#i honestly knew i would feel better once the concert actually started. i've been through this shit before lol

[bonni]

the idkhow concert was really good! dallon weekes has great stage presence and enjoys showing off that he can hit high notes live (and good for him honestly). most of the songs I didn't love from the new album were skipped anyway, although they did do the spoken word song and weekes revealed that it was inspired by a real letter he got from a toxic ex so now I feel bad about shitting on it 😭

I have also concluded once and for all that I hate filming during concerts. never again! I recorded the first verse and chorus of new invention on my phone and it just totally took me out of the experience, I felt disconnected and focused on all the wrong things. I couldn't even jam out because I didn't want my camera to shake :/ so I allowed myself to enjoy the rest of the song and didn't bother trying to record anything again. if I want something to remember a concert by I'd rather buy an overpriced t-shirt than miss out on experiencing my favorite songs the way I want to experience them.

[staytinyville]

The Thoughts of a Lover

↣ Summary: You meet your soulmates at one of their concerts. From there you guys decide to wait for their tour to finish before meeting up with each other to start the rest of your lives together. However, that didn’t stop you from doing things while overseas. 

↣ Characters/Pairing: Yunho x Mingi x reader

↣ Genre: Mature/Smut (MDNI)

↣ AU/Trope info: Soulmate!au (You can see/hear your soulmate’s thoughts)

↣ Word Count: 5.8k

↣ Warnings: dom!Yunho, sub!Mingi, phone sex, mxm, oral (m receiving), threesome,

↣ A/N: BETA READER @mariana-mmtz Honestly I didn't know I had this in me. I was heckin proud. I was kicking my feet and giggling the whole time. This is my first post to the networks I've joined and I'm so happy about it!

At a certain age–usually around puberty–people get what is known as The Thoughts of a Lover in their head. It’s a terrible name really, but it’s what philosophers from Roman time decided to call it. Those Romans were clearly very passionate people.

It was meant to signify that somewhere in the world someone was connected to your spiritual essence. It was the will of the universe, knowing exactly what it was doing when it created humans. They knew their creations needed to be procreated somehow, so what better way to do that than by making a destined person for you personally.

Times changed, of course, people didn’t feel the need to fall in love with their destined person much. They realized that while there would always be someone there who was like their other half, people knew that they had free will. It wasn’t common though, to go about without finding your destined soulmate. The universe knew what it was doing every time it pulled apart a soul to place down on Earth.

Sometimes though, the universe would pull it apart more than once.

The myth goes; the creators pull apart a soul to create two and then toss them into a bucket. Another creator then grabs one and throws it down to earth. Every few years or so, there can be a creator who forgets they had already split a soul apart and ends up doing it again. Thus creating more than one soulmate.

Multiple soulmates were rare, but not unheard of. The most a soul was considered to be pulled apart was 4 times with a total of 5 soulmates. And that was at millennia ago. Now, at most, someone had four soulmates.

You had considered yourself special when you had turned 14 and suddenly heard not one but two voices in your head. Their random thoughts often surprised you but still somehow brought a smile to your face to know they were real and out there for you to find.

You were the kind of person who believed in destiny and staying with your soulmate. It was a bit intimidating to know that you had two–worry frequently creeped into your head when you thought about how you could possibly manage the two, but if their souls were just a separation from yours, you knew they too were meant to be together.

The day you met your own soulmates was the day you went to their concert. You attended their soundcheck and tried to get them to notice you from the floor. The universe, however, only allowed certain thoughts that didn’t involve speaking to them directly to pass through the bond. So you had to speak as though you weren’t actually talking to them.

Yunho had been the one to spot you first after you had started to think about rock, paper, scissors and play it out with him. They were overjoyed at the discovery, getting you to meet them at their hotel, where you spent the night with them.

It hadn’t been that long ago, only four months having passed since then. It gave you time to get your life together for when the boys would come back. There was a lot of texting and calling over the phone, which left you happy enough. All three of you would always express how much you miss each other, but it wouldn’t be long before you saw them again.

You had been going over some assignments, Yunho on the phone telling you all about their concert of the night. You would laugh at the things he would tell you, enjoying his voice over the speakerphone. As you began to type out some response to an email, one of the boy’s thoughts drifted over to your head.

I wonder if her thighs are soft. They felt soft last time. Mingi’s voice resounded.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked over at your phone. “Where’s Mingi?” You asked Yunho.

“He’s in the shower.” The man answered you.

You hummed to yourself, looking over at your computer screen.

I want to be smothered in them. Really I do. His thoughts once again penetrated your mind.

You shut your laptop closed, picking up your phone and moving from the computer. You felt a shiver go down your spine as dirty images seemed to pop up in your head. Your eyes went wide, making quick work to reach your bedroom and lay down.

“Angel, are you okay?” Yunho asked, shuffling around in the hotel room.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” You told him, sitting on your bed.

“Mingi!” You heard Yunho shout. “Hurry up.”

“Don’t lie to me. I saw them too.” The man sighed over the phone.

An unbearing heat crept over your body, your muscles twitching at the revelation Yunho had just told you. Of course, he had heard Mingi too.

“It’s nothing I’m not used to.” You told him quietly.

Yunho snorted. “I’m realizing how terrible that must have been. We’re so sorry you had to witness those things.” He laughed.

“I mean, I had needs too. You weren’t the only one I would assume.” You giggled.

“You are in fact right. Choi Minho? I see.” Yunho laughed out loud.

“Yunho!” Your face turned hot.

You fell back onto your bed, phone pressed to your ear. As you heard Mingi step out of the shower and get scolded by Yunho, the only thing that was brought to your mind was the amount of times you would scold yourself for thinking filthy things, knowing your soulmates were probably seeing them as well.

Was Mingi really thinking about me that way? You asked yourself.

You subconsciously began to rub at your thighs, lightly skimming your fingers over the tops of them and up to your hips. The shirt you wore to bed raised up with your hands, allowing the air in the room to cool your skin.

They are in fact soft. Thank you for noticing. You giggled in your head.

Just as your fingers were about to slip under your panties to touch your hip bone, Yunho called out for you over the phone.

“Angel?” He spoke quietly.

“Yes?” You spoke quickly, dropping your hand from your hips and sitting up.

“Everything okay over there?” He asked breathlessly.

“Yes. I’m fine.” You moved along the bed, wanting to get comfortable.

“We beg to differ.” Mingi’s voice was heard over the phone, closer to the speaker.

“Don’t stop on our account.” He told you.

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Finish what?”

“Angel, we saw everything.” Yunho laughed. He took a deep breath, speaking closer to the phone in a breathless whisper. “What else you want to think about? We want to see more.”

Your breath got caught in your throat, huffing out air, which made the boys sigh as they heard you. You sighed deeply, suddenly thinking about how the boys might be waiting for your response on the other end. Their excited wide eyes, mouth hung open at the imagines you could be sending them.

You took one glance at your phone before quickly taking off your shirt. You had always enjoyed the feeling of something brushing along your skin. So your soft fingers drifting over your torso and legs only made you think about all the things that you wanted the boys to see.

You thought about their own hands drifting along your skin. Yunho’s hands softly glide over your rib cage and past the slope of your breasts–skipping over your nipples. His nails would lightly scratch you, causing shivers to wrack through your body. His touch would burn trails as he went along, leaving your skin cold the more he traveled further down your body.

Mingi would use his entire palm, giving a message of sorts. He would allow his palm to grip over your neck, not knowing how to be light with his touches. His warm hand would allow itself to settle over one of your breasts, rolling your nipple over between his fingers. He would be mesmerized by it, mouth wide open as he thought about taking it into his mouth.

“Please let me.” You opened your eyes at Mingi’s whimper.

You gasped, having forgotten they were on the phone listening in. Your hand had drifted down to feel rub at your hips, the band snapping back as you pulled your hand out.

“Mingi?” You questioned, pulling the phone closer.

“Please. Can I suck on your tits?” He moaned out, huffing into the mic of the phone.

“Mingi.” Yunho whined, shuffling on the other side. “Come here.”

You could only think about the older boy pulling Mingi into his arms, softly rubbing at his back to calm him down.

“Please, Mingi.” You huffed.

You closed your eyes when all of a sudden the image of Mingi’s hot mouth on your breast filled your head. The boy was suckling softly, allowing his mouth to fill with your skin. One of his hands would squeeze at it, messaging. He moved it towards the valley between them, gripping onto the other one. Your back arched, blissful sighs slipping past your mouth.

Your fingers moved in between your thighs, finally slipping further down. You dug your fingers further, knees jerking when they felt the warm, wet skin. You withered on the bed, a moan slipping out and into the phone at your side.

“Angel,” Yunho breathed out. “Are you touching yourself?” He asked you quietly.

You could hear Mingi’s whimpers on the other end, wondering what it was they were doing.

“Angel, I’m speaking to you.” Yunho growled quietly.

Mingi’s cry made you flinch, but you answered Yunho anyway. “Yes.” You whispered.

“I would hope so.” He chuckled. “Keep going. Mingi wants more.”

“What about you?” You asked quietly.

“You think I’m not enjoying myself? I have to keep my pretty babies happy first.”

Your breath got caught in your throat from the way he was speaking. It was clear he was someone who took charge of things. He knew how to talk to people and get them to do what he wanted. And if you weren’t about to listen, you would force yourself to.

Your head began to come up with scenarios where you were at Yunho’s mercy, Mingi going along with it all. He would move to the end of the bed, kneeled between your legs as Mingi kept your breasts in his mouth but turned, so he could watch Yunho.

The image was wiped out as Yunho’s thoughts quickly overpowered your own. You moaned out loudly when Yunho was suddenly leaned down between your thighs, face pressed tightly to your core. His large hands held your hips down tightly, keeping you from moving too much. You could only imagine what his tongue must have felt like in real life.

Your hips bucked up as your fingers moved faster. You withered on the bed, clenching the muscles in your thighs as you panted over the image. Mingi cried out again, hearing your whimpered moan.

“Yunho.” He cried out, rutting his hips into the older man’s hand.

You whined along with him, wanting to know what it was they were up to. “Please, tell me what you’re doing.”

Instead, you only got an image. Mingi was sprawled out on top of Yunho, while the older bot moved his hand up and down on Mingi’s shaft. Mingi was a moaning mess, allowing himself to submit to Yunho’s grasps. He kept rutting his hips up and down, cheek pressed to Yunho’s chest.

You moaned out again, finally reaching where you needed the most attention. You could feel the wetness that was slowly seeping out, rubbing it around to add more slick to your clit.

You flinched, whimpering from the stimulation.

“Doll, please. I want more.” Mingi huffed.

“You heard him, Angel.” Yunho chuckled, squeezing at the man’s base.

You allowed yourself to fall prey to the thoughts of being filled by them. The moment you allowed your fingers to slip into your hole, was the moment you started to think about Yunho pounding into you.

He had taken your ankles in his hands, holding your legs up as his mouth hung open from the feeling of your walls tightening around him. Mingi was holding your face as his lips moved over yours, fingers pressing into your neck. You had your hand wrapped around him, giving him pumps every once in a while.

Mingi suddenly let out a loud moan when your thoughts came into his head. Yunho laughed, rutting his hips into Mingi’s torso that was covering him. At the man’s movements, Mingi was quick to move down and place Yunho’s tip into his mouth. This caused the man to grunt.

“Angel, you're so good.” Yunho huffed, patting Mingi’s head as he spoke to you over the phone. “You’re such a good boy.” He turned to Mingi, dragging his fingers through the boy's hair.

Yunho allowed the image to be engraved into his head, giving you a sneak peek at what was going on. Mingi had his nose pressed to Yunho’s hips, cheeks hollowed out. His head bobbed up and down, hands jerking off the parts that were out of his mouth.

You cried out, causing Yunho to laugh. “Be a good girl, keep sending us your dirty thoughts.”

With the image of Mingi over Yunho’s cock, you began to think about how they could do that with you there. Your first deduction would be you on top of Mingi, moving your hips up and down along his shaft, causing him to whine out from the pressure. He would be loud, or at least try to be.

Yunho was over him, rutting his hips into the boy’s mouth. He would have Mingi’s head hanging off the edge of the bed, enjoying the view of you swiveling your hips. As Yunho would hold back, he moans and grunts, his hand reaching over to your clit, moving his fingers quickly.

You cried out, head falling back as your nails scraped against Mingi’s chest. With Yunho’s fingers stimulating you and Mingi’s cock hitting that perfect spot every time, you found yourself quickly reaching the point of no return.

Just as the “you” in your vision reached her climax, you cried out into the phone, legs tightening up from the stimulation. Yunho let out a loud groan, shoving his hips deeper into Mingi’s mouth from hearing you climax.

“Come here, sweet boy.” He quickly pulled Mingi up to his knees, leaning down to suck Mingi off.

The boy was already overstimulated, so it didn’t take long for him to cum with a cry. You moaned loudly along with him, whining at the sound that came from his throat. Yunho swiped his tongue along his lip, licking up the mess. As he leaned back into the pillow, Mingi was quick to take Yunho again, wanting him to reach his orgasm as well.

Yunho didn’t hold back this time, using Mingi’s mouth as he pleased. He held the boy’s head down, trying to reach his high, just as you and Mingi had. His eyes rolled to the back of his head when a new image turned up.

Both you and Mingi leaned over his cock, tongues swiping over the length of it. You both looked up at him with glossy eyes, waiting for him to cum. It was when he saw you both open your mouths that his eyes closed and he shoved Mingi’s head down.

His loud moan made you twitch from over stimulation, having continued touching yourself until you knew they both had come. You clenched your legs, fingers keeping still inside yourself. You could feel the throb going through your cunt, which only made you hum at the sensation.

“Angel, are you okay?” Yunho asked you from the phone.

“Is Mingi okay?” You asked back.

Yunho looked down at the boy who had licked his lips cleaned as he had, slumped over to the side as he cuddled into Yunho. The older man laughed lightly, rubbing fingers through Mingi’s hair.

“He’s perfect.” He told you.

“Then I’m perfect, too.” You lazily smiled.

“A month until we go home.” Yunho told you.

Your eyes were drifting shut, as your body tried to come down from the high you had experienced. “I can’t wait to see you.” You softly told him.

“We can’t either.”

NETWORKS:

@cultofdionysusnet @pirateeznet @sandsofire

[verukamtl]

Untitled story draft

Tagalong, thank you SO much for your encouragement! Honestly, it's the only reason I've gotten this far.

Somehow I have two followers now (?1) and if you both read and enjoy/give feedback on this first attempt at a fanfic (since Sherlock Holmes in high school), I will be over the moon, but no pressure. I was saying in the chat this morning that this is basically a retelling of S1 but from an outsider's POV, my lovely Magnus. I hope to be able to add some "original" scenes as well that fit into the canon. Okay, here goes nothing!

Magnus thought of himself as a fairly typical Swedish teen. He enjoyed sports (he was on the rowing team though he preferred hockey), liked being outdoors (skiing, walking in the woods, birdwatching), and was studious enough to get decent grades. He understood that his family being able to afford to send him to Hillerska put him in a privileged class but there were plenty of students from wealthier families. He had friends, was generally well-liked, and tried to be a good person. Tall, blond Magnus didn’t stand out.

Unlike Simon.

Petite, golden-skinned, cute….no, beautiful, Simon stood out to Magnus. He didn’t often think of other boys as being “beautiful,” but he figured that no one could objectively see Simon as anything but. Something had drawn him to the non-res student from the beginning of term, something that Magnus wasn’t ready to face fully, except sometimes late at night when images of Simon’s face or body would flicker onto his mind’s screen as he was falling asleep. During the light of day, he knew that he wasn’t ready to act on any of his feelings, or even acknowledge what those feelings were, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy checking out Simon at school. The two were acquainted since they had a few classes together but not more than that. Magnus worried that he would be too shy and unsure of himself around Simon to really get to know him better. Observing from afar would have to do.

***

All of Hillerska knew why the “party prince” was transferring there. Who hadn’t seen the viral video from the club? Magnus knew that Erik, the Crown Prince, had attended Hillerska and that August was their cousin, so he was curious about why Wilhelm hadn’t started his secondary education there. He wondered if having an actual prince in his class would change anything for the better or worse: More security? Less freedom? Better parties?

Everyone was present at the choir performance to welcome the prince, and since Magnus knew Simon would be singing, he tried to get a seat in one of the closer pews. What better opportunity to gaze openly at him while he sang like a nightingale?

Magnus hadn’t realized that the Crown Prince would also be in attendance, which made their small party the center of attention as they took their seats in the front row. Magnus had only seen Wilhelm in the viral video so was a bit taken aback to see that he was relatively slight and quiet, not at all the figure he expected. He seemed unhappy, which was probably natural after all the drama he’d been through.

Once the choir began their performance, Magnus’ focus was pulled away from the princes by the superb voices coming from the riser in front of them. One voice in particular rose above the rest – despite being heckled by one of their asshole classmates – and Magnus closed his eyes briefly to enjoy the music enveloping him.

When he opened his eyes again and found Simon, he was struck by the expression on the singer’s face. Had he looked that intense and passionate during previous concerts? Magnus glanced to his left to follow his line of sight to see what who or what had caused Simon to reach this heightened level of emotion.

It was Prince Wilhelm.

The prince’s gaze was transfixed on the dark-haired boy and his previous downcast expression was gone, replaced by an ever-widening smile. Magnus’ mouth fell open just slightly as his breath hitched, awed by the emotions he thought he recognized in the prince’s eyes.

***

“I’ll get you for that, Mags!” The brown-haired boy with the ruddy cheeks grinned broadly at him as he lunged at him in the swimming pool. Magnus and Ragnar had been friends since they were six, and loved horsing around now, seven years later, as much as they did when they were small. Rags was very physical, affectionately encircling Magnus’ neck with his arm, slapping him on the back when he told a good joke, and wrestling him to the ground on the slightest pretext. That afternoon in the pool was no different: Magnus had splashed Ragnar, “by accident” of course, and in response Rags took things to the next level.

Magnus took a deep breath as his friend came at him and ducked under the water to escape his laughing attacker. He was able to push off the pool’s bottom to close the distance between them and grab Ragnar around the waist. As his hands tried to find purchase on the other boy’s slick, smooth skin, he realized that he could feel Ragnar’s muscles pulsing under his fingertips as he twisted out of Magnus' grasp.

As Magnus broke through the water to come up for air, he heard a triumphant Ragnar shout from behind him, “Not this time, Mags!”  He barely had time to take another breath before Ragnar was pushing down on his shoulders to shove him underwater again. As Magnus’ feet were pressing on the bottom of the pool, he used them to spin around to face Ragnar…at the level of his bathing trunks and flat stomach. Ragnar continued to kick out and writhe in the water, moving his body in ways that sent shockwaves through Magnus. Despite the cool water, Magnus felt hot to his core and was thankful that Ragnar couldn’t see him. However, his need for air was greater than any awkwardness he felt about the situation and he surfaced, shaking his wet hair out of his face, swimming slightly away.

“You’ve already given up, Magnus? I guess I win this round!” Ragnar smirked at him and let himself lean into a back float, closing his eyes to the bright sun. Beads of water pooled on his chest as it rose and fell. Magnus took advantage of this quiet moment to look at the other boy through new eyes. He was briefly overwhelmed and confused by the unexpected feelings of…desire? Longing? Ragnar was one of his best friends and he wouldn’t jeopardize that for something he didn’t completely understand.

Ragnar’s family moved away the following year and while Magnus missed him, he was also somewhat relieved. He made himself believe that his feelings for Ragnar that summer were an aberration, and managed to keep up this belief until Simon came into his life.

***

Magnus was not surprised that Prince Wilhelm was being given the room between him and Alexander. Its previous occupant, a boy from an extremely wealthy oil family, Peter, had left suddenly a couple of weeks earlier. The construction and layout of an older building like Forest Ridge House meant that the heating vents for adjoining rooms were in the shared wall. This meant is that during quiet times, Magnus was able to hear conversations and…other activities from the room next door. He had never been a good sleeper – waking up to pee or because a limb had fallen asleep or for seemingly no good reason at all – and more than once he had been privy to some private time Peter had been enjoying when it had been especially enthusiastic.

[tpwkxxangel]

Is this the real life? pt. 3

**not my photo**

[warnings: mentions passing out and loss of a parent, maybe a little concert depression?, language]

No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness. That's the excuse I'm using after getting back from the Harry show. Even if I told my mom that I went to the show and now Harry knows me by name, she would think I'm certifiably insane. I have been in love with this man since he was sixteen years old and suddenly, he knows me by name? This is totally not my life.

Last night was so insane that I don't think I've fully absorbed what happened. Yes, I'm physically fine, but emotionally? Definitely bruised. The girls explained exactly what happened after I passed out and it sounds like something straight out of a rom com.

Harry stopped in the middle of the song to make sure I got over the barricade safely. He sang the rest of the encore songs, but he did seem a little worried. My friends had all been told by the same security guard that lifted me over the barricade that they could follow him after the show. They followed him into the green room where they waited for me.

Jeff, Harry’s manager, came to reassure them that I was just getting checked out and would be escorted to the room once I was given the okay to leave the arena.

I just can't wrap my head around anything that happened this past weekend. It can't be real.

When I stepped on the plane this morning, I thought everything would be fine. With all the excitement the last 24 hours, I'm supposed to be happy, right? I'm lucky enough to see the little fruit man prance around on stage more than once this tour, and this past show was not my last one. So why do I feel so fucking empty?

I didn't want to go back to reality at all. I know I have to go back to work and face my big kid responsibilities, but I have no motivation whatsoever.

When my Uber drops me off at my house, I can't help but sigh. All I want to do is get into my bed and cry for a little bit. I specifically flew in at a time when I knew my mom would be at work.

The door makes a soft clicking sound locking and I place my duffle bag on the ground.

"Y/N? Is that you, honey?" my mother's voice sounds through the foyer. I nearly jump out of my skin from surprise.

"Ah!" I scream clutching my chest. "Mom? What are you doing here?"

She makes her way over to me holding a dish towel. "Who else would it be?" she playfully rolls her eyes before continuing, "I decided I'd work from home today. You were at Caroline's all weekend so I figured we could do a movie marathon when you got home today."

This wasn't unusual for us. At least once a month, when her workload was light, we would blow off all our responsibilities and just binge watch the Twilight series. It's just her and I, so we often do those types of things together. And honestly, it sounds better than crying myself into a nap.

"Um, yeah. That sounds fun. Let me shower really quickly," I gesture upstairs. She nods, and I quickly make my way up to my room.

I notice I still have my pit wristband! I quickly take it off and set it on my dresser. That was so close. It's not that she wouldn't be happy for me if I told her the truth, but like most mothers, she worries about everything. Did I almost die? Probably. Did I actually die? That's still up for debate.

She also doesn't understand Harry's part in my life. She thinks I'm too old to be a fangirl for a grown adult. Since I started my dream job of being a content editor, I should have moved out of obsessing over childish things according to her.

What does she honestly expect though? I mostly read and edit books for a living. My head will forever and always be in the clouds surrounded by love and heart wrenching storylines.

When Harry released his 'Love on Tour' show dates, I begged her to let me go, but she only responded with "It was different when you were a teenager. You are twenty-two years old now. Why are you so fascinated with a twenty-five-year-old?"

That was a little over two years ago, and my answer still hasn't changed.

He saved me when no one else could. That's why. It's not like I didn't have a support system when I was going through the worst stage in my life. I am thankful enough to have a lovely family and friends, but they could never understand what it was like to feel that low. Harry did. Through his music I was able to heal wounds that I didn't think could ever heal. She doesn't understand that though.

I love her to death, but we just don't see eye to eye sometimes.

I throw my travel duffle on my bed before walking to my closet to pick out a cozy outfit. I can't help but smiling at the knock off Rolling Stone's shirt that Harry used to wear so often. I'll definitely be comfortable in that. I grab a hold of that and some biker shorts and head into my bathroom.

Maybe I should just move out and then she might understand better? One of the main reasons I haven't is that my mother has no one else. She hasn't dated since dad passed a few years back, and she loves to work so she rarely has time to hang out with her friends. I'm all she has left and she hasn't hinted once about me getting my own place.

As much as she worries about me, I worry about her too.

After my shower I head downstairs where my mom is setting everything up. I smile and laugh at the hoard of blankets and pillows decorating the couch.

"If we're having a marathon, I figured we'd do it properly," she chuckles.

Yeah, I don't know that I could move out anytime soon.

~

The incessant buzzing of my phone woke me up the next morning. I blindly reach for the object on my nightstand. The screen causes me to squint but what I see has my heart sinking hard into my chest.

The 'OT5' group chat is blowing up with 115 messages. I quickly jump into action, sitting up and turning on my lamp. This could only mean one thing...

One of the boys did something!

If one of the boys did something I will literally never sleep again. I was asleep when they released Drag Me Down and I have never forgiven myself for putting sleep over them since.

Dove: Y/N!!! WAKE UP!!!

Rachel: OT5 EMERGENCY MEETING WAKE TF UP BITCH!

Sofie: What happened?

It looks like it didn't take her long to figure it out because she spammed the chat moments after sending that message.

Sofie: OMG Y/N YOU NEED TO WAKE UP NOW!!!!

Katie: i will literally never get over the fact that i didn't get to go to the show. i hate you all

Dove: 4 NIPS NO HIPS!!! EMERGENCY Y/N!!!

The procedure that we have all agreed upon years ago is that if it was too hard to articulate what was going on through text, we would use a designated code word for whichever boy to narrow down who did what. Obviously, this emergency is about Harold.

I hit the facetime button as soon as I read that message.

“Y/N have you checked Twitter????” Rachel calls out being the first one to pick up. The other three following shortly after.

“No! I just woke up! Someone tell me what’s happening!” I shout quickly feeling the impending stomach drop of Harry doing something while I was asleep.

They all start talking at once, so I interrupt them. “Katie, as the voice of reason, please explain before I hyperventilate.”

“The video of you passing out is circling around Twitter right now. It’s trending, Y/N. Luckily the video doesn’t have a clear view of you, so they don’t know who you are yet,” she responds quickly.

I freeze for a moment. How did I not consider this before? We are living in the 21st century so of course someone would have been videotaping what was going on. I quickly pull up Twitter to see an update account has posted a video of what happened. I read some of the comments under the post and they are all surprisingly kind. Most just want to check to make sure I'm okay.

“Alright. This isn’t bad. I don’t connect my personal social medias with my stan social medias,” I say trying to play off the minor panic attack I’m having over a video of me passing out going viral. What if my mom see it?

“It’s okay to be upset. You couldn’t help it. You literally just dropped,” Dove says.

“Yeah. They don’t know who you are. This video will be last week’s news once he plays his show tomorrow,” Sofie says gently.

It’s not that I’m upset per se. I’m more overwhelmed by people acknowledging my existence when I’m almost always overlooked.

“Sofie’s right. No one will know it’s you,” Katie comforts. She’s honestly the most levelheaded out of all of us. She had her sister’s wedding to go to this weekend so she couldn’t make it out to the show.

“Holy shit is that the time?” I jump out of bed quickly running to my closet. “I’m gonna be late for a meeting!”

“It’s okay! We’ll keep you updated,” Dove says before I say my goodbyes and get ready.

This meeting was a normal meeting with a corporation who wants me to ghost write their web page for them. I’ve done that a few times, so I made sure to draft up a few ideas to show them this past week. There’s a lot of things you can get done while waiting in line for nearly 14 hours to see the love of your life.

I’m very much a homebody, so this job is perfect for me. I hate idle chit chat in general, so my job allows me to work virtually anywhere. It’s incredible.

When I get to the building, I scan my badge to slide through straight to the elevators. I get to the meeting room just in time to start. I let out a sigh of release and relax into my chair while my boss makes introductions.

Despite the minor freak out this morning, I know today will be just as normal as my life was before the Harry concert. Back to reality.

~

By the end of the meeting, the company decided to go with one of my ideas which was nice. Since I already had some things written, all I have to do is revise the draft with their slogan and motto before sending it over to their IT person to place on the website.

I turn my phone back on, only to have it blow up similarly to this morning. The group chat is going off, and my twitter notifications are flooded too. I check the group chat to confirm what I already know.

Dove: They found your username.

Rachel: Those assholes from the line posted your @/

I don’t need to read the rest to know that that’s why my twitter is going off.

This was unfortunate but inevitable. They were bound to find me. I’m lucky to have never posted anything super descriptive of myself on this stan account, because yes, I have multiple. They will only know the first initial to my name because that’s what it is on there. This isn’t as bad as it sounds. I might as well check twitter just in case.

When I get back to my office, I pull up my twitter on my laptop. I see about 700 new people followed me.

I instantly freeze.

Not from the number of new followers, but from the DM that is sitting in my inbox taunting at me...

@/Harry_Styles: Hey Y/N! I was just wanting to check in and see how you were doing after the show last night? -H

~

tag list: @harry-is-my-sunflower @gucci-hazza @damnasstyles @msolbesg @hi-yekaterina @imaginesofdreams @multiplums @gxldenxash @infinitely-yellow @sunshinetemptress9

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

[jjungkookislife]

So I first found out about bts through the react bros channel in September of 2015. I was coming back from living in Mexico for a year and I just remember seeing the video pop up on my recommendations once I finally got back home. And guess what? It was people reacting to DOPE! (I still think it's iconic and crazy how the opening to the song and mv was literally 'is this your first time with bts' AND THEY KNEW AND THE SUCCESS THAT FOLLOWED OMG) bts was my first group that REALLY first got me into kpop. Before that when I was in 8th grade this friend of mine showed me Elvis from aoa and nalina from blockb but I just listened to the individual songs

Anyways, after I saw that video I watched the actual mv and and started to listen to their albums. Also since I'm a dancer I binged all their dance practice videos and was listed to the color coded lyrics so I could figure out which member was which. And lil baby Kim taehyung just kept on grabbing my attention 🥺 I still remember I would listen to their music and be like omg who is that singing, especially since he sang in a lower register than nowadays.

Honestly tho I feel like my journey with bts has been crazy since I've been a stan since 2015. Back when hyyh was first being released and when bts was first starting to get recognition and attention. And now look at them 🥲 they've done so many wonderful things

Also I think it's really cool that you're asking about people's bts origin stories cause I've also wanted to tell someone this since my friends aren't into kpop and stuff so thank you for the opportunity for letting us tell you our stories 🥰

*side note- I hope you're having a wonderful day and will have an even awesomer weekend! Your stories are amazing and you're such a talented writer I can't wait (yes I can l, no rush or pressure to your creative process at all) to read more of your beautiful writings 😊

YES! The opening is iconic! And to go back and see their older stuff to now, it's so mind-blowing! When I first got into them, I had no idea how big they were and when i looked up the concert in FW it was sold out!!!!! I still have a hard time telling their voices apart, but it's gotten so much better lol but i can tell them apart by their ears, elbows etc lol i wish i had been into them earlier! but i found them when i needed them it's wild to see people who've known them for so long!

Ah thank you for sharing your story! I love hearing about how you found bts 'cause everyone's story is different and special! so im so happy so many have shared!

thank you! i hope you have an amazing weekend! i have to work tonight and im nervous which is why i popped in but i've had a wonderful day talking to everyone! and thank you for reading my work, it means a lot to me!

share your bts origin story and bias

[thebraingremlinsaremad]

Daily Blog #6: August 13, 2021

Okay, okay, I know it's a couples days later, but I can assure you that I did not forget; I purposefully, and kinda without a better option, didn't post on Friday, and you'll see why.

So the day started off pretty regularly: I got up, ate breakfast, got a shower, and then sat around playing games and watching YouTube for a bit.

That was until my friend showed up at my house...

He called me and said to come outside, so I did.

It wasn't long until I got into his car, and we started driving.

I definitely should have been more anxious or nervous heading out, but for some reason, I just sat there with my head absentmindedly poking out the window, not really thinking about it.

I really wish I had grasped the situation a little better.

We got down there after an hour and a half of driving and we parked a bit away because there were so many people there, so many people there, in fact, that we just got some food until it calmed down again.

It was gonna be a great fucking concert.

Hella Mega Tour 2021, originally supposed to be Hella Mega Tour 2020, but postponed for obvious reasons.

We shopped for a tiny bit beforehand, not buying anything, and then headed over to the stadium 45 minutes before the concert was set to start. We were let in about 10 minutes later, and we filled our contraband water bottles that we managed to hide on the way in.

We sat there for a bit, me just listening to music on my Redmi Buds 3 pro.

I love these things.

Pretty soon the music started, and it was The Interrupters; everyone was feeling pretty lazy for this bit.

It's not like they were bad or anything, they were actually pretty good, but I guess everyone was just getting situated and didn't wanna bother using up all of their energy lol.

So The Interrupters' set is up, and they tear down the stage and reset it. Before too terribly long, Weezer starts up, and there's a lot bigger reaction from the crowd than there was before: people knew the songs, like Africa, Buddy Holly, Beverly Hills, and Feels Like Summer to name a few.

I was getting into it a bit, I knew a good few of the songs, I was moving along, I sang a bit, took some video.

What's cool is that I could feel myself moving along the scale, like going from no excitement while no one was playing, then tapping my foot and grooving to The Interrupters.

When Weezer first came on, I was just sitting there like, "alright, this is good shit." Towards the end, I was quietly singing Buddy Holly, their last song for the night.

I say quietly because there was a lot more loudness to come.

I should add that, up until this point, the music had been kinda unbearably loud, the highs really piercing and hitting hard.

Additionally, up until this point, I had been trying my best to document the concert with videos and audio recordings; it wasn't so much about enjoying the concert, for I've always been taught just to record stuff and not worry about the concert.

I don't think I've ever really enjoyed any of the concerts I've ever been to; I was there, but I wasn't. I didn't really know too many of the songs, and I had only listened to the artists in passing, not to mention the fact that my mother had been at every other concert I've been to, which is stifling in itself. I really can't enjoy anything when she's around.

But here we were; it was starting to get dark, and Fall out Boy was coming onstage. The crowd was getting into it with Weezer, and it was time for Fall Out Boy. The energy here had far exceeded both Weezer and The Interrupters, and this went for me as well.

I was sitting there, singing along and still occasionally recording, but I didn't have my phone out too much. I started to dance in my seat with every song, for I knew almost every one: Sugar, We're Going Down, Centuries, My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark, Grand Theft Autumn/Where is Your Boy, The Last of the Real Ones, Save Rock And Roll, and Dance, Dance being a few.

Throughout this set, everyone was singing along, but the real fun had yet to begin; the scent of smoke from the flames and fireworks finding its way through the crowd, the music now strong instead of piercing, a sense of unity between everyone in this packed stadium, between people of all walks of life: men, women, children, transgender, cisgender, non-binary, gay, straight, lesbian, ace, black, white, Asian, Mexican, young, old, middle-aged, and everything in between and outside... It didn't matter who you were or where you came from; you were at a fucking party, and everyone was gonna fuck it up once the main act came on stage.

Meanwhile, everyone was more than happy to celebrate with Fall Out Boy and some of their greatest and most memorable tracks.

Part way through Fall Out Boy's set, I decided to get off of my ass and join the growing number of audience members who were really getting into the groove and feeling the music.

It was so close to becoming an explosion of energy once Fall Out Boy was about to leave the stage.

After they left, the set was torn down once again and set up for Green Day.

Their was a low mix of music playing through the speakers all the while things were being set up. Once the stage was set, the music continued for a bit, but was then cut and replaced with a voice and lyrics that everyone knew immediately.

"Is this the real life. Is this just fantasy."

The crowd sings along to every word.

"Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality."

Freddie's voice poured out into the crowd, and the crowd sang them right back.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see"

The song continued, and the whole crowd sang to the very end.

This really goes to show how impactful some people and groups can be on our lives... Although no one at the show was connected to Queen or Freddie Mercury, everyone who came to see these 4 bands still knew this great group.

Once the song was over, a mix of some of the most famous rock anthems began to play:

"We will, we will rock you"

"I love rock and roll"

"Hey, Ho, let's go"

A glorious piece all lead up to the 4 running onstage, Billie Joe Armstrong, Jason White, Mike Dirnt, and Tre Cool, joined now by 2 new members, Jason Freese and Kevin Preston.

All at once, it was an explosion of strong and passionate guitar jamming, soon followed by the drums and vocals of American Idiot. All at once, the crowd was rocking along with bopping heads, stomping feet, and swaying bodies. I only had my phone out to record for a short moment before I put it away and scarcely removed it from my pants for the rest of the concert.

I couldn't help but feel cocky, as a bi/pansexual (idk which one lmao), being allowed to sing the line,

"Well maybe I'm the faggot America"

I was like, "You straight bastards better not be singing that line 🤣"

It was absolutely incredible; the crowd cheered passionately and wholeheartedly at the end of every song and solo, after every quote from the band.

The coolest part about the concert was the fact that everyone just lost themselves in the music, as well as that everyone, without hesitation, followed what Billie Joe said. He says jump? WE FUCKING JUMPED. He tells us to scream? We. Fucking. Screamed. And when he wanted us to sing, we sang. I mean, okay, we were singing the whole time xD. I'm sure we would've sang if he told us to and we weren't already doing so lmao. What he said was our law, and we were doing our jobs as the dutiful citizens of Suburbia by following those laws.

It really is hard to express the level of pure energy at this gathering, especially when it radiates from every point in the packed stadium.

I screamed so loud and hard, and sang so long and passionately, that my voice started to go. But. Guess. What.

When you're at a place like this, no matter what, you just have this insatiable urge to keep going no matter what. When my arm got tired of throwing my fist in the air, I kept fucking going and even used the other arm too.

It's such a strange feeling when you feel like you're about to give out, like your voice is gonna break, or you're gonna collapse from dehydration and exhaustion, but you find around you the strength and power to keep on going, no matter how quickly your vocal health deteriorates.

Ask my friend, I couldn't speak properly after that shit xD. He even threatened to send a video of me talking to my choral teacher, who honestly would have been mad at me lmao.

Meanwhile, Green Day is playing some of their greatest hits, old and new alike, and I knew every single fucking one of them. I sang every song, and only took a break between 2 of them to down my whole bottle of contraband water in 3 seconds flat.

At one point, the band stopped playing, and Billie spoke into the microphone.

"Get your pretty lights out. I wanna see the pretty lights."

Everyone got their phones out and turned the torches on, as per his command.

"Turn the house lights off."

The lights go off, and the stadium is lit up almost as bright as it had been before, but this time with the lights of thousands.

"Look at that."

It was honestly an incredible moment.

That brings me to another point: when you go to a concert, you're not just paying for the music, you're not just paying to see a band, you're paying for an experience.

Let me tell you, this was one hell of an experience.

If you don't leave a concert feeling fulfilled, then the performers didn't do their job of giving you the experience that you paid to be a part of. I'm so happy that these four bands, especially Green Day, were able to deliver.

I really did love every moment of that show, which is such a rarity for me. I'm really happy that my friend took my mother's place. I can't fucking enjoy everything when she's around.

Oh yes, it wouldn't be one of my daily blogs without me talking about how my mother consistently pisses me off. Don't worry, I have some happy shit left to end on.

I swear to fluff though, she always manages to ruin everything for me. When we went to see The Lion King on Broadway, she insisted on coming with. That meant that I wasn't able to relax in my seat because this disgusting woman was sitting next to me and I had to cram myself to the side of my chair away from her. It meant that I wasn't allowed to cry when Mufasa died or during Can You Feel The Love Tonight because I knew I'd get made fun of for it.

I even went to a Fall Out Boy concert before, her refusing to let me go myself, and I didn't sing a single song because she'd just tell me to let the professionals handle it.

And for fuck's sake, the time she compared me trying to fucking validate my existence as a trans person to her wanting a car... That will always fucking piss me off.

Sorry, I got sidetracked. I was talking about how she ruins everything for me.

I literally cannot be myself around her. I've always been judged and ridiculed by my parents, and still am. I can't enjoy anything when they're around because I'm too focused on trying not to get made fun of or yelled at.

That being said, that concert was absolutely fucking incredible. I was with thousands of people who felt the same way that I did, and I could fucking jam out if I wanted to.

Apart from everyone being really on top of their game, and Billie Joe basically not aging since he turned 25, the only really notable thing left to say about the performance was when they pulled a kid guitarist onstage. He played for a bit, and they ended up letting him keep the guitar lmao.

BEST PART IS:

I SAW THE KID AFTER THE CONCERT, AND I WAS LIKE,

"Omg, hey, can I get a selfie with you?"

I was trying to be really low-key and quiet cuz I didn't wanna draw too much attention to him lmao.

The security guard was like, "Yeah, sure, but hurry up."

I TOOK THE PIC REALLY QUICKLY AND THEN HEADED OUT

HERE IT IS

YES, OF COURSE I BLOCKED OUT MY FACE

But I absolutely love the vibes of this photo xD. It's blurry, the lighting is shit, and you can barely make out any details. It has a lot of character, and I would take this over a clean, clear photo any day.

Walking away, the kid's mom said, "You're like, the coolest kid ever now."

Agreed.

Then it was time to go home. Honestly, I didn't feel sad that it didn't last longer, or disappointed that I had to leave. I was actually very satisfied and fulfilled with what happened, which is honestly the way it should be.

Driving home, I stayed awake by sticking my arm out of the window and letting the cold rain hit fast like tiny needles.

I got home.

I passed out.

Although, that was technically on Saturday 🤔

ANYWAY, THIS IS MY LONG ASS BLOG FOR FRIDAY THE 13TH

I hope you enjoyed

Be good people!!!!

-Leonna

[putschki1969]

Hello! Big fan here, I just wanna ask: what are the qualities/traits of the Kalafina girls that caught you by surprise/off guard? Like, "hey, I didn't expect this from Keiko/Wakana/Hikaru". It doesn't have to be related to their singing haha but for me, I was genuinely caught off guard by how beautiful Hikaru's falcetto is, and I still think it's the most beautiful falcetto I've ever heard. I always look forward to when they're performing oblivious because of this, but I want 2 know what u think

*waves* Hello!!!

Forgive me for taking SO LONG to reply to your ask. This has gotten a little lost in my draft section and now I am finally working through all those abandoned posts. Sorry!! m(._.)m

First of all, OMG, YES, Hikaru’s falsetto is absolutely gorgeous!!! The later “oblivious” performances have all been amazing, I am so glad I got to hear Hikaru’s falsetto live at the 10th Anniversary concert. She slays those Hanae parts and I am just super happy for her because she is no longer reduced to having to lip-sync her way through this song.

As for my thoughts…It’s actually surprisingly hard for me to put my love for Kalafina into words (／。＼) But I shall try my best!

Since we are already talking about Hikaru, let’s start with her.

~Qualities/traits that surprised me~ Hikaru Edition: First of all I really love her stubborness. At first glance you wouldnt assume her to be the stubborn type but what’s that saying? Quiet waters run deep. She will not be influenced by others and when she has her mind set on something she will see things through no matter what. I am quite stubborn myself so I really appreciate that trait in others. It may be seen negatively by some people but I think it’s actually a big strength. Just looking at her tweets is so inspiring, she always has a life-lesson in store for us. I am so proud of her for taking on the challenge of becoming a solo singer all by herself. It must be so intimidating and I am sure there are lots of hurdles she has to get past. But if there is one person who can do it is Hikaru!! And then there is something I have only recently become aware of. It’s Hikaru’s love and appreciation for us fans. Again and again I am surprised by how much she thinks about us. The way she interacts with us on twitter (how she even thinks about foreign fans), the way she conducted her birthday event. The way she is taking her fans’ wishes into account while preparing for her solo live in December. I am just so incredibly grateful to her. And honestly, she has been like that ever since the beginning. Just look at her blog posts. Since 2009 she has been uploading posts super frequently (more so than Keiko and Wakana I think) and she has always kept us up-to-date with her travel diaries.As a singer/vocalist/performer: I was obviously thrown off by Hikaru’s fierceness because one would never expect her to have such a strong stage presence just by looking at her.

~Qualities/traits that surprised me~ Keiko Edition: I think it must be her love for and protectiveness of Wakana and Hikaru. Reading all of her interviews it seems like in the past Keiko never really cared a lot about other people, I guess you could say she was a little arrogant/self-centred. And hey, there is nothing wrong with that, especially if you are part of the entertainment industry. However, working together with Wakana and Hikaru for such a long time really changed her. She obviously cares so much about them and wants to make sure they are doing fine. It was never just about supporting them vocally, no, she always supported them in all aspects of life. Keiko was the driving force of Kalafina, she took it upon herself to “take the lead” when Wakana and Hikaru might not have felt comfortable with it. Even now you can still tell that she is a beacon of strength for Hikaru. Hikaru has tweeted a couple of times that she always feels better and more confident after she has talked with Keiko. Unfortunately we don’t see any of that being posted publicly but I am 100% certain that Keiko is also supporting Wakana in her endeavours. Aside from her protectiveness I was really surprised by her vulnerability and her determination to hide that side of herself from us. We all know she is strong, tough and super determined. Among the three members of Kalafina she is least likely to show her emotions but once in a while she will open up a little and let us know that hidden behind that stoic exterior there’s actually a very sensitive girl. Of course she will do her very best to hide it from us - she really doesn’t like showing her tears - but once in a while we are lucky to get a glimpse of her more vulnerable side. I was really surprised when I first read her solo interviews in “Kalafina Record” and “Kadokawa” because, they are so “real” and personal. It makes me cry whenever I read about Keiko’s insecurities when she started working together with Yuki Kajiura and the other singers. How she thought she couldn’t do anything and she was dragging everyone down. Keiko takes pride in being the best in what she does so for her to admit that she had so much trouble fitting in due to feeling inadequate, it’s something incredibly rare.As a singer/vocalist/performer:Well, what can I say except her deep and sultry voice? I think everyone is caught off-guard when they first hear those low notes coming out of her mouth. No one expects this cute little girl to be able to produce such a deep, dark singing voice.

~Qualities/traits that surprised me~ Wakana Edition:Wakana has always been very open about herself, what we see is what we get. So I guess there is not a lot that has surprised me throughout the years. But if I had to pick something it would probably be her strength to move forward despite hardships. Hikaru has her stubbornness and Keiko has her determiniation, they are both incredibly strong women. Next to them Wakana often comes across as frail and a little weak. She has openly admitted to be the type that easily gives up and there was a time when she seriously considered quitting Kalafina. And I do not blame her for that. Just imagine what she must have gone through! With her voice going through all these changes it must have been so rough for her. It’s obvious that Yuki Kajiura has always been most demanding of Wakana. Not to crumble beneath all that pressure takes a lot of strength and stamina, especially if you are slowly becoming aware that you might no longer be able to properly fulfull all these demands. The fandom’s disdain turning full force towards her probably didn’t make things any better. Yet, despite all of this, she kept going, she persevered. Yes, she did have Keiko and Hikaru at her side to support her but it was still Wakana who made the decision to continue. That takes a lot of strength!And these days she is even stronger and braver because she is slowly taking control of her life. She knew the consequences of staying with Space Craft but she took her chances. She cannot please everyone, she knows that and she doesn’t care. She wants to follow her dreams and right now that’s all that counts for her. I think Wakana is a people-pleaser at heart and for the longest time she has done nothing but give things to others without ever taking her own wishes and needs into account. It takes courage to change a mindset like that. Her interviews reveal the struggles she has been going through, of wanting to please her audience but also wanting to do her own thing (knowing that her old Kalafina fanbase might not appreciate it). As a singer/vocalist/performer: I guess it just always surprises me to see that a woman with such an angelic voice is actually a big-fat dork.