#i haven’t seen the original material because I DON’T HAVE TIME

[wangxian-the-zhijis]

I don’t hate those who have seen the original source. I hate those who:

feel superior and entitled because they’ve seen the original source

trash on CQL just because it’s different from the books

force their book opinions on CQL lovers when clearly, these 2 are different (civilized discussions are welcome)

are disrespectful and toxic

If you think you are at least one of the bulleted points above, do us both a favor and block me!

I am doing my utmost best not to attract book/donghua fans by using proper tags. It’s not my fault that the characters have the same names in the adaptation. If you really have a problem with The Untamed, kindly block the “The Untamed” and/or “CQL” tags and I won’t be on your radar anymore!

Now, if you love CQL or— if you’ve read the novel or watched the donghua or both AND— you ARE NOT any of the bulleted points above, then you are very welcome here! Welcome to my blog!

More details about this blog—

I like to do a variety of stuff (majority about WangXian) but I usually make gifs. I organized all of them through the tags:

My Gifs

My The Untamed X Songs Edits

My The Untamed X Quotes Edits

My Essays

Attempt At Making Humor

Incorrect Quotes

My Chinese Translations

My Video Edits

My Fanfics (there’s only one as of now but hopefully I make more in the future)

The Untamed BTS // YiZhan

[ My previous pinned post - All CQL lovers should see this! ]

[mochifiction]

I’m totally not back for some Late Night Transformers One discourse…who said that…I wanna address something I’ve seen in some of the feedback for the film that, I don’t know, irks me…? One of these things is the fact that “Orion is an asshole” or “immature and stupid” and therefore people don’t like him. I don’t know how to say this, but…he’s like that in a lot of continuities. Orion, in most variants, is a smartass. He has a mouth which gets him both a platform and also in trouble. He also has a habit of seeing short-term solutions to long-term issues. These are things that have existed for a long time, and I think those who have been calling him unlikeable or an ass haven’t seen his variants in the source material. People who also expected him to be a data clerk and throwing a fit about the fact that he’s not also need to realize that it’s a COMIC FRANCHISE. You won’t get the same story every time, and to expect a new continuity to fall back on the sole continuity YOU want is honestly insane. If we regurgitate the same narrative over and over again, the franchise loses originality. Audiences for other franchises have also voiced disdain when their favorite pieces of media get repetitive. This is also a reminder to people that Orion Pax and Optimus do not have the same exact personalities. That’s the whole point and why some people grieve Orion’s absence. To expect him to be the likable gentle giant we know as Optimus Prime right away is an impossible demand to be met. Not only that, but this isn’t even the film relying on one version of Orion, but a mosaic of them all.

I also saw people saying D-16 switched on Orion way too quickly. I’d also argue here that other continuities did similar behavioral changes. In Aligned, Megatronus literally turns his back on him and abandons him at the Council meeting. The behavior is shockingly abrupt, which hurts Orion because he didn’t understand what he could have possibly done wrong. I’d also argue that, in this film, you see multiple times where D-16 is irritated with Orion’s sense of almost immature and irresponsible justice. It’s subtle but then leads to a quick snap. The behavioral change is supposed to be jarring. You’re supposed to feel like it comes out of nowhere.

I am half asleep writing this so I can make another in-depth post when I’m more alive, but I just wanted to remind people they only had an hour and forty minutes to display how a civil war occurs. That’s very hard to do as someone who studies and writes about revolutions and anti-colonial resistance. With the time they had, it was a good job. I only pray people read the source material before giving CinemaSins-esque critiques as well. No Transformers film is perfect. This one definitely wasn’t trying to be.

[leviaana]

Miraculous Movie Review (Rating: 4/10)

I watched the preview of the Awakening movie yesterday and really want to share my honest review. There’s going to be several things that I’ll criticize. So be warned!

Also: Spoilers!! DON’T read it if you haven’t seen it yet. This is my personal opinion. So please stay excited for it!! 🐞🪄

First of all, my overall rating for this movie is a 4/10. Just yesterday I was ready to give it a 5/10, but quickly noticed it had much more things that upset me than I initially realized when walking out of the movie.

I know it’s a pretty low rating coming from such a huge fan like myself, but that’s probably the main issue. I’m a big fan of the show, so changes in lore and characterization will be more apparent to me. For better or for worse, in this case, mostly for worse.

On the first glimpse the movie seems like a retelling - a soft reboot, if you will - of show’s origin story. The plot goes much further than that however, as it also provides a conclusion in form of a final battle with Hawkmoth as well as an identity reveal of our two main heroes.

In order to ensure the entire premise fits into a 90 minute movie, a lot of things regarding the shows lore were simplified. I say that as a neutral statement seeing as a simplification can be either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on your opinion of the source material.

Personally, it left me rather unsatisfied but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start with the good things!

One of the things I really enjoyed was the animation! Seeing miraculous with such a high production value certainly felt like a cool summer breeze. While I do prefer the original character models style wise, it was still just nice to see them in this cutesie pretty style! The locals were gagging!

Ladybug and Cat Noir were especially gorgeous!

I also really enjoyed the singing. I watched the German dub and it was very neat!

Sad to say that was pretty much how long my enjoyment lasted. Everything apart from what I’ve mentioned above was… interestingly handled… to say the least. Let me elaborate.

1. The dialogue was awful!

Truly not the biggest fan of musicals but I couldn’t wait for them to start singing just in order for them to STOP TALKING 😩!

The dialogue was so awkward and stiff. All of the characters were interacting very weirdly with each other. At times it would sound like several lines of dialogue were cut from the final version, as the characters barely acknowledged each other verbally. They didn’t talk with each other, but past each other.

Moreover, every second phrase was a very cheesy one liner. ���Believe in yourself.”, ���Listen to your heart.”, “stronger together”. Super overdone.

The movie wanted to be inspirational so bad, it forgot to be genuine.

Some examples that I recall from memory:

“Mom, I don’t have any friends and I’m scared to go I school.”

“Just believe in yourself, Marinette.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Or.

“Tikki, I’m in love with Adrien.”

“Listen to your heart, Marinette.”

“My heart……Adrien.”

2. How did they manage to make Ladynoir banter … weird and uncomfortable to watch?

Don’t let these pretty movie shots fool you because Movie!ladynoir spent their time in a constant roasting competition that they were somehow both losing!

Not once did they manage to establish that flirty and charming atmosphere around them. No, they were draaaagging each other through filth. And maybe it could have been somewhat fun, god knows I love couples that can roast each other. If only the dialogue was better and didn’t reek of “we have no idea how young people interact”.

In a desperate attempt to make jokes, they let Chat call LB a sidekick or watermelon in every. single. scene. To say that it got annoying when the jokes didn’t land the first 10 times they were made is an understatement. No Milady, no Bugginette, no little wink or a kiss on the hand. Only watermelon and sidekick. Them talking in weird cut off phrases. With careless whisper playing in the background.

Don’t get me wrong, there are some beautiful moments. But their beauty can only ever do so much when met with weird pacing, dialogue and characterization. I’ll talk about that last part in a minute.

3. Everything was so on-the-nose.

The characters would constantly say how they feel and what they think aloud. Jeremy didn’t trust us with even an ounce of media literacy. Classic case of always telling, never showing. Not to mention the constant inspirational quoting in a desperate attempt to convey some deep message. Is this a movie script or my moms facebook page? I guess we‘ll never know.

4. Characterization: Marinette

Having Marinette be somewhat scatterbrained but overall still respected by her peers is not inspirational enough! Make her your average teenage outcast and a total loser. Dad, you’re embarrassing me in front of the cool kids!

If you enjoy that kind of characterization that’s okay! Personally, I thought it was very cliche. It just.. didn’t do anything for her as a character. Having her start off at a much „lower” point in life, with almost no support system, only makes her coming of age journey to eventually become a self accepting confident heroine take longer. Seeing as the movie is only 90 minutes, the moment we see her “shine” is when it’s all almost over.

5. Ladybug …?

Did I mention Ladybug doesn’t use her lucky charm? Not. once. No crazy plans to show that she’s smart and creative. Just a pretty girl swinging around.

6. Adrien

I have a bit more to criticize about the characterization of Movie!Adrien.

The longer I think about it, the more it becomes apparent that they really didn’t know how to write Adrien. His personality appears inconsistent, almost like they were trying to fit him in too many roles at once. He is either extremely closed off and mysterious (even towards his friends), a comic relief character, bathing in self pity or just outright cocky. Those hoping to see his politeness and selflessness will be disappointed. This character only is ever shown to be self centered. A perfect example is how he *didn’t do anything* to be called worthy of the Black Cat Miraculous. He was just one of the „chosen ones“. When the Adrien from the series sacrificed his own freedom to help Master Fu.

Another example is how this Adrien doesn’t really see anything in Marinette. He called her strange in their first interaction and never really lost a single thought on her throughout the rest of the series. No common praises, no support, just awkwardness and not the wholesome kind. In fact, I would argue Marinette and Adrien aren’t even friends in the movie, the only interaction to suggest otherwise was slammed as a 5 second scene in a 2 minute montage.

Even if you were to suggest their bond was formed off screen. We don’t really see it ever take root. He even turned down her gift and invitation to go to the ball with her. Yes, you guessed correctly. It was because he was busy bathing in self pity over being rejected by Ladybug. Yikes.

To sum it up, this Adrien really doesn’t care about anyone but himself. Ever. They massacred my boy.

7. Chat Noir

His charming smugness as Chat Noir crossed the fine line that turned to arrogance.

Considering how Adrien was characterized, that comes as no surprise.

As mentioned in my criticism towards the dialogue and the Ladynoir dynamic, this Cat is often seen discrediting LB with unfunny jokes. The moment you see him actually appreciate Ladybug, open up to her and Woo her, it’s all overshadowed by his entitlement to her affection.

Some may argue that we see traces of such attitude in the show as well. However, in a series, Chat Noir has many redeeming qualities as well as time to grow, change and move past these flaws. And boy, move past these flaws he did. In the movie, it’s all you get. Take it or leave it.

In one scene, he even lets her think he was hurt by an Akuma in order to catch her worrying about him. It was just a short scene and most people would look past it, but I think it’s these small details that really show how these movie characters tick in comparison to the series.

8. Akumas/Hawkmoth

Just a small detail that kind of ended up taking away the enjoyment of all action scenes is how the Akumas in the movie do not have a motive. There’s just some random people that you don’t care about before their akumatization and that you won’t care about after.

Hawkmoth doesn’t make a deal with them, ask for ladybug and chat noirs miraculous in exchange for his powers, none of that.

He just makes them evil and they do evil things for shits and giggles. The movies premise doesn’t even suggest he needs the miraculous. He just needs to get close enough to Ladybug and Chat Noir to steal Tikki and Plagg.

9. The Ending

I just wanted to dip into that ending real quick. In the movie, Gabriel is redeemed when he finds out about Chat Noir being Adrien. He apologizes to him and they make up. The scene surely will make people emotional, but from my perspective it was all rather predictable.

Whether or not Gabe was worthy of a redemption in the movie is a topic to discuss on its own. Personally, I was okay with it.

What I found more interesting however was…

10. The reveal

This is the moment most people have been waiting and yearning for. And I may sound a bit smug when I say that the movie served a good purpose to show us that a fast reveal would have never ever been satisfying!

It was super underwhelming because - of course it was!

Marinette and Adrien barely had a connection! For all we know they could have been total strangers and their reaction to each other’s identity wouldn’t have been any different than what we saw in the movie.

We never saw Marichat or Ladrien interact either. So that certainly lead to a less explored dynamics. Cue unsatisfying reveal.

They really tried to make it this big emotional final moment, but really? We just saw Ladybug and Chat Noir lean in for a kiss without their masks. Like in a new fit. Nothing really groundbreaking came out of it.

Any fake reveal in the show was better than that and I mean it with every fiber of my being.

And don’t even get me started on how Adrien only ever noticed Marinette when she revealed to be Ladybug. It’s just not it.

Final thoughts.

There’s sooo many more things that I could elaborate on but I think for now I’ve said enough to support my rather poor rating of the movie.

In my opinion, the movie relies too much on people enjoying the source material while trying to be its own thing. It risks leaving everyone unsatisfied.

Those who watch the movie as a stand-alone are met with weird dialogue as well as plot, characters and dynamics that aren’t at all fleshed out.

Meanwhile those who watch the movie because they like the show will be inevitably comparing the movie to its far superior source material.

[badkitty3000]

I had to make a new post for the remaining chapters because it was getting too long to add them to the original. If you'd like to read chapters 1-6, here is the link.

☕Love In The Time Of Cholera And Coffee ☕

Part Two: Chapters 7-9

Five x Female Reader, Klaus x Female Reader

You and Klaus are in a casual relationship. No ties, just sex. When you start spending a lot of time at his apartment, you somehow manage to break through his brother's prickly outer shell. He seems to like you, or at least tolerate you the best that Five can. When you start to realize that maybe there is more than just mutual friendship between the two of you, it opens up a lot of feelings and unanswered questions. And a lot of problems.

This story contains sexually explicit material! (But also lots of humor and fluff)

Chapter Seven: Be My Baby

The morning rush is typical for a Saturday. Lots of parents on their way to soccer tournaments, and elderly couples that wake up early, starting their day when the sun rises. You don’t need to be there, necessarily. Your team can handle it. But you like it. You like the early morning sunrise and the smell of the first pot of coffee brewing. The smiles of the hopeful people as they start their days. The morning is perfect. It gives everyone the chance to start fresh.

As you’re surveying the pastries and taking note of inventory, the bell over the door rings. You don’t even look up as you focus on the spreadsheet on your tablet. The customer, however, is not the usual. You recognize the silhouette of the person walking towards you. How could you not? It’s been 6 months, but you’ll never forget it.

“Hey there,” he says, as he nears the counter.

He’s just as you remember him and he addresses you as if no time has passed.

“Hi, Klaus,” you respond with a timid smile, looking up from your tablet.

Klaus removes his sunglasses that had been perched on his nose, and he looks around, taking it all in. He smiles that smile that usually means he’s up to something.

“Wow, so this place is hopping!” he says as he leans against the counter.

He’s wearing a pair of way too-tight white jeans, and a tank top that says “Slut” across the chest. His signature dog tags hang down over the lettering and jingle when he moves. 

“Yeah, we’re doing alright. Our profits are actually up since I bought it,” you respond with pride.

You haven’t seen Klaus since that day he and Five had their blow-out fight over you. Well, technically you haven’t seen him since the night before the blow-out. You had figured you’d never see either one of them again. Yet, here he was.

“Is that right? Well, mazel tov,” he answers with a genuine smile.

“Can I get you something?” you ask.

“I’ll take a green tea if you don’t mind,” Klaus says.

He doesn’t sound angry like you assumed he would be. Like he should be, honestly.

You nod at the barista who is working today and he busies himself with making Klaus’s drink. In the meantime, there is no one else in line, so you and he are stuck staring at each other. Klaus speaks first.

“So, it’s been a while. How are you?” he asks, a suspicious-looking smile on his face.

“I’m fine, thank you. And you?”

Klaus shrugs his shoulders and looks around again. “Oh, you know. I’m always here and there, doing something.”

You smile. “Same old Klaus. Like a feral tom cat just prowling the town.”

He winks back at you with a grin. “Meow.”

The barista hands him his tea and he reaches into his back pocket for his wallet to pay, but you hold out a hand.

“Don’t be silly. It’s on the house.”

Klaus raises his eyebrows, then lifts his cup up in a toasting gesture. “Thank you!”

You shrug. “It’s the least I can do. The very least.”

He nods thoughtfully and takes a sip, looking around the shop again. “Do you have a minute? You know, to talk?”

You swallow nervously and chew at your bottom lip. He doesn’t seem upset, but what does he want to talk to you about? It can’t be anything good. But you nod and come around the counter. You gesture to an empty table near the back, away from listening employees, and you both make your way over. Once you and Klaus are situated, sitting across from one another, you wait with hands folded in front of you.

“So…you’re probably wondering why I came here, aren’t you?” he asks, still with that same Klaus smile on his face.

You nod. “A little, yeah. I know we have good tea here but given the circumstances…” You look down at your hands and start picking at a cuticle. “I really never thought I’d be seeing you again.”

Klaus leans back and drapes an arm lazily over the back of the chair. “Yeah, well��I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. And maybe a little bit of therapy.” He rolls his eyes. “Anyway, I’ve been trying to be a better person and see the error of my ways, and all that shit. And I have come to the conclusion that I owe you an apology.”

The surprise on your face must be evident because Klaus gives a little laugh and shakes his head. “I know that’s not what you were expecting. But, it’s true. I owe you an apology and I’m sorry.”

“For…for what? I’m the one—”

He cuts you off with an airy wave of his hand. “Listen. I was selfish and I should have appreciated you more. I know we weren’t going to end up getting married or anything, but I could have made more of an effort. Like when you were sick…that was shitty of me and I’m sorry. If I had treated you just a little better, then maybe…”

You groan and drop your forehead onto your hands as they rest on the table. “Klaus, I appreciate the apology, but you had nothing to do with that. That was me and I’m the one that needs to apologize, not you. I’m the one that fucked everything up between you two.”

Klaus is quiet and you glance up at him. He has a tiny smile on his face again. “Ok, so we both had a hand in it. And I accept your apology. But you didn’t fuck everything up. I mean, you’re not that amazing,” he says with a smirk before taking another sip of his tea.

You lift your head. “What do you mean? You guys aren’t…”

Klaus shakes his head and gives another dismissive wave. “Nah, we’re good. He did move out, though. But that might have been more about me leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor than anything else.”

You chuckle a little and lean back in your chair, starting to relax somewhat. “Huh. Well, good. I’m glad to hear that.”

Klaus is looking at you with one eyebrow raised, his mouth turned up at the corner.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask.

Klaus shrugs his shoulders, trying to look innocent. Then he reaches into the pocket of his pants and pulls out a small, folded piece of paper. He slides it across the table to you. You pick it up with a look of confusion. When you unfold it, you see there is an address scrawled on it in Klaus’s messy handwriting.

“What is this?”

He gives another shrug. “I think maybe you two need to talk.”

Your eyes widen and you glance back down at the paper. “Wait…this is his address?”

Klaus nods, but then he’s starting to stand up, apparently ready to leave. “If you don’t want it, throw it out. But I figured I owed you that much.” He puts his sunglasses back on and looks down at you. “You do know he’s in love with you, right?”

Your shocked expression makes him laugh and he leans down to give you a quick peck on the cheek.

“Thanks for the tea. Maybe I’ll see you around. You know, at family gatherings or something?”

Then Klaus is walking out the door, leaving you stunned and staring down at the piece of paper in your hands, your brain whirring.

A week goes by and you try not to think about it. But it’s kind of hard when you carry that paper around with you in your pocket every day. The address isn’t far from your store. Just a few blocks, actually. Which makes you realize that he has probably been avoiding you and the shop like the plague. Or has he been quickly walking by, taking a glance through the windows to see if you’re there? Maybe blinking away before you can raise your head and see him. Doubtful. Despite what Klaus told you, you have every reason to believe he has no desire to see you again.

Every time you think that maybe you should walk over there, to that address you have memorized now, you change your mind. Maybe it would be different if you still didn’t have a clear image of him in your head from the last time you saw him. That blank, uncaring look on his face. Those cold words he said to you. That’s what stops you each time.

But then at night, when you’re home alone and in bed trying in vain to sleep, different images come to mind. Memories of his face and his smile, and the way he would begrudgingly laugh at something funny you said. And of his body on yours, the heat of his skin, and his urgent kisses. You remember every word he said to you in the dark that night. And you just can’t believe he didn’t mean them. Not when he was pleading with you to be his.

The crazy thing was that you had already given yourself over to him. You wanted to be his. And you had thought that night was going to be just one of many you would spend together. Maybe it would have been awkward at first, with Klaus; but you were willing to try and work past that. Because that’s how much you wanted to be with him.

What an idiot you had been. On your way out of work one night, you throw the paper with the address into the trash can and walk away.

It has been two weeks since Klaus came by and even though you still can’t stop thinking about what he told you, you aren’t taking the bait. You’re better off without him or any of that mess. He’s better off without you, too.

The café is quiet, with only a few lights left on. It’s been closed for an hour now, all cleaned and the food stored away for the night. Your staff has gone home and it’s just you there. You’re finishing up some financial documents on your laptop at a table, a mix of some soft rock tunes playing on the speakers overhead. You’re humming along to a Whitney Houston song when you hear a knock on the glass door. When you look up, you take a sharp breath in and accidentally knock over the glass of water you had sitting next to you.

It's Five. He’s standing there, right outside the door, and he’s already spotted you, so you can’t exactly hide. Plus, now you’re jumping up and trying to mop up the spilled water with a few flimsy napkins and swearing to yourself out loud.

“Shit shit shit,” you mumble.

When you look up again, you can see Five watching the whole thing go down and he’s got that smirk on his face. The one you hate but also can’t stop thinking about. You huff, rolling your eyes, and motion for him to come in. The door is locked for the night, of course, but that doesn’t matter. He blinks in right away, reappearing a few feet away from you, hands in his pants pockets.

“Hi,” he says with a smile.

You pause, taking him in for a moment. Damn it, why is he so good-looking? With his stupid dark hair falling onto his forehead and his annoyingly perfect body and ridiculously chiseled jawline. And that goddamn sexy, smart-ass expression on his face. Fuck.

“What are you doing here?” you say, trying to appear like you couldn’t possibly care less that he’s standing right in front of you.

He shrugs. “Just walking by. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d see if you were still here.”

After throwing the soggy napkins into the trash behind the counter, you come around again and lean against it, your arms crossed.

“Just walking by, huh?”

Five at least has the decency to look a little embarrassed as he glances at the floor and clears his throat.

“Yeah, well…something like that,” he mumbles.

“Why are you here, Five?”

You’re determined not to let him see the uncertainty in you and you raise your chin and square your shoulders to try and appear more confident. Inside, a million butterflies have taken residence in your stomach.

He rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, so…Klaus told me he came by the other day.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Yes, he did. And?”

“He told me he talked to you and gave you my address.”

You make a circular motion with your hand to get him to hurry this little story along.

“Anyway, he said he gave it to you and I thought maybe…” he trails off and looks down at the floor again.

“Ohhh…you thought maybe I’d come crawling back to you? Run right on over and jump into your arms? Tell you all is forgiven. Is that what you thought?”

“No!” he snaps, and then his voice softens again. “No. I just thought…” He throws his hands in the air in frustration. “Fuck! I don’t know what I thought! This is stupid, I don’t know why I came here.”

He turns around to leave, but you call out so that he stops in his tracks. “I almost did!” He turns to you and you blush a little. “I came really close to going over there. I had a whole speech prepared and everything. It was good, too. I was really going to let you have it.” You give a short laugh.

“Why didn’t you?” he asks.

“Because I was afraid that what Klaus told me wasn’t true,” you admit.

“What did Klaus tell you?”

You’re not really sure you want to get into all of that quite yet, so you change the subject back to him.

“Really, why are you here, Five? It’s been six months, so why now?”

“I just…” he takes a deep breath. “I just wanted to see you again. And to say I’m sorry.”

Your eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Then they crease together again. “And which thing or things are you sorry for?”

Five sighs and takes a few steps toward you, but stops short of coming too close. He seems to gain a little more confidence and he looks you in the eyes.

“I’m sorry for everything. For putting you in that situation. And for saying what I did. I know I was a jerk and you didn’t deserve that.”

You look up and blink a few times to try and keep your emotions in check. Then you look back at him.

“Jerk doesn’t even begin to cover it. You hurt me, Five. Really hurt me. Do you realize that?”

He swallows hard and nods. “I know.”

“Why? Why did you do that? I don’t understand. I was ready to…” Your voice cracks and you don’t finish your sentence.

“After the fight with Klaus, I just felt so awful and ashamed, so I panicked and took it out on you. Which was a really shitty thing to do, and I’m so sorry. I also understand if you never want to see or talk to me again, but I thought I’d take a chance by coming here. I at least wanted to let you know.”

You nod slowly. “Yeah, ok, so you’re sorry. Is there anything else you’d like to confess?”

“What do you mean?”

You shift your weight to your other foot and cross and uncross your arms. “Did you even mean those things you said that night?”

He pauses for a minute and you see him swallow hard. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “I meant them.”

“Klaus said you’re in love with me,” you blurt out, and you watch as his eyes get wide and his face flushes.

He clenches his teeth together. “Fucking Klaus,” he mutters under his breath.

“So?” you challenge. “Is he right?”

He is visibly uncomfortable and his hands are in his pockets again as he looks at the floor. Then he gathers some courage and he looks up.

“He’s right,” he says. “I am in love with you. I have been for a long time.”

You sigh and put your hands on your hips and look up at the ceiling, then back at him again. “Damn it, Five!”

“What?”

“You know, just because you say that does not mean all is forgiven, or that I’m automatically in love with you too, even though I am, although why I have no fucking idea. I really cannot believe the nerve of you showing up here after all this time. You are still the biggest asshole I have ever met and I’m not even sure I want anything to do with you anymore—"

Your rant is cut short when Five closes the few feet between you in a short spatial jump, making you yelp sharply when he suddenly grabs you around the waist and pulls you into him.

“Let go of me!” you say in protest.

“What did you say?” he asks, that arrogant look on his face as his mouth turns up on one side.

You squirm, trying to get out of his grasp but it’s not very convincing, and it’s also making your body rub up against his, which is not helping matters. His hold on you is strong, though, and he doesn’t let up. He’s looking you right in the eyes and you can’t seem to look away.

“I said you’re a giant asshole,” you say, your voice much weaker all of a sudden.

“You said you’re in love with me.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did,” he says with a smirk, right before he jerks your body closer to him, his arm wrapped around your middle and his hand resting on the small of your back.

His eyes travel over your face and you look at his lips and suddenly you can’t think straight anymore. You nod your head slowly.

“Yeah, maybe I did,” you confess in a whisper, right before he kisses you.

His kiss is soft and slow, and he brings his hand up to the side of your face. All of those feelings that you had pushed down come rushing back to you with that touch. You kiss him back, savoring the feel of his soft lips and the way his body feels next to yours.

He smiles against your mouth, even as he continues kissing you, and you drape your arms over his shoulders. When you pull away, he keeps his hand on your cheek.

“I’m sorry it took me this long to get my shit together,” he tells you with a breathy laugh. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you tell him with a smile, but when he goes in for another kiss, you pull back and place a hand on his chest. “Whoa there, buddy, not so fast.”

He scrunches his eyebrows together and it takes a lot of resolve for you not to kiss him right now because his pouty man face is so cute.

“What’s the matter?” he asks.

“Ok, so you said you’re sorry, but I’m going to need a little more than that.”

“More?”

“Yes. You can’t possibly think waltzing in here and simply saying you’re sorry and you love me is enough, can you?”

“So, what do you want? You want me to fall on my knees and grovel?”

You place a finger on your lips in thought. “Hmm…that does sound nice, but something tells me you’d actually like that. No, let me think…” When you hear the music that has been playing on the store speakers, your face lights up. “I got it!”

“I’m afraid to ask, but ok, what is it?”

“Sing.”

“Excuse me?”

You step out of his arms and lean back against the counter again. “I want you to sing the next song that comes on. No matter what it is. And I want it done with feeling. To me.”

Five’s face is hilarious because he looks like you just kicked him in the nuts. “Are you fucking serious? You want me to sing to you?”

You nod. “Yep.”

He stares in stunned silence for a minute before he crosses his arms and tilts his head. “You know I took a punch in the face for you.”

You shrug. “Sorry to hear that, but that’s not really relevant at the moment. Plus, I wasn’t there to witness or enjoy it, so it doesn’t count. No, I want you to sing, and if you half-ass it you will have to start over. I want to see some professional, Frank Sinatra-level, Elvis in Las Vegas-style crooning. And I want it right now.”

Five glances up and notices the security camera mounted in the corner behind you and runs a hand down his face. “Shit. And this is the only way you’re going to forgive me and stop torturing me by standing there looking cute but not letting me touch you?”

“Pretty much, yes.”

“And there’s no way I can talk my way out of this and get you to kiss me again? Because I really want to kiss you again.”

“Nope. You say you love me. Prove it.”

He sighs heavily. “Alright then.”

“Alright, what?”

“I guess I’m fucking singing.”

You smile widely and at just that precise moment, the song that had been playing fades out and another one starts up. You start laughing when you hear “Be My Baby” by the Ronettes. It’s such a cheesy, girly pop song, and it’s perfect.

“Don’t forget…with feeling,” you remind him as you perch yourself on the countertop and wait expectedly for him to start.

With another sigh and a sarcastic smile in your direction, Five reluctantly starts singing.

The night we met I knew I needed you so

And if I had the chance I’d never let you go

It’s bad and off-key and he’s stumbling over some of the words. He can’t decide if he wants to sing it in the high, women’s register or lower his voice, so his voice keeps cracking. But he’s putting the effort in, like you requested.

So won't you say you love me?

I’ll make you so proud of me

We’ll make ‘em turn their heads, every place we go

He’s starting to get into it a little, adding awkward dancing and elaborate hand choreography.

So won’t you please

Be my little baby

Say you’ll be my darling

It’s maybe the cutest thing you’ve ever seen and when you start giggling, that’s when he really kicks it into gear. He grabs a plastic knife from the counter and uses it as a microphone to up his performance.

Be my baby now…whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

He is singing his heart out directly to you, as dramatically as he can. He is also trying not to laugh while you are barely holding it together as you watch his horribly wonderful performance that he is putting on just because you asked him to. The dramatic emoting and facial expressions are too much, so you cover your eyes with your hands and peek through two fingers to watch him.

I’ll make you happy, baby,

Just wait and see

For every kiss you give me

I’ll give you three

For this, he grabs your hand and kisses it dramatically as you toss your head back and laugh at him. You have never seen him act this stupid and silly, and it’s making you love him that much more because you know he’d never do this for anyone else. When the interlude comes on, Five tosses his knife microphone over his shoulder without taking his eyes off you and takes your hand again, pulling you into him. He holds you to him as he dances slowly with you and when the lyrics start up again, he finishes out the song by belting it out as loudly and as off-key as possible while you alternate between laughing and visibly cringing.

So won’t you please

Be my little baby

Say you’ll be my darlin’

Be my baby now

Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

As the song winds down and fades away, he stops dancing, but he’s still holding you close to him. He stands there with a wicked grin, waiting for you to say something.

“That’s all on video, you know. So I can blackmail you whenever you act up,” you say with a smile.

“Do you believe that I am willing to do anything for you, including humiliating myself? Did I sufficiently prove my love to you?”

“Well, I reserve the right to demand further proof at future times, but for right now, yes. That was sufficient.”

He doesn’t wait any longer before he’s back to kissing you, and this time you don’t try to stop him. When he holds you tight to his chest, his arms wrapped around you and his hand winding into your hair, you feel happier than you have in months. You probably shouldn’t have taken him back so willingly, despite his apologies and musical performance. But you can’t help yourself. You want him like you’ve never wanted anyone in your life, and the fact that he came back here for you has immediately melted any stoniness you had in your heart for him.

It’s quickly obvious that a few kisses are not going to be enough and you are both breathing hard as you try to pull each other even closer. Five pushes you up against the counter, boosting you up so you’re sitting on top and he is standing between your legs, his hands gripping into your thighs and pulling them forward to wrap around his waist. After a few seconds, you place a hand on his chest again.

“Hang on, we can’t do this,” you say, your chest heaving.

Five frowns. “I’m sorry, am I moving too fast?”

“No, I mean we can’t do this here . This is a major health code violation and if someone sees I’ll be in deep shit.”

Five laughs. “Well, I wasn’t planning on jizzing into the espresso machine, but I guess I see your point. We can stop.”

“No, I don’t want to stop ! Can’t we go to your place? It’s just a few blocks over.”

Five raises his eyebrows in surprise and chuckles. “I thought you didn’t care where I lived.”

You blush. “Well…I may have thrown your address out but that doesn’t mean I didn’t memorize it or map out how to get there from here.”

“Stalker!”

“Shut up,” you tell him, even as you’re smiling. “I know you’re loving this, you bastard.”

He shakes his head. “You think I’m loving the fact that the girl I’m head over heels in love with has secretly been obsessed with me and stalking me like a total creep?”

“I wasn’t stalking you! Jesus Christ, Five…are we going back to your place or not?”

He laughs again and you find yourself laughing right along with him. “Come on, psycho, let’s go.” He holds out a hand for you and you hop down off the counter. “It’s a nine-minute walk. Three if you let me blink you part of the way there.”

“You know exactly down to the minute? Who’s the stalker now?”

“Alright, I confess. I may have walked past here a couple of times.”

“Only a couple?” you ask with a smile.

He rolls his eyes. “I think I already regret coming here.”

You give him a quick kiss and then pull him by his hand towards the door. “No, you don’t. Because, in a few minutes, I’m going to rock your world, baby.”

He gives a frustrated groan. “You’re definitely letting me blink you there, now. I can’t wait a full nine minutes.”

Chapter Eight: Slow Hand

When we arrive at my apartment (5 minutes later, after one blink and a quick make-out session on the street), we step inside and she takes a look around. It’s not much different than the one I shared with Klaus, just a little smaller. The furniture is nice but simple, and everything is clean. There’s nothing fancy about it, but it’s comfortable and cozy. She notices a folded-up newspaper on one of the tables, turned to a half-completed crossword puzzle.

She smiles and points at it. “Such an old man thing to have.” She glances around. “Where’s the bowl of butterscotch candies? Or the plastic furniture covers?”

I am watching her as she starts walking around the living room, but then I suddenly blink over and grab her from behind. My arms are around her middle, holding her close to me while my mouth makes its way to her neck. After her initial shock wears off, she melts into me and tips her head back onto my shoulder.

“I might be an old man, darling, but my body and my hormones are 21 and you are driving them fucking crazy right now.”

She inhales sharply and exhales a soft laugh as I caress her stomach and hips with my hands, letting my mouth trail over her neck.

“Good thing for you, I happen to have a thing for older men in hot, young bodies,” she says. She turns around to face me, my arms still around her, and she gives me a smile before kissing me.

“Lucky me,” I reply.

Before I can say anything else, she pushes me backward until my legs hit the back of the couch. She gives me a shove with a hand on my chest, making me sit down, and she immediately climbs onto my lap, straddling me. Just that move right there has me hard already and I grab her face with both hands, kissing her deeply while she pushes herself over my crotch.

“Can I ask you something?” she breathes out while my mouth returns to her neck.

“Hmmm,” I respond in between kisses.

“Have you been with anyone else since me?”

I stop and I just can’t help but tease her a little with an inside joke about the book we read together. I flash her a devious smile. “622. Give or take.”

She laughs and whacks me on the chest. “Yeah, right. You wish.”

I shake my head. “No, sweetheart. There’s been only you on my mind.” Then I trace my thumb across her bottom lip and look her in the eyes. “But it’s ok if you have.”

She kisses me again, running a hand through my hair. “I went on one date, that’s it.”

Despite what I just told her about it being ok, my body immediately tenses up when she says that and I know she can tell. I start to relax a little when she places her own kisses onto the side of my neck. I let out a long breath before I ask more questions, even though I don’t really want to hear about it.

“Just one?”

She nods, continuing her kisses. “Yes. Just one.”

“And how did this date end?” I ask, trying to play it cool, although I doubt it’s very convincing.

She runs her tongue under the curve of my jaw before giving it a small bite. I grab her hips in return.

“It ended with a very steamy good night hug.”

I let out a hum of approval, leaning my head back while she draws her lips over my Adam’s apple.

“Why nothing more?”

She pauses and waits until I’m looking at her again. “Because he wasn’t you,” she tells me. I think maybe she is teasing me, but the look on her face is completely serious.

“I like that answer.”

I put my hand on the back of her neck as I try to pull her in for another kiss, but she resists and pulls backward. I’m momentarily confused until I see her very devilish face as she slowly slides off my lap and onto the floor, kneeling in front of me with her hands on my thighs. She looks up at me, biting her lower lip and it’s a goddamn miracle I haven’t come in my pants yet. I let out a little whimper just from the sight of her.

“You know, you kicked me out before I had a chance to repay you for that amazing tongue action you gave me that night,” she tells me.

“That was pretty fucking stupid of me,” I joke, although I’m clearly breathing harder and I have to shift in my seat.

She smiles and leans forward, letting her mouth graze over the crotch of my pants where the hard swelling of my erection is impossible to miss. When I feel her warm breath seeping through the fabric, I suck in a loud breath and push my hips up.

“Fuck,” I whisper.

As she starts unbuckling my belt and opening my pants, she looks back up. “You don’t have to,” I tell her quietly.

She gives me a small smile but starts to pull at my pants until I help her out by lifting my hips up slightly. When she takes my straining cock in her hand, I make another groaning noise and swear under my breath.

“Let me give this to you,” she says softly.

She is licking and sucking up and down my shaft and circling her tongue over the head, and I’ve never experienced anything like this before. I may have had a few sexual experiences before her, but none of them involved anything sensual like this.

“You taste so good,” she moans before her lips pass over my entire length again and I have to close my eyes.

I move a hand to her head and she makes a little whining noise that I take to mean she’s ok with me doing that. Which is very good, because I am having one hell of a time controlling myself right now. I flex my fingers and pull her hair at the same time I just slightly push her head down. I want to fuck her face so badly right now, but I know if that happens, I’m going to be done in about three seconds and I’d really like to wait just a little longer before I embarrass myself again this evening.

“Oh fuck, honey, that feels so good and I really don’t want you to stop, but…shit…I’m not going to be able to hold out much longer if you keep doing that.”

She doesn’t laugh, or argue, and she looks pretty proud of herself as she removes her mouth from me and looks up. My chest is heaving and I lick my lips.

“Get up here,” I say with enough authority that she knows I’m not messing around.

It must have worked because she’s standing up in a second and stripping off her clothes until she is fully naked in front of me.

“God fucking damn it, you’re gorgeous,” I groan, reaching out a hand for her.

Rather than climb directly onto my lap again, she shakes her head and leans down to unbutton my shirt and drag it down my arms. I love the way her warm hands feel on me as she quickly undresses me. She yanks my pants the rest of the way down my legs and off until I’m completely naked, too. She stops for a minute and looks me over. My mind drifts back to the time she caught me in the shower, jerking off while thinking of her. Luckily now, I get to do a lot more than just imagine things.

This time when I pull her by the hand, she immediately relents, straddling my lap once more. I dive onto her mouth to kiss her hard while I grab her hips tightly. She whines quietly as she automatically starts rubbing her soaking wet slit over my cock. It feels amazing, but I need to be inside of her again; I can’t wait any longer. With one lift of her hips and some maneuvering with my hand, she sinks down onto my shaft, letting me fill her up entirely.

“Oh…oh my god!” she cries out.

We stay like that for a minute, neither one of us moving yet, and I bring my hand up to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me.

“I’ve missed you so much…” I murmur into her shoulder and I hear her sigh happily.

When she starts to move, slowly, over my dick, my grip on her tightens and I thrust up to match her rhythm. I can’t stop looking her deep in the eyes, so when she tries to look away, I gently guide her face towards me again. My hands travel down her sides and back up again, around to her ass, and then over her thighs. I want to touch every part of her and I can’t believe how long I’ve gone without feeling her. I love how it feels with her slowly fucking me, but I can’t stop the urge to have her pounding away on top of me.

“Ride me harder, sweetheart,” I tell her with a groan as I jerk her body forward.

She does exactly what I say and starts moving hard and fast on top of me, her hands holding onto my shoulders and her forehead pressed to mine.

“I love you, Five. I need you and I love you,” she tells me, and she sounds so desperate.

I’ve never been so happy to hear something in my whole life and it’s almost painful to feel the amount of love that is flowing through me right now. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry for everything. I love you so much.”

It’s hard to focus on everything all at once. I want to keep kissing her and tell her so many things. I want to feel her body pressed against mine, her hands all over me, and her harsh breathing on my skin. The desperate noises we are making are getting louder and higher pitched, and underneath all of that, I can hear the wet slapping noises between the two of us as her cunt passes over my dick. She is fucking me as hard as she can, but it’s not enough; I want more.

I don’t say anything or ask if it’s ok before I lift her off by her hips, pulling out and throwing her next to me so that she’s lying on her back. She’s sprawled out, whining at the loss of my body against hers. That doesn’t last long though, because I’m back on top of her in a second, thrusting inside of her again while I hold myself over her.

“I do love you, but fuck , I want to destroy this body of yours right now,” I warn between clenched teeth.

“I’m all yours,” she moans, throwing her head back as I slam into her.

I am rough and relentless, and even though I’m fucking her to the point I’m sure it’s almost painful, she is screaming for more. She is gasping for air and whimpering with each forceful drive of my cock inside of her. I’m starting to sweat and my hair is hanging in my face, but I keep my eyes trained on her. I’m hoping to god she’s getting close because I know I am and this is one race I do not want to win.

“Five…Five, oh my god yes!”

Hearing that is too much, though, and suddenly I’m violently coming inside of her. “Ah, fff-fuck!”

She is falling apart, clutching at my shoulders and writhing beneath me, her body spasming with pleasure as she lets out a sobbing cry that is filled with emotions. My manic thrusting stops as I stiffen against her, my hips twitching as I fill her up with a surge of cum. My moans are loud and long as I hold myself over her, finally lowering myself down enough to kiss her through panting breaths.

As my body relaxes, she pulls me onto her so I can press my face into the crook of her neck, my chest flush with hers. We trade soft kisses back and forth as we both try to catch our breath. She smiles at me and pushes my hair off my damp forehead, trailing her fingers down the side of my neck and over my shoulder. I could stay like this forever.

“Shit, that was amazing. I want you like that every day,” she tells me. “Although, maybe you have lots of important things to do this evening? Should I leave?”

I let out a long sigh. “Is this going to be a thing? You’re just going to make me pay for my stupid behavior again and again?”

She shrugs and gives me that impossibly cute smart-ass look of hers. “Probably.”

I return it by giving her a small bite to the side of her neck and I chuckle when she yelps. I hold myself over her so I can look down on her, one eyebrow raised. “I suppose that’s fair. But you are the only important thing I have to do this evening and you are never leaving again.”

“Oh, so now you’re holding me captive?”

“I’m afraid so,” I tell her sadly.

She laughs and pulls me down to kiss me again. “You’re so cute when you’re all soft and sweet like this.”

“I think we’ve been over this,” I say with a frown. “I am not cute. I am an angry, smoldering, sex god.”

Running a hand over my back and down, she grabs my ass and gives it a squeeze. “Yes, you are. And you are my smoldering sex god.”

I don’t know about the sex god part of it, but I know I am undeniably hers from now on. I smile. “Yes, I am.”

After another quick kiss, I help her up off the couch and she heads to the bathroom to get cleaned up. I still can’t believe this is real and I just stand there like a big, naked dope smiling to myself because I’m so happy right now.

When she comes back out, I’m still there waiting for her and I watch as she bends down to pick up her underwear that was discarded on the floor. I startle her when I grab them from out of her hands and tilt her face up with a hand on her chin.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I ask with a smirk.

She blinks up at me and sticks her bottom lip out. “I thought I was getting dressed.”

Without taking my eyes off her, I hurl the balled-up panties over her shoulder so that they land halfway across the room. “Like hell you are.”

Then, just to be a giant prick, I grab her around the waist and in half a second we are falling out of one of my portals and onto my bed. She lets out a shriek as her back hits the mattress and I laugh evilly when I land next to her. This might be my favorite party trick and it never gets old.

After she gets her wits about her, she sits up with a scowl and punches me in the arm. “Don’t ever do that without giving me a heads-up again! Fuck, that was weird.”

“Sorry, darling. But when you have the ability to teleport a beautiful, naked woman into your bed, it’s nearly impossible not to take advantage of the opportunity.”

She’s probably still trying to get that foggy feeling to leave her brain, but I don’t wait before I kiss her again, deep and hard while I push her back onto the bed. I know she can already feel me getting harder as I lay myself over her.

With a giggle, she pulls back. “Already? Pretty impressive for someone your age.”

I flip a piece of hair out of my eyes and gaze down at her with an expression I’ve been told makes me look like an arrogant asshole. “Sweetheart, if you think for one minute you are getting any kind of break tonight, think again. We have a lot of time to make up for and with that amazing fucking body of yours, I get hard as a rock just looking at you.”

She lets out a little whimper that has me proving my previous statement as I start pressing myself against her thigh. She lays her head back and lets me kiss down her neck and over her chest. Her hands are warm and firm as they travel over my body in response. Everything is perfect and I’m in heaven.

"Five?”

“Yes, love?” I ask, not stopping as I move my mouth to her cleavage, sucking at the skin there while I massage her perfect tits and lightly graze her nipples with my fingertips.

“I want this to be real. And I want it to last.” I stop what I am doing and look up at her. “If you think there’s a chance that tomorrow or next week or even a month from now you are going to change your mind; if there’s any doubt at all…then I can’t do this. So, tell me now if this is just another impulse you are acting on but are going to regret in the morning. Tell me if you’re going to wake up tomorrow and say none of this was real. Because that shit hurt and I don’t want to feel that bad ever again.”

It’s like someone just ripped my heart out of my chest. I look at her face and it’s filled with so much uncertainty and hurt, and it was all caused by me. I want to reassure her that I will never do anything like that again, but I hardly know where to start. My mouth opens partially before closing again. I reposition myself so that I am lying next to her, placing my hand gently on the side of her face, urging her to look at me. I want to look her in the eyes so that she knows I mean it.

“I know I hurt you. I was horrible to you and I understand why you don’t want to trust me right now. I wish you could see inside my head and know how fucking sorry I am. How I wish I could take back everything I said to you that morning. All I can do is beg for your forgiveness and let me try and make it up to you. I meant everything I said. I’ll take care of you. I want to make you happy. And I want you with me not just for tonight, but always. I love you.”

“Ok,” she whispers with a small nod. “I believe you.”

“I’m serious. I can’t promise I will never do anything stupid again or that I will magically stop being an asshole sometimes, but I can promise that I will never deny my feelings for you again.”

She nods again, and then her mouth turns up in a cute little smile. “Never? Even when I’m incredibly annoying and wiping my snotty nose all over your shirtsleeve?”

I make a disgusted face that has her giggling. “You wiped your nose on me?”

“Just once or twice when you weren’t looking.”

I shake my head. “No wonder I ended up with your disease ten days later.”

She smiles and traces my lips with her fingertips. “A deadly disease and a punch in the face? Just for little old me?”

I kiss the tips of her fingers and nod. “And I would do it all over again a million times if it meant you’d end up here. Specifically, right here, underneath me and naked.”

When I start to kiss her again, I feel her body react as she sighs into me, and her hips start slowly rolling upwards. She tries to drag my body on top of hers, but I don’t let her. Instead, I pull away from her mouth to look at her again, my fingers following the curve of her jaw. I have been thinking of something she said while she was talking in her feverish dreams that night, and I’m going to need to try it out.

“I told you I’d take care of you and I meant it.” I give her another kiss. “So, let Daddy take care of you, my love.”

Her reaction is just what I was hoping for as she sucks in a loud breath and bites at her lip, her hips pressing up again. I laugh, kissing her gently while running the back of my hand down her cheek.

“I take it you like that, sweetheart?” I murmur as I move under her chin.

She whines out some sort of response that might resemble a yes, and I smile with approval while my mouth travels back down her neck and onto her collarbone.

“I want to make you feel good.” I go about sucking a dark bruise onto the hollow between her shoulder and neck, making her hiss through clenched teeth. “Tell Daddy what you want, darling.”

“Shit,” she breathes out, at the same time trying desperately to push herself against me, but I’m being mean and not letting her. “I really fucking like it when you say things like that,” she moans.

I’m trailing my lips over the soft skin of her neck. She’s so beautiful and I nuzzle my face into her shoulder, sighing happily. “Do you? Now, how did I know that I wonder?” My hands start roaming all over her body. I continue to speak close to her ear and bite her earlobe. “What else, my love? Tell me. Tell me everything you want.”

With a whine, she closes her eyes and tips her head back. “I want to feel your hands all over me. I dream about your hands.”

Well, that’s new information. But it’s definitely going to work in my favor because if she likes my hands, I love exploring every square inch of her body with them.

I place another deep, sucking kiss that brands a mark onto her neck and she tries to stifle a whimper, but it comes out anyway. One of my hands is already making its way down her side and onto her hip while my other gently pets her hair as I hold myself partially over her with my forearm.

My fingers trace along the curves of her thighs and onto her stomach. I continue watching her face as I map out her body, bit by bit until she is so starved for more, she tries to push my hand between her legs. I’m quicker and stronger, though, and I pull my hand away with a sly grin and a shake of my head. I really am being a bastard right now.

“If you want something, sweetheart, you need to tell me.”

She gives a small groan of frustration, but she meets my eyes as her hips jerk upwards.

“Fuck me with your hand, Daddy.”

Damn, if that isn’t the hottest thing I’ve ever heard and I think about forgetting her request altogether and just slamming my cock into her instead. I resist, though, and I lower my head to bury my face into her shoulder again. “Oh, shit I love hearing that,” I tell her.

I want to give her everything she wants though, so I get back to work, my hand slowly moving across her lower abdomen and then lower still.  I tease by stroking the crease between her thighs and hips and then pull away again. She is getting more and more worked up by my fingers traveling over her body. I decide to crank up the dirtiness level just a little by bringing my hand up to her mouth and pushing my two fingers inside. She immediately grabs my hand by the wrist and starts sucking on them, wetting them all over and slipping her tongue in between. Her eyes fall shut and she moans. I push them in and out a few times, and I like the way she looks when I do that.

“You look so pretty like this, baby,” I tell her before I remove them and she licks at her lips.

I give her another kiss before I’m back to tracing lines over her breasts, leaving a trail of her own saliva over each one. I keep moving down, over her stomach again and around to her hip. It’s slow, but the anticipation makes it all the more erotic when my fingers finally make contact with the satiny area between her legs. The noise she lets out is loud and long and when I slip two digits inside of her tight hole, she cries out; pressing her hips up to try and fuck my fingers.

“Five! Ohhh...god...”

“Don’t close your eyes. Look at me,” I order her, and she obeys.

I want to see her reaction to every little movement and calculated maneuver I perform on her. I also want to hear her. I want her to cry out my name and scream so loud the neighbors will think something is wrong. The crease between her eyes deepens and her mouth falls open as she keeps her eyes on me like I want; all while I am fucking her slowly and deliberately with my hand.

“That’s my sweet girl. Just like that.”

When I curl my fingers inside of her and press my thumb into her clit, she grips the bed covers on either side with her fists and arches her back off the bed.

“Oh, fuck yes!” she screams out.

Watching her like this is turning me on like crazy, and I have to tell myself to keep going. I want to pound my cock inside of her again, to feel her tight cunt around me as I slam mercilessly against it. I keep fingering her, but the thought of everything else I want to do is getting to me and I can’t help rubbing my dick against her leg.

She is so wet that my hand is covered in the slick of her arousal, and it’s dripping down my wrist. I push in deeper and work her clit harder while she writhes around, thrusting her hips up. I’m practically humping her leg now, shoving my cock between her thigh and the bed, and I can’t fucking stop. Any contact with her body against my raging hard-on feels amazing and I want more.

Right before she comes, she grabs my hand and shoves it harder against herself, grinding and bucking against it while the noises she’s making get louder and louder. I feel like my dick is going to explode I’m so worked up right now and just watching her fall apart like this is making it worse.

When she starts to squeeze her eyes shut, I don’t let her. “Look at me,” I demand, and she does.

“Ff-iive!” she moans as she pulses against me, her grip on my wrist tightening.

When she calms down and her hand slackens on mine, I pull my soaking-wet fingers out. She smiles dreamily up at me and lets out a breathy laugh.

“Sorry, I got a little—”

I don’t let her finish what she was going to say, because all I can think about are my own needs at the moment. I want to fuck her so badly, but I know that I’m going to come instantaneously if I shove my dick into her right now. Instead, I take her hips and flip her over while I sit up on my knees behind her, pulling her towards me so that her ass is in the air directly in front of me. I hear her make a little squeal of surprise, but I barely register it.

When I haul back and smack her voluptuous ass cheek with the flat of my hand, leaving a beautiful pink mark on her skin, she cries out louder.

“Be a good girl and stay right there for Daddy,” I growl.

All I can think about is how she is finally mine and no one else can have her. I violently pump my hand over my dick as I stare at the perfectly round ass that belongs to only me. I rub one cheek while I’m still jerking my cock; she is moaning while sprawled out on the bed in front of me, ass in the air. It’s such a depraved scene and what I’m about to do will probably not be appreciated, but I can’t be bothered to care at the moment. After a few more strokes I am unloading all over her, covering her with ropes of my cum. I watch as it pools in the small of her back and drips down in between her crack. More of it lands directly on her ass and is sliding down the backs of her thighs.

I want this image to be burned into my brain, as sick as that sounds. I feel like I just marked her as my own like some sort of territorial animal. Some psychiatrist out there would probably have a field day with me right now, but fuck them. She is mine and here’s the sticky, milky proof all over her.

“Fuck!” I yell as the last few drops spurt out.

I’m breathing loud and hard and it takes me a minute to fully grasp what I just did, which was jerking off all over her ass and back without any warning or permission to do so. I can’t see her face either, because she has it turned to the side and her hair is partially covering it.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” I start to say, but then she pushes her hair away and glances back at me as she lowers her body so she’s flat on the bed again. I start to feel a little better when I see she’s smiling.

“Damn, Daddy, you are one horny, perverted old man!”

“Yeah, that was not my finest moment, was it? I am so sorry,” I say sheepishly.

She laughs. “Don’t be sorry. Anytime you want to take charge like that, you can do whatever you want to me.”

I break into a wide grin. “That’s a good thing, then, because I have many more dirty things in mind that I’d like to do to you.”

“Can’t wait,” she says in that sexy way I love.

She’s still lying there covered in my semen that is rapidly cooling and sticking to her skin. Even if she says she’s ok with me jerking off all over her, it is probably not the greatest feeling in the world, so I tell her to wait there as I blink into the bathroom to get a warm washcloth to clean her off with.

After all that is taken care of, we settle into bed. She feels so good snuggled up next to me, her body warm next to mine, and I breathe in the scent of her strawberry-infused hair that I have been missing so much. I love how soft her skin is and I can’t stop running my hands up and down her arm and hip as I pull her in closer, her back flush with my chest.

We are quiet for a while, just comfortable in the silence until I speak up. There’s so much I want to tell her, and I’m not even sure where to start.

“You know, for years I would dream about this. About having someone to fall asleep with and wake up with.”

“What about Dolores?”

“I loved Dolores with all my heart, and I will always love her. But there were many nights, after she fell asleep, that I would allow myself to think about what it would be like to have someone that could kiss or hug me back. To touch me at all, really. That’s probably why I liked reading all of those romance novels. There wasn’t a lot of physical love in my house growing up, and then there was only Dolores. My two sources for any affection in my life came from my robot mother and my mannequin wife.”

I let out a small laugh at that, but she doesn’t return it. Instead, she just squeezes my hand and pulls my arms tighter around her. She waits for me to keep going.

“So, those books were the only reference I had for real love. And I wanted that for so long. After a while, though, I just stopped thinking about it. Because I knew it was never going to happen. It was all just a made-up fantasy.”

“I’m so sorry, Five,” she says quietly.

“Don’t be. All of that made me into the fully functioning and mentally stable man you know and love today.”

At that, she does laugh. “You are one of a kind, Five, that’s for sure.”

“That’s another thing,” I start as I rub my cheek against her hair. “Are you sure you’re ok with…you know…my situation?”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, by my rusty mental math, I am technically more than double your age.”

She’s silent for a minute and I think maybe she really is re-thinking this whole thing. “I know that. I don’t care.”

“Are you sure? Because it’s not going to get any better, you know. I’m just going to keep getting older and crankier. Pretty soon, I’m going to want to eat dinner at 4 pm and bitch about my expired grocery coupons.”

She giggles. “I don’t think you can get any crankier than you already are, so I don’t have to worry about that. And the rest I can deal with.” She flips over so she’s looking at me. She threads her fingers into my hair at the back of my neck and I close my eyes at her touch. “I love you because of, not in spite of, all of that. I love you for all that you are, Five. Even the cranky, old man parts.”

When she kisses me, it’s the softest, most loving kiss I have ever felt and I want to melt into her. “With you, I get the best of both worlds. Hot young guy with the mature mind and life experiences of an older man. What’s not to love?”

I lean in for another kiss, and when she breaks away from it, she gives me a little smile. “Besides, as long as you keep fucking me like you’ve been, I don’t care if you’re sixty or six hundred years old.”

She throws her leg over my hip and I shake my head with a smile. “Honey, I really don’t think that’s going to be a problem.”

“I can tell,” she says before pushing harder against me and kissing me again.

The next morning, after one of the best sleeps of my life, I wake up to the smell of freshly roasted coffee and a soft kiss on my cheek. When I open my eyes, there’s my girl, standing over me and setting a tray down on the table next to the bed. I barely notice the coffee cups with their fragrant steam drifting out of the tops, because I can’t take my eyes off of her. I must be having one hell of a dream right now because she’s wearing one of my t-shirts with nothing else on except a pair of cotton panties adorned with little pink cats. When I smile blearily up at her, still in the process of fully waking, she laughs at me.

“What?” I ask, as I try and haul myself up to a sitting position.

“Your hair. It’s sticking up everywhere. You look like you stuck your finger in a light socket.”

I frown and pat my hand on top of my head, feeling the rat’s nest that’s there. “Give me a break, ok? I just had a pretty wild night. Some crazy woman kept trying to maul me all night long.”

She presses her lips together in an effort not to laugh. “Well, I can hardly blame her. Have you seen yourself with no clothes on? Kind of ridiculous to expect to be left alone.”

“Come here, crazy,” I say as I reach out and yank her towards me by her hand.

She lands sideways on my lap and I kiss her while she attempts to smooth my hair into place. “I brought you some coffee,” she tells me after I let her up for air.

“Thank you, love. Although that hardly seems fair that you’re serving me coffee. Don’t you have to work today?”

She shakes her head. “I was supposed to, but I asked my boss and she said I should stay here today, instead.”

I reach for one of the mugs of coffee and hand it to her before taking my own. “Your boss sounds very smart.” When she giggles at that, I run a hand over her bare thigh and give it a squeeze. “Especially since you’re wearing these little cat panties I love so much. I was hoping I’d get to see these again.

She makes a little face over her coffee mug. “What do you mean, again?”

I take a drink from my own mug and give her a crooked smile. “You already gave me a nice little show in them before. Although I definitely prefer you wearing my shirt over them instead of my brother’s.”

“What…wait…you remember that? You were wasted drunk!”

I roll my eyes at her. “No amount of alcohol would let me forget you standing half-naked in my doorway trying to look mad but not really succeeding.”

She scoffs at me. “I was mad! You were being obnoxious!”

“Right. And you weren’t being obnoxious when you decided to put on that little vocally-driven performance right afterward?”

That makes her break and laugh, and she leans in to give me a kiss. “You know why I did that, right?”

“To torture me until I considered stabbing a pencil into my ears?” I deadpan.

“No…” she smirks. “For one, I wanted to piss you off and make you jealous. Show you what you were missing out on.”

“Uh-huh…well mission accomplished.”

“And two, well, there was a reason I was acting much more spirited than usual.”

“Spirited? It sounded like you were possessed.”

She runs a hand down my chest. “Maybe I was thinking of someone else at the time.”

I like where this is going and I raise my eyebrows before taking a sip of my coffee. “Go on. I like the turn this story is taking.”

“Well, I won’t go into detail, but just know that all of those noises you heard, were caused by you.”

I set my mug down and then grab hers to do the same. With my hands free, I pull her closer to me while I slip a finger into the waistband of her underwear and snap it against her skin.

“Naughty girl,” I murmur before kissing her hard on the mouth.

“Maybe so,” she says when she pulls away, “But, I’m willing to bet that gave you some nice material to use for a few lonely nights?”

When I pull her by her hips over my lap, there is no way she is missing the growing hard-on I’ve got going on under the sheets. “Baby, you have no idea how much material that gave me.”

Before I can get too involved with my roaming hands and mouth, she stops me by pulling back. My eyebrows crease together and my lips form a tight line with annoyance. I don’t like not being able to indulge in an early morning bone session at the moment. Especially when she’s sitting here, grinding her tight little ass against said bone.

“Before you get too carried away, and before you start pouting any more than you already are, I have to show you something.”

“Is it under your panties?”

She sighs and rolls her eyes at me. “No.” Then she reaches over and takes something off the tray. She hands me a book and when I look at it, I see it’s the book we read together. Love In The Time Of Cholera. And it’s not just any copy, it’s my exact one.

I look up at her in surprise. “This is mine! I’ve been looking everywhere for it. I thought I lost it when I moved.”

She shrugs and smiles shyly. “I may have stolen it from your room before.”

“You stole it from me?”

“Kind of. After we were done reading it, I put it in my bag because I wanted to take it home to reread it again. And I meant to tell you and bring it back when I was done. But then you decided to be the world’s biggest asshole…”

“Yeah, I know that part, we don’t need to rehash that again.”

“Well, anyway, I forgot it was in there and I left with it. So, there it has stayed, in my bag for the past six months. Which is how it ended up here again because I brought my bag with me when I left work last night.”

I turn the book over in my hands and smile. “I love this book. For obvious reasons.”

“So…will you read to me?” she asks, just like she did before, with the big eyes and the pouty lip.

“You want me to read this again? Are you sure? Because there are a lot of other things I can think of that we could be doing right here, right now, in this bed.”

She shakes her head, and then climbs off my lap, taking her coffee cup, and then snuggling up next to me under the covers. “I want to lie right here next to you, all warm and cozy, while you read our book to me with that super sexy voice of yours.”

I smile and kiss her forehead. “Well, when you flatter me like that, how can I resist?” I start to settle in and open the book. “And then…”

She sighs. “Yes, and then you may use me to take care of that giant bed snake I felt stabbing me in the leg just now.”

“I’m going to remember you said ‘giant’, by the way.”

“Just read the damn book, Five.”

“Yes, my darling. Anything for you.”

Chapter Nine: Hey Daddy

“Five!” you yell from the bedroom, as you’re on your hands and knees, frantically searching under the bed. “Where are my shoes?”

You hear his voice from the other room. “How the hell do I know?”

“Well, can you come here and help me look for them? I’m going to be late!”

After a few seconds, Five comes striding casually into the room, holding out a pair of strappy black heels that are dangling from his fingers. “Looking for these?”

“Oh! Yes, thank you! Where were they?”

“One was on the kitchen counter and the other was lying on the sofa.”

You give an exasperated sigh as you start tugging them onto your feet, using Five’s shoulder to steady yourself so you don’t tip over. “How in the world…I am a walking disaster this morning!”

When you get your shoes on, you straighten up and tug your clothes down, then you smooth your hair. Your nerves and scattered brain are obvious and Five grabs your hands in his. You can see he’s trying not to laugh at you.

“Hey, everything is going to be fine. You’re supposed to be having fun. It’s a celebration, remember? Not a tax audit.”

You give him a strained smile and you’re dying to start picking at your fingernails, but he’s got your hands held tight. “I know, but there’s just so much to do. I have to make sure all of the food is there, and the gifts for my staff and the music…” Five gives your hands a squeeze when he sees you starting to panic again.

“You’ve gone over everything a million times, it’s all done. All you have to do now is show up, be your delightful, albeit slightly neurotic self, and celebrate your one-year anniversary of ownership.”

“You’re right,” you sigh.

“As always.”

You give him an irritated look at his response, but you only receive a smirk in return. Then he leans in to kiss you and suddenly you feel a little more relaxed.

“You’re going to come by later?” you ask him.

“Absolutely. I want to hear you make your big speech, and also snag some of that good champagne we bought. I can’t let all of that go to waste on the riff-raff over there.”

“They are not riff-raff, they are my loyal customers.”

“If Klaus is there, they are riff-raff.”

You laugh. “That’s true. He said he was coming and bringing friends.”

“See?”

“Well, anyway, don’t be late. What are you doing before then?”

“Going to visit Leroy and Mr. Featherbottom the Third. They’ll be expecting me.”

After a deep sigh and a look up, while you mutter under your breath, you look back at Five. “You’re naming them now?”

“Well, not all of them, that’s ridiculous. Just the frequent flyers.” A giant grin spreads across his face. “Get it?”

“Oh, I get it alright. I get that my boyfriend is a certifiable nutcase and is starting to name pigeons at the park.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“I’m jealous of some dirty old pigeons?”

“Yes. You’re jealous because I have to split my time between you and my feathered friends and you can’t handle the competition.”

You let out another frustrated sigh, but your exterior is starting to crack and you can’t help smiling as you pull your hands away from his and put them on his shoulders. “I can assure you, my sexy old man, that I am not jealous. Because if I were, that would mean you’d be doing something much weirder with those birds than feeding them in the park, and if that’s the case we need to have a long talk. And I don’t have time for that right now.”

He gives your cheeks a squeeze and kisses you on the mouth. “I promise you are the only one, human or non-human, that I am doing weird things with.”

“Glad to hear it. Now, I need to get going, so tell Mr. Featherbutt…”

“Bottom.”

“Whatever…tell him I said hi and I’ll see you later today, ok?”

“I’ll be there.”

You start looking around the room. “Now where the hell are my car keys, I know I just had them.”

Five fishes around in his pants pocket and pulls out your keys, holding them up in front of you with that know-it-all look of his.

“Damn it! Where were they?” you ask as you snatch them out of his hand.

“In the dishwasher.”

“In the dish…what in the hell is wrong with me today?”

Five shakes his head. “I’m not sure, but you are so damn cute, you know that?”

You give him a hasty kiss on the cheek and then you’re hurrying out the door. “Yes, I know I am, but thank you for reminding me. Love you!”

The anniversary party for your café has been planned for weeks. You never had a grand opening celebration, since you had just taken it over from the previous owner, but you decided you needed to mark the occasion somehow. Five had helped you with the planning, which ended up being extremely helpful and annoying at the same time. As it turns out, which was not a huge surprise, an uptight man with attention to detail and a lot of spare time on his hands can be a bit much. But he really did take care of a good portion of it, so you were very thankful in the end.

On your drive in to work, you let your mind wander and start thinking about how happy you are at this point in your life. Your business is profitable, you have a good staff that likes and respects you, and you are no longer lonely. Only a few weeks after your reunion, you had moved in with Five. Everyone you had told at the time had thought you were crazy and moving way too fast, but you knew deep down that it was the right choice. You two were happy together and neither of you were going anywhere. So, it just made sense.

Now it was six months later and you had never been so in love. He had not broken his promise of making sure you were always taken care of and he did everything in his power to make you happy. Not that you needed much. You made sure he was content with your life together, too. And even though his old man tendencies sometimes tried your patience, you were happy if he was happy. The amazing sex was an added bonus.

The party was supposed to be an all-day event, with free coffee, music, and glasses of champagne for every customer. Then, you were going to close early and have the party continue for just your staff. They were as much of a part of the success of your business as you were, and you want them to feel appreciated. The staff party was when Five was supposed to drop by.

The event goes well and when Five does walk in, you catch him out of the corner of your eye while you’re deep in conversation with someone. You are drawn immediately out of it, though, when you do a double take as he stands across the room, watching you and waiting for you to finish. You’re pretty sure your jaw drops open and you feel your heart start to beat faster.

“Holy shit,” you mutter to yourself as you rudely blow off the person you are talking to and start heading in Five’s direction.

He is dressed impeccably in a black, three-piece, tailored suit and black tie. His hair has been freshly cut and combed neatly into place. And he smells amazing. For a second, all you can do is stare and you feel like you’re back in the apartment when you were dating Klaus and you were eyeing him up from afar, imagining dirty scenarios about the two of you. Then you snap out of it and remember he’s yours now, even if you still find yourself imagining dirty scenarios.

You run the palms of your hands down the front of his suit coat and down to his waist before bringing them up again, grabbing his tie and smoothing it down.

“Hey, Daddy,” you say quietly while looking up at him hungrily.

When he draws a line down your cheek with the back of his finger, you shiver. “Hello, darling.” He places a hand on your chin and raises your face up before leaning down to kiss you sensually. You hope the sound you made wasn’t audible by anyone else because it is embarrassingly pathetic. Five pulls back with a satisfied smirk because he knows he looks fucking good and that you’re weak in the knees for him right now.

“Are you feeling alright, sweetheart?” he asks like the giant asshole he is.

“You look amazing…and I think you know it.”

Five shrugs and puts his hands in his pants pockets, which only accentuates the lean lines of his body even more. He looks around cooly and then back at you. “Thank you, but I was just trying to clean up a little for your special occasion. I didn’t want to come in here looking like a bum.”

“I don’t think it’s possible for you to look like a bum, but you most definitely went above and beyond with this suit.” You can’t help but run your hands down his chest again. “Damn it, Five, this isn’t fair.”

“What’s not fair?”

You look around to make sure no one is close enough to hear you. “How badly I want to take you into the back room so you can fuck me against a wall right now.”

He laughs. “Since I know you want to remain professional at the moment, how about this? I will most definitely fuck you against any wall you wish once we get home later tonight.”

“I can live with that, I suppose. I just want you to know, though, that you are the hottest man in here by a mile and I have already seen at least two women checking you out.”

“Is that so?” he asks with a quirk of his brow. He looks around the room. “Which ones?”

You roll your eyes. “Alright, your hotness factor is starting to diminish now.”

“Yours hasn’t,” he tells you before kissing you again.

Just then, Klaus enters the shop. You can see he has dressed for the occasion as well, with fitted red velvet pants that flare at the bottom and a flowy green shirt that is halfway unbuttoned down the front. It should be a hideous outfit, but Klaus makes it look good. You can already see a few people eyeing him up. When he sees you and Five, he makes his way over.

“Hey there,” he says as he saunters up. “Well, don’t you two look adorable? Kind of makes me nostalgic for the good old days, if you know what I’m saying.”

Klaus leans in to give you a quick kiss and Five scowls at him. “Watch it.”

Klaus puts a hand to his chest, feigning offense. “My dear brother, have no fear. I wasn’t suggesting anything lewd between me and your lady love.” He pauses and smiles while looking Five up and down. “You are most definitely included in the equation, too, you sexy bastard.”

Five gives an exacerbated huff. “Klaus, you’re disgusting.”

“Why thank you!” Klaus turns to look at you. “Great job, by the way, I’m very proud of you.”

“Thanks, Klaus,” you say.

“Now, I heard there was booze here?”

You laugh. “Yes, the champagne is over there. Help yourself.”

“I shall,” Klaus replies as he floats away in the direction of the table loaded with flutes of sparkling wine. You watch as one of your employees immediately rushes over to him, and within thirty seconds Klaus already has his arm around the lucky man. You laugh and shake your head. He really does have a way of charming everyone he meets.

After a few more minutes, you make sure everyone has a glass and you take one for yourself before you head to the front of the room, facing the small crowd of coworkers and friends. Klaus and his new boy toy go over to stand next to Five.

“Excuse me, everyone?” you start, gathering the group’s attention until the room is quiet and all eyes are on you. You suddenly feel very nervous, even though all of these people are close to you and they feel like family. Your gaze drifts to Five standing at the back of the room, and he gives you an encouraging smile.

“I just had a few brief words to say about marking this one-year anniversary of the café. I want to thank every single person in this room for all of their hard work and dedication. Without you, we would not be the success we have become today. I love my job and I love my staff, which is much more than most people can say about their work. You are all truly wonderful and I cannot thank you enough.”

Everyone claps at that and when the noise dies down again, you continue on.

“I also need to thank someone else, and that is my very supportive, yet mildly abrasive boyfriend.” When you see Five react with surprise, you smile. “Five, you are truly the love of my life and I owe a lot of my success to you, too. You make me a more confident person and I always know that you will have my back. Plus, I have become pretty good at conflict resolution because of you, since living with you every day has its definite conflicts.”

You laugh when he gives you an exhausted look. “But I wouldn’t change any of it, because you are my rock and I love you so much. Thank you for loving me back.”

There is a chorus of “aws” throughout the room. Five has a combined expression of embarrassment, pride, and love on his face. You watch as Klaus nudges him with his shoulder in a fond gesture.

You continue on with a smile. “Because I love you so much, I was trying to think of a new name for the place that would be a little tribute to you. The obvious name would be ‘Cholera and Coffee’, but I have a feeling that would not be good for business.” Everyone laughs, including Five. “Then I thought of ‘Bean My Baby’, since I know that’s your favorite song.” Five raises an eyebrow at you. “Then it was ‘The Old Man And The Tea’, but that was too long.”

“In the end, I decided on ‘Books, Love, and Coffee’, because you don’t know this yet, but I am going to add a small library of classic romance books to the store so that customers can sit and enjoy their drinks while they read about love. And hopefully, it will inspire them to find someone perfect for themselves, just like we have done.”

You can see Five get a little misty-eyed after you say that, and you have to control your happy tears, as well. After you finish your little speech with a toast to everyone, you go back over to Five where he immediately pulls you in close with an arm around your waist. He kisses you softly and looks deeply into your eyes.

“The Old Man And The Tea? Really?” he says dryly.

You laugh. “Come on, you have to admit that’s funny.”

“It’s not.”

You squeeze his cheeks in with your hand, just like he had done to you earlier and you plant a big kiss on his lips. “My grumpy old man…I love you.”

He tries to look irritated, but that makes his face squish together even more, which gets you giggling again before you let go.

“I love you, too. Against my better judgment,” he says.

“So, what do you think of my new idea with the library?”

“I think it’s great. I know you’ll make it work and it will draw more people in.”

“I might need your help with some logistical things.”

“I’d be happy to help, you know that. I’m always here for you.”

“I know that,” you smile. Then your eyes travel down his body again and suddenly you’re not thinking about the café anymore. You kind of wish everyone else would get the fuck out so he could pound you into one of the tables, health code violation be damned.

“We need to get home soon,” you tell him with a hand on his chest. “I can’t keep looking at you in this suit without having some very inappropriate thoughts.”

Five smirks and pulls you in closer, his hand rubbing up and down your back, making your skin tingle. “Yes, we do need to get home. I’m going to need details of these inappropriate thoughts and then we can work on making them happen.”

When you two arrive back home, it’s late and you’re exhausted. You kick off your heels in the middle of the living room, prompting Five to pick them up with a heavy sigh and place them neatly near the door.

“I need to shower,” you tell him.

His mouth turns up in a mischievous smile. “Is that an invitation?”

“I’ll let you decide.”

Once you are in the shower and you have washed the grime of the day off of you, you start to wonder if Five is going to join you in there after all. You are just about to turn the water off and step out when you shriek loudly as your body is forced flat against the tile wall. Five is behind you, his body pressed against yours and his lips on the damp skin of your neck.

“What took you so long?” you say as you try to catch your breath.

“I was torturing myself by seeing how long I could hold out before blinking in here to violate you. Turns out, it’s really not that long.”

“Felt like a long time to me.”

“Sweetheart, how many times do I have to tell you…just ask for what you want and I’ll give it to you,” he murmurs against you.

His hands drift down your arms, encircling your wrists to hold them tightly. He’s in complete control of you, trapping you between the wall and his body, your arms pinned to your side. You turn your head and look over your shoulder as best you can. His gaze catches yours and he grins.

“Lucky for you, I happen to know exactly what you want right now.”

“Oh, do you? And what’s that?” you answer back with as much sass as you can manage with your face smashed against the wall.

You feel the heat of his mouth against your wet and rapidly cooling shoulder. He licks up the water droplets that cover it and you can feel his teeth scrape lightly across your skin. You don’t think you will ever get tired of feeling his mouth on you and right now you would let him do just about anything without hesitation. And you have no doubt that he does know exactly what you want right now.

His voice is dark and husky as he speaks next to your ear. “You want me to make you helpless. You want to be fucked hard and rough until you can’t take it anymore.” He pauses to push his hard cock against your ass. “You need me, don’t you?”

“Yes,” you whimper, and maybe you sound a little pathetic but you know he likes it.

Taking your wrists, he roughly yanks them over your head and pins them to the wall. “Beg me,” he demands, and the hardness in his voice sends shivers down your spine. “Beg me to fuck you. I want to hear it.”

“Please,” you whine.

He takes your wrists and pulls them away from the wall before slamming them against the tile again. You notice that he keeps his hands around you in such a way that you don’t get hurt by the impact.

“You want to try that again, princess?” he hisses, before biting the side of your neck with enough force to make you flinch.

“Please, Five…I need you.”

“Keep going. Beg for my cock.”

He starts pushing against you harder, and your tits are smashed into the wall almost to the point of pain. But the feeling of him behind you, grinding his hard cock against your ass is making you so damn wet that it hardly matters what the rest of your body is doing.

You give out a little cry and try and push your ass back into him, but he’s stronger than you and there’s no way you can move. “Please, Five, please. I need you to fuck me.”

Five reaches over and grabs some soap off the shower shelf. He holds onto your wrists with one hand, using plenty of his strength to keep you there. You feel his soapy hand drag between your cheeks, his finger stopping and rubbing over your tight hole, dipping just a little inside before pulling back again. Then he is sliding his dick between your ass cheeks, pumping it back and forth with a long groan.

“God, I could come just from this,” he rasps before biting and sucking at your shoulder again, his hips jerking and snapping against you from behind.

“No…” you whimper sadly. You would much rather him come somewhere else.

“What’s that, sweetheart?” He slams his cock against you, the soap making it slide easily between your cheeks, rubbing over your hole. “You don’t want me to come like this? I thought you loved it when I cover that beautiful ass of yours with my cum.” His voice changes from sweet to menacing in a second and his hold on your wrists tightens, his fingers digging into the soft flesh of the underside.

He doesn’t demand an answer from you this time. Instead, he asks you another question. “Tell me, darling…who else fucks you like I do? Who else makes you scream?”

“No one,” you moan out, louder than you meant to. You’re so desperate and you don’t care how pitiful you’re becoming just from some dirty words and a dick pressed against you. “Only you, Five.”

His self-satisfied smirk is evident against your shoulder as he passes his lips over one and then moves to the other.  He’s teasing you mercilessly as your pussy gets slicker with each second.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing that,” he muses.

He lets your wrists go, but it’s only so that he can grab your upper arms and spin you around so that you are facing him. His eyes are dark, and the spray from the water has dampened his hair. He takes one hand briefly off of you to slick it back off his forehead before he has you in his full grip again, your back flush against the wall. When he rubs his dick between your legs, you moan and close your eyes.

He suddenly drops to his knees in front of you, and there’s no time to react because he’s moved his hands to your wrists again. Once again, your arms are pinned against the wall. Five looks up at you with feral eyes.

He keeps his intense gaze on you, even as he gives a long, slow lick through your throbbing heat. The sound that comes out of your mouth is high-pitched and desperate as you jerk your hips into him.

“Ohhh…Five…”

He doesn’t give you anymore just yet but makes you sweat it out while he kneels before you and watches your face.

“Did you like that, baby? Want more?”

“Yes, fuck yes I want more!”

He gives one more long lick up through the middle and then he stops just like before, leaving you desperate. You push your hips into him again, but he pulls his head back just enough that you can’t make contact.

“I could do this all day; you taste so fucking good. Maybe I will,” he teases with a dirty smile before diving back in again for another long, single lick.

“Ohh…god…please, Fiiive…” You can barely stutter out a coherent sentence you’re aching so badly for him.

“I love hearing you beg for me. Fuck, that turns me on.” He runs his tongue over you again, one time. “Keep going, sweetheart.”

“Fuuck…Five, you’re not being fair.”

“Oh, I’m aware.” Another single lap wets your already-soaked sex as he drags his tongue over it. “But I really do like watching you squirm like this.” He licks you again. “And let’s not forget who’s in charge here. So, if I want to make you wait, I guess you’re waiting. Isn’t that right, darling?”

You tip your head back against the wall with a frustrated sigh. “Yes.”

Five resumes his torture for several more minutes, one agonizing lick at a time. He continues to hold your arms down and any time you try to push yourself into his face, he backs off. You’re dying to come, but he won’t let you, and the more he makes you wait, the more he gets off on it.

When you’re absolutely sure you’re going to die from lack of sexual satisfaction, and the water has run cold so that your skin is covered in goosebumps, he finally relents.

“I think I’ve made you wait long enough. What do you think? You want to come on my mouth or my dick?” he asks with a crooked smile.

Your chest is heaving and you try to answer the best you can in between gasping breaths. “Fuck…I don’t care…just…fuck me!” You’re practically screaming you’re so desperate.

“I think both,” he says, right before he covers your cunt with his entire mouth.

It hardly takes anything at all. As soon as he is sucking at your clit and tongue fucking your pussy, you are falling apart. This time he doesn’t stop when you’re bucking wildly against his face as your orgasm ripples throughout your body, but he does keep your arms restrained. Your cries are echoing off the shower walls and throughout the whole apartment. If the neighbors didn’t know Five’s name before, they sure as hell do now.

“Oh, fuck…oh fuck…oh my god…” you pant as you try to compose yourself just a little after your body stops shaking.

Five pulls away from you and stands up, letting go of your wrists as he gives you another direction.

“I’m not done with you yet,” he growls, before picking up one of your legs and wrapping it around his hip. He pushes his cock into you with one deep thrust. “I’d hang on if I were you.”

With that warning, he’s pounding into you hard and fast as you scramble for purchase on the slick shower floor with your one foot, grasping onto his shoulders for support. Your back is being slammed against the wall as he uses all of his strength to fuck you as hard as possible.

“I…fucking…love…you,” he tells you in between his grunts and groans.

You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him, even as he is currently trying to destroy your body and smash it into a million pieces.

“Five, I love you,” you tell him as you’re hungrily trying to kiss him more and more.

You’re going to come again, you can feel it building inside of you, as he continues to penetrate you over and over again. He has one hand on your leg, holding you up, while the other is in your hair, alternating between pulling and stroking it.

Five is moaning as he talks to you. “Fuck, you feel amazing. I’ll never love anyone like I love you. Please, don’t ever leave. Ah fuck! Damn it, I’m going to marry you!”

It’s maybe not the best time for him to be confessing his undying love and proposing to you, but it doesn’t matter. You lock eyes with one another and you smile before you kiss him again. A few seconds later, you’re climaxing together, clutching onto one another, both of you wet, cold, and shivering. As soon as you are both finished, and he lets your leg down, Five reaches over and turns the water off. Without the sound of the shower going, it feels intimately quiet. You are still shaking from the cold and having just had two back-to-back orgasms when Five helps you step out and wraps a towel around your body. Then he pulls you in close again, holding you tight.

“I’m sorry, I know that was probably not—"

“My answer is yes, by the way. I know you didn’t actually ask me, but if you do, my answer will be yes.”

The smile that he flashes you is so full of love that it makes you want to melt into the bathroom rug at your feet. “Alright then. Will you marry me?”

“Yes, Five, I will marry you. I love you more than anything.”

Five lifts you up so that your feet are off the ground and he kisses you again. “I promise, I will give you everything you deserve.”

“I’m not even sure I deserve you, but I’m so lucky I have you. You make me happy every day.”

“Good. Because I plan on doing that for the rest of our lives.”

It is three months later and you are at home by yourself. Five has been out with his family most of the day. You know this usually pisses him off like nothing else, and he will most likely return in a foul mood. You don’t mind, though; you are used to dealing with his mood swings. The only difference today is that you can hardly wait until he gets home.

You can’t sit still and keep trying to sit down, only to pop up seconds later to do some mundane task like dusting the baseboards or scrubbing out the kitchen sink even though it was already clean. You really hope he gets home soon because you are majorly on edge and you feel like your brain is going a mile a minute, with a constant whir of thoughts and emotions running through it.

You are standing in the kitchen, wiping down the counters for the tenth time when you hear him appear inside the doorway with the familiar supernatural noise that you’ve come to associate with Five’s preferred form of transportation. And, as predicted, you can already hear him bitching and complaining to himself or anyone else that may be in the general vicinity.

When you walk out to the living room to find him, he is striding over to the liquor cabinet that resides there, taking out a crystal tumbler and filling it with a generous pour of bourbon. You watch as he slings some of it back with a grimace before looking over at you. He gives a tight smile, but you can tell he’s all wound up.

“These fucking morons! I swear, they get dumber by the day. Is it really that difficult to download the spreadsheets and charts that I have sent them all in preparation for our meeting today? And, per their request, I kept it under ten this time!”

He’s ranting in your general direction and you have to hold in your laughter so he doesn’t get even more pissed off. You perch yourself on the arm of one of the chairs.

“It’s really astounding the amount of stupidity they possess as individuals and as a group. I really don’t know why I waste my time on them.”

“Because you love them,” you offer matter-of-factly with a small smile.

Five scoffs in frustration, but he doesn’t deny it and seems to have stopped dwelling on the subject now. He takes another sip of his drink and when he lowers the glass, he manages a genuine smile.

“Sorry, this has nothing to do with you, really. I just needed to vent to someone.”

“I know. I’m used to being vented at by you.”

Five doesn’t comment on that, but he holds up his glass. “Do you want one?”

You shake your head and walk over to him. When you are standing in front of him, you can smell his usual scent of after-shave and general annoyance. You give him a kiss and you can immediately feel him start to morph into a normal, rational human again.

“How was your day, darling?” he asks after he kisses you back.

“It was good,” you say with a smile and a shrug.

“Nothing exciting happened, then?”

“Not really.” You reach up and give him another kiss. “But I did get some good news.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“Well, Daddy…I think we may need to move into a bigger apartment,” you say slyly while running a hand down his arm.

 Five frowns and looks around. “Why? What’s wrong with this place?”

“You know, it’s kind of small, really only big enough for two people.”

Five is still looking at you with his eyebrows creased together and he takes another sip of his drink. “And last time I checked, we are only two people.”

You sigh but smile at him again. “Yes, we are right now. But what if there was another person here? Someone that we would love and take care of?”

“What do you mean?” Five puts his glass down and tilts his head. “Don’t tell me Klaus lost his apartment because he is not moving in here with us. I don’t care what sad story he told you. That is some history I do not need to repeat.”

“Christ,” you murmur under your breath, before trying again. “Listen very carefully, Five. Soon, it’s not going to be just the two of us. We’ll be a threesome.”

He crosses his arms over his chest and looks at you with what you like to call his ‘what the fuck’ face. “What are you talking about? Like a three-way? I don’t know, that’s pretty weird, and I’m not saying I never thought about it, of course, but…it still seems kind of awkward and where would we even meet a—”

“Jesus Fucking Crist, Five! For being a self-proclaimed genius, you are the densest person on the planet sometimes!” You run a hand down your face and try one more time, taking his hands and holding them tightly in yours. “Listen to my words. You are going to be a daddy. And not in the sexy way that you’re used to. Do you get it yet?”

He blinks down at you in confusion and you think you might need to resort to pulling up a PowerPoint presentation on the birds and bees when you see the lightbulb finally flick on. His eyes widen and his eyebrows shoot up his forehead.

“Wait what? You’re…”

You smile and nod, squeezing his hands. “Yep, I’m pregnant. And I really hope you’re as excited about it as I am.”

Five brings his hands up to his face in disbelief and he nods. “Yes, yes, of course I’m excited. This is…I don’t even know what to say.”

You stand there for a few seconds while he processes everything. Then he suddenly grabs you and picks you up, your legs wrapping around his waist. He kisses you while your arms loop over his shoulders. When he pulls away, you can see the tears welling up in his eyes.

“I can’t believe this. Are you sure?”

You nod. “Yes, I’m very sure.”

He kisses you again and you start laughing just from the pure joy of the moment. There are actual tears running down Five’s face and you wipe them away with a gentle touch of your hand.

“You’re happy?” you ask.

He nods and smiles through his tears. “I’ve never been happier in my whole life. And I promise to love you and our child for the rest of my life. I’ll take care of both of you with everything I have.”

“I know you will, Five. Because that’s who you are. You take care of the people you love, even if you pretend to be an old grouch most of the time.”

“I am an old grouch, that’s true. However, I am willing to change and try to be a little less grouchy for the sake of our kid. And you.”

“Well, don’t change too much. I still want the same old man I fell in love with.”

Five kisses you and another tear slides down his cheek. “Sweetheart, I promise I will always be the same old man that you love. And you will always be the beautiful young woman who saw right through me and stole my heart with her relentless love and annoyance.”

“And I promise to always love and annoy you.”

He rests his forehead against yours and closes his eyes with a happy sigh. “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”

Thank you everyone for reading! If you'd like to check out my other, Five-centric fics, here is my MasterList :)

@baileebear @myinnermonologueisepic

[neoflect]

sharing some of my disorganized jojo musical thoughts now that ive had a week to sit on it and ive rewatched it several times over. i intended to wait to publish something like this until a subtitled version was available, but im not seeing any indication that thats happening any time soon so for now youll have to deal with my loose interpretations from my extremely rudimentary and rusty japanese… so take what i have to say about the finer points of characterization with a grain of salt. gratuitous spoilers below obviously, both for the original source material and the changes made in the stage production

my feelings are OVERWHELMINGLY positive. of course there are things i can criticize or that i would have personally done differently but oh man… i have literally not thought about anything besides this fucking show for a week. im 100% confident in saying this is a better adaptation of the source material than the tv anime. sorry to the davidpro staff, i respect their hard work and their love for jojo and their dedication to what is by any metric a pretty difficult property to adapt off of the page, but i dont know if i can ever forgive them for leaving half of the first episode’s storyboard on the cutting room floor in order to fit a standard half-hour tv slot, especially considering that what they cut is some of the really crucial character-building stuff. happily those scenes are not only reproduced in the stage version, some of them are expanded upon!

with the quick disclaimer that i’ve only managed to get my hands on the final 4/14 performance with shotaro arisawa and yoshihisa higashiyama, from what i’ve seen the casting is perfect. i’m sure there’s a rip of the 4/13 performance somewhere (i’ve seen clips) but i haven’t been able to find one… every single performer knocks it out of the fucking park, the cast chemistry is incredible and even the minor characters are loaded with charisma. and mamoru miyano… my god… mamoru miyano i owe you an apology. i was not familiar with your game. of course hes been killing it for decades at this point but i had soured on him a little bit recently because i felt like he was overcast in everything and i just didnt connect with his dnt reinhard at all, so when the casting was initially announced back in august i was underwhelmed, and of course my standards for the dio role in particular were astronomically high… i’ll go more into detail later in the post because i have so so many things to say about dio’s characterization here but mamoru miyano’s performance is like, life-changing. i had impossible expectations and he exceeded them.

sorry if im gushing. i am a hater by nature. its unusual for me to be so thoroughly pleased with something. im not even a musical theater guy. these are strange new feelings for me.

just to balance things out i’ll talk about a couple of the things that didn’t really work for me: first of all, the music is just ok. my initial draft of this post called the music “bad” but three additional viewings later i have warmed up to some of the songs. i don’t know if this is a shortcoming by dove attia as the composer or if it’s just me, as i said i’m not a musical guy and a lot of the genre conventions of musical theatre are not really the things i look for in music that i enjoy, but like… even at their worst they are serviceable. nothing here is sonically unpleasant to me. high points are “resolve of the ripple” (zeppeli’s hamon training song, a jazzy swing number - it’s simply catchy and fun to listen to) and the closer “phantom blood” (a sweeping ballad that reprises the earlier “light and darkness”/”golden spirit” leitmotifs into an epic duet between jonathan and dio as they join hands and walk off into the darkness together… made me cry! i wont lie! on every single one of my numerous viewings this one got me misty eyed!)

wait i forgot this is supposed to be the part where i’m being critical. ok my most loathed song in the musical is “dio’s world”. sorry dio nation. it doesn’t really work for me. i think this might be a case of my standards/expectations being too impossibly high because it’s not even really the worst song in the whole thing. and of course miyano eats it up so it’s not really his fault. i just find it kind of underwhelming… i find the melody a little grating, it’s kind of just a generic rock number, it’s just missing a particular je ne sais quoi…. the essence of dio isn’t there… lyrically though i am obsessed with the premise of dio recruiting his minions by selling himself as a kind of social revolutionary who is upending and inverting the brutal hierarchy of post-industrial victorian society with zombie blood magic. you win some you lose some.

the second sticking point for me is the costumes. they’re perfectly serviceable… adequate… but i mean when it comes to jojo “serviceable” and “adequate” costume design obviously falls well below what’s expected, right? a lot of the outfits have kind of a boxy, almost flat-looking kind of unflattering fit on the actors, which if i wanted to be generous i could attribute to the challenge of bridging the gap between these frail slender musical theater twinks and the two-meter-tall 250lb roided-out beefcakes theyre meant to be embodying. (bearing this discrepancy in mind a lot of the insane martial arts stuff in the second act doesn’t really land with the oomph that it should, but i also understand logistically why this kind of casting is not practical, and all things considered i think shotaro arisawa does a really incredible job of embodying jonathan joestar even though he kind of looks like i could snap him in half over my knee like a twig. he’s very cute. so i’m not mad about it.) of course, again, logistically, i understand that in a stage musical production, where actors only have minutes to complete costume changes, some sacrifices have to be made to the creative vision in the name of practicality. nevertheless this is jojos bizarre adventure!! i want to see some fucking baubles!!!!!!

which is all to say that… after carefully considering it for some weeks… i still have extremely mixed feelings about dio’s grink ass feather bathrobe look. it’s not that i dont think its something he could wear (the concept of dio lounging around in his gothic vampire palace doing re-animator style body horror experiments on the local wildlife in this “officer i have no idea what happened to my husband”-ass nightgown is nothing short of hysterical to me) but then he wears it into combat and i felt a little disappointed… it has the same unflattering fit issue as the other outfits in the show, and it is just such an un-araki-like design… where are the gaudy color combinations? the bizarre geometric patterns? the tease of an exposed boob/thigh/midriff? erina gets a stage-original dress design that i have fewer issues with because the excessive pleats and ruffles have more of an araki-esque sensibility, but every time i look at dio’s robe it feels like there’s something missing.  i’m going to choose to be nice about it because it’s not at all a deal breaker and, again, mamoru miyano devours the look. it’s fine. it’s always fun to have a new dio outfit. if anything, the fact that the blu-rays are being marketed as “2024 cast version” gives me hope for the possibility of a future production with a new vision for the costume design. (although the fact that this was such a difficult production - with stunts and pyrotechnics and moving setpieces - that its entire first week was cancelled indicates to me that the prospects for a future production from a different company are impossibly slim. i guess there’s always hope?)

in terms of the writing and the changes that were made from the original narrative, honestly i don’t really have an issue with anything that was cut. sorry if there are any diehard stans of Poco’s Unnamed Sister out there who are steamed that their favorite minor late phantom blood character got the axe, i kind of understand how you feel because i’ve been malding over david pro cutting the Danny Lore for eleven years, but i think it was the right choice and the story flows so much better. the real juicy meat at the core of phantom blood as a narrative and the thing that brings it head and shoulders above so much of the rest of jjba is the character-driven drama - that deliciously pulpy victorian gothic family tragedy - and the relationship between jonathan and dio. the musical beefs up the character drama and slims down the action-driven second half by trimming out the extraneous battles. the only real downside i see to this is that the absence of tompetty and his prophecy makes zeppeli’s arc and death feel INSANELY abrupt, but tbf that’s not a deal breaker for me. sorry zeppeli. you were born to die.

okay. okay. i think 1500 words into the post is enough fucking around so let’s talk about the real reason why you and i both know we’re here

musical dio is SO fucking sad. he’s positively wretched, you guys. he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and forced to eat cement when he was six. he cries even more than he does in the source material and even when he’s not crying he frequently delivers his lines as though he is moments away from bursting into tears. back when the musical first opened i was snooping on the reactions on jpn twitter and one commenter said they could see miyano’s tears and snot from the nosebleeds even without opera glasses, a remark i initially assumed was hyperbole but that i now think probably was not. araki’s dio is certainly tortured and a deeply pathetic crybaby beneath all the cruelty and posturing, but changes in the musical and miyano’s embodiment of the character bring this pathos to the fore. he is literally haunted: dario’s ghost lingers, a manifestation of all of dio’s traumas and insecurities that emerges from the recesses of his memory to taunt him with the reminder that he will always be his father’s son, all the way up until the very minute that jonathan breaks down the door to his vampire lair. i am OBSESSED with this - not only for the obvious reason that i delight in dio’s suffering personally but also because kong kuwata is a delight and he fucking kills it every time. also lends itself to a category 10 leitmotif moment at the top of the second act when dio emerges from the charred ruins of the joestar estate singing dario’s theme and calling out to jonathan - if i had to pinpoint this is probably the moment when this musical stuck for me as the Real Deal. they Get It.

the first solo number in the show is dio’s disney princess I Want song (amazingly, simply titled “dio”) where he weeps for his late mother and his wretched lot in life, and then - in a creative decision that made me clap my hands and hoot and holler at my screen in real life - there is a reprise of this number (delivered, naturally, through tears) when dio is almost arrested for murder and decides to become a vampire instead. so there’s this amazing hopeful uplifting inspirational orchestral music accompanying the onstage action of dio ruthlessly slaying jonathan’s dad and then getting pumped full of lead by a bunch of cops. it is brilliant. 10/10 no notes. it’s moments like this that i think really sell the “softening” of dio in the stage version for me, even though i am historically Not A Fan of fanworks that take a similar angle - like, yes, he is sad, but specifically he is narcissistically obsessed with the spectacle of his own suffering, he is boiling over with bitterness and rage for everyone around him who (by his own estimation) could never hope to have suffered as much as he has. this sensitivity and self-pity he wallows in are not expressions of a guilty conscience or a desire to change - they’re entirely the opposite - every cruel and monstrous deed dio commits is always justified to himself because he is simply the saddest little boy who has ever existed. he has been done wrong by the world and so there is no limit to the depravity he may reasonably respond with. i’ve seen several commenters describe this as a drastically different interpretation of the character from araki’s dio (and someone told me on twitter that mamoru miyano himself has also said this, but i cba to go digging for an actual source so take it with a grain of salt?), but i… dont think thats the case! dio’s obsession with his own weakness and his self-perception as the eternal underdog (as compared to jonathan) are certainly more exaggerated in miyano’s performance, but i don’t think this is an angle to the character that’s been manufactured out of whole cloth. the genre conventions of the stage musical force the melodrama up to eleven and dio’s incredibly repressed angst is the most rich vein to mine for that. hair-trigger sadist dio is still here, it’s the same guy, he’s still killing people mercilessly, you’re just getting to see him sing a big ballad about his feelings instead of confining those to an internal monologue.

if anything, the exaggeration of dio’s pathetic/cowardly/crybaby traits combined with his megalomaniacal aspirations and bottomless well of cruelty is just right. it’s perfect. fucking around, finding out, and then trying to weasel his way out of the consequences with crocodile tears just so you don’t see him drawing his knife to cut you clean open… yeah. thats the stuff. thats my one true blorbo. sad to say i will love him for ten thousand years.

i think that might be all i have to say… or at least all i feel like saying here… most likely ill come back and edit this post later. i certainly have some additional thoughts and some more esoteric/controversial takes but they’re not suited for a public blog. real ones will understand. im keeping my eyes peeled for somebody to translate this thing but to be frank i am kind of enjoying this little corner of fandom as it is right now: just the asians and the true hardcore phantom blood phreaks. i have not had this much fun in jojo fandom in almost a fucking decade. as soon as somebody publishes an english version my timelines going to get flooded with all the most deeply annoying “kono dio da” “speedwagon waifu” reddit guys and 15 year olds and my suffering will proceed. unfortunately this is my lot in life and i am doomed to be here forever because dio put a worm in my brain

[irisbleufic]

you are singlehandedly responsible for the most unique, compelling, heartbreaking take on daniel’s daughters that i’ve seen anywhere in the goddamn fandom. i couldn’t believe it when you admitted you weren’t originally going to include them in your series, like i can’t imagine what your story would be without them now. thanks for the way you write about coven and family, you just… don’t sugar coat anything. you don’t let people off easy <3

Hey there, anon. Thank you. There’s a feeling I get sometimes when I’m writing a longer project, a sort of emotional “here there be monsters, the kind you didn’t sign up for” vibe—and sometimes I manage to ignore it. This time, obviously, I didn’t. I’m the oldest child in a family who ended up estranged from one parent (who’s now dead, incidentally, as of two years ago), and my beloved younger sister didn’t. It’s taken discipline and suspension of my own bitterness to choose to develop the younger, favored sibling’s POV in a fictional context. In a weird way, it’s helping me work through what I haven’t examined. I wanted to avoid Daniel’s daughters because I didn’t want to hurt myself, but instead I let them in and will be doing myself some good once the sting wears off.

As for not letting people off the hook, no kidding. Armand and Daniel have definitely done shit in the past for which neither of them can be forgiven, but I’ve dropped them off the deep end into a set of circumstances in which they can either choose to be better or keep fucking up. Like, we know from book canon that Armand has the immense capacity to be a home builder and guardian to those who need it, so that’s what I’ve woven into the adaptation I’m engaging in here. Blending show and book material is a balancing act that I find incredibly engaging so far.

[shroomyifiy]

I'm back at it again boys, and it hasn't even been 24 hours yet

Hi, I’m back already to yap some more about Ace!Culprit because we need some more balance /jkjk

Disclaimer: I am NOT trying to attack any of the Eden!Culprit truthers out there, y’all might be right and she is cooked. And to the Ace fans, I’m sorry, I like him a lot, but someone gotta die here. My fav is already dead, I have no horse in this race (haha, get it?)

Let’s all be respectful here, okay? :)

Okay, let’s get into me rambling about more Thoughts™

Part 1: tape

Did I mention that I hate the tape so much? Like, it’s a very good idea! Having something go missing on screen so fast that pins down the killer? Yes!

But then we get to the two suspects and it’s just like, why? Why would either of them take it? What’s the point?

That, to me at least, is why it’s hard to believe either of them did it for most of the fans. 

One of the things brought up to me is about why (if Ace did take the tape) is it not covered in blood.

Great question! I have a few thoughts on this I wasn’t able to fully address in my reply originally.

Now, whether Ace holds onto the tape and pockets it when he leaves the room or if he immediately shoves it in his pocket doesn’t matter (right now anyways), his hands are already bloody before he touches his neck. Some blood should have gotten on it. But! I might be able to counter this!

#1: Washed/Wiped; The killer wiped the blood off the tape using a wet piece of fabric. Grip tape is able to be wet (although typically would lose adhesion over time after getting wet multiple times). Which I admit, it is a weird point to make. But I want to cover all possible routes.

#2: Blood; Okay, weird tangent time. But um, most of the blood would have been on the outermost layer of the tape. And maybe some on the sides, but whatever was underneath that bloody pieces wouldn’t be fully stained, and the outside edges could be hidden, since it doesn’t appear anyone removed the pieces of tape. And the tape is a darker color, which would likely hide dried blood further. It’s not like, say, toilet paper- where if you bleed over it a lot, it’ll stain further down the roll. It’s a much thicker material, and it’s been compared to sandpaper. I really don’t think it would stain the whole roll of tape, not by much. Trust me on this one.

Also! We have not seen the roll of tape! And we haven’t gotten a fully clear look at the tape used in the crime! It is possible for there to be missed blood because no one was looking for it. Remember, not all evidence comes from just the investigation. We’ve been shown this before. And it wouldn’t surprise me if someone noticed and didn’t mention it atp.

Now! Onto something else

Part 2: Shroomy had a silly thought about Eden being the culprit

So, I have drdt brainrot, which causes me to think about it a lot. And during one of those thoughts, as I was thinking about this case again and different ideas and theories, I came to a rather odd point.

One of the main points for Eden having taken the tape is her tool belt pockets, where she could have easily stored it and not have it been seen by Teruko. And a common counterargument against Eden being the killer is her helping put the note back together.

So that got me thinking.

Why would Eden rip the note up and throw it away, knowing it frames her as the killer? And, why not hide it inside one of those pouches on her tool belt?

Like no, seriously, why? Like, she could have just put it in there, and no one would have suspected anything. In fact, it would make her less suspicious! And sure, Min got caught hiding evidence on herself, but I doubt they would think that. Min got caught with the pen because they knew she had one and that was crucial evidence for the fake out of order sign. There’s no reason anyone would think Eden would have a note on her.

If Eden really does want to get away with it, and if she really did pocket the tape in one of those pouches, I really need an explanation as to why she didn’t hide it there until she could get rid of it somewhere else or something.

She saw what happened to Teruko during the last trial. She would know everyone would immediately start jumping on her as the killer. Why frame herself? For what? To play 4D chess on everyone? Teruko flat out said that subtle manipulation would be lost on everyone.

Also, this might be a stretch, but doesn’t ripping a note up into hundreds of pieces fit more into Ace’s nature than Eden? Food for thought.

And that’s not getting into something I feel like needs to be addressed- hold up, let’s switch sections

Part 3: “A good person”

Hi guys. I know we all know about the secret message on the chapter title card reading “a good person”.

I know we all know about how being a good person is one of the major themes of this chapter, and probably the fangan as a whole.

I know we’ve gone through so many heel turns this chapter.

BUT!

Eden doesn’t have to be the killer to not be as pure as everyone thinks. She doesn’t have to make a heel turn like everyone else. In fact, that would be what? The like what, 4th one this chapter/trial???

I think we get it by now, not everyone is what they seem. Just because she’s one of the only ones to not be either breaking down, having a heel turn, or being Whit (always sus), doesn’t mean she also needs to. In fact, I feel like if she was the killer, it’d just be repeating things that ALREADY HAPPENED IN THIS VERY TRIAL!!!!!

Like, she would either be exactly like Min or pulling a David. Which would diminish her character. Like, “oh no, this really nice and positive character is actually evil!!! And murdered someone who trusted her and wanted to be better!!! Oh what a shock!!!!”

It feels repetitive.

Now, I’m fine with the idea of Eden becoming a murderer down the line. I mean, she (probably) took out Xander’s eye before the killing game. We already know Eden isn’t perfect, because no one is. That was the lesson of the chapter. But Eden being Arei’s killer just doesn’t feel right.

And not to go on a rant about parallels and thematics like the theater kid I am, AGAIN, but come on guys, you don’t spend the whole chapter of Teruko distrusting everyone and having the most trusting person trying to get her to open up several times and directly call out the Min-Eden parallels in game to just,,, do it all over again.

You don’t have David say “I want you to distrust everyone” for her to be proven that she shouldn’t trust anyone. I swear I’m not delusional here guys, I swear.

And like, really, how much longer CAN they drag out the Nico-Ace thing? Because this episode has clearly set up Nicorose and Nicohu divorce arcs, and gave us some sort of resolution for Ace-Nico. Nico regrets it, but can’t apologize because they don’t like Ace at all.

And yes Acevi had their divorce, but I doubt that could go much of anywhere. They had a falling out at the last trial, mind you, and it affected this chapter a lot. It would be interesting to see, and as much as I would love Ace to be like the little cockroach that survives somehow, I don’t see it happening. Something something, repeating plotlines.

And like guys my Teruko-Ace and Ace-Arei parallels!!! I love them all so much I want to shake them around in a jar!!!! /pos

God I love these characters. I will spare you the longer rant about that, for now (if you would like to hear more about that, lmk). We will move on for now.

Part 4: Chapter 2 Syndrome and THH

Okay, I’ve seen some people compare this chapter to the second case of thh, which I think is a much more fair and valid argument, because the series does take place in the same universe as the events of it, and chapter 1 had its own similarities to case 1.

But, let’s determine what exact the themes are with these two cases.

Obviously, drdt chapter 2 is about what it means to be a good person. I think we agreed on that.

Thh chapter 2 has themes about strength (mental vs physical; strong vs weak) and toxic masculinity. We will be discounting the second one as it’s not as relevant as the theme of strength.

Chihiro had more mental strength than Mondo, and wanted to change. Mondo had more physical strength, and was held back by his lack of mental strength, causing him to lash out in the heat of the moment and commit a murder.

There are some comparisons you could make (confirmed murderer, antag being fucked up, secrets motive, victim being suspended), and I am not denying that. Actually, I have my own thoughts about how thh plays into drdt in its own way.

But I want to point out and talk about the victim and the two suspects fit into this.

Obviously, this is a lot of reaching.

Eden and Arei: Mondo betrayed Chihiro’s trust and killed them, which would fit with Arei and Eden. Which, yes, is fair, but everyone who kills is betraying someone's trust. And while there would be a fair comparison between the two, Eden isn’t the only one.

Ace and Arei: Mental and physical strength! Arei had the mental strength to try and change, and it was working towards her goal of being a less shitty person. While Ace was going through hell and back mentally and nearly died and who no one liked. Two athletes, something defined by strength.

It could go either way, or just flat out ignore it altogether. Either way, I wanted to point it out.

Can you tell I love themes and narrative yet? They’re so silly !>-<!

Part 5: Wrap up time

God I am going to lose it in the wait until Friday. Biting the bars on my enclosure frfr.

Okay, I am actually going to (hopefully) not end up writing another thesis on Ace!Culprit after this one, okay? Hopefully? I need to like, actually talk about something else for a hot minute lmao.

Also I forgot to mention this last time, but currently Eden doesn’t have a way to obtain the fish as far as I’m aware, while Ace does, so y'know. More points to him.

Okay, that’s the last of it I swear! (unless 4k character parallel analysis on like half the cast if anyone wants to see that)

Might talk about Charles and Whit (and how oh they aren’t making it out of chapter 3 together I swear) or Mai Akasaki (and all of the nonsense surrounding her ass) next, idk, we see how I feel and how motivated I am lolz

Anyways, see you next time! Remember to stay kind to everyone else, even if you disagree with them, and remember guys, that’s just a theory, A DESPAIR TIME THEORY!

Thanks for reading! ^_^

[dangan-stuck]

We're here, dammit. This is DanganStuck, and these are the V3 character casts!

SPOILER ALERT. This whole thing contains major spoilers for V3! 

So, this all started when we found a dead body in the Lab… 

Sorry, it’s an inside joke!

Hello, I guess? I don’t know what I’m doing, but here I am, telling you about the Danganronpa x Homestuck AU crossover.

I’m developing this project (?) with [ @happy6machine , @julia-bunncat ] and with the help of some other cool guys as a support team. Lots of headcanon material has accumulated, and progress in the development of the au has simply... stalled, and I thought I’d try to share it >_< because I haven’t seen anyone else doing something like this so extensively!

I’ll start with V3 (my current fandom fixation) and castes, I guess!! The choice for some characters was pretty obvious and straightforward (ex: olive cast for Ryoma and Tenko, purple for Kokichi, indigo for Gonta and etc.), others were more unusual options (violet for Kaito, whaat?), but I swear I have an explanation behind them :Ъ

But first, I’d like to make a small remark: We hadn’t set a specific lore for the whole thing. Sometimes we experimented with transforming characters into trolls during gameplay to see how it would work, leaving the game plot, killings, interactions and so on untouched. Other times, we made up certain plot snippets and events as if they all lived on Alternia. Occasionally, we’ve stayed in the session area (which we’ll discuss further), prescribing classpects, castes, quadrants, and so forth—all these options were considered.

Now back to the castes, let's go in order:

• Himiko is the weakest, slowest, and laziest member of the V3 cast. She isn't very bright, or at least she's too caught up in fantasies. She's also, well, red. I didn't see the point in making up something special for her, so I just put her in the rust caste. It also makes the dynamic between her and some of the other characters very intriguing, which I'll discuss later. Her desire to perform tricks can be interpreted as 'service/entertainment for the people', literally a jester for the public, which suits the lower castes. But what are the tricks? Well, rust and psychic powers, right? :D So Himiko has psychic powers, though not very powerful ones... And still calls it magic, of course.

• Kaede was a… difficult case. OK, my excuse: I wanted to include a representative of every caste (except Fuchsia) at least once, and Kaede got caught in the hot seat. But she's bronze for more than just that reason!  There's a joke that I'll tell you about some other time, because I want to hold its punch for a while. As it is, we're hooked on the scene in the first chapter where Kaede immediately falls on her knees in front of Miu (instinct of subordination??). Also, the music is associated with birds, and all animals are associated with the bronze caste. Of course, Kaede is extremely... feisty and enthusiastic for such a caste, but luckily she has many highblood friends—including Kaito, who stood up for her in-game, and if they were trolls, it would work perfectly ;)

• /heavy sigh/ Keebo.

I originally drew this art [link] when my friends and I were just starting to get through V3, and I just liked the sort of black dynamic between the three of them. I didn't think much about the castes at the time, but ironically they haven't changed.

There are some problems with Keebo, because he's obviously a robot, and I want to keep him as a robot in this AU. The most realistic option is that Keebo is a prototype for a new kind of drone to be used on spaceships. After all, he is an advanced AI imitating a troll, so it makes sense to give him some blood color. Gold blood is often associated with the "trolls are used as batteries on ships” theme, and Keebo was literally created to maintain ships. It's... a bit of a stretch, really, but that's all we have for now. I think the lore will be expanded upon in the future.

• Korekiyo. Giving him gold blood was sort of a joke at first, playing on the fact that Korekiyo, like Sollux, has a point that grants him duality—his sister. However, as we fleshed out the lore, the choice felt increasingly fitting. I'll be writing separate posts, probably more than one, to outline his lore because, folks, this is FIRE. I never particularly liked Kork in the game, but now- hell, I LOVE him. Have pity on the poor boi; he's suffered a lot.

• Ryoma and Tenko. Since they both get the olive caste on the same principle, I will combine them. Guys, It's literally a catboy and a catgirl; what other questions could there be?

Okay, technically, Tenko also receives olive blood because she is combative and strong, which are characteristics of this caste. She generally looks like a cat herself ([EN] we’re referring to her fangs and headband with ears in the beta design, her collar with the bell and some of her facial expressions on the sprites), and her temper matches her caste. I'm not sure how to adapt her hatred of men to Homestuck... yet. Maybe she'll hate highbloods instead? That's something to think about.

Ryoma, for his part, with his whole cat theme (his Lusus is a cat, of course), the resemblance of cat ears on his hat, and his tendency to stare into space—he's a good fit too. And despite his small size, he is quite strong.

• Maki. And that's where the problems and doubts begin to unfold. We were deciding whether to make her olive or maybe jade, given her backstory. After all, she disguises herself as a caretaker in canon, and you wouldn't expect a girl from an orphanage to turn out to be a professional assassin. On the other hand, you might expect that from an olive caste troll. Actually, there are indeed olive assassins. But several factors convinced me to give her this particular caste:

- Maki herself is like a wild cat. Her killer stare, mouth shape, quick reactions, strength, agility, grace.

- raising jade trolls as ''assassins'' sounds not only ideologically dubious (after all, the jade caste has a special place in troll society), but also illogical. Jade's killing instinct is probably suppressed, otherwise there would be complete bloodbath in the brooding caves, they wouldn't get along with each other, they wouldn't be able to take care of wigglers.

- yeah, we've sort of canonised Maki being raised by a group of trolls to be an assassin. And raising an olive for that purpose is a perfectly reasonable idea, given their natural abilities.

- the idea for the jade caste came from the fact that children are attracted to Maki. However, Maki gets surprised by this fact every time. She calls it silly, paradoxical, and strange. Well, it wouldn't be strange at all if wigglers were attracted to a jade blood troll; that's natural. But the fact that they are attracted to an olive one should come as a surprise, even to Maki herself.

• Kirumi. Wasn’t overthinking it. The caste is given to her at the same time because of the method of exclusion (others don't really fit) and because of her calmness, composure, and desire to care for others. Kirumi can also be very, very dangerous, just like the jades in canon ;)

• Rantaro. Anybody ordered male jade? I love them personally, despite knowing they're very rare. Well, that choice is pretty obvious: Rantaro is filled with the desire to care for and protect his younger siblings. Where else could he end up but in the jade caste? He's also just a handsome guy with the cutest face, and he's GREEN, dammit! I made my choice immediately. And there's already a story about him! It's small, but we're definitely going to expand it.

• Shuichi. Do I have to explain anything??? Well, in case someone doesn't know, teal caste and detective work are two sides of the same (hee hee) coin, there was simply no other way.

• Angie. Blue caste. Uuuh, yeah, the elimination method again, I suppose? At first, I considered gold blood to maintain the original palette, but Angie has a blue caste psycho vibe to me. Damn, she's brainwashed half the class at some point! What else could it be but minor mind control? Also, Angie is quite bossy, feels at ease, and has the markings of a dominant personality (oh, the Love Hotel scene...). Blue caste suits her.

• Tsumugi. So, okay, given all her statements about her being "plain" and "nonexistent," it would seem that she should have been given low blood. But listen to this: she BULLIES MIU!

...okay, this might not be entirely obvious, but Tsumugi often makes all sorts of sarcastic comments about the other characters, most of which you can only notice if you replay V3 with knowledge of the plot. Her tweaks towards Miu are more noticeable, though, and considering that Miu herself is an indigo blood, it goes down well. Tsumugi is high-blooded enough to tease the indigo troll, saying things like, "Hey, why is it that as soon as someone starts talking back to you, you immediately turn into such a wimp?" She's also high-blooded enough to ignore Kaede when she tries to talk to her at the beginning of the game. Her blue caste might be the reason the killing game worked out at all, considering how many mistakes Tsumugi made. Who knows, maybe she also created Flashback Lights with her psychic powers...

And... eh. I confess. I wanted to keep her in blue colors, in addition to all the above reasons, so I didn't really consider any other castes.

• Miu. Indigo caste, wow! Well, considering her behavior and the fact that no one had ever punched her through the entire game, it’s CLEARLY obvious. Only a high-blooded troll, a really high-blooded troll, could afford to be so rude to those much lower down. The funny thing is that she targeted low and mid-bloods more often: Kaede, Shuichi, sometimes Himiko, Korekiyo, and Keebo. She didn’t bother, or almost didn’t, with Gonta, Kaito, and even COOPERATED with Kokichi—as if she had to, as if she were afraid of crossing the paths of those above her in caste. Also, Miu said she liked it when Kaede and Shuichi knelt before her...

You might ask—why not purple caste? Still, Miu’s strange behavior is a bit like that of a purple-blooded schizo, isn't it? Well... Firstly, there's nothing to suggest that Miu belongs to this weird purple cult. Secondly, Miu’s odd behavior when someone insults her gives us an interesting, almost Equius-like, God forgive me, “I'm superior to you, but I want to obey; it's SO WRONG but so arousing” conflict.

• Gonta. There was no reason to even try. I did have a stray thought, due to Gonta's nature and his connection to bugs, to place him in the bronze caste, but...no. Given his immense power and his lack of insanity like that of the purple-blooded trolls, you can't put him anywhere other than the indigo caste. Plus, he's from a noble family himself. And this ALSO creates a cool dynamic and adds interesting lore aspects to Homestuck!Gonta that I like VERY much and will definitely cover in other posts!!!!

• Kokichi. Oooh reeeally, who'd have thought? Of course he's purple-blooded! It's not that simple, though. Kokichi is definitely not a crazy purple cultist like most members of the purple caste. We are going to be talking about that separately, and believe me, I will give this guy a lot of lore, because I freaking love him. There isn't much else to say–no other blood color suits him better.

• AND HERE WE ARE: VIOLET-BLOODED KAITO, WAT???? Okay, let me explain!

1. I have a headcanon that violet-bloods are not as obsessed with the hemospectrum as land trolls. This is due to the fact that they are mostly isolated, living in the sea. In that environment, there are only fuchsia caste above them, and no one below them Occasionally, rare purple-bloods get caught on the shores, but EVEN then, their status isn't significantly lower. They don't live in a society where lower-bloods are constantly stigmatized and killed for no reason. They simply don't have any possibilities to "grow" those oppressive, rigid attitudes. Eridan shows this well: no matter how much he talks about hating land dwellers, he always interacts with other trolls on almost equal footing—for example, by hitting on everyone and asking Karkat for advice.

2. Kaito has strong leadership skills and a desire to guide, mentor, and support others. He stands up for Kaede, takes Shuichi under his wing, and protects Maki. This demonstrates the attitude of a strong leader willing to take responsibility. It seems very reasonable for an intelligent, thoughtful violet who knows that he is in a position of authority and must be relied upon. He can't afford to appear weak. No wonder he hasn't told anyone about his illness...

3. He conquered the sea... AND CAME TO LAND!!! All these stories about Kaito in Homestuck could become TRUE if he really is a troll with access to EVERYTHING. Fight a pirate king? Hell yeah! And he WANTS to go into space! Maybe not to enslave worlds, but to get off the planet and pilot a ship—why not? He has nothing to fear, unlike many other trolls, as he'd literally be in charge, with only the Empress above him. But back to his travels: tired of his life at sea, Kaito could just go and explore the land, and nothing can stop him. No other troll but a sea troll could afford to do that (although land trolls shouldn't go to sea).

4. Kaito is daring. And combative. He is pretty much the only one in the class who has no problem expressing his displeasure to Kokichi (a purple blood!) regularly and hitting him. Kaito is generally capable of aggression (I shudder to think how Shuichi must have felt when he was punched—minus another protagonist?) and emotion, which is also characteristic of the highblood. Even when he tries to stop Kokichi at the end, he's probably the only one who can do so after Gonta and Miu was killed.

5. COLOUR SCHEME. Let's just leave him with a beautiful violet. Especially as a highblood, he has every right to dress up. Even a star coat :з

Aaand yeah that's it! It has been a bit of a journey, hasn't it? Gosh, I'm really embarrassed. If you made it to the end, I love you guys so much!!!! I hope you enjoyed it!!! I'll develop this thread if there's minimal feedback and people are interested. And, uh, if you have any questions or anything, go for it. Questions help develop this whole thing.

TRANSLATION PREPARED BY MY FAVORITE WONDERFUL FRIENDS SUNSHINES I LOVE YOU WITHOUT YOU THIS WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU <33333

[mine-fujiko]

A possible timeline for the original manga and Lupin Zero (both set in the 60s), part 1 and the Koikeverse (both set in the 70s).

First of all let me say that imo for certain characters the less we know about them the better, because a bit of mystery always adds layers to a character while knowing *everything* or even a specific background would only be detrimental to the character itself. That’s why after watching TWCFM we know about Fujiko nothing more than what we already knew before. She remains a mystery and that’s how it should be. These characters have been around for many years and their files have consistently been like age: unknown, nationality: unknown, etc.

Having said that there are certain things that can be considered, more or less, canonical, especially in a franchise that goes back to almost 60 years now where a continuity work is made possible by the original material being easily accessible.

What I like best in Lupin Zero, for instance, is that they basically lifted entire chapters from the manga, confirmed Lupin and Jigen being friends since a long time and set their age as peers. To note that Lupin often calls his friend “Jigen-kun”, which would suggest either them being the same age or Jigen being younger than Lupin. Imo they as friends go back even further (“we grew up together”) but obviously making them kids on the verge of adolescence instead of say 6 years old brats was for a more interesting and better storytelling.

So they met at a young age at school, became friends, then they parted ways because they’re still kids and have families who decide for them. At least Jigen has since apparently he has a father, a brother and a sister. So let’s say they go back to the States and Lupin and Jigen lose touch as it often happens in real life. Meanwhile Lupin stays in Japan, finishes school, gets into University and starts being active in the family business.

More or less around the time when Jigen joins the mercenaries still at a very young age following his father. Then his professional curriculum seems to go from mercenary to sniper, then to professional killer for the underground criminality, but since I guess he didn’t particularly like the killing business or obeying orders either he decided to get away from that by taking up bodyguard jobs, thinking that would entail less killing people and less troubles. * So now he’s a bodyguard but still in the criminal world, he hoped for no troubles but then people like Cicciolina happen and troubles keep following wherever he goes. He finds himself being hunted down by the mafia, by old enemies who want revenge or simply to eliminate him just to prove they’re the best hit on the market. He says a big FU all and decides for a change of life again by doing something different for a living and becomes a thief.

* That’s where the Koikeverse insert itself in the timeline, meaning between Lupin Zero and prior to/alongside Part 1.

The ‘first’ meeting between Lupin and Jigen that happens in the 5th episode of TWCFM could easily be their first meeting ever but it could also be two old friends who haven’t seen each other for let’s say 10 years. They’re adult now and their aspect has changed and they meet under a pyramid in the dark. So it’s very likely that they don’t recognise each other at all. Nothing prevents them though to have an epiphany later on, sort of going like “wait, you’re that Lupin/that Jigen I was at school with?” and so on… and from then I can see them rekindling their old friendship. That is if you want the Koikeverse to match the timeline, being it set in the 70s.

As far as Goemon introduction goes we have what happens in Part 1 that is exactly what happened in the original manga, so I don’t know how fitting the Koikeverse could be in this case. It has to be said though that their first meeting in TWCFM is a fight between Jigen and Goemon when they both are under the influence of a hallucinogen drug so they don’t see each other’s face (they see the silly owls!) while Goemon’s Bloodspray could be set right after they just met in part 1 and Goemon is still a killer as his master trained him to be.

[yamayuandadu]

What is your opinion on the article "Mesopotamian or Iranian? A New Investigation on the Origin of the Goddess Anāhitā" by Alireza Qaderi?

He proposes that Anahita is possibly the syncretism of an Iranian Water goddess with Annunitum, and while it largely makes a lot of sense to me, especially with how it points out that we can't treat the Avesta as we know it as identical to the Avesta in Zarathustra's time, it also assumes the Central Asian goddess Ardokhsho comes from Aredvi Sura instead of Arti, and everything else I've seen just says Ardokhsho comes from Arti, although I haven't seen much literature on either deity tbh

Sorry it took me a few days to answer this ask even though it’s basically laser focused on my interests. I had some other stuff to read and unpleasant work duties to perform and couldn’t properly go through the recommended paper.

My feelings about the paper are mixed. I think anyone who remembers Annunitum was a distinct deity as early as in the late third millennium BCE deserves at least some credit. The notion of interchangeability of goddesses still haunts the field, fueled by Bible scholars, Helsinki hyperdiffusionists and the like. Overall the author shines in the sections dedicated only to the evaluation of the broadly Iranian material, but as soon as the focus switches to Mesopotamia things fall apart, sadly. More under the cut. Hope you don’t mind that I’ll also use this as an opportunity to talk about Annunitum in Sippar in general. I've been gathering sources to improve her wiki article further (don’t expect that any time soon though). 

The Iranian material

Criticizing the vintage attempts at equating Anahita with Sarasvati is sound and sensible. Same with stressing that she is distinct from Nanaya and Oxus. The criticism of theories depending on lack of familiarity with the historical range of the beaver was a nice touch too, it demonstrates well that the author wanted to cover as much previous literature as possible. However, I also have no clue what’s up with “ΑΡΔΟΧΡΟ has an ambiguous relationship with Arədvī Sūrā”, I’ve also only ever seen this name explained as a derivative of Ashi/Arti save for a single paper trying to force a link to Oxus which was met with critical responses. It’s entirely possible this is an argument I simply haven’t seen though, I’m also not really familiar with this matter.

Overall the arguments against seeking Anahita’s origin in the east are perfectly sensible, and line up with the evidence well - no issues at all with this part of the paper. Following a more detailed list of Anahita’s easter attestations from Shenkar’s Intangible spirits and graven images. She appears on some Kushano-Sasanian coins, but this seems to reflect importing her from the west relatively late on since she appears in neither Kushan nor Bactrian sources. The coins are even exclusively inscribed in Middle Persian, with no trace of the local vernacular. 

For unclear reasons Anahita caught on to a degree even further east in Sogdia, but attestations are limited to the period between fourth and sixth centuries. Since they’re largely just generic theophoric names, it is hard to call her anything but a minor deity of indeterminate character in this context, though. I’ve seen the argument that the popularity of Oxus in the east might have been the obstacle to introducing her. Oxus was a bigger deal in Bactria than in Sogdia so it could even explain why Sogdians were slightly more keen on her, arguably, even if they and Bactrians came into contact with her cult under similar circumstances.

Back to the article, the section dealing with the western attestations starts on a pretty strong note too. The need for reevaluation if it’s fair to talk about Achaemenid rulers as “Zoroastrian” is a mainstay of studies published over the past 10-15 years or so. I can’t weigh on the linguistic arguments because I know next to nothing about that.

I’m not sure if I follow the argument that it makes no sense Iranian population wouldn’t need a royal order to start worshipping a new deity as long as they were Iranian, tbh - linguistic or cultural affiliation doesn’t come prepackaged with automatically updated list of deities one is obliged to instantly adopt as soon as they pop up into existence. Following this logic, why didn’t Sargon’s Akkadian speaking subjects in Syria just adopt Ilaba before being obliged to do so? You will find literally hundreds of cases like this, it’s a very weird argument to me.

The Mesopotamian material

The biggest problems start once the coverage of Mesopotamia begins. The rigor evident in the strictly Iranian sections of the article just… vanishes and it’s incredibly weird. Herodotus as a source is… quite something. The phrase “ a goddess with a Semitic character” is… well, quite something too (Reallexikon generally advises against defining anything but languages as “Semitic” in Mesopotamian context - Mesopotamian is a perfectly fine label to use, and accounts for the fact that Sumerian, Hurrian and Kassite are not a part of the Semitic language family). It keeps repeating later and admittedly I’m not very fond of this. Especially when it pertains to the west of Iran, where deities originating in Mesopotamia were worshiped since the late third millennium BCE - they were more Elamite than Mesopotamian by the time Persians showed up, really. The matter is covered in detail in Wouter Henkelman’s Other Gods who Are with Adad in the Persepolis Fortification Archive as a case study.

Cybele was by no means Mesopotamian (with each new study she keeps becoming more strictly Phrygian, with earlier Anatolian, let alone Mesopotamian, influence becoming less and less likely) so I'm not sure what she's doing here, Nanaya’s associations with lions is almost definitely an Iranian innovation and not attested before the late first millennium BCE; despite earlier sound arguments against ascribing strictly Avestan Zoroastrian sensibilities to people in the late first millennium BCE, that’s basically what happens here. Lions were evidently viewed favorably by at least some Persians and especially Bactrians and Sogdians.

The less said about the part trying to link evidence from Palmyra to Inanna and Dumuzi (what does a marginal spouse deity like Dumuzi, entirely absent from Palmyra, have to do with Sabazius, a veritable pantheon head equated with Zeus?), the better. Frazerian bit, if I have to be honest.

I’m not sure about the enthusiasm for Boyce’s argument that it makes little sense for Anahita to simultaneously be a river goddess and to bestow victory in battle. The latter characteristic lines up well with her elevation to the position of a deity tied to investiture of kings, which in turn is something which boils down to personal preference of a given dynasty. The character of deities isn’t necessarily supposed to be one-dimensional and having distinct spheres of activity because of historical factors is hardly unusual.

Stressing that it’s not possible to treat Anahita and Ishtar as interchangeable is commendable. However, I don’t think it’s possible to claim continuity between the religious beliefs reflected in the relief of Anubanini and first millennium BCE Media. The argument is not pursued further, to be fair, but it’s still weird.

The next huge issue is the treatment of the late “Anu theology”. A good recent overview of this matter can be found in Krul’s 2018 monograph (shared by the author herself here).

For starters, it’s completely baffling to declare Anu had no spouse at first; Urash and Ki are both attested in the Early Dynastic period already - and the former appears reasonably commonly in this role in literary texts and god lists. Even Antu might already be present in the Abu Salabikh list.

Attributing Inanna prominence in Uruk and in the Eanna in particular to identification with Antu is utterly nightmarish and one of the worst Inanna takes I’ve ever seen; the fact it’s contradicted by information of the same page makes it pretty funny, admittedly. Inanna’s ties to the city go back literally to the beginning of recorded history (some of the oldest texts in the world are demands aimed at cities under the control of Uruk to provide offerings for Inanna ffs), and probably even further back. Meanwhile, Anu for most of his history was an abstract hardly worshiped deity; Krul stresses this in the beginning of her book linked above. I’m not a fan of ancient matriarchy takes which are often lurking in the background when the cases of earliest city goddesses like Inanna, Nisaba and Nanshe are discussed but I do think the need to downplay Inanna’s prominence and elevate Anu which pops up every few years in scholarship is suspect and probably motivated by sexism, consciously or not, tbh. 

Trying to make the “Anu theology” which developed in the late first millennium BCE an influence on the entirety of Mesopotamia and beyond is puzzling. Sabazius appearing in Palmyra with a spouse is tied to Anu, somehow? The fact that deities had spouses is? Atargatis ties into this somehow? I’m sorry, but I’m not following. Also, Uruk was no longer a theological center of the Mesopotamian world in the first millennium BCE. Babylon was, and before that Nippur. There is no need to speculate, there are thousands of texts to back it up. The late sources from Uruk in particular show that Babylon was somewhat forcefully influencing the city, not the other way around.

The Anu theology was a display of local “nationalism” of Uruk and had a very limited impact. There is evidence for some degree of late theological cooperation between Uruk and Nippur, and possibly Der as well (Der itself despite being located with certainty has yet to be excavated, though, so caution is necessary), but nothing of this sort is to be found in the late sources from other locations.

Annunitum = Anahita?

Finally, let’s look at the core idea behind the article.

Right off the bat I feel it’s necessary to stress Annunitum generally wasn’t regarded as an astral deity. In the Old Babylonian period, the Venus role was evidently handled by Ninsianna in Sippar; later on they aren’t even attested there but the regular Ishtar is. Seems doubtful it would actually be Annunitum who got to be an astral deity there at any point in time.

This claim is also highly dubious. There is no evidence that Antu was ever worshiped in Sippar, let alone that she was equated there with Annunitum; she doesn’t show up at all in Jennie Myers’ 2002 thesis The Sippar pantheon: a diachronic study. Paul-Alain Beaulieu stresses her lack of importance all across Mesopotamia save for first millennium BCE Uruk here. There is also no evidence that the late Anu theology impacted Sippar in any capacity. Shamash retained his position in the city until the death of cuneiform. Even in Uruk, Annunitum in the late sources appears only in association with Ishtar and Nanaya, not Anu and Antu. I will repeat how I feel about the need to assert Anu’s importance where there is no trace of it. Overall it feels like unrelated Mesopotamian and adjacent sources from different areas and time periods are used indiscriminately; which is ironically the criticism employed in the article wrt the treatment of Iranian textual sources by other researchers. The Assyriological sources employed leave a bit to be desired, too. In particular Abusch’s Ishtar entry in the Dictionary of Deities and Demons in the Bible is a nightmare (he’s good when he covers incantations but his broader “theological” proposals are… quite something), here are some quotes from it to show how awful it is is a central point of reference:

Of the other authors cited, Jacobsen is Jacobsen and a lot changed since the 1960s. Roberts was criticized right after his study was published by researchers like Aage Westenholz. Langdon’s study from the early 1900s is an outdated nightmare, I guess we know what’s up with the Dumuzi hot takes now. Beaulieu is great but his papers and monographs aren’t really utilized to any meaningful extent, I feel. 

Other criticisms aside, I’m unsure if Annunitum was important enough in the fifth century BCE to be noticed by Artaxerxes II as postulated here, especially since Shamash was right next door and definitely retained some degree of prominence. Most if not all cases of Mesopotamian deities influencing Persian or broader Iranian tradition reflect widespread cults of popular deities - Nanaya, Nabu (via influence on Tishtrya), Nergal (in the west, around Harran) - as opposed to a b-list strictly local deity. And it’s really hard to refer to Annunitum differently. Let’s take a quick look at her position in the twin cities of Sippar - as far as I am aware, the most recent treatment of this matter is still Myers’ thesis, and that’s what I will rely on here. 

Annunitum is first attested in Sippar in the Old Babylonian period, during the reign of Sabium, though as a deity already locally major enough to appear in an oath formula alongside Shamash. In the Early Dynastic period Sippar-Amnanum was likely associated with an enigmatic figure designated by the logogram ÉREN+X who doesn’t seem to be related to her. When and how exactly the tutelary deity change occurred is not presently possible to determine and admittedly of no real relevance here.

Evidently Annunitum’s cult in Sippar was influenced to some degree by the Sargonic tradition she originated in, her temple was even called Eulmaš just like that in Akkad. It’s not impossible it was even originally founded by one of the members of the Sargonic dynasty, but in absence of pre-OB evidence caution is necessary. There is no shortage of later rulers who wanted to partake in the Sargonic legacy, after all. By the earliest documented times, it was the second most important temple in the Sippar agglomeration, and the only one beside the Ebabbar to have its own administrative structure. Annunitum was even referred to as the “queen of Sippar” (Šarrat Sippar; note that by the Neo-Babylonian period this title came to function as a distinct goddess, though). In Sippar-Amnanum there was a street, a gate and a canal named after her. A bit over 6% of the inhabitants of both cities bore theophoric names invoking her, also. Sippar-Amnanum was abandoned for some 200 years after the reign of Ammi-saduqa, but it seems the clergy simply moved to the other Sippar next door. Next few centuries are very sparsely documented at this site, but supposedly Shagarakti-Shuriash rebuilt Annunitum’s temple (the matter is discussed in detail here).

Inscriptions of Tiglath-pileser I dealing with the conquest of northern Babylonia affirm that Annunitum continued to be viewed as the goddess of Sippar through the Neo-Assyrian period. According to an inscription of Nabonidus her temple, and Sippar-Amnanum as a whole, were razed by Sennacherib (he also blames “Gutians” for it though by then this is a label as generic as “barbarian”). This might be why her cult had to be relocated to the other part of Sippar again. In the Neo-Babylonian period it returned to Sippar-Amnanum under Neriglissar, though her temple was only rebuilt by Nabonidus. It survived at least until the reign of Darius, though it was only a small sanctuary (É.KUR.RA.MEŠ) like those of Adad and Gula.

There is very little evidence for popular worship of her so late on: only two theophoric names have been identified…. For comparison, Shamash appears in 208 (out of 823 theophoric names, out of a total of 1243 total). Nergal, Gula, Adad and even Amurru are all more common.  Aya is also absent, but unlike Annunitum despite her prominence in earlier periods she was actually never common in theophoric names, save for the names of naditu; and naditu ceased to be a thing after the OB period.

Offering lists complicate the matter further. From the reign of Nebuchadnezzar, Annunitum started to lose ground to a duo introduced from Dur-Kurigalzu: a manifestation of Nanaya associated with this city and Ishtar-tashme. Why they suddenly appeared in Sippar and why they overshadowed Annunitum is uncertain, perhaps Dur-Kurigalzu just failed to recover from decline after the end of the Kassite period and eventually the decision was made to start transferring local deities to other nearby major urban centers. The process reversed during the reign of Nabonidus, who ordered an increase in offerings made to her. This might’ve been motivated by his general concern for Sin and any deities considered members of his immediate family - essentially, a display of personal devotion. This elevation is still evident in offering lists from the reign of Cyrus, though.

Overall the paper is quite convincing - outstanding, even - when it comes to the Iranian material alone, and between mediocre and nightmarish once the author shifts to Mesopotamia.

[batsplat]

thoughts on the latest casey interview? it’s so funny because I keep seeing people posting different excerpts of it on here depending on which guy they like lol

well, first off, this is how I found out there IS a new casey interview. I did have a quick dig around whether I could un-paywall the original but. no luck. so I'm basing this on the write up in mowmag - which passes the test in that, unlike certain websites, it actually addresses multiple things casey said on different topics. so hopefully isn't just the most clickbait-y material and is a relatively exhaustive summary of the stuff he said. no cherry picking on THIS blog

anyway, my main takeaway is that it's probably for the best that the casey/valentino relationship doesn't get TOO warm, because if you ever put these two on a podcast together the resulting material could level continents. I still stand by my belief that these two could have co-hosted an all time great conspiracy theorist youtube show in another life. what a pair of guys

my other takeaway is that, despite working for them as a test rider AND a rider coach, casey still very obviously has NOT forgiven ducati. the grudges he's airing by proxy in this interview!! spectacular. with all athletes but ESPECIALLY casey, it's always healthy practise to just keep in mind the actual context of their careers when reading their mouthing off about the current sport. because sometimes they will be fighting yesterday's battles... this is a man who still has enough bones to pick with motogp to disassemble the whole skeleton

I'll follow the order of the interview provided by the mowmag piece:

“I know the company,” says Stoner, referring to Ducati and answering a direct question about the possibility that in Borgo Panigale they might decide to ‘sabotage’ Martin’s eventual victory, “and I know what they are willing to do to win. I’m surprised I haven’t seen it before, or maybe it happened and Jorge was good at overcoming it ” In short, Stoner goes so far as to say that Ducati might have already put a spoke in Martin’s wheels, but that the young Spaniard was still able to be stronger than any obstacles created. With Ianieri pointing out to the Australian, however, how much Dall’Igna insisted that it will be real sport and there will be no games. “That’s what Gigi thinks. But then there’s Ducati and they don’t want to see the number one go. But everyone is watching them very carefully, if they make a mistake like that we’ll see it. If they create a problem it will backfire on them. I hope that everything goes smoothly and that we can see the real world champion.”

do you know what an absolute nightmare it would be if martin has a mechanical dnf in the catalunya ii sunday race. something which can of course HAPPEN, pecco's had more mechanical gremlins than jorge this year. but obviously that wouldn't stop anyone from losing their minds

this is just so extremely casey. I laughed when I read it. of course he's been thinking about how ducati will probably sabotage martin since jorge's exit to aprilia was announced. of course he thinks ducati would pull off something shady to keep the number one plate in house. I love the idea that ducati HAS been sabotaging jorge but they've just been like, extremely shit at it. look at him saying that he KNOWS ducati and thinks they SUCK... an opinion he is completely justified in holding - ducati did not do right by him in 2009, and those wounds also still show in some of his other responses in this interview. but, y'know. if ducati was going to sabotage jorge, quite frankly they would already have done so. it's just a little late for this, isn't it. what are they even going to DO, stick a pin in jorge's tyres?

readers familiar with casey's oeuvre should be drawing a fairly obvious parallel at this stage - given that this is not the first time casey has dabbled in a light dash of conspiracism where title deciders are concerned. here are the two versions of his book concerning what happened at valencia 2006:

will never get over how casey was fighting the good fight for valentino's tenth in 2013 icl. early adopter

back then, casey was blaming the 'commercial interests' of Big America for sabotaging the most popular rider in the history of the sport - until Big Dorna sniped him and forced him to remove the 'commercial interests' line in the paperback version. (to be clear: this is a joke, there's no indication anyone from dorna had a chat with him, it's just funny that his stance ever so slightly softened between versions but then he did also add the wonderful 'welcome to my world' line.) it's perfectly reasonable to believe that valentino had a dud tyre in 2006 valencia and broadly tracks with what he himself says about the race, somewhat less reasonable to believe They were actually out to get him. valentino was very unlucky throughout 2006, yes, but... people are unlucky sometimes

anyway, I don't actually want to relitigate 2006 here, but I DO love his paranoid streak and how like... y'know, there's always the danger he's mellowed in his time away from the sport, he's certainly less tightly strung these days... but yup, he's still got that in him. still that guy

from a longer post about the similarities between valentino/casey, reckon this is one of the things I've written about the pair of them that holds up the best:

it is completely unsurprising that jorge martin's plight has struck a chord with casey, who himself always had a chip on his shoulder and was more than happy to use said chip to motivate himself. both jorge and pecco have a fair bit of casey in their competitive dna, which does show in how casey talks about both of them - martin perhaps with a bit more of lorenzo's brashness mixed in versus pecco having more of valentino's cunning... plus his contrarianism (which casey is no stranger to either). if we're already drawing alien parallels. just always that slight sense that they feel SOMEONE is out to get them, that they're never being given a fair hearing... again. chip on the shoulder

then there's this bit -

Calling it a very powerful attack is almost an understatement, with Stoner not being light on Ducati even when he comments on the decision to entrust the official bike to Marc Marquez for next season. “They could have made sure that he would settle for an official bike in a private team” – he thundered.

- which we're going to circle back to. I do love how casey's switched from going to an italian newspaper to launch an extended attack on valentino rossi to going to an italian newspaper to launch an extended attack on ducati. critical levels of support

So how will it end in Barcelona? Casey Stoner doesn't give his prediction, but limits himself to an icy comment: "I think Jorge deserves the title, and that he is in the position to win it. Pecco will do everything to be champion and Ducati would like to keep the number one. Everything could go smoothly, or there could be great chaos "

given how dud tyres have been a big theme in both 2023 and 2024's title battle, 'slightly odd jorge crash helped along by slightly odd michelin tyre' just feels like. such a plausible scenario. that could easily make everyone lose their minds. honestly, even if jorge crashes on his own and just says his bike felt weird afterwards, whether it's true or not. it'd be chaos, yeah. and casey will be THERE no matter what

If from the point of view of the show everything is more exciting, from the point of view of the rider who has raced, won and suffered in the difficult world of MotoGP, in this 2024 we are also witnessing a great injustice. "For me the World Championship should be as always: on Sunday - adds Stoner, stating himself openly against the Sprint and against the new MotoGP format - If you make a mistake you have lost an opportunity, now you have two. And then it doesn't allow you to really work on the set-up, because the only concern is getting into Q2. The system doesn't work for me, you can see it from the abysmal gaps. It might be there every now and then, like in Formula 1, but every weekend is not necessary. We have seen what Pecco has done in the last three seasons, the growth is constant. Ducati's results are always better, but in comparison with the others he is the one who wins the most. You can't belittle him, they are real victories, not Sprints. What he has done this year is impressive".

this bit I do agree with casey on, not because of what it's doing to this specific title fight and more just my general distaste for sprints. at some point this last year it's become received wisdom that pecco's sunday success is partly reliant on being able to do some trial and error in saturday sprints, so I found it interesting that oxley took a different stance in his sepang column:

I'm not sure I ENTIRELY agree on this (obviously I'm just basing this on vibes not actual expertise). even though obviously all riders do get this sprint data boost, I feel like it's fairly plausible pecco + his team make better use of it - just because there's better data, doesn't mean everyone is taking equal good advantage of it. then again, is there really any evidence that pecco is getting more out of it, beyond doing better in a format he's better at? as casey points out, it does mean you have way less time to faff about with set-ups, which pecco does like to do. there's also intangibles that might make the sprint experience advantageous to pecco on a sunday - for instance, I feel like his banger starts this year (remember when those were a thing) have tended to come on a sunday when he's already kinda figured out where to place himself in the pack. so maybe he does get something substantial out of having an extra race

that being said, I'm increasingly of the opinion that thinking pecco is ACTUALLY helped by the sprints - that the championship picture would be no different without them - is... kind of overthinking things. he's not good at the format. any marginal gains on a sunday he's getting from the sprint data just instinctively feel like they're probably not equal or more to what he's losing out in raw number of points through the sprints. it does feel like pecco's gotten better at sprints specifically in the second half of this year, so it's interesting to see if that carries through to next season... and look, none of this is to say jorge won't be a deserving champion - at the end of the day, you have to win the format you're playing. but yeah, I do reckon pecco would likely be champion without them

I've been curious for a while about casey's thoughts on the sprint format - I thought he'd be against it because of his luddite vibes as much as anything else, though I do also reckon the format wouldn't have been bad for him specifically as a rider. (if nothing else, it would've helped him in 2008, given he was fighting for the title against a rider you feel like would be TERRIBLE terrible terrible at this format. less time for set-up experimentation, softer grippier tyres and shorter races weighted towards qualifying/starting well? yeah say goodbye to that eighth.) anyhow, his reasoning checks out - part tradition, part the feeling that it's too forgiving of mistakes, part fucking up the structure of the weekend, part giving too little weight to 'real' wins... all very casey. casey was the type of rider who was always more about focusing on wins than championships - that you shouldn't settle for results just because your 'rivals' were behind you, for instance, that fighting for race wins comes first and the title will follow. here's a paragraph from a sachsenring 2012 write-up (where casey crashed on the penultimate lap while fighting dani):

obviously in the context of that particular title fight, it didn't end up mattering anyway because of the injuries casey would go onto sustain. but... well, casey's errors in the first half of 2012 would have put him in a tough position anyway - as dani proved, even once honda got on top of his chattering issues, reeling off victory after victory would not be enough to take the championship when jorge could just keep riding home to safe p2's. (and when dani in a disadvantageous points position pushed too hard in the penultimate round and crashed, it was game over, stop if this reminds you of anything.) the point is that pecco this year has played the race-win-or-bust role in a way that is probably instinctively quite appealing to casey - doesn't sit easily to watch the guy on ten wins lose the title. there'll probably always be elements of the slander pecco receives that resonate with casey... pecco's words getting misinterpreted by press and fans, pecco being called boring, pecco being called too crash-prone, unstable, bad at handling pressure... the two of them are plenty similar as characters, which is reflected in the type of criticism that tends to head their way. and pecco's stubborn resilience, a determination to motivate himself as a spite response to the doubt from others - well, that again is probably going to remind casey of himself

moving on.

Impressive, but not enough to win, with Jorge Martin now 24 points ahead, just one weekend away from the big dream, before the painful farewell. Casey Stoner is not easy on the market and Ducati's choices either. "If Ducati loses the world champion it will be a hard blow," he explained. " But I think it will be even harder for Martin, who has spent these years being loyal to Ducati I don't think it's right how it went. Unfortunately, it's the way Ducati works and that's why they've lost so many riders now. Marquez? In many ways I understand the decision, but it doesn't mean it's correct. When you have riders who give their all and stand out among the 22 on the track and someone arrives to take their place, I don't think it's right. I think Marc could have had a factory bike in another team. It wasn't fair for Bastianini and even more so for Martin."

yup, casey all over. of all the aliens, casey had the least hype surrounding him in the lower classes. he's... well technically I suppose valentino started in a satellite team and won his first title with one, but it was very much a ''''''satellite team'''''' - casey was the only alien to start his motogp career in a satellite satellite. a proper one. he KNOWS what it's like to not be the first choice for ducati!! if melandri had gotten out of his gresini contract to ride for factory ducati in 2007 (lol), casey could've been in real trouble even finding a seat. and he's a big believer in loyalty! casey was beyond disillusioned by the shit ducati pulled in 2009 - when they planted stories in the press that casey's diet and exercise routine was responsible for his mystery illness, big names openly criticising him during his absence... as well as of course how they aggressively courted jorge and offered him a way bigger salary than they paid casey, after telling casey they didn't have more money to pay him

it's that last bit that feels uncomfortable, right - like casey, martin threw in his lot with ducati, off the back of quite a contentious split with ktm to even get the pramac seat. like casey, martin has now repeatedly been looked over - and like casey, his ultimate split with ducati is the result of ducati favouring the golden boy. (while lorenzo obviously didn't join ducati at that time, this was ultimately still one of the big reasons why casey walked away after 2010.) unrewarded loyalty... hey, I suppose him and valentino actually agree on this, yeah. ducati has spent so much time cultivating its young talent before showing themselves ready to ditch them all for the big name. and it IS how ducati works, they really AREN'T particularly loyal. all these years later and they're still just the same, as far as casey's concerned

Ducati, therefore, as the central theme of the entire interview, but also as the favorite target of a Stoner who on the one hand seems to make very clear analyses, but on the other also appears to be someone with a decidedly poisoned tooth, given that even when asked about his future in the Team Lenovo garage he lets many doubts shine through on the management that Borgo Panigale will be able to have of two champions like Bagnaia and Marquez. “It depends on how Ducati behaves - he concluded - I think that Pecco, mentally, is strong enough to face the situation, it will be a question of seeing who Ducati wants to protect the most. For sure, the two will try to create chaos in the team to make things go in one direction or the other. We will see how Ducati manages the situation and who they choose. They will have to be as balanced as possible or it will be a problem”.

(incidentally, I love the italian 'poisoned tooth' term for having a grudge, it's so evocative. lots of poisoned teeth in motogp)

casey's confidence that there's going to be pecco/marc drama... he's so real for this. I've been wavering in my own confidence a little bit, wondering whether pecco/marc might not end up massively disappointing me, but casey's coming through for me here. unsurprisingly casey's going to implicitly relate more to pecco in that particular dynamic... in general, it's nice how complimentary casey is of pecco, even while summoning locusts upon ducati. just on a personal note, I never particularly enjoy when retired athletes play into narratives about how much worse the current competitors are... it's mean-spirited, generates dumb discourse and also feels rather undignified. so, y'know. always pro-glazing the current lot

in terms of what casey says specifically... obviously there's the ten wins thing, which casey unlike much of the fanbase does understand isn't something a mid rider can pull off, and then there's the line about pecco being mentally strong enough to go up against marc. I've talked before about the similarities between pecco and casey before, which obviously is also relevant here... casey faced accusations of being unstable and unreliable and too sensitive throughout his career, starting well before his path crossed with valentino's. too crash prone, a choker, too easy to rattle. and then they come up against a rival with a reputation for mind games, who many seem to expect will be able to 'break' them. whatever pecco's on-track success will be next year, there's no real indication that casey's wrong here - for all that the pair of them are high strung and ever so slightly neurotic, both casey and pecco have repeatedly exhibited real resilience and self-belief. idk, again, it's fun how both the current title contenders do have quite a few casey-coded characteristics. love casey-coded characteristics

The reference is clearly to Honda, with the Australian explaining the Japanese's major crisis in this way. "It's hard to get an idea from the outside," he said, "but I think it was convenient to have the three European manufacturers at the top, with the Japanese slipping to the bottom. I don't think that in Japan they suddenly don't know how to build a winning bike anymore. The Europeans are very creative and make everything happen faster, but they're not as refined as the Japanese. And with such fluid rules, everything is easier for the former. With Albesiano, Honda will try to add creativity and speed up operations. It will be interesting."

pretty sure I've said this before, but one of casey's funniest traits is gesturing vaguely in the direction of a substantive accusation without quite spelling it out. does he think dorna is sabotaging japanese manufacturers? is the system rigged against them?? for WHOMST is it convenient, wHO are you accusing of what? I'm not even saying he's WRONG about all of these things, sometimes conspiracies are real, I wouldn't know either! I just think it's great how this is his go-to reaction. always looking for that shadowy influence secretly protecting the anointed and sabotaging the unfavoured. the bit about more fluid rules favouring the europeans is interesting and I'd like to hear more about that theory, but obviously that wouldn't necessarily mean this was the intended consequence of said rules. does feel like casey's implying that though! come on casey, tell me more

anyway. this has been my take on casey's newest contribution to the discourse. I can be accused of many things, but not of lacking casey stoner opinions. that's my little guy

[youreonyourown-kid]

So I read Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire! Some thoughts:

This is actually a reread I originally read it when I was waaaay too young

MelenaxTurtleHeartxFrex 4ever

Throuple ahead of its time really

All the sex stuff was definitely weird to me when I was young but with so much fanfiction under my belt it was way less scandalous than I remember. And not as well written.

Yeah that includes the tiger scene I’ve read furry visual novels what do you want from me

I think Fiyero should be Black? Or did I read that wrong?? I feel like they described him a few times as ‘dark skinned’? But I think one time it said ‘diamond skinned’ (?) but like… if that had been the case I’d think more people would bring up the white washing in the musical/movie

They only spend like…half of the book in school. I haven’t seen the musical or movie yet. But because the length of the movie I wonder if we’ll get them outside of school more

I hope so mostly because the people complaining about the ages of the actresses need to be quiet

I like Elphaba. But I feel like her spiraling at the end seemed rushed. Because it’s her story; I wish we had gotten more time in her perspective.

Elphaba and Galinda were in LOVE

I know the musical is way different but im really curious about how Jeff Goldblum will play the wizard. He has that kinda weirdo charm/coolness to him that I don’t think fits any with the character of the wizard in any other iteration.

Overall it was…interesting. It held my attention. I’m glad we got the OG musical out of it; because if a movie had come out in the early 2000s based on that material I can’t imagine it having nearly the same impact.

[the-nosy-neighbor]

Old Gods Explained

As I was working on the next installment related to Julie, I realized that I may have skipped a giant step.

The concept I had in mind, which I may not have really explained, is the idea that we know religion is involved in WH, and while there have been hints at Christianity being involved, the idea of old gods is really interesting.  The concept is: Wally/Home have assembled old, neglected gods to renew themselves through the belief to be found in a tv audience. If you have read it, Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul, by Douglas Adams uses this idea (in relationship to Norse gods).  The internet says that lots of people have used this idea based on Terry Pratchett’s work.  I love Pratchett but didn’t really have a good time with Small Gods.  I think the beginning is difficult for me.  Here, their story is one about old gods not being gone, just forgotten.  These gods are fueled by belief in a lot of ways, so they are immortals, but not really immortals with god-like powers, if they aren’t sufficiently fed by belief. 

I was imagining the neighborhood as this kind of set up.  Wally is our main/head god (or Home, as I personally think Wally is an avatar for Home, in the mythological sense (“the material appearance or incarnation of a powerful deity, or spirit on Earth”)).  Note to self:  consider a god clone for Home.  Many of the characters do not remember where they originated or have vague memories of their start.  (For example, Poppy lived in a tree in the woods, and Odin was “born” from a tree.)  What if Home has pulled together forgotten deities and put them in this neighborhood, in order to pull belief from the kids, powering them up?  I want to say that Long, Dark or Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has an instance of a god that has transitioned from godhood to tv/film stardom.  Time to re-read.  Maybe even American Gods?  American Gods might focus on this heavily. 

Anyway, Wally/Home has pulled these old gods to a new location in order to build a celestial allstars team, gaining the attention and belief of people to push them to renewed vigor.  Because of this idea, I do think that it is highly possible that the gods are from different religious traditions.  I am not sure what the reasoning of the choices would be, but perhaps considering the options, a theme will emerge.  I have an early theory that Eddie is not a god; he is the only human in this setting, chosen so that he can make deliveries to the realm in which the TV show exists.  We haven’t gotten into Ronald Dorelaine too much as of yet, but this theory would make him a powerful being (and Home/Wally his avatar? Jim Henson appears to have thought of Rowlf as his stand-in/avatar, though most of us would choose Kermit).  But Wally does have the cross on his cufflink, so maybe it is the Christian god that he represents?  Religiosity would have been falling at the time this premiered. 

In general, it seems that religion began to fall off in the US in the 1900’s.  I don’t trust all the graphs that I briefly researched, because it serves some group’s needs to overstate rates of Christianity in the US, but these generally vibe with what I’ve read.

In this graph, we can see Protestantism taking a dive around the second World War.  Catholicisms has seen an increase, around the same time, slight increase in other, but there is a sharp increase in no religion starting around 1950 (from my studies, this is a reflection partially of a reaction to WWII, which really tested people’s concept of religion and the goodness of humans in general). 

This one is similar, but shows a bit further in the timeline, and none is continuing to outpace religion’s growth by far.

It does make sense in the timing that if gods were powered by belief, that right around this time is when they might start to worry. 

Now, we could probably write a book (and the podcasters for "Straight, White American Jesus" probably did, or at least will have some good episodes on it) on the rise of televangelism and its relationship to flagging religious belief in America. There is a history to the rise of televangelism in the US and it shows that televangelism really started taking off in the 60's and 70's (related to the big tent evangelist revivals of the previous few decades.)

Early depictions of Wally do tend to have an evangelist feel.

big hair, neckerchief, brown slacks

I couldn't find any good examples quickly, but see The Righteous Gemstones for examples, or maybe Jim Jones. The neckline is on point, but he'd be more in line with those other preachers in a blazer.

Fashion I pulled for another post, but this is of the time period.

Next time: More on televangelism in the 70's, finding out what elements of Wally we might find in these men.

OR

If I finish Frank's godhood, maybe that first.

[francarieq]

Do you want to tell me about palomian mythology? I haven’t heard anything about it before and I’m intrigued:)

AND YAP ABOUT IT? YES PLEASE!!

Palomian mythology is of course mythology of Ancient Paloma (Quirme). Paloma is also characterized as “The Land of the gods”—it was quoted as the first civilization and was separated by city states presumably: Argonia, Teroe (Teroona), Royli, Elunia and—the famous—Paloma. Paloma—as per palomian mythos—was a giant island (During the drifting of Pangea) that lay in where “point nemo” came to be. It was consumed by the waves a few thousand years after the Primordial Chaos.

(don’t mind my handwriting uhhhh)

Palomians—like all civilizations—had a language; collectively called “P’loakmi”. P’loakmi has two types:

- Standard Palomian- Mostly seen on artifacts and retrieved materials. (deciphered)

- P’loakmi (ORIGINAL)- The language of the gods and only the gods. Seen on ancient texts that were believed to be written by the gods of Paloma. (indecipherable)

[OKAY NOW THAT WE’VE GOT SURFACE LEVEL PALOMA WE CAN GO TO THE GODS OF PALOMA YEHAHH!??!!!]

——————

In the retrieved archives of Palomian Mythology (some of which were deciphered) held the story of creation. Though people weren’t sure if this was how the story actually went, because water damages, missing pages and hints of original P’loakmi made it hard for them to piece the information together.

With the little details we were given here was how the story presumably went:

Ci (Universe) gave birth to Sysr (god of the universe and creator of the gods). Sysr wanted to make another god to do his work for him so Sysr created Arif (the embodiment of the sun, god of the sun and time | “Giver of Life”). Sysr and Arif both worked together to create the stars, the planets, the galaxies and so on. Arif was tasked by Sysr to create life and he (Arif) obeyed.

Arif landed on the Earth (called “Ana’tenka” in earlier writings) back when the Earth was barren and knew only volcanoes and never ending flame. Arif looked around and was not happy with how Earth looked; that was when he realized why Sysr gave him such an important task—as to create life is to stop this kind of destruction. Arif went to work—Arif tried working with stone, with flames, he also tried working with something called “Sh’kalza” (we have no idea what that was but uhhhh), but none worked. Until Arif tried again; this time to his surprise it worked. Arif created a successful being able to sustain life, his name was Paloma, he was the first man to ever walk the Earth—well only for a few minutes—it didn’t take long for his creation in wither and die—knowing the state of the Earth during the time—Paloma burned and he screamed in agonizing pain, his body began blistering until Paloma dropped dead on Arif’s feet and let out a faint whisper as if to say “Why?”. Arif stared for a while—quite unamused—until he felt a distinct aura stand behind him. It was Vendetta (the god of death and the dead), the moment the first life drew their last breath it echoed throughout the cosmos and naturally death found its place in the universe as a silent being that remained the balance. That moment marked the official start of Palomian Mythology (named after the first creation of Arif).

Arif’s task wasn’t over and the last thing Arif wanted was to anger the god of the universe so he and Vendetta devised a plan. Arif—god of time and the sun, Vendetta—god of the death and dead merged their powers together to form a young goddess—no more than a baby. The universe stopped in a moment as if to marvel at the importance of the moment, the universe whispered in a hush voice “Azalea..”, Arif and Vendetta agreed—she was to be named Azalea. The moment Azalea set her little feet on the land—all those around her blossomed into beautiful flowers and grass. Arif and Vendetta were enchanted at what was happening—even a being so small can create such magnificent things. Azalea was the goddess of beauty and nature, the mother of all things alive.

When Arif and Vendetta showed Azalea to Sysr he was pleased. Sysr gave them the order to raise her into a more mature goddess for she will bring life to every corner of the universe once she was ready. She was viewed as Arif and Vendetta’s daughter in later tales. And everything followed with it—With the blossoming of the Earth there came the seas birthing Arnav (god of the sea and ocean), the last remnants of volcanoes birthing Cyrus (god of fire and the blaze), the winds singing a song ever so softly birthing Tece Kronos (god of winds and tamer of the howling winds).

We are not so sure how accurate the story is knowing that some pages are missing still yet to be found and deciphered—but I guess we have to work with what we have, no?

To enumerate:

PALOMIAN MYTHOS IS SOOO WEIRD GUYS I HAVE NO IDEA HOW IT WORKS SOMETIMES😭😭

[stormyoceans]

Have you seen GAP the series?? Personally I thought it was trash. So bad, but I heard they changed the script so many times so it was bound to happen. I didn’t watch Marvellous Dream but everyone says it was bad too. Now Loyal Pin is starting and I don’t want to give that a chance either. What the heck, Idol Factory? I’m not saying they’re masterpieces but their BLs are good. Why can’t they make good GLs?

i have indeed watched GAP but i have to admit that it’s hard for me to be as objective about this show as i usually try to be with all the media i consume, because while part of me KNOWS it’s not the best series, im also very fond of it for what it represented as the first fully fledged GL we’ve ever gotten

im also aware i tend to be more forgiving towards GLs compared to BLs, mostly because BL shows have been around for years and were allowed to sometimes be pretty bad as they experimented and tried things out, while as it often happens with women i feel like a lot of people expected GLs to be nothing short than perfect from the get go and refuse to allow even the smallest misstep

all this being said, my marvellous dream is you was definitely (and unfortunately) not a good show (albeit i did weirdly enjoy some parts of it), and if you already didn’t like GAP you for sure wouldn’t like mmdiy either, because sadly i think this series has all the flaws GAP had but magnified 10 times: the main pairing keeps running around in circle about the same misunderstandings over and over again, the miscommunication goes through the roof, the relationship is very unbalanced, there are way too many characters who are there just for the drama and aren’t given enough space or depth (people saying we only got crumbs for chainpun in we are, well, let me tell you….. it can be worse ;;;;;;;), the pacing is a mess, and im sure im forgetting something else too. there could have been one saving grace in my marvellous dream is you (the fantasy element), but even that was neither explored nor narratively used at all

what i think it’s interesting is that both series were adapted by novels from the same author, so i do wonder which of those issues are due to the original material and which ones are due to idolfactory itself, because while an adaptation can definitely try to fix certain things, it also depends on how much artistic license they can actually take (this is why im very curious to see how GMMTV is gonna adapt pluto and us, since they’re also stories from that author)

as for the loyal pin, i haven’t been able to start it yet (petition to get an extra day in the week just to watch my shows), however im really looking forward to finally be able to, because this time the original novel is from a different author, so im hoping it won’t have the same issues when it comes to the plot and the characters

so yeah, i do think that there are some stylistic choices that are very typical of idolfactory that they should probably revisit (for example, having a big cast and pretty long episodes), but when it comes to GL specifically maybe they just didn’t pick the best material (or the right one for them as a company), so i hope the loyal pin is gonna be their turning point and that future projects will get better and better!!!!!

[mooniwrites]

Borrowed love letters (snippet)

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x blacklatinafem!Reader

Summary: It’s your birthday and Lewis have a few surprises for you. WC: 687 Warnings: besides sickening sweet love and Lewis being a simp, none, I think.

Author note: I haven’t write anything in a very long time, so please be kind! Also, English is not my first language, and I’m not a 100% fluent in it, so I’ll probably have spilling/writing errors. Constructive (and kind) criticism is received and appreciated.

One of the downsides of dating a writer it’s that it doesn’t matter what I write, it’ll never compare to what you can come up, even in one of your ‘worst’ days, when -and I quote- “writers block is kicking your ass”. So that’s why I’m going to borrow the words of famous writers and poets to try to express my love for you, even though I know words aren’t enough to do so.

Today marks the day that you were brought to this world, a day in which the colors are more vibrant, the birds sing a little more and the sun hides because you outshine it.

Today I will give you 27 gifts, 26 to commemorate each year you have walked this earth, and 1 to celebrate the year you have shared with me (the first of many, I pray).

Today, I borrow the words of Kafka “in a way, you are poetry material; you are full of cloudy subtleties I am willing to spend a lifetime figuring out.”

The first gift is a Rothschild Slipper orchid, one of the most expensive and exotic orchids in the world. As a plant mom, I know that you’ll take amazing care of her (please wait for me so we can name it together). The reason of this being the first gift it’s because I know you have been looking for this orchid for years, and also the fact that it flowers every 15 years is a huge proof of patience, love, perseverance and resilience, all things that I link to you, to who you are. I still remember the afternoon where your parents told me about your birth, that you were born death and the doctors had to bring you back to life, how complicated it was and that you spent your first month of life in hospital. I’m glad that baby you was so stubborn and fought.

The second gift is a vintage cigarette holder. Because your soul feels like an old one, one that has seen and felt and cried a lot, and still maintains the kindness and naiveness of a young one. Your existence is an exquisite mix of contradictions, like a very aesthetic artifact that was originally designed for a purpose, but a dark skinned Latina woman that loves to cook while listen ballenato would stare at and wish that she could put those incredible gorgeous Florasis lipsticks (I also pray for the day that they become cruelty free baby).

The third gift is a reversible sapphire white 14K gold ring, just because as soon as I saw it I thought of you wearing and it was meant to be (don’t worry baby, that engagement ring is in the making).

The fourth gift is a rain cloud diffusor, I knew you have wanted one for months, but haven’t got it because you forgot, or you would rather buy something for someone else (because you are selfless like that).

At 5, you fell in love with what is still today your favorite animal: whales. I still remember the way your face got warm when you told me that at 5 you believed whales could come out of anywhere that had water, including rivers or puddles, so it’s only natural that your fifth gift it’s related to them. One of my most precious memories it’s almost frizzing myself to death in Alaska just to see whales doing their dance to eat, or as you would call it “the coolest breathtaking and most beautiful method” , I remember all the times you explained to me how whales do the bubble net fishing method, how they work like an orchestra, with the trumpeters, that swim deep and release air to form bubbles and group the shoal, then the one that call the rest so they can go to the surface and eat, while also singing to confuse the fishes, seeing you get excited hearing their songs, the way your eyes illuminated when they appeared right next to our boat, your tears of happiness because you couldn’t believe what you just witnessed warmed me up better than any jacket could.   And even that freezing winter in Alaska it was warmer than the ones I spent without you by my side.