#i haven't had a lunchable in years

[thesettinghorizon]

The urge to buy foods you ate and drank as a child even though the price ain't even worth it

[hellscape-halogens]

WELCUM 2 HELL!

Hey I'm Sal. I had an old blog on here but lost access, so I started a new one. I am going for complete anonymity this go around, but I will tell some true to life stuff here sometimes. Though I might litter it a bit with fictitious occurrences ✨just 'cause✨, so regard me entirely as a fictional character.

It's the internet. EVerything is fake. Nothing is real.

About Sal Geiger

I'm mid-20s, I like grunge, and being a bastard (affectionate).

4 bands/artists I like:

My Chemical Romance

YUNGBLUD

Cavetown

Lil Peep

4 colours i have dyed my hair:

black

blue

red

blond

3 facts & 1 lie:

I have vision and balance problems which frequently cause me issues in my day-to-day life

I have three cats (they are loud bastards and I love them)

I have a crippling fear of the dark and cannot sleep without a night light

I spend an ungodly amount of time each day playing My Singing Monsters

4 safe foods:

chicken nuggets

cheese pierogis

pizza lunchables

Kraft Dinner™ macaroni and cheese

4 favourite movies:

Jim Henson's The Labyrinth

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

The Black Phone

The Crow

I also have some tattoos and piercings, and I haven't cut or dyed my hair in over a year so my hair is about to the middle of my neck, and the tips are a faded seasick green from the last time I dyed my hair blue.

I frequently have to read things with an eyepatch or one eye closed because of binocular vision disorder, and I am possibly dyslexic.

I use he/him pronouns exclusively, and I am trans-positive/affirming, and I am also a gay man who supports the ENTIRE community, so exclus and TERFS can go fuck themselves.

I am not a man of mystery, I am a bastard of balls-to-the-wall buffoonery.

Pleased to meet you, don't forget my name.

[wanderinglotus7]

#BodyAcceptance

I haven't thought about weight loss until recently. Since I had my surgery, I've been unintentionally losing weight. I'm not complaining, but I don't want to be careless and turn around to gaining the weight back. The week before surgery I weighed 191lbs. On 9/20 I weighed 184lbs. So I lost 7lbs at this rate I can loose even more weight before Thanksgiving. My next goal is to loose 9lbs, so I'll be 175lbs by the end of 2024.

Reflecting on my overall weight loss journey, I believe I've been on the right track. I was at my highest weighing 195lbs in November 2022. At that time I was unaware that I had problems with my cortisol levels. I thought my rapid weight gain stemmed from PCOS because rapid weight gain is a symptom which is also a symptom of Cushing's disease which is related to cortisol and I was diagnosed with Cushing's June 7, 2024. I knew there had to be something else going on with me than eating poorly and being less active.

From 2022 to 2024 I lost a total of 11lbs which isn't bad because Dr. Tsai wants me to loose at least a total of between 12lbs-15lbs. The 12lbs-15lbs was a year goal set by Dr. Tsai (PCP). So, if I stick with my goal of being 175lbs by the end of the year, I will reach this goal. I would've loss 20lbs in 2 years. I know other doctors would say I need to loose more weight. However, they don't have to live in my body.

My goal is to be between 155lbs-150lbs. I'm comfortable with being that size considering my family's genetics and my history with Bulimia. Walking on this daunting journey, I could've relapsed and fell into my old disordered eating habits. I'm proud of myself for not relapsing. Maybe this is another reason why I attended Boston College. During my first year at BC all classes were virtual because of COVID-19.

I think on a random day, I was browsing through the college's various clubs and activities. Then I found The Body Project which helped me to recovery from Bulimia. The Body Project is a group-based intervention program for girls & women to confront unrealistic beauty ideals and develop healthy body through verbal, written, and behavioral exercises. From the 4th grade to my college years, I've struggled with my body image and self-esteem. Going through early puberty didn't help either. My weight became a BIG concern for me because I badly wanted to attend FAT CAMP (I was in elementary school). Ridiculous right!

Like a wine tasting, I dabbled in a little bit of everything until I decided that Bulimia was my niche. From middle to high school I downplayed my eating disorder and kept it moving. I was tired of doctors telling me and my mom that I was overweight and needed to loose weight. They didn't understand, I was a highly active individual playing multiple sports and spending most of my time outdoors. My mother provided me and my brother the best healthy foods as possible as well as allowing us to eat "kid" food (i.e. hot pockets, lunchables, Captain Crunch, etc.). Of course, these comments came from White medical doctors.

And this is were the disconnect comes to play: Race & Culture. Race is one reason why I couldn't talk about my body image and ED with my 2021-2022 therapist (she is a slim Yt woman). I felt like I could never win because I didn't have the 'ideal" body that is accepted in mainstream [Yt] society and I felt like I didn't have the "ideal" body that is accepted in Black America. The rise of social media increased my insecurities especially when I went off to college. Social media really popped off for me when I attended Bridgewater College.

Instagram was my App. I thought I found inspiration and empowerment. Instead I found myself in a constant state of comparison. I didn't realize IG was negatively impacting my mental health. The height for being slim thick was between 2015-2018 for me. I tried to model myself after Kylie Jenner, Jordyn Woods and a few IG models aka IG Baddies. I embodied the Baddie aesthetic outside of my student-athlete persona. Trying to look like Kylie Jenner was dumb; hello, she ain't BLACK and she had cosmetic procedures done to obtain her look.

I dressed like a Baddie to an extent. I wore high-waisted bottoms, crop tops & cropped hoodies, skinny jeans, leggings, bralettes with flannels or jean vests, regular hoodies, sneakers, wedges, and combat boots. I rocked my box braids and afro. At 27, I'm slowly going back to that style because I'm taking over my personal life. Still keeping it cool and casual. In the depths of my ED, images of slim thick plagued me. I hated my body because I couldn't look like the Nicki Minajs of the WORLD.

Then something clicked! I had to do the inner work to learn how to accept, appreciate, and love myself. I was already receiving individual counseling, next was deleting the bad/unhealthy influences on my IG. Good-bye Kylie Jenner!! You won't be missed. Sometime in 2018, I began my journey towards self-love. I was also riding a high from the news of me going to Thailand in 2019. Thank you Stacey for introducing Lizzo to me. Lizzo helped me learn about Body Positivity & Body Neutrality. Fast forward to the Body Project.

A group approach was best for me addressing and healing from my Bulimia. The Body Project provided me with space to be open with my body image issues and I didn't feel like an oddball. I was different from the others but the group was diverse. When I looked at my screen I didn't see digital space filled with slim nor Yt young women. It's been 2.5 years since I had my last binge and purge episode. Though I'm in recovery, I'm still working on myself every day. I LOVE ME!!!!

[bringerofworlds]

rant on american healthcare under the readmore

so let's imagine you're me / a regular american person and you pay like $200-$300 monthly to have health insurance (like you're legally required to). it's bigger than any of your other bills as a single person and, if you don't have a car payment, it's prolly the most expensive monthly bill after rent and groceries. (you know, the big stuff, food and shelter.)

So you pay your $200-$300 cuz it's the plan you can afford. So you only pay for doctor copays (if they're in-network and they won't tell you who is) and small fees for medication, like, $10.

except every single fucking time you go to get a prescription - not even a NEW one, one you've been filling every month for your whole life – a doctor has to send a "prior authorization" to some poor fucker who works for your health insurance company who gets to say whether or not you need the medication. and they DENY IT. ALL THE TIME.

That's the reason I haven't been on my asthma inhaler for over 2 years, for the medical condition I've had since i was a fucking BABY. some asshat decided I didn't need it and that they wouldn't pay for it, even tho we PAY FOR HEALTH INSURANCE EVERY SINGLE MONTH.

Now i can't even get my fucking ADHD medication because that same fucker has just decided that even though I've been evaluated by two different psychiatrists, I don't need the medication they both say I do. And now I have to pay $50-$100 for those 30 pills WITH A COUPON because the insurance that costs like $250 a month won't do shit about it. And to make matters worse, every pharmacy doesn't have it because the FDA has decided I'm an addict and to punish me for the brain they gave me by not regulating shit that gives everybody and their mother an attention deficit disorder. Can't deal with lead in the lunchables but you can ban people from getting the meds they need to take care of their own lives.

all health insurance executives should be [redacted] in the [redacted] and their [redacted] should be [redacted] through the [redacted] as a fucking warning to anyone who aspires to break society this badly with their profiteering.

[the-invisible-queer]

OK so off of the top of your head, do you know any other relatively obscure stuff they've done?

Off the top of my head is ROUGH

Also "obscure" is subjective because during the original fixation I never had cable so every performance I got to see was obscure because I had to HUNT on Yahoo Music, Google videos and YouTube (which wasn't owned by Google) yet.

Nick has said he enjoys writing country music. Hes written for Thomas Rhett and he wrote a Christmas song for Shania Twain - don't ask me for the songs because I don't have them at the top of my head

Which AGAIN when am I getting my JB country album?

Nick was on Broadway when he was a kid

Joe wasn't on Broadway but he did do theater as a kid

They've done so many weird obscure comercials

Before the band:

Nick with the Chuck E. Cheese commercial

Joe and Kev in the Burger King comercial

Kev did a commercial for something I cannot remember but I know I've seen the commercial which means Kev is probably the first Jonas I ever saw

And many more that I can't think of and some I probably have never seen - they've been in showbiz for a WHILE

After the band:

They did random commercials. I just saw one with Mama J taking the helm. It was for something similar to Lunchables.

They sang the National Anthem at the White House several times once for the Easter Egg Roll, then for "Celebrating Women in Sports Tee Ball"

They performed at Miss Teen USA

Co-presented an award to Miley at the TCA

The trio co-hosted either the KCA or the TCA one year and Nick has hosted on his own a few times I think

They did a lot of private party performances

SO MANY MALL PERFORMANCES

They performed at my local mall in 2006 and I'm upset I didn't know because I could have met them

I could have been one of the OG stans they still recognize to this day

THE MOST OBSCURE WILD OUT OF POCKET

White man Nick Jonas performed at the Latin Grammys

I still haven't watched the performance

I don't know what song he could have possible performed

But that is a thing

I'll gladly claim Nick for the Latinos

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #174

The last time you ate leftovers, what was it that you were eating? Uhhhh maybe pizza?

What is your favorite board that you've made on Pinterest? there's zero fucking way i have a board that's just pictures of 50-60-y/o band members hell no no way

Do you get on Facebook or Instagram more? I CHECK Insta more, but I'm scrolling Facebook longer.

What was the last thing you ate or drank that was blue raspberry-flavored? Mountain Dew Voltage, but it's actually been quite a while since I had that one specifically, they're apparently really rare now and people are selling them for a fortune lol

What is one annoying thing your computer does? I hate when it randomly restarts over some error. It doesn't happen often, it's just annoying when it does.

What was the last song you listened to? "Black Wedding" by In This Moment & Rob Halford.

Have you discovered any new hobbies in the past couple months? No. It's seldom I discover new hobbies, honestly...

What's the wildest animal you've ever come in contact with? Well, define "contact;" I can read this as the wildest animal I've physically touched or just seen, and "wildest" can be taken in more than one way. The most surprising animal I've physically touched was a tarantula I guess, but the animal I've been most surprised to see in the wild was a mink, I think, and I didn't even get a good look at it. I'm not including zoo animals in this.

Do you trust your doctor? I trust my primary care physician, even though him being a man makes me slightly uncomfortable; he's a good doctor though that I've been with a good while so it's fine. I don't really have a relationship with my psychiatrist or worst of all therapist, honestly... Both my mom and I really hate the place I have to go to for insurance reasons, but I need SOMEbody in this department so we have no choice.

Do you ever question if your mother loves you? Absofuckinglutely not, I know she loves me with her whole heart and I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have that going for me.

Do you ever feel scared or unsafe around your dad? Not... really anymore, but at the same time, due to past experiences but also horrific nightmares about him, I can sometimes be uneasy if I'm with him and just him, even though I do know in my core he's no threat to me, got a pretty good feeling he'd protect me with his life. Maybe.

What is your favorite type of Lunchables? Absolutely nothing beats the nachos one.

Do you have someone you feel completely safe around? My mom and Girt.

What church do you go to? I don't attend church.

Are any of your siblings' friends like family to you? Basically yeah, in Allison's case. She's my younger sister's best friend/former housemate, and she's involved in some family events, like Ashley's kids' bdays. She was Ryder's very first crush lol, it's still a joke in the family how in love with her he's always been.

Do you have any friends who you exchange memes with? Lol Girt and I do this ALL the time, this is daily shit. Occasionally I will with Tez and Mazzy.

What was the last photo you took? It was Cookie all curled up looking cute as shit on Girt, she loves him. I could tell she was so ready for bed, lol.

Are you in any Discord servers? How often do you use them? I'm a member of literally one, the WoW Secret Finding Discord, but I haven't even clicked on its tab for like, years. I'm just in it if I ever feel like rare mount hunting with help.

Have you ever had to see an emergency vet after hours? Hmmm, I don't THINK so.

When was the last time you sat under a blanket on a couch? A few days ago with Girt.

Can you bite into ice cream or are your teeth too sensitive? I can now that I've had that one wisdom tooth with a really severe cavity taken out. It made nearby teeth agonizingly sensitive; the wisdom tooth itself didn't hurt, but apparently cavities that severe can radiate pain into other teeth, and holy fucking shit did it.

Do you like snowy winter days or do you prefer rainy days? I like snow much more! We don't get it all that much here, we often have a year without any, so I really enjoy it when it happens.

Do you know anyone who doesn't have a middle name? My boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure it's because he's a junior. His sister has a middle name, so.

What was the last thing you complained about? Probably cravings, it's that time of the month and I get really annoyed when my body desperately wants shit it doesn't need.

What celebrity irritates you the most? Elon Musk is up there, he's such a fucking arrogant asshole. I don't think there's one celebrity in specific that I REALLY hate though, the ones that annoy me in general are billionaires that do nothing beneficial for the world and instead hoard wealth. Actually wait, Donald Trump is 200% the top celebrity that I despise, like I would literally have given my life for this shithead to never have been in a position of influence. I like to forget he exists & kinda just did lmfao.

Have you ever watched the Superbowl all the way through? On my 16th birthday, yes; I was at Jason's place, and his dad was a ginormous Giants fan, so I sat out in the living room with the family. I had zero interest in it and was definitely bored, but I was just happy to be involved with my then-boyfriend's family.

Would you like to know the exact date of your death? Absolutely not.

What's on your to-do list for today? Nothing, really. I'm incredibly tired.

Do you know anyone who's been bitten by a snake? I might, idk.

Are you excited for Halloween? I always am, haha. Even if I don't really do anything anymore, I enjoy the vibe. I'd like to maybe do something with Girt this year though, like maybe a haunted hayride or something.

What makes you smile or laugh no matter what? My boyfriend for sure, it really doesn't matter what mood I'm in, he can get both out of me like it's nothing.

Do you prefer strawberries or cherries? Strawberries by far, they're my favorite fruit, meanwhile I despise cherries.

Biggest insecurity? My weight.

Have you ever had braces? Yes, I did for a longer time than I should've because we couldn't afford to get them off so some teeth on my bottom row overcorrected a tiny bit.

Do you feel awkward using public transportation? I certainly would if I actually took it; I don't take taxis, buses, trains, etc.; the only experience I've had with public transportation were plane rides, and I do in fact feel very uncomfortable walking down the aisle to get to my seat. Well I actually did take an Uber for the first time ever with my mom recently, but that's one, single, very brief experience in all of 27 years.

Describe your mom with one word. Selfless. To a fault.

Would you rather bake a cake or cookies? Cookies seem a lot easier.

What curse word do you use most? Almost certainly "fuck" of some form.

Were you always one of those kids who got in trouble with everyone around? No, I very rarely caused trouble as a kid.

When was the last time you took a nap? Did it relax you any? Today actually, and yes. I initially woke up too early.

Honestly, do you see yourself as a slut? Not at all; I am extremely selective with who I'm even remotely sexual with, but I also don't slutshame. Consenting adults can do whatever the hell they want with other consenting adults that are informed about any issues you may carry. I also aggressively encourage you be upfront about your goals relationship-wise; don't want something serious? Say it immediately. Not into only sole partnerships? Say it, immediately. You get it. Be honest and real about what you want.

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yeah.

What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever been through? The traumatic breakup of my first real relationship.

Do you like fast food or does it disgust you? Dude I'ma be real, fast food is some of my favorite stuff lol, I know that's an extremely unpopular opinion, but whatever. I still certainly avoid it though just for health reasons; I'd say we get someone out maybe just once a week.

Who was the last person you kissed? Girt.

What’s your favourite alcoholic drink? Sangrias.

Do you like the smell of BBQs? I actually really do, even though I dislike the food at most barbeques. Hamburgers and hotdogs are fine, but barbeque chicken, pulled pork, and stuff like that is where I'm out. Southern barbeques ain't for me.

Do you crash on people’s sofas often? Uh no, I've never done that.

Do wasps scare you? Yes, I really don't like how aggressive they are, and that stinger is too long okay.

Have you ever worn flip flops in the snow? lol sure have, but never in even remotely heavy snow. It was only ever to like, leave the house and get in the car though; I wouldn't wear flipflops for an extended period in snow.

Has anyone ever told you that you & your significant other could be siblings? Have they ever assumed you were siblings? Not my current one, no; we look pretty different. It was a joke with my mom that Sara and I were basically twins when we dated, but I don't think anyone ever actually thought we were.

Have you ever heard people having sex in the next room? Pretty positive yes. It was in the apartment when just me, Jacob, and Amanda were home, Jason was probably at work I guess, and from the living room couch I heard Things happening behind me lol

Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? No, I absolutely fucking despise them and their whole premise.

Have you ever lost your voice? Yeah, most recently when I had Covid some time last year. My voice was gone for quite a long time.

Museum date or aquarium date? Aquarium.

Did you ever have an emo or scene phase? Haha you know it.

Name a subject you know a lot about. I probably know most about meerkats, or Silent Hill stuff.

Most embarrassing poster you’ve ever owned? I don't think I've had one I'd be embarrassed by.

Could you see yourself having a child with the last person you kissed? Yeah I could, but it's not something we want to do in the foreseeable future.

Who is your favorite person to have random conversations with? Girt, I love learning new stuff about him.

Who was the last person to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable? My mom, literally like an hour ago. She said something not realizing the topic is one I'm self-conscious about. I was really upset over it for a few minutes.

What are you known for? Most likely as the lazy deadbeat kid.

Which of the guys you’ve been interested in hurt you the most? Idk if I've mentioned a "Jason" before in these????????????

Do you know anyone who is engaged? Yes, my high school friend Kelly recently got engaged to her long-time boyfriend, and I'm stoked for her. She's been so in love with this guy and she deserves the world.

What is your relationship status on Facebook? In a relationship with Girt, but pending after nearly two years lmao. It's not something he hides or anything, he just barely touches Facebook and by now the notification would be buried under like, hundreds of others, because at some point he ticked some setting that notified him when I merely post anything, and with how much shit I share, he's never finding it lol. I would only be bothered by this if it wasn't for the fact his behavior fully shows we're together, and how he acts toward me doesn't change in front of others.

What are you listening to? I'm watching/listening to WoolieVS' LP of Dark Souls.

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? What a mudslide drink is, actually for that earlier question. I had something like that at Sara's place years ago and it was fuckin magical lol, but I never asked what exactly it was, but that one seems the most likely.

Ever been kissed on the leg? Uh maybe? I can't remember a specific occasion though.

Last person to hear you cry? Either Mom or Girt probably, idk.

What do you think of the term plus-sized in modeling? Is it empowering or demeaning? It's demeaning as fuck; modeling is modeling. By adding the descriptor of "plus-sized," you're indebatably making it sound like the person isn't a real, ideal model.

Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? Absolutely not entirely on my own, no. By now I really want to live with Girt, but without a source of income, I'd be very uncomfortable relying on him, even though he's told me he doesn't care. I care. I already fucking hate relying on the person that gave birth to me.

Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No, not that I know of.

Are you friends with someone who’s autistic? My niece is, and I'm fucking finally getting evaluated for it myself at the end of this month. I, along with my mother and others that have watched me grow up, are very confident I have high-functioning Asperger's.

Have you ever had a Bic Mac? No, I'm not into lettuce on burgers, so it's a no by default.

Have you ever been to a convention? (comic, YouTube, etc.) I went to a reptile one/NARBC with Sara once, and I loved it, even though I struggled quite badly with my legs. I'd love love love to go to another, once my legs are a little bit better!

What is the biggest difference between you and your best friend? I'm way more emotional, while Girt is a very practical person. He has emotions, I've seen them, but he's much more in control of them than I am.

[queer-jew-writes]

Sometimes the things I enjoy feel like a chore

Holding a pencil over a blank sheet and my hand shakes and my heart aches

There should be something there, it has been 15 minutes, I toss it aside still a blank sheet

The show that I obsessed over for weeks plays on netflix in the background

Netflix has asked me three times if I am still watching and three times I have lied

I do not know what episode I am on and I do not know what I've missed

I haven't looked up from the shitty aesthetic pictures on tumblr since the last time that netflix asked me to

I have not went to the bathroom, drank an ounce of water, or eaten anything in 9 hours

I have left my bed once today when I woke in the morning, if you can even call 2pm the morning, to go to the bathroom and grab what will probably be my only meal of the day, a child's nacho lunchable

I keep the fridge stocked with them for the weeks where a cooking a 3-minute microwave meal is the same as running a 12k

I have never even ran a mile and there's a good chance that trying would leave me dead on the asphalt

Maybe if I'm lucky I will make it to the bathroom again before I roll over in my bed, light still on, phone unplugged, wearing 8 day dirty clothes, and worry my way into a not restful sleep

I am living proof that it's possible to sleep for 15 hours and wake up more tired than before

The park that I once loved is a 5 minute drive away, the place I like to sit is a 5 minute walk from my car

I could spend 10 minutes sitting in the park, for a grand total of 30 minutes of my day, 1/48th

But I have not been outside in a year, that is not an exaggeration

I have been from my porch to my car, and from my car to the store or doctor and from the store or doctor back to my car and from my car back to my porch but I have not seen the sun

My skin is three full makeup shades lighter than normal and 4 or 5 shades lighter than me in the summer

My doctor put me on the highest dose of vitamin d she has ever prescribed, said I was close to serious serious complications, told me I quite literally had the lowest levels she had ever seen

I almost cancelled that appointment because I didn't already know where my shoes were, I hadn't showered since two weeks earlier, sprayed myself with enough axe to smell like a middle schooler on the football team, and silently hoped that she couldn't tell that I smelled like death

I did not shower for another week, a grand total of 23 days, before my grandma threatened to dumb a 5 gallon bucket of soapy water on me in bed

If you've met her, you'd know she's a crazy enough bitch to do it, love her with all my heart, but it doesn't change the fact

I pulled myself into the shower, stood for 45 minutes under the water before I found the motivation to actually shower, put on a shirt, wrapped a towel around my waist and went back to my room where I passed out in a wet towel half undressed

My friends text me

Are you okay

Hope you're doing well

Miss you

Worried, text me back when you can

These are people I would die for, people that I love

But I do not answer, the guilt of making them worry almost overpowers the overwhelming feeling that all of my relationships are meaningless but ultimately

20 deleted messages turn into a thumbs up and heart emoji

It's like I've already used all of the joy I'll be given in this life time, I know where I've spent it but I don't know when I will be getting paid again

Sometimes the things I enjoy feel like a chore

The box of embroidery thread sits beside me, fabric hooped in my hands, needle threaded, design stenciled, and I can force a couple of stitches

But

I feel like I'd rather get them

[waitingforminjae]

wait I remembered I had lunchables that I bought at the store 😭

[salvadoerena]

Hamster, ferret, and chicken!

hamster - what’s your favourite sport?

Anything swimming or paddleboard related! I was in lifeguarding for about five or seven years, and I absolutely loved the swim relays and paddle relays. I got kicked in the face a couple times and almost got tangled up in seaweed but it was all in good fun lol

I would also say kayaking, but I haven't actually done it as a sport-sport yet haha

ferret - what’s one thing you cannot stop buying?

Lunchables. Pepperoni/Cheese pizza lunchables. And taco bell. And tokidoki mermicornos/unicornos.

chicken - favourite cake flavour?

Funfetti!! Also anything lemon-y/raspberry tarty deliciousness. Gingerbread too!! I used to work at a gourmet cupcake shop, so I had a lot of time to try out different flavors! I also realized I'm not like the hugest fan of cake lol. Like it's good, but I'm a one-slice-and-done kinda gal. Also no frosting. The less frosting the better.

Peanut putter and chocolate is also good! So if marble cake. Red velvet is tasty, and I liked out snickerdoodle and cookie dough. Our strawberry was surprisingly good! But typically if it's fruity without being tart, then it's just too sweet for me. Caramel is good but only if it's salted. We also had a breakfast cupcake which was delicious--it legit tasted like bacon and pancakes.

Basically, sweet is okay but it needs something to cut it or I can't eat it, haha.

[lancetuckershairgel]

Summary: Chris and Lily have lunch together and Chris and Erin discuss Lucy's situation.

Words: 1,535

Warnings: child neglect, emotions

Tag List: @jobean12-blog @book-dragon-13 @southernbell91 @marvelgirl7 @buckysforeverprincess @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @buckysteveloki-me @msruchita @mycupoffanfictionreplies

Tuesday finally came and Chris had never been so ready to get to work as he was that day. Instead of spending the weekend relaxing Chris worried about Lucy. He woke up early Saturday after a night of restless sleep and staked out the local food bank. He hoped Lucy would show up but when it closed there had been no sign of the girl. He drove around town hoping he'd be able to find her but nothing turned up. He had even checked the station to see if she'd been picked up for hitting up another gas station. Nothing. 

As soon as he got to his office Tuesday he called Erin. After a few rings she answered. 

"Hey, I need a favor."

"Okay, I'll try." Erin said then Chris could hear her order her coffee. He tapped his fingers against his desk as he waited for her to finish. "Sorry, what's up?"

"I need an address. Lucy."

"Is something wrong?"

Chris explained what had happened on Friday night and Erin sighed. 

"I'll text you as soon as I get in. I'll talk to her."

"Thanks Erin, good luck."

"You want to meet for a drink tonight? I know it's a weekday but we should talk about this."

"I agree. Six okay?"

"Good for me."

Chris hung up and went about his day. He tried to get his mind off of Lucy by interacting with the students and stay busy but he couldn't seem to focus on his given tasks. Around noon Chris went into the lunchroom to grab a slice of pizza. The cafeteria ladies greeted him with flirtatious smiles and he blushed and attempted small talk. He was used to the under the radar advances from his female coworkers, the price of being handsome his mother always told him, even the vice principal had made a pass at him just last week. He normally laughed it off and occasionally flirted back but he was in no position to start a relationship. He wasn't in the right head space that day and was completely oblivious when the cashier had basically asked him out when she made a comment about knowing a really good pizza place in the next town. 

When Chris exited the line he scanned the room for a place to sit. His eyes fell on Lily. She was wearing the same purple sweater she wore every day and she was sitting by herself. Her hair was a bit unkempt and she looked tired. Chris made his way over and sat across from her. 

"Hi Lily. Do you remember me?" 

Lily looked up and instantly brightened at the appearance of her playground friend. 

"Hi!" She frowned, her small lips poking out into a pout "I forgot your name."

"Chris." He chuckled 

"Chris!" Lily repeated with a nod "Why are you sitting here?" 

"Well, I saw you sitting alone and I didnt want to sit alone so I thought we could eat lunch together."

"Okay." Lily seemed satisfied with that answer and went back to looking at her unopened lunchbox "No one ever wants to sit with me."

"Why not?" Chris asked as he took a bite of his pizza "You're great company."

"I never have any cool snacks to trade. Just yucky crackers." Lily paused then leaned across the table and whispered "but today I have a surprise! Don't tell anyone cuz I don't want to trade." 

"What kind of surprise?" Chris whispered back, his eyebrows raised and eyes wide with equal excitement for Lily 

Lily opened her lunch box and as she was pulling out a small baggie Chris looked inside to see a half eaten cheese stick that looked too soft to be safe to eat and a small pack of crackers. Lily opened the bag and exposed three small pieces of broken chocolate. 

"Chocolate!" Lily continued to whisper with a bright smile 

"That's a very cool snack. I wouldn't want to trade either."

"Do you want a piece?" Lily picked up one and held it out to Chris 

"No but thank you. You eat your chocolate and enjoy it." 

"Okay." Lily popped the piece in her mouth "I got a whole bar on Friday and I've been eating little bits at a time because I wanted it to last."

"Good idea." Chris nodded and glanced at her lunch again "Did you already eat your sandwich?"

"I didn't have a sandwich."

"Lunchable?"

Lily shook her head. 

"No just this." 

Chris frowned. That wasn't an appropriate meal for a five year old. 

"Do you want pizza?"

"They don't let me get any because I don't gots any money." 

Chris frowned harder. He hated the county's lunch system and the way they denied kids a meal if they didn't have money in their account.  Some of these kids only ate at school. The system was so messed up yet the higher ups only cared about the money, not the benefit of the student. 

"Here." Chris slid his tray across to Lily who blinked up at him with surprise 

"What?" 

"Eat, honey." 

"Thank you." Lily said quietly and began to eat the pizza hungrily, not bothered by the fact that Chris had already taken a bite of it. 

That afternoon Chris left work in a hurry and climbed into his cruiser. He put the address Erin had text him earlier into the navigation system and drove off in the direction he was told. While driving a hundred different scenarios went through his head but none of them were what he saw when he pulled in front of the home.  A two story house with a freshly manicured lawn and a picket fence. Not what he was expecting. He climbed out and got the bag of groceries from the trunk and made his way up the walkway. He knocked on the door and as he waited he noticed a monogramed sign that said "Brookwood". He frowned. A moment later a young woman opened the door. She looked shocked to see a police officer standing on her porch and she shifted the baby that was perched in her arms to the other hip. 

"Can I help you, Officer?" She asked confused 

"Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you Miss but do you know someone by the name of Lucy?"

The woman wrinkled her nose with puzzlement and shook her head. 

"I'm sorry, I don't know anyone by that name."

Chris apologized, feeling a bit embarrassed and defeated. He went back to his car and text Erin. 

"Really? That was what the file said. Maybe they moved?" 

"Maybe. This just keeps getting weirder."

"We'll talk about it at the bar."

At the bar Chris and Erin sat in silence, both taking long sips of their beer as they contemplated Lucy's predicament. 

"She's been fine since you left. I haven't had to pull her out of class and haven't heard anything from her teachers." 

Erin had decided a while back to not tell Chris about the incident in the bathroom with Lucy. It would only make him feel guilty. Erin had tried to communicate and check up on Lucy but she only received silent glares in return. 

Chris told Erin about Lily and the empty lunchbox today and Erin gave a sad shrug of her shoulders. 

"The government is failing these kids and nothing is going to change unless people start speaking up about it." 

Chris agreed and emptied his beer bottle. 

"I just don't know what to do to help them. Not just Lucy and Lily but all of the other kids that are in these situations." 

"You can't save everyone Chris." Erin reached over and took his hand, giving it a comforting squeeze "Follow your heart. You always end up making the right choices." 

Chris gave her a weak smile. The right choice wasn't always the easiest however. After leaving the bar he went to the station. He sat down at the computer and pulled up Lucy's father's file. 

"He's got warrants in four different states including California." Chris text Erin "Mostly drug charges but he's been in and out of jail since he was younger than Lucy. Domestic violence too."

The file had no address and indicated the man's whereabouts was unknown. Chris decided to look up Lucy's name to see if she had a record. Thankfully she had never been arrested but he did pull a file from social services. Normally he'd need a warrant to do so but he didn't have the time to go through the process of putting in the order and waiting for a judge to approve it. Lucy had been in and out of foster care several times, mostly during her father's incarceration for drugs. There was a second file attached to Lucy's and when Chris clicked it his heart fell. There, staring back at him with big brown eyes, was a photograph of a little girl about three years old. There was no mistaking that it was Lily. 

"Lucy and Lily are sisters?" Chris spoke under his breath "Of course they are." 

Chris closed out the program and rubbed his face. He had reached nothing but dead ends but he knew one thing. He had to find those girls. 

[mollydruwho]

My house smells like Lunchable's pizza.