#i havent been reading much these few days i started & finished a book about the prophet's (pbuh) character during the last 10 ramadan days

[navramanan]

isnt this just gorgeous

[synoname-wordsmith]

Leftovers and Burnt Toast: Sanji x gn!reader

Summary: sanji has some concerning eating habits. you've ignored them for as long as you can, but what happens when you finally confront him about it?

Warning: eating disorder, angst, eventually comfort, let me know if I missed any

A/n: inspiration hit at 2 am after reading the linked post. I'm not a writer, so don't come for me. Also, I'm pretty sure I used gender neutral language, but if not, let me know, and I'll edit. Happy reading

Heavily inspired by this post:

You weren't spying on the cook you were observant, and those old habits never really died, did they? You were a spy, and it was in your blood to notice things. Moving silently through rooms thing caught your eye, even if it wasn't intentional. So no, you weren't spying on Sanji. You just started to notice a pattern.

Spending your time in the kitchen working on research of nearing islands, you could see him moving through his space, cooking, and baking but never eating. At first, you thought he just wasn't big on snacking and saved his appetite for meals, but when meal time came, his plate was hardly full. You knew he didn't waste food, so small portions made sense, but he never went back for more.

Then you noticed he skipped breakfast. Every day, he entered the kitchen just moments after you set up your books and notes, and not once did he grab anything to eat. And when breakfast for the crew was finished and being divided up among the group, he was always last to take. And with Luffy, that meant scraps and crumbs at best. Lunch was the same, and dinner didn't change the pattern either.

He didn't snack while he meal prepped, and the few times you "accidentally" made too much and offered it to him he graciously smiled and thanked you, but handed it off when Ussopp showed interest.

You've heard his stomach growl, so you knew Hunger was something he experienced, but you couldn't wrap your head around his avoidance.

***

It was a Tuesday when you finally said something. Coming home early from an excursion on the latest island. You entered the kitchen and was met with the familiar warmth of Sanji's blue eyes.

"Hello love, i didn't expect anyone back so early, i can whip you something up if you like"

"No, thank you," you matched his light tone. "Nami and i grabbed a bite at one of the little taverns." he smiled at that and turned back to what he was doing. You paused for a second, then made your way to one of the stools across from him. Watching his fluid movements through the kitchen as you considered speaking again.

"Have you eaten?" You hoped the nervousness wasn't prevalent in your voice. He paused before turning around. Smiling his signature smile.

"No need to worry about me, mademoiselle, that's my job"

"That's the thing, though," you paused, trying to find the right words. "i do worry about you," you paused again, and before you could speak, he interjected.

"Don't waste any energy worrying that pretty little head of yours, darling," he laughed airly, "especially about m-"

"You havent eaten since sunday!" You blurted without thinking. The silence that followed was deafening, and Sanji's face reflected that.

Just as quickly as his smile faltered, though, it was back. "That can't be right, love, surely you're mistaken"

"Im not," your voice was barely a whisper, "i made too much toast when i woke up on purpose, and you ate the extra, but you haven't eaten anything since then. No lunches or suppers, and you never snack." You risked looking up from your fidgeting hands. His eyes were wide, and his smile was gone.

"Have you been watching me that closely?"

"Not on purpose, noticing things is what i do, but once it became a pattern, i couldn't not see it, and - Sanji, what is going on?"

He laughed again, but it lacked humor, and then he reached for a cigarette. He didn't speak until his first exhale. He was stalling, another habit of his you noticed.

"I assure you im fine." his voice was low, and his eyes glossed over as if he was seeing something far away.

"I dont think you are," you whispered, willing him to look back at you. "i didn't want to pry, but i also noticed the more stressed you are, the longer you go between meals." He took a drag looking at his shoes. You could feel panic crawling up your throat. "We dont keep secrets. Remember? That's what you said to me. And I've been trying every day since then to be open and honest with you. Why is it not a two way street-?"

"Enough!" He didn't yell, but his voice was low, and his tone was heavy. You froze.

"Sanji-"

"No, this is of no concern to you, and I do not appreciate you sticking your nose where it does not belong " you had never seen him like this, he seemed genuinely angry. It scared you

"Sanji-" you tried again

"Maybe it's best you work out of the map room with Nami from now on." he turned from you like he was done with the conversation. Your hands shook, and you tried to fight the tears that pricked your eyes.

You felt frozen and before you could organize your scattered mind to respond the rest of the crew entered the kitchen

"Sanji! Look at all these groceries Nami found! Supper tonight will be amazing!" Luffy yelled cutting through the tension like an oblivious knife.

In a moment, Sanji reacted, posture shifting and smile returning. "Of course it will! Show me what you bought!"

You felt yourself lose control of the little composure you had left and slipped out of the kitchen without being noticed. If you were going to cry, it wouldn't be with an audience

***

"just talk to him"

it had been 3 days since you confronted Sanji and neither of you had been hiding the tension well. You had tried to give him space and act as if nothing was wrong, at least around the others, and Sanji seemed to have decided on the same approach. You moved to the map room and held off Nami's questioning stare for a few days with vague statements, but meal times were still tense. 

You tried to ignore it and to interact with the rest of the crew but it felt like a giant flashing sign was going off above his plate now. You kept quiet, kept your distance but the worry was eating at your insides.

" do i need to remind you 'Just talk to him' is how we ended up in this predicament in the first place " 

You had finally caved and told nami what was going down in the evening of day 2. She was perceptive and terribly persistent, before you knew it you had told her everything.

"Sure, but we both know Sanji is the poster child for not asking for help. Its probably why you get along so well" the last part was meant to be a joke, you scoffed 

"You're one to talk" you retort trying to hide your smirk. A moment of ease sat among you as you both laughed, but all too soon your anxiety started to settle in.

Nami sighed and placed a hand on your arm, "look, he was probably just caught off guard and embarrassed last time. Try again."

"Ya, probably." You aren't as sure as you sound, though.

***

Supper came and went and you had meant to talk to him as he cleaned up but Usopp and Luffy monopolized his time. Before you knew it it was dark and everyone had dissappear inside for the night.

You hadn't seen Sanji since the kitchen was clean but decided to do one more sweep of the place before giving up for the night. 

That's when you saw him out on the deck. He stood near the railing facing the sea, the kitchen giving just enough light to illuminate the smoke rising off his cigarette.

You went out and joined him. Leaning on the railing beside him. He didn't look at you and you didn't say anything as you both watched the dark waves.

You started to pick at your cuticles in the silence trying to figure out what to say.

"Im sorry i snapped at you, it was unfair" you turned your head to look at him but he kept his sight trained forward. "You were right and i got defensive and mad"

You wanted to tell him it's okay, that you don't take ot personally. You also had a million questions rapid firing in you brain but the look in Sanji's eye made you hesitant to speak up. You didn't want to shatter whatever aire was floating around you both.

"It was my mothers birthday last week. I didn't even realize the date until after you said something to me" you turned your body to him this time. Sanji rarely spoke of his family before Zeff and when he did it was vague with glossy eyes. Only after calming him down from a few nasty nightmares did you piece together very basic ideas of his home life. "So when you said i eat less when im stressed i guess you hit the nail on the head." He discarded his cigarettes into the sea and leaned forward on the railing. You reached out and placed a hand on his arm. He took a deep breath and continued. "I knew i did that, with the food i mean, i just- food isnt really for me you know? Dont get me wrong i love food and cooking, but i do that others, for you guys. It's like a love language i guess." He pulls put another cigarette

"I do eat when i feel i need to, but starving isn't a foreign feeling, and, i guess, along the way, i forgot the urgency that is supposed to come with that." He exhales smoke with a dry laugh. "I never considered it was a problem,  and i never meant to worry you. For that, im sorry"

He finally looked over at you. His words broke your heart and you tried to keep your breathing steady. If you cried he would make this about you, and you didn't want that.

"You need to eat, Sanji. You deserve to be healthy, not just alive." he smiled at that. It was more to himself, and it didn't reach his eyes. He took another drag.

"You keep saying that." He tried to joke, it almost had the lightness of the Sanji you knew. You felt you grip on his arm tighten as you fought harder against tears. 

"How are you joking, how do you not see you deserve the love and care you so selflessly give to others?" The words came rushed and more pointed then intended but your control on your emotions was deteriorating quickly. "I don't ask about your family, and i'm not going to start now but whatever they did and said to you, they were wrong. You deserve love Sanji" 

He opened his mouth, but you spoke again before he could. "No, you deserve kindness and unconditional love. From others, but also yourself." You hadn't noticed you were crying and only noticed you were shaking when he embraced you."i care about you so much, we all do. Please take care of yourself. If not for you, for us. For me." 

You felt his arms tighten around you and he didn't speak for a moment but when he did it was clear he was crying also.

"Im sorry" it was barely a whisper "i don't want to upset you, i'll do better"

"I just wish you could see yourself the way I do. I wish you would talk to me."

"I know I'm sorry, I'll do better at that too." You sniffled and looked up at him. His face was streaked with tears and his eyes puffy. You half smiled up at him

"Hey, I thought apologizing too much was my thing." With that he laughed. A real, heartfelt Sanji laugh. Hearing it made you feel like you could breathe again.

He wiped his face and then yours, leaving his hands on either side of your face. 

"We can figure this out together, right? As long as it's together?"

"Together," you echoed.

[hanabeeri]

i miss doing silly diary entries 🥹 so here we goooo!!! 🩷🩷🩷 lately ive grown to love this grey jacket and so i ended up wearing it often over the span of a few days haha. its so cozy and fits the autumn season i think 🦊🍂 last week i visited a friend of mine and we both made things out of pearls, i made a new phone charm while she was making a tiny stitch figurine. he was so tiny and cute!!! i cant wait until next summer, i dont like the new disney movies, but i am looking forward to the lilo and stitch movie! my friends and i already made plans to go and watch it together 🩷🩷🥰 i also bought two frieren manga, completely in japanese!! i havent begun reading them yet, but i flipped through the pages and the artwork is soooo pretty. much prettier in person. i want to buy the other books too, because unfortunately neither volume 1 nor 2 have my favourite scene :( its the scene where himmel puts a ring on frierens finger. also i would like to mention that i cried when i flipped through the first volume ahaha himmels and heiters death always get me 😭

its been getting a lot colder these days so i started to wear my long warm coat and a pair of fluffy earwarmers. and although its not as cold with those items, i end up getting sleepy. both the warmth and the lack of sun make me sooooo verrrrryyyy sleepy 🥹🥹💤 oh and my vegan lifestyle has been going great thus far!!! i keep finding lots of alternatives and yummy products. sometimes i buy vegetarian food accidentally.. i still end up eating it because i dont want to waste the products and my family pretends like anything with a vegan/vegetarian label on it is disgusting :( personally i prefer vegan options, theyre also easier for me to eat because they dont have that greasy and soft texture meat products tend to have.

today in class we had a poem that went like this: 可奈思伊毛乎 / 伊都知由可米等 / 夜麻須氣乃 / 曽我比尓宿思久 / 伊麻之久夜思母 (reading like: かなし妹を / いづち行かめと / 山菅の / そがひに寝しく / 今し悔しも) and my professor made this silly joke about kanasi imo being a sweet potato because kanasi can also mean beloved and imo in this context means girl but it sounds like potato. kanasi imo... sweet potato. i cant stop thinking about it. for anyone curious the poem says something among the lines of, "oh my sweet girl wont leave anywhere surely as i will sleep turned away from her, now i regret it" (it being thinking she wouldnt run away after a fight ahaha). its an ancient tanka from the man'yoshu mhm. book 14, 3577.

my plan until thursday is to finish writing an assignment and send it in by 7am , make rice later in the morning, attend my classes from 12pm until 4pm, then do some shopping. and once im home i want to eat dinner, take a nap and then get my mamma from work. and then... then at 12am i will fall asleep for fourteen hours straight. and then ill have to get up and go to an appointment.. and then i planned to meet my brother to discuss the plans for my nieces birthday party 🥰🥰🩷 i need to look forward to these things, because then my soul wont find the time to rest and be so incredibly sad and heavy. i always find comfort in Gods words but sometimes its still hard even when i feel Him being near. it just makes me yearn to go to heaven and cry cry cry until all sadness will be washed away 🥹🥹 its a different kind of homesickness

[steelycunt]

ten books 2 know me!

thank for you the tag @pancakehouse @fruity-individual @serethereal @rollercoasterwords !

-> skulduggery pleasant, derek landy.

starting with this one because this WAS my childhood i was. i never read percy jackson never read twilight read [redacted] and it wasnt even good but my dad thought id like these so he bought me the first skulduggery pleasant one day...oh man oh boy...these were. i was eight queuing up outside a whsmith with a schoolbag full of books for the author's booksigning...also he was so nice ta derek x

-> giovanni's room, james baldwin.

cannot get into this too much before i start wailing and biting and stuff but well. giovanni's room is my favourite book of all time i read most of it. last year in june laying on brighton beach while the sun was going down and i have never recovered from and will you bring me home again / yes. i'll bring you home again since and fear i never will. also! first james baldwin book i read who has come to be an author whose writing style i adore and carry in my mind whenever i try to write something myself.

-> young mungo, douglas stuart.

not the first book i ever cried at but. first book i ever experienced disgusting full body sobs while reading and fierce competitor also for. my favourite book. had to reread so much of those final pages because i couldnt concentrate with all the crying and after that i am so excited to never have to experience the physical chest-aching worry that i did for the duration of reading this. also i think the very quiet way love is written here through. very trivial small things is something i loved very much and that has stayed with me!

-> wuthering heights, emily bronte.

read this when i was about eleven, and then again a few weeks ago with my mum (whose favourite book it is) and it was still so. absolutely sickening i just think its excellent xx and without it we wouldn't have kate bush's 1978 single wuthering heights so xx think on that xx

-> the autobiography of malcom x, alex haley.

when i was a child my younger sister joined a sunday league football team and my dad used to give her a tenner every time she scored a goal. to even things out since i refused to get up at the arsecrack of dawn to contract hypothermia on a frozen football pitch, he started giving me books exclusively on malcolm x to read and would give me a tenner every time i finished one. this one was the first i read and was indeed the first book that ever made me cry at the end xx

-> my brilliant friend, elena ferrante.

so many of these are recent reads because it was only jan 2022 that i made a genuine effort to get back into reading for leisure and mbf is no different but well. the way friendship is written here is just unhinged and incredible and the series in general so far has been. there is nothing like it i fear

-> the raven boys, maggie steifvater.

gansey unfortunately.

-> macbeth, william shakespeare.

okay i know i know but. when you are studying it in englit class for your gcse it might as well be a book innit. anyway of all the texts i did for english both at gcse + a level macbeth is still my favourite and probably the most effort i ever put into an english essay. special shoutout to frankenstein which i can enjoy in hindsight but unfortunately it fucked me on the exam so out of bitterness it doesnt get a place here x

-> the secret history, donna tartt.

i did inhale this book but also it gets a place purely for being my first exposure to donna tartt's writing and style in general which is so very distinctive and has. undoubtedly had an effect on me for better or for worse we shall one day see but for now. who can say!

-> foster, claire keegan.

it is a little pamphlet of a book at eighty six pages but. i read it just over a month ago and havent properly stopped thinking about it since it was just everything quiet + mundane + understated that makes my brain start sparking and whirring and. im bringing it on holiday in the summer so i can read it again in the appropriate season xx

tagging. but no pressure. @gaewaren @dykefever @emerqldv @fastasyoucan1999 @forlorngarden @writteninverses @boyjoan !!

[crow-ter]

PLEASE. Also i specialise in manga so i had to check my shelves andkenfkdn

My best recs for detective ficrion are the authors Elizabeth George, Lars Kepler (my beloved!) and naturally anyone from the golden age (Agatha Christie, and so on) and Philip Pullman's "Sally Lockhart" series is brill.

Good one i read recently was "The Cleaner" by Paul Cleave. Haven't finished it but it's good so far.

Not detective fiction, but recently i've been reading books by Ira Levin. If you like conspiracy stories, he's a specialist. "Rosemary's Baby" and "The Stepford Wives" are incredible, and if you're into dystopias à la "The Giver" (Lois Lowry) then "This Perfect Day" will delight you.

Most heart-wretching and most human story i have ever read is a novella called "Roadside Picnic" by the legendary Strugatski brothers. It's been 7 years and i have yet to read anything that destroyed me as much as that did. It's even worse when you read up on how difficult it was to publish.

Omgggg Thank you so so much! You have no idea how needed this was. Im ashamed to say I havent read almost any books in the last few years (that are not academia related) so sadly almost any name thats not from the golden era are new to me, as I mostly used my free time to play videogames and read manga. All of the ones you mentioned speak to me so Ill try to be checking them as soon as I have the time and mindset. I did have the delight of reading Rosemary’s Baby tho! You are right, it was great! Ive heard a LOT about “Roadside Picnic” and it has been on my “to read” list for a long ass time, so I think that Ill actually start with it as soon as Im done with the one mentioned on the previous ask. Btw youre always welcome to recommend more, in fact Ill tag it as “ref” so I can easily have a better organized list of stuff Ill want to read! Also you mentioned you also specialize in manga 👀 may I also hear about that??

[dausy]

Hello, hows it going?

I guess I could have things to talk about. I thought about updating my tumblr a few times and then just didn't.

I've been working on a project management certification course thats free to military associated personal and signed up for a few IT certs too though I think because its a holiday weekend, those havent gone through. But I finished all my online modules and just need to study and take the test. Do I think these certs might be useful? probably not but I low-key hope they maybe can shift me into some sort of unicorn nursing informatics or research job in the future. But either way, I have some free time on my hands since I'm not employed and I have a gajillion stationery supplies, including some of the ones I made. So I enjoy writing notes and doing school-y stuff. If it wasn't so expensive I could be a chronic student. The one thing about being unemployed is I feel guilty about wanting to purchase so many items. I mean I guess I could purchase them but I know we are about to move too and why add to my hoard? but I want to buy so many things T_T I've really stopped spending other than coffees.

otherwise, my spouse has had to do a lot of outprocessing appointments. We've gone to a couple classes that talk about retirement benefits and healthcare and other things. Because he's outprocessing from the army theres not a whole lot that he is needed for at work so he's picked up some gaming (he's not really a gaming individual). Which is kinda a blessing because he doesn't have much hobbies and it frees me up a bit more to do art stuff.

I've been primarily decorating my houses in Dreamlight Valley since I finished FF7 rebirth. When I do get back to Xenoblade Chronicles 3 and finish it, I think I'm going to spam read a few books that have been sitting on my desk for a while. I started reading them and then got distracted. Just gonna binge all of them at one time and then probably start FF16.

Anyway, tomorrows the 4th of July. My MiL and SiL are coming over for the weekend. My plan today is to go to the gym, come home and bake a pie, set up their rooms, probably mow the lawn and shower, do some studying and finish some laundry. This afternoon we are going to go see a baseball game and fireworks. Think tomorrow our itinerary is to go to the rock gym (that will be open), then the pool, then bbq, then go see fireworks at the onpost park. Next day we are going back to Carlsbad Caverns because family has never seen it and its amazing. Then they go home. Then I gotta prep for a new dog babysitter and turn around and fly to SanDiego.

Its a little busy. I do have an on theme 4th of July decorative footer but I can't find it right now at this computer, so this one will work.

[borathae]

hey sibi! Ive been a silent reader for a few good months. I recently saw an obssesion on your blog about one of the SA characters, I think it was tae??? but I am quite not sure. Anyways, since I kept seeing posts of SA, I kept it in mind and looked in your masterlist. I realized that SA stood for Sanguis Alpha, and added it to my reading list. I finally had the urge and time to read it, and when I tell you that I read this book in 2 days(including today). Its a bit crazy cuz I was so hooked I kind of procrastinated other stuff just to read SA. This book is so so good, your writing is immaculate and the way the characters developed and grew. UGH It’s just so amazing. The way the reader cant help but fully immerse themselves in the story. Its just so GOOD. I genuinely have not felt so strongly for a book in a while. While reading SA, I felt so many emotions. Sadness, happiness, hornyness🫣🫣, shyness, stomach butterflies, and so many more emotions. I just really wanna praise you for the book and your mind is genuinely genius. I have a question though, I just finished reading the last chapter and saw that in the comments you talked of a sequel. You said the sequel would involve yoonkook coming back home after a bit and saying they havent found namjoon, tae and oc join them on the journey to find namjoon as they go through different countries, poly relationship between the 4, working through old grudges, trying to stay together even though life is hard, hobi and jin making an appereance and deeper emma storyline. So, is this sequel still in the talks? or has it been scratched and SA universe is truly done?

Even if the sequel has been scratched off I stil love the book and appreciate SA so much. I would love the sequel to be written since it seriously just sounds SOO good but it is your choice! . Again, thank you so much for writing Sanguis Alpha and making me feel so many emotions that I havent felt in quite awhile. Not only that, but the book actually taught me some valuable lessons and reminded me of some stuff, so thank you for that as well.

So sorry for the long message, I did not mean to write such a long message but it kind of just happened 😅😅😅

Love you! Hope you have an amazing day or night and I hope you are doing okay 💕.

I love you so much :( thank you so much for this lovely message. Gosh, it truly means the world to me 🥺😭

I also have good news for you! I finished the second book last week and I want to start editing it once I feel better again. Look forward to it in early 2023 💜

[goodfully]

kinda just wanted to ramble about "the idiot" by dostoyevsky before i actually start reading it! ive only read the introduction by the translator (richard pevear) at the moment but ahh my goodness. most of this is probably obvious and known facts about the book, but since i havent read it nor know much about dostoyevsky, im genuinely just really excited hahaha

the painting "the body of the dead christ in a tomb" by hans holbein the younger was mentioned to have really impacted dostoyevsky.. and ofc also for the book. i hadnt seen it, or heard of it actually, until then, and goodness.. its.. intense. idk if thats a good word to describe it, but i get why dostoyevskys wife thought he was about to have another epilepsy attack after staring at it for a long time without moving.

i think the big thing to dostoyevsky about the painting was "can you still believe in god if you saw the disfigured corpse of christ? can you still believe hed resurrect?" i mean, as someone who isnt christian, thats such a crazy and interesting thing to think about. like the contrast between our social reality and our beliefs about the divine. for dostoyevsky tho, considering what (i think) he believed in, this makes it even more interesting... like to write a book that discusses that painting, that had confronted your beliefs with something so extreme it leaves you pale and shocked. but getting over how youd feel seeing that painting would make your beliefs even stronger right?

anyway, i kinda already knew that the protagonist prince myshkin was to be a christ-like figure. like what if god were a man, just a man who would die like depicted in holbeins painting, and stay dead? even if he was perfect and ideal, but powerless?

the introduction also said a few things about rogozhin and ippolit and how they are defined in relation to that painting (along with prince myshkin), as well as how they are prince myshkins doubles? i dont know anything about the book and its other characters so far ofc, but im excited to meet them both!

unfortunately am still really busy for quite a few more days, or maybe for months? it was a nice break, but im excited to start grad school soon! ive just been packing these days... everything feels messy and im exhausted, but i should be able to start reading the book soon! ive had the copy in my hands for a few days already but have had too much going on to sit down and read it, however, i should be able to read it during my flight tmr! im excited to read this book hahaha i dont know why, i feel more excited to read this than i did for the brothers karamazov.

speaking of grad school... my old philosophy professor emailed me stuff to read (just intro philosophy things and about spinoza hahaha), which honestly made me really happy! but goodness, theres so much to read... and i know once school starts, ill be needing to read a lot for my classes too. part of me hopes to finish reading the idiot before my classes start.. but its unlikely hahaha

[1d1195]

hiiii !!! i finished ding and i just jasndjfhkadjadj I ADORE them🥹 they truly are just perfect for each other (girl omggg i NEEEEED a future blurb about the rematch and him winning he deserves it after all that anxiety😭 also you should do something where bc they do a rematch and none of them consider that first fight a real match IF HE WINS THE ONE STRIKE IN HIS LOSS COLUMN SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR LMFAEJFKK)

I WAS SOOOOOO HAPPY TO SEE A TRADITIONAL BLURB !!!!! idk what it is about them but they just have a special place in my heart, i think when you were first posting the series i was just in a really different place in my life, not bad but not really good it was sort of an adjusting period, and i would get on here and read them and they just made me feel sooooo good and it was just a safe place to get lost in and everything. your writing truly is such a blessing thank you so much sam <3

AND THENNNNN last night i couldnt sleep so i was scrolling on here and i saw an anon mention committed and i realized I HADNT READ IT YET so you know i went back and read everything including their blurbs and ohhhh myyyy goodnessss😩😩 THEYRE SOOOOO ADORABLE they way they were just soooooooo down bad for each other ???? i need that otherwise it would never work between me and someone else. THE JEALOUSY BLURB WAS PERFECTION AND THEIR FIRST TIME ?????? AHHHHHHHHH

things are kinda boring on my end, it's officially iced coffee season again and i LOVE THAT. i CANNOT drink it during winter i already tend to run cold so that just pushes me off the edge and i just cant warm up again but now its hot out and im not sick anymore!!🥳 so thats fun

music wise i havent really been listening to anything new but i was on the phone with my sister this morning and i turned on Magic by 1D and its suchhh a fun song😭 ive been feeling more upbeat songs lately and that one has been on repeat ALSO last first kiss :))

hope your doing absolutely amazing lmk whats new with you what've you been up to ??

~🎶

Ahhhhh! Hi! I've been thinking of you! Glad to hear you're not sick anymore! I don't have very many new songs either--I'll have to look! I'm def PMSing so I'm looking for depressing songs to fit my mood rn lol. I'm back on my Noah Kahan kick. MAGIC IS SUCH A BOP. I use it to help me clean my apartment.

I'm so glad you liked Ding and I'm thinking that's a great idea 😉 I'll try to work it in!

That's really sweet about Traditional. It's def the series most people seem to like overall. I'm sorry you were in a tough place but it makes me happy you felt safe here on my little blog. It means a lot to me 💕

I loved Committed! I think it was a random idea (not super suggested) or at least I hope it wasn't because I can't remember. I just liked that TikTok that went with it 😂😂 They were oblivious little cuties for sure. Loved them 💕 SO glad you got to read something knew from me even though I'm def gonna be slow this week! I remember you saying you liked to read finished series so that's probably for the best. They were being annoying part way through if I recall. Not quite a cliffhanger but very Ross-Rachel just shut up and be together sort of thing ��

I'm SCREAMING about iced coffee season. I drink it year round. My friends send me the snowblower memes during storms that say like "need anything from dunkin?" it's so me. I'm happy for you though! It's like it's officially summer once you start right? That's good news!

Tbh May was really tough for me in about every direction. I'm still kind of overwhelmed with a lot of stuff, but summer is looking more relaxed while still doing a bunch of things. The highlight of the last few weeks was probably reading my trashy romance book and going to a couple book stores and getting more books that I shouldn't have 🤭 It's also POLLEN SEASON around here and it's quite miserable. But it's okay, I will be fine. Just got to get through a few more days of craziness 😅

SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU! LOVE YOU!

xoxo

[miupow]

yeah !! year of the dragon!! im a bit sad i wont be able to celebrate at home this year with the rest of my family, but ill be sure to eat bunches anyways. ive been writing 福 upside down on my paperwork for the last few days as like a good luck charm ! but yes ! so elated to be at oxu!! i like the challenge and just doing so much with my intellectual pursuits.

im happy to hear you're excited to read !! ive also started reading again - my choice for the month is Norwegian Wood by murakami and its sooo 🥹💔 aghhh. i need to get back into writing book reviews. ive done a couple for long fics here and there for fun, but digging into a book is a different ballpark. you should def tell me how your romance novels go !!!

im also very happy to hear that you finished just like magic !! im so proud of you !! i havent read it yet, but im sure its good. im avoiding fanfic atm bc every so often i get squicked for one reason or another, but ill def leave a review when i do.

ill come by later tonight with a beom thought - i flew out the 5th so i missed tyn,, cant do my boy gyu like that 😔

- 🐶

so happy for u 🐶 anon :’( i really hope you enjoy your time at oxu.. and that good luck charm thing is so cute omg?? i’ve never heard about something like that but maybe it’s because i’m a dumb american lol

oooouuu murakami!! one of my dads fav authors.. he has almost all of his books hehe he bought them all when he lived in japan back in the 90s

will def update you on my romance novel adventure 🫡 also book reviewing is such a cute hobby omg and book reviews for long fics?? that’s so adorable i would die if anyone did that for any of my writing

eee i really hope you enjoy jlm!! i worked hard on it hehe i know it’s an odd time for fanfic rn but !!

oh boy beomie thought… i’ve been having terrible brainrot for gyu recently cos i’ve been beating myself up over thinking of a fic plot for his bday.. excited to hear ur thought hehe ^^

[mojavepumpkin]

2/7/24

the end of all wanting is all i've been wanting.

sometimes i get worried and i dont even have a reason. sometimes i feel like i just cant get a full breath. today has been weird.

i haven't done much of anything, which is generally how i like it. it was nice out today, so i went outside for some of it. my nephew was home, hes an interesting feller, doesnt talk much on account of being 6 months old. i think maybe i can teach him how to be a conversationalist as good as myself with enough practice. right now he likes to sit in the driveway and watch me play basketball, though i dont know if he understands the object of the game. or even what a game is, or an object for that matter.

sometimes i feel like im running out of time. i don't know what it is im running out of time to do, but a clock somewhere is ticking, and i am very aware. maybe its how long i have to figure this whole thing out. its unfair that i have to.

didn't do much today, all day. my hair was bad when i woke up, haircut tomorrow. dinner was good tonight. i had ramen for lunch. i think i'll read after this - i was trying to watch the hawks but bally crapped out on me.

i think im going to try keeping my phone not in the same room as me for little periods of time where i need to be productive. i guess i dont NEED to be productive, but when i would rather not be on my phone.

im having trouble with thinking of things to write, i need to take a shower, so that's what i'll do next. or i suppose i should do biology homework, or art, or write my script for public speaking. i dont want to do any of those things, i just want to lay here and read or write. anything is more alluring than school at the moment. i cant believe its only wednesday.

i have learned recently that my torso is disproportionately short, so thats nice. as soon as i heard that i knew it was going to be something i remembered, just for the sheer ludicrousness.

i havent watched a movie in a while. i've started Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde, i like it so far - interesting. I intend to finish it, which is more than i can say about any other book in a while. its a library book, so i'll have to return it at some point, i dont like the idea of that, impermanence; theres a metaphor in that somewhere.

i dont think theres anything else notable in my life going on, havent talked to or seen H in a while (a month) and trying to reconcile with that with valentines day coming up - need to buy something, will tonight.

my next few weekends are all booked up, which sucks, i like the ambiguity of having nothing planned.

thats all i can think of to say

[cherishedteddie]

My entire brain has been consumed by two things recently: Heartstopper and crochet. All I want to do is talk about Heartstopper and make basic granny squares. None of my friends have seen or seem to be even minutely interested in HS, which valid, I like it enough for everyone and then some.

I just have SO much to say but also no idea how to properly articulate myself. I have never experienced so much unbridled joy. The love came quick too. I have a difficult time starting new series, I kind of stick to a few faves and rewatch them on loop.

I finished my big degrassi rewatch around early fall last year ( from Degrassi Jr High to Next Class, I don't play around! ) and kind of went off the rails mourning what could have been. I knew of HS by name but never really looked into it. A slow day at work, I had I Like To Watch playing as background noise and then I actually stop to see what Trixie and Katya are saying and was as leaned in as Katya was.

So I watch a few episodes and I'm hooked. Immediately after work I go to get volume 1 of the graphic novel and end up getting the boxset of 4. Burn through them. I havent read much in years cos my attention span has been shite but I read 4 books a novel and novella by Oseman in less than 5 days.

I'm holding off on s2 and volume 5 cos I don't know what I'm going to do with my life while I wait for s3 and vol 6 LOL

Maybe just reread it shrugs. Guess I'll make my way through the rest of their books and work up the courage to read volume 5

[daedalusdavinci]

im just gonna spitball fic ideas here bc i dont have any rn and i wanna see if this helps me brainstorm

i kinda feel like writing bruharv, but i also feel like i write literally so much bruharv all the time and im kind of sick of being That Guy? it feels like im incapable of doing anything else or something. but i also dont really have any concrete ideas besides vague feelings that are about as coherent as mashing two barbie dolls together and saying “now kiss”

on that note though, i could revisit bruharv as it stands in the jdau, but i dont think theres a lot to say right now. i think i covered it all in lost days. there probably wont be more to say about it until after jason tells them hes back, and then itll be getting into more of the [spoilers] betrayal stuff and harvey and 2f taking the confession completely differently from bruce and how that feeds into the divorce arc and how insufferable they are. btu i still havent really figured out how i want to write jason telling harvey and 2f in particular, and i kinda think i dont want to write it, and just want to skip forward until after? the dick and jason fic was almost impossible to write particularly bc of shit im going thru irl rn and ik that fic would be harder. maybe ill just do that and pick up with a fic of what their relationship is starting to shape into post rh. should proooobably finish reading damians comics first tho and maybe some of cass’s (i might not bother reading any n52 ones, given that almost everything so far has been 100% preboot characterizations)

on a DIFFERENT note but still bruharv related, i could indulge that little voice in the back of my head that wants me to dig my fingers into full on btas characterization with judge and hardac!bruce and the full mess. i dont know what id do with it though i just have a lot of feelings about both of them

setting aside all of that,

im still thinking about that detective eddie/brce au. i just picked up a bunch of detective books from the library yesterday so ill probably read those over the weekend and then maybe ill finally hammer out some kind of plot. but thats not gonna be until this weekend and in the meantime ??? i have a lot of thoughts about like the kinds of people they are and the kinds of characters and the bakcground characters in this au but no plot and augh. maybe i should bend someones ear and just rant characters for a while and see what happens

i also mentioned ages ago that i was thinking abt a pjo au where nico brings jason bck from the dead and leo is heavily involved and shit and i still think that that would be sick asf but id have to reread all of pjo to do it probably and rn my reading list consists of detective novels, then asoue, THEN maybe pjo, so god honestly knows when/if ill get around to it. its also like. when i came up w this idea i was in a place where the vibes w my writing was very much melancholy and bittersweet and heavy on the death and rn im uhhh not in that place as much anymore im struggling to figure out what direction i want to go in instead

maybe ill go back to my roots andjust start writing fluffy pjo fics again. REALLY return to the roots. just garbage nonsense fics. idk.

i wish i had the braincells to write something hs but i dont and i havent in ages and theres a million reasons for that but ill probably try and reread a few of my older fics soon and well see what comes out of that

anyway thats about where my head is at rn lolll i dont expect anyone to have read this but if you have thoughts i wouldnt mind hearing them it helps to feel like im not talking to air sometimes

[ofstormsandfire]

other than *gestures* the obvious, whats pk lying about ? in general i didnt really understand the question of what everyone's theories were supposed 2 be on ?

i havent played in a while but did pk like.. say his machinery was the best or ?

I mean, I think everything he's lied about is obvious now, but I've also been invested in HK lore for. a while now.

Rather major spoilers ahoy, proceed beyond the cut at your own risk:

Still here? good. anyway, unsure what counts as the obvious for ya, so I'm just going to cover everything because I feel like ranting tonight lmao

So, let's start from the beginning. All that stuff about Hallownest being the first, last, and only kingdom?

Propaganda. A number of things in Hollow Knight confirm that, not least of which being the Weavers having departed to their original homeland, presumably not Hallownest. Silksong's entire existence disproves this further, because while you could make an argument for the Weavers' homeland not being a kingdom, I'm like 90% sure that some piece of official material has described the setting as the kingdom of Pharloom.

Honestly, I can't think of a single thing in King's Pass that isn't at the very least cast into serious doubt later in the game. "Only this kingdom could produce one such as you?" ...I mean, technically yes, because only the Pale King would be willing to dump a bunch of eggs into the void pit to do so, but also how does he know that a Vessel is reading that? He doesn't. Just because it happens to be true in this specific situation doesn't mean that it's true for everyone.

He also lied about having the Infection under control, because he didn't at all lmao. Lied to the Dreamers by promising that through their sacrifice, Hallownest would be safe. And sure, you could make an argument that he thought he did, but...

...buddy.

I can't remember if the whole seeing the future thing was canon or fanon, but if it's written anywhere, oh boy. Either he was lying about that too, and he just claimed to be able to see the future. Or he was telling the truth about being able to see the future, and he knew exactly how his plan was going to fail, and lied about that.

There were other options. The game isn't unclear about what prompted the Radiance to start a plague. She was afraid of being forgotten. The fact that we only see one character who has any idea of who she was before the Infection (who dies in front of you, if you finish her questline) and the fact that the only symbolism we see of her anywhere is very far out of the way says a few things: being forgotten entirely was a very real threat.

It's possible, I suppose, that PK did try to resolve things with the Radiance in a more diplomatic manner before he resorted to the dead baby pit. But there's no evidence for anything like that I can recall.

This isn't to say that the Radiance is blameless. She isn't! But I'll take her over PK any day, because she (in her 0.005 seconds of dream dialogue) doesn't lie to you. She's at least open about trying to kill you.

PK, on the other hand... he lies. There's probably more stuff I've forgotten about, but I'm pretty sure the other post is referring to the whole "oh only Hallownest could do things like this!" thing.

So, who knows. Maybe people will stop taking PK's propaganda as gospel sometime soon. Maybe people will stop assuming that characters in games (and shows, and movies, and books, et cetera et cetera) will always tell you, the player, the truth.

I kinda doubt it. But there are few things that rub me the wrong way as much as being lied to, and I'm sure I could find more examples of PK's lies if I were to replay Hollow Knight. Maybe I will, just to prepare for Silksong.

[naemth]

Tell me about your week:)

not amazing

saturday: speedrunning a report, baked cookies, started on the 2nd report. Didn't feel accomplished even though i did about 3 days worth of work in 1 day.

sunday: went to my bf, worked on my report there. In the evening my whole body felt bad and i felt like i was starting to get oretty sick.

monday: entire day behind a laptop to work on excel, was very dead after but had to prepare lab, so more laptop time. Stood in the rain, was great.

tuesday: early morning again because driving lessons, had a prep meeting, finished preparing lab, worked on my report. Dance in the evening was a welcome break, even though some people kinda annoyed me.

wednesday: had the lab, went okay, was kinda fun but also kinda killing. Finished my report finally and handed it in. Finished my book this morning in the train! (Circe) it was absolutely amazing!!!

thursday: finally a day off! went into the city and got bubble tea at the new place where my bestfriend works now! was great :). Went to some stores and got some stuff to make onigiri. Made the onigiri and it was absolutely great! tasted as if i bought it :) Dance was fun, very tired after. (started a new book: Artemis Fowl. very disappointing, bad book.. but i need to read smth)

friday: my best friend's birthday, we went to a city for her birthday and it was kinda fun but also absolutely draining and fuckin killed me.

Saturday (today): slept horribly (i have been sleeping amazing for the past few weeks so this really hit me) i was so tired and felt so worthless that i had coffee (which i havent been drinking for moooonths). i tried to prepare lab but the words barely reached my brain, i sorta managed in the end. walked in the forest with my mom. Made miso soup but had a panic attack so my mom had to finish cooking it. Watched 2 movies but stopped half way through both :)

Sunday (tomorrow): i have a family thing which might be fun, but also very tiring so i hope i can try and pay attention to myself so i dont murder myself again :').

thanks for reading all this, i hope this doesnt bring you down too much cause this is a big vent.

[dancingaliensfics]

♡My Prison Pen Pal♡

Helmut Zemo x reader

Word count: 1,802

Warnings: swearing, mentions of prison and crimes and slight angst to do with his family

A/N: its finally here! I havent writen a fic in a long time so hopefully you guys like this! I tried to avoid using idioms and things like that but message me if you need anything explained or reworded as I know most people aren't native English speakers

@sorcerersofnyc

♡♡♡

His first letter came during the series finale of your favourite show. A rather inconvenient moment, you thought, so it stayed on the welcome mat until you passed through the hall on your way to bed. Picking it up, you figured you'd skim the first few lines then finish it and write a reply before work. Instead, you found yourself writing and rewriting a reply through the night. Somehow this man had managed to enthrall you with only a letter. Maybe it was the way he wrote as if he was some elegant poet whose sonnets would one day be hailed as classics. How he managed to be open and expressive, exuding a welcoming aura, and yet still seeming mysterious. Or perhaps it was simply fated by the stars that Helmut Zemo would capture your heart.

You waited anxiously for his second letter to arrive. After sending the first, you hadn't cared whether you got a response, the whole thing seemed like a bad idea to you. But your mother was insistent that you needed to meet new people and this way you wouldn't need to worry about awkward face to face conversations. Sending the first letter felt like any other chore you do in the day, done with much effort and resignment but forgotten within minutes. But the second? It felt like the most important thing you'd done in a long time. You'd even bought a first class stamp (not that it makes a difference).

You wanted to know more about this intriguing man. No, supervillain. Charged with international terrorism. Jesus christ what the fuck was wrong with you? Were you really falling in love with a supervillain after one letter? But he didn't seem evil to you. He wrote eloquently, somehow his simple and brief description of his day (he'd started reading a new psychology book, you'd have to send him some recommendations) sounded fascinating in his words.

Over time, you started to notice small things about Helmut. The way he crossed his t's, how he signed his name, but mainly that there was a romanticism to his writing. From the way he described his home, his wife, his son to his recipes for Sokovian dishes with small notes and doodles (your favourite was his shepherd's pie recipe where he helpfully noted his mother's assertion that you should always add more than you think you need). It was becoming clear to you that he wasn't the stoic and vengeful baron you expected but rather a soft, lonely and endearingly weird man who you couldn't imagine plotting to destroy the Avengers. Whilst it was his mystery that first captivated you, it was his sweet and sometimes awkward personality that convinced you to keep writing.

It took a while for Helmut to tell you about his family. You had heard on the news back when he first arrested about his motive, so you were interested to hear his perspective on his crimes. But that wasn't what you got. Instead, he told you about when he and his father used to play football when he was young and how they would play a match every time he visited, with Helmut playing against his father and son, who always wanted to play with grandfather. He told you of the songs his wife used to sing, how her voice was always loud and shaky and after years of singing somewhere over the rainbow she would still forget the lyrics and invent her own. He told you how his son was the best pianist he had ever heard. How he could play the greatest rendition of amazing grace and that he had just learnt the theme from swan lake. That he had been excited to practice it on his grandfathers grand piano the day Ultron attacked.

There was something so human about this man. His love for his family, his loss and grief, his plan to avenge his family, it was all so tragic and yet here he was sending you drawings of the flowers from his garden growing up. You wanted to hug him and yet sometimes you felt he wouldn't need it, wouldn't want it. You were wrong.

Helmut Zemo missed his family. He told you so in one of his most recent letters. He missed holding his son, brushing his wife's hair, going for long drives, waking up at 2am to comfort his son, early morning trips to the shops, cleaning up after dinner, helping with homework. Everything he listed seemed so trivial, so meaningless in the grand scheme of life and yet the memories meant so much to him.

You realised then you had never pitied him before. Not that he wasn't deserving of it, just that he didn't seem to need it. But overtime you realised that what Helmut had really needed wasn't revenge or to make a world free from superhumans, it was someone to talk to. Someone to trust. Someone who would understand his pain and not judge it. Perhaps, you thought to yourself, you could be that person.

Fuck.

You couldn't think of how to cope with this. No one you knew had ever mentioned falling in love with a criminal through letters. And as hard as you tried you hadn't been able to find a single romcom with this plot line. You couldn't tell him. You imagined with his seemingly fragile state of mind receiving from basically a stranger professing their love would at best cause him to ghost you. Especially after he confided in you, shared his thoughts and memories.

So instead you continued as normal. You sent him pressed flowers and pictures of your favourite places. Eventually, he asked what looked like, and you spent an hour trying to decide whether you should send a picture of yourself or to just vaguely describe your features. After deciding to send a picture of yourself on holiday a few months before the blip, you found yourself wondering what he'd do with it. Would he throw it away as soon as he got the letter or would he keep it, tuck it away in some book to look at whilst thinking of you?

You also found yourself wondering what he looked like in the real world. You had found pictures of him online, but they didn't feel real. He was never rarely happy. The pictures pre Ultron were clearly taken by paparazzi, so you weren't surprised he rarely looked anything other than annoyed. There were a few though, ones with his wife and son, where he clearly hadn't noticed, and some from when he was much younger and seemed to enjoy the attention. Then were those taken after his arrest.

And so you continued to wonder he looked like. How he looked in the morning, with flowers in his hair or in summer with the sun lighting his face. You wondered what his hair looked like wet, if he ever scrunched his nose in disgust. You wondered what his smile was like.

Over time, you told him more about yourself. The stress of returning home after the blip to no job, no house and your friends 5 years older. Your ex was married with kids and your sister had moved abroad. It was as if you blinked and your whole life had changed. You mentioned how it was your mum who had suggested getting a pen pal, so you could talk to someone new, who was living a different life to you, although she had meant someone in a different country not jail. Since coming back you'd been isolated and stressed with starting a new job, recovering lost information and personal belongings and moving house, so you had thought it might be good to speak to someone who didn't know you, who couldn't judge you. You told Helmut how it had been good, how writing to him had helped you, how he had helped you more than he could ever know.

No, that sounded creepy. How you appreciated his letters.

Too formal. How you hadn't expected to become his friend, but you were glad to be able to say you were.

Helmut was comforting. You knew in your head that your meeting on Friday was nothing to worry about but seeing him say it felt so reassuring. Each one of his letters made you feel relaxed, feel safe. You wanted to make him feel the same. So, as a way to repay his kindness you had told him that no matter what happened, he could always trust you. And it was true. You couldn't imagine a world where you wouldn't do anything for Helmut and although you knew he would never need it, you still wanted him to know you would always care about him, even if no one else did.

Writing to him had become as easy as talking to someone you'd known all your life. You had fallen into an easy routine, you knew when to expect his letters and you knew when you'd send a reply. The routine felt so natural that you even knew what the envelope would look like, always the same off-white with a square edged flap. The address was always the same too. Except on his last letter. Which was strange.

At first, you thought Helmut had been moved to a different prison but after frantically typing the address into Google Maps you realised it was not a prison. Fuck you had no idea what it was, but it wasn't a prison. It also wasn't in Germany.

You sat still, staring at the unopened letter for a few minutes.

You looked up at the door. You thought you heard someone knock. The post had already come and you weren't expecting people. Hell, there wasn't anyone other than your parents who would visit anyway and they would have called first. Now you were sat still, staring at the front door.

"I know you're in there, the lights are on."

It was as if you were a marionette, being moved by some strange force that was slowly pulling you out of your seat and towards the door. You didn't even register that you moved until you felt the door handle on your fingertips. The cold metal caused you to stop, as if broken out of a trance. There was a sudden realisation that if you opened the door your life would never be the same. It was sickening, a mixture of dread and excitement; it reminded you of the moment before a roller coaster drops. You repeated that thought in your head. "Your life would never be the same". Your life hadn't been the same in almost a year. What would be the harm in one more big change. So you did it. You opened the door.

His smile was beautiful.