#i hide on my 40 sideblogs with no followers

[disabledcole]

im posting properly on this blog for like the first time in years bc im in love with the boop feature and i Cant let all these excellent jokes go past. so hello you havent seen me in a while im still alive

[bucks-babe]

How Can I Forget You?

Follow my sideblog @bucks-babesideblog for updates on when I post

Pairing: Bucky x reader x Steve, Stucky x reader, Stucky

Summary: I literally don’t know how to summarize this. 40’s Bucky and Steve go to war, then you know what happens to them, Ladybird is left in the 40’s. Steve and Bucky are in the future. Will they get their Ladybird back?

Warnings: Angst (a lot of it), fluff, poly relationship, pre serum Steve, 40’s Bucky and Steve, 21st century!Bucky and Steve, some gay sex because it was getting too sad (anal fingering, anal, grinding naked), Peggy was never with Steve, implied suicide by alcohol, death of the reader in the 40’s, pet names (darling, ladybird, dumpling), crying, Jewish!Bucky, nostalgia, time jumps, happy ending because who do you think I am, I am not paying for anyone's therapy just so you know

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: There is no mention of the reader's body type nor race. Part of this fic does take place in the 40's, but I wanted to have a blank reader so that readers from any race can imagine themselves as Ladybird. There is no mention of period related homophobia because this shit was already too damn sad. If I missed any warnings, please let me know becuase I know that this fic is angsty and I want to make sure that everyone knows what they are getting into. Thanks to @buckys-wintersoldier for sacrificing her mental health for this fic 🤘

“Stevie, have I ever told you how pretty your eyes are?” Steve blushes and hides his face in Bucky’s chest, breathing in his woodsy scent. “Don’t hide from me, punk, can’t see those pretty eyes anymore.” Running his fingers through Steve’s soft hair and trailing his hand down to the back of the smaller man’s neck, he gently brings his head back up, appreciating the soft, pink glow on his lover’s cheeks.

“Buck,” Steve trails off, not able to form a complete sentence when Bucky is looking at him like this - like he is gorgeous and not scrawny or undesirable. He doesn’t fight when Bucky brings their lips together, moaning at the taste of Bucky’s last cigarette. His eyes flutter as they pull away, both of their pupils blown, lips swollen and cheeks red. “You know, smoking is bad for you.”

Bucky grabs Steve and lays down on the couch, Steve resting between his legs. “I’m going to live until I’m 100, Stevie, smoking or not. You, my dear, are the one we need to worry about.”

“Like hell, you’re going to live that long with those habits. I’m healthy, it’s the doctors that keep telling me I’m not fit to join the army.” Bucky sighs. No matter how much he tries to stop Steve from enlisting, it never works. Not even their Ladybird can convince him.

“Stevie, please. I don’t want to hear anymore talk about this. Not today.” It’s their Ladybird that speaks, voice thick with emotion, yet stern. Neither of her boys would disobey her. She sets the tray with their sandwiches down and quickly leaves the room, palms frantically trying to smooth her dress down, pressing wrinkles that don’t exist.

Today was the day that Bucky had to leave. He didn’t enlist, not when his Ladybird wanted him at home, safe with her and Steve. She was terrified that he wouldn’t come home, leaving her and Steve behind.

But Steve was more stubborn than his man, not accepting staying at home when the men of his country are risking their lives. He needed to protect his country. “Stay here, dumpling.” Leaving a kiss on his forehead, Bucky follows Ladybird into the kitchen.

Two strong arms wrap around her waist and the tears she was desperate to hold in, cascade down her cheeks, ruining the makeup she spent so much time on. She was trying to be strong for him, support him before sending him off, but it was too much. Knowing that he could be killed at any moment, and these could be her final memories of him, was too overwhelming.

“I know, Ladybird, I know. I promise you that I’ll come home, okay? I can’t leave my best girl and guy alone.” She turns in his arms and his calloused palms rest on her cheeks, thumbs wiping away the stream of mascara running down her face.

“Steve, he, he can’t enlist, Buck. He just can’t. How am I supposed to stay here knowing that the loves of my life are out there, getting shot at, bombs going off, huh?” Steve sneaks in, snaking his arms around her waist.

“For you, Ladybird, I won’t. I’ll wait here with you, send Bucky letters, keep you safe, okay?” She knew it was a lie; Steve could never lie, but she chose to believe him in that moment. Maybe for her own sanity, or maybe just to savor the last moments she would ever get to spend with her men.

She was Bucky off, waving to him when he boarded the train, but when Steve left the house for errands she knew where he was going - she never saw him again, but she knew it was for his love for her and Bucky. She didn’t blame him.

***

When Steve woke up from the ice, the first thing he did was see if his Ladybird was still alive. From the moment he got the serum, he regretted lying to her. He knew when he looked in her eyes, she knew what he was going to do; she accepted his choice. It was who he was and she wouldn’t dream of him being anything else.

He cried that night, when Fury gave him the documents he so graciously printed from Google. Ladybird died only a few years after he went on ice. She never moved on. They said it was a broken heart, but the 40’s would never report a woman drinking herself to death, wallowing in the sorrow of lost love.

It was his fault. Maybe she could have healed from the loss of Bucky if he was there. It would never take away the pain, but she would have one of them, but he left her behind. He would visit her grave daily; her body six feet below him, wearing the dog tags of her lovers.

The pain was eased when he found Bucky. They had each other. Even when he couldn’t remember much, Bucky remembered his Ladybird. Steve wishes he could forget the day he had to tell the man he loved that their girl was dead.

“I still want to be with you, Steve.” It took a while before Bucky was stable enough to choose to love again, but it was never a hard decision. The love for Steve too much to ignore.

Their first time was much different from the 40’s. They both changed so much - Steve more so than Bucky. They couldn’t get each other naked fast enough, kisses and loving touches scattered throughout.

Bucky didn’t feel embarrassed by his arm, not when Steve’s eyes were filled with so much love and lust. Bucky had to look away, his eyes landing on his boyfriend’s cock. “Oh my god, Steve!” He didn’t mean to gawk but he couldn’t help it. Steve went from slightly below average to very much above it. Long and thick, veins pulsing through his cock, supplying enough blood to keep his large erection up.

“What? Oh.” Steve’s signature blush crept up his cheeks just like it used to. Even though his body changed so dramatically, he was still the same boy from Brooklyn Bucky fell in love with. “You’re bigger too, Buck.” Steve shied away from Bucky’s gaze, worried about how Bucky’s cock was going to fit inside of him.

“It hasn’t changed that much, dumpling.” It was almost true. Bucky was always above average - maybe seven inches. He was always thick, but now? His cock looked like it doubled in thickness, and around an inch added to his length.

“Yeah, right.” Bucky beamed at Steve as he became more comfortable under Bucky’s gaze.

“Well, how about we compare sizes then?” They both groan at the first contact in years, dicks pressed against each other. “Won’t you look at that, you’re bigger than me, dumpling.” Steve’s face scrunched in confusion, trying to focus through the haze of pleasure. There was no way that he was bigger than Bucky.

Nonetheless, Steve looks down, almost cumming at the sight of his lover’s cock leaking onto his. His eyes widened; he was bigger than Bucky. It was only by an inch, even with the serum thickening his cock, Bucky was still much thicker. “Good boy, see how pretty your cock is? Fuck, missed you so much.”

Bucky groans in between words as he grinds against Steve, cock pushed harder against his. Steve’s hands find the sides of Bucky’s face, pulling him down in a heated kiss while ropes of his cum shoot out onto both of their stomachs and chests. Bucky follows right after, not able to handle the pleasure the simple grind of their hips brings him as they both share their first orgasm since the 40’s.

He collapses on Steve’s chest while they both catch their breath. “Darling, I need your cock in me. Need to feel how you stretch me out.” Bucky’s cock instantly hardens.

“Fuck, dumpling, we don’t have lube.” Even in his lust filled state, Bucky knows that going any further would hurt.

“Don’t need it. Look at all our cum.” Bucky looks down and whimpers. The serum really did a number on them. His first orgasm in 80 years was a lot. The mixture of their cum was dripping down Steve’s sides and leaking down Bucky’s chest. He quickly dips down to get a mouthful of their cum, moaning as he shares it with Steve. “You taste just as good as I remember, Buck.”

Bucky scoops a generous amount onto two of his fingers while Steve eagerly spreads his legs, presenting his tight hole to his partner. At this moment, it’s just the two of them. The pain of their Ladybird is gone, if only momentarily.

The moan that leaves Steve’s lips as Bucky’s first finger breeches his hole is almost enough to have him cumming untouched. He doesn’t know how long he stretches Steve out for, but it was enough time to have Steve cumming on his chest again, giving Bucky more lube to use.

“Ready, dumpling? Ready for your sergeant’s cock?” Steve only moans, frantically nodding his head. No one would have thought that the tough captain was so submissive in bed. Bucky strokes his cock with Steve’s spend a few times before lining up with his stretched out hole.

He meets little resistance as his tip slips in. “Fuck, Steve. Think you’re even fucking tighter.” He has to close his eyes, balls pulsing and pulling up already. Steve’s tight ass ready to suck all of his cum out.

“Uh, uh, just bigger. So much bigger.” Steve’s mind was empty, only wanting his ass full. He cries when Bucky hikes his legs up, wanting to be as close as possible. “Wait, please.” Bucky immediately eases his cock out, knowing that he’s a lot bigger to take now. After a few minutes, Steve’s breath evens out and his eyes lock with Bucky’s, nodding at his lover.

As gently as he can, Bucky slides back inside his ass, slowly feeding Steve inch after inch. “How full are you, Stevie?” It wasn’t smug; Bucky needed to know that Steve was okay. Leaning down, Bucky presses his forehead against Steve’s, staring into his eyes. Tears fall from both of their eyes, connected so intimately again.

“So full, Buck.” He leans up to capture Bucky’s lips in a kiss, neither able to think straight, let alone kiss properly.

“I love you so fucking much, dumpling.” Steve cries out, hips jerking in an attempt to take more of his sergeant’s dick. As Bucky’s hips rest against Steve’s center, they both cum, chanting each other’s name like a mantra, whispers of their love passed back and forth. Neither of them can stop, trying to make up for all the years spent apart. All the years each spent mourning the loss of the other.

By the end of the night, they’re both spent. Cuddled in each other’s arms, Bucky is the first to break the silence. “Is it just me, or does this almost feel wrong without Ladybird?”

“It does, but she wouldn’t want us to stop loving each other.” Bucky doesn’t respond, caught up in his own mind. The pain from losing their Ladybird would never go away and they both knew that.

***

“Dumpling, you should stay there.” It’s said so quietly that if Steve wasn’t a super soldier he wouldn’t have heard him.

“Excuse me?” Steve pulls away, quickly sitting up in the bed.

“You should stay with her. You deserve it - she deserves it.” Bucky hangs his head, not able to look Steve in the eyes.

“And you don’t?”

“No. After all I’ve done, I’d only taint her. She doesn’t deserve that.” It was a decision that Bucky thought long and hard about.

“You think she would believe that? That I would? I just lost you, Buck and you’re asking me to do it again.” Steve stands and paces around the room, not able to comprehend what his boyfriend was saying.

“Think about it, Stevie. At least she would have one of us. You know what happened when she found out we both were ‘dead.’”

“Drop it, okay?” And Bucky did, but he planted the seed inside Steve’s mind.

***

“I’ll never stop loving you, Darling.” Bucky nodded, failing to hold in his tears, knowing that this was the last time he was going to see his best guy.

“Take care of her for me, yeah?”

“You know I will.” He grabs Bucky’s face, sharing their last kiss, tears mixing together. “And don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” His voice cracks, saying his final goodbye.

Bucky swallows hard. “How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you.” He caresses Steve’s cheek once more and pats it, letting his hand fall down. They look at each other in silence, burning this memory into their brains.

He can’t bear to look at Bucky when he gets on the pad.

***

Steve’s throat is tight as he looks at his old brownstone. His Ladybird is right behind the door, having no idea who is outside. He picks up the spare key - exactly where it always was.

He has to close his eyes, taking in the familiar scent of the home he shared with his two loves. Stepping over the threshold, he sees her and his breath gets caught in his throat. “Ladybird?” He doesn’t even recognize his own voice, so unsure and in disbelief of what he was seeing.

Her head whips around; the dish she was washing shatters as it hits the ground. “Stevie?” His feet are glued to the ground, back hitting the closed door as he tries not to fall to his knees. “Is it really you?” Unlike him, Ladybird sprints to him, her dress fluttering at the speed she moves, the dog tags of her lovers jiggle with every step.

She almost tackles him to the ground, arms intertwined around his neck, legs clutching his waist. He catches her easily, his own arms squeezing her to his chest. Both of their sobs mix together as Steve drops down on the couch, legs no longer able to hold him up. “I thought you were dead. They send soldiers here and everything.” Steve couldn’t form an explanation, too caught up in her entire being.

He can only pull her into a kiss. It was messy, full of tears and snot, but neither of them cared. She didn’t know how long he waited for this moment. They held each other for hours, crying and kissing. Eventually, she fell asleep in his arms.

Steve didn’t have it in him to put her down as he went around the house. Everything was just as he remembered. The kitchen table, engraved with all their initials, still had three chairs around it, each one in different states of ruin - Bucky always flopped in his chair leaving the legs wobbly. Steve’s favorite mug sat on the lowest shelf, right where pre-serum Steve could reach, even though Bucky loved to put it up higher so that Steve had to ask for his help.

The living room still held the old rickie bookshelf that Ladybird insisted that she could put together by herself, no matter how many times her men offered help. Upon it was Bucky’s first edition copy of The Hobbit. He and Ladybird would always make fun of him for how much time, money, and effort he spent just to get that book - Steve placed it in a box along with the recipes from Mrs. Barnes.

The bedroom made his breath hitch, his arms instinctively holding Ladybird closer. His favorite chair, ripped in multiple spots, sat in the corner of the room, right by the window. Right next to it was his stand where his old sketchbook sat untouched - he put that in the box too. Bucky’s side of the closet hung his clothes, neatly arranged in order of his favorites, while Steve’s clothes lay on the ground in a pile, always too lazy to fold them.

The top left dresser draw held the photo album Ladybird made them for Christmas/Hanukkah - that went in the box. Ladybird’s jewelry box had a necklace with the Star of David that she saved for to get Bucky on his birthday. Bucky gave it back to her before he left for safekeeping - in the box it went. On top of the dresser were all the letters she sent to Bucky and Steve, along with the letters they sent her. The army gave them back to her with their dog tags - Steve made sure to not damage them as they were placed in the box.

***

The team shared gasps and whispers between themselves as Steve reappeared with a woman in one arm and a small box in the other. He whispers something in her ear before pointing in the distance.

A gorgeous smile graces her lips as her eyes meet Steve’s target. She doesn’t hesitate to sprint across the grass, bare feet and ignoring all of the Avengers. Bucky doesn’t hear the beat of her steps, overwhelmed at the loss of both of his partners.

He doesn’t know what hit him as he falls to the ground. Kisses are placed all over his face. For a second, he thinks that he’s dreaming because he would know her smell anywhere, the feeling of her lips ingrained in his mind. But even in his dreams, he couldn’t hear her voice, always muffled and distant, but it was clear as day as he lay on the soft ground.

“Bucky!” He has to grab her face to stop her assault, pulling her back far enough to confirm that it was real, that his Ladybird was in his arms.

“Bird? Oh my god.” He pulls her back down, showering her with affection, practically rolling them around in the grass, not caring about the audience that slowly surrounded them. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Her tears come back once again. His hair was longer, worry lines sprinkled around his face, cool metal pressed against her right cheek, his right hand more callused than before. Steve told her a bit about what happened, about how Bucky lost his arm, how insecure he felt because of it.

Without pause, she tilts her head, soft lips placed delicately on his metal palm. “You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you.” Stuck in their own little bubble, they don’t notice Steve laying beside them until his arms wrap around them both.

With one look he gets the rest of the Avengers to leave them in peace. Unlike his past self, Steve could lie when he needed to. He knew that Bucky wouldn’t have let him go to return the stones if he knew Steve wasn’t going to stay. Laying a kiss to Bucky’s forehead, Steve takes in the sight before him, all of them together at last.

“Bucky, you were right. I did take all the stupid with me.” Bucky’s tear streaked face looks over at his partner.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, dumpling.” For the first time since before the war, all three of them felt at peace, finally in each other’s arms again. It may have taken 80 some years, but none of them would change a thing if there was even the smallest chance that they wouldn’t end up together.

[yourkindofboy]

hi 😁 yeah i’m still here lol when i made my original post and all the drama/crit blogs were being silly in my tags i checked out yalls blogs and got hooked… y’all are just having so much fun i had to stick around. plus tommyinnit dream v quackity happened immediately the next day and then drunk mcc the day after… i couldn’t just leave in the middle of the party

i ask about rpf in this fandom bc this fandoms take on it and so many other things is so new to fandom culture… i’ve been lurking main tags for a couple months to see how it works and the rules/ethics codes are so strange and new… i’m a my chemical romance blog lol mcr has a very long history of rpf and we do have internal debates about it, but that wasn’t until within the past few years and even then the general consensus is they’re 40 yo rock stars that are likely never gonna see it and even if they do, they can look at their bank accounts and feel better. it’s only really bm if you’re sending it to them/@ing them on twitter. which is pretty much the consensus that i feel like most real people fandoms have always stuck to throughout online history and dsmp are the odd ones out. it’s definitely because the fandom is/was primarily on twitter right there with the ccs, of course the boundaries are gonna get redefined when you’re directly interacting with the ccs with your acc name set to ‘T4T AUTISTIC BEEDUO MY BELOVED ✨ hannah :3’. plus these ccs can NOT learn their lesson and keep their noses out of their indirects. don’t lurk in your own fandom literally #1 rule of being famous don’t google yourself

i’ve read enneamages post about it and that’s part of how i ended up among the crit blogs 🤪 the first time i saw mcyt tickle in main tags i immediately went ‘yeah, that’s what happens when you try to police sexuality’, same with poppy and the creepy sbi stuff. idk y’all say y’all are the crazy ones and that’s def true, but from all of the time i’ve spent in MAIN tags and seeing the ‘normal’ fans? y’all are most of the time healthier bc y’all 1) realistically criticize ccs 2) are most of the time joking and 3) seem to be self aware about being insane when you’re being insane. in most other fandom y’all would be the normal ones, bc in normal fandoms we openly debate and criticize the content we enjoy and how we enjoy it. y’all having to hide your followers and your likes and people only speaking to you on anon so no one gets attacked? literal insanity lol plus it leaves the fandom 10x more unchecked. the biggest issue with critblr would be being invasive and speculative, but i feel like y’all don’t even truth as much as main tags? idek tbjs place is so weird

but yeah that’s me 😋 if i’m wrong and i’m definitely just another one of the insane ones. well. oops! but in the meantime i have a new sideblog im gonna start using to post on/interact with so i don’t keep terrorizing my mcr mutuals with dreams weird sperm plushy. so. happy girlblogging byeeee 🥳🥳

what is the consensus on fanfic in mcyt? like this is a fanfic heavy community and ppl seem to b like 'no rpf >:(' then immediately post crimeboys incest au... like how do you justify writing fic about real ppl if you're against writing fic about real ppl? is the argument that they're writing abt the cc's dsmp characters, not the actual ccs themselves?

OMG hi! Didn't expect to see you back in these parts, sorry you are seeing the mcyt fandom through mine (and allisons) eyes. Basically, dsmp and now qsmp fic is pretty normalized bc the authors say they are writing about "characters." which, is true in a sense, bc Phil is not a hot anime dilf with wings. Though the tumblr and twitter fandom is slightly split on shipping'; tumblr is much more lax and even tends to dip into the nsfw side recently with the qsmp characters and storyline, while the twitter fandom seems to be more against shipping especially if the cc didn't specifically give them permission (IE: I saw someone get mass qrted for c!schlattbur).

With twitter, the demographic skews young and has the problems of any fandom, but with the added (horrible ingredient) that they are all fans of REAL PEOPLE. Because, I'll be honest, if the dsmp was an entirely fictional story say like a comic or anime I wouldn't give two shits about the fandom at all. I probably wouldn't even care about it period. But, the fact that there are REAL PEOPLE behind these "roleplay" characters adds this level of complication to the whole thing. I think this is best visualized when the fanfic "Passerine" blew up to the point where all of the ccs knew about it--[SPOILER for the story] Tommy dies in this fic, and his close long-time friend Eryn said on stream he didn't want to read something like that because "that's Tom." No matter how fictional the dsmp is, or how fictional the AU is, there are still real people behind these personalities with their own thoughts and lives and feelings. To write fanfiction about the dsmp is one thing (fine), two write an AU is another and as the years have gone on (believe me, I've been here for years) the fanfics have slowly become less and less about the source material (the dsmp) and more about a very very specific dynamic. (again @enneamage summarizes this better than I could because the nitty and gritty of this topic genuinely does not sit well with me) The "problem" is that rpf and shipping is a SIN within the fandom, hell, even to mainblr (which is why we're here on this #blog) which just spirals more and more "platonic" AUs. For anything, really. Which just get weirder, and weirder, and weirder. Bc on twitter theres NO SHIPPING ALLOWED, which is kind of silly for things like C!schlattbur or qsmp nsfw fics, bc like... its not that big of a deal, especially if the ship you make content of is based in a fictional story. Like why is this person getting called out for DSMP quackbur nsfw brah wilbur probably liking that shit on an alt. Which leads to people trying to find a dynamic they like ..."platonically"... as to avoid being called out. I honestly don't know how to vocalize this point fully bc I'm about to expose myself here I... am not a big shipper tbh. So I can't give an in depth explanation to what I mean (soweey! I exist for jokes!)

[acekatherineplumber]

It’s question time!

1. What’s your sexual orientation? Sapphic asexual

2. What are you obsessed with right now? Musicals!

3. Ever done any drugs? No. Drugs aren’t my thing. I prefer to drink my state-altering substances.

4. What piercings do you want? I don’t think I want any.

5. How many people have you kissed? 4

6. Describe your dream home. I want an apartment in a big city with lots of bookshelves and a gorgeous kitchen

7. Who are you jealous of? I don’t believe in being jealous of other people

8. What’s your favorite show to binge? Parks and Recreation

9. Do you watch porn? No

10. Do you have a secret sideblog? No. I have a few spare URLs and an old studyblr, but nothing secret

11. If you could teleport anywhere in the world right now, where would you go? Nowhere right now

12. What’s one of your fantasies? Having a beautiful wife, several cats, and a teaching job

13. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? Definitely not

14. How would you spend a million dollars? TRAVEL

15. Are you in a relationship? No

16. Do you follow porn blogs? No

17. Are you angry with anyone right now? I’m always angry at the government

18. What tattoos do you want? Harry Potter stars, something with the word “persist”, “too proud to hide” across the top of my spine in typewriter font, the words expecto patronum, the words “wake me up, for still here I be”, and a bouquet of sunflowers and irises with the words “grow yourself into something new”

19. If you could change your name, would you? What would you change it to? Nope! I like my name!

20. What is something you’re obsessed with? Musicals!

21. Describe your best friend. Both have curly brown hair and glasses. One is the kindest individual ever, and one is the most passionate individuals ever. They inspire me.

22. Tag someone you think is hot. @keepers-quaffles-and-old-clocks!

23. Who are five of your favorite bands/musical artists? Taylor Swift, Caissie Levy, Carrie Hope Fletcher, Avril Lavigne, Dove Cameron

24. What are three places you want to travel? London, Prague, Lyon

25. Describe your perfect Friday night. Going out to dinner, hanging with friends, seeing theatre!

26. What’s your favorite season? Autumn

27. What’s your pet peeve? People telling me to do something and then getting in my way while I try to do it

28. Who is the funniest person you know? My friend Christina!

29. What’s the most overrated movie? Right now? Onward. I really can’t get into it

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message.

31. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Paper!

32. If you could live in a fictional world, what world would you pick? Harry Potter!

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? Ballgowns. Or vintage.

34. What’s your coffee order? I tend to just get espresso

35. Do you have a crush on anyone?

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Well……there’s one……but I fucked things up and there’s no way she’d want me back.

37. Have any tattoos? Yes, one tattoo on each wrist

38. Do you drink? A little.

39. Are you a virgin? No

40. Do you have a crush on any of your mutuals? No

41. How many followers do you have? Over 500

42. Describe the hottest person you know. Google Anne Hathaway

43. What’s your guilty pleasure? None of my pleasures are guilty

44. Do you read erotica? No

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? We got coffee at a gas station and walked along the side of a road while she told me about her husband that she

46. How many people do you follow?

47. If you could marry any celebrity, who would you pick? I don’t think I want to marry any of them. I want them all to be happy with their own lives

48. Describe your ideal partner. Chubby, tall, dyed hair, tattoos

49. Who do you text the most? The group text of my friends, and my mom

50. What’s your favorite kind of weather? Rainy!

[ramblingsofasoiaf]

Thoughts and Feelings: A Game of Thrones (Prologue)

I made this sideblog so I could basically try to put my thoughts about different chapters of this series together! A Song of Ice and Fire is my favorite fantasy series, and I have a lot of feelings on the matter. I’ve also been hyperfixated on it for, uh... a very long time. I have a processing disorder, which may make this weird to read, but whatever, here we go!!!  

Synopsis:

The prologue is told from the point of view of Will, a ranger in the Night’s Watch. He had previously been a poacher from around Seagard in the Riverlands, before being arrested and sent north. We start with Will observing a disagreement between his two comrades, Gared, a veteran ranger, and a high-born newcomer, Ser Waymar Royce. Will had apparently found some wildlings they’d been tracking, and says they’re dead. Gared and Will are both afraid in the wilderness for reasons unknown to them and want to return to the Wall, but Waymar insists on investigating the bodies (belittling both of his comrades while doing so, because he’s 18 and kind of a tit). When Gared insists the cold killed the wildlings, Waymar shows that he’s not all talk and points out that it isn’t nearly cold enough to kill all those people. Waymar wins and they head off. Gared is eventually left behind to guard the horses, and Waymar insists he light no fire, which pisses Gared off big time. Once Will and Waymar get to where he found the bodies, Will is dismayed to find the bodies have all disappeared. He’s ordered to climb a nearby sentinel tree (which I assume is a type of evergreen) to see if he can spot where they went, and that’s when the uneasy atmosphere pays off. Below, Will sees an otherworldly creature approach Waymar, followed by others of its kind. Waymar fights this Other, but its iciness causes Waymar’s sword to shatter, and the young man is killed. It seems as if Will will escape to warn his brethren about this threat, but before he can leave, he is attacked and presumably strangled by a suddenly undead Ser Waymar.

Notes:

-Will is a poacher from the Riverlands, age unknown. Arrested and sent to the Wall after poaching near Seagard by House Mallister. He’s been with the Watch for 4 years.

-They’ve been tracking raiders for 9 days through the haunted forest, heading northwest. Will and Gared have been feeling unusually uneasy.  

-Gared is roughly in his 50s, and has been with the Night’s Watch for about 40 years. He’s lost his ears, a pinky finger, and three toes to frostbite over those years.

-Ser Waymar Royce is the youngest son of Lord Royce from the Vale. He’s been with the Night’s Watch for less than 6 months, but has been given command of this ranging because he’s high-born. He’s 18, very proud, kind of a dick, but also smarter and braver than he seems.

-GRRM first shows his penchant for describing clothing in meticulous detail. I love it. Waymar be stylin’.

-Gared tries to insist that the wildlings were killed by the cold, but Waymar points out that a bunch of grown adults, with shelter and the means to make fire, aren’t going to die of cold when it’s still warm enough for the Wall to be melting.

-Waymar’s big war horse and fine cloak are absolutely not right for a ranging. I assume Waymar would have learned eventually, like all highborn have to on the Wall.

-Gared is left behind before they reach the bodies, so someone can watch the horses. He and Will are both REALLY uneasy now, and Gared wants to light a fire, but Waymar is insistent that they not do that.

-When they get there, the bodies are gone. Waymar’s pretty pissed, but Will notices that the wildlings left a valuable axe behind. He thinks something is very wrong here, but Waymar orders him to climb a nearby fir tree to find the wildlings.

-While up there, Will and Waymar both notice it gets really fuckin’ cold all of a sudden. Then the first Other emerges. It’s wearing beautiful, camouflaged armor, and its sword looks like it’s made of crystal.

-Five more Others emerge from the trees, but don’t interfere as Waymar shows great bravery in fighting the first one. He fights well, but the Other’s iciness freezes Waymar’s sword and causes it to shatter. The poor kid is then butchered by the six monsters.

-Will keeps hiding in the tree until they leave, and then climbs down. He figures if he takes the frozen sword to his commanders at the Wall, they’ll know what’s going on. Waymar comes back as a wight before he can leave, though, and wraps his hands around Will’s throat. It is assumed Will dies here, and the chapter ends.

Thoughts:

GRRM is so goddamn good at atmosphere. I think it’s his strongest point. When he wants to write horror, he does. The haunted forest feels genuinely unnerving, and it’s easy to see why Gared and Will are freaked out. I have to wonder if Waymar didn’t feel it too, and was just putting on a brave face.

We’re already given a pretty good idea about the setting, with its years long seasons. Important characters like Lord-Commander Mormont, Maester Aemon, and King Robert all get mentions, as do families like House Royce and House Mallister. The Night’s Watch is set up as an organization guarding the northern border of the Seven Kingdoms from the so-called wildlings beyond, and we’re told of the massive ice wall that helps them guard it. Will’s position as a former poacher gives us a hint to the Watch’s currently state as a glorified penal colony.  

It also becomes apparent immediately that, despite other characters later trying to tell us that everyone in the Night’s Watch gets what they earn, this isn’t the case. Waymar is only 18, and brand new to the Watch, and yet has been given command just because of his high birth. One would think the very experienced Gared would be better suited for that.

Waymar’s a real dick, but honestly, most 18 year olds are dicks. Wealthy 18 year olds are even worse. I’d like to think that, if given the time to grow up and gain experience, Waymar would have become a better person. He already showed that he wasn’t stupid, and was brave, which are both good starting points. Even Will feels sorry for him when he dies. He really was just ‘a boy’.

Gared’s insistence on lighting a fire to ward against ‘other things’ in the forest is interesting. Maybe some kind of subconscious memory humanity has, about fire being a weakness of the Others? Given the circumstances, Waymar isn’t exactly wrong about not lighting a fire, though. If you don’t know about the Others, then you don’t want enemies to potentially spot you.  

The Others seem to cause the area around them to become really cold when they arrive. Either that, or they show up WITH the random bouts of cold. Probably the former.

Their armor changes color, depending on where they are, so they can blend in with shadows, foliage, and snow. That sounds really pretty. The armor’s probably made out of magical ice, like the rest of them. Their crystal swords are neat.

The Others speak their own language, which sounds like ‘the cracking of ice on a winter lake’ and their laughter is ‘sharp as icicles’.

From how they’re described, I picture them as humans made from cold itself. The way GRRM has described them is a lot like the Unseelie Court. They sound terrifying, but also strangely beautiful. And they seem to hate humans, since they laugh as they butcher Waymar.

I noticed that the Other briefly stops when Waymar draws his sword. Was it checking to make sure the sword wasn’t Valyrian steel or dragonglass? I can’t imagine regular metals scare them at all.

Will feels conflicted about not calling out to warn Waymar about the Others, but also knows that if he did that, they would know where he was. It’s a real moral dilemma, the kind where you can’t really know what you would do, unless you found yourself in that same situation.

And then there’s the sudden introduction of the wights. If this was a movie (or a better TV show), you know the audience would jump when Will looks up to see dead!Waymar standing there. RIP Will and Waymar. We hardly knew ye. And the Seven Kingdoms have no idea what’s coming for them.

Gared’s fate will be learned later.  

[svetlanabelikova]

Journaling (I)

content warning for the following:

self hatred

fat shaming

talk of surgery

topic of weight loss

i supposed this is my commencement post of my “journaling” series. i know that isn’t really a word but in art, anything can be a word or phrase if you put the meaning into it. i debated if i wanted to start another sideblog for this-- but i already have like,,, 7 or 8 at this point. adding another is too much of a hassle. I remember back in like 2008 or so i made an attempt at one of these on my old personal livejournal-- yeah i had one of those, with pictures and everything but i just ended up hating it and trying to delete everything after a couple weeks to hide from it. i’m sure google still has the photos somewhere. so, why am i doing this? what is this about? it feels embarrassing to even say it but i’m doing it because i need to. on monday (9.16.19) i attended something called a “shared decision making class”. which i literally didn’t know what it was until the presenter started up the giant tv screen and it was the first slide in her presentation. what was the decision, you hopefully are asking, well it was on what weight loss programs were available and which we would like to pursue. i am fat. that’s not like a dig at myself-- thought im sure i’ll make a few of those before this post is done. it is a fact. i am fat. no, im not just fat, i’m what the kids call ‘morbidly obese’. on the body mass index or BMI (which i know is not a very scientific look at one’s stature and actual weight to fat ratio but it is the easiest to calculate quickly), there are 4 categories: normal, overweight, obese and extremely obese.  you find your place in these categories by cross-referencing your weight and your height. very messy but simple. i am about 40ish pounds over the ‘extremely obese’ category for my height.  which feels fucking disgusting to say and i hate myself a little more every time i allow myself to really think about that.  but it is still a fact. at one point while living pretty much alone, i was able to get back down to the border between extreme and garden verity obese, but after moving back in with my parents, i sailed on from those clear waters out into the storm. in the class we were told there was several different paths to choose from: behavioral support (i.e. a food anonymous group meeting once a week), a meal replacement program, medically induced starvation or surgery. each one will allow you to lose a percentage of your body fat. 10%, 15%, 25% and 40% respectively. i need to lose about 70%. i am more fat than me.  that idea came to me late last year.  i am more fat than i am me. for a long time i felt like i was carrying around an extra person. like i had this whole other being, another me, that was just dead weight. she only woke up when i was naked and i hid when i looked in the mirror, the rest of the time she wrapped herself around me, arms and legs tangled around my hips and thighs. but then, it hit me one night while i was in the shower:  i am more fat than i am me. this isn’t another person. this isn’t someone i am equal to. this is something that is smothering me. it isn’t a she that i am cursed to care for, it is an infection. a blight on my body. in my body. something that has slipped in years ago and germinated.  i’ve always been fat. i see pictures of myself when i was 5 and i was already chunky. one of the few early memories i still have is trying to find new clothes before i started 6th grade. i had to shop in the adults section. i was 11 years old and was wearing the biggest clothes in the adult section. it wasn’t even like i could just shop in the small adults or anything, no i had to go to the very end of every rack in the adults’ section of the clothing store. by time i was in high school, i could only get clothes in plus size stores.  i was the 3rd fattest kid in my entire high school. there was one guy and one girl that were bigger than me. that’s it. in a school of nearly 4,000 students, i was 1 out of 3 of the fattest people, including teachers. when people talk about how much they hated school there are few ways to hate yourself more than being the third fattest kid in school and having to buy the biggest shirt available in the school store for physical ed. class and it still being about 2 sizes too small. i literally failed freshman year p.e. because i was too embarrassed to even go into the locker room. and before that, in 7th and 8th grade, we did swimming in p.e. i hated it beyond words. 7th grade i still had some of that childhood ignorance not to notice that everyone was laughing at me, but by 8th grade, i knew. we were allowed 5 days out of the entire month to not get in the pool to swim and i took all those and more.  i’ve always been fat, but i’ve been fat in a family full of fat people. i was still one of the biggest people in my family, but i had 1 cousin that was bigger than me. well, about 7 months ago, she got weight loss surgery. i saw her for the first time in mid july and... i am no longer the second fattest person in the family. i wear the crown for prize heifer.  this surgery is horrifying to me. it is cosmic horror level scary to me. it is reshaping the human body to become wholly unrecognizable. it is permanently altering the natural dynamic of the human body into something constructed, something a mad scientist with a love of anatomy and no humanity would conceive. and even that won’t be enough. the surgery alone will only lower my BMI by 40% over 1-3 yr.s and i need to lose 70%.  i try to focus on the pure numbers alone.  surgery                   -40% group therapy         -10% meal replacement   -15% total                         -55% that still isn’t enough. that would still leave me floating around the middle of the obese category of the BMI. and i know physical activity isn’t entirely factored in here but i have a messed up knee from an injury i got as a kid and bad ankles and feet from carrying around all this fat for a quarter of a century. i need to lose as much weight as possible to get enough stress off my back and legs and internal organs to be able to add in a physical activity routine. when i was in my early 20s i used to work out every night. i would put my headphones in and just dance hard to rave music for an hour or go walking around my neighborhood for awhile, but the body wears down fast and i just physically can’t do that anymore.  there is also the mental side of this. the idea that i will try to do all this and just utterly fucking fail. that i waste time, money and resources. but that will have to be for another post.  today i have another appointment with my case assigned nurse. she is going to weigh me and then probably talk to me brutally and honestly. she works in a hospital that treats nothing but fat people so nothing about me will be unique or out of the ordinary for her, other than maybe my fun combination of gall bladder issues, lactose intolerance, tonsil stones and chronic migraines/headaches. they are all fun road blocks that have stood in my way for years so i’m sure she will have a whale of a time (no pun intended) trying to navigate this path with me. she is going to talk to me about meal replacement, which i am not siked about. i spent all yesterday drinking shakes that tasted like a bottle of tylenol blended with water and strawberry milk powder or eating puffed rice bars that were not awful but not really good either. the soup was just, bad. no matter how many spices i put in it i couldn’t get it to stop tasting like an entire handful of crayola chalk dissolved in water near a can of chicken soup.  those will be fun ways to describe the “food” to her today, lamo. i hope she’s got a sense of humor. 

[thing-you-do-with-that-thing]

Seasons of Love - Heat of Summer Challenge (SPN and MCU)

I’m late posting this I know. I have and still am struggling with an ear infection and I have been insanely busy and is to an extend out of a laptop. I am borrowing. Which is also why I added 25 sentence prompts instead of gifs. Sorry to those of you who were working mostly off the gifs but not having my own computer atm made those impossible for me.

Do I have to taken part in in the previous seasons?

Nope.

If I do all do the stories have to be linked?

No. They can be but that is not an acquirement.

If I do them all do I have to write the same pairing each time?

Nope.

Will you read and reblog my fic?

You betcha :D I am behind on reading for previous challenges so patience is a virtue here

Do my fic have to be summer themed?

Since it is the idea of the challenge - yes I am afraid so.

When Do I Post?

Between right now and August 31st. Sign Ups start now and ends when there are no more prompts

RULES - READ PLEASE!

Due Date: August 31st

Word min: 500 words

Word Max: 5k words

Style: It can be a drabble, one shot or beginning of a series. Do not put in in the middle of an ongoing series since I plan on reading them and don’t want to read 10 parts of something to understand the entry. IT CAN BE THE END OF A SERIES IF YOU ARE DOING FOUR PART ONE FOR EACH PART OF MY CHALLENGE WHICH I WOULD LOOOOVE!

Genre: Fluff, smut, angst are all welcome. DO NOT write smut if you are under the age of 18 and tag everything with appropriate warnings. AUs are more than welcome!

Limits on what you can write: No Mommy/daddy kinks, no non/dub con, no A/B/O, no glorification on cheating, no wife or actor hate in rpfs! - if you got any questions at any time feel free to send me an ask.

Format: State in your A/N that it is for my (thing-you-do-with-that-thing if SPN and until-theend-oftheline if marvel) Seasons of Love - Heat of Summer challenge. And use the # SoL - Heat of Summer challenge in the first 5 tags.

Submit: After you posted on tumblr you have to add yourself and your fic to this doc.  If you don’t do this you will not be added to the masterlist I create when the challenge is over. If you got questions - just ask :D

Doc link it case tumblr is an ass: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1JHXAfi0yczcGLCd5s_FtcCkJqKocVF8faq-Vih4xepI/edit?usp=sharing

How do I join?

You pick a prompt and a pairing off the list. Send me the prompt number along with a backup just in case and your pairing of choice. ASKS ONLY!! REPLIES, REBLOGS AND IMS WILL BE IGNORED!

There are no limits on the pairings but I only allow 1 person per prompt so think before you sign up. If you don’t think you will be doing it then don’t take the spot from someone else. Prompts and Pairings are under the cut!

Pairings:

No male readers - gender neutral are fine!

General Fics - character or rpf are both fine.

Sister/daughter/romantic/friendship reader pairings for following are all fine - just let me know which:

Jensen

Dean

Misha

Cas

Jared

Sam

Ships (all are allowed as poly with reader too):

Destiel

Deonna

Megstiel

Saileen

Cockles

Jensen x Danneel

Jared x Genevieve

AS SOMETHING SPECIAL THIS TIME I WILL ALLOW MARVEL PAIRINGS - if you write any of those they will be reblogged to my sideblog until-theend-oftheline and not here. It’s still me though.

No male readers - gender neutral are fine!

General Fics - character or rpf are both fine.

Sister/daughter/romantic/friendship reader pairings for following are all fine - just let me know which:

Sebastian Stan

Bucky

Chris Evans

Steve

Chris Hemsworth

Thor

Tony

Clint

Sam

Nat

Wanda

Ships (all are allowed as poly with reader too):

Stucky

Winterhawk

SamBucky

BuckyNat

Clintasha

Chris Hemsworth x Elsa

WIFE HATE OR GIRLFRIEND HATE OR EX GIRLFRIEND HATE OF ANY KIND WILL GET YOU BLOCKED AND IT GOES FOR BOTH FANDOMS! I DON’T CARE IF YOU LIKE THEIR S/Os OR PREV S/Os BUT I AM NOT HERE TO READ FICS THAT SLAM PEOPLE DUE TO WHO THEY DATE.

No shaming of any pairings or ships I just have to read them and these are the things I prefer. On to the prompts:

Activity and word prompts

1 Heatwave @emilyevanston (Winterwidowhawk x reader)

2 Beach Day @deanssweetheart23 (Dean x Reader)

3 Barbeque @queen-of-deans-booty (Jensen x Reader)

4 Camping @sweetness47 (Jared x Reader)

5 Bonfire @docharleythegeekqueen (Stucky x Reader)

6 Cloud Watching @tngrayson (Steve x Reader)

7 Stargazing @torn-and-frayed (Jensen x Reader)

8 Skinny dipping @queen-of-deans-booty (Dean x Reader)

9 Volleyball

10 Horseback riding 

11 Painting the house @katymacsupernatural (Jared x Reader)

12 Running @roxyspearing (Steve x Reader)

13 Breakfast on the roof  @jaremish (Sam/Jared x Reader)

14 Watching the sunset @waywardnerd67 (Jensen x Reader)

15 Outdoor restaurant

16 Tanning

17 Sunburn @iwantthedean (Dean x Reader)

18 Water Fight @jayankles (Dean x Reader)

19 Hiding inside with the A/C

20 A/C broken @ruined-by-destiel (Sam Winchester x Reader)

21 Ice Cubes @sammy-moo (Sam Winchester x Reader)

22 Hot summer night @frejahertziswritingthistime (Sam Winchester x Reader)

23 Summer Rain @not-moose-one-shots (Sam Winchester x Reader)

24 Thunderstorm @oneshoeshort (Sam Winchester x Reader)

25 Icecream  @sweetness47 (Clint x Reader)

Song Prompts:

26 Bonfire Hearts - James Blunt

27 Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles

28 Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey @waywardrose13 (Dean x Reader)

29 Night Moves - Bob Seger

30 Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams  @sweetness47 (Dean x Reader)

31 Summer Nights - Grease  @sweetness47 (Misha x Reader)

32 Someone Somewhere - Simple Minds

33 Happier Than the Morning Sun - Stevie Wonder

34 California Girls - Beach Boys

35 Paradise City - Guns’n’Roses

36 Long Hot Summer - Keith Urban

37 Sangria - Blake Shelton @legion1993 (Chris Evans x Reader)

38 Toes - Zac Brown Band

39 Malibu - Miley Cyrus @queen-of-deans-booty (Chris Evans x Reader)

40 Drops of Jupiter - Train @tngrayson (Dean x Reader)

41 The Script - Breakeven

42 3 Doors Down - Here Without You

43 Cheerleader - OMI

44 Roses - The Chainsmokers

45 Adventure of a Lifetime - Coldplay

46 Avicii - Wake Me Up

47 Katy Perry - That’s How We Do

48 Of the Night - Bastille

49 Best Day of My Life - American Authors

50 Fireflies - Owl City @firefly124 (Sam Winchester x Reader)

Dialogue Prompts:

51 “The summer sun is not meant for boys like me. Boys like me belong in the rain”

52 “You’re hot!” “I know” “Not what I meant dumbass” @acreativelydifferentlove (Bucky x Reader)

53 “I never thought I’d say this but put on a shirt before you burn” @becs-bunker (Dean x reader)

54 “I told you I’d save you a seat in hell” @mysupernaturalfics (Steve x Reader)

55 “That’s not what I meant when I said we should have a bonfire!”

56 “Are you seriously going for a run in this heat?” @sixtysevenandwhiskey (Dean x Reader)

57 “If you throw me in I’ll kill you!” @peterman-parker (Thor x Reader)

58 “Why are you on the roof? We have guests over” @thorne93 (Clint x Reader)

59 “What are those balloons for?” “You’ll see” @queen-of-deans-booty (Sam Winchester x Reader)

60 “I think I am about to spontaneously combust” @princess-of-erebor1992 (Dean x Reader)

61 “Come for a swim with me?” @time-travel-bouqet (Sam Winchester x Reader)

62 “There is no music” @atc74 (Jared x Reader)

63 “Who do I have to kill for a cool breeze?!” @becs-bunker (Stucky x Reader)

64 “Ohmygod is that rain ever gonna stop?” @ladysimoriah (Megstiel)

65 “What do you expect me to do? I don’t know how to work that thing!”

67 “Stop laughing. I’m stuck!” @until-theend-oftheline (Winterfalcon x Reader)

68 “Dude! That’s not what ice cubes are for!”

69 “I love you but if you touch me right now I’m filling for a divorce!” @grantsgorgeousgirl (Bucky x Reader)

70 “Was that an explosion or thunder?” @roxyspearing (Dean x Reader)

71 “A little wind never killed anyone but a hurricane has!”

72 “Is that what I think it is?” @letsby (Tony x Reader)

73 “I think the surfboard just tried to kill me.”

74 “I wanna sleep under the stars tonight” @built-from-nothing (Dean x Reader)

75 “I always wanted a beach wedding” @docharleythegeekqueen (Destiel x Reader)