#i havent wrote anything decent in so long :'/

[letitiaslabyrinth]

ADDICTION

warnings: not a lot, mostly just alcohol addiction that ends in sobriety.

pairing: Shuri x You

word count: 662

a/n: havent written for my girl Shuri in a while. I've got a lot of relatives who drink but haven't gotten sober yet so if I wrote the sobriety wrong in any way, let me know please

not proof read.

Shuri drank a lot. Most of the time it was out of stress, which you understood seeing as how she's Queen, The Black Panther, and practically the main scientist in Wakanda. She had tasks and duties and projects to do every moment of every day and when she finally got time to herself, she'd stay home with you and drink.

You didn't mind, to be honest. She wasn't a "bad" drunk. She was quiet most times and when she wasn't quiet, she'd rant on and on about how much she loves you. She'd tell you how beautiful you look, no matter if you look decent or not. She loves you in your every being.

There were times when you would get upset about her drinking while she was drinking and she would always talk you down. Not in a bad way, Shuri doesn't like yelling to resolve an argument or a disagreement. It doesn't solve anything to raise your voice, it only makes you and the situation more hostile. Shuri would wait for you to stop talking and then politely ask if you could lower your tone. She doesn't do it to guilt trip or make you feel guilty or anything, she just can't stand yelling. And if you do actually lower your tone and calm yourself down, the two of you talk reasonably for hours. You tell her what happened, why you're mad, and how the situation escalated to the point where you had to raise your voice.

Even if you can't calm down, you tell her that you need a minute and you go to your room. Even when she's not sober, Shuri knows to give you your space when you ask for it. No matter how long it takes for you to unwind, you always end up going to Shuri and having the same conversation about why you're mad and so on.

Shuri, on the other hand, is calm when she's drunk. She doesn't get emotional when she's under the influence since she's drinking to forget her thoughts.

You've asked Shuri to drink a little bit less since you don't want her to get alcohol poisoning or something worse, and she slowly does. She goes from having a few drinks every time she has time off to distracting herself with whatever she can to take her mind off drinking. It was a little hard at first, not picking up the liquor bottle whenever Shuri saw it out and that's when she realized she had an issue. An addiction.

It took some years but with you by her side, she stopped drinking completely. It didn't matter to Shuri that she was calm when she drank, it was the fact that she couldn't go a single minute without having a drink. It was the fact that she had started bringing flasks with liquor in them while she was in the lab. 

Slowly, Shuri started to break her relationship with alcohol. She drank a lot of water or juice anytime she felt like she needed a drink and it worked for a while until it didn't. Then she tried exercising more, but that was beginning to get unhealthy. She tried eating to distract her, but that became unhealthy too. It wasn't until she started talking to you and journaling that she found a healthy way to cope with not drinking. Talking to you about any and everything that was on her find kept her busy, and when you weren't around when she was by herself, she wrote down her thoughts instead.

It's been two years since Shuri's last drink. You've never been so proud of her in your life. You're glad that she came to you when she did when she told you that she had an addiction and needed help beating it.

"I love you, Shuri," You say, kissing her on the forehead.

She leans into your touch, smiling. "I love you, too, baby. Thank you for being there for me."

[queenofsimpsblog]

believe me - shuri x reader

A/N: IM SO SORRY I HAVENT WRITTEN A DECENT STORY IN SO LONG!! LIFE HAS JUST BEEN REALLY HAYWIRE FOR ME RECENTLY, BUT HEY I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING!!

also heads up the reader is poc (obviously) but has a white father… BUT YOU BEST BELIEVE SHE MOCKS WHITE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME

i feel like at this point all the reader inserts in my stories have tony as their dad but a black/poc mom, and i kinda love the idea of tony simping for a woman of colour so we’re going with this

this story takes place about 2 years after wakanda forever

“i just get a bad vibe from her,” you ranted to riri as you did your hair for the day. your braids weren’t co-operating so you just decided to throw them up into low space buns.

“are you sure this ain’t just jealousy?” she asked and you snapped your head to your phone which was placed on your vanity.

“no! of course not! i just get a bad vibe from that mara chick,”

“maya,” riri corrected you and you rolled your eyes.

“yeah yeah whatever. the bitch is on to something. i’m telling you. besides. shuri is my best friend. i’m allowed to be protective over her.”

“right. and the fact that you confessed your feelings to shuri 3 months ago and the fact that she rejected you, has nothing to do with this. obviously,” you sneered at the girl staring back at you. riri had the habit of being way too honest sometimes. but you knew she meant well.

and technically, she wasn’t lying. you’d known shuri since your dad, tony stark, took you to meet t’challa. you were about 15 back then, and about 20 when your dad sacrificed his life to save the universe. as a symbol of goodwill and gratitude, t’challa invited you to move to wakanda, and you accepted the offer.

you became best friends with shuri since the day you met her. as predicted, you fell in love with her rapidly. after a lot of convincing from riri, you gathered up the courage to confess your feelings to her.

*flashback brought to you by riri’s speakers that okoye so graciously sliced in half*

you cleared your throat to get shuri’s attention. as always, she was in her lab, tinkering away on some invention of hers.

she raised her head to look at you. “hey, what’s up?”

“i need to talk to you. alone,” shuri nodded and grabbed your hand, leading you up the stairs of her lab to her ‘break room’ where you could have some more privacy.

“what bothers you?”

your pulse was racing. your heart was pounding. you thought to yourself: i’ve made it this far. i can do this.

“shuri, i have to confess something. i’m in love with you. i have been for a really long time. and i was so terrified to tell you. but i realised that i couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. it’s alright if you don’t feel the same way, but i just needed you to know.”

you looked up to make eye contact with shuri. her eyes showed shock, surprise, and then something you dreaded.

pity.

you knew the idea of her liking you was absolutely ridiculous. but seeing her look at you like that just felt as if someone ripped your heart out and tore it into a million shreds.

“i’m sorry y/n, but i don’t feel the same about you. and i guess i forgot to tell you that i… have a girlfriend,”

goddamnit it!

you didn’t say anything. you wanted to talk. but you just couldn’t. your throat just closed up. so you did what you thought was best, and just bolted out of the room. you could hear shuri call for you, but you didn’t have the heart to look back. you just ran, and went back to your apartment, and cried your eyes out.

*end of flashback*

you shook your head, trying to rid your mind of that memory. somehow, you and shuri still remained friends. she said that things didn’t have to be awkward between you both. it was sweet that she wanted the friendship to stay the same, but insensitive at the same time. i mean, how can she expect you to just move on like that?!

either way, you said goodbye to riri and gathered your things, leaving your apartment to head to the lab. you worked in weapon design, but today you were most likely to help with assembling as the lab was short staffed today.

you sighed as you walked into the lab, smiling at the dora milaje outside and making your way towards your station, where a bunch of your unfinished works lay taunting you.

you cracked your knuckles and hit play on your lab playlist, shrugging off your jacket as you grabbed a screwdriver. you spent the next hour or so fixing up the first project before moving on to the second one. you were, how you say, ‘in the zone’. your day was going very productive, until your focus was interrupted by a fit of giggles.

“baby, stop,” a voice giggled out. you didn’t need to turn around to see who it was.

maya. the girlfriend who you just didn’t like.

“i can’t help it, usana. i just love you so much,” shuri spoke and then you heard them kissing. the thought itself made you wanna throw up.

“yeah okay i can’t take more of this,” you said and turned up the volume. ‘girls in the hood’ by megan thee stallion blasted in the lab as you lifted a hammer, trying to fix up the piece of vibranium you needed to finish off the modified spear you were making.

“y/n, hey!” shuri said as she walked up to you, turning down the volume of your music to be able to talk to you better.

“hi shuri,” your gaze stayed on the hammer, not wanting to look at her.

she cleared her throat. “so… what you working on?”

“the modified spear. if i can build it right, this one should be able to electrocute people when wielded. the blueprints look great, but i didn’t realise how tedious it would be to build this stupid thing,” you huffed out and shuri laughed. god, you loved her laugh.

“anyways, i wanted to ask if you were coming to the party this saturday?” you looked up at her in confusion.

“maya wanted to throw one. she thinks i need to let loose more,” shuri sighed, “i need a friend there to help me get through the night,”

you laughed at the image of shuri pushing her way through the crowded dance floor. she hated crowds like that.

“yeah, for sure, i’ll be there. i’ll drag riri too,”

shuri cheered and you smiled at her stupid antics. you talked to each other for a few more minutes until you were disrupted.

“hi, my love,” maya looped her arms around shuri’s waist and stared at her with a look of ‘adoration’. you could easily tell it was fake, but shuri looked really happy and you didn’t want to ruin it for her.

“hello maya,” you sneered out and managed to shoot her a fake smile. she returned it. “i hope you’re coming to the party i’m throwing?”

“wouldn’t miss it,” you grimaced. she chucked and looked you up and down. “i hope you dress well this time,” this bitch had a fucking death wish to talk to you like that. the only thing stopping you from yeeting your wrench at her face was that shuri was right in front of you.

“anyways, if you’ll excuse me, i really need to finish this,” you ushered maya away. shuri frowned at your behaviour but understood that you had work to do and left as well. before you knew it, the day ended and you were on your way back home.

you changed into some pyjamas and made a sandwich for dinner, not having the energy to make something too elaborate. just as you were about to take the first bite, your phone rang. you groaned and answered the call.

“bitch who takes so long to pick up a call?!” riri’s voice bursted from the phone.

“i was eating dinner,” you mumbled, eating your sandwich.

“okay, listen. summer break starts tomorrow and shuri asked me to come to wakanda for the month. i’m obviously gonna be living with you the entire time,”

“duh,”

“oh and before i forget! she told me about some party maya’s throwing this weekend?!” you rolled your eyes at the mention of her name.

“yeah, i really don’t wanna go but i don’t have a choice,”

“i still don’t get why you hate maya so much. i’ve texted her a couple times and she seems really nice.” you gasped dramatically in mock betrayal.

“dude i don’t really know how to explain it. it’s just… you know when you meet someone and they act nice to you but you can kinda tell that they’re faking it? it’s something like that. i’m telling you, she doesn’t actually love shuri. she’s just using her. but obviously i can’t go tell shuri about this without sounding crazy. so i need to gather evidence,”

“evidence?! girl this ain’t no damn cop show!”

“you trust me, right?” you asked your friend.

riri sighed. “of course i do. i always do. i just think that you might be blowing this out of proportion a little bit. it’s completely plausible that maya is a normal girl that shuri is into. and honestly, it’s a little unhealthy for you to fixate on this so much.”

you raised an eyebrow. “what do you mean?”

“you’ve been ranting about how ‘evil’ maya secretly is. but has she ever actually done something shady? besides, you’re supposed to be getting over shuri. planning on how to prove maya is a bitch— which she isn’t— isn’t gonna help. you have to move on. you have to let her go.”

“look, i get where you’re coming from. but i promise you, this isn’t jealousy. yeah, shuri rejected me. and yeah, it hurt a lot. but above all of that, she’s one of my best friends. and i want her to be safe. my gut is telling me that maya is not what she seems like. and i have to tell that to shuri, but i gotta find some dirt on her to prove it.”

riri rolled her eyes again. “if you don’t stop this crazy talk…”

“i just care about shuri. i want her to be happy, and we both know a shady girlfriend isn’t gonna help with that.”

eventually riri got fed up and just yelled, “okay fine fine! if you shut up about her for the rest of the week, we can keep a close eye on her at that party. as long as you stop hyper-fixating on this every second of the damn day,”

you cheered as riri laughed. both of you talked for a while longer until you hung up to go to sleep.

*one week later*

it was the night of the party and you and riri were in your room, getting ready together.

riri picked out a sparkly white tank top and some wide legged jeans, while you picked a sparkly black dress with full sleeves that stopped mid thigh. both of you did each others makeup and took a billion pictures before getting in a cab to go to the party venue.

maya decided to host the party at club purple, which she happened to own. you’d been there a couple times before, and knew that the third floor of the building was off limits for everyone else. you figured that if maya was hiding something, it would probably be there, seeing as she didn’t even let shuri enter that floor.

you and riri soon made it to the club and got inside, instantly spotting shuri and maya talking to some other people. you made a beeline to shuri and gave her a hug.

okay so technically speaking you weren’t fully over shuri, but hey, who’s asking?

“yay, you made it!” shuri smiled at you and then moved to hug riri.

“oh i love your outfit riri,” maya looked her up and down and shot her a smile. riri seemed to have bought it but you knew it was fake. you talked to them for a few minutes before maya left to greet some other guests.

you, shuri, and riri were sitting at this booth in one of the farther edges of the club. it was relatively secluded, but you could still hear the loud bass of the music. it was the perfect place to talk.

“so, riri, how’s college going?”

“oh well my last year starts in like 3 months, and then i have an internship at stark industries which starts in july, so i’m super psyched for that,” riri smiled.

you all continued to talk about your lives, while waitresses kept bringing you drinks and a couple snacks.

(a/n: i’ve literally never been to a club so i’m making this shit up, sry if it’s not accurate)

“these are courtesy of the owner,” the waitress winked at riri and walked away. you looked at your friend as she smiled sheepishly and shrunk into her seat.

“oh my god, i think she’s into you,” you laughed as riri dismissed you with a wave of her hand.

“no, no, club girls just like that,”

“bitch don’t be stupid! go talk to her, shuri and i will be fine here,” you ushered riri to go meet the waitress, leaving you and shuri alone.

“so,” you turned to look at shuri. “you having fun?” she rolled her eyes in annoyance and you laughed.

“shut up, you know i hate clubs,”

“i honestly don’t get why you dislike them so much. they can be pretty fun,”

“i don’t get what’s fun about paying 15 dollars for one drink and then dancing with a bunch of strangers and ending the night by crying in a disgusting bathroom,”

you laughed at her oversimplification of clubbing.

“well, when you’re with the right people, club nights aren’t that bad. unless you’re with a dirty skank who ditches you the moment you get here,” you said and took a large sip of your drink.

shuri looked taken aback and slightly offended at your answer. “was that a dig at maya?”

“what?! no,” you scoffed and tried to hide your lie. shuri knew something was up with you.

“is there something you want to tell me, y/n? something about maya?”

you sighed. maybe trying to talk to shuri might help you.

oh god. you were SO wrong.

“look, it’s not that i don’t like maya. she seems pretty alright. i just get a bad vibe from her,” you mumbled, hoping she wouldn’t hear you. but alas! for the heart shaped herb blessed her with enhanced hearing.

“why do you dislike her? and don’t tell me you don’t, cause i catch the way you glare at her whenever she comes nearby. she’s just trying to get along with you,” you could tell that shuri was starting to get pissed off. you didn’t wanna fight with her, especially at the club her girlfriend owns. so you tried to be as nice as your drunk ass could be.

“shuri, i’m your best friend! it’s my job to be wary of the people you surround yourself with. i’m just trying to keep you safe,”

“safe? oh please, you’re just jealous that i love maya and not you,” she spat out.

ouch. that stung.

at that point, you decided to just give up. clearly, shuri wasn’t going to believe you. so why bother?

you grabbed your purse with your phone and stormed off. maybe shuri tried to call for you. maybe she didn’t. you couldn’t hear much anyways as the club music blasted through your ears. you moved to a part of the club where shuri wouldn’t be able to see you. you managed to glance at riri who was talking to the waitress from earlier. you smiled at the sight.

at least one of us is having fun tonight.

you started moving your body to the beat of the music. the alcohol finally affected you as you lost the burning sensation in your heart. a girl came up to you and began to dance with you. you thought, ‘ah what the hell’ and danced with her. for a moment, you forgot about all of it. maya. shuri. everything. you lost yourself in the music and whined your hips, slowly stopping your movements when you saw maya stealthily walking up to the elevator and going to the third floor.

now, a normal person would just forget about it and continue dancing. maybe get another drink. some food. hell, a normal person might’ve even decided that they partied enough and would’ve left to go back home.

but you weren’t normal. not at all.

so you did what you originally planned to do. you left the dance floor and followed maya to the third floor, trying your best to avoid all the guards littered everywhere. she turned to go to another side of the floor, but you unfortunately didn’t see that and so you began to investigate.

somehow, you sobered up fast and your feet led you to the room at the farthest end of the hallway. the door was, surprisingly, unlocked which in hindsight was not a good sign, but then again, you were too invested to catch maya than to care about that.

the room wasn’t brightly lit, so you used your phone torch to see better. you saw a drawing board with a bunch of papers about shuri, her inventions, her security passwords, her secrets.

you took a picture of that before turning to the computer in front of you. you opened it up and it asked for a password or touch ID. you sighed and looked around the room, when you spotted some tape and a bookshelf with one book popping out. you looked at the title: beginners guide to hacking into servers.

you chuckled to yourself. holy shit, i was right all along.

there was an ink stain with a few fingerprints surrounding it. she must’ve tried to clean it up and made the stain worse by accident. you took a small piece of tape, put it over the fingerprint, and gently peeled it off. then, you moved the tape to the pad of the computer for the touch ID, and it unlocked the device.

there were multiple folders and they were all messy and disorganised, but a few caught your eye.

there was one folder titled ‘work’. you opened it and were welcomed with a billion documents. one of them titled ‘wakandan weaponry database’.

turns out, the file had tons of classified information that other countries could’ve used to take down wakanda. it was filled to the brim with details about wakanda’s army, their architecture, and ‘potential spots to attack’.

your gut instinct was right. maya was bad news. she was trying to harm the country you loved so dearly. the country where your love resides. but why? what was her motive?

quickly taking pictures of all those documents, you shut the laptop and got up from the desk, rummaging around to try and find maya’s real identity.

unfortunately, your ‘snooping around session’ was cut short.

“what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

JDHDNSHSHSYSWH I HOPE YALL LIKED THIS

should i make a tag list for part 2?

[mithliya]

Anon providing context with state ballots again. Frankly, I do not consider voting to be a “moral” thing so much as I consider it to be a pragmatic thing. Biden is absolutely horrific on Palestine and I wrote in “uncommitted” during the primary as a protest myself because of it. However, I am someone who both believes that the tiny degrees of less bad do definitely matter and based on Trump’s comments (including comments he made where he advocated for nuking Gaza) I am confident that he would be significantly worse if you can imagine it. Biden is also markedly better on labor, social policies, and the environment and as a working class millennial lesbian who will have to live on this planet for several more decades that is very significant to me. However, I think the most important thing I can say regarding this election is that I can not in good conscience drop out of the political system entirely because one of those guys is going to be in office come January unless the revolution comes before then and… honestly all of the people who are big talk about that are huge larpers so I absolutely have my doubts here. May as well be the marginally less bad one who doesn’t have explicit dictatorial aspirations.

hmm yeah i just dont know if i think theyre any different. theres some areas where i do think there may be a difference like perhaps if trump came back into power then he might outlaw gay marriage for example but i havent seen evidence of biden being better with social policies or on labour or women's rights or most things rly and i find trump's talk and biden's actions irt israel/palestine to be equally disturbing & therefore i find it hard to argue one would be significantly worse in that regard. ill repeat again bc i dont want this to be misconstrued that ultimately i am powerless to who americans vote for and what they choose to do about their country's corrupt system but i do find the american mindset around it to be disturbing especially how every election theres this pressuring of people to choose between two awful choices bc otherwise theyre ~throwing away their vote~ or ~helping [presumed worse choice] win~ and thus discouraging anything that does not further enable this system. like when people were writing in the "uncommitted" thing during the primaries there were already people arguing that u have to choose biden there bc otherwise ur giving ur vote to trump. and after seeing this cycle repeat over and over again for as long as ive been old enough to understand US politics at least to a decent enough degree (which isnt that long), it just feels exhausting as an onlooker seeing the only people who actually CAN do sth about their govt throw their hands up and say they cant do anything.

[poison-note]

I'm going thru some of the files I have on my phone and I came across an essay I wrote junior year of high school and god is it depressing.

For context the essay is titled "The Curse: Adulthood" and just the entire thing is just me baring my soul and about how I felt about growing up.

It is dreadfully sad. I remember rewriting it several times because it was too dark. I was in a bad place and I didn't want my teacher to have to call home because I was saying adulthood makes me wanna die.

It is a extremely good essay tho. Poetic even. Idk if anyone else would think so but legit made me cry rereading it.

[violetevents]

kiss me goodnight

pairing: steve/eddie word count: 1,4k july writing challenge: day 4. “tonight, let’s forget about the rest of the world” (other entries) a/n: wrote two whole steddie fics and then realized I HAVENT EVEN MADE THEM KISS. so. here’s a third fic to rectify that. featuring a steve who tries to flirt and then immediately realizes his mistake, and an eddie who’s actually really good at flirting because you know what? i really like to think he is

set somewhere before the start of season four

Steve doesn’t like going to party’s much anymore. But Robin begs him to come, because Vickie might be there and she’s terrified of going alone, so in the end he gives in.

So there he is, standing in the kitchen of whoever the fuck is throwing this party, drinking whatever the fuck Robin poured into his cup, watching Robin awkwardly try to make eye contact with Vickie in the living room.

He watches her a little longer, sending her ‘just go fucking talk to her’ eyes, and Robin frowning at him from across the room. Eventually he gives up, chucks his red solo cup in the bin, and heads outside for some fresh air.

There, behind a shed in the back of the garden, smoking a cigarette like that’s a normal place to do so, is Eddie Munson.

Steve was aware of Eddie’s existence through most of high school, despite them never talking. It was kind of hard not to be aware of the guy. But he’s never paid much attention, not until Mike and Dustin started attending high school and subsequently Hellfire Club.

Now, he has to hear about Eddie this, Eddie that, nonstop. It should be annoying, but it’s kind of endearing. He’s just glad the boys have found a proper role model to look up to. One that actually shares their nerdy interests and can properly level with them. Unlike Steve, who just zones out the second they start trying to explain their current D&D campaign.

It’s this curiosity with the guy that stole Mike and Dustin’s heart, that makes him walk over. “Got one to spare?” He says, nodding at the pack of cigarettes Eddie’s holding in his hand.

“Sure,” Eddie says, and then does a clear double take when he sees who he’s dealing with. “King Steve, as I live and breathe.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Lost my crown a long time ago, Munson.” He accepts the cigarette and the lighter Eddie hands him.

“Being a true king is about heart,” Eddie says, dead serious. “And if Dustin’s to be believed, you’ve got plenty of that.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Dustin’s an idiot,” he says, fondly.

Eddie snorts. “He really is, isn’t he?” He sounds fond, too. It relaxes something in Steve’s shoulders. It’s nice to see the guy his boys care about cares about them, too. “So, what brings you to this neck of the woods? You don’t seem like the type for these kind of parties.” The ‘not anymore’ hangs unspoken between them.

“Robin,” Steve says, and even though that explains nothing, Eddie nods like it’s an acceptable answer. “You?”

“Boredom,” Eddie says, shrugging. He takes a drag of his cigarette, leans back against the wall, and well. Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck. He looks hot.

Listen, Steve’s not an idiot. He knows, deep down, that maybe he’s a little bit into guys, too. There’s been guys before. So his attraction to Eddie Munson really isn’t that weird, all things considered. It’s not like he has to do anything with it.

He lights his own cigarette, takes a drag, and doesn’t miss the way Eddie seems to stare at his hand. “Here,” he says, handing back the lighter, intentionally brushing their hands together.

“Thanks,” Eddie says, quietly, almost breathless. And well. Interesting.

Fuck it, Steve thinks. Fuck it. If he’s going to figure out his sexuality, he might as well do it with Eddie Munson. Worst case scenario, Eddie isn’t into it and they part ways. From what he heard from Dustin and Mike, Eddie’s a decent guy. He wouldn’t rat him out if he wasn’t into it. So why not? Why not give this a shot?

So he puts on the Harrington charm. Leans his arm against the wall next to Eddie’s head. Takes a drag of his cigarette and lets the smoke curl out slowly. Cocks his head, smiles. “You here with anyone?” He asks, and watches as Eddie gulps audibly and cheers internally.

Still got it.

But then something in Eddie changes. He narrows his eyes at Steve for a second, like he’s trying to figure him out, and then he smiles, slowly, wickedly, dangerously. “No,” Eddie says, tilting his head and fluttering his eye lashes. “All alone. Watcha gonna do about it, pretty boy?”

And fuck. Goddamnit. In his admittedly quite terribly thought out plan, he hadn’t really counted on Eddie actually flirting back. He smiling at Steve, slowly inching closer to him, that wicked glint in his eyes that makes Steve’s knees knock together. “I, uh,” he says, eloquently.

Eddie smiles deviously, and pushes himself off the wall, before leaning an arm on either side of Steve’s head. “Don’t worry,” he says, and he’s close, so close, his breath fanning over Steve’s face. “I have some ideas.” And then he’s leaning closer, ever so closer, and oh my god he’s going to kiss Steve and suddenly Steve finds himself panicking.

“What if people see?” He whispers, and while he’s maybe a little concerned about that, he’s mostly concerned he’s not going to survive the feeling of Eddie’s lips on his.

“Don’t worry,” Eddie says, reaching up one of his hands to gently cup Steve’s face, rubbing his thumb over his cheek. “Nobody ever comes here. Tonight, let’s just forget about the rest of the world, yeah? It’s just you and me, baby.” And then his lips finally connect with Steve’s, and Steve is terribly grateful he’s leaning against a wall, because he’s pretty sure his legs would’ve given out otherwise.

The kiss is surprisingly soft, tender. Steve’s pictured kissing men, before, but he always thought it would be rough, more intense. This is surprisingly similar to kissing Nancy.

Or at least, it is until Eddie softly bites down on his lip, and Steve opens his mouth with a gasp, and then Eddie’s deepening the kiss and fucking hell.

Steve never, ever wants to stop doing this.

One of Eddie’s hands is still on his face, but the other has moved to his waist, gripping Steve’s shirt, and Steve feels his own hands flying up, needing to touch, and they come to rest on Eddie’s waist, his skin warm underneath the fabric of his t-shirt.

He would have stayed like that forever, he thinks, if Robin hadn’t chosen that exact moment to come looking for him. Steve pulls away from the kiss when he hears her yelling his name, eyes wide with shock. “That was..” He starts, but he has no words. Eddie’s face is still only inches from his, his lips red and swollen and his pupils blow wide and fuck he wants to kiss him again so badly.

So he does, pulling Eddie close for one last bruising kiss for finally letting go completely. “I’m sorry,” he says, when he hears Robin holler his name again. “I have to go.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, nodding dazedly, staring at Steve like he’s never seen him before, like Steve suddenly became this whole new person to him. “Yeah, of course. Go.”

So Steve walks away, refusing to look back even though he feels Eddie’s eyes on him the whole way back to the house, and it’s not until later that he realizes Eddie and him never talked about doing that again, sometime, maybe.

“Steve!” Robin yells, jumping on his back out of nowhere. He catches her easily, and walks towards the exit as she excitedly chatters in his ear about the conversation she had with Vickie. It’s not until they’re already in the car, that Robin turns to him with a frown on his face.

“Wait, where were you for most of the night? I didn’t see you for like. A good chunk there.”

Steve pointedly refuses to look at her. “Oh. Just. Catching some air in the yard.”

Robin rolls her eyes. “God, you’ve become so boring. Now come on, let’s go! I’m craving popcorn. You have popcorn, right? Hey, do you want to watch a movie before we go to bed? I am not tired like, at all. Oh, you want to watch Pretty In Pink again? I know you like that movie, don’t lie to me.”

Steve smiles fondly as Robin prattles on, and glances back to the house one last time. Eddie’s nowhere to be seen. Steve takes a deep breath, and starts the car. They might not have really talked about it, but he likes to think this isn’t the end. Just the start of something new. 

[blxetsi]

armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

[greyeyedmonster-18]

Hi! Can I ask about your writing process? Do you prefer to finish your multi chapter fics (especially the really long ao3 ones) first before publishing or do you write as you go? Do you create an outline or prefer to wing it? How do you go about worldbuilding?

(Sorry for so many questions, I’m really curious)

neverrrr apologize for questions! Also brave of you to ask me about this (as there are so many talented writers on here who have it together much more but im happy to help!!

Answers below the cut

1. I finish my fics before they go up on AO3. I won't publish anything unless ive got it written (usually badly, were about shitty first drafts here) from start to finish. Im AMAZED at writers who can write and publish and write and publish bit by bit. I wouldnt be able to do that. Like...what do you mean you havent written the ending yet???? ((Ive talked about not reading WIPs before because anxiety. But like it applies to my own work too. I need to know how it ends, i need to know EVERYTHING. So i feel bad sometimes breaking hearts when i know it ends happily and i just have to...watch the heartache)

2. When i start a fic, it starts with an idea and then i DUMP. Every single scenario i have, bits of dialogue, etc etc, gets dumped. And from the dumpage, i give myself an arbitrary chapter count (like literally ill say "13 chapters") and then make an outline number 1-13 and chronologue my dumping bits.

And then i wing it. So like with ten reasons, the idea was remus crying in car. And then i wrote bits around that...and then it kept going.

3. To me its about the characters and their relationships!! I actually dont think i world build particularly well ((you know who does? @theonlywolfpants)) and i really rely on the relationships and feelings to do it for me.

So like...for ten reasons it was in the U.P. i used memories that remus had to describe it? Or like his grumpy complaints? "Pumpkin patches in the fall, summer barbeques down by the lake" "took 40 minutes to get somewhere for decent coffee" "neighbors houses were too close together or too far apart" etc etc.

same with sirius in that fic. Im outing myself but you can go back and read but i never ever described what his house looked like or the "world" really. Or even what the coffee shop looked like (it was just done through remus's memories of studying there and cherry lattes)

SO I AM UNHELPFUL for this one. I think my answer is...the other part of making an imaginary world is thinking about how your people move in it?

Xoxo

[foxieflower]

Into the Night

Eddie/Waylon Post-Canon fic

so far i have 7 chapters on this thing and more to come as its now starting to become a slowburn fic, but i realize i havent posted any of them here so here ya go!

-----

Chapter 1 Snippet

He stayed in this hotel too long this time.

Waylon sat himself uncomfortably on the bed, knowing full well that he had enjoyed this solitude too much. Last time he was found in a week, but had already left well before that point in time, allowing himself a decent escape route. He was unsure how exactly those Murkoff employees kept finding him, but it was easier to ignore it and move ahead. Well, he thought that was the case…

The room began to spin as the reality of the situation caved in on Waylon; he’s been on the run for a year, surely he’d run out of money soon, and surely they would find him soon. Without a proper way to leap ahead of those on his tail, Waylon simply simmered in his anxiety, there was nothing he could do. The sound of the machines, of the alarms, of that riot that tumbled around him when he wrote that email two years ago, it was all clouding his brain again and he couldn’t focus on anything else in his darkened and musty hotel room.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/39185733/chapters/98041806

[dread-and-despair-dyke]

its almost funny how long a person can go without feeling happiness and not compulsively self destruct entirely. i have a note i wrote years ago when i felt vaguely calm or happy for half an hour, and i still try everything to feel that again, even just for a minute, to know that i am still capable of feeling happiness - but it never happens

as emo as this sounds, i dont know if i can recognise happiness . i feel anxiety, and i wonder if that feeling is actually happiness, and im just a whiny little bitch for not enjoying it like everyone else

i feel .. i dont know. the emotional numbing feeling of self destructive coping mechanisms. i dont think thats happiness.

i think of any 'happy' scenario and every time i do so, i consistently feel a deep deep despair . i dont think this is happiness either.

to avoid the bad emotions i sleep. but there is no happiness in sleep. i think it just takes the edge off of some of the harsher negative emotions when you wake up again

years are long . they are a long time to go without feeling positive feelings. i dont wish to die anymore, because i am so much more terrified of death than i was as a 14 year old kid trying to die, but it feels torturous to keep living . i recognise that many people feel this way- maybe even most people feel this way.

i wonder how you all keep living and being productive. I dropped out of school when things got bad and havent done anything since. I sit here and watch my potential to have a decent life in the future, i watch it rot away, i watch people tell me to pick up my act, and i do nothing because although i know i need to, i cant bring myself to do anything

[theunlovedcradily]

1.19.111AM

Man it's been a long ass time since I last wrote on here. A lot of emotional shit went down near the end of college with the girl from October's Past. I moved into a new place with a roommate and 4 other people (who are all fantastic people). I graduated College and I havent found a job that utilizes my degree, so I'm working at Best Buy until I do. And my god I'm having a decent time.

1. The girl from October's past and I went out to eat with my best friend and we hung out at her place afterwards. It was all fun until I left her place. I was starting to pry asking what's going on over there and if anything will go on. Seemed I still had great concern in what they did together. We had probably a week or two until we had to hang out together again to finish an assignment that determines if we graduate or not. We ended up finishing it, thank god lol. And I believe we ended on decent terms after discussing it with her on the last day of college. I still feel like I ruined her college experience, but when I tell other people this they kinda think the opposite and she kinda dug her own grave. You know, I dont disagree. I should put myself higher on the pedestal that I do. Anyhow she called me on my birthday while I was at a bar, which was sweet because no one ever calls me. I told her to call me back tomorrow or sometime to catch up and thanked her for the birthday wishes. We havent talked or interacted since then. But I'm thinking about calling her on her birthday. I dont wanna burn bridges, ya know. And I really appreciated her calling me on mine.

2. I love my roommates. They have been the most encouraging and accepting people I've probably ever met. I've enjoyed my time immensely with them and wish to keep it that way. The were talking about moving soon, which would fucking suck. But luckily they're staying for probably another year. I'm gonna be hella sad when they do move out.

3. My roommate who shares a room with me gets kinda moody and has gotten a girlfriend. This combination fucking sucks. Hes on his phone texting her literally all day and takes long ass calles on the weekends. It doesnt help that he gets into a super easy to aggro mood every other day. But hes been gone for about a month now, road tripped out to see family and should be coming back in February. Hes been asking me to do things but I totally do not want to. Like if hed would've came back when originally stated he wouldn't need me to do these things. Idk I'm just feeling very standoffish towards him. And I have a feeling I'm gonna have a love hate relationship when he immediately comes back.

4. I've started working at Best Buy in November and I've been hired on part time! I've made decent friends with the people over there and am excited to continue working there till I get an actual Software Development job. I changed up my look a little bit for the first time since middle school and everyone likes the new me! I feel like I have a decent chance at dating two people from working with em n stuff. Who knew all it took was getting out of the house to have new opportunities? Lol

That's the bulk of what has been going on between the last 7 months and now. Thanks for reading!

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[albrtmason]

would you share some hosea headcanons you have? i’d live to hear them! i agree fandom tends to ignore him.

this is mostly backstory because thats the person i am and i like thinking of things as a Story. these also arent super polished because i havent had the time recently to put proper research into them!!! and this got a LOT longer than i intended so im putting it under a cut haha 

so hosea was born in the early to mid 1840s (1843?) in the allegheny mountains in what is now west virginia (would have just been virginia then, wv didnt exist until 63). he grew up in a small community, largely agricultural, and like most people in appalachia at the time, his family were subsistence farmers. he had his mom and his dad and two younger sisters.

his dad was in and out of his life from the beginning, especially into his teenage years. but its also through him that hosea really got his first taste of what it was like to be an outlaw: his dad was a moonshiner, and eventually hosea started helping him run it (but not distill it). what money his father didn’t gamble away or spend in brothels helped to support the family, which was more than others in the community could say.

(his father of course did a lot more than just run moonshine, and hosea knew that, but he never got involved

when hosea was around 15 or 16 (so mid to late 1850s) his dad was arrested and, his mother having passed away a year or two before, his sisters were sent east to live with a distant aunt. (they kept contact for a while, sending letters, but communication trickled to an end when hosea was in his early 20s and he never heard from either of them again) hosea was considered old enough to fend for himself so he gathered up the little money he had left and whatever could be sold and he headed west for lack of anywhere else to go. initially he had wanted to get enough money to buy a place for him and his sisters to live, but that plan fell through pretty quick

(he knew from his time running ‘shine that the best way to get money wasn’t ever through honest work but rather under-the-table sort of work, the type of work that wasn’t strictly above-board, the type of work where he could do what he wanted whatever way that he wanted)

and he just kept going west, bouncing from town to town to town. he started out running moonshine because that’s what he knew best but he eventually moved on to pick pocketing, petty theft, eventually armed robbery and hitting people’s homes. he preferred conning people though, cheating at cards or rigging roulette, being friendly and silver-tongued enough to get a man blind drunk and rob him of all he had and be long, long gone by the time he sobered up

we know of course that he met dutch in the mid 1870s (i feel like there’s a specific date but i cant remember it rn and im too lazy to look) when they both tried to rob each other, so he would have been in his very late 20s or early 30s by that point, and decently comfortable in the life he’d built for himself. he never really had a specific goal that he worked towards, no plan for the future or anything; he was just living for the present, or whatever. dutch changed that, eventually

(you could put all sorts of vandermatthews stuff here if you wanted and maybe i’ll talk about it in another post but right now i won’t)

he met bessie a while after he met dutch cus they stuck around in one place a lot longer than they usually would, around a year or so, and he took to her almost immediately. she wasn’t astonishingly pretty or anything- was just average, really- but she was well-read and thoughtful and horribly witty and hosea was terribly in love with her. he proposed just before he and dutch skipped town and they got married.

i like to think that bessie ran around with them without actually committing any crimes herself. hosea had been very upfront with her about who he was and what he did once they started a romantic relationship. and it was good like that, for a few years; she and susan kept he and dutch in line and it worked. but eventually i think bessie would have gotten tired of being so transient; i think she would have wanted to settle, to have a family, to be normal. and i think on some level that hosea wanted that, too.

in 1878 or thereabouts they picked up arthur and hosea really threw himself into trying to help him, because while dutch may have seen something of himself in arthur, hosea DEFINITELY did: he saw a kid who’d lost both of his parents and his home, not by choice, trying to make it in the world, just trying to survive. and while years of crime had made hosea rougher, sharper, more sly and less remorseful, he’d never really lost his sense of empathy. i think that dutch liked arthur well enough when they first picked him up, but it’s hosea that really insisted on keeping him around

so hosea became a sort of mentor (and father figure, i guess, moreso than dutch was) to arthur, and along with dutch taught him how to read and write and draw (though hosea was more lettered, and dutch more artistically-inclined). they taught him how to shoot and ride a horse and how to rob and kill. i think at times, especially towards the beginning, hosea would feel a bit guilty about dragging a kid into that sort of life, but then he’d tell himself that arthur would have fallen into it anyway, and with worse people than he and dutch

eventually bessie wanted to settle and put down roots and live, and a part of hosea did as well, so they left the gang for a bit to try and make it work. but hosea didn’t really know any other life than being a criminal; he was smart, he was clever and deft-fingered and a quick learner, but he wasn’t a tradesman and i think he would have started to chafe at the constancy of it all, and so he went back to the gang because being a criminal was all he really knew

like he said in the game, bessie understood. she knew what he was, who he was- she knew him. and he loved her, loved her as much as someone like him could; they tried to make their marriage work, with him gone all the time, and he really hated how it sort of echoed his parents because a part of him had hated his father, hated him for how sad his mother looked all the time, how she’d occasionally sigh and stare out the window like she was waiting for something. he didn’t want to do that to bessie, didn’t want to become like his dad

occasionally he’d split off from the gang and go and see her, often for some weeks, maybe a month, before returning. she was always happy to see him and she never complained but he always felt just a little bit guilty, even though they wrote letters to each other as often as they could. eventually though bessie got sick, real sick, and he spent three months away to be with her, to love her and take care of her the best he could, and to pray she would get better. she didn’t, though, and so he’d had to bury his wife, and like he says in some camp dialogue he spent the next year or so drinking heavily, enough that he was rarely sober and pretty much drunk all the time

john was the apple of dutch’s eye when he was brought to them and while hosea did the same as he did with arthur- taught him to read and write, and other things- it was mostly dutch who took over john’s “”education””. hosea was okay with that; him and arthur started running a few jobs together, just the two of them

as the gang itself grew hosea sort of asserted himself as dutch’s right hand man, if not almost an equal in leadership. he was more analytical and calculating than dutch, and he brought sense to dutch’s passion, taking his ideas and making them into something workable. and that was good, for a while; they worked well together, and by this point hosea was swept up in dutch’s ideas of striking out and making a home for themselves (though the was obviously still a bit cynical about it, as we can see in-game)

he was the only one really able to truly temper dutch, and the only one that dutch would really listen to criticism from, so he also sort of became an intermediary between dutch and the rest of the gang, where they would come to him with their problems and he’d pass them on to dutch and so on and so forth. that started to change though, little by little, and hosea knew that his friend was slipping away and there was not really anything he could do about it except be there to try and play damage control.

things never really got better but they sort of plateaued for a bit in a place where the gang was still safe and hosea was content enough with their position there, with the way dutch’s mind worked, but micah’s arrival really exacerbated dutch’s downward spiral because micah really enabled dutch’s passions and, well, dutch’s ego had always been his fatal flaw, and micah stoked that and kept doing so until eventually everything just fell apart

[yeollie-bells]

How about "Princess" for the 15 questions ask list? :)

ohohoho Ok!!!! i can do that!! do you want all the questions or any in specific? (also thank you for asking I Love You)

Edit: OK! I’ll answer them all!Thank you again @sirladysketch​ for asking! I never thought i’d get anything!Answers under cut!

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?I always thought ‘secret identities’ and stuff were fun and I’d never written anything like it!2: What scene did you first put down?Everything I write is in order! So the very first line/scene you see IS the first thing I wrote!

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?Oh gosh it’s been so long since I’ve looked at it, let’s see. I don’t think I have a favorite line of narration, but I do remember every scene with Prompto and Noctis were fun to write. They were easy their friendship was easy and I didn’t have to think too hard to make it believable? But also maybe it could have been the Dress Reveal/Princess Reveal scene!

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?Probably ““How about a dance with a savage then, to sooth the wound you’ve made.””Or ““Oh you’re a cheeky little thing aren’t you. Nyx will do just fine you little imp.””Nyx in general was just fun to write

5: What part was hardest to write?ANYTHING having to do with fighting!! Im NOT good at it or anything controversial I guess? Im Not Good at it!

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?The fact it’s 20k and i finished it tbh

7: Where did the title come from?Literally the fact i was going to make Prince Noctis into Princess Nova

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it?The dress. The reveal dress. I wrote this WHOLE story for that dress

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?Not that I remember, I just….winged it, i did toy with the idea a little of adding prompto into the mix of romance but just went against it

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?WELL it was originally for Gladnoct week, but i love Nyxnoct too much and couldn’t Not try?

11: What do you like best about this fic?I just really like their dynamic, I feel like I did a decent job with interactions, but I love that dress. Love that dress

12: What do you like least about this fic?It doesn’t really feel finished? I have a hard time ending things and I know this could have gone off for more story or something but its just….idk im glad I finished it but it doesn’t feel done?

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?Hmmm, well I didn’t listen to anything in specific other than my regular final fantasy xv/nyxnoct/gladnoct playlists NyxnoctFFXVI have more songs i havent added yet but this is about it!

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?Not really! Just...I just wanted them to have some fun and give me a chance? Maybe stick around for other things I write!

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?That it’s totally worth it to keep trying and finish something!

[wantbabybump]

The Truth.

What people dont tell you about motherhood is that it can come with a profound amount of sadness. In a world full of social media and everyone wanting to portray themselves in the best light possible cause people are so judgemental and opionated now a days. We dont see the real picture. We see pregnancy announcement, but we dont see the anxiety that comes with announcing cause maybe thats her rainbow baby. We see the maternity pictures but we dont see the girl thats struggling with her changing body and finding ways to love her new self. We see the just born pictures but we dont see the fear that comes with not knowing what to expect. we dont see the amount of pain a woman is still in cause they are pressing on her tummy every few hours. We see the coming home photos. But we dont realize that the dad drove 2 miles a hour just make it safe. We see the newborn photos but we dont see the shots where the baby cried for a hour, where they peed all over the dad. And we definitely glamourize the first few months. When you think of a newborn you think of a squishy little baby that eats and sleeps. You dont think of the fact that you will live off of broken sleep for however many months. You dont realize as a first time mom that you will be afraid to leave your baby long enough to shower but then feel like utter crap cause you havent showered. You have to learn to not be selfish. Sure maybe you were married but you didn't put all your needs.. even basic needs above your husband. You now have someone who comes first always and forever. And while thats a "burden" taken gladly its still a adjustment. No one tells you how hard its going to be. They will say "wait til you have a baby, enjoy that sleep now". But you just dont realize exactly what that means til your in the thick of it a week in going on 2hours of broken sleep a day and still have no time for yourself. No one tells you how lonely it will be. Even though you have added another person to your house its so lonely. That little squishy has you tethered to your home especially if its a winter baby. You think that you will finally fit in with your friends but they will be to busy for you and your needs. After all they have kids already. Your husband will be working most of the day, come home want to eat, play with squishy and want to sleep. Even though he didn't get up with the babe all night he probaly heard him crying and still didn't get a decent night of rest.

No one tells you just how emotionally taxing it can be. When you dont have kids and think about the thought of it. You think about the unconditional love. You dont realize the anxiety, stress, and self inflicted pressure that you will put yourself through. Emotionally you think that adding a baby will be nothing but joy and love to your life. But its kind of like picking traits in a game or skill points. If you start off with three like say social, confident, outgoing. You need to minus something to make room for the parenting trait if that makes sense. You cant have it all. Maybe eventually as the squishy gets older, motherhood begins to be in a groove and babe sleeps longer. But the first few months you wont even have the energy to be social or motivation to reach out to people. No one tells you how it has effected their marriage. Its not all lets look at this beautiful babe that we created together. Its placing blame on something that was no ones fault. Its critizing the other cause they aren't doing it the "right way". Its fighting cause you dont think one is doing enough to help. Or its fighting cause one is being overbearing or controlling. When in all reality the fights are fear. Fear of not knowing what your doing. The fights are a result of not enough sleep and everything is bound to upset you. The fights are two people trying to learn to live and be in love in a completely different way then what they pictured in their head. Ive never wanted to end my marriage as much as I did in the first year. Looking back now was most of what I was upset about completely justified, probably not. Was the lack of sleep and always feeling helpless clouding my feelings and attitude very much so. The first year your body still goes through changes. Hormonally things have to level back out. There will be crazy period patterns. Hair loss. Physicaly your body will be different point blank. Unless your a one in a million unicorn who poops out a baby and then looks like a model. But you will probably have weight you want to lose but who has time. When you do lose it your stomach will still be soft. Much softer then it ever was as your old "fat self". Pregnancy weight gain then weight loss will most like give you some type of stretchmarks. Not even just on your tummy. Your hair will always have a coat of dry shampoo in it. And you will probably hate your body. You will think your husband hates your body. But does he hate your body.. not a chance in hell. If anything you have gave him the greatest gift he will ever recieve and to him that will just be sexy. Sexy will look different in your relationship. Sexy wont be lingerie and candle light dinners. Sexy will be a frozen pizza and you wearing his shirt in some yoga pants. What you thought of sexy when you would think of your husband will change also. Sexy will be him watching the baby so you can take a bath and wash your hair and shave your legs. Sexy will be him taking a night feed. Sexy will be him offering to change a stinky diaper. I know this probably sounds all negative and you probably think jeeze why even have a baby this sounds terrible. But let me tell you all the good and the love definitely out weighs anything I wrote here. And theres a light and once you get a routine and you get use to your new life and embrace it. Once you become confident in your parenting motherhood will be amazing. I wrote this not to scare people. I wrote this so moms who are pregnant, moms who have had kids, wives who want to have a baby they know that their feelings aren't uncommon or that they are horrible cause they feel that way. Its okay if you didn't enjoy motherhood at first cause you were overwhelmed and scared beyond belief with whats the right decisions. Its normal to feel these feelings. I remember my first few months home alone with my squishies i felt so isolated. I felt like I didnt know anything. I felt like everything I did was wrong. Every decision I made I second guessed later on. And most of all I felt judged. I felt like everyone was looking at me and just waiting for me to mess up so they can rub it in... I've had 3 kids.. do it this way. That's so wrong. Instead of encouraging me. And saying in my experience this seems like a easier approach to the situation you should try it and see what you think. People are to opinionated now a days. They like to tell you whats  you did wrong but they dont want to take the time to show you a better way. They want to tell you that your mother this is expected of you. They dont like to think back to their first baby. I just want to let you know. You are not alone. Your feelings are valid. Things will get better.

[phansb]

the blue sun

Inspired by one of Dan’s 2010 tweets, and the lack of 2010 date fanfics.

TW; Homophobia (slight, like 0.5 seconds), F slur, Swearing (because Dan)

Word count: 12k, apparently (imagine shutting up)

[Btw i lowkey wrote + edited this at 6am on no sleep and i deadass havent wrote anything in 3 years so this is probably shit but oh well. Also yes this was sponsered by Dixy Chicken #AD. i did far more reserch on some random resturant in manchester’s menu than i ever truely wanted too.]

//quotes from phil: “your skin looks nice under the blue sun” (sky)

i.

As he walks through Platt Fields Park, Dan wonders. He and Phil have been together for half a year. Everything is still so new, so uncertain. But comfortable. And wanted, needed. It was a foreign feeling. In past relationships he would have never traveled 300+ miles just to walk in a park beside someone, but this is different. Feeling Phils shoulder rub loosely against his own in pleasant silence, it’s the happiest he’s been in far too long. “Nice weather today, huh?” He stiffles a snort-laugh. “Really? We’ve only been dating for seven months and you’ve already resorted to talking about the weather? Am I that boring?” Phil smiles at him fondly. “Not boring, but it is nice out today.” It is. It’s late May and the sky is a clear, soft blue. The clouds are milky, and the grass is a sweet green. “Not as pretty as you.” Dan is glad they’re still in ‘the honeymoon stage’. A time where he can say things like this with no fear or reprocussions. New. “I said it was nice out, not pretty. You dork!” Now he snort-laughs.  "You’re nice too!“ They both ascend into giggles for a moment, before the air turns back to peaceful silence. And he was right. It is new. But comfortable. "How about we head towards the pond?” “Okay.”

ii. 

They lay in the grass, in more comfortable silence. But a worry fills Dan’s head. Soon he’ll be headed home, far from Phil. It worries him, how much time they spend doing nothing. Playing video games or watching movies, afternoons in the park. There will be plently of time for nothing later, whenever later is. “Should we do something?” “Do what?” Phil raises an eyebrow at him. His eyebrows brownish-red against his night black hair. Very expressive eyebrows. Nice, gentle, thin. He never thought he could find so much to love about someones eyebrows. “I dunno, something. It feels like we’re wasting time.” “We’re always wasting time, Dan.” “But we’re just lying here.” “Together.” And that shuts him up. Because truthfully, no matter what it is, as long as its with Phil, it’s fine. And so it’s fine.

iii.

After, they decide to head to 'Dixy Chicken’, right by the park. It’s a decent place. And although Dan has never been one for cheap fast food, it’s nearby and he’s willing to eat anything at this point. “Two soft drinks, a burger and a chicken dish please.” Phil orders and they sit down. “Can I pay?” Phil asks, although it’s obvious he’ll somehow convince Dan to let him. “You always pay, let me.” “You’re young Dan. I’m a Uni graduate, it’s on me.” “You don’t have a job Phil.” “You have to get home soon too. Your parents would rather you have money. "Phil. It’s seven pounds. I think I can manage.” “But-” “Please.” Phil reluctantly agrees, much to Dans pleasure. Although Dan would never say it, he sometimes feels he’s a burden on Phil. Apart from paying for the train there and back, Phil does everything on his visits. Always pays for the food, buses and movies. And they always stay at his (parents) house. Not to mention the general emotional weight  of Dan as a person. He wants to help more, to pitch in. If he’s gonna spend the rest of his life with this man, he doesn’t want it to be Phil’s job to take care of him. “What are you thinking?” Phil asks. He didn’t realise how long he’d been staring into space for. “Nothing.” “Well, our order is ready, should I-” “I’ll go get it.”

iiii.

Dan wasn’t stupid. Sure, he was young, dumb and in love. But he wasn’t stupid. And he knew that although homophobia had lessened in the past few years alone, it probably wasn’t a great idea for him and Phil to hold hands or kiss in a public place. “Kids could be watching!” “It’s a sin!” “You’ll infect the youth!!!” “Burn in hell, faggots.” It doesn’t feel like a sin, but he’d rather not be shouted at by strangers on such a perfect saturday afternoon. Still, walking around downtown alongside his boyfriend, it felt only natural to be linked in some way besides touching shoulders. He grazed his fingers along Phils knuckles slowly, and Phil looks up at him. Dan glaces at his soft pink lips. Oh how he wishes- So he links his fingers with Phils, silent but confident. Phil looks questioningly at him, and he nods. And so they keep walking, and it’s good.  A few people stare, one man grunts disapprovingly, but good. It’s amazing for him, actually. How could this ever be a sin?

iiiii.

“It’s getting chilly out. Want my jacket?” “Pfft, what are we, sixteen year olds on a second date?” “No, we are eight-teen and twenty-three on our twenty-somethingth date and i’m offering you my jacket because it’s cold. And I don’t want you to get hypothermia.” “From a few late May chills?” But Dan takes the jacket. “It is getting cold, but the sky is still pretty-” “-nice.” They both laugh louder than they probably should in such a public place, for a moment. “I-it’s nice out. The s-ky is nice!” Dan says through gasps. This wouldn’t be so funny a joke to anyone else, and it wasn’t really to them, but it was a fond memory. Phil then cools down, and eyes Dan for a second. Although Dan couldn’t see it in himself, his hair was adorably curling at the tips now. Chocolate brown swirls. His cheeks and nose were red, a few freckles and spots across his cheeks. A soft smile with softer lips, and eyes you could melt in. Everything about him was perfect in Phil’s eyes. “Your skin looks nice under the blue sun,” he says absentmindedly, before turning away. “What?” “It’s pretty.” Replies Phil. Dan’s face flushes lightly, but he asks “What the fuck even is a blue sun Phil?” “A poetic way of saying the sky, my darling.” He does a little bow and smirks. “Who on earth calls the sky 'the blue sun’” Dan asks, through childish giggles. “Me, obviously.” “I’m tweeting that!”

iiiiii.

It’s dark out now, and the two are headed back to Phil’s place via a city bus. “The stars are hard to see from Manchester City, but they’re getting clearer.” Dan notes. “Yeah, I like the night sky.” “It usually reminds me of how big the universe is. And now small and unimportant I am,” Dan says wistfully “but now it just reminds me of you.” “How?” “Its mysterious, and dark. It has so many beautiful parts. Everyone loves it,” He sighs “And it lights up my life.” “Only you could make night-time bus rides through dirty downtown streets romantic, Daniel.” Dan laughs, “But am I wrong? No. Seriously Phil. You’re the light of our lives. Of my life.” “You’re the light of my life too Dan.” Then he thinks. “So if i’m the universe, what does that make you?” “I am but a tiny glowing star in your infinite universe.” “To me, you are my universe.” “Dork.”

//fin.

[harshabennur]

Everest Base Camp - A noob's journey

Day 1:

I am sitting on the floor at the chaotic domestic airport at Kathmandu, Nepal. March 4th 2017 was the day I decided to trek to the Everest Base Camp. In hindsight, I have no clue why I decided to do this arduous activity. I am fortunate to have met Jamling Norgay (son of the great Tenzing Norgay) a few times. Jamling motivated me to do this trek when I last met him on March 4th.

Before I say anything further, its best you know that I havent done any form of writing (expect emails!) in a long long time. If memory serves right, the last time I wrote more than a paragraph was during my B school days. So, it will be ideal if you set low standards of writing from this blog!

Also, pardon me if I keep going back to events before I started this trek once in a while. I do not know how tough this trek is going to be, but the prelude to this trek has definitely been a real challenge (I am nursing an injured and severely abused lower back).

I had initially planned to do this trek alone. Maybe some sense prevailed later and here I am with my office buddy Manu, both embarking on something we don't know how well we are prepared for. We landed in Kathmandu yesterday around 3.30 pm. While the immigration is smooth, collecting your baggage is a looong wait. A short 15 minute drive brought us to our stay for the night - Hotel Thamel. A small and clean hotel, ideal for overnight stay. Our guide - Durga ji was waiting for us to complete our paperwork - permit, flight tickets to Lukla, coordinates of the guide at Lukla, his fees, etc. He also gave us 2 massive duffel bags to carry our luggage. Once done, we stepped out to get some essentials - local sim card with 10 GB data :), sleeping bags for rent, hiking sticks and a few knick-knacks.

Strongly recommend the food at Thamel House Restaurant (a short walk from our hotel). A sumptuous dinner and tasting authentic local cuisine - done. This part of the city doesnt seem very crowded. The locals seem very friendly and speak Hindi decently well.

Durga ji had given strict instructions that we could pack a maximum of 10 kilos each in our duffel bag which would be carried by our guide/porter. This turned out to be a serious challenge. Despite being extremely choosy about what we packed in our luggage, it was impossible to fit in all essentials within the given weight restriction. It took us a few visits to the hotel reception where the weighing scale was located and removing more gear (some really essential) to bring down the weight to 10 kilos. I am really worried about leaving out few critical peices of clothing - have left behind 2 warm tees, one thermal inner lining and a pair of hiking shorts. We ended up not carrying many other important things - the long range lens of my DSLR camera, the camera bag which now leaves the camera vulnerable to damages, sports shoes for post hike moving around, etc. Not to mention, we left behind most part of the chocolates, energy bars and snacks we were carrying to make our journey more bearable. This task left Manu and me really frustrated.

Before I continue, our flight has been delayed due to bad weather in Lukla. I had read about Lukla's unpredictable weather, but was hoping we would be lucky. The operator - Tara Air/Yeti Airlines says there is a possibility of cancelling all flights to Lukla today. Obviously, this is not great news, leaving us helpless. Praying to the weather gods to give us a half hour clear window to make it to Lukla today.

Update:

Unfortunately, our flight to Lukla got cancelled after multiple reschedules. The low hanging clouds at Lukla made it impossible for planes to land on the short landing strip. Frustrated, we left the departure zone back to the check-in counter and received tickets for next day flight departing at 12.30 pm. This wasn’t encouraging because the locals say that the best time to leave for Lukla is early morning, post which the place gets heavy cloud cover. We headed back to the hotel and checked in for another day. Manu decided to take a separate room not able to sleep owing to my snoring! (our guide had put us on twin sharing). 

With nothing much to do, we decided to take a stroll around the city. Unfortunately, the entire city was shut due to Dussehra festival and the place resembled a ghost town. Durga ji called us in the evening suggesting we take a helicopter to Lukla. This meant that our existing plane tickets would go waste. Manu and I pondered for a short while and decided to take the chopper. We didn’t want to risk losing another day because our return date to India was not flexible. We had to head out at 5.30 am for an early morning helicopter ride. Thankfully, we didn’t have any preparation to do since we were already packed and ready. Another Nepali cuisine dinner brought an end to the day. After having 3 meals of the local cuisine, I am convinced that their food is generally very pleasant, tasty, largely non spicy. 

Day 2:

We arrived at the airport by 6 am and Durga ji’s friend there whisked us past the long queues at entry, check in, etc and parked us at the office of a heli operator. After a short wait and some paperwork, we driven to a far corner of the airport where many helicopters were parked. Some more paperwork and few safety instructions, and we were taken to the chopper. Both of us were fairly excited since it was the first time for us in a helicopter. It was a great experience to get a bird’s eye view of the beautiful work of mother nature. Sitting next to the pilot, I got a crash course on how to fly a a helicopter. The pilot even allowed me to get a feel of the cyclic (the joystick which acts as the rudder). Good fun! We got a radio message saying Lukla had heavy cloud cover. We were forced to land little lower at Surke and after a wait for about half an hour, the clouds cleared enough for the heli to take us to Lukla. 

Our porter and guide - Phuri Sherpa was there to meet us. After pleasantries and a quick breakfast, we started on our trek from Lukla to our destination for the day - Phakding. The trek to Phakding is not the typical trek we expected. Phakding being at a lower elevation than Lukla, most of our trek was downhill. Barring few steep inclines, we kept going downhill most of our trek. Walking downhill is heavy on knees. Manu developed a small niggle in his left knee, hopefully he should be fine by tomorrow. The trek was extremely scenic with the river Dudh Koshi accompanying us all along. Couple of long steel bridges and buddhist temples make for some interesting sights. 

A 4 hour trek brought us to Phakding. Our guide recommended a guest house which overlooked the river. The rooms are tiny, basic but clean. We were tired after trudging along the rocky downhill path. 

Both of us decided to do some stretches to relax our muscles. I was particularly concerned about my back. The last 2 days before flying into Nepal were hectic owing to official travel and last minute packing. I had slept for a total of 4-5 hours over two days. While the rest of me was able to function fine, my lower back kept giving signals that it was tired. 

I should mention that I suffered from a slipped disc three years ago. This lower back injury brought most physical activities to a screeching halt. My motorcycle riding, weekend sports, gym, etc had to be put aside. While yoga, physiotherapy and adequate rest did improve the condition of my lower back for a while, I have been guilty of not being persistent in my efforts. From a guy who could squat 330 pounds to struggle to bend down to pick up a pencil, it has been a tough ride. To cut a long story short, it has been a miserable 3 years from a fitness point of view. People who have suffered from lower back injuries will know that the injury affects your mind as much as your body. 

Coming back, we walked around the village after another tasty Nepali lunch. It is a village of approximately 50 buildings, most of them being guest houses for trekkers like us. The people from Lukla onwards look very different from those in Kathmandu, People here resemble the Tibetians. The kids here are like extremely cute and are like mountain goats. You can see toddlers running on the rocky path faster than us. A siesta and bowl of garlic vegetable soup for supper brings our day to an early end. Manu is keen to have a long sleep and is not impressed with me going typity-type on my laptop. Will try to add few photos here and call it a night.