#i hope i did this right i have never done one before

[bruhstories]

Bet IV

p.1 here & p.2 here & p.3 here

mandatory mdni because things will start to get heated up in the following chapters.

summary: you're starting to feel things for the man who hired you to take care of his cat. but he's only being nice. that's it and nothing more. pairing: hwang in-ho/the front man x civilian!reader warnings & content: age gap, afab!reader, slightly detailed descriptions of reader’s background for plot purposes, red text for in-ho, purple for reader, pre 33rd squid game, canon divergent, domestic violence (reader gets slapped by her uncle), veeeery slow burn, reader's dad is dead w/c: 2.1k

a/n: if you would like to be tagged for the next part, please check this post! thank you for reading! please remember that if you asked to be tagged but i can't find your age on your blog, you will NOT be tagged. there will be smut and people dying lol.

"Where were you last night?"

You sighed at your uncle's question, sick and tired of explaining the same thing over and over again. He woke up earlier than he should have, especially for a man who worked night shifts at a warehouse. He did it on purpose, just to have more reasons to pick on you, and you knew that all too well. You lived through that hell for the past ten years.

"I told you, I was cat sitting." 

"Cat sitting." He repeated with derision in his voice. "You need to get a real job."

"I have two real jobs." You reminded him, and it took all your willpower not to raise your voice at him.

"Where's the money, then? Huh?" Your uncle grabbed you by the wrist, twisting it backwards.

"I'm getting paid today!"

"How much?" 

"660,326!" You cried out as his fingernails dug deeper into your skin.

"I better see that money on my nightstand by tomorrow morning." He let go of your wrist. "Keep the change."

How generous, you thought, rubbing the crescent-shaped dents in your skin. At least he didn't hit you, but your small victory crumbled when he turned on his heels, smacking you with the plastic fly swatter in his hand. Once. Twice. Thrice. 

You didn't cry, not in front of him. Never in front of him. 

But when you stepped through the doors of Mr. Hwang's penthouse, the dam broke, and tears streamed down your cheeks. They burned when they touched the cracked, swollen skin, courtesy of your uncle, but you still smiled at the sight of Eunjoo.

Instead of waiting next to the water bowl, like she had done before, the cat jumped on the countertop, her paw gently touching your wrist, where the imprinted dents of his fingernails were still visible. You didn't know why, but Eunjoo's gesture made you cry harder, heavy tears falling onto her plate. 

"Good kitty." You sobbed, daring to pet her, and she allowed it, nuzzling your hand for the first time since you met her.

Without wasting a single moment, you took out your phone to take a selfie of you and Eunjoo, and sent it to In-ho, with the caption 'Making progress!' You thought he might be happy to see her slowly lower her guard and get attached to you.

Who hurt you?

Stupid. How could you be so stupid to send a selfie when your cheek was grazed and puffy? Of course Mr. Hwang would ask about it, he was a nice man, one whose kindness you didn’t think you deserved.

I accidentally walked into a lamppost! Silly, right?

Hoping that the lie would be convincing enough, you carried on with your tasks after eating with Eunjoo, and to your surprise, it worked. It fooled him, but you weren’t proud of yourself in the slightest. 

You need to be more careful next time. If anything happened to you, who would take care of Eunjoo until I return?

It shouldn't have hurt reading his reply, and yet your heart ached. What did you expect? You were an employee, he obviously wanted his cat to be safe, not you. And how could someone like him even care about someone you? You came from different worlds that could never intertwine.

I will.

No thank you, no sad face — you were bitter, even though, rationally, you had no reason to be. Besides, you lied to him in the first place. Maybe if you told him the truth, he would have sent a different reply. It didn't matter. In less than five days he would come back, pay you and never speak to you again. Just like all rich people did.

You cleaned the bathrooms that morning, scrubbing the bath tubs, the toilets, the sinks and the floors until your fingertips stung and your head pounded from the bleach fumes. The vibration of your phone startled you, and you wiped your hands to check the notification.

Have I upset you?

Okay, maybe he did care. Or maybe he was just very observant and noticed your monotonous reply.

Not at all, I just have a lot on my mind. I'm sorry that you worried about me, or that I seemed upset! You're right, I need to be more careful next time.

Please don't take this the wrong way, miss, but I've never met anyone who apologised for making me worry about them. You're quite special.

You did a double take when you read Mr. Hwang's reply, and a wave of remorse crushed your heart. The man was too nice for you to lie to him, but you didn't want him involved in your family affairs, either. There was a strong internal conflict within you, a battle between honesty and dishonesty, but for the time being, dishonesty won, no matter how disgraceful it was.

Choosing not to reply, as time was ticking and the Abduls would be waiting for you soon, you swiftly finished tidying up the bathrooms and put away all the cleaning products so Eunjoo couldn't get to them. With the automatic feeder full, fresh water in the bowl and litter boxes clean, you left.

In all fairness, you didn't know what to reply to his text. No one called you special before, except for that one guy you dated who only wanted to sleep with you, and unfortunately succeeded. It wasn't your proudest moment, but you moved on since then. You stared at the text, typing a reply, then deleting it, then typing again, and you did that for the duration of the entire bus ride back to Guryong Village. By the time you knocked on Ali's door, you still hadn't come up with a response.

What could you even say? Thank you? Likewise? I'm sorry I lied to you, my uncle slapped me with the fly swatter? No. In telling the truth, Mr. Hwang would pity you, perhaps even offer you more money, or food, or clothes, and you didn't want to be pitied. You wanted your hard work to be recognised, not to use your social status or depressing background as an excuse.

Mrs. Abdul couldn't feed you that day, and that was fine. They needed to prioritise themselves, since they didn't live any better than you. Luckily, you saved enough money to buy a kimbap roll for lunch and a bag of rice crackers for dinner and breakfast. Resourcefulness was, perhaps, your strongest point and the reason you survived for so long.

The theme park was packed with tourists and locals, gathering to watch the parade, and you took the time to entertain children and take pictures with them, always on your feet, always working. Back in the dressing room, you took the comically large mascot head off, sweat dripping down your face and neck. Summers were worse — there were body parts you didn't think could sweat.

"Excuse me, Y/N?"

You looked up from your seat to a man around your age, a coworker named Donghyun. He had worked there for a few months or so, but you barely spoke.

"Yes?" You smiled, resting your elbows on the mascot head in your lap.

"We're getting paid today, and a few of us are going for drinks after work. I was wondering if you would like to come." Donghyun avoided looking into your eyes, nervously pinching the soft fur of his own mascot.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but I have another job I need to get to. Maybe another time."

"Yeah, another time." He nodded. "Hey, could I get your number?"

"Why would you want my number?" You laughed, immediately pursing your lips when Donghyun frowned. "Sorry, yeah, of course I'll give you my number!"

You were such a people pleaser, it was ridiculous, but he seemed to feel better after saving your number in his phone. And there was no harm in making new friends.

"I'll text you later." Donghyun nodded with a smile and left.

What a strange interaction, you thought. It wasn't unusual for men to like you — you were pretty, smart, funny — but you just weren't interested in any of them. In fact, it was their age and maturity that didn't appeal to you. They acted like prepubescent pricks, trying to impress anything with a vagina and a pretty face by being obnoxious and loud and downright irritating.

Older men were different. They had manners, they were respectful and caring. They knew how to dress, knew how to speak to women, kind of like Mr. Hwang.

Oh. 

God, you needed to forcibly remove that thought from your mind before it spiraled into something worse. In-ho probably wanted nothing to do with you — no, he definitely didn’t want anything to do with you. He was just a nice gentleman who happened to not be married. Maybe he had a girlfriend that didn't live with him. Or maybe he worked so much he couldn't afford a relationship. 

Maybe he murdered people.

You laughed at that ridiculous idea — no one in their right mind would do that, especially not Mr. Hwang. He had a cat, for God's sake. Murderers usually killed animals, surely he was just a normal man with a lot on his mind, a workaholic, or a hermit.

Walking into your boss' office, you received your pay and counted the money — 662,326. You got more than you should've, completely forgetting about the pay rise. Your uncle didn't need to know about that, and you took the extra 2,326 and hid it in a small pocket inside your backpack, along with other money you saved. Unbeknownst to him, you secretly opened a savings account in the hopes that one day you would be able to leave and rent your own place, but you only had 1,094,463.60 won, which was barely enough to cover the deposit.

One day. One day you would leave all that abuse behind and have a fresh start. But today was not that day. 

Back in Gangnam-gu, you entered the penthouse earlier than normal and dropped your bag on the floor next to your worn and torn boots. You were hoping they would last through winter because you really couldn't afford a new pair. Eunjoo ran to greet you for the first time, and your heart was filled with joy at the sight of the cat rubbing against your leg. She was growing on you, and you soon realised how much you'd miss her when Mr. Hwang returned. Perhaps he'd let you visit her. 

You turned the TV on and played some songs by ABBA, the sadness of the morning gone, replaced only by joy and optimism. Things would turn out well, you just knew it. You grabbed In-ho's black clothes and placed them in the washing machine, all the while dancing to the beat of Money, Money, Money. It was a song you related to, but you didn't want to find a wealthy man. You just wanted to have enough money to survive without your uncle.

"It's a rich man's world." You sang to Eunjoo, who wiggled her butt, playfully attacking your feet. 

"All the things I could do if I had a little money, kitty. I would get my own apartment, I would donate to orphanages and charities. Oh, don't look at me like that." You frowned when Eunjoo stared at you judgmentally. "I would! There are people out there who need help. But you know what I would get for me? A hotteok! Ah, I would kill for that cinnamony goodness."

You placed the food on the floor and opened the pack of rice crackers. 

"My dad got me a hotteok on my seventh birthday. It was the best birthday ever and- oh my God, I'm talking to a cat." Laughing at the sudden realisation, you shook your head in disbelief. "Well, you're probably my only friend anyway. You don't judge me. You don't care if I'm rich or poor. You just listen and eat. Oh!"

Good evening, Mr. Hwang! Could I ask what your favourite dish is?

You decided that would be your gift. Cooking wasn't your strongest skill, but you were confident in yourself. And who didn't want to come back to a hot home-made meal? Maybe he liked jajangmyeon, or jjigae, or something sweet, like chapssaltteok. The possibilities were endless.

Beef Wellington. Why?

Your heart sunk to your stomach. Beef fucking Wellington? How on Earth could you even afford all the ingredients? The tenderloin itself was probably over 65,000 won. But you were going to do it for him, regardless of what it cost. You felt that Mr. Hwang deserved it. 

I was hoping to cook it for you when you returned. I'll admit, I didn't think it would be such a... fancy dish, but I'm sure I can manage. 

Have you tried it before?

I'm afraid not. Is it good?

Exquisite. You'll have to stay and try it when I return, yes?

Chewing on your bottom lip, your heart skipped a beat at his request. You knew he was just being nice, but you couldn't stop the sudden burning desire to just obey. 

Yeah, I'll stay. 

tagging: @ri1liane @anmert1 @syraxnyra @frshluvcats @lanyia @mettreads @nightdark-dreamdark @bridge-always @lovekm @audrey223 @ririgy @starkeyszn  @hobiesbrownsgf  @thoughtfulbelieverstrawberry @maria-trisha @akiqvq @10hrs26mn @tenzko @okaycharr @politicstanner @moonxknightx @googie-jeon @swthrtbyeol  @mariiestfu  @ratsnestinmyhair @missroro @talia-the-gemini @fortluocha @true-queen-of-mischief @ssa-callahan @bibliophile-yomna @wwastro @heartsforseo @marymun @glads-stuff @starryeddie @kisses2kanao @gagaga167 @l4venderia @scryi @lelisae @twicelover2 @ashtrosstuff @cruel-affair @cdej6 @veragrhm @nikos-a-clown @cchewhaz @pepsicolacoochie @lily-ann-b @red22wolf @nellabear @unabletonotlovesatoru @happiness2112 @waterjewelsspite @luna-looniesnlog @plan3t-plut0 @full-sunnies @houta-habtet-houta @alexisabirdie @riri53 @bluehourss

[supernova41st]

Baked with love 𖦹

Sonic/Shadow x Baker!Reader

(Separate)

A/n: Okay so y’all really like my Sonic stuff 😭?? I was a bit worried about it flopping but it did so well, tysm!! I’ll probably be doing a request fic after this and some random quote posts between then, hope you like this <33

Warnings: None

Divider creds: @thecutestgrotto

Sonic

𖦹 Sonic isn’t really a sweets guy (surprisingly) but nonetheless he does enjoy your stuff. He’d eat that shit in one bite, especially the expensive stuff!

“Wha—Sonic you gotta savor it! That was like 30$ worth of matcha that you just ate there”

“Whoops, sorry babe..it just looked so good!”

𖦹 If he gets a sugar rush then it’s over. He immediately goes running laps around your house to release all the energy—hope you don’t mind your place getting a little messy (and losing power for a few minutes)

𖦹 Sonic definitely woudnt be the first person you’d choose to bake with. He’ll try rushing through the recipe and end up with a dense cake, watery frosting, and inconsistent sprinkles all around the cake.

“Alright, so first we need t-“

“Done. Ta-da!!! Doesn’t it look great, (Y/N)?”

“..mhm 🙂”

𖦹 His favorite pastry of yours? Cake pops. Quick and easy to eat + it has just the right amount of sugar before he goes sprinting across the country

Shadow

𖦹 The emo guy? No, he didn’t really care for it at first.

𖦹 Every time you offered him one of your sweets he’d always refuse to eat it, he deemed it “unnecessary” since it mostly never provided healthy nutrients, and shadow never really needed to eat as a whole.

𖦹 Eh, why not. He’d be lying if he said that he wasn’t curious on the obsession that humans had with sweets, so he obliged.

“Really? You wanna try something??”

“Don’t overreact, I’m just curious as to why you’re so eager about me trying sweets.”

“Uhh—alright! I’ll have something going that you’ll like, trust!!”

𖦹 You practically went scavenger hunting, trying to find the espresso powder you had lying in your pantry for nearly a year. As soon as you presented the small espresso cake to him you were quite nervous..

‘Oh god, did I put too much frosting?? He’s always so blunt about not liking something so imagine how he’ll respond if he won’t like it! Then again, he is my boyfriend so it’s not like he’ll be too cold on m—‘

“more.”

“Wha?”

𖦹 As soon as you looked down the cake was now GONE. Oof, and here you thought he wouldn’t like it. Now he’s become obsessed with your work

𖦹 His favorite pastry of yours? Macaroons. He has an old man in him, and that old man just wants to sit on a rocking chair while having tea with macaroons

[oneforthemunny]

made with love, my valentine |janitor!eddie munson x teacher!reader|

prompt: you recruit eddie's help to make valentines for your class.

contains: fluff. just lovey dovey, lovesick fluff. early in their relationship, but super sweet <3

“There?” 

Eddie grunted as lightly as he could, one hand holding the bouts of frilly, lace paper hearts, the other balancing the loaded staple gun that he should definitely not be holding so carelessly on a ladder. 

“Yes, that looks perfect.” You gave a quick nod from below, holding his ladder steady. 

Eddie caught a glimpse of the tiny smile you gave when your eyes met, beaming from the inside out the way you always did. His knees felt weak, heart skipping with an adrenaline rush of adoration and heat that poured out of his chest, crept all the way up to his cheeks. He hoped you couldn’t see, that his hair hid his blushing grin. 

“Perfect.” You grinned, stepping back when Eddie stepped down, work boots wedged into the old, creaky ladder. “That looks amazing. So much better than I could’ve done.”  

“I don’t think that’s true,” Eddie shook his head, looking around the fully decorated classroom. You’d gone all out. You always did, trying to make the holidays the very best for your kids. Decorating to the nines, even with the little supplies and budget you had. You were crafty, that was for sure, a talent that always left Eddie in complete and utter awe. 

“You did a helluva job without me. This place looks sick.” Eddie’s finger jammed against a paper heart that was dangling from the ceiling. 

“Sick is good right? Sick in a good way?” You giggled, light and airy. Eddie knew his heart was stopping. 

“Yeah, o-oh yeah, sorry, no, I didn’t- I didn’t mean it like sick, bad. No, sick-sick means good. Sick in a good way, like a cool way, ya know? Or that’s what I meant. When I use it, it means good and cool, n-not ew sick as in ill-” Eddie’s cheeks flamed, stammering around fumbled words. The last thing he wanted was to insult you, he would never.

“I’m joking with you, Ed.” You grinned, bumping your hip playfully against his. “I’m glad you like it. It took me hours.” 

“Right, yeah,” Eddie swallowed the lump in his throat. “Hours?” 

“Yeah, I mean, I had some of it from the years before, but most of the glue started coming undone, or they got all crinkled, so I had to start over.” You shook your head lightly. “My hands are completely torn apart. I have so many paper cuts.” You giggled, holding up your hands for Eddie to see. He had to fight the urge to hold them, intertwine your fingers in his like you had the weekend before. 

“Looks pretty gnarly, sweetheart.” Eddie sucked in a breath, pointer finger tracing over the cut on your knuckle, leaving you shuddering. “Should’ve asked me to help. Could’ve at least brought you some gloves to wear.” 

“It was fine. I did it during my planning period mostly.” Not a total lie. You had done most of it on your planning, and the other at home, until nearly two in the morning, when you were slumped over piles of shredded construction paper and glue sticks. 

“But, if you’re offering,” The sing-song in your voice had Eddie’s heart lurching with hope, trying to still himself, remain cool at your soft smile. “I do need to finish up making Valentine’s for the class.” 

You paused, giving him a tiny grin, lip tucked between your teeth. “And by finish, I mean I haven’t actually started.” Your lashes batted at him so sweetly, like you needed to sway him. Like he was on the fence of saying no, rejecting spending time with you? As if.   

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Eddie tried to play it cool, shoving his hands in his utility pants pockets. “Whatever you need me for. I’ve finished for the night, so y’know… ‘M all yours.” 

“Well,” You hummed, neck craning to look at the clock. “If you’re done, I thought maybe we could go back to my place?” Eddie was sure he was going to pass out, head reeling at your words. 

“I just think that would be a little more comfy just to not… be here, ya know? I can order us a pizza and we can knock these out.” You paused for a moment, really scanning Eddie’s features. “Maybe you could stay the night if you want? If it gets too late.” 

“Yes,” Eddie blurted before his mind could rationalize him stopping, eyes wide and words dripping with eagerness. “I mean, yeah, that would be… great.”  

“Great,” You repeated, your own heart thumping with excitement that spilled all the way to your face, lips curling in a wide grin. “I just, um, let me grab a few things, and- You remember where it is, right?” 

How could he forget? Eddie had been beyond nervous, palms too sweaty every time he came to pick you up. The handful of dates you’d been on were slowly becoming more and more frequent. 

“Yeah, I do.” Eddie’s lips twitched, swallowing down his excitement, maybe his nerves. “I just gotta put this up and lock up, and I’ll meet you there?” 

“See you in a few.” The words squeezed out of your chest, clutching your planner close to your body, slinging your purse over your shoulder. 

“Oh, is pepperoni okay with you?” You stopped, turning the lock to your classroom, your voice echoing down the dim lit hallway towards Eddie. Damn, he had moved fast with that ladder, practically sprinted down the hall. 

“Perfect for me.” Eddie called back, curls bobbing when he nodded. He’d nearly flung the ladder into the small hole of a janitor’s closet, snatching his lunch pail and keys before sprinting to the front, locking up and sailing down the cement stairs at the front of the school. 

Every second that went by was a second too long, tires flying over the snow dusted roads that led to your small home. The porch light was on when he arrived, bright and warm and welcoming. 

Eddie hesitated for a moment, whether he should ring the bell or just walk in. You knew he was coming, what would be the harm in going in? Still, it felt rude just to barge right in. Just to walk in felt arrogant, and what if you were naked? What if you were naked? Eddie’s cheeks began to heat, squirming at the thought. 

“Hey,” The door opened before Eddie could decide, leaving him standing there, wide eyed and blinking in your presence. “Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you.” You giggled, leaning against the doorframe lightly. 

“I couldn’t remember if I left it unlocked or not, and then I saw you standing here, so…” You trailed off, a little unsure of what to say, what not to say. It was all still so new. 

“Yeah, s-sorry, I, uh, I was just trying to see if I-I left my wallet in the van.” Eddie stuttered out a lie, patting his pocket for emphasis, heart slightly dropping when he didn’t feel it there. Shit, did he leave it in the van? 

“No worries, um, come on in.” You stepped back, opening the door for him. 

Eddie immediately was wrapped in a warmth, a soft, sweet aroma that smelt entirely yours. He loved it, the few times he’d come over, every time it left him just as light and airy. 

“Thanks so much for coming to help me.” You hummed, watching Eddie carefully from your place in the door frame as he shed his winter jacket, hanging it on the hook. “I thought I was going to be up all night again trying to make these.” 

“Again?” Eddie lifted a brow, his tone teasing. “Sweetheart, you just call me whenever, alright? I’ll come over any time and help you out. Even if it’s the middle of the night.” 

Your giggle was music to his ears, heart bursting at your smile. “That’s sweet, thank you.” Your smile warmed over him, left him spinning with desire. “I just need to finish these. I have six done, I think?” 

Eddie followed you into your kitchen, stacks of construction paper laid out with scissors and hot glue guns, a list of names propped on the middle. “It was easier last year. I only had twenty-two kids, but with the zoning and all these new kids coming in…” You shook your head lightly, thirty-three kids listed on the attendance sheet. Eddie remembered Steve bitching about it at the beginning of the school year. He still wasn’t sure how either one of you handled it, but you both made it work, despite the district uncaring. 

“Yeah, I bet it’s… rough.” Eddie nodded, pulling out a seat. “You just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. I’m yours for the night.” 

Your smile spread, sitting next to Eddie. You showed him how to cut the hearts out, hot glue the paper lace on the edges, then press the other heart on the back to hide it. Eddie made them, setting them to the side so you could address them. 

The better part of two hours was spent in your kitchen, giggling and chatting over pizza and beer, wiping your greasy fingers off on napkins so it didn’t stain the cards. You both wanted them to be pristine, perfect. 

“So, uh, what-” Eddie cleared his throat gently, trying to shake the rattle in his voice from his nerves. “What are you doin’ on Valentine’s Day?” 

He felt your eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet your gaze. “A-Any big plans?” Eddie cringed at the tweaking crack in his voice. He felt like he was in junior high again, asking Lisa Caltrelli out to the Sweethearts Dance. He hoped you wouldn’t reject him like she did. 

“No,” Your voice squeaked in response, creasing the paper between your fingers from your tight grip. You don’t know why you were so nervous, I mean, Eddie and you had been out before. It shouldn’t have shocked you so much when he asked you, but still, you were filled with an excited thrill. 

“No, I-I didn’t really plan to do anything. I mean, I would like to, but I just… I haven’t made plans.” You winced at your babbled answer, anything but cool. 

There was a pause, one that left your heart dropping with fear, your hands shook when you cut out the heart on red construction paper. “Um, well, I-I was just wondering if, if you’re not busy- shit, well, I know you just said you’re not busy. I just- I was wondering if you’d want to maybe go and get dinner?” Eddie’s wide eyes met yours, rounded with complete and utter fear and hope, like a deer in headlights. 

“With me?” His mouth was dry, heart beating so fast he could feel it in his eyeballs, sweat starting to bead at his hairline.

You tried to swallow down your own excitement, heart soaring with adrenaline, biting back a wide grin and a squeal. “Yeah,” You nodded, lips curling and eyes shining. “Yeah, I would. I would love to go out with you again.” 

“Really?” Eddie blinked, the words falling from his mouth before he could stop them. “I mean, really? Uh, great, that sounds… great.” Eddie ducked his own head down, gluing the paper lace to the heart, hoping his curls hid his pink cheeks and dimpled grin. 

“I was thinking we could go to Dino’s- Do you like Italian food?” 

“Yeah, I do. Love Dino’s.” You nodded. 

“Great. Um, my buddy, Jeff is the manager there now, and they do this Valentine’s Day special. It’s- It’s not anything crazy, they just put like candles and rose petals and shit on the tables, but he said he could get us in.” Eddie’s knee bounced, buzzing with excitement. 

“That sounds amazing,” You tapped the pen against the table, lips twitching with a smile you tried to hide. “It’s a date.” 

Eddie laughed, grinning so wide you thought your heart might burst. “I’ll pick you up at seven? Is that enough time?” 

“That’s perfect. I’ll have to clean up after the Valentine’s Day party, but-” 

“-I’ll help you.” Eddie nodded eagerly. “I’ll swing by after I get done in the cafeteria. I’ll help you clean up.” 

“Thank you.” You smiled sheepishly, ducking back to your craft. 

Eddie’s hands were clammy when he leaned in to kiss you later that night, at your doorway, under the glow of the street lamp outside. He was even more surprised when you wrapped your arms around him, pulled him closer and deeper into the kiss, one that left you both swooning and heads swirling with adoration. 

The next morning, Eddie was beyond pumped, eager for the day, knowing he had a date tonight. He nearly missed the small red heart that was waiting on his desk- a Valentine, from you. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Eddie. I can’t wait to see you tonight.” 

[raayllum]

Right in front of our faces

So I've been thinking about self-eating a lot. Not only because it's weirdly on brand with everything in Claudia's arc (drinking her own blood, treating her own body basically as dark magic parts just for other people's metaphorical consumption, at least in her head, rather than for her own desires) but also because... Why, y'know? Why have this be a thing, why reserve it for the third arc, an arc wherein with the Archdragons gone Aaravos' main goal will be to dismantle the Cosmic Council?

In some ways, I think I was so focused on Aaravos' side of things—the easiest way to get revenge on the Stars (since they don't care about the destruction of their creation, not really, according to him) would be to kill them but he, for whatever reason, cannot do that—that I was missing the obvious other side of things.

Aaravos asks in 7x08, "Are you watching?" but wouldn't it be really bad for him if they were? What is stopping the Cosmic Council from transporting Aaravos to the same place they took Leola and permanently killing him, since permanently killing a Startouch elf is something we know the Cosmic Council, uniquely, can do? He couldn't stop them before when he was more powerful than he is now as a 'Fallen' Star.

Aaravos' plan hinges on eventually getting the Stars' attention, and they are presumably still at their full power, just no longer involved with Xadia. He is seemingly never concerned, even when making the choice to live and plot against them, that the Stars would just kill him the way they did with Leola.

Or maybe, perhaps, he already has a reason that they can't.

As he collapses in tears at Leola's trial, Aaravos' chest star is complete and right side up. After, presumably, 100 years of weeping, his star is inverted and the centre piece is missing when the Merciful One comes to see him.

The reason I brought up self-eating is because we see it's used as a form of chasing immortality, even beyond what Kim'Dael does. I've long speculated that Aaravos purposefully carved out his chest piece, whether to place it in something or to help create dark magic. He may not have done anything with it, even if it was on purpose, but I wonder... if he ate it, in order to ensure that the Cosmic Council couldn't kill him.

This is especially noteworthy since from what we see of Leola's trial, her destructive glow begins in her chest star and then spreads to her fingers, and the destruction of Aaravos' mortal form is radically different.

This doesn't really make sense. Leola was destroyed while in her mortal form, given that moments before she'd been living and interacting with things on earth, just like her father. Aaravos' destruction stems from the bite mark at first, but then begins elsewhere that's entirely separate (the foot) and never broaches the hands. Leola becomes entirely light, while Aaravos' body seems to be shattered, and does bear a striking resemblance to how dark!Callum crumbles in the 2x08 dark magic nightmares.

Furthermore, when Leola is killed and her star energy is sent down (for lack of a better description), we do see a symbol of a star being inverted, despite that not being a part of her character design.

We also know that Aaravos' body being destroyed differently in 7x09 isn't due to dark magic use, at least not in terms of his body. As of season seven, he hadn't done any dark magic in his new body, which is a soft reset. However, we also know that dark magic affects your soul/spirit (6x06) which would, presumably, be the same no matter the body in this case. Therefore, the reason Aaravos' body might've crumbled (beyond differences in execution style) might be because of the dark magic he's used that created a permanent hole in his spirit/self, and one that Leola, of course did not have.

I also think some of this in my head is connecting to the ideas of sacrifice. Other characters, especially parents, can sacrifice themselves in TDP canon in hopes of a better future for their children / the next generation (the three queens, the archdragons, Harrow, etc). Aaravos divorcing himself from the ability to sacrifice himself, especially after thousands of years with no daughter to speak of (until Claudia, but on her in a second), purposefully robs himself from the ability to make a meaningful contribution to the cycle. Death, permanent death, provides meaning and consequence, both things he's seemingly devoid of.

Sacrificing his ability to die (his heart) and at least, in theory, reunite with his daughter / no longer exist without her to ensure he can 'avenge' her is a hell of a thing, after all. And on a certain level, that seems like his endgame goal regardless. Even if all the above speculation is untrue and wily, unless he can execute himself, in destroying/killing (?) all the other Startouch elves, he will be alone and eternal... forever, with no way out, carrying only the pain of his child's death and withering satisfaction at punishing her murderers, unless he decided to eventually change.

Like I said: a hell of a thing.

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

BUZZED!

formula one x male!reader

request: Okay okay, here me out, Male!reader gets a buzzcut and the drivers find out via like instagram or something and they get really whiny abt it.

summary: you get a buzz cut without telling your boyfriend

warnings: initial instagram post is just for reference + reader only posts whichever one applies to you most!, swearing, playful arguing

contains: alex albon, lance stroll, + lewis hamilton

youruser has added to their story!

written: time for a change ✂️

alex albon:

"WHAT DID YOU DOOOOOOOO?" alex yelped as soon as he walked through the door of your shared apartment.

you had just been lounging on the sofa, scrolling through social media to pass the time. you jumped slightly at your boyfriend's shouting. "what? what did i do?"

alex rounded the corner into the living room and pointed at your hair with a pout.

"that! what did you?!"

"alex, i just cut my hair." you chuckled, staying slumped on the sofa.

alex whined. "how could you do this to me???"

"you're so dramatic, oh my fucking god." you rolled your eyes lightheartedly. as much as you loved your boyfriend, he sure knew how to be dramatic. "it's not that bad?"

"yes it is!" alex insisted. "what am i supposed to do now when i want your attention?!"

"ask for it like a normal person?"

"it's like you don't even know me." alex huffed, flopping down on the sofa beside you.

you laughed quietly and put your phone away. "it will grow back, y'know?"

your boyfriend tilted his head to look at you with a a pout. "and what am i supposed to do until then?"

"cope?"

he whined again and poked you in the ribs, making you squirm slightly. "you're so mean."

"yeah, well, it's not getting reattached," you argued. alex ran his hand over the shaved hair with a sigh. "better get used to it, baby."

"fine ... but never again, okay?"

"no promises."

lance stroll:

the second you walked into your boyfriend's hotel room, he was right in front of you. lance crossed his arms and pouted at you.

"uh-oh," you murmured.

a sheepish smile crossed your lips. you tentatively stepped forward until you were close enough to pull lance into a hug, which you were very pleased to say he didn't reject. hopefully that meant he wasn't too upset.

"why did you have to get a buzz cut?" lance whined, pushing your shoulder.

you hummed. the truth of it was that the haircut had been an impulsive action rather than a conscious decision, but ... well, it was done now. "it's just hair, baby."

"no, it's not," lance argued with a pout. "it's your hair. which you let me play with and wash and put bows in and stuff."

"yeah, i hope you understand i would literally never let anybody else touch my hair as much as you do," you pointed out. was a part of you hoping to distract lance with a sweet statement? perhaps. but he didn't need to know that.

lance paused for a moment. he seemed torn between being sad and whiny about your hair, and being happy about what you said. sue him. he liked to feel special. "... then why did you cut it?"

"because i wanted to?" you shrugged. your hands dropped to lance's waist and tugged him closer, making him squeak quietly. "it's summer and it's hot and i don't need a fur coat on my head?"

"but what about the bows?" lance pouted at you.

a little grin tugged at your lips. "well, i can put them in your hair?"

your boyfriend seemed to short circuit at the idea of you putting bows in his hair. his lips parted in surprise, before his expression morphed into a goofy grin. "okay."

lewis hamilton:

the first reaction you got from lewis about your haircut was a text. he must've already been close to home, but apparently he felt the need to freak out about you getting a buzz cut as early as possible.

you cut your hair?

... yes?

it hadn't taken you long to reply. a minute at most. evidently, that was long enough for your boyfriend to get to your door. he flung it open, a dramatic frown on his face. "why?"

"hello to you too," you muttered, standing up to greet your boyfriend with a kiss. "because it was getting in my eyes, lew."

"so?" lewis raised an eyebrow at you.

you scoffed playfully, thinking he was just having a joke and not being serious. "so i couldn't see."

"so?" lewis repeated.

not joking, apparently.

"i can see?" he poked at the now-short strands with a wary expression. "i'd lead you places??"

"lewis."

your boyfriend pouted. he let out a dramatic sigh and turned away from you. "fine, i guess you like your vision more than you love me, then."

knowing he was just milking it, you wrapped your arms around lewis from behind and kissed his temple cheekily. "yes! glad you understand."

"... brat."

"love you too, lew."

©thekoalapastriesbakery :: please do not copy or rewrite my work on any platform !!

author's note: anon i am SO hearing you out (can you guys tell i love whiny boys yet)

comments + reblogs appreciated!

taglist: @raizelchrysanderoctavius @crispysoup318 @op-81-lvr-reblogs @ncrsbrg @spoonfulofmilo @justaf1girl @widow-cevans

[thewertsearch]

Ask Comp 9/1

Anonymous asked: has sally been introduced to cursed tavros yet?

[ cursed tavros jumpscare :D ]

Cursed indeed - but mind you, I don't think I could do much better. My handcraft skills are nonexistent!

Anonymous asked: ol tavvy is down with the clown ;o) Anonymous asked: Please, if you will, imagine if when Vriska kissed Tavros, he told her that he was already dating Gamzee.

Heh. I really do think Gamzee x Tavros could have worked out, at least until Gamzee lost his shit. Hell, even if Gamzee did lose his shit, he'd probably still be less of a threat to Tavros than Vriska was.

Anonymous asked: Did you notice Gamzee referenced Earth in his rap? ("6 trillion hemos all up on one rock bleeding as equals") How do you think he learned about it? Some weird pre-game precognition or just his stoned mind being accidentally right?

This isn't necessarily a reference to Earth - but it wouldn't surprise me if it was, because Gamzee's cult seems fully aware of the existence of Earth.

The 'paradise planet' referenced in Gamzee's intro is stated to not exist yet, which is exactly how the narration refereed to Earth in Hivebent's intro. I believe that the 'rowdy minstrels' he's talking about are literally ICP, although he clearly isn't aware of that fact.

@wizardlyghost asked:

A sentiment shared by Eggman, every Space Player, and the villain of Muppets Most Wanted.

Anonymous asked: Now that you've passed where fedorafreak's gray, serviceable hand-held computing device's battery has died, you might appreciate the following short piece of fan art: www tumblr com/vastderp-placeholder/7741061457/savior-of-the-texting-world-rise-up

The fucking implication that the phone is the Player in this scenario is obliterating me.

Also, its God Tier form has wings. Was it a troll all along, or are wings a symbol of divine apotheosis in phone culture, too?

@clueless-rarito asked: Heeey paranatural reference! Hell yeah!

Is anyone else totally stoked to see Eightfold again? I know I am!

Anonymous asked: bilious sick 😭

English's trick made our Bilious sick. :(

Anonymous asked: One of, if not my absolute favorite, quotes/moments in Homestuck is Karkat’s speech to Jade about his failed frog breeding here. Just such a wonderfully tragic moment that stuck with me since the first time I read it.

In a comic chock-full of great lines, that last one might just be the best so far. This was one of the last scenes before Act 5's true finale, and it was an excellent pick.

@drakethedeep asked: One theory I've heard about the Denizen's Choice that tend to headcanon, Is that the choice is to be happy/free or to matter. That much as how God-tiers only grants survival by never having an impact, the denizens have thier playes coose between seeking their happiness and survival, or to struggle to achieve things that while objevtivly monumental, might not be worth the sacrifices needed to achieve it. I like this theory because of how it themes to fit the themes of Sburb.

I really like the space you're playing in, but I'm not so sure if all the Choices we've seen would necessarily fit this interpretation. After all, Davesprite implicitly chose the 'survival' option when he first met Hephaestus, and he's not exactly a happy camper. He didn't end up particularly free, either, since he was almost immediately bound to a Sprite, and later to the Battlefield.

I guess you could say he 'mattered', because he is he reason the Alpha Timeline exists the way it does - but, technically, everyone's actions contribute to the Alpha Timeline being the way it is. I definitely think there's something to this theory.

Anonymous asked: Without the Door to actually enter the universe, all you've done is make a really big frog.

I guess, when you think about it, there's not really anything they can do with their universe without that door. I suppose they could just fly towards their frog and hope for the best, but somehow, I don't think that'll achieve much.

@morganwick asked: Of course, even though he wasn't fooled by Gamzee using Terezi's "voice", Karkat still showed up on the roof anyway. Perhaps he decided he couldn't take the risk that Terezi was actually there and Gamzee might catch her unawares.

Gamzee's been having a lot of fun 'impersonating' Terezi lately. Just like before, I don't think he ever intended to fool Karkat with his transparent ruse - he just wanted to unsettle the guy. It worked.

@morganwick asked: If Typheus is the mailman, does that make him PM's favorite Denizen?

Maybe it makes him the head of her mail service!

We never saw any other mail Carapacians, and I kind of love the idea that they were operating out of a Denizen's Palace the whole time.

@bladekindeyewear asked: You said: "Mind you, I don’t know if it’s necessarily always a good or heroic thing to allow a Sburb Player full agency over their actions, nor is it necessarily a bad thing to restrict them, in certain cases." Oh I'm completely with you there. In fact, you might DEFINE Heroism as denying agency to those who would do ill, in part. This would make both "Heroic" and "Just" deaths result from trying to stamp your own intentions upon reality, halted by others. Neutrality would be ineffectual.

That's certainly part of heroism - but to me, it's not even close to all of it. A firefighter, for example, is heroic in ways which don't involve another person, as their only real 'opponent' is nature itself.

I personally define heroism as the will to do good, in situations where doing good requires bravery. 'Good', of course, is a fairly slippery concept, though, so that definition is just as ambiguous as any other.

Anonymous asked: Doctor Who anon here. Doctor Who has no canon for purely practical reasons. It's so massive - there's the show, but there's also the Big Finish audio dramas, the DW magazine comics, the Radio Times comics, the IDW comics, the Titan comics, the Virgin novels and short stories, the BBC novels and short stories. And no one owns all of it. The BBC don't even own the daleks or K9. And each piece of media will freely contradict others. No one has the right to decide what's canon, so they just don't. It's also because the people running Doctor Who the show have a deep respect for the extended media. In the 90s, it was the non-BBC licensed, fan-led projects which kept DW alive. Russell T. Davies, first showrunner of the modern era, wrote Virgin novels, so did Mark Gatiss. Nick Briggs, modern voice of the daleks, is the head of Big Finish. So they didn't want to decanonise that stuff, but they also don't want to be beholden to it when writing their own stories. So the fanbase tends to operate on tiers of canon. Basically something can be assumed to still be part of the show's continiuity until the show contradicts it. Big Finish would generally be considered the next highest "tier" of canon. The Doctor Who magazine comics probably wouldn't contradict the show, but the show could contradict them any time. The old books and comics are dubious. But that's all just fan categorisation. Officially, nothing has been deemed canon or not. In fact, rather amusingly, the only thing that has been explicitly deemed "canon" by the BBC is the Doctor Who: Battles in Time card game. That's officially canon. Nothing else. Not even the show.

I think I've heard of 'canon tiers' before, in the context of the Star Wars fandom. I think it's a good way to delineate how 'true' a given event is considered to be, especially in a large, complex shared universe - but at the same time, being consciously aware of these tiers might hurt your investment a little.

You'll never be able to escape the fact that your favourite stories or characters are effectively fanfiction, at least from the perspective of higher tiers. They have no influence whatsoever over the more ''real'' part of the story, unless they're promoted its tier some day.

I do like the idea that all the other Doctor Who stories are fanfiction of the card game, though. That's definitely going to be my canon, from now on.

@morganwick asked: Well, back in Act 4 you said that John and Dave would make S-Tier if and when "John [threw] aside his passivity to do something heroic, and…Dave [would] finally drop that poker face and do something sincere", which is why I pegged the suicide mission conversation as when Dave might make the jump.

I think, on reflection, it's almost always a heartwarming event that catapults a character into S-Tier.

In my opinion, that's one of the most impressive feelings that a work of fiction can inspire in you, mostly because it's really hard to get you invested enough for it to hit properly. Homestuck's pulled it off an extremely impressive number of times already, and we're only halfway finished!

Anonymous asked: It is so fucking awesome to see a new reader in the year of our lord 2024 2025 who's actually like. Engaging with the themes of the story. Lotta people just see it for the memes or the "totally random" plot but some of the shit you're reading into what's happening is like. Eerily similar to actual Hussie commentary. Gold star for reading comprehension, you do not piss on the poor Anonymous asked: Your homestuck liveblogs are lovely and insightful and make me remember a lot of details of the comic that have been lost to time. You will comment on something and I'll go "oh huh homestuck was better than I remember it being." Thank you <3 @honestlyvan asked: Truly your liveblog is the best kind of re-experiencing the experience. I'm surprised at how much your thoughts and reads parallel mine, it's kind of fun to see someone else's deductions go along the same routes. I can't wait for you to get to the Truly Horseshit portions of the plot (and I say this lovingly, I think you're in a great position to give us a real raw read on them without having to deal with the various Mega and Gigapauses) Also -- you keep pointing out a shitton of foreshadowing I didn't catch until my second readthrough. I can't wait for you to get to the bits where it applies and be like "son of a bitch", I think where I'm in the reading of your backlog and where you're in the reading of the comic you've passed at least one of those bits already :D @worldweary-walker asked: The liveblog is so cool. It's a lot of fun seeing you put things together, and the posts where you come up with three completely right conclusions and two wrong ones always amaze me. Impressive work!

Thank you so much! I know I say this a lot, but a lot of these sentiments are exactly why I like reading liveblogs myself. I'm just really glad I can do that for others.

I can totally understand why someone would just read Homestuck for the memes. I wouldn't have been nearly as analytical if I'd read it as a schoolgirl, and a lot of the 2010s fandom were even younger than that!

@divineerdrick asked: Now we have multiple explanations for what is wrong with the kid's session. Vriska has made herself responsible for Jack's rise to power, Karkat believes he gave Bilious Slick cancer, and Gamzee created the harlequin doll that would torment John and prompt Jack's rage-fueled act of rebellion. You've already suspected that Doc Scratch probably has multiple plans in play at once, and we can see that here. It seems he insured, through multiple causes, the kid's universe has always been doomed. Gamzee, as usual, seems to be the wild card. But he's acting out during a crisis of faith, a faith tied to Alternia's twisted social structure, which Scratch seems to have had a hand in. So despite how random Gamzee's actions appear to be, it's possible Scratch managed to seed even this seemingly unpredictable action.

I think Scratch probably did 90% of the work in making Gamzee go ballistic, from multiple directions at once. Looking back, it's shocking just how much of the comic was Scratch's doing.

'Caused' is a loaded phrase in Paradox Space, but what's happening is definitely what he planned.

Anonymous asked: It kind of seems like Rage as an aspect is evil, no? Do you think an aspect can carry an inherent moral weight? If not, what are the neutral meanings of aspects that seem to, and if so, how do you feel about it?

Personally, I doubt that any of the Aspects have a moral alignment - not even the scary-sounding ones. After all, you can Rage against tyranny, or bring Doom to a corrupt institution. Yeah, Gamzee is using Rage for evil, but his perception-shielding could just as easily be used to hide an innocent bystander from an aggressive Underling.

I think that more or less any ability can be used for both good or evil. The only real exception would be a power that's deliberately designed to be irreparably, comically evil. 'The ability to torture everyone for all eternity' would be one of those powers, but Homestuck's Aspect abilities would not.

@worldweary-walker asked: have you read Kill Six Billion Demons?

I have not! It's on my long and constantly growing list, which means I'll get to it between now and, uh, 2096.

Anonymous asked: re: the ancestors' story. WHAT IF WE ALL JUST CRIED like. the sheer transition from inane antics to the. that @corporalotherbear asked: There's a very popular fanmade version of the sufferer's final sermon and following vast expletive, voiced by a man that would go on to be the english voice actor of Izuku Midoriya. I can't add links to asks but if it's spoiler-friendly then your vetter can probably send you "The sufferer's last sermon"

Oh, I kind of love this interpretation. It really sells just how unwinnable the Sufferer's rebellion truly was.

@wolygan asked: I forgot how she is so happy when she is running away. This Girl is still able to believe that good is coming. Except Lord English won't let that happen, no matter what. @wickedsick asked:

That was possibly the fastest you have ever been proven wrong about something

That poor girl. She suffered just as much as the Signless did, but she'll only be known to Alternia as a monster - and unlike Troll Jesus, no one will ever mourn the Handmaid.

Anonymous asked: the sufferer cult is definitely independent of the juggalos! the use of the word sectarian to describe the war waged against the signless's beliefs is not a coincidence, imo. (we also see that highblood is most often used to specifically describe purplebloods). they're just two different religious organizations. given that the grand highblood was a juggalo man/subjuggulator and occupied significant power it seems to suggest that clown religion was a Big Thing among the purplebloods, which would not truck with the signless' cult being so small and secretive. there's one theory that part of the reason the neophyte was sent on mindfang's case was bc the GHB (given that mindfang mentions the neophyte was sent by subjuggulators specifically) knew she was a secret sufferite and wanted to get rid of her. mindfang does talk about how it seemed like they were giving up on her case entirely by sending just one neophyte (granted this is partially bc she underestimated her). it would track that while they definitely wanted to get rid of mindfang, they also were fine with the neophyte dying. this also follows with the fact that after mindfang gets out of that trial, she manages to persist without being caught right up until her death at the hands of the summoner. were they happy that the neophyte got killed, enough to stop putting much effort into mindfang's capture?

I think the Highbloods probably did set Redglare up. I speculated that it was possible when we first heard about her death, and that was before we knew she was a Signless cultist.

Also: lmao, do you remember when Hussie told us that the Juggalo Cult was 'obscure'? That's starting to feel like something that was quietly retconned offscreen.

@clueless-rarito asked: In case you like to know, "Dolorosa" is meant to evoke the spanish word "Doloroso" meaning painful but changing the O for an A turn it feminine.

Dolorosa; in other words, the woman in pain.

Fucking hell, she deserved so much better. It's amazing how much bleaker the Ancestors' lives were, compared to their descendants. Modern Alternia is bad enough as it is!

@lon-kasi asked: Fanwork recommendation: The same guy who did the EoA5 reanimation just did Intermission 2 as well. Like, less than six hours before I sent this ask. It's incredible.

Yessss! These are amazing.

My favorite parts are all the extra touches that weren't in the original animation, such as Rose beginning to realizing how badly she was tricked - or Jade, unused to her own powers, almost knocking John on his ass while she teleports him.

Anonymous asked: Now that you've seen what a Reckoning on Skaia looks like, you can see why Karkat was rushing Kanaya to get their frog done. Despite jumping the gun, skipping the lore elements and just killing their way to the end, the troll kids never had enough time. Especially since, now that I'm thinking about it, if it wasn't the Reckoning then it probably would have been Jack as the "time's up, now turn in your work" event. @marinerofthestars asked: With the revelation that Alternia was built to and ended up speedrunning an Sgrub/Sburb session to catastrophic effect (great job reading this far, btw), how long would you expect a “standard” session to take?

We've got two different asks here - one saying that normal sessions are meant to be shorter than Hivebent's, and the other saying they're meant to be longer.

I honestly don't know which I believe. It feels unrealistic for a Sburb session to take months, but Scratch really did seem to be saying that the trolls were extremely effective Players, implying most sessions take longer to beat. Maybe the reboot session will clue us in a little?

Anonymous asked: “How do you expect to out run me, When I Am Already Here.” Is such a hard line, and it’s completely missable in the alt text for the site banner. I know a lot of people missed it when these panels dropped. I remember HS being considered super unique because of how much the comic messes with formatting things like that.

I was super close to missing some of that scene, even though I'd already been warned about the alt text. There was just so much going on at the time, I almost didn't think to look at the banners.

@royalvorpal asked: "I thought words would be exchanged" How do you expect them to talk when they are in person?

pffffffffffffffffffft

Alright, that one fucking got me.

@bladekindeyewear asked: "But no, apparently not, because it took Karkat zero words and sixty seconds to completely shut Gamzee down. Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s incredibly impressive - but what did he actually do?" If you look back IN RETROSPECT at some of what Gamzee has been telling Karkat, it almost looks like pale flirting, like he was actually WANTING him to do this behind his threats. p3361: "FTC: i wonder if you can all be at with me in time and make me get my reconsider on?" Anonymous asked: You may not like it, but this is what peak moirallegience looks like.

Yeah, this really does make that exchange read as a little flirtatious.

Still, is this really how a moirallegiance is meant to work? Are moirails really expected to risk their lives to halt their prospective partner's rampage? This is starting to sound more dangerous than a kismesissitude!

@bladekindeyewear asked: I'm not sure how well it applies to the revised Homestuck website and it's probably impossible in the collection, but you could view any past/future page in any CSS format the site gave you with a keyword, like the black-on-green Doc Scratch format. So when Andrew did the "SNOP" to SBAHJ-mode, he was intentionally giving us a tool to view the ENTIRE SITE in SBAHJ mode.

There's a 'theme override' button, but I need to finish Homestuck to unlock it. I guess the comic's theme will change in more spoilery ways, later on.

Anonymous asked: Dolorosa/Mindfang is the true kicker of the “vriska keeps ending up in mirror relationships to her ancestor” belief, bc its the one where there is NO way vriska could know that shes in a mirror relationship. Eridan- orphaner dualscar and mindfangs romance was in the journal. Tavros- she knew about the summoner. But while there are hints to the dolorosas identity- sharp teeth, lower blood color, and a very vague if you stretch it hint about horn shape- no way vriska could have put those pieces together!!!

Man, it's still so fucked up that the Dolorosa went out like that. I still think it's at least remotely possible that she revived as a vampire, but I'm not gonna kid myself - her story is over. We're not gonna see her.

Anonymous asked: You've mentioned "ratfic" and something called "the Methods" before, is that something you've read?

If I could write an essay about Steven Moffat, I could write an entire thesis about Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality - but it'd be radioactively critical, and it feels mean-spirited to just post a rant about something unprompted.

If people want my thoughts in detail, I might stick them on the sideblog later - but for now, I'll just tell you that if it wasn't for that fic, XAE A-12 Musk would never have been born. Not a joke.

Anonymous asked: i love the complete about face on gamzee lol. "clearly the fact that he's gone nuts is something wrong with the timeline" gamzee is revealed to be responsible for lil cal "actually fuck this guy"

If we do ever recover the original Gamzee, it's going to really suck for him to face his friends. After everything he's done, will anyone ever really trust him again?

@elkian asked: Love the Exiles. So glad nothing bad happens to them, ever, (I assume the pause before the third s175 post is bc you, like me, took a break to cry over AR hesitating to kill his friend :,(

I was so bummed, guys. Carapacians don't have ghosts, I assume - so the Exiles, sans PM and maybe WV, are gone forever.

The Red Miles will probably have obliterated their corpses, so we can't even prototype most of them - but I'm holding out hope for Waywardsprite.

Anonymous asked: heh, you aren't alone in preferring god tier dave without his hood. i was around for when cascade dropped and wasnt able to watch it straight away due to the various troubles, but one of the first things i heard about it was people talking about how stupid they thought dave's hood looked.

I know, right? Like, yeah, it definitely says 'knight', but Dave's got great hair, and it feels like a shame to cover it.

@bladekindeyewear asked: "PCG: SHE WAS CONSTANTLY FIXING MY FUCKUPS. PCG: ROBOTS FROM THE FUTURE ALWAYS COMING BACK TO TELL ME HOW SOME HASTY SHIT I DID WITH FROG BREEDING OR WHATEVER WOULD MAKE IT BE IMPOSSIBLE TO WIN. PCG: MY OWN PERSONAL MISTAKES PROBABLY ACCOUNTED FOR MORE DOOMED ARADIABOTS THAN ANYTHING ELSE." Now that the Tumor's revealed for the precision device it was, it's also clear that Aradia, likely following the Horrorterrors' instructions, FORCED them to breed the frog JUST RIGHT to create the Sun.

Yeah, the existence of that precision device really fucking threw me. Whatever it did, the frog cancer probably was deliberately engineered to cause it - and I think it was engineered by Scratch, rather than the Horrorterrors. He was also talking to Aradia during the session, and this event was key to his plan.

Anonymous asked: (And one more ask from the person without a tumblr. -DJ) The thing is, Scratch could have just said "you must create the Green Sun, it is essential for the existence of the multiverse, not doing so will create a paradox". But either he chose to trick them, by only but saying "true words", just for fun…or there is some reason telling them about their true mission wouldn't work - RM

Either is possible, and it's pretty much impossible to say. That said, the Vast Glub is proof that he does just like messing with people, so I'm going with the former answer.

Anonymous asked: (forwarding another ask from the person without a Tumblr account -DJ) Do you think there are interesting parallels between Scratch and Tarquin from OOTS? - RM

Well, they are both meta-aware villains with extremely wide-reaching plans, and they're both pretty weird about women. Hopefully this means that Scratch's much cooler son will kick his ass in a later Act.

@bladekindeyewear asked: One tiny cute detail in Cascade I love is how when the Green Sun lights up in the distance for the trolls, Terezi tries to point at it, and Karkat gently takes her arm and re-points it in the right direction. XD

Shoulda brought the Smelloscope, Terezi!

Anonymous asked: The first time i read homestuck my shit bugged out and I literally just missed the entire scrapbook section and cascade. The SECOND time I read homestuck cascade gave me such a neuron firing high that only harrow the ninth has ever gotten close to

That's exactly how to describe it. Cascade blasted my neurons, in exactly the same way that part of Harrow the Ninth did.

@rwbypro asked: Ngl one of my favorite parts about homestuck is the fact that Doc Scratch Won, like he got Exactly what he wanted, and he played everyone like fiddles, one of my all time favorite villains in anything!

He did, the bastard! Scratch managed to pull it off without a hitch.

These are the exact kind of convoluted masterstrokes you want to see in a time-travel story, and I think English's machinations will only grow more intricate, going forward.

@sanctferum asked: The juggalo cult believes in a pair of mirthful messiahs rather than just the one, so if English is one of the messiahs, that's only half the equation. Presumably, the other messiah would be Scratch.

That works! I originally thought that the Messiahs were the two members of ICP, but let's be honest, they still could be. I absolutely would not put it past this comic to reveal that Lord English was Shaggy 2 Dope the whole time.

@sanctferum asked: So now that you've seen Lord English's true appearance: he's got a peg leg, and that peg leg is a golden cuestick, filling in the last missing piece of the Felt analogy - the one that moves the billiards around in the first place. For good measure, English's peg leg, single golden tooth and his garish coat give him a stereotypical pimp appearance, which is fitting given his treatment of his female servants so far (not to mention Scratch's own treatment of both the Handmaid and whichever female player he is manipulating at any given moment. He even explicitly uses the word grooming to describe raising Handmaid!). If there was ever a pimp for Dave to lock in his own crib while dropping it like it was hot, this would be him.

Ayy, you're right! I've been waiting for the Felt's cuestick since the Intermission days!

You're also right about the comic's villains. Scratch and English aren't just screwing over female Players - they've also been fucking with Mindfang, the Handmaid, the Condesce, and even Snowman. It's absolutely a pattern.

These guys aren't just cosmic villains, they're misogynist cosmic villains. Mundane evil and supernatural evil, all together in one convenient package of shit.

Anonymous asked: Now that we've gotten past this point in the comic- I just wanted to say I forgot Expatri8 was ever a name used to refer to Darkleer- mainly because all I ever see people refering to him as is Darkleer. And at first it kinda threw me for a loop when you called him that even though it's the only name you knew for him- Anyhows- You probably noted this at some point but only upper middle class to high blood colors seem to have name names, with some exceptions. Like, they're weird, but Mindfang, Redglare, and Dualscar are all fesable names. Meanwhile the lower bloods just have titles.

It is absolutely in character of Alternia not to allow lowbloods to have names.

Anonymous asked: Just read your liveblog over the last two days. I adore your analysis! I second that one person’s reccomendation of In Stars And Time. Also I reccomend the Blue Lips homestuck video, it’s lived in my head for ages. I’m 99% sure it’s safe to watch now? It’s about the events of murderstuck and I don’t THINK it references anything you don’t know. Anyhoot! I know you mentioned vriska being like Azula when you first started getting to know her. Now that you’re as far as you are, I’d like to argue… Vriska is more like Zuko, in a way? Like. The way she wants to wipe things clean, the way he wants to restore his honor. The way they both have a “parent” that leads them to how things are, and for a while they cling to that as “right” and how things should be… One time I saw a post that Vriska is girl Zuko and Eridan is boy Azula and all the comments were arguing that no, vriska is Azula, but lowkey that post changed my brain chemistry and idk why people were SO vehemently against changing the genders of the characters in the comparison

I think Vriska works well as girl Zuko. You're right - they both started off under the thumb of an abusive parent, and they both try to 'fix' their past mistakes without understanding the wider context behind why they made them. Now, does this mean Vriska will also be getting a kickass redemption arc, which turns her into one of the comic's most straightforwardly heroic characters? Possibly, but I ain't holding my breath.

It's a little harder for me to see the second comparison, though. Like her brother, Azula was made into what she is by her horrible father, whereas Eridan became what he is on his own, with some assistance from Alternian culture.

Perhaps there are layers here that I'm just not seeing. I haven't read the Avatar sequel comics yet, so they might do more with Azula's character that I don't know about.

@mrjocrafter asked: I was trying to think about what the characters' moon alignment means in terms of their characterization, thought "Prospit dreamers are relatively passive while Derse dreamers are relatively active", then realized that's only true for the humans, the Post-Scratch Trolls' 6 Prospit dreamers (excluding Sollux, as his 'official' alignment, according to the Extended Zodiac, is Derse) are the more active characters. Then I realized that on Earth darkness and dark-associated characters are edgy and countercultural, while on Alternia light and light-associated characters are countercultural instead! Goddamn this comic just keeps coming back for more themes Also, I know you've compared Taylor to Vriska in the past, but she really strikes me as more of a Terezi. Beyond the surface level stuff (like going blind and then relying on a supernatural sense), Taylor, like Terezi has a strong moral compass but will twist it into pretzels to do the most horrific shit and there's a 50/50 chance she even regrets it afterwards. Meanwhile, Amy, who I think makes a much better Vriska, does her atrocities either under manipulation (like Vriska) or just does it without thinking about it and feels bad about it later (hey, also like Vriska). Also, Taylor Hebert and Amelia Dallon are coincidentally both valid troll names.

Yup! Which means Kanaya is a troll goth, which is still amazing.

And... hmm, I'm not sure whether I'd call Dave active or passive. He certainly acts more on his own initiative than John, but he also spends a lot of time getting bossed around by Terezi. He's kind of in the middle, really.

I do think Terezi's reframing of her violence as 'justice' is very Taylor-coded - and Amy is absolutely a Vriska, if we're working off the 'female, controversial, and morally ambiguous' definition given by a previous asker. Plus, well...

...yeah. And let's not even talk about Ward. (Because I haven't read it.)

Really, all these characters are multifaceted, and you can draw many different parallels in many different directions. If I had the time, I could probably draw lines from each of the trolls to a different cape in the Wormverse - but for now, we must continue!

@morganwick asked: Bec's influence on Jack is so strong that not only is he reduced to following Jade around like a puppy, he kills CD for completing the mission he gave him and leaves Jade, one of the players he's supposed to be killing, on her quest bed, the nature of which he didn't seem to know about when it came to John. Bec = absolute king.

Bec is a king.

It really does seem like his influence over Jack is increasing as time passes. Is Davesprite going to get more birdlike, as well? Or is Bec just a special case because he's a First Guardian?

Anonymous asked: oh my god you really just cleaned the board with the last minute Dave+Rose quest slab guess??? Like. You were going on about other things and then you just casually mention "oh I guess this could happen too" like okay!!! Seer!!!!

Yeah, I'm pretty proud of that one. I was just thinking about how Aradia might help the Derse kids, once she'd met them at the Sun, and then it hit me: she's been in exactly the same situation, in exactly the same place, because of exactly the same sun!

Anonymous asked: dogtier IS in fact what the entire fandom calls her, if you came up with that yourself congrats on the authentic 2011 homestuck experience, move over carcinisation this is the new big thing in convergent evolution

I did, but come on. That pun makes itself.

Anonymous asked: Fun fact: the music used in [S] Begin Intermission 2, "English", is the same when reversed. It is an EXTREMELY excellent detail. And another example of Toby Fox being a brilliant composer. @sanctferum asked: English by Toby Fox is a really cool song in that its a musical palindrome, playing the same both forwards and backwards, as befits the titular entity. The whole Felt album it's from is based around creating songs with time gimmicks in them, so it serves as a very good semifinal track to almost close the album out. @emotionallyglued asked: You finally got to the part where our big bad man appears! Simple question to ask but I'm looking forward towards the answer: what do you think of Lord English's theme? Grandiose enough to fit a villain of his caliber or did you expect something more/else?

Oh, shit, that's cool!

I liked the song a lot. Sure, it's not as bombastic as the boss theme I went with myself, but it is much, much scarier. It was the perfect way to remind us that this wasn't really a victory - that English's plan went off without a hitch. Our heroes are still in terrible, terrible danger.

@morganwick asked: post/756751870755733504 Still think of Doc Scratch as "Big Cal"? @sanctferum asked: You've heard of Lil' Cal and Big Cal, now get ready for the deadliest and dastardliest villain of all: Biggest Cal. Anonymous asked: you've seen lil cal, now get ready for BIG CAL @lon-kasi asked: finally, Big Ca- well. actually. Scratch was Big Cal, wasn't he? so finally, Bigger Cal

This is the real reason Scratch wouldn't tell Rose his boss's name - because if she'd known her manipulator worked for Bigger Cal, she'd have been too god damn scared to go grimdark.

Anonymous asked: T1ck T0ck goes the God Tier Clock. Its chime signals the Br8k of Scratch's H34D. And with the arrival of Lord English, he lets loose two great, Vast honk HONKS. Anonymous asked: Did you notice something about the English sequence? First, we see Scratch's clock. t1ck, t0ck. Then, his head breaks. 8r8k H34DS. He releases the Vast Honk. honk HONK.

This motherfucker died to the very words that birthed him.

I guarantee you that this was deliberate on Scratch's part. He didn't need to foreshadow his plan so blatantly - but this horrible little troll knew that nobody would get the joke until it was too late.

bladekindeyewear asked: "S u c k e r s ." The bioorganic-looking Tumor opening up to reveal a precision device. Twice the mass of a universe. Doc Scratch fucking played EVERYONE SO HARD. We couldn't believe THEY CREATED THE GREEN SUN, so hard many of us watched without REALIZING IT. If you reread the talk Doc and Rose had from p3627 onward, the amount of TRANSPARENT DODGES AND WEASELING he did in that conversation to mislead Rose and the entire readership is so blatant and shameless, oh my fucking god!!! Anonymous asked: Not only did Scratch never said the tumor would destroy the green sun, he also specifically said they would travel to the green sun LOCATION, not to the green sun itself.

God damn it!

Scratch may have been stoic on the outside, but you mark my words: he was absolutely roaring with laughter on the inside.

@sunbluethinking asked: Regarding 'a dozen or two sweeps,' you do have to remember that it seems like one sweep is roughly equivalent to two human years? (See Terezi's and Dave's 'I'm six' conversation, or whatever it was.) So my impression is that a dozen sweeps would be equivalent to 24 years and two dozen sweeps would be equivalent to 48 years. Still really short, but not quite as absurdly short. (Which actually reminds me of the question of the problem of rate of maturation in fictional races with different lifespans. (Dungeon Meshi touches on this, but) in the case of Homestuck, I think it seems like the trolls mature to adulthood at about the same rate. It's just their adult lifespans that are different.) @bellcarved asked: If my math is correct, "a dozen or two sweeps" is a range of 26 to 52 years. Still not great, but 26 would be the low end of the life expectancy, while they tend to live around half as long as a human.

So either Aradia was about to die, or she wasn't - but either way, she was always going to die young.

We still don't know whether God Tier stops you aging, do we? I have to assume so, because death by old age isn't really Heroic or Just, but I'd feel a lot better if it was 100% confirmed.

Anonymous asked: And here we learn the story of Jesus and the second coming- @bellcarved asked: Now you know the truth: Karkat Vantas is the second coming of Troll Jegus Christ. Anonymous asked: I doubt I'm the first to say this but, the story of the Signless is undeniably based off the story of Jesus Christ. @skelekingfeddy asked: you do realise that the sufferer is Troll Jegus right. the irons/cancer symbol is the crucifix. his method of execution turned into the main symbol of a religion. the dolorosa is mary. karkat is the second coming. hes literally just Troll Jegus lmao @sanctferum asked: turns out, Terezi was right all along. troll jegus was real after all, and he was indeed the best jegus. shame on you for not believing, Dave

God damn it, Karkat. You hate yourself so much, even though you're literally the second coming of Christ.

And really does add weight to Terezi's claim that Alternia had the 'best' Jesus. Sure, says she's joking here, but... well, her Ancestor was a follower of the Signless, wasn't she? Could Terezi have inherited more of Redglare's legacy than we thought?

Anonymous asked: now that you know about the signless i recommend you take another read of karkat's long password on page 3972

...huh.

It almost makes it seem like Karkat's vaguely cognizant of the Sufferer's life, the same way the Sufferer was cognizant of his pre-Scratch incarnation. Funny, that.

@morganwick asked: "For a bisexual alien, his shipping is awfully straight, isn't it?" Well, consider that when he drew that he was trying to adhere to the human model of reproduction with its explicit requirement of one person of each sex, as best he could from his alien perspective. Note that in the same conversation he's struggling to understand the "human taboo of incest". @manorinthewoods asked: Karkat's humanshipping is straight because John told him he wasn't gay, and presumably, he extrapolated. ~LOSS (28/12/24) Anonymous asked: Karkat's very straight shipping chart is the way it is because John's Not A Homosexual:tm:

I totally forgot I came to the same conclusion, back in that legendary group chat.

Man, Rose x Kanaya is really going to throw Karkat for a loop. He'll probably think that John was just bullshitting him.

@skelekingfeddy asked: steven moffat is a valid troll name Anonymous asked: You've brought it up too much not to ask, what did Moffat do that pissed you off so badly?

Once more, I am very tempted to make this a full essay, but I'll save time by just pointing to Hbomberguy's famous Sherlock video, which I agree with, like, 80% of - particularly the Doctor Who segment that I've timestamped.

In a nutshell, Moffat was always really good at generating intrigue, and building hype for future events - but as a showrunner, he never really delivered on his promises, and was very fond of handwaving established canon to the side. Pet peeve of mine, as you can imagine.

@rwbypro asked: We warned you bro, we warned you about the most important character @skelekingfeddy asked: carcinoGeneticist may have engineered the cancer…but terminallyCapricious was the one who made it terminal. ;o) @capribornio asked: Honk, honk :0) Heyyyy you reached the part where Gamzee became my favorite enemy. Forget Vriska, Jack and Doc Scratch - Gamzee may have his buttons pushed by the good ol' Doc, but he managed to make things worse than even Vriska got to (and killed more main characters, too!). Anonymous asked:Congratulations on reaching this point. So, Gamzee chucklefucked the universe. Crazy, right? @bellcarved asked: Gamzee's "Bard of Rage" title is looking more accurate than ever, now. His own rage lead him to put the clowns in John's dreams, which ended up inspiring the rage that made Jack Noir go to the lengths he did. Bardic inspiration, if you will. …also, this makes Perfect Jack a collaborative effort between Vriska and Gamzee. @capribornio asked: I feel like you get Gamzee much better than most livebloggers (and a part of the fandom, too). Gamzee is an orchestrator, on a much bigger level than any could have predicted. The silly little troll dissappeared once he got off the slime, got his religion destroyed, and got Lil Cal.

I told you, guys! I told you Bards were overpowered!

Yeah, he's already getting pretty crafty, isn't he? Maybe, instead of manipulating Gamzee like he did the girls, Scratch has actually been coaching him. After all, his own manipulating days are over, so maybe he saw fit to train a successor...

Anonymous asked: if vriska was presented with a choice about the creation of bec noir, it would have had to be before the veil because the trolls only flee into the veil AFTER bec shows up and wrecks their reward- and that's their first introduction to him. any choice she could have made about bec/jack after that would result in a doomed timeline, because it would break the loop. that's why it has to be before the veil. @manorinthewoods asked: What I mean is that the Choice that would have prevented Bec Noir is something that would have made Vriska change who she was, in such a way that she wouldn't later make Bec. Vriska's Choice that made Bec can't have occurred in the Veil, because there wasn't a Denizen to give it, so whatever it was, it must have been something to do with character growth that she failed to do. ~LOSS (28/12/24)

Oh, right, that makes sense!

Yeah, poor Vriska simply wasn't self-aware enough to make such a Choice before the Veil. It's interesting what-if, though.

@flambeaufelid asked: ICP albums liveblog maybe??? (Do people liveblog music reactions? They should.) Anonymous asked: Since you mentioned the possibility of having to listen to ICP albums to understand Gamzee better, I figured I’d better let you know that while reading a bit about juggalos, ICP, and ICP’s music does help with understanding Gamzee better if you’re unfamiliar with them (though I wouldn’t say it’s crucial), I don’t recommend listening to their music unless you’re comfortable with graphic depictions of gore, murder, and other forms of violence. (Speaking from personal experience here; I tried listening to them because Gamzee’s my favorite character and quickly realized I didn’t enjoy that.) Anonymous asked: I would say listening to icp is not necessary… I tried myself and failed not even half way through one album so I admittedly could be wrong but… I think it was never intended to be THAT serious

I checked out Miracles, back when ICP was first brought up, but I haven't seen any of their other music. It's probably not actually necessary to listen to the band to understand Gamzee, but I might still do it for fun, since the graphic content wouldn't bother me much.

@skelekingfeddy asked: according to hussie the fifth wall is what divides two narrators/authors @sanctferum asked: According to Hussie's comments, if the fourth wall is the wall between the character and the author/their audience, then the fifth wall is specifically the wall dividing omniscient narrators from each other. or something like that

I, uh, guess that makes sense. Presumably Scratch would be our second 'author' in this scenario, even though he's not literally another author of Homestuck.

[limethefirst]

I've been reading all your recent Shadow fics and they're all SO CUTE!!! It makes me so happy to see where Shadow sort of gets to have a second chance with a new Maria, one where he can keep them safe. I was wondering though, how do you think he would react if they dyed red streaks into their hair to look like him?

Red Hair Dye

pairings: Shadow the Hedgehog x reader (platonic)

warnings: none

summary: after a trip to the store you see a hair dye that reminds you of your favorite little hedgehog

a/n: hey guys sorry i was gone this week, school started back up so slow updates and i just went through a break up so just taking things slow, here's your request tysm for your patience! (This reminds me of when I had pink highlights 😭)

The store was quiet, it was late so it wasn't very strange. You walked through the aisles, looking at all its contents. It was a small corner store no more then a 3 minute walk from your place. Light jazz music played as beeping of machines echoed through the front of the store.

You stopped in the hair dye section, taking a look at all the colors, thinking which one you liked best, not that you were sure you were even going to dye your hair. Until you spotted it, a crimson red hair dye that looked like it was on sale.

Pausing, you stared at it a bit before ultimately picking it up. You looked at the brand, knowing it was a trust worthy one when it came to hair damage and color, so without a second thought you quickly shoved it into your basket before continuing to browse a bit more.

The trip was short lived and quickly you found yourself rushing to your bathroom, excited to try the new color you'd bought. Shadow was somewhere about but didn't seem to try and find you, seemingly hearing your rush to reach the bathroom, almost paying no mind to it.

Opening the box you grabbed everything inside, basically dumping it out onto your sink as you sorted through it. The instructions were simple, so you just went with the flow, prepping your hair and sectioning it the way you wanted.

After your hair was ready, you started to mix some of the paint, making sure to add the right amount of color so that it would be bright enough on your hair. After a bit of mixing you grabbed the small brush that came in the box, as well as the gloves. You slipped the gloves on slowly and started to apply the red.

It was a tiring process, taking you over 20 minutes to finally finish. By that point your arms were tired from being held up so long. Swiftly you exhaled and sat down against the wall, making sure your hair wasn't messed up.

A small knock interrupted your waiting. You slightly opened the door, not realizing how strong the smell of paint truly was, as the hedgehog took a quick step back, his nose scrunching.

"What are you doing?" He asked, arms crossed, not being able to fully see you as you hid behind the door, wanting to keep the hair a surprise.

You let out a small chuckle before playfully responding, "It's a secret," Shadow just gave a small sigh, knowing you wouldn't tell him till later with that type of answer.

"Don't take long then" Shadow said before turning away, probably going to go sit in your room, although he'd never say it he found comfort around you more then he did most. It was nice to be special.

You closed the door quickly, and sat in the bathroom a bit longer, waiting at least 30 minutes so that the dye would set. Shadow found it a bit annoying at how long you were taking and he was very curious as to what exactly that smell was, it was like chemicals. Maybe you were cleaning, but the more Shadow thought the more he knew it would not be cleaning.

You took a quick shower, the water was cold to make sure not a lot of dye left your hair. Once you were done the bathroom was a red mess that you'd hope would be able to come off later.

Drying yourself and changing you put on some of the lasting products in the box which were supposed to make the dye last longer as you fixed your hair, excited to show Shadow the result.

Walking towards your room you found Shadow on the edge of your bed, his arms still crossed and his posture straight as he kept his gaze steady on the novela in front of him. His eyes quickly changed over to you as he saw you enter, the first thing that caught his attention though was your hair.

It looked like you had red highlights in your hair, he was shocked to see your new look.

"I thought we could match!" You cheerfully said making your way over to him as he saw bits of red.

He let out a small huff of approval, "It looks nice," He now stood up, as you sat on the ground taking in the sight.

"So you like the emo highlights?" You jokingly asked him, knowing how Sonic and his friends had called him the emo hedgehog before.

Shadow just gave you a straight face before walking past you and out your door.

Quickly you sprung to your feet, apologizing as you followed him out, "I was kidding come back!"

[heartbreakgrill]

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Part 9; "Never seen that color blue."

“No, yeah, of course! Noo…no! Thank you! I seriously appreciate all of your help and understanding during this! I hope you have a wonderful day! Yeah, aw, thanks! You, too! Yeah- okay- bye!”

My faux smile dropped as soon as my hand did, phone falling to a silenced settle on my left thigh. I breathed a shallow breath of somehow anxious relief, so ironic that it made me want to scream.

Max reached across the bed and rubbed my knee comfortingly, “You okay?”

I wanted to snort, yell, kick my feet, and laugh hysterically. Throw a temper tantrum, wish on a star, kiss a fucking frog. Fall on my knees, beg the skies. Change fate's cruel course of time.

But my expression was blank as I shrugged, “What can ya do?”

The corner of his lips lifted into the saddest smile. His thumb brushed my skin, “It’s gonna be alright. Once you settle back in, things will start to feel normal. You can start…moving on. And, hey, I’m visiting in just a month. You have that to look forward to. School starting, your new role at the clinic. So many good things, Daz.”

He was right- I had so much to be excited about. I really should’ve felt excited, grateful. A better woman would have. A better woman would have seen the blessings all around her and felt so full of life and love. God, she would’ve respected herself enough to not be in this situation in the first place.

Yet I couldn’t help but feel resentful, knowing that I would trade all of it for-

for him.

For Oliver.

I would give up everything for just another moment, hanging onto his lips like a vine. Just a second of growth, even if being ripped away meant digging up the roots and my leaves dying.

I just gave Max that fake smile, knowing full well he was aware that it meant nothing. “You’re right. It’ll be good for me to be home.”

He squeezed my knee before removing his hand. “You wanna finish packing? Or maybe take a break? Get some food?”

I glanced around at the mess of clothes across Sam and I’s hotel room. My bags lay open, a few piles of my stuff already stuffed inside. But there was more than half to be done. So much to be done before I went…before I went home tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Less than 12 hours from now. I’d be heading back to reality. Closing the doors on Europe, on everything and everybody I’d be leaving here.

There was just one week left on the European leg of the two. Tomorrow morning, everyone will be leaving for Germany. I’d go to the airport with them, like normal, but depart at a separate gate, at the same exact time. Those who needed to know, well, I was going to tell them. And those who needed to know the reason why would, too. Sam was going to think I was going home because of an offer for a higher position from the clinic I worked at. But this was only partially true. Training for that wouldn’t even start for another 3 weeks. School wasn’t for a month.

I was leaving for me- for clarity, fresh air. Oliver was right- London was foggy, full of pollution and shitty, selfish men.

I needed to get away, out. Back to routine and home. Back to what I knew- what wouldn’t hurt me.

I looked back to Max, “I'm gonna finish packing. Get it over with. Before Sam gets back. I think it might hurt his feelings to walk in and see this…mess.”

Mess might have held a double meaning. I had looked better, for sure. Max understood, I think, for he knocked his shoulder against mine, then stood from the bed. “We got it, Daz.”

I stood up quickly, knowing the only way to get started was to just start. Stand. Move. (I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.)

It took us another hour or so to finish stuffing my belongings into their bags. I had bought maybe one too many souvenirs, so we struggled to find a place for everything. When we were done, I slew myself across the end of the bed, breathing heavily, sweating a little bit.

Max groaned from the floor, “Why do you own so many things?!”

“Dude, I don’t even know. It’s gonna take me 12 years to unpack!”

He chortled, half-heartedly, patting his stomach as an afterthought. “I am soooo hungry. What do you wanna eat?”

I sat up as he did so, shrugging a bit, “You pick. I don’t have the energy for all that.”

“I’m good with the hotel restaurant if you are.”

“Fuck it.”

So, we sludged our way downstairs. I hadn’t been leaving my room much, worried you-know-who would cross my path and shake things up again. Though, I doubted he was looking for me. He hadn’t so much as texted me since last week. Oliver was probably sulking, convincing himself that he was the victim in this whole thing. The thought made my blood rush a little bit. I clenched my fist as the elevator doors closed, trying to focus on breathing and not screaming.

The past three had been probably one of the worst of my life. I was so…so sad. So angry. Confused. Nothing made sense, yet all of my fears had come true. It was like I knew all the answers, but my bones felt so put off by how they manifested themselves. Like, what do you mean the cold, dark, distant boy turned out to be a cheating, manipulative liar? Right on the money.

My rational mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that it still felt so…disappointing? Wrong? Fucked the fucking fuck up.

The doors slid open. I followed, quietly, behind Max as we headed for the inlet to the left of the front counter. This was a usual part of my new found routine, grabbing food with Max. Albeit, sneakily, with numerous texts between the two of us (me, badgering him) ensuring nobody else (Oliver) was down here. In avoiding him, I had been avoiding everybody else, too.

I could already see their knowing looks. Sam could read me like a book. Ronnie was way psychic and usually felt the vibe of a situation long before it occurred. Adam, obviously, already was aware. And I'm sure he would have relayed the information to Cyrus.

I was exuding this aura of heartbroken, school-girl-fantasy-crushed, sad-puppy shit. I felt tired, and I’m sure my eyes looked it, too. Any passerby probably could have read my emotions pretty well. No matter, I’d be out of here soon. Back home. I could heal, rest, relax, find somebody else to fuck and get the fuck over this dumb ass white boy.

My dumb ass white boy. I’d tried not to think about him, so deeply sunk into this angry feeling that I couldn’t even fathom the idea of missing what had hurt me. Alas, every once and a while (between every other curse I thought of) something would flash through my mind. A distant memory, an image of his deep-ocean blue eyes shining with flames from the rooftop firepit, triggered by a breath, a catch of the wind, a sink in my heart. I’d feel a little moth flicker in my chest. An air bubble, taut in my stomach, would have me hiccuping from gushing tears in an instant.

I think it was the deep blue suede of the hotel bar’s stools that did it this time. I brushed a hand, slowly, watching the color shift from the movement of the fabric. The lighter color reminded me of a time he felt the way I did right now. Sadness. Maybe it hadn’t meant as much to him, maybe his depravity was not comforted by me. But that moment, when I held him, when he nuzzled his head into my neck and began crying-

“Wanna drink?” Max rested a hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention back from where I was trudging through fleeting, erasing moments.

I ceased my body from flinching, willed away the wetness in my eyes, and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s get a drink.”

Which was a mistake.

One drink turned to appetizers turned to three drinks turned to main courses, 5 drinks, 2 shots, and dessert. Before I knew it, Max and I were cackling over some typo on some Twitter post. I gripped his shirt sleeve and hoped I wouldn’t slide off the bar stool. For the first time in a week, I wasn’t concerning myself with the logistics of sticking around in this public area as long as we had been. I wasn’t even thinking of Oliver. In fact, Max and I were discussing some of our favorite shitposts about American politics. My mind was far away from dumb Brits and idiotic Europeans.

Of course, the world had a very funny way of spitting in my face.

Adam, Cyrus, and- low and behold- Oliver came strolling into the bar right when Max and I finished ordering another drink. I felt a little sick, watching as they neared us. Oliver wasn’t paying attention. He never did. His head, sunken into his hoodie, hands shoved in his pockets. He moved like the Grim Reaper. I wondered if he had come to take my soul away.

Adam and Cyrus seemed…on edge. They noticed Max and I only after they’d made it halfway across the room. Adam hesitated on his next step, catching my eye, worriedly glancing between me and Oliver.

Max was aware, at this point. He cut himself off mid sentence, swiping a hand across his lips. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. “Daisy…let’s go.”

His fingers brushed through mine in a desperate grasp to pull me along with him, towards the door. I was drunk. I was not thinking. I was hysterical, sad, heartbroken, angry. I tugged my hand away, instead flipping into the air to wave and cheerfully catch the group’s full attention.

“Cy! Adam!” I couldn’t quite catch his name on my tongue. I thought I might puke. “Hey, girl!”

Oliver looked up at the sound of voice. He stopped, but three feet from our little round table. The light, dim from the overhead lamps and LED strips behind the counter, caught the round pupils in his eyes. I watched as he blinked once, twice. Blue.

“Oliver!” There it was.

He met my eye. The corners of his lids wilted, like the petals of a flower, aged, saddened. Drops of rain dropping them in weight. Max looked between the two of us. Cyrus busied himself with buying a drink. Adam slouched in the awkward, pregnant air. Oliver ignored me, moved around our group to sit as far away as possible.

I clenched my jaw. Rage. Utter, pure anger. How dare he deny me even now? The fact that he had not come to my door in the past few days, on his knees, begging for my forgiveness- I was seething. And, now, he goes back to his old tricks. Pretending like I don’t exist.

I turned to Max, who was bracing for impact. His hands were wary, held up near me as if to catch my fall. I shrugged, smiled cheekily, wrinkled my nose. I bumped Adam’s shoulder with mine and declared, “Shots on me?”

He continued his smug slump in the bar stool for the next hour. Adam, Cyrus, Max, and I hung like the old pals we were, cracking jokes, swapping stories like we were surrounding a campfire. I glanced at Oliver every once in a while, hoping to accidentally make eye contact like we used to. He stared down at his phone or his glass. I was surprised the device worked considering he’d fucking forgotten my contact existed or something.

Ugh.

What a fucking ass hole.

Adam asked me a question, pulling my attention back in. “Are you excited for Germany?”

Oh. I’d almost forgotten all about this little plot. I knew that if I spoke loud enough, Oliver would hear. He’d react. I could almost hear it, the little hitch in his breath. The tickle in his throat. The flit of his tongue across his lips, the patter of his holey heart.

I felt my own chest jitter with the excitement, the want of a reaction I needed from him. The shock. The idea that I would be an ocean away from him. No longer at an arm’s length.

I turned towards Adam and rested my chin on my fist. I frowned, almost playfully, “Ugh, I hate having to tell you guys like this!”

Cyrus slowly lowered his glass from his lips, having been mid-drink, “What’s up?”

“I’m going home,” my brows furrowed in a naive look. Adam and Cyrus’ chins dropped a sliver. I pouted my lip, “Stop! I know! I’m so sad!”

I wanted to wait until the conversation was over to look down the bar, to see if even a fragment of what I was saying had affected him. But, I didn’t need to wait. Oliver had flinched. He literally flinched.

“Yeah, me, too,” Adam touched my hand. “Why so soon? I thought you were staying through August?”

“I was planning on it, but…they offered me a better position at the clinic I work at. I have to get home to start training,” I continued, a satisfied smirk teasing my mouth.

Cyrus lifted his glass, “Well, there’s nothing to be sad about, then! To your new job.”

“I’ll cheers to that,” the smirk slipped into a genuine smile. I really would miss these guys, but my drunken, stupid mind wasn’t thinking about that. I wanted more from Oliver. I wanted a white flag or a look or a…fuck, I wanted him.

I pushed, “I’ll really miss you guys. Max, with your corny-ass pick-up lines, Adam’s mom vibes, Cy’s ability to knock back more drinks than fucking- I don’t know, Spider-man, and not get drunk? Shit’s insane.”

I drank in the laughter for a moment, eyes lingering down the bar to Oliver. Then, I added a name to my list and narrowed my gaze, “Oliver,” he wouldn’t look. “With your need to ignore me in every room we’re in. I’ll really miss your cold fucking shoulder.”

Any laughter that may have hung onto our past moment faded. I heard Max take a sharp breath in through his teeth. Adam pressed his lips together. Cyrus looked over his shoulder at their friend. I didn’t know if he really knew, but he had to understand just a little bit. The vibes were always there. We thought we were sneaky, but we were so sickly up each other’s asses. We’d even run into Cyrus and Adam in the hallway that one time. I guess we were all really good at being hopefully fucking stupid and blind.

I leaned on my palm and stared that man down. I watched as he kept his chin, pointed ahead, like he was playing brave in the situation. His Adam's apple bobbed. Oliver clutched his glass, swung it back, slugged the liquid down. Slammed it back on the counter. Then, he stood up, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and threw a wad of bills onto the bar. He adjusted his hoodie and left.

I was dizzy. I stuttered back a step. Max touched my wrist, murmuring something or the other about heading back upstairs. Telling me I was too drunk.

I felt slow, felt dizzy, felt scared, felt angry, felt sad. I felt so sad. I felt so angry and so sad and…

And, my eyebrows furrowed in anger, the shock erasing itself from my frame. I took a deep, drunken breath and followed his trail. Fast. Legs pumping, arms swinging at my sides.

He was at the elevator, looking down at his shoes. I couldn’t get his name out. I think if I did the tears were going to fall out, The sobs were going to ricochet through my whole body and knock me over and kill me and I’d die and I’d never get to see that dumb asses blue eyes any more. Ever again. I wanted to see his blue eyes again. I wanted him to look at me and see me for what he sees me as. I wanted him to touch my hip and wring my neck and tell me I was the only one he wanted. I’d take it. One more time, then he could go back to her. I just wanted a goodbye.

He was stepping into the elevator. The doors were closing. I jammed a hand between and he flinched, again.

I stepped in just as the doors began to shut again. His eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them. He was frozen. Frowning. He looked…sad.

I almost reached a hand out, almost caressed his cheek and pulled him into me. But, I didn’t. Instead, I said (yelled?), “What the fuck is your problem?”

He stammered, “Wha-what?”

I struggled to repeat myself. I needed to cry. It was going to open. But, for another moment, the anger took over, “You fucking heard me. What is your problem, Oliver? What the fuck did I do to deserve this kind of shit? I don’t wanna hear more sad excuses about your fucking mental health and your-your fucking anxiety. God, I- I fucking…I don’t even k- you fucking ignored me back there! I looked right at you and I said your name and I smiled at you and…I’ve been so nice to you. I’ve been nice to you all summer and you treat me like a piece of fucking shit. God, I’ve…I’ve told you so much. I told you about my mom and…and you laid there and you told me all this bullshit about how much you liked me! And then you…youre a fucking-”

I cut myself off, out of breath. I was sweating a little bit. I think I had spit a few times. And I paced the elevator so much that I was flush against the wall. I leaned my shoulders back against the cool metal, wringing my hands, tugging at my hair.

He didn’t say anything. I breathed, hard, I thought, long. I kept thinking, and I kept getting angrier. I turned back to him, rearing up again. I had more to say, I just, I just needed to get some more concise- more thoughtful thoughts, right, exactly. Yes. I can…

“And who the fuck is F-”

“Daisy.”

There it was, my name. It was my name, soft and angelic, and holy. And a moment on his lips that he carved out of time and held a space for, for me to hear.

I stopped. I felt nothing for a moment. I looked at him and he was already waiting to see my eyes. My bottom lip wobbled.

“You’re obviously upset. And, drunk. Why don’t we talk about this in the morning? We can both get some rest.” He was always so good at two very distinct things: pushing stuff (people) aside and speaking to me in a way that felt like a cloud was wrapping itself around me. Like the cloud wanted me to lay in its arm and would coo me to sleep. Like I was safe and loved and-

Loved.

He made me feel loved.

I straightened up a bit at the thought. I pointed an accusatory finger at him, “Who the fuck is Fiona? What the fuck was that all about? Oliver, I’m not going to stand here and beg for you to love me. Or beg for you to come back to me. I just want a goddamn apology. For wasting my time, for playing with my fucking heart. For stringing me along. You knew-”

The tears came. Perfect timing. “You fucking know that I love you. You have known for a very long time. And you are an idiotic fool if you still don’t believe it. But I am not going to play this game with you. I told you that already and now I seriously mean it. I broke my back this summer to make sure that I was who you wanted me to be. So I was cool and chill and could take as much space as you wanted me to. I went with everything you asked of me, I was there when you needed a warm body. I comforted you and…and tried to fucking fix you like I knew you wanted me to. But, I am done. I am done with this. I am done-”

My voice cracked. I swiped an angry, shaking hand across my face. Vision blurred. “I am done with you. This is ridiculous. I don’t know if you meant to, but you have manipulated this situation so that you have been the one benefiting. I’m tired of letting you think you’re some broken, sad puppy dog on the side of the road that needs to be taken care of. Grow the fuck up. And, now I find out that there’s some other woman? That I- I’m the other woman, maybe? That you’re cheating on her with me? That I’m your fucking slut? Side hoe?”

I had paced again, this time, towards him. He was taller than me, but my anger was making me taller. He was almost…cowering. I pointed my finger again, nearly chest to chest with him.

“Fuck you, Oliver. Fuck you and fuck London and fuck your stupid fucking music.”

The doors opened, on our floor. I walked out, but turned to face him before he was really gone from me. I wanted to see his eyes one last time.

He was crying. I popped an arm into the door again, buying myself more time to kick him while he was down. I thought this would bring me closure. I thought I’d feel better if he knew, truly knew, the entirety. Every thought. Every hurt I felt.

“You asked me at the beginning of the summer what I was searching for. I thought that it was you. And I thought that I had found you.”

I shook my head sadly. The doorbell on the elevator rang. I stepped back, “I was right. There is no deeper meaning. Goodbye, Oliver.”

I stood there for a second, as though I could still see his blue eyes, boring through the metal doors.

Then, I sludged my way to my hotel room. I opened the door, shoulders slumped, body aching. I knew my makeup was smeared all over my face. My hair was wrecked. I couldn’t stop sniffling or whimpering. I walked into the room.

Sam sat up in his bed. Ronnie was beside him. I barely made it two more steps before Sam caught me in his arms.

–

The sky was gray. The weather in Europe usually was, especially up here on this side of the continent. I wasn’t surprised when, on our drive to the airport, it started spitting rain. I shivered underneath the cover of my hoodie, yet walked slowly through the entrance.

I remember when I had first dropped down in London, wide-eyed, hopeful. I think it had been raining then, too. But, I hadn’t cared. Come to think of it, it was raining pretty much everyday we had been in London.

Oliver was right about a couple things.

Back then, just three months ago, I hadn’t cared about the sun’s shadow curving from behind the clouds, nor did I mind that it was usually quite chilly outside. Now, I felt anger, annoyance at the weather, at the people, at the world.

At him. The stupid weight of my suitcase. The drag in my step. The wetness of my clothes and the chill of the wind.

I felt older, in the worst way. I was a different age, considering my birthday had passed while I’d been here. But, I felt old in a way that was draining. I felt like I had wasted so much time, energy, and all I had left were weary bones and sadness. Just how much I had left, I didn’t know. But I did know that as soon as I got back home, I would be rotting in my bed for a day or two.

Sam, Max, and Ronnie came to the airport early with me. My flight time had been pulled forward by an hour, so I needed to get here sooner than I thought. I wasn’t complaining, though. I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of the hotel. Out of here. Out of London.

I hurried the process of packing my last few things. Stuffed my breakfast down my throat. Impatiently waited in the taxi, knee bouncing, as Sam and Max loaded the trunk with all of our things. Ronnie slid in beside me and became the first reason that I cried that day.

She reared a look over her shoulder, out the back window, to check on Max and Sam. Then, with an awkward sigh, she turned her knees towards me, “Peaches?”

I glanced up from my lap and the bounce of my knee slowed, “Yeah?”

Upon noticing the somber gaze in her eyes, my brows furrowed. “What’s up?” I added, fully presenting her my full attention.

Ronnie rubbed her nose in a seemingly nervous manner, “I just wanted to say…um, ew. Sorry.”

I softly giggled at her disgust with whatever sentence she was trying to form. “What is it?”

She finally met my eye in a fervently forward manner, “I usually have fun on tour. But this summer was…it was extra special. Getting to know you has been…so cool. I don’t know. I just…I love you, Daisy. You’ve become like a sister to me.”

I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes. “Oh, Ronnie,” I sniffled, hugging her around the shoulders.

She pulled me close to her and I swear I heard her sniffle a bit, too. “I’m sorry for not noticing what was happening. I should’ve been there for you more. I got caught up in my own-”

“Don’t even apologize,” I reared back with my reply, “No. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m not even blaming myself for what happened. It was a stupid, weird situation. It was my responsibility to come to you if I needed help. I just needed…I just need to go home now.”

Ronnie smiled a sad, peaceful smile. “I hope I get to see you again soon. I don’t know what I will do without your bright light.”

“Oh, you will. You guys will be in the US soon. Sam said he was gonna drop by. I am positive you’ll be there, too,” I dropped a sly wink.

Ronnie watched my face for a moment, “I mean, of course you know now. But…” she narrowed her eyes, grinning in shocked realisation, “Fucker. You knew the whole time?!”

“Of course I knew the whole time. Sam is-” I snorted, “Sam is not hiding his lovesick, puppy-dog eyes.”

Ronnie’s gaze widened slightly, “I-”

The doors of the taxi popped open as the boys joined us, Max in the back on my other side, Sam in the front. He saw our laughing, secretive expressions in the rearview mirror and turned back. “What are you two doing?”

I brushed my hands across my cheeks to clear whatever tears might’ve been rolling still, then shook my head. “Nothing, Sam-Ham.”

He turned his eyes to Ronnie and tilted his chin forward. She shrugged, a smug smile contorting her once saddened face. Ronnie dropped a wink, “Nothing at all.”

The second person to make me cry was Max. Out of everyone, he was probably my best friend at this point. We had spent so much time together, out drinking, dancing, holed up in my hotel room with trays of room service, movies on the tv. He had been there through one of the most terrifying, exhilarating, strange summers of my life. We were bonded forever, now. I could feel it.

He was helping me check in while Sam and Ronnie headed to drop off our baggage. They were all just planning on hanging for the extra hour until it was time to check in for their flight. I was grateful they all wanted to sacrifice the time for me. To them, though, I knew it was second nature.

Some people made it easy, loving me.

I shook away the thoughts because the attendant was handing me my ticket. She reiterated boarding time, twenty minutes from now, and wished me a safe flight. “Thank you,” I nodded before turning back to Max.

The tall blonde was watching me. I could tell he was on the verge of tears from just the way that his shoulders shrugged forward. It made my heart swell, knowing how much of an impact I had had on them.

He tried to straighten up as I looked him in the eye. Then, he opened his mouth to say something. I threw myself into his arms before he could. Hugging me tight, Max brushed a hand down the back of my head.

“Oh, sweet, lovely angel. I am going to miss you so.”

I didn’t need to hear anything else to start crying into his chest. Max felt the rock of my shoulders and sniffled into my hairline. “Don’t start, love. I won’t be able to stop, myself,” he chuckled shortly.

We stood like that for a few minutes, maybe more, before I stepped back. I rubbed my eyes on the inside of my sweatshirt, knowing my face was flushed and probably swelling. Max touched his fingers to my wrists and gently brushed aside my hands. He took in my visage, so delicately, and sighed. “Can I just say…”

“Oh, no!” I exclaimed through a sob. More tears fell.

Max rubbed my shoulders, “No, no, no, love. It’s okay. No more tears, okay? We’ll be okay. Just…I just want- I need to tell you how important you are. I know you’re going to go home and things are going to start to settle and you’re going to start to think so many things about yourself. You are so easy to love, Daisy. It is like breathing to me, to Ronnie, to Sam, Sasha. It is breathing. And you are worthy of it, too. That’s all. I just…I just needed to tell you, okay?”

I didn’t say anything else. I just whimpered and pulled him in closer to me.

Sam was the worst.

Since the evening before, when I had broken down in his arms and told him, through my blubbering, a short synopsis of what had happened, we hadn’t spoken much. I didn’t know if it was simply because we didn't have enough time. But, I was feeling worse because of it.

I needed my big brother more than anybody else. Sam knew me better than anybody else, even if we hadn’t been around each other as often as we used to. He still understood me. We shared the same blood, for God’s sake.

Yet, as we sat there, in the waiting area of my plane’s gate, he didn’t even look at me. He stared down at the floor, hands folded in his lap. He sat across from Ronnie, Max, and I, making it known that he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. When he first sat there, the aisle a wide gap between us, I furrowed my brows. But, then, Ronnie and Max striked up some topic that I invested myself and my attention into.

It didn’t seem like that big of a deal until they called for me. I stood up, faster than I should’ve, to be honest, and began to gather my things. Phone, bag, jacket, passport. I ran the list over in my head, three times over.

All the while, Sam slowly stood, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and watched his feet as he scuffed his sneakers across the carpeted floor.

I passed my eyes over him for a moment, holding my breath. Surely, my brother would have something to say to me.

He didn’t make a move.

I began walking the short distance to my gate. Before I moved to get in line, though, I turned back to my friends. Max jumped for a hug first, barely allowing me enough time to fully settle back on my heels. I dug my feet into the ground to gain traction as his ginormous body came toppling into my arms. Ronnie joined in the hug yet struggled to toss her arms over Max’s tall frame. He adjusted as we all shared a laugh and tucked her in beside me.

He called over his shoulder, voice muffled, “Get in here, Sam-Ham!”

I heard my brother elicit a laugh. It felt refreshing to hear. Then, I felt the hug grow tighter as he joined in on Max’s other side. We didn’t stay like that for long. It was stuffy and I wasn’t getting much air.

So, I tapped Max’s back and said, “Alright. Let me go.”

I gave individual hugs to everybody, voicing my own grateful, somewhat short, goodbyes.

Then, I turned to my brother. He evaded my eye contact for a moment or two. Then he pulled me in. Tight.

Out of nowhere, “I’m sorry if he ruined your summer.”

Tensing up from the words, the mention of him, I slowly pulled back from Sam’s embrace. He held onto my back, sort of cradling me. The guilt lying in his eyes was far worse than anything I’d ever seen flash across his face. My own gaze softened from the taut expression it had anxiously contorted to.

“What?” I breathily inquired, unsure if I had heard him correctly, saddened that he was obviously carrying so much hurt from my stupid mistakes. “Why? Sam, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, Daz, I just…” Sam’s arms fell from around me. I missed the warmth as soon as the chill of the vast room settled in around my sweatshirt. He ran a veiny hand across his forehead, “I'm supposed to be there for you. Protect you. And I already suck at the first part.”

“Sam,” I grasped his wrist, slipping his fingers between my hands. “It’s not your fault. It’s…honestly, if my summer was ruined, it was because of my own shitty decisions. Besides, you don’t suck at being there for me. I can’t believe you would even think that!”

I clasped his hand tight between mine, brows furrowed. To hear him blame himself, to hear him look this way…This whole summer, I had spent my time obsessing over somebody who didn’t even want me. I should have paid more attention to my brother, who was part of the reason I was here in the first place.

The farther I got from the start of this journey, literally and figuratively, the blurrier my original dreams became. There was no meaning to find here- only what was already there.

The thought made me lick my lips in nervous realisation.

Sam let out a frustrated, breathy chortle. “Don’t give me so much credit. I’ve been…gone. Running away from home. For so long. Worried about getting out of that apartment and town and away from…from anything that could remind me of her. Remind me of mom. I left you behind in the process.”

The wetness in my eyes began to pour over. “Oh, Sam,” my lips trembled out as I dove back into his arms. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, holding onto him as though an airplane would dive down and pull him away. I needed this. This kind of hug. This moment.

Clarity was nearer than ever before.

“Listen,” I pulled back, “I need you to understand, okay? My summer was not ruined. It wasn’t. This entire experience has been the most amazing, wonderful, awesome, cool time. I got to spend so much time getting to see you, getting to see your world. And, don’t ever blame yourself for getting away. You had to. I see it now- You had to come be a part of this wonderful band, go with them on all of their amazing tours. I see it on your face, Sam. This is what you’re supposed to do, okay? My mistakes are my own. Not yours.”

“I just…” Sam stared at the floor for a moment, tongue quick to go and defend his original claim But he paused and let the information process. “I…I just wish I could punch him in the face or something. What a douche. Dragging you into his mess. I should’ve known, too. The way he treated you- it was so obvious. For that, I am sorry, Daisy. I should’ve said something. Honestly,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I should beat his ass.”

Max and Ronnie, who had been trying to make it appear as though they were not eavesdropping, laughed at the last line. I opened up Sam and I’s moment by taking a step back. I gave them space to join us here. Ronnie clasped Sam’s hand and rested her head on his shoulder, “As funny as that would be, he is still your boss. And your bandmate,” she nodded to Max.

The tall blond rolled his eyes with a scoff, “Don’t worry. I’ll try to keep it civil.”

It was my turn to scold. I punched Max in the shoulder to gain his eye contact, “Don’t try. Just do it. He’s not a bad person. He just…sucks. A little bit.”

Talking about him, living in the truth of the situation, confronting all the dark realizations- it was a heavy weight to bear. I felt my shoulder slinking forward, as though I were Atlas with the dark, cloudy sky above me. Though I didn’t want to be rid of these three, I needed to be gone already. I needed to go before it all came crashing down again. I didn’t want anybody else to see me cry again. It was…embarrassing, to say the least.

So, I allowed one last hug from each of them and then turned towards my gate. I boarded the plane, mindlessly, going through all of the motions. Like I was used to leaving, like I was good at it. Like I was strong. But, I felt weak. I felt heavy and sad and angry and…

The city was gray. I remember it being sunny, summer-weather, though there had been a chill in the air. He always said it was. Maybe it always had been and I was…crazy. Wide-eyed. Desperate or naive or whatever.

But it was clear as day now, how dreary it looked from this airplane window. The wind whipped at the airline workers, shuffling luggage to their places, green vests billowing up. My breath fogged at the window which narrowed my pointed gaze. It seemed the plane was being pumped full of heat. I hadn’t realized it was that cold outside.

I guess fall was coming.

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your reminder to place your devices on airplane mode. We are approaching take-off,” a thick, European accent declared over the PA system.

I wrestled to retrieve my phone from my bookbag, which was squished in between my feet. When I was able to lift it towards me, the screen lit up. There was a buzz from the device that vibrated my hand then the appearance of a text message.

Oliver: Daisy, I need to tell you…

The message cut itself off, only the sneakpeek visible due to the system settings I had on my device.

It was ominous, though, like it had chosen to cut itself off there.

The tail end of that message could be- anything.

Daisy, I need to tell you…you’re a dumb bitch?

…I fucking hate you.

I love you?

Please, stay?

I don’t think I wanted to know.

My thumb hesitated over the screen, barely gracing it’s smooth glass. If I tapped on the message, if I saw what he said…would it change things?

Would it make me hate him even more?

Would it make me want to stay?

I didn’t want anything else to make my decisions anymore. I wanted to make my own choices, based on my own actions, thoughts. I was tired of living up to everybody’s image of me. If that was all I learned this summer, to be true to what I wanted, to be true to myself…then maybe this summer wasn’t so bad after all.

Maybe there had been something to find- maybe that something was me.

The shaking in my hands must’ve made the screen react to a ghost of my fingerprint. The option to scan my face ID came as soon as a flight attendant passed by my section, a bright smile on their face.

“Hi, friend! Did you put your device on airplane mode?” They asked with a slight gesture towards my phone.

I glanced back at the screen as she pointed. The message was open. That’s where it had ended, what Oliver had sent to me. “I need to tell you something.” But, he was still typing, still coming up with words to say.

My hands moved quickly, sliding down the menu and thumbing the airplane option. If he were still typing, I couldn’t see it anymore.

And any messages he may try to send would go green, undelivered, lost.

Forgotten, in the skies, somewhere between London and Germany, during the beginning of a cold, cold autumn.

[grandline-fics]

id like to request something - desperate kiss prompt with kid💗 love how you write him hihi

DESCRIPTION: Prompt: Desperate Kiss

WARNINGS: none

CHARACTERS: Kid

WORDS: 822

A/N: Thank you for the request! I also didn't realise it's Kid's birthday until I was finishing this. I hope you like what I came up with for Kid and this particular prompt

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

DIRECTORY | PROMPT LIST

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Kid was always so self-assured, confident to the point some would call it arrogance. He was a true pirate, he wasn’t going to just roll over and let someone else take something he wanted. He also wasn’t going to just give up on pursuing something he wanted because someone was there first. Life was too short in his eyes to live anything but how he wanted and he did it unapologetically. Kid thought he was unshakable and never considered himself capable of hesitation. Then you had to come along and throw a wrench into his perception and the worst part? You had no idea what you did to him and with every passing moment of being around you he felt like he was slowly losing grip on the situation and going mad. 

On the calm, dark waters the Victoria Punk idly sailed through Kid had settled into his watch for the night. Knowing how bored Kid could get you decided to join him at least for a little while. To pass the time you shared a drink and idly chatted, mostly reminiscing about past adventures and tavern brawls. Which led you to talk about the most recent trip on shore that had gotten out of hand. 

“That poor guy didn’t have a clue what was happening.” You laughed with a small shake of your head. “Did you really have to punch him with your metal hand though?”

“Why not? Fucker had it coming.”

“Maybe it was the drink I had that night but I can’t remember him really doing anything to warrant a fight until everyone got involved.” You tired to focus your memory but still nothing came to mind. “I mean one minute he was boasting about his own crew then you appeared.”

“You forgot the part he tried to recruit you to his crew.” Kid explained and you gasped, reaching out to grab Kid’s arm as the memory sharpened. 

“That’s right!” You laughed, how could you have forgotten? Then you grinned broadly. “Were you scared I’d be sweet-talked into switching crews?”

“Don’t be a moron.” Kid scoffed, doing nothing to move away from your touch. “I wasn’t letting some nobody think he could take what’s mine.” Your smile stretched at Kid’s choice of words. You were part of the crew long enough to interpret what he’d been trying to say. You were his crew, a member of his family and he was a very possessive person and violently protective of the things that were important to him. To think his motivations went beyond looking out for a member of his crew wasn’t even in your mind to consider. 

“That’s what makes you the best Captain there is.” You smiled before finishing your drink. With a sigh you got up from your seat, taking his empty mug into your hand as well. Kid watched you carefully, his mouth falling into a scowl as he realised you were turning in for the night and he still had a handful of hours to endure a boring watch. You spotted his sour expression and mistook it for the earlier topic of conversation. Playfully you rolled your eyes and leaned down, pressing a kiss against your Captain’s forehead. “Promise I’m not going anywhere Captain. Stop worrying okay?”

You smiled and as much as you wanted to head straight to bed, you instead began to head for the kitchen to leave off the mugs you’d both been drinking from. The last thing you wanted was a lecture from Killer about the deck being left in a mess needlessly. Behind you, you could have sworn you heard Kid mutter ‘fuck this’ and thought he was cutting the rest of his watch short because of of how quiet it was. It wasn’t the first time he’d done something like that so it wasn’t entirely unexpected. What was unexpected though was when you heard his rushed footsteps drawing closer. As you reached for the door to the galley you were sharply turned and your back pushed against the solid wooden door. “Kid, what the-”

Before you could finish your question, Kid’s hand secured itself against your hip and his lips pressed hungrily and eagerly against yours. Fuelled purely by the desperate need for you to see him as more than just a Captain and desperate for you to finally see how he felt about you he couldn’t help but act the way he had. Against your lips, his arrogant grin crept in when he heard you drop the mugs in your hands as your mind caught up to what was happening. As the clattered loudly against the floor, you grabbed his arm and the back of his neck, returning the kiss at last with equal need. Inwardly he berated himself for doubting himself and hesitating making a move, because had he known kissing you would be like this he would have done this a long time ago.

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[volturissideslut]

Can you do one with george weasley based on But Daddy I love him by Taylor swift

𝕲𝖊𝖔𝖗𝖌𝖊 𝖂𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖑𝖊𝖞

George and ced are two of my fav boys

"Now I'm running with my dress unbuttoned"

Literally. Georges hand clasps at yours desperately as you two bolt down the hallways in fits of giggles. Your faces flush red as you finally make it to his dorm successfully - at least you thought so. Little did you know that professor Snape was well and truly ticked, fed up, and ready to end your antics. He sat at his dest with quil in hand writing a letter home. You and George just lie there in his bed, chattering away, and him roping you into his next silly little scheme

"Screaming "But Daddy I love him!""

Your fathers' response letter didn't tak lone to reach you at all, absolutely at his wit's end, and adamant you leave George in the past and 'grow up'. Back and forth back and forth your letter went, telling him you love George and can't leave him. Ever so the traditionalist, he demands you marry wealth and should look for a partner with better prospects - someone suited for the ministry perhaps. George kisses the back of your neck and you put the letter down.

"I'm having his baby"

But it's summer break now so your forced to go home. Your last year is done and so you don't have the safety of the walls of Hogwarts to protect that spark we call love anymore. You're isolated from George really, ntil one day you blurt out your pregnany. Then your father's song and dance changed, saying you must marry George this instant and not have a baby out of wedlock. You finally see George, but the visit to the burrow is an awkward one with Molly staring at you how she is. Your man just takes you into his arms, glad your back.

"No, I'm not, but you should see your faces"

Georges family are the only people you tell that it was a lie for your freedom, and most of them are relieved, yes. But it ignites something within George, a want he never knew he had, to have you in his own home for him to look after. His business is going well, children loving 'Weasleys Wizard Wheezes', and he uses the money to get you a quaint little flat in London. You help out at the shop sometimes, interviewing for jobs you studied for other times, but little do you know the world grows suspicious.

"I'm telling him to floor it through the fences"

It's not long until your family and the rest of the world found out you told a lie, but with the pre-paid for wedding in a week you were holding out hope that things could still go smoothly. Not so much the case, as your father's and families' recent appearances would suggest. George reaches for a knife from the draw to cut a carrot, the both of you working on dinner together. It's a peaceful bliss, spending time with the one you love. Little chatter fills the air, from him still flirting with you to the both of you testing out awful pick up lines and jokes. He breaks the peace, only for a moment, and asks 'what if we eloped?'

"No, I'm not coming to my senses"

You put down the wooden spoon, and nod with a gentle 'okay'. Words fail you at the moment so you settle for lunging forward into his embrace. Georges arm's wrap around you and pull you tight.

"I know he's crazy but he's the one I want"

First thing in the morning he puts on his suit, and watches longingly as you get all dolled up for him in the mirror. You two get there before it even opens, and by 9:25 on the 18th on March you're legally married. And sure, you'd still have your celebration or 'proper wedding' in a weeks time, but now you were safe to call him yours forever, and nobody could get between that, not a soul. You have a few drinks, and yes it's the morning but you just married so who cares! It's time to celebrate. But them you're right back at home, in your little London flat, George above you and kissing down the nape of your neck. "You ready for some fun, Mrs. Weasley?"

[lotus-slumbers]

Interactive Yandere! Fae Story [INTRODUCTION/START]

Yandere! King Fae Husbands x Darling! GN Reader

Content Warnings: yandere, kidnapping, death.

Author note: Trying something new! What wins the poll will be the next part posted. 💜

Arathorn was lovestruck. If he was any less of the man he was, he would've been down on his hands and knees, begging for you. He stood in earnest, the cold expanse of this unnatural world dividing you both. His stance was strong, even here; the gateway between the human world and the Feywild. Unkind and unloving, nothing could grow here and survive but they had crossed the threshold before and it hadn't shaken them. Perhaps they couldn't feel the crushing weight of this plane the same way that you could, smothering beneath it.

This was your only chance back to the moral, human world. All you had to do was throw yourself back into the starry waves that covered the wall and hope you didn't drown underneath them, that it was the portal you had sought after in this labyrinth. Your life relied on the riddles of creatures you could have never imagined to exist before— and the hope that you had solved their riddles right.

"We have reordered nature, we've turned the world upside down and we have done it all for you. Just fear us, love us, do as we say," Arathorn crooned, eyes beseeching, tearing through any barriers you could have put between you both to protect from them. You, he saw you completely, in absolute undress. How much closer to the gaze of God could you be? 

Iliphar spoke then, finishing his counterpart's sentence. His hand outstretched to your own, becking you to cross the distance to them. "And we will be your slave. Anything you want."

The promise of their world is in your hands. It was an authentic promise, they would let you have it all, anything, as long as you stayed near and kept close underneath them. Obeyed them and never strayed. A life of prosperity, of more of anything than you could have imagined, in a place more rich in wonder than your world. Once, it had seemed a small cost for such a thing. Daydreams of it in your struggling, mundane life, far before you had been snatched away in the night by them like a helpless maiden in an old fairytale. Had they replaced you with another as well, so that nobody would come looking for you? A wild changeling, leaving nothing but madness behind for your loved ones. 

Even if you returned, could you live with the maddening knowledge of their world? With nobody who would believe you except the outcaste and the crazy, who you couldn't be brought to believe a single word from yourself? Once, you'd heard a story from your grandmother about the same thing. A young woman went missing, only to reappear years later, in the same clothes she'd been wearing the day of her disappearance and not seeming to be aged a day. Gone mad, her death hadn't been long after her return. Would that be you, if you even survived the trip back?

Besides, you've seen the extent of their power. You're seeing it now, as they stand in this place right in front of you without so much as a shiver or sweat. They wouldn't let you go, they would go back in after you again and again if they had to. They already called you their spouse and to the end of all ends was their vow to you.

Their pleading was nothing more than a courtesy.

A/n: The poll is up for three days. I hope you enjoyed this little drabble and look forward to more, as well as some requests that I've had in my inbox being finished up soon. Sorry for the wait, life is a rollercoaster. 💜

Production guide (from an illiterate woman, god be with ye)

Arathorn - Uh-ruh-a-thorn OR AARRah-TH-RN

Iliphar - L-uh-far OR ill-uh-far

Or whatever you make up in your head while reading. That's valid too.

[forevfangirlwrites]

Hey!!! I just wanted to start out by saying how much I love your work!! I look forward to everything you put out!! I was rereading the original how to handle fame, and there was one part where Jason said that Annabeth said she didn’t hate it when she told him about her interaction with Percy. I’m just curious to know how that conversation went between Annabeth and Jason. I can only imagine how Jason responded 😂

“Annabeth, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Jason says as soon as he picks up the call. She shakes her head at his antics, leaning back into her couch.

“Are you busy?” she asks, ignoring his statement.

“I’ve got some time before the next scene and I’d prefer not to engage in a conversation with the producer walking this way, so please,” he replies, fervently.

Annabeth smiles. “I guess I’ll save you.”

“Appreciated,” Jason jokes back. “So what’s up?”

What is up…honestly, she’s not sure why she’s calling about it. It could have been a text and there’s not really too much to say other than the fact the barista from Cali’s Café has not left her mind all day. (And she isn’t going to say that because she’s aware it sounds a little insane.)

“I checked out the café you told me about,” she starts slowly.

“Oh, awesome! Did you like it? The coffee is good and the place is lowkey, right?”

“Yeah, the coffee was good.” She pauses, unsure of what to say next. Does she ask about Percy? What could Jason even tell her?

“Why am I sensing a but? Was the service not good? I always have the guy, Percy, and he’s super chill. Not sure how the other employees are.”

“I met Percy,” she says. The picture of his face and sea-green eyes comes clearly to her mind the moment his name is spoken.

“What happened?” Jason asks, clearly sensing that something had, in fact, happened.

But really, nothing had happened. Sure he’d been awkward, endearingly so, but very sweet and had made great coffee.

No, he hadn’t done anything wrong. She is the problem.

“Nothing,” she replies. “He was awkward but it was cute. He forgot to charge me and said my coffee was on the house when I brought it up.” A smile surfaces as she remembers his cheeks getting red.

“Really? My order has never been on the house.” She suspects Jason might be frowning.

Chuckling, she replies. “Guess he like me more.”

“Are we in competition over a barista?” Jason asks and she imagines him raising an eyebrow at her.

She pulls the blanket closer to her chest and re-settles herself.

“No,” she replies easily. “I’ve already won.”

“Rude,” he jokes, before his tone turns serious. “I’m sorry if you were uncomfortable though. Honestly, he handled Thalia very well so I thought it would be alright.”

“Not at all!” She rushes to explain. “I was not uncomfortable, it was good and I’ll be going back.”

No Percy had not made her feel uncomfortable, just…intrigued. In the way that she wants to go back and see him again.

“Okay good, I’m glad to hear that. I’ll be going tomorrow morning anyway—oh, they’re calling me, gotta go.”

“Yep, talk to you later,” she says, as she hangs up the phone. She stares at the black tv screen she has yet to turn on.

So Jason is going tomorrow? Maybe she should tag along…just to see how Percy is with Jason. It’s for science really, nothing more than that.

READ MORE ON how to handle fame and headcanons

A/N: Thank you so much for the prompt! I decided to add it to how to handle fame and headcanons as a little drabble, hope you enjoyed! I appreciate your support for the series! Thanks again!

[affableramen]

I’m sorry that I’m going to raise once again discussion on Pantalone. It’s not because he’s my favourite character apparently, but because I have thoughts on him

I think we can all agree that his wealth and economic movement (let’s speak bluntly) is built on people’s blood and bones. It’s pretty obvious and quite on the surface when he himself says ‘The Northland bank true currencies are blood and tears’ but for me, I never took this quote to notice until I started searching and learning his character. Yes, what he says pretty much depicts how his management and life-long decisions work out, and I may be telling ridiculously evident things now. But since 1, 2 or even 3 people are waiting for my consistent comments on him I’m ready to repeat things that someone already knows about.

It would be extremely realistic (but also ironic) if in the end he would be the one to have the taste of his poor, rotten even ideas of domineering and grasping wealth in his hands. I’d really want to see his world crumble in front of his eyes as it’s (for me) the only good way his story could end. Pretty much his character development or even a redeemable arc could be based upon him losing something he has been working on for 300+ years. But, let’s not forget (and forgive him) for horrible things he’s done, like trying to assassinate Tianshu who has done nothing to harm Pantalone personally and has never deserved what he did to him. I noticed that his anger and hatred spreads even to people who are not guilty before him and this is saddening. His hatred is very unhealthy which should be properly explained but never justified because the bad things he has done is enough. He’s not a good person whatsoever but a possibility of redemption arc is solid. It could either be about him losing his everything once obtained or a drastic measure that changes his personality all through – I can’t say either which one it will be since I have just as much information as you do.

In Chinese version of Arle’s voiceover on him there is a word ��loathe” which I like very much, as it depicts his entire arrogant, self-centred personality, only interested in vengeance and cultivating those negative emotions and experiences he had. Sadly with Genshin unsatisfying writing right now I do not have hopes for his story to be extremely daunting or attractive even, but I just shared my thoughts on him, maybe some will feel strongly, or maybe not.

[marjoch]

FUTILE DEVICES

Jayce & Viktor attend a networking event. When Viktor leaves to catch his breath, he returns to find Jayce conversing with Mel. Viktor has a claim to stake.

“Are you ready?”

Dead of winter, Piltover. Partners in science Jayce and Viktor had been preparing for a networking event that occurred in the evening. Already dressed up, the pair of them had met in the lab to agree on any details they wanted to share with the people they would meet.

Jayce was the one who asked the question, walking alongside Viktor as they drew closer to the grand ballroom where the event was hosted. Viktor was hoping to stay by Jayce’s side most of the night, already overthinking the possibilities of conversation topics that could arise. “Ready,” was his simple response.

The doors were open, and someone was manning it. Viktor took note of the enforcers on either side of the entrance. Jayce was more focused on getting inside. He was immediately greeted by someone Viktor didn’t recognize, assumedly a diplomat or a politician.

“Jayce Talis! It’s been too long.”

“You could say that again,” was the response. Viktor took the moment to look around the ballroom. He’d been in here before, briefly, years prior. He’d never seen it in this context, hosting an event of this scale. The lights were bright overhead, illuminating a crowd twice the size he expected. Then again, he hadn’t been sure what to expect.

A hand on his back brought him back to the conversation. “—and this is my partner, Viktor,” Jayce was introducing.

The stranger extended a hand to Viktor, who shook it.

Jayce continued on. “We’ve got a lot of people to talk to, but hopefully we can reconnect before the night is over. We have some breakthroughs I’d love to share.”

“I look forward to it,” said the stranger. Viktor had missed his name in his distraction, and it was too late to ask, especially now that the stranger was walking away.

Jayce looked to Viktor. “Doing okay?”

Viktor wasn’t sure how aware Jayce was of his hesitations to be here, so he nodded. “Of course.”

They moved on. Jayce was having a great time gliding through the ballroom, stopping to speak to every face he recognized, introducing Viktor and explaining their work to whomever inquired. On the other hand, Viktor was holding it together being dragged from place to place and remembering far too many names to count.

At some point between ten and fifteen various conversations, Viktor was faltering. He was growing tired of moving around, his chest felt tight from anxiety, and he was counting the minutes until it was over. As Jayce said goodbye to someone and immediately waved at another from across the room, Viktor remained still. “Jayce.”

His partner turned to him, attentive.

“I’m going to find a bathroom. You go on.”

Jayce nodded, touching Viktor’s shoulder. “Okay. Come find me when you’re done?”

Viktor mirrored his nod. Jayce went his own way, drifting through the sea of bodies. Viktor watched him go, then turned around, heading out of the crowd.

The noise was worse without Jayce around. The constant talking, a hundred voices layered over one other in a horrible symphony. He’d never liked events like this. He’d gone to just one before, as Heimerdinger’s assistant, and he left early. This wasn’t something he could escape, though — he didn’t want to leave Jayce alone.

There was one thing he did know about this place, and it was where to find the bathroom. He’d ventured to it several times during the night he was here before, finding it was the best escape from the volume of the main ballroom. Right outside the bathroom was the perfect safe space: a comfortable bench up against the marble wall, shrouded by plants. It was almost a secret hideaway, one he’d hoped he wouldn’t have to return to.

Now that he had, he found a seat and rested his head back. The ceiling was just as ornate as the floors, etched with gold. He breathed, counting the seconds like he’d been coached by a kind stranger once upon a time. Within a few moments, the pain in his chest slowly subsided, and his heart rate returned to normal.

Feeling better was one thing. Returning to the event was another. He remained in his hiding spot until it was invaded by an excitable couple who decided mingling was second to doting on each other.

He set on finding Jayce, then. It was easier said than done, on account of Jayce’s constant movement. Viktor admired his ability to participate in conversation despite his introversion. Jayce told him once it was easier to behave extrovertedly in a professional setting, but Viktor wasn’t sure if he thought that was true.

Finally! On a balcony at the back of the room, Viktor spotted him. He made a beeline for Jayce, avoiding eye contact with anyone else to prevent from being stopped. As he got closer, he could see that Jayce was in the middle of a conversation with one person Viktor did recognize: councilor Mel Medarda.

Truth to be told, there was no reason for Viktor to dislike her. She carried herself with grace, she spoke with dignity, she even helped their cause in the past. She was a supporter of their work, and she’d done nothing to wrong Viktor in any way. Viktor had many thoughts on the matter, one of them being that he got the impression she supported Jayce, not the both of them.

Regardless of how true or untrue his assumptions were, he was behaving as if they were fact. He didn’t like the idea of someone taking up Jayce’s attention in the way she did. Viktor saw the way he looked at her, the way he spoke about her when she wasn’t around. It was everything he desired for himself.

Arriving at the scene, Viktor interrupted. “Councilor,” he nodded in her direction, acknowledging her presence without any further conversation. He stood close to Jayce, close enough for their shoulders to touch if either of them swayed.

Jayce looked at his partner, and smiled. “I’m glad you’re back. I was just telling Mel about our discoveries with hextech.”

So not only were they on a first-name basis, but Jayce was sharing information they hadn’t told anyone else. At this point in time, their innovations with hextech were concepts, something they’d barely given a name. They had not discussed disclosing this when they debriefed earlier.

He played it off well enough. “What did you think?” Viktor asked Mel.

“I think it has potential,” was her response. She never took her eyes off of Jayce, save for a fleeting glance. Viktor wasn’t unaware of the way she tended to look at Jayce when she was speaking to the both of them. “It’s ambitious, but don’t most important discoveries start off as such?”

Jayce opened his mouth to speak, but not before Viktor got a word in. “Ambition is the driving factor of all sociological improvements. Without it, these projects would never make it past the drawing board.”

Jayce looked back to Viktor. Viktor’s gaze remained trained forward, not looking away from Mel, who seemed focused on Jayce. Therefore it was a triangle of attention: confusion, tension, and intrigue, respectively.

“What my partner means to say is that we’re dedicated to this. We’ve spent countless hours getting to the point where we can share this with you, and will continue doing so to maintain your support.”

“You impressed me from the beginning, Jayce Talis,” was Mel’s response. “If not with wits, then with determination.” She moved forward, and Jayce made space between him and Viktor for her to pass. On her way through, she put a hand on Jayce’s shoulder. “I’m always willing to hear about your discoveries. You know where to find me.”

She disappeared behind them. Both of them watched her go, Jayce mesmerized, and Viktor irritated. Due to his detachment of her character, he ended up looking at Jayce before his partner was finished watching her silhouette blend into the crowd.

“Jayce.”

That earned his attention. “Viktor. What was that?” He sounded as irritated as Viktor felt.

“I should ask you the same,” was Viktor’s quick response. “We never agreed to share these findings with anyone yet. You didn’t even mention it to me.”

“It just came out,” Jayce argued. “If anyone should know, it’s her. She’s an asset as an ally.”

“You assume,” Viktor snapped. “Science is valuable. There are those who wish to capitalize off of-”

“You think Mel would do that?”

Viktor rolled his eyes. “I think Councilor Medarda has motivations, like everyone else.”

Jayce sighed loudly. “I don’t understand why you don’t like her.”

“It’s not that I don’t like her, I just…” Viktor trailed off as two other people walked out on the balcony, seeking a quieter place to converse. He shook his head. “We can finish this conversation later.”

“We can finish it now. I’m done here, if you’re ready to go.”

Viktor had no complaints, and no further words until they were outside. He took the lead this time, guiding them back out through the crowd. Once they were out the front doors, he confessed, “I was just waiting until you wanted to leave.”

“Sorry,” Jayce said, more sarcastic than genuine. Viktor knew it was because both of them understood this event was necessary to make connections that could further their research, and garner more support from the outside.

“I’m going back to the lab,” was Viktor’s next response.

Jayce raised an eyebrow. “Now? It’s late.”

“And there’s work to be done,” Viktor said.

“You should get some sleep.”

“You don’t have to come with me.”

Jayce, of course, was going with him. The rest of their walk was silent, with Jayce racking his brain to make sense of Viktor’s reaction at the event, and Viktor imagining what it would be like to have Jayce on his side all the time. When they arrived at the lab, Viktor wasted no time getting to work.

Jayce couldn’t comprehend Viktor’s level of determination. Each time he thought Viktor would hit his limit, reach a point where he needed sleep, falter in his pacing of problem-solving… he was proven wrong. Now was no exception.

“Will you pass me my notes?” requested Viktor, standing in front of the board.

Jayce obliged, but was far more focused on the subject they’d left hanging. “Why don’t you like Mel?”

Viktor looked over his notes, facing the board but reading through them. Conversing while he was working was an easy multitask for him. He’d mastered it since starting to work with Jayce. “Why do you like her?”

He refused to call her by her first name. They were not close enough for him to earn the right, and he wasn’t going to do it behind her back. Plus, speaking her name invoked an additional awareness of the fact that she existed, and the mere thought was grating on Viktor’s nerves.

Jayce scoffed, but the prolonged silence before his answer spoke for itself. “I told you, she’s an asset as an ally, and she’s one of the only supporters we have on the council.”

“That’s not true,” Viktor said, turning. “Heimerdinger knows of our work, and waits for a demonstration. A goal we should be working towards.”

“A goal we are working towards,” Jayce spoke. Viktor hated the conviction in his voice. Well, he loved it, in another context. Now, it seemed like they were in a silent battle: Yes Mel versus No Mel. It was a position Viktor didn’t enjoy being in.

“Okay,” said Viktor, looking back at his notes and facing the board again.

Jayce sighed, watching him. “Viktor.”

“Hm?” Viktor was feigning focus on the notes, completely distracted by his blood boiling at the very thought of Jayce with another. Not fazed, Jayce walked over and took the notebook out of his hands.

“Jayce.” Viktor’s tone was clearly irritated, a reflection of his internal feelings.

“Come on, you have to talk to me. We’re partners.”

“Are we?” said Viktor. He was asking with the intention of suggesting they were partners in more than a scientific sense, but it flew over Jayce’s head, as most of Viktor’s suggestions of this sort did.

Jayce looked confused. While he spent seconds thinking about Viktor’s insinuations, Viktor took the notebook back and started working. Finally, Jayce had a question. “In what sense?”

Viktor close the notebook. “Asking real questions now.” He faced Jayce. “Do you like her?”

Jayce just laughed, but Viktor could tell he was nervous. That gave him the answer he needed, and he pushed the notebook to Jayce’s chest, turning back to the board.

“Take notes for me.”

Jayce hurried back to the desk. His immediate obedience earned Viktor’s gaze, but only when his back was turned. Viktor had been supposedly working the whole time when Jayce returned, pen in hand.

Viktor raised a hand to start solving the problem before them, one of many they’d had to work out. Jayce had the pen at the ready, prepared to write, when Viktor turned again. “You never answered my question.”

“Sure, I guess,” Jayce responded, almost afraid to admit the truth.

Viktor nodded. “Alright.”

Back to work. The back-and-forth was killing Jayce, who sighed loudly, a dramatic act. “I mean, she’s beautiful. She’s intelligent, and she’s an ally.”

“You have to stop using that word.” Viktor’s back was facing Jayce. “Ally.”

“It’s not untrue. She’s been there since the beginning, or did you forget she’s the reason we made it this far?”

“That doesn’t mean you have to fall in love with her,” said Viktor.

“As if love is a choice.”

Viktor agreed with that sentiment. There was no reason for him to find love in a science partner, someone who worked with him professionally. When he really thought about it, Jayce’s feelings for Mel were almost literarily equivalent to his for Jayce. It wasn’t something he wanted to admit unprompted, though. “You’re right about that.”

That gave Jayce some hope. Maybe Viktor had something going on with someone else, and seeing the ease between him and Mel was setting him off. “Who’s on your mind?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Viktor started to solve the problem, but then sighed in frustration and started over. His second try wielded worse results, if possible, and he tossed the chalk onto the ledge the board had at the bottom. Crossing his arms, he faced Jayce. “Does she like you the same?”

Jayce shrugged. “We haven’t really talked about it.”

Viktor nodded, looking at the floor, thoughts ruminating. His eyes met Jayce’s when he had something to say. “And there’s no one else on your mind?”

Jayce raised an eyebrow, oblivious as always.

Viktor was tired of waiting. Due to the proximity of Jayce’s dedication to document Viktor’s work, they were already close. He reached out for Jayce’s collar and pulled him closer.

He didn’t kiss him, yet. He only wanted Jayce to understand.

“Oh,” said Jayce, barely audible. Viktor could see the pieces falling together through the look in his eyes.

“Oh,” echoed Viktor, nodding. “I hate seeing you with her like that. I’m right here.”

With those words, Jayce made sense of it. “I think about it, too.”

He didn’t have the space to say anything else, because Viktor committed to the moment. Before Jayce could register Viktor moving, they were engaged in a brief kiss. Viktor didn’t want to drag him along until Jayce was sure, though, and this surety came in the form of a brief break.

Viktor looked up into Jayce’s eyes, and Jayce just gazed down at him. There was no thinking, just the attempt, and imminent lack thereof. In lieu of words, Jayce leaned back in, slow enough for Viktor to close the gap, which he did.

This kiss was much longer, and held deeper meaning. It was their first opportunity to explore each other, and they utilized it. Tongue on tongue, hands on arms, neck, hair, waist. Jayce tossed the notebook somewhere to their left to focus fully on Viktor, who was pleased to see that Jayce was equally intrigued by the prospect of furthering the depth of their relationship.

Jayce came up for air. Viktor had a steel grip on the back of his neck, asking a much-pondered question. “Do you dream about me?”

Jayce just laughed. It was a beautiful sound, but it didn’t answer his question. The truth was, Viktor had dreamt about Jayce for months. Each night when he fell asleep, he wished that Jayce would dream the same, just to make it even. It wasn’t fair for him to feel all the longing that could be split between them both. “Maybe.”

When Jayce leaned in for another kiss after that, Viktor leaned back. “Maybe?”

“Yes,” said Jayce, almost immediately. Viktor let him win, but the kiss was too short for Jayce, made clear by a disappointed huff when Viktor pulled away again.

That made Viktor smirk, just the slightest. He had a hold on Jayce, both physically and mentally. Viktor’s gaze wandered, from Jayce’s eyes to his lips, neck, even his chest, belt, before making their way back up again.

“Viktor,” Jayce said, a prompt that he was waiting.

“Jayce,” returned Viktor, allowing their short distance apart to fester. He wanted to see how long Jayce could go without engaging in another kiss.

In an effort to get Viktor to make the move, Jayce spoke his name again. “Viktor.”

Not giving up that easily, Viktor just smiled. “Jayce.”

That was all it took. Jayce’s hands found either side of Viktor’s face and pulled him in so hard that Viktor practically fell into him. Both hands up against Jayce’s chest, his cane clattered to the floor. Before his arms could reach up around Jayce’s neck for support, Jayce moved to grab his waist. “I’ve got you,” he murmured against Viktor’s lips, in-between the heated kiss.

Viktor could hardly repress a smile, knowing he had Jayce exactly where he wanted. Now that he was supported, he let his hands roam. There were so many things about Jayce to like, and one of them was his body, which Viktor had fantasized about more times than he would admit.

Lost in the moment, they continued on. They were voyagers in an unknown landscape, each of them discovering the other. At some point, Viktor’s urgency rivaled Jayce’s, and Jayce stumbled back. Before either of them knew what was happening, they were tumbling to the floor.

Jayce ended up underneath Viktor, both accidental and ideally strategic. He broke Viktor’s fall, an appreciated gesture, but hit his own head back on the ground. Viktor immediately put his hand upon the point of contact, cradling Jayce’s head from where he now laid on top of him.

“Are you okay?” Viktor asked.

“I’m okay,” Jayce reassured, before pulling Viktor’s face down to his lips.

Viktor adjusted his position, straddling Jayce and leaning down. Some minutes into their make-out, he interrupted. When he spoke, his lips touched Jayce’s, indicative of their closeness. “Is this uncomfortable? You’re on the floor.”

Jayce shook his head just the slightest, enough to emphasize his denial but not enough to separate them. “Are you comfortable?”

“I’m comfortable,” said Viktor.

“Good,” responded Jayce, initiating the kiss again.

God, it was everything he’d ever wanted. He couldn’t hide a moan of satisfaction if he wanted to, and upon hearing his affirmation, Jayce allowed his own. It was almost too much, turning Viktor from a scientist into something else entirely.

Jayce’s hands wandered, from Viktor’s face to his shoulders, eventually his waist, and even thumbs hooking into his waistband. Viktor let him, even allowing Jayce to go so far as to fiddle with the buttons that kept his pants together. When Jayce tried to undo it, Viktor stopped him, reaching for his hand.

“No,” Viktor said. “Let me do it.”

Jayce sighed, disappointed. The act earned another smile from Viktor, one that Jayce could feel against his lips.

“Unless you don’t want to,” Viktor remarked, knowing good and well what Jayce’s response would be.

“No, go on,” was the response. Viktor hesitated, one hand on Jayce’s cheek, the other halfway down his chest. The halt in motion made Jayce look up into Viktor’s eyes, and Viktor raised an eyebrow. Jayce sighed again, impatient. “Please?”

Viktor nodded, acknowledging the request, and kissed him again, letting his hand resume its path from Jayce’s chest to his belt. Before setting to work on it, he ventured even lower, feeling Jayce through his pants.

“God, Viktor,” Jayce groaned through their kiss.

“Shut up,” said Viktor, using his other hand to grasp Jayce’s chin, kissing him deeper than before. He wasn’t done messing with Jayce, continuing his quest to rile him up. When Jayce moaned again, he stopped all semblance of movement, save for their lips.

Jayce wasn’t amused, hips moving to try and simulate Viktor’s touch in its absence.

Viktor broke away from the kiss. “Jayce.”

“Viktor,” was the quick and breathless response. Viktor hid his excitability well, sitting up slightly and looking down at Jayce.

“Are you going to listen to me?”

Jayce nodded agreeably, and waited. When there was no response, he spoke. “Yes,” he acknowledged verbally. All it took was Viktor waiting for him to add, “Please.”

Viktor kissed him again, moving his hand, and then setting to work on Jayce’s pants. His shirt had to come untucked first, and Jayce did the same favor for him. Viktor got through the belt, into the pants Jayce was wearing, and paused again right before his hand made it all the way in. “You’re mine. Not hers.”

Jayce nodded again, urgently.

“Say it.”

“I’m yours, not hers,” Jayce said, without hesitation. “Only yours. Please, Viktor.”

Satisfied by that response, Viktor kissed him again, moving on. He liked to kiss Jayce through these moments, because it made it easier to tell exactly how Jayce felt. It was impossible to hide the hitches in his breath, the smallest slightest moans. Now was no different.

Viktor wanted him badly, but playing with Jayce was a kind of game. Seeing Jayce with Mel fueled some sort of animal in him, a possessive creature that was determined to stake his claim. This was his method.

His hands left Jayce, reaching down to work on his own pants. Jayce seems keen on helping, kissing Viktor fervently but moving his hands down to assist. Viktor paused his own efforts, pinning Jayce’s hands above him. “No,” he said again.

Jayce was frustrated at this point, shifting under him in an attempt to acquire the friction he missed.

Viktor laughed quietly. “You want me?”

Jayce sighed, almost irritated. “Obviously.”

Viktor just watched him. He didn’t have to say anything else to earn a response; the lack of action was enough.

“Please,” said Jayce, giving in. Whatever Viktor asked for in this moment, he would give him.

To be honest, Viktor had been the subject of Jayce’s dreams as much as it was the opposite. Jayce had awoken some mornings dazed, wondering how he could possibly go into the lab and face Viktor without any hints of what his mind imagined the night before. It was all irrelevant now that Viktor had him in this position.

Viktor listened to his pleads, making quick work of anything separating them. He touched Jayce carefully, slowly, paying attention to the way Jayce gasped, faltered, faced the ceiling in moments when he would otherwise be captivated by Viktor’s kiss. He leaned down to Jayce, bypassing his mouth for his ear while he was overcome. “Are you ready?” He whispered, a distant echo of Jayce at the beginning of the evening.

Jayce’s nod was all he required before Viktor continued to have the lead, guiding Jayce inside him, taking it slowly and exhaling in satisfaction while he adjusted. Jayce was louder than he was, much to Viktor’s amusement. They had yet to go further, and this is how he had him.

Slow but steady movements. Viktor was fully in control, and Jayce wasn’t raising any argument about it. If anything, he was in support, his hands finding Viktor’s hips.

Viktor’s hands were on Jayce’s chest, using him as a prop while he did the work for both of them. When Viktor could barely control his breathing, head thrown back skyward, Jayce thought he was the most captivating sight he’d experienced in his twenty-seven years of life.

At some point, one of Jayce’s hands reached up to Viktor’s face. His partner read his desire in the act, and leaned down to kiss him, elevating their experience. Each and every sound out of Jayce’s mouth was a part of the choir living in Viktor’s mind. He’d lived this before a hundred times in his dreams.

The near-silence in the room (apart from themselves) was imperceivable to either of them, each living their own symphony. Jayce could hardly believe his luck: this was the last thing he’d expected to occur, yet the first thing he’d desired.

On the other hand, Viktor could hardly believe this was the point they’d gotten to. He’d wanted Jayce for years, and to have heard his pleads not once, not twice, but quarce… he was almost pondering how many times he could get it out of him.

In his curiosity, Viktor broke the kiss, continuing the act they were partaking in without their lips touching. He hovered above Jayce, yet again pinning his arm above his head. The hand that was on his hip was fine to remain where it was, but anything beyond, he was determined to control in an attempt to hear Jayce again.

Jayce was already frustrated again by the restraint. It made Viktor more excitable, something Jayce would have noticed if he wasn’t so preoccupied with his own physical feelings.

Back to the game, as always. Viktor slowed their pace and leaned down, choosing to let go of Jayce’s arm, only to guide him back to his own hips. His lips lingered just above Jayce’s, close enough to touch within the constant motion. He purposefully kept them from connecting, and Jayce sensed it.

“Please, Viktor,” Jayce murmured.

Five times, then. Viktor gave into him, kissing him softly at first, intensifying it as he picked up the pace again. Jayce was bewitched, completely lost to anything apart from Viktor… just the way his partner wanted it.

The closer they got, the sweeter the kiss tasted. There was no scientific differentiation from the first kiss to now, apart from the feelings they shared for each other and the feelings they invoked through this behavior.

“You’re mine,” Viktor’s words were quiet against Jayce’s lips. “Not hers.”

“I’m yours,” Jayce responded, with a moan so loud that Viktor briefly considered the fact that they may be louder than intended. Who was nearby at this hour of the night, though? No one except for the two of them.

Viktor continued on, getting to the point where he couldn’t mess with Jayce anymore. The pleasure shared between them was too great for him to carry on. Jayce noticed this shift and moved his hand back up to Viktor’s face, brushing his thumb against his partner’s cheek.

Eyes closed, Viktor focused on keeping the motion going. His hand found Jayce’s on his waist, gripping his wrist tightly. He exhaled, heavy, and Jayce thought it was beautiful.

A slightly faster pace and opposite hand fully on Jayce’s chest steadied Viktor closer to the end he was bringing both of them towards. A minute or two into this, Jayce put both of his hands back on Viktor’s hips, assisting where Viktor wouldn’t let him before.

“Jayce,” Viktor began, about to complain about losing total control, but unable to get further than his partner’s name before an uncontrollable gasp interrupted his train of thought.

“Let me help,” Jayce insisted.

Those words alone brought Viktor back to the determination he’d had before. He was not about to give up on singlehandedly getting Jayce off, especially not after the dispute they’d had about Mel. He didn’t stop Jayce, but he maintained the pace, and therefore the control. He only faltered as he got close, leaning down to kiss Jayce again.

Jayce moaned against his lips, giving Viktor validation in his attempts. He could sense the end in sight and powered through, not letting up for a second. At some point near the finish line, Jayce gripped his hips tighter, and Viktor sensed the change. In an effort to prolong his own pleasure, he slowed the pace down.

“Viktor,” Jayce nearly immediately complained. “Please.”

Who was he to deny him? He returned to what he’d been doing before, much to Jayce’s approval. The obviously audible crescendo of sounds from Jayce was worth each moment leading up to this point. It wasn’t like he wasn’t getting off, either — he was having a great time, and he was on rhythm to finish with Jayce.

It worked out just as intended. Viktor felt himself nearing a climax and held out until he succeeded, hearing Jayce’s corresponding audible cue that he was also done. As if he couldn’t feel it.

When all was said and done, they were left with heavy breathing, shared sweat, and a laugh from Jayce as Viktor took a spot next to him on the floor. Viktor had a hand over his eyes, both shading from the light and from Jayce’s gaze. Jayce turned to watch him.

“You don’t have to worry about her,” he said.

Viktor turned to look at Jayce, then. “You don’t mean that.”

Jayce just smiled, reaching over to push a strand of hair out of Viktor’s face. “Whatever you want. I’m your partner.”

The look in Viktor’s eyes was some mix of satisfaction and disbelief, a feeling that getting what one wants often entails. There was comfort in knowing he’d achieved what he desired, but fear in the possibility of loss.

Jayce pulled him into an embrace, then, as much as an embrace as they could share on the actual floor. They didn’t have to exchange words to come to an agreement, one that Viktor couldn’t let live long before his own thoughts interrupted.

Viktor refastened his pants, sitting up and searching for his shirt, which was nearby. In his efforts to get rid of their clothing, the pile had remained close enough. “We should get some sleep.”

Jayce mirrored him, sitting up and hunting for the clothes he’d lost. He pulled them back on, but barely: the shirt unbuttoned, same with the vest he had been wearing, tie hung around his neck. No amount of disbelief could keep Viktor’s longing away.

Jayce stood, and picked up Viktor’s cane. Then and only then did he extend a hand to help his partner up, setting him up for success and support. Viktor was grateful despite his lack of explicit expression towards the matter.

“You can stay with me,” Viktor offered. He lived closer than Jayce, and he missed their closeness from before. “If you want.”

Jayce wanted. He nodded eagerly, and motioned to the door, prepared to follow Viktor out. Viktor led the way, abandoning the work he’d gone back to do. There was always tomorrow, right?

The pair of them individually sorted through their thoughts about the night. These ruminations came to a close when they made it to Viktor’s, laid down next to each other, and drifted to sleep. When Viktor woke, Jayce was holding him, just as he’d always envisioned to help him sleep during the rough nights.

[amoreemioo]

the call was heavy — heavier than he expected. which, you know, was saying something? seokmin came into the call expecting it to be hard, but he didn't think the call would come to a close with more questions than he went in with? like — if he would still have kaye in his life by the end of the week. aside from work, of course. but that's not what he meant — would kaye still be his.

and that's the question that kept him up all night. it's the question (one of the many) that had seokmin tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling, staring at his phone — he knew it wasn't going to go off, but he kind of wanted it to? what right did he have to text kaye first? he didn't. but — god. hence the tossing and turning! the last thing he needed to do was go reaching out and making a bigger mess of things, especially when they had plans made. plans for the morning. plans that were quickly (or slowly, depended how he looked at it) approaching.

his phone does eventually light up, but it's his alarm — and despite knowing this alarm was the first step towards his day with kaye, seokmin wasn't exactly jumping for joy. he had no idea what to expect for their meeting. or if kaye would even come —-

and he did. kaye did come. seokmin feels that ball of guilt (and spiking anxiety) growing for even thinking that kaye wouldn't come. and for thinking that maybe he himself should leave? he never would have done that, but the thought — he had the thought. it's the thought that was running through his mind as he sat at one of the tables towards the back of the cafe. one that was off to the side & out of the way but close enough to the entrance that he'd see kaye when he arrived. or that was the whole point of picking this spot — seeing when kaye got here so he could get up and meet him properly! or he would have if he wasn't lost in his thoughts like he had been? leaving the other to walk the whole way to him — god. it's like he was dropping ball after ball, huh? even if this was a much smaller ball in retrospect, still.

it had him pushing to stand with a drop of his head, "sorry —" it was said in a quick apology, but that didn't make it less real. not that it was a big thing — or a thing anyone but him cared about! still! but then kaye's asking about sleep, and seokmin's trying not to stare at him, and — or is he allowed to do that now? maybe a little? what was normal? he's doing the overthinking thing again, but he couldn't help it — either way! "oh, no, not really—" he's never been a liar ... aside from the obvious. he's sure sometimes things would slip out without thought, like saying he liked someone's cooking even if he didn't — but that was different! "my mind was too, uh — i don't know. busy?" heavy. full. upset. he was sure there were tons of options. "i hope you did, even just a little.." he was mimicking kaye in a sense, even if it was absentminded. like, he didn't purposefully copy his boyfriend by putting his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie once kaye was in front of him basically standing just like that, but he did. it was mostly so he could fiddle with his fingers safely in the confines of his pocket, but it did look like he was copying, huh? (overthinker!) then his attention drifted towards the front counter and the menu and he tried to focus. not that he really needed to, or anything, he just needed a second looking away from kaye's eyes to think. and stop staring. maybe take a breath and not freak out? he might freak out. and then what?! who did he go to?! he couldn't message boyfriend kaye, and — and he didn't have work kaye, either, so —-

he needed to stop thinking like that before he actually clammed up, or started rambling and scared kaye away. neither would be good, you know? "i usually, um," seokmin tipped his head to the side ever so slightly. "get an iced americano..." sometimes he liked a cold foam on top, sometimes not. it really just depended on the day. and he wasn't sure if he wanted a pastry or not? probably not since he'd have to take the mask off off. "what do you think?" and with that his gaze drifted back towards kaye, though not for long. eye contact wasn't his best skill, alright? he knew it, he tried to work on it and all, but — he'd catch himself staring, and then the eye contact, and — yeah, it was a mess. "my treat — my idea to meet up." and his fault it was so weird and messy, so, it only made sense.

"yeah,  the  cafe  sounds  good,"  kaye  agrees,  now  pretty  much  running  on  auto-pilot.  he  feels  half  out  of  his  body.  his  mind's  desperately  slamming  the  button  on  every  self-defense  mechanism,  including  disassociating.  but  kaye  fights  to  stay  anchored,  because  no  matter  how  much  this  hurts─  kaye  loves  seokmin.  he  wants  to  be  with  him  until  the  end  of  this  call.  they  settle  on  a  time  to  meet.  even  share  the  address  link  of  the  cafe  just  in  case.  there's  a  lull  in  the  conversation.  that  void  makes  kaye's  heart  fall  even  deeper  into  cold,  harrowing  darkness.  sure,  they've  had  quiet  moments  during  calls  in  the  past.  but  they  were  always  comfortable.  now  this  feels . . . strange.  stilted.  painful.  "i'll  see  you  tomorrow,  seokmin.  good-night."  he's  about  to  hang  up.  takes  a  breath.  holding  back  tears,  kaye  whispers,  "i  love  you."  soon  as  the  call  ends,  a  sob  cuts  through  the  air.

kaye  doesn't  sleep.  it's  impossible.  anxiety  endlessly  crashes  a  battering  ram  into  his  chest  until  kaye  swears  his  sternum's  going  to  shatter.  instead  he  spends  the  night  trying  to  not  cry,  but  sobs  hard  and  ugly,  even  choking  on  air  at  times.  cries  even  harder  when  he's  rereading  their  texts  spanning  all  the  way  back  a  year,  fist  hastily  scraping  away  tears,  vision  getting  blurry  as  he  keeps  crying.  why  does  it  feel  like  the  end?  or  maybe  it's  already  over?  as  the  darkness  lightens  and  sunrise  approaches,  kaye's  at  the  mercy  of  panic  attack  after  panic  attack.  when  he  literally  can't  get  off  the  ground,  kaye  grits  his  teeth,  clenches  his  jaw,  and  punches  a  tight  fist  into  his  thigh.  he  focuses  on  the  flaring  pain.  everything  in  his  mind  finally  shuts  the  fuck  up.  he  can  breathe.

full  auto-pilot  kicks  in.  it  fastforwards  kaye  from  the  bedroom  to  the  cafe.  he  used  to  think  he'd  dress  in  something  special  and  nice  for  their  first  meeting.  but  kaye  uses  the  excuse  of  shooting  soon  to  wear  the  camera  crew's  usual  all  black attire:  black  jeans,  black  t-shirt,  black  oversized  windbreaker.  along  with  a  black  cap  and  face  mask  to  match.  ( or  maybe  he's  just  trying  to  hide  himself.  kaye  would  erase  his  scars  if  he  could. )  it's  hard  to  tell  who  sees  who  first.  but  once  kaye  finds  seokmin──

"hey."  kaye  approaches  seokmin,  hands  in  the  pockets  of  his  windbreaker.  "thanks  for  meeting  with  me  this  early.  you  sleep  well?"  keep  it  polite,  passably  friendly,  what  the  fuck  is  he  doing. "what do you wanna order?" kaye nods over at the register. "i'll treat you."

[nonhumen]

i finally made an interest tracker! please fill it out even if we've interacted before so i know for sure where everyone stands.