#i havent gotten to like look away and look back to its likely the anatomy is SEVERLY wrong

[scrombit]

the eternal yapper is back at it

[justkeepdancing-nemo]

Failing Nemo || Romo Texts

Summary: On the last week of the term, the stress from uni becomes too much for Nemo.

Part One of Finding Nemo: Uni Arc

tw: anxiety, depression

DECEMBER 13

Nemo Bae

hey heeeeeey hi what r u doing rn are u studying? [deleted] pay attention to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee [deleted] im losing my mind haha

Robbie

Hey Yeah, I'm studying for my anatomy final which is kind of boring but I swear they added more parts to the human body since I last learned this Nemo Bae

ahahh there are like a tonne of bones thats so weird tho ur a vet student shouldnt u learn about animal parts

Robbie

I think that comes next when I get into more specialized stuff ugh so many bones though you're right how are you though

Nemo Bae

missing youuuu come hang out with me

Robbie

How is studying for finals going? Last time I came to see you we didn't study at all. I failed you

Nemo Bae

thats bc i dont wanna study lol its pointless but hanging out with uuuu isnt

Robbie

Studying isn't pointless Why do you think it's pointless

Nemo Bae

i just cant do it lol i try and i cant pay attention and my back always hurts too much to like sit in one place but if i lay down i fall asleep bc its so boring my grades suck anyway

Robbie

aw that's probably not true I'm sure your grades don't suck I could come over and help you for real this time I can quiz you and stuff

Nemo Bae

they do robbie im not smart like you. i cant write like you. my grades are really bad and ive gotten incompletes in my fellows class because i havent even turned in stuff

Robbie

Hey you're smart don't say that

Nemo Bae

but its true im not smart okay im not cut out for this i dunno i feel like it was just a mistake and im gonna fail anyway so

Robbie

like going to school was a mistake? Nemo you're smart and you can do it. I know you can. You just have to keep trying. it sounds like you're giving up

Nemo Bae

yeah i am ahah ive TRIED ok i keep trying to study for my finals and i cant do it  i tried all semester but all i did was hurt myself so i couldnt even dance i have to write final papers in my ballet and contemporary classes now thats two more papers im just gonna go back to the hollow

Robbie

Nemo I can help okay it's not the end of the world and it's going to be fine

Nemo Bae

no its not you dont get it because tis easy for you

Robbie

it's not easy I still have to study like everyone else That's just how school is And if it looks easy it's because I had a lot of years to learn a lot of things But those were years where I had to try and study hard and put in the effort it doesn't just happen for me

Nemo Bae

well i shouldnt distract you from studying then

Robbie

Nemo

Nemo Bae

what? thats what you're saying you say you gotta study and all im doing is getting in your way you dont have time to help me anyway esp when it doesnt matter and its too late Robbie

We can talk about it more don't just pull away. That's not what I'm saying it's not too late we can work on it together

Nemo Bae

and then when i fail anyway????

Robbie

then you pick yourself up and try again You can replace those grades if you really think you're going to fail You can retake the class

Nemo Bae

i dont want to. i DONT. its too much and too stressful theres a reason not a lot of fairies go to uni esp not from a hollow im so tired of sucking this much

Robbie

You don't suck

Nemo Bae

how would u even know how much i suck robbie youre not in my classes do u want me to send u pics of all my shitty papers lol then youll realize im a lost cause

Robbie

I will never think you are a lost cause

Nemo Bae

i dont even see why we're arguing about this its not even your business

Robbie

Oh its not? im not supposed to care?

Nemo Bae

i just dont see why you do this much

Robbie

You don't see why I care about you and your life this much

Nemo Bae

i dont see why you care about whether or not i go to school if you cared about me then youd say ok nemo i love you but apparently i have to be a freaking genius for you too

Robbie

Because you wanted to go to school? Because you want to take all those dance classes?

Nemo Bae

but i was wrong okay? and it sucks and i spent my appa's money and he's gonna be disappointed in me and clearly you're disappointed in me

Robbie

im not disappointed I just think you're being too hard on yourself

Nemo Bae

i feel like quitting is actually finally letting myself chill but ok

Robbie

im just afraid you'd regret it and I really don't think it's as much of a lost cause as you think it is But I can butt out I guess im sorry

Nemo Bae

its my fault its fine i'll let you get back to studying [deleted] this conversation felt really bad, im sorry i was.. i didnt mean to make it sound [deleted] maybe we can try it, you helping me deleted] im sorry, robbie

Robbie

Yeah, if you wanna talk later just text me

Nemo Bae

okay

DECEMBER 13, SEVERAL HOURS LATER 

Robbie

hey i just wanted to check and see how you are doing and say i'm sorry for upsetting you

Nemo Bae

 you really dont have to apologize. im the one. i know i lashed out at you and took a lot of my frustration and stress out on you and im really sorry about that. i shouldnt have said a lot of the things i said. i know youre just caring about me. im feeling a little better now though

Robbie

That's good! If you want me to come over I can. I want to see you

Nemo Bae

oh im actually uh i kinda left lol i'll be back in a couple of days though! i wanna see you then

Robbie

You left?

Nemo Bae

yeah i think i needed to get out and clear my head and i already feel a lot better

Robbie

Oh okay that makes sense. Did you go to the hollow

Nemo Bae

no im going camping with tae

Robbie

camping?

Nemo Bae

yeah there's this campsite we went to in the summer its got little cabins too tho we might just sleep in the car

Robbie

aren't your finals and stuff...are you gonna miss them?

Nemo Bae

probably? i told you though, im gonna fail anyway and seriously as soon as i decided to go it was like a huge weight off my shoulders i'll work on my papers maybe a little while im gone idk

Robbie

okay I love you be safe please

Nemo Bae

we will! i love you too robbie i really do wanna talk when i get back

Robbie

ill be here

[onewizardgirl]

Hagrid is always so sweet

(Ps i dont own any if the books(i own copies of the books as a fan) or charecrers but this quote from Prizoner left so much to my wandering imagination )

Girl troubles

(Quoted frim Prizoner of askaban pg 253)

“ first the firebolt, now scabbers, everythings my fault isn’t it! Just leave me alone, Harry, i’ve got a lot of work to do” hermione spat after ron had accused her cat, her little crookshanks, of killing his nasty rat scabbers. 

She stomped upto the girls’ dormitory and threw her books and essays onto her bed, and went to the bathroom. She realised then why she’d been in such a sour mood as of recently as well as why she’s been so fatigued, her period just came. She’d only just gotten it at the start of the year, os she was still adjusting to the sour moods and random boutsof exhaustion, she needed to talk to someone just to get the stress of this year off her chest. Deciding hagrid was the best person to talk to, she grabbed her black cloak and scurried out of the common room with no further questioning from anyone. Once she was in the clear though she took the black hood off her head, and went down to the entrance hall. Once she knew she could  scurry off without getting caught she did. Once she was far enough away from the castle she casted a lumos charm and walked through the damp grass toward hagrid’s hut. 

Three rather loud knocks later and hagrid opened his door, “ ‘ermione? What yeh doin’ away from the castle this late?” 

“ i needed to get away from the tower,” hermione concluded, 

“ well come on in, can’t have yer getin’ sickly on me,” hagrid said guiding hermione into his small hut. 

“Somthin’s on yer mind, d’you wanna talk ‘bout it?” hagrid said when hermione didnt say anything and just kind of sat looking at her hands. 

“It’s the boys, ron thinks crookshanks ate scabbers, and harry is siding with ron, and everything’s apparently my fault, the firebolt is my fault, scabbers, the only thing i have to look forward to is my classes, and even then i cant use my time turner this week, it would be too dangerous no matter what precautions i took,” 

“Why’s that hermione? You’re not sick or anything are yeh,” hagrid asked pressing a rather gigantic finger to hermione’s forehead to see if she had a fever of any sort 

“No… it’s just girl troubles,” hermione muttered, embarrassed. 

“Oh, i see. There anythin i can do?” hagrid asked  rubbing a rather large hand across her slender arm. 

“Unless you know a way to get me to all my classes without my timeturner,” hermione said 

“I don’t know a way to do that, im sorry,” Hagrid sighs. 

They sat in silence for a short moment before hermione squeaked in pain and clutched her abdomen. 

“You hurtin’?” hagrid questioned watching her 

Hermione nodded and told “i’ll be fine, it’s not that bad,” before wincing again slightly cursing her biological anatomy. 

"It doesnt look like its not that bad, i dont know what its like for you lasses, but i can tell yer  hurtin," hagrid said matter of factly 

"Well i am hurting hagrid, but its nothing i havent dealt with before," hermione dismissed wincing once more 

“C’mere, i can help you, lady friend of mine taught me this, says it helps just about any girl yeh try it on,” hagrid said calmly 

Hermione got up and followed hagrid’s direction and sat on his large bed, he took a single finger and pushed her to lay down, he used a temporary reducto spell to decrease the size of his hands to a little larger than the average man, and he pressed gently on her stomach and soon massaged her abdomen until her pain was no more, small hazel eyes opened in a silent thanks when he pulled his hands back as they grew back to their normal size, 

“Thank you, that really helped, your friend was right,” hermione thanked 

“No problem ‘ermione, i get it, had quite a few girls for friends while i went to school 'ere,” hagrid admitted scratching the back of his neck. 

“I hate teh do this, but yeh gotta get back to the castle, come visit anytime, yeh hear,” hagrid said “even if all you have the talk about is yer lady issues, i don't mind, ” 

Hermione left the small hut, far happier than she’d been in weeks, with a giant to help her get through the hard times, even the bloody ones. 

[itsdjjones]

Now If We’re Talking Bodies

TAGGING: @notpeterxparker​ & @itsdjjones​

TIME: Feb 23rd

PLACE: Dom’s Dorm

NOTES: Dominer seeing each other the first time after an accidental sext

Parker knew she had to face Dom at some point, after all, they were friends but she had hoped that he didnt look at the picture, since she hadnt look at their messages ever since. So here she was, in his dorm, playing video games and knew that she had to ask if he did, in fact, look at the picture. However, she wasnt for sure how to bring it up, so she was playing it cool. "So." She started to say as she gotten more comfortable next to him. "How's your mom doing?"

Dom had no idea what to do when he got the picture from Parker. It wasn’t one that he was expecting at all and was very confused about it. Of course he looked at it though. It just popped up on his screen how could he not look at it. It made him feel some type of way that he had no idea what to even think about that. Now sitting in his dorm with her playing video games it was the first time they had seen each other since that accidental text. He glanced over at her at her question. “She’s good.” He nodded. “I had dinner over there a couple nights ago.”

"That's good." Parker said as she glanced over at him and back at the screen. "I have to go over there and have dinner with your parents since its been a while." She pulled her knees to her chest, swallowed a bit before she relaxed against the couch and kept her focus on the T.V.

“Yeah they would like that I’m sure. I mean they’ve always loved you. Maybe even more than me” He laughed and joked. Dom looked over at her and he nudged her with a smile. “So that text...” He said knowing that it was the elephant in the room.

Parker let out a laugh. "I know for sure your mom loves me more than she loves you." She retorted as she joke. She paused the game as she let out a sigh and could feel her cheeks warmed up. "Which, Im so sorry about and I didnt mean to send it to you and I hope you didnt see it. Let me die right now." She buried her face into her hands before she  fell away from him.

Dom laughed and he shook his head. “Parks it’s cool. Don’t even worry about it.” He paused. “And I definitely did see it.” He smirked. “You sure you didn’t sent it to me on purpose?” He asked. Dom would be lying if he said he didn’t keep the photo. “But uh...who was it supposed to go to?” He asked

Parker groan when he said he saw it and grabbed the blanket she brought and covered herself up with it. "Im sure." She said as she placed her legs in his lap. "Some guy from one of my classes."

“You’re sending those pics to just some guy?” He asked. Dom was pretty protective over Parker and he always wanted her to be happy with whoever she was with. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.” He said softly. Dom pulled the blankets off of her. “Parks stop. Why are you so embarrassed? It’s just me. It’s not like you sent it to your dad or anything.”

"Some guy who only wants me for my body." Parker closed her eyes as she kept the blanket over her and rubbed her forehead. "Im not, we've been just, flirting a bit and that happened." She looked at him when he pulled the blanket off and sat up. "Because its not something that I usually do and having it be sent to you, kinda makes me feel like I shouldnt have done that and Im not usually a risk taker. I dont know, I dont want you to think differently about me."

Dom shook his head. “I don’t see you any differently. At least not in a bad way.” He said softly. “I mean...I didn’t even know you took pictures like that.” He swallowed thickly and rubbed the back of his neck. “I just think you’re fucking gorgeous and not everyone deserves to see that.”

Parker relaxed against the couch once more as she tried not to close herself from him. "It was my first and last time of taking those kind of pictures." She replied softly as she started to play with  her pant leg and looked over at him with an eyebrow raised, taking in his actions.  "You're saying that because you're my friend and your protective over me but are you okay?"

Dom rolled his eyes and he put his hands on her legs that were on his lap. “No I’m not. I’m saying that because it’s true.” He shrugged. Dom nodded and he looked at her. She was the only girl in his life that he never tried to be with and a lot of people were surprised at that. They practically acted like a couple anyways even when Dom was dating other people. Parker was always there.

Parker looked at him as he talked and rested her head on his shoulder. "Well, thank you." She said as she grabbed the blanket and covered them both up and let out a sigh. She heard the whispers, why havent they date? Or her favorite one, why dont you guys get together already. Parker knew that he didnt like her like that and she didnt like him like that. He was always there for her.

Dom wrapped an arm around her and he nodded. “You are welcome.” He looked down at her and kissed the top of her head. “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked as he put his controller down. He felt like relaxing more than anything with her. It was one of his favorite things to do was cuddle up on the bed with her as they watched movies.

"Yeah, I do." Parker said as she looked up at him with a small smile and kissed his cheek. "I'll even let you pick the movie." She teased as she pulled away and stood up to stretch. "Want anything while Im up?"

Dom smiled as she kissed his cheek. He pulled out his phone as she stood up. “Yeah sure there’s beer in the fridge.” he said pointing to the mini fridge in the dorm on the other side of the room. He reached for the remote to get the tv ready and put it on Netflix. He wasn’t sure what she wanted to watch put landed on a classic Goofy Movie. One of Doms favorites.

Parker nodded as she grabbed him a beer and ran her fingers through her hair. "I dont know how you get alcohol." She said as she sat down next to him and placed it in front of him, knowing that she didnt feel like drinking at the moment.

Dom grabbed the bottle from her and he smirked. “I have my ways.” He said winking at her. He took a swig and then placed it on the table next to her. He pulled her closer and tickled her side.

Parker smiled as she shook her head when he winked at her. "Of course you do." She felt him pull her close to him again and let out a laugh when he tickled her. "Dom." She said as she squirmed.

Dom laughed and he pulled her closer but stopped tickling her. “What what?” He asked. He looked down at her and was silent for a moment.

"Stop." Parker said with a smile and looked up at him as she placed her hands on his arms. "Do I have chocolate on my face?"(edited)February 24, 2018

Dom put his hand on her face. “No.” He smiled and caressed her cheek. Dom pulled away slightly and he leaned back on the bed. Putting one hand under his head he looked back at the tv as the movie played.

Parker smiled as she nodded and felt him caressed her cheek. She rolled onto her other side so she could see the tv better, while being next to Dom and watched the movie. She scooted closer to him once she turned around and rested her head on his chest.(edited)February 26, 2018

Dom looked down at her and he pulled her into his arms closer. He was content. Things were just easy with her and he didn’t know why. “Can we just stay like this all day long”

Parker nodded against him once he pulled her into his arms. "Yeah, we can." She said as she let out a breath and fixed the blanket a bit before she looked at him.February 27, 2018

Dom smiled. “You don’t have anywhere do be? You know with some guy from class?” He asked. Dom wasn’t really the jealous type but then again what did he have to be jealous about? It’s not like anything was going on with them. At least he didn’t think anything was.

Parker shook her head as she fixed the blanket and looked at him. "Not that Im aware of, why? Are you wanting me to go so you can have a little study session with some hot, cheerleader who needs help with the human body for some ridiculous test." She propped her head up with her as she teased him with a smile before she took a drink of his beer and made a face. "Yeah, thats still nasty." She placed the bottle back down.March 1, 2018

Dom laughed and he shook his head. "Oh no I think I got enough anatomy lessons from that picture you sent me" he teased her right back. Dom took the beer from her and gasp. "Rude." he smirked. "Hey that is a good pick up though. I should scope out anatomy classes" he joked.

Parker smiled as she shook her head and rolled her eyes. "Delete the picture or I'll post a throw back picture of you from high school." She teased and laughed as she pulled away from him. "Sorry, but that beer isnt that great." She shook her head once more when she looked at him. "Thats a weak pick-up line, I know a better one."

Dom frowned. "Why? I kinda liked it." he said seriously. "You're kinda hot in it and...I'm not just saying that because we are best friends. I mean it" He looked back at her and licked his lips. "Okay okay tell me a good pick up line then. See if it works on me" he smirked.

Parker opened up her mouth but closed it and let that conversation topic dropped. "I hate space, so how about we close the space between us and get closer?" She asked once she looked at him and sitting on his bed.

Dom listened to her and he nodded. "Yeah you'd definitely get me with that one" he laughed. "I'm hooked." He said mimicking a fish being reeled in on a fishing pole. He laughed and looked back at her.

Parker laughed as she watched him mimicking a fish and shook her head. "I dont know what I would do without you." She said as she looked him with a smile.

Dom smiled at her. "Probably cry" he teased. Dom sat up a bit and he reached for her hand. "It's been you and me for a really long time. Us against the world basically. I don't ever want that to change. You're my ride or die Parks." he smirked and squeezed her hand gently. "You know that right?"

"Or party." Parker shrugged a bit with a small smile. She swallowed some as she listened to her and felt him squeezed her hand. "Yeah, I know that."

Dom shook his head. "We do that anyways" he chuckled. "Good" He smiled. "I wouldn't want anything less." Dom pulled her closer and he laid back down on the bed, the two of them cuddled up together.

Parker sighed as she relaxed and tried not to think about Elijah and what he had said the other night. She swallowed thickly and tried to get lost in the movie.

Parker slid her hands into her coat as she walked up the front steps of the Jones' house, knowing its been a while since she had been at the house. She knocked as she waited for someone to open the door, wringed her hands as she thought about Elijah & changing her minors.

[haught-at-waverly-place]

answer all of them

answers under the cut! only doing this cause im that bored

200: My crush’s name is: no one 199: I was born in: 1996198: I am really: bored197: My cellphone company is: wtf who cares?? 196: My eye color is: green/blue 195: My shoe size is: 6.5194: My ring size is: idk small 193: My height is: smol 192: I am allergic to: cats and all of nature in the spring and summer 191: My 1st car was: an hhr or as i liked to call it a poor mans hearse190: My 1st job was: an in home care taker aka i cleaned elderly peoples homes189: Last book you read: god i dont read188: My bed is: my best friend 187: My pet: is the loml 186: My best friend: she lives too far away tbh 185: My favorite shampoo is: i use old spice 2-in-1 like the basic bitch i am184: Xbox or ps3: ps3??? what year is it the switch is where its mfkin at 183: Piggy banks are: dope af 182: In my pockets: nothing cause im a broke bitch 181: On my calendar: nothing cause im a boring bitch 180: Marriage is: cool good on everyone who is married to their best friends 179: Spongebob can: new spongebob can die cause its garbage 178: My mom: is the best 177: The last three songs I bought were? who buys songs? 176: Last YouTube video watched: air crash investigations (dont ask) 175: How many cousins do you have? idk 174: Do you have any siblings? one sister 173: Are your parents divorced? nah 172: Are you taller than your mom? nah 171: Do you play an instrument? i used to play the violin and guitar but not anymore 170: What did you do yesterday? tried not to die [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: idk maybe? 168: Luck: sure 167: Fate: yeah sure 166: Yourself: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha no 165: Aliens: fuck yeah 164: Heaven: ehhh no 163: Hell: no 162: God: not really 161: Horoscopes: lowkey160: Soul mates: every one has one 159: Ghosts: kind of 158: Gay Marriage: nah why would gays want to get married 157: War: war is p stupid 156: Orbs: wtf is an orb??155: Magic: no [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: kisses 153: Drunk or High: drunk 152: Phone or Online: online 151: Red heads or Black haired: black 150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes 149: Hot or cold: cold 148: Summer or winter: winter 147: Autumn or Spring: autumn 146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla 145: Night or Day: night 144: Oranges or Apples: apples 143: Curly or Straight hair: curly 142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonalds 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: this is dark chocolate erasure and i will not stand for it 140: Mac or PC: mac 139: Flip flops or high heals: neither both are garbage for the feet 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: im already sweet and poor sooooo137: Coke or Pepsi: where is my dr. pepper representation 136: Hillary or Obama: obama 135: Burried or cremated: cremated id like to go out in a burnin glory even if im already dead 134: Singing or Dancing: singing 133: Coach or Chanel: neither 132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are you people 131: Small town or Big city: big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: im a lesbian so target obviously 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: neither 128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure only cause they message my feet and legs 127: East Coast or West Coast: west coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: xmas cause snow 125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate 124: Disney or Six Flags: disney 123: Yankees or Red Sox: neither who cares about baseball [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: men bein garbage 121: George Bush: why? 120: Gay Marriage: hell yeah we got it 119: The presidential election: we might as well have elected a crackhead 118: Abortion: let women get them safely so they dont fucking die its that simple117: MySpace: jesus is it 2006 again 116: Reality TV: its trashy but ill watch it cause im trash 115: Parents: love your parents kids (unless they are abusive) 114: Back stabbers: are awful just like maybe dont stab people in the back literally and metaphorically 113: Ebay: ive literally never used ebay in my life 112: Facebook: its p garbage i barely ever use it 111: Work: capitalism has killed workers and quality work 110: My Neighbors: they are there 109: Gas Prices: i havent gotten gas in like 2 months so like idk 108: Designer Clothes: why are they all like so ugly??107: College: stressful and only vaguely worth something 106: Sports: fun to play but boring to watch. i only go to sporting events for the alcohol 105: My family: is v dope and i love them 104: The future: stressful and i hate thinking about it [ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: last night it was my dad 102: Last time you ate: last night lol 101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: probably back in december with my best friend 100: Cried in front of someone: oooof all the time 99: Went to a movie theater: like 2 wks ago 98: Took a vacation: january i went on a cruise 97: Swam in a pool: last summer i think 96: Changed a diaper: uhhh never…. 95: Got my nails done: god way back in high school when i thought i was straight 94: Went to a wedding: last friday! 93: Broke a bone: 3 wks ago haha 92: Got a peircing: i havent gotten a piercing since i was like 6 91: Broke the law: uhhh i plead the fifth 90: Texted: i texted my mom like 40 mins ago [ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: myself 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my dog shes so cute 87: The last movie I saw: spiderman into the spiderverse 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: a vacation to see my aunt in indiana 85: The thing im not looking forward to: going back to school 84: People call me: uhhh my name? 83: The most difficult thing to do is: rn? pretty much everything 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never 81: My zodiac sign is: im a leo 80: The first person i talked to today was: my mom 79: First time you had a crush: first time i remember was freshman yr of college 78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: my mom 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i dont remember 76: Right now I am talking to: nobody im a lonely bitch 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully something to do with neuropsychology 74: I have/will get a job: 73: Tomorrow: wtf does this even mean 72: Today: or this one 71: Next Summer: and this one 70: Next Weekend: and even this one 69: I have these pets: a golden retriever mix 68: The worst sound in the world: 67: The person that makes me cry the most is: hahaha myself 66: People that make you happy: my family and friends 65: Last time I cried: yesterday 64: My friends are: amazing wonderful people that i love 63: My computer is: my lifeline 62: My School: is small but good 61: My Car: is a lesbian wagon that looks like i live in it 60: I lose all respect for people who: cheat on their s/o 59: The movie I cried at was: i dont usually cry during movies 58: Your hair color is: confusing kind of blonde also kind of brown 57: TV shows you watch: she ra, killing eve, grey anatomy too many others to list 56: Favorite web site: youtube 55: Your dream vacation: to go to germany 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: idk maybe my post surgery foot pain 53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare the only way a steak should be eaten 52: My room is: always a disaster 51: My favorite celebrity is: taylor swift 50: Where would you like to be: idk 49: Do you want children: noooo 48: Ever been in love: yes i have 47: Who’s your best friend: we aint naming names on here 46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: playing with my dog 44: One person that you wish you could see right now: A43: Do you have a 5 year plan: god no i dont even have a 5 hour plan 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nah 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope40: Last person I got mad at: myself39: I would like to move to: somewhere other than where i am now 38: I wish I was a professional: at being not depressed [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: bottle caps or ritter sports 36: Vehicle: subaru wrx hatchbacks with a wide body kit are b nice 35: President: who tf has a favorite president 34: State visited: oregon or washington 33: Cellphone provider: who has a fave cell provider???32: Athlete: none31: Actor: idk like chris pratt or something 30: Actress: rn jodie comer 29: Singer: hayley williams 28: Band: paramore 27: Clothing store: h&m 26: Grocery store: target 25: TV show: law and order svu 24: Movie: princess mononoke 23: Website: youtube 22: Animal: red panda 21: Theme park: disneyland 20: Holiday: halloween 19: Sport to watch: none they are all hella boring 18: Sport to play: softball 17: Magazine: none i dont read 16: Book: i dont read books cant concentrate for that long 15: Day of the week: idk saturday 14: Beach: ive been to a beach like 3 times and i barely remember them 13: Concert attended: paramore after laughter concert last summer 12: Thing to cook: cooking stresses me the fuck out so i dont have a favorite thing to cook 11: Food: pasta!! 10: Restaurant: uhhh i dont really have one 9: Radio station: its 2019 who listens to the radio 8: Yankee candle scent: i dont really use candles 7: Perfume: i dont wear perfume 6: Flower: peach roses probably 5: Color: red 4: Talk show host: i dont watch talk shows they are all boring 3: Comedian: john mulaney or iliza schlesinger 2: Dog breed: corgi 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? hahahahaha

[dadmilkman]

i never really post on here personally because i migrated to twitter a few years ago and the appeal of tumblr left me shortly after but ive talked about this topic ive had on my mind on twitter a lot already and ive bugged my friends in their dm’s too much but i still need to get it off my chest so im gonna talk about it some more anyway

in november this past year i messaged an artist hosting a secret santa event pledging to participate, and the next day they sent me back saying, no, i cant participate, because my art looks “too traced”

i dont post my art on this blog much anymore since i started posting it on my sideblog but i do draw fairly often and for years, for YEARS, one of the things that has contributed to my horrible, horrible depression (besides like, everything else) is my very bad habit of comparing myself to literally everyone and everything else. its taken me a long time to start trying to break this habit and not feel bad about my own abilities or skills in comparison to other people, and to this day im still struggling with it. art has been a personal battle for me, as it is for anyone who creates things regardless of what it is, and ive given up, sometimes for months or years at a time, only to eventually come back and start drawing again and then hate how far behind i felt because of all the time i spent not improving any at all.

so fast forward from 2012 where i “seriously’ start drawing to the start of last year, after going through maybe 3 hiatuses where i didnt draw for over 6 months, to where i finally bought my own tablet (after borrowing off my girlfriend or just drawing with pencil) in april and started actually seriously drawing again, all summer and during school even i was just drawing out the ass, all the time, i was putting more shit down than i had for a long long time and it was bad but i was real proud of it because i was creating things! and thats what ive always wanted to do, is just put stuff out in the world. to make things with any sort of permanence. so all last year i was really pleased with my progress and i was even getting better at drawing faces and coloring so i was real pleased.

so i get into a few new hobbies during the year and start following a bunch of artists on tumblr, or blogs that promote other artists, because id gotten to enough of a point where seeing other people accomplished at art didnt make me feel quite so bad about myself as it used to - i was able to look at other peoples success with pride on their behalf and not anger or jealousy. and at this point id start liking a little bit of my own attention, so i make a separate art blog dedicated to my art and my characters. and theres this one artist i really admired. they draw nothing but their oc’s, which is also nothing but what i draw too, and they were popular and everyone liked their characters and they had lots of artists friends they could talk with and do trades with and it was and is everything i wanted to be. i wanted to be that sociable and liked and known, even if it was just among a small group of friends in a small part of a niche interest, i wanted to participate in something.

so i see this secret santa i really want to join, hosted by none other than this artist i look up to, quite a lot. id sent them a few anons before with various questions on things and felt comfortable enough to message them and ask about joining the secret santa. i was finally comfortable enough in my artistic abilities to want to join, too, which was huge for me. so i message them, and wait for them to message me back.

and they do , the next day, and its to immediately tell me that my art looks too traced and that i should “stay away” from their art trade. as any aspiring artist will tell you, tracing photos is good. it helps you get muscle memory and learn perspective, anatomy, blah blah. as long as you dont do anything with it or pass it off as your own.

but tracing photos or god forbid other  peoples art and then posting it online and saying “look at this thing i drew all by myself arent you proud!?” is entirely different, and obviously isnt something ive ever fucking done, but its what they wanted to accuse me of, saying i was being deceitful and that other people in the trade would be mad if they knew. so, no, ive never done that. i never said ive never traced photographs before, i do it all the time to practice poses and anatomy and then i send them to my friend and say “ha i drew my characters doing this thing” and like, thats the only light of day it sees.

but apparently this artist was and still is under the impression that everything ive ever drawn was traced, as if i never put any work into anything. i do. i dont even know how to express that statement enough. i do . i do put hard work into the stuff i make. i practice and i draw and i sketch and no, im not fucking great at art, but it makes me happy and i can draw my ocs and thats really all i want to be able to do, so when someone comes to me , someone i looked up to and admired , and accuses me of being a liar and a fake, it hurt.

and of course i tried to explain i dont trace my art? i used photo references, a lot. sometimes ill take a photograph of myself to use as a reference too. i have a bunch of pvc pipes in my room i use when i need a ref of someone holding a staff or sword so i can make the angles better. i have a reference blog i use heavily and most of the time the outfits i draw are from stuff i see models wearing and want to put my ocs in. but i dont trace it, and that accusation hurt. the only thing i ever “trace” when i draw figures is a stick figure on a pose, IF im having trouble, like this 

and then the rest of the drawing, the lines, the hair the clothes the face, whatever, i draw that free hand, its not like i sit there and trace a whole photo or drawing? and if i did im not gonna...post it online and pretend i did all this hard work? and this is all the same thing i said to this person, i admitted to doing this stick figure technique, and that i sometimes trace photographs but i use it as a mechanic to help me improve anatomy accuracy and not as a cop-out for doing my own work and ive never passed off someone else’s skills as my own like they were insinuating. i mean, is this tracing? ive seen self taught and professional artists (and artists/photographers like senshistock, where i get a lot of refs) use this or a similar stick man figure approach when trying to draw people. i never thought i was doing something deceitful , and not to mention i dont even do this with every thing i ever draw. just stuff with weird angles or if theres a specific pose i want to capture correctly. i cant tell if this criticism reminds me too much of the argument circa a few years ago that using references or photos of any sort at all was cheating, or if this is genuine criticism and its a practice i shouldnt use anymore. which i havent been doing anymore anyway.

it was so infuriating to be confronted with this and have the whole argument portrayed like i was a sham and i was duping people on purpose. “stay away from the art trade” was their exact words. it hurt a lot and it still does, and its still killing my confidence every day. ive been trying to move on from the whole thing but when someone you admire shoots you down like that, i just dont know how to keep going knowing them and other people they apparently talked to about this are looking at my work thinking im a cheat. this has been on my mind nearly every day for 3 months and its killing me.