#i hope i hadn't posted this one already ops

[extensionallydefined]

Danganronpa V3 slander?? In my tumblr "For You" dashboard??? How did that get there? I gotta do something about this!

Alright before I tear into the shade thrown at v3 here, I would first like to say that the idea that dr1 and dr2 are criticisms of the justice system specifically is interesting and I hadn't thought about it like that exactly - Of course, they're games that deal with how punishment and crime are handled in a really small community, in very specific circumstances, but I hadn't connected it to punitive justice specifically. It's a very good analysis! Which is why, if the post was just that, I would be quite into it. But OP had to bring my baby v3 into it!

The argument being made here is actually kind of crazy to me. "The first two games in this series were about this thing, so the third one has to be about that too, and because it isn't, it's bad." God forbid franchises try new things! You know, one of the points v3 was making was that the danganronpa formula based on "hope and despair", like it was before, was running dry. But here's the thing: this point, despite what many claim, is not made in a cynical way. It turns around on itself and says "the formula is running dry, but it's final sendoff can be a love letter to itself." Let me elaborate.

Let's accept the claim that dr1 and dr2 are fundamentally about criticisms of punitive institutions. Great! See, the thing is, danganronpa v3 has aspects of criticisms of things, but it is fundamentally a game that wants to *uplift* something. Nietzsche said that, in his later works, there had to be a "yes" and a "no" - the Zarathustra was the yes, and everything else was the no. You could say that dr1 and dr2 are the "no", and drv3 is the "yes" for the danganronpa franchise.

Danganronpa v3's main themes are truth and lies. These manifest in multiple ways, like belief, trust, and identity.

These themes are explored through every chapter and character, much like how OP described danganronpa 1 and 2. The first chapter of drv3 is about an unreliable narrator, it takes the "truth and lies" angle and applies it to the pov character, showing how one deludes themself, through Kaede, Shuichi and the player. Chapter 2 takes Ryoma (who's trying to find something to believe in, something to keep him alive, but can't find it within himself once he discrovers the truth of his past) and Kirumi, who uses propagandistic rhetoric to try to get everyone else to sacrifice themselves for her. Chapter 3 deals with esoteric/religious belief. Chapter 4 and 5 take a theme that had been built up, belief in others and distrust, and take them to the extreme through Kokichi and Kaito, whose perspectives are sublated through Shuichi's character. And Chapter 6 is the culmination of all of this, one that I shall discuss now. But in the character sense, it makes them all deal with the fact that their entire personalities and memories have been crafted to make them how they are. They're "written characters". But that doesn't lessen their value as people.

I would say the word that encompasses the message of danganronpa v3 is, of course, "Fiction". Danganronpa v3 is a game whose final message is not a criticism: it is fundamentally about uplifting the power of fiction.

I find the argument that v3 "criticises something that doesn't exist" to be pretty bad faith, honestly. All of the danganronpas have unbelievable and unrealistic things in them: the whole thing about the tragedy and monokuma robots running around and the whole world being sent to hell by Junko is pretty unbelievable in real life, but we suspend our disbelief because we see the message behind it, we see the point being made. She played the system and fucked shit up because it was already fucked up in itself. The degree to which the world implodes is exaggerated and bombastic, but we get ir. The Neo World Program is also quite exaggerated. Just like the "Ultimate Real Fiction" is exaggerated in danganronpa v3. But that's the thing about fiction, isn't it! It uses scenarios that are not real to make points about real things. So, let's play the media literacy game, tumblr. Danganronpa v3 shows us an "outside world" that relies solely on killing game content for its entertainment. The audience accepts that a killing game could be done in real life and they are fine with it. What's the point here?

Without even getting into the fact that the nature of the outside world could be partly a lie due to Tsumugi's bullshit, what's important here is that this is a world whose sense of meaning hinges entirely on the killing game. And the characters of v3, despite that, still manage to make a change in this world. What v3 is saying fundamentally, is that fiction has the power to change people's mentalities, and that changing people's mentalities can change the world. V3 is saying: art can change the world. Art has philosophical and cultural value. Even in the most hopeless situation, this thing that is by all means "fake" is not devoid of meaning. Its fakeness shows the real world where meaning lies.

If you don't think that v3 is the best game in the series, that's fine, we can disagre. If you don't like that v3 is different to the other danganronpa games, that's fine. You're entitled to your preferences. If the themes didn't hit the spot for you, then that's really a shame, honestly. But don't pretend like it had to be like the other games to be something worthwhile. You can have your opinions, but when you make arguments to claim that a piece of media is bad and thematically bankrupt and I find those arguments to be fundamentally flawed, well, I have to bring up the counterarguments.

In summary, v3 is a really good game in delivering its message and themes, independently of their relationship to those of the previous games. It doesn't need to do the same thing as the prior games to have value in itself - and even still, through its purpose in uplifting fiction, it uplifts the previous two games too. It doesn't need to be about a real life institution that sucks to be able to change the world. It certainly changed mine, and I cherish this game despite its many flaws, which are not really relevant to this post.

Now since I sometimes can't tell I really hope the original post was serious because if it wasn't... lmao

my pet theory is that any danganronpa media worth its salt has to be a little bit about a corrupt bullshit orginization and how much it sucks. the first 2 games are literally about how the punitive justice system sucks fucking shit. first game shows this by every blackened having a Reason for kilking outside of "murder yaaayyy," yes even celestia, her desire for money is explained in depth from her free time events and how she grew up, everyone had a Reason. sakura's suicide was the result of societal punitive justice instead of institutional and how people who think their moral outrage is good bc its aimed at the "correct targets" will just end up hurting people. second game takes this even furthur and goes "in the first game, punitive justice was bad because all these people were victims of circumstance. can you keep those same morals when the people being subject to punitive justice ARE actual criminals of their own free will?" with the added part about the nwp explicitly being a rehabilitative justice program. kamukura's inclusion and honestly dr:0 as a whole since the whole catalyst was kamukura is just a little bit about how any kind of exceptionally smart child is propped up as Something Amazing and is basically forced to use that talent for the greater good despite any feelings the child themself may have about it or how stuck they feel or how traumatized or tortured they become in the search for and nurturing of that talent, and any child thats not that is constantly told theyre inferior to the former and Why Cant They Be Like That and are seen as lesser-than by everyone around them. ultra despair girls is also kind of about that with the warriors of hope and their backstories. dr3 and v3 fall short because they are not about that at all. dr3's future arc is a bit stronger than despair because it actually is about an institution that sucks and despair's feels too much like an interpersonal thing and All Junko's Fault when the whole point was junko just took advantage of unrest that was already there. v3 is about an Institution That Sucks however the institution is "what if you loved a murder game so much you made it real" which doesnt fucking happen. you can make approximations like comparisons to true crime, reality tv, and for a more specific example that squid game reality show. but they didnt even kill people on that. v3 is critiquing something that does not measurably exist and also it doesnt connect to even a single theme from the rest of the series. my other pet theory is that kodaka is scared of the number 3 and thats why the ones with 3 in them are like that

[itsmflexx]

sorry tumblr i swear im alive its just uni sucking my soul out.

[avocadorablepirate]

What Do We Call This? - 12

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Pairing: Trafalgar Law x fem!reader

Summary: On a quest to find what you've been looking for, you acquire the help of the Straw Hat pirates, who've agreed to let you temporarily join them. There are however many challenges that come along with your temporary recruitment - an alliance with a certain Trafalgar Law being one of them.

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: fluff, angst, kinda slow burn, swearing, the occasional OP spoiler

A/N: I'm too sleep deprived to proofread the entire final part, so I decided I’d split it. But honestly I don’t know what the heck I’ve written here either.

The next part will probably come out some time during the week, or I’ll just post it next week. Anyway, I hope you like it!

—⁠☆✿☆—⁠

The celebration after the battle should have been a moment of relief for Law. Two Yonko’s had been defeated, thus ending the alliance with the Straw Hats. They had finally accomplished the initial goal of the alliance, and yet Law found it hard to join in on the festivities. His mind was occupied by the tension between you and him. He had tried to approach you several times during the night, only to be met with avoidance, and it was driving him to the edge.

Fortunately, he finally managed to corner you at one of the stalls, and pulled you along to a quiet corner. However, the initial determination that he had felt before talking to you, instantly dissipated at your words.

"Your alliance with the Straw Hats is over. That means you won't be sailing with them any longer." You paused, taking a breath as if gathering the strength to continue, and Law felt a sense of dread wash over him as he braced himself for your next words. "And since I'm onboard their ship, that means we won't be sailing together any longer."

The words hit Law like a punch to the gut—something he had dreaded but always feared would come. However, hearing it aloud was an entirely different matter. The whole reason he had wanted to talk to you was to sort things out, and then gather the courage to ask you to join his crew. He had always hoped that maybe a part of you would have liked to come with him. Now, that hope was shattered.

As you continued, Law watched you avoid his gaze, clearly struggling with your own emotions. His mind raced. He knew you were wrong, that his feelings for you went beyond mere protectiveness. But his words came out in a jumbled rush. "(Y/N)-ya, that's—that's not what I meant—"

You cut him off, shaking your head firmly, and with your final words to him turned and left. Law clenched his fists, frustration and helplessness bubbling inside him. He watched as you walked away, each step feeling like a knife twisting deeper into his heart. He wanted to call out to you, to stop you, but the words were stuck in his throat.

That night, Law found no peace. He wandered the festival with his crew in a daze, his mind replaying your conversation over and over. The celebrations around him felt like a cruel joke, a stark contrast to the turmoil within him. You had said that maybe you would meet in the future, but Law knew that in this line of work, it was very unlikely. The thought of this being the last time he saw you shook him to the core, and he was desparate to do something about it. But what could he do? You had already made up your mind.

_____________________________________________

As Law exchanged “farewells” with Luffy and Kid, he stole a glance at the Thousand Sunny, hoping to see you. But you were already inside the ship, likely avoiding him, or so he assumed. As he boarded his own ship, Bepo approached him, worry plastered across his face, "Captain are you sure we're ready to leave? You said you wouldn't leave without her."

Law gritted his teeth, those hadn't been his exact words when he had told his crew about asking you to join them, but in his heart he knew that was what he meant. Leave it to Bepo, to know exactly what he was thinking.

"Raise the anchor," was all he said as he walked further into the ship.

The Polar Tang set sail, the Thousand Sunny and the Victoria Punk not far from it. As if not already irritated, Eustass' snide remark only seemed to serve as fuel to Law's raging annoyance. Ignoring his crew's protests, Law yanked at the helm, steering the ship towards the very waterfall they had climbed to reach Wano.

While his crew braced for impact, Law stood determined. His thoughts however, drifted to you. Luffy had done the very same thing as him, and just like the Polar Tang, the Thousand Sunny was plunging down the same waterfall. "Strawhat-ya that idiot!" Law muttered under his breath (rather hypocritically). His gaze shifted to the Thousand Sunny, and what he saw left him reeling. In an instant, he summoned a blue orb.

_____________________________________________

You were helping load supplies onto the ship when you heard faint voices come from the harbour below: Kid, Luffy and Law. After your conversation with him at the festival, you had called it an early night and started your morning loading the Sunny to avoid running into him. But now, something urged you to take one last look at Law, to just lean over the railing and catch a glimpse of him. So you did just that.

Law stood next to Luffy, his usual stoic expression in place, except now the dark circles that lined his eyes were all the more prominent. A pang of guilt swept over you, knowing you might be the cause.

"You should go down and say goodbye to him." A voice jolted you away from the railing. Your face flushed when you found Robin standing behind you, a knowing smile on her face as she let out a chuckle. Her eyes sparkled with amusement, making you feel a bit self-conscious.

"What?" you asked, flustered.

"You want to talk to him, don't you?" she said gently, her smile widening as she watched your reaction.

"We already did last night," you muttered, trying to hide your unease. You looked away, focusing on the supplies in front of you.

"A real man would say goodbye to you again," Franky chimed in from behind a stack of crates, and despite yourself, you let out a soft laugh. You went back to your task, trying to push away any thoughts that made you question your decision. But as you lifted another crate, you couldn't help but steal another glance over the railing. Law was walking away from Luffy and to his ship, figure slowly disappearing from your view.

The Thousand Sunny set sail, and you busied yourself with organizing the remaining supplies, lost in thought, and completely unaware of Kid's taunting remarks. It wasn't until you heard Usopp and Chopper pleading with Luffy that you snapped out of it.

"What's going on?" You approached Sanji, who watched the pair desparately try to hold back Luffy from the helm. Before he could respond the roar of water filled your ears, and your heart raced with fear as the ship suddenly plummeted.

Instinctively, you grabbed onto the nearest stable object, which happened to be Sanji. Clinging to him in fear for your life, you left the cook stunned.

Luckily, the Sunny landed safely in the waters below. You sighed in relief as you released Sanji and fell to your knees, desperately trying to catch your breath.

"(Y/N)-chan~," you heard Sanji gleefully call out to you moments later, though his voice sounded almost muffled. The next thing you heard was Sanji cursing at Law. As you looked up to see what was the cause of his irritation, a familiar sensation washed over you - a feeling of displacement. You shut your eyes in fear as you felt nothing beneath you, bracing for impact. But instead of a rough hardwood floor or the cold ocean water, you felt a pair of arms around your waist and back.

You opened your eyes to find yourself aboard the Polar Tang, in Law's arms. His grip was firm, and his eyes held a mix of frustration and desperation. For a moment, you were lost in his intense gaze, but reality quickly set in.

"Tra! Give her back!"

"What are you doing?" you exclaimed, trying to wriggle out of his hold. "You can't just teleport me here!"

Law set you down, his eyes locking onto yours. "I'm not going to let you go with them," he stated firmly, leaving no room for argument. "The Straw Hats don’t understand how your powers work. If you go with them you'll keep hurting yourself, pushing yourself until it's too late." Law's expression hardened. "I won’t let you go," he said, his voice laced with determination.

You took a step back, shaking your head. "This isn't your decision to make. Transport me back to the Sunny," you demanded.

Law remained silent, his eyes never leaving yours. His jaw tightened, and it became clear that he had no intention of complying. Frustration bubbled up inside you. You glanced behind, seeing the Sunny getting farther away.

"Send me back now," you said, your voice resolute, but Law shook his head. "It's too far now. Stay on the Polar Tang."

Not wanting to hear anymore protests, Law turned away, leaving you on the deck, and headed into the sub, instructing his crew to follow. Only Ikkaku stayed behind. She approached you with a somber expression, offering a hug when she saw your tear-filled eyes.

"C'mon, let's get you some tea."

She led you to the kitchen, sitting you down at the table before making a cup of tea. Once it was ready, Ikkaku sat beside you, gently nudging you to get your attention when she noticed you staring blankly at the table.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked noting your pained expression. Her question was enough to break you - opening the flood gates. You buried your head in your hands, trying to hide your tears, but Ikkaku had already noticed, pulling you into another hug as she stroked your back in comfort.

As you clung to her, your shoulders shaking with each sob, the weight of your frustration and helplessness poured out. It wasn't just about being left on the Polar Tang; it was the feeling of having no control, of being swept along by decisions made without you. Ikkaku's steady presence and gentle touch were the only anchors you had in that moment of emotional turbulence. The warmth of her embrace slowly began to calm the storm inside you, bit by bit.

After a while, you managed to pull yourself together, your breathing becoming steadier. Ikkaku didn't rush you, allowing you to take the time you needed. She continued to sit beside you, her hand soothingly rubbing your back.

"Why does he have to make things so difficult," you mumbled, sucking in a breath as you tried to calm yourself.

Ikkaku handed you the steaming cup, her expression sympathetic. "He's just worried about you. But I admit, he should have handled it differently."

Once you had managed to regulate your breathing you took a sip of the tea, the warmth soothing you slightly. "I get that he's worried, but he can't just force me to stay here. It’s not fair."

Ikkaku nodded, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. "I know, and I'm sure Law knows too. He just let his feelings cloud his judgment."

You looked down at your cup, your emotions swirling. A silence settled between you, broken only by the soft hum of the submarine.

"Hey, why don't you get some sleep for now. We can figure this out tomorrow," Ikkaku suggested, finally breaking the silence. She hesitated, but added, "Maybe we can find a way to get you back to the Straw Hats," she said with a small smile, and you tried to offer her one as well, feeling a bit of the weight lift off your shoulders, despite knowing that it would probably be months before you saw the Straw Hat pirates again. "Thank you, Ikkaku."

Unbeknownst to you, Law had been listening. After talking to his crew, he had intended to retreat to his quarters to collect his thoughts. However, as he passed by the kitchen he heard the sound of crying, and he couldn't bring himself to walk away, stopping at the door when he recognised your voice alongside Ikkaku’s. He quietly listened to your conversation, and his heart sank when he heard your words, immediately regretting the pain he had caused you.

As footsteps approached the kitchen door, Law swiftly stepped back, attempting to compose himself. He debated leaving but hesitated, knowing you were about to exit. Moments later, you emerged from the kitchen, your eyes red and swollen from tears, and you locked gazes with him.

"(Y/N)-ya," he began, his voice strained with regret, but you cut him off.

"Don't," you said, voice hoarse. "I don't want to hear it. "

You turned away from him, heading towards your cabin, and Law watched with a heavy heart, tempted to pull you back. But he stopped himself, hoping that if he gave you your space, eventually he could explain himself to you, and you would understand.

_____________________________________________

A/N: I hope the next part doesn’t seem too rushed considering it’s the ending :/

taglist: @trafalgardaria @deathsmajestysworld @cottoncandyloverrrr @magnificenttaledreamland @kitsunechan707

[castle-of-ruin]

A/N: Hi! So, this story has been in the works forever. I've always wanted to write for Deacon. I've always wanted to write Bodyguard!Deacon specifically. It's something I've thought about from the very beginning of my journey with Swat. I find it important to clarify that this is an au. The events that take place in this story are completely and utterly my own. They are made up and not true. I hope that, as readers, you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Rating: 18+ MDNI

Pairing: Bodyguard!Deacon x f!Reader

Reminder: This is a bodyguard au. It in no way relates to the actual plot of Swat.

Warnings: mentions of injuries, violence, death threats. There are no explicit descriptions of the readers' body type or other features. Brief use of the word 'her', reader is not named, and there is no use of y/n. Mutual pining, use of the word sweetheart.

Other characters: Jim Street, Dominique Luca, Daniel "Hondo" Harrelson

Word Count - 3.2k

Author's Note 2: If I forgot any content warnings please let me know. Once again I hope anyone who reads this story enjoys you. Feedback, reblogs, comments, likes are all welcome and much appreciated. I'm really putting myself out there by posting this story. It's personal and something I'm so passionate about. Happy Reading!!

Disclaimer: I do not condone people taking my work and reposting it as their own. Do not steal my work.

Adding some visual inspiration for the people who care💕

In the Beginning 

When you first began working with criminals, you never expected your life to be threatened. Sure, there were risks of taking a job like this, but all you were asked to do was to determine whether or not a person was classified as fit to go to trial. That meant oftentimes you had to postpone hearings and trials due to a person's mental capacity. 

You understood how upsetting it could be and you understood why people would blame you for justice not being brought forward. It was easy to empathize with those people, but it didn't mean your life needed to be in danger. 

The first night your life was threatened you were just getting home from a grueling day in the office. Your feet ached and your stomach grumbled. Upon your arrival home you found a note taped to your front door. You tilted your head inspecting the letter before you ripped it off the door. Bile rose in your throat as you read the letter. 

I will kill you for what you've done 

The note was scribbled haphazardly and hardly legible, but you were well aware of what it said. Never in your four years of working had you needed to go to the cops. People you'd worked with time and time again. 

The Los Angeles Police Department was unhelpful when it came to answering your pleas. It wasn't until you went to your childhood friend Jim Street that you were finally heard. 

You hadn't seen Jim in over 3 years. After he left for swat the two of you hadn't had much time to get together anymore. You spoke occasionally, but had no time to really see each other anymore. 

When you showed up at his door he was surprised to see you. The greeting was cut short, you were rushed and scared. As you explained everything to Jim, Luca, Jim's roommate and coworker listened carefully. He was actively trying to think of a way to get you helped out. 

"What about Deac's security business?" He piped in. 

The two of them looked at one another.

They spoke briefly to one another about their old coworker. Explaining to you how Deacon departed from SWAT and took up doing security details full time. You nodded as you listened to them. It wasn't a bad idea, but you didn't know how long it would be before something would take place. 

As if they heard you in your head they had already made the phone call. Luca spoke briefly with someone on the phone, you assumed it was Deacon. Jim smiled softly at you, trying his best to give you some kind of comfort. 

You stayed with Jim and Luca while you waited for Deacon to arrive. You felt safe with them and you took advantage of the opportunity to rest. With eyes closed you lulled to sleep for the first time in days. 

Your slumber was rudely interrupted by a warm hand on your shoulder. The action made you jump, and your eyes searched for the culprit. Jim smiled at you sheepishly, apologizing with his eyes more so than with words. 

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He told you. 

"It's okay, just, jumpy is all." He nodded his head in understanding. 

"He's here." Jim stated. 

You got up and followed Jim out of the den and back into the living room. Luca talked to another man, you assumed it was Deacon. 

Luca turned when he saw you come into the room. His face lit up, he had already accepted you as one of his people. 

"Hey Deac, this is her." He patted the man on the shoulder and he turned to face you and Jim. 

You hadn't paid him much attention before he turned, but you were shocked to say the least. He was a surprisingly handsome man, and it made your heart pound in your chest. 

In the few seconds before Luca introduced the two of you, you allowed your eyes to trace over him. The hair on his head was mostly gray aside from the occasional dark strand here and there, his beard joined in the majority of gray. The black t-shirt he wore hid no ounce of his muscled form. You wondered if he wore a shirt two sizes too small on purpose.

A clearing of a throat disturbed your thoughts. You blinked rapidly and pulled your eyes away from Deacon. Luca introduced the two of you and you shook Deacon's hand. Heat creeped up your neck as he stared down at you, with a soft smile. 

The smile slowly faded and he crossed his arms over his chest becoming serious. 

"Luca tells me you need some protection? Care to explain the story to me a little bit?" He asked. 

You nodded, and took a seat on Luca and Jim's couch. You explained the story to him as thoroughly as you could. Jim grabbed your shoulder in comfort a couple of times when the emotions overwhelmed you. 

"This isn't the usual detail my team and I take on, but you're a friend of a friend. I'll make sure you're safe. I'll work on this personally." He nodded to you and to Jim. 

Tears welled in your eyes. 

"Thank you Deacon." He smiled and nodded again. 

"Of course. Now, first things first. You need a safe house of some sort while I work with my team to track down the people after you. Is there somewhere you can think of that won't be public knowledge?" He asked you. 

You thought about it for a moment before you nodded. 

"I do.”

Present 

The cabin air was frigid as you made your way back inside. Placing the firewood in its rightful place you take a piece and set it on the fire. Rubbing your hands together you enjoy the warmth seeping into your skin. A car pulling into the driveway draws your attention away from the fire. 

Getting up you make your way to the window on high alert. Your guard falls when you spot Deacon getting out of his car. You watch as he scans the area before coming to the front door. He knocks twice on the door and you go over to it to open it. 

When he enters he hands you the bag in his hand. 

"What's this?" You ask. 

Deacon smiles softly, "Dessert." He states and you peer inside. 

Your smile widens upon seeing apple pie and vanilla ice cream in the bag. 

"Damn, Deacon, I'm surprised you got something so unhealthy." You laugh. 

He shakes his head, "I eat ice cream." 

"Doesn't look like it." You mutter to yourself. 

"What did you say?" He asks. 

"Nothing. Ignore me." You shake your head. 

Taking the bag into the kitchen you unload everything into the freezer.  You notice dishes still left over from this morning in the sink and go over to wash them. Under the running water your thoughts drift over the past 2 months. 

It felt like nothing was happening. You felt stuck, and frozen. Like a prisoner with nowhere else to go. This was meant to be for your own protection, but being stuck in your family's old cabin in the woods was driving you to madness. Plus, being stuck here with Deacon, alone for all hours of the day was testing every amount of strength and willpower you have. Which was just about none when it came to the older man. 

Since the beginning of month 2 things have felt different between the two of you. In month one Deacon wouldn't even sit on the same couch as you. He always sat in the chair furthest from you at the small table in the dining room, and he never looked at you for a moment more than necessary. 

Now, something was different.

He sits next to you on the couch and actually joins you when you watch tv. Now, he doesn't hide his lingering gaze, nor does he sit in the chair furthest from you when you eat. The subtle changes in his behavior drove you mad. 

From the very beginning you were heavily attracted to him. Now, even more so. 

"Hey," Deacon's voice draws you from your thoughts. 

"You okay?" He asks. Coming forward and leaning against the counter. 

Your eyes are drawn to the way his arms bulge as he crosses his arms over his chest. You gulp and look away. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

He chuckles and leans forward, your breath catches in your throat as you look up at him. He switches the water off and leans back against the counter. You let out a breath and close your eyes. 

"You were washing the same dish for 10 minutes. Obviously something is wrong." He states. 

"10 minutes?" You ask and he nods. 

You let out a deep sigh and grip the edge of the sink. Tears well in your eyes and you decide not to hold them back any longer. You let yourself cry and put your head in your hands as you lean on the sink. Deacon touches your back and you allow yourself to lean into it. He rubs soothing circles on your back and allows you to cry. 

After a while you sniffle and wipe your face. 

"I'm sorry." You wipe at your eyes and look over at him. 

His smile is sad as he looks at you. Deacon swipes a stray tear from your cheeks and cups your face in his hand. He leans in as if he's going to kiss you but, then the moment is broken when something clicks in his head and he pulls away clearing his throat. 

"Don't be sorry. I'm gonna go contact my team. See if there's any updates." With that he exits the kitchen. 

Fuck. You think to yourself.

For the rest of the day Deacon avoided you like the plague. It made you feel even worse than you already did. Loneliness pangs in your chest as you sit on the couch and aimlessly scroll through the channels. 

Deacon busts into the room and you jump. 

"We have to go now." He states, throwing your jacket at you. 

Jumping to your feet you throw the jacket on and follow Deacon to the back of the cabin. You grip his jacket tightly in your hand trying to stay close to him. He turns and looks at you, pressing one of his fingers to his lips. 

He opens the door quietly and inches out slowly. Deacon grasps your hand in his and drags you out into the woods. The two of you run for a while before he stops. 

"You see that ridge up there?" He asks pointing. 

"Yes," You pause looking at him. 

"Go. Get up there and hide. Don't come out until I come get you." He instructs. 

You grip his arm. "Deacon, what if you don't come back?" 

He grips his phone in his back pocket and places it in your hands. 

"Call, Street. Tell him where we are. Tell him to send the team." He states. 

You nod, with tear filled eyes, and trembling lips. Releasing his hand you take off up the hill and hide. Pulling Deacons phone out of your pocket you dial Jim. 

"Hey Deac," 

"Jim, it's me. Deacon told me to tell you to send the team. Hurry Jim. I'm scared." You sob. 

"Where are you?" He rushes out. 

"Near the Oregon border." You stutter out. 

"Keep the line open, we're tracking Deac's phone." You nod, but he can't see you. 

Gunshots could be heard in the distance. Tears fall freely now, rolling down your cheeks. 

"Got it, we're on the way. Stay hidden." He urges and the line goes dead. 

You pull your knees as close to your body as you can trying to hide away in the dark nook. The gunshots fade in the distance and your heart races faster. Every part of you wants to run and see if Deacon was okay, but you listened and stayed put.

After what felt like forever a helicopter could be heard overhead. Staying in your hiding spot you close your eyes and hope they make it to you soon. You were freezing. 

After a few more minutes you could hear voices and footsteps. Some shouting out how many people were dead, others asking where Deacon was. You heard Jim's voice in the distance calling for you. Now you got up from your hiding spot and went tumbling down the hill. You ran as fast as you could back in the direction of the cabin. 

"Jim!" You yell his name when you finally see him. 

He comes running towards you and you slam into him. Hugging him tightly, tears once again falling freely. His hand goes to the back of your head as he holds you close. 

When you pull away you search his eyes seeing if they hold anything. 

"Where's Deacon?" You ask. 

There it was. Jim averts his eyes from you for a brief moment. Something the normal eye would never pick up. You grip his arm tightly. 

"Jim please, tell me." You beg.

"He's alive, but he's been shot. Plus some other injuries. He wasn't conscious when we wheeled him out of here." He tells you truthfully. 

Your shoulders sag. "Is he going to be okay?" You ask. 

"We don't know yet. Come on, let's get you out of here." Jim wraps his arm around you. 

"But, it's not safe." You stop. 

"It is now. Has he not told you?" Jim asks. 

You tilt your head. "What do you mean?" 

"Deacon, and his team were able to locate the men who threatened your life. He had me, Hondo and the rest of the team go in and take them down." He pauses for a moment. 

"Some got away. They had found your location and we couldn't get to them before they left. We were just barely able to warn Deacon before they showed up." He finishes. 

You haven't cried this much since your childhood pet died when you were 16. A part of you died that day with him. Now, here you were crying over a man you may never get to see again because he too might be dead.

Jim leads you to the helicopter and helps you get in the seat before doing so himself. You watch the land below get smaller and darker the higher into the air you go. Jim grabs your hand and squeezes it for a moment. You know it was him trying to comfort you. Jim had never been good at that. 

Being able to go back to your home felt wrong. It was crazy to think that two months living in the unknown would change your entire view on your life. You desperately want to go to the hospital to see Deacon. Make sure he's okay for yourself, or see for yourself he's not okay. 

Jim agrees to take you to the hospital. Upon arrival you notice how many people were there for Deacon. He was held in high regard amongst his former teammates. It was a sight to see. 

Someone calls your name and you look in the direction of the voice. The man you knew as Hondo approaches you. 

"We've heard a lot about you. It's nice to finally meet you." He tells you with a genuine smile. 

You nod, unable to form words of any kind. Your throat was sore and scratchy. Making it feel impossible to speak at the moment. You need water. Once again reading your mind, Jim appears with a bottle of water in hand. You smile thankfully at him. 

"Thanks." You croak out.

You find a seat and wait with the rest of the people in the waiting room. The hours tick by as all of you wait for an update on Deacon. 

Three hours after you get to the hospital a doctor comes out of the OR doors. Everyone stands, and the doctor's eyes widen. 

"Are all of you here for Mr. Kay?" He asks. 

Everyone nods. The doctor takes his glasses off and wipes them before adjusting them to his face once more. 

"He's going to be fine. Recovery will suck, but he will recover. Gunshot wound, cracked ribs, fractured arm, the list goes on. It's a good thing he has all of you." He nods. 

"Can we see him?" Your quiet voice pokes through the crowd. 

"It's after visiting hours, but I can allow one of you back." He states.

You expect someone to go back and see him, but when no one does you step forward. Jim nods at you. You found it odd the people who have known Deacon the longest would allow someone who's only known him for two months be with him while in this position. 

The doctor nods and gestures for you to follow him. He leads you down the hall of hospital rooms and stops when he reaches Deacon's door. 

"I'll have them bring in some blankets and pillows. If you don't plan to stay, let me know." He states. 

"No, I'm staying." He nods and leaves. 

You examine the small hospital room. The monitor beeps to the rhythm of Deacon's heart. This is the first time you've seen him in over 5 hours. You weren't sure if you ever would. 

Taking him in you frown at the sight of him. A bandage on his left cheekbone, busted lip, a splint on his right arm. He was a mess, all because he was protecting you. 

You pull the chair over to him and sit down beside him. 

"Damn you, Deacon." You whisper. 

You grab his open hand into your own, looping your thumb around his. He didn't close his hand around yours, but that didn't matter. Feeling his pulse thump in his wrist was enough. You lean your head down and place it on the bed, closing your eyes. Allowing yourself to take in his warmth. Meaning he was very much alive. 

A nurse enters the room and gives you a soft smile before setting up the small bed in the corner of the room. You silently thank her. Your eyes snap to Deacon when you feel his fingers wrap about your hand. 

His eyes are just barely open as he looks at you. 

"I'm sorry." He croaks out. 

"Sorry? Why are you sorry." You raise your eyebrows at him. 

"Scaring you." 

"Deac, you saved my life. You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who needs to apologize. I'm the reason you almost died." You grip his hand tighter. 

He laughs, then groans in pain. 

"It was my job sweetheart. You don't have to apologize either." He reassures you.

"I guess we both need to stop apologizing." You laugh out. 

"I guess so." He gives a small smile. 

You rub his arm softly and he watches you do so. 

"You should get some rest." You tell him as you stand up. 

He watches as you lean over and press a kiss to his cheek. Your breath catches in your throat as you linger a moment longer contemplating things in your head. His beard scratches your cheek as you loop your arm around his neck in an awkward hug. 

"I'll be right here if you need me." You tell him. 

He nods. Flicking the light in the hospital room off you make your way to the small bed in the corner and try to sleep. 

"Goodnight Deac." 

"Goodnight Sweetheart.”

Tagging a few who may want to read it : @obiknights @chelseasdagger @streakyglasses

A big big thank you to @spnshortcake for encouraging me to post this. I'm grateful for you. Thank you love ❤️.

[hestzhyen]

Chapter 39 Doomish Hope Posting

Hi internet void. I've got bachi on the brain again.

Chapter 39 is the "if they aren't soulmates I'll eat every hat I own" moment of the series. Also seems like the "Hakuri will be shelved once the mission is done" chapter, which is a fucking shame. But I will remain calm(ish) and wait for Hokazono-sensei to finish cooking. So we start off with some really nice foreshadowing coupled with a little continuity update. Mr. Inazuma found his way to Char and Hinao and sees some of the folks from the storehouse get dropped off at the entrance, but his sister isn't among them. Hmm. Then, we switch back to the fight and see our precious Hakuri struggling. He's got a free-flowing nosebleed and a splitting headache trying to keep up with his dad's manipulation of the subspace. And hey look, some more foreshadowing. (Hint: Kyoura isn't talking to Chihiro full time here.)

Yet once again Kyoura underestimates his son...

… while Chihiro's faith never wavers. Once more, despite nothing being said between them, they fight in perfect harmony.

Aaaaah. THESE GUYS. They've known each other for weeks at most and they're already doing this mad OP shit? Hakuri awakened to his storehouse powers less than an hour ago and he's already copying his dad's techniques to match Chihiro's fighting style? Chihiro fucking yeeted Enten at Kyoura without a word and Hakuri instantly understood that he needed to teleport him to the other side to catch it, then create a hologram for a fake-out so Chihiro could land the blow? Are you KIDDING ME? Our color-coded protagonist/foil pair are acting as one already? Hokazono-sensei's gotta slow down or we won't have anything left to explore with them.

Maybe that's the intention, though.

The little flashback where young Hakuri tells his father that "I'm gonna become a leader who surpasses you!" is a huge moment in the chapter for two reasons. First, the emotional catharsis that I'll rant about later. Second, the next potential bit of foreshadowing. When Hakuri initially met Chihiro, his stated goal was to end the Rakuzaichi, which we took him at his word for. He didn't know he was actually the second coming of Sazanami Jesus and neither did we. But that single panel recontextualized everything. If Hakuri hadn't been deemed worthless and disowned, the Toukuri AU could have been pretty close to canon. He's actually a very ambitious guy- no wonder he was so dogged about getting Chihiro to help him! Obviously, his goal shifted from "become a better leader than my father" to "burn it all down" at some point during the time where he was abused. But what if he never fully let go of that dream?

We see that the Sazanami family is huge and powerful enough that even the government treads lightly around them. So it's not a stretch to think that Sazanamis will be able to continue on even without Kyoura as long as they have a capable leader. Someone perhaps a bit more reform-minded to keep the government off their back while they adjust to a new way of doing things. A guy who's too stubborn to quit and powerful enough to quell the critics; a legitimate heir who invokes the legend of their progenitor's genius, perhaps. Someone who has a deeply personal stake in erasing the legacy they were all groomed to protect. So yeah, Hakuri could very easily get wrapped up in his family's business while Chihiro moves on. Not to say he would never be relevant again- the storehouse ability alone practically guarantees he's sticking around in some capacity (gotta have a safe place to keep those WMDs and all). But I'm steeling myself for seeing a lot less of this lethal cinnamon roll in a few chapters.

Ideally for me at least, Hakuri and Chihiro end the Rakuzaichi and let the government step in to take care of the aftermath. Hakuri, being disowned and having completed his revenge, decides to stay with Chihiro to help him on his own journey. And wouldn't it just be so sweet if much later on Chihiro adopts him into his family register so Hakuri has a last name he can be proud of? But the very real chance of Hakuri being sidelined is preventing me from full investment right now. It all depends on the themes Hokazono-sensei is intending to impart with this arc.

The theme of reforming your family's violent legacy is obviously deeply resonant with Chihiro's current mission. The two of them have basically speedran the development from strangers to soulmates so that this could happen. I just don't understand why we'd do all of this relationship upgrading in a single arc if Hakuri was meant to stick around and grow with Chihiro y'know? What could possibly be left open for them after this? Wouldn't it be too OP to keep them together when they're already silently dancing through battles in perfect sync? They've already reached peak combat effectiveness or close to it. And though Hakuri's family issues are very likely to still be an albatross around his neck, those are for him to tackle now that he's found his strength; Chihiro's got other things to focus on. Leaving the arc with Hakuri posed to reform the Sazanamis would be a worthy culmination of his story. At this point he's practically used goods (narratively speaking)! Chihiro learned a lesson and made a friend. Time for something new… maybe checking in on the Kamunabi? A little downtime before finding the next sword? Either way, Hakuri doesn't need to be there when he could be rehabilitating his family's image and purpose. Unless…

He's used to explore the theme of healing from tragedy as the heroine.

Yes I'm spouting my bullshit again and yes I'm very fucking serious about this. My clown suit is freshly dry-cleaned and neatly laid out because I could easily be wrong but I think (hope) I'm not. Mostly because it seems like Hokazono-sensei wants to keep showing us glimpses of Chihiro's true feelings under his hardened persona. Very smart thing to do in order to get readers invested beyond his badass action stunts and tragic backstory. But we need someone to bounce off of him and be a direct contrast or else we're stuck with lonely ol' :| Chihiro all the time. (I love the deadpan gags but they won't stay fresh forever if that's the only joke to make with him.) We need a real companion for him that's on his level. Chihiro's so far skewed into expressionless determinator outside of battle that he desperately needs a polar opposite to help mellow him out. I raved like a lunatic about it already so I won't retread all that… but if Hakuri isn't a color-coded foil to balance out Chihiro's extreme personality then fuck me for thinking I'm somewhat media literate, I guess. We need Hakuri for levity and being able to relate to Chihiro. Poor guy desperately needs a friend to help pull him out of his own head. If Char is there for protection, and Shiba to guide him, Hakuri should be there for him to grow with in an emotional sense. Someone he can start opening up to in quiet moments.

The memers got it badly wrong assuming that Chihiro was a one-dimensional revenge bot- he's actually a sensitive guy carrying a lot of pain he can't express. Not to Char (small child), not to Shiba, Azami, or Hinao (adults he's emotionally closed off from). It's gotta be a peer like Hakuri who will eventually be able to sit by his side and help him. We've seen the magic of Hakuri's presence already- Chihiro admitting he was fearful of Shinuchi being misused in the elevator scene, helping him overcome his doubts about using Enten, and later helping him let Enten go. Yuge stuff for guys that just met each other, don't you think? Then it was followed by all that soulmate-coded stuff in the raid… It would be awful for Chihiro to lose the friend he can confide in. So if the story pulls them apart my heart will break a little bit, yeah. There's so much more Hakuri can do just by being there for Chihiro in a way no one else can right now. Chihiro needs his heroine to be vulnerable with, so let it be the guy who's already done the heavy lifting! Hakuri's a sturdy guy, after all- I'm sure he can handle being comic relief and emotional support.

Alright. HakuHiro delusions aside, I'm also going absolutely apeshit over the parallels being drawn here during the chapter. Feral. Certifiably insane. Cannot stop myself from jizzing all over the goddamn place. If Hokazono-sensei can keep this quality storytelling through Kagurabachi's entire run it'll be a fucking masterpiece.

I mentioned at the start that Mr. Inazuma's sister was used to foreshadow that the fight between Kyoura and team HakuHiro wouldn't end decisively this chapter. Her situation won't be resolved until the Rakuzaichi is completely over with, so that catharsis will have to wait. What we did get is absolutely stellar though. Kyoura definitely got the ultimate comeuppance for constantly underestimating Hakuri, too. The dialogue and inner thoughts leading up to this were a work of art- the reveal of Hakuri promising to overtake his dad as a kid and finally doing just that after being deemed worthless is mega satisfying (and another sign his arc is complete, but I choose to live in delulu land). However, it was the Daddy Issues theme that really stole the show for me this chapter.

Chihiro's conversation with Kyoura really drives home the irreconcilable differences they have on what it means to be a father, or even a family in the first place:

The Sazanamis are just a "clan" to Kyoura. A group of people dedicated to hosting the Rakuzaichi before anything else. Blood ties are only worthwhile for passing down Isou and the storehouse ability; there's no love lost between any member. And Chihiro most definitely does not agree with that mentality. We're constantly reminded of his rebuke about Kyoura's "best" being belief in Hakuri for a reason...

... because he is the antithesis of everything Chihiro believes a father should be. Chihiro's got some personal beef with this guy beyond reclaiming Shinuchi after seeing how he treats his kids. (This guy gets attached to people and starts killing for them right away if they've got dead or abusive parents… we love to see that empathy being manifested as murderous intent.)

This sequence killed me though:

Kyoura is paying the ultimate price for not loving his kids like a real father should. He's fucking toast because he stopped believing in Hakuri. Chihiro's outlook is validated in this victory, as is Hakuri's entire existence. Obviously there's a lot more still going on with the auction itself but it's almost mission accomplished and emotional catharsis achieved for Hakuri. Then we see the biggest message of this arc so far when Kyoura hides himself in the floor to keep the auction going at all costs… fanatical devotion at the expense of love leads to a Bad End. It's sad to see this guy put his whole being into selling a sword, man. He's dying and his only thought is to finish the auction. Not to seek help from his kids or even check on them, not to spare some dying words for Hakuri or the Tou or anyone else. He doesn't even question the life he lived that led to this point like you'd seen in other manga- Kyoura isn't shaken one bit by his untimely demise. He only cares about giving the highest bidder their merchandise.

That's the lesson here for Chihiro. He's hellbent on revenge right now- gather the swords, fuck up the Hishaku clan that killed his father. But losing himself in it will leave him no better off than Kyoura; even if he succeeds, he'll die alone in the end. His devotion to revenge is as strong as Kyoura's is to hold the auction. Both are rooted in their family's ideals and upbringing as well. Chihiro's saving grace is that he was raised with love and knows how to care. Forgetting all that, or giving that up to see his plans through will be a bad sign for his development. The people close to him will have to keep him centered or else he'll see the same terrible end (as much as it's possible; he's a very sad and broken boy). And we the reader will expect someone to be there to remind him of his humanity if he starts to show shades of this in future arcs. This very chapter, Hakuri had to encourage Chihiro to kill his dad even after he'd already asked him to do it- Chihiro's a kind guy even when he's in a fight to the death. This is precious. He can't lose this quality- we should be very alert for anything that hints at him starting to do so, because that will be the start of a very, very rough arc for him.

What about Hakuri? Well, he's been thoroughly vindicated ever since he awakened to his abilities; this whole raid has been his self-redemption arc. His character will probably be pretty complete once this is done, though there are lots of avenues to explore with him if Hokazono-sensei hears our pleas and keeps him around. He could have lingering trauma that needs to be healed- killing his dad won't help him escape his own demons after all. He's got a learning curve ahead to master his newfound abilities too. And perhaps even after finding his strength, he's still too hard on himself and needs someone to keep pushing him forward. Maybe once his life's mission is done he'll struggle with some dark emotions and need someone to help pull him out. There are plenty of little things to delve into with him to help us gain more insight into Chihiro! Please I'm so desperate to keep him around Hokazono-sensei for the love of god don't separate these boys. They're perfect supports for each other and as we all know, boys who suffer together should find solace together. If Azami/Shiba and Hiyuki/Tafuku can be foil pairs so can Hakuri/Chihiro! (Fuck me, I'm too invested already…)

Anyway. Kagurabachi continues to be peak fiction and I can't wait for what we'll see next week. If Hakuri becomes a permanent crew member I will glady put the clown suit away and start huffing copium that we'll see enough success to get an anime adaptation. I might even start writing fan fiction again (horror). If not, well... he'll still be dear to my heart. Peace out Bachibros who read this nonsense and stay tenoí.

[lunanoc]

first tentative meta post about wu xie my beloved, more specifically about his characterization in his less than stellar moments, sparked by a discussion with @thelaithlyworm about whether or not the lost tomb 2.5 is in character for wu xie according to the books. i figured i'd take the rest of my thoughts to a separate post since our exchange was clogging up poor OP’s replies, and because i feel like a difference in opinion like this is worth being made public if only so people can get both sides of a rare discussion about the books and reach their own conclusions, so for those who are interested here’s a link to the original post where this discussion takes place in the replies if you'd like the full context. sorry in advance for how long this will likely be, and i hope there's no problem with me directly tackling some of the arguments that were made in favor of lost tomb 2.5 being an accurate adaptation of book wu xie's characterization, which is a take i strongly disagree with

i think much of the problem in the discussion simply lies in the fact that we seem to have fundamentally different interpretations of wu xie’s character in the books, because as i see it, none of the insistences that were quoted prove that wu xie has ever acted the way he does in 2.5 in the books—if anything, they disprove it. the quote from ch. 92 of sand sea that was brought up goes as follows:

this is where i believe the problem of different interpretations is at play, and to be fair some of it is ambiguous so there is some leeway, but i read this recollection very differently from how @thelaithlyworm seems to. as i see it, wu xie is recalling a time where pangzi, understandably concerned about his friend because he sees the toll the sha hai plan is taking on wu xie, and the lengths he’s having to go to in order to set it in motion, tells him it’s not too late to stop and turn back. to which wu xie replies that even if he had decided to stop and live his life blissfully unaware of the extent of the wangs' reach and their machinations, things would have caught up to him eventually given they’d infiltrated the jiumen to the extent they had.

“and at that time you’ll have already left me one by one, leaving me to foolishly face those fists” is the most ambiguous as to what exactly it's referring to, but i personally see it as referencing either the fact wu xie and his friends would have by then eventually drifted apart or they'd have stopped giving him their support should he have decided to ignore the truth and sit around doing nothing, or more sinisterly, would have potentially all been replaced by then if there hadn't been a plan in motion. it's likely a little bit of both. to which pangzi replies that he’s right, conceding and agreeing that wu xie never truly had a choice about his involvement to begin with, which is more or less the entire point of sand sea and the wider narrative of the main story.

no part of this conversation is reminiscent of the open conflict between them in 2.5 in that neither of them here are angry, and neither of them are even aggressive or antagonistic towards each other or in general. this is quite a calm if resigned conversation wu xie is recalling that also fits the overall cynical tone of the chapter itself, and wu xie’s certainly not acting out and pushing his friends away in a bid to deal with everything himself. if anything the entire point of sand sea is to show that despite each character acting independently, the sha hai plan only succeeded because they worked together and not alone, and that wu xie needed his support system to create an invisible yet tangilble network that could take down the wangs. so no part of this particular passage reads as though pangzi is saying he ever considered bailing on wu xie because of his behavior, and even if that were the case, it would still be referring to a hypothetical situation and not their current one.

wang meng's behavior in ten years later is also not the greatest example to use as an argument to prove 2.5 wu xie’s characterization is present in the books, mostly because it's actually wang meng himself who's more so the one acting like that than wu xie himself. wang meng, in his concern for wu xie, tries to guilt trip him into letting go of his obsession with xiaoge, and he is the one who instigates a conflict with wu xie that culminates in him staging xiaoge's "death" as a last ditch effort once spewing bottled up vitriol at wu xie and threatening to take over wushanju don't work.

it's however misguided at best given that not only did all of wu xie's close friends who participated in the sha hai plan agree to do so willingly (i’m of course not talking about li cu and co among others who very much did not consent) and so accusing wu xie of having coerced them takes away from their own agency, but the sha hai plan was a necessity beyond freeing xiaoge, which is something wang meng fails to understand. wang meng makes the mistake many people in the fandom do of pinning wu xie’s determination to see that plan through solely on his desire to free xiaoge, and of course that’s an important part of it, but the narrative makes a point of building up over the course of the main books and tibetan sea flower that wu xie’s entire family was at stake as well, and had been for several generations, so on a personal level it went beyond xiaoge alone. but again, whatever truth there is to wang meng’s words (which is an interesting but entirely different topic) still doesn’t make it true that wu xie was either actively petty or vitriolic towards his friends as a way to vent his own frustrations.

several moments in which wu xie objectively does terrible things or acts horribly were listed as a way of justifying that his behavior in 2.5 is in character and in line with how he acts in the books. and of course these moments do happen, and it's very true in sand sea especially that wu xie does terrible things (it's part of what makes him such an interesting character). but again, this argument feels somewhat in bad faith in that it conflates all negative behavior and traits together regardless of what specific shape those negative behaviors take in order to justify that his portrayal in 2.5 is faithful to the books simply because he displays negative behavior in that adaptation, completely disregarding that his less than stellar actions and emotions aren't expressed in the same ways in the books and in 2.5. my dislike of wu xie in 2.5 doesn't stem from him doing unlikeable things, otherwise i wouldn't like wu xie as a character in general. wu xie absolutely does do a lot of terrible things in sand sea especially, but the inherent problem with 2.5 is that none of the things he does or the way he acts in the books ever lines up with the specific way he acts in 2.5. 

in the books, even before sand sea, yes wu xie is manipulative (re: threatening bodily harm to himself to force wu erbai into sharing information with him), yes he cut up bodies and sent them to li cu among other extremely morally questionable things, yes he kidnapped li cu and made him go through literal hell, and likely did much the same to other people before him (hence the seventeen scars on his arm). he has and continues to have even in recent book canon re: yucun biji the ability and will to inflict permanent psychic damage on people he deems to be deserving of it or a threat. he’s by no means perfect or even overly kind, and if someone were to say that a number of the earlier drama adaptations especially soften his character and make him much more wide-eyed and innocent than he actually is in the books, i would absolutely agree with them. i would also agree if someone said that gap in characterization is why some people don’t like him much in the sand sea drama. but the fact is for all the negative traits and behavior he displays at varying points in the books, none of them are ever expressed in the very specific way they are in 2.5.

@thelaithlyworm rightfully mentions wu xie's ptsd as justification for much of his more "toxic" reactions to things, and his ptsd is incredibly important in understanding how wu xie works as a character and what his experiences have forged him into, to the point it's a topic that deserves its own in-depth post. but saying we have different definitions of what ptsd is is both accurate to the complex nature of ptsd, and a bit disingenious because of the complex nature of ptsd, because the emotional dysregulation and impaired decision-making it entails won’t necessarily manifest in the same ways in different people.

in 2.5 wu xie, ptsd manifests in the form of vitriol and anger he directs at pretty much everyone in his immediate vicinity, more especially pangzi, because it has no other outlet in that situation than outwards. and i’m not saying ptsd expressing itself like that never happens, because it very much does. what i'm saying is that book wu xie's ptsd, while very real, doesn't manifest in the way it does in 2.5 wu xie.

in book wu xie, ptsd manifests in much more internalized ways, and so he’s far more prone to directing the anger and pent-up emotions inwards through self-harm, both mental and physical (i.e. the scars on his arm, his persistent self-hatred, etc.), and the emotional dysregulation very often comes not in the form of chaotically expressed emotions, but rather abnormal lack of them, as arguably wu xie's bad coping mechanism is emotional dissociation, and when the emotions are truly too strong to be distanced from, they come out in the form of panic attacks he often doesn’t recognize as such (i.e. when he finds xiaoge and believes he’s dead in book 8, or when he has flashbacks on their way to motuo in yucun traveling notes) or of general breakdowns (i.e. wu xie stays numb once xiaoge disappears behind the gate up until he starts crying in the street once he returns to hangzhou).

it’s incredibly rare that wu xie’s trauma directs itself outwards towards his loved ones, and while he might do so in his head quite frequently (which we the readers see since most of the books are from wu xie's point of view), it's rare he actually externalizes it, and since his comments can only lead to conflict if they're extrernalized, there's rarely ever genuine conflict between him and his friends. one of the only times it happens with pangzi specifically is in tibetan sea flower were he makes an honestly cruel dig at pangzi about yuncai because pangzi’s withheld information about xiaoge from him:

but even this scene, which is the closest to anything that's portrayed in 2.5 between them, plays out differently, not only because wu xie knows very well he’s going too far, his mention of yuncai isn't solely an outlet for his anger. he’s very consciously trying to bait pangzi into telling him what he knows, and so aims at where he knows will hurt most. it's targeted and mean because it's meant to be, but it's also not a gratuitious outlet either unlike his comments are more often than not in 2.5. it's manipulation, and he's certainly not trying to push pangzi away, nor is it driving a wedge between them despite how uncalled for his comment it. and more importantly, pangzi once again proves himself to be the most emotionally stable of the iron triangle by not stooping to that level or making light of the conversation. he knows perfectly well what wu xie is doing, so any conflict is diffused before it can even take root, and stays an isolated incident, whereas in 2.5, conflict is an underlying theme.

ironically there are more examples of this type directed at xiaoge, but even those don't showcase the same blind anger or gratuitous meanness that 2.5 wu xie consistently displays, and it's that specifically that's out of character. while wu xie vents his frustrations at xiaoge in book 4 over being kept in the dark, he's more serious about it than angry, and very quickly realizes his foot-in-mouth comment and backtracks accordingly:

he's at his most openly angry with xiaoge at the end of book 8 when xiaoge leaves them all in banai, and even goes as far as trying to have xiaoge detained by qiu dekao in a last ditch effort to force him to stay (which in itself is the real manifestation of him not being able to control his emotions correctly and reason going out the window where xiaoge is concerned, and it only ever really happens in relation to xiaoge, but that's also a topic for another post):

but again, while he's visibly angry and upset, and is looking for support from others around him to validate his upset at xiaoge leaving, he never actually spews any vitriol at xiaoge himself despite his anger being obvious, never actually calls him names outside of his own head despite the rare quality of his anger, never tries to instigate conflict for the sake of venting his overflowing emotions, nor does he ultimately stop xiaoge from leaving. even later as he follows xiaoge up changbai mountain, his desperation eventually turns into resignation and acceptance, not venting.

this post is way too long, but my entire point here as it has been from the start of this discussion is that while wu xie in the books does get angry, he does have ptsd, it does manifest in the ugliest ways and he's certainly not an angel, his anger in general never veers into extended open conflict or gratuitous vitriol thrown at his loved ones as a misguided form of venting his own emotions like it does throughout the vast majority of lost tomb 2.5, just like a number of the conflicts he gets into with other characters stem from out of character reactions from those characters to begin with (i.e. xiao hua absolutely losing it over wu xie hiding wu sanxing's betrayal of xie lianhuan in 2.5 vs. this information being very casually received in book 7). and that's where my point of contention with that adaptation lies.

i feel as though this is a case of agreeing to disagree as far as interpretation of wu xie's character goes, and that's absolutely fine, but in the same way that it's alright to dislike things simply because, it's equally as alright to like things for the same reasons. it's fine to like lost tomb 2.5, and my opinion of it is purely my own, but liking it doesn't necessarily have to be rooted in whether it's adapting the books correctly, even if it can be.

my dislike of 2.5 stems from how i consider it to be out of character by comparison to the books, and my entire point here has been to explain that different interpretations of any particular source material can exist, and therefore yes, it's entirely possible to view 2.5 wu xie as out of character, just as it's entirely possible to dislike that adaptation for the same reason. and i'm far from the only person to have this interpretation. so no, my dislike of 2.5 doesn't come from not liking it when wu xie’s doing unlikeable things, or else i wouldn't like wu xie as a character, nor is it because i don’t understand what ptsd is given the particular ways in which it can manifest from one specific person to another

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Hey, i am the one who requested the slaxl story: yea I meant axl telling Izzy about slash, sorry if that was unclear😅 I respond you this way cause I'm sure how I can comment under your post😭 (new on Tumblr)

Okay so a year has passed since this ask (ops) and I am so sorry, but between uni and anything I've never got the chance to finish it until now. I hope you'll enjoy it :)

Izzy's POV

The clock read 3 a.m when a loud bang on the door woke Izzy up. The guitarist almost wanted to laugh, considering that he decided to go to sleep earlier for once but destiny had other plans for him. He settled on ignoring the noise however it just kept going.

“Go away!” He yelled, hoping that the fucker would give up.

“Izzy, pleaseeee open up!” Axl's voice pleaded.

“Go harass Duff, he’s probably still awake.”

He might have been Axl’s childhood best friend but it didn’t mean he had to deal with his shit, especially when he just wanted to sleep and nothing would change that not even the grip forming in his heart due the guilt.

“Please Izzy, I need your help.”

Izzy wanted to say no and go back to sleep or pretend to until Axl would have left him alone, but something inside him urged him to listen to his friend. More than once he found himself calming the redhead back to sleep or allowing him to let his emotions out, especially for Axl and the whole band’s sake.

Reluctantly he stood up, his hands curled up in fists for a second and promising himself that he would make sure to let the other man know he owned him. When he opened the door, he was relieved to see Axl's face still intact however his glossy eyes had some red in them that couldn’t only be because of the alcohol.

“What do you want, shithead?” He asked unceremoniously.

“I need your help, Izzy.”

“Yeah, you kind of said that already. So are you going to repeat that all night or are you giving a good enough reason why you’re knocking on my door at 3 a.m.?”

“Okay, so do you know Slash?” Axl sounded completely serious which made Izzy almost let out a hysterical laugh. He couldn't help but arch his eyebrows at how Axl was tiptoeing around the subject, even if he was more surprised about how he still hadn't pushed him out of his room. His stomach lurched at the thought he was becoming soft.

“You mean Slash, our guitarist, the one we have known for a year now?” His sarcasm was bitter but it didn’t seem to faze Axl.

“Yeah.. me and Slash did something…”

Izzy rolled his eyes. As much as he wanted to strangle Axl to make him spill the beans, a part of him didn’t want to know what those idiots did because it meant getting involved and he wasn't ready to bail Slash out of jail again, even if deep down he loved them. Before saying anything he sighed, letting out all the anger from his voice because he had learned long ago that it was pointless.

“Something illegal?”

“No, well maybe it’s immoral for some people. My step dad would have found it such but technically it’s not illegal.”

The guitarist forgot that if Axl normally would talk for hours, while drunk he would do that even more while making zero sense. Something so wonderful when he just wanted to sleep.

“Axl, please just tell me what the hell you two have done!”

“Me and Slash went on a date, okay?!”

Izzy’s eyes widened in surprise. The sexual tension between Axl and Slash was obvious, the two were constantly hugging and teasing each other, however he didn’t think they would actually act on those feelings. Probably his tiredness didn't only close his eyes but his brain too, because he felt genuinely happy for them, even if the redhead’s tone told him the date didn’t go as planned.

“On a date? Damn, did you bite the bullet and ask him?”

“Well it wasn’t officially a date but we both knew it was.” Axl said, sounding just like a teenager.

Izzy's head started pulsing in anticipation of the cheesy story that was about to unfold, he would rather eat sand than having to listen to that but he doubted that pretending to faint could get away with not hearing the story. However, making his eyebrows arch was the reason Axl decided to come to him, usually Duff was the love advisor. Was it because he trusted him more? Or was it karma deciding to kick his ass by not making him able to get a good night of sleep?

“What’s wrong with the date?”

“Everything was cool and then he kissed me!” The singer spat those words almost like they were poison.

“You weren’t okay with that?” Izzy 's heart started to beat faster as rage slowly crept close to the surface. He was well aware of Axl’s past and how he didn’t take lightly people forcing on him, so it was only expected for him to go into his protective mode. Hell, if he discovered Slash had done something to Axl, he would have killed himself with his hands.

“No no, I wanted to but then I freak out because it made everything real! Because I really like him but we agreed to be friends with benefits and I don’t know what to do.” The redhead sniffled, hiding his face with his hair.

The guitarist's brain just shut down, unable to process a correct answer to give, he knew he needed to be honest but not too harsh, sympathetic yet realist. He just stayed silent for what seemed the longest time, Axl's eyes fixed on him like he had the answer to every problem of the universe, while Izzy was just digging through his brain for possible outcomes.

“Well isn’t it pointless to not be together if he likes you?”

"Well, you are already having sex. What's the problem?"

“Don’t worry about it, true love always wins.”

“Fucking hell Axl, it’s 3 in the morning and I just want to sleep.”

“Why don’t you talk with him tomorrow? When you are sober and not a crying mess. Just tell him you want to take things slow and time will tell.” He decided to set on, hoping it would work.

Axl tilted his head, pondering what Izzy said like a big truth about the secrets of the universe, and eventually he nodded in agreement. The other man's shoulder relaxed, maybe the universe was really rooting his way and spared him more Axl's tears and possible screams.

“You’re right. I just gotta wait and I’ll tell him and if doesn’t accept him, well fuck him!”

“Great, now why don’t you go back to your room and just sleep on all of this?” The black haired man suggested, almost taking his arm to direct him to the door. However a knock to the door made him groan in frustration, every ounce of diplomacy leaving his body at the prospect of having to deal with another of his bandmates.

“Whoever you are, you better get lost in the next five seconds or I will murder you.”

“Izzyyyy, I need your help.” Slash’s intoxicated voice replied.

Another drunk friend, as dealing with Axl wasn’t enough for him. The redhead’s eyes widened were a big tell that he was about to freak out and the guitarist didn’t know if he could handle him. Pinching his nose, he decided to take matters into his own hands before he had to bash his head against the wall, after all his hotel room wasn't a therapist's office.

“Slash, go to Duff. It isn’t really a good moment.” He yelled sternly.

“But I need you!”

“I’m going out of here.” Axl said, moving towards the window and prompting Izzy to throw his arm to block him.

“Fuck no! You will stay here and I’ll try to keep him out.” Izzy squeezed his shoulders in a calming way.

He opened the door just enough to see his band mate: clearly intoxicated, his eyes weren't red but they were darting all around and his fingers were playing with one of the bracelets he always wore. It was another prime example of a band mate in crisis, but to make everything worse, he didn't know Slash as much as he knew Axl.

"Slash, why don't you go to Duff?" He crossed his arms, hoping to scare him enough to discourage him from staying there.

"Because he can't understand... you know him better." Slash's curls automatically covered his face, but that didn't fool Izzy and only made his heart drop in defeat.

"Know who better?" He sounded as vague as possible, as if he couldn't hear Axl crawling on the floor and hiding in the bathroom.

"Axl. Look, I'm afraid that I freaked him out. I'm scared too, I get it but I need to gain his trust back."

Izzy rubbed his temples, the headache slapping him with such a force that he wished he could make him pass out, giving him a way out of this mess. He had another choice to make: should he tell Slash that Axl was there, and let them solve their problems? Or should he protect his friend and keep his mouth shut?

He tasted his pockets for cigarettes, probably they could have cleared his mind and corrupted Slash, making him gain some time. All of a sudden a loud noise made his hand fall against his side and a small curse came out his mouth, even Slash in his drunken stupor was attracted by the unusual sound.

"What's that noise?" A look of puzzlement crossed Slash's face.

"I was busy before you interrupted me." Izzy gestured vaguely, hopefully the other man was too drunk to question his lie.

"You never bring a girl into your room."

"Now what? Do you think you know what I do in my free time?" His face contorted in an annoyed expression.

It took all his self control to not ran outside the room and leave the two idiots with themselves, all this diplomacy was making him sick to his stomach. Slash's glossy eyes stared at him for a second, but he was too out of it to argue back, however right when he thought the situation was diffused, he heard the bathroom door opening.

Axl seemed to have sober up a bit, his face was clean of any sign of tears however his eyes quickly went down as soon as he caught a glimpse of Slash. On the other hand Slash seemed awkward, his mouth opened in slight surprise as Izzy could clearly see the gears in the other man's brain trying to come up with something but only resorting to silence.

"Hi Slash." The redhead said shyly.

"Were you hiding in the bathroom?"

Axl's face scrunched up for a moment and Izzy saw a familiar fire in his eyes that made him ready to step in if needed, but apparently the redhead's rational side seemed to win so he just took a deep breath and did not break Slash's nose to the delight of Izzy.

"I guess we need to talk."

Izzy's eyes bolted to both men as the tension was filling the air: Axl's confidence was gone as he kept looking around the room while Slash just stood still as he was waiting for the Earth to swallow him alive. Izzy wanted to leave the room but a look from childhood best friend's told him to stay.

"Look Axl, if you didn't like the kiss it's fine. I know we said to keep things casual-" Slash started but he was quickly interrupted.

"No, I liked the kiss. It's just a bit more complicated than that." Axl started to play with his bracelets, trying to find the right words.

"Oh..."

Izzy's hands hitched to butt the heads of his friends together, maybe that could help them be less oblivious. A sense of discomfort took over as he realized that he was just standing here, watching two people talking about their deepest feelings in front of a bandmate. He needed to do something so he headed towards the only window in his room to lit up a cigarette.

"I... I like you Slash, okay? But this shit ain't easy! I've never had feelings for a guy, I've been taught it was a sin."

"You like me?" Slash asked, with such a surprised tone that Izzy had to turn around to watch both of them.

"Yeah. I know I said "no feelings involved" but it happened."

Izzy watched Slash stumbling towards Axl and gently kissing him. For a moment Izzy's heartbeat got faster but Axl quickly reciprocated the kiss, making shame invade the guitarist's body.

"I'll be outside... try to not use my bed for "fun times" " He said but the other two man were too busy eating their faces to acknowledge him in any way.

Axl POV

Axl barely heard the door closing, he was too focused on how Slash's lip tasted like a whole bottle of Jack and a pack of cigarettes or how his hands were buried in the other man's curls, making Slash purring in his mouth. Quickly their lips weren't gently touching anymore but smashing against each other, the air uncomfortably getting trapped in his lungs and his cheeks turning red.

"I'm taking this forward, okay? Tell me to stop whenever you don't feel up to it anymore." Slash said and Axl nodded, his face relaxing at the thought of having a choice.

Slash's hand traveled to Axl's shirt, his finger played with the hems without actually lifting it while their feet were subconsciously leading them towards the bed. The same bed Izzy forbidden them to touch. Axl tugged Slash's shirt, hating his moment of clarity because he wanted nothing more than to keep kissing, but the other man didn't budge.

"Slash?"

"Mh?" He said, interrupting the kiss.

"Izzy would kill us if we touched his bed." Slash sighed and stepped away from Axl. "But maybe we can continue in your room." The redhead added.

Slash's lips immediately turned into a smirk but he hesitated for a minute.

"So we are officially more than fuck buddies? Because I can't deal with another run like the one we had before, I thought you were going to take a plane or kill me!"

"Yes, we are. I might take some time but I promise."

Axl felt Slash's hand on his, squeezing it reassuringly and the cold metal of his ring gave him a weird sense of comfort, he couldn't explain it but it just felt like Slash. He let him guide him to the door as fear slowly left his body.

Izzy's POV

He sat against the door, his head pounding and his eyes tired which was so fucking stupid because everything was solved, there was no need for his body to be so dramatic. He pondered about resting,not sleeping, just to see if it eased the pain of his head.

"Izzy?" The voice was far away but he just ignored it. He was so close to drift away when the voice came back again and louder.

"Izzy!" It sounded familiar but his brain was too exhausted to match any face to the voice.

"I'm sleeping, leave me alone." He replied.

The sound of steps only lasted a couple of seconds before he felt someone sitting next to him, all his reflexes were apparently dull because he didn't react at all. A strong smell of cigarettes and a very specific cologne hit his nostrils and revealed the mysterious man.

"Duff, what are you doing here?" He said, giving up and opening his eyes.

Duff's shoulder dropped in relief, his red eyes holding all the remaining anxiety running through his body. Izzy had no idea if he was about to laugh or cry because having to babysit him sounded like a nightmare.

"Oh thank God you're alive. I was smoking outside the bar and then I noticed Slash running towards the hotel, I thought he was in trouble until I watched him get inside your room."

"Yeah, he is okay. He was just very drunk and he and Axl had to sort something out."

"Is Axl going to kill him? What's going on?"

Izzy's hands started to play with the pack of matches in his hands, he looked Duff right into his eyes with a blank expression while his mind was traveling as fast as light. He didn't want to harm Axl or Slash in any way, even if he always had a good amount of trust in Duff's open mind.

"No. I'm about to say something and it has to stay between us, okay? Axl and Slash are dating.

Duff started laughing and then it turned into wheezing, so much that he had to hold his stomach from it and his eyes started to water with tears. Rage shot through Izzy's body, making his face twist into the scariest impassible expression he was capable of, the one that usually meant he was about to throw hands.

" God, I thought Slash upset Axl or something. I mean, are we even surprised? Those two are behaving like a married couple all the time, fucking finally!"

Izzy didn't even realize he clutched his hands until he relaxed them, Duff's supportive nature came handy once again and he found it hard to suppress the smallest hint of a smile. As much as the bassist was a piece of work, but Izzy couldn't really say anything since he was one too, moments like this reminded him of the weird bond they had about making sure the rest of the band was okay.

Suddenly the door next to him opened, revealing a certain drummer with blonde hair staring at Duff and Izzy with the widest smile.

"Axl and Slash are together?" Steven squealed with excitement.

"Steven, what the hell? You scared me!" Duff said, holding a hand over his heart.

The drummer ignored him to instead close his door and sat across Izzy, eyes full of joy and his body vibrating with energy.

"It's almost 4am why are you awake?" Izzy hoped to distract him.

"I couldn't sleep. So, are Axl and Slash together? How did that happen?"

The guitarist sighed, he pondered if he should have ignored Steven all together but the angel on his shoulder seemed to win, his face softened as he looked at the other man. He went over the story again, his calm voice in total contrast with Steven's continuous face expression even if in a way it made him feel validated in having to deal with those two idiots.

"Wow, I've never knew they were fuck buddies. I mean, one time I saw Slash and a redhead in bed but I thought it was a chick!" Steven said, making Duff laugh again.

Before he could stop it, Izzy felt a small laughter escaping his body as the image of a very naked and dramatic Axl screaming plagued his head. His head moved closer to the door but he couldn't hear much so Izzy returned to focus on Duff and Steven and their very important argument about pizza toppings, but soon their voice became only a background noise and his eyes dropped.

Maybe he was finally able to get some sleep...

The door slammed open, making Izzy's eyes immediately snap open, he turned his body around and he saw Slash's guilty eyes shooting an apology, quickly followed by Axl's confused face. Irritated wasn't even enough to describe the pure heat radiating through his body, but he would have lied if he said that he wasn't relieved by their two friends holding hands.

" What are Duff and Steven doing here?" Axl tilted his head quizzically.

"Duff thought you would kill Slash and Steven wanted a sleepover." Izzy explained and that seemed enough for Slash, who tugged Axl towards their room before the redhead could say anything.

The doorknob almost lured Izzy like a siren as his tired body screamed for some rest, he barely realized his feet moving towards his room before he was distracted by Steven's cheerful voice.

"Wanna join me and Duff in our sleepover?"

"No." He said, closing the door right in his friends' face and falling flat on his bed.

[angel-egg-egl]

Wardrobe Post 2023 Part 1: OPs

Mary Magdalene - Tarte Tatin OP - "Classic Beige"

A new purchase, but I'm already in love. I'm hoping I can get the other colourways!

Mary Magdalene - Carlotta OP - "Shell Pink"*

This one was a rescue (yes, it's the WW carlotta) I got for cheap from a pal! It had horrific dye bleed/fading and was missing its bow and neck ties. I decided to dye it red to mimic the Strawberry colourway, and it came out to be basically a perfect match! I used the original waist ties to add gussets to the sides, and then I found some cotton sateen to dye up and used that to replace the neck ties and bow. Im working on replacement waist ties, but haven't finished yet. It's become one of my favourite dresses!

Mary Magdalene - Fleur Antionette OP - "Iris"

This one's another rescue-- when I got it it was stained and altered. I redid the gussets, added lining, and got the stains out. Currently working on replacing the bows!

Victorian Maiden - Chiffon Doll OP - Brown

I got this one at a swap meet and am obsessed with it! The bodice is cotton, so it's very breathable and comfortable, and it's great layered over sweaters and blouses!

Baby the Stars Shine Bright - Sugar Bouquet Shirring OP (2005) - White

One of my favourites! I'm mostly into classic lately, but old school sweet has a place in my heart. I actually prefer this version to the 2023 version-- there's a drawstring in the neckline that makes the shoulder measurement somewhat adjustable to prevent bust gapping. It is a little shorter, though, so bloomers are a must for me!

Baby the Stars Shine Bright - Sugar Bouquet Shirring OP (2023) - "Antique Blue"

The modern edition! I was lucky enough to get this through the preorder lottery-- I kind of regret not getting the ichigo mousse colourway as well. The cut is very comfortable, with lots of stretch, and its long enough to hit at the knee for me. It does have a lot more poof than the 2005 edition, though, and requires multiple petticoats for me.

Alice and the Pirates - Toi et Moi OP - Black x Bordeaux

One of my few remaining polyester dresses! It's actually a cotton-poly blend, and the weave is very breathable, especially since the lining is cotton. It's quite long, too, so very nice for taller people. I really love violet prints, so I couldn't bring myself to let this one go.

Alice and the Pirates - Princess Serenity OP - White (one colour)

This was a dream dress that I actually managed to get BNWT for retail price! It hadn't even been taken out of the original plastic. It's very detailed and lovely, there's several layers of fabric and lots of gold embroidery. It's a little too fancy and rare to wear out often, but I am happy to own it as a sailor moon fan.

[compo67]

Hello Dear Friend,

My goodness you have had some harrowing ups and downs over the past months. And I am sorry not everything has turned out the way you wanted/expected.

But you are here and you are amazing.

To piggy back off a previous ask, and what a lovely ask it was. You are not obligated to entertain us or post fic or be on Tumblr at any time. YOU ARE ENOUGH. Be here when you can. Post fic if you can..we will love it. Speaking of fic..thank you for the lovely Photo Op update..it was fun!!

Anyone that doesn't have the decency to break up with person with at least a phone call is not worth your time, thats a punk move. I know it hurts and it sucks and I am sorry.

Its nice to see you here again. Please take care of yourself

❤🧡💛💚💙💜

Hello, my friend!

It's always so good to hear from you. <3

Ugh, this breakup was so... unusual. We weren't even in a relationship. We hadn't even spoken about dating. We had just been honest about our feelings for each other. But he couldn't take what that meant, he got scared, and decided to just... drop me? He did *eventually* call to apologize and express his regret, but had the same bullshit responses I got through text. He had so much baggage and now I see that there were so many red flags. Sigh.

Why is it that I either don't see or ignore red flags? I need to work on that in therapy. These people lead me on and I just eat it up.

Anyway. I have a date on Sunday with someone who is a good communicator and knows how to set up boundaries. I hope we click in-person as much as we've clicked over text. Ye gods, I just hope I have a good time.

I've had so many things I've wanted to work out dating/relationship wise in the past few years. My heart is tired, but my brain says keep going. So here I am.

I need to hear "YOU ARE ENOUGH" a lot lately. I frequently feel not enough. But hearing it/seeing it, that helps. I put so much pressure on myself to write, that when I don't do it/post anything, I feel like I'm letting everyone down and they're gonna leave me. So like, if I'm not producing, why would you bother? Very unhealthy thinking. Also working on that.

I think a lot of this goes back to, "I have a lot of trauma, I need to be handled with care." I'm not expecting anyone or the world to bend over backwards for me, but some consideration for my feelings and how trauma has shaped/affected me would be nice. Just, for the love of god, don't lead me on.

I have 10 emails I need to reply to. One job I want to apply to. More job hunting. Postcards to write to voters. And I need to pack before I head over to my dad's. I also have a mindfulness group session this afternoon. Must not forget that.

My dad has two doctor's appointments tomorrow. I am hopeful that my neurologist will be able to help him with his debilitating headaches. Then, we'll be seeing his PCP for a follow-up. I'm also throwing a small (really small) party for him on Saturday for his 70th birthday. I got the plates/cups/silverware for that already. I need to order food and a pie or two.

Lots has been going on, my dear friend. But it feels so good to read your message. Thank you so much.

Be well, dear.

[roguemonsterfucker]

I thought the harassment over the Thrawn thing had ended, but I was wrong so now I feel forced to defend myself. All people involved have either been anonymous or blocked me, so I can't explain myself directly to them but I believe this stemmed from a misunderstanding.

I will own up to being rude in my responses, but I hope y'all will understand that I felt very attacked from the very first message directed at me.

Get ready for an image heavy post.

It all stated with me seeing this post in the Thrawn tags:

I saw a few other Thrawn fans making their own posts, indirectly responding to this criticism, so I went ahead and made two separate posts of my own.

Below is the first one, which responded to the OP's take on Thrawn's loyalty to his people, the Chiss. I hope you can see clearly from this post that I am myself a defender of Thrawn in many ways and very much a fan of his.

The second post is where the trouble started. I see now that my wording, taken without the context of the original Anti Thrawn post, looks like an attack on Thrawn fans. That was not my intent, though I see now how it looks that way. I was simply explaining my own view of calling myself a "Thrawn Apologist."

Now he's where the trouble really started. Someone very active in the Thrawn tags and who has followed my Thrawn blog for at least a week or so reblogged that with an addition that I took as very aggressive and patronizing. I felt very attacked by the response's wording and it didn't help that the person called me "hon," which I have always found a very upsetting thing to be called. I know it is sometimes meant in a kind way, but the combonation of the aggressive tone of the message and the patronizing "hon" put me on the defensive.

That said, I personally don't think my respond was rude or anything initially. I simply asked what they meant by their message, because I wasn't really sure what they were taking issue with, and in the tags put as kind of a message as possible to ask them not to call me hon in the future.

I should add that my pinned post says this: "I'm nonbinary. Please don't call me a guy or a girl or any other gendered term."

And I have had to previously ask people not to call me "girlie" and other gendered terms because I am a trans person and those terms trigger dysphoria for me.

Now here is where I did become rude and I freely admit I was very short with this person. I hope you can understand why from the above explanation that I was on the defensive and already a little upset.

At this point, I didn't realize that what this person's actual issue was was in fact that they felt I was attacking "Thrawn Apologists" because they apparently didn't see the initial Anti Thrawn post that I was responding to.

I didn't understand why anyone would argue over the semantics of "warlord" versus "war criminal" and I was becoming a bit distressed because I knew I had seen someone call Thrawn a warlord somewhere. I hadn't just pulled that word out of my rear end. And after doing further research, I found that I hadn't in fact made it up. It's Legends (not canon) now, but "Warlord" was in fact a title given by the Emperor to some of his military commanders, so whether Thrawn meets the definition of our world's warlord or not is a moot point.

Regardless, this is were the hateful messages began. The below message came from someone that clearly follows the person that took issue with my use of "warlord."

This person blocked me before I could respond and explain that the reason I didn't like being called "hon" was gender dysphoria.

I did start to think at this point that maybe this was over more than just me calling Thrawn a warlord so I made a post, to which the original person arguing with me responded.

But apparently that wasn't enough for them to seek out context or ask or give me the benefit of the doubt. And still at this point, I didn't realize that this person and others were under the impression that I was insulting Thrawn Apologists.

For the below screenshot, I have no idea why my main's username is listed as the account because it's definitely on my thrawn sideblog. Regardless, I recieved a reply that I responded to via screenshoting because I didn't want to reply with my main in the comments. Keep in mind, I still had no idea that people were upset that I was insulting Thrawn Apologists, though I was starting to get the sense that it was more than just semantics of whether he was a warlord or not.

And it was after this message that the person I was arguing with apparently decided I was making fun of them and they blocked me and made their own rant post about me, which is when I realized the issue wasn't whether Thrawn was a warlord or not, it was that they felt I was insulting Thrawn Apologists. But of course, they blocked me at that point so I couldn't defend myself.

Firstly, I think it's clear that they never saw my additional posts explaining that "warlord" was a title within the star wars universe. And secondly... I'm very confused as to why they call me an "idol." I made it clear in many of my posts on that blog that I never intended for people to follow it. It was a place for me to collect Thrawn posts for myself.

Also, they seem to think I was making fun of them with my response above, which wasn't my intent though I do see how they would feel that way. As I said, I was already on the defensive because of the aggressive wording of their very first message to me and it was only made worse by followers of theirs calling me a bitch.

I understand that I was rude in many of my responses. I own up to that. But I don't think that justifies some of the hateful messages I have been sent because this person reblogged my post without understanding that it was not intended to insult fans of Thrawn.

I have been sent many hateful messages to my thrawn blog now because of this. I thought it was over after this person posted their final rant about me but it has continued.

So... I just wanted to post this so that I could get it off my chest.

I know I was rude and I apologize. But I hope it's clear that my intent was misunderstood. Perhaps that is my own fault. But I still don't feel it justifies messages like this:

I never intended to attack apologists. It was a response to a hateful message in the Thrawn tags calling apologists annoying. I was laughing at the idea of being called an apologist myself, not at the idea of apologists existing.

I am sorry to those hurt by my words. I wish I could explain myself and apologize directly but I will respect the block and not go around it.

Thanks to anyone who made it reading this far. If you saw my previous posts from last night, you'll know yesterday was rough in many ways. And the weeks ahead will be rougher. I'm in really bad shape (unrelated to the above, though I can't say it helped =/) and I have appreciated all the kind messages I've received.

I won't be around tumblr much. I really should avoid it completely while I heal. My queue posts 5 times a day, so if you don't see any posts outside of those then I'm not back yet.

I'm sorry I didn't pick someone to take over the confessions blog. I can't deal with that right now. But rest assured that the queue is full for quite a while and when I'm able, I'll try to figure out how to keep that blog alive somehow.

Thank you all.

[hopeymchope]

Spike Chunsoft seems to be giving Rain Code one hell of a marketing budget. (Presumably especially because it’s a Kodaka game) unfortunately I don’t think they’re going a super good job with it bc of how lame Spike Chunsoft trailers are to they’re games. Dunno how successful it will be, seeing as well…it’s not exactly a DR op despite looking like it, but hopefully it will leave a bigger impact than World’s End Club did.

Note: This is a follow-up to this post.

Those interviews also mention that they had a much higher production budget on this as compared to Danganronpa. So that's even more reason to be concerned that this lands.

World's End Club was glitchy and was published by a much smaller, lower-budget company than SC. I'm not sure Izanagi Games really has had any "hits," per se. Plus the team was working in a genre they largely hadn't played around with before.

So here's hoping that, with a more firmly established team doing a lot of things that they're already good at, we'll get something a lot less glitchy and a lot more successful. But how much success will they need to justify the cost of production and marketing?? Because... yeah, this isn't going to come out of the gate with Danganronpa V3-type numbers. No way.

Then again, DR was initially a slow-burn success... maybe that's all we need to hope for right now. It's a new IP, after all. Hopefully Kodaka's writing is the secret sauce that'll carry this one into profitability?

For the record, I largely enjoy SC's trailers, but I'm also already in the tank for this thing. Tthey're definitely not very informative as to what kind of gameplay you're getting. So I don't know how effective they are for outsiders.... but yeah, probably not too much.

[vasyas-tie-clip]

Arestovych's government work before the full-scale invasion: a writeup

See my previous writeup on Arestovych's military resume here. I was originally hoping to cover the entirety of Arestovych's time in government in one post, but there's really so many layers, and so much more info you can find from him and others about this era, that 2/24 makes for a natural stopping point.

Disclaimer that I don't know Russian and I only know the tiniest bit of Ukrainian, so I'm getting almost all my info through MTL. I probably got overzealous with censoring user names this time, but since I already went to the effort I'll keep it that way. I'm going to try to cover this period in more detail than I did the military period, which also probably means running into more of my limitations regarding knowledge of Ukrainian politics and governance. As usual, corrections and additions welcome!

A note to start

Recently, this interview with Arestovych came out, containing one particular passage that I promptly added to the writeup on his military career:

One of my military specialties is an information counteraction officer. There is even an educational task there: to bring public opinion to certain indicators on a certain issue in a particular region. This is a task for novice lieutenants. A separate town is taken, and you must, on a separate issue, bring it to certain indicators in one or two months.

With the caveat that I can't access most of his video material, since his speaking style doesn't work well with auto-subs, this is the most direct confirmation I recall from him of what seemed likely the case: he was trained in his intel officer days in not just analyzing information, but putting it out, public-influencing work that sounds an awful lot like what he's doing now. This fits in with the 2015 interview where he mentioned he was a type of military specialist that couldn't normally be called to the front involuntarily, and Budanov's striking decision to interview with him in the wake of Wagnergate back when he was ostensibly just a glorified milblogger.

I think that gets at a larger point when it comes to trying to figure out Arestovych--I hadn't initially wanted to dig into his pre-OP military career, because I knew I'd be falling into a deep rabbit hole, but you're going to get a very different impression of him if all you know about those years is the accusations by his haters that he's just a talking head making up his military cred for the sake of his ego. (Really, with maybe one early exception, I'm not sure he's publicly gone into any of his personal heroic deeds unless someone else made it public or raised a fuss first. The "33 combat outings" meme was from a conversation he thought was off-camera, people were spreading nasty rumors about the minefield incident, and it's actually one of his former enemies who first revealed his role in the defense of Kyiv.) He might not resemble most people's idea of a soldier (then again intel spooks have a whole different set of stereotypes), but his military background is an important part of him. Even as he's ostensibly just a hot Youtuber and (ex-)official in civilian government these days, he's in fact still using a lot of the skills he got from the GUR, he has a lot of military ties, and I really do think that a sizeable part of his self-conception (and self-romanticization) is that he's an officer sworn to Ukraine, with a duty to the state as a whole, above any personal comfort or political faction. You can argue over his interpretation of that duty, but not that he's put his life on the line for it. It's relevant context to this part of his life even as he, uh, proceeds to thoroughly torch his reputation in military/volunteer circles for god and country I guess.

Backstory

The start of this writeup overlaps chronologically with the end of the previous one--Arestovych was serving in the army through Zelenskyy's presidential campaign, election, and first months in office in 2019. While some people now claim he used to be a full-on Poroshenkobot, that's something of an overstatement. He said a lot of rude things about Zelenskyy and his supporters, and pushed various narratives against him during the election, but he still generally gave credit where credit was due; meanwhile, he had considerable criticism for Poroshenko, freely admitted Poroshenko was corrupt, and considered Poroshenko's own policy failures to blame for Zelenskyy's rise. But he considered Poroshenko the only viable candidate in terms of national security, and lost friends over the names he called anyone who'd vote for anyone else (including Yuriy Romanenko, the journalist he's currently doing his Alpha and Omega roundtables with, whom he only made up with years later). In his words, a surgeon has a cemetery behind his back, until he learns, and a commander-in-chief has ten. He fully expected a Russian escalation within the next president's term, they didn't have the time to train up a new president, and corruption wasn't going to matter if they got overrun.

That year and a half between early 2019 and mid 2020 swings between measured analysis, snarking at Zelenskyy's early blunders, cautious optimism, and profanity-laden personal attacks on Zelenskyy and everyone who voted for him. He maintained from the start that Zelenskyy had personal virtues and the potential to learn, but he was clueless and squeamish, and his original team was a mix of similarly clueless idealists and cynical players in the pockets of oligarchs who'd rapidly turn on each other once in power. He consistently pushed back against narratives that Zelenskyy personally was a Russian agent, in a somewhat "don't attribute to malice what you can attribute to incompetence" way, but considered him beholden to Kolomoisky, and suspected pro-Russian and "anti-Maidan" elements in the team.

You can definitely look for ulterior motives in Arestovych's takes (certainly, people joked he'd been paid off by the other side in the comments every time he wrote something kind of nice about Zelenskyy or vice versa), but at the same time...this is basically the reaction you'd expect for someone who's interested in deeds over politicians, but also genuinely believes the leader society chose might get people killed and just has to live with it. Regardless, after commenters went "instead of bashing Zelenskyy for what he did wrong, how about you do something about it," he openly announced early on, in July 2019, that he'd work for the Ze team if they had the willingness to take on a vocal critic. And apparently, for some time that summer, he actually got in touch with them and tried to offer them advice. The arrangement was likely informal, I don't think he ever met Zelenskyy himself at this point (based on things he later said), and it's unclear whom among the team he met--at that point, Bohdan was still head of the OP, Yermak was only a presidential aide, his old GUR friend Mashovets wasn't yet in, and the OP would suffer heavy turnover between then and his actual appointment as advisor over a year later. But by October 2019, he'd apparently given up on cooperation after seeing all his advice go ignored. By June 2020, he'd been banned by Zelenskyy's Facebook page, probably because he kept tagging Zelenskyy in his snarky posts (he later said that the OP read everything he wrote about them, and seemed quite impressed that they had the fortitude to invite him anyway.)

August 2020 appears to have been a turning point for him. He sounded genuinely happy at Budanov getting appointed to head the GUR in the aftermath of Wagnergate; while it's unclear how much of his initial attempts to clean up the scandal was to help him and how much he would've done regardless out of principle, that experience, combined with other dramas around the same time, seemed to leave him increasingly disgusted by the willingness of some "patriots" to spread dubious narratives beneficial to the Russians just out of hatred for the Zelenskyy government. While he continued to criticize the government for perceived missteps, he acknowledged that it was making actual strides in national defense issues, while the opposition was growing increasingly toxic and delusional. But it seems like few people expected that Zelenskyy's team would offer him actual positions, or that he'd accept.

Trilateral Contact Group (TCG)

There seems to be a lot of confusion around Arestovych's precise government titles in general. Articles often refer to him as spokesperson of the Ukrainian delegation to the TCG, but in fact, in the words of the official document, on October 28, 2020, he was appointed advisor of information policy by Leonid Kravchuk, first president and head of the Ukrainian delegation. While his role resembled that of a spokesperson from the outside, this seems another one of those advisor positions that's more influential than the title suggests.

The background info as I understand it: The Trilateral Contact Group was the main venue of negotiations between Russia and Ukraine (mediated by the OSCE) over the Minsk-2 agreements, which had established a ceasefire and laid out a series of steps toward peace. Signed effectively at gunpoint by Poroshenko, while Ukrainian troops were in danger of encirclement, Minsk-2 was unfavorable, hastily written, and had ambiguities that needed further negotiation; an interpretation acceptable to Russia would require concessions unacceptable to most Ukrainians, but perceived unwillingness to work with the agreements would discredit Ukraine on the world stage, and meanwhile other subgroups within the TCG could accomplish smaller-scale results like prisoner exchanges and opening checkpoints.

So the meetings and negotiations went on, even as progress was stymied and the TCG was suspected domestically of being a platform for selling out Ukrainian interests. Earlier in the year, Yermak's attempt to push negotiations forward had sparked a scandal (that may have resulted in Podolyak joining the OP, incidentally--Podolyak wrote a snarky op-ed about how Yermak's respectable motives couldn't salvage his clumsy handling of the situation, the public now considers him a "dark demon" who tried to betray the state to Russia, that's what happens when you don't have any good media speakers but your opponents do...and three weeks later Podolyak was made an Advisor to the Head of the OP.) September 2020 ended with another scandal, as Vitold Fokin (who'd been Prime Minister under Kravchuk and was now the first deputy head of the Ukrainian TCG delegation) capped off a string of concerningly Russia-friendly statements at odds with the official Ukrainian position by saying that he didn't see a war between Russia and Ukraine in the Donbas. Even before Fokin's firing, Reznikov (who was deputy head of the Ukrainian delegation to the TCG, before getting appointed Minister of Defense in November 2021) had announced the need for a spokesperson to express a unified position to mass media (which might account for some of the confusion around Arestovych's precise title.)

Around that time, from the sound of Arestovych's account, he'd warmed up enough to the current government, and experienced enough secondhand embarrassment at the Fokin scandal, to offer himself up to prevent a repeat. He was invited to observe at several TCG meetings, alongside other candidates, where he provided enough worthy advice to eventually receive a formal position.

The appointment sparked outrage on the internet. There were those who thought the position was too good for Arestovych, the self-declared lying propagandist who'd said spectacularly rude things about the current government and its supporters. And then there were the ones who'd thought that Arestovych was too good for the position, who now saw him as a treacherous sellout for joining a suspect organization within a suspect government that he'd previously criticized harshly.

Responding to the first group, Kravchuk stated that the decision was made after a month of evaluation, and no one in the delegation objected to Arestovych ultimately being chosen; he had military experience and proven ability to "provide in-depth informational communication of everything related to the war in Donbass," and Kravchuk considered his ability to hold and defend distinctive opinions a feature rather than a bug.

Responding to the second group, Arestovych said that he expected he'd be considered a traitor just for being involved with the TCG, but this work was too important not to do for the sake of the country. He freely admitted that before he joined the TCG delegation, he'd misunderstood about 70% of its aims and policies; if he'd misunderstood so badly despite being a military-trained analyst, what chance did the average person have? Even if Minsk-2 might be fundamentally unworkable, perception management was critical. He needed to show Ukrainians that the negotiations were necessary and not going to betray their interests, while showing the world that Ukraine was working in good faith toward peace, and it was the Russians being unreasonable and obstructive, while the Russians schemed to show the opposite.

So he did the expected work of a press secretary or spokesperson, putting up social media pages for the delegation, making the framework documents available to the public, writing updates, giving interviews and comments, explaining what the TCG was doing (or not doing), debunking Russian claims, defending the need for even a flawed ceasefire. Arestovych's work in the TCG seems to have been somewhat forgotten these days, given the full-scale invasion made it obsolete, but it actually made up a sizeable portion of his media output in those days.

But in addition to that, he personally attended negotiations, he's mentioned something about Kozak reacting to what he said that might mean he could speak at them, and he helped develop the unified position he voiced. Before his appointment, the delegation already seemed to regret its old policy of commenting on events only after the OSCE's statement--this was the initial agreement, but the Russian side had started breaking it, so that their version of events got out first and hijacked the discussion--but Arestovych implemented his new policy with particular aggressiveness. In his words, "in the information space, there is only one mistake - not to be in time. And then, whether they praise you or criticize you, people are already simply serving your narrative, if you managed to voice it. And if you didn’t have time, you “trudge” behind someone else’s narrative." He framed it in military terms, going on the offensive and getting inside the enemy's OODA loop, and reported with pride that by the fifth day of his tenure as advisor, their speed and quality of presentation had forced Putin's press secretary Peskov to personally intervene, and that, where Russian narratives around the TCG had previously dominated the Ukrainian media space, his constructions were starting to show up in Russian statements.

The strategy seemed to also have its hazards. In one incident that might sound familiar, in December 2020, the delegation's Facebook page initially incorrectly reported that a Ukrainian soldier had wandered across enemy lines while intoxicated and died from alcohol or drug intoxication, when it turned out the soldier had in fact been strangled. Arestovych apologized personally the next day, saying that in a technical error, he'd mixed up the version of events from the Russian side and the version to be given to media.

But his work was overall such that Podolyak defended him in the scandal, confirming that it was a technical error and calling him "absolutely competent in what he does." In a later interview, he sharply disagreed with a claim that Arestovych was only good for scandal and hype, crediting him with successfully "imposing his agenda" and rattling his opponents in a field where Russian propagandists had once "absolutely dominated." Importantly, his skills also caught the eye of Yermak.

Office of the President

There's also a lot of confusion over Arestovych's position in the OP. A September 2022 document lists Arestovych as an unpaid freelance adviser to the Office of the President, and Podolyak has stated that this has been his position from the start, and it's a technical error that official sources have called him adviser to the Head of the Office of the President.

Arestovych says he first met Yermak briefly upon his appointment to the TCG (and met Podolyak two weeks later--as the head of the OP's information policy, Podolyak was also in charge of the TCG's, but gave Arestovych basically free rein there). A month later, on December 1, 2020, Yermak appointed him an advisor on "strategic communications in the field of national security and defense".

Yermak's made his attitude toward people who insult the president quite clear, so one imagines that he must've seen considerable need for Arestovych's skills--in his words (according to Arestovych) "Well, you're such an expert on fakes, you've bred so many of them, that no one but you would know how to deal with them." He was Arestovych's direct superior and task-setter in the OP, whom Arestovych worked with daily (in comparison, before the full-scale invasion, Arestovych says he met with Zelenskyy about once a month,) while he worked with Podolyak, a fellow advisor, as more of an equal. While Arestovych has said he kept to a strictly work relationship with his bosses, he quickly made genuine friends with Podolyak--interestingly, a later comment of his suggests that he didn't like him at first, but somehow that turned into meming about them destroying patriotic consciousness together a week into his time at the OP, and let's just say that you have to be really good friends with someone before posting a picture of yourself with a gun and joking about shooting them. He also seemed to work with his old GUR friend Roman Mashovets (deputy head of the OP, in charge of national security and defense as a whole).

Arestovych's communications work encompassed coordinating between the OP and other groups, including the TCG; and between departments in his field on behalf of the OP--he cites helping mediate a conflict between the head of Ukrboronprom and the Minister of Strategic Industries. But naturally it's the public-facing work that people remember. The mysterious friend-of-a-friend Ukrainian officer from that military forum gave an uneasy assessment of Arestovych's new position--take with as many grains of salt as you think you need, but it's certainly intriguing:

Arestovich, perhaps in good faith, found himself in very bad company, and in the most unfortunate place, on public relations. Now whatever he says will be used against him. And any punctures destroy the reputation he has built up over the years. A position that is not to be envied. Time will tell if his decision to go there, albeit at the invitation of people he trusts personally, was justified. P.S.: I do not agree with his assessment of the situation and some personalities so I look at his attempt skeptically.

Because the immediate reaction to Arestovych blogging for the government was a wall of insults, accusations, shaming, threats, and memes of Lyusya the political whore. While everyone from the OP inevitably met with a wave of internet hate, Arestovych happened to have previously been a prominent member of military/volunteer circles alienated by the Zelenskyy administration's early actions (and heavily courted by Poroshenko.) There was an element of personal betrayal to the reaction. A volunteer friend replied to one of his anti-Poroshenko posts with "Lyosh, if you've been kidnapped and tortured, reply in capslock"; a good chunk of his existing following was...considerably less charitable.

The poster observed TV appearances where (in their opinion) Arestovych combined 90% of perfectly sound explaining and analysis with 10% thinly-supported attacks on the opposition. They generally seemed to think that he was destroying his reputation in his circles for the sake of unworthy leadership:

No, everything is fine with him with the level of knowledge and skills, IMHO, they just cut unsolvable tasks for him, and even change them once a week for opposite ones …

(It's worth saying, since this write-up is for English speakers who may only know his content from his obnoxious shitposting, that he comes across quite differently if you actually watch his military/political long-format videos. He is in fact capable of being professional and laying out topics in a clear engaging way and providing measured analysis in his fields of specialty and more subtly steering an argument or provoking thought. This is most of what he does! But people remember the rest of what he does a lot better!)

In countless panels, programs, and interviews, Arestovych informed about--and defended--basically everything the Zelenskyy administration did within quite a broad interpretation of "national security and defense", encompassing everything from international politics to COVID response, sometimes contradicting or downplaying things he'd said before his advisorship. And while he'd had harsh words for political figures in the past, it was never to the extent to which he went Poroshenko delenda est as an advisor. (For what it's worth, Podolyak's blogging was similar--he'd despised Poroshenko from the start, even if he was initially unimpressed by Zelenskyy, but there's a major difference in the consistency and forcefulness of his anti-Poroshenko posts pre- and post-OP.) Arestovych has talked about how he'll subsume his interests to a team's, he would've gained new information in the OP, and he said, recently, that he received some piece of information about Poroshenko before the public did, and "drew conclusions very quickly"--but regardless, it looked rather like selling out to many.

(Interestingly, he actually seemed to go on the attack against the OP's enemies in November 2020, after he was appointed to the TCG but before he was appointed to the OP, to a notably greater extent than his usual level of criticism, for example against Poroshenko and Butusov. One wonders if it was his initiative, or a trial period.)

He didn't help his reputation with his frequent scandalous statements on TV and profanity-filled arguments on social media. He said that the country should be renamed to Rus'-Ukraine, and defended accepting Afghan refugees by saying they were better educated than Ukrainians anyway. His telling a commenter who asked him to write in Ukrainian instead of Russian to go fuck himself (though he says the user was actually a troll that had been hanging around his Facebook for some time wishing death on his family) rose to the level of a parliament vote. He challenged another commenter to fight him at Bankova, only to postpone it indefinitely because it was beneath the dignity of a representative of the country on an international platform, wait until he got kicked out of the government in disgrace first.

The thing is--he's trolling. We know he's trolling. People know he's trolling. A popular theory is that he deliberately made himself into a hate lightning rod, so that enemies waste their media efforts attacking him instead of the rest of the OP. Every time he says something outrageous, social media users joke about the OP needing a diversion; one interviewer remarked to his face that people wound up discussing his statements instead of serious politics, though he denied that he was trying to distract from serious issues. Podolyak offers a slightly more dignified explanation in one of his own interviews:

Yes, Oleksiy often goes for deliberate provocations, draws out the negative, and then calmly, carefully, and subtly works with it. It may sound paradoxical, but I believe that it is Arestovych who cures our society of traditional media hysteria, giving it the opportunity to talk through difficult things like in a psychotherapist's office. And it's very difficult to take on a lot of public hype, to personally conflict with a big machine of the same "powderbots." If we fairly assess Arestovych's work in the medium term, he is definitely a positive character.

So basically: he's trolling, but in a constructive way, with the OP's blessings.

Much of the time, it's hard to figure out exactly what game he's playing. It's been long enough since the original scandals that the context and reactions are tricky to investigate (if the necessary context is even publicly known), but he's made fun of actual "insider" "expert" "analytics" Telegram channels and their abysmal success rate at guessing the OP's motives and strategy, so I won't feel too bad about throwing up my hands here instead of trying to evaluate individual incidents in earnest. On the one hand--he's talked in an older post about deliberately swearing at an interlocutor to test their reaction. He's joked about all the engagement and views he was getting from the porobots. Gordon's called him a swindler to his face live without getting a rise out of him. I don't believe that he was actually getting that mad at all those internet randos. On the other hand--his old post history on a certain august forum demonstrates that he's fully capable of getting that mad at some internet randos. Exactly when and why he started fake scandals, and when he got into real scandals, will probably remain between him and the OP for the foreseeable future. It's just clear that he's playing 5D chess, but also sometimes he eats a piece.

On the other end of the respectability spectrum, as an advisor, he did in fact give actual advice! He's talked about how, while the OP strictly observed "functional zones" when it came to what areas he could discuss, he had some say in the OP's information policy, and could advise on national security and defense, including directly to the president--and some of those meetings belied the claims that Zelenskyy was surrounded by a "warm bath". However, he said in late 2022 that "maybe only 2 or 3 or 5" items of his advice were ever accepted.

First resignation

Arestovych and Yuriy Romanenko, with whom he'd had a falling-out during the 2019 elections due to their support of opposing candidates, seemed to gradually reconcile over the course of 2021. On January 15, 2022, with the threat of Russian military escalation hanging in the air, they streamed together for the first time in years...upon which Arestovych went on an epic rant about his frustrations with the OP--they weren't accomplishing enough, the people meant to change the system were becoming part of it, he feared the country was sleepwalking into disaster. His worst fear was that Russia would invade just the Donbas, so that the rest of the country would be torn between continued apathy and finger-pointing instead of uniting, the world would continue to turn a blind eye, and Ukraine would end up like the proverbial boiled frog.

A commenter later speculated he'd get into trouble over the rant, but Arestovych answered that funnily, some people in the OP actually liked it. Instead, on January 19th, he posted to Facebook that he'd quit. Opening a treason case against Poroshenko, yet failing to detain him when he returned to Ukraine, had been the final straw for him: "I can forgive many things including personal meanness towards me (that's politics, we're all Machiavelli, cynicism, cold-settling and so on). But I can't forgive weakness."

There's a lot of theorizing over whether he had some unstated motive for leaving, and to what extent he actually left. He definitely stopped participating in the TCG; one of his former coworkers was asked about him in an interview, and lamented the fallen standards and loss of communication channel with the OP in his absence. But an anonymous OP source claimed on the day of the resignation that Arestovych didn't actually tell the OP directly or sign the corresponding documents in his ragequit, and he'd since agreed to meet with Yermak. However that meeting went, Arestovych has said he remained in active communication with the OP the whole time after he quit, and certainly, regardless of what he personally believed, he continued the OP policy of downplaying the military threat to the public all the way up to the evening of February 23rd.

But he didn't seem to plan to return to the OP. He'd pledged to go to the front himself if anything happened, and in fact made arrangements with friends before the full-scale invasion. On the morning of February 24th, he was en route to the military commisariat when a call from Yermak came, telling him the OP needed him.

In his words, there were 2000 majors in the AFU, but only one Arestovych. "Chasing a Russian tank is a pleasure, but conducting information policy and fulfilling certain assignments is a duty. And as an officer, I chose duty."

People have naturally called bullshit on that story, but one of the friends he invited actually wrote a post about their plans very early on. He ribbed Arestovych for leaving the others "orphaned", but acknowledged he was in the right place at the OP.

The next (hopefully last) post will get into that wild second advisorship stint and beyond.

[chocoenvy]

"i hate that i still care for you." part 1/3

part two part three

ALL THE SUPPORT ON MY FIRST POST ALMOST KILLED ME I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YALL??? Anyways, I had wanted to explore more of what i had last time but ended up with a slightly different concept. I hope to build on both concepts seperately in the future but for now have this splurge

Warnings: suicide ideation, cult behavior, slight yandere content

Your head was heavy and swimming with an ocean of thoughts. The schools of fish were being eaten by sharks in your mind, and you were ready to be swallowed alive.

Dragonspine was cold, biting your skin. Your fingers were red and numb. They felt ready to fall off. You thought Teyvat would be different. When you had been randomly transported here out of the blue, you assumed at worst the characters wouldn't know you and how much love and care you had put into them.

But there was a much much worse option.

They hated you. The characters you adored and nurtured from level one to nintey, hated your guts. Why? You asked yourself everyday. Why did they hate you?

You tried to ask, you assumed Jean would be willing to listen to you. She was the acting grand master of the city of freedom after all, so you assumed a fair trial or something came with that. But she chased you out of Mondstat, and you escaped by the skin of your teeth.

Would she have killed me? You wonder sometimes, If I hadn't ran, would she?

Thoughts like that of your bevloved characters... it made it hard to live. The only thing keeping you alive was your own will and it was breaking. You didn't have much of a will in your own world, much less now that literally everyone even the players you had given powerful weapons and artifacts, those you had grinded days for to get them to their full potential.

Everybody you adored hated you.

A sob escaped past your lips and you shivered. Dragonspine was quiet. It wasn't welcoming but neither were the gates of Mondstat, Liyue, or Inazuma. The lack of people just made it better.

A dark part of your mind slithered it's way in the rational. Corrupted your will to live and be strong, injecting doubt into you. Wouldn't it be better to jump down from the top of Dragonspine?

You ignored the thought. Rationel took over quickly as that was it's job. You needed food and shelter. Somewhere nobody would hurt you but you also wouldn't freeze to death.

I wonder... In the corner of your eye, just like on the screen of the game, you could "see" a minimap of where you were. Is Albedo in his lab?

You had nowhere else to go, so you decided why not? The worse that could happen was...

Well the worst that could happen was that you'd die. And that's not that bad is it?

You trudged your way to Albedo's lab. It wasn't that hard considering the teleportation devices all around Teyvat still worked for you, but with your weak body it was absolutely exahausting.

Collapsing in the workshop, you found that it was empty.

Thank God. You sighed.

A fire was lit and you scurried towards it on your hands and knees. Scraping your already battered and scarred skin. You huddled in on yourself and idly watched the fire. Your body grew warmer and your brain became foggier. Eventually, your body curled in on itself and you were out like a light.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~

That was quite a while ago. Albedo had found you and warmed you up, able to recognize you without any trouble. He could feel it. The feeling of you possessing him when you were merely a force that could control characters. When you chose to play him, it was intoxicating, and touching your real body with his hands was gratifying.

With Albedo's support, he and what was left of Khaenri'ah were now your loyal acolytes. Those that had harmed you came knocking on your doorstep, begging for forgivenss. It was enough to get you drunk on power.

But paradise wasn't perfect. Far from it. You sat at a table alone, awaiting the three archons' arrival. Despite the khaenrians' and the abyss princesses' pleas, you needed to do this. You needed to face them.

The door opened, "Your grace-" The immediately began, trying to save their own skin from what they expected to be your wrath.

"Save it." You snapped, facing away from them. You took a deep breath. They'd listen to their god right? They'd listen to a merciless god... right? Your hands shook knowing they were behind you but you had to get it out, "What you did to me was unforgivable. I was- I am so scared to just walk outside! And for what? Just 'cause I look like your god? No- because I am your god! What is up with all of you, you act like children!" You snarled at your own lap, refusing to turn to look at them. You knew what would happen if you did. "I don't care if someone is actually trying to copy my looks, as long as they're not claiming to be me I don't want any harm to befall them. If they claim to be me I will handle them. You will not touch them. Nobody deserves that especially since-" Shit. You sniffled and wipped your nose with your sleeve, "Especially since I cared so much for you. I-" You inhaled shakily, this was the revenge you dreamed for. Right?

Wrong.

"If I was dead, would they all be happy?"

They didn't wait for the rest of your spiel, they shouted their protests at once.

You raised a hand and they fell silent. "I wondered that everyday. I loved you guys so much. You were the characters- the people I nurtured into unstoppable forces not even the abyss could stop." A hiccup escaped your mouth, tears fell from your eyes. You know what'll happen if you look back- You turned your head to gaze at the three archons bowing before your chair, their heads downcast, shame leaking from their eyes in the form of dewy teardrops. You smiled, a small scoff passing your lips, "And yet despite all you've put me through," Your gaze softened, "I still adore you."

[greyskyflowers]

Op for the Zoro’s earring post could we get a little bit about Jimbei’s comfort from it? (You don’t have to obviously lmao)

I really need to start adding Jinbe to my stuff, I just have such a hard time because I feel like I don't know him as well as I do some of the other characters. I didn't grow up with him and while I love him dearly, he's still a bit of a stranger to me. However I'm more than happy to give it my best!

Personally I fully believe Jinbe has his ears pierced already. Probably multiple times actually.

I also imagine he's always the smallest bit confused by the strawhat crew, doesn't really understand why they do what they do. They're weird, even for what he's seen, but he also knows that maybe he doesn't need to know. Sometimes you just have to accept something being strange and press forward like the tide.

I don't think it would even occur to anyone to explain the earring thing to Jinbe until it actually comes up. Which would be a very chaotic time to try to explain something as confusing as why Zoro does what he does and how this became a thing.

So, yeah. Jinbe's a little lost the first time Zoro gives him an earring. He feels ridiculous standing there with the piece of jewelry looking comically small in his big hand. He keeps looking between it and Zoro a few times with hope that he'll get an explanation.

He doesn't.

Luffy just beams and Sanji huffs out a laugh between clouds of smoke. None of the rest of the crew looks surprised, he'd almost say they all look approving.

It's Robin who takes pity on him, gives him one of her small smiles before explaining it to him.

And really it should be funny. Zoro is half his age and while the swordsman is an incredible fighter, more than fit to stand next to the future pirate king, Jimbe has years of experience over him. Years of learning how to deal with the anxiety and nervousness that comes with battle. He can't imagine that this will actually be helpful although he is touched by the sentiment.

But... It's comforting in a way he hadn't expected.

He keeps waiting for the feeling of unease at such a claim, of almost possessiveness, but it never comes.

Instead it's like the first time he realized he wanted to join Luffy or he called himself a strawhat.

It feels a little like a piece of home.

[eatsbop]

Tulio anger management post

It's like what Annie Wilkes said, he didn't get out of the cock-a-doodie car.

Peetee let me down and if anything, it's because he's lazy.

Maybe I'm not qualified to nitpick like wtf I ain't shit but you know, it just pisses me off like I've been holding this in, bro. I tried my best. I'm here for the hell of it but it's been pissing me off so bad for so long.

Anyway, idk where to even start.. but let's just talk about my major beef.

He didn't get out the cock-a-doodie car. In the last chapter rocketman was stuck in a car and it careened down a cliff.. but then next chapter they show us, rocketman is safe. He got out of the car after all.

Annie was right about that one thing, that ain't playing fair.

It's just fucking lazy writing, bro. Like sure, I'm glad my guy is fine. Han Wanguk gets squashed by the hydraulic press one chapter then NO he ACTUALLY didn't, fooled ya. Baek Seongjoon had given up the last of his ghost, NO actually he didn't. He's actually fueled by the power of love. What the fuck, Romeo.

Okay, sure. Let's say we can forgive the whole Wanguk thing. Things happened before Jenny left the cargo container. But can you explain what SJ's little office tantrum was for then? What about his 5 ep flashback? Okay, let's say the whole beating up and almost crippling a bunch of teenagers is his attempt to maintain his cover cause you know, he's still hoping his little jig to infiltrate Taesan's ranks hadn't completely collapsed just yet. What was he being so dramatic in his office for? Did Jenny install security cameras in SJ's control room to monitor him like a lab rat? Doubt it. Then later he showed us a panel of SJ calling his dad-in-law, "ooh don't get mad at yoo hobin uwuwu". What? What what. Make it make sense.

You know the whole bad-guy-actually-sweet-guy worked for Taehoon's case cause meowmeow had a build up. I don't know why Peetee's so keen on recycling ideas that he sold before. The only thing it does is make the entire meal bland and over chewed.

Seo Seongun goes feral. Cool, show-stopping, fresh, spicy.. but every other character going feral during fights too? Don't these mofos have any integrity. I only need one Sammy. That position is already taken. I'm good. Stop copy-pasting him over everyone, it makes Sammy look regular.

I don't understand why Peetee needs to do this except out of laziness. He could write characters like Olly and Jiho. Why would he cut corners when he could do better? I'm happy how he handled Jiho. He didn't turn op like everyone else. He just kept doing his little Jiho deeds as little evil Jiho within his little Jiho bounds.

Uuurghgg.. I'm so pissed.

Anyway. Must you really spell out the situation for Yoo Hobin. It's so fucking literal, it hurts my pride. Oooh he's the good guy, the protagonist. He does good things. He's the hero. Because SJ is actually a good guy and he's working for the common good because love.. wins. No, it didn't. That's fucking bullshit, my guy. Can't you dig more into Hobin's character? Say, what's wrong with falling victim to the consequences of your actions? Can't a dude struggle because he made bad life decisions? Might it not be homeboy burrowed himself too deep into this fucking mess with no way out and now he's trying to wriggle away and survive and.. and.. cause man.. the economy is just this bad. Making a living is so fucking complicated. Making a living while having a conscience is sheer fucking torture. I wish I can sell everyone out but nah, I'm better than that uwu I'm Yoo "The Man" Hobin.

But no it's just, Yoo Hobin is.. good guy. He is.. good guy and he do.. the good things. Because I'm too lazy to explore his character uwu.

(Can you fucking tell I'm sitting bored in a waiting room? Yes, I'm sitting bored in a waiting room. I don't have the energy for any of this but I am full of spite and I'm so fucking bored.)

As for the stuff regarding him being a bigot.. Okay, let me just say.. I never had any real hope or expectation for any form of media, series, title, whatever else in regards to things like representation and all that. I don't, I'm fed up. And Peetee is too fucking fan-servicey to be trusted. Like he gives us a dick shot and call it a day. I'm sick of all the marketing ploys and all the fucking rainbow filter slapped in every fucking logo every pride month.

Anyway, whatever. Didn't Yeonwoo's dad recognize SJ's lady as uh.. some politician's daughter? Like yea, let's all pretend you build that up, Peetee. Good job, man.

[ossy-serenity]

Thank you for bringing this up OP, it got me inspired to share my opinions over the topic too. Hope it doesn't come off as me repeating your points, this is all in good intentions !!

Hope this will be an interesting read too-

So

Imo, the car represents a lot of things

Such as Kevin being integrated legally back into human society to some degree. It implies that he has a driver's license & legal paperwork done for the car itself

For example, the speeding tickets he already has and got at the begining of AF, he must have handed the policemen something to get so many to begin with

Or when he's avoiding getting them all together later on. It shows his growth/being more responsible

That driver's license also offered a bunch of opportunities from the series' first episodes (aside from the marketing standpoint)

Such as the trio being able to travel pretty much anywhere/hang out without needing an adult around / having to be seen by the general public (ex: them going on missions, being able to stand guard, going to Mr Smoothy, etc.)

When Kevin is kidnapped by the Plumber's Helpers, we very well see how Ben and Gwen deal with the situation

Kevin even at one point jokes about the fact that they hung out with him at first just because he could drive. And Ben- agrees

His usefulness in the team even feels threatened at one point after he loses his powers.

Kevin: Great. So now I'm just a chauffeur? What happens when you two finally get your licenses?

Another add on since I've made this post !!

This kind of behavior is also featured in UA when he doesn't get to be the driver for a change.

Kevin: I like it better when I drive.

Driving the team seems to be something very personal to him. He probably sees it as one of main contributes to the team in a way.

Moving on

The car shows/hints at Kevin's social life, excluding the Tennysons. It shows that he actually has "connections"

There's that one time it's referenced that he goes drag racing around Los Soledad's general area with other people.

He's known for this attitude at this point. There's also the party he threw, referenced in the same episode

He's known in town as the "bad boy", despite the fact that he probably hadn't been there for a long period of time. For most- he probably showed up out of nowhere one day.

And so, probably is respected but mostly feared by the ones who've heard of him.

Techadon-Corrupted!Cash: And no one can stop me, not even your friend Kevin-! That's right - I kicked Kevin Levin's butt !

Cash & JT even try to show their social strenght over the community by messing up with Kevin's car. The car is known/recognized by people

The vehicle helps strengthen this image/persona for Kevin. He also cares in a way about appearances than it seems

Moving on again

Then there's Kevin's part time job at Ed's garage. Again, it shows that Kevin has a source of income / some stability

Working with vehicles is one of his favorite ways he interacts with the world. And that's because he's good at it.

Considering his lack of formal education, he tries to cover up for his lack of knowledge with his skills

Example being how he preffered working on the Rustbucket 3 than going on a mission in "Catching a Falling Star"

To me, it always seemed like a way to represent his self worth. For example, how many coats of paint he puts on the car, how many upgrades he's given it, how many upgrades HE STILL WANTS to give it, etc.

This need to improve his vehicle reminds me of Kevin's general arc as a character. The constant need to change and evolve in order to benefit the upcoming challenges life offers.

It makes sense for him to be someone easily adaptable to his surroundings too, considering the times he was homeless + Null Void years. He's a survivor despite the circumstances.

Even Ben acknowledges this directly and seems to - admire this trait. He even uses it to try and encourage / push his friend to do better. He knows he can do better:

Ben: You've been to the Null Void and back, I'm sure you can handle the spring formal !

It's Kevin who doesn't think so - considering his lack of normal interactions with people who present a threat to his self-esteem /those who could be higher socially. We already know he interacted with Michael since they first met

Did I change the subject slightly? Yeah-

Now getting back to the topic again

These improvements he's given to his car have saved the team on numerous ocassions

To him, these upgrades are very well justified and it shows how much he cares about the safety of himself and others. He very well feels responsible for his passengers

Also, it's probably because of pride and cockiness too. He can do so many things to his car, why not do them lol

It's a way of self expression and utility to him - he's an artist in this aspect. He's having fun while doing it, being something he does whenever he has free time.

Those examples including building Ben's car, talking about plumber vehicles, wanting to make his car submersible, etc.

This has negative sides too, being noted in canon that him sleeping in his garage can be a regular occurrence. Which Gwen discourages / tells him to improve upon.

This car is probably the first thing he'd owned since he got out of the Null Void. No one's, just - his.

His protective nature of his car is well-known and demonstrated right in the first episode

Magister Labrid: Still think I should drive.

Kevin: Nobody drivers the car but me-!

And we see it again in "Paradox", even as an old man, he was more-so worried about the state of his car than - himself. This negligence over his well-being is noteworthy

Old!Kevin while the car being aged down: No ! Not the car ! Not the CAR !!!

Old!Kevin when he sees Paradox: Can you fix my car?

Kevin, after being turned back at his present age: Alright professor, if you wouldn't mind fixing my car.

And the most noteworthy moment of Kevin's protective nature over his car is for sure in UA's "The Enemy of My Enemy"

In which he gets overly defensive when he assumes that the Ben & Gwen "stole" it. When they were in fact, trying to keep it safe

Ultimate!Kevin: And stealing my car? Big mistake.

The way he reacts to Gwen when she denies it just shows- how unstable he's getting

And how their fight ends is significant too.

He leaped after the car when he could have went after the Tennyons and try to finish what he started.

But he didn't.

He went down to catch the car and presumably put it down safely.

In a moment where his mind was a disaster

Food for thought.

And now, towards closing this

I always believed that he bought the car as a present of "welcome back" for himself. A sweet 16 present, you can say

And also, to not have too much money on him on Earth to not be suspicious / for his safety

Of course, I could very well be overly analyzing things. I'm well aware that he's also just a - himbo who's also well knowledged in physics/mechanics. He nerds over this because he can and he's good at it. And we love him for it !!

I never really enjoyed the jokes where someone's treasured possession gets destroyed in any kind of media. I'm an extremely-attached-to-specific-objects-kind of person. Again, I could be biased

Some notes about this post:

1. I own his car in toy form and I love it a lot !! I may post a pic of it if anyone's curious

2. I may add another post related to this if I get more thoughts over this. I tried to sum up as much as I could.

(Edit: already added new quotes and examples from the show. Such as other AF & UA moments to solify my point. Feel free to re-read the post to find them !! I haven't mentioned OV in this because I haven't seen much of it. I may do a follow-up if anyone wants me to after I'd watch the episodes featuring Kevin. Feel free to lmk)

3. I may edit the post at some parts if I find grammar flubs / wanting to explain a point better (Already working on it)

Slightly unrelated but I've always interpreted the black stripes as an 11 lmao

just thinking about kevin and his car. idk just something about it feels like it has alot of meaning i just can't really articulate it. like.. how it's basically his only possession, like his entire life revolves around it. considering he ran away from home and has never had a stable home, family or any sense of normalcy, having ONE thing that is HIS, that he can care for in his way, to have one thing to connect with people about, even just to drive someone somewhere. probably means alot to him. and then it gets crushed by big cartoon anvil every episode or something