#i hope this makes sense i'm procrastinating homework

[onemore2morrow]

okay not to ramble but in 2017 there were rumors about an all-female "Lord of the Flies" remake and the public LOST THEIR MINDS. (Although clearly, that never happened). The two biggest critiques being:

Hollywood is going too woke and this will be SJW propoganda (mostly from the alt right and filmbros)

Having an all-female Lord of the Flies misses the point of the book (mostly from film critics and a few feminists).

Both arguments held one universal truth: if girls (or women) were in a Lord of the Flies-esque situation, girls (or women) would be "too civilized" or "too smart" to revert back to the uncivilized violence seen in the original 1954 novel.

Although I think this argument is sometimes made in good faith (hell, if you'd have asked me my opinion on this in 2017, I'd probably have agreed with it), I think that this argument actually ends up dehumanizing girls MORE. Because it isn't a nuanced or intersectional argument. It completely ignores the idea that the reason why girls are like that is because they are conditioned to be. And it avoids addressing the obvious: girls are still viscous and violent when they feel they need to be. Their actions just manifest in different ways.

(Yellowjackets connection below)

I remember being told in some developmental psychology class that school teachers are taught to handle school fights differently depending on the gender of the students involved. If two boys are in a physical fight, the teachers are told to get them to break eye contact. If you can physically place yourself in between the boys and get them to break eye contact, they'll usually back down. But with two girls, you have to completely separate them. That means potentially dragging them apart, and taking one girl to an entirely separate room. Because they will. not. stop. fighting. Even if you think it's over, it isn't.

I don't know how backed by research this is, or if it was just some pseudoscience myth. But I think it's interesting to think about. And I think it's interesting that in fictional media, we often deny women the capability of being violent. To be violent as a woman or a girl is to be an anomaly. We are meant to be empathetic caregivers. We are meant to be "better than men".

But in a twist of events, that denies women and girls of our humanness. It others us. It gives us double standards. Girls could NEVER inflict the violence in Lord of the Flies, because "girls know better". They're still, in the eyes of the patriarchy, more emotional and lesser than men. But they're too smart for that. Too civilized. A girl could NEVER be violent like that.

And I know I will have someone in my comments arguing that "statistically, men are more prone to physical violence". Before you become that commenter, know that I agree with you. Statistics agree with you. Please understand that I am not saying "women are AS violent as men". I am saying that "women aren't allowed to be violent in media". Essentially, just because men are more prone to physical violence, doesn't mean that women aren't capable of being violent.

I think that's why I've fallen in love with Yellowjackets. Even with it's flaws, it turns the "Lord of the Flies" argument completely on its head. The men are the docile ones. The men are the civilized ones. Be that because of forced vulnerability (Coach Ben), outnumbered compliance (Travis), or just the literal age difference (Javi), the men remain civilized. Even Travis, who ends up going along with Lottie's cult, you could argue does so out of a need to survive. He doesn't instigate. He isn't the one who suggests hunting people.

It's just very refreshing to see a piece of media that lets girls be feral. Obviously, this is an extreme example of it. But that's my whole point:

Both genders can be violent, messy humans when pushed to the extremes.

[kazumiwrites-fanfiction]

Not-So-Secret Drawings

REQUEST: Hi there, so I've been daydreaming about this for awhile but I absolutely suck at writing so, could i request hcs were the reader is really good at drawing and has been secretly drawing random people on campus whenever they get the chance, but one day reader forgets there sketch pad somewhere and a character (of your choosing) finds it and decides to snoop and finds drawingsof them and people on campus. Just as they finish looking through reader comes (after realizing they forgot it). I hope this makes sense to you, have a nice day/night.

SUMMARY: Your carefully hidden secret is out now. WORD COUNT: 1k

WARNINGS: Riddle, Azul, Floyd, and Vil snooping looking through your drawings, reader is a really good artist, Riddle threatens you (out of love I swear), Azul is uncomfortable by your drawings (not in a bad way- I think), mentions of getting lectured by Azul, Floyd is a ball of chaos, Vil gets no warnings because he's perfect/j A/N: When I tell you that as soon as I saw this I immediately rushed to write two parts before having to stop because I needed to do my summer homework - and then procrastinated the last part (Vil)- Also I know you implied one character but since I'm indecisive I did multiple haha (I'm sorry (but also kind of not because this was fun)) I'm sure you don't suck at writing!! You just get sick of your own writing because it all seems predictable (speaking from experience, I read my work and I'm like "ew?? I need better words" haha) Vil's part is definitely weird because I was like "Fashion Designer!Reader" (probably because some of my friends take fashion/design classes) and I don't know how accurate this is I suck at drawing so I know nothing please don't come at me- Also on a side note, I have a lot of requests right now and since I have a lot of schoolwork I have to do right now, my writing will probably be scattered. Hope you guys understand! (Hope you have a nice day/afternoon/night/etc too!!)

© kazumiwrites - All rights reserved; please do not steal, edit, copy, repost (etc) my work without my express permission.

You had always been careful with your drawings. You never wanted another person to look at them. After all, you had been drawing other people - and who knew what they would think?

Sure, they were pretty accurate, but still. It wasn't like the people at Night Raven College knew that you were drawing them. And you didn't want your drawings to get destroyed just because someone in a foul mood found them. Just your luck though, as you had left your sketchbook somewhere. Where did you even misplace it…

Riddle Rosehearts

He had always seen you with your sketchbook, but had assumed it was just for studying.

Likewise, when it popped up during class, he assumed that you were diligently taking notes.

It was almost sad seeing how far from the truth he was in hindsight.

Since he found your sketchbook on the floor (perhaps having fallen from your bag - it was always full, after all), he decided to take it to you. On the way over to Ramshackle Dorm, he flipped through the sketchbook before he paused.

These weren't notes. They were drawings.

And very good ones, at that.

They were so detailed, he thought for an instant that you had magicked them on here somehow (before remembering that you didn't have any magic).

So was this what you could do with some time and diligence?

His mother had never let him draw much so his drawings were mediocore at best (at worst, one would think that a small child had drawn them).

He found himself captivated by the artwork, flipping through the pages, seeing the drawings of various people from the school. Even some of himself…? With more details... It was odd, the small flutter in his chest. Happiness?

He jolted as he heard your voice, asking if that sketchbook in his hands was yours, abruptly slamming the sketchbook shut as if he had been looking at something completely inappropriate. Which, in a way, he might have been?

"Sorry for looking at these without your permission." He got out after a moment, handing it back to you. "You're a really good artist." He paused. "But you shouldn't be drawing in class. If I catch you with this sketchbook out during Trein-sensei's lectures, I'll have your head!"

Azul Ashengrotto

Of course Azul had noticed your drawings. He needed to in order to make sure he knew as much as possible about others so he could scam help them whenever they needed it.

Still, he found it intriguing, so he couldn't help but skim through your drawings. And my, were they amazing.

Until he got to the section where you had drawn him.

Sure, there were drawings of him in regular uniform, some of him in his P.E. uniform (he thought that they weren't really flattering on him, but you made it look good).

But then there were the sections where you had drawn him in mer form.

Of course, you had no idea what his mer form actually looked like (without all the overblotting, which you never got the chance to see clearly anyway) so it was mostly guesswork and using your imagination.

There were ones with long, large tentacles swarming around him.

Some with tentacles that were slender.

Some of them popped out of weird angles, which he was puzzled about, but okay.

My tentacles can't move like that - or can they?

They definitely shouldn't be popping out of his ribs. Wherever did you get that particular idea? It made him uncomfortable just by looking at it.

He was so caught up in examining your drawings and he didn't notice you until you literally snatched the sketchbook from his hands, saying something about how they were private.

"Sorry, [Y/N]-san... But these drawings aren't too accurate, you know."

And that was how you got roped into a three-hour long discussion about the anatomy of octopuses as well as the anatomy of merfolk and how your drawings were terribly inaccurate. (You were just guessing, how were you supposed to know any of this?)

Floyd Leech

Floyd wouldn't even wait until the sketchbook was unattended.

He'd pop out of nowhere, eyes bright, asking what you were doing.

Never mind if it was in the middle of class or not.

You've both gotten scolded about this, he should know better.

Still, one day he caught you by surprise, and the book slipped from your hands.

You muttered a small curse before trying to grab it, but whoops, too late. Floyd had already gotten it and was flipping through the pages.

"Aww, Koebi-chan, you drew me?" His gaze met yours, a wide grin on his face (showing his extremely sharp teeth). "You should've just asked, I would've modeled and stuff for you."

You shook your head slightly. You had wanted to keep this a secret if possible... At least Floyd seemed to be in a fairly good mood. You told him that you wanted to draw people in their natural state, without them posing for the "camera," so to speak.

He looked disappointed, but then immediately asked if you could come to a basketball practice or match or something. Perhaps you'd find it more interesting to draw him there. Or maybe in the ocean?

Vil Schoenheit

He was no stranger to people drawing him. He was famous after all.

He did sometimes get… odd pieces of artwork, but that was to be expected.

Still, he didn't expect to find a sketchbook with him in it, abandoned at an empty seat. Only drawings of him.

It had so happened that you were trying to figure out a good design for clothing. You always wanted to have a face to your designs, and he was the perfect subject.

Maybe your drawings didn't do him justice, but it was interesting to see how you could tweak your designs to fit him better.

Still, Vil was plenty impressed.

These designs... He could definitely see himself wearing them.

Maybe he could show them to one of the people he knew... They could help make something like that. With your permission, of course.

He closed the book as he heard you come up.

"These designs really are fascinating. Would you mind showing me more details? I'm certain that we can turn these drawings into reality if you'd like it."

As always, reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡ Send your thoughts grr

Feel free to send requests! Check out this post for info ^^

[across-violet-skies]

“Hey, there’s Wind!” Twilight points out, effectively changing the subject. Sure enough, outside the ship, a little way into the vast forest of Vow, stands Wind. His back is pressed against a tree. In his arms rests a crate of bottles. …And behind the tree, a massive beast stands, searching. At first glance, it could pass for an oddly-shaped tree. At second glance… well, it makes sense that Wind is hiding. He peeks out from his hiding spot, eyeing the monster. It doesn’t spot him, thankfully. However, a second tree monster does. It comes from behind the ship– none of them see it. And with Wind facing the other direction, he doesn’t notice either. Twilight feels his heart leap into his throat. “WIND! LOOK OUT!”

(excerpt from this fic from this AU!!)

(more under the cut!!!)

yesterday I was sad and decided I wanted to procrastinate homework in a different way! I've had this AU on the brain a lot lately, so I picked out a couple scenes and started drawing :D

drawing people is HARD. drawing people with cartoony proportions is harder. Wind was frustrating to draw, but I love him. maybe I'm biased, but I think this scene was one of the most tense.

and, as a bonus, the same scene from Wind's perspective:

Distant stomping, heavier than any employee could possibly manage, makes Wind stop in his tracks. His gaze locks onto the giant tree monster Wild and Twilight had mentioned… …just as the beast lays its eyes on him. Wind can’t suppress the small yelp that escapes his lips as he sprints, nearly tripping over tree roots and fallen branches. The weight of the bottles slows him down– the monster is gaining on him. The ship is within view. All hope is not lost. Wind ducks behind a tree, chest heaving. His breaths come in short pants, quick but heavy. If any eyeless dogs decided to come out tonight, he would surely be loud enough to alert them. But tonight, it’s just the tree monster. Wind cradles the bottles close, risking a glance back at the beast. It stands idly, turning to search for him. Wind lets out a sigh of relief, closing his eyes. “WIND! LOOK OUT!”

[eedenuwu]

oc-tober | my first few days

hello tumbo ler. i am kinda doing oc-tober this year, kinda not. i know my schedule (busy, hectic, hell) but i also know i like to procrastinate (these 3 pieces have consumed time that would've been better used for homework).

so, i'm gonna jump into it... the other 2 drawings and more info will be below the cut

day 1 | favorite oc

ok so i started off strong here... by that i mean i started with day 1!!! (on october 5). this is my favorite ever. i have never really info dumped about this one on the internet before... was gonna use this as a time to start but then deleted what i just wrote LOLL all u gotta know is that bro is stunning witterawy just look. also this oc is from the 1920s/30s/40s... most of the story i've got in my head takes place in the 30s tho 😻

day 5 | redesigned oc

see this is what i mean. i skipped from day 1 to day 5.. but this is an oc i made when i was like 12 (WAY TOO CLOSE TO 10 YEARS AGO) and he was an angsty little bugger... it used to be the case that he was a witch living on his own in a village that, like, hates him or whatever. (because he's a witch.) the townsfolk like rip his tongue out or whatever and then he couldn't speak anymore but still ran like some sort of fruit stand at some sort of market. then like the love of his life moved in and he lived happily ever after. (not true, the love of his life was a BOY so i think they both got killed.)

and wow!!! that's a lot for a 12/13 year old. i came across an OLDDD google doc that had a little bit about this guy in it. the story, as anything written by a 12/13yo, made like. extremely little sense.

so i redesigned bro in about 2022ish. gave him a name, and he's still a witch. he's still missing a tongue. the differences now include that he's AFAB, has a little friend in his head only (pictured. he is cursed) and has a twin brother now. his twin brother works as a knight and like... captured him for an insane bounty. i also gave him a little bit of plot armor... he's some sort of telepath now so he's able to get by without a tongue. instead of straight up fantasy ville, i've been doing a little research into the middle ages to figure out a more, like, realistic setting... as realistic as including supernatural things can be but believe me the story is making a lot more sense now than it did in 2015.

day 3 | old oc

so i drew this today. yes these are in order of when i drew them...

anyway in terms of when i made this one, he's not THAT old. he's a product of my highschool mind and appeared on MANY assignments as doodles.. so he was like, essentially, born in about 2016/17, but i consider him old because i haven't so much as thought about him since like 2020, MAYBEEE early 2021.

this is also making me realize i have a thing for FREAKS. every one of these ocs has something about them that makes them "less than human;" this guy's deal is that he's like.. half fish..

it sounded really cool in 2017 you have to understand this was the vibe of the time

anyway he essentially got scrapped for no better reason than i was just getting bored. like, the story i was developing for bro ALSO took place in the 1920s (dude let me tell u. prohibition era america is actually my roman empire. genuinely in every sense of the real meaning of that trend) but it was diverging too far from reality and sort of becoming an atla knockoff toward the end of my thoughts for it... so then bro at the top was born (girl on day 1) in august 2021 and the rest for this guy was history. such is the damning reality of the creative.

anyway, that's all. i have no idea if i'll keep this up, but some of the prompts have genuinely given me ideas to cure my art block (I HAVE NOT DRAWN SINCE JULYYYYY) so i'm hoping to have time for more 🥲

[caliburn-the-sword]

cress thoughts and reactions

this was originally gonna be just one post for the first 7ish chapters but i have SO many thoughts as i tend to at the start of books, compared to the end where i want to race through the action and not write down every reaction, so i ended up having to split this in two. basically what i was reading during class time at school (no one tell my teachers) and then what i read when i got home to procrastinate homework lmao

HOLY SHIT SHE'S ALREADY MEETING THE GANG WHAT i thought it would take AT LEAST 5 more chapters

FSKDFSDKUHCNS she is so delulu and obsessed with thorne it's giving me second hand embarrassment i LOVE it. girlypop thinks she's in a romance novel thinking he's gonna have instalove

"Is that all hair?" coming from mr flirts with everything that moves, that's HILARIOUS. REJECTION. poor cress but unfortunately i find her misery hilarious

damn thorne is NOT holding back in his description of her hair LMAO. he fucking killed her no mercy. NOW i feel bad

"wing nut" scarlet tf kind of insult IS THAT. still love it. this is being integrated into my vocab as we speak

cress is hiding under a desk she's so socially awkward (just like me fr)

personally just from where we're starting i actually hope that it's just a silly schoolgirl crush that cress gets over and she gets to have real experiences, meet a whole bunch of people, and that she ends up being friends with thorne. it would be nice to not have romance as the answer for EVERY single character

i already have ALL the respect and admiration for priya. i need to stop getting attached to random side characters but i can't help loving her already. she was introduced spectacularly well

"Restraining a melodramatic sigh (…) He knew he was being childish" no actually?? kai is being entirely reasonable here. he's literally about to be in a child marriage and gonna be assassinated and his dad is dead and he's handing his country over and then there is gonna be a world war. he has every right to be upset

if no one knows who cinder's father is then we're DEFO gonna get a reveal. especially because we already know the lunars are non monogamous then it could be ANYONE

again i LOVE the dramatic irony of kai thinking cinder's trying to find princess selene. i mean i guess in a sense that WAS what cinder was trying to do

OMG ERLAND CHAPTER. I RECKON WE'VE GOT A REVEAL INCOMING (note: i was right and i'm a genius)

"ballyhoo" ERLAND I LOVE YOU. silly old man

I FUCKING KNEW IT THAT CRESS WAS ERLAND'S DAUGHTER - but WHY was she kept alive without his knowledge?? i don't need sleep i need ANSWERS

also makes sense that erland was behind the wolf genetic engineering thing which also links him to wolf

love the detail of erland glamouring himself to be taller. so real

SYBIL'S CHEEKBONES MADE OUT OF PIPES FKSHFSDKH all of erland's inner monologue is literally so humorous. slayed

but is letumosis mutating?? or have levana's people started engineering it for biological warfare to make kai more likely to go forward with the marriage in want of a cure?? usually i'd agree that the disease can mutate but the timing is just extremely suspicious, cause otherwise the best thing in writing would have been for peony to catch the mutated strain to give higher stakes to cinder

the opera singing shower scene - cress is such a DRAMA QUEEN and i LOVE her

i'll say this once and i'll say it again: scarlet is such a girls girl. looking out for poor cress and they haven't even met in person yet + she doesn't even know if it's a trap. i adore scarlet

knowing what i know about thorne now part of me reckons that the big softie just wants to use the reward money for philanthropy

iko is a ~material girl~

"young, semi-cute ones" remembering that thorne is 20, HOW old is cress. uh oh. ew. remembering cinder's age makes it a double uh oh since she and cress should be about the same age. disappointed because the rest of their interactions were totally chill and he didn't seem to have any real interest

i love how thorne is completely unable to take sybil seriously but also i'm freaking out like he's so unprepared cause he thinks the others are coming to help. he's fucked

holy shit the sat is crashing. talk about thorne "falling out of the tower" when he tried to rescue the princess

I LOVE THAT SCARLET WAS WATCHING HIM DOCK JUST LIKE HE WISHED FSKHFSDHK

wolf is an idiot WHY would he come down istg if he gets controlled i'm gonna smash my head in (note: he got controlled. since i need my braincells for homework i will make a raincheck on smashing my head in)

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees

[tarot-by-e11e]

Hello! I hope you are doing well! I would like to participate in your new game, please.

My initials are ASLS, leo sun. Emojis (I'm writing both because they are too different hahaha) recently used in WhatsApp: 😍👎🏼💀👉👈, tumblr: 😁💓💗😭🎊.

3 things I'm learning to love about myself:

My smile, how I look in pictures and my feelings. In all three cases I'm learning that it's all mine, if that makes sense, the first two were insecurities created by people around me, the way my sister's smile didn't need braces for example and how her smile looks really pretty in pictures, that kind of thing, I'm learning that my smile actually isn't bad and never was, I'm learning that it's my smile period, and why would a smile you're giving with your everything be ugly? About the pictures I try to pose in front of the mirror type, "Would this look good?" hahaha and the last thing, I have always been very honest with my feelings, but if saying "I don't like it" or "I would like to do this" made my loved ones uncomfortable then I would keep it to myself, I am letting out what I really think and feel, tactfully but not holding back things that should come out.

Unexpected favorite song:

Okay, but there is any romantic song, but there are a lot that i love. Hm... maybe, Fly Love by Jamie Foxx, Enchanted by Taylor Swift, and Committed by No Guidnce.

My important goal:

I want to learn to finish my homework first and then enjoy my time, I've always done it the other way around and well, I always end Sundays sitting doing homework and I'm tired of it 🥴, I want to sleep earlier and learn new things, a new hobby and things related to my career.

Thank you so much and take care 💓

Hi ASLS,

Thank you so much for participating in my new ask game.

I actually felt said when you don't think your smile doesn't look pretty, then proceed to describe your sister's smile. My dear, how you smile whenever you're laughing or happy is the prettiest smile that you have! But I really am happy that you're working hard to love your smile.

Those are very interesting songs! I'll listen to them after interpreting the rest of the ask requests.

It's great that you want to learn to how to manage your time productively so that you can enjoy your time while still being able to finish your homework early.

These are the cards I pulled out for you: 2 of Wands, Lovers, 3 of Swords

The first card suggest for you to strategize, particularly, to curate your lifestyle from the ground up. I'm hearing establish a sustainable healthy daily routine that works in your favor. There are a bunch of time management, productivity hacks and beat procrastination videos online. You simply need to plan out and decide how you're going to establish your daily routine being listing down which habits do you want to establish in your system.

The next card talks about balance and unity, particularly in your priorities. If you want to have a healthy and sustainable daily routine, make sure that it's not all work in one day, and all play in another day. Make sure to schedule small snack breaks and mini stretch breaks throughout the day. Remember to curate a daily routine that will support your desire to have a healthy and sustainable study/work-life balance.

Finally, the last card suggest for you to acknowledge your losses and limitations. It's okay to feel sad that you don't look a certain way. It's okay to not reach a certain weight in the scale because you're built differently. It's perfectly fine to cry about what you couldn't physically become.

Having those feelings are valid and normal, okay? Learn to accept what you're incapable of, so that you can refocus your energy on things that you do have control of.

You're not obligated to look a certain way to deserve to feel pretty. You don't have to weigh a certain number to feel good about yourself in a healthy manner. You don't have to be perfect to be worthy of love.

This is as far as I could interpret for your reading. Thank you so much for being my participant!

Feel free to tip me in my Buy me a Coffee account (to show support) ahehe [Not required, but most grateful if you did]~ (This reading is for entertainment purposes only)

[starkerhowlter]

Princess Parker -- Chapter 3

Rating: M Ship: starker (tony stark / peter parker) Tags: Minor Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - College/University, Fashion Designer Peter Parker, Engineer Student Tony Stark, slow burn, stolen moments Summary: Tony Stark’s in love.

But not with the conventional. Instead, his soulmate is known for temper tantrums about pink lemonades that are too sour and scuffs on the toe of his Louboutin shoes. He’s materialistic, superficial, and cares way too much about his face.

So why can’t Tony stay away?

Read below or on AO3

This chapter was beta'd by my gorgeous squish: @cozysafechaotic ! Be sure to send em love and thanks! Shout out as well to my sprinting goblins in the Super Starkers Discord for their support as well and I hope you enjoy this chapter!

3 -- A Million Bouquets

Two weeks later, Tony spots the boy sitting on the veranda. He looks different today than before, almost otherworldly.. Wildflowers are tangled in his hair instead of his usual Tiffany sunglasses. His pink off-shoulder sweater looks cozy and Tony longs to play with the white ribbons on the shoulders. His baby blue jeans cover the brown Chelsea boots on his feet, making the whole outfit feel cute and artsy. As he passes the table to go inside, the sun glints off of the pink glitter dusted across his cheeks, playfully intertwining with his freckles.. He looks angelic. His usual entourage is all present, each with salads and colourful juices sitting in front of each of them. The person sitting closest to Peter says something, and Peter's laughter softens the space. "Loki, you can't say something like that!" Tony hears as he walks inside. 

The smell of fresh coffee invades his senses, but instead of what flavour of Americano Tony wants, his thoughts are occupied with one Peter B. Parker. 

Peter glances up as Tony passes, he can't help but wonder what's going on in the man's head as he eyes Peter's table. The aviators on Tony's head catch the sunlight, glinting in all directions and creating this blinding sparkle that makes it hard to meet his eye. For a split second, Peter thinks Tony catches his eye, and he feels his heart stutter when the scientist smirks and opens the coffee shop door, a brief burst of aircon from inside is all that is left in his wake. 

The entire group is doing homework in Tony's dorm later that day. Well, Bruce is cooing at some code on his laptop, Sam and Clint are watching Youtube, and Steve and Bucky are making out on the floor next to Tony's bed. Tony is actually doing homework in the centre of his bed. Tony decides it’s the perfect time to ask for help. 

"I really don't know what I'm going to do about this whole Peter situation, guys." Tony sighs to no one in particular. 

"You have gotta stop procrastinating." Steve groans, "He's not gonna be on the market forever, Tones." 

"I know but what if I have it all wrong? What if he doesn't care about me in the slightest?"

Bucky chuckles softly from his place on Steve's lap, "Sweetheart," (Bucky calls everyone sweetheart), "trust me when I say that Peter is drooling over you just as much as you are him." The others agree, from their respective places around Tony's dorm room. The man in question sighs defeatedly and turns back to his textbook. Hiding his thoughts about Peter in between the pages. 

It's a week later and Peter walks into the lecture hall to find a bouquet of purple orchids and tulips on his desk. "What the..." He mutters, approaching the desk as though the bouquet could explode any second. This time, unlike the Starbucks cup from last time, a card sits in front of the bouquet. He picks up the pink envelope addressed to "Princess Parker". He rolls his eyes, opening the envelope, expecting a spray of mystery liquid to destroy his new pink Chanel pullover. To his surprise, nothing falls out but inside is a note from the local florist that reads "Enjoy the bouquet! Don't forget to look up what each of the flowers means. P.S. They're tulips and orchids. ~T." Peter smiles to himself, smelling the beautiful flowers. 

"Hey, P, who are those from?"  

"I'm not sure, the only initial it has is "T". I think I have an idea but..."

"Peter, no." MJ interrupts.

Peter tilts his head, "What?" 

"It's not Tony." Natasha states simply, "You wish it was." Peter's shoulders droop slightly as he glances back at the bouquet. "It's not, Peter." She says again. She turns back to her phone, texting quickly. 

When she's distracted, Peter glances back at Tony, longingly. The boy smirks, and winks at Peter when he mouths "Thank you."

Tony would buy him an entire nursery of flowers. He wishes he could thread the little blooms into the boy's hair as he stares into his sparkling honey eyes.

By the end of the lecture, Tony was sleeping with his eyes open. He's startled awake when a strong hand slams on his desk. "Who do you think you are?" The voice asks from above him. 

"I'm sorry?" He asks, looking up and blinking slowly. At that moment it clicks. Before him stands Harley Keener of Extremis Enterprises. He finds himself straightening in his seat, the man's sheer power intimidating him for a moment. 

"You heard me, Clearance Rack. Who the hell do you think you are?" The man crosses his arms, his baby blue designer jacket tailored perfectly to his chest rising at the wrists. "What makes you think that you are allowed to look at Peter the way you do? He's mine."

"Sorry, sweetheart, but I have no clue who the hell you are," Tony replies sweetly. That simple sentence seems to strike a chord deep within Harley as his face shifts and the tops of his ears tint pink. "I would assume Peter would talk about you more if he were yours. I mean, you're a very attractive man and clearly someone who thinks they've got power, but that means nothing if no one knows who you are. For all I know, you could be a car salesman in a nice jacket. As far as I'm concerned, you're no one." He smirks and picks up his jacket, shrugging it on. " If you'll excuse me, I have places to be and an appointment to drool over what's "yours"," Tony smirks as he does air quotes around the final word, sealing the nail in the coffin. He swings his backpack over one of his shoulders and slides his phone into his pocket, sketching a lazy salute as he shouldered past Harley on his way to the door. Behind him, he can hear the man sputtering, grappling to find the higher ground in the discussion.

-_–_-_

Thank you so much for reading!! Comments and likes are much appreciated!!

[yeyinde]

I’m not sure if this question is going to make a lot of sense (im kinda drunk whoops) but do you have a sort of thesaurus/dictionary you use? I’m absolutely in love with your imagery, I’ve been trying to get back into writing lately as a way to help with mental stress and your writing just has this vibe to it that feels like it heals my soul. is it possible to learn this power? Have you just picked up all these gorgeous synonyms from years of practice? Granted English isn’t my first language so finding these words myself seems to be extra hard for me, if you have a tool that could help a girl out I’d be infinitely grateful lol

Hiya!!

I mostly learned this in primary school, I'd say! We had this amazing French teacher who would assign us words each night for homework and we'd have to find as many synonyms and antonyms as we possibly could, so it sort of carried over from that!

Also, I get distracted very easily when I'm writing, and most of the ones I found were through procrastination because I'd look a word up, and go down as many synonym rabbit holes as I could just to avoid finishing a fic 😅

I don't have any particular app I use (mainly because most of them are seldom updated/poorly maintained). I've tried a lot of them but nothing beats the instant answer of word + define in google and its etymology page on Wikipedia.

To keep track of them all, I just add all the words that look/sound pretty to me on a massive Google doc. It makes things so much easier because you can categorise them however works best for you! I keep them neat by just adding little keywords I can search up. (Like, emotions and then a list of subcategories; or actions; or words for "x, y, z."). I found most of the words I use by just clicking random words and their synonyms or by seeing a word in a fic or a poem, or a novel that stood out to me.

And ahhhhh, you have no idea how incredibly happy it made me to read the lovely things you said! 'Just has this vibe to it that feels like it heals your soul'?! Stop!! Nice things are not allowed to be said about me and my sloppy writing! 😭

Thank you so much!!! 🖤 I really hope this helps!

[im-not-okaye]

Sometimes I wonder if my parents see me as a human or as a pet. It would make a lot of sense. Too much sense actually. They like having me and my siblings around, but almost never want to deal with the "unpleasant stuff" like doctor's appointments, mental health issues, homework, teaching us basic hygiene, etc. And more recently they've been procrastinating on helping me get a job, and learning how to drive. I think they expect me to remind them, but whenever I used to, they'd yell at me that they're "Doing everything by themselves", "No one's helping", "They were getting to it eventually" and all that sh*t. But it's kinda like how they treat the pets, or maybe they treat the pets better because they always get fed dinner. Granted, I have thumbs, and there's cans of soup, but sometimes I'll just forget to eat for a day, and I'll only remember I'm hungry at like 3am, right before I go to sleep.

I just want to be who I am, you know? Go see the world, or make new friends. The ability to leave the house whenever I wanted would be great.

I really hope my parents don't see this, if they did, I'd be yelled at a ton...

[mysumeow]

hi!! hope ur doing well!!! if it's possible, i'd like to request a twst matchup! no pressure <3

i am an entp 7w6, i'm often described as an eccentric, humorous, and a carefree person (it's just that i don't use my braincells that much)

i'm usually friendly, but you can get a reaction out of me me easily and i'll get into bickerings (i'll forget it off after 5mins in total)

i'm quite guillble, i also have a bad habit of procrastrating important matters and hanging around instead until there's no time left-

i can be dense too

i have a new injure thrice a week usually- i'm a bit careless which makes me get scolded often

when people around me say that they weren't in a good mood but it has gotten better because of me, like i did??? but that's the benefit from being the clown friend i see

i like puns, i love riding bikes, i'm addicted to carbonated drinks. nature outings are my breather (funnily enough i fear bugs)

if someone gifts me food, i'll pledge my allegiance to them/srs

zoology is my fav topic!! especially penguins, i could blabber about them forever i also like mythology its fun seeing them weird ahh yokais in books

i can be both the yapper and the listener tho

my love language is quality time, sending u shitposts at 3am or gifting you anything that reminds me of u its silly sometimes

i may act hard n shi but deep inside imma sanrio enjoyer😞 (badtz maru)

i am not used to affection that much (especially in words) so it never fails to unlock soft spots in me when yhey do that-

ty!!!!! sorry if too long

. . . ꒰ MATCHUP IV

a/n: hiii aaaaa im sorry for taking this long. things have gotten a tad hectic lately T_T

I match you up with Ace! Ace needs so badly a partner in crime for his mischief. Whenever you tell him to pester Deuce instead, he complains about Deuce being a goody two shoes and that you both can have fun without him. Of course, as per usual, Ace boasts about how much fun he had with you to Deuce. That’s just their friendly rivalry dynamic.

What he doesn’t confess, though, is that he thinks you’re easier to convince. Which he believes is a major advantage for him because he gets to hang out with you without having to scavenge for an excuse to do so. However, if he senses someone is trying to take advantage of you, he’s quick to call them out.

It’s a daily occurrence that you and he will bicker about something dumb. He’s snappy with it to irk you more (it amuses him smfh) and quick to answer, and you react with the same swiftness. People around you wonder if any of you realize you two sound like a married couple whenever that happens. Deuce teases Ace about it back in the dorms, to which that idiot deviates from confronting his feelings by jabbing at Deuce’s ribs with his fingers.

“What would you know about that?” That, along with the annoying jabs to the ribs Deuce’s receiving, accomplishes what Ace wants with that: changing the subject.

Ace is such an enabler to your procrastination, unfortunately. You do a little study date every so often, and you set your goals like: finish tomorrow’s homework so you don’t have to rush it in the morning. The study date follows the course of actions you hope for until Ace complains about his legs cramping and wanting to stretch his legs. Oh, but he doesn’t want to go alone.

“Hey, do you wanna go grab some snacks?”

And there goes your homework’s progress…

Honorary mention: Malleus Draconia.

Very broad explanation: Your eccentricity and carefree personality would make Malleus fond of you. He thinks your puns are funny, too.

[wh6res]

three's a crowd | nomin

synopsis. picking favorites is impossible when you like neither of them.

warning. read at your own risk. abuse, bullying, poly relationship, yandere themes, manipulation, nonconsensual touching, noncon, degradation, smut threesome oop

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think jaemin or jeno would act like this in real life.

note. this was meant to be a new year's gift lmao i obviously got a lil carried away 👀 anyway a late happy new year to you all! we survived 2020, let's start living in 2021, yeah? lmao if covid lets us grr mwah!

the relationship you had with the two of them was a weird one, bordering on taboo, but it wasn't as if you willfully chose to be who they wanted you to be and it took jaemin's unwanted pining and jeno's intimidating demeanor for you to fall right into their arms.

it was a joint effort on their part, you couldn't've possibly stood a chance.

"this many?" the cashier asked. "are you sure?"

stepping back and studying the whole situation, you figured you only had your addiction to caffeine and procrastination to blame. it was a chain reaction you didn't even know will lead up to your inevitable doom.

if you hadn't been slacking off during your first semester of junior year college, you wouldn't be forced to overwork yourself trying to catch up to the looming deadlines, but to be able to 'work yourself to the bone' you need your boost of energy… and that was when you met one of them.

"uhm," you scratch the back of your head sheepishly as you eye the six glass bottles of iced coffee. sure, it looks bad and you kinda appreciate the look of concern the cashier throws your way but it was none of his business.

"yes. now could you, like, you know… hurry up? i'm in a little bit of a time crunch right now."

screw it. although you hardly snap like that with other people on a daily basis, it'll be a whole different conversation if you were under a significant amount of stress and today, unfortunately, is one of those days.

now can he just fucking stop asking questions and give you your six bottles of death drink to keep your fucking brain going so you can pass an eight-page essay tomorrow? thank you very much!

the guy snickered, the beeping sound of a barcode being read sounding a thousand times more annoying than it usually sounds as he keeps his hand busy by punching your items out.

you fail to notice how he studies you through the gaps of his lashes, finding you interesting rather than threatening as you stood before him with your messy hair and oversized hoodie.

"haven't seen you around university grounds 'till today," he tries striking another conversation with you. "you new? i'm jaemin."

this was your first mistake, you shouldn't have been so… downright rude when you met him. if you were granted the miracle of meeting him a 2nd time, you would've acted more nice, throwing yourself at his feet even to blend in with the rest of his fangirls you didn't even know about at the time. you would've done anything to make sure he never gives you a second glance, to never pique his interest.

jaemin is the pep squad captain. flying over colored blue mats and doing tumblings in the air with no ounce of fear. he was the best in his team, that much was evident when your friend dragged you into watching a pep rally practice. his landings were clean, balanced, and executed to the best he can at all times.

no wonder he was popular, his talent is outstanding and his looks are a bonus. his killer combo of a smile and wink after pulling off a tough flip is enough to send them squealing in their seats.

he spotted you that day and since then, he snuck the quickest glances at the bench during practices. recognizing you as the coffee girl he met during his convenience store shift. jaemin tries not to let his disappointment show too much when he doesn't see you, but of course, a pair of cold calculating eyes could see right through him.

"i saw that," his boyfriend said, hand darting forward to hold jaemin's gym bag for him. "you kept looking at the crowd. do you want to see her that much?"

"but she reminds me so much of you, jeno!" he retorts, pouting at the slight grumpy tone the other boy used. "i can't help it. she doesn't seem to give a fuck around me so she's quite interesting. maybe she can even be a great addition to our relationship!"

"well," jeno replies after a beat of silence, plastering a small smirk on his face before slinging an arm around jaemin's shoulder.

"convince me?"

you don't like jaemin's attention. not in the slightest. and it seems that was enough reason for the reign of terror his little fanclub has subjected you too.

it wasn't the petty elementary forms of bullying like pulling at your hair or calling you names. they pale in comparison to the other things they do to you—beating you up, messing with your homework, "accidentally" dumping their food trays on you.

and you weren't stupid.

you knew exactly who was behind it, knew how jaemin spectates the whole thing from afar so that he can swoop in at the end to play your knight in shining armor.

"oh, you poor thing. do you need help?"

the first time you accepted his "help" you ended up in a supply closet near the gym during your free period, cornered and weak as your cries for help drowns under the squeaking of shoes and the booming sounds of rubber balls hitting the floor.

if it weren't for jeno appearing out of thin air and prying the boy off of you, you would've been painted blue and red from the death grip he had on your wrist, neck, and waist.

you can still remember feeling the soreness of your scalp from when he pulled your hair too hard. remembered feeling his teeth gnawing at your lips as if he wanted to tear them off.

that time hadn't been the first time you saw jeno. you've shared a few classes with him and it strikes you how polar opposites they are with one another.

while jaemin likes to bask in his professor and classmates' recognition by confidently reciting his answers, jeno would rather keep to himself. liked sitting at the last row, near the window, so he'd be the first to go once the professor ends their lecture. while jaemin loved the attention of his fangirls, jeno preferred solitude. while jaemin is impulsive and wild, jeno liked to think things through.

it was within these reasons that you decided to do what you did. but your judgement of character has never been more wrong.

you approached jeno one day in the library, tried to make yourself appear as stoic and confident as possible. but your constant slouching and averting eyes was a dead giveaway.

you came to talk to him about what jaemin has been doing, hoping there's one person left in this entire school that isn't under the cheer captain's trance. the one reasonable person that has already saved you once and (hopefully) is willing enough to save you again. the only one that probably has a certain level of control over jaemin, if the supply closet incident is anything to go by.

but you've overestimated lee jeno.

"you should've just given jaemin what he wanted."

"but—but aren't you two lovers? isn't it bothering you?"

you try baiting him, only for an uncomfortable shiver to start crawling down your spine when he chuckled humorlessly, pushing his school materials to the side while pinning you with an unreadable stare.

how can a person make someone feel so small just by a gaze alone? it was nothing like you've felt with jaemin. this is way worse.

"the only thing that's bothering me is why you're not ours yet."

you feel cold fingers creeping their way under your shirt, going higher and higher until it brushes against your bra. and when your eyes meet, the look on his face was unmistakable—what are you going to do about it, huh?

you stood up in lightning speed, the chair you've been sitting on scraping loudly against the floor.

you've never ran out as fast as you did.

and jeno swears it'll be the last.

you tried everything in your power to ignore them for the next following weeks but it soon became useless when the two boys took it upon themselves to give you your space.

although judging by the pinpricks you feel on your back, and the constant weight of a stare you feel on your shoulders, you knew they weren't done with you yet. far from it. and for some reason, you just knew they wanted to lull you into a false sense of security first before striking again.

and while they continued to ogle at you from afar like a hawk circling its prey in a desert, you took it upon yourself to return the favor. not because you were the slightest bit interested in those creeps but maybe, just maybe, if you look hard enough you'll find a way out, a weakness.

but what you realized made your insides churn in great discomfort—although it may seem that jeno holds the reins in the relationship since his reserved nature fits the role, it's actually the other way around.

jaemin might appear too self-centered, too focused on himself to give a fuck about his surroundings but in actuality, he has quite a knack for reading people. even more so than jeno. and it was scary how he used it to his advantage, and paired up with his devoted fangirls? it was hell on earth.

you found it alarming how the two seem to magically appear wherever you are.

although you weren't in the least bit surprised. for some reason, you can't take your eyes away when jaemin's devotees flock around him (and jeno) in a circle.

it almost reminds you of a shoal of piranhas, waiting for their meal to drop into the water before ripping it to shreds with their teeth. only their "meal" isn't actual flesh but the carefully crafted words jaemin says that drive them into a sick frenzy.

one that has them doing everything in their power to satisfy him like the loyal dogs they are.

so this was how he got them to bully you?

"oh, that? don't worry! yangyang just ran into me during cheer rehearsal. no biggie. my cheek stung a little bit, though…" is what he said but really he's telling them "scruff him up a bit for me, why don't ya?"

"of course, i can't be the best all the time. haechan is just too good, maybe even better than me…" is what he said but really he's telling them "can you remind him where his place should be?"

all the while jeno did nothing to hold him back.

no matter how wrong jaemin is, how much of an asshole he is, jeno will stick by his side through and through. so as much as jaemin is a puppeteer that gets a kick for controlling people, jeno is as much at fault for looking the other way.

because in jeno's perspective, why the fuck would he do shit when he can just get off from the entertainment that comes with jaemin's sweet little mind games?

we lost :(

you had been busy sorting through paperwork for one of your professors in the faculty when your friend texted you the results of the intercollegiate cheer dance competition. a frown paints your face, heart feeling heavy at the bad news.

in all honesty, you still supported the pep squad—you just hated the captain and his boyfriend. they've been practicing non-stop for this and prior to the weeks of the competition, jeno looked a lot more tense and jaemin less smiley than usual. you swore you even saw the latter snap at one of his fangirls.

not to mention, they paid less attention to you, too, and it was the best three weeks of your life.

tension starts rising in your shoulders, fingers absentmindedly running through the edge of the papers you had been sorting until you became immersed with your thoughts.

jaemin must be in the worst mood yet.

and jeno too, probably. if anything, that guy gets triggered the most when something bad happens to jaemin or when he catches snippets of people talking shit about his oh so "perfect" boyfriend.

jeno is a lot scarier when jaemin is in one of his mood swings, you noticed. he steps up in the relationship to offer comfort to the other boy and for outsiders? it isn't a great experience to go through—being on the receiving end of jeno's ice cold stare is a position you don't want to find yourself in after that time in the library.

he is still as much a threat to your peaceful life like his lover.

you snap out of it when the blinding headlights of a vehicle seep through the closed blinds. you hear the gentle hum of an engine switching off as the headlights vanished as quick as they had appeared. that must be the cheer squad's bus.

as you look around the empty faculty room, something in your gut tells you to ditch file sorting duty for professor kim tonight and fucking get the hell out of campus grounds as quick as you can.

after haphazardly throwing the unsorted papers back into the cabinet, you groan aloud when the keys to the office drop out of your skirt’s pocket.

the indoor gym where the cheering squad practices is right across the hallway. you sure as hell don't want to bump into jaemin. or jeno, too, if he had decided to ride along the cheer squad's bus on the way home.

you kept looking for the keys underneath the cubicles, cursing aloud when you heard the telltale squeaks of shoes rubbing against linoleum. you almost hit your head against a table when you quickly got back up your feet, darting forward to shut the lights for the faculty room.

they can't know you're here. alone. and if it meant sitting in the dark for a few hours 'till they leave, meant going back home a little later than usual is what you have to do then so be it.

you try not to react so violently when the door you're leaning on jolts when someone from outside slams their back against it.

"it's not like we didn't do our best, right guys? i don't have regrets. it might sound fucking cheesy and although i'm sad myself, atleast we did what we can."

it's jaemin. his voice clear as day.

you try peaking, craning your neck up from your place on the floor. only to see the back of his head leaning against the glass section of the door. someone else joins in on the conversation, followed by coach park himself, and you slowly tune out whatever they're saying as you stealthily start scanning the faculty room.

you curse under your breath. is there no other exit other than this door? jesus christ! even classrooms in this university had two doors—

"what are you doing here?"

the switch flickers on, basking the once dark room with light. only when you hear an echo of your name being called, did you snap out of it and quickly picked yourself up from the floor.

"i said, what are you doing here?"

their coach asks, drilling the question as he looks at you skeptically with his arms crossed. you try not to look at the people behind him.

particularly, not at his cheer captain standing on his right.

particularly, not at jeno, who stands out like a sore thumb with his blue hair, a protective arm snaked around jaemin’s shoulders.

this isn't your lucky day, too, you guess.

"i was…" you cursed yourself for stuttering. "i was, uhm, i was file sorting for prof—professor kim, sir."

coach park looked like he didn't believe you as he narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. your nerves are going haywire and you can feel the sharp pins of their stare with how close they are.

you kept juggling your weight with the balls of your feet, hands fisting and unfisting behind your back. you want to leave. you have to leave.

"file sorting… in the dark?" he asked incredulously.

fuck this.

"uhm, you can ask professor kim himself tomorrow, coach. for now, uh, i'll be going now. i'm sorry you guys lost…"

originally, the exit is on the right side, at the end of the hallway. but no, you are not going to pass by those two while on your way out so you ducked behind a random student standing on the coach's left instead and practically ran away from the scene.

everyone had been too busy. too busy looking at your retreating form to even notice jaemin and jeno exchanging glances, too busy to notice the latter untangling himself from their captain to slip away unnoticed, his hurried steps filled with a burning purpose.

you didn't know why you ran, but you did. your shoes practically booming against the floor as you sped away through darkened hallways. you're sweating profusely, heart hammering in your chest. you can worry about professor kim tomorrow but right now you just had to—

"why are you in such a rush, pet?"

crashing into jeno felt like crashing into a wall. if it hadn't been for his arm quickly wrapping around your waist, then you would've landed on your butt before him.

with the small distance between the two of you, jeno could see as clear as day through your eyes.

jaemin was right.

it was addicting to stare into them.

especially when he can see every single one of your thoughts flying through your pretty little head. but hey, it wasn't their fault you were so easy to read.

jeno barely conceals the wicked smirk on his lips when your hands come up to his chest, trying to push him away but to no avail.

he can see your eyes shifting from shock, to confusion, until it finally settles on fear—to which it's slowly becoming a favorite emotion of his to see on your face.

"you know, jaemin is in a really shitty mood right now. and we were wondering, maybe you can cheer us up?"

no. this can't be happening.

"jeno, please." your dilated eyes and disheveled hair made his blood run south. "let me go. you don't want me. you don't need a third party in your relationship."

you yelp when he lets you go, literally shoving you against a wall—which you found out is actually a door, as it swings open as soon as your body crashes against it.

with jeno looming unforgivingly before you in his full height, the tears stung extra hard but you won't let them fall.

if he wanted to bask in the image of your weakness then it'll be something you'll deprive from him for as long as you can.

"i don't need a stupid bitch like you to tell me what i feel." he scoffs. "don't fucking kid yourself, you little whore—i don't want you. i'm not jaemin."

the echo of the classroom door shutting closed surged through you like a wake up call.

this is really happening.

you've always led a decent life, had done nothing too questionable and you've always thought maybe life will spare you if you lived quietly enough. but the feel of jeno's freezing hands crawling against your skin felt like life itself had spat at you in the eye and left you to rot in a ditch.

"i've always liked how you wore skirts," he comments. playing with the ruffled hem of the soft fabric as he purposely grazed his knuckles against your supple thighs. "gives me easy access, don't you agree?"

you scream when he flips your skirt up to reveal the innocent pink of your cotton panties. it was as if a switch had flipped inside of you and the will to fight started coursing through your veins.

"stop! jeno! i don't want this!"

his brows furrow, grunting as he struggles to push the waistline of your skirt up higher with how much you're thrashing underneath him. you buck your hips, tried curling in on yourself, anything to prolong what he wants to do to you.

with your legs trapped underneath his, you blindly reach forward, relying on your upper body instead to push and scratch whatever your palms and nails reached.

you continue screaming like a banshee until he shoved two fingers into your wet cavern.

"stop fighting me," he sounded strained, as if he's holding himself back. you feel him fisting the fabric of your skirt and you fear he's simply going to rip it apart.

you tried responding to him, only the sound had been muffled, gurgled by the flat of his fingers pushing down against your tongue mercilessly. when you reach forward to push him away, your hands land on the apple of his cheeks, nails digging through skin.

until it slips and—

you lie rigid when red scratch marks in the size of your fingernails slowly appear on jeno's skin, his head turned to the side as he paused. your actions slowly start sinking in to him as he shuts his eyes and bit his lip 'till it looked like it was about to bleed.

oh no.

"jeno—"

the slap he planted on your cheek left your ears ringing. all those hard earned muscles of his put to good use—if the tears hadn't fallen for the last few minutes, then it definitely started falling now.

the hit had been so strong, a few of your hair flew astray, the buzzing feeling of your skin tempting you to reach a hand up to soothe your abused cheek.

until jeno let out a low growl and your hand immediately drops limp against your body, afraid of whatever else he can do to you other than a slap.

"that's more like it," he whispers under his breath. you let out the tiniest of whimpers when his hand darts forward to fist your hair. "do you know what happens to bad girls? they fucking get busted up. do you understand me?"

his patience is nonexistent.

jeno slams your head against the floor when you don't answer because you thought his question had been rhetorical. it felt like your skull had been split in two as you wail in pain.

"are you fucking deaf—i asked you a fucking question!"

the hand that cups your jaw is painful as he squeezed your cheek with his blunt nails. your hand shoots up to wrap around his wrist, silently pleading for him to let up as you sobbed out loud. you started nodding as best as you can despite his firm grip on your face.

your reply was nothing short of pathetic. with lips forcefully pursed and the steady stream of your tears and snot rolling down your face, your response is gargled and hardly incoherent and jeno seemed to thoroughly enjoy your anguish if the condescending curl on his lips is anything to go by.

"look at you," he whispers, his face coming close to yours as he holds you down. there was something in the way jeno stared so intently that it made your skin crawl.

"i think you're prettiest when ruined like this."

with his nose touching yours, he felt too close, bordering on intimate as you felt his hand creep back up your thighs, trailing up with feather-like touches that made goosebumps appear on your skin.

you tried wiggling your legs underneath him but one sharp look from jeno is enough to make you stop.

the hand holding your face moves. coming down from gripping your face to encircling his hand around your neck.

"do you like it when i touch you? freaky bitch."

his hands trail further up, up, up until you felt him slotting a finger underneath your panties.

jeno didn't like how frozen you were underneath him as he pulls at the hem before letting go. the elastic snapping back against your skin.

the action evokes a strong feeling through the young male, promising to have you writhing and screaming and begging because by the end of all this, you'll be so needy and frustrated that you will have no choice but to give in to what your body wanted.

"jeno, didn't i tell you to play nice?"

someone stands by the door, the minimal light from the hallway creating a silhouette with his form but you knew who he was. that deep voice, with the same annoying flippant tone, is a dead giveaway.

you didn't know why you even hoped in the beginning. as if there'll be someone who can save you from these two.

you thought the flash of hurt in your eyes was quick to disappear but jeno noticed it quicker.

in a span of seconds, he pulled you up from your position from the ground and tugged you towards his lap. you haven't even gotten the time to settle on your new position when he already smashed his lips against yours.

it was messy. too much saliva. too much teeth. no tenderness to it at all.

the fabric of his jeans felt rough, not to mention the ice cold belt buckle made you severely uncomfortable as it seeps through the thin fabric of your skirt.

when you attempt to hover over his lap, jeno grunts as he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you back down without your lips breaking away from each other. you didn't know why he let out a whine, but you understood the moment you fully sat down on his lap and you felt a tent on his jeans hitting your clothed entrance perfectly.

in a normal circumstance, you would've found everything hot and might've actually gotten off from it but not when it's him who’s doing this to you and you didn’t consent to any of this.

you start squirming again. palms lying flat against jeno's chest as you attempt to push him away and jaemin sees this as the opportune moment to slot himself behind you, caging you in between them.

“i want my turn,” he hisses and without an ounce of hesitation, jeno stops to do what he's told.

jaemin doesn't waste any second to grab your face, awkwardly craning your neck up to meet his lips in the same feverish kiss.

while jeno had been all teeth and aggression, practically forcing you to open your mouth and kiss him back, jaemin on the other hand is more soft, more romantic, you daresay. he seemed to like taking his sweet time by clutching your face, kissing you like he actually meant it.

he pulls away slightly, resting his forehead against yours as he murmurs something incoherent under his breath and then he's kissing you again.

you think you heard something along the lines of, "finally."

you've been too distracted by jaemin to notice jeno's nimble fingers quickly fumbling with the buttons of your blouse. it was only when you feel the sensation of his tongue laving against the swell of your breast did you turn away from jaemin, jerking backward in surprise.

"no—!"

your scream is cut off by a hand cupping your mouth. jaemin pulls your back towards his chest, molding your body against his as jeno licked and suckled all he wanted, thankful to have the other boy there to not worry about restraining you and keeping you quiet while he has his fun.

"ah, ah, ah," jaemin teases, going hard over the pleading and teary look you sent his way. it looked pathetic, he wasn't going to lie, but it doesn't mean he didn't love it. "just keep still and appreciate jeno's efforts to take care of you, alright baby?"

you don't like how he talked as if this was all a mutual thing, how he talked slowly like you were some toddler who didn't understand anything.

it's cruel how jaemin giggled and basked in your vulnerable state as he kept his eyes pinned on you while undoing the zipper of your skirt. your muffled cries of his name only serving to egg him on.

the way he stared was similar to jeno, too intently and intrusive, like he wants to burn your image of despair in the back of his head.

you whined involuntarily when jeno got bored of all the licking and thus decided to start biting and nipping at your chest instead. he was hypnotised by how responsive you were, how every little bite and nibble made you shudder.

it was a shame that jaemin had to cover your mouth. he didn't get to hear your pretty mewls but it wasn't as if he'd let the night end without hearing them loud and clear.

jaemin is fast in undressing you, feeling slightly betrayed by how quick your skirt and blouse fell under his hands.

you know what he wants, what he's going to do, and the tears fall harder when you can't dodge away from him. forced to endure and accept whatever they give you.

"you act like you don't like it but look how fucking wet you are," you bit your lip hard when jaemin starts circling the pads of his fingers against your clit, fascinated by how more juices streamed down your thighs.

"jeno, do you see this? fuck."

you can only blink in defeat, staring off to the side as you force down any noise bubbling up your throat, forcing yourself to think of anything else other than what's happening right now.

you try not to think about how they managed to tear all of your clothes off while they're left completely dressed. tried not to think about the fingers lazily drawing up and down your slit to collect your essence.

if they're doing this as a way to further humiliate you, it's working.

"slut," jeno mocked, a wicked curl on his lips when he wraps his fingers around your throat. the moment he dives down to claim your lips again is the same time jaemin pushes two fingers inside you.

"look at how wet you are because of me," jaemin whispers hot against your ear and you feel a sick churn in your stomach when you feel his smile against your skin.

he purposely drives his fingers in and out quicker, settjng a brutal pace, wanting you to hear the lewd squelching sounds. "hear that? do you hear that, darling? that's because of me—"

"don't go talking big now, jaem," jeno retorts, pulling away from your lips to start nibbling on the back of your ear. "i was here first. did you see how she fucking reacted when i sucked on her tits?"

you're quick to catch how jeno particularly loved degrading you. but how he talks about you as if you're literally not in front of him naked made you hit a new all-time low.

you felt… filthy.

his hands find purchase on your butt—only because jaemin has already claimed the front. for now.

you close your eyes tight when he painfully squeezes the flesh of your ass. you swear, his blunt nails will paint your skin black and blue.

"i'm the favorite!"

"i'm the favorite!"

as someone who's part of a varsity team, you already knew a competitive nature runs through jaemin's veins. but never had you thought jeno would share the same sentiment. once again they prove that they're cut from the same cloth.

all of a sudden it wasn't all about claiming you as theirs anymore rather it was all about who can make you moan the loudest, who can make you cum the most, who can make you feel the dirtiest you can be.

you're absolutely terrified for the hours to come.

thankfully, they have yet to ask for your verbal opinion or validation. they let your body do all the talking—every repressed shudder and sharp gasp is enough.

but it's game over once they pop the million dollar question.

"who do you like best?"

you don't want to find out the consequences if you actually answered their question because you didn't know what could be worse.

jaemin's manipulation or jeno's aggression?

but it was all normal. trial and error is inevitable in order to build and mold you into the ideal lover for the both of them.

because adding someone new to the mix has never been easy—after all, three's a crowd.

[pythiaswine]

[productivity rant] [personal but it might resonate with other students and ND people]

as a general rule, any day i choose leisure over productivity basically ruins the whole day and that sometimes snowballs into ruining the week etc etc. but when i do even just ONE task i feel a little better and i'm able to continue it. didn't do anything all day besides pick up my clothes? that's okay <3 tomorrow i'll do more. i self-discipline but i conserve enough energy and treat myself so things that i HAVE to do (go to work, do my homework) i get done and things that i "should" do (laundry, dishes) i may put off but i feel good enough about having gotten my other stuff done that i feel energized into doing it.

a year ago, and even 3 months ago, i used to get so overwhelmed by everything i had to do that i'd cry and shut down and do nothing. i smoked marijuana to ignore my responsibilities and the consequences of not doing them. i've even drank and smoked and vaped nicotine for similar effects (rewriting my reward/dopamine system to not hate myself for being "lazy").

since the semester began, i've kept up the momentum. i made myself a schedule so as not to overwhelm myself unnecessarily (it helps!!), i got a new job as i had quit mine shortly after i stopped smoking November 2021 - that said, i work somewhere corporate now instead of at a franchise that scheduled me when I wasn't available. i attend my classes every week and do the work before the due-date, and once when i missed an assignment in one class, i did it late and turned it in anyway rather than decide not to do it all. that in particular has taught me i can't use procrastination as a means of getting out of the work, like i used to. it makes sense to me now to do the work before it's due rather than put it off hoping it'll disappear. eating meals has helped me stay in-tune with my schedules. i have coffee every morning (as a ritual), i eat breakfast, i make lunch when i can and if i can't i eat at work, and i eat before getting ready for bed. food has been a comfort to my emotions for years and now i'm ritualizing it to 1. make sure i energize my body and 2. routine!!!! aghhh routine my beloved.

at work, i make sure i take breaks. company policy is to take a paid 15 for every 4 hours and a 30-minute meal break before it's been 6 hours. at my old job, we didn't do meal breaks which is literally illegal but we could take two 15's if we wanted/needed. i got so burnt out because i never took meal breaks! at this job, i am required to take multiple breaks if my shift is over 5 hours. my coworkers and the team-leads are SO great about it. i don't feel guilty for taking breaks.

i also work somewhere i love. it took a few jobs, but i actually love it where i work. i get paid above minimum wage, it's corporate, and i'm barista-ing inside of a bigger store (you can probably guess where i work). i'm good at what i do, i like doing it, and i genuinely enjoy making customers happy when i'm there. when i'm overwhelmed, i don't ever get to that breaking point where i feel like i might freak out (due in part to my own self-work, quitting smoking, etc) but it's also because of getting breaks and knowing i'm safe, valued, and supported at my job. i can't speak for other stores but the ETLs where I work make me feel valued. it's important to find a job you like even if it's one you're working while in college or as a place-holder job until you work somewhere better, and that's not possible for everyone so i feel very lucky. it's made all the difference.

i find time for my friends! that's another thing. it's soo important for me to hang out with my #1 when he and i have schedules that allow it, and i've been keeping in touch with others rather than isolating myself. i go to school events when i can, get out by myself when i must. i went to a party this past weekend and hung out with people i don't normally hang with, hosted by a couple i haven't seen in a few years because we fell out and they had a friggin kid!! i got to see their life, their home, their adorable baby, and be a part of the scene catching up with all these other people i used to hang out with in high school. before one of my closer friends went out of state for university, she threw a party i was nervous about going to and i went and had a great time talking to people i didn't normally talk to, outside of my comfort zone.

ignore the weird paragraph breaks because i'm on mobile and can't figure out how to fix them, but this has been my quick little vent about how i balance all the stuff i'm doing. whenever i feel down about my worth or overwhelmed by the workload, i remind myself that i am a student working two jobs and a babysitting gig on top of classes, costuming for a show, and still finding time for appointments, events, and hobbies. i'm killing it out here. i've come to far and i am fuckin proud of myself.

[royalblxe]

Proud of You

Luna Lovegood x gender neutral reader

preview: Luna discovers you having a panic attack and does her best to help you.

tw!! anxiety, panic attack, mentions of verbal abuse

(please let me know if there's anything else I should add to the trigger warning)

It was another tiring day followed by the amount of homework your professors had assigned. You knew deep down you'd end up procrastinating, waiting until the very last minute to complete the assignments.

As much as you wanted to mirror Granger's excellent grades, you couldn't bring yourself to work. You were just not motivated enough.

You laid on your bed in your dorm, staring at the ceiling as if you had all the free time in the world.

A heavy sigh escaped your lips.

"Knock, knock," a soft familiar voice spoke. You looked up as the door slowly opened, revealing the adorable, astonishing, sweetheart you felt almost too lucky to call your girlfriend.

You sat up. "Hey, Luna," you beamed, your heart instantly warming at the sight of her. There was something about this special girl who managed to lift your spirits at any given situation.

Luna joined you on the bed, sitting comfortably on your left before resting her head on your shoulder.

"What are you doing?" She curiously asked.

You let out a weak chuckle, hoping to disguise your buried sadness as you shook your head. "Honestly, nothing really."

You felt the weight of Luna's head disappear as she lifted from your shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

How silly, why exactly did I think Luna wouldn't be able to detect how I feel?

"Nothing, I," you paused, taking a small breath, "I've been feeling so overwhelmed lately. It's stupid because there aren't many assignments to finish and most of them are plain simple. But I can't help but feel so stressed and pressured."

You looked at Luna, smiling softly as she tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

"It's okay, love," she assured you, her voice soothing as she stroked your hair, "there's nothing wrong taking a breather every once in a while. School can be quite stressful, it affects everyone differently."

Instead of focusing on Luna's soft voice or her gentle touch on your hair, your mind began to wander around, bringing up memories you thought you've buried deep.

"You're not trying hard enough! You're just lazy, that's what it is!"

Your breathing began to quicken.

"You have no idea how much it affects me to hear that you're failing! If you're not trying hard enough for yourself, at least do it for me."

Your hands began to shake as your vision began to blur with tears.

As those awful memories of your mother shouting at you went up through the surface, it filled your mind instantly with despair. You felt the walls beginning to close in.

"Y/N?" Luna's worried tone faintly echoed.

You felt your throat closing up, causing more anxiety to cloud your brain. It caused the heat in your body to rise.

You felt Luna was no longer sitting on the bed next to you.

"Look at me, Y/N. Focus."

She was crouching on the floor in front of you.

"I," you sniffed, struggling to breathe, "I can't, I can't...breathe." You voice was noticeably shaky.

"Everything is okay, you're safe, I'm here for you, see? Everything is going to be alright, I promise. Please, look at me, love."

It was difficult, but with Luna's encouraging words, you managed to look up and see Luna's heavenly, silvery kind eyes staring back at you.

"There, you're doing so well," Luna smiled warmly, "now, can you do something for me, please?"

You couldn't bring yourself to reply, but Luna sensed your confusion.

"Don't worry, it's not much," Luna reached to your knee, but stopped halfway, worried that touching you might make you feel worse.

However, your shaking hand reached out and Luna quickly accepted it as a silent permission to hold your hand.

"I need you to look around the room and find three things you can spot."

You couldn't figure out the purpose of Luna's request but you did it anyway. It was still difficult to speak, so you remained quiet as you scanned the room, listing three items on sight.

There was the bedside table, a rug, and...

Your eyes flickered to Luna's.

Her.

Luna sent a soft smile your way, knowing you had completed her request.

"Now, I would like you to think of two things you can hear."

You nodded, closing your eyes as you concentrated.

"The window's open, I can hear the wind blowing against the trees outside and..." you paused, "I hear your breathing."

"Good! Now, I want you to think of one thing you can smell."

That answer was simple, wherever Luna goes, the sweet scent of strawberries and lavender follows.

You were too busy working on your special assignment to notice your tears were long gone, your breathing had already steadied itself and your hands, entwined with Luna's, were no longer shaking.

"I..."

"You did it!" Luna beamed, giving you a tight hug. Her arms were wrapped around the back of your neck as your head rested against her chest.

You leaned back from her embrace and looked deep into her eyes lovingly. You were so grateful you met her.

With her arms still wrapped around your neck, she leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips.

"I'm so proud of you."

A/N: honestly @fandommastermind I could not thank you enough for helping me with this, your writing is incredible!

+ this was inspired by something that happened to me a few weeks ago, I got a panic attack in the middle of class and a friend of mine helped me out of it by using this technique. Focusing on each of your senses at a time is a great way to ground yourself.

+ this oneshot was originally written as a Luna x fem reader oneshot but then I realized it could fit readers of any gender so I changed it to a gender neutral reader. If I happened to forget to change a certain description or reference that implies that y/n is a girl please let me know :)

[thesewordsareallihavetogive]

🎬cast the teen wolf characters as… oddly specific conversations you’ve had (i hope this makes sense but you can probably figure it out)

so you sent this literally months ago. i apologize that it's taken me this long to get to it, but i've put semi-careful thought into the answers and also i'm using this as an excuse to procrastinate my homework

**also note: i have some really weird, sometimes slightly nsfw, and often controversial conversations with my friends. feel free to skip this post if you might be upset/don't want to see that kind of content**

kira yukimura as dissecting the love triangle that’s currently unfolding in one of my friend groups

lydia martin as why [redacted] relationships are problematic (just so y'all know - this is a safe space for all genders, sexualities, races, ethnicities, etc. but i absolutely do not tolerate minor/adult relationships and p*dophilia so that's why i'm not including the specifics of this convo)

malia hale as actors and actresses that i would let top me

derek hale as discussing the honors college students’ alcoholism

liam dunbar as where guys put their [redacted] when they’re wearing tight pants (does it get squished in the middle? do they tuck it? do they choose a pant leg to stick it in?)

stiles stilinski as the real-life mechanics of one of the more questionable yet somehow mundane cards against humanity white cards

i'm not even sure if i should expose myself like this & there's a chance i will delete this but enjoy in the meantime i guess?

thank you for celebrating with me!

[mxbottleflip]

The Boyz - Son Eric [Smut] :^)

sorry i'm too uncreative for captions

heya ! after procrastinating for the last few hours i'm finally able to post my very first smut, yay ! enjoy, my loves ♡

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pairing: {brattamer/dom!eric (tbz) x fem!brat!reader}

summary: {eric is busy studying and you think of a way to get his attention-turning into smut obv.}

word count: {~1,3-1,4k}

warnings: {none really, issa smut lol}

requested: {yes, by anon ! dw i gotchu :D}

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~tysm for the request !~

(also eric is still going to school in this au sksks felt like giving him homework to focus on fit pretty nice)

NOT PROOF READ BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY MYSELF AND HAVE NO FRIENDS TO DO THAT FOR ME (:

ACTUAL START DOWN HERE

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the way eric licked his lips while working on his homework got you weak in the knees. he looked so incredibly hot whenever he was concentrating on something, you could watch him for years. "y/n could you please stop staring at me like that ? it kinda makes me nervous..", eric finally spoke up and turned around in his seat to look at you. you were sitting right next to him and probably haven't looked away a single time since he started studying.

your eyes were scanning his face, all of his features.. his damn good looking face almost made you angry. "what the fuck are you so handsome for ??", you yelled and let out a fake cry. eric just laughed at it and turned back to the bunch of papers infront of him: "yeah i mean if i had nothing good about me, i wouldn't have such a gorgeous girlfriend like you eh ?"

his words also put a smile on your face, but honestly you weren't in the mood for sweet talk right now. you've been extremely horny since you guys woke up in the morning and eric rather gave all his attention to his stupid homework than to his "gorgeous girlfriend".

"how long will that stuff take ? i've been waiting for hours and i need you right nowww", you whine. "mhm patience my girl, rushing me wont help you", he responds.

a sigh left your mouth and you let your hand fall on his thigh, resting it there for some time. he obviously didn't mind, so you started carressing it, giving it some squeezes in between. "y/n please, if the fact that you are staring at me all the time didn't make me nervous enough, this is, for sure.. i'll be finished very soon and will be all yours then, alright ?", he scratched his head and gently pushed your hand away from his thigh. flashing him the biggest smile and nodding at the same time, you stood up and walked over to his closet. you'd be getting what you wanted, one way or another.

you opened erics closet, looking for one of his shirts to throw on. after you found what you were looking for, you unclasped your bra and pulled your shirt over your head. tossing them both on the floor, you turned around to see if eric was looking - no chance. you groaned, took off your pants and threw them onto your other clothes. while quickly slipping his shirt over, you still kept an eye on him. honestly how could anyone look THAT hot while studying ??

you were now left with only his big ass tshirt and your panties on, making your way back to him. instead of sitting back onto your own seat, you let yourself down on erics lap. he let out a sigh once again: "you comfortable now, ma'am ?" you hummed in response and started to move around a little, trying to get even more 'comfortable'.

"if you insist on sitting in my lap, could you at least stay still ? listen, you're not the only person in this household who'd prefer to do something else right now, but i really have to get this done and having you move around on my dick is not helpi- is that my shirt you're wearing ??"

this time you didn't respond in any way, you just kept moving around and squeezing his thighs. eric tried to push you off of his lap, but you stayed stubborn: "is there a problem with it ? also,, your little friend's telling me you love having me in your lap.."

"no, there's not but.. please get up, i can't work like that ! and never call my dick 'little friend' again !", he complained. after he tried to push you away multiple times, you actually got up and were now standing next to him, looking like you don't belong anywhere.

"you know i'd love to spend my time with you right now, but i really have to focus on studying at the moment.. also, why the hell are you not wearing pants anymore ??", he groaned after seeing your bare legs poke out below his shirt, ".. you're really something else, you know that, right ? just let me finish my work now." you had to hold back a laugh at how annoyed he seemed, but compared to you, eric didn't think there was anything to laugh about. he rolled his eyes, concentrating on his studies again.

at this point you were becoming a little frustrated too, not understanding how he could still resist you and STILL prefer working on school rather than working on you (ehehe). all of the sudden an idea came to your mind, that one has to work for sure !you grabbed the pen he was currently writing with and threw it on the floor;

"oh noo, seems like you dropped something.. let me help you !"

you bend down in front of him, revealing half your ass and picking up the pen, when you're being pulled back onto his lap again. "enough of that, stop playing around already. you just wont let me study, will you ? fucking brat, you think you can keep acting up like that all day and expect me to stay calm ?"

out of shock you dropped the pen you just picked up again and immediatly felt your heat throbbing at his reaction.

did that really just work ??

now he was the one to squeeze your thighs, but he didn't go easy on you. he grabbed a handful of your flesh and roughly kneaded it until you felt a burning pain spreading in that area, the pain causing you to moan. "bet you just wanted me to snap at some point, right ? test how far you could push me until i go crazy ?" you hummed, slightly embarrassed at the fact, that seeing your boyfriend being annoyed of you turned you on that much.

after you admitted to that, his hands were quick to find their way to your core, rubbing your clothed clit. you let your head fall back onto his chest, "knew it.. ", he whispered. eric also murmured something else you didn't quiet understand, but you were just trying to enjoy the moment really. "all that teasing just for the tiniest bit of pleasure..", he then added, ".. you couldn't even be patient about it.. unbelievable."

after a good minute of him straight up teasing you, you started whining. "please, s-stop teasing me..", you stuttered.

"huh, what did you say ? weren't you the one to start all the teasing ?", he cheekily asked, and you just groaned in response. "come on, speak up baby, tell me what you want." "please.. just touch me eric god damn, i've been waiting for this the entire day, i really need you, please.."

that earned you a little chuckle from eric: "hmm i don't think you derseve to be touched at all, thinking of the way you acted up all day..", regardless of what he just said, he got rid of your panties and started properly rubbing your clit. his free hand went up to your throat, giving it a good squeeze, "you've been such a brat, not listening to me and teasing me all day.. shouldn't i be punishing you rather than pleasuring you now ?"

you shook your head 'no': "you just looked so good concentrating on your stuff and all and- oh fuck..", you were interrupted by him letting a finger sink into you, curling it upwards and squeezing your throat tighter. finally getting what you wanted just felt way too good..

"god, feels like you're soaking and i haven't even started yet..", eric panted and started moving his finger inside of you, soon adding another one. "feels.. so nice.. please keep going.." your breathing became even heavier as the hand that was resting around your throat now went down to your boobs, teasing your nipples and twisting them gently. by that time you could feel an obvious bulge poking at your butt, so you tried lifting your hips a bit and returning the favor. "don't even think about that, you're not getting to touch me", eric demands, increasing the speed of his fingers pumping in and out of you, "drop your attitude first."

"i-i don't know what you mean..", you panted and closed your eyes, to solely focus on his actions. "oh, so now you don't know what i'm talking about anymore ?", he mocked and pumped his fingers as far into you as he could, earning a surprised moan from you, ".. you don't remember dropping that pen on purpose just to show your fucking ass off to me ? was that someone else then ?" him bringing that up made you clench around his fingers and you couldn't hold back any of your moans anymore. you automatically pressed your butt against his bulge, hoping to get any kind of response to that.

even though he managed to hold back how horny he actually was pretty well, you could clearly hear him cursing under his breath now. "and also.. shit.. what are you gonna do about it, huh ? about me disrespecting you and.. n-not listeni-.." eric shoved his free fingers into your mouth, stopping you from talking. "shut your mouth already, am i not doing enough for you yet? needy little brat, once i've made you cum i'll throw you on the bed and fuck some sense into you, but you'd probably even like that, wouldn't you ?"

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if you read until here,, wow, tysm ! i hope you somewhat enjoyed it lol

i'm actually thinking about writing a part 2, if anyone would even be interested in that.. anywaysss

feel free to request whatever you like !

feedback is always welcome ~

stay healthy & stan the boyz ♡

honestly what a visual god wow

[whumpingwithclara-alt]

Isn’t it funny how we make rational excuses for being out of alignment?

We say, “Well, this ____ and that ____ happened, so it makes perfect sense for me to be feeling like this ____ and wanting to do this ____.”

Yet, to this day, I have never met a happy person who adheres to those excuses. In fact, each time I – or anyone else – decide to give in to “rational excuses” that justify feeling bad – it’s interesting that only further suffering is the result.

There is never a good enough reason for us to be out of alignment with peace. Sure, we can go there and make choices that dim our lights… and that is fine; there certainly is purpose for it and the contrast gives us lessons to learn… yet if we’re aware of what we are doing and we’re ready to let go of the suffering – then why go there at all? It’s like beating a dead horse. Been there, done that… so why do we keep repeating it?

Pain is going to happen; it’s inevitable in this human experience, yet it is often so brief. When we make those excuses, what happens is: we pick up that pain and begin to carry it with us into the next day… and the next day… into next week… maybe next month… and some of us even carry it for years or to our graves!

Forgive, let it go! It is NOT worth it! It is NEVER worth it. There is never a good enough reason for us to pick up that pain and carry it with us. There is never a good enough reason for us to be out of alignment with peace. Unforgiveness hurts you; it hurts others, so why even go there? Why even promote pain? Why say painful things to yourself or others? Why think pain? Just let it go!

Whenever I look back on painful things or feel pain today, I know it is my EGO that drives me to “go there.” The EGO likes to have the last word, it likes to feel superior, it likes to make others feel less than in hopes that it will make itself (me) feel better about my insecurities. Maybe if I hurt them enough, they will feel the pain I felt over what they did to me. It’s only fair! It’s never my fault; it’s always someone else’s. There is a twisted sense of pleasure I get from feeling this way, and my EGO eats it right up. YET! With awareness that continues to grow and expand each day, I choose to not feed my pain (EGO) or even go there. I still feel it at times, of course, so I simply acknowledge it and then release it.

I HAVE power and choice over my speech and actions. I do not need to ever “go there” again. It’s my choice; it’s your choice. So it’s about damn time we start realizing this. We are not victims of our impulses or emotions; we have the power to control them, and so it’s time to stop acting like we don’t. It’s time to relinquish the excuses."

Alaric Hutchinson, Living Peace: Essential Teachings for Enriching Life

hi anon

I'm assuming you sent this in order to show me how I can help myself and thank you.

Here's just a little bit about myself.

I make excuses a lot. And I know that.

And ha- i want to make an excuse about that, but I can't.

I have a fixed mindset and I know that. I've been trying to help myself but I'm not doing a very good job. There are things that I just know aren't "normal."

I procrastinate a lot. A lot a lot, to much. I'll sit for a couple hours on my phone and not realize it. I've spent hours on tumblr at a time. And I know that it's lazy... and I hate that- I hate that I can't do things which are so simple.

It's stupid that I can't do simple tasks or how I could rarely do homework when I was younger- and I only "studied" for finals which was more of for a total of- maybe an hour, over a couple weeks for each class?

And why??? I don't know. I don't know why. I can't make myself sit down to do something I don't want to do. Like I would rather stare at a wall for an hour then study for something. Despite me WANTING to get better in grades or other tasks.

I looked it up once and I believe I have executive dysfunction- when I brought it up to my mom and she said I didn't have it- that it was stupid because it's not a disorder- it's laziness.

So I finally put the idea away because none of my friends or family would think about it- just that I was lazy and I'm not saying I'm not. I know I am to an extent- but I thought I had found a reason why- but maybe it was just another excuse.

I do agree with the passage- we can control our emotions.

I'm just so sick of being fine.

No one wants to think I'm not.

I just want- maybe need- to be sad. Everyone think's I'm fine but I'm not. I'm not ok.

I think people have been taught that you better have reasons why you don't feel happy. We make excuses of why this happened or why that happened. I find it awful... Of course you can feel down, just not all the time. You need to be aware there's a light to the shadow.

Sometimes you need to be in the dark to remember what the light looks like. You need to grieve or cry or yell, emotions can't stay pent up forever. But once you've been in the shadows you can look at the world from a new perspective, and you can remember what it's like to smile, you can work your way out of the dark and into the light.

People have their ups and downs and I don't think we should be sorry for them. We can control how we feel but it's ok to let yourself have a break from holding it in.

It's ok to not be ok.