#i hope as you ‘circle back around’ you trip over your own two feet

[ponderingmoonlight]

Sanemi lashing out on his pregnant wife only to beg her for forgiveness later

Pairing: Sanemi x pregnant!reader

Word Count: 3,1k

Synopsis: Like every week, you find yourself on your way back from Shinobu's estate and your pregnancy check-up. Little did you know what horror awaits you at your own home with your husband almost killing two kids...

Warnings: Sanemi is mean in this one and I mean it, extreme hurt but also comfort in the end so don't worry, full Shinazugawa package regarding language and violence lol, not proofread because I have to leave now

Thank you sooo much for that cool request @itsmscoco and I'm sorry it took a while. I really hope you like what I came up with 🤍

You rub your minor belly. For a woman, a pregnancy should feel like a trip to heaven. After all, you are blessed with developing a child that is half you and half your husband. Oh, your beloved and surprisingly gentle husband who always makes sure that you get enough sleep, that you nutrition yourself properly. But even the wind hashira can’t do a single thing against your constant sickness and pain.

“Please try this out, (y/n). Don’t hesitate to come here again if you need something else. You really have an unfortunate pregnancy when it comes to nausea”, Shinobu comments gently while giving your belly a little massage.

“Don’t get me wrong, I am so excited about the honor of caring for a child in my own body. But honestly, I’m so glad when this pregnancy is over”, you huff while taking a deep breath in.

Please, don’t vomit all over the insect pillar who’s just trying to help. You’ve been here what feels like everyday since finding out you’re pregnant. Well, to be exact, Shinobu is the one who suggested that you might expect a child.

Because of your never-ending sickness.

“Oh, there’s nothing to get wrong at all! After all, your pregnancy is a rather difficult one. But I’m sure Shinazugawa is taking good care of you!”

“He definitely does. My husband is an angel”, you reply in an instant.

You can’t wait to go back home. Even though your sleep-drunken eyes won’t be able to stay open longer than maybe a few hours, even though you weren’t able to catch a proper glimpse at Sanemi’s part in the on-going hashira training until now, you can’t wait to go back home. Back into your estate, back into the arms of your beloved husband.

“Not quite the codename I’d use for him, but that’s just what love does, right? I will send a kakushi along with you. Otherwise, Shinazugawa might show up and threaten me”, Shinobu jokes while helping you to get up.

“Thank you for your help. Again.”

You pull the insect hashira into a deep hug. How lucky you should consider yourself for the opportunity to call Shinobu your friend, that Sanemi laid his eyes on you. Out of all the countless women around, the ones with faces like porcelain and bodies so well-formed you can’t hold a candle against every single one of them. But still, he chose you.

“Come on, (y/n). Why are you crying?”, Shinobo whispers into your ear while rubbing small circles onto your back.

“I’m just a little overwhelmed from everything I guess”, you mumble against her comforting shoulder.

Just a few months ago, you would have laughed at anyone who told you that your life would turn out like this. Of course, you’ve lost countless good friends and family members on the way and living with a suborn husband like Sanemi isn’t always easy. But somehow, the two of you always make it work.

Right?

-at the wind hashira estate-

“We are almost there. Are you feeling alright?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I’m just a little tired from walking, that’s all!”

Truth is, your feet hurt like hell. Shinobu reported about women who don’t even feel their baby until the second trimester. Why are your feet already swollen, your belly bloated, your guts constantly turning? And there’s still so much ahead.

“Looks like Shinazugawa-sama received a new bunch of trainees after the other corps members all landed in Kocho-sama’s hospital wing”, the kakushi next to you comments dryly.

“Was it really that bad?”

Of course you heard about the rather brutal training methods of your husband. After all, even the walls of his estate aren’t thick enough to stop every single scream from reaching your ears. But still…

“It was pretty bad. Some of the-“

Glass cracking. Screams from afar. Out of instinct, you pick up your pace until you dash towards your home, sweat now dripping from every pore. What happened? Is Sanemi alright? He wouldn’t leash out on one of his students like that. Something must have happened. A demon? No, it’s still daytime. But what is it?

“He’s back! He’s back! That cold-blooded man! Lie down and pretend that you’ve fainted!”, a blonde-haired boy screams while almost collapsing onto the floor.

“What are you talking about? What’s going on here?”, you press out.

Your lungs threaten to fail you, breath already tasting like pure iron.

Until your eyes find Genya.

Your guts twist and turn in every direction, almost force you to vomit all over the place. Genya shouldn’t be here. Out of all people, it shouldn’t be him. And who’s the boy next to him. That familiar scar, you’ve seen that boy before. Is it possible that…

“Kamado Tanjiro”, you breathe out.

Maybe that is even worse.

Your eyes dart around the area without an aim. Where’s Sanemi? Did he find them already? They need to leave before he finds out that they’re here, carry on with another hashira training.

“Please stop now!”, Tanjiro suddenly shouts while stretching out his arm in defence.

An uneasy feeling crawls up your spine, the dark claws of sickening foreshadowing. All you can do is standing death still right where you are and watch in sheer horror as your husband stomps out of your estate motion.

Is that your husband you love and adore, though? You know how untamed he can get especially when getting confronted with his painful past. It was never easy for him to see Genya join the demon slayer corps or realize that his mother could have been saved like Tanjiro’s sister.

But never in your entire life have you seen him like this. The empty shell of your husband, muscles tensed to the maximum and his empty orbs directed towards the two boys in front of him.

In this very moment, you’d trust him to actually kill them.

“What are you going to do? Are you planning to kill Genya?”, Tanjiro continues passionately.

Your glossy orbs are set on your husband. Would he really do something like that? What if you witness the father of your unborn child taking the life of two other human beings? Your heart can’t take it, knees threaten to fail you.

“Hell no, I’m not going to kill him. It would be easy enough to kill him, but since it’s against the rules and all…I’m going to ruin him beyond recovery!”

Until your blurry head finally makes a decision and allows your feet to run.

Straight towards the two boys.

Straight into the firing line.

Straight into the sight of your now maniac husband.

“You won’t do any of these things, you hear me?”, you jeer at him with your new-found courage.

“(y/n)”, Genya breathes behind you.

“How dare you to talk to innocent children like that, Sanemi?”

The man in front of you furrows his eyebrows, hands clenched into tight fists while taking a step towards you.

“Get lost. Right now”, he hisses through gritted teeth.

You swallow hard, all nerves now tingling in sheer horror. This is the first and last warning, without any doubt. The look on his stone-cold face tells you more than urgently that Sanemi isn’t playing, that he doesn’t want you here.

Maybe it’s best if you go back inside and pretend that nothing happened. He himself said that he won’t kill them, after all…

“I’m not leaving”, you bite back.

But that would mean leaving Genya alone. That would mean giving up all of your principles.

“Will you act out like this towards our child as well?”, you continue while growing bigger and bigger in front of the two boys.

He might be your husband, the love of your life. That doesn’t mean you’ll always have to do what he tells you, tough. Instinctively, you clench your hands into tight fists with your glossy eyes almost piercing through him. Enough is enough.

“If our child acts as dumb as you do, I sure as hell will!”

Oh.

Your heart drops to the floor when a nauseous wave of agony hits you with full force. Sanemi is and has always been a hot-headed man who never thought twice about the things he said. But never, not even once in your entire relationship he insulted you.

Until now.

“Is this really how you feel about me? We should support each other, you should listen to me as well as-“

“Spare me with that bullshit, (y/n)”, Sanemi spits at you.

“Get.out.of.the.way. Can’t you hear me?”

It’s like you stop living for a moment. All this time, you did your best to understand him and his grief. Everything Sanemi does comes with a logical reason behind it, even though it’s hard to see from time to time. But lashing out at you like that?

“Stop being so disrespectful to me right now. I am your wife-“

“Right now, you’re my problem”, he jeers back.

“And now get off my sight and let me finish this real quick-“

You don’t know what made you act the way you just did. Was it his cruel behaviour, the way his words cut through your heart like a thousand knives? Before your husband is even able to finish his sentence, your palm races towards his cheek with full force.

The world around you goes silent, frightful gazes glued onto you while you can’t stop your tears from falling anymore.

“Is this how you’re acting around your pregnant wife by now, how you’ll treat innocent children? If that’s the live you chose, I’m not a part of it anymore”, you hiss through gritted teeth.

Suddenly, the urge to get as far away from him as possible becomes unbearable. Your feet start sprinting towards the estate on your own, carry you into your now so empty-feeling bedroom.

And finally, you allow yourself to break down and cry.

Is this really the man you love, that you’d give your life for? Your shaky fingers caress your belly mindlessly.

You can’t stay here. Not when Sanemi showed you a completely different face today. Not when this place doesn’t feel like home anymore.

-a few hours later-

“Fuck!”, Sanemi cries out on top of his lungs while dashing towards Obanai over and over.

Why can’t he get your stupid words out of his mind? The way you stood there with tears in your eyes, how he was literally able to hear your heart crack when those damned words left his mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt you, to drag you into the fuckery with his little brother and that Kamado boy.

But why did he say all those dumb things, then?

“You seem off, Shinazugawa”, Obanai comments dryly, hitting the wind hashira with full force again.

“I guess I fucked up”, Sanemi mumbles.

What if you won’t forgive him for today? Your last words haunt him since the moment you left him standing in the rain.

“I bet you can talk your way out of it-“

“Hell nah. I don’t think she wants to see me tonight.”

“Did you ask her, though?”

“Who the hell do you think you are anyway? You’re the one to talk, not able to confess your feelings to Mitsuri”, Sanemi barks at the man next to him.

“But yeah, maybe I should get going…”

Coming home never fuelled him with so much fright. What if you’re still angry at him, if you refuse to even talk to him? Or even worse, what if you’ll really leave him?

Sanemi’s guts turn in an instant, feet now picking up their pace with every step. He can’t lose you. Not you, the light of his life. Not when you are the only ray of sunshine in this rotting hell. What the hell did he do? The fact that he even raised his voice at you is unforgivable.

Finally, his fingers grab the door that leads to your shared bedroom, finally he’s able to make up for his mistakes of today-

His eyes widen in sheer horror.

You’re gone.

Right there where your head should rest, there’s absolutely nothing.

Panic starts rising up his chest, forces his heart down his throat.

Did you leave?

He yanks out of your shared room, eyes roaming around each and every corner of your estate. But you aren’t there. You aren’t here.

“My lady is at the love hashira’s estate.”

Sanemi darts up immediately, greeted by the oh so familiar voice of your personal crow.

“Is she fine, why did she-“

“With all due respect, I suggest you to control yourself before making any more insensitive comments to my lady-“

“Who the hell do you even think you are you-“

“Your earlier spoken words really troubled her and my lady certainly does not deserve that.”

Without another word, your crow disappears into the darkness of night again.

Sanemi swallows hard. Fuck, did he really hurt you that badly? He never wanted you to feel bad, never wanted to hurt you. Damn, he only wanted to show Genya and that Kamado boy their places. It shouldn’t have hit you. Out of all people, why did he have to hurt you?

“I need to tell her”, he mumbles under his breath before dashing towards the love hashira estate.

-at Mitsuri’s-

“I can’t believe Shinazugawa said something like this to you, (y/n)! You are super far away from being dumb, after all! Here, eat another pancake and stay as long as you want.”, Mitsuri babbles while handing you another plate.

Your dry eyes are barely able to stay open any longer. All the grief, explaining, fighting and crying did apparently really wear you out. Good for you Mitsuri’s estate is near by and you just know she’ll always open her arms for you.

“Thank you so much for taking me in, Kanroji. I really don’t deserve your kindness”, you sniffle.

“You have to be joking, (y/n)! It’s my duty as your friend to be there for you anytime you need me! And also, I-”

Three violent knocks on Mitsuri’s wooden door almost send you over the edge. It’s past after midnight, the time closer to the morning than evening. Who would knock on Mitsuri’s door this late at night?

“Do you think that’s a demon?”, you mutter in horror, both pairs of eyes set on the door.

“I don’t think so. Let’s see!”

Before you’re able to stop Mitsuri, she rips open the door.

And reveals no other than your husband.

“Sanemi”, you breathe out.

Tears start swelling up your eyes in an instant when a flood of memories crushes you all over again. Just a few hours ago, your husband made very clear that he doesn’t want to see you again anytime soon. How did he find out that you’re here?

“(y/n), can we…have a talk?”, he mumbles with icy voice.

“Do you want to leave me?”, you blurt out.

“What?”

Is that really how you feel, what you think of him? That he’ll turn his back on you after a fight? He did say all those nasty things to you, though.

“I think I’m going out and…cook!”, Mitsuri announces while sprinting out of the door, leaving you alone in the room with all that tension and him.

Him, the man you love more than anything else in this world. And also him, who broke your heart like he never did before.

“You have to be kidding me”, Sanemi mutters under his breath.

You turn away before you lose your composure completely.

“Why are you here, Sanemi?”

“Do you really think I’m here to dump you!? You, my pregnant wife!? You can’t be fucking serious about that!”

In the matter of seconds, you find yourself surrounded by his usual so comforting arms that now hurt like daggers against your skin.

“Please, let me go, I can’t do this ri-“

“(y/n), please.”

His suffocated voice forces your eyes to dart upwards.

Instantly, your heart drops to the floor.

Is this really your husband, crying against your shoulder while pressing your body against his?

“I’m sorry for all the shit I’ve said, I’m sorry for making you feel this way. I’d never leave you, not when I’m even lucky for calling you mine. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this, I just…I just can’t stand them…”

“Sanemi…”

“And I get that I don’t deserve you and that I’m a jerk for hurting you. I know you could’ve had every man you wanted-“

“Sanemi!”, you snap at him, holding onto his face tightly.

“But you’re the one I want”, you finally cry out.

“But your words hurt me. Is this really how you feel about me? Do you really think I’m a burden?”

“I was out of my fucking mind for saying that to you! You’re my blessing, my everything, the sunshine in this rotting hell. You’re…You’re my wife, right?”

That innocent look on his now tear-soaked face runs shivers down your spine, reminds you that even though he acted out today, this man is still the Sanemi Shinazugawa you fell in love with years ago.

“I am your wife”, you press out before a new wave of tears haunts you down.

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). So so sorry”, he mutters again and again while kissing every tear away that escapes your eyes.

“And I’ll never talk to you like that again, I promise.”

“Will you promise to not treat Tanjiro and Genya like that ever again too?”

Sanemi shifts his weight underneath you, his orbs growing hard again. Was this too much to ask for? No. Even though you love Sanemi’s rough side as well, he simply can’t do something like this again. Not when you’re his wife, not when you are expecting his first very own child.

“I will. But only if these jerks leave me alone”, he grumbles before giving you a passionate kiss.

“That might be manageable. I want to go home now…”

“No problem, I’ll carry you-“

“You really don’t have to carry me-“

“Oh, but I sure as hell will.”

“HAVE A GOOD NIGHT YOU TWO! AND DON’T ACT LIKE A JERK AGAIN, SHINAZUGAWA!”

“Did you have to tell her everything?”

“She’s my friend, Sanemi. Of course I had to.”

Tags: @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix  @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @beatrexworld

@froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @poketrainer2270 @chaoticwinnercupcake

@lees-chaotic-brain @wordskeeper @polarbvnny @sugu-love @ryva @baku2345

@komelrebi-san @kentocalls @barbuse @sunshine7queen @lavenderdrxp

@yaninnaacu @hopefulbelievertimemachine @laurencrsnt

[brunchable]

The Marriage Bet - Part Two

Pairings: Husband!Bucky Barnes x Pregnant f!Reader

Themes/Warnings: Y/N in labor. Childbirth but NOT detailed, more focused on Bucky's presence and what he's doing.

Summary: How has a small bet lead to this? Y/N goes into labor and Bucky does everything he can to be as supportive as he could.

A/N: For those who asked for Part Two, this is for you ^_^ I hope it lived up to the expectations. . . I took inspiration from my own experience so yeah.

taggies: @rcarbo1 @ozwriterchick @mrsnikstan @winterslove1917 @hzdhrtss

You roll your eyes as Bucky keeps a skeptical gaze on you, watching you step up and down on the curb for what feels like the hundredth time.

“Doll, you’ve been at this for days. I’m starting to think this kid’s staging a sit-in,” he teases, leaning against the lamppost, arms crossed.

“Well, she’s not paying rent, so she doesn’t get to stay. Curb walking is happening whether she likes it or not,” you snap back, determination lacing your tone as you continue stepping. But deep down, you’re tired, exhausted from trying to nudge your body into labor.

Bucky grins, but he still offers you a hand as you make your way back toward the house. “I’m just saying, if I see you out here tomorrow morning, I’m calling the National Guard.”

You elbow him lightly. “Very funny, Buck. This baby’s coming today. I can feel it.”

When you both step inside the house, Alpine is on you immediately, practically glued to your legs, rubbing her soft, fluffy body against your ankles more persistently than usual. You frown, looking down at her.

“What’s with you today, girl?” you ask, gently shooing her away with your foot. But instead of backing off like she normally does, Alpine meows loudly and circles you again, her tail brushing against your legs.

“Hey, come on. What’s going on with you?” you murmur, reaching down to pet her. But Alpine’s not interested in affection—at least, not her usual kind. She rubs harder against you, weaving in and out between your legs, forcing you to shuffle to avoid tripping.

“Bucky, I think Alpine’s lost it,” you call out, trying to step away from her. But she follows, her constant meowing beginning to sound like scolding. You can’t help but feel like she’s trying to tell you something.

Bucky, in the kitchen, is half-hidden in the fridge, rummaging around for something. “Maybe she’s just mad you’re about to replace her as the center of attention,” he quips, not looking up from his snack hunt.

“Yeah, well, she can wait her turn,” you mutter, trying to step around Alpine. But the cat is relentless. She rubs against your legs even harder, circling you tighter, her meows getting louder. You try to move, but she darts in front of you, making you stumble.

“Seriously, Alpine, what is going on?” you huff, trying to sidestep her again, but it’s no use. She’s practically glued to you, brushing her entire body against you, her eyes wide and focused as she continues her odd dance around your feet. You glance at Bucky, now distracted by Alpine’s odd behavior.

Bucky looks up, finally noticing how insistent the cat is. “You think she knows something we don’t?” he asks, his tone shifting from playful to curious. “Animals have instincts about this kind of stuff, right?”

Before you can respond, Alpine meows again, louder this time, and you feel a sudden, sharp tightening in your belly. You stop in your tracks, your hands immediately going to your abdomen as the pain intensifies.

“Ooo, ow!” you gasp, bending over slightly as the contraction tightens your entire stomach. “Bucky!”

Bucky’s head shoots up from the fridge like a missile, his eyes wide. “What?! What happened? Are you okay?!” he blurts, slamming the fridge door shut. He’s by your side in seconds, almost slipping in his haste. “Is it time? It’s time, isn’t it?! Oh god, okay, okay, breathe. Just breathe.”

You clutch the edge of the counter, nodding through the pain. “I think… I think it’s happening.”

Alpine, still rubbing against you, lets out another loud meow, as if confirming your suspicion. You glance down at her, and for a moment, it’s as if the cat knows exactly what’s going on. She gives a final rub against your legs before darting out of the way, clearing the space for Bucky to swoop in.

Bucky’s eyes go even wider. 

“Okay, okay, uh—hospital. We need to call the hospital.” He pulls out his phone, hands trembling slightly as he fumbles with the screen. He stabs at the screen with his thumb, almost dropping it in the process. “Where’s the number? Why don’t I have the number saved?!” he mutters to himself, glancing at you for reassurance as the line finally connects.

He paces as he talks to the hospital, his free hand anxiously running through his hair. “Yeah, hi, it’s… Y/N? Y/N Barnes? um, it’s happening. She’s in labor. What do we—what do I do? No, we’re at home, but we’re coming in—should we come in now? Or…? Okay. Okay, got it, yeah, we’ll head there in… five minutes? Yeah, five. Thanks.”

He hangs up, looking like he’s just run a marathon. “They said we can wait a bit until it gets stronger, but we can go now if you want. What do you wanna do?”

Before you can answer, another wave of pain washes over you, and you double over again, gripping the counter tighter. Alpine meows and brushes against your legs again as if trying to comfort you, her tail swishing with determination.

Bucky glances at Alpine, then back at you. 

“Okay, bath! I’ll run you a warm bath. That’s what they said, right? Warm bath to relax? Just—stay right here, doll. I’ll handle this.” He bolts off toward the bathroom, slipping slightly but catching himself at the last second.

You hear him turning on the water, his voice slightly frantic. “Warm bath, warm bath. I can do this. Where are the towels? Of course, we have towels. Focus, Bucky. Towels, water, perfect.”

You chuckle softly, despite the growing discomfort, glancing down at Alpine, who is now sitting by your feet, watching you intently with those big, bright eyes. 

“You knew, didn’t you?” you mutter, reaching down to scratch behind her ears. She purrs loudly, as if proud of herself.

A moment later, Bucky’s back, nearly tripping over Alpine as he rushes to your side. “Okay, bath’s ready. Nice and warm. Let’s get you in there before another one hits,” he says, gently taking your arm and guiding you toward the bathroom.

Alpine follows behind, meowing in approval as Bucky helps you into the tub. The warm water does wonders to ease the tension, but the contractions are still coming, and you know it won’t be long.

Bucky kneels beside the tub, his eyes wide with a mix of excitement and panic. “You okay? Should I call someone? Maybe I should recheck the bags. Oh, and snacks—I need to grab snacks.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “You and your snacks, Bucky. We’ll be fine.”

Alpine, still close by, gives one final approving meow before curling up on the bathroom mat, keeping a watchful eye on both of you.

× × × × 

The car ride to the hospital was a blur—Bucky, in full mission mode, had one hand on the wheel and the other gripping yours as you breathed through each contraction. Every time you winced, his brow furrowed deeper, a mix of panic and determination on his face. Even as you swatted him away, insisting you didn’t need him hovering, he stayed glued to your side.

By the time you arrived at the hospital, Bucky had already called ahead, barking orders like he was leading a rescue mission. He parked the car, rushed around to your side, and had you in his arms before you could argue. 

“No hero moves, Buck, I can walk,” you huffed, trying to push through another contraction, but Bucky wasn’t hearing any of it.

“Not a chance. Just let me handle this, doll. I got you,” he said softly, the tenderness in his voice cutting through the pain.

Inside the hospital, Bucky was glued to you—holding your hand, rubbing your back, scratching your head soothingly, offering water. Every contraction, every wince, he was there, wide-eyed, on alert. He spoke to the doctors, double-checked every word they said, like he was memorising their instructions for later. He wouldn’t even blink unless he was sure you were okay.

“Bucky, I’m fine. You need to relax,” you grumbled between deep breaths, squeezing his hand through another wave of pain.

“I’m relaxed! This is me, relaxed!” he responded, his voice a little too high to be convincing. He had one hand on your back, rubbing gentle circles as if he could somehow ease the pain just by being there.

When another particularly strong contraction hit, making you groan in agony, Bucky’s face crumpled. He looked like he was ready to jump in and fight the pain for you only if he could. 

"You're sure you don't want the epidural?" he asked, glancing at you as another contraction hit, his face creased with concern. You could see the tension in his jaw, his helplessness in not being able to take the pain from you. “I just… I hate seeing you like this.”

“No. I am doing this my way, okay?!” You shook your head, gripping his hand as the pain intensified, your voice coming out in a growl. 

He let out a shaky laugh. "Okay, no epidural. Got it. But if you change your mind, I can threaten someone. I can be very convincing."

Despite the pain, you couldn’t help but smile through gritted teeth. “Pretty sure the nurses don’t need to see the Winter Soldier just because I’m in labor.”

Bucky chuckled, brushing a strand of hair from your sweaty forehead. “Oh, come on. It’d make for a great story. I could throw my arm around, scare a few people… you know, just your typical Tuesday.”

Hours passed, and Bucky hadn’t moved from your side. He wouldn’t sit, wouldn’t close his eyes, despite you insisting—between contractions—that he at least take a nap. 

“You’re gonna fall over if you don’t get some rest,” you grumbled, squeezing his hand through another wave.

“Fall over? Pfft, I don’t need sleep. I’m like a machine.” He smiled, though his eyes were red-rimmed with exhaustion. But every time you winced, his whole body tensed, as if he could feel the pain with you. “You, on the other hand, are doing amazing. I mean, you’re practically doing this like a walk in the park. The park of… childbirth.”

You let out a half-laugh, half-groan, resting your head back against the pillow. “That was terrible, Buck.”

He smiled wider. 

“Was it? C’mon, don’t lie to me. You were laughing inside.” He leaned down, brushing a gentle kiss against your temple. “I’m not leaving you.”

He looks at you with such fierce determination that you know there’s no convincing him otherwise. 

“Besides, I couldn’t sleep if I tried. What if you need something? Or what if you crack and ask for that epidural?” He smirks, trying to lighten the mood.

You roll your eyes at him, wincing as another contraction comes. Bucky’s immediately there, squeezing your hand, pressing his forehead to yours as you breathe together.

“I’m serious,” you mutter when the pain subsides, “you need sleep.”

Bucky grins, though his eyes are soft with affection. “Sleep? Who needs sleep? I’m living on love right now, doll. And adrenaline.” He winks at you, squeezing your hand a little tighter. “Who’s gonna be here to remind you how much of a badass you are?”

Despite the pain, you can’t help but laugh a little, which makes him smile even wider. He leans in, his lips brushing against your ear. 

“You know, this is probably a good time to tell you that you’re way stronger than me. I’d probably be begging for the epidural by now. And ice cream. Definitely ice cream.”

You snort, trying not to laugh too hard as another contraction builds. “Yeah, and I’d let you have the epidural just to shut you up.”

Bucky chuckles, but his smile fades as he watches you breathe through the pain again, his thumb stroking the back of your hand. 

He’s quiet for a moment, then softly whispers, “You’re incredible, you know that?”

You look up at him through heavy breaths, your heart swelling at the way he’s looking at you—like you’re the only person in the world. His thumb traces lazy circles on your hand, his eyes never leaving your face.

“You’re doing so good, doll. I’m so proud of you,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.

When the contraction finally passed, you slumped back, exhausted. Bucky’s fingers brushed a stray piece of hair from your forehead, his touch light as a feather. 

“You want some ice chips? You want me to grab the doc again? Steal you another pillow? You name it, babe, and I’ll make it happen.”

Another contraction hit, and you groaned in pain, squeezing his hand hard enough to make him wince. But instead of complaining, he leaned down close, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. 

“You know,” he whispered, his voice low and conspiratorial, “you’ve got the strength of ten supersoldiers right now. You could probably take me down with just one hand. Kinda sexy, don’t you think?”

You couldn’t help but snort through the pain, the corners of your mouth lifting despite the overwhelming sensation. “That’s… your idea of sexy?” you panted, trying to keep your breathing steady.

“Hey, I’ve always had a thing for strong women,” he teased, winking at you in that playful Bucky way, trying to distract you from the pain. “And you, sweetheart, are the strongest woman I know.”

Even though the pain was still there, the tension in your shoulders eased just a little.

“See, that’s what I’m here for,” he said softly, his thumb brushing the back of your hand as another contraction started building. “You focus on bringing our kid into the world, and I’ll keep trying to distract you with terrible jokes and my rugged good looks.”

“You’re lucky… I love you…” you muttered through the next wave of pain.

By the time the contractions were coming faster and more intense, Bucky was still right there, leaning close, murmuring encouragements. His fingers intertwined with yours, his other hand brushing through your hair as you worked through the pain. 

“You’re doing amazing, doll. We’re almost there. I’m right here.”

He didn’t sleep, didn’t sit, not even when you begged him to rest. His only focus was you, and every time your face twisted in pain, his own features mirrored it. But somehow, even in the toughest moments, he kept trying to make you smile, whispering about baby names, promising to make up for every second of pain with the biggest, most elaborate breakfast you could dream of. 

“We’ll get pancakes. Or waffles. Or pancakes and waffles. With ice cream. I’ll even eat kale if it’ll make you happy.”

When the doctor told you it was time, Bucky’s grip on your hand tightened, and for a moment, you expected to see that familiar flicker of panic in his eyes. But it never came. Somehow, in the face of what was about to happen, Bucky remained steady, his expression calm and resolute. He didn’t waver. His focus was entirely on you, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in slow, soothing strokes as you gathered the last of your strength.

The room bustled around you—nurses preparing, the doctor giving instructions—but it all seemed distant. The only thing grounding you was Bucky. His eyes never left yours, a silent strength radiating from him, as though he were willing to carry you through the final stretch. Every time the pressure built, every time the exhaustion weighed on you, Bucky was there, his presence unfazed, holding you steady as the moment grew closer.

Even as the intensity of labor reached its peak, he didn’t flinch. Not once. His grip remained firm but gentle, anchoring you in the chaos, his face composed, his breathing in sync with yours. He was there, unwavering, a rock against the storm. The room could’ve been crumbling around you, and Bucky wouldn’t have noticed.

His whole world was you.

Then, when the cry filled the room—the unmistakable sound of your baby’s first breath—it hit him like a tidal wave.

They placed her on your chest, and for a second, Bucky was still. He was looking at her—his daughter—for the very first time. His mouth opened slightly, and you saw his eyes widen in awe. His tough exterior began to crack, the strong front he had maintained throughout crumbling under the sheer weight of the moment.

Suddenly, Bucky turned away, almost abruptly, his shoulders shaking. He was crying. Ugly crying. His hand left yours for the first time as he tried to rub the tears away, his back to you as he choked on his emotions. But he wasn’t fooling anyone. You could hear the soft sniffles as he struggled to pull himself together.

It only lasted a moment before he spun back around, tears still streaming down his face, though he tried—so hard—to stop them. The sight of him, attempting to be tough through the tears, was endearing and, in its own way, a little bit funny. His face was red, his eyes puffy, and there was no mistaking the way his breath hitched as he looked at the baby resting on your chest.

He tried to smile through the sobs, wiping his face with the back of his hand, but every time he looked at her—tiny, perfect, and so much a part of both of you—the tears came again, harder this time. He was completely undone, staring at his daughter with a mixture of awe, joy, and disbelief, as if he couldn’t quite wrap his head around the fact that she was here, real, and his.

And though Bucky was crying harder than ever, it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his tears mingling with yours, both of you laughing at the raw, overwhelming sweetness of the moment.

He was a mess, but a happy mess—ugly crying through the most beautiful moment of your lives. And, despite it all, he never let go of your hand.

× × × × 

When you and Bucky finally stepped through the door of your home, the familiar scent of your place welcomed you back. It was strange being home with Julianna now, like the world had shifted but stayed the same. You glanced at Bucky, who was carrying the capsule carefully, his expression softer than usual.

Alpine was the first to greet you. As soon as the door opened, she trotted over, her tail swishing with curiosity. She stopped at your feet, looking up at both of you expectantly, as if asking, “So, what did you bring back?”

Bucky set the capsule down gently on the floor, his movements slow and careful.

“Look who’s here, Alpine,” he said, glancing down at the cat with a smile tugging at his lips. “We brought someone new.”

Alpine inched closer, her nose twitching as she inspected the carrier with cautious curiosity. Bucky crouched beside the capsule, lifting the cover slightly so the cat could get a closer look. Julianna stirred inside, her tiny face peaceful, nestled in blankets.

Alpine took a few tentative steps forward, her nose brushing against the edge of the blanket. She sniffed softly, clearly curious but cautious, still unsure about what exactly this new little human was.

Bucky smiled, watching Alpine for a moment before reaching down and gently lifting Julianna out of the capsule. He cradled her carefully in his arms, glancing at you for reassurance before holding her closer to Alpine.

“Come on, girl, get a good sniff. She’s your new sister.”

Alpine paused, her eyes wide as she leaned in to sniff Julianna’s soft, downy head. The cat's whiskers twitched, her nose brushing against the baby’s tiny forehead as she took in the new scent. Julianna stirred slightly, but her eyes stayed closed, her peaceful expression unchanged.

After a long, curious sniff, Alpine let out a soft, sweet meow as if giving her approval. Then, to your surprise, she rubbed herself affectionately against Bucky’s legs, purring gently, as if acknowledging that her place in the family was safe.

You watched the whole interaction, a warmth spreading through your chest. There was something sweetly funny about seeing this big, tough Bucky Barnes gingerly presenting his newborn daughter to a cat, as if it were some kind of sacred introduction.

Bucky chuckled, glancing down at Alpine as she rubbed against him again, her purring growing louder. “Looks like she approves of you too, kid,” he murmured to Julianna.

Satisfied with her inspection, Alpine backed up a few steps, her tail swishing lazily. She sat down nearby, watching with half-lidded eyes as if content that all was well in her world.

Bucky stood up carefully, cradling Julianna in his arms and grinning at you. “Looks like she passed the test,” he said, his voice soft, but with that usual Bucky charm. He glanced down at the baby, his eyes softening even more.

“Welcome home, Jules.”

× × × ×

Bonus scene: Flashback - A few months earlier…

You were lounging on the couch, feet propped up on Bucky’s lap as he absentmindedly massaged your ankles. A notebook was open on the coffee table in front of you, filled with scribbles of baby names. None of them felt right so far, and you were both at your wits’ end.

“Alright,” Bucky said, tapping his fingers on your leg, “we gotta figure this out. This kid’s gonna be here soon, and we can’t just call them ‘Hey, you.’” He gave you a crooked smile, but you could tell he was dead serious about the baby name situation.

You sighed, flipping through the pages of the notebook. “I know, but nothing seems to fit. We don’t even know if it’s a boy or a girl.”

Bucky looked up thoughtfully, then suddenly grinned. “How about... Buck Jr.?”

You stared at him for a solid second, deadpan. “Buck Jr.? Really? What if it’s a girl?”

He didn’t miss a beat. “Then... Buckletta.”

You burst out laughing, nearly kicking him in the stomach with the way your feet jerked. “Buckletta? Are you serious?”

Bucky shrugged with a smug grin. “Hey, it’s versatile. Buck Jr. for a boy, Buckletta for a girl. Easy.”

“I am not naming our child Buckletta!” you gasped, wiping tears from your eyes from laughing so hard. “That sounds like a medieval torture device.”

Bucky smirked, leaning back on the couch. “Fine, fine. What about something... strong? Like, you know, a name that’s got some weight to it.”

“Okay, hit me with it,” you said, folding your arms across your chest.

“Rock,” he said with confidence.

“Rock?” You blinked, wondering if he was messing with you, "Already with the Dad jokes?"

“Yeah! Think about it. No one’s gonna mess with a kid named Rock Barnes,” Bucky explained, grinning as if he had just come up with the best name in history. “It’s tough. It’s solid.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “We are not naming our baby after an inanimate object!”

Bucky raised an eyebrow, feigning surprise. “Really? But you like Ruby.”

“Ruby’s a gemstone, Bucky. It’s different,” you argued, trying to hold back a laugh.

He finally laughed along with you, holding his hands up in surrender.

“Alright, alright! I'll stop. But we still need a real one, so...” He grabbed his phone back from you, scrolling through the list with a suspiciously mischievous look on his face. “Okay, let’s see... Princess Consuela Bananahammock?”

You smacked his arm, laughing again. “Are you picking names from Friends now?”

Shaking your head, you leaned over and grabbed the notebook, flipping to a clean page. “Okay, how about something more traditional? Like... Hazel for a girl?”

Bucky paused, his teasing smirk fading into something softer. “Hazel? I like that. It’s... nice.” He nodded thoughtfully, clearly warming to the idea.

“Yeah?” you smiled, glad that you’d finally stumbled onto something that wasn’t completely ridiculous.

“Yeah, Hazel’s good. But what about a boy’s name?” Bucky asked, shifting to a more serious tone.

You thought for a moment.

“What about James?” you suggested, giving him a knowing look.

He immediately shook his head. “No way. Too many bad memories tied to that name.”

You frowned, understanding. “Alright, then something classic but strong... like Julian?”

Bucky tilted his head, considering it. “Julian’s not bad. Strong, but not too over the top. I could see that.”

“And it works for a girl, too. Julianna,” you added with a smile.

Bucky’s face lit up. “Julianna Hazel Barnes.” He let the name roll off his tongue, testing it out. “That actually sounds really nice.”

You grinned, feeling like you were getting somewhere. “Right? It’s got a good flow.”

He nodded, then leaned back against the couch, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “But seriously, you’re sure we’re ruling out Buckletta?”

You threw a pillow at his head, laughing. “Absolutely. 100% no to Buckletta.”

Bucky caught the pillow and chuckled. “Okay, okay, no Buckletta. But just so you know, if we ever get another cat, I’m naming her Buckletta.”

[gingerteafairy]

type (dave lizewski x reader)

You're Dave's type, but he's too shy to tell.

tags n warnings: language, college!dave, teasing, mentions of sex. word count: +900 masterlist

The holidays were over, and you were finally going to see your best friend, Dave, again—a relief, given that the genius only replied to messages every few months. Sitting alone in the lecture hall, headphones on, you tried to tune out the idle chatter of your college classmates. Occasionally, you’d tilt your head to eavesdrop on bits of their conversations, but nothing held your attention for long.

Then, the door creaked open, and there he was. Dave stumbled in, nearly tripping over his own feet, his trademark awkwardness in full display. Your lips spread into a wide smile as you shot up from your seat and hurried toward him, wrapping him in a tight, lingering hug.

“Oh my God, Dave. It’s been so long! I missed you so much!” you exclaimed, rocking him side to side as his arms circled you hesitantly before settling into the embrace.

“Yeah, way too long,” he mumbled, chuckling nervously as he stepped back, one hand awkwardly running through his hair. His eyes darted away briefly before finding yours again. He shifted on his feet, then tossed his bag onto a random chair at the back of the room. “Uh, I’m just gonna say hi to Todd real quick.”

“I’m coming with you,” you said without hesitation, trailing behind him as he flashed you a shy grin. “I’m like your shadow, Dave. You’re stuck with me.”

“I don’t mind,” he quipped, his voice softer than usual, as if he were still processing how happy he was to see you.

When the two of you reached Todd, Dave greeted him with an overly enthusiastic high-five, laughing a little too loudly as they exchanged a few words. You hung back, watching the interaction with a warm smile, glad to see him back in his element.

After their brief conversation, Dave turned back to you with a mischievous glint in his eye, raising an eyebrow. “What?” you asked, squinting at him curiously.

He glanced around the room, then leaned in conspiratorially. “Come with me,” he whispered, leading you to a quieter corner. His gaze flickered toward Todd, who was engrossed in his phone. Lowering his voice even further, he asked, “He’s your type, isn’t he?”

Your cheeks flushed as you laughed softly. “Damn it. Yeah, he is.”

“I knew it,” Dave said, grinning smugly before his expression faltered. He scratched the back of his neck, suddenly looking unsure. “Uh, wait. Is that, like, offensive or something? I didn’t mean it to be—like, dating stuff—”

“Relax, Dave,” you interrupted with a reassuring smile. “It’s fine. I just… have a weakness for wavy hair.”

He swallowed hard, adjusting his shirt and fidgeting with the hem before abruptly striding toward the door and you crossed your fingers hoping he didn't get that he was your major type. “Follow me,” he blurted, glancing back to make sure you were behind him. He led you out into the hallway, peeking through the glass pane on the door.

“What are we doing here?” you whispered, mirroring his action and looking inside.

“Trying to figure out who else in there is your type,” he replied, squinting as he scanned the room. After a moment, he nodded toward someone. “Okay, the guy in the Strokes shirt with glasses.”

“Shit, Dave,” you muttered, laughing as you shook your head. “How do you always know?”

“I could fuck him. He's fucking cute. Look at those glasses and band buttons. So appealing.” He chuckled softly.

“Hold all bisexuals in the world, The Strokes guy is the moment.” You laughed, glancing at the guy briefly looking behind and you both crouched on the floor. “Do you think he heard us?”

“I hope so, we can make a threesome.” he teased, nudging you.

“Being sandwiched by two dorks, life achievement.” You said giggling with Dave on the floor. You both stood up and proceeded to chase.

“Your turn,” he challenged, crossing his arms.

You smirked, pretending to ponder before pointing to a girl with wavy hair and a blue sweater. “Her.”

“She’s hot,” he admitted, his cheeks reddening. He ran a hand through his messy hair and avoided your gaze, but his attention soon drifted back to you. He licked his lips, debating whether to say what was on his mind.

“What about the redhead in the Slayer shirt?” you teased, watching him glance at her.

“She’s… yeah, she’s nice,” he said quietly, though his eyes quickly returned to you.

Suddenly, he grabbed your hand and tugged you toward the courtyard. “Alright, now I’m guessing yours,” he said with a determined look.

“Dave,” you interrupted, halting his steps. “You know you’re my type, right?”

His entire face flushed as he froze, his hand flying to cover his face. “Shit, sorry. I embarrassed you, didn’t I?” you asked, guilt creeping into your voice.

“No, no, it’s not that,” he mumbled through his hands. Slowly, he dropped them, his fingers fidgeting with the edge of his sleeve. “It’s just… you’re mine, too.”

Your breath caught as you smiled down at the ground before meeting his soft, nervous gaze. Before either of you could say anything more, the reality of class hit you.

“Dave, do you think class started already?” you asked suddenly.

“I was just about to ask you that,” he replied, scratching his neck awkwardly.

The two of you rushed back, slipping into the room just as the professor launched into a speech about tardiness. You barely heard a word of it, your thoughts consumed by what Dave had just admitted. For Dave, hearing your confession in person—rather than over a text he’d likely overthink for weeks—meant the world. You were exactly his type, and he couldn’t believe his luck.

[bestofmultiverse]

Between the pages || 4

Aubrey plaza x fem!reader

"It’s hard to save people from themselves. But if they’re willing to try, it’s worth the risk.”

- Paperweight by Meg Haston

A/N : this part talks about mental health, i don't know if its on triggering level but it was important for me to let yall know.

Got inspired by my trip to the ER today because of anxiety attack that left me feeling like i was literally dying. Im okay, conveniently had a therapy session as well afterwards so had a pretty rough day- but pushing trough it 🤍

I love you guys hope you will like this one x

1 • 2 • 3 • 5

When Aubrey stormed into the ER, she wasn’t sure what she was more furious about: the fact that her girlfriend hadn’t told her she was there or the casually infuriating way she explained it when she finally did.

“I didn’t want to bother you,” her girlfriend had said with a weak shrug, as if chest pain and difficulty breathing were minor inconveniences she could brush off.

“Didn’t want to bother me?” Aubrey had echoed, disbelief flaring in her voice.

The younger woman, seated in one of those awful plastic chairs, simply nodded, her eyes heavy with exhaustion. “It’s not the first time,” she added lightly.

That had nearly sent Aubrey over the edge, but then her anger had crumbled the moment she took in her girlfriend’s slumped posture, the way her hands trembled slightly in her lap. The fight in her drained away, replaced by a deep, aching worry.

Without a word, Aubrey knelt in front of her and wrapped her arms around her tightly. Her girlfriend stiffened for a moment before her shoulders sagged, and tears, born of frustration and weariness, spilled from her tired brown eyes.

“You scared the hell out of me,” Aubrey murmured against her temple, her voice breaking.

“I’m sorry,” came the hoarse reply.

“What did the doctor say?” Aubrey asked after a beat.

“Nothing yet. It’s been two hours since they checked me, so I guess that’s a good sign,” her girlfriend said, trying for humor, but the weak smile didn’t reach her eyes.

Aubrey frowned and brushed a stray strand of hair from her girlfriend’s face. “What made you come in today?”

Her girlfriend hesitated, looking down at her hands. “A coworker noticed I was struggling and told my supervisor. They basically forced me to come.”

Aubrey’s heart clenched at the thought of her being too stubborn—or scared—to seek help on her own. “I’m sorry that happened, baby.”

“It’s not your fault,” her girlfriend said softly, shaking her head.

Aubrey pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Still. I wish you’d told me sooner.”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Aubrey sighed, her thumb tracing comforting circles over her girlfriend’s hand. “I’m going to talk to the nurse and see what’s going on.”

Her girlfriend grabbed her wrist, her grip surprisingly firm. “Please don’t make a scene. They’re doing their best.”

“I won’t, I promise,” Aubrey said with a small smile. “But I’m not just going to sit here while you suffer.”

She stood and approached the front desk, her patience already worn thin. “Excuse me,” she said, keeping her tone calm but firm. “My girlfriend’s been waiting for two hours with chest pain and trouble breathing. Is there any way to get an update?”

The nurse didn’t even glance up. “It takes time,” she said dismissively.

“I understand that,” Aubrey replied, clenching her jaw. “But is there any way to know how much time?”

Before the nurse could respond, a doctor appeared in the doorway, clipboard in hand. “Y/N?” she called out.

Relief washed over Aubrey as she hurried back to her girlfriend. “Come on,” she said gently, helping her to her feet.

They followed the doctor into an exam room, and Aubrey stayed close, her hand never leaving her girlfriend’s.

“After running several tests, we didn’t find anything concerning,” the doctor began, offering a reassuring smile. “Your heart and lungs are healthy, and your bloodwork came back normal.”

Aubrey’s girlfriend nodded slowly, her expression conflicted.

“So what’s causing this?” Aubrey asked, her tone carefully measured.

The doctor hesitated before answering. “It seems to be psychological—likely a panic attack.”

Aubrey’s girlfriend let out a bitter laugh. “Figures.”

“It’s more common than you think,” the doctor said gently. “There’s nothing physically wrong with you, which is good news. But I’d recommend following up with a therapist to explore potential triggers and coping strategies.”

“Right,” her girlfriend muttered as she stood, grabbing her bag. “So, I’m crazy. Got it.”

“You’re not crazy,” Aubrey said firmly, standing as well and pulling her into a hug. She held her close, one hand cradling the back of her head as her girlfriend let out a shaky breath against her shoulder.

“Thank you, doctor,” Aubrey said softly before leading her girlfriend out of the hospital.

The drive home was quiet, the radio turned off at her girlfriend’s request. When they reached Aubrey’s apartment—a place that had gradually become their shared home—they settled on the couch, the silence stretching between them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aubrey asked after a while. “No pressure, but… I’m here.”

Her girlfriend pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them. “It’s just… stuff. Work’s been rough, and… other things too.”

“Other things?” Aubrey prompted gently.

Her girlfriend hesitated. “It started about five months ago.”

Aubrey froze. Five months ago—the same time the media had started dissecting their relationship, plastering their faces across magazines and social media.

Her girlfriend must have noticed the look on her face because she quickly added, “This isn’t your fault, Aubrey. Please don’t think that.”

Aubrey shook her head. “I should’ve protected you from all of that.”

“You couldn’t have. I chose this. I chose you,” her girlfriend said, her voice trembling. “And I’d choose you again. Every time.”

Aubrey pulled her into her arms, kissing her temple. “I’d choose you too. Always.” She paused, stroking her girlfriend’s hair. “But I think we need help—someone who can help us make sense of this.”

Her girlfriend looked up at her, confused.

“I’m talking about therapy,” Aubrey said gently. “For you, if you want it. And maybe for us. Together.”

Her girlfriend frowned. “You think we need couples therapy?”

“I think it’s worth trying,” Aubrey said honestly. “You were scared to tell me what you’ve been going through, and I can’t stop blaming myself for what you’ve been feeling. I don’t want either of us to carry that alone.”

Her girlfriend sighed, her shoulders slumping. “I’ll think about it,” she said quietly.

“That’s all I’m asking,” Aubrey said, kissing her hand.

After a moment, her girlfriend stood. “I need a bath. I feel gross.”

“Want company?” Aubrey offered with a small smile.

Her girlfriend nodded. “Yeah. I don’t want to be alone.”

Aubrey followed her into the bathroom, and they sank into the warm, bubble-filled tub together, with a book of y/n's choice as their worries temporarily melting away in the comfort of each other’s arms.

[harrysfolklore]

when in italy - harry blurb

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

"I swear is this way!" a very drunk Harry said, pointing out to the street in front of him, "I've walked down these streets a shit ton of times, I know how to get back."

"Harry, darling," Alessandro said, standing in front of him, "Let's just admit that we're lost and ask for directions."

"No! I know the way!" he stubbornly protested and headed the way he initially pointed, almost tripping on his own feet due to his drunk state.

Alessandro followed him, he knew how stubborn Harry got whenever he was drunk, and decided to trust him with the task of getting them back to their place in Italy for their holiday.

"Harry, I'm afraid we're walking in circles," Alessandro said once he noticed that they were back in the same place they were a few minutes before and they had been walking for almost 10 minutes now.

"Shit," Harry stopped on his tracks, "I think we're lost."

Alessandro rolled his eyes at his friend, "I'm going to ask for directions."

Harry sat on the sidewalk as he watched his friend walk towards some shops that were still open in the area, giggling to himself over the fact that he got lost in the place he called his second hometown (that, and the fact that he was completely wasted)

"Hey," a soft voice called for him, making him look up, "I'm sorry to bother you but I heard you and your friend are kind of lost, I live around the area and I could give you directions if you need them."

Harry blinked a few times, trying to get a proper look at the person in front of him in his drunken state.

And once he did, oh boy was he mesmerized.

The young woman standing before him had a warm smile, her eyes sparkling under the streetlights. She looked at Harry with a mix of amusement and concern, clearly recognizing him but choosing not to make a big deal out of it.

"Thanks," Harry slurred, trying to get up from the sidewalk and failing spectacularly. He giggled again, this time at his own clumsiness. "I think I need some help."

"Yeah, I think you do," she laughed softly and reached out a hand to help him up, "I'm YN, by the way," she introduced herself as Harry took her hand, his grip unsteady.

"I'm Harry," he replied, still looking at her with a dopey grin. "Alessandro!" Harry yelled out calling for his friend, who was making his way back to them, "I found this pretty girl that says she can walk us back home."

The girl felt her cheeks burn at his words, looking away from him in hopes that her blush would disappear.

"Thank you so much for your help," he said, "I'm Alessandro."

"Nice to meet you, Alessandro," YN said warmly, "So, where are you two trying to go?"

Harry attempted to answer but ended up mumbling incoherently. Alessandro stepped in, giving her the address of their holiday home.

"Oh, that's just a few blocks away," YN said, "I'll walk you there. It's no trouble."

"You're an angel," Harry proclaimed dramatically, leaning on Alessandro for support as they started walking.

"So, YN," Harry said as they walked down the street, "Do you live here, or are you just visiting?"

"I live here," she said, "Moved here a few years ago for work and fell in love with the place. It's a beautiful city."

"It really is," Alessandro agreed, "Thanks again for helping us out, Harry can be a bit stubborn when he's had a few too many."

"I'm not!" Harry protested, "I know this place like the back of my hand, I'm just dizzy right now."

"It’s alright, Harry," YN laughed softly at Harry’s protest, finding his drunken stubbornness endearing, "We all have our moments."

As they walked, Harry continued to lean heavily on Alessandro, but his attention was fixed on YN. "So, what do you do here, YN?"

"I’m a photographer," she replied, glancing at Harry with a smile. "I came here for a project and ended up staying. The city has a way of pulling you in."

Harry nodded enthusiastically, almost losing his balance again, making both Alessandro and YN giggle.

 "What kind of photography do you do?" Alessandro chimed in.

"Mostly street photography and portraits," YN explained. "I love capturing candid moments, the beauty in everyday life."

"That’s amazing," Alessandro said genuinely, "You must have some incredible shots."

"I do love my work. It’s always different, always exciting."

"Do you ever take pictures of drunk idiots lost in the streets?" Harry joked making YN throw her head back in laughter.

 "Not yet, but there's a first time for everything," YN chuckled.

"I’d love to see your work sometime," Harry grinned widely at her response.

"Maybe you will," she replied, her tone teasing yet sincere.

As they neared the holiday home, Alessandro let out a sigh of relief. "Here we are," he announced, pointing to the familiar building.

"Thanks a million, YN," Harry said, his words slurring slightly but his gratitude clear. "You're a lifesaver."

"Glad I could help," she said with a warm smile. "Get some rest, Harry."

"I will," Harry said, "We should hang out sometime. Maybe when I'm not so… wobbly. Actually, can I have your number?"

She stood in her place for a moment, completely taken back by the fact that Harry boldly asked for her number.

And when she was about to give it to him, she remembered that he was drunk, and he probably wouldn't remember a single detail about the interaction.

"You should get some rest, Harry," she smiled, "And I need to head back to my house, It's getting late."

"Wait, you're not going to give me your number?" Harry said, a disappointed tone in his voice.

"Not tonight, Harry," she said gently, "But if we run into each other again, I'll consider it."

Harry pouted, about to protest again, but Alessandro gave him a nudge.

"Come on, Harry, let's get you inside. Thank you again, YN."

"You're welcome," she said, waving them off as they entered the building. "Goodnight, Harry. Goodnight, Alessandro."

"Goodnight," Alessandro replied, helping Harry up the stairs to their apartment.

Once inside, Harry flopped onto the couch, still thinking about the lovely girl who helped them get to their house in one piece, completely gobsmacked about how beautiful she was.

 "She was nice, wasn't she?" he mumbled.

"She was," Alessandro agreed, "Now get some sleep, Harry. You need it."

The next morning, Harry woke up with a pounding headache and a hazy memory of the previous night. He groaned as he sat up, trying to piece together the fragments of what had happened.

"Morning, sunshine," Alessandro greeted him, handing over a glass of water and some painkillers.

"Thanks," Harry muttered, taking the pills and the water, "What happened last night? Did we get lost?"

"We did," Alessandro confirmed with a chuckle, "And a lovely girl named YN helped us find our way back."

Harry's eyes widened as the memory came flooding back. The memory of her pretty eyes, nice smile and interesting talk making immediately smile.

"YN... Oh, I asked for her number, didn't I?"

"You did," Alessandro said, "But she didn't give it to you. Said if you ran into each other again, she'd consider it."

Harry sighed, leaning back against the couch, pouting when he realized that he probably wouldn't run into the pretty girl again.

"You'll have time to pout about your little crush later," Alessandro spoke again, "Right now we need to go get some kitchenware, otherwise we won't be able to cook anything."

"Right, we were supposed to do that today," Harry said as he stood up, "Let me grab a quick shower and we can go."

Once he was ready, he and Alessandro headed out to the local shop to get the kitchenware they needed. The store was bustling with people, and Harry found himself scanning the crowd, hoping that he would run into YN again somehow.

He felt like a silly teenager with a brand new crush, but even in his drunken state he could tell that the girl was nice and genuine, and he definitely wanted to get to know her better.

He also thought she was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. 

"Still thinking about her, huh?" Alessandro teased as they walked through the aisles.

"Is it obvious?," Harry admitted, picking up a set of kitchen knives. "Can't help it mate."

They moved through the store, gathering the items they needed. As they approached the checkout counter, Harry's attention was drawn to a girl climbing up a ladder to reach something on the top shelf. The ladder wobbled, and without thinking, Harry rushed over to steady it.

"Careful there," he said, his hands firmly holding the ladder.

"Oh, thank you," the girl said her attention focused on grabbing a small box from the top shelf.

And when she looked down and her eyes met Harry's, he felt his heart jump.

"YN?" Harry said, almost in shock that it was really her.

YN's eyes widened in surprise and then lit up with recognition. "Harry! Hi again," she said, climbing down the ladder carefully.

"What a coincidence," Harry grinned, still holding the ladder to ensure it was steady. "Need any more help with that?"

"No, I think I've got it. Thanks, though," she shook her head, holding the box she had retrieved, "What are you doing here?"

"Just getting some stuff for our holiday home," Harry explained. "And trying not to get lost again."

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't get lost in the store," YN laughed softly, "Thanks for holding the ladder."

"Anytime," Harry said, still grinning. "Are you buying some stuff too?"

"No, this is my friend's shop, I'm just helping out for a bit," she replied, "It's nice to see you again, Harry."

"Nice to see you too," Harry said, his tone sincere, "And I mean it. I was hoping I'd run into you again."

 "Well, here we are," she blushed slightly, looking away for a moment.

"Well, if it isn't our guardian angel," Alessandro walked over, raising an eyebrow at the sight of the girl.

"Just doing my good deed for the day," YN laughed softly, "It's good to see you're both in one piece after last night."

"I was pretty out of it, wasn't I?" Harry said, a hint of embarrassment on his voice.

"A bit, but it was kind of endearing," YN admitted, a twinkle in her eye.

"Well, I'm glad you thought so," he said, "I was worried I made a fool of myself."

"Not at all," YN reassured him, "It was actually quite charming."

Harry smiled, his eyes fixed on the girl. He still didn't understand how it happened, but he was completely smitten over her without even properly meeting her yet.

"We should checkout our stuff and head back," Alessandro said, "It was lovely to see you again, YN."

"It was lovely to see you too," she said, waving them off, "Have a great rest of your day, both of you."

Harry gave her one last smile before following Alessandro to the checkout. As they walked out of the store, Harry couldn't help but feel elated.

"I can't believe I ran into her again," he said, his excitement evident.

"Seems like fate," Alessandro teased, "Did you ask for her number properly now?"

"Shit!" Harry stopped on his tracks, "Shit! I forgot to ask for her number."

"Then what are you doing here, go back in there and ask her."

Harry didn't need his friend to say it twice before he was almost running into the store again, determined to get the girl's number once and for all.

He re entered the store, scanning the aisles looking for the girl, he spotted her at the counter, talking to another customer. He approached them, trying to catch her eye.

"Hey, YN," he said once she was done with the customer, "Last night I asked for your number, and you said that you'll consider giving it to me if we ever ran into each other," a small smile creept into the girl's face at his words, "And well, here we are, right?"

Harry felt like a total schoolboy, his hands almost sweating as he spoke. YN smiled even widely now, tilting her head to the side.

"You remember that, huh?" she asked.

"I could never forget," Harry matched her smile.

"Well, I did promise to consider it," YN said playfully, "And I think I've made my decision."

Harry's heart skipped a beat. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she replied with a smile, "I'd love to give you my number."

And once again, Harry felt like his heart could combust from happiness and excitement.

YN reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. She scribbled something on it and handed it to him.

"There you go," she said, handing the piece of paper to him, "Now, don't lose this one."

"I won't, I promise," Harry said, his tone earnest. "Thank you, YN. I'll text you very soon."

"I'll be waiting," she said, her smile warm.

Harry waved as they left the store, clutching the piece of paper with YN's number in his hand. He couldn't stop smiling, feeling like the luckiest guy in the world.

Once he met Alessandro outside, he looked at him with a teasing smile.

"Looks like you got your wish."

"Yeah," Harry said, looking at the paper again. "And I don't plan on letting this opportunity slip away."

[utterlyotterlyx]

The Fox and The Fawn

High Lord Eris x Rhys!Sister!Reader x Azriel

Part Five

Summary - After an intense meeting at the boarder, Eris and Lucien return home tight lipped and unwilling to ruin the night, and you discover something you thought was impossible.

Warnings - angst, fluff, Rhys being a grade A prick, our favourite found family back at it again, drinking, mentions of sex, some Eris background, Lucien being a meddler, a little trip down memory lane

Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

HAPPY 600! 🥳

Be careful.

Eris would ensure he was. For you, he would contain his fiery rage, he would conform himself to the mask he had to wear around those from the Night Court. He would do anything to make sure he returned home to you.

Part of him was glad that Lucien had coaxed him away the moment he had secured you inside Fir Manor in the arms of Nesta and Elain, if he saw those rounded eyes of worry, he was sure that he may not have been able to walk away from you.

Sweat coated his brow as his weight crunched at the leaves and fallen branches beneath his feet. Of course Rhys had chosen to meet where Autumn met Winter, Kallias cared little when the High Lord of the Night Court would prowl onto his lands, and Rhys wouldn't dare to stand in Summer or Spring after what he and his Inner Circle had done to both of those courts.

The air had turned cold and the ground frozen a few miles back, the cold shrill of Winter swarmed around Eris and Lucien, and they were glad that they had made the smart decision to shroud themselves in their fur lined coats for what was sure to be a frosty meeting indeed. Though, Eris was glad that he had chosen the Winter boarder to say his piece, it meant that he was as far as possible away from you.

They had winnowed most of the way, hounds in tow bar Willow who had refused him to stay with you, coiling up on the porch and watching her master disappear into the forest. Lucien had groaned when they had landed at the foot of a rather large hill lined with an array of snow-kissed trees, Eris had smirked at the sound but willed his brother onward.

"Promise me that you won't let him get under your skin." There was still an ocean full of unspoken words between the two brothers, ones that voiced Eris’ regret and longing, that voiced all of guilt and desire to make things right.

In a way, it was easier for him to convince Lucien of his true nature now that they had something in common bar their looks, it was the shared need to protect you, to let you grow into your own person and watch on as you drove down your own path.

Eris frowned softly, he couldn't exactly blame Lucien for thinking that such a thing was possible, he hadn't exactly played the role of a loving brother or male in general. "I won't, Lucien. There is nothing he could say or offer to make me even consider it." That being handing you back over to the Night Court.

It wasn't something that he needed to say, neither of them wanted to even think about it as they continued upward.

"I know that you have no reason to trust anything I say after everything I've done to you," Lucien fell to Eris' side and glanced sidelong at him, not knowing what was coming next, "But I hope you can believe me when I say that I won't let any harm come to her. I have abided by every decision she has made, all I wish for is her happiness. I want her to grow and build her own life. All I can do is gently nudge her in the direction she is hesitant to follow, but I would never make her do anything she didn't wish to."

There was a pause, a comfortable silence as Lucien came to a certain realisation and grinned, "You feel something for her, don't you?" Eris felt the heat rise to his cheeks, the cold of the air making the redness more prominent on them, Lucien laughed, "I knew it from the moment you fought me to sit next to her at that dinner," his smile faltered and he stopped walking, he examined his brother, the one whose entire façade faltered the moment he noticed that you were around, "After everything that's happened, y/n deserves a chance to find her own passions away from the influence of anyone."

"I know that-"

"I wasn't finished," Lucien rolled his eyes and continued the ascent, passing Eris who trailed him by a step, "Despite everything, I do believe that she's better off here, with you. It's like you see her like how Nesta, Elain and I do but in a slightly different way, you see her in the way she deserves to be seen, in the most candid and gentle way possible," Lucien looked to Eris with understanding, "She deserves that, to be seen and understood and listened to, to be involved in every conversation, to be able to show everyone who she really is.”

The conversation died at the exact moment when the Vanserra brothers reached the apex of the mound, spotting the three Illyrians through the break in the trees that coiled around their figures, as if in warning to stay far far away.

The mask.

Right.

Rolling his shoulders, Eris was ashamed to drown his soul in the brutal essence which he often forced himself into, and he never wanted you to see just how bad it could be. Whisps of his breath floated from his lips, curling upward and freezing in the air.

"Thank you for waiting. Lucien couldn't keep up," the namesake scoffed in response as the pair approached the boarder, thanking the Mother of that intact shimmer which told them that the wards very much still up, and very strong. Eris folded his arms over his chest, finding the nearest tree and leaning on its rough bark before drawling, "You got me here, Rhys. Better start talking."

It was clear that Rhys was on the brink of losing his sanity, his eyes were cold and distant, more onyx than their usual violet hue, his wings were furled around his sides, and Lucien nor Eris could tell if he meant them to be intimidating. He appeared to them dishevelled, messy black hair, a certain paleness to his skin, an unhinged glare in his eye.

"I appreciate you taking the time to meet with us," he motioned to Azriel and Cassian, the latter of which looked more broken than Lucien had ever seen him, no doubt reeling in the loss of his mate, "I hope we don't keep you for long."

"Tell me what you want, Rhys. I don't have time for pleasantries," Eris plucked an invisible thread from the stitching of his coat and looked toward the High Lord.

The fake politeness was doing little to convince Eris of anything other than that Rhys surely was the most manipulative male he had ever come across, he stole that crown right from Beron's decaying corpse.

Resisting a snarl, Rhys exhaled deeply, unclenching his fists as he began a perfectly practiced speech, "My sister is not quite herself at the moment, I fear that she has made the wrong decision in residing in your court, her mental state has always been rather brittle," he took a step toward the boarder, his toes kissing the edge of that shimmering glare, "Give her back to us so that I can ensure that she receives the proper care."

"If y/n desires to return to the Night Court then she can, I'm not stopping her from doing whatever she wishes," Eris replied flatly, completely unphased to the words that were making his blood boil in his veins, did Rhys really have the gall to suggest that you were insane?

Azriel spoke then, realising that there was no realm of possibility where Eris would willingly give you back, "You stole her from the Day Court. Some would call it war-inducing."

There it was, the threat, Eris smiled, "Is that what you want? Another war?"

"I will do whatever is necessary to ensure her safe return to her home court."

Lucien moved to Eris' side, his muscles contracting with anger, "The Night Court is no longer her home," his voice was stoic and unnerving, his gaze daggered between the three Illyrians, "Eris did not steal her, she decided with her own strength to walk away from you, and she is already better for it."

Then, Rhys grinned, his power rattling against the wards around the Autumn Court, "I think you'll find, Lucien, that y/n belongs to me, she is property of the Night Court, her blood is a powerful tool that we can use to solidify our line. Since she is unmated, with no claim to her hand, it does mean that as long as she breathes, she is mine."

The words were a statement, and Rhys' voice did not falter. It was an old tradition, one marred in hatred and sadness. You were the daughter of a High Lord, and when he died, the archaic responsibility of marrying you into a suitable line fell to Rhys.

"I do suggest that you hand her over, I would hate to decimate your court, Eris. Especially when you've been working so hard to rectify the tyranny of your father," Rhys' hand drifted over his heart in mock sympathy.

There was no way in Hel that Eris would ever do such a thing, and he knew that there was no easy way for Rhys to willingly wage war on another court after what Prythian had only begun fully recovering from.

It was risky, but he couldn't let Rhys think he had him pinned to the frozen dirt like a snow fox to a bunny, "Rally your armies then, Rhysand, because there's no reality that exists where I would ever hand her over to you," then a feline smirk consumed his face, he ran his hand through his hair of fire and struck hard, "It seems to me that you only wish for her return so that no one learns what she is capable of. I intend to let her find out, and perhaps when the others realise too, of her story and what you've done, we may have High Queen on our hands."

Darkness exploded from him, his arms elongated into talons, his wings grew and creaked at the stretch like leather, he roared, an inhuman sound that sent shivers prickling down Eris and Lucien's spines; and even Azriel and Cassian had to step back with wide eyes at the sight of it.

Bingo.

With a graceful bow, Eris turned on his heels, beckoning his growling hounds whose hackles had raised to the skies, "I wish you a safe journey home, Rhysand. Send Feyre our collective regards," he called over his shoulder, not even flinching at the roar that flew threw the air.

They had what they wanted, the reason for Rhys' insistence, he knew that you had the power within you to be granted the highest honour of their world, and he had worked his entire existence to stop that from happening.

If Rhys wanted a war, then that's what he would get. Eris would rain hellfire over Prythian, and he knew for a fact that you would stand beside him smiling the entire time.

Eris and Lucien couldn't have been more relieved to be back at Fir Manor, the warmth of the estate shook their frozen bones back to life and they bristled off the jagged edges left by the words exchanged with Rhys.

Stones clunked together under their feet, but a hand on his arm stopped Eris moving to the house that was glowing with the essence of you. Golden light emitted from the windows and kissed the cobbled path before it, and girlish laughter drifted from the open windows along with the most divine smell.

"Before we go back in, I have to ask you something," Eris tensed and turned to his brother, his hair was unbound down the back of his fur coat, his mechanical eye surveyed him inquisitively, "Did you mean what you said back there? You'd go to war for her?"

Eris could had scoffed at the question, he removed his arm from his brothers grip and turned to the manor, smiling at the sight of you, Nesta, and Elain all dancing before the window, the neck of a wine bottle in your fingers and a sweet melody falling from your lips. Elain was cradling Willow in her arms who looked thrilled to be involved whilst Nesta had her own arms wound around your waist.

"Would you go to war for Elain?"

"Without question."

The sound of Eris' message being received was enough, but he spoke, "I have a feeling it won't come to that though. Call it a hunch."

Lucien hummed, not quite sure of what Eris meant, but followed after him as he paced down the path and up the porch steps, flinging the door open and grinning at your startled state as you fumbled to hide the wine bottle behind your back, "You're back," you whispered to him, the strap of your form fitting green dress falling over your shoulder which you didn't move to lift as you gazed at him.

His face was prickled with cold, his cheeks flush from walking into the heated manor from the wild winter winds; Eris shrugged off his coat and lay the garment over the arm of one of the armchairs of the seating area, pulling his sleeves up to expose his forearms, "I'm back."

"I'm here too, just in case anyone wanted to know," Lucien all but rolled his eyes at you as he passed, pressing his lips to Elain's forehead who fell into his embrace with Willow still firmly swaddled to her body, "Who's been cooking? I could smell it from outside," he delved deeper into the house despite Elain's scolding telling him that dinner wasn't ready yet.

Nesta followed the pair with a groan, taking the bottle of wine from behind your back and muttering something about saving the meal from Lucien's paws, leaving you and Eris alone.

Fiddling with your fingers, you took a step toward him, noticing a strand of his hair fall over his face and watching as his fingers moved to rake it back, such a thigh-clenching thing to witness. "How was it?"

"It was fine," his eyes still held a cold glare to them, one that was waning the longer it was fixated upon you, "We got what we needed."

"Which was?”

The nerves radiating from you were making even Eris feel nervous, he tiled his head to the side and took a step closer to you, his hands at his sides, "Not worthy enough to talk of now. Let's have tonight as a newly formed found family, and tomorrow, we can talk. I'll tell you everything you want to know."

Another step forward was taken by you, the hem of your dress swaying at the motion. You were so close to him that he could feel your warmth seep into his bones, so close that his cold breath made your own cheeks flush red.

It felt natural, to close the gap and fling your arms around him, to bury your face into his chest and deeply inhale his scent like you needed that to know that he had come back to you. There was a single beat where Eris just stood there frozen to the ground, but he slowly ran his fingers up your sides until one of them rested around your waist and the other cradled the back of your head, his nose rested atop of you, his lips ghosting at your hairline.

"I was worried," you admitted, squeezing him closer, thinking that if you didn't tell him that then he would think you weren't appreciative of the position he was now in.

Eris chuckled, it was low and rough, swirls of fire danced around your figures and his thumb rubbed small circles into the back of your neck, "You can't be rid of me that easily, Fawn."

The scampering of steps made you pull back from him, and he yearned to hold you again without a care about who would see and what they would say. Lucien entered the room once more holding a beautifully decorated cupcake in his hand, a raised brow on his face and fighting a smirk once he noted your closeness, "These cakes are amazing, y/n."

"Thank you, Lucien," you swayed back and forth on the balls of your feet, your eyes drowsy with drunkenness.

"I sent for dinner for your three, why are you cooking?" Eris asked, confused, only a fool would turn down food from the Autumn Court chefs.

Nesta shrugged, plopping herself down on one of the deep rooted chairs, licking her fingers free from icing, "Elain sent them away, says she can do better."

"Which you're now all ruining thanks to her cakes," Elain's hands were on her hips and she pointed to you, her apron was coated in flour, her hair was strewn up and messy, and it was clear that she was busy cooking before you and Nesta had pulled her from the kitchen to dance, "They are rather lovely, y/n. You should be thrilled."

Eris' heart fluttered as you turned to him, a hopeful glint in your eye, "Would you like to try one? I think you'd like them," he couldn't speak, he couldn't find the words really.

The firelight made you look ethereal, the golden flames danced in the glistening pools in your eyes, so pristine that he could see himself in them, "I'm afraid that I don't have much of a sweet tooth," your smile faltered, "I'm sorry."

The gaze he felt on his face was enough to make him warm the blood in warning to its owner, Lucien coughed, red faced and watering eyes and you turned to him with worry before he strained the words, "Sorry, crumb," a lie.

"Okay," you whistled, not at all noticing the silent daggers drifting between the two Vanserra brothers, which was odd considering how observant you usually were, perhaps it was the wine floating to your head.

Maybe you were letting your guard down and didn't feel the need to be watching everyone anymore.

Eris watched you retreat into the kitchen with Elain, waiting until you were out of view before he readied himself for Lucien, "I cannot remember a time when you denied yourself a dessert."

"Things change."

"Not with you they don't," Lucien stared after his mate, his eyes full of love and desire, full of possibility and thoughts of the future.

When the news had spread of Lucien and Elain's mating, Eris was truly happy for them, out of everyone he knew his brother was the one most deserving of that happiness, of that type of love. Eris couldn't say the same for himself, he didn't think he deserved any light after the things he had done, after the atrocities he had inflicted over the course of his existence. Having a mate was something he could never allow himself to dream of, everything he touched turned to ask, his fire and mask too cold to allow anyone close enough.

Eris had depleted his worth, he never let anyone touch him, he would cower from it like a wounded animal. Even when he laid with the courtesans, their time together was restricted to just sex, no kissing, no holding one another, just unsatisfying sex that made him bathe in self-loathing whilst his partner relished in the feeling of being fucked by fire.

There was always a part of him that felt unworthy, his father had gone as far to tell him so, multiple times. Every touch sent him spiralling into memories, ones of mutilation and marring, but when you had touched him, when you had wrapped your arms around him and held him close, he didn't feel the need to shrink away or unwind you from his body. All he wanted to do was keep you there forever, and that, that was something remarkable on its own.

You may have been Prythian's darkest secret, but he found you to be the only thing worth fighting for.

His salvation.

It wasn't long after dinner that you had disappeared from view.

It didn't take Eris long to embark on his search from you, excusing himself from the table that had long since gone quiet without your teasing stories of your upbringing and playdates with the High Lord beside you.

Eris didn't think that you would remember your visits to Autumn when you were a child, thinking that you were too young to retain the memories that he had held onto tightly. You were such an innocent little thing back then, and he remembered his wonderment when you had seen the orange ring in your eyes, displaying his own fire to compare the two and enjoying the sound of your giggles far too much.

He was sure that there was talk of a union between the two of you, he remembered the hushed whispers and beaming smiles of pride as both sets of parents gazed at the two of you playing in the corner with Lucien and Rhys adjacent. Though, neither of your brothers could steal your attention away from the other.

It was what he had held onto all of those years apart, in the moment when the light began to dim and the abuse began to accelerate, in the times when he wondered where you had gone. There were gaps in his mind, like memories had been stolen and locked elsewhere because he couldn't truly remember the last time he had seen you before the time he had caught a glimpse of your wingless figure wandering the halls Under The Mountain.

Eris wandered down the halls of the manor, following your scent that clung to the walls, absentmindedly pondering where exactly he would place a portrait of you in the vast home.

The sound of gentle whimpers entered his earshot and he stopped in his tracks, turning his head to the side to listen harder. He knew that the whimpers were coming from you, they weren't scared ones, but ones of pain, and his heart raced in his chest at the mere thought of you being in any form of pain under his roof.

Knocking softly on the door to your room, his old room, the grandest chamber in the entire manor, he waited patiently and listened to the shuffle of your feet and the soft padding of your companion before the door opened to reveal your strained features and a certain hound peeking around the wood, "You left."

Turning from him, you winced, leaving the door open enough for him to let himself inside, "I get these knots under my scars, it feels like I'm being stabbed, and I just need a minute when it starts."

Eris had heard of it, of the pain residing in the bones and muscles of clipped Illyrian females, sometimes so severe that they believe a new pair are pushing their way through the marred crescent moon scars, and breaking a little when they realised that it wasn't the case.

"It's been happening more recently, I think it might be stress related," you huffed out a laugh. It wouldn't be surprising, you had gone through enough to have permanent knots twisting at your shoulders, "Mor or Azriel usually tend to them," your voice was full of longing as you perched on the edge of the chaise lounge before the roaring fireplace. Willow had hopped up onto the plush piece of furniture, spinning in three circles before settling her head into your lap. Eris made a note to scold her for that later.

The tattoo on your arm shone in the golden embers, swirls of shadow and fire intertwining and dancing around your bicep, "I can help."

"Eris," you winced softly as you turned your head to him, "I couldn't ask you to do that, you've done so much already."

"You're not asking," he moved behind you, his fingers hovering over the sheer fabric of your dress that was transparent enough for him to see the muscle contorting under your skin, "If all I can give you is some relief, then I will."

A moment passed as you thought about it, but you nodded, giving him permission to unlace the strings holding the back of your dress together and pull the straps over your shoulders.

Eris' fingers were warm against your skin, you sucked in a breath at the contact, you felt fire spread across your surface as his gently wound his fingers into your flesh, "I want to try something." When you said nothing, he took it as a sign of agreement, he allowed his fire to flow into his fingertips, the heat of them unwinding the knot in your muscles instantly, withering the demon under your skin into the abyss, "Better?"

"Much," you glanced over your shoulder, "Thank you," your eyes were dazed and you smiled at him, your own fingers running down the space between Willow's eyes and down her long nose.

A question had been poking at him the moment he had seen it, the tattoo that glowed in the light, the one that when you looked at it for a moment too long seemed to dance, "That tattoo. It was a bargain?"

A solemn nod, "Yes," you confirmed, "Between Azriel and I," you gazed into the fire and sighed, but you didn't move away from Eris when he took the seat beside you, "We promised that we would always look after one another, that we would never feel harm at the other's hand."

You smiled sadly, "Azriel and I weren't so different, we were both raised by people who didn't particularly want us, burdened with a power we didn't understand. I think we understood one another in a way no one else could, we knew what we needed and when, we basically knew each other better than we knew ourselves," your voice trailed off, "At least, I thought we did," tears pooled on your bottom lids and you blinked hard to rid your vision of their blurry infliction.

Eris watched you shudder, the loneliness and betrayal worming its way into your soul like you had realised the gravity of it all.

Shuffling closer, Eris' thigh brushed against your own, his fingers millimetres away from yours and he gave into his desire to touch you as his index finger curled around your little one. A simple action to show that he understood, and more a singular moment, you let your guard down, the walls tumbled and you felt his power wash over you, kissing your own and sewing together the brittle remnants of your essence.

The room shifted, the world tilted, and you felt a sensation you had never felt before. Looking down, you found black flames licking up your fingers, they danced up your arms and across your connected digits to curl around Eris.

Neither of you moved, you both simply gazed at it, his fire and your darkness moulding together to create a wonderous crackle of flame that didn't burn either of you. It was softly calling out, and you raised your entwined fingers to inspect it carefully.

It was meant to be terrifying, but the personification of your darkness felt more childlike than anything, it was excited and new, and it nestled itself onto both of your limbs.

"I've never seen anything like this before," Eris held your palm atop of his own, his fingers smoothing over your pulse as his eyes found you, examining your face, namely your eyes where the fire in them burnt brightly.

Eris should have cowered away from you, but he loved your touch more than anything, and no matter how fleeting it may be, he would bathe in it for as long as he possibly could. "Neither have I," you tilted your head, realisation was littered on you, "But I've read about it. It's called Carranam, I think." The look in your enlightened eyes told him of the rarity of such a thing.

"You really are a clever little thing, aren't you?"

A sidelong glance and smirk later, you drawled, "You don't even know the half of it, High Lord."

Author's Note

Here she is!!!

Hope you love this and are going just as feral as me right now 🫶🏻

Taglist

@mybestfriendmademe @jesskidding3 @rosewood-cafe @fandomarchiveilyd @brujitafantomatico @crazylokonugget @mai-adaptive-dreams @magicstrengthandcourage @acourtofmoonlightandstars @ysmttty @lilah-asteria @circe143 @xyzmeh @paleidiot @namelesssav @amberlynn98 @acourtofbatboydreams @azrielsmate3 @ivy-34 @mp-littlebit @honeysuckle-daydreams13 @iamjimintrash @ifonlyiwerefiction @pirana10 @donttellthecats @padbaeamidla

[lucrativesoul]

The Neighbor

summary: you just moved into a new condominium and have the pleasure of meeting your new, older neighbor, Leon. instantly, you are smitten, and he wants to know more about you. oh, and you work as an online cam model.

pairing: id!leon kennedy x fem!reader

word count: 7.3k

warnings: smut, fingering, masturbation, turning leon into an obedient little boy

a/n: take a shot every time i use a boring title... this plot came to me in a dream. of course, i immediately had to turn it into a leon story. sorry for being gone so long! life has been crazy for me. don't worry, i'm still here and trying to think up new ideas! help is always welcome. I'm still getting love on my other fics which is soo appreciated. i hope you all enjoy this one, and i will be back with another!

You were exhausted from the day, and you had to take a moment to splay yourself out on your floor, taking in your new environment. You worked to bring yourself here, so you will enjoy it however you please for the moment.

You found yourself in a new location, able to move out of your one bedroom apartment into a large condo, with the addition of a loft and second bedroom. Surely you knew it was more than you needed, but the satisfaction of knowing you could make this price back easily was too much to resist. 

Pushing yourself up onto your hands, legs still stretched outward on the carpet, you grazed your eyes over the large boxes you had spent all day moving into this room. You had friends helping you all day with furniture and other boxes, but these you knew you had to take care of by yourself, in case one of them accidentally opened. Yes, your closest friends knew what you did for work, but you would prefer to keep it to your small circle. 

Taking a deep breath, you pushed yourself up onto your feet, immediately getting to unpacking and setting this room up. You were sitting on a small stockpile of content to post white you were in the process of setting up, which you did warn your audience about and were slowly posting your way through, but you were too eager to put this room to use. It made you want to turn on the camera at the mere thought.

Two hours later, the sun was now kissing the tips of the trees and the sky was golden. The windows all around were open, cooling you off, and before you could comfortably retire for the night, you had one last touch to your filming room.

You reached into the final box, intending to pull out the tripod, but seeing the box empty. 

“What the…” You mumbled to yourself, looking around the room. You knew it was the last box, and were sure you didn't already take it out. You signed, almost a groan. “Fuck.” At least this would be the real final trip to the car.

The air felt nice on your heated skin, and with every passing minute it got darker. You popped open your trunk, rifling through the miscellaneous bags that were littered back there, probably with shoes and clothes that you could take in later. The tripod was buried underneath them.

Closing the trunk, you were about to stalk back inside when a figure off to the left made you jump. A man was standing by the street, headed your way.

You almost ran for it. You had your anxieties related to doing what you do, but you kept very cautious, and knew no one except your friends knew where you were located. Plus, there were units all around. You had to assume this was a neighbor.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” You shook your head in an it’s alright response. A man with a medium build and a few inches on you walked over, and stopped a few feet from your car. At least he had the decency to keep distance. “I live right next to you. I was watching everyone bring boxes in earlier, please know I would have helped if I wasn’t home for only an hour in between my shifts. I’m Leon,” He held his hand out to you, you shook it, and responded with your own name.

“No, please don’t worry. We were totally good with help, there were almost too many people in there.” You giggled lightly, no longer feeling an intimidation off of him. “One day was all we needed. I’m sure I’ll be unpacking for months to come though.”

He chuckled. “That’s how I was when I was younger too, I moved a few times and put all my friends on an unpaid job to move and pack for me, saved me a ton of time, but that was the last time I trusted them to not lose any of my things.” In the last wisps of sunlight, you could see the golden light bouncing off his hair, long-ish, almost fell over one of his eyes, but cropped behind the ears. Stubble framed his strong chin. Good to know I have an attractive neighbor.

“I was keeping a very careful watch over them, trust me.” You shifted on your feet, recognizing the feeling creeping up inside of you. The urge to bare yourself for your audience, the innocent look in this man’s eyes, but your thoughts were forcing his face into itself. You almost felt guilty, you were sure Leon’s family would not appreciate these thoughts. “Glad I got to meet you, though, better sooner than later, so I can feel familiar with at least one person so far.” You looked towards his house, kitchen light on. “Hopefully I can meet your… um, wife?” An audible question on the last word, you could only assume he was old enough to be married.

He laughed stronger this time, but not at you. He shook his head. “It’s just me.” He said softly. His eyes grazed down to what you were holding this whole time. “You’re a photographer?”

You looked down, remembering what you had come out here for. “Oh, um… not really, I… make content. Like, youtube.” It was the safest option that you could throw out on the table, definitely not about to air out your business to this man you just met a minute ago. You were suddenly glad your filming room didn’t have any connecting walls to his space. 

“Hey, that’s cool, I can’t say I’m familiar with that profession, but I can imagine it's more fun than a 9-5.” Oh, it definitely is, you thought. “I don’t want to keep you out here, go get settled, I’m sure it was a long day.” He took a step backward, but his eyes didn’t leave yours. “If you ever need something, I’m here. Don’t be shy.” With a greeting, he disappeared into his house, and you soaked in the air to cool your skin before you knew you would be heating up again in due time.

–

Nothing but waves of bliss racked your body. It was exactly how you planned on ending this night.

You can’t really recall when you made this decision to switch from your original career path to this. A basic, calm life just wasn't what you were looking for. You liked the thrill, you liked doing what you shouldn’t be, and baring yourself online to hundreds of strangers was the furthest thing from your old path of being a teacher. Naturally, it attracted you, and it took over your life. You were always rational about it, no one on your page knew what you looked like, and you always found that ironic, how you felt so comfortable showing anonymous people you masturbating, but got nervous at the idea that they knew who you were. You didn’t care, though. It put you in this new home.

You closed down your stream with many thanks and gifts from your audience, and simply laid there for a moment, cooling down and catching your breath. Your phone showed it was 10:33 PM. You probably could have gone for much longer, but the day was finally catching up to you, and after a shower, you knew you would be sleeping instantly.

What you hadn’t expected, however, was the immediate dreams about your older neighbor, whom you had just met hours before.

You felt his large hands over your waist, on your neck, pulling you in to be closer to him. His body enveloped yours, the heat between you two spreading, his soft mouth gracing the skin of your neck, and you ached to be with him. The touch was so real, you were melting under him. You needed him to keep touching you, you felt him all over you. With every inch he moved his hands, you felt fuller by the second, ready to explode if he told you to. 

You rolled over, face hitting the pillow, the last of his touch fading off of your skin. You sighed deeply, annoyed that this dream put you in this mood first thing in the morning, not even a chance to wake up.

Pushing your dream aside, you still had a ton of work to do in your new home. Boxes were still laid about everywhere, and it felt like it would never come together at all. Now or never, and you dragged yourself out of bed.

–

The evening was already closing in, and you stood in your opened garage, breaking down the boxes that no longer needed to serve its purpose. You had gotten more done than you were expecting, and subconsciously, every time you stepped outside to dispose of more cardboard, your eyes darted sideways to your neighbor's house. You hadn’t seen his car when he walked over last night, probably parking in his own garage, so you had no idea if he was home right now. You didn’t risk staring, as you could only assume the dark windows meant he was working. It at least gave you a little peace of mind while you worked.

Your phone started ringing a few seconds later. Seeing your friend’s name, you sighed, grateful for a moment of relief. Typically, these moments turned into an hour or two, but you weren’t complaining, you had done enough organizing today.

As predicted, you spent the next thirty minutes leaning against your car and chatting with your friend, who, yes you had just seen yesterday, but still had more to say. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw headlights pull down the street to your unit, and swung in and disappeared next door. Your stomach involuntarily lurched, being nervous to see Leon again.

You weren’t sure why, the interaction you had yesterday was nothing extreme, was barely anything at all, and the dream lasted a minute at most. It couldn’t have been anything besides the dream, it felt all too real for you to just forget it happened. Now, you knew, you were cursed with this knowledge that you had a sex dream about this man. 

You watched as the garage door shut behind his car, let out a sigh, and changed the topic of conversation.

“Okay… something odd happened last night.” You spoke to your friend, keeping your voice low.

“Odd? Oh god, it’s not haunted, right?”

You rolled your eyes. “No, it’s not haunted. I met my neighbor.”

You heard your friend gasp. “Oh, my god, and he's totally hot, right?” You could hear the fake voice she was putting on. “This is just like a lifetime movie. The hot neighbor, the little shy girl.”

“Shy girl? Where are you getting these ideas about me?” You smiled as you heard her laugh. “But, no, you’re like, right. He is hot. I don’t know how old he is, but definitely way older than me. I said I would look forward to meeting his wife, too, but he said it was just him. He was literally in my dream last night. I don't know what’s come over me.” You sighed, peeking to your left again.

“Woah, so, what I’m hearing is you’re making a movie with him.”

You scoffed. “Are you kidding me? I am not telling him. This is way past his time. He probably thinks it’s whore-ish.”

“Gotta prove him wrong, though.”

You pondered it, but knew it was no use trying to think it into reality. This was the one thing you knew you couldn’t tell anybody, they might say it doesn’t bother them, but it always did. Leon was nice enough to introduce himself the day you moved in, and waiting even any amount of time to tell him what you do would be a huge mistake. Better to let him keep thinking you did youtube-type content.

“Thanks for the idea. I’m definitely not taking your advice.”

–

You were standing in your kitchen, washing the few plates you used for your own dinner when the doorbell ringing out through the home made you jump. It was probably a friend, but you were confused at the lack of warning before showing up. At least you weren’t upstairs.

Opening the door, you were stunned in a momentary silence when none other than Leon was standing at your doorstep, one hand in his pocket, the other holding his mail. 

“Oh, hi Leon, I thought you were one of my friends.” You opened the door wider, but stayed planted, letting him stay outside.

“I guess I don’t have a great track record for not scaring you so far.” He smiled and tilted his head gently, and you responded with a smile. “I got some of your mail by accident. Couldn’t open your mailbox back up so, just thought I’d bring it by since I saw your light on.” You reached out and took an envelope from him, realizing it was from your cam company. Your stomach twisted for a moment, but you just hoped he didn’t recognize the name.

“Oh, thank you, I hope you won’t be making this trip too often for just that, then.” You lowered your hand, and suddenly remembered a problem you encountered earlier in the day. “Actually, Leon, since you are here, do you think you could help me quickly? I was trying to put things into my kitchen cabinets, and I accidentally pushed something too far back, and I can’t reach it now.” You bowed your head bashfully.

“Yeah, of course, lead the way.”

You stepped aside to let him in, and after shutting the door, walked through the hall into the kitchen. You pointed up to the cabinet above the refrigerator, instructing Leon on what you needed to be pulled forward. You stepped back, watching.

He acted like it was nothing, while you had struggled to even reach it in the first place. With one hand bracing himself on the counter top, he reached up. Your eyes were instantly drawn to the hem of his shirt, which lifted with his body movements, and you were in a trance immediately. His waistband was sitting just a hair below the band of his underwear, which sat delicately on his hips. You could see the curve of the muscle along his torso, clearly evident that he works out or has an active job, and from the side, the thin hairs of his happy trail were showing, disappearing into his pants. It lasted for all of a few seconds, but it burned in your brain. It was all you needed.

When you looked up, hoping to cut yourself off, Leon was already looking at you. You had no words, hoping he had something to say, knowing he for sure saw you staring.

“Easy fix. Try not to push it too far back all the time.” He turned around, giving you a lingering glance, a small grin on his face. You followed him back to the door. “Unless you just need more excuses to talk to me besides a mail mix up.” You nodded, standing at the threshold while he hopped down the stairs, turning his head and throwing a wink at you before disappearing. It took another ten seconds of collecting yourself before you could shut the door behind him.

–

It was not long at all before you saw Leon again, you couldn't resist needing to see him. There was no way he didn’t catch you staring when you invited him in, there was no chance he couldn’t tell the way you were looking at him. God, you barely knew the man but there was something about him that made your stomach stir. You were thinking about him while filming your content, the thought of him made you finish harder than you had ever made yourself finish before. You teased the thought of filming with him, even, and that had you weak. You knew he would never do it, whatever he did for work, it was probably much more legit to society than yours was.

You had invited him to come over tonight for drinks a few days ago. He was on his way out as you were on the way in, and decided to rip the bandaid off and invite him over to spend time with you. What brought this on? Nothing except the onslaught of thoughts of him, and a little convincing from your best friend, of course.

Taking a shot in the dark, you had on a small black dress. It was casual enough to be worn around company, but styled so it read obviously as, we’re drinking at my house and I need you to look at my body. You hoped the message would be received. 

The nerves were starting to boil up, and he wasn't even in your house yet. You unscrewed the nearest bottle of clear liquor and threw back a shot, needing to warm up your system and shut down your nervous response. It wasn’t going to be a big deal, he’s just the neighbor.

There was no time for the shot to kick in before knocking was heard through your quiet home. Swallowing the heartbeat rapidly rising in your throat, you stalked over to the door and swung it open.

Leon was casual, but looking the same as he did the night you met him. Nothing about it deterred you, it only drove your inner lust even further.

“Not too early, right?” Leon grinned as you slid aside for him to enter.

“Not at all. Maybe even late, I’m a few drinks ahead already.” He laughed as he followed you, and you were hyper aware of the way your body was moving throughout your house. You grabbed a glass and offered him what you have, and sat next to him at your island, facing him with a wine glass in hand.

“What do you do for work, by the way? All I remember is you mentioning your odd hours.” You took a sip as he started answering you.

“I work with the government, technically. I used to be a lot more active when I was younger, but now They have me just go in whenever they need me. Used to be a lot of physical work, but I’m not that good anymore.” He had a shy grin on his face and lowered his gaze into his glass.

“What? You’re kidding, You still look like you’d be perfectly fit for an active job. I don’t believe that.”

He looked up and made eye contact with you. “I’m glad you think so, someday I’ll have to prove it to you.” A lapse of silence, for once the alcohol didn’t give you a prompt to respond with. Leon was still looking into your eyes, and you felt a heat rising in your chest. He straightened up suddenly. “You know, I’m curious how similar this unit is to my own, I’ve never been in any of them. Tour?” He grinned, and you slid off your seat after a giggle.

You walked into the dining room. “Still empty, obviously, I probably won’t ever use this, I like eating in my kitchen more.” Leon kept his drink in hand as you two walked. You left the dining room and down the short hall into the living room. “Maybe one of my favorite rooms, I love looking up into the loft.” You both looked up to the high ceilings and the loft railing to the left.

“Let’s go up there.” He lowered his gaze from the loft to you. You felt your stomach twist momentarily, knowing exactly what was up there, but you couldn’t say no, that would make it all the more suspicious. You nodded after a second, leaving the living room and turning left to take the stairs. You could feel his eyes on you, your body felt hot, and you hoped to god that you shut the door when you were done last night.

At the landing, you sighed with relief, seeing the closed door. You needed to make sure it stayed shut.

“This is just… storage, really. Since my room is downstairs and I don’t have much stuff.” You walked further down the landing, gesturing to your left as you did so. “And the bathroom. Is this similar at all to yours?”

Leon approached you. “It actually is, just a little different. I guess I should have expected that.” He let out a low chuckle, and you mirrored him. You turned back to the railing, looking down into your living room.

“Once I think I’m really settled, I’m probably going to paint these tall walls. I really love the idea of a dark space, hopefully the office will sign off on a dark color, you know how they are sometimes.” After no immediate answer, you continued. “It’s crazy moving into this space, my old apartment was like… the size of my entryway, so I barely have anything to fill it here, but I have high hopes.” Lost in your daydreaming, the silence snapped you out of it. Leon was not standing next to you like you thought.

Turning your head to the right, you found him standing in the doorway of your filming room, which he had cracked open and flicked a light on inside.

“Leon!” You could only stand there as he remained still, looking into the room, hand on the doorknob. When he turned his head to look at you, he was grinning.

“Sorry to pry.” He stalked back over to you, not bothering to close the door. “I get curious sometimes.” You stared at him with wide eyes, no words coming to your head. “You make… youtube videos?” 

You could practically hear the light goading in his tone, the smile still on his face. You didn’t need to look into the room to know what he saw, and now he knows you were lying. 

You weren’t exactly the tidiest person, especially when it comes to this room. While you are on camera, you shed your clothes and lingerie and toss them off to the side, and usually don’t pick them up until the next day. You were no stranger to using toys during performances, and you were sure there were plenty of those lying about on the floor as well. You couldn’t see them, but you knew you used them last night, and don’t remember putting them away after cleaning them.

You struggled to think of something to say, the silence was stretching thin now, and you hated looking so… guilty. His grin was growing by the second. It was making your stomach churn.

“I… never actually said youtube.” You sputtered.

He chuckled, a low, throaty sound that almost made you weak. “No, I suppose you didn’t. So, what kind of videos then?” He tilted his head, obviously knowing the state he is putting you in right now.

You took a deep breath in, tying together all of your courage to maintain eye contact with him. Quickly, you assessed the situation. One: He liked what he was doing to you. He seemed entertained by the embarrassment he was bringing you right now, much to your annoyance that you would deal with later. Two: He caught you staring at his body the other night when you asked him for help. He didn't say anything at the time, but you locked eyes right after you were staring at his muscle ridges, and he had that same shit-eating grin on his face. Three: He was not deterred by the idea of you doing this for a job, in fact, it seemed like he enjoyed the idea, just as much as he enjoyed teasing you.

After these brief thoughts, you forced yourself to spit out words that you never would have otherwise.

“Would you let me show you?”

Leon’s head slowly straightened, and the grin melted from his features, but his eyes never left yours, and the fervor in them only grew stronger. His dark gaze pierced into you, and you felt it straight in your heat, and in that moment, you knew you had your answer to that question.

With the hand that was free from your drink, and eyes never leaving his, you took Leon’s into your own, the rough, warm skin heating your fingers and palm, and you walked past him into your filming room, and you heard him close the door behind you.

You turned around, wasting no time in ridding your hands of both of your drinks, and you stared at him again for a moment. You couldn't help the shaky inhale, overwhelmed with the absolute excitement of getting to do this right now. You took a step towards him, lifting your hand up and gently placing it on his cheek, pulling him in for a kiss.

He immediately responded to the touch, his lips pressing into yours. His hand snaked around your hips, pulling you in closer, and you could feel his torso on yours, the heat radiating, adding to your burn. You could feel his grip, and by the mere workings of his mouth alone, you could tell he wanted this just as much as you did. 

He backed you up a step, pushing you further into your room, feeling the plush carpet underneath your feet, knowing he was most likely going to try and attempt to lower you onto your bean bag behind you, but you had other plans. 

Right before Leon could lift your legs to set you down, you stood up straight, breaking away from his mouth with a thin saliva string. He looked caught off guard, mid-lean into a kiss, opening his eyes to watch your moves with confusion.

“Sit down.” You whispered loud enough for him to hear. He obeyed your request, sitting on the plush bean bag looking eager. You sunk onto your knees in front of him, watching as he leaned forward with anticipation. You gave in to one last urge– you leaned in and kissed him briefly– before leaning back, supporting yourself on your hands and your legs presented in front of you. You watched as his stare worked all the way down your body, over your chest, onto your legs, in between them. You were sure your lingerie was on display under your dress by this point, but this was the exact reason you put it on. 

“I want to show you my favorite kind of video to make.” You spoke without shame to him, wanting to see the reaction you can pull out of him. You could swear you saw him visibly swallow at your words, aching to see what you were going to show him. “You’re going to listen to me, okay?” He locked eyes with you, deep and sultry, and slowly nodded. “And you aren’t going to touch me until I tell you to.” He audibly sighed at this, both frustrated and turned on by the idea of only getting to watch. You felt slick gathering, stomach in a knot still, all too excited about the show you were about to put on.

“Tell me what kind of videos you think I make, now.” You never broke eye contact, but he wasn't ashamed to let his own eyes roam. You could tell they were glued onto the black panties plastered onto your wet pussy.

He sighed, and shuddered quickly. “You probably show yourself off to a whole audience.” He tilted his head, looking further into you. “Do you play with yourself on camera?” 

You leaned forward, shielding your core from his gaze, and he met your eyes. You pulled your legs under you, sitting up on your knees, slowly peeling your dress off your body from the bottom hem, bringing it over your head. Despite being momentarily blinded, you knew he was looking at every inch of exposed skin. The tiny matching bra didn’t leave much for imagination, your nipples clearly on display under the mesh fabric.

The dress was thrown behind you without grace, and you returned to your position in front of Leon. He was practically sliding off of the bean bag, wanting to touch you all over, but listening to your earlier command. 

“Did you think someone like me could do something like that?”

In between rapid heavy breathing, he replied, “I… I don’t know. I do now. Your body is incredible. You could.” 

“Would you watch me?” He nodded, spitting out a few ‘yes’s. “What would you want to see me do? I usually do what people ask me to do.” You slowly leaned in closer, bringing your face just under his, waiting to see if he would move. You backed up again, scooting backwards on the floor, and with a gesture of come closer with your finger, he followed, sitting on the floor now, still not touching you. 

“I would want you to take it all off. I want to see your body.” You giggled at his request.

“I could make that work… eventually.” He groaned at this, and you couldn't help but smile even more. “What else? Tell me.”

He sighed again, still locked in a stare with all your bare skin. “I want to see you play with yourself. I want to see you finger yourself… and play with your clit.”

You felt a sharp sensation travel straight to said clit at these words, and your thighs quivered with anticipation. You were sure you got your dominating point across– as dominating as you could stand to be in this situation. Leon was struggling, visibly, at that, and you were, too, but you were enjoying this too much to want to stop.

“Would you be touching yourself while I fingered myself?” Your legs fell open wider at the knees, feeling your folds peel apart. You needed contact there, but you could wait. 

Leon nodded. ”I would. I wouldn’t be able to help it.” Only at this moment did you decide to divert your gaze, leaving his sculpted face to look at his crotch, an obvious erection straining against his pants, and his face almost contorted in pain from the pressure of it. 

“Do you want to touch yourself now?” 

He groaned again, his head rolling to the side. “So bad… I want to touch you so bad.”

You took a moment to examine the state of this grown man in front of you. You didn’t even know his age, but he was at least more than ten years older than you. He was practically begging for you to do something, for you to let him do something, sitting on your floor, falling apart at the seams, probably going to cum in his pants if you exposed yourself to him right now. You almost wanted to see it happen.

You held out your left hand to him. “Give me a hand.”

He wasted no time in outstretching his right hand to you, and once you had it in your grasp, you leaned forward and closed your mouth around his middle and right finger. Even just the contact of your tongue on his hand was enough to have him writhing, wanting more but not asking for it. Your tongue circled each finger individually, both at the same time, biting lightly to tease him. He was leaning as far forward as his body would allow without crashing into your body, and you couldn’t remove your eyes from his face, pleasure written all over it.

You were in full performing mode now, but this was a whole new level, giving you the added adrenaline for the moment. You knew exactly how to seduce, and while that had never been a problem for you, you felt like a professional right now with the way Leon was falling for you.

With one last long lick to his fingers, you removed his hand from your mouth and held it out in front of you. “You get to touch me, I want you to finger me,” His eyebrows furrowed for a split second, relieved at hearing those words. “But you can only use this hand.” He came even closer, but didn’t touch you yet. You still held his hand in yours. “Okay?”

“Okay…” He whispered breathily, and without even blinking, he watched as you propped yourself up onto your knees and pulled your underwear off of your body, casting them aside, and resuming position.

Your heart thrummed erratically in your chest as you felt totally in control of what Leon could do to you right now, you felt like you might die. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from your naked core, fucking you with his stare, and you felt that twist in your gut again, wanting to make it happen, but needing to show him who was in charge. 

He sighed, sounding like he was, too, having a hard time holding himself together, and he didn’t waste another second before you felt his hand make contact with your aching pussy.

It started with the pad of his thumb, you almost bucked your hips up in relief at the feeling of him pressing firmly into your clit, you allowed yourself to shakily exhale at the feeling of being touched, but you kept your half lidded eyes trained on Leon.

He tentatively rubbed circles into your sensitive bud, and you softly whined at the contact, not letting your guard down while he worked your sweet spot. He had his head still tilted, eyes flicking in between your core and your face, and every time he looked up, you held contact, and silently egged him on. After a few more circles, and eliciting more whines from you, he ran his spit-slick fingers over the length of your opening, you sighed, needing him inside of you. Without removing his thumb, he pressed the tips of his two fingers into you, pushing past the resistance, and both of you sighed in tandem when they were in all the way.

You rolled your head back slightly, enough to still be able to watch him, to make sure he wasn't going to disobey your orders. He was breathing heavily as he worked his fingers into you, making sure to deliver you the utmost pleasure, and also seeming to be pleasured from it himself. You could see the twitching of his cock through his jeans, and you were dying to get your hand on it, dying to get his own hands on it. You wanted, you suddenly decided, to get the both of you off at just the work of himself. 

Watching him now, you knew it would happen, he was about to release all over the inside of his pants if he kept this up, if any more lewd whimpers and moans spilled from your lips, he would be finished. He seemed like the type of man to do more than one round, and you could definitely put that to the test.

Leon crooked his fingers upward in you, causing you to lose monetary control of your body, and your hips bucked upward slightly. You were fighting against it, but you used it to your advantage, using it to see exactly how your pleasure would affect Leon. He groaned at the way you writhed for him, writhed because of him, and he shifted his legs, allowing his denim to be the source of his own friction. You almost felt sorry for him, if only you didn’t enjoy seeing him so submissive for you.

Wanting to get the words out, they caught in your throat as he continued twisting his fingers and hitting every spot inside of you that had your legs trembling, and you could feel that you were close. His thumb was still pouring over your clit, making it harder to stay held together. 

“Leon…” You moaned out. He looked up at you sinfully, understanding the way he was affecting you, but not halting his movements to hear you speak. You didn’t command him to stop, so he kept going. “You make me feel so good…” You whimpered again, letting him work you loose. “Listen to me, keep going,” He followed those orders, still watching you. “I want you to take your cock out. I want you to take it out and leave it out, don’t touch it until I tell you to.”

He groaned at this order, most likely relieved that he could finally touch himself. As much as you would want to be the one doing it, you’ll save it for round two. 

“Can I stop to take it out?” His voice was nearly cracking, his emotions overflowing all at once, threatening to burst.

You cocked a tiny smile. “No. Keep your fingers moving.” 

He visibly gulped, and his movements started stuttering as he attempted to do the two tasks at once. 

You were now focusing less on his initial task just to watch him struggle with the new one. He sat at an odd angle, using his free hand to undo the button and pull his zipper down, trying to move himself just enough to pull his waistband down, but not enough to separate from your throbbing heat, which he stayed glued to like he was being sucked in. 

Finally, it was low enough for you to see the bulge and wet spot from the precum on his boxers, and you were drooling with anticipation as he pulled the elastic down, freeing his girth from its restraints. Now, you were the one in a trance as his hard cock sprang free, hard as ever, straight at attention pushed against his abdomen as he did his best to not touch it as he took it out.

You sighed loudly, and when he was done, he looked back up at you. “Is that good?”

You nodded slowly, feeling his fingers come back to life inside your pussy, which was now aching for more of a stretch. “So good. So good…” You moaned out the last words, and you noticed Leon had to clench his other fist to stop himself from doing anything you didn't ask of him.

“Go ahead,” You whispered, but you knew he absolutely heard. “Slowly touch yourself. Follow my directions…” He immediately wrapped his other hand around the base of his dick, choppy moaning spilling from his lips as he did so. 

You watched as he hesitantly tugged at himself, not helping any of the sounds he was making, but it was only helping you to climax. Half of the time he resorted to keeping his eyes closed as he did both at once, undeniably being overcome by waves of pleasure. You watched as strings of thin precum followed on his fingers every time he stroked himself, the pink head of his dick looking so neglected, so soft, you wanted to put your tongue on it and lap up all of the sticky, stringy precum to clean it up for him. 

You could practically feel the texture of his dick in your mouth as you watched him, knowing it was becoming harder to hold yourself back.

“Stroke it at the same pace as your fingers.” You mumbled, clear enough to be heard. “I want you to bring me close, but I need you to tell me when you are close, too.” 

Leon was practically panting as he continued to finger you and pump his own dick, with every up and down stroke of his cock, his fingers went in and out, the sound of squelching becoming even louder with every movement, everything he did made you more wet by the second. 

Your forearms were burning from holding yourself up for this long, and your thighs quivered occasionally, and right as he hit the sweet spot inside of you again, you couldn’t help the squeak it produced from you, and you had to lower yourself to your elbows. Despite this, Leon was still obeying you.

You took a hard inhale before speaking, needing to collect yourself more than expected. “You’re so good at listening to me, you know that?” You half moaned out, feeling yourself get closer to the edge. You saw him nod meekly. “You’re doing so good, so good for me.” He kept groaning every time his hand hit the head of his dick, the sensation probably becoming overwhelming, the need to cum bubbling up inside of him, and of you.

Another beat went by before you spoke again. “Why don’t you pick up the pace a little bit? I’ll let you go faster.”

“On who?” He answered almost immediately, as if his brain was hardwired to only be obedient to you, and nothing else. That notion alone brought that flame closer to exploding in you.

“Yourself, bring yourself closer. I’m almost there. You feel so good.” Your breathing was matching his now as the both of you were panting loudly, and you fought the urge to close your legs as the sensations were sending a series of twitches down your thighs and calves. 

Leon wasn’t shy with his reactions any longer as he continued to moan loudly every time he pumped his dick, you could see how red it was from both the rough friction of his hand and the neglect from having been bound up in his pants. It hadn’t even been that long, but you knew he was close. You could tell.

His thumb pressed hard into your clit and you shrieked again, unintentionally closing your legs as the heat rocked through you, you clenched down on his fingers and your hands gripped the carpet as much as they could, you were much closer now, and you were drinking up the feeling of him untying all the knots within you. 

“Oh, Leon… I’m gonna cum…” You let your head fall completely back now, reveling in the feeling of him working on you, your stomach tightening every time he puts more pressure onto your clit.

With another sharp inhale, and a few strokes of his fingers, you felt yourself collapsing at the hands of him, your body shuddered and you felt the walls of your aching pussy tighten, spasm, and a flood of relief and relaxation poured over you.

Mere seconds after, you looked over to see Leon fisting his own dick, fingers still inside of you, overstimulating you, shooting ropes of cum onto his hand and shirt. He gasped with every spurt, his hand never leaving the base of his dick, his white cum dripping over his knuckles, his dick twitching gently after he was finally drained.

He slid his fingers out of you, eliciting another soft moan from you, and held eye contact while he gingerly licked your juices off of his hand. You swore that sole action made you ready all over again. 

Leon pulled his hand off of his dick, the cum making a sticky sound as he did so. You slowly sat up, legs feeling more like jelly than you were ever used to, grabbed his hand, and licked a stripe up one of his fingers, thick slime coating your tongue and the roof of your mouth.

“I’m afraid I might get addicted to this.” He whispered, coming closer to you.

“And if I wanted you to?” Staring deep into his eyes, his pupils blown out, you could see in him that he, much like yourself, wasn’t done either.

“Your audience might not like that.” His voice was low and gravelly, a sound you wanted to get used to hearing. 

You chuckled breathily. “Not if we let them in on it…” Your fingers slowly traced circles onto the back of Leon’s hand, letting the implication of your words hang in the air.

You saw a quirk of a smile in the corner of his mouth, and his eyes flitted behind you where you knew you had your camera set up. He met yours once more. “They might not be interested in round two.”

A full smile spread across your lips, and you gripped the front of his shirt to pull him in for a deep, hot kiss, which he instantly returned. Sure, maybe not tonight, would your audience see you fully fledged out for this man, one round in already, but you were sure they would be watching next time from the beginning.

[tortillamastersblog]

꧁ Angels Don’t Cry - Part 4 | Mor ꧂

Pairings: Mor x reader

Warnings: Mentions of torture, injuries, blood, kidnapping, vomiting and explicit language

Summary: After Hybern’s defeat, the Inner Circle makes a grave discovery in the late King’s dungeons. . .

Next Part | Masterlist

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Incessant knocking on my door makes me jolt out of bed. My wings drag over the floor as I rush to pull on some clothes because I went straight to bed last night after stripping down to my underwear.

I glance at the clock on my nightstand to see it’s still early, which makes me wonder who could possibly be at the door right now.

“One second!” I shout, almost tripping over my own feet when I try to pull on a pair of sweatpants.

The knocking stops and after making sure my hair isn’t a complete mess I unlock the door and open it.

“Mor?”

The blonde is still dressed in her clothes from last night but she’s put on a jacket on over her dress and taken her hair out of its ponytail. I rub my eyes to make sure I’m not hallucinating.

“What are you—?”

“You’re my mate,” she blurts out.

My mouth snaps shut and my eyes widen. “I— What?”

“You’re my mate,” she repeats herself quietly and looks up to meet my eyes. She’s on the brink of crying and her chin wobbles as she tries to hold back a sob. “I tried to tell you last night, but you wouldn’t listen and then I saw you and Elain in the garden and I got so jealous and I regret all those awful things I said to you. . . I was just so scared because the moment I saw you in your cell the bond snapped into place for me and-and you were on the brink of dying, and I couldn’t bear losing someone else again, especially not my mate, so I kept my distance, but then you started to heal and I was still so scared and. . . I pushed you away and hurt you because I hoped it would stop the bond from forming completely, but then time went by and this hole inside my chest got even worse and—“

“Stop.” I raise a hand and blink rapidly, completely overwhelmed by that tidal wave of information. “Slow down.”

Mor wipes at a tear that managed to roll down her cheek. “Sorry. . .”

“No, it’s. . .” I sigh, still processing everything before stepping aside and gesturing for her to come in. “You know what, why don’t you come in and we talk about this properly over some breakfast. Have you had breakfast yet?”

She shakes her head and steps into the apartment with wide eyes.

“Okay then, make yourself comfortable on the couch,” I instruct softly, after taking her coat from her and hanging it up. “I’ll just freshen up real quick and get some food.”

She nods wordlessly and I vanish into the bathroom, brushing my teeth and washing my face before going to the kitchen and grabbing some of yesterday’s pastries. I also cut up some fruit and make two cups of coffee before taking everything into the living room where Mor is sitting on the couch with her legs folded underneath her.

I hand her a plate and one of the coffees before settling down on the other end of the small couch.

“So. . .” I pop a piece of fruit into my mouth. “You’re my mate?”

She sighs softly and takes a sip of coffee, nodding.

“And you’ve known how long, exactly?” I ask, still not able to wrap my head around this new piece of information.

Mor is my mate. She’s my mate and she was thinking about me when I was gift shopping with Feyre and Elain.

Why was she thinking about me then? What was she thinking?

Clearing her throat softly, Mor puts her cup down on the coffee table. “I’ve always known I had a mate, but until we found you, I had no idea who you were. . .” Her brown eyes flicker over my face as she takes in my reaction to all of this. “I had dreams, well not really dreams but nightmares about this dark little cell for as long as I can remember, but then something in my head clicked and I realized they weren’t dreams. . .”

I shudder when she says that because all those times I was in my cell, bleeding and broken, ready to give up, there was this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach that kept me going. It was her, unknowingly being by my side and giving me hope and the strength to hold on. . .

“That was you,” I gasp. “Sometimes when I had a nightmare, it would suddenly stop and all I’d see after would be a starry night sky. You sent me that vision, didn’t you?”

She smiles sadly and nods. “Even though I didn’t know you, I couldn’t bear the thought of you suffering.”

I exhale shakily and take a bite of my pastry to distract myself as Mor goes on explaining.

“The day we found you, the bond snapped into place for me. It was like a punch to my stomach and seeing you so bruised and broken, it- it did something to me. I’ve loved before and I lost that love, so seeing you so hurt and on the brink of death. . . I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you, too.

“I knew what it was like to lose a love, but I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to lose a mate, my mate, so I kept my distance and hurt you with all the things I said in hopes of driving you away before the bond snapped into place for you too. . . That way you’d never know about it and I wouldn’t risk losing anyone else, but-“ she buries her face in her hands and sobs- “but then I did lose you, after all. . . The way you looked at me the night I accused you of sleeping with Elain. . . It broke my heart. I managed to drive you away for good and even though that’s what I originally wanted, I realized in that moment that I couldn’t live without you in my life. If not as my mate, then even just as my friend.”

I take a sip of my own coffee to wash down the pastry I just ate. Then, it’s silent for a moment as I take in what Mor just said.

She said some pretty messed up stuff, but I get why she did it. It still hurts, thinking about what she insinuated and accused me of, but I get it.

It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t forgive her for it just yet though. Neither does the fact that she’s my mate.

Mate’s might be a complementary match power-wise, but they don’t always work on a deeper level, a spiritual level.

“When Cassian threw you off the roof,” Mor whispers when I continue to stay silent, “something inside of me died. The look on your face when you went over the edge. . . It still haunts me and I jumped after you without thinking. All I felt was this urge to protect you, and then when I wrapped my arms around you and winnowed us to the ground. . . I’ve never felt relief like that before. You were okay. . . You were okay, but then you flinched when I touched you and my heart shattered.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and press the heels of my hands against my eyes. “You jumped after me?”

“Yes.”

A simple answer to a simple question, really, but it reveals just how deep the bond runs for her.

I drop my hands back into my lap and open my eyes again to see that she still hasn’t touched her food. “Do you not like strawberries?”

“Wha—? Oh, no. . . I do, but. . .” she trails off quietly as if to hint at something, but I just raise a questioning eyebrow and gesture for her to go on. “Eating this. . . I mean, you offered me this food and if I were to eat it-it would mean you accept the bond.”

My eyes widen. I’d forgotten about that. . . I don’t know how to feel about the bond (which has yet to snap into place for me), but I’m definitely not ready to accept or reject it yet.

“I-“ I reach forward to take the food from her before thinking better of it- “didn’t know. . . Well, I did, but I forgot and—“

“It’s okay.” Mor smiles sadly and places the plate on the coffee table. “I kind of figured you weren’t aware of what you were doing.”

I dip my chin in thanks and take a sip of coffee to hide my grimace. Then, we go back to sitting in silence.

I know I don’t love her, that’s for sure, but the connection between us is undeniable, especially right now. The bond might still only be one-sided, but it doesn’t mean I can’t feel deep, underlying desperation and regret tugging on my insides that is definitely not my own.

“I should go.

My eyes snap up as she gets to her feet with a thin-lipped smile. She has dark circles underneath her eyes which I am only now noticing and her hair is in disarray.

“Yeah, okay.” I get to my feet as well and watch her make her way to the door where she puts on her coat.

“Y/N?” Her hand is on the doorknob.

I clear my throat. “Yes?”

“I know I said it before, but. . . I’m sorry. For everything,” she says quietly and then she’s gone.

Gone, just like that, without waiting for me to accept, or reject her apology. She’s not expecting anything from me and she’s not trying to pressure me into anything.

Later that morning when I return to the Town House to open the presents with the others, Mor isn’t there, but my gift for her is missing.

A little over a week later, as I’m making my way home from work, I come across Rhysand and Feyre who seem to be in a hurry as they make their way out of a restaurant.

“Woah, hey, Y/N!” Feyre exclaims after bumping into me.

“Hi, you good?” I ask with a breathless laugh which makes her nod frantically.

“Yes, yes, I’m okay, but we just got an urgent message from Azriel about the Cour of Nightmares,” she explains without letting go of Rhysand’s hand.

It’s Friday night, which means it’s date night for them and I kind of feel bad knowing that this is definitely not the first time their time together has been interrupted.

I raise my eyebrows. “Oh?”

Rhysand nods as well, although he does it a lot more composed than his mate. “Keir and his men are on their way to Velaris. It was agreed that they get to visit the city after the war because the Darkbringers fought alongside our troops, but they weren’t supposed to get here until next week in time for Starfall.”

“Well, shit. . .” I mumble which makes Feyre snort.

“Yeah, you can say that again,” she says. “We’re going to meet them at the border right now to remind them of our deal.”

“Wow, okay then. Good luck with that, I guess,” I say, not knowing what else to say.

Rhysand smirks at that. “Thank you, but we don’t need luck to put Keir in his place.”

I laugh at that and step aside to let them pass. “Still, a little luck never hurt anybody.”

Feyre squeezes my shoulder with a tight smile and then they’re gone.

I tuck my wings in tightly to somewhat shield them from the cold before continuing my walk home. I’ve had a long day and I can’t wait to take a shower and then sink into bed with a good book.

As fate would have it though, those plans fly out the window the moment I find a familiar blonde sat outside my apartment door.

“Mor? What are you doing here?” I approach slowly so as to not startle her.

“I didn’t know where else to go,” she says, looking up and when her eyes meet mine my heart sinks at the way hers are bloodshot and filled with tears.

I’m quick to kneel next to her, but I don’t touch her, not knowing if she wants that right now. “Are you okay?”

She shakes her head and bites the inside of her cheek to suppress a sob. Tears stream down her bare face and the hurt that claws at my insides is written all over her face.

“Okay, okay, why don’t you come inside then? I’ll make us some hot chocolate. . .” I offer and when she nods, I get back to my feet. She takes my offered hand and lets me pull her up before I unlock the door and usher her inside.

She takes off her coat to revealing the long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants she’s wearing underneath before making her way to the couch where she wordlessly takes a seat and pulls a blanket over her feet.

Something in my chest stirs at the sight of her like this, but I’m quick to ignore it as I get to work on making the hot chocolate I promised.

I fill two mugs with it once it’s done and take them to the couch where I hand one to Mor and put the other down on the coffee table.

“You cold?” I ask and when Mor simply shrugs I kneel down by the fireplace get started on lighting a fire.

It started snowing on my way home and even though the apartment is heated by magic, I still like the warmth the fire provides. It also gives me something to do while Mor calms down and gathers her thoughts.

“My father. . .” she says after a few moments as we both watch the logs in the fireplace catch fire, “He’s on his way here.”

I sigh and get to my feet to join her on the couch. “I know.”

She doesn’t seem surprised when I take a seat next to her, our knees brushing as I pull my legs beneath me to mirror her position. “He’s coming here, to my home, to the place I love most in this world.”

I grab my hot chocolate and take a sip, watching her over the rim of my mug.

“I hate him,” she says, clutching her own mug in her lap, “but I’m also scared of him. He’s tormented me my entire life, and even though he has no say in it anymore, I still can’t shake the hold he has over me.”

Judging by the way she whispers those last few words, I’m guessing she’s never admitted that to anyone before, so I tentatively place a hand on her knee.

I don’t know why I did it, but it seemed like the right thing to do, so I don’t pull it back when her eyes snap up to look at me.

A few strands of her blonde hair have escaped the bun at the back of her neck and I have to force myself not to act on the sudden urge to tug them behind her ears.

What is happening to me? A little over two weeks ago I was ready to never speak to her again, and now she’s here in my apartment, drinking my hot chocolate, and confiding in me. . .

“Mor,” I start carefully, making sure to keep my voice low, “I may not know exactly what you’re going through, but what I do know is that you’re stronger, smarter, and kinder than your father will ever be. . . He’s an asshole with an ego that rivals Cassian’s in size and he’s pathetic if he thinks he can actually break the deal he made with Rhys and Feyre.”

“I know that, but—“

“No, I don’t think you do,” I insist, moving a little closer. “You have a family now that is willing to protect you and the things you love with everything they’ve got. They are not going to let Keir hurt you any more than he already has and they won’t let him ruin Velaris for you.”

A singular tear rolls down Mor’s cheek and before I know it I have a pair of arms flung around my neck. I freeze for a split second, but then the unexplainable urge to comfort her overcomes me and I wrap my arms around her and pull her closer until she’s almost in my lap.

She sobs against my neck, shaking in my arms and I make sure both our hot chocolates are out of the way before folding my wings over her and cocooning us in place.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs, her arms around me tightening.

I run my hands up and down her back and shake my head. “Hey, don’t do that. Don’t apologize for feeling like this.“

“No,” she chokes out, “I’m sorry for how I treated you. For everything I said and did and—You should hate me. Why don’t you hate me?”

I sigh and close my eyes. “You already apologized for that,” I remind her. “And I honestly don’t think I could ever hate you.”

It’s true. . . I physically can’t hate her. I was prepared to never see her or speak to her again, but I just can’t hate her. My heart won’t let me. . .

“But—“

“No.” I shush her and squeeze her in my arms. “I don’t hate you, okay? End of discussion.”

That makes her chuckle softly which in turn makes me smile against her temple.

“Thank you,” she mumbles against my chest and before long, she’s fallen asleep against me.

It feels right having her in my arms like this, but the part of me that was hurt by her makes me push those feelings down and pull back from our hug-turned-cuddle.

I lay her down on the couch gently before moving to pull the blanket up to her chest, only to freeze when my eyes land on the golden necklace peeking out from under her shirt.

It’s the one I got her for Winter Solstice and the sight of her actually wearing it makes my heart flutter. The tear-shaped ruby attached to it is hidden beneath her shirt, but it’s definitely the necklace I got her and the fact that she’s wearing it means she must like it.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” I whisper before finally covering her with the blanket and retreating to my bedroom.

The next morning when I go back into the living room, Mor is gone. The blanket is folded and draped over the back of the couch and our hot chocolate mugs are in the kitchen sink.

For a moment my heart sinks at the prospect of her just leaving without saying goodbye, but then my eyes land on a small handwritten note on the coffee table.

Thank you.

- M

I stare at it for a moment, studying the simple message written on it in sloping letters before folding it up and shoving it in my pocket with a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.

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[dantesunbreaker]

Red Velvet Lines

(Dracopia)Papa Emeritus IV x GN!Reader

It's the Clergy's annual Halloween ball, and you're without a date. But its seems a certain pair of mismatched eyes are watching you from across the room.

TW: Alcohol, blood drinking, suggestive themes, implied hypnotism 2.3K words (There is potential to write a NSFW part two later? Maybe?)

GIF by preqvelle

All Hallows Eve is one of the most celebrated occasions amongst the clergy, and tonight is no exception you think as you find yourself mingling amongst your fellow siblings of sin. Every year a grand ball is held, siblings and ghouls alike invited to in or out of costume to drink, dance, and socialize. Many come with partners in tow, few getting a kick out of silly couples costumes, while others come alone. Whether it be in hopes to leave with a newfound bed mate for the night, or simply to have a good time by themselves. You aren’t sure which of those you would consider yourself.

Without a date for the night, you find yourself sticking to the outskirts of the room, mingling with your siblings and making a clear point to avoid the dance floor. But as the night drags on, you find yourself leaning against the bar, whiskey sour in hand. That’s when you feel eyes on you from across the room, a prickling tingle that has the hairs on the back of your neck standing on end. Play it cool. Don’t draw any extra attention. Slowly, casually, you turn around, eyes making a wide sweep until they stop on a pair of eyes staring right back at you. Breath leaves you in a hot gasping huff. Cool winter mint and frigid white ice watches your every move. Something about his eyes both chills you to the bone and sparks a burning flame at your core.

Of course you know who he is, the former Cardinal turned Papa. But you can’t understand why his attention is on you of all people. There were plenty of other brothers and sisters of sin in attendance. Siblings that are far more attractive than your own plain features. Yet, you still feel his gaze on you even as you turn back to your drink. Why would he have any interest in you? You attempt to put the current reigning Papa far from your mind, focusing on savoring the last sip of your drink. But that turns out to be a little hard to do.

“May I have this dance, mio caro?” You spin around at the feeling of a hand on your shoulder. There is a flutter of your heart as you come face to face with the same multi-colored eyes.

“Oh, um... Papa?” You stammer nervously, wringing your hands and shifting from foot to foot. “Are you sure that you want to dance with me? I mean.. I’m sure there are plenty of beautiful sisters that are simply dying for the opportunity to dance with you. And well.. I’m just me.”

A warm, hearty chuckle is your response, dismissing your self depreciative comments as a gloved hand takes yours, whisking you away to the center of the dance floor. It amazes you how effortlessly he moves you, as if you were floating on air, pulling you to his chest with practiced ease. 

“I have no doubts that there are many siblings desperate for the chance to be in your place,” Copia hums into your ear, keeping your hand in his, while the other hand rests on your waist. “But, they all share the same flaw. None of them are you, piccolino.”

Heat flushes your cheeks, eyes cast down to your feet with a wave of embarrassment while giving no resistance as Copia begins to sway you both in time with the song softly echoing around you. That feeling soon is all but forgotten though as suddenly you are being spun out from Copia’s arms, only to circle back in until your chests touch. You are far from being a dancer, more than likely to trip over your own feet. But Copia seems to know how to lead you well enough, swaying you both across the room with ease and skill that would make onlookers think you have been doing this for years.

As the song draws close to an end, Copia pulls you up from a dip and brushes his lips against the shell of your ear. “Let’s go outside, catch some air, si?” It’s a hushed whisper, only loud enough for you to hear, and you find yourself nodding in agreement before you have even processed what he said. Too caught up in feeling enraptured by the way he moves your body and holds you close.

The music fades, and Copia seamlessly transitions from dancing to holding your hand and leading you off the dance floor. Together you slip from the room unnoticed, a brisk walk through the corridors of the abbey until coming to a secluded balcony. It feels like a rush of adrenaline as you step outside into the crisp air, goosebumps rising as it feels like little pin pricks biting at your cheeks.

But that shoves to the back of your mind as you are spun around, back facing towards the beautiful gardens below. Something tells you that you should be afraid, ready to turn tail and run, but you are mesmerized by soft alluring eyes as Copia draws near. Under his spell, you don’t want to run. You would allow yourself to be devoured by the beast.

“Do you trust me, amore?” Your back presses into the cool stone of the railing, caged between Copia’s arms resting on either side of you. His voice is rich as honey, putting you at ease and leaving you wanting more. Even as he leans into you, breath tickling your neck, you can’t seem to resist the charm of his soft and sweet touches. No matter how much your brain screams no, your body succumbs and outweighs all rhyme or reason.

“Yes,” you whisper, breathless, eyes closing as your head tilts back at the feeling of Copia’s lips brushing the delicate skin of your neck.

You feel rather than hear the soft vibrations of Copia’s chest as he gives a pleased hum, a hand snaking around the back of your head and anchoring in your hair. Lips press against you, soft and warm along your neck, lulling you into a false sense of safety. For a moment later, you feel twin sharp pin pricks of pain from the very spot Copia presses against your neck. Eyes snap open, mouth dropping in a silent gasp as you clutch at Copia, fingers digging into one shoulder and grabbing a fistful of his hair. Tugging harshly barely has Copia moving even a fraction of an inch. 

Warmth spreads from your neck, you can feel something trickle down past his lips in the brief second you break the vacuum seal Copia has on your flesh. Blood no doubt. Your blood. Though it should send fear striking down your spine, there is something about the way Copia’s tongue soothes over the wound he has created that has you slowly returning to a lax state in his arms. The grip in his hair loosens, the hand clawing at his shoulder smoothing to a soft caress as you instead hold him to you.

A sudden rush of euphoria seems to drip through your veins, pleasure keeping your limbs heavy and compliant. Pain fades until all you have to focus on is the feeling of Copia’s plush lips, the soft lapping of his tongue as he greedily drinks up whatever you have to offer him. Carding your fingers through Copia’s hair, you focus on the heat that pools between your thighs. You feel almost suspended on air, as if Copia’s teeth at your neck were the only thing keeping you from floating away.

But through your haze of ecstasy, you notice the freckles of black that are closing in on your field of view, sucking in a deep breath becoming suddenly difficult. A spike of fear hits your chest, but lethargic limbs keep you from being able to struggle. All you can manage is a trembling double tap to Copia’s shoulder as your fingers tighten in his hair. You plunge head first into darkness, a feeling of peace washing over you.

“Tesoro,” through the dark silence, a soft voice breaks through, calling to you in a loving tone. 

Softly groaning, your heavy eyes gradually flutter open to find piercing eyes inches from your face, watching you with great intent. Your mind is foggy, but you recognize Copia’s gentle features. Though, the crimson that paints his bottom lip, bleeding into the once crisp white along his chin is peculiar. A lucid smile paints your face as a hand drops to cup his painted cheek.

“Guess I took a little too much this time.You were unconscious there for a few minutes” Copia gives you a sheepish look, arms around your back and supporting the back of your neck. “Mi dispiace amore mio. You taste so delizioso, I couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s okay, C,” the smile on your face reaches your eyes, regaining your senses the longer that he holds you in his arms. “Besides, it’s not all on you. I should have signaled sooner.... I may have also gotten a bit too carried away. Still haven’t quite learned my limits yet.”

Gathering your strength, you push up to crash your lips against Copia’s in a heated kiss that is all tongue and teeth. You taste the salty copper tang on his lips, a unique hint of sweetness that you’ve come to learn is entirely you. It doesn’t take long though before you need to pull away, gasping to suck much needed oxygen into your lungs. Copia of course has full composure, though his paint is a bit worse for wear. Black and white paint has mixed with your blood into a dull brown from lip to chin. 

“Give me a minute to get my breath back and I’ll fix your paint up,” you sigh between gasps, holding Copia by the shoulders as you work on supporting your own weight. There is a soft twinkle in his pearly eye that is full of adoration. "We can't have you going back looking like this, Sister Imperator would be livid."

Gentle lips brush yours, not quite a full kiss, but enough you feel their presence without being deprived of the room to breathe.

"Why bother going back?" Copia's nose touches your own, his cool breath fanning across your cheeks. "I can think of plenty of other things I'd much rather be doing with you back in my chambers."

You scoff, giving a playful swat to his shoulder. "Because a certain Papa is expected to give a speech, and I won't be taking the fall for the reason you are late again,” you fix him with a stern glare, recalling the reaming you received from Sister the last time.

At least Copia has the decency to give a flash of shame, like a puppy being caught being naughty. But it doesn’t last long.

"You can have me however you want later tonight,” you catch the look of mischief in Copia’s eyes and quickly amend your statement. “After! You can after you are finished with your expected Papal duties for the night."

Overly dramatic, Copia deflates, bottom lip jutting out in an adorable little pout. But he concedes. He is just as worried about the harsh lecturing you both would get for being late the second time in a row. It’s best not to play on thin ice. So Copia doesn’t fight it, your eyes locked together as you take the time to collect yourself, placing a firm hand at the center of Copia's chest when you feel you are able to manage on your own.

Knowing what to expect as the outcome from your game of cat and mouse, you have one of the emergency make up kits that would normally be used for when Copia was on tour stashed behind one of the statues in the corner of the balcony. While ideally you would want to clear his whole face of paint and start with a blank slate, that wasn’t an option. It would take too much time, and you would be late, which if that were to be the case you would rather skip it all and go to Copia’s room.

So you settle for scrubbing at the stubborn paint of his chin, only stopping once it gives way to pale white skin. Once patted dry, you dip into the white grease paint, slathering a thick layer across the bottom half of Copia’s face. When you have achieved a full and even coverage, you shift your focus to touching up the black of his lips. As you set about setting the paint, you think that it certainly isn’t your best work, but under the dim lights of the ballroom you doubt anyone will notice.

“All done,” you humm happily, giving Copia a light pat on the shoulder as you pack the supplies back into the kit. When you glance back up, Copia’s smile is practically radiant.

“So,” Copia takes a step back, giving an extravagant twirl before spreading his arms out as if to display himself. “How do I look, amore mio?”

“Handsome as ever, Papa,” you smile fondly as you tuck the paint kit back away in its original hiding spot, knowing one of the ghouls would later come by to retrieve it. “Come, let’s get back before Sister sends someone after us.”

Stepping in stride with you, Copia spreads an arm out across your back, tucking you close into his side as you enter the building. Music still filters down the hall, a quiet hum that lets you know Copia’s cue hasn’t been missed yet. You might just yet might be able to go without any suspicion being aroused.

“Amore,” Copia however, cuts your train of thought short just as you open the double doors to the ballroom. “My apologies..but you uh have a little..something dripping from your neck.”

Of course, you catch sight of the twin red velvety lines slowly dribbling down the side of your neck in the reflection of Copia’s white eye....Just as you hear Sister clearing her throat from beside you. Copia gives you a sympathetic smile, but you can see the mirth in his eyes. But in the end, you think that your fun is worth a little ass chewing from Sister.

[dottores]

HOME | BAIZHU

summary: after months in inazuma searching for something that could help him, you finally returned home.

warnings: none really, baizhu’s illness, soft sweet n a little angsty, unedited, written on phone

wordcount: idk probably 2k ish

notes: wowowowowow pretty green man stole my heart @saintdainsleif @hanmas @dxlucs @mxnjiros @manjiroscum @alucrds @suyacho @sugusshi @tokyometronetwork

“you are insatiable.”

you smiled against baizhu’s neck when you heard the man let out a soft sigh, stirred awake by the gentle kisses being trailed up and down his neck. to any other person, he would have sounded exasperated—annoyed, even—but you caught the fond undertone hidden beneath the words, and you didn’t have to look up to know that a small smile was inching onto his lips.

“i have missed you,” you corrected, carefully running your fingers through his long green hair, dampened by the steam rising from the warm water of his bath. you pressed another chaste kiss right beneath his right ear as you shifted the hair over his left shoulder. “have you missed me?”

you rested your chin on his shoulder, arms loose around him as you kneeled outside the tub, eyes slid shut peacefully. your fingertips grazed the surface of the hot water, basking in your lover’s presence for the first time in two months.

“a ridiculous question,” baizhu murmured, long, thin fingers intertwined with your own as he lifted one of your hands to his lips, pressing a kiss against your knuckles. “how did the trip go?”

were you able to find anything?

you let out a quiet breath, kissing his shoulder again. not for the first time, you had gone abroad to search for answers and remedies for the illness that plagued baizhu. mondstadt, sumeru, natlan, and now inazuma with the sakoku decree being lifted—you spent months traveling teyvat, leaving with hope that you finally would return with something for him and coming back at a loss for words, heart aching as you braced yourself for baizhu’s disappointment.

“scooch forward,” you said, drawing away from him to rise back to your feet. “let me join you.”

you could hear the water shifting as he did what you asked, sloshing around in the tub. you slipped off your clothes off, your mind racing as you tried to figure out what you were going to say.

your travels to the foreign nation had been fruitless, for the most part. you had gotten in contact with a priestess from one of the islands, but you were unsure if it would lead to anything worthwhile and you didn’t want to give him any hope that wasn’t there.

without a word, you slid in the tub behind him, legs on either side of his body, the hot water stinging your skin as your body adjusted to the temperature, but you were more focused on the man in front of you. you reached forward, fingers grazing his shoulder in a silent request for him to lean back.

you felt much more at peace the moment baizhu’s skin was flush against yours—his head resting against your chest, soft green hair tickling your collarbones. you wrapped your arms around his waist, leaning your forehead down on the top of his head.

“isn’t this more comfortable?” you asked softly after a few moments of peaceful silence. your only response was a quiet hum of agreement—you knew he was waiting for an answer but you wanted to avoid the topic for as long as possible. so instead, you decided to tease him, “the door unlocked, fast asleep in the tub… if i didn’t know any better, i’d say you wanted someone to come in here and find you in a compromising position.”

your hands dipped beneath the water, the pads of your fingers drawing circles around his hipbones as you waited for him to respond.

“no one comes around at this time besides you and qiqi,” he finally said, one of his hands returning to yours and you switched to continuing the soothing circles on the back of his palm again.

his hands were always soft, frail to where yours were stronger and more calloused from years of training. you felt like you were handling fragile porcelain whenever you held him in your arms but it was a dangerous game because if you treated him too carefully, it would just be a reminder of his inevitable fate.

“speaking of,” you said, pulling your other hand from the water to play with the wet strands of hair splayed against his chest, “where is our little bird tonight? i was hoping to see her.”

“she spent the day with streetward rambler’s young disciple,” baizhu told you. “i was going to go fetch her when i was done resting.”

“i can handle that,” you offered. “it’s best to not leave the shop unattended in case of an emergency.”

a blatant excuse, you knew that and he knew that, but you figured an excuse was better than the truth—he was simply not up for running around trying to find qiqi and yaoyao.

baizhu didn’t respond. you thought he might’ve fallen asleep—his pale chest rising and falling steadily beneath your hand, breath even and relaxed. but then he shifted, turning his head to the side to look up at you.

for the first time in months, familiar gold eyes met your own, steady and searching yours. you swallowed thickly as you braced yourself for the question he was bound to finally press.

“you found nothing in inazuma.”

your throat felt tight, lips parted as you fumbled for words but you were left at a loss, as you were every time you returned with empty hands. baizhu exhaled at your reaction—the only answer he needed—shifting back around to face front, eyes sliding shut as he rested against you.

“i stopped by the yuehai pavilion before coming here, scheduled a meeting with the tianquan to make sure the political climate in fontaine is still okay before heading north. i’ll find something there, i promise.”

he suddenly looked older, the weight of your answer adding even more stress to the frail man—the bags beneath his eyes dark against his pallor, and his collarbones and ribs peaking out just a bit more than they had been before you had left.

sometimes, you were scared when you left to travel—scared that you would leave and there would be no home to return to. because your only home was him, and you’d never know if when you left, it would be your last time seeing him.

he was careful to hide how severe his pain was behind those smiles and gentle words but you could see through it. and you knew he hated that heavy gaze of yours he couldn’t escape in the days before you left to travel, but you couldn’t help yourself—terrified that one day you’d return and only have a fading memory to remember him by.

“we’ll figure this out,” you promised, not for the first time, but you never made promises you couldn’t keep. you’d figure something out even if it meant signing your soul away—you had heard rumors that the fatui of snezhnaya had made some intense advancements with the elemental energy and technology, and you figured that if anybody had ability to help baizhu, it would be them…

… but bargaining with the fatui for help could cast you as an enemy of the qixing… and it could cost your freedom, and maybe even your life. so you would go to fontaine first, and pray to the archons that you would find your answers there.

“i know,” baizhu said, giving your hand a weak squeeze as he melted back into you. you could hear in his voice that he was on the verge of dozing off, and you supposed he must have had a busy day running the pharmacy.

but before he could fall asleep, you lifted one of your hands to cup his cheek.

“i’ve been deprived of your lips for months and you’re going to make me wait another night?” you teased gently, chest light when you heard him let out an amused huff.

he tilted his head back to the side to look up at you, gold eyes lidded as they fluttered open to look at you, and you leaned your head down just a bit to steal a soft kiss.

you smiled against his lips, fingers carding gently through his damp green hair—for the first time in months you finally felt at home, and already, you dreaded having to part ways with him again. even if you knew it was for the greater good.

you pulled away too soon for your liking, but you could feel even in the way his lips moved against yours how exhausted he was and you didn’t want to keep him up any longer after having already disturbed him.

“i’ll fetch qiqi before it gets too dark,” you said quietly, pulling him back to lay against you, and he let out another hum of agreement, eyes sliding shut. “sleep, i’ll wake you before i go.”

[roninishere]

I’d be honored

Muichiro x female reader!

Warnings: none but no proof reading?

Summary: some cute Muichiro content. Reader and Muichiro are eighteen!

Enjoy! 💜

||

After his battle with an upper moon, after passing out from the poison, the Mist Hashira had been taken to the butterfly estate. Regaining his consciousness, he opened his eyes to see a familiar ceiling, realizing he was at the butterfly estate, hearing someone’s snores.

Seeing a figure in the corner of his eye, he turned to see you slumped in your chair, your hand just inches away from his. Between the dark circles under your eyes, and little abnormal snores leave your lips that you hadn’t been sleeping lately. From the looks of you being in your uniform still, you’ve must’ve came straight here after your watch.

Shifting his weight to his elbow, Muichiro turned to face Y/N, watching you. Beautiful as before his trip to the Swordsmith village. He replayed his best memories of you guys together over and over in his head; the day y’all met, when he blurted out that he loved you, your first kiss, the times you ate together, cloud gazing, your first time.

You’ve stood by him through everything; his amnesia, his missions, when he would blurt out sometimes harsh things to you, and overall patient with him for all these years.

Muichiro had never experienced love before, but from what Mitisuri explained, he’s in love with Y/N.

Y/N was the love of his life, and now with his memories back, he was more head over heels for you than before.

“You know, staring isn’t polite Muichiro.” Y/N teased as you opened your big beautiful eyes, a sleepy grin on your face.

Chuckling, a hint of red danced across his cheeks seeing he had indeed gotten caught “I was not staring, simply admiring your beauty honey,” he sat up, kicking his feet over the side of his bed as he reached for her. “Come here.” Y/N sat up with a groan from being stiff before you happily crashed into his open arms.

Wrapping your own arms tightly around him, you buried your face in his neck as you combed your fingers through his soft and beautiful hair. Muichiro took this time to share with you the news that he had regained his memories while fighting an Upper Moon.

“Oh Muichiro! That’s amazing darling.” You pulled back, cupping his cheeks to see the light and happiness in his eyes, no longer dull and emotionless.

Things were no longer cloudy for him, everything clear as ever.

“Y/N marry me.”

You couldn’t believe what he just said, your eyes shot into his as a blush came across your face.

“So are you asking me or telling me?” You teased as you poked his cheek. You started to sway like crazy of excitement.

He laughed at your little excitement sway before poking your cheek back “Telling you-I mean you’ve stuck around this long, I’d hope you’d want to be my wife.”

Be my wife. You nearly fainted hearing those words roll off his tongue. Be my wife, holy shit was this really happening right now?

“Muichiro Tokito, I’d be honored to be your wife.”

The biggest smile spread across his face as he grabbed your face, kissing you passionately. You’re really going to be his wife!

||

Hope y’all enjoyed!

Here’s part two

[trashland-llamas]

Exsanguination

x female reader

Y/n was damn near unconscious with the amount of blood that had been taken from her. The residential blood bag of the establishment. Any vampire could take their fill for a hefty fee. But as y/n was desperate for cash, she tended to let the patrons push her way past her limits. Blood trailing down her neck as she wavered, hit with a sudden moment of dizziness. ‘Hello there, darling.’ An unknown pair of hands held onto her waist, letting her catch her bearings. Not knowing that the elf had come to lure her away from her current predicament. Walking her towards a dark corner of the tavern. 

‘No, no, I’m not here for that.’ He brushed y/n off when she exposed her neck to him. The elf felt disgusted at the plethora of wounds littering her neck. ‘Do you have a room here?’ Unsure if she’d feel comfortable going to the camp he had sat up on the outskirts of town. ‘Well then, fancy coming back to mine?’ 

‘S’not how this works.’ Her words were almost unintelligible. ‘Not for food, rather a break from all this. Wouldn’t it be nice to let all those heal?’ Referencing how some of the more older wounds had reopened with how rough the patrons treated her. With the amount of time they had spent sitting, y/n would be fit for the walk back. ‘...sure, but can you at least tell me your name? Y’know, stranger danger and whatnot.’ 

‘Astarion, pleasure to meet you. And what’s yours lovely?’

‘Y/n.’ 

‘I can walk!’ Y/n quickly wrapped her hands around his neck when Astarion suddenly picked her up. One arm supporting her back and the other under her knees. ‘On an average day, I’m certain you can. But you’ve been stumbling and tripping over your own two feet, which I’m not surprised with the amount of blood loss you’ve experienced.’ 

‘Oh, don’t pout. Wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t absolutely necessary for your well-being.’ Astarion got caught up in thinking he almost missed the fact he had arrived back at camp. Questioning why he felt so protective of her. He assumes it because she reminded him of the own helplessness he felt under Cazador. He didn’t miss the way she flinched every time a patron bit into her flesh. Nor did he miss the pained sound that fell from her lips. One that told him she didn’t do the job out of pleasure.

Astarion rearranges the futon and cushions into a more comfortable setup for y/n to rest on. Rummaging for what first aid supplies he had stored, accustomed to mending his own injuries. Utilizing cotton swabs to wipe away the dried blood from the puncture marks. ‘Sorry, love. Trying to make this as painless as I can, promise.’ 

‘Can’t really do anything for the bruising.’ Astarion spoke, wiping his hands free of a salve akin to Neosporin. A white bandage taped to her neck after he had to gently swat her hand away from scratching.  ‘S’fine.’

‘Should probably get some sleep. Can talk more in the morning, whether you want to stay with me longer.'

‘Okay, g’night Astarion.’ He hoped y/n remembered their interactions thus far. He didn’t particularly care for rude awakenings. Deciding to keep watch over y/n as she slept. Enjoying the feeling of y/n cradled up to him, her head against his chest. Rubbing circles along her back where the shirt he’d leant bunched up. Astarion’s cold hand was the perfect contrast to her feverish skin. ‘Sweet dreams y/n.’ 

Part 2 can be found here

[ismartiegirl300-blog]

First Dance

Announcements: I have a requests box open on my profile! (I think... I’m still working on how tumblr works). I write for MHA, Harry Potter, Attack on Titan and Naruto so feel free to send me some requests!! 

Summary: You’ve known Bakugou since your UA days but at the alumni dance things feel a little different between you two. Flashbacks included. Bakugou pov mostly. 

Warnings: Fluff! Fem reader. Pining. 

WORDCOUNT: 2254

***

Bakugo tried to loosen his tie, it was hot in the dance hall. It was good to see Class 1A back together again, even if he would never admit it. Class 1B on the other hand... damn he wanted to strangle that pompous straw haired copy cat Monoma. He took a deep breath and focused back on the group he was talking to. 

Kirishima was talking animatedly to Shoji, one arm around Mina. They took a while to get together after graduation but Bakugo was glad it happened, he was tired of hearing Kirishima pine after her. Half and Half was busy talking to invisichick Hagakure and Sero. Denki was scheming in a corner with Mineta and slowly Bakugo’s gaze glided around the circle, over Jirou and right onto you. He felt a tightness in his chest and for some reason the room felt warmer. 

Damn it. He thought he was over this stupid crush. It had been three years since graduation and he hadn’t seen you at all since you just came back from doing work overseas. He hadn’t gotten the chance to speak to you since your return. He had kept putting it off. His eyes lingered on you, your smile and that stupid dress you were wearing. 

Although you were deep in conversation with your old friend Jirou, you couldn’t help but feel someone’s gaze on you. Your eyes slide from Jirou’s face, over her shoulder and you make eye contact with Bakugo. In the time you had been gone, you heard that he had been climbing the charts and was now the #2 hero, right behind Midoriya. You had never really gotten over your high school crush on Bakugo and you received notifications on your phone anytime a news story came out with his name on it. You felt your cheeks turn red under his gaze and quickly turned your attention back to Jirou. 

“Something on your mind?” Bakugo had been so focused on you that he hadn’t noticed Kirishima walk right up to him and started looking back and forth between Bakugo and you. 

“FUCK! Shitty hair! You can’t just walk up unannounced. I could have blown you to bits...” 

“C’mon man! Just go talk to her.”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.” 

“Don’t be like that Bakugo... remember the last time we were at something like this?” 

“No.” 

He said no but Bakugo had been beating himself up for three years over it. 

---

It was the graduation dance. The last night before everyone started going their own separate ways. Bakugo had plans to go to Tokyo and start his own hero agency right away. You on the other hand had plans to work overseas and “pay back” in a sense, the foreign powers that helped Japan during its struggle with All For One. You wouldn’t be gone forever, just three years, however there was a certain someone you were hoping would try to make you stay. If he had asked, you would have stayed. 

The party had lasted forever. You had danced all night until you had to take your shoes off because your feet were so sore. The girls kept you busy all night with the usual scheming, gossip, photos, bathroom trips and of course the group dancing. You were gonna miss these girls. You couldn’t think about it or you would start crying. Bakugo on the other hand was acting strangely tonight. He kept walking close to you, acting like he had something to say but then you would make eye contact and he would frown and walk away. You wondered if you had done something to piss him off... Well whatever it was, you might never know. Your flight left in two hours and your ride to the airport was on its way. You heard a slow song start and instead of awkwardly waiting around for someone to ask you to dance, you decided to slip out of the dance and wait for your ride. You might not be able to handle all of the goodbyes anyways. 

At some point in the night Bakugo couldn’t find you. He had been working up the courage to ask you to slow dance all night. He requested three slow songs already. For the first one he just couldn’t get the words out and ended up telling you that you had something on your face. The second time that stupid bird asked you to dance and Bakugo just had to sit and watch from the side of the dance hall. He finally convinced the DJ to give him one more slow song and now you were nowhere to be found. Bakugo was scanning the room looking for you and just before he could give up, Ochako walked right up to him and asked him to dance. He reluctantly accepted. 

“It’s going to be so weird not seeing everyone together anymore. I don’t think I’m ready.” Ochako was trying to make small talk but Bakugo could barely hear her. He was focused on finding you out in the crowd.

“I’m surprised you didn’t ask Y/N to dance...” Ochako said slyly. 

“Huh??” Bakugo’s attention snapped back down to her. 

“I mean, you like her right? Everyone says you like her.” 

“Tchh.” Bakugo looked away but his ears turned red. He didn’t know how everyone knew but he was gonna kill Shitty Hair if he found out he was the leak. 

“She left you know.” 

“What?” Again his attention was 100% on Ochako. 

“She slipped out when the song started. She’s probably on the way to the airport soon.” 

“Already?” Bakugo felt the blood drain out of his face. He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t asked you to dance yet. He hadn’t told you that you looked pretty in your dress, he hadn’t asked you to walk through the gardens with him, he hadn’t had the opportunity to finally confess to you... to maybe kiss you. 

“Go get her.” Ochako had stopped dancing. 

Bakugo looked down at her a little stunned. 

“Go! Go get your girl Dynamight!” She said it louder and caught the attention of others. Kirishima stopped dancing with Mina and looked over to Bakugo. 

“WELL? Go after her!” Mina shouted. 

“C’mon think like a man!” Kirishima added. 

“Ooh! It would be so romantic!” Momo said enthusiastically. 

“SHUT IT!” Bakugo yelled but he was already running out of the doors. 

The brisk night air hit his face as he catapulted himself out of the dance hall and headed towards the front gates.  

“Damnit! This is taking too long!” 

Bakugo stripped off his jacket and tie and threw them behind him onto the dirt path. He rolled up his sleeves and used his quirk to catapult himself into the air. He blasted his way to the front gates in less than two minutes and just in time. 

You were about to get into the car. You had the passenger door open when Bakugo fell out of the sky and skidded to a stop right at the UA gates. His hair was disheveled and he was wiping his hands on his pants. Your heart skipped a beat. 

“Y/N!” 

“Bakugo?” 

Reality caught up to Bakugo in that moment. He didn’t know what to say... “Come back and dance with me.”?? That would be ridiculous. 

“Uhh... I... are you... leaving?” He managed to force out some words, some question, even if that question had a million other questions behind it. 

“Yeah...” You gave him a confused look. Wasn’t it obvious? 

“Oh. Off to the States right away then?” 

“My flight leaves in like two hours.” 

“Right. Well, I just wanted to say...” Bakugo was at war with himself. He had to say he was afraid. He had faced villains on very power level but somehow this was more terrifying then every one of those encounters combined. He wanted to say so many things, 

“I’ve loved you ever since I met you! I wanted to dance with you! Your dress looks amazing! I’ve admired you as a student as a hero but mostly as a person. You’re beautiful inside and out! You were the first to be kind to me and I want to protect your kindness for the rest of my life! AND MOST OF ALL I DON’T WANT YOU TO LEAVE!!” 

But Bakugo didn’t say any of those things. 

“You wanted to say...?” You asked. Bakugo had stopped in the middle of his sentence and was giving you a wide eyed look. 

“Yeah I just wanted to say... good luck.” He opened his mouth again as though to add on, but he snapped it shut again. 

“Oh...well...” You can’t say you weren’t disappointed. But it was always a naïve hope that Bakugo might share your feelings. You quickly smiled to cover your disappointment. 

Bakugo watched as you smiled and ran towards him throwing your arms around his neck. He felt the breath leave his body and his arms clamped around your waist and he buried his face in your shoulder. 

“Thank you Bakugo.” and with that you were leaving his arms, getting into the car and slipping away. 

---

Bakugo had spent the last three years replaying everything that went wrong that night. He had tried to move on, he went on so many dates in the first year that he lost count. But he never could make it to the second date. He tried focusing on his career and he rose pretty quickly after he gave up on dating. But it was hard, playing wingman for Kirishima and Kaminari, being a groomsman at Izuku and Ochako’s wedding and watching you post about your foreign adventures, only wishing he could be there with you. It made his blood boil thinking about all the people you could be meeting who might catch your interest. All because he was too afraid to make a move that night. 

“You do.” Bakugo’s attention snapped back to the present as Kirishima said this. Bakugo merely scoffed. 

“I know you remember Bakugo. You got so wasted afterwards and all you could do was whine about how you let her go. Actually... it’s the only thing you talk about after you get drunk...” 

“Shut up or I’ll shut you up Red.” Bakugo warned. 

“Alright... But I’m gonna ask the DJ for a slow song and if you don’t ask her to dance I’m gonna tell everyone about that time two years ago you fought that laughing gas villain and-” Kirishima couldn’t finish his sentence because he had to dodge Bakugo’s oncoming blow and run to the DJ’s table before Bakugo could catch him.

Damnit. Bakugo watched as Kirishima talked animatedly to the DJ and pointed to his phone. The music started playing moments later. Kirishima was right though. Tonight he wouldn’t mess up and let you slip away again. He turned and found you still talking to Jirou, right where he left you. He strode over to you, blatantly interrupting your conversation and held out his hand. 

“Dance with me.” 

You looked up at him with a look of shock and he realized he still had no sense of tact even after all these years. Your shock faded into a grin and he felt relief flood his body. 

“Alright.” You took his hand and he pulled you in and slid his other arm around your waist. You began to sway to the music and everything else seemed to fade away. 

“How was your time away?” Bakugo asked his head tilting down. 

“It was amazing! Oh you would have loved it! There was so many things to see, so many landmarks and museums! I learned so much! Oh and I met a lot of people too!” Your face lit up as you spoke. 

“Oh really?” Bakugo felt his heart drop at that last part. 

“Yeah! I wished- I mean I wish you were there to see it.” 

“Hah, maybe next time princess...”

“Princess? Are you saying I look like a princess?” 

Bakugo turned red. 

“You wish y/n.” 

“Oh come on, is it so hard to say I look good? I put some effort in you know.” 

“Tchh..” 

You were both silent. You didn’t know what to say next. Maybe you flirted a little too much with him. You were just so excited to see him again, you couldn’t help it! 

“You don’t look good.” 

“What?!” 

“You look great.” Bakugo said blushing and avoiding eye contact. You leaned up so your lips were close to his ear. 

“You look pretty great yourself.” 

Bakugo couldn’t help it. A shiver went down his body and he could feel his face turn as red as a tomato. He stopped dancing. He pulled back and looked at you. 

“Y/n...” 

Then he leaned down, his hand cupping your face and he gazed into your eyes as if asking for permission. Permission which you gave. Suddenly his lips were on yours and he was kissing you. He was kissing you like he was drinking up your soul, pulling your face up into his, his lips surprisingly tender. He handled you like you were precious. It was nothing like how you imagined kissing Bakugo would be but it was amazing. You broke off the kiss when you started hearing the cheers. 

“Man we’ve been waiting forever for you guys to do that!” Sero yelled across all the cheering. 

Bakugo didn’t even care. He just grinned down at you. 

“You’re telling me Soy Sauce...” Bakugo said but only loud enough for you to hear. 

[unholly-reader]

Shadowcloaked // Chapter 2

Hello people!

Yes - the next chapter has arrived! Still no action really but it's coming. I just hope you enjoy this one and until next time.

XoXo

(Un)Holly

****************************************************************

Seven Years Later

March of the year 628 AU

- I swear to Zinhal, Drina, if you don't come down this instant, I am personally dragging you here myself. 

- I would like to see your try, Your Grace. 

- You're asking for it, Sunshine. 

It wasn't an unusual sight to witness Fen Riorson's son running around with Fenrys Vartell's daughter like two overly energetic monkeys along the walls of the residence. Throughout the years they spent together, both Xaden and Drina learned one another head to toe. Neither of them would admit it, but they had a feeling they knew more about the other person than they knew about themselves. They've come a long way since the day they first met. Xaden grew up, both mentally and physically. Gone was the little charming boy dressed in pretty blues sneaking into his father's meetings. Now in his place stood a tall, incredibly well built young man with sharp features and defined muscles outlined on his body almost like a map. His eyes retained that boyish charm, which he usually used to tease Drina, but nevertheless he was a child no more. Drina was no exception. The little girl with pretty braids circling around her head stepped down and in her stead a witty young lady emerged. Her dark hair only grew longer, and so did she. The passing time changed a girl's body into a young woman's figure. Her eyes remained the same, bright blue, almost sapphire like and they kept the spark she had always had. What didn't change was the way they cared about each other. Quickly after their first encounter they became close friends, just as the Duke foresaw. 

Those same two friends were currently standing at the opposite sides of one of the castle borders of Riorson House with Alexandrina sitting atop the white brick wall and Xaden standing in front of said wall, arms crossed over his toned chest and a witty smirk. 

- You know what your father has to say about your climbing adventures. The last time you fell down, you were bedridden for seven weeks, Drina and guess who got the blame for it - Xaden replied cheekily, staring up at his friend dangling her feet over the edge of the wall - So please, come down. 

Drina laughed out, smirking at the boy beneath her with a twinkle in her eyes. 

- Aw, is the future Duke worried I might hurt myself?

- Stop messing around and get down here. 

The girl huffed quietly, standing up and walking back and forth on the wall’s very edge. Her arms spread out like a bird readying to fly and her dark blue jacket swinging in the air. She didn't seem to mind the fifty something feet separating her from the ground, jumping on the wall like it was the easiest and most natural thing in the world. She also knew that her behavior was driving Xaden mad, or so it seemed based on the grimace on his face, and she was loving it. 

- But I like looking at you from up here. It’s so refreshing. Usually you're the one looking down at me and this is a nice change. 

- I'm going to count to three and you will get down here, Alexandrina.

- Oh, so now we're using full names. He's getting serious - Drina laughed out amused with her friend’s reaction - I should be scared I think. 

- Drina...

Before Xaden could finish his sentence, the very thing he was worried would happen, happened. One second Drina was calmly balancing on the edge, and the second she tripped over her own feet and she fell over with a deafening shriek. She was falling and falling fast. She closed her eyes, mentally preparing herself for the impact, but it never came. The next thing she knew she felt strong arms wrapped underneath her knees and back and the familiar smell of musk and leather hit her nose like an old melody. When she fluttered her eyes open, she was met with Xaden's muscular chest rising up and down in swift movements. Looking up, she caught his gaze and just from that one look she knew she was screwed. There was fury laced in between the golden speckles of his eyes. Drina could feel it in the way he looked at her, but also in the way he was holding her tightly against his body. Slowly, she averted his eyes, clasping her arms around his neck. 

- You might have had a point here. But since nothing really happened, I think we can forget about this little…

- Don't ever do this again. Ever. 

Xaden's voice dropped at least an octave as he spoke calmly, but there was anger hidden between the lines. He refused to let go of Drina’s body, clinging onto her as if his very life depended on it. On her presence. For this one moment time seemed to have stopped and everything around them blurred out, leaving just the two of them alone. Her breath whispering against his skin. His heart beating wildly in his chest. There has always been an unspoken bond between the two friends yet neither of them ever acted on it. Like their hearts were designed to play the same melody and follow the same tune. Xaden was worried sick every time Drina went out on her little adventures, wandering outside the walls of Riorson House the same way she was losing her sleep over his nightly escapades with Garrick. And right now Xaden was losing his shit over Drina’s fall and he could swear he was ready to murder her and give her the biggest hug ever at the same time. 

- I’m fine, Xaden. Maybe a little shaken up and my breakfast has probably travelled up and down my stomach like three times already, but otherwise…

- You scared the living shit out of me, Drina - once again Xaden interrupted her mid sentence, slowly setting her down on her own two feet - So please, for the love of Gods, don’t do that to me again. Please. 

- Since when is it polite to interrupt someone in the middle of a sentence? - Drina asked teasingly, tilting her chin up a little so that she could look directly into her friend’s eyes. 

- Since someone decided to give me a heart attack in the middle of the fucking day!

It was a rare occasion when the Duke’s son lost his temper, especially in Drina’s presence. Usually he kept his cool, collecting his frustrations and anger so that he could let loose later on while training or by taking a run around the hills surrounding the residence. This particular lashing out came not only as a surprise to Drina, but to Xaden himself. He shook his head, silently calming himself before he lost it completely. 

- I’m sorry - he apologized, grabbing her hand in his much bigger one - I shouldn’t have yelled. 

- Well, I’m sorry for scaring the shit out of you. 

The two friends laughed quietly, still gazing into each other’s eyes longingly. Without thinking Xaden bowed his head a little, putting his forehead against Drina’s, exhaling deeply. A quiet moment of peace after a storm. 

- Just please, don’t do it again. I may not always be there to break your fall, Sunshine. 

- Duly noted, Your Grace, but I have to warn you. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.

Xaden didn’t say anything back, simply smiling at Drina. She looked up at him, admiring the gentle curves of his lips bending in the most heartwarming grin she had ever seen. That’s how she was with him. Most days a confident young lady perfectly capable of protecting herself, strict and steady, but when it came to the Duke’s sone, she was putty in his hands. A fierce beast demoted to the size of a kitten with just one pleasant smile, and she wasn't mad about how his presence affected her behavior. Xaden became one of the most important people in her life and she didn’t mind the way his friendship softened her exterior from time to time, since he was well aware how capable she really was. He saw her for who she was and who she had the potential to become. That’s how they built their friendship - they made a strong foundation with trust and truth. 

- So now, will you please come with me? My father has gathered his council and he expects us both there.

Drina’s smile dropped almost instantly. 

- Have the Navarrians made any moves near the border? - she asked, forgetting quickly about her childish nonsense wall walking. 

- Not that I’m aware of - Xaden replied, grabbing her hand out of habit and dragging her back inside - But I know something must have happened. With the first light my father sent three more squads to patrol the borders and he received some letters from Lewellen and Sefrisgen. 

- Any news from my father? 

- We’re about to find out, Sunshine. 

Drina squeezed his hand just a little tighter, following his footsteps on the stairs and then entering the residence. They walked into the main hall, past the guards and the black stone columns standing on both sides of the room. It was awfully quiet and the interior of Riorson House seemed more like a haunted house than an actual nobleman’s home. The windows decorating both sides of the hall were barely letting in any light with dark gray curtains covering most of the glass surface. The place both Xaden and Drina once associated with joy and children’s play, now resembled a broken fortress. Walking up the grand stairs in the hallway brought back the memories of the days they would play hide and seek and drive Garrick absolutely mad when he couldn't find them while they hid behind on the walls in the secret tunnels scattered all around the residence. Now, all grown up and steady they passed the corridors leading to their rooms and walked further down the dark brown wooden floors straight towards the grand door separating them from the Meeting Hall. 

- I don't want to say I have a bad feeling, but I have a bad feeling - Drina said with a hint of fear in her voice, clinging onto Xaden's arm like a child would its mother - They rarely ever let us listen in on those meetings, let alone invite us to attend. 

- Let's see what they have to say first, then we will evaluate the damage.  

Drina nodded absentmindedly, her thoughts swimming elsewhere. She was almost exclusively focused on her father and his current whereabouts. The last time she heard from him he was en route between Sefrisgen and Samara as an envoy to the Duke to lead negotiations on his behalf, so she wasn't quite sure when and if she would see him any time soon. 

At the same time, both Drina and Xaden pushed the massive door, entering the Meeting Hall. It looked exactly the same as every other time they would listen in on their father's conversations. A wide, pentagonal room with a tall ceiling littered with a starry map of old constellations and a rectangular table right under it surrounded by intricately carved wooden chairs, each with a signet decorating its back seat. The walls were covered in majestic tapestries, each representing a monumental moment in the history of Aretia. The moment it was build, the day the first duke was crowned, the day Tyrrendor united with Navarre and the rest of the provinces. Drina always admired them, even if only for the craftsmanship. 

At the very top of the table stood the most majestic of all the chairs. The Tyrrish throne. The chair itself measured a good six feet or so, putting above all the other seats and above those attending the meetings. It was carved out from from an oaken tree, delicate veins of whimsical branches following the lines of the armrests. The back seat had soft dark leather sewn into the seat, smoothly transitioning into a cushion. It was the one seat Xaden was afraid of, because one day he knew he would sit in his father's place and the responsibility that comes with would eventually fall to him. 

- How kind of you to finally join us, Xaden. Drina, please come in. Take a seat. 

Fen Riorson's voice was the same as always. Calm, collected and poised with just a hint of spite. With a wave of his arm he gestured Drina and Xaden to take the chairs on his right, two of the four currently unoccupied seats at the table. Both of them followed the Duke’s command and quietly sat by the table. Seven chairs were occupied by the Duke’s most trusted advisors, starting with Yvan Farsky, his second general and the most ruthless man in all of Tyrrendor, finishing with Daryan Quentys, whose main concern remained the Tyrrish fortune or lack thereof. Unfortunately for Drina, the chair closest to Fen’s left - the one reserved for her father - was still empty. She sighed quietly, looking down at her hands, fiddling with the golden ring on her middle finger. Her actions did not go unnoticed by both the father and the son of the Riorson family. While Xaden almost automatically reached for her palm, encircling it in his bigger one, his father shot Drina a sympathetic look with a ghost of a smile on his lips.

- Lord Fenrys will join us later on as he should be arriving today from his travels, but he sent a raven ahead to inform me of his delay. 

Fen’s words were more than enough too cheer Drina up, but nevertheless she didn’t let go of Xaden’s hand. Bowing her head slightly, she silently thanked the Duke and then focused all her attention on the map splayed out on the table. She took a closer look and felt her heart speed up once again. This particular map she was familiar with as she had seen it countless times before. These were the Tyrrish borders from the side it was neighboring with Navarre, but this time it looked a little different. Most of the blue spots representing Tyrrish forces along the borders were replaced by red dots scattered all over the thick, dark line representing the official divide between the provinces. This could only mean one thing. 

- The Navarrians are moving faster than we anticipated - general Tavis spoke up, standing up from his spot two chairs away from the Duke, pointing out the obvious - Only this morning we have received news that their forces have been relocated and redistributed between more outposts. This is both good and bad news on our side. On the bright side, more terrain coverage means less men standing guard and therefore makes them an easier target for us to fight back, but that doesn’t make them any less dangerous. Each of these places are protected by at least four to six dragons each. 

Four to six dragons. For a small squad of highly trained soldiers with swords and bows with arrows for weapons, even one dragon was a death sentence.

- That much we know, Gaylen - the Duke stated, leaning against the table with a frown - Tell me something I don’t know and it better be something we could use to our advantage. 

Garrick’s father shot the Duke a disregarding glance, rolling his eyes as if it was obvious he was also carrying good news. 

- There is word that King Tauiri is gathering his generals and highest ranking officers in the capital. We’re almost certain that they are planning on reevaluating the crisis, considering the fact that Queen Maraya has been invited to treat with him in three days time. 

- They must be desperate if they have decided to look for help beyond the Poromish borders - Fen replied with a hum, scratching his chin - What does it mean for us?

- Well we have something that Tauiri can’t give Queen Maraya even if he found a way to turn into a dragon - Gaylen smiled and turned his gaze to Drina - We have a future queen amongst us. 

For a moment the whole room went silent. Suddenly Drina felt all nine pairs of eyes on her as she looked around unsure of what had happened. Unaware of the. Context of general Tavis’s statement, she kept quiet, trying to remain calm. Her efforts were for naught when Xaden raised his voice in a manner most unseemly for the future Duke. 

- You want to marry Drina off to Maraya’s son? Are you completely mad? Artasan is a monster!

That was the moment Drina started to lose her shit. 

- He’s the future king of Poromiel, Xaden - the Duke boomed at his son, silencing his outrage - Alexandrina is a descendant of a noble house with long history in Tyrrish culture and therefore is a perfect candidate. Unlike you, she knows when duty must supersede one’s personal needs. 

Drina wasn’t sure she was following the conversation happening next to her, but she registered a few words. Marry. Maraya’s son. Monster. 

Neither of them sounded like anything she’d be willing to do but the Duke was right. She knew the meaning of duty and the sacrifices it required. That didn’t mena she was overjoyed with the fact that she could be shipped off as a future bride wrapped like a gist with a pretty bow on top. 

- You can’t possibly be serious, general - Xaden exclaimed, now focused on Garrick’s father - She’s neither a bargaining chip, nor a brood mare to be sold if need be. She belongs here. 

- Xaden, I think you’re forgetting yourself - Fen reprimanded his son quietly, glaring at the boy sitting to his right with a disappointed expression painted on his face - You should get some fresh air and calm down. 

As it would happen, Xaden did not agree with his father on neither of the matters. He was on the verge of creating yet another scene, when he felt a cold hand sneaking into his clenched palms. He turned his head only to see Drina looking at him with begging eyes, as if she was silently asking him to leave it be. He could clearly see she was just as disoriented as he was, but she kept her calm and asked him to do the same. It wasn’t easy, but one deep breath later Xaden looked at his father, nodding silently and sliding his chair away from the table. 

- You’re right, father. I believe both Drina and I need the fresh air, so if you’ll excuse us, we’ll take our leave now. 

And so he stood up, dragging Alexandrina behind him. Without thinking twice she followed his steps, shooting the Duke and apologetic glance, before blindly walking behind Xaden. She could hear the raised voices of all the councilors gathered in the room, but it was only for a few seconds before they closed the door behind them. Xaden never stopped walking, Drina’s hand in his as he navigated through the corridors and towards the staircase leading to his chambers. It wasn’t unusual for them to spend their time together in either of their rooms, but the tight grip he had on her hand told Drina this wouldn’t be one of their typical hangouts. When they climbed the stairs and reached the door to his room, Xaden stopped in his tracks, causing Drina to bump into his back. Quickly, he turned around and cupped her face in his hands, putting his forehead to her own as if he was trying to further calm himself down. Both of them took a deep, gentle breath, steadying themselves in each other’s presence. Drina enjoyed the warmth that emanated from Xaden’s hands, feeling herself snuggle into his palms. It was a moment of peace and quiet as they stood in silence before he spoke up. 

- I will not let you marry that sadistic pig, if it’s the last thing I ever get to do. 

[gretavangroupie]

Vigilance (Chapter 11)

Word count: 25.5k

Pairings: Jake x OC, Jake x Reader, Sam x OC

Warnings: 18+ as always, drinking, smoking, language, fluff, angst, smut.

This story is a collaboration with my best pal @gretavanmoon. Please go show her some love!

STRANGE HORIZONS: BRIDGEPORT

ONE DAY BEFORE SHOW

HER POV

You pull the ticket from the parking meter as you make your way into the garage, circling around and around trying to find an empty space to park. It was similar to the thoughts in your mind, circling round and round hoping to find one that didn’t include Jake. You waited for that to happen, but it never did. 

It had been two weeks since you left Nashville, and you only returned now because you had to. You wanted nothing more than to stay isolated on the sand of that sunny beach in North Carolina. Nothing but the sound of crashing waves and the feeling of the sun on your skin. A momentary escape from the real world. From your real thoughts. Your real feelings. Or at least, that's what you hoped would happen.

Your eyes caught an empty space, quickly turning into it and sitting in park. You took a deep breath as you grabbed your things from the front seat, and stepped out into the humid Tennessee air. You knew this wasn’t going to be easy, nothing ever was when it came to Jake. 

Your trip was supposed to clear your head, not sully it further. Caught in the crossfire of your own mind, you spent each day trying to sort out your thoughts. Find the solution you were looking for. But as the days dwindled down with no answer, you felt as if you left Nashville feeling better than when you returned to it. And now as you walked into the airport completely hazy, you wished you were still there wallowing in your own suffering on that quiet little beach.

You perched yourself on one of the overly stiff couches outside of the ticket counter, pulling your phone from your bag to check the group chat. You hadn’t spoken to any of them since you left. Well, not really anyways. Just one email with their travel information, thoroughly detailed just so that they wouldn’t have any reason to reach out. But they did. Mainly Sam. Even a few messages rolled in from Josh. Those didn’t bother you so much. It was the messages from Jake that got to you. Each one left on read. 

The truth is that you didn’t know what to say. You were hurt and confused. You believed the things Josh told you about Jake that day in the green room. Believed him when he said he loved you. That he wanted you. But reality hit you that morning in his hotel room. He had slept with Summer. He didn’t want you. He just wanted someone.

But what right did you have to be upset about that? You were sleeping with Sam. His brother, for god’s sake. That was not lost on you. You had no room to talk. So you didn’t. And now here you sat, counting down the minutes until you would have to face him again.

As the group walked through the sliding doors, you could hear them before you saw them. They stepped into the clearing looking left and right, until finally spotting you. You watched as they rolled their suitcases towards you, Sam breaking into a full out sprint. You braced yourself for the hug you were about to receive as he wrapped his arms around you pulling you up from the couch. 

He spun around in a circle before setting you back on your feet, and looking you over. His eyes flashed to the phone in your hand, “Wow, so that thing does work!” he laughed.

“Yeah, I was starting to think you were dead?” Josh joked.

You grabbed your bag from the couch, as you started to lead the group over to the ticketing counter, “What, can a girl not take a little unplugged vacation?” you asked, not planning on letting them in on the real reason you left.

Sam threw his arm around your shoulder as you continued to walk, “I just wish you would have told me. I was starting to worry if you were even going to be here today.” he laughed nervously.

“Of course I’m here Sammy…where else would I be?” you say, knowing deep down, it would be anywhere but here.

—

“You look awfully tan, where did you run off to anyways?” Sam asks, tossing peanuts into his mouth. 

You look up from your book, trying to keep yourself occupied so that no one would try to strike up a conversation, which clearly wasn’t working. “North Carolina. Emerald Isle… It sounded…peaceful.” you answered.

“You didn’t text me back…” he trailed off.

“I know. I didn’t text anyone back. I just needed some time. Speaking of time…” you said looking at your phone, “We should be boarding in a few minutes.”

Your knee began to bounce nervously as the time drew nearer, the anxiety setting in about the impending flight. 

Sam noticed, placing his hand on your arm. “Just like last time. It will be fine.”

—

You had to admit, one of the perks of the job was flying first class with the rest of the guys. As someone who felt uneasy about flying in the first place, the extra space and free alcohol seemed to help calm those nerves, at least while the plane was still on the ground. As you made your way to your seat you looked for Sam, but as you arrived next to him you saw the wrong seat number. Glancing down at your ticket in confusion, you saw your number was actually the next row back. I thought I was next to Sam, maybe I’m next to Daniel? 

You slide into the aisle seat, and pull out your phone. The guys file in behind you, reading the strip of numbers as they find their seats, but when Daniel walks past you, you feel the bile start to rise in your stomach. You begin to mentally flip through the bookings desperately trying to remember who was supposed to sit where. You were absolutely positive you placed yourself next to Sam. This couldn’t be right.

As you try to pull up the booking information on your phone, the gravelly voice that has been playing in your head for weeks rings out clear as day, “Looks like I’m right there.”

Your eyes flash up to meet his, partially hidden by the blue tinted lenses. You stand up, and step out into the aisle, letting him past you but not without being overtaken by the smell of his cologne. He tosses his backpack under the seat in front of him, before buckling his seatbelt and crossing his legs. You slide back into your seat, resituating yourself and turning your face back to your phone. 

“Hey Jake…” Sam says, turning around, pushing his face between the openings of the seats.

Jake lifts his head to look at him, raising his eyebrows.

“She’s a nervous flier…” Sam says, causing Jake to turn his attention to you.

You shrug your shoulders in agreement and he nods his head, “It will be over quick.” he says, sending you a gentle smile.

Sam sits back down in his seat, and you lean down to grab your book from your bag, rustling around in the overly full abyss until your fingers find the dog-eared pages.

The flight attendant greets the two of you taking your drink orders and returning immediately with the beverages. As you sip on your tequila soda, Jake follows suit taking small sips of his Jack and Coke. “These should help, no?” he asks.

You glance up at him and you can tell that there is a sense of nervousness in his question, almost as if he was afraid to speak to you.

You swallow quickly, “Maybe. I–I hope so.” you answer, taking in the sight of him in what you’ve come to know is his favorite black button up. Made of soft cotton and broken in just right. A staple from his slim collection, paired with a pair of worn-in jeans, rolled at the ankles as his legs sit crossed comfortably in front of him. 

He takes you in just the same, admiring the glow of your sunkissed skin, further enhancing the small sprinkle of freckles on your arms, only visible during the warm summer months. He pries his eyes away from you so as not to stare, but you find yourself wishing for his gaze to return. Missing the feeling of his eyes on you.

You continue to sip at your drink, hoping the alcohol would work faster in aiding your fears but as the attendants ended their safety demonstration you knew your time was almost up. Throwing back the rest of the drink, you sat the empty cup in the tiny cup holder in front of you, wishing it would somehow magically refill in the next ten seconds. 

The plane began to taxi the runway as your knee started to bounce nervously. You ran your sweaty palms over the tops of your bare legs, in an attempt to rid yourself of some of your nervous energy. Suddenly the plane began to accelerate, tearing down the runway rapidly moving almost as quickly as your heart rate. Your hands gripped the arm rests as the negative G’s began to pull you backwards.

Squeezing your eyes tightly shut you felt the plane lifting off the ground. But the other thing you felt was the warm, soft hand that came to rest on your bouncing knee, instantly calming the action beneath it. Opening your eyes at the contact you were taken aback. The two of you had hardly spoken two words to each other, but for some reason this was different. This wasn’t him making a move on you. No, this was Jake doing what he did best. Providing the calm energy that flowed through his veins to someone who needed it.  

You could feel it, transferring from his skin to yours, feeling your body physically relax at his gentle touch. His hand rested on the top of your bare thigh, burning into your skin like scorching flames. The fire traveling through your leg and up into your chest, weaving paths through your body until it completely consumed you. 

The weight of his hand was sure and steady as it rested there, a place he hadn’t touched in years, but what only felt like minutes. As the plane continued to gain altitude his hand remained, waiting there until he felt it was safe to remove it. Part of you hoping he never did.

You could feel his fingers as they sunk into the soft flesh of your thigh, his calloused fingertips gliding up and down just barely noticeable unless you were watching. Which you were. You could hardly peel your eyes away from it. When the plane hit a tiny bit of turbulence on the ascent you found your hand flying down to lay on top of his, grasping for something solid. Something safe. 

His head snapped to look at you, your eyes flicking up to his, full of panic and never breaking contact until the plane slowly began to level out at the final cruising altitude. You swallowed nervously, releasing your hand from his. His index finger raising to meet your palm as you pulled your hand away. Such a simple action sending a twist into your stomach and a chill down your spine.

Then suddenly his hand was gone. The warmth from where it once sat now met with the cool cabin air. You were sure if you looked down you would see a fiery red print of his hand left emblazoned on your skin, but as your eyes glanced down you saw nothing. No mark, no sign, no trace that it ever happened. However, you could still feel it there, almost as if it never really left. 

But that was Jake. Leaving his invisible mark on you. One you could never see but would always feel. No matter how hard you tried not to. That’s how you knew this wasn’t really over. Not even close. 

—

You catch him out of the corner of your eye, peeking over the pages of his book to grab a glimpse of you. His book, seemingly far less interesting than the thought of you sitting next to him on this flight. You smile to yourself each time you see him do it, wondering what he must be thinking as his eyes trail up and over the pages. 

You bury your nose in your own book, hoping to immerse yourself in the pages in front of you, momentarily taking you out of your own reality. At least that's how you felt when you started it. Now, you weren’t quite sure you wanted to be anywhere other than right here. It was stupid of you, you thought. Your heart flip flopping on how it felt about him every other minute. You loved him, yes, but that didn’t necessarily mean you liked him right now. How simple was it for him to change that thought with just the touch of his hand? Which brought you circling back to your argument of why it even mattered to you that he slept with Summer, since you two had given each other no indication of your feelings for each other, or if they even really existed.

In a frustrated huff you closed your book and set it on your lap, rubbing your fingers over your eyes. You could feel his eyes on you as you opened your own, setting your hands to rest in your lap.

You turn your head to face him, his eyes wide as he realizes he's been caught in the act this time. You raise an eyebrow at him, as he closes his book and tucks it under his leg. You watch him swallow nervously as he goes to speak, “How was your…trip?” he asks, his voice low and cautious.

His eyes search yours as he waits to hear your answer, but begins to second guess himself. “Or, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I can just keep reading my book...”

“It was…warm. But not what I expected. I don’t think I care too much for the Atlantic Ocean.” you answer.

He chuckles under his breath, holding up the book that was just under his leg. ‘We The Drowned’ adorning the cover. “Some of the most interesting shipwrecks took place in the Atlantic.” he says flipping through the pages of the book.

“Probably because it’s one of the most dangerous in the world.” you offered.

“That it is, but beauty hides in danger you know…” he replies, in his usual cryptic way, just before changing the subject. “Why did you go? On your trip…” he asks.

“To… get out of Nashville.” you answer, not completely a lie.

He looks to the floor, nodding his head, “Ahh…To get away from me.”

His eyes look to yours, and he finds his answer as he plays with the rolled edges of his book.

“No…” you squeak out.

A soft push of air leaves his nose and a smile curls his lips, “I can still tell when you’re lying you know…” he says, turning to look at you.

Of course he can.

“I just wanted to go…Somewhere quiet where I could think…Figure some things out. Find some answers. Just needed a little bit of me time.” you answer.

“And did you find your answers?” he asks, bringing his fingertips to his chin.

“No.” you reply defeatedly.

He runs his fingers over hip lips, thinking about his response almost as if he knew he had the answer you needed, “It will come to you. When you least expect it.”

—

You all stand in front of the luggage carousel, looking for your bags as they circle around, waiting to be plucked from the line. Jake’s words circled through your mind just the same, ‘When you least expect it…’  You wondered what he meant.

Sam threw his arm around you as he took a spot next to you, “How was it? You good?” he asks.

“It was fine, although I swear I booked our seats together.” you answer.

“I don’t see any blood, so it looks like you two didn’t kill each other.” he laughs.

You elbow his ribs, sending him hurdling dramatically into Daniel.

You watch as he and Daniel begin to collect their bags and instrument cases, placing them onto the rolling cart. You watch patiently for yours, knowing it will be coming around any second. 

You spot it, stepping forward to grab it but it's Jake’s hand that takes the handle, yanking it from the belt. Shocked, you turned to look at him, “How did you know that was mine?”

“Oh, uh, I saw it when we got to the airport this morning. I guess I just remembered what it looked like.” he said with a soft hopeful smile. 

“Well thanks, I could have grabbed it, you didn’t have to do that…” you trail off. 

“I know. I wanted to.” he says, placing the suitcase on the cart. He turns back, grabbing his guitar case as it passes, and you all start to make your way to the exit. Pulling your phone from your bag, you pull up the information for the pickup spot and lead the way. 

—

Loading five suitcases and two instrument cases into a van proved to be more difficult than you anticipated. After roughly twenty minutes of luggage tetris you were on your way to the hotel, fully ready to have a drink. The ride was relatively quiet, Sam spent most of the time showing you pictures on his phone of all of the things he did over the past two weeks that he didn’t get to tell you about, flicking away the messages that would occasionally pop up across the screen. 

You felt bad about leaving Sam hanging, not even mentioning you were leaving. But you knew if you told him, he would come to you. He would find you, and fuck you until you couldn’t remember your own name. So you said nothing, and simply left without even so much as a text. But as you laid on that beach it wasn’t Sam you thought of. 

The van pulling into the hotel drop off snapped you back to the present. Everyone began to file out, pulling the carefully arranged bags from the back one by one until yours was the last one left, and sure enough there was Jake again to lend a hand. You blushed as he rolled it towards you with a subtle nod.

You grabbed your phone as you made your way into the lobby, telling the guys you would be back with their room keys. But as you approached the front desk and gave the man your confirmation number, he turned you away stating that your check in time was not until 4:00 pm and it was only 2:30. You pulled up your confirmation, to show him where you had selected an early check in, but to your surprise it wasn’t there. You hadn’t done it. Now, this wouldn’t have been a problem if the guys didn’t have to be in the van and ready to go at 3:45 to head to the venue. But they did, and you needed to figure this out quickly.

You fumbled with the iPad in your bag trying to pull it out of the mess, thoughts swirling a mile a minute. You placed yourself on one of the lobby chairs and began checking times and booking information. You were so sure you selected early check in? How did you manage to get two things wrong in one day?

You just need to call the venue and tell them you’ll be late, then call the van driver and tell him the new time, and everything will be fine. Except it wasn’t. The venue was more than willing to accommodate the later meeting, however the van driver had another pick up and wouldn’t be able to come back until 5:30, pushing everything back significantly. You had no choice but to agree. Your hands were tied. 

The guys all walked through the door as you hung up with the driver, seeing the look of panic on your face as they approached you.

“We good to go?” Josh asked.

“Not exactly... Apparently I forgot to request an early check in, so they wont let us into our rooms for another hour and a half.” you say.

“You forgot? What do you mean you forgot?” Josh asks, furrowing his brow.

“I swear I selected it, I’m not sure what happened but it definitely is not on our booking, and the receptionist was not budging.” you answer.

“Great…” he gripes. “Don’t we have to be at the venue in like an hour?”

“Yeah, you do. I just got off the phone with your driver and told him they wont let us check in until later and that you would need to be picked up later than planned. I called the venue and they were fine with pushing the meeting back, but the driver can't come until 5:30 now, due to a previously scheduled pickup. But I–” Josh’s voice suddenly interrupted you.

“Y/N, are you fucking serious?” Josh asks.

You recoiled at the harshness of his words. He didn’t let you finish.

“I’m sorry?” you ask.

“This isn’t some fun little vacation Y/N, this is work. This is your job. It is your job to make sure shit like this doesn’t happen! Our whole day is going to be thrown off because you forgot to do something? I thought you could handle this! You can't even deal with an early check in? Do you know how bad this makes us look to the venue staff?” he seethes, shaking his head. “Maybe if you weren’t so far up my brother's asses you would have more time to focus on what you’re actually here to do. Maybe I was wrong about you.” 

You feel your eyes well with tears and overwhelming guilt take over your body. Your eyes leave his and look down to the floor in embarrassment. 

Was he right?

JAKE POV

“Josh!” you yell, you can feel your blood boiling under your skin.

His eyes snap to you in a silent ‘what’.

“That’s fucking enough! What is wrong with you?! Since when do you talk to people like that, let alone Y/N? You prick, you’re lucky she doesn’t quit on the spot and leave your ass to figure this shit out for yourself! Unbelievable.” you continue, shaking your head. “You know she is doing a damn good job, you said it yourself a week ago! Sure it's an inconvenience, but are you really going to stand here and say you’ve never made a mistake? Get a grip Josh.” 

His face softens and demeanor shifts, he knows you’re right, whether he will admit it or not. 

Daniel turns to her, placing his hand on her arm, “Y/N, don’t listen to him. I don’t know what crawled up his ass. You’re doing great, I’m sure everything will work out fine.” 

Your eyes flick over to hers, filled with tears but trying her best not to crack in front of all of you. Don’t break baby, hold strong. You watch as she swallows down the lump in her throat, and turns away, walking back to the front desk.

When she is out of earshot you step up closer to Josh, grabbing him forcefully by the back of his neck, and growling into his ear, “Don’t ever let me hear you talk to her like that again, or you and I are going to have a fucking problem. Understand?” you say, releasing him with a push. He shrugs you off and turns away.

You look over to Sam, who is completely oblivious to everything around him as he talks on the phone in the corner. Who the fuck is he talking to? Why is he not over here defending her?

Josh pulls out his phone and ignores you as you stand there watching him, wondering what the fuck came over him to make him snap like that. You see Y/N walking back towards the group, with room keys and a stoic expression. 

She clears her throat to address the group, “I talked to the manager and explained the situation. She issued us our keys. I’m gonna go to my room and change, and make a few calls but I will send you all a text when the van gets here.” she says, completely dejected not making eye contact with any of you.  

She passes out the keys to each of you, eyes full of sadness as she hands Josh his last. “Sorry I’m not what you expected. I understand if you need to find someone else.” 

She turns and walks away, her suitcase rolling next to her as she makes her way to the elevator. Fuck.

Daniel turns to Josh, “God damn dude. If that’s how you treat your friends, I would hate to be your enemy.” 

—

Tapping your keycard to the door you enter your room, which is much larger and nicer than the last hotel, with a stunning view of the ocean. You set your things on the table and open the curtains, fully taking in the beauty of the Atlantic, smiling to yourself as you thought back to your conversation with Y/N just a few short hours ago. 

You knew she was going to run. She always did. If she was hurt, really hurt, she was going to run away, and isolate herself. Completely shut the world out trying to close herself off from the pain, hoping that it wouldn’t find her wherever she was going. But it always did, it was written all over her face as you saw her at the airport this morning. You couldn’t exactly blame her, you were hurting too. 

You kicked off your boots, as you made your way over to the bed, laying down into the fluffy white duvet with a sigh. The feeling of her skin against your hand playing on repeat in your mind. You weren’t sure why you did it, instinct maybe, but you don’t regret it. You could feel her relax at your touch. You still had that effect on her. It gave you hope. Hope that maybe she didn’t hate you. Hope that maybe she would hear you out. You wanted to show her that she could trust you. That you were always there for her. Vigilant for her. 

But now you lay here picturing her face as Josh berated her just a few minutes ago. The tears in her eyes and the pain on her face. How could he say that? Right in front of everyone. You wanted to grab her, take her away and tell her he was wrong. Hold her until she believed you. But you couldn’t. 

You force yourself up from the bed, scanning the room for the mini bar. You pull one of the mini bottles from the cabinet, along with a tonic water and mix together the tequila and bubbles. It would at least take the edge off. 

You walk over to the couch and sit, staring out at the ocean as you sip your drink. You watch the waves as they kiss the rocky shoreline, only for a moment before being pulled away again, but knowing it will be a short time before they return once more. A hopeful sentiment that was so applicable to you. You began to wonder if Josh was right. Would she return to you? Would she come back?

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Leaning over you pulled the shiny black device into view, knowing it was probably just the group chat, but to your surprise it wasn’t.

LD

2:57pm: Is he right?

Oh god, she is still tearing herself up.

You

2:58pm: No, not this time.

You want to say more, but you don’t. You were shocked she even messaged you to begin with. You scrolled up, looking at the messages you sent her or the last few weeks, all read but never responded to. You didn’t expect her to, but you still hoped. A few minutes pass, your knee anxiously bouncing as you wait to see if she will message you again.

LD

3:01pm:​​ Thank you for saying what you did.

You

3:02pm: It’s true, you know. You are doing a good job. I’m proud of you. 

LD

3:05pm: Thanks…I needed that. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you too. 

Your heart leaps in your chest. She is proud of you. Just as you go to reply, a text comes across the screen in the group chat.

LD

3:10pm: Change of plans…Driver will be here in 20. Sorry for the confusion, we are back on schedule. See you in the lobby.

—

Anxiety swirls in your chest as you ride the elevator down. The line of communication had been reopened, you were making progress. You were nervous to see her after your text exchange just minutes ago, but as the doors opened to the lobby, it wasn’t her that you saw, it was Josh talking to Summer.

You walked past them, nodding your head as a hello, and pulling your phone from your pocket. You hadn’t spoken to Summer about what happened, unsure what to say in the moment without blowing up on her. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t know what she was doing when it happened. As far as you knew she had no idea about you and Y/N, and you planned to keep it that way. But what you didn’t want was for Y/N to step off the elevator and see you talking to her. You made your way over to a couch and began to scroll through Instagram.

A few minutes later, Sam and Daniel join you on the couch making small talk while mindlessly scrolling on their own phones. Y/N was the last one down, her cheeks still slightly swollen from the remnants of her inevitable break down when she got back to her room. A pang shot through your chest at the thought, followed closely by anger knowing that Josh caused it. You swallowed back your emotions as she made her way over to the group, sending her a soft smile as she approached. 

“Have everything you need?” she asks the group. Summer and Josh, walking over to join you.

You all stand to meet her, grabbing your cases and heading over towards the door. She buries her face in her iPad, checking the schedule as you walk behind her before climbing into the van.

—

After a short ride, you’re walking through the door at the venue, depositing your guitar with your tech, making sure he has ample time to do his job before you need it, then returning back to the group.

You watch as inconspicuously as possible as Y/N goes over details with the venue staff, signing paperwork, and discussing timelines. You won't soundcheck until tomorrow morning, but the venue requested you be present during the stage set up. So here you sat, watching as the stage you so loved grew on the once empty platform. 

After about an hour, the stage was built and the crew was adding the finishing touches. Josh approached you and Daniel talking on the side of the stage, “Should we go eat? You guys hungry?” he asked.

“I’m always hungry. Where do you want to go? What’s around here?” Daniel replies.

“Ask Sam, he always knows a place.” You suggest. Josh nods and goes to find Sam in search of a restaurant. 

“You think he’s gonna apologize?” Danny asks.

“He needs to. I think he hurt her feelings pretty bad.” you reply.

“Yeah?” he asks.

“She texted me, after we all got into our rooms. I couldn’t believe it honestly. Asked me if he was right.” you say.

“Damn, he got to her.” he says.

“Think so. I think he knows he fucked up too. Hasn’t talked to her since.” you say shoving your hands into your pockets. 

Daniel nods his head, “You know how he is…I’m sure he will. He just has to find the right arrangement of words.”

—

Sam did in fact have a restaurant in mind, only two blocks away from the hotel. A swanky little seafood restaurant that overlooked Port Jefferson. Leave it to Sam to find the most expensive oysters in Connecticut. 

The van dropped you off outside, and you all scurried inside the large glass doors. You rode the elevator up to the top floor of the building, all of you huddled into the small space. When the doors opened you stepped out into the large waiting area that held the hostess stand.  Y/N stepped up, giving the girl the name on the reservation she was miraculously able to book at the last minute. 

You don't know how Josh could ever justify saying the things he did when she was able do things like this. The hostess led you to a large table littered with candles and polished glasses that shone in the flicker of the candle light. Everyone chose a seat, and for once you sat as far away from Josh as you could. Y/N clearly had the same idea, taking the seat between you and Sam. 

You all began flipping through the menus over small talk, looking over the extensive drink menu and discussing the options. As your eyes scanned over the list you decided you wanted to take it easy tonight. Maybe prove to yourself that you could handle your emotions without the help of hard liquor. So you decided to stick to wine, ordering a glass of Chardonnay, but not without ridicule from Sam. 

As the waiter brought out everyone's drinks you began to sip the crisp white, a perfect pairing with the overpriced oysters sitting on the table. You tried not to stare as you watched Y/N tip the oyster shell to her lips, the action sending a jolt straight to your groin. Your eyes traveled down her neck, watching as she swallowed before taking in the rest of her. Her burgundy dress held her curves just right, her hair hanging in waves around her shoulders. She was so pretty. She always was. 

Sam turns to look at you, catching you in the act as you study her. Your guilty eyes flick up to his, and you watch a sly grin cross his face. “Jake, did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?” he says, sending you a wink.

The fuck? Did she see that?

“Are you going to tell me that every time we eat oysters, Sammy?” you ask.

“No, I’ve just never seen them in action before.” he quips.

Your jaw clenches and you grab your wine taking a long swig, hoping the redness of your cheeks is concealed by the glass. As you return it to the table, Sam sparks a new conversation with her, pulling her attention from his comments as he raises an eyebrow in victory. He wins this round. 

After a delicious meal and a few glasses of wine, you felt the anxiety in your chest start to wither away. Everyone was laughing and talking freely now, as if the incident in the lobby hadn’t even happened. Y/N and Sam were giggling with each other, and you were just happy to hear her laugh again. She had her fair share of alcohol tonight, a French 75 being her drink of choice for the evening. Her cheeks were flushed and her guard was lowered, the quiet and collected facade she typically wore had dissipated.

When the waiter came by to ask if the group wanted another round, she declined, stating that she probably had too much already, laughing as she said it. 

“Just have one more! Come on, we’re all getting another, right Jake?” Sam asked..

You could see her thinking about it, the way the little crease in her brow appeared as she debated with herself. She looked over to Josh, his own cheeks red as he animatedly spoke to Summer. Then she turned to you, to hear your response, her eyes twinkling in the candle light. With a gentle smile you leaned in to whisper, “You should get another, you earned it. I’m not drinking anymore, but don’t tell Sam.”

You saw her nose crinkle with a smile as she nodded her head. “Okay, one more, but that’s it.” and with that the waiter was off the fetch another round.

“You two are a bad influence…” she laughed.

“But we’re your favorite bad influences…” Sam presses. 

Her eyes flick to yours, “More than you know…” 

A giggle left your chest, you knew she was done for and her drink hadn’t even come yet. 

—

One more drink turned into two more, and you watched as her, Sam, and Daniel were instantly transported back to high school, reliving the old days and laughing at the memories shared. 

One story in particular caught your interest, you adding your own anecdotes, sending all of them into a fit of laughter. You hadn’t seen them all laugh that hard in years. As the laughter started to die down, Sam and Daniel started a new conversation as Y/N turned to face you. You knew she was drunk, you could see it in her eyes. Glassy and bloodshot, a permanent smile on her face, making way for the barely there dimple in her left cheek. One of your favorite things about her. 

“Just one more, huh?” you ask jokingly, as she puts down the empty glass.

She huffs as she slaps your leg playfully. But she doesn’t remove it right away. It stays there sliding down to reach just above your knee, causing you to stiffen in your chair. 

“I’m fine…I’m not even that drunk…” she slurs, a soft giggle leaving her chest.

“Mmm, I beg to differ darlin’, you’re in rare form.” you reply, feeling her grip on your knee tighten.

“I…didn’tmeanto…” she says, almost as one word.

You slide your hand down to meet hers resting on your thigh, feeling her fingers against yours. “I know, it’s okay. I don’t think anyone else has noticed.” you say, squeezing her hand before pulling it away. You see her brow furrow at the loss of contact as she pulls her own hand away. 

A few minutes later, Daniel stands up from the table and makes the first move to head back to the hotel, “Let’s go, I’m ready to go to bed.” he laughs.

The rest of you agree and stand to meet him, but as you are pushing in your chair you notice Y/N, silently struggling to find her balance. The drinks definitely got her, but she was trying to play it cool.

Finding her footing, you all made your way to the elevator and down to the main lobby of the building. The hotel was only about two blocks away, and it was a nice night so you all decided to walk, instead of calling an Uber, knowing a walk would sober you up anyways. 

You let everyone walk in front of you, feeling like you could keep a better eye on them from there, watching as Josh and Daniel chatted, Summer played on her phone, and Sam and Y/N tried to have a conversation. You smirked at her trying to walk normally in her heels, knowing it was taking every ounce of effort she had. 

She turned back to look for you, smiling as your eyes met before turning back around. Sam whispered in her ear before running to catch up with Josh and Daniel, leaving Y/N to hobble along by herself. 

You picked up your pace a little, now only a few steps behind her, taking in the smell of her perfume floating behind her as she walked. As you drew closer to the hotel, you pulled your phone from your pocket to scroll through your notifications. As usual, there was nothing important, so you returned it back to your pocket. As your eyes glanced up, you saw Y/N misstep, and start to fall forwards. You lunged forward grabbing her arm, and holding her steady. She spun to look at you, shocked that you caught her. 

“Been walking long?” you joke with a playful smirk.

She just giggles and turns to keep moving, but as you release your grip on her arm you feel her hand slide down and brush yours, before grabbing it completely. Thinking she may just need you for balance you let her take it, secretly reveling in intimacy of the act. The hotel was in your sights, and you found yourself wishing the walk was longer. You’ve touched her more today than you had in years. 

Her fingers moved to intertwine with yours causing your breath to hitch in your throat. You could feel the pang in your chest as her thumb slid across your wrist. She turned to look at you as it happened, her eyes heavy and a beautiful flush of pink still across her cheeks. You continued to walk hand in hand, feeling her legs try to carry her in all different directions.  

As you approached the front door of the lobby, you begrudgingly released her hand, grabbing the door from Sam, and ushering her inside with your left hand placed gently to her back. You let go of her as she walked to the elevator, and it becoming very clear to you just how drunk she was. 

Stepping inside, you pressed the button for floor six, before turning to her, “What floor are you?”

She just stares at you, and you can see her mind trying to process the words you’re saying. 

“Do you have your room key?” you ask.

“Yesssss.” she answers, digging into her purse. She pulls it out, and thankfully it is still in the paper wrapper with her room number written on it. “Oh, you’re the same as me.”

The elevator begins to move and you lean backwards onto the railing with a sigh. 

“You good?” Sam whispers, looking at her, before flicking his eyes to you. 

“I’m fine, she is not.” you laugh.

“I haven’t seen her this drunk in…years.” he replies.

“I think we have Josh to thank for that.” you say sending him a look.

“Want me to take her to her room?” he asks.

“Ahhh, we’re on the same floor, I’ll do it…” you answer. “Also, that oyster comment? Fuck off…”

He smiled and shrugged his shoulders as the elevator stopped at his floor, and he was walking out with a laugh.

As the elevator continues to climb it reaches floor six and the doors spring open. You step off, and motion your head for her to follow you. She turns to the group and gives them a hearty ‘goodnight’ as you laugh and shake your head.

The doors shut and you begin to walk her down the hallway to her room. You tap her keycard to her door and you can feel her eyes burning into the side of your head. You glance over at her as you hear the door unlock, and just by looking at her you can tell her mind is hazy and uninhibited. 

You push the door open, and she steps inside. You briefly wonder if you should just shut the door and go back to your room, but after what happened with Josh today, you decide to make sure her alarm is set, just in case. 

You let the door close behind you as you step over the threshold and into her room. It’s the same set up as yours, just reversed with a smaller bed. Her things are scattered everywhere, paperwork, and the like. You really had no idea how much went on behind the scenes. You just showed up when you were told. 

She threw her purse onto the dresser, and you took the initiative to step into the bathroom, and quickly look through her makeup bag to see if she had any ibuprofen. Pushing around the brushes and sparkly things you found a bottle at the very bottom. Bingo. You twisted the lid, and poured out 4 small red pills before putting the bottle back into the bag and stepping back out. 

She had positioned herself on the end of the bed, fiddling with the straps of her shoes. You walked over to the mini bar, grabbing a bottle of water and placing it and the pills on the bedside table. 

“Jake?” she says looking up at you.

“Mhmm?” you reply.

“I think I drank too much...” she admits.

You let out a small laugh and smile back at her, “I know you did, love. It’s okay, just get in bed.”

She lets out a groan as she continues to struggle with her shoes, throwing herself back onto the fluffy mattress. 

You nervously sit on the couch across from her, and hold your hand out, “Here.” you say, gesturing to her shoe.

She leans up on her elbows, eyes heavy and dark. She lifts her foot up to your hand, and you unbuckle the first shoe with ease, tossing it across the room and resting her foot on the floor. She lifts her other foot placing it in your hand and you remove the second shoe, tossing it to meet the other, giving her foot a slight squeeze as you release it. 

“Where’s your phone?” you ask.

“Mmm’bag… over there…” she says, pointing to the dresser. 

You stand up and walk over to it, lifting the flap to search for it. How do women find anything in here?

You feel it, and pull it out, seeing that it’s completely dead. “Charger?” you ask.

“Mmmmmm suitcase!” she giggles. She thinks this is funny…

With her phone in hand you walk over to her suitcase and search through it until you see the long white cord. Seeing a t-shirt you grab it too and stand up. You raise your eyebrows at her, tossing the shirt in her direction, landing on her stomach. 

“You go change, I’m gonna plug this in and set your alarm, then I am leaving. You need to sleep.” you say.

“Don’t wanna change… gonna sleep in this…” she slurs. 

“Y/N…” you warn, sending her a stern look.

She pushes herself up off of the bed, with the t-shirt in tow, “Ughhh you’re so… bossy. You know? Bossy…Actually…Actually, you’re not the boss of me…” she continues, stomping off to the bathroom.

She returned way too soon, walking toward you, barefoot and still clad in her dress. She held hazy eye contact as she slowly approached you, and you felt your heartbeat run wild. She turned around slowly, whispering over her shoulder, “Can you undo me?” 

The heartbeat that was running wild now felt different, as every drop of blood you had in your veins traveled straight to your dick. You felt dizzy at the sound of her words, wishing you could oblige and undo her in every sense of the word. She definitely still had that effect on you, even after all these years. 

With a rush of adrenaline, you stepped forward, bringing your hand up to push the hair gently over her shoulder exposing her neck and the tiny red zipper. As you settle her silky smooth locks over her shoulder, you drag your finger down the back of her neck until it meets the zipper. You grab it between your fingers, beginning to glide it down agonizingly slow. Leaning towards her, you whisper directly into her ear, “Actually sweetheart, I am the boss of you.” 

You watched as goosebumps physically formed on her body, sending a jolt of energy through her. You inhaled deeply and quietly, trying not to let your own visceral reaction at this motion be known. You purposefully pulled it slowly, letting your fingers graze down her spine as you continued its descent until finally you approached the end, not wanting it to be over. 

She spun around quickly, your hand still in the same position balancing on her lower back. As she turned, you left your hand there, bringing you face to face with her. Your eyes met, and you couldn’t stop yourself from letting your eyes fall to her lips, still stained with the prettiest shade of lipstick that she’d chosen for the night.

You wanted so badly to pull her into you, feel her chest rest on yours, bring yourself into her space more than you already were…but instead you released her, and she bounded off back to the bathroom, but not before stopping in the doorway and looking back at you, “Thank you…boss.” she said, sending you a wink and a salute.

When you hear the door shut you let out a giggle, laughing at her drunkenness. And god damn if she wasn’t sexy. You plugged the charger into the wall, and plugged the phone into the charger. You set it on the nightstand next to the water, waiting for it to turn on so you can set her alarm. Is this something you would do for anyone? Absolutely not. But for her… always. Even if things between the two of you were still rocky in the light of day. 

You stood there with your hands in your pockets, just looking around the room as you waited for her to come out. When she finally did it was as if all the air had disappeared from your lungs. You hadn’t fully considered that you only threw her a t-shirt until she came out in just that. 

You forced your eyes to look away from her, instead focusing on the bed, pulling back the sheets for her to climb in. You lift them up as she falls into the bed. Positioning herself to get comfortable. Almost immediately she softens, snuggling her face into the pillow. Her phone comes to life on the nightstand and you look to her, “Are you going to set your alarm, or should I do it?” you ask.

“You.” she answers.

You smirk, picking up her phone to set the alarm, only to be met with a passcode. You sit on the bed in front of her, as you stare at the screen. “What’s your code?” you ask, glancing over to her. 

She forces her eyes open, but only barely, grabbing your hand and turning the phone to face her. She types in the numbers but you feel the phone buzz in your hand, as she groans.

She tries again, but the same thing happens, “Oh forget it, you do it. It’s, two-zero-one-three.” she says and your heart nearly stops.

You type in the numbers with a shaky hand and the screen unlocks granting you access. 

She never changed it, it’s still 2013.

You set her alarm for 7:00am, and wince at the current time. It’s just past midnight and you know you all have a long day tomorrow. You place her phone back on the nightstand and turn to face her. Her eyes are blinking rapidly as she tries to keep them open, sleep threatening to take her at any second.

You stand up and walk across the room, turning off the lights. You return to the side of the bed, and you turn off that lamp too, “I’m leaving okay? There is water here if you need it.” you offer. 

“Jake…” she breathes, voice thick with sleep.

“Yeah baby…” you answer, the word slipping out before you could stop it. Hopefully she didn’t notice. 

“Don’t go yet…Stay…” she says. Fuck. You know this girl. You’ve met her before. That very first night in your bedroom all those years ago. If you couldn’t say no then, how could you possibly say no now?

“Only a few minutes…” you bargain.

You walk back to the edge of the bed, trying to decide where to go. Almost as if she could read your mind she turned to her other side and placed her hand on the opposite side of the bed, “Here.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Y/N...” you say, going against every fiber of your being.

“Just for a minute… please?” she begs.

Your legs carry you over to the other side of the bed as you dodge the objects littering the floor, the room shrouded in darkness. 

You slip off your shoes and in a risky move, lay down on the bed, propping yourself up on your elbow. You can barely see her face in the darkness of the room, the light shining in from the window providing the only illumination. 

You can see her eyes fluttering open and closed as she looks at you, “You look so different now…” she says, her voice soft and drawn out. “But not really that different…it’s a good different.”

You laugh and smile back at her, “Thanks, I think.”

“Yeah… you may be all hot and mysterious now, but you’re still the same here.” she says touching your chest. It was as if you had been shocked, 120 volts running straight through your body.  

“Ahh… I’ve seen better days where that is concerned.” you reply. 

She pulls her hand away and rests it in front of you. You can tell the alcohol is still strong in her bloodstream by how brave she is being. Knowing full well that she would never say these things sober. It’s quiet for a few minutes before she speaks again.

“Jake? Will you…play my song…” she asks, drawing out her words.

You inhale sharply at the request. Her song…Which one? They were all her songs as far as you were concerned.

“Which one, love?” you breathed.

“The flower song. Makes me cry.” she slurs. Of course it's that one. It’s always been that one.

“Mmm I don’t have my guitar darlin’…But if I did…” you pause, “I would play it for you a thousand times.” 

She rolls closer to you, her hand reaching up to touch your face. “You would?” 

“I would.” you answer. You grab her hand from your cheek and ghost her fingers over your lips, as you begin to hum the familiar tune that you’ve pushed from your mind for years. It’s not perfect by any means, you really only know the guitar chords, but for her, it’s enough.  

“One day?” she whispers.

“Yeah baby. One day.” you answer, placing her hand to your chest leaving it there as you pull yours away. You gently roll to your back and place your hands behind your head on the pillow, continuing to hum as her fingers start to trace the plains of your chest. “Close your eyes, beautiful. Time to go to sleep.” you whisper.

You close your own eyes taking in the feeling of her fingertips on your bare skin, silently thanking yourself for choosing not to button your shirts all the way. There was something about her touch that was so addicting, so magnetizing, you couldn’t drag yourself away if you tried. 

After a few minutes her fingers stopped moving, and you knew she was close to falling asleep. You carefully rolled back over to face her, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear as you whispered closely, “I’m gonna go, love. I’ll see you in the morning.” Your hand sliding down to rest at the side of her face. 

She rolled further into your touch, humming at the warmth of your palm, and through a tired breath she whispers into the darkness, “I love you…”

You drop your head pressing your forehead to hers wanting so badly to say it back, but you don’t. You trail your thumb over her cheekbone as your quiet whisper dances across her lips, “Will you still love me in the morning?” 

You wait for a few seconds to see if she is going to answer, but when you feel her long slow breaths fanning over your face, you know she's asleep. You leave the room quietly knowing that tonight, without a doubt, she fell asleep thinking of you.

—

NIGHT ONE

HER POV

Your alarm had been going off for a solid 5 minutes before you even attempted to reach over and silence it, the thumping in your head already making a strong entrance. I really need to change that damn alert tone. 

You sat up slowly, feeling the rushing and swooshing of your hangover begin to consume you. You looked to your night stand, and noticed an unopened bottle of water and 4 ibuprofen sitting by the lamp. Hmm…how did that get there? 

You tried to flip through your memories of the night before, oysters...cocktails…and lots of good conversation with the guys. Sam must have walked you back to your room and left it for you. You made a mental note to thank him later. 

You popped the pills into your mouth and chugged from the plastic bottle, having a little bit of a hard time choking it down. You really must have had one too many. You drug yourself into the shower and rinsed off the smell of gin seeping from your pores, trying your best to piece together the evening. You turned the water on extra hot while you massaged your scalp, adding extra pressure to your temples to try and relieve the ache. 

Right before you got out, you took a deep breath and prepared yourself. You turned the hot water almost all the way off, feeling the temperature shoot to almost ice cold as you stood under the shower head, allowing the cold water to wash over you. You didn’t remember who taught you that trick in college, but it was the best quick-fix to a hangover that you had right now. 

You got dressed for the day, and realized you felt a lot better than you should, given your lack of memory from last night’s escapades. You grabbed the spare room keys, and began knocking on the guys’ doors to get them going for the day. You got to Sam’s door, using your key to open it just slightly and peek your head inside. 

“Rise and shine, sleepy head!” You called into the room. All he did was raise a thumbs-up into the air before rolling around in his sheets. You trusted that he was awake; if there was one thing Sam never did, it was fall back asleep after he was awakened. 

“Hey, thanks for leaving me the water and ibuprofen last night. I really appreciate it.” you said. 

He turned to face you, rubbing his hands over his sleepy eyes, “I didn’t leave you water and pills...Wasn’t me in there.” He said, cracking a knowing, but sleepy smile. 

“What? Stop playing Sam, who else would it have been–” you stopped yourself as soon as you saw Sam cheesing hard back at you from across the room. 

He shrugged his shoulders hard, “Guess you shouldn’t have had that last drink, huh? Miss memory loss.” He laughed. 

You scoffed at him, letting the door slam closed. 

Who brought you back last night? How did you get back last night? No way it was Josh, Danny wouldn’t impose, that only leaves…No. Couldn’t be.

Knocks and yells through the door were next for Danny and Josh. You wholeheartedly hoped Josh wouldn’t open his door to greet you, as you were still feeling indifferent toward him for scolding you during yesterday’s mix-up. 

You really wondered why he had said those things to you, it was so out of character for him. It hurt, badly, and you were embarrassed, but you decided to not let it get to you. You knew you were good at your job. You were great at problem solving and putting out fires, and you were glad you were able to show him that by resolving the issue. You were proud of yourself. Jake was proud of you. 

Last was Jake’s room. You nervously brought your knuckles to the door, rapping on it a few times and listening for any signs of life. Instead of the normal four or five rounds of knocking before finally rustling him from his bedsheets, you were surprised with his bright and cheery face opening the door. 

He was up and showered, still shirtless with a pair of sweats hugging his lower half. His hair was falling in damp strands over his shoulders, and he had his toothbrush hanging from his mouth, and a little bit of toothpaste showing through his lips. He was…radiant.

“Morning!” He perked up. “You look…rested.” He said through a cheeky smile, continuing to brush his teeth. He leaned in his open doorway, crossing his ankles over one another as he took you in. You did the same, unable to form words from the mixture of his morning voice filling your ears, his long locks looking fresh, and his still shower-soaked skin glistening from the sunrise coming through the window behind him. 

You felt a heat rush over your face seeing him this way, something your eyes hadn’t had the pleasure of feasting on in many years. 

You blinked your intrusive thoughts away, “I…could say the same for you. Why are you up so early?” you asked, crossing your arms across your chest, truly questioning his out-of-character motives. 

He began to head back to the bathroom, nodding his head for you to follow him inside. Reluctantly, you followed and let the door close behind you, feeling strange about entering his room. 

You stayed perched in the doorway, not coming any further into the room so as not to cross any invisible boundaries. 

He returned promptly, throwing a t-shirt over his head, “Ahhh, I started waking up a little earlier a few weeks ago. Getting my day started earlier…” He said, stepping into the bathroom to exchange his sweats for jeans. “Somebody told me once that if you didn’t wake up with the sun, you might miss something beautiful. Kinda started to resonate with me lately.”

You couldn’t help but blush, a smile sneaking to your face. You hadn’t talked to Jake this much in ages. And it felt good. Natural even.

“Really? That’s good advice. From your dad?” You asked. 

He began grabbing for his already packed bags, slinging them over his shoulders. 

“No. You told me that.” He said, sending a shockwave through your body. Did you really say that? 

“Oh...I…guess I do kind of remember that now.” You felt like your mouth was full of mush, tongue twisted and trying to reply to his words. 

He simply nodded, then frowned, “Did you…have a good time last night?” He asked, almost sounding a bit shy. 

“Yeah, I really did. It felt good to relax a little. I may have…overdone it though. I don’t remember a damn thing. I’m actually not even sure how we got back.” You admitted, nervously running your hands through your hair. 

You watched as his face fell, a tell-tale sign that it really must have been him who accompanied you to your room last night. 

“You don’t...remember anything? At all?” He pressed. 

“No. Nothing, everything is really fuzzy. But, did you…walk me back to my room?” you asked, feeling weird even saying it out loud. 

He grinned with his lips pursed. “Yeah, I walked you back. You were having a hard time navigating, so...I thought I would... assist.” he said, offering little information. 

“So you walked me back, did you also...leave me the water and medicine?” You pry, trying to make him answer more than you were asking. 

He plopped back down on the bed behind him, suddenly making you realize you were on a time crunch, and shouldn’t be in here. 

He nodded. “Yes. I left you the water and the meds. And helped you change, and get out of your heels. And set your phone alarm. You know you let your phone completely die?” He was laughing through his words, and you felt positively humiliated. 

His words rang through your mind. You didn’t remember him being in your room at all, let alone helping you get changed? Out of your heels? Plugging in your dead phone? Your mind was spinning. 

“Jake, wait. You didn’t have to do all that. Why did you take care of me? I would’ve been fine...” you ramble. 

He leaned back on his arms. “No, I didn’t have to. But I wanted to. It wasn’t a big deal, Y/N, really.” He answered without a care in the world. 

“Okay, but...” you fidgeted with your shirt. “Was I acting...dumb?” You knew how mindless you could get after too many drinks. And unfortunately, Jake was no stranger to that side of you. 

He laughed. “You were a little silly, but nothing out of the ordinary. Sam and I actually said we hadn’t seen you like that in years. It was kind of…nostalgically sweet. Like we were teenagers again.” 

You felt your head rush. Nostalgically sweet? Was he trying to kill you? You felt your face flush. 

“God. Please don’t ever let me get that drunk again. Especially while we’re working.” you begged.

“We weren’t really working. We were eating, and that doesn’t count.” He stood from the bed, readjusting the bags that had fallen from his shoulders. He walked over and stood close, towering over you with a playfully scolding look on his face. “Besides, if I wouldn’t have taken care of you, it would’ve been me banging on your door this morning.”

You couldn’t argue with that. Still, you felt awful. Embarrassed that you had little to no memory of the night, aggravated with yourself for letting your phone die and potentially messing up the entire day again, and humiliated that Jake was the one to take care of you last night. He shouldn’t have had to do that. You decided you’d spend the rest of the day punishing yourself and wallowing in your own sorrow, just to make yourself feel bad enough that you’d never do it again. At least in this capacity. 

“Shit. I just feel so stupid. Let’s just go, we’ve got a big day ahead. And, Jake, thank you. Really. I appreciate it.” you relented, placing your hand on his arm. 

He grinned at you sideways, and took your hand from his arm and brought it to his lips. He brought his eyes to yours, the caramel of his irises still flickering in the morning rays. He smiled and gave your fingers the tiniest peck. 

“You actually already thanked me, love.” He winked, dropping your hand and walking to the door, opening the lever forcefully. 

He held his hand out, offering to follow you out, “Shall we?” 

——

Everyone had successfully made their way downstairs, on time and ready to go. You had contacted the driver, and he was set to arrive in 5 minutes. You took a seat on a chair in the lobby, clicking through emails and updates as usual. You tried not to feel anxious again, and reminded yourself that you did it before, and you could do it again. You also had a new fire lit within you, wanting to prove to Josh that you weren’t as distracted as he thought. 

After a few minutes of checking in with Allison and marking things off your checklist, Sam joined you in the oversized chair, squeezing his way in beside you. 

“Hello, lovely. How’s it going?” He asked quietly, throwing his arm around your shoulders. 

“Oh, so far so good, I guess. Just doing all of the things involved with putting you on stage successfully.” You grinned and gave him an elbow to the ribs. 

You still wondered where the line should be drawn with professionalism with them. They were all overly touchy humans at their core, so it wasn’t lost on them to make physical contact with everyone around them. You just didn’t want any of your constituents getting the wrong idea, though you were sure no one had. 

“You know, we really appreciate you. And you’re really doing a great job. I know it’s only the beginning of the tour, but things have already gone a lot smoother than they have in the past. You really know how to make it happen.” He said confidently. 

“Wow Sammy, thanks. I actually needed that.” you replied. 

“All I’m saying is Josh didn’t mean what he said. I don’t know who pissed him off, but you know him. Take everything he says with a grain of salt. I’m sorry he was shitty. That was so out of line.” He went on. “And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to take up for you. Jake and Daniel told me it wasn’t pretty.” 

“Yeah, it wasn’t the best but. He was partially right. I was a bit...distracted. We’re going to move on from it though, I’m not going to let it ruin the night.” You said, truly feeling better and offering Sam a reassuring smile. 

“That’s my girl.” He said, getting up from the chair. “Hey, before I forget. Remind me later, I need a favor.” He shot finger guns toward you as he backed away and rejoined the rest of the guys. 

A few minutes later, the van pulled up outside, and everyone grabbed their things to load up. Sound check started in just a few hours, and you could feel the same excitement building up as you did last time. You thought to yourself, you have one of the coolest jobs on the planet. And to be sharing it with your best friends? Could you be any luckier?

—-

You were kept busy for most of the morning, running tiny errands and performing menial tasks. Right before noon, you received a radio that the stage was set, and the crew was ready for sound check. You ran to their trailer, hoping to catch them all not preoccupied with something else. 

Luckily they were all doing their normal things, Summer taking photos while Sam and Daniel played around with a hackysack. “Hey guys, time to check sound. Let’s go.” you instructed them. They all stood to follow, and you made your way to the stage. 

“Perfect as always, guys!” Sam shot thumbs up into the air as they approved of everything, and walked toward the stage. You laughed as Sam began to hoot and holler, jumping on Danny’s back and spinning an invisible lasso above his head. Jake followed close behind, shoving Sam off of Danny and running away quickly as the three of them began to tussle. You shook your head in disbelief, always falling in love with their antics. 

You found yourself always looking forward to sound check, knowing you had a few minutes of downtime to collect yourself before the show. Just then, you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to see Josh, looking at you sorrowfully, his eyes full of sadness. 

“Hey, think we can sit for a minute?” He said, motioning to the patch of grass below you. 

“Uh, yeah sure. Don’t you need to...get up there, though?” You stammered. 

“Ah, I’ve got a few minutes before they need me. They’re slow as shit anyway.” He took a seat right there in front of the stage, making himself comfortable in the grass. You hesitated, and he patted the spot next to him. You felt anxiety creeping up, knowing what was to come next. 

He huffed a loud exhale through his mouth, and leaned his head back on his shoulder, looking you in the eyes. 

“I fucked up, Y/N. I fucked up badly. I wanted to talk to you about it, because apparently my stupid comments to you have kind of had a ripple effect.” He paused, waiting for a reaction. You held eye contact, waiting for him to go on. 

“You did not deserve what I said to you, none of it is true, it never has been. I don’t know why I said those horrible things. You’re killing it here, and you just started. Do you know how long it’s taken our coordinators to get the hang of things in the past? Weeks, months, even. And you waltzed into this job like you’ve been doing it for years.” he said.

You offered him a small smile, showing him that you were appreciating his apology. 

“I just wanted to apologize, truly. I’m really sorry, Y/N.” He put his hand on his chest. 

You rested on his words for a few beats, hearing the loud strumming of Jake’s guitar ringing out across the amphitheater grounds. You and Josh both looked his way, and Jake shot you a warm smile, one that you were very familiar with. He always smiled like that when he saw Josh happy. 

“Thanks for apologizing. It really tore me up there for a bit, you know I take words to heart.” You replied quietly. “But you were right, Josh. Maybe I needed a little wake-up call. Honestly, it kind of was like a pep talk, in some weird way? I don’t know.” 

“No, it shouldn’t have been like that. I was way out of line, and I made you unhappy. That’s not what I’m here to do.” He paused, watching as Danny tapped around, adjusting everything to be right in his reach. 

“You see, if my brothers are unhappy, then I’m unhappy. And if I’m the one to cause their unhappiness, then it’s even worse for all of us. It’s a conundrum, really. Especially with Jake. I feel his emotions more than I feel my own, most of the time.” He stared off into the distance, eyes glossing over. 

“I guess that’s why I blew up on you. It’s no excuse in the least, but it’s because I felt what he was feeling so intensely. It made me just…mad at you? I suppose? No...mad isn’t the word.” Josh was sputtering over his words, something you’d truly never seen him do. He was always so eloquent and well spoken, but right now, he was struggling. He sat up and crossed his legs, running his hands over his face. 

“What do you mean, Josh?” You weren’t sure where he was going with this. 

He took another deep breath. “I just...I know he’s still in love with you. And I’m willing to bet my life that you still feel the same. I hate watching him like this, feeling him like this. You’ve got him torn up, Y/N. And it’s been worse since we all went home for the Fourth. Then everything with Sophia really just sent him down hill…” he paused again. You let his words sink in. You knew you were hurting Jake, but things were starting to get better. Josh had to know that. 

“I think he and Sam are okay. At first it had him really fucked up. But I think you guys worked that out. I’m just…I’m really trying over here. I feel his agitation and I just… Exploded on you. And you didn’t deserve that. And I’m very sorry. I hope you still love me.” He offered you a smile. “Please don’t quit on us. I almost had a heart attack when you told me to find someone else.” He gripped his chest again, chuckling his hearty laugh. 

You laughed in return. “Thank you for apologizing, Josh. Everything is cool, and of course I still love you. You’re my brother.” You put your arm around his shoulders, pulling him in for a squeeze. “And my boss, but we don’t have to talk about that.” You left your head on his shoulder, and suddenly the guys erupted in cheers and applause from on stage, obviously feeling relieved that you two had resolved things. 

The two of you laughed together, and things immediately felt back to normal. You couldn’t stay upset with Josh if you tried. He stood up, wiping blades of grass from his backside. 

“Hey, wait.” You went on. “What do you mean you’re ‘really trying over here’?”

He grinned and stretched his arms above his head, “Oh, you know. Just playing matchmaker. Do you really think you and Jake keep ending up in the same vicinity by accident? Side by side on airplanes...him walking you back to hotels from restaurants and tucking you into bed at night…I saw you holding hands on the walk back last night. Looked pretty cozy to me. No such thing as a coincidence, love.” He shot you a wink, and was off to join his brothers on stage. 

And it was then you realized that it was because of Josh that Jake found his confidence to place himself beside you again. 

—

The time came around for the show to start, and your anxious feeling rolled around once more. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of this feeling. The rush was addicting, you couldn’t imagine what it felt like for the guys. 

You walked to the front door of the dressing room, knocking on it a few times before entering. Josh was rushing around, drink in hand, Danny was sitting on the couch with Jake showing each other videos, and Sam was laid out in a chair, almost completely undressed, typing madly on his phone. 

“Sam, you know you go on in 15 minutes. Why aren’t you dressed?” You quip, aggravation in your voice. The rest of the guys laughed. 

“Because, Y/N, I put on a pair of pants and a jacket. Tell me how on earth that takes more than literally 14 seconds? I don’t take half an hour to get dressed like my eldest brother, in case you haven’t noticed.” He said, keeping his seat. 

You shut your eyes and bring your fingertips between your eyes, massaging the bridge of your nose. “Will you please just…get dressed? For the love of all that is holy…” 

He stood up, laughing to himself at your expense. He tossed back the rest of his seltzer, and came over to you, kissing your forehead before disappearing toward the dressing room. 

“God, I love getting on your nerves. Time me!” Sam spat from behind the curtain. You couldn’t help but giggle. 

He returned within 30 seconds, failing to beat his own time. Josh had taken this time to pour up their shots, a perfect line of 5 tiny plastic cups overflowing with a cold, clear liquid. 

‘Ten minutes, ten minutes to stage.’ Your radio beeped. You watched as Josh passed out the shots to everyone, this time toasting to the new city and the new fans it would bring them. You tossed back the liquor, and stepped away to watch them huddle close together, speaking quietly to one another before pressing their heads in close. Yeah, it’ll never get old. 

You took in the sight of their outfits, each adorned in something new. You began making a habit out of checking them out before you allowed them to walk out the door, which actually was a good thing, given at least one of them always had something in disarray. 

Danny and Sam gained your approval unscathed, both itching to get out the door for one last drink. 

Josh’s golden jumpsuit was perfect...the green vines and white flower appliques were gorgeous, and looked even better up close. It had tiny rhinestones throughout, and they caught the light with every move he made. He spun and play-curtsied to you when you gave him the go ahead. 

Jake. He walked toward you, holding his arms out to the sides and grinning from ear to ear. “What do you think, love? Will these rags do?” He said in his pirate accent. He’d been drinking whiskey, you could tell. You felt no shame as you raked your eyes from top to bottom, his suit complementary to the colors of Josh’s. Olive green, embellished with white embroidered moths and golden swirls. This might be your absolute favorite outfit yet. 

“You look…” you opened your mouth to finish the sentence, but nothing came out. 

“Ahh, don’t tell me I’ve rendered you speechless, eh love? I haven’t been able to do that in…many years...” he said, bringing his face closer to yours. 

He was so close, that you could feel his whiskey drenched breath on your cheek. Suddenly he had his hand tucked under your coat, resting on your side. He slowly brushed his thumb across your ribs, almost as if he knew exactly where he was going. As he gently grazed the tiny cluster of stars, you knew your suspicion was right. 

“Do you...remember those times? When you...forgot how to speak?” he whispered.

Mother fucker. What the hell was he on tonight? Your face went flush as you tried to bring yourself back to the here and now. 

“I’m not speechless, I’m just…that suit is really gorgeous, Jake.” You finally stammered out. What you really wanted to say was that he was the most beautiful thing you’d ever laid your eyes on, and you weren’t sure how you were going to survive watching him play tonight. In that. 

Your eyes traveled to his necklace resting between his pecs, and seeing his chest this closely again brought back a quick flash of a memory. From last night, when you were too intoxicated to remember hardly anything.

Jake, lying on your bed, with your hand on his bare chest, fingertips grazing along his skin and his lips, tracing his features…and he was, humming?

“Y/N, you ok? You look…deep in thought..” Jake said, snapping you away from the fuzzy memory. 

“Umm, yeah. Yes I’m good.” You replied too quickly. 

You noticed his sleeve was flipped and cuffed at the bottom. Always at least one thing wrong. You reached and grabbed his hand, pulling it up and in between you. His hand was clammy, probably his nerves and adrenaline setting in. But still, the touch of his hand on yours was enough to burn a hole right through your palm. You flipped the cuff, and released his hand to fall. 

He smiled, bringing his hand up to your face to brush a tiny hair from your eyes. “I like it better when you don’t let go of my hand when you reach for it. Feels better there.” 

You gave him a shy smile, unable to disagree. “Probably doesn’t feel as good as your guitar is about to feel in it, though...” You replied, recoiling slightly from his unexpected words. 

He began to hop down the steps, turning back to you. “Nothing feels as good as your hand in mine, darlin’.” He sauntered through the area, leaving you standing in the doorway. He had, indeed, rendered you speechless. 

“Oh!” He turned back around. “You going to be side stage tonight?” He yelled at you from across the lot. 

“Of course!” You waved at him with one finger. “Good luck!” 

He answered you with a one-finger wave back before he disappeared in a rush toward the stage. 

A free feeling suddenly overtook you, the show was starting in less than a minute, your mind should be traveling a million miles a minute right now with work related tasks. But it wasn’t. 

All you could think about was the fact that Jake Kiszka wanted to hold your hand. 

—-

Side stage was a bit crowded with equipment and crew, the stage being a bit smaller compared to the last one. But you didn’t let it stop you from standing behind a case, leaning into it lightly so as not to roll it away. 

The show began just like the others, a pit full of fans screaming and celebrating their time together with their favorite musicians. You kept the setlist in your hand, following along and trying to take in every single little detail that you could commit to memory. You were beginning to get the hang of the songs, and had gotten very good at recognizing them quickly. Of course, their albums were all you’d been listening to for the past few weeks. It had begun to hurt a little less, hearing the recorded versions of the songs, and then watching them play them live. There still were a couple songs, though, you couldn’t quite listen to so easily. 

You watched as Sam worked his side of the crowd, flirting and drinking his little drinks. They absolutely fawned over him as they waved, and he waved back. 

Josh worked the middle like there was nothing to it, being his hilarious and animated self. Danny was so sure of himself, so focused. He never missed a beat, literally, and you found yourself really studying how hard he worked to keep everyone in time so well. 

The fans on Jake’s side seemed to crowd in closer, many of them looking like they were on top of one another. His side of the crowd seemed to move a lot, their hands hardly ever leaving the air. Their faces dropped in awe watching him play. How could you blame them? 

The show was going on great, you only checked your phone for texts a couple of times, and everything was moving along smoothly through the first hour or so. As you watched Jake go insane on his guitar, you thought back to what had just happened in the trailer with him…his whiskey-soaked breath on your skin, his hand burning into your side, the suggestive words he spoke…

You couldn’t help but to flash back to those times when you truly were speechless, tangled up in his sheets, reliving the same body-shattering feeling again and again as often as your bodies would allow. The two of you would disappear for hours on end, both of your phones blowing up with his brothers searching for you. But you couldn’t care less. You were so soaked into each other that you’d go hours without speaking…no words uttered except the sound of him talking you through it, encouraging your every move and letting you know how good you made him feel...how beautiful you looked...and after each and every time, no words were ever able to find your lips. 

You were brought out of your daydream by the sounds of familiar chords. In the middle of your trip down memory lane, Jake had somehow switched to his acoustic. The crowd went insane, cheering louder than they had the whole show. You looked out to them, seeing their faces wild with disbelief. 

You glanced at Josh, who happened to be making sweet eye contact with you, giving you a quick smirk that made you more confused than anything. You continued to listen, the tune sounding more and more familiar as Danny and Sam came in. 

Oh…my god…

There’s no way…

You looked to Jake, who had now turned his head toward you, smiling the same smile he’d given Josh earlier while you sat in the grass. You shook your head in disbelief, confusion written all over your face. 

‘Babe…ain’t no denyin’…’

There is no way. Are they really playing this right now? 

You glanced down to your setlist, not seeing this song on there. You looked back up to the rest of the band, all of them wearing the same facial expression, a smirk that they just couldn’t hide. Your mouth fell open on its own at the realization. 

‘….if you stood yourself and said…’

You watched as Jake carried his guitar over to Josh, singing the lyrics along with him. He brought his eyes to yours between the words, sending you shy grins throughout. 

You felt your guts fall to a million pieces. Tears welled up in your eyes as you processed what was happening. Why are they playing this right now? They haven’t played it in ages.

Jake met your eyes again as he strummed along, looking as beautiful and confident as ever while you stood to the side and fell apart. You had to physically hold on to the case you were standing beside; you felt like the weight of the world might come crashing down around you. 

The memories, the guilt, the pain and sadness and all the happy times rolled into one. There was only one song more important to you than this one...but this one held one heck of a special place. The song he wrote for you years ago. You left before you ever got to hear it fully. They told you it was his siren song to try and find you again night after night…and here it was. Being played while you stood 20 feet away. 

You rushed off stage as the song came to a close. You ran to the bathroom, tears flowing from your eyes, needing a second to collect yourself. What did this mean? Why now? You heard the crowd erupt again as they ended the song, and began the next. He just made that happen for you, and now he’s simply going on with the show while you’re here in the bathroom. He was so much stronger than you could even think about being right now. 

—

JAKE POV

Where did she go? Why was she upset? 

The show wrapped up without any mishaps, and you waved to the fans and threw out your spare picks to the crowd. You tore off across the stage, pulling your guitar over your head and handing it off to your tech. 

Was she crying? 

You paced the makeshift hallways backstage, eyes searching for her in the dark corridors. Suddenly you were stopped by someone, running into them with a thud. 

“Oh my god, sorry Jake! I couldn’t see you...It’s really dark back here.”

Summer. 

“Oh it’s no problem, sorry.” You responded, trying to continue your search. You placed your hand on her arm, moving around her in the narrow hallway. 

“You guys sounded great tonight...” she pressed, grabbing your hand and holding it tightly, essentially pulling you back toward her. You tried to free your hand, but she had a tight grasp. 

“Ah, thanks. Appreciate it. Hey, have you seen Y/N anywhere?” You ask, trying your best to be anywhere but here with her. 

“Uhhh, no I haven’t seen her since before the show. Is there something I can help you with?” She asked, her voice dripping with lust, completely out of context. She still had a tight grip on your hand. 

“No, just her. I need to find her. Can you...let go of my hand, please?” You felt yourself becoming defensive. She obliged, letting your hand go, but not before she pulled herself closer into you, her hands wrapped around your waist. Her hands began to grip your sides, making you feel extremely uncomfortable. 

“I know you still want me, Jake. I knew it the night you invited me to your room. You felt it, too, didn’t you?” She spoke over the still existing lull of the crowd. “I could tell by the way you touched me…the way you kissed me...”

Okay. That’s enough. 

You pulled her hands off of you, pressing them back to her sides with force. 

“Summer, please. Stop it. You need to act professional right now. You are at work. I’m sorry, but I don’t want you. Please, stop doing this. Do you understand me?” You were spitting fire toward her, feeling unease like you never had before. 

She backed away into the shadows, nodding her head with a devious smile. “Sure, ok.” And that was all she said before making her way back to the stage. Thank god. 

You turned the last corner before the dressing rooms, still searching and there she was, right on the other side of the thin wall. 

“Hey, there you are. Why did you run off? Why are you crying?” You walked closer to her, wanting so badly to embrace her and wipe her tears away. But she backed off as soon as you advanced, holding her hands up to guard herself. 

“What’s wrong? Talk to me, Y/N...” you pleaded, hating the distance she was actively putting between you. 

“I– I don’t know, Jake. I’m just…really umm…” she shook her head and wiped the tears that were steadily falling. She huffed a breath. “Why did you play that song? Why tonight? It wasn’t on the set list…” 

You stopped for a second, trying to find the words you were unprepared to speak. “Because, Y/N, it’s still true and I couldn’t go another day without you knowing. I don’t know…I don’t know how else to tell you...” 

“What do you mean it’s still true, Jake? I heard what Summer said just now. She was in your room…you did hook up with her.” she was trying her best to back away from you, pulling herself away toward the dressing room. 

“Wait, baby please, just let me talk to you...” you pleaded, reaching for her hand and pulling her back. 

She quickly pulled her hand from yours, just as you had done with Summer’s moments ago. 

“Don’t…call me that Jake! Please…I–I’m not your baby.” She stood, face blank and upset, staring at you for some type of explanation. 

Here came Josh, rounding the corner still on his high. “Hey, guys! Excellent show, hmm Y/N?” He threw her a wink, not knowing that the added song had absolutely destroyed her. 

You felt like every cell in your body evaporated, tears threatening your own eyes seeing her cry and pull away from you. Again. You weren’t going to let this happen. 

“Hey! Y/N! Come back here, right now. Please. Just fucking listen to me!” You stood in your place, pointing to the ground. The way she never let you explain yourself was starting to get to you, so you let yourself be a little bit stern. “Damnit, just let me talk!” 

She crossed her arms, moving back to you in the corner of the hall, and raising her tear-soaked face to listen. 

Okay. 

“Did you not hear what I said to her just now? I told her I didn’t want her. I am over here searching for you. Not her. Yes I invited her to my room that night, but only because we were both drunk at the hotel bar, and she spilled her drink all over herself. I didn’t want people or the rest of the crew to see her a mess and embarrass herself on a professional level, so we went upstairs and I got her a shirt to change into.” you pause.

“She came back out, and things got a little heavy. We made out a little bit. That’s all, Y/N. I swear to you. You texted me right in the middle of everything, and it set off an alarm in my head. I knew I had messed up, I didn’t want her. I was just…drunk and… I don’t know. I don’t really have any excuses. But I did not sleep with her. We did not hook up. And now, she’s doing, well… You saw. I’m trying my best to make it known that I never want that to happen with her again. That it was a mistake. That she and I are strictly professional, nothing else.” 

You sighed hard after your explanation, feeling good about everything you’d been harboring for a while, and that she finally let you speak. Now it was her turn. 

“I’m sorry Jake. I’m so overwhelmed...I just– I feel so confused. Everything is moving so fast. You played that song tonight…my song, even though things have been so rocky between us lately... Then there is the thing with Sam…and now I feel so guilty about it. How I treated you, what we’ve put you through. You didn’t deserve that, Jake! You’ve been so steadfast. And I’m just making everything more complicated. I hate myself for it.” She relented, looking absolutely exhausted. 

“Don’t ever say that you hate yourself, Y/N. There’s absolutely no reason for that.” you replied. 

“But I do, I’ve fucked up more times than I can count. You don’t deserve that! I’m just feeling so…out of control. I’m sorry.” 

Suddenly her radio beeped, signaling her to come to the stage.

She sighed as she looked up to you, “I’ve gotta go.” 

She paced a few steps, wiping her face and slapping her cheeks, before turning around to you again. “I never thought I’d hear you play that song live.” 

And she was gone…disappearing into the darkness again. 

—

You returned to the hotel, everyone piling out of the vans and toward the main doors, all in search of a drink and some sustenance. You wracked your brain, reeling over what happened with Y/N backstage. She truly must be going through it. She did say she was overwhelmed, maybe you should give her some space. She will come back to you, she knows where to find you. And you weren’t giving up again. Playing the song tonight proved that to her.

You retreated to your room, feeling tired but hopeful. The show was excellent tonight. You decided a night in with some room service was just the ticket. 

HER POV

You plopped down on the big comfy white comforter that laid across the bed of the hotel room, letting the effects of the rush of the evening settle in.

Another show night with no hiccups, killing it. 

Another night crying over Jake and your own feelings, not killing it. 

You rolled over, putting your head in your hands, reiterating everything Jake had said about Summer earlier. You believed him, of course you did. But now you felt guilty, horrible even, for not letting him explain himself earlier. You were embarrassed...he’d insinuated that you never let him talk, and it was true. You based all your judgments on what you saw and heard, and not what the true story was. You were so mad at yourself. The guilt was still so heavy. 

You also hated that he felt like he had to explain his actions to you. He’s a grown man, with his own life, making his own decisions. He quite literally can sleep with whoever he wants, just as you slept with his brother, a lot, knowing all the while that he still loved you. 

You didn’t have regrets, you and Sam were just living your lives how they came at the time. But now, for some reason, it felt heavier than that. 

Jake’s words replayed in your mind.

‘It’s still true…’

Of course it was still true. It was true for the both of you. You grabbed your phone and texted Sam to see if he could talk. 

You

11:47pm: Hey, once you get settled in, down for some company? I may or may not drink a whole bottle of wine tonight.

Keys

11:49pm: Hey there. I’m actually not feeling the best tonight. I think I’m going to hit the sack early. 

You

11:50pm: Aw ok, do you need anything? 

Keys

11:51pm: No no, I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow

You

11:51pm: Night! 

You knew this was out of character for Sam, especially since he acted completely fine loading up the vans. 

You flipped through the channels on the TV, trying to distract yourself from the inner monologue taking up space in your mind. 

“Ughhh…” you rolled over again to your back, really realizing you did need a drink. 

You hopped up and changed into something comfy and casual, grabbed your purse and a room key, and headed down to the hotel bar. You felt like a few glasses of wine by yourself might be exactly what you needed. 

You entered the double doors, finding Danny’s curly locks sat at the bar, mindlessly watching a baseball game. You took the seat next to him. 

“Hey there, come here often?” You offered, breaking him from his gaze and making him laugh when he realized it was you. 

“Hey girl, what are you doing here?” He said, helping you pull the heavy chair up to the bar with ease. 

“Oh, just figured I’d come sit under some neon. Maybe order some greasy cheese fries and down a bottle of wine. The usual.” You grinned, grabbing the drink menu. 

The bartender came and took your order, and a refill for Danny. 

“You guys sounded phenomenal tonight. Seriously. It’s like each show gets better.” You said, sincerity in your voice. 

“Thank you, that really means a lot.” He held his hand to his belly, just like he always did when he needed grounding. “We try.”

You smiled, taking a large sip of the sweet white moscato you’d opted for. 

“That was quite the little stunt you guys pulled with adding the extra song in, though.” You said quietly, leaning into him. 

“Hey, don’t blame me. That was all Jake’s idea. But, you probably knew that.” He was beaming. 

You sighed. “Yeah, I knew that. I ended up a pile of emotions over it, too. I had to run away to the bathroom before I had a full-on breakdown.” You always felt like you could tell Danny exactly what was on your mind. Even since you were kids. 

“I noticed you ran away. I get it, though. That was a big step for Jake.” He said. 

You milled over his words. A big step. Here came the guilt again. 

“He was super adamant about getting it on the setlist at the last minute.” Danny looked away from the TV and down to meet your eyes. “I’m not gonna lie, I’d almost forgotten how to play it.”

“Why did he do that, Danny?” You asked, already knowing the answer, but needing to hear it anyway. 

Danny let out a big breath of air from his mouth. “You know how Jake is...he’s not the best with words. I think he wanted to communicate with you the best way he knew how. To play it for you. In front of thousands of people. He doesn’t normally do these things, ya know.”

You felt your heart stop beating. 

“He’s really trying to prove it to you, Y/N. And if him playing that song for you after us not having played it in forever doesn’t prove anything to you, I don’t know what will.” he stated.

You felt the blood rush to your head, realizing that Jake must have confided in Danny a good bit. 

“And I know you’re going to say ‘What about Summer’. Well, I was at the bar with them that night...Jake was already obliterated when he got there. He was in no shape to be having any more. But he did anyway. I’m not defending his actions, but… I know nothing serious happened with them. He probably hardly remembered where his own room was. He wouldn’t do that to you, Y/N. And I know he didn’t.” 

You believed Danny. He had no reason to lie or cover for his friend. 

You say for a few moments letting it sink in. 

“Thanks, Danny. Really. You always make me feel better.” You leaned your head on his shoulder as the bartender brought your food and another round. 

“Share with me?” You asked as the two of you dug in. 

“I guess he…talked to you a little bit then?” You pressed. 

He nodded, spinning his barstool around in little half-circles. “Yeah, he told me a good bit about everything. While you were gone on your trip, mostly. He told me about what happened with Summer and how awful he felt. He was seriously so mad at himself for even putting himself in that situation. Kept saying how much of a mistake he made just being there with her.”

You nodded in understanding. “I have just been feeling so whacked out lately. The guilt is eating me alive, just with Sam and everything. I feel so..conflicted..and I don’t know why. Everything is staring me in the face, isn’t it? I’m being crazy?”

He chuckled. “Mmm..yeah, maybe a little crazy. But. That’s what being in love does to a person.” You felt your insides warm up at his sentiment. 

“He’s not gonna let up, Y/N. I hope you know that. He really meant what he said when he wrote that song.”

—

After one more drink and too many cheese fries, you retreated back to your room, feeling especially exhausted and needing some sleep before tomorrow. You grabbed your phone to set your alarm and check your emails one last time. 

Your finger hovered over the messages button before you clicked it, bringing up your thread with Jake. 

You

1:05am: Thank you for playing that song tonight. It meant way more than you know. I’m so sorry I blew up earlier. See you bright and early…

Jake

1:07am: I’ll play it everyday until you believe it.

You closed out the app, switched off the lamp, and fell into a deep slumber dreaming of dancing in the dark with Jake to a song written just for you. 

NIGHT TWO

JAKE POV

Your eyes open, the light pouring in from the crack in the curtain causes you to squint. Your body is tired, and your hand is stiff. It usually is after a show. That you could always count on. You rolled over seeing the clock read 8:13 am. Not too bad. You’re getting better at this whole waking up early thing. 

You grab your phone from the night stand, swiping away the notifications littering the screen, as you roll from the bed and make your way to the bathroom. You turn on your favorite playlist as you brush your teeth, and after a quick shower you emerge feeling fresh and ready for another long day.

You run your fingers through your hair, brushing out the tangles and letting it dry with its natural wave. You make your way to your suitcase, pulling out a pair of navy color boxers and sliding them over your legs. You continued to dig through your suitcase, starting to pull out clothes as you heard a knock at your door. You knew it was her. You could feel your body pulling you towards her even from behind the door. 

You made your way to the door, twisting the lever and opening it up. God she is stunning. 

“You know what? I’m impressed, two days in a row that I don’t have to drag you out of the bed?” she laughs.

I’d rather you drag me into it.

“I told you, I’m a morning person now. Officially.” you said, raising your eyebrow to her.

You motioned your head to invite her inside, opening the door fully, revealing your unclothed state. 

“Jake!” she said, turning her head away, covering her eyes. She steps in, door latching behind her.

“Don’t get shy on me now. You’ve seen me in less than this…” you taunt.

“Jacob!” she yells.

“What, you know it’s true. There’s nothing to hide. Plus, I need your help.” you say, walking towards your suitcase.

She plants herself on the end of your bed, resting back onto her hands, tossing you an intrigued expression.

“I don’t know what to wear today. I know we have interviews this morning…” you say digging through your suitcase.

“Okay, first, jeans or these pants?” you ask, holding up both.

“Mmm, the pants.” she answers. You slide the pants over your legs, fastening the button before turning back to the suitcase.

You grab two shirts, holding them up to let her see them, “Okay, now, this one? Or….” you switch to the other shirt, “...this one?” you ask, holding them both up now.

“Jake, it doesn’t matter, you look good in anything you wear.” she says, standing up, and walking over to the dresser. She looks through your selection of sunglasses, picking a pair and turning back to face you, “The blue one…with these.” she says holding them out to you.

You slide the shirt over your head, fastening the buttons just enough that it doesn't fall off of you, before reaching to grab the sunglasses from her hand. You slide them into the pocket of your shirt as you step closer to meet her. Your eyes travel down to the gold necklace around her neck. You notice the chain is twisted, exposing the tiny clasp, and without thinking, you bring your hands up to twist it back into the correct place, letting your fingers glide over her collarbones. “But you know your opinion matters the most…” you reply, flicking your eyes up to hers as you remove your hands from her skin. 

You look at the necklace hanging perfectly against her, storing the image away in the back of your mind. “You ready to go?” you ask.

“Are you?” she replies, watching you slide on your shoes.

You toss her a quick smile as you walk over to the dresser grabbing your phone and wallet, shoving them both in your pocket. She walks over to the door, and you make a pit stop in the bathroom, spraying yourself with cologne, before stepping back out to meet her at the door.

As she walks over the threshold she turns to you, “You smell…good.”

You close the hotel room door behind yourself, smirking as you test the lock. “Yeah? It’s still kinda new. Seeing if I like this one.” you answer, walking next to her as you make your way to the elevators. 

“I… think you like it.” she says in a flirty tone, sending you a soft playful smile.

Oh.

You turn to her, and raise your eyebrows, “I think you like it.” you laugh.

“And if I do?” she says, stepping in through the elevator doors.

You step in in front of her, pressing the button for the lobby, before moving to stand at her side. You pull your sunglasses from your pocket, and slide them on your face as you look at her, “Then that’s good enough for me.”

—

Arriving at the venue you head first to check in with your tech, finding him setting the tuning on the acoustic for tonight's show. 

“Hey man, I’m gonna need number 1 in about an hour.” you say, flashing him a thumbs up as you start to walk away.

He nods and continues working as you make your way to the green room to meet up with everyone else. You step in to see Y/N, running over the schedule with Sam, Josh and Daniel making drinks and Summer, working on her computer. You meet Josh and Daniel near the makeshift bar area, and take a look to see what the selections are. 

“Anything good?” you ask.

“Ehh, same old same old.” Daniel answers. 

You grab one of the beers sitting on ice, and pop the tab turning back towards the couch. Summer sees you sit down and turns her attention to you.

“Jake, let’s film a tik tok or something…” she asks.

You turn to face her, “Mmmmmmmm…pass. Not my thing.” you answer.

“Come on, people want to see you, it’s literally every single comment.” she presses.

“Give them Sam, he’s close enough, and he loves to be the center of attention…” you say, before raising your voice loud enough so he could hear you, “Don’t you Sammy?”

“Huh?” he snaps towards you.

“Summer wants you to go film a tik tok with her.” you say gesturing towards her.

“Ohhh! Actually I have a good idea. Hey Daniel…” he yells, trailing off in his own thoughts. You laugh to yourself, as you successfully evade yet another tik tok attempt. 

Summer gets up and walks over to meet Sam and Daniel, walking with them as they step outside, leaving you, Josh and Y/N alone in the room.

Josh finishes making his drink and walks over to you, sipping the drink as he raises his eyebrows to you. You know what he’s asking. You shrug your shoulders and toss him a smirk. He nods and pulls the glass from his lips. “I’m gonna go check with Jenn, about something, I’ll be right back.” he says, making strides towards the door. 

You scoff, knowing he was up to his usual scheming. He had been all weekend. You knew he was supposed to be next to you on that plane yesterday. You even watched as he sweet talked the ticket agent, not fully realizing what he was doing at the time. But it suddenly became clear as you spotted your seat on the plane. You needed to remember to thank him for that. 

As the door shut behind him you saw Y/N’s head snap at the sound. Her eyes shifted to you, and she set her iPad down, to join you on the couch. 

“You have an interview soon.” she said, sitting down on the opposite side of the couch.

You checked the time on your phone, “Mmm in a little bit…”

“Does it ever get old, them asking you the same questions over and over?” she asks, pulling her phone from her pocket.

“Very. It’s been years, you would think they could come up with some original material by now.” you laugh. 

She smiles, “Well, luckily this one is about your guitars, so it shouldn’t be that bad.” she winks.

“Did you just wink at me?” you ask playfully, throwing a pillow at her. 

She picks it up and throws it back at you as she stands up, “Might have. What are you gonna do about it, Kiszka?” she says playfully, grabbing her iPad from the table. 

“Careful darlin’...would hate to have to show you.” you warn playfully. 

She makes her way to the door, opening it up before turning back to you, “Would you?” She smirks.

“Not in the slightest.” you answer.

She shakes her head and lets the door shut behind her. 

—

After an exhausting day of interviews it was finally time to do what you were here for. Grabbing the olive green suit from the rack you locked the door and stripped down. This suit was one of your favorites you designed. You had always wanted a green suit. The moths and moons were Josh’s idea and when you pitched the idea to the designer, she drew it up, and brought it to life. 

You slid the pants over your bare legs, fastening the clasp at your waist, and throwing the jacket over your shoulders. You took your necklace off, putting on the gold one the stylist picked for you. It was nice, but it wasn’t yours. It just didn’t carry that same familiar weight. You slid yours into your coat pocket, for safekeeping. 

Taking a look at yourself in the mirror, you smiled. It was a shame that tonight would be the last time you wear this. Looking again, you rolled the hem of your pants just enough to look out of place, silently smiling to yourself.

You throw back the rest of your whiskey, setting the empty glass on the counter just before opening the door to meet the guys. 

Stepping into the room with the rest of them, you see everyone dressed and ready to go, with only ten minutes until stage. You all take your pre show shots, and huddle up for your pep talk. You’ve never skipped it. Not once since the band came together. It quickly became a ritual, and something you all looked forward to each night. Almost like a promise of a good show.

As you began to make your way out the door one by one, you waited to be the last one, reveling in those few minutes alone with her, aching to feel her touch as she fixed your outfit. Was it crazy to purposely mess up your outfit each night just so that she would fix it? Probably. But you weren’t going to stop if it meant even a minute alone with her. 

You stepped up, waiting to see how long it would take her to find it. You wondered if she knew you were doing it on purpose, or if she really thought you were that unobservant. Her eyes flashed to yours as she looked you over, and then she saw it. 

Sinking down slowly in front of you, she dragged her fingertips down your stomach, the breath suddenly absent from your lungs. Her eyes never left yours as she uncuffed the hem of your pants, smoothing her hand down your leg before standing back up to tug at your lapels. 

“You’re going to have to start getting more creative, Jacob. Two can play this game.” 

“Oh trust me, I’m only thinking of the ways I can see you like that again.” you say, stepping out and down the steps, tossing her a smug grin over your shoulder. 

But then you stop, turning to face her as she’s hot on your heels, stopping abruptly as she collides with you. You reached into your coat pocket, pulling out the silver necklace, “Hold on to this for me?” you ask, placing it around her neck, watching as it slipped through the neck of her shirt, falling right down the center of her chest.

Fuck.

You send her a wink, and turn to head towards the stage before she can respond. Trying to conceal the boner threatening to pop, you push her from your mind and focus on the set. You grab your guitar from your tech and wait on the steps for your cue. 

“You look flushed, Jacob.” Josh grins. 

“Whiskey.” you reply through clenched teeth. 

“I’m sure…” he says with a shake of his head. He pushes his monitors into his ears, prompting you to do the same just as you step on to the stage. The crowd is just as large as the previous night, even a few familiar faces in the crowd. 

Situating your guitar on your hips you plug into your pick up and grab a pick from the amp. The crowd is so loud you can hear the muffled screams through the noise canceling feature of your in-ear. 

Josh begins to talk to the crowd as you make your way to your pedal board, ready to go at his signal. You turn to look at Sam and Danny who are waiting for yours. With a quick look from Josh, you stomp the talk back pedal and look at Daniel. 

The amps roar to life with the music being pumped through them, the vibrations filling your entire body. No feeling like it.

Josh began to sing as you played along to what was one of your favorite songs on the album. You loved watching the fans as they sang the words along with him. But what you loved even more was when you would make eye contact with one of them, and they would lose their mind. It was funny every time. 

You played well tonight, hitting every note clearly and with intention. You played through the first part of the set with ease, knowing it was only a matter of time until you would get your second chance to play to her. For her. 

Glancing over to the side stage you made eye contact with your tech who motioned to you that the switch was next. When the song ended, he ran out with the acoustic and a stool, taking the electric for a quick tune up. 

Plugging in, you situate yourself on the stool, and look over to Josh as you begin to strum out the chords. You look out to the crowd to watch them all realize what you’re playing, and scream with excitement. Rightfully so. 

Listening to Josh sing out the words of feelings long ago, you look to the side stage, hoping for that special moment with her again, but to your surprise she isn’t there. You pull the pick from between your lips, as he reaches the chorus, and with another glance you still don’t see her. 

Where are you?

You scan the crowd, and soundbooth, but still nothing. As the song draws to a close you strum out the final notes, and pray that wherever she was she heard them.

The rest of the set is electric, the crowd absolutely buzzing with excitement. Josh was having one of his best nights vocally, that he had in a while. Everything was going well until the end of When The Curtain Falls, when Sam's bass line dropped out of nowhere. Panic shot across his face as he checked his knobs and fiddled with his pick up. 

With no luck, he looked over to you, as an ‘SOS’ and you tried to distract from the malfunction with an extended solo. You’re sure no one really noticed but the look on Sam’s face was lethal. You watched as his tech ran on stage and grabbed the bass, leaving him to play his bass keys. 

At the very end of the song, the tech ran back out with his bass, and he took back control of his bass line. You knew he hated when things like this would happen, and you were thankful there were only two songs left on the setlist. 

Luckily there were no more problems after that, ending the second night in Bridgeport on a high note. You never wanted to leave the crowd when they were like this. Begging you to stay and play just one more. You wished you could stay, but there always had to come a farewell.

You rushed off the stage, handing your guitar to your tech and running down the stairs. There was a whole sea of people backstage, and you couldn’t see her anywhere. Who are all these fucking people?

Crossing the back of the stage area you see her. Finally. But the conversation she’s having doesn’t look to be a pleasant one. It’s her, Sam and his tech and likely discussing the issue that came about during the set. Sam is talking with his hands, which usually means he is pissed, and you knew now would not be a good time to interject. 

You made your way back to the dressing room, pulling the door open to find Josh and Daniel, already pouring a drink.

“Make it a double.” you laugh.

“Sam pissed?” Daniel asks.

“Definitely, just saw him and Y/N having a chat with Phil. Didn’t look like they were discussing the weather.” you joke.

Josh walks over to you and hands you the drink he’s made you, “Sounded good tonight brother. Had a little pep in your step.” he smiles.

“You know, I was thinking you sounded good tonight too.” you reply.

He breathes in deeply, “Ahhh, something about the salt air…” he says trailing off.

“Okay, if you two are done stroking each other's egos, I think I’m gonna change.” Daniel says.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did we leave you out? You sounded perfect as usual tonight Danny.” you say sarcastically.

“Don’t patronize me asshole, you should be thanking me.” he offers, pulling his shirt over his head, and hanging it on the hanger.

“What?” you ask.

“Nothing, nevermind. Go ahead with your ego stroking.” he laughs. 

Hmm. You needed to ask him about that later. 

Seconds later Sam is bursting into the room, a scowl on his face as he throws himself into a chair. 

“Drink?” Daniel asks him.

“How many do we have? Give me all of them!” he snaps.

Daniel tosses him a drink, hearing the lid pop open as he chugs it down.

“What happened?” you asked. 

“Phil said he didn’t know, that it was an anomaly. Everything was working fine. Said maybe there was a kink in the line… Either way, it was bullshit.” he snapped.

“It’s all good man, I don’t think anyone noticed.” you say.

“No. People noticed.” he seethes.

Y/N comes walking through the door seconds later, collecting up items to return to their cases. 

“You know the drill, suits on hangers in the case outside the door. Van will be here in a few, and you’re free to go.” she says, looking around the room.

Everyone tosses her their best acknowledgement, and she turns to walk back out the door. You have half a mind to follow her, but you let her go. You know how much needs to get done before she can enjoy the rest of her night. 

—

After you’re all changed, and the cases are packed you all begin to make your way to the van, walking and talking about the next show next week. Walking across the lot you see Sam step off and answer a phone call. You can hear him trying to talk quietly, but due to his genetics he fails miserably.

As your bags are being loaded into the van you watch as he dials a number making another phone call. He steps behind a tree, leaning into it as he spoke. You couldn’t exactly make out what he was saying but the words, ‘guest’ and ‘Chicago’ were definitely in there somewhere. 

You climbed into the van, leaving empty seats next to you, and pulled your phone from your pocket. When the van was loaded and Y/N wasn’t on it, you decided to send her a text.

You

11:20pm: You coming?

LD: 

11:23pm: No, still wrapping up. Don’t wait on me. I can grab an Uber.

You:

11:24pm: Don’t walk alone. Call me if you need to. I’m serious.

With that the van was pulling away and heading towards the hotel. Part of you wanted to stay. Make sure she got back okay. But it was too late. 

“You guys wanna grab a drink at the bar when we get back?” Daniel asks.

“No, I think I’m going to bed.” Sam answers. 

Bizarre, when has Sam turned down a nightcap? 

“I could do one, then I think I’m gonna hit the sack myself. It’s been a long fucking day.” you answer.

“One. We leave early in the morning.” Josh says.

“Alright. It’s settled.” Daniel agrees. 

—

As you arrived back at the hotel, each of you made your way inside, dropping your bags in your rooms and agreeing to meet down at the bar. Sam stayed true to his word, retiring to his room for the night, and you really began to question if something was wrong with him. 

After a drink at the bar, you all parted ways, returning to your rooms for the night. You checked your phone, but the screen was blank. Damn it’s almost midnight, where is she?

Maybe she was already back. Maybe she didn’t want to call you.

You began to strip down, tossing your clothes into your suitcase as you made your way to the shower. You turned the knob waiting for the water to get hot as you started to pack away your toiletries. 

As you stepped into the steaming hot water you let it relax your tired muscles, again paying attention to the ache setting into your hand, your little daily reminder. You washed away the night, and were ready to sleep off the whiskey swirling through your system. 

You step out of the shower, quickly running the towel over your hair and skin to dry the water dripping down your body. You wrap the towel around your waist until it sits tightly around you, as you brush your fingers through your hair. 

Walking back into the bedroom you approach your suitcase and as you begin to sift through for something clean you hear a knock at the door.

You turn to look towards it, lifting your attention from the suitcase. You situate the towel around your waist as you walk towards the door, wondering which one of the guys it was, and what they wanted.

Twisting the lock on the door you turn the lever, revealing not one of the guys at all. It was her.

You held the door open in surprise, staring at her as she spoke, “Seems I have something that belongs to you.” she smiles.

You furrow your brow, as you motion her inside, letting the door shut behind her. 

“If this is a bad time I can go. I just wanted to give you this.” she says, lifting your necklace over her head. 

“No!” you say, far too quickly. “I mean, it’s not a bad time, I was just getting out of the shower.” you say.

You grab the necklace from her fingers, pulling it over your head, still warm from resting on her skin. The familiar weight, comforting on your neck.

“Thank you…for bringing it back, I know it's late. You could have just given it to me in the morning.” you offer.

“I could have…but.” she shrugged.

You pulled a pair of sweats from your suitcase, stepping into the bathroom, and pulling them on. You returned quickly and positioned yourself at the head of the bed, leaning into the pillows.

“If you’re tired I can let you go to sleep…” she trails off, looking at the floor.

“Hey…” you say, causing her eyes to meet yours. “Come sit.”

She bites her lip and walks to the other side of the bed, placing herself next to you. She lets out a sigh as she rests her back into the pillows.

“You okay? You seem like the one that needs to sleep.” you smirk.

“I’m okay, it’s just been a long day.” she answers. It's quiet for a moment as you watch her eyes flutter closed.

She turns her head to face you, “Jake?” she asks.

You look back at her, “Hmm?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you about Summer.” she says quietly.

You nod your head, accepting her apology, “You know I would never do anything to hurt you right?” you ask.

She blinked slowly a few times, you could tell she was replaying the memory in her head.

“I was scared Jake…I didn’t know how to feel. I thought…” she trailed off, trying to find the words. 

“How could you ever think that anyone would compare to you?” you say.

It’s quiet for a few seconds before she turns to look at you again, “When did you write that song?” she asks.

Your breath catches in your throat as you think back to that memory, stored away in the deepest depths of your brain. You clear your throat and wet your lips as you try to find the words. “Well…” you sigh, “...I wrote that song about three days before you left me. I couldn’t wait to get back and play it for you. I never got to…”

She fidgets with the skin around her fingers as she takes in what you’re saying, staying completely silent. 

“I know…” she whispers, finally. 

“It kind of took on a new meaning after everything…but somehow the words were still...fitting. Like it knew its fate before I did.” you add. “I sang it with Josh at every show.”

“And it’s…still true?” she asks.

You turn your body to face her, “Y/N, it’s more true now than it was even then.”

Her hand reaches for yours, her fingertips grazing your skin as her eyes lock with yours. You grab her hand, lacing her fingers together with yours, that same electric feeling traveling through you, like it always has. 

“It will never not be true.” you whisper. 

“I believe you…” she says, moving towards you in what feels like slow motion, her hand resting into your cheek as she presses her lips to yours. Her lips feel exactly like you remember, warm and soft and just like home.

You released her hand from yours, bringing both of your hands to her face, letting your fingers wind into her hair at her temples. You pulled her towards you, as your lips parted, her eyes flashing open to look into yours. You never thought you’d get to see her like this again. So close, you could see your own eyes reflecting into hers. 

She leans forward pressing her lips to yours again, causing a euphoric explosion of passion to bloom within your chest. She wants you. This was it. You had your girl back. Every second apart from her led to this moment with her now. It wasn’t easy, but goddamn it was worth it.

You slid your tongue across her bottom lip, begging for just a taste of the girl you loved. The girl you thought of day in and day out for years. The one you wrote about. The one you sang about. To finally have her again made you feel like maybe all of the suffering was worth it. 

Her lips parted and her tongue reached out for yours, the tangling of the two together dancing like a moth around a flame. But you were the moth, and she was the flame, and you’d burn for her everytime. 

As the kiss deepened, you rolled her to her back, holding your weight on your arms over her head as you kneeled over her. You pulled away from her, her lips pink and swollen, and her hair laying around her face like a shimmering halo. You took in the sight of her like this, after all these years, so different now, yet somehow you could still see underneath it all, the girl you knew back then. The one who loved you before all of this.

Her hand drifted up your bare torso, and circled around your neck, pulling you towards her, connecting your lips once more and in that moment, every ounce of exhaustion left your body. You would stay here, like this with her, until your body gave out. 

You kissed her, over and over, letting every pent up emotion spill out of you and onto her lips, hoping she could feel how much you loved her. As you pulled away from her once again, you stopped and looked into her eyes dark with want, as you prepared to bare your soul, “Y/N, I lo–” you started, but you were cut off by the sound of her cell phone ringing in her pocket. 

You saw the look on her face change, she sat up suddenly, looking around the room, pulling the phone from her pocket. She flashed the screen to you, and answered the call. As she spoke you gathered that someone in the crew had a problem with their flight, but as usual she handled it perfectly. You really were in awe of her. A few minutes later she hung up the call, and looked at you but her expression had changed. 

You reached your hand towards her face, desperate to touch her again, but her hand caught your wrist, stopping you before you made contact. Her eyes began to fill with tears and her lips started to tremble.

No.

“Jake…” she starts, in a tone all too familiar, chilling you to your core.

“No.” you beg, shaking your head,  “Don’t. Don’t say it Y/N.”

“Jake we can’t…” she says, voice cracking with emotion.

“No, no, no, no, no. We can. Baby, please we can.” you say, holding on to her as she sat in front of you. 

“You can’t call me baby, Jake. We can’t do this. This–This is the exact same thing that happened with Summer. The same thing you turned her down for. I work for you too…We…have to stay professional. This is my job…” she says through choked sobs, tears slipping from her eyes.

“No, this is–this is different! This has nothing to do with work or Summer or any of that. This is me and this is you. Us! Right here! Nothing else.” you say placing your hand around the back of her neck, cupping the side of her face. 

She leans into your hand, tears slipping faster from her eyes. “What about Sam?” she cries.

“Fuck Sam! Sam will understand! He has always known that this is how it would end for you two. Tell me you don’t feel this between us! Tell me you haven’t chased that feeling since the very first time we met! Or, tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop. I’ll leave you alone. You just have to tell me Y/N!” you press.

“I…I don’t know Jake!” she cries. “I want this job! I need this job! We can’t do this while I’m working for you! It makes me no better than Summer, and it makes you a hypocrite!” 

You pull away from her, standing up to pace the room before settling on the wall. “You don’t know?! I think you do know! Don’t tell me you don’t fucking want this. I know you do. You fucking told me Y/N! You don’t remember it but I’ll never forget it!” you yell pointing towards her. “You’re lying to yourself and it’s killing you. It's eating you alive! It’s killing me and it’s killing you.”

“What do you mean I told you?” she asks, standing up from the bed.

“Two nights ago. Do you remember asking me to stay with you after dinner? After I put you in bed? You wanted to hear me play for you? Wanted me to talk to you?” you ask.

She shakes her head, “I don’t. Not much, bits and pieces. I mean, maybe if I think really hard, it’s still so fuzzy Jake… I… don’t remember.”

You scoff, nodding your head, “Yeah. I know. But I fucking remember Y/N. I laid with you as you fell asleep next to me, telling me you loved me. You fucking told me Y/N!”

She pushes past you and walks towards the door, but you stop her, grabbing her waist and twisting her to face you. “I know you meant it. I know this is what you want. Why are you denying yourself Y/N?”

Her eyes are darting around the room, full of tears and refusing to look at you. You can see her battling herself.  

“Look at me.” you plead, but she doesn’t.

“Look at me Y/N!” you scream, lifting your hand, slamming it against the wall, with a loud smack, and as it collides with the sheetrock, you see her cower away from you.

Oh fuck. What have I done?

For someone you knew and loved so deeply, how quickly you had forgotten about her scars. The same ones that caused your own.

You release her immediately and step backwards shaking your head, “Baby…I’m…I’m so sorry. I would never–” you stop yourself, knowing you are only doing more harm. She does her best to control the sob wracking from her chest. Her face is filled with panic, your actions no doubt bringing her back to some of the worst days of her life. How could you?

Her eyes finally meet yours, and you hope she knows that you would never lay a finger on her. You pray she knows how much you love her. You reach your hand out to hers, a few silvery scars still visible on your palms. She blinks away the tears as she places her hand in yours, stepping closer to you. You intertwine your fingers with hers, taking a deep breath as you speak. 

“Y/N…It feels like I’m… drowning. No matter how hard I try to swim towards you, I just keep getting carried further down... All I want is to move forward but it seems like I’m fighting for this by myself. I’ve done nothing but chase you my whole life. You’re it for me, Y/N. You’re my end game. You always have been. But I can’t keep doing this by myself. I need you. I need your help. I’m drowning without you.” you plead. The memory of your dream just a few weeks ago, suddenly finding its meaning. 

She steps into your arms, wrapping herself around your neck. You feel her fingertips as they dig into your skin, holding you tightly to her as if it's the last time she’ll ever have the chance. You wrap your arms tightly around her, breathing her in the way you dreamt of everyday for years. Placing your hand on her head you wind your fingers into her hair, pull her face into your neck, and hold her there as she sobs.

“I’m sorry Jake…” she says, stepping away from you. Your face drops. 

She’s still leaving. It wasn’t enough. You aren’t enough.

As she turns to walk towards the door, you feel your heart plummet into your stomach at the thought of losing her again. She turns to look at you over her shoulder as the tears fall from her red swollen eyes. Twisting the lever on the door, she opens it and hesitates. You walk to meet her there, as she steps into the hallway. 

Through the lump in your throat you manage to speak, “How many times do I have to watch you leave me?”

Your words only make her tears fall harder. She sniffles as she walks down the hallway towards the elevator, and you watch her slip away through the doors. As your chest tightens you feel yourself slipping under the water, telling yourself that you might not make it to the surface this time. 

You realize then, that maybe it wasn’t a dream at all, maybe it was a warning.

—

HER POV

The walk down the hallway was a blur, searching for your room key was nearly impossible…each room and corridor you entered was spinning more quickly than the last. The fluorescent lights were radiating down so brightly that you had to shield your eyes from them. Your head was spinning, the dizziness making you feel physically ill. You were beginning to cry harder than you were in Jake’s room. 

Somehow, at last, you managed to unlock your room door and push yourself inside. Finally able to weep in peace, you fell to your knees on the floor, completely falling apart. The sobs escaping your chest were loud and chopped, and you could hardly open your eyes enough to see around you. The world was shattering, your world was tumbling down a mountainside at 100 miles an hour, plummeting straight for a ledge with nothing but the abyss below it. 

You allowed yourself to cry. To feel the pain you’d been inflicting on yourself for months. You let it envelop you. You let it punish you. You were going to beat yourself up over this. And no one could stop you. 

You had caused your own problem. You had gotten in your own way of finally being with the love of your life. 

You ended up falling asleep right there on the floor, in the fetal position beside the bed. You woke up to find all the lights still on, purse beside you, and all of your clothing still on. You slowly drug yourself up from your humble place of self-loathing, crawling into the bathroom to strip down and prepare yourself for bed. You couldn’t bring yourself to look in the mirror, feeling too ashamed to even look yourself in the eye. 

You found clothes that would do, turned out most of the lights, checked your phone, and fell into bed. You’d been lying on the floor for two hours. 

Your mind began to race again replaying everything...remembering the look on Jake’s face when you left was enough to make you want to lose every memory you ever had. 

You brought your fingers to your lips, gently touching them, wanting to savor the feeling of Jake’s lips on them just a few short hours ago. You peeked your tongue out, tasting him still there. The kiss..It had felt so absolutely right, like nothing else in the world could be more true than you in each others’ arms, finally feeling again what you both had missed so badly. What you both craved. He was your end game, too. You just had a giant road block staring you in the face. 

You knew you’d made the right decision professionally, but at what cost? There was no way you were going to let him make himself out to be hypocritical, and you weren’t going to lose the best job you’ve ever had. Stupid contract technicalities. He could end up getting in trouble, too. Breaking the rules like that was frowned upon, even when it was from his side of the party. How could this work? 

It couldn’t. There was no way around it. 

You decided to text Sam, hoping that he would be awake at this late hour. You even sent double messages, hoping the noise would jar him from his sleep.

You

2:42am: Hey, sorry if I wake you. Can I come over? I really need to talk

You

2:45am: Sam wake up :( 

You

2:50am: Where are you? Are you okay?

You waited…but got nothing in return. Figures. He’s been so distant lately…

You closed your eyes, hoping to find a bit of relief in letting them see nothing but darkness for a while. But in the hilarious, twisted, trickery of your subconscious, all you saw was Jake’s face. 

After a few minutes, your phone buzzed in your hand. 

Thank God, Sammy. You glanced down to find a name that you didn’t expect. 

Jake

2:56am: I meant everything I said tonight. I don’t regret a single word. You can leave or stay, but just know I’ll love you until the day I die. 

Tears welled up again. You thought back to the kiss, how at home you felt in his arms, the passionate glow of attraction you felt deep in your bones for him while your lips danced and your hands explored again for the first time in too many years. How he was going to utter the words you’d been longing to hear for so long, only to be interrupted by the sound of duty calling.

He truly still wanted you, and there was nothing you could do about it.  

——

The next morning, the sun came through the curtains of your hotel room, burning onto your face and eyelids. Normally you would love this feeling, but right now you just wanted to lie in darkness until someone had to physically drag you out of bed. 

You begrudgingly went through the motions of pulling yourself out of bed, to standing in the shower while your limbs performed the necessary tasks to clean yourself. You let your brain tune to autopilot as you chose clothing to suit the day, and you mindlessly gathered all your things together into your suitcase, dreading the day of travel. 

Where the hell is Sam? You need your best friend right now.

You checked your phone reluctantly, truly not even wanting to pick it up for the rest of the day. But to your surprise you had a handful of texts from Sam. 

Keys

7:55am: Hey! Are you okay? I’m sorry I missed your texts

Keys

7:58am: Do you want me to come down? 

Missed Call 

8:00am: Keys

Keys

8:03am: Helllooooo…Y/N? You have me worried…

You immediately hit the button to call him. It only rang once before he picked up. 

“Hey Sammy. Sorry I blew up your phone last night.” You said, exhaustion heavy in your voice. 

“Hey, it’s alright, don’t worry about it. What is wrong? You sound awful…” he asked with concern. 

“I had...a really bad night. Can we talk for a minute?” You asked, suddenly feeling like you were imposing with how little you’d talked in the past couple of days. 

“Yeah, yes. I’m on my way. What’s your room number?” He asked. 

“Actually, I’m already coming down your hallway. See you in a second.” You answered, hanging up the phone. 

He was already standing in his doorway looking for you when you turned the corner, a solemn but cheerful expression on his face. He was in nothing but a pair of shorts, and had his hair back in a messy bun. 

“I already know that look, and it usually involves my brother.” He said as you approached him. He brought you in for a hug. “Did he make you sad, Y/N? Do I need to whoop his ass?” 

You chuckled, feeling a smile hit your face for the first time in hours. He opened the door wider, allowing you to step into his room. 

“First of all, are you okay? You’re not still feeling sick?” You asked. 

He turned toward you with his hands in his pockets, “Uh no, I’m good. Feeling great now, actually.”

The two of you sat in the living area of the hotel room, facing each other on the couch. You huffed, not really knowing where to begin. You wanted to lay everything out on the line for him, tell him what happened last night, and hope that he could give you some sort of direction. But at the same time, you hoped you weren’t about to break his heart. 

“I know that you can probably feel that things are sort of…changing a bit between all of us, and I just want to start out by saying that I don’t want you to be upset with me or him about…you know.” You said, trying to insinuate about the situation between you and him, and you and Jake.

“I know...Y/N. I get it. You don’t have to explain that part. We had that conversation before we started this, remember?” He smiled reassuringly, resting his head on his fist against the back of the couch. “Just good friends.” 

You breathed a sigh of relief, “Ok. Well, to make a really long story short, we kind of had a…moment  last night, finally. Perfect, amazing, everything feeling just like it used to, you know? But we got interrupted by my work phone and I had to take it. It basically set off an alarm in my head that what we were doing was wrong. I work for you guys, he’s my boss. I literally signed a contract saying I wouldn’t do this. I could lose my job over this, Sammy. And he could get in a lot of trouble, too.” you paused.

“So I stopped, we stopped everything. I told him we couldn’t do this. There was no way. He got mad, Sam. Not at me, just… mad at the situation, I think. It was awful. We were both crying and yelling at each other. Right when it felt like everything was going to be okay again.” 

He stared at you, furrowing his brow and tossing your words around in his head. He bit his bottom lip, and finally spoke, “Ok, wait. Let me get this straight.” He sat up on the couch, bringing his hands into the conversation, something he always did when he was trying to get his point across. 

“You and Jake were in love for a hundred years... We all thought it was going to be you guys, forever and always amen, yada yada. You leave us, no contact, no goodbye, no nothing. Then you randomly find us in a brand new city by accident and are already employed by us. On accident! Nevermind all the you and me stuff…” he shook his hands and head at the mention of your relationship. 

“Then, Jake dumps his witchy girlfriend because you’re finally back in his life, you brought him back to his happy place, and he thought he would have a chance again. You guys flirt continuously, he’s finally back to his old self, he’s playing guitar better than I have ever seen him play before…you guys what, almost hook up last night? Get all your feelings out? Speak your truths? And now you still don’t think it will work? Because of a job?” he asks, voice thick with confusion.

You nod your head. “Sam, this is my dream job. The career I’ve always worked toward. I’m happy doing this, it’s where I want to be. But I also want him, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in the world…but I can’t have both. I can’t have my cake and eat it too.”

He stared at you in disbelief, hands still floating questioningly in the air. 

“Y/N, I think you’re thinking about this all wrong…you’re not looking at the bigger picture here.” He smiled, and began to laugh through his words. He spoke like he already had all of the answers, and was confused as to why you didn’t. 

Just then, you heard the vent that had been running in the bathroom switch off, turning your attention to the door. You looked back to Sam, startled with perplexity written in your eyes. 

He dropped his hands, then brought them back up to glide through his hair. He met your eyes, and gave you a knowing smile. 

“Y/N, I know you know someone else is in here...and I think you’re going to be really happy about it.” he says.

You were stunned and confused. Who the hell? Is it another girl? Is this why he’s been so distant?

Just then, the bathroom door opened, revealing a gorgeous little petite thing with wavy brown locks. She smiled shyly as she gave you a tiny wave. 

The room spun in slow motion around you as you finally narrowed in, your mouth dropping at the sight of her face.

“Elle…” 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Part 12

Taglist:

@gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@eyelinerjake@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf

[cows-wearing-my-sweater]

midnight, car lights

word count: 1245 warnings: none notes: ok so. i didnt plan on posting matty fic anymore but i had this half written anyways and writing this was comforting to me when i desperately need comfort so. i hope u all enjoy this dont kill me <3

Matty takes your hand in his, running and leading you down the street and to his car. The both of you are laughing uncontrollably, and you’re calling out for him to slow down before you trip over your own feet. Matty, always eager for a chance to be contrary, takes this as his cue to speed up. He’s still gripping your hand, though, not allowing you to slip behind. His car finally comes into view, a welcome sight for your racing heart and ragged breath. You both come to a halt, laughter still managing to escape your mouths despite the gasps for air between each of you. The sound of your shoes echoing through the quiet city street fills your ears in the moment of silence between you and Matty.

When the air finally returns to your lungs, you shoot Matty a playful glare. “When you said ‘I’ll race you there,’ I did not know that meant I’d be dragged along behind you like that.”

“Ah, come off it, that was fun!” Matty exclaims. “You said you wanted to get out of there soon as possible, didn’t you?”

You and Matty had found yourselves at the dinner party of some old acquaintance; the whole affair had been a bore and quite honestly miserable. You were eager to slip out of the sleek black dress Matty had practically begged you to wear, and instead spend the night alone with your lover. When you had finally found a moment to catch Matty alone, you schemed together to find a believable excuse for leaving early. The plan had worked and, hurriedly stumbling down the stairs to the front door, you stifled your giggles as he snuck a kiss to your neck. Upon meeting the brisk night air, Matty declared he would race you back to the car. Before you knew it, your hand was clutched in his and you were practically flying over the sidewalk.

Matty walks around to the passenger side of the car and opens the door for you, bowing dramatically as he ushers you in. He kisses your hand when you’re seated, gently closing the door as he says, “You can be the passenger princess tonight, if that makes up for it.”

You give him a satisfied smile at this. You kick off your shoes, heels aching just a bit, and start searching for the perfect music as Matty pulls away from the curb. The opening notes of Menswear come through the speakers, causing Matty to groan. “Darling, I love you very much, but we are not listening to my own voice tonight. Change the damn song.”

“I believe someone declared me as the passenger princess,” you deadpan.

Matty gives you the side-eye but doesn’t argue. Instead, he gives in completely; the moment you start singing along, he can’t help but join as well. You point to him and he points to himself while shouting “Why don’t you talk to Matty about it,” and suddenly the car is filled with your bad singing and Matty’s bad dancing. He stumbles through some of the words, but really he’s more focused on you than getting the lyrics right. The next few songs play through, all songs that you know like the back of your hand (you manage to slip in a few of Matty’s songs despite his initial protests).

Matty’s eyes flit back and forth between the road and you. Your eyes are closed as you sing and you seem to be glowing under the brief streaks of starlight that attempt to pour through the windshield. Matty reaches a hand over to rest gently on your thigh, his thumb rubbing soft circles over you. He quiets his own voice at times, relishing the sound of your carefree singing.

The two of you traverse the night like this for a long while, following the familiar roads back to your shared apartment. It’s nearing one in the morning, but you feel as though you could stay like this all night. Matty’s excitement at the music energizes you. One of the songs in your queue causes him to perk up, exclaiming “I fuckin’ love this one!” He starts to sing again – really sing this time, in the way that leaves you speechless. The passion in his voice is something tangible and it’s one of the most attractive details about him. He turns up the volume, drowning out all your thoughts aside from the lyrics and the burning image of Matty himself. You study the smile across his face as he belts out the familiar lyrics; you can almost hear it in his voice and you want to play it on repeat for the rest of eternity. You inhale deeply and let his presence fill your lungs. You let it fill your mind, your heart, your bloodstream. It’s everywhere, all encompassing. It’s wonderful.

The car pulls to a slow stop, the final notes of Just Like Honey fading out. Matty stops you when you move to open your door. He scrambles to get out of his seat first and walks around to your side, opening the door himself and extending his hand out to you. A cheesy grin is plastered across his face while he does so.

You let him help you out, placing a quick kiss on his cheek when you’re on your feet again. “Thank you, my love, I don’t know what I possibly would’ve done without you.”

Matty simply shrugs. “I’ve got to treat you like royalty, haven’t I?” he answers, walking to the apartment with his arm around your waist.

Not many words are shared in the short journey up to your floor. You lean your head against Matty, which he takes as a sign to press gentle kisses to the top of your head. You sigh with contentment. The energy that was so high just a half hour ago is beginning to die down, replaced with drowsiness. 

You practically bolt to the bedroom when Matty unlocks the front door, all too eager to change into pajama pants and the soft cotton of one of Matty’s t-shirts. It’s a struggle to even get yourself to wash your face and brush your teeth; you can hear Matty humming softly in the other room, and your body is screaming for you to go rest in his arms.

Finally, finally, you can collapse in your bed. Matty enters the room as well, changed out of his clothes from earlier. His curls are slightly disheveled – you know he’s been running his hands through them, trying to muss them up against the tidy way he had styled them for the evening. He sits on the edge of the bed, admiring your tranquil state.

“Matty,” you say, voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes?”

“Could you sing for me?”

Matty laughs softly. “Of course, darling.” He gets up and walks across the room to one of his guitars. When he returns to the bed, he’s sitting closer to you. You feel his hand brush through your hair, followed by a delicate kiss to your forehead. Your eyes are closed now, and you let the sound of his gentle strumming wash over you. Matty’s voice lulls you to sleep faster than any other sound possibly could. His words pass through your dreams throughout the night. You don’t know when you fell asleep, but when you wake up to the soft morning glow, Matty is still there, guitar placed on the floor and arms enveloping you.