#i haven't blogged about ACTUAL BB in a while

[purpleandstarlight]

Don't ask me why I thought of this (I don't even know) but I feel like if Ciel and Lizzie tried to discuss a book...they could but it would be something like:

Ciel: [Brings an extremely insightful although quite edgy at times analysis of the characters and overall theme of the story.]

Lizzie: [She liked the book but was there for the vibe, didn't really think to analyze anything much]

(This ISN'T a "Lizzie is stupid" post. I love Lizzie. She's really smart and capable and if anyone even so much DARES to talk shit about her in those extremely misogynistic or Clearly-didnt-understand-her-character-at-all ways they usually do i WILL become feral.)

People can just like media without needing to over-analyze every detail. I know, it's different from what me and everyone else who's reading this post is used to, but it's something that happens. I get subjected to it every time i watch a show with my mum and I immediately get into deep analysis of the characters and their reasoning for doing things and my mum listens to my reasoning and likes the show but if I ask her a question about what she thinks about a character or smth she's there like "Idk I'm just following the show" WICH IS FINE!! IT DOESNT MEAN SHE ISN'T UNDERSTANDING THE OVERALL MESSAGE OR STORY OF THE SHOW!! SHE JUST DOESN'T JUMP AT THE IDEA OF GOING INTO OVER-ANALYZING EVERY SINGLE BREATH A CHARACTER MAKES THE WAY I DO!!! IT DOESN'T MEAN SHE'S STUPID!!!

So yeah. Although Lizzie would be different from my mum in the way that Lizzie would be able to point out her favorite or least favorite characters clearly - saying what she liked and disliked about them, and even enthusiastically comment on wich scenes she liked the most, wich means she and Ciel could actually have a two-way conversation that isn't like what me and my mum usually do (Me talking non-stop about themes and symbolism and what I think a scene could relate to irl while my mum happily but still silently listens - wich is also fine mind you, I just mean Ciel and Lizzie would go at it differently)

Also i know Ciel and Lizzie would probably prefer different kinds of literature but imo they would be able to find a middle ground. Ciel prefers darker stories, yes, but i believe he himself said he reads almost anything to keep up with what people like for his business, and either way he would compromise for Lizzie. He wouldn't MAKE her read something that could greatly upset her, just like she wouldn't MAKE him read something that is completely out of his interests, like a cheesy romantic novel that would bore him out of his mind five chapters in. They are pretty good at respecting eachother's boundaries most of the time, I feel.

So like...idk, Alice in Wonderland? Lizzie would like the vibes and overall fun colorful story. Ciel could maybe appreciate the non-sense theme in how everything works differently (as in he would sit there, compare it to things irl, and try to understand how the author got to the wilder ideas from there) and also compare it to how things work in the real world. (I haven't read Alice in Wonderland since I was really little - like late elementary or early middle school, so keep in mind I'm not an expert who could give a more exhaustive theory)

I have not read Sherlock Holmes ever (I tried once tho! And I do own some of the books!! I just never got around to reading more than a chapter or smth YEARS ago) so idk how Lizzie would find it, but it IS o!Ciel's favorite author and he loves these books very much so I feel like Lizzie would want to give them a shot. Ciel lets her because although it is a murder mystery, it's not a fully horror novel (be it flat out gore or psychological horror) - (...and also he is excited about talking about these books with someone he's close with, so he gladly takes a risk promising to himself he'll just stop her if she gets too upset about the deaths. You didn't hear it from me though).

[bonefall]

the ShadowClan talk made me look through Brokenstar's BB Tags, and. a) is Lizardstripe still related to Finchflight, if you are keeping Finch-Dawn as a couple (with Dawncloud's age redux)? b) i keep seeing stuff about Snowtuft and killing kits, but i cant find anything actually detailing on that on the blog, and one of the older posts also mentions that Blizzardwing is either his son/grandson AND that Lizardstripe's mother was the kit he couldn't kill. what is all that about, im dying to know.

This is info that's scattered across a bunch of different posts, plus more deets and changes I haven't had a chance to dive into. Snowtuft committed an atrocity which would torment his victims and descendants for generations, for both its legacy and its trauma.

SO I wanna put as much of it as possible into one place for now, so you don't have to go guessing based on older posts. Especially since some of those posts are long outdated, but I haven't contradicted them yet.

To start the story of the two families, it begins with Snowtuft and the bloody end of the Crusade Era.

CONTENT WARNING; this is one of BB's darkest tales. It involves depictions of xenophobic violence, child murder, war crime, PTSD, abuse, and kidnapping. BB!Snowtuft's a bad kitty!

SEE: Kitten Stealing

(Also: After writing it out, I kinda realized this would be great as a BB entry on its own. I should come back and clean this up someday.)

PART 1: THE LAST CRUSADE

Cedarstar inherited the Crusades from Houndstar, continuing them more out of respect for her legacy than true zealotry.

He had actually been chosen as a deputy because he would run the Clan while she was off gallavanting.

He wasn't a pushover or anything, just prefered logistics. Him and Pinestar were tragically ahead of their time.

...but like other cats of his time, he was from a culture that didn't extend personhood beyond the Clans. So, he continued the Crusades.

Even though they weren't getting easier.

Crystal of Chelford had already used a new tool to carve a red future for the cats of the town...

and what were once defenseless little targets began to unite into organized, armed response teams.

Non-BloodClan "zones" got rarer and rarer.

The territory and underlings of an influential cat named Jay were among the last holdouts, so it's where most of ShadowClan's raids were launched.

And on one of these raids... it happened fast.

Snowtuft turned an alley and was ruthlessly attacked. He defended himself.

In the confusion, another assailant ran towards him. He acted swiftly.

It was reflex! Instinct! He couldn't tell what was coming at him. It was a split second decision.

He couldn't undo what had happened. The kitten was dead, next to its mother.

And the others were screaming, crying, terrified.

Snowtuft doesn't remember what he did next. He doesn't want to.

But Puffballburr does.

She used to see it every night.

She remembers her name, too-- Pixie. And her mom. And her littermates.

And the look that washed over his eyes when he realized the ragged flesh at his feet was a kitten.

Raw shock, electrifying shame, the dawning horror of knowing you've definitely done something that you're going to get punished for.

And when his white, blood-splattered face turned slowly towards her and her wailing siblings, she recognized that emotion too.

It's a very childlike response, really.

He needed to cover up his accident.

And he almost did, too. It was dumb luck that stopped him as he grabbed her tail and dragged her out from her hiding place. One of his clanmates heard the awful racket, and Pixie had survived just long enough.

PART 2: ONE OF US

They took her away, just like any other "honor kitten," but the Clan cats believed this was different somehow.

Something about the naked horror of what Snowtuft did, maybe. Impossible to ignore.

But it's not like he faced any real justice for it, not that Puffballkit could remember seeing. So clearly it wasn't very different at all.

His mate left him, and the older warriors regarded him with a distant sort of "shame." He was ostracized from many circles.

But Puff's siblings had not been "clan cats" so the Warrior Code did not apply to them. He faced social dishonor, not legal.

Ever-merciful Cedarstar did not want to "ruin" more lives.

"Not when the kit is far too young to even remember what happened," he said. But she did remember.

And her name. Her mom. Her littermates. That face.

She just knew, growing up, that she couldn't know about it.

Because Snowtuft was always right there, just around the curve of the den, just behind the cover of the rose bush thorns, listening.

They're ALL Snowtuft.

To admit she remembers it is to admit she isn't one of them. And if you're not one of them, the law does not apply to you.

As a kid, she couldn't articulate it. But she understood it.

Deep down to her brittle, kittypet bones. Her filthy, stillwater blood.

The ungrateful heart that beat in her chest.

Fear expressed as a constant, calm obedience of authority. A permanent dread, as if living in a pack as a sheep in wolf's clothing

So she was quiet, notoriously so.

Whoever her foster was, Puff was like a little white shadow. It's where the warrior name came from, eventually-- a puffball clinging to someone's fur. (after writing this though, half of me wants to start calling her Lambfur or Lambfrost.)

ShadowClan plunged into the Campaign Era with Heatherstar's invasion of the Mothermouth Moorland, and the massacre of some kittypet family became awkward history. Those old enough to remember still kept a distance from Snowtuft... but war took its toll.

War means death and those older members of the Clan are not replaceable.

Younger cats weren't there to see the horror of what Snowtuft had done... and time would make him bolder.

Finding growing sympathy in his apprentices, spurred on by the hardening of the culture in tandem with the official birth of Thistle Law, Snowtuft started to change history.

The official Educator of ShadowClan (still unsure who this was) had one story, and Snowtuft had one too.

"Details" were quietly changed in his. They weren't "kits" but "young cats." They charged out to aid their mother. Then maybe she wasn't their mother. Who knows.

Pullball's name was left out of these stories, on both sides. No need for the kittens to know that she wasn't one of us.

And if she was? That's a good thing for her. Living the life of a Clan cat.

He wouldn't share if "he wasn't asked," but all of his actions, his language, was a silent plea to be asked.

He wanted to forget the whole thing, because of his nightmares, his constant shame and punishment, how hard the whole ordeal made his life-- but he couldn't so it was constantly coming out of his mouth.

There was a deep resentment on his end, towards Puffballburr. How she was part of the Clan now, always reminding him. Like it was her fault.

In the end, Snowtuft didn't blame himself. He blamed everything else. The guilt was killing him a little bit every day...

But not as much as that WindClan cat's claws did. Those killed him a lot in one day!

But Snowtuft's death didn't bring Puffballburr any peace. She just felt... annoyed. Which was strange to her-- she should feel relief, but, she didn't. She was just thinking about how the next battle with WindClan would be harder without an extra set of claws.

PART 3: GOING HOME

Puffballfur is the queen of low empathy, and her emotions are... hard to predict.

Not in a chaotic sort of way, but in a "Huh, interesting, I didn't think that of all things would get me going" sort of way.

She both lives in constant "fear" but also a persistent banality. It's kind of like being in a cage with a chained tiger, but you've marked the exact spot on the floor where the tiger's chain ends.

Imagine getting nightmares that stop you from sleeping, but you know that they aren't going to come true. So you lay there with a throbbing heart, mostly feeling annoyed that you're going to be tired in the morning.

That's her life.

Sometimes when she couldn't sleep, she'd roll on her back in the nest and critique the assassination attempt in her mind.

Did he think his dumb plan through? Or did he just react without thinking? It was going to be obvious he killed a bunch of kids, whether she survived or not.

Or maybe he would have just said that the rogue killed her own kits to prevent them from becoming Clan cats. They'd probably believe that.

Either way it was sloppy. Could have had more kits if he didn't kill her sibs.

She had connections within the Clan. A foster, hunting buddies, apprentice. She was kind to them, especially when they were useful. But...

It feels like she's not like them. Like they have variables to their behavior that she doesn't. Drives and desires that are pointless, sometimes even frustrating.

Like the concept of "honor." Ridiculous. Every single person who talks about it is hypocritical about it in some way, and it causes unnecessary fights in the camp and on the border because of ridiculous ego.

She just performs it because the other cats value it-- and when people like you, you get what you want.

I'm not sure who her mate was, or if it was even just one. In any case, when she found herself pregnant, she declared Queen's Rights. I feel like she might have had a fling with someone, but got annoyed by their clingy behavior.

When her daughters were born, Bracketkit and Lizardkit, she felt pride.

Because... they didn't belong to someone else. They weren't even really ShadowClan's. They were hers.

For the first time since her mother and littermates had been taken away from her, she felt like she was looking at family. People who would always be with her.

But that didn't last...

...because a chance encounter only a few moons later reconnected her with someone who remembered her.

Not a littermate, but an older sister. Marmalade. She couldn't believe that Pixie was alive.

This is a WIP zone because I'm not sure, yet, if I'm keeping Hal's attack on ShadowClan. In any case, they continued to reconnect for moons.

The fact that she was remembered, that she could talk openly about what happened, and that Marmalade wanted her and her kittens to come home made Puffballburr's stomach flutter with excitement. She felt valuable.

And with the war getting worse and worse, this was absolutely the best choice for her kittens as well. They would be safer with BloodClan than they would with ShadowClan.

No longer would she be Puffballburr. Her name was Pixie.

ENTER: LIZARDSTRIPE

Puffballburr wasn't a bad mother, but it would feel a lot better to be Lizardstripe if she could have the simplicity to just say she was.

Her earliest memories of her mom and her sibling were outside of the camp on a cool, clear spring night, laying in soft marshgrass. Puff was laying on her back with her hind legs bowed out, a kit tucked under each paw, pressed to her fluffy, warm chest. Her face was turned upward, quietly, at the moon, as her daughters slept peacefully.

She's not sure how long after she'd opened her eyes that this memory took place, but Lizardkit looked up towards the bright, starry sky... and she remembered that the light hurt.

Her needs were always taken care of, but Puffballburr hated explaining things.

You learned quick to treat your questions like a valuable resource, and to listen carefully.

Lizardkit was sharp, much sharper than her sister. She caught onto the way that her mother viewed relationships in a very transactional sort of way-- and stayed aware of her balance.

And had to consider the cost of doing the things her mother was fond of, versus what the other kittens and queens in the nursery expected of her.

What Puffball didn't realize when her children were born was that they were family, but they were also ShadowClan. Even if this was not something she had ever felt a connection to.

Deep down, it didn't truly click with her that her children were not extensions of herself.

And when Lizardkit was a child, learning history from the Educator and getting involved in more of the Clan's goings-on, Puffballburr spent less and less time with her. Because she was reconnecting with Marmalade.

When Bracket and Lizard had their apprentice ceremony, Puffballburr was not there.

Lizardpaw's mentor was the infamously powerful, chaotic fighter, Finchflight. Bracketpaw was assigned to Brackenfoot. (There is an earlier post suggesting that Lizi and Finf were going to be related. I decided to make them mentor/apprentice instead.)

Finchflight immediately began to stress the importance of loyalty. Being one of the younger cats who had sympathized with Snowtuft and knowing the secret behind Puffballburr's beginnings, he nurtured a pain within Lizardstripe. Encouraged her to let the distance between her and her family grow.

Eventually, Puffball told her children that they were going to leave ShadowClan. They had family in the town, would be safe there, could start a brand new life together.

And Lizardpaw was shocked.

It was like everything Finchflight had said was true.

And they were going to leave her.

She reacted violently to the suggestion, attacking her mother. Told them that she was going to expose them, lead a patrol right back to their new hiding place, bring them "back home."

In defense of Puffballburr, Bracketpaw brawled with her sister. They fought viciously, until their mother separated them with a desperate, devastating whack to Lizardpaw's head.

Laying dazed on the ground, she heard an apology before passing out.

When she woke up, she was safely protected within a blackthorn bush-- with a nick on the outside of her ear.

She stayed out there for hours, not knowing what to do, where her family had gone, or what she was going to say when she got home.

But, looking at her reflection in a puddle of water, she became so angry at the idea of this being her first scar that she ripped the other ear, on the opposite side.

When the search party found her, they asked what had happened to her. If she had seen her mother or her sister, or if something had gone wrong.

"Nah. Took a nap to get away from them. Ripped my ears on the thornbush."

Later, when she would be interrogated or questioned by people she didn't want to lie to, she would tell a half-truth;

"I did it to myself. Liked how it looked. Last I saw of Puffballburr and Bracketpaw, they were upset I'd done it and left, so I took a nap."

She didn't mind that her Clanmates thought this was weird. She didn't care about whispers that it was all done for attention, or that it was dishonorable to do such a thing and they probably met a predator after storming off, and she didn't even mind the gossip guessing at the "real" reason behind her ripped ears.

The only people who ever got the whole truth were the Forget-Me-Nots. After their disappearance, Lizardstripe didn't talk about her family for years, insisting upon having no further details. Even if it meant that mystery and suspicion would hang around her like a cloud.

BLIZZARDWING: KIN OF SNOWTUFT

Snowtuft's daughter was named Lilyfur. She was a kit when her father slaughtered Pixie's family.

When her mother left her father, she also distanced herself from him. This was something Snowtuft was outraged and saddened by.

But Lilyfur's mother couldn't stand the idea of a kitten-killer trying to stay close to her daughter. How could he look at little babies, the same age as his own child, and kill them?

Lilykit grew up very conflicted. She remembered how much she loved her dad, understood that he was a kitten murderer, but he continued to be so kind to her into adulthood.

It was hard to think of him as someone who could do something so horrible.

Earlier draft had Lilyfur die and her kittens were raised by their kin, Snowtuft, but I'm currently leaning towards Lilyfur being alive but just letting him be an active part of their lives-- in spite of her discomfort.

Because the more time he spent in her life, paradoxically, the more obsessed he became with all the "time he lost out on."

Which ended up including entertaining a lot of conversations about how he'd never done anything wrong, ever, and everyone was mean to him.

Lilyfur: "ok maybe he's not evil but my dad is really annoying <:/ but he's really lonely. He needs me. and i cant take him away from his grandkits"

From this, what Blizzardwing absorbed was the idea that love and forgiveness was always tolerating your family no matter what. This would express itself in his toxic relationship with Hollyflower.

But Blizzardwing now has a sibling. I haven't settled on a name yet-- but I'm playing with him either being Angelshade or Silkflower.

I really like the name "Angelshade" as a reference to the notoriously deadly white mushroom, the Destroying Angel. But also. someone in the audience asked if I could give the prefix "angel" to a cat because it's their name, and I feel a little bad about giving it to a character who is going to be one of the nastiest little background characters in all of BB lmaooooo

i'm so sorry angel (positive), is it okay if there's an angel (derogatory)

ANYWAY, Untitled Blizzardwing Sibling grew up adoring his grandpaw.

Radicalization can be a slow creep. He loved peepaw, so if he was asked when he was young, he would happily repeat the adjusted version of history he was taught.

And then when Snowtuft died, he wanted to remember him fondly. The story slowly changed, becoming more "accurate," just getting more comfortable with the idea of dehumanizing outsiders.

So what, if he killed some kittypet? And if some kits had already been indoctrinated into their kittypet life? It was still a gain for ShadowClan, in the end.

One summer day, without warning, he came home with two little kittens. One was white, one was brown, both had the pinkish tinge of poorly cleaned blood.

He grinned playfully at Brokenstar, and claimed Queen's Rights in a singsong tone.

Because of that rite, no one could ask where he'd gotten those kittens from. But everyone knew he'd done something grim.

Those kits, Whitewater and Brownstone, grew up under the crescendo of Brokenstar's reign, both taking part in the WindClan Massacre.

Whitewater's bloody story includes joining Mudclaw's Rebellion, giving birth to three kits, a souring relationship with her son, condemnation to the Dark Forest, ends in the Battle of the True Eclipse after killing her grandson.

Brownstone's tale includes a relationship with a WindClan cat during the bloodiest period in the history of their two Clans.

And their father's story ends in Chelford, after being exiled from ShadowClan by Nightstar. His canon counterpart is the Unnamed White Rogue from Rise of Scourge, who tries to order Scourge to be his personal servant.

(the other two cats are Braketail, the "Offbrand Brokenstar" pale tabby, and Pirateheart, the gray rogue with green eyes. Glitch Warriors for the pile!)

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

I Feel Bad For Starlo. (pt. 10)

(so excited to be back to this series)

Starlo's really emotional but he doesn't know how to deal with emotions. He doesn't try reaching out to his family to sort things out with them. He doesn't directly comfort Ceroba and instead uses the same coping mechanism on her like he does on himself (escapism).

But you still, even after months of me making the "I Feel Bad For Starlo" series, can't convince me he's the only one who made a mistake during the WE segment. Attacking Clover and trying to kill them so he'd gain status WAS on him but what I truly wished to know was WHY things had turned out the way they had turned out (aka the Feisty Five splitting up).

Star refuses to accept that his lifelong dream had been a lie. He refuses to accept that his excessive love for westerns and the human culture had been what separated him and his friends, who didn't share such passion. If he had admitted out loud: "Yeah, I got too into the role (even tho i actually didn't endanger anyone) and maybe I should tone it down a bit and not completely hide/ignore/forget about the fact I'm a nerd and not a cool cowboy", Starlo would have had to face the truth: that he feels like a nobody without the persona. Absolutely useless. And he really, REALLY didn't want to feel, or be reminded that he feels this way, so he snapped:

And no, I don't believe Star actually planned to fire everyone, because right before the four attack Clover, he cheerfully leaves for the badge: but not before telling them all to have fun.

All his actions, everything he stood for, It all comes down to one simple wish of his: wanting to be a somebody.  

We're told he was being selfish and reckless but... I disagree. I've already talked about as to why some time ago, so go check out my older blogs if you haven't already.

...You know what would have screamed "he's selfish and reckless?"

If, during the trolley problem, Star had summoned AN ACTUAL real train and almost hurt/ killed Ed/the rest of the posse + the random monsters tied to the track. He legit trusted that Virgil WOULDN'T do anything that would harm his team for the roleplay and that's why he let him outta the jail

I don't think any of them were actually scared (except the monsters who weren't part of the Wild East, I think there were two of them; they maybe didn't know it was just roleplay), they were just acting; it's their job after all

Or, if he DIDN'T say this about locking Martlet up (with a serious face)

Or if during the duel (mission 2) he DIDN'T use a BB gun and Clover lost HP thanks to an actual wild revolver. True, forgetting safety glasses is being forgetful & careless but I wouldn't use the word reckless. Why? Because carelessness is unintentional, while recklesness is intentional.

also, 'oversight' literally means 'carelesness' and not 'recklessness' (I repeat, they're not the same)

Or if he DIDN'T say THIS:

...Instead we get a larping session with no real danger happening.

[miupow]

I am actually alive🤡 but dk when I'll be dead again...🥲 btw hi lia! I've gotten busy, lately, like a lot. It has been so bad i haven't gotten even time to check my writing blog. Nor have i been writing any stuff many drafts, wip, etc none completed. Today my health gave up on making me stay conscious.... I have been on less sleep for uh... 2 weeks, so i passed out (wow💀) i have a lot of work as the class representative(yes they made me the class representative😭), and then i gotta work for organising events (why? Cause I am the representative so gotta work on behalf of my section) i almost passed out in bus yesterday so now I am checking all my social media for a little while as i rest and now our semester has all new subjects so less time to write stuffs as i need to catch up with the pace and be in my old prime to write stuff. Wanna take a long break so idk...🥲 gotta work, study and work and study etc(spoilers, it gets and is getting worse as time passes by)

— noulli❕️

hi noulli darling!!! i’ve missed u sm 🤧🤧 i didn’t know u changed ur url i’ve been looking for u everywhere … !!! it’s so nice to hear from you again!!!

ouuu noulli pls stay safe and healthy.. remember that real life comes before everything else!! don’t stress so much about writing and take a break if you need one!! you sound very busy… i hope you continue to do well in school 🩷 pls prioritize ur health!! i love u bb

[lovely-in-pink-shifting]

My pinned post! ♡

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I've been shifting since 2020 shifttok just about, like a little before the Dracotok boom (like a lil') and the subsequent apocalypse that happened after "Just kidding on the rights" Rowling's transphobia was coming out.

Yeah so fun fact I was NEARLY a Draco girly, I feel like the fallout was divine intervention stopping me at JUST the right time but that's besides the point, the point was to give you a time frame for long I've been shifting.

I'm making this blog with people in my age group in mind, I'm not gonna be posting smut or porn on this blog (and no blog's that do that are not the devil or something that's not the point) but I'm not really gonna be censoring myself either? I guess just be 18 or older if you wanna send an ask or DM, if you just wanna look or read my posts I guess that's fine.

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So my interests do shift pun maybe intended, a lot. I think of it as like a wheel, like, "Oh I'm bored? Time to spin the wheel of interests again then!"

These are the things I like enough to be "canon" to my messy hodgepodge of a DR

♡ Touken Ranbu (I don't understand a lick of Japanese but beautiful boys? Sign me up, the warriors game is um, there too)

♡ Demon Slayer (It's not the best shonen anime granted I don't like many, but I find it enjoyable and cute)

♡ My Hero Academia (Also not the best, but hey, I love it a lot! Still need to catch up on the anime)

♡ Sonic the hedgehog (If you think being a furry is cringe you are more cringe than you think being a furry is. You can call me a furry if you want though I don't personally self identify as one, doesn't mean I'm embarrassed though!)

♡ Yugioh (The game is like- dog shit but hey Jaden Yuki has had a grip on my clit for too long and HE WILL NOT LET GO. We're childhood friends to lovers btw ♡)

♡ Ayakashi romance reborn (It's really good you guys, play the stripped down mobile app while you can, the switch port is kinda sorta bad: says someone who bought it on switch anyway)

♡ Bakugan (RIP gen 2, I never knew you Gen 1 but will always have a crush on Dan and Shun, Gen 3, we don't talk to Gen 3)

♡ Beyblade (It's fun, Jan, why do I need any other eXcuse to like it? Real bladers will understand my dumb joke)

♡ Miraculous Ladybug (I only watch it to fuel my own better version of the show that exists solely in my own head, but that's just the case for the whole fanbase at this point)

♡ Kingdom Hearts/ FF (My favorite game in the series is Dream Drop distance or Union Cross, that should let you know how normie I am to a deranged degree. What I love about Kingdom hearts is the shit I make up about kingdom hearts. Also uh, Cloud hot or something.)

♡ PriPara/ Aikatsu (I'm not shifting to really interact with any PriPara or Aikatsu character it's more like the general Idol stuff is just in my DR. I'm also listing it because PLEASE TALK TO ME ABOUT PRIPARA OR AIKATSU AAAAA-)

♡ Fate Grand Order (It's really fun and interesting when it's not doing something questionable, Prisma Illya, whenever they're doing something with that poor little girl it's questionable)

♡ Genshin (I haven't bothered to play Fountaine, Genshin takes up a 100 gigs and my sister refuses to delete farcry six sorry-)

♡ The other 3 Hoyo games (Yes I'm grouping them all together but I play em' pretty casually)

♡ Diabolik Lovers (My 2nd problematic fave ♡)

♡ Black Butler (My number 1 problematic fave, all my BB fans out there know it is not of god ♡)

♡ Pokémon (I only WISH I could play into gamer girl stereotypes more by liking the Sims too)

♡ Danganronpa (Did I spell it right? I don't care tbh. I don't like the gameplay, sorry, I don't like investigating in any game period, I play it pretending it is an otome game, aka I play it wrong.... just need to actually finish 2 and play 3)

♡ Uta No prince sama (It's peak. Need I say more?)

♡ Obey me and What in hell is bad? (I think they both some of the most greedy and scummy gachas I've played but uh... love the characters. I don't think it's AS evil but I love UnholyC too!)

♡ Twisted Wonderland (I don't have to tell you I've connected it to the KH stuff right?)

♡ Cardfight Vanguard (Yugioh was like crack cocaine to me, it was the start, you think I wasn't gonna seek out TCG ecstasy either?)

Shadowverse (Card game weed... I wonder how obvious it is I'm writing these drug jokes as someone whose never done drugs...)

♡ Cookie Run (Uhhh, Uhh, running out of neurons to justify anything uhhhhh, twink cookies go brrr?)

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I also really like dress up games and I really wanna learn more about fashion.

I like hello kitty (The best character is my melo, DUH!), Bratz, Barbie, I really liked Rainbow high but they were like... doing a lot at once for me.

My favorite two dress up games are Life Makeover (Okay it's actually number 1) and Suit U (I love it but it is so god damn uniquely greedy) Everskies is fun too but I find it hard to find clothes you REALLY want and it can get samey, for me at least.

I'll be making a DR self lore and master list... naybe... soon? If you've seen my first post you know I want things to be relaxed here. I guess with previous side blogs I got anxious? I guess? But I'll update this paragraph here once or if I do that to a link.

I'll be doing a lot of DR self vanity posting and hey, if you wanna vanity post in my ask box go ahead if you'd like, being vain is very fun. But don't send real pictures of yourself, I think that's fair.

[gojonanami]

Lovely Sab!

I just wanted to send you a short message of appreciation for writing and sharing with us your beautiful stories!

I just discovered your page, and I honestly had such a fun time reading through your stories. I haven't read all of them, I must confess, but the ones that I've read were super enjoyable.

For me, personally, Three's a Crowd is a favourite. I'm just a little too in love with the idea of Suguru as an ethics professor. And Satoru was also such a fun and wonderful presence in that fic. I really enjoyed reading it. It was sexy. The dialogue felt authentic. You paid due deference to the characters while making them your own. It was truly a wonderful read, and I felt very sated!

I would just love to go through the process of discovering this fic anew. The introduction of Suguru was fantastic. Having him clean the board? The subtle detail of him rolling up his sleeves? His hair falling over his eyes? The way he talked about his course? The three lessons that he taught her? So sexy. And then the interaction later in his office? And Satoru coming in? So, so good.

And the circling back to that scene later on with Satoru bringing her to Suguru's office? And Satoru coincidentally making it to that party?

I just... it was so incredibly sexy and fun and enjoyable and entertaining and just overall fantastic.

Of course, I really liked your other fics. I'll be honest—I only read your Satoru and Suguru fics.

I really liked your domestic-orientated fics. I loved your fic Twenty Nine because it was so cute, but at the same time, it was just so bittersweet? I just wish he had actually gotten something like that. And I imagine that Satoru would be someone who would love to have a family.

In a similar vein, I loved Sit in My Lap. I just really love the idea of Satoru being a girl dad. And this little girl being sassy with her parents? How cute! And the fact that she, when she sees 'Santa', hides behind her mama's legs and needs her papa to take her to 'Santa'? How sweet! And the fact that she whispered to 'Santa' that she wants a sibling for her birthday? Also so, so cute! And the fact that Satoru heard that makes it so much cuter! Absolutely love, love, love it!

I very much look forward to reading more of your work in your future! You are a very talented, charismatic and charming writer! I can't wait to read more of your stuff.

(And also, please, do remember to take breaks and take care of yourself. I just wanted to emphasise this to you. I respect you as an individual, and I know that writing takes a long time, so please don't rush and just take your time. I just hope that you find writing and this blog fun, and we'll always be there to support you!)

Lots of love xx

oh my gosh, this message is so sweet. i've reread it several times, and i probably will reread it whenever i'm feeling down because it's simply so sweet

i'm so glad you enjoyed three's a crowd!! i'm glad their characters and dialogue came across authentic because that's one of the most important things to me so you saying that simply means the world to me T_T

satoru really deserves all the love - he deserves to be happy and deserves a family - and that's what i really wanted to express that want in that fic so i'm so happy you felt the same way through reading it!!

you're so incredibly sweet - i appreciate your kind words so much - it means so much to me :)

i really try to find this blog as a retreat -- sometimes it is hard because i feel like an arbitrary pressure to post which is literally from no one else but the productivity goblin in my head. i very much love this blog and writing and i will keep your advice and very sweet words in mind. thank you so much bb <333

[sheetbeat]

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hi! i'm leslie, a multifandom nut.

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SheetBeat is my main, AO3 is 24HoursRemain (◕‿◕✿)

this is a chonky post! sections are a heads-up, my stuff, characters and links.

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I'm 19, based in the UK (BST/GMT) and love a ton of things. Honestly, this post is here mainly to keep my brain sorted, with satisfying anyone's curiosity as a plus.

I'm very into DQXI, Banana Fish and especially Hunter x Hunter. That's not an exhaustive list. The following won't be either, but it's a start!

In the following fandoms I'm less active, but I don't love them any less. If you want to talk to me about these things, that would be just as swell!

- ffvii (mainly the original)

- jjba

- cardcaptor sakura (haven't seen clear card)

- ace attorney (haven't played dgs/gaa yet)

- fallen london

-monster and mawaru penguindrum (these I don't read fic for but I do read a bunch of analysis posts!)

- and reading outside of games / manga (sometimes)! Peake, Poe, Le Guin...

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☆.｡.:*　a heads-up　.｡.:*☆

Should've used one of the many appropriate specific hxh image references for this, like the Troupe's coin-tossing habit and what happened at the Arena around the Succession Contest time. Darn. Anyway...

- My main is SFW, but many of the series I'm into includes more heavy stuff. And my AO3 (sometimes NSFW) bookmarks reflect that, I think!

- Will make it a habit to tag properly. Please let me know if I slip up! Just be aware that I'm a fan of Banana Fish, which is an animanga series that takes a stab at very sensitive and potentially triggering topics. Take care - I'll be as clear as I can with tags so you can make informed judgement calls.

- The same goes for tagging major spoilers. I'll tread even more carefully with ongoing series and manga spoilers.

- By the way, any HxH fan who hates Gon, thinks he's bland /a psychopath / a monster? I respect your opinion, but we're never going to see eye-to-eye on that one 😅

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☆.｡.:*　my stuff　.｡.:*☆

I have work to do, but fandom is more fun.

- Betaing. I only do one fic at any one time.

At the moment, I'm very busy and very happy working on a HxH!BB entry :D

- HxH nerdcore recs including geek music from Brazil. Gets my minimal language muscles going and transcription is real rewarding. Plus, I get to share some cool songs!

I still need to start my nerdcore recs ^^"

- Greed Island writing prompt fills, provided by the server. It's a great community giving out HxH writing prompts based on the G.I cards among a ton of other challenges.

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☆.｡.:*　characters　.｡.:*☆

I'm a fan of quite a few characters. Naming all of them would take a while. Here are the ones I read about / analyse / think about the most.

Roughly in order, but love isn't a science. I do like a bit of cheesiness.

HxH Gon, Killua, Leorio, Hisoka, Melody/Senritsu, Bisky, Kurapika, Machi, Netero, Knuckle.

DQXI Sylvando/Sylvia : the wholesome jester who is actually a jester.

FF7 Barret and Aerith.

Jojo Josuke, Jolyne, Johnny and Gappy.

Banana Fish Am basic. Ash, Eiji, Shorter, Max.

CCS Tomoyo, Sakura, Syaoran, Toya

Ace Attorney Phoenix, Edgeworth, Maya, Apollo, Larry, Gumshoe, Athena

Monster Lunge, Eva, Tenma, Johan, Grimmer

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☆.｡.:*　check out my links　.｡.:*☆

...If you want! There's a couple of blogs I've not properly fleshed out. Shorter To Sing and Sheet Dump are pretty empty sideblogs. These are my links:

24HoursRemain is my AO3.

SheetBeat (hello! you're here!) is my main. It's for general fandom shenanigans - mostly HxH.

pop me a message - i love a natter!

Due to timezone tomfoolery and life getting in the way, I don't know when I'll be active. But I love rambling about fandom and hearing others do the same. Feel free to send a DM my way. We can talk about about some amazing series!

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[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi Rachel! Hope things are going well for you! I was wondering, since this is a frequent topic on your blog/channel, how do you still enjoy your work while letting go of perfectionism? Enjoying what I write is super important to my process and with keeping me going, but the constant over-worrying and embarrassment of what I put down really slows me down and leaves me feeling terrible lol... I know I need to learn to think differently of my own work but I’m a bit uncertain of where to start and what else I could try and appreciate instead. Sorry if this is too vague or broad of a question! No pressure to come up with a solid, one answer or anything. Just hearing your thoughts/experiences would be helpful!

This is a really, really good question! I wrote THIS ask that sort of addresses this too, if you haven't already seen it!

I think at the end of the day, loving your writing despite perfectionism all comes down to graceful self-compassion. Not every day is going to be perfect. Sometimes I still hate my writing (me! right! now!), and it's good to know that ahead of time. If I'm aware I'm not always going to like my work (which is realistic for me), I can then also tell myself that it doesn't make sense to harp too long on things I don't like when my opinion will inevitably change.

Some days it's really about gritting your teeth and pretending you like the work (also! me! right! now!). Find words or lines or images you like and focus your energy there!

One of the mistakes I made when first endeavoring on my writing self-love journey was making goals that were too big. I remember when I wrote Moth Work, the goal was "let's just dump all my shit writing here and see where that goes" and where that went was me developing severe perfectionism LOL. I then went alllll the way to other extreme and was like "okay well let me make all this writing perfect" which is literally an impossible task! Eventually I found the middle.

Now, I'm able to write something like Seventh Virtue and be like "ah yes, let me dump all my shit writing here" because the project also demands different things. For MW, it made no sense to ask myself of that when a HUGE part of what I enjoyed about writing that book was the actual prose itself (I mean makes sense, it's literary fiction). For SV, the prose is important, but not THE most important thing, so my goal of "don't care what happens I just want to have fun" is more feasible within those genre constraints.

So perhaps look at the project you're writing & see where you can create a realistic goal for yourself? I find asking what I like about the project helps inform those goals. So as I said, I liked the pretty prose in MW, so I wanted to retain that. The goal then became, "alright, I'll draft what I can in the moment, and I'll accept that at points, I'm not going to feel comfortable and I will feel cringe and I will feel embarrassed. But after my drafting session, I'll come back and tinker with the draft if needed" (this is actually how I'm currently writing BODY BACK haha).

For Seventh Virtue, I'm quite sensitive to the plot being causally warranted, so the goal is "okay, I'll try to draft each scene from the previous so a firmer causal chain is created, but I will miss scenes, write scenes that aren't needed, etc, and that's fine because I can address that later."

When I realized I could tailor my goal for the specific project, things really opened up for me because it showed me I didn't need to stick to one writing process. On here, y'all get basically first draft Seventh Virtue (99% of it hasn't been touched since coming out of my brain), but get a franken first draft-ish (sometimes 2nd or 3rd) of BB because I cycle through phrasings in my mind while I write (which I don't do in SV LOL). Those are two different drafting processes, so they deserve two different goals so I can better enjoy them.

Also I would say... don't be afraid of discomfort. Writing is so uncomfortable sometimes. I mean look at me in 2020--I HATEEDDD MW! And now it's like... the best thing I've ever written, IMO. We're not objective critics of our own work when we go into it hating it so much (or being embarrassed/ashamed by it, etc, whatever emotion fits your current situation). So that shows us the feelings we're having are feelings, not facts. And feelings are good to have! But they don't have to dictate everything forever. Feel them, and then *try* to accept them and move on. That might not be easy, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

I used to STRESS so much when a sentence/scene/paragraph wasn't working. Is that how I explain the 30-60k of each novel I cut between 2018-2020? Yep! Now I stress a little less. And I hardly cut things until I get to the actual revision process (~2k/project).

Okay finally, I've been meaning to use this analogy and this is the perfect timing for it. I've been learning the fun fingerstyle guitar in Jeff Buckley's version of Corpus Christie Carol for almost two months now. When I first started learning that song, LOL, I couldn't play ANYYYY of it. It confused me. I was frustrated. But, I genuinely knew that if I kept practicing, it'd sound 100% better a couple months from now. And now I can almost play it well haha.

It's funny how writers (me included!) forget that practice and failing and sounding bad and writing nonsense is a very important part of the process, but how in other art forms, it's just a given. My brother is an incredible musician and I would never expect him to play a riff perfectly on the first go when he's only heard it once or twice. When he makes mistakes when playing, I either don't notice at all or don't care because it's a given. I just KNOW that as a musician, if I keep practicing, I'll eventually get it (and I almost always do--in some cases, it's too hard and I quit, and that's fine to do too).

I'm actually learning a new song on guitar rn, I'll record it and put it in a video as a visual haha. The amount of times you play the exact same note over and over again... The amount of times you KNOW you're playing the wrong thing but keep playing it wrong anyway because it hasn't quite clicked... It's all part of it! I still enjoy that practice, because it's fun! We can apply that to writing too.

[krisyyydvd]

A rollercoaster 2024.

I don't know how to write this. In previous years, I have already done this yearly blog days ago. But now, I'm writing this on December 31, the last day of the year itself. It took me a lot of days thinking about what to write and what to be thankful about when all I feel right now is sadness and hurt. However, there are still good things that happened this year and no matter how bad things turned out, I need to document this because this is the main purpose of this blog, to write, remember and travel back in time.

January 2024, my year started with me travelling to my favorite country again, Tokyo, Japan and this time, it is SUPER COLD. Like -1, my face felt numb without a facemask and my hands got numb a minute I let go of my gloves. It's my first time seeing snow and experiencing this kind of weather, so yes, I am overreacting. I love coming to Japan, I love how I understand the people speaking Japanese when I can barely group Japanese words myself. Thanks, Anime. We went to see the moving Gundam, thankfully I saw it before they took it down. Mount Fuji, which is sometimes hidden from tourists but it was visible to us the whole day! The busy crossroads of Shibuya and Tokyo Disneyland! Sadly, due to weather, the fireworks got cancelled. This is my 2nd time going to Disneyland and I still haven't experienced this firework show!!! I guess that is another inspiration for me to go to Disneyland again. Btw, I blew off all my savings on this trip hehe. 

Then came February, my mother got her eye cataract operated before valentines, we gave her a DIY money flower bouquet which she loved. Of course, my Mr. Romantico never failed to give me Sunflower. Am I just..too pretty??? Then Tinter Bean had its first event in Nueva Ecija, also visited Little Vigan on the way home. March came, we launched our Sweets/Grazing Corner! Another baby business for us! This month, my mom got confined in the hospital but was thankfully discharged before our trip to Bicol! We missed our Family trips like this, but we didn't expect the long drive! We are on the road for 21hrs! Yes, 21 hours. All of our jokes and dreams are exhausted but we are still on the road. jsq. But the beauty of Bicol paid for all our exhausted feelings, Mt. Mayon was hidden most of the time, but when we catched a glimpse of it, it was MAJESTIC. Like it was so big and perfectly shaped! Their food was mostly spicy and this is the only place I liked Laing. We also did a titkok on the entire trip haha. The family also went to Misibis Bay, a luxurious resort in Albay but for me, it was just hmm 7/10. Haha. I flaunted all my belly fats here with my emerald swimsuit. Who cares, they don't know me. 

Summer came in April, to have a quick break on our busy schedules, my bb and I went on a day tour trip in Limliwa, Zambales. This was so much fun since there a only a few people around us because it's a weekday, We tried the ATV, snacks by the beach while admiring how beautiful the sunset was. May came, and this is the month dedicated for my mother because it was her birth month and it's mother's day. For her birthday, we went to San Antonio, Zambales. The resort was 10mins away from the beach itself so my senior parents just stayed at the resort. She was so happy here, we got her a huge cake, flowers, crown and sash as if she was a princess.We were happily singing Happy Birthday to her not knowing that this is gonna be her last birthday...she also had an accident here, she slipped in the bathroom on her own, there are many reasons why she will pass away on that incident, but she survived without any injury but her back was seriously hurt to the point that she needed assistance standing up and going to the bathroom. May is still a good month for our business, because this time, we went to Makati to serve coffee at VIU's mother's day event. I actually don't know if we gained profit here haha I just want it to pass that day. 

My birth month, June, started with a bang! We were invited to serve coffee for IU's concert in Philippine Arena! I still remember hearing her live voice during practice! However, we had a car mishap that night, we almost didn't come home because my car's battery got drained. Thankfully, there are car drivers nearby that helped us! whooh! Then I celebrated my birthday just how I dreamed it would be, a Jollibee birthday party. All my friends and family were there playing like a little kid, I guess we all healed our inner child. August came and so Adam's wedding. I was a grooms-maid? HAHA, I was part of the entourage on the groom's side. I almost launched a cocktail bar here. 

BER months were so busy so it felt like a flash. In October, I watched Olivia Rodrigo's concert even though I only knew 6 songs from her setlist. She was so good and I became a fan after. My sister and niece came home from New Zealand! We are so excited to bond together with the family as a whole, this time, with her husband as well. We went to the mall, had late night movies with espresso made by my bb barista. We also launched our coffee machine here! But this month, my mom was hospitalized again. She was there for 8 days due to respiratory failure, heart enlargement and pneumonia. They had her on full face oxygen mask just to blow out the carbon dioxide from her body which was toxic to her. Basically, her oxygen level falls down when she falls asleep if she doesn't have oxygen, her heart gets affected. This is her longest time in the hospital and the biggest bill we had. She was thankfully discharged, we asked for help from our relatives and paid through credit card. This time, my mother's health card was all maxed out. Right after she was discharged, we tried to make the most out of my sister's time here. We went to Dasol Pangasinan in November, went to church with the whole family for the first time and took a family portrait. My mom even cried before the mass started. I guess because she was thankful that we are all together? or did she get a message from God that she will be coming home to heaven after a month? God, we were so happy. We did everything a family would do once they are together as if we were running out of time.  Then, Yuki was sold and I bought my dream car, white montero named Yukito. 

Then December came, God am I ready for this... This is the busiest month for Tinter Bean with 26 booked events in a month. Dec 12, my mom was rushed to an emergency, almost got confined but came home because all the results are good. We are going out almost everyday for our business but on December 17, on our anniversary, Chester got on his knees and asked me to marry him. He worked with my closest friends and family for this surprise and I literally had NO IDEA it would happen like that! That was my dream! To be engaged! I was at my happiest that night, I went home and showed my mom the video of the proposal, my friends who saw my mothers's reaction even said that she almost cried but brushed it off with a joke. We celebrated until 3am with my HS buds and my mom who was enjoying it with my friend's baby. Dec 18, I spent the entire afternoon with my mom. I helped her get bathed, restroom breaks, did exercise, I made a spanish latte and we watched Legally blonde 2. God this day was so perfect for me and I realized that I want to be home more and spend quality afternoons together with my mom. However, that wish didn't come true. 

On Dec 19, a day which I thought was a normal day would be etched in my memory forever. I woke up in the morning rushing to get my car fixed, my mom was at the dining table as usual, I stayed out while waiting for my car and at 1:30PM she even called me if I was already coming home, or if I already ate. God this was our last conversation. If I knew, I would've explained to her how much she meant to me. That she was my world. At 5PM, I checked on her in her room, I thought she was just sleeping soundly but at 5:20PM when my father asked me to wake her up, my mother...was not responding anymore. I shouted MA, MA, with my lungs and hearts out. I was waiting for her to get back to me, I was hoping she would wake up. But she never did. We took her to the emergency, but it was already too late. My mom....passed away. How did I go from being on my "happiest" to my "saddest" within just 48 hours?

Days passed, we needed to be present at her funeral. We greeted families and friends, but deep inside we are all broken. We can only sleep due to exhaustion and lack of sleep but our minds are awake and our hearts are crying. I mean, what happened? Suddenly, I don't have someone to call "Ma" anymore. Suddenly, our house was lonely. Suddenly, my ultimate dream of getting married with both of my parents beside me can't come true anymore. I cried like I never knew hurt before, my heart is still crumpled as I am writing. We spent our last Christmas together with you, but this time, you were sleeping the entire time. The world is celebrating but our hearts are aching. I can't even greet "Merry Christmas" because it feels too heavy for me. But Ma, when I heard that you were smiling that you were happy, my heart felt lighter. That's all we want, your happiness. I hope you will bring all the good memories you had here because our sisters and I did our best to give you the best senior life. We promise to take care of our father and be with him everyday. We love you Ma, you were my world and heart of our home. I will try my best to recover and cope up from this, you raised 4 strong independent women and we got all those strengths from you. Just like our favorite song said, You are one of the few things worth remembering, how can anyone mean more to me, than you. 

Few hours ago, I didn't know how to end this. Not until I attended the New Year's Eve mass, the priest said that we cannot control life and there will really come a time when you will have to celebrate occasions without your loved ones because they passed away. But there is still a reason to celebrate New Year, that is to give FULL TRUST to the Lord. 2024 brought me to my highest happy moments and brought me on my most down saddest self. 

That's why, 2025, I will surrender you to the Lord, I know his plans are better than mine. I will now let go of the control, bring me your best shot. 

[thought-tracing]

media of the week!

10/11/2024

Music

Panavision by Roy Blair

well yes!!! I've actually... never listened to Roy Blair before the track, and I really like this one. The fact this track has production credits from CFCF, Deaton Chris Anthony, AND Instupendo like woah... he's tapped in, even more then me I fear. Excited to see where his new album takes him :D

Why Lies by SOPHIE

One of the songs I liked more out of the new posthumous SOPHIE album. I have my thoughts about the album.... will I publish those, nope. Not worth it, fun track tho!

Elevator Music: Swami Sound (DJ Mix) [Apple Music Exclusive]

Ohhh hell yeah, I love Swami Sound as an artist, and this DJ set is incredible. He had been teasing it a while ago so I guess Elevator Music delayed it for some reason, but its FINALLY out and its so fun. Had to listen to this on the morning commute it made the drive so much better.

Brat and it's completely different but also still brat

Ok so this album has practically taken over my life this week. It came out Thursday night and that's practically all I've been listening to for the day, its incredible. It's everything I wanted a remix album to be. I absolutely fucking adore the brat project, I think I'm gonna write a blog post about it, its just so good.

Here are my select standout (new) tracks:

Club classics featuring bb trickz

Sympathy is a knife featuring ariana grande

Everything is romantic featuring caroline polachek

Rewind featuring bladee

So I featuring a. g. cook

this one especially is so beautiful and amazing and fun for being such an emotional track. I love everything about this remix, its amazing.

B2b featuring tinashe

Mean girls featuring julian casablancas

and of course... 365 featuring shygirl

ok so that's practically all of the new tracks... but they are all incredible so listen to them anyways.

Movies

Joker: Folie à Deux

Ok, this movie is not as bad as everyone is making it out to be, it was pretty enjoyable to me. BUT I have NOT seen Joker (2019)... so this likely effects my opinion a LOT. Like sure I could see how the plot would be boring for someone coming from Joker (2019) (haven't seen the movie but I've heard enough to know its crazy), like I would probably be dissapointed if I was a fan of Joker (2019) and was waiting patiently for a new one. But like... its not as terrible 0/5 unwatchable garbage as everyone is making it out be. idk I enjoyed myself, maybe it was because I was just making fun of it with my friend in the theater lol.

another thing to note: me and my friend were the ONLY ones in the theater. there were other seats reserved for our showing, and they didn't show up. we had the entire theater to ourselves. which is a... wild experience. I mean to be fair it was a Thursday night but like, brand new Joker movie and nobody is showing up????

TV

I watched Heartstopper Season 3, it was okay.

Games

I've just been playing Counter-Strike 2 lately.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!

[sol-consort]

Hey, I've been reading up on your Dragon Age Inquisition adventures! Your Inquisitor is indeed pretty and I love the explanation you give for having her be a dual dagger rogue. Snotty nobles <3

You're right, the world is really big. The common advice is to get out of the Hinterlands ASAP or you will get bogged down, but back when I played the game (which was around the time it was released 😭 so my memories are bound to be even more muddled than my memories of P2 when I first found your Patho blog), I was categorically incapable of doing this until I did everything there was to do. I left no stone unturned, in any of the areas, and never lost interest, but I also had a lot more time and patience for that type of game then. That being said, I'm excited for DA4.

I also always had a physical strategy guide open in front of me so that made it more manageable, lol.

Cassandra and Vivienne are my faves ♥️ "something something characters who are religious are hot" asdfhg honestly that's so real. When it's a fantasy setting I feel the same apparently.

In my first playthrough, my Inquisitor was an elf archer and she became my favorite little gremlin ever ♡ She only looks gremlinesque though; she was rather diplomatic and moderate, or as Lana Del Rey once said, "No moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality," a.k.a. the human behind the screen wanted to experience all companion quests and be universally liked.

She romanced Solas and I loved it! Listen yeah I know some people can be a little annoying about Solas (stans and haters both) and I'm not attracted to the guy, but narratively it was satisfying. Yes he's a dillweed, whatever, I don't care 😇 #noregrets. I would have romanced Cassandra if possible, but I played on PS4, so no mods for me.

Second playthrough, my Inquisitor was a human mage who romanced Cullen. I was going for the whole internalized magephobia thing and the Cullenmance seemed the proper course of action for that, but I won't lie, it was kind of dull. Absolutely would have romanced Vivienne in this run instead if I could have. Similar to your Inquisitor, mine also quickly started to believe she was the Herald of Andraste for real.

I feel like I'm always doomed to fall for the unromanceable companions/characters. A fact that could perhaps be psychoanalyzed.

Here are the bbs. Sorry for the hastily cobbled together composition.

While we're on the topic of magephobia uhhhhhhhh I've never played DA2 but Knight Commander Meredith?? Now there's an evil woman I need biblically.

I hope you're well and taking care of yourself :)

wait what? So I'm not actually the herald of Andraste?? if that's true, that's a massive plot spoiler. Why would you mention it, I wanted to experience the game organically, this is my first time playing any dragon age game.

I didn't ask to know about cullen's romance being dull, I wanted to experience it for myself and form my own opinion about him. Same with Solas, I didn't think he's popular in the fandom, I haven't looked through the main tag yet to avoid spoilers.

I understand that you're excited, but you shouldn't have gone into as much detail as you have. You got to play the game many times, this is my first, I'm not even using a guide and it's hard enough as it is to accept my losses when they come and not worry about approval.

I would've loved this ask if you had just skipped over your playthrough details and just showed me the inquisitor pictures. I know you didn't mean to spoil things but information will slip you by.

I thought Vivienne was romance-able, I swear I picked flirty options with her...she isn't, huh.

[xazz]

Hey BB!

I'm the anon from a few weeks back who was asking about moth wings and said I was going to reread Flocking Movement

I actually ended up rereading Back For More from start to finish lols!

I did end up commenting on both and I've reread/read a few new things too :)

I've been having a tough time mental health wise and for whatever reason reading your fics actually helped with my writers block (based on what I thought was physical health/brain fog) and I've been writing sooo much recently I've added like 15kish to one of my WIP and 8k on the other!

Hope you've been having as much progress with your writing :)

I remember a while ago reading some old fanfic of yours with a character named.... Spa? Spayar? I think I saw him mentioned on your writing blog (I follow both! Been tempting me into maybe making a writblr haha) I think he's one of your original OCs right?

I don't recall if you have any of your original works on Tumblr / AO3

Sorry for the blather, I'm playing DND while typing this so my heads a bit all over but I has the courage to type this while playing so wanted to send it while the shyness went away <3 - D/V (can't remember which I used to sign off last time whoops for having two internet fake names lol)

Ah B4M. Haven't thought about that fic in years oof

I'm glad my silly writing helped you break out of your writer's block. That's a lot of writing I'm really proud of you.

Yes I do have original stuff on my AO3. The VERY old version of Zealous Servant (which is where Spayar is from) and some other stuff set in that universe. I do plan on posting the new versions on my writblr and AO3 again but not until I'm back home from the holidays.

[bonefall]

God I am so tired of Bramble fans who refuse to use critical thinking and believe that brambleclaw and squilf are equally bad. Many also hate on moonkitti's video which they most likely haven't even watched or misconstrued points in it. You can like a character without defending all their actions please I'm begging you

And people will sometimes jump to their defense, saying that people just dogpiled them for liking a character the fandom doesn't like, and while that can happen, sometimes people are actually dogpiling them for ignoring abuse and insulting creators with different opinions

(Some discourse happened on Twitter recently about this but it's something I've seen happen before, I'm not specifically talking about anyone)

I'm going to be honest and drop my feelings.

Never have I ever actually SEEN a Bramblefan "get dogpiled" for liking Bramble.

I come out here on my massive soapbox every couple of weeks and drop whole essays on this guy, I chat casually about how important he is to me as a character, both as someone who was abused in a way similar to Squirrelflight AND as someone who can relate to Bramblestar's situation, and before BB got so large and my attention was easier to divide I even ran an AU called Sweet Nothings which had a "big brother" Bramble take in it.

There is no shortage of Bramblestar-related posts around here, yet, I have never, NEVER gotten shit for when I talk positively about Bramble.

In fact, he's commonly cited as one of the favorite cats to see on this blog from my audience. I get praise for addressing him with nuance, explaining how his actions are abuse while also keeping him human, talking about how his life is a painful cycle of self-doubt that makes him double down on his worst decisions. Every time I post about him, I get an influx of comments centered around how my takes on him are appreciated.

What I DO see is people who make art where they try to bothsides him and Squirrelflight, or say something completely false about his behavior, or straightup post DARVO tactics to defend their fav's honor. When someone makes a comment that goes "uhmm? Bit strange innit?" they call it "harassment." Or when people block them, they call that "receiving hate."

OR when someone makes a vaguepost like "Heyyy, DARVO is an abuse denial tactic where the abuser or their apologists Deny the abuse took place, Attack the accuser, and then Reverse Victim and Offender to claim they were actually the person harmed. Bramblestans are playing this out, step for step, and that's bad!" they call THAT dogpiling.

Meanwhile Moonkitti got death threats and was actually harassed for posting Bramblestar Is Worse. To the point where she is hesitant to ever make another video on the topic.

So y'know what? Hot take? The stans don't actually like Bramblestar. They like the vague idea of a sadboy character who broke free from his dad's legacy so they slurp up the framing of the notorious abuse apologist writers, and they get mad when people who have critically engaged with the books don't see what they desperately crave.

How can you really LIKE a character if you can't engage with their actions? If you need to surround yourself in an unpoppable bubble and can't accept anything he's done in the 20+ years he's been active? How can you truly love a man without all his mistakes?

It's sooo hard to be me, Tumblr User Bonefall, the ONLY one who likes Bramblestar correctly. It's rough out here.

[spacecowboysfrommars]

FAM WHEN I SAY I'M SCREAMING I-

I-

no actually no I'm whispering whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuckw

my BOYS

TOGETHER

MY BOYS

Congrats I'm returning to tumblr (once again shh) for the sole purpose of SHRIEKING AT YOU ABOUT THAT LAST CHAPTER OF TWWW

Oh my GOD.

SPOILERS IF ANYBODY HASN'T READ IT YET (though like fr what are you doing if you haven't? fake fans) ANYWAY

Tony opening up to Nat?? Nat understanding and bringing up her sister???? NAT FIGURING OUT HOW TO FIND PETER (which like GOD they're all so stupid but like wow what a solution hiding in plain sight wtf). Tony not waiting even a second for backup he's just like FUCK this I'm finding my kid?? Osb*rn's little drama??? PETER STANDING UP TO HIM??? FOR TONY??????? my child BETTER take that as a healing experience and not feel guilty for removing such an evil waste of space from the surface of the earth. man dESERVES to rot in hell thanks bb. The part where Peter ends up like hugging Tony so hard and they're both collapsed on the ground and peter's trying to crawl closer into tony's chest (which you KNOW is my favorite shit like that's my shit right there)????

FAMMM!!!!!!!!!

T-TTTTTTT

(spoilers over)

the ONLY lil note i'd mention is like, you say "shaking like a tree in a hurricane" kinda a lot, and it's such a kickass line that maybe u should save it for only the most kickass moments. but otherwise this is a fucking masterpiece

I can't wait for the epilogue <3 <3 <3 I despise you <33333

(in the lowest of keys, any chance you've already written it and would send it to me privately early? in addition to kicking myself off tumblr I'm probably gonna kick myself off ao3 starting tomorrow :( just because I have truly zero self-control and therefore cannot be trusted with nice things while also having Responsibilities. i'd just...be so sad if I couldn't read the epilogue :( and I'd also be a lil bummed if i had to break my "no ao3" in order to read said epilogue because then i'd probably be like, "well, next month I guess :D" which is NOT a good idea lmaoo. no pressure if you can't or haven't written it yet or don't want to tho)

right so tldr I cannot STAND you and I value and adore you so much. You cannot be trusted with my heart, and yet you hold it in one hand and in the other you've got thro's motherfucking hammer full of your words and you're holding it with a DEMONIC amount of glee

UGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhHHH <3

HZHSIWJWBDJWISHSBD

LOVE YOU

ok so I would absolutely be okay with privately sending you the epilogue, but my private messages on Tumblr aren’t working whatsoever, and I’m unable to see messages or send anything) I’ve emailed the support team but never got a response) so if there’s any other way I can work out sending it to you, that would be great (maybe in your AMA?)

P.S so happy that you’re prioritizing your mental health at the moment (even if I miss ur regular blog updates terribly) because Responsibilities are important. Take all the time you need <333

[graphicabyss]

2021.06.18 さんまのまんま初夏SP 5/5

Sanma-san then asked whether they have social media accounts and they said they don't, though some Johnny's have them these days. Shige added that they haven't really discussed it because they really just focused on making it through this year. Massu then said that even though they don't have sm, they have their blogs and Koyama posts a lot of selfies. He thoroughly imitated it to Koyama's quiet protests. Shige joined in telling about Koyama taking selfies in the dressing room. Sanma-san admitted he was surprised Koyama was the narcissistic one because he was sure it would be Kato. Massu said people on Instagram would be posting photos of the places they've been to and such and Koyama just takes pics of his face, in a bath, in a bed or in a car. Koyama said he doesn't even know how many people are reading his blog and Kato said it would be bad if there's only like 300 people. They kept trolling him mercilessly until Shige reminded they might become a duo.

They then noted that some people who are watching the show might not know NEWS and Shige said he was lacking confidence as they're still "new" but Massu stepped in to say that they have always been in the band from the start and have always worked hard. We know, bb.

Sanma-san said that their friendship must have strengthened this past year and they agreed. Shige said the dressing room became very quiet. I can imagine. Sanma once again teased them that it might get even quieter if someone else leaves and they were mock exasperated asking him to stop trying to guess but he did saying it would probably be Kato because of his writing career. The last few minutes were spent trying to explain the title of their latest single, Burn, which I didn't really get. I don't like the way Japanese shows just cut off the endings randomly.

Anyway, it was a great show and while there's no escaping the NEWS' loaded past, I am so relieved to see they are holding on strong and seem happy. I also actually enjoy the deadpan self-conscious humour. That's just my cup of tea.

[huenjin]

2020 year end greetings.

disclaimer: this is going to be very long ( ˶ ❛ ꁞ ❛ ˶ ), but that's how much gratitude i have and so much more of love.

2020. ah, this year was a very emotional journey for me and how i wish i could sing jessi's gucci all throughout. however, that was not the case. tumblr helped me run away from all those irl miseries. these people made me feel at home.

this skz writing blog has been existing from the last few days of september and it came to life when i was losing motivation to write on my main (which i closed down because stray kids made me like writing back again) and it's stayed since then. you guys have stayed since then. grateful, a one hundred times and more.

so, this is rue, getting sappy and so much more thankful for everything i have and recieved with this blog. this is rue, asking you to accompany me for a little more and to listen to the stories i have to share. the is rue with heart full of nothing but love for each one of you.

to each one of my mutuals, for whom i pray to the stars to shower you with nothing but fortune —

@sinisterlyhan ♡ eiko, best thing i ever did was hit you up. how are you always so calm? or at least that's the tone i have in my head when i read your texts. it's so pleasant to talk to you. ily. and let me get started on your writing — you've heard this from me like every day but ma'am, you make magic. you lace stars together to form such a beautiful constellation of a writing and i fall in love a little more. thank you for inspiring me to always do better!

the hyunsung demon!au (whew!) — 01. 02. 03.

this hyunjin bad boy!au

@mochinnie ♡ isa, how i wish you handled yourself with a little more care. you're so fragile and delicate and i just want to protect you ?? so much ??? you're precious and one of the most beautiful people i have met. your characterisation is just perfect and god, i wish i could once write headcanons like you do. thank you for being my friend and for fangirling to me and for loving me. it means the world. psst, ily.

this seungmin fic

querencia | hh

@sparklemin ♡ nara!!!! big brain nara! god i love how your asks make my whole day and how you bring up different minho agendas in my head. you have my whole heart and i'm in love with you bye

girlfriend | bcn

hidden confession | bcn

@bearseungmin ♡ dawnie babie thank you for being such an enthusiast all the time while talking. you're so cheerful and happy and thank you for being this nice <33

beat it to the door | bcn

could listen to you read the dictionary | lfl

@chogiout ♡ yah, kira! sometimes i want to whack the back of your head like i whack my sister's, okay? it's the same kinda sibling love with you. fuck, not ever going to let you leave me. after all, my parents taught me to take responsibility of the stuff i rid innocence of. (lmao, sorry, bitch ily!!)

memoir | jyh

this youth of craziness | csn

@mikoto-ica-fics ♡ mi, bb! thank you for being so supportive. istg, if it weren't for you reblogging that one fic of mine, my fics would have never seen light to this day. it's easy to get lost in the tags hehe. and then i happen to text you and omg, aren't you the nicest ever? i love your story ideas, the way you write, the way you interact with people and thank you for talking to me. you make me want to be better.

entangled | lmh, hjs

power grab | hjs

@toffee-hwa ♡ ana! anaaaa~ you're so enthusiastic and supportive and fuck, i looooove ranting and fangirling to you! and the minute i know you're watching the same kdrama as i am, i just go like wheeeeeee— HAN SEOJUN!!! lmao, but thank you so much for talking to me, for listening and for caring! my romanian queen, you pretty human, you're the best!

yet, pt.i

yet, pt.ii

@chandisiacs ♡ yah, pav! must i drag you back to tumblr from twt? must i? i miss you. i really do and i can't wait to have your arse back here. thank you for being such a lively person to talk and hang out with, eee! and not at how you succeeded nano! inspirational! thank you x

thread of all your legendary aus

starboy | bcn

@unsaidhj ♡ you're so soft. and god i love you? and your aesthetics. it's a thing, ma'am. i existed to see your aesthetics lmao. and then i text you and you're so kind omg. i could never hate you so please, ma'am, stop telling me that in panic? huihui, ily and i hope you stay healthy. place yourself first, bb.

knife under my pillow | hhj

scammer, scammed | bcn

@sleepylixie ♡ yo, neighbor! you reminded me how small the world can actual get! love love talking to you about irl stuff because you can understand how messed up it is! and you're so kind, ah!!

in umbra

passion's abyss | lmh

@dreamyhan ♡ one of the few people i see on my dash and go like — hazeeeeeeeeel! you're just so nice, god. like if cotton candy was a person, it would be you, alright? and then there's your writing ability that skyrocket off the roofs because it is that good. thank you for being so supportive and nice to me! x

next time | bcn

in his arms | hjs

@itsapapisongo ♡ boy, my main man, javi!! your work was once my most favorite thing to listen to. loved how the mall worked and everything. and then there's how supportive you are like omg. if only i could explain the courage you give me. it's infinite. you make me feel infinite. also, #hardhours, right?

george of the jungle

swimming fool

@kabira ♡ typing the url down was even more romantic, manx. don't ever change this. love how strong and bold you are. love your opinions and love your writings even more. you're one of those few people who write like they mean every word from their heartstrings. thank you for providing us with stories to tell for eons. x (psst, ily so much!)

backstreet driving | hhj (that's the first skz fic i read because it was from you and not because it was skz and aren't i glad?)

sic semper tyrannis | lty

@dalknow ♡ the only other person on tumblr that i text religiously on discord. i love talking to you, bb. love getting personal with you. love how i can share absolutely anything. thank you for trusting me. thank you for listening to me. thank you for loving me. can't wait for you to put your stories back up on this acc. you're undefeatable and i know you'll have that known.

to each one of my anons, for whom i pray that you stay safe and healthy and most importantly, happy —

🧸 :: put you on the anon list because in my head you are that anon — my very first one and the one that lit up my whole world. it's kind of a very proud moment when someone wants to talk to you. you made me feel that. you made feel loved. and to see how well your blog is doing now, god, i feel like a proud mother.

🐠 :: my greek princess. the fact that i learnt more about breads from you than from my school makes me laugh hehe. you really did light up my world with every ask you sent me and had me unknowingly hope that you are happy in every minute. and now that i know who you are, i'm even more content because you're a mutual too now!

🍧 :: god, you have a special place in my heart, ice cream anon! maybe because you liked me more than my fic and followed me here even though you were an anon from my bts blog. fuck, if that didn't make my heart flutter, nothing ever will! (hush, your relationship is something i am still rooting for!!)

🦊 |🌹| 🥀 | 🛸 :: the way you guys keep checks if i'm staying hydrated and healthy. i am. and even when i wasn't, your asks made me go drink a cup of water ha! thank you for loving me x

tiktok anon :: ♡♡♡♡♡♡ yes idk what else to say to you but that i would give you a piece of my heart. your tiktok asks make my whole day. it's something i look forward too! thank you for always making my day!

and to my other anons, tagged or untagged :: thank you for sending me an ask. every single one, either telling me to stay happy or hydrated, or that my fic was great or that you're feeling extra horny that day (we've all been there!) i appreciate it and thank you for making me smile! x

to all the mutuals that i admire, look upto and wish we talked waaaay more, let's do it soon please! and to some mutuals that i just miss talking to! —

@nightshade-minho (ily! x nicest bean ever!!) :: @satanssmuts :: @lovebini :: @seraplantery :: @xiaojunssmile :: @chan-skz :: @chanluster :: @decembermoonskz :: @bangtantaegi (queen!!) :: @yunhozone (i miss you!!) :: @inkigayeo :: @vocalyunho

i hope each one of you stay happy, content and loved. my memory is pea sized and so i do pray that i haven't forgotten any! thank you for being my mutuals, for sharing laughter and talks with me for these months i've been here! i’m sorry if i missed anyone, but i seriously do appreciate everyone that i’ve ever talked to on here though! i hope to see you all next year and let's be happy together !!

with much love, x rue!