#i have work at 6 30 i dont know why I thought spending time on this was smart

[magickkart]

Yeah, yeah we’ve all heard of Nicky from Brooklyn. Or NfrB if you will.

What about Nicky von Südtirol???

Nothing changes about him, he just speaks both German (in very thick dialect ofc) and Italian, and the Italian population hates his guts. Idk anything about South Tyrol and I don’t feel like hitting up the one (1) south tyrolian I know to ask him for any funny dialect words or phrases to pad this with anything more interesting. The idea has haunted me and it had to be released.

Enjoy.

You guys do know there’s a province in Italy that’s comprised of German speakers, right?

[patchiko]

Arkham Knight Relationship HCS !! <3

( light nsfw, mostly SFW tho!! )

literally my wife ( i made this pic idc abt creds i just wanna talk abt it)

SFW !! <3

dying on this hill when i say basically any red hood would be soo yummy with a civilian or just someone who is extremely balanced.

im a red hood needs more fucking normalcy in his life TRUTHER.

relationship starts off slow, romantic and platonic, you need to be patient with him long enough for him to get over his mental dilemmas to feel ANY-TYPE of way towards you.

more then like 6 months lets be real yall

his way of bonding is quality time. ill die on this hill, especially at the start of the relationship. Nothing huge maybe just spending a couple extra minutes around you before leaving.

next is probably gift giving, esp with early relations, probably just gonna order you food or put fifty bucks on your countertop. you dont even notice until you realize you find a fifty around the last place he was standing. expect deliveries from R.H whenever he feels bad for something.

doesn't like being around for too long, feels like he's messing up something. ruining your day by keeping you up late (he was there for fifteen minutes), ruining your mood, (there was an awkward silence for like 30 seconds.)

not a overly conscious thought process though, he feels physically he isn’t supposed to be there. for whatever subconscious thing he picked up on, a awkward silence, or hes been there 15 minutes too long or something

well sometimes he'll mentally beat himself up.

he spirals a lot, needs someone to pull him out of that.

i think when he needs to be grounded, its not just comfort its making him feel alive in the present moment. he's never gonna truly forget about his traumas but maybe for just an hour or two; running around an arcade, walking around the city. just making him feel normal, yeah you BAGGED his ass quick.

he needs someone patient, really patient, someone whos very attentive and empathetic. (but not a complete push- over def needs someone to set him in line still)

i think if you move to quickly, he'll get super snappy and ghosting you,, ong put ur hands on him too early and he's left hooking you.

yeah you're waking up and the first thing your hearing is "Its been 12 years..."

second thing you hear is "you've been in a coma for.. 12 years."

third thing you're hearing is, " we think a bus hit you...”

obviously not touchy, even when he is settling down. hes just not sure how to .. or where to .. or why he wants too.

please his mental gymnastics get so crazy, just sit down with him and put on some silly ass movie so he stops

when he’s settled he cant pry himself off you though.

a lot of his expressions can definitely be told by his body language, naturally hes tense but theres certain habits he has when he's maybe thinking too much, or fustrated/irritated.

but he does all of the same for you, comfort, love, as much as he can he tries

Very attentive, has a mental list of 'shit you do when somethings wrong' or 'shit you like.'

doesn't consciously make any of these mental list, he just knows.

"didnt they say they liked this?" He pauses "shit ill just leave it at their window."

so he's like canonically smart as shit.

you have too much work from your boss or professor? hand it over its done in less then two hours.

literally buys you groceries and pays your bills (fucking lover boy.)

arkham knight finally figuring out how to ask for a hug (hes been dead silent for 5 minutes) (link) <— insta reel

HES A CHEM/HISTORY NERD FOR SURE

NSFW !! <3

probably- A FUCKING VIRGIN !! HES A NERD !! GETS AWKARD AS SHIT. WITH RAGING COMMITMENT AND TRUST ISSUES !! (will still die4you tho)

AGAIN, not in a "my soft squishe potato always been scared of sex" way but in a ‘oh my god hes so unsocialized’ way.

yall ever see a big ass dog just..standing.. literally him (hes dissociating)

genuinely dont believe that when he was arkham/training to be, he was sexually or romantically involved with anyone. the last thing that was on his mind was actually pursuing a sexual or romantic relationship.

along with his trauma, he just wasn’t comfortable with any of that.

ghosted so many people..

couldn’t flirt for more then five minutes, just stopped feeling it or got uncomfortable .

I AM ANTI ARKHAM KNIGHT BEING A SEX GOD

not that he’s horribly awkward, but he’s noticeably a bit more quiet for first times.

ofc this man has watched porn n’ shit but hes smart enough to know thats not what its really like.

he’ll still figure it, what makes you tic, what you love, what makes you most comfortable.

kinda shitty at dirty talk, just makes him buffer.

he gets better at it tho, too damn good

gets so snarky and confident about it too uuhgrr

late relationships hes smirking and chatting your ears off cause you know hes gettin you turnt.

he has a love-hate relationship with his scars. 95% they remind him of his past, but 5% hes alright with them because they’ve shown what hes been through.

deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down, he knows hes fine as fuck. TRUST YALL.

again, super observant and attentive. really pays attention to what you enjoy.

I genuinely don’t believe hes into super hardcore/painful kinks or anything.

Sex for him is definitely a way of showing his trust and intimacy with someone!! Let him show you how much he loves you and how much he wants to make you feel good! Do the same to him !!

mmm tell him how good hes doing and hes a absolute mess!!

praise him! PRAISE HIM *im yelling from the hospital bed im strapped down on*

wouldn’t let you ride for awhile, but once he’s comfortable with it ,, he’s actually obsessed.

cant see him bottoming , just wouldn’t be comfortable with it

my brain is getting messy so im stopping here! feedback and comments would be cool if you wanna drop some!

[ariesbloodstone]

I know buck was weirded out by the fact that tommy and abby was engaged. I mean who wouldnt? That's a crazy twist. But I got a feeling that buck was bothered by it because tommy had hurt abby. Almost like he still care about her and feel protective over her and angry at tommy for hurting her. I know he loved her and maybe still care about her, but that just seem weird to me. At the restaurant scene when tommy said he was engaged and almost married a women, buck looked surprised seems understanding about it. When tommy said abby took a himbo half her age, buck just responded by saying she maybe did that to get tommy out of her system. He didnt even mad at tommy and seems to be on his side. But when tommy said it was abby clark and buck realised who it was, he got shocked which is understable. And then he told maddie. And said that tommy led abby on and hurt her. And buck thought he knew tommy and never thought tommy would be that cruel. But he only feel that way when he found out the women was abby. So I wonder if he would react the same way if the women wasnt abby? Based on his reaction before tommy mention her name he doesnt seem to care about it. I dont know. To me it looks like he still care about abby which is ok but like he cares more about her than tommy when he is actually dating tommy in the present. I dont know maybe I'm wrong but I just feel weird about it. Actually all the scenes was weird in this episode.

I really dont like buck flirting with that women in the restaurant. I mean tommy was there and watching. Its so rude. And then the convo about women and abby. And then the scene with maddie and josh. Another thing thats weird to me. Why buck was so suprised and hurt on abby's behave for what tommy did? I know what tommy did is not right, but tommy used to be a closeted gay men when he was younger. We all know that and so does buck. He was probably spend most of his life being in the closet than out. Which means he probably had girlfriends in the past and hook up with guys in secret. Like most all closeted gays do at the time?. I mean I know this is 2024 but buck is not a teenager. He's young but not that young. He's what, 30, 33? I'm 30 and even I know how hard it was for the gays in the past. A lot of them hiding in the closet meaning they maybe had girlfriends and even wife. Even I know and understand why they had to do that. And buck doesnt and got angry about it? And what the hell about that speech about post glee stuff. I know a lot of people like it but its not my favourite. It just seems cheezy and frankly unnecesarry because a man at buck's age should've known all that stuff already.

It seems like buck had build up a perfect image of tommy in his mind. His first impression of tommy is that he's so cool and feel threatened by him which turn out to be a crush. And he look up to tommy and admired him which is cute and all. But then he saw this flaw of tommy and he got dissapointed. I think he should know that not everyone is perfect not even tommy. But its not good to have that kind of high expectation to anyone, even your own partner. They gonna have flaws and weakness.

Making buck asking tommy to move in after all that knowledge about abby and gay history is another weird move. How come he got that idea after all that. Another thing to blame the writers about. Not to mention making tommy feels like that is the end of their relationship. He could have just said it was too soon which it is. It is too soon and clearly tommy is not ready for it. A lot of couple survive through that. Its not a marriage proposal. Most doesnt work out after a rejection of proposal but this is not it. They could've work it out. Its like the writers in ep 5 is totally different from ep 6. I have read a lot of fanfiction that are a lot better than this mess of storyline.

[wez-star]

in the end it's him and i [nell jackson x reader]

Summary: captain jackson turns out not to be dead

Reader is love quinn kinda crazy

This is just a quick story non-smutt. im working on those requests i never got to writing bc of life (i got a crush)

ao3 wattpad

God, these stools are uncomfortable. I look at nell behind the counter as she pours me a drink.

"Here you go." she slid the glass to me and smiled. This situationship has taken more of a toll on me than i expected. "Thank you" i smile at her. "You're welcom dear" she responds with the slightest smirk

The bell above the door rings, and i draw my attention to a man around the age of 28 stepped into the pub. I glance over at nell

Her face dropped as if she had just seen a dead man. "Nell!" the man exclaimes and nell runs towards him, i mean she basically jumps into his arms

Who the fuck is this?!

"Roxy! george! Come down here!" Nell shouts, and about 30 seconds later, her 2 little sisters are in the room with us. "This is my husband, captain jack!"

Excuse me?!

"I thought he was dead?" Roxy being the one to speak wha-

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"Hello?" George waved her hand in front of my face "yes?" "You were totally zoned out?" I stare at the small ginger girl for a few seconds before regaining myself and turning my attention towards nell and her husband

"You should come over for dinner tonight! The two of you!" I smille and suggest "that would be lovely" captain Jackson answered before nell could respond. She looks at me with a strange pitying look.

I don't quite remember exactly how i got home, and the next few hours went by. But when my butler sir humphrey comes to inform me that the guest have arrived the anxiety starts kicking in

"Lead them to the dining room and tell them i will be right with them" i tell him and quickly walk towards the garden, i thank god every day that he decided to give my brother cancer, leaving me the only living descendant for my fathers estate and wealth, such a tragedy that my father drowned.

Im not impulsive. Just because i decide to grab wolsbane last minute before dinner does not mean im going to poison nell or her husband, and i certainly would not do it on impulse.

Oh who am i kidding?, when i get to the kitchen where my cheff is preparing dinner i add the wolfsbane to captain jacksons plate. Oh my god i haven't thought this far shit

"Give this plate to that captain jackson" i tell the maid and hurry to the dining room. "Sorry to keep you waiting" i smile and sit across from nell and her husband. "It's fine" nell smiles at me

"I hear you and nell are great friend?" Captain jack says to me as the servants brings us our food. "Yes, we're great friends" i glance towards nell. "Well im glad that nell has found someone to spend time with. I feared she might be lonely without me" fucking ashole

Minute 1

Minute 2

Minute 3

Minute 4

Minute 5

Minute 6

"Are you feeling alright honey?" Nell asks her husband with a concerned face. "Im fine im just a bit drowsy" shit i need to get nell out of here. "One of my servants amber is great with medicine im sure she'll have somthing for you" i say to them "really?" God she sounds hopeful "yes i just don't know where sir Humphrey has ran off to" i look around the room. "I'll go get her myselfs" nell quickly gets up and walks off to find amber.

Amber was my brothers mistress, she jumped in front off a train 5 years ago

1

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Captain jackson falls over with his face in his plate. Shit okay. I quickly get up and dragg him down to my wine cellar. I still dont know why my father had a cage put in here but atleast it comes to my advantage today.

I quickly putt him in the cage and run back up the stairs to the dining room exactly 5 seconds before nell walks back in. "I cant find her- where's captain jackson?" I look up at her "oh he went to lie down" i smile at her "where?" "In the guest room" for once stop being so pushy nell jackson "I think it's best if we go home, for him" nell sighed. "Do you love him?" She looks me confused "of course i do he's my husband"

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////__////////////////

"You should take some wine with you!" I smile "i have plenty" nell smiles "thank you" i return the smile and lead her to the wine cellar and open the door following down the stairs behind her.

Shit how do i always find myself in these predicaments. How do i do this without nell dropkicking me againts a wall? To say my anxiety grew as we walks down the stairs is an understatement.

It takes nell an entire half of a second to see her husband in a cage. Stopping dead in her tracks. Time to act fast. I quickly grab a full wine bottle off of the racks lining the walls. I can see her slowly starting to turn around to face me.

"No one will ever love you like i do nell"

Not a fluent thought goes through my mind as i hit her ever the head with the bottle, knocking her out cold.

[bonesofwomanhood]

Things managed to get worse somehow. I dont even know what to say, i talk a lot but somehow i'm speechless.

My dad pays my rent while i pay the rest which is not a good deal as i want to pay rent myself (mostly so i can stop talking to him) but whatever. I live by myself because living with him meant i was gonna kill myself and i almost did. Good, right?

Well, i have been looking for a job -an actual job, not the freelancing stuff i do since i was 18- for months now and i had my mind set on it. Get a job, stay away from everyone, easy, right? Except that our country is in 2001 2.0 so yeah, oh Argentina always being my toxic boyfriend.

There's a huge chance i end up living with him again, unless a miracle happens and i get hired which i hope will happen but if it hasn't happened in months... and im terrified, honestly.

I have done a few advances, very little but still, good enough for me. If i go with him, i cant leave the house as in, due to my phobia, i will not be able to go to the fucking garden (reason why i moved out years ago) i cant eat or sleep properly there because i'm just terrified. I cant stand being with him all day. If i move, finding a place to go when i finally move out will be harder and i dont think i will make it and i had also just really made up my mind on not talking to him. God.

It's in moments like this one when i hate myself the most. If i was healthy, if my agoraphobia didn't exist then i would have more chances on doing something, right? And it's so pathetic, i'm so pathetic.

When i think about basic things like working out of home, taking a bus, going on dates -things i should be able to do, as girls my age do- i feel so stupid. If you look for the word pathetic you'll find a picture of me.

All i think about since my birthday in november is that, getting a job outside of home, going on dates, going somewhere by bus with friends, having children... the realisation that i wont have children has destroyed me, how can i be a good mother when i cant even take them to school? And i want a kid so badly, i have her name chosen, God.

Every day is a realisation of the things i cant do, if i ever somehow become able to do them, they're not gonna be "organic" or whatever, im not gonna enjoy them. The little things i can do -going by car (which btw is so expensive so i can barely do that!!) to a restaurant and eat inside- i dont really enjoy, im always just, terrified but i do them because of course i want to do things other than be home and of course i want to spend time with people i love! But it always ends up in fighting because i spend *my* money so i can go by car and because we eat inside of the restaurant instead of outside under the sun and and and... its tiring. And now this.

Since my birthday i've had this feeling that i wont live until im 30. Being 24 terrifies me, i've been sick since i was 6, i cant just go back in time and each second that goes by with me being me is a lost second, a lost minute, a wasted life. As soon as i turned 24 i had this feeling of "this is it" like, no matter what i do, my life was gonna end around 25. I accidentally saw a few stuff that triggered me and made that thought even more realistic and so, since november, that's all i think about and now... what if i was right? I have no other choice. Either a miracle happens and i get a job or i die, i cant go back there so i dont really see many options.

I always knew if i die, it's my dad who will find me, he is the one that lives closer. I dont think i care tbh, whatever!! But this just makes me think, what if this is just it? I dont think i care about my future anyway, i dont have many plans, althought the fact that i've been crying so hard over this, well...

I dont know. And the other day a friend texted me a lot and i didn't reply and she called me terrified thinking i had killed myself and i laughed it off but i feel like the worst person in the world.

I feel like an attention seeker and that makes me feel so humilliated but whatever, this is like screaming into the void so that's good.

[sosos-adventures-dc]

April 29/30: Games and the Capitol

You know when you are going on vacation and usually plan most of what you wanna see ahead? Well after 6 weeks in Vietnam, a lost backpack in Dubai(???) and my cats death I did not really have had much time to come up with a plan. Thankfully Joey, Reilly and Reillys coworker gave me a list of recommendations about what to do and see. So I spend all day making a plan and booking tickets. Nothing special. But in the evening we met with Joey and his friends at boardroom in DC. Uts a bar with many boardgames and also chess tournaments. I dont know why Munich hasnt come up with a boardgamesbar yet. These places are just awesome. We ended up playing clue conspiracy. So basically the game clue but with a touch of mafia. And that was nor easy to understand. Almost every round Christine told us we did something wrong. But as we are all really good at games we figured it all out and even ended up playing another round.

The next day I went to the Capitol. You know how people usuall spend between 2 and 3 hours in there? I ended up spending all day in there (9:40am-4:50pm).. how did that happen? Well you have to book a tour in advance and the only free spot left that week was at 9:50am. I thought this could be fun because that would require me to get up early and have a lot of the day left to check out other things... However this is how it turned out to be: After doing the classic Capitol guided tour I signed up for 2 more tours. The womens rights tour and the senetor halls tour. The second one was kind of late and I had to wait an hour inbetween. Which was fine because I had to get something to eat. They have a small cafeteria there so I got a cake :) they also had really cool white chocilate capitol desserts.

The tours itself were really interesting. I saw the star that shows the center of the street numbering of Washington. So all the streets are located based on that star. Really cool.

Getting in was a little crazy. First you are not allowed to bring any food or drinks with you.. but the bad part was all the kids.. so many school trips to the capitol. There was even an army of teenagers wearing the exact same outfit.. really spooky.

The second tour was all about the development of womens rights represented in the Capitol. In that tour they mention how the women are represented in the pictures and which statues are in the hall with all the statues (I forgot the name of it oooopsie). The last tour was the most exciting one. Not because we saw some of the the senates chambers and halls but because the tour guide gave us the hint to check out the 118th congress session. So thats how you end up spending a day in the capitol. You wait for over 1.5 hours to see some senators. For foreigners this is actually quite easy. You just go to a box office inside the capitol and show your ID. Then they hand you out a little paper card allowing you to enter. For US citizens its way more complicated. They have to get to a senators office (??) or was it one of the representatives.. I forgot. Complicated. Anyway. Easier as a foreigner :) I first joined a group from my guided tour to see the house session. That was actually impressive. You have to store all your stuff in a box and then they do a full body scan. And tgen you can enter without your phone and walk along the halls of the capitol. This looked so official and special. In the end we ended up in a big room upstairs looking down to where the action happened. People discussing politics. Mostly old white guys proposing things.. seing the senators in action wasnt as easy sadly. Same process but longer lines. And then we ended up waiting for so long until finally one senator showed up and read out sometjing for about 5 minutes and then left. The cool part was that we got to keep the seating chart of all 100 senators and an explanation about how it all works. Sometimes the vice president even shows up to the meetings. Sadly that day there was an older guy sitting there instead representing the president. And here is the tjing. The senators have ro adress that guy as the president, as he is his representation in that moment. And that guy didnt even really care. He was on his phone and once they said Mr. President again he quickly put his phone away and started to listen again. So what did I learn? Waiting to watch some politics happen takes time. And then almost nothing actually happens.

Anyway. Here are some impressions of my day at the capitol:

[focusandrelaxforme]

Documenting My Subject's Hypno Slavery Journey (Part 4)

And so the training continues. A few notes before we get to the entry:

- A few of you have asked if I have a guide or something I'm using to train her. The answer is no. For the most part, I'm improvising. I do have a general idea of what I want to accomplish. Aside from the obedience/submission, she's expressed a desire to get healthier, so I've started her on an exercise regiment, carefully monitoring her so she doesn't overdo it.

- This entry includes a sexual encounter with her husband. Part of that encounter involves testing her ability to stay blank and mindless while carrying out orders. This also includes waking up with no memory or awareness of what happened. As such, I've had her write a small addendum about her reaction to reading about what she did with her husband but has no memory of.

- This training of her obedience when it comes to memory and awareness is a particular interest of mine, so will likely continue in various ways as we continue this.

- As always, your feedback and support are greatly appreciated.

Enough of me, here's the lady herself.

--------

Dear Diary.

Today was the first day since talking to Master that I have had to go to work. I woke up st 6:30 and instantly felt my pussy aching from emptiness. I reached over and grabbed my lush off my nightstand and slowly pressed the toy back into my needy, obedient pussy until I felt sufficiently full again for my Master. Ahh.. much better. Why does it feel so good to be full. I then had to get ready for my day and head to work. I spent most of my day forgetting that I had my lush inside me.. the only time I thought of it was when I had thoughts of my Master playing with me.

We didn't get to talk much today, but my Master is so thoughtful and checks in with me all day. I have never felt so cared for as a slave.

Then I came home for a bit and went to a therapy session. Isn't it crazy that I spend all day with a lush pressed in me, and no one knows.. How dirty. I love being able to be a good girl to everyone.. but so unbelievely dirty inside. Master is bringing it out so well. I am curious to see how it will feel when master finally tuens on the toy for me. Will I feel it?

Tonight after I worked out (with my lush still in!) and took my shower, Master was home and ready to play with me. We experiemented more with covert hypnosis. He is a big fan of it. Usually, it doesn't work on me. At least that I know of. Until tonight.. . When Master put me deep into a sleepy hypnosis where he convinced me to give my husband a blow job. I had full intentions of complaining if Master asked me.. because honestly, sometimes they are very unappealing with someone who isn't dominant to me.. I Long for a throat fucking from a rough Dom.. with a fist full of hair and lots of drool. So tonight I did that myself. I felt animalistic as I kneeled down in front of my husband. By this point Master had made me remove my lush and replace it with my large dildo. This has become a nightly tradition, it seems. Lord, please dont make me wear the dildo to work Master. It's hard to walk with it

Anyway.. i knelt before my husband and teased the end of his cock with my tongue.. and licked so gently.. then moved to his balls and did the same.

I have such an oral fixation.. i love anything in my mouth. I quickly became more agressive and pressed his cock into the back of my throat. My husband was taken aback amd made a few swears and remarks. Haha. He likes to do this thing where he avoids cumming. It makes me very angry. I am never able to get him to finish in my mouth.. mostly because he knows I have a fear of cum . The taste and stickiness.. bleh. But the thought of being covered in it for my Master is so appealing. I took my husbands cock over and over in my mouth..gagging and drooling all over it.. pretending my master was taking my mouth. Then he decided to pull my shirt up and fuck my boobs.. he didn’t ask permission for that.. hopefully it was ok. Sorry Master . Then i stuck out my tongue and begged for his cum. He came in a tissue for me..because he feels bad. . But I got so much pleasure from being so obedient and making my husband cum for my Master. Its so weird how much I enjoyed it.

When Master woke me.. i was unaware of anything that had happened. Just that I was a little tired. Then he used my magic words and convinced me to remove and lick my dildo and slide it back into my pussy. Mmm I loved licking it. I then was told to fuck myself until I came. I wasnt allowed to feel the build up. And once I came, I wasn't allowed to know how or why I came. I only knew that I had extreme pleasure. I was floating on a cloud, and then Master brought me here.

Idk if I like not being aware of my orgasm.. i love the build-up.. and i love feeling full and the dildo stretching me. But the thought of not knowing is so extremely hot and exciting. Ooof. As my husband would say. Youre such a slut and I love it.

Until next time,

The very slutty deeply hypnotized slave.

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Thoughts on my journal:

I can honestly say that I dont remember most of that journal entry. It feels like a hazy dream reading it. Did all of that actually happen? Was it just put into my head? I am too embarrassed to ask my husband about it. It was very hot to read my experiences.. it felt like someone else wrote it for me. Its such an odd feeling..

-kittysub

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[21dayproject]

June 19 2023, pre day 1

ok, this is going to be one long post, so you'll have to soldier through this one.

so, lets begin with introductions! hi, im an average 15 year old indian girl.

my time during the lockdown was spent in a vortex of self hate, self doubt and bouts of depression and sometimes suicidal thoughts. but im indian, we dont do communication. i decided to fix my mental state myself, and to do that i had to fix me. from scratch. total reboot.

so in the ninth grade, when the lockdown ended and school began, i started implementing tiny changes in my routine and lifestyle that really helped me out.

for one, i started working out, eating healthy and eating in proper quantities, i lost 6 kilograms. this curbed half the insecurities i had and fixed half my problem and also acted as a pretty good distraction. i went from chubby to the tall and thin bodytype.

secondly, socialising and reverse socialising. i made a group of amazing friends, who are basically my platonic soulmates at this point, but i also cut people off. because a part of my self doubt and negativity came from people who were overly competitive and discouraging and basically drained my energy. so i invested my energy in people who would give me back positivity and happiness.

thirdly, academics. i worked really hard figuring out a schedule which changed me from a student with a mix of A's and B's to a straight A student.

soon, my suicidal thoughts disappeared, i was more confident and happy, i talked a lot more, i felt more at peace.

So. my thesis was that most of my negative headspace was caused by staying alone for too long, doing nothing and just being lazy and unproductive, and i may offend A LOT of people with this statement, but i truly believe depression is just a self induced state of mind and it is self curable and doesnt need to be treated with medication.

so if i managed to get my life back on track i should be able to upgrade too. now that i cured myself, i should work on my goals and start working towards my future. because, i know, if i get back to being comfortable with no aims or aspirations, ill be back to square one. so, i sat down and physically wrote down what i want to achieve in the next 5 years:

1) score above 95 percent in boards

2) get a strong, lean, HEALTHY body

3) have clear skin and healthy hair

4) win a watty's award and get an art account on instagram with a good amount of followers

5) get a degree from an ivy league university

7) have a good circle of friend whilst maintaining a close connection with my family

8) get a well paying stem oriented job, preferably at pharma or cosmetic manufacturing.

9) buy a bike, preferably a royal Enfield

10) afford a one bedroom apartment, with a pretty view.

yes, the standards are high, but its fine. the higher i aim, the more ill push, and the more i can achieve. but this 5 year plan is split into segments and stages and the first stage is the 21 DAY PROJECT. a lifestyle change in 21 days to build habits and set a schedule which will act as a base to achieve my goals in the future. every single day of the 21 day project will be me following a set schedule, achieving the same daily goals and building a new routine. so each day of the 21 day challenge i will:

2)study: 3 hours a day, two hours post school and an hour post dinner

1) workout: weights, abs training, legs

3) spend an hour towards my hobbies: writing, reading, art

4) follow a bare minimum skin care routine: 3 litres of water, sunscreen and moisturizing

5) stay in touch with my family: regular conversations with my parents and weekly calls to my grandparents

6) minimise screentime: to 30 minutes a day, maximum 1 hour.

Ofcourse, breaks included, because then life would be dull and filled with anxiety and stress. so, ill ensure to catch up with friends, watch my favorite shows and take it easy on the weekends.

ill update this blog everyday and share how much i achieved, what i couldnt achieve, why and also what i learn along the way, because self improvement isnt like those cute pinterest aesthetic photos. its grueling, difficult and hard to achieve and i want to share every single detail, including the not so glam ones. so if you want to see an actual mental and physical level up, gain guidance or motivation, or just cheer a fellow stranger on, maybe click that follow button and be part of the journey.

-here's hoping, M

[namtanlovesfilm]

youtube anon here!! omg thank you!! sorry im so late with this i was busy bc deepavali + wanted to make sure id thought of everything to ask ahsjdjdkf and ofc if you decide not to reply to this i understand as well, so really no pressure at all, okay? 😊 what software do you use to edit your videos? what made you decide to start making videos? do your videos get taken down bc of copyright? how do you deal if/when that happens? what are some of your favourite kinds of videos to make, and why? how long do you usually spend on a video (idea conception, filming, editing etc)? and since i know you from this blog, even before you started making videos: do you have any advice about putting out content in fandom? bc you make gifs + write + make videos and like. idk im just wondering if you ever feel shy about posting? (not that you should bc for real everything you put out is great- including all the off pictures you keep posting… thank you for that btw i dont have social media so thats the only way i get to see his beautiful face) i guess it sounds stupid but IM really really shy and the thought of putting anything out there for anyone at all to see makes me want to hide forever sdjfhskjg but like. i kinda want to make video edits too. mostly for myself as like a visual journal thing? like its a personal project. but i thought okay since im putting in so much effort why not share it with other people too? and id love if people discovered new music + shows bc of me yknow? but yeah anyway like. how do you deal with it if you ever feel that way? thats all i can think of for now, wow this got LONG. i hope its not too much rip. and again thank you for letting me ask you these questions ❤️

hi, OOF you really had QUESTIONS lmaooooo

I use the free software shortcut to edit my videos. I hate it & it's very slow which makes my already least favorite part of the video making, editing, even worse (:

I decided to start making videos bc 1) I saw a gap in the youtube market where people who talked about bl either did reactions or short analyses without showing their faces. 2) there were many topics that were easier to tackle in a longer video than a blog post. 3) if I were to be able to make a living off of youtube (which will not happen but wish I had known that then lol) it would solve most of my problems & allow me to combine pretty much all of my interests at once.

my videos ABSOLUTELY get taken down bc of copyright, if you look through my community page I've talked about that many times.

when that happens, I always appeal but most of the time it doesn't work, which means I spent 30+ hours MINIMUM on something that will never see the light of day (: it's in big part why I'm switching to thailand focused content instead of thai series content tbh, it was very heavy on my mental health for a hobby that takes so many hours out of me every week. not worth it.

my favorite kinds of videos to film are definitely my ranking ones or reaction ones bc they demand very little preparation & scripting and are just about me rambling for 2 hours, but my ranking ones take FOREVER to edit so on that part any non scripted video is the worst haha

the time spent on a video really depends, but usually the writing of a video takes me between 3 to 6 hours, the filming takes me 2 hours & the editing takes me a good 20 hours (funny bc I hate editing so much lmaooooo.) but some videos have only taken me 10 hours (short reactions), while others have taken me well above 50 (longer commentary ones.)

about putting out content in fandom, you're right in saying that I've basically done every kind of content LMAO. honestly the faceless one like giffing, writing fics, making fanvids, etc. is easy? like it needs to come from a drive of wanting to do it but bc your personal image isn't really attached to it, I feel like the trial & error is easier? if you wanna stop tomorrow no one will really care? but when I started making videos that demand significantly more time & that have my face clearly attached to it, that's when the doubts started creeping in. I never feel shy bc I just haven't been shy in a while, but I do feel ashamed to talk to irl people about my videos bc they aren't successful & I've invested over 2 years of my life in them so it's just kinda pathetic LMAO. but about you being shy, you can focus on the fact that it's the internet? like if you really don't want anyone to know it's your fanvids, create a new username & post them under it, bc then literally NO ONE will know it's you. to be honest it's taken me years but I've gotten rid of the notion of "cringe" and "embarrassment" out of my vocabulary. just do what makes you happy bc people will hate on you no matter what. I just know I personally want to live my life authentically & not filter it just so MAYBE I'm not as hated. so yeah, I hope you DO get to create the fanvids you want & good luck with that! thanks for the support as well, it means a lot <3

xxx

[antiloreolympus]

6 Anti LO Asks

1. You know, wouldn’t it be good conflict if the underworld was actually bad to Persephone and was actually slowly killing/poisoning her? Because not only would it give reason as to why she’d have to spend time away from it for six months (for her own safety/life) but also add some actual weight to her relationship to hades and her wanting to be with him despite the odds and threat to herself, as well as some needed tragedy and bittersweetness that makes HxP such an enduring relationship. But I doubt that will happen, Rachel seems more hellbent on making sure the Underworld is the best place ever and absolutely nothing negative must be associated with it, so the red eyes and her “smelling of death” (weird flex but ok) is nothing but another wasted idea of caring more about cheap “girl boss” aesthetics than actually putting thought and actual stakes in this story.

2. Just a rant, but when Persephone calls Artemis to tell her about Apollo and then hangs up before explanation, that’s fine it’s hard to do those things, but to go shopping and make out with the boss after that is just cringe writing in my opinion. And then turn his sorta ex into a plant. (I know they broke up BUT you get like a 30 day window in my book before it’s official official)

3. thats also what i dont get??? isnt rachel a kiwi??? why is LO so american for? and im american! even pjo and hadestown take place in america or american settings and yet still stay closer to the mythology than LO does, and its supposed to be in actual greece!

4. Does anyone do work in LO? Like everyone seems to laze around, doing fuck all and not actually managing their aspects or controlling humanity or anything. Hades doesn't do shit, Persephone doesn't do shit, Hera doesn't do shit. The universe must be a fucking MESS since all the gods are on infinity vacation.

5. I think that red and pink can look good together, but when they are in good shades. the shade of persephone - is darker and more colder pink that dont look very good with this red.

6. what'ss the pom theory? is it that shes going to eat the pom at the trial be like AHAHA YOU CANT JAIL ME NOW IM THE QUEEN or something? bc i honestly wouldnt put it past rachel to pull something that stupid because her deluded fans are already fine excusing mass murder as "girl power" and hades' manipulation on persephone as "cute and romantic" so pulling some wild deus ex machina to get persephone out of jail via fertility nuking fruit definitely isnt out of the realm of possibilities here 😑

[falcqns]

Not shifting related but, I’m glad that getting your adhd diagnosis has helped your mental health! 💜 from, someone who is considering whether she should seek a diagnosis herself

hi bby!! thank you so much!!

and if you feel like you want that, go for it! its definitely scary, and it took my MONTHS to work up the courage to make that phone call to my doctors. theres some conflicting info out there about how to get a diagnosis, so here's what i did to get mine:

i made an appointment with the doctor for just adhd. i called and said "i think i might have ADHD and was wondering if i could talk to [doctors name] about possibly getting a diagnosis?" and they scheduled me in.

at the appointment, they had me fill out an ADHD Self Report. i don't know where you're from, but this is what it looks like in ontario:

3. the doctor came in, and we discussed why i was there, why i was searching for a diagnosis, and asked me things like "have your parents thought about getting one when you were younger?" "did your teachers ever talk to your parents about missing assignments often" "did you struggle a lot in school" and "were you in a lot of sports and activities as a child" (which i was, like 40 hours a week i was either at bible club, basketball practise, school, dance, karate, or swimming) and then he went over the checklist.

4. he said that i had hit the top few markers for diagnosing adhd in adults, and that he didn't even want to refer me to a specialist because he could see that i definitely had it. not all doctors can do this, but mine is trained in psychology, and can diagnose things like adhd and autism, but he often likes to get a second opinion just in case.

5. we discussed certain treatments available, and he gave me options for my medication. he went very in depth in explaining what exactly adhd is, how it forms, how its treated, and what the medications were and the specific doses and things and gave me his opinion, but said the choice was ultimately up to me. we made a decision based on my work and school schedule and settled on Vyvanse.

6. he did send me for some testing (bloodwork and ecg) just to ensure i didn't have any conditions that could conflict with Vyvanse and cause permanent damage, and then scheduled a follow up.

it was definitely really easy for me, but i know that its not easy for everyone. i know some people spend years trying to get a diagnosis, and i am fully aware i got lucky.

i don't know what medication you'll be put on, but if you're put on a stimulant, such as Vyvanse, here's my experience and some tips: 1. always, ALWAYS, eat before you take them. they are a stimulant, and there fore will repress your appetite. that doesn't mean you won't be hungry, it just means you wont be able to feel or recognize your hunger cues.

2. don't worry about coffee conflicting with it. coffee and sports drinks don't work for people with adhd the same way they'd work for people without it. our brains are short in dopamine, and from my knowledge and what my doctor told me (i might be misremembering), because our brains are short in dopamine, we don't get the same 'rush of energy' as a non adhd person because our brains just dont have the dopamine to provide it. your medication will provide you with that boost, so theoretically, you could condition your body to respond to caffeine by taking your meds with coffee, but dont hold me to that, i could be wrong lol.

3. prepare for a rough first week. i was on 30mg for one week, 40mg for two weeks, and 50mg for the next month, and now am on 60mg. the first week of starting each dose was rough. when the medication was working, i was fine. i have tons of energy, im happier, and a lot less anxious. but by the time 5:30 rolls around, i'm completely different. im hangry, im overstimulated, and severely irritable. this is not you being a bitch when this happens, this is just your medication, so don't feel guilty about yelling or screaming at your family, because its just a side effect, and wont last more than a week.

4. take melatonin if you cant fall asleep! it works wonders, and doesnt conflict with the meds at all.

5. you might feel an urge to stim more, and i say give into it, as long as you arent hurting yourself or someone else. so rock, flap your hands, tap your feet and hum as much as you want!

6. don't feel pressured to change immediately. it will take time, but i guarantee you'll see a small shift in yourself right away. i know i did.

7. don't feel shame for needing a break, or feeling bad because you missed a dose. as long as you are taking the medication regularly, it will work! my best friend was diagnosed a week after i was, and only takes hers monday-friday, because thats when she needs it. she also likes to party a lot, and is a drinker, and her meds can conflict and cause some problems, so she doesnt take them! but she takes them mon-fri, and they still work. your meds and your body are yours, and you know yourself better than anyone else. if you need a break, take that break. you'll feel better.

i hope this helped, my love, and good luck on getting your diagnosis. it may seem scary, but the scariest part is taking that first step. i believe in you, good luck! <3

[neversatisfiedwithlife]

for the mostly likely to thing, i saw these questions on a glee page awhile ago, but if you want to answer them for cazzie that’d be great :p

1. Who spends almost all their money on the other?

2. Which one drives the car and which one gives them directions?

3. Which one gives the other a piggyback ride when they’re tired?

4. Who is the most affectionate?

5. Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?

6. Who wakes up first?

7. Who apologizes first after an argument?

8. Who is the nerd?

9. Who makes the other one laugh the most?

10. Who sleep talks?

11. Who hogs the blankets at night?

12. Who is the neat freak?

13. Who likes to surprise the other with random gifts?

14. Who buys the healthy food in the house?

15. Who has better music taste?

16. Who takes care of the spiders?

17. Who uses more nicknames

18. Who’s the little spoon?

19. Who suggests scary movies for film night?

20. Who gets jealous more often?

21. Who brings up kids first?

22. Who borrows who’s clothes more?

23. Who cries more during sad movies?

24. Who falls asleep on the other more?

25. Who says I love you more?

26. Who initiates kisses more?

27. Who initiates hugs more?

28. Who takes more pictures of the other?

29. Who leaves notes for the other one around the house?

30. Who gets drunk faster?

31. Who gets hit on more by strangers?

32. Who makes food for the house more often?

Most likely to:

(I love that you found it on a glee page! Anyways of course I want to do them!!!)

This is long so get comfortable besties😌 I didn't proof read so all mistakes are on purpose.

Spend their money on the other: Casey would spend a larger portion of her money on Izzie or just like on things they can do together. (I think Izzie would just be engrain to make her money go as fat as it can so she's more restrained or critiac about how/where she spends her money)

Which one drives the car: this one is simple, its Casey. Do we even know if Izzie drives? (Like ideally being the one who takes care of her siblings it'd help, but anyways. Yes Casey is the driver, I can see Casey love being the one behind the wheel. Also how she was with Sam I could see her as a back seat driver or like "why didn't you take this route" just asking stuff even if she tries not to. So in the end it's just easier to have her drive lol)

Which one gives the other a piggy back ride: we saw Casey lift Izzie up so I'm obligated to say Casey! (Okay so picture after a track practice Izzie is really exhausted; the work load of school and babysitting her siblings really hitting her that week. Casey offers her a piggy back ride, Izzie is skeptical at first, but Casey is so reassuring about it)

Who is the most affectionate: ooh this one is hard overall I think I'd say Izzie, Casey more initiates kissing, but Izzie just likes to be touching Casey. (While watching tv Izzie will have her hand resting on Casey's leg, or like sit close enough to where their shoulders touch, the way Izzie stretches out herself on top of Casey when they're in her bed. Izzie initiates hand holding)

Who falls asleep in the others lap: Izzie established cannot stay up for the life of her plus again we got the cazzie bridal style carrying scene!! (I think even more cuddled up to Casey she definitely can't stay awake, she'd just feel so safe and at ease. Lights out comes quickly lol)

Who wakes up first: Izzie is up first, again this is me seeing her as the caretaker of her siblings and not going on Casey's painful track running schedule. (Ik in that one episode Casey is up first, but casey was trying to avoid Izzie, anyways Izzie probably has to get her siblings up for school or just make sure they're fed and what not so I can see her generally being conditioned to wake up first.)

Who apologize first after an argument: I feel like this totally depends on the argument; who/what started it and what it's about. Generally both are good at apologizing and don't stretch out the argument (sorry if that's like a cop out and not a definitive answer)

Who is the nerd: Izzie without a doubt (i feel like she enjoys learning new things. Maybe she doesn't necessarily love studying school material all the time, but also I feel like maybe studying started as an escape or distraction from always being her siblings care taker and soon she just learned to love it. Or just loved knowledge)

Who makes the other one laugh the most: I say Casey, they both definitely make each other laugh but Casey takes it to another level. (Like when paige is at the door and Casey is like "do you think that's them here to kick us out in person". Casey uses humor to help Izzie unwind when she's too in her head about stuff.)

Who sleep talks: Casey, why do I feel like one of them actually slept tall? Am I hallucinating...what is happening. (Anyways I feel like Casey like if she had a nightmare or something she'd mumble in her sleep and like startle awake. Or of she's really stressed and overwhelmed she's in a more restless type sleeping state)

Who hogs the blankets: (I did answer this) But Casey hogs the covers, I'll add that Izzie is fine just curling up in a ball above the blankets and fall asleep. (Why did I have the thought they're doing laundry the blankets aren't dried yet but when they finally dry Casey finds Izzie sound asleep on the blanket less bed)

Who is the neat freak: I wouldn't say either of them are nec a neat freak, but I feel Izzie would want things in particular locations and Casey can just roll with it.

Who likes to surprise the other with random gifts: Izzie, though she doesn't spend large portions of her money she likes finding small things,knickknacks or like stuffed animals or just like a sweet, that will make Casey happy. (Having younger siblings that she actively has to care for has taught her that it doesn't matter the size of the gift or if it's sparkly)

Who buys the healthy food: Casey clearly didn't approve of Elsa's green stuff sticking out of the back so definitely Izzie. (Izzie enjoys her fare share of snacks but she knows the day has to be balanced with more than "empty" calories. She is patient though in finding the healthy stuff that Casey actually likes.)

Who has better music taste: I'd say Casey in that she would have a more diverse music taste, she'd expose herself to more genres and like eras of music (Izzie feels like a whatever is on the radio or popular on the music charts-this is not slander just vibes I get lol)

Who takes care of the spider: definitely Izzie (I can see her being the person who catches and releases it while Casey is just telling her to "squish it, squish it!")

Who uses more nicknames: probably Izzie, I feel like she uses a more diverse collections of nicknames for Casey. Just like whatever fits the moment. (Casey would just use Izz, dude and a choice pet name)

Who's the little spoon: IZZIE!!! Miss curl up into a ball and fall asleep, she'd definitely pull Casey's arms to wrap around herself.

Who suggest scary movies for film night: I think Izzie is the one to coax them into actually watching a movie, but Casey is actually the one who enjoys them more or is just less put off by them? (Casey totally teases her, never goes too far, about it before the movie.)

Who gets jealous more often: I feel like this belongs to Izzie, like she has more self doubt and insecurities about how much she deserves Casey.

Who brings up kids first: Izzie does, maybe they're studying and making useless conversations, they're on the topic of her siblings. (Maybe you'd thing dealing with kids all her life and an unsupportive mom would put her off; but I think it doesn't. I feel like Casey just genuinely never stopped to really think about kids. Or maybe she thinks she wouldn't be good with kids. Like yes shes amazing with Sam, but to her that's not the same. Izzie reassures her she'd make a great parent, if she wanted to be.)

Who borrows who's clothes more: I could see Izzie borrowing a shirt or hoodie to lounge in, but I dont see it regularly. (Also Casey I noticed wears like oversized shirts often so I dont think the fit of Izzie's clothes would satisfy her.)

Who cries more during sad movies: Casey does. It is something she will deny with her entire being, but it's her.

Who falls asleep on the other more: I'll choose a specific situation for this, not a general thing: when they're talking on the phone late at night I actually think Casey would be the one who ends up falling asleep. (Ik this probably meant literally but this is where my brain went)

Who says I love you more: I feel like Casey. (I feel like for Casey the environment she was raised in it just is easier for her to say it, or it comes more naturally. Izzie uses actions to show her love because sometimes the words I love you coming from her own mouth feel foreign).

Who initiates kisses more: Casey, I think she both initiates kisses and "steals" kisses more.

Who initiates hugs more: if I say Casey with no explanation you have to accept it!

Who takes more pictures of the other: Izzie takes more pictures of Casey (I can see Casey as the person who just loves to pull stupid(affectionate) poses that make Izzie laugh. Also idk I feel like Izzie would be less inclined to have her picture taken and Casey would respect that. They would definitely take pictures together inspite of that though because Izzie wants to capture every moment with her girl.)

Who leaves notes for the other around the house: this plays into the nicknames thing, I think Izzie would leave the most cute/ridiculous notes with like the most cute/ridiculous nicknames for Casey. (Ik Casey made the tarot deck but I can just visualize Izzie doing this lol, sue me.)

Who gets drunk faster: Casey. I see Izzie as the one who has more parties in her past, and ofc she drank so she has more tolerance. Especially being at clayton longer with the track gang and Nate 🤢 (Izzie having to take a drunk Casey home early because she can barely stand on her feet securely, this is when Izzie gets to drive 😌)

Who gets hit on more by strangers: I think Izzie, she gets hit on more by disrespectful men and Casey shuts that down right quick.

Who makes food for the house more often: Izzie, I think she totally loves cooking. She loves trying out new recipes and has a bunch of cookbooks.

[write-orflight]

Like Real People Do. Chapter 4

*Gif not mine*

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Rating: M, eventually will be smut.

Words: 2.3k

Warnings: Sexual themes, talk about sex (not NSFW though), fainting, reader just being thirsty in general. 

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

A.N We’re getting into the main crux of the story now! Message to be added to the taglist. thanks for reading! Much love, Cia

                Chapter 4: Why were you digging?  

Months pass and the early spring turns into hot humid D.C summer. You were never a big fan of the summer, you preferred the colder months despite the bad memories you had associated with them. 

Things changed and some things stayed the exact same. You caught bad guys, which was typical, you actually ended up getting tackled by a drunk Unsub once which results in you being out of the field with a broken arm for four weeks. You found a cat in an alley digging through the trash near your apartment one day when you were walking home. You left food out for him since until one day he decided to come up to you. And now you have a cat you affectionately named Garbage. 

You and Ethan (the guy from the bar) had a “situation-ship”, as Garcia liked to call it for about a month and a half. In your opinion, there was no situation-ship, you guys had mediocre sex until he wanted more and was upset you “worked too much”. So when he “broke up” with you, you weren’t really upset. Your heart wasn’t in it anyway. 

You and Spencer never talked about that night at the bar. In fact, you hardly talked at all. Your Saturday’s together stopped, you had no excuse to see each other now you were finished with school. Now that there was no thesis, there was no thesis for him to help with. 

That didn’t stop Spencer from occupying the space in your head rent-free though. You couldn’t help yourself, he was always in the forefront of your mind and frankly it was starting to affect how you worked. It was a paperwork day and everyone was working silently, merely coexisting and since there was nothing really going on your mind couldn’t help but wander. Spencer was sitting across you reading case files, taking occasional notes in a legal pad next to him. Your eyes instantly went to his hands as he traced it down the page as he often did when he was reading. You studied them for a while, long slender fingers resting on massive palms. You never thought you were someone who’d be attracted to hands but the amount of times you thought about them on particularly lonely nights, specifically the things he could do with them. 

Yea, it was enough to make you a cheirophile. 

You went back to watching him when suddenly one of the aforementioned hands were waving in your face. 

“Y/N” he said. “I’ve been calling your name for 3 minutes.” 

“I’m sorry, Spen.” You flush instantly at being caught. “What did you need?” 

“I asked if you had a red pen I could borrow?” 

“Yea.” You rummaged through your drawer, producing the pen in question. His hand brushes yours as he grabs it, you try very hard not to shiver at the contact but you couldn’t help it. “Keep it.” you say. 

“Hey, are you okay?” He says. “You’ve been extremely out of it lately.”

He was right, you have been out of it lately. Spencer was putting you out of it. You hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that night at the bar and your almost kiss. Since then, it was like he was trying to constantly bring your attention to his mouth, whether it was by his habit of stealing lollies from Garcia’s office or the constant biting and licking of his lips whenever he was deep in thought. They had seared their way into your frontal lobe without permission. 

Working with him had become exceptionally hard and an unwelcome distraction, especially out in the field. Last month, the two of you had gone undercover in a nightclub, an unsub had been murdering young couples who were overly affectionate in public, so you had to spend the night practically wrapped around the man you had an insane crush on, breathing in his scent. You sipped your “cocktail” (it was just cranberry juice) as Spencer kept his arm steady around your waist. Eventually, you hear Emily in the earpiece you were wearing. 

“You’ve gotta do more guys if we’re going to draw him out.” She says. 

“Yea and loosen up. If  you guys look uncomfortable, no ones going to believe you’re a couple.” Morgan adds. 

You and Spencer look at each other for a beat.  

“If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, you’ll tell me right?” He whispers to you. You nod instantly. Suddenly Spencer’s arm is tighter around you, pulling you flush to his body. He dips down attaching his lips to your neck and jawline. You gasp, you had not been expecting that at all, you clutch your drink harder other hand moving to his side. He pulls you in tighter somehow, suddenly you feel his hand move downward until he is palming your ass, you bite your lip to keep your composure but his lips suddenly meet that spot behind your earlobe that he couldn’t have possibly known about prior. A quiet moan unintentionally rips through you and you could’ve sworn you felt his fingers twitch, squeezing your ass slightly. Emily and Morgan were right, the Unsub did approach you guys shortly after that and led you into the alley like he did so many couples before only to be met by your badges and guns. 

Then there was the time a couple of months ago when you and Reid had gone to interview a child psychiatrist and discovered that he was a molester. Spencer had been livid talking to the man, making threats that honestly should've been promises to throw the man in jail. You had never seen Spencer angry or at the very least this angry, and for some reason that turned you on beyond belief. 

You decided to close that can of worms and save it for another day. 

“I’m fine, don’t worry about me.” You say, smiling tightly at him turning back to your stack of files. You couldn’t be mad at Spencer for your inability to keep it in your pants while you were working. So that’s what you did, worked and tried to avoid Spencer as much as you could. And if that night from the club replayed in your head often while you were alone in your bed that night like many nights before, it was no one’s business but your own. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the morning, you woke to the sound of construction equipment being used next to your apartment. D.C’s already so dense. What more could they be building?   You thought as you got up to make yourself a much needed cup of coffee. 

Now without your schoolwork or  standing date with Spencer, Saturdays always felt too long. You drank your coffee, read a book, watched some TV and when you looked at the time it was still only noon. You sighed heavily before getting up to get changed. The weather was nice, you hoped a jog would at the very least tire you out so you could waste a couple hours napping. 

So off you went, down the path of a nearby park. You had been jogging for about 30 minutes when you see a familiar shape in the distance. As you get closer you notice it’s exactly who you wanted it to be. 

“Hey, Spen!” You say excitedly as you slow to a stop in front of him. He looks up from the book he was reading on the bench. He smiles once he sees you. “Y/N, Hey.” He says. 

“What’re you doing in the park alone?” You ask. 

He lifts up his book. “I just came to read, thought a change of scenery would do me better than sitting around my apartment.” He says 

“Same here. Now that I finished school, it feels like I have too much time in the day. Now it just feels like I’m doing stuff just to keep myself busy, hence the jogging.” You say lifting your leg slightly, pointing out the running shoes you were wearing. You felt his eyes slowly trail up your bare legs, taking in your form slowly and diligently as if he thought he would forget it all the second he blinked. His eyes finally stopped at yours and you released the breath you didn’t know you holding. 

“Well, I’ll let you get back to your book. I’ve still got 2 miles to go.” You say, as you start to jog away, you hear Spencer call out to you. You stop and turn back. “Yea?” you ask. 

“Umm…” He says trailing off before taking a breath. “I’m going to see a movie later, I was hoping maybe you’d wanna come? It’s in french, but I can whisper-translate for you.” He says. 

“Yea sure, I’m doing anything else.” You say, a little too excitedly. Calm down, Y/N, he didn’t even say it was a date. You think to yourself. “What time should I meet you there?” 

“7?” He says. 

“Great! See you at 7, Reid!” You say before jogging away. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

You leave your house around 6:45, after spending about an hour and a half trying to find something to wear. Since it wasn’t a date, or since he didn't say it was one, you opted for something casual. A pair of comfortable jean shorts and your favorite band’s t-shirt. You did light makeup, and after an inspection in the mirror you decided you looked the right amount of cute and comfortable. 

Spencer was waiting outside the theater when you arrived. He was dressed casually too, a blazer over a simple t-shirt, cuffed jeans and converse. He smiles brightly at you as you walk up to join him. 

He insists on paying for the movie and you have to fight him to get him to let you at least pay for snacks but soon you are seated in the almost empty theater together. 

He moves close to you as the movie starts, whispering translations in your ear. At some point halfway through the movie, his arm ends up around your back as he continues to translate, your hand falls instinctively to his thigh. 

The movie ends eventually, and the two of you begin to walk outside together. You know a really good ice cream place that’s not a far walk from the theatre so you suggest going Spencer instantly says yes. You guys walk in silence for a while before you open your mouth to say something. 

“Can I confess something to you?” You ask him. 

He turns and looks at you. “Yea, what is it?” 

“Je parle quatre langues, dont une est le français.” (I speak four languages, one of which is french.) You say. 

He looks at you incredulously. “Pourquoi m'avez-vous laissé traduire le film entier pour vous?” (Why did you let me translate the entire movie for you?) He asks 

“Tu veux dire, pourquoi t'ai-je laissé chuchoter à mon oreille pendant deux heures d'affilée?” (You mean, Why did I let you whisper in my ear for two hours straight?) You smile flirtatiously at him. “Je suis sûr que tu peux comprendre celui-là.” (I'm sure you can figure that one out) You nudge him with your arm. “Come on, I believe you owe me ice cream.” 

----------------------------------------------------

You and Spencer, deciding you don’t want the night to end just yet,  take your ice cream and walk to a park. You lick lazily at the cone you opted for opposed to the cup he got. You guys seem to try and catch up on everything the two of you had done since your last coffee shop visit. He tells you about the books and Doctor’s journals he’s read. You explain to him the entire plot of the latest season of Drag race. You talk and talk and talk, to the point you don’t even realize it’s getting late. 

“It’s late.” he says, “We should head back.” 

And so you do, the two of you walk back to your cars parked near the movie theatre in semi-silence. As the two of you approach your driver door, you turn to look at each other. 

“This was fun, to hang out, I mean.” You say. 

“Yea, it was.” He adds. “I’d like to do it more, if you don’t mind.” 

You shake your head. “No, I’d love that.” you say. 

He takes a step closer to you and you do the same. This was it, he was finally going to kiss you. He looks down at your lips and up to your eyes again as if searching for the approval you give a quick tiny nod. He smiles, moving a hand to the side of your head leaning into you--

Your phone rings. He takes a step back. 

Moment ruined.   

You look at your caller ID. “It’s Hotch.” you say, he nods at you while you answer the phone “Y/L/N” you say. 

“Y/N/N, you need to meet me at the office. Right now.” He says. 

“Why sir? Is there a case?” You ask. 

“No case.” He says. “Gabriel Ferguson’s date has been set.” 

That name. 

You tried everyday to forget that name. 

The name of the man who took your family. 

Your innocence. 

Your way of life. 

Gabriel Ferguson. 

The Beechwood Killer. 

You freeze. Spencer is watching you, concerned now. ��W-Why do you need me to come in for that?” You stutter. 

“Because… he’s refusing to tell us where he dumped the first bodies.” Hotch pauses. “Until he speaks to you.” 

You drop your phone. 

The last thing you hear is Spencer calling out to you while everything fades to black.

Taglist: @haylaansmi​     @yoruebeautiful​ @kianagilder-blog​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms @dreamer7black​ @baby-banana​ @drreidshands​ @blameitonthenight21​ @slyskyeey​ @liaabsurd​ @di-essere-amato​

[rikiflrts]

— ꒰‧ 𝐃𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐲'𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭 ༉‧₊˚✧

after what seemed like forever, i finally made my own prompt list! if you wish to request for the prompts that you’d like to use with a certain member, then feel free to choose any of the numbers displayed and tell me about them in the ask box (^^).

also: please be specific with the genre that you'd like to imply with your chosen prompts, thank you~ ♡

1.) "i just wanted to give you a hug"

2.) "dumbass we're lost now thanks to you!" " i already got lost in your eyes from the moment i met you but you don't see me complaining."

3.) "please don't talk to me right now, im not in the mood"

4.) "how are you so beautiful?"

5.) "my hoodie looks great on you"

6.) "how could you..."

7.) "i trusted you"

8.) "i didn't tell you to trust me."

9.) "you're leaving? just like that?"

10.) "no stop you're making me blush"

11.) "and if i am?"

12.) "just shut up and let me play with your hair"

13.) "so this is what falling in love feels like"

14.) "how are you even real..?"

15.) "are you being for real right now?"

16.) "...did you just sniff me?"

17.) "if you're that mad then why don't you just take it out on me?"

18.) "i don't mind"

19.) "you dumbass, i said i like you!"

20.) "i used to have this huge crush on you (laughs)" "used to?" "well, yeah.. i dont really like you anymore"

21.) "can i hold your hand?"

22.) "are you nervous?"

23.) "less talking, more working!"

24.) "im in love with an idiot"

25.) "but you promised me that we'd get married!!" "for the love of god, ____ we were 5 when that promise was made!"

26.) "but i still love/like you.."

27.) "this reminded me of you"

28.) "his/her/their smile is really pretty.."

29.) "just confess already!!"

30.) "you're an idiot." "yeah. your idiot."

31.) "are you even paying attention?"

32.) "does it look like i care?"

33.) "i don't really care"

34.) "it's been a while since i last smiled like this"

35.) "oh crap im starting to feel the butterflies again"

36.) "I'm scared, okay?! i can't do it"

37.) "what are you so scared of?"

38.) "im scared of falling.." "dont be, i'll catch you."

39.) "promise..?" "promise."

40.) "i guess promises really were meant to be broken."

41.) "you made a fool out of me!"

42.) "im sorry, its not you.. its me."

43.) "what about our promises??" "what about them?"

44.) "please dont go"

45.) "is/are they/he/she all you're ever going to look at?im already right in front of your attention is still focused on them/him/her."

46.) "that's it..?"

47.) "cuddle with me"

48.) "no."

49.) "his/her/their eyes were like pools; so deep. I fear that if I fall, I might never come out and reach for air."

50.) "i love spending time with you"

51.) "let's just be friends"

52.) "im sorry, im afraid of commitment"

53.) "im afraid of it too. why don't you just take this risk and overcome your fears with me?"

54.) "if its you, then i dont mind."

55.) "i love your smell"

56.) "what's that supposed to mean?"

57.) "first love really never does die huh"

58.) "hey, you look really familiar" "oh, really?" "yeah. you look like my soulmate."

59.) "if you like me so much then just marry me already"

60.) "wait i can do that?!" "your gullibility really amazes me sometimes."

61.) "are you dumb? be honest"

62.) "im not in the mood"

63.) "are you okay?"

64.) "you look horrible" "oh wow gee thanks for pointing that out sherlock"

65.) "what's in it for me?"

66.) "do you..like me?"

67.) "do you like him/her/them?"

68.) "but i wrote you letters.."

69.) "they mean nothing to me."

70.) "wow! i haven't seen you in ages, how have you been?" "we literally just saw each other 5 hours ago."

71.) "wipe that smirk off your face, its annoying"

72.) "aww, why? are you perhaps threatened that you'll end up falling for me?"

73.) "i think im going to puke"

74.) "are you blushing?"

75.) "aren't you tired of comstantly running in my mind?"

76.) "i can't get him/her/them out of my head"

77.) "your laugh sounds really pretty"

78.) "i love how your eyes sparkle whenever you're invested in something"

79.) "im falling"

80.) "oh no im catching feelings"

81.) "do you ever stop talking?"

82.) "let me get that for you"

83.) "its okay, i can pay for myself" "no. i wont let you" "but i have my own mone-" "shut up and let me spoil you!"

84.) "i refuse to stay in the same room with the likes of him/her/them!"

86.) "it was pretty obvious.."

87.) "come here."

88.) "stop doing that to yourself!"

89.) "you deserve better."

90.) "just leave. i dont want to see your face anymore."

91.) "i hate you." "the feeling's mutual."

92.) "didn't i tell you to leave me alone?!"

93.) "was it so wrong to love you..?"

94.) "if you really love me then just stay away from my sight."

95.) "you feel like home"

96.) "i love hugging you, it makes me feel safe"

97.) "i could kiss you right now!" "you're very welcome to do it."

98.) "i can't keep playing pretend"

99.) "let's put an end to this.."

100.) "i think im actually catching feelings"

101.) "this is getting dangerous.."

102.) "give me another chance"

103.) "give me one reason why i shouldnt leave."

104.) "im going to do it! im finally going to confess to him/her/them!"

105.) "you've got to be kidding me.."

106.) "i knew what i signed up for. im not surprised."

107.) "he/she/they has/have stars in his/her/their eyes and im captivated"

108.) "i love you" "nice try, but im not falling for that"

109.) "is it that hard to fall in love with me?!"

110.) "well if you put it that way, then yes."

111.) "you look happy"

112.) "you look happier without me."

113.) "can you guys please change the dare"

114.) "who gave you the right to toy around with my emotions like that?!"

115.) "i got played.."

116.) "stay out of my sight."

117.) "you're an eyesore" "you're an eye candy"

118.) "why are you still here?"

119.) "why..?"

120.) "stop making fun of me!" "make me."

121.) "was i just some kind of sick joke to you?"

122.) " i really like you "

123.) "i don't know how to express my feelings that well but i just want you to know that i'd take a bullet for you"

124.) "i'd do anything just to see you smile like that again"

125.) "what are you staring at?"

126.) "i think i have a crush on you" "you think? you're not even sure?"

127.) "take my hand"

128.) "let's get out of here."

129.) "you should wear my clothes more often"

130.) "i can teach you how"

131.) "I'm here for you"

132.) "you can use me to forget about him/her/them"

133.) "even if the world turns againt us, as long as we have each other, then we'll be alright."

134.) "you're all that i need"

135.) "you're all that i ever wanted"

136.) "you're all that i have"

137.) "please don't leave me"

138.) "I'm sorry."

139.) "look at me."

140.) "look at me and tell me that you don't love me anymore."

141.) "you're an idiot."

142.) "i don't love you anymore."

143.) "did you just drink from my cup?" "and if i did?"

144.) "im going to kill you!" "you don't scare me"

145.) "stay with me a little longer"

146.) "i knew it.."

147.) "i should've known.."

148.) "are you jealous?"

149.) "i made you a playlist"

150.) "when will you ever look my way..?"

151.) "im fine with looking at him/her/them from afar"

152.) "he's/she's/they're out of my league"

151.) "im scared of getting rejected"

152.) "back to square one"

153.) "I'm tired"

154.) "what do you like about me?"

154.) "i'd rather starve than spend time with him/her/them."

155.) "if i'm an idiot, then you're a coward"

156.) "i dreamt about you last night"

157.) "it was a nightmare"

158.) "it's the little things that he/she/they do/does that drive me insane"

159.) "i like you more than i should"

160.) "be mine"

161.) "it was too good to be true.."

162.) "i had a crush on him/her/them"

163.) "i never really thought that i'd end up falling for you"

164.) "you're adorable"

165.) "you mean the world to me"

166.) "you meant the world to me"

167.) "what happened in the past stays in the past"

168.) "careful, you might end up falling for me"

169.) "very funny, mister lover boy"

170.) "lets go out on a date"

171.) "i'm so lucky to have you"

172.) "where are you going?"

173.) "sometimes it really just gotta be like that"

174.) "hello good afternoon, what's your order?" "hell- oh wow.. you please" "im sorry, could you say that again?" "wait no! i meant- uh..oh dear.."

175.) "he's too good for me"

176.) "stop giving me mixed signals"

177.) "i guess it really just wasn't meant to be"

178.) "im not interested in you"

179.) "i cant get him/her/them out of my head"

180.) "where is/are he/she/they?"

181.) "you took my pillow so im going to use you as a pillow"

182.) "why are you avoiding me?"

183.) "did i do something wrong?"

184.) "please talk to me"

185.) "im not even his/her/their ideal type"

186.) "it wouldn't hurt to try"

187.) "you smell like me"

188.) "i like my scent on you"

189.) "that sounds weird if you put it that way"

190.) "can i call you tonight?"

191.) "you should smile more often"

192.) "i hate it when people tell me what to do"

193.) "lets wear matching outfits!"

194.) "im arresting you." "why? i didnt do anything wrong" "yes you did, you stole my heart and i want justice!"

195.) "i guess i got too caught up with my fatasies to notice that he/she/they never really liked me back in the first place.."

196.) "you're the answer to all my prayers"

198.) "you should go home."

199.) "let me come with you"

200.) "run away with me"

last updated: 12/30/20

take me back to navigation ↺

[neocityarchive]

blind love | l.m.k.

— in which mark lee is so much more than just your best friend but you were too blind to realize it.

word count: 7.2k | warnings: light swearing | blind love - lola young |

a/n: i didnt mean for it to be this long but i hope you enjoy!!!

“Just friends,” Mark said, his voice still steady even in the growing tension of the moment. “That’s all you said we are, right?”

Your head dropped down to look at your hands, not knowing what to say. The overbearing guilt of rejecting his sudden confession was crushing your chest that it became painful to breathe.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” was all you could say. You forced yourself to meet his gaze through your already glassy eyes, wanting to let him know the sincerity of your words.

He smiled kindly, shaking his head. There was sadness in his eyes. And in all the years you two have known each other, you could tell how hard he was trying to hide it. “It’s okay. That’s all we’ll be.”

You bumped your head repeatedly against your study table in an attempt to rid yourself of the memory that’s constantly been playing in your head. 

It was a Sunday which meant there were no classes, which meant the university was closed, which meant that you couldn’t even make an excuse to see your best friend Mark who somehow, after almost three years of friendship, suddenly decided that it was a good idea to tell you he loves you more than a friend should love a friend.

You couldn’t say it happened out of nowhere. He’s been saying he has something important to tell you for almost two weeks before the incident but every time you confront him about it, he always makes up some lame excuse to dodge. It took a lot of self-hate for yourself and a nice amount of his protective instinct to finally make him spit it out. 

He came to your apartment that night, finding you barefaced, wearing a pair of sweats and one of his hoodies that you stole some time ago. From that he already knew you weren’t okay. You like wearing his stuff to seek some sort of comfort. Somehow, the smell of his clothes helps calm you down.

You were supposed to help him finish a report but you couldn’t concentrate after getting a below satisfactory grade on a major exam. College has done nothing but give you a shitload of insecurities lately and this just pushed you off the edge. The only thing that has been keeping you sane was the knowledge that you had someone who you can run to at the end of the day. Someone who is willing to listen to your rants and would do almost anything to cheer you up.

That day, however, none of Mark’s usual encouragement worked on you. He was getting frustrated hearing you downplay yourself because of a single exam. You started going on about how stupid you felt, how staying up all night to study did nothing but make you ugly. Mark countered every insult you threw at yourself, throwing in a few jokes here and there, all of which you ignored. But when you went on about how all of this made you unworthy of anything, how no one could possibly love you in this state, he just couldn’t take it anymore.

“I love you,” he snapped, cutting you off from your long self-deprecating speech. 

“You’re my best friend. You’re supposed to say that,” you whined, clearly missing the point.

Mark, on the other hand, was barely holding it all inside. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “No, idiot. I love you. Stop saying no one could love you, because I do. And not just because you’re my best friend.”

It wasn’t until you noticed his hands were quivering that you realized what he really meant. Looking back on it, you couldn’t help but hate yourself. You were sure it took a lot of his courage (and frustration) to come clean to you like that, and you couldn’t even take him seriously at first.

“Mark, no,” you remember telling him.

“I do. I hate that I do, but I do.” He looked away. “I love you and I know you’re feeling burdened right now, but you don’t have to say it back.”

A part of you broke that day. You hated rejecting people after having gone through several rejections yourself. It’s the worst feeling. You always wished there was a way you could always return people’s feelings just so no one would get hurt, but the universe just doesn’t work that way.

You muttered about a hundred sorries to which Mark replied a hundred ‘it’s okay’s. Maybe it was meant to make you feel better, but it just felt like your heart was getting ripped off your chest.

Mark didn’t stay long after that. You didn’t even get to help him with his report. He said sorry for suddenly dropping the L-word and you said sorry for not being able to say it back. He smiled sadly and it took your everything not to cry. He asked if he could hug you and you didn’t even answer. You just went straight into his arms, burying your head in his chest like you’ve done so many times before, breathing heavily to keep yourself from breaking down. And when the two of you pulled away, he insisted on being alone for a while. You said okay followed by another sorry.

You didn’t know “being alone for a while” meant ignoring you for god knows how long. You see him at uni but he wouldn’t even meet your eye. Even when you share the same class, he would choose to sit as far from you as possible. Once, he entered a cafe you were in and upon seeing you inside, he immediately turned around and walked away.

He’s ignoring you and he isn’t even being subtle about it. Mark Lee could never be subtle about anything, not even his feelings. You really were just too blind to realize anything.

Even other people saw how he felt. People used to come up to you all the time and ask about your “boyfriend” Mark. Sure, you would blush, shy that people thought you’re in a relationship with your best friend. When you explain that you weren’t actually dating, you would get the same shocked reaction every time. One of your friends even said you acted more like a couple than most people in a relationship do. You always thought it was just because you and Mark were such good friends.

“Friends don’t hold hands in public,” you remember Renjun saying.

“We don’t hold hands. He just grabs me and drags me to places,” you said defensively.

“And they don’t hug each other and stare at each other’s eyes while talking about pizza,” Jaemin scoffed.

You just rolled your eyes at them. It never crossed your mind that maybe they were right. You and Mark have never acted like how friends should. Maybe it’s the reason why you’re in this mess after all.

You sighed to yourself. You miss him. You can’t even pretend that you don’t. He’s become such a huge part of your everyday life that you couldn’t just ignore the sudden empty space he left when he said he wanted to be alone. You know he needed time to be by himself. But a part of you keeps holding on to his promise that even after his confession, you two would still be friends. And friends text each other, right? So all your attempts at communication depended on just that.

Thursday, 5:31 PM

You: wanna go watch a movie? i’ll buy the tickets.

Mark: cant. i have an exam tomorrow. sorry :/ maybe next time?

You: oh. okay. goodluck on your exam :)

Friday, 2:21 AM

You: [photo] this is possibly the cutest cat photo i’ve seen in awhile

Mark: that’s cute but dogs are still cuter

You: … okay?

Mark: go to sleep, y/n

Friday, 12:03 PM

You: i know you dont have class rn. have lunch w me?

Mark: oh i already ate with jaemin. sorry!!

You: it’s okayyyy :>> i’ll see u later? it’s friday night sooo we can hang out.

Mark: idk the boys already asked me to go out tonight

You: oh okay have fun!

Saturday, 6:54 PM

You: maaaark

Mark: y/nnn

You: [types] i miss you kajdhfhdksjdh [deletes]

You: nothing haha wanna grab some coffee?

Saturday, 7:01 PM

You: nvm haha have a nice nighhhttt

Sunday, 10:21 PM

You: hey can we talk

Mark: ???

You: please?

Mark: ye what about?

You: you said we’d still be friends

Mark: lol aren’t we?

You: this isn’t how friends talk to each other. i miss having an actual conversation with you.

You: we dont even see each other anymore.

Mark: i literally reply more to u than i do to jaem wdym haha

You: wow fine okay

Mark: ?????

You: i guess i deserve that haha

Mark: im tired y/n. night.

You: :( nighttt

You checked your messages for the nth time, reading everything as if something was gonna miraculously change with the cold conversation thread. Your fingers have been hovering over the keypad, typing and deleting ‘i miss you’ and ‘talk to me’ for about a hundred times already.

You don’t get why you can’t just say it. What’s so wrong with telling your best friend you miss him? Why is it so hard to press send? Why are you suddenly so afraid of how he would reply or if he would even reply at all?

It was only 10:30 in the evening. You know for sure Mark is only lying about going to sleep. He never sleeps this early unless he really is tired. He does nothing on Sundays so he can’t possibly be tired. Sundays are usually just the two of you hanging out in his apartment or yours, just to watch movies or study together. So what did he do today?

“Stop thinking about him,” you grumbled to yourself. “It’s just Mark. He’s a big boy, he can handle himself.”

But that’s not the point, a voice inside your head said. Just tell him you miss him.

You typed it again, ‘I miss you,’ but deleted it as soon as it was finished. Again. 

You’ve spent everyday with Mark that it suddenly hurts to think he’s enjoying the time you usually spend together alone. It’s crazy how you can’t stop thinking about how his day went or if he’s okay or whether he’s eaten or not. You know how stubborn he can be. Sometimes, he’d get so engulfed in whatever he’s doing that he would accidentally skip meals unless you remind him otherwise. 

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself. You figured you won’t ever be left at peace if you don’t do anything about whatever you’re feeling, so you decided to text Jaemin.

Sunday, 10:52 PM

You: jaeeem hi :)

Jaemin: y/n!!!!! hello :>

You: sorry for bothering you but have you talked to mark lately?

Jaemin: im talking to him rn haha why? you want me to ask him something?

You: not really hahaha how is he?

Jaemin: haha why not ask him yourself

You: he doesnt wanna talk to me lol pls just answer

Jaemin: he’s stubborn as always. he wont listen to me.

You: why, what’s he doing?

Jaemin: idk but it’s definitely not talking to you ksjdjkd

You: … very funny

Jaemin: sorry lmaooo he’s running on an hour or two of sleep everyday

You: jaemin!! why won’t you scold him?

Jaemin: we do! he just doesn’t listen. u know he only listens to you.

Jaemin: idk why you guys still arent together lmao bunch of idiots tbh

You: we’re just friends

Jaemin: rlly? oh btw mark hyung is looking for his save the bees shirt. did u see it anywhere?

You: yeah he left it here like two weeks ago when he slept over

Jaemin: LMAOOO DOESNT SOUND LIKE FRIENDS TO ME CHIEF

You: i fckingskjfhfn hate you

Jaemin: HJSJSHHDJD ok but seriously tho mark hyung is fine. just give him time, he’ll come around.

Jaemin: he misses you but u didnt hear it from me

Jaemin: ok bye he’s getting suspicious now lol

You: idk how you’re both an angel and the devil at the same time

You: anw thanks jaem. dont tell him i asked about him lol byeee

You sighed, putting your phone down in surrender. Your mind was more of a mess now than it was before you talked to Jaemin. You hate that he makes sense especially about the weird, more-than-friendly dynamics of your relationship with Mark. But more importantly, your head was beginning to be overfilled with worry.

Mark runs on barely two hours of sleep everyday. No wonder he always looks so out of it whenever you see him in the hallway. You wanted to call him, to tell him that he should sleep already, to remind him that he shouldn’t overwork himself, that doing just enough is okay. But you know he doesn’t want to talk to you. The cold replies and the ‘????’ were more than enough to tell you that.

Still, you figured it was worth a try sending him a little reminder. So you grabbed your phone once again and typed a message, revealing a little more of your emotions than you intended to. And before you could even think twice about it, you hit send.

Sunday, 11:04 PM

You: hey i know you’re still not asleep. dont worry, you dont have to reply to me. i just wanna tell you that you should take care of yourself. i know you. you’re stubborn and sometimes you won’t sleep or eat unless someone reminds you to so,, this is me reminding you haha. stop overworking yourself mark, please? you cant be sick cause i cant take care of you since you wont talk to me… lol jk. but seriously, get more rest (and talk to me,, hahah jk again unless u wanna ;)) please go to sleep now. goodnight. see you around i guess.

You stopped texting Mark after that. You wondered if he would find the initiative to talk to you first if you didn’t start the conversation. Now, two days have passed and your sleep reminder remains to be the last message on your conversation thread. You couldn’t say it didn’t hurt. You were hoping for at least a small thanks but didn’t get anything at all.

You were starting to get more and more frustrated as the days went by. It’s so unfair that you are slowly losing your best friend because of this. It’s unfair that you can’t even be mad at him because you just broke his heart. You wished there was any way you could have changed what happened, but the past remains to be written.

That afternoon, you passed by one of the cafes you and Mark always go to. You went inside, suddenly craving their special banana muffin which he introduced to you some months ago. The owner recognized you right away as you came up to the cashier.

“You’re not with your boyfriend today?” she asked.

You felt your heart skip a beat and not in a good way. It hurt. You figured there was no use in explaining since she probably won’t believe that Mark is not your boyfriend so you just smiled sadly and answered, “No.”

The lady somehow talked you into buying two muffins so you can bring one to your “boyfriend.” After handing her your payment, you realized maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. Mark always brings you stuff whenever you’re mad or upset. He knows exactly what you’re craving for even before you knew you were craving for it. Why not try if it works on him?

As soon as you headed out the cafe, you whipped your phone out to text Jaemin, asking if he knew where Mark was. It’s Tuesday, his most free day of the week so he could be anywhere. Jaemin replied not after five minutes.

Jaemin: not sure but he mentioned something about the library??

You: okay thank you!

From that, you knew exactly where Mark is. There was a small patio-like spot beside the library that he likes going to. Not a lot of people utilize the place since the tables and chairs are almost always filled with dried fallen leaves from the surrounding trees but Mark likes the thought of being close to nature.

That day though, there were more people around the area than usual. It was lunchtime so most people were out of the classrooms. Still, it wasn’t hard spotting Mark. It has never been much of a challenge finding him in a crowd of people. You saw him as soon as he came into view, sitting by the table on the corner under one of the ginkgo trees. He had his laptop open and a box of food beside it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration one moment and then he was laughing the next. 

You were about to make your way towards him but immediately stopped in your tracks when you realized he wasn’t alone.

You didn’t know who the girl was. You’ve seen her a lot of times in class and in the hallway. You even have a vague memory of Mark talking to her one time. But you never really bothered to learn her name. She had that soft, innocent look that goes so well with her shy smile. She had her hair tucked in her ears to show just enough of her pretty face. She was beautiful. Unconventionally but undeniably. But none of that mattered.

When she said something with a smirk and Mark let out his trademark laugh, nose scrunching, hand repeatedly hitting the table, shoulders shaking and all, it felt like something punched you in the stomach. He uttered something in reply and now both of them are clutching their sides for laughing too hard. 

He looks happy, you thought, I should be, too.

But you aren’t. You continued watching their exchange, him showing her something on his laptop and both of them laughing once again. Your chest felt heavy, like something was sitting on it and now it hurts to breathe. You didn’t realize you’ve been clutching the plastic bag containing the muffin too hard until you felt the sting of nails digging on your palms. You knew you should look away but you couldn’t. You wanted to run towards him. You wanted to tell the girl to scooch over so you can sit beside Mark and give him his muffin.

This is pathetic. I should be happy for him, you said to yourself. But why am I not?

You wanted to be angry, to scream and say that it should be you he’s laughing like that with. To say that it’s you he should be spending his time with. You wanted to ask if he still feels the way he said he does about you. And if he does, then why this? But you remained glued to the ground.

You hated how you were being selfish. You rejected him, remember? So why do you expect him to follow your tails like an intoxicated mad dog? Why can’t you be happy at the possibility that he found someone that feels the same way he does? Why does it… hurt? It’s not supposed to. If you really are friends, then him being happy with someone after your rejection should make you happy as well. If you really are friends, then you shouldn’t be standing here looking stupid, watching them from afar, wishing he’s with you instead.

“What are you looking at?”

You jumped at the sudden disruption, almost dropping your muffins. “What the hell, Jaemin?!” you whined, finally looking away from Mark.

“Mark hyung and Mina?” he snorted.

So that’s her name. “No,” you lied, forcing yourself to take a step away, then another, then another.

“Are you jealous?” Jaemin teased. “Have you finally realized you’re also whipped for our hyung?”

“No,” you grumbled.

“Then why are you almost crying?” 

You blinked. You didn’t even realize the tears pooling in your eyes. Why are you being like this? “Shut up. I’m not.”

Jaemin only shrugged. “Fine. Torture yourself, then.” He smirked. “By the way, Jeno and I are inviting people to our place this Friday after exams. Just some drinks and maybe karaoke, I don’t know. We all deserve a break from hell. Wanna come?”

You didn’t reply. Your mind was too preoccupied with other things.

“Mark hyung is coming,” he said. “Maybe Mina too.”

“I don’t wanna go,” you said immediately, suddenly coming up with a decision.

The boy laughed. “You are jealous! God, I love it when you prove yourself wrong. You shouldn’t be though. You already know he likes you.”

“I’m not jealous! Stop it,” you whined, really wanting to cry this time. Everything is so frustrating and Jaemin is not being of any help. You wanted to go home and just wrap yourself in your blanket and maybe one of Mark’s hoodies.

“Then come to our place this Friday. It’s gonna be fun.” He grinned.

“Fine. Whatever. Just get away from me, you little shit,” you said, kicking him lightly in the butt.

You didn’t know if it was a lie or not but if Mark really is seeing someone now, you just didn’t like the idea of seeing them flirt with each other in front of your eyes. Even the thought of it makes you want to pull all your hair out. Is that considered jealousy? If so, why are you feeling it for someone who’s supposed to be just a friend?

Thursday came and you found yourself crying after realizing the shirt you’ve been wearing the whole day was Mark’s. No wonder he looked surprised seeing you in the hallway. He looked away immediately though, acting as if you weren’t there. It didn’t even cross your mind since you use this shirt quite a lot.

After calming yourself down, you put your playlist on shuffle and cried some more after Friends by Ed Sheeran started playing. You didn’t even realize how fitting the song was for your situation until now. Mark probably did.

You remembered him singing that song once. The two of you were just lounging in his apartment. He was playing his guitar while you pretended to study when in reality you were just looking at him. You watched as his fingers plucked and strummed the guitar strings while he softly mumbled lyrics, head bobbing to the tune. He’s good. Unsurprisingly, since he’s good at everything.

When he realized you were staring at him, he turned his head slightly to meet your eyes, one side of his lips curling up into a smirk. “No, my friends won’t love me like you do,” he sang. 

You looked away, your cheeks heating up almost immediately. It was hard to focus on your readings when he’s sitting right in front of you looking like that, singing like that. You sighed. He truly was never being subtle about how he felt.

After finishing the song, Mark put his guitar down and laid his head on your lap, not even bothering to ask if it’s okay. That’s how comfortable you were with each other.

“What are you doing?” You remember whining.

“Wake me up after 15 minutes,” he said, already closing his eyes. You took a photo of him that night. He’s cute when he’s asleep. Even cuter when you look at him up close. 

Of course, you just had to search your camera roll to find the photo. When you did, it felt as if a storm was raging on your stomach and a gorilla was pounding on your chest. It never dawned to you just how much it hurts that he suddenly left you alone until that moment.

“Goddamn, I miss you so much,” you muttered, looking at his peaceful expression in the photo.

And then you cried some more. You feel lost.

All you wanted to do was curl up in his arms and inhale his scent and listen to how his day went (and maybe accidentally fall asleep together). It sucks because you really had no one else to turn to. The single person who has always been your safe place doesn’t want to talk to you and even if he did, you really wouldn’t know what to say. Perhaps friends really aren’t like that. The thought of everyone being right when they said that maybe you and Mark were never really just friends has never been stronger than it was tonight.

Still, you couldn’t be bothered to sort your feelings out.

He feels like home, you thought. It was the best way to explain the sense of comfort and safety and the feeling of being more than enough that he provides you. It’s the only thing you can think of when your mind drifts to how he is always the constant person that you run to at the end of the day. But friends can feel like home, too, right?

Not to this extent. Not really.

Friday. You found yourself aimlessly roaming around the neighborhood after your classes in the hopes of distracting yourself from your feelings or whatever the hell they’re supposed to be called. You wouldn’t have remembered Jaemin’s party if you didn’t happen to pass by their apartment building.

You stood in front of it for two solid minutes, contemplating whether to go or not.

Mark might be there, you thought. With everything that’s going on in your head and with all the mess happening in your chest, would it really be a good idea to see him? You thought maybe all these things you’re feeling are just a result of missing him. All these sadness and confusion might just be because you miss your best friend.

So you entered the building. You told yourself that you’ll try talking to him again this time, no matter how stubborn he’s going to be. And if it still doesn’t change anything, then you will take it as a sign to let him go. If not forever, then at least for now.

You reached the door to Jaemin and Jeno’s apartment. Even from the outside, the sound of the bass can already be heard. You wondered how long before the neighbors would file a complaint against them, but knowing Jaemin and Jeno, their neighbors are probably inside, partying with them right now.

Before entering, you looked down on your chest just to make sure you were wearing your own shirt and not Mark’s. It didn’t feel right wearing his stuff anymore. God, it really felt like you just broke up. Why is it like this?

You took a deep breath and opened the door. There were already a lot of people inside even if it was just 8 in the evening. Most of them, you know the faces of. You smiled to greet some and muttered a hi to others.

Renjun spotted you as soon as you came into the living room. “Y/N!” He grinned, handing you a cup of god knows what. “Jaemin said he invited you but we were all pretty sure you were gonna ghost us. But you didn’t!”

You laughed hesitantly. “Thanks, I guess?”

“Drink up. It’s a cocktail I made myself,” he said proudly, almost forcing the cup into your mouth.

You took a sip, figuring it won’t do any harm but you spat the liquid back to the cup as soon as it touched your tongue. “What the hell did you put in this?”

He shrugged. “Honestly, I don’t know. I just mixed in everything I could find. Thanks for trying it out though. I’ve been looking for a volunteer for five minutes already.”

You frowned. There were a lot of things you were unsure of at the moment but there is one thing that’s certain: you have weird friends. You were about to complain to Renjun when he plucked the cup from your grip and went on to find another victim, not even bothering to listen when you said you literally spat on the cup.

Mark didn’t seem to be anywhere. The apartment wasn’t that big so if he was here, it would be easy to spot him. Maybe he decided not to show up after knowing you were coming. And honestly, part of you was relieved. As much as you wanted to talk to him, you still didn’t know what to say. 

I’m sorry I broke your heart, but I miss you so much and I did a lot of thinking and maybe we really shouldn’t be labeled as just friends but I don’t know if I love you, is that okay? That’s just stupid. This whole thing is stupid.

You wanted to leave. Parties have never really been your thing. You usually just go because Mark asked you to since he loves interacting with people. But you figured you needed some alcohol in your system, mainly as a distraction, but also to give you a boost of courage just in case. So you made your way to the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with anyone as much as possible.

You stopped in your tracks as you came to the kitchen. The sound of that laugh was all too familiar.

Great, you thought. Mark was there. And Mina was too. But so were Jeno and Jaemin who exchanged looks as soon as their eyes landed on you. They were all laughing about something before you came.

“You’re here!” Jaemin said a little too enthusiastically in a poor attempt to address the sudden increase of tension in the room.

“Hi,” you said, smiling sheepishly, purposefully avoiding Mark’s gaze which you could feel boring into you. “Just gonna get a drink.”

“Help yourself,” Jeno said. Jaemin smirked beside him. 

The refrigerator was just beside Mark. Just great, you thought again. You walked towards it, desperately trying to ignore the four pairs of eyes following your every move.

“Excuse me,” you muttered, still not looking at your best friend.

Mark took a step sideways before opening the fridge for you. You muttered a quick thanks before grabbing the first bottle your hands landed on, not even bothering to check what it was. You really just wanted to get out of there. Maybe the talking to Mark plan was flawed from the beginning because you clearly can’t find the courage in you to face him now.

Beside you, Mark clicked his tongue. He was so close that you could smell his perfume mixed with a bit of alcohol. It made your knees weak. 

He took the bottle from your hand and put it back before grabbing a different one and handing it to you. “The other one had vodka. Vodkas give you a headache, remember?” he said in a slightly annoyed tone.

“Oh.” Your voice sounded small even to your own ears. Not gonna lie, you wanted to cry at that moment. “Thanks.”

You could hear Jaemin snickering behind you but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to care. You turned to everyone and said a quick goodbye before dashing out of the kitchen.

Your heart was beating hard and rapidly and not because you moved too fast. You didn’t know why but it hurt seeing Mark like that, like he was okay, like nothing changed with the two of you. It hurt knowing that even after everything, he still knows you the best.

You wanted to run. You wanted to disappear. But you couldn’t leave without passing by the kitchen. Somehow, you know someone in there would stop you. If not Mark, then definitely Jaemin. But you really wanted to be alone. So you resorted to the next best thing. You whipped your phone out and sent Jaemin a text.

You: thanks for inviting me to this party. now i feel like shit :D

Jaemin: IM SORRY BUT DONT LEAVE YET TF

You:  i need to be alone and i cant leave without passing by the kitchen and seeing mark. so pls let me use your room for a while.

You: i wont do anything i promise. i just need to calm down.

Jaemin: fine but dont lock the door

You: okay thanks

The door to Jaemin’s room was at the other end of the apartment. You made your way through the noisy crowd, slipping from Renjun’s weird gimmicks when he tried to make you a victim once again, before finally reaching the quiet confines of Jaemin’s room.

The thin walls barely blocked the noise but at least there was no one else here. You sat at the edge of the bed and placed the beer bottle on the floor. You forgot you didn’t even manage to open it. So you just stared at your feet, trying to catch your breath even if you didn’t do anything. That heavy feeling on your chest was back again. It was now associated with being in Mark’s presence.

You started counting to ten to calm yourself down before burying your face on your palms, breaking down into sobs as soon as your forehead came in contact with your fingers. “God, why can’t I just…” you cried, “... admit it to myself already?”

You wanted to thrash around in the bed in frustration but you thought Jaemin didn’t deserve such a mess so you settled with getting up and lightly banging your head against the door. It’s a bad habit you do when you feel annoyed or frustrated. Mark has always been reminding you to stop before you hurt yourself.

Mark. Again. You groaned, hitting your head a little harder this time.

Someone knocked on the door making you stop. You took a step back, thinking you just imagined it. But there it was again.

“Someone’s here,” you said, trying to hide the sound of your voice breaking.

“I know. Can I come in?” It was Mark. There was no question. 

Your heart started pounding on your chest once again. You wanted to tell him to go away but you couldn’t find it in yourself to do so. 

He took your silence as a yes. He swung the door slightly and poked his head through the small opening. Your hands immediately flew to your face to hide the fact that you’ve been crying.

“You know, I came in here because I didn’t wanna see you when I pass by the kitchen if I leave then you come here making me look like a clown,” you said, your voice muffled by your hands.

Mark chuckled softly. “Why didn’t you wanna see me?”

You didn’t reply. Your face felt hot, not just because of the tears that just won’t stop falling but also because all the blood has come rushing to your cheeks.

Mark grabbed both your wrists and gently lowered your hands down, trying to see your face, but your head bent down as soon as it wasn’t covered. “Y/N, look at me,” he said, hands still on your wrists.

“No.”

“Are you crying?” The idiot crouched down to have a glimpse of your face making you whine and cover your face again. “Last I checked, I should be the one looking brokenhearted around here.”

“God I hate you,” you mumbled. “You ignored me for nearly four weeks and you come in here just to make fun of me.”

He let out an empty laugh. “Well, you did break my heart so…”

At that, you removed your hands from your face to look at him. You were going to say sorry but Mark had that smug look on his face that made you want to punch him. It was almost convincing if you weren’t so good at reading the real emotions in his eyes. His expression softened upon finally seeing you properly.

He looked away, not being able to hold your gaze either. That just confirmed how hard he was trying to keep up with the exterior he was showing everyone.

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice breaking.

He sighed.  “I told you. It’s okay.”

“But it’s not,” you cried. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t realize how easy it was to misread what we had because let’s face it, we don’t act like ‘just friends.’ I’m sorry because I was too blind to see how you felt even when you weren’t really trying to hide it. I’m sorry because even though I rejected you, I was so selfish that I still wanted to keep you for myself without realizing that you probably needed to be away from me to move on. I’m sorry because…” you swallowed.

Mark was just looking at you, eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation of what you were going to say next. You missed him. You missed that cute face of his. You missed being in his presence. You missed his voice and his laugh and how he loves teasing you even if he probably feels like shit inside. You missed everything. Four weeks have been too long without each other. Four weeks is too long without your best friend. Four weeks is too long without your home. And that’s when you realized…

“... I can’t let you go. And I might be too late, but I’m sorry that I only just realized why.”

“Why?” he asked. 

It was a simple question. Why? Yet it managed to carve out every single feeling you’ve ever felt for this boy. Every little moment he made you laugh. Every small heartbreak you get when he fails to keep his tiny promises. Every single night you ‘accidentally’ fell asleep next to each other. Every ounce of fulfillment you get when you finally convince him to sleep after a long day. Every goodnight. Every good morning. Everything.

“I love you,” you said. It sounded almost like an exhale.

For a moment, Mark didn’t reply. Your head immediately started swarming with unwelcomed thoughts. Maybe you were too late. You almost forgot about Mina who he seems to be having an excellent time with. Maybe he managed to move on within those four weeks. It’s possible, right? You had your chance and you missed it. 

Finally, Mark let out a laugh, his head falling down to look at the floor. “I told you you didn’t have to say it back,” he said, voice soft.

You shook your head. “I’m not saying it because you said it first,” you said. “I realize this might be the worst timing but I just thought you should know you weren’t the only one being stupid enough to fall for their best friend. I was just too dumb to realize that that’s what it was.”

“Why would it be the worst timing?” He frowned.

You felt like crying again. You really wish you had some alcohol in your system right now. Why is this whole confession thing taking so long? “‘Cause you’re dating Mina? Or trying to. I don’t know. I tried not keeping tabs on you because our friends are assholes who wouldn’t stop teasing me. She’s pretty, by the way. You two look good together.”

Mark laughed again. It was raw and real this time, and god, the way your chest tightened in endearment at the sound was so pure. “You thought me and Mina are dating?”

“Aren’t you? I’ve seen you guys together a lot.” Well, once. But you tend to overestimate things.

“No!” He snorted. “Jaemin and I are trying to get her and Jeno together. If anything, she made me realize that we definitely aren’t just friends.”

“Really?” Now you just feel stupid. But what else is new? It’s all you’ve been feeling lately. Come to think of it, Mark and Mina didn’t even come close to how you two act with each other.

“Really,” he said. “Friends don’t stay at each other’s place and cuddle with each other just to fall asleep, Y/N. Besides, I said I love you, didn’t I? Did you really think that’s just gonna go away that quickly?”

“Mark, I can’t even sort my feelings out. How am I supposed to figure out how yours work?” You sighed.

“Fine. Just to be clear, I still love you. Even if you don’t, I love you,” he said, taking both your hands and placing it on his shoulder before putting his on your waist.

“But I do.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you. Even if you’re the dorkiest person I know, I love you.” Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair. You’ve run your hands through his hair so many times before. You wondered why it never crossed your mind that you liked doing it not because his hair is soft but because you were sucker for the domestic feeling of it.

Mark couldn’t stop himself from smiling that he had to bury his face at the crook of your neck. “I’m not used to this, sorry.”

“Me neither,” you laughed.

When he finally composed himself, he pulled away just enough to look at you. All those times you’ve stood this close before does not even compare to how it’s like right now. This is the perfect mix of feeling new but familiar.

“You have no idea how many mornings I fought the urge to kiss you whenever we wake up next to each other,” he said in a soft voice.

“Well, nothing’s stopping you know, is there?” you muttered, eyes fluttering to his lips.

You pulled Mark down by the neck as he pulled you closer to him, your lips finally connecting. The idea of kissing him isn’t new to you. There were so many times before that you’ve found yourself inches away from his face and slamming your lips together wouldn’t have been such a bad idea. But this is the first you actually kissed him yet he felt so familiar that you were almost sure you’ve done this a million times before. His lips were soft against yours that it made you weak in the knees. If he weren’t holding onto you like he was, you probably would’ve crumpled already.

The two of you pulled away, breathless.

“Wow,” he breathed. “That didn’t even come close to how I imagined it would feel like.”

You laughed. “This whole night didn’t come close to how I imagined it would be like. I thought you were gonna keep on ignoring me. And honestly, I wouldn’t know how to cope anymore because I really, really miss you already. So thanks for saving me.”

“Stop making me blush. I don’t know how I can possibly love you more than this.”

You rolled your eyes but you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. This was only one of the very few times that the reality went better than your expectations. But then again, maybe you and Mark have always been meant to happen. It was happening even before you realized it was. And now that you finally managed to sort how you both felt, there was no more wasting chances.

“Do I still have to ask you to be my girlfriend?” he asked.

“We’ve literally slept in the same bed so many times. I’d be more surprised if we’re not dating already,” you joked.

Mark grinned. “You’re literally the only one who didn’t realize that until today, but it’s okay, I still love you.”

You laughed. “Wanna go outside and pretend we didn’t make up? I’m 100% sure Jaemin betted on us.”

“I worry how your mind works sometimes, Y/N,” Mark said with a frown before kissing you on the forehead. “But let’s do it.”

You smiled. You’ve said it a lot but you really missed this proximity. You missed being able to hug him whenever you want, and now you can kiss him whenever you want too. You wanted to say you could get used to this, but the thing is… you already are.

[iamdorka]

COLSON (x Reader)

Last updated: 2020/04/25

Imagines

I Couldn’t Be More In Love ‘Colson and the reader have been friends since high school. “Friends”. Maybe they were more than that but before they never really spoke about it… and everything was okay until Colson started to act quite strange because the reader started to spend more and more time with his co-worker Harry Styles. ‘ not requested (12/08)  100+ notes

PART II (12/10)

PART III (12/12)

When we were young ‘Heyy I dont know if you’re a fan of adele but there’s this song of hers called when we were young… There’s a lyric there that goes ‘you are just like a movie just like a song’… Could you do one where they are breaking up because of obvious reasons but they’re still in love but they cannot do that anymore. Just her being sorry for what’s happening and like she says something on these lines to him. Her being tired and last goodbye type something.’ requested by  @lovemythsworld (11/24)

IMAGINE ’Basically, it’s involve Colson taking care of the reader during her period please? I just got mine today and I passed out on the floor because I got very dizzy and then I had to run to pharmacy to get more medicine and to the store as I had no food left and all while feeling really bad… ’ requested by @being-worthy​ (11/05)  200+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Make the reaction of Colson knowing that it will be dad!!’ requested    11/03)  100+ notes

IMAGINE – ’Hey girl can you do a imagine where colson is meeting your girlfriends for the first time and he is kinda nervous but they don’t know he is mgk until he walks in with y/n and they get all the tea in the “ladies room” and y/n thinks it’s funny they are so interested because to her colson is colson not mgk’ requested by @britshmgkstan (10/30) 100+ notes

IMAGINE- ’Can I request an imagine of Colson pleasuring himself. And y/n catches him. She watches in secret for a minute then sneaks in to pleasure colson. He is in shock and literally has no words. Really really really smutty pretty please!!! Love you!!!’ requested (10/20)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Can you do a GC where you and kels are together and you guys decide to play never have I ever and of course it turns sexual and it gets revealed you and kels are in the mile high club’ requested (10/13) 100+notes

Bad dreams - ’Could I ask for a ColsonxReader where there not together yet please? She’s sleeping at their place after a party, has a bad dream, one of those that make you wake up with a jolt, racing heart, it’s very hard to get back to sleep. She goes to the kitchen deciding to stay up but C sees her, asks what she’s doing up. He decides to carry her to his bedroom and just holds her close & tight telling her it was just a bad dream, he’ll protect her, & confesses to her? ’ requested by @being-worthy (10/08) 100+notes

IMAGINE - ‘Hey girl I want to request teaching Spanish to the crew.’ requested by @verywell-fandango (10/06)  100+ notes

Headcanons

IMAGINE „Could I please request a ‘Dating ______ would include:’ bullet point headcanon for Colson, Dom and Pete respectively? I love your writing; thank you 🖤” (04/11)  100+ notes

new puppies.  “How about an imagine with Colson, where his girl adopts two pups (they’re still growing and both are half husky half wolf) because they’re brothers and inseparable and couldn’t let them on their own and because she misses Colson, so she has someone to snuggle with. Colson comes back home after a few months and finds two huge dogs on his side of the bed and they’re growling at him because they think he’s a threat and wont let him get close to her?” requested by @being-worthy ❤ (03/15)

The making of the new album (02/01)  100+ notes

Mad Being mad at him (01/21)  100+ notes

Fashion week… in Paris  Going with Colson to Paris fashion week (01/16) 100+ notes

Fake texts

IMAGINE “Will you write another ColsonxReader quarantine story soon? I’m bored and don’t know what to do with myself… Stay healthy and stay indoors!!!’ requested by @being-worthy 💕 (04/05)

COLD  ‘I feel like these lyrics “You want somebody that’ll keep you warm at night Then, tell me, why you actin’ cold to me?” Would be great for an imagine’ (01/19)

Rehab  ‘Hi, can I request an imagine with Colson inspired by/based on Rehab lyrics. Thank you💜 Love your works💗’ requested by @kiss-yall (01/18)

IMAGINE ‘She said no to him so many times. But she had enough with herself and she decided to have some fun because she knows she deserves it.’ (01/11)

IMAGINE ‘Request for Colson & Y/N teasing texts cause he’s feeling excited late at night! Please & Thank you love your posts!’ requested by @xxkellsvixen19xx .(12/23)  100+ notes

why are you here ‘The one based on Colson’s new song 'WHY ARE YOU HERE’ (12/19)

IMAGINE - ‘Can I request some fluff and funny convo between reader & colson ??? Being in love 😍 making fun of each other idk not too corny’ requested (11/16)

IMAGINE ‘Kells and reader have some history together, but after he texts her one day she doesn’t want to talk to him because she knows the reason behind his texts… and she doesn’t want to get hurt again’ not requested but special thanks to  @echelonwonderland for helping me out (11/15)

IMAGINE ‘When you have time can you write one where he is working on a new movie in another state and she sees this video and she is mad because he has cut his beautiful hair?’ requested by @bakerkells (11/14)

IMAGINE - ‘hiii pumpkin, can i request a text w/ colson about him finally asking y/n to be his girlfriend after talking/dating for months? thank you in advance 💜’ requested (11/12)

IMAGINE ‘Hellooo.. I have a scenario in mind. Could you do an text imagine, where the reader has Colson watch over her puppy while she’s gone? Let’s just say he has a hard time keeping him/her out of trouble. ❤’ requested (11/09)

PART II - the new family member ‘Hi can you do an imagine based on the instagram story Colson put up recently of “well we got a dog in the family now” (I have a screenshot of it if you need it!) And something like hes away on tour and you are looking after Cassie and you two decide to get a dog while Colson is away? Thank you so much in advance xxx’ requested by @sacvf (01/07)

IMAGINE - ‘Can you do a chat imagine where they met the night before at a party an kells asks her on a proper date’ & 'Could I have a MGK request where you’ve just met at a party and exchanged numbers. Later in the night he sees you talking to another guy who is flirting with you so MGK texts you to ask you out before he loses his shot?’ requested by an Anonymous and by @thesetemporaryfeelings (11/08)

IMAGINE ’You’re a new actress and Kells slides into your DMs after watching one of your movies and invites you to his next show?! Love your blog!!!’ requested (11/02)

IMAGINE ‘Hieeya it’s me here again..So today what I had in mind is something like this..Colson and reader are like the chillest kinda friends (the ones where everyone thinks they are dating but they are not.. Cliche I know but pleasee read on) And then reader starts hanging out with a bunch of different different guys.. And colson gets like jealous. (some points it out on their group chat and colson like gets mad and then they talk on dm’s…)’ requested @lovemythsworld​ (11/02)

IMAGINE ‘How about imagine where Y/N is a single mother of a kid (6 y/o idk). Colson and Cassie just met her baby. And Colson texted Y/N how excited he was to finally meet him/her for the first time. And Y/N is kind of confused because she didn’t expect someone to love her child this much. And she tells Colson that her kid is constantly asking about him, and wants him to come back. And Colson wants to see Y/N more often and also he adores her baby. Thanks💜’ requested (11/01)

IMAGINE ‘Ooooh what about reader x MGK where he spots you in the crowd at his show, gets your number and ends up texting/ sexting you that night???’ requested    (10/22)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘can you pls make one where y/n love rock music and always get horny while listen no Marilyn Manson, and suddenly Colson tell her that we will be in his birthday party, and things get kinda hot there? tnx!’ requested (10/19)

IMAGINE ‘can we please have imagine where y/n is sick and grumpy and “doesn’t” want colson to come over and take care of her (but obviouslyyyy she does) thank you 😌’ requested (10/18)

IMAGINE ‘Can you maybe post a text where y/n sees what happened to Kells in his forehead and texts him worried?’ requested (10/18) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - I wanted to write an imagine based of some of my own bad experience with a boy (because writing this things down could help a lot even if it happened a long time ago and I don’t care about it or him anymore but it still an inspiration) then today I.D.G.A.F. by Dua Lipa started to playing on my phone today… AND IT MADE SO MUCH SENSE (it’s heavily inspired by that) hope you like this little thing too. 💜 (10/11)

IMAGINE - ‘Can you try one where colson loses his phone at a cafe he visits and then he texts his number from someone’s phone and the cute waitress who he flirted with before finds the phone and replies and they start getting to know each other and hit it off. You can totally ignore if you find it vague or stupid. I just had a thought.. ♥♥’ requested by @lovemythsworld (10/06)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘My idea is just MGK texting you trying to stop you from breaking up with him.’ requested by @thesetemporaryfeelings (10/05)

IMAGINE - ‘Yn is an actress and her new movie debuted. Colson is a friend (and totally into her) and he texts her how great she was in the movie. Their flirting is really intense and in the end she invites him over her house…(maybe for something juicy? 😏) requested (10/04) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Can we pleaseee have a text imagine where colson is the one upset and needing his girl? that man is my heart and soul and it breaks my heart to know how much he’s hurting’ requested (09/28) 200+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘I would love to request something if that’s okay! Could I request a Machine Gun Kelly text where he texts you late at night because he hates your boyfriend and thinks you deserve so much better???’ requested (09/26)

IMAGINE - ‘Can I request reader and colson being writing buddies for a new song on her girl group and them being low key flirting with each other?’ requested (09/22) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘hi angel 😍 would you be willing to do one where y/n had a really bad day and just wants to smoke with colson and forget everything? random i know but i’m such a pothead and i just wanna smoke w kells 😂🙈 don’t judge meeee’ requested (09/22)

IMAGINE- ’Can you do one where yn is pregnant. She’s at home due to morning sickness. Mgk is in the studio but checks on her like every second lol also she has weird cravings and after colson leaves the studio he has to bring her pickles and ice cream (or something). Thank you, sweetheart 😊’ requested (09/21)

IMAGINE - ‘Request for texts between Colson & Y/N after seeing an IG post if her from a photoshoot that gets him turned on! Please & thank you love your posts!’ requested by  @xxkellsvixen19xx (09/19)

IMAGINE - ‘Haha can you do this: yn has a fave panty set. She wants to wear it, but just finds the bra, not the panty. She texts mgk (her bf) and she’s sad, that she can’t find it ☹ Turns out Colson took it with him on tour, to have a piece of his gf with him 😄❤’ requested by Anonymous (09/18)

IMAGINE - ‘can you do one where colson and the reader had an argument and are both too stubborn and have too much pride to actually fix it but keep messing with each other being sassy af and all that until one of them cracks (hope any of this made sense) hahaha’ requested by Anonymous (09/17)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Could you do one where reader just wants to be hold and loved with Colson please?’ requested by Anonymous (09/14)

IMAGINE - ‘Jealous kells text? Pleeeease?’ requested by Anonymous (09/13)

IMAGINE - ‘Can I request readers being upset about being far fron Colson and posting on her Instagram and kells texts her to make her feel better?’ requested by @verywell_fandango (09/11) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Can you do a imagine where you are on tour with colson and the boys and because he isn’t paying attention to you and your in the mood you send him a nude and rook or slim almost sees it and he punishes you because only he can see you like that’ - requested by Anonymous. (09/10) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - You terribly miss Colson and finding some of his photos with Casie… you start having a really bad baby fever… 😇 but what does he think about it? (09/07) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Could u write a friends with benefits with colson similar to the one you posted about the instagram story? that’s hot af btw’ (09/06) 100+ notes

  PART II -   - ‘Can you write a follow up to the fwb/hot date one. Maybe she’s having the date now. Even though the guy is hot, he’s so boring. So while he’s in the bathroom, she texts Colson to 'save her from the date’ (like with a phone call or text) so that she can leave the date. Of course she’ll go to colson then 😏 Thank you, you’re awesome! ’ (09/08) 100+ notes

IMAGINE -  Colson is desperate to convince you to go the new IT premiere but the thing is.. you are scared af 🎈🙈’ (09/05) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - ‘Could you do a text for colson where he meets your family and you are at dinner and he texts you from next to you saying how good you look in your dress and how turned on he is and you knew it that’s why you wore the dress so you tease him and sext him and as soon as you finished dinner he punishes you for it’ (09/03, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE - ‘Colson and Y/N are best friends and they start sexting because she sent a picture to him that was supposed to be for someone else. Thanks love’ (09/03, requested by anonymus)  100+ notes

IMAGINE -  ‘Colson and Y/N working together on a shoot (music video or movie) but have to keep their hands to themselves because professionalism.’ (09/01, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE -   Colson’s new Instagram post makes you miss him even more and it’s not the only thing it makes you feel (09/01)  100+ notes

IMAGINE -  because of the bad weather you decide to stay at home but then your texting with Colson turns into something else (08/29)

IMAGINE - ‘Could I request reader x colson text where the reader keeps on flirting with him, dropping hints that she likes him and him being oblivious?’ (08/27, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE -  the one where you argue about Bucky Barnes (08/25)

IMAGINE -   you two had some history before which was a mess really and you haven’t talked like months because you were really hurt but one day you text him out of nowhere (08/25)

IMAGINE - long time no seen friends just start texting… and flirting (08/25, requested by anonymus)

IMAGINE -  Kind of a drunk texting with Colson. (08/24)

IMAGINE -  You are kind of deadly exhausted because of your work and Colson is done with that shit. (08/24, requested by @thoughtsoftheantagonist)

IMAGINE -  Colson helping you out with your outfit for your girl’s night out (08/23)  100+ notes

Fake Instagram

#quarantinetime (04/19)

IMAGINE  ‘Could we please get some MGK quarantine smut or something, please? 💜’ (04/10)

blank space (03/29)

#stayingathome (03/18)

the dork. the real. the Baker. (02/22)

#attheBahamas ‘Hey hun i wanted to ask are you gonna make a fake instagtam or a imagine based on his vacation in the bahamas? With the reader?’ requested by @kellysimagines (02/19)

Drunk night (02/15)

Valentine’s day (02/14) 100+ notes  

adventure time ‘So the Reader and Colson took a little time off and went on a vacation, just the two of them and when they returned they just could not hold themself back and posted some pictures from their trip because they wanted to show the world how happy they are and there is nothing wrong with that because they can do whatever they want to do’ 👫❤ (02/01)  100+ notes  

IMAGINE ‘Poking fun at each other on IG stories’ (01/14)  100+ notes  

ADORE YOU ’Adoring your boyfriend’s futures’ (01/12)

part II (01/23)

Love is… “…a series of IG posts based on the idea of ‘Love is… ’ (01/09) 100+ notes  

#thanksgivingatthebakersXX ‘Hiii happy thanksgiving! I love your writing, could you write about thanksgiving with Kells and the fam ❤️ ’ (01/05)  100+ notes

why are you here (the aftermath) ’Just got this idea from why are you here, but can u do one where is someone’s bday (like Pete’s or Rook’s or smth) and there’s a party ofc, and y/n is in Colson’s friends group, so she’s in the party but they always had this hate/love relationship, and they kinda fucked randomly but nobody knows, but now she’s there with somebody else and so he is, and that’s when the lyrics of the song starts to make the story you can do it imagine, instagram or sms. wtv u prefer ly’ // The backstory is the request and all of the pics were posted after that party, so it is the aftermath. An online game which only those two are playing. The song in this universe is out, just to be clear. Hope you like it this way too 😘 (01/03) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Because there is no such a thing as enough IG love. #sorrynotsorry (12/29) 100+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Colson and Reader roasting each other in IG posts’ (12/26)  100+ notes

#christmasatthebakers 🎄🎄🎄 little Christmas present from me to YOU (12/24) 100+ notes  

IMAGINE - Some IG stories from the Reader with the perfect captions.’ not requested (12/07) 100+ notes  

IMAGINE - Reader spends lot of time with Kells in the studio… and she is making a journal of that time on IG 😍’ not requested (12/05)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - Colson’s girlfriend is just not having it’ not requested (12/03) 100+ notes

IMAGINE - Y/N and Colson showing their love for each other on Instagram because why not? 💋 not requested (12/01)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - Y/N showing her love for C and his friends in her special way 🙅❤ not requested (11/23)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - Just a little fake IG treat for You just because 🔥 not requested (11/14)  100+ notes

IMAGINE - Y/N shows her love for Colson on IG in a very unique way 📸 just capturing the real love (10/20) 100+ notes

PART II (10/25)

IMAGINE (male reader) ‘Can please I request another Colson x male reader Instagram style imagine and/or fake text kind? Thank you.’ requested (10/09)

IMAGINE (male reader) -  ‘Could i request a reader x colson where the reader is male? im gay and there’s exactly: 0 content.’ requested by anonymous (09/14)

IMAGINE -  Colson praisin’ his girl in his Instagram posts & in her comments  (08/26)  

IMAGINE - you lowkey admitting to the world you are a couple with Colson. (08/24)

Fake social medias (mixed: IG, twitter, texts etc.)

IMAGINE ‘After that pic of Colson with baby Ash, i totally need some fooking fluffy stuff like he and y/n have a baby boy, and she out of town for some work related shit, and he’s taking care of their child, and being all goofy and cute about it’ requested by @rosesinmars (01/02)

IMAGINE - Can i request one where the reader has curly hair (like myself) and she doesn’t like it and kells really loves it// requested by @bakerkells (12/25)

IMAGINE - So basically Kells is getting way too much hate from the online trolls because of his extrem behavior like partying and being seen with different girls literally every night. And it’s not just a momentary thing, they are hating on him strong even some ‘fans’ do this too. And it’s starting to piss off his friends too, the unnecessary behaviour of his so called fans because they know him better than those people and even if they want to ignore it… they see literally everywhere those hating, shading comments, opinions which nobody asked for. So one day Y/N, Colson’s long time no seen friend from his inner circle has enough because she knows even if C doesn’t admit it… this behavior from his 'fans’ hurt him a little bit.” not requested (11/28)

PART II (11/29)

IMAGINE ‘Reader is a famous actress and friends with kells. Before she had her big break, she modeled. She posts a throwback, when she modeled for Bikini or underwear. She’s like “so awkward lol” and Kells answers with emojis and is like “Damn YN!” They flirt in the comments and later Kells DM’s her ;)’ requested (11/26)

IMAGINE ‘you and Colson are close friends and occasionally sleep with each other. We all know about his feet kink. One day after you had a manicure and pedicure, you posted your newly designed finger and toe nails on insta. Colson is like 😍👅🔥😈 And then DM’s you, to invite you over 😏’ requested (11/10)100+ notes

IMAGINE ‘Could you make this: YN and Kells are friends and she visited him on The Dirt set. Afterwards she followed everyone on insta. One day she liked and comment on a post of Daniel Webber (something flirty) and he responds, also flirty. Kells see this and DM’s yn and is jealous but won’t admit it at first. YN finds this funny and says stuff like “You flirt even more than me on insta 😂” Kells can’t deny this 😄 Thank you, you’re so sweet!!’ requested (10/28)

IMAGINE - ‘So not a long ago Colson liked this first tweet (in real life) and it caused a little problem in our community and I just felt I needed to write about it.’  (10/27)

IMAGINE ‘Reader tweeting something like “we were so much more than you let us be” “our almost still haunts me” and kells texting her’ requested (10/19)

IMAGINE ‘Y/N is an actress and one day she totally starts to fangirl about MGK on Twitter/IG and then Colson sees it.. ‘ (10/01)  100+ notes

PART II (10/03)

PART III (11/19)  100+ notes

(the main masterlist)