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moonchild033 · 2 months ago

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Moon in the houses (Part 2)💅✨

This is primarily based on how Moon is related to CHANGES and what possible changes moon placements can bring over time. I've included some other random points too.💛

(These observations are based on the whole sign system, sidereal charts and all obs are subject to change with other aspects in the chart, so don't conclude anything with a single placement, take whatever that resonates and leave the rest,hope you enjoy giving it a read, take it lightly!) ❤

Moon in 7th house- You could have a dependent personality especially if it's in a water/earth sign. 7H water moons can be openly expressive about it with their partners that they like to be clingy and value companionship a lot, this can even manifest into them indulging in their partner's life too much without leaving space for any personal boundaries. 7H moons can change from being dependent to growing out as an independent person when their feelings and needs were repeatedly misunderstood or hurt by their loved ones, this can be a potential change that will happen in these people. Partner can have a complex personality, difficult to understand or moody. The people they get acquainted in life, not essentially friendships, just the circle of people they have can sound like people pleasers. In man's chart, they can have many female friendships if moon is placed well. Some of you can eat more when feeling anxious or stressed.🤗🤗

Moon in 8th house- You could potentially sense death incidents in your surrounding. You can ooze self pride a lot, difficulty in asking for help to anyone even if you are in need. You opt to struggle by yourself rather than voicing out that you actually need help. Your intelligence will not be limited to specific areas, you have exceptional analytical skills where you go to the root and think everything deeply. You could've been someone who is constantly questioning yourself and having a pessimistic mentality towards life in general, you don't express it outside but you could've struggled with self esteem issues in earlier life stages leading to anxiety and lesser self confidence, then you learn how to navigate through your strengths and wield it in a way that makes u feel more confident. Your confidence stems from feeling powerful, which can make you addicted towards improving your area of strengths and focus on being better than others, this could be the change you can have in later stages where you learn to transform yourself rather than give in to that low self esteem and pessimistic little voice in your mind.💪💪

Moon in 9th house- You could've been a person who wasn't very open minded or judgemental about others ' way of thinking and living life. Your life approach and how you think could be influenced by the teachings of your mother or grandmother. You could've given unsolicited life advice to the people you cared about, based on what you think about their situations, later you realize no one thinks of unsolicited advice as a form of caring as you do and refrain from doing it excessively. The change you might experience as you grow up is the expansion of your thinking, widely accepting things outside your societal norms and becoming a non judgemental friend to anyone. You can be emotionally connected to the places you travel, you are the person who says 'I left a piece of my heart there'. You would collect things from the places you visited, not a famous thing, but something unique that makes you feel sentimental about that particular place and cherish it. You can have a dream of pursuing higher education in foreign places. For taurus and gemini ascendants, this could cause a strained relationship with mom or a mother who was distant or absent. If your sun is well placed, you can be more attached to your father who could've possibly played the role of your mother.❤❤

Moon in 10th house- You can be popular in your workplace and have many friends. You tend to be walking on eggshells, adjusting to people and can sound like a people pleaser. Sometimes you can get caught between two people who don't like each other and you're forced to play a mediator. You don't choose sides easily, that's why you can have friendship with most of the colleagues. Even though you have an image of a pleasant person at work, you can be prone to high levels of stress and sometimes even crying in the bathroom when the workload gets too much, you are not a workaholic, it can make you feel depressed easily. You are sensitive to criticism at work, you would reassess a lot before submitting your assigned task. This can also be an indicator where your passion is in a totally different field from where you work now and you can be prone to changing jobs or even the field from time to time. You would socialize after your work time with colleagues, like in the cafeteria but many times you would mentally force yourself to do so, as you have a hard time saying 'NO' at the workplace. Later, you learn to prioritize yourself, quit from jobs if it's too much stress on you, say NO to the boss if he's asking you to work overtime and tell 'bye' to ur colleagues right after your shift ends and go right to your bed to relax. This could be a change you develop over time.💖💖

Moon in 11th house- You could have a close knit of friends you care about a lot rather than a whole lot of random people. You love the depth of friendship, where you can have deep conversations with each other and be emotionally connected. You rarely entertain the type of friends who just exploit you in later life stages but you are helpful to anyone who comes to you with their problems as you are a great listener and empathetic. You could be that kid who still remembers their best friend from school or is still in contact with them closely. Some people can have the same best friend from their primary/middle school. You could feel like your friends come to you only when they need your help or support, you can feel one sided or way too giving and available always in earlier friendships which can make you to be selective about your circle in a later age. Your elder siblings can lean on you for emotional support and you will gladly provide it for them. You can come off as a different individual than what people would've assumed about you as your social tendencies can fluctuate from time to time, your social battery can go from being very high to living under a rock. Your uniqueness in thinking and approaching emotional situations in a logical way and difference in perspectives can make u feel incompatible with most people but you love the mental stimulation you get from like minded people and can talk with them for hours. Your income can be from multiple sources apart from your main job especially if mercury is involved too. For some people, You feel like a sponge absorbing the energies of people around you in a social setting, which can be draining your own liveliness but you always try your best to lighten up everyone around you. You have difficulty in expressing your emotions as your words are often misinterpreted and you end up murmuring 'no that's not what I meant'.💞💞

Moon in 12th house- Mother could've been hospitalized for a long time or they can be mentally unstable with either being closed off entirely or showing drastic emotional outbursts which can lead you to become a quiet person trying their best to control and turn off their emotions all the time. Traveling to foreign lands, away from home gives you a state of mental peace as your home can be a reminder of your suppressed emotional state, how you were forced to mature as a kid. Instead you can turn towards spirituality and seek solace in that. Your intuitive and psychic nature helps you in understanding the complexities of the human mind, making you an extraordinary person for people to confide in. In earlier stages, you appear as a calm person but inside you carry too much emotional turmoil. The change you face is that you gradually learn to embrace your scars and let go of all the emotional baggage the moment you turn towards spirituality. Your outer demeanor will start to match your inner being, both calm and detached from worldly attachments and emotional sufferings. You could've yearned for deep, soul melting emotional connections but later have philosophical realization phases. You love sleeping but can be frustrated about how much of a light sleeper you are or just how disturbed you sleep. You could have irregular sleep schedules and watery eyes. You have vivid dreams that almost feel so real most of the time. At the younger phase, you could have the habit of isolating yourself and hiding from crowded places when you're hurt, in a fear of lashing out on somebody else or getting your emotional side exposed. You like a partner who can sit in silence with you and understand you without exchanging conversations. You are also highly likely to only have intimacy with the person you feel deeply connected with, flings can make you feel like your energy's been disturbed or just empty inside. At your lower state, you can indulge in compulsive addictions and have flings but if someone with this placement had that phase, they would've felt entirely devastated and overcame it with much difficulty.🌷🌷

With Love- Yashi ❤⚡

Moon in houses part 1 here✨

Masterlist 💖

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splonk-fox · 7 months ago

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The flaws of Jax and Ragatha, and why they matter to Pomni's character arc.

Within the two episodes of The Amazing Digital Circus that have been released so far as of writing this post, there have been two characters who have been given the most attention and depth out of any of the cast (ignoring Pomni obviously), and those two characters are Ragatha and Jax.

The duo consisting of the kindhearted optimist and the meanspirited pessimist have without a doubt become some of the most interesting characters to analyze within this series so far thanks to how much meaningful screentime and character depth they have been given within the the two episodes that we viewers have been fortunate enough to witness with our very eyes.

But why is this? Why is it that these two have received special attention from the writers so far, and what role do they play in Pomni's character journey? Well I believe I may have found the answer, and it's unfortunately one that does not spell a good future for these characters. But to truly understand where I am coming from, we must first understand who these two characters are and how they relate to our main protagonist.

To start off with the kindest of the duo, we have already learned quite a lot about Ragatha thanks to the two episodes she has been featured in so far.

Her most prominent character trait is without a doubt her kindness. She is the first person to really be genuinely nice to Pomni upon her entrance to the circus and spends the rest of the episode showing her around the place and trying her best to help her get settled in.

She's also someone who doesn't like to be overly blunt with her responses, such is shown when Pomni asks how they leave the circus, to which Ragatha, instead of just saying that she couldn't, phrases it in a way that makes it sound as if they simply haven't found a way to leave yet, this was obviously done in an attempt to not freak Pomni out too much, though this doesn't really go anywhere thanks to Jax.

Now that's great and all, Ragatha's a nice person, you can easily observe that through casual watches of the show, looking deeper however, you can see that there is a lot more going on with Ragatha than she would like to make you believe.

Insecurity is another trait that Ragatha has that, while not shown off as prominently as her optimism, is still very important to Ragatha's character.

As we see in episode 2 of the series, one of Ragatha's biggest fears is not being liked. She vents to Kinger about how she feels like Pomni doesn't really like her that much, and that clearly scares her. And why wouldn't it? The end of episode 2 makes it clear that one of the most important things in this show when it comes to keeping the main cast mentally stable, is their sense of community.

They're all in this together, they have each other's backs and will do their best to be there for each other when it's needed. That is what is communicated to us within the second episode through Kaufmo's funeral.

This segment of the episode, while somber in its tone, is also one that instills hope within Pomni and the viewer. Because it shows that despite everything, the circus members do care about each other. That abstraction is something that affects everyone and it isn't something that is just brushed off immediately, which if you recall, was the crux of Pomni's fears as seen at the beginning of the second episode, the fear of being forgotten, the fear of no one caring.

"I don't even remember her name honestly" - Dream Jax.

So with how the importance of community has been firmly established within this show's messaging at this point, it should be no surprise that Ragatha's biggest fear is not having that community. Of people not liking you, of people hating you. So how does Ragatha solve this?

Repression, that's how. Of all of Ragatha's personality traits her tendency to not display her true feelings towards things are without a doubt the most damaging.

The best example of this is how she reacts to Pomni abandoning her for the exit. The pilot would lead you to believe that she was mad at Pomni for doing this, that she didn't trust her anymore because of this selfish act.

And yet, that's all brushed to the side in the following episode. Ragatha is back to her optimistic self and is saying that everything is fine! That it was completely understandable and that there was no bad blood between them. Yet you can tell that isn't the whole truth, that Ragatha really didn't get over what Pomni had done to her that easily.

Now do I think Ragatha hates Pomni or secretly resents her? No, not really. I do think she's being honest when she says that she doesn't hold anything against her for doing this. But that doesn't mean she wasn't hurt by it. We can see clear as day from the pilot that this did affect her, so why does she act like she doesn't?

Because, from her perspective, her feelings do not matter. The only thing that does is to make sure Pomni is able to adjust, to make sure that everyone is happy, that everyone is still somewhat sane within the circus, and so she compromises her emotions in order to do this. Gooseworx has even said it herself that Ragatha often says things she doesn't necessarily mean in order to ease tensions. She doesn't want to cause conflict, she doesn't want people to fight with each other because she understands how important community is to the members of the circus persisting.

Yet in the midst of all of this, what Ragatha fails to realize is that with how she currently handles things, she is paving the way for her own mental break.

Ragatha, in her attempts to be there for others, has walled herself off from others being there for her. By lying about how she really feels about things, by acting as if she is fine, she is not allowing herself the emotional vulnerability necessary for others to be there for her when she needs it.

The closest thing we have had to this so far is with Kinger, and while having someone she feels comfortable enough to lament her feelings around is a good thing, this is one person, one person who is... not exactly mentally stable, to put it lightly. Is not exactly an end all be all solution to her problems.

Kinger being the only person who Ragatha can rely on is only gonna work for a limited amount of time, the more she represses, the more she hides her true emotions and clear mental instability, the closer she is to meeting a cruel fate, one that no one would be able to save her from because no one even realized there was something wrong with her. For in her pursuit to make everyone else happy, she has sacrificed her own happiness, as a result.

And then there's Jax.

Jax, in a lot of ways, is pretty much the polar opposite of Ragatha. While her leading trait is kindness, Jax's leading trait is being a complete and utter asshole. And while Ragatha is all about answering things in a roundabout way to ease stress, Jax is all about the blunt answers.

This is best shown to us in the pilot when, in the same scene where Ragatha tries to answer Pomni's question of "how do I leave?" in a way that wouldn't stress her out too heavily, Jax goes straight in with the "you can't". Jax is a pessimist, he has accepted that there is no way out, and is simply riding things as they go by.

Jax's leading character trait is all about causing as much chaos as he can for the sake of his own satisfaction. He doesn't care about how others feel, the only thing he cares about is causing as much chaos as possible simply because he can.

Yet that isn't all that's going on with Jax, there's something deeper here, something more complex.

When it comes to the scenes everyone points to when saying that Jax has a lot more going on with him than meets the eye, the scene where he reacts to Kaufmo's funeral is the one everyone looks at with an analytical lens, and that's for a good reason.

For I think this little scene might just tell us a lot more about Jax than we think.

One thing that I've come to notice about Jax's brand of chaos is that it's very reliant on others' reactions. All of the chaos he causes, all of the absurd and awful things he does are for the sake of seeing how others react. From throwing Pomni over the side of a truck and attempting to use her as a human bridge, or literally everything that he does to Gangle, it's all reaction-based, and that made me realize that, despite how selfish and uncaring he acts towards everyone else, community is still the one thing that truly matters most.

He needs the others so that they can react to his hijinx, as they are what give said actions meaning. If he had no crowd to watch as he acts like a shitty person, then he has no reason to do anything. But that is also where Jax's true character flaw comes in, his selfishness.

With how Jax is constantly pushing others around for the sake of his own amusement, Jax is very clearly a self-centered person. He is someone who is in it for himself and no one else. Who cares if others don't like him? Who cares if others despise him? As long as he gets to see funny things happen to people, he is gonna be okay.

But what happens when that method is no longer effective? What happens when the others don't give him the reaction he wants? What happens when he can no longer use chaos as a way to distract from the pointlessness of his reality?

Well, as scary as this may be to think about, Jax won't really have much of anything to fall back on. His cruel actions have wrote him into a corner. No one likes him, that much is obvious. And while Jax seems content with this now? What happens when he is put in the position of needing someone else's help?

Well, then he'll have no one, and it's ironically for the exact opposite reason to Ragatha. Ragatha's problem is that she is constantly repressing her emotions, despite the fact that she has people who care about her, she doesn't open up to them because in her eyes, her feelings are secondary to others'.

Yet Jax is the opposite, he's honest, he is self-centered, and that's also why he is one of the members who are in this most danger.

In a show that seems to be about how important community is and how important it is to stay together and be there for each other? To have a character who is the complete opposite of that. To have someone who doesn't care about others, who won't be there when someone else is hurting. To have someone who is actively making things harder for everyone... that just spells out demise.

Jax's true weakness is that he does not have a community who will be there for him when he needs it, he was never there for others so why should they be there for him? Meaning that when Jax is at the end of his rope, crying out for help, no one will listen, because as cruel as it sounds, most of the members would probably be happy that he's gone.

While this does admittedly rely a bit on speculation, I think what I've stated above might be the true reason for why Jax looked sad for a moment when the other characters were talking about the funerals held for those who have abstracted. Because in that small moment, he realizes he might not get a funeral of his own when he "dies", or if he did, no one would really have anything nice to say about him.

And that fear, that knowing of how the way you've built yourself up by putting others down has lead to everyone hating you, to everyone not having a single good thing to say about you... that is terrifying. And yet he hides it, he walks away, he refuses to attend the funeral because then he will have to be confronted with the uncomfortable reality of the fact that he won't die as someone who was remembered for doing good things.

The only thing he'll be remembered for, is how much everyone hated him. And all of that brings us right back, to Pomni.

I said at the beginning of this post, as well as with the title itself, that Ragatha and Jax matter to Pomni's character arc, but why is this? Sure they're both main characters so obviously they're going to influence her journey going forward, but how exactly does any of this matter to Pomni? It's simple really.

Ragatha and Jax represent two extremes, they represent what happens when you lean too far in one direction. In one case, it is caring too much about others and not caring about yourself, and in the other, it's caring too much about yoursef and not caring about others.

Pomni has already shown traits of both Jax and Ragatha. She has shown an empathetic, kindhearted side as seen in her interactions with Gummigoo, and she has shown a selfish side, as seen when she abandoned Ragatha for the "exit" in the pilot.

Pomni has shown herself to be both selfish and selfless. But what part of her matters more? Simple answer, both. It is important to care about others while also taking time to take care of yourself. Ragatha and Jax show what happens when you forget to do one of these things.

By always taking care of others, you're forgetting to take care of yourself, and by always taking care of yourself, you fail to take care of others. To find a healthy balance is to do both. To be aware of your own mental health while also making sure that others are doing okay too. And this is something that Pomni will need to realize if she is going to make it in the circus.

And this is where Jax and Ragatha become important. I believe these two will show Pomni how important it is to keep a balance of things. To not lean too far in one direction, as if you do, it spells bad news for you either way. And how will this be communicated to her and the audience?

Abstraction.

Think about it. If Ragatha and Jax's harmful practices continue without change and they end up abstracing because of it, that will be a wakeup call to Pomni, it will show her the flaws of being too selfless, and too selfish. Is it an extreme way to communicate such message? Sure, but it's also one that can't be ignored.

We, the audience, and Pomni, would see first hand the consequences of leaning too far in either direction, that if you don't find a balance, you will end up like Jax and Ragatha did.

And that's why I think these two in particular have been given so much screentime and attention these past two episodes. Because they are meant to show us the most extreme versions of Pomni's most prominent character traits.

The ability to care about yourself, and the ability to care about others.

Of course, I might be wrong in this assessment. We are far too early in the show's runtime to truly predict any big events like this. But from a narrative standpoint, I believe this interpretation makes the most sense in the way of showing us the audience, and Pomni, what truly matters. It's not just about you, it's not just about others, it's about both.

Thank you for reading.

#the amazing digital circus #tadc pomni #tadc ragatha #tadc jax #character study #analysis

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disregardandfelicity · 7 months ago

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i was lucky enough to attend the premiere on tuesday (as the +1 of a contest winner); in case this is of interest (and, indulgently, to preserve it for my own memory), here are some tidbits from my night:

for the screening, the cast had assigned seats (jacob and delainey in the same row, sam behind jacob, eric behind sam, assad on the other side of the aisle, the same side as rolin, hannah, and mark johnson). sam and jacob were off to the side chatting during intros and never sat in theirs

delainey got applause from the audience upon her first on screen appearance, the only cast member to get one

daniel had a fair few interview beats which got laughs from the audience

afterwards, an actor from the venue came up and gave a little speech as though he was from a sister coven to the TdV in paris. then we were dismissed to the party, which was upstairs

initially post party, assad and luke were in the front larger room of the reception - sam and jacob were, i believe, already gathered in a far back corner in the second room, along with some other people. eric didn't stay for the party

the venue had a couple little 'shows' - at one point the whole cast and some other guests went up several flights of stairs to a room (delainey commented on how many flights there were as we climbed) where a version of the no pain scene from the books was reenacted by venue actors

kalyne coleman was there, i saw her chatting with jacob. i let her cut in front of me for drinks as an excuse to talk to her. there's a nod to grace in the episode and it sounded like that was a surprise to her (a pleasant one!)

my conversations with the cast were deeply unsubstantive, i was too pleased to be there to come up with anything too clever or probing to say tbh

when i spoke to jacob, i started by saying "sorry" (just reflexively) and he immediately, very warmly, was like what are you apologizing for! when i said how excited i was for the season and he said something like 'i hope it doesn't disappoint' (which i did think was surprisingly pessimistic for a premiere party lol but having seen the quote about hoping ppl still like louis by the end, maybe he is actually a tad concerned! i did obviously say i didn't think it would)

sam was the best at these meetings because he very naturally asks questions back. i told him i loved him in the newsreader as well, and he asked whether i was pirating it (i'm not exactly, i had a vpn). then we all walked off to do that no pain scene experience

after the no pain scene, we exited down some stairs which opened to the second smaller room. assad was behind me so i asked him who did it better (these actors or the show), and we joked about that. he then introduced himself to me, and when i couldn't help noting that i did in fact know who he was, he said he would never want to assume. sam came up to us and assad introduced him to me, and i got the joy of saying we'd met!

(SKIP this bullet if you don't want newsreader vibes-based spoilers) sam asked me what i liked better, iwtv or the newsreader. i said iwtv but that newsreader was great and season 2 was so sad! he said season 3 is the last of the series, and told me it's dark and bleak, worse than season 2, maybe only a second of peace/happiness at the end. so. there's that to look forward to....

he also told me about the crossover staffing between shows (emma and the DOP). i tried to ask if he was responsible for any of that but dont think i articulated it well but he said 'you want to work with the people you like'

my delainey convo was brief, i turned while we were walking up to the no pain thing and realized she was next to me, so just took the opportunity to let her know i was excited about her in next season

around 10-ish, sam and jacob left to (i believe?) go to levan's friends bar, along with hannah and others i didn't recognize. assad and luke were around for another 30-40 minutes after that, then the whole thing ended at 11. i didn't notice when or with who delainey left

delainey, as far as i noticed, did the least mingling; assad and luke did the most. generally speaking (and as expected) sam and jacob hung around together or in the same spaces. also perhaps as expected, assad and luke were hanging around together for lots of the night. at the end of the night, when it felt less burdensome to ask, i got a pic with those two. they were very cool about it, luke was sweet, we'd spoken earlier, he stuck out his tongue for one of the shots and he found me again later to chat

that photocall video i took (above) was after the 'no pain' experience.

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #mine

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hopelessdazai · 5 months ago

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✿ 》 the bed is a nice place to be, but it's time to get up now.

╰⧼ 🍂 note.. ⧽ ; I'm really hoping this does well , I'm quite proud of it. I dotn expect it to get far because its not smut but please share it around !! I love u <3

╰⧼ 🍘 features.. ⧽ ; dazai x gn!reader. WC ; 2.7k

╰⧼ 🕰 contents.. ⧽ ; angst, references and mentions of self harm, references to potential eating disorders, mentions of spiders, dazai is a pessimistic bastard,

the night was always calming. always quiet. always cold enough for the breeze to allow for any physical feelings to run through the body - the tingles across skin and the chill air that almost cuts the cheek.

dazai liked the night. and laying in the grass of an empty park at 3 in the morning wasn't as unusual to him as it would be to an outsider.

who are you?

that was the question. always what ran through his mind. who are you? not his name, not his hobbies. him. to define and determine himself. what was he? who was he? how was he supposed to know?

not human - was his response. always the same, as repetitive as it was. humanity was a struggle, to know when to let yourself feel, and to know when to stop. those unspoken standards seemed to be known by everyone but him.

was he strange for never letting himself feel at all? or would people understand it was easier? difficulties between people - to be misunderstood was his greatest phobia. one to face on the daily. why was it so difficult? so difficult to know?

the grass brushed against his cheek, it was quiet. brunette curls that framed his face now swept back. dazai closed his eyes. maybe he needed the tranquility, maybe he needed to run from it all.

the playground was the best place to be for him. he had never been allowed to step foot in one before - always told he was too mature to need it. he avoided them in the daytime, the sounds of children laughing and playing pretend made his throat sting.

memories and feelings were difficult things to seperate. a sense of nostalgia was something dazai never got a positive thought about. all that was known was violence - and he only felt like a child again when his hands were wrapped around a gun.

he didn't need to play. if he thought hard enough, maybe that younger version of him would leave his chest. maybe it would allow itself to pretend beyond being happy. to be a sailor, a pilot, a knight in heavy armour. to have what it never could grasp. to replace the heavy mind.

pretending was easy, believing was the hard part. it always has been the difficult part. if dazai was to change anything about himself, he'd make himself more gullible. maybe if he pretended hard enough, he'd believe in himself too.

was it so wrong to want to feel human? was it so wrongful to hope for a regular moment? would anyone believe him if he asked?

maybe he just wished to be his own puppeteer. to hold the strings instead of feeling them only wrapped so tightly around his wrist, to know what the weight of a lessened burden felt like. to know a difference from the blood that dripped when the strings cut too deep - when they were tugged too hard.

dazai liked the night. to think about these things without anybody nagging him, that was his wish. the quiet in the air, the smell of the residue of once was during daylight. it was always so quiet.

but you'd changed that.

footsteps through the grass, they interrupted his thinking. opening his eyes to sit up and glance at you. why would somebody else be here? brainrotting about what'd lead someone to where he laid now wasn't a known public hobby. much less in a park.

"..Are you okay?"

the question comes so foreign to dazai. are you okay? how could he even find a response? how long had it been since anyone had asked him that? you were a stranger, and he'd call a bluff against boredom if you didn't have a concerned tone to your voice.

"Don't I look okay?"

he responded. even in the dim light, he noticed the way your eyes widened. if he didn't feel so heavy, he would've put more energy in to smile. to give you the act he put on to any other human being seemed so tiring. and you had to be at least drunk if you were out this late at night anyway.

you don't reply for a moment. dazai picks up on your silence. the wind brushing through his hair like a mothers comforting hand. its the closest he could get to physical affection in his adult years. he'd close his eyes and hum a broken melody to pretend if the unwanted presence of your being wasn't in his mind.

"Who are you?"

who is he. are you trying to kill him?

it's dazai's turn to not respond. russet eyes glancing at yours for only a moment. he couldn't make out any of your features - it was too dark. he would've liked it, usually. but thats when he was on his own. he wasn't used to not being on his own.

what response did you want? what were you expecting to hear? his name? an occupation? the question was so simple - so commonly used and so easy to answer. yet he couldn't. who was he. he didn't want you to know his name, anyway.

you were just a stranger. a stranger standing in a park playground with only the moonlight with enough energy to smile at you. with only the stars to show you all the energy they had. was it depressing? was he being too wasteful?

"I'm not sure." Dazai chuckled, the answer wasn't right, but it was all he could come up with. he wasn't sure - and he never recalled ever being so. maybe that was what made him so different. he'd never had a stable identity, never a real idea of himself.

you don't seem upset with him. nor even slightly mad. it takes him by suprise, if it was anybody he'd known they would've asked for a firmer answer. if it was anybody else, maybe they would've told him who he was.

but you weren't anybody else. you weren't anybody he'd known. you were just a stranger. dazai didn't like that word - but if there was any other term for you, it wasn't coming to him.

he sighed, his breath causing a puffed cloud of white. he hadn't realised just how cold it was, it's not like he was in his own body anyway. his mind was somewhere else, somewhere so far. somewhere he felt safer. he just didn't know where that was to find it.

"We can start with why?" you speak, your tone is hesitant. he hopes he isn't scaring you, he's tired of being scared of. "Why are you here?"

that question isn't any better, either.

would he tell you? was his chest light enough to know if you'd be safe with knowing about him? he didn't know you enough to know if you were worth learning how to answer these questions for.

"To think." Dazai responded, short and simple. it wasn't anything you'd be cared about anyway, maybe it would turn you away. maybe you'd leave. the thought of holding someone else's emotions in your chest with you would surely turn and let him rest. the idea of becoming moss was appealing.

you tilt your head, and he flinches as you step closer and sit beside him. how long had it been since he's sat beside someone like this? how long had it been since he allowed himself to simply exist alongside another?

something about it made him feel more lonely, but he tried to swallow that back.

you don't say anything, simply staying beside him. dazai mentally thanks you for a moment, for not assuming the worse and running. he's sure you're afraid. but so was he.

"I think I read somewhere you shouldn't think too hard about anything after 9pm." you state. it takes him everything not to laugh. had you been gullible? or were you not aware how the world worked? everything continued to run after 9pm. the world didn't stop for anybody, no matter how much they begged.

"Is that so?" The brunette hummed, "That's a rather foolish ideal."

he smiled lightly at the way you squinted. surely you'd agree if it wasn't for such a strong hatred of an outside nihilism.

"Must you be so depressing?" You reply. it catches him so strongly off guard, he finds his breath getting caught in the back of his throat. must he? It's not like he'd practiced any different. you didn't know him to know that. you didn't know to lie to him, or to grin and bare it.

you didn't know dazai.

the thought seems to reach his heart before his mind. you didn't know of him, you didn't know him. to you, he was some strange man laying in a park playground after dark. he wasn't a mafia prodigy to be afraid of, he was just a strange human being.

he doesn't need to be who he knows. you won't need to laugh his words off and know it's what he's always like. you did not know dazai osamu, and you had no idea about his actions or principles.

he nods, mumbling a vaguely sounding sorry. you're right, he shouldn't be so depressing. you didn't know it was commonly just his thing.

"You don't have to be verbal about it."

Dazai looked over at you after you'd spoke, part of him was hoping you'd look back. but your eyes seemed to be focused on the stars above. he would've punched himself for having expectations. he didn't deserve those.

he doesn't recall being verbal about any problems in his entire life. he didn't recall being genuine enough to even listen when he tried to show things physically. feeling like a burden was one thing, but being told was another.

this was the first time in a long while dazai hadn't known what to say. no joking around, no useless puns. and it surely wasn't any appropriate hour for a pickup line.

"..Then what do you think I should do?" He asks you. a shiver runs along his skin, and he cringes at how childish he sounds. dazai had always known what to do - maybe it was time for osamu to try and learn something.

"What do I think?" You look at him. he swears he feels his breath catch at the look in your eyes. he doesn't take it upon himself to analyse what's in them. he just appreciates a gaze that isn't entirely hateful. one that isn't laughing at a lack of knowledge. it's the most humanised he'd ever felt.

"Remember to eat three meals a day, I think. one is okay, if you can't manage that many."

dazai thinks for a moment, his eyebrows reaching a frown. he spent most of his time at home in bed - it was comfortable, a place to ignore and rot. problems didn't need to be solved when he could have a sheet around him and his eyes closed just long enough to convince himself he'd passed away.

maybe he'd have pasta for dinner.

"You can appriciate the rain too." you continue, and it almost shocks him solid to know you're paying him so much mind without asking for anything in return.

"Many people associate rain with misery. but its a wonderful thing. it waters all the plants, it can remind you how lucky you are to not have to be in it."

lucky? dazai didn't think he was lucky. sometimes he'd go out in the nighttime rain with only a coat and a short sleeve t-shirt. to lay down in the park like any other day, to unravel his bandages and feel such a raw sensation on his arms. the chill of the water felt nicer then the punishment intended to a blades edge.

maybe he could appriciate that. to know it was optional - to know it was welcoming enough to let the bugs and the clouds see him at his most vaunrable. the grass suddenly felt like a warm hug despite the cold.

nobody speaks for a moment. nobody has to. he doesn't expect anything of you - and you do not expect anything of him. it's a comfortable silence. one dazai does not feel obligated to fill.

you sit that way for a while. dazai feels a strange sensation in his chest for every second longer you exist with him. why were you doing this? he could easily hurt you, he could easily be somebody dangerous. he's always been somebody dangerous.

but you don't seem afraid. you seem comfortable.

why are you so comfortable? why aren't you afraid?

dazai's hand brushed against the grass. enjoying how it moved under the pads of his fingers - letting himself smile at the thought of all the bugs being so curious about what he was. to them he was human, to them he was like any other child they must scuttle from to hide.

he was somebody to hide from. but being so similar to that of a child ; something that was so foreign to him. something about it made him glad to be here. glad to be existing alongside, glad to learn things from you.

maybe he'd go to the cafe and get a sandwich for lunch.

he felt you shift, looking up to see you. your eyes on his, just like he'd expected before. neither of you look away for a moment. were you curious? did you see his movement and wonder what he was doing?

"...There's bugs in the grass." dazai mumbled. and you laughed.

you laughed.

he looked away, his cheeks heating up. a sense of embarrassment washing over him. was it that funny? was it effortlessly wonderful? he didn't even mean to cause a reaction out of you. but he adored the sound.

"There's bugs everywhere." you say, your voice calmer. he misses the sound almost instantly. "In grass, in houses, on the concrete we walk. they're lovely little creatures, and many don't even mean any harm. they all help us"

all? he winces. dazai doesn't remember the last time a mosquito bit him in an act of trying to assist him. he didn't remember a mosquito biting him at all - ever since the bandages started to appear over his skin more it'd spare him of the itch. but that was besides the point.

most creatures that seemed scary meant well, didn't they? those spiders everybody seemed to scream over - they were just like any human being. most of them try to get by, they keep fly populations slim. its how they look that made them so cursed, that made people so afraid. they were misunderstood.

dazai felt like a spider sometimes.

maybe you weren't laughing at his childishness. perhaps you weren't even curious. for to people watch without a reason wasn't unheard of. he just hoped you weren't there to judge him. it'd be while before he felt so comfortable with another stranger.

you don't speak for a while. neither does he. how strange it was to grieve someone who was still alive.

"It's getting late." you mumble after a while, standing up. he notices the way you brush the grass off your clothes, how you glance down at him for a second too long - his cheeks felt warm as he shifted focus back to the stars. he doesn't respond verbally, simply letting out a hum.

the night doesn't feel any warmer, dazai knows that. the temperature hasn't changed from the moment he left his messy apartment to go to the park in the first place. but there was an odd weight in his chest for once - one he couldn't quite identify. maybe you'd left fingerprints there, he thought.

"You should get back." He looked up at you, regretting the words almost immediately as soon as they left his scarred lips. he didn't want you to leave, you couldn't come, change his perspectives, and leave. it wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair.

could he manage cereal for breakfast?

"Goodnight, I hope you feel better in the morning." You smile - and it's so sincere. dazai suddenly had the urge to rip his chest open. feel better? as if. though he smiles in return, holding a hand out to you. he hopes they aren't too calloused.

"um- osamu. It's been a pleasure."

watching someone walk away had never been difficult. watching someone leave was something he should've been used to. so why did this ache so badly? he looked at his palm, the tingle of your warmth still radiating. it makes him feel sick - he runs his hand through the grass once more.

he hoped to never learn your name. to have a title to miss, a name to carve into his heart, would make it all the worse.

maybe he'll skip tomorrow's meals again after all.

tags ; @walking-simp , @rusmii , @bellodazai , @zestylemonsz , @himikoslove , @bananaede ,

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs imagines #bungo stray dogs x you #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs dazai #bsd dazai #dazai x reader #dazai x you #dazai x y/n #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu x you #dazai osamu x y/n #osamu x y/n #osamu x you #osamu x reader

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ridestomars · 1 year ago

Text

ISN'T SHE LOVELY? – S. HARRINGTON

𖥻 summary: the party meets y/n and steve's firstborn. 𖥻 pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader 𖥻 warnings: girl dad!steve. the baby's name is amelia. too much fluff. everyone is alive and well thank you. one dirty dancing reference. bad grammar, italics & not proofread (hey it's me). 2k-ish words. weird divs :/

💭 liv's thoughts: this is based on an idea i had last year (s4 i miss you) and a sequel of sorts to my 'all is well universe' of sunny days that won't ever end – you don't have to read it, but pls do it's v sweet. i hope you like it! <3

DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK IF YOU'RE UNDER SIXTEEN.

The sound of loud chattering could be heard from the end of the hallway, which wasn't surprising, given the number of people that were sharing the limited space of the apartment's living room. The kids – can you even call them that anymore? – were never known for their ability to speak quietly whenever they were together. However, everyone seemed to be in such a good mood that you can even hear the loud sound of Jonathan's laugh. There's a first time for everything, right?

You held the small baby in your arms, walking in slow steps out of her little nursery. Though you tried not to disturb your daughter too much, Amelia already had her big brown eyes open and searching for the source of all that noise. She wasn't used to such noises, being too accustomed to her parents' soft-spoken voices and the entertaining sound of their television – that didn't play anything other than Steve's recordings of Barney episodes. It's only natural that she finds the commotion strange.

As you arrive in the living room, you are greeted by Steve in his typical mom pose, hands on his hips as he watches Michael and Max's every move, anxiously waiting for his girls. From his stance, you can see that he already regrets the idea of inviting everyone over. Taking in the very worried furrow of his eyebrows, you just know that he is going over the most pessimistic thoughts as he looks at the crowded living room.

Appearing with the small baby in your arms, everyone gasped in surprise and amazement, including Steve, who quickly made his way over to you with the goofiest, most endearing smile. His big hands wrap around Amelia's small frame, as he leans down to take her from your arms. He has that sweet look on his face, that brightens even more when he sees the chubbiness of the baby's laughing cheeks. Delicately, like he's carrying the world's most precious jewel (he is!), your husband shows Amy to everyone, with a proud glimmer in his eyes.

"There she is!" he maneuvers her chubby body tenderly, making the baby sit on his arm to face everyone. Her upper body leaned on his chest for support, and she squealed happily when her curious eyes noticed how many people were in their living room. Unhesitating, Steve translates it to everyone, "Millie says hi".

That was enough to erupt a string of awws, sighs and one high-pitched "she's so adorable!" from Eddie. It was funny to see how a human being so small had everyone wrapped around her tiny little finger. Even Max, who usually had a hard time showing any emotion other than pure annoyance, was goofily smiling at the baby, admiring her brown (and very full) hair and round cheeks.

The kids were the most eager to get to know Amelia, with Dustin being the spokesman for their wishes, telephoning almost every day since the baby was born to ask when they could meet her. So, it's no surprise that the first person to make grabby hands to hold her next was Henderson himself. "C'mon, Steve, let me hold my goddaughter!" he exclaims as he looks at your girl in absolute awe.

"Your goddaughter?" Eddie asks, scoffing from his seat at the couch's armrest, next to the boy. "Yeah, right".

"Guys," Robin quickly intervenes, rolling her eyes as she watches the two bickering all over again over the matter. She was seated comfortably in the chair by your living room's small table, alongside Vicky. "Not this again, please?"

That wasn't enough to silence Eddie and Dustin, who began to argue harder about who is supposed to be the baby's godfather. The usual arguments were professed, "You're not old enough!", "but I'm the most mature!", "The baby's lullaby shouldn't be Dio!", "And it shouldn't be Weird Al Yankovic either!"

Given that he couldn't clap, Steve stomped his foot on the ground as he commanded the room's attention to him again, "Hey, hey, hey!" he exclaimed, letting out a satisfied breath when everyone falls silent again. "So, before we let you hold our daughter, I'd like to go over some rules-".

Loud groans erupt from everyone's mouths, and Amelia looks up at her dad, even more curious.

The kids were squished on the living room's small couch, surprisingly fitting in the space where you and Steve had a hard time adjusting in. Eleven was sitting on the side of the couch's armrest, patiently kicking her feet as Mike, Will, and Dustin elbowed each other in a silent fight for more space by her side. At the end of the couch, Max, Lucas and Erica found a way to position themselves without struggling too much. It was so crowded that poor Suzy had to sit on an old puff that Steve had bought in a garage sale when you moved in together ("It'll come in handy one day, you'll see!" Steve exclaimed while he walked off the sale holding the object, victoriously), right at Dustin's feet. On one side of the sofa, Eddie was slouched on the armrest, while Nancy sat on the other, as put-together as ever. Near her, Jonathan leaned against the apartment's wall, chatting with Argyle and Eden.

Amelia was carefully handed to Dustin, who sat in the middle of the couch. You figured it was the best position to have everyone look at her, an democratic decision, but it was still possible to hear Eddie complaining under his breath.

Your daughter got used to Dustin's hold fast, only shifting her tiny body over his arms a couple of times to find her position. When she did, Amy made one of those adorable baby sounds, showing everyone that she was incredibly satisfied now; and it was like the world had stopped for all of them. The only thing that mattered was to witness baby Harrington simply exist. Feasting your eyes on the scene, you hold Steve's waist, hugging him from behind as you rest your face against his arm, not being able to battle the tears that filled your eyes. Your heart was swelling with pride.

"She's pretty," El murmured, her voice sounding even quieter now, as her eyes sparkled at the sight of the little one.

With a trembling voice, Dustin agreed, "She is very pretty".

"Yeah," Will says as he watches Millie yawn, "She looks just like you, Y/N".

"Lucky for her," Mike and Max remark in unison, immediately glaring at each other with narrowed eyes. That makes everyone laugh, and baby Amelia opens up her eyes to check it out, opening a toothless grin after. Max, feeling as if her witty remark was stolen by the boy, adds, "It'd be such a shame if she had Steve's dead-fish stare. Thank God she has Y/N's eyes, too".

At that, your husband gawks at her, letting out an offended gasp. He's so upset that his mouth hangs open, as he looks at her, in complete silence. Catching his incredulity, Max only shrugs, as if to say, "What can I do?".

"Well, at least she has his hair," Lucas observes, mediating the situation, as usual.

"Thank you, Lucas!" Steve breathes out, feeling he got the justice he deserved.

The bickering soon faded into a familiar silence, as everyone's attention fell fully on your little girl, who slept peacefully in Dustin's arms, completely ignoring the commotion around her. And that was when the emotional weight of the moment fell on all of you. Glistened eyes watched in tranquility as the baby squirmed every once in a while, as the importance of the scene settled. Amelia's sole existence reassured you of a peace that you hadn't known in years, as if she was the last step in sealing the serene fate that awaited all of you. She was living proof that life is still normal, and despite all the hard times, it isn't all that bad, actually.

Seeing those grown-up kids taking care of a small piece of you and Steve filled your heart with delight, and a different sense of fulfillment that you hadn't known until now. It's so meaningful.

The nostalgia of seeing their sweet faces intensified when the kids started to argue about who was going to hold Amelia next, and suddenly the apartment was filled with loud chattering all over again. Just like the old times… but, somehow, better.

"Jonathan, look!" Nancy points out to little Amelia scrunching her nose, as if to suggest that he should snap a picture of the baby like that. Now, the kid was laying in Robin's arms, having her full head of hair brushed by Auntie Bobby – the lame nickname was picked by Steve, of course. "What a cute little nose you have, Amy!"

The oldest Wheeler compliments the baby in a high-pitched tone, as if the girl would actually understand. By her side, Jonathan kept taking pictures of the baby, snapping beautiful frames with that domestic feeling that you're growing used to; he promised that he'll develop all of them later.

"When's her birthday?" Eden asks quietly, as she smooches her face against Argyle's arm, watching the baby in wonder.

"October thirty-first," Steve answers quickly, not helping himself. Ever since the baby was born, he started to cultivate this staggering need to answer anything Amelia-related, talking about her constantly as if he didn't know how to chat about anything else.

With that spaced-out way of his, like he just had snapped out of a trance by the baby's birth date, Argyle lets out a chuckle, looking down at Millie with… respect, it seemed. "Ooh, Scorpio. Cool, man".

Then, everyone falls back into silence, just appreciating her small features and lovable babbles. However, Steve seems a little skeptical about how cool it is for his kid to be a Scorpio, and he slowly turns his head to look at you, giving Argyle a bit of a side-eye when he does so. "What did he mean by that? Isn't that, like, bad?" he whispers to you, still watching your friends interact with Amelia from the corner of his eyes.

"No!" you immediately reassure him, telling a little half-truth, "It just means that she's very… sweet".

Steve seems satisfied by your answer, mainly because he doesn't ask any further questions, and he goes back to keeping his eyes on Robin, making sure that she's holding your kid correctly. It isn't his fault that she has spaghetti arms, alright?

Eddie soon joins in, though he doesn't look very pleased about it, walking to stand in front of Robin with an exasperated expression on his face. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, looking down at the girl. You watch the scene unfold with confusion.

"Well?" he asks, lifting his eyebrows as if he is waiting for something, though he doesn't say what it is.

Rob looks up, still playing with the baby's hair, pursing her lips while she waits for Eddie to explain why he is interrupting her moment with Amelia. From over her shoulder, Vicky makes funny faces at the small girl, making loud squeals come out of your daughter's mouth.

When he doesn't say anything, Robin asks, "What, Munson?", blinking her eyes vigorously as she tilts her head.

"You're taking too long!" he tells her like that was the only answer possible. "It's been fifteen minutes already, it's my turn!"

After Eddie's little protest (thankfully, he didn't feel the need to get on top of your table this time), everyone took turns holding baby Millie in their arms. You didn't mind it, because you knew that your friends were just very excited to be meeting your daughter for the first time, but you cannot say the same for Steve. He was hating every second of it.

"Y/N, I can't take it," he breathes out once he pulls you to the side, hiding with you in the kitchen, away from prying ears, "They're passing her around like a joint".

"Relax, Stevie," you try to calm him down, though it's useless. Spying into the living room again, you see that Amelia is laying in Eleven's arms, which warms your chest a little. "El's rocking her to sleep, there's no prob-"

You quickly stop talking when Mike takes the baby from his girlfriend's grasp, having a hard time managing his long limbs around the kid's small frame. Eyes widening, you look to Steve, wanting to catch his reaction to the scene.

And he's fuming.

But just as he is getting ready to stomp his way over to Michael, you hold his arm, keeping him back and away from the kids. "Give them a break," is how you begin to reason with him, "he's getting the hang of it".

"Well, my daughter shouldn't be their little guinea pig," he huffs back, crossing his arms.

"Don't be like that," you persuade. "You didn't know how to hold her either, and now you're, like, a pro. Right?".

His hardened expression seems to melt at your compliment – Steve always feels so elated whenever people praise his parenting skills, especially when it comes from you. Your husband's cheeks flush a little, and he looks down, a bit bashful.

"You mean it?" he asks, playing with the loose seems of his yellow sweater.

"Of course, I mean it," giggling, you get closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist as you pull him in for a hug. "She's so lucky to have you as her dad. Actually, we're so lucky to have you in our lives".

He chuckles a little, pleased to still gain such flattery from you. From where you stood, you can clearly see the timid redness that cripples from his neck up to his cheeks, which makes him seem even more adorable in your eyes. But even his striking looks didn't distract you from the intimate feeling of his hand resting over the small of your back, drawing you closer for a sweet peck on the lips. It's funny how still after all this time, Steve was able to make you feel endless electricity and warmth just by the simple touch of his lips.

Unfortunately for you, the pleasant moment was ruined by someone clearing their throat. Pulling apart from the kiss, you and Steve looked ahead, catching Eddie and Dustin's embarrassed faces after interrupting.

"Hey, so, hm…", Dustin starts, clearly not knowing how he should start, still very awkward succeeding the scene they had just break in on.

"We have settled on who should be Amy's godfather, and we swear-", Eddie cuts in, talking at full speed. But before he could get on with their (definitely) deep and sensible reasoning, you hear Steve groaning. "Jesus, guys. Not this again".

LIKES, REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE APPRECIATED! steve masterlist | main masterlist | navigation ── hey! wanna talk? leave me a message after the beep. currently accepting requests for steve and eddie.

𖤐 I AM RESTARTING MY TAGLIST! if you want to be added to my taglist, just click here.

#they're my family idc #i love love love writing group interactions #max being the president of mike wheeler's hate club #she's so me #girl dad!steve #liv talks about stevie #liv writes #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington imagine #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things #girl dad!steve harrington

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teaboot · 1 year ago

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How do you stop being so scared and angry all the time?

I've been a scared and angry person in the past, so my first instinct was to write a really long and introspective piece about it, but really I think it can all boil down to a few small points.

Fear

Trust yourself to make good choices when things go wrong. If there's a skill you need to learn to believe that, learn it.

Know that the forces of the universe don't care about you personally. That sounds pessimistic, but if the planet isn't actively trying to help you, then it's not out to hurt you, either.

While the universe is indifferent to your plight, other people aren't. We're a naturally empathetic and communal species. Approaching strangers with humility, consideration, and respect will get positive results ninety nine times out of a hundred.

Remember that everyone is scared and confused and has anxieties and hopes and fears. We're all doing our best. You aren't alone.

Anger

When people do dumb, rude, belligerent crap, remind yourself that while you can walk away from their actions, they can't. Their personal choices and actions have repercussions you can't see. They probably have loads of strangers giving them side-eye or cussing them out for their bullshit, and that's not a very pleasant life to be living.

It's so easy to get angry at someone who's getting angry with you. Remember, though, that anger is a reaction to other emotions- fear, anxiety, frustration, confusion- and those feelings aren't your responsibility. Their outburst is a bad choice they are making in response to other things, and staying calm and patient and acknowledging their feelings will usually bring them down to a rational space.

With that in mind, try and figure out where your anger is coming from. Are you scared? Hurt? Confused? Frustrated? Anger seems nebulous and powerful, with no clear beginning or end. Frustration and confusion, helplessness and anxiety- those are actionable. There are things you can ask for or do to make them better.

You can step away. Take a minute to sort yourself out. Anger itself isn't bad- It's the things we do out of anger that bite us on the ass. Give yourself time and space to cool down and decide what's a good idea and what isn't.

I'm still working through these myself, but these are what's helped so far. I hope they can help you, too.

#Advice

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ko-existing · 1 year ago

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You are the only person so far who seems to know what you’re talking and is well studied so I decided to sent this ask for you. It will have a little venting, but nothing too extreme or long also if you don’t mind I’d rather speak in a not non duality way because I wouldn’t know how to formulate my sentences without giving power to the physical world in a sense, and I’m not exactly looking for enlightenment in non dualism it’s just a question about this whole thing that has been going on on tumblr and other communities about manifestation and non dualism.

I’ve been on this journey of manifestation, law of assumption, non duality etc etc for a year now and the main thing that kept popping up in my head was “is this concept true?”

The concept that I’m talking about is: “we are the creators of our reality”

Honestly, this journey has brought me a lot of suffer because I’m a natural overthinker, skeptical, a tad pessimistic and extremely self judging. So I would often feel dumb and stupid for believing I could actually change my WHOLE life and manifest things that would be seem as actually absurd and impossible.

This experience of seeing so many times people saying “we are limitless” or “everything is malleable” “you can get anything you want” has dragged me into this rabbit whole of full peace of mind and hope and then being totally ripped apart by negativity, pessimism and skepticism.

I’m honestly tired and I really, really, really need to get out of it, so you are my hope of weather I should continue my journey to get a better life or finally have a closure on this whole world of manifestation, shifting realities etc

Is it really possible? I’m asking this with my whole heart and soul. It is possible to experience this reality shiftings, changes of physical appearance, revise past and all that?

I really need to put an end on my suffering and move on with my life and I rather know the final answer now instead of wasting my life on things that won’t happen and just end up more frustrated in the future.

Can we change our 3D world (I know you said there’s no separation, but as I said I can’t speak in a non duality way I’m sorry) or we just have to accept we can only control to a certain point?

Is it true that if I’m not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won’t? That no matter how hard I try I could never “attract” a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?

I’m sorry if this ask is heavy or if my words were harsh somehow. I don’t want to put a responsibility on your shoulder, I just really need to find peace and I need a final answer.

Thank you!

Here's the thing Anon: No one can help you but yourself. As harsh as it sounds, IT is what IT is, i'm not sugarcoating anything, it's a bit long and wordy so read carefully.

In tibet we have these sayings:

1. "You can offer a handful of grass to the cow, but you can't force it to graze."

2. "You can present the scriptures, but you can't enlighten the mind."

Even though i tag my stuff with "#nondualism" and a lot of people associate me with it, i don't follow any concept in particular. I only point you into the direction of "THAT". What you do with it, is your choice. You said you've been on a "journey" with lots of concepts like LoA, Manifestation, ND. Ask yourself, what exactly has been keeping you from actually turning within into silence instead of gathering one concept after another? Who decides that something is "impossible" and "absurd" like you said? I know you already told me that you'll talk in concepts but i still have to ask, are the limitations you have set for yourself REALLY fundamentally a thing? Do they exist if you aren't aware of such limitations?

Emptiness

NO concept is true, untrue or real. No words are true, untrue or real. I could tell you "no, Non Dualism or "AWARENESS" is not true. You can't change your life" but that's going to have a negative impact on you, wouldn't it? Why is that so? Those words don't prove anything to you. They are just words.

EVERY word is empty by nature, we give meaning to them. If i told you "བདག དངབ བསམ ངས་ཡང་ཡིན་གསལ" could you do anything with that sentence? No, because that sentence has no meaning to you.. you don't speak the language. Whatever I said, is meaningless to you. But if I translated it in english, you would be able to understand because you speak english and give it meaning (-> what was once meaningless and empty, now has an illusory meaning given by you). Got it?

What I'm trying to say is that it is important to understand that words have no meaning whatsoever BY NATURE and because they are meaningless BY NATURE, we can tell you whatever we want to, it is up to you alone what you're going to do with that. Does that make any sense to you? I hope i got my point across on how we give meanings to every empty word.

We do the same thing with different situations.

A stormy day can be the worst day ever for you but for someone else, it's the best thing ever.

If someone told me my content is trash, i do not care. If someone told 18 year old Koda her content is trash, i would've wasted a thought or two on that statement. If Dechen (my boyfriend, co-admin) read that we're spreading lies he would've written an essay telling that person to shut up & move along 2 years ago, but now he'd ignore it because he couldn't care any less. Now, everything is meaningless for everyone. I can decide if I want to be affected by those words, or not. If i told you "Everything's a lie" , what are you going to do then? Are you going to abandon everything just because I, someone you find "reliable", said so? If that's what you would do, why? What made you attach so much importance to a random "person"?

Is it true?

"Is it true that [...]"

Who are you asking? Me? Why? Do you want it to be true or untrue? Since all words are meaningless and empty by nature, is there a difference between the words "true and untrue" or is it the same "Emptiness"? You alone make your decisions. I can point you towards "IT" but 'you' are the one who's going to recognize "IT" or not. I have nothing to do with that descision.

Read whatever you want to. Practise whatever you want to or don't. At the end of the day, you alone give meaning to the meaningless. You can define emptiness but that doesn't change its Nature which is "emptiness", "nothingness" whatever-ness.

Definitions

"I'm an overthinker, skeptical and pessimistic."

What made you come to that conclusion? In order to answer that, i assume you have to think and list all moments in which you were overthinking, skeptical and pessimistic but are you able to answer that question without thinking? If you aren't thinking, WHAT or WHO are you? Are those thoughts you define yourself by, real in any way or are you just aware of different behaviors and define them as "overthinking, skepticism, pessimism" after thinking about it? Could you define yourself for me, without thinking? Try it.👀

Enlightenment?

You said you are not "looking for enlightenment" from ND , what exactly are you looking for then? Only a "person" can get enlightened, but there is no actual "person" here. What is, is. All concepts only POINT you to one direction -> "IT". Some, like advaita vedanta, are more direct than many limited & watered down versions of ND people now call "Law of Consciousness or Law of Assumption "with extra steps" on tumblr or twitter. In my humble and illusory opinion, it is nonsense but does it matter?👁️

The non-existent "I"

"Is it true that if I'm not meant to be rich no matter what I do, I won't? That no matter how hard I try I could never "attract" a specific person? Is it true that the only thing I can do in this life is find peace by accepting that certain things are meant to be and never changed? Is accepting that I am not limitless like as all those bloggers, teachers, Neville Goddard claimed I am?" -> define and show me the "i" you keep talking about. Do it without thinking. If you ponder on it long enough on a deep level, you will instantly answer your own Questions and the "i" you are talking about. Define and show me your doubts without thinking. There is no person to believe in anything, no person that is actually doubting, no person that is actually here.

「You can mold clay into a pot but that doesn't change the fact that it is clay and will always be clay」

#advaita vedanta #awareness #nondualism #nonduality #nothingness #enlightenment #void #brahman

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vanyzvat · 1 month ago

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My... Kinda controversial takes on Alien Stage Round 7 (+ Some silly theories)

(I was disappointed ☹️ Don't get me wrong, the visual storytelling, and just visuals overall were gorgeous! The song was amazing as always, too. But it just... Didn't feel like a satisfying Round at all.)

(By the way if you are genuinely angered by my take, just block me, do not interact with me)

I'm not generally a fan of stories that build up an insanely intricate world, with insanely intricate character arcs, get your hopes up, get you attached to said characters and get you rooting for them, and then the story just... Never delivers??? There's no satisfying conclusion for the characters, they just?? Die?? Like... Really? 😐

Like... What's even gonna be next?

Hyuna is back on that stage, everything she has built was for nothing,

Mizi and her are probably going to be put against one another by force.

And what are they even supposed to do? Surrender and die? Of course not, they're going to fight, and I assume Hyuna is going to die (Which would be a completely pointless death, in my honest opinion), and then Mizi is gonna have to "carry on her legacy" or some bullcrap like that 💀

Or, Mizi dies (Which would also be another pointless death), and then Hyuna is put back on the show by force, and has to fight Luka. Which I honestly feel isn't that far fetched of a theory?

The fact that Till never gave a single flying fuck about Ivan, while he died trying to keep him alive, only to just become a bad memory to Till while he continues thinking of Mizi who he has idolized to hell and back, never once getting to realize just how much she has changed since the last time he saw her.

Till died delusional. He never got to meet the real Mizi, he never got to see how this place has truly affected her. And Mizi, on the other hand, saw Till die, never once learning just how deep his borderline obsession with her was.

Alien Stage is brilliant, but seeing the direction it has taken with the latest round, it no longer feels fit for me personally.

I would've preferred an alternative ending, in which Till is able to turn things around at the sight of Mizi, and instead, Luka gets to be the one who's afraid.

I feel that would've been more satisfying than just having Luka win because... Idk because Till just had to die I guess lmaooo??

This might just be me being pessimistic, but I can't really,,, think of a way for this series to wrap up in a way that's satisfying and not just sad for the sake of being sad? Unless they truly somehow bring Till (And maybe Ivan) back like some people have been theorizing, which... I honestly doubt will happen.

The idea that Till was heavily drugged during Round 6-7, and that he was actually just being used as a pawn to bring out the rebels during Round 7, with said alleged drugs being what will somehow keep him alive does sound cool in theory, but I feel that's just the Fandom being optimistic like with the "Ivan is alive" theories.

I feel Hyuna will be forced to have the long lost ROUND 4 with Luka, after having to battle Mizi.

I truly, truly hope that you are all by some miracle right about Till (And maybe Ivan, but I genuinely doubt it) being alive, and that somehow, Alien Stage will manage to subvert my expectations.

Hopefully, when the series concludes I'll be able to look back on this and laugh due to how wrong I was, and I'll say that Alien Stage is truly peak

#alien stage #alnst #alien stage theory

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leon6w5 · 1 month ago

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— things don't (need to) end like this.

n/a: hi! i wrote this while reflecting how infinite darkness should ended up, building a path to re6 (archives) — where claire made leon and chris meet each other after everything happened. they ended in good terms, even when claire disagreed with leon's choice. i already posted it on ao3 with some changes, so hope y'all enjoy it. <3

warnings: light angst, friends to lovers, sexual tension, conflicted feelings, smut and fluff, good ending.

Regrets come after memories.

Not that memories were tangled, maybe it wasn't, maybe he was trying to find answers and fix things that couldn't anymore — that didn't belong to him anymore. And never weren't his own. Leon couldn't be responsible for everything bad that happened, he couldn't save anymore, either himself.

While he looked at Claire a few inches in front of him, his confused but determined eyes seemed to hesitate for a realistic answer. He didn't want any of that for him specially her. Leon knew that Claire didn't need protection, they went through Raccoon City together, it was a fact.

But trying to be fair, the world could be unfair to her and Leon couldn't deal with it again, couldn't bear to lose someone else… Again. Someone who had a massive value — an emotional bond with him, both similar.

He walked towards her unhurriedly, silently sighing, his throat parched because he knew he was delaying the inevitable. Leon buried his eyes on Claire's lips, the intact lipstick still on the flesh of her mouth, a few strands getting the way in her eyes, hiding her emotions. 'She's beautiful' was Leon’s first thought, Claire hadn't changed, maybe she had gotten better than him, Leon imagined that deep down Claire was aware that some things would be the same, but that didn't mean she would be part of it. She seemed so inaccessibly good for him, in a way he could never repay, so ethical that it showed the desperate contrast between his conscious thoughts.

Kennedy wishes he could say the same: that traumas didn't define him — Because for Claire it didn't seem that way. Leon didn't deny the existence of her sorrows, but it seemed so easy for her to face things, it seemed so easy for her to continue separating right and wrong, yet for him it was like an existential purpose and it was tiring to remain that way, as if the answers he expected would lead him to his hopeless skepticism.

"Wait a little. I… I’ll change my clothes” Leon said. Expectations shook Redfield's thoughts, she watched Leon walk back to the White House, not in a hurry, but in a grief and guilt that he wore, wrapping Leon, suffocating him by his throat. She predict that the two of them would talk, a lot.

Patiently she waited, watched the sky, meditating her thoughts while looking at the sun-painted heaven, regulating her breathing and trying to organize them all into one. Then the sound of heel boots behind her ear made her remember about the real. She turned, let out a chuckle and said “There you are…” and Leon could interpret that in several ways: the suit wasn't him, Claire still saw him as the police officer she had known. Things had changed a lot, that nostalgic image carried pain and dreams that were too distant for a pessimist like Leon. He no longer followed what he loved to do for a long time. It hurted him. It was the kind of thought with a circumstance of expectation that he could no longer fulfill anyway.

“So… shall we have dinner? I know a good restaurant around here.” Leon smiled, grief in the corner of his lips. He wanted to forget for a moment the last few chaotic years, the deaths, the inability for saving Shen Mei from death. In the back of his mind, his subconscious brought up the underlying remember of what Jason had told him, that maybe all of Leon's fear was as real as his feet on the ground now. It was terrifying.

In silence, Claire followed Leon side by side, they walked. It was a mutual stillness, the empty head that they both hoped to have for a few minutes. There was so much between them that they considered they had nothing, it was the kind of situation that left them adrift from any presumption and uncertainty. Redfield had even forgotten what it was like to breathe and share peace comfortably, she offered help and support, even so for a long time she had not allowed herself to receive the same, she was — trying to be — strong and unshakable.

Claire then noticed a smell that was intoxicating, somehow unforgettable. She inhaled, moved her head slightly and looked briefly at Leon, noticed the dark blue t-shirt, the leather jacket, the rough skin from his beard and his distant blue eyes. She felt a shiver run through her body, her stomach twitching. The smell was his scent, his hair.

She hadn't noticed until now, how fine Leon was. The hair on his face growing slightly left something to be desired, she liked to see that in some way, he took care of himself. And in that moment, in the calmness, almost resistant pace between them, she realized that her attraction to him could not be normal.

A dissipation was made, Leon's voice took Claire from the back of herself and brought to now. He opened the door, waiting for her to enter the spor and when she did, he noticed the abstraction. They sat down near the windows, Leon shortly snatched the menu and Claire thought that maybe he had been waiting for a nice meal for while.

Through the huge gap between Leon's eyes and the menu, they looked at each other. Claire carried a sweetness and curiosity, she wanted to know what Kennedy would choose. "What are you looking for? We could hm… share a bolognese lasagna.” Leon agreed. He was abrupt, he thought the menu was an opportunity to peek on her right in front of her.

They were talking, a common conversation, the kind they would never imagine having, nothing about work, nothing about Umbrella, subordinates or infected people — choosing to avoid the topic because, perhaps, they agreed that it could not be part of who they were, even individually. Claire and Leon wanted to say that they were getting to know the other part of them, the part that they didn't let show, within so much inhumanity. And when the food arrived, it was as if they were open to anything, because they were together and that was what mattered (the delicious food too).

Deep down, they didn't want it to end. Leon didn't want to stop hearing Claire's small giggles, which carried a tone of hope so good that it seemed like a dream, it was contagious, it made him smile too, despite being so disconsolate.

“How was your food?” Leon's voice was soft, short.

“We ate the same thing, silly…” Claire said and without much delay, she added “It was the best food I’ve had in a season”, wiping the corner of her lips, adjusting her jacket. Kennedy paid attention, the sentence had somehow come out vague, the first part mocking him and the ending suggestive, without her looking away from him.

He didn't continue the thread, his eyes widened due to the attention she gave her at dusk, they were probably thinking about the same thing, where they would go after everything. After this.

Leon didn't want to be rushed, he didn't like to think too much, even if he was doing it now, even if he were doing this for the last nine years. He wasn't used to being impulsive, but all the "If's" that popped into his mind made him make a decision, occasionally an irrational one. But he wanted more and — even if Claire didn't show it — she wanted it too, she wanted to stay that way, she couldn't stand to go back to her motel, spending the night with her own thoughts.

"Would you like to come to my apartment?”

Redfield repeated the phrase several times inside her own head, she didn't think he would be so… right. Though she calmly agreed.

[...]

Leon could hear Claire breathing inside the elevator, she seemed to have something to say, but she didn't dare do it. She bit her lips, released her chest carrying anxiety, occasionally her frame bumping into Leon's arms. The smirking of his lips made her nervous, in a reckless way.

Both got out of the cabin, he brought down the door knob and Claire saw the room in complete darkness. She knew it wasn't his style fancy or luxury stuff, inside it looked very clean, tidy. He turned on the gray lights, said “Come in” leaving his leather gloves on the central furniture.

She sat on the couch, watched him move around the house and for the first time, Claire didn't have much to say. “Would you like to drink something?"

"Beer.”

It was a request quickly accepted. The odd intimacy made Leon undo his leather jacket on the back of the armchair, he sighed tiredly, said “We didn’t sleep” and with her lips on the bottle's hole, Claire chuckled sheepish “You look terrible, Leon” and he replied “Not much as you do… and your arm?”

“I’ll be fine” ended the dialogue. Claire felt tension in the room, inside her chest. She knew that running her eyes over Leon's body didn't seem right and she didn't understand exactly why, this attraction was vicious, mutual; Redfield wondered that maybe he was there to talk, she knew what Leon was like, she knew everything he had been through.

Claire stood up, she looked at Leon's eyes for the first time from so close up, they looked gloomy and cloudy. It was as if Leon was saying that he couldn't stand another day like that.

“I know what you have to tell me.” Leon's heart hit faster, did she know? How? Was he being so obvious…?

"You know…?" He tried to reformule the question, his breathing shallow, his throat with a very large amount of saliva swallowed forcibly.

“I know… I feel angry with you... for making me go in a nice place, for having your company that makes me feel so good, for bringing me here just to say that you won’t give me the chip…” The condescension in Claire’s voice intrigued Leon, his posture fails, the stillness becomes greater “Look Claire…'

“I'm not finished yet, Leon” she said firmly, she approached dangerously, his lips almost brushing her top one “I feel angry, but I put myself in your shoes and I imagine you're doing the same to me by making this decision. I feel angry because… Lord, I can't— think about us. I'm mad with myself for thinking about us.”

“What do you…” Claire saw Adam's apple moving eagerly, she focused her eyes on Leon's neck, on the strong cologne and smell of perfume that were addictive. "What do you think?”

Redfield thought about the various possibilities, she could verbalize anything, because that was what she wanted: to say something. But saying it wasn't enough, because the words accumulated throughout her body as if it wanted to transcend their meaning, because it did. She wanted to say much more than just words to Leon, it was an internal conflict that seemed want to unchain her pride.

She guided her blue irises syncing with his, left the beer bottle on the table, carefully took his hand, brought it to her face, the scar on his palm was kissed and Claire heard a soft, pleasant moan from Leon.

Kennedy brought her close, they kissed between the taste of alcohol and sighs gave, his tongue curled around hers, hot and wet, sticky in an addictive way, she seemed impatient, she moaned between the seals, even with the movements limited by one arm, it was Claire who calmly led everything. He moved away millimeters, let her take him to the wall, felt her nails sliding down the torn fabric of his t-shirt to his belt, grinding his body against hers, dominant.

“I don't like this situation, you know” she says, perhaps a ready-made speech, but she still has contact with his body, his belt undone, her lips marked on the skin of his neck and chest, leaving him dizzy, intoxicated. “You… could have— asked me on a date” she teased, squeezed Leon's ass, pushed his torso onto the bed and silently demanded that he wait.

It was all hectic, Leon had a bulge between his legs, witnessing Claire's skillful semi-nudity, he kept his eyes on every curve, on the adorable disarray of her underwear, on the scratches and scars on her shoulders and hip, there was so much admiration that it left he more aroused.

“I would have ended up here, in your sheets anyway, Leon. Because I like you, but I know that now, we are opposite” and that statement ended with Leon, even though he was involved in an overwhelming passion and arousal, feeling her mouth on his chest, on his skin, maybe in another moment they would have been perfect to each other “Claire—fuck, I-I…”

“S-shut… up, don’t make this worse” she exposed herself, undid Leon’s zipper and climbed on top of him with her bare breasts, her loose hair falling over her arms, the tip of the strands touching her hardened nipples.

Claire leaned her body, limiting the movement of her injured arm, she moaned when she felt Leon's fingertips on her thigh, a touch so affectionate that it didn't feel like him or she hadn't had the chance to try his touch yet. “You smell so good…” the compliment made her cheeks heat up, a lovely redness.

“D-don’t say things like that” she exclaimed, wrapping Leon’s boner between her legs, her core still being divided by the fabric of her panties. Claire rubbed herself and in response Kennedy's eyes narrowed, darting to her every curve.

With his digits, Leon felt the slight bruise on Redfield's arm, she grunted bitterly but he placed a kiss on her bare jaw and then on her nipples, lovingly, enveloped in her lust.

“I don't want to rush things, Claire. I can’t do this to you, to me— to us.”

It was the last thing he said to her. And somehow, that made her chest twitch and tingle, feel a contraction and a supernatural heat between her legs, arousal increasing. “Finish taking off those clothes” Claire commanded and his agility made her chuckled clumsy. She bit the inside of her cheeks, watched Leon's body closely as he moved, the muscles in his arms, the prominent abdomen and the throbbing cock hitting his stomach.

Redfield wanted to moan but prolonged any sound, she saved all that desire for Leon to take it and keep it, cherishing this moment as a memory.

Leon's waist was hugged by Claire's thighs, he felt the temperature of her pussy in contact with his skin, he let slip deep breath and rubbed himself, opened her lips and teased her folds. “I hate that shameless smile of yours…” Claire whispered, letting him guide her hips in a delicious ‘back and forth’. “Yeah?" he replied smugly, a roguish smile that made her bite his top lip.

Then, Claire supported herself on her knees, twisted her body and the tip of Leon's cock came down, being swallowed by her core, so sopping wet and hot that it was as if he was drowning in a bubbling sensation of genuine desire. As if they could both know exactly what the other was thinking. “Oh… This” Redfield continued on top of him dictating the rhythm, moving up and down without stopping while Leon held her ass cheeks, bouncing.

“Careful… Redfield” he mumbled, lifted his torso and hugged her, leaving her legs raised, without much difficulty. Claire was whimpering, she she felt as if his touch was permeating every layer of her body, his warm flesh transforming them into one, into a drop of them, into a universe... she could simply enjoy it.

Tired, Claire let herself lie down on the mattress, she closed her eyes, sighing intensely, feeling the texture of the sheets on her back, her injured arm resting in front of her body. She felt one of Leon's fingers waltz with her free hand, felt the touch of his lips on her fingers, and sobbed when Leon stuck one of those fingers in his mouth.

His tongue wrapped around her finger, erotically, Leon watched her expressions, waiting for her to come. Their eyes met once again, afterwards Leon felt the breath leave his lungs, the air was lost for a few seconds, he swore he was seeing the most beautiful and ethereal woman of all; Claire with her hair messy, her eyes watering and her body naked, sensitive and intimate.

“Shit.” Kennedy swore, thrusting against Claire slowly, passionately and affectionately, he made sure not to miss any of her expressions, any sign of her body, as hips slammed together, mouths and fingers on her breasts. “You are so gorgeous… This is— Fuck, I need to stop, I need—”

Listening to his incoherent mumblings, her nails buried into his wrists, like an unspoken request, Leon placed both hands next to Claire's head, left her legs floating in the air and went deep, the tip of his dick reaching her unfold places, hitting against her cunt in an inconstant firm rhythm.

With her free arm she hugged his neck, whimpered bashfully and moved her hand down to Leon's ass cheek, stimulating the movements he made.

Claire needed more, she wanted more, she wanted them to be one for a moment.

The scent of both together made Leon weak, he started kissing her, slowing the movements to taunt her — she’d led him to continue, perhaps even stronger, making her forget all this confusion... how they were more than just all those problems that covered them.

“Leon! Leon! I-I…!” Thereafter, a wild tension took over Claire's dripping walls, she seemed lost between words, her mind blank, an orgasm that had mixed her essence with Leon's.

Supportive, he remained there, together, affectionate, sometimes kisses, sometimes caresses, one touch softer than the other, conflicting with the past but fitting so well at the moment. When they moved away, Leon experienced the sincere smile, the naive happiness that transpired and almost became material around.

Claire lay down next to him, tangling in the sheets, tired and satisfied “I don’t know how many times I’ve said this today… but you—” Leon was interrupted, she silenced his lips with her index finger and waited for him to lie down.

“I don’t know…” she started, she didn’t know where to look, she alternated between Leon and his hand fixing her strands “That was… good… it was really good.”

Shaken, Leon thought, maybe she had something negative to say, good moments are still moments; “But…” he continued, as if he were inside her mind, waiting for anything.

“We could do everything differently” Claire states and continues “I understand a lot of your purposes, like the impulsive behaviour of yours. I don’t agree with them, but I understand it’s the world we live in.”

"What do you mean?" Confused, Leon was surprised by the answer: “Everything… I mean, things don’t have to end like this, we don’t.”

Kennedy didn't want to judge between the lines, he shared the same thoughts as her, perhaps beyond. He didn't want to create expectations that the environment could break, he knew that trust and loyalty were two sides of the same coin, he knew that hurting her was a way to save her and vice versa.

“Let's talk…” Claire peeked at Leon, her peace saying a thousand things, but no answer that satisfied her. “I… I'm filled with fear, doubts that I don't know what they are, that scares me. I can't drag people into this, that's not part of them”, he added, real and sensitive. Kindly, Claire, once again that night, showered hot kisses on Leon's hand, she kissed the scar, closed her eyes and focused her mind on the heat, the thickness, how big and sensitive his hand was, carrying weights that went up to his neck.

“It’s okay… I understand you, I have it too, a lot to be honest” she comforted, her voice sleepy and warm “You don’t have to go through that shit alone, Leon.”

He nodded silently, not that he didn't want to keep that topic, but perhaps the quietness in that minute fed confidence. Leon smiled awkwardly and embarrassedly, caressing her cheek with his thumb, lavishing affection and care. Leon wanted to keep that vision, to tattooing in his memory her lips breaking from her smile to exhaustion and yet, conveying security and vulnerability, not only because they were the same, not only because they went through the same impact, but precisely because they trusted in a uncertain hope.

Sleep resting them both.

Changes follow memories.

#leon kennedy #claire redfield #claire x leon #leon x claire #cleon #claire redfield x leon kennedy #claire x leon smut

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torialefay · 4 months ago

Note

https://youtube.com/shorts/T550Vy5XcPI?si=V0y9B6uaJ2kj91FE

Ok, grass platform, this "you like me more" and recently "I can't fix all your problems" AFTER all his teasing and roleplays on bubble is his character development, trying to fix what he created since his early twenties, results if therapy, OR next stage of his shit because i honestly already can't be aware where I'm delusional and where not

okay in the clip... this man getting cocky 😭😭😂😂😂 the "you like me more" is so moody anr bitchy i love it. he's fed up w everyone baiting him and throwing this shit on him 😂

this may seem out of pocket, and i may be wrong, but he does seem kind of worn down a bit. like he kinda seems like he's got a lot on his plate & is getting fed up w people saying things to him. he's just a person & he can only do so much. like i'm genuinely hoping that all of this isn't putting him in a bad mood.

but people are right when they say that he's online & knows what stays say about him. and i'd be fucking exhausted if i had to handle what he goes through. i think he might be too. people expect the fucking impossible from him when he's literally just a person who happens to have a very vulnerable job.

like genuinely just imagine. in the span of a week, you get all of this shit from people who are supposed to be your fans: (1) from the video, someone baiting you to say you love them more, knowing damn well that they stalk your entire life. (2) someone asking you to literally fix ticket sales and complain to you that they're frustrated and have to travel to see you and that you aren't giving them enough attention in their country. (3) people telling you off for not being asleep when you literally are up at the ass crack of dawn bc you have to wake up FOR THEM and to give THEM content. (4) people yelling at you & boycotting you for not talking about a topic as big as a war. as much as i support palestine, do people genuinely think that chris can talk about that? genuinely? "well other idols have done it so why can't he?" like baby, he got chan's room (which he had been doing for what? 4 years?) taken from him simply for saying that some people were disrespectful. by talking about the war, he would not only be the headline in the media for weeks, but he would also be violating his contract. they already took chan's room so what's next? probably taking away his insta, taking away his insta/tiktok lives, severely limiting his bubble posts, and even more. he'd have to issue a fucking apology statement just like last time- they could even put him on hiatus for all we know. i will never understand how people don't see that. "well he shouldn't compromise his morals." in an idealistic world, that's true, but this shit is his livelihood. i don't want to sound pessimistic, but in the end, the outcome of the war is 100% political. we can & should raise money for people who need it and do what we can to help, but we are at a point in the world that the governments control absolutely everything. do you genuinely think that what we do & say matters to them? the government always wins. it's like people are expecting chris' statement to suddenly overturn the government or smth.

and here's the thing: if he did talk about it & jype ended up taking away all of his shit, then stays are just gonna complain EVEN more, start more drama, start saying to boycot jype, sending trucks to make the kids' lives hell, and just generally put everyone in a bad light from the outside view.

meanwhile, chris is literally working his ass off every single day to the point that his body and mind are probably on the brink of exhaustion. like what more can someone give? i'd be so fucking fed up. and the fact that he hasn't exploded on anyone yet is honestly admirable.

i'm so sorry that this has spiraled into my random thoughts & opinions. i guess it just breaks my heart to see so much unwarranted responsibility on one person. like chris said, "i can't fix all your problems,"... with a little smile afterwards, trying to save face. there's no way that man isn't exhausted & that it isn't affecting him mentally. i hope he can find refuge in the little things like taking care of & decorating his new dorm, cooking with innie, and enjoying some rest when he actually gets the time. he deserves it

#bang chan #stray kids #bangchan #christopher bang #torialefay asks

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emojellyace08 · 1 year ago

Text

Just a little too tight, ft.! Jay Hong (Lookism)

'Genre: smut/lemon🍋 Slight warning: penetration, oral sex (female receiving) squirting!/cum shot!/unprotected sex! public sex! virginity lost! (with consent, bleeding). (mentions of slang terms of male and female genitalia). CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP! (reader is female). summary: Being a shy person, you're not very social with new and unfamiliar people. (well at least sometimes you're trying to). Unexpectedly, you and the "Prince of Fashion Department" became close friends and study buddies. Asking Jay for help for your assignment, you both went to a boutique store and guess what happens next ;).

Ever since you've transferred to J High, you're happy-go-lucky persona have turned into a closed shell. You're used to hanging out with your most-trusted friends a lot of the time. So when your parent/s have to move out of town because of their business, you're also need to move with them. You protest a lot that you can take care of yourself but since your family often worry a lot when it comes to your safety and they would treat you like a baby and even spoil you a lot. But despite of some issues affecting your daily life, you're actually grown and matured into a responsible child (well at least most of the time). You have a good social life and made some friends and you're a good student in terms of academics and values. Even though for some people this can be an example of a "perfect life", you still can't help but to feel lonely because of your strict parents forcing you to shape and mold this "good girl persona" out of you. You always think of getting a break and unleash your "inner animal" out of you and go wild sometimes like drinking and getting wasted on a local bar or you trying to get a date. So moving into a new city have really affected your mental health and triggered your anxiety in making new friends.

It was 6 am when your alarm started ringing, your warm and comfy sleep getting disturbed. While you ignore the loud noise on your phone, you tried to go back to napping but your realization that it's the first day of high school and the sound of the unstopping alarm made you pissed off before grabbing your device and turning it off. You stayed in your bed for a while contemplating your thoughts on how things will flow, hoping that it won't turn bad as it seemed. You groaned and slowly got up on your bed and preparing yourself on your first day of school.

You got out of your house wearing the traditional J-High uniform while your hair is combed properly and carried some of your extra notebooks on your hands. You waited outside for your personal service and after a few minutes, a familiar f/c car drove into your street before stopping on your gate. "Ready Ms. Y/N?" your personal driver greeted you with a warm smile before returning his sweet gesture and smiling back at him, telling him that you're ready well obviously you're lying.

You got inside of your car, tidied up your skirt and placed your personal belongings gently on the extra space on the comfortable seats before closing the door. You remained silent for the rest of the car ride and you kept your focus on the window, admiring the buildings and the trees that the car passed by while the sun shine brightly in the sky. After for a few minutes, your driver tried to initiate the conversation. "Are you feeling well Ms. Y/N?" he humbly asked as you looked at him while he was focused driving, "I don't really know. It's really weird to be attending into a new school." your pessimist thinking started showing and your driver took noticed of this, chuckling lightly at your statement. Not intending to make fun of you, he cleared his throat and advised that you're just feeling new about the move and you're still adjusting in the new environment that you're surrounded to. "Y'know Y/N, I promise that things will be okay for you. You're a good person and who knows, you may see your future in this big city." "Eh! C-C'mon quit it!" you immediately blushed and yelped with a slightly frustrated reaction, his eyes widened as he meant it as something on your future being positive and happy in the harsh world that we're living in, and not something about your love life. Him realizing that you took it in that understanding, he laughed more with him obviously just teasing you. "I know ma'am, I'm just trying to make you laugh." you immediately silenced and relaxed while looking back at him smiling. Well at least there's someone who can cheer you up a bit you thought.

Minutes passed and you arrived at the big, academic building. Your driver told you that he'll pick you up at the end of the school day and your parent/s texted them to look on you. You reassured him that you'll be fine and you won't cause trouble which he smiled back at you, knowing that he trusts you fully by heart more than your parent/s will ever be. You stepped out of the car, hair flowing in the wind while inhaling and exhaling deeply. Hoping that this school year won't be bad as you initially thought. Walking in the building, you see lots of unfamiliar faces. They would look at you and gossip how good looking you are. You being really uncomfortable with the unwanted attention, you rushed deep inside the building not knowing where you are going. Not focusing on the hallway, you bumped into someone tall, muscular and a pale skinned boy making you winced in pain as your carried notebooks fell on your hands. New school, new life they said.

"Ah! So-Sorry! I didn't mean to-" you tried to apologized before the raven-haired boy apologized too and bending down and helping you picked up your notebooks. He introduced himself as Daniel Park as you tell him your name too. "Fashion Department too?" he asked while giving you your notebooks which you gladly accepted and answered politely that you're also in the same class as him. You asked if he knows the way to your classroom but as a transfer student too, he's also not familiar with the building structure as you apologized for the inconvenience as he shook his hands reassuring you that it's alright for you to ask him even if he doesn't know how to answer your concerns (which he thought he hoped he would). You and Daniel remained chatting before being approached by a man looking like his early 40's approaching both of you if you are the new students for the Fashion Dept. and replying yes with a positive reaction. The teacher took noticed of this and greeted both of you with a gentle smile, mostly hyping up Daniel for his "good-looks" but he can't blame his self though. Daniel looked like those K-Pop stars on the television and dramas and you see him as a pleasant person to interact.

Making your way into the class, the teacher introduced you and Daniel in the class. Girls have hearts on their eyes seeing the angelic features of Danny and boys drooling at the sight of you making you and Daniel slightly uncomfortable yet feeling appreciated. Daniel initiated that you start your introduction first. Not wanting to argue and disappoint him, you cleared your throat as sweat tickled down your face and introduced yourself. "I-I'm L/N Y/N nice to meet you guys". You tried to cheer up the weird atmosphere lingering as more girls whispered and complimented your "beautiful features" and the guys in the back already planning to ask you out for a date. Most people in the room commented about you except for the two boys who didn't deal much about it. At the back, a black-haired male with fixed hair just scoffed and looked outside the window, murmuring underneath his breath that Mira or someone which you didn't know looks so much better than you. You cringed at his remark, not because you're offended but mostly because it's the first day of school and you already felt that there are definitely some people who will be hard to deal with. But the one that stood out to you the most is a blonde boy whose hair covers his eyes, only showing his nose and rosy lips. He was staring at you (if he even got eyes) until both of you finally exchanged eye contact which shocked your senses. This remained for a few second before he finally broke the weird "staring contest" and him staring at the clean and clear window, not saying anything about it. You felt yourself blushing and focused on the mysterious male that you didn't realized that Daniel's finally done speaking and the girls' loud squealing didn't bother your eardrums until the teacher told both of you to sit down on your perspective seats. Snapping at your own thoughts, you were signed to sit with the blondy himself which made you surprised and thinking on what a coincidence this is. Daniel is now seatmates with the male with some gel on his hair. You can see the handsome male gulping harshly and being extremely nervous. Does he and the other guy have some beef? You shook your head not trying to get on anyone's business before approaching your chair as the blond boy stared at you more. You returned the attention at the male with a cheeky smile on your lips, obviously you trying to ease the tension between both of you. "Hi I'm Y/N nice to meet you." You happily greeted your seatmate but what's weird is that he doesn't talk (literally). Instead he looks at you with a slight confusion on his face before looking back at the window which leaves you wondering on what's his deal and why he's acting like that. Is he really that shy that even a single hello won't leave on his mouth? "Jay is just like that newbie. He doesn't really talk so get used to it" a boy replied to you while fixing his rimmed glasses. "Oh, I see" you replied back with a hint of disappointment in your voice before sinking back to your thoughts and sitting on the wooden chair. "So his name his Jay huh? What a really quiet guy." You thought at the back of your mind as you turned your attention back in class, trying to understand the lesson while Jay resting his hand on his face just stares at the beautiful scenery of leaves falling out of the big trees on a warm sunny day.

Hours passed and the bell rang loudly signaling that it's time for lunch. Before getting up, you are approached by a female with a thick amount of make-up on her face while wearing a big smile on her face. "Hi! I'm Zoe, wanna hang out in the canteen?" she asked with an energetic mood and you not wanting to be rude, you gladly and nervously accepted her offer. You and Zoe made your way to the canteen and oh boy, it's a whole big mess. There's bullies who beat the hell out of the guy and ordered the "ugly-ones" to get their food instead of doing it themselves. Which Zoe warned that you should never enter their territory and break the commotion or else "you'll get the taste of your own medicine". While she introduced the others to you when you're both in line for getting your lunch like Zack Lee who's the "professional boxer", Vin Jin and his little minions being one of the most notorious bullies at school and many more students with their "outstanding" personalities, one of them stood out to you the most and you can't help to ask her about Jay. Ever since you stepped your feet in that classroom, everybody fawned over you except him who just stared at you and him not starting any conversation bothered you a bit and making you also curious about him. It's not that you want to force yourself into others who's also uncomfortable with attention and cross that boundary called privacy, but you guess that his closeted personality is what makes you interested in him.

"Oh, Jae-Yol? oppa? Whew, he's a really hard guy to get in touch with". she stated looking a bit disappointed since she couldn't really ask for his number once while picking some tteokboki and placing it on her tray. "Why is it so?" you asked while getting some rice for your tray too while slightly looking at her concerned. "He is a really, I mean REALLY quiet guy. His looks are wasted for nothing if he would never interact with a girl even once! And besides you never get to see his eyes. I also heard that he's a child of a rich person so... It's a win! But he just y'know, he just never opens his mouth". she remarked while getting more food as you did the same, processing your thoughts on about what she gave some information to you. You're debating on the back of your mind if he might have family issues or social problems making him the way he is or if he's just really like that. "Is he really like that?" you asked curiously before Zoe answered your question. " Yeah. He's so hard to catch on" she paused for a second before talking to you again. Oh~~~ you like him right?!" she teased before you look back at her with a tint of red on your cheeks. "What! Hell no! It's the first day of school and why would I get a crush on a guy that fast!" you defended yourself while she still teased you like saying that she can get his number for you which you hissed back at her saying that you don't need it making her laugh while you're getting red like a tomato. As you bicker with the girl, you didn't even noticed that there's a familiar blonde head that's listening to your conversation just a little miles away while eating his lunch.

After a whole boring hours of fashion history and measurements which doesn't make a lots of sense to you, you're all dismissed and it's time to go home. And despite being the first day, there are already some homework that are assigned to you that are required to finish it the next day. You sighed in disappointment knowing that you can feel your burnout from the stress that you're feeling right now. As everybody gets and lifts up their backpacks, you remained in your seat leaning down on your study table, head down on the wooden surface with your pen and paper right all over your face before you felt a tap on your shoulder. You groaned as you looked up at someone who's offering you something. You saw a familiar face. Jay was just offering you a pack of tissue. "Oh. Hi, but what are those for?" you curiously asked him even though you know that he won't answer your question verbally. He pointed on his head and traced it down to his face, you find it really hot that he did that, not comprehending on what he's trying to say. You realized that he's trying to tell you that you're sweating. Looking shocked on what you thought about instead of paying attention, you shook your head and looked back at your homework which is a bit stained from your liquids as you get flustered violently. How the hell did you just embarrassed yourself to him. Not looking back at Jay, you picked some pieces of tissue with shaky hands and thanking him for it but he still hands you the whole pack. Him hinting that it's okay for you to take all of it. "Wait, you're giving it all to me?" he nods slowly as you gently get it from his hands. Yours making contact with his as you feel the sexual tension rising from the both of you. You quickly let go of his hands as you thanked him again for the tissue and he just rubbed his neck, you slowly glimpsing that he has a small smile forming on his lips. He's probably not bad as you seemed he is at first. You fixed your stuff and as you were going to exit the classroom, he held your hand as he was trying to say something. "What's the matter?" you shyly asked before he got his phone on his pocket and typed something on his notepad app. After for a few minutes trying to find his words (no pun intended), he finally showed you on what's written on his phone. You leaning in, you read the words out loud saying the following. "I can help you with the homework". Your eyes widened as you thought that he's also an observative person as he quickly noticed you getting troubled in the assignment. "Sure! You wanna meet up in my house?" You asked him curiously hoping that he would accept your request and he nods again in approval as you smiled brightly and exchanged contact numbers and thanked him for the offer to help as you walk out of the room with him (you really need that number though, so denial at first huh?).

And that's how you and Jay became study buddies and friends. Months passed by, whenever there are quizzes, activities, and exams coming you and Jay and sometimes Daniel including his friends Jiho and Duke will be meeting at a special place like a cafe or even in your house for studying and hoping all of you will pass. Most of your classmates were shocked that Jay is finally socializing at least with someone like you and Daniel and the fact that you can understand him even when he's not saying anything. Jay mostly shows this soft side with the two of you. But what's the most obvious change in Jay is that he's finally have a courage to talk to a girl which makes your classmates laugh out loud that even your classmates shipped you and him. But you're embarrassed by this, you reassuring that you and him are just friends making your classmates raise their eyebrows. But really? he treats you snacks and lunch every single day even if you have your own allowance, he takes you out on random days (just the two of you), and always spend time in you even with no reasons or even if it's not the time for you to have a study session. You thought Zoe and the other girls were "delusional" for thinking that he likes you in that way and you should ask him out for a proper date. But since you're afraid of rejection, you won't make the first move to confess your real feelings for him.

Months to years passed by, there are many dramas happening in your school, student fights with more homework piling, and also your relationship with Jay slowly processed and bloomed like a flower. You and Jay get to know each other. On what's your favorite color, your favorite food, yet alone each others' birthday and celebrate it with your other peers each year. Your happy that you have a "friend" on your side. But as more time you spend with each other, the more your feelings for him developed. You found out about each others weaknesses and you didn't judge each other about it. As much you want to confess to him, your insecurities get in the way and the fear of rejection and loosing a friend gets in your way on voicing out on how you really feel about him. You went from the shy freshman student from a senior now graduating. Your homework gets a little bit challenging particularly this specific assignment about dressing semi-formally for the prom that will be organized by the Architecture Department. Your task is just simple yet you all need to be creative. While the Baking Department was to prepare the sweets and other food, the Vocal and Dance Department is to prepare the special performances and handle the audio system, and the Beauty Department is to fix the guests make-up, you and you're classmates task is to organize the dress code for the other guests to follow to. All of you should buy clothes or make a slideshow of some dresses, tuxes and other accessories and make a presentation to the teacher before he approves it for the event. Instead of making a slideshow since you have lots of money, you decided to buy some clothes for the activity. You also planned to style it up a bit but since you're not confident about your fashion taste, you decided to ask some help from the "Prince of the Fashion Department", Jay himself. You texted him if he can help you with it and he quickly replied saying where can you both meet up. You decided to ask him if you can shop with him in this new boutique store in the city at the new mall which he gladly agreed to.

It's 2pm and you made your way to the mall in your car. "I'll pick you up at 5:30." your driver reminded you. "Please pick me up at 6:30, if that's fine." You humbly requested with closed hands as he sighs deeply. "Y'know your parents are strict especially when it comes to your curfews right?" he gently replied as you had that "puppy eyes", begging him to give you more extra time. Sighing once again, he agrees to your request. "6:30 it is. No extensions." "No extensions" you replied back as he smiled. You got out of the car shutting the car door gently as your driver rolled down the car window. "Enjoy." he replied once again as he rolled up his car windows and drove away. Watching the f/c move away slowly getting out of your sight. "Where is Jay now? He said he's on his way now". you thought to yourself as you feel getting impatient as you wait for him, you sure are so excited to see him. Minutes passed as a familiar car made it's way on the entrance as it's stop right in front of you. A familiar blonde head got out of the car wearing a white Gucci t-shirt and dark blue pants with a smile on his fair and smooth face as you waved back at him acknowledging his presence. An old man also advised your friend to take care of himself before driving off. Being stuck in that familiar and slightly weird atmosphere lingering between you which happens all the time, you decided to break the silence as always. "You wanna come in that new fast food chain? I heard their food tastes so good". You asked him out and he nodded in agreement as you heard his stomach grumble as a sign he didn't take his lunch at home before going outside, making you chuckle at the cute action as he blushed violently.

You spend some time eating in random food stops at the mall and walking around for a bit, admiring the new shops and products that are now open to shop on. After getting some rest for a while, you and Jay now went on the department store to shop on some jewelries as you also suggested if chokers can be paired with dresses with he kind of agreed with (he probably means that it depends on the style of the dress) as he did the same looking for good pair of earrings for his self probably. Hours passed on spending your money on food and on your assignment that you didn't keep track of the time passing by. "Oh wait, It's almost 6! We gotta pick some clothes first 'cause my service will be downstairs at 6:30". You explained to the blonde male nodding once again as he understands that your parents are really strict when it comes to hang outs especially in public places like this (you talked about some certain part of your life to him opening up on your insecurities about yourself when you have study sessions at each others house/apartment which he comforts you for since he understand how you feel).

Both of you went inside on the newly opened boutique store. The store has a really warm and cozy atmosphere with the yellow lights that lighten up the place. The shelves were made of fresh wood and is filed with lots of beautiful designer-bags. The place was also filled with the craft of the creative, various and complex designs of dresses, skirts, blouses and other form of clothing you can name. "Wow it looks so pretty here!" you remarked as you feel being free for the first time, your eyes shining like the little stars in the nighttime as your cheeks flushed deep pink like a newly bloomed rose. Jay smiled on your reaction thinking it was really cute and it's the first time that he saw you really happy and satisfied. Shopping with your parent/s is definitely not fun as they always pick the clothes for you instead of you choosing instead from the different options of clothes that you have to pick.

You continued to look around for clothes feeling amazed as Jay followed you and stayed on your side before being approached by a sales lady wearing her cream colored uniform and her hair tied in a bun. "Hello ma'am, how can I help you?" she asked politely with a smile plastered on her bright red lips before you turned to look at her and blushed a bit, thinking your amusement is childish. "Um-Hi. I just wondered if you have both clothing for men and women?" you asked shyly as she asked back if it's a pairing of tuxes and dresses for you and Jay attending a wedding lmao. "Oh, no no no! just uh- it's just for a event on our school that will be held next week." you shook your hands as you assured her. "Oh I see, my apologies. Is it for a prom? formal or semi formal?" she asked curiously as you answered her politely that the dress code will be semi-formal as Jay stood silently at your side trying to understand your conversation with the lady. The female lead both of you to the semi-formal section as your eyes sparkled more as you went through to look for the clothes that you thought suits you the best as Jay did the same. You selected some dresses with Jay helping you on what he personally thinks suits you the best before going on the fitting room as Jay did the same but in a different cubicle. Minutes passed as Jay is done fitting all the clothes he picked, all of the tuxes, pants and suits him perfectly (as it should). He got out of the other fitting room as he was approached by the sales lady if he can pay for the clothes now, which he shook his hand in disagreement as he waits for you to get finished. As more minutes passed, he remained waiting for you until he knocked on the cubicle door that you're in which make you yelp in surprise.

"Oh-Jay is that you?" you asked as he didn't respond verbally which always happen. You're glad that there's a space on the bottom of the door which you can look down as you see a familiar white sneakers on the floor as you sighed that it's really is Jay and not some random creep. "Jay can you help me? I think this dress is too tight." you explained to him as you approached the door knob and unlocked it and opened the door and you see the familiar blondie. He looked shocked to see what you're wearing. A black spaghetti strap dress which perfectly wraps around your body size, exposing your tits and cleavage while the short length of the dress shows off your thighs and legs. Jay tries not to look on your parts while he tries not to blush at the sight, feeling warmth slowly spread against his body. "Can you help me take it off? The strap is too tight, if you mind." you innocently requested as Jay nodded harshly, trying to show courage. You have trust issues with these things with other people even with the sales lady since you're really shy about your body. But since you trust Jay, you didn't see anything perverted anything about this.

You turn you back to him as you face the cubicle with the mirror seeing you and Jay's reflection. Jay's shaky hands made its way to your shoulder straps, trying not to touch your bare skin and creep you out. His shaky hands adjusted the dress's straps as he breathe in and out gently trying not to panic, trying to think that nothing is wrong. It's completely normal and he also fixed his younger sister's clothes when she needs help, so why is he feeling nervous? You stared at each other's reflection as you wonder why Jay's face is red. Is he not feeling well? Did you made him uncomfortable?

After he fixed the straps, he quickly put his hands on his pockets. Fidgeting and playing with the pant's fabric as he quickly looked down trying not to avoid eye contact with you. You worried about Jay, you leaned on his face asking him if he's fine while brushing his hair against his eyes. This made him panic deep inside more as your braless chest is exposed all over in his face. You didn't even noticed that your face is too close against his. And that's when the most unexpected thing happened. He first wondered why you turned completely silent as your eyes keep looking down and why your cheeks were just red as a tomato like his before and as he looked down at what or where you at looking at, he noticed his "little" pet getting excited. He finally understood what is happening. You see his dick getting hard poking his denim pants. This made him terrified and embarrassed. He didn't mean to look at you that way as you unintentionally asked for help while looking sexy! "So-Sorry Jay! I didn't mean to!" You yelped covering your eyes as he quickly looked away as you did the same. Jay just wants to disappear and make his way to heaven as get away from this accident. But not being able to control his horniness at the same time, he gently grabbed your face as you see him parting his lips as he wants to say something. But him not being able to verbally express his love to you, he gently pecked your lips as you remained frozen processing what is happening until you finally understand what is going on, you decided to finally kiss him back.

"Jay, I-" you whimpered against his soft lips as he kisses you again, this time finally inserting his tongue against your mouth as both of you went inside the cubicle, him pinning you against the wall. Your tongues fought for dominance but Jay being obviously stronger than you, was able to take over you as you slowly gave in. Your tongue making contact with his as he continued to fuck your mouth make your thighs sweat and your pussy twitch. You never felt this way before neither touch yourself, Jay is the only person to make you feel this certain way that you don't understand. But none of that matters now, what matters is you felt safe around him that's why you let him kiss you. You feeling that you're loosing air, you broke the kiss as a trail of saliva formed between your warm tongues as Jay looks at you with a lustful expression. Brushing his nose against yours as if he's trying to tell you something, you asked if it's okay if you and him can kiss more, him nodding as he gave you consent. But before doing so, he noticed that the door is open. Not wanting to get caught, he made his way to close the door as he did silently and locking it. This made you blush even harder as you can feel your heart pumping louder in every beat. "Is this really happening now?" you thought to yourself but there's no turning back now. You've been hiding your feelings since the first day of school and it's the time to express to him on how much you like him. He made his way to you as you remained standing at the wall. He kept looking at your eyes (well you can feel it) as if he wants to ask you something. "Jay, it's fine. You can kiss me more." you whispered on his ear not wanting to expose yourself to the sales ladies as he locks his lips again against yours, you and him repeating the same lewd actions using your mouths. After some minutes of making out, breaking the kiss his lips slowly made his way on your neck giving it wet, pampered pecks as his hands hold your waist gently and you biting your knuckle trying to limit your noises. "Jay..." you moaned his name as his cock twitches more, wanting his dick deep inside you but he chooses to take his time with you not caring about each other's curfew. Him finding that sensitive spot that he's looking for underneath your ears making you yelp as he gently sucked on the soft skin. Him making hickies and love bites where it won't be noticeable. Your body has its own movements as you bucked your hips on his length as he gritted his teeth trying not to make any noise.

"Ha~" you moaned more as his lips moved lower reaching your cleavage as he gently kissed it. Him looking back at you for consent, you smiled as a sign that it's okay for him to take your clothes off. Him taking off the straps on your shoulders as you felt the dress fell off from your body down to the wooden floor, exposing your perky and soft tits and your f/c panties with a wet patch forming which makes Jay's cock getting more aroused. Jay continued to kiss on your cleavage before looking back at you asking for consent again for him to kiss your breasts which you smiled and telling him it's okay. Staring at your breasts again, he started to kiss on the plump skin which makes you moan and call for him name softly as he continued to plant hickies on your sensitive skin. His tongue now makes direct contact on your hard nipple as he swirls his wet muscle against your aroused bud as he squeezes your other breast which makes you cover your mouth as you moan more underneath your hand. "Jay, Ah..." you continued to call for him as Jay continued to make the same action on your other breast before making his way to your stomach leaving trails of kisses on your body before facing your most delicate area. Looking back at you again he asks for consent as you approved for his request to pleasure you. Jay pulled down your underwear letting it fall down your legs, you sighing as the cold air made contact with your wet pussy. You're blushing about the fact that your first time is going to happen on a public place. Topics about sex enough is alone to make you flustered, yet alone doing the act especially with someone who you really trust. You were lost on your own thoughts that you almost moaned so loud when Jay's tongue finally made contact on your vulva. "Oh! Jay~" you whined as he licked a stripe on your slick tasting your sweet liquids forming on your private area. Jay continued to give kitty licks on your pussy as you continued to moan for his name before hearing a knock on the door.

"Ma'am are you alright there? do you need help?" you heard a familiar and sweet voice coming from the outside. "Oh-Uh-No! I-I'm alright here." you nervously replied hoping that she won't look down and notice the two set of feet on the same cubicle and get caught having sex. "Are u sure Ma'am?" "Ye-Yeah! I'll be there." You replied back hoping that she would go away and luckily she did. Waiting for the sales lady to be far enough from the dressing room, sighing you and Jay both smiled thinking both of you were lucky for not getting caught doing the deed. "I'll be more quiet. I'm sorry." you shyly apologized with Jay shook his head in disapproving signing that it's alright. Going back to action, he continued to lick and slurp on your cunt which makes your eyes roll back at the back of head getting lost from the feeling of warmness and pleasure just from his tongue. The blonde started sucking on your swollen clit making your eyes widen from the stimulation. Covering your mouth from making more suspicious noise. Jay continued eating you out like a hungry wolf who hadn't got his meal for years. The blonde continued to repeat the same motions over and over, his tongue would swipe and lick your entrance teasing you more and coming back to your clit just to suck it making you want to moan louder as you hoped that no one will hear you. Jay did this for minutes making you see dancing stars before you felt his tongue entered inside you. "Hmph!" you moaned while covering your mouth as his wet muscle make contact with your tight walls. Jay continued to suck on your entrance as his tongue flickered and tickled your insides. His tongue continued to make swirls and circles and as he kept sucking and licking you outside and inside. You felt a weird feeling building on your stomach as Jay continued to eat you out. "Ja-Jay I-I think I'm gonna- Oh!" you called for him again as he felt your insides squeeze his tongue and felt liquids coming out from your hole. He continued to fuck you with his mouth as you experienced your first ever orgasm. As you finished cumming, he pulled out his tongue from your pussy as he tasted your liquids dripping out of your hole.

Him getting up with glossy and wet face, he pulled you for another kiss as you taste yourself from his mouth. You continued to make out as you unbuttoned his pants, him not flinching is a sign that it's okay for you to undress him letting his pants fall on the floor and removing his boxers next. Breaking the kiss, Jay's veiny cock started poking your sensitive clit hinting if he can take your virginity and be inside you. "Do you want to do it?" you nervously asked him as he nodded while cupping your cheeks. "Just be gentle, it my fi-first." you stuttered as you began feeling nervous hoping that it won't hurt. Jay noticed your nervous reaction about this as he cupped your cheeks more and making more eye contact. It's like he's saying that both of you don't have to have sex if you're feeling uncomfortable. You reassured him that you're alright about this and you wanted your first time to be with him. He paused for a while before finally understanding that you trust him enough and whole hearted for him to be your first, he smiled at this as he gave you another peck, this time on the cheek as you chuckled as he's finally going to express on how he likes you too spoiler oops.

You positioned yourself, hands on the wall and on all fours exposing your pussy making the blondie's cock grow bigger more getting excited. Jay sighing, he pumped his cock as precum starting to build on his tip before pushing it inside you. Your senses were in shock as his thickness occupied your tight cunt, making you scrunch your face as you felt a mixture of pain and pleasure down to your core. "Jay... it hurts" you whined softly as you try to restrain your voice. You don't want to hear the sales lady you whimpering in pain, she might think that you're in trouble and need help! Jay took his attention at you're feelings as he's about to pull out, not wanting to hurt you even if it's unintentional. You felt Jay pull out his cock on your tight cunt, he watched your cunt is bleeding as your hole spill blood staining his cock. He gently grabbed your face making you face him a little bit as you see his lips form a frown. "Jay it's okay... Wait, am I bleeding?" You asked him as you see drops of red liquid stain the floor. You not wanting to stain the unbought black dress and pay more, you sighed as you kicked off the piece of clothing even if your cunt is literally feeling and screaming in pain right now as your thighs and legs shook in sync making it hard to balance yourself especially when you're standing. You guessed that Jay is too big for you.

"Jay, please put it again". you begged for him as he frowns more worried if you felt forced to do this just because he got horny from the sight of you wearing a very appealing dress. You asked him back if he wants to stop too as he shook his head. He wants to do it with you obviously, if his cock didn't got up he's obviously not going to panic that bad. He positioned his self, inhaling and exhaling deeply as he pushed his member again this time being more gentle. You sighed as you felt his cock fill up your virgin walls as he bends down to give kisses on your shoulders, comforting and distracting you from the pain and uneasiness that you're experiencing right now. Minutes passed as you finally told him that he can move slowly. He slowly trusted in and out of you. Despite the gentle force, you can feel his tip poke and hit your sweet spots as you moaned quietly feeling that familiar mixture of both of that positive and negative feeling that your pussy is receiving.

After a few moments of adjustments, Jay slowly but surely picked up the pace of his movements making you yelp and moan, not in pain this time but in pleasure. "Ja-Jay!~" you moaned trying to be silent as Jay continued to fuck your insides. Your slapping bodies continued to make that lewd noise that can be probably heard outside but neither of the staffs makes its way to ask you if you are done fitting your clothes. They probably don't give a fuck anymore as they probably know that you and Jay were doing something suspicious anyways.

"Hmph, Fu-Fuck! Ah~" you whined as his tip is now hitting your cervix over and over again making your legs shake much than before. You and Jay continued to fuck like animals in heat while lewd noises coming from your filthy mouth and the contact of his pelvis and your ass fills the cubicle. His big cock hitting your special parts makes you feel that familiar ball of heat that's about to release again. "Jay I think I'm going to- Hah Fuck!" you called for his name as you felt your release made its way out of your pussy as Jay continued to pump his dick in and out while his body starts to sweat from all the effort he's putting in just to make you cum. He felt your insides squeeze him even tighter than before as he tilt his head back, thinking to himself that this is feels so much better than fisting himself when he's thinking about you, feeling his own orgasm coming soon. Gently getting your hands that are pinned over to the wall he continued his horny puppy dog pace gripping into your hands tightly, completely making your pussy feel so good as you felt your once virgin area completely fucked by his big boner. After a few more hard core thrusts, Jay quickly pulled out of your cunt as you whined from the feeling of emptiness on your pussy and he came on your now swollen vulva and clit. Pumping more of his liquids as he achieves his mind blowing orgasm that even his own hands can't achieve when he masturbates.

You and Jay remained in your position panting for air before you face his handsome face and asked him if he's feeling well. He nodded with a smile as he tucked your hair behind your ear and giving you a sweet peck on the lips for reassurance as you did the same, returning the lovable action. You and Jay just made love.

You and Jay got cleaned up and dressed (luckily you bought packs of wipes, dependable for really important matters ;). You checked the place first before you signaled him to get out with you not realizing that there's CCTV filming you ehem, him carrying the clothes you picked for the event. You and him made your ways in the counter to pay for your stuff. The cashier noticed your blushing face and shaky legs, asking you if you felt sick but you shook your head saying that you're fine. Jay paid for your stuff even if you insisted that you can pay it yourself (this happens always). Carrying your personal belongings as your blondie helped you, you and your Jay made your ways out of the boutique and the mall at exactly in time, not caring if the CCTV filmed the whole commotion you did in the dressing room.

"That was fun." you exclaimed as you enjoyed your day being in Jay's side as he felt the same smiling back at you and leaning down to give you a proper kiss as you kissed him back. Just in time, your service made it's way to you to take you home. "Ms. Y/N." Your driver called your name as you laughed at his silly voice as Jay smiled seeing you smiling genuinely makes him happy enough and makes his day even better. "Jay are you sure that you'll wait your service here?" you asked him as he nodded and kissed your cheek in reassurance making you flustered and your service makes an "oh" reaction. Making your way into the car, Jay being a gentleman opened the door for you and helped your carry your shopping bags and other stuff. "Texts?" you asked him as he nodded once again and you tell him to take care and stay safe, waving your hand goodbye as Jay imitated you giving you farewells before your driver pulled off.

"Wow, Ms. Y/N I didn't know you got yourself a boyfriend now." he chuckled lightly at your flustered reaction, telling him that he can't tell this to your parent/s. Him not wanting to take away your trust, he reassured you that he won't spill the tea, making you smile back at him. The entire car ride was quiet before you heard a notification on your phone inside your bag. Being curious, you took your phone and opened your contact app as you see that it's just Jay. You opened and message and read it in your head. "Did you got home?" he asked as you replied back that you're still on the car as you asked him the same question and he replied with the same answer. He also asked you if you and him can go to a date. "You wanna meet up for a date at the mall again and have some dinner?" he asked you. You and Jay are becoming a thing now! "Sure! what time?" you messaged and he quickly replied back stating the time at date. You also suggested if he can come over your house tomorrow and he replied with a yes and ending his message with a positive note. 'Good night love you. Get home safe." he sent the sweet message as you smiled reading the message and replying back at him with a the same message. You finally found your someone, someone who is named Hong Jayeol. And someone that you can love for the rest of your life as Jay thought the same while leaning on the car window watching the lights complimented with the dark hues of the purple and dark blue sky slowly turning into a black color as the sun sank in the beautiful horizon.

A/N: (feel free to request some Lookism related one shots with your favorite characters! female or male is fine. But I don't do character x character though.)

I might probably write a Park Junggun or Zack Lee smut x female reader after this lol good night

#lookism smut #jay hong x reader #jay hong #lookism x reader #manhwa smut

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