#i honestly dont think my family would flinch if I did this

[syndrossi]

yes hi im asking more questions (maybe i shouldnt and should just leave you to writing…)

so i was wondering how it came to be that the twins would be Jon and Rhaegar. was that always the plan? i know someone already asked what would have happened had it been twin girls or a boy-girl pairing and you answered for each. now i’m just wondering out of curiosity did you ever consider it being Jon and Dany? (i dont like Jon betraying her so in my mind that scene is scrapped and in this version both have yet to meet each other, maybe they’re 16 or something in their respective bodies or Dany’s younger, etc.)

i just think it’d be interesting since Dany always craved more information about her past and more Targaryens that she’d be open to the family dynamic quicker, but also considering she grew up on the run from assassins she also knows a thing or two about protecting herself, but also being jumpy, flinching when being touched, protective of her family, i don’t know how her dynamic with Daemon would be though

I decided on Rhaegar pretty early on, in part because Resonant is meant to examine the parallels of three sets of brothers (Aemon+Baelon, Viserys+Daemon, and Jon+Twin), aka "as a Targaryen, you marry your sister but who is your brother to you?" Answer: it's messy and complicated (Viserys+Daemon) and can be just as deep a connection in some ways (Aemon+Baelon).

It mostly came down to which Targaryen brother I'd give him, since them both being TPTWP candidates was crucial to the main story plot aka why they were Summerhalled, and the interesting dynamic of having it be Rhaegar-but-in-little-brother-format was very compelling. The other two main options that Jon had ties to would have been his uncle Viserys or his half-brother Aegon who survived in another universe.

Any of those three could have worked, but Viserys at fourteen was already pretty unstable, and Aegon would have been essentially an OC. Younger Rhaegar meanwhile plays into Jon's fear of loss, while holding a deep, unrealized connection. I also quite liked the unwitting parallels between Daemon and Aerys, where Daemon's fiery nature works so well for Jon while Rhaegar's first instinct is wariness.

Aside from wanting the brothers parallels, I wanted to avoid the romance dynamic that crops up when you have different-gendered Targaryen siblings. Dany is a valid candidate for Jon's new sibling, since she's heavily hinted at being the actual canon PTWP, but having Jon+Dany as the twins inevitably would lead to an expectation of romance or having everything viewed through a lens of romantic love even while they're children. Although that can be interesting too, romance is well-trodden ground, especially Jon/Dany.

Which isn't to say that it couldn't have been a non-romantic sibling relationship. But while no one is clamoring in the comments for a Jon/Rhaegar pairing (for many reasons), I doubt I would have gotten a moment's peace about Jon/Dany.

Finally, I guess it also came down to the fact that I feel like there are already quite a few reincarnation stories featuring Dany and Jon, and it's something people are more likely to write. Who the heck in their right mind would ever throw Rhaegar into the mix instead? I honestly thought this would be such a niche story lol.

But if we want to play out the scenario where it was Dany instead:

In the case of a Jon+Dany story, Dany fills the "little sister" hole in Jon's heart, rather than mix of Robb+Arya that Rhaegar does. Because of who they are (part-Targaryen), Allard doesn't have them share a chamber, even this young, as a precaution. All the things I said in the previous ask the M+F combination probably applies as far as Daemon's reaction.

For Dany, I have to imagine this would all feel like the best of dreams, especially if it's a Dany transported prior to her marriage. She has a brother who doesn't turn abusive at times and who loves her without reserve, and she would probably even love it at the Gates of the Moon, which would be more of a home than she'd known growing up. Lady Lynda would have been delighted by a girl, and their relationship would have been very sweet. And then after the rescue, the wonder of coming home to the Red Keep that she had only ever heard about, with a protective/loving father and more family than she could have ever hoped for.

(Dany's background is probably closest to what Daemon envisioned Jon and Rhaegar's childhood had been like: unloved, unwanted, longing for a home and parents.)

If instead it had been the Dany from Jon's universe, it would have been a very different dynamic. That Dany is much more jaded and hardened by life. She has shouldered heavy responsibilities, seen war, commanded armies, and had to scrounge for power all her "adult" (teen) life. It would have been harder for her and Jon to fall into a twin sibling dynamic, and much harder for her to accept the very different expectations for her based on her gender, after all the agency she'd built up before. This Dany would have been a much better ally of Rhaenyra's, ultimately.

[adaptacy]

It’s the anon with the Yearbook!Reader. Honestly surprised that was pumped out so fast with such quality, I was giggling when I read it ngl. Anyways, I am here to put forth another request for you to choose to do.

Got pretty boy Leland first.

Thinking about Leland and his S/O just relaxing in bed. Soft kisses, nice lil cuddles, some of that fluffy shi. My main point to this was called Leland pretty boy and just like, praising him. Give him all that TLC, babes deserves it.

(Could make it angst/comfort with Leland being insecure about scars he has after the Sawyer family incident, but just praising him for no reason is valid as hell)

It’d be chill if I sent several requests at the same time, yeah? I dont wanna fill up your request box, but I love your writing (Leland especially) and just have so many ideas at times. I also didn’t expect my request to be answered same day, usually takes a while, I’m willing to wait a week or two yknow.

-Kuhuahua

im- i- ik i havent been active on tumblr (ive been rping tcsm on discord <3) but i heard 1 song and it made me think of this request and then i rly wanted to write it SO here we go!

TW: aaaaaaangst with extra angst on the side.

Song recs: When You Gonna Run - Alpha Rev

He never talked about them. You understood why. Honestly, you doubted that he even spoke to his therapist about them. It's been four years. Even now, he still flinches when they're grazed, he whispers out quiet, "Not there, sweetheart," his voice tainted with a somber desperation, genuine hurt. You weren't sure if the pain was physical or emotional. Maybe both.

Four years and he still got teary-eyed if you asked about them, or referenced the incident at all. You'd learned not to, even if you did wish he would open up to you. For the first year that you were dating him you'd just assumed that he would talk about them when he was ready. But then the year came to an end. And so did the second one. And now, at 29 months with him, you'd stopped wishing. Gotten used to the shrugs and the soft sighs, the disdain in his gaze when you inquired about it.

So you didn't bring it up. But you knew he thought about it. Knew he felt it. Not talking about it was easy enough, after a while. But being close with him was hard. Physically close, that is. Every brush of your hand in the wrong spot, or a kiss on the wrong hand, touching your forehead a little to hard against the slit in his eyebrow-

29 months, and you still felt like shit for being unable to remember every single one of his scars. Every single placement- the big ones you could remember. But the small ones spanning the rest of his body, snips of horrors on his arms and the dots of regret on his torso, were impossible to map out.

He sat, watching the movie, next to you, one of his knees bent up to his chest while the other leg hung off of the couch, his chin propped up with one hand, his elbow resting on the cushioned arm of the loveseat, his other arm outstretched next to him, where his hand intertwined with yours.

The ones on his hands weren't bad. There were three on this one, tiny marks that you were surprised hadn't healed. You'd overheard the reason why; the second time you'd joined him at one of his doctor's appointments they'd mentioned him overworking himself, reopening the wounds. You wondered if they still hurt when he worked out.

Without thinking much of it, you scooted closer to him, only a few inches, and you snuck under his arm so that it hung off of your shoulder, though you refrained from leaning against him. He didn't react aside from a small squeeze of your hand. You lifted that hand and pushed a kiss to the back of it, earning his attention.

You didn't meet his eye. You didn't want to see the distant, aching hazel behind the kindness he usually showed. Didn't want to see the microscopic frown that tugged at his lips, you didn't want to see his chest rise and fall with another one of his dejected sighs. You just wanted to kiss him.

So you did, starting at the back of his hand and moving up, your mouth brushing against his arm just under another scar, your eyes closing. This time, it was you who sighed, and you took a gamble, moving your lips up and kissing the coarse patch of skin you'd avoided.

"Baby," he muttered, his voice tainted with the same sadness it held any time he was forced upon a reminder of his past. You didn't reply, nor did you stop, moving up to a different scar, this one closer to his shoulder, repeating the same for this one. A kiss, soft and lingering, before you pulled your head up and finally leaned it against his side.

"I think they're pretty."

There wasn't any reason you'd said it. Just that you'd felt it. And the words came to you, so you gifted them. Leland was quiet for a few minutes. His jaw rested against your temple, both of your heads turned towards the tv, though neither of you were really watching.

Whether he was insecure of them, or if they were still tender, or if they reminded him of the past, or, hell, all of it- they didn't change the way you saw him. Didn't change the way you loved him. You were with him to be with him, every part of him that you could manage to get a hold of. It was okay that he kept some things locked away.

You didn't understand, but you knew why. It was hard. Too difficult for him to remain cheerful when he thought about it. Too difficult to be perfect. Too difficult to feel like he was doing the right thing.

"I know you're hurt."

You couldn't stop yourself.

"I know I'm not ever gonna understand like you do. I know we're always gonna be distant. I know you don't like thinking about it."

But...

"I still love you. It was in the past. And I love you for your past, Lee. And I love you for our future, too. And- I love you right now, in the present."

He stayed quiet, though he leaned against your head a little more, his arm bringing you a bit closer.

"I think they're handsome. And... they're you, so I love them. I love every part of you. Even the scary parts, or the sad parts, or the parts you think are ugly. I love all of you."

At last, you looked up at him, just as he brought a hand to his cheek, wiping away a stray tear. His lip trembled as he looked down at you, but they trembled into a smile, a sad one, like a kicked puppy, but a smile nonetheless. You raised a hand too, cupping his jaw and brushing your thumb under his eye, which pulled a broken chuckle from him, and he sniffled, closing his eyes and shaking his head.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Please, don't be," he replied, his voice cracking as he leaned into your palm, fighting to hold back. You scooted back, and he followed you, laying his head against your shoulder, a soft whine escaping him as he cried.

"I'm always gonna be here. I'm not gonna run. Not gonna leave you for your past. I- I just love you, Leland." Your arms wrapped around his neck as you held him close, resting your chin on his head as he cried, and you gently hushed him, doing your best to reassure.

He didn't often cry. Not to you. Sometimes, on his own time, or when you were pretending to be asleep, you could hear him. But he didn't want to push any of his weight onto you. Didn't want to burden you.

"I can shoulder some of it, y'know. Just cause you can lift a lot of weight doesn't mean you need to do it alone," you hummed, your words lighthearted despite being completely genuine. "I'm right here. I'm here to do it together. Here to be here- here to be yours."

You didn't expect a reply, but he gave one, weak and pained, snagging on his tears, an "I love you," short but sweet. You hugged him closer, leaning down to kiss another scar on the top of his back, and he didn't ask you not to, he didn't flinch, he just let it happen.

"You're perfect, Lee. Scars and all."

[traumatizeddfox]

hey! i just found ur blog and i was wondering if i could ask u some questions?

tw abuse? maybe?

recently my friends have been trying to tell me that my family(mostly my older brother) had been abusive to me based on some of the stories ive told them about how my bro used to hit me and stuff. in my head what happened was completely normal and i even joked about it. i was always told that it wasnt a big deal and that older brothers are just like that or that it was my fault for "poking the bear" and that he did it because he didnt know how to show that he loved me. i never really thought about it as weird until my friends started saying it wasn't normal? i been thinking about it and i know that siblings can be mean to each other but i feel like it crossed a line when i stopped fighting back hoping he would get bored if i never gave him a reaction. ive felt so upset with my family for a long time and god i want to leave and live by myself but thats not an option for another year or so. i know that parents screaming at their kids every day isnt normal and older brothers constantly hurting their little siblings isnt normal but i just cant stop thinking that im being overdramatic and unfair to them. i feel like im being manipulative whenever i try to tell people about it because its fine and it really was my fault. even saying that sounds really manipulative though! i dont want to give people the wrong idea and i dont know how to say this right

my family has done so much for me theyre lovely people and i know i love them so why do i keep flinching when theyre in the room and why do i feel so paranoid that someones mad at me? i just want to get away from everything

i feel so guilty i should be more grateful to them

i cant get my head around this and i honestly dont know what to think at this point so any advice you have would be greatly appreciated

sorry for the long ask and i hope ur doing well

-🌧️🌧️🌧️

for many victims we don’t even register it’s not normal because to us the abuse is normal because it’s all we know. it’s pretty common for victims to not realize they were abused until years later or until we tell someone who think it was normal

ur family can still do nice things for you but they can also still be abusive. u most likely flinch because that’s your body remembering the abuse. our body, our muscles and our nervous system can remember but our mind does not.

don’t feel guilty for feeling this way it’s normal to feel confused by abuse because it’s not always black and white either!! depending on ur age i would see if you could stay with someone else or live with friends (but i also know this isn’t always possible.)

[yandere-plague]

Hello! Am I able to request a platonic yandere tf2 merc (of your choice) with a friend or family member who they find out is hired by the other team? If you’re comfortable with writing it :)

Sure!

Imma write this assuming you have had no contact or have fallen out with Sniper.

This is really bad,I'm sorry , I ran out of ideas.

Mundy, your older brother.

You had no idea you would see him again, not like this.

You never really got along with him growing up, and his sudden disappearance to work at some job didn't make it any easier.

You got offered a job out of the blue, some woman in a purple dress thought that you would be the perfect (class) for the Blu team.

In reality you should have asked questions, stopped and asked about the job. But the high pay and greed took over you.

You took the bus to a nearby small village as per requested from "Pauling".

She had to meet some Woman to gather intel, about what you honestly couldn't tell.

After meeting up with her she drove you to the base.

She had already informed the others of a new (class) arriving.

"Oh, and uh, before I go. Just, don't think about the other teams (class), it'll make sense."

You were confused sure but just shrugged it off, maybe its part of one of those NDAs you signed.

After you met and greeted everyone on your team it was time for battle.

The hanger door opened, scout rushed ahead and everyone followed put.

The enemy team fired straight away, heavy and medic stuck together. While spy and soldier pissed off somewhere.

The sniper was your target, as long as you could get to him before being seen, then your team could kill the rest and you could capture the control point easily.

You walked up the creaky wooden stairs, trying not to make much noise.

You peaked your head round the corner, the Sniper in clear view.

He looks so familiar, huh- oh.

"Mick..."

He flinched, narrowly missing your teams Heavy. Nobody knew his real name.

He swiftly turned his head toward you, eyes widening.

"Oh my god."

He put down his Rifle, hugging you.

"(Y/n)?! How did you? When-"

"I got here recently, first mission, better question is, WHAT are YOU doing here?!" You glared at him, sure you missed the shit out of him. But the fact that you never got to say goodbye really stuck with you.

"Im sorry, I- I got this job offer out of nowhere, I couldn't refuse it, I dont know why, I'm sorry. Again."

You sighed and looked down. Grimacing at the yellow jars on the floor.

"Same."

He took of his hat, putting it next to his rifle.

You both just stood in silence, the ambiance of the battle making the situation kind of awkward.

"You shouldn't be here."

You looked at him in confusion.

"Why? Just because your little (bro/sis) is here? So you could piss off and leave without a trace?"

"No I- thats not what I meant." He out his hat back on, fumbling with it.

"Then what?"

He fumbled for an explanation, before searching for something on him.

"What are you doing?"

"Im looking for- ah." He pulled out a Tranquilliser Dart.

"A tranq dart? What are you planning to do with... that." The realisation hitting you like a bullet.

(Okay I've got up to this point and I've honestly lost all hope with this ;_;)

(It would have ended with him kidnapping you and being tied in his van)

[blushblushheadcanons]

♡ Nimh, Volks & Kelby Yandere Headcanons ♡

TW: emotional/mental manipulation and abuse, borderline physical abuse, mentions of self-harm, this is a yandere post idk what else yall expect just be careful reading it ty

Nimh

oh god get ready for a lot of emotional manipulation

He doesn't mean to, he just honestly believes he can't live without you

Not above hurting himself if it means you feel pity for him and stay by his side out of guilt

Doesn't know what privacy means

What do you mean you want time alone? ... do you not like him anymore? please he'll do whatever it takes, please don't leave, he's sorry if he did something to upset you he promises he didn't mean to just please-

If you do manage to leave his side, he literally won't stop messaging you. It gets more and more desperate the longer you're away

"I miss you <3" "Are you coming home soon?" "It gets really lonely without you here" "I should've just tagged along" "Y/N please" "I can't stand this anymore please please just come home", 26 missed calls.

Other than that he's pretty passive. Not really a conflict guy so hurting or killing the people you're close to won't be something you have to worry about (though the thoughts of it do appear every now and then)

On the other hand, hurting you is something that never even crossed his mind. He'd never do anything to you out of malice, no matter how bad he might feel

He makes you really question your sanity

You have a feelings something's wrong, seriously wrong, but it's Nimh! He's so nice! He couldn't do anything bad to you

...Right?

Danger level: 2/10

Volks

Hates hates hates when he sees you talking to someone else. It gets his blood boiling

Friends, family, doesn't matter. Why are you paying attention to them and not him?

Any guy he sees as a rival (so like... any guy that literally just looks at you) is probably getting their ass beat

I don't think he would actually kill someone

That said, it doens't mean he wouldn't beat them within an inch of their life

He does it in the most painful way he can think of, too. Wouldn't be surprised if the person would actually wish he just killed them already

If you also like girls, he wouldn't get physically aggressive, settling for just threatening them into leaving you alone instead

Wants to know where you're going, with who and exactly when you'll be back

Take 2 minutes more than you told him you would and he's already texting and calling you nonstop

"Where the fuck are you?" "What's taking so long?" "Stay right were you are, I'm coming to pick you up"

Wouldn't physically hurt you, but unconciously makes you afraid that he will because of his temper and behavior

Punching the wall right beside your head, throwing things around, trapping you in a corner while screaming at you

Feels extremely guilty when he sees you flinching

Holds you close (whether you want it or not) and promises you he would never do anything to hurt you

Even if he can't emotionally manipulate you into forgiving him, you're still too afraid to actually breakup with him

God knows what he'll do to you

Danger level: 8/10

Kelby

Dont make me do this to my boy

* sigh * okay, here we go

Your approval is literally everything to him

Absolutely humiliates himself if that means he'll get you to laugh at his stupid quips

Such a showoff if you decide to watch one of his games. That actually makes him mess up a lot since he's more focused on you than anything else

Very self deprecating so that you'll compliment him

Treasures anything that you give him like it's the best gift he ever got, no matter what it is

Honestly I can see him having kind of a shrine of you in his room, with every gift you gave him and a few photos of you two (and some he took while you weren't looking. He feels extremely guilty but can't seem to throw them away.)

He refuses to call it that, the thought making him feel like a creep. It's just easier to pile up your things in a specific spot rather than having them splattered around his room. Yup. That's all there is to it.

While he's normally rather self assured, it all goes down the drain once he starts having feelings for you, becoming painfully aware of every flaw he has

Would change literally everything about him if he thinks that it would get you to like him more

Doesn't think about hurting you or anyone around you. He doesn't really get jealous, more so self concious, like he's not good enough for you

After all he's just a stupid, good-for-nothing moron. Why would you be with him? You deserve so much better

Oh, you don't think so? Then convince him of it.

Danger level: 1/10

[that-foul-legacy-lover]

Childe's mind was fuzzy. He could tell he was in his Foul Legacy form, but... why did he feel like this then? Usually he was coherent... he tried his best to remember, his very hardest. Yes.. something about... abyssal overload... danger.. this form... limited time... vaguely something that made him realize he shouldn't be in this form right now. Theres a threatening feeling thrumming in his head. It stings, the fear. He keeps wandering to Szchenaya in his thoughts. His family. He can smell something, something herbal and humid, and it doesn't feel right. He wants to squirm away, but it's all around. He thinks about family, about home. If you could call it thinking. There were no words behind it, only want and fear. He shudders. Where was he again? He can only think about where he wasn't.

He can hear someone talking. The voice is unfamiliar at first, but it sets in that he knows this person. He tries his best to listen to the words being said. "...Childe? Can you hear me? Hmm. Its no use..." Childe? he knows that, hes pretty sure. But he can't exactly tell what it's referring to even if it sounds familiar. "....Maybe I should go check if I have any tea from Sczhenaya.." Childe flinches, and it feels like his mind is clear for a moment. Zhongli pauses. "It would seem that perhaps a reconnection to nostalgia would improve your condition? Hm." Childe hears footsteps, and then distant sound.

Footsteps are heard to him again, after.. he's not really certain how long. Suddenly, he can find the scent of what he longs for. It reminds him of time inside after the snow, a tea warm and potent and unlike any of the herbs in Liyue. "Childe." He finally looks up. "Here. Try and drink." Childe reaches out to the cup, but his talons only knock it out of Zhongli's grasp, and Childe suddenly yanks his arm away back under the covers at the hot liquid.

"Ah..! Well... that's fine. This still gives me an idea."

-

A sudden rain pattered over the open walkways of Liyue outside, but you might not even of noticed if the knock at your door hadn't drawn you to front door. That was weird. You hadn't planned for anyone to come over. You carefully open the door, a little hesitant. You didn't want to have to talk to a stranger. "Hello?"

"Yes. It's me, Zhongli. I apologize for the sudden intrusion, but I have an urgent request."

-chain link anon

this was based off a recent Drabble of yours- id be more specific, but I can't recall if it had a title or was any distinct au.... sorry if Zhongli is out of character, I honestly dont know him that well.

!!! oh this. this is beautiful. and don't worry!! i think you characterized Zhongli just fine :D i believe i know which post you're referring to!! it's this one :)

but my word i love this- imagine you answer the door and reveal Zhongli and you're a little confused, because it's decently late at night and Zhongli prefers to visit during the day, but you're happy to see him anyways because he's your friend so you open the door wider for him

but he doesn't come in, merely stands outside and asks you to follow him- it's urgent. your confusion grows and you take a step back at Zhongli's tone, so he holds up his hands to calm you. "Please, don't be alarmed." he pauses, testing his words. "Childe needs your help- perhaps you know him? you're both from Snezhnaya" it's a shoddy excuse at best, but he doesn't want to reveal how much Childe talked about his "old friend"

you furrow your brow, because you're pretty sure you don't know anyone named Childe, and Zhongli sighs

"Or perhaps you know him as Tartaglia?"

your heart stops, and Zhongli grimaces at your horrified expression, watching it morph from awful shock to cold dislike. "What could he want from me?" you ask through clenched teeth, and Zhongli shakes his head

"Not want. Need. Please, come with me" and his tone makes you step outside and walk with him. when you reach his house he looks around before ushering you inside and pulling you to a room in the back, where you're met face-to-face with a beast, armored and sharp-looking. you try to scramble backwards but run straight into Zhongli, who puts his hands on your shoulders and gently pushes you towards the creature. you stand, shaking, as it looks at you, blinks in shock- inches over to you and carefully presses its head into your chest with a deep rumble. you... it's you, he's sure of it, he'd recognize you anywhere, anytime. you smell like home and old dreams, and Childe sighs contently and pulls you into a gentle hug

you look back at Zhongli, who just nods encouragingly, and your hands twitch, itching to shove Childe away and run home. yet you don't, allowing yourself one final hug- to wrap things up, you suppose, in a cruel, mocking way. so you stand in Childe's arms, stiffly listening to him purr in delight as he's reunited with the manifestation of his lost childhood, at last.

[meow-sic]

they accidentally hurt you during an argument 𓍢 ᭡

includes : sakusa , atsumu , iwaizumi x !gn reader

warnings : arguing , fighting , cussing , shouting , accidentally hurting the reader , glass breaking , fainting , blood , mention of drinking

a/n : i’m so sorry sakusa’s is so long lol. i got pretty lazy after iwaizumi’s, so sorry that one is written poorly:(

sakusa kiyoomi

he was beyond irritated today. his head was pounding, his body was sore from practice, and he wanted nothing more than to be alone.

but you were the opposite. and he knew once you he stepped through the door.

you were so excited when he got home! you missed him dearly, he’s been gone longer from practices, and other team bonding things. so, you spent all day making dinner, cleaning the house, and planning a nice day for the two of you!

he groaned as you clinged to his arm, “hi yoomi! hope you had a good day.” you kissed his cheek.

“actually, it wasn’t that good,” he replied in a cold tone. you replied with a small ‘oh.’

“well, actually, i made dinner! i think maybe if it’s an us night it can-“

“can you not bother me tonight? i want to be left alone.” he pushed past you into the kitchen. you quickly followed behind him and gave him a glass of water.

“was it atsumu and hinata aga-“ you try to lighten the air as you smile and watch him drink water.

“y/n, can you please shut you mouth? i said it already, i want to be alone.” he went to fill his water up again.

you scoffed, “excuse me? i’ve prepared dinner for you and cleaned the house so that we could spend our time together.”

he glared at you. “i didn’t ask you to. you did that to yourself. i don’t care if you made dinner. i said i wanted to be alone. is your head to dumb to understand that?”

“yoomi, seriously? are you kidding me! you’re being totally selfish! i’m always alone at night, and in the mornings you’re gone too. and on our days off, you go with the team! it’s like i’m living alone!” you cry, surprised you went off like that.

“me? selfish? do you ever shut your fucking mouth?” he set his glass down and it shattered from the impact. you flinched and gasped.

for the first time, you were scared of your boyfriend.

“sakusa please-“

“please what? calm down? you’re the one who started this mess for nothing! you’re all bark, no bite and that’s it.” he slowly walking towards you as you backed up.

he didn’t even notice your tears, or your cries to calm down, or your unsteady breathing. he was focused on yelling at you to get his point across.

“sometimes i wish i never dated you.” he finishes harshly. you fell on your butt. your hands fell behind you, which your palm cut open on the glass that had shattered.

“please stop!” you yelled, though your voice was wobbly. he took a few deep breaths, and realized what had happened.

you looked at your hand, and your breath stopped at the sight of blood. you and sakusa both knew you fainted at the sight of blood. and with that, your eyes rolled to the back of your head.

—

when you woke up your hand was bandaged. you layed on your bed with an ice pack on your head that was throbbing from sakusa’s yelling. you reached over and drank the water sitting on the nightstand.

the door opened, and when you looked, sakusa was there with soup. you looked away and rolled the other way.

“you’re awake. i made you soup.” he set it on the nightstand and bent down to face you. you turned the other way.

“i’m sorry.” he said. there was and eerie, and awkward silence.

“is that all you’re going to say? after everything you say, that’s your apology?” you replied without looking at him.

“i-“

“sakusa, you really messed up this time.” he winced at his last name. you heard sniffles from behind you, he grabbed the back of your shirt gently.

“please. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have yelled at you, and everything i said was wrong. i appreciate everything you do for me, how you made dinner for me. and even when i’m cold to you, you never give up and always are cheery. i’m sorry for yelling at you, and hurting you.” he was quiet for a second. “i love you.”

you turned towards him and held your arms open. he quickly hugged you back and started to cry. “please don’t leave me.”

“i’m not going to leave you, silly. but yoomi, you can’t treat me like that.”

“i know, i’m so sorry y/n.”

miya atsumu

you were in the bathroom, pulling the shoulder part of your shirt down to see the red mark that atsumu accidentally left. you could barely see it.

you heard three knocks, and a slurred “y/n? please leh-let me in.”

you swallowed the lump in your throat and opened the bathroom door. “tsumu.”

his face was flushed red. his eyes also. you felt bad, leaving him at the bar, but you had to.

“you left me,” his words were slurred you could barely tell what he was saying.

you looked at the floor. “‘tsumu, you started a fight over me. i got hurt,” you showed him the mark.

“i’m sorry baby, here, let me hug you,” he walked towards you but you shook your head.

“no, please ‘tsumu. wanna be alone. i dont- i cant be by you right now,” you tried to push past him.

“let me hug you,” his voice scared you. “no. let me through-“ he wouldn’t listen to anything you said- or tried to say.

he wrapped his arms around you, and lifted you up as he squeezed you. the awful smell of cigarettes and beer made your eyes water. “put me down.”

“all i wanted was a fucking hug from my partner,” his grip tightened as your arms began to weakly punch his arms.

“please let me go, i don’t want to hug you like this,” you cried. but the cries, and pleads were ignored.

“i spend all this time away from you, and when i want a hug-“

“miya, let me go please. i cant breathe,” you sobbed. “you’re scaring me.”

his grip loosened. you stumbled backwards before your teary eyes met his, and pushed past him.

“i’m sorry,” he quickly said.

“i know miya, you said that last time you accidentally hurt me from drinking,” you sniffled.

“are we going to be okay?” he mumbled after a silence.

“not if this keeps up,” he looked up at you. you walked towards him and cupped his cheek. “i love you so so much. but this can’t keep happening tsum.”

he began to cry, “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. please don’t leave me.”

you gently hugged him and let him sob into your shoulder, “i know addictions are hard. and i’m here for you. but you- you can’t keep hurting me.”

iwaizumi hajime

both of you were frustrated at each other. the heat from the summer getting to the both of you, and this was the day you had asked him to help you decorate.

“i just don’t see why we have to do this today,” he mumbled with a nail in his mouth as he hammered in the shelf.

“because, haji, i explained this,” you wiped the sweat from your forehead. “my family is visiting and i want it to be not boring.”

“i don’t think your family would give a shit about these dumb plants,” he mumbled.

you looked up at him. “you know, nobody can understand you when you’re mumbling. say it louder dear! be proud of it,” you were sarcastic, and he wasn’t dealing with you today.

“i don’t think your family would give a shit about your dumb ass plants,” he repeated, his face in yours.

“you’re a dick,” you spat, putting a plant on the shelf.

he continued to mumble about how dumb, and how frustrated he was with decorating. and you wouldn’t have asked for help, honestly, if you knew he would be like this.

“can you stop being so annoying? you’re acting like a child,” you scoffed at him, he looked down at your sitting figure on the floor that was sorting out some things.

“right, i’m the kid when you couldn’t have decorated by yourself,” he replied.

“hajime you’re being a douche! cant you do one thing? all i asked was for you to put up the shelves and hanging plants!” your eyes watered with frustration and sadness.

“you can’t do one thing without me can’t you? i told you not to bother me then you ask for this, and i help and you do nothing. if you’re going to try to make yourself useful then actually do something!” he shouted, knocking a plant over and the pot falling on your hand.

you repeated, “fuck!” as the pain grew. the plant’s pot was now broken and scattered on the floor with the dirt surrounding it.

iwaizumi got off the step stool he was on, and rushed over to you. “i’m sorry, i didn’t- i didn’t mean to knock it over.”

you tugged your hand away from him and went to get stuff to clean your bloody hand. “i know you didn’t mean to. it’s fine.”

he sat you on the toilet and cleaned your wound. “i didnt me-“

“i know you didn’t mean to. it was an accident.”

once he fully wrapped your hand, he kissed your head. “i’ll finish decorating. i shouldn’t have let my emotions get the best of me, and i should’ve been more careful.”

you knew he meant best, and that he truly would never hurt you on purpose.

[stargazer-balladeer]

Them reacting to walking in on their s/o self-harming [Genshin Impact]

Characters Included: Diluc Ragnvindr & Childe

Notes: i cried while making this- 😢 sorry if some makes no sense- hshsh- hope ya’ll like this.

Reader’s Gender: Neutral

Warning: trigger warning for self-harm and depressing stuff.

“... [Y/N]..?”

he honestly doesn’t know what he’ll do, whether or not to comfort you. Seeing you pressing a blade on your wrist, right where your vein is made Diluc freeze. His eyes were wide and blank, staring at the sight of blood pouring out of the freshly-made cuts on your arm and on the pristine white floor. How was he supposed to react to that?

When he finally caught up with his mind, his first instinct is to remove the blade in your hands. He won’t say anything as he gently tries to comfort you by placing his other hand on your cheeks and rubbing it with his thumb. When you stare at his ruby-red eyes, you can see all of the emotions inside them, afterall the eyes are the windows to the soul, right? You can see sadness, shock, disappointment, anger and confusion all jumbled together. It was a mess, he was a mess and so are you.

You couldn’t help but cry in front of him, spouting out apologies after apologies. You couldn’t even understand what you’re trying to say, all you know is that you’re talking nonsense. Diluc stares at you sadly as he shush you gently, he doesn’t need your apologies, he just needs to bandage your wounds.

As he starts to treat your wounds, he notices some old ones as well, scars from your previous attempts. The mere thought of you suffering way before he met you made him wished he met you sooner to prevent this, but alas, even now when both of you are dating, he couldn’t tell you were aching inside. A failure of a boyfriend, he thinks. He didn’t realize how broken you are, despite all of your smiles and laughs, he should’ve seen the hint of sadness behind your smiles. He didn’t realize how you wore thick and long clothing, even on hottest days. Mentally cursing himself as frustrated tears began building up in his eyes.

“Why...? Why didn’t you tell me about this..? Don’t... don’t you trust me..?” Diluc’s voice soft yet so broken, his voice breaking up a few times with how much emotions he’s feeling in the moment. He was lost again, what can he do to make you feel better? Why didn’t you tell him that you’re going through so much pain? Don’t you trust him at all? Tears began leaking out of his eyes at the thought, you also crying at his question, mouth spewing out more apologies. But Diluc doesn’t want your apologies, he’s just wondering why would you do that to yourself?

When you explain to him the reason, Diluc wouldn’t utter another word as he just hugs you after dressing your wounds and bandaging it. His face on the crook of your neck as he sniffles, tears long dried. His hold around you is tight yet not so much, as if afraid that he’ll break you if he holds you too tight. In his eyes, you were fragile like a glass wine. He takes a deep breath, pulling away, putting your foreheads together and staring straight into your eyes filled with love-

“First of, I’m sorry for not being able to see through your smiles and see the pain behind them. I’m sorry for not being there when you’re at your lowest. I’m really sorry that you went through all that. I-.. I can’t erase all your pain and worry. But I can try. Lean on me, trust me, I’ll take care of you, your heart, your soul and your trust. Let me feel your pain and worries, let me in your heart. I promise I’ll try my best to ease the voices of your mind. Because I love you, and I’ll prove it to you over and over again. Don’t ever question my love for you.”

“What do you think you’re doing?”

You can feel it, his eyes bore through your skull as you held the blade close to your chest, about to plunge it inside you. You can feel the heat his eyes are giving you, silently commanding you to put down the blade. Near the doorway, there he stood with crossed arms and narrowed eyes. The mirror reflecting his figure perfectly behind you, your hands started to shake, the blade slipping out of your grasp and onto the tiled floor.

Childe stares at the blade before turning his attention to you, his gaze sharp and his usual coy smile-smirk in a frown, almost a scowl. His bangs covering his eyes slightly, making his blue eyes glow and effectively making him look scary. You can tell that he’s angry, not at you but at what you did.

Mentally, he wished he didn’t witness what he just saw. He wished he could turn back time. But nothing can change what he saw. Why? When? How? Who? So many questions filled his head. Childe knew, a long time ago before he started dating you, that you have scars, scars from your previous self-harming. He thought you stopped. But it seems like his own judgement failed him, he now sees his mistake. He didn’t confront you about it. Now, he suffers the consequence on almost losing you.

He sighed as he starts to walk towards you, his hand reaching out to you. Instinctively, you flinched. His hand stopped before slowly wrapping around your neck, the other wrapping around your waist, hugging you from behind as he kisses your temples. If you look closely, his eyes are glassy. His heart thumping widely in his chest, you could almost hear and feel it, but this thumping isn’t what he wanted to feel. The pit of worry and fear deep in his guts made him anxious and even more scared. His hands began visibly shaking a little, as he chokes back a sob. Since when did he let his guard down? Doesn’t matter as he cries. His thumb rubbing your shoulder part and the other thumb rubbing your waist.

Hearing him struggle to contain his tears, you slowly started to cry as you spew out apologies after apologies. Your hands covering your eyes as you sob your eyes out. He could feel his heart break at the sound of your cries, his arms around you tightened as he squeezed his eyes shut. He shushes you gently as he lets out words that are incoherent and almost random. His mind jumbled so he couldn’t really think straight as he just spews out whatever comes out of his mouth- “hey, you’re okay, right?” “dont cry shhh” “zhongli would kill me if he sees you crying” “he might make me eat with chopsticks for the rest of my life” “I’m a fatui harbinger, the eleventh of the ranks, so why am I crying so pitifully here-“ (yeah,, even i couldn’t understand what he’s trying to say here-)

Childe would stay like that before letting you go and picking you up, bridal-style and bringing you to the bedroom. He lets you sit on edge of the bed before going back to the bathroom. After throwing the blade away (mentally taking note to hide all the knives from your sight-), he came back with a first-aid kit and started cleaning the wounds you inflict on the arms. Yes, you have wounds in your arms, which honestly scared him a little.

He doesn’t speak, neither did you. Silence surrounded you two as he continued to dress your wounds, eyes eyeing the previous scars. He can feel his heart dropping even more when he sees more scars in your thighs and such. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he bandages your arms. After he did all that, you were about to explain to him and apologize when he pulled you in a tight hug. His left hand behind your head and the other around your back, squeezing you slightly.

“I won’t ask why you did that, but I want to know who. Who did this to you? Was it your parents? Was it the people around you? Was it.. me? or... was it... yourself..?” Childe shakily lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry for not helping you through it when its my responsibility as your partner. I’m sorry for not talking you through it when I already knew it from the start and when I see the signs. I won’t promise that I’ll be able to take away all of your pain. But you can lean on me right? I might be a Fatui Harbinger, might’ve killed plenty of people and might’ve started a couple of fights, but I am your lover first and foremost. Above all else, your happiness and safety is what I cater the most. Well, you know, except for my family because well.. their my family. Anyways the point is, lean on me, believe me when I say that I’ll love and take care of you. Through the rest of our years, I’ll be your stone, I’ll be your shield, I’ll be your everything. Tell me all your worries and woes, I’ll listen to every thing. I do love and adore you, my [Y/N].”

[x] Main Page

[sxfik]

I have an idea!

Ok so we all know that Hanseo is abused by his big brother, and if i remember correctly, the jipuragi trio found out about it from the guillotine file for the first time.

Now hear me out, what if the jipuragi trio found out about the abuse from Hanseo himself, not from the guillotine file??

After failing to burn down geumga plaza, Hanseok threw that object at Hanseo, telling him not to dodge it, and it left a scar on his forehead. When Hanseo visited jipuragi, he seemed proud of that scar, right?? Because thats what he got from saving geumga plaza, and he hoped that the scar would show them that he wants to be on their side.

BUT lets forget about all those stuff for a moment.

Hanseok loves to strangle, threaten, and hit Hanseo with the hockey stick. It certainly happens more than once, so i figured that there must be a bunch of scars and bruises on his body right?? What if the jipuragi trio noticed one of his scars/bruises?? I know Hanseo always wear long-sleeved stuff, so its not exactly visible, but what if someone caught a glimpse of it??? Perhaps the scar/bruise was on his arm???

Maybe when Hanseo visits jipuragi, Vincenzo asks him to wash some coffee mugs, and as Hanseo is rolling up his sleeves...

"yo whats that on your arm??"

And maybe Hanseo is like "thats a bruise..? Do you not know what a bruise is??"

Okay, idk. I have no idea how he's gonna react if that happens. I just feel like Hanseo wouldnt be proud of his scars if he didnt get them from trying to save geumga/jipuragi people.

And now im just wondering, what do you think? How would Hanseo react, in your opinion? If the jipuragi trio really did find out about the abuse from Hanseo himself, how would that affect their relationship? Im really curious about what you think

Hhhhhhhh sorry if its too long. I just thought that this might be a good way for Hanseo and jipuragi to kinda get closer with each other...

han seo headcanons (part one)

helloooo, thank you for sending an ask in :D

SORRY this answer is super long and for some reason my phone isn't allowing me to add a keep reading cut thingy, apologies in advance to the amount scrolling you have to do

tw: abuse

i've been thinking so much about this ask and just how han-seo would react to them finding out, and honestly i never really took note of how many long sleeved shirts he wears. i believe han-seok has switched a lot more into emotional manipulation and abuse than physical abuse but he has a lot of anger issues. i'd honestly imagine him using han seo as a punching bag for any and every inconvinence that happens to him, even as an intern.

i also agree with you, han seo is someone who is a very bright personality who tends to hide his hurt and emotions, and he's very very good at it as he has been living under a psychopath his whole life. he's good at hiding his anger (although it definetly bubbles over in smaller outbursts) and especially his hurt (i.e. the scene that han seok throws that candle holder at him and he just smiles back). han seo has a lot of anger at himself for not speaking back or being able to act like himself. like in that scene in the office, you can tell as he curls his fist that he wanted to speak back so badly. even when he finally snaps against han seok, he said "i'm getting tired of being afraid of you." i feel like he'd be embarrassed that even after years, he hasn't been able to escape his abuse

next>

(you can also read the following on ao3)

i feel like this scene and their dynamic would play out something similar to this:

han seo joined the team and has been working with vincenzo and cha-young for around a month. at this point han seo isn't walking on eggshells with both of them, he's a lot more comfortable and visiting their office regularly without choi/han/han seok finding out.

sometimes it's vincenzo and cha-young providing him books to study economics from, maybe even giving some brotherly/sisterly advice to him. every couple weeks, vin and cha-young give him quizzes and slowly, he's getting better and better

over time, he even got closer to the plaza residents (even though the residents were definetly cold to him in the beginning, miri scaring the shit out of him by doing her ghost thing, the lady with the lipstick from bye bye balloon staring him down, snack bar lady refusing to serve him, larry also scaring the shit out of him by doing his zombie routine)

but despite this, they adopt him into their family, han seo doing small errands for the residents, him buying the best coffee, food and getting camera equipment for the snack bar lady's son. han seo gifting the pawnshop couple with cute baby items etc.

(obviously he buys the most expensive shit bc he's still a rich boy, but they dont have to know)

(side note: he'd be fucking adorable with a baby, imagine him being the babies "uncle han seo" who gets them the best gifts !!)

even though he was comfortable with all of them, every once in a while his facade would slip.

every once in a while, someone would make a sharp movement towards him and he'd flinch. or if someone makes a quick step towards him, he'd back up and stiffen up on instinct

even if it was someone patting his back or just making a quick movement, he'd react on instinct from the years of abuse from han seok. but no one ever said anything about it if they noticed.

one afternoon after lunch, they were washing dishes, han seo on washing duty and cha-young drying and placing them back. and han seo was in his full sleeves and cha-young notices his sleeves getting wet

"yah, roll your sleeves back, by the end of this your whole sleeve will be wet! you know how uncomfortable those sleeves would be?"

"ahaha, it's alright noona, i'll be fine"

han seo tries to laugh it off, grining at her with one of his wide grins but there's something off about this one. but cha-young gives one of her patented glares and he rolls them up carefully, shielding his arms from her view, and continues washing the rest.

cha-young doesn't take note of his bruises at first, but noted the care he went through to shield his arms from her. his arms were posed almost awkwardly and he was on high alert

it wasn't until after they both finished and he was drying his hands that cha-young saw the massive bruises he had, climbing up his forearms and under the sleeves

he stiffens when he sees her stare, and quickly tries to cover them but she grabs them before he could hide it

she's completely quiet while she stares at his arms. after a moment, he speaks up

"oh i accidentally banged these against my doorway, they're just small bruises. it's go away in a couple days" he smiles at her again but she could tell from the way his shoulders were frozen and the wavering of his voice that it wasn't the truth

"did he do these?" she asked him, her face completely neutral and her voice barely a whisper. she's still looking at his forearms, her fingers ghosting over the bruises.

han seo just looks down and the silence is enough of an answer for cha-young. he walks away, embarrassed that she found out about it, even though his years of therapy told him that it wasn't never his fault, he still felt the shame and anger of not being able to break free.

he's quiet for the rest of the time, feigning tiredness and finding an excuse to leave the plaza

that night, it was just vincenzo and her working at the office late, in preparation for babel. cha-young's mind was still on what she saw that afternoon. abruptly, she stands up, her hand gripping the pen in her hand as she turned to vincenzo sitting at the other desk.

"did you know that bastard hurt him? he's been abusing han seo this whole time?" she asked vincenzo, her voice seething with anger

"i know."

"you know??? why didn't you ever say anything?"

vincenzo looks up at her from his stack of papers, setting his pen down.

"it wasn't my place. i picked up on it when he flinched when mr. tak reached toward him to place a hand on his shoulder."

cha-young sat back down then, her lips pressed together, and vin went back to his paperwork

"we should get him out of there. who knows what han seok would do in one of his rages?"

"couple nights ago, we went to drink makgeolli and i offered him a way out. i told him if he ever needs to leave, and if he's ready to leave, he has a place at the plaza."

"and is he? leaving that is?"

"no. he thanked me, but said that he needed to stay until his brother and his group crumbles to the ground."

cha-young let out a sigh, biting her lip, the worry on her face all too evident

"hong cha-young byeonosa-nim, we shouldn't baby him. jang han seo deserves revenge against his brother just like we do and the choice is ultimately up to him."

"i know. i just worry."

they stayed quiet for the rest of the night, working late but the topic never leaves cha-young or vincenzo's minds

the next day, han seo avoided her like the plague, not wanting to talk about what she saw yesterday

but while he was studying, she approached him, a glass of juice and a snack in hand, setting it next to him. she checked over his work quietly as he took a break and glanced at his arms, doing a once over just to make sure he didn't get any new ones.

"well done, han seo, you're doing well" she smiled at him and ruffled his hair and han seo let out a breath of relief and gratefulness that she hadn't treated him any different

from then, cha-young and vin only got fonder of han seo and han seo was pretty much adopted by them. after the battle and han seok is in jail permanently, he moves out of his apartment, and gets one closer to the plaza.

mr. nam would show him how the organization worked at jipuragi and put him to work, the paralegal grateful to have an extra hand around the office

eventually, even han seo grows an affection to the instant coffee and buys more for himself and his apartment

vin would take him shopping for suits, both rich boys obsessed with their sleek looks. they take cha-young with them once but she manages to sleep off at every shop they go to.

vincenzo also plays hockey with him regularly and the plaza invites him to plaza game nights. they get up to all kinds of mischief,

han seo loves spicy food, just like cha-young so they make it their mission to go to try every restaurant and compete to see just how much spice they can handle. obviously vincenzo doesn't even make it past the first round of the spice competitions but cha-young and han seo have the same competitive streak that keeps them going

han seo is also dropping hints to both of cha-young and vincenzo that they should get married. constantly teasing vincenzo about cha-young in the way only younger brothers do

obviously on one of cha-young and han seo’s days out, han seo drops hints CONSTANTLY, trying to get her to admit cha young likes vincenzo

and OBVIOUSLY she slips up, and han seo doesn’t let go of it

he does the whole younger brother teasing every single time he catches cha-young glancing at vincenzo at the firm

“cha-young noona and vin hyung, sitting in a tree. K I S S I N—” “HAN SEO!!!”

obviously chayenzo eventually get together but decide to keep it a secret (and of course, they were awful at it)

eventually when they reveal it to the office, mr. nam and han seo react like that one scene in suspicious partner (“quick, act surprised” “*gasp* you guys are together??????? we had no idea!!”)

han seo is basically adopted as a younger brother to both cha-young and vincenzo and even the plaza loves his presence and he gets to have a peaceful existence for the rest of his life

anyways han seo deserves a happy ending with a good family. he deserves a second chance with a family that LOVES AND CARES FOR HIM AND GIVES HIM CHOICES AND ALLOWS HIM TO BE HIMSELF. (and yes this covered more than just one scene but I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS ON HIM) as always feel free to add on :D

[ms-indifferwnt]

I'm Cold (Lee Donghyuck x Reader)

"I'm cold"

"And?"

"Can't you give me your jacket or something?"

"Can't you accept my proposal and marry me already?"

In which Prince Donghyuck's parents are forcing him to get married and he decided to propose to the first girl he sees to shut his parents up

Genre: Prince!Lee Donghyuck x Maid!Reader, Angst, Fluff, Arranged Marriage (kinda), Slowburn

Warnings: Curse words, Suggestive (I'll add more if there are)

Word Count: 2.6k

Notes: Chapter 2 of Im Cold. Dont be shy and drop and ask, I love answering them hehe

Prev / Chapter 2 / Next

"And she said No" Donghyuck huffed taking a swig of his alcohol, while the boy opposite him started laughing at the story, "Don't," he says pointing a finger at him "Don't laugh at me, Mark Lee"

He snorts and takes a sip of his drink before replying "Well you deserved it, did you think she'll agree?" he pints out and sighs, running his fingers through his hair "You're fortunate enough that she didn't refuse your advances in front of everyone"

Donghyuck groaned and glared at Mark "You're supposed to be on my side"

"I'm on nobody's side"

"What a lucky bitch nobody must be"

"Think about it, other than the maid of the royal family, she has a life of her own, with people she adores and people who adore her right back," he points at Prince Donghyuck's chest "You suddenly pulling that stunt, is only making it harder for her, so be a little bit more," he thinks of the right word "Sympathetic"

Hyuck nods, playing with the liquid in his glass as Mark stands up to leave "Don't leave me," Hyuck accuses "Stay here till the sun rises"

"And why should I do that?"

"Because if Jeno and Jaem find out they're going to yell at me, if Renjun finds out he'll laugh at me, Chenle and Jisung are underaged to drink and Lucas Hyung is talking to his Fiancé"

Mark raises an eyebrow unamused by the younger's words

"Y/n is asleep on my bed," he answers honestly this time, relenting to the older's stare "I told her to sleep there and made an excuse that my parents might walk in and wonder why she is asleep on the sofa, so I waited till she slept before leaving her there to rest, you know like a gentleman"

Mark hums and sits back down "And what do I have to do with this?"

"I can use you as an excuse as to why I'm not in the room"

"Ok," Mark rolls his eyes and nods "Then why ask me to come here at Eleven in the evening if you just wanted her to be alone in the bed?"

"She slept at Eleven!" He shot back "she was on her phone for two hours, giggling to herself, whoever she was talking to is making her all giddy"

"Maybe she has a boyfriend or talking to her friends how dumb their prince is," Mark added "that's why she wouldn't accept you, none the less, at least try to be a bit more considerate on how she is feeling"

       "Morning" was the first thing Y/n heard when she woke up, don't get her wrong, she wakes up early cause of her job, but she also knows that the prince rises even earlier cause he loves the sunrise and when she opened her eyes that's where he was, by the window, letting the sun coat him in light making him glow, his black hair styled to perfection, his dress shirt wrapped snugly against his body, the tailor did a splendid job on this one, his trousers and unbuttoned blazer giving off a casual look. For a moment she sat there in awe, he was beautiful, absolutely breathtaking that it takes all her strength to look away "Go get ready, we're returning home after breakfast" he points at a dress beside the bed, that she hasn't noticed, and we have the prince to blame for that

The dress was a red, more pastel-like, giving off an innocent vibe, Off-shoulder vintage style is what she would describe it "What about that dress, Prince?"

"It's yours," He said and looked at her "If anyone  asks tell them I gave it as a gift to you on your birthday" she blushes and shakes her head, opening her mouth to speak if only he didn't cut her off "Gifts are meant to be accepted, love, so accept the dress, it's yours now"

Just as he spoke a maid entered the room bowing to the prince "Your Highness," She faces Y/n and immediately recognizes her, it was one of the new maids in Prince Donghyuck's Kingdom, She remembers to cause this girl was supposed to be under her wing "Milady"

Y/n gasps and looks at the girl in shock "Hana" She says and shakes her head

The prince walks towards Hana, petting her hair, "Speak casually to her, it's alright" He smiles and nods at the dress "Take care of her, see you in the dining hall my love" he says, taking her hand to kiss her knuckles and leaves the room

Y/n looks at the younger maid who looks at her in awe "Pardon me for my rudeness, Milady,"

"Y/n is fine"

She smiles "Lady Y/n, you of all people know how loved the prince is" she squeals excitedly "everyone in the palace were so excited with the news, so many girls envy you you know"

Y/n smiles softly "The prince and I aren't really dating" she replied and shook her head

"Milady please don't be so modest," She says and stood up to take the dress "wow such a pretty dress," she breathed "Where did you get this Milady?"

She sighs and stood up "The Prince gave it to me" she replies and Hana immediately assisted her "I'm ok, you don't have to help me"

She pouts "It is my job"

       Entering the dining hall all dressed up in the dress is Y/n's first, she looks at Prince Donghyuck who smiles and nods as Prince Jaemin stands to greet the new incomer

"Y/n" he smiles and takes her hand to kiss her knuckles "You look lovely," HE praises "Is that from Hyuck?" A shy nod leaves her and Prince Jaemin smiles slyly at the boy who was watching him and the girl, Jaemin raised a hand and waved him off, Yes, I know she's your bride I won't do anything, it meant.

But in all honesty, Prince Donghyuck was just watching to see if Jaemin was about to do anything that isn't approved by Y/n, he was just worried. She hasn't even agreed to marry him yet.

Prince Jaemin squeezes Y/n's hand so she'll look at him "Don't be shy Y/n," he replies and a smile coats his features "I'm sure Hyuck told you to wear that cause he was excited the secret is out and he can spoil you"

Y/n's eyes widened opening her mouth to speak but Prince Jaemin spoke first "He said this was a gift on your anniversary" he said excitedly leading her to her seat beside Prince Donghyuck

Prince Lucas nodded "What did you get him Y/n?

She was about to reply only to be spoken over by Prince Donghyuck "Can you not?" he asked Prince Lucas, wrapping a protective arm around her waist, making her flinch as he leans down to whisper in her ear making it look like he was keeping her close "Don't say a word"

She obeyed

       Arriving at the palace a little before noon she was greeted by Maids and butlers, ready to assist Prince Donghyuck in whatever he might need

He holds her hand, "follow me" he instructed and lead her through the palace and people, "mother says this is your room now" he informs and sits on the bed

"My prince" she quickly denies and shakes her head "I cannot accept, this is insane"

He laughs and shakes his head "The room is yours, get some rest, my parents took the liberty to fill your closet" he replies and stands up against the door, his hand on the door "Get some sleep, you must've been stressed" he opens the door and leaves

Y/n watches him leave still not done disagreeing with The Royal Families instructions, it wasn't fair, she and the prince aren't dating, they're not engaged, she doesn't deserve this

She sits down on the bed to open the drawer on the white vanity beside her and gasped, in it were different designs of accessories, she couldn't help but become completely enchanted, taking them one by one to examine them.

A beautiful (birthstone) ring was the first thing she saw, taking it and examining it, watching the intricate details swirl and curve around the ring. Next, she saw a pretty and plane necklace, it was a diamond gem, a choker sized necklace that if she wore the gem being pressed right between her collar. While holding the necklace she stands, going to the closet to see the overwhelming amount of dresses, taking them out to carefully inspect and admire them placing one after the other on the soft mattress of the bed, finding comfort on the cold floor right at the floor of the bed, she leans her head against the matress as she thinks, I have to tell them.

She sighs softly, this was all new and stressful and even if the gifts were beautiful, she feels guilty, these weren't for her  they were for Prince Donghyuck's Fiance, she frustratingly ran her fingers through her hair, and closed her eyes at the on coming headache

She didn't mean it, she only meant to close her eyes for a minute, to only rest for a couple of seconds, she didn't mean to be cooped up in the room for a two hour nap, she didn't mean to fall asleep still holding the necklace that when Prince Donghyuck entered to ask her if she wanted to accompany him only to see her asleep, she didn't mean for him to lift her and place her under the covers, she didn't mean for him to clean up the mess she made while she explored the room, she didn't even know it happened 'till she woke up

Opening her eyes and realizing that this wasn't where she fell asleep, she sat up in shock, what happened? who entered the room? Somebody cleaned up? She got cut from her thoughts when she noticed a letter on the vanity table from the prince herself

Dear Y/n,

I hope you didn't mind, I placed you on the bed, you'll get a stiff neck at the position you were on. Rest well, You deserved, the whole ordeal must've been stressful, I know you wanna talk to me, I have a free schedule later around 7 pm, eat dinner with me and lets talk

Lots of love,

Lee Donghyuck :)

Y/n's mouth drops open in shock, he was the one that placed her on the bed, did he clean to? please tell me the prince didn't clean up the mess she made. She stood up only to be greeted by Hana as she opens the door

"You're awake, Milady" She smiles and sorts through the closet before Y/n could even process what was happening "Prince Donghyuck has suggested this to be your outfit for the rest of the day Milady"

She blinks, "Um, no thank you, I'm ok with what I'm wearing" She says and moves to go out the door when Hana stops her

"Milady you can't be seen wearing the same thing twice," She reasons holding the dress up so she can see

Y/n examined the dress, it was simple more simple than the red vintage dress she was currently wearing, it was a long dress hat would reach her ankles, the material light and seemed light and cottony, sleeves reaching the wrists, and a cute bow by the collar. It was just a simple casual sundress that had its own belt, she nods and sighs "ok fine, I'll go change"

       She walks through the halls of the palace, going to the tea room, where Hana has informed her where Prince Donghyuck was. Upon arriving she realized that not only was Prince Donghyuck in the room so was the Queen and someone she hasn't seen a long time

"Donghyuck where is Y/n?" the queen asks and looks by the door, making Y/n hide behind the door, "Should we fetch someone to get her?"

Donghyuck was quick to shake his head and deny his mother's suggestion "She's probably asleep let her rest"

The boy she hasn't seen in years smiled happily at the conversation "Hyuck sounds like a caring fiancé its amusing" he laughs and teases Doghyuck with a sly grin "is she the one wearing blue by the door way?"

Y/n froze around the same time, Prince Donghyuck and the queen turn their heads to look "Y/n?" Donghyuck asks

Revealing herself, cheeks slightly tinted red at being caught she bows in greeting "I'm sorry," she replies looking down in embarrassment

Prince Donghyuck stands to hold her hand and land a kiss on her knuckles "Don't be, my love" he says and leads her to sit beside him with her still frozen from the nickname and the action,  "Did you sleep well?"

the boy from earlier giving her tea "I have honestly never seen Donghyuck so smitten," he teases and smiles at her "Nice to finally meet you, Lady Y/n"

She shakes her head and stands "No please, Lord Taeyong" she quickly denies "Don't address me by a title have no right over"

A smile lands on his lips "I like you" he says and pats Donghyuck's back "I approve if her, good job" he stands and bows "I'm afraid I shall keep you calling that Milady, it suits you" he winks and Donghyuck, gently pulls Y/n to sit down "Your Highness" Taeyong speaks to the Queen "After you, I think the two of them would like to have the room for themselves"

The queen giggled, nodding "Oh Taeyong, I was just about to suggest that, you're a lot like my brother in law has anyone ever told you that?"

"I'm afraid so, My Queen" he laughs "He is my father" was the last thing you could hear from the conversation before it faded away and into the hallway

Y/n wasn't paying attention to the Marquees or the Queen only to be focusing on the prince, his blazer long forgotten on the coat rack, but his simple french-cuffed-two-unbuttoned-buttons style was mesmerizing, she realized they have matching colored tops, she blushes slightly

"Are you still adamant about not marrying me?" he wakes her from her thoughts

She blinks then nods "Yes, this isn't meant for me, My Prince, this was for your Fiance and i can't take it"

He sighs and examines her "Two weeks"

"I'm sorry?"

"Give me two weeks of your time and after that I'll tell my mother myself"

"What? No, We have to tell her now"

"Listen, you said you don't want the royal family to suffer because I can't tell her I don't want tp get married yet, right?"

She bites her lip, not answering

"Right?"

"Yes" she whispers

"Then give me two weeks, to figure out a way to tell her how we broke up so you can be free and no one will ask why, and so I can use it as an excuse as to why I wont find a new bride anytime soon"

"What excuse, My Prince?"

"I'll be too busy trying to get over you to find one" he smiles and she tries her best to suppress the warmth of her cheeks at the sight

"That won't work"

"Better than the family getting ridiculed, so, will you give me two weeks my love?"

[creacherkeeper]

im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

[wickedpact]

I ordered The Old Guard books and they have arrived today which in a small way makes up for the stress I’m having planning a wedding in 2021 (that is already planning take two because it got postponed from last year)

Do you think Joe and Nicky are actually married?

- the annoying Anon but you can call me AA if that’s better

its funny you ask bc i do have an opinion on that and the opinion is: no

im not like... sure, but i have two reasons why i dont think theyre married / why they dont think of themselves as married

  1.) if they did think of themselves as married, the answer to the question ‘what, is he your boyfriend?’ would just be 'no dickhead hes my fucking husband’

1b.) i mean, in the comics speech, joe says ‘He is not my ‘boyfriend’. He is not my 'lover', nor is he my 'partner’. He is all and more. He is my everything.”

so if joe dislikes labels like ‘partner’ or ‘lover’ because theyre not, idk, expansive enough to describe their relationship, (and he doesnt even mention 'husband’!) i cant imagine hed give a shit about marriage one way or another either. i made a post about it a while ago but theyve been together so long i doubt marriage is any more significant to them as a ~symbol of dedication~ than a couple of plastic promise rings two teenagers would buy at walmart. you know, like... theyre so beyond that

2.) im not an expert at queer history and im definitely making a lot of generalizations here that would make a historian flinch, but whenever i look at like,, historical queer media (poems, mostly, i read a lot of poetry for someone who doesnt like poetry) you dont really see gay people Yearn For Marriage like we do in more modern times; i mean, im not an expert on sappho’s writings, but she was kind of [waggles hand] mehhhh abt marriage, while also talking abt how great ‘’‘‘female companionship’’’‘ is. het marriage, and consummation, are often compared to theft and violence in her poems (albeit subtly) while the relationships between women who were...... involved were seen as erotic and comforting.

the two are never conflated, you know, she never talks about maidens marrying each other or wishing that they could, despite talking about marriage pretty frequently. m/f relationships and f/f relationships, which we would both define modernly as the same thing (just plain old love) are shown to be separate things from sappho’s perspective.

i mean, you see more recent stuff about gay people wanting to be married, but like, thats usually within the last couple hundred years. idk what the cultures joe and nicky grew up in taught on marriage, but a lot of Ye Olde people didnt expect to love the people they married (& of course these things depend on where youre from, era, class, gender, etc)

  i mean, i imagine that joe, as the heir of his family’s business, probably had to dodge arranged (economic) marriages, and nicky, well-- there are tons of ‘gay person becomes priest to avoid het marriage’ stories out there. joe and nicky honestly for a good majority of their lives probably saw marriage as an unfortunate inevitability that they luckily got to avoid. and i imagine its likely that they didnt associate love with marriage-- or at least, they saw it as a social or economic thing?

i mean, women being married off to create children and be ‘provided for’, or men getting married to create heirs and for.. sexual satisfaction (i guess).... where does what joe and nicky had comply with that kind of relationship, you know? neither of them was a woman who needed to be economically provided for, neither of them needed or wanted heirs-- just nothing about that specific type of social contract would appeal to them. they probably just saw their relationship with each other as something entirely different than the relationship of a marriage

and by the time the concept of marriage more or less began to change, they were in a relationship for so long that getting married wouldve probably be seen as silly to them

(but again like i said im probably generalizing a lot here)

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Alright let's try this Soulmate body switch AU I'm also attempting this whole "make a tag" thing... bare with me, ive only actually used this app for like 4 days now im gonna go with "RayMakesSoulmates" for now... uhm, idk what else to go with uhhhhh yeah, names Ray btw...

Okay here we go. The idea of switching bodies is something a bit strange to me so let me make this work for me.

Basically it happens once a year after you either turn 17 or meet your soulmate. If its the latter then there has to be alot of turmoil and confusion on one side to trigger the first switch because it does not happen at the first encounter. However after the first encounter you'll sometimes have little blurry dreams that are in fact core memories of your soulmate. But theyre always too blurry to point out who's involved and sounds are too muffled to pin point any specific noises words or what have you.

Now, the dreams don't happen every night but they happen often enough that you are made aware that you have met your soulmate at some point recently.

So after Zuko visits the south and they begin their cat and mouse game around the world Zuko often has blurry dreams of white with black falling what he thinks is people screaming and what he knows is muffled crying. While Sokka has random dreams of what he thinks is someone moving away into the darkness and someone screaming out to them but he can't figure out what they're saying. Another dream he has is a blurry glow of bright blue and crying. There's also one that shows up more often than the other two, its when he sees what he believes is someone moving towards him saying something, but its muffled, then a bright light and muffled screaming and crying.

However after Ba Sing Se Sokka has a dream that's clear and vivid, not muffled and not blurry. After he takes a moment from shooting up to a sitting position he realizes that this is not a dream, he's switched bodies. Standing up and moving the blankets off of him he looks around and sees the there are fire nation items everywhere, it looks like he's in a royal bedroom. He elects to keep calm as he moves towards where he thinks is a bathroom, he is correct and when he looks into the mirror he freezes. His heart drops into his stomach. Sokka can hardly believe what he's looking at. Staring back at him is not his face, but Zuko's. He reaches up to touch the scar on Zuko's face. While yes he has control over his body and he doesn't exactly know how to act 'firenation' let alone 'fire nation royalty' he stands straight. "This won't last longer than 3 hours." He reminds himself

"What won't last longer than three hours?" Azula's voice breaks through

Instantly on edge and irritated Sokka- ahem Zuko turns to Azula "what do you want Azula?" He says in a voice thats much less irritated, theyre siblings right? So they have to be chummy right

"Oo! You sound so much less angry!" She muses "disgusting, anyways, Mai wanted me to let you know she's leaving today"

Why would he care about that? Oh they must be friends? Maybe they're dating? Okay, don't screw this up "uh, okay"

"Aw don't be so sad Zuzu~ you two would have never worked out anyways, her and Ty Lee switched bodies just three days ago. It was honestly was kind of amusing watching her string you along" This is not how siblings normally talk to eachother. He just glared at Azula "alright alright sheesh, ill leave you alone" he found something to write on and quickly jotted down the conversation because if he was given that information Zuko would need it.

Meanwhile Zuko shot awake and found himself lying next to appa Katara and Aang, so he is alive huh? Confused he figured he must be dreaming until he realized his vision was clear and nothing was muffled. He was below deck on a fire nation ship. He paused a moment before he stood and noticed Sokka's boomerang beside him. He lifed it and saw Sokka in the reflection. His reaction seemed to mirror(haha get it) Sokka's when he saw Zuko in the mirror. But he dropped the boomerang and it made a loud bang which woke the other two up "Sokka what are you doing, the sun is barely up"

He paused and cleared his throat. Okay, sure he's been chasing them he needs to not blow this "uh, sorry, nightmare"

Katara shifted and turned to him, a genuine look of worry in her eyes "do you want to talk about it?" She asked in a tone that reminded him of his mother. Genuine love.

He forced himself not to tear up at the memory and just shook his head "no, I honestly can't remember it. Just scared me is all" the hesitation in Katara's expression before she responded was strange to him

"Alright, if you say so, do you mind going and asking dad to change the course? We need to stop and get supplies"

His hesitation and expression probably made her realize what happened "okay, youre not Sokka right now are you?" He froze and nodded slowly "alright, you dont have to tell me who you are, but I'll help you through the motions, Aang and I switched back in Ba Sing Se, that was the day when you questioned why I said I'd fly around, er- or that was when Sokka questioned me" okay she was a little more accepting of this than he thought.

"Uhm, okay, yeah, right, uhm, I don't want to blow this so can you just uh show me around? I'm sure Sokka knows all the people he's- oh agni he's gonna meet my dad" zuko internally cringed.

In that moment it seemed to click with Katara "alright, so you're telling me your Zuko"

Zuko flinched and backed up against the wall "look I dont know what you want me to do about this, but I promise you that I'm not going to ruin anything, I know I messed up, hell Sokka's probably noticing that my family doesn't work like yours does. I've been so confused my whole life okay, I'm sorry I betrayed you in Ba Sing Se, my sister has a way of manipulating me. I just hope he doesn't get hurt, he probably doesn't know he needs to keep his mouth shut in my family." Zuko was panicking when Katara reached out

"Zuko, zuko what do you mean?" Her voice shaky

"Look I cant tell you everything, I cant tell you my life story not right now, I need to get through with this. If we meet again, which I hope we do, ill tell you then. But right now, please just show me what Sokka goes through day to day. I know he's not gonna like what happens on the other end, I just hope it doesn't go too bad."

Katara nodded "alright well. Let me walk you around and let you learn the peoples names, ill just say hi to them and say their names." She paused "but first, tell me about your mother, i dont know if I believe it anymore"

He sighed before telling her the entire story.

Meanwhile at the palace Sokka was sitting in a war meeting knowing to keep his mouth shut unless spoken to. He didnt want to set people off or let them know he wasn't actually Zuko. The topic of the earth kingdome came up and Ozai turned to him "Zuko, you've spent time among the Earth kingdom citizens. What information do you have?"

"Uh, the Earth kingdoms citizens are strong willed and hopeful, as long as they have hope they will not yeild"

"Hmmm, I see, we need to crush their hope"

"Well, thats not what I-"

"I think we should take their precious hope and burn it to the ground!" Azula cuts in

"Yes, yes good idea Azula" Oh no

About an hour after the meeting the switch flipped, Sokka made notes about everything that he found important in time before the switch was over.

After they switched back Sokka found his sister and grabbed her shoulders "Katara, I have to tell you something, I just got back from a body swit-"

"And your soulmate is Zuko? I know, he cried when I was nice to him, what happened on your end?"

"Well, his whole family is mean to him"

"Figured"

"I was in a war meeting and found out their plan for the comet"

After relaying the information he found they discussed it with Aang.

Let's skip ahead to after the failed invasion and to the air temple when Zuko shows up.

"Hello, Zuko here"

No fighting it in this one

"Get your jerk bender butt over here" Katara and Sokka said practically in unison.

>im gonna wrap it up here. And yes Katara would notice its not Sokka and would totally pick up on Zuko, she's observant

>and no Azula wouldn't notice at all because she's used to Zuko being stand offish with her. Plus Sokka is so much better at impersonations than Zuko

@chaoticidiott @roman-does-nothing @bisexuallsokka @transzukostanblog

I dont know if I did this AU justice, I tried.

[seriouslysam8]

Hello, Sam!

I have just started reading your series Moments in Time that I saw Breanie recommended and I must say, it is absolutely wonderful so far!

Croup: This was not at all what I expected! I stumbled across this universe recommended on Breanie’s tumblr and thought I better start in order. PUH-Tunia really is a bitch! You can just see the abuse already inflicted on him and he’s only three! The mental anguish of a three year old being told he can’t have nice things because he breaks them can’t have been good for poor Harry! No wonder’s so unsure of everything later on. Yelling at him because he’s sick like it’s his fault! Im surprised she even gave him medicine! Wanting him to sleep outside in the “frigid air” and only deciding not to because the neighbours might see really says a lot about her personality. Ive never read anything from Petunia’s point of view before but well done. I hate her even more than before. I look forward to following this new adventure that is your moments in time universe. Great read!

The Boggart of Grimmauld Place: This was just so heartwarming! Harry getting to spend even a little time with Remus and Sirius at Grimmauld Place was what was missing from canon. Memories of his grandparents, learning about them. It was just lovely! When Harry is ashamed of wanting Sirius to embrace him a little longer my heart ached for that poor boy who never got to feel real hugs and affection. He thinks he should be ashamed for wanting to feel it and he shouldnt! I blame for petunia for that. I meant to say that in Croup how she touched his forehead to check for a fever and he flinched like he’d been expecting her to hit him. Poor poor little Harry. I love how you play on the connection here between Harry and Sirius and even parallel it to the Potters and Weasleys. Harry being surprised that he would be in Sirius’ will at all. Harry just being surprised that people care about him. Makes me want to just give him a hug! What abeautiful story! Thank you.

Hide and Seek: This was so fun! I love the thought of them all playing hide and seek in Grimmauld Place and everyone joining in! Remus and Tonks making out in the cupboard was the best! It was definitely my favourite part and Sirius just teasing them! Hermione thinking something happened between Harry and Ginny. I loved how Harry opened up a little to Ginny. You could see he was actually really comfortable with her in a way he’s not with people. Absently massaging her wrist, touching her. He was caught up in her without realizing he was caught up in her. Adorable! The second addition was wonderful! I love how Ginny just took control, loosening his tie, taking off his jumper… they are the superior couple! While I am a tad disappointed to not see them making out at the end, I loved this story. Thank you.

Seventeen: Wow! This was a story I didn’t know I needed. Harry and Ron lovingly admitting they’re brothers warms my soul. I love that touch of giving them matching watches! Was that canon? If not it should be. Mrs weasley feeling guilty over Sirius is so like her. She loves and cares for Harry as if he’s her own son and it’s wonderful to see. The last bit with Ginny was perfect! They definitely had to do more than the uninterrupted kiss and I love how Harry just basked in her. The end made me so sad! His heart breaking over missing her birthday, lost opportunities. Very beautifully done! These one-shots are amazing and I look forward to reading more of them. Thank you.

The Demise of Walburga Black: This was absolutely amazing! The image you crafted of them laughing like lunatics as they destroyed her portrait was awesome! What I like most so far about your writing is how you gently weave in Harry’s relationship with the Weasleys. I love the idea of George moving in with him and Ron, that Harry would offer his home to him like that. I love that Harry goes to Mr Weasley for renovation advice. I think its so hot that Harry would renovate the Muggle way (so sexy to see men in a tool belt and I’m going to assume he’s shirtless and sweaty). I love that it was Angelina’s idea and how you casually had Ron toss in that George and Angelina were already sleeping together. George not really being drunk, is that because he drank a lot to cope with Fred’s death? I think it is. Harry’s reaction to being caught by Mrs Weasley, how his guilt eases into pleasure that Mrs Weasley would call both himself and Ron George’s “younger brothers” and his glee in being lectured by her in a motherly fashion. And dont even get me started on the scene with Ginny! The way he gushed on his drunken ramblings about making a home with her and wanting to raise a family and her not wanting to get her hopes up because he’s so drunk! I laughed out loud when Harry said that drunk Harry wants to do dirtier things with her or something like that. Just wonderful all around! Where’s Teddy in this story? I know he lives with Andromeda in canon but I thought I read that you have Harry raising him. Ah well, maybe the next tale will answer that question! Thank you.

That’s all I’ve had time to read so far, but I just wanted to say thank you for writing such a rich and vast universe! I can definitely see why Breanie recommends you so much! I have a few questions if you don’t mind.

1) What made you decide to write a story about Harry’s early childhood from the point of view of Petunia instead of Harry?

2) Do you think Petunia and Vernon physically abused Harry when he was little? It’s fairly obvious he had psychological abuse, but do you think there was more?

3) Do you think Ron and Hermione knew Harry had never played childish games like hide and seek as a child? Do you think the others knew and that’s why they all agreed to join in?

4) When do you think Harry actually started to notice Ginny? Was it in his fifth year and he just didn’t realize or do you think it was later? There is the scene where she puts him in his place over the possession bit and of course when they get kicked out of the library together. What are your thoughts?

5) Was it canon that Ron and Harry have the watches of Mrs Weasley’s brothers?

6) Do you believe George could handle his alcohol better because of his age or were you insinuating he had become accustomed to the drink after losing Fred?

7) Where is Teddy when Harry lives at Grimmauld Place? From the summaries of your stories I got the impression Harry raised him. But I haven’t read any further so I may be wrong.

Sorry for so many questions, but I am curious. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for your time. You’re amazing and I love your work! Thank you.

I have been following your review journey and getting more and more excited the further you get into the universe!! I am going to try my damndest to answer all these asks you’ve sent today but I have an incredibly busy weekend, so it may take me a little bit to answer them all especially if you’re asking specific questions since I won’t have access to my computer a lot. So, I will answer all your asks, but give me the weekend because I want to give you the best and most detailed answers I can!

1.) Honestly, Croup and Brontide (I promise, no spoilers) are the reason I started this as a series. I mentioned Harry had croup a lot as a child in Brontide and then wanted to write a companion piece. I thought, what better way to demonstrate Harry’s childhood then telling a story through Petunia’s POv because she’s absolutely horrible. Plus, I didn’t think I could get into the mindset of any other POV for that story.

2.) I definitely think there was physical abuse as well. It’s indicated in the books (Harry knowing to dodge away from a frying pan or something). So, I do feel they did physically abuse him as well. He has a few scars to show from it.

3.) No, I don’t think they knew. Maybe some suspected it but not know. I think everyone was just sick of cleaning Grimmauld Place and wanted to do something fun. It didn’t matter it was a child’s game. They just wanted something to do.

4.) I think he started to like Ginny as a friend in fifth year. I think he started to notice her as someone more than just Ron’s little sister. I don’t even think he noticed how he felt comfortable around her in fifth year either. I like to think all the dots started to connect earlier than 6th year but Harry just didn’t know what it all meant. Then 6th year come and he’s like crap… I really her! But it was building, unknowingly, to Harry before then. Ginny had been slowly forming into her own person in Harry’s mind and he felt comfortable and liked what he saw. He just didn’t connect it romantically at that time.

5.) No, the watches isn’t canon. I wish it was though. Honestly, when I wrote it, I totally forgot they mentioned Ron getting a brand new watch in canon until months after I wrote the story.

6.) George was a bit of an alcoholic after the war. It’s mentioned more in-depth in Brontide. But he definitely held his alcohol better because he has been spiraling into alcohol abuse for months by that point.

7.) So, again it’s mentioned in Brontide, but Teddy lived with Andromeda for the first year of his life before Harry gained custody of him. Andromeda didn’t feel comfortable with Harry raising Teddy at first. Once she got to know him and see how much Harry cared for Teddy, she handed over custody to Harry so that Teddy could live a more normal life and have parents and siblings.

[buckyskorpion]

11 hours - part six

Pairing: Biker!Bucky x Reader

Summary: bucky is the mystery you can’t wait to solve. if you can get out of his bed long enough, that is. a biker au.

Warnings: gang-typical violence, sex scenes, alcohol mentions, probably more to come so stay tuned

A/N: so i was gonna leave this on ANOTHER doozy cliff hanger but i genuinely thought i would get lynched so i decided to just leave it at a baby cliffhanger. a lot happened in this chapter and a lot of seeds have been planted for future chapters..... so lemme know what you think hehe. predictions?? angry letters?? pitchforks??? lemme know!! i wont be taking tags for this so please dont ask.

title taken from 11 hours by wet | playlist | please donate to my ko-fi!

masterlist 

“You’re very calm for someone with a gun to their head.”

Honestly, you had been thinking the same thing. Sure, your stomach feels like a snake pit and your hands are sweating and you don’t think you’ve ever been more aware of your own heart beat, but other than that - you don’t understand why you aren’t panicking more. There are three men standing in front of you, one behind, all with guns. They’re wearing matching leather jackets with an octo-head patch on the sleeve, and they all look very scary. Briefly, you wonder if Bucky has a jacket like this, with a patch on to match his family. It’s an irrelevant detail you can’t help but fixate on right now.

Bucky. Hopefully listening on the other end of the phone you have tucked in your back pocket which your kidnappers haven’t been bothered to check yet, thankfully. You flex your wrists against the zip ties holding you to a chair and ask, “Where am I?”

“You should know,” your stalker turned kidnapper says with a condescending sneer. “You followed me here.”

“The Lerna?” you clarify, for the sake of hopefully someone on the other end of your mobile picking it up. You glance around at the old-style bar; chipped wood and beer stains, a rickety pool table one of your stalker’s friends is using as an arm rest. You curl your nose up at it - a little proudly, you note it has nothing on Sam’s bar.

“Do you recognise the place?” your stalker asks. That throws you. You want to ask what he means by that, why you would recognise this gross bar you’ve never stepped foot in, but you clench your teeth and school your face.

Once your dad sat you down in a chair much like this one, in his office at the house you grew up in. You were eleven, maybe, and you didn’t quite understand why he was tying your hands to the back with a necktie but you went along with it. He did this, sometimes - would orchestrate some strange lesson when his nightmares got really bad, his ghosts chasing him inside the house until he saw enemies in lampshades and kitchen cabinets. To keep you safe, he would say, and then he sat opposite you and asked what you would do if anyone ever put you in this position against your will.

“Kroshka, they will use anything against you,” he had said, and you see that now with the way these men are looking at you for any weakness. But you didn’t understand then, you were a kid thinking your dad was spiralling again, so he had cast around until he found a beer bottle on the coffee table. “See, like this. When the label is flat it’s fine, but as soon as one little corner lifts you can’t help it - you have to peel it all the way off. Don’t give them any corners, kroshka.”

You blink, once. The man in front of you scowls when you don’t answer, presses forward into your space in a show of intimidation. You try not to flinch, but that fear you were missing before is starting to set in real fast. What did he mean, do you recognise it? And why the hell are you so prepared for a situation like this, almost as if your dad has been training you for it since you could remember?

“Fine,” your stalker says, his breath fanning over you with how he’s leaning into your space. “Maybe you can answer something else, about your boyfriend.”

“Dunno who you’re talking about,” you say. It’s not a lie - technically, you hadn’t had the ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ chat with Bucky yet. This man is not appreciative of your loopholes. He grabs your hair and yanks your head back, pressing his glock into your neck. You shiver, both at the pain and the cold of the metal. Through gritted teeth and mild hyperventilation, you say, “As a matter of fact, I dunno who you are either. That’s kinda weird, dontcha think?”

You can practically hear Bucky in your head telling you to shut up, but he’s not here right now. No corners, just like your dad said. Doesn’t mean you can’t try and find some corners of your own.

What you meant as a question to buy some time, with a bit of attitude on the side, sends your stalker reeling back from you. He’s confused, eyebrows drawn down low and his friends behind him look to each other with the same expression. Now, you’re confused as well. Everyone in the room stands (or sits, in your particular predicament) in a pure state of what the fuck is going on. It would be funny, if there wasn’t still a gun to the back of your head.

“You don’t know the patch?” the man asks, gesturing to the sleeve of his jacket. When you don’t respond he continues, slowly, reiterating his question from before but as a statement, “You don’t recognise this place.”

You have zero idea what’s going on, but whatever you’ve said seems have thrown your kidnappers for a bit of a loop, so you decide to roll with it. You say, and hope to god the man standing behind you doesn’t shoot you for it, “I’m starting to think you’ve lost control of this situation, pal.”

From the corner of the room behind you, a familiar husky-toned red head says, “Funny, I was thinking the same thing.”

Shots ring out, shattering the windows as one by one your stalker’s friends drop like dominos. Someone crouches behind you and cuts you lose with a knife, and you hear it clatter to the floor as they launch over the back of your chair feet first into your stalker. Natasha. The flash of her red hair over your shoulder as she sends him flying is unmistakable. You scramble from the chair, fumbling for the knife she dropped but your hand slides through something thick, wet. The man behind you with the gun lies dead, throat slit, his blood now all over your fingers. It mesmerises you in a sickening way, making your stomach turn and your vision go fuzzy.

You’d never seen a dead body before. Now they are all around you, the bar smelling like blood instead of beer and the sound of bullets pinging off glass the only noise other than Natasha grappling with your stalker. She’s so small compared to him but she has her thighs clenched around his throat and he gasps for breath, clawing at her legs. You watch, stunned, as he gets a grip on her and throws her off, sending her crashing into the wall with a groan.

She hits the floor and you see red - all you can think is that’s Bucky’s family and that man is walking towards her, his gun trained on her body as she tries to pull herself to her feet, so you stop thinking at all. You picture the back of your stalker's neck like the dartboard at Sam’s bar and you throw.  

Bullseye. Just like your dad taught you.

The man drops, knife buried in his neck and haemorrhaging blood. He gurgles this awful, awful sound as he clutches at his throat, trying and failing to push the blood back in. Natasha looks from your still outstretched hand, trembling in place, to meet your gaze. You can’t begin to decipher her expression, nor do you want to. You feel like you’re going to throw up, or choke, or scream, or all three. The man you just stabbed in the neck groans in pain, eyes rolling, coughing blood from his mouth in thick clumps. You can’t feel your hands anymore.

The door bangs open and you flinch, stumbling back until you trip on the chair you had been tied to and fall to the floor in a crumple of limbs. It’s Bucky, eyes wild and larger than life with a rage you’ve never seen before. He has a huge sniper-rifle slung over his back as he strides into the bar, stepping right over the writhing body of your stalker.

“I’ll deal with you in a second, Rumlow,” he practically growls, kicking aside the man’s hand that tries to grab for him. You scramble to your feet, practically tripping over yourself to get to Bucky. Doesn’t it say something about you that you run towards the man responsible for the death all around you?

You crash into Bucky hard, the force of the impact knocking the breath right out of you and once it’s gone you can’t get it back. It feels like his arms encompass the entirety of you as he holds you so tight your feet leave the ground. His chest rumbles with words but you can’t hear him, your ears are ringing and your chest is tight because panic attack, you dumbass. You press your face into Bucky’s neck and hope that’s enough to escape the scene unfolding around you.

“Get her out of here, I’ll deal with this,” you hear Natasha say somewhere behind Bucky but you refuse to lift your head to see.

Bucky attempts to pull away from you to look at Natasha, you can feel him try and twist his head but the inarticulate whine that rips from your throat stills the both of you. It’s mildly embarrassing, the sound you’ve just made, but it’s out there now. Bucky shifts his grip so one big palm rubs soothing strokes up and down your spine and you feel yourself becoming boneless with every pass of his hand.

“I’m not fucking lettin’ him get away with this,” Bucky says, low, threatening - if you were this Rumlow guy bleeding out on the ground, you would be afraid.

“And he won’t,” Natasha says, and then like she has to remind Bucky of his own thoughts, “but you have other priorities right now. Get her out of here.”

You feel Bucky nod, his scratchy chin moving against the top of your head. He kisses your temple and holds the back of your skull with one big palm, pressing your face further into his neck. It means you don’t see the carnage of the bar when he moves to place an arm around your shoulder and steer you out the door, stumbling under his guidance on shaky, cotton-fuzzy legs. He’s hurrying you, but as gently as he can. Once you feel the bright burn of sunlight on your skin you pull back from Bucky’s neck, blinking in the now empty street and Bucky’s piercing gaze as he looks down at you.

“Are you with me?” he asks, his hand dropping from your skull to squeeze the side of your neck. You still feel like you’re sipping each breath through a straw but you nod. You can see in his eyes he needs you to be with him right now, to get out of here, so you try and blink away the fuzzies in the corners of your vision and focus on his face.

“I’m sorry,” you say, and christ, now is not the time for that stinging pressure behind your eyes you hate so much. You hope Bucky understands - sorry for not listening to him, sorry for getting you both into this mess, sorry for not being strong when he needs you to be.

Bucky shakes his head vehemently, tugs you in harsh and strong by the grip he has on your neck to press a bruising kiss to your forehead. Your eyes flutter close at the fierce way he holds you, presses emotion into your skin like the tattoos littering his skin - a brand of your own, in the middle of this eerily empty street with the blood of strange men on both your hands. The thought makes you shake, so you twist your fingers in the hem of Bucky’s t-shirt and breathe him in deep.

“I’m sorry, doll,” he says, then pulls away from you. He grabs one of your hands from out under his shirt and links your fingers, beginning to drag you down the street. Looking back over his shoulder, he says with a grimace, “We gotta go.”

He leads you to his bike, squeezed between a brick wall and a dumpster in a side alley a block away from The Lerna. It roars to life before you’ve properly swung yourself on the back, and you aren’t bothering with helmets this time as Bucky eases the bike out from it’s tight spot with unsettling ease. All you can do is hold on tight and close your eyes as Bucky leads you away, weaving through the city in nonsensical loops before you feel the air open up around you and the familiar sounds of Brooklyn.

Bucky takes you to Steve’s tattoo in Red Hook, the first time you’re been back there since that fateful run-in with Natasha. You’ve checked out completely by the time Bucky parks - he has to lift you off the back of the bike because your legs won’t work, and he all but carries you inside. Steve is quick to rid the shop of the two customers looking at designs out front as Bucky settles you on the couch by the tattoo beds. You sink into the faded red leather without feeling a thing. Distantly, you notice the kid who usually mans the tills looking at you like you’ve grown a second head, and you suppose you deserve that.

“Stevie, I think she’s in shock,” you hear Bucky say, and the childhood nickname makes you smile. You watch Bucky’s face crease up deep concern at the dreamy look on your face, so you suppose you should stop smiling like a crazy person. A giant blonde head swims into your view, just as concerned, and he drapes a blanket around your shoulders.

“Bucky,” you say, your eyebrows drawing down as you fumble for his hand. He squeezes your fingers and mumbles something to Steve who leaves you again, his voice mingling with the kid’s somewhere over Bucky’s shoulder but you can’t focus on that. All you can do is swim in the back of Bucky’s too-deep stare and say, “I killed him.”

“No, no,” he says, shifting closer between your thighs as he kneels on the floor in front of you. This would be funny to you in any other moment, something to tease him for as he takes both your hands in his and squeezes them together, silently imploring you to stay looking at him. He says, “That’s not on you, sweetheart, it ain’t. You didn’t kill him.”

You’re crying now, properly, which you suppose is a good sign because you don’t think people in shock can cry. You watch as something cracks in Bucky’s eyes as he watches you break apart, but you can’t stop now you’ve started. You say, “I did, I killed him. How do you do it? How do you just- I feel like my throat’s gonna close up. How do you live past this?”

Bucky’s face darkens, smoothing out to something stone cold and frightening. You don’t feel scared, though, as he leans into your space so close you almost feel cross-eyed trying to stay glued to the blue of his eyes. He searches your face for something and says, no room for argument, “You did not kill that bastard, you hear me?”

“But-“

“No,” he says, simply, and that’s that. “The only reason you were in that position is because of me, doll, so no. You didn’t kill him. It’s on me, and I live with that so you don’t have to. You got that? You don’t ever have to live with that.”

You don’t know how he makes you feel like he’s physically reached into your chest and pulled out your guilt through your throat, but he does. You can see it clenched tight in his fist, his eyes shuttering down dark as he shoves it between his own teeth to hold. It’s too soon for the feelings clawing at your ribcage but you feel them just the same, that cigarette burn he left on your heart aching so bad you could scream from it. You extract a hand from his to run down his cheek, along his jaw, cupping his face in your palm. He closes his eyes, shudders as though swallowing down the guilt for the both of you.

I love you for that, you think to the soft flutter of his eyelashes against his cheeks. I’ll love you forever for that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Natasha returns to the shop, and Sam bundles in not long after that, the four bikers sit around Steve’s prematurely closed tattoo shop and have a family meeting. You can’t help but feel like the kid who’s stayed up past their bedtime to try and hang with the adults, the words flying over their head and sleep pulling at their eyelids but they fight to stay awake anyway. Bucky pulls your head into his lap as he sits on the couch beside you, so you lie there and let him stroke your hair while they discuss what happened over the past two hours.

Two hours, and that’s all it’s taken for your whole world to spin on it’s axis. You’d learnt to throw knives at tree trunks with your dad as a fun, albeit unconventional after-school activity. And now you’ve buried a knife in someone’s neck, you’ve been kidnapped and tied to a chair and watched Bucky gun down men from a rooftop with his sniper rifle. He pulled the trigger with the same fingers he’s carding through your hair now, nails scratching at your scalp in a way that makes your toes tingle. How is that at all ok?

“We’ve started a turf war with Hydra, now,” Sam is saying, sitting backwards on a chair facing Bucky and spreading his hands out in a placating gesture as Bucky bristles. “It was unavoidable, alright, I’m just saying.”

“Not necessarily,” Natasha says. “Rumlow has had a vendetta against Bucky for years. He could’ve been acting alone.”

“It is strange we haven’t heard anything from Pierce,” Steve says thoughtfully. He is pressing an icepack to Natasha’s back, already bruising from where this Rumlow guy threw her into the wall. She’s lifting up her t-shirt and you can see a glimpse of a back piece standing out stark against her pale skin. Giant, feathered wings and a talon, a mosaic piece of what looks like a large hawk spanning the length of her spine.

“When Pierce finds out it was us that shot up his bar, though,” Sam says, making meaningful eyebrow movements to the group. They all nod thoughtfully and fall into silence.

None of these names make much sense to you - Hydra, Pierce, even Rumlow who you’ve gathered by now was your stalker. Was, because he’s dead now, and the thought turns your mouth dry and rusted. You shift in discomfort, drawing Bucky’s attention down to you as he gives you a concerned once over. He had done a thorough analysis for any injuries, even after you’d assured him you were fine, but you can tell he’s still unconvinced.

Unfortunately for you, all your wounds appear to be mental. They’re getting deeper by the second.

“I keep thinking,” you say to Bucky, “why was he so surprised I didn’t know where I was? Or who they were?”

“Hydra is our biggest rival,” Bucky says, and huffs a laugh at your crinkly brow so he clarifies, “They’re another gang, one we’ve had a lot of run-ins with. Rumlow especially. He wasn’t our biggest fan.”

“So he expected you to have told me about him, and Hydra,” you say, the name unfamiliar on your tongue. He nods, and you have to ask, “Why didn’t you?”

Bucky frowns at that. “I already told you - the more you know, the more dangerous it is.”

“And I already told you, no secrets,” you say, frowning just as deep. A beat passes and Bucky doesn’t budge, just glares down at you like he can physically bore his opinion into your brain and make it yours. Exasperated, you say, “Bucky, it didn’t matter anyway - the danger found me. Telling me things like that isn’t going to make a difference.”

“It would’ve if you’d listened to me and not done the stupid thing,” Bucky says, raising his eyebrows. He may have a point, but you aren’t going to back down that easily. Bucky knows you, he knows if you see a loose thread you’re going to pull it. The fact he thought you’d listen to him tell you what to do at all is laughable.

“This gang is your life,” you say, and you don’t bother to hide your frustration now, “They’re your family. I’m no safer not knowing what’s going on - I got stalked and kidnapped regardless. Clearly, it’s dangerous no matter what, so just tell me, Bucky. Whatever it is.”

Bucky stares at you for a long time. Steve, Natasha, Sam - they cease to exist in this room with you. Those first few weeks, when you refused to stay the night in Bucky’s bed and would only see him to fuck - you used to be scared of looking into those eyes for too long, for fear of getting lost. Now you dive head first, a part of you hoping you do get lost so you never have to find your way back out again.

Eventually, Bucky clenches his jaw tight and says, “You’re right.”

You blink, surprised. You hear Sam whisper to Steve, “did you record that?”, and honestly, you wanna ask the same thing. Except the way Bucky is look at you- dread curls thick and choking in your gut. You look up at Bucky and he seem so far away, out of reach even though you feel him all around you. He continues stroking your hair but it’s absentminded, his mind far away too.

You are drawn back to the tattoo shop by Sam saying, “I gotta say, Barnes, your girl is smart as hell. Keeping your phone on you and out-smarting Rumlow in a hostage situation? Pretty badass.”

Bucky smiles briefly down at you, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. You turn to Sam and say, “I got the impression out-smarting Rumlow isn’t really that hard.”

Everyone laughs at that, even Bucky, and it clears away some of the dread eating away at your stomach. But it’s still there, acidic and bubbling no matter what you do to smother it.

Eventually, they grow tired of talking in circles about Rumlow and Hydra and the possibility of the feds showing up (Bucky assures everyone the cops will find no rifling on the bullets and won’t be able to pin them to the crime scene, but Sam mutters heard that before and an argument erupts about some debacle in Bucharest so you tune out). Bucky takes you back to his apartment, tucked securely in his leather jacket in the best kind of shock blanket you could ever ask for.

For the first time, you noticed the tiny embroidered star on the sleeve of his jacket. You wonder if all Bucky’s friends have the same star on their jackets, because they’re not just friends, they’re a gang. One you feel suddenly, irrevocably intertwined with since they’re the only reason you aren’t sitting in a jail cell for murdering someone.

You feel jittery as you walk into Bucky’s apartment, almost nervous. It looks the same as this morning, the coffee cups you used for Steve and Bucky still in the sink and hoodie of his you’d worn last night draped over a chair. But everything is different, now. It’s all changed, there’s weird new shadows over everything long after Bucky turns on the light. You linger in the doorway to Bucky’s bedroom while he rummages around for sweats and jumpers, laying out a pair for you before he begins changing himself. He shucks off his t-shirt and you see his tattoo sleeve, the mottled scars hiding underneath, and your heart flies out of your throat before you can stop it.

“So do you guys have a fun, spooky name like Hydra or what?” you ask, closing your eyes with a grimace as soon as you ask the question. What are you, twelve? Bucky doesn’t answer and you’re too afraid to open your eyes too see the look on his face.

You’re startled when you feel him kiss your cheek, sensing his large frame towering over you and blocking out some of the soft bedroom light. You open your eyes to find him smiling down at you, laughing at you with his eyes as he says, “Not so spooky. Steve named us, he called us the Howling Commandos. The HC, for short.”

You crinkle your nose up at him and he flicks the tip with his ringed fingers. You say, “That’s very old-fashioned.”

“Nat teases him for it all the time,” he says, “She calls us her barbershop quartet.”

You smile, imagining Bucky in suspenders playing the accordion, and say, “Now that I like.”

The longer Bucky looks at you the more sober he becomes, mouth becoming pinched and jaw muscle ticking. He holds you soft by the biceps and walks you back until you hit the wall, still gentle, but bracketing you in now so all you can see is the weight of whatever complicated thing is running across Bucky’s face.

“You scared the fucking shit out of me today,” he says. He shifts, grips your jaw tight so his rings dig into your skin with none of the gentleness of before - he means this. “Never do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” you say, twisting in his tight grip to press a kiss to his fingertips. He softens, allows you to pull him in flush against you by his waist, his bare skin so warm under your hands. “And, thank you. I don’t- I guess I’ve never had someone come save me before, I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t thank me,” Bucky says, shaking his head. He kisses you, a rough press of chapped lips against yours and is gone again before you can react. Says, “I’m sorry, too.”

“Come back,” you say with a pout, and you have just enough time to see Bucky smirk down at you before he’s kissing you again. It’s just as fierce, almost painful, but the rough slide of it distracts from the burn in your chest and your racing thoughts like razorblades. You lick into his mouth, chasing away the ghosts nipping at your heels, and he presses you back into the wall with a thunk hard enough to leave a bruise on your tailbone tomorrow. You don’t care. It feels good to hurt in a way that’s physical.

The ease with which Bucky picks you up makes your head spin. It’s all you can do but pepper kisses along his stubbled jaw as he carries you to the bed, lips suddenly ripped from his skin as he dumps you on the covers. He is quick to follow, squashing you down with his tongue in your mouth before you can take another breath. This, you know. All the messy feelings and heartache and fearfearfear that beats in time with your heart, that maybe you’ll lose him or he’ll lose you and you came so close today, is unfamiliar to the both of you. But arching your back off the bed so he can take your shirt off, scrubbing your fingers through the short hair at the nape of his neck as he peppers kisses across your tits with a trail of goosebumps left behind - this is how you know Bucky best.

He makes quick work of your clothes and you fumble with his jeans, laughing into his mouth as he bats your hand away to do it for you. Bucky bites your bottom lip in playful admonishment and you chase his mouth as he tries to pull away. He places one big palm on your clavicle and pushes down, holding you against the bed. He shakes his head at you with a smile.

“Stay,” he says like he would to a dog, grinning wide as you glare at him. But you do as you’re told as he leans over you to grab a condom with his left arm. Maybe you bend the rules a little to trail kisses up the bits of his outstretched forearm you can reach. Over a shadowy skull, the stem of a rose, what looks like military windings near the crook of his elbow and tiny handwritten letters that spell S N S. Sam Nat Steve, because Bucky might be a tough guy to most but he’s a giant sap deep down.

Bucky shudders at your touch, and it makes you wonder if the scarring under his tattoos is extra sensitive. Or maybe he is just sensitive to anyone touching him in such a vulnerable place. You flick your eyes up to watch him watch you, lip drawn between his teeth and a dent between his eyebrows you ache to soothe if he wasn’t still holding you down. You don’t stop, even though he looks physically pained with every brush of your lips against his skin. You trace the edges of another small wolf with your tongue, like the ones on his chestpiece, and watch as his eyes flutter closed when you get close to the paper-thin skin of his inner wrist.

That hits Bucky’s limit. Suddenly his hand on your chest slides up to your neck and he’s leaning over you, left arm braced by your head and his mouth swallowing yours. You groan against his lips at the rough drag of his hands down your sides, gripping your waist tight enough to bruise. He makes your brain go fuzzy, the only coherent thoughts being Bucky and touch me more. He seems to understand. His fingers find your clit, smoothing slow circles which spark embers in the pit of your stomach. Bucky’s mouth falls open as yours does, as if to breath in the whine he draws from you.

“Fuck, you always sound so good,” Bucky groans. He buries his face into the side of your neck, taking advantage of your thigh trapped between his legs to rut against you while he continues playing with your clit. Every time Bucky gets filthy with you it’s like the first time, shocking and almost embarrassing in the sexiest way possible. Heat floods your cheeks and makes you lightheaded, unable to stop the moan he draws from you. You’re rewarded by Bucky’s teeth in your neck, the sensitive spot just over your pulse point, and if you’re being honest you could come just from this.

Bucky’s cock growing harder against your thigh, as his hips shift in rhythm with the circles he draws on your clit, becomes too difficult to ignore. To gain his attention you twist and nip at the closest piece of skin you can find, Bucky’s ear, and he engulfs you in a kiss which steals the breath right out of you. You buck your hips, hoping to nonverbally convey the demand get in me right now, and Bucky doesn't need any more hints than that.

He fumbles with the condom for a second and you take the time to sit up on your elbows and look at him. Bucky is so beautiful, drawn in harsh lines and stark contrasts. Tan skin turned paler against the opaque black of his tattoos, colour swirling in-between and it should be jarring, but you think he just looks like art. Bitten red lips, startling blue eyes pinning you to the mattress as he catches you staring - such bright, primary colours because he is a statement piece, and one you could look at forever.

Bucky grins almost bashfully as you stare at him, leaning back over you to kiss you soft and sweet in a sharp juxtaposition to the rough tumble which got you here. Again, he sends your head spinning when the tender kiss is punctuated by the unexpected push of Bucky’s cock in your cunt. He bottoms out before you can blink, throwing your head back out of the kiss with an untamed groan - both pleasure and pain, in the good way. Bucky drags his teeth from your lips down your chin and neck, biting a mark into your collarbone to set the tone for the bruising pace he creates as he pounds into you.

He doesn’t do anything in halves, you think. You gaze up at him with an almost dopey smile while Bucky fucks the literal breath out of you. You lift your hips to meet him as he bottoms out with every thrust, watching in awe as his face creases up in ecstasy - it’s you who brings him there. He palms your tits like he can’t help himself, loses control in your pussy because you make him feel that good, and the thought makes you giddy. Drunk, almost, as you drag your nails down his chest and nearly come once again just from the moan you draw out of this brilliant, dangerous, gorgeous man.

“You take it so well, baby, fuck,” Bucky pants, eyebrows creasing as the pleasure gets almost painful in its build. You know the feeling. Bucky’s mouth is always your undoing, rolling your eyes back into your head and the sounds you’re making turning positively feral. He kisses you again, more a slam of mouths than anything finessed, and says, “Never gonna get over this, never gonna get over how good you feel.”

“Bucky, you gotta-“

“I gotta what, huh?” Bucky grins at the pleasure-addled panic he brings you too, not wanting to come too fast but also needing to let go before you actually explode. He knows exactly what he’s doing, balancing on one hand to thumb harshly at your clit as he says, “You want me to stop? I don’t think so, sweetheart, I think you wanna come on my cock just like this, wanna hear me tell you how good you are, how sweet you are for me all laid out like this-“

Everything whites out as you come, hard, all your muscles spasming like crazy with the orgasm that rips through you. Bucky’s voice is drowned out, but it doesn’t matter what he’s saying anymore, he’s made you feel like you’ll never catch your breath again. Bucky thunks his forehead against yours, collapsing on top of you as the fluttering clench of your cunt around his cock becomes too much. His thrusts turn sloppy, his breath hot and ragged across your face as you press lazy, barely-there kisses to his cheeks - all you can muster in your fucked-out haze.

Bucky comes with his eyes closed, eyelashes tangling with yours, and you cling to him with all four limbs as he shakes through his orgasm. The release was so needed for the both of you, the events of the last twenty-four hours frying your nerves to the point where it was either fight, cry, or fuck. It feels so good to have Bucky on top of you, inside you, all around you in every single sense and it warms your heart in a way you didn’t know was possible until now. Until Bucky.

Maybe that’s the afterglow talking, and you should stop. But you can’t help but press another kiss to Bucky’s cheek, and another, over his nose and across his still-closed eyelids until you reach his mouth and he can kiss you back just as soft. You hope he gets it. You hope he feels it too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You go to see your dad, eventually. The chaos of yesterday kept you attached to Bucky’s hip - you showered together in the morning, and he allowed you to pretend it was just the water and not tears soaking your face. But he made you cuddle with him on the couch and fed you an omelette like you were incapable of feeding yourself, and maybe you were, because the reality of what happened in that shitty Manhattan bar was starting to eat away at your executive functions. It took all of your strength to convince Bucky you would be ok and that you’d come back to him as soon as you were done, but it was time to pull on a thread you’ve been ignoring for far too long.

It turns out, that paranoid over-questioning part of your brain doesn’t turn off even during a traumatic event. Your dad lets you in without a word, tugging you into a side hug as you both walk to the kitchen to make tea.

The house you grew up in has taken on a different light since the Lerna. The kitchen chairs aren’t the same, reminding you too much of ziptied wrists and a gun in your face. Why can you superimpose the memory of Rumlow holding you hostage to one you have of being eleven and tied to a chair by your father? You shouldn’t be able to do that.

He nudges your hip, jerking you out of your staring contest with the dining chairs, and offers you a mug of tea. You both sit at the table, either end, the fruit bowl a mediator between you. He looks tired, old, like he always has somehow in your memories from childhood. He’s still your dad, the same man who always been there because he’s all you’ve ever had. He loves you, you know does. Ya lyublyu tebya, luna. But he has always been the first to say your paranoid streak runs a mile deep, and once you find a thread-

Well. Everyone knows how that ends.

“Do you want to talk about it?” your dad asks, and it’s like he knows you aren’t here to ask for boy advice or moan about a case or your skyrocketing rent.

There’s a lot you want to talk about. Why did I learn to throw knives instead of joining the soccer team, like normal kids? Why did I learn how to survive an interrogation instead of going to sleepovers, like normal kids? Why did you train me to question everyone and everything in this world, but I’ve always blindly believed you? Like a normal kid would, you suppose, the only normal you’ve ever really gotten. Always believing your dad is the superhero of six-year-old dreams, someone who would never keep you in the dark.

“No,” you say, taking a sip of tea. It burns your tongue to numbness, but you can’t bring yourself to care. We had the secret language for only us - why did I never think you might have secrets from me as well? You grimace into your tea and say, “Not right now, I’m sorry.”

“Tayny budut presledovat tebya vechno, malysh,” he says. Secrets will haunt you forever, little one.

You don’t dare look up from your tea as you say, “Ya dumayu, ty by znal vse ob etom.” I guess you’d know all about that.

He gives you leftover curry in a carry bag when you leave. Kisses you on the cheek and lets you go, but you can feel him watching you the entire time it takes you to walk down the street and out of sight. As soon as you round the corner you retch into the nearest bush, a well-manicured rose which you silently apologise to as it gets covered in your bile.

This guilt isn’t something Bucky can save you from - it feels like it’s eating you alive. You had never, ever thought you would get to the point where you’d be leaving a bug stuck to the underside of your dad’s kitchen table, but you suppose you never thought you’d be stalked and kidnapped either. You wipe the your mouth with the back of your hand as your stomach finishes emptying itself of tea and betrayal, and try to tell yourself you won’t find anything, you're just being paranoid. But you know you will.

Maybe you always have, and that’s why you’ve been too scared to pull on the thread you’ve known has been dangling in the back of your mind since you were a kid. Just one secret you wanted to leave, one dark corner you didn’t want to shine a light into. That’s never been in your nature. You spit the foul, acidic taste from your mouth onto a poor, innocent rose bud and think with just as much bitterness as the bile coating your throat, that’s not who my dad raised me to be.

Part 7

[haarrrys]

((for everyone who sent a request i swear I am working on them and all of them are in my drafts! for now, this is a wattpad request so i wanted to get it out the way :) i have not forgotten about u!))

They'll love you

y/n turned herself in the mirror over-examining every part of herself to make sure she was absolutely perfect for tonight. it was a party, but not just any party. her boyfriend niall, who she's been dating for eight months (give or take) invited her to celebrate the success of the 'Made in the A.M' album. she was pumped of course, getting to spend time with niall, who she really didn't see as often due to his busy work schedule was like a gift sent from heaven— that is until she realized she was meeting the rest of one direction.

it wasn't like she didn't want to, no, she thought nothing was better than getting to know the group of friends, family even, that niall spent most of his time with. the thing was that niall never was one for relationships; he was the only one in the band who wasn't with someone 24/7, and yes of course he had some short term relationships but they were all private and never got to the point of meeting the people in his life he values the most. that all changed with y/n, his world, his whole heart. when they hit their five month anniversary he took her straight to his family who showered her in love and affection, which she reciprocated almost immediately. she got along well with the whole horan household, even little theo who was now utterly attached to his new play mate, as he called it. she just fit in so well, even so much so that his dad told him she's for sure a keeper.

of course dating niall horan with you also being in the modeling industry was not something that everyone would bat their eyes at and look the other direction. everywhere you went cameras did too; soon the world knew about you and niall and honestly neither one of you cared. there were pictures of you holding hands, laughing, and even niall at one of your runway shows. soon that turned into rumors, then confirmation, which then turned into all the one direction boys on his ass about meeting the girl that made his cheeks grow bright red when she was brought up. they teased him about it, because that's just how they were but in the deepest parts of their hearts they all genuinely we're beyond happy that he finally was with someone that made him happy.

thus why they practically begged niall to bring you along to the party, which then led him to ask you one night in bed after you two had just calmed down from what you were sure was the best sex you ever had. you were hesitant, but nonetheless you agreed but now that the day was here you weren't so sure anymore.

niall was already dressed and downstairs waiting for you while you critiqued every inch of your outfit, fighting with your own mind on whether you should just call off everything and disapoint niall and the boys who were more excited to meet you than you thought. after ten minutes passed niall ran up the stairs to see what was going on, only to frown when he saw your helpless expression staring back at him in the mirror. "what's wrong babe?" he sighed, hugging you from behind and laying his head in the crook of your neck. you let out a deep breath relishing in the feeling and letting your fingers graze through the tips of his blonde hair "I'm just nervous..dont think I look good. I don't know" you whispered, not flinching when his lips made contact with your cheek. he hummed quietly "I think you beautiful love. wanna rip this dress right off you actually" niall, the very promiscuous man said with a smirk that only grew larger when you laughed rolling your eyes. he laughed along with you, making the conversation happier then added, "but seriously babe, your absolutely gorgeous. don't know why you're nervous.. they're so excited to meet ya and i know they'll love you." he finished, his irish accent ringing in your ears with reassurance.

next thing you knew you were partying the night away with a drunk niall by your side, sluring words together that even you couldn't understand due to how much alcohol was in his system. he held you close the whole night, not once letting you leave his grasp even when louis tried to get you to the dance floor. speaking of louis, the boys loved you. they saw the way you looked at him, even when he was being an idiot and drinking more than he could hold down. of course you tried to moderate his drinking (because God knows he's gonna be hung over and upset tomorrow) but with the boys talking to you and joking around you suddenly forgot the count of drinks he had taken.

"ready to go babe?" you shouted over the music once you noticed his slight tilt in the way he walked. he shook his head closing his eyes and letting his body move to the music "nooo, we haven't even partied yet" niall shouted, yet the lot of you were in a circle partying the night away. harry laughed taking another cup of beer away from niall and switching it with water to which he pouted at. "think it's time for y/n to take you home bro" liam said with a smile which then fell into embarrassment when everyone began to laugh. "not like that— gosh, you guys are gross!" liam laughed as louis held his stomach while he wheezed out a laugh. it really wasn't that funny but they were all drunk and childish so really, it was. you rolled your eyes laughing then began to steady niall seeing he was becoming dead weight on your shoulder. "okay we're gonna go now, bye guys, it was really nice meeting you all" you said with a genuine smile which they all happily returned.

the boys said their goodbyes while hugging both you and niall before harry came stumbling over to you along with the rest of the boys just as you were heading out with a much more sober niall (due to the water you basically made him chug down.) you shot him a confused look before he spoke up "can you actually drive us y/n? we're all way to drunk and our driver's caught up in traffic so he won't be here for another hour, sorry if we're bothering—" you cut his rambling off with a hand on his shoulder "it's alright. you guys all get in the back" you said, gesturing to your black mercedes amg off in the distance before adding "and don't ruin my seats" as they scurried off in a race to your car.

you knew this was gonna be a long night once they began to fight over what song to play and liam and louis couldn't seem to decided whether they wanted the windows up or down but you we're glad they liked you and accepted you as niall's girlfriend.

and they too we're glad niall had found himself someone so down to earth and nice as you.

the end! this was a request from my wattpad which you can go follow if you want (@harrysafternoon), i have a lot more oneshots there that gravitate more towards harry but I do have all the other boys on there too.

hope you liked it :) it's kinda rushed but i tried!