulder and asked what take away you wanted since you could stay cuddling until it arrived instead of having to cook.

Lee Know:

You woke up at 2am thinking you’d had the best nights sleep and that it was 7am or something reasonable, not 2am. 3am soon came around after endless tossing and turning and you were worried you’d wake up Minho, but it was too late.

“Y/n? Aren’t you asleep yet?” He asked sleepily, yawning at the end of his sentence.

You explained your situation as he turned over to face you. You soon felt his arm go over your waist and pull you in gently. Although you didn’t purposefully wake him up, you were kind of happy he did wake up.

“If I cuddle you, you’ll sleep, I know you too well baby” he said before kissing your forehead, suggesting that you should try and sleep now you were in his arms.

Changbin:

It was his own fault, he made you watch that really scary horror movie. You were basically screaming his name to wake up.

“What is it?” He asked with a sharp tone.

“I can’t sleep because of that movie... can you... cuddle me please?” You asked apprehensively.

Changbin wasn’t much of a cuddler in bed at night, he just wanted to sleep. But tonight, he could see you genuinely wanted a cuddle so he asked you to turn over (mainly so you couldn’t see his blush) and he wrapped his figure around yours. Soon you heard snoring in your ear so you looked over to see changbin sleeping with a smile on his face. You kissed his smile and he, to your surprise, silently mouthed “I love you.”

You smiled to yourself as you turned over and it’s fair to say that Changbin loved to cuddle at night from that moment on.

(This gif doesn’t fit but I love it so?)

Hyunjin:

“Hyunjin I need cuddles” your text read. Admittedly it was kinda late at night but Hyunjin was normally awake now.

Truth was, at the dorms the boys were all sound asleep after a long day of filming for their next comeback. The ping of his phone woke one of his roomies so they woke Hyunjin. Through tired eyes he read your request and started to put on presentable clothes to leave the dorms in while replying to your message. When questioned by all the members he woke up, he responded with the honest answer “y/n wants cuddles and so do I why would I miss this chance?” Which all the members agreed with. He arrived at your house about half an hour after the text and you opened the door. He greeted you with a hug and a gentle “hello baby.�� No other words were needed until you were both tucked up in bed tangled in each other’s limbs.

“Thank you Hyunjin, I needed you here” you whispered into his chest.

“Well you have me whenever prince/princess” he said before kissing your forehead.

Han:

Normally it was you struggling to get him to sleep but tonight it was him. You worked and worked and worked on a piece of work due the next day until your eyes couldn’t take it anymore. You tuned to Jisung to see him fast asleep on your bed cuddling your teddy bear. Oh how envious you were of that bear right now but he looked so peaceful you didn’t want to wake him now. You kissed his head and tucked him into the covers being careful not to wake him before you went to do your night routine. Little did you know he’d woken up and wanted more of those cute kisses so he stretched out and grabbed your hand as you walked away.

“You’re tired y/n just come to bed, I know you want my cuddles”

You thought for a second, it was only one night of not putting face cream on it couldn’t hurt. You hopped into your bed and nestled into Jisung.

“You’re right, I do” his arrogance made you want them more and BOY did you want them in the first place never mind now.

Felix:

Felix was usually the cuddly one in this relationship, why were you awake at 3am with no muscular arms wrapped around you. You turned over to see Felix wasn’t even in bed. You quickly shot out of bed and into the living room where your boyfriend was fast asleep on the couch with a chocolate bar on the floor next to him. Admittedly he did look uncomfortable and suddenly your need for cuddles disappeared, you just wanted him to rest well and in a better position than the one he was screwed up in now so you woke him up.

“Y/n?” He asked while stretching out and scrambling to his feet “is that you?”

“Yes baby, why aren’t you in bed? Come on” you grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the bedroom.

He didn’t answer you but you gathered he probably couldn’t sleep so he went to get food and passed out on the way back. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep again, this time with you in his arms and his face 2mm away from yours.

(Why does Felix look like he has Dad hands compared to Changbin wtf?)

Seungmin:

Tonight was VERY cold and Seungmin was just fast asleep. How could he do that in such adverse conditions? You got up to turn the heating up, not caring of the huge bill you’d get at the end of the month when you heard footsteps following you. You turned around to see Seungmin shivering. He’d heard you get out of bed and woke up, worried about you not being able to sleep.

“Hey I was just coming to you that” he said pointing at the switch when really was only out of bed for you. You smirked a little, a plan coming together.

“Yeah... it’s broke I guess we’ll have to survive without it” you said mischievously and slugged back to bed with your best acting skills.

You got back into bed and seungmin followed, enveloping you leaving you to be the little spoon. You lay there for a while, content as ever before seungmin spoke up.

“I know the heating works y/n, I had it on earlier.” He said pretty loudly. “But I went along with it because I wanted to cuddle too” he whispered into your ear and pressing a kiss up against it sending the right kind of shivers down your spine. After a night of the cold shivers, this was just what you needed.

I.N:

Your first time sleeping in the same bed next to each other at night time and Jeongin was asleep before you even joined him. Something’s not right. You energetically shook Jeongin until he awoke.

“Can we cuddle pleaseeee?” You begged as he began to wake up still shaking him.

“If I say yes will you stop shaking me?” He pleaded jokingly.

You sunk into the bed next to him as he turned onto his front and put his arm over you. Maybe some others wouldn’t consider this cuddling but you gathered it was the most you were gonna get. You began to drift into a sleep when you were suddenly awoken by shaking.

“Sunshine... will you cuddle me now pleaseeeeee?” He mocked, knowing exactly how annoying he was being but continuing anyway.

Gifs aren’t mine

[not-so-innocent-bi-sander]

I’m Trash!

Ok. So this was an idea I remember from one of those “Famous Tumblr Text Posts” and I couldn’t not do it. I’m gonna get into that multi chapter thing next, I promise! But for now, Here is this thing. :P

Warning- blood mention. But also it’s me, so not anything crazy. Still lighthearted because that's all im good for.

The dark shadow slipped from under Roman’s door. The creative one was having a particularly vivid dream and on rare occasions things had the possibility to manifest in the mindscape. The shadow was free and it wanted to do something fun. It snuck along the walls, peering under the other doorways. Hmm. Too cheery. Hmm. Too serious.

It found a dark room with an equally dark form slumped forward at a desk, appearing to have fallen asleep still online rather than actually going to bed. The light emanating from the laptop was the only light to be seen. Ooo. This one would work. The shadow gave itself a bit more form, revealing itself to have glistening fangs which clamped down on a bit of exposed neck.

Virgil woke to a pinch on his neck, instinctively slapping the spot. “Ugh. Mosquitos? We have mosquitos? Jeez. What was I... Oh yeah. Tumblr.” The anxious one went back to Tumblr, it was only 2am, not bad for a normal night. Now where was he?

Around 7am, Virgil awoke again, his whole body burning from the inside. He peeled himself up from his desk, the laptop keys having left impressions on his face. He placed one hand on his face to rub the indentations and the other on his stomach as though doing so would calm his insides.

“Ugh…. That’s the last time I eat Chipotle… This week.” Virgil rubbed his stomach and groaned. He tried to get as comfortable as he could, grabbing his phone he started scrolling through Tumblr some more.

In what seemed like no time at all, he heard Patton calling him down for breakfast. He glanced at the clock and realized it was already nearly 10am.

“Man, Tumblr is such a time suck.” He said quietly to himself as he popped out of bed and opened his bedroom door, the light shocking his eyes and causing him to hide behind his forearm.

“Why is it so bright out here?!” He called as he walked down the stairs towards food, his eyes still shielded.

“It isn’t that bright, Virgil.” Logan pointed out, sitting at the table reading his newspaper.

“Says you. I think I might have migraine… Too much chipotle.” He wandered into the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee.

“Want me to fix you a plate, Virge?” Patton asked cheerily. Virgil looked over at the tasty looking spread that Patton had laid out. Just looking at it made his stomach turn even more sour.

“Thanks Dad, but I think I’m gonna sit out breakfast. My stomach isn’t doing so well. I’ll just take the coffee.” His eyes were still mostly shut, the light making his head hurt.

“Aw alright, Kiddo. I’ll come up to check on you in a little while. Go get some rest.” Patton smiled and patted his shoulder.

“You might have a cold coming on, you feel so cold!” Patton stated, pulling his hand away from Virgil. Virgil shrugged and took his mug upstairs, returning to the safety of his dark room. As soon as he was back out of the bright lights of the commons, he felt much better. He placed his mug on his desk and got on his laptop, playing some games to pass the time.

Once again, in what felt like no time at all, he glanced at the time and found that it had been multiple hours.

“Wow. I need to keep better track of time… Then again. You can’t load up The Sims without losing several hours of your life.” He closed up the game and heard a knock on the door.

“Virge? I brought you some lunch!” Came Patton’s cheery voice on the other side of the door. Virgil popped up and opened the door.

“Thanks, Pat.” Virge smiled gently and took the tray. He noticed that Patton had dimmed the hallway lights. Patton smiled and walked away, closing the door as he left so Virgil could continue resting. He placed the tray on his desk and meandered around his room a moment. The food looked pretty good, but it smelled strange to him. It appeared to be a pretty regular sandwich and fries. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary for any reason.

“Ouch!” He picked up a fry and instantly threw it back down. It was burning hot. Patton must have just made them. But he was a glutton for punishment a good french fry. He took a quick bite of one of them and found it burning the inside of his mouth just like it was burning his fingers. He tried to cool it down in his mouth but it didn’t seem to cool and he had to spit it back out.

“Man, why are these so hot? And… Garlicky? Huh.” Virgil shrugged and figured he’d come back to it later when they cooled down. He wasn’t hungry anyway. Plopping back on his bed, he was back on his phone. Another while of scrolling through tumblr when yet another knock on his door.

“Come in?” He called, not moving. Patton pushed the door open and walked in a little bit.

“How are you feeling, Kiddo? Dinner is about ready and…” Patton looked over at Virgil’s untouched lunch and his forgotten mug of coffee from that morning.  

“Have you eaten anything today, Virge? You must be pretty sick if you haven’t been hungry at all…” Patton walked in and slowly placed a hand on Virgil’s forehead, he was still so cold.

“I feel fine, Patton. I just wasn’t hungry? I don’t know. I think I’m just a little nauseous from whatever I ate last night. It’ll pass.” He shrugged. Patton worried, but thats what dads did. He grabbed the tray and the coffee and carried it out of the room.

“Just try and get some rest, ok Kiddo? I’ll leave a plate for you in the fridge if you get hungry.” He called over his shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.” Virgil continued laying there. He wasn’t sure why he wasn’t hungry… He just wasn’t. Maybe he should try and get some sleep. Placing his phone down, he put his hands behind his head in the most relaxed position he could manage.

Virgil laid perfectly still with his eyes shut, waiting for some amount of tiredness to come over him, but it never did.

/Great, another night of insomnia. Perfect, of course when i’m feeling sick I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Man, being anxiety can really suck sometimes, I bet tha-/ He thought to himself until he was interrupted by another knock on the door. Patton just left, who could it possibly be?

“Come in.” He called, watching the door open and Logan walk in. “Virgil? I can’t see you in here.” He stated, reaching for the light switch and flipping it on. Virgil opened his mouth wide and hissed at the bright light, much louder than the last time he had hissed at Logan during their debate. He flipped himself over and buried his face in the pillow. Logan could have sworn… In the light it almost looked like.. Virgil’s teeth were… No. That would be ludicrous.

“I uh.. Sorry,” Logan flipped the light back off and Virgil rolled back over to face him. “I just came to tell you that Roman wants to go on an adventure in his kingdom once again.. But Patton said you weren’t feeling well. So I just came to tell you we shouldn’t be gone longer than a day or so. I brought you these, in case you wanted some gentle entertainment while you were sick. I think they should be to your liking.” Virgil was confused, he glanced at the time and saw it was somehow 8am? Man, this stomach flu was really messing with his sense of time. Logan placed two very large books down on Virgil’s nightstand.

Looking over he saw one was a collection of Grimm’s Fairytales and the other was the nearly complete works of Edgar Allen Poe.

“Thanks, Lo. I’ll check those out. Have fun in la la land.” Virgil smirked. Logan nodded and left. Virgil got bored of Tumblr after some amount of time and eventually picked up the Brothers Grimm fairytales book. He did not expect all of these to be so dark.. Logan was right these were his kind of stories. They seemed to read pretty quick, it didn’t seem like very long before he had finished the hearty tome and put it off to the side. He grabbed Poe next, he had been told many times that this was something he would also enjoy.

This book was also great. Man, is this why Logan reads so much? These stories were awesome. He would have to ask that nerd if he had more books he could read. Another knock on the door. Man, these guys kept popping back in on him.  

“Yeah?” He called, not looking up from his Poe anthology.

“Virgil? How are you feeling?” Logan asked, pushing the door open once again.

“Uh, same as I was when you asked like half an hour ago?” He smirked, still nose deep in his book. Logan’s eyes opened wide.

“Half an hour? Virgil, I was gone with Roman and Patton for nearly 3 days. Have you not… Slept? Eaten? ..Moved at all?”

“Pshh. Logan. If you are going to try to trick me, go with an amount of time that makes sense. All i’ve managed to do since you were gone was…. I dont know. I was on tumblr for a while… I read like both of these books. Great books by the way. Do you have any more?” Virgil gestured to the two huge books Logan had left with him.

Logan had to keep his excitement for Virgil’s reading to himself, there was something very wrong here.

“…Stay right here. I’ll be right back.” Logan quickly left, leaving Virgil there with a shrug as he finished up his book. Logan returned in, what of course felt like no time to Virgil, about a half hour.

“Virgil, please come downstairs, i’ve dimmed the lights and everything.” Logan poked his head back in.

“Ugh. What is it Lo? I promise I’m fine. I’m just sick or something.” He tossed the book down and followed behind Logan. The light in the rest of the house was dim, and while it stung his eyes a little, it was manageable. He plopped down on the couch across from Roman and Logan, Patton seemed to be busy in the kitchen.

“Virgil, we are… Are you using a different foundation? You look even paler than usual.” Roman began, getting distracted by his appearance. Virgil shrugged.

“I don’t know, I haven’t checked my makeup in the mirror in a while? Maybe this is just what my skin looks like without makeup. It’s not like I go outside.”

“…In anycase. Virgil… We are concerned about your well-being. You aren’t eating, sleeping.. You seem to be unaware of the passage of time. Are you feeling well? You may be seriously ill.” Logan noted. Virgil suddenly sniffed the air deeply.

“Man… That smells amazing, Patton. What are you making?” He didn’t even realize he was on his feet all of a sudden, his feet carrying him toward the kitchen. Logan, however, did notice how much Virgil’s pupils dilated when he took that whiff of the air. As well as noting he couldn’t smell anything at all. He got up and followed after Virgil, Roman noticing everyone moving and followed.

“Oh, I’m making you some chicken noodle soup, Kiddo! Great for when you are sick! I haven’t actually started cooking yet though.. So i’m not sure what you are smelling? I’m just chopping the vegetables.” Patton chuckled. “Although… With how dark it is in here, I slipped a little and cut my finger pretty good.

Patton held up his hand, blood dripping down his index finger in a thin line that was trailing down his hand. Virgil was absolutely transfixed on the cut and the trail of blood. Logan watched Virgil, staring intensely at Patton’s blood. He reached out to put a hand on Virgil, but the anxious one had stepped forward and gently grasped Patton’s forearm.

“I don’t know why… But I want to… I can’t… I need…” Virgil was struggling with something and he surprised them all when he leaned forward and licked the line of blood from Patton’s forearm up all the way to his fingertip.

“MMMMmmmm…..” He uttered.

All of them stood in shock.

“Uh.. Kiddo? Are you… Some kind of.. Vampire?” Patton asked, a bit shaken. Virgil paused a minute before just kind of shrugging.

“You know… That would actually explain a lot. Huh. I just kind of thought I was…. You know… Trash.”

@twentyoneparades-to-panic-at @celiawhatsherlastname @de-is-me @authordreaming13 @introverts-assemble @lilylunalovegood2002 @musicwitchthomas @didsomeonesayprince @heracaine @freepaperie081 @loverofpizzaandallthingssweet @cefmua56 @justanotherpurplebutterfly @kittyboof8 @emphoenixcat @morticiaaddams1

[sunshinedjh]

Summoning Love Part Eight: Different

Summoning Love: Phil Lester has the ability to make anything he desires appear at will. However, with great power comes great responsibility. And along with his parents wanting to disown him, his entire school thinking he’s a freak, and being the only person in this world he knows of with a hidden power, things can get rather lonely…   Phan |Superpowers |High School Au |

-

Part Seven

-

Word Count: 1266

-

Wattpad<<<

-

Warnings: N/A

Phil awoke with a start, his breathes heavy and sudden. Images still flickering through his head of what had happened two nights ago.

It was stupid really, that he'd had a nightmare about it. Sure he'd been chased and threatened with knives that night, and that was obviously what his dream had been about. But that night had also probably been one of the best nights of his life for another reason.

Shaking his head thoroughly, Phil tried to get rid of the thoughts, not only about his nightmare but also about the boy he'd found himself constantly thinking about over the last couple of days.

It was as Phil concentrated and woke up properly that he noticed what he was surrounded by. A strange abundance of objects appeared to have found their way onto his bed. Including some dvds and books, some socks, and a pair of underwear (probably his, though possibly not).

Sleep summoning.

That was the only explanation. It had happened to Phil before, though albeit it hadn't in a while. It only seemed to occur when there was something in particular troubling him.

Rubbing his eyes and pushing the duvet off himself slightly, knocking a book off his bed in the process, Phil took a rather puzzled stretch.

He got up and began returning the things to their rightful place, when he heard his phone buzz.

Diving to grab for it, he turned it on. Who on earth would be texting him at 7am...

From: Dan Today 07:03am

'Hey, do you wanna walk to a school together?'

Phil froze, rereading the message multiple times before even thinking about a response.

Did Dan consider the two of them to be friends now? Was that a thing, they were gonna just hang out from now on? Phil didn't mind at all, he almost anything but minded actually. It just seemed a bit strange to actually have someone to call his friend. Other than Pj of course, who Phil really wished he got to see more.

Composing himself, Phil began to type out a response.

From: Phil Today 07:04am

'Sure, where do you wanna meet? xx'

After arranging a meeting place and placing his phone down, Phil frantically began rummaging through his wardrobe to decide on what to wear.

His hands momentarily settled on the leather jacket he'd worn the day Dan had saved him, that was a definite no. NASA shirt, no. Plaid shirt, no. Phil sighed. Was it just him or did it seem like he was getting ready for a date?

He finally settled on a denim jacket, with a white shirt and skinny jeans.

After eating breakfast, brushing his teeth and making his hair look moderately presentable, Phil decided he was ready to head out.

-

Checking his phone every two seconds, Dan was waiting.

He wasn't the most patient person in the world admittedly but Phil was ten minutes late for gods sake!

It didn't help that it was pouring with rain either, causing Dan to look more like a drowned hamster than a human. He'd taken refuge under a tree about five minutes ago, giving up on pacing up and down.

He scrolled though his texts to Phil over and over, cringing at how needy and clingy he sounded now that he looked back at them.

His gaze fell upon the kisses Phil had sent to him in some of the messages. Dan wouldn't have dared to send kisses to Phil, but when Phil did it to him Dan couldn't help but like his heart was being tied up in knots.

As much he loved the idea of him and Phil hanging out from now on, he couldn't help but be a little afraid that he was gonna accidentally blurt out his undying love to the man at any moment. He couldn't help it, Phil was just so damn...

Beautiful. Holy shit, there he was (and about time). Dan eyed him in curious awe as he walked down the street towards him, giving Dan a goofy wave.

'Hello there Howell' Phil beamed.

Dan almost felt himself wince at being called Howell, that was what all the bullies called him. He didn't wince however, since he felt as though his surname sounded quite nice when it rolled off Phil's tongue.

'H h hello' Dan greeted.

He watched as Phil's eyes looked him up and down curiously, before he decided to step under the tree that Dan was using for shelter.

'Your hair isn't so curly when it's wet huh?' He said thoughtfully. 'Well no, obviously not' Dan chuckled. 'Why, don't you like my hair straight?' 'No, I just... curly hair suits you' 'Thanks, I'll bear that in mind'

'Do you wanna start walking?' Phil asked, grabbing Dan's wrist. Dan felt his body tense, Phil was so nearly holding his hand. All he could do in response was give a weak nod and try not to freak out as they began walking.

'You know' Dan began, trying to rapidly distract himself from thoughts of hand holding 'I used to hate my hair being curly' 'Really, how come?'

'I don't know I guess I just thought it was different to everyone else's, no one else I knew had naturally curly hair. And well I didn't like being different, so I straightened it every day so no one would ever see'

'It's good to be different though' Phil exclaimed. 'No one should wanna be like everybody else' Dan paused. Somehow Phil's very cliche statement got him thinking.

'Yeah, but you know, I was already pretty different in another way...' 'I guess so' Phil said thoughtfully 'I suppose we're both not the most normal of people'

Dan scoffed. 'Oh come on, I'm more different than you. There's being a nerd different, and then there's having actual wings different'

'Hey shut up the wings are cool!' Phil found himself defending. 'When did this become an outcast competition anyways?'

'I don't actually know' Dan giggled. 'And anyways did you call me a nerd?' 'Yes I did' Phil let out an offended gasp.

'A cool nerd, though' Dan added, turning to look at Phil at just the right moment to catch his lips upturn into a smile. Realising he probably shouldn't be looking at Phil's lips, Dan quickly turned his gaze up to Phil's eyes.

'It's weird, don't you think' Phil stated, catching Dan, who was distracted and not expecting the boy he was gazing at to suddenly speak, by surprise.

'What is?' 'How we get along so well after having only just become friends'

Dan nodded thoughtfully. 'Yeah, it is, I feel like we've been friends for ages' He agreed, blinking and pausing as if he was deciding whether or not to add something to the statement.

'You know, I'm not usually one for sentiment' he spoke up 'but I like you Phil, I hope we can remain with each other' 'That's a strange thing to say' Phil commented.

Dan thought for a minute. Thought about all the people who had come and gone in his life, all the people who had left him. He hadn't even considered he fact that that might be classed as a weird thing to say.

'Well I guess I just mean that you make me feel less like I'm so different to everyone else' Phil nodded, seemingly in understanding.

He began to think about his powers, how Dan was the only other person he'd ever met before with a power. Phil knew he'd have to tell him, but not right now. Soon.

'I like you too Dan, and you know, you may be different, but you and me aren't as dissimilar as you might think'

Next Chapter