#i hope every driving instructor teaching adults over 25 to drive knows they are changing someone's life in a huge way

[sucharide]

i wish every good driving instructor a very have the most beautiful life imagineable. may you experience joy and bliss everyday. May your family line be blessed by your service to humanity.

[randomisemily]

I wanna rant about getting my driver’s license, but some people might need to know some stuff beforehand, so here you go:

- In Belgium, you have to take a written test on basic knowledge of traffic (rules & signs), passing that test allows you to request for a permit 

- There are two different permits: 1) 36 months: allows you to drive, but not by yourself. 2) 18 months: allows you to drive by yourself. Though, in both cases, you have to take lessons beforehand. 

-You can get your license at the age of 18 

- the driver’s test includes a “risk perception” test (you have to watch a few videos and determine who’s on the road and who’s a risk etc) + also, of course, a test on the road, including a few parking skills

- Additonally, I’d like to mention that the laws concerning learning how to drive and permits etc have changed A LOT the last few years, so if sometimes my rant is confusing, IT IS FOR ME AS WELL

- Every 2 times you fail an exam, you have to take 6 hours of lessons before you are allowed to take the exam again. 

ALRIGHT LETS GET STARTED

So when I was 18, I personally felt like I wasn’t ready to get my license yet. I wasn’t all that interested anyway and because I had friends who could drive, an older brother,... I was happy not driving. It didn’t bother me that much, and when Iook back at that time, I might even add that I might’ve been scared to drive. 

I felt like my life wasn’t too difficult without a license, though I lived in a rural area, I had easy access to busses and, mostly, trains. I also pretty much biked everywhere, and I didn’t mind that much.  

When I was 19, I started dating my fiancé, who had a license and took me everywhere. Some might think he was enabling, but in our case, I think he was just happy to do it. He was patient with me and when I was almost 21, I took the written test and passed. 

See, after that, I’m fuzzy on the details because I’m 28 now. So time has PASSED. But at that time I did decide to get a 36 month license. The reason was mostly financial: for a 18 month license, you have to take more lessons, and the lessons are expensive. (to drive alone, you have to take 20 hours of lessons, which as roughly 1500 euros). BUT for the 36 month permit, it’s only required to take 6 hours, which is rougly 500 euros. Considering the fact I had to pay that myself, I felt like I couldn’t afford the extra 1000 euros. I think, the other reason was that I was scared to drive by myself - maybe even scared to drive at all.

The permit I chose, requires you to get a mentor. Usually, it’s a family member, in my case, it was my dad. I thought it would be a good choice because my dad knows how to drive a truck and has tons of experience. He’s also calm and I thought he’d be good at giving instructions. 

That worked out a little different. It seemed like my dad was, like myself, a little scared to teach me. So here we were: two people who weren’t going to encourage each other to drive. The addition problem was that my dad’s working a lot, so a lot of times I was tired or he was. Yeah, it’s an excuse, and we knew it. 

One time, when were finally practicing, we were on a private road nearby. We were just starting & stopping, you know, the basics. There was a guy walking his Jack Russell, but without a leash. We weren’t going fast at all, but all of the sudden, the dog ran in front of my car. The dog ran off, over a big field, as fast as it could, and eventually, it ran home. We were shocked, scared and felt bad for the dog. The dog wasn’t injured that badly, but it so happened that we also had a similar dog at the time, so we truly felt for the little scared dog. I am, ‘till this day, though, a little angry with the owner because you don’t let your dog off your leash, that’s just my opinion. 

ANYHOW, after practicing a few months or something, we decided I was ready. I felt ready but both my dad and I were NERVOUS AS SHIT. The examirer was 15 minutes late, which only made it worse. My exam was a nightmare, after 5 minutes on the road, I had to go back. Out of nervousness, I didn’t see an old lady crossing the road. It was a disaster and the memory is still vivid. 

A second attempt came around the corner, and this time, I really thought I was ready. It was closer to the time the permit was going to expire, so I really hoped it would work out this time. Failed. This time, I didn’t use my breaks properly. Apparently, my dad had been teaching me wrong and I didn’t remember from the lessons I took. 

I can’t remember anymore why I failed the third time, but I did. And this time, my permit really was about to expire. After failing this time, I had no choice but to let it expire. 

This SUCKED because, as you might do the math, I was already 25 by then. And by the time I was 25, I did in fact, really need a car and a license. I had just graduated college and I needed a job. Schools in general are usually easily accessible by train, so was mine. Jobs, however, are not. For my internship in my last year of college, for example, I had to bike to the train station, take a train, tranfer to another train, take a bus and then bike again. The internship was great, getting there, however, was a nightmare. 

It also sucked because at the time, there was a rule in place, that dictated that if your permit expires, you can’t request a new one. There was a “waiting period” of 3 years. Yes, three YEARS. There are some exceptions because I can still, possibly, get your license during that time if you re-take your written test and take your driving exam with a professional driving school (the one you use to take lessons). This is, in fact, what I tried to do. The tricky part is that, when you’re not on the road during your “normal” life (work, groceries,...) it’s harder to get back on the horse. It was for me, anyway. I tried to the the exam that way twice. I failed twice. After the second time, I still had a year left in that “waiting period”, so I figured I wouldn’t try anymore and just wait it out. During those three years, I got a job nearby where I could bike to. It was alright. 

After the three years, and 5 exams later, I was fed up and I wanted to pass more than ever. But I knew I needed to do better this time. I took the 20 hours (yes, the lessons kept pilling up and so were the bills) so that I could drive alone and get the 18 month permit. By that time, I was also working full time and had moved out and moved in with my fiancé. So I was READY to be an adult and driving alone also meant that freedom I desperately wanted. 

My reasoning was also the fact that I felt like I didn’t have enough real life experience driving a car before. I didn’t need to do groceries, I was still living at home at the time and, as I mentioned, was always practicing with my dad. This time, not only did I want to drive alone, I needed to. 

A few months before the 18 months ended, I wanted to take the test again. Six times a charm, I thought. This time, my “mentor” wasn’t my dad anymore, it was my fiancé. Mind you, my fiance, lovely as he is, is neurotic and full of anxiety (bless his heart). Yet again, I was confronted by my nerves, and his. And failed the test because of my parking skills (or lack of). Actually, I was too nervous and had a minor anxiety attack while parking. 

The next time, I tried to get back on the horse almost right away and tried to take an exam with, not my boyfriend, but a professional driving instructor (€€€€€€). The seventh time almost worked out. I ALMOST passed, until the last few minutes I made a mistake at a crossroads. I mean, fuck. 

For the eight time, I realized I needed to do the same so I scheduled the exam for March this year. Then, of course, a pandemic came knocking on the door. The exam was cancelled and I felt major relief - though, I did need to pass and I knew it. 

After everything re-opened in May, I sort of procrastinated making an appointment again. I just, I couldn’t. I knew I had to, but I had failed this test 7 times. A driving test. Thinking about it, I mean, I have a bachelors degree. I had good job. I’m engaged. But I didn’t have a driver’s license. And no, I’m not a New Yorker. 

But luckily, when I procastinate, my body doesn’t agree and protests. I was watching a Modern Family episode one night where Haley struggled to get her license and I felt her pain so much. My heart was racing. I got nervous and flustered. And this continued. I was watching anyone driving on tv and I continued having tiny panic attacks. Talk about triggers: people driving. 

Anyway, I finally managed to call to make the apointment (took a lot of energy). I, again, made an appointment with a professional instructor. Though it was more expensive, it was the best approach. My car is old and driving my car to the exam would also mean I’d have to deal with my nervous (and not helping at all) fiancé. I knew I needed a steady and experienced person by my side. 

Yesterday, I took the test and I passed. Eight years and eight tries. 

I thought I would be ecstatic, but I wasn’t. I mean, I was. But honestly, It’s all been hitting me. Slowly. 

I’ve had this extreme fear. Extreme shame. Extreme anxiety for years. Because of that, it’s like, I have to process everything. I mean, everything. For example, I can now drive to my job, no strings attached. I can find a better job, that’s not as nearby. We bought a house to a rural area so it’s hard NOT to drive a car. I used to fear I’d feel locked up in the house as long as I didn’t have my license. Now, I have to process that this won’t be the case anymore and I can experience that freedom. There have been so many small things that I had to adjust to. Also, the shame I experienced. It’s just GONE now. Just simply, GONE. 

But in any case, I’m also super stoked. And the reason I ranted was

1) to express myself and get it off my chest but also

2) if anyone experiences the same thing (or a similar thing) to assure that it happened to me too.  

And for anyone who doesn’t want to ride with me - I totally understand but I took so many classes I consider it an asset. Not only do I know the laws of driving SUPER WELL, I am NEVER going to jeopardize it by driving badly. Because I ain’t planning on losing what I’ve got! 

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