#i hope i wasn't too - lol y'know i'm always too long

[eternal-evergreens]

｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+*⁠.⁠✧JJK Men as Yanderes ｡⁠*ﾟ⁠+*⁠.⁠✧

Post Format: Headcanons

Featuring: Gender-Neutral Reader, Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, Toji Fushiguro, Ryomen Sukuna, Mahito, Choso Kamo

Word count: Each piece is roughly 750 words

Warnings: implied sabotage (Gojo, Toji, Choso), invasion of privacy (Gojo), kidnapping (Gojo, Sukuna), murder (Geto), kidnapping mention (Nanami, Toji), suicidal ideation (Nanami), light gore (Gojo, Sukuna, Mahito), reader injury (Sukuna), threats of bodily harm/mutilation (Mahito), sexual assault (Mahito), implied murder (Choso)

Satoru Gojo

You're nothing special. Not compared to him, at least. With no long line of sorcery or blue blood running through your veins, your family is just about as average as it gets.

You're nothing special---not to Jujutsu society, anyway. But who gives a shit about that? To Satoru, you're more than special.

You're everything.

He's always been the strongest, and yet, when he's with you, he just feels so weak.

Like a schoolgirl fawning over her latest crush, Satoru often finds himself checking his phone while away on missions, hoping to see your name appear on his screen. It doesn't have to be anything special—even a picture of some ugly animal with the caption "That's u, lol." is enough to get him going. Just knowing you were thinking of him at all, even in an unflattering light, makes him feel lightheaded in a way not even battle can emulate.

It's weird. It's embarrassing.

But he can't get enough.

Satoru wants you more than he's ever wanted anything, and he wants you to feel the same way. He'd do anything if it meant winning your heart.

If you asked him to kneel, he'd kneel. If you asked him to beg, he'd beg. If you asked him to rip out a man's heart and present it to you, he'd ask if he should do so on a silver or gold platter.

If you asked him to let you go, however...

You sigh and fall back onto the couch. It'd been a week since your landlord mysteriously kicked you out, and Satoru took you in with a frankly suspicious eagerness. To say that he was an overbearing roommate was to put it lightly.

He'd follow you around the flat from room to room, enter your bedroom without knocking, and once, you even caught him sifting through your laundry. He wasn't even embarrassed about getting caught, let alone the fact that he had done it in the first place.

You decided to start searching for a new roommate after that.

"Y'know," Satoru says, slinging his arms around your shoulders---you hadn't even heard him approach. You quickly close your computer, which happens to have very clearly been showcasing cheap apartments in the area. "I could have just taken ya'. Snatched you up off the street like some kidnapper."

"What...?"

"---But I decided to play nice instead. I thought we could forge a real relationship that way. But you've just been pushing me away. I'm starting to think I've been too lenient with ya'. Like maybe I should have just locked you up instead."

"That isn't funny, Satoru."

"Who said I was joking?" You open your mouth to respond, but Satoru cuts you off before you get the chance. "You want dinner? I can order us takeout. Anywhere you'd like."

Drop it, his eyes say. You do.

That very night, you pack a bag and head to the nearest hotel. In the morning, you'll ask your job if they can transfer you to another city. For tonight, you'd like to just get a good night's rest without the lingering fear of waking up to his figure looming over you.

You wake up to familiar surroundings. It doesn't register as strange until you remember checking into a hotel the night prior. You shoot up to get a better look around. Sure enough, you're in your own bedroom, not the hotel's.

But how...?

You're sure you left last night. Did you dream it? You go to check your phone, but it's not there.

Just then, the door opens. "Oh, you're up," your roommate says.

"Satoru, what's---"

"I called you in sick for work today," he says casually, "and tomorrow. Actually, starting today, you're unemployed."

"What?!"

"Don't worry. I can take care of us. I've got more than enough money."

Satoru wants you more than he's ever wanted anything, and he wants you to feel the same way. He'd do anything if it meant winning your heart.

If you asked him to kneel...If you asked him to beg...

If you asked him to let you go, however...

"C'mon, baby, you know I can't do that," he'd say, arms around your waist and head in your lap. "Ask me for something else, anything. Just not that. Do you want a pony? We can get a pony."

"No---"

"What about a cat? Or maybe you prefer dogs? I could get a purebred if you wanted one. I know it gets lonely being in the house all by yourself."

"I want to go outside, Satoru."

"We could get a fish tank, I guess. Though I doubt they'd make good company."

"Listen to me---"

"Actually, maybe that's for the best. Wouldn't want to compete for my lover's attention in my very own home, you know?"

Suguru Geto

When he was at his lowest, Suguru thought of you. It kept him going. It kept him sane.

So, of course, you were the first person he asked to join him in the creation of the new world. His world.

"Our world," he said, the look on his face desperate, pleading.

You declined, of course. His ideals went against everything you stood for as a Jujutsu sorcerer. As a person.

He took it well---or seemed to, at least. He flashed you a plastered-on smile and released your hands from his, leaving you with no further fuss.

For a while, that seemed to be the end of it.

Life went on. Though you would occasionally catch wind of his nefarious deeds, dealing with such things never fell within your purview. In fact, it almost seemed as if the higher-ups were purposefully keeping you from any cases that involved him.

You had all but forgotten about that fateful evening when a call from the higher-ups had you booking a flight to Okayama.

Apparently, there had been a sudden influx of cursed spirits in the region. And as the lead researcher in cursed phenomena, you were called to the scene.

You had already been given a file outlining the happenings, but out of courtesy, Yumi, the assistant supervisor assigned to the case alongside you, filled you in regardless.

"It's not that there's a higher rate of cursed spirits being born in this area," she said. "They're migrating here."

"Hmm," you look over the map on your tablet again; colour-coded dots mark the locations and grades of each (presumed) non-native sighting. The spacings are far from natural. They seem to have been made with intent, almost as if forming a pattern of some kind.

"We've set up a barrier to track the arrival of new cursed spirits. Nearly every curse from fourth to semi-first grade in the neighbouring towns has been coming here. Some of our windows have even spotted them moving together in groups."

"Was there anything strange about their behaviour? Like moving in single-file lines, with strange movements, or perhaps even speaking?" Yumi lights up.

"Yes, actually! They were all---"

Your screen flashes, suddenly restarting the tablet without your input.

"Huh...?"

"[Last]-San..." Your supervisor almost whispers. You tear your eyes from your screen to hers as she weakly holds up her tablet to you.

Over four hundred cursed spirits have been spotted crossing the Okayama border within the past fifteen minutes.

Your tablet finishes restarting, and you scramble to view the map again, hoping what you just saw was nothing more than a glitch.

The loading screen seems to take ages to complete, but when it does, the map shows exactly what you feared.

Oh. You get it now.

The pattern it was trying to spell out. It's "愛"

---"Love".

You hear a scream.

"Ah, it's good to see you again. How long has it been now?" A voice---one you're all too familiar with---says. "Two, no, maybe three years?" Suguru is wiping blood off of his hands. You don't want to look down. You can't look down.

Yumi is dead.

You looked down.

"I'm not sure why I phrased that like a question I didn't know the answer to," he says, smiling in a way that makes your heart ache. "I've been keeping track down to the days, you see."

"Were you...behind this?" You've never been one for combat. You can't use reverse cursed technique to save Yumi. You can't fight to save the others. There's nothing you can do.

You've never felt so helpless.

"I did," he admits casually. "I recently got my hands on a new curse. First-grade 'Pied Piper', its technique creates a sort of call-and-response between itself and other curses of a lower grade through a musical frequency only other curses can perceive. With that technique, I can manipulate the movements of curses I haven't yet acquired without leaving my residuals behind."

"But if it's coming from the technique of a curse you possess, your residuals would still be left behind," you counter.

"Ah, as quick on the uptake as always, [First]," he praises. "You're right, or you would be if this curse were under the control of my curse spirit manipulation. No, this curse was tamed, not subjugated."

"Why are you telling me this?"

He's going to kill you once he's finished explaining.

"I've always appreciated an inquisitive mind," he says. "especially when it's your inquisitive mind." Your mouth forms a vague 'O' shape as the realisation dawns on you.

"愛"

"Love"

...You're never getting away.

Kento Nanami

Nanami is someone who has never really been all that content with life.

Sorcery sucks. Corporate sucks. Japan sucks.

Sometimes, on his darkest days, Nanami thinks about what would have happened if he had joined Haibara—or better yet, if he had never even been born in the first place. If the world is this awful, wouldn't it be better to have never experienced it at all?

But then he met you, and suddenly, the world didn't seem all that bad.

Don't get him wrong, it's not like your presence suddenly made all the wrongs in the world right, but it did make him feel like they all mattered just a little bit less. Like maybe all this suffering was worth it, if it also meant he could see you smile.

So, of course, he'd do anything to keep you safe. To protect that smile.

The easiest way to ensure that, of course, would be to clip your wings. To lock you away somewhere where only he could reach you. A songbird that only sings for him, a dove in a birdcage.

He'd treat you like royalty, of course. His job pays well, but he's a somewhat frugal person by nature, so he has plenty of savings lying around. Whatever you wanted, he'd get you.

As long as you stayed safe, he couldn't ask for anything more. Even if you didn't love him, as long as your smile could be protected, that would be enough.

He's in the middle of researching what kind of restraints would cause the least damage and irritation to your skin when he realises what a grave mistake he was about to make.

'If the world is this awful, wouldn't it be better to have never experienced it at all?'

What if...

What if you started feeling that way, too?

What if, in trying to protect your smile, he ends up being the one to take it away?

He could offer you all the material things in the world, but if it comes at the price of your freedom, it might still not make you happy. After all, it was the same for him.

If money didn't make him happy, why would you be different?

Sorcery sucks. Corporate sucks. Japan sucks.

Nanami is worse.

He doesn't deserve you. It's with this thought in mind that he begins to avoid you. He refuses to meet your gaze, leaves the room when you enter, and declines all missions that involve your presence.

He feels like he's going crazy. Separation has made him sloppy and reckless. He comes home with more injuries, and a part of him thinks he deserves it.

Bags begin to form under his eyes as two weeks go by without the haven of your presence. He sees you everywhere now. The girl across the street is dressed in a substyle you like. The model in that magazine has your eyes. The cafe down the block is having a special on your coffee order.

"Nanamin, why're you avoiding [Last] all of a sudden? They do something to you?" Nanami scoffs at the remark but doesn't answer. He turns to leave but stops when Gojo continues. "Y'know, they actually came cryin' to me about it. Said they had no idea why you suddenly started treatin' 'em like they've got the plague." Nanami turns to look at Gojo, who's fiddling with his blindfold. "You should make up with them soon. Can't leave our cute little assistant supervisor feeling so down, you know?"

Nanami hates to admit it, but Gojo might be right.

'What if, in trying to protect your smile, he ends up being the one to take it away?'

Fuck. He can't do anything right.

He really doesn't deserve you, but what can he do? If he leaves, you won't smile anymore, but if he stays, you'll be smiling at a monster.

But what can he do? He'd do anything to protect that smile.

Even if it means hiding his fangs.

Toji Fushiguro

Toji is a man who takes what he wants and doesn't care if he has to get his hands dirty in order to take it.

Naturally, this applies to you as well.

It's strange, he's never wanted someone as badly as he wants you. Not his past flings, not even his late wife.

Toji is no stranger to romance. He was married, after all. He knows love. It's a familiar feeling.

That's why he's inclined to believe that what he feels for you isn't love. No, what he feels for you is far too primal to be love. It's rough and all-consuming. It's nothing like the soothing feeling he had around his wife.

Love wraps around one's heart like a warm blanket. This wraps around his heart like a python.

But if it's not love, what is it?

Actually, scratch that. It doesn't matter.

Whatever it is, it's some form of desire. And if he desires something, then all he has to do is take it.

Yes, it's better to keep these kinds of things simple rather than getting tied up in technicalities.

There is a problem, however. He'd like nothing more than to just lock you up and keep you for himself, but with his somewhat unstable income and his habit of bouncing around from place to place, that isn't exactly feasible.

Ah, what to do...?

He could settle down or stop spending his money as soon as he earns it, but where's the fun in that?

No, rather than try to adapt to your lifestyle, he'd much rather force you to adapt to his. Still, he supposes some sacrifices will be necessary, as his lifestyle is currently only fit for one.

You'll have to quit your job since you'll be moving around from place to place alongside him, but he'll just take on some more jobs to cover the extra cost; it's no big deal.

He proposes the idea to you so matter-of-factly that it's almost as if he believes you to have already agreed to the plan beforehand. In reality, this is your first time hearing of such a thing, and you're so stunned that you momentarily lose your voice.

You've known this man for two, no, maybe three weeks, and yet he's asking you to drop everything and come overseas with him? You're not even friends! He's just a regular at the cafe you're employed with.

It dawns on you that he must be joking, so you chuckle awkwardly and avert your gaze. Perhaps you simply haven't known him long enough to gauge his sense of humour. You feel a little embarrassed for nearly having taken him so seriously.

Then, he shows you the plane tickets.

Bewildered, you end up being more blunt than you perhaps meant to: "I'm not going," you say, pushing his tickets back to him.

"Sweetheart," he says dryly. "I'm not asking." You shoot him a strained, confused smile, which quickly morphs into a more genuine one as the door chimes.

To think you'd ever be happy to serve a customer. It's a foreign sentiment, but if it means an end to this strange interaction, you'd happily serve a hundred---no, maybe even a thousand customers.

You take their order and get to making their drink, shooting quick glances at the man---Toji, you think---from behind the bar.

He hasn't taken his eyes off of you.

It's days like this that you wish the company wasn't so stingy about hiring more than one person for shifts. You're about to clock out, and if that man is going to stay until closing, you'd really like to have a coworker walk you back to your car.

It's twenty minutes until closing when Toji finally leaves. You let out an unconscious sigh of relief, feeling your shoulders relax. That was weird, but you shouldn't have to see him again, right? He's going overseas tomorrow, after all.

Yeah, you won't see him again. Thank goodness.

It's with that thought in mind that you flip the "We're open!" sign to its side and lock the doors. It's only 6 PM, but the fall season means it's already dark. You shiver from a cool breeze as you make your way towards your car at last.

Huh. Flat tire.

Ryomen Sukuna

Those who know of Sukuna will inevitably feel sorry for anyone who happens to catch his gaze. Sorcerer or not, none will ever possess even a fraction of the strength he carries, and for someone like Sukuna, that means you're no better than a bug to be trampled on.

What a poor, pitiful thing you are. You must be treated more like a pet than a person. A plaything for him to toy with, to discard once you've ceased to entertain.

However, this interpretation couldn't be more wrong.

What others fail to realise is that Sukuna would never waste his time on someone he doesn't consider his equal. Weak as you may be, there's something about you that seems different in his eyes.

Like a precious gem left unpolished, there's a certain allure to you that only a trained eye could see, and he'll be damned if he lets anyone else stake a claim on you first.

No, he'll be the one to bring out your true potential.

Sukuna has never met someone worthy of being his companion. This has never bothered him, however. Loneliness was not something he was familiar with. There are those who have tried, of course, to prove their worth, to stand by his side, but none have ever moved him.

None until you, that is.

The funny thing is that you don't even try to win his attention. You never once asked for his gaze to land upon you. And yet, he can't bring himself to look away.

Sukuna doesn't know what to do with you. You make him feel things he's never felt before.

Is this weakness? Is it love?

Is there a difference between the two at all?

Should he kill you? Should he keep you?

What can he do to make these feelings go away? What can he do to ensure they never go away?

In exchange for not pillaging your homeland, the townspeople offer you up as a sacrifice. It was Uraume's idea.

At midnight, you're dragged out of the comfort of your home and tied to a stake, where you stay for hours. By dawn, you've worn yourself out with struggle, dried blood sticking to your hands and the ropes around your wrists, when a white-haired stranger comes to collect you.

The stranger undoes your bindings, but only the ones keeping you bound to the pole. You're dragged along like a dog on a leash for countless hours until you eventually arrive at the largest estate you've ever seen in your life. It's midday when you're untied and allowed to bathe. The warm water releases all the tension from your aching muscles, and as you bathe, the white-haired fellow replaces the garments you arrived in with robes made of fine silk.

The stranger's name is Uraume, they tell you. They'll be taking care of you until their master is ready to meet with you.

"What happens after that?" you ask tentatively.

Uruame flashes you a smile that refuses to answer.

Before you know it, a full week has passed you by. You're still yet to see this so-called master, but Uraume tells you not to worry. After all, the master has already seen you lots of times, they say.

The thought of being watched in secret sends a shiver down your spine.

Though the prison is large, you're confined to only one wing of the estate, and after a week of having nothing to do but wander, you have the entire layout memorized. Bored and unattended, you decide to venture out into the unknown past the garden's gates. There, you come face-to-face with the largest man you've ever laid eyes upon.

A hulking figure with four arms and fiery pink hair turns to you, and in an instant, you fall to the ground, only vaguely aware of the blood pooling around you and the pain across your chest.

In truth, Sukuna had tried to kill you, but his technique missed your vitals. It takes him a moment of watching your blood ooze out of the open wound to realize he did it on purpose. Before he even realizes it, he's picked you up in his lower arms and applied reverse cursed technique to your injury. You've lost consciousness, and your pulse is weak, but you aren't dead. Relief floods through Sukuna's veins as he listens to your soft breathing.

From that day on, you're never to leave his side unless absolutely necessary. From that day on, Sukuna has someone worthy of standing by his side, not as a servant, nor a pet, but as a companion. From that day on, Sukuna has a lover.

Whether you like it or not.

Mahito

As a curse born from the hatred and fear humans feel towards their own kind, Mahito relishes humanity's anguish and despair. He kills without a second thought, not caring who he hurts or who gets swept up into his path of mass destruction.

So why is it that this particular human sways him so? Why is it that he thinks your soul looks pretty, just the way it is? Why does he want to touch you but not to warp you beyond repair?

Why does he want you to look at him? Why does he want to scoop your eyes out of your sockets so that you can never look away?

To be a curse is to always follow your own desires, no matter how contradictory or inconsistent---that's the motto that Mahito lives by.

So, of course, this philosophy applies to you as well.

It doesn't make sense, and he doesn't understand it. But that doesn't matter to him. Why would it? He's a curse, and curses take what they want. What he wants is you, so, of course, he has to take you, too.

Mahito doesn't spend long watching you before he makes his move. First, he has to check if you can even see curses to begin with. If you can, that'll make things easier. But if you can't...well, that'll be fun too.

He bumps into you at the train station around 2 AM. It was a late night at work, and you're now dead on your feet. There's no one around, so it's the perfect time for him to test you. He taps your shoulder with a smile.

If you don't react, he starts feeling you up, talking aloud about how much he wants you as his hands roam your body.

"Mm, you're so weak," he says, palm on your stomach. "Look at you, all unguarded. If I wanted to, I could take your soul and just—" he squeezes the flesh on your abdomen. "—until you go splat! Hmm, but I don't really want to do that. I wonder why?" His hand trails down to your hips, brushing past—but not quite landing on—your private areas.

"It's weird, isn't it? You can't even see me. You don't even know I exist. But I know you exist." He grabs your hand, interlocking your fingers together. "Humans usually wear rings when they're married, right? I wonder why you don't have one? You're such a catch," he giggles. "Ah, well, I guess it's better for me. Less work, y'know?Though, I would have liked to see the look on your face, coming home to dear, sweet hubby, all mangled up in your living room. I wouldn't even bother transfiguring him. No, I'd want you to see his face clearly, all contorted in pain with his guts splayed out all over the floor."

He follows you home. You still can't see him, but you at least seem a little aware of his presence, with the way you keep glancing over your shoulder, randomly picking up the pace and taking more turns than necessary.

How fascinating! You can't see him, and yet you can sense him? He's swooning already.

"Don't worry, [First]," he says, arms around your shoulders as you fumble with your keys. "You'll be able to see me soon. And after that, you're never getting rid of me."

If you do react, however, he holds himself back, opting to strike up a lighthearted conversation with you instead.

"What's a pretty thing like you doing here all alone?" He asks. "Don't you know the subway is dangerous at night?" You visibly bristle, clearly on guard. He grins.

"Do you need something?" You ask, clutching your bag to your chest and stepping back. His grin widens, easily closing the distance you've just created.

"You're lonely, aren't you? All you do is work; you don't even have any friends! It's kind of pathetic, really. That's okay, though, I like you anyway. I might be the only one."

"What do you---"

"I could help you, you know. Ease your loneliness, maybe?" He's touching you now. Nothing outright inappropriate, but you could smell his intentions from a mile away.

"No thanks," you say. The train stops, and you hurry off the platform. Fortunately, the stranger doesn't get off with you. He waves at you as the doors close, and you run all the way home.

Finally feeling safe, you don't bother to do anything more than kick off your shoes before collapsing on your bed. It creaks under your weight, then creaks again. You freeze, your eyes shooting open.

"Heya," the stranger says. "Fancy seeing you again."

Choso Kamo

If you were to describe him in one word, 'inexperienced' may be your best bet.

Though it's true that he has 'lived' for over one hundred and fifty years, he spent most of that time as a cursed womb, unable to truly experience the outside world for himself. Even after being incarnated and absorbing the memories of his host, Choso finds himself unable to relate to any of his body's experiences. He knows what love is and what lovers do, but only from a technical standpoint. To actually experience it is something he's never even dreamed of doing.

So, of course, when he starts feeling these things for you, he's unable to properly put a label on them. At first, he thinks he's sick, which isn't unreasonable, considering his rather long list of symptoms (fever, shakes, sweats, heart palpitations, and clouded mind, he notes dutifully).

However, that idea is quickly shut down. Being a cursed womb death painting, it's highly unlikely that he even can get sick; plus, his symptoms only seem to surface when you're around (or when he's thinking of you, which, admittedly, is often).

Did you curse him? No, you don't have a technique like that.

Then, what...?

It takes him a somewhat embarrassingly long time for him to realise the truth behind his feelings. It isn't until after he catches himself staring at your lips and thinking about how soft they'd feel against his that he concludes he likes you.

So, he's figured it out. Now what...?

Choso searches through his host's memories in an attempt to figure out how to woo you. Unfortunately for him, his host was a frat boy with commitment issues who knew more about one-night stands than how to build the foundations for an actual relationship.

So, Choso consults Yuki Tsukimo, who he, with his very limited circle of friends, considers to be an expert.

As expected, Yuki is ecstatic at the news that Choso has found his type. Immediately, she's giving an impromptu lecture on the ways of the heart.

"First, you have to figure out their type," she says, wagging a finger. "If it's a match, you're all good. If not, you either need to give up or double down."

Through Yuki's mentoring, Choso learned the general rules for signalling romantic interest. Flowers, chocolates, walks in the park, walks on the beach—a lot of walking in general, actually—candlelit dinner, pick-up lines—he's got it all memorized.

The problem is that his throat gets dry, and his knees lock up when he so much as thinks about talking to you.

So he takes to following you with his eyes instead.

"It's just until I gather the courage to talk to them," he tells himself. "I'll stop once I figure out their type."

Right, if he can't ask you about your interests, he'll just have to observe them instead.

So, he watches you. All the time. Eventually, he all but forgets about his previous plan of it being a temporary habit.

It's just so...addicting. Watching you go about your day like normal. Completely unaware of his presence in the shadows. 

He learns about your hobbies, your interests, what kind of shows you like, your favourite foods, whether you still keep stuffed animals in your room, and more. He has a mental folder of all your likes and dislikes. And while there are some things he’s not able to learn, some places he’s not able to follow, it’s enough. Just knowing this much is perfect. 

He doesn't do anything. He doesn't plan to, either. He’s content with just watching. It's comfortable like this. He doesn't want anything to change. So, he forgets about stopping, and instead sinks even deeper into his newfound obsession.

If he had it his way, things would stay like this forever. Him, never confessing, and you, never knowing. But, unfortunately, fate had other plans in mind.

It was 10:15 AM, and you were at a local coffee shop by yourself when the barista handed you their number with your receipt. You shyly accepted, and just a day later, the two of you had plans for a date the next week.

Unfortunately, your 'date' canceled last minute and blocked you with no explanation.

It's a good thing, then, that your good friend Choso just so happened to bump into you, lending you his shoulder to cry on.

Well, there's no reason to waste a good dinner reservation, right?

You never do go back to that cafe, but if you did, you'd find the barista missing from the register.

[lanawinterscigarettes]

Can you write a joe goldberg x reader where they are out at a bar and the reader gets a lil too tipsy and flirty with another guy and joe gets all jealous and it ends with them dry humping and making out against a wall outside the bar??? I love your stuff ohmigod

omg yes absolutely! and thank you so much, you're so sweet <33

Jealousy, Jealousy (Joe Goldberg x gn reader)

Warnings: SMUT, Joe has jealousy issues lol, reader is a little tipsy but they're still sober enough to consent, dry humping, heavy making out (against a wall), slight exhibitionism, hickeys/biting/marking, brief degrading/Joe has a slight humiliation kink here, gender neutral reader so genitalia and the like aren't specified

Five minutes. Five minutes, that's all he'd been gone for, just to come back to see you hanging off the arm of some other man.

Seriously?

Joe scoffed as he glared at you from the corner, watching you place your hand on the mystery guy's chest and whisper something that he could only assume was needlessly provocative into said guy's ear.

That should be him that you were hanging off, him you were whispering in the ear of.

Scowling, he quickly made his way over, not even bothering to apologize to the few people he managed to bump into. "Hey," he greeted in a tense and strained voice, looking like he was about to crack a tooth from how hard he was clenching his jaw.

At first he thought that maybe it was a mistake. Maybe you were too drunk to realize that guy wasn't him, maybe you hadn't even noticed that he'd left, maybe you'd just so happened to cling onto the nearest tall, attractive person with dark hair under the assumption that he was your boyfriend.

Until you glanced over, and he saw the cheeky glint of mischief in your eyes and the shit-eating grin on your face. "Oh, baby, hey," you drawled out slow and lazily, your speech a little slurred from the alcohol that was currently pumping through your system. "Where have you been? I was looking all over for you. I was so worried."

If he'd been a cartoon, his face would've been bright red with anger and steam would've been seen coming out of his ears. "Don't 'hey, baby' me," he snapped while grabbing your arm, not hard enough to hurt you but certainly firm enough to where you couldn't wiggle away from him. "We're leaving, now."

"Aw, but I just made a new friend," you replied with a pronounced pout, giving him your best puppy dog eyes in hopes of winning him over.

But he was having none of it, refusing to even acknowledge the guy as he furiously dragged you away (the guy in question was fortunately smart enough to leave well alone and let you go without protest).

"I'm never taking you out again, do you hear me? Never again," he practically scolded, his long legs moving almost too fast for you to keep up with.

"But baby-" you loudly began your complaint before he grabbed you by the collar. You felt the breath get knocked out of you as he roughly pushed you up against the wall of a nearby alleyway outside the bar.

"Enough," he snapped harshly, his eyes full of pure envy as he glared at you. The sexual frustration he was fighting with was so strong you could practically feel it pressing against you. Or maybe that was just his hard-on in his jeans. "What have I told you about flirting with other guys, huh? What did I say?"

Huffing, you averted your gaze from him, well aware of the answer he was looking for. "Not to," you grumbled with a childish pout, not enjoying the way he was currently reprimanding you. "But it's not my fault you left me all alone in there."

"I had to use the bathroom," he hissed out through gritted teeth, his patience starting to run thin. "That doesn't give you the excuse to go cozy up to some other guy like I don't even exist."

"Aw, baby, you know I didn't mean to," you purred out in that sultry tone you always knew worked on him, one of your hands slipping down to fiddle with the hem of his pants as you spoke. "I just missed you, y'know? I was lonely and needed something to help me pass the time. I'd never actually cheat on you with someone else, you know that."

As much as he hated to admit it, the charm you were trying to win him over with was working. "Come on, don't try to seduce me when I'm mad," he muttered half-heartedly as your fingers slipped through the belt loops of his pants and used them to tug him in closer, his hips pressing flush against yours.

The corners of your lips curled upwards into a smug smirk when you realized your plan was working. "I missed you so much while you were gone," you continued in a pathetic sounding tone, your hands letting go of his pants so you could wrap your arms around his neck instead.

The growl he let out sounded heavenly, like music to your ears. He trapped you up against the wall of the alleyway while his hands moved to grab onto your hips. "Don't tease me," he warned in a low voice, but you simply snickered in response.

"Make me," you whispered back, and that was all it took for the floodgates to open up and all of his self-control to crumble as his lips met yours in a passionate embrace of teeth and tongue.

"You can be such a brat sometimes," he mumbled into your mouth, his tongue swiping across your bottom lip after. He could tell just from the look on your face how much you were enjoying yourself.

"Only with you." Those three little words caused his grip on you to tighten as he jolted his hips into yours, relishing at the sudden feeling of friction between you.

There was no possible way for his cock to get any harder, but somehow it did. "Say- say that again," he demanded in a soft and breathy voice as he leaned his forehead against yours. "Say that you're only like this with me, that you only do this stuff for me."

You knew exactly what he wanted, of course. He wanted validation, he needed it, even. It was something he was so helplessly desperate for. He needed you to reassure him that there would be no other guys, not now or ever, that he was the only one. And with the pitiful way he was staring at you, how could you ever refuse?

"Only for you, Joe. You know I only have eyes for you, babe," you murmured before grabbing the collar of his coat and tugging his lips back to yours in another passionate kiss, one that was even more intense than the last.

He couldn't help but start to grind against you, acting like a dog in heat with the way he was dry humping you right up against the wall of some random alleyway where anyone could look down and see you. At that point, he didn't care who saw. He just knew that he needed you, and he intended on having you, one way or the other.

You, on the other hand, were delighted and even giddy at his eagerness. Normally you'd be a bit more hesitant to have your boyfriend get so handsy with you in a semi-public place, but the alcohol running through your veins gave you just enough of the liquid courage needed in order to successfully banish those fears away and replace them entirely with the overwhelming experience of lust you always had for him whenever he became possessive like that.

The whimpers and pants that exited his mouth uncontrollably were just the cherry on top, the previous look of rage at having another guy touch you being completely overtaken by his primal urge to take you and make you his. You let out a noise that was a cross between a moan and a sigh when you felt his lips meet your neck, biting and sucking at the area in an attempt to mark you, to claim you as his and his alone.

The pace of his hips was unrelenting as he kept you pinned to the wall, the feeling of his boner rubbing against you through the fabric of your pants making you just as crazy as he was. "God, you're such a fucking slut for me, Joe," you commented mindlessly as your fingers curled through his hair, directing his mouth to a lower spot on your neck in the process.

Your words didn't seem to upset him, and if anything only happened to turn him on even more. He buried his face further into your neck while gripping onto your hips so tightly you were certain he'd leave marks behind, his movements in tandem with yours as you'd started to thrust upwards in an attempt to match his speed.

When he finally came, he bit his lip so hard he almost drew blood, trying his best to muffle the humiliating sounds that were doing their best to creep out and escape from him. You finished soon after, your body tensing up and going limp from the amount of energy you had drained from you.

"Second round at home?" You questioned once you were able to catch your breath, to which he merely letting out a short laugh and pulled your body closer to his.

"As long as you promise to never flirt with another guy again," he bargained in turn, just as exhausted as you were even if he was also itching for more.

He was so naive for thinking that would be the one and only time you'd ever purposely flirt with somebody else. With the kind of reaction you'd managed to gain from him, this was only the beginning. It was decided: you'd have to make him jealous more often.

End notes: I love writing smutty joe fics omg

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[bonefall]

What are your thoughts on Crowfeather's Trial? I already know how you feel about my other least favorite super editions so I'm curious about your opinions on this one lol

I think at best it's just okay. Like...it feels like they're going "see!! We're holding him accountable!!" But then they just kinda...dont?? Like I didn't feel any differently about Crowfeather by the end than I did when I started. There's parts I like about it but overall it just fell flat for me

Like how am I supposed to like this guy when he's just constantly a dick?? he can't stand Harespring for some reason, there's a moment where he's like "I wish my son was dead" and when Nightcloud goes missing he barely gives a damn and doesn't bother to even try and look for her

Anyways I'll forever be mad that they gave this guy a whole super edition and he'll probably have the most dramatic death ever while Leafpool suffered her entire life (and afterlife) and got killed off screen. Hoping he gets jumped by rats and dies from infection

I'm not a big fan of it. It's one of the better written SEs and has a clear goal in mind, but every time I have to encounter it, it feels like it's sidelining the characters who actually deserve to be explored in favor of Crowfeather Sadboy Whinging.

Breezepelt has 12 books detailing how being mistreated by Crowfeather is making him worse, and showing that social alienation is pushing him towards the Dark Forest. Nightcloud was demonized by the old team even though they wrote Crowfeather deflecting all the blame of Breeze's behavior onto her, giving the new team a great opportunity to correct the mistakes of the old writers... and they decided to focus on Crowfeather instead.

And, mind you, they conveniently leave out massive details about how BADLY Crowfeather was abusing his child.

There's this one part of the book where he learns that Breezepelt broke his leg as a kid and he feels like shit for not remembering it, and it's supposed to be a big moment where Crowfeather realizes he was apathetic and careless. But he WASN'T just apathetic and careless. We see him TEACHING his child xenophobia in order to mock and offend Leafpool, smacking Breezepaw around for being 'rude' (the way Crowf always is), and screeching at him for having basic needs like hunger or rest.

Crowfeather WASN'T just a sad, sad boy who didn't pay attention to his kid because he was too busy pining over Dead Wife. What he did to Breezepelt wasn't just neglect; it was physical and emotional abuse.

The book DOES ultimately hold him responsible for how Breezepelt turned out, yes. But it doesn't properly focus on WHAT made Breeze come out the way he did. It wasn't genes, it wasn't Daddy Not Smile At Me. I can only assume the reason why they didn't address how ghoulish Crowfeather actually was is because they knew that being honest and direct about him abusing his child would make him unsympathetic.

Which is a problem, because, y'know, you can just make it Breezepelt's Trial and NOT have to thread that needle??

And furthermore... the book is trying to show Crowfeather addressing that he's kind of an asshole and moving on from it, earning deputyship as a reward for his growth, but what the book really demonstrates to me is that Crowfeather is a dickhead who actually shouldn't have ANY power at all. I don't understand why people would trust him or want him as their leader. I don't see any reason to think that he would be responsible with the lives of an entire Clan of people.

Before I hear clown shoes; if you think that means I "just don't like" that he would be an ""interesting leader,"" pile yourself back into the car with your 30 other jesters and drive away. I mean that it feels completely wrong that any character in-universe would look at the person who exists in Crowfeather's Trial, and say, "this is a person who would help me effectively rule."

What he does, all-book-long, is show that he's an emotionally unstable loose canon borderline incapable of self-reflection. Other characters have to directly tell him "you should try being less of an asshole" and "maybe be nice to your family sometimes?" while he comes up with bullshit reasons to seethe at every character who wanders into his line of sight.

I massively resent the fact that even Leafpool has to mommy his baby ass towards the end of the book. After he spends a good part of Po3 and OotS finding roundabout ways to snipe at her for not giving him exactly what he wanted. It falls on HER to be the one he can ask for advice on how to fix the family he treated like shit his whole life.

no that's not hyperbole she literally. textually. is compared to his mother.

and he can't even be gracious about it, he's instantly all huffy and offended, completely proving her point. Why the hell would anyone make this guy a deputy? The man needs TWO motherly figures giving him the exact same basic advice and a dedicated super edition before he adjusts his behavior even slightly.

(watch him get Boring Leader Syndrome the minute he inevitably becomes Crowstar, too)

Sooo, in a nutshell;

It's one of the better SEs. unfortunately.

Crowfeather is held accountable for being the problem in his own relationships, thank god

but it doesn't fully hold the actions we SAW in the main series books accountable, seemingly purposefully leaving out the worst things he did.

Another WC book where a male character gets an insane amount of sympathy and rewarding that female characters are NEVER deigned deserving of.

Should have been Breezepelt's story. I strongly dislike how Breeze's "redemption" was based on his shitty dad saying sorry. He deserved an actual character arc struggling with ever trusting WindClan again after they took his dad's judgement about him at face value.

Absolutely awful that Leafpool is killed between books and given a trial where they consider sending her to hell when they finally DO get around to showing how she died, while Crowfeather gets an SE about the whole world holding his hand so he can fix the family he broke in 5 easy steps.

Its biggest problem is that it is about a character whose actions you can go and read about. It doesn't deliver on the setup of 12 books of Crowfeather being an absolute git; it's a good story for the version of Crowfeather the new team seems to have created in their heads.

Doesn't stop me from manifesting him getting an infection and having a Sandstorm-tier disrespectful death in the upcoming series, lmao.

[accirax]

initial thoughts on DCAS episode 19

Emily has really been going full villain mode these past couple of episodes, huh? while I'm overall not a huge fan of how many women have been portrayed as rude/unreasonable as compared to their male counterparts, i do love an evil queen. i support women's wrongs.

oh, Gabby. how many people wish that were true. (very cute gabellie content as usual)

i wonder if this is a soft confirmation that we'll never see Gabby or Ellie compete again.

this is so important. also, Hunter, the heart is on Ally's pajamas, not her casual look with the jacket. unless he just drew that there because he loves Ally so much :D

glad that Tom can finally admit that he is a terrible liar. truly, the person Tom and Jake should blame is the hiring manager who hired Tom in the first place.

if you loved him this whole time then why did you lie to him about having another boyfriend, Tom? ,':/ (/lh) (i know that he was explaining in this scene that it's because he was afraid, i'm just saying that the extent of his fears is something that shouldn't be swept under the rug, and that i feel it wasn't properly set up enough in s1 or DCAS as a replacement. yes it was showcased in DCAS but we never got an explanation as to Tom's thought process between seasons that would change his mind to make him more fearful.)

*several people are typing*

we NEED to see jaiden teaching Miriam a tiktok dance.

this is your daily reminder to not take anything that's said in a greeting too seriously.

c'mon, Fiore, a true gen Alpha-er would know that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell without having to look it up. unless, oh god, is that too much of a gen-Z reference for gen Alpha to understand...?

HE'S SUCH A DAD I LOVE THEM

this was probably my favorite line of the episode.

this was a really cute detail! even though they were both the archetypal "old person" of their season, Connor is still, like, 20 years younger than Miriam. it totally make sense that she'd still call him kiddo! just, not grandkiddo.

literally even Ellie is rooting for them to finish this plotline already. or maybe she's just feeling guilty for separating them in the first place, and she's lowkey hoping that the damage wasn't that severe.

that's... that's a crime? you can't just burn people, even if they're terrible??? i guess that, given Riya attempting to kill Aiden and directly breaking Connor's leg further, the definition of what counts as a crime is pretty lax in this universe. unless it's about destroying the environment. thanks, Tom! (/j)

also, why is Yul's scar so damn low res?

MCDONALD'S ELLIE ISN'T CANON??? D:

i wonder if this season is going to end with Grett giving Ellie a job/helping Ellie get a job. i could see fitness influencer and fashion designer working together well, as long as Ellie is okay designing athleticwear.

on one hand, i don't like that we don't get to have the finalists pick the people that they're closest with help them in the finale. this feels rather random, and in terms of real-world fairness, having a finalist get stuck with terrible help isn't very fair (i cite Top Chef season 4 as my example). however, i do appreciate how Disventure Camp always mixes the endgame up. it's not very fair in a real-world perspective, but given that it isn't a real game i appreciate the variety.

i also think that this is a nice fix to really incentivize whoever is helping the finalist after (in-universe) we had two really unpopular finalists, Fiore and James, who struggled to get any help. it feels like a reasonable decision that the in-universe showrunners would make.

don't distract him during the finale, you fool!

the Romber strategy!!! wow, and it's even in the first All Stars season, too :D

THE YUL CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS BACK ON?!?!?!?!

FIORE FINALE CONTENT! FIORE FINALE CONTENT!

ain't no way she's actually winning and of that $100K though, lol.

y'know, this might as well happen.

Riya and Yul really are perfect for each other (platonic) because every time that either of them gets a chance to either repent and be a good person or double down and keep relentlessly chasing their goals, they both always choose the latter. they're gonna get punished in the finale big time for sure... to the extent that Yul hasn't already been punished by getting that scar(?) to the face. like, seriously, that could be even more damage to his career.

once again, i missed the real Hunter so much :,)

while i love the roast here, does Fiore actually have anyone's respect...?

that's a wrap, folks! the most important character arc of the season is over!

[randomnameless]

i’ve sent u anon asks

I agree with Lorenz in Nopes making interesting points about Claut - I mean, Clout’s bonker plans, but bar some “huffs and puffs” the poor lad is completely ignored.

Seeing this, Hopes Lorenz gives up and just goes with it because he’s too smart for the dumb ppl to listen to. :(

I agree, but there is giving up and this...

“They were the cause of this war, since they refused to die when Supreme Leader and her army marched and destroyed their home and politely asked them to!”

Like, no, I had more faith in you Lorenz, but I guess this route is just like mold, it spreads. But I guess Fodlan and victim blaming are like bread and butter, they go so well together so here he goes...

NOW THEN, on to the VW issues!

Yay main dish!

Having anyone else say something about it would mean someone else disagreed with Claude, which was out of character for all GDs except Lorenz (and maybe Lysithea at most. Leonie doesn’t care as long as she can show off her Captain Jeralt skills)

Hilda.

Hilda, would perfectly fit the bill.

Claude wants to open borders and get along with people of different faiths, origins and all? Hilda could spat her racist almyran tirade to him (instead of throwing them to Cyril... who used to be a “servant” of her very own house!) - not knowing Claude is Almyran, of course, but just raising doubts about his dream, mentionning how her family has been fighting “barbarians” for ages and opening up to them would only endanger the people of Fodlan, on top of, idk, spatting on everyone who died up to today to defend the border (i’m trying to think of an argument here lol).

Which, in turn, would made Claude have the big reaction we (I) was waiting for in the game - you cannot want to defend Almyra’s good name by rekting pirates pretending to be Almyrans (in Alois’s paralogue) but turn a blind eye to the weekly wednesday “raids for funsies”.

And I think it would have been a good dichotomy between Claude “sort of” getting along with Hilda on a personal level, they are friends (she dies to protect him, against their own reservations about people dying for others in CF!) - but this person he gets along with would (he’d believe it) turn on him/hate him if he revealed he was from Almyra...

(that could maybe lead to another Rhea/Nabatean parallel, no matter how good they get along with humans, there’s the fear that the second humans know they’re walking shinies to be looted, they might kill them)

I know I’ve mentioned this (Almyra being an apparently shitty place with shitty people) before on my blog at some point because I know I’ve talked about how fucking racist it all is, but… if you go plainly from what we know about Almyra and take out the fact that the writing for it was racist, we do know it’s not the best place ever and even Claude has only really had negative experiences there (including the weekly Sunday assassination attempts against him)

In Nopes -

Even if the localisation kind of eluded it, in his Mercedes support, in the jp version, Cyril explicitely says he was always hungry before being taken in by the evil church lady, let it be in PAlmyra or in Fodlan.

So ignoring the “they raid for fun and then throw big feasts and party like no tomorrow!” borderline traits that are, very... uh, reminiscent of how someone in the 1800s would describe “The Orient”, we know, per Cyril, that there’s no one there to take care of kids, and war orphans are starving.

Also kind of (read: very extremely) gross how Almyra treats Claude as being evil and disgusting for being half blood of another land when that’s literally exactly what Byleth is and Byleth is the white person who is viewed by any and all as amazing, stupendous, wonderful and unironically godly.

In a certain route, Billy’s mixed blood goes “poof” and they become “human” again (even if they never were since their mother was not a human), to the delight of a certain lord!

All jokes aside, that could be tied to the earlier Hilda point and in the general “racism” theme that - despite ending as we know - was depicted in Tellius with the Brandeds, neither Laguz not Beorcs actually like them. Almyra, through Claude’s bg, has, uh, “less than positive” views about Fodlan people thus shit on Claude, but Fodlan (especially Leicester and Goneril) have the same “less than positive” views about Almyran people, thus would shit on Claude if they knew he was Almyran.

And it could have been a bit cliché, but having Claude trying to protect people, stop the war and maybe rekt the mole people, to finally have people discover he’s neither from Fodlan nor Almyra but from both, and accept him, regardless of his origins, but because he is Claude, the person who saved the continent from the mole people and stopped the war led by Supreme Leader.

But... no.

Because that damn Hresvelg Tea needs to be sold!

I will say I think the urgency about the Opera company is valid since they’re immediately in an area of Edelgard’s reach. If they turned against her, she’d have them slaughtered pretty quickly because they’d have no time to escape

Okay, sorry to bring Nopes again, but I think it’s sort of relevant - in the Nopes Mittelfrank paralogue, in the jp speaking/understanding fandom there was a certain shitstorm (@renisfan correct me plz if I’m sprouting nonsense!), because in the jp text, the blurb to pick the paralogue mentions the Opera company is going to comfort the Imperial Army. Given irl history between Japan and people forced to “comfort” imperial soldiers, I’d say this shitstorm was very well deserved - but bar IS (KT) speedrunning Nopes to be the worst game received in the extended franchise, we know through Doro, Manu and Yuri that Mittelfrank Opera artists sometimes engage in sex work with imperial nobles...

So yeah, idk if she was going to slaughter them, take them hostage or have them “comfort” the Imperial army, but given what the Opera Company might have been used for in Nopes, there definitely was a sense of urgency!

Back to the point - maybe we can blame it on FE16′s lack of villages to save or random NPCs - but when Doro and Manu can go in the Enbarr map to the Opera company, there are no special lines or pseudo events or even NPCs to showcase the reality of Gloucester’s occupation and/or the reason why Erwin is siding with the Empire (I’m not asking for a paralogue that is basically Xavier’s recruitment in FE5 lol, who would want that - but in FE5, when Dorias is raving about Xavier being a traitor, there is an old man who tells him that no, Xavier didn’t betray, he’s just siding with the Freege occupation because he wants to protect his soldiers and their families. Why no old man like this for Erwin/Lorenz in FE16, with Lorenz talking to them or something like this?)

But indeed, it was less urgent to protect Gloucester’s random - since they were already under Erwin’s protection and Supreme Leader had no reason to target them (granted, sometimes, she targets people who don’t do anything to her so... and the demonic beasts won’t be created from scratch! Maybe some people in Gloucester were “volunteered” to become new war assets?) - than a bunch of civilians who have no one to protect them...

Yeah, it’s really annoying the way they spin everything to be “well maybe Edelgard is in the right after all” at every possible chance they can

That’s what I also hold against VW - even if it’s a BE recycled route, as sad as it is - we lit have Lysithea, iirc, saying they have to destroy Nemesis and the Shambala loyalists because...

We must obliterate them in the next battle. It's the only recompense for Edelgard's death.

What a joke.

(in jp it’s clearer she means she wants to avenge her death)

Imagine someone says they have to defeath Ashera/Lehran and ends with “It’s to avenge Lekain’s death”. Like, wtf. Seriously. This happens in the explore section before fighting Nemesis, after Rhea’s final infodump about how her people were massacred as things to be looted, but the game, instead of, idk, saying something like “it’s the only thing we can do to settle the wrongs made to Nabateans” reminds you that, uh, Rhea might be a genocide survivor, but Supreme Leader was experimented upon (by the same people she later sides with) and died (tons of sad uwus) and was used by those evil people (and yet she still aided and abaited them with their crazed experiments by foddering her own civilians to be used as guinea pigs, in Remire, and later on, using their demonic beasts as regular members of her army!), so, uh, for 1 step of “Rhea maybe not BaD?” we have to be reminded that, “Supreme Leader GoOd”.

This is essentially an example of Edelgard giving a non-answer.

There’s a reason why I came up with the “Supreme Replies (tm)” concept lol, remember the “no u”?

She often does this with Rhea, in SB when Rhea asks her why she is breaking Fodlan’s peace and attacking them, she gives a Supreme Reply in the lines of if you don’t understand then I can’t do anything for you or something like that. Even if CF, when Rhea is more or less telling her she doesn’t want to kill her because she was really fond of Willy, instead of asking why Rhea is saying this - because in her mind, Nabateans are creatures with no regard for human lives - she goes “don’t presume too much I won’t die today”.

And the devs let her sprout her flat one-liners (maybe thinking they’re very cool) and the discussion always ends here. Dimitri cannot give a meaningful reply to the “no u” and the Zahras chapters... well.

So the moral of the story is basically that Lorenz can be used to act ooc at any time it’s needed and used as the guy we can get mad at (and the dialogue makes a point of saying we should do that), but Edelgard must always stay in character because she is always correct about anything and everything, and if she were ooc then something she says wouldn’t be correct anymore.

Lorenz was a better character than what they gave him to work with in Houses, and in Hopes, when he was given that chance to work with what he really was, they had the characters just ignore him for the sake of fulfilling the Edelgard-is-right centric plot of GW’s second half. Which like… really fucking sucks that half of Claude’s route is literally just a second route of Edelgard-is-right-centric.

Hahaha, that’s basically my issue with the entire (minus the non recruitable characters) cast of FE16/Nopes, and why I warmed up to the BL after AG - everyone’s characterisation must be blown away at one point to give a small “Rhea/Church BaD” jab while, at the same time, be able to praise Supreme Leader (and even join her).

We can’t know what the fuck is happening in Gloucester or with Lorenz’s random people, because it’s a territory under imperial supervision and if it’s bad it will reflect poorly on Supreme Leader. SS is supposed to be her most critical route (it’s here we have the Ferdie’n’Lys paralogue, revealing that while Ludwig might be a douchebag, Supreme Leader is letting “Uncle Arry” run Hrym dry, in Ludwig’s supposed name while the guy is under house arrest).

Lorenz could have been so much, and I think he can be interesting in fanfics that explore his character more than IS/KT who ended up with making him a Supreme Leader mouthpiece or “the guy who has to disagree because the plot commends him to”.

It's still wild to me that people will go to bat for the nothing characters that are Randolph and Fleche as proof of Dimitri being bad; we know next to nothing about them, they have miniscule screentime, what little we do know of Randolph paints him as human scum who'd do horrific things if it meant a chance at a promotion, and Fleche illogically only ever holds a grudge against someone for killing her brother if that someone is AM!Dimitri, with her completely vanishing from the game in every other route.

Eh,

I'd say they play the same purpose than this random child in TS in Roland's story - at this point, both lords want vengeance, and they have to face someone who also wants (misdirected!) vengeance at them, smth smthg like war sucks because people die.

But it's completely wasted in FE16, because, as you said, Randy isn't a random or a civilian or a war orphan, he is a general leading an attack on refugees/civilians/randoms to gain more fame, and dies in the process.

Now, can we say Flèche's anger and death are ultimately directed at Randolph, who died for nothing and took his sister down with him in his quest for "muhrit" ? Or are we supposed to think that this scene is important because Dimitri, the Blue Lord, isn't supposed to fall as low as the Imperial Army - something he comes close to (apparently?) ?

And yet again, it completely fails.

Because for one Randolph - who also had a family and loved ones - we have 50 Waldos and Baldis, whose lives aren't given any fuck about.

We don't see a war prisoner, or an Adrestian civilian accusing Supreme Leader of having sent her/his wife/husband/daughter/son to death with a conquest they never asked and trying to off her.

Only Dimitri receives this backlash from - invaders who wanted to invade and suddenly remember they have loved ones so are very sad when their loved ones dies - Flèche, but not Claude nor Billy, as you rightfully pointed out.

And Supreme Leader never receives any backlash - or wake up call - from a real third party/civilian/casualty who could have done the exact same thing.

Emile mentions how, during her attack, the Holy Grounds near Garreg Mach were turned in a slaughterhouse, why don't we have any civilian who survived from that try to take a jab at Supreme Leader? Waldi's best friend? Baldo's mother? A war captive from Leicester/Faerghus or a conscripted Adrestian?

I laughed about it with friends earlier, and again with the teatime paralogue, but it truly feels as if only 1/3rd (since the church doesn't count) of the cast will face consequences for the war and suffers backlash from the constant fighting (they didn't even start!).

Whenever you have to deal with serious stuff in Fodlan, it'll be for the BL members.

The rest? Will sip tea, talk nonsense, try to solve "mysteries" and live as if nothing is happening in the background.

Just imagine how both deer routes could have been much more impactful and interesting - instead of being a recycled Billy route with a different infodump at the end - if Raphael's sister popped up to a War Council, asking Claude to stop coddling the Empire because their lands were invaded, her grandfather put to Aymr and her inn destroyed by the Imperial Army, or how Ignatz's older brother discovers how Adrestia is burning pieces of art and history and every material related to Leicester and Faerghus history because they want to push an "Adrestia Eternal" narrative. Heck, Claude could even discover more "lore" by picking a Leif route, sort of rescuing the people "handpicked" to become new Baldos and Waldis, discovering the secret of the artificial crest stones and maybe having an infiltration map where, lo, instead of receiving an info dump, they maybe witness Rhea being turned in a relic or used to "produce" artificial crest stones.

War BaD, but only when we can make the BL suffer for it, for the rest, it's just a bgm.

And even then, it can't be too critical of Supreme Leader, because she was made to sell alts in FE heroes or dubious Cipher Cards.

"Supreme Leader", "cute girls" and "I want to see how Faerghus and its knights will deal with the aftermath of the Tragedy while defending against the invading forces".

Tl; dr : Flèche and Randolph are named, which is a cheap way to make people care for them despite their role in the plot, but the demonic beasts and the civilians dying aren't mentionned nor talked about.

Hell, why do you think I gave names to the artificial demonic beasts? The game doesn't want you to think too much about them, but if I talk about Baldo and Waldi, maybe the fandom will?

[year2000electronics]

Is 1 your favorite of the danganronpas? my personal favorite is 2 but I'm always interested to hear about other people's fav parts of all three main games

YES. IT IS. and the thing about that is that i got into dr around abooout... 2015 i wanna say? so like. 7th grade. little too young to get into an m rated game, granted, but you cant snitch on me because that version of myself doesnt exist anymore so ha ha. anyways

(full answer under cut. things got long again!)

i discovered dr1 because i used to find all my music through looking at MEPs (multi editor projects) and realized a lot of cool ones were labelled with this thing called "danganronpa" and the clips i saw in them just like. gripped me. there was something about them i couldnt look away from.

it was the executions, specifically celeste's, that i just couldn't stop rewinding to. this imagery of this very thick, stylized, almost paper-craft style of this MASSIVE stage literally unfolding to life around this person. it was SPECTACLE. something designed JUST FOR YOU. a DEATH TRAP designed just for you. that always stuck with me. and so, y'know, i decided to check it out, and obviously i start with dr1.

the ENG translation was out at this time but the LP i watched used the fan translation patch so i learned all their names japanese-style lol. but anyways. i fell in LOVE. hard. now, obviously the series has its problems, id argue its more famous for its problems these days than its achievements, but i think the general aesthetic and concept of DR still really grip me. to this day. the almost surreal, dreamlike environment of the school- neon-lit halls, days that start to bleed together, what is clearly a massive area devoid of any life, with rooms you've never seen before in a school, your classmates in the halls in that charming paper-2d style... it all lended itself to the murder mystery parts very well. the dreamlike parts extending to the executions, which were so... THEY WERE SO. i wouldn't call them RIDICULOUS. or IMPOSSIBLE. but they were OSTENTATIOUS. yet dark. and that really stuck with me, y'know? this emotional whiplash of dragging a confession out of someone, wanting to make them pay for what they did to your classmate, but at the same time, hearing them cry their hearts out, because their hand was forced, and then, having to see them die in the most undignified way- all as one big performance, one big joke with them as the grisly punchline.

and the characters only added to that for me. i was intrigued by kyoko's secrets, felt bad for sayaka and leon, and oh god don't even get me STARTED on taka and mondo. not knowing anything about dr, my jaw DROPPED when ch 3 started and taka just... didn't bounce back. i wasn't expecting it at all. and i watched, hungry for information, for the truth, as the illusion of normalcy slowly fell apart for the group- but so too did the killing game as the group slowly breaks the formula apart until monokuma's forced to dump an old corpse back into play to get makoto and kyoko out of his way. and then the reveal that THEY *WERE* ALL FRIENDS ALL ALONG, AND THESE STRANGERS HAD BEEN KILLING THEIR BEST FRIENDS THE ENTIRE TIME... THE APOCALYPSE REVEAL, THE FACT THAT THE CLASS TEARING EACH OTHER APART IS THEM DIRECTLY DISMANTLING THE LAST HOPE SOCIETY HAD, SEALING THE ULTIMATES IN THERE... ooooh. OOOH. the allure may be long gone, as this is now common knowledge, but in that moment, i FELT it. i felt like my entire world had been turned upside down with that knowledge.

and i came out of that like "WOW, THAT WAS REALLY COOL!! DANGANRONPA FANDOM WHAT DO YOU THINK?!" and the danganronpa fandom was like "its 2015, everyone is talking about sdr2 now." and i was like "oh." and i lowkey started getting a little resentful of dr2 for taking up all of dr1's attention. my little childbrain decided right then and there it was Overrated. and this kinda uninterested-ness i haven't really managed to shake off, ngl, even though i know it's specifically cos of those childhood feelings of mine.

i do enjoy sdr2 quite a lot these days! i think it has fun mysteries, the cast is nice, hajime is probably an upgrade from makoto NGL, but, like, nostalgia bias gets in the way. y'know? for my own emotions haha. BUT. i will say. i think it's smart the team didn't go with a confined space twice in a row, but the fact that the game is out on a big big island, even if it's deserted, that kinda did take away from one of my favourite aspects of the game- the claustrophobia. and there's also a lot of other aspects i LOVED about dr1 that kinda couldn't be recreated with sdr2, and i'm alright with that. i don't think it really makes dr1 the "superior" game. i think sdr2's clearly shown it's more beloved for a reason just based off public perception. but it's a matter of personal preference for me!

also the 2010-era grunginess of dr1 charms me more

so i guess, tl:dr childhood nostalgia bias, environment/aesthetic choices that couldn't carry over to the next game because it would be stale, and Him.

[quinngefail]

Happy New Years Eve 🩷

As a final ask to the year, I wanted to ask what inspired your art style...? (If you haven't already answered that <3)

I adore you and I look up to you 🎀

~🩰

AAAA Well first off thank youu 😊 !!

And okay. This one always has to be mentioned first, being the biggest inspiration and all- but uh Invader Zim was a huge one for me, up until I watched it my style was very much this 'I'M 9 AND MY ART STYLE HAS TO BE ANIME BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S ON FLIPNOTE HATENA :PP' lmao. But then when I got horribly, horribly fixated on IZ throughout all of middle school, it was like the fucking timeline split 😩 Coz then I started experimenting with that very Shaped look, and going outside of what I'd been drawing up until then. And I mean there's a reason why I still use the oval shape for eyes to this very day :}

Also just absolutely in love with the very Shaped era of western cartoons in general. That 90s-2000s timeframe with things like PPG, Dexter's Lab, MLAATR, IZ of course, etc etc, just. Omfg I love the look so much

Psychonauts was also an inspiration, I got into that series in 2016 or 17- and like I fucking adore how wild they get with the character designs. I don't really have that specific desire for my own style, but it was also something that encouraged me to get more experimental :) Really just dig the whole Intentionally Wonky™️ look in art in general, and Psychonauts absolutely has no shortage of that anywhere LMAO

Then this is more of a minor inspiration. But I do feel like The Iron Giant also influenced my style in little areas here and there, I got turbo fixated on that movie in 2018 or so and it's easily my favorite animated movie. And like I WISH I could send it back in time to my younger self, I can't believe it took me so long to finally see it. I WOULD HAVE FUCKIN LOVED IT AS A KID 😭 but that's okay. I can just love it now :)

Lastly, Rareware's more cartoony N64 games have absolutely influenced my style lmao, shoutout to Banjo-Kazooie specifically. And while it's a less cartoony entry of theirs, I'm about 99% sure that Jet Force Gemini just straight up shaped my brain chemistry in some way so like 😩😩😩 there's no way that game in particular wasn't going to at least be a subconscious inspiration for me..... I grew up with an N64 (that I still have and play!!) and I remember playing it as far back as age six, and there are just too many games on it that I'll forever and always be in love with Jet Force Gemini; and like IN GENERAL THERE'S JUST NO WORLD WHERE THAT ERA OF GAMING WASN'T GOING TO INFLUENCE MY ART STYLE, Y'KNOW..... Which like Hey that certainly makes sense, I love very defined shapes and SHAPES ARE INDEED A VERY DEFINING FEATURE OF EARLY 3D GRAPHICS, SO ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ !!

But uh I think that's about everything, lol. Thank you for the ask and letting me yap, I hope you have a fun and safe New Years :)

AND THIS GOES FOR ALL OF YOU AS WELL ☝️😤 Be responsibly fun today ☝️😤 be safely stupid ☝️😤 and of course, have a great end to this year 🫶😊💙

[ersatz-ostrich]

Wolffe x f!Model!Reader: Thank You

[A/N]: Another chapter taken from a book of oneshots I used to have on Quotev and Tumblr - I think I deleted it two years ago? Whew, time flies. So yeah, this is an old work. If you read my Captain Rex oneshot Droid-Crusher, I wrote this oneshot not long after. I think I wrote this oneshot nearly four years ago, which is crazy, because I feel like my writing has changed a lot since then. I'm really posting this for old time's sake, with a few edits so I don't lose my mind (lol!). This goes out to all you Wolffe girlies (gn) (I'm one of them). Hope you guys like it!

Summary: You are a talented supermodel quickly climbing the ranks of Coruscant's fashion industry—but your life wasn't always the runway or the studio. With your newfound influence, you found a charity to benefit the GAR and its relief efforts. One thing leads to another, and you end up meeting a man you'd never expected to see again...

Warnings: None

read it here on ao3!

"Hey, Boost! Check this out." Sinker beckoned for Boost, who was cleaning out the barrel of his rifle, to glance over at his holopad.

"A fundraiser for the GAR?" Boost muttered, skimming through the article's contents. "I wonder who could be backing this." 

"The Republic doesn't have an endless source of money, y'know." Sinker mused. "But a lot of rich senators and whatnot want to donate to the cause." The two troopers continued reading through the holonet article. 

"Oh, so a supermodel wants to donate to the Grand Army? Not something you see every day." Boost remarked. 

"Y/N L/N, too! Coruscant's top model!" Sinker exclaimed. “She went viral a few months ago and immediately signed to one of the biggest modeling firms on the planet. There’s a huge market for high fashion models in all the super-rich Core Worlds, so she must be raking in loads of credits.”

“How do you know that, Sinker?” Boost asked with narrowed eyes. “Have you been spending your downtime studying the Coruscanti fashion industry?”

“N-no! When I’m bored and we’re in hyperspace, I like to read those trashy celebrity magazines on the Holonet. Y/N’s a sensation, I hear.”

"For what reason would she want to start a fundraiser?" Boost mused. Wolffe, who was examining a map on the other side of the wardroom table, nearly spit out his caf when one of Y/N's photos turned up on Sinker's holopad. He recognized the determined, fiery look in her eyes all too well.

The scent of burning flesh and smoking debris filled the air over Y/N's home planet. Sirens wailed, but the anguished citizens wailed louder. Nothing could possibly be worse for the war-torn planet—but to Commander Wolffe and the 104th, it was another day conducting search-and-rescues and relief missions.

Wolffe clambered over fallen debris, signaling for the Wolfpack to disperse in search of survivors in the burning city. The Separatists had spared no one from their wrath—the entire capital had been torched. 

A loud creaking sound grated at Wolffe's ears, alerting him of a failing structure. Just in time, he saw the already-scorched building sagging under the weight of decimated masonry and scaffolding, a woman trying to climb down the tall structure. She had reached the crumbling and listing balcony with a makeshift rope made out of bedding when more wreckage rained from above, trapping her against the harsh, exposed concrete of the balcony floor. Wolffe looked up and met the (E/C) eyes of the woman, whose gaze burned with unprecedented determination and willpower. Arm outstretched to the clone commander, she made one last attempt to free herself of the wreckage. Wolffe, having done this a million times before, ignited his jetpack and rushed to her side. 

Yes, she was beautiful—she was absolutely dazzling. However, something was different this time around. It was her will to live, Wolffe thought, that struck him as odd. Each and every other survivor he had seen before appeared to either have had the Living Force leached right out of them, eyes empty and dim—or were gripped with intense fear and shock. Wolffe finally heaved off the last few planks of wood off of the woman's ash-covered form, returning her safely to the ground. Finally stumbling onto solid ground, the woman gripped his gloved hands tightly and securely, staring straight into his darkened visor. 

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

During the days following up to the fundraiser, Wolffe found it difficult to get your likeness off of his mind. It seemed as if every daily briefing that pinged onto his datapad contained a picture of you, striding confidently down a catwalk with the same look in your eyes while you stared straight at the camera with an air of professionalism and talent. Your metamorphosis stunned Wolffe—he'd never learned the name of the woman he had saved from the burning wreckage the year before, but there was no doubt that she was the model he saw so often in the fashion and beauty advertisements flashing across Coruscant's biggest billboards that he'd never bothered to look at. Your likeness haunted him day and night, yet it was what pushed him to work harder to support the 104th and General Plo Koon. 

On the day that you arrived at the base, you were met by the many squadrons and battalions that were reporting on Coruscant. Cameras flashed from all angles, some from the many gossip columns on the Holonet, others from more prominent planetary news sources. You greeted them with a smile that had taken you weeks to perfect, and the clones stood at attention without fail. Jedi Generals Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Yoda, and Plo Koon welcomed you courteously.

"Y/N L/N. To the military base, we welcome you." Yoda began with a bow. 

"No need to bow to me, Master. I am forever grateful for the opportunity to raise money for the Republic." You replied with a bow of your own. "If anything, I should be bowing to you."

"Is that really her?" Sinker hissed under his breath as he stood at attention with the rest of the 104th. "She's prettier than she looks in the photos." You were dressed casually, but you could have worn a garbage bag and still exuded the effortlessly elegant look of an off-duty model.

"Shut up, Sinker. She'll notice you!" Comet whispered back, subtly elbowing Sinker. Wolffe tried not to pay attention to the clone sergeant's shenanigans, eyes fixed on Y/N.

"Why don't we discuss the details and potential benefactors inside? I have a few ideas." General Kenobi offered, leading you inside. "At ease, troopers." The battalions, in neat rows by rank and seniority, dispersed and returned to their tasks. You were led through a hangar, where you admired LAATs with an appreciative eye, through busy corridors, and finally, to a meeting room of sorts where some holographic images glowed blue over a conference table. 

"After you, Miss L/N." General Koon began, making way for you to stand at the head of the table. "We have much to discuss." Thanking the Jedi Master, you immediately began examining the holos. 

"Senator Amidala of Naboo has expressed interest in your project," General Skywalker began from the other side of the table. "She wants to know more about the high-caliber photo-ops and how you will run your campaign."

"Is that so?" You replied, remaining deep in thought. "I have also received word that Senators Mon Mothma and Aang are also willing to contribute, along with various comically shallow and snooty socialites who have money to support the cause." You joked, noticing General Skywalker suppressing laughter.

"Strengthen public relations, we must." Yoda suggested. "With this program, discrimination of clones, we should stop." You nodded in agreement. 

"That's why I'm here, Master Yoda. This is exactly what I came here to do." You pulled up a holo of some names and locations. "I've been talking this over with my agency and manager. They're willing to let me see this project through, so I've scheduled some times and dates for things like charity events and relief missions."

"Oh, so you want to conduct relief missions as well?" General Kenobi inquired. You nodded in confirmation.

"That's right. I...have a history with mercy missions." You answered with an uncomfortable pause. "In my opinion, they’re just as important as military campaigns, and I hope the general public believes so as well." 

"Very well, Miss L/N. Thankful for your support, we are." Master Yoda and the other Jedi nodded, seeming to have come to a consensus on the campaign's goals. One by one they left, leaving you to admire and explore the base. You started with the hangar, where you found Y-wings, Aethersprites, and Torrent starfighters being serviced. Several clones began whispering amongst themselves upon your entrance while others waved enthusiastically. 

"Miss L/N! What brings you to the hangar today?" A pilot whose helmet was decorated with blue-gray curlicues appeared in front of you, saluting. 

"I'm just having a look around. I'll be spending a lot of time on base during these next few months." You replied with a gracious smile. Just entering the hangar with the rest of the Wolfpack, Wolffe noticed how friendly but professional you were off of the runway and out of earshot of the nosy Coruscanti press. 

"Warthog, how are we doin' on that fighter—!" Wolffe stopped dead in his tracks. It was you. He noticed the change in demeanor that suddenly overcame you upon noticing him. "You..."

The project was blessed with massive success from the start—many civilians began to show their support for the Republic and the clones that gave their lives to defend it. You assisted mission after mission, working not just as the GAR’s covergirl but as the grunt lugging crates, helping the clones with menial but necessary tasks. 

While your fame grew as a charitable influencer and supermodel, you began to spend more time with Wolffe. It was certainly a simple pleasure to sit shoulder to shoulder with the clone troopers of the Wolfpack not as their boss, but as their equal—even more so that you were able to stay by their jaded commander who'd coincidentally saved your life not so long ago��and captured your heart in the process.

The 104th and company milled about the camps, ushering on gonk droids and heaving crates of bacta and provisions everywhere. Watching on from the top of a grassy hill, Y/N and Wolffe took a break from the constant heavy lifting of supplies from supply ships to the war refugees they had come to aid. As a part of Y/N's campaign to promote and benefit the GAR's relief efforts, she would be attending every mercy mission they would be conducting for the next few months as the campaign continued. There were cam droids everywhere to document the effort, broadcasting your likeness as you worked with the clones and Jedi wherever you were called.

The people wanted someone real and candid, not just another out-of-touch celebrity. You hypothesized that your approach to your campaign had made you popular in the media because of how real it felt. 

The hovercams were on you nearly every waking hour of the day. Sometimes you spoke with them, like the popular vloggers on the Holonet. But this time, you were taking a break from all the attention.

"The view is pretty from up here." You began. The breeze tousled your hair, and the sky on this particular planet was especially beautiful at dusk. 

"Yeah, except for all of the soot and debris." Wolffe replied, kicking a stray droid arm down the hill. You stole a look at his pensive face, admiring the scar over his cybernetic eye as a long, stretched-out silence overcame the two of you. "You knew, didn't you? About the fires, and the balcony." Wolffe blurted out. Seeing your expression of surprise, he realized the gravity of what he had said. To his surprise, your eyes softened, reminiscing back to the moment that had changed your life. 

"Yes, I remember." You revealed your left wrist to him. A thick, flesh-colored scar ran along the side of your hand. "I got cut pretty badly by a piece of glass that night." Passing his gloved thumb over the scar, Wolffe pressed a kiss to your hand, lips brushing against the long scar. 

"The first time I met you." Wolffe whispered with a small smile. "How could I have forgotten?" You tried to hide your blush and the tingling sensation of Wolffe's lips against your skin, but your expression betrayed you. 

"Wolffe, I..." The feeling of his arms carrying you to safety, strong and reliable, had been seared into your memory. You'd entertained the thought of meeting your hero and savior again one day, even after the Rodian talent scout had found you working as an underpaid waitress on Coruscant—it was because of Wolffe that you were able to become who you are. He was the one who gave you a second chance at life. "...had you not been there, I would have burned in that apartment on some godforsaken planet with no escape."

"Y/N, I'll stay by your side forever if I have to…." Wolffe cupped your face in his gloved hands, drinking in the features that had been preserved so well in his mind. “...only if you would have me.” 

“Of course, Commander…” You leaned in for a deep, long kiss, no longer wanting to run from all of the pent-up weeks of pining that threatened to destroy all of your self control.

"Thank you," you murmured. "Thank you."

What a trip down memory lane! Believe it or not, there are a lot more oneshots I deleted that I have yet to republish. I can't believe I had the foresight to save them - I guess I didn't have the heart to delete over a year's worth of writing. Until next time! x

Let me know if you want to be part of my general or Star Wars taglist!

[the-music-maniac]

I'm relatively new to ORV, I got into it a while back and then ran out of time to continue (the novel is long AF lol) but as I'm getting back into it, I've realized that ORV is one of the most main character centric fandoms I have ever encountered before.

And tbh I think that's why I've been having so many issues getting invested in ORV fanworks. Specifically shipping ones. It's super rare for me because usually I love reading fanfics.

Before I start talking about my thoughts I just wanna make a disclaimer that I'm not trying to attack anyone. You should interact with media and create stuff however you wish to! Lord knows that I'm not exactly unbiased about my blorbos (I would die for them and you can tell from my posts) but I just kinda wanna talk about this because it's such a unique experience. Never before have I encountered a fandom that is so centered on one character.

Like I hope y'all know what I'm talking about and that I'm not just talking out of my ass. Everything in the ORV fandom is super Kim Dokja centric. On one hand, I really do get it, he's a great character. He's not my favourite character but he's a lil rat bastard and I think he's so fucking neat. And how centred the storyline and moreover the people in the story are on Kim Dokja is to a certain extent, canon. He's their leader and also the person keeping them safe. He's the one who reached out in their darkest moments and pulled them to the light. And he's a traumatized little bitch. Oof. A certain amount of hero worship and protectiveness is valid.

What I can't really wrap my head around though, is the lack of development between other members of the group in a lot of fanworks. This is specifically fandom interpretations of the characters btw, I haven't finished the story fully, so I can't speak on how they are canonically but I have seen people's stories and thoughts. And this isn't always the case of course, I have read fics before where our protagonists all appear to have relations with each other outside of their care for Dokja but it... wasn't as much as I was expecting. Which is weird to me because ORV is super good at writing like. Well written and thought out characters that would be super fun to play with in writing. In developing connections and care for each other - creating a found family. At the beginning they're all tied in by the need for survival and circumstance, they don't even necessarily like each other, and so of course they all gravitate to Dokja, that's to be expected, that's who they're familiar with. But eventually I expect they would learn to care about each other too, y'know? It's difficult to not get to know each other when you're living together daily, fighting alongside each other to survive. I don't believe that they wouldn't develop care for the other members of the group, and people who care about each other don't tend to genuinely threaten each other anytime Dokja gets hurt, especially when it's not anyone's fault - like usually it's in response to one of them "not doing enough to protect him" which makes no sense to me. You don't guilt trip people you care about for things outside their control. Moreover, Dokja is his own person - he will do what he will do and you can try and prevent it because you care about him, sure, but it's also unreasonable for others to expect anyone to be his keeper enough that they get angry when Dokja gets hurt due to his own actions or to situations outside of their control. People in general also don't have their entire character and world centered on loving one person. There are fics I've read where all the characters don't even seem to have any hobbies outside of spending time with Dokja, and I say this because they all literally fight, tooth and nail, over Dokja's time. It feels out of character to me. And yet this characterization is also so common???

I don't usually mind fics that so clearly have a bias towards one character because it's valid to write what you wanna see, but I think it's how saturated the fandom is with those types of works that makes me feel weird. It makes me stop seeing all the characters as individuals in their own right. Having no wants or needs or hobbies outside of Dokja makes it seem like they're just accessories to the story of Dokja's life. The story itself becomes less compelling to me, because it becomes less of a narrative of how Dokja has helped these people and their responses, and more of a world that bends over backwards to worship this one character, using all the other characters as tools to do so. Because if this is meant to convey gratitude and love, its illogical to how it usually works. Specifically in that, you don't lose your own identity or your connections to other people because of it. And I find it hard to interact with this level of saturation of those tropes because at a certain point, I start losing sight of the canonical writing of these individual characters as their own people. I start losing the idea I have in my mind of their canonical personalities. And I don't like that feeling. And because Dokja also isn't my favourite character in this story - I still like him, don't get me wrong - I start feeling indignant on the behalf of all the other characters that are not getting development BC of the concentration on Dokja.

I also don't like it when the banter goes away. Like you can care about people and still enjoy messing with them, I'm not sure why caring about dokja translates to hero worship??? I annoy my friends all the time, and they do it back. It's fun. Like that thing the group does where they can't see Dokja's face and just unanimously decide to tell him he looks bad when he asks about it? That's peak friendship. Peak messing with your sibling energy. As far as I've seen Dokja isn't self conscious about that either (then again I haven't read the entire story yet), so like. What gives? It's canonical that they mess with Dokja - but a lot of fics just get rid of that element.

I also find it especially hard when it comes to shipping, specifically Joonghyuk and Dokja. The reason why I love Joonghyuk and Dokja's dynamic so much in the first place is because they view each other as equals. It would be very easy to place either Joonghyuk or Dokja onto a pedestal - but they don't do that to each other. They know each other pretty damn well and they care about each other even though they're so in denial about it. And you know that thing they do where they act like the other is the worst person in existence and then negates it all by repeatedly devoting themselves to saving them? That's my shit. That whole "you're so fucking annoying but if you died I would kill everything in this room and then myself." The whole "what was that?" "Affection." "Disgusting. Do it again." THAT SHIT. I love that about them. And like the platonic relationships, a lot of shipping works get rid of that type of banter when they shift to a romantic relationship. Like yeah, sweet talk and honesty is important. You should let your partner know you love them. But that's not gonna be all there is. I don't see a need to get rid of the banter because as the story goes on, it's clear that even in canon, eventually the harsh words they say to each other stop being genuine because their actions negate the words. They don't mean them in the first place, so why would that banter change once their care shifts from a platonic to a romantic one? And I could perhaps be okay with that shift from banter to sweet talk if it was MUTUAL, but too often I see a situation where Dokja continues to insult Joonghyuk but he doesn't return it in kind. Joonghyuk is very blunt about his love for Dokja - which is good - but Dokja doesn't do the same back, and for some reason that's fine, and then Joonghyuk also no longer has those very human moments of annoyance when Dokja does some stupid shit. Like I guess I could understand the characterization of Dokja being emotionally constipated cause he's kind of a traumatized control freak and I can see how getting him to talk about his feelings is like trying to get a cat into a bathtub, but it's not like Joonghyuk isn't also like that? It's not really as much of a compelling relationship if one person is telling the other everything, giving care in words of affection and the other person isn't returning it. And you could depict that returned care in other ways, absolutely, but again I don't see it in other ways either, because those stories are still so Dokja centric.

Another factor is that I find that I can't really like a ship in a work where one of the characters is elevated to a point where they can't do anything wrong. Where their own needs are always at the forefront and their partner is always catering to it. Like a relationship is a give and take. We focus a lot on Dokja's trauma - which I love, that man needs sO MUCH THERAPY and it's an interesting topic to explore - but we don't focus on the amount of shit Joonghyuk has had to go through. I very rarely see a shipping fic where Dokja tries to address Joonghyuk's trauma or his hurt. Physical hurt sure, maybe, but that other shit that Joonghyuk bottles up?? Never talked about. My man has had to keep living lives over and over again. Has had to see people he love die, make hard choices. There is no way he's not traumatized to shit, and I'd like that to be a focus some of the time, y'know? Moreover, of all people, Dokja would be the one to understand him the most? One, he's the only one who really knows the whole truth about Joonghyuk, or as much of it as you can, and two, they both have taken on very burdensome leadership roles in a situation where few would be able to understand their position - it makes sense for them to lean on each other mutually, and so far there's a very prominent skew, only an exploration on one side.

And I pretty much haven't seen a shipping fic with Dokja and Joonghyuk where Joonghyuk has recieved any form of platonic comfort from the other characters. I've seen plenty for Dokja. Where he gets comforted/helped by both Joonghyuk and all the other characters. But not for Joonghyuk. If y'all have any recs where Joonghyuk has that, PLEASE recommend it because I need. And sure, it can be argued that Joonghyuk is a hard man to know considering his prickliness but regardless, he DOES have canonical platonic relationships. People who care for him. Who would be protective over him if he were to get hurt. That is not something only Dokja has, and yet it's something I only ever see written for Dokja. Y'all need to remember that technically Dokja doesn't act like any less of an asshole sometimes than Joonghyuk. He's more outwardly approachable sure, but he's not necessarily sweet 100% of the time - he has grit and he's a rat bastard and that's my FAVOURITE FUCKING PART ABOUT HIM. The fact that he's a rat bastard and the fact that not everyone likes him. His interactions in a world where he does have to make hard choices or say things that put people at odds, or hurts others when he didn't mean to. I love that about Joonghyuk too. They suck and they both have so much capacity to be kind despite all the shit they've gone through, but they're not able to see that in themselves and they do bad things because they have to, and I think they're so fascinating.

Y'know out of all of this, I think what cracks me up is, knowing Dokja's character, he would be absolutely appalled at how centred all of it is on him only. Like. Like that's literally the opposite of what he wants 🤣🤣. Like I get that makes people want to do it more because he deserves it and whatnot which is valid but like. He would be quite disgruntled 🤣🤣🤣

[artpharos]

sometimes i think about the 20+ fics i orphaned a couple of years ago

it sounds silly now but. whenever i asked my ex-best friend what she liked about me, she always said that she loved my fics and art. so when we had that huge falling out, and me being deep in depression (mostly due to that friendship, but that's another story), i wasn't able to think of myself as someone who had needs and wants of my own that needed to be addressed. i guess i kinda fell into a 'if i can't make other people happy, what use am i' kinda thing and i thought that even if she hated me and never wanted to see me again, maybe she could still draw comfort from the fics i wrote for the ship we shared if i removed myself from the equation. obviously looking back now... LOL... i doubt she really could given everything but i guess i hoped she'd still find some part of me she could still love, y'know? not that she'd ever tell me

tbh tho... i don't really regret orphaning those fics. i mean, in the end, life went on (literally!) and i've written better fics, ones that are more true to me and my ideas. and i still can find those fics on my own and god, now that i'm in a better place, i can acknowledge that i still love what i wrote, and i hope people who come across those fics still find joy in them (even if it's not my ex-best friend). some of them even contain so much of the feelings i was going through, i can't help but feel like they're still very much a part of my history that i don't want to forget.

there is one fic of mine that has been kind of a carry-on from those days. The Fluffy Fairy Eggcident was first started back when I was so full of doubt of my own abilities and my own voice... and I guess since I'm writing the final chapter for it now, you could see how that changed over time, how i put more of ME into it rather than trying to write what I thought an audience would like. i think, solely for me, this fic has been so important to me because of that.

i also sometimes think about that one fic that had my ex-best friend listed as the co-author (though she didn't write a word of it, but did come up with the inspiration of it). since i orphaned everything, it has her listed as the author for it and idk if she hasn't realized that or maybe she just wants to keep that as something for her. sometimes i think, the person i am now-- i'd rather she orphaned that fic too, but i also want to honour the person i was then, who loved her and would have wanted her to have something good to hold on to from our friendship. regardless, it's not my decision anymore and i guess i hope that as long as someone out there finds joy in that fic, that's all that matters.

i guess the reason why i'm writing this is that it does feel like if i don't acknowledge what i did and why i did it, it does feel like i'm kinda ignoring the person i was before? and i don't wanna do that. i don't wanna forget the me that was in pain so loudly and yet not at all. and i guess i wish i could reach back into the past and hug myself and tell the person i was two years ago that it all gets better and what we wrote was all meaningful and worth it.

[death-to-posers]

Hi! Whatsup! Could you write a Necrobutcher (mayhem ofc) x fem reader ,where necro gets jealous (maybe over a guy talking with reader idk) like, make necro idk, possessive but in a cool way. Idk

You can make it smut,fluff, anything lol, (not angst)

Thx

I was hoping someone would request Necro, he's so underappreciated I adore that man.

(I also apologise for how long it's taken me to answer these, and I'm so sorry to the first anon who asked for Serj Tankian x reader, I never did get 'round to writing that. I've had a lot going on and this is the first time I've been on my Tumblr in months, I'll try write that at some point in the future)

This will be a friends to lovers, I hope that's alright with you, if not, give me a shout and I'll edit it so that Necro and reader are already in a relationship. This is also written in third person (most of my fics will be, I prefer third person)

Also this is meant to be REAL Necro, not Lords of Chaos. (I fucking hate that movie)

Pairing: Necrobutcher (Mayhem) x fem!Reader

(This is set pre Pelle's death)

Plot: (Friends to lovers) Reader goes to a nearby convenience store to get some cigs and unexpectedly bumps into Necro. The cashier gets a little too friendly with reader...

She sits up in her bed, reaching into her bedside cabinet drawer for a pack of cigarettes. She sighs, realising she's all out. Oh well, the convenience store is a two minute walk away. She gets up groggily, pulling on a pair of boots and walking out the front door.

The door of the store swings open and she steps inside, noticing a familiar face in the corner, by the alcohol aisle. "Jørn?". He looks up, grinning once he recognises her. "What are you doing here at this hour Y/N?". He walks up to her and gives her a slightly awkward side hug. He's wearing the same torn jeans and leather jacket he always wears. "I needed some cigs," she replies, returning the hug. He nods, "Of course you did. I'm here for some whiskey and coke, Euro's been drinking it all, but what's new?". He gives her a wink and returns to the drinks aisle. She walks up to the counter, grabbing a pack of cigs. "Just these, thanks". The cashier looks her up and down, leering. "I could give these to you for free y'know, sweetheart?". He gives her a suggestive look. She cringes. "Oh, um, no thanks. I can pay-", she's cut off, Jørn rests a hand on her shoulder. "I'll knock your fucking teeth out you son of a whore," he stares at the cashier coldly. The cashier scoffs, snatching the money from Y/N's hand. She grabs her cigarettes and walks out of the store, Jørn close at her heels. Once out of the store, he wraps an arm around her waist, glaring ahead aimlessly. She raises an eyebrow. "Chill, it's just a man being.. A man," his apparent anger confuses her somewhat. He hisses, pulling her closer. "No one - no one - is allowed to look at you like that, except me". He presses his lips to hers, kissing her roughly. Her eyes widen, it takes her a second to realise what's happening. She's apparently not against it though, returning the kiss eventually. He pulls back, looking calmer, and slightly apologetic. "Was that okay? I should've asked first-", now it's her turn to cut him off, pulling him into another kiss. He wraps his arms around her waist, smiling into the kiss.

This was really short, I'm sorry, lmk if you'd like a part two! (If yes, I'll try do some smut in the next part).

I hope this wasn't too awful, I didn't really proofread it. You'd think someone who's been writing for over three years would be a little better at it.

[chororine]

CUBERT, DWIGHT AND THE KROKER KIDS RAN AN ELABORATE SCAM WE'RE SO FUCKING BACK

actual serious thoughts on The One Amigo under the cut

back when I read the summary for this ep I thought "b*nder AND n*f*t*s? hard pass" but it turns out sometimes two wrongs DO make a right. even if the topic is very two or even three years ago and one I actively dislike, I wasn't inherently opposed to it as long as the show clearly wasn't on the side of the n*f*t bros - and indeed it wasn't, in fact it implied they have as much value as children's scribbles!!! on the other hand I was mildly disappointed they didn't touch on the environmental impact of those digital shitstains - I predicted the energy expenditure of The B*nder Collection would indirectly cause some natural disaster in Mexico that threatened his village, but maybe that would've been TOO realistic and bleak (also "Attack of the Clothes" is apparently gonna touch on environmental issues so I guess they didn't want that ep to be redundant)

and oh! my son and his boyfriend, interacting in a canon setting again for the first time since the movies!!! when the teaser clips and screenshots started appearing I got a bit concerned they were gonna revert back to the "B*nder Should Not Be Allowed On TV" characterisations with Cubert and Dwight having no distinct personalities outside of being "The Kids" and do a storyline about b*nder trying to be hip with the youth of today, which in the year 3024 means doing n*f*ts - but I'm glad I worried for nothing because imo the execution (with them being aware it's a scam they can use to their advantage) was pretty in-character for our boys from Awesome Express, incorporating both their keen business sense for their age and their love of pranks, both of which were established all the way back in "The Route of All Evil". and even if their initial bonding seems to have happened off-screen, them taking Axl and Mandy under their wings was a delight - I've wanted these two to have more friends around their own age since... well, always (we did kinda get that with them befriending Tinny Tim and the orphans but as previously mentioned that episode sucked, and sadly the two friends they introduced solely for B*nder's Game don't seem to have stuck)

because I'm me, I kinda fell asleep during the supposed A-plot, and I'm too gringa to say how well they represented Mexico writing-wise - but I do think it was well-done visually, at least. in a weird bit of timing, this April I also went to Mexico to see a once-in-a-lifetime cosmic sight... my boyfriend @zappsbrannigan (and also the total eclipse but that was more, y'know, a bonus) and the robot village and surrounding jungle, with their nice orange-yellow-green-turquoise sky colour palette, match up pretty well with what I saw there. with enough childlike wonder I could imagine that village existing on the outskirts of the town where I saw the eclipse

the actual *plot* was... ok but not amazing I guess? I saw b*nder stealing the quipu coming but still a clever way to tie the A and B plots back together. speaking of which: the heist subplot wasn't super memorable but it was a fun little diversion that let the Professor use his brains and Zoidberg his weird alien quirks, and kept b*nder from completely overwhelming the episode (he's been so overused in the later seasons that I was pretty endeared to Doblando when it was revealed he was trying to get that spotlight-stealing trashcan killed lol). and another bit of weird timing that Leela was barely in an episode that aired on her bday but at least she got to pull a heist in a custom-made mask as a little treat. go Fujiko Mine it up girl

all in all, a great episode for my personal tastes specifically, which is the polar opposite of what I expected based on the summary. it'll be hard to top, but I hope it's just the first of many pleasant surprises this season

[team-heavenly]

Chapter 26 - Part 3

You know the drill by now. Part one is here, part two is here...

Yeah, so uhhh, fun fact! In all my years of playing this game, I never once tried to leave Aegis Cave apparently, because this genuinely surprised me. THERE'S AN INVISIBLE WALL. YOU CAN'T LEAVE. YOU CAN ONLY FINISH THE STORY LINE, FAINT, OR USE AN ESCAPE ORB.

And this kinda upset me because, y'know, for the first time this entire damn run, I finally had a pile of Orans and Apples and other basic things, and I wanted to drop them off in storage to make room for more.

The good news: I did in fact pick up an Escape Orb, so we said SEE YUH!

While we were back in town, I fed a Wonder Gummi to Celebi via Rotom's juicebar, and we got two surprises packed into one!

WUH- OKAY THEN.

And now, some moments that nearly gave me a freaking heart attack.

Damage runs deep </3 Hell of a line.

Also, moments that nearly make your eyeballs fall out of your head until you remember your Garchomp has Huge Power.

Speaking of, here is a non-inclusive list of the moves and abilities I remember seeing from the Unown (either in dungeon or from recruits):

Moves:

Ice Ball

Faint Attack

Thrash

Hyper Beam

Luster Purge

Lunar Dance

Gunk Shot

Dark Pulse

Extrasensory

Hammer Arm

Spit Up

Flash Cannon

Abilities:

Sturdy

Illuminate

Truant

Aftermath

Natural Cure

Serene Grace

Bad Dreams

Drizzle

Cloud Nine

Snow Warning

Heatproof

Filter

A true grab bag, which was honestly kind of fun when it wasn't trying to kill us.

Anyway, we only had to go through three times before getting all the stones we needed and then some! IYKYK.

When we return to the waypoint, we do a funky little dance just kidding, we only close our eyes.

So, here I am, entering the Nonsensical Expanse, getting pumped we get to find out who the first of the three Regis are, right?

But then I have something so unexpected happen that my 3DS nearly falls from my hands.

Wh-

WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT ISN'T HERE?!?!?!

No, but I was legitimately upset over this. I consulted my friend @exploring-the-sky to see if love knew anything about it.

Well, this is what happens when you use a build from nearly two years ago, I guess.

At every portion of Aegis Cave, I left at least once and came back, and it was always the same. There was no one to fight. So now we'll never know who Regice is! That beautiful guidepost I put together to translate every character and place from their canon counterparts? You know, my actual pride and joy? I literally CAN'T put anything down for Regice now except ??? or ERROR 404.

THANKS A LOT, GAME!!! >:l

Or just replace it with any Pokémon you want, I don't make the rules here.

Next stop: Neat Creek.

We already have C and K so this shouldn't be too painful... I hope.

Nevertheless, when we inevitably come back around, we find what looks like a letter...

Wait, did y'all actually run into a boss? DID Y'ALL ACTUALLY FIGHT A BOSS?? PLEASE, TEAM CHARM, I'M BEGGING YOU-

Ugh, well. Guess we're about to find out, anyhow. We enter the Colossal Rift and hold our breaths...

OH THANK ARCEUS, YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM TO SEE YOU!!

...Words said before disaster, Part 21,894-

Despite our one-two punch of Meteor Mash and Powder Snow on Celebi, Rhyhorn wouldn't go down easy. In fact, he got off some Dragon Dances , which made me kinda nervous! And Seed Flare missed, like, 4 times in a row?? Then I REALLY started to panic when he used Mirror Move! But in the end, we persevered.

Ohhhh, I see... so, Not Regice just granted us the guardian's permission pre-emptively and went "lol bye losers, I'm out"? That's the explanation I'm going with, anyway :P

When we approach the Nonsensical Trench, there seems to be no sign of Team Charm...

We picked up two E stones in the last segment of the dungeon, so all we're missing is S, T, and L.

Why, hello there! This one even gave us a stone right away :)

It turns out Unown S and T also spawn on this very first floor! I stuck it out as long as I could and, lo and behold, we didn't have to go through more than once! \o/

Okay, now you gotta do the ritual thing to move on to Part 4.

[khaosophist]

What's the point of any of this?

It's like I'm queuing up my own thoughts.

I wrote something. It just showed me a lot about how I thought about things.

I gave my wife goosebumps again. So there's that... You'd think I'd ride that high...One moment it's like we're soulmates, and in another, there's barely any words between us. What with work and the kids, it's understandable.

I still have expectations. It pisses me off. These entries are always heartfelt...But the tree isn't always what partakes of its fruit. Maybe we connected for ten minutes as a whole. Boy were those moments amazing. But I don't sustain myself from these moments enough. What's five minutes of love to two hours of reflection? With every letter the sweetness decays, and leaves only emptiness on my tongue, and I persuade myself the air tastes like her, and smells like her, and feels like her.

I am one clingy...ugh...just...it's like the more I let myself out there without expectation, the more vulnerable and pathetic I feel. That a properly adjusted person would be able to let these weights and emotions pass by like a stream. Honestly, I like reading my journal. Sometimes it's shown me what feelings I've surpassed or integrated. Like...I'm happy I'll be walking my oldest from school to our home. Less weight for my Twili Shorty...

I did all the chores I hoped to do.

I have so much going on...

I'm acutely aware how difficult it is to devote a whole day to something everyday. I might not be as passionate about shortstacks as I thought if I'd rather go to the gym, or just sleep.

What does she think about? Every time I write, it's also like I'm writing her a love letter. Because my journal isn't for stories or brilliant Ideas. It's just...a stream...

I still haven't found my pins or my necklace. But a bracelet should come one day. Harder to lose. Lol.

Would she want to have lilac skin? Those long ears...in the end, it doesn't matter as long as she just shares her soul with me. I feel like she doesn't do that. Maybe journaling is its own thing and I just have to find...I've written about this before...Her crochet is so fun...She wanted to crochet a midna for me. She made a cute artic fox. Bag. A mindflayer. A spider. An ice cream narwhal...Always in my face, and I just squander them...sometimes. Every time I look at bag...it makes me think she's my gobberina, deep down...I forget her mischief too easily. It comes so naturally to us. It's scary. A dumb joke here...a silly word there...a luscious jiggle...a feigned retort...then there's that...damn gaze she gives me from time to time. Like she's just a gooey, and warm marshmallow pressing against me. Like she's falling in love all over again.

Once we have a home, what will she dream of? Tying the strands of family into a knot...changed a lot. Like a cycle is over, and understood. That we found something that is enough. Three kids. Three years difference...rule of three...

The baby started laughing recently. Fucking hits harder than drugs. They're also the only child I had nightmares about. They didn't breathe when they were born. I don't always talk about it. What is there to talk about?

I'm always looking for meaningful coincidences, which, of course, is counter intuitive...I know this. When the butterfly rested on my staff. I wasn't looking, but I found it.

I'm still hurt. Why do I care so much of what they think of me? Why can't I just believe, and move on? It's ambition. Greed. I want them to notice me, because I believe other people find them important...that if they recognise me, then it means others will too. I don't believe those who recognise me, and crave that those who don't recognise me...recognise me; vindication, y'know?

Stupid. It's stupid. I need to change my focus. Sure, keep to the dream. A monster is a monster. But being accepted shouldn't be the point. The point should be rest, and relaxation. Devotion, and meditation. Fun, and expression. That's the LARP I want.

Ugh... I don't know any costume designers...mmmh...Okay, right, there's someone else I could try...we will see.

She hasn't answered if she has any fantasies. Nor mentioned it. I've stopped asking her if she read my journal entries. The urge to do it isn't bothering me as much. But, I suspect writing about might change something. Lol.

I have to move on and look for a better job. I've silently promised myself to do this. Either I get tired, or my time is focused on the now. Next Saturday...just one...I can do this. An hour just an hour is enough.

Look at that beautiful skin colour...

SIMP TO THE EXTREEEEME OOOH YEEAAAAH!

[angel-on-probation]

hi long time no see (I think??? time has not existed in a normal linear fashion for me lately lol) ❣️ anon here, I still exist, I still love Him. apologies for incoming long message, I got emotional mid writing oops

but fuck, man. I can't remember if I sent anything in, but I fucked up big. I gave up on chasing Him a while back. I loved Him so much, but I had no way of being there with Him as much as He deserved, so I let Him go. I was embarrassed and so sad and I felt like He deserved better than me. we just... drifted apart again. just like highschool. and I was kind of okay with that. I missed Him dearly, but He was doing pretty well from what He shared, so for my own heart's sake, I stopped looking for Him.

decided to hop onto Facebook to find a picture of someone else to share with an in person friend and my heart absolutely dropped. He is with someone else now. I know that's exactly why I let Him drift away but I know He doesn't really like her like that! she's so not His type in any way. I know Him so well, even through all this time, He wouldn't change that much. I worry about Him so much and I miss Him and I hate myself because I can't reach out because what if He does like her. what if they are happy. I doubt she likes Him nearly as much as I love him, but He is with her now, and not me. I missed my chance, and now they've moved. He's not "10 minutes from home", but neither am I. we are now over 1300 miles apart and I hate it

I miss Him so much. I just want to crawl up somewhere and die every time I remember. it feels like my heart has been carved from my chest. I miss Him I miss Him I miss Him

If I can't have Him, I at least hope He's actually happy with her. I love you, peachy. I'll love you from here, but gods does it fucking hurt right now. I know I don't have the right to be hurt, but still.

Hey!!! It has been a long time!!! And ooh babe I'm so sorry to hear that :c

Your feelings are more than understandable, I've felt the same thing before. I know you feel like you don't have the right, but it doesn't change that it hurts still. You can't help the way you feel about a situation.

And, hey, I know this might not be exactly what you wanna hear but it's all too true sometimes. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be between you two. But, that doesn't mean there isn't your meant to be somewhere.

For now, at least, let yourself feel how you feel. Try and patch yourself up, and you don't have to do that alone, you know. Anyone close to you can always help in that healing, y'know? And just try to process as a first step if you haven't already done that. Remember to be easy and kind on yourself, even if that feels like the hardest thing in the world.

It's not okay right now, but it will be. Maybe take some time to get into something new, or rediscover something you lost a passion for to help keep your mind off of things for a while. (It wasn't for a situation like this, but for me it was rediscovering a passion about dolls that I had lost touch with some years ago!)

And, kinda opposite direction, you can just. Vent about it. Even if it isn't to someone else, just writing it down to get it out of your system might help, or drawing an artistic rendition of it. Or, similar to writing it down, write a letter. You can do whatever you want with it, but a suggestion from someone who is a practitioner of witchcraft, burning it to release those feelings might soothe the soul some. (You can always keep a copy, if you want, which might not be quite as effective but it'll still help something.)

And again, it's not okay right now, but it will be. I promise.

-mod star who sincerely hopes you feel better from this sooner rather than later

[willowser]

this got angsty LOL but ends well. bakugou calls you 'woman' once.

not that it would make anything easier, but—katsuki almost hopes that you won't pick up.

his gut hurts, and he knows it's dread in its raw form. not something he's too accustomed to feeling, as all his battles are faced head-on, with a certainty and confidence that he's nurtured since he was a child.

he's faced death and come out on top; how could he stand to fear anything?

the district they've given him has been a nightmare. he and kirishima are more than capable of handling it, but it's still new enough that they're struggling to establish their presence in the back alleys and between the nightborhoods. most days, they're needed two places at once, for twice as long, and they're constantly finding holes that should have been patched long ago.

it's just not something that can be fixed overnight. you know that—because it's a truth he's used as a shield for months.

in the beginning of your relationship, it was so easy. not perfect, but fitting together had been so doable, for you both. and now—

katsuki is panicking.

"hellooooo!"

the wind scrapes by, and even though he's burning up from the trouble of the day, the sweat on the back of his neck runs cold. "hey," he murmurs.

"i am—i had to help my coworker close something out and i missed the train, so i'm just waiting for the next one!" your voice showcases all your excitement, and when katsuki squeezes his eyes shut, he can imagine you dancing back and forth on your feet. hopeful. "all i need to do is change, and it won't take me long! are you ready?"

"uh," he curls forward until his forehead is pressed against the brick of the agency, feeling the sting of broken skin. it gives him something to hold into. "no, i, uh—"

the line is deadly silent. hope squashed.

"i, uh, don't think i can make it tonight."

it's been like this for months.

all of his work comes home with him, keeps him either cramped into the office or on his phone one way or another. you're gone for work by the time his shift is over, in the mornings, or you're fast asleep by the time he comes in late. lunch two or three times a week is the most you've seen of each other, had the time to just talk. the few times he gets to touch you have been in the shower, and he's too exhausted to enjoy it, and he can tell you know what it is.

some kind of desperation, a feeble reach for the intimacy you've been without for too long.

it's panic. it's fear.

katsuki almost thinks you've hung up until the line crackles with your long inhale, and trembling exhale. in the beginning, you used to question it fifteen different ways; is there any way he can get away for just thirty minutes? fifteen? ten? can you get the food to-go and come to him? what time does he think he'll be done? no idea? not even a little bit?

but now, you just say, "okay," in that tense, quiet voice, that's swollen with all the tears you'll cry when the call is over. just thinking about it has him—

"'m'sorry," he offers, miserably, and he pushes against the brick until new scrapes open. if he wasn't so sure he'd crack his skull, he'd bash his head into it, but he's too—mad? annoyed? guilty? like a prey animal, wanting to gnaw himself out of this situation. "it's—i'm—"

"no, i know," you sniff and it makes his toes curl in his boots, his teeth grind. of course you know. "do—i can—just tell me where so i can cancel the reservation."

"no, y-you don't hafta' do that."

"no, i can. that way you don't have to."

"no, i'll—" he has to breathe in through his nose so his frustration isn't misdirected. "don't worry about it, alright? i'll handle it."

and you just say, "okay."

in the background, he can hear the incoming screech of breaks and the ruffle of wind, and he tries to imagine you standing there. frowning, face pinched. he doesn't even know what you wore today.

"i'll talk to you—"

"it ain't—it ain't always gonna be like this, y'know?"

and you say, "i know," because you do, because he's already said this to you before.

"it's just—this fuckin'—" he huffs and suddenly stands straight, throws his arm out while facing the wall, as if you could see him arguing over this, because he cares. "ei and i are gonna figure this shit out and—"

"i know, katsuki—"

"—i know you know!" he inhales sharply when you go quiet, and he's offended at his own tone. you would normally offer something soft to placate him, because you're so good at reading him—but you don't, this time. "'m gonna figure it out," he continues, "and it's...gonna be worth it, alright?"

the sounds of the station fade out slowly, like you're walking away from it now that he's ruined your night again. he wonders where you're going but suddenly doesn't feel like he has the right to ask.

when you speak again, your voice has gained enough of its sweet familiarity that he can finally take stock of his surroundings, that he can focus on something besides the break that's threatening inside his chest.

"what do you mean, worth it?"

kirishima is still standing off the sidewalk, far enough to give katsuki his little bit of privacy, back turned. the sidekick interning with them this month—another responsibility on his shoulders—turns away when he gets caught staring.

watching as katsuki looks as much of an asshole as he feels.

he doesn't know what to say to you, and you continue before he can think about it.

"you mean, like, you?"

yeah. he means like him. your relationship, the two of you. it's hard right now, but— "i'm gonna figure it out."

it's quiet for a while until you sigh, a little less shuddering. you don't sound on the verge of tears anymore and it's maybe selfish, but he feels something loosen in his chest. he can hear your keys jingling, the zipper and charms on your bag.

and he doesn't even know what you wore today—

"of course you're worth it, if that's what you're trying to say." you offer, softly, to placate. "it's just dinner, katsuki."

you're trying to let him off easy, like you always do, and maybe he should take it, but now it only riles him up further, because he's never just taken easy. he faces things head-on, his mistakes and all.

"no," he argues, because he cares. he does. "it ain't just dinner, it's—"

he bought the ring a year ago, now, picked it out with his dad's help. it's been sitting in a bag in a box at the bottom of his work bag so you wouldn't stumble upon it by accident.

at first, he needed to find the balls to ask, and now that he has, everything has gone to shit. and even though you have the patience of a fuckin' saint, he's not sure how many more chances he has, with you. how many more you'll give him.

"no, it ain't just dinner," he reaffirms, grumbling. there's a speech somewhere in his brain that he's practiced over and over again, but it's been so long since he figured out how to word everything that he can't remember the opening details. "i—there ain't anyone else for me 'sides you, y'know that?"

you're smiling, even if your eyes are wet; he can hear it in your voice. "well, i hope not." he doesn't laugh because he can't, with his heart in his throat like it is. "there's no one else for me, either."

"it—ain't just dinner, it's..." all the sweat that had cooled in the creases of his arms and knees fires up again, hot enough to make him feel dangerous. "forever. i don't want anyone else forever."

"yeah, i don't either, bighead."

"so if i asked you to—fuckin' marry me or whatever, you'd say yes?"

this isn't how he wanted to do this. not in a million different scenarios that he worked through did it happen like this: over the phone, as desperate as he's ever been, too tired to remember what he wanted to say. it's not a last ditch effort; he just can't stand to look at his fucking work bag sitting in the corner of his office any goddamn longer.

the line crackles with your long inhale, and trembling exhale. "is that what you're doing right now? asking me to marry you?"

katsuki huffs, rolls his eyes like you can see them. "'s'what i've been tryna' do for months, woman."

you laugh, like it's a yes.

for him, the sound might as well be.

"are you coming home tonight for sure?"

"that have anything to do with your answer?"

"no," you smile again, clear and small and shy. "answer is still the same, i just want to know."

katsuki almost doesn't realize he's smiling until he looks at kirishima again, face too numb and hot to feel anything else. eijirou grins back at him, big and bright, like he's the one that had been asked.

"yeah," katsuki murmurs, and as he answers, he pictures you like he's seen you every night for weeks: safe and warm, curled up in his bed. where you belong. "i'll be home."

"okay," you whisper, but it's not like before; it makes his chest hurt in a good way, like his heart is trying to beat its way out. "ask me when you get home."

"okay," he says—

and he does, finally digging the box that's in a bag at the bottom of his work bag, getting down on one bruised and creaky knee at your bedside. still covered in dirt and grime, though he's more awake than he's been in a long time.

unafraid.

i keep having this thought rotating in my brain and it's of bakugou so fed up with your differing schedules that he proposes in a phone call LOL