#i hope you've been doing well !! ilu !!!

[eitaababe]

Hiiii can i make a request for a possessive neteyam 🥹 i need one where he x reader argue, and he says something hurtful because he’s jealous and reader goes to leave the hut to cool off because she’s hurt but he makes it up to her ;) WINK WINK maybe a little touch of a begging neteyam as well hehe

Dirty filthy nasty talk as well sorry I’m done now LMAO

SOMEONE ELSE !

a/n — hi love! sorry i don't really feel comfortable writing smut with neteyam (or anyone lmao) just yet 😭 so i just made it a lil suggestive at the end i hope that's ok!! / also since the end is suggestive and implied to lead to something neteyam's aged up cause he's a minor and that would be awk🧍‍♂️

—

To say you and Neteyam were inseparable was practically an understatement. Ever since you'd met as kids, you always stuck together. You were there for each other when you got your ikrans, even, and you'd always go on rides together. A dynamic duo, people liked to call you.

So of course, when his family left the clan for the safety of everyone, you couldn't just let your mate leave you. So with some convincing and promising that the Sully's would take you in as their own, your parents reluctantly agreed, deciding you could choose your own future.

Though you missed the forrest, being by the ocean was something you'd never experienced before, and it was one of the most beautiful sights you've ever seen. There were so many creatures and the people were different in many ways, you were excited to learn about everything.

However, you grew less and less thrilled when you realized the time you spent with Neteyam would diminish to very little. He was always out and about, getting to ride his ilu and protecting his siblings from those in the village who looked down upon them. He was always so stressed, so tired, that when you did hang out, you always felt like a burden, or an argument would start.

So you started to keep your distance, and as a result, met new people and made new friends. You started to enjoy the presence of a boy named Rotxo, who was allegedly one of Ao'nung's friends. You were skeptic at first, not hearing so good things about his friend, but the more you got to know him, he became a trustworthy friend. He heard all about your struggles with Neteyam, always a good listener and giving good advice.

Although, Neteyam didn't see you and Rotxo's relarionship as anything friendly. In fact, whenever he spotted you two, he could be sulking for the rest of the day. Granted, it was his fault you two haven't been talking as much, and he could probably just have talked to you about it. But he didn't know how, and as a result, you'd found another person to fill his company.

Was he really that easy to replace?

Finally having enough, Neteyam wordlessly grabbed your arm, dragging you away mid-conversation with Rotxo. He ignored your protests and took to a secluded area, stopping only to be met with a harsh glare.

"What the hell, Neteyam?" You shouted, crossing your arms. Yikes. He didn't think that one through. "What's your problem? I was talking to him!"

"Well maybe I don't want you talking to him!"

"Why?" You inquired, annoyed at his antics. "You don't get to decide who I can and can't talk to. I'm my own person. Plus he's my friend. And he's been better company than you, as of late."

His heart dropped at the blow, knowing you were right. "It just makes me uncomfortable, okay? I don't like him being close to you."

"Oh, you don't like someone else enjoying my company? Sorry Neteyam, but I'm not going to wait around alone and close myself off from everyone else just because you refuse to talk to me! I happen to enjoy talking to Rotxo, and there's nothing you can do that will stop me."

"Fine then," he snapped, jealousy overcoming him. "Go! Go be with Rotxo. See if I care," he paused, sinking his fingers into the palms of his fists and unable to stop himself from digging an even bigger whole. "I have others who want my company. There's many metkayina women who would enjoy my presence."

Offended that he would say such a thing, you scoffed, not recognizing the man standing in front of you. "Fine then! Go be with another woman!"

"I will!" He responded without thinking, immediately regretting it when he saw the look on your face.

"I never want to see you again." You seethed, eyes glossy as you walked hastily away from him, leaving a regretful Neteyam.

The days that passed by all felt like a blur, your heart throbbing. Did he really mean that? Was he tired of you? Were you making a mistake when you decided to follow him and his family? Rotxo listened to all your worries, comforting you and helping you avoid Neteyam at all costs.

He kept looking for you, wanting a chance to apologize. He wishes he had just kept his mouth shut, or went after you once you walked away. The scene replayed in his head constantly, thinking of what he could've done different to make you not hate him.

So he waited until after eclipse, and when everyone else went to bed, he went out to the beach, knowing you would be there. You always enjoyed the solitude of nighttime, when nobody else was awake and you could watch the waves peacefully on your own.

Neteyam slowly made his way up to you, awkwardly clearing his throat to grab your attention. When you actually turned around and focused on him he was shocked, wide eyed and speechless. "Um, hi."

"Hi." you curtly responded, ready to leave when he grabbed your hand.

"Please, y/n. I want to apologize." He pleaded.

You gave him a look, as if saying to get on with it. He hesitated, not completely sure what to say. "I'm...i'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Any of it. I was jealous that you were spending more time with Rotxo."

You stayed silent still, making him nervous. "And I don't want another woman," he added, looking you dead in the eye. "I wouldn't dream of it. You are the one I want to be with for the rest of my life. You are kind, sweet, loyal, and have been nothing but the best for me. I took that for granted, so when I saw you enjoying the company of another, it pissed me off. I cannot stand the thought of you being with someone who isn't me." he stopped, and you noticed his eyes starting to glimmer in the moonlight.

"I'm sorry. Truly. And if you don't forgive me I understand." Neteyam finally finished, his chest rising up and down shakily.

"Oh, ma Neteyam," you cooed, taking his face in your hands. You wiped away the tears that fell down his face with your thumbs, kissing where they fell. "I could never want anyone other than you. I just need you to talk to me next time, okay? No more keeping your problems from me. I'm here to help you with your burdens, not hide them."

The boy nodded wordlessly, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. "I promise, my love. I will never make you feel like I want someone else again."

He then trailed kisses down your jaw, lips softly moving over the skin of your neck. His teeth grazed over it, biting lightly. He chuckled from the soft sound that left your throat, kisses drifting down below your neck. He pressed you against a tree, knee separating your legs.

"Neteyam, not here." You breathed out, not making any attempt to stop him. But, you really didn't want to get caught by anyone in a public area like this.

"Shh, my love," he soothed, hands wafting towards your loincloth. "I'm gonna make it up to you, okay?"

Oh, you were in for a long night.

—

a/n — i literally had no idea how to write the ending i'm sorry if it's bad 🧍‍♂️

[idcbabyialreadylostmymind]

Rude (Kiri Version)

Pairing- Kiri x reader

Summary- You try to win over your beloveds father who would rather her date someone else.

Warnings- kissing, fluff that it basically

You jump out of bed with a huge smile on your face. Today was the day you were going to ask your beloved, Kiri Sully's father, for permission to be her mate. Some would say it was too traditional but it was the way. You grabbed a necklace that had all kinds of weird colorful rocks that you just knew Kiri would love. You waved your mother and father goodbye as you skipped over to the Sully's so happy.

It was a quiet peaceful morning and it seemed Jake and Kiri were the only ones awake as they sat outside talking. You cough a little and they stand up. Kiri smiled sheepishly at you as you bowed your head. Jake looked at the scene in front of him and squinted his eyes at you. "Here for you." You say handing Kiri the necklace. She touched the rocks as she unclasped the back and put it in and her cheeks deepened in color. "Thank you." She said and you only smiled harder. The cute scene was cut short as Jake spoke.

"Is there any particular reason you've come today?" Your back straightens and you turn to him and give him a hopeful smile. "Yes Mr. JakeSully I would like to know if I have your blessing to be Kiri's mate." You say and Kiri had a look of astonishment on her face. She's been talking about you to her family non-stop.

Jake had a stoic look on his face before he spoke. "No you do not have my blessing and you will never have it."

"Dad!" Kiri spoke trying to go to you but he just pushed her inside covering the curtain that acted like a door.

Your face fell, no. You walk and it seemed your friends Ao'nung, Tsireya, and Rotxo had watched the whole thing unfold. "Oh my Eywa well not everything goes as planned but you've got hundreds of Metkayina girls and guys-"

"I'm not going to give up, Kiri is my love, my light, she completes me and I'll do everything in my power to win over JakeSully." You proclaim to your friends. Tsireya giggled as she clapped her hands together and Ao'nung and Rotxo only shook their heads. "How when he literally said he would never give you his blessing-" Rotxo was cut off by you. "Shut it. I already have a plan.

It was true you had cultivated a plan. First you would show him your strength and ability to take care of his daughter, then if that doesn't work you don't really have a back up plan but it's okay.

"Wait so you don't have a back up plan?" Ao'nung butts into your internal monologue. You roll your eyes as you put your spear down into the water slightly . "Yes– well no but I'm sure when I catch the Dinicthoid I'm sure that he will see I am strong enough to kill this vicious beast. I can protect his daughter, and then I will have his blessing, I hope." You say whispering this last part. "And what am I here to do?" He asked. "To make sure I do not die." You smile before something comes out of the water you yell before clutching your spear. It circled around you and you circled around it. You made your move through the spear into its side; it pierced the side of the creature and blood flooded the water. You stepped closer to the beast as I bled out, it flipped in the water, removing the spear it stopped moving only twitching at times. You whispered a prayer to Eywa before killing the beast off clean.

"See, I told you could do it." You laugh as Ao'nung chuckles, helping you put the dinicthoid onto your ilu.

You caught dinner and there would be a celebration. Two of the youngest warriors caught one of the most dangerous and prized prey. And there you would hope to get Jake's blessing.

The cooks prepared the dinicthoid perfectly and it spread around that you caught it and Kiri smiled before leaning against her father. "See, they are very brave and strong." She whispered to her father as he drank from his cup. "More like stupid they could have died and for what." He scoffed before taking a bite of his dinner.

And there you sat ignoring your food and admired Kiri, it was like she got more beautiful everyday. Her dark blue skin illuminating in the nightlight of Pandora, and her capturing smile that lit up the whole room, was so perfect.

Kiri waved toward you and you did the same before giggling. Jake stood up walking towards you and your smile fell as did her's. "H-hi Mr. Sully." You say and he just glares. "I need to talk to you." He said before walking away and to the beach. You scrambled yourself up and ran after him looking at Kiri who had bug eyes and a terrified look on her face.

Jake stood there in front of the waves as did you. It was silent and your eyes fell.

"I do love her." You say.

He looks at you confused. "What?" He asked and you looked at him with a gentle smile on your face and tears in your eyes.

"I love her. More than anything in the world. I would shout it from the top of the world if I could. If she wanted me to leave and never come back I would, if she wanted me to never talk again I would, I am utterly and completely in love with your daughter. She is my heart, she is what makes me feel alive, she fires my soul. And it may be stupid to be this in love but call me stupid I love her so much it hurts." You confess to the man who denied his blessing.

His expression was of disbelief, shocked most of all. "Really?" You hear a voice that makes your face light up, Kiri.

You both turn to her and your cheeks darken had she heard all of it? You shake your head shyly and she runs up to you as you did, wrapping you into a tight hug. "I see you." She whispers into your ear and your ears perked up and your eyes widened love-blown pupils. "And I see you." You whisper back.

Jake stood there in utter disbelief, his baby girl was finally a grown up and found love. He choked back the tears that threatened to fall as he walked back to the party.

As he walked back you brought Kiri closer, tucking a stray hair behind her ear before giving her a small kiss. Pulling away as soon as she tries to deepen the kiss, you giggle at her eagerness as she laughs as well.

From afar Jake and Neytiri met at the edge of the party watching you hug each other. "She's all grown up." Jake said to Neytiri who only smiled. "It is a good thing Ma' Jake" She whispered as she pulled him back into the party. Leaving you two dumb and in love.

[lola-bunn1]

The moon and the sun.

Chapter Four: I knew you could do it.

a/n: this chapter is a little short sorry my loves

"You, go take care of the Ilu. And you, go help your mother with the knitting."

"...what about me, father?"

"Everything needs to be perfect, you've done enough."

☽-☼

Neteyam sat with his family as he ate breakfast. They all seemed to be normal, talking and being casual while Neteyam was silent. His thoughts set on you.

You seemed like a very nice person, quite smart, quite skilled.

So why did you always talk down to yourself? You were just as good as everyone, if not better.

"Yo bro" Lo'ak said, snapping Neteyam out of his thoughts, "Why are you learning with that girl instead of Tsireya and Ao'nung?" He asked

"The girl has a name, Lo'ak. Her name's Y/n and she happens to be their sister."

"Wait wait, Ao'nung has two sisters?" Kiri asked, "That's weird, he doesn't really mention her"

"Yeah, kind of got that." Neteyam said to himself, staring at the ground with a bothered look on his face, "I'm gonna go get to lessons early" He abrupty said as he got up and left

He walked to your marui pod, looking for you, he couldn't find you there. But instead, he found your parents sitting there, talking. Before he could speak, he couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

"Y/n's teaching the Sully children as well?" Tonowari asked

"Yes, she seems to be doing a good job. That oldest boy now knows how to ride an Ilu." Ronal said, nodding

"Well then, let's hope she doesn't do something to embarrass us all"

Neteyam froze as he heard them talking about you, they were your parents. How can they speak of you like that? Neteyam walked away, shaking his head and sighing.

This wasn't his place, he shouldn't say anything.

"There you are!" You said as you walked towards him, his eyes softened as he saw you, "I went to your marui, your brother said you were coming to my marui" You said, a light chuckle coming out of at the thought of how you two went the opposite way to get the other person

"You're a natural at riding the Ilu, so we should focus on the breathing exercises today. I'm sure you're gonna be just as good as you are on the Ilu" You said as you both walked to a spot to sit

He glanced at you, and looked down. You were so sweet, the way you encouraged him, the way you'd smile at him.

That damned smile.

How could anyone think less of you?

"You okay? You've been quiet for a while" You asked, genuine concern in your eyes

"Uh yeah, yeah. Just hope I can get it right this time"

"You will, I'm sure! You're great, sooner or later you'll be able to stay underwater for longer than I can" You assured him

He lightly laughed, "Sure" He snorted

☽-☼ You two sat there, your hand placed on his lower stomach, softly speaking

"Close your eyes, listen to the sounds of water." You whispered, "Feel the wind around you, breathe in" You said, breathing in with him, "Breathe out"

He breathed out, opening his eyes to look at you

"I think it's time" You said, he nodded and got up, you stood up as well, looking around and finding a seashell, "Wait for a few seconds to make sure it goes deep down" You said

"Okay" He nodded again, you threw the seashell into the water, waiting for a few seconds till he jumped into the water, you got in the water and dipped your head in to see him

You watched as he swam deep down, you fidgeted with your hands, ready to help him if he's out of breath. He was gone for a few seconds, and your eyes widened, just as you were about to go check on him, you saw him swimming back up, the seashell in hand

Once he got to the surface, he smiled widely at you

"I did it! I wasn't even out of breath!" He exclaimed

"I knew you could do it!" You cheered, hugging him

"Me? It was all you! You taught me, didn't you?" He chuckled as you two let go of each other, you just smiled and looked down, He lifted your chin up with his finger, "Thank you for teaching me" He softly said

[the-inkwell-variable]

friday kiss tag ˚.⋆

thank you, @the-golden-comet, for the tag! i'm trying something a little different today. today, i'm writing a scene from scratch instead of grabbing something from a wip. i desperately need the warm-up, and i think @leahpardo-pa-potato might actually riot if i keep avoiding the kisses (i'm teasing of course, ilu <3) consider the following part of the corpse and the killer - and hopefully enjoy! (SIDE NOTE: kia calls jason 'jas'. it's pronounced 'jase'. the e makes it look weird so i leave it off, but that makes it look like 'jass' and i hate that. idk man read it how you want i'm not a cop) TAGGING @drchenquill - @wyked-ao3 - @willtheweaver - open tag!

"I will fix it."

"Are you kidding me?" Kia stared into the soulless glowing slits that served as eyes. As long as he wore that mask, it was easy to forget who was underneath - easy to blame, to hate, to rage against. "Did you already forget how badly you've fucked Gotham City? In one night - one fucking night - you've blown up Ace Chemicals-"

"That was Batman."

"-set every major villain loose in the streets-"

"Not every major villain - and that was Scarecrow anyway."

"-and turned everyone in the streets into freakin' zombies." She ran her hands through her pink hair, over and over, until her space buns fell apart into waves that framed her face. "I don't care if you're Superman. You're not winning this one. No one is, not without nuking the city off the face of the earth and all of us with it."

"Hey." His large hands, surprisingly soft in their gloves, completely covered her shoulders. "It's going to be fine. My men are on their way to evacuate us. In helicopters. You've always wanted to ride a helicopter."

Kia laughed, a dizzied titter. "Right, right. It'll be great. We'll just hop on a helicopter and fly away from this mess, shall we? Pretend it never happened? As if the government won't shoot us out of the sky to prevent the infection from spreading. As if the zombies won't leave the city as soon as they realize there are no more people to hunt. As if you and Scarecrow haven't started the end of the fucking world." She laughed again and shook her head. "You've always been starting shit, Jas, and you've always gotten us out of it. But I dunno how you're gonna get us out of this one."

"I will get us out of this, Kia-bear." He pressed a button on the side of his helmet, and his mask slid up to reveal his face. The corners of his hazel brown eyes were pinched and tight. The scar, a jagged J, stretched across his cheekbone. She recognized his smile immediately - it was the smile he had always given her as a kid when he felt trapped in a corner. When he stepped forward to take Black Mask's beatings on her behalf. When he accepted a job that he knew he wasn't prepared for because they so desperately needed the cash. Jason felt as trapped as she did, but he was denying it to give her hope.

That should have comforted her.

"Stop fucking lying, Jason." She jerked away from him. Her arms immediately missed his warmth. "I don't know what skills you picked up when you were adopted by that rich bitch, but there's no way you're getting us out of this one. You fucked up, big time, and every single person left in Gotham is either already dead or going to die because of it. You call yourself the Arkham Knight - Gotham's savior - but you've fucked us all, just because you wanted to put a bullet in Batman's head."

She was shouting now. Militia members were glancing over. A few had their hands on their service weapons. She didn't care. She closed the distance between them again and jabbed a finger in his chest, as if their half-a-foot size difference didn't even exist. "We're fucked, Jason. Well and truly and completely and utterly fucked. No one is going to let us leave! We're better off staying on this rooftop and hoping the zombies starve to death before we do! Don't you get that?! Don't you-"

His lips crushed against hers, insistent and desperate. They moved against her greedily, sucking the fight right out of her. Her knees weakened and forced her to lean against him, cotton fluff hoodie against kevlar. His lips were softer than she'd expected - though she hadn't ever expected to kiss her childhood best friend. He tasted of peanut butter and cigarettes. She dug her fingers into his sleeves and forgot for a moment that they were going to die.

When he pulled away, she almost leaned in after him. Her heart pounded in her chest, desperate to follow him. Despite the cold rain that stung her face, her entire body felt like a fireplace - hot, sizzling, glowing. She stared up at him. He grinned down at her as if he hadn't just stolen the very breath from her lungs. "Trust me," he said, his voice a low growl that left her knees weak all over again. "I won't let anything happen to you. Not now, not ever."

[lamaenthel]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for tagging me @ahsokathegray !!<3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

25! 

2. What's your total A03 word count?

231k lmaoooo when did that happen I feel like I've been in a fugue state since February

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars (and technically, TECHNICALLY The Matrix but it's a Star Wars AU fusion lmao)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Porg Eyes, Princess For A Year, Ram'ser'ika, Better Than Nothing, The Contingency

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes every single one omfg I love everyone

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, Soft Dark Nothing is Ahsoka and Rex on the moon right after The Tribunal crashed so by default it's gotta be her (rip Jesse my beloved)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Not Bad ends up with Snips n Skyguy going to Biscuit Baron lmao

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yet but I live in fear every day especially since I'm dipping my toe in the Republic Commandos pond and I know the girlies are passionate

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and it's ridiculously graphic HAHAHA no but there's a reason I haven't posted any Rexsoka smut. Makin y'all wait for it until they COMMIT, gotta keep that tension in there somewhere uwu. But wlw, mlw, mlm, aliens and cyborgs gonna work their way in there eventually (?) I have Not Out Loud, which is an mlm fic with Boba tying up Cal and facefucking him (Kesett nation rise)

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Go Ask Ahsoka is the Matrix crossover that I wrote for AU August which I will eventually update lmfao

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No but I would cry

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not like… technically but Erika is my beta and my bestie and she comes up with amazing ideas and lets me play with her OCs so honestly she counts (ilu)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Rexsoka 💙🧡, closely followed by Anidala (burning down the galaxy for a single person is objectively WRONG but also hot)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Well Do Not Go Gentle is a huge fucking project that I HOPE I finish one day

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good at action. I enjoy it which helps lmao

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I get really ahead of myself laying out hints and red herrings which I then forget about (Princess For A Year especially is the worst about this, I am so sorry for all of those hints about Sylen being a pretend Mandalorian I fucked up so bad with that one but I'm going to rewrite it eventually to bring back a bunch of my dropped subplots)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I enjoy it and do so regularly. Mando'a nuhur'shya ni ru'kar'tayli. And it makes my brain work in unexpected ways, it's like a puzzle trying to figure out the wacky ass baby's-first-conlang grammar that is Karen's creation (what the fuck kind of language doesn't have a passive voice)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY OKAY TECHNICALLY, TECHNICALLY????? It was the Lion King. I was in first grade and we had to write a little storybook and illustrate the pages they gave us with crayons and my story was How Simba Lost His Mane lmfaoooo

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I have poured my whole heart, soul, brain, and pussy into Tivaevae pls read it it's longer than The Hobbit

no pressure tags: @soliloquy-of-nemo, @tangledlichen, @ink-in-books, @hannah-schooler

[prismatoxic]

Okay words are hard right now and this is not going to come out exactly as I want it to but uh I'm going to force my horrible little hands to type because fear is the mind killer or whatever.

I know you've had emotions over PTK and the discord server and I just wanted to say to not be so hard on yourself. Cause you made something cool and maybe it'll never be finished but that doesn't make it less cool. Like I'm sure you wouldn't pressure another writer cause a work wasn't finished or finished quickly enough and you deserve the same treatment.

And the discord server helped a lot of people make friends cause you fostered a healthy community if that makes sense.

And even if you didn't do any of that, I like seeing your reblogs and posts on my dash

So yeah, I know you're going through a hard time, but uh, be kind to yourself.

And if this is weird, you can delete it, but I just want you to know that you're appreciated even in that we've talked directly maybe three times way.

trip... ilu...

this really does mean a lot to me, thank you so much... i hope it's okay if i post it publicly bc i think i need to be able to read it again LMAO but it's so sweet...

i think i'll get back to it eventually. i hope. the fic and server got me several friends as well... i want to revive the community eventually, i miss a lot of you guys since i only speak to a few people i met there regularly, lmao... the story is still important to me, i just got majorly sidetracked and it's been hard to find the groove again. and seeing all these new fics and new authors take off while i feel forgotten is... bad for the ol' bpd brain.

but, really, genuinely, thank you... i appreciate this so much and it does make me want to keep trying!!

[theoxenfree]

And all those feelings will take time to settle, time and effort, and they'll never vanish, but you grow around them. Like you say, you're setting yourself free to start healing.

It's downright horrifying to have such a large part stripped away, no matter if it's done good or bad for you. Part of the beauty of the future is that it isn't set in stone, being afraid of who you'll be without could be what it takes to start working towards becoming who you want to be.

In the end, you have a say in that. And that's both scary and wonderful <3

I'm certain you already know all this, you strike me as very intelligent, but sometimes hearing it from someone else can be, in my experience at least, a much needed confirmation when your own thoughts are scrambled.

As much as I'm obviously shy - hence why I'm on anon - I've long wanted to try working up the courage to interact with you. Although an online friend can't substitute having someone you can meet in the flesh, having more people to chat with rarely hurts right? Respectfully giving you a thought hug, deep breaths, you're incredibly resilient to have gotten this far even if you shouldn't have had to be, this too will pass. I sincerely hope you can slowly start to build the life you want to live from here.

the chances of me having anything completely "normal" in this lifetime is pretty slim, even with therapy, because the damage has been done and twenty-five years of deep-rooted trauma and resentment likes to hold on pretty tight. but, I want to believe now that I still have a life worth living and that I deserve to find the comfort and peace in my life that I've never been able to have, or find, or believe I was capable of having.

I want to believe that I'm worth being loved and that I am capable of returning it to others in a way that doesn't become sour and destructive. I want to believe that intimacy doesn't have to be scary and that, someday, I'll find someone with the level of understanding and patience that I need.

but, you're right. the future isn't set in stone and it's up to me to decide what happens going forward. I feel like I've been going in the same circles all my life. over and over and over. digging a deeper hole in the ground without ever getting anywhere.

I am highly intelligent, extremely intuitive, robust, creative, passionate, and driven. I've pursued many things in the face of fear, and I'll have to do it again, just on a more... complex scale than any time previous. and I'd be a fucking liar if I said I know how to go about moving forward, or that I'm not scared.

but, I've known for a long time that I was probably never, truly going to be able to get where I wanted in my life unless I confronted those old beasts and wounds, and now that I have, well, the challenge becomes knowing that I can't hold myself back anymore from trying and doing.

I think I'll get there. it'll take time.

I don't know who I wanna be just yet, but I'll hang onto my spite and rage bc there's still a whole hell of lot to be pissed off about in the world right now

anyway, thank you for reaching out and talking to me despite feeling shy. your words give me courage to feel that I've done the right thing for myself, and, hopefully, for other people in his life. I accept your hug wholeheartedly 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 ilu, my dear

I know that some folks who follow me have been through similar things. and I'm so sorry. from the bottom of my heart, you have all my searing rage, my anguish, my love, and all the strength in my soul and bones

I know some of you can't speak, won't speak, or don't see the point in it, but just know you've always deserved better, you still do, and it's time to try to live the lives that we all deserve to have

[bitchlessdino]

Hello Nana ilu sm and I miss u even more I hope ur doing well beloved 🥹👋🏼💖 did you know I've been thinking a whole lot abt ur man???? He looked so good and insane, I'm obsessed with his hair color and him grabbing his tiddies during idubily????

Also I've been pondering a lot abt playing strip poker with Mr Lee chan...? I just think he'd casually suggest it like it's no big deal. Knowing how competitive he can really get makes you think it's a ploy to get you out of your clothes. But surprisingly there are a several hands of him losing, especially when he gets more and more flustered when you lose a couple rounds on purpose.

Although he's one who is definitely wearing less. It's almost a grand teasing game because he keeps eye contact every time he slowly removes a layer, getting ready to remove his shirt after last game ended with him removing his pants.

But he's getting really worked up, clearing shown by the growing bulge hidden in his boxers. And the room is getting hotter the more clothes are being shed. And goodness, it's getting harder and harder to not want to touch him. Especially seeing his bare chest risen and fall under your gaze, abs flexing, and yearning to see his cock irl.

For your sanity, you lose a few more times after that just to prevent him from stripping anymore. Not that it helps because the look in his eyes grows needier by the minute. And finally he asks, "You wanna makeout?"

You can't say yes fast enough but just when your lips are about to meet, he leans back with a smirk. "Winner gets to fuck the loser however they want."

Let's just say that's the fastest you've ever won a game of poker.

Also fbi agent elv can confirm loser lee chan's search history definitely has "how to play strip poker (with pictures) wiki" stored 🔍

Elv you’ve send some fucked up shit BUT THIS doesn’t just take the cake it’s taking the whole party. HOW DARE YOUUUUU?

THE STRIP TEASES HES DOING. WHY CAN I IMAGINE IT SO CLEARLY WTF. AND WDYM HE GOOGLED HOW TO PLAY AND STILL LOST???? THATS SO HIM AND KNOWING HIM IT STILL MAKES HIM FUCKING HOT IM SO HEHFHGHFG

So much jail time for you.

[roseofcards90]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSEEEE ILY ‼️‼️🥳🥳🥳🥳

THANK U SO MUCH DEAR MOOT OF MINE!!! :D ILU TOOOO I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN DOING WELL!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[aberfaeth]

top five fics (ever. for a fandom/pairing. by people you know. by strangers. whatever u want go crazy) ORRRR top five fob songs bc I know u and ilu and I wanna hear ur thoughts

hi sav. hope you know what you've unleashed here.

TOP FIVE FICS.....EVER

tell me about the big bang (star wars sequel trilogy, Finn/Poe, 37.8k.) i made my mom read this fic and that's not a bit i literally had her read this. and she isn't even a star wars fan. like she's seen tfa but she wasn't even that into it i just made her read this because it's one of humanity's greatest literary achievements and she still brings it up to me in conversation that's how much she enjoyed it. sorry this turned into more of tmatbb being one of my mom's top five fics but yknow. context. anyways i don't want to say too much about it because i don't want to spoil it for anyone who might check it out which Please Do That but suffice to say. it is a work of fucking art and i can only hope to someday write with half the talent nina varela possesses in her pinky finger

darling i'd wait for you, even if you didn't ask me to (the great pretender season 1, Laurent/Makoto, 11k.) swear to god this isn't me sucking up it is still the best gift i have ever received in my life. hey you reading this have you ever conceptualized a fic and went "boy i wish i could feed this into a machine and it would execute the idea perfectly in a way that managed to surprise and delight me as i read it" well you simply must get yourself a sav. because she will do that for you. anyways watch tgp season one literally just to read this fic.

Be Gay; Solve Crime (american vandal, Peter/Sam, 9.2k.) this fic has everything--outsider POV! perfectly in character banter! angie and michael who are real and canon to me! mr fernandez did you eat shit! gay lou carter! do your string thing man! MING, EVEN!!!!!! consider this a rotating spot for the work of my lovely lovely friends in the hanover high AV club, who have churned out some of the bangers of all fucking time which i talked about some of those in a top five ask four calendar years ago

Over & Through (dimension 20 fantasy high, gen, 62.7k.) also made my mom read this. she got the riz chapter first and said it gave her horrifying acid trip dreams. which is honestly so fair. if you are a dimension 20 fan and you haven't read this fic what are you doing. the form is inventive the prose is stunning the characterization is painfully sharp. if you've been watching neverafter going hey i wish this was actually horror READ THIS RIGHT NOW THE HORROR IS IMMACULATE

If You Could Let Me Inside Your Heart (leverage, ot3, 2.5k.) remains my favorite leverage fic of all time and also my favorite group character study. what a lovely premise and executed with such grace and perfect understanding of character and pacing like so much work is done for its length and GOD IS IT ALL GORGEOUS

okay haha onto the fall out boy--JUST KIDDING. I HOPE YOU HAD YOUR WEAPON READY TO TAKE ME OUT BECAUSE ONE TIME I SAID IF I EVER MADE A RECLIST WITHOUT I HATE TO LOOK INTO THOSE EYES AND SEE AN OUNCE OF PAIN YOU WOULD HAVE TO SHOOT ME BECAUSE I'D BE A POD PERSON. SO HERE'S ME DOING THAT, PLEASE READ IT, READ IT NOW. WHAT FANDOM OR PAIRING OR LENGTH? YOU GET TO FIND OUT WHEN YOU CLICK! THAT! LINK!

okay haha onto the fall out boy. so i earnestly did try to come up with my top five fob songs on my own. then i had a breakdown and filled out the whole damn fob song sorter yes all 500 battles. heres my top 25. note the repetition of numbers indicating my inability to make decisions

elaborations on the medal winners:

THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT: when this song came out i was thirteen years old (in middle school) (did not have my own itunes account) (did not have spotify) and as all songs do it was released at midnight (i was thirteen) (supposed to be asleep) (it was a school night) i hid under the covers with my ipod touch on the lowest brightness setting (supposed to be asleep on a school night) midnight arrived and i could not buy the song on itunes because then my parents would get an email about the purchase and know i had stayed up (i was supposed to be asleep) so i just listened to the 30 second preview on itunes for like an hour straight (i cried) (a lot)

THE (SHIPPED) GOLD STANDARD: me for real bc im literally no good at math

(COFFEE'S FOR CLOSERS): also in middle school i used to doodle song lyrics to keep myself focused during class and my history professor was taking a walk around the classroom and spotted my doodle of a little coffee cup with the lyrics "i will never believe in anything again" and went "aw why not," clearly concerned for my mental health and wellbeing. and despite that horribly traumatizing experience, coffee's for closers remains one of my favorite songs in the world. so thats proof that its really very good

OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN THE WORLD: you only hold me up like thiiiiis cause you don't know who i really aAAaaAAAaam

PAVLOVE: sorry its the quirky girl tendencies again. when will they put this on spotify so i can scream my little heart out to I WANT TO MAKE YOU AS LONELY AS MEEEE SO YOU CAN GET GET ADDICTED TO THIS YOU CAN GET GET ADDICTED TO THIS! anyways folie >

now, a disclaimer: this sorter is obviously older than two weeks and thus does not include the songs off SMFS. i feel like recency bias means i can't accurately fit them into the list but i will say that there is no universe in which hold me like a grudge doesn't make top fifteen

if you've reached the end of this post, thanks for going on this journey with me. i meant to be asleep an hour ago. but i did this instead. was it worth it. well whos to say. if you ended up reading IHTLITEASAOOP then yes it was.

[kazuhas]

HAIIII LOML BLUSHES TWIRLS HAIR.... MY CALENDAR SAYS ITS UR BDAY SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY THE LOML !!!!!!!!! U ARE SO LOVELY AND I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AND THAT YOU'VE BEEN DOING WELL. U DESERVE NOTHING BUT WARMTH AND KINDNESS AND ALL THE AMAZING THINGS IN LIFE AND I HOPE YOUR DAY GOES AMAZING <3

I AM AT THE VINEYARD 3 BOTTLES IN AND MAYBE ILL CRY PLS ILY U R SO SWEET AND KIND TO ME ILU VERY MUCH THANK YOU FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES 🥺💗🥳🎉

[gemfyre]

Thoughts on HotD S02E02

Tom Glynn-Carney fucking ATE IT UP this episode. Even if your character is deeply unlikable, he's thoroughly entertaining.

STOP TORTURING MY POOR HELAENA. Send her and her kids to Dragonstone, let her be supported by a woman who fucking UNDERSTANDS.

I'm kind of okay with there not being Maelor. I guess the showrunners were like "do we really need MORE gratuitous violence against small children?" The story still works without his demise. We've still got Joffrey falling off Syrax.

Fuck me Emma D'Arcy's EYES.

Daemon you asshole.

ILU Rhaenys.

A My Little Pony dragon, can't wait to see Moondancer in all her turquoise glory. (and Morning in her pinkness).

I like this set up for Rhaenyra and Mysaria. Mysaria has been constantly mistreated by men. Rhaenyra gets that so she's like "righto I'll stick to my word because I am a woman and know the shit you've been through." and thus earns Mysaria's loyalty. Nice.

Yay for some almost book accuracy Erryk/Arryk fight. I was hoping their hug would be mutual death too but we got Hara Kiri instead, oh well.

[starglitterz]

Oh about Blue Lock. I started watching it and I'm glad I listen to your recommendation😘😘. I'm a sucker for sports anime, so when I saw it was a soccer anime I knew I was gonna love it 😍😍💕. My favourite characters at the moment are Isagi, Nagi, Bachira, Kunigami and Chigiri ❤☺☺ and I can't wait to see them grow. Who are your favourite characters -🌊 anon

🌊 ANON YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!! marrying u platonically as we speak <3

IM SO GLAD YOURE WATCHING BLUE LOCK AKJWDKJASKJD!!!! and yes omg it's such a good sports anime aside from the fact that it is totally deranged 👍 and omfg bestie your taste?!??! CHEFS KISS IMMACULATE !!!!!! <33 u should totally read the manga if u can !! all their development there is so crazy 😵

and bro picking faves in blue lock is SO DIFFICULT bc there are so many pretty boys... but my all time favourites are def: sae, nagi, reo, bachira, isagi <3 nagi is my pathetic little meow meow while isagi is my little loserboy & bachira is my unhinged boyfriend + i would let sae [REDACTED] and also reo deserves the world poor bby HAHJSDJSKD sorry im normal abt them i swear...

i hope u continue enjoying blue lock!! it only gets better and better (in my totally unbiased view), feel free to come talk 2 me abt it whenever!! ilu wave nonnie hope you've been doing well <33

[bridesorder]

@gamenu​ hit the ♡

“--It looks like you have the high score once again,” You let warmth cross over your features for a moment, admiring the youth’s expertise at scaling the towers in the lone arcade machine in the establishment. Still, you couldn’t help but chuckle at the scenario, all these middle aged drunkards that poured countless coins into this contraption, beaten by a kid. “So young too, it probably bothers the regulars here.”

[seventhwondr]

red is power !  red is adrenaline, fireworks, it is shorthand for passion, the color of kings & queens & revolution. it is the requiem for the chivalrous & brave, clarifying as fire; & it is a fitting thing, for this particular young man. he reminds her of her own little tyke, in more ways than one —  all unbridled passion & brute strength, an unbreakable body that is clearly a pure reflection of their unbreakable spirit. so young & this boy was already fashioning himself into a pillar of peace. you feel almost giddy inside, to see that your student’s legacy thriving. & look at that smile of his !  so bright, so reassuring, a sure fiery light to combat any darkness. hah !  he’s been taught well.

“ hey !  — yes, you, young man. i’ve gotta say: you’ve got some real talent. that kind of raw strength paired with that equally strong drive of yours is a rare thing. i’m impressed. you must be red riot, yeah ? ”

&&. @ksri​ !!  /  sc.

[cowlsmash]

Hey just stopping by to say ilu 🥺❤❤❤🤗🤗

     S A M!?!?!?!? Hello, and ilu2!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤ I’m happy to see you back around on the dash, even if I’m not being as active as I want to be. \ o / We should plot/chat/write some time!