#i haven’t even started it yet. just looked at the syllabus | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stanchett · 2 years ago

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Is it possible to write a fic about gwen from in fabric again? Reader shares a class with gwen and ends up sketching them a lot. Gwen has no idea why this person in their class keeps staring at them, till she finds a sketch that the reader accidentally forgot to place in their bag. Gwen figures it out and starts wearing more eyecatching outfits and sits wherever reader’s line of sight is. Reader is flustered yet inspired so more sketches and less listening to class. Then one day they get partnered for a project and gwen just mentions if they at least had an idea what the project is about since they were too busy making drawings of them? Sorry if it’s super specific, it’s all good if you change some details and make it more smutty or fluffy lol

Here it is!! This was a fun one, I’m glad it was so specific as it made it easier for me to get back into the swing of writing. I haven’t totally gotten back into the mindset of being home yet, so I hope this will suffice 😅 thanks to @deadtooth-taylor and @zephyr-is-tired for beta-ing, and thanks for the prompt, anon!!

Model

3k words

You were always an A student. Perfect GPA, loved by all of your teachers, and you were always seen as an overachiever. So when this beautiful stranger showed up to the first day of class, you were so caught off guard that you knew you would fail.

Her jet-black hair was what caught your attention first. Second was her height. She walked into the classroom ahead of you, and when she turned to take her seat, you had to keep from stopping in your tracks as your peers entered behind you. She was too preoccupied with readying her course materials to notice you, and for that, you were grateful. You clutched your notebook and pen a little closer to your chest as you walked past her, taking a seat in the row beside her and a couple of desks behind. A few minutes later, everyone else found their seats, and the professor shut the door to begin the class. You pulled out your syllabus, but had a difficult time following along as he read it aloud. You were too taken by the girl in the front row to care. The way she nonchalantly leaned on her elbow on the small desk only made her more attractive. You licked your lips as your eyes swept over her a final time, and opened to a blank page in your notebook. New pen in hand, you began to sketch.

——

Your only passion aside from your schoolwork was art, but you knew it was far from a promising career path, so you hung onto it as a hobby. That passion shone through as you drew the stunning woman before you, even if you couldn’t see her every detail from your chosen seat. Before you knew it, the professor was wrapping up the period, and your fellow students were standing from their desks and collecting their things. You snapped your “notes” shut and moved to stand. At that very moment, the girl in the front row glanced your way, and your breath froze in your lungs. Your eyes met hers and a smirk appeared on her lips before she looked away, tossing her bag onto her arm. You nearly fell back into your seat as she walked away, peeking over her shoulder a final time before she made her way out of the building.

You scrambled to pull yourself together, her blue eyes the only thing on your mind. If she was going to be taking this class with you, you’d be totally screwed.

——

Two weeks passed, and they were filled with stolen glances and brief encounters. Once on your way into the classroom, you nearly ran into her in your rush to get to your seat. You hurriedly apologized, but she didn’t say anything in response. Just shot you a cheeky grin before allowing you to enter the room before her. You could feel her eyes on you the whole way to your desk, but you dared not look up once you were seated. Her gaze both intimidated you and gave you the most ferocious of butterflies you had ever felt. You smiled to yourself upon remembering the way she looked at you, and freed your usual spiral-bound notebook from your bag before shaking away the memory. At this point you considered picking up a separate one for actual class notes, as this one was now a quarter of the way filled with doodles of the girl whose name you had yet to learn.

As your professor introduced the topic to be covered, you swore you heard him mention the word “project.” At that, your pen stilled, and you looked up to see him writing pairs of names on the whiteboard alongside a list of topics to choose from. Beside your own name in red dry erase marker was “Gwen,” and you said a silent prayer that it wasn’t the one person you had had your eye on for the majority of your time in class. As if she could read your mind, the girl turned around and raised her eyebrows at you, suggesting your suspicions were correct. You only blushed in reply.

Capping his pen, the professor turned to address the room, assigning all the pairs to partner up. You had a moment of panic before rising from your seat to take the now empty one beside Gwen, and pretended to busy yourself with arranging your things to avoid looking at her. You felt like a bug under a microscope at the way she studied you, and you could quickly feel your blush creeping up higher on your neck.

As soon as you were settled, she reached her hand out, and your eyes followed up the extension of her arm to meet her own, their bright blue tones just as piercing as you remembered. Your mouth ran dry, and she looked at you expectantly. After a beat of silence, she took it upon herself to make the first introduction.

“Gwen.” Was all she said, and her voice startled you back into the moment. It was deep yet gentle, only giving you more fuel for your crush on the woman. You shook her outstretched hand and told her your name in return, now slightly embarrassed at your hesitance. She eyed you up and down before flipping to a new page in her notes, allowing you to fully take her in without the fear of her judging your gaze. You weren’t quick enough to look away though, and she caught you staring as she looked up again. Her signature smirk overtook her features again, much like on the day you first saw her, and you were sure your cheeks were a deep shade of red by now.

“See something you like, y/n?” she teased, and you fought to keep your breathing under control. You were grateful the classroom was filled with chatter from your classmates, otherwise you would’ve been infinitely more embarrassed at her words, had anyone overheard.

“No- er, sorry…” you rushed to apologize, opening your own notebook to a fresh page. You were careful to turn past all the sketches you had of her; what would she think if she knew you spent nearly every class period drawing her?

“So, which topic are we choosing?” she asked, turning her gaze to the board to run down the list. Shit. You hadn’t been paying attention at all. You cursed internally at the way you had allowed yourself to become so distracted with the woman in front of you.

“Maybe… number 4?” You hoped you could BS your way through this and at least make it seem like you’d been paying a bit of attention. She turned back at your suggestion, uncapping her pen in preparation to discuss it with you.

You kept conversation with her surprisingly well, considering how intense her aura was. You could hardly meet her eyes as the two of you spoke, but having some background in the subject definitely aided in the conversation.

As the period came to a close, you found yourself disappointed as opposed to your usual relief to leave her presence. You shut your notes and the other students began filing out of the room, tossing your things quickly into your bag. You missed one thing, however; a page had torn free from your notepad, and drifted to the floor at Gwen’s feet. It was a drawing of her you had been working on for awhile, coming back to it when you were fed up with your smaller scribbles. She wordlessly scooped it up, noticing you were still preoccupied with gathering your belongings, and placed it in her own bag. She stopped in front of your desk before leaving, a knowing look in her eye as her fingers drummed on the wood.

“See you later, y/n.” she said, your eyes meeting hers once more. With a polite smile, you nodded eagerly as she turned to leave, finally releasing the breath you had been holding. You were definitely studying the textbook when you got back to your dorm.

——

You were already seated at your new place in the front row as the professor greeted the class, but Gwen had yet to show up. Lo and behold, in she walked just as he was taking attendance, fashionably late. Which was an understatement. Today, she wore a short black dress that hugged every curve, with a fluffy black sweater and heels to match. What really caught your attention though, was the thin black choker around her neck. The way it flexed around the muscles there was dizzying as she fought to catch her breath from hurrying into the classroom. She took her seat beside you and shot you a sweet smile before prepping her things for the lesson. You couldn’t resist the urge to look over at her, her choice of clothing suggesting she probably had somewhere to be after this.

After briefly addressing the class, the professor dismissed you to pair off and discuss your chosen topics for the remainder of class. You were now more nervous than ever to face Gwen, donning her full makeup and more revealing outfit that made your heart race. You shifted in your seat to turn in her direction, eyes glued to the floor. She noticed your hesitance to look her way, and craned her neck down to bring your eyeline back to hers with a playful smile.

“Is everything alright?” she asked, despite knowing exactly what she was doing. You offered her a shy smile and met her gaze at last, her flawless winged eyeliner accentuating her hypnotizing eyes. You couldn’t think of anything to say, so you just nodded with a hum.

“By the way… I think you dropped this last class,” she said as she handed you a folded piece of paper between her index and middle fingers. You didn’t need to open it to know what it was. You could see your pen marks through the thin sheet. You felt your cheeks tinge pink, which had become a habit when you were around Gwen, and grabbed it from her. You noticed the bleed of a marker’s ink in the corner, but didn’t dare unfold it should anyone be looking over your shoulder. You slipped it into the cover of your notebook and shut it again, muttering a quick “thanks” under your breath.

Gwen was watching you intently with her chin resting in her palm, that damned smirk plastered on her face. She waited a moment before she spoke up again, realizing you may need a second to recover from her discovery of your little hobby. She allowed her eyes to rove over you, and you caught her just as they reached your face.

“You know, you could’ve just asked me to model for you. I would quite enjoy playing a role in your creative process.” For a moment you thought she was joking, and you scowled at her teasing. She raised an eyebrow and you quickly realized she was serious, your eyes growing wide for a moment.

“…Really? I mean, if you wouldn’t mind… And since you suggested it-“ You stumbled over your words, hoping you didn’t sound too pathetic. To your pleasant surprise, though, she perked up, a huge smile on her face.

“Perfect! You can come ‘round to mine at 8,” she said excitedly as the class began to wrap up. The time had flown by, and you didn’t even have a chance to work on your project together at all thanks to your distracted discussion. You realized you didn’t have any of her information before she strutted confidently out of the room. You raised your notebook from the desk and the folded sheet hit your palm before you could put it into your bag. Letting it fall into your hand, you opened it up to reveal what the marks were that you had spotted earlier - Gwen’s dorm and phone number. You felt a swell of pride in your chest when you gave your drawing another once-over. Clearly she knew skill when she saw it.

——

Around 7:45, you changed into something more suited to the occasion (your favorite paint-streaked overalls and a white t-shirt) and made your way to the hall that held Gwen’s unit. You found her door easily, but hesitated before knocking. Drawing supplies at your side, you took a breath and raised your fist to knock twice. A moment later, she eased the door open and smiled in greeting, still wearing her stunning outfit from earlier in the day. She stepped aside and let you in, and you immediately took notice of dim light in the room and soft music playing, making the space seem suggestive of another purpose entirely. You shook the thought away and stood awkwardly in the middle of the single dorm, too shy to take a seat without being offered one.

As if she were able to read your mind, Gwen pulled the chair out from beneath her large study desk, now cleared off to make space for your creative needs. But she left a few feet of space between the seat and desk. Leaning on a hand on the back of the chair, she crooked her fingers to beckon you over to sit. You gulped an obliged, your gaze lingering a bit too long on her dexterous fingers. You snapped out of your daze and made your way over, lowering yourself beside her with your things on your lap. She stepped away and reclined on the edge of the desk facing you, her eyes locked on yours. You swore you saw a spark of something mischievous in them in the low light, but you couldn’t be sure.

“Well? Pose me,” she said, raising an arm in the air dramatically to illustrate her point. You smiled at her display and thought for a moment. You suddenly felt in your element, your reason for visiting Gwen’s coming back to you. Pencil tapping your chin, an idea came to you.

“Sit on the desk, your back to the wall on your left.” Your voice took on a commanding tone you almost didn’t recognize, and you were willing to bet it equally surprised Gwen. As soon as she was in the position you asked for, you tilted your head in thought as more ideas came to you. You stood from your place and stepped over to her. Placing your fingers under the back of her knee, you mumbled the suggestion to bend it and cross her legs at the ankle. You were too focused on your vision to realize that the movement had caused her dress to ride up higher on her thighs, revealing the lace of her stockings beneath. Gwen, meanwhile, was still in shock at your sudden boldness; she liked this side of you. It was interesting to see you delve so deeply into your passions that you nearly lost yourself in them.

You brought your hands to her arms, raising one of her hands to her jaw and the other in the air at an angle in front of her. You failed to realize until it was too late how close you had gotten to her; your hips pressing into her thigh closest to you, fingertips grazing her forearms as you caught her eye at last. You stilled in your movements, glancing at her lips then to her eyes with a small smile.

“Perfect,” you whispered before stepping back to your seat, praying Gwen couldn’t see the blush that had risen to your cheeks at the close proximity. You opened up a new page in your new sketchbook and crossed your legs to alleviate the tension building between them, placing the book atop them. You sketched out her outline, and the shapes that stood out the most before starting on the smaller details. You were impressed at how perfectly still your model stayed, the position she was in wasn’t a strenuous one but it took you at least 10 minutes to get things to look the way you wanted. As you began shading, you caught her staring at you with a sly side eye and a smirk before averting her gaze forward again.

“Something funny?” you asked, her expression throwing you out of your groove a bit. She shook her head dismissively, her smile growing. “What?”

Gwen turned her head toward you and tapped her cheek with her fingers, “You have some graphite…”

Slightly embarrassed, you wipe at the spot she gestured toward with your fingers, only making it worse unbeknownst to you. Gwen giggled and raised from her place on the desk, bending forward to rest one hand on your thigh while the other’s fingertips brushed over the smudge. A soft gasp left your throat at the contact, taken aback by her touch. Your eyes flicked between hers and her lips, her thumb stroking your thigh causing a particular heat to rise in your abdomen. You licked your lips and leaned into her hesitantly, waiting for her to close the gap between you. When she connected your lips at last, a soft whimper left you. Her hands grasped the straps of your overalls and she pulled you up against her, sending your art supplies tumbling to the floor.

All at once she flipped your positions, pushing you against the edge of the desk and pinning you there with her hips. Your hands reached for them eagerly, and Gwen swallowed your low groan as they rolled into yours. Before pulling away, her teeth grazed your bottom lip, your heavy breaths falling into sync with each other. She rested her forehead on yours and closed her eyes to gather herself for a moment, her following words causing you a puzzled expression.

“I’m so glad I asked to partner up with you…” You pulled away a few inches and Gwen giggled at your reaction before continuing, “I thought you were adorable, so I asked the professor to pair us up.”

You shook your head in playful disbelief before connecting your lips once again. This time, the kiss was a softer one, and you felt each other smile into it. Not only did you look forward to completing your class project together, as well as having her play the role of your muse, but you had a feeling you would be seeing much more of Gwen long after their completion.

#gwen x reader #gwen in fabric #in fabric #in fabric movie #gwendoline christie #my fics

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avacoleman · 1 year ago

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when the lights go out || a firstprince fic

summary: Henry Fox’s career is in crisis and his dating life isn’t faring much better either. After a chance encounter with a charming man becomes memorable for all the wrong reasons, Henry throws himself into his next assignment: writing the memoir of a beloved C-list actor. Henry, however, knows Alex best for the role he played as his random, awkward one-night stand. Henry enters their professional partnership keen on keeping their relationship just that. But after Henry confesses that their hookup was less than spectacular, Alex concots an arrangement that Henry is unable to resist. In addition to ghostwriting Alex’s life story, Henry will teach him a thing or two about satisfying a man. As they spend months out on the road together, they must decide if the connection between them is yet another story worth telling.

chapter 7/8 || rated e || read on ao3 updates every tues. and fri. *

Los Angeles, CA Day 1 They trade one sunny coast for another and Henry has mixed emotions, the likes of which he’s never experienced before. It all, as usual, is linked to his uncertainty over what comes next. He can now count on one hand the amount of days he has left in Alex’s company. He feels grateful for the time they’ve been able to share, but knowing that he’d soon have to part ways has made this all so bittersweet. Henry supposes he’s become spoiled on this tour by Alex’s company, the knowledge that there was always another city to accompany him to. The cold hard fact that this was officially the end of the line settled like an uncomfortable weight on his chest any time he allowed himself to dwell on it. He tries to cling to the good where he can.

Even after a delayed flight out of Miami, Henry saw the upside to it, getting more one-on-one time with Alex as they hung around the gate, trading music and stories back and forth. For all of the physical elements they’d breached while out on the road, it was this genuine friendship with Alex that Henry loved the most.

It’s been a bit uncanny though just how easily they’ve slipped back into a normal routine with each other after that night of their final lesson in Miami. They haven’t spoken about it since; neither of them has even come close to crossing that line now that they’ve finished with Alex’s syllabus. Henry figures that’s probably for the best. Safer even.

They head straight to the Crescent Valley lot from the airport after making it out of the absolute labyrinth of LAX with just enough time to spare.

Seeing the cast together again is a treat and Henry enjoys every bit of watching them film B-roll for the special. Henry wishes Pez could see it all now, but he reminds himself that his best friend will join him during the actual reunion. Alex had been gracious again and secured a spot for Pez alongside him.

Henry sits back and watches the photoshoot the cast does on different sets from the show, admiring their ability to go through outfit changes and touch ups to their hair and makeup. They take it all in stride and it allows them to wrap within a few hours.

It’s a surreal feeling after that to be alone with Alex again, to have him all to himself and journeying back to his place. Henry can admit he’s curious what home in L.A. looks like to Alex, this man who he’s known to be such a nomad over the last three months.

Alex’s condo is a gorgeous unit with floor to ceiling glass windows that bathe the entire space with natural light.

“I bought this at the start of season three,” Alex says as they stand now in the kitchen.

Henry cranes his neck back to take in the high ceilings.

“It’s more space than I really needed at the time. Hell, even now. But I don’t know. I just kinda fell in love with it.”

“I can see why. It’s incredible, Alex. Truly,” he replies, looking at Alex again.

Alex smiles. “I gotta say, it’s kind of trippy seeing you here.”

Henry laughs. “How so?”

Alex shrugs and takes a seat on one of the stools at the large island in the center of the space. Henry takes a seat beside him, their bodies turning toward each other. They're close enough that their knees just about touch.

“I guess after spending three months in hotels, it’s surreal having you in my actual place. It’s nice though, don’t get me wrong. It’s really freaking nice. You got to see my home in Austin and now here. It’s like the last puzzle piece snapping into place, you know?”

Henry doesn’t actually know what to do with that statement. He wishes he could actually fit into the grand scheme of Alex’s life, that he could be an essential piece to complete the picture.

Alex grows quiet, his eyes a bit soft. He rests a hand on Henry’s knee. His thumb brushes back and forth lightly, his lips parting. It’s been days since Alex has touched him this intimately before. It’s downright jarring and confusing how sudden this all feels.

Henry tenses and moves back.

“I think we should stop,” Henry blurts out.

Alex’s face falls for a moment before he schools his features as he pulls away.

“Oh.”

Henry sighs and rises from the stool, tucking his hands in his pockets.

“It’s just that we’ve tackled everything. There’s nothing left on the syllabus. I go home in a few days and with that, we’ll be back on our own coasts for good. I’m practically done with the book. I…I don’t think we should complicate things now.”

Alex doesn’t say anything, but it’s so clear his mind is racing.

“What are you thinking?” Henry asks.

Alex blinks twice and shakes his head.

“It doesn’t matter. Wasn’t that a term in the agreement? One person wanting to stop was reason enough. You even went ahead and gave me your explanation as to why, though you didn’t have to. I respect that. You’re right. The lessons are over. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

Alex stands. “I was out of line,” he says as he moves around the island.

Henry is quicker and he gently grabs hold of Alex’s wrist.

“I never quite mastered the art of mind reading in the months we’ve been together. Please talk to me.”

Alex looks down at where Henry is holding him and back up to his face.

“What is there to say?” he asks softly. “You made a great point. We go back to the real world in a couple of days. The smart thing to do would be to start preparing myself for that instead of clinging to whatever this has been these last few months. It wasn’t actually real. I can see that.”

Henry lets go of Alex as if he’d been burned.

“I’ve deeply enjoyed my time with you, Alex. I don’t want to give you a false impression nor do I want to make you think I’m somehow just biding my time, watching the clock until I’m meant to return to New York. I have felt the presence of our time together slipping away each and every day and I’ve loathed it. If I had it my way, this tour would never end and I could stay in your company just that much longer.”

Alex’s bottom lip quirks, his eyes looking glassier with unshed tears.

Henry stands immediately, framing Alex’s face with his hands.

Alex blinks and looks away, but Henry sees the tear race down his cheek. In that quiet cry, Henry understands everything at once.

“When did our lessons stop being hypothetical for you?” Henry asks, lowering his hands.

The muscle in Alex’s jaw flexes twice.

“Can I plead the fifth?” Alex asks, sniffling before turning those beautiful brown eyes back on him.

Henry shakes his head.

“We’ve both done enough dodging, don’t you think?”

Alex pulls in a breath, squaring his shoulders.

“Arizona,” Alex says.

Henry stares at him, his jaw dropping a bit as he grapples to make sense of what he’s hearing.

“Alex, that was day one of the lessons.”

Alex simply shrugs. “I know. But kissing you again, it brought me back to the night we met…the way we connected right off the bat. I felt that same spark when we kissed in Phoenix and I thought, I don’t know. It seemed like you got so lost in it. I thought you might’ve felt it too.”

“I did,” Henry says quietly, rubbing his face. “Christ, Alex. Every bloody second, it’s been real for me because it was real since New York. I’ve traveled with you, falling for you all over again in every single city. But, I…,” he sighs.

“I don’t know where this leaves us though. You don’t date outside the industry.”

Alex's face falls.

“That was my preference at one point in time. It isn’t a law. Things change and they should. They already have.”

Alex’s eyes water again as he lets out a deep sigh.

“The night we met…I felt something I never really have. That didn’t just up and go away after you left. I really like you, Henry. Sometimes I think I may even–,” he stops short and takes a breath.

Henry’s heart slams against his chest over Alex’s unspoken words.

Alex swallows hard and blinks twice.

“I don’t mean to complicate things and I sure as hell do not want to scare you off. But I can’t lie anymore. To you or to myself. I won’t.”

Alex searches his eyes. “Do you want to be with me?”

Stunned, Henry looks away. It feels like too much, the question too big and yet too exact.

“I don’t see how this could work. We don’t even live in the same time zone.”

“That’s not what I asked. It’s a simple question. Do you want to be with me?” Alex repeats slowly.

Henry glances back at him then. Alex is being so brave right now. It’s both admirable and terrifying the way he’s able to put so much of himself on the line. Henry knows he ought to do the same.

“Desperately,” he answers truthfully, seeing no other alternative. “But I fear it might not be as simple as you think it’ll be– though I want it to be. I wish that it were.”

Alex opens and closes his mouth, color draining from his face.

“Henry. Henry, please don’t do this.”

Henry lets out a breath.

“I’m not doing anything. I’m only being realistic.” He looks around himself.

“We lead such vastly different lives. Being on tour with you was exciting and fascinating, but also illuminating. I don’t know how or even if I could fit into your world beyond this moment.”

He dares to step a little closer, needing his next set of words to be heard clearly.

“But, Alex, please do not misconstrue that with what I feel for you. Never in my life have I felt this drawn to a person. I don’t expect that I ever will again.”

Alex puts a hand to his mouth, rubbing harshly against his jaw.

“Then why are you doing this to us? I don’t understand you. We’ve been at this for months now. We want the same thing. Why isn’t that enough?” he asks, his hand dropping.

“It seriously kills me to see you do this to yourself especially.”

His eyes are so intense, a perfect cocktail of frustration and sadness. Henry can’t look at him for long.

“At some point, Henry, you need to accept the fact that there’s so much waiting for you, if only you allowed yourself to actually experience it.”

His tone isn’t malicious, but the truth of his words cuts deep all the same.

“I’m not naive or stupid,” Alex continues. “I fully get that long distance would be difficult as hell, but I also fully recognize that you and the relationship we could have would be worth it. What we have matters to me enough to want to try.”

Henry’s head snaps back towards him.

“It matters to me too. That’s not fair.”

“Isn’t it?” Alex demands. He closes his mouth and steadies himself.

In all their time together, Henry has never seen Alex like this before, this indignant. The fact that it’s directed towards him makes Henry uneasy though he can’t deny it’s more than warranted.

“You’re cutting us off at the knees without so much as putting up a fight, without even making an actual attempt and for what? You don’t think I’m scared? I’m fucking terrified by what I feel for you. But I want whatever is on the other side of this feeling because I know it could be incredible if we let it be. All I’m asking is for you to trust me. To trust us.”

Henry shakes his head and looks away again, his eyes stinging. He looks around at Alex’s condo, the life he’s built for himself here in Los Angeles. For the times Alex would be away, he could be in any city across the country at any given moment. In just a few months’ time, the revelations in his memoir would be out and he'd have no shortage of far more interesting people vying for his attention while Henry continued drowning in his insecurities.

Yet here it was now, Alex telling Henry he wanted him. Alex was right. That should be enough. That’s all Henry has wanted to hear for months now, after all.

But Henry could do the right thing now, no matter how difficult, to spare them both the inevitable heartbreak down the line when they accepted love wasn’t enough.

Henry simply wasn’t the kind of person people ultimately stayed around for. Perhaps he’d be wiser and walk away before Alex could.

“I should go,” Henry says, wiping unseemly at his nose, nodding to himself.

Alex's face falls as he rakes a hand through his hair, his curls sticking out wildly at the ends. He looks nothing like the leading man on screen, the heartthrob that’s won over millions on television. He looks vulnerable and scared and Henry despises himself for reducing Alex to this.

“Please don’t. Let’s just talk it out. I’m not trying to pressure you,” Alex says quickly, voice panicked. All his upset from moments before fizzling like a fire being extinguished.

Henry shakes his head and looks at him.

“You aren’t. You’re saying all the right things and I know you mean them. I do. I care so much about you, Alex. I need you to know that. You deserve so much more than I could give you.”

“I just want you, Henry. I don’t care about anything else. You have to see that.”

In truth, Henry does. If anything, that’s what scares him most of all.

“I need to think. I need…,” he trails off, desperately looking around again. It feels like the walls are closing in.

“Time. Time away from me especially,” Alex supplies quietly.

Henry’s heart breaks.

“It’s not like that.”

Alex holds up a hand.

“I get it. Or at least I’m trying to.”

It’s a kindness Henry doesn’t feel deserving of at all.

Alex moves back, resting against the edge of the counter, his arms crossed to his chest like a barrier to protect himself. Henry can’t believe just how quickly he’s managed to become something Alex needs safety from.

“Maybe you really should go,” he says quietly.

Fresh tears prick Henry’s eyes at the gentle dismissal.

“I’m in no position to ask anything of you, but please, don’t hate me. I’m so sorry.”

Alex shakes his head and looks back at him then. There’s no malice or ire.

“I could never. You know that. We can talk when you’re ready.”

His tone is detached and whatever walls they’ve allowed themselves to lower over these last few months feel as if they’ve been reinstalled, built stronger this time around. There’s no fight in Alex anymore. It’s a deeply sobering and troubling realization.

“I promise, we will,” Henry says softly.

At least that’s something he knows he can make good on in time.

He looks at Alex again and his heart breaks just that much more. It doesn’t look as if Alex fully believes him. Henry can’t fault Alex. He knows he hasn’t given him a reason to.

~*~*~

The Uber back to the hotel the publisher arranged for him feels like the loneliest journey Henry has ever taken in his life, far worse even than leaving England for a new life in New York.

This isn’t how he pictured his first day in Los Angeles to go. Right about now, he and Alex should have been taking on the city, with Alex showing him around like a personal tour guide to all his favorite places.

It wasn’t supposed to end with Henry feeling as if he’s about to throw up, his stomach twisted into knots in the backseat of a stranger’s car, driving away from Alex instead of to him.

He fights back tears, having enough presence of mind not to sob like every cell in his body is demanding he do. No, that can wait. He’s already embarrassed himself enough for one afternoon. He doesn’t need an audience.

Mercifully he makes it to the hotel and gets checked in. The second the door to his room shuts behind him though, Henry loses it completely.

He isn’t sure how long he stands there, struggling for breath as he sobs, but he pulls himself together enough to seek out something to tether him.

He fumbles for his phone, overtaken for a moment with a thought to call Alex, to tell him he’s made a mistake, to grovel if he has to in order to set things right.

Instead, Henry pulls up Pez’s name in his favorites and clicks to FaceTime him as he steps further into the room, abandoning his carryon at the door and taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

Pez picks up mere seconds later.

“Hello, hello!” Pez greets brightly, his face falling immediately as he looks at Henry.

“My God. You look as if someone has passed on. Henry, what on Earth happened to you?”

“Pez, I ruined everything,” Henry says, his throat feeling so tight from keeping in his tears.

Henry feels homesick seeing Pez’s bedroom in the background, his posters of various pop stars and fashion icons in collages above his bed.

What Henry wouldn’t give to be back in New York now, to be somewhere familiar and safe. Instead he’s stuck in this lifeless hotel room feeling cut off from everyone he loves most.

“Alex…we…,” he trails off before a heavy sob overtakes him.

If this were anyone else in the world seeing him like this, save for perhaps Bea, Henry would rather die. But Pez has seen him through so many upsets. This one won’t be any different.

“I got scared and I took off and...he says he doesn’t hate me, but he most certainly should. I broke his heart. I know I did. God, Pez, if you’d seen his face.”

Pez looks anxious but he doesn’t push Henry to hurry along. He gives him his undivided attention and once Henry trusts himself to share, he launches into the full story of the afternoon.

Pez’s face grows concerned the more he talks and Henry thinks it says something about this story that Pez is uncharacteristically quiet.

“Everything was perfect. I don’t know why I did this,” Henry says, confusion coloring his words.

Pez lowers his gaze, his lips pinching together.

“What is it?” Henry asks.

Pez pulls in a breath, his cheeks puffing up before he lets the air out.

“I say this with absolute love. You are my nearest and dearest friend in this chaotic and beautiful world. You know you are like family to me.”

The preamble makes Henry nervous, but he knows he deserves whatever harsh truth Pez is gearing up to bestow.

“You’ve always had it in your head that you don’t deserve good things. When things feel too good to be true, it scares you. It’s almost like, you need to pull the rug from under yourself before someone else does,” Pez says, not unkindly.

Henry sits back and lets those words wash over him. It’s a fact. He’s always known that about himself, as much as he hates it.

“I don’t mean to do it. I can’t help it.”

Pez looks sympathetic.

“I know, darling. You’ve been hurt before by people you trusted. I’m no psychologist, but I don’t think it’s hard to see where it stems from.”

His brother’s and grandmother’s faces spring to mind. Henry squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, trying to block them out.

“Perhaps this time around, you might find yourself keen to do things differently. Seeing you guys, even from that little time in Denver and the way you talk about him…the fact that he wants to give this a fair shot…Henry, this could be so beyond amazing. There’s life outside your comfort zone.”

Henry runs a hand through his hair. He’s never been good at taking chances. His life has been a study in complacency.

“But what if something goes wrong?” he asks, searching Pez’s eyes on screen.

“On the severe off chance that it does, you’ll deal with it then. But right now? Hazza, I’ve never seen you like this over a guy before and I got just a taste of it. Darling, this man could give you a whole lifetime of happiness for all you know. It sure sounds like he’s willing to try.”

Henry’s eyes well up again, a sour feeling tight in his throat as he tries to keep from crying.

After a moment, he loses the battle. He allows himself to feel the hurt, to truly shed tears over the utter mess he’s made of things.

He wipes at his face, chewing on his bottom lip as he looks at his best friend. There’s no judgment or ridicule in Pez’s eyes and Henry wishes they were actually in a room together now.

“Henry, my love, my moon, my stars. Can you promise me something?”

Henry sees his confused face in the little window on the corner of his screen. Pez licks his lips, his eyes softening.

“Please don’t lock yourself away. Don’t go dark. I’ll be with you in just a few days’ time. Please try to hold on until then.”

Henry wants to be able to swear an oath, but the way he’s feeling now, he’s not so sure he will even have the strength to stand, never mind get back to aligning himself to Alex’s Crescent Valley schedule for the homestretch.

Dread courses through him just thinking about having to cross paths with Alex soon.

“It hurts so much, Pez. Everything hurts,” he says, a complete non-answer.

He can tell Pez realizes this too, but he must sense Henry doesn’t have much fight left in him. He doesn’t push the point again.

“Because it matters. You wouldn’t be feeling this much pain if it didn’t. Question is, what will it fuel you to do next?”

~*~*~

Los Angeles

Day 2

Though he hadn’t actually promised Pez anything, Henry does his best to uphold his best friend’s wishes the next day.

Every inclination Henry has is to stay holed up inside his hotel room, to pass the time by watching the sun cast shadows throughout the day until nightfall.

In all fairness, that is what Henry allowed himself to do after hanging up with Pez, but today, he’s determined to let go of at least one bad habit and not isolate himself.

He takes a shower first thing in the morning and makes a point to eat and get dressed in something other than joggers. Henry collects his phone and laptop before heading out into the world. It’s a strange thing wandering around a city he’s never been to before by himself, but it’s also pretty freeing too. He’s just another face in the crowd.

He sets up shop in a quaint coffee shop he happens across. He opts for a window seat, able to observe passerby as he nurses an Earl Grey. As his laptop comes to life, his phone buzzes on the tabletop, the screen lighting up with an incoming message that’s quickly followed by another.

Alex

you don’t have to respond to this message. i know you need more time and honestly? so do i.

Alex

i just wanted to say that, for what it’s worth, i hope you’re okay. i’ll see you soon…if you’re still planning on coming to the set

Henry stares at the screen, his heart twisting at the messages.

No matter what, the book ranked supreme. Whatever personal drama he was responsible for causing to unfold, Henry held fast to keeping his word. He wouldn’t let anything impact their professional dealings.

He’d see Alex for the filming in two days. There’d be little to say to Alex– if anything at all.

He could survive the awkwardness. After today, he only had to endure a few more days in California until he’d be back in New York, able to put this whole unexpected whirlwind behind him.

Henry sighs and sets his phone down again, opting not to reply.

He puts on his headphones and drowns himself in music and writing. He takes another pass at his most recent edits to Alex’s book but he knows it’s ready to go. He makes a mental note to find a shop in the area to print it out before closing the doc entirely and takes a look at his drive.

It’s truly a graveyard of unfinished pieces, stories he loved but grew discouraged by before fully completing them.

Henry opens up his favorite, his mind swimming with the memory of the promise he made to Alex, that he’d return to his original writing and pursue it in earnest this time around.

In a way, it almost feels like honoring the dynamic they were building.

Henry dives into it headfirst, fueled by the desire to keep his word in some capacity when it comes to Alex.

He’s interrupted an hour or so in when he gets an incoming call. Henry grabs his phone and sees Shaan’s name on the screen before he answers quickly.

“Hi, Shaan. How’s everything?” he asks, tearing his eyes off his screen.

The coffee shop is relatively empty; there’s no one in close range to him that he’d be disturbing by taking this call.

“Everything is brilliant or at least I thought you’d know that. Have you checked your email yet?”

Intrigue seeps through Henry enough to make him switch over on his browser to his inbox where an email from Shaan from thirty minutes ago sits right on top. Henry double clicks on the offer, his eyes catching first onto the insane figure at the bottom. It’s twice what he’s receiving for Alex’s book and yet he feels not even a fraction of excitement over it. He tries picturing himself working with this other actor, a name he actually does recognize as the man has been on the same procedural for half of Henry’s life.

Henry doesn’t even feel an ounce of interest nor can he even fake it.

“So? What do you think?” Shaan asks.

Henry frowns and looks out the window, trying in vain to muster up something to say. But Shaan reads his hesitancy for what it is.

“You’re really done, aren’t you?”

Henry closes out of the tab with his inbox and looks again at his own writing.

“In one sense, yes,” he says. “I can’t write for other people anymore. I’m losing myself too much.”

“Is everything okay with you and Alex? I thought things were going well on the road. Your passes have been impeccable.”

Henry bites on his lip. Technically things are far from fine with Alex, at least personally. But professionally, at least he can be honest and say, “I think he and I have been amazing together for his book. That’s actually what’s giving me this push now.”

Henry sighs.

“It was always going to come to this at some point. This new offer is incredible, but I just…I can’t wonder what if anymore. I still want to write, but I need it to be my words plus my name out there.”

Shaan is quiet on the line and Henry wonders if he’s somehow managed to break his agent’s brain. The amount of money being offered here is such a clear indicator that Henry is truly carving out a lane for himself with ghostwriting. But it’s not fulfilling. It hasn’t been for quite some time now with the exception of Alex’s book.

“I understand. I’ll decline the offer,” Shaan says. “I do hope this means you’ll get something to me soon that’s all your own then?”

Henry smiles. “I was actually just in the middle of that before you called.”

“I won’t keep you any longer then. Get back to work,” he orders, but Henry can hear the mirth in the command.

He’s ready to end the call when he hears Shaan speak again.

“Henry?”

Henry puts the phone back to his ear.

“Yes?”

“Pardon the sentimentality, but, I do hope you know that I’m quite proud of you.”

“You’re getting soft on me, Shaan,” Henry teases, but he soon grows serious. “I do though. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that support means to me.”

~*~*~

Los Angeles, CA

Day 4

“I feel like a bonafide star right now,” Pez says, completely looking the part with his cat eye sunglasses that he moves smoothly to rest atop his head.

He puts his hands on his hips and looks at the reserved seats in the front row of the stands with their names on it.

Ever since Pez arrived late yesterday afternoon, Henry has felt so much more settled. They spent the evening exploring Los Angeles, popping into different shops along Sunset Boulevard where Pez came across the very shades he’s donning now. Being out and about had been enough to take Henry’s mind off his troubles for a little while longer.

But today, there could be no avoiding the elephant in the room and Pez was armed at the ready with a well-needed pep talk before they arrived here at the studio for the reunion filming.

They take their seats as excited fans in the audience around them settle in too. The buzz is so reminiscent of the crowds at cons that, for a moment, Henry feels as if he’s right back on the road with Alex.

For the millionth time, Henry’s mind conjures up a montage of their time together on tour. These last three months haven’t had any shortage of good moments. But it’s these last three days that have put it all into such a tailspin.

Before Henry can spiral any further, the reunion gets underway. A video plays with some of the most popular, fan favorite moments of the series. Each time Alex’s face pops up on the screens, Henry’s heart twinges a little. The video ends with the final shot of the series, the Crescent Valley signage appearing as the video fades to black. The audience cheers and gives an enthusiastic round of applause that somehow gets kicked up twenty notches when the lights come up and the cast is seated on the soundstage.

Henry immediately locks his sights on Alex. It’s been three days and every moment, both waking and asleep, has been consumed with thoughts of him. He looks incredible, perfectly at ease among his castmates and before a crowd. Henry is all too familiar with this public side of Alex. He plays the part so well, Henry wonders if the other version of Alex even wonders or even cares to know if Henry is in the crowd tonight.

The reunion is an absolute treat. The cast recounts their favorite scenes and arcs on the show and divulge behind-the-scenes secrets. They share never before seen footage that hadn’t made it onto the show. In many ways, it’s truly a love letter to the fans. He can feel that with each tidbit that gets offered up, in every thoughtful answer to questions they receive from the show's creator who acts as host.

Alex’s eyes find Henry’s for the briefest of moments as they wind down and Henry instantly feels the air get knocked out of him. His skin tingles, his blood rushing so loudly in his ears that he can barely hear any of the closing remarks the actors are now saying.

He jumps a little in his seat when the audience begins to clap. Henry blinks twice and looks over at Pez who eyes him quizzically before looking back towards the soundstage.

Henry follows his lead and joins in the applause as the cast waves at the in-studio audience and to the cameras until they wrap.

All around him, people are getting to their feet, talking amongst themselves about the in-depth discussion with the cast but it all sounds like static to Henry as his eyes trail after Alex as he leaves with his castmates.

“Shall I see you later then?” Pez says.

Henry snaps his head back to his best friend.

“What do you mean? I thought we would go back together.”

Pez scoffs. “If you think I’d allow you to leave here without speaking to Alex, then clearly you’ve lost your mind somewhere in this city. I of course, being the generous person that I am, would help you find it. But only after you work your way backstage and talk to that man. We go home tomorrow, Hazza. This is your only chance to do this face to face.”

Henry frowns.

“So, as I’ve said, I’ll see you later, honey bunny. Ta.”

Pez gives him a kiss on each cheek before leaving without another word. It’s truly amazing how anxious Henry feels without Pez beside him. He’s practically been a human security blanket since they met years ago.

He knows Pez is right. This isn’t the kind of talk he wants to do over the phone. Alex deserves far better than that, especially after the way Henry left him a few days ago. Even if this time away from each other has somehow hardened Alex’s heart, Henry is ready to face the consequences of his actions.

He makes his way backstage, following the same path Alex and the cast just made.

A few members of the crew recognize him from his first day on set and let him through without incident.

Henry winds down the corridors towards the cast greenrooms. He hadn’t gone back here that first day, but the helpful signs guide him. He can hear chatter behind a few closed doors along the way, but he doesn’t pay attention to any room for longer than a second as he searches for Alex’s name.

He finds Alex’s designated room at the very end of the hall. He leans in close to the door, trying to gauge if Alex is still in. It’s silent but as Henry gets ready to turn away, he hears a heavy sigh on the other side of the door.

He knocks quietly twice.

“Alex? Are you in there? Might I come in and have a word?”

There’s the sound of rustling and footsteps and within a few breaths, Alex appears before him.

Henry’s heart sinks a little. Alex’s face is indifferent, closed off even. It’s as if he’s looking at Henry without really seeing him. For the cameras and fans just moments before, he was his usual vibrant self. Alone here now, the mask is completely off and shattered.

Alex searches his face, the only real indicator that he’s presently registering Henry’s appearance at all.

These last few days have clearly taken their toll on him.

“I thought you might’ve left already,” Henry says pointlessly.

Alex’s eyes haven’t stilled. After a moment, he blinks twice and shakes his head.

“I probably should have, but I needed a minute. Everyone is going out to celebrate in a bit. I’m not sure I’m feeling up for it though.”

Henry frowns.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil this for you. These past few days…I’ve acted horribly.”

Some folks a few doors down laugh about something, clearly in a happy mood. The contrast to Henry and Alex now is staggering.

Henry glances toward the sound of their merriment and back to Alex, looking past into his dressing room.

“Come in,” Alex says, stepping back so Henry can enter.

Henry looks around the room. There’s a clothing rack with a few of the outfits Alex wore during the promotional filming yesterday. There are a few floral arrangements spread throughout the room too, clear markers of just how much there is to celebrate now.

“I should have gotten you flowers to commemorate. But maybe you’ll like what I’ve brought instead.”

Alex’s brows furrow as he leans against the vanity, his arms crossed over his chest. Henry isn’t quite sure how to gauge what Alex must be thinking or feeling about his presence here. But the fact that Alex permitted him into his greenroom is at least somewhat promising.

Henry flips open his messenger bag and takes out the bound manuscript he had printed right after he left the coffee shop a few days ago, eager to hold this project in his own two hands.

Alex’s eyes widen, a soft breath pushing past his lips.

“Is that really…is that our book?”

Henry smiles as he steps forward and hands it over. Alex takes it from him, staring in awe and thumbing through.

“It’s your book, Alex. It’s your story. I just helped put it on the pages.”

Alex looks up at him.

“It was a partnership from day one,” he says and Henry hears the double meaning in it.

Henry concedes the point, his hands gripping the strap of his bag for something to do.

“I’ve actually received an offer to do another,” he says.

Alex looks up quickly at that, his hands clutching the manuscript tighter.

“Is that right? What’d you say?”

Henry smiles tentatively.

“That I want to end on a high note with your memoir as I leave ghostwriting behind.”

Alex sets down the manuscript and stands up straight.

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Henry can feel his face warm up a bit as he nods.

“You were right. I’ve been depriving myself of a lot of things out of fear and it’s holding me back. Truthfully, it’s been rather debilitating most days. That’s no way to live and I’m tired of it. Of myself really,” he says.

“So, I’ve set about making some proper changes. I told Shaan thanks but no thanks on that offer and I spoke to him about wanting to query my original fiction. I went back to a few of my works in progress and I feel hopeful. Confident even that I might be able to make something worthwhile with them.”

Alex smiles at him, a genuine affectionate thing that Henry doesn’t feel worthy of but he basks in it.

“I’m so proud of you, Henry. Seriously. I can’t wait to be first in line to buy your books.”

This stuns Henry for a moment. For all that they’ve been through these last few days, it touches his heart to know Alex would still want to support him, that he’d remain in his corner.

“First I need to actually turn something in to go on submission. We’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here,” he says, aiming to keep things light a little while longer. He’s all too aware of the elephant in the room.

Alex waves him off.

“I’m speaking into existence. It’s bound to happen for you. You were given a gift. This is meant to be. I know it.”

“You and the universe,” Henry says, more so to himself.

Alex shrugs nonchalantly, crossing his arms again almost defiantly.

“Some things are destined. I stand by that.”

“Like, maybe, you and I?”

The words fall from Henry’s lips so quickly that for a moment he doesn’t realize he’s actually uttered them aloud until Alex’s previously warm eyes shutter. He stands ramrod straight and falls silent as he stares at Henry.

Henry’s heart beats faster, but doesn’t lose his nerve. He can’t afford to. Not anymore.

“As I’ve said, fear and, admittedly, insecurity have been plaguing me for far too long. I've stood in my own way. I’ve held myself back from opportunities because I haven’t felt deserving of them. Doing so in my career was bad enough. Now with you…,” he trails off, arms falling to his side.

“I’ll never forgive myself for the way I acted back at your place. For months now, I’ve been dying to hear that you feel deeply for me, as I do for you. Yet still I froze when it proved itself to be real. It felt too good to be true and so I convinced myself that it was.”

Henry frowns.

“I’ve become something of a professional at blowing my life up. I don’t want to do the same with yours. There would be no coming back from that.”

Henry’s lips quiver, but he steels himself, forcing himself to keep going.

“In your text, you said you needed time. If you aren’t ready to talk about us now, I’d completely understand. Maybe now isn’t the best time to speak of this, but I didn’t want to leave here without at least trying. I know that makes me horrendously selfish. I swear I’m not trying to be. I only wish for you to understand. To know that you’ve done nothing wrong. I hope you haven’t been placing any blame on yourself.”

Alex avoids his gaze. Henry didn’t think it was physically possible, but his heart sinks even further.

“Oh, Alex.”

Alex looks at him. “I thought I came on too strong.”

Henry shakes his head.

“Not at all. You don’t know how much joy you brought me. I got in my own head and spoiled it for both of us. That wasn’t right.”

Henry sighs and looks around at all the flowers Alex has been gifted. This should be a happy time in his life, yet now he was spending almost an entire week troubled and filled with doubt.

“I feel like I’m overshadowing and ruining your reunion excitement with all my foolishness.”

Alex reaches for his hands.

“Keep talking. You aren’t wrecking anything, I promise.”

Henry brushes his thumbs back and forth across the backs of Alex’s hands. He marvels at the smoothness of Alex’s skin, not to mention the warmth.

He feels water begin to well in his eyes, his throat constricting.

“I need to know what you’re thinking. You’re annoyingly good at damn near everything,” Alex says, though his voice trails off a little.

“Except for letting people in,” Henry concludes.

Alex gives his hands a gentle squeeze, subtly urging him to talk.

“Think of it as an area of improvement.”

Henry recognizes his own words from their very first day of this tour being playfully tossed back at him. Henry smiles a little in spite of himself.

“I guess…I know that I’m worried I won’t be worth the effort at some point. I know you mean what you say now, but so much is in store for you once this comes out,” he says, tipping his chin towards where the manuscript sits.

“My life feels as if it’s in limbo, a no man’s land. You have everything in order and here I am just floating. I…truly do feel like a ghost sometimes. Apt career on my part, I suppose.”

Alex’s brows knit together. Concern etched into his beautiful face. He cups Henry’s cheek and Henry greedily leans into his touch.

“Well, I can see you,” he says.

“Thank God for that.”

Alex smiles, his thumb brushing the apple of Henry’s cheek.

“All the same,” Henry continues, “I go back to New York for good tomorrow. There will be three thousand miles between us. Sometimes I worry…proximity has played such a key role these last three months. Soon you’ll have scores of men added to the mix who are far more along with themselves, with their careers. They’d be vastly more interesting and perhaps better suited for you than I.”

He stops himself, realizing how pathetic he must sound. But from the way Alex looks at him, it’s clear the other man isn’t judging or pitying him.

“Hen, I could live on the goddamn moon and I would still want us to try. You mean everything to me. I don’t care who comes out of the woodworks when the news breaks. And I sure as shit do not care that you’re still figuring some things out. You’re currently talking to the poster child of that. We literally worked on a book together about that very same thing.”

Something changes in Alex’s eyes. They grow fiercer as he lowers his hand from Henry’s face.

“I swear to God, I want to cage fight anyone that’s ever made you feel like you aren’t worthy because there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to be with you, do you understand me?”

“I do. I just…I don’t know why or even how I managed that.”

Alex swallows hard, his eyes softening again. He looks vulnerable and already it makes Henry’s heart ache.

“Henry, I love you. I love you so fucking much. You don’t even see how freaking exceptional and rare you are. I wish that you would. But I’ll be here to tell you every damn day if I have to because it won’t ever stop being true.”

Henry blinks twice and tears fall from his eyes immediately.

“I clearly have some things I need to work on. But I promise, I am in this with you, Alex. I love you too. Terribly. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. I meant what I said the other day. You’re unmatched. You’ve had my heart for quite some time now and I know that you always will. It’s terrifying and exciting all in one breath and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

The look of relief on Alex’s face makes Henry hate himself for ever making him worry or doubt his place in Henry’s life. He feels grateful now to at least be able to demystify Alex’s fears.

“So much of my life feels up in the air right now, but not my feelings about you. You’re one of the few things I feel sure of anymore,” Henry continues.

Henry leans in closer and touches his forehead to Alex’s. Alex hugs him at once and Henry sighs softly in the comfort of his arms.

It’s only been a few days since he last held Alex, but Henry has missed everything about this level of contact. He buries his face against Alex’s neck, breathing him in and clinging to the warmth of his body.

It hadn’t actually been New York he was missing when he’d called Pez the other day. It’d been here, the safety of Alex embracing him. Here in his arms, nothing can touch him, not even his traitorous, sabotaging mind.

Alex pulls back to look at him and Henry’s eyes sting with unshed tears, his mind racing with all the words he’s been keeping in since they last spoke openly.

Alex doesn’t give him a chance to say anything just yet as he leans in and kisses him. Henry’s heart jumpstarts, goosebumps rising on his arms as he kisses Alex back.

It’s still slow and sweet, but there’s an undercurrent of longing and anxiety coming from Alex. Henry answers it in kind with reassurance, imbuing the kiss with a wordless promise that Alex will never have to be without him again.

They break apart but stay close enough for their foreheads to touch. Henry keeps his arms wrapped around Alex as the man drapes his arms over Henry’s shoulders and combs through his hair lightly. It’s a simple gesture, but it lights Henry up.

There are still a million things he needs to say. Above all though, an apology seems most pressing.

“I’m so sorry.”

It hardly feels like enough.

I’m sorry I ran that day. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I almost ruined everything. He hopes Alex understands all that this encompasses.

Then again, he always seems to.

Alex sighs and Henry feels the slight tremble in his hands as he continues to stroke his hair soothingly.

“I’m just glad you felt safe enough to come back.”

Henry runs a hand up Alex’s chest, to the key that dangles near to his heart.

“I’m always going to find my way back home to you.”

#rwrb fic #red white and royal blue #firstprince #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #userthai #tusersonia #tuserpaige #usernicholas #usersteen #tusersilence #userjamiec #iuserzoe #uservalentina #kimmy writes

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