#i haven't drafted something new since spring last year

[finnlongman]

I know it's popular for writers to complain about every stage of the writing process and, believe me, I complain enough about various stages of it, but damn, I've written 19k since last night and right now I love writing so much

[ashxketchum]

MIMATO WEEK 2023 (Random Update)

Note: I haven't been able to write on time as much as I wanted to, maybe by tomorrow I will post my Day 5,6,7 entries but until then I wanted to share something, so here is a prompt I got a year ago that was just sitting in my drafts for no reason! Enjoy 💙💚

Prompt: "Your heart is beating too fast to be close to someone you don't care about."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~ Listen to my Heartbeat ~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Digital World throwing them off track without a warning was something that didn’t make Mimi bat an eyelid anymore, and she was pretty much used to the ground beneath them slipping away in a flash, taking away with it any progress the group had made so far. So of course, she was unamused with the current situation, which was her being stuck in a cave with what looked like a light drizzle falling outside. The funny thing was, that while she couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen rain in the Digital World, what she could remember was that she had never been stuck alone with the blond standing tall at the entrance of the cave.

Yamato had his back to her, as he peered outside, and though Mimi couldn’t see his face from where she was sitting, she knew it was probably scrunched up in a frown as he inspected the raindrops that settled on his hand. She half turned to pass a comment to Palmon and was bitterly reminded once again, that the only occupants of the cave were her and Yamato, and that the whereabouts of their partner Digimon and the rest of their friends were currently unknown to them. She definitely felt anxious, sitting there without Palmon to keep her company or spring into action to protect her if required, and wondered if Yamato too felt a similar unease, though would he answer honestly if she were to raise this question out loud?

Her eyes wandered over to Yamato again, and she was a little taken aback, maybe even slightly jealous of how much the scene suited him. With his pale, yellow hair shining in contrast to the dim, rocky walls of the cave and his lean figure just rightly fitting in the narrow crevice, nonchalantly bathing in the faint rays of light that escaped through the cloudy sky and surrounded him, he looked nothing less than a muse artists would stroke carefully onto their canvases or poets would write sonnets about. She held back a sigh, it was as if the colour blue, or rather the emotion blue, was meant to be embodied by him, and to Mimi that was a feat worthy of being envious over.

“What should we do?” She decided to speak up, as sitting around and admiring Yamato’s perfect features was something that she could do from anywhere, getting out of here and reuniting with Palmon took priority for now.

Yamato turned, and as expected, with a frown on his face he fixed his eyes on her, and she noticed a hint of surprise reflected in them, as if he had not expected her to follow his lead.

Which was something Mimi couldn’t deny either, she was more of a ‘my way or high way’ kind of girl, but when it came to things related to the Digital World, all of them had adjusted to a pattern that was hard to shake off. If something goes wrong, look to Taichi, and if Taichi is not around, turn to Yamato. It was simple and easy to remember, and pretty much the mantra that had managed to keep them all in one piece during their many escapades, even though lately they hadn’t had much of a success with it since both Taichi and Yamato were butting heads so frequently. Mimi was liking this new side of Yamato however, it was different from what she remembered of him from their childhood, and his recent tenacity was something she could relate to and even found herself drawn towards.

“I don’t think we should move about carelessly.”

She raised her eyebrows, well that was unexpected, and even a little bit disappointing. She could’ve expected that kind of statement from Jou or Koushiro, but given the recent circumstances, Mimi assumed that the blond would be ready to go all out at any given moment. She stood up, dusting off the dirt from her skirt, she wasn’t going to sit around and wait to be found.

“Suit yourself, I’m going to go look for Palmon and the others.”

Mimi moved to make her way out of the cave, but Yamato raised his arm, blocking the entrance as he shot her a glare, “I’m worried about Gabumon and Takeru too, but you saw what happened, do you really think it’s a good idea to go out there without our Digimon partners?”

He was referring to the attack that had broken the group from their brief moment of slumber and had unexpectedly split them up. A shiver ran down Mimi’s arms as she remembered the daunting size of the Digimon that had attacked them out of nowhere, and internally she couldn’t help but agree with what her senior was saying. It was not a good idea to move around carelessly, but it was an idea and that’s what she needed right now instead of sitting still and waiting for someone to come calling.

“I’m not saying you’re wrong,” Mimi began, raising her eyes to meet his frowning gaze, “but maybe that’s what the others are thinking too, so how will we find each other if no one makes a move? We didn’t come to the Digital World to sit around and wait for help to find us, at least I know I didn’t.”

She knew she had hit a nerve and she did feel a bit guilty about it, ever since the whole thing with Meicoomon had begun the one who had been advocating for action the most had been Yamato, so for her to suddenly chide him about sitting tight was a low blow on her account. But she couldn’t help it, Mimi could feel the restlessness racing through her veins for every minute they spent together inside the cave. She had never spent so much time alone with him at such close proximity and the new feelings that were being stirred up in her heart when she looked at him, broad shoulders firm with determination as he refused to lower his arm and allow her to pass through, were completely unfamiliar to her.

“So you would gladly leave me behind?”

His voice was just a tone above a whisper but it was almost as if it rang through the cave like a loud, blaring alarm. It takes two to tango, is what his captivatingly blue eyes were saying as they fiercely peered into her own, if Mimi wasn’t afraid to cut corners then neither was he, which made it all the more difficult for her to look away and actually respond to his question. Not that coming up with an answer to his question would be easy, the way he was staring at her made it seem like he could look directly into her soul and would be able to sniff out any lies.

But Mimi had managed to dye her hair pink without her parents finding out until she walked out of her room with her hair bouncing about like a cart of cotton candy had exploded on it. She could handle one blond tundra.

“Gladly,” Mimi said, her voice slightly quivering, but still managed to resound firmly around them. She took a step forward, hoping that the threat of proximity would make Yamato lower his arm and give her the space to make her exit, but instead, he just tightened his grip on the rocky wall, muscles taut around his arms as he continued to stare her down, challenging her to come even closer.

She swallowed a gulp, he was the last person she expected to raise the stakes in a situation like this, what she had expected was that he’d get embarrassed and she’d take that opportunity to take the upper hand and make her escape. However, in the moment it was Mimi who felt embarrassed as she realised that if she raised her fingers just a little bit, she might be able to trace the shape of the tense muscles that clung to the white fabric of the shirt, and as crazy as it sounded to her, that’s all she could think about as they stood close facing each other down with such a fiery determination for perhaps the first time since they had met on the bus to summer camp all those years ago.

Why Yamato had decided to meet her challenge was still something she was unsure of, under normal circumstances he might’ve silently glared daggers at her and focused his attention elsewhere, that’s how he usually fought with people who weren’t Taichi, but then again Mimi and he had rarely ever disagreed on anything before, so there was no way for her to know how he would push back in an argument against her. She wished somewhere deep down, that if this was how things were going to go down, then she had been better off not knowing at all.

Mimi squeezed her eyes shut and tried to get the image of the blond looming over her in all his handsomeness out of her mind, what was important right now was winning this game so she could put some distance between the two of them and never have to deal with all these feelings stirring up inside her ever again. All she needed were a couple of words that would do the trick, they didn’t even need to sting per se but just surprise him enough for her to get a shot at creating an opening in the barrier that he had put up, metaphorically and physically both.

“I’m not intimidated by you.” She began, raising her voice by a pitch that made him wince as he looked over at her with humorous doubt, “In fact, I’m rarely intimidated by people I don’t care much about. And you’re one of them.” Mimi folded her arms across her chest and met his eyes with equal vigour, letting him know through her posture that she too was firm in her decisions and he wouldn’t be able to change her mind with a few lousy tactics. Lying wasn’t something she was particularly good at but the tension in the air gave her the strength to step out of her comfort zone and make a bold statement that would surely hit all the right notes and make Yamato angry enough to lose his cool.

But lately, he had been full of surprises and Mimi should've known better.

Just for a moment, she saw anger flash across Yamato's eyes before he covered it up with an expression she did not recognize. The corner of his mouth curved into a ruthless smirk as without a warning he lowered his head to level with her face, the tip of their noses now only centimetres apart. His warm breath brushed past her chin, which considering the chilliness surrounding them would have been a welcome feeling if Mimi’s whole body hadn’t frozen at the sudden lack of distance between the two of them. She wanted to lift her hands and push them against his toned chest so he would be forced to take a few steps back, she wanted to turn on her heels and stalk back into the inner depths of the cave so the cold air could help douse the fiery excitement that was now rushing through her veins.

But her hands and her feet refused to listen to her demands and stayed put, she felt a hot, burning sensation take over her cheeks as Yamato’s gaze dropped to her lips for just a brief moment, before his eyes met hers again, shining with an emotion she couldn’t find the right words to describe with. Mimi could feel her heart thumping rapidly against her chest, its hammering drowned out the faint pitter-patter of the rain outside in her ears, and she meekly prayed that the loud sound couldn’t reach Yamato because the air of confidence she had put on would crumble the minute he knew how nervous being this close to him made her feel.

Her prayers went unheard of course as the smirk on Yamato’s widened with amusement.

“Are you sure about that, princess? Because your heart is beating too fast to be close to someone you don’t care about.”

A soft whimper escaped her lips, and Mimi was ashamed of her reaction but her voice seemed to have gotten lost somewhere deep inside her throat. It was almost unbelievable that she was losing a battle of stubbornness against Yamato of all people, so all Mimi could do was blame the change in her attitude on the stupidly cold cave that made her long for the warmth of excitement that came with being the absolute centre of Yamato’s attention. She also blamed the Digimon that appeared out of nowhere and separated their little group in such an odd manner. Because she was sure that if a few more of their friends and their Digimon partners were around, this disagreement of theirs would have ended with both of them huffing and puffing and turning away from each other, not with their faces hovering so close that a single a push or a trip of her feet could send her lips crashing onto his-

“Yamato san, Yamato san, can you hear me?”

The two teens immediately pulled back at the sound of their friend’s voice. Mimi took a few steps back into the cave, her hands pressed to her cheek as she tried to hide the redness across her face. While Yamato ended up stepping out of the cave and into the rain, his pale cheeks however, betrayed no hint of embarrassment, only his chest fell and rose irregularly as he took a few deep breaths.

“Yamato san, can you hear me?”

The two turned their attention to the source of the voice, Yamato's digivice which was attached to his pant’s belt loop. Frowning, the blond removed it from his pants and raised it towards his mouth, responding in a hesitant tone.

“Koushiro?”

“Yes! I’m glad I was able to connect with you too. I’ve gotten hold of everyone else, well except Mimi san but I was planning to reach out to her next.”

The digivice being used as a walkie-talkie was something new to both of them, but if someone was capable of figuring that out it was Koushiro. Yamato lowered the digivice, holding it between the two of them so Mimi could lean in closer and listen better too.

“Mimi’s with me.”

It was a simple statement, a factual one in fact, but the words made Mimi’s stomach churn unbearably. She wanted to slap herself across the face just to get out of this stupor she seemed to be under, Yamato and she had never been anything more than casual friends, and she should know better than to dream of something more.

“I see...That’s...uh that’s good to hear.”

Koushiro’s voice seemed more timid than earlier, as if he was not happy to hear about how the two of them had ended up together. Yamato too must have noticed the change in their friend’s voice as he scowled at the device in his hand, possibly annoyed that Koushiro would take a dire situation like this and make it about his feelings for the brunette.

“What do we need to do next?” Yamato cut right to the chase, the urgency in his voice made it seem like he wanted to put an end to the whole dilemma of being stuck alone with Mimi as soon as possible and that finally made the jumbled-up feelings inside of her calm down for a minute.

“Let me explain the rendezvous location to you…”

Mimi tuned out the conversation, knowing that Yamato would guide her in the right direction, she took that time to collect herself instead. By the time they left the cave and followed Koushiro’s directions to where they would meet up with their friends, the surge of emotions she’d felt by simply being around Yamato alone began to simmer down. The two walked in silence, with Mimi trailing slightly behind. She was dragging her feet across the ground so slowly, which came as a surprise to Yamato and he would often turn to check if she was still around. He must have thought her behaviour odd, considering how aggressively Mimi had wanted to get out of the cave to go look for Palmon a while ago.

But now, she knew that the minute the two would reunite with their friends the problems surrounding the Digital World would take centre stage in both their minds. Until the battle was over the two would probably never get the chance to think about what had almost happened between them in the cave. What Mimi feared the most, however, was that both of them would eventually forget the heated moment they had shared and never again make an attempt to get close to each other.

Which is why she walked slowly, to keep the memory of Yamato’s mesmerising blue eyes staring at her lips fresh in her mind for as long as she could. Deep down she hoped that Yamato would do the same, because maybe, just maybe if both of them held onto the memory of their tryst tightly, it wouldn’t wither out as a dream and remain rooted in their minds as something real for years to come.

- x -

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

Writer's end-of-year roundup, 2022! 🎉🎆

Despite the myriad hardships of the year for me - losing my old beagle, fighting doctors, a completely stupid amount of grief/loss, migraines and disability oh my! - it's actually been an amazingly productive and inspired year? I'm very proud! I completed the second draft of my first-ever longfic, which needs another round of editing or two before it's ready to be published, and I've discovered I LOVE editing. More than I love writing, actually????? Lots of people talk about the Dreaded Editing but for me, it was vastly easier than writing the first draft was LOL. I also did what I thought I would never do, which is create another Shepard, Morrigan Vesta, and I actually wrote mostly about her during NaNoWriMo this year. I'm finally getting the hang of how to give characters unique voices (or portray a canon character's voice accurately, which is something I used to be extremely hung up on). I can honestly say I've made a lot of progress both as a person and as a writer this year, and I'm finally starting to find my joy in writing again. Very exciting!

Taking a page out of @pikapeppa 's book in how to format this year's data- I love seeing your charts every year!! My own chart ended up being quite a bit messier, but that's probably because of how I tweaked it to fit my fics. I apologize deeply if the image quality gets butchered, I am not wise in the ways of battling Tumblr's nonsense

(HEY GUESS WHO FORGOT A FIC......the one I forgot is Marevera's Dream, which is a Wayfarer post-Ep 1 pre-Ep 2 WIP, and it clocks in at 1,174 words, making my actual total 60,486!!!!!)

*I forgot to note that In this darkness, on my own is a followup to A New and Dark Horizon.

60K........DUDE!!! I haven't written that much since junior high/I got my depression diagnosis in like 2016, so this is. Big!

New things I tried: For starters, I paced myself during NaNo instead of forcing myself to write every day like I did during NaNo 2020. And WOW was that a night-and-day difference! In 2020, I wrote about 20k and burned myself out so bad I couldn't write for another 6-8 months. This year, I wrote about 30k, and only sat down to write about half the days, successfully dodging burnout. I think that's a valuable lesson for me in what works for me, how to balance my desire to write with what I'm actually capable of that day, and how to work with my disability without letting it limit me.

I also wrote in first person for the first time in maaaaaany years, and while it's not as comfy as third person, it wasn't bad, and it was a good way to explore the different strengths of POVs.

And since my laptop had a fatal encounter with a cup of coffee last spring (RIP little buddy), I've gotten very comfy writing on my phone, which I had previously only done for Across the Sea and Part 1 & Part 3 of broken body built anew because I was bored/inspired during a long car ride LOL.

Fic I spent the most time on: Going Over Jordan, easy. I originally wrote it during NaNo 2020, then re-wrote it at some point during 2021 (time is a weird soup so I don't remember). And then I rewrote it AGAIN this year, edited the crap out of it, printed it, and will edit it again sometime in 2023. It's a fic that exists purely because I am at times a spiteful little goblin, and I had Opinions about the MEA main mission Hunting the Archon, i.e. I didn't agree with how Bioware wrote the companions' responses to Ryder's temporary death, and my Ryder is also an anxious neurodivergent wreck like myself, so I wanted to write how that mission would have actually gone with Brynja as Pathfinder. I wanted to highlight the relationships Brynja has with her friends (particularly Jaal), and I also just wanted her take on the mission in general, because it's not the same as what's in-game. I mean....a lot of people die gruesome deaths in that mission and you see the aftermath, you see the gutted and maimed corpses. There's a lot of horror inherent to what Bioware wrote for that mission, but they glossed over it big time. I wanted to fix that.

I'd like to have someone beta read it, but Andromeda is a niche market as it were, and I've never had anyone beta my work before, so that's honestly the biggest reason it's not published yet. It would benefit greatly from beta reading I think, but uh. I don't know how to make that happen. I'm gonna publish the dang thing in 2023 or 2024 at the latest, though, even if it kills me DGKLJDHLG.

Fic I spent the least time on: I can't say for certain, but it's probably the microfics. Those took only a couple hours. Aside from those, not counting WIPs, it'd most likely be Across the Sea, which I wrote on my phone while sitting on the kitchen floor.

Favorite thing I wrote: ALMOST ALL OF THEM. In all seriousness though, there are a few that have a special place in my heart, and the most important one is Across the Sea. I'd been wanting to explore how Marian processes/copes with Thane's death pretty much since the day I created her, but I never got around to putting any of it on paper until the time came for me to say goodbye to my dog, a 17yo beagle named Maggie we adopted in 2019, last February.

It was an absolutely hellish series of events just in those few days alone: I had a sleep study done which gave me the worst migraine of my life, I threw up in a random parking lot, went home and tried to sleep the migraine off, and was woken up a few hours later to my mom sitting on my bed and saying, quietly, "Maggie's dying". My migraine quit mattering at that point. I sat with her on the couch for hours, held her paw, petted her softly. My parents took turns sitting with her in the living room overnight.

Ultimately, she was just suffering so much for so long we had to take her to the vet. It was a weekend, so it was going to be hours before they opened. Maggie got up and stumbled to the kitchen, and she laid down in front of the door to the garage, and I just...sat with her. There was nothing I could do to help or save her, so I kept her company in her last hours. In the midst of moving and the uncertainty surrounding my health, my new disabilities, traumatizing doctor appointment after traumatizing doctor appointment, I was having to say goodbye to the greatest light and joy of my life a mere 6 months after we lost the dog we've had since I was 3 years old (a shih tzu named Reggie, who wore the pride of his breed like a royal mantle and never stopped carrying himself like a king, even when he didn't recognize us anymore).

Maybe it's silly to compare the loss of a dog to the loss of a lover, but...things just clicked in my brain. I wrote Across the Sea for and about Thane and Marian, yes, but it was for me and my beagle, too, in equal measure. Thane was terminally ill but even so he died quite unexpectedly (THANKS KAI LENG), and the same was true of Maggie. So it was....maybe it's a silly thought, but it was a vent piece. I understood my grief through the lens of Marian's, since hers was so much easier to tackle than my own in its huge overwhelming weight. I'm a very private person with big emotions, and my grief was - and is - a very personal thing. Something I needed to keep close to my chest, hidden, at the time. To write Marian's grief as I waited with Maggie for the inevitable, it was like I had a companion, a friend sitting with me in that grief. I understood Marian much better then.

So perhaps mechanically speaking, Across the Sea isn't my best piece (I'm honestly not certain where it ranks quality-wise), but it is....the writing equivalent of those pendants that carry your loved one's ashes, for me. And it's done quite well on AO3. Knowing that people have enjoyed this piece that is so precious to me and comes from a place of such deep sorrow...there is no greater honor I could ask for, I think. It's a fitting tribute to a character and franchise I love, that's gotten me through many hard times, and to the beagle that made the horrors of life worth living.

(Aside from that, my other favorites are broken body built anew (first trilogy piece), Going Over Jordan (first longfic), In this darkness on my own, Farewell to Arms, Des profondeurs dans la nuit, and the ME3 early game Morrilenko duology Never Enough/In the shadow of your heart.)

Favorite thing I read: Imma be real with you chief, I have.....not read much. Not as far as books go, anyway. But I've sure read some amazing fic and interactive fiction games!!

I reread a bunch of stuff, partly to examine the technical strengths of my fave writers and stories, and partly because hey, they're my favorite stories!! Off the top of my head, the pieces I reread were: Flotsam, Ain't Sentimental, and Loose Ends by @asaara-writes; Sorrow and Resistance by @/myrini; and while I didn't get the chance to reread/finish these like I'd hoped, A Lesson in Drowning by @theherocomplex, Where the Winds of Fortune Take Me and Lovers in a Dangerous Time by pikapeppa are bookmarked both on AO3 and in my brain for the same reasons as the shorter pieces

everything @coldshrugs has written in the past year or two. Both as a writer and as a reader, shorter form fiction is more accessible to my migraine-addled brain (I love reading long stuff but it's often migraine trigger T^T) and Azia's a MASTER of short fiction???? So much punch packed into such concise words!! Incredible clarity and emotional depth!!!! There are many writers on this site that I admire and respect greatly, and Azia is one of them

My favorite IF this year is 100% Wayfarer (@/idrellegames). I haven't been able to focus on it as much as I'd have liked, but the COMPLEXITY the DEPTH. I'm in awe of it and Idrelle. The scope of the project is so massive and the intrigue and depth of the story and characters is incredible to see, Idrelle is a one-person-army of a writer. It'd be easy to think that Wayfarer is made by a team, but nope! It's all the genius and dedication of Idrelle. Having followed Wayfarer from the beginning, the only words I can describe it is awe-inspiring

My writing goals are going in a separate post because this is about 19 times longer than I meant it to be DHFLJKDSLKJHG. If you've read this far, thank you so much!!!!!!! I know it probably got a little more personal and a little bit sadder than you were expecting, so thanks for sticking with me- and I don't blame you an ounce if you skim-read this or skipped some sections. It's a lot of words!

Happy New Year, everyone!! You guys make Tumblr great, and without the people I've met through this site, I would've missed out on not only tons of awesome media, but all y'all super cool folks and your blorbos!!! Keep on creating, everybody. Your stories, your art, your headcanons and metas and dumb jokes, you bring light into my life, and the lives of others. I want you to know that your works bring comfort and happiness to the life of one lost and drifting young woman...and I want to thank you for it, sincerely. I know for a fact I'm not the only person whose life is made better by your presence. The fact that we haven't met in-person doesn't lessen your impact by an ounce.

[beggingwolf]

2021 Retrospective!

Inclement weather delayed some travel plans, so I spent a healthy chunk of New Year's Eve steamrolling over some code to finish my fic bookshelf/navigation page. It was a really good way for me to see everything laid out like that, and I wanted to take a moment to reflect over 2021 and set intentions for 2022 (inspired by @ticklefighthockey's year in review)

Onward:

I was pretty crispy-crunchy burnt out in January of last year—I'd written 50-odd-k words over the previous month and a half for the 2020 A/B/O Fest—and it took me a while to get my feet under me again. I took a month off before dipping into "post-game cope fic," churning out a fanvid, and writing sub-5k-word short fics until April.

By April I'd started doing a better job of making fandom friends/finding critique partners and betas. (Or, rather, they found me, but still). I can see this reflected in my work: I cranked out Dreamboy (6.9k) and Blessed are the Chosen (10k) within the span of a few weeks, and both were very directly inspired by/products of my relationship with my critique partners.

Once Spring hit, I was in fest-mode, largely. I wrote some smaller fics to pad the gaps, but I participated in:

The 2021 Sid/Geno Exchange (Hunger, 19.5k)

The 2021 Sid/Geno Kinkfest (Pink, Pussycat, WAG, Bondmates, A Drowning in California, for a combined 32.3k)

The 2021 Sid/Geno Spook Fest (The Wishing Well, 14k)

So for a six month span, I published nearly 70,000 words (out of a total of 150,000-ish, so: a little less than half of my annual output) for fandom fests and exchanges. I find that really cool and I'm proud that I pushed myself to participate in 3 fests, and run one of the three, which was very rewarding.

I also wrote many words that went unpublished. Buried in my drafts are:

7.5k for the first (scrapped) draft of the TKK oneshot

17k of an abandoned fic

3.9k of the Thoroughbred draft

12k of WWJ

1k of Crybaby

So that's another 41,000-ish words that haven't even come to fruition (if they ever will, in a few cases). That bumps my annual wordcount to nearly 200,000 words.

It's coconuts. And I'm really, really glad I made my navigation page, because it made it very clear to me that while I didn't write any 40,000-word epics this year, I still wrote enormous amounts of fiction, and that's pretty cool.

I also took the time to set up my 2022 fic roster. I have ambitious goals this year, including:

coauthoring a fic for the first time

writing for 6 different fests/exchanges

tackling a WIP I've had since early 2021

attempting another 50k+ fic

Those are all very measurable goals. On the "less tangible" side of things, i also want to work on writing multiple drafts of a work and working a little bit every day. I've seen consistent work on both of these things pay big dividends to friends, and I want to see what I'm capable of along those lines.

I had a good year of writing—and I'm convinced 2022 can be even better. See you all soon with something new, yeah?