#i haven't wanted to binge anything in forever

[galaxythreads]

The live action ATLA is amazing. 9.5/10. I didn't love everything about it, but there are so so so so many good parts and I'm so glad that Netflix decided to make this. I've seen a lot of weird criticism from long time fans and maybe I just haven't been in the fandom long enough, but. I absolutely think it's worth giving a watch if you go in with a semi blank slate. The Netlfix series is not trying to be an exact scene by scene remake of the show.

The thing about it that you have to remember when you go in is that they said they were going to change the tone of the show, and they did, and it works! It's not the same. It's not a comedy. It's funny, but it's not a comedy. Character motivations were changed to fit the darker theme. It's using Avatar as source material and intends to be an adaption, not a reconstruction of the series.

Katara is much more traumatized about her mom's death, which made sense! She was murdered in front of her. She's afraid to take on a maternal role because of that. She's quieter and softer because she's afraid and she's healing from her mother's murder. Katara in the series made sense, too, but I feel like someone looked at her and went! Wait. Smol child is maybe...not okay??? I have faith they will build her up as the seasons progress if they continue.

Hakoda is disappointed in Sokka barely passing his trial. Makes sense! They're at war! Sokka has to take care of the village, of course Hakoda has high expectations for him. And the thing is--Hakoda still trusted Sokka with the responsibility of the village anyway, so his disappointment in Sokka's trial didn't stop his faith in his son. And honestly, I think it's fine that Hakoda is not a perfect parent who never makes mistakes. Parents rant about their kids to their friends all the time. It's healthy because they're not doing it in front of, or to, their kid. Hakoda didn't know Sokka was listening. So. Idk. Sokka doesn't go through his misogyny is bad actually arc, and while I missed it, I thought he functioned really well in this story without it. And for the record!!!! Sokka STILL makes stupid jokes the entire season. He didn't lose his sense of humor.

Aang feeling so much guilt about leaving? Yep! I can vibe with that. I missed his innocence and playfulness, but I feel like this wasn't a bad take on the character either. He was still playful, but in the world they live in, it would make sense that he feels terrible for leaving. And everyone they encounter takes it upon them to rub it in his face so why wouldn't he feel bad or out of place?? Especially after Bumi. Everyone says he needs to face this alone, and Aang learning that he doesn't have to?? Powerful!! Is it the same arc as s1 of the show? No! It's not supposed to be!

Zuko's actor was perfectly cast. That boy IS Zuko. The scence at the end of e6 made me cry because it was so powerful with the 41st, and that felt so EARNED after episodes of watching Zuko's crew despise him to suddenly realizing the only reason they're alive is because of him and realizing it's an honor to shelter him. Zuko drawing Aang to pin him on his disaster wall was amazing. Him getting hit by some random woman for attacking Aang? Amazing. Him sitting next to Iroh during Lu Ten's funeral? So soft. The Agni Kai really rubbed people the wrong way, but I think it was interesting that they decided to have Zuko showing compassion be the root of Ozai's anger. He showed compassion to the 41st, he shows compassion to his father, and when Ozai has defeated him, he has him on the ground and could walk away, and he chooses to burn his face. It's not exactly the same as the show, but again, it's not intending to be.

Azula being here was interesting. I don't know if I loved Zhao being incapable of doing anything without her, but it works for what it is. Zhao is intended to be annoying and he was! So. 10/10. She cried when Zuko got his scar! Ozai playing the long hand of terrible abusive tactics made me want to bite him. Because Ozai doesn't care about Zuko. He uh. Made that pretty clear when he banished him and then at the end when he's explicitly told Zuko might have died at Agna Qel'a and he's like ????????? Am I supposed to care??? We've gotten rid of weakness. So??? Like he used Zuko to force Azula to become more ruthless. He used Zuko to shape her. I do hope we get more exploration of Ty Lee and Mai so they aren't Faceless Blorb Friends, but I just don't think there was really time in s1.

The parts they chose to remove and add into the story was interesting. You got to explore the story for the first time again. I definitely think both versions have merit and are deeply enjoyable, I just don't think you should go in expecting it to be exactly the same thing? I was happy to see a new take on the story, but that might be because I knew that it was going to be darker and the characters would adapt to that. I do hope we can get more of the vibe of the show's humor in season 2 if we get season 2, and Katara feels little more like her show-counter part because I missed her, but honestly, I do recommend to a friend.

Or at the very least, if you absolutely refuse to watch it, PLEASE go watch the last 1/2 of episode 6 with Zuko and the 41st because I CANNOT.

+THEY ACTUALLY PRONOUCED EVERYONE'S NAMES CORRECTLY #bareMinimumAward

[itsclydebitches]

IT'S BEEN A DOOZY OF A DAY, FOLKS

Yeah I've got a couple asks about it lol. (Always a terrifying experience when you log onto tumblr and immediately wonder why your inbox blew up...)

Man, I don't even know how I'm feeling right now. We've spent so many months working on the semi-confident assumption that RWBY would be cancelled that on the one hand I can't feel very shocked about this. On the other hand there's definitely a wide-eyed part of my brain going, "Holy shit the 'RT is failing' theories finally came true O_O" I'm kinda devastated that a company that's been a part of my life for almost a decade (and for other fans far longer) is just up and gone, but simultaneously I don't care because what I loved about RT hasn't existed for some time now. We've already been dealing with that nostlgia for years, we just got a hell of a concentrated dose of it today. There's admittedly some level of vindication regarding those who've been pulling shit in the company for so long and empathy for those who were just getting by and are now suddenly out of a job. There's regret that (despite my tendency to fall VERY behind on projects. RIP I owe everyone in this fandom a massive apology) I'll probably never have an official end to my RWBY Recaps. And there's worry about how this will impact the fandom...

Yeah, not to jump on the pessimism train, but I feel like this is going to catapult some fans' misreadings into new territory. RWBY is now forever the show that was canonically unfinished and thus its perfection is assured. Think there are major issues in Volume 9 and earlier? Nah, that's setup for Volumes we just never got. Catch a contradition or other mistake? They would have explained that if they could. Any possible issues with the show if it gets picked up by someone else? Well, of course there are issues, RT isn't writing it! This was already a fandom where having accurate, nuanced discussions about the text was hard as hell... but it just got so much worse.

Honestly, I say let it go. If they're going to do anything I'd prefer a complete reboot/reworking so that this story might stand a chance. Airing new RWBY Volumes was already beating a dead horse. Resurrecting the horse to start beating it anew just feels ridiculous. Yes, I'm sad for those fans who wanted an official ending, but we've spent so much time waiting on RWBY, being worried about RWBY's future, and I personally have encounted so many shows lately whose finales soured my enjoyment that there's something reassuring in the combination of definitive ambuguity here: you know you're not getting an ending by RT, so just have fun imagining your own.

Overall, I feel like I've got to sit with this for a while, you know? I totally get why so many fans (partiuclarly RWDE fans) are celebrating and/or releasing a sigh of relief right now. I'm honestly surprised I haven't seen any crabs yet lol. But maybe it's just because I'm "old" my tumblr's standards, but there's something undeniably sad about losing that part of your fandom life. Or at least, losing what led to/represents that life. Getting introduced to RWBY by a friend, binging it for the first time, pulling new people in, finding like-minded friends here on tumblr, analyzing it for thousands of words, tracing its history and watching how radically it has changed... that's gone now. Not actually because RWBY still exists, as do my friends, and there's nothing stopping me from writing as much fic/meta as I want, but it still feels like someone closed a door on that part of my life. That's not wholly a bad thing given what RT has been lately, but I do think it'll take more than one post for me to unpack it all.

[writingjourney]

Appreciation Post for @leezlelatch ♡

Happy Birthday, my love. You're not only my favorite writer but also one of my favorite people and I am so glad I have you in my life ♡

I can't imagine you've been in this fandom and haven't read anything by my beautifully talented friend but here is her masterlist if you want to binge which I highly suggest. In the following bit I will introduce you to some of my favorite fics of hers as well :)

Copia x Reader

How You Came to Co-Parent a Rat

This is a beautiful series consisting of six parts that is the fluffiest thing you will ever read. Copia is perfect in this and you will fall in love with Portobello as well. This is the fic that we bonded over and I will forever cherish it ♡

Sniffles and Snuggles

A super sweet sick fic that she wrote for me and that made me feel better immensly.

Brightness at the Heart of My Love

A super sweet and hot equally smut fic about your first time with the Cardinal. I remember how she sent me excerpts as she wrote it and I completely lost my mind over it. It's just so good.

A Cardinal Truth

One of the most touching and emotional fics I've ever read about worshipping Copia's body, especially his belly. It's beautiful and hot and everything you could ever need.

Terzo x Reader

The World We Knew

One of my favorite Terzo fics ever. It is filled with interesting conversation and character exploration. If you aren't already you WILL fall in love with him reading this.

What I Was Made For

An incredible soft and loving Terzo comfort fic that gave me all the feels.

Secondo x Reader

Nave of Hearts

Also a fic that drove me nuts when I got previews for it, equally filled with interesting character explorations as well as soft love at first sight that will have you melting.

Bite and Aftercare

Beautiful and super hot Secondo smut, hands down my favorite I've read and re-read many times, as well as sweet aftercare that doesn't shy away from the fact that he isn't the youngest anymore.

Primo x Reader

Dahlias

"I need more Primo smut" – I said that and half an hour later you somehow managed to write one of my favorite spicy Primo fics ever.

Alyssum

Soft soft Primo fluff that makes my heart so happy. I'm so glad she shows him the appreciation and love he deserves in her fics. If you're not into Primo I highly suggest reading these stories because they will make you fall for him :)

This is a long post and I could have literally put all of her fics in here because they are all my favorites. Please check out all of those stories and support @leezlelatch because I know for a fact there will be many more amazing stories coming to you ♡

[pantstomatch]

WANTED TO JUST SAY I HAVE been binge reading everything you've every written for teen wolf and I have enjoyed ebey universe. EVERY PIECE. IT'S a feast, a blessing, an ibsession that I am very endeared and I am very close to finishing everything which makes me a little sad but it still is a testament that I loved every single one.

it's just- everything feels so alive, so vibrant in all of your universes and just ugh, I haven't even actually watched teen wolf nor have I have any knowledge of the other AU settings you've used but every time, every time!! it feels like I'm opening my favourite book to reread and I'm still so enamored and so engrossed with it that I simply can not do anything but smile (believe me, i was reading during a class and it was so hard not to cry for throw me to the wolves and then giggling for everybody makes a scene)

JUST THANKS for the whole collection, the stories that will (i am for sure) will be running in my mind 27/10 aaaaaAaa 🫶✨

Thank you so much!!! this is the best, and so so nice, I'm so glad you enjoy all my T-wolf stuff. I will carry this in my heart forever

[mybrokenveins3000]

Freshers - College!Ross Macdonald

A/N: HII!! This is my first time writing anything on Tumblr, let alone the 1975 related. I hope you guys like it. Ignore how my grammar is all over the place, quotation marks and commas confuse me.

I move to university in about two weeks, I doubt anything like this will happen, but a girl can dream. Anyways, enjoy! Also, this is dedicated to @hypersonic04 <3

word count: 1.6k

♫ My Funny Girl - Harry Teardrop // Eighteen - Pale Waves

It's almost been a month since you moved to the city for university. Tonight, you're at a coursemate's flat for Pres. Trashy guilty-pleasure pop blasts through the speakers and you're busy avoiding people, drinking by the window. You watch the condensation trail behind a departing aeroplane over the cityscape. You're thinking about where you are now, the kind of people you brush shoulders with, and how easy it is to feel so desperately alone out here.

Despite the air of maturity and the swill of liquor in your mouth, it always shocked you how laughably predictable university boys can be - especially those on your Film course. It's been a month and you're already bored by the typical film bro spiel of "why Tarantino is the best director of all time" and how "there's something manic pixie dream girl about you".

Speaking of, you feel a tall, masculine shadow cast over you interrupting your intense thinking. Cue the "what's your favourite film" question, you think to yourself.

"What's your favourite film?"

Right, here we go again.

"Depends. Who's asking?" you laugh to yourself, still watching that blinking plane.

"Um, me." Now that felt more like a question.

"And, who are you?" You whip around and see a tall boy in a black hoodie. Who is this? He's cute... is your immediate response to the stranger.

You playfully prod at him with your empty solo cup, "Youuu are not on my course."

He laughs gently, casting his eyes to the floor. Despite his shy cadence, there's an effortlessness and confidence about him that is rare to find among these overgrown teenagers. "No, I'm not. I do History."

You squint and he senses your confusion about his presence at a Film student function.

"I came with him", he gestures over to the couch. The scantily clad, mop-headed, binge-drinking, serial flirt, Matty Healy, lounges across your girl friends' legs. You scowl. You and Matty have argued in and out of every seminar you've ever shared. It surprised you that someone like the boy in front of you was here with him.

"He actually told me to ask that question"

"Hm?"

"Your favourite film? He said it's a good conversation starter but I'm beginning to think," he makes a note of your comically disappointed expression, "that he is very, very wrong"

He smiles at you. You can't help but smile back at him. The image of him preparing to talk you flashes in your mind. You smile harder.

"Roman Holiday", he leans over to hear you better over the drowning sound of pop, exposing his neck and the chain dangling around it. "My favourite film is Roman Holiday"

"Never heard of it--"

"YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF ROMAN HOLIDAY?!?!" He certainly didn't need to lean in to hear that. He laughs at the inner film nerd in you coming out.

In that moment, he could see it. You and his best friend having passive-aggressive discussions during seminars. It's stupid to admit the twinge of jealousy he felt at the idea. I mean, you had only just met. Maybe it's the alcohol or Teenage Dream on the speaker, maybe he wants to see that enthusiasm and hear you talk about films forever and ever.

"Maybe we could watch it sometime."

It doesn't help that you blush easily. You can see yourself now, a vision in bright red.

"Does that line work for every girl?"

"I don't know, I haven't used it before," he smiles and rakes a hand through his hair. Fuck.

Wait, let's not get ahead of ourselves. "Who are you again?" you ask before you can glow any brighter.

"I'm Ross."

You reply with your name and extend your free hand to shake his.

The speakers go quiet over this exchange. A drunken voice exclaims "RIGHT, LET'S GO!" followed by peals of laughter and excitement.

You look at each other, hand in hand, knowing that you just started something good. Something good that you don't want to infect with even louder music, sweaty bodies and strobe lights - not now at least. If only Pres could last forever. You let go of his hand.

People flood out of the flat, but a girl friend of yours whose flat this is hangs back when she sees the pair of you not moving.

"Hey, could we stay here actually?" you tell her.

Having hosted so many film parties and Pres, she knows you're usually the first out of the door. She knows that you never do this or feel this, especially not for boys you've only met. But there's something about him and this squeezing in your heart. You don't want him to leave you.

She smiles, turning the speakers back on, the volume set to low. It's Boom Clap by Charli XCX. You wouldn't know this 'til much later, but she thinks you two make a good couple. "You don't need a key to leave and the door locks by itself, so feel free to stay."

Before she disappears out the door, Ross exclaims "Take care of Matty!!"

"No promises!!" she shouts back.

---

Saturday bleeds into Sunday. You're sitting on the floor with a boy you just met. He does History, you do Film. The Bluetooth speaker died in the middle of Colors by Halsey, but you both were too engrossed in conversation to realise it.

The October wind picked up, tossing the plastic cups across the room, but he was too busy looking at you, how the air danced and played with your hair. Neither of you could figure out how to close the window, you were both guests here after all. When he noticed you shivering, his black hoodie immediately came off. He blushed as you put it on, how the sleeves extended past your hands. It was hard for you not to hug yourself and take in his smell of petrichor and aftershave in its entirety. It was hard for him not to hug you.

By this point, you could name all his favourite teachers from secondary school and why the 1900s was his favourite century. He could list your top 10 films in order and the details about your hometown that you love. He recounts what it was like growing up in Wilmslow with Matty. You never knew Wilmslow ever existed, you never knew anyone's words could soften you to Matty.

As he speaks, you notice the distant whir of passing cars, the wind, the hum of the light bulb, and how this is all so tragically and desperately transient.

"What's wrong?" he asks as if he has known you a long time. He has made a note of how expressive you are, how whatever you're thinking or feeling is easy to detect just by looking at your face. You wouldn't know it, but he decides right then and there that he wants to recognise every micro-expression your face could make.

"I like talking to you," you admit, almost sadly.

"I like talking to you, too."

You glance out the window. "But you do know what they say about the people you meet in the first semester," they don't stay.

"Yeah, yeah, I do know, but" he delicately places his hand on your knee, "you're someone people want to keep."

Silence. There's an unspoken force about the two of you. It encourages you to submit to the endearing teenage stupidity and rash decision-making.

"You're someone I want to keep," he says finally. Whilst your eyes, tipsy and excited, have been jumping from surface to surface, his has been fixed on you the entire night.

A thump from the front door interrupts the moment followed by crashing and inelegant, drunken moaning.

"Ohmygod you guys are STILL HERE?!?!" screams that coursemate of yours, popping her head through the door. "MATTY, THEY'RE STILL HERE!"

A tiny "ᶠᵁᶜᴷ" can be heard from another room. You and Ross laugh to yourselves, not surprised by the scene unraveling before you two.

"You know I love you guys but do you mind fucking off?"

Ross is already stood up and helps you onto your feet. You could get used to this. You plant a chaste kiss on her sweaty forehead followed by "You know I love you. Use protection."

"Have fun, mate!" Ross yells down the corridor as you make your way to the door.

"ᶠᵁᶜᴷ ʸᴼᵁ"

---

You strike yourself as more tipsy than you realise as you wiggle the door handle and cry, "OHMYGOD, IT DOES LOCK ON ITS OWN!!"

And he's looking at you, smiling that same warm smile, as you get excited over a door. You're still wearing his hoodie.

You notice him staring, "what?"

"Nothing"

"You look like you want to say something?" He takes in a breath and shrugs. "If you wanna say something, just say it," you laugh.

To that, he lifts up your chin with his finger and kisses you.

As soon as he backs away, you toss your arms around his neck and inelegantly smash your face onto his. You can feel him smiling as you kiss. His arms pull you closer at the waist, hands underneath his hoodie.

"I've been waiting to do that all night," he whispers as you pull away. The streetlights and skyscrapers blink through the windows of the dimly lit corridor. Only this time in the face of the city, you don't feel alone anymore.

"Are you busy today?" he asks, tucking a stray hair behind your ear. You're still slung around his neck. It's all stupidly endearingly familiar, but also so new. You kiss through the conversation.

"No, no, not busy... do need to do my laundry though."

"Good, so do I." You silently agree to do it together.

You take his hand in yours and walk down the stairs.

"I'm someone you wanna keep, huh?"

"You're someone I wanna keep."

[sophisticatedgia]

Change is coming. I can handle it.

I've reached my goal weight of 139-140 lbs. I am 5'7. That is the lowest I'm going to go. Ideally I would love to be 129 but I'm not 25 anymore. In the past, anti psychotics made me gain a lot of weight. I got up to 181 pounds on risperidone. Abilify has helped me lose some of the weight gained on anti psychotics. My beginning weight, before anti psychotics, was 134. That's ok. I don't need to go that low. I am happy. Now, I must maintain this weight. I am ok and positive with being anything under 144. This is my sensation of myself and comfort within my own body. I am not saying one cannot be comfortable or happy with themselves at higher weights.

Lately I've been eating broccoli, copious amounts of protein bars and bananas, once regular Mac and cheese, occasionally sweets but in small portion, and "Amy's" vegan tv dinners.

The foods I've dropped are oatmeal, taco bell, and chips w cheese and sour cream. I used to eat tons of chips cheese n sour cream. And tons of bean and cheesy rice burritos extra jalapeno sauce. My unsafe foods are noodles and chips, burritos and French fries. And Im wondering if oatmeal provides me with too much fiber tho it's incredibly wholesome and comforting.

Lately I've been highly caffeinated. Tomorrow is day one, one caffeinated beverage per day. Tomorrow is going to be day two of me not picking and peeling my hands and fingers. I am looking to God to help me with all this and more, and to maintain my goal weight. Our Heavenly Father can feed my appetite with his loving solace when I want to binge and purge. I am recovering from bulimia and binge eating disorder. Was anorexic in my younger years.

I luckily haven't had an oculogyric crisis in about a month or so. Thank you God for this peace you've bestowed upon me. I know there may be battles yet to come, that I will endure and overcome.

I am wearing my white touch screen gloves in picture. It is polite to do so and soothing for my hands. An anon message told me that I was disgusting for not taking precautions with my hand issues. I am now taking anons advice and doing the best I can.

I walk with my backpack everywhere I go because I'm prescribed Benadryl and hydroxyzine for when I have oculogyric crisis, and never know when one may happen. I keep my sparkly gold wallet in there and a few rose quartz. My sleep schedule is so good, and oculogyric crisis is something I can handle, so I don't believe I will be switching to vraylar(a more expensive new anti psychotic) I don't like change, especially if it includes insomnia.

My boyfriends been very sweet and manning up. What I mean by that is he is doing what he said he would do, giving me a deep tissue massage every other night. He has begun to cease his irritations and behaves more enduring and patient with me. We love each other very much.

I thought to myself , oh October first, it's my chance to escape him! Every beginning of the month is a possible plan to leave him. But I don't want to. The tenderness between us is holy.

I may keep reblogging some quote on here about hands gentle as snow. Because I'm trying to have compassion towards myself and heal my hands. I'm trying to see myself as somebody worth taking care of properly, in a mature and healthy-not scary-manner. Gentle , tender , sacred .

I know it's rude of me to say I may leave him, but if push comes to shove i shall. I don't want to though. I want to be with him forever.

Ok so I saw my parents the other day and brother and dog. It was a good visit. I got the 🦇 bat 🦇 leggings as previously pictured from mom. They are super soft. I helped wash my dad's bedding, did the dishes, took out recycling, threw away trash around the house, swept the kitchen. And spent quality time with my dog, buddy. It was a nice visit tho short.

I wish I could be a good daughter so badly. They think good of me. But if I were truly good I would move back in with them and help them everyday. I chose my mate. Like I said he recently got a Mohawk and that's my fave haircut on men. He looks so sultry. Can sultry be used to describe a man? I mean he's smokin hot!

Ok. I am fearing the change ahead of me, but with faith in my own goodness and Gods love for me, I shall do what Im able.

I want to say if my relationship gets worse, I will try therapy again. If I keep picking my hands, I will try therapy again.

I am going to be a healthy , humble , sophisticated , imperfect woman. I believe I am ADHD autistic. My psychiatrist says that I very well may be autistic. But they don't do tests for that there. Tests are overstimulating or nerve-wracking for me anyway.

Sorry for writing so much but two mutuals seemed to miss my writing.

Today my walk to the vape shop was so nice. The clouds swirling white and blue in tender waves of slow motion. I think my fave colors are truly white and blue. And grey, black, brown. I'm getting a pink neck scarf though. Cus princesses wear pink. 🩷

Thanks for reading or jus looking at da pix. Love yall. You are precious. You are sacred. Never give up on yourself.

[cowgurrrl]

I’m Still Standing

Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader (except he’s at home with the kiddos in this one)

Author’s note: yes I was influenced by Pedro’s Actors on Actors interview

Summary: Actors on Actors: You and Carolina Garcia-Long [2.0k]

Warnings: talk of pregnancy/family life, the age gap is finally ✨revealed✨, relationship stuff, Carolina being the best, discussions of sex scenes, I think that’s it!!

Carolina sits across from you in a beautiful white dress that perfectly compliments her olive skin tone, smiling big and bright. You've already been talking as the crew sets up around you, and you're struggling not to have too much conversation without the cameras rolling. It's been a long time coming, but after more than a decade of working together, you two are finally sitting down with Vanity Fair to discuss your jobs. Somebody calls to action, and a set of questions pops up over Carolina's shoulder, but you don't look at them immediately; you look at her.

"I'm so happy we're doing this," you say, and she smiles. 

"Me too! I feel like I haven't gotten to pick your brain about this stuff in forever." She says, settling into her big plush chair, and you nod.

"Well, it's like every other year one of us is pregnant."

"That's true because you had Sam like three or four years after I had Victoria, and then the girls were born last July, right?"

"Yeah, they're gonna be one soon." You say bittersweetly, and Carolina pouts her lips sympathetically.  

"Do you think becoming a parent has changed the way you work?" She asks, and you nod.

"Oh, absolutely," you say. "Even before we had Sam, Joel and I's older daughters totally changed my life and what roles I took and how much I worked. It's kinda crazy to think about how fast it all happened. Like one day, I was able to binge-watch Law & Order: SVU with no problem, and then all of a sudden, these girls came into my life, and I couldn't even think about it because it would make me sick to my stomach."

"That's how I felt after I had Elizabeth! They just change your whole world, man." 

"And can I gush about you really fast while we're talking about our kids?" You ask, and she laughs.

"Uh oh."

"No, it's all good. After I had Sam, I was so worried about how having a baby would affect my career, and my body looked different and whatever else, but you made me feel so safe and secure and loved. You reminded me I was able to have a career before I was a wife and a mother, and I could continue that career after. I don't know if I can ever describe... what you gave me because it was so integral to the actor I evolved into, and I've always had so much respect for you, not only as a friend and an actor but as a mother. And seeing how hard you worked made me want to work just as hard. Not just for me but for my children. So, thank you." You say, and Carolina reaches across the couch to grab your hand, and you smile. 

"Thank you for saying that. You know how much Ryan and I love you, so I'm glad to know that we were able to give you some actually good advice," she laughs, squeezing your hand. "We've been friends for a really long time now."

"Fifteen years."

"God, are we old?" 

"I don't know. Our first project together is about to turn thirteen." You say, both of you groaning as the fact settles between the two of you.

"Oh, my God, you're right!" She exclaims, dropping your hand to cover her face. "When we did Sweet Water, you had just moved to LA, right?"

"Yeah, it was my first series ever. Ryan told me you had just been cast, but they were still looking for someone to fill the role of Alex, so I went in for the audition, and I wasn't expecting anything, and they cast me right then and there."

"Which never happens."

"No, never." You agree, still not fully understanding what it is those directors saw in your all those years ago to cast you on the spot. Carolina points to her nose like she's remembering something, and you smile at the habit. She always does that when she has something to say.

"I will still get people who come up to me and tell me how much they loved that scene of us in the hospital because it was so raw." 

"Well, yeah, neither of us had slept the night before because we were filming, and we just let whatever was going to happen happen, and it ended up being one of those scenes that is just… once in a lifetime, y'know?" You say, and she nods. "You were and still are such a generous scene partner in everything you do, like in how you listen and react and really find your characters. It was an amazing thing to work on with you, and I still brag about you whenever I get the chance."

"I remember filming the scene where you came into the hospital all bloody and bruised and going home to tell Ryan, 'I think this kid has some serious potential.' I mean, you were just phenomenal, so I was not surprised when you started getting picked up by all these major studios," she says. "Speaking of which, tell me about The Beginning of the End."

"What do you wanna know?" You sigh as memories of those fifteen months flood your brain. 

"Everything. What was it like filming it? What did you think when you read the script? What was it like shaving your head on camera?" She asks. 

"Well, shaving your head on camera isn't much different than actually shaving your head because you pretty much get one shot to make sure it's good, and that's it. But, yeah, that was a hard movie to make. I was in a really weird place mentally, and Ruth was such a complex, nuanced, broken character, so it was interesting getting to know her and hard to let her go when we wrapped up. For better or worse, I still find pieces of her in my daily life."

"I remembered you calling us from Ireland and being like, 'I don't know if I can do this. It's so hard.' And I remember telling you there was no one else out there who could bring Ruth to life the way you did, and I still believe that to my core. There is nobody who could've played Ruth the way you did."

"You and Ryan were such an anchor when I was over there because I was alone and I was working all the time, and then it was always fucking raining, which is just not good for anyone's mental health and-"

"And you and Joel weren't together at this time, right?" She asks, and your jaw drops a little as you look at the cameras.

"Caro," you say, laughing. "I don't think I've ever talked about that publicly before."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Her hands fly over her mouth, and you reach out to grab her hand.

"No, it's okay. It's fine. All our loved ones already know the story, so it's okay," you say, squeezing her as a comfort. "But yeah, Joel and I were separated at that point which is another reason why it was so weird to be there alone."

"I remember you telling me you guys broke up, but it's been so long, and you are always together, so it's easy for me to forget about that. How long were you guys separated?" 

"Pretty much the entire time I was there."

"Wow," she breathes. "Do you think that separation made your relationship stronger, or have you just not thought anything about it until I brought it up in front of cameras?" She asks, and you laugh.

"No, I definitely think it made us stronger. We were both going through a lot, and I won't speak to Joel's experiences, but for me, separation was the best thing I had to offer at that specific point in our lives. And we really didn't speak at all while I was over there because it just hurt too much, and we were both working, and he was being a dad, and there were just too many moving parts. But when I got back to LA, we had coffee, and it was like no time had passed at all."

"Things were back to normal. Just like that?" She asks, snapping her fingers, and you nod.

"It was kinda crazy because we had both grown so much in that year or so, and I was worried that he wasn't gonna like the person I was coming back as or we wouldn't feel the same, but, oh my God, I'm gonna start crying," you say as you dab at the corner of your eye. "I still had so much love for him, and being with him and the girls… it just felt right like there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to be with them. And I knew if we could survive that, we could survive anything."

"And now look at you." 

"I know. Five kids and ten years later."

"How old were you when you met Joel?" She asks, and you have to look at the ceiling as you do mental math. 

"I was… Gosh, I think I was twenty-eight or twenty-nine. Somewhere around there. We met when Ryan and I were filming Hyde." You say, and she furrows her brows as she thinks.

"And how old was Joel?"

"Joel was either thirty-nine or forty when we met. Or..." you trail off. "Maybe he was forty because we met in the fall, and his birthday is in September."

"Can I tell you something I've never told you before?" She asks with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Please."

"When Ryan told me you were dating Joel, the first thing I did was google how old he was because I knew he had two kids, so I was a little worried," she says, and you laugh. "But then we met him, and he was so goddamn charming. It's really hard not to like him."

"Isn't it the worst? He's got that accent and those stupid guitarist arms and those big, brown eyes," you gush, rolling your eyes. "And he doesn't even know how pretty he is, which is the most annoying part!" 

"Wait, so if you guys met during Hyde, did he know what the movie was about?" She asks, and you make an eek face.

"No, and I wasn't going to tell him because I didn't know how serious we were gonna get, but then he showed up to set with me one day, and we were filming the cabin scene-"

"Oh, the cabin scene!" She half-yells, and you laugh. "Dude, when that movie came out, I got asked about it all the time."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Well, everyone knew how close the three of us were, and when the movie came out, people were shocked that I would let my husband do a scene like that with one of his best friends. But Ryan told me he wasn't going to take the part until I read the script and approved or disapproved or whatever, but I thought it was just fantastic. Because it wasn't just about this relationship between these two people, it was about the different paths each wanted to take when it came to your character, Amber, being pregnant. Plus, it's just work. It's not like this was a real thing that was happening." She says, and you nod in agreement.

"I remember I got cast first, and then they brought us both in for a chemistry read, and we were like, 'this would be so crazy if we got to be in this movie together,' and then we were. And I think I do recall Ryan saying something about letting you read the script and you encouraging him to do which, thank you, by the way." 

"I didn't do anything except give him a nudge," she shrugs. "Wait, so Joel was there when you filmed that scene?"

"Oh, my God, yeah. I tried to get him to wait in my trailer, but he didn't wanna listen to me. So, he was off in the corner while I'm, like... filming this sex scene, and it was so embarrassing because we had only been dating for a few months at that point. Plus, you're already so vulnerable in scenes like that, but Ryan and Tanya Reid, our intimacy coordinator, were so supportive, so I felt really safe," you explain. "You did a good job with that one." You say, and she laughs.

"Yeah, you too."

[werewolfnat]

I was tagged by @stevesjockstrap and @softasawhisper for the 9 people i wanna get to know better tag game, while they had some different questions but they were also basically the same so i'm combining them 😉

Last song I listened to: Rock You Like a Huricane by Scorpions

Currently Watching: Yellowjackets

Sweet/savoury/spicy: Sweet/Savoury depending on my mood

Relationship status: Forever single ;P

Current obsession: I guess also Yellowjackets? I'm trying to make a kinda yj themed animal crossing island, not that i've got very far with it lol

Favorite Colour: Purple and Foresty Green

Last Movie: i think it was Kiki's Delivery Service, i can't quite remember i've been binging tv shows more than anything atm

Currently Reading: technically D&D: The Druid's Call, but i haven't actually picked it up in months woops

Last Googled: new cabinet ministers uk - i wanted to know what my local mp's new role was in the cabinet, turns out he's the science, innovation and technology secretary

Currently Working On: the gifs for my 4.5k celebration ;)

tagging (no pressure and i'm not tagging 9 people lol): @emziess @buckleydiaz @sidekick-hero @lengthofropes @vinmauro and whoever else wants in

[reileinaxiu]

Finally obtained the elusive volume 7 of TGCF(It was a calamity and a half trying to find it anywhere in any bookstore when I already had volume 8 for ages (3 months). I binged read everything where I left off from volume 4. I'll be rereading at leisure when I have better time.

Warning ⚠️ Spoilers ahead. Go read the book if you haven't.

Anyways I'm here to gush about the weird roller coaster that was TGCF. HuaLian shall forever have my heart when it comes to best romance journey excluding all the weird add-ons and hanger-ons that was the heavenly court and JW's overall mindf*ckery that he calls favor.

Note: no time to quote anything doing this by memory since I've already stashed my books in the depths of the overly cluttered cabinet that is my bookshelf. Some other time.

The giant mecha fight between divine statue XL and the Heaven Capital was so out of field I felt like the book just added a new genre late into the story. But it was awesome all the same I think my favorite part was when HX's bone pets came to their support.

I just can't get over the fact how profound and all-encompassing HC's love for XL is and that clear moment when XL realized HC's identity(WM), that he was seen so completely in not only his highest but also his lowest most self-loathing destructive moments did XL knew that HC is the one and only person who he can wholeheartedly surrender himself to and love. XL also knows that HC is probably the only one who would ever forgive and accept every part of him even the part that he can't forgive and thinks unworthy. HC would probably say there was nothing to forgive in the first place.

HC dispersing after the final battle just broke my heart for XL. 😭 Dear MXTX knows how to write angst and stab in our vitals where it hurts. There reunion was so heartwarming I'm running out of appropriate adjectives. They should never been parted like that ever again. I would have loved to see more of their fresh reunion interactions where XL utterly spoiled and gave into anything HC wanted.

The extras were also too funny I could barely read them straight with how mortifying some of it was.😂 Nice to know every divine statue got their partner 🤭😏. Happy to have finished this close to HC's birthday.

I was hoping XL coffin trauma would be addressed at some point but I'm happy we got something in the extras, not as lighthearted as I thought the extras would be 😭

The art in the last volume is the best so far 🥰😍. Anyone else screamed upon seeing the blatant HuaLian kissing and domesticity. I sure couldn't not with my mom in the same room 😅. But I really wanted to, it felt like HC got a hundred times more sexy with his prince taking kisses in his arms 🤭🤭🤭

Too many thoughts on the matter! I'll circle back to this in the future I've still got 2ha, Thousand autumn to follow and I haven't finished MDZS novels to my great shame 🙏😖

Next time my dearies.

[headcannonsindisguise]

If you do TFA, how would Jet twins, jazz and Megatron react to a Female!Human! Reader with Teruhashi’s beauty but Saiki K’s personality?

Good God this one took forever to get to. I really hope this anon is still here!

Now, folks, I don't normally do asks like this mainly because I have the autism the lack of motivation to legit BINGE watch an anime series. So when I saw this ask, and started my night job I went "who are these people??" And saw it was from an anime series about a mind reading boy, I knew I had to watch.

So..uh. Thank you anon for turning me on to this show! May you enjoy these Headcanons! I haven't watched TFA in a hot minute so I hope everyone is in character. (I hope you don't mind that I blended some elements from Saiki K into the writing too!)

My general idea is to have this happen after the Being Human episode, that way the reader can have Saikis mind reading element (since I figure if at one point they became human, a part of that is still in their systems?? Idk)

----------

The Jet-Twins

Surely, when they first landed on earth with Sentinel, they were already curious enough about the humans of the planet, but this was bizzare

The duo ask to hang out with Y/N a lot (because 1. Their a human that is *bizarrely pretty* and 2. They also thought Y/N was..weird

A pretty blunt personality from Y/N not wanting to really hang out, and keep to yourself made it confusing for the two, but does not deter them in the slightest.

They did try to impress you with common human things (like animals) or breaking into a department store to get makeup (to which Optimus caught and scolded both of them) but you didn't seem interested in that.

It took a lot of following around (Saiki K voice: You mean stalking.) to figure out your interests. They simply leave you sweets every once in a while, the occasional coffee jelly..

-------

Jazz

Jazz, also being on the same ship as Sentinel knew that humans had a bizzare side to them. But Y/N seemed..numb? Or cold at the very least

He definitely had to get a closer look (but not too close, he still thinks about Sentinels 'Humans spit slime that corrodes you' comment) but Y/N's demeanor intimidates him a bit

Jazz knew that you had to have a musical side to your icy personality, so he would try and bring random CDs to you that you might like.

It just turned out you liked your space and keeping to yourself, a fact that the JetTwins definitely couldn't understand. So when you did hang, he would keep his distance.

He would comment on how you'd look that day, mainly compliments but asking about clothing too.

He also calls you "One smart human" for the way you seem to know his every thought.

Megatron

Stumbling across a human during a mission that could supposedly read minds was one thing for Megatron.

But having the additional perk of beauty on top of it gave him many ideas on how he could use you to his advantage against the Autobots

Out of ALL the humans he decieved, he enjoyed Y/N presence the most, purely for your sarcastic quips that you'd say to Starscream.

He wouldn't really pry much in your interests, but would ask questions (Food in particular since he never sees Y/N eat anything other than Coffee jelly)

Y/N knows that Megatron is on the "bad guys side", but stays purely for the shenanigans the cons deal with at their base.

[alwaysupatnight]

I was tagged by @astarkey! 🥰

Last movie: The Meg 2

Last show: Doctor Who

Last song: B or C for Effort by Emily Kinney

Song stuck in my head: Lil Boo Thang by Paul Russell

Favorite color: teal and red-orange

Currently reading: White Horse Black Nights by Evie Marceau (it's not that good though)

Currently watching: I started binge watching the nuwho Doctor Who series from the beginning since it'd been forever since I watched it, but I also haven't seen the last few seasons and want to get caught up before watching the new specials with Donna and 14.

Next on your to watchlist: 🤔 idk but there's a ton of anime I need to watch and I'm paying for Crunchyroll this month... maybe Spy x Family or Trigun Stampede

Currently consuming: Arizona Green Tea

Currently craving: Raising Caine's chicken strips and toast 😩

Sweet/spicy/savory: sweet or savory

Relationship status: forever alone ☠️

Current obsession: Clara/11th Doctor... I just think they should make out okay lmfao I'm fully on this bullshit and I'm disappointed they don't have more episodes together

3 favorite foods: hot ruffles chips but they're bad for me 😭 like might even be destroying my intestines so i had to stop eating them. also butter pecan ice cream, and chicken shawarmas

Last thing you googled: PC cases

Dream trip: anywhere in Japan

Anything I want right now: My 10 year old computer suddenly died, so I had to buy a whole bunch of stuff to build a new one this month and there's still more shit i need to get and so yes I would like all my money back pls 😩

I'm tagging @imaginedfables, @bonnielass23, @emilykinncy, @yossariandawn, @tiesthatbind1899, @justjstuff, @sandalaris, @lilmissuncreative, @thespianreveur

[sportsthoughts]

get to know you tag gaaaame

tagged by @timbitshockey <3

do you make your bed? I feel attacked sitting here on my unmade bed. I do try. I am very organised in other aspects of my life. I normally half heartedly fling the covers across the bed to cover it and call it a day. I am a never in the bedroom except to sleep person so I don't really see it until it's time for bed again. And when husband is home he makes the bed very very beautifully and precisely and my efforts are quite pathetic in comparison

what's your job? Professional Feelings Expert. More therapists are tumblr girlies than you'd think. Currently setting up my own practice and doing some various bits and bobs and agency therapy work on the side.

if you could go back to school, would you? Always always! I have to do a lot of ongoing training for work so I think my next thing will either be training in couples work or maybe some nutrition stuff because I'm very interested in the link between mental health and diet atm.

can you parallel park? I have a driving license that says yes but I have not sat behind the wheel of the car since... 2019? 2018? I am quite a liability on the road and have been Banned from driving Mr sportsthoughts' car because I have been known to crash quite a lot. Just as well I like being chauffeured/walking better anyway.

do you think aliens are real? I think there's some bacteria out there somewhere but I don't think it would be life as we'd recognise it.

can you drive a manual car? 99% of people in the UK learn to drive manual and take a manual driving test so they can do both! So technically, yes, I can. I'm not good at it though.

guilty pleasure? Not guilty about it ever but sports! Sports and sports fandom has always been my little 'me time' hobby.

tattoos? Nope! I can't think of anything that I'd like the look of so much I'd want to see it on my skin forever. My taste changes all the time so I would never be able to commit to a design.

favorite color? greens. neutrals. pastels!

favorite type of music? I like a lot of old stuff! 80s stuff, 70s stuff, also currently binge listening to miss swift ahead of the eras tour in London.

do you like puzzles? Jigsaw puzzles? Yes. I find them very soothing. Brain teaser puzzles? No!

any phobias? Spiders. So badly. Anything with lots of eyes. The dark.

favorite childhood sport? Sailing! I sailed competitively until I was about 15 and still get dragged out with my parents a lot. It was an all encompassing family activity that took over basically every weekend of my childhood.

do you talk to yourself? Yes, all the time. I like to narrate my life! Sometimes in conversation with people/myself/man in the sky etc. Often just me talking to me

tea or coffee? Both! One coffee in the morning and probably about 4-5 cups of tea throughout the day. Always English breakfast tea with milk, no sugar

first thing you wanted to be be when growing up? I have never had lofty career aspirations! I have always been quite interested to see where I would end up - and I had quite a roundabout journey getting to my current career! I think I went through the usual phases of wanting to be a popstar or a princess or a mermaid but I never really lusted after work or aspired to grow up and have a job. I still don't lol. I have a very good work life balance and even though I love my job and see it very much as a forever career it is probably the least important part of my life.

what movies do you adore? I have a running joke that I hate watching films I haven't seen before. I am a serial repeater and like to watch the same things over and over. A selection: Lord of the rings - especially the second one Twilight and New Moon Jackass - all of them - Rocky you reminded me of this and whenever people ask about my sense of humour I say "Jackass" and mean it. Live action Cinderella Oklahoma - the stage recording The first three Pirates of the Caribbean White Christmas - perhaps my favourite film ever? Shrek 1 & 2 - another contender for favourite film ever. Any 90s Disney. A Knight's Tale Ferris Bueller's Day Off Hairspray!!! Can't believe I nearly left out Justin Bieber Never Say Never. The first movie I binged watched. That and 1D this is us were on a constant loop when I was a teenager. My poor parents. Tagging @robindrake13 @prettyhockey @icedbatik @coffee-at-annies @cornerihaunt @reavenedges-lies and anyone else who fancies it - feel free to say I tagged you because truthfully I'm nosy and want to know you all

[disfrutalakia]

Biter anon back! For the last time of the week! Yes, it is Sunday, it is the curse of ao3 authors and I didn't even post shit.

Anyway, I bring today not dark 4halo, but 4ever stonkcraft trivia and themes because I somehow watched all the two seasons between the kia post about it and now! And gods... now I understand him more somehow??? Even if his character isn't directly tied to that one but still make my brain worms wiggle.

Because! 4ever themes in both seasons is fucking, rats. He literally picked the focus on the rat mod in the second one lmao, but also funny thing, he calls it rat, but he had a pet Tasmanian devil!(can you imagine him saying that he already dealt with demons before to bad and he gets his rackles raised because what the hell no you deal only with mE-) he also tried to make it the mayor. It did not work but it was funny to watch.

He did at one time sell everything he owned including the love pairing shirt which fuck God he has a historic with messy breakups. Including bribing the guy, brumin didn't accept of course but like... God's the precedent setting.

Surprisingly for me, but forever is as much as bird coded as grian in the first stonkcraft! With the flying around, nesting, attracting macaws and whatnot, makes my brain wiggles and think about griffs and whatnot kk.

Talking about hermitcraft. My dude really gone to doc build with cyborg mods, which I'm now headcannoing that he covered the scars of that adventure with tattoos on his arm and should and belly and gut, what is the themes of the tattoos? I'll get to you if my brain isn't mush.

Also fun fact, he also had an history of fucking hidden warpstones in loved one bases, brummin is suffering the first season with that and the motorcycle kkkk

Also fucking, head in HANDS both seasons 4ever involved himself so much with elections and who is in charge, he also made a voting system in first season... it didn't cause one discord and you could walk back the votes you got, how this is better than that time in qsmp. HOW-

And it is in season two that he goes deeper into character things, and God's the choice of making his character have so many anger issues is mwau! Adore it I want more more more, my guy literally sold his body and blood to brummin to get stronger for a fight over stealing things kkkkkkkkk

And his fucking determination and Lazer focus to get stronger, to get back, to bite back onto the hand that hits, adore it adore it, he is such a fucking fucked up guy, his home was destroyed and he decided to never be normal about anything again.

Also the fucking kidnapping is much more fucked up than I thought???? 4ever pretended to be afk for a whole irl day, can you imagine that in minecraft realism terms. 4ever playing statue as a revolution mocked him and brummin biting him until agony was what his blood was, and doing all of that knowing he was "standing sleeping"? Sooooo fucked my cubito must have the most twisted sense of boundaries ever kkk.

Also yeah, 4ever planted bombs all over the server and made it a bit to threaten people with nuclear fallout, no biggy and all, and his ending did show him going to the moon to save his first pet rat, I choose to believe he did activate all of them in canon and taking that qsmp is mostly directly after stonkscraft that is part his whole complex of seeing himself as a monster and better be shot down and binded than be let rampage free <3333

Thanks for hearing my 4ever ramblings, goodnight until the next week!

Biter Anon!!!

If I tell you that to this day I haven't watched stonkscraft would you believe me? Would I be a fake Forever fan lmao

But also, I'm almost sure he confirmed that his character backstory is tied to both stonkscraft and Forever mapa. So you can get so so much stuff to analyze his character from there.

God maybe that's what I should do on this one month he will be away, binge watch stonks craft so I can truly study him with a microscope.

I love all the trivia you got from it, and yeah his past experiece in there with politics, revolution and violence defintely explains A LOT of his qsmp character.

Biter anon you remain the best one out of all of us. Have a goodnight see you next week <3

[shouldiusemyname]

Thai QL Favorite Tag Game

Oh this is going to be fun! Thank you sm @rocketturtle4 for the tag. I feel special 😄.

Anygay... I got into BL about a year ago when I stumbled upon a Bad Buddy reaction video. I watched the first 10 minutes and my brain lit up. I remember thinking - ok Orya, this is something else. You NEED to go watch this show. Now! and that's what I did. I binged BBS and rewatched it a few times until I felt I was ready to dive into the world of BL. My only other QL media experiences were western so this felt very different.

I do have to say that in addition to watching the shows - being here, reading, and taking part in the discussions around these shows has helped me process some things that I haven't had the ability to do in my day to day life. So, I have great appreciation for the genre as well as the wonderful humans that are taking part in these discussions.

And with that said - shall we...?

Favorite Thai QL - I have to say that for me it's a tie between I Told Sunset About You and 180 Degrees Longitude. Both these shows have managed to touch on some very specific queer experiences, to say very specific to me. These shows have managed to make me cry about my own experience (as opposed to just feeling for the characters). watching these shows was a therapeutic experience for me, and I will forever be grateful to them for it.

(However, I will NOT forgive the translators of 180DL for translating Mol as mom 98% of the time! So if you're watching the show take into account that almost every time the subs say mom - Pond is actually calling her by her name.)

Favorite Pairing - I think my favorite pair is First and Khaotung. They have great chemistry and it's always fun to watch them together. Even in MLC where they hardly interact, once they are together on screen they are ON. I also like the way they talk about their friendship.

Most Underrated Actor - in the wake of the most excellent La Pluie, I will have to give it to Title and Pee. They are seriously good.

Favorite Character - so many to choose from... Why are you making me choose?!

Well, if I HAVE to choose, I think I'll go with Ayan from The Eclipse. He is a menace, he is damaged, he really loves Akk, he really loves his mother, he has a purpose, he will fight for his beliefs. And I am here for all of it.

Favorite Side Character - I'm going with two characters (please don't make me choose)

Chot from Step by Step - in addition to the fact that I simply love him, I think he provides very important rep and allows a discussion about the complexities of being queer in non-queer spaces.

Ink from BBS - she is very real. She knows what's up and she will call you out on your bs. I also think that her presence in Pat and Pran's life gives them perspective. It's like she's there to bounce ideas and feelings off. Especially Pat who comes to her to check himself and his feelings (if this makes sense...)

Favorite Scene in a QL - again, I had to narrow it down to 3 and I can't choose. So 3 it is!

For the family and agenda - The group dinner at Pat and Pa's room with Ink and Pran. first of all I love that they have each other and can have this family time with people they can truly be themselves with. Then, I think the conversation they have around the table is important and offers a glimpse into P'Aof's BL-to-QL agenda.

For the beauty and feels - this! From Not Me

For the personal queer experience - Step by Step and the Jeng Intervention. Jeng sitting in a room having to listen to people discuss his sexuality like he's not even there, talking over his head, othering him and leaving him no room to offer anything to the discussion other than an apology, when actually, bottom line, they want the gossip. Say what you will about Step by Step, but this scene depicts an experience that I haven't seen addressed in other Thai bls.

Favorite Line in a QL - this is the first thing that came to mind 😄

Most Anticipated QL (& why?) - I'm gonna have to go with almost everyone and say Only Friends. Why? Because first, Jojo. Then, I think that this is going to be something very different to what we usually get to see. The fact that this show is allowed to have all the mess + partner switching + gays that are gay and want to be gay with each other? It's a win in my book!

I don't mind that they will probably get together with their 'official' partner at the end, but just the fact that they are allowed to have a queer past (or present) with other characters, that is present on screen, is very different. We get that a little bit with Allan and Wen in MLC and I'm looking forward to seeing this in Only Friends.

Healthiest Relationship in a QL - PatPran hands down. And I feel more stongly about this after the Our Skyy 2 ep. These two are together by choice and that is what will keep them together. They talk about things, they are aware of their issues, and they are willing to listen and compromise for each other. I loved that the OS2 special helps us see how their 2 years separation (on bbs 12) is not such a big deal for them. They know that they choose to be together and that it's not a temporary thing. Therefore, what are 2 years in the long run...

Most Toxic Relationship in a QL - I'm going with a non-romantic relationship here and I have to give it to Wang/sasiwimol from 180DL.

Guilty Pleasure Series - House of Stars! I LOVE this show. It is insane and unhinged and peak soap opera. The subs are only vaguely related to what the characters are saying. People are jumping in and out of each other's beds. I said it before and I'll say it again - I am here for all 4,971 episodes of multiple generations of this hot mess! 😂

Honourable mention (my addition) - I would like to take advantage of this opportunity and thank those without whom all this would not exist:

I've seen many who've already done this, so I hope I'm not retagging. So, if you feel up to it... @nerdybunnydestiny , @syrena-del-mar , @thegalwhorants

[a-case-of-the-ace]

Fic writer interview :D

Thank you @eoinmcgonigal for the tag!!

Welp let's see how this goes. I've been doing the writing thing for a little over two years, I think? Time has flown and I have done... little.

How many works do you have on AO3? 21.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 57,611. None of which have reached over the 12,000 mark.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Something, Old, New, Broken and Blue at number 1, followed by Something Precious, a Bold Beginning, My Soul Says Ouch and Match Made in Vain. The top 3 are for Stranger Things, and the 4th and 5th are for Mafia: Definitive Edition. I reckon the top ones are at the top mainly because they're a bigger fandom.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do, I'm always so happy when I get them, but I worry I sound like a broken record. there's only so many ways to thank someone for reading and commenting, even though I'm overjoyed every time it happens.

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Possibly Ready for Table for Doctor Who's The Two Doctors, since that doesn't end in a good spot for the main character, but the canon story has a good ending, so you know it's going to be ok. Probably Bon Appetit, for Mafia: DE, since it's a dark yandere cannabilism fic.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? That's a tough one, most of mine have happy endings. Possibly My Soul Says Ouch, since the characters spend so long pining over each other before getting together? Also my only polyam fic, (or at least where it's not just implied) so 50% extra love?

7. Do you write crossovers? I haven't, none have really occurred to me. I don't usually read them either, but if it's done well, I'll read it.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Not hate per se, but I did have one commenter who didn't like some things, and told me I could change things, and didn't need to stick to the canon. I quite liked my choices, though, and so did other kinder commenters. I do the fic for me, first and foremost.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Not in anything I've posted, but I'm currently writing a Galavant fic that has some, for angst reasons. I did have a tad in A Bold Beginning, but I danced around the subject so much that I don't think it counts. I'm ace, which I don't think helps much, I'm basing most of it off of what I've read.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope. Wouldn't mind if someone did though.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? Mega tough one. Good Omens got me into it, but I haven't read much of them. Stobotnik, since I only watched the films for them? Two/Jamie? I read a lot of Johnlock, but that was ages ago. Geraskier? I think I just binge a ship and return to it if I really liked it. Depends if the ship's small or big, I guess.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? I had a mermaid!Tommy au I tried to get going for a long while, but kept getting stuck on logistics. An omegaverse mafia fic, an angsty guilt fic, and even a fic for Forever (TV show from 2014). Plus a bunch of ideas that hit while I was writing something else, and I'd lost the fixation by the time I finished. There's still a few sticky notes with ideas in my phone, from inspo at work. I think I get a lot more ideas than I manage to write :(

15. What are your writing strengths? Beginnings. I love nothing more than going "Bang! Here's what's happening." Otherwise, I dunno what my strengths might be. Writing in full sentences for the first draft?

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Hanging on to the motivation to finish a fic. Not using a variation of the phrase "All they could do was hope." Nearly put that in thrice in three chapters by mistake, I'm sure it's getting old. Motivation for sure though, I miss the days when I was writing tropey one-shots, at least they were one and done.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? I haven't really had a need to do it, and would worry about formatting if I did. Closest I've had to this was a heavily accented character, but I didn't really know how to write an accent and so I didn't write it in. Not sure if I'd do it that way again, but it made it easier.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? Mafia: Definitive Edition. Wrote my first fic in one of my last year 12 math classes. Also the fandom that made me switch from looking at tumblr on Pinterest to actually being on tumblr. There wasn't enough content, so I had to go searching, and then make my own.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? Really want to throw my hat into the ring on Wez/The Golden Youth, from Mad Max 2, but the only ideas I have for them are really long. Other ones I've considered writing include Forever, Red Dwarf, Sportarobbie from Lazytown, Johnny/Reg from SAS Rogue Heroes and Jude/Cardan from The Cruel Prince.

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? I'm really liking the Galavant fic I'm writing at the moment, mainly because it's shamelessly self-indulgent. Probably one of my Mafia fics, Chosen by the Life, Choking on my Love or Bring Me Home. It's been a while since I've read my own stuff, this has been a real trip down memory lane.

Desperately trying to remember people who write so I can tag them... I'm so bad at names, if I miss you I'm sorry. And I may not know you at all well so I apologise if you find this weird.

@feline-ranger @iiep-wop @lilies-in-a-vase @somethingaboutamagpie @ihni

[squishmallow36]

It's all I wish to hear tonight, and you're all I wish to be, and this is how we all fall - Chapter five

Summary: The entire spectrum of human emotions. Feel free to complain if you do not experience an emotion while reading this. Also. This is the last chapter so it's a great time to binge read all of them.

Word count: 3091

Tw: major character death, Alvar's associated illness, minor canonical character death, alcohol mention, drugs mention, swearing

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added/removed!): @stellar-lune @faggot-friday @kamikothe1and0lny @nyxpixels @florida-preposterously @poppinspop @uni-seahorse-572 @solreefs @did-i-say-you-could-get-up @rusted-phone-calls @when-wax-wings-melt @good-old-fashioned-lover-boy7 @dexter-dizzknees @abubble125 @hi-imgrapes @callum-hunt-is-bisexual @xanadaus @callas-pancake-tree @hi-my-name-is-awesome @katniss-elizabeth-chase @arson-anarchy-death @dizzeners @thefoxysnake @olivedumdum

Bonus Garvar tags because you haven't told me to stop: @tw-5 @camelspit

On Ao3 or below the cut!

Previous chapter in case you missed it :)

    Garwin spends every spare minute he can searching, searching, searching for the intersection of five rivers. And he has a lot of spare minutes. 

   Alvar takes a lot of naps. 

    The hope of finding it dwindles as time goes on and Alvar keeps declining. It gets to the point that sometimes Garwin is afraid to leave him for a moment to track down a new lead. 

    Soon, Alvar is unable to leave Candleshade, then his bed. His crackling breathing is sometimes the only difference between sleeping and worse--but thinking about that outcome doesn’t do anything to help the situation.     

    Ruy knocks on the doorframe to one of the many studies in Candleshade, entering without permission and sinking into a plush chair across from Garwin. 

     Garwin tries to smile at him. It probably doesn’t work. 

    Ruy’s eyes are rimmed with red, which does pair nicely with the chair. He smiles just as painfully back at Garwin. 

    “Doesn’t his highness need a chaperone?”

    “I needed to talk to you.” Ruy pauses, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. “I know you’re determined to find your five rivers, but, Garwin, it’s been weeks. If you were going to find it, you would have by now. I don’t want you losing your mind over this.”

    Garwin puts his book down and smooshes himself into the chair next to Ruy, wrapping an arm around him and burying his face in Ruy’s hair. 

    Hot tears prickle at the back of Garwin’s eyes. The futility of all of this has been going around in his head for a while and Ruy just put it perfectly into words. “I know. But what else can I do? I don’t want to just watch him waste away if there’s a way I can make it stop.”

    “I don’t know.” Ruy takes his free hand and ruffles Garwin’s hair. 

    “I have one final theory. It’s absolutely batshit but if I don’t try it, then I’m gonna blame myself forever.”

    “This better not turn into a cycle of ‘just one more thing’ and before you know it, it’s been a week and a half.”  

    “It won’t. I promise. I’m out of leads to possible leads after this.” Garwin pauses. “If I’m not back before bedtime for whatever reason, please continue the Chronicles of Timothman. If you don’t, I’ll never hear the end of it.”

    Well, there will be a definite end if--nope. Deny the truth and it doesn’t exist.     

    Ruy nods solemnly. “Hail me if you need anything. I’ll be here until then. And by here I mean this chair specifically. I live here now.”

    “It is a nice chair. Or maybe you’re a nice chair. Either way, I should get going before it gets dark because I’m an old man now and can’t be outside the house after sunset.”

    “Congratulations. Antivampires will now have to be added to the lore of Timmothman.”

   Garwin smiles amusedly. “That’ll be fun.” He kisses the top of Ruy’s head before he stands up, joints singing the song of his people for reasons unknown. It’s certainly not because they hurt, well at least more than the human body simply falling apart because it’s an evolutionary dumpster fire. 

    He ruffles Ruy’s hair before he heads down to find a starlight bottler device thingy. There has to be one somewhere around here, and sure enough, there’s one on the twenty-third floor. 

   Garwin drags it to a window because getting it to the elevator and outside would be more work and starts looking at the night sky for the unmapped stars. 

    ‘Unmapped’ is a tad bit of a misnomer when they’re in the human Hyperion catalog. 

    With the other hand, he holds a star app up to the sky, lining up the shot. It might not be dark out, but the starlight bottler device thingy works anyway. This was discovered after Alvar just fucking forgot he had a project in the Universe and had to scrape it together during his lunch hour. 

    It makes sense because the sun is just a really close star so as long as the sensitivity is adjusted correctly, it still works. 

    And, sure enough, they’re perfectly lined up, just like the calendar in the Alden shit predicted. It might be a funny coincidence or maybe the metaphorical and literal stars are aligning because someone out there wants Alvar to live. 

    Garwin flips the switches and collects the light into a very not official bottle, glowing faintly green.     

    He holds it up to the light before checking that his Nexus is turned on, and steps through the beam of light. 

    The usual feathery sensation of light leaping is replaced by a feeling of being crushed under boulders. It’s also significantly darker than usual, a deep green haze covering the world that stays in the corners of his vision even after he’s spit out at the other end. 

    He blinks repeatedly, trying to clear it, and wouldn’t you know it? It’s Sophie fucking Foster and her doofy friends. 

    Garwin’s hands curl into fists at the sight of Fitz, nails digging crescents into his palms, but he has to stay focused. Unfocus is not an option here. 

    But god fucking damn that kid has taken enough from me. 

    Garwin tears his eyes away from them and takes in the scenery. Specifically the fact that there are several rivers--maybe even five--intersecting. It’s also weirdly quiet. Sophie and co. are talking and not bothering to be quiet but they’re completely silent.   

    Even nature itself is silent, no fluttering leaves making noises, no burbling river. It’s almost as though it’s holding its breath, and so is Garwin, waiting for Sophie and co. to notice him. 

    They have at least one responsible adult chaperone--Vespera--with them, and she does some weird shit to a tree. The world around Garwin flickers like he bonked a force field in the Hunger Games and he hides behind a convenient tree to avoid confrontation. 

    Some sort of illusion probably went down because now Sophie and co. are both able to be heard once again--albeit quieter than expected--and they can see the rivers. There’s also a nice pile of rocks they’ve chosen to comment about. 

    C’mon Sophie, you’ve fucking seen rocks before. Those exist in the human world, believe it or not. 

    Garwin waits and watches the drama as it goes down--from waddling into the rock pile to Gisela deciding to join the party to Vespera getting exploded to some dwarves kidnapping a goblin man to an almost stabbing of Godzilla.

    Sophie must be friends with a psionipath because it certainly isn’t Ruy who takes down the forcefields around their little group as they swarm Godzilla. 

    Unfortunately, a gray-cloaked figure steps out from where they were living under a rock, proclaiming, “My name is Elysian, and I am the power source you are all here looking for.”

    That’s just a tad bit pretentious, one part of his brain thinks.     

    The rest is simply screaming. Mostly screaming about Alvar. The solution is right fucking over there and kidnapping isn’t exactly the most war-crime-y of things Garwin has imagined. 

    He lets out a huff and Elysian, whose only distinguishing feature is a pair of big fucking naturals, turns to him. 

    Garwin leans against the tree, channeling Alvar’s sass as he smirks. “Nice to see you, Sophie. It’s been a while.”

    She looks confused for just a second, her photographic memory failing her. Then she blinks and she’s even more confused, trying to reconcile her worlds colliding. 

    “Hey, Keefster. Nice to see you too. Done any fun running away from your problems recently?”

    Keefe breaks eye contact, finding something interesting on the ground to study while trying to not smile. 

    “How do you know Keefe?” is all Sophie can manage.

    “They were the younger sibling I never wanted back when they were in the Neverseen. Thanks again for making me put up with your hellspawn, Gissy.”

    Gozdilla rolls her eyes. She’s so much like her son sometimes it’s hilarious. Of course, neither should not be told this because they both correctly believe that the other is insufferable.      

    “How the Exile do you two know each other then?” Keefe asks, and it’s difficult to tell if they’re asking Sophie or Garwin. 

    Sophie answers, “he was in my class back when I lived in San Diego. What I can’t figure out is why he’s here.”

    “Well, it has a little something to do with Fitz and a little something to do with troll hives and a lot of something to do with a vague half-baked hope that Ely here can do something to solve all my life’s problems.”

    Garwin hears Alvar’s voice in his mind saying You’re gonna beg that bitch to let you into Yale? He almost smiles. 

    “What did I do?” Fitz demands. 

    “Oh, do you not remember forcing Alvar into a cell in a troll hive? Yeah. He’s my boyfriend. Well, one of them. I’m also dating Ruy if you guys know him. That’s beside the point.”

    Fitz stares at Keefe, locked in a telepathic conversation that’s almost certainly, “did you know this?” “Ye.” “What the fuck.” “What’s it to you?” “You didn’t think of telling me that my brother was dating…him?” “There were bigger issues at hand.”

       Garwin smiles callously. “Thanks a whole metric fuckton, Fitzroy. Really appreciate it.” He turns to Elysian. “So, all-powerful power source. Can you fix him?”

    “I--think so?” she replies, breasting boobily. 

    “Gonna need guarantees here sooner or later, babe.”

    Sophie glances back and forth at her friends at Garwin’s absolute audacity to order Elysian around. Godzilla doesn’t seem too thrilled either. But they can go fuck themselves. They aren’t on anywhere near as tight of a timer as Garwin and he, frankly, would not fucking care even if they were. 

    Garwin shrugs off the tree and begins approaching Elysian, a leaping crystal to Candleshade in hand. It was a home crystal, once. But Candleshade hasn’t been a home in a long time. 

    Ely steps back, deep brown eyes glinting golden in the sunset from behind their hood. “I can’t leave this place.”

    Garwin stops. Nope. Not when I’m this fucking close. “Can’t? Or won’t?” 

    Maybe taunting them isn’t the best idea considering he’s a pathetic human and they’re basically the gray equivalent of the genie from Aladdin. Plus tiddies. 

    But you know what? Let him get blown off the face of the Earth. If saving Alvar means sacrificing himself, then that’s what he’ll do. 

    Elysian looks back at her pile of rocks.

    A wave of calm seriousness, almost desperation, washes over Garwin. “What do I have to do? I’ll give you anything. Just--,” his voice cracks, “--please.”

    “I’m sorry. Maybe if you could bring him here--”

    Garwin holds the leaping crystal up to the light before they get a chance to finish their sentence. 

    It simultaneously takes a year and a half and a quarter of a second to run all the way to their bedroom. Is the elevator broken? Is that why it’s taking so long? Hurry the fuck up you stupid piece of shit technology. 

    He disembarks, finding Ruy in the hallway and time stops. 

    Ruy is curled up against the closed door of their bedroom. His shoulders shake with violent sobs. 

    Garwin’s mind puts together the only answer. Alvar’s gone. Passed away. Dead. The euphemisms can’t disguise the absolute heart-wrenching realization that he’ll never see Alvar again. 

    His knees wobble under him, and he slides down to the floor next to Ruy, too numb to register the door casing digging into his back. 

    Ruy leans into his side, trembling. 

    They hold each other for stars know how long. The sun finishes setting and the stars glitter in the sky.

    Ruy wipes his nose on Garwin’s sleeve, whispering in a voice rougher than gravel, “He’s--he’s gone.”

    Ruy’s words send a spear into Garwin’s already aching heart. He pulls Ruy closer with his free arm. “Can I ask what happened?”

    “When you left, he had been napping all afternoon. I don’t know if you heard him complaining about being cold earlier, but he was freezing when he woke up for dinner. He got up to go to the bathroom and made it back to the door frame. He couldn’t fucking breathe.” Ruy stops, a sob burying his face in Garwin’s shoulder. “I didn’t know what to do.”

    “Oh, honey. I don’t think there was anything you could do. I’m just--I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

    “Don’t be sorry. You were trying to help. I still don’t fucking know what to do now. It was just so sudden. One minute he was fine, or as fine as he gets, and the next he was choking on his own lungs.”     

    Garwin shifts himself into a shaky standing position, helping Ruy get up. “Come on, I don’t want to get stuck on the floor.” 

    They’re probably going to eat ice cream and get drunk until reality no longer feels so claustrophobic. 

    There were also some references in the Alden shit to some elvin plants that sound like they’d be interesting to smoke. 

    Ruy and Garwin collapse into the objectively best couch three floors down and Ruy asks, “How did your expedition tonight go?”

    Cue reality and memory smacking Garwin in the face. “I found the place. And the thing that would’ve theoretically saved him. If I had been just an hour earlier, we would be having a very, very different night tonight.”

    Garwin lets Ruy process that because it’s a lot. Even when you’ve been raised conditioned for the impact of death because it is inevitable when you’re a human, it’s a lot. 

    “Do you still have Gisela’s contact information?”

    “Yeah,” Ruy shifts to pull out his Imparter. 

    “May I borrow that for two minutes or less?”

    Ruy nods, handing it over before swiping a tear off of Garwin’s cheek. 

    Garwin navigates to the unnecessarily hidden texting feature that is obscured by a horrible UI design and lets her know that she and Sophie can fight each other for custody over Elysian. Their services aren’t needed here anymore. 

    She doesn’t reply but it is left on read. Rude but to be expected. 

    Garwin gives it back and bundles Ruy into a boyfriend burrito with the blanket that usually lives on the back of the couch for exactly that reason. 

    “So now what?” Ruy whispers. 

    “Would you like a finale to the Chronicles of Timmothman?”

    Ruy almost smiles, and Garwin takes that as a win. His chest still feels like it has a gaping hole but seeing that glint in Ruy’s eyes appeases it just a little bit. 

    “Let’s see. Where did we leave him? Ah, yes. Kidnapping children as revenge. Not at all because their parents were pieces of shit. Just because his home village no longer exists doesn’t mean there aren’t more fucked up villages nearby. In doing so, he’s incidentally adopted, like, a dozen children. Most of them aren’t older than five.”

    “Oh, stars,” Ruy whispers, terror apparent in his voice.

    “And all of them are ankle biters of chaos. Because they’re five. That’s just how that works. So now instead of having a nice, fulfilling life with his boyfriends, instead he gets to herd cats all day. “

    “We should get a cat.” 

    “Put it on the list. Those parents were none too thrilled with the magic tricks of their disappearing children, and, eventually, when a child of one of the members of the higher class--I don’t know how village governments work. The guy’s like ten cents richer than everybody else so he’s basically their god aside from the Christianity they’ve inherited by virtue of being vaguely based on nineteenth century Germany.”

    “Would their currency be measured in cents then?”

    “I don’t know and I don’t care and I don’t want to find out. You get the fucking point. This guy’s kid gets kidnapped and well this can’t stand so I guess we’re going to have to venture into the evil bad forest to go find him. Side note: the town believes the kid simply wandered away because there can’t be any child stealing monsters in the forest. But it is also evil. Don’t ask.”

    “Sounds perfectly accurate. Unreasonable, but accurate.”

    “Yeah there’s a whole mob that goes into the forest. Nobody wants to deal with them and they don’t find jack shit. One guy in the mob wanders off never to be seen in the village again. He joins the Erlkönig polycule.”

    “Honestly, goals.”

    “I know, right. I feel like the new guy needs a name.” Garwin pauses, thinking. 

    “Is it too soon to name him Alvar?”  

         Garwin’s breath hitches. It’s probably way too soon but the themes. The narrative demands it. He almost starts crying again. “That’s perfect. Alvar lives a wonderful, luxurious life in der Erlkönig’s castle with Timmy and some other people that weren’t important enough to receive names. And they all lived happily ever after. It’s said, to this day, that if you go wandering long enough in the woods and you’re deemed worthy of finding them, eventually you’ll stumble upon der Erlkönig and his castle.”

    “I’ve lived in the woods for many years. Checkmate.”  

    “Either they weren’t looking for new members or it was the fact you joined the Neverseen at fifteen and that would’ve been a fucked up relationship dynamic if you had found them.”

    “I could’ve been an ankle biter.”

    “You were already nine when you were banished. That’s four years too ancient. You’d be a menace for someone’s kneecaps by that point.”

   “Yeah, I guess. Now I get to be a menace to society.”

    Garwin smiles, pressing a kiss to Ruy’s forehead. 

    As he begins to drift off to sleep, the cold emptiness where Alvar is supposed to be curled against his other side is notably, eternally missing. And there’s no replacing him. 

     But wallowing isn’t going to solve this, so the only option is to move forward. 

    Ruy suddenly jolts awake. “Wait, I forgot to tell you.”

    Garwin makes an interested noise. 

    “Alvar made me promise to let him tell you, but now…that isn’t exactly plausible. But, it turns out, with enough bribery and some too-long essays and definitely not forged recommendation letters, you’ve been accepted into Yale.”

    It takes a whole second for Garwin to process this. It takes another whole second for him to stop mentally screaming and come up with a coherent response. Even if that response is kissing Ruy. 

    The future isn’t going to be easy, and it’s certainly unknown. But he’s got Ruy. And that’s what matters.