#i hope i made yall happier with this piece even though i dont really like it

[ihopeinevergetsoberr]

academic rivals part 2! viktor x fem!reader

(part 1)

author’s note: this is my humble, poorly proof-read new year’s present. banter, smutty smut and all that. what is this with me and semi-public vehicle (train) sex scenes. anyways. this was highly requested so i delivered. enjoy!

word count: 5,3k~

—

His mouth arcs into a sardonic smirk under your thumb, front teeth nipping ever so sternly—all fucked-out glimpses of insolence gnawing at your composure. So much for paying homage to the proper aftermath. It’s his penchant for prideful gestures that always gets in the way—a ticklish kiss that’s more self-pleased than it’ll ever be tender, lingering below your ear in a slick little trace and basking in the rigid sequence of breaths. Sinewy hands curl around your thighs and slide a ticklish trail home—a finishing touch to your undoing by his hands. A stunt he’s allowed to pull only when you sit astride him. 

“Fuck.” It comes out in a rasp—a trembling, gulping thing that you spit above his clavicle, fingers tearing at his shirt in the very same fashion he’d disposed of yours mere minutes prior. Gaze down and stubborn, even in its bleariness. “Lose the grin. I can’t stand it.”

“Am I not allowed to indulge in some self... acclaim?” Viktor holds a breath and lurches forward with a sloppy bob of his head, catching hold of your wrist just in time to brush your knuckles with the corner of his smiling lips. 

“You and your redundant swank. You might as well write it on your forehead. ‘Look, I made a woman cum for once!’”

That scores you an incredulous chuckle. And it’s a sweet taunt when he leans backward, watching you crawl out of his lap through weak-kneed splendor. Dizzy and struggling to find your shirt, but neither of you mind a little voyeurism—Viktor almost looks upset when you finally swing the thing on your shoulders, popping the buttons closed—so watchfully sluggish. Dragging it out until the side of your breast is finally out of his reach. The opposite of a striptease. 

“For once?” He chides with a huff. 

His lean on the desk is heavy when he gets up—has you frowning as he groans, straightening his back, and your shaky, helpful hands rush to put his cane back into his palm. You definitely ought to consider doing it on softer surfaces. 

And there goes your taciturn gratitude. Intermittent tenderness at its best—wrapping around his shoulders and kissing him on the mouth, swirling inside your chest in that one terrifying, anything-but-casual tingle. 

Too bad you’d rather drink his promised periodic table-flavored coffee than confirm your affection verbally, though.

“Maybe twice,” you concede, but that little mercy doesn’t please him. It’s a prickly antic when he trades the lovely squeeze of your hip for a warning pinch, and you have no choice but to sigh, clinging off his frame with a defeated, “Fine. Thrice at best.” 

“Try quadrupling that,” Viktor bites back, earning himself a scoff. “Although, I’m sure the received sum will noticeably deviate from the accurate amount.”

“That’s not plausible. We’re not fucking nearly long enough for you to even dream of that.”

“Ah, but you do admit that ‘thrice at best’ doesn’t do my accomplishments enough justice.”

“God, you’re so flippant. Remind me why I’m sleeping with you again?”

Truly, though, why do you keep doing it? Your rivalry is not exactly a fugitive—it was still there, jagged and swollen inside your gut, piercing through your temples whenever he dared to challenge you. And his contempt never left, either—all tense veins threatening to snap out of his neck every time he towered above you with a new complaint. An ouroboros of aching vocal cords and heated profanities—mostly on your part. Mostly during those tedious hours of assembling the exoskeleton. 

Oh, but what a twist it gained.

A titillating, filthy thing that both of you couldn’t get enough of. Shamefully lucrative, too—both for the Inventor’s Competition and for your sanities—biting, bruising, binding your limbs together in whatever hate-fucking fashion he did it to you the first time. And the second one. And the third. You couldn’t exactly make out when it got diluted into something palpably softer, though. 

When the need to pound you senseless just to make the cooperation bearable was replaced with a mere ‘Would you like a distraction?’ When his name—once urging you to wash your mouth with soap for every shameful time you had to call out for him—became your favorite disyllabic moan, sultry and choked up beneath or atop him (and invariably followed by a sweetly sadistic tug on his tousled hair). When there isn't a single logical reason left for you to keep it up—because the prototype finally lies before you, complete and stunning, outstripping the deadline by two days, and the presentation is already approved by your mentors. Not without a plethora of mutual insults, but that part could never be avoided. And the job was done. Flawlessly so. That’s the only thing that matters. 

Except it isn’t.

Your temporary partnership was over. Sure, there’s still the main event waiting to be dealt with, but that affair is of a strictly professional nature. No twisted, romantic business allowed. Maybe you could still arrange a few superfluous recitings—more so to come up with another excuse to undress him and gently pull the device over that prominent spine, then to hastily get him out of it when one of you inevitably starts questioning the other’s intelligence (or decency). A maniacal urge to find something—anything to claim one more chaotic evening before it’s over. Before you lose every preposterous explanation for lusting after him. 

How very counterproductive of you.

Even tonight. Barely any science talk, yet so much redundant touching. Nonsensical anecdotes. Laughter. Insult-framed, jagged heart-to-hearts. Anything but a decent, last-adjustments-related workshop. And there was definitely no reason to finish as late as you did. 

And yet, it’s quarter to midnight when you’re finally packing up. His hand keeps slipping off the handle when he holds the door for you. And he stands there so tellingly disheveled, with his hair a mess like a screaming proof of your entanglement: he could never fight the allegation if someone were to walk in on you one of these nights. Certainly not looking like that. 

Knowing, astute eyes followed your languorous tease of a walk. He failed to swallow a scoff when you attempted to run out of the lab (the audacity of you to even consider leaving without kissing him goodbye!), and that stunt cost you a graceful penalty. 

Viktor’s scrawny frame found support in a quick recline on the wall. Had you squealing when something hard tugged on your waist. His cane, you realized, turning to address the bastard. But he exceeded. Weaved his arm around you and pressed your chest flush with his, grinning down when your fingers reached for his corduroy vest. And that smile—gummy and ostentatious—almost tore his mouth when you gave him a nasty glare from beneath tired lids. An oblivious passer-by would definitely mistake this for a lovely embrace in the doorway—if not for the way you pulled his tie and clashed agape mouths in a harsh nip of a kiss. 

“Asshole,” you grumble, going in for another toothy collision. His laugh bounces off your tongue and rolls down your throat in a vibrating little shake—and you giggle back, awkwardly waltzing him out of that dim room, face still clinging to his in a vile attempt to distract while he fumbles with the key. 

“Mmm,” Viktor hums, watching your tangled legs trip over his cane. “You should amend this obsolete dirty talk. Your semantics have become tolerably pleasant.” 

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t have to endure them any more.” 

He drops the keys with an awkward clang. 

And it’s a first for you—to face the taciturn side of him, smug face unscathed with usual complacency as he watches you bend over to pick up the dangling bunch—sharp shoulders hunching when he reaches to take it from your hands, praying that you miss the subtle shake of his fingers. 

“Any more?” He clarifies. His voice echoes through the hall, so oddly strained—and for a moment you simply stare, unsure of how to pussyfoot your way out of this calamity. 

You shudder through it, sharply gnawing at your cuticle. Looking up at him with eyes full of puzzled radiance. Come what may. 

How does one confess to holding a sentiment? To a semi-former rival, no less? Is he even fond of you? He has to be. His sweet, yearning-ridden eyes tell you that much—so glassy under those shabby chestnut strands. So astutely askance. Surely, you can soften them. You just have to word it right. I want to keep doing this. You can make my eyes roll. Both in bed and because you’re so awfully irritating. Well, not in bed. In… chair. On the desk. The floor, too. In fact, why don’t we move this to our bedrooms? You’ve been promoted. I’d like to date you. Are you available to discuss the details? Right this instant?

“Yes. We finished the prototype, did we not? There’s no need for us to keep working nor sleeping together.” What the fuck. No! Shove that concise shit back into your throat and choke on it. Kiss him senseless. Redeem yourself while you still can—

But Viktor nods. Swipes his tongue over his freshly wounded bottom lip (thank you very much), and averts his eyes to ponder his shoes. So that’s how it is. 

“I thought…” He struggles to pronounce it. Stumbles over a digraph and hisses it in a most foreign way—and you’re sorry to have reduced him to shitty pronunciation, watching a hard gulp slowly bob down his throat. Why, just why did you have to blurt that out?

Viktor retaliates, though. Scratches his nape. Shuffles from foot to foot and coughs. A nervous tic you bear witness to for the first time, and, in a way, you gobble up his vulnerability—quiet and almost sacred, in the ambiance of this dark, long hall. 

“I thought…” He tries again but trails off to sigh. “Well…We’d already established that we shouldn’t limit our arrangement to, eh… strictly professional benefits. We may not have a reason to proceed, but wouldn’t ending it altogether be a… sunk cost fallacy?” 

Oh fuck. You do not take that well. In fact, it ignites a scoff—arms crossed over your chest and pressing hard enough to bruise your sternum. Heels clacking intimidation as you step closer, raising a brow.

“Ah, so that’s what you’re most concerned about? You simply regret investing time in me, is that it?” 

“What?” He huffs. His words—so delectable, you just want to eat them right up, especially when they gain that slightly baffled edge, all his vowels so sweetly round and pushy. “What gave you the impression?” Oh yes. Yell at me some more. Let's fight one last time and maybe I won’t feel bad about prioritizing my pride over keeping you. Bravo. How mature.

“Sunk cost fallacy?” You deride. “Seriously?” So close—almost mouth to mouth again, and you’re sure some of your spit must’ve landed on his cheek with the way you seethed it through gritted teeth—not that he minds, of course. That much was determined a long time ago. 

“Oh, since when are you so picky with your phrasings?” Viktor jeers. Pretty eyes already bleary with anger—there’s no turning back, and you know it’s a lost cause when his hand digs into his cane, twisting hard enough to strain a wrist.

Tremendous.

“I thought you wanted to keep doing this because you liked it!” You rant. Let him hover over your head (dejavu), hot breaths compounding. Scorching. 

“You’re ridiculous. I never claimed not to like it!” He concedes, hitching an exhale.

“Why won’t you admit it, then?” You pry again—nose bumping against his. There goes your decorum—straight into canines and itching to bite—right at that insufferable tongue of his. 

But he doesn’t retreat. Two can play that game.

“Why won’t you admit it? I haven’t heard a single verbal sign of appreciation from you, either.”

“Why would I spell it out for you?”

“Why wouldn’t you spell it out for me?” 

“Because the implication is there. I don’t like stating the obvious!”

“So you don’t deem me worthy of your confessions? That’s a shame. Am I to believe I’m not as special as you paint me to be?”

“Oh, you’re special all right! A special prick, that’s what you are!”

You don’t bother with confining that insult. In fact, you hope it lands precisely where you aimed—always his ego, that enormous entity you seek to tame at all cost.

But alas. That strikes a different nerve. Viktor’s teeth gnash when he takes a step back, his nasal, disappointed exhale tickling your face at last. And you don’t get to bask in the triumph. Because seeing him scowl feels anything but good—more so when he turns around, his head wagging in disbelief, eyes rushing to avert like he’ll throw up if they linger on you any longer. 

“I tried being patient with you,” he mumbles over his shoulder, “but if you prefer useless insults over admitting your feelings… I shall not waste any more time on your immature antics.” 

And when he tops it off with a sad Goodnight, followed by a spiteful hiss of your last name, you don’t mutter anything back. 

You let the silent hall consume you, chewing your lip off to the faint thumps of his cane. Foretasting a sleepless night full of awkward agony and an even more insufferable trip to the competition. With Viktor. Side by side. In one tiny compartment. 

Come what may, huh? Well, how do you feel about that mindset now? 

—

Walks of shame have enough flavours to conduct a small study. You’ve tried every single one in a span of one day—first dragging your feet as you trudged to your dorm with hunched shoulders, guilt dissolving remnants of your vigour. And then—a more potent one, crumbling you completely on your way to the lab as you mourned the sweet reminiscence in the morning—stumbling upon the things he did to you on those very surfaces, every corner marked lovely with your shared achievements. Reminding you of exactly what you’d fucked up the night before. A slap, but not on the ass.

There’s nothing left for you but to sigh, gently retrieve the prototype and see yourself out. Staying there even for a minute longer would have you tumbling head in hands. And you were already almost late for the train. Running to the station with ragged breath and bumbling over your own feet—always a hot mess no matter where you go. Nearly slipping down to the rails when you finally arrive, your skirt all hiked up. Pulling hair out of your face and mouth, hasty and inelegant. Gagging on a strand when someone (Viktor, of course) coughs behind your back and huma a reluctant greeting as you turn around, startled. Stern, ochre eyes meet spooked ones. They darken, when you ogle him—a guilty pleasure, really—and almost curse out loud, noticing his shirt (the shirt!): the thin linen thing he wore the very first night you spite-fucked him. Did he do it on purpose? Smooth enhancer. How dare he. 

“You’re late,” Viktor states. Casts a quick eye on his wrist—he’s wearing a watch today, the professional bastard—and gets back to judgmental peeking, scolding you from beneath arched brows. The embodiment of a harsh peer review. 

“I’m not late,” you argue, shaky arms wrapping around the exoskeleton almost possessively. “I’m just in time.” 

He looks at his watch again. Clicks his tongue—a meticulous, petulant tsk—and shakes his head, hair fluffing all around him as the train approaches with a peevish screech, all windy streams hitting you in the face. 

Just in time indeed.

You follow him into the cart. Trip over the last stair and all but leap inside, face bumping into his back with a harsh squeal. “Sorry,” you mutter, skittishly holding onto the prototype. Not as fierce today, are we?

“Watch your step,” Viktor warns. Not even a tactful glare. Hell, not even an over-the-shoulder one. He simply leads you to the compartment, so painfully casual. And you grudgingly tag along, staring at his nape with a choked up whine—so blatantly obvious in your pining.

Oh to brush your nose against those knotty little hairs. To taste the skin and smirk when he arches into the nip, whispering some indistinct Czech nothing. But you’re not allowed to. Not anymore. You did this to yourself, remember? 

He opens the door for you, nodding to your seats. Waits for you to squeeze inside (the invention is a bit chunky, after all), leaning on his cane with a tranquil grunt. He must’ve gotten to the station by foot—you can tell by the way he’s stretching out his leg, sitting down. 

You wonder if this morning would’ve turned out any different had you decided not to be a cunt last night—had you told him how you really feel, no filthy words involved (except for those he likes to drag out of you, if he felt like indulging in that to celebrate).

Would you go to his dorm or yours? Would you fight over what to have for breakfast? Would you catch a cab here together? 

But the conductor helpfully ruins your bitter daydream. You awkwardly fumble inside your pocket, searching for the ticket, eyes still set on Viktor and his polite little exchanges. Good morning. Yes, of course. Here you go. Have a nice day. 

But when you finally hand that lovely lady your crumpled ticket—she drops the smile and offers you a dry thank you. The hypocrisy. 

The conductor retaliates, leaving you alone with Viktor’s ambiguous silence. So captivating when he sits in front of you, staring out the window, piney shadows running over his face in all kinds of prickly shapes. You join in on the pondering, but the remorse doesn’t let you admire the woods. The view simply blurs into vertigo-like heaps of green. 

“Ahem.” Great. Resorting to fake coughs now. So much for getting him to talk to you. Watching the glide of his tongue behind a hollow cheek and resenting that cruel show-off. Sure, you do deserve a punishment, but the drollery is hardly necessary. Some heavy artillery is in order.

Your shoe invades his pants. Just the toe, but it’s a tight fit nonetheless—forcing its way inside the leg opening and pressing hard. Scratching him precisely above the sock and gobbling up the huff he draws out, angry pupils flaring at your audacity. 

His fingers flinch down and wrap around your ankle. So belligerently erotic. More so when he forces your foot out of his pants and yanks it in its place. All gritted teeth and confused pouts. Seething intimidation and something you can’t quite make out. Has your heart dropping straight into your underwear. So the spark is still there, you note. Good to know.

“Don’t,” he alerts. “I don’t feel like indulging in another quarrel.”

“That’s not what I’m after.”

“I don’t care what you’re after. I’m fed up with your aggravating drivel.”

“It’s a good thing I’m offering you an apology, then.”

That grounds him. Tempts him treacherously enough to fail at hiding his commotion, curious mouth dropping open. But you interrupt that speechless. Leaning closer and prying his fist lax, hands twining firm through sweaty reluctance. Thumbs circling each other skittishly. 

“I’m sorry.” You mean it. He knows you do—harsh decorum tumbling right that instant, no matter how convincingly he’s shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” you proceed, “for being so arrogant. I always expect vulnerability from you. But it goes both ways. Well, it should. At least I know that much. I should’ve never adhered to… whatever that was. It’s just that… I get so tongue-tied when feelings are on my agenda.”

Viktor smiles, albeit still curtly. “That outburst didn’t seem tongue-tied to me at all.” 

“May I please finish before you start with all the nitpicking?” You frown, shooting him a tumultuous stare. He chortles. So insufferable. But you love him for it, don’t you?

“Back to my apology, though.” You solemnly clear your throat. “Where was I? Oh yes, vulnerability. Well, perhaps it’s already too late to address it, but I do respect you. And I do like you. In every capacity. I’m sorry for insulting you when you were clearly expecting sweetness. And if you want nothing… unprofessional to do with me after I treated you the way I did—I totally understand it. Just no more of this stonewalling bullshit, please. I want to win that damned competition and maintain a decent relationship with you afterwards. No… how did you put it? Aggravating…?”

“Drivel.”

“Right. Aggravating drivel.” 

You both nod. So it’s settled, then? A flimsy truce? Just a quick, respectful split (too quick, even)—and you almost feel underwhelmed when he slowly slips away from your touch, bashfully averting his eyes at last. It’s over, you think. Or is it? 

And then—a change of heart, so sudden and so demanding—crawling back into your palm and prying shaky fingers loose, pushing himself right back where he’d just left you empty. Ignoring your incredulous Oh? and staring at you from the altitude of his seat, thin mouth quivering into an arc. Still so insistent on running his tongue over the very wound your teeth sliced into his bottom lip. You allege to kiss him gently henceforth. If only he returns you this perk, that is. 

“Do you truly seek a decent relationship with me? Nothing more, nothing less?” He asks carefully. 

“It’s not about what I seek, Viktor. It’s about what you’re willing to give me. The decision is yours.”

“No.” He winces. “Quit it. You’re an atrocious liar. Where’s that volatile stubbornness I admire about you?” 

You grin. Admire. What a revelation. 

And you can show him stubborn if that’s what he wants—hands already swiftly sliding up his thighs and shackling them to the seat. 

Tenacious it is, then. Hovering over his lap and tacitly asking permission to slide in. Savouring the best of answers when he pulls you towards him, long fingers curling low on your hips. Shaking just from having you on top of him again. It’s where you belong, after all. 

“Is that stubborn enough for you?” You chide. He smiles up at you in the very way that always makes you weep for him. Well, not you, per se. Just the needy thing between your ribs. And between your legs. But you’re not sure if the ambiance is appropriate for those kinds of tears yet. You do have a relationship to establish, after all. 

“You can do better than that,” Viktor whispers. Avid lips curl against your shoulder and fumble up, puckering a sparsely chaste kiss into your cheek. A tender overture ante-inevitable. 

“Do you want me to do better?” You hitch, slurring the question. Fingers already lost in fistfuls of his hair and struggling not to pull—so unvirtuous when it comes to patience. But you’re willing to wait for him. Especially when he’s staring at you this closely, all clenched jaw and tense shoulders. 

“I do,” Viktor concedes. “Of course I do. And I owe you an apology, too. I should’ve never accused you of childishness when I was hardly sophisticated myself. If anything, I should’ve told you how I feel first.”

“Mmm, are we competing in confessions now? What is this with you always trying to outstrip me?”

“Lose the prefix. I only want to strip you. But that’s besides the point. I regret my hesitation. I simply wish I’d told you sooner. All competition aside.”

Oh well. 

If the man has spoken, all while looking at you so devotedly—surely you can give him what he wants? It’s not like you don’t want to hear it, either. It’s a dream come true, to have Viktor half a beat from spilling his heart out into your hands. Figuratively, literally and however else he prefers. 

You finally indulge in a sneaky pull on his hair. Keeping his head thrown back when you drawl a raspy, “Lucky for you, I feel very charitable today.” But the cheekiness vanishes when you bashfully add, “You can tell me now. If the offer still stands.” Handing him the stubborn baton through a kiss so soft that he shudders beneath you, treacherous tachycardia tangible in his very temples. But it’s a necessary risk. Conversation is a relay sport, after all. 

Viktor peers at the door. Suddenly, you’re reminded of your predicament, rocking sideways and adding to the delight of your giddiness—the compartment (which tininess you had to thank for pushing you back into his vicinity) was providing you barely any flimsy privacy. 

Come to think of it, the lovely conductor may barge in to offer you tea any time soon. And god, the thought of her turning rouge to the sight of you gnawing at him shouldn’t excite you this much. It shouldn’t excite you, period. 

And yet it does. Heartbeat rolling back into your underwear and all that. You can see Viktor's pulse follow suit. You could even cup it through his pants—if you felt like it. Both of you have half a mind to get into it right that perverse instant, but, thankfully, his share of decorum proves bigger. And so he reaches behind your back, sliding the lock shut. Sharp eyes return to your lips, seeking resumption. 

You lick into him with the vigour of a farewell kiss. And a farewell it is—to whatever undefined mess you’d started in that lab two weeks ago. You’re changed people now. A tad clumsy with your gentle tongues colliding and tickling each-other’s palates unskillfully. But nothing is unmanageable to Viktor. He quickly gets the hang of it, figuring out a way around your mouth. Grinning against your tongue like a fool. And you humm, clinging to his hair with trembling fingers. Arching under his own when he crumples your shirt, finding a grabby hold of your waist. So greedy. 

It’s hard to fight the force of habit. To put your teeth out of the way. His content moan only riles you up, more so when you suck at his bottom lip, tasting dried iron where he still wears your crimes of passion. You shower those little wounds in guilty kisses, smiling. He pulls away, panting through a wheezy chuckle. Tributing the next moment to an enthralled staring contest before forcing your mouth open again, one hand besetting your neck, mindful not to choke, another daring to slip under your shirt and follow a shivering path to the underside of your breast. Nimble fingers outlining an aureole while his tongue traces your lip. Beautiful contingency. 

“I adore you,” he rasps. Licks up the thick saliva string connecting your mouths and marvels at you, contorted with horny desperation. Bedroom eyes glimmering under dark lashes. Bedroom. You really ought to take him there. Eventually. For now, he lovingly wrecks you on a train, bodies moulded together in a tiny seat. You laugh, pushing his tousled hair back.

“Do you?” 

“I do.” He nods. Kisses your temple and presses his thumb into your nipple, fondling it hard. “You and your superfluous, unwavering pride. The nasty things you call me with such genuine fervour.” 

“But you’re into that.”

“Oh yes. To a concerning extent, I might add.” And he places your hand on his crotch, knowing that you prefer physical evidence.

“Back to my adoration, though,” he proceeds. Gently nudges you off his lap, using your puzzled reverence to his advantage—legs bending as he slides to the floor, lurking between your thighs. Hunching over them to steal one more peck—it’s hard to resist, really—and pushing your knees apart, hardly even insistent. 

His cunning, unmerciful fingers engulf bashful shivers when he reaches beneath your skirt and hooks his thumbs into your underwear, swiftly gliding the soaked thing down. You wish you’d chosen a fancier pair, but alas: one doesn’t exactly plan ahead to have make-up sex on a train. 

“Viktor,” you whine a choked up warning. But he doesn’t just leave the lacey garment to dangle off your ankles. He folds it into his pocket with a grin so wide that it might just rip his mouth. Back to his bastard roots. No amount of gentleness could ever cure a perpetual asshole. 

“What?” He huffs. Feigned innocence slumping when you push your legs further apart, arching into the seat. Filthily inviting him to have a taste. He settles on having a look for now, hitching a whistling breath as his eyes roam—every inch of you swollen and ready just for him. More so when his lips brush your skin, leaving a wet kiss above your knee. Moving up, up, up and faltering when you grab him by the nape, shoving his face where you need him most. 

But he doesn’t oblige. Simply smiles at you and snakes a cruel finger between your folds, teasing the slit sloppy. 

“You—ah, stole my underwear,” you moan, nails sharply stinging Viktor’s neck. His finger curls inside you, trembling when you clench at the contact, every nerve taut and ready to snap. Especially when the heel of his palm flattens your clit, dull pressure like a sweet tingle making your legs feel numb. His free hand grabs your calf and pushes it in the air, and the stretch stings so deliciously that you have to bite your fist to muffle a moan. Oh the detriments of fucking in public. 

“I did,” Viktor concurs, bottoming out inside you. His thrusts are languid, as if intending to feel every crevice, that smart-mouth of his smiling wider with every dirty, sticky sound. You look away just in time to hide your embarrassment. 

“Will you give it back to me?” You ask, teeth almost slicing your cheek when he bends to steal a careful taste of your clit, tongue poking you almost too gently. 

“No,” he hums against you, staring up. Eyes hazy with awe at just how wet and pliant you are for him.

At how his fingers are always welcome inside you, no matter mouth or cunt. Perhaps other… orifices, too, but you’re yet to explore that. For now, he can only think of the needy task at hand. 

“You expect me to attend the competition with no underwear?” You mumble, clenching your jaw, but it’s hard to be mad at him when his tongue feels so good. More so when he does that little thing you like, tending to your clit in a circling lick, all while pumping his finger deep to the knuckle. Has you tilting your head back with your hand thrown over your damp forehead, mouth stretching in an O that could’ve been so debauched if not for your reticent calamity. What a loss.

“Precisely,” he answers when you almost forget about the question, his voice a raspy vibration against your skin. “I’d like to see you deal with that inconvenience.” 

“It’s rude to speak with your mouth full,” you hiss, grabbing him by the collar. And being womanhandled suits him well—he meets your eyes with playful compliance, chin proudly tilted up. 

“I never claimed to be polite.” He shrugs. Smartass.

“Right. Is that why you’re putting me in that predicament or are you just a pervert?” 

“Both, really. But if you want me to elaborate—“ he sighs, leaning back to admire your face, “I want to be the reason for your predicaments and undoings. I want to have you as my partner—in life, science, crime, bed or this very compartment. I want to make your eyes roll, both when you cum for me and when I say something you find ridiculous—which, I must admit, is objectively implausible because I’m hardly ever wrong, but we’ll have enough time to fight over that later.” 

“Viktor—” You blush, letting go of his collar, heart stammering out of your ribs when he pulls away, promptly fixing his tie. 

“For now, though,” he interrupts you, stealing a quick glance at his watch, “I’d simply like to go down on you before we have to get off this train. So if you’re still feeling scandalous,” he teases, letting you kiss your own sour taste off the corner of his mouth, “relaxing and letting me take the lead would be most helpful.”

[bloopbyoop]

weep woop

ayo. ive read my scheduled email and its time for freewriting shit again. lmao. I want this post to be like a small light from a lit match stick inside a very hollow, icy, and numbing cave. (sounds cartoonish right? I know. Im obsessed with Adventure Time.) I want all people to be genuinely happy.  Spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Upon reaching my 24th anniversary in this world, I finally learned how to truly embrace all my emotions. Some are more overwhelming than the other, but we have to heed in our treacherous yet perplexing minds that everything is fleeting and we are in control. The feeling of extreme sadness fades, but so does joyful states. Everything can change in a matter of minutes or years. You are in control of all your emotions. You are in control of all your life choices. Your actions. Your words. Your perspective. It feels weird to actually write about it. I've wanted to talk about it. I never wanted help from anyone as I firmly believed that I was alone. Sure, I have a family and friends, but it is hard to see that when your head is clouded with negativity. I've even come to the point where I was too overwhelmed, I found being physically hurt less painful. The pain I felt distracted me from what I was thinking. My mind tended to go bonkers. lmao. But bro, I was so good at concealing my bonkers mind. It's easy to fake any emotion that you have. Slap anything sunshine-y or happy to anything and people would believe you. It went on for years. Long story short, thousands of bracelets collected, it became worse. The physical pain could no longer withhold the emotional pain. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't stop thinking. And voila! I found a good amount of self help books (from tumblr) and novels. Novels that brought me to different places. Self-help books that made me understand what I feel and what to do. I've read that taking the easy way out will leave everyone sad. AND IN THE FIRST PLACEEEEEE, I NEVER WANT THATTTTTTT. I want everyone to be happy. I would act foolish and do dumb shit to make everyone happy in a heartbeat. So, that idea made me push a few more years. Later on, the crippling shit came crawling back again to my head, sooooooo I needed new shit to keep me distracted again. Films, series, music, and short clips from YouTube helped me out a lot. Every single time that my mind is going to think like anything that can think of, even to the point that I was just going to think that I might be hungry, I'd watch something. There's just something about silence for me. Because of this new habit of mine, I've learned more about myself. I love different types of things. I like horror. I like thriller. I like comedy. I like romance. I love all types of films, but there is something about the horror genre that interests me. I still can't point out what, but I love watching horror films. With regards to music, I've learned that I love Indie, Punk Rock, Rap, and Pop. We all can't like a specific genre. It's stupid to ask "what genre of music do you like?". It's not actually stupid-stupid, it's just stupid. Ya know? Anyway, passing this phase, I needed to find something again because it's not doing the shit that it was supposed to, I tried investing more time on video games. By investing more, I mean a whole shit lot. I love video games since I was young cuz.... u know.... they keep u... try to guess it! oh yeah. you got that right! distracted! I love the aggressive plays and trashtalks that my friends and I make. The short stories we tell one another. The rants. The lame jokes. The late night we sound drunk but we are not drunk jokes. The roleplays. The lame jokes. The memes. And once again, The lame jokes. Something about lame jokes and the laughs and curses after that always gets me every single time. Oh shoot. Yup Yup. Few years later, I finally noticed the pattern that my sadness is temporary. I got over it one way or the other (or another. depends on how you wanna read it. i dont wanna say another cause i might write about one direction like what im doing now so-). Happiness is temporary as well. But, we are the ones who are actually in control of our emotions. If you wanna feel sad, be sad for a while. You're getting too sad? Try hanging out with your funny friends. Can't do that? Find an alternative. Watch a movie, knit a sweater. Anything your mind could think of as long as it will keep you mentally distracted from being physically and mentally hurt. I do have a few notes though. We cannot and should never assume what people are going through. It may be petty for you, but it may be very crucial to them. So never everrrr say things like: -Some people have it worse than you -At least you have ..... These sheetsss are annoying as heckkk and could really down someone. I know it is not your intention to annoy but people react differently. alsooooooo, it is not okay or normal to hate on things for bandwagon. that is just plainly crazy and stupid. let people enjoy things. anddddddd never suppress your emotions. admit what you feel inside and try to think of a way to resolve ittttt. keeping it to yourself will just make it worseeeeee. find your own outlettttttttt. hihihi ️ alsooooo. being more spiritually full with God's words and ideas really help me to be spiritually happy. ps. im christian but i dont discredit other religion and even applaud other religion's ideas and beliefs. this is a really long, selfish post so i might as well recommend some things I like : Songs with their lyrics that made me go through life. “I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier” -All These Things That I've Done, The Killers “It's not too late, I'm still right here” -Breaking Your Own Heart, Kelly Clarkson "And the salt in my wounds / Isn't burning any more than it used to / It's not that I don't feel the pain / It's just I'm not afraid of hurting anymore / And the blood in these veins / Isn't pumping any less than it ever has / And that's the hope I have / The only thing I know that's keeping me alive" -Last Hope, Paramore “There is not a single word in the whole world / That could describe the hurt / The dullest knife just sawing back and forth / And ripping through the softest skin there ever was / How were you to know?” -Hate to See Your Heartbreak, Paramore "It's holding on, though the road's long / And seeing light in the darkest things And when you stare at your reflection / Finally knowing who it is / I know that you'll thank God you did" -1800, Logic "Did some things you can't speak of / But at night you live it all again / You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now / If only you had seen what you know now then" -Innocent, Taylor Swift (My bb) "10 months sober, I must admit / Just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it / 10 months older, I won't give in / Now that I'm clean I'm never gonna risk it // Rain came pouring down when I was drowning / That's when I could finally breathe / And by morning gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean" -Clean, Taylor Swift “I guess I always knew / That I had all the strength to make it through.” -Believe in Me, Demi Lovato "I'm addicted to the madness / I'm a daughter of the sadness / I've been here too many times before / Been abandoned and I'm scared now / I can't handle another fallout / I am fragile, just washed upon the shore / They forget me, don't see me / When they love me, they leave me" -I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me, Demi Lovato “I'm overwhelmed / I need a voice to echo / I need a light to take me home / I need a star to follow / I don't know” -Nightingale, Demi Lovato "I'm a walking travesty / But I'm smiling at everything. // Arrogant boy, Love yourself so no one has to." -Therapy, All Time Low "I tried it once before but I didn't get too far / I felt a lot of pain but it didn't stop my heart. / But maybe I'm alive 'cause I didn't really wanna die / But nothing very special ever happens in my life / Take the blade away from me I am a freak, I am afraid that / All the blood escaping me won't end the pain / And I'll be haunting all the lives that cared for me / I died to be the white ghost / Of the man that I was meant to be" -Ghost, Badflower "Are the pieces of you / In the pieces of me? / I'm just so scared / You're who I'll be / When I erupt / Just like you do / They look at me / Like I look at you" -DNA, Lia Marie Johnson Movies and series to try : -The Perks of Being a Wallflower (The book is bomb af. if yall havent tried, ur missing out) -The Kings of Summer -Never Let Me Go -The Art of Getting By -Silver Linings Playbook -Winter’s Bone -The Lovely Bones (The script. The words) -Me and Earl and the Dying Girl -American Horror Story -Black Swan

pps. remember that every one has their own pace and point of view. don’t push yourself too hard, and don’t overthink. give yourself time, and respect all your emotions. analyze them but not more than like 5 minutes as anything beyond that might cause you to overthink and be sadder. and sad is not rad. hehe. you got this. you got you. self love is the best even though it can be tricky to do. nobody else is like you. you’re the only one of you (i just remembered me.......... i might have hummed it while typing it mid sentence). consider other people’s opinion but do not let it cloud your own judgement as you know yourself best. dont let other comment’s define you. spread love. vibe people you vibe with. ayeeee lets go!!! 

ppps this is my last post bc im happier now and know myself better. i no longer limit myself on the age that I want. I want to live as long as how God wants me to be. hehe. 

x :D

[survivorreelsmagicwithin]

Episode 9- “THIS ROUND IS MAKING MY SCAR HURT”-Owen

I have honestly never been happier for a merge!!  I hope that Lily, Landen and I are still as tight as we used to be going into merge.  I'm excited to get to know Jules, she messaged me and we have a mutual friend and she seems so sweet!

GUESS WHO, BITCHES! Aheh! *sticks out tongue and cackles* I'm making MARSHMALLOW moves because 1 - I made the Merge, and with Jacob C and Max GONE!!! Thank FUCK because they are the perfect two people to have be gone first, Max being gone clears a major target off Hufflepuff's back and gets rid of a stigma I'm gonna have as him being my number, as well as a potential goat in this game that people would probably try to drag around. I already talked about Jacob being gone in an earlier confessional. I liked Max; but he was just seriously going to be a wrench in my game, so this is a major relief. I'm so glad to finally be done with the premerge stage (even though I was safe for 8/9 tribal councils... OK CUTE!)  And I'm ready to take on the big leagues. Hopefully I don't die ASAP. Obviously, I'm not just hoping that. Here's what this Hufflepuff is thinking moving forward. First of all, I found the Merge Idol, or the Avada Kedavra spell. This is honestly perfect, as soon as the mini challenge hunt was revealed I knew I would have to give it my EVERYTHING to find that damn idol, because there was literally no way I was ever going to find one of the branching path advantages. I don't even want to *try* to find one and keep track of all the paths I've followed, let alone actually having the luck and gut intuition to actually get there... Especially after seeing how hard yall made the escape room branching paths. Thanks, but no thanks. I'll just take the challenge one. I'm pretty nervous having it under my belt because I tend to get paranoid with idols, like *really* nervous about playing it correctly and making sure I have it at the right moment and everything, where I usually misplay or just don't end up playing. Hopefully I can avoid that and actually have the read to play it correctly this season, but at the end of the day, it's a security blanket. I did wind up telling Lily that I had it, mostly because I trust Lily ferociously, with ALL my heart, and I also know how skilled of a social player she is. If Lily gets any crucial information and wants us to play something, then she can give it to me and we'll be able to get it done and Lily won't feel lied to. It's crucial I keep her on my side because A - I genuinely want to work with her, I've been with her the whole time and I love her! And B - As long as we make it past these early stages like 11, 10, 9, She is always going to be a bigger target than me. Lily is a bigger social threat than I am with more conversationalist skills and inroads, once we get to the stage that people like that are targeted, she's gonna be the one that people go after, not her beta bitch little gay marshmallow friend :D and I'm okay with that!! I have a similar plan with Kevin, I'm ready to be his sub beta BITCH for as long as I need to because at the end of the day I'm confident people will target him over me for his challenge prowess, his inroads with almost everyone in the game, and the way he is going to have to betray people sooner or later. And again, another plan with Juls. I want to be close to Kevin, Juls, and Lily, and keep them around as shields for me. I'm not going to be the one to ruthlessly take them out, because I'm confident enough in my own gameplay that I don't need to do that, but if I can be there when they all get voted out and then pick up the pieces at Final Tribal, I'm MORE than happy to do so. ;) But as far as that goes, I need to first make the final 7 or 8 with all those shields in order to be okay in the game. Without becoming a SOCIAL POWERHOUSE, it might be.... let's just say DIFFICULT, for me to make the inroads with the Ravenclaws that I need to avoid their target early on. Early in the merge people are going to want to go for people that won't make WAVES and while me leaving would upset... Lily, and like, **maaaaaybe Juls**, if I'm lucky.. I don't think anyone else would be that torn up about it. So I have to find the right routes to survive right now, and this can be a time for my game to shine that I can use in my Final Tribal later to point out the positives of my game. I started with Kevin, I had a 2 hour call with him tonight just going over everything that happened in our games and kinda making a truce that JUST IN CASE this vote turns into a war of sides and we end up on opposite sides, let's please not gun for one another. But I also discussed the possibility of us working together with Lily, Ruthie, and potentially our very good mutual friend Autumn! If I want to work with Juls, also having Autumn may be a great way to get ourselves set up for the future, and if I am tight with Juls AND kevin wants to work with hufflepuff, that should be more than enough ammunition to convince Autumn, who already has strong bonds with me and Lily from our last swapped tribe (I love her btw!) to vote with us. The only problem here is that it would leave us with probably Owen as the only option, because I don't think Kevin will want to turn on any of Jules, Joanna, and Dan just yet. He also may not want to isolate them either which would make an Owen vote tricky. On the other hand I get the sense that Kevin might be willing to vote out Chips, we discussed that, BUTTT, Juls and Autumn would NOT be on board with that and if Kevin wanted to vote out Chips, maybe Juls and Autumn would find a way to sneak back in with the Ravenclaws and take the opportunity to blindside ME (owen wouldn't go for Ruthie, Lily is too good socially) and that's just a risk I'm not sure how ready i am to take... Meaning right now it might be better to subtly set up the vote to land on Owen, than Chips. Of course that's not even factoring immunity into the whole mess, and also other Pre-Game/Cross-Tribal relationships that WHO EVEN KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE!!! I'm sure lots more people know each other from past games and it'll probably all start coming out of the floodgates very soon, so for someone like me, who's relatively new to this community - I'm interested to see where the lines get drawn and what goes down. It honestly feels like this merge vote is going to be the Battle of Hogwarts, and I'm just donning my robes, gripping my wand, ready to make any marshmallow moves necessary to make to secure that my side wins. Hell, I'll secure myself through a Horcrux if I have to! (Which I guess in Survivor terms is equivalent to putting my soul into that idol so that I can revive myself through it when I 'die' to cancelled out votes!) Here we go, game on, this Final 11 is stacked, and it's EXACTLY what I've been waiting for.

Soooooo my loyal ass can’t help but still feel the most trust and loyalty to Ruthie, Landen, and Kevin. Now my brain is trying to think of some way to make this work so that none of us get voted out. The only thought I have right now is a girls alliance with Ruthie and I and I’m thinking juls and autumn? Then Kevin and landen in an alliance with dan and chips? Dan and Owen??? I think I should probably talk to Kevin and see where he is at. I just would hate for this to all backfire in my face now. I’m not ready to be done with this game and hope that the hufflepuffs don’t become the targets. It’s also helpful to note that landen told me he has the idol. He wants to keep it between us and I’m good with that. He says he would use it on me or for him. Whomever gets targeted first. I sure as hell didn’t get past the sudoku so this is great. I hope that I don’t become a target anytime soon and I can remain under the radar despite going to a rock vote...

In all honesty this merge has me VERY nervous for my life haha.  Everyone is so intimidating!  I need to message everyone but it is just very overwhelming! Right now I'm just talking to Lily, Landen, Dan and Jules!!  Jules is very nice and I'm getting great vibes from her- I can't remember if I already said that yesterday or not though, LOL. I need to message Autumn and get to know her, Lily says that she is someone we can potentially work with this merge. I think Lily and Landen still want to go after Owen and I just don't know about that, I need to message him and see where is head is, I still feel guilty about the round we went to rocks.

next day

Very little people are talking to me and keeping up with messages with me when I message them... so I smell a vote me out scheme trying to happen.  I'm going to wait for awhile to panic just in case people are sleeping, I'm going to idol search at my normal time and I prayyyyyy to the survivor gods that I find some kind of advantage so I'm not the one going home tonight.  Best case scenario would be for me to find something that could help the OG huffle puffles make it through! 

god landen when you read this i know ive only known u for a bit but i do love you with all my heart. but. you are A CLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A STRAIGHT UP CLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u are so cracked and i love you for it, but i dont know if you're trying to lie to me or u genuinely believe all the shit u say!!!! i just dont know!!! but ugh king...true king....much to think about....

2 hours later

AHHH are Landen, Owen and I really about to form some kind of power alliance here or...?  Going from having our names thrown around to potentially working together, I like the sound of that!  I think the people that threw my name out there were 100% Dan and Joanna which is VERY frustrating to me but... whatever.  Dan just told me he heard my name so he must sense that I know he was probably the one to suggest it or go along with it but I am going to be very wary.   In all honesty I would LOVE to work with Dan here but I just don't think it is going to work because I don't think we can trust each other as far as we can throw each other haha.  I think he is now just telling me that he heard my name to cover his ass so I don't go after him but UGH.  I would love for us all to just come together and vote out someone that is playing the middle at least this first round in the merge.  The people I think are in the middle right now are Chips, Juls, Autumn and sadly Kevin.  I want to say that he is with me but it is just really hard to tell right now :/ If we do come together to make like a huffleclaw alliance I'm going to suggest Juls or Chips go.  I feel like maybe some of them would be okay with that?? UGHH. I hate this part of the game y'all.  

Owen says that Dan doesn't want me to go? I'm SO UGHHH.   Okay so according to Owen, Autumn and Dan want Landen to go, and Juls and Jules want me to go which SUCKS because I felt good vibes from Jules whenever we talk.  Everyone else is just kind of in the middle but I think... that maybe we can get the votes for Joanna to go.  Owen seems to think that her and Dan aren't as tight as I thought they were.

THIS ROUND IS MAKING MY SCAR HURT First of all, I was very very happy to have won out to merge lol. I don't know what would've happened between Landen/Lily and Autumn/myself, but there would've been some fireworks lol. At the end of the day though we didn't have to worry about that! But now? My worries are ten times worse. I thought coming in that the three Gryffindor would join forces with Dan/Jules/myself, but the more time has gone on, the more I've realized Jules and Dan are NOT on the same page at all. Dan is so worried about Jules being a social player and having other connections, which I agree with wholeheartedly. Especially bc Jules came to me today and basically said: I like Landen and don't want to vote Landen, so unless you vote Ruthie, it's going to be you. LIKE WHAT! It was so freaking obvious Jules is trying to save Landen's ass for some reason and manipulate me into thinking it was a me vs. ruthie thing when really it's a landen vs. ruthie thing. Because now, Autumn/Dan seem to want to push Landen's name still, and Jules/Juls want Ruthie gone to save Landen, and I'm somewhere in the middle I guess??? But it sucks because in my heart, I really want to stay loyal to Dan, get revenge on Landen/Ruthie bc they freaking lied to me and got Jess out. But in my head I get this feeling that if I take out Landen rn, I'm going to be soon because I'll be a next big "threat," and that it'll turn into an Old West situation where all the players take each other out all merge and start to give the floaters more and more power. It's not fair! So I'm toying with the idea of pulling together with Lily/Ruthie/Landen and protecting them, so that hopefully they continue to get targeted as a group over myself. But in doing that, it seems like I'll just screw over Dan/Autumn, and I literally CANNOT do that. I wonder if there's a way to get Dan to want to do Joanna somehow? I don't know. I would feel ten times more okay if we could all get on the same page, save both Ruthie and Landen, and take out a non-threat. I'm falling into a trap I always do. I want too many people happy with me and too many things to be secure and go my way, so I'm making two different deals with two people, and I'm gonna have four enemies left in the game by tonight. So it's like - do I take the risk of pissing people off to save Landen? Or do I go with the path of least resistance and, against my better judgement, get Landen out of the game? I HATE SURVIVOOOOOOR

I LOVE this alliance I have with Landen and Lily, like I can't even.  I LOVE how transparent we are being with each other through the whole thing and how we are working together.  I also like that Landen and Owen are now getting along SO MAYBE I can continue to go far with all of them. I might not be so done tonight! SORRY all I keep doing is making confessionals.

I dunno who to vote out. I like everyone

I’ve honestly never hated a cast more than this one. I want to flip on all my allies, be a psycho, and just get voted out lmao

thought i made a confessional but i know for a FACT that i didn’t.. just girly tingz. but anyways so! this first merge vote gonna make me break out with how much stress it’s bringing me because every time jules kevin and i save landens ass he digs himself another hole HVDBDBD but i love him.. my cracked king. i just hope we can make this vote go the way we want it but OF COURSE. people just love to make things difficult.. sick to my mother fuckin stomach. 

I don't trust any of these people, everyone is WAY too quiet for right before a vote. Last I heard is that Landen, Lily, Owen, Dan, Kevin and I are voting Joanna but... WHAT? I just don't trust it, I really thought that Dan and Joanna were really close so I'm just... ugh. I wish we could get Jules out because I heard she is after me!  SO me being the nosy person I am did some digging on her big brother pokemon profile and may have more of an insight... sorry Jules when you read this I promise I'm not a stalker, LOL. Anyway, I'm beyond nervous, something just isn't adding up.  Even LILY my number one ride or die is being too quiet. :/

So I got sick and then kind of... talked a limited amount to people. Luckily Max was targeted instead of me and Jules and Juls voted with me to vote him out. Then we merged And merge is INSANE. Four names have been thrown: Ruthie, Landen, Owen, Joanna Each name gained steam in its own time but then petered out and then the other gained steam. Lily tried for the better part of an hour to explain how we need to vote out a Ravenclaw because they're scary. Autumn told me Kevin doesn't want to associate with the Hufflepuff sunken ship. It's been a lot and I think Ruthie is the final vote today? Of course, I think there will be an idol play or a power played and the outcome will be different. But that's who I voted. I want to be added to an alliance now that we merged and I"m too nervous to make my own. Hm... guess I'll be third wheeling it while everyone else uses me as an extra number.

Why are Lily and Landen not talking to me but Owen and Dan are??? THIS IS HOW... craziness happens. I am literally sweating bullets right now.

28 minutes later

I AM SEETHING RIGHT NOW. I'm frustrated that Landen won't vote for Jules when not everyone is comfortable voting for joanna right now and like literally ANYONE ELSE would vote for jules right now.  LANDEN OWEN AND I ARE FREAKING BREAKING OUR NECKS FOR YOU AND THIS HAPPENS I AM SO MAD.

8 minutes later

THIS is why the only person I idol hunt with is Lily.  I am SO MAD AT LANDEN RIGHT NOW. 

tribals in 10 minutes i need to do one of these really quick essentially autumn/jules/juls/chips wanna do ruthie and then lily/owen/dan/ruthie are down to do any of the other 4 but i dont wanna break trust with those ppl nor vote them out i really want owen out and i think i got my people on board with that ??? but we're waiting for autumn to get online idk if its gonna happen if it does this is insane this has to be a blindside but like idk if its gonna be im gonna scream and never stop screaming ever so idk idk idk oh my god but if owen goes home......... wow. i did that. but if i go home.......... wow. i did that. IM SORRY THIS IS SO NOT SPECIFIC

[theboykingofhell]

would you by any chance be up to just answer all of them rn

sjdnflskjdsnfdgsdfg this is gonna kill me and i’m so excited

READ MORE FOR ONCE to spare yalls dashboards

and i took out the ones i answered already tbh OK LET’S GO

1 : What age-group do you write?

YA!!!! i have always always wanted to write for teens. since i’ve gotten older, i do also wanna write for young adults but definitely like anything between 13-25 is the people i rly dedicate my stories to

2 : What genre do you write?

again, the closest thing i’d subscribe to genre-wise is YA... i get bored only doing the same thing over and over, but atm i have the most scifis (the most being two) so i guess that! i do fucking LOVE horror and realistic fiction tho

3 : Do you outline according to big ideas or small details?

how small are we talking... i do rly obsessively outline tho, i get the main big plot points down and then i like to know what those lil details in between are.. so...

5 : Do you write better with or without deadlines?

DON’T GIVE ME A DEADLINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..................

like, sure, i’ll DO it, but will i LIKE IT.. NAH... PROBABLY NOT... i did nanowrimo once, it was a great experience but was the final product good? nah... so... nnnnnah

6 : What would be the biggest compliment you could hope to receive on your current WIP?

GOSH I DONT KNOW.... JUST... ASKING FOR MORE, I GUESS??????? actually the biggest compliment is people building on my ideas or asking me questions about it tbh, anything that shows how engaged they rly got is NICE... i also do rly like when people compliment my prose tho kfgsdfgs

7 : How long is your current WIP?

tsg is 9449 words as of rn! i am far too lazy to open up the other documents and check but they are FAR shorter! 

10 : Do you brain-storm story ideas alone or with others?

bothhhhh... i do have way more fun with other people though, and i think other people help more cuz they can make connections and ask questions i wouldn’t think of. most importantly, if there are plot holes, maybe they’ll find them for me.. or maybe even solve them!!! eee the best

11 : Do you base your characters off of real people?

y e s yes yes i do i have so many... like, there’s a cara in every story, there’s a maeve and britt in every story, if i know you for long enough, you’ll def appear SOMEwhere.

12 : Is your writing space clean or cluttered?

what is this ‘clean’ you speak of

13 : Do you write character-driven or plot-driven stories?

def characters, man, i wouldn’t even write a plot if you’d let me... i literally have so many stories where the plot IS just the characters kind of just. living. yes. so good

14 : Do you have a favorite writing-related quote?

if i DID i forgot it

15 : If you transport your original characters into another author’s world, which world would you choose?

imma be honest, if i had to pick any author in the world it would be britt @mmementommori‘s verse. i absolutely fucking ADORE everything that went into that story, the verse is fascinating and perfect and my characters would fit in so well and also would be tortured for all of eternity. what could be better???

19 : Would you rather live in your characters’ world, or have your characters come live in our world?

i wanna live in tsg cuz then vampires would be real and i could finally be one, y es

20 : What book would you love to see adapted for the big or small screen?

i’ve been watching a lot of... rly... gay... amazing movies... like, beautifully made and SO grand and larger than life and so CAREFULLY LOVINGLY made... like the handmaiden or moonlight.. and because of that, i would LOVE to see tsg as a movie. i think it’d fit right in and the idea of a lgbt horror movie hitting the scren is... g o d

21 : Do you finish most of the stories you start?

yyyees and nnnoooo....more no than yes... the furthest i get usually is the first draft and onto revising and then i get bored and move on but i’m getting better

22 : Has your own writing ever made you cry?

what is this ‘cry’ you speak of

actually once i did this rp scene with @mvgitek and... imma be real... there might’ve been a tear or two

23 : Are you proud or anxious to show off your writing?

anxious the first couple of seconds, proud the rest of the time. i don’t doubt that my writing is good but also... WILL THEY THINK MY WRITING IS GOOD???

24 : When did you start considering yourself a writer?

in the 3rd grade when i started making lil paperback books for all the kids in my class. maybe even a lil bit before that

28 : On a scale of 1-10, how much do you stress about choosing character names?

def a 1 omg. name is usually one of the first things that pop up for me. if it doesn’t pop up immediately when my baby is a lil shyer, i give them a placeholder. no big. it’ll come eventually

29 : Do you tend to underwrite or overwrite in a first draft?

overwrite... in that... i write the first draft like its the only draft, cuz it pretty much will be i hate revising so much jfkgsg

30 : Does writing calm you down or stress you out?

calm, i suppose... i can and have zoned out and just written for hours, like, ten hours straight, more than that... that’s a nice feeling yes

31 : What trope do you actually like?

what’s with the phrasing of this question... as if i’m only pretending to like most tropes...also i can never remember tropes off the top of my head and i still have 20 questions to go sO..SKIPPING...

32 : Do you give your side-characters extensive backstories?

Y E P.... is it really a side-character if you don’t obsess about them more than the mains at times because they’re so complex and you love them so much

33 : Do you flesh-out characters before you write, or let their personalities develop over time?

nah those fuckers jump outta the brain womb fully formed, pretty much. their personalities do develop more as i write but i have a rly good grasp of them before i even start the story

34 : Describe your old writing in one word.

amazingwhatalittlecutieohmygodimisshavingthissymplisticwritingstylelikeyoubitchyoudidntevenrealizewhatyouhadandnowitsGONE

35 : Is it more fun to write villains or heroes? 

VILLAINS... duh....

36 : Do you write with a black and white sense of morality?

nah... largely cuz my own morality is skewed, also because most of the point of the stories is exploring morality and what it means and seeing how it gets corrupted in the protags

37 : What’s one piece of advice you would give to new writers?

you will be so much happier if you stop writing like anyone else and stop writing what people want you to write and just write for you and you only, everything else falls into place after you accept this!! AND PRACTICE

38 : What’s one piece of writing advice you try--but fail--to follow?

i hate almost all writing advice so there isn’t anything i’m attempting that i’m not doing tbh cuz i don’t wanna do any of it i’m a brat haha

39 : How important is positive reinforcement to you as a writer?

it’s important as in i’m narcissistic so anything negative puts me into a blind rage which is a damper on my mood omsfjgsfgs. also it keeps me vibing and keeps me hyped to channel out more work faster

40 : What would you ask your favorite author if given one question?

‘how the fuck’

41 : Do you find it distracting to read while you’re writing a first draft?

NAH i feel it to be absolutely necessary tbh. when i don’t read, i don’t write nearly as often and sometimes not even as well. i find other books to be rly healthy friendly competition, and when i read, immediately after i think ‘why isn’t my stuff published? why isn’t my book on the shelves with this one? i should get to work holy fuck’

42 : Do critiques motivate or discourage you?

depends! again, narcissistic, but i’ve gotten better and i do want to learn more. as long as it’s constructive and, by constructive, i mean that it still compliments me a lot and gives me the good AND the not-so-good then it’s fine, i get motivated. i never get discouraged, i’m either hype or i’m livid, which gives me evil hype and i write more outta spite haha

44 : How do you decide what story idea to work on?

i just get... the vibe... where suddenly i wanna work on a story so i do. sometimes i can tell a story isn’t ready so even if i feel like working on it, i won’t, but otherwise, i just wait for the vibe...

46 : What Hogwarts house would your protagonist(s) be in?

slytherin: red, bert, nora, amara, nathaniel, mal, katherine, tyler, eve and avery

gryffindor: black, nisha, rachel, caleb (unless i’m mean and make him a slytherin), cupid, aurora, frank, nicky, tasha, sinclair

ravenclaw: aaron, andrey, astra, antionette, blair, lucia

hufflepuff: jackie (unless i’m mean and make him a slytherin), cassandra, danny, ezra, emily, skylar, anna, null

47 : Where do you see yourself as a writer in five years?

book or two published, working on another three or so but who knows omfhsjgs

48 : Would you ever co-write?

i wanna co-write something so BAD......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

49 : Are you a fast and rushed writer or a slow and deliberate writer?

fast and rushed omfg i can’t write slow for shit.. wish i could.. i’m getting better

OH MY GOD I’M DONE WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH ANGEL