#i i cant spell and google wont fucking help

[mindmushyyyy]

younger me kinin is fucking stupid me now

also me

the moment i see these bozos

we are literally the same fucking person

[wh6res]

127 SQUAD AND ROMANTIC BF TINGS

tw a lil bit of suggestive on jae's but nothing explicit

✰ — TAEIL would sing lullabies over the phone or video call. you and him would just be doing your own thing, not talking but enjoying being each other's presence. he'll probably pull out his guitar and start singing random songs until he eventually notices you fell asleep on him. will not end the call and when you wake up in the morning, his snores and his cute sleeping face is the first thing you see. "love? you still there? ... taeil?" then laugh out loud when you hear his snores instead. "okay yeah lets sleep more" the call will only end probably because his phone died. he kinda strikes me as a guy who's phone is always < 50% battery lmao

✰ — JOHNNY is your everything. literally. as long as he has the power of youtube, google, and instruction manuals on his side, he can fix anything and everything for you. we've all seen him do crafty things on jcc lmao so it'll probably apply to relationships as well. will 100% say you now owe him cuddles for fixing something for you. you kinda dont like the fact that he's doing all these things for you so you try doing them on your own without him knowing only to fail big time. "what did we learn today?" "never touch the pipes under the sink" "and?" "and always ask johnny for help" "nuh-uh thats not how i said it" you sigh exasperatedly "always let my smokin hot amazing handsome boyfriend johnny suh get the job done"

✰ — TAEYONG doesn't care whether you take the time shopping or not. in fact, he loves seeing you all excited and giddy for pampering yourself as you should. totally the type to hold the paper bags even if you complain and say you can manage on your own. is a complete angel and will wait patiently outside changing rooms and will give you genuine insight he has of the clothes you picked. "that looks nice. you should get that. the length is just right and the sleeves help accentuate your waist" "really yongie?" "yes love. i mean you look pretty in everything anyway" miss ma'am my heart just fucking melted ?¿?

✰ — YUTA doesn't look like it but will exert real effort into things. would be the type to have a note or a google doc about your favorite orders from restaurants because he just loves how your eyes light up appreciatively and you look so smitten by him. its like a cheat sheet. eventually he memorizes the list with how much time he spends with you and he wont even need it. the type to always bring you food before meeting you (if its just hanging out inside the house). "no way! i was just craving for these!" he smiles before kissing your forehead, volunteering to put the food out its container for you. "i figured. you'd been working since this afternoon. lets eat first then you can tell me about what you've been working on so i can help you, okay?"

✰ — DOYOUNG loves cooking for you. i highkey feel like its his love language? like cooking for you and seeing your eyes light up as it darts back to him after you take your first bite from whatever he cooked just gives him so much happiness. its disgustingly sappy and he doesn't like talking about it. now he understood fully what it meant to see your loved ones eating and being full yourself or some shit. idk how the actual quote goes okay dont come 4 me but u probably get it. anyway the type to always pack you lunch and will get hella mad if you skip meals. "what do you mean you havent eaten yet?" "yeah but i will after i--" "you mean you're going to eat Now?" "what? no maybe later--" "thats it im coming over"

✰ — JAEHYUN would be the type to make you playlists. its really random sometimes he'll send them to you in the early morning for the heck of it bc he cant sleep. most of the time its him being horny lmao the frat boy in him awakening and sending you a playlist called imma blow your back out or something extremely cringey and thirsty pls dont block his sorry ass maybe he'd spell out the words using song titles too! idk jae just rlly strikes me as a guy who's love language is music. "hey babe did you check the playlist i sent you?" "wtf its 4am???" "oh so you havent listened to it yet?" "fuck off" but at the end of the day he'll come over and will use the playlist to,,, you know,,, do the sexy thing ;)

✰ — JUNGWOO always makes sure you walk on the inside of the road. you know when you're walking in the street and he softly nudges your waist? yes. will probably even scold you playfully because with how long its been since you both are together, "babe you always walk on the inside of the road how many times do i have to tell you?" is also the type to remind you to wear your seatbelt immediately after hopping onto his car. would ask you Again while in the middle of the car ride because he forgot that he already asked you earlier. please don't mind him he's just looking out for you bb. "seatbelt?" "yes, babe. already done" "are you sure? i dont think i heard it click--" "babe eyes on the road please" "oh right sorry"

✰ — MARK sends you tiktoks, vines, or memes. this is his love language fite me im calling it. he just wants to see you laugh too okay? thats why he does it. i mean it made him laugh, so maybe it will you laugh too. also because he hopes to make inside jokes with u cuz he believes thats how people really get close and stuff. would definitely love it if you do the same thing with him. you'd be chilling in the sofa while khalid plays on the bluetooth speaker and he'll suddenly go "babe babe babe check this out!" then you both proceed to laugh at a vine for the next thirty minutes <3 #living.the.yn.life

✰ — HAECHAN will do your skincare for you when you're drunk or super tired that you just passed out cold on the bed. would probably come into the room to see you snoring and tutting bc now he has to do it for you again but meh deep down he loves it because he enjoys admiring your sleeping face. its sorta like a healing thing for him? yeah it just washes away all the stress he's feeling and bb is just excited about the idea that this becomes "your thing" with him if u get what im saying? altho the next day he'll probably use it as a leverage to get out of chores :) "no way im not folding our clothes" "and why is that?" "i took your make up off yesterday u know how hard that is? im still tired" "but its literally the next day--" "awww thank you for doing my chores, baby! u the best!" ._.

[cuddly-bakugo]

Memories

Bakugo X F!Reader

A/n: I wanted to get something posted today. I’m working on the request I have and I plan on posting it tomorrow! For now hope you like this! Sorry if its a little annoying but the reader has a healing quirk.

(Image is not mine I found it on google, and thought it was hot so this is his outfit in the fic)

    Bakugo was your boyfriend, he had just gotten done doing some intense training with Kirishima. He came in with his white plus ultra t-Shirt, baggy sweat pants, and the gloves from his hero outfit. As soon as he set his stuff down you ran up behind him and hopped on his back for a piggy back ride.He groans at your weight on his sore back.

“Hey babe how was your training session?” you ask full of energy. You had stayed home because you had a fever earlier. You were there all alone with nothing to do so you had a ton of energy.

“Tch it was nothing I kicked shitty hairs ass the whole time.” He says. You can tell he’s lying because he seems pretty beat up. you hop off his back and he sighs in relief. He hasn't turned to look at you which is weird because he always kisses you the second he gets home.

“Can you turn around for me babe?” you ask somewhat worriedly. He groans but turns around while looking at the ground. You grab his chin and force him to look up, that is when you see the wounds and scratches on his face. There’s a little bit of blood coming from one of the cuts, its not anything serious but you hate seeing him hurt like this.

“You dummy you should have told me right when you got in!” you say as you cup his face with your hands and start healing him with your quirk. While your healing him you put your forehead on his as you both touch noses. he sees a small tear run down your cheek. He doesn't like when you use your quirk because the drawback is that it brings up terrible memories the entire time your using it. He can’t take seeing you cry anymore so he rips your hands off his cheek.

“I told you not to use your quirk on me dumbass. I don't like seeing you cry because your trying to help someone else, especially if its me!” he says sounding very annoyed and irritated. he kisses your forehead and then pulls you into a tight hug. when you hug him back you use your quirk again hoping he wont notice. As you both pull away he sees that your still crying, and when he touches his face he feels that the cuts are gone.

“If I can’t stop you from using your dumb quirk then do you want to talk about the memories?” he asks sounding genuinely nervous. 

“ We can talk about them later, are you still sore?” you ask hoping that he is so you can cuddle.

“Of course I’m still sore dumbass your quirk cant fix the pain just the wounds outside.“ you giggle at the fact he’s telling you how your own quirk works.

“cuddle time?” you ask looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

“Go in my closet and take a hoodie, I could use some cuddles right now.” You imidiaely run up the stairs as fast as you  can and sift through all his hoodies and the clothes on the floor. You cant find the one hoodie your looking for, which is very good news. You run back downstairs grab his bag and grab the hoodie out of it.

“ Baby what the fuck are you doing?” he asks knowing that you’d be going for that one.

“I’m getting a hoodie just like you told me to do idiot.” you say as you throw it on over your head.

“Well no shit sherlock, but you can’t use that because its dirty pretty girl.” Bakugo says as if that's going to make you take it off.

“but Suki it smells like you! You know I love the ones that smell like you the most.” you say in your whiniest voice.

“I know that baby,but you do realize that since its covered in my sweat that if I use my quirk at all your going to explode right?” he says giving you the look that says “You already know why I don't like when you do this”. 

“Of course I know that, but do you really think I care? No. Now if you want those cuddles as and as you made it sound then come here and cuddle me you big sweaty dog!” You say jokingly.

Bakugo comes over to you throws you over his shoulder, carries you up the stairs, then throws you on the bed. Right after he proceeds to fall face first right on top of you, his face falls directly onto your boobs. 

“You know those dumb posts about a girls boobs being the best pillow? Well their absolutely correct. Your boobs are so nice and soft. I really should use them as a pillow more often.” You giggle a run your hands through his hair slightly massaging his scalp. You lean your head down towards your chest to kiss Bakugo’s head. He nuzzles into your chest some more.

“Ok now Im tired of laying on top of you. I feel like I’m crushing you.” and with that you two swap places so now your laying on his chest as he plays with your hair. This eventually lull’s you to sleep while you lay there on Bakugo’s chest.

A/n: I hope you liked this! Its currently 2AM for me so... I should probably sleep. but I know I’m not going to. Sorry if there are any spelling or grammar errors i’m very tired.

[pokefanbri]

https://www.facebook.com/104057744428568/posts/156998459134496/?sfnsn=mo&d=n&vh=e

Fucking told him its a huge red flag if someone doesn't get rid of their apps. Multiple apps. Smh 😠 "oh yea i don't use them anymore" proceeds to use fb dating app" for real come on bro!

Some comments of the post:

"If you have to be checking up on your Partner then you shouldn't be with that person.. Idk how people have time for all this .. love yourself and know your worth.."

"If you're in a serious committed exclusive relationship you should not be on tinder. That's how I met my fiance and as soon as we said we are gf and bf and exclusive we both deleted it. Honestly if I was her I would have broken up with him too"

"a person also has a right to trust their gut feeling and check things out if something's not feeling right. Knowledge is power"

I've already discussed this but this news clip further validates my point of the topic, nothing more. I could call him out on hs bs further with detail, but I won't....yet, out of respect even though he probably doesn't deserve it. Til he reaches me & apologizes for everything he's done, i can say whatever tf I want & i could make a whole damn list.

Its the events of this what happened that started our downfall to begin with cuz i didn't trust him & he didn't even try to gain it back just left it as is when I could've turned my back right then & there, no apology either. Didnt apologize much actually, not even when i last saw him. But from then we spiraled & he got bored of me. I wasn't giving him what he wanted in whatever way & he wanted to find more. Closed himself off from the beginning & that created his boredom 😒

Would've had a blast together like a normal fucking couple if he was less closed off, & wouldn't have felt the need to do shit behind my back.

I'll stop talking about it for now, I have the anger & urge to keep going but I wont...actually no Screw it im pissed 😡 but ill keep it light. Its just not fair, I did so much for him but I was disrespected in different aspects of the whole relationship. Fuck! I've talked about the positives alot cuz i do love him..but the negatives are such bs too.

I want a good ass sincere apology for all of it so I can forgive him & move on, ive already apologized myself even though I dont think I should have to 😒. Didnt even give me a straight answer for the breakup, it was always a different excuse when I know he just wanted to pursue other women without me around im not fucking stupid. His own toxicity was too much even for himself & I was in the line of fire, to where i was the toxic one? No fuck that its unacceptable, he always lied when it came to covering his own ass.

For all i know he's watching me squirm & taking pleasure in all the pain I'm going through over him cuz he likes the attention. But no I actually don't think so on that one he's still good & ill give him credit where its due. But I gave him all the attention he wanted/needed & still wanted more from someone else. Really dude fucking really!?

Man up & own up to your mistakes, speak to me where I can actually hear ur voice speaking back to me with sincerity. We'll apologize together. Yea ull be pissed about this, but after u get over it & calm down. Give in & call me, granted when ur ready, & open up for once in your damn reserved life. Itll help us both with more closure & may even take a weight off our shoulders if we just talk it out, no arguing...since we're done there's no point anyway..a friendly non judgment zone cuz idc, i won't think of u any less.

U confused me during & especially after the relationship cuz i didnt know who u really were, i know the good cuz that's what u allowed me to see, ive accepted the bad that I knew already & from what ive learned...i accepted u regardless.

I always forgave u & not cuz im passive, cuz forgiveness is what the Bible teaches.. ive forgiven u & myself the best i could especially with the last things ive showed u, (accept this part cuz im pissed rn & standing up for myself, ill delete eventually maybe if u ask cuz nobody wants to be seen any less of a person. but I can make it alot worse, calling me the mistake was the worst thing u ever said to me & pointing out your faults so u can be better throughout the relationship was my only toxicity to u) we actually never really fought except the 1 time, just argued a tiny bit rarely about little things.

Ive tried using every ounce of my courage to show u how much im sorry for any wrong ive done. but its up to u now to make things right. U know me, ive always said that u can talk to me about anything. I want to be able to trust again & move on whilst staying friends. What else do u have to lose, might even have a great heart to heart convo dude to dudet

Everything ive ever said up to this point lies all my Questions. But here's most of the list, we both were equally in control of the relationship. Maybe u didn't want me to? But doing everything I had to for myself & the household, what u & ur parents wanted of me & just me being me cuz i had to, u had your own part to play & did provide...but did u actually not want me to cater to u if it were a sign u were lazy or something? Like did u not feel worthy of me? What is it u think is my "addicting personality" that isn't fixable on the surface? What is it really that u didnt like about me? This is why i don't have closure, u left me like this, confused as well as wanting more since u held back so much. Was that on purpose to give me even more false hope & want me to pine over u? Did u ever or do u still, love me at all? What did u want from me & out of the relationship, what was the purpose of it from ur perspective & why do u think i couldn't give that to u? What did i lack that u felt compelled to not tell me so I could improve & vise versa so we both could improve? Why wouldn't u allow me to help u become a better man when (I shouldnt have to btw), its exactly what u wanted but maybe didnt see it? Do u realize your own faults even as u do them? Lol. Like i genuinely want to know as much as the good ive seen, cuz to be better the more open of a person u are the more u understand yourself too.

Unless claiming u want to be a better man is part of ur alluring charm in love bombing process to land a caring girl on purpose lol...god I hope not, that would just mean u rinse & repeat like a for real narcissist 🤔 seriously tho look into that im not even kidding, im asking cuz i care. Im pissed now but 1 thing is that im trying to not put ur behavior against u cuz maybe u can't help it, its just the way u are, all ive seen & experienced points to maybe 50% of u lol. Ive always suspected narcissism, a real psych problem that might be worth looking into. But yea 1 of the reasons especially why im so forgiving & trying not to put it against u, why i still care despite u being a dick lol. I chose to look past it, all the time & up to now cuz I understand what its like to have psychological ailments. The worst part about it is most dont realize it, so i encourage u to do some research & self reflection & admitting it to urself are the 1st steps. Okay? There's different kinds & levels to being 1 too, i found that fascinating. bryan is definitely a different type, ur more lighter than that...definitely not the worst which is the physical harm type. Trust me its worth finding out more about yourself, just dont use it to ur advantage in a bad way but i trust u to do right & grow. Not sure a discarded supply (ie me) has ever tried telling a narcy what they might be for the benefit of their own self awareness 🤔,idk if its ever been done, but theres a 1st for everything? U can find alot on it in quora digest alone but Google is also ur friend.

You always were worth every effort of mine to help u in any way to be happy, & i was most happy when u were. U mean alot to me still, its the effect u had on me, I was under ur spell lol its hard to rid myself of it still, not sure when it'll pass. I chose to see it as a gift rather than a curse, that ur effect on me is still so strong when I shouldn't give a damn. If u really are a narcy, then I understand & don't put alot against u cuz its just the way u are & i need to accept it, but if it somehow helps u to help yourself cuz of it, then whats the harm? But, even in doing this or having my socials public for u...maybe just feeds into what u want...i still dont care, I want u to see how bad or good im doing without u in my life, so u know im okay at least. U promised friendship, least I can do is allow u to keep tabs on me too we spoke of, on my end of things.

The 18th of June was the last time i saw u. It'll soon be a month ago in about a week & a 1/2 & your birthday would mark 2 months. Cant believe we couldn't even last through to that 😔

Mark my words playa I will be contacting u on that day lol. Can't ghost your homie forever sweetie

[taeslut]

stay with me in 2017

isnt that cute my title kind of rhymes but hello it is me again and this is more or less my (unofficial) 2nd appreciation post bc its a new year and i thought why not also pls ignore my lack of banner i decided to do this on a whim and i honestly cant wait for my photoshop to start up so (and this is in no order at all):

@hwangsae: my dude no need to worry about ur hermitting we understand and we are a ok just as long as you dont completely forget about us. thank you for helping 2016 be less shitty than it was and i treasure our shits n giggles in form time and english. youre always a riot to be with and its literally never boring with you and thanks for always making cheesecake with me; lets hope there are many more cheesecakes in the future (maybe even one where we use an actual cake tin), im sorry for encouraging a certain someone to talk to you to sort his shit out but no worries if he does anything else imma kick his skinny ass for u. i adore your art (bUT IM STILL RGHWJKDF U DIDNT LET ME KNOW I WAS ONLY THE 89TH AND 90TH NOTE) and i will continue to support you in your art and also whatever you decide to do in the future but i do really hope you join me in classics next year. i cant believe how lucky i am that i met you and we’ve maintained our friendship to this point and its gonnA BE SO FRICKIN GREAT WHEN WE GO TO BALL THIS YEAR IM SO HYPED and im so glad we can share moments like that together. i hope youre not too gutted about your math score bc u can always resit and at least you didnt fail which is always good. i have literally so many things i could say about u n our friendship like ur dispatch level photos of me and youre tendency to eat messily especially sushi but i have other ppl to write about too so i will keep this short and let u kno i appreciate u and love u very very much. youre my best friend and here’s to another (hopefully) great fucking year.

@gooseapartment: even tho u have dubbed me with less than ideal nicknames i am nevertheless grateful for your friendship (s/n: i typed out grateful as greatful at first and i stared at it like this isnt right and i had to stare at it for 5 minutes before i understood). even tho i FUCKING HATED AS MATHS ARUHRGJWUGHI you made it more bearable and easier to understand with your chinese lessons. im sososo happy you have gotten into kpop this year as i have yet another friend i can yell with. even though your jokes are lame and i never laugh at your puns, i still appreciate you so so much and idk how id survive in chem without you next to me (especially considering the people we sit with aside from sophia). our conversations are diverse and never really boring and i love hearing about your sunflowers and other plants and your art and drawings and plans for a yt channel and your art blog that u havent posted on and your different jisoos (how is that going btw). i honestly wouldnt have survived in china without you and thank you so much for keeping in contact with me n using wechat bc china hates google n fb. you are such an incredibly strong and inspiring person and i hope you have the best time on camp (even tho u have less than ideal ppl to do it with LOL). i really really hope you come to ball this year because it wouldnt be the same without :((( thanks for being a part of my life for the past 3 years and lets make it a great 4th

@yixmg: its amazing how we have become so close in such a short amount of time and i am so grateful to have met you and gotten the chance to talk to you and realise that no u r quite different from what i thought but in a good way and thank you for putting up with me for basically the whole year last year with me n serena constantly coming over and thank you for listening to me n my problems n my bitching abt certain people. youre hilarious and one of my favourite people to hang around and i frickin love your vines so much i am sad for you that vine closed down :(((( i hope you dont stop making vines even tho u said u might or take up something like filmography or smth idk but you are so talented and i am jealous. its sad we wont be in the same classics class but i wish you luck with your subjects next year (as is a bitch). ur constant love and support for yixing is so cute and admirable (especially bc i am a slut who changes ults every other day) and i love how rapline is rapline and also (current) exom. it makes me happy how whenever we hang out it always involves food and i hope we can go to sura again and study @ the library and hopefully find a spot this time. i am in a constant state of jealousy at the amount of boys u get dang i wish i couldve walked under cherry blossoms w jshaw :((( i love how hardworking you are and im sososo lucky that i got to be one of your friends. i also used ur pen u gave me for math mocks in my eoy exams and ya girl got an a in english so i also have that to thank you for. lets hope we have many more food outings this year along w korean n chinese movies. thanks for being a part of my life and for making 2016 less shitty for me bay-hope :))))

@pixelatedphysiognomy: hoe thanks for all the hoe posts this past year and extra thanks for the dog posts they are one of the few constants in my sad life and i appreciate them very much. i love how i can tell u abt things that made me angry and you will also get angry. i forgot how the whole hoe things started but i am glad it happened because i dont think we really had the awkward first stages of friendship (but correct me if im wrong lol ) i enjoy talking to u about cartoons and the conversations where we exchange “hoe” for days is something i hold dear to my heart. even tho juniors are annoying u are one of the few (ie 3) that i wouldnt mind being friends with. maybe this year ill join the chess club and become chess grandmaster n if i really wanted to get into the role i know a guy to get some of the good shit. thank you for being a part of my 2016 and i hope you stay for the future years for more than just my licence. also i hope 2017 is the year u come to terms with your hoeing.

@yueu: i didnt know which one to tag so i am tagging the newest one. you are one of the cutest people i know and i love ur out of nowhere questions without any context. thank you for being my awkward bean friend this year and i hope we can become closer in the coming year. i love your art so much and you are so talented and i hope you never stop making art and become famous so i can be Famous By Association. you, much like my only other y10 friends, have become such a big and important part of my life considering the short amount of time we’ve known each other and im so grateful to have a friend like you in my life. i hope we can have a great 2017 together and u get all the bread in the world

@seokjinhoney: i havent talked to u in aaaages omg and i know you are on hiatus but thank you so much for being a part of my life. it was so cool to meet someone like you online and its crazy to find out we’re in the same country and meeting you was so frickin cool. youre such a lovely person and i hope we have more time to talk this year

@hmuhansol: rylee u r one of the coolest people i have met this year. even tho its only been like a few months since we started talking we’re already p close considering we were strangers before. i think its so cool how interest you are in maths n science and i hope everything with your school goes well and u get your job witht he fancy name i have 0 capability of remembering bc i am Dumb As Heck. i hope my package arrives soon and i hope you like it even tho it isnt much but i hope we get closer in 2017 and we can laugh even more abt the memeability of svt

ofc there are more people and im sorry if ive forgotten anyone ive also gotten close to this year but these r my top picks n bffs also excuse me for being sappy n my bad grammar and spelling

i hope everyone has the best 2017 and also for trump to be impeached

[fiymywings]

short prism rush “how to fucking navigate the first stage” guide

because theres none and im irritated as fucc

[no screenshots for dl/first two parts bc im doing this on a whim]

i wont update unless someone is willing to provide screenshots of the UI i can translate, as currently i dont plan to keep this game

i change my mind ill die for kakeru i hate myself

1. after downloading the app through qooapp or a jpn itunes account (look up how to make one, if you cant find ANYTHING ill make a seperate guide), itll take you to the start screen n youll need to wait for it to download. if it doesnt make it past 100%, you’re most likely out of space for it, so clear some up or give up from here

2. i think this is a data transfer screen next?? if you dont have any data, press the bottom right button “**する” and itll take you to the next thing

3.

see this? its 11 pm and im fucking mad no one set up a fucking tutorial because i cant read most japanese without a dictionary. this is a region selection (hokkaido, osaka, that type of regions. yeah.) i think you can pick anything if you live out of the states unless theres region specific stuff, so go ahead. you can google japan regions for their names if you wanna pick a specific one

4. next itll take you to the generic rhythm game timing thing. left button is no to skip it, right button is yes to do it (recommended if you want good accuracy, but you can do this later if you really need it) 

5. next pick ur fave, right is as per usually the “yes” option so once u do tht boom

after this, should be the rhythm game section. for regular/not colored rings, tap. for things with arrows, slide/flick to the direction its pointing. and for rainbows, hold until you get to the last ring. the timing, rather than tapping a note when it hits a circle, you tap when the circle either when it reaches the edge of the screen, or when the player model passes over it (im unsure, so if anyones willing to lmk the right answer hmu and ill add it) . it also talks about after the rings, theres some misc stuff. some cards have a skill that can only be unlocked if you pass that. you will either have to draw something, or spell out a word (the crowd will cheer it, so if you cant understand japanese in the slightest, this will be really hard to do, but i can attempt to help if i find out all the words. also, if you CAN read hiragana but have bad listening skills, it’ll still be hard.

when done with that, you’ll get a R card of the boy you picked

after this, it should be sort of “figure it out as you go,” but i can try to help with basics if needed.

i dont intend to translate dialogue from this game unless it gets my interest (im fixating on kak.upuri right now) so please dont come to me for translations, either. 

i will gladly translate anything that has kakeru in it

here’s a good vid on some other stuff once you’ve finished the tutorial

[survivordivergent]

EPISODE 4 - “I WANT TO REACH MY GOATENTIAL” - GEO

Welcome to Survivor Divergent, where's it's 14 inactive people and 6 people actually playing

I'm pretty damn busy today grading final assignments, and I'm pretty sure my frustration yesterday was enough to paint a target on me going forward, but I don't much care. This tribe's work ethic is for shit. I don't belong here. I can't just sit back and not do things. Ed can't, either, because it's such a deep-seated belief of mine that it permeates through him too. Not submitting things is just not my speed.

What pisses me off more than anything is that so far, I've been the only one to put in any concrete work. Percy got the theme based on a writing prompt. Payton's been offering suggestions. Dani's offered to do both the poster and the write-up. Meanwhile, I did the poster (deliberately at a level below what I know I can do, because I've been saying all along that I'm not good with Photoshop.) I did the write-up. Last time I felt so alone in one of these creative challenges, my tribe lost and I was the one sent packing at the next tribal council.

It's bullshit. I hate it I hate it I hate it. And while I love the people on this tribe based on our limited interactions, Peter can fuck off back to the inactivity pool from whence he came. Lucy can find a clue while she's busy finding a last name. And Geo... man, Geo is the biggest disappointment of all, only because we've SEEN what he can do. And it's like he's choosing not to do it. I get that we all have lives and that we're all super busy. I'm running myself so ragged that I'm going to hibernate clear through the holidays.

But that's the key difference: you make time if it matters to you. And if this game doesn't matter to anyone else, why should it matter to me? More importantly, if I get to jury, where's my motivation to vote for any of these people who couldn't — or wouldn't — step up when they're needed?

This is frustrating. I miss Megara Tribe. I miss Bondoso Tribe. I even miss Drohend Tribe. I like tribes that work hard, like each other and trust each other as a result. And this tribe fits maybe one of those three criteria. It sucks.

Six: The amount of posts in our tribe chat per day. God damn.

I'm pretty sure the hosts hate six. Like.

On 12/18/16, at 12:09 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > also, y’all are rigging this against the 90% inactive tribe

On 12/18/16, at 12:10 AM, Payton Rodriguez wrote: > its not mine and ed’s fault that the rest of them are flops like if we went offline for three days the world would fall apart and you know it

no, i dont think they're actively rigging. i think my tribemates are sabatoging and we're not gonna have fucking numbers going into merge. sluts.

Okay so it's been a while, let's see if I can catch up. Last time I made a confessional I was stuck on trying to find the Erudite idol. I was so frustrated, and then we lost reward. I didn't want there to be a chance that someone from Six would find the idol, since the clues stack, so I panicked and asked Melissa for help. She figured it out in 2 seconds bc stupid me doesn't know the alphabet or how to count. Ugh. So we work through the next few pages, and then we get stuck again. But after looking at it for a few minutes, I realized I needed to use the keypad on a telephone to get the next word, and I figured it out. To show some good faith, I tell Melissa right away, but the next page.... whew. I looked at that page for a good half hour and couldn't figure it out. Then I'm reading what's on the page and it looks like song lyrics? So I decided to google them. I copy and paste it into google, and i noticed in the search bar are words I did not see before. So I go back to the page and highlight everything. Sneaky Jenna hid the link to the next blog in white lettering on the page. Very clever. So I go to the next blog, and I need another password. Crap. Well, I'm hoping that whoever is looking for this idol on the Six tribe gets stuck at the password too, so they wont be ahead of me. I decide to not tell Melissa that I figured it out. I want to see if she comes to me with that information. And she does, the next day. So I know I can actually trust Melissa. Like, I know I'm in an alliance with her, but I wanted to like, test her trust? I guess? So there's where we are on the idol journey...

I've been talking to Jill bc, you know, former Candor, and she brings up starting an alliance with Kyle. Me, already being in an alliance with Kyle, am completely down for this. Jill's plan is to have a former Candor/Amity alliance with me, Kyle, and Will, and bring in Melissa as a 5th so we have majority. Kyle and I, already being in an alliance with Melissa, are completely down for this. We decide to tell Melissa about this alliance, because we want Ugly Fruti to be our core, our majority within the majority, if that makes sense. Melissa seems fine with it.

So then we wind up winning the Battleship Immunity, and I am really enjoying not going to Tribal. If we can keep it this way until merge, that would be fantastic. Things have been really quiet around the tribe lately. I haven't been on much because of things irl, but I'm going to try and be around more. I dont want to be first boot from this tribe for inactivity, even though there are people who are way less active than me. I'm just hoping our movie poster is enough to win reward so we can continue on that Erudite clue...

Every single day, I feel myself slowly becoming someone that I am not. And honestly, I kind of like that.

I think Payton is pretty set on getting to know who I am but I'll keep bouncing that carrot in front of her face because the longer I keep her focused on my identity over the game that I want to play, the better it is for me in the long run. Payton is a threat because shes so talkative (albeit annoying as hell) and has Percy in her back pocket. She even came to me and said,

[10:14 PM] Payton Rodriguez: So I think I kinda decided Percy would be safe if we went to tribal again, at least from my vote? He really did help with making that poster look good

Of course that's a valid excuse but you should be willing to vote off anyone at any given moment in time. I don't care who we're going after, but I kind of think that Peter does need to go next. He's just going to do whatever people tell him to do later and he contributes almost nothing to my game, except acting like a little pawn for the time being.

I still have my Abnegation idol, so I'm going to hold onto it as long as possible. I think this is an idol I need to use on myself only because if I try to use it to make a huge move, like playing it on the target to get rid of a threat, then it could backfire and if my own target ends up getting saved, I could go out on a revote. If I just had the regular old thing, then I'd be more willing to be #dauntless and whip it out to save someone else and *ciera voice* make big movez.

Also I'm being really patient with myself and trying to make a lot of spelling/grammar errors and ignoring most forms of punctuation. I want to, in addition, have perfect grammar, spelling, punctuation on my regular account so that people are somewhat confused about my identity. I'm still going with my "pretty, spoiled girl" image that I'm adopting so that everyone thinks that I'm two completely different people. Maybe its working, maybe its not. But I need to start cutting the bullshit and start being as realistic as possible. No more talking about the unrealistic life I don't have, but being real. I have to adopt true parts of my own personality so I'm not looking like a bullshit artist. I have that tumblr blog, so maybe i should share it with the people so they choose to follow me and understand that maybe this is something i'm committing to. we'll have to see how that works out for me, of course.

ok i know im not supposed to but i cant help but get uncharted flashbacks rn im sure its not but lake is giving me ari vibes

Gosh it's been a long time since I've made one of these.

Nothing has really happened. We've been winning immunity and I haven't really helped at all.

I've been trying to staybtalkative with the most active members of the tribe and I feel like there's at least 2 or 3 people that could be voted out before me.

I feel so bad cause I havent done one of these in a long time. Im usually good with confessionals <.< sorry hosts.

I feel like im wadting time with the amity idol but oh well ill keep chugging along

Dani scares me. Theyre really smart, they know who i am, and i feel like theyre not playing with abnegation (obviously they werent from thay tribe) and theyre gping to use it against me. I want to get her oyt, but i think shes better connected to people, therefore attempting to do so will get me oyt instead, and i want to play with loyalty, i dont want to ve a flipper again and again. Dani is in an alliance with me so that wont be good as the others may be wary of me.

Im concerned as well as people arent actually talking that much to me. They dont message me, only dani and payton. I love payton or logan if it is them and i believe theyre going to be a bigger target ahwad of me in the future.

I want to play a very goat game. Previously my competitors and friends viewed me as someone who cant win and is very well aligned and a flipper. I havemt made ftc, and thats my goal. I dont care about anything else. If im loyal and very nonthreatening, people will want to take me as they view me as a goat and i could potentially use that strategy to win? I want to reach my goatential, and see whether i can lose at the end or not. Hopefully i dont.

Im typing this on my phone and i didnt put the heading, sorry for all my messiness. #Goatential #Geoat #loyalty #noflippers #mystrategy

I want to conspire to vote Dani out. I think that might be too risky right now but I don't trust her.

I'm glad we won tribal! But I really, REALLY want to send Dani home. Like, yesterday.

I'm tired of people outside the game talking to me about this game. Stop.

Um, it's been a confusing past few days. The biggest things to come out of them:

1. Six won immunity! Woo hoo! Payton was trying to argue that they were throwing it, but I refuse to believe that. We cam together as a tribe and we showed how much more effective we are when we work together, and that's that. So I guess another way of saying it would be, I don't care what they did. I care about what we did. And we crushed it. And frankly, as great as Payton has been for moral support and activity, her frequent willingness to couch thoughts with 'if's and 'but's really rubs me the wrong way. That's not the way winners think.

1a. That said, Payton is still my #1 for now. She's got a tremendous grip on the tribe socially and is realistically one of the shot-callers around here. The longer I can stay under the radar and vote with her, the more likely I can make merge. And then we're golden.

2. Danielle approached me with 'evidence' that Payton took the advantage, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. I had my suspicions. But I wonder if Dani is trying to throw Payton under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3. Payton approached me with 'evidence' that Danielle or Geo are fabricating receipts, but it was very... sketchy. Which is not to say I don't believe it. It seems like something both would do, based on what little I know of them. But I wonder if Payton is trying to throw Dani under the bus for something. There seems to be some bad blood there for reasons I can't fathom.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

4. This Erudite idol is maddening. 'Center from the start?' What the hell is that??? I've tried everything – the letter a, the titles on each of the blogs, the word 'hosts' which is the 'center' block on the 'start' page, every past clue in every single blog... I know the clue points to a page on one of the blogs I've already visited, as opposed to the latest one. But I'm so stuck and it's so frustrating and I can only hope others are as hopelessly irritated as I am. I need that next clue, and hopefully this time it'll be something new rather than something I'd already been trying. Talk about bad luck.

5. Peter has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

6. Lucy has been very quiet, but at least she showed up for the comp.

7. Geo has been very quiet, but at least he showed up for the comp.

3a. Déjà-vu is the sensation of seeing something you feel like you've seen before.

I will make a longer confessional if I survive tribal, which honestly, I think I will. Me, Kyle, and Melissa are in alliances with pretty much everyone on the tribe, so I think we are fine. The vote should be for Amanda, which is a relief for more than one reason. One, she's getting on everyone's nerves, and two, its so weird for people to be talking about Amanda and to remember its not me. There's only room for one Amanda in this game, hun! Ahhh anyway, after this tribal, we are supposed to be on a holiday break for a while, but I have a feeling before that happens, we are gonna be split into 3 tribes of 5. I'm really hoping not, but if so, I have Kyle and/or Melissa with me, or that I end up on a tribe with a Four Tribe majority. Ahh okay, I'm out til later

[f3v3rw0lf]

1/4/2017

after t-dump got elected, the day after, there were protests in downtown Portland. I watched the bus tracker app until I saw the notification that buses would be delayed by protests; I did a lot of googling. I wore my shitty blue denim vest and a shirt id made earlier that day (NO TRUMP NO FASCISTS). in the interest of full honesty, it was the second one I made, because I spelled "fascists" wrong the first time.

I remember it being awkward at first; I didn't know what to do with myself, where to stand, or what to do with my hands. I saw a boy with bright green hair (id talk to him later, and even later than that id realize we already had a friend in common). but when the marching started, I found a place.

I got adopted by another trans boy, and his partner. when he screamed something, i'd echo, and vice versa. we walked with each other for a good two hours before we actually addressed each other; we just bounced off each others energy, off each others voices. he looked at me, in the face, and smiled. my raw throat matched his raw throat. he didn't let me get separated from them; I orbited like a stray dog.

there were other marches; I have looked riot police in the face, I have screamed at them (fat lot of good it did) and I saw people tear gassed around me. I worried then, like I'm worrying now, that nothing is good enough. we're not doing enough concrete things; the marches have stopped. there will be more (the biggest planned for the 20th of this month. I'm going, as are my housemates, who have been protesting since before I was born) but will they help people? what can I, a 19 year old idiot, actually concretely do? I have plans to try stencils, street art, civil disobedience. probably I should spend less time worrying and more time doing.

at the marches, I heard from a lot of people, a lot of my neighbors, and god is this what people mean by community? there was so much talking, so much of it good, but it was obvious when people ran out of patience. we did good though, I think, there were so many incidents I can recall-- all the impassioned speeches, the circle of kids in the middle of an intersection. we walked on the freeway, both sides, and the police didn't stop us because they hadn't expected anywhere near that number of people. I was probably on the news (I'm ashamed of that-- the screaming in front of cameras, just like every other idiot white boy) (craving recognition, craving an image to show kids one day when I'm old and wilting-- "look at who I was, what I did, what I believe" and I hope to hell it matters then. I hope I have more to show than that)

I had to stop going to most of them-- I didn't manage the student rally where our three leaders got arrested for nothing. I had two jobs (technically still do, but ones almost over and the other is occasional now) and I wonder if it was worth it, if I made the right choice. life goes on, but should it?

I forget daily about whats happened. I try not to think about it because there are no marches, because I have no outlet for the god-awful dread and hopelessness. I sold a short story, I made friends, I made a fuckton of money, but does it mean anything? I could've been doing more, I could've been learning, I could've been shielding people.

I'm trying not to think about the fact that some of us will not survive the year. some of us wont survive the next four years. will my relationship with my family survive? (I love my father enough to name myself after him, enough for that particular brand of hero worship they write about in books, the kind that blinds and crushes. but can I love him still when he is so fucking stupid, so much a white straight cis man who won't look at his own damn privilege? am I the one who's wrong? I fucking hate the way he talks, the way he can say things that make sense and then total utter bullshit the exact same way and what if I'm the one that's wrong? how can I know? I can listen to those around me but damn fucking shitballs, am I smart enough to recognize the truth? am I brave enough to trust them, to act?)

but anyway, the whole death thing. will it kill me? my loved ones? I mean calico, my soulmate from Kentucky, who's ace and genderqueer and sick and in the closet; I mean Xavier, my boy in Wisconsin, who hurts so deeply and feels so much, my little brother joel in Connecticut, who is so fucking young and so good at lying and hiding himself, vicki in Louisiana who is so goddamn smart, so smart and far away from me, all of them. (and me but that is another post, another topic for another night) I'm scared and tired. I know I have to stay strong, but I'm afraid I'm going to fail. if I say it here maybe I wont.

loving with all my aching being isn't going to be enough, here. I just hope when it comes time to do more, when it stops being enough, will I know what to do? if I just know what I must do, I can do it. if I can figure this out I can do it, I can keep us all safe (or try, or die trying)

with everything that happened-- so much has felt unreal, and I cant tell if that's just life or part of my brain. I wasn't scared, because I'm young and stupid and flighty and I have not died yet, I have not been seriously hurt, so my brain doesn't register that it can happen. I know, in my head, it can and maybe it will, but I don't feel it. I don't really feel anything (sometimes-- connected-- mostly scared, always tired) and I'm afraid that will fuck me over. I'm going to make mistakes. I already have. but maybe I can do more than that, too. I'm talking myself up here, or trying to, putting my feelings on record, making promises and brainstorming to an empty room.

at least, going in all the way, the worst I can do is fail. if I exhaust myself every day, if I do my all, if I constantly reach into that tiny well in my chest and drag out words, true words, promises and willpower, the worst I can do is fail. at least ill have given it my all. at least ill know I didn't back down, didn't give up before the war.