#i havent even started grading my students essays

[carebooks]

Emma and Daniel did not belong together.

After extensively rewatching Every Witch Way during Spring Break (yep, that's how I spent Spring Break), I went through tumblr and saw people wondering if this fandom still exists. Well, even if there's only like fifteen people on it, let's discuss Emma and one of her main love interests: Daniel.

I would like to disclose that I am a Jemma fan, after Jax showed up in S2, Daniel went out the window for little thirteen-year-old me. This isn't a Daniel VS Jax post, this is just about Emma and Daniel's relationship. This post will mainly reflect on why I think that, in the long run, they did not belong together. They're definitely a first loves ship, but not an endgame ship.

In S1 both were still young and finding their footing, but mainly Emma. Daniel had already dated Maddie for a while and then went through the whole first season flirting and liking Emma after his break up with Maddie. Daniel was also on top of his game, being the Sharks Swim Captain, and other than Maddie being his girlfriend, his life was happy and fine. Emma coming in merely improved it, she was nicer, thoughtful, and down to earth. But Emma's story was just beginning, she was discovering being a witch, having to deal with her powers, a witch bully Maddie at school, and daily shenanigans that entailed the magical world. Daniel is the last person to discover Emma is a witch and he also has the worst reaction to it. Not that surprising considering how regular his life has been, but that kind of tells us where this was headed.

In S2 Emma and Daniel have been together for months now, all through the summer. The thing is, Daniel's been happier than ever and he thinks Emma's powers never came back, something that she's been hiding from him this entire time. Lying to your SO is never a good thing, especially about something this big, something that is literally part of you. There are reasons for both of them however:

Emma knew how happy Daniel was that she was 'regular' and didn't want to ruin what they had by bringing in all her witch stuff, which tended to bring all sorts of chaos and antics.

Daniel didn't want Emma to have powers out of fear that other evil witches would come after her because she was the Chosen One.

While these are reasonable explanations for both of them, they're not fixing any of their real issues. Emma should not be lying to her boyfriend, eventually, it did catch up to her and she tried using magic to make him forget. Also not a good thing, even if she wanted a 'redo' at telling him. When he does find out, it causes their downfall. The thing is, Emma lied because Daniel just can't handle her being a witch. He's said that her powers being back would "ruin everything" and has shown a fear of witches when magic was brought up in S2E05. Emma keeps telling him that powers or no powers, she's still a witch. Still, she chose to hide a part of herself to try to have a normal relationship with her boyfriend. But hiding a part of yourself is never the answer and it eats away at you.

S2 also explores the fact that witches can't date humans, it's not allowed. The Council tries to have Emma break up with him otherwise they must take the witches magic away, but Emma being the Chosen One is a special case. Her magic removal is not on the table and she wants to keep her powers regardless. (I mean I agree with Emma, let the girl date whoever she wants) But it is another thing that drives them further apart, unfortunately, the Council ended up being right, most humans just can't handle the magical world. (Andi can handle it, so can Katie and Sophie, but Daniel can't.)

When it comes to the Fool Moon, it has a different effect on all sorts of witches. Jax's greed and envy magnify, Desdemona turns vindictive and wants Emma's powers, and Emma's impulse control is gone. This leads to Emma casting spells without really thinking about the consequences and out in the open. The Fool Moon is just a witch or wizard's desires coming to the surface. In retrospect, Maddie was just as affected, she started improving (slightly, but still progress) and didn't run from her feelings toward Diego. She was more open and entered a relationship with him.

We also see Emma's clones in this season. Her first clone, E, encompasses her dark side with none of the good. She calls Daniel dull, she's bored with him and his ideas for dates, and she finds Jax fun and wants to do magic whenever she wants. She's happy when Daniel breaks up with Emma because 1. She found him boring and 2. They get to keep their powers now and the Council can stop hounding them. This may be Emma's darkest side but it's still Emma. Some part of her does believe that Daniel is dull and finds Jax fun. Granted, her third clone, the Nerdy Emma is all about Daniel. This is why the clone spell is so very illegal, a witch is essentially pulling out a part of themselves and without the rest to balance it, they become a paragon of just one emotion or drive or aspect of their original personality. They're not whole. The Real Emma shares all these traits inside herself, she does like Daniel, she does find him dull sometimes, she does like math, she does find it boring at times, and she does like Jax but she does think he goes overboard sometimes.

See, this is where we come into an important piece of dialogue in S2 E16 between Maddie and Daniel talking about their romantic troubles.

Maddie: But if you two were still together, you'd want her to stop using her powers? Daniel: Maybe. Maddie: Then you don't accept Emma for who she is. And as a fellow witch, I'm offended for her!

This is an interesting moment in which someone like Maddie, someone who doesn't like Emma but is a witch just like her, sees that while Emma lied to Daniel, she did it because Daniel doesn't accept her as who she is.

Daniel has openly expressed anger and disinterest at the magic world. And hey, I understand, after all the spells Jax has cast on him to make him look bad in front of Emma's dad, or just the usual magic hijinks from Emma or Maddie, magic is not Daniel's friend. He doesn't find it fun or cool like Andi, he's not desensitized to it like Katie and Sophie. He's suffered from it and doesn't want anything to do with it and hey I can respect that. But this isn't good when you're in a relationship with a witch, the most powerful one in fact. So he's tiptoeing a line constantly between wanting to be with his girlfriend but disliking and fearing something that's part of her (and part of his friends' lives: Maddie and Diego).

Let's get to S3 when he was marked by Mia with her Kanay spider. Spider!Daniel broke up with Emma, started dating Mia, was a general jerk at school, even tied up his little siblings. It turns out that Mia's Spider doesn't cause him to act strange or evil, it just unleashes someone's 'inner wild'. It makes them do what they most want to do. So, Daniel did want to break up with Emma. He called Emma and Maddie trouble-brewing witches and had no problem telling a complete stranger all about their powers.

Now we could get into how Daniel's life was turned upside down more than plenty of times because of magic, but nothing beats S4 when Emma literally rewrites time when Daniel disappears. He and his family end up running an animal sanctuary and dating Mia. Then his life gets put back and it's for the worse because now he has no animals, no girlfriend, and he's back in a school hated by the principal. Overall, Daniel was not having a good time in S4. One of the many reasons why Emma puts him back where he was happy. (I would also like to remind everyone that Mia and her previously deceased parents were alive in the new accidental timeline of S4. I believe that Emma also was the cause of this, not only did she unintentionally give Daniel a better life but the same to Mia. And then she restored that life at the end of the season.)

In conclusion, Jemma forever.

But really, I hope someone reads this and enjoys or sees the situation from both sides and how they weren't really a good couple. Kind of doomed in the end when you think about it. I mean the girl loves butterflies and he's allergic to butterflies. I don't think the writers were subtle with that one, huh.

[cathedralbellz]

blog/vent: today was productive?

i started off my day pretty good, i did some morning stretches, did my makeup, woke up early, made sure i was confident and then i went to skewl

school was alright, i wrote a timed essay, worked on my credit recovery which is super dumb btw, i hate it

i hatehatehate credit recovery, it isn't even a class i failed its just a class i never took that they JUST fixed

the school system is always fucking me sideways (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

i did some stuff for my management class and joked around with some of my tablemates, quietly though bc that teacher was mad, my friend had one of those bubble blowing thingies, the ones with carcinogens and the straws, that was fun :3

then L and i went home and i went on a walk with my dog, when i got back home again i studied. i think i got a solid 2 1/2 hours of studying in which was SWEET !!! im so proud of myself, i finished my math assignment, studied for the test, did some of my AP english work and felt pretty good after. i felt like an egotistical freak though which was a high i had no idea existed but im not really complaining bc it felt so good ψ( ` ∇ ´ )ψ

after, i called L and we had a nice conversation up until she brought up colleges. im all for college but ive been having a lot of issues with it lately. ive been trying to ignore it but i just cant help feeling awful about it.

i applied for 5 colleges and 2 accepted me and 1 rejected me. my dream college rejected me. i was really shaken up and i felt so awful, i cried for like an hour. i felt like crap but i decided to ignore it and pretend like it didnt happen but im starting to come to terms with the reality that im running out of time.

the two other colleges that were my big backups havent even contacted me and im losing all hope. i dont even have a student portal for one of them. i feel so awful, they were supposed to be in my target range too, they were supposed to be easy for me to get into, even with my old GPA. i feel really shitty, the fact that i couldnt even get into the schools that were supposed to be easy for me just really really sucks.

i wanna get into a college where i can get a good education because architecture is NOT easy. its so much work and i wanna be able to get a good education for it. i wanna be able to have a good career and know a lot about it.

i KNOW what i want for myself. i KNOW ive been working hard but no one is gonna see it now. no one looks at senior year grades and it feels so awful.

L also said shes considering going to another college and i really wanted to go to the same college as her :(

i really wanted to start another school year with her and it just feels so unfair. things are really starting to suck again and all i can do is keep working harder and harder because ive come too far to stop now

it feels like im putting in twice as much work and effort for so much little results

sorry for venting so long, i just felt so good and now i feel really really crappy :(

college stuff is really kicking my butt

[idkhow-butyoufoundme]

FNFJDHDKHDKNDJH ITS DUE TODAY

[collegecoward]

Hey, so I graduated this past May and since then I've just been working 40 hours a week. I feel like I need to go to college to do something with my life but I feel like theres so much in my way and I havent done anything to even start and I dont have a clue what I'd want to do. I'm so unsure on how to do anything regarding financial aid or even applying to colleges. I'm also worried that it wouldn't work with my schedule for my job. I work 5 days with 2 off days and I'm on evenings so I feel like I wouldn't be able to balance work and school, but I would have to bc I'm my only financial support. Sorry for the dumping my problems, but any advice?

How To Do College 101

Congratulations on your graduation! Working a full-time job after graduation (during a freaking pandemic, no less) is no small feat either, and I applaud you for that, too. Once upon a time, I was like you: I didn’t know anything about college except that I wanted to go, and now I run a blog telling people how to go to college. College might be strange and unfamiliar now, but in time, you will learn how to do it! 

This might be my longest post, so strap in for a fun ride!! My answer comes to you in three parts:

How To Do Community College

How To Do University

How To Do Financial Aid

P.S. I’m going to say this only once, but feel free to ask why: Do not attend a for-profit college. Okay, now onto the basics!

How To Do Community College

I encourage you to read my Ode to Community College. Community colleges are real colleges designed for people who are low on funds, are working or have other responsibilities, don’t know what they want to study yet, and/or don’t know how college works yet.

Step 1: Applying

Community colleges accept anyone who applies, and the application is usually just like filling out a job application, but you will also need to send in your high school transcript, and I recommend sending any test scores. Your college may have you take a placement test to see if you’re ready for college. If you’re not quite ready, they may have you take some pre-college courses in English or math before you officially start a degree program.

Step 2: Choosing a Degree Program

Among other things, community colleges award associate’s degrees, which are essentially the first two years of a bachelor’s degree at a four-year college or university. You’ll take introductory classes like English, math, science, and social sciences, as well as electives (i.e. fun classes). Here’s a list of programs that might be offered at your community college.

Step 3: Taking the Right Classes

Make sure you stick to your college’s degree plan so that you take classes that 1) count toward your associate’s degree and 2) will transfer to a university. Most classes you take for an associate’s degree (AA, AS, or AFA) should transfer to a bachelor’s degree (BA, BS, or BFA) easily enough, but sometimes universities aren’t very transfer-friendly. The best option is to transfer to a university that has a partnership with your community college, which is information you should be able to find on your community college’s website. If your community college doesn’t have any partners, you’ll want to research the transfer policies at the universities you’re interested in and follow their guidelines on what classes to take.

Step 4: Transferring

In your last year of community college, you will apply to a four-year college or university for your bachelor’s degree. You’ll need to pick a major when you apply because for the next two years, that’s what you will be studying. Make sure you tour the university before you attend and get acclimated before your first day! 

How To Do University

Whether or not you attend community college for the first two years or enroll directly into a four-year college or university, you’ll want to understand how to navigate the basics as early as possible.

Step 1: Exploring Your Options

Use my Self-Reflection Toolkit and this quiz from Marquette University to explore potential majors. These are just meant to get you thinking and guide you as you learn more about yourself and your interests. This process will take time to research and figure out, and if you enroll directly into a four-year college you can change your major after you apply. As I mentioned, the first two years are mostly basics and figuring stuff out, so either way you have time. 

I was very bad at choosing colleges to apply to and applied almost at random. I learned a lot from those mistakes, and on my FAQ page you’ll see me trying to impart that wisdom on others. I recommend doing your research, going on virtual tours, and getting used to just looking at college websites, even if you don’t know what you want yet. Start by window shopping for colleges in your state and see what they have to offer you. College Board also has tools for finding a college that fits your needs. It’s worth starting as early as possible, and I know that you can do it. Like I said, I was really bad at it and I still made it through.

Step 2: Applying

Applying to a four-year college will take more steps than a community college application. Many colleges require letters of recommendation, essays, and application fees (look on their websites for fee waivers). More information is on my FAQ page, of course, but be prepared to complete these steps before application deadlines. Each college sets its own deadline, but if you want to go next year, you’ll likely need to apply by January or February. Applying can be daunting, but you will need to do it at some point, even if you go to community college first. 

Step 3: Finding Resources

Access any and all resources your university offers, which will include advising, counseling, career services, and more. The same is true at a community college, but I would argue it’s even more true at a university. You might find out about internships, research opportunities, fun events, and all that stuff that excited you when you saw it on your university’s website! Even if you don’t feel like you need resources, you’re paying for them, so you might as well use them! Often people won’t know how to help you unless you tell them you’re struggling, like how you told me what you’re going through and I wrote a post that’s turning into a short novel! (I’ll be done soon, I promise.)

Step 4: Taking The Right Classes

Just like at a community college, you want to make sure you’re taking classes that count toward your degree and interest you. Make sure you’re following the prescribed degree plan on your university’s website and communicated by your advisor. If you find that you’ve chosen a major that doesn’t fit your interests, make sure you speak with your professors, your advisor, and anyone else whose opinion you trust.

How To Do Financial Aid

Step 1: Understanding The Basics

There are three major types of financial aid: loans (money you have to pay back after you graduate), grants (government money you’re awarded based on your financial need that you don’t have to pay back), and scholarships (money from a college or other source that is awarded for any reason that you don’t have to pay back). Loans might come from the government, your college, or a bank. I recommend borrowing from the federal government because the interest is so low (basically, it’s cheaper to pay off than a bank loan).

Step 2: Filling Out FAFSA

If you want to go to college next fall, or if you just want to do a practice round, fill out FAFSA now. I’m assuming you’re under 24, so you will need your parents’ tax information even if they’re not going to help you pay for college. Filling out FAFSA will never, not ever ever ever require you or your parents to take out any loans. Rather, FAFSA gives you access to any need-based financial aid you might be eligible for, whether that aid comes from the government or not. Loans agreements are a totally separate form, and you can take some loans without your parents’ help. If you’re not eligible for FAFSA, check whether your state or college has its own FAFSA alternative.

Step 3: Reading Your Award Letter

After a college sends an acceptance letter, they will also send a financial aid award letter. The letter will show you how much you’ve been awarded in scholarships and grants and how much you can take out in loans from the federal government or the college itself. You should compare your financial aid amount to the total cost of attendance, will you can find on the college’s financial aid webpage. The total cost of attendance is how much it costs to pay for tuition, fees, housing, and a rough estimate of your other living expenses. Basically, it’s how much it costs to be a student for one year.

As you said, I wouldn’t expect you to be able to work 40 hours while maintaining good grades, so may need to be frugal and creative to fill in any gaps financial aid didn’t cover. Private colleges tend to have a really big “sticker price,” but may offer generous scholarships as discounts, whereas public colleges tend to be cheaper and may have (large and small) scholarships to help you pay.

Step 4: Applying

In addition to the scholarships that you may be automatically awarded if you meet certain criteria, your colleges may also have scholarships that you have to apply for by yourself. This information will be located on a college’s financial aid webpage. There are also scholarships from nonprofit organizations and businesses. Visit my resources page for info, ask people you know if they’re aware of any scholarships, ask your boss and coworkers, and ask Google for “scholarships in [your town].”

Okay, I threw a lot at you, but those are the basics as I see them! You can totally do this. It’s going to be a big learning curve, but the payoffs will be big. And you can always come back here for more advice and reassurance. I’m proud of you already for thinking of your future and doing what you can to support yourself and your learning.

[mshelennorville]

ugh i know i’ve made this post before but i’m honestly just in awe of how much and how quickly my studies/perception of my own abilities turned around last semester. like i’ve struggled so much with impostor syndrome and not feeling like i’m good enough or feeling less than. i’ve struggled a lot with my sense of self, especially through having adhd, i was the typical case of doing really well in high school and having rly inflated ambition etc and then going to university and crashing and burning (multiple times) i tried studying like 3 or 4 different things and ending up hating it/dropping out after a semester until i finally started studying film when i was 23. it kind of felt like a last hope for me like i even remember when i did my big 6 month backpacking trip before i moved to melb i was in toronto hanging out with my friend who was trying to convince me to get a work visa and move there and work with him and i told him i was thinking id go back to aus and start studying again but that id consider it and i remember he made like a flippant remark about me trying study again like it wasnt intended to be rude but just that he knew that id hated uni every time id gone lkjlkjsf and even when i started the course i knew that like it was kinda my last hope of getting a degree which had always been a big goal of mine, i felt shit about myself a lot of my best friends from high school had already graduated at this point and i just felt hopeless - and studying something creative after feeling for so long like it wouldnt yield a stable future was a bit of a ‘fuck you i’m done’ kinda move on my part too lol but even through the first year and a half (and even a smidge beyond that) i was battling back and forth whether to drop out and i cried about it to my therapist numerous times because i didnt feel good enough and that it was hopeless etc and that everyone else was better than me, more focused than me. i couldnt even sit through films without being on my phone bc my adhd wouldnt let me so how the f was i gonna work in the industry lmao ! it was so challenging bc i legit didnt know what id do if i dropped out !!! but i just kinda kept going no matter how miserable i was and how much i was sobbing in week 13 writing my essay or how much i felt like everyone in the course were making friends with each other but i had no one or how scared i was to share my ideas with people !!!! i literally felt so bad in every way !!! 

but like through small building affirmations things just keep getting better !!! last semester i pitched a concept for a 16mm short film and it was one of the 4 ideas chosen out of like 25 to be made and i had the most rewarding experience directing the project and made amazing connections with people and created something actually amazing ??? the teachers had almost no negative feedback for it and i got the best grade i’ve ever received lol and i made some rly good friends and got a lot of positive reinforcement from the actors and people saying that i struck a rly good balance with directing and that i was amazing to work with !!! but even after that experience going into 3rd year and beginning major projects i had reservations and felt really nervous because i didnt feel prepared and i was worried that people wouldnt like my idea or after only having written/directed for all of my projects so far i felt like i had to Perform again. the the impostor syndrome - though a lot more muted than before bc i have positive experiences to lean back on!! - was kinda there again like this idea that everything i’ve accomplished so far has been a fluke and that people are gonna realise im dumb etc. etc. lmao but like ! ive pitched an idea and people i dont even know from the course have reached out saying they love it and want to work on it with me and i have basically a full crew ?? just need someone on sound?? and we havent even had the class where we have discussions about it and talk more in depth, thats solely based on a less than 2 minute video pitch and ive had so much interest !!! and it just feels so nice !! like i know this isnt the end, we still have to get greenlit by the panel before it will move ahead to production but its just so validating to have people behind you who show interest and passion toward ur ideas !! 

and ive been chatting to other people about ideas and their film concepts/chatting about helping out with other roles on other films for ppl bc u can do that and id love more hands on experience on sets so im trying to get into sound design and production design bc like no ones gonna hire a film student grad as a director kljlkjsf you gotta be a worm ! 

but like basically this is a really long winded way of saying that i cant believe people actually really value my ideas and my vision and feedback. i got this message from one of the most intelligent people i’ve ever met and like... just two bros being in awe of each other... cleansing 

honestly like !! if you read this far wig go off !! i havent done one of these long winded feelings dumps in a long time but its like good and positive feelings moving forward, even in social iso i feel so connected and wonderful. peace n blessings love u all. chase ur dreams and dont give up !! @ past me and at all of u out there !!  its gonna be ok keep going u got this bitch !!! 

[madokasoratsugu]

living dead

[muhyo/enchu/yoichi/biko friendship fic]

summary: The little ways whereby Muhyo, Yoichi and Biko cope (or don't) with Enchu's departure.

a/n: deep sigh. i was Sad so i wrote this instead of working on an impt essay. my grades are dying. so am i. so is everyone’s heart in this fic LMAO. pls read and enjoy !! as usual read on ao3 if possible, thanks!

ao3��/ ffnet

Brushing a hand across his forehead, Muhyo feels Enchu tremble with barely contained giggles as his fingers snap against his forehead, an epiphany of giggles of erupting from the pale haired boy.

Enchu’s skin is soft, unscarred. It turns red from the gentlest squeeze, bruises from the slightest push.

He is fragile, that much is clear; but Muhyo doesn’t realise how easily his gentle friend hurts until the town is burning around them, people’s screams fill the streets and Muhyo hears Enchu whisper “you took everything from me”, voice cracking and eyes glossed over with madness.

(madness or sorrow, blame or grief, lies or truth

i love you or i hate you

those whispered words, always whispered in such a shy voice as if the words were a secret only for muhyo’s ears, echo in muhyo’s mind every time he feels the weight of his executor’s book in his hand;

his mind wanders further and the words get louder when he finds an assistant with a smile that captures the essence of fragility his friend once wore like a cloak wrapped ‘round his lithe frame)

--------

“You’re lying, lying, Enchu, why, why, don’t-don’t go! Don’t do this Enchu!”

Yoichi’s pitiful screams seem to pass right by the boy in mention, who smiles mockingly down at the tear streaked face of his former friend.

The judge to be’s hands are shaking, fingers frozen around his pen and seals.

He hears footsteps behind him, knows them well enough to know it’s Muhyo’s, knows Enchu well enough to spot the flickering panic in the way his chest dips in a quick exhale.

Opening his mouth, Yoichi gives out one last strangled plea.

“Soratsugu…!”

(yoichi remembers the pale haired boy with his brilliant smile, remembers how the corners of enchu’s sky blue eyes would crinkle with amusement, remembers the way enchu’s thin arms had curled around his waist, remembers enchu’s soft sigh whenever yoichi buries his face in the crook of his neck.

yoichi remembers, treating enchu who looked like he would snap in half at the softest wind, like the finest of china.

most of all, yoichi remembers the sound of enchu’s soft laugh;

like chimes, long bidden sorrows, a tired song.)

--------

“You’ll get sick again if you eat too much.” Biko always half-heartedly chides, another steaming loaf already being brought to the table to be cut.

She knows better than anyone else, of his weak health, too breakable bones and tragic immune system; she’s their room’s unspoken for doctor, fingers calloused and scratched from herbs and artifact making, constantly smoothing down Enchu’s back as he heaves into the toilet bowl for the umpteenth time that day.

“I can never, not when you’ve baked it.” Enchu always laughs as a reply.

(then enchu takes rio away, the first(perhaps fourth) person to mean so dearly to biko she would gladly have traded an arm, an leg for her to be returned;

yet all biko can think is ‘who’s been accompanying you these cold nights in the lavatory nowadays enchu, you havent been taking care of yourself; look at the weight youve lost, im glad youre alive’

and she weeps for the boy whose heart was weaker than his body,

for the boy she would have traded her soul to be returned.)

--------

None ever talk about the white haired boy when they gather (if they gather).

They trade boisterous greetings, loud smiles, but never, never broach the subject of their once-friend emblazoned on every ‘wanted’ poster, every front page of every newspaper.

Not even when Biko cooks for four; not even when Yoichi turns to reach for a hand that isn’t there; not even when Muhyo leaves Biko’s house, leaves all that he knows and dearly loves, and doesn’t turn back for two whole years.

--------

When Enchu left, he took something from them.

They don’t know what it is, but they all know it left them hollow, desperate, maddeningly sad.

It’s a something that pushes Biko to practice artifact making late into the night, cutting herbs by the moonlight and fusing metal by day, until her spirit is as scratched and burnt as her hands are; but never her heart, no, never her heart.

It’s a something that made Yoichi give up two whole years of his youth to pour over data sheets and dated photographs, scrutinising grainy images and decoding unfamiliar jargon until he earns a detested title he never needed.

It’s a something that weighs on Muhyo like his executor’s cloak, something that he never allows himself to put aside, contracting every envoy he can get his hands on to become a person worthy of a title he swore he would polish until every living being regretted ever gifting it to him.

--------

They were interviewed just once, about what they thought of the fallen student, the magic law exile, the betrayer.

Nobody has ever found the transcript, tape, or interviewer.

--------

“Muhyo, we’ll try again tomorrow.”

Biko’s voice is quiet, her hands soothing as she rubs salve over his new burn.

Muhyo remains silent, wishing a snarky remark out his mouth, but his leaden tongue prevents him.

Yoichi sits slumped beside him, clearly exhausted from the tempering drain of envoy contracting.

Matching purple bruises rest under both their eyes, but both show refusal in the firm grip of pen and book.

Biko presses harder onto Muhyo’s skin. Muhyo flinches. Yoichi murmurs a joke about her poor skills as a doctor.

One of the four emperors of Hell is difficult to contract, but it’s necessary.

As necessary as the scars that embed itselves deep into the trio’s heart, with every failed attempt, with every lead becoming a dead end.

As necessary as the pain they condemn themselves to, in hopes that one day they’ll understand the pain they unknowingly forced upon the one dearest to them.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” Biko says, much more firmly.

She screws the salve container shut, and drags a comforter from her bag. Draping it carefully over the duo, Biko leaves no room for refusal, no room for either to shake and cry and give up - not for them, not for herself.

“We’ll try again tomorrow.” Biko repeats.

Hearing the flat note in her voice, Yoichi pulls her down to rest beside him while Muhyo finally mumbles an agreement.

--------

Time is supposed to heal all wounds.

Time is supposed to help them move on.

Muhyo points out the irony once, quite literally. The belltower with a clock face has never been fixed since the night the town burnt, a pronounced crack running across it’s glass face.

The hands of the clock inside are cracked, splintered. But running mechanisms keep it ticking in place, forever trying to move forward but failing.

Seeing that, Muhyo had laughed for the first time since the night his world fell apart.

Hearing that, Yoichi held Muhyo’s hand a little tighter, while Biko pressed closer to Muhyo’s side.

--------

Enchu is fractured glass, muddy snow, wilted bellflowers.

Enchu is a thousand metaphors, and then more.

Enchu was someone who loved and loved and loved -

And tired of it.

When he appears like he disappeared, in a flurry of confetti adorning a smile too crooked to be genuine, all three remember what the association, the world, always forced them to forget.

Enchu isn’t a metaphor.

Soratusgu is a broken boy who lost too much, too fast, who hurt too easily and pushed himself to try even when he couldn’t.

Soratsugu is a beloved friend.

And they would never, ever, forget that.

--------

“When we can properly meet him again,” Biko starts, softly. Always the only one brave enough to broach the subject, to force them to confront and heal, no matter how broken and backwards their healing may be. “What do you want to say?”

Yoichi visibly settles, lips thinning in a small smile. “That’s a hard thing to pick from an entire bucket load i’ve saved, Biko. Maybe where have you been all this time, you ass?” Always the only one brave enough to say what he thinks, from fear that one day they’ll be gone too, because he said something too late, too little.

Muhyo snorts, taking a step back to distance himself from the hubbub of the inventory store. “As if we already don’t know.” He mutters, leaning heavily against Yoichi’s side. Always the only one mincing his crude words, hiding a softer, gentler side, too afraid of hurting and being hurt again; yet speaking up anyway, because what are words if not to communicate and love?

Yoichi laughs, in a way that makes Muhyo helplessly grin and Biko hide a smile in the curve of her elbow.

“That’s right, we do, don’t we?”

--------

There’s a strangled cry, an outstretched hand, an alarmed yell, and Enchu pummels into the demon carriage, carried by love and magic and the faith of three friends.

For the first time, in a long, long while, the trio watches Enchu let go of his breath, and cry.

Biko is wiping away his tears as fast as they fall. Yoichi cradles him to his chest. Muhyo is slumped against his front, half-conscious.

Still, all three manage to say one phrase lying on the tip of their tongues for two long, long, years.

“Welcome home, Enchu.”

There’s a hiccup, a strained but familiarly beautiful laugh.

“I’m back. I’m back. I’m home.”

And for the first time, in a long, long while, the world settles around Biko, Yoichi, and Muhyo, and everything feels like it will finally be alright.

[arbitrarytactile]

(Just gonna fill this because I have no followers 😔)

1. School was awful. Where I lived they didn't do screenings, so I struggled through grade school with unchecked ADHD AND dyslexia.

2. Not currently, but I want to try it.

3. I have a handful, but right now Camp Camp, pokemon, and The Living Tombstone

4. Probably the Akatsuki from Naruto. I've been obsessed with them for 15 years strong and have written a few essays and presentations on them that I preform on any of my willing friends. Also Death Note. I we watch the series at LEAST twice a year.

I dont even?? Like Naruto or Death Note? Loke whenever I talk about them I get super heated, but my brain just needs to take in this content.

5. My most problematic is probably?? The fact my main go-to stuff to listen to is Drama Channels on YouTube. Idk why. Probably because its so inconsequential to me. Ita like how people watch reality TV. I know so many dumb facts about random YouTubers and their drama. Usually whenever something BIG happens where general population people actually hear about it I step in to clarify situation (see me having to explain to my Japanese coworker the Logan Paul Death Forest Disco of 2017 because her daughter was talking about it)

6. I hyperfixating on shows/movies mainly. Something I can make content for. Also on YouTube I cycle through different topics. These hyperfixations are separate, as I only listen to specific things (usually people talking with limited priority on images, so I can listen while drawing and the visuals won't distract me too much (if at all). Also, to a smaller scale, I hyperfixate on music. Can be a genre, band, or specific playlist built around a character or ship i like.

7. Coffee helps me focus, but I have a heart condition so I heed to be careful when I take in caffeine. I have chronic Tired Bitch Disorder, tho, so I need it at work to Survive.

8. I started researching when I was 19 and told my then friends, who ignored me and dismissed their idea until I had to come with the DMCA file HIGHLIGHTED with all the traits I had.

Due to insurance I havent had a chance to get diagnosed yet (ill be 25 early next year), but one of my partners and I have VERY similar traits and he is diagnosed.

We aren't. Subtle. Anyone could look at me and know I have Something tbe fuck up.

9. STIMS. GOSH. I HAVE SO MANY and ia always forget whenever I'm asked. I REALLY like processing things with my hands/mouth. Like shelling nuts or breaking things down thay don't need it.

I do a lot of TAPPING. usually full-on flappy hands (or rather for me it's fists) is a stress response. So I don't do it often in a happy sense unless I find out I'm about to go do something I REALLY like to do. I just. Tap. A lot. Both my hands and my toes.

(Fun fact: im a preschool teacher. I teach kids 20 months-3 years. Kids just stim! All kids stim! And my students have started adopting my stims!! Its super cute!!)

10. I really like slime, but more on the putty/play dough side.

11. I actually really enjoy fidget spinners. I used to have a glittery pink glow in the dark one, but it disappeared :(

12. I learned best by sight and doing it! Like, if I'm watching something and doing it at the same time I learn super well.

Because of my dyslexia traits I need to read and hear someyhing at the same time to be able to process it properly, or it takes my full focus if I'm just reading. Reading + audio book and dialogue + subtitles us BOMB.

13. It really depends. If I'm having a really sensative day I have a LOT of trouble processing voices/sound. I am also very sensitive to touch and usually Cannot be touched without getting really testy. I'm usually super quiet these days and will keep my noise canceling headphones on as much as possible. On good days I am really bouncy and huggy and LOUD. I have... trouble with volume control.

14. If I'm trying to work on something and watching videos sometimes a video will catch my interest on my recc thay requires more attention to consume, so I'll watch it instead of working. Or, my go-to executive Dysfunction "I Don't Wanna Get Up" distraction of scrolling through tumblr forcehati think is 5 minutes bug turns out to be 30.

15. I really wish people would leave me alone when im giving off signals. I wish extroverted people, especially strangers, will stop bothering me when im trying so desperately to focus (this was a huge problem before Covid when I would spend hours sitting in Starbucks trying to work).

I also wish people would be more understanding when I have trouble controlling my volume. Like if im trying to explain something I CANNOT whisper, and it is VERY hard for me to keep my voice low. Loke it takes a lot of effort and it makes it hard for me to focus on the topic im talking about and it breaks my concentration.

Im not yelling. I know im not. Please stop telling me to quiet down pleaseeeeeeeee for my concentration and my RSD

ADHD asks

what is/was school like for you?

are you medicated?

what’s your latest hyperfixation?

what’s your oldest hyperfixation?

what’s the most problematic hyperfixation you’ve ever had (don’t lie, everyone had at least one in their young years)

what type do you have?

how do you react to coffee?

when did you know you had ADHD?

favorite stim / one you do most often?

slime or floam?

opinion on fidget spinners?

how do you best learn (visual, auditory etc)

how sensitive are you?

what most often distracts you?

what do you wish people understood about adhd?

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

Like im sorry i want to be able to finish my work and still get at least 4 hours of sleep.

I made a 80 on a quiz that i planned to study all week for because im so busy tht i was only able to study at literally the last minute. And i spent hrs searching for a paper source only for my professor to tell me that it wasn't a good source. And i have to find another source by Wednesday. And my group mate wont fucking get their work turned in so i cant finish the powerpoint. And i also have an essay in history and in english that i havent even gotten to start on the rough draft on. And like i have an exam so i absolutely have to find time to study for it. And my design professor is sweet but super perfectionist (literally my friends and i were complaining about how she's so perfectionist but teaches students who barely know the basics and a lot of people are failing and the only reason that I'm doing ok is my prior artistic experience and hours in the studio every few nights)

My parents wanting to go over my grades and checking me on life 360 and constantly wanting to check in and shit takes too much time. I had to leave my room and walk around campus for like 2 hours just so i could avoid calling them and pretend im busy and get some work down while walking around from place to place. My mom just can not take no for an answer. And this weekend she told me how since i didn't call her enough that week that i absolutely needed to call her tomorrow, no excuses.

Like i probably would have been getting straight A's with all the work im doing if it wasnt for her constantly wanting to talk. I love you but i have a busy week. Last week was busy, this week is busy, next week will probably be too. Its just that time of the year. And im already feeling weak bcs i have super heavy periods and so i have to keep myself on caffine so i don't feel too lightheaded to work. Idek if i can get my laundry done today.

Mom: focus on school way more

Me: k *does that and barely has time to finish my work and study and thus cant call my mom*

Mom: why do u never call me ?? 😡