#i havent done the brokes together yet but it will happen eventually...

[plumbogs]

i love making backstory images to put in as decoration. family album stuff yay

[thoughts-of-the-unheard]

oh nothing in a book has ever made me as angry as fucking pissed off as i am now about the end of chain of iron and i have a lot to say on it (i have more to say on the last few chapters of chain of iron than i did on the entirety of the folk of the air series)

ill start with being glad lucie was able to raise jesse but definite reylo vibes there and im ignoring the end of that so watch me ignore if lucie dies ill be like yea ya know shes just,,, somewhere else but i hated how many secrets she kept from fucking everyone i mean she didnt tell a single person the whole truth of anything shes got secrets on top of secrets and thats not good but hey matthews drinking isnt good either and no one but the lucie and cordelia ever really say anything about that so theres that and im not counting james’ you dont love anyone as much as you love that bottle or w/e he said bc that wasnt talking to him to try to help and get him to stop drinking that was just a hit bc they were fighting and i hate that i hate that they were fighting bc they wouldnt have been if it wasnt for that fucking bracelet and which has caused so many fucking problems that i could cry in indignation bc its not its not fucking fair james spent the last what three years of his life in a fog not being able to feel and not being able to notice his parabatai slowly spiraling into a drunken depression from something thats not his fault at all i mean yes it is his fault that his mother took the potion but it is not his fault that the baby died thats no ones fault but whoever sold him the potion and yea he shouldnt have bought it in the first place but he was kid and he thought that was the only way he could get the truth and its unfair its fucking unfair and alistair god alistair he knows what he did in school was wrong but he saw it as the only way and now hes trying to make up for it and apologise and be a better fucking person and thomas sees that and thomas loves him for that and alistair wont let himself be loved and its not fair and anna oh anna talk about not letting yourself be loved she put on such a good front she did but she shouldnt have ariadne loves her and wants to be with her fully with her but anna has to understand the stigma of that and why ariadne cant come out yet hell thats still a problem today but we wont get into that because anna clearly loves ariadne but shes too afraid of getting hurt again and frankly she should just go for it i mean so what if you get hurt again at least youll finally feel something because i know she feels nothing for all those other girls i know theyre just replacements for ariadne and it isnt fair and speaking    of   replacements    fucking grace fuck grace but fucking grace just casually destroying james life listen i dont give a shit how she grew up i couldnt care less about how tatiana treated her and how scared she was of her because if shed just fucking helped then she wouldnt have to worry about a damn thing from tatiana i mean theres a number of things grace couldve done she couldve told the merry thieves everything and they couldve defeated belial like they are now and then no one would be around to help tatiana and grace couldve told anyone in the clave about all of tatianas shit and then they wouldnt have underestimated her and she wouldve been in a proper prison and thus unable to escape so damn easily and thus not fucking able to get to grace okay shes a fucking idiot and i hate her and i hate reading about her and im fucking disappointed in her for not taking the damn bracelet off okay i had very fucking low standards for her but i hoped she would take the bracelet off and at the very least i thought she could fucking not manipulate him further like god damn girl james is a much nicer and understanding person than i am and he would try to protect her from tatiana if he knew that grace was being threatened by her if grace took the bracelet off and told him the truth he would help her i fully believe that but since he had to find out on his own he was furious as he should be but i dont think he had to be nice to her when she showed up at the end there i mean i wouldve just yanked her in the house and started yelling at her right there fuck pretending his still under that enchantment fuck talking to her in private okay id chew her out in the entryway its not like cordelia doesnt need to know she fucking does and i think her finding out by overhearing james arguing with grace is actually a fantastic way to find out because she gets to hear everything all of what james feels and all of what grace did completely unfiltered not that james would try to hide it from her but hed definitely try to soften the blow and i just think she needs to hear the whole truth and AND i really fucking hate when characters overhear only part of something and assume the worst and run away its so common and i hate it so much and i hate how she ran to matthews because i knew it was going to happen and i knew matthew was in love with her and that it was already straining their bond because no one fucking realised that james was madly fucking in love with cordelia because of that fucking bracelet have i mentioned have i mentioned how much that bracelet pisses me off i dont think i have lets get into it so how james was unable to feel properly for three years and how his head was so foggy he was unable to think properly too and how because of that he missed matthew becoming a drunk and how the merry thieves look to james as their leader so if james isnt saying anything about it then there must not be anything to say and how james was already in love with cordelia before the bracelet and thats part of why grace couldnt control him and how he loved her for years how he was in love with her for years how no one knew this not even him because everyone thought he was in love with grace how cordelia was in love with him but thought he was in love with grace how cordelia got married to him knowing she was in love with him and thinking he was in love with someone else how she could tell he wanted her but thinking he just wanted her body and that he was still in love with grace how she’d rather have some of him than none of him at all how he picked out everything in their house with cordelia in mind how he remembered that she loves chess and she never thought he would how he learned a whole other language for her how he immediately checks on her after every battle how everyone, especially cordelia, just writes all this off as who knows what because he cant be in love with cordelia if hes in love with grace and hes obviously in love with grace how no one could ever notice there was something wrong because they were feeling the effects too how james was so in love with cordelia that that love unintentionally broke an enchantment made specifically for james by a Prince Of Hell one of the most powerful beings the entire species will ever meet and i think that covers the gracelet situation but i keep thinking of the scene where the bracelet cracks when grace first went to curzon street and kissed james and james’ mind literally thinking it was cordelia because who else would he be kissing and afterward grace saying ‘i dont know who you think you were kissing, james herondale, but it wasnt me’ and im like damn right bitch get fucked but back to cordelia running to matthews okay i know she didnt know matthew was in love with her so she wasnt doing anything wrong going to him but i kept thinking they were going to kiss or something because we all know matthews in love with her and there were a bunch of hints that cordelia might be attracted to matthew and she was upset about james and i just kept thinking something bad would happen and i was right but shit i didnt think id be like that i had no idea matthew was leaving for paris and even less of an idea that cordelia would join him and the thing is i cant even be mad i cant blame her i would probably do the same thing hell id probably ask to go with and im very proud of her for saying she’d go If matthew stops drinking i really appreicate that and i hope he gets better but the all those misses how james left the house only minutes after cordelia and arrived at matthews only minutes after they left and how he could see them at the train station could see them getting on the train and leaving and leaving him behind because his sister is missing and he shouldve ran and caught them and begged them to stay if not just to help find lucie because they both think of lucie as a sister and they absolutely wouldve stayed to help her and then there would be the chance for james to explain the gracelet situation and everything would be fine it would fine eventually and everything would be okay but NO and ive said a lot but i havent even mentioned cordelia being a paladin for fucking lilith yet where did that come from i was not expecting that ill tell ya see i thought it was odd that wayland the smith would still be alive and that it wasnt mentioned in any of the other books and i thought it was odd that some apparently god-like blacksmith would be wearing such an elegant jeweled necklace and i thought it was odd that magnus would be back from the spiral labyrinth for just a day and would be staying with hypatia instead of ya know his own place but shit id never have put it together as one person let alone lilith and i cant say it came out of nowhere because it said that edom used to be liliths so it would make sense that she would want belial gone so she could have it back but still that was unexpected but im not disappointed i mean im obviously upset that cordelia is now pledged to the mother of demons and feels like she cant even touch a weapon speaking of which what did she do with cortana where did she put it she said she dealt with it which makes me nervous but we know she couldnt have broken it or anything a) because i dont think she physically can and b) emma has cortana later but i think cordelia should keep cortana close since its the only thing that can mortally would belial and apparently he only needs one more before something happens im guessing before hes like gone gone so she definitely needs cortana and lilith wants her to kill belial so i think she should and if shes stuck as liliths paladin after that and never wants to touch a weapon again so be it but get rid of belial first ya know anyway i think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember so if you read all of this holy shit im sorry thats a lot i hope it was entertaining at least and i hope i didnt also get you pissed off

[awakaru]

So, since the Hell Month is over and I'm in an okay space, lemme tell y'all about it!

[[MORE]]

Mercy had a fever for the first time in forever, so she got paranoid and got tested for the covid. Which led to her having a couple weeks off since she couldn't go back without the results.

During that time, we stayed with Chi for a solid week to protect her from a guy she lives with that felt entitled to her. I was gonna stay longer, but there was a covid scare and I was sent home.

A week of normalcy followed. The day after our next D&D session, shit hit the fan.

First off, Gordo started shit with the guy he rooms with. Full blown screaming and condescension followed, and Mercy felt the need to call and check up on me cuz she was worried I was the one being yelled at. That's totally normal and not a trauma response /s

So Fred left with his shit in the pouring rain. I had just gotten TikTok so I was drowning out my anxiety with funny MHA skits and D&D things.

Mercy apparently went to get food to get things back to 'normal', so we all got some chicken.

I tried to stop a fight between Mercy and Gordo, cuz the latter was listening to conservative bullshit and it was bothering the former. I told him not to be rude after she left, and he followed me into my room to continue the convo that I just tried to end. He was pulling his passive aggressive shit so I sent him off by closing the door in his face. He left.

Apparently Mercy heard me raise my voice and followed Gordo outside. I don't know for sure what happened cuz I was still inside, but it got to the point where Gordo started fucking screaming so I went to investigate. I got there in time so see Mercy black out and beat the shit out of him. So did Gordo's friend Joey, who me and Mercy very recently had a falling out with cuz he's ignorant.

She even tried to choke Gordo out. At that point I was fed up with his shit so I told her to do it cuz he deserved it. But she stopped, and I had to lead her back inside, not without saying she "can't debate with a fascist". Cuz that's what he fucking is.

She got to our bedroom and proceeded to burst into tears and have a panic attack, I think. I tried my very best to calm her down. She said we had to go. Like, GO go, as in not come back. I was okay yeah fair, and reached out to Chi to see if we could stay for a bit. She said no cuz of the covid scare, so I called one of my D&D friends. She said yes, so we started packing.

Around this time I had Mama on the phone cuz she could not come home yet but didn't want to leave us alone in case something happened.

I heard the guy who /just had a fight with Gordo like AN HOUR AGO/ come in to his fucking defense, first berating Merxy and then me. After he finished with me, Joey came in and threw his drink at me! Because I dared to tell my "brother" to go die, in an effort to get to leave me alone. But I knew there was no point explaining myself so I told him to go die too after telling me I was a stupid bitch and that he hated me 🤷🏽‍♀️

So at this point, me and Mercy continued packing, cuz the boys went for a walk or some shit, who cares. We had Mama on the line for a while and then we said bye after we left the house.

So me and Mercy are homeless now. Our D&D friend could only put us up for a single night, so we fell to our last resort: Yami, my "bestie".

But I would not call them that. We havent been all that close since that huge fight we had like, two years ago. But I wanted to help them, cuz they have a young son and I wanted to try to make his life better in whatever small ways I could. That's a post for another time, though.

They agreed to let us stay til we got our shit together, and that we were welcome there. But I sure as hell didn't feel welcome. They were saying basically from Day One that they were gonna make sure we were uncomfortable so we wouldn't get complacent 😑 Nevermind the fact that me and Mercy were dealing with a huge sense of loss and grief!

We didn't even last a full week, guys. Every day was some sort of altercation, and I had had enough with their "my way or the highway" attitude. So the day they woke me up to drag me into their room to prove a point, I knew it was gonna go poorly. And it did!

I won't even mention what brought this on cuz honestly it's not important, like at all. All that matters is that I was Done™ and on the verge of shutdown as they explained why I "didn't need to be right all the time". I tried my best to exit the convo but I guess they needed to have the last word so they kept on going. But I was already done so I just walked away, and then hell broke loose.

It escalated to the point where I straight up told them we weren't friends, and that led to them basically disowning me =3= And they proceeded to call me the "anonymous person living in [their] home".

Sooo, at this point I'm homeless again cuz there ain't no way I'm going back to that toxic environment. I was allowed to hang at my D&D friend's place again, and during that time Chi managed to get a yes from her sister-in-law for me to stay with them. I picked Mercy from work, had her grab my essentials, and we drove all the way to Chi's. So I live with her now.

Now at this point Yami had been removed from my life almost completely, except for one thing: our weekly D&D game. I had invited them to play a few months ago and they've been a permanent player since then, along with their son coming to guest play sometimes. But after this final fallout (we actually had a falling out like a month or two ago at this point too so like yikes) I sure as hell didn't want them there.

Me and Mercy are the only OG players at this table; we've been there from the very fucking beginning. We went through two location changes and general party changes as well. This game helped me keep track of time and helped keep me sane through many shitty situations in the last few /years/. No way were they taking this from me.

So, this Monday, we all gathered at our table. I was super fucking anxious, to the point where I had to take off my glasses and hide behind my hat. They were "being cordial" but that passive aggressive version where they make pointed jabs that sound like small talk. It was infuriating. But I didn't fall for their bait.

Our DM put us in a meeting. I explained the bare details needed to clarify the situation, and we proceeded to try to compromise. Yami would not accept any. "If I can leave emotions at the door, so should they," they said. "They need to act like adults."

Mercy started packing up, and so did I cuz I just wanted something else to focus on. But I never had any intention of leaving. Our DM brought up since compromise apparently wasn't working, then he would have to rule this in favor of seniority. So I stood my ground. And Yami had no choice but to accept the ruling, and was taken home.

Knowing that things were tense, our DM took us to Chili's to relax, with a short detour through Lowe's while we waited for seats. I had not felt so calm in a looong time, or so exhausted; shifting from being a night owl to a morning person and back to a night owl was having a toll on me. But I was so glad that I didn't let them take this group from me.

Now, Mercy is trying to find a place for us so we can actually start saving up for our eventual move out of state, and also not further inconvenience Chi and her family, whose home I currently live in. I wish I had any sort of ability that would make making money online an option for me, but I was always so afraid of sharing creations that I know that's not an option now. So, if we find a place, I'll defs have to find a job, which I'm not looking forward to at all tbh. But I'm safe for now, so I guess that's something.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Unexpected Arrival -4

Pairing: Eventual Bucky x Reader, Possible Steve x Reader

Summary: As if working with the Avengers wasn’t exciting enough…. an unexpected visitor is about to change your life forever.

A/N: This part kinda took a little angsty turn! After the next chapter, there may be a little time jump.... i havent decided yet. Thank you to everyone who is reading/sharing, it means alot!

I was cleared by Bruce, as long as i promised to take it easy for a couple of days! Bucky walked with me back to the residential floor, Evie safely tucked into his right arm as i leant on his left for a bit of support.

"Hey Buck, lets just stop in the common room for a bit. I need to eat and not be stuck in a bed for a while"

"You sure? Bruce said to rest...."

"I'll be resting just fine on the sofa, while you make me a sandwich"

"Okay, deal" he chuckled shaking his head as we walked into the common room. I walked over to the sofa and gently lowered myself down, Bucky standing close by waiting for me to get comfortable.

"I'm not sure how much rest you'll get when the team realise you and Evie are in here" he said leaning forward to place Evie in my arms once he saw i was settled "what do you want on your sandwich doll?"

"I really dont mind, id eat anything im that hungry" i scoffed as i snuggled into the sofa with Evie laying on my chest.

"Well i'll be damned!!" Came the booming voice of Sam Wilson.

"Shhhhh she's sleeping bird brain!" Bucky snapped as he playfully shoved Sams shoulder.

"Sorry! I didnt know!" He mumbled as he walked over and sat across from me "i heard what happened but i thought they were all just messing with me!!"

"Nope its true, surprise huh?"

"Id say!! She's beautiful Y/N" Sam flashed a huge grin as he looked down at Evie.

"Thank you Sam" i smiled proudly and looked over to see Bucky keeping a close eye on us while he made my sandwich.

"What are you? The baby bodyguard?" Sam laughed teasing Bucky, Sam had obviously noticed that Bucky was keeping a close eye on us.

"Try the baby daddy!" Bucky replied with a dead straight face and murder in his eyes.

"What??!!" Sam practically squealed at Bucky's reply.

"Oh my god Buck.... did you really just say that?" I laughed at him, his eyes met mine and his facade broke as he burst out laughing "im sorry! I heard Tony say it yesterday" Bucky shrugged as he walked over with the plate holding my sandwich.

"Please don't ever say that again"

"Wait.... are you serious? Or are you fucking with me?? i honestly cant tell!"

Sam said shaking his head and looking super confused.

"Language! Don't swear around my daughter!" Bucky slapped Sam on the back of the head as he passed.

"Switch please" i smiled up at Bucky before taking the plate, once his hands were free he carefully picked up Evie and had her held against his chest in no time.

"Wow..... you’re like... good at the dad thing Buck" Sam said sounding surprised.

"I had younger sisters growing up, it was a long time ago but I'm pretty sure its still the same" he chuckled.

"Wait, how long have you two...."

"You can take this one Buck I'm eating" i said with a shit eating grin.

"Thanks Y/N" he rolled his eyes, looked at Sam and shrugged "it was one time, we're not together.... but we're in this together. Right doll?" He looked at me and smiled.

"Yep, what he said" i replied trying to keep my tone steady, it hurt a little hearing how casual he made it sound. It took me back to when he had acted like nothing had happened between us  after we finally slept together all those months ago.

"I cant believe y'all have a baby!"

"Neither can we!" I said around a mouthful of my sandwich "imagine my surprise when Bruce told me i didn't have stomach flu and that i was in fact in labour!"

"Thats crazy sweetheart"

"Sure was, scariest thing I've ever been through Sammy....And the pain.... nothing compares to that!"

"But it was worth it, look what you got out of it" Sam was hovering around Evie clearly wanting to hold her but Bucky wasn't parting with her just yet.

"She was worth every bit of the pain".

Later that afternoon I was walking back to the common room after taking a shower and getting into clean clothes, i stopped by the door when i heard Sam and Bucky talking in hushed voices.

"Oh come on man! These girls are hot! You cant pass that up!" Sam was saying to Bucky.

"I don't know Sam, i don't really think me going out on a date is a good idea right now"

"Why the hell not?? Just because you got a kid now? Im sure Evie wont mind"

"Y/N's been through a lot man, i just feel like i need to be here for her and Evie"

"Buck come onnnn! they will both probably be asleep by 7pm! the date is at 8, you dont need to stay that long..."

I couldn't believe what i was hearing! I pushed the door open making sure it was loud enough that they heard me. Both men turned to face me, Sam with a huge fake smile and Bucky just looked plain guilty.

"Sorry did i interrupt something?" I asked casually as i flipped on the kettle to make some tea.

"No doll of course not"

"I was just telling Bucky about a date i arranged for him.... a double date actually. I needed a wingman"

"Oh...."

"And I was just telling Sam that i didn't think it was a good idea. I thought it'd be best if i stayed here incase you and Evie needed me"

"If you wanna go Buck don't let us stop you" i snapped turning to face them "i'll be fine with Evie on my own"

"See! I told you she'd be cool!"

I was suddenly feeling so angry and on the verge of tears all at once! I just needed to get away from them, I walked over to Bucky and reached down taking Evie.

"She needs feeding" i said simply "go on your date Bucky" i mumbled as i turned around and headed for my room.

I was sat on my bed nursing Evie with tears running down my face when i heard the knock on my door. I chose to ignore it hoping that whoever it was would take the hint and leave me alone.

"Y/N.... doll i know you’re in there i can hear you" Steve called from outside making me sigh and wipe my tears away.

"Im just feeding Evie, i'll be out in a minute"

"Can i come in?.... i can tell you’re upset sweetheart"

"Im fine Steve..." i called back but burst into tears again. The next thing i know the door clicked open and Steve came in, he pushed the door closed behind him and locked it before rushing to my side. He sat next to me on my bed pulling me into him carefully while trying not to disrupt Evie's feeding.

"You wanna tell me whats wrong?" He asked quietly as he stroked my arm trying to calm me down.

"Im just a huge hormonal mess right now Steve" i mumbled not wanting to admit what had set me off "its been a lot to adjust to i guess and i think its all just catching up to me"

"You sure thats all? You know you can talk to me Y/N.... about anything"

"I know" i nodded "I'm not even sure why i got so upset.... not really"

"So something did upset you"

"It was stupid..... don't worry about it" i told him as i sat up seeing that Evie was done feeding, i held her blanket over my chest so i didn't expose myself to Steve.

"Could you take her for a second while i sort this out?"

"Sure" he nodded happily taking Evie.

I straightened out my shirt and settled back against the bed watching Steve burp Evie. His huge hand was rested against her chest supporting her chin and jaw, his free hand gently rubbing her back.

"How do you even know how to wind a baby Steve?" I asked curiously, he looked like a pro!

"I may have done some research" he blushed a little "i wanted to know what kinda stuff needed to be done so i could help out if you needed me to"

I was suddenly crying again!!

"Oh god.... what?? Why are you crying?"

He asked starting to panic.

"That was really thoughtful of you Steve!  I cant believe you went to that effort for us... for Evie"

"Of course i did, gotta be there for my favourite girls" he said smiling just as Evie let out a little burp making us both laugh, it was the cutest little sound!

"So why are you in here crying? Talk to me" Steve said a few minutes later.

"Steve...."

"Wouldn't have anything to do with whatever the hell Sam and Bucky were bickering over would it?"

"Probably" I nodded as i picked at a thread on the blanket avoiding looking at Steve "Sam arranged a date for Bucky. I heard them talking.... Bucky said he didn't think he should go considering I've just given birth to his daughter. He feels like he needs to be here incase we need him" i shrugged "i want him to want to be here for her, i don't want him to feel like he has to.... like she's a burden to his dating life" i admitted to Steve then started to laugh at how stupid i sounded "i sound fucking crazy i know!"

"No you don't"

"I told him to go, told him that he should go on his date.... not to let us stop him, that i would be fine on my own"

"But you don't want him to go on that date do you" It wasn't a question, it was Steve stating a fact.

"No..."

"Y/N, why don't you just tell him that?"

"Because i'll sound like a crazy woman!! he doesn't owe me anything Steve, he’s not my boyfriend.... we didn't plan this" i rambled on not even sure if i was making any sense at all "yes, we have a daughter together now but that doesn't mean he has to put his life on hold. If he wants to date who am i to stop him?"

"And what about your feelings for Bucky?"

"W..what?" I asked wide eyed, caught off guard by Steve's comment.

"Im not blind doll, i see the way you are with him... the way you look at him. You love him" Steve stated smiling "and that was before you had Evie!"

"I.... i dont... shit. So what if i do huh?? Steve, it doesnt change the fact that he doesnt feel the same way!"

"How do you know that? Have you asked him??"

"Of course i haven't asked him!! But he made it clear enough back in Alaska" i shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"if you had finally slept with the woman you loved.... would you act like nothing happened the next day?? Act like everything was normal, ignore her even. Go on dates with other women...."

"I wouldn't no"

"Exactly! There's no point in me telling Bucky how i feel because i know he will never feel the same".

"Y/N...."

"Its fine, honestly. I'll be okay, its just the hormones.... I'm over reacting" i shrugged "please don't say anything to him Steve.... i know he’s your best friend but this stays between us".

"I wont, i promise" he smiled sadly as he held my hand bringing it up to place a kiss on the back of it.

"Thank you Steve".

[fisherfurbearer]

fuck sam walmarts

and fuck management

I’ve had it. Left the store in tears tonight.

as some peoople probably/hopefully know. walmart closes at 6 pm on christmas eve. no one actually gets to leave at 6 becuase of shitty last minute customers. but it is what it is.

this. is really personal but im honestly SO close to just. killing myself? so who cares

basically. had a really really bad last few days. spent a lovely time with family (jessies family, his oma and opa and sister and parents and it was just a great time. theyre more family to me than most of my blood family) but it did make me Sad in Deep ways as we dont know if this is going to be our last christmas with his oma who isnt doing so good. and it just twisted me up a little but was othewrsiwse a great day. but then sunday i just...had a huge breakdown in the morning and decided to use my accomodation (i get 2 excused absenses a month) to cool down and gte myself together. slept a lot. woke up adn got a lot done, felt great, then i CRASHED really really bad, got really angry, lashed otu, took like...8-10 sleeping pills...theyre horrific things and im never doing that again...had to sleep for two days after that...felt horrifically sick, in pain, just awful. had repeating nightmares over and over. which has also been wearing me down recently. wasnt able to work monday either because i still couldnt stand and between the pills and the depression/anxiety and really just. felt like the world was ending.

decided sometime last night id just...try my best to make it in today, work my shift (really long 9-6, knowing i wouldnt leave on time nad htisis my first time working in 5 days now...which is rough...) and if i can get through this, i have another couple days off in a row after that (schedules fault, not mine...do feel awful i missed 3 days before that though...) and we can just. get back on track

today i DID go to work, jessie drove me in

i worked. a long time. im supposed to get a break every 2 hours and a 1 hour lunch

i gott my first break on timeish.

then i got my lunch 6 hours after i got in. at which time i got “locked out” for not taking my lunch and coudlnt do anything on the registers. i was supposed to get it 4 hours in. its christmas eve and excruciating and im still in pain and tired from my previous days breakdowns, but otherwise?? i did really good. i didnt mind at all that my lunch was so late. i was a little miffed, but its ok. i dont care, so long as i get it eventually. anyway they FINALLY noticed i was locked out and got me coverage and i ended my lunch at 4. things continued ok. worked on self checkout, met a lot of regulars i really like, prevented $200 of theft (HAHA WOW that was really really funny i love preventing petty theft. i prevent so much theft every week its my pride and joy) just did okay. then they had us close self checkout that took a little while. then at 5:00-5:10 or so i went to my Manager/Supervisor/”““People LEad” as walmart is now trying to call them, lets call her manager Y, and i told her i still need my break and will i get it before i leave. she said go to register 4. i asked again hey will i get my break though and she said yeah and i thought to mysel HAHA thats not going to happen but ok

really stupid that after bieng locked out the first time she couldnt give me my break before i openned a register with a line i cant get rid of

anywayy i did ok otherwise for a while

but at 5:25 or so i reminded a CSM “hey i need my break still can i get that?” and she just ssaid yeah well try to get someone and then more time passed so much time. i put through an ask on the register “assistance needed”. waited another 10 minutes. “assistance needed” again. starting to get anxious. its past 5:40. the line is so long. theres so MUCH NOISE. Its SO LOUD. the intercom keeps going off, no one is responding to me, i dont have a mat to stand on so my knees HURT,, im not doing okk

i switch my light to flashing/need assistance and start looking for someone to ask for help. its 5:45, i need my break NOW, i DESERVE IT for workng this long ass shift and they already missed several of my last breaks a week ago AND got me locked out today and im STARTING TO GET ANXIOUS PELASE I JUST WANT MY BREAK SO BAD

nnthgen a csm is passing by im about to lose it, so i tell her CSM J, please i really need my break now PLEASE and im starting to ccry and i try to tell her whats going on but she shushes me and goes and gets sometone

im full on tears at this point, im so strreesed out,,

manager Y and some other snooty manager come over andd. ffkcing. ask me whats wrong. im crying and i try to explain im really really stressed out, i havent had my last break, ive been trying to get someone for so long now, i just really need to leave im so sorry

and theyy just. fckkng

ffcking manager Y jjst ssays ok “ill give you your break” and “this is your last break” and i ssaid?? yeah i knoww?? andd she saidd “next time youre like this, just dont come in”

i quote that completeltyyy....i really lost it then...i cried som muchh

this isnt the first itme she said something like this to meee...

she asked me “why are you CRYING” When i had an anxiety attacki n the store once, when ic cloked in and couldnt get myself together,, she didnt give me time to calm down, she didnt listen as to why, she just said “why are you crying. this is a BUSINESS. you cant be CRYING Here.” and i just said ok ill go home bye and leftt

andd when i tried to get my availability changed from 7-9 to 7-6/7-7 because the random late shifts with 7 am shifts was messing me up really really bad and my doctor thinks i need to hcange it too, she just said “i cant do that. thisi sa BUSINESS.” and she wouldnt listen when i said i might have to quit because of this, this is for my health, im literally scheduled 7-2 every sunday in december, busiest day of the busiest month and you cant even chop TWO HOURS off my weekend availability????

andd i jjst

ive HAD IT with her

ive had ittt

im so ashamed and angry and anxious and i still havent stopped cryingg. she called me over to her again as i was leaving and she blamed me for it. she ssaid a customer was upset that i “Screamed” (ues i raised my voice a little but i wasnt screaming??? also the two customers i was attending to when this was going on and i cried were VERY KIND nad jjst said i was doing a good job and thanked me for being there) and called a manager over (but...csm J got them?? not a customer...??) and i cant be acitng like this, i cant do customer service when im stressed,, and d i should just STAY HOME If im going to be like that

then shee fufkcing toold me i DID IT WRONG, that i “shouldve called someone over” I TOLD HER I DID!!!!! I DID!!!!!!!!!! YOU NAIL INTO MY HEAD IM NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE REGISTER SO I DIDNT, I DID EVERYTHING ELSE I COULD THOUGH!!! I REQUESTED HELP TWICE!! I TURNED MY LIGHT TO FLASHING!!! I TRIED TO CATCH A MANAGER WALKING BY TO HELP ME!!! N OONE LISTENED UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, I DID EVERYHTING I COULD!! yet she seriously told me to my face that “you didnt call anyone”, “you couldve turned your light to flashing” WHICH I DID and sshee jjst said that i made customers uncomfortable and i cant work like thatt and just stay hhome

ii stayed home sunday because i was having a mjor mental emergencyy.

i came in today because i was feeling better and i took it eaasy and ended up doing a wonderful job and mad eso many people smilea nd fixed so many problems that wouldve otherwise upset a lot of folks and i met my regulars and made old folks smile andd i prevented a lot of theft that no one else wouldve caughtt and i jjstt broke down after 9 hours and not getting a last break and all the chaos of register (WHICH BY THE WAY THEY KNOW I DONT LIKE REGISTER!!! I THRIVE ON SLE FCHECOUT!!! THATS MY JOB TITLE!! THATS WHAT I DO!!!! THEY KNOW THISS!!!!) and HER AVOIDING GIVING ME MY FUCKING BREAK and NOT RESPECTING MY FFUCKING METNAL DISABILITIES LJNASDKAJHDBASJSDNAJSNDKANSD

I JJST DONT KNOW WHAT TO DOO

i really want to die and i really want to never go back but i really loved my job i loved helpting people ii jjst hate her so muchhh and i feel GENUINE DREAD/SEVERE ANXIETY jjst SEEING her nnow

she doesnt CARE about anyone but herself shes a horrible peson i cant tell the store manager though cause she wont care either and manager Y has more clout than me so shell just twist my words and make me out as the bad guy as hte “CRAZY ONE” who cries and gets stressed (FOR COMPLETELY VALID REASONS AFTER BEING PUSHED OVER THE EDGE) even tthough i work SO FFRIKCING HARD and do SUCH A GOOD JOB and asdjanjsdhajshdas

i d ont know what to doo

i cant work another job because no where else pays as much or will let me do self checkout only, because being a cashier stresses me so muchh

ii...really wanntted to grow stuff and make preserves and sell bee products and work with folks raising heritage sheep and make more fiber art andd open a little stall at a local market and sell all that,, and offer more online and do customs andd stuff

i know i could mkae money that wa ybut i ccantt start it so sudenly and im too Broken to do it seriouslyy and i dont even want to HAVE to quit because of ONE PERSON But shes done this so many times now and this is the nfinfal streaww

i jjst dont know what to doo...

i cantt stop cryingg

i cant even enjoy christmas nnow. wanted to see my stepdad and give him his presernt and maybe be ok.

last christmas we had to move because our house was condemned after a fire. now im going to have to lose my job because of a horrible manager who doenst respect my metnal health or anything about me reallyy. and unfortunately im such a failure that i cant. do anything else and if i lose this job ill lse my animla sand i wotnt be able to do anyhtingg andd im jjust fucking trash

goddammit i dont know what to do. i really dont. hhahaaa. i just really want to end it. ive come so far and none of it fucking matters because of thiss fucking horrible manager.

[whitegirlconfessions]

My first time (Blacked)

(Disclaimer: Names have been changed to protect the naughty)

They always say you will remember your firsts. Your first kiss, your first date, your first boyfriend, your first time. What they never tell you is you’ll always remember the first time you were blacked. Nobody prepared me for this. Nobody warned me of the long lasting effects from it. In fact, I was always told that it was something that should never be done. Before I get into my first time. Let me give you some background about myself.

I was born in a small Southern town. Like in most southern states, there were plenty of black people around. Some nice people, some..not so much. When you’re young you don’t see thing in certain ways. As you get older though things become clearer.  I was a good girl growing up. My parents southern princess. A cute dirty blonde haired girl that loved dresses, boots, horses, camping and being outdoors. All my friends were white in school. Its not that I was racist, I didn’t know what racism really was. It just seemed that I had more in common with white kids. I was a Southern Baptist, showed up early for Sunday school. Everyone in our church was white, most of the people my age were fellow classmates at my school. We just all blended well. There were quite a few black kids in my school. I wasn’t mean or rude to them. Id talk, laugh, cut up and be friendly but we just weren’t friends. Why? I don’t know. Nothing was wrong with any of them. They were really nice kids. Not trouble makers or thugs. Fast forwarding as I grew up my looks and body developed more and I started getting more attention from guys both white and black guys. I never dated a black guy before. My parents would lose their lid. My parents are good people. They will do anything for you, regardless of color. Ive seen them help white people, hispanic people and yes even black people in times of needs. However there was just something that made them say no when it came to their white daughter. The “N word” was dropped a few times in my house by my parents. It never seemed to be directed towards any certain individual but maybe seeing something on TV would spark the reaction. I have to admit, I have said the word myself. So with all the attraction of course I dated a few boys throughout Jr High and into high school. All of this is really irrelevant because I know what you’re all reading for. So lets just jump ahead....

The night it happened I had been dating my boyfriend at the time (Tommy) for about 7 months. He was truly a nice guy but also still a hormone filled teenage boy. He was 17 and I was 16. I had had sex with 2 other boys previously. Tommy knew, maybe thats why he liked me...maybe not..I dont really know. He never made any hints or advancements about sex until about 6 months into dating. I liked Tommy. He was a really cute boy and came from a really great family but I had felt so heart broken after being with the past two boys that I was just scared to be with anyone again. Tommy started to get more persistent about getting together and I just had to keep telling him no. 

One Friday night after a football game we were invited over to a classmates house. Their parents were out of town for the weekend so they were going to throw a little party. Tommy & I showed up a little later then everyone else. After the game we stopped and had a late dinner and then made phone calls giving our parents excuses as to why we wouldn’t be home. I had changed from my jeans into a skirt & heels that I had hidden in Tommy’s car (I liked to dress mature for dates but my parents usually made me change before going out so we had to hide clothes for me to wear haha). While at the party Tommy brought up now would be a good time for us to hook up for the first time. We had a way to be alone and could slip away easily into one of the bedrooms. I still stood firm on my stance. I “loved” Tommy but I just didnt want to do that again. We got into a little argument and just decided to walk away from each other for a little bit. He went to hang out with some of his friends and I went with some of mine. After a little while Tommy approached me again and asked me to go upstairs with him. I asked him why and he said “because I want you...everyone else you’ve dated has had you...I want you too”....I was stunned when he said this. At the time he said this I didnt know if he meant it the way I was taking it. Did my boyfriend just call me a whore? Taken aback I tried to explain to him that I wanted to be with him and I didnt care about the other guys any more but I just wasnt ready yet. The time will come and when it does he will be the first one to know and that it will all be worth the wait. Then he said something that broke my heart. “You’ll spread your legs for everyone else but seem to have no problems keeping them closed for a guy who’s good to you.” As the tears started to roll down my cheeks, he just walked away from me and eventually left the party. I was totally crushed as I tried to casually find my way to somewhere private where I could crawl up in a ball and just die. 

I ended up in one of the bedrooms closets. It was a small walk in but private enough where I would be alone. I guess my sobbing was louder then I expected as I was heard from the hallway by another boy from school. Marcus was 18, a senior. Tall athletic type. He wasnt a typical jock. He was a really nice guy to everyone and was a really good student. He was the type of guy who you wanted to take home to your parents....if your parents were ok with you bringing home a black guy. Marcus found me sitting in the floor and sat down with me. He asked me what was wrong and after telling him I didnt want to talk about it he eventually broke me and I reluctantly started telling him the story. I knew who Marcus was but I probably havent said 5 words to him in school. Seniors just never seemed to talk much to underclassmen. After telling him everything, Marcus slid over closer to me and put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer against him. He told me there’s nothing he could say or do to make me feel better but it never hurts to just have someone there while you cried. I leaned against his shoulder/chest for what seemed like forever crying and crying until i couldnt breath. Once my tears dried up a bit Marcus started joking with me and making me laugh. It was a nice feeling going from my world crashing to being able to laugh. As I leaned up to wipe the rest of the tears away I made the comment about looking like a raccoon from my make up. Marcus reached over wiping around my eyes cleaning them up the best he could with his thumb and looked me in the eyes and told me that I was beautiful. My heart fluttered. I just went from a boy I loved telling me I was a whore to a guy I barely knew telling me I was beautiful. The compliments he gave me were so flattering. I couldnt believe this handsome black athlete was spending his party time in a closet with a crying wreck of a white girl. I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek and told him thank you for everything tonight. I left the closet to go find Tommy and eventually discovered he had left. This night was just getting better. My bf calls me a whore and then leaves me at a party with no ride. I was ready to go home but nobody else was leaving and I didnt want to make anyone else take me. After walking around for a bit I decided I just wanted to be alone and I would just go back to that closet and crash until morning. I went back upstairs and opened the closet door. When I did Marcus was still sitting in the floor. I looked at him confused and he smiled and looked up at me. I asked him laughing why he was still sitting in the closet alone. He smiled and told me that it still smelled like me and he liked the way I smelled. I cant describe what it was I felt but I just knelt down beside him, leaned in with my hand on his face and kissed him on the lips. I couldnt believe it as it was happening but I was kissing my first black guy. I had never had any desires to do this before but this guy was treating me how I wanted my boyfriend to treat me. I felt Marcus hands move to my waist as he pulled me away. He looked up and asked me why I did that. I told him because I wanted to and I leaned back in and kissed him again. He again broke my kiss. He smiled at me and gave me more compliments but told me that if I wasnt ready to sleep with my boyfriend then why was I coming on to him. His hands never left my hips as I could feel his fingers reluctantly squeezing my body. I smiled at him and told him that sex with Tommy is suppose to be meaningful. I wanted it to be special and important. He gave me a laugh and asked, “so whats sex with me suppose to be?”...After a brief pause and gave him a smile and said “fun?”.... Looking back I it doesnt make sense why you would have meaningless sex with a guy you dont really know but wont with your boyfriend but when your emotions are a wreck. You make decisions you could regret later on. This wasnt one of them.

Marcus pulled me on top of him as I positioned myself and straddled his lap. His hands explored my body as I kissed him almost lovingly. Each time his fingers found a new spot he would squeeze my body and I would moan into his mouth. My skirt was hiked up and bunched around my hips so I could straddle him. My thong still tucked tightly up my ass. His hands moved up to take my shirt. Breaking our kiss just long enough for my top to go over my head before our lips were together again. I was almost a C cup at 16 so I had a nice chest on me. As our kiss grew longer I felt his hands run slowly up my back and with ease my bra was unclasped. I had to laugh to myself in my head. All the boys that have struggled taking my bra off and this guy just did it with ease. Like he knew his way around the female body. 

He pushed me away a bit as my perky young breasts were freed. He leaned in with his mouth and began sucking gently on my nipples. His hands were all over my body and his mouth was sucking and licking on my nipples. He made them so hard and erect. I was getting so turned on. I looked down and saw his dark lips on my white breasts and a fire was turned on inside of me. Before switching to my other nipple I took the break to reach down and help him out of his shirt...oh my God this man was an adonis. He wasnt like overly huge and muscular but he was just toned and fit. He smiled at me as I ran my fingers over his chest and arms. He was such a specimen. My fingers traced along his body as they rippled over his abs. He laughed as I smiled and asked me what was wrong? I shook my head and told him I had never been with a boy like him before. He laughed and asked “you mean fit?” and I nodded replying “yes....and black”. I reached down and started to undo his belt and he grabbed my hands to stop me. I looked at him confused as he smiled and said “you first”. I quickly got to my feet, pushing my bunched up skirt down my legs. I could see his eyes all over me and they locked right to the lace of my thong. My fingers hooked the waist as I slowly pulled them down before stepping out of them. Standing naked in front of Marcus he took me in as he brought me back down on the floor with him. Laying me on my back as he moved to my feet, looking down at me smiling. I couldnt believe what I was doing but my legs parted for him, exposing myself t him. Sure I had sex before, 2 guys maybe 5 times total...but I still had a great looking tight little pussy. Not to brag but I knew what was between my legs was something special when I heard Marcus let out a sigh of pleasure. He started to lean down between my thighs but my hand stopped him. Not yet I told him as I raised up and my hands found his belt. Pulling it loose as I looked up at him smiling. A smirk on his face as he said “You really never been with a black guy?”.....I smiled shaking my head and told him no as I unfastened his jeans, unzipping the fly and slipping my hand inside. 

As soon as my fingers felt it my head snapped up and looked at him. “OH FUCK” I said as he started to laugh. I pulled and pulled until this thick piece of meat was hanging out of the fly of his jeans. I stared in awe at the size of this thing. Dont get me wrong, he wasnt a porn start but semi hard he was already bigger then all my boyfriends..including Tommy. What absolutely amazed me was the thickness of this thing. I wrapped my fingers around it to give it a gentle tug and my fingers wouldnt even touch. He worked his jeans off as he stayed on his knees. I completely forgot about him wanting to go down on me as I adjusted myself onto my hands and knees and leaned down and wrapped my lips around him. I felt his cock start to grow as my tongue made contact with it. His hand found its way to the back of my head. Pulling my dirty blonde hair back from my face as he let out a moan. My lips started moved up and down his long thick black cock. Each time I went down he would let out a moan. I had never given a blowjob with my eyes open before, I know that might sound strange however I couldnt not look and watch. I loved seeing my pink lips slide down his black shaft. Every time I watched it disappear into my mouth I could feel him throb as well as feel my panties soaking wet and clinging to me. My head bobbed slow...and then fast. Working as much of his cock as I could. Id twist my mouth around and get a glimpse of his big, low hanging balls. Ive always heard the racist terms describing black men. Greasy, smelly whatever....but none of them ever described this. This was heaven...this was DELICIOUS! I bobbed my head faster, making sure my tongue found that thick vein on his underside. I worked his cock lovingly. I could feel him throbbing inside my mouth. Each slurp made his swinging balls tighter and tighter. When his balls stopped swinging and hanging and that sack was nice and tight...I knew he was ready. My mouth slide up around the head as i sucked just the head nice and slow. I felt his fingers tightly grip on my head and heard him say I was about to make him cum. Without warning I felt that hot black shoot from his cock and onto the top of my mouth. Then another and another. His cock throbbed each time he shot a load into my mouth. My mouth quickly filled and I started swallowing his thick load. He was just like I imagined. His cum was delicious. He tasted amazing. Was his because he was black? Was it his diet? Who cares!?!  I wanted to feed from his love pipe for the rest of my life!

I finished him off, or so I thought in my mouth and raised up onto my knees with him. Smiling as I wiped his mouth getting his approval. I told him that was the most delicious blowjob Ive ever given. I told him I hated swallowing because it just taste so salty but he tasted so good. Thats when I realized I had ruined this whole thing. I made him cum and cum hard and a lot. I apologized telling him I was sorry. He was confused asking me what i was apologizing for. I said “I know you wanted to have sex with me but I made you cum”....he laughed and said “so?” I never had anyone cum before and could still keep going but before I could explain that I thought we were finished I looked down and his saliva shined black cock was still rock hard, sticking out towards me with a long string of cum dangling from the head. Seeing him ready for me again I felt like the odds were against me. You dont have a condom do you? I never bought condoms before. I always left it up for the guy but I dont think he was planning on having sex tonight. He shook his head and told me no, asking if he really needed one. I looked down at his cock. I had never been taken bareback before. Mainly because I wasnt on birth control but I wanted this. I shook my head no and began to turn around on my hands and knees. Positioning myself for him as I looked back over my shoulder and told him to not cum inside of me. He positioned himself behind me, smiling as he slapping his cock against my wet pussy lips. I waited for him to agree but he never did. Instead he slid his cock nice and slow into me. Parting my tight pussy lips his thick black cock suck into me like perfection. Its like his cock was perfectly sculpted to fit inside of my white pussy.

I felt his hand slide around my hips. His fingers hooked my hip bones as he began to pull me back to him while thrusting forward. My head sank into my hands as I leaned on my elbows. It was long before my moans were loudly filling the closet. Marcus wasnt like any other boy I had been with before. Not just physically either. Marcus knew what he was doing and my body responded. With each thrust, each squeeze. Everything he did my body reacted to. If there was a pace that needed to be set, he set it. If there was a spot that needed to be hit, he hit it. Before I knew it a screaming groan filled the closet as I exploded all over him. My God this guy made me cum in the matter of minutes. Im so use to the poor stroke game of white boys that I have to play with my clit and hope I get off before they do. Here I am cumming like never before on this black guys cock and he just tightens his grip and fucks me through it. One of his hands found its way to my long dirty blonde hair. Wrapping it around his fist as he pulled my head back and fucked me harder. “How do you like it?” he asked me. I told him I loved it...He smacked my ass hard and said “no, how do you like to be fucked?”.....I never had anyone ask me that before. Sex was always so vanilla and boring. Suck his dick till its hard, lay back, spread legs and lay there till he cums. His hand again came across my ass. He wanted an answer. The only thing I could think of was Tommy calling me a whore. I blurted back out to him, “fuck me like a whore” ....his hand again smacked my ass “fuck you like Tommys whore?” he asked...my pussy was throbbing I was going to cum again on his cock. “Im your whore...fuck me like Im your whore”

He pushed my head down into a pile of clothes in the floor. Forcing my back into the “perfect arch”...He held my head down and pounded my tight little pussy from behind until my legs started shaking and I exploded again cumming all over his cock. Squealing with pleasure, never having a 2nd orgasm before in my life. His cock just keep pumping my pussy. With each thrust I could feel my juices running down my thighs. i adjusted my head the best I could to look back under me and between my legs. My thighs were slick and shiny. Every time his cock thrust in you could see a stream of pussy juice run down my legs. My pussy had room for only one thing...Marcus. I watched in awe and ecstasy as his cock thrust in and out of my pussy. His balls slapping up onto my clit. He was easily twice the size of the two boys I had been with and I was able to take every inch of him. 

It wasnt long before I was cumming for a third time. I had never cum 3 times in a night...I dont think I had cum 3 times in 3 days before. He was fucking me like a whore and I was loving it. Ive never cum so hard. Im pretty sure I had to bring eyes back as they were starting to roll in the back of my head. When I looked down again I could see his balls tightening again. I could still taste him in my mouth. He heard me tell him to pull out right? He’s going to get close and pull out and cum in my mouth again and I can swallow it once more. I felt his fingers digging deeper into me. His strokes long, deep and powerful but slowing down. I look at his balls again and they’re not moving. His sack is hugging them tight and I look back over my shoulder and see him looking at me, he’s there....and he’s not leaving. I cant stop him...I wont stop him...I dont want him to stop. I look him in the eyes...he’s ready and I tell him “cum inside me!” The room is filled with his groan, quickly followed by my moans as I feel his big black cock exploding inside of me. I can feel spurt after spurt inside me. He buries himself as deep as he can, using me to drain his balls. There wont be a 3rd round. He’s emptying his sack inside me. Im taking every drop. He pulls back and gives a few more thrusts releasing the last few drops. Finishing himself off inside of me. 

I crash to the floor on my stomach. He falls on top of me. His cock buried in my pussy as we both pant heavily gasping for breaths. Im in heaven. For meaningless sex nothing has ever felt better physically or emotionally then this. I feel his cock slowly retracting from me until he slides out. I feel him gush out of me. I filled...Im filled full! Marcus pulls my hair to the side, kissing me behind the ear and says “you’ll take care of that right?” Take care of it I think to myself, Im 16...you just shot the biggest load in the history of mankind into my pussy. Im not on birth control. Im going to get pregnant...with a BLACK baby. My parents will disown me. My church isnt going to let me back in the doors...Im ruined!....but my body nor mouth can connect the thoughts in my head. I simply nod and moan out “yes” to him. He uses my thigh to clean his cock, stands up dressing himself leaning down kissing me on the back of the head one final time and leaves me laying in the middle of the closet floor. I wasnt committed to black men just yet. This was my first. Are they all like this? If so then Tommy was right. I am a whore. Im a whore for black men.

I fell asleep in the floor. I woke up a mess. Pulling my thighs apart looked like a grilled cheese made with swiss chees...how’s that for an image? I found a towel in the nearby bathroom and wiped myself as clean as possible. I still had 2 problem. I needed a ride home....and I needed to take care of what Marcus just did. I texted Tommy and apologized for our fight. I told him i was wrong and he was right. Maybe I was a whore but if I was going to sleep with my other boyfriends then I should sleep with him too. I knew this is what he wanted to hear. I told him I was still at the party and didnt have a way home. If he would come get me, he could have me. I asked how much money he had on him and he asked if I wanted him to stop and get condoms first. I told him no, I wanted him to enjoy me like he should have. I was going to take him bare and let him cum inside of me....only if he promised to get the morning after pill for me. Without hesitation, Tommy agreed. Tommy picked me up about 45mins later. We went back to his parents house (who were gone). I told him how horny I was as he wasted no time getting me into his bedroom. His dick was so hard I didnt need to give him a blowjob to get him ready. Once my clothes were off he was 5 inches into me pounding away. This wasnt exciting me at all. This was awful. If it wasnt for Marcus still inside of me, my pussy would be as dry as sand right not for Tommy...But he loved it. Less then 10mins Tommy was done. Laying on his back gasping mumbling about how great it was. It was hard to pretend to have enjoyed it but I put on a good act until I got him dressed again and out the door. Tommy took me to the pharmacy and paid for my morning after pill. He watched me take it saying “I dont want to get you pregnant”...I couldnt help but to reply “I dont want you to get me pregnant either”....he didnt get it obviously. 

I learned so much in that 24 hours. I discovered Tommy was a complete tool, black men are amazing in bed...or closet floors. I also learned that you can easily sucker a white boy into doing anything for you with the promise of pussy.

I broke up with Tommy 3 days later. Im 18 now and Ive yet to have sex with a white boy since that day. Believe me, you all will soon learn all about my adventures!

[expert-de-couteau]

drabble thing

    "I'm done." Kali had lived long enough under the control of her 'boyfriend' Elijah. His constant physical and psychological harassment had done a number on her self esteem, and it was only with her 'big brother's' help that she was ready to stand up to the man.     Despite how confident she looked at that point, Kali was terrified. She knew the older male had one hell of a temper when things didn't go his way. That was why she had put this off for so long.     It was his level of calmness at her statement that should have given the first red flag.     "Yeah, I kind of expected that. You don't listen to me nearly as much as you used to, sweetheart. In fact, I'd go as far to say that you go out of your way to disobey me like a real bitch." The words felt like needles pricking into her skin. His insults always did- but really? That was how he kept his grasp on people. He made them feel so completely special to the point where one practically grew addicted to his praise, and then tore down their heightened ego until they became an obedient shell of their former self.     That was not going to happen to her. Kali wouldn't allow it.

    He left the room immedietly afterwards. They both had to attend their next lessons for the day. Maybe that was why he had stayed calm? Was it just that he had to focus on preparing for his next lesson? While it was unlikely, Kali couldn't think of any other reason that would have fueled that reaction.     The next few days went by surprisingly well. The young assassin didn't meet up with Elijah even once. She could focus on herself first before worrying about what he'd do or say.     That happiness was bound to end at some point, right?

    It was about two weeks after the breakup when Kali met with disaster. She'd just gotten back to her room after a long day of training and classes and all sorts of stressful work, and she was looking forward to just getting a good night's rest. The redhead discarded her coat and headed for the mini fridge she kept in the room. Kali really should have figured that something was off when the drinks werent placed as she had left them. Alas, she just figured she'd moved them around in a hurry earlier that day or something.     She grabbed for a bottle of water from the front of the fridge and downed the contents quickly, having not had much to drink all day. The girl let out a breath and tossed the bottle in the trash can before flopping on her bed. She hadn't been that tired, but the moment she hit the soft comforter, she felt about ten times more relaxed than she had prior.

     I better get up and grab a snack and do some homework shit before I fall asleep here, she thought to herself. She didn't try to move for about 5 minutes. With a sigh of reluctance, Kali decided to get up and....

wait a second... she couldn't make herself get up. It was like she was bound by some invisible force that refused to let her free. Kali first assumed that she had just fallen into a light sleep that left her aware of her surroundings, although... no, that just didnt seem right. This... whatever. I'm in my own room so who the hell cares what's going on if... if...

    The door creaked open, the tall blond male she recently broke up with standing in the doorway with a few things in his hands. Tape, rope, a few knives... it would appear that he was planning to kill her.     "My my... and here I thought you'd hide when you felt the drug kick in. You do remember it, right?" He cooed, his tone far more gentle than his intentions.

   That was right! Kali remembered now, just a few weeks ago-- right before the breakup-- she'd been a test subject for a drug he was working on. Clear, void of flavor. Administered though consumption of a food or drink spiked with it. Effective, only taking a few minutes to fully immobilize the victim.    Kali mentally kicked herself. As soon as she'd felt her muscles begin to relax so quickly, she should've known. Now... now she was vulnerable. Funny- hadn't she always been vulnerable when it came to him? He'd always known what to do or say to get her to obey him. That was why she cut ties.

    He didn't like that. Not at all.     Elijah closed the door behind him and locked it before placing the items he brought with him on the bed beside her. "But no... instead, you fled here- your bed- of all places. Are you hinting at something, my dear? Is there... something you want?" A low chuckle escaped the man as he grabbed for a knife he'd brought.

    No... Kali couldn't protest. Even when she felt the cold steel of the blade make gentle contact with her arm. Then when it sliced through the strap of her bra and tank top.

    Elijah seemed all too thrilled with how little she reacted. He was aware of how she was probably feeling right now, and the fact that she'd been silenced- put in her place, so to speak- made him sickly amused. "Not gonna speak to me, hm? Giving me the cold shoulder? Oh... forgive me, you can't speak right now. Can't make a sound to... to protest if my hand just slips-" He created a small incision on her upper back before discarding the knife. "I should help you get ready for bed-- now, you cant wear those clothes to bed. I guess I have to undress you.~" A laugh--deep, calm, and lustful--sounded from the man as he slipped off her top and trailed his fingers lightly down her back until he reached the hem of her jeans. Then, he tugged her jeans and panties down, leaving Kali without anything but her socks on. Elijah gave a contented sigh.

"Now what am I going to do with you first?" Elijah cooed, moving to lean on top of her and caress her breasts. He planted a few gentle kisses on the girl's neck before leaving a bite, sucking on the spot he'd bitten to leave hickey (which he made sure was in an obvious spot that would be a pain to cover up). "I think I'll take your virginity in the only place I havent yet--but first..." One of his hands moved downward to slip a finger into Kali. Then two. "I also spiked your drink with an aphrodisiac. Now you'll get to enjoy all of this as much as I do." He left a few more marks on her neck and upper back as he fingered her before getting up completely. "But I still have to punish you... so..." He grabbed something from the pile of stuff  he'd brought: a riding crop. Without much warning whatsoever, he hit her with it. Then he hit her again. And again. This continued for five whole minutes, leaving Kali with some spots even bleeding by the time it was over. Tears ran down her face and a few squeaks meant to be screams left her. "Now we can get to the good part. I'm going to turn you over, okay darling?" How his tone could sound so loving still, she didn't understand. Elijah was gentle this time as he moved her onto her back. Kali wanted to cry as her sheets were stained with her own blood from the injuries the riding crop made. She was crying, in fact. The blonde took off his shirt and tossed it aside, soon doing the same with his pants and boxers. He towered over her, jacking himself off for a moment as he observed her naked body. "I don't want to risk having to deal with child support or anything, so I'm not doing this unprotected. I thought about it, but luckily for you, I can be reasonable when the mood strikes me." He removed a condom from his discarded jeans and carefully put it on before climbing onto the bed with her. "Ah... you're so beautiful like this... it's a shame--what I'm going to do to you after all of this..." He was gentle at first as he thrust into her, but that didnt last too long. Elijah was known for being fast and rough with this sort of thing, and he could remain like this for quite a while without getting close to climax. He made sure to leave scratch marks on her chest, breasts, and stomach as he fucked her. Every single mark was a reminder that she was his no matter what she said. After fifteen minutes, he pulled out and removed the condom, breathing heavily. "Here's the really fun part. You've never done anal, Kali... and you know how painful people say it is... I almost wish you could scream right now. Ahh... that would make this even better." He grabbed her by her torso and tugged her to the edge of the bed, flipping her back onto her stomach. "S... st..." She was trying to say stop, but her ability to speak hadnt really returned yet. Just barely. Her fingers twitched as she thought about grabbing for a knife and stabbing him to death. It would be justified, after all. Justified... but impossible right now anyway. Elijah used the natural lube from Kali in order to lube up his dick before slowly penetrating the girl's asshole. While it felt remarkable to Elijah, Kali was pained so much by it that she was able to force herself to let out a small yelp--once again meant to be a scream, but it was still a sign of how much this hurt her. While he'd been gentle with starting out in the other hole, he didn't give this the same treatment. He was most certainly rough with her now. His breathing grew heavier and heavier, Kali's sounds of anguish becoming louder and louder as the drug started to wear off. When Elijah finally came inside of her ass, she full-out screamed... only to have him shove her face down into the sheets to muffle it. She was definitely struggling now, but he was stronger than her and had little trouble with holding her down. "Shhh... I need you to be good for me. We're going to sneak into the boy's dorms together... what a little slut you are, with how you're going to leave yourself exposed for all the guys there. How should I leave you tied? Hm...." This only made her struggle harder, even managing to make a break for the door before he grabbed her by the arm and tugged her back, placing a rag over her mouth. Without realizing it, she let out a gasp of surprise... ...and drifted back into a world of vulnerability. Only, this time, she had no clue what was happening to her. She was unconscious. When she would eventually wake, Kali would find herself bound, gagged, and surrounded by ‘friends’ of Elijah’s in abandoned room within the boy’s dorms. 

@thetrollzaya here so you can read it))

[the-fiction-witch]

This World Of Ours P3 of ?

REAL LIFE: POST APOCOLYPSE

COUPLE: TBS X READER RATING: CUTE 

Y/N POV:

"what have you done" I ask

"well your mother said we only had about a month left of two beds anyway I thought I would get rid of one then we would have more time to get used to sleeping in the same bed" he answered "is that my bed or yours" I ask crossing my arms "neither it's our bed now" he said leaning back on the headboard and crossing his arms as well "fine" I say sighing as I walk over to the bed and sit on the corner drying my hair with the towel as Thomas moved down the bed to sit beside me "so are we gonna talk about it" he asks "about what exactly Thomas" I say in response "you know what were gonna when it's official were together forever" he says still smiling "I don't know I haven't really thought about it yet" I reply "really, you can pull that trick with your parents y/n but won't fool me you have thought about it I know you have so tell me" "I haven't honestly if anything I've been avoiding the subject" I say "what do you honestly hate me that much you're avoiding the subject entirely" he said sounding almost hurt "I don't hate you I just haven't thought about it yet" I reply "well actually on that subject how do you feel about me" he asks I had to sit and think for a second about how exactly to answer that question I didn’t know what to say to him it was obvious from the look on his face he wanted an answer but I wasn't sure how to give him one I didn't want to tell him I didn't have feelings for him because I would be lying in some respects I couldn't say I didn't like him were together permanently now but on the flip side I didn't want to sound to forward "well I don't know what to tell you Thomas I really don't" I finally say "what's there to know what feelings do you have for me good or bad" he replied "well I'm not sure there's lots all complicating things in my head I'm not sure just yet it may take a while but it may help if I knew how you felt about me" I said trying to sound clever but failing completely as I removed the towel from my neck and just threw it with the rest of the clothes on a pile by the wall they both sat thinking for a while till eventually Thomas broke the silence "y/n?" "yeah" I answered turning my head to him I watched his eye's intently they seemed to be flickering around like he was looking at me like trying to work something out in his head till suddenly his hands were on my face and his lips on mine sort of he missed the angle by quite a lot and he was more biting then kissing and the amount of power in it, it was like he was trying to push me over one second then the next trying to pull me more into him I can judge though I had never done it before I think I was kissing back I think it was hard to tell given the conditions that he was kissing me with after a few seconds I had to pull away from him when we had both separated completely and breathed it was awquard if anything that may have made the situation a little worse I kind of had to think for a second I'm positive he had kissed someone before our real first kiss now was nothing like that I don't think as I return to reality again "well...uh," I said not sure what so say "yeah well....anything" he asks "well....it was...full of energy I will give you that Thomas" I laughed trying to lighten the situation and he laughed to I guess it worked "yeah sorry" he said in reply "it's okay but I think you bit me" I say as I put my hand to my bottom lip I was right he had bitten me "sorry y/n" he said looking more at the floor then at me "it's okay you didn't know what you were doing it's not your fault" I reply as I nudge his shoulder trying to cheer him up a bit it worked a little "so is there anything there or is it just nothingness" he asks "there's something Thomas I'm not sure what but there's something" I reply taking his hand he turned back to look at me he was now smiling again "can I try again?" he asks I just nodded in response "but try slower with less power to start okay" I say more like a joke he just nodded before connecting our lips again this time much slower much more relaxed and just in one word perfect so much I really don't what him to stop but if the last kiss was anything to go by there's a lot of represent emotion and energy in there and I would rather not let that out just yet so with much annoyance at myself I pull away but remaining in his arms "so?" he asks "so, I think we will be fine after next month"I reply I couldn't stop a smile neither could he "what about all the other stuff like your mum said after it's official" he asks "if it happens it happens if not we will wait a little longer lets not rush this, this match if forever wherever we like it or not we got time" I reply giggling slightly he then nodded in agreement we both then moved back on the bed so we could lean against the headboard till a few minutes later Thomas moved his hand from mine to wrap it around me he rested his hand on my waist so going on what I've seen other people do I put my head on his chest and put my hand on his shoulder we both then moved so we were laying down looking up at the plain white ceiling this like the kiss seemed perfect and long overdue "you know I'm so happy out of every girl in this dump that computer let me have you y/n" he says "I know I'm happy I got you to" I reply after a while I'm almost positive Thomas is asleep I glance at the clock on the side table and I think I may have fallen asleep to as it is not almost six o'clock at night I sort of don't want to get up because he's asleep and not snoring I kind of don't want to wake him up again but I'm hungry and he properly is to as all I've had to eat today is two bits of white toast and I don't think he's had anything I sit up slightly to look around, the room looks a bit dark I then turn back to  Thomas he still looks deep asleep so I slowly remove his arm from around me and walk out towards the kitchen area I walk up to the white cabinates looking for some dinner but with no success as we havent ordered anything from the box in a while so straight from box food it is then, I walk over to the small gap in the wall I place my hand in the gap within a few seconds there's food I dont know how it all works it just does it's not much just a place of white chips but right now thats good enoguh but before I have chance to move over to the table I can feel arms wrapping around my waist from behind and I can hear and feel breath on the back of my neck"some ones touchy today arnt we" I say to him "why didnt you wake me up for food" he says ignoreing me "you seemed happy, plus you werent snoreing I thoguht if I left you I would be able to go come back and have a quiet night sleep" I answer "you where wrong" he replyed I just laughed in responce elbowing his chest so he had to back away from me as soon as he was fully of me I walk and sit at the table after he gets his food he sits beside me "so what plans do we have for the uncomeing week" he asks "I'm not sure I go to work on wensday" I reply "I'm going on wensday to" he says "what are you ment to be doing" I ask "I'm ment to be showed how the spectrem works" he answers this is again something that needs a bit of explaination unfornatly I can't give it becuase I dont understand it all I know is Thomas is a scientist thats the job he choose out of his options when we left school just before the match all I know for sure is what he tells me which is not alot all I know is that the sectrum is the meaning of our existance and he gets to work with it everyday my job is a lot different I'm a nurse I got the option to become a scientist but at the time I wasnt sure if working with Thomas  everyday was a very good idea this was ofcourse back before I knew I was stuck with him anyway but I guess it will be good then we get a break from each other when we got to work I dont really understand how other peoples jobs work but its not my business "really I'm just gonna be shown around the hospital I think so I know where stuff is" I reply "well then what are we gonna do between now and wensday" he asks "I dont know I'm sure we'll find something to do" I reply as I eat we both sit and eat our white food in scilence after about a minuet I put the tv on from a small white remote on the table the wall were both faceing then flickers and the tv programing comes on channel one news channel its on weather all thats on the screen is a white map of our city and a man in a white suit stood beside it talking "and like normal weather is going to be white and pale with slight rain in the food manufactering area's there may be some slight problems with light times tommorrow as the sunseveare is still a bit glichy" he says the same as everyday by now I'm possitve its a recording they just play eveyday that guy has said that twice a day everyday for as long as I can rememeber and what a suprise the sunseveares on the glich I dont think they will ever fix it but sometimes it does give you another hour sleep in the morning wich knowone can really complain about another second and the mans gone now theses a young pretty blonde girl dressed in white at a white desk reading the headlines "today's top stories, 20 year old jake hamming has been arested for murdur of his match, there was eleven no shows at the world of work today and the no shows will be punished emmediatly, the ruler has said he is not stepping down after claims he is not the correct ruler by bloodline, after close monitoring we have discorvered bentian is on the verge of civial war as allways the borders are shut to all but the rule-" she was cut of by Thomas turning the tv off "you shouldnt watch that y/n" he says "why I like knowing whats going on" I reply "I know but you shouldnt watch it all the bad things going on right now we dont need to know they dont involve us" he says rather sternly "I know they dont it's still nice to know" I reply "but its all just about bad things like the ruler and bentian none of that involves us" he says "well it could you know" I reply "how?" he asks "well you should know by now Thomas my dad's part of the passive blood line so if the rulers bloodlines wrong my dad with be ruler" I argue "but it won't happen y/n think about it they wouldnt let it happen" he replies "yeah but still if bentians civial war goes wrong and starts involving everyon else you could get carted of to fight" I argue again "but they won't involve us it all just to scare you y/n" he relpys "like the camara's and the constent threat of tourcher isnt enoguht" I s,noticeingay sarcasticly we both then laugh noticing the time it's almost seven now "almost curfew" I say sighing

[cyberdelusionphilosopher-blog]

Will my insurance rates go higher?

"Will my insurance rates go higher?

My friend with a permit got a ticket and I was with him. I forgot about the no left turn sign and the cops pulled us over and asked for my license and registration. My friend was the driver and he got the ticket. Will my insurance rates go up? because my dad will ***** at me and will the insurance company call my dad?

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://freeinsurancequotes.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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I'm not currenty insured because i go to San Francisco state and dont need a car, im going to florida for thanksgiving and ive got my old car out there, but my parents wont let me drive it unless im insured..""

How much would insurance be for a 2008 Honda CBR 125cc?

I'm only a 16 year old, 5'3 115 pound girl... I've got my g1, my driving course and I'm more than willing to take the motorcycle course. I'm looking at buying a 2008 Honda CBR 125cc. I'm wondering ON AVERAGE what I'll be paying for insurance? Thanks in advance! Oh and I'm in Sudbury, Ontario. I'll only be doing about 20-30km a day, if that makes a difference""

Learners Permit and Insurance!?

Can I have insurance while having my learners permit? (I currently live in Orlando, FL)""

How can forcing people to have car insurance compare to forcing health insurance?

Actually this equates to Slavery by the government??? You do not have to buy car insurance if you do not own a car. Secondly, if your car is paid for then you only have to have liability insurance to protect others not for the repairs of your own car. Yet, forcing everyone to have health insurance would fall on every individual regardless of age, sex, race, income, ect. If you do not have enough after paying your monthly bills you will be fined and even serve prison time with a $25,000 fee. This essentially goes against Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness isn't it? Liberals want to say everyone should have, and the government should provide? Yet, this is not government providing it is government enslaving you to have?? Slippery slope they are weaving and the benefits will be far less than we have today with the government oppression on each individual.""

Take away driver insurance!?

why is it so hard to get insurance for driving take aways? is it even possible?

A car crash into my car on purpose when my car was parking!!??INSURANCE!?

I got 1 ticket since i was driving til now will my insurance rate go up??? thankx

Why would a small van be more expensive to insure than a car?

Im 24 and my partner is 27. we share a car and our insurance is 800 a year and looking at vans for our dogs. The normal small ford vans the cheapest insurance is 1,200. I thought a van would be a cheaper?""

Landslide in San Diego.....are the homes covered by homeowners insurance?

Are there any insurance that would have covered for their losses?

Insurance and Licence Plate?

So my mum brought me a licence plate for my car last year, and the latest I can put it on my car is the 17th July. If I pass my test this week and set my insurance up for it to start 2 weeks later it will cost me a lot less. Can I set my insurance up with the licence plate I have now, send the form off for my new licence plate, and then ring my insurance company up later and tell them that I've changed my licence plate? If they charge for this has anyone got any idea of how much? I know its slightly complicated, so if anyone doesn't understand just ask.""

Cheapest car insurance for 18 year old ?

H there, once again i ask for thy help!!!>.. < ... so here i just bought a 2002 VAUXHALL CORSA 1.2 SXI BLACK, 1000 pounds, 90k Miles, im on a provisional license, hoping to pass by january. I will do aorund 6k a year miles. car will be used to get to uni, work and commute for shoping. thanks""

Car insurance for 16 year old 4.0 gpa?

How much would it be total if I was titled under my dads name, and my parents are divorced and the car is under my moms name is there a way I could still be under my dads, and if not thats ok, how much would the cost be added to my dads insurance costs?""

Teen Car Insurance Question. Desperate for answers?

Hi I am 17 and I am testing out quotes for insurance... my question is that... is it legally required for me to add collision coverage? comprehensive coverage? uninsured motorist bodily injury? Uninsured Motorist Property Damage? .. WHAT IS LEGALLY REQUIRED and what do I really not need to worry about? I am a girl therefore I am a safe driver hahaha... ANY ANSWERS WILL HELP.... THANKS!!!!

First Time Driver - Car Insurance?

I live in Western Massachusetts and will be 18 in July. I haven't gotten my permit yet, but I plan on getting it sometime in the next month to start practicing. In Massachusetts, you cannot get your license if you're under 18 and haven't taken a driving class, which I don't have the money for, so I plan on having my mom teach me everything about driving and I'm hoping to get my license when I turn 18. I do already own a car (1998 Honda Accord Coupe), so that won't be an issue. Here are my questions: 1. When I have to start paying insurance, how much (range) do you think it would be? I know that everyone says that first time drivers have to pay WAAAY more, but I don't even know how much regular drivers pay. 2. Would it be cheaper to just be added onto my parents' car insurance plan? They've already brought this idea up, but they're afraid that if I get into a serious accident that the people could go after everything they own. I don't want to be that much of a stress on them, but I really don't want to end up paying a lot. Please and thank you!""

What types of policies have been losing money for insurance companies?

Are property insurance policies in Florida (Hurricane area) still costing insurance companies? Any other kinds?

""So what would you suggest for my 1st car? has 2 b 5 door,cheap 2 run yet reliable & cheap on insurance??""

So what would you suggest for my 1st car? has 2 b 5 door,cheap 2 run yet reliable & cheap on insurance??""

How much will car insurance cost for a 17 year old in the UK?

I'm 16 years old, and 17 in a few months. I have a car already, in the garage. It's a Peugot 106, and my mum bought it for 350. I live in Newcastle, and I would like to know a rough price on the insurance? Realistically, around the region of 1000-3000 ect...""

How much would the insurance cost for a 2004 Subaru impreza wrx. Not sti.?

Im 17... So it normally costs more for me anyway. My dad and mom has had geico for a while now. My dad says I can't get it cuz the insurance will cost too much on a turbo car. I can't live without a turbo car!!!!!

What would the price be like to move to central california?

Just wondering as I would like to move to central california in the future. Is it very expensive to move from the UK to central california? What are the housing/apartment prices? Doctor fees? Ect.. Please help :) thankyou

""My car insurance quote is 5,000?""

This is the cheapest quote given by the companies. I am 19 years old and working in a minimum wage job. How can they expect me to be able to afford 5,000 in insurance when I'm only driving a 250 car? How can this price come down? Will waiting until I'm older reduce the price?""

Insurance In California?

What's the insurance law thing in California? Someone told me that anyone who has a license and drives a car MUST have insurance. Do you HAVE to have insurance to drive in CA? Another thing is that my parents were telling that it's expensive to put my name under their policy especially because I'm a newly licensed driver, meaning I don't have a lot of driving experience yet. Is this true?""

Will my car insurance go up?

I live in the state of Missouri and I got my first speeding ticket. I have Travelers insurance. Does anyone know if my rate will go up or do they let the first one slide?

How do i find out if a car insurance company is a real company?

I have Geico right now.Got into a reck they raised my insurance 3 times is much i was paying. I found a company Colorado Casualty,They said they will give me insurance at a good price less than i first started with Geico 4 years ago.S o i want to check this company out ,but don't know how.""

Need Cheap Medical Health Insurance?

Hello, could anybody recommend me a site for cheap medical health insurance.I know many sites, but their offers are too expensive.""

Will these cars cost more to insure?

So im looking to buy my first car. The deal is I pay for the car, my parents cover the insurance, but they wont let me get a SUV or sporty car because then they have to pay more. I was looking at a Toyota Celica or Hyundia Tiburon (I kinda want a coupe so my friends wont be bumming rides all the time because ill be the only one with a car). Is this true? I mean, even the 4-cylinder 2.0L automatic models? Will these models still be considered a sports car even with the wimpy specs or were my parents mistaken? I was also looking at a Chevy Cobalt LS coupe, which is pretty much the same as the others, and my dad said it was cheaper to insure?""

How much monthly would it cost for me to get an apartment in the US?

I would like to know the total living costs... Plus food, gas, insurance, electricity, everything... Like the average cost... I know the apartment would be $460, I already found one, but I don't know how much it would be for everything else included.""

Will my insurance rates go higher?

My friend with a permit got a ticket and I was with him. I forgot about the no left turn sign and the cops pulled us over and asked for my license and registration. My friend was the driver and he got the ticket. Will my insurance rates go up? because my dad will ***** at me and will the insurance company call my dad?

Price on car insurance for student?

Sorry my last question wasn't clear enough. I'm wondering how much money I would spend on a car insurance for my son who is a junior (16 y.o) and is getting his permit in th next week. If this helps, a car is a ford 2006 please help?""

How much does car insurance cost?

Im 19,, looking for a first car,, whats the cheapest car to insure? How much about would it cost?""

Can you sue a car insurance policy holder?

On christmas day my boyfriend had a car accident where he hit his house. He did a total of over $5,500 worth of damages to it. When he went to his mother's house that day he was told by his parents ,that his step dad had removed him from the insurance in October after his birthday (they did so without telling him until the accident ). He had been paying them insurance money each month thinking he was on the insurance. Now the lady that owns the house has informed us that her insurance is suing the title holders (my boyfriend) for insurance fraud. After my boyfriend is sued can he then turn around and sue his step dad for him removing him from the insurance/ insurance fraud?""

Approximately how much would it cost for auto insurance for a person thats 16?

About how much would it cost to insure a 16 year old with a 2009 Nissan 370z? Parent's credit is near perfect and car is in their name and I have my grades higher than 3.0. Saying a lot of money doesn't help because I already know insuring a car like that costs a lot of money, just looking for a rough estimate.""

Adding teenager to car insurance?

I'm turning 16 in a few months and my parents said if i paid for the extra cost they would put me on their policy and i was wondering how much money it would be

How much would my car insurance cost to pay the minimum payment?

what is the cheapest car insurance company? How much would the minimal payment cost? My 21 yr old bf would be the one paying it and i would be under his insurance. im a first time driver age 19. I am a mom of two kids and highschool graduate. the title to my car would be in his name. Unless it doesnt matter to have it in both our names. we live in ms and he uses state farm.

Cheapest Car Insurance For 18 yr old?

Trying to find CHEAP car insurance. I only need liability coverage, i own it out right. Anyone know any companies with good deals for 18 yr old drivers? thanks!""

Can I purchase auto insurance without car registration?

Hello guys and gals, I need your helps here, I live in California and I currently own two cars (A and B), car A which I am planning to sell has not been driven in a year (2011-2012), also I did not buy the car insurance for car A since I don't drive it anymore, in this year (2012) after I paid for the car registration renewal fee for car A, I received a letter from California DMW, stated that they were unable to send me a registration card unless I can provide them with evidences of auto insurance for car A, and unfortunately, I lost all the previous registration cards of car A during moves, so in this case, will I be able to purchase auto insurance for car A without showing registration card to the insurance agent but only with Drive's License, VIN number, etc.? Or alternatively, can I use the insurance of car B to complete registration renewal for car A? Thank you in advance.""

My insurance on my car is $450 and its nothing special of a car not fast how can i get it lower?

My insurance on my car is $450 and its nothing special of a car not fast how can i get it lower? the insurance company told me if i sighn on with my family it makes it cheaper...all of my friends are paying 120-200 i dont get why mines so much more/?

Car Insurance?

So I got my license the other day I'm 16 turning 17. I don't have a car yet, but I want to drive alone. My mom has a car but my name isin't included in the policy. I heard somewhere that I could still drive the car. Is that true? How much would it cost if my name is added to the car? the car is on AAA Insurance.? . Another question. Im going to be working soon, how much would it cost for a 17 year old to drive his own car with his own insurance, BUT if im added to my DAD's policy.?""

Need advice on good dental insurance plan in California.?

Hello, I am looking for good dental isurance policy for one person. I currently work as a temp, and dont have insurance. I was looking to spend around $30 a month, is this too low? I need something that is rather comprehensive. Thanks""

Which would be cheaper to insure for a 16 yr old male?

a hyundai tiburon (not gt, just the regualar one, probably a 2004 or 05 because of the added anti theft put on the car after 2003, which lowered the insurance rate) and the tiburon is NOT considered a sports car, so dont try to convince me that it is,lol. or a scion tc 2005(regualr, not gt or whatever scion calls its sport verson) i really like the scion tc but this will be my first car and i cant be picky, id have to go wtih which ever is cheaper to insure. any advice (dont tell me to buy a cheap clunker, my dad doesnt want me to get one, he wants me to find a nice, afordable car) thanks!""

How much does car insurance cost?

Like im 16 and i got my first car its a 1996 pontiac bonneville... Anyways i need insurance to drive it,, so how does it work?? Like when i go to get insurance do i have to pay any fee's on the spot, when getting my insurance?""

Affordable health insurance?

for milwaukee wisconsin?

""On average, how much will my insurance cost?""

I'm 17 and female. on average how much do you think my insurance would cost on a 1.2L corsa 2003 model, with a black box fitted? Also would it be cheaper if i put the insurance in my dads name (9 years no claims) and me as a named driver? I'm struggling to find quotes as i haven't passed my test yet, just wondering whether it's worth buying this car thanks in advance BQ: do you know of any cars which are fairly cheap for teenagers to insure?""

What are the upsides/downsides to a LPG/Autogas conversion.?

With auto gas being roughly 60% of the cost of petrol, investigating a conversation is attractive but not if it is just simply an exchange of costs and the whole deal just is a contra entry. Much lower mpg , increased service costs, insurance, more wear and tear are just some of my thoughts. Also how does auto gas effect performance ? Hence what are your experiences (in the UK please), costs, regrets and pleasures concerning the topic.""

Getting health insurance for a young adult?

I'm a 20 year old college student living in Houston, TX. I have recently been having very bad problems with depression and anxiety and I think there's a possibility of anemia due to my low weight and constant fatigue (among other symptoms). Because of this, it's been very hard for me to get and keep a job. I really need a doctors help with all this but I'm uninsured and have no support from my parents. I've unsuccessfully tried applying for a Harris County Gold Card and I'm not eligible for medicare. The problem is I'm being supported by my boyfriend and living in his apartment for free. When I applied for the Gold Card, based on my situation, they said that I'm dependent on him and that he would need to show his proof of income. Since he lives off his parents money, he is still considered dependent on them. What are my other options in getting to see a doctor ASAP for cheap/ free? I'm afraid that even if I can afford the initial doctor's appointment, I won't be able to afford my medication or follow ups. Thanks for your help.""

What reputable health insurance companies are out there?

My mom doesn't have health insurance and my job doesn't give insurance to family members. I would like to pay monthly to a health insurance company so my mom could get health check up when she needs it. Do you know any health insurance companies that can accept low monthly payments since I don't get paid that much?

How much will insurance costs?

I am under 25 years old, live in CA, and first time car owner and getting insurance on a car older that 15 years... which company do you recommend and why? Thanks!""

I had a commercial accident in 2008 and looking for a chep insurance plz help?

I live in toronto i have been driving car with G licence since the end of 2000. i had a commercial accident in 2008 in which i was found guilty but no claim was paid. im still driving and looking for chaep insurance for a car. anybody's advice would be greatful.

Why do i have to pay car insurance?

okay, ive been driving for about 3 years now (im18) and in those 3 years ive had to pay about over $200 a month for car insurance plus the yearly down payment of $600. and in those 3 years ive never been in an accident. im always cautious, drive good, etc... where has all that money gone? its a robbery i tell ya. its a scam, a waste of money. an extra burden on our shoulders. now my license is suspended for not paying insurance. i barely have enough to pay rent and other bills. so why pay $200 a month for something i dont need? there must be some other way. i know what you people are gonna say. your too young, you could get into an accident and all that other bull shte. and thats all it is. bull shte. or, you never know when the accident will happen. okay. but what about the 3 years? 3 times 600 down payment is 1,8000. plus the 200 time 36 months is. $9000 total... wtf? and if i ever did get an accident, it wont be as big as that of a bill. all im saying is. is there any way i can legally drive without having to pay insurance? i live in florida. what if i got a lawyer to fight the case. saying car insurance is a fraud?""

How much would insurance oN MY CAR BE?

i am thinking about getting an 02 jeep cherokee, i am 17 and had no violations or anything, how much do u think that insurance would be alone for me and not under my parents name. (insurance per month)""

Do you have car insurance through Costco? Did you save money?

Thinking about getting an estimate from Costco. Im a member of Costco and thought I would look into it. Ever have any experience with their insurance? I know its an outside company.

How much would car insurance typically cost for a first time driver with a used car?

I'm almost 18 and will hopefully be driving soon and I was wondering how much I would pay for car insurance for a used car? I'm not looking for a normal teen car, I'm looking more for a very child friendly safe vehicle for me and my son. Generally what am I looking at price wise either per/month or yearly for insurance?""

Will the premium for my car insurance go up ? =(?

Hi, I live in Connecticut and I just began having insurance under my name about 4 months ago. Recently a guy hit me and damaged my car but when I tried to get his insurance to pay for it he lied about the whole thing and the police report stated both our stories so I was denied liability. Now my insurance company has to pay for the damages which come out to around 2400 dollars. I was wondering if my premium will go up next time I renew... I already pay $2700 a year and am worried =(""

Will my insurance rates go higher?

My friend with a permit got a ticket and I was with him. I forgot about the no left turn sign and the cops pulled us over and asked for my license and registration. My friend was the driver and he got the ticket. Will my insurance rates go up? because my dad will ***** at me and will the insurance company call my dad?

Can I insure my car for more than it's worth?

I recently spent a lot of money getting my car into great condition. I don't want to have an accident and have the insurance company only give me a quarter of what I put into it, just because the book value of it is low. I have USAA if that makes a difference.""

Can hospitals deny someone without insurance?

Can hospitals deny someone without insurance? I know of someone that died recently at a hospital waiting area who was denied help because he did not have insurance. He was 17. Can hospitals deny someone who really in a urgent situation between life and death because of no insurance?

Is there any cheap insurance out there for students?

Hi, My name is Courtney and I'm looking to buy a car soon but I don't have car insurance. My parents wont put me on theirs so I need something really cheap because I'm a student and I don't have much money. Is there some place that offers coverage for low low prices?""

Car insurance for young drivers?

I was wondering what insurers provide the most favourable quotes for an 18old male like myself? The cheapest car insurance quote I could get was 2262, on an independant insurance website. The comparison websites are useless, I just get results of 3000 or more. I am asking if I can get cheaper than this figure? or should I just selttle for 2262?""

""Insurance , real estate, law question?""

if a person drive a vehicle :D, the vehicle is under the other person name H, H buy the car insurance, the D doenst have the car insurance, and D get in the car accident with K, K is the one who is false, Who is the one false in this situation, it is D or K. Because K are false, will K insurance company pay all the fee in the accident and hospital? Will K insurance company pay for the damage K cause for D? Will K insurance company pay for D health injuries? Even if D doesnt have the insurance, D drive under the vehicle that belong to H, H has the vehicle AND INSURANCE UNDER HER NAME, AND D is H sister.""

The cheapest auto insurance in southern california?

The cheapest auto insurance in southern california?

Car insurance question (just turned 16)?

So I just turned 16, and am about to purchase a car after saving up for the past year or so. I just have 2 questions. 1- Im planning to get a 1991 Nissan 300zx, there's a 2 seater-2door and a 4 seater- 2 door version of this car. Planning to get the 4 seater, and from what I've heard, insurance will be a tad bit cheaper with the 4 seater, is this true ? And for the more important question - Im underage obviously, so I have to go under my parents for insurance. Thing is, my dad has a HORRIBLE driving record, 1 accident that was his fault and a heaping amount of tickets. And my parents' insurance has gone up from that.. But is his driving record going to affect my insurance? Like will I have to pay more than expected due to his bad record ? Sorry for such the long question..""

Can you have 2 different cars with different insurance?

my grandma bout a car for me, im only 15 so shes gonna give me the car when i turn 16 which is in january. she went down to L.a ( we live in california by the way) to buy the car with her nephew in law. shes 62 and half blind and doesnt have a license so she had to put the car in his name. but SHE paid for it. i told my mom and she was like if she wants to put the car in my her name she can. cuz me and my mom both know that her nephew in law could call up the police and say she stole his car, cuz the car is legally in his name and so is the insurance. and this man is very very crooked, he doesnt have a job and even steals money from his wife. he tried multiple times to steal the car so my grandma locks it in the garage. she even offered for him to buy the car off her for 300 dollars when she paid 1600 dollars but he wanted the car for free. now he is a...stupid man and he does not yet realize that he could call the cops and get the car easily so im trying to get this done as soon as possible. he aint paying for nothing on that car. im not worried that this man taking the car means i wont get a car. im worried that he might cheat my grandma, and that just doesnt site with me. he seems to catch and attitude with her when im not around but when im their i dont here no problems. so can i my mom get the car in her name with two different insurance providers and can the insurance still be in his name but the car in my moms name. and what if he refuses to sign it over can we still get the car. im sorry i had to air out my dirty laundry but i needed to release this anger""

What is the cheapest auto insurance company?

What is the cheapest auto insurance company?

Online car insurance quote?

My husband and I are looking for ways to cut back spending. We wanted to look for better car insurance rates so we looked online and got a quote that was considerably less (about 700.00 less a year) with the same deductibles and options we already have. My question is ... has anyone done this and had good luck with it? And does this to good to be true rate increase after they real you in? And what is a good company to go with?

Anyone know any cheap car insurance?

Im just trying to save a little money.

""I'm moving to California to Hawaii, can I use my dental insurance in Hawaii?

I have liberty Dental insurance here in California but I am moving to Hawaii in a few weeks. Will I be covered in Hawaii?

Does your home insurance go up when you have a boat?

I want to buy a 21 foot boat and keep it in my back yard when not in use. What costs am I looking at? The boat and trailer need new registration but is that just a one time payment and I'm good to go? thanks

Is the dodge magnum a considered a sports car?

23 years old, how much would I pay for insurance on a 2006? Thanks!""

Cheapest liability insurance?

I'm 19yr old male in Texas w/ good-driving record, no tickets, have license for 2yrs now, have liability w/ State Farm for $116/mo looking for cheaper premium. W/ this info, can some one point me towards the direction for finding a much cheaper premium, preferably LESS than $100! Thanks.""

Why is motorcycle insurance insane for everything but cruiser types?

I called Geico and they quoted me on a bunch of motorcycles. Cruisers were the only reasonable ones, but I thought the other types (sport, standard, touring, offroad) that I got quotes on were riduculously high! I even asked about the ninja 250 and that was 4 times the amount of a 750 shadow. How is that possible?""

What is the best car insurance for a traveler?

Hi, me and my partner just bought a car in Auckland. We are traveling around New Zealand for around 9 months and was wondering which is the best vehicle insurance we can get.""

How much a rental house property insurance should cost?

I rented a house and the mortgage company says I need to have rental insurance. I do not want to cover my tenants stuff, just the house in Nevada. Thanks""

About how much per month would insurance for a sub shop/pizza place cost an owner?

Doing research in attempt to know how much it will take to get a small sub shop off the ground. A big question is insurance. In this day in age, I would hate to be sued by someone who slips outside and falls. I will be renting the property from a local land owner. The building is 1,000 square feet, small joint. What is a general range of which I might in liability insurance for my business? Located in ohio small town.""

I got a ticket and need to know what my insurance will cost?

I got a reckless driving ticket I'm 16 no other tickets or wreck I have Erie insurance What will my insurance cost bcus my mom canceled it and I have to pay it now

How does auto insurance work in at fault collision?

Hello, I am curious as to how my auto insurance policy would cover body damage to my car. I have comprehensive/collision coverage, as it is only a few years old and still owed by the bank. I accidentally ran into the side of my garage, and the front right side and bumper have scratches/dents in it. The nearest body shop quotes average in the 1800 dollar range for repairs, which I don't have. Can I have my insurance cover this, with a 500 dollar deductible, and if so, will it affect my insurance rates? My insurer is California State Automobile Association. Thanks.""

Is car insurance cheaper when changing from 20 to 21 in age?

Is car insurance cheaper when changing from 20 to 21 in age?

Is Auto Insurance cheaper in Florida or Georgia?

Is Auto Insurance cheaper in Florida or Georgia?

""Obamcare, how is it enforced?""

So, the single mothers of 3 children. The one who's flipping burgers for 12,000 a year income, She's going to pay $100 a month for insurance, or she will be in violation of the law, right? When she doesn't pay the $100 a month, she's a criminal, right? We're going to fine her $2,000? If she doesn't pay the fine, we'll throw her in jail? Really? This is the plan? Does anybody else see how ridiculous this whole thing is???""

""Where is the cheapest place to get auto insurance in st. petersburg, FL 33701?""

Haven't had insurance in awhile, just bought a new/used truck. Just need the basics. Live in st. pete area code 33701.""

Will my insurance rates go higher?

My friend with a permit got a ticket and I was with him. I forgot about the no left turn sign and the cops pulled us over and asked for my license and registration. My friend was the driver and he got the ticket. Will my insurance rates go up? because my dad will ***** at me and will the insurance company call my dad?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/kingdom-city-missouri-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-65262-williams/"

[mixeddoctor]

Breakthrough- and not the good kind

Yesterday was a shitty day. Today was a shitty day. I think this is what they call breakthrough depression. I made the call Wednesday. I felt shitty. I even felt like I did something wrong. Like he wasn’t picking up the phone to respond because I messed up and he had a right to be mad at me. Which is crazy. This man raped me and is making me feel guilty about it? That is literally insane. But it’s what I feel. And Thursday, after sleeping some 16 hours, I went to class and my friend came home and spent the night here. Which was awesome because I didn’t think or feel anything about it. But then she left the next day. Well, I went with her on her first leg of the trip because I needed to return a dress to Banana Republic that my mom ordered for me that was too big. Well this Banana was across the street from the Nando’s we met at the night he raped me. I kept feeling weird looking at the shops. Looking at the ground that I was walking on. Looking at the Trolley knowing it went to the waterfront where he convinced me that I should go drink with him instead of going home like I wanted to. It made me feel some type of way being there and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I came home and instead of studying, I don’t even remember what I did. I literally feel like I was a ghost walking in my place doing everything I could to be there, but couldn’t manifest myself. I know I watched shows. Oh. I rewatched the shows from Thursday and I watched my Friday show and I watched Showtime at the Apollo. Showtime had a couple artists singing a few songs that I put in my spotify including Praying by Kesha Bust the Windows by Jazmine Sullivan and some others. But Kesha killed me. I caught up on the show and was just laying there because I didn’t want to move. I played Praying on my spotify and within the first 10 seconds I was literally sobbing. I cried....hard...for an hour. I can’t even deny thinking that I wanted to die. I was balled up on my bed on the floor. I was crying so hard and loud I swore my neighbors thought something was wrong. At some points I couldn’t breathe and had to slow down to blow my nose and clear my sinuses and throat because I literally was not breathing. I was rocking back and forth scratching my legs which is something I’ve never done before but it was this weird reaction to like idk wanting to feel something? I don’t think I’ve ever, in my entire life, cried that hard. I didn’t cry that hard when my grandfather passed. I didn’t cry that hard when my biological dad dragged me across my front lawn. I didn’t cry that hard after having auditory flashbacks of my stepmother’s screams. I have NEVER cried that hard and for that long. And everything just hurt. I couldn’t seem to do anything but just cry and cry and cry. I was pulling my hair at some points. At some points between sobs, I forgot, like legit forgot to breathe and gasped for air remembering that I wasn’t breathing anymore. It literally felt never ending. I can’t even describe the pain, the feeling.. it was like a hurricane or a tornado just ripped through me. The pills have worked up to this point but the catalyst was that stupid phone call. I thought I was strong enough for it. I really did. I reassured myself, I reassured my friends, I reassured them I could do this. I thought for sure these pills have been protecting me from feeling anything and I havent been able to cry or feel anything but evenly content since I started them so this should have been no problem. But the phone call, hearing his voicemail, leaving my voicemail, going over what happened, walking the street, seeing that Nando’s, hearing the songs, and just feeling... it all just came through me and rocked me like and unreinforced house in Katrina. Ripping the roof off my cool, flooding me with every emotion after the dam, those pills, failed. And completely destroying me beyond repair from the inside out. I sat there in my head asking God to send me something. Some kind of sign. Some kind of anything. I knew it was dangerous for me to sit there like that. I needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Because I knew if I sat there for too long, in that feeling, with my thoughts as wrecked as they were... I had already seen where I was going... But God answers prayers and my mom called. She had no idea what I’ve been up to, how I’ve been feeling, that I’m on pills or pretty much anything. I want to shield her because I heard it in her voice-she was guilty that she didn’t see it in him. She liked him. She thought he was great. She didn’t see it coming and I didn’t see it coming so she couldn’t protect me from what she had already lived through and she felt guilty. So I don’t tell her anything. My dad knows, which most people would find odd but I would say I’ve always trusted my dad a little more than my mom and now I trust him pretty much completely and he knows everything about me and what’s going on. Well... I kind of shield him too. He doesn’t know how bad my depression was and apparently after Wednesday still is. He has no idea about the side effects of the pills or obviously what happened yesterday night because he also feels bad. Because he warned me about him-said to stay away from him at one point. And he feels almost responsible which I told him is ridiculous but I know first hand, sometimes you can’t control the way you feel, despite what you know. Anyway. She called and we were on the phone for a long time and then I just fell asleep. 

I woke up today feeling better but still shitty. To be honest, had I not scheduled a call with a prospective student this morning I would have laid in bed all day, because I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to think. And the crappy part about that is that yet again I am not studying. I need to get over this hump. I am debating on taking 2 doses of the pills for the next few days just to get me through but I know that messing with these dosages can mess you up more than just staying consistent. 

Breakthroughs are normal especially with triggers. But this is just terribly timed. I need to be studying. Not laying on the floor in a pool of tears with swollen eyes, lips, and nose wanting to disappear. I am trying to be patient with myself and still have faith that God will get me through this. 

The other day someone said that breaking up with someone sometimes feels just as impactful as someone dying. Granted we weren’t together like that... sort of... sometimes I feel like we were even closer and then after the rape because of my stupid lack of coping skills, I did let him in that way...so I guess in a way, I feel like I’m grieving someone dying. I’m grieving him, my perception of who he was, and myself because in all of this a piece of me has died too. I guess when I put it as someone dying, it almost doesn’t feel as ridiculous for me to be feeling so terrible so much time afterwards or so easily triggered. I still feel stupid sometimes though. I feel stupid for not seeing the signs. I feel stupid for not trusting my gut that night. I feel stupid for grieving. I feel weak for grieving. I feel weak for being affected. I sometimes sit and try not to think but find myself wondering if he’s thriving. If he’s moved on to his next victim. If I was just a 2 year challenge. If he went back to his boys and said he finally hit it and just didn’t say how. If he said he was finally getting out of the friend zone and was enjoying all the confusion it was causing me. If once I cut him off, and he realized I wasn’t budging, if he just said fine, she didn’t mean that much anyway and moved on to the next challenge. And if he is thriving and manipulative and that evil... then I feel stupid and weak and idiotic and cheap and worthless. And maybe my grief and grieving for myself is me grieving my strength and pride. Somehow, I just can’t seem to get it together. And it again makes me feel weak. RIP to my strength and sense of worth because I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I would allow someone to take this much from me. I hate to admit that he broke me. But he did. And I am just trying to glue back the pieces together enough to be able to hold water but I keep springing leaks and falling apart all over again. How many more times will I have to put myself back together? Will the glue ever really stick?

  My friend back home had her baby yesterday. She found out the day after she announced that she was pregnant with her second baby that the baby had anencephaly and she chose to continue the pregnancy hoping for a miracle and just putting the whole situation in God’s hands. She went into labor Wednesday and had her baby Friday and he passed away either yesterday or this morning. She posted something today about it and responded to someone and said that She knows that she did everything she could to honor God and that God knows all and never messes up in His plans and perhaps she can help someone else later with a similar situation. Her strength in this astounds me. And today I found myself wondering if I will eventually just help someone else. Not that I would ever wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy. But it makes me feel like the pain has a purpose. And where there is purpose, there is direction and maybe that’s all I need. 

[grapsandclaps]

PCW SIXTH ANNIVERSARY PART 2

Food done at Yates's it waa time to take in a couple of the usual haunts in Preston, first of all - The Guild Ale House which is a real ale haven for the hardened craft ale drinker, generally every drink is under £3.50 and of the highest quality. I would liken this pub as well to someones fromt living room with the white carpet which i am surprised no one has ruined yet spilling their stout, we decamped to the small yard area to think up of niche songs for one of the night's combatants - Su Yung. A mixture of stuff from The Beatles, Genesis and The Corrs were batted about but as we would find out later would go down as well as a wet fart in Church. The drink i had in here was 2/3rds of a Saison like drink "Never Known Fog Like It" for £3.50 and it was a nice drink that i would try a second helping of if i saw it again. Next stop was Hogarths to see the latter end of our football coupons going down and also a lovely pint of £2.05 Hogarths own ale. This pub looks like it has been a success since it has opened rivalling Wetherspoons on price and it also caters for people who like their sport with Racing UK and Sky Sports being prominent on all screens. Drinks done it was time to get into Evoque for the show, thankfully this time their was a high stool in my usual spot so i took advantage to rest my feet and sit in my perch to watch the graps. A bigger crowd than expected crowd was in attendance and it was nice to see people give PCW another try having probably being put off by the below par shows that were provided in 2016, but in fairness since the change in booker this year to Greg Lambert holding the pencil shows have improved by far so the ball was in PCWs court to make it worth it - lets see if they pulled it off. First off was a 3 way match to be no.1 contender for the Cruiserweight Title with Ricky Knight Jr vs Chris Ridgeway vs Chris Brookes - the latter making his return to PCW after just 1 solitary appearance in one of the Who Dares Wins rumbles a few years ago. Brookes received a great reception once his banger of a tune hit (Human Fly by The Cramps), Brookes has become a darling of the scene in the last year or so and could be on the cusp of joining his Midlands cohorts in the States sometime. This was a great opener to set the tone for the evening with all 3 guys working well together, Ricky Knight Jr impressed and didnt look out of place with his more experienced adversaries. Ridgeway eventually got the win in around 12 minutes catching Knight Jr with a choke in midair causing RKJ to tap immediately. Next up was Sheikh and Shake and Dave Birch vs 3 Mates Pissing About (Kirby/Hope/Joey Hayes). Seymour Gains gave an opening spiel trying to get over his S.H.I.T.S Protein Shake to a chorus of boos with his mate Sheikh El-Sham eyeing me up again - naturally i booed him again. These two have become a good team in their short time together getting the right reaction from the audience - good work lads. This was a really fun match as you can expect with the 3 mates who are fantastic at these comedy matches and are filling the void left by Dave Rayne and Mad Man Manson. The 3 mates got the win with the Shield Powerbomb to Seymour for the 1-2-3 and to rub it in Seymours face even more they poured his S.H.I.T.S Protein Shakes all over him. Soner Durson vs CJ Banks Part 3 was next with it being 1-1 in the series from their 2 good scraps in Tidal and PCW. Even though it took time for the crowd to warm to the match, they eventually got the crowd onside and provided a good match with Soner looking impressive again but sadly coming up short trying to hit the frog splash but CJ caught him with a pair of knees and Cheeky Rolled him up for the win. Good Stuff!! Half Time Main Event was Aussie Open challenging the PCW Tag Champions The UK Hooligans. As expected this was a really good match but it was more suited to The Hooligans style of working fighting around the ringside area smacking especially Fletcher with suicide dives and school chair shots to the head. The Aussies did eventually get some offence in, using their raised cutter for a close 2 count but after 15 minutes they fell to The Hooligans but they shouldnt be too disheartened and i for ine would like to see them in PCW again. But if you do see Kyle Fletcher and Mark Davis elsewhere in the country I urge you to see them. After the match the UK Hooligans found out that they would be facing The NAK (Chris Renfrew and BT Gunn) in September, should be a good scrap. My mate Ben made quite the hot take after the match saying even though he likes The Hooligans, he is a bit fed up with their style of match and would like to see something different from them, but did point to the fact only Team Single went toe to toe with them all the way through their matches and wouldnt lie down and take a pasting. 1st half done and a mark photo with British Wrong Style accosting Aussie Open for a picture near the bar, decent enough gentleman to meet. Now the 2nd half and what do we start off with - Lionheart vs Philip Michael. The opening of this contest started off with a 3 minute singing of Philip Michaels name the like we havent seen since the days of Noam Dar, Philip was over like rover. Good action here for around 7 minutes with Phil matching Lionheart hold for hold and looking his equal but a spot where Lionheart pulled Phil off the ropes causing Phil to land awkwardly caused a long stoppage to the match and bringing a number of the roster to ringside to check on Phils wellbeing. Now with what happened to Lionheart previously when he broke his neck at PCW which left the audience in stunned silence and tears that night, visions of seeing a serious injury is still fresh in peoples minds but as ever with wrestling companies nowadays - many a fake injury angle happens and you dont know when to know if its real or not. In this case Lionheart picked up Phil to applause but then proceeded to use a Uranage Slam to drop Phil to a chorus of boos and a 1-2-3. Personal opinion i think Fake Injury Angles are shit and the dog worst thing to get a baddie over in this sense. They could have easily had Philip Michael catch a win from nowhere on Lionheart and then have Lionheart give him a beating after the match - it still has the same effect. This left a bad taste in a few peoples mouths and I for one was one of them. Su Yung vs Lauren (replacement for an injured Saraya) was next in a short match with Su Yung dominating early and looking good in the process. But despite all the songs in the world to rally Su she fell to a roll up from Lauren for the shock victory. I do think Lauren will probably end up winning the PCW Womens title in 2 weeks in the tourney but i cant say i am totally sold on her as a champion but just my opinion. Dean Allmark took on Jody Fleisch next for the Cruiserweight title in a fantastic match as you would expect from these 2 wrestlers. Jody hasnt missed a beat since the early 2000s and looks better bodywise since then, Deano has been a constant highlight in the past year with the rest of the cruisers pulling some of the shows over the line with some top matches. Jody hit the 720 DDT but only got a 2 for a near fall, Deano hit Jody with the Smiles Clash before finishing a valiant Jody off with the top rope Spanish Fly. Great stuff and a great pick me up after what was on previously to it. The Big Grudge Match with Tel Banham vs BIG T was next but sadly after much talking from Banham and tomfoolery from his cronies, it never got started with BIG T booting referee Des and joining up with Banham to be his bodyguard muscle i guess to the Chicken Shit Heel Banham. In one way a poor payoff to an angle that has been going for 3 months but in one sense Banham can use BIG T to fight his battles. Live i think the angle didnt go down well in the end and left a flat feeling due to people wanting Banham to get his comeuppance. Main Event time with the 3 way being turned into a 4 way with Champion Iestyn Rees vs T-Bone vs Bubblegum vs Ashton Smith. This went around 20 minutes with plenty of action and nearfalls happening, Iestyn did a majestic dive over the ropes which for a big fella is impressive. With the clock ticking to me getting the train, i took a position at the back of the room to see just in time Iestyn Rees using the Cheeky Roll Up to beat a defiant Bubblegum and continuing his near year long reign as champion. This made the show finish on a flat note, with the crowd wanting to see Bubblegum pick up the win and finally get a small run with the PCW Title. I found out when i left that Bubblegum is putting his PCW Career on the line at the next show vs T-Bone in a street fight which i guess there is a reason behind but i didnt see much skullduggery costing Bubblegum from a T-Bone prespective but hey ho - Wrestling!! Iestyns next opponent i am not too sure where they are going next, maybe Ashton gets another chance but for me that was 3 contenders finished off in one night. So i guess we get Iestyn being the not so brilliant paper champion again for another 6 months 😕. Overall a great first half followed up by an indifferent second half with as i have explained - the result of the main and the injury angle being topics of complaint from myself. But still this is worth a watch when it comes on demand. Delayed train to Manchester meant getting back at around half midnight into Rochdale, as ever Geoff was doing his best sleeping pose for #grapsandnaps - Standard part of a trip to the wrestling. Evoque beer prices - £4.50 for Tyskie (500ml) they ran out of these bottles halfway through. £7 for 2 bottles of either Samuel Adams, Brewdog Punk IPA or Brooklyn Lager. So in effect it was £7 for a pint and a smidgen if you look at it that way. Next time in #grapsandclaps will be my first trip to Attack Wrestling in Cardiff which by going off what people are going and the general fun of that promotion - could be a fantastic which i am looking forward to.

[rhapsody-in-heaven]

the “perfect girl”

we met at a club.

i had about 8 shots that night. i wasnt drunk, and i didnt feel like i was doing stupid things or anything like that. but with that about of alcohol you couldnt have called me sober.

you danced pretty well. and with the amount of alcohol i had i blurted out “how do you move like that?!” maybe that surprised you, maybe that intrigued you either way we started dancing. at one point you started making out with me. at first it was fine. it was a night out and i was having fun at a club.

but then it got too aggressive, it happened to much and you came on too strong. but i never told you to stop. because im awkward. and i dont have much experience. and i just dont know how to say no once somethings already started. we were dancing for far too long too. my legs were killing me. and although it was fun at first, it got too long and i didnt feel like i was having fun anymore. and again, you were aggressive. eventually my legs couldnt take anymore and i needed to sit down I thought that that was a subtle hint that i was done. you came with me tho. I was sitting with my legs together  but you swung them apart, came really close and started stroking my crotch. id be lying if i told u i didnt feel uncomfortable. it was hot, i was tired, and i was sitting with my legs together for a reason. still i didnt know how to tell you no. and no, im not blaming you.  you didnt know, i shouldve said something. but i just didnt know how to tell you to stop. maybe you thought i was into it i dunno. i assumed what happens at the club stays at the club, so more or less i was fine. 2am rolled around. the club was closing. you asked if i wanted to go back to your place. I said i didnt think that was a good idea. you backed off. you asked for my facebook ohkay cool - why not? (looking back tho, i regret saying no not that you were a bad guy or anything, but i feel like i unintentionally led you on). and that was that. except it wasnt. you messaged a lot. and in those messages it actually seemed like you wanted to get to know me. that was - unexpected. you told me i was cute and pretty and that you couldnt get me outta your head. and i felt like you were into me. but again, im super inexperienced and i dont like to assume things. you were with me for less than an hour and i wasnt sober. and now i get this vibe that youre into me? very into me. there were times you asked to hang out  and trust me i thought about it. you seem like a fine person. but our schedules never really worked out. plus i felt like you were into me and didnt wanna lead you on. then came kosmic. you messaged me asking if i wanted to get a drink. i said sure. i was expecting to pay my own. but you did before i could get the money out. i didnt want you paying because  1. no ones ever done that unless they were a friend. 2. i didnt wanna feel obligated to stay with you because you did. we talked and chatted and u asked me why i never met up with you. if i just broke up with a boyfriend or had another boy or if u werent my type. “ahh” i thought “he is into me” i told you the truth - ive had two boyfriends ive know each of them at least 18 months before starting. truthfully even now i still dont really know what it was you wanted from me. was it a relationship? was it a fling? if you say youre “into me” i kinda get that i peaked your curiosity enough that you wanna know more about me. if you say you “liked” me, that’s where i have a problem. you know nothing about me. that girl you thought i am is not me. you hung out with me while i wasnt even sober for not even an hour. how can you tell me you like me. you say you can be yourself around me. that its so natural to just be you when your around me. i feel awkward right now i feel awkward anytime a guy ive just met is msging me a lot and chasing after me. thats the real me too. the me who goes crazy with her friends is the real me as well. the me who tries to keep it professional at work is me. and the me who cries herself to sleep is me too. im not trying to pretend to be someone im not around you. so yes i feel natural too  but my natural around you is not a comfortable natural. its awkward natural.

but you dont know that, you dont even know i feel awkward right now. you know nothing about me. you say that it doesnt matter? ohkay maybe for you it doesnt, but for me it does. we talk for a while. well kinda - its loud and to be honest i cant hear most of whats being said. not exactly the best place to have a conversation. you tell me i dont seem awkward like i said. if only you knew how awkward i felt.  this dream girl you have conjured up in your head. the one who you cant get out of your mind. Is. Not. Me. you’ve idealized me into your perfect girl. when the truth is you know NOTHING about me. want an example? you told me that when you go clubbing u usually dunt dance with girls. but you did with me because it felt so natural. i tell you that i dance with anyone i can - thats not to say a lot, thats just to say i dont mind dancing with strangers if its for a night of whole hearted fun. you tell me you didnt know that ....exactly my point. you say we could still have fun tonight. and you start making out with me, so aggressively that I feel like a doll. again, i dunt know how to tell you to stop. you stop for a while give me this shrug like youre done and go in again - and again - and again. “the way you kiss too!” you say. “youre always smiling so i dont wanna stop” I think to myself, im smiling?? riiight i smile when i feel awkward and dunno what to do. omg my personality itself is making him misunderstand.

because at that moment i felt so fucking uncomfortable. i felt like a doll, an object - and yet i still couldnt tell you to stop. im not blaming you, i should have told you, and i really need to learn how to say stop. but if you thought for one second i was enjoying it that just proves how much you dunt know me. it was fine at first, but after it wasnt. and the dancing that night? with you it was never fun. the alcohol in my stomach and the fact ur so aggressive. holding on to me so tight that i felt the need to throw up. and spinning me around so hard you spun me to the ground. yes i had alcohol and i wasnt exactly sober but i danced with others that night but i didnt exactly fall on my butt with them. see when i said i wanted to dance, i wanted to dance with my friends. how do i tell you that this was fun, but i wanna have fun with other people now. i didnt know how. anyways stomach was queezy u were holding onto me too tight. i needed to throw up. so i went to the washroom  it wasnt a lot - out and done with in 5 seconds. i came back out - you were there. i get some water, sit for a while and tell you that im heading back down to the dance floor. you lose me in the crowd. i get a message telling me that youre at the bar on the second floor. should i ever wanna come and “hang”.

ive been “hanging” with you for the last 90 mins.  i actually felt that was 70 mins too much. i ignore the msg. i have fun dancing with my friends. I regret not leaving after the first 20 mins because i felt like the night would have been so much more fun. youve met me twice in person both times i had a number of shots in my system you see how ridiculous you telling me you like me sounds to me?

you say you dont need to know me, im sorry, i gotta call bullshit on that.

how did you feel when you found out that i could dance with anyone? did u still feel like i was the one sent from heaven?

how was it when you started to realize i was right? that the person you like is not the girl sitting in front of you, but in fact does not exist?

ive said this before and ill say this again, even now, i have no idea what you wanted. was it a relationship? was it a fling? i dont know. but telling me you like me without knowing me and trying to get to know me more as a person is not that convincing after you asked me to go back to your place after that first night at the club. it wasnt the fact that i broke up with someone or that there was someone else it was the fact that i didnt know you and didnt know what youre intentions were. i dont mind flirting at a club  and having some dirty fun. as long as it stays there.

and thats what i was doing. i thought thats what you were doing too.

if youre trying to convince me otherwise maybe you shouldnt have made out with me maybe you shouldnt have played with my crotch maybe you shouldnt have asked me to go back to your place. even making out i get, touching my crotch is a step too far, and asking me to go back with you, just feels like youre looking for a one night stand. telling me im the girl you cant get out of your head, who you want to get to know on a more emotional level, is not convincing when you stroke my crotch and ask me to go back to your place an hour within meeting eachother without ever asking anything other than my name and my major. that “perfect girl” only exists in your mind. today you message me saying that you were thinking about what i said. why you found me attractive, because you didnt know me i danced with you for so long and that you love dancing. was there something more you were going to say? it seems like a half finished thought, and honestly im kinda curious. but its been a few hours and even though youre online, you havent replied. maybe if you do - ill be completely honest with you and tell you everything i talked about here (in summary of course) but you probably wont.