#i hope no matt hater bites me

[melloneah]

chapter 2 of SMOKESCREEN is out!!! so here, have sum smokescreen matt:***

for the high quality graphic -> click here

to read chap 2 -> click here

[itsasweater]

I'm sorry but why do I have to feel bad and be understanding for EJ about him dealing with the production in season 3 and the pressure from his father when that same grace wasn't given to Ricky during season 2? I seen a lot of yall putting most of the blame for his failings in season 3 on Gina, like what? Siding with the white male and putting all the blame on the teenage girl, just nasty. Ricky was being bashed all up and down the timeline during season 2 on here and twitter for how he was acting while he was dealing with his messed up home situation. EJ stans were having a blast laughing all up and down the timeline about it, don't make me post the receipts. That shit that happened to EJ is karma for how yall were acting about Ricky during season 2, but you want people to give him grace and understanding for his situation.... pleeeaaassssse be for real! Bunch of hypocrites.

Kat-Writes got yall brainwashed or something. I never forgot when that women went at people (Rina's) on twitter for a harmless video of fans asking questions to Matt, yet couldn't take the time to send out a tweet telling off Portwell's (undercover Rini's) about how they were treating Sofia. This girl was like 16 when she posted that tweet about having Gina and Rina fans back and she had to delete it because of how nasty people responded to that, which included plenty of racism. So she will put on a cape for a white male but nothing for the the girl of color. I guess she can't call out Portwell's though because that would be essentially biting the hand that feeds her, can't call them out because she needs them to read her articles and like her posts smh. Coming on here saying #JusticeForEJ like please have some shame.

You can't expect me to feel bad for EJ when yall stans of his were having a good old laugh up and down the timeline during season 2 about Ricky's situation. After seeing yall do that? You want others to feel bad for EJ? Yeah it's a no from me.

All of you also come on here and twitter saying this and that about Rina's like yall weren't absolutely disgusting to them during season 1 and 2. It was a pretty small part that were even Rina's at that time too, yet yall say Rina is fanservice even though that pairing was the most hated because it threatened Rini. Now you want to play innocent and act like the way Rina's come at you guys isn't karma for how yall treated them. Calling them delusional and other things is funny because boy do yall look dumb now, yall sure was confident Rina wasn't going to happen even though all the evidence was slapping yall in the face that it was . Season 4 sounds like a Rina movie, hope yall haters enjoy watching. I know I will. The salty tears in here and twitter will sure be plenty from Rina anti's

Like this is just some silly little Disney+ show but yall be dumb on here for real.

[wrestlezon]

aew dynamite 2/8/23 liveblog containment zone

wrestling!!

ooo starting it off with mjf new jacket. put that on the list of mjf outfits oh hes fighting takeshita right, its all coming back to me omg he got black and pink briefs too

[ mjf vs takeshita ]

takeshita dont fall for the handshake!! HE FELL FOR IT NOOO its cool seeing a rare MJF Match™ hes doing all the bits. ref shield im anti-spraytan. come on dude just dont have it wow the crowd is loud. what are they saying? lets go nashville nashville sucks??? BITING... unhinged takeshita is cool. im a little mad i got the uh. wrong ddt tickets for march though -_- ok i lied im pretty mad. im obsessed with how mad i am. im not going to get over it forever what a good bit that lead into the deadlift german suplex. takeshita is soooooo strong mjf so smug. your hubris!! ok im gonna need to see that midair corner flip thing again. what the. how did he end up on his feet so smoothly and nonchalantly hes doing a lot of this "psyche!!! IM FINE ACTUALLY!!!!!" stuff. its fun i like it. ARMBAR!!!!!!! BITING i think mjf is a good wrestler. i like to see him wrestle, which is rarely, because he rarely wrestles. takeshita bare knee attack. rolled ref shield part TWO his knee attack is silly looking im sorry aha! knee damage revenge!!! unless hes doing some sort of pretending-to-sell thing like how hes been doing this whole time ok takeshitas powerbomb thing ruled senton!! i am so scared every time i see one ok thrusting armbar? real mad he lost to garcia in the tumblr babygirl tournament huh

lmfao the catcall from the crowd when he put away his ring oh! its danielson omg takeshita bladed from the ring??? hes all blooded now LMAO NOO THE CAMERA CAUGHT THE BLADEPASS...

[ samoa joe video promo ]

samoa joe is just like "im gonna beat you up wardlow" joe i have to say thank you for giving wardlow a haircut

[ the bunny vs jamie hayter ]

the bunny!! she had a big match a while ago she had to cancel due to illness or injury, right? itll be cool to see this match hayter's hair buns look cool. theyre like lil animal ears. nekomimi ringrope leg choke :)c what is britt baker doing with this gatorade sign. advertisement? LMAO "how did u like that jamie" taking turns doing apron combat ohhhhhh thats a hayterade sign i get it now oof the bunny had hayter land right on her face huh that ended fast... <:( i hope shes good

[ backstage with saraya and toni storm ]

dang saraya pulling out the babygirl nice ok thats like 4 babygirls in short succession. cmon dont wear it out ladies youre gonna need to learn how to spraypaint Ls if youre gonna make this your thing. distance and speed im just being a hater u_u they will have to win me over from square one

[ backstage with mjf ]

hey nice its an mjf interview lmao ok the blood on the armwraps buddy? sick and twisted mjf hes damp. hes talking about picking up girls in his car but im kinda distracted by how he kinda looks like wolverine with his hair and beard where is this going mjf oh i see. he is telling a story about how he is a real scumbag badguy, criminal style im sorry hold on im not doing my part as an audience member and believing his fake story. give me a second to internalize it

[ ricky starks vs the JAS gauntlet ]

oh he has to fight all of them in succession? that would explain why this angelo parker match was short i dont know if they explained it on commentary i was still trying to suspend my disbelief enough to be angered at mjf's story about being evil and unforgivable matt menard got mopped up i love garcia :) i dont love sammy guevara but hes making garcia suffer and i can appreciate that part nooo i love rickys spear dont counter it with a headlock. garciaaaaaaa whoa stood up into big powerbomb. ricky is so strong i will say this every time someone slowly lifts another person up. sorry wait what the hell??? why do they have to do this to ricky. god

[ backstage with the acclaimed ]

bowens a little somber here

[ backstage with danielson and takeshita ]

uh oh. they locked him in is danielson gonna walk out with door fragments because thatd be cool his. tracksuit we've reached critical babygirl calls tonight. no more babygirl. dont ruin babygirl for me oh he just shouldered down the door regular style. thats fine too aubrey you could count slower. whats mjf gonna do? enroll in referee school and come back in time to count him out??? danielson appeared that was a really loud chair dropkick oh no hes blee-- DONT LICK THAT AUGH THANK YOU AUBREY blood on da camera lens its hard to pay attention to this match between the action and also the active commentary i can only ever pay attention to one at a time omg that tumble off the apron rush stop taking a shower during your matches lmfao mjf and taz are just chit chatting right now mjf is in casual chat mode its funny. hes not doing his mjf voice as much danielson looks sooooo red and pink right now. wild. good color what a match

oh mjf is so mad hes fighting off all the security!! good. nice

[ backstage with the uh. impractical jokers ]

i hate the impractical jokers btw. i cant handle that much secondhand embarrassment. so i am not enjoying this crossover i am enjoying the distant match happening in the background i didnt have time to get lunch before dynamite and my friend had connection issues during so we're just barely behind enough to skipping through the commercial breaks. im so hungry

[ ar fox + top flight vs the elite ]

wait is this the main event. this is going to be a hella long match dante with the verticality the three flipmasters are here and theyre fighting against the young bucks, also flipmasters. i dont think kenny is a flipmaster? but he sure can wrestle ive been informed that the acclaimed match also exists. im sorry acclaimed i forgot. to be fair im just afraid of them losing the belts lmao ar fox following through to senton on nick(?) back to back jumping outta the ring attacks those kinds of corner backflipping slams, i never know who is the one taking the brunt of the damage there HOW does dante just gain altitude while being horizontal matt jackson with the triple pin god lmao YES top flight teamwork moves :)c and then the elite win. well it wasnt gonna turn out any other way

[ hook video promo ]

this is an extremely quiet video oh its just a "hook is a cool guy" video

[ stokely backstage ]

hes mad at hook!? LMAO HOOK ok i get it. i like this

[ main event time! acclaimed vs gunn club ]

wow we caught up to live yo listen the gunns are in so much glitter right now lmao excalibur criticizing himself during pip... schiavone is right youll get another chance to pronounce picture in picture king i am zoned into this match. or zoned out of it. no reports man bowens really getting into it time for everyone to just lie down for a bit OH NO!!!!!!! THE REF GASP!!!!!!!!! BILLY GUNN OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no way billy goes back to them. they hit him with a belt yeah!!! kill them acclaimed!!!!!! slow count ref debuff NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ?????????????????????????????????????????????????

billy gunn holding bowens' hand............

[psycho-slytherin]

Strangers ch. 34

Yoongi finds your phone– and so does someone else...

Pairing: Yoongi x (female) Reader

Word count: 1.8k

Genre: fluff, angst

|mlist|

<–– Prev   Next ––>

You force a laugh. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t lie to me, y/n,” Yoongi says softly, his voice a knife in your back. “These– Jesus.” He exhales sharply as your phone buzzes again, again, again. You would’ve turned your notifications off months ago, but you need Twitter for your jobs. “How long has it been like this?”

@satanhasaholdoffrance: hey @yourname make like a tree and die

@queenynuwu: I hope y/n knows we love her!! <3 @yourname

@gummyyoongi: has anyone found @yourname‘s address yet?

“I don’t know what you mean,” you reply stubbornly. You don’t want your weight on Yoongi’s shoulders, not when you know he’ll blame himself.

“Bullshit. You said this wasn’t happening! You told me that my fans weren’t coming after you.”

“And you never checked,” you reply, your throat tight. “You know what I am. I’m a liar. And you trusted me– that’s your mistake.”

Yoongi flinches. “I know you don’t mean that.”

You begin trembling, your hands and arms and shoulders tensing against your will. “You shouldn’t trust me, Yoongi.” I’ve kept too many secrets from you.

“Well, I do trust you. I know you too well, y/n, and you don’t mean that. But this?” He taps your phone. “This is messed up.”

You take a step back, shrinking into yourself. “I-I’m sorry.”

“What? No. Why are you apologizing?” Yoongi gets up and walks towards you, his eyes intense. “My fans– the stuff they’re saying– that’s what’s messed up. And y/n, I’m so, so sorry this happened. You don’t deserve it.”

“I, uh...” you mumble, confused. Why isn’t he angry at you? You lied to him, again and again and again. “Sorry...”

Yoongi sighs, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “What are you even apologizing for?”

“I don’t know!” You cry. “I thought you’d be mad at me!”

“I’m not mad at you, y/n-ie.” Yoongi raises his arm and brushes a loose strand of hair out of your face. “I’m just worried. The comments you’re getting, the haters... they’re too much for anyone.”

Your mind drifts to the nightmares, the thoughts that your hate comments have inspired within you.

Yoongi’s gaze darkens, but he’s not looking at you– he’s staring far off, at something beyond. “I’ve seen idols, trainees– friends– that internalized those things, and they didn’t see an escape... no one is equipped to deal with this shit alone, no one.” Yoongi swallows, and his voice wavers. “So don’t try, y/n. You’re not alone, and I can’t lose you.”

You blink hard before drawing back and punching Yoongi in the arm.

“Ow!” Yoongi yelps, rubbing his arm. “What the hell?”

“That’s for being dramatic,” you say, using all your willpower to keep your voice light. “And this–” you poke him in the ribs– “is for being selfish. I don’t wanna lose me either, nerd. It’s not all about you.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Yoongi laughs. “My bad, I almost forgot that you’re a force to be reckoned with.”

“Just don’t let it happen again,” you sniff haughtily.

“I won’t, promise. Hey, do you need a lift to your next job?”

“Nah, I’ll take the bus. I’m not famous like you,” you reply. Besides, you want to be alone with your thoughts.

“Suit yourself. I have to go to the studio anyways.”

“Another BTS comeback already?” You muse, and Yoongi winks.

“Nope.”

~~~

Once Yoongi leaves, you wriggle into another sweater and shrug your coat on over it. You can’t help but feel chilly lately, and you can’t afford to get a cold.

You leave your apartment building and quickly walk towards the bus stop. Your afternoon will be spent on a photoshoot for a new makeup line, and Lisa said you’d be able to keep some of the merchandise.

You adjust your face mask and pop in your earphones, your mind a whirling dervish of thoughts. You imagined Yoongi would be furious– after all, you’d promised no more secrets. You couldn’t help but keep your Twitter mess to yourself, because you didn’t want your friend to stress about it.

Friend... the word seems strange to you, almost wrong.

Well, we’re ‘dating’ now, you think, so I guess he’s my fake-boyfriend instead.

It’s weird; for years you were completely in love with Yoongi, besotted with his face and voice and laugh and lyrics. His shy, goofy nature. His irresistible charm. You remember when you and Lisa would scream together at every new music video, each concept photo, any hint or clue or theory. It seems so long ago now.

Speaking of Lisa... your phone begins buzzing with a call from your manager/friend.

“Y/n, darling, how are you doing? How’s the leg?”

“All healed up now,” you reply, flexing and unflexing your left leg. You lost a lot of blood, but your injury missed all the arteries and important stuff.

“Great. Hey, I lined up a job, it’s yours for the taking if you’re interested. They need an extra in a cologne commercial, it should only be a two-day shoot and we can plan around Moon Over The Sea. What do you think?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” you murmur absentmindedly. “How much does it pay?”

“Pretty well, your cut would be only a little less than you’re making on the makeup shoot today.”

“Alright, sign me up.”

“Great. And... how’s it going with Yoongi?”

You jolt. “What?”

“C’mon, y/n, you can’t expect me not to ask. You’re dating your idol!”

“I-I’m not, really...”

“Oh, shush. It’s official, isn’t it? BigHit confirmed it last week. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were together!”

You grit your teeth– you have to tell her the truth. “Lisa, seriously, it’s not real.”

“I know, I bet it totally feels like a fairy tale, huh? I’m so jealous.” Lisa’s voice gets quieter, pouty. “We have to hang out soon, it’s been ages since we’ve had a proper gossip sesh!”

“But...”

“No buts! I’m ordering you as your manager to hang out with your best friend... who is also your manager... who is also me.”

You can’t help but laugh. “Yes ma’am, just pencil me in.”

“Will do! See you soon.”

“See ya.

Humming to yourself, you continue your bus ride, arriving at the studio a few minutes early. A fashionable young man strides up to you bearing shorts and a shirt.

“Ah, you’re here. L/n y/n, right? Perfect, perfect, put these on and we’ll get you straight into hair and makeup.”

“Uhh...” you examine the outfit he gave you. “Are you sure this is for me?”

“Of course I am, what are you talking about?”

“It’s black, these shorts are made of leather, and...” you trail off, gulping. “It’s all very tight.” That’s right, clothes like these will only hug the curves you don’t have. You’re not a sex icon like some of the female idols you’ve seen Yoongi with on TV. You know as someone in the entertainment industry, you’re supposed to be fashionable– but you’re too much a fan of oversized sweaters and soft pants to let them go. “I don’t know if this outfit suits me.”

“Nonsense, you’re beautiful– you just need the confidence! Besides, you’re gonna have to get used to this type of stuff if you want to get anywhere in your career,” the man chuckles. “Changing room is over there. When you’re ready, head to hair and makeup.”

“R-right,” you mumble, taking the clothes. They look so cold, you shiver just thinking about putting them on.

Ten minutes later, you stare at yourself in the mirror. Staring back at you seems to be a child, a little girl who doesn’t belong, who can barely fill out the tight crop top or shorts. And you’re supposed to be dating Yoongi? You don’t know if you want to laugh or cry. Yoongi deserves better, someone prettier, smarter, who looks like they belong at his side. In your mind’s eye, you can see Yoongi next to you in the mirror– black-haired, a brow raised, his mouth quirking upwards in a lazy smirk. He looks like a prince, a god, and you look like you’re playing dress-up next to him. No wonder so many people are upset; you’re doing Yoongi no favors by being with him.

You sigh and shake your head. You’re cold, so cold, and you hate it. You turn away from the mirror to get your hair and makeup done.

“Okay, can you give me a little lip bite? Something cheeky? Oh, perfect! Yes, hold like that!” The camera flashes while you sit frozen in place. “Cross your legs now, hold the lipstick closer to your face... can you give me bedroom eyes?”

Face flushed, you lower your lashes and pout your lips like you’ve seen real models do, and the camera flashes again and again. The lipstick you’ve got on is a brighter red than you’ve ever dared to wear, and combined with the outfit and your bold eyeliner, you look a little edgy.

“Great, y/n, you’re doing wonderfully. We need one more photo for the spread...” the photographer looks around the photo studio, which is a rather minimalist set. “Can someone get me that chair? Y/n, sit on it backwards and try for a smirk– like an ‘I’m-better-than-you’ face.”

But I’m not. Still you try, channeling your inner Seokjin as you fix the camera with your best downward stare, and then half smiling as though you’ve got a secret– which you do, too many to count. Half a dozen shots later, you’re dismissed with the promise that the money will be wired to your account by Friday.

The next morning, you wake up to the familiar buzzing of your notifications, again and again and again. You haven’t overslept, have you? No, your clock informs you that it’s not even six AM. You groan and flip your phone over to read your new mentions.

@beautyoftheseoul: Check out our new line of matte lipsticks, modeled by #MoonOverTheSea’s @yourname!

@chimyoongles: Omg @2460sunshine did you see that @yourname liked a yoongi thirst tweet? Lmaooo I’m dying she’s rly all of us

@scarletwitchisjunghoseok: I think I love @yourname now that she’s exposed herself as an army lololol

@captainkookie21: why are ppl stanning @yourname for her fuckup lol it just goes to show what a liar and a slut she is.

You blink sleepily. You liked a tweet about Yoongi? You’ve been careful about doing that ever since you became a public figure, in case Yoongi noticed. You tap through your likes and gasp:

@slutfordionysus: rt if you want Suga to crush you between his thighs, like if you want him to use his tongue technology on you ;)

Oh, fuck. You never liked that. You’ve never even seen that tweet. Which means... you’ve been hacked?

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Beyond Wrestling, “Feeling Minnesota”

Third wrestling show in two days! What was I thinking? Tell you what: after I got home from this show I watched the WWE Payback ppv. I gotta fever, and the only cure is more wrestling! Let’s get to it:

Where: Aurora Nightclub, downtown (actually they say “downcity,” whatta buncha fancypantses) Providence, Rogues Island

When: Sunday, April 30, 2017, 2 p.m. belltime

What: Yesterday’s show was “Looking California” and today’s is “Feeling Minnesota,” and this is a Soundgarden reference, specifically to their first big hit, “Outshined.” But also, does anyone remember the moody Keanu Reeves/Cameron Diaz mid-90s film “Feeling Minnesota”? God, it sucked. It was from an era of lousy movies that attempted to be Tarantino-esque but only came off as smarmy and incoherent. Reeves’ character in the film is named “Jjaks Clayton.” Seriously: “Jjaks.” What kind of bullshit are you trying to put over on us with that? The soundtrack also had that shitty, post-grunge vibe to it; I remember there was a lackluster Helmet song. God, what a bad movie. I hope this show is better.

Bonus Match: Some guy defeats Jay Freddie

Another “bonus” match! We came in just as this one was ending. I didn’t catch the winner’s name, but from the two or three minutes we saw, it looked fun. I’ll have to pay more attention to this Jay Freddie fellow! He’s going to Japan for a few months, though.

Janelope (Joey Janela and Penelope Ford) def. XXXL (Brian “Kingpin” Milonas and Ace Romero) via pinfall

This was a great way to start the show. It was like watching a live action cartoon, because Milonas and Romero combined are like 750 pounds. The whole creative thrust of the match was waiting to see whether these two giants would completely squash tiny Penelope Ford, who stayed alive by flirting with the easily smitten Romero, much to the consternation of Milonas, who kept slapping his partner in the face and barking, “Focus!” Eventually Janela rallied, Penelope turned on heartbroken Ace, and Janelope triumphed. Then “Cold Steel” Chuck O’Neill ran in, knocked Penelope over, and put Joey in a triangle choke on behalf of Matt Riddle, who has accepted Janela’s challenge at Americanrana. I want to see this match so bad, but more: I want to see Janela’s promos leading up to the match. Yesterday the crowd chanted “Spring break!” for Janela, today they chanted “Grapplefuck!” in a nod to his delightful contempt of that ethos. Rating: Three and a half Keanus.

David Starr def. “Hot Sauce” Tracy Williams via submission

Buddy, did I mention grapplefuck? This was a fuckaganza, a grappletacular, a veritable clinic in the fucking of grapple. Lots of chain wrestling here, so much so that the ghost of Lou Thesz hovered over the first five minutes of the match, nodding paternally. After that they started smacking the shit out of each other, which I enjoyed. David Starr is a huge talent, they just need to find a program for him. He had a budding feud with Nick Gage which ended when the Nickster went back to the hoosegow, and then the Starr-Janela feud kind of fizzled out. He’s spinning his wheels in Beyond right now, but he’s always entertaining. Rating: Three Keanus.

Deonna Purrazzo def. Karen Q and Tasha Steelz via pinfall

I like all three of these wrestlers a lot, but this suffered from the standard problem of triple threat matches (i.e. for much of the match, at least one person has nothing to do), and there were a couple of seriously blown moments, although I think both might have been the referee’s fault. He missed a near fall, like to the point where the crowd started yelling at him to count the pin, and then he didn’t indicate that Tasha Steelz was tapping out (it was an elimination match) so the ring announcer had to do that. Kind of messy! Not terrible, though, and I’d like to see more of Karen Q in particular. Rating: Two Keanus.

Dan Barry def. Swoggle, Johnny Cockstrong, “Supercop” Dick Justice, Stan Stylez, and Jarek 1:20 via pinfall

I think this is one of the legacies of the Spring Break show: a match that can only really be billed as a clusterfuck. You had Stan Stylez, who was new to me, whose thing was that he used a Shake Weight like he was jerking off, and then sprayed whipped cream all over himself, like ejaculate; you had Johnny Cockstrong, with a light-up codpiece; you had Swoggle, who attracted the ire of three virulent haters in the crowd who kept holding up a “Swoggle Swallows” sign for some reason; and you had Dan Barry, who is the make-believe wrestling cop. Except! Dan Barry wants to be taken seriously as a serious wrestler now, disavowing his comedy gimmick and grimacing through this match in which he is pitted against five goofballs. I actually think this is a neat storyline and hope to see them run with it some more, presumably building to a match with Bill Carr. A fair number of little kids were in attendance, which made all the dick jokes and ass-biting seem even more grotesque than they would have been. If you aren’t a fan of comedy wrestling, this is Extremely Not Your Thing. Rating: Two and a half Keanus.

EYFBO (Mike Draztik and Angel Ortiz) def. The American Destroyers (Donovan Dijak and Mikey Webb) via pinfall

This was a hoot. Pure chaos, with none of the comedy that both teams can do, just a full-on sprint from start to finish. EYFBO had the Impact tag team titles with them (the titles still say TNA, DOES NO ONE CARE ABOUT BRANDING) and the Destroyers came out full of cocky swagger. Mikey Webb has really grown on me as Dijak’s shit-talking sidekick, and Mike Draztik should be a huge singles star one day, the dude just has so much ability and charisma. This has been the best Destroyers match I’ve seen so far, and one of the best EYFBO matches. Rating: Four Keanus.

INTERMISSION!

The editor at Spectacle of Excess wants to do more interviews, and she asked if I wanted to interview Janela (she is interviewing Su Yung, and I am jealous). I do, although I really don’t know what to ask. I feel like wrestlers are more guarded about stuff that you’d really want to know, and as a result most interviews tend to be things like “How did you get into wrestling/what are some of your favorite matches/who do you want to wrestle next.” I don’t know, man. I’m a weird awkward fuck at the best of times, and never liked cold-calling interviews when I was a journalist. We’ll see. If you have any questions for Joey Janela, send them my way.

Team PAWG (LuFisto and Jordynne Grace) def. Alpha Sigma Sigma (Anthony Greene and Brick Mastone) via pinfall

Team PAWG (That’s “Phat Ass White Girls,” your holiness) were introduced by ring announcer Rich Palladino as having a combined weight of 325 pounds, “25 of which are athletic ass meat,” and I thought, Boy, I come from a family of college professors. Which is true. I, however, dropped out of grad school to become a newspaper reporter, and now here I am, in a bar in Providence, Rhode Island on a Sunday afternoon, listening to a guy in a tuxedo describe the “ass meat” of two women in front of an audience that includes preteens. Say what you want about me, but you can’t deny that I am a total disappointment. Anyway, this match was pretty lukewarm. Greene and Mastone are talented young dudes, but trapped in this fuck boy (fuckboi?) gimmick that, in fairness, does get a fair amount of heat. I kind of thought this would be a knockdown dragout, as all four wrestlers can really go, but it was mostly a comedy match focused on the ass power of LuFisto and Jordynne Grace. A little disappointing! Rating: Two Keanus.

Keith Lee def. Michael Elgin via pinfall

If this were Wrestling Twitter, I would just write HOSS FIGHT and be done with it. Two gigantic men who are both skilled wrestlers colliding in a hard-fought battle with lots of spots showing off Elgin’s incredible strength and Lee’s amazing athleticism. This went a little long, which is something you can say for like 75 percent of indie matches, but in this case that was especially noticeable, since the awe of this matchup starts to wear off after 10 minutes or so. Still a lot of fun and may come across better on video. Rating: Three Keanus.

AR Fox def. John Silver via pinfall

Silver was originally scheduled to wrestle the absent Davey Richards, who had a family situation he had to be present for. Silver came out to the ring and said there was only one man he wanted to face in Richards’ absence: Dave Bautista. His “I Walk Alone” theme music started playing, but instead of the “Guardians of the Galaxy 2″ star, Ansonia, Connecticut’s favorite son, AR Fox, emerged from the back. Delightfully, Fox kept up Batista-esque mannerisms throughout the match, including the machine gun pose. This was, like all AR Fox matches, completely bonkers, with the man seemingly determined to prove his neck is made of rubber. Lots of back and forth on the offense, with Fox winning via rollup after Silver tried to go for the Batista Bomb. Rating: Three and a half Keanus. 

Doom Patrol (Chris Dickinson and Jaka) def. Jonathan Gresham and Zack Sabre Jr. via pinfall

I loved this match. The back story is that since Dickinson attacked Jordynne Grace, Gresham’s real-life girlfriend, the Octopus has been out for revenge on the Dirty Daddy. This had a lot of rawness to it, with Dickinson and Gresham getting in each other’s faces before the bell and getting pulled apart by their tag team partners and the ref. Very few people do nasty as well as Chris Dickinson. (Side note: Doom Patrol came out with the EVOLVE tag team championship belts, and it was neat to realize Team Pazuzu has the team gold in two separate promotions right now) The match itself was a gritty classic, with Gresham and ZSJ being pushed out of their customary technical wizardry into brutal striking contests with Jaka and Dickinson. Chaos started to reign down the stretch, and when the Doom Patrol got Gresham up for the Doomsday Device, Jordynne Grace ran in, ostensibly to help her man but in reality causing confusion that allowed Dickinson to get the win via rollup. Afterwards, she and Gresham bickered, with Grace saying she should have been his partner for this match instead of Zacky Three Belts. They decided to settle this in the only way possible: INSIDE THE SQUARED CIRCLE, at Beyond’s show in May. Fun! Rating: Four Keanus.

Final verdict: Not quite the start-to-finish classic as yesterday’s show, but well worth your time and dollars.

[theofficefantasyfootball]

WEEK 3 - Wrap Up

“You never know what the tide could bring in”

Sure I thought about deleting the league on Sunday afternoon.  I’ll admit it.  I could just push a button and claim that something went wrong and everything would be gone.  I could offer refunds, maybe suggest we continue on with the “alternate league THE REAL OFFICE” and see what happens…but then I reminded myself that just because I am having the worst possible fantasy football season that I could ever imagine… that things can still turn around , that I need to somehow stay alive…I have to keep breathing,  because tomorrow the sun will rise…and who knows what the tide could bring.  Hoping this video clip speaks to you like it did me…if you are a loser - there is hope!

GOAT vs LANAKILA

We have known him as Here We Go Without Romo, Haters Gonna Hate, Cup Cake and of course the hit of the draft GOAT.  My theory is he is trying to pull a” Mr Awesome” and call himself something in hopes that he will become that…which is a reach for sure.  But this week Kyle actually was the greatest – taking down a tough team in Lanakila and grabbing the high point win ($20).  I always say when your opponents kicker gets 19 points you are probably in trouble and add to that 45 from Brady,  24 from Freeman and almost 23 from Cook and it’s a guaranteed win.  As long as Cliff can keep Hill and Gurley healthy he will have more wins in the future – but this week he feels the agony of defeat.

LONG LEFT BALLERS vs MOOSES ON THE LOOSES

It’s good to know that there is justice in the world.  Bebo, who entered week 3 a two time loser – faced the very cocky, 2 time winner Mitch White, who even with a normal Kareem Hunt performance of 172 yards and a td – couldn’t go 3 and 0.  This game was over even before MNF began – where Bebo still had Elliott and Witten to play…so the points continued to stack up while the Moose sat at 88.80.  Here’s the thing…I like the Moose and I believe he might even make the playoffs this year – but every couple of weeks a guy like that needs a loss to keep perspective…and I am sure that after this loss sinks in, Mitch will probably call Bebo and thank him for the lessons he has learned.  Great job Bebo…sorry no high point but must be nice to have your first win.

ISUCK vs BAAAAAAD TO THE BONE

Listen, here’s the deal – Stu and I are both terrible.   Stu is just, this week not as terrible as I am.  My team is in chaos.  I want to go back to draft night and start over.  I really feel like when GOAT messed with my draft order it messed me up and I lost my 4th round pick strategy and now it’s going to take half the season to get myself out of it.  Thanks GOAT.  I mean what can we say here.  We both left big numbers on our bench.  I had Travis Kelce put up 1 yard for the entire game…that’s .10 points and Stu had a decent day from Winston and a great night from Carlos Hyde.  But bottom line we are both pretty bad and if you lose to us – you should be ashamed of yourselves.  Minka Kelley goes to Stu this week.  Enjoy!

TREE HUGGERS vs FUNK GUY

On this match up, I must admit that I actually feel a little bad for the Funk Guy.  Maybe it’s because I personally know how it feels to lose 3 weeks in a row, but also because he did come close to putting up 100 points and had good performances from a few of his players - Jordy and Odell. Basically, his QB & RB’s just didn’t show up like he needed them to.  For Krippayne (Tree Huggers) though – with the exception of Forte and his very early picked defense -  Seattle Seahawks (go TITANS)….all of his team decided to play and for a while it looked like he could be heading for a high point week.  Sorry Funk Guy.  Hang in there at some point you will face me and get your win!  Good luck Scott, next week you face Gullahorn who is coming off a huge loss and will have focus like you have never seen before.

TuMADRE vs HOWARD

I was going to start this paragraph with a question,  like why on earth would Gullahorn sit Demarco Murray and instead play Mike Gillislee, but then I realized that it doesn’t matter…even if he did make better choices – no combination would have beat Howard this week so what’s the point. And sure, we can see from Andy’s social media that he had a busy week…learning Rich Mullins songs for a show at the Ryman,  playing concerts in Texas, Badminton practice and probably  dozens of therapy hours we are not even aware of – but bottom line – he didn’t have the talent and Rob Howard did.  I mean Rob had Drew Brees, Piere Garcon, Gronk and the kicker I really wanted Matt Bryant.  Of course he was going to win.  Also, this week – he wasn’t busy at all…he ate dinner Friday night at Butchertown Hall…I saw him mowing his lawn…other than that – he had hours and hours to dedicate to his team.  Great win Howard.  Love the focus and dedication.  

MR AWESOME vs RUTLEDGE

Mr Awesome is once again Awesome.  I have to admit I was starting to get nervous.  It would be pretty embarrassing to be called Mr Awesome but be performing like ISUCK. But, thanks to Rutledge, Gabe walks away with his first win of the season.  Gabe showed us that you can still win even if your QB and TE decide to put up miserable numbers.  And Rutledge showed us that Marshawn Lynch spent his whole week learning new dance moves instead of looking at his playbook and also actually if your kicker puts up 19 points that doesn’t guarantee a win.  Both of these guys are now 1-2 just like the Jets, Colts and Bears.

SURVIVOR

And then there were seven! With Mooses on the Looses picking the Miami Dolphins who lost to the mighty Jet’s of New York…another one bites the dust.  Good Luck to those that remain!

TOP GOLF NASHVILLE THANK YOU!!!!

Just wanted to say a special thank you to Top Golf Nashville for having THE OFFICE Fantasy League out to celebrate their grand opening here in Nashville.  So sad that not everyone could make it - but great to have HOWARD, BAAAAAAD to the BONE (formerly Seven Springs), FUNK GUY, LANAKILA and THE COMMISH himself on hand.  

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 2 - "You May be Hot but You Can at Least Pretend to Laugh at my Jokes" - Isaac

I am now in a trio alliance with JD and Lydia. We're like Destiny's Child, but I'm Beyonce of course. The strategy (originally thought of by JD), is what I've dubbed 'Destiny's Child and Destiny's Children'. Us three are the core three, who will each link up with another one of the children, to form a majority. We'll pool all the information together and control the tribe. Can you call us a thruple?

The next immunity challenge - Afterlife Crawl - is issued.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/157844105761/immunity-challenge-2

Swedevivor. Whoever the branding team behind Swedish Survivor was needs to GET THEIR ACT TOGETHER. Swedevivor is a genius name! Anywho, just did the Elysium part of the challenge and I think I did okay (even though I took probably too long...)... I've not too pressed about this challenge, as Aleeza is the unfortunate obvious first boot if we go to tribal anywho.

I'm feeling overwhelmed by this game, I haven't done anything for either challenge and I only know the names of three of my tribe members. It's like a ticking time bomb of when will I be voted off

I HAVE MY OWN WIKI PAGE, TAKE THAT HATERS!

http://tumblr-survivor-athena.wikia.com/wiki/Ali

My confession? I love Jay. Right now I love Jay more than I love Abbey. Mostly because Jay needs the extra support, but I do. Love u both sm have a great night babes

I just want my tribe to like me and I'm trying really hard because I feel like they don't™. Like lowkey everytime I make a joke it isn't acknowledged and I try very hard to come up with material. Also Samuel in particular I feel like doesn't like me. He kind of doesn't even acknowledge my existence? Like bye you may be hot but you can at least pretend to laugh at my jokes.

Whew i think this is my first one so We voted out Linus bc he wasnt there (and because me matt ryan and Owen alligned) and now we slayed this fucking challenge we literally did that whew. I trust my alliance for now but we'll see about that in the future ColinHEY I DID SOMETHING. I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING TO HELP OUT :') I can't believe I did that. Im cryin. I did something productive y'all. i saved us from going to tribal council. Now we're the only tribe still completely intact. I'm also starting to talk a lot with the people on my tribe?? And I think I get along with like everyone?? To think last round I was crying about how I wouldn't fit in bc I'm new and all and now IM DOING THAT.

OH YEAH I ALSO HAVEN'T MADE A CONFESSIONAL SINCE LAST ROUND SO I'LL UPDATE YALL WITH MY NEW STRATEGY™. So I still love Logan and Trevor so much. I talk to them pretty much daily. Now I'm DETERMINED TO GET AN OFFICIAL ALLIANCE TONIGHT!!!! WISH ME LUCK YALL. Right now I still kinda wanna lay low. Like not to toot my own horn but I am a really good strategic player and manipulator, but I don't want to show that yet. I need to just play socially right now. I need to sit back, let others do stuff, and build a cute lil alliance around me. I'm stoked for this game now y'all have no idea

Boy do I have a lot to talk about. So first off YAY! First alliance! Me, Ali and Lydia are calling our selves Destiny's Children. Kinda because our plan was to baby the others in the tribe to make sure they were comfortable, then when we had to we'd start kicking them off. I don't think we're gonna do that anymore but we are three and we are with the newbies so I don't think they'll notice. Or one of us will get blind sides. But really... Why? The three of us were the strongest in the first challenge and we /almost all/ bombed the last one. Get rid of the person not playing, they are the weakest link, so good bye.

OKAY THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE MADE A CONFESSIONAL IN LIKE THE PAST HOUR BUT I GOT A LOT TO SAY. Ok maybe adding Trevor and Logan into an alliance was  BAD IDEA they seem awkward and they both told me they used to not get along so this is a weird alliance dynamic. But they both still cute and sweet so I'll try to make it work. If this ends up biting me in the ass I'll cry.

So gosh, I got a little worried earlier. Thought that my alliance member was picking a fight with one of the hosts. Dear god, worried as fuck I was. But that's what you get for only seeing one side of the conversation. I'm glad she spoke up, even if she didnt win the tie breaker and we still gotta go to tribal but it's alllll good. I'm glad she did it. Gave us a fighting chance and put two of our own in the labrynth too. And one of my own :D

Once again, I have no clue what's going on this game. I'm just trying to float on by and get through to the next challenge and hopefully get to play

I'm pretty sure Ali is in control of our tribe, which I'm okay with as long as they can keep me safe

George and Aleeza are removed from the Odysseus tribe after officially quitting, which will be announced later in the episode.

George and Aleeza just got removed from the tribe at the same time and then we were told a post was coming. Hopefully that means Aleeza was voted out or something because Aleeza is barely ever active in the tribe.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/157888463891/results-immunity-2

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/157890146531/announcement-tiebreaker

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/157890928596/results-tie-breaker

my tribe won immunity I'm very happy but rip Lydia huh

*blink*blink*.  The fuck just happened??!?!

So I’m pretty sure Trevor just went to everybody and told them about the labyrinth in the rules things because I was talking to Rob and he said that Trevor told him and Logan about the Labyrinth rule things and I was like hm that’s funny. And now I look at the wiki and our tribe is the only tribe to have pretty much everyone go to the labyrinth I think. I kinda know about the game Trevor plays because I read generations confessionals when I was really bored one day. I know something he likes to do to build trust with people is throw them information that you would think he would only tell you because he trusts you when in reality it’s something that he just using to make you believe that he trusts you with important information. For example the labyrinth being one of those things. You would think that only somebody who trusts you would tell you a way to get into the labyrinth. Well Trevor knows that, and he’s trying to use it to his advantage and he’s not being very sneak about it. I don’t blame him I do the same exact thing but I don’t go to literally everyone and tell them that. People talk and now he’s already getting caught trying to have his hand in multiple cookie cookie jars. I’m happy I decided to call with Rob because after this call I feel like I have a few plays that I can make to survive our first tribal council. Whenever that is at least. First Rob told me that Logan doesn’t trust Trevor and there’s some bad blood between them and Trevor. Now say like I said in my last confessional it does come to one of us three bangladesh peeps being targeted cause that’s really the only smart thing for these people to do. I can just pull a Cady Herron and shove Logan right in front of a bus and just tell Trevor that Logan doesn’t trust him because of Divergent which he knows will be true cause I know nothing about that game so there’s no reason for me to know that without actually being told it. If it has to be someone from bangladesh I want it to be Logan cause Rob is someone who I do really trust for now. I don’t know whether I should hold onto the information about Logan not trusting Trevor or if I should tell him whenever we end up calling like he wanted to. I do really like Trevor as a friend but I also am thinking it might be good to eventually take him out if I see that there is an opportunity to now or at a tribe swap. I’m hoping Lydia will really want to work with me because if she is willing to I’m willing to actually be loyal to her and be a close ally to her. But I know her and Trevor are like the bestest friends so there is no chance of Lydia being loyal to me over him which I don’t like. I’m such a selfish player lkvwcwkkw. I feel like I trust Trevor, and I trust Lydia. But for some reason when I think about playing with the both of them like together I don’t trust them as much as playing with just one of them at a time. Just cause I feel like if it is us three together than I will always be the musketeer that’s on the outs and they will definitely trust each other over me. I need to take Trevor out so that Lydia doesn’t have that person that she is comfortable with to run to once we swap or merge. I want to be that person that Lydia trusts the most if I do end up working with her and that will never be me as long as Trevor is in the game.

... in the words of a wise host called... Host 1... *" CATCH THESE HANDS"*

George and Aleeza officially quit the game, and a mutiny is offered in attempt to re-balance the tribes. Tribal council is cancelled.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/157917281706/announcement

OH YIKES A MUTINY. Okay so unless Logan or Trevor both say they want to mutiny, I won't, under any circumstances. I don't see any benefit to mutiny at this point, like our tribe seems pretty solid and intact. I really hope no one from Oympus chooses to mutiny. It'd just be bad to lose someone at this point, I'd rather just wait for the tribe swap in a couple rounds. The only people on our tribe who I feel MAY leave would be Isaac and Sam. I'm not really that close with them but I still desperately want them to stay. Ugh yikes this makes things weird. There is a small sinking feeling inside of me that is saying Trevor will mutiny to be with Owen, his boyfriend. But I trust him enough that I think he'd at least tell me if he was going to, so then I can actually go with him. Then i'd at least be with Owen and Duncan, the only two people in this game I actually knew beforehand. But still, TL;DR, YIKES I HOPE NO ONE FROM OLYMPUS DECIDES TO MUTINY WE'RE DOING SO WELL. Sami guess now it's finally time to make a confession! so everything has been going relatively smoothly? i hasn't run into too much trouble because i haven't really given a reason for people to target me. however, the only person that i truly trust is trevor, but i feel like he's being highly targeted by all the others. that's frustrating. now, there's a mutiny offer, and trevor wants to go. i don't believe i have a target, but i don't want to lose him. and, i also feel that if i mutiny, i will create a target on myself. so it's very very difficult to make this choice. stay tuned, kids!

https://youtu.be/RnLuEORFH9M

Mutiny results: http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/157927339256/mutiny-results