#i haven't actually watched it yet but ive been meaning to... it's been a bad year for tv (eg i've had trouble finding the time to watch it)

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

im a trans boy who has grown up with very oppressive religious parents so ive never gotten the chance to experiment sexually or romantically with peers irl, im about to move to the city for college in the fall

(i will be living on campus with two roommates who i haven't met yet and i know basically nothing about, one of them i will be sharing a bunk bed with)

im really nervous about how im gonna do socially.. ive had a really hard time making and maintaining irl friends for like my entire life, which has been really upsetting for me obviously.

being able to experiment sexually is something im really wanting to do and im really really nervous about it, i know that the most straightforward advice is just "talk about it to people you wanna do sex stuff with" but like everything is new to me i havent had the chance to really socialize irl up until this point and now im being shoved into a group of other young adults who all have the prior experience of being well socialized and having complex interpersonal relationships with peers

i also feel extremely insecure about my lack of experience, like is it actually normal for someone my age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter? are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong?? i can't watch porn bc looking at strangers having sex grosses me out!! im pretty sure my front hole is like unnaturally tight?? anything wider than two of my fingers is uncomfortable and no matter how much prep and easing myself into it i do, it stays that way.. and i think my cervix is also lower than most, about 3-4 inches is the maximum that i can insert before i can feel it bump my cervix (which hurts REALLY BAD)

im just so nervous and scared about my own body and personality and all that andi don't know where to look for resources or reassurance. ive never been to the doctor for any kind of reproductive care and im really scared to!!! i live in a state that has completely outlawed abortion rights and im really scared that if i go to planned parenthood or something to get like a checkup that they will be mean and not gentle with me

i don't know, i guess im just looking to be heard and hopefully pointed towards some resources if anyone has any, thank you for the work you do and thank you for taking the time to read my panicked ramblings

hi anon,

there's a lot happening here so I'm just doing a numbered list

1.) man, how did the third guy luck out and avoid the bunk bed? you don't have to answer that, I'm just curious how you guys have already worked out that two of you are stuck with the bunk beds. unless you're into bunk beds (I was), in which case mazel tov.

2.) in the nicest way possible, I think you may be vastly overestimating how "well socialized" other students are going to be. reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like you were maybe home schooled, or at least don't have very much experience mingling with other people your age without adult supervision. I guarantee you every public school in the world is also full of introverted freak losers who rock up to college with no idea of what they're doing; I was one of them. the majority of first year college students are also running around panicking and trying to figure out how to be away from their parents for the first time; everyone is a loser and no one is cool.

would it comfort you at all to know that my day job is organizing events at my office's LGBT student resource center? I spend a lot of time hanging out with queer first year students, and I love them dearly, and they're all cringefail losers. it's unavoidable. every 18 year old is a cringefail loser. every single person on Earth looks back at their 18 year old self and goes "goddamn, what a cringefail loser." and it's fine! it's so normal! that's the entire point of your first year of college! you try things and you're socially awkward and you meet some of the most important people you will ever meet and you meet people whose opinions about you won't matter literally at all and you'll completely change how you think about everything for the rest of your life and you'll think you're going to die and everything will be fine!!!!

anyway moving on

3.) it's normal for anyone at any age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter. I'm assuming you value my insight at least a little, since you sent this, so would it help you to know that I arrived at college as virginal as could be (wildly insecure about it, btw) and didn't have sex for the first time until I was almost 21? would it comfort you to hear from my housemate, also transmasculine, who gave me permission to share that they've never had sex and that none of their life problems really have anything to do with being a virgin?

4.) "are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong??" hard to say, since I don't know what those things are, but probably not. it's extremely hard to get masturbating wrong, no one knows what feels good to you better than you. you're sort of an authority here. masturbating isn't exactly like partnered sex, of course, but it's a really good place to start learning about things that you like and make you feel good.

5.) everything you're describing about your front hole sounds very typical. two fingers is the max number of comfortable fingers for a lot of people, regardless of experience; often, taking something larger doesn't become easier until after having penetrative sex with a partner. average vaginal depth is about 3.6 inches, and while that can increase significantly with arousal, it's something that doesn't generally happen if you're not relaxed during sex. if I can be a bit presumptuous, it sounds like sex and masturbation are maybe a bit anxiety-inducing for you, in a way that is pretty much perfectly contradictory to comfortable penetration. if I can offer you some advice I wish I could give my younger self: calm the fuck down, buy some lube, stop worrying so much about making your body react the way you think it should and learn to appreciate what it's actually doing, and maybe see if your campus has some free therapy options available. anxiety meds probably wouldn't hurt this situation. also stop hitting your cervix if that hurts oh my god.

6.) Planned Parenthood is generally one of the best places to go if you're nervous; they're aggressively queer friendly and tend to be extremely accommodating of patients' needs. I personally do not care for penetration at all and have a difficult time with Pap smears, and every examiner I've ever had at PP has been an angel about letting me take breaks and swear my way through it. it ain't fun, but if you want to have an adventurous sex life you need to take care of the health of yourself and your prospective partners by getting STI tests and Pap smears.

you're so normal, calm down, I love you

[cryleforhelp]

do you have any k2 fanfic recommendations??

HI ANO N Very honored u came to me for this lol i'm also going to be including fic recs my friends gave to me because i haven't been reading (ive been busy lately!) fic recs below the cut!

Mysterion Begins | K2/Kysterion | T | TW: None author: indirectkissesiniceland I'm still reading this! The chapters feel short but the pacing + story is so good. Kenny and Kyle's relationship in here is sooo ;;_;; it's so soft to me and I'm such a sucker for pining.

SUMMARY: Four years of college didn't get Kyle any closer to figuring out what he wants to do with his life, but his friend Jimmy pulls through for him with an opening in the newspaper office where he works. Newbies have never been known to get glamorous work, of course, and Kyle's first assignment proves it: a filler piece on a costumed vigilante calling himself "Mysterion." When a dangerous situation brings him face-to-face with the hero himself, however, Kyle—and the growing number of readers his articles on the friendly neighborhood superhero bring in—seeks the answer to a question that burns within him: Who is Mysterion? it's three am, i hope you're home | K2/Kysterion | T | TW: None author: JuniperTrees AGH.. SORRY I'M A SUCKER FOR KYSTERION. THIS ONE WAS VERY GOOD, I want to tell you my favorite part but I don't want to spoil it for you!! I think when you read it, you'll know which part it is (hint: it's near the end. LMFAO) SUMMARY: Kyle knows what he wants, but Mysterion keeps climbing in through his window. back to december | K2 | T | TW: None author: JuniperTrees AJGSKLKJHFG9AOJLGKHSHSJODGDKLHJSAGNBLDKFSHJSJGISLKBMSDHJSOIGKLSAGJNASKHSAJSGJSALDK TTHE Y FALL IN LOVE. AND THEY GROW OLD. AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. One of my favorite fics, I just really love seeing K2 grow up together and the way the author wrote it was phenomenal. SUMMARY: Kenny has always been involved with Kyle’s holiday celebrations in one way or another. Take Me High and I'll Sing | K2/Kysterion | E | TW: domestic violence, smut author: Courtanie sorry for being kysterion trash i didnt mean it. i actually really enjoyed this fic, i think the author did a great job on portraying kyle's character when it comes to him being concerned about kenny being mysterion (idk if that makes sense). it gave me a rollercoaster of feeLS and ugh... its... its soft. im so bad at giving opinions im sorry LMFAO SUMMARY: For far too many years Kyle has watched Kenny slipping in and out of his heroic persona, wondering each night if it would be their last together. But when it's his needs stacked against the safety of the rest of their town, finding common ground is far more difficult than either of them could have accounted for. Lionheart | K2, Creek | T | TW: None author: indirectkissesiniceland i haven't read this one, yet! though, my good friends recommended it twice AND it's by indi so i trust that this is v v v v good :) SUMMARY: For far too many years Kyle has watched Kenny slipping in and out of his heroic persona, wondering each night if it would be their last together. But when it's his needs stacked against the safety of the rest of their town, finding common ground is far more difficult than either of them could have accounted for.

Ok, Cupid It Isn't Funny Anymore | K2 | T | TW: None author: Courtanie this one is my favorite because i love the oblivious pining and k2 being the dumbest people on planet earth when it comes to each other. stan is so sick of their bullshit here KLJDSGLKSGJSDFLKJ SUMMARY: Years of sabotaging one another's dates and dancing around feelings have led Kenny and Kyle to fall into states of pitiable loneliness. Living under the same roof sure doesn't help the situation, but some vodka might. Playback | K2 | T | TW: None author: Corrupted_Quiet i love britney spears ok and kenny here loves her too. this is one of my favorite fics !! i hope you like it as much as i did too, i thought it was really cute and the way author uses music here is fun! SUMMARY: Kenny's always listened pop music, with its bumping beats, simple lyrics, and easiness at capturing the complexities of love. Sometimes he feels himself in those songs, especially when pining over Kyle Broflovski. No one else knows that part, though, secret kept between himself and his playlist of Britney songs. But one day, his music decides to stop playing quietly, and start blasting out of his head. Oh, baby, baby, how was he supposed to know?

Daywalkerpox | K2/Kysterion (Side Stendy & Creek) | E | TW: sexual content author: Zormikea THIS WAS THE FIC THAT MADE ME SHIP K2 EVEN FURTHER. I have to reread this fic because it's been a while but oh my god i could not stop reading it when i first saw it.. SUMMARY: It’s not love. It’s not affection. It must be a disease, then.

Kyle wonders if it’s curable. Kenny knows it isn’t. Peering Through Windows | K2, Cryle (Side Stendy) | E | TW: graphic depictions of violence, non-con, major character death, sexual content author: jwink85 PLEASE be super cautious going into this fic as it does include a lot of heavy topics and depictions of said warnings listed above. that being said, this was one of the first fics that i read coming back to the fandom (i found it through the animatic based off this fic LOL). personally i like it, i really enjoy the author's storytelling here and how she takes care of certain events happening in the fic. i get that this might not be everyone's cup of tea though! please note that craig here plays a heavy villain in this story and kyle is the victim of the villain in this story, so if they're one of your favorite characters and you don't want to see them this way i think it's best to avoid this one! SUMMARY: Kyle was so in love with the good doctor until he revealed himself to be a monster...by then, it was too late. Fell In Love with a Dead Boy | K2 | T | TW: None (character death but it's kenny's) author: spirograph I NEVER READ THIS ONE!! BUT MY FRIEND SAID THIS AS A RECOMMENDATION SO I'm going to put this down here for you! I hope you like it, anon! SUMMARY: In the 3rd grade Kenny dies for the first time. OKAY, I'll stop here. Let me know what you think when you read some of these, anon!!!!! if i had to suggest what to start off with first i'd suggest mysterion begins and/or daywalkerpox!!!!! two very very very good fics!!!!!!!! if i have anymore in mind, i'll reblog this with add ons!!!!!!!!!!! :DDD @herbietales and @allymumu helped me out with fic recs so if needed, you can ask them too!! <333

[snufflepup]

Hm, they sound interesting. I've never heard of them before lol, like when you talked about tablet ice-cream. That of which I actually haven't tried yet cause my mom won't take me to the store :P. Oof, maybe if I can ever come to the UK and we can meet up, then that could be a thing we can do together^^. I enjoyed it a good bit for something live action, and I remember finding a good couple of the guys hot lol. What's your favorite studio ghibli movie? Mines always been spirited away and totoro. Though I liked ponyo a lot too. I've only seen the more popular movies from them, but I wanna watch the other movies too really badly. That actually makes sense lol, I've never heard it said like that, but I understand how the whole power of friendship thing is actually practical in the anime now. Lol thats cute. Who was your favorite character when you watched it? I allways liked bakugou and toga. I love yanderes in different media, and shes just so cute!^^ i used to have space buns like her in 6th grade before i realized they didnt make my roundish face look good. Then i cut my hair pretty short, so i cant do it now lol. Now i go for more of the denki kinda haircut but a little wavy cause thats my hair type. Yeah! Aqua is a water goddess that he uses his last dying wish to bring down to the new magical world with him out of spite lol. Then he meets darkness (masochist yellow girl) and some magical little girl I forgot the name of but her main color is red. I like how his group is basically primary colors and he's green lol. Im actually not that into issekai anime, more so psychological or mystery ones such as tomodachi game and bungou stray dogs. Im embarrased now- im sorry i misunderstood. My little lesbian friend doesnt cuss so i just assumed you were like that too cause i mean idk if ive seen you cuss lol. m glad your day has been alright, apart from that I mean. I understand lol. I get had hearing days a lot cause of how often I have in earbuds and just get hearing fatigue. I swear a ton too lol, though guess that's mostly due to my smoldering southern charm (ゝω・) /j. But my probably most used cuss word is fuck. Or bitch, though I use that more as a word of endearment, like you're my bitch. Though you'd be a guy puppy so I can't really say that :P. Is there a name for guy puppies like there is for girls? Idk any lol. Glad you're excited about more ft content^^ what is it? More chapters to the Manga or a new season to the anime or something? I hate when my asks don't send >:(. How's your day been? I got a school band performance to get ready for tonight. (Maybe the third times a charm)

-Ike<3

Yes !! that sounds good ! (　＾▽＾) I haven't watched any of them in a while, so I'm not sure what mine would be !! I think probably Ponyo, I rewatched it so much when I was younger ! I'd like to watch all of them again really ! It can understand why people still wouldn't like it now, despite that, but nobody ever used to mention it so it used to make me feel a little . insane . I found it hard to decide on a set favourite, but, I think they were deku and uraraka !! I also really liked denki and todoroki a lot too !! aaaa the more I think about the less certain I am of who my favourites are . I love love love toga and bakugo too !!!! I don't actually think I've ever had my hair in space buns, now that I'm thinking of it. . . but I bet little you probably looked super cute ! Your current hair style sounds really nice, too ! I play as the my hero characters a lot when I play fortnite though ! I think it's a little funny to see them do all the dances and stuff fjdhkdkf ooo ! That sounds really cool ! I see I see ! Those ones are pretty cool too, I just whatever ones catch my attention to be honest !!! Don't apologise !! I understand ! I didn't mean it in bad way ^–^ That's fair ! I don't really do it all the time on here because I just . haven't but I've been told by people that they associate swearing with me lol ( and spelling things really badly . ) I'm not really sure why I get it, my guess is that it's probably the same as you, then because I wore earphones like all the time until receently. . . but now I just wear over the head-headphones ! A lot of people where I am swear a lot too, I feel like it is pretty rare to find someone that doesn't swear all the time ! I used to know people that did the same !! I don't really mind it, to be honest, so you could if you wanted ! ^–^ and not really, I think ! Maybe mutt ? It can be used for both, but a lot of people use it on boy ones so ? but it's not really used in the same way bitch is used ! Yes !!! So, currently, whats being worked on is Fairy Tail 100 year quest but he said once that's done he's going to continue Fairy Tail so I'm really really excited !!! I need to catch up with the 100 year quest anime as well, though ! Sorry this took so long . I . don't really have the words to explain but ! Have you been well ? Did your performance go alright ?

[crystalsnow95z]

Hobi was watching Taehyungs return from Mexico Airplane video and noticed how he tried to cover from head to toe. He messaged to ask if he was okay and Taehyung replied he was going to the hospital because he felt really weak and didn't feel well at all.

Hobi is too worried about his baby brother and has to go see him. The difference in weather really got to Taehyung. He got a bad cough and a fever. All he wants to do is sleep but his coughing won't let him so he's whiny and cuddly.

Interesting I've never did a story with a set timelines I just let the reader decide. I'll accept the challenge. A bit of truth mixed with fiction. This was actually a struggle to write and much shorter than intended.. I hope you like it at least!

Taehyung hears his phone ringing, digging his phone out of his bag to notice it was a video call. "Hobi-hyung, I guess you saw that I landed." His voice is soft with fatigue, feeling jet legged from the long flight.

"I wanted to see if you were okay. You looked exhausted, even with you trying to hide your face. Are you feeling okay?" J-hope worries over his dongsaeng. "Your face looks pale.."

Taehyung rests his head against the window."I don't feel right.. I know it's normal to feel tired after a long flight, but this feels different.. I couldn't even bow because I felt so dizzy.." Taehyung tries to cover up a yawn, pressing his lips tightly together, his cheeks puffing out.

"You should see a doctor." J-hope suggests. "Please go see one for me, I'm worried about you."

"Alright, I'll go, hyung.."

"Good..Tell me when you get home, okay? I hope you feel better soon. Hopefully, it's just from the different weather. I love you, bro."

"I will hyung..I love you too.."

Taehyung finally makes it home, plopping down on his bed. After two IVs, he felt a little better, yet the sick feeling wasn't going away and to make matters worse, between the time of landing and going back home, a persistent cough formed. I need to get better before tomorrow.. I'm not going to miss sending Seokjin-hyung off after rushing to get here.. Taehyung pulled out his phone, keeping his word to call J-hope when he arrived.

"What did the doctor say?" J-hope asks.

"I'll be okay after i rest.." Taehyung replied softly, pulling the phone away to cough.

"You still don't sound so good..maybe I should come over there to take care of you.."

"No, I'm okay.. really.. it's just a cold.."Taehyung tries his best for his voice to stay steady, but the end breaks off into another cough.

"I'm going over there. Do you have any medicine?" J-hope asks.

"No, but I can get some on my own. Haven't you been busy lately on your new song?"

"It doesn't matter how busy I've been.. I can't leave my little brother suffering on his own. Don't worry about me. I'll be there soon just try to rest."

"Okay, Hyung.. thank you.. I love you." Taehyung was relieved he didn't have to suffer alone. He curled up on the couch under a throw blanket, coughing into his closed fist. All this coughing is giving me a headache.. He tried to fall asleep, but his body wouldn't let him between the coughs and not making up his mind if he felt hot or cold.

As soon as he heard a knock on the door, he rushed to see who it was, opening it after confirming it was indeed J-hope. He pulls him inside and hugs him. "I missed you."

"Tete, I missed you too." J-hope smiles, wrapping his arms around his dongsaeng, then let's out a small gasp in surprise."You're sweating so much, Taehyungie.."

"Sorry, hyung.." Taehyung lets him go, trying to sniffle softly.

"I didn't mean it like that, I meant your house is cold, but you're sweating. I think you have a fever.." J-hope says worriedly.

"A fever? No.. no I can't have a fever.. Seokjin-hyung is leaving tomorrow.." Taehyung's eyes grow wide with fear. "I need to see him off, I even rushed my flight.."

"Tete, hey, you need to stay calm. We'll do what we can to get you better before then. As long as you dress warm and keep the face mask on, you can still go as long as you don't get worse.. Don't worry about it, okay?" J-hope hugs Taehyung close, rubbing his back. "You won't miss it because I'm here to take care of you." Taehyung squeezes him, coughing into J-hope's shoulder, trying to muffle the sound.

"Let's get you to bed, okay?" J-hope tries to avoid eye contact with Taehyung as he leads him back to the room. Did he get worse since the first time he called me? He wasn't coughing. I hope I didn't get his hopes up too high..

Taehyung lets J-hope lead him through his home, leaning his head on his shoulder as they walked.i feel dizzy again.. Taehyung held onto J-hope's arm, trying to ensure his feet wouldn't fall from under him.

"It's been a while since I've been to your place."J-hope says as he picks up Taehyung's tissue holder to take with him, taking a tissue and wiping the drip of snot that came from Taehyung's nose. That's when he noticed how unfocused Taehyung's eyes were, dilating to be just large black discs.

"Hyung I..." Taehyung's voice gets cut off by another fit of coughs, almost falling forward if it wasn't for J-hope putting his arm out to brace his fall, helping him move to sit on the floor.

Taehyung lays his head on J-hope's knee, waiting for the vertigo to pass. J-hope just strokes his hand through Taehyung's sweaty hair. "My poor baby, you really aren't doing well. We need to get you in bed..."J-hope gently moves Taehyung's head off his knee, gently lifting him up.

"I can walk.." Taehyung says softly.

"I want to carry you, and it'll only take a minute. Let hyung take care of you." J-hope leans to kiss Taehyung on his temple, carrying him to his bed and easing him onto it. "Stay here and rest. I'm going to go to the store, okay? I'll go as quickly as I can."

"Can you lay with me for a little bit first? At least until I don't feel as nauseous.." Taehyung uses the cutest tone he could manage with his throat being in such a bad condition.

"Alright, but just for a little bit. The faster you take meditation, the faster you'll get better." J-hope lays on the bed, laying his head on Taehyung's chest, softly rubbing Taehyung's belly.

Taehyung starts to relax, but before he could fall into a deep sleep, the persistent cough returned, him quickly covering his face with his arm to avoid coughing on J-hope.

J-hope could hear Taehyung's heart racing faster as he struggled to breathe, sitting up to help Taehyung. He helped the younger member sit up, rubbing his neck to try to give him some comfort through the pain. "I need to get you medicine.."

"Don't go.. I'm sorry.." Taehyung says through the coughs.

"I have to go. It sounds like you're getting worse. Taehyung I'm just worried about you. It's not your fault so don't be sorry.." J-hope hugs Taehyung close. "You didn't do anything wrong so don't apologize okay?"

"Don't leave too long.." Taehyung holds J-hope tight before letting go, knowing he can't hold him there forever."Can you lay with me again when you come back?'

"Of course. Anything you want, just try to sleep, okay?" J-hope covers Taehyung up with the blanket. "Do you want anything special from the store? I could buy you some ramen."

Taehyung shakes his head slightly. "I'm not hungry. I just want something warm to drink.."

"Okay, Tae. I'll bring you some hot cocoa. Does that sound good?"

Taehyung nods. "Hurry back.." He whines softly.

J-hope smiles. "Okay, I will. Go to sleep until then.." He finds Taehyung's keys so he could let himself in so he didn't have no knock and wake him up if he fell asleep, but this action wasn't needed. Taehyung could hardly even relax let alone fall asleep.

I'm so tired, but my throat hurts so much and my head is pounding. How could i be getting worse this quickly...Taehyung tried to obey his hyung's order, but each time he started to drift off, the coughing started up again. He swore in frustration, giving up on sleeping, going into the kitchen for some warm water, and adding salt, gurgling it to try to loosen the mucus to ease some of the pain.

When he tries, a cough interrupts him, the water dripping down his chin onto the floor. He accidentally swallows the rest, choking on it. Fu*k.. that hurts.. I can't catch my breath..

"Taehyung-ah are you okay?" J-hope rushes inside, running up to Taehyung.

Taehyung nods even though the coughing didn't stop, sliding down the cabinet to be able to sit, not trusting his knees to hold him.

J-hope rubs Taehyung's back until the coughing stops, then starts digging through the bags he brought, taking out some medicine and pouring it for his sick dongsaeng. "Here Tete.."

Taehyung takes it gratefully, taking it like a shot, making a face at the bitter taste. "I couldn't fall asleep..I'm sorry.."

"That's okay Taehyungie, the medicine should help you sleep. Let's get you a new shirt and back into bed.." J-hope hands him the cocoa he brought him to help wash it down.

Taehyung took a drink of the cocoa, looking down at his shirt. He didn't realize how much water he spat onto himself from his home cure method. "Okay.."

J-hope keeps an arm around Taehyung as they walk, not wanting any chance of him falling again, leading him to the bed and pulling the shirt off of the young vocalist. "I'll find you a new one, you stay put." J-hope goes into Taehyung's closet, choosing a thin t-shirt.

Taehyung takes a few more sips of his cocoa, the warmth soothing his throat enough to stop the feeling of having to cough, starting to drift off.

"Woah Taehyungah, don't fall asleep holding hot liquid.." J-hope takes the cup from him, setting it on the table. "You can sleep in a minute.."

"I'm sorry.." Taehyung says sleepily as J-hope helps him put his arms through.

"It's okay.. You're so apologetic today.. You're going to kill me with your cuteness."J-hope says soothingly, gently putting Taehyung in a laying position and covering him up.

"Will you hold me while I sleep?" Taehyung looks up at him with big, sleepy eyes.

"Hang on.. there's one more thing I need to help you." J-hope quickly leaves the room before Taehyung can stop him, going in the shopping bag to get a cooling cloth to try to bring down his fever.

"Hobi-hyung...!" Taehyung calls for him hoarsely.

"I'm coming, I'm coming.."J-hope runs back into the room, taking the cloth and gently placing it on Taehyung.

"It's cold.."Taehyung shivers. "Come keep me warm.."

"Cute.. You are such a child when you're sick.." J-hope smiles, going behind Taehyung and getting under the covers, throwing his leg cover him and tucking his arm under his neck, resting his hand on Taehyung's chest. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yes..." Taehyung replies in a soft, sleepy tone.

"Good.. I love you Tae. Rest well." J-hope lays his head on Taehyung's shoulder.

"I love you too.."

J-hope could feel Taehyung start to relax against him as he finally starts to fall asleep, only small coughs escaping. "My poor Tete.. Get better soon.."

[pix-writes]

They also said David was right that he and Ellie have a violent heart and then compared Joel to him like a parallel. Like its purely to justify the second game/season beacuse he knows audiences wont receive it well in the first one.

Like its not in the first season beacuse it would ruin the story which is why they try so hard to justify their position to trick us into thinking seeds of violence were planted when they clearly weren't. If anything the actual show makes the second game look even MORE unrealistic.

And Neil recently reaffirming he does not care for people who dislike the second game. Like im sorry thats not a valid opinion he unironically based this game around Palestine and cycles of aggressive violence and promoted it through sabatoging beloved characters in favour of his new actual facist fave youre forced to play.

A good game is not devisive amongst the fanbase like the sequel was. Thats bad. And I think he will be in for a rude awakening at the reception to season 2. Beacuse general audiences will watch the show more then go out and play a game. Gamers paid already it doesnt matter if we stop playing half way through.

But TV shows with audience drop offs are much more brutal for a shows reception.

The amount of people already who refuse to tune in for a future season just from what ive seen on here is staggering.

Its a bad, brutal, punishing story with no mercy. And it'll be an even worse show.

I agree with these senitments, mutual!

I find it intersing making Ellie more used to violence (or using violence) in the TV series - of course she is a girl who's grown up in a miliatry school in a post-apocalypse, so it would make sense for her to be used or more ready to utilise violence in terms of survival. But I don't like the idea that she is violent like David is, or comparing his version of violence to Ellie's (or Joel's, for that matter) because its totally different - especailly as neither of them seek violence as a way of abusing people or to gain power like David most certainly does.

When I think of Ellie I don't think of her having a "violent heart" I think of her as a scared and yet feirce girl. I think the only thing David ever got right about her was that she is very loyal. I'd say that she has a loyal heart and one that puts loyalty into people who she cares deeply about & that show her that she can trust them/that they won't abandon her/that they can protect her.

^^^ I mean???!!!!??!!!!!! looook! the sweetest <3

Its intersting to hear Neil said that, I haven't seen much about what the creators have spoken about since the first game came out (/little snippets from the podcasts), to be honest, but its very disheartening. (And as a writer myself, I can't imagine having that perspective or lack of thought for fans by saying something like that publicly!)

I could go on about how I don't trust a lot of the men involved in this story (Pedro excepted ofc), for the way they treat David, like he's not an obvious predator, and how I didn't like that Joel doesn't intercept Ellie during the restaurant scene, but I'd just end up getting mad! ^^' and on top of that, the mentioned narrative that Ellie is 'forever changed' by what happens to her in her run-in with David & his cannibal crew (according to Craig/Neil). I've always taken issue with such things, as much as Ellie is a wondeful well-fleshed out female queer character (mad props to Ashley Johnson for being pivotal with that <3); and it makes me feel that tlou 2 was just made to be a rug-pull type story (as has been used in GoT and TWD) like 'oh you thought this? haha, well think again! your fave is dead because of tragedy!' --> its edgy for the sake of being edgy and missed out on being a meaningful additon to the first game & DLC and its themes...

I'm thinking the same, that the second season is going to be just as divisive - all the people who haven't been spoiled by the gameplay etc., are going to have a similar rude awakening to fans when tlou part 2 was released, and I don't think they'll get the reception they were hoping for (but then again, perhaps the writers don't care?). BUT it'll probably affect viewership dramatically, especiallly if (as I've heard other fans say) that they will sequence it much like in the game where it jumps back & forth in time/perspective (meaning *spoilers* - Joel 💀 in the first half of the series, most likely). I just can't fathom that going down well with general audiences. That's a recipe for a tv series bomb if ever I saw one.

... ... ....

Its probably kinda bad I do partly want the second season to bomb, isn't it? 😅 don't get me wrong, I love the first game/season, and the actors etc who've worked on it - but I just have so much issues with how they've handled the story since then/their interpretations of it, like I do with a lot of other tv series/tv in general right now, that I would just feel pure justified satisfction from it if it did!

[forcebookish]

i haven't watched the new episode properly yet but omg so furious - if they decided within a week to cut out that scene then why put it in the preview? where are all these topmew haters getting to jojo from?? is it just twitter? im genuinely so devastated for them they deserve so much better. can't help but wonder what got cut that we don't actually know about too. legit boiling idk if i can watch the new episode rn im honestly tempted to get twitter just so i can support forcebook with this show 😭 how can people hate them this much?? i don't see forcebook/topmew fans out here dragging firstkhao and neomark through the mud??? ive gotten 10/10 bored of particular sandray and i really hate ray bc i have dealt with a horrible destructive violent addict so he is a triggering character (it's mostly horrible to see fans glorify that behaviour) but im not out here screaming at them to cut the actors scenes im just is it ok to cry about this hahahahaaA

cry it out, dude. it's fucked up the way they treat our boys.

i think it's twitter and youtube (i think it was you who i talked to about a yt commenter being a dick to me because i had the gall to ask why there was no forcebook footage in the last bts?😒). and yeah, even with p'jojo's explanation for why it was cut, it doesn't matter because mew was at that level of anger throughout the episode anyway. all it did was take something away from foxmochis and topmewists when we're literally begging for crumbs. and like you said!!! we're not bashing any actors, we're not complaining about screentime, we're not making shit up about the story or the characters - we're the ones who have been having a good time, even when there are characters that we hate, it's not the story that we're complaining about.

I MEAN NOW IT IS, but this was a uniquely bad episode lol

but certainly not the actors! there have been MULTIPLE people saying that they wanted topmew to be minor characters just so that their faves could have more screentime. all i want is for forcebook to be in a drama on their own without any of these other fucking "fans" going out of their way to bash them. and it's always, "why are foxmochis so defensive?" "tomafoxes have a victim complex." "gmmtv shows favoritism to forcebook." LIKE EXCUSE ME??? it's like they live in an alternate reality designed just so they feel better about hating on two perfectly lovely, talented guys and some of the kindest people i have ever met in a fandom space ever.

and honestly, i never thought i'd say this... but i do recommend getting a twitter account. i got mine just to lurk and see what forcebook was up to, but i've gotten in the habit of sending them tweets about how much i love them every now and again when i see something heinous or am just thinking about them. they get flooded with shit they don't deserve, and honestly? it makes me feel better too, knowing that i'm pushing back against the wave. who knows if they see it or understand it, but at least it's out there.

if they didn't need all the support they could get, i'd probably stop watching at this point (or at least pause), because it feels like we're being fucked with at this point and that our voices and viewership don't matter :( but they need us! gmmtv isn't going to do their job, so we have to do it for them!

thanks for popping in!❤️‍🩹 it took me a long time to respond to this so maybe you've already seen the episode but good luck anyway, pal. it's kind of a slog lol

[conkreetmonkey]

How does Sakurai keep aging backwards??

Watching the latest Masahiro Sakurai YouTube video and

how does this man keep aging backwards. He looks significantly younger now than he did when I was watching his Smash Ultimate reveal videos a few years ago. I'm actually comparing videos now and it's not just me misremembering what he looked like back then, he legitimately looked a decade older in his Smash for 3DS/Wii U videos compared to today. How does he do it?

Now, these example images are far from perfect, I wasn't planning on making this post so this is kind of a quickie. Still, am I crazy, or does Sakurai look far younger today than he did 4 years ago? (I'm aware the quality of the modern photo is far better than the first, but the hat's not on me there; the Smash Bros videos just had less resolution than is seen now on Sakurai's personal YT channel. Weird.)

I've noticed a few distinct ways in which he looks significantly better now:

His skin looks noticeably more youthful. His laugh lines seem to have all but vanished, and his face appears to have significantly more healthy colour to it. The difference appears slight in this photo comparison, but in some older videos from the 3DS/Wii U era it's much clearer. He looks significantly less pale now, and any lines that were present on his face have seemingly disappeared.

This one is more obvious: his eyebags are gone! He's clearly sleeping far better now. The difference is night and day.

Again, not too noticeable from the pictures given, but Sakurai's hair seems to be smoother, glossier and darker than it used to be. Perhaps he's dyed it or is using different products now, but it looks far healthier and youthful now, and that's not even to say it looked bad before. He's always had great hair (and has never been bad-looking in any field), but it's really shining nowadays.

idk why I'm even making this post. In all likelihood, he's just far less stressed nowadays without Smash Ultimate and Covid to worry about. Still, I think it was worth pointing out. Masahiro Sakurai looks phenomenal. Again, not to imply he's ever looked bad. He's always been, in my opinion at least, quite an attractive man. I also understand that this post may come across as creepy or obsessed, but I haven't watched any Sakurai content since high school, in which my friend group was heavily Smash-oriented and we kept up with the development and new character additions like other men do sports. In an unorthodox way, Masahiro Sakurai was a huge part of my teenage years. I idolized him back then, and I'd still consider him a man worth looking up to; his passion for his craft is damn near unmatched. If every big name gave developer cared as much about the art they were creating as Sakurai, the entire gaming scene would be so, so much better.

This is an appreciation post, I suppose, as well as just me being happy a guy I followed closely a few years ago now seems to be doing better than ever. I get that he was and still is a multimillionaire, but back in the day he was working himself to the bone. I mean, passing out at work, winding up in the hospital, and then going right back to work with a IV drip in his arm?? He's clearly worked extremely, unhealthily hard to gain his wealth. I'm glad he's visibly less stressed out nowadays, and austounded at how much better he looks. There's graceful aging, and then there's Masahiro Sakurai. He's 52, and works like a coked-out mule with a sick kid at home and a debt to the mob, yet despite all this I wouldn't think he's a day over 30. You fucking go, Sakurai.

[steddieworks]

you can change (right next to me) - iv

hi!! I'm so sorry that it has taken me forever and a day to update but life has just been busy and hectic lately! I also haven't really been in the mood for writing lately, and I didn't want to post something half-assed just to say i've posted

that being said... here's chapter 4 of the tutor au! things got away from me this chapter and so i'm fairly certain the new chapter count will be a bit longer, but we'll just have to see how the next couple of them go!

happy reading!

read on ao3

Summary:

Steve’s got a soft look on his face when Eddie meets his gaze. “I think I’m ready to go to the doctor for my hearing problems,” he whispers.

Eddie grins, and knows that he probably looks ridiculous, but he literally can’t help it. Steve is being brave - braver than Eddie would ever be, probably, and doing the things that scared him, and Eddie can only hope that someday he’ll be able to do that too.

or,

Steve makes a decision.

Word Count: 10.8k

Warnings: swearing, mild smut, discussions of disabilities

It takes about a week for Steve to make up his mind about the hearing thing.

And in that week, Eddie feels tortured, or maybe blessed, with Steve wearing his glasses. He shows up to class Monday without them, but when Eddie catches him squinting at the board, he walks by and murmurs a soft, “forgetting something?”

Steve seems flustered by it, but digs them out with a huff. He glares at Eddie for a few minutes, or tries to at least, before he breaks, sliding them onto his face and giving him a soft little smile. Eddie grins, waggling his eyebrows and mouthing the word “hot” at him, which only makes Steve blush.

They’re so obvious with it that Barbera fake-gags, which embarrasses Eddie just enough to stop flirting until the end of class. He means to catch Steve before he leaves, just to check in with him and make sure they’re still on for their tutoring session the next day, but Steve is out the door before Eddie even finishes packing his bag. He tries not to take it personally, and when Tuesday rolls around and Steve does show up for their tutoring session, Eddie knows it isn’t really about him. Still, he’s not oblivious to the fact that Steve keeps things strictly business, all school-related talk and nothing else, and this trend continues for the rest of the week.

It’s Friday evening when something finally changes.

They’re at the library for their usual tutoring session, and Eddie is watching Steve as he writes the answer to one of the workbook’s questions, his hand moving slowly and carefully as he writes. It’s quiet in their little pocket of space in the corner, so Eddie notices immediately when someone approaches them on Steve’s bad side.

Not that Steve has a bad side, exactly. It’s just, like… the side he can’t hear from.

The person, who Eddie vaguely recognizes from the history lecture, says, “hey, Steve, do you happen to have the notes from Wednesday?”

Steve doesn’t reply. Doesn’t even look up.

Eddie gives the girl - Delilah? Dina? Something like that - a small smile before reaching out and touching Steve’s wrist.

“Hm?” Steve says, still not looking up.

“Honey, you’ve got a visitor,” Eddie says, voice quiet but close enough to Steve’s good ear that his gaze snaps up, then over, flushing when he sees the girl standing there.

“Oh, hey Nicole,” he says, clearly embarrassed.

Nicole? Close enough.

“Hey, Steve,” she says, clearly confused. “Um, I was just asking if you happened to have the notes from Wednesday. I had a doctor’s appointment and you’re the first person I’ve seen from that class since then.”

There’s a panic-stricken look on Steve’s face as he processes her words. “Oh, um…” he says, shuffling his papers around. Eddie knows his notebook is in his bag still, and he knows that Steve does have the notes, and yet he says, “I don’t have them with me, actually.”

“Oh,” Nicole says, her face falling. “Okay, then. Well, um. Thanks anyway.” She starts to walk away, but Eddie stops her.

“Hey, Nicole? I’ve got the notes, so I can email them to you when I get home,” Eddie tells her. His hand is still resting on Steve’s wrist, so he notices it when Steve turns his hand over, lacing their fingers together and squeezing. Eddie thinks it might be a little thank you.

“Oh, perfect! Thanks so much, Mr. Munson,” she says. “I’ll see you guys Monday!”

Eddie smiles and waves at her with his free hand, while Steve just nods at her before turning back to his work. When his pencil doesn’t move, however, Eddie frowns. “What’s the matter, baby?” he asks, speaking softly.

Steve shrugs, then sniffles, covering his face with his free hand and shaking his head.

Oh.

“Oh, babe,” Eddie sighs sympathetically, scooting his chair closer and bringing his hand up to gently rub Steve’s back. “I… I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through with this. But, can you talk to me? Tell me what part is bothering you?”

Steve shakes his head again, then seems to change his mind and nods instead. “I just…” He trembles, and Eddie waits, patiently rubbing circles onto his back and squeezing his hand again. “Now that I’m like, aware of it, I’m starting to hyperfixate on it.”

“On what?” Eddie asks, although he’s pretty sure he already knows.

“The hearing thing. Like… How many fucking times have I just sat and ignored someone because I just couldn’t fucking hear them?” He’s getting a little louder than is probably acceptable at a library, so Eddie gently shushes him. He looks sheepish for a moment, lowering his head to rest on their intertwined hands. “I just… I don’t know. I feel broken.”

Eddie’s heart fucking shatters when he hears that. He hates to imagine that Steve has been dealing with these feelings by himself for so long before now, but he knows that he probably has. The only thing he can do now is be there for him, but thinking about a younger Steve, struggling with this alone, almost makes him sick.

“I know, Stevie. I mean… I haven’t been through this, but I get the whole… feeling broken thing. But you’re not broken.” A heavy silence falls upon them, and he hopes Steve can read the subtext, because he’s just not sure if he can spell it out for him just yet.

Apparently, he doesn’t need to. Steve tilts his head, looking up at Eddie and giving him a frown. “You’re not broken, either.” Before Eddie can protest, Steve sits up straight, leaning into Eddie’s space a bit more than he normally would, his hand coming up to cup Eddie’s jaw. “No. If I’m not broken, then neither are you. We’re… we’re okay.”

Eddie gives him a little smile, and an easy agreement. “We’re okay,” he says softly. He tilts his head, catching Steve’s hand and pressing a little kiss to his palm. He just can’t help himself.

Steve’s got a soft look on his face when Eddie meets his gaze. “I think I’m ready to go to the doctor for my hearing problems,” he whispers.

Eddie grins, and knows that he probably looks ridiculous, but he literally can’t help it. Steve is being brave - braver than Eddie would ever be, probably, and doing the things that scared him, and Eddie can only hope that someday he’ll be able to do that too.

He kisses Steve’s hand again, holding it in both of his and smiling at him. “I’m so proud of you,” he murmurs. “I’m serious, Steve. I know you don’t want to go, and it’s scary, but I’m so fucking proud of you for deciding that it’s worth it to try.”

Steve has a sort of bashful look on his face, but Eddie’s not backing down. He wants Steve to know, without a doubt, how supportive he is of this decision. “Well, it’s not really that big of a deal,” he mumbles.

Eddie shakes his head. “Okay, maybe not. But that doesn’t mean it’s not scary. That doesn’t mean it’s not brave to do it. And that doesn’t make me any less proud of you.” He uses Steve’s hand that he’s got trapped in his to boop him on the nose.

Steve looks sort of embarrassed, but smiles, ducking his head. “Will you go with me again?” He asks, studying their hands. He brings his other hand down to tangle their fingers together, and Eddie lets him, helpless to intervene when he’s being so sweet and touchy after so many days without it.

“Of course,” Eddie replies immediately. “Always. Anytime you need me, darlin’, I’m there.”

He watches as Steve’s face flushes, and he has to bite back a grin. He’s so easy to rile up, even when Eddie isn’t particularly trying to. “Okay,” Steve mumbles. “We should… finish this?” He sounds uncertain.

Eddie nods, though honestly he could give a fuck less about the stupid worksheet that Murray assigned. “Sure, Stevie. And I can drive you home when we’re done, if you want.”

Steve pulls his right hand away from Eddie’s to grab his pencil, but taps it on the book a few times before speaking. “I was actually thinking… Maybe I could go back to yours? And we could, um… watch a movie or something?” He sounds so hopeful, and has an air of forced nonchalance that Eddie can’t help but smirk at.

Then what he’s asking sets in. “Uh…” Eddie hesitates. Not because he doesn’t want to spend more time with Steve, or course not. But because… he’s not sure he’ll be able to maintain this quasi-friendly distance between them if they’re all alone in his apartment.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Steve mumbles after a minute of silence. “I just-“

Apparently Eddie has even less self control than he thought, because he just nods and smiles. “No, yeah. Let’s do that. You said you’ve never seen Lord of the Rings, right?” He’s mostly joking, but the wide-eyed, panicked look that fills Steve’s face then just solidifies it. “It’s a long one, so you’ll have to hurry up if you wanna be able to finish it tonight.”

Steve sighs like he regrets ever asking, but gives Eddie a little smile when he looks back down at his work. “Alright.”

~~~

Eddie doesn’t actually make Steve rush through the assignment, but he hints at the correct answers more frequently than he normally would. If Steve notices the difference, he doesn’t say anything, and when he finishes, he lets Eddie help him pack up his things without argument.

If Eddie didn’t know any better, he’d think Steve was… excited.

But surely that can’t be the case. Steve had never shown any interest in any of Eddie’s nerd shit before now, so surely there’s something else. Then again, if Steve’s excited/nervous for the same reason that Eddie himself is… that might be a problem in and of itself.

“How long did you say this movie was again?” Steve asks as Eddie is driving them away from campus, towards his apartment.

“Well,” Eddie says, hesitating. “Um… I don’t think I did.”

“What?” Steve glances at him, clearly confused.

Eddie scratches his chin awkwardly. “I didn’t say how long it was,” he admits, biting his lip a little and avoiding meeting Steve’s gaze.

“Oh,” Steve says. A few seconds later, he shrugs. “Okay.”

Eddie balks at him. Surely he’s not just giving in that easily? Without any sort of estimate about when he can expect to go home?

“Do you… not want to know how long it is?” Eddie asks. The fun has run its course if Steve’s not playing along, but Eddie had expected the joke to last a bit longer, if he’s honest.

Steve just shrugs again. “It doesn’t really matter to me,” he says casually. When Eddie glances at him, Steve is already turned to face him fully. Eddie feels a little bad for avoiding eye contact so far on the drive, realizing acutely that Steve relies on lip-reading significantly. “Are you gonna make me go home if I fall asleep during it?”

Eddie blinks at him. He can feel his face flushing a little, at even the suggestion of the alternative. That he should just let Steve sleep over, like they’re friends, when they are most certainly not.

“Um,” Eddie says, stupidly. “Probably not. For starters, that would be really shitty of you, to fall asleep during the best cinematic masterpiece of our time, and secondly,” he pauses to glance the opposite way before turning right at a stop sign. He normally wouldn’t bother, but… precious cargo. “I could never be that cruel. It’s a long one. And since it’s your first time, I’ll let it slide if you fall asleep.”

Steve makes a noise that’s a bit like a laugh or a snort, and when Eddie glances at him, he’s got a smirk on his face. “That sounded a bit dirty,” he teases.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “No, you’re just dirty-minded. Get your thoughts out of the gutter, Harrington.”

“What if I want them in the gutter?” Steve says, sly and coy.

Eddie clears his throat. “Um.”

Luckily, Steve takes pity on him. “Can we order Chinese?”

~~~

They do order Chinese, and while they wait for it to arrive, Eddie frets about setting up the movie.

“Now this is god-tier shit, alright? And there’s all these layers to the lore, so if you have a question I’ll have to pause the whole thing and-“ Eddie is explaining all this as he’s turned away, but he pauses when he turns around and finds Steve staring at him. He’s got this little smile on his lips, and it takes Eddie a second to get it. “You couldn’t hear any of that, could you?”

Steve breaks out into a full grin at that. “Not really. It sounded sort of muffled, but I got bits and pieces of it.”

Eddie shakes his head, embarrassed. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I-“

Steve steps towards him, shaking his head. “Don’t… please don’t do that.”

“Do what?” Eddie says quietly, hyper-aware of the lack of space between them.

“Don’t treat me like I’m broken. Just… treat me the way you always do.” Steve’s voice breaks, and so does Eddie’s heart.

“Oh, baby,” Eddie sighs. He reaches out for Steve, pulling him into a tight hug. Luckily, Steve goes willingly. “I’m sorry. I’m not… I’m really not trying to treat you differently, like, in a bad way. I’m just trying to be more accommodating, now that I sort of know how.”

Steve nods. “I know. I just… I really hate being like this, Eddie.”

Eddie’s heart feels like lead in his chest, his ribs too tight around the organ. “I know,” he mumbles against Steve’s hair, rubbing his back in long, smooth motions. “Well… not completely, but… I understand why you’re frustrated.”

Steve sniffles. Eddie kisses the top of his head, not even caring if Steve feels the affectionate touch. “Yeah,” he says, tiredly. “Can we just watch the movie? And… and not talk about all my problems?”

Eddie nods, but pulls back to look at him. “Okay, but let me say one last thing?” Steve shrugs, so Eddie takes that as an agreement. “You’re allowed to talk about these things with me. I know you feel weird about it, but just know that I’ll always listen if you need to talk. Okay?”

“Okay,” Steve agrees quietly. “Thanks, Eddie.”

Helpless to his own stupid urges, Eddie leans in again to kiss Steve’s forehead. “Alright. Movie time.”

~~~

The food comes as they’re gathering up pillows and blankets and all the snuggly things that Eddie can find in his apartment. They build a fort of sorts on his sofa, and between the two of them, they’re laughing and giggling at the absurdity of it all, the child-like glee from playing like kids again.

“You know, I’ve never been able to use chopsticks,” Eddie notes vaguely as they settle in to start eating.

“Really?” Steve asks, all curious and amused. “I could teach you, if you want.”

Eddie looks over at him, surprised. “Would you really?”

Steve shrugs. “Sure, why not. C’mere.”

So that’s how Eddie finds himself, sitting in front of Steve, his ass barely hanging onto the edge of the couch, Steve’s thighs bracketing his hips. Eddie’s not sure this is an entirely foolproof method, but he doesn’t argue when Steve tells him where to sit.

“Alright, so, you just hold the bottom one steady like this,” Steve explains, demonstrating on his own hand. “And then the top one is used like a pincer. You just use it to pinch your food.”

Eddie nods, turning his head so that Steve will be able to hear him. “Sounds simple enough.”

Steve smiles, reaching for his hand. “Alright, let me show you how to hold it.” He goes through the whole routine again, this time positioning the chopsticks between Eddie’s fingers instead of his own. “Okay, now try to get a piece of chicken.”

Eddie reaches forward, but nearly slides off the couch in the process. “Man, I don’t think this is the best seating arrangement you’ve ever come up with.”

“Hm?” Steve hums against his shoulder, his arm slipping around Eddie’s waist to hold him. Eddie’s not sure this will prevent him from tumbling off the couch, but he’s not about to turn down the almost-cuddle.

“I said I don’t think this is the best seating arrangement,” Eddie repeats, turning his head to the side to glance back at Steve. “Even though you make one hell of a seatbelt,” he says with a smirk.

Steve blushes, pinching Eddie’s stomach lightly. “Behave,” Steve says when Eddie squeals. “And pick up the chicken! We’re losing precious daylight hours here.”

Eddie rolls his eyes, even as he leans forward once more to try and use the chopsticks. “Fine,” he mumbles. It takes him a few tries, but eventually he does manage to pinch a piece of chicken between the ends of the chopsticks. “Look! I did it!” He cheers, turning quickly in his excitement to show Steve.

Of course, that’s exactly when the chicken slips out from between the chopsticks, landing on the floor.

Eddie sighs. “Fuck this,” he says solemnly, going to put the chopsticks down in exchange for a fork.

“Hey,” Steve protests, reaching around him to scoop the chopsticks back up. “Just because you’re trash at it now doesn’t mean you can’t learn. Here, watch what I do.” Steve carefully leans forward, his arm tightening around Eddie’s chest to hold him still. Eddie feels like he can barely breathe as he watches Steve easily scoop up a piece of chicken with the chopsticks, expertly bringing it out of the bowl without dropping it.

Eddie expects Steve to eat the morsel himself, so he’s surprised when instead, the chopsticks halt in front of his mouth. “Here,” Steve says softly.

He almost wants to tease him, but the fear of breaking the moment altogether forces Eddie to just accept it, opening his mouth and letting Steve feed him. “Mm.”

“Is it good?” Steve asks, his hand beginning to trace meaningless shapes on Eddie’s stomach.

“Yeah,” Eddie finds himself whispering, his throat feeling a little tight, and not because of the food.

What use are their stupid boundaries about kissing if they’re going to do shit like this? He wonders.

“Want to try again?” Steve asks.

Eddie shakes his head. “No, maybe next time.”

“Okay,” Steve says easily enough. Eddie expects him to push him away now, grab a fork and both of them eat like normal people.

That’s not what happens.

Instead, Steve shuffles in his seat, lifting up his legs and carefully draping them over Eddie’s. “Is this okay?” He whispers.

Eddie swallows hard, but nods. His idea of “okay” is so skewed as of now, he really doesn’t know what qualifies anymore. “Yeah, it’s okay,” he mumbles.

Steve crosses his legs over Eddie’s lap, and if Eddie didn’t feel so choked up, he’d probably laugh at the way he’s basically got a human backpack.

“Can you hold my food for me? So I don’t have to lean so far?” Steve asks, his arm tightening around Eddie’s chest.

Eddie nods, but glances back at Steve before he grabs the take-out container for him. “Are you sure it wouldn’t just be easier to sit beside me?”

Steve blushes. “I mean… yeah, it would.” He doesn’t say anything else, staring at Eddie with wide, hopeful eyes.

“I’ll take that as a no, then,” Eddie laughs, reaching for the take-out container with a hand on one of Steve’s ankles. “Here you go, baby.”

He holds the carton close to Steve’s right hand to make it easier on him, then frowns at his own plate. He’s not sure exactly how they’re going to manage it like this, to be honest. He’s pulled from his thoughts when Steve hums in his ear.

“Bite?” Steve says softly, holding out a piece of chicken at the end of his chopsticks.

“Oh,” Eddie replies, surprised. “Are you sure? I can just eat mine.”

Steve shrugs, and for a split second, Eddie thinks he feels the briefest press of lips to his shoulder blade. “We can share,” Steve suggests.

Eddie turns his head just a bit, and their noses brush with the movement. Neither of them move away. “You just want to steal some of my orange chicken,” Eddie accuses teasingly.

Steve blinks, his eyes wide and innocent. “Who, me?”

And really, what happens next is all Steve’s fault.

He licks his lips, just a quick dart of tongue against chapped pink, and Eddie’s eyes drop to follow the movement, helpless.

When his eyes flick back up to meet Steve’s, the innocent look is gone, replaced by something darker, something more intense. Steve carefully sticks his chopsticks back into the carton of chicken and rice, his thumb coming to rub the back of Eddie’s hand, pushing it towards the table.

“Put it back,” Steve says quietly, no need for volume when his breath is already caressing Eddie’s ear.

Eddie obeys immediately, leaning forward and placing the carton back on the table before attempting to twist in Steve’s grip, desperate to face him, to see what will happen next. “Steve,” Eddie murmurs, a little annoyed at the lack of movement he’s being allowed.

Steve doesn’t let him struggle for long. He wiggles to the side of Eddie, pulling his left leg with him as he goes. Eddie hears himself whine sadly, but before he can lament the loss of Steve’s warmth properly, he’s shifting again, and suddenly Eddie has a lapful of Steve Harrington.

“Um,” Eddie says, very eloquently. Thank you, English degree.

Steve is staring down at him from his new perch, his eyes a little wild. His hands are shaking a bit as he brings them up to rest on Eddie’s shoulders, but his voice is calm when he speaks. “I know we decided this was a bad idea,” he says, his voice strong and even. “But, I also think that if I don’t kiss you within the next five minutes, I might die.”

Eddie cracks a grin at that. “You think so?”

Steve nods solemnly. “You can tell me to fuck off if you really don’t want to,” he whispers, leaning in close and brushing his lips against Eddie’s cheek, right where it dimples. “But I… I’ve been thinking about it all day, and…” he pauses, pulling back just a fraction. “I happened to be looking at the student handbook for the university.”

Eddie quirks an eyebrow at that. “Oh? You just happened to be looking at that?”

Steve’s face is definitely a little pink, but he nods, apparently committed to that version of the story. “Yes. And it says that student/professor relationships are frowned upon, but not technically illegal.”

“Oh yeah?” Eddie’s heart is racing. He’s certain he’s got this deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, one that Steve must be able to read as clear as day, even with the reading difficulties he definitely possesses.

“Yeah,” Steve nods. “And since you’re not technically my professor…” His lips drag down Eddie’s jaw, nipping gently when he gets close to Eddie’s ear. “And if this is just sex, not a relationship…”

Eddie’s stomach drops a little at that, and not in a sexy way. “Oh,” he says, struggling to keep the disappointment out of his voice. But of course it wouldn’t be anything past sex - Steve is young, attractive, a star member of the university’s basketball team. He could get anyone he wants to be in a relationship with him, of course he wouldn’t want Eddie. And as pathetic as it makes him, and as much as it hurts… he knows he’s going to let Steve have this. He’s going to give him what he wants, and when he’s through with him, Eddie will allow himself to be tossed aside like trash, even though he’s already halfway in love with the guy.

But it’s that love, that endless well of adoration and desire, that makes Eddie say, “okay.”

Even though it hurts.

“Yeah?” Steve mumbles against his jaw.

Even though it fucking stings.

“Yeah,” Eddie whispers back.

He lets that be the end of their exchanging of words, reaching a hand up into Steve’s hair to gently tilt his head, guiding their lips together in a deep, wet kiss. Steve makes a soft noise into the touch, and Eddie’s other hand falls down to rest on his hip, squeezing gently. His mouth moves softly against Steve’s at first, craving the tenderness of a kiss that he knows is living on borrowed time.

“Fuck,” Steve whispers against his mouth, pulling back just a little. “Do you think we could- would you-“ He stumbles over his words, making a frustrated noise before rutting his hips down into Eddie’s, making him groan loudly.

“Steve,” Eddie says through gritted teeth. “Fuck. Don’t- you shouldn’t do that.”

Steve whines, looking down at him with wide, pitiful eyes. “Why not?” He asks. He’s definitely pouting.

Eddie drops his head back against the couch, overwhelmed with the feeling of Steve in his lap and all his blood rushing south. “God. I don’t know,” Eddie whines back, clutching at Steve’s hips desperately. He scrambles to think of something, anything, to postpone this, even for a few minutes. “Our food,” he finally says, blinking up at Steve.

Steve raises his eyebrows. “Our food?” He asks.

“It’ll… get cold,” Eddie finishes lamely.

Steve snorts, and his lips work into a grin. “Fuck the food, you’ve got a microwave.”

He dives back in for a kiss again, and really, Eddie can’t argue with that logic. His hands map a path from Steve’s hips to the back pockets of his jeans, and he’s not shy about sticking his hands in there to squeeze a good handful. “Fuck, babe,” he groans, Steve nipping at his lips. “Such a nice ass,” he mumbles, tilting his head to catch Steve’s lips again.

Steve pulls back, making Eddie whine loudly. He’d be embarrassed if he had any blood left in his brain to encourage any sort of thought process. Steve grins above him. “You should see it without the jeans. I’ve been told it’s even better that way.” He’s so fucking smug about it that Eddie has to pull his stupid face in for another bruising kiss, more than a little jealous at the mere suggestion that anyone else is seeing Steve’s ass enough to have an opinion.

And that’s stupid, not to mention possessive, of Eddie to even think that, but here they are. He squeezes Steve’s ass again before pulling his hands out of his pockets, bringing his hands around to undo his button and zipper. “Are you sure?” Eddie asks, pausing there, giving Steve every chance to back out. “You can always change your mind, Stevie.”

Eddie isn’t sure what he’s expecting Steve to say to that, but it definitely isn’t a huffy, “I know what I want, Eddie.”

“Okay,” Eddie says softly, leaning in and kissing his cheek. “Tell me, then. What do you want?”

At that, Steve’s cheeks go a little red, though Eddie can’t for the life of him fathom why. It’s not like Steve has been shy up until this point. “I…” Steve trails off, but begins moving his hips in short little bursts of movement. “I want you to touch me.”

Eddie grins, and decides that if this is the only time he gets to have this, he can be a little mean. “Touch you where, baby?”

Steve whines, high in his throat. “Eddie,” he says softly. “Don’t be mean.”

And Eddie can’t help but kiss him for that. “Sorry,” he lies against his mouth. “Should we maybe go to my room? Or do you wanna do this on the couch?”

Steve freezes in his lap, which makes Eddie pull away instantly, looking up into his face for any sign of regret. “Um…” Steve starts, avoiding Eddie’s eyes.

“Honey, what is it?” Eddie asks as he rubs a soothing hand up and down Steve’s thigh. “Talk to me.”

“I’m not ready to fuck for real,” Steve says suddenly, the words bursting out of him in a rush of panic.

Eddie gives him a reassuring smile. “Okay,” he says immediately, bringing a hand up to pet Steve’s hair back. “That’s perfectly fine, baby. Thank you for telling me.”

Steve wiggles in his lap, twin hisses leaving their mouths at the sensation. “I still want to… do something, though.”

“Okay,” Eddie says. He pauses, thinking for a minute, before he smiles at Steve. “You ever jerked off with another guy before, Stevie?”

~~~

Predictably, Steve hasn’t done that, so that’s how they find themselves ten minutes later, both of their jeans and underwear pulled down to their thighs as Eddie strokes them off together with one hand. It’s incredibly hot, his gaze torn between watching the way his cock almost dwarfs Steve’s in his grip, and admiring the way Steve stares down at their dicks, his mouth wide open in shock.

“Does it feel pretty good, baby?” Eddie asks, smirking.

Steve nods dumbly, not a single word escaping his mouth. He’s blinking sort of rapidly, and Eddie wonders if his contacts are drying out. Normally, he’d stop to ask, but they’re both too damn close to worry about something like that right now.

Eddie tightens his grip a little, their dicks slippery enough with precome and spit that they slide together, making a disgusting, perfect sound. Eddie groans, flicking his wrist as he brings the both of them closer to the edge, his mind still not entirely wrapped around the fact that this is happening. They’re having sex. Literal, cocks touching, sharing breath and spit, sweaty sex.

And Eddie loves it.

He doesn’t know how the hell he’s supposed to give it up now that he’s had it, but he knows he’ll do whatever Steve wants, always. If he tells him ten minutes from now that he never wants to see Eddie again, Eddie would probably pack his bags. If Steve proposed, Eddie would say yes in a heartbeat.

Basically, there’s nothing Eddie wouldn’t do for him at this point.

“Close, close, close,” Steve chants, dropping his head back, presenting his neck to Eddie as he loses himself in the pleasure.

Eddie takes that as an opportunity to tilt forward, kissing and biting at the exposed column of Steve’s neck like his life depends on it. “Gonna come?” He mouths against Steve’s Adam’s apple.

“Yes, yes, Eddie, fuck, please,” Steve whines, his hips undulating as he tries to fuck himself against Eddie’s cock and the palm of his hand.

“Hm, if you’re good, I’ll let you come,” Eddie teases, slowing his stroking. He kisses his way up Steve’s throat, nibbling a little at his ear. “Are you gonna be good?”

“Yes, ‘m good, I’ll be s’good,” Steve pants. “Please!”

Eddie rewards him with picking up the pace and sucking a little mark under his ear, which makes him shudder. “Mm, so good using your manners, baby,” Eddie says, his voice breathy as he tries to stave off his own climax long enough for Steve to get his. “Come for me, babe. Make a mess.”

Apparently, that’s all it takes, and Steve is shooting off against their chests, the head of his dick nestled against the edge of Eddie’s. Something about it, the look on his face, the pulsing of Steve’s dick against his, or maybe the feeling of Steve’s come dripping down his cock, makes Eddie reach his. He comes so hard he almost thinks he’s going to black out, and he knows that’s all Steve.

“Fuck,” Steve whimpers, collapsing forward against Eddie’s chest, his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder. “That was so fucking hot,” he says with a light sigh, his body totally relaxed now.

Eddie laughs, his bones feeling like jello as he slumps against the couch, running his clean hand through Steve’s hair. “Did you like it?” He asks, a little nervous for the answer, despite the physical reaction he’d gotten out of Steve.

Steve snorts. “Did I like it?” He mocks, his eyes crinkling when he smiles at Eddie. “Of course I did. That was possibly the hottest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And that makes Eddie nearly preen with pride. “Good,” he says. He’s still holding his right hand at an awkward angle, trying not to touch Steve with the same hand he used to jerk them both off. He glances down at Steve, who appears to be perfectly content staying there, with no sign that he intends to move anytime soon. “Hey, babe,” Eddie murmurs softly.

Steve makes a humming noise. “Yeah?”

Eddie kisses the top of his head. “How about we go get cleaned up? Would that be okay?”

“But I’m so comfy,” Steve protests weakly. He snuggles further into Eddie then, as if he’s proving his point. Instead, all this does is squish their soft cocks together and smears the come on their shirts.

“I know, but we’re kind of disgusting right now. And you can’t go home with your shirt looking like that,” Eddie explains.

Steve leans back a little, chewing his lip as he studies Eddie, a nervous tic. “Can I sleep here?”

Eddie blinks at him. “Uh… here as in… like on my couch?”

Steve’s face flickers with disappointment, but he shrugs. “Er, yeah, if that’s what you, um… yeah, that’s okay.” He stutters through what sounds like a couple different half-sentences, and Eddie can’t help but smile at him.

“Okay. Yeah, you can stay,” he says. He’d love it if Steve would just sleep in his bed, but he’s not sure that he would be comfortable with that idea. He puts the thought out of his mind, patting Steve’s back. “Okay, let’s go get cleaned, bud. And then I’ll make up the couch for you, and we can actually eat our dinner.”

Steve sighs quietly, and Eddie thinks for a terrible moment that he might change his mind, but then he says, “okay,” and shoves himself up to his feet. He looks down at his shirt, stained with both of their releases, and grimaces. “Uh, have you got a shirt I can borrow?” Steve asks.

Eddie has a very brief vision of Steve, wandering around wearing his clothes. Not even in a sexy way; no, he’s imagining Steve going to class, Eddie’s favorite Metallica tee hugging his broad shoulders. He wonders if everyone in the class would realize it wasn’t Steve’s shirt.

“Yeah,” he croaks out when he realizes Steve is staring at him, waiting. “Yeah, um. We can- there’s clothes in my room,” he says, feeling dumb for even saying that. Obviously that’s where his clothes are. God, he’s stupid.

Steve gives him a little smirk. “Lead the way,” he says easily, stepping back and waving his hand with a flourish.

Eddie shoves himself off the sofa, tucking himself back into his underwear but leaving his jeans unbuttoned. It feels like a lot to make the trip to his room like this, fucked out and filthy, with Steve Harrington trailing behind him, humming fucking - “Steve, is that ABBA?” Eddie asks, tilting his head back enough to look at him, allowing every bit of judgment to seep into his expression.

“Uh,” Steve stalls, and Eddie feels him step on his heel, probably on purpose. “Maybe.”

Eddie shakes his head as he tugs off his shirt, chucking it at the laundry basket in the corner of his bedroom as he steps inside. “Can’t believe you’re singing ABBA in this household. That’s basically sacrilege, you know.” He pilfers through his drawer of all his best band t-shirts, plucking out his very favorite and tossing it to Steve. “Don’t lose this, it’s my favorite,” he warns loudly without looking at him, going back to find himself something.

“Oh, I don’t- you don’t have to give me your favorite shirt, Eddie,” Steve says, despite the fact that he’s putting it on when Eddie turns around. “I’d wear whatever, really.”

And damn, Eddie was right. It really is a sight to see, Steve stood there in his t-shirt, looking at Eddie with those big beautiful eyes. If Eddie wasn’t so spent, his cock would probably be twitching in his pants.

“It’s fine,” he says, shucking off his jeans and grabbing a pair of sweatpants for each of them. “I wanted to see King Steve in a peasant’s clothing, at least once,” he jokes. He’s not sure Steve even remembers that, the whole “King Steve” joke from their high school days, but he doesn’t see the harm in it.

That is, until he catches a look at Steve’s devastated face.

“Stevie?” he asks softly, stepping closer to him. “Did I- what did I say?”

Steve shakes his head, dragging in a deep, shuddering breath. “N-nothing. Just… don’t call me that.” His voice is low, but serious, even as he adds a softer, “please.”

Eddie reaches out, relieved when Steve doesn’t flinch away from the contact. He grips his elbow, rubbing his thumb along the inside crease, and waits for Steve to meet his gaze. “Okay,” he says quietly, watching Steve as he watches his mouth. “I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t think about it.”

Steve nods, and Eddie can’t help but coo when he steps closer for a hug. “Sorry,” Steve mumbles against his shoulder. “Hate bein’ sensitive about shit like that, but-”

“Hey, no,” Eddie says, pulling away just enough to get a good look at his face. “I want you to tell me when I cross a line, okay? Because sometimes I don’t realize it. Always tell me, alright?” He kisses Steve’s hair, subtle enough that hopefully he doesn’t even notice it.

“Okay,” Steve says quietly before tugging out of his embrace. It’s sooner than what Eddie prefers, and he aches to have him back in his arms the moment Steve is missing from them. He realizes he’s still just standing there in nothing but his ruined t-shirt and boxers, and the distinct embarrassment of being half-naked while Steve is fully dressed is enough to kick him into gear.

“Here,” Eddie says, holding out the extra pair of sweatpants after he’s tugged his own up his legs. “Unless you want to just sleep in your underwear,” he says, trying not to meet Steve’s eyes.

“These are fine, thanks,” Steve replies, and Eddie forces himself to look away when Steve begins tugging his jeans off.

A few minutes later, they’re both dressed in far more comfortable attire, and Eddie is starving. He leads the way back down the hall to the living room, scooping up their boxes of food and taking it straight to the kitchen to be reheated.

“We’ll have to start the movie over,” Steve says from behind him. When Eddie glances over his shoulder, he finds Steve standing there with his arms crossed, leaning against the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

Eddie grins as he sets the timer on the microwave. “You’re a man after my own heart, Stevie. I figured you’d try to pull the wool over my eyes and pretend you’d been paying attention the whole time.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but it’s playful. “Hard to pay attention when I’ve got you coming all over my cock, hotshot,” he says, smirking.

Eddie gulps, almost choking on his own spit as he turns to stare at the food rotating in the microwave. He’s not sure how to come back from that one, his brain moving too slowly in the wake of a good orgasm to even come up with a smooth retort. “Well,” Eddie says after an awkward moment of silence. “This time we have to pay attention to the movie. No distractions.”

The microwave beeps, and he carefully takes out the boxes, turning to find the smirk on Steve’s face hasn’t lessened. “No distractions. Scout’s honor.”

~~~

Scout’s honor, my ass, Eddie thinks nearly an hour later.

They’ve long since finished their food, and although Steve had managed to follow along the first part of the movie with minimal questions, Eddie can tell he’s losing patience, wiggling in his seat and casting glances at Eddie repeatedly. Eddie was serious though, he doesn’t stand for menial interruptions during Lord of the Rings time, and won’t pause it for anything less than an emergency.

“Eddie,” Steve whispers after another ten or so minutes of fidgeting.

Of course, hearing his soft voice, all of Eddie’s concerns fly straight out the window. He turns to him with a little smile, raising his eyebrows. “Yeah?”

Steve picks at a loose string at the seam of his borrowed sweatpants. “Can you pause it for just a second? I need to brush my teeth and stuff, in case I fall asleep.”

Eddie gives him a playful glare. “You can’t fall asleep during the movie, it’s against the rules!”

Steve rolls his eyes, but drops his head back and whines, playing along perfectly. “But I’m so sleepy,” he argues, batting those pretty little eyes at Eddie.

And of course Eddie can’t argue with that. “Okay, fine. I’ve probably got a spare toothbrush somewhere.” He starts to shove himself off the sofa, but Steve’s voice stops him.

“Oh, that’s okay, I’ve got one.”

Eddie pauses, turning slowly to look at Steve. He’s trying so, so hard not to grin. “You just happened to bring one with you?” He drawls, quirking an eyebrow at him.

Steve’s cheekbones flush with color, and Eddie can’t help but poke at them playfully. “Yes, I did,” Steve says petulantly, slapping Eddie’s pestering hands away.

“But you didn’t know you were staying the night,” Eddie says, feigning confusion.

Steve groans, finally breaking. He covers his face, but Eddie doesn’t let that last long, reaching forward and uncovering those beautiful hazel eyes immediately. “I didn’t, but I… I knew I was going to ask.”

Eddie coos at that, can’t help it really. “Aww, Stevie. How long had you been planning that?”

Apparently that’s a line he’s hesitant to cross, because Steve just looks away, back to plucking at the errant strings hanging off his borrowed pants. He shrugs, mumbling something that Eddie doesn’t quite catch.

“What was that, honey?” Eddie asks, reaching out and tugging at the loose thread Steve just released.

Steve sighs, a loud, almost put-upon sort of thing. “I said… I’ve had the toothbrush in my bag for like a week.” His face is decidedly pink now, and Eddie is so damn fond.

He knows he should laugh this off and move on, or try to at least, but one look at Steve’s embarrassed but hopeful face makes him bold. “All you had to do was ask, baby,” he says softly, patting Steve’s knee.

Steve fidgets again, turning so that his knees are pressed to Eddie’s thigh. “But last time, you acted like…” he trails off, somehow looking even more embarrassed than he did before. “Well, anyway,” he says, waving his hand dismissively.

Eddie doesn’t let it go that easily. “Like what?” He asks quietly, saving space for disappointment or regret, but understanding that this is about Steve’s feelings, not his own.

It takes a few long, awkwardly silent moments for Steve to actually make eye contact and respond. When he does finally look at him, Eddie tries to give him a reassuring smile. “It’s stupid,” Steve says, his gaze flickering between his hands and Eddie’s eyes.

“I seriously doubt that,” Eddie says, trying to be reassuring without being patronizing. “And even if it is, I still want to hear it.”

Steve studies his hands very carefully, picking at a hangnail with the utmost precision. He doesn’t meet Eddie’s eyes when he finally speaks. “I just feel like… like you maybe don’t want me around, sometimes.”

Eddie frowns, ducking his head so that he can say his next words with the full certainty that Steve can actually hear them. “Stevie, no,” he says firmly. He reaches for Steve’s hands, gently clasping each one in an attempt to get rid of Steve’s distraction. “I’m sorry that I ever made you feel like that.” He hesitates then, uncertain if he should say anything more vulnerable than that. And of course, what he should do very rarely matches up with what he’s going to do, and he finds himself opening his big stupid mouth again. “Really, Steve. I… If anything, I want you around more than I probably should.”

Steve sniffles, blinking those sweet hazel eyes up at Eddie with nothing short of doubt lurking in them. “Really?” he asks.

Eddie can’t help himself, leaning in and pressing a little kiss to Steve’s forehead. “Always. I want you around always.”

He’s not sure what to expect from the confession, but what he gets is Steve sniffling louder, his hand coming up to clutch at the back of Eddie’s neck. For a moment, Eddie panics, thinking Steve is about to pull him into a kiss, a kiss that he knows he won’t be able to put a stop to even if he tries, but instead, he just presses their foreheads together, taking a deep, settling breath. “Okay,” Steve murmurs.

It takes him a moment to collect himself, and even when he does pull away, he doesn’t remove his hand immediately. “You okay now?” Eddie asks.

Steve nods. “Yeah. I’m really sorry, I don’t know why I got so… I get sort of sappy after sex sometimes.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Eddie says immediately, shaking his head. “Not for that, and not to me. This is a safe space, remember? You can say anything to me, always.”

A complicated look passes over Steve’s face then, and Eddie has never felt so scrutinized. He can almost imagine Steve walking through the caverns of his brain, inspecting every nook and cranny as he decides what’s worth keeping and what must be discarded. Eddie shivers, unsettled by the intensity of Steve’s expression, and that seems to be what snaps him out of whatever trance he’s in.

“I need to go brush my teeth,” Steve finally says, effectively breaking the tension.

Eddie feels a twin sense of relief and disappointment at that. It had almost felt like… for a moment there, he thought Steve was going to say something else. But surely if he had wanted to say something, he would have. Right?

“Okay,” Eddie replies, scooting away from him on the couch to give him space to go and do what he needs to do. He has a wild, purely self-indulgent thought as Steve is going to grab his bag, and common sense apparently isn’t enough to stop him from saying it. “Hey, if you want to, you can just leave your toothbrush here. That way you’ll have it for next time,” he says, glancing over at Steve and studying him carefully to see his reaction.

Luckily, Steve’s turned mostly towards Eddie, so he doesn’t have to repeat himself. Steve glances up at him, and his lips quirk into a shy smile. “Okay,” he says quietly. “I’ll put it with yours?” he asks.

Eddie nods, feeling a little giddy himself at the prospect. Which is completely ridiculous - something as stupid and simple as their toothbrushes being placed in the same cup is hardly worth freaking out over. And yet… “Perfect,” Eddie says, clearing his throat when his voice cracks.

Steve shuffles off to the bathroom, leaving Eddie alone with his thoughts. He’s not gone for very long, and Eddie has barely made it through one panic-driven cycle of “god, this is wrong, he’s my student, and he was uncomfortable with this at first - wait, what changed?” when Steve returns. He yawns widely as he walks in the room, and Eddie’s nose crinkles at the audible sound of his jaw popping.

“Ew,” he teases. “You’re like a snake, unhinging its jaw to eat a baby.”

Steve gives him a very unimpressed look as he settles back into his place on the couch. “Snakes do not eat babies,” he says with an air of such certainty that Eddie almost doesn’t want to tease him about it.

“Oh but that’s just what they want you to think!” Eddie says, trying to hide his massive grin.

“Sure,” Steve says, rolling his head to the side to give Eddie this little half-amused look. He yawns again, tilting to the side to rest his head on the arm of the sofa, and Eddie realizes how inconsiderate he’s being.

“Shit, I forgot, you’re like, actually tired, aren’t you?” he asks, moving to get up.

Steve’s eyes widen at that, and he tries to disagree, but Eddie can tell from his weak eyes and his posture that he’s exhausted. “No, really, we can finish the movie!” Steve tries, gesturing to the television with one hand.

Eddie shakes his head, standing up and clearing the coffee table of their mess. “Nah, we can finish it another time, bub. You need some sleep.” He takes the trash to the kitchen, washes his hands, and makes his way back to the living room, where Steve is still half-laying down on the couch. “C’mon, gotta take your contacts out,” he reminds him.

Steve grimaces at that, but sits up. “Will you help me? It still kind of grosses me out to do it on my own.”

“Of course,” Eddie replies. “Are your glasses in your bag?”

“Yeah, should be in the case at the top. Contact case is in there, too.”

Eddie dutifully digs it out of the bag, coming to settle on the edge of the coffee table directly in front of Steve once he’s got it. “Alright, hold still,” he murmurs softly before reaching out. He’s gotten the hang of this in the several times Steve has asked for his help, and he’s definitely better at removing the contacts than he is at putting them in for him, so he’s glad that Steve’s mostly got that part down pat. Now that his brain is on that wave length, a nagging thought from earlier returns to his mind. “So… when you go to the ear doctor…” he starts slowly, then pauses when Steve tenses.

“Yeah?” Steve asks when Eddie is quiet for a beat too long.

“If you don’t want to talk about this, we don’t have to,” Eddie says softly.

Steve blinks at him, squinting without the assistance of his contacts, and Eddie can’t help but find it incredibly adorable. “It’s fine,” Steve says with a shrug. “No point in beating around the bush. Like… It’s happening.”

Eddie nods. “Right.” He clears his throat and hands Steve his glasses. “But when it does… Are you prepared for them to tell you that you might need something for that? Like…” He doesn’t want to come right out and say it, a little weary of scaring Steve, or just hurting his feelings.

Luckily, he doesn’t have to have that concern for long, as Steve fills in the blanks for him. “Like a hearing aid?” he guesses.

Letting out the breath he’d definitely been holding, Eddie says, “yeah. Like that. I know it’s just partial hearing loss… Or, well, I think that’s what it is, but… if they say that’s the best option, are you comfortable with that?”

Steve is quiet for a long time. If he wasn’t sitting up, his gaze flickering around the room as he thinks, Eddie would think that he’d fallen asleep. He looks sort of lost, and Eddie can’t even begin to imagine what sort of thoughts are racing through his mind. Eventually, his shoulders slump in what Eddie can only describe as resignation, and he sighs. “I… I guess I’ll have to be,” he says quietly.

Eddie is quick to do what he does best, jumping in to reassure him. “Hey, no. If you don’t want to, I’ll press them for another solution. But… if it’s that or surgery…” he gives Steve a sympathetic look.

Steve knocks his ankles against Eddie’s, staring down at their feet. “I don’t want people looking at me,” he whispers.

Eddie almost responds with a joke, but he knows better now. He knows how sensitive Steve is about these things (rightfully so) and so he knows that would just make it worse. “Why do you think they would be looking at you?” Eddie says, trying to choose his words very carefully. “I’m pretty certain they make relatively discreet aids, so people probably wouldn’t even notice.”

“Maybe,” Steve says noncommittally with a shrug. “But… I don’t want people to look at me… and all they see is the glasses and a hearing aid. Especially…” he rolls his eyes, mostly at himself, and gives Eddie a sardonic smile. “This is stupid, but like… I really don’t want people coming to our basketball games and saying, like… ‘Oh, there goes that deaf kid, who can’t see the ball coming at his face! And did you know he can’t fucking read?’ Like…” he shakes his head. “I don’t want that to be my legacy.”

And Eddie doesn’t really get it, not really. He’s not a member of any sport or club, and even being in a band, he doesn’t think he’s ever particularly given a shit what people thought of him, even though he is a little different, but he supposes that’s just the difference in their personalities. He tries to level with him, and see it through his eyes. “Yeah…” Eddie says slowly. “But baby,” he leans in, putting his hands on Steve’s knees and squeezing. “That’s not going to be your legacy. People are going to remember you because you were an amazing player, yeah, but you know what I’ll remember about you?”

Steve almost seems shy when he asks, “what?”

Eddie smiles at him, reaching up and tucking his hair over his ear. “I’ll remember that you were kind. And hardworking.” He begins counting things off using Steve’s fingers. “Honest, caring, funny, smart.”

Steve’s eyes are wet. “Eddie,” he says softly, like he’s denying it.

Eddie shakes his head, bringing his hand up to his mouth to kiss his palm. “I’m going to remember that you were brave,” he says gently, holding Steve’s gaze. “That you came to me and Murray for extra help, even though you were embarrassed. That you came back to me, even when I had fucked up and said everything wrong, because you chose to be brave enough to let someone help you.” He brushes his lips across Steve’s knuckles. “I’m not going to remember you for your glasses, or for having something in your ear, if that’s what they decide to do. I’m going to remember you, Steve.”

He means it to be reassuring, a pep talk of sorts, but Steve is fully crying by the end of it.

Great. Scratch “motivational speaker” off any potential future career plans.

At first he can’t tell if they’re sad tears or not, but then Steve is lurching forward, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s neck and muffling his tears against his shoulder. It takes him a few minutes of sniffling to get it under control, but Eddie gives him that time, holding him in a loose embrace and stroking his back gently. “Sorry,” Steve mumbles, not so subtly wiping his nose against Eddie’s shirt. “That was just - really fucking sweet, Eddie. I…” He pulls out of his grip for just a moment, giving him a shaky smile. “Thank you. I really needed that.”

Eddie kisses his cheek. “No problem. I’m always here when you need a pep talk. And maybe next time I won’t make you cry,” he jokes softly, thumbing at a stray tear on Steve’s cheek.

Steve just laughs, naturally good-natured about that. “Yeah, we’ll see,” he teases.

Eddie gives him another warm smile before sighing and standing up. “Let me go get you a couple of blankets, yeah?”

Something like disappointment flashes across Steve’s face for a second, but then he’s nodding, watching Eddie disappear down the hall. When he returns with a stack of blankets and a pillow, Steve offers a little half-smile. “Thanks,” he says, watching Eddie as he spreads a sheet across the couch, fluffing a pillow up at one end.

“You want me to tuck you in, baby?” Eddie asks, mostly joking.

Steve gives him that sweet smile, his eyelashes batting softly against his cheekbones as he nods. “Yeah, that would be nice, actually.”

It’s decidedly innocent, and means nothing more than Steve just being silly and seeking some form of comfort, but for some reason, Eddie’s face heats up. “Okay,” he says after an awkward pause. “Um… Lay down?”

Steve does just that, scooting around until he’s resting his head against the pillow, his glasses going a bit wonky on his face. “Can you-” he starts, turning his head a bit.

Eddie nods, reaching out and sliding the frames off Steve’s nose and setting them on the coffee table. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Steve says softly. He’s looking up at Eddie with those big doe eyes, and Eddie has to force himself to look away.

He drapes the fuzzy blanket over Steve first, followed by a quilt his grandmother had made before he was ever born. It’s old and is made up entirely of mis-matched patches of plaid and denim, but it’s probably the most sentimental item he owns. “Warm enough?”

Steve nods. “Mhm.” He looks awful cozy in his spot, and Eddie allows himself to be selfish one more time for the night as he leans in and presses a kiss to his forehead.

“Alright. Goodnight, bub. If you need anything, I’m just down the hall,” Eddie says, giving Steve one last look-over to make sure he’s as snug as he can be. He waits for Steve’s quiet hum of agreement, and then he’s retreating to his bedroom, giving Steve one last look over his shoulder before he disappears from his view for the night.

Behind the almost-closed door, Eddie sighs. God, he wishes he’d just have the guts to ask Steve to sleep in here, with him. Not in a sexual way or anything - no, Eddie just wanted to know what it would be like to cuddle with him for a night, to wake up wrapped in each other’s arms. He huffs and puffs to himself as he crawls into his lonely, empty bed, glaring up at the ceiling as soon as his head hits the pillow. It’s not fair, really. Steve being so close, yet so far away. Perfectly within reach, but also very much inaccessible.

He sighs again, louder this time, as if anyone will hear his passive-aggressive moping.

It occurs to him, vaguely, that he could just go right back down the hall and ask Steve if he’d like to sleep in a real bed rather than the couch. And honestly, even if he says no, what does Eddie have to lose? It’s not like Steve’s going to leave in the middle of the night. Then again, Eddie would hate to even make him uncomfortable enough to even think about that… He goes back and forth several times before ultimately deciding - fuck it. Nothing to lose, might as well give it a shot.

He crosses the space between his bed and the door quickly and quietly, a singular thought in his mind as he reaches for the doorknob.

Eddie has just barely pulled the door open when he bumps into something - or rather, someone.

“Oh, shit, I-” he starts to apologize immediately, then pauses when he registers that of course it’s Steve standing in front of his door. His face is drawn comically around an expression of panic, and Eddie tilts his head at him curiously. “Oh. What were you…” he trails off. It would be a little hypocritical of him to start asking questions about motives now, considering what he was just on his way to do himself.

“Um,” Steve says, his eyes wide. Eddie probably nearly gave him a heart attack, swinging the door open like that before the poor guy could even get the chance to knock. “I got… scared?” he tries, the words coming out more like a question than any real statement of fact.

Eddie can’t help his instinct to tease. Crossing his arms and leaning against the door frame, he says, “oh, did you?”

Steve blushes. “Um… yeah. It’s like… really dark in there, and… and your fridge makes weird noises, and…”

“Hm,” Eddie says, sucking at his teeth like he’s considering the issue. “Well, that’s no good. I can’t possibly leave you out there all alone to fend for yourself against the… fridge noises.” He can’t help but grin as he says it, and can’t bother regretting it when Steve just blushes harder.

He half-expects Steve to give it up then, out of embarrassment if nothing else, but if there’s one thing about him, it’s that he’ll always see something through. Instead, he just nods, casting a weary glance back down the hall. In doing that, Eddie finally notices that Steve’s got the quilt wrapped around his shoulders. Cute.

“Yeah, it would be really… really irresponsible for you to leave me out there all alone. I think I’d be way safer if I…” he seems to lose confidence then, but the longing glance he sends to Eddie’s bed over his shoulder makes his intentions crystal clear.

“I think you’ll just have to sleep in here with me tonight,” Eddie says, feigning disappointment. “Well, come on, then. I hear the fridge likes to claim its victims this time of night,” he says with a grin, gesturing for Steve to come into his bedroom.

Steve makes it a few steps towards his bed before he turns around, giving Eddie an almost desperate look. “You don’t mind me being in here, do you? Because, like, I can sleep by myself! I just-”

Eddie reaches for him, pulling him in via a tug on the quilt. “Honey. I promise I don’t mind. Actually…” He laughs at himself, shaking his head. “That’s why I was already at my door. I was actually about to come in there and ask if you wanted to sleep in here with me. I felt so guilty leaving you in there with just some blankets and a pillow.”

Steve’s face, which had brightened a little at the confession, falls again by the time Eddie finishes speaking. “Oh,” he says, glancing down. “Well, I mean, I don’t mind. I can sleep on the couch, I really don’t have to-”

“Stevie,” Eddie says, his voice full of exasperation. “Baby, I want you to sleep in here with me. I…” he hesitates, feeling that familiar uncertainty that comes with the prospect of being vulnerable to Steve in some way. “I think it would be nice, to not be alone, and… and it would be even better if it was you I was being not-alone with.”

“Oh,” Steve repeats, his voice even softer now. “Okay, then. Should we, um…” He glances at the bed, but his gaze doesn’t linger. Instead it darts all over the room, taking everything in as if he believes it’ll be the last time he sees it. Eddie hopes, selfishly, that it’s not.

“Let’s go to bed,” Eddie says, nodding. He uses his grip on Steve’s quilt-cape to guide him to the bed, walking backwards himself until the back of his knees hit the mattress. He releases Steve just long enough to crawl up onto the bed, patting the empty space beside him as he wiggles under the covers. “C’mon, I don’t bite,” he says, grinning at Steve. “Well, much.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but crawls onto the bed, keeping the quilt wrapped around his shoulders like he’s some kind of little caterpillar. Eddie helps him under the actual sheets and comforter, but Steve seems to have no intentions of letting go of the quilt anytime soon.

Once they’re settled, both of them on their sides facing each other, Eddie yawns. His jaw pops, and they share a grin at the sound. “Like a snake,” Steve murmurs.

It’s silly, but Eddie’s heart swells at the reference to his joke from earlier. “Like a snake,” he echoes.

Steve’s eyes are drooping with exhaustion, and Eddie knows it’s just a matter of time before he loses him to the clutches of sleep. His throat sticks with words he shouldn’t even feel the urge to say, and he clears his throat a few times in an attempt to speak.

“Goodnight, Eddie,” Steve whispers, beating him to the punch.

Eddie nods, feeling ridiculous at the swell of emotion that rises in his throat. Oh, god. He’s really got it bad for him, there’s no way around it.

“Goodnight, Stevie. Sweet dreams.”

Eddie doesn’t sleep a wink.

[the-pigeon]

hullooo pigeon!!! long time no see

idk what to ask actually but ill read anything you say hehe. whats your life been? what do you think about ctommys finale? any new fav streamers/yts?

also ive seen vin/voni pronouns, thats such a nice lil latinization of ukrainian pronouns :D real nice

i began noticing that it looks like a letter wth. i guess school attacked my memory with letter writing pattern that its too much for me to bear ig o(-(

(plz dont forget to tag me when you answer this lil semiletter :)

HIIIII HI HI HI IHIHII HI hello omg sniffs you like a dog sniffs new people omg i cant remember when we last spoke and i tried to dig thru my blog to find it but. tumblr search feature hates being functional obvs but anywayyyy hi hi hi hi i love letters i love your letter so here is my strange letter for you o7

my life has beeeen okay. i think. fully finished high school finally so im Moving On from that hellhole. my final graduation presentation night thing is this friday and then it is. over. forever.

and to be. honest. i haven't watched the ctommy finale 😭 idk if it's out of refusal bc of dream or becausre apparently it's bad. as i said i havent watched it so i dont know what happened in it but i've heard it's . bad. have u watched it? because. if so what do u think. is it bad as i've heard lmao

i dont think i have any. new fave streamers? at this point i've been one of those bench trio fans for so long i can't escape. i have gotten a lot more into like hermitcraft nd the life series side of things but i dont really watch all that many streams of it. i've used my prime sub on foolish tho if that counts as anything.

also also not really related but also kind of related (not that much) but i've also gotten into like dhmis and the quarry and also i watched the new wednesday series and as a goth i liked it :] also i've started making a lot of kandi bracelets so that's fun hehe

alsssoo thanks :D on the pronouns i mean. it started because i came out to my grandfather who mainly speaks ukranian so i had to explain how to use they/them and thus ! voni.

how have you been. hooow has. uni been. ur title says ur in uni what are you studying ? i applied for uni next year to do a physics major and creative writing minor but idk if i've gotten in yet sooo how knows. but how has you've been?

and that's my letter in return to you :D @spoiledlbleach

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Going home

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett

I've had blood taken twice, an IV put in for no reason and done a lot of waiting.

Then I got a CT scan and got checked over by a neurologist who, thank God for years of schooling, thinks I have a concussion.

No shit.

Now I'm waiting, again.

I have no idea what I'm still doing here.

"Hey Emmett. How are you?"

Finnegan.

He shouldn't be here.

He should be working but I'm too tired to argue.

"Tired. Want some ibuprofen and to go home."

"Let me see what I can do about that. I'm gonna tell the doctor we're brothers."

Damn it, laughing hurts.

He's gone so I lie back and close my eyes again.

"The nurse will be here within ten minutes. You have to sign some things and then we can go."

That sounds familiar.

"They said that an hour ago."

"Relax, I'll handle it, bro."

Bro?

"Don't make me laugh."

"Sorry," he whispers.

"Rest."

Can do.

A few minutes later a nurse actually arrives and I get print-outs and have to tell them my birthday yet again.

I let Finnegan do most of the talking and before long he's pushing me towards the elevator in a wheelchair.

"I can walk."

"And I can push."

I think it but don't say it so of course he does.

"As proven at the beach. Seriously, bad things never happen there, we should go back."

That's actually sounding really good right now but I'd rather be in bed.

He holds the chair and hovers while I climb into his SUV.

"Glad it's higher, easier."

Seriously, I'm falling in love with this car.

"Can we get McDonalds?"

What can I say?

It's comfort food.

I want a whole carton of piping hot fries.

And a big mac.

And an apple pie.

So I tell him so.

"Whatever you want today, sweetheart."

Sweetheart? He's sweet.

"I'm not sweet."

"You are literally the kindest, sweetest guy I've ever met. Granted, you're a bit grumpy right now but you have a good reason to be. Okay hold on, food imminent."

I close my eyes while he orders and pays and don't open them again until he puts a steaming bag on my lap.

"Thank you."

"Anytime. Home?"

"Yeah."

When we get home he makes me wait while he brings down a sheet and bed pillows for the couch.

He drapes the sheet over the seat and back, helps me out of my clothes and then installs me on the extra snuggly couch.

I get a blanket, my McDonalds, a bottle of water, Tylenol and the remote.

I doubt I'll watch but it's a nice thought.

"Thanks darling."

"Anything else you need? I wanna read these discharge papers."

"You don't need to read those, I just have a concussion and a stupid gash on my head. You should go back to work if you need to."

"I figured Tylenol would be better because of the head wound.  I'm not going back to work, Emmett. I'll check in later and do some work from home tomorrow but right now I'm all yours."

"I'm just going to eat and then rest until the pills kick in. Wake me up in two hours or I won't be able to sleep later. If you can't wake me up or I start vomiting all over the place, call the hospital."

There, now he doesn't need to read the papers.

********

"Emmett? Emmett?"

Huh? Oh.

My head. Ow.

Finnegan.

"Hey darling."

"Thank God, I was sort of scared to try to wake you up because if I couldn't... but you're fine. Need anything?"

"To piss."

He helps me off the couch as if I'm an invalid and shadows me to the bathroom.

"Gonna hold my cock, too?"

"Somehow I doubt that would help you pee. God, I hope it wouldn't."

"No, no darling it wouldn't. You holding me is not exactly relaxing. Go, I'm fine."

"I'll wait right outside."

Fine.

I haven't been mothered like this since, well, it's been a long time.

I would complain except that I doubt it would do any good and I don't want to.

It's kind of nice, actually.

I make sure to wash my hands really well since he's listening.

I need him to cut off this stupid bracelet.

He'll be glad to help.

He puts me back on the couch and brings me a book and then he does something that means a lot. 

He puts his box of toys on the coffee table. 

"You can play with them if you want."

[crehador]

ive looked through your 2023 watched stuff but ive been wondering if youve said anywhere what your favourite animes of all time are ? just curious cus i want more reccs

ooh good question! i am so indecisive and so full of love for so many series that it's always been a bit of a struggle to pick out just a few absolute faves, but here are the first few that come to mind

(i'll try to keep to shorter series here)

and standard disclaimer that everything here is my opinion and my opinion only

best anime of all time: shouwa genroku rakugo shinjuu, and for me nothing even comes close

the story is told over the course of two seasons (the second being shouwa genroku rakugo shinjuu: sukeroku futabi-hen; 25 episodes total) and it is imo just an absolute masterpiece. it's a somber tale, but executed in such a masterful way. the show is centered around rakugo and rakugo performers, and felt to me like not only an incredible story but an incredible performance of the art of storytelling

i don't rewatch this one very often because it makes me so sad, but i think it's a beautiful and worthwhile sort of sadness to experience

best sports anime of all time: kaze ga tsuyoku fuiteiru (23 episodes), and once again nothing even comes close. which means a lot coming from me because i love sports anime i will watch any sports anime i love good ones i love bad ones i love them unconditionally i'm like sports anime georg so 'best sports anime' is maybe even a more significant crown than 'best anime' coming from me lmao

ahem anyway in terms of objective quality there's just nothing that beats kazetsuyo, and i highly recommend it even as a character-centric piece for people who aren't generally into sports anime. it's just that good

side note 1: while i would call kazetsuyo the 'best' sports anime, my personal favorite is eternally kurobas (though it is on the longer side)

side note 2: honorary mention to megalo box, another of my all-time favorites. it's sports + sci-fi so i typically don't count it solely as a sports anime, but i love it to bits. there is a second season that i haven't even seen yet! i've always heard the second season is even better than the first, so i've been saving it for a special day (also i'm a bit scared of it because i was so happy with the ending of the first season that i'm kinda like resistant to change lol)

best anime i can't tell you anything about: so generally i'm of the belief that spoilers don't ruin much for me, if something is done well then it's done well even if i know it's coming. that said, there are a handful of series where i am so glad i went in knowing nothing, so that every twist and turn caught me completely unawares

and the top two i would recommend in this category are samurai flamenco (22 episodes) and sarazanmai (11 episodes)

definitely do look up trigger warnings if you've a need for them! but otherwise, going in knowing nothing really heightened the experience of these for me

they are... strange, and amazing

this is getting long so i'll just dump a bunch of favorites in a list below (some are Great, some are decidedly Not Great but Very Fun and beloved to me lol, and all are 25 episodes or less)

feel free to ask for details if you'd like to hear more about any of these, or if you'd like recs in any specific genres!

acca: 13-ku kansatsu-ka, appare-ranman!, baccano!, barakamon, cool doji danshi, dorohedoro, fantasy bishoujo juniku oji-san to, gankutsuou, gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, houseki no kuni, ikebukuro west gate park, kimi to boku, kuragehime, paripi koumei, sabikui bisco, tiger & bunny (and its distant cousin double decker! doug & kirill), uchouten kazoku, wotaku ni koi wa muzukashii, yojuhan shinwa taikei, yuru camp

side note 3: just realized tiger & bunny is actually no longer under 25 episodes because we got a second season after like ten years lmao BUT i couldn't bring myself to remove it because it is phenomenal

[0rph1x]

gonna do a few of these so just keep an eye out for that

i would post this on @luvr-boys-thoughts but i don't wanna flood it too bad so u get this instead

1. ive been okay, getting my sleep schedule back in order

2. no but i used to for a psych class

3. living my perfect future, post transition with my partner in a spot just for us

4. im definitely trying to

5. yeah, most of them don't mistreat me but don't actively check up on me ig

6. no, ive cut them all off bc i cannot handle that

7. yeah, pretty well! i feel well fed at least

8. high school ap lit teacher

9. uhhhhh 😃 that one as a sign of distress

10. idk if this means space but andromeda

11. yellow, it's their favorite and reminds me of them every time i see it

12. my ability to care, a blessing and a curse

13. id like to try it at some point but im scared of ruining it

14. no but i do want some of both

15. don't have any yet

16. spiderman =] there's a long list but he's first place

17. spiderman again =] or harry osborn, same thing abt the previous one tho

18. uhhhh i don't think i would tbh all my faves are too similar to me

19. andrew garfield or noah schnapp they're so silly

20. gay/mentally ill/trans content, or spiderman

21. capricorn bc them

22. yeah, id say so!! shit at math tho

23. it's so shit i wanna help fix it

24. english

25. saturn is rlly pretty, and my favorite element is earth atm

26. uhhhh great question idk

27: i don't wear makeup

28: freedom, acceptance, safety

29: english fluently, and bits of french, but idk if that counts

30: none they're all bad /JJJJ shakespeares a little silly

31: ufos =] it's not technically proved but. cmon.

32: same as the previous answer

33: not in the spiritual sense but i do think it's harmful to only think abt negative things yknow

34: having a partner for halloween

35: absolutely

36: yes 🥰

37: not unconditionally yet but we're getting there

38: autumn, but specifically right at the beginning when it's still kinda spring

39: GOOD QUESTION poe/shakespeare are solid ones ik they're basic but still

40: coraline/tasm2

41: tbh? probably not. there's a lot.

42: my partner

43: i don't have a specific person but i love my 3 irl friends they're so fun

44: yeah i do both

45: everywhere i possibly can

46: what does this mean.

47: the orangeish redish pinkish color right at sunset

48: not at all

49: great question i haven't figured that out yet

50: my mom/friends

51: idk if i rlly have one that i can think of off the top of my head

52: not really, ik there are things that i can't explain but i consider myself atheist

53: literally all of them. they're all so interesting

54: its terrifying

55: im afraid of ending up alone eventually

56: i want to be a more improved/true version of me if that counts

57: same as previous answer

58: i would want to try to educate first but some ppl are just rlly stuck in their ways so im not rlly sure

59: oh yeah i caught a bunch as a kid

60: tbh i prefer beaches mainly bc ive never seen mountains

61: the best sweet there is. stunning. immaculate. perfect.

62: uhhhhh idk whatever my mom makes at home, she's a good cook

63: i can see the appeal but ive never fully gotten into it

64: no idea, ig the imagination of it would be cool

65: not rlly, ppl have told me im intimidating before they actually talked to me tho

66: WHAT. UHHHHH IDK.

67: neither, u don't have to forgive anyone for anything but making peace with it instead of dwelling on it forever is so beneficial

68: i wanna give my mom her own place one day, one thats fully paid off and everything so she can live how she wants

69: no clue what this means

70: i don't think so but idk what this means either

71: oh yeah for sure, not in like the "looking down at myself" kinda way but ones where i feel like im in the backseat just watching things happen

72: nah that's too stressful

73: i wouldnt

74: dark academia/grunge kinda thing

75: im not rlly sure tbh

76: calla lilies, green apples, and thresher sharks

77: yeah, a few times!

78: someone came up to me in a build a bear and asked me what pair of glittery heels were better for a sonic plush and it made my day

79: absolutely

80: kinda both depending on the situation

81: pretty often from one person

82: yeah, ive made it a personal goal of mine to give out at least one compliment a day, especially when i go out

83: there are so many i couldn't choose just one

84: uhhhh if physically possible, saturn

85: don't rlly have one they all make my head hurt

86: tigers eye/moss agate

87: i don't have one they're all rlly cool

88: ig so, it's hard to come across as a gay man when ur pretransition tho

89: depends on the situation ig but id say im a good balance of both

90: no but that sounds interesting

91: i definitely try to

92: i rlly like the full moon it's so pretty, and the rlly thin crescent

93: yeah, multiple ppl

94: id say so, yeah

95: GREAT QUESTION idk. dark green. like very dark green. im thinkin like roygbiv rainbow tho

96: lavender just bc it's my favorite

97: yeah i own quite a few

98: OH OH "you owe the world your gifts, you just have to figure out how to use them" - uncle ben, tasm1

99: i would like to but i have no idea

100: im not sure, something living tho

OKAY DONE WITH THIS ONE. FINALLY.

100 questions for whoever wants to ask themselves or answer:

How have you been ?

Do you have a dream journal?

If you could dream about something all your life what would it be ?

Are you taking care of your mental health?

Do the people in your life take good care you?

Have you left the toxic people in your life ?

Did you eat well today?

What's your dream job?

What's your favourite emoji?

Where do you want to astral travel ?

If you could see only one colour, which colour would it be ?

What is your favourite thing about yourself?

Would you like to colour your hair?

Do you have tattoos or piercings ?

What do your tattoos represent?

Who is your favourite fictional character?

Who is your favourite movie character?

If you could marry a fictional character who would it be ?

Who is your idol ?

What are your main niche's here on Tumblr?

What is your favourite astrological sign except yours and why ?

Are you good academically ?

What are your views on the education system?

What is your favourite subject ?

What is your favourite planet & element?

What's your favourite piece of clothing?

What's your favourite makeup product?

What are the main themes of your best life?

How many languages do you speak?

Who is your favourite historical figure?

What's your favourite unproved theory?

What's your favourite conspiracy theory?

Do you believe in law of attraction ?

What is the best thing you have manifested?

Do you believe in love ?

Are you in love with someone?

Do you love yourself unconditionally?

What's your favourite season?

Who is your favourite poet ?

What is your favourite movie ?

Can your life be summed up in a song/ movie?

Who is your favourite person on Tumblr?

Who is in your irl favourite person?

Do you write or make art?

Where do you wanna travel?

Do the flame coloured skies light your fire?

What is your favourite colour of the sky?

Do you know anything about your past life?

What do you think your soul is really like?

Is there someone you have deep talks with?

Who is your favourite deity?

Are you a religious , heathen or spiritual person?

What are the other cultures except yours that you admire ?

What are your views on ongoing world crisis right now ?

What do you fear ?

Would you be someone else if you could?

Who would you like to be ?

What would you like to do with racists and homophobes ?

Have you ever caught a butterfly?

Beaches or mountains?

Describe chocolate .

What do you like to eat the most?

Are you into spirituality?

What do you like about being spiritual the most?

Do you think you are intimidating?

Are you a sweetheart or a baddie ?

What do you find easy , forgive or forget ?

Something you really want to do for your parents .

Are you in your soul community right now ?

Are you a starseed ?

Did you ever have an OBE ?

Would you like to time travel?

If yes past or future?

What's your favourite aesthetic?

Are you a hippie or a home person ?

What's your favourite flower, fruit &animal?

Have you ever travelled in a boat?

What is the best thing a stranger has done for you ?

Do you believe in the kindness of strangers ?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

How often do you get compliments?

Do you generally compliment people ?

What's your favourite space entity?

If you could inhabitate one planet where would you choose?

What are your favourite essential oils ?

What are your favourite crystals?

What is your favourite tarot card ?

Do you find it easy to express your sexuality?

Are your right brained or left brained?

Have you tried third eye awakening ?

Do you usually channel your creativity?

What's your favourite phase of the moon?

Is there someone you would really like to do something for ?

Are you a charitable person?

If you could add one more colour to the rainbow what would it be ?

Which fragrance do you think represents you ?

Do you own stuff toys?

What is your favourite quote/poem of all times?

Do you believe in afterlife?

What do you want be reborn as ? What are your characteristics?

That's all have a great day ✨

[wild-battlebond]

speaking of bakugan did you guys know that battle brawlers is one of those shows that (who i'm assuming are) the rights holders just throw up all the episodes onto youtube

[spacexseven]

hi tuna I am not feeling Super Great atm so I'm not gonna ramble on this concept for Too Terribly Long cuz Brain Bad BUT I was thinking about the spy au again and what. if. added a little angst to it and our little spies realized they actually quite liked darling a biiiit too late. I'm talking after they've already carried out the assassination (and possibly torture). darling is fine of course, managed to survive the onslaught in some manner, but yan doesn't know that. yet. I'm sure they'll figure out eventually but they kinda already shot themself in the foot haven't they. forcing the emotion of guilt upon dazai and fyodor. sorry boys.

P.S. didn't mean to leave u hanging on the soulmate au thing im pretty sure I sent u an ask on that??? cant rly recall I sure hope I did.

P.P.S oh hell yeah ur playing obey me. love obey me. I'm personally a fan of belphegor and beel but tbh I like all of the characters! diavolo good choice. big dork. are u thinking of writing for them cuz thatd be fun.

- 🩹

yes im very sorry i answered it really late cos winter break is coming up right ive got my semester finals and what not so im struggling to juggle everything rn T^T please excuse the lateness itll be like this for a while

you know i might actually try writing for obey me sometime when i'm free. i'm not a huge fan of the game style but the lore sounds super interesting so ive just been watching playthroughs. diavolo is so <3 i love him beel is cute too but belphegor is so SCARY what is going on with him

huhuhu severely wounding darling and realizing they might never forgive them would kill them. i can see dazai, after realizing that there was no salvaging this relationship, lose all his previous reluctance and just go all out. if darling's already certain he can't convince them to forgive him when he's nice, there was nothing else he can do apart from this, right? chuuya would be similarly reckless, but he'll end up scaring darling into pretending to forgive him. with fyodor, i can see him using some scary tactics to break down darling until they have no choice but to go along with his decisions. guilty? as far as he's concerned, he was only protecting his goal. but now that darling's part of it, he has no reason to fool them any longer. things would be more pleasant if they just gave in and forgave him already.

[avenging-criminal-bones]

After All This Time || Chapter Five

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 2,146

Chapter Summary: Anger. And harshness, maybe feelings. I haven't decided yet so I guess you'll have to just read to find out.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst?, asshat hotch again, sad feels

A/N: Guys, I'm like legitimately so sorry that this chapter took so long. It's not even that I've been all that busy. I definitely did go to California for two weeks, but after that I think I just got lazy? Had writer's block? I don't know. But New chapter is UP.

TAGLIST:

@kingofthetwats @wanniiieeee @uwu-sebastianstan @piggyinthesea @yoshigguk @thatisthemagic @errorcosplay67 @ivebeenthinkingboutu @big-galaxy-chaos @rynfoxsleeps @phoenixsnape1 @mojofun @pachiibatt @enjoymyloves @thenewnormalforensicator @word-scribbless @zezezena @chelseyjoyce @ellyhotchner @lora21 @flipperpenguins @illegal-brains @sunnysaysbookreviews @anti-zippy-snoot @kya-li

You come to eleven hours later, the first thing that you hear being the steady beep of a monitor.

The hospital.

It smells... white, the cleanness of it making you scrunch your nose. Still not having opened your eyes, you sense the brightness, almost making you not want to at all.

However, you knew how hospital visits work. When Reid was injured, the whole team was there waiting for him to wake up. With that push, that you had people waiting for you to wake up, you opened your eyes.

Everything was too bright at first. You felt your lips fall into a grimace and joked aloud, "You guys don't need to be so quiet, she lives."

There was no response, and as your vision cleared up, the wind was knocked out of you like a punch to the gut.

Empty.

The whole room was empty. Aside from you and the TV, there was no talking. There were no people.

For a moment you thought that you were dead. Or maybe dreaming, because who wakes up from a seemingly severe injury with no support system? With no friends.

You hear your heartbeat speed up before you feel it, but boy do you feel it when it hits.

The monitor must send an alert to the nurses' station or something because shortly after, a small, black-haired woman rushes into the room.

"Agent L/N? Are you alright, is there any-,"

"I just- where- did my- wh-where is my team?" The stutter surprised you and you sat up fast, not realizing how prominent the pain in your abdomen was until it was too late. You let out a soft gasp, but looked at the nurse to hear an answer.

"Oh, uh, honey... I asked as they left and the tall, broody one said that there was an emergency." She walked up to you and turned a dial on your IV machine, gently asking you to lay down again.

You complied, not fully paying attention. Your mind was somewhere else; thinking about the harshness of your team, but you had to assume that this was Hotchner's doing.

"You alright, sweetie," the kind nurse asks, her name is Monica.

You nod slowly, your head feeling a lot lighter than it had when you woke up. "Yeah. I'm okay. Um, before you go can you hand me my phone?"

She nods, looking at you for where, and you gesture to the bag that's slightly out of your reach. Monica hands you both the phone and its charger, pointing to an outlet on the wall behind your head.

Nodding in thanks, you plug the charger into the wall and watch the kind nurse leave before unlocking your phone. You see immediately that you have five missed calls from your mother, and after further searching, you notice messages from Emily, JJ, and Penelope. JJ's was the most recent, so you open hers first.

JJ (BAU) 43 minutes ago.

Hey Y/N, In case you wake up before we get back, Hotch called our debrief meeting, so we all went back to the precinct. Sorry, hon.

xoxo JJ and the Girls

You didn't register the tears until they were falling down your cheeks. You sighed a bit and replied to JJ's message with a short, 'got it'.

As soon as you pushed the 'send' button, the door to your room opened again and your entire team rushed in.

Well, most of the team.

Really, everyone except one person.

You were quick to wipe your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you had been crying. JJ walked to the chair beside your bed and sat down, giving you the most gentle hug as she did.

"Did you get my message? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a nurse, any water?"

"JJ, you're momming her," Derek joked as he bent to give you a hug. "For real though, you feelin' alright, lil mama?"

You nodded, sending him a tight-lipped smile as Emily walked over to the other side of your bed, bringing Penelope with her on a video call.

Spencer even came by, but he looked relatively uncomfortable and stayed by the door.

Waving at him a bit, you say, "You can come in you know. I won't bite."

"I know, Y/N. I was just worried. Statistically speaking, you survived on an off-chance. The ratio was close to 83:17, and the bullet entered your abdomen in-"

"I get it Spence. I should be dead," you pause slightly seeing everyone's wide-eyed look at your bluntness, "BUT I didn't die, so everyone can stop looking at my like I'm going to break and just settle." You chuckle a bit and sigh as you see the rest of the team besides Spencer nod their heads or visibly relax their shoulders.

"You're right, kiddo," Rossi says quietly, "You're okay, and we can celebrate that."

"Thanks, Rossi." Smiling, you lean into his hand, which was cradling the side of your face for a moment. "Can someone get Hotchner please? I had some words that I'd like to have him hear."

JJ places her hand on your arm then and says, "Y/N, maybe that's not the best idea right now."

"No," you shake your head and make eye contact with her, "That's exactly what I need right now."

"Y/N..."

"Spencer, can you go get him please? He's just sitting out in the lobby, correct?" You snap a little harsher than you meant to.

The boy stutters a bit, but eventually nods his head and walks out of the room. The rest of the team shares a look before also walking out, giving you space for when your boss comes in.

Sitting up straighter in the bed, you even your mouth into a thin line just as Hotchner walks in the room.

"Am I off the clock right now, sir?" You don't miss the way his eyes flash to your lips but you choose to ignore it.

He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, "Say what you need to say, agent."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Calling the debrief not only at a time where one of the team members can't make it, but when the team member is in the hospital with a GSW wound." Your voice rises steadily as you continue talking, but you have more to say. "Not only that, but you couldn't even be bothered to make sure I was okay when the debrief was over?" Subconsciously, you recognize the switch from a third-person mindset to a personal one, but you pay it no mind.

"Agent L/N, you-"

"No. You will call me Y/N, and I will be calling you Aaron. We aren't on the clock right now and you don't deserve my professionalism," the heart monitor spikes in tempo, and you throw the blanket off of your lap.

He quirks an eyebrow at you as you command him, but nods his head slightly, letting you be in control for the moment. "Go ahead, Y/N. You get whatever irrational anger you have towards me out in the open and we can deal with the consequences later."

"I left EVERYTHING for this job, Aaron. I left my mom, who never stopped grieving a lost son, I left my job there thinking this would be better, and I lost friends and people who actually cared about my well-being. People who wouldn't leave one of their own in an unknown hospital to wake up by themself, not sure if they were even actually alive since there wasn't anyone with them." You saw Aaron flinch with everything that you listed, but you didn't care. He needed to hear it. "So yeah, Aaron. I get to be angry, and you don't get to tell me it's irrational, because this is the most rational I think I've been this entire year."

"Y/N. You put not only yourself, but me, and the rest of the team in danger yesterday. Excuse me if I don't want to see you and be around you while you're in the hospital." Really, if burned Aaron to his core that he couldn't reach over and tuck the stray piece of hair behind your ear, because right now that's what he wanted to do. Except it's inappropriate and he's not sure you'd let him within three feet of you.

"NO! You see, that's not how it works. Are you telling me that if you saw a little boy with a gun trained on them, you wouldn't have done the exact same thing?" Hot tears fill your eyes, but you don't wipe them. You almost hope that him seeing you cry will make him feel bad, if even just a little.

Glancing at the way his jaw was set and how he clenched his fists in his lap, you knew he was struggling to keep his cool, so of course you pushed harder.

"What if it was Jack, Aaron."

"Dammit, L/N, it wasn't Jack. It was just some boy that we couldn't save. We shouldn't have been able to save him. You didn't use the training you had, and you didn't use the rational part of your brain. As terrible as that sounds, and trust me, I never want to lose a victim, if you had used the training from the bureau, we wouldn't have saved him. " Aaron stands up and paces the length of the bed then, feeling your eyes following him the whole time.

You shake your head as you let your gaze fall to your lap. "I wasn't going to let him die again... I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."

Aaron's eyebrows furrow a bit and he looks at you with angry curiosity in his eyes, "Again? What do you mean by that?" That's when Hotch remembered earlier when you mentioned her mother who lost a son. "Y/N, did your brother... No. Actually, I'm sorry, just forget I said anything,"

There was a dark anger in your eyes as you shook your head. "No, Aaron. Ask me. Ask me this one question, and then reassess your profiling of me."

His gaze turned steely as he squared his shoulders again, showing no emotion in his voice as he spoke. He almost felt like the best way to approach you right now was as if you were the unsub.

"Was your brother murdered, Y/N?"

Dropping your head, you feel the tears burning in your eyes again and you nod. "He was only five. He had his whole life ahead of him. You'd think a child would be safe with a group of nuns or a priest, but no. Not even them. He was branded with a cross before he was killed and it's just unfair."

Aaron starts to walk closer to your bed, seeing the devolving pattern of your breathing, "Y/n, I'm so sorry, I-"

"No. Aaron, just, please go. I'll catch a flight home when I'm allowed to fly again, so you guys just go home and I'll figure it out. I mean, that's what I did when I was waking up by myself, right? Go ahead and fire me if you need to, suspend me, I don't care anymore, but I'll come back when the hospital says it's safe." You take a deep breath and watch as he turns away.

He gets all the way to the door before he turns back around and says, "What was his name."

"Joey."

Hotch nods and walks out of the door, remembering that the final victim, the one that you saved, was named Joseph.

After the encounter with Hotch you fell asleep. The heavy medication and the anger in your head knocked you out easily. You were asleep for a few hours, but you woke up when your pain medication wore off.

You noticed that your work phone had a few notifications, so you sat up a bit and looked through them.

There were two that stood out to you. The first one was a notification that read "Hotchner (Asshat) has added you to the group 'BAU Team'". The second was his message in that group chat.

Hotchner (Asshat) 2 hours ago

Hey team, change in plans. We will be staying here until Y/N gets cleared to fly. It should only be a couple of days and I know we were planning on flying out tonight. Sorry, Thanks.

As soon as you liked his message, your texts were blowing up from Emily. She was saying stuff about how "he totally likes you", and about, "you had a rough time on this case".

Also, apparently Derek saved all of his sarcasm for when Hotch got back, and the thought made you smile.

[sunnytastic]

bro im telling you percy jackson never gets old... like yeah the writing style definitely matures toward the end of the series but that's not to say that the first books aren't incredible in their own right

im reading the percy jackson and the olympians rn for the first time in several years. I prefer to read the heroes of olympus series (what can I say? I love leo <3). but with the disney+ percy Jackson series being greenlit, I figured it would be a good time to revisit all the percy jackson books, in chronological order.

like I said, I haven't read the first series in a while and I honestly didn't have high hopes. I know that younger me loved the original series but I was worried that current me would would not. I was no longer the target demographic for this novel anymore and I was worried I would think it was childish and goofy.

funny enough, it is childish and goofy and yet it endears me. honestly, it reminds me of how im feeling when im watching avatar the last airbender. yes, the characters are young but that only adds to show how dangerous the stakes are in their world. and the humor maybe a little juvenile but it still gives me a smile.

I will say this, the actual writing style in the lightening thief is more simplistic than the books I usually read. but that doesn't mean the writing style is bad, it's just more straightforward and requires less inferences from the reader. but I expected this because again, I am not the intended audience. even so, the simple writing style makes for a quick read. I am not finished with the lightening thief yet but I will definitely make a post about it when im done. even if this is only for me, im really interested to see how my perspective of the characters has changed since first reading the series (im already loving annabeth way more than I remember. even at twelve, she is so cheeky and its adorable).

Im hoping make some more posts about my thoughts on the series as I read the books. these books were such a part of my childhood and ive been meaning to revist them. im on spring break and since the pj&o novels are relatively short, I think I can make it through the first series and should have made some posts about what I think. the heroes of olympus books are much longer and more complex and so those will have longer times in between posts so I can give each book a proper analysis .