#i hope that works as a love letter! <3 i'll never stop being grateful!

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Hey hey, how about 27, 31 & 39 for weird questions for writers 😊

Hello! Sorry for taking some time to answer -- I was really tired and needed to get some rest :) oh, and thanks for the questions, of course!

27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?

Oh, so far it's got to be Rose from Golden Girls. I feel like there's a very delicate balance to writing her POV, and it's easy to get it wrong. Like, I don't know -- take St Olaf stories. They're a part of Rose, so you really can't avoid them when writing her POV for long enough, and they've got to be ridiculous, but not mind-numbingly stupid, because at some point they stop being funny and become frustrating. You know?

I will say it's worth it, though. I love Rose to bits, and as stressful as it can be to get her thought process just right, it's also a lot of fun!

31. Write a short love letter to your readers.

A love letter? What could I write in a love letter that I haven't written in my works? :)

You know I write for myself, but I'd be lying if I said I don't think of you all when I'm writing something. I anticipate your reactions to certain scenes, I get curious about your general thoughts, I wonder if someone will notice something that flew under my radar and surprise me with it... it's lovely! I had no idea that writing could be such a cooperative effort before, and it warms my heart.

I don't know much about love. I'm on the aromantic spectrum, and I've only ever fallen in love once -- but, in my very humble opinion, a big part of love is consideration, it's paying attention, it's building up a conversation. If that's true, then any of my works is a love letter to anyone that reads it. <3

Oh, and of course: thank you, so much, if you've read any of my works. I'm still shocked at the idea that there are people out there who are actually interested in what I write. It's an incredible feeling.

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Mostly, I try not to get to the point where I feel like giving up! If I notice I'm getting frustrated with a work, I put it down and go do something else, maybe leave it be for a while. Sometimes you just need to give your brain a break! I just try not to be too hard on myself about writing in general -- this is a hobby for me, it's supposed to be fun. If it's not, that means I probably need to focus on some other hobby for some time, and I'll come back to it when I'm ready.

[puckpocketed]

weird/bad interactions always remind me about the good things. feeling very sentimental under the cut <3

housekeeping

The gist of this is that I'm very grateful every day my first encounters with hockey on here were primarily with kraken lb and sharks lb. You can stop here if you aren't in the mood for an essay LOL

I'm thankful in general for everyone who has ever welcomed me into their hockey spaces for giving me role models to emulate. I feel especially thankful after such a strange, off-putting experience in a new tag just now.

On the off-chance you're the person who took a screenshot of my post to tell me to leave your space and you're reading this: thanks for the chat, no hard feelings and no grudges held. If you're one of the people who uncritically reblogged that post... I can't tell you what to do with your blog but dog piling is a pretty good way to bully people and drive new fans, artists and gifmakers away from your community.

I'm not here to guilt people into being friends with me. and honestly, I don't want friends who would do that. I sincerely hope you grow and the next new fan you encounter gets a warmer welcome than I did. I know most people in the tag aren't like that, but I think I'll shelf that team for now. (my quest to fall in love with 32 teams carries on!)

Anyway, I get pretty mushy about my friends and communities semi-regularly on here so it’s not anything people haven’t heard before, but it’s MY blog and I get to write love letters to my teams and their communities if i want!!!!!

kraken

I take my cues from the way people in this tag treated me. The warm welcome is something I'll always think about, no matter how my relationship to the team and the community at large evolves over time. Sparking my interest in writing again, making new friends, and learning about The Beautiful Game was such a highlight during my summer last year. I am very very tender about this team and community. It’s hard to talk about them sometimes because it’s like… my feelings are so big <3 they are eating me like a soup dumpling. my head is being ripped off and my soupy insides are being sipped <- don’t know where i’m going with that....!

I confess I often feel overwhelmed and lost in the hockey tumblr space as someone who doesn’t participate in shipping/rpf and isn’t attracted to men, but I’ve never felt like people wanted me out because of it. Thank you for accepting me, and accepting the way I love this team and sport.

sharks

Tiny but mighty!! the kraken crossover likely contributed a lot to this, but I've met such amazing people in this tag. We may have different/conflicting opinions about non-sharks teams but we are united in our love for this flop train and my life is enriched by it. Would not commit to a months long research project with any other people ! Mwah <3

There's a whole iceberg's worth of things to say here. I'm trying to keep it short otherwise it would be like.... a whole post of its own LMAO.... i should definitely write a puck-mortem on the primer work one day.

But to give anyone reading this an example: I still think about a sharks writing prompt challenge where the organiser went out of the way to include non-shipping/nonfiction works in their list of acceptable submissions. I won't name or @ anyone in this because that's sooo embarrassing aslkjasdkljdjkl but. we exchanged a few messages about it, and learning that they did that specifically to make sure people like me were included genuinely made me tear up.

I love u sharkudablr <33

kings

Somehow even smaller. Many of us don't have LAK as our primaries, and honestly why would we? The community tinyyy... and only recently we're coming back to life it seems. I really can count on two hands every active kings blog I've met and interacted with. But I value every 6 note post so much <3 also we may be very funny for real actually. incredible memes and collective sense of humour. The memes and gifs and photo edits + reposts are so important to me .

I love our kings, our little family, our little liveblog tag. The way I follow LA is unlike how I follow any other team. they really are my eldest daughter, in that I am holding them to SUCH high standards. Perhaps because out of all my teams their fate seems the most uncertain? Are we on the verge of collapse ? are we cup contenders? are we ever gonna escape the round 1 time loop? <3

I hope one day we're as big and warm as my other beloved team tags. I think we're on our way :)

golden knights

another small but close community. I'm so grateful I saw Adin Hill go ultra instinct and got interested in this team <3 aside from saving me a bit of heartbreak during the trade deadline, I've met amazing new people.

Also, loving this team makes for a great litmus test + rent lowering shots. To be loud about enjoying this team is to filter unserious people out of my tumblr experience <3 Those who were wishing injury on m.stone in particular and those who were uncritically repeating conspiracy theories, thanks for exposing yourself during playoffs. Those who are in the tags of my vgk gifs saying how much you hate this team, thanks for exposing yourselves. I do not go out of my way to be spiteful on here, I think it really does no good. but I fear I don't want to sit with you at lunch if you are doin all that!!

what's really special to me is how our community is small and safe. it is the safest I've felt in a hockey community. I am so happy our discord is place I can go to without fear of seeing one of my other teams/players randomly smeared, I love that it was started with the express intention to avoid simply repeating the unfiltered hatred we experience in other spaces. building with purpose, choosing to be kind... i think that's also something I want to take and run with in my own community building efforts. thanks for being bold enough to be different <3

caps

Quickly rising up from babygirl-in-laws (hi Lucky!!) to BELOVEDS. I think the Dubois trade might be one of those inflection points they talk about in sci-fi movies where they gotta time travel and change the future :) I was already sort of eyeing this team and had a few friends/mutuals who followed them, but the incredible caps fans who have reached out to me to share their love of their team really sold me.

I love talking hockey with everyone I've met. I love the goofy vibes. i love the essays in my inbox. I love that people read the essays i write back. <3 When a link to a video didn't work for me (required a log in) a caps fan simply screen recorded it and posted it. When I asked about the power play I got completely serious hockeypilled answers <3

There is something to love about every team, but I'm finding a huge part of loving them, at least for me, is the people you love them with.

everyone else

If i haven't mentioned a team I like or people I've interacted with it's because there are too many to recall in one go and this post has gotten a lot longer than I originally intended <3 trust that I think of you warmly and often. every person who has ever sent me an encouraging word, discoursed with me about the game and the narratives, and every note on my silly gifs and art - appreciate you more than I can express. you all make being on here such a cool experience.

I hope i love hockey for a long time and keep meeting new people <3

[hopes-peak-postal-company]

hello mod tsumugi! i love love love your letter writing, it's such a fun idea and you're really great at it! can i please get a letter from chiaki? (i would also like to know how you do the line breaks in between the "author's notes" and "a letter has arrived at your doorstep" sections. thank you!) <3 <3

why, thank you, anon! you flatter me. i needed to hear those words today, to be honest with you. writing the letter requests has been a great de-stresser and creative challenge for me these past few days. i'm so glad your letter was one of the first i'll publish after getting through my writer's block.

on the topic of how i do my line breaks, i just use a .png file as a divider between my author's notes, the letter description, and the letter itself! i hope that helps, haha. here's your letter:

you're awakened by the sound of chiaki opening the door. flopping down beside you with a yawn, she hands over to you a light pink envelope sealed with an adorable sticker of a character from a game she recently started playing. you raise an eyebrow at her in confusion as to why she's handing it over to you.

"miss yukizome wanted us to write letters of gratitude earlier during lunch break. i wanted to write one for you."

how sweet, you've received a letter from chiaki!

carefully removing the sticker seal, you take out the letter from the envelope and read it with her half-awake beside you...

Hey hey.

I can't believe we're graduating soon. Time's something I've never noticed while playing games, but the realization of my years at Hope's Peak coming to an end finally hit me. There is so much to thank you for, and I don't even know where to start.

Ever since we all met, you've never left me alone and inquired after my health. It was strange at first, but spending time with you has become the highlight of my day. All of you in 77-B are the best reason I can ever think of to pick up my controller in the morning and to stop at the end of the day. No amount of words can express my gratefulness, but I hope you can feel it with this letter.

Thank you for understanding my peculiar habits. Thank you for reminding me to take care of myself. Thank you for being a great person to be with. Thank you for making every day not seem so bland anymore. Thank you There are much more I'd want to specifically thank you for, but I'd probably never be able to give this letter to you.

How long will it be until we look back at all the memories we've made? What will we think about them in the future? We may go on to our separate paths soon, but it still scares me when I wonder if we'll ever see each other again. Pretty out of character for someone like me, don't you think? Let's go out at least once a month after we graduate and catch up, or even once a year if we get too busy once we enter the workforce. Though on second thought, let's wait and see how this situation will work out for us.

And for one last time: thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to take the next step of our lives with you. I don't think anything else would make me any happier.

Sincerely, Chiaki Nanami

[kissinginkitchens]

You Bring Me Home — Chapter One: Flightless Bird, American Mouth

a/n: I've been working on this story for mooonths now and I'm so excited to finally share it with the world! It's heavily inspired by Harry's Behind the Album mini doc, except I changed the setting to Hawai'i because I've personally spent some time there and as they say, write what you know! YBMH takes place in the period between One Direction's hiatus and Harry's first album/tour, but with that being said, this is entirely a work of fiction and some events don't follow the true timeline. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my little story, I hope you love it as much as I do! It will be updated every Friday at 5 PM PST. My inbox is open, so feel free to talk to me once you've finished reading! I'd love to hear from you :) Much love, Mel <3

Pairing: Hawai'i!Harry x Original Character

Warnings: swearing

Word Count: 5.5k

May, 2016

Harry watches LAX get smaller through the airplane window and visualizes all of his worries stuck at the terminal gate, their magnitude also diminishing as he takes flight. He sinks lower in his seat and skims through playlists on his phone when a nagging feeling at the back of his mind pulls his attention away from the screen. Looking up from the song choices, he spots a cell phone quickly lowered from his line of vision and a girl with flushed cheeks who quickly averts her gaze. Harry shoots a tight-lipped smile in her direction and goes back to his phone with a sigh. The days when he could roam the streets freely without fear of recognition—or worse, harassment—feel like an entirely different lifetime. He sometimes imagines that he’ll wake up back in his childhood bed as if the past five years had all been a dream, but he never does. In fact, his privacy and anonymity seem to dwindle with each minute of radio play that One Direction receives. It’s a bittersweet pill to swallow, but one he hopes will go down easier with some time in the Hawaiian sun.

His close friend and new manager, Jeff Azoff, had suggested the vacation as soon as the band privately agreed to take a hiatus.

“You’ll go home for a few weeks,” his voice had crackled through the speakers of Harry’s phone. “Visit your mom and Gem, lay low for a while until the smoke blows over,”

Harry mulled it over in his mind, eyes flickering over the rolling landscape outside of the tour bus window.

“Then what?”

“Then you go for a little vacation. The label offered to cover a house in Hawaii so you can start working on the album,”

“Alone?”

Jeff chuckled lightly on the other end before responding. “I mean, if that’s what you want,”

“No,” Harry corrected. “You and Tom should come. Mitch and Bhasker, too,”

“The dream team,”

“And there’ll be a studio there?”

“Yes,” Jeff started, almost hesitant. “But I don’t want you to think about that too much,”

“But you said the label—"

“I also said vacation. Look, Rob said ‘it will all happen in due time,' did he not?”

Harry twisted the rose ring around his finger, tracing over the silver petals and thinking back to his conversation with the CEO of Sony Music, Rob Stringer. Upon the proposal of his debut solo album, Rob had told him that the most important ingredient for a successful debut would be patience. The singer had agreed in the moment, but every day not spent in the studio felt like a test he hadn’t studied hard enough for.

“Yeah.”

“So you take the free vacation,” Jeff suggested. “You go out, live, get some writing material. Maybe mess around with some tunes. And then we come back to L.A. and get to work. But until then, I just want you to focus on taking it easy.”

So take it easy he had. Or at least he had tried to when he was back home in England. Harry quickly grew restless after what felt like the millionth awkward conversation with past friends and acquaintances, all of which eventually led to the topic of One Direction and it’s unexpected hiatus. After one month at home, his mind and journal were full of ideas for songs, things that he wanted to say before he lost his nerve. One night as he tossed and turned in bed, he shot Jeff a text, just two words that would kick off a three month getaway to the Big Island of Hawai'i:

I’m ready.

********

“Sounds great, I'll go put in your order.” Alani offers sweetly, trying not to overdo it with the customer service voice. After waiting on the family at her designated table, she heads back to the kitchen and finds her younger sister, Pua, crouched in the corner taking what appears to be a serious phone call.

“I don’t know, I just saw it!” Her sister cries in a hushed tone. “Where do you think he’s going?”

“Is everything okay?” Alani cuts in with concern.

Pua whispers into the speaker before bringing the phone to her shoulder.

“Harry Styles was just spotted on a plane this morning,”

“Who?”

“The guy from One Direction,” her sister explains with a hint of irritation in her voice. “The band who sings that song you secretly like, ‘Fireproof,'”

Alani vaguely recalls the melody, but she waits expectantly for Pua to elaborate. “And this is news because…”

“Because the band just broke up, so where could he possibly be going?”

"The unemployment office?”

Pua rolls her eyes and returns to her phone call while Alani envelops her in a tight hug.

“I’m just kidding!” Alani apologizes, squeezing tighter despite her sister’s attempts to break free. “I’m sure he’ll be living off of royalty checks until he’s, like, eighty,”

“Get off me, freak!” Pua cries out, finally breaking the embrace.

Alani clutches her chest and pulls out an invisible knife. “Ouch. I’m telling Harry you said that,”

“This is exactly why I don’t tell you things.” the younger sister huffs, storming out of the kitchen through the employee entrance where Alani’s best friend, Maleah, has just arrived.

“Looks like someone forgot to eat their Cheerios today,” she remarks, tying her curls into a high ponytail.

Alani shrugs and leans against the counter. “She’s going through something. Just discovered that boys in pop bands are, in fact, just regular boys.”

“Poor thing,” Maleah frowns. “We all have to learn eventually.”

********

The sky is a blend of cotton candy pink and burnt orange when Alani returns home from the café with a strawberry smoothie in tow. She empties the mailbox and sorts through the various bills and advertisements, but her stomach drops when she sees a familiar return address label. After a quick greeting to her excited dog who waits at the door, Alani bolts up the stairs and quietly shuts the bedroom door behind her. Breathe, she reminds herself before tearing into the envelope and discarding it onto the wooden floor.

Dear Ms. Hale,

We are very grateful to have received your submission to Rolling Stone magazine. However, we regret to inform you—

She doesn’t read the rest, slumping to the floor in defeat. The sixth rejection letter from Rolling Stone lies crumpled at Alani’s feet and she kicks it across the room with a frustrated grunt. She had worked for over two months perfecting her analysis of Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi and its allusions to the environmental impact of urban development in Hawaii. As part of her initial research, Alani had even traveled to both the Royal Hawaiian hotel in Honolulu, which is the famous Pink Hotel mentioned in the song, and Foster Botanical Garden that Mitchell referred to as “the tree museum.” She was certain that her effort and persistence would result in at least a consideration. The second third time's the charm! Maleah had joked watching Alani submit the piece. Six articles in the span of two years, each one facing the same rejection despite the increased effort Alani had put in over time. The fact that the rejection letter hadn’t changed over the course of the two years brings an incredulous smile to her face, and her stomach turns when she considers that the editors probably hadn’t even read her work, anyway. All that effort, she thinks to herself, all that time, for nothing.

“It will take time,” her favorite professor, Dr. Hudson, had reassured her three months after the Joni Mitchell article was submitted. “Every great writer faced countless rejection until that one piece. Yours will come. Keep your eyes open and your pen ready.”

Alani sighs and lifts herself off the floor, choosing to crawl into her unmade bed instead of slumping onto the hardwood. She hears a soft scratching at the door before her King Charles Spaniel, Freddie, pads into the room.

“Come here, bubs,” Alani whispers. He obeys and burrows into the duvet, giving her temple a gentle lick before nuzzling into the nape of her neck.

“You still love me, right?” she asks, voice cracking. “Even if I’m a failure?”

Freddie sniffs her ear in response.

********

“Right,” Harry says, his tongue peeking from the corner of his mouth as he reads the map. “No, left, sorry,”

“Do you actually know how to read a map?” Jeff teases, correcting the turn.

Harry pouts in response, his brows furrowing. “In my defense, we’re literally in the middle of fucking nowhere,”

“There are worse places to be,” Mitch pipes up from the back seat. “England, for example, where they say things like ‘litchrally’,”

“Very well said, Mitchell,” Jeff Bhasker adds with a fake British accent of his own.

Harry turns to his friends in the back seat with a finger pointed like an agitated mother. “If you lot don’t shut up, I’m gonna lead us to a volcano and push you in,”

“Where are we even going? I forgot,” Tom complains.

“To get food,” his manager responds from the driver’s seat. “I think,”

“Why can’t we just stop there?” Mitch asks pointing to a café pulling up on their right.

Jeff merges into the turning lane quickly without a second thought. “Good enough for me, I’m starving.”

“Sorry, H.” Mitch pats his friend on the shoulder.

Harry scoffs. “You’re the one who wanted poke.”

The Aloha Nui Loa Café is much more spacious than the exterior suggests, yet it still feels cozy. The walls are painted sage green and adorned with various local art pieces, as described by the plaques that accompany them. A skylight fills the center of the room with plenty of warm lighting, leaving the space along the walls in a bit more shade for an intimate feel. In one corner, a hanging disco ball leaves freckles of sparkling light along the walls where the sunlight hits, making the whole image very idyllic in Harry’s mind. As if he couldn’t enjoy the setting more, he hears the beginning of an Otis Redding song that he’s had stuck in his head drift through the restaurant speakers.

“Welcome in!” a voice calls, which pulls him from his survey of the room. His head whips to the source—a girl around his age with wavy, dark hair and honey skin. “For here or to go?”

Harry takes a hesitant step up to the counter. “For here,”

She smiles warmly and pulls some menus from under the counter. “How many in your party?”

“Five.”

“Great, follow me.”

Harry and his friends follow the waitress to the corner of the room under the disco ball and take their seats at the round table.

“My name is Alani,” she introduces herself, setting the menus down. “I’ll be serving you today. Can I get you started with some drinks?”

Harry continues scanning the restaurant while his group orders. His eyes land on the shirt that Alani is wearing, a white tee with the words “Enjoy Health, Eat Your Honey” in blue lettering that surrounds a picture of a cartoon bee.

“Harry,” Jeff says gently, catching his drifting attention.

The singer turns to his manager, who nods to Alani waiting with a pen pressed to her notepad. Harry feels a rush of embarrassment creep across his cheeks and he clears his throat to cover it.

“Just water,” he says, eyes glued to the menu. “Thanks.”

“You got it.” Alani nods, flashing a toothy grin at the rest of the group before turning back to the kitchen. Harry. Her mind repeats, finding a hint of familiarity, though she doesn’t know why.

When Alani arrives at the drink station, she finds her sister staring at her, mouth agape, while Maleah unsuccessfully conceals her laughter.

“What?” she questions, checking herself for any embarrassing stains or smells.

“You were—and he—” Pua stammers. “He was—and then he—”

“That’s Harry Styles,” Maleah translates, her voice hushed as she peers over her friend's shoulder.

Alani turns to steal a glance at the table she just seated, but Pua and Maleah latch onto her and shake their heads frantically.

“Don’t look!” her sister hisses.

Alani smirks, amused at their reactions. “No shit. That’s One Direction?”

Maleah snorts, clasping a hand over her mouth as Pua huffs. “No, dumbass! It’s just Harry. I don’t know who the other guys are,”

“But the blonde guy? That’s not—?”

“No!” Pua and Maleah giggle in unison.

“Okay, geez,” Alani relents. She manages to steal a quick glance at the table over her shoulder, immediately searching for Harry. Her eyes scan over the long, curly hair kept out of his face by a pair of white sunglasses that she had seen on Kurt Cobain once. All of his features are sharp and striking, from his pointed nose and defined jawline to the bright blue eyes. Or maybe they were grey? Alani wonders, trying to remember the exact shade. He doesn’t look anything like the fresh-faced teeny bopper she’d had in mind, the one from a music video her sister had shown her a long time ago. She would have never guessed that the What Makes You Beautiful singer had so much dark ink trailing down his bicep and forearm, though her knowledge of One Direction was very limited.

“What did he order?” Pua questions, her eyes wide.

Alani quickly snaps back to reality and resumes filling the drinks. “A water,”

“Oh my god,” Maleah swoons. “I’m never drinking anything else ever again,”

“I didn’t even know you liked him,” Alani teases with an eyebrow raised.

Maleah sneaks another peek at the table and catches her lower lip between her teeth. “I mean, I didn’t really think so either but look at him. What a fucking dream,”

Harry was objectively handsome, this Alani could admit, but she personally didn’t see the appeal and had a strong feeling that he was just like every other male celebrity. The fact that he hadn’t even bothered to make eye contact with her only served as further proof of what she knew to be true.

“Okay, well, your dreamboat is waiting for his water. So excuse me,” Alani winks, making her way back to the table.

The singer spots Alani returning out of the corner of his eye and the sight of her causes a strange flutter in the pit of his stomach that makes him want to duck for cover. Instead, he pulls his phone from his back pocket and pretends to be occupied with something on the screen.

“Okay,” she greets, setting the drink tray down. “I have a Blue Hawaii, a Mango Mama, two Loco Cocos, and a water,”

The group graciously accepts their drinks with a chorus of “thank you," but the only one under Alani’s scrutiny is Harry. He still doesn’t meet her almond eyes, and though she figured he wouldn’t, she can’t help the inkling of disappointment that washes over her. After taking their meal orders, Alani heads back to the kitchen, checking on her other customers along the way. Harry’s eyes follow her and he observes the way customers light up at her presence, indulging her conversation with laughter. He watches as she lingers by the jukebox in one corner of the room, a detail he had missed in his initial scan, and waits anxiously to see what song she chooses. Baby I’m-a Want You begins softly and Harry feels the corner of his lip curl ever so slightly. Good choice, he thinks.

********

“He’s still here,” Pua muses, peering through the tiny window in the kitchen door. It had been nearly two hours and the five men were still seated around their table cracking jokes and doing a lot of talking with their hands.

Alani doesn’t look up from her bowl of sliced kiwis, offering a hum in response. “And what do you want me to do about that?”

“Nothing,” Pua shoots back. “Don’t bother him,”

“What kind of girls do you think he’s into?” Maleah asks, attempting to peek through the window.

Alani shrugs, bored of the conversation and of thinking about Harry. “I don’t know, but I’ll bet he’s a real sucker for the ones who stalk him while he’s eating,”

“How does he make eating a salad look hot?”

“Can we talk about something else now?” Alani whines, poking holes in a lone kiwi with her fork.

Pua tosses a wet dish rag in her sister’s direction and cheers when it lands in her face. “Go see if he wants more water, he looks thirsty.”

“I already refilled it,” Alani defends. “Twenty minutes ago. I’ve refilled it a hundred times, I’m surprised he hasn’t peed his pants.”

I’m gonna piss myself. Harry thinks, his right leg bouncing to distract himself. He really wasn’t all that thirsty, but he couldn’t stop himself from finishing each glass of water that Alani placed in front of him. He really wasn’t all that thirsty, but he couldn’t stop himself from finishing each glass of water that Alani placed in front of him. Like clockwork, she would return to fill his glass almost as soon as the last drop had been drained, and so what began as a little experiment slowly turned into a bladder hazard. But if the trend was to be trusted, she would be back any minute and he wasn’t going to miss it; afterall, there were only so many ways to casually linger in a small café without making it weird. Unable to bear it any longer, he heads to the restroom and hopes that Alani doesn’t clear their table before he has a chance to see her again.

Harry pads down the back hallway with his eyes cast down at the floor, which proves to be a mistake when he walks directly into another person.

“Sorry!” they both apologize quickly, Harry’s palm taking purchase on the other person’s upper arm.

“I wasn’t paying attention,” he offers, finally meeting the dark, mocha eyes already looking back at him.

Alani presses her lips into a tight smile. “Me either,”

Harry’s heartbeat picks up when he realizes it’s her, and he isn’t aware of how close they’re standing until he detects the faint scent of kiwi on her breath. He takes a step back and rakes a hand through his hair.

“So I guess I’ll just—”

“Yeah, sure.”

Green. Alani notes to herself. His eyes are green.

********

Shortly after Harry returned from the restroom, him and his friends settled their bill and headed out. Alani cleared their table and her eyes nearly fell out of her head when she saw the hefty tip left behind. The word mahalo was also left behind on the receipt, underlined twice, and she wondered if it was his handwriting.

Later that night, she settled into bed with her laptop and hesitantly typed his name into Google. As she expected, countless articles about the split of One Direction emerged, most of them speculating what was next for each member. To her surprise, however, Harry’s name seemed to be mentioned more than his fellow bandmates as various sources labeled him “the next Justin Timberlake” and rising star of the group. Upon further investigation, she learned that the demand for information about the elusive Harry Styles was high, especially concerning any possible solo music. No news had yet been confirmed by Styles himself, nor anyone claiming to represent him, but she still wondered if his presence in Hawaii had anything to do with a possible solo project. Almost as soon as she thought it, Alani dismissed the theory in favor of the idea that he was most likely just taking a vacation. And from the buzz that she saw surrounding the news about One Direction, she couldn’t blame him.

The more Alani read, the more she wanted to know, and something deep down told her that his was a story worth telling. Of course, the only problem was that she had hardly talked to him, and there were only so many things she could say about the fifteen glasses of water he downed. There was no way of knowing if she would ever see him again, either, or if he was merely stopping in Hilo on his way to another island or somewhere else entirely. Alani sighed, thinking back to her most recent rejection from Rolling Stone. She knew that there was no possible way she would ever see or talk to Harry ever again, and even if she did, why would he bare his entire soul to a stranger? Still, she let her mind wander through the possibility.

Dear Ms. Hale, the letter would read, we are very grateful to have received your submission to Rolling Stone magazine and are pleased to inform you that your piece on Harry Styles will be featured in next month’s issue. Additionally, we would be honored to have you on staff, effective immediately.

It was far-fetched, Alani knew this, but she dozed off that night with endless ideas swimming in her head.

********

By the third day after his visit, the only trace of Harry is in Alani’s search history. She would have completely forgotten about him if it weren’t for her sister’s constant reminiscing and multiple attempts to rename the house salad to the “Harry Special.” As a result, a part of Alani’s thoughts periodically linger back to that day and the subsequent hours spent on Google that she’d rationalized as research instead of stalking. Somehow the knowledge that she’ll never see him again only adds fuel to the questions still burning in her mind, but a customer clearing their throat while she sorts menus below the hostess podium interrupts her thoughts.

“Welcome in!” She calls, standing. “What can I—”

She stops in her tracks, unable to believe her eyes. Harry blinks and waits for her to continue.

“What can I get started for you?” Alani tries again, hoping that he hadn’t noticed her shock. Luckily for her, Harry had been too focused on choosing his next words to register her mistake.

“What’s in the Honu smoothie?” he asks, mentally kicking himself for asking such a stupid question when the menu just inches above her head clearly spells it out.

Alani hums, thinking back to the times she had made the smoothie herself. “Kiwis, spinach, mango, avocado, and a hint of lime,”

“I’ll take one of those,” Harry says, reaching for his wallet.

Alani punches in the order with trembling fingers and nods. “For here or to go?”

“To go,”

Disappointment fills her chest. Sure, she hadn’t planned on seeing him ever again, but the fact that she did felt like a sign. If she wanted to take the chance, she’d have to do it fast.

“Anything else?” she asks, weighing her options while he skims the menu.

“No thanks.”

Alani makes the smoothie quickly, head spinning. She had spent most of the night after their initial meeting planning out exactly the type of questions she hoped to ask him and what kind of article she would write. She was used to writing about what she knew—artists and music she’d admired for years— but she figured that starting fresh with someone she hardly knew would be a good challenge. Not to mention that it seemed like just the thing Rolling Stone would jump for. Alani finally works up the courage as she finishes his smoothie, but when she returns to hand it to him and hopefully strike up a conversation, his ear is pressed to his cell phone. She holds out the drink and he graciously accepts, giving her a small nod as a “thank you” and rushing out of the restaurant.

Two days later he returns and is seated at the counter, typing away on his phone. Alani feels both a rush of optimism and annoyance at the universe for dangling his presence so unexpectedly. She starts heading over to him, but Maleah cuts in.

“Trade me?” she proposes, eyes wide.

Alani blinks. “Oh, I would but I—”

“Please,” her best friend pouts. “I’m leaving to see my grandparents in stupid California for two months. Who knows when I’ll get the chance to see him again?”

Alani sighs, but gives in, reluctantly exchanging Harry for the family of four seated by the window. A strange feeling settles into the pit of his stomach when he sees that she heads in the opposite direction after a hushed conversation with another waitress. He doesn’t know why she traded him for a different customer, but he takes the hint.

A week goes by without another sighting of Harry and Alani has permanently taken on the role of greeting hostess in hopes of seeing him again. Her heartbeat temporarily speeds up when she sees a long haired customer approach the door, but her spirits quickly fall when the face doesn’t match his.

Another week brings another disappointing realization that Harry might be gone for good. One rainy morning when the restaurant is quiet and only two customers huddle together in a booth near the back, Alani hunches over the hostess podium and doodles on a stray receipt— a sunflower, a crescent moon, and two hearts. The bell above the door jingles but she doesn’t look up, too absorbed in her scribbles.

“Do you serve coffee?”

The familiar accented voice stops Alani’s pen dead in its tracks. She lifts her eyes first to confirm, and then straightens up when she sees that her ears haven’t deceived her.

“Yes,” she swallows.

“Great. I’ll take it to go,”

She slightly deflates, but Harry thinks he’s reading too much into it.

“Actually,” he corrects anyway, just in case he isn’t. “I think I’ll stay for a while,”

Alani flashes a warm smile and nods in the direction of the counter. “Right this way,”

Harry sheds his windbreaker onto the back of the seat, revealing a black and white Rolling Stones t-shirt that makes Alani’s blood pressure rise. A sign, she thinks.

“What do you want in your coffee?” she questions carefully.

“Nothing,” he responds, shaking out his damp hair gently. “Or actually, uh, butter...if you have some,”

Alani blinks, not sure if she’d heard correctly or if there had been some transatlantic miscommunication.

“Butter?”

“Yeah,”

“Like the—”

“Spread, yeah,” Harry confirms. “It’s weird, I know,”

She lets out a light-hearted laugh and nods. “It’s a...unique request,”

“I thought the same thing at first,” Harry confides. “It’s not bad, actually. But maybe I’ve just been in L.A. for too long.”

“I’ll take your word for it.”

She offers a polite smile and heads to the kitchen where the cook and two other waiters talk amongst each other. Alani is grateful that the restaurant is slow this morning because she knows that it means minimal interruptions to her time with Harry. To ensure this, though, she asks one of the other waiters to cover the podium and returns to Harry with his coffee.

“One butter coffee, free of judgement,” the waitress announces, setting it down.

Harry grins softly, stirring the drink with the spoon Alani provided. “You can judge, it’s alright,”

“I just wanna know why,”

The coffee had been part of a fad diet while on tour in order to boost Harry’s energy on stage and stay trim for the hundreds of photo-ops he would be a part of. He doesn’t know how to communicate all of this to Alani, however, not sure how much she knows about that part of him, so he shrugs and tells a simplified version of the truth.

“I read about this trend a while back, it's called bulletproof coffee. Supposed to get your energy up and I needed it for my job,”

“Which is…” Alani trails off, downplaying the knowledge that she had acquired from Google.

“I make music,” is all Harry says and he takes a sip of the drink to avoid elaborating.

“Anything I would have heard?”

He swallows hard and listens to the faint rumbling of thunder outside before replying. “Possibly,”

“Try me,” Alani challenges.

He narrows his eyes and takes another sip of coffee. “Why don’t you tell me something about yourself first?”

“What do you wanna know?”

Everything, Harry responds internally, though he reigns it in. “How you got into waitressing,”

Alani sighs, resting her elbows on the counter across from him. “There’s not much to tell, it’s a family business. What I really wanna do is write,”

“Music?”

“Articles. I’m studying Journalism at UH,”

Harry hums in response, filing the detail away in the back of his mind. “Sounds interesting. You ever publish anything?”

“Not yet,” Alani shakes her head gently, toying with the sleeves of her green University of Hawaii crewneck. “Hopefully soon, though,”

Harry racks his brain for something else to say, but before he can, Alani speaks up again.

“Is it my turn to ask something now?”

He offers a curt nod and stirs his coffee.

“What kind of music do you write?”

Harry chooses to be vague again. “Different stuff. Pop, usually. Been messing with some classic rock, though,”

“Explains the shirt,”

He peers down at the design on his tee and agrees. “Yeah, I guess so,”

“Do you like it?” Alani asks, her eyes begging to make contact with his again. “Writing music, I mean,”

“Yeah,” Harry confirms, tapping his spoon against the rim of the mug. “I really do,”

Alani’s heart pounds. This is her chance, a moment to finally secure her breakthrough piece. She doesn’t know how to approach it, so she opts to dive right in without looking back. The worst he can say is no.

“Can I ask you something else?”

“That’s cheating,” Harry teases lightly. “It's my turn,”

She pouts playfully, but obliges. “Fire away,”

Harry doesn’t know which question to ask first, but when he glances down at the crescent moon inked on her wrist, he decides to start there.

“What’s with the moon tattoo?”

Alani isn’t sure what she expected him to ask and wonders what purpose such a detail could possibly serve him, but she answers anyway.

“Oh, well,” she begins, tracing her index finger over the outline. “It’s kinda the meaning of my full name. It’s Mahealani, Hawaiian for ‘heavenly moon,'”

Fitting, Harry comments to himself. Every detail he learns about her makes him want to learn that much more, from her favorite foods to the last thing she thinks about before falling asleep. Studying her expectant eyes, he suddenly remembers that it’s his turn to respond.

“That’s cool,” is all he says.

Alani doesn’t know what to make of the faraway look in his eye, but she decides to pose her most burning question while he appears to be in good spirits.

“I know this is gonna sound totally out of the blue,” she starts, working past the lump in her throat. “But when you mentioned how you write music, I was just reminded of this assignment I’m working on in my class,”

Harry waits for her to continue, nursing his now lukewarm coffee.

“I’m supposed to write a piece about someone who I don’t know that well,” she continues. “You know, to practice our interviewing skills. And, well, I was just kind of wondering if you might be interested in helping me out—being the subject, I mean,”

Alani had every intention of telling Harry the truth, about how she really planned to submit the article to Rolling Stone in hopes of securing an internship before her college graduation next Spring. But as she started speaking, she quickly realized how it would come off: a complete stranger asking for personal information to submit to a well-known publication. She knew that there was a chance he would shut down and never return, so she lowered the stakes and hoped that this route would be less risky. Was it ethical? Alani hadn’t decided yet, but she would work out the details later. After six failed articles and two years of rejection, she saw a ray of hope and wasn’t going to let it slip away.

Harry ponders her offer for a moment, which confirms that she had recognized him. Normally he would be off-put by such a request, and to a certain extent he is, but there is something sincere in her voice that he trusts deep down. Before he agrees, however, he decides to fish around a bit to test her reaction.

“You know who I am,” he says gently. “Don’t you?”

Alani’s heart drops into the pit of her stomach, not sure what to say next. She hopes with every fiber of her being that she hasn’t upset him, or worse, ruined her chances, so she decides to offer some truth to throw him off her scent.

“My sister recognized you,” she explains. “That day you came in with your friends. I thought they were your bandmates at first,”

This lets Harry know that she isn’t a total stalker, which is comforting, but he wouldn’t have been minded if she were a fan simply engaging in conversation.

“Oh,” he laughs weakly.

“I totally understand if you say no,” Alani offers quickly, trying to smooth things over. “I just thought it was worth a shot. And that it might be more interesting than interviewing our produce guy,”

Harry decides to give her one last scan for any sign of insincerity. He’d always felt that his gut instinct was strong and it hadn’t led him astray thus far.

“An interview?” he clarifies.

“Just one,” Alani promises. “An hour, tops. And you can proofread all of it once I’ve finished, too.”

Harry waits a beat, already knowing his reply, but he wants to see how she will react to his silence. She doesn’t budge, almond eyes set and determined.

“Okay.”

next chapter

[serenityseventeen]

Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Tenth Letter

----------------

To: Lee Seokmin

From: Y/N

Hi, Seokmin.

I have so many things I want to ask you but for this letter to you, I want to start at the beginning. The beginning of us. To me, you've been only sweet and caring and I couldn't have asked for more. I still respect your decision and I hope you won't regret choosing your dream over me.

I'm sure the public will love your voice just as much as I do. I still have the videos and mp3 files of your covers because your voice is just so utterly beautiful that I can't delete it, even though we broke up. Since I can't support you, an unborn artist, as your girlfriend, I'll support you as a fan.

When we first met, I was truly amazed by your vocals. I'm sure you noticed me staring because you looked at me and smiled at me while singing. At first, I was wondering why you were looking at me when there was everyone else in the crowd; and I later got the answer to that after.

I already told you this but yeah, because of you, I was late for my job interview. It was just for a part-time job and even though I needed a night job, I couldn't help but stop and listen to you sing.

At that time, I was having a stressful time. I had broken up with my boyfriend a few months ago and I wasn't fully over that yet. My dad was hospitalized for Cancer and I felt like I had no one to lean on.

Even though I was having a hard time then, I couldn't cry. I always thought that maybe it was because the hardships made me grow stronger. I thought that maybe I've cried too much in my life and now I just couldn't cry.

But when I heard your voice, my heart was aching, wrenching, and I just couldn't stop listening to it. I've always loved music but for some reason, your voice became a better medicine to me.

You were looking at me in that crowd when we first met because I had a tear rolling down my cheek. With fairy lights on the wall lighting up the corner of the store where you busked, I was crying because of the emotion and beauty in your voice.

At that time, after you performed, you asked me why I was crying. I lied and said it was because your performance was beautiful. This was the true reason behind it that I never got to tell you.

I still remember your pure eyes and sunshine-like smile. It was so bright. Your smile felt like a ray of sunshine slipping into my life that was a dark hole, offering me a hand.

Since I needed that hand, I accepted it. I reached for it and took it. That's how I would describe how we got together. You helped me smile with your pure, funny, and warm personality, and because of that smile, I could love you to the fullest.

You made me realize that sometimes, people need other people to help them cope with their problems. This realization caused me a bit of regret but I'm grateful that loving you could teach me this valuable lesson.

Seokmin, you were such a sweet and warm boyfriend.

For dates, whenever we did have time, you would bring me to the most memorable places. We would spend the day together having fun. Each place you picked left a memorable trace.

You were patient with me and didn't ask for much from me, which made me want to love you without any regrets. Sometimes it would be up to a week and a half before we saw each other again but each time you saw me, there was an even brighter smile on your face.

Our first kiss was at the beach and you took me there to help me refresh my mind. You were always thinking about me. When you took me to see the ocean, I felt it then, that I had to love you wholeheartedly.

That's why while we were sitting on the rocks, I brought your face to mine and kissed you. You must've been shocked at first but then you brought your hand to my jaw, massaging it gently, and began kissing me back sweetly. My heart was racing and that's when I was sure that I fell for you.

We celebrated Halloween together, dressing up as a ghost couple and I still remember the amount of fun I had painting your face with white. You were so playful and full of youth that I couldn't help but kiss you then too. My face got white paint over it because of you but I still enjoyed it.

Whenever you were busking, I would come to watch you and record you so proudly. Sometimes, I would be so sure that you were singing a specific song for me. It was like your way of saying “I love you”.

Even if you didn't tell me that you were busking, I would just happen to pass by and hear your beautiful voice. Once I heard your voice, I had to stop and find it.

With you, I was able to forget everything and have fun amidst my life crisis. You supported me with every choice I made. You gave me confidence and whenever I was on the verge of breaking down, you came to me.

I remember this one time where I was out just wandering in a park at night blankly because my father's condition worsened suddenly. I was ignoring your calls and I didn't have enough money, everything was falling apart.

I don't know how you found me that night but as I was wandering in the dark silence, I heard your beautiful voice call my name. When I turned around, you had already run close enough to pull me into your arms.

I burst into tears while buried in your chest with your hand reassuring me by patting the back of my head. You repeated softly, “It'll be okay, I'm here for you.”

In the winters, you would come and wait by my dorm early in the morning, knowing that I needed to work a morning shift. You gave me a beautiful red scarf and would always warm my cheeks up with heating pads.

I still remember the first time you came to my dorm unauthorized and waited for me in the cold. Your cheeks and the tip of your nose were cold and pink but once you saw me, a bright smile lit up your face.

You came to me with a beautiful smile and reached out your cold hands to my cheek.

“You shouldn't be dressed so poorly for this weather,” You took out the red knitted scarf from a bag and wrapped it around my shoulders, then with a hot pack in each hand, you cupped my cheeks.

I was surprised, that's why I couldn't say anything back then.

You then gently bumped your forehead against mine and smiled purely. “Have a good day at work, call me when you finish, okay?” You said, smiling softly.

I just nodded and didn't thank you until you started leaving. You turned around and smiled at me again, making me melt. Then, you waved at me and continued walking away.

Now I know why you did such a thing for me.

I was so happy to know that someone was caring for me. It made me delighted to know that that person was you, the man that I loved. With your blissful, blessing voice, I just fell more and more in love.

I just remember thinking, ‘this is it,’ and that you and I would have our happy ending.

I'm not disappointed that we didn't get the happy ending that I wanted but even though we didn't, life has more opportunities for both of us. Maybe a happy ending wouldn't come just yet because, from the looks of it, our journeys are just unfolding.

Since you were there for me and supported me in everything I did, when you came to me and asked if you should join an entertainment company, I wanted to support you too. You made me happy so if your dream was happiness, then I supported it.

“Y/N, should I join an entertainment agency?” I remember you asking me.

I didn't know how to reply then. I didn't want you to go but I then realized that I couldn't keep you here either.

“You can if you want to.”

“If I join one, I can't date you.”

“If it's your dream, then it's fine. Just remember me.”

You didn't reply for a bit.

“Are you sure it's okay? I love you and I don't want to leave you but...”

“If this is your only chance, take it.”

I smiled at you.

Seokmin, I'm glad that you were able to join the entertainment agency that you auditioned for.

I thought that when we broke up I would cry but I didn't. I was happy. I was happy for you and reminiscing everything that made me happy was enough. Being with you left enough memories for me to stay happy for a while.

Whenever I miss you during these lonely snowy nights, I listen to and watch your covers. It's almost hard to believe that I loved someone like you for a short while. Seeing you again in my gallery seemed like you were an angel who came to heal me.

I'm sincerely grateful to you, Seokmin. I love you too, Seokmin. I miss you too, Seokmin.

Are you eating well? Make sure you take care of your voice. Are you happy yet? Have you made any friends?

I hope that you'll reach your dream soon.

I'm sure that training is hard but I'll wait for the day I can hear your voice live again; not from the videos on my phone, but a local TV station, or someone else's phone. I'll wait for that day.

For now, I'll stay your biggest fan.

I'll still love you. My love for you will never change, even if I meet someone else. I'll love you as a fan.

All I can do now isn't much, and though you probably don't know, I'm cheering for you. I still am. I'm your biggest supporter.

I won't try to fall out of love with you.

I'm sure I'll recognize you on the day your dream comes true.

Yours truly,

Y/N

-----------------

© serenityseventeen

7/4/21 - 3:59 pm

a/n: Happy July 4th. My family originally had plans today but apparently, we haven't done anything according to our plan? Whatever, I'm excited to see fireworks. + Perfect timing, our Kyeom has Instagram now and gosh can he stop being so cute!?

[samshogwarts]

My review of 2020

Or: I say thank you.

First of all, sorry for the long post 😅. You guys know I don'tike long posts without a "read more under the line". But I nade the post with my mobile phone.... Aaaaaaaanyway. Also sorry for all the tags. I hope I don't annoyed someone with it <~<. So let's continue:

I think this year has been a particularly difficult year for everyone. As 2020 is drawing to a close, I mentally let the year pass again.

The bottom line is that I have to say that 2020 was turbulent for me, but not necessarily bad. Much good, but also bad, has happened. And I want to start with the bad things right away.

At the beginning of the year, my depression and eating disorder relapsed. I've always had trouble talking about it because I know my friends can't handle this issue. I felt pressured because they wanted to do things with me, but I couldn't. So I withdrew completely, hiding my emotions and wearing a mask.

At that time I created this blog. At first I didn't want to create my own content, just follow the content of @ladycibia, @hogwartsmystory and @kyril-hphm. Incidentally, that is also the reason why I call these 3 blogs the Big Three. So it's their fault that I'm here. Lol.

And then the first Hyops message came at the end of March. A very good friend of mine got Corvid-19 and lost the battle against the disease a few days later. I still remember how the news pulled the floor from under my feet. It feels like I completely lost faith in everything and I started to realize how dangerous this year could be. 

But life goes on and so I visited a friend and her family in early July. It was the anniversary of her husband's death, who was also a very good friend of mine. He died of cancer last year and I couldn't go to his funeral. So I wanted to stop by on the day he died. I actually thought I could do it. But when you read a friend's name on a tombstone for the first time.. Guys, that's a punch in the stomach like no other and I can't really describe how it feels. I had made up my mind not to cry in front of his wife or children because it was hard enough for them. Didn't work.

And of course this year meant to go one better.

Another friend of mine died of the virus in mid-August, leaving behind a wife and a child. Again, I was unable to attend the funeral. And to be honest, it still bothers me way more I want to admit. In two years I lost three wonderful people who meant a lot to me and I couldn't say goodbye to any of them. When I see the three of them again after my death, you can be sure I'll kick their butts for it.

But August was the worst month for me in many ways. In addition to the death of my buddy, my father's family also volunteered. And that means only one thing - trouble.  And properly. I haven't had contact with this family for over 12 years for good reason. Now one person from this family has passed away. And first of all, I don't really care if anyone of them would die. I don't even know the person who passed away. But I wasn't told either by my grandmother or my father. So my deadline to cancel the inheritance has expired. Of course it was debts. You have to know that the inheritance rights of my country are very complicated. The reason my father or grandmother didn't tell me about it was because they didn't want to bother with the paperwork. They always had the opportunity to contact me via Facebook or my half-sister. But that would mean work for them. And while I was walking from lawyer to lawyer to court to court, I was allowed to hear sayings from my grandmother that I apparently have achieved nothing in my life. Nice to know that some people never change. I'm still struggling with this matter to this day and will probably not be able to fully clarify this until the beginning of 2021.

At the end of October everything seemed to be taking its revenge and I passed out at a friend's house. Nobody knows exactly what happened until today, but my friend took me to the hospital where I had to stay one night. That was Halloween. And I'm such a big fan of hospitals hahahaha hahahaha. After that I was allowed to wear an ECG for 2 weeks and it turned out that my heart values ​​had deteriorated. Why not. Let's just take everything with us this year!

Rounding out the negatives this year was my (as a teenager) best friend's suicide. I have to say that I haven't had any contact with this person for 9 years. However, it is the one who cut herself in her youth and then called me afterwards because she didn't know what to do. It was also the one I tried to get into therapy for 2 years. But her mother was always against it. And it was exactly this mother who was standing in my mother's shop, telling her about her daughter's suicide and that I was probably in the farewell letter. I don't know exactly what it said, but the mother now blames me for her daughter's suicide. And do you know what's craziest about the whole thing? I agreed with her! I really thought it was my fault because I knew how sick my former friend was. Yet I was the one who ended the friendship (for many reasons that had nothing to do with her depression). And I still wonder what would have happened if I had acted differently.

But enough of the negative things! A lot of nice things happened this year too. Among other things, I have found a new job within my group, earn more money and have pleasant working hours. I've renovated my apartment and I've started saving money on a new one. My two nieces are now going to school and I am a proud aunt. My male best friend and his girlfriend (my best harry potter friend) are pregnant and are expecting their first child soon and my mother's health is better.

But one of the best things that happened to me this year is this blog.

I already mentioned that I actually only created this blog to stalk the Big Three. I didn't want my own content at all. But I discovered more and more blogs and these incredibly great MCs that I thought I wanted to do whole too. And so Samantha O'Connell was born.

I received so much great support and encouragement on this platform. I don't think many people even realize how much that means to me. Especially this year.

I have also found great and lovable people here, some of whom I also call my friends. Even if we come from other countries, speak other languages ​​and may never see each other in real life, you are my friends and I am grateful to know you.

@annabelle-tanaka-official : I'll start with you of course! XD on tumblr you are just my best friend. I don't write as much with anyone as I do with you. You are such an incredibly talented person and so warm hearted! Over the year we have invented so many insiders that soon nobody will know what we mean.  Be it the monster hug, or that my cats are your spies or our many RP scenarios, which I really enjoy and which always make me laugh. I thank you for that!! I love you so much and I am so glad that we are friends! *minster hug*

@lunasilvermorny / @lunasilvermore : you are next to you !!! XD the next person I write to almost every day. What started with a little conversation about among us has turned into a friendship. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to streaming with you next year (and this year)!!! You are such a good listener that strengthens me. Your support is so nice of you too! Just the fact that you have subscribed to my YouTube channel xD (because of the language I even have an idea). I'm looking forward to the next year with you! Thank you so much for dealing with my craziness and still likes me! 

@kyril-hphm : muahahahaha. You can't escape me !!! Yes, what should I say? One of my big three even made friends with me. One of my Senpais noticed me! And then it's a lovely fluffy marshmallow! I still think it's funny  that we have such similar circuits and hearts! Nevertheless you are an incredibly honest, loving and talented person. I've never told you before, but sometimes I stare (for 20 minutes +) at your drawings to improve my style (just not working so far). You are an honest person and I am happy every time we talk, or when you react to my content. I would like to say thank you for that too! You are great and you can trust yourself more.

@carewyncromwell : my Chinese fireball, my Disney princess. Yes, for me you exude the aura of a Disney princess and nothing can change my mind. So! You were one of the first friends I made here on tumblr and one of the first to write with me! I still remember how proud and nervous I was back then! Just when I was in the hospital on Halloween and couldn't sleep that night, you kept texting me and distracting me from my fear. That means a lot to me. You are such a creative and lovable person too. Ah, that's just amazing. Your comments or hashtags always make me grin or laugh. Thank you for all your support and help!

@catohphm : my fluffier Ravenclaw brother!!! Of course you can't be missing either. I also write with you almost every day and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kind words and your support. I just love the energy between Samantha and Cato. And it's always fun to write RP with you!  Thank you for being such a lovely and kind person!

@mira-shard : MIRAAAAAAA! It's kind of funny how long we've basically walked next to each other without talking to each other. And now I don't want to miss you anymore! You are such a fun and happy person. Writing with you is just fun! I also love your cosplay photos. Someday I'll come to visit you, and then we'll do cosplay shootings together until the camera bleeds! I would also like to thank you for your support and your kindness. 

@sirfluffig : ha. I hope you didn't think you were escaping me! Where should I start with you? Maybe that you were one of the first to give me such lovely feedback on Samantha? Or this super funny stream and that you helped me to stream in English? Or just like that, when we talk about our MCs or pen and paper. It's definitely always fun. I want to thank you for that and I'm looking forward to playing together again soon (get Among us)

@nightrhea-hphm : * run into you in slowmotion * Night! My wonderful supportive Gremlin! I've grown very fond of them over the years. And your support and feedback are just amazing. I also love the friendship between Night and Samantha. I think it's very similar to ours, right? You are also such an incredibly creative and lovable person. You make you feel like it's ok to be who you are. Thank you!

Of course there are many, many more like @rosievixen, @wangxianforever000 , @mollydarling-hphm , @morningstarinwinter , @hogwarts9, @hphm-brooke , @raymondhope-writer , @nikyiscreepy , @immagrosscandy , @mizutoyama , @ariparri-hphm and many many more.

I want to thank you all for your encouragement, support and feedback. You are the reasons why I am adding more and more details to this blog, why I dared to start with the fan comic and many more. 

It's still so amazing for me to meet so many talented, creative, kind and funny people. 

This year showed me again that life isn't just black or white. Life is Grey. Good things and bad things happen. Sometimes one side more than the other side. But as long we are taking the next step, life wl continues. Just keep in mind, as like you support me, I want to support you. So if you ever wanna talk, no matter what, remember you guys can always contact me. 

I'm really looking forward to next year and already have so many plans. I can not wait any longer. Enjoy the last days of the year, stay safe and most important: they the way you are guys! 

Love you all so much. 

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

Hello again! I just wanna say real quick, I love your writing so much and I especially love the love letters you make!❤️ You keep doing you and don't stress ya self!

I hope the Valentine's love letters are still open, cause I would like to send one to Jean cause I love that man so much🥺 if you don't mind of course! (I'm not great at writing letters and the ending was quite hard to do but here it is!)

...

Dear, Jean

I wish we could speak together in person since I'm not quite a good writer, but seeing as you're on the front lines in Marley while I wait for you and the rests to return. It seems this is our only best option.

I do not know when or if you'll even come back dead or alive, or if this letter will only be sent to your dead body. But if it does and you aren't... Alive, I would want someone there to read this letter to you.

I vividly remember entering the scouts all confident in myself, yet skittesh on the inside, thinking that I could never make any friends or get close to anyone in fear that I'll lose them. Yet, even knowing the risk, I somehow became best friends with you when you made a snappy comment at Eren, which made me giggle like a crazy person. And because of that, you decided to stick by me from that moment on.

I remember our first mission together all those years ago. How you saved me from the hands of a titan. I glanced up at you with a glint in my eyes, as you practically glowed form the sunlight while we swinged through the buildings with me in your arms. I remember falling to my knees in front of you, thanking you with all my heart while you pulled me close to you, whispering in my ear that I didn't need to thank you. Yet, I did.

At the time, I always thought you had a thing for Mikasa, which I couldn't blame you. She's amazing in everyway while I was just a shy shaken person. Yet whenever you looked over at her, I felt a sting of pain and sadness strike into my heart. I thought that you would leave me cause I wasn't good enough or for how I acted when u saved me form the titan, but I never said anything about it. At that moment, right after you left the dinner hall, was when I realized I was in love with you.

When we went to clean out the stables, I couldn't hold in my feelings anymore and shyly told you that I liked you as more then a friend. The blush on your face at that moment still brings a good chuckle from me once in a while. After we both awkwardly confessed to eachother, we both leaned our heads into a sweet kiss, our first kiss together. Our faces glistened under the moonlight as it shimmered through the open windows.

You've always found a way to make me laugh or even get a smile from me. It seemed like a mission for you every morning to make me blush by telling me a compliment or a cheesy pick-up line. You knew I get flustered so easily from just a simply compliment, but yet you continued to compliment me, and I'm grateful for that. it's made me feel more confident and happy about myself whenever you flirted or complimented me, and whenever I returned the favor, I would always smirk at your blushing.

And I can never forget our first time together in bed before you left for Marley, where you showered me in compliments, and body praises. I've always felt insecure about my body for my rolls, love handles, and thick thighs. Since all the kids when I was young would bully me for not looking like them. But all of my worries went away that night with you. You pampered me like I was the most gorgeous person you've ever seen, which made me want to cry right then and there. You made me felt like a goddess in that moment from just prasieing and pampering me alone, that it still makes me tear up from time to time since no one has ever treated me like that.

And now here we are.

After you left for Marley, I started to think about our futures together, and like I said in the beginning if you would return dead or alive which makes me worried.

I wish this war with the titans and Marley will end soon so we can be together and start the life we've always talked about. Living far, yet close to the city in a nice house, with our children. I know we've talked about having kids and starting a family before. But I'm for certain that, hopefully, when you return alive that we can make that thought come true maybe, if that's alright with you of course.

However, I know that might not come about. But I'll still hope and wish that it will one day, my love.

Form your beloved daisy, Whitney

My love, 

Whenever the notice comes for letter pickup, I always volunteer. Hoping. Wishing. 

Sorting through Eren’s horribly handwritten letters day after day. I almost didn’t believe my eyes when I saw my name, written like it always is, just like it is back home. I miss you terribly, my love. This mission can’t end fast enough. Chalk it up to Eren being a dumbass as usual. Throttle him when we’re back. 

Now, now baby, what did we say about sad letters? I may be on Captain Levi’s squad, but whose hope and dreams do I carry? We can’t have you fearing for my life each time I leave. I made a promise, to come back, to put a band on that finger of yours and make true all your wishes.

Back when we were still wet behind the ears, what drew me to you was your easygoing nature. That day you had laughed at Eren and I, the mood lightened. We were able get back to work, stop the bickering. I knew from that day that you would be the saving grace of our little group. 

Before you mentioned it, I had forgotten completely about that incident with the titan. Leave it to you to think of such a moment. Did ya fall for me in that moment? When I came in to save you? As much as I would like to save you again, putting you in such a position is out of the question. I nearly lost you that day. Never, ever again. I promised you that day, and I meant every word. 

It is funny how you mention Mikasa. She is tending to Eren, as usual, and asking about you. Something about my ears turning pink and hiding the letter I’m writing from the others. She cares about you, as we all do. Even that blockhead Eren. They can’t wait to see you, Mikasa says. She asks how you’re feeling, and if you’ll be well enough to join us for missions when we’re back. 

I'll have to write the rest when I'm on guard duty alone. You mentioning that kiss, and the best, and worst send off you could have given me on that night is too mean. I can't see you, be with you, or see that blush for a couple more days. Hold out for me. I’ll replace that first kiss in the moonlight with many, many more. 

That night you cried in my arms, I’ll never forget. As I told you then, I’ll tell you again now. You are, the single most beautiful person I have ever met, and I will spend the rest of my days trying to get you to understand, and see what I see every single night as I sleep. 

Next time, I’ll make sure you don’t cry. At least, not for the same reasons. 

I.

I had to take another break after writing that line to you. I fear we must keep the rest of the letter tame, my love. If Connie throws another can of rations at me for having what he calls a “devilish” look on my face, I fear I might actually die. 

Don’t worry so much about us. We’ll be alright. We have the captain, Mikasa, the new recruits, and the commander with us. I’ll be back before you know it. Don’t miss me too much. I’m enclosing two of those kisses you love so much in this letter. That should last you until I’m back to give you real ones. Keep dreamin’ about that little house for me. What flowers would you grow? What colour is the gate? Tell me all about it when I'm back. 

I love you. Don’t forget it. 

I love you. 

Forever yours, 

Jean

((I DUNNO WHAT CAME OVER ME writing this to you! I felt kinda sappy?? I hope you like it!! you gave me so much to work with in terms of memories, and I loved reading it! Thank you so so much for sending this in, and so sorry again for the delay! much, much love, and please feel to send me anything you want in the future! You are, no bother. Ever <3)) 

Valentines Day Event - now closed - sorry for the late delivery! 

[catcze]

*the letter arrived today attached to a small box. Within the box you found a large fleece blanket, dark purple in color with a rose insignia emblazened in a violet hue into the center, and smelling faintly of lavender, a scent your mind immediately associated with Lisa*

Darling I'm sorry for the delay in my response, I've just been so busy lately! I've had half a dozen books go missing in the last 2 days, and rounding them up has been a nightmare.. And to top it off, apparently Klee, bless her heart, one of her treasures caused a small shockwave within the Knights' headquarters, knocking an entire bookshelf over. Jean forced her to help clean it up as repentance, but it still took the three of us a few hours I've hardly had any "me" time today...

That being said, while I was running those errands from work I had this wonderful idea. I know you said that you slept better when we were together, so I asked Albedo for some help. This is one of my blankets from home, that I use daily, so my scent was already on it. Albedo was able to enchant it with his alchemy to make it so the scent will never fade out! I know it's still a far cry from being wrapped up in your girlfriend's embrace, but I hope it will make you happy. I can just imagine your smile as you read this letter, and it makes me so so happy 💜

Venting about having to do actual work aside, life has been so good lately. I'm always in such a good mood, especially since we write so frequently these days. I do still miss you, and I wish you were here. If I started crying, would you come back sooner? I'm just teasing, don't worry. I made sure Sucrose knew that too, otherwise you know that girl would worry about me forever. She's sweet like that, but still nowhere near as sweet as you 💜

Jean and Klee both asked me to tell you they miss you(well those were Jean's words. Klee wants you to know she has a new "treasure" to show you). We all miss you.

I hope you're well when you read this letter, and that the blanket will help. If I'm lucky, it'll tempt you to come return it to me in person in exchange for the real deal, hehehe~💜 I'm going to give you so many kisses when you come back to me, probably more than there are stars in the sky. I think that would be fitting, don't you starlight~? Have you ever thought about that actually; how many things we do infrequently, but if you think about it you've probably done them millions of times in your life? It's so fascinating to me honestly. How many times do you think you've inhaled and exhaled in your life? That number must be in the trillions! Hehe... I'm sleepy rambling again. Time to get sappy.

I love you so much. I wasn't even exaggerating about how many kisses I plan to give you. I miss so much about you; the taste of your lips, that look you give me when I press my finger against your lip(you know what I'm talking about~), your hair, your scent... I'm enamored, infatuated... In love with you. Completely and utterly. I just wish you were here with me now. I'm sorry to get all whiny, I just... I miss you, my rose.

Also because I know you'll worry about it, I have plenty of other blankets, so don't think you've stolen my best one(I have two others identical to the one I've sent you). I want you to have this. I care so so deeply about you and I want you to sleep as wonderfully as you can while you can't be wrapped up in bed with me.

Won't you tell me more also about the adventures you're having? What have you been up to? What things have you seen? I hear they sell cameras in Liyue, if you've been you should definitely get one and start sending me pictures! I want to know more about what my babygirl has been doing~ Anyways, I'll call my letter to a close here, before I run onto another sheet of paper, hehe~💜

I love you princess. So so so much~

Yours Always,

- Lisa 🌺💜

[The envelope that arrives this time is bigger by a few inches, and it seems that it’s been spritzed with vanilla perfume. Opening it shows that there’s more than just the letter in there–– there are several glossy photographs as well. They’re a little amateur, with a few being blurred slightly, but the enthusiasm to take the photos and send them back home is evident. They consist of mundane things like the clouds against the blue sky, the lights of a beautiful city at night reflected on a river, or a picture of some sort of foreign dish, still steaming hot. One picture in particular is simple: a figure contrasted by the light of the setting sun in the background, hands curved together to form a heart shape with their palms and fingers. On the back of this particular photo is written ‘Miss you very much. I promise to come back home soon <3′ and a pretty pink lipstick mark.] 

⠀I hope these photos will suffice, dearest. I’ve picked up a camera as you’ve suggested, but I’m unfortunately still getting used to it. Still, I’ve taken some photographs of some of the everyday things that i see here. Everywhere I look, I can’t help but wish you were accompanying me where I went. But! When I come back, I’ll be sure to bring the camera with me, and we can take plenty of pictures together in Mondstadt. 

⠀Honestly, my day was going rather well. A bit slow, and there was a lack of things to do at one point, but I’m grateful for the rest. I’ve actually stopped at Sumeru, and I’ve settled down here for a bit before I go on my way again. I managed to talk my way into observing several lectures at the Sumeru Academy for a bit, since I got curious about how it was for you when you still attended here. I don’t plan to stay for very long, but one of the scholars who agreed to let me watch has a class tomorrow, and rather bright and early as well. Ah, I do hope I manage to wake up on time, I’d hate to take their hospitality for granted. 

⠀Aside from that, the gift you sent me definitely made my day! The blanket you’ve sent is such a comfort–– much better than the ones I’ve been using. It was a lovely surprise, and it brings back so many memories of my home with you. It’s a wonderful gift, one that I’ll keep by me at all times. Send my thanks to Albedo, as well please, and tell everyone back home that I miss them very much as well (But shhh, don’t let them know that I miss you most of all 💞)

⠀You’ve had a busy day, please rest if you’re tired! As much as I adore you when you’re sappy, I’m sure it wasn’t easy dealing with those missing books and the mess in the library. Promise me you’ll get some rest and dream of me, alright? Dearest, I don’t mind if your letters come a little late, as long as I know you’re well-rested and safe. I hope no one got hurt in the little shockwave and in the fall–– promise me you’re all okay? Much like you would come to me the moment I ask, know that I would also do my best to come back sooner if I hear that you’re sad or hurt. I can’t have your smile disappearing now, can I?

⠀When I come home, I’ll be sure to return every kiss and ounce of affection you give me, sweets. Ah, I miss hearing you call me ‘Starlight’ in person. It always used to send butterflies in my stomach, and even now I get a rush just from reading it. I’m very much in love with you too, dearest. I always will be. I miss you more and more each day that we’re apart, but I suppose that distance makes the heart grow fonder? You make me so happy, and merely thinking about you is enough to lift my spirits. Look at that–– even when we’re apart, you’re still affecting me in such good ways.

⠀Haha, and it makes me glad that you’ve still got blankets to spare. I’d hate to have stolen your best one, after all, though it is sooo comfortable. Your gift means the world to me, dear. Thank you again 💞 I have to stop here as well–– I would hate to make you read so much if you haven’t rested yet. I love you so much as well, and know that I dream of you, Lisa. 

⠀––Catte 💞

[helloalycia]

cheater [two] | kara danvers

summary: just when you thought you were getting over your ex, she manages to find a way to weasel her way back in and make you doubt what you thought you had

warning/s: none.

author's note: I'll be posting part 3 tomorrow (the final part) so stay tuned! I've also got a lena imagine coming up the day after! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! :) 

part one | part three | masterlist | wattpad

Kara was becoming a frequent presence more and more in life as time went on. She was always there for me to count on, even when I didn't know I needed it, and I was extremely grateful. I wasn't even sure why she ever took a liking towards me, but I was lucky she did.

She'd come over to mine every other evening and invited me over to hers as well, and I welcomed the distraction whilst in the healing process of Anna and I's breakup.

I'd see the she-devil around work as little as I could manage, along with her new girlfriend – because of course they were dating now – but I tried not to let it affect me. Every time I found myself self-deprecating, I tried to remember it wasn't my fault. She was just a shitty person.

Eventually I stopped getting pitiful looks off people around the office. It wasn't helping with my self-esteem. Kara was a big help with that though, managing to glare people into looking the other way. It was funny after a while, how she stuck up for me like nobody had before.

I wanted to thank her somehow, for being there for me, but I wasn't sure what to do or how to even go about it. I wanted it to be meaningful, but I was never good at saying things outright. Maybe I could write it, I was always better with written words...

"...could do with a bagel right about now," Kara said, practically salivating at the thought.

I laughed, raising an eyebrow. "We literally just ate lunch. You're always hungry."

"Girl's gotta eat," she said simply, patting her stomach.

I rolled my eyes playfully, looking back to my computer for a moment. I was browsing Amazon for a new bookshelf and I asked Kara over to my desk for her opinion.

"This one," I said, turning my monitor around so she could see. "It doesn't look too hard to put together and it would fit well next to my TV, right?"

She leaned down to get a better look, nodding her head. "Yeah, that could work. Are you good at putting things together?"

I almost snorted. "No way."

"I can help if you want," she said with a laugh. "I'm pretty good at DIY if I do say so myself."

"Cheers." I smiled with amusement, watching how her eyes lit up at my dismay. Worth it.

My smile faded when I heard the irritating voice of Katy. I saw she was in our department, talking to one of the other reporters. Her whole being infuriated me and I could never control my annoyance when I saw her. She glanced at me, smirking, before continuing her chat with whoever.

"I can mix her coffee with laxatives if it makes you feel better," Kara spoke, gaining my attention. It took me a moment to realise what she said, and when I looked at her, I saw the seriousness in her eyes.

I cracked a smile, shaking my head. "You can't do that."

She mirrored my smile, shrugging. "Well, I could, but I shouldn't."

"There should be hearing aids invented that simply tune out her voice," I said, rolling my eyes a little. "She really bugs me."

"Yeah, it sucks, but at least it's a very rare occurrence that she's here," Kara said, trying to find the bright side of things.

"I guess, but– woah!"

I widened my eyes when I saw Kara suddenly reach in front of my face, catching a pencil sharpener in her hand. She looked down to me with concern and also surprise, before looking up to see where it came from.

"Oh my god, Y/N, that was totally my bad," Katy apologised, approaching my desk.

I stared up at her, surprised at the hint of mischief in her expression.

"That was supposed to go to Jack," she continued, pointing to the desk behind me. "I've got terrible aim."

Something told me only half of that was true.

"You should be more careful next time," Kara said, dropping the sharpener into Katy's hand. She was definitely not impressed as she added, "That could have hurt someone."

"Sorry," Katy repeated, flashing us an 'apologetic' smile before leaving to give Jack the sharpener.

I breathed out with relief, only just realising how close of a call that was. I looked to Kara appreciatively.

"Nice reflexes."

"Yeah," she said, half heartedly, still watching Katy with narrowed eyes, before looking to me. "You okay?"

"Thanks to you," I pointed out. "You really are my own personal hero."

Kara smiled, rolling her eyes as if to distract from the pink spreading across her cheeks. "Whatever."

I scrunched my nose, smiling at how cute she looked, before looking back to my computer. "I guess I'm buying a bookshelf. And you're gonna help me, right?"

"Right."

"Awesome."

***

Some more time passed before I realised how I wanted to thank Kara. It wasn't a big deal, nothing flashy or exciting. In fact, it wasn't the best thing ever, but it was all I could think of that didn't seem silly or fake.

I wrote her a letter. It thanked her for being there for me throughout everything, and how her being there brought us closer together as friends which I was grateful for. It said how I was lucky to have her in my life and so was anybody else who had her, too. She was gracious and kind one of those rare, beautiful souls that I couldn't let go by unnoticed without at least thanking properly.

I knew she didn't like big gifts and lavish presents, so I didn't bother. It wouldn't have felt right anyway – I wanted something more personal. So, I had the note ready to give with some flowers and a little Supergirl keyring that was soon to be explained.

I heard her knock on my door after work and that's when I readied the gifts on the kitchen counter.

"Hey," I greeted the blonde when opening the door.

She looked up and smiled brightly when she saw me. "Hey, I found those Jaffa Cakes you said you missed from home on the way here and thought I'd buy them for the movie." She held a packet of Jaffa Cakes in the air excitedly. "What d'you think?"

I stepped to the side to let her in, accepting the Jaffa Cakes, and grinned widely, unable to contain my appreciation.

"Kara, these aren't just something you 'find' on the way here," I told her, looking up to see her staring at me with anticipation. "You would have had to go to some sort of special store or something. Somewhere that specialises in British sweets and stuff."

Kara waved her hand dismissively. "It wasn't that hard."

I raised an eyebrow knowingly.

She suppressed a smile. "Okay, it was a little hard."

I laughed and moved forward, surprising her with a big hug. She chuckled, returning the embrace.

"If I knew Jaffa Cakes would make you this happy, I would've brought you a lot more," she joked as I pulled away.

"I've got something for you," I said, meeting her eyes with excitement.

"Not Jaffa Cakes I hope, otherwise this is embarrassing."

"Kara!"

"I'm kidding, go on," she said, laughing contagiously. "What have you got, Y/N?"

I put the Jaffa Cakes on the kitchen counter before grabbing the three items I wanted to give her.

"Well, that's a lot," Kara joked again, but I saw the appreciation glimmer in her eyes.

"Come sit down," I said, leading her to the couch. She followed and joined me as I sat down, facing her. "This is a thank you gift. It's kind of dumb, a little embarrassing, but I want to give it to you."

Kara had a smile permanently stuck on her face as she watched me. It made me feel a little nervous under her gaze, but I kept going.

"So, I wrote you a letter because I'm really bad at saying things," I explained, holding out the envelope. "English. Saying– speaking English. God, why am I so nervous?"

She laughed and accepted the envelope.

"But yeah, that's everything. So, you can read that first," I finished, nodding.

I watched hesitantly, as she pulled the note from the envelope and opened it up. Her eyebrows scrunched together with concentration as she read, and I knew I'd written a lot but it didn't make me any less patient to see what she'd say afterwards.

After what felt like forever, she looked up with an expression I couldn't read.

"I made it weird, didn't I?" I said, chewing on my lower lip.

Kara pressed her lips together and shook her head. "Y/N... I... you have a wonderful way with words."

I breathed out with relief.

"Thank you for saying those things," she said, resting a hand on mine, sending shivers up my arm. "It was sweet. And you're welcome."

I smiled softly. "I'm glad you like it." I held out the flowers adding, "These are for you. Just a little something extra."

Kara chuckled, accepting the flowers. "They're beautiful."

"And finally, there's this," I said, holding out the little blue box. "It's kinda stupid, but yeah."

She accepted the box, too, opening it up to reveal a Supergirl keychain.

"So, Supergirl is National City's hero, right? Well, I thought it would be funny because you're, well, you're mine. I mean, you helped me through my shitty breakup, and even before then, you've always been a big help with work. I just thought it could be a little reminder that I'm grateful for all the good you do. Like Supergirl, y'know?"

Kara lifted the keychain from the box and laughed, nodding her head. "This is amazing, Y/N. I love it."

"You do?"

"Yes," she said, lowering the keychain and meeting my eyes with her excited blue ones.

"Good. I... good."

She grinned, leaning forward to give me a quick hug. I smiled to myself, glad she liked it. My hammering heartbeat relaxed when we pulled away.

"Now to find a place to put it," she said, making me chuckle. "Wait a minute..." She reached into her coat pocket and pulled out her keys, attaching the keychain onto them, joining a fluffy cat and some other keys. "There. Perfect."

"Perfect."

***

I watched as the barista put whipped cream on my hot chocolate and sprinkled chocolate powder on top, making me excited. It was a chillier day in National City today, so I was picking up a drink on my break at Noonan's when I felt a familiar presence beside me.

"Y/N, hey."

I glanced over my shoulder and swallowed hard when I saw Anna, smiling awkwardly at me.

"Here you go," the barista grabbed my attention, placing my drink in front of me. "Enjoy!"

"Cheers," I said, grabbing my cup, before turning around to see Anna still, watching me. "Er, hey."

"I see you're also on your break," she noted, nodding to the drink in my hand. "Tea?"

I shook my head, still wrapping my head around the fact that we were speaking. I'd been successfully avoiding her for a few months now, and eventually I got over her and what she did to me. I didn't understand why she was attempting to talk to me now though – surely she had gotten the hint?

"Hot chocolate," I corrected her, pursing my lips, unsure whether to leave.

Anna accepted her drink from the barista before glancing at me. "It's been a while since we've spoken. I've been meaning to have a chat with you. I know you didn't want to speak to me, but I thought that it's been a while since then, so maybe you're up for it now?"

I raised my eyebrows. "I don't really know what there is to say, Anna."

"Please," she added, her voice suggesting a hint of desperation. "I won't be long."

I felt the heat from my hot chocolate in my hand remind me that I was going to head back to CatCo, but Anna seemed like she had something important to say. And I felt like I was emotionally mature enough to finally hear her out, or at least be civil with her, for the sake of our work relationship.

"Yeah, sure, okay," I agreed reluctantly, before leading her to a table by the window.

We sat opposite each other, clutching our takeaway cups nervously, unable to meet each other's eyes. Until finally, she spoke.

"You seem well," she said softly, and I could feel her gaze on me, "since, y'know..."

"Since I broke up with you after you cheated on me," I reminded her, meeting her eyes.

She licked her lips, nodding. "Right."

"What was it exactly you wanted to talk to me about, Anna?"

"I broke up with Katy," she said abruptly.

"It wasn't exactly a relationship destined to work out considering the circumstances in which it formed, was it?"

She gave me a knowing look. "Y/N."

I shook my head. "What do you want me to say, Anna? How would you like me to react?"

She was staring into my eyes as if expecting me to know what she was thinking, but I didn't. Not anymore.

"I honestly couldn't care less if you broke up with her," I said, truthfully. "It doesn't affect me. Quite frankly, nothing you do affects me. I've moved on."

"I shouldn't have cheated on you."

I breathed out slowly, trying to contain any oncoming anger I was feeling. "I don't care anymore."

"It's nice that Kara is helping you through," she added, a hint of jealousy in her voice, making me roll my eyes.

"Sure is."

"Are you guys a thing or something?"

I stared at her dumbfounded. "You're kidding, right?"

"No," she said, shaking her head. She was deadly serious.

I chuckled with distaste. "You think I owe you an answer? After everything you did to me?"

"So you are together," she said, a little disappointedly.

I clenched my jaw. "No, Anna, we're not. We're just friends if you must know. Not that it's any of your business."

She nodded, glancing down at her coffee cup with a hint of a smile. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes once again.

"Did you wanna talk to me just to remind me of all the shit you put me through?"

"No, no... that's not it," she said, meeting my eyes again. "I broke up with Katy."

I sighed. "You said."

"I broke up with her because I'm still in love with you."

I raised my eyebrows with surprise. Definitely wasn't expecting that.

"You don't seem mad about that," she pointed out hopefully.

"I don't seem happy either," I bursted her bubble, zoning back into reality. "This ought to be good."

"I'm serious, Y/N," she began, what I think was, sincerely. "I'm in love with you still."

I stared at her, so fed up of feeling everything because of her. I didn't even know how to react – I knew I didn't love her, I stopped a long time ago. But I was so exhausted with dealing with what she put me through that my brain didn't know what to do as she was speaking.

"You remember the part where you cheated on me, right?" I asked, quirking a brow.

"You're not taking this seriously," she decided.

"You bet your arse I'm not taking this seriously," I agreed, narrowing my eyes. "You broke my heart, Anna. You went off and slept with another woman whilst we were together – you cheated. You made me feel like shit."

"I know that," she said regretfully. "I know. I was horrible! I didn't appreciate what I had, okay? You were always so nice and loving. You cared about me so much and it became suffocating, infuriating! I hated it, that we were so..."

"Perfect?" I filled in for her, feeling a lump forming in my throat.

"Exactly," she said, her eyes softening as they met mine. "You loved me too much and I hated it then, but I miss it now. I miss us. I'm here to ask you for another chance."

I pursed my lips, wondering how on earth she thought she could have me back after everything she'd done. And now knowing why she'd cheated in the first place, something I thought I never needed to know... I didn't want to admit it, but it fucking hurt.

"You just told me that my love, the way I treat the people I care about, is suffocating," I said, swallowing hard. "Why the hell would I want to be in a relationship with you? Aside from the fucking obvious?"

I pushed my stool out and stood up, grabbing my bag and hot chocolate.

"Y/N, no, wait–!"

"You know, I don't remember you being this much of an arsehole when we were together," I said, staring at her one last time before storming past her and out of Noonan's.

As I headed back to CatCo, I tried to understand what the hell just happened. I was over Anna – I'd worked so hard to get over her, and with Kara's help, I had. I was convinced that I didn't need to know why she cheated, I mean, why does anyone cheat? I didn't think there'd be a reason. But now, knowing that there was a reason, and it was because of me apparently, it hurt. That same pain I felt those few months ago after finding out she was cheating, returned, even if it was for a split second.

Was I really too much when with those I cared about? Did I care too much? Was I too kind? Too loving? I didn't think that was possible, but now... I shouldn't have believed anything Anna said, yet it was lingering in the back of my head and I couldn't get rid of it.

When I reached my desk, I sat down and tried to get on with some work, but my head was still elsewhere, processing what Anna had told me. She still loved me, okay, that didn't bother me as much. I didn't love her at all, not anymore, not after how she treated me. She cheated on me because I was too much for her, too 'perfect'... that one was still a horrible thought embedded in my mind now. I had ironically pushed her away because I cared too much about keeping her close.

I'd barely gotten any work done when I saw a message pop up on my computer screen. It was from Kara, who was probably sat at her desk on the other side of the room.

KARA: Hey, we still on for takeaway and a movie tonight at mine? I'll let you pick the food.. :D

I was about to respond with a 'yes', but then I thought about what Anna said. I hated that she was making me second guess my friendship with Kara, but if what she said was true, then the last thing I wanted to do was push Kara away because I was too clingy.

ME: I think I'm gonna be staying late tonight to finish some work off. Maybe next time?

Yeah, that would work. I just needed to hold off for a bit. Kara and I had been hanging out quite a bit lately, and after giving her that keyring we– god, that keyring! That was so stupid! That was clingy, for sure. If I kept this up, caring for her too much, she might end up like Anna – feeling suffocated and trapped. I needed to slow it down. Give Kara some space to have a life, too. She'd been there for me so much that I barely let her do her own thing. It surely must have been annoying for her. The last thing I wanted was her hanging out with me because of some obligation she felt she had.

KARA: oh, okay, that's fine! anything I can help with? I don't mind staying back with you

ME: I should be okay, thanks anyway

I saw she wrote something else, but I decided to leave it at that and get on with my work. I still felt my heart hurting a little, and I wasn't sure if it was because of what Anna said or because of my newfound fear of losing Kara at my own hand.

[splendidlyimperfect]

chapter 8 - you are enough

Geralt's filled with guilt and Jaskier is trying not to be angry, but when they leave Sayla's farm, all the feelings they've been trying to ignore come to a head.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Fandom: The Witcher Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Geralt/Jaskier Other Tags: angst, hurt/comfort, major injury, guilt, caretaking, geralt’s an idiot, i hurt jaskier a lot

-----

They stay with Sayla for a week before Jaskier feels well enough to travel.

Stop looking at me like that, Jaskier signs one-handed as Geralt helps him tug a clean shirt over his head and around his injured wrist.

Geralt grunts in response, slipping the sling around Jaskier’s shoulder and helping him shift his arm into it. The healer stopped by yesterday to change the bandages again and show Geralt how to do it on his own. Both wounds are still ugly and red, but the ragged edges are sutured now, and Jaskier is able to move his fingers a little.

Only a little, though. Geralt’s stomach twists with guilt as he stares at Jaskier’s wrist and thinks of him never being able to play again.

Jaskier huffs and kicks Geralt in the shin. Stop it, he signs again. He adds a sign that Geralt doesn’t recognize but refuses to explain it when Geralt raises an eyebrow.

Continue reading on AO3

“I need to get Roach saddled up,” Geralt says roughly. “Can you—”

I’m fine. Jaskier pushes himself to his feet and spreads his good arm out in a ta-da gesture. I promise.

Geralt doesn’t believe it. There’s a half-smile on Jaskier’s face, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, which are dark and tired. He’d woken up in the middle of the night again, shoving at Geralt’s chest and trying to scream, and Geralt had nearly cried as he’d held Jaskier close and shushed him back to sleep.

Jaskier hadn’t said anything in the morning when he’d woken up in Geralt’s arms. Geralt’s not sure if he’s pretending or if he truly doesn’t remember the dream, but Geralt’s not going to bring it up.

“Sayla made breakfast,” he says quietly, gesturing down the hallway. “Something soft, for…” He tries not to look at Jaskier’s throat.

Jaskier sighs, reaching out and squeezing Geralt’s hand before limping past him into toward the kitchen.

~

Fine, Jaskier thinks as he heads down the hallway. I’m fine. It’s fine. Fine, fine, fine. Maybe if he thinks it often enough, it’ll become true, because right now he’s the farthest fucking thing from fine and he doesn’t know how long he can hold it together.

“Good morning, love,” Sayla says when she sees him, gesturing for him to join her at the table. He settles down awkwardly, nodding in thanks when she hands him a cup of tea. “Sleep all right?”

Jaskier doesn’t reply, just grips the cup tightly and stares at the way his knuckles go white. He remembers dreaming – blood and teeth and things that hurt. In the dream he had screamed; had called out Geralt’s name over and over, begging for help that never came.

He’d woken to Geralt, sitting in the chair next to the bed, holding his shoulder and saying over and over, “It’s all right, you’re okay, you’re safe.” Anger had burned through the fear and everything had been white-hot, Jaskier’s fists pounding against Geralt’s chest, gasping around a sound he couldn’t make, terrified and trembling.

Waking up later in Geralt’s arms had been both suffocating and a relief.

“Hungry?” Sayla asks. She holds out a bowl of watery porridge and Jaskier does his best to not make a face. “I know it isn’t much,” she says, setting the bowl on the table next to him. “The healer said you can’t eat hard foods, though.”

I know, Jaskier thinks bitterly. He takes a sip of the tea and winces when he has to swallow. It doesn’t burn like the first time, but it still hurts.

Everything hurts.

He absently flexes his fingers of his injured hand and tries not to think about how it had looked yesterday when the healer had peeled back the bandages and re-tightened the splint.

“You’ll play again,” she’d reassured him when she’d seen him looking at his lute case in the corner of the room. “Just give it time.”  

The front door scrapes open and the memory fades as Geralt steps into the house. Jaskier can’t look up at him because he knows that all he’ll see is the lines of guilt and regret that have taken up permanent residence on Geralt’s face, and Jaskier doesn’t know how to deal with that right now. He knows, logically, that none of this is Geralt’s fault, but he’s still bitter.  

This wouldn’t have happened if you’d been there, the angry part of him thinks. I would have been safe with you, but you pushed me away.

“Ready?” Geralt asks. Jaskier hates the uncertainty in his voice. He’s guilty and Jaskier’s terrified, and nothing can make either of them feel better.

 ~

 Geralt isn’t surprised when Jaskier refuses to ride on Roach. He’s stubborn – although not usually this stubborn – so Geralt doesn’t argue for the first hour or so. Instead he walks at Jaskier’s pace, meandering along the road underneath the soft blue sky. Roach doesn’t seem to mind, stopping every once in a while to nibble on flowers or patches of grass.

When they finally reach the crossroads at the edge of the city, Jaskier stops.

“What’s wrong?” Geralt asks, reaching out to touch Jaskier’s shoulder. Jaskier flinches and takes a small step away from him, and a piece of Geralt’s heart splinters.

What are we doing? Jaskier asks. He doesn’t look at Geralt, just keeps his gaze on the rows of houses that mark the edge of the city. There’s a slump to his shoulders that seems almost resigned. He signs something else that Geralt doesn’t catch, huffing at him when he doesn’t get a response.

“I don’t understand,” Geralt says.

Jaskier reaches out and grabs Geralt’s arm, then turns his hand up and writes can’t help across his palm.

“I can’t help?” Geralt says, frowning. Jaskier shakes his head, sighing in exasperation. “You can’t help?” Jaskier nods and Geralt studies him for a minute. “You mean you can’t help me?” Another nod. “I don’t—”

Useless, Jaskier writes, and the letters are almost too quick for Geralt to keep up. Should go. Before he can keep going, Geralt grabs his hand and holds it tightly.

“Stop,” he says, shaking his head. Jaskier looks away from him, staring down at the dirt, and Geralt can see tears in the corners of his eyes. “You’re not useless.” Jaskier huffs and nods at his broken wrist. “I don’t want you to go.”

Jaskier’s jaw tightens.

If life could give me one blessing…

“I didn’t mean it,” Geralt says, but he knows the words aren’t enough. He’s worried that nothing will ever be enough to fix the damage he’s done. “Come here,” he says, pulling Jaskier a little closer and gesturing to Roach. “You’re tired. Let her carry you.”

Jaskier looks like he’s going to argue, but Roach intervenes, swinging her head over and butting Jaskier’s chest. He exhales quietly – a hollow imitation of a laugh – then tugs his wrist carefully out of Geralt’s grasp and brings his hand up to stroke Roach’s forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Geralt says because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Jaskier sighs, pressing his forehead to Roach’s and then looking over at Geralt. Where are we going?

Geralt hesitates. “I want… to help.” He gestures vaguely to the bandage across Jaskier’s neck. “To fix things.” The words stick in his throat and he wishes it wasn’t so fucking hard to say what he means. “I don’t mean—not fix. You’re not broken, or useless. I don’t want you to stay because you’re useful.”

Jaskier frowns at him and Geralt sighs, tipping his head to the sky and running both hands over his face.

“You don’t have to be useful,” he says after a moment. “You’re enough. Just you.”

Something hopeful flickers across Jaskier’s face, and it lights a spark in Geralt. He reaches out again, carefully this time, and when Jaskier takes his hand, he exhales in relief.

~

Jaskier spends most of the day riding Roach. Despite his insistence on walking for the first while, he’s grateful to be off his feet. Even after a week of lying about he’s still exhausted, and when Geralt settles behind him in the saddle and murmurs, “Go to sleep,” in Jaskier’s ear, he leans back against Geralt’s chest and does just that.

Thankfully he doesn’t dream.

When he wakes again, the sun is beginning to set, spilling golden light across the fields as it sinks slowly toward the horizon. The air is cool, and crickets are starting to chirp, and it takes Jaskier a second to realize that Geralt is humming.

Jaskier quickly closes his eyes again and focuses on keeping his breathing even as he listens to Geralt. It’s not a tune he recognizes; nothing he’s ever sung, just a simple melody that repeats over and over. Geralt’s arm is wrapped around Jaskier to keep him upright, and his thumb brushes absently across Jaskier’s forearm to the rhythm of the song.

Something aches, deep in Jaskier’s bones, at the simple tune. It tugs at half-memories; little moments of his childhood that dissolve like spun sugar as soon as he tries to touch them. A warm sense of belonging floods through him, and he exhales, leaning back further into Geralt’s embrace.

He feels safe.

“Jaskier.” Geralt’s voice is rough in his ear and it takes Jaskier a second to realize he’s crying. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

Jaskier shakes his head as best he can, nudging Geralt’s hand palm up and carefully writing, What song?

He expects Geralt to brush off the question, but instead Geralt says, “I don’t know.” Jaskier draws a question mark on his palm. “I think my mother used to sing it to me.”

The ache intensifies in ways that Jaskier doesn’t understand, and he’s grateful for Geralt’s arm around him as he continues to cry. He’s not sure exactly why he’s crying, but Geralt doesn’t ask, just touches his arm comfortingly and keeps humming.

Eventually Jaskier taps Geralt’s palm again. His hand trembles as he writes, I’m angry, but not at you. It’s like exhaling, and he suddenly feels lighter.

Geralt sighs. “I know,” he says. It seems for a second like he’s going to keep talking, but instead he pulls Jaskier closer to him. Then he leans forward and carefully presses a kiss to Jaskier’s temple.

Jaskier stills in surprise, suddenly very aware of Geralt’s slow heartbeat against his back. His hand hovers over Geralt’s palm, but before he can ask anything else, Gerald slides their fingers together.

“I care for you,” Geralt says softly, lips nearly touching Jaskier’s ear. Then he starts to hum again, rough and quiet, and Jaskier lets the sound comfort him as they continue to ride toward the sunset.

[make-me-imagine]

Heyy!! Could I please request a Top Gun: Maverick and LOTR ship, Headcanon for both?

So, just a bit about me: I'm 19, and a student in uni. I'm actually pretty introverted, very non-confrontational, but I'll definitely open up if I feel close to someone. I love being by myself and living in my thoughts. There are definitely moments where I go off, and can't shut up because I'm in an especially good mood, but honestly, I'm chill most of the time. Movies are my LIFE. Friday nights are made for my fav flicks and an icy can of coke <3 I'm not really looking for anything particular in a partner. Of course every relationship should be founded on faithfulness, love, and loyalty, but apart from that, if it clicks, it clicks! I'm too insecure to tell someone I love them, so my love language is def acts of service, but I like to hear it?

Thanks so much, bestie!! I can't wait to see what you have in store!! 💖💖💖

For Others: Ships are now CLOSED

Thank you so much! I appreciate it :)

I hope you like them!

TG:M

I ship you with Bob!

Bob is the kindest person you will meet, and will make you feel loved in any way possible.

Runner Up: Rooster

Headcanons:

You and Bob met each other your first year of college. He was attending the air force academy, but you lived near each other and ended up seeing each other a lot.

He always noticed you, and wanted to talk to you but was too shy. One day when you happened to run into each other on a walk, you started talking and pretty much never stopped.

There was obvious attraction between the two of you, so though you started out as friends, it was not long before you started dating.

You supported Bob 100% when he was attending Top Gun. And though you always worried for his safety when he was in the sky, you trusted him and knew he was great at what he did.

Anytime he was shipped off somewhere, he would write you long detailed letters. And whenever he returned home, he would spent as much time with you as he could. Being away from you was his least favorite part of his job.

You two have movie-nights, ordering your favorite food, sitting cuddled up together util you end up falling asleep half-way through the third or forth movie.

He is very good at understanding your silent ways of showing him you love him. When you fold his laundry for him, tidy up his work space, get his clothes cleaned, etc, he knows all of these have underlying 'I love you's'.

------------------------

Lotr:

I ship you with Faramir!

Faramir is a caring and kind spirit, and loves deeply. He does not need words to tell him this, all he needs is you by his side.

Runner Up: Legolas

Headcanons:

You and Faramir grew up together. You were close friends for years, always there for him, to comfort him, laugh with him, and console him, etc. He was always there for you too.

When you were both teenagers, that was when he really figured out that your friendship was evolving into more, and he was more than happy and ready for it.

Faramir will happily and adoringly listen to you talk for hours about anything. He loves the way your eyes light up with you are excited about something, and he would not stop you for the world.

He writes you notes and letters reminding you how much he loves you and how often he thinks about you when he is not there.

He is grateful for everything you do for him, knowing it all contains every ounce of love you have for him.

Faramir is one of the most loyal people you could ever meet, and he would never disapoint you.

[likeastarrynight]

Dear Green Eyes

So it's your birthday. Great. Happy birthday <3.

I wanted to be as sappy as i can be because why not? right? since you are one of my favorite people on this planet i had to make it special so here we are. ☆~☆

This is not a letter though Duh. 🧚💀

It is a list. 🦢

A list of top 10 things i like and appreciate about you.

10 things that the world is missing out on because they don't have the privilege of being your friend ! yay.🐝🌼

ok here we go ready? :)

No.1

I like the way you interact with the world. It's like you add extra colors and flavors to everything and i can pick up on that very easily since the real world is quite plain to me. I percive it that way which is not that exciting but it is exciting when i meet people who make my favorite yellow one shade brighter and my favorite green one step closer to Emerald. I like Emerald fyi. it screams oh i do really exist. 🧚‍♀️

No.2

I like how you go through a heavy amount of pressure just to get what you want . very sexy and girlbossy of you. :) ( not a big fan of this word but i just HAD TO USE IT )

No.3

speaking of the girlboss. WOW aren't you THAT BITCH ? ( in the best way possible ).😇 You started a business from the scratch . You constantly challenge yourself and just.. I love how you seek growth all the time. i sometimes am envious of that trait of yours too. I think it's so empowering to know what you want and step on the path that gets you there. 🕯💜

No.4

I like your kindness. you are very very VERY kind. You were so kind to me from the beginning which blew me away cause...why? i was a complete stranger and i suck at initiating conversations and am awkward af and i know it comes off as me disliking something i am actually enjoying or me being dumb or me being a son of a bitch but you were fine??? damn i was shocked and grateful. still am. thank you for never stopping your true self from shining through small talks and boring work related talks. We love a kind queen yay!! 🦩🌸

No.5

this is random but i love your eyeshadow game. TOP NOTCH and your bag obsession. so relatable <3

No. 6

I love your love for cottage core life and just being romantic and domestic and at peace with all that despite everything you want and everything this world wants you to be. you are like a book character i'd root for or create for others to root for! :) 🌾

No. 7

I like that you are smart and just..idk..i feel like you are just very understanding of you and your world and your reality. I want to be like that too...sometimes :d but i didn't know i wanted to be like that before we met cause obviously i don't know what i am or want 99% of the times. I like people who are as intelligent as myself ( Yes i have a god complex but whatever) and sometimes i feel like you are smarter than me and it's just so fascinating to me how well you just execute living. And therefore i feel terrible when you think low of yourself cause DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT TAKES FOR MY narcissistic ASS TO ADMIT SOMEINE IS SLIGHTLY BETTER THAN ME AT SOMETHING? DO YOU KNOW HOW INSANLY TALENTED YOU ARE AND HOW GOOD YOU'RE HANDLING EVERYTHING? HOW DARE YOU? 🦊

N E WAYS. yep you're smart. you can have it. it's your birthday.

No.8

I like your eyes. :D

No.9

I feel like im rambling but idc it's my list and yeah. I like how smugy you get when you are talking about something you are passionate about. I mean who reads the bible out of pure curiosity. I have another friend who did the same. I guess i have a type in friends too. VERY INTERESTING PEOPLE OVER ALL

No. 10

did i mention everything? no actually . my memory is broken and im having 100 thoughts per second so...anyways this is the last one i think for this one i'll settle for ..you being so open minded and very accepting of me.I kinda wished we were like...closer? i think we're getting there and we will get there eventually and GURL i'm so happy for you and everything you've achieved . I hope it's a happier year of your life and you get closer to that window opening to a garden full of flowers and happy birds and pretty butterflies. <3 ⚘🦋