#i hope you enjoy novellas. as i have written one for you here

[ghoulfr13nd]

oh man pls don't apologize it's totally ok! it really wasn't my intention to make you feel guilty or anything, i was just making sure because i suddenly remembered previous difficulties that's all! fgsdjka of course you can take as long as you need your comfort and time always comes first, obviously! 💗

and don't feel pressured to do aspect playlists or anything, that was just a suggestion :D and as fun as it is, it takes SO MUCH TIME! it took me and my friend DAYS, almost a week! so really don't worry about it hsdjdfs but i can still give some examples! (i had no idea if you meant for all aspects or just some examples in general but oh well!)

breath: Where No One Goes by Jónsi Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance

blood: "99" by Barns Courtney Hey Brother by Avicii

light: All This And Heaven Too by Florence + The Machine Next Up Forever by AJR

void: Valley Of The Dolls by Marina The Underground by Unlike Pluto & 8 Graves

rage: STFU! by Rina Sawayama BLOODMONEY by Poppy

hope: The Real World by Owl City Counting Stars by OneRepublic

heart: Metamorphosis by Penny Parker still feel. by half•alive (with heart we focused more about identity than other things (especially not romance, i don't subscribe to the notion that Heart is a "Romance Aspect" like. at all.))

mind: Everything Moves by Bronze Radio Return Deadlock by Go! Child

doom: Troubled Times by Green Day Radioactive by Imagine Dragons

life: Bloody Mary by 缶缶 うっせぇわ by Ado

time: Industry Baby by Lil Nas X Elevate by DJ Khalil (with time we specifically went with The Extended Zodiac description so it's all about fighting and overcoming challenges!)

space: Obstacles by Syd Matters Spanish Sahara by Foals

(sorry if it's a lot!)

oooh Witch of Void sounds so cool! but Maid of Breath/Light is also great! it's so cool you went from Void to (potentially) Light since they are (allegedly) two opposite aspects! and hey i know this quiz, it was one that pointed me in the direction of my current classpect! :D i ignored the fanmade things too, they were put there to fill space probably anyway ;v; i love classpecting as personality test too! i used to be so intense about it too, you have no idea, oh man. the long hours i spend reading and exchanging theories… WOW fsdgjdfk but my classpect is probably page of heart! i've been identifying as Heart player since my early times in fandom, i tried to change it several times but i always turn back to it fsdjk and Page is just a class i feel the most connected to! :D

and i hope so too! :D that'd be my first concert of an artist i'd actually cared about! i hope it will bring me as much joy as you get out of your concert experiences, you make it sound magical! :D how's the progress in seeing all your gender artists? are you more than half-way to your final form perhaps? 👀

and thank you so much for listening to these songs it means a lot! ;v; and you know, that's fair, i basically grew up with german because i have some of my family living there and i had to learn it in school so i don't see it as unusual but i can totally see it sounding silly it takes some getting used to fgsdjk hmmm my thoughts… well, with Sonne i especialyl like the industrial sounds and this like- strong "drop" when the guitar comes up! and i really like the feminine vocalizations through! also. i know it sounds ridiculous but i used to want to make an undertale animatic to Sonne fgasdfjk (i am cringe but at least i am free!) with Links 2 3 4 i remember (for the first time in my life) looking for interviews with band members because i found their lyrics so interesting & i think i remember reading specifically about how they had to fight with accusations/assumptions of them being "right-wing" just because of being a german metal band, so they made a song to make a point they're left leaning ("They want my heart in the right place, but then I look away and down. There it beat left, left, left, left." < these lyrics are so on the nose with that context and i love them for it fdgasjkf) Amerika is just- a classic i think! one of first songs i heard from them and i think lyrics here are also very on the nose about americanization of the world etc and i felt that, especially as a middle schooler that just started being conscious of the world fgsdjka but mostly i chose these songs because they are the most nostalgic to me and/or slap, at least to me! fgsdjk

and also OMG THAT'S SUCH A NICE SENTIMENT!!! FGSDJFKSDHKL (excuse me while i try not to tear up! fhdsfds) i am so into this idea AAAAAAAA! ;v; when i saw the playlist with my alias my stomach made a little flip (in a good way!) it's so nice of you! ;v; oh man i'm excited! :D question though! by sending you a list you mean a list from specific playlists or just whatever? 👀 (though i won't be sending a list now because i already gave you a long list of aspect vibes so i don't want to overdue it! fgsjkfdhfjk)

music anon 🎶

hello my anon….. i went to work, for a couple of walks, played a LOT of pokemon go and took a cold shower. you have been on my mind the whole time.

dw dw i didnt think you were trying to make me feel guilty!! i understood what you were goin for, and i’m appreciative of it!!

like, i feel like this is going to sound rude, but i’m kind of at this place in my life where i dont really. feel. obligated to uphold these polite standards most people have? and i dont really expect others to have them with me. it’s like, i GUESS its polite, but really i just think its counterproductive. if i force myself to do something, im not giving my best, and i want to give my best! so i’m always going to wait until i feel like i can. and if that’s how i feel about it, it’s hypocritical to not extend that to others. uhhhh i lost my point. i just mean like. its hard to make me feel bad about something like that flsjdjdkdjdk. sorry for this long tangent, i just don’t want you to worry about making me feel bad by giving me a gentle nudge. i’m heartier than that!

AND on that note, i do NOT feel obligated to make aspect playlists. aspect playlists are RIGHT up my alley. i mentioned to one of my friends that you and i were talking about classpects and he was like “oh they came to the right fucking house” and i was like “I KNOW!!!!!!!!!” anyway i’m SO excited to do them i just havent been in the right mindset yet :0 and like. i’m incapable of. like. NOT being an oversharer. everyone knows what i’m thinking, for better or worse 😔

actually? you know what? full disclosure heres my results for the aspect part of that quiz

look. look at this. i feel like it tells you plenty. (i would also love to see yours if youre willing to share but you also absolutely don’t have to khldkf uhh. re: i’m incapable of not oversharing)

have we talked about Barns Courtney before???? i dont think we have. thats ANOTHER artist i’ve seen live!!!! it was such a good fucking concert!!!!!! it was actually at the SAME venue that both Autoheart and The Crane Wives were at! it’s a super cool little place. i dont have any videos of that concert unfortunately 😔 it was before i got into my current phase. BUT UHHH I ACTUALLY HAVE A TSHIRT WITH LYRICS FROM “99” ON IT THAT I GOT AT THAT CONCERT. THATS SO WILD. also i LOVE it for blood thats SO big brained!!!!

Valley of the Dolls for voiddddd yeeeesssssssss. i love it. actually begging for the full void playlist i related SO HARD to void back in the day!! i’m digging this so fucking hard actually uhh. this is um. this is. —

ALSO STFU FOR RAGE. YES. i actually havent heard this song in a while and i like it even more than i remember. it rocks. I also hadn’t heard bloodmoney and it rules too. i want the full rage playlist too gimme gimme

ALSO YEAH HEART IS *NOT* ABOUT ROMANCE. love love love this opinion heart is ABSOLUTELY about identity. whats it like to have such good and correct opinions, anon? adore your song choices too!!!! also like, obviously i want this full playlist, its YOUR ASPECT!!

took one look at the album covers for the life songs on spotify and was like. “oh these have animations on youtube” so i listened to them there!!! AND THEY WERE SO GOOD!!!!!! i also really love this interpretation of the aspect, but i also see what you meant by mostly listening to rage songs ghskdj. like うっせぇわ by Ado reminded me so much of Aggretsuko…. she’s just like me fr

i also really like where you went with time!! also this makes me. want to make classpect theories for the spiderverse characters fjsjdjdjjdk

i’d never heard obstacles before…. i really really enjoyed this song! SAME WITH SPANISH SAHARA? I REALLY REALLY DIG THE SPACE VIBES.

i did listen to all of your recs but these are the ones i had the most thoughts about!!

BUT YEAH!!!! i still really love witch of void and i still see a lot of myself in it, but i was also a different person when i formulated that identity. i kept things closer to my heart. though, a witch of void does manipulate void, so maybe thats a classpect that could imitate a light player in a way? maybe i’ll keep it actually fjskdjdk. i do see a lot of myself in the other two though 😔 i have a dnd character who i absolutely ADORE playing that actually would definitely be a light player :0 much to think about…..

VERY FUNNY TO ME THAT WE BOTH USE THE SAME QUIZ AND DID THE SAME THING…. more things to add to the center of our venn diagram.

page of heart!! actually. i have looked at this one for myself as well. shaking your hand enthusiastically. what does this title mean to you? do you have a land made up? i’d love to hear all about it!!

yeeeesssss!!!! are there any other artists you want to see live if they come there? whats your dream list…..

AND GKSJFJSKDN I WISH. MORE THAN HALF WAY. IN MY DREAMS. i’m FAR from seeing all of these artists live fjskjddj. some of them are impossible actually, theyre not making music anymore. but thats okay! gender-wise… idk where i want to end up. i’m still not super sure what i want :0 besides top surgery. i have never doubted that top surgery is in my future. but theres approx 23 artists on it and i’ve seen 4 i think? something like that!!

and ofc!!! thank YOU for listening to MY songs! i’m enjoying the exchange a lot! especially because we obviously have a lot of overlap in our tastes.

thats super cool though!! family in germany… my grandmother lived in germany very briefly with her first husband who was stationed there. she knows exactly one phrase and its the price of whatever she bought at the store gkgjhk. i don’t know any german myself (if that wasn’t abundantly obvious fksjdjd). i dont really have a second language, but i did learn a little french in high school, and i’m working really hard to learn hungarian! do you know many languages? :0

ALSO PLEASE TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS UNDERTALE ANIMATIC? give me the play-by-play. being cringe is so fun i love being cringe.

thats such cool lore about Links 2 3 4 :0 but yeah uh. idk what it is about american dudes who are into german metal but i wont lie to you its usually a red flag to me 😔 i really didnt think it was something to worry about with you though, i dont remember what it was, but you had said something that had made me think “oh well this isnt an american person i have to worry about having a weird perverse relationship with german culture” fgkdkkd.

i can totally get why you would be into it! personally speaking amerika quite literally hits too close to home for me. i’m so tired 😭 there are things i love about where i live but also….. hhhhhh……..

thank you for sharing your thoughts!! and i’m so glad you like the playlist idea! as far as the question you asked — either! both! if you send me random songs, i’ll add them to your playlist, and if you send me a specific playlist i’ll create a new one for it. so whatever you feel!!

sorry for the. very very very long response. i spent so much time with this. like literally several hours. i will respond to the oc one another time so don’t worry when you don’t see it at the same time as this one!! i’ve already read it and im excited to reply it’s just midnight here now dkgdgkhdk

i hope you have a great morning/afternoon/evening/night!!!

[writingquestionsanswered]

Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now I’m confused because I don’t want to publish it. I don’t even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but it’s still far and away the longest thing I’ve ever written) for? I know people say “write for yourself��� but like… am I just wasting my time? Help?

(p.s. you can leave this off anon)

(p.p.s your blog is really great 👍)

There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing

I'm going to tackle this two ways...

#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.

I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.

And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."

You know what I mean?

#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.

So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! ♥

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[megalony]

Meet My Family- Part 2

Okay, it's taken me a while but here is the second part of my Evan Buckley imagine. I hope you will all like it, thank you for the lovely feedback on the first part.

Please let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Part 1

Summary: Now that Evan's team have met his family and his son, his family have been invited to a birthday party and Evan is touched how everyone makes an effort with his son. (Autistic son)

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's this?" Evan tilted his head back against the sofa and squinted up at Hen who was stood behind him.

She had a cheesy grin spread across her face and one brow arched up in that manner that implied something was going on or that she had some kind of plan formulating in her head. Both her hands planted down on the sofa either side of his shoulders and she leaned forward and indicated her head towards the envelope she had just handed down to him.

"What does it look like?"

Evan rolled his eyes and leaned forward, focusing on opening the pale blue envelope which had Buckley's written on the back.

His brows rose and he pushed forward so he could spin on the sofa and look up at Hen properly once he looked over the card inside.

It was an invitation.

He glanced over the writing and the painted balloons in the background. Denny was having a birthday party next week, coincidently it was Evan's day off, but he suspected Hen had gone to Bobby and they had done the rota so everyone on the A shift could have the day off together.

But what made Evan's heart rocket in his chest was the names scrawled on the top of the page, clearly in Denny's handwriting. Buck, (Y/n) and Rowan. They were inviting Rowan.

"You're coming, right?" It was more a statement than a question and Evan dreaded to give the wrong answer.

Of course he would go, he thought Denny was a sweet kid and parties with the team were always a fun celebration. And he and (Y/n) had nothing else planned, so they couldn't really say no.

"Yeah, of course."

"How's Rowan with music, he's not sensitive to noises, right?"

"The louder the better… are you, um… I mean, Rowan loves parties, but he doesn't get invited to many."

The hidden question was there behind Evan's words. The tone of his voice was careful, he didn't want to cause offence or seem like he was ungrateful for the invite because he was. But in his and (Y/n)'s extended families, there weren't too many people who took the time to understand Rowan.

Their excuses were the usual kind. It was a party for adults or for older children, Rowan was 'too young' to go or he would be tired easily or it would be too loud for him. It was the polite way of saying they didn't want him there.

Evan didn't want Hen to think she was obligated to invite them if Denny was going to have a lot of school friends round who might not understand or who might just sit and stare at Rowan. That wouldn't be fair on anyone.

"Denny wants to meet him, he's heard Chris talking about him, and we want you all there. He's always gonna be welcome."

Evan nodded and took a deep breath to ward off the tears that were starting to burn behind his eyes and nose. The team had met Rowan twice, the first time when they came down to the hospital and again when Evan brought him to the station.

And he had gone to Eddie's house to meet Chris, which had gone down so well that Rowan didn't want to go home.

"You sure? He'll try to explore and take the toys and the food and if he's excited you'll hear him for miles." Evan's tone softened, he wasn't trying to put Hen off or make her change her mind, he just wanted her to know what she was agreeing to.

Rowan was a handful, but Evan wouldn't have him any other way. Rowan would explore Hen's house because it was a new environment and he was curious. He would try and take any present he saw that took his fancy, if he was hungry he would want to pinch the food whether it was time to eat or not. And he was very vocal, if Rowan was excited his noises got louder. He would squeal and scream and laugh and clap because it was his way of expressing himself when he couldn't use words.

"Buck, you've just described every kid that's gonna be there, don't worry, it's gonna be a great day. None of you have allergies, right?"

"Just Pica." The playful smirk on Evan's face made Hen smile and she nodded, patting his shoulder while she rolled her eyes.

Evan had told the team about Rowan's conditions, one of them being Pica, where he would eat non-food items. It was mainly for sensory feelings, if he looked the look or the smell or the texture of something, he would put it in his mouth to learn and explore. Which was why all the cleaning products were locked away in a cupboard in Evan's home, and why they had to keep an eye on Rowan at all times.

When Hen walked back into the kitchen, Evan smiled and nodded to himself. It was going to be an eventful day, if anything. One that he was now looking forward to.

"Are we ready?" (Y/n) looked between her two boys with a smile that was a little apprehensive.

The only one out of the three of them who was any good at parties was Evan. (Y/n) was too nervous and never knew what to do or what to say, she ended up sitting in a corner barely conversing with anyone. And no one knew how to act with Rowan, there was only a handful of people who knew how to interact with him and who were happy to sit with him and try to engage in his ways of play.

Whereas everyone got along with Evan, he was always smiling and knew how to joke around and could intergrate into any conversation and community.

But this was a children's party. (Y/n) knew this was going to be a lot easier than the usual kind of party. She could interact with kids, she knew how to be on their level and understand them and play their games and she had a lot of patience for children.

"Off we go," Evan grinned and tugged on Rowan's hand as they approached the front door to Hen's house.

He kept hold of Rowan's hand and tugged his boy back to his side when the five year old went to push the door. He had a tendency to try and walk into houses straight after knocking, Rowan didn't grasp the part about waiting to be invited inside. He thought it was like going home or going to his grandparent's house, he could walk right in and the door would be unlocked and people would be welcoming.

"Hi! Denny will be thrilled you're all here, come in." Karen opened the door, a wide smile on her face as she ushered them inside. "Hi Rowan." A gentle look washed over Karen's face and she waved her hand at him.

She had heard Hen talk about him, about how it was a surprise to find out Evan had a family of his own and how sweet she thought Rowan was when she met him at the hospital. They were all excited to meet him, and Denny was always open to making new friends.

The five year old studied her curiously as he swayed back and forth, pulling on Evan's hand like it was a rope swing. But he waved at her nonetheless which caused her smile to widen.

"Everyone's out in the garden."

They followed Karen down to the kitchen and out the back door where the noise level raised and the chaos ensued.

There were a lot of balloons tied around the fence, some tied to the few tables outside and placed around the garden with weights to keep them from floating off into space. A banner of Happy Birthday was pinned against the fence on the right side of the garden above the buffet table.

(Y/n) could see something that would grab Rowan's attention towards the back of the garden. A paddling pool. Rowan was very sensory and he loved the swimming pool, if they weren't careful he would be straight in there in his clothes and they wouldn't be able to get him out. And next to the pool was a sandbox that was usually closed up but today was wide open with spades and buckets and a signpost that (Y/n) couldn't read from this far away.

They didn't get very far before Denny spotted them and it was heartwarming to see his bright smile when he realised they had arrived. He had been waiting desperately to meet Rowan.

Denny was sat near the sandbox with Chris who was eyeing the buffet like he was desperate to go over there and try everything. Chris had already met Rowan and they were all pleased that the pair of them seemed to be very happy in each other's company. Chris was a little unsure at first that when he spoke, Rowan didn't give a response. But he could see Rowan knew what was being said and he would smile or pat Chris's hand or just murmur as a way of response.

"You're here!" He bounded over to them with a wide smile and bounds of energy radiating off of him. He stood next to Karen who placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm Denny."

(Y/n) was quite surprised that Denny's smile actually widened when Rowan made a little humming noise. Maybe he had been told Rowan was non-verbal and thought that meant he didn't make any sounds at all. But it was so lovely to see someone eager to play with Rowan and just be in his presence. They wanted Rowan to have a normal childhood, as normal as possible, and connect with people and make friends.

When (Y/n) held the present they had brought in front of Rowan and nodded towards Denny, the five year old took the hint. He grabbed the bag with haste and thrust it towards Denny with determination in his eyes and his other hand still clinging to Evan.

"Thank you," Denny carefully took the present and looked up at his mum who nodded and took it from him so it could be put with the rest of the presents inside for him to open later.

"Mum's doing a scavenger hunt in the sandbox. Do you want to join?" Denny held his hand out and waited patiently. He knew Rowan might not want to take his hand because he didn't know him, but he thought it was worth a try.

The young boy looked up at Evan, made a 'me me' noise and took Denny's hand. He kept hold of his dad's hand too, dragging Evan along like they were in a chain or a congo but it was enough to make Denny grin. And (Y/n) could barely focus on breathing when all she could feel was surprise and love and happiness.

Denny walked slow enough so they could trot side by side towards Hen, Athena's son Harry and Chris and Eddie. They were all stood near the sandbox and Evan took a moment to look around.

"Scavenger hunt?" (Y/n) looked towards Karen as they both moved to head over to where Athena, Bobby, Chimney and Maddie were all sat nearby with the radio blasting eighties tunes in the background.

"Hen's buried sweets and little fidget toys in the sandbox. They'll have to dig around for buried treasure."

Evan took to looking in the sandbox to get a better view and see what Hen had been up to. He loved the effort they had put in to making games for the kids, it was more than Evan ever had in his childhood, he never had any big parties or fun celebrations for anything in his life. Not his birthday, not to celebrate leaving school or getting into college. His parents were only ever happy to be at a party for Evan when he got married.

He wanted things to be different for Rowan.

Rowan began swaying back and forth, unsure what they were doing or why they were stood waiting near the sand. He knew he didn't usually get to play in the sandbox at school. He had a tendency to put the sand in his mouth because of his Pica and on the odd occasions when he was taken to the beach, one parent always had hold of him at all times so he couldn't try anything.

He started to hum and tick his head back and forth like he was dancing to the music before he suddenly let go of each hand he had been holding. He weaved around the sandbox and made a little squeal as he bounced on his tiptoes and made a beeline for the buffet table.

"Not yet buddy." Evan trotted behind him and clamped his hands down on Rowan's shoulders.

A squeal of protest left Rowan's lips and his brows furrowed as he pointed at the table and stomped his foot.

"No, not yet. Games first."

When Rowan tried to stomp his foot and reach out for a bowl of crisps, Evan moved quickly. He could just envision that bowl going flying and crisps scattering across the floor. He looped his hands beneath Rowan's arms and spun him round in the other direction.

He knelt down in front of the sandbox and gently sat Rowan on his knees as the boys all knelt in the sandbox, ready to dig for treasure.

When Hen said the boys could start digging, Evan handed Rowan a plastic spade and encouraged him to start to dig with everyone else. Rowan seemed content to look at the others for a while, he had never known objects to be hidden in the sand like this. He watched Denny dig up a lollipop and when Chris found a bag of Haribos and pointed to the sand, Rowan started to dig, if a bit lazily.

A very lovely, cheeky smile flooded Rowan's face after a few minutes and he dunked his left hand down into the sand. His fingers curled into his palm and spread out again to feel the sand tickling his palm and flooding between his fingers.

He burrowed his hands down into the sand, grabbed fistfuls and pulled his hands back up. He watched, fascinated, as the sand fell through his fingers like droplets of rain.

His lips parted in a cheeky smile and he locked eyes with Hen just as he poked his tongue over his lower lip towards the sand.

"Ah-ah, don't do that thank you." Evan pressed his lips to the top of Rowan's head and enclosed his large hand around his son's to prevent him from putting his hand in his mouth. He knew what he was doing. He was looking to see if anyone would notice or tell him off.

His head tilted back against Evan's chest as he started to giggle.

He did it for the texture, not to try and eat the sand because he was hungry or desperate. It was a fixation, a sensory feeling, putting things in his mouth was Rowan's way of getting a sensory fix and feeling textures and learning.

"I think you've had enough sand." Evan murmured against the top of Rowan's head before he glanced over at Hen. "Is he okay to wander round a bit?" He would hate to let Rowan wander if Hen wanted all the kids to stay together or to stay in the garden. Rowan liked to explore and that might mean scouting round the kitchen.

"Sure, go have fun."

Evan let Rowan take the lead, he let his boy wander round the garden, not really looking for anything in particular. He was getting to know this new environment, getting used to new surroundings and familiar people and loud noises and different smells.

Evan followed him round, hands in his pockets and a grin on his face. Rowan was doing better than he expected. His boy wasn't screaming or having a meltdown from a sensory overload. He wasn't banging on the tables and chairs or fighting to get at the buffet table and he was being his version of sociable. He wasn't frowning and pushing Denny or Chris away which he sometimes did when he was tired or overwhelmed.

He seemed happy wandering around with his head nodding back and forth and his hands shaking at his sides in stims.

"Hi mister, what're you up to?" Bobby leaned his head to one side as he looked down at Rowan when the five year old paused in front of him.

His big wide eyes stared up at Bobby before he fell into a fit of giggles. He recognised him from seeing him at the hospital and again when Bobby had visited their home for the first time. He reached up and tugged on Bobby's hand, swinging it back and forth before he started to pull him down.

Bobby obliged and crouched down to be level with him, only to have Rowan's cheeky smile widen and his hands started grabbing at the cup in Bobby's free hand.

"Buddy, ask nicely."

He knew not to try and take what he wanted. His head turned to look up at Evan before he turned back towards Bobby and gently patted his wrist. Rowan's sign to imply that he himself wanted a drink.

"Come and show me what you want to drink then."

The Captain took Rowan's hand and they both headed towards the buffet table where there were at least four different bottles of pop and some jugs of juice set out. He knew Rowan could point and choose for himself, he just needed them to be poured for him.

Evan rolled his lips together and dragged his hand across his jaw, unable to hide his beaming smile as he watched his Captain take great care to try and understand his son. Bobby was nodding and humming along to the noises Rowan was making and when they reached the table, Bobby crouched down to Rowan's level and politely asked him to pick what he would like.

Everyone seemed to be understanding Rowan completely and they accepted every little whim and way he had.

The party was going better than expected.

***

"Have you had enough, baby?" (Y/n) tilted her head to the left to where Rowan was sat beside her. He was close enough that his arm was resting on her thigh and their legs were touching, he didn't like to be far apart.

She gently stroked her fingers through his hair as he began humming and pushed his paper plate away, his signal that he was finished.

The boys had been sat very close to the buffet table in case they wanted seconds. They had been sat in a big circle on the grass to have their dinner while the rest of the 118 were in the chairs near the radio, finishing off their food. But Rowan wouldn't stray far from his parents when it was time to eat.

He wasn't much of a fussy eater, he would eat a lot of various things, but if Rowan was at a strange place, he was self-conscious. He didn't like people looking at him when he was eating and he could get overwhelmed when he heard other people eating and the different sounds they made.

And both parents wanted him close by just in case he tried to take something from someone else's plate. He didn't do that often but they didn't want him to start that habit today.

"Good boy," (Y/n) looped her arm around his shoulders so he could snuggle into her side. She was sat on the grass in between Evan's legs with her head resting on his thigh and his legs squeezing into her sides. And every now and then she felt his hand holding her shoulder or feathering up and down her neck as he peppered kisses to the top of her head.

She looked down at Rowan when he started to bash his palm against his mouth, making popping sounds like he was kissing his hand. When he started rocking back and forth, she uncurled her arm from him so he could move around without bashing into her.

(Y/n) looked to the right and she smiled when Chris plonked down on his knees next to her. He looked between her and Evan, clearly wanting to speak to them and be in their company for a while since everyone else was still either eating or chatting and listening to the music.

"I've been learning some new tricks." His wide grin made (Y/n) raise her brow and she tilted her head back to look up at Evan who hummed.

"Oh yeah, like what?" Evan rested his elbows on his knees and his hands on (Y/n)'s shoulders so he could lean over her. His lips pressed to the top of her head but his eyes were firmly focused on watching Chris.

They knew he was trying to learn some little magic tricks, he was venturing into lots of games and different tricks to amuse himself. He was much like Evan in the sense that he took up a lot of different activities and didn't like to stick to just one thing.

It was why they had so much fun when Chris came round and watched documentaries with Evan or when they all went to the zoo or the aquarium.

They listened eagerly as Chris explained what he was trying to do and showed them a trick.

"Pound?" Chris bit his lower lip and held his palm out towards Evan who huffed and rummaged around in his pocket.

"Is this payment, or are you showing us another trick?" He wasn't sure whether Chris was just being cheeky and asking for a coin because he had showed them a good trick. Or whether he needed one to try and perform another magic trick.

"Both."

Evan looked over at Eddie who was sat in the chair next to him. "You do realise I'm being swindled over here?"

Eddie shrugged. He had taught Chris well, it wasn't his fault if Evan always fell for it or always gave in because he was soft at heart.

He dropped a coin into the palm of Chris's hand before he curled his left arm around (Y/n)'s chest just beneath her neck and leaned to press a sloppy kiss to her cheek. He felt her hand curl around his arm and she leaned into his touch and peppered a few hollow kisses up his arm.

Her smile widened when Chris muttered a small "Okay," to himself and he shuffled closer until his knees nudged into (Y/n)'s leg. And he reached out to take (Y/n)'s free hand so he could use her hand as part of the trick.

(Y/n) leaned into Evan's touch and watched Chris intently, but she gasped and shot upright when Rowan suddenly grabbed her.

His hands scrunched up in her leggings and he made a deep whining sound as he scrambled to climb onto her lap. She pushed back into Evan and tried to part her legs so Rowan could sit between them but she couldn't help but groan when he continued to stand and clamber over her like she was a piece of furniture.

"Rowan," She groaned his name and tried to gently nudge him but her gasp turned into a cough when he stood up on her thighs and flopped into her chest, pushing her back into Evan.

"Rowan don't do that." Evan moved his arm that was around (Y/n)'s chest to nudge Rowan back but it didn't work.

The five year old started to make a low grumbling noise and the way he ground his jaw from side to side showed he wasn't happy. His nose crinkled and his lips jutted out before he reached his hand down and grabbed (Y/n)'s wrist, pulling her hand away from Chris.

When Evan noticed the movement, he sighed and bit his tongue to stop from rolling his eyes.

Rowan was getting possessive. He loved being around people, and he loved getting close to people and having their attention, but the same couldn't be said for his parents. He didn't like either (Y/n) or Evan interacting with other people, he thought they should be focused on him and only him.

Seeing (Y/n) playing with Chris made him upset, he wanted her attention, he didn't want her giving her attention to anyone else. They were his parents, not Chris's.

"Chris is doing magic, look." (Y/n) looped her left arm around Rowan's waist and tried to tug him to the side a little so he wasn't smothering her front. She kissed his cheek and let him lean into her chest while she sat back against Evan who kept an arm draped loosely over her shoulder.

She held her hand back out since she still had the coin burning into her palm and Chris tried to do the trick again, but Rowan wasn't impressed.

He pushed forward into (Y/n)'s chest and batted his hand out to whack her hand away from Chris.

"Ro, wanna come sit over here with me?" Eddie put his drink down on the grass beside his chair and reached his hands out in front of him. He wouldn't mind if Rowan wanted to come and sit with him, he would happily entertain him and play with him for a while.

But he wasn't interested. He let out another disgruntled whine, and before either parent could try and say anything, Rowan lurched his right arm out. He looped his arm around the back of (Y/n)'s neck and yanked her forward towards him with a bit too much force.

The movement shook (Y/n) off balance and she gasped when her forehead smashed into Rowan's.

"Fuck!"

A blinding pain shot through her temple and errupted behind her eyes that immediately began to water and pour tears down the bridge of her nose. She couldn't help the yelp she let out and her head flopped back onto Evan's thigh as she let go of Rowan to cradle her nose and temple. For a moment (Y/n) thought he'd given her a nosebleed, but she was relieved to see no blood coating her fingers or trickling down the back of her throat.

Leaning down, Evan cupped (Y/n)'s chin and tilted her head up in his direction and he gently moved her hands away so he could take a look. His fingers skimmed across her temple, wincing when she shivered and pulled back.

"You okay babe?"

"God, that hurt," (Y/n) groaned quietly but she didn't look up at Evan for long, her gaze switched back down to their boy.

He flopped down to sit between (Y/n)'s legs, hands cupping his neck and dragging his nails down his skin in long, deep scratches. Whines and deep cries rumbled past his lips and tears streaked down his face. He hadn't meant to pull (Y/n) harsh enough to headbutt her and it had clearly hurt him. He didn't have a high pain threshold.

"Come here, you're okay." Eddie hopped up from his chair and reached forward to scoop Rowan up and sit back down with him.

He perched the five year old on his knee and cocooned his arms around him, wiping away the tears. And he gently held Rowan's hand to stop him from scratching at his neck. He was rather surprised when Rowan leaned into him and pushed into his chest tight enough that Eddie had to take shallow breaths.

It had been a while since Eddie had patched Chris up after a fall or an accident and he smiled softly when Rowan burrowed into him rather than trying to scramble away.

"What were you doing, hm?"

"Getting possessive," Evan answered with a certain look and raised brows which caused Rowan to frown. He may not have understood the words, but he knew that look all too well. "He doesn't like our attention going to anyone else."

"So no more kids then?" Chimney spoke around the rim of his glass, his nose crinkling as he tried to dampen his smile a little.

He chuckled quietly at the sideways look he got from Evan and the way (Y/n)pushed out her lower lip to distort a smirk. They hadn't thought about that aspect. They were trying to focus on showing Rowan that it was okay for them to give attention to other people and other kids, that he wasn't missing out or being pushed aside.

He couldn't get this upset every time they tried to talk to people or be sociable, he had to learn that it was okay for their attention to be shared with other people.

Especially if, in the future, (Y/n) and Evan thought about having another baby. It wouldn't bode well if Rowan thought it was okay to be possessive over them and then he had to learn from an older age that he had to share them with a sibling.

"Show me again." (Y/n) whispered softly as she held her hand back out towards Chris and nodded for him to redo the trick he hadn't managed to finish with Rowan's little outburst.

She leaned her cheek against Evan's thigh and did her best to keep her eyes open despite the raging headache throbbing behind her eyes and nose. Both her and Evan kept darting their eyes over at Eddie, but he seemed happy as ever quietly chatting to Rowan who was no longer in fits of tears. The toddler was curled up into his chest, humming softly and holding Eddie's hand, letting out a little sniffle every now and then.

Just as Chris finished his magic trick, they all looked up when Denny jogged over to them with a wide grin.

"Mum said we can go in the pool, are you coming?" Denny hovered by the side of them, a hopeful look on his face that brightened as he looked between Chris and Rowan.

Evan was rather surprised Rowan hadn't made a beeline for the pool already, he was one for water, he was like a duck. He couldn't exactly swim but he would paddle and splash and he wasn't afraid to go further into the water at the local swimming pool as long as someone was alongside him. It was one of his preferred activities and something Evan and (Y/n) tried to do with him every week.

With a quick glance over at Eddie, Chris got up and whipped off his shirt which he tossed next to his dad's chair. And when Evan nodded, Eddie leaned forward and gently set Rowan down to his feet and motioned to his shirt.

"Are we off in the water?" When Eddie pointed to the paddling pool, a lovable, excited scream left Rowan's lips before he started patting his hand rather forcefully against his lips to stim. "Alright," Eddie grinned and helped him off with his shirt, he was wearing shorts so he would be fine in the water and (Y/n) had a bag with spare clothes for later.

(Y/n) patted Evan's thigh and tilted her head up to steal a quick kiss before she got up and hurried after Rowan. He needed to be supervised because too many people in a small paddling pool with him was a recipe for Rowan getting overwhelmed. He might try and push people out his way or lash out at them if they were overwhelming him or getting too close.

Once the other kids were in the pool, Rowan seemed to assess the paddling pool. (Y/n) wasn't sure what he was looking for or what he was thinking until he moved towards the left corner of the square pool, then she realised.

He wanted to sit on his own.

Rowan didn't want to be splashing about with everyone else because the pool wasn't big. It wasn't like the swimming pool where people could have their own space, this was a decent sized pool for a back garden, but with four other kids in there, Rowan clearly didn't want to be cramped.

He carefully climbed over the side and flopped into the water like a fish back in its habitat. He sat down with his legs crossed and the water settled just on top of his thighs. His arms threw out at his sides and he splashed his hands down in the water so that it prayed up around him and created bubbles between his fingers. The cold water didn't seem to shock or bother him, he didn't even shiver.

A cheeky smile lit up Rowan's face when Denny handed him one of the spades from the sandbox so he could splash properly and flick the water up.

He shovelled up the water and started to stim, flicking his wrist so the water sprinkled slowly over the edges of the shovel and rained down onto his legs.

"You ever take him to the pool?" Eddie's words caught Evan off guard and broke him out of his thoughts.

He tilted his head to the left, watching his friend as they both moved to sit down nearer to their boys in the pool. Evan smiled when he caught sight of (Y/n) knelt beside Rowan with her arms folded on the edge of the pool. She wasn't splashing or trying to gain his attention, she was just hanging back and seeing how he faired for a while.

Evan sat down with his elbows perched on his thighs and his hands clasped together on his lap while he nodded. "Yeah, yeah he loves going to the pool."

"Could… do you think he'd be happy if me and Chris could join? Chris gets nervous in the pool, I thought going with friends might make him a bit more confident." Eddie didn't want to impose or presume and he wouldn't want to suggest it if Rowan would get too overstimulated or panicked if others joined them in a routine he usually did with his parents.

But if he might be okay with it, Eddie hoped it might help Chris. He wasn't the best swimmer and he was nervous in the pool about people watching, and if his feet couldn't touch the floor, he wouldn't go any further.

Maybe if he went with a group, with Evan and (Y/n) and Rowan he might feel more at ease. And it could be fun to splash around and play in the pool with Rowan as well as try to swim.

"I think he'd enjoy that."

(Y/n) perched her chin on her arm and smiled softly at the boys as they splashed around. But when one of them began to flick and splash at the others and they all retaliated, she saw Rowan flinch. He twisted to the right and shuffled until his side was pressed into the rubbery plastic edge of the paddling pool, staying close to his mum and turning his back to the rest of them.

He continued to splash for a while, kicking his legs so his heels thrashed in the water and cold droplets continued to scatter across his skin.

He let out hums and little noises that sounded like he was singing while he tucked his chin down into his chest and stared down at the lapping water. He could still hear the music playing in the background, but (Y/n) knew he would be focusing on the closer surrounding sounds. The sounds of the boys laughing and screeching and continuously moving and kicking around the pool was going to be more loud and distracting for Rowan.

After about ten minutes, Rowan flopped his head onto (Y/n)'s arm. He stayed cuddled up in the corner, but he seemed relieved when some of the boys climbed out the pool and ran over to the drinks table.

His stimming continued and he started to curl his fingers and he dropped the spade in favour of slamming his palm down into the water and patting the bottom of the pool. He stayed content as (Y/n) kissed the top of his head and ran her hand up and down his back.

Things seemed to be going well until someone popped a balloon.

Loud noises frightened Rowan. Whenever a car or a motorbike drove past and the engine banged, he would shudder and jump a mile. Balloons bursting made a horrid echo and was as frightening to Rowan as a gunshot to everyone else.

"Boys, be careful please-"

As soon as another balloon popped, Rowan screeched. His eyes screwed shut, his jaw dropped like a silent scream, his version of another stim and he began violently rocking back and forth. His heels slammed down into the pool so tightly and roughly that it would undoubtedly bruise the back of his heels.

"Baby-" (Y/n) bit her lower lip when she tried to move her arms forward to try and hold Rowan, but he fought off her touch. His hands lifted up and planted down on either side of his neck and he began digging his short nails into his skin. He dragged them down hard and fast, raking his fingers up and down until blood welled beneath his fingernails and deep scratches welled up on his skin.

His scream pierced through her ears and when she held his wrists to try and pull his hands away. She didn't want him to have a full meltdown here, not when he'd been having such a good day so far and enjoying himself.

"Baby come on, it's okay, you're okay."

She couldn't pull his hands away for more than two seconds before he was crying and moving his hands back to scratching his neck. So (Y/n) settled for slipping her hands beneath his arms to lift him up out of the pool. His elbows thrashed into her shoulders and chest and when his knee collided with her stomach, (Y/n) choked on the little air left in her lungs.

She managed to get Rowan out of the pool and got him sat down on the grass beside her.

He couldn't keep having a meltdown out here, (Y/n) had to get him inside so he was somewhere quieter, safer and secluded so no one could see. It wasn't fair for everyone to see him like this and it was Denny's party. But (Y/n) could already hear the music had been turned off and everyone was as quiet as a mouse. No one moved closer and all the boys took a few steps back, wanting to help but not knowing how.

None of the team had witnessed Rowan having a meltdown, they had only seen him a handful of times and were still getting to know him.

"Okay buddy, come here."

(Y/n) looked up when Evan was suddenly knelt in front of them, speaking a bit louder to be heard over Rowan's cries. He had taken one of the vacant towels from a nearby chair and when (Y/n) managed to pull Rowan's hands from his neck, Evan swooped in with the towel. He wrapped it around Rowan's shoulders and high up on his neck to prevent him from being able to scratch and draw anymore blood.

As soon as it was around him, Evan swooped him up in his arms and got to his feet. He shivered at feeling his boy scream into his neck and he could feel his legs bashing and kicking into his abdomen to try and get free, but he tried to ignore the feeling.

(Y/n) watched Evan hurry ahead towards the kitchen and she paused in her tracks of following him to look at Karen.

"I- I'm sorry, the balloons-"

"Don't be sorry, he's not done anything wrong."

"You can turn the music back on and carry on, don't let this spoil their fun. Once he's calmed down he'll be fine." It wouldn't be fair on Denny and the boys if they kept the music off and effectively stopped the party. They were all having fun and the party wasn't over yet, they could go back to their games.

This was something that happened for Rowan, he would get frightened or overwhelmed or too stimulated and he would have a meltdown. He would scream or cry or sometimes he just went mute and lashed out of they tried to interact with him. But it was becoming more and more frequent that he would hurt himself, whether that was scratching his skin or slamming his hands on the walls. It was his way of a release.

She made her way into the kitchen to find Evan sat on the floor, cross-legged with his back up against a cupboard and Rowan in his arms. The five year old was leant back into his chest, hands clearly stimming beneath the towel and his body violently rocking back and forth as he switched from screaming to crying instead.

"Alright, it's alright Ro, you're okay." Evan repeated the little mantra a few times as (Y/n) moved to sit down beside him on the floor.

They knew they couldn't overwhelm him with words and too much conversation. They couldn't bombard him and ask what was wrong or tell him what to do or say too many different things because it would just confuse and overwhelm him. The same few things were all he needed to calm him down. He needed reassurance and understanding.

When the shaking started to subside, (Y/n) leaned across and very slowly ran her fingers through Rowan's damp curls, brushing them back on his head so they were out of his face.

She paused and leaned back, unsure what Rowan was about to do when he suddenly writhed in Evan's arms and flung off the towel that was seemingly too constricting for him. But she breathed in relief when Rowan scuttled onto her lap instead.

He stood between her legs with his damp chest pushing forward on hers and he instantly looped his arms tightly around her neck. His cheek leaned on her shoulder and he began panting rather than crying, clearly having exhausted himself.

His eyes locked with Evan while he moved back and forth against (Y/n)'s chest, stimming and rocking in her arms to try and stay calm. But Evan was relieved when Rowan didn't cry or try to push him away when he cupped the back of Rowan's head and leaned over to kiss his temple.

"You're okay, buddy."

He was steadily calming down, and he would be a lot happier when they got back home in his comfort zone where he could relax with both parents.

[regal-bones]

Hi, I just discovered your art through your swords, I am incredibly delighted on how good they look and how clean your animations are! But I can't help but notice there is an underlying lore going on and I want to ask if you have stuff of The Continent available to read. I love nothing more than other people's imaginary worlds and the lore and stories they made for it!

Hey !!! first of all thank u so much, that’s really sweet! And yes I do !! Sorry this took so long to answer I wanted to make a big master post :)

so first of all and as a little disclaimer, the bulk of this project is on hiatus while I work on my video game Last Sprout. (more info on that here!) But I’ve been adding little bits to it every now and then, and still been doing stuff like swordtember to flesh out the worldbuilding! Also a lot of this is quite old (some stuff from about 2020) so excuse if the art and writing is of,,, poorer quality than my recent stuff.

As an intro, I made a little animatic trailer to the series here!

if you want full on written chapters of writing, you can read:

Curated Curios Chapter 1 and 2, and the prologue Peregrine and the Starpainter (I also have a first draft of chapter 3 written which if you want to read feel free to message me, it’s just a lil rough around the edges!) A Map of the Deadlands a web novella with some animated artwork!

Then there’s other stuff! One of them is The Back Room. This is the earliest of all of the projects and has a lot of lore, as well as stuff like DnD stats! There’s a lot of pages so I’ll highlight my faves, but have an explore because there’s other stuff than what I’ve mentioned here!

The Back Room - Artefacts The Back Room - Map of the Continent The Back Room - Races The Back Room - Museum of the Continent (DnD One Shot)

Then there’s everything I have here on tumblr! For this very ask I went through and added the #curated curios tag to everything I’ve posted here on tumblr that’s from the curated curios universe! You can follow this link or the tag on this post to check it out! Most of the artwork and stuff for it I’ve shared here on tumblr!

so yeah! I hope you enjoy !!! This universe is very dear to me and I hope you have fun checking it out :} have a lovely day !!

[veliseraptor]

April Reading Recap

Stars of Chaos vol. 2 by Priest. I'm not quite grabbed by this one yet. I'm not not enjoying it, but the main relationship doesn't quite have me compelled, and the politics aren't quite sharp enough to get me either. I'm not totally sure I'll keep buying the published volumes, at least not at this time, and just read the rest online to see how I end up feeling about it as a whole before making the financial commitment.

Medea by Eilish Quin. Listen, I'm a Medea apologist, but I'm a Medea apologist who is very much of the "she absolutely did all the awful things she's accused of and she is valid" and the author here is going "she did all the awful things she's accused of but it's not as bad as you thought it was because she didn't mean it!" and I'm just. I'm not mad, just disappointed (again). I was so hoping for a book that would do something interesting with a Medea retelling but I probably should've known better than to think it'd be this one. Why, you may ask, do I keep reading myth retellings about my problematic faves when all I do is complain about them? Hope springs eternal, I guess.

She Who Became the Sun and He Who Drowned the World by Shelley Parker-Chan. Exceptional. Might be my favorite books I read in April. I'd already read She Who Became the Sun back when it was first published and knew I'd enjoyed it (was rereading to refresh my memory for the sequel), but I felt like I enjoyed it more the second time around, and I might've liked He Who Drowned the World even more than its predecessor. If you're looking for works of just-barely fantasy with delightfully fucked up queer characters, come get 'em here. I won't say most of them are happy (they're not) or that things end well (they don't), but boy is it good reading.

The Death of Jane Lawrence by Caitlin Starling. Decent horror but not particularly outstanding, in my opinion. I liked The Luminous Dead more.

Untethered Sky by Fonda Lee. I continue to struggle with novellas. This was a perfectly good novella but it felt like it could've been a stronger short story, which I guess is better than the other way I usually come out of novellas, which is "this was a fine novella but it should've been a novel."

The Mountain in the Sea by Ray Nayler. I really liked this. It has more of a thriller-ish edge than I expected, but for all that I think it's a thoughtful book with some interesting things to say, and I feel like it's one I want more people to read so I can talk to them about it. It's set in a sort-of spooky, near-future dystopia, but a lot of it is about, like, the nature of thought and consciousness. Anyway, I found myself compelled.

Islands of Abandonment: Nation Rebounding in the Post-Human Landscape by Cal Flyn. I found myself reading this thinking a lot about The World Without Us, a book I read many years ago and would kind of like to reread, and which I think I liked more than this (at least in my memory). I was hoping for more analysis than I got from this book, which was beautifully written but more nature/travel writing than science. One thing I did appreciate was the attention paid to the human cost of the "abandoned" places examined in this book - the pain that abandonment often signifies, and the trauma it indicates, in spite of the beauty that may come after.

Emperor of Rome: Ruling the Ancient Roman World by Mary Beard. I really liked the way that Beard chose to do this one - namely, taking it by theme rather than by emperor, and breaking down different areas of the emperor's life over time rather than trying to tell a linear narrative. It also let her do some of the better "skeptical" reading of sources that I've read in a popular book on ancient history, where she was actually digging into the "rather than what this says about what this person may or may not have actually done, what does it say about expectations, beliefs, and tropes that people had" kind of reading. And after some of the other popular histories of Rome I've read, thank god for that.

Metamorphoses by Ovid, trans. Stephanie McCarter. Continuing on with my "reading new translations (by women!) of classical epics" run (started with The Odyssey, The Iliad is on my list). It was fun to reread Ovid! As usual one of my favorite parts of this was reading the translator's note and introduction, and I wanted about 500% more of that through the text (tell me about the assonance you're preserving in the Latin!) but did get some of (thanks for the information on the penis/pubic hair puns!). Overall would recommend as a good translation of Ovid that very much does not flinch away from - and makes/keeps appropriately uncomfortable - the sexual assault.

Dark Rise by C.S. Pacat. Slightly more YA than I usually like, but I enjoyed it! I was a little :\ about it for a while, very much feeling the YA cliches of it all, but the late hour twist got me interested again, and I will be picking up the sequel. Did miss the full balls-to-the-wall iddy joy of Captive Prince, though, since I probably wouldn't have picked this book up without the author recognition.

Subversive Sequels in the Bible: How Biblical Stories Mine and Undermine Each Other by Judy Klitsner. I really liked this one, particularly for its commentary comparing and contrasting Eve, and the other women of Genesis, with later Biblical narratives. I don't know how much I buy all of her arguments when it comes to intentionality of all of the comparisons she's drawing, but it certainly makes interesting food for thought, and a good sampler for me of what literary-based Biblical scholarship can look like (and an indication that I'm interested in trying more of it).

Use of Weapons by Iain M. Banks. I read most of my way through this book continuing to really appreciate what Banks does with the Culture novels and planning to continue on reading the next one, but not enjoying this specific one as much as I did The Player of Games in particular, and then I got to the very end of it and went "hang on what the fuck???" but in a decidedly good way. And I'm still kind of thinking about That even though it's been a while, which I think is a positive. Anyway, I don't think I'd recommend this as a starting place for anyone to read the Culture novels, or as a must read, but it was on the upper end of a three star rating.

Juniper & Thorn by Ava Reid. I wanted this to be more gothic horror and less romance and it ended up being more romance and less gothic horror, was my feeling. Not necessarily the book's fault, but if anyone else is eyeing it wondering...now you know.

A Deadly Education by Naomi Novik. I really enjoyed this one! I was kind of skeptical going in - I'm not a big magic school person, as a rule, and the more I feel like something is hyped to me the more I tend to drag my heels about it - but Naomi Novik is really good at what she does and she clearly had a lot of fun here. It's tropey for sure, but I enjoy the narrative voice (very important, in a first person narration), and the action moves along with what I felt was pretty good momentum. The other thing I was worried about - that it'd feel too much like this was just ~commentary on/against Harry Potter~ without saying anything for itself - didn't materialize for me. I'm looking forward to reading the next ones.

The Monster Theory Reader ed. by Jeffrey Andrew Weinstock. I'm so rusty on my academic/theory reading and I felt it reading this collection, some of which was definitely better than others. Kristeva's essay on abjection was particularly rough as far as "I'm reading words and I know all the words but something about the order they're going in is just not making sense to me." Overall...it was a decent primer? There were a few very interesting essays in there; my favorite might've been the one on tanuki in modernizing Japan's folklore, but there were a couple on "monstrous" bodies that made me wish I had someone to discuss them with. That's probably my main problem reading academic works these days: I want a seminar to dissect them afterwards and I just don't have that.

The Sabbath: Its Meaning for Modern Man by Abraham Joshua Heschel. I'm trying to read something Jewish on Shabbat now and finally getting around to reading some Heschel after years of meaning to. I thought "oh, I'll start easy with something nice and short" - yeah, no, Heschel's got a very particular style of writing and there's a lot of theological depth packed into a very short volume. I'm looking forward to reading The Prophets, though.

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun vol. 5 by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou. I think we're juuuuust about caught up now with the official translation to where I started reading the machine translation, so I'm very excited for (a) things I don't remember as well (b) reading it not in machine translation. Also looking forward to everything about what happened with Nangong Liu and Nangong Xu making more sense this time around, on account of not reading it machine translated, because I didn't follow it so well on my first read and I feel like I'm already doing better. (Though that could also be because it's a reread, no matter how different an experience of one.) Still feel real bad for Ye Wangxi, on so many levels. Mark that one down for 'characters I'd love to know more about what they're thinking.'

The Water Outlaws by S.L. Huang. I really enjoyed S.L. Huang's other work with the Cas Russell series, and I liked this book a little less than those. It felt like an almost winner, for me. Certainly I read through it quickly enough, and I can say I enjoyed it, but I'm not sure I'd give it an enthusiastic recommendation. It falls somewhere in the middle between "a fun action/adventure story" and "something I can sink my teeth into" in a way that didn't quite satisfy either itch. Still, it did make me curious about the source material, which is one of the Chinese classics (Water Margin) and I might go and find a place to read that, if I can; if I'd had that background going in I wonder if my experience of this work would've been more edifying.

--

I'm currently rereading A Memory Called Empire so I can (finally) read the sequel (A Desolation Called Peace); I also checked out from the library the next two Scholomance books so I'll be reading those. I'm going to try to throw some nonfiction somewhere in there (maybe The Genius of Birds by Jennifer Ackerman, which I also have out from the library, but maybe something else), but I've still got the sequel to The First Sister sitting on my shelf (also from the library).

Outside of that I've got no big reading plans - I'm working my way through some of the unreads on my own shelf (despite what it may look like, about the library books) and eyeing The Doors of Eden by Adrian Tchaikovsky or a reread of Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett so I can continue that series.

[titusandronicusonice]

What I read in 2024

Non-Fiction

History and Class Consciousness (1923) by Georg Lukács – okay, I didn't finish this book. BUT, I'm still mentioning it because the 80-ish pages I did read were so terribly influential on me that I couldn't not include it. Considered one of the foundational texts of 'Western Marxism', the first three essays (especially the one on 'Class Consciousness') show just how dynamic historical materialism can be.

'Theses on the Philosophy of History' (1940), and 'The Author as Producer' (1934) by Walter Benjamin – I read in a John Berger piece that Benjamin wanted to compose a book made up entirely of quotations. I think about that a lot.

Marxism and Form (1971) by Fredric Jameson – Jameson's account of the aesthetic theories of Adorno, Benjamin, Marcuse, Bloch, Lukács, and Sartre, plus an extended account of what dialectical criticism is and can be. (That last chapter is an expansion of his excellent 'Metacommentary' essay which you should read right now.)

Marxist Modernism (2024) by Gillian Rose – A transcript of Rose's 1979 lectures on Frankfurt School critical theory from Lukács to Adorno by way of Benjamin, Bloch, and Brecht. The lecture format makes it far more approachable than Marxism and Form but necessarily more simplistic. Regardless, Rose does a phenomenal job contextualising every theory discussed, outlining the unifying threads that might not be evident when approaching each thinker individually.

The Transition from Feudalism to Capitalism by Rodney Hilton and others – Collecting the 1950s transition debate and complementary material. All your favourites are here: Sweezy, Dobb, Hilton, Hill, Lefebvre, Hobsbawm. I particularly loved the essay by Kohachiro Takahashi.

A Singular Modernity (2002) by Fredric Jameson – A rigorous theorisation of 'modernity' and 'modernism'. All your favourites are closet dialecticians. I devoured this in a week, so good.

Fiction

Guards! Guards! (1989) by Terry Pratchett – My second Discworld novel after having read The Colour of Magic 5 years ago. A joy to read.

Notebook of a Return to the Native Land (1939) by Aimé Césaire – A long poem tracing the coming-into-consciousness of an anti-colonial subject. Rich with history and anger. 'I would go to this land of mine and I would say to it: "Embrace me without fear ... And if all I can do is speak, it is for you I shall speak."'

Hard to Be a God (1964) by Arkady and Boris Strugatsky – Future communist spacemen observe a planet whose civilisation is stuck in its Middle Ages (or, more accurately, backsliding into quasi-fascist reaction). A favourite, feels like it was written specifically for me.

The Tombs of Atuan (1971), The Farthest Shore (1972) by Ursula K. Le Guin – The second and third books of Earthsea. Tombs was excellent, probably the high point of the trilogy, or at least the only novel I felt was truly subversive of contemporary fantasy. The Farthest Shore I very much liked, but the narrative was far more conventional, if not conservative.

Mother Courage and Her Children (1939) by Bertolt Brecht – No one does it like him. I would do anything to be able to see the 2006 Meryl Streep production.

The City and the City (2009) by China Miéville – My first Miéville. This scratched a very specific itch for me, looking forward to when I have the time to start his New Crobuzon series.

Shadow & Claw (1980, 1981) by Gene Wolfe – The first half of the Book of the New Sun. A favourite, if not the favourite.

Melville (1941) by Jean Giono – Something between an essay and novella: a fictionalised account of Melville's time in London in 1849 and his decision to write Moby-Dick. I had very high hopes coming into this but it was not very great. Too hetero.

Heart of Darkness (1899) by Joseph Conrad – I quite enjoyed reading this so I say in the most neutral way possible that this was the longest hundred pages I've ever read.

Gardens of the Moon (1999) by Steven Erikson – The first book in the Malazan Book of the Fallen series. I wanted a huge fantasy world to get invested in (googled 'books like Elden Ring') and this one stood out to me. Erikson's prose left a lot to be desired, but the worldbuilding and plot construction were great. I'll probably read one of these books a year; will provide a series overview in 2034.

Little Blue Encyclopedia (for Vivian) (2019) by Hazel Jane Plante – An elegy for a trans woman by a trans woman, told through encyclopaedia entries about her favourite (fictional) show. So much life packed into this short book.

To the Lighthouse (1927) by Virginia Woolf – A favourite. From this novel alone Woolf ranks among the best prose stylists I've read.

Bartleby, the Scrivener (1853) by Herman Melville – [edit, forgot to mention this one]

[etoilesombre]

I send you a message asking for fics about 2 weeks ago... i have since read them all and the blacksails brainrot has consumed me. Its not getting better. You were right... 'a month' is not long enough - it will be a decade of me thinking about black sails fulltime at the least.

I have read SO many good fics, honestly this fandom is blessed with great minds and great writers!! Your recommendations were excellent!! (Your fics too)

While going through the flintsilver tag I found a silverflinthamilton fic ('we can lose and call it living') and oh boy did that scratch an itch i didn't know i had!!

So now (after reading silverflint fics for like 2 weeks in all my spare time) I was wondering if you (or you followers!) know any flinthamilton fics. I don't know if that's your jam personally but I would love to read some fics about james and thomas (and possibly miranda) and how their relationship grew!! We see sooo little of it on screen!!

So if you have any recommendations once more, i would appreciate it!!

Hi! really sorry it took me so long to get to this, it has been a hectic week, I hope you see it!! Glad you enjoyed the recs, and I have rounded up some more.

I do read a lot less Flinthamilton(s), but a couple stick out in my mind, and I also crowdsourced some recommendations. I'm going to stick some other miscellaneous pairings on the end as well, in case you feel like further expanding your horizons.

Flintham recs: (most of them are postcanon rather than London era. I too would love more recs for London era.)

The Peaceable Kingdom by kvikindi (~45k words total) A Thomas-at-the-plantation novella length series that is truly beautifully written and engages with some hard, interesting ideas in meaningful ways.

The Sundering Sea by x_art (~140k words) I have not read this one but it comes highly recommended. One thing to note is that it is set post season two and was written in 2015, so BEFORE the ending had aired.

Rip Out All The Epilogues by Thatswherethelightgetsin (~60k words) An AU where both Hamiltons come to Nassau with Flint. This one has a side of Vane/Miranda which is interesting.

A Story Is True/A Story Is Untrue by FletcherHonorama (~210k words) This one is famous and well respected, it's a story told in parallel based on different possible endings, which is a really interesting concept.

Eye of the Beholder by Palebluedot (~2.6k words) Whew, some simple porn to balance out the many thoughtful novels people write for this pairing. They fuck in front of a mirror. It's hot.

5 Times Thomas and James Touched Foreheads Together by daylighthour (~12.5k words) Ok this is my favorite James/Thomas fic of all time, I think about it regularly - and it's rated g, imagine that. It's lovely, and supports my deeply held Autistic Flint headcanon.

NON-Flintham recs:

Ner Tamid by notfelix (~2.7k words) Ok this is technically Silver/Muldoon but it isn't really about that, it's a Jewish John Silver character study complete with cannibalism, oh my. It's great. For ACTUAL Silver/Muldoon I also encourage you to check out the same author's kinkmeme story Taking Care.

Marriage Is For Happy Men by QueerCrusader (~7.5k words) Flintgates, precanon. Flint has to perform a wedding, and has feelings about it. He and his quartermaster spend some quality time together after. This one is SO in character, really makes it work for me.

trust/caution by squidnapped (~5.4k) Also Flintgates. Disaster bottom Flint!! Love of my life!! Just. Just go read it. Trust me. This is one of my favorite fics of all time, also think about it regularly.

theives by ajaxthegreat (~3.7k words) Flintvane after Charles Town. This one is unfinished, but I really love how they talk to each other in it.

like real people do by thegreatblondebalrogslayer (~2k words) Vane is the one who shaves Flint's hair. No porn. You know it's good if I read it and there's no porn.

(If I may be so bold, I wrote Flintvane one time as well, here, try it you might like it)

your legs are the north star by Jaynovz (~3.6k) I can't usually do het at all but it works here. Flintmadi, taking comfort in each other when they're grieving Silver. Love the fealty dynamic, I'm weak for that.

[darklove9314-blog]

I think Nessian gets a lot of criticism and right fully so but I was wondering what is your analysis on the couple. If there’s any expectations you’re looking forward to. What are your favorite highlights of them? I miss the fandom where we could criticize the ship while also still finding them enjoyable, the fandom is divided in so many ways. What are your thoughts on the next acotar books?

Ah, Nessian, my Roman Empire when it comes to the ACOTAR series, I understand why some people might not love their ship, and while I’ve had my obvious gripes about their relationship in ACOFAS and ACOSF, I still have a special place in my heart for them. Sure I’ve written canon divergence as have a lot of the Nessian fanbase, but my biggest gripes have been about Cassian and his lack of development not only for their relationship but for him as a character overall, SJM had so much background story for Cassian to work with and to explore, but her main focus had been and will always be her female MC’s (which is fine. But I love when two characters can grow together and have nuance when it comes to their relationship.

One thing I feel like needs to improve is Cassian’s relationship with the IC vs Nesta. Yes, Cassian has defended Nesta to the Inner Circle in the past, but his obvious Achilles heel is Rhys. And while his blind loyalty to Rhys may annoy others (myself included) I would be lying if I said I couldn’t see where Cassian was coming from. He has had a relationship with Rhys for centuries, he feels indebted to Rhys for where he is at now, which is realistic when it comes to the context of their relationship. So of course he’s more inclined to take Rhys’s side more often than not. (Though I wish he would find a balance between the two eventually) in retrospect, Rhys and Cassian’s relationship is no different than Lucien and Tamlin’s/ Chaol and Dorian’s. It’s the same dynamic in a different font. One friend in a high position of power while the other friend feels indebted to them for changing their life for the better. And that’s the kind of complexity we need in books.

As for expectations when it comes to their ships, I hope SJM makes Cassian find balance between the people he cares most about in his life. As for Nesta, (I’m not sure if everyone here has read HOFAS so if you haven’t don’t read this section, but ⚠️HOFAS SPOILERS⚠️ ) HOFAS set up a side quest for her quite nicely when it came to the 8 pointed star, and Bryce giving her the starsword and telling her to find out what it means. I feel like this is a way to establish Nesta disappearing from the narrative for a while so her sister, Elain can get her own adventure/book. She’ll eventually come back and find more links between the three SJM universes, which I’m excited to see but for now I can only speculate on where that specific storyline is going. ⚠️

As for scenes I love from Nessian, ACoWAR has always been my Roman Empire when it comes to their scenes, with my favorite one being the scene where she screams his name to protect him from the blast, and of course them protecting each other from Hybern. But more recent scenes favorite less noticeable scene from them is in ACOSF when Nesta wakes up from her nightmares and he’s asleep in the chair beside her bed, and when he gives her books to read that he thinks she’ll enjoy (the inner book lover in me couldn’t help but appreciate the gesture)

As for the next ACOTAR books, there’s a lot that could happen, my next prediction is that it’ll either be a Mor novella from her time on the continent or an Elucien book (God knows they have loads of material from Lucien lineage, to Koschei, to the band of exhiles, to the problems with the Spring Court, to Beron and the conflicts he’s trying to crop up, the Tamlin stuff, Elain’s visions and agency and trying to grow as an individual, etc, etc, if Elriel is endgame I’d be surprised because of how much Elucien’s story goes together)

As for Azriel, I see a couple of storylines for him, especially when it comes to the Illyrians and a few other things we’ve learned, but there’s not enough material as of this moment for him to get a full length book.

And honestly it wouldn’t surprise me if we got a Rhys or Tamlin book as well, these two are mirror of one another and Rhys has been exhibiting the same behaviors that were betrayed as harmful for Tamlin’s so I guess we shall see when the time comes.

[goodluckclove]

Probably the Weirdest Review I'll Ever Write

I write all this under a strict Be Cool, clause. If anyone somehow finds any more details on this written work, do NOT contact the writer. I hope to god this isn't something I have to say in advance. I have to hope the people who enjoy my words and interacting with me are not also people who would like try and troll a member of my estranged biological family for the lulz. We get that's crazy, right? We get that's insane? Okay, great. Thank you.

So I imagine it would be easy for some to accuse me of Toxic Positivity. I don't often talk about art I don't like on here - aside from perhaps It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie, a cash-grab made for TV movie I tore apart on here a couple months back in an excessively passionate rage. That is not the only movie I don't like. It would actually be really funny if I liked every form of art I've ever seen aside form It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie. But unfortunately I have more depth than a pretty good short-form improv character.

If you're someone who actually interacts with me personally, either in person or online, you know I can actually be super petty and there's plenty of art that I don't like. I just don't talk about it often online, because I think there is objectively enough of that in existence and I think it's a little too easy to pull a Nostalgia Critic/Cinema Sins. I was briefly a local arts critic and since I had the ability to pick what exhibits I talked and wrote about I only focused on ones I enjoyed. The view on what a critic is has become so warped that I mainly called myself a "reviewer".

I'd like to think I'm pretty good at critiquing art. So when I stumbled upon the thesis novella of my relative, who graduated from the same Creative Writing graduate program I was aiming to enter before I dropped out, I thought it would be really fun to read it and send them my thoughts. I figured there was a chance no one in the family ever really sat down and put a lot of attention and love in expressing what they thought of it, and that might be something my relative would enjoy reading. They do not know I found this novella. They do not know I read it and finished it. I hope they never find out, because I honestly would not want them to know that I found their work so jarring that the first time I read it I had to stop after twenty pages and it sent me into a spiral for a week.

It feels important to talk about it. it's New Year's Eve, I changed my name, and I would love to start 2025 not having to think about this anymore. So yesterday I finished the novella and I have composed some thoughts.

For an attempt at anonymity, I will say this is a novella written by my cousin Goobin. I won't say the actual title, but it is along the same lines as The Sound and the Fury. If I were to describe my thoughts in a single word before truly diving into it, that word would be unpleasant. I can't give an entirely objective review because there is a certain element of this novella that is partially the reason why reading it both times really put me in a baffling headspace, but I'll relegate my subjective take as a person related to Goobin to it's own section.

Happy New Year, friends. This is a weird one.

Goobin's The Sound and the Fury is a novella of about 100 pages. It's a near-future novel that follows Manny Soares, an online music columnist living in San Francisco as it recovers from a devastating earthquake. At the start of the novel he is still acclimating to the death of his father Roberto and the way the fisherman's loss rippled across the family dynamic between Manny, his older brother Luis, and their mother Sophia. Manny is sent on assignment to Amsterdam to find the "next big thing" in music, and while overseas the grief he's held back threatens to finally come to a head.

According to the writer, The Sound and the Fury was heavily inspired by the work of William Gibson. I haven't read any Gibson, so I can't confirm or refute how well that reads in Goobin's work. I personally got more of a John Fante-adjacent style in the prose, with a touch of abstraction comparable to maybe William S. Burroughs.

This was probably the most difficult read I've had in some time, and legitimately the only reason I finished it was so I could talk about it right now in the best faith possible. I did not like this at all. The cocktail I haphazardly mixed midway through did not help. So let's talk about why.

The Base Premise Of This Does Not Work

I understand near-future to be a science fiction-adjacent genre. Even in a story as grounded as this, some suspension of disbelief is expected. To some extent I feel like I gave this story a lot of leeway. I was willing to accept, for instance, that Manny is a columnist for a music website that he claims is still able to influence culture. I got the impression it was a stand-in for Pitchfork, a website that certainly helped launch some bands in the early 2000s. At this point in time I don't think it's possible to name a website that "influences culture" aside from mass, community-based platforms like Tiktok or Youtube. But I acknowledge that was sort of the case at some point and I think it's fine for this to take place in a world where that's once again a thing that exists.

The amount of celebrity Goobin seems to think an online music columnist would have is - I mean, I was a child in the early 2000s so I guess I wouldn't know. But I am aware enough about online column-based websites from that era (Cracked, even McSweeney's to some extent) to know that they are like almost entirely freelanced. They would still have a small team of staff writers and editors, though, so having Manny be one of them is not entirely unrealistic.

Where my immersion breaks is Manny's quest to find the next big thing in music on his trip in Amsterdam. His editor Ian is convinced there will be a spike of indie presence in the Dutch music scene, but Manny isn't so sure. Manny Soares, professional music journalist who is described as being almost prophetic in his accuracy, declares his doubts by saying the Dutch music scene is all German Techno.

And, like - no? Don't get me wrong, I didn't go into this knowing anything about Dutch music vibe. But based on my understanding of Amsterdam being a pretty large city, hearing a music journalist claim the sole music of the entire populous was German Techno immediately made me think Manny wasn't a great music journalist. People talk about Dutch indie music like it's something that's right on the horizon - another claim that I was deeply confused about. And after a singular search online I confirmed that - yeah, man, Dutch indie music exits. It's existed for a while.

In fact, the musical history of the Netherlands is super interesting, and the fact that Goobin never goes into it in this novella feels like a huge missed opportunity. Because EDM and other techno variants are definitely super popular. Amsterdam has a huge rave culture. I was surprised to see that they also have a huge reggae and ska scene. One of the most successful bands in Dutch history - compared by people online to The Beatles - is Doe Maar, an 80's group with a dub/ska energy that is super fun.

Looking into other famous Dutch bands (this took virtually no effort) there's also Shocking Blue, a 60's folk-rock band that reminds me of The Zombies, prog-rock band Focus who's song "Hocus Pocus" really fucking hyped me up (PROG YODELING???), and modern symphonic metal band Epica that is still touring and releasing albums to this day. I am not remotely surprised to learn that the Netherlands has music unique to it's cultural heritage but still just as diverse and interesting as virtually any other country. I am more surprised that Manny Sores refuses to believe this and for some reasons still has a pretty exclusive, salaried writing position that is willing to pay for an international flight, as well as lodging and a per diem.

I was definitely waiting for a native in Amsterdam to furrow their brow and inform Manny that there is other music in Holland aside from EDM. That Manny's position is weirdly narrow-minded for someone who supposedly holds a high position in their industry. This never happens. Femke, the attractive Dutch illustrator, even acts as reinforcement to this odd mindset by agreeing the music scene in her own country sucks. She goes on to make an offhanded comment while telling a story about an ex-boyfriend that implies Germans as a whole don't have a sense of humor which - I mean, I have also heard that stereotype, but I just assumed it's something said by people who don't enjoy the German sense of humor. Like people who don't enjoy the British sense of humor. Humor varies by culture.

Having your German character casually throw out an implication that Germans aren't funny as if it's a common fact accepted by the world and the narrative struck an odd chord in me. It goes beyond something I can just accept as an aspect of a speculative world and crosses into a sign of the writer lacking a curiosity about their subject matter while still wanting to be seen as knowledgeable in it.

Manny is Written In A Way That Makes This Whole Novella Read Like an Isekai Anime

I have read a ton of literary fiction, and I am absolutely willing to admit that a LOT of literary fiction leads - especially early postmodernist era fiction - are men. I still enjoy the ones instead and enjoyed, usually because the male lead is still relatable to me, his story is not based entirely in Cool Guy Masculinity, he's adjacent to a non-male character I find interesting, or he's just a pathetic wet cat that managed to endear me. Manny is none of those things. Manny exhausted me midway into the first chapter and it only got worse from there.

Many is the first character I've read in over a decade that made me think the words "Mary Sue". He is described as handsome and depicted as someone who hooks up constantly with seemingly any girl he wants. He is a cool cool guy people respect and agree with. His boss calls him a "divvy" and goes on to say that means "one who divines". This might be the only case of someone calling him out, as looking up the British slang "divvy" shows that it's actually another way to say idiot. But if that's supposed to be a double entendre I'd say it doesn't work, as neither the boss nor the narrative gives any indication that the boss character Ian is lying when he gives an incorrect definition. To me it sounds more like either the writer didn't know what the slang meant, or Ian didn't know and he's lying about being British (the latter would be great since I actually didn't realize until midway through the story that Ian was meant to be British).

It can be difficult for writers to make their characters feel realized as human beings. I don't necessarily think that means showcasing your every character's flaw outright. I think it does the same job to imply faults through other tools - like interactions with other characters. This isn't possible in The Sound and the Fury, as every single character Manny interacts with is so flat I really hesitate to go into them too much. I'd be willing to make the argument that Manny Soares is more than the main character - he's the only character.

Femke is there. She's a woman. She challenges Manny, but not an actual challenge that would require him to really reconsider or expand anything meaningful about him or his perspective. There's Ian - who's personality consists of British, Editor, and that's pretty much it. There are references to Luis, Manny's brother, but they're only though memories that come across as pretty biased. Goobin wrote a preface to the thesis novella where he explained that there were certain characters - specifically an artist Femke and Manny meet near the end and an old Dutch film enthusiast, who were written not as realized characters, but as an "attempt to represent [the author's] understanding and expression of postmodern literary theory".

For the sake of my own sanity I am choosing to decide that this was, for some reason, a requirement of the thesis. I should not have to say that I think it is an inarguable truth that you should not create characters in any story solely as proof that you, the writer, understand the concepts of philosophical analysis. I actually wish I didn't read the author directly admitting this. It provides a reason for the two characters - one of which unsettled me, the other fucked right in and out in a sequence that didn't need to be there - but it also created a thousand more questions I wish I didn't have to try and wrap my head around.

Every other character other than Manny comes across as if they orbit around Manny's existence. In a surreal turn of events, the most realized characters are the ones Manny never directly interacts with. There is a depiction of Some People I Know, a band of homeless people that Manny determines is the Next Big Thing in music (I really don't want to get into how homelessness plays into this but it's a big part), as well as a sequence where Manny witnesses a cross-dresser and has a reaction I can't really parse. The only people that read like they exist when Manny is not in the area are the ones that don't get a word of dialogue. It's surreal.

I also, on a base level, don't understand why Manny Soares - a music journalist from the Bay Area of California - is the one that definitively has to determine how the music scene in a completely different country will evolve. The story never establishes him to be a person with the degree of knowledge and insight everyone else keeps insisting he has. He survives The Big Quake in San Francisco and has a revolutionary insight of the connection between new music and times of hardship and disaster. But when he explains how he saw this, it is - like - huh?

"After the quake, we didn't have power for weeks. That's why you had so much acoustic instrumentation - no place to plug in...all of these groups were mobile, dig? They'd go from block to block or different neighborhoods with their gear in these homemade rickshaws that they towed behind their backs."

So the major influence between disaster and new music, the thing that made San Francisco the supposed epicenter of all quality new music, is...a lack of electric guitars? Manny's description just sounds like street musicians, a thing that already existed in San Francisco as well as every major city. The references to a cultural shift after a major modern San Francisco earthquake is by far the most interesting part of this whole thing, but claiming the heart of it all was just the fact that it was acoustic is just so surface level it actually made me kind of angry.

Also yeah Manny will occasionally talk like a beatnik. This is near-future. No one else does it. No one points out how he does it. I would actually say it's pretty discordant to the rest of the story for the same reason that made this so difficult to read.

Every Sentence In This Novella Is Twice As Long As It Needs To Be Oh My Fucking God

"Manny had begun to suspect that, more than anything, a sense of timing could impart even the most quotidian events with sparkling moments of aesthetic clarity."

Fucking hell, why do you think like that, Manny?

Maybe this is a sign of my personal taste, but the vocabulary of nearly every line of The Sound and the Fury made the whole work such a chore to read. The issue wasn't that it was beyond my understanding - the only word I had to look up was "quotidian" from this exact line, and even then I was basically correct about the definition just based from the context it was used in. But there were countless times when the phrasing used was so unnecessarily academic that I had to stop myself from skimming sentences just to get to the parts that actually mattered.

I have no issues with a more ornate vocabulary - although I venture to say that having the person thinking all these eloquent thoughts also be a guy that talks like a chill Kerouac character is an odd choice that gets even stranger when never addressed. The issue for me is that very rarely does a lot of this language feel needed, or even useful.

I shared this with a few people in my life back when I was really flipping out over it. They all expressed variations of distaste towards the prose, but it was my kid @mercuryytheraven that put it best when they described the book seeming to be written by someone who automatically assumes they're smarter than whoever might be reading it. I totally agreed.

That perceived superiority becomes even more confusing when you take into consideration some of the points in which Manny - and perhaps the writer - are limited in their perspective to the point of misinformation. And for me, the thing that probably sent me into a panic the first time I tried to read it was when I realized this writer - despite graduating with a prestigious degree in creative writing - pulled a move in his thesis novella I found shockingly amateur.

The Subjective Part

So Goobin, the writer of The Sound and the Fury, is a member of my extended family. For the sake of this review let's say he's my cousin. I did not expect this to play a huge part in my view of the thesis. Then I got to the part where Manny describes the death of his father. The grief of this loss is the biggest theme of the novella. Manny's recounting of his father's death is, also, exactly the way Goobin's real-life dad died.

I'm talking one-to-one. Exact, accurate details, including the name of the actual hospital.

This is both not entirely wrong and also a mistake so huge it turned this entire work into something I wish was not available online. Writing what you know is great, and writing to process real traumas is super useful. If you're a writer, you should try it!

For the love of fucking god, though, if you're planning on sharing it with other people you should also change a few details. Like even just names and basic specifics. You don't have to change a lot for the people directly involved to be able to read your work and not immediately realize what event in your shared histories you're describing in explicit detail, so maybe you should go ahead and do that for the sake of your relationship with these people. Holy shit.

Did my cousin's mom have to read this? I know she and my parents went to Goobin reading aloud an excerpt with the other people in his program. I hope to god she didn't read the whole thing. I hope my cousin's mom did not read his graduate thesis, where the clear stand-in for my cousin is a child of divorce (His parents appeared lovingly married from what I've seen up until his dad died) who grew up in implied poverty (I believe he was firmly upper middle-class) as the son of a blue-collar fisherman (Goobin you're the child of a successful nurse and an even-more-successful engineer). These things are the type of fictionalization that is absolutely acceptable to pull. But when a writer mixes elements of that in their lead character, while also having that lead character share an exact memory from the writer's actual life (In a way that would be impossible not to notice if you were remotely involved with him, I can't stress this enough), it forces me to compare other elements of the story with my real-life relative.

Like the way Manny compares the moans of his girlfriend with the death rattle of his father. Or the exposed anal beads of a passing cross-dresser with the tucked kitchen towel of his mother. In another story this is worth speculation and analysis. For me to read this, absolutely certain that Manny is just a proxy for my cousin as he exposes this real pain in a very obvious way, I was viscerally uncomfortable. This felt like something that should've been shared to a therapist and not submitted as a fucking thesis. Oh my god.

Closing Thoughts

I don't want to talk about this novella anymore. If I didn't know the writer, none of my views would change. If anything, I'd be less motivated to finish it before giving my review. Knowing that this is the caliber of work submitted for a graduate program was startling.

I don't think an amount or pursuit of education is what made this novella painful to get through. I imagine the worst part of The Sound and the Fury is that I was left fairly certain that it was not written by someone who actually wanted to write a story. This reads like it was written by someone who fervently wants to be seen as a writer without any actual understanding of what the career of writer actually looks like. There is a poetry and romanticism to writing, like with any other craft or industry. But on a core level, when you do it for work it's also just a job. And when you write for work it's often a kind of shitty job.

This is what I consider to be the major failure of Goobin's work. There's a lack of understanding, a perceived unwillingness to even consider you might have more to learn because you assume you're already right. These are, to me, absolutely unsustainable qualities for any kind of artist.

Hopefully by writing this manifesto I can finally get the ghost of this experience out of my fucking head. New Year New Me. If you've ever sent me writing on here know that it is by far better than this novella. I'm fairly certain every piece of writing I've seen posted on the Writeblr tag here since I joined has been more enjoyable than this. So congrats, friends. Happy New Year.

[ddarker-dreams]

Hellooooo I have been DYING to know this from you 👉👈. You know how there's a lot of tips for writing stuff? Well do you happen to have any tips for reading stuff? I want to read the books you recommend but I fear I'm just too dumb 😭 and won't understand what is going on let alone the themes and philosophies discussed. I feel like I would be insulting Dostoevsky by reading his work looool. We were never taught this stuff in schools ;O

I'm talking about critical thinking and analysis skills, media literacy, being able to picture and visualise sceneries; characters' voices/appearances etc., and just overall being able to comprehend one sentence that doesn't use the most basic active voice structure 😭 thank you if you choose to answer!!!!

SWEET ANON !!!! YOU ARE NOT DUMB !!!!

this is coming from a survivor of the american education system, so it might not be universal, but my experiences in middle/high school made me dislike reading books. no joke. i didn't see the point and thought reading the classics was a waste of time. i'm sure that's partially teenager arrogance, but from the conversations i've had with others, reading was rarely framed in a way that stoked intrigue. we're not given the tools to engage with the text so i'm rarely surprised when i see the worst takes imaginable on a piece of media i enjoy from a 14 year old.

i'm still learning myself when it comes to media literacy, it's an ongoing journey. when i read notes from underground for the first time last year i was literally so confused. i can normally read anywhere from 80k-100k words in one day if i'm motivated enough, but NFU, a novella at around 43k words, took me over a week.

i say all this to reassure you that you're not alone!

some advice that comes to mind when reading a dense work:

do some background research on the author. i know teachers hiss at wikipedia for some reason but reading a few paragraphs about the person's life, beliefs, politics, etc really helps put their writing into perspective.

look into the time period it was written. what were the pressing social issues at the time? who was in charge? what conflicts were ongoing/just ended? what was the predominant religion? books don't exist in a vacuum, a lot of the classics are filled with jabs at ideologies the author doesn't like (i'm looking at you, dante).

if the author's from a different country than you, getting a basic grasp on the culture helps a lot. with reading dostoevsky specifically, historical events like the emancipation of the serfs was an entirely new concept to my american brain.

not everything is going to make sense. sometimes the cultural/historical layers go so deep you'd need to have been alive at the time to immediately get it. fortunately, there are nerds with degrees in book who do extensive research and can give insight. i'll think i maybe understand a book okay, go to read a journal article on it, and go ??????? wat???? page 632 paragraph 3 references euclid's optics?? how was i supposed to know that.

finally, you're not going to like every book you read, even if it's well written. there's a difference between persevering and actively torturing yourself with words. if you dread picking it up again, there are other books to check out instead. there are some classics that i don't care for much (some of edgar allen poe's short stories, the fall by albert camus, no longer human by dazai osamu, to name a few).

ask yourself questions while reading. why did this character do that? is there a reoccurring motif throughout the work, and if so, why might the author be trying to highlight that? what perspective is the work from? is the protagonist lucid, are they an unreliable narrator? what themes are being explored here?

i hope some of this helps dsfhgkdjshgks there's a lot to be said on the subject but i didn't want this post to be miles long.

[sydsydneyofficial]

You stopped making comics on itch.io, why

short answer is I've been focusing more on music lately! my main passion is to become a successful musician 😌 Also, I've gotten a job or two since then and that takes up a lot of my free time.

I really love drawing webcomics and I'd love to make more someday, but unfortunately they weren't experiencing a lot of success and required a LOT of time and effort (at least at the high level of quality I was drawing them at) and I had to make some hard choices going into adulthood to decide which of my many hobbies/passions/war crimes etc I wanted to prioritize, because I was struggling to do all of them at the same time. Comics were one of the things I decided to take a break from.

If it's any conscilation, I have written a novel recently called Qui De Foris with cool illustrations if that's up your alley ! It's about a cyborg assassin lady trying to survive on post-humanity earth, and I think I did a good job with it :>

you can find it here https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/59771/qui-de-foris

(here's the old cover!)

I also plan on writing a second short novel (novella?) soon about a gay painter ! we shall see how that goes ehe

[megalony]

Horrors To Overcome

Okay, this is my first time writing for A Quiet Place Day One with Eric (Joseph Quinn). I hope you all will like this, I am in love with the Quiet Place series and I have another idea lined up for Eric if anyone would be interested.

Please let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay @harry-satellite @midsummereve1993 @babyqueen17 @buckyyyismahhlife @sammiejane22 @mrsyixingunicorn10 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @talicat713 @niamhmbt

Main Masterlist

Summary: When the world turns to chaos and silence overrides everything, (Y/n) bumps into a familiar face and they both try to stick together to survive.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stay quiet. Don't make a sound.

(Y/n) never really realised how hard it would be until now to stay quiet. She had no idea how many things could make a noise or how loud she could be when she thought she was being quiet.

Sometimes the sound of her breathing sounded horrendous. The sound of gravel crunching beneath her shoes was so quiet it was almost non-existent. Almost. But everything had a little sound to it, like a signature written across everything and it was frightening.

What kind of a world was this going to be for those of them that were left if they couldn't make any noise?

If they couldn't listen to the sound of each other's laughter, if they couldn't hear a loved one's voice or hear them murmur how much they loved one another. If they couldn't hear funny voices or hear the most beautiful singing or the sound of a piano or a soft guitar strumming in the background.

A world without noise was going to be so bleak. But it was a price people were willing to pay for survival. For what other choice did they have? Would it really be worth it for everyone to make a sound and have their lives taken away? Have the world change so much that no other life could survive out here?

A world without noise was a frightening prospect, but it was the only one that they had left.

Both (Y/n)'s arms coiled around her chest as she tried to walk down the street. She thought about taking her shoes off, but she wasn't wearing heels and they weren't clicking against the pavement. At least not yet. And if she had to start running, it was preferable to run in shoes rather than barefoot.

She wanted to tilt her head down and stare at her feet, but she had to keep looking. She had to keep moving and she had to make sure she didn't bump into anything or kick something or trip over.

The streets looked so different. So bare and broken and bewildered. Cars were turned upside down. Small fires were dotted around the road. Craters as big as sink holes filled the ground and buildings were partially collapsed. There were even blood splatters up the side of high rise buildings.

(Y/n) hadn't seen anyone in a while. Not since everyone tried to make their way to the river.

She wanted to go home. (Y/n) wanted to go home and see if there was anything left. She wanted to feel safe and secure and be somewhere familiar. Then she could decide whether she wanted to risk making the journey to the water and travelling to somewhere unknown, somewhere unfamiliar. Somewhere with complete strangers. She had to decide whether to try and find refuge somewhere nearby or whether to risk leaving forever and finding salvation with complete strangers.

It was unusual to have to count each and every step she took and watch where she placed her feet.

On a normal day, on a day before the world turned to chaos like this, (Y/n) wouldn't look where she walked. Sure, she would glance ahead, make sure she didn't barge into anyone or step in any muck or dirt on the street. But she would never purposely count each step, never tread carefully to ensure no amount of noise echoed from her steps.

She had never been so cautious before.

It didn't feel right.

Her arms stayed deadlocked around her middle, her own way of comforting herself and giving herself so she didn't start crying. So she didn't let out one whimper and alert the creatures that she was here. She was in distress, but she was here.

Each step (Y/n) took dodged broken glass, crumbled buildings, bricks and grit. The broken buildings made it hard to find her bearings and work out where she was. She would just have to keep walking and walking until she found something familiar. Until she got home. Then tomorrow would be a new day with new decisions and choices and horrors to overcome.

A burst of water to her right made her take body freeze on the spot. The gust of water was followed by a spluttering and a cough and such deep, ragged breaths that (Y/n) felt sure that this was it.

That person had alerted the creatures that they were here. One would be climbing the walls at any moment. They would come down, screeching and stabbing their pinchers into the ground. They would wreak havoc and attack anything they heard, anything in their path.

Tears welled up in (Y/n)'s eyes and she felt the desperate need to close her eyes and wait for the inevitable, but she couldn't. Something drew her eyes to her right, something made her look.

Perhaps it was curiosity. Perhaps it was desperation. Or maybe it was the simple fact that nothing had come to kill her yet which made her look.

As soon as she looked, it felt like a fire roared to life within (Y/n)'s chest and her heart lurched up into her throat.

She moved before she could think better of it. Her feet danced across the pavement in a tap dance to avoid bricks and crumbled pieces of road and tarmac to get towards the entrance to the subway.

(Y/n) had never seen the subway look so strange as it did with water flowing from every orifice right up to the top step. She wondered where all the water was coming from. Surely there weren't enough water pipes in the subway and beneath the roads to flood it like that. Well, there had to be, but it just didn't seem real.

She stopped right before the top step, afraid to step into the water and make a splash, make a sound, a trickle of water that would alert the creatures of their existence.

Her hands waved out in front of her as a look of desperation flooded her face and her knees bent so she was level with him.

Eric.

He looked shell-shocked. his chocolate brown suit was drenched and glued to his frame like it had become a second skin. He was pushing back against the fence, stood on the second step down so his lower legs were still submerged in water.

The look in his eyes was unreadable and it made (Y/n) wonder what horrors he had seen down there in the subway. What had he witnessed? How many deaths had he seen? What had he done to claw his way back up to air, to some moderate sense of safety?

When another spluttering breath left Eric's lips, (Y/n) moved her hands again to gain his attention. He hadn't seen her yet.

The moment Eric twisted his head to the right, he jerked and cowered down against the wall as if he thought (Y/n) was one of those creatures here to end his life. The look of horror in his eyes was frightening and heartbreaking and his parted lips continued to pant as his chest rose and fell to the point it looked like his chest was going to pop.

Eric's brows furrowed slightly when he looked at her. Oh. He knew her. They worked together; at least, (Y/n) worked at the law firm where Eric was studying. Or where he had been studying. He guessed neither of them would be working there anymore.

The way she pressed her finger to her lips had his eyes narrowing again and he heaved for breath. He watched with intent concentration as (Y/n) pointed at him before she smothered her finger against her lips so much it must have hurt. And he watched what she tried to mouth across to him.

'Be quiet.'

He found himself nodding and he pressed his palm against his mouth to try and ensure that his breaths didn't make a noise and he didn't start to wheeze. He couldn't make a sound. He gathered that.

Every person who he had seen in the subway who screamed, who lashed out or slipped or slammed their feet too harshly had attracted attention. Eric found out very quickly that if he didn't move, if he stayed silent and pretended to be a statue, the creatures would move right past him.

It didn't work out so well when the subway became flooded. Eric had screamed into the water, he has gasped and choked and flung himself about. He collided into people, he pushed bodies and bag and prams and all contents of things out of his way when the water became too high and he couldn't breathe.

He scrambled, kicked, fought and pushed until he got towards the stairs and managed to swim up here. He thought he was going to drown down there. Eric didn't know what was worse. Drowning in the subway or coming up for air and being attacked up here. Neither option felt welcoming.

Once (Y/n) looked around and ensured there were no creatures within sight, she held her hand out towards Eric.

Maybe, if it had been a total stranger that came out of the water like a beacon of hope, she would have ran. She might have hurried, left them to fend for themselves because that was survival. (Y/n) couldn't help everybody and at times like these, helping people could get her killed.

But that wasn't just anybody. That was Eric. That was one of the young ones at the law firm who was just learning the tricks of the trade. The one who made a point to learn everybody's name. The guy who brought (Y/n) coffee whenever she was at work on a morning shift. He was down to Earth, he was sweet and sensitive and kind.

(Y/n) couldn't just leave him. She wouldn't run away without knowing if Eric had any sense of what was happening. If he didn't know and made a noise, he would get himself killed. (Y/n) didn't want to witness that, she didn't want that to happen to him.

Surprise flooded Eric's system when he saw (Y/n)'s hand outstretched towards him.

He couldn't stop himself from shaking when he reached out and took her hand. Hers was warm compared to how his blood was freezing in his veins. He tried to be careful, taking one step at a time towards her until he was out of the water and out of danger of making a large splash and drawing attention to either of them.

He stood still, again taken by surprise when (Y/n)'s free hand held onto his shoulder and she seemed to take a moment to check him up and down. She was making sure he wasn't hurt.

When she mouthed 'okay?' to him, Eric nodded and took the time to look over her as well. She didn't look injured, she wasn't bleeding or limping or cradling any part of her that seemed to be hurt.

Eric had a great urge to shake the dripping water off his frame, but he knew that would cause too much sound. Any sort of sound would be too much. Instead, he tightened his hand around (Y/n)'s and pointed down the street. They needed to move. He didn't care where they went, as long as they got away from here.

He took slow steps alongside her, but he couldn't focus on looking ahead when all he could do was look down at the shell shocked girl beside him. There was a faraway look in (Y/n)'s eyes and with each step she took, she seemed to move closer and closer to his side until their arms were brushing alongside each other and her free hand moved to curl around his upper arm.

His body was soaked but the cold water was refreshing when (Y/n) felt like she was overheating from all the excersion from the day's events. Staying close beside Eric made (Y/n) feel some sense of security.

It reassured her that she wasn't alone. She may have started this terrible day alone and she may have started this defense by herself, but not anymore. At least, not for a while. Being with someone felt safer than being alone. She felt like she could keep walking without her thoughts becoming too much for her to handle.

Another set of eyes, another set of ears and another mind to help hide and figure out where to go and what to do, it was helpful. It was comforting.

Both of them seemed to shudder and press together when the rain started to fall.

At first, it was little droplets. Small splatters on the floor and it made them pause their treck along the road. Rain made a sound. It made a noise when it tapped against the roof of cars and when it splashed into puddles and when it started to hammer down and fall from the trees and tap on the windows, it could become a symphony.

The creatures must know. They must have known that the rain was making that noise, that it was nothing they could harm, nothing they could kill. Because none of them came; no creatures climbed the buildings or scoured the streets and aimed towards them.

One of the announcements said they don't like water, maybe that included the rain too.

When the rain started to become heavier and the droplets felt like pins scratching against their skin and sticking to their clothes, Eric pointed to the pavement. There was a building that was clearly under construction with scaffolding and wooden boards set up. That would provide them some shelter.

When they got under the scaffolding, they both paused. Their fingers were still woven together as they hunched over near the wall.

(Y/n) took a moment to listen to the rain. It was loud. It dripped from the scaffolding and splashed into puddles on the floor and it made background noise. It made a cover for them.

"Are you okay?" (Y/n)'s voice came out barely more than a whisper and as she spoke, she could feel a lump forming in her throat. Her eyes welled over and she looked around, making sure that the rain covered the quiet sound of her words.

She could see the panic written across Eric's face. She could see the contemplation in his eyes until he realised that the rain was their protection. It would provide a blanket for their words, as long as they kept their decibels low.

"I think so. Where are you going?" Eric took the time to look around and guess where they were.

They were in mid-town. Somewhere he didn't usually go. This was somewhere he went right beneath when he travelled to and from work each day on the subway. He didn't even make it to work this morning. He had barely been on the train for five minutes before it stopped.

An emergency announcement sounded, everyone was evacuated just as the chaos started. Eric didn't get off the platform before the creatures swarmed the subway and he ended up swimming out of there.

He didn't know what to do.

Would his home still be there waiting for him? What good would it do him to go home alone? He couldn't very well go to work, anyone there would be in hiding or trying to get out and get somewhere safe. He had no idea where to go. Did he hide in a shop? At least a shop would have food and drink and shelter.

"Home, for now at least." (Y/n) cast her eyes down to her feet before she looked back up into Eric's melting chocolate eyes. "I don't- I don't have any family here, home seems the best choice right now."

(Y/n) didn't want to think about her family. What was left of her family was broken, but they were all in different states. No one was here, no one was close by and the few friends she did have would either be dead or in hiding or making their way to the water. She was alone.

A sad sort of smile formed on Eric's lips as his shoulders sagged down and his hair began to curl as the water finally faded from his hair and trickled into his clothing.

"My family are in England. I was only here to study." Eric raised his hands at his sides like he wanted to laugh or make a joke but it only made him tear up and had a lump forming in his throat.

He was in New York to study. He was here to become a lawyer, his parents had pushed for this and he wanted to make them proud. How could he do that now? How proud were they going to be of a son who was crying and walking the streets aimlessly with no idea how to help himself?

Were they even alive? Was this chaos happening back home? Was this happening all around the world or was there one country, one town or one little village that didn't have these creatures?

(Y/n) didn't have a response to that. Just looking at the sadness and uncertainty in Eric's eyes was making her want to burst into sobs right here and now. They were both alone. They were both isolated from any family or friends and they both had no destination in mind or way they could get through this.

"Can… can I come with you?" There was an air of desperation in Eric's words that made (Y/n) want to scream because this shouldn't be happening. They shouldn't be this frightened, this traumatised and upset and afraid and isolated. None of this should be happening, but it was, and they could do very little about it.

Eric didn't want to ask, part of him really didn't because it felt strange. He felt bad for asking if he could tag along with her when the world was ending. Maybe she wanted to be alone. Maybe she thought he would be a hindrance. Maybe she thought he was weak and being silly for asking.

But when she reached out and took his hand again and stepped closer to him, Eric felt his heart doing summer saults in his chest. "Of course."

He got the sense that just maybe, (Y/n) didn't want to be alone either. Maybe if they had been strangers this would have been a little more unorthadox, maybe it would have been uneasy or uncomfortable. But they were friends, they were colleagues and they spoke almost every day at work. Eric felt he knew her enough to be comfortable enough to panic and cry and be himself around her. He hoped she felt the same.

With their hands entwined, they moved back onto the road and began to trudge through the rain.

They walked in tandem, their steps and their paces matching while their hands stayed deadlocked together and their arms were glued up side by side. (Y/n) took to leaning her cheek against Eric's arm, focusing on the sound of the rain and listening out for anything else that sounded unfamiliar.

The silence was comfortable between them. They seemed to cling to each other the further they walked. They rounded a corner onto a new street that finally looked familiar and (Y/n) began pointing to the street signs to show Eric which way to go.

(Y/n) could of cried when they were finally on her street again, although it didn't much look like her street. She barely recognised the road that had been covered in craters and pot holes. The corner shop looked like it had combusted. Everything looked like the blitz, but at least the two apartment buildings on each street corner were in place.

(Y/n) took a step forward but before she stepped onto the road, she paused short when she felt Eric's hand slip from hers.

Her head turned to look beside her but Eric was no longer right beside her, he was behind her.

Both his hands clamped down on her waist and he pulled her back towards him until his chest was glued down into her back. His face hovered dangerously close to her ear and (Y/n) couldn't be sure whether he wanted to whisper something to her or if he simply wanted to breathe close to her skin to calm himself down.

His fingers were puncturing into her hips and he was trembling behind her. Had he suddenly become afraid? Did he want to go somewhere else? Had something spooked him?

As if he could hear her thoughts, Eric managed to unclamp one hand from her hip so he could point across to the building across the road on their left.

A creature.

A cold shiver ran down (Y/n)'s spine and she found herself shrinking down and pushing back into Eric. Her hand reached behind her to grip his arm and her jaw dropped but no sound escaped her mouth. She wanted to cry. Tears were welling up in her eyes and her throat was turning dry and she felt the great need to cough and splutter through a howl.

Her eyes snapped closed when Eric's hand moved from pointing out the creature and his palm clamped across her mouth. The touch wasn't forceful or smothering, but it was enough to coax (Y/n) to stay quiet.

She tried to stay deathly still, clutching at Eric's arm while she felt his head turn just a little more until his lips were touching the side of her temple. The touch was delicate, like the first flakes of snow on the grass but (Y/n) could feel how badly his lips were trembling and how he was fighting back his own sobs.

He breathed shallow and quick against her temple, almost like he was kissing her skin and his fingers were puncturing into her hip leaving bruises in his wake.

Eric kept his eyes on the creature despite how badly he wanted to close them and disappear. He wanted to curl up and wish this whole scene away. But holding onto (Y/n) was doing something to keep him grounded. It was stopping him from screaming and getting them both killed here and now.

He watched the creature, the odd block of arms and legs and a strange shaped head that could splinter apart and crack open like a walnut shell. He watched it dig its pointed claws into the building across the street. He watched as it made a horrid echoeing noise that had (Y/n) quaking in his arms and made Eric double over her like a security blanket.

The creature was moving away. It was heading in the other direction. It continued down the street until it was far away from them and just out of sight.

Once it was gone, the pair of them stayed deathly still, making sure nothing else was lurking around the corner about to become a predator.

(Y/n) dared to open her eyes when she felt Eric press his lips harder against her temple and kiss her head. She could feel the relief pouring through him into her. She felt him stop shaking and finally breathe softly against her skin.

Her hand unlatched from his arm and she shakily pointed to her building. The rain continued to beat down against them and lightning struck the skies as their beacon, their safe haven, was finally within sight.

Eric's hand stayed on her hip as they crossed the road at such a slow pace it didn't feel like they were moving at all. But going any faster in this weather felt like tempting fate far too much.

The door was open. It felt like a sign, like something welcoming them inside, like the building was promising to protect them and keep them safe.

Once inside, Eric didn't bother to shut the door, it could stay wide open like that because it meant they could come and go without fear and if anyone else needed shelter, they could hurry inside.

(Y/n) turned her head and looked up at Eric, letting tears fall freely from her eyes while she pointed down to the stairs.

"Stay this side." Her voice was barely audible, the quietest whisper she could manage, but she had to tell him.

She walked these stairs each and every day, she knew which floorboards creaked and which steps would be loud and which would be quiet. Walking on the left side of the stairs and staying close to the bannister was the safest bet as the boards didn't creak as much over here.

As not to tempt fate, (Y/n) walked on her tiptoes and she was sure Eric looked down and copied her movements. He stayed on his toes, barely setting his feet down on the floor until it felt like he was gliding on air.

It took them five minutes to climb two flights of stairs but when (Y/n) approached her door, her expression turned grave and her stomach churned.

Her bag. Her keys. Her phone. Every possession she left the apartment with was somewhere in the streets, lost in the chaos. She didn't have a spare key outside, it was too dangerous when anyone could walk in the building and try and get into her apartment.

A clap of thunder outside made her jump and she stepped to one side while she looked up at Eric.

"No keys."

Eric nodded before it seemed to sink in what she had said and his lips rolled together tightly while he looked around. He had nothing but his foot to use to get them inside the apartment.

He stepped back and nudged (Y/n) to one side and raised one leg in the air. He knew he had to kick just below the lock to make sure it broke properly.

He watched (Y/n) wave her hand out in front of him before she pointed to the window and waited. As soon as a flash of lightning struck the sky, she pointed and Eric snapped his eyes closed.

He kicked the door just as thunder tore through the air and shuddered the foundations of the building.

The door was open.

When they headed inside, (Y/n) felt brave enough to carefully twist the door handle and close it. She prayed no creatures would be inside the building. She prayed they wouldn't be nearby and being here in her home with padded walls and other apartments enclosing them in would keep them safe. She prayed they could make a small amount of noise, a few hushed words and a few movements around the flat. Hopefully they would be safe, for a while at least.

Tears were drenching her face the moment she turned around to face Eric and she took her chance before her courage dissipated.

Her arms bound around his waist and she smothered her face in his chest, glueing herself up against him to try and seek whatever comfort she could and to hold him together. Because she could see Eric looked like a puzzle that was about to fall apart.

She felt his shoulders quake and the tiniest, smallest whimper left his lips before he smothered his face in her hair and tried to breathe in her scent. He kissed the top of her head with one arm bound around her waist and the other hand cupping the back of her neck.

They held one another close as if letting go or moving back would physically tear them apart limb from limb and kill them. Neither of them wanted to let go.

"It's okay." Eric's voice was a whisper on the wind, just a little bit louder than he had been when they had been out in the rain, but it was enough. It was enough to soothe one of the many broken nerves within (Y/n) and when she felt him start to sway them from side to side, she gripped him tighter.

For now at least, it was okay. They were okay.

***

Sleep had always been something Eric thought of as peaceful. It was an escape. A way to leave the real world behind when things got too heavy; a way to drift off and get lost in an alternate world. A way to recover and rest and feel a sense of bliss that you just couldn't find in the real world.

Eric didn't see sleep in the same way anymore. He couldn't. How could sleep be something peaceful when it came with consequences and threats?

If he went to sleep, he risked everything. He risked going to sleep alone and waking up alone. He risked something happening during the night and not knowing it. Going to sleep meant letting his guard down.

What if a creature passed the building in the dead of night and Eric made a sound by mistake? And what if that mistake led to the creatures harming (Y/n)?

Eric had never had to think about making noise in his sleep. When he slept alongside someone, the only thing he worried about was if he snored while he slept- something he was adamant he had never done. He didn't consider that the covers would rustle or that he could make noise by turning over and have the bed creak or the cushions move.

He never considered before that he could make a whimper or a groan in his sleep or that such a quiet noise could be the undoing of him. Of everything around him.

He was in a frightful battle of needing to sleep so he could function but being too afraid to sleep and risk it all.

This led to a few sacred hours of sleep where he seemed to wake at least twice every hour in a panic, trying to make sure he wouldn't make a noise or do anything to alert the creatures of their existence here.

His arm reached up to cross behind his head on the arm of the sofa and his tired, dreary eyes focused on the ceiling that had been his canvas for the last half an hour or so. He imagined different scenarios, different images forming in his mind and scenes acting out while he stared up into the abyss which was actually the ceiling.

There was so little to do when he had no energy to get up but too much paranoia to settle to sleep.

"Eric?" The whispering of his name caught Eric off guard and his head lifted from the cushion so he could peer over the back of the sofa. (Y/n)'s quiet murmur of "Can't sleep either?" made his lips quirk into a gentle smile as he nodded.

At least he wasn't the only one up in the dead of night, plagued by terror.

It strained his neck to lean up like he was, but he couldn't find the will to tear his eyes away from (Y/n). He watched her, enchanted, as she padded across the carpet until she was level with the arm of the sofa that his feet were dangling over.

The first night they spent in (Y/n)'s apartment, they had both slept in the living room. Too afraid to part from each other's company, too exhausted to try and get changed or get a drink or do anything other than sit together on the sofa and drift into exhaustion.

Last night (Y/n) had tried to sleep in her room, after trying and failing to persuade Eric that he could sleep in the bed too, that she trusted him. But he hadn't been able to sleep and he saw no point lying next to her and disturbing what little sleep (Y/n) managed to get.

But she didn't want to be alone anymore. Staring at the shadows until they resembled the creatures had become too much and (Y/n) instinctively felt that Eric was awake too. She wanted some company, she wanted to forget the chaos they had found themselves in and just try to relax, for a little while. That felt doable if she was with company. If she was with Eric.

Eric moved his arm from behind his head to scratch at his eyes and clear his vision a little more. He noticed the way (Y/n) was fidgeting from foot to foot with one arm bound around her waist and the other scratching the back of her neck in a nervous habit that he recognised as something he did too.

"Can I join you?"

She didn't have to ask. This was her home and if she didn't want to be alone, Eric was never going to refuse her company.

Before Eric had the chance to try and sit up, (Y/n) moved. She took him by surprise when she softly perched down beside his hip on the edge of the sofa and when she stretched out and laid down on the very edge beside him, Eric didn't know what to do.

He suddenly forgot how to breathe, how to focus, how to process his thoughts and keep himself in order. All he could manage to do was shift his wide eyes to stare down at her. His eyes looked so dilated and blown wide that there was barely one small ring of chocolate brown surrounding those black orbs and they watched as (Y/n) shifted around next to him.

She moved carefully, doing her best not to make a sound or cause the sofa to squeak or groan beneath them. Moving slow seemed to be a new reality for them and it was starting to become a reinforced habit.

(Y/n) wasn't quite sure whether to stay lying on her back beside Eric or whether to turn and face him. She settled on turning on her right side with one arm beneath her head and her left hand softly settling on Eric's shoulder.

Those dark eyes could get him anything he wanted, (Y/n) thought, as she stared up at him in the darkness and the new sense of normality which had become silence.

Her fingers danced across his shoulder and gave a light squeeze while she shifted between looking from his eyes down to his sharp jawline that was littered in stubble. Being here with Eric felt better than being in another room, uncertain and alone and almost always terrified.

(Y/n) couldn't stop herself from gliding her hand from Eric's shoulder up his neck towards his face. she kept her movements slow, giving him time to turn his head away if he didn't want the touch, but if anything, Eric seemed to lean closer like he had been yearning for her touch all his life.

Her thumb traced the corner of his jaw and worked along the edge of his cheekbone beneath his tired yet dilated eyes.

"You need some sleep." She murmured softly and with her thumb continuing to trace beneath his eyes, Eric couldn't help but close them.

He tilted his head down, pushing into her touch as a quiet, inaudible sigh escaped his blushing red lips. Again, Eric didn't quite know what to do when (Y/n) inched closer and pressed her face against the top of his chest. She didn't seem to care about the undone buttons on his shirt pressing into her cheek or the racing of his heart or the fact that he hadn't showered in almost three days.

The feeling of his pulse softly lulling beneath his skin was soothing and being this close made (Y/n) feel at ease. It seemed to do the same for Eric because he nudged his arm across until his hand laid on her hip and he angled his head down until his nose brushed against her hair.

The slight smell of smoke and damp didn't manage to mask the smell of (Y/n)'s shampoo, that faint hint of raspberry with a silky edge to her hair that made him feel like he was burrowing down into a pillow.

Eric didn't want to go to sleep. He didn't want to become vulnerable, especially now that (Y/n) was laid here in front of him and he felt the need to keep her safe. But somehow, with her chest merged up against his own and the feeling of her lips and nose pressing against his exposed chest, it was calming. Comforting. And Eric found his mind was already shutting down without his permission for some much needed sleep.

Being cooped up together on the sofa, such a small cramped space, when they weren't supposed to make any noise might not have been such a good idea at times.

Neither of them could turn much in any direction and (Y/n) found that when she tried to turn or twist around, she felt Eric's hand clamp down on her hip, even in his sleep. He was a light sleeper, worsened by the events of the last few days. Any movement or slight noise woke him and when (Y/n) tried to turn, she felt Eric hold her hip and help her turn without making any noise. It was sweet, even in a delerious sleeping state Eric was still worrying and trying to protect them both.

(Y/n) could feel the light seeping through from the open curtains, basking across her face making her feel a warm glow all over.

One hand moved to brush across her face, again slow and tender as not to make a sound and it was suddenly hard not to yawn or stretch or groan as she woke up. Things she had done before without thinking but now they had become things she had to scold herself not to do.

It took (Y/n) a moment longer than it should have for her to work out why she felt rather constrained and uneasy.

Eric.

She had been surprised how quickly he had fallen asleep last night and how easily she herself found it to switch off and calm down for the first time in days. The pair of them had moved around quite a lot despite the small space the sofa provided.

It seemed now that Eric was making the most of their limited space. His head was softly nestled into the crook of (Y/n)'s neck and each breath he took fanned against her throat and she could feel his nose nudging against her skin. He had his right arm slung around her waist like he was ensuring that neither of them moved or made a single sound in their sleep. And his leg was cast over her thigh with his knee safely nestled between her thighs.

Raising her hand, (Y/n) slowly began to card her fingers through Eric's crimped curls that were askew and as wild as if he had been in the jungle. Her cheek nestled against his hair and her fingers rhythmically tugged and scratched at his hair and scalp. The action earned a vibration from Eric's chest that shivered through into her body but he did well to muffle the sound against her throat where he placed a delicate kiss without thinking.

"Morning."

He pressed another kiss against the hollow expanse of her throat as if returning the response in a gesture and he felt the shiver that it ensued running through (Y/n)'s system.

Eric's arm tightened around her waist and he nestled down deeper against her chest, praying he wasn't laid too heavily on her because right now, there was no where else he would rather be. He was as comfy as he'd ever been and he was calm. He was finally calm and settled and not laid in terror for every waking moment.

Somehow, it was a silent agreement between them that they wouldn't be leaving one another anytime soon. Neither of them wanted to face this world alone. The universe had clearly thrown them together for a reason, and they weren't about to oppose fate.

Maybe the world was ending outside these walls. Maybe their futures wouldn't be long or filled with happiness and pleasure. But for now, within these walls, they were in their own sense of serenity together. Just the two of them.

[lovova]

2024 Writing Recape

The year is just about over, so time to do a recap of what I've written this year!

In truth, this was a really slow year for me. My original work slowed down to a crawl and it was tough to find the time or energy to really work on the writings I wanted to. But! I still did do some, and I wanted to give myself credit for that, so here we go!

January: Wrote 'Rescuing Dumb Trailblazing Heroes', an Oumota oneshot that I rushed out to try to qualify for a zine. For being a rush job though, I still enjoy re-reading it, which is my main criteria for my own writing~

February: 'Pomegranate Kiss and' and 'A Universal Constant', two Oumota Oneshots that I believe I did for Ouumota weekend? Fun fact, Universal Constant actually got a Podfic version put out by the talented ArashiPodfics, which I'll link to at the end if this entry. It was so cool, still very honored they put in the time to do something like that: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58555561

March: I think this was when I managed to finish a VERY rushed first draft of Hanahaki Original Story, and honestly? That might be the start of me burning out this particular year with my original work. I think I just pushed myself too hard.

April: Nothing.

May: 'What Comes Next', an Oumota oneshot. I don't remember if I made this fic for an event or not or just felt like it. I like this one though, it ends with a fun premise.

June: June was Oumota Week and I always try to participate as much as I can with those, so here's the list of pieces I put out for it: 'Amore e' Caffe', 'Reset' (a personal favorite, I've reread it so many times), an update to 'I don't Gotta Worry About What's Impossible', 'The Hero, The Trickster & The Demon Prince' (This one was a monster to write, it's more of a novella than a oneshot), 'Courting Through Murder' and another update to 'How to Survive to the End of the World'.

July: Nothing.

August: Some VGCP updates. In truth I don't really know when I update VGCP, I might have done a chapter in July too, but August was my last update and I think I only managed three updates this year. I'm not sure about that, it might have been more, but VGCP is that endless story I use as a writing warm-up for my Original Works, and because my Original Works took such a huge hit this year, VGCP suffered along with them.

September: Nothing.

October: Nothing

November: Nope.

December: Doesn't look like it. Though, this month I have started copyediting VGCP in order to get back into the story and refamiliarize myself with everything that's happened so far. But for new content put out to be read by anyone? Nah.

So, that's my 2024! Yeah, it's been a pretty intense writers block for six months now and for my originals writers block for most of the year, but you know what? Seeing what I did manage to get done written out like that does make me realize I wrote more than I was giving myself credit for. And honestly, even if it hadn't done that? I was busy this year, and writing is my hobby, not a job, and sometimes you're just doing other things, and that's okay.

I hope everyone else had a good 2024, and I hope 2025 is better! See you guys in the New Year!

[alexanderwales]

The Current WIP List

Inspired by this post by @a-memory-a-distant-echo, this is a list of ongoing works-in-progress, where "in progress" I will define as "I have added at least one sentence in the last year as an indicator of actual mental load being used". This does not include worldbuilding or planning documents, which spring up like weeds. I am also including the ones that I get paid for via Patreon or publication deals or whatever.

Thresholder is my currently ongoing web serial, publishing two chapters a week (in theory ...). It's about a guy who travels between worlds and fights other people who travel between worlds, with each world being a relatively contained book. Currently about 750K words.

Doomsday Pivot! is, in theory, the follow-up to Thresholder, about a start-up that has to make a sudden change in plans when the end of the world gives everyone a character class. First book is rough draft complete but needs some responses to developmental editing, sitting at 104K words. (You can read a noncanonical first chapter here, which I had previously made public on my discord.)

Millennial Scarlet is a webcomic I write about a gig-economy demon hunter. Writing comics is awesome, mostly because I get to see my words come to life. In word count ... I'm not sure right now, but probably not all that much. In the middle of writing the fourth issue right now.

Glimwarden was a web serial that I abandoned, a black mark on my record. I intend to go back to it at some point, because it was my wife's favorite. You can read it up to the point where it was abandoned here. There are currently ~3 unreleased chapters, but most of the effort put into it has been rewriting it and bringing it up to snuff, as well as fixing some problems with it. Will get a relaunch at some point, probably, when I'm ready to commit to that. No idea on the word count.

Untitled Dance Magic story is probably a short story, currently ~5K words. It's based around a magic system where people do ballroom dance to create architecture, and is a somewhat traditional romance and/or coming of age story. I started writing it on a whim after a conversation with @etirabys at LessOnline, and hopefully they haven't started their own story, and hopefully if they have, hopefully their story doesn't overlap mine. I'll check before posting, hoping to get this one finished and out there.

Kensuke Fucks the World is an existentialist horror erotic novel, which I describe as being "like the Erogamer, but sad". Currently 75K words, and might never see the light of day. I think I can wrap it up in another 25K words, but I think it needs a lot of work.

Long Stairs will probably be novella length in its finished form, and will probably not be finished. It's an old story, which predates Worth the Candle by a few months, and is about a military fireteam making a routine delve into an endless shifting dungeon that the US military has already pulled a lot of magic out of. Medics with clerical healing, wands and firearms, high fantasy and military. There's unfortunately some stuff in there that I cannibalized for WtC that needs to be changed so it's not a repeat, but nothing structural, and there are a lot of plot beats that I enjoy in both the 15K words that are already written and what's in the notes. I did not put a bunch of work into this one, but it was one of those cases where I was reading through old stuff and got enough of a head of steam that it latched onto me again. (I also don't know enough about the military or how to write that kind of stuff, which is one of the reasons that this fic never got my full attention.)

The Lot is a story that's basically just "the backrooms, but with cars". It think it was inspired by a tumblr post, but probably won't be finished, since it's probably novella length. Currently 9K words, more a character study than it is about people stuck in an infinite parking lot and scrounging off what they can find in glove compartments.

Kitchen Sink is a bureauporn/bureaupunk novel about the agency created to deal with the rise of mutants circa 1977. Currently a mere 9K words, but the plan was for each successive part of the book to focus on another genre being discovered by the department, so you'd get a book with wizards, with vampires, with aliens, etc., mostly with a focus on how these are handled on an administrative level. No way I would ever be able to sell it, unfortunately.

Robot Team Isekai (not its real title) is about a van full of kids on their way to a robotics team meet that get transported to another world where their individual specialties grant them awesome abilities in a "your hyperfixation makes you perfectly adapted to the fantasy world" kind of way, but for five people with different hyperfixations. 2K words, probably will never see the light of day.

Full Meta vol. 2 is a novel about a group of high school students who get metafiction powers, so like ... one girl gets the ability to read the text of the novel they're in whenever someone is engaging in exposition, one guy can read the flashbacks, someone can read all the romance scenes or whatever, and they have a dysfunctional time dealing with each other through college and into adulthood. I fully recognize that calling it "Full Meta vol. 2" when no first volume exists is a gimmick title and would be confusing enough to immediately turn people away.

Dark Wizard of Donkerk was an old NaNo novel, but got halfway dev edited before my dev editor on that one flaked. I think it's a good story, just a matter of getting into the guts of it and making it great, but that takes time. 173K words, but this is old old. If you like rough, unpolished creative output, you can read it on my website.

Untitled Hermione/Draco fanfic is, uh ... I guess according to the logs was something that I put effort into in late 2023. I have read vanishingly little HP fanfic, and I'm sure there's a ton of this stuff, and that some of it is even good. This one doesn't adhere too much to canon or fanon, and is mostly about trying to write a realistic racist who falls in love with someone he's racist against. 14K words, I cannot believe I added anything to this recently, but apparently I have.

Technically by the criteria set out, I should count all seven of the NaNo test chapters I wrote. Of those, the only ones that have retained any brain space are "The Inevitable Return of Nathaniel Greene" and "Dungeon Core".

There are a few more that are technically outside the arbitrary time limit of one year, but I'm going to include them because I have thought about them in the last year (and will not include the ones that I have not thought about).

Of Witches and Wizards is what I thought was a romance but was told does not fit the apparently pretty exacting mold of a "romance novel". It's about a widowed witch whose two sons have left for college and a wizard who travels the world writing about places for a travel guide. They fall in love. Tons of worldbuilding stuff as they visit different cities and see the breadth and beauty of magic in the world. 15K words right now, was going to be a nice and slender novel.

Eager Readers in Your Area was a short story I wrote a year and a half ago. The WIP is a novel-length version of that about ... art, artists, AI art, dealing with people online, and a bunch of other stuff. I wrote an outline I thought was quite good, but if the short story is the first chapter, then I want an equally good and tight second chapter, and that's hard to do.

Slaver Slayer (not final title) was about a slave who assassinates a high-ranking member of the kingdom and through an oversight gets a magical artifact that might possibly let her kill her way through the monarchy in an attempt to end the institution of slavery. The other protagonist is a detective who's grappling with his complicity in the system and is trying to stop her. Made it to 13K words. Another one of those that was outlined to be a nice tight novel.

[mcsquared789]

BIG UPDATE FOR FEBRUARY!

Just a few hours ago, I put on the finishing touches for Iron Man: War Machine and completed it. LET’S GOOOOOOO!!!!

With that, the fic is done! Unfortunately, it took longer than I expected to finish it… so that means when it comes to the slate going forward, I am going to have to shift things a bit. But this timeframe between now and March gives me a lot of breathing room to change how I write. This is also taking into consideration that I now have to return to college pretty soon after a long break, so I must warn you going forward: I’m going to have less time to work on this stuff.

That’s not gonna stop me, though! 🤪

Here’s the deal for what will happen the next few months:

I am going to write (and post!) the next one-shot starring Phil Coulson: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Thor’s Hammer. That will be in the last week of February, and will close out the month — because after this, I will be working on

Widowmaker (at last). I have finished outlining and am ready to write this novella… a very new process for me, because I have little to no reference in the MCU to pull from. I will be flying blind, and that both excites and terrifies me. So I hope above all that I am clever with my characterisations of Black Widow and Hawkeye!

And Thor. Yep! I am to be working on both the novella and this main fic at the same time, so I can start getting a head start between what I write and when I post.

That leads me to the posting schedule — right now, the goal is to publish Widowmaker throughout March once I’ve written enough of it, and write chapters of Thor around the same time. Once Widowmaker is completed on AO3, I will then begin posting Thor… and hopefully by then, be well into that fic.

That’s the plan, everyone. This way, I both become more efficient and able to give you something whenever I am held up by assignments and whatnot… but of course, in the case I can’t deliver, I will update you to let you know. If there is a time where that may happen from now until June, I’d reckon it be around the end of May… but we’ll have to wait and see.

Thank you for reading this everyone! I hope you all enjoy the end of War Machine! 🤗

[jasper-book-stash]

October 2024 Reading Wrap-Up

The eight books of this month really made me experience the whole span of human emotion. And maybe a couple of the shrimp ones.

Religious Text

None applicable.

1/10 - Why Did They Publish This?

None applicable (thank the gods).

2/10 - Trash

Pure Magic: A Complete Course In Spellcasting | Judika Illes

The amount of times I screeched about citing sources or admitting that the author has none...I didn't get too far. The author was wholeass pulling things out of her ass. This is the epitome of bullshit "feminist" pseudohistory. I couldn't even get to the parts about occultism because the bullshit made me throw the book.

(Side note, I don't think it's very "feminist" to depict women of the past as having a beautiful matriarchal society and then having that taken over by men... Like girl, you are actively shitting upon those who came before you! You are downplaying their struggles and lying!!!)

3/10 - Meh

Horses And The Mystical Path: The Celtic Way Of Expanding The Human Soul | Adele Von Rust Mccormick, Ph.D., Marlena Deborah Mccormick, Ph.D., Thomas E Mccormick, M.D.

Here's the thing. Except for the emphasis on combining a whole bunch of cultures together as Celtic, this was just...not the book for me. I'm not Christian, I'm not struggling with finding my faith in any way, and while I like horses I don't care much for the approach. It was just...boring to me.

4 to 6/10 - Mid-Tier

The Husbands | Holly Gramazio

This was a decent book. It's about a husband-producing attic, and the main female character trying to find out what's going on. But it was very difficult to keep up with all of the characters (because their details often changed with each husband) and the female character got to the point where she was just regularly speedrunning husband options. It feels like this was a little too long for what it was. I probably would have enjoyed it more if it was a novella instead of a novel. But hey, it was a debut novel, and we always love to see more authors coming up and out.

7 to 8/10 - Good With Caveats

Mead Mishaps 2 and 3: That Time I Got Drunk And Yeeted A Love Potion At A Werewolf & That Time I Got Drunk And Saved A Human | Kimberly Lemming

I read and enjoyed book one in September, and book two was just as good and fun, with a mystery incel cult going on. Book three was a little less enjoyable than the first, because it felt like it was setting up for things that never came through, and there's only so much new stuff you can tread with the same approach of "male dragon and [redacted for spoilers] human woman". But it was still stupid and fun and very, very horny. And these ones put content warnings in the beginning, which is very nice!

Mothman: Behind The Red Eyes…The Complete Investigative Library | Jeff Wamsley

My overall feelings about this book is that it's fine, the author's interviewing skills suck shit. There are a lot of newspaper clippings and some of the formatting makes me want to chew rocks, but it's otherwise pretty good. We take a very interesting detour into aliens and the Men in Black. It's also important to note that this is apparently the second Mothman book he's written and he repeatedly references the first one, which I do not have, but it also kinda stands on its own.

It's funny because I did not buy this book. My stepdad's coworker heard my stepdad talking about hopes to eventually go to West Virginia to see the Mothman statue and just. Had the book. And gave it to my stepdad.

Honestly, what a fitting way to acquire such a book.

9/10 - Very Very Good

Providence Girls: A Sapphic Horror Romance | Morgan Dante

This book made me want to chew a hole through sheetrock. That is a compliment. DEFINITELY mind the content warnings. Spoilers coming up, but the spoilers aren't actually that surprising when you remember that this is a Lovecraftian lesbian romance.

So the framing of it is that it's letters between Lavinia Whateley and Asenath Waite. Lavinia escapes being sacrificed in Dunwich and runs until she winds up in East Providence, where Asenath finds her and takes her in. Asenath is slowly turning into a fish person because she's from the mess going on in Arkham and they live together and it's simultaneously an analysis of Lovecraftian horror, living in the 1930s, and sapphic romance. They're so freaking cute.

Lavinia's letters are framed as being post-Azzie's fishification while Azzie's are from before that, but the letters alternate to create a linear narrative despite this non-linear framing.

10/10 - Unironically Recommend To Everyone

Doing Justice: A Prosecutor's Thoughts On Crime, Punishment, And The Rule Of Law | Preet Bharara

If you've been paying attention to the most recent posts on this blog, you're not going to be surprised that I've been going insane over this book. Narrative nonfiction wasn't one that I thought I would enjoy, but now I know that I do. There was only one part that I had to skip, personally, because of the details discussed...but honestly, it was so good. I look forward to reading more of what this author writes.