#i hope this wasn't rude but i'm sure there are parts that are snippy

[parfaitblogs]

i NEED a angst fic (with a happy ending ofc) based on tolerate it by taylor swift please 🙏 big chance it’s been done before though and im just the most unoriginal bitch ever

tolerate it ❀ s. reid x reader

in which spencer reid gets out of prison, and you baselessly feel like your relationship is growing increasingly one sided.  pairing: spencer reid x reader genre: angst tags: post prison reid. neglectful bf spencer reid. happy (open) ending. communication yippee. themes of self doubt in reader. mentions of spencer not eating.  word count: 2k a/n: writers block isn't real you just need to watch criminal minds season 12 episode 13 'spencer' and then listen to tolerate it on repeat for three hours straight. iiii know human beings don't talk in long monologued speeches but for the sake of my sanity let us pretend i am shakespeare and spencer reid is my leontes. plzzzz tell me if u liked this or if u didn't yay thank u ily

i sit and watch you. i notice everything you do, or don't do. (lines 3–4)

A fork scrapes against ceramic. It emits a scratching sound that hurts your ears, and you're cringing from your curled up position on the couch as you hear it. Silverware shines beneath the bright, warm glow of his kitchen light, his food barely dented as he pushes it around his plate. 

He's been playing with it since he sat down to eat it. 

You're not too sure what's going through his head as he takes barely there bites of a meal you cooked. You don't think you want to know. But it takes him all of twenty three minutes to come to the same conclusion he made last night, and every other night before that. That he isn't going to eat any more of the food, and just like his fork, his chair scrapes against the floor as he stands. 

He wraps the plate in aluminium foil, the crinkling of metal being your only indicator that he has plans to eat it later. At least, that's what you hope. 

When he disappears into the bedroom, you follow him. Like a lovesick puppy, you're trailing after him, and your chest feels hollow with how embarrassing it all is. 

He doesn't know you're watching him, though. 

At least, not to the extent you are. He's field trained enough to know that you're keeping an eye on him, but your silence is only indicative of you giving him the space he so politely asked for three days ago. He's not in his right mind to assume you're silent for any other reason, and you've battled to a loss with the thoughts of letting him into your disaster of a brain. 

He doesn't need to know that.

The ensuite door shuts behind him, and you hear the water turn on minutes later. You take the cue to curl up on your side of the bed, your fingers toying with the paper edges of a book you now had in your lap. The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, for you were rediscovering your love for children's novels amongst this trying time between you and Spencer. 

"Hey, did you buy me more shampoo?"

Your head lifts at the voice, the snowy Narnia world you had built in your brain shattering in an instant, as you're met with the dull colours of Spencer Reid's bedroom, and a showered and dressed Spencer Reid standing only a few feet away. His bedroom hadn't always been dull. Really, nothing had actually changed artistically within it to make it dull. But there's something about no longer laughing in a room once filled with so much love that mutes its vibrance. 

"Yeah," you say, dog-earing the page you were on and slipping it onto the nightstand. "I saw you were running low."

His lips part as he exhales, and you hate that you can tell he's pushing away something snippy. It wasn't that he was actively trying to start fights with you, but his temper has grown short, and he has more anger in his heart than before. 

"You didn't get the right one, that's all."

And though it isn't said rudely, your chest opens up like a black hole regardless, and a thick ball of emotion lodges in your throat.

"I'm sorry," you force past your lips, despising the hollow sound of your sad voice, and the fact that he notices it. His eyebrows frown towards each other at the sound of you, and he takes a step towards the bed.

It's pathetic, right? To be this upset over him letting you know the thing you bought him wasn't correct. In that almost fake sounding soft, kind voice he has when he is trying to keep his unnecessary frustration at bay. 

But it wasn't like this was the first time you'd done something for him in recent, and been told you did it wrong, instead of simply being thanked. Acts of service he was finding problems within no matter what they were, each new critique chipping away at the scales of your self confidence. You don't even think he's meaning to do it.

Every time this happens, memories of the other times flash violently in your head, reminding you that he could not find the beauty of being cared for by you the way he had before this. This, this thing you were barely even able to string the letters of together, because it seemed so foreign and faraway to you. Spencer Reid in prison is not a sentence that makes sense in this — or any other — timeline. You don't think it ever will. And yet.

You'd cooked him meals every single day since he got out. Meals he'd barely ever touch, wrap in foil, then put in the fridge for his work lunch the next day. You don't know if he's even eating them at work, or if he's just taking them there to throw them out. You've been too scared to reach out to any of his team members to ask. Knowledge is power, but knowledge makes his negligence all too real. 

There's a fear in calling it negligence. It isn't fair of you to expect the same man before and after prison, and you know he's dealing with more than you can fathom. You were prepared for distance. 

Just not this much.

The submerged sound of your name tugs you from your thoughts, and suddenly Spencer is closer than he was before, and he's repeating your name over and over in calling. Once you rapidly blink and shake your head, he determines you've returned to Earth, and he's falling silent again. There's concern knitting his eyebrows together, and he's got his hands hovering in the air, as if he's reaching for you, but second guessing himself at the same time. 

"Whats going on in your brain?" he asks you after a few beats of the two of you just staring at each other. 

Like a dam breaking, his question triggers an onslaught of emotions, and every fear and insecurity you've had inside you spills out.

"I feel like you suddenly hate me," your eyes rapidly search the duvet in front of you for your words. "Or—or I annoy you with my presence? Or my care? I mean, I try to do things for you and you barely even spare them a second glance, or thought. You barely talk to me anymore outside of updating me on your schedule. We sleep with miles of distance between us," you gesture to the bed beside you. "I cook you meals you don't eat, I wash your clothes you don't fold. Both of which are things that I'm fine with, because I can't imagine how skewed your appetite is, and I—I know laundry is a trigger now. But there is not even a slight hint of you—you being thankful. You know, appreciative. I feel like I'm following you around like a servant, and I'm doing things with no gratitude in return. I'm doing things I shouldn't have to, because I'm your girlfriend. Not your maid. But they are things that I want to do, because I care for you, and I love you," you pause, a self deprecating smile appearing on your face. "And—and you haven't even told me you love me since the day we got you home. Do you even love me, still? No, don't answer that. I don't think I want to know. I mean, I do. I don't know. God, Spencer, can you say something?"

He doesn't. For a long while, he stares at you, and you train your eyes on the pattern on the bedding you're currently sitting under. His gaze is pulverising, and every second that passes is another limb turning to dust beneath it. His silence should be enough of an answer for you. Yet, you hold onto groundless hope still.

It feels like eternity has passed you by, by the time you hear his voice again.

"I don't mean to make you think I don't love you," he says. "I do love you. Which feels meaningless to confess to you now, knowing how you feel, and I wish my expansive knowledge of words could come up with a confession that does justice to how you feel, but also makes you feel better. I can only hope you take it at face value, and don't assume I'm saying it because it's what you want me to say." 

He finds a seat on the bed in front of you, fingers fidgeting with each other as he fixates on the wooden flooring in front of him. 

"I am grateful for everything you've done for me recently. I'm sorry I haven't expressed that. I'm having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other, let alone stringing together sensical thoughts. I wish I could tell you what my mind sounds like without feeling guilty about it. It isn't nice, and every thought I have is far from positive," he lifts his eyes to you, and you watch in real time as they soften, for the first time since he came home. "I will tell you that there's you. Among every awful thought and feeling I have, there is you. I think I... I think I've been coming across as ungrateful because you are a breath of relief after every bad thought and feeling. Am I making sense?" you nod your head, and he sighs in, namely, relief. "I take a step back from processing my emotions and figuring out how I'm going to talk about them with that bureau therapist when I think about you, because you are the one good thing I have to hold on to. So I just bask in the thought of you, or the sight of you, and focus on nothing else."

You aren't sure when you began to cry, and you only realise it when you have to sniffle before speaking. "You can focus on so many things at once, though." 

"Not anymore," he admits, looking back down. "I don't know what's happened. I've gone from having a brain that works inhumanly — which is objectively an incorrect statement, but I digress — to one that cannot multitask on two separate things at once." 

"Oh," you whisper. "I see."

"I'm so sorry I've made you feel as though your efforts go unnoticed, honey," he murmurs. "They don't. This has just been really difficult."

"I know," you say, wiping your tear stained face with the back of your hand. 

There's a part of you that wants this to be the end of it. The end of self doubt, and distance, and instead the beginning of your relationship rebuilding itself alongside Spencer. 

There's a larger, more logical part of you, that knows you cannot just sweep every self conscious doubt under the rug and move on. 

"I just want some time," you tell him, and his shoulders tense as you speak. "Not to—not to break up. Or even for us to have a break. I don't want that. I've just felt very... unloved. Like you're merely tolerating my presence in your life. And now, I know you aren't. But I have to find my confidence in myself in this relationship again before I can move on."

"Okay," his voice is strained as he speaks, and you know he's not exactly content with your request for space.

You try not to focus on that, in order to stand firm in your decision. 

That is where the conversation ends. And just like every other night, he climbs into bed and leaves a considerable amount of distance between your two bodies. You choose not to dwell on it, because this is now him giving you the space you so politely requested. You were catastrophising, and you'd be damned if you let such a thing control your life any longer. 

It maybe wasn't all in your head, but you still had to take the self doubt shaped dagger from your stomach out.

now i'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life. (line 30)

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡

[bisexualdawnsummers]

I saw somewhere that one of the reasons why people hated Michael is because he's too whiny and rude towards Justin. But imagine being in his shoes, tho. As someone who has a best friend I'm willing to ride or die for, I also think anyone will never be good for my best friend and I'm always suspicious towards anybody lol. Because I knew how hard they've worked, how much they suffered and how long of a journey it was for them to get this level of somewhat peace in their life. If anyone is ever trying to give them more stress in any way, I'm suddenly so pissed lol. For people who doesnt get it, Michael could definetely could come across as "posessive" & "overthinking" (the whole narrative of "He wanna fuck Brian so bad its pathetic" doesnt help either, which makes me roll eyes so bad because from time to time, it's mostly Brian that inniciate their physical contacts first so) but you can't help but always looking out for this particular one person that makes your life worth living, when you know they can be reckless like Brian especially. Especially with how escalated Justin's family life situation is after he met Brian. Through Michael's lense, Justin is a stranger with baggages that he doesn't want Brian to carry since he knew and understand Brian already has a lot in his plate. Guaranteed, I can't all justify every thing that Michael said and did in regards to Justin and I'm ok with that (part of liking Michael is to accept that he just makes human mistakes as a grumpy 30 years old gay Italian man lol), but the hatred that he receive literally degrade his existence into just "Another pathetic best friend that's in love with the main character" is just sad to see.

Yeah, I've always thought the idea of Michael being a big old meanie to poor little Justin as a bit overblown. Could Michael be snippy with him? Sure. And he occasionally went too far with some of his words, but his tendency to speak before thinking is one of his character flaws, and should hardly detract from his better qualities.

What a lot of people like to overlook/ignore is the fact that Michael was actually one of the first characters that tried to look out for Justin in a way. I think it's like ep. 2 where Justin comes looking for Brian again and when Brian ducks out on him, Ted and Emmett say that Justin is Brian's problem not theirs. Michael is the only one to act like a responsible adult and not let this teenage kid wander around on his own. He takes him to the diner and makes sure he has a ride home. Of course, it doesn't end very well when Michael tries to warn Justin off Brian. Justin is bratty to Michael in that moment. And Michael does come off jealous and a bit whiny, but I think in some way he was trying to look out for Justin. I don't think he was entirely selfishly motivated. He's probably witnessed Brian break countless hearts over the years, and was trying to save Justin a bit of grief by telling him the truth. He wasn't lying when he told Justin he wasn't Brian's boyfriend. Brian doesn't do boyfriends, he barely does repeats.

Also, I can see how Michael, or anyone in his situation would be annoyed by Justin's sudden and inescapable presence. Imagine being someone close to 30, and one of your friends sleeps with a teenager, and then that teenager shows up at your mother's house. The kid is not only stalking your friend but everyone in his life in hopes of getting closer to him. Anyone would feel a bit overprotective, and a lot frustrated.

And yeah, a lot of people like to downplay Michael's importance in Brian's life, reducing him to the guy with the hopelessly unrequited crush on his friend. But their relationship is so much deeper and more important than that (whether romantic or platonic). imo, if someone doesn't understand Michael's place in Brian's heart, then they just don't understand Brian.

[haleigh-sloth]

Idk how to interpret Tenko/Tomura because I feel like it's being left ambiguous on purpose (it's also something he's confused about!) I think even if they changed Shigaraki's severe repression and dissociation into full blown DID... Tomura still needs to be saved! Like, based on vestige Tenko only having the eye scar that means if the DID interpretation is true, Tomura would have "split" during the incident and either way would have been the one dealing w/ AfO's manipulation and abuse.

Sigh..."Tomura still needs to be saved!"

Yes. Saving Tenko means saving Tomura. They're the same person. One does not exist without the other. I'm a little exhausted of that take honestly.

THEY. ARE. THE. SAME.

It's really not that ambiguous. Honestly. I've pointed out a multitude of times that the "inner child" is used a LOT in BNHA.

Boku no Baby Academia.

I have talked about how to interpret it quite a few times (Here, here, and here). You're welcome to give those a read. Here are a couple of other explanations NOT by me, but pretty much align with what I've been saying, and delve into much more detail on this "inner child" trope, which is undeniably what this is (Here and Here).

I'm trying to give you options anon, because the way you're approaching it is, imo, not going to get you anywhere or land you on any conclusion you like. You're coming at this as if Tomura is going to be left behind in the dust and not saved. (And I'll touch on the DID stuff at the end because that's not a good way to come at this either). And I will reiterate what I said here, in another post explaining the Tenko/Tomura situation: Does saving Touya mean leaving Dabi in the dust to rot? No. Yet, I don't see people saying that about him? Yet he also gets the "hurt inner child" symbolism used for him as well, but for some reason this take doesn't apply to him. It shouldn't! But it shouldn't apply to Tenko either.

I'm not trying to tell you what to interpret it as, do what you want, I can't stop you. But honestly there really isn't a lot of room LEFT for open interpretation. It's pretty obvious what Tenko/Tomura is. Tenko is symbolic of the entire person's being. He is who he is.

It's as simple as this: The reason the entire person, Tomura Shigaraki/Tenko Shimura, was not FULLY absorbed by AFO, is simply because the ENTIRE person is not completely full of hatred and rage. That tiny part of his mind/heart/soul however you wanna classify all of this, is being symbolized by Tenko. Because Tenko was the identity this person was born with, and represents the part of this person's life before AFO gaslit him into believing that he was this destruction incarnate and had no hope for a happy life, because, well, destruction incarnate who destroys everything he touches--including people he cares about (his family), as well as any chance he will ever have of being saved (destroying society). That's what Tomura/Tenko believes about himself, and until that belief is washed away through an outside influence, he can't be saved at all.

Now for your take on DID. I have a couple of issues with it but let's start with this:

"I think even if they changed Shigaraki's severe repression and dissociation into full blown DID... Tomura still needs to be saved! Like, based on vestige Tenko only having the eye scar that means if the DID interpretation is true, Tomura would have "split" during the incident and either way would have been the one dealing w/ AfO's manipulation and abuse."

I have a problem with this. This is implying that one part of Shigaraki is experiencing the abuse while the other is not. That is not even applicable to irl DID. When a person experiences trauma, it affects all aspects of a person. This sounds like you're saying there are two brains within this person and while one brain is taking a nap, the other is dealing with the abuse. One brain, one person, one experience.

The very fact that Tenko is being used to symbolize Shigaraki's heart is pretty clear cut proof showing that this isn't freaking DID lol. Tenko remains unaffected and continues to represent the part of Shigaraki that isn't full of hate, hence keeping him from fully disappearing into AFO, leaving there leeway for someone to pull the entire person OUT of this possession. If this were going to be a clinical representation of this disorder, one part of Shigaraki would not be shown to remain unaffected. The shut away identity in a person with DID IS affected, that part adjusts to the trauma just like the part of them that is front and center. It just doesn't work that way where one gets off scot free and the other takes the brunt.

This is the second issue that follows up on that--don't assign diagnostic labels and then interpret canon through that lens. Do not. You will not find answers, because this isn't a clinical study nor a clinical representation. Headcanons are fine and projecting is fine! Absolutely, project away. It's how we cope. But trying to analyze the material as if it were canon, when it's honestly not, is not going to land you anywhere. I will hand it over to Horikoshi for displaying mental illness and trauma really well through his characters, and especially familial trauma and the effects it leaves on the family members (Todorokis and Shimuras), but I'm not going to assume he's got an open DSM-V on his drawing desk.

Here's the other thing--this "split" has not been an ongoing obstacle for Shigaraki. This "split" hasn't been a part of his character's struggles with his identity and who he really is. That struggle lied with uncovering his memories, and that already happened. When he recovered his memories, he just recovered them. And then spiraled even more. He adjusted to the "new" information and kept going. He hasn't been dealing with a "split" the entire story, as if to show that he is dealing with a separate part of himself that he is fighting to bring out, or keep at bay. The "split" in identities only became a thing at ALL when the literal possession started happening. And there are LITERALLY TWO PEOPLE INSIDE. So again, yet another reason this is just...not a representation of DID. It's just not. Of course there are aspects of it there--absolutely. But those little aspects ONLY started manifesting when literally more than one whole person was occupying a body. During the war arc you see Shigaraki reflect on his memories multiple times, but he doesn't revert back to his 5 year old self.

5 year old Tenko is a representation--nothing more. There isn't a literal 5 year old sitting in the vestige with a physical body waiting to be pulled out. He just represents the very fact that he can still be saved from AFO, and saved from himself. It shows that there is a part of him that knows he isn't good for nothing but destruction, knows he didn't legit murder his family, knows he didn't want them to die, knows he wasn't born to just kill. Those beliefs are there buried deep down, they just need to be validated. Pulled out from the bottom of the ocean that is AFO's gaslighting and psychological torment inflicted on him.

So not to be rude, really, but I'm going to have to kindly reject your interpretation.

I genuinely don't know why people are looking for a way to explain away Tenko though? The reason is pretty clear and simple for why he's there. Why do people keep looking for ways to try to make it make sense that "saving Tenko means leaving Tomura behind?" Why, honestly I'm at a loss.

The only people I see who don't like the Tenko situation are the people who don't want the villains saved at all, and the people who want this fanon version of Shigaraki that doesn't exist so they can see him, like fight AFO off and take back his agency (that he never had to begin with honestly) and just carry the League off bridal style into the sunset. Idk tbh but the attempts at making the Tenko symbolism out to be this negative force in Shigaraki's arc are exhausting to read.

Not saying anon is doing that but....tbh idk why there are so many attempts at explaining Tenko away to be something he's not. He's not taking Tomura away from us either. Yeah idk where that comes from but it's a take floating around out there.

I'm fairly certain that we will see more 5 year old Tenko, and 5 year old Izuku, since we've seen them both on screen together already:

So I'm hoping that maybe all of this "Tomura won't be saved if Tenko is the one who is saved" bullshit dissipates when we finally follow up on this lol.