#i hope ace can feel how loved and admired they are...but most importantly t

[incorrect-ace]

Not a qoute

[northeasternwind]

All Ye Wandering Hearts, 1/1

SO WHO WANTS SOME SAD BUT ALSO HOPEFUL VEIZEN AS CANON-COMPLIANT AS I CAN GET IT. Sadly this is about Eizen trying to handle his feelings for Velvet so Velvet isn’t actually in it lmao this is what happens when you are aro/ace and try to write romance that also complies with canon please forgive me

Title: All Ye Wandering Hearts Fandom: Tales of Berseria Rating: T Word Count: 2022 Main Characters: Eizen, Laphicet, Velvet (mentioned)

Summary: Eizen has an extremely ill-advised crush, and a purpose with which it is nearly incompatible.

Velvet was unremarkable.

There was no way to sugarcoat it. Humans obsessed with revenge were a dime a dozen in this world, and in his long centuries of travel Eizen had seen plenty of them. I’ll kill him no matter what. I’ll never forgive what he’s done. I don’t care who else suffers.

Velvet was unremarkable. There was nothing at all unusual about her.

...Except she stayed.

It was in her best interest, Eizen reasoned. He had a ship and a crew, and 1000 years of experience besides. His usefulness outweighed the consequences of his curse. Certainly it made things more difficult than they had to be, but she seemed to think his company worth the extra trouble. Well, it was; the Van Eltia boasted the hardiest pirates in the known world, and he was its leader in Aifread’s absence. She was strong enough to shrug off the worst of his curse, so he was a greater asset than a risk.

She didn’t much appreciate his vast knowledge of treasures and history, but she accepted his insight. He hadn’t heard any complaints yet, at least. She simply appreciated the sheer depth of his experience, most likely, even if she didn’t actually care for what he had to say.

Point being, their coexistence was purely business, and that was the only difference between her and every other vengeful human he’d known. If she happened to tolerate him slightly more than other such humans, it was merely because she had a goal and would use any means within her reach to achieve it.

There was no reason to appreciate her as a person. None.

...Except.

In the depths of Titania, Eizen flipped his coin. A malak was more than simply a human with magic powers. In most places Eizen had an awareness of the ground under his feet that was difficult to explain with words; an uncanny certainty that there were things growing in the soil beneath, or not growing, and a bone-deep understanding that he would never understand how big his world was. How much earth lay under and across the sea.

But if he closed his eyes and really focused at an earthpulse point, the power became more acute. Eizen withdrew from his thoughts and tested his reach; he could feel a tiny daemon girl standing next to an equally tiny malak, men loitering on the dock, normin in the entrance hall.

Velvet on the watchtower.

Generally it was difficult to tell her and Rokurou apart, but tonight Eizen knew for a fact that Rokurou was downstairs sleeping off the disappointment of not getting to kill the dragon of the Aldina Plains. (And there was another subject to brood on, later.) The powerful daemon atop the watchtower could only be Velvet Crowe, once a sister of three.

Once.

Eizen would die if something happened to Edna.

And, perhaps more importantly, they had a common goal which inevitably led to them spending time together, even if that time was generally spent fighting for their lives rather than doing any sort of bonding. And since she was the only other person in their motley band with any sense, it was she Eizen most often shared his plans and concerns with.

They say you can get attached to someone just by talking to them often enough, even if you have no other reason to like them.

Eizen withdrew his senses from the earthpulse to look down at his coin. Tails.

He groaned and massaged his brow. Eizen had a crush on a daemon.

Velvet had no personal interest in him and damn it, he shouldn’t have any in her, either. But what a woman! Who learned the art of the sword from Artorius Collbrande himself, who only ever intended to use it for hunting, who must have once been a common family girl who cared for her brother as tenderly as Eizen once cared for Edna. Velvet was no coin with two distinct sides; she spoke softly to Laphicet for the same reason she destroyed towns, taught Eizen about Aldina Alabastergrass for the same reason she devoured her enemies.

She was cruel and kind, and clever, and her fierce beauty wasn’t helping at all. Damnation.

Eizen flipped his coin over in his fingers. Could he truthfully say he was in love with Velvet? No matter how deep her pain, Eizen never hesitated to bar her way if it hampered his own agenda. Could he claim to love Velvet when he valued his feelings over hers, Aifread’s life over hers? Could he love someone whose suffering he would only ease because it fell in line with his own?

But there was no mistaking his feelings. The gratification when she confided in him; the admiration of her bladework; the urge to be near her, to know more, to hear her thoughts and opinions. And, at least in his case, an enormous frustration with the fact that a malak and a daemon couldn’t remain in direct contact for very long.

“Eizen?”

Eizen started and looked up: lost in his thoughts, he hadn’t noticed Laphicet’s approach until the young malak was directly above him. Wide green eyes peered down into the cell through the grate at the top.

“I’m sorry!” Phi called down. “Did I mess up your concentration?”

Eizen shook his head. “No, it was already broken. I’m guessing you came to try sensing the earthpulse points again?”

���Yeah.” Laphicet’s face disappeared from the grate, and he appeared shortly at the ladder. Eizen watched diligently as he descended; no one had fallen yet, but with a drop like that it was only a matter of time.

He reached the bottom and hurried over to where Eizen stood waiting, white robes fluttering behind him. “What did you come down here for?”

Eizen flipped his coin again, considering his answer. Laphicet’s own crush on Velvet was the catalyst for many of his decisions, and Eizen had no desire to complicate that for him. “I was thinking about things I can’t control again.”

“You mean like your curse-- oh!” Laphicet blinked, and returned the good-natured poke Eizen had given him through the earthpulse. “I guess you can sense things through the earthpulse, too.”

Eizen smiled. “Yeah. Not as strongly as you, of course, but I think being an earth malak helps. I can count all the people on the island and tell you where they are.”

Laphicet’s eyes lit up briefly before he closed them again, focusing. He tended to lack control same as any malak his age, but what generally took Eizen several minutes of unbroken concentration Laphicet could accomplish in a few seconds. He opened his eyes again.

“That’s pretty neat!” he said. “But… what does that have to do with… things you can’t control?”

Eizen restrained a sigh, disliking the thought of hiding something from Laphicet even if his feelings were his own business. “It’s true that being a malak grants me abilities others don’t have, like sensing through the earthpulse. But it also places restrictions on me that are much greater than those placed on humans; I can only make friends with those who can see me, can only swim with a floatation device, can only withstand malevolence with a vessel.”

“You don’t think that’s a fair deal?”

“Fair has nothing to do with it. It’s part of who I am, so I accept it, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling frustrated from time to time.”

Laphicet put a hand over his heart. “I think it’s nice being a malak. I can protect my friends, so I don’t really mind needing a vessel to get around.”

“Even if it means you can’t be as close to Velvet as you’d like?” Eizen asked. Laphicet winced, and he instantly regretted the remark.

“...Even so,” Phi said nonetheless. “It’s not that I can’t touch her at all or anything, after all. I just think it’s better to give her a hug sometimes than to avoid it because of the malevolence. You’ve carried her before, too!”

“Aye. But our lives depended on it, so I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“Even if you don’t want to be close to Velvet or Rokurou, that’s just your choice,” Laphicet said simply, with the air of one absolutely certain in his reasoning. “And if I do, then that’s my choice. Right?”

Eizen sighed. Laphicet had absorbed his philosophy a little too well, it seemed. “That’s true. But you have to accept that even with a vessel, exposing yourself to that much malevolence means becoming a dragon is inevitable.”

Laphicet wilted. The concept of dragons and their origin was yet new to him, but better he learn now before he doomed himself unknowingly, Eizen thought.

...And yet, he didn’t much like discouraging Laphicet.

“Your wheel is yours to hold,” he repeated, flipping his coin again for emphasis. “The only difference between now and before is that now you know the risks. Knowing that you’re aware you’re also choosing to become a dragon is good enough for me.”

Laphicet closed his eyes again, considering his answer. He was so very young, and Velvet was his whole life; Eizen knew what his choice would be regardless of the risks.

“You can think about it,” he said, voice softening. “And there are other ways to help while you do, you know.”

Phi visibly brightened again. “Yeah! I’m going to try the earthpulse again. Can you stay here please, if it’s not too much trouble?”

“Sure. But I don’t see how I’m going to be of much help.”

“I like having you around,” he insisted. “I think that can be helpful.”

Eizen chuckled, appreciating Phi’s simple honesty. “Alright, if you insist. Let me know if you need anything.”

Laphicet beamed, producing his compass from the depths of his bag and setting to work at once. Eizen withdrew from the earthpulse entirely; it wasn’t as though Phi needed the room, but Eizen needed to think and that tended to be difficult while bearing witness to his search.

Even if there was a future for Velvet after vengeance-- which Eizen highly, highly doubted, he thought with a pang-- she simply wasn’t worth what he would have to give up to even think about being with her. The malevolence, he mused, was almost a non-issue in comparison to everything else; his lifestyle already guaranteed he would become a dragon someday, but dedicating himself to Velvet as Laphicet had would require him to forfeit so much.

She existed for her revenge. Would he give up his pursuit of Aifread if she asked him to? Give up his philosophy? If he were forced to choose, would he choose her?

No. Of course not.

Eizen loved Velvet, he decided. He simply loved Aifread more. There was no shame in knowing what was most important to him, in deciding that some loves by their nature must come before others. Velvet wasn’t worth it.

His gaze fell upon Laphicet, holding his compass and focused entirely on the earthpulse. Then again, he wouldn’t always be forced to choose. He loved Laphicet, too, felt the same strange joy in guiding him through his feelings that he’d once known with Edna, and his search for Aifread hadn’t yet interfered with that. Laphicet was no obstacle at all; he was worth the effort of bonding with him, even if he had at first been a means to an end.

And, after all, Laphicet’s greatest desire was to help Velvet, wasn’t it? Eizen could assist her in his own way, beyond the unspoken terms of their coexistence, without having to infringe upon his deepest beliefs.

It was something, even if it wasn’t much. Velvet simply wasn’t important enough to him to be worth his entire life, but that was no different from the multitudes of other people he loved less than Edna or Aifread.

The hatched opened above their heads, and Eizen knew without having to look who had come to visit.

He sighed, resolving himself not to feel guilty for knowing he couldn’t have everything.

But that didn’t stop the quiet voice in his head that whispered, maybe someday.