#i have to start waking up earlier even though my life is miserable

[avpdgirlfriend]

i have to do my exercise for today but i dont like this one T^T!!! i dont know if im doing it right....

[wolverinesleftclaw]

Hey sweetheart! 😘 I hope I can ask for an Elijah Mikaelson imagine where you both fell in love during the events in Mystic Falls, even though he never wanted to show feelings again, but he couldn't help when he met you. So you started dating and he's always making sure you're okay and it's all just great. That changes when Klaus comes to town and sees you with Elijah. He kidnaps you to hurt his brother and Elijah gets furious. He finds you, but you're pretty hurt and barely alive, so he needs to make a decision and turns you in the end. After you wake up he's there for you and promises to be with you forever and you're accepting your new life ?

Hope this is okay with you 🫶🏼

Save Me

18+ —— (masterlist)

He was going to be your downfall. You already knew that, but what you didn’t expect was for you’re fate to be in his brothers hands.

⋆˚✿˖° Thank you for the request my love @talesofreading ! I literally spent days working on this for you so i sincerely hope you love and enjoy every second of it. I also left it open for a second part of you wish <3 ⋆˚✿˖°

warnings: violence, mentions of kidnapping, Elijah being stubborn, Klaus being Klaus, possessive!Elijah, no mention of y/n, angst, heartbreak, biting, kinda beefy!elijah (i just always imagine him actually towering over my ocs), power dynamic, seems unfinished but i rly wanna write a second part lol

You had grown up in mystic falls you’re whole life, the quiet town where nothing ever happened. Well that was bullshit, the whole town crawled with the worlds most dangerous creatures. You had found out about Vampires after your best friend Elena started dating Stefan Salvatore then you heard about his less charming douche bag brother Damon and decided to stay away from them as a whole. Subsequently because Elena and you had been attached at the hip since preschool you didn’t have to interact with them but you sure did get filled in on all the gossip. Which was why you were currently in the car on your way to the lockwood mansion with her. Apparently the latter were on a mission to kill elena’s freako look alike great something grandma.

“this sucks” you said looking over at Elena who was driving the car — “we literally live in a town of vampires, werewolf’s and witches and the two of us are just human” you added

“yeah well i think i’d rather be human than a vampire” Elena declared stubbornly

“you know i think i have to agree because we both know that Stefan and Damon are going to do a terrible job at killing Katherine and if you were a vampire i think she’d make your life eternally miserable” you responded just as you pulled up to the Lockwood mansion. “i am so not dressed for the occasion” you muttered under your breath eyeing your oversized sweatpants and spaghetti strap tang top, you barley had time to put your shoes on before Elena was pulling you out of the house. you wrapped your arms around your body as Elena pulled you through crowds of people into the mansion. You and Elena quickly found bonnie and Jeremy quietly talking amongst themselves in the corner. Unfortunately you couldn’t get yourself to care about the conversation going on in front of you mainly because of the chill running down your spine at the sight of a man in a jester mask staring right back at you. You blinked and the man was gone just as Elena cried out in pain.

~~~~

“I can’t believe Katherine did that to you” you rushed as you tried to keep up with Elena. The night had only gotten worse and when everything was said and done Elena was a bloody mess and you were freezing.

“honestly, i’m surprised you think she wouldn’t do this to me” Elena retorted storming to her car.

you followed closely behind, “okay well don’t get mad with me it’s not my fault that you almost died” you argued back crossing your arms over your chest. “i’m sorry okay? it’s just… she’s only doing this because she’s in love with Stefan” Elena sighed.

you saw the same man from earlier with the jester mask walk up behind Elena. You’re eyes widened in worry “Elena watch out” you yelled as you ran forward to push the man away from your friend. He grabbed you and threw you against the car slamming your head into the door.

~~~

When you wake up the first thing you notice is the rope around your arms and legs. You quickly try to get out of them but fail miserably.

“Stop trying to get out of the ropes. It’ll never work” a brunette said as she walked into the room. “who are you?” you asked flinching as she walked towards you and bent down.

“my names rose.” she responded voice dead “you weren’t supposed to be with the girl” she said sadly, undoing your restraints.

“where is Elena, what do you want with her” you shook as you replied.

“it’s not what we want. it’s what he wants” she said as she looked away from you — “who’s he?” you asked lowly, she moved her head back to face you and replied “Elijah”

~~~

“oh my god you’re okay” Elena said as she rushed towards you when rose took you into the other room. “yea i’m okay lena” you smiled sadly.

“he’s here. this was a mistake” a man rushed out as he paced around the room. “Trevor in order to get our freedom we must give him the girl. This is no mistake” the woman demanded grabbing the man to a stop. “I will bring him here, watch the girls.” she asserted as she walked out of the room.

“I’m not going to make it out of here am i?” you sighed trying to fight the tears in your eyes as you looked forward towards the covered up windows.

“hey, no don’t say that. I’m going to do everything i can to make sure we both get out here alive” Elena reassured you as she held you, you rested your head on her shoulder and sighed out a breath. The weight of this situation coming crashing down on you. While you both were human, Elena was more important to the supernatural world than you would ever be. You also knew if it came down to it Stefan and Damon would leave you to die if it meant saving her. You didn’t resent her for that, you were happy she had somebody who would do anything for her, you just wished you had someone who would do the same for you.

Your head snapped up at the sound of footsteps, your breathing became shallow as Elena pulled you onto your feet with her. You were terrified, you had no idea who Elijah was and from roses reaction to him you could tell he probably wasn’t going to be a saint.

In the blink of an eye you were throw behind Elena’s back as a man took place in front of her. You saw what you would say was the most handsome man you’d ever seen. You kicked yourself. you shouldn’t be thinking that when your best friends life was on the line, but you couldn’t help but notice the way his hair fell perfectly down around his handsome face, the powerful stance in which he stood. You noted he was dressed in a suit which probably cost more than your whole life together. His eyes drew you in from behind Elena and you couldn’t look away. If this was the way you went out you wouldn’t complain.

“human. It’s impossible” he breathed out in shock. “hello there” he smirked, you noticed his gaze went past Elena and right into your eyes. He was talking to you. why would he be talking to you? You felt your heartbeat quicken and you were sure you’d held your breath way beyond your lungs capability. You quickly shifted your gaze downwards biting your lip, suddenly remembering your lack of clothing moving closer to Elena.

“we have a long journey ahead of us we should be going” Elijah says grabbing Elena’s arm and turning them around.

“And the girl? What should we do with her.” Rose asked from across the room.

Elijah’s gaze moved to meet yours again. “leave her be. Do not harm her.” he ordered rose.

Elena looked at you with a pleading look before crying out towards rose “please, don’t let him take me.”

Elijah let go of Elena’s arm pushing her towards rose. “one last piece of business before we go”

Elijah stalks towards Trevor who shrinks down in fear “you have no idea how long i’ve waited for this day” he sputtered out. You noticed how Elijah held such an air of power around himself. You wondered how old he was, surely he was a vampire. You tuned out the rest of the conversation watching as Elijah ruled the two vampires in the room with just his presence. You suddenly hear rose cry out in sorrow as Elijah smacks Trevor’s head clean from his body. You noticed that Elijah had moved his body so he was in front of you, like he was intentionally blocking you from the scene in front. Your face paled as he grabbed both you and Elena dragging you to the front of the house. “who else is here” he demanded towards rose who shook her head “no one”

His grip tightened around your arm as he pushed Elena towards rose keeping you firmly planted next to him. Damon and Stefan were playing games with him. That probably wasn’t a smart idea you thought. You felt your body being ripped away from Elijah’s grasp and slammed up against a wall. Your head hitting the wall hard. Too hard. You cried out in pain and shook as the dizziness came in waves until everything went black.

~~~

When you woke up you took note of the fact you were still in the house, except it was night time now. You brushed the dirt off of your pants as you stood up and looked around. “Elena…” you yelled out wincing when you remembered that probably wasn’t a good idea. You were answered back with silence as you made your way towards the front of the stairs. You gasped as your eyes landed on a very dead Elijah, you walked quietly towards his seemingly sleeping body. Just as you reached out to pull the coat rack from his body he awoke with a gasp of his own. Anger displayed upon his face as he ripped the coat rack from his chest and threw it across the room at a very inhuman speed. He cracked his neck and fixed his jacket before his gaze landed on you.

“what did you do?” he roared taking large steps towards you. For every one step he took you had to take three steps back. “i — i didn’t do anything” you felt your face pale and mouth dry with fear. “y — you were dead” you stuttered trying to look anywhere but his angry eyes. “for centuries now. where did the girl go?” he demanded looking you up and down as if he was trying to decide what to do with you. “i really don’t know, i just woke up on the floor. I’m assuming Stefan and Damon took her… they left me, no way they actually left me here” you rambled out as your back hit the wall. You realized you had nowhere to go as Elijah’s frame blocked you in. You noticed how tall he was, you had always been short it didn’t take much for someone to be taller than you, but Elijah; he was tall. You stood just below his shoulders, your small frame feeling even smaller as he stood in front of you.

“what wonderful friends you have” he implied looking down from your eyes to your neck where he could see the blood rushing between your veins. “they aren’t my friends. only elena is” you mumbled shifting on your feet. “hm. we should get going then” he declared swiftly pulling his jacket from his shoulders and holding it out to you.

~~

“do you always kidnap teenage girls?” you asked looking out of the window in Elijah’s car and wrapping his jacket tighter around. “do you consider this kidnapping?” he asked with a cocked head. “yes i do.” you stated firmly looking over at him “do you not?”. he looked fully at you now, “i consider this me doing you a favor, saving a poor defenseless girl from an abandoned home, to which your own friends didn’t save you from. Now i could have done what i originally intended and drained every single drop of blood from your body and left you there, but i didn’t. So No i would not say this is considered kidnapping” he replied putting his eyes back on the road. “why didn’t you kill me?” you pondered fidgeting with your fingers in your lap. you noticed his fingers tightened their grip around the steering wheel as he said “there’s something awfully interesting about you.”

~~

From that moment on you and Elijah had been inseparable. He told you about his desire to not be seen in mystic falls just yet. So you returned home and acted as if some friendly stranger gave you a ride home.

It hadn’t taken long for you to fall head over heels for Elijah, but you noticed his hesitance when it came to you. How he never shared too much about himself. How he absolutely insisted you never speak of him to anyone, as if he was scared. You had learned he was one of the oldest vampires to ever exist. A thousand years old, he was strong, and wise and he surely had a copious amount of enemies. You knew all of that should have scared you away but you found it only intriguing you more and more each day. He handled you with such care, as if the smallest of things would break you and he’d lose you forever. Yet he never said what you wanted him to say.

It had been weeks since the day in the abandoned house and Elijah had finally made his presence known to mystic falls. You especially enjoyed pretending you didn’t spend all your time with the man. You knew in your gut Elijah feels the same way about you that you do him. It was just getting him to act on it that proved to be hard.

When you saw him at the founders party all dressed in his grey suit and hair slicked back, you didn’t care who noticed you decided that you had had enough of pining over him.

“so, Mr. Smith?” you quoted raising your champagne glass to your lips to hide your smile. “not everyone can be privy to my actual identity sweetheart” he replied looking down at you. You noticed his eyes raking over your form. “you look absolutely astonishing tonight” he said voice husky as his gaze returned to yours. You almost moaned at the tone of his voice. This was what you meant, you knew he was attracted to you but he never acted on it. You figured your best bet would be to show him what he was missing. “do i?” you questioned him with a smile “i thought you’d like this dress” you winked at him as his eyes darkened. “I didn’t think you would be bold enough to test your little theory here” he smiled licking his lips before raising his glass of champagne. “what theory would that be?” you pushed trying to get him to say it for himself but before he could answer a hand wrapped around your shoulder.

“Fancy seeing you here, my, my you look amazing” Damon stated, you winced out of his grasp moving away from him. You noticed the deadly look on Elijah’s face as he stared Damon down. “Damon i do believe it’s time we have a chat just the two of us” he said through gritted teeth. The two disappearing upstairs before you could say anything

~~

You sat a the bar picking at the fruit tray when Elijah approached you again. “I’m sorry sweetheart, i had to take care of something” he said moving to stand behind you. “did you kill him” you accused taking a bite out of a strawberry. “No i did not, I should have.” he replied turning you in your seat so you were facing him. “why” you questioned looking up at him. “because i do not like the idea of him ever looking at you again.” Elijah moved his head down so he was level with your ear, “or anyone for that matter” he muttered moving your hair out of the way, inhaling your scent. “i know this is what you want, it’s what i want too. But it would be selfish of me to subject you to the life i live.” he confessed before he grabbed you and in the blink of an eye you were in a different room. “you don’t get to decide what’s right or wrong for me Elijah” you argued back pulling out of his embrace. “why are you scared, I know it’s not the reason you just gave. I know that because for months i have been living as apart of your life, i know you think giving me some noble reason will deter me from continuing this but it won’t, so what’s the real reason?” you semi shouted at him, you were angry and you had every right to be. He’d been playing that game since the day you met him, where he acted as if he wanted you and then decided he couldn’t be with you. “Because i have lost every single person i have ever loved!” he roared back with tears in his eyes “i have had every person i have ever cared for ripped away from me, for a millennium i have been dealt constant heartbreak. I would be a fool if i left myself care for another being ever again, and i would be eternally selfish if i let you in and you died at the hand of my enemies.. or worse me. But you have infiltrated my very being, every thought, every feeling is because of you, so i cannot just let you walk away, because no where is far enough for me to not crave you, you’re scent is engraved in my senses and i cannot stop it.” he confessed moving toward you, he lifted his arm and ran his knuckles down your face as he gazed lovingly into your eyes. you leaned into his hand and looked up at him through your eyelashes. He was staring at your lips, this was new he’d never done that before. Elijah leaned down until his lips were just above your own “can i kiss you” he asked against your lips. You nodded your head vigorously as he entwined his lips with yours. His lips are softer than anything you’ve ever known. The feeling in your chest was explosive, spreading all throughout your body. He tilted your head upward biting your lip in the process. you let out a moan of approval, moving your hands to lay underneath his suit jacket. You could feel every inch of his muscles tensing underneath your touch. You loved it, craved for more. His hand moved from your face into your hair, bunching it up and pulling you closer to him. You loved every second of this moment, how raw and beautiful it truly was.

When Elijah pulled away from the kiss he rested his forehead on yours, out of breath you closed your eyes.

~~

Elijah had entrusted you with the secret of the curse placed upon his brother Klaus. You were sleeping one night when he came to see you, telling you that Elena would need to be sacrificed in order for him to kill his brother. Of course you asked him if he was sure he wanted to do this and he was. So tonight he was attending a dinner party at the Salvatore mansion in order to keep and eye on Damon. You had told him you thought it was a bad idea, that you got a bad feeling from it, but he insisted he would be alright. Now it was two days later and you hadn’t heard or seen from him. You were currently on a mission to find him when you entered the Salvatore mansion to find all your so called friends having some type of meeting. “where is Elijah” you announced as you walked in. “so you are sleeping with him” Damon said back smirking as he turned around to face her. “Yeah Damon i am, you know if you were going to have such an issue with it maybe you shouldn’t have left me for dead” you said walking more into the room. “well he’s not here, so no need for you to be here any longer” he dismissed her. You looked at Elena over his shoulder meeting her gaze. She quickly moved her eyes towards the basement door. You nodded your head and turned to walk away when Alaric called out to you. “hey wait up” he called after you following you outside.

“you’ve literally never talked to me before Alaric, so unless your going to tell me where Elijah is don’t start now” you said not stopping your stride heading to your car.

“cmon now love i just wanted a chat. seems we have to do this the hard way” Alaric replied grabbing your arm and slamming your head into your car window.

~~~

you awoke to a shooting pain in your side as you stirred. “welcome back to the land of the living love” a man said crouching in-front of you “i’m getting really tired of people knocking me out” you murmured groggily.

“ah yes, you see i’ve heard my brother was plotting my demise, and since i’ve got more at stake than him i figured an eye for an eye.” klaus said reaching to grab something above your head. His hand returned with a knife, your eyes widened as he covered your mouth and stabbed you in the thigh as your screams muffled. “now living for a thousand years you learn a few things about torture. except your human and you can’t handle as much as i’d like.” he said twisting the knife, the pain you felt was white hot and expanded through your whole body. “So i’ll resort to draining all but a drop of blood from you until Elijah comes to find you.” he said with a wicked smirk, grabbing your hair and tilting your head back. His whole face changed, you remember seeing Elijah’s vampire face which you loved but Klaus’ was just outright scary. You felt his sharp teeth rip into your carotid artery, you felt every drop of blood leave your body. The excruciating pain of his teeth in your skin. You head felt heavy as it rolled to the side when he finally pulled away. “cmon love the games are just beginning.” he taunted.

~~

when Elijah had woken the first thing he demanded of Elena was to bring him to you. When she failed to find you red flags raised in his mind. You would never disappear and all he could think was you had hurt yourself in the process of trying to find him. what he wasn’t expecting was for his brother to have taken you captive. when Elijah found you, you were a bloody mess. Crimson red everywhere, you say in your own puddle of blood. Shallow breathing was all he heard as he rushed forward and held your face in his hand. “my love” he whispered trying to wake you up.

You failed to wake up after the fifth time he tried. You had bruises and cuts all over you. The wounds on your thighs bleeding the most. When you whimpered in response to him shifting you he was glad for a sign you were alive.

“Elijah” you cried out unable to move “i can’t it hurts so much” you reached out to grab his arm as he picked you up and speed the two of you to his apartment.

“i’m so sorry my love” he cried as he held your hand. “for what?” you asked weakly wiping his tears away from his eyes. “for not protecting you. I can give you my blood and it will heal you.”he said moving your body to lay down. in the process of moving you the wounds he had patched in your thighs had opened, resulting in you losing blood. Again you had become faint and in and out of consciousness.

Elijah had managed to get his blood down your throat but he knew he would lose you. he had waited to long to feed it to you. Within the next minute he whispered a quick apology into your ear and snapped your neck.

[awakened-omen-art]

Okay so... I've gotten into a little thing called "Clan Gen" which is a warrior cats generator game and a modded version of it called "Life Gen" which is basically the same but lets you follow a specific cat as a main character of sorts.

Long ass ramble under the cut:

I have quite a few Clan Gens and a few Life Gens but none of them have stuck with me quite as hard as Wolfpaw of Spiderclan has.

He's my second Life Gen, the first one I was doing a project on in obsidian and decided to make a side one for fun.

This save file is so beautifully cursed and I'm only on Moon 13

Wolfkit's story starts out on Moon 1 as a newborn orphaned kit on the side of a road. His parents were tragically killed by a monster and then he was found and taken into Spiderclan by the deputy Blotchminnow and her mate Rookpelt alongside their adopted daughter Condorkit

Condorkit doesn't really like to share the spotlight with Wolfkit and is often mean to him and it sucks but his new parents are wonderful to him. Literally, Rookpelt and Blotchminnow take care of him so well. Whenever Blotchminnow is too busy, Rookpelt steps in, but she always tries to make time for her kits. A very sweet working mom.

As he grows up he finds a fascination with the three medicine cats Icicledart, Robinpelt, and Spotfade. Especially when one of the patrols brings home a poisoned rabbit and many cats get VERY sick, including both Icicledart and Spotfade AND Rookpelt.

Wolfkit is constantly underfoot trying to help Robinpelt and he promises his dad that when he's old enough he'll train to be a medicine cat and make him all better.

Rookpelt gets worse. He starts coughing up blood and is asleep more than he's awake. Wolfkit is anxiously awaiting his apprentice ceremony and when the day finally comes he races to the medicine den to tell his dad only to find him completely unresponsive. The others seem to be getting better but his dad won't wake up.

Wolfpaw was too late. He was too late and he blames himself.

Completely overcome with grief Wolfpaw shuts down for several moons, unable to leave his nest to train or learn. At one point he starts getting near constant nightmares and can't sleep.

On moon 10, at 9 moons old, Wolfpaw looks to silverpelt and finally comes to terms with the fact that Rookpelt is gone. The morning after on patrol he senses a presence nearby and is overwhelmed by the scent of his dad. If he concentrates hard enough he can almost see a starry outline.

Things are finally okay.

Until the next moon when he climbs onto a branch of a tree to help Robinpelt collect some leaves, he slips on a patch of ice and plummets, breaking his jaw in the process and leaving him nestbound... AGAIN

Even though he can't go out on patrol to train, Wolfpaw tries his hardest. He's exhausted and in pain but he doesn't want to lose any more time.

He works himself to the bone, so much in fact that Icicledart comments on his tiredness and offers him sleeping herbs, and one of the kits begs him to take a break and play with them.

Even though he has so many cats looking out for him, Wolfpaw still struggles.

On moon 13 he's 12 moons old now, an adult, the age most cats earn their full name. His sister has been a full warrior for several moons since she even got her name earlier than expected at only 10 moons old.

A part of him wonders why his life has panned out this way, worried about what will happen if his jaw doesn't heal properly. He wants to prove himself, he doesn't want to let anyone else down.

Another part wonders if the darkness in his life has something to do with the dark forest. If someone is messing with him, making him miserable for some unknown reason.

All he hopes for in the future is for him to get his full name one day, he doesn't want to remain a 'paw forever.

...

So yeah that's his story so far. He's my tragic little guy and i love him so much.

There is a ton more I left out like the whole war thing that was going on between Spiderclan and Oddclan but that's a tale for another time <3

[thebreakfastgenie]

for WIP asks the 4th of july fic.

and ik you were already quite generous with it but would love to hear anything else about 69

Sorry it took so long to get to this one! I was really excited about it and then I was either too busy or too tired to answer it properly!

The 4th of July fic my take on a time loop. It's contained within GFA. Hawkeye relives July 4th, 1953, over and over again, trying desperately to prevent tragedy on the bus, while no one else remembers. I was actually influenced a lot by Slaughterhouse-5, even though it's not a time loop. Billy Pilgrim is unstuck in time and sometimes that means he's living his post war life and wakes up back in the bombing of Dresden. That's certainly what PTSD can feel like. So I started thinking about how I could use a time loop as a narrative device.

The time loop takes the emotional experience of reliving a traumatic event over and over again in your mind, of being trapped in that moment, and makes it a physical one. A common component of time loop stories is that the protagonist must prevent something terrible from happening, and only when the bad outcome is averted will the loop be broken. This, too, reflects an emotional experience, the constant "what could I have done differently? how could I have stopped this?" Maybe the real time loop was the trauma we had along the way.

In this case, Hawkeye is trying to save the lives of everyone on the bus. I don't want to say too much about the loop, because part of the story is going to be figuring that out as Hawkeye does. Just as the loop is about trauma, breaking the time loop is about moving forward. This fic gets very heavy and dark towards the middle, but it's not a pure angst fic, it's just what the story requires. In the end I would say it's about choosing hope.

The idea is basically what if GFA was a time loop, and we only saw one iteration of it? That means it's fairly canon-compliant. I'm also trying to incorporate a lot of details from GFA. I can't share a snippet, but I'm hoping to finish it by July 4th, 70 years after the day it's set, so if I manage it you'll see it soon!

****

I am more than happy to share more about untitled 69. I'm trying to motivate myself to work on it, at least once 4th of july is done. I had a ton of momentum on it a few months ago and then I got sick and it got left in this very chaotic, mid-draft-reorganization state. This fic was supposed to just open with Trapper at the reception for the new chief of thoracic surgery, where he meets Charles, but in true me fashion, I ended up getting into Trapper's homecoming and emotional state and in the process writing about a bunch of stuff that happened earlier. One thing I'm excited about is how Trapper relates (or doesn't) to his colleagues. He has one friend who's close enough to know about Hawkeye, because I needed someone to bounce Trapper off of in dialogue, and I really love the dynamic that developed between them. I don't think this snippet is as good as the last one, but:

Trapper tugged at his collar. He was having trouble breathing, though he knew that had more to do with the fog of cigarette smoke than the snugness of his tuxedo. If Louise were here, she would scold him—it had taken her ages to get his bowtie right—but she wasn’t here, so she could keep her comments to herself.  Louise hated these things almost as much as he did. Working class girls either grew up into women who loved glamor or hated it, and Louise had never seen any use for it. It was one of the things he loved best about her, and probably what drew him to the nurses in Korea, besides proximity—their short fingernails and practical attitudes. 

This is Trapper being miserable at the party (more on that later!) and me fleshing out both him and Louise a little bit.

[paulmccartneymybeloved]

another post abt my personal life sorry :/

had a reallyyy heated argument with my sister earlier. worst once since we were kids. this environment is awful

what basically happened was she asked me to do something and when I didn't quite do it how she wanted she stormed off and shouted at and insulted me and I retaliated and it escalated. she's a moody teenager with a short fuse and I don't really ever wanna be around her, my parents assure me that she's just a moody teenager and I hope they're right because if how easily annoyed she gets now is just a part of who she is I cannot continue to have her in my life long term. I simply cannot

I was a moody teenager. I get it. but by the time I was her age I knew better and actively worked on how irritable I was because i knew that at that age, being that moody wasn't acceptable anymore. I was awful as a teen, looking back I feel awful for anyone who I flipped out on for no reason other than I was a moody teenager

I feel my parents constantly excuse her behaviour with "that's just the way she is!", that is not how it's going to work in the real world. we have been so patient with her and we have tried so hard to understand that she's a teenager and she's hormonal but it's genuinely starting to get to a point where she's unbearable to be around and we don't ever wanna be around her

when her and I get on it's so good and we can talk for hours and it's lovely. but all it takes is me not even realising I've done something to annoy her and she's shouting at me and insulting me, if this was any relationship other than brother and sister - I would not put up with it I would have cut her off a long time ago because it's draining knowing someone like that, I feel like im walking on eggshells constantly. I often don't eat my evening meal til late so I don't have to be near her

it's something I really hope she grows out of because it's a horrible trait that she has. I am not proud of how I acted earlier, I still have some things to work on even though I am not as easily irritable/susceptible to anger as I was when I was younger. I have come a long way from when I was younger but I still have some work to do. she doesn't even acknowledge how horrible she can be

when relaying the situation to my mother she manipulated the story to make it seem like it was all my fault, seemingly because she doesn't wanna feel like she did anything wrong. she said I started shouting at and insulting her, when I didn't. I keep my head down and mouth shut when here because I'm so fed up of conflict that I dont speak unless spoken to, so I couldn't have possibly started it

I feel like im constantly walking on eggshells

I feel like im constantly walking on a tightrope that's about to snap

everyone in this household is someone who gets angry quite quickly, im the only one working on it. I have before now, especially in my teen years, said and done things that I'm really not proud of. I grew up in a house where my parents would (and still do) fly off the handle at a moments notice and you are a product of your own environment, so as soon as I realised that that's why I felt anger in the way that I did, I started working on it

this environment is so toxic and I'm miserable about it. I've tried to explain to my mother that if we all talked about things instead of all just getting infathomably angry and getting at eachothers throats then we'd create a better environment but she's like 'that's the way it is unfortunately', it doesn't have to be!!!! trying not 2 cry as I type this but I'm just so tired and fed up and generally upset about everything

I can't sleep cos of stress. I'm drinking alcohol every day. I wake up everyday and remember what my life is atm and get a sinking feeling in my chest. I just. I know there are others who have it harder and at least I have a roof over my head and food to eat and like I should be thankful for that but I just. ugh. I need to get out of this environment

[commoncorps3]

lol im not sure my mental and physical health has ever been this bad.

im kinda suicidal again instead of just being numb, empty, and having depersonalization/derealization but I don’t even know who to tell. my friends are probably getting overwhelmed with me/tired of me doing so bad all the time. it’s gotta be a real bummer. can’t tell my family bc they freak out or the complete opposite just tell me it’s gonna be ok. my girlfriend has DID and hasn’t fronted in several days because she’s been having a hard time mentally and physically so one of her alters (who I am not dating) has been in control. this alter doesn’t really talk to me nearly as much as my gf usually does so my bpd (and general shit mental health atm) is having a fucking field day with that. i miss her a lot. Unrelated to her but I don’t sleep or eat enough. my house is disgusting and I can’t get myself to clean it. the stupid lexapro my psych made me try gave me so many fucking side effects and I stopped taking it days ago and I’m still having the worst fucking time. i have so many bruises and scabs from how bad my skin picking has gotten from the medicine. my jaw hurts so bad bc the med made me start clenching it/gritting my teeth all the time now. my teeth feel so weak and sensitive like I’m scared they’re gonna fucking break into pieces when I eat. my acne got worse too but idk if that’s bc of the medicine or bc my hormones are crazy OR bc I’ve been on my period for basically two months at this point. i have sores on my tongue that are painful and overstimulating just to feel and i want to bite them off or something. my wisdom teeth are hurting too. im so tired. I have no excitement. im just detached from life. I’m not enjoying anything. people’s concern for me is not even fucking hitting me like it should be. I’ll be like “I want to kms” and they’ll be like “holy shit I’m worried about you i love you don’t die” and I’m just like “🤷”. it’s very frustrating. everyday feels like a shitty dream. but i never wake up. ive barely even been listening to music. which is fucking wild for me. I just listen to YouTube at work. and it’s mostly like videos on disturbing/scary shit lately. like shit I’ve barely even touched before the last few weeks. I don’t know why I’m suddenly so interested in really fucked up stuff but nothing else hits the same. I guess I subconsciously just wanna feel something. so fear and discomfort is my go-to. I’m always in pain. I have the desire to abuse drugs or drink or SOMETHING to make myself feel better. but I still really don’t even do that. oh yeah and I relapsed twice this week. once wasn’t that bad but the second time was pretty fucking rough. it’s even worse bc I literally broke apart someone’s fucking shaving razor at my friend’s house and used one of the blades. then had to wake my friend up bc the cuts wouldn’t stop bleeding. I need serious help. I don’t want to be hospitalized though. I did that earlier this year and it was a complete waste of time. I wish I could just die. I’m so tired of pushing through this hell. And I can’t help but think “well i guess it could be worse” which is true but also every time I think that something else happens. I want out. Please. I wish I had the fucking balls to kill myself like ive wanted to for the past like 12 years. No one can help me. I can’t even help me. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I take the medicine. I go to therapy. I reach out to loved ones for help. I try to live my life. But it’s not fucking working. I’m so miserable.

[iviarelleblr]

I was going to put this in the tags but the tags got so long... I'm just gonna type out a real version.

Thank you for sharing your journey and your success and hopefully-temporary failure. It may not work for everyone (I wish we didn't have to disclaimer lines like that, that people would just have the maturity to understand that if a post isn't about them they can scroll on) and it'd be great if everyone could sleep naturally, but sometimes a routine and a schedule and structure around sleep can really, truly help. Even if (nonspecific, anyone reading this post) you've tried this or that method before and it didn't help then, even if you're neurologically wired to not form habits (the involuntary kind), you can probably still build something like muscle memory that gets most of the way there, which is exactly what I think this post is about.

A lot of the common neurodivergences come with tendencies toward poor/no natural sleep schedule and poor sleep hygiene, and all that makes our lives even harder to deal with. I think a lot of people who self-diagnose with delayed sleep phases, they probably don't have fixed sleep times, but may have a tendency to lock into activities until the late hours, rather than actually being fixed to later sleep. Much like being unmedicated makes it harder to access medication, not being able to sleep healthfully makes it harder to learn to sleep healthfully.

For example: my bedtime routine involves three separate layers of alerts (a gentle but noticeable alarm tone, a lamp on a timer, and the Windows "night light" feature dimming and orange-ing my screen at different times), all to tell me "it's time to start winding down and ending tasks now". Then, I go to bed and do the specific things in the same order every night. (My specifics are tailored around my hyperacusis and will definitely NOT work for some, but I have white noise playing on a little rig in my room, and I start a repeat, chill podcast playlist, and then I play ad-free solitaire on my phone while laying on my right side until my eyes get heavy, at which point I can usually put down the phone, turn onto my left side, and reliably get the rest of the way to sleep.) It's gotten to the point that sometimes even when I'm not sleepy, I can trick my brain into shutting down for the night just by going through the motions of the routine. It took a few years to get there but it's saved me from some of the worst of my insomnia, and it even works the same if I wake up in the night and can't sleep, I just put on another podcast and do the rest, and get back to sleep maybe 95% of the time. Then in the morning, even though my brain actually does have a hardwired wake up time synced to the sun cycle (it's been fifteen years and I haven't been able to sleep in more than half an hour, and it means my non-DST schedule is just... wake up an hour earlier than I'll ever need to), I don't always feel awake yet. So, I have a specific routine that I follow with very little variation, like the chair across the room but for me it's sitting up, letting the cat onto my lap, and playing a bit of Merge Dragons, just to ensure that my body recognizes that I'm awake and it's time for awake things and not to linger miserably in a place I won't get any more sleep anyway.

Nothing's foolproof and I still fail sometimes or I get impulsive and skip the routines and accept the consequences. That's life! Sometimes the book is just too good to put down at a reasonable hour. But when it comes to sleep scheduling, it's worth pushing through the part where it feels stupid and pointless and like it's not going to work. If hypothetical-you-reading-this are anything like me the point isn't that it helps NOW, it's building that skill to the point that it works later, and you might not even notice the tipping point.

successfully tricked myself into not going back to bed by placing a somewhat comfortable chair with a blanket next to my alarm clock on the other end of my room, and then sitting in the chair for 10 minutes after getting up to turn off my alarm, until my brain stopped being a creature that just wanted to burrow and sleep. I hope that works more than one day in a row.

[writing-for-marvel]

🍁 Fall Vibes 🍁

Are you having apple cider with Bucky?

Or making pumpkin pie with Steve?

Rogers Family Recipe

(The Fall Edition)

Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

< < PART 1 (The Cookie Edition)

Summary: As the season changes to a rustling fall, a new wave of homesickness overcomes Steve.

Warnings: homesick Stevie, a tinge of angst for like 0.5 seconds, hurt comfort, fluff, implied sex

Word count: 1.5k

A/N: this is my entry for the beatiful @jadedvibes’s Falling In Love writing challenge. This can absolutely be read on its own, even though it’s technically a sequel. Thank you for this lovely ask Navy 🧡 this actually gave me inspiration which I have been severely lacking lately. Banners by @maysdigitalarts

Masterlist | Ask me anything! | Library

The sweltering and bright summer transitioned almost overnight to a crisp and vibrant fall. A layer of orange leaves crunched underfoot everywhere you went and the scarf and pair of gloves which had migrated to the back of your closet over the warmer months saw the first rays of daylight since the frosty winter thawed to a blooming spring earlier in the year.

With the change in season, also came a shift in Steve’s mood. He had been making progress in adapting to life in the twenty-first century, but in the week since temperatures started declining and the leaves turned orange, he had locked himself in his apartment and not spoken a word to anyone.

As you opened Steve’s front door with the key you used a lot more than just for the emergencies you had initially been bestowed with it for, you noticed the state of disarray his kitchen was in. Messy bowls and spoons littered the sink, flour sprinkled the floor and splotches of sticky pastry dough were smeared on the countertop.

“Stevie, it’s just me.” You called into the otherwise silent apartment, hesitating a moment at his front door to hear his usual response welcoming you further inside. However, his reply never came.

As you walked slowly into the sitting room, it hit you how much effort Steve had made in the past few months to incorporate more modern, yet cosy furnishings in his apartment, which gave the feeling that it was indeed his home rather than a temporary safe house, something he had struggled to come to terms with after waking up from the ice.

A twinge of guilt speared into your stomach at the thought that perhaps your suggestion of updating his decor when he wasn’t quite ready for that step was the reason for this new wave of homesickness.

The creek of a door opening pulled your attention back into reality. A large figure emerged from the bedroom, shoulders slumped, dragging wool sock covered feet along the hardwood floor, bundled up in an oversized sweater.

With a distinct forlorn expression, Steve’s eyes finally met with yours. Though his eyes remained sad, the twinkle of recognition that you were the one coming to check on him was hard to miss.

He mumbled his greeting from the other side of the room and mentally you scolded yourself for not coming around sooner.

“You wanna talk about it?” You asked in a soft tone, and with a quiver of his lower lip, Steve shook his head. As if you were capable of predicting the future, in the moment before his eyes brimmed with tears, you had bound over to him, wrapping your arms around his waist in a tight hug and snuggling into his cosy sweater.

With a sniffle, Steve buried his head in the crook of your neck, hands reaching around you and grasping onto your sweater for dear life.

You slowly rubbed circles on his back, whispering sweet nothings into his ear until he felt comfortable to either speak or let you go. You were determined to be there for as long as he needed you - the past week you had wanted to keep your space as to not overwhelm him, he had asked for time that day you both acknowledged your feelings a couple months ago, and you didn’t want to pressure him, or overstep in your position as a friend. But now seeing how miserable he truly was, you cursed yourself for not following your instincts.

“Ma’s favourite season was fall. Bucky too.” Steve disclosed tentatively without pulling away from the warmth and comfort of your body. After a moment of further hesitation, he continued with a crack of vulnerability in his voice. “Would you help me make Ma’s famous pumpkin pie? She always made it once October came around, and I’ve tried to recreate it, but failed miserably.”

Suddenly the mess in the kitchen made much more sense.

You weren’t sure you would ever be able to say no to your Stevie, but when he allowed you to pull back from his embrace, the desolation flooding his eyes fractured your heart, and you were positive you’d sell your soul for him to be happy again.

“Of course we can, today’s all about curing your homesickness.”

After doing a hasty clean up of the kitchen, and a quick run to the grocery store for more ingredients, Steve was already looking more at ease. You both had fun making the pie together, hands occasionally touching as you went to grab the same item, and smearing pastry dough on each other's noses. There were multiple moments throughout the day where you genuinely thought Steve had forgotten about being homesick.

Though you spent the afternoon reminiscing about the 40’s whilst making his Ma’s pumpkin pie recipe from scratch, Steve’s mood had completely inverted from that morning by the time the pie was placed in the oven. Your theory was because he finally had some company and wasn’t wallowing around his messy apartment by himself. If you had asked Steve, he would have advised that it was because he was spending time with you, the woman he had fallen in love with over the past few months.

It was as you were cleaning up the mess in the kitchen that Steve could finally reflect on the events of the day, and the progress he had made since finding himself in this modern age. You had been an instrumental part of him acclimatising to this new world - Steve would never have made as much headway without your patience and consideration, and now he had experienced life with you, he didn’t want to go back to a time where he was without you.

“Thank you for consoling me today, I didn’t even have to ask for you to come over, and yet you came anyway. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I don’t have to go through everything on my own.” Steve said over his shoulder as you were by the sink and he was wiping the counter.

Taking your hands out of the warm, soapy water, you turned to him, wiping the suds off with a hand towel as you spoke.

“Progress isn’t linear, Stevie - there will be harder days, where absolutely everything reminds you of the past, good days where you think there won’t be any more bad days, but I promise you, you have come so far from that day in Times Square, and I will be here in any capacity you need me to be.”

“In any capacity?” A cheeky grin spread on his face.

“You can have me however you want me, Captain.”

“Doll, you must know that I want you in every way.” Steve stated with such sincerity that your knees felt weak. “In a world that is so foreign to me, that’s full of daunting new milestones, and where I feel so out of place sometimes, I always feel safe with you.” With a jubilant smile, Steve reached out and grabbed your hands, pulling you closer to him.

You could have kissed him, you wanted to kiss him, but you had made a promise with yourself that you would take it slow with Steve, let him set the pace.

“Part of me feels guilty for moving on with my life, and that I haven’t rightly earned my place here. But having spent today with you after isolating myself for the last week wishing I was back in the 40’s, it's helped me realise that it doesn’t matter what time period I’m in, it’s not until I’m with you that I truly feel at home.”

Warmth rose up through your chest and butterflies fluttered in your stomach. You were his home, as he was for you.

You wanted to find the right words to convey exactly how you felt, though you thought saying you had fallen in love with him might just scare him off before he was actually yours.

“Stevie, I have never cared about anyone more than I care about you.” You squeezed his hands and poured all your earnestness into making sure he believed your words. “But I don’t want to rush you - I’m not going anywhere, you take all the time you need, I know you’ll be worth the wait.” If it were possible Steve’s smile grew even wider, and the tips of his cheeks flushed bright red.

“I don’t want to wait any more, doll. It took me almost a hundred years to find the girl of my dreams, I don’t plan on wasting any more time with you.” Steve Rogers was no liar, and this instance was no exception. True to his word, in that moment he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulled your body flush with his, and kissed you.

As his tongue slipped into your mouth, his hands found their way under your sweater, cool against your back. It wasn’t long until he lifted you to sit on the counter, and you were fiddling with the hem of his sweater as Steve placed teasing kisses down your neck.

When the buzzer of the oven timer finally sounded, the pumpkin pie fully cooked, you were both too caught up in each other to notice.

[maijobi]

“see you”

okkotsu yuuta x reader

summary: when yuuta’s disappearance has much more of an effect on you than you every thought…

a/n: I had a totally different idea for this,, but it didn’t work out so I came with this. not proofread and I’ll probably change certain things when im not high on sleep deprivation.

—————————————————————-

everyday was a joyful day. well at least, you tried to make it joyful. you didn’t see the purpose in wanting to make your day worse by thinking too much so everything was always so sudden, energetic and for some people maybe a little annoying. but those were things you never cared about. people’s opinion didn’t matter to you. you lived your life for yourself and not for anyone else, so why not try to make the best out of it?

you weren’t easily budged so having missed the bus and running to school in the rain instead didn’t even concern you in the slightest. you had a toast in your mouth and took whatever drink you had in the fridge and ran out the door with your umbrella in one hand and your drink in the other. you were basically jumping in every puddle you saw, not caring if your socks got wet. a big smile was on your face because who didn’t enjoy jumping in puddles with bread in your mouth. you looked at the drink you had taken out of the fridge and got happy that it was strawberry milk, your favourite. 

with the speed you were running you knew you’d make it just in time for classes, but before you could reach the school building you saw a young man sitting on a bench. head down, hands intertwined and looking miserable. 

well grumpiness in the morning wasn’t for you, so even if you could put a small smile on his face you’d be more than happy. so before you knew it you were standing in front of the guy, holding the umbrella above the two of you. his gaze slowly turned in your direction, his eyes were red and swollen so that indicated that he was probably crying. you gave him a big smile, showing a full set of teeth. you weren’t ashamed the slightest. you handed him the umbrella and placed the strawberry milk on his lap. 

before he could say anything you took your bag and placed it over your head and started running In the direction of school. you heard him calling after you and when you turned around you could swear you could see a faint smile on his face. so in return you waved at him. “see you”, you found yourself saying while running through the school grounds. 

the day after you saw him sitting there again after having missed your bus again, he handed your umbrella and mumbled a thank you and you’d only smile at him and leave with a sprint because you’d miss school otherwise. 

the day after that you saw him again, sitting yet again in the rain with a miserable look. so you gave him your umbrella and, for this time, banana milk and started running with your bag over your head to school. he’d try to call for you again and you’d only turn your head while running and would scream “see you” again. 

and before you knew it you’d purposely miss every bus and run to school, just so you could see him on that bench every morning. so you could give him your umbrella in the rain and he’d give it back on sunny days and would mutter a shy “thank you” while you’d scream “see you” after every meeting. 

you started to leave the house earlier so you could see him and maybe even talk with him and when you’d see him sitting on that bench you made your way to sit next to him. he didn’t notice it was you yet so you spoke up. “huh, that much for giving you my umbrella every two days”, you said with a pout.

his face shot in your direction and you could see the flush red ears and slightly tinted cheeks as he looked at you. 

“you know, buying you an umbrella would solve many of your problems, but I seem to find it more fun to give you mine and get it back afterwards while you thank me”, you said. “I don’t think i’ve properly introduced myself.” you rose from your seat and stood in front of him while stretching out your arm. “i’m y/n, nice to meet you.”

he smiled at you and shook your hand. “okkotsu, okkotsu yuuta.”

“did you know you have very beautiful eyes yuuta”, you said as you pulled him closer.

he’d blush again and you’d laugh. “i’m looking forward to meet up with you more often.”

and you’d see him every day. every morning ten minutes before classes would start, because even If it were only ten minutes with him they made you feel the happiest. not even jumping in a puddle could relate to the feeling you had when you were with him. 

you would wake up in the morning trying to look better for him. wear your pretty socks or try to make your hair look slightly better than usual and every so often you’d wear a mask to let your skin glow. you found yourself doing things you’d never thought you’d do for someone. suddenly you cared a lot.

you’d figure out all kinds of things about him. his family, his past, his friends (which he didn’t have much). you learned his reason behind his gloomy days and you figured out the reason why he never went to school. “heeh, you pervert. bet you’re just looking at all the passing high school girls.”

he’d worriedly and anxiously try to tell you that was not the case because he was also a high school student, even though you were well aware he’d never actually look at every girl going to school. his reasoning was that he had special tutoring, something you’d never heard before. probably some extra math classes or something. well it wasn’t as if it would have much effect on you. 

it was raining again and you were ready to see yuuta again, but when you were running happily to the bench and sprung in every puddle in the meanwhile you saw he wasn’t there. and he wasn’t there again for several weeks that turned into months.

mornings weren’t special anymore and as much as you hated that this had an effect on you you couldn’t help the growing ache in your chest. you’d jump in puddles on rainy days, but they didn’t give you as much joy as they used to. you tried to run with your bag on your head to work up some adrenaline, but nothing really worked. nothing gave you the joy you wanted. 

many months passed and you found yourself being the person you hated. being the person you did not want to become. being the person that thought too much and let negative thoughts overpower your brain.

it was raining again and you found yourself missing the bus on accident this time. so you walked, not ran, but walked to school that day with no umbrella, no flavoured milk and no bag over your head to protect you from the rain. just you walking in the rain getting completely drench. you saw the bench and made your way to it. you thought of yuuta and sat down at the exact spot he’d sit down. 

you hated every moment. you didn’t wanna sit there and remember. you wanted to move on and be happy. who was yuuta anyways? some dude that forgot his umbrella every day? and yet you couldn’t move an inch. the rain had stoped, but the sounds were still there and suddenly a small bottle of strawberry milk was placed on my lap. you shot your head up and your eyes widened. and umbrella over your head.

“it’s unlike you to see you so gloomy in the morning”, he’d say with his oh so familiar smile. he changed. his hair changed and he grew taller. his face matured and he look a lot more calm rather than anxious like he used to be.

you didn’t realize it until he brushed his hand under your eyes that you were crying. “why did you leave so suddenly?”, you asked. 

“I can’t tell you the whole story yet, but I promise you that I will one day”, he said as he placed a hand on your cheek. “i’m sorry for leaving you so suddenly.”

you took his hand and lowered it from your face. “you can’t just disappear for months and come back only with a sorry expecting me to forgive you. i’ve been through hell. don’t ask me why you leaving had such an effect on me, but it did. I found myself worrying about what you’d think of me, even though something like that never happened to me before. I was happy to see you every morning and I hate how much of a bitter aftertaste you left behind when you didn’t show up for the past months. I hated you. I hated you so much, that I couldn’t even stop thinking about you. and I couldn’t stop myself from caring about you”, you said through tears.

“then let me make it up to you”, he whispered.

you knew what was coming and you let it happen. because you craved his touch and you craved to feel his lips on yours. so when they touched it felt ever so lightly that you found yourself intoxicated by it. you wanted more and pulled him closer as if he’d leave again. you didn’t give him a second to break it while letting your lips dance together. your heart was hammering in your chest and your brain was a mess.

you weren’t going to let him off the hook so easily. a kiss couldn’t stop you from being angry. but the kiss told you that he was ready to stay and was a form of saying that he wasn’t going anywhere. so your repeated see you’s were not a waste of hope. 

[ddarker-dreams]

Division. Yan Scaramouche x Reader [Implied x Yan Childe]

Warnings: Kidnapping, unwanted physical contact and implied suggestive themes. Word count: 1.3k.

While your body might be sore, it’s your arms that feel the worst.

They’re hoisted above your head with a rope secured tight around your wrists, longing for an opportunity to rest. You’ve been standing in this awkward position for many miserable hours. No windows in this dreary cobblestone prison make it difficult to tell the time or to find anything interesting to look at. There’s still no clear indication as to why you’ve ended up in this nightmare, much less when it will end. The person you’re assuming to be in charge has been subjecting you to malicious verbal jabs for the entire duration of your confinement.

“Truth be told,” he circles you like a hawk, his tone deceitfully sweet as honey, stopping only to admire your immobilized form. “I wasn’t sure what the appeal to you was at first.” 

Scaramouche leans forward, soft strands of indigo hair brushing against your face as he closes the distance. He runs a finger over your exposed collarbone, mirth dancing in his eyes at the goosebumps following in its wake. “But now… I think I’m starting to get it.” 

Mustering up your strength and courage, you narrow your eyes, glaring daggers at your captor. He’s thrilled at the sight, unable to hold back his laughter. The finger tails up, to the crux of your neck, which he then wraps his hand around. Your pulse accelerates at the unwelcome sensation, an element he doesn’t miss.

“You’re… you’re Fatui, right?” You inquire, refusing to take this torment in silence. Curious, he nods his head, the pad of his thumb rubbing up and down your neck slowly. 

“If this is about the Northland bank loan, then you’re making a mistake. I’ve already cleared things up with your boss.” As soon as the words fell from your lips, you regret them. Scaramouche’s mischievous attitude dissipates, his eyes piercing through you and a scowl on his face. The tension in the room rises to new heights, thick and palpable. 

“‘My boss’, you say,” he repeats with an irate click of his tongue as if it were the highest insult. “Tartaglia is no such thing, I can assure you.” 

What can this be about then? Your final line of defense is crumbling, now aware that using Childe’s favor on you won’t be viable. It felt reprehensible to use it in the first place, but lowering yourself to such a level would’ve been inconsequential if it earned your freedom. Instead, it’s done the opposite, adding kindling to the flame. Never have you regretted anything in your life as much as your involvement with the Fatui bank. 

Scaramouche removes his hands from you, a minor victory. What you said must’ve struck a nerve. Swallowing thickly, your mind searches desperately for any plausible escape. While you deliberate a plan, he crosses his arms against his chest, mouth set in a straight line.

“Tell me. Do you enjoy his company?” Scaramouche asks with a tilt of his head.

Licking your dry lips, you consider the question. Denial is the obvious answer, but speaking ill of a Harbinger feels like a death wish. Though he did seem rather displeased by mentioning Childe. Just when you thought you were beginning to understand the situation, that self-assuredness has been stolen, leaving more questions in its wake.

Testing your luck, you reveal the truth with a strained rebuttal. “No, I don’t.” 

More laughter. He doubles over, clutching his stomach as if your serious confession is the funniest joke he’s heard his entire life. This unabashed cruelty is a far cry from Childe’s code of conduct. Childe prefers to openly flirt with you, acting coquettish, whispering dirty promises into your ear. Scaramouche’s methodology is entirely different. He revels in your discomfort, actively saying anything to gain a reaction, positive or negative. With a preference for the latter.

“Ah, what a shame he didn’t get to hear you say that,” Scaramouche wipes the corners of his dark eyes, laughter finally settling down. “I’d give anything to see what his reaction would’ve been.”

“Are you two… enemies, or something…?” 

“He certainly thinks so now. I’m interested to see what Tartaglia plans to do, due to the fact Harbingers are forbidden to fight one another,” he hums, wrapping his fingers around a strand of your hair and playing with it. “Just how far would he go? I’m not sure myself, but I can’t wait to see.” 

The word Harbingers rings in your head like a funeral toll. Does that mean Scaramouche is one as well? It would explain his lack of concern for Childe’s combat prowess if he has similar capabilities. When he first approached you, there was no doubting the power he possessed, even with a smaller stature. Why is it these terrible individuals are drawn to you like a moth to a flame? Why are the Archons subjecting you to such torment?

“Another question. Just how far has Tartaglia gone with--” 

“My lord!” A booming voice interrupts, capturing the attention of you both. A person dressed in what you’ve come to recognize as Fatui’s uniform appears, bowing before a less than pleased Scaramouche. 

“Lord Childe is demanding to speak with you,” The agent relays. “I know you said not to interrupt, but, this seems rather urgent.” 

Scaramouche sighs, releasing your hair with a frown. “That was faster than I anticipated.” 

So he was expecting this from the start. Is it relief that you feel? Your emotions are a mess, due to a lack of eating and bodily fatigue. While Childe is unpleasant company, Scaramouche is equally awful, even going so far as to restrain you. You curse yourself for almost preferring being subjected to Childe’s self-serving antics over this. At least Childe gives an illusion of freedom, even if you know it’s only that, an unobtainable reality. When he doesn’t make any movement to leave, the agent speaks up again. “My lord? What should I do?” 

“Did you tell him to leave?” “As you commanded to, yes. I’m afraid he... insisted.” 

“Of course the lovesick puppy did,” Scaramouche shakes his head. “No matter. I’ll deal with this myself. Head back and tell him to await my arrival.” 

The term ‘lovesick puppy’ brings questions anew, as you’re solid in the belief what Childe feels for you isn’t love. Voicing this sentiment won’t get you anywhere, so you resolve to hold your tongue, silently steaming in your indignation. 

The agent’s body stiffens and they clear their throat. “T-that’s the other issue, my lord. I’m afraid he’s… coming as we speak.” 

Scaramouche doesn’t seem visibly bothered by the revelation, treating it as a mild thorn in his side than an urgent dilemma. You’re left speechless by the unfolding events, looking past the kneeling agent expectantly. Would you finally be able to leave this awful prison? You’d be going into the hands of one madman to the other’s, but the option is sounding oddly appealing at the moment. 

Scaramouche returns his attention to you, appearing pleased with himself. “Be sure to tell him what you said to me earlier.” 

Shifting uncomfortably where you stand, you look to the side, preferring not to be subject to his scrutinizing gaze. Objecting to Childe has never ended well for you. Then there’s the problem of Scaramouche -- how would he react to blatant disobedience -- is it possible his response would be worse for you? While you consider these things, Scaramouche starts to work on loosening your bonds. 

He presses his lips against your ear and the ropes hit the ground.

“Or I might just say it myself. Your choice.” 

[fanficbitch]

In Another Life // Jane Emily

A/N: The first child between Y/N and Hotch!

Aaron Hotchner x y/n

September 2013

The level of uncomfort I am feeling is indescribable. It hurts when I lay on my side, it hurts when I lay on my back, it hurts to sit. Just everything is painful. I don’t know how people do this multiple times. This might have to be my only pregnancy. 

Aaron has been out on a case for the last four days and I am practically useless. So Jess has been coming over to help and take care of Jack. I don’t know how we would survive without her.

Jess left me propped up against the headboard by at least four pillows. I am nearly sitting up. However, this just happens to be the best position that I have found. I glance at my clock and see that it is nearly 2 in the morning. I have to get some sleep, but I don’t feel that happening soon.

To my surprise, the door to my bedroom opens to reveal Aaron. “What are you still doing up?” he asks as he walks in.

“I can’t sleep. I’m too uncomfortable,” I whine. Aaron gives me a sympathetic look then begins to undress from his suit. “How was the case?”

“A little complicated. We were stumped for a while till Reid had a genius moment and figured it out.”

I chuckle slightly. “He’s quite good at that, isn’t he?”

Once Aaron has his pajamas on he gets into bed and properly greets me with a kiss. “Now, how have you been?”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly,” he confirms.

“I have just been miserable. I can’t sleep or sit properly,” I say then place my hands on my stomach. “I just need this baby out.”

“It should only be a few more days,” Aaron assures me.

“Your time off starts now right?” I ask and he nods. Although him and I both know that he could still be called in at any minute.

Aaron scoots closer to me so he can place his hand on my belly. Almost immediately, I feel kicks at the top of my stomach. Aaron smiles while I wince in pain. “I’m glad you’re enjoying this,” I mutter.

“You have to admit she knows her daddy,” Aaron smiles. A true smile from him. I am lucky and see them more than most people do, but every time I see one I am overjoyed.

I place my hand on his cheek and his eyes meet mine. “This baby has no idea just how lucky she is,” I say.

“I was thinking the same thing,” Aaron says. He leans in and kisses me slowly until the kicking starts again. I place my hand on top of his hand that rests on my belly.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” I whisper into his hair.

“Me too,” he smiles.

                                                          **********

When I wake up, it’s to a jolt of pain. With my eyes closed, I reach my hand out and try to find my boyfriend’s hand. After a moment of searching, I open my eyes and see that no one is there.

I check my clock and see that it is almost 7 in the morning, which means Aaron is already knee deep in emails.

I hoist myself out of bed and waddle down the stairs. I find Aaron exactly where I expect to find him, in his office. I peek inside and see him intently staring at his computer with his glasses on. “Hey,” I whisper as I walk in the doorway.

“Hey,” he says and whips off his glasses. He quickly gets up and leads me out of the office and into the living room then onto the couch. Once I’m settled, Aaron takes the other side of the couch. “How was your night?” 

I sigh. “It was rough. I had contractions nearly the whole night, but they’re at least a half hour apart and not lasting very long.”

“Okay, well do you want me to make you some breakfast?”

“Always,” I smile.

“On it,” Aaron says and gives me a kiss before heading to the kitchen.

I manage to get a magazine off the coffee table and flip through it for a few minutes, then I get bored. I move to the dining room so I can overlook Aaron in the kitchen as he makes breakfast.

“So, how has work been today?” I ask.

“I’m on vacation,” Aaron tells me.

“Listen honey, we can do this whole thing where we both pretend you aren’t working, but know you are. Or we can just talk about it,” I say as he bites his bottom lip in thought. “I really don’t mind. I like hearing about work.”

“Well in that case, Morgan is taking over for me while I’m gone and he was just asking a few questions,” he says as he butters my toast. “He says he’s going to do his best not to bother us these next two weeks.”

“Hmm, okay,” I hum.

“What?” Aaron asks as he slides the toast in front of me then sits next to me.

“I just don’t think there is anyway you can stay away from work for that long,” I say. “If Morgan doesn’t call you I’m sure you’ll lend your services.”

“That is not true,” he fights back. I raise my eyebrows at him, but still continue to eat my toast. But halfway through my first piece, pain pierces through my stomach. I lean over and clutch my stomach with one hand while my other one finds Aaron’s hand. “Just breathe through it,” Aaron coos and I do. It’s over within 30 seconds, but it was still painful.

I look up and meet his eyes once it’s over. “Are you sure these aren’t braxton hicks?” Aaron asks.

“I’m sure. These are way stronger than ones I’ve gotten earlier,” I say and he nods.

Just then, a sleepy Jack turns into the dining room, still in his pajamas. “Hey buddy,” Aaron says.

“Hey,” Jack croaks then sits at his seat. “Could I have breakfast please?”

“Yes, I will get you some cereal,” Aaron says then runs off to the kitchen. Jack’s sleepy expression quickly turns to happy when he realizes what we’re getting close to.

“Could she come today?” Jack asks excitedly.

“She could,” I say with a nod.

“Can you please, please, please tell me her name?” he begs.

“We aren’t set on anything,” Aaron says as he returns to the dining room with the cereal. Jack looks back at me from his dad and I give him a wink. I’d say we’re pretty set on the name, Aaron just doesn’t completely know that yet. 

Jack quickly finishes his cereal then goes upstairs to get changed. Aaron slips on shoes even though he is still wearing his pajamas. “You’re taking him to school like that?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, what’s wrong with it?”

“It’s just an interesting choice for someone who usually wears a suit everyday,” I say. “At least I won’t have to worry about any soccer moms hitting on you.”

“I think they’ve learned better by now,” Aaron says as Jack runs down the steps with his bag. “Okay, buddy let’s go,” Aaron says as he ushers him to the garage.

“Bye Jack!” I call.

“Bye Mom!” he calls back and then the door shuts. I’m still not completely used to Jack calling me mom, but I still love it.

I get myself out of the dining room chair then waddle towards the steps. Before I can even get up one step, a gush of water spreads down my legs. Oh no.

                                                         **********

Luckily, it did not take Aaron long to get back. Once he got home, we both sprang into action and grabbed our things then got in the car. 

I got checked in relatively quickly and am currently sitting in my hospital bed. The contractions just keep getting closer and closer together. I know she’s coming soon.

“Aaron,” I say because he is across the room talking to the doctor. He quickly leaves the doctor and comes to my side. “Hold my hand,” I say, nearly begging.

“Of course,” he says and takes my hand. 

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“The doctor is going to check to see how far along you are,” he says and I nod.

Dr. Larson soon pops out from my lower parts with a smile. “Okay, Mama it’s time to push. Are you ready?”

I look to Aaron before responding. He gives me a reassuring nod which gives me more confidence then he’ll ever know. “Let’s do this,” I say.

HOTCH POV

I lightly coo to the new bundle of joy that rests in my arms. I try to be as quiet as possible because Y/N just fell asleep. 

I slowly rock my arms back and forth as my baby stares up at me. She’s calm and quiet, just like her dad. She let out a few cries the moment she was born, but since then she’s been quiet as a mouse. Her eyes flutter open and close, showing me her beautiful brown eyes. 

I glance up at my girlfriend again. I can’t believe we created something so precious. I forgot that feeling when you have a newborn, but it’s all coming back. The warmth, the wholeness, the pureness. I can’t believe I have gone eight years without this feeling.

There is a soft knock at the door, then Jessica pokes her head in. “Can you take a visitor?” she asks and I raise my eyebrow, unsure. She pushes the door open a little wider and Jack carefully steps into the room. Jessica closes the door again to give us some privacy. 

“Can I see her?” Jack asks softly and I nod. He comes the rest of the way over and stares down at her. “She’s really small.”

“You were this small once,” I whisper. We both stare down at her for a moment while she sleeps. 

“Can I have my baby back?” I hear from behind Jack. Y/N has woken up from her very short nap, but has her arms held out for a baby.

“I wanted you to sleep a little longer,” I say as I stand up slowly.

“I can’t,” Y/N says. “This bed is lumpy.”

Finally, Y/N notices Jack and shows a large smile. “Jack! Did you get to meet your sister yet?”

“Yeah, but she’s sleeping,” he says.

Y/N scoots over to make a small empty space on the bed. “Come up here,” Y/N says. Jack hops up on the bed so he is squeezed next to Y/N. “Do you want to hold her?”

Jack nods excitedly. “Okay,” I say as I place her in Jack’s arms. “Make sure you support her head,” I add. Once the nerves go away, I realize my heart is bursting. The three people I love most in the world all in one place.

“Can I know her name now please?” Jack begs.

I look down at Y/N and smile which is all the confirmation she needs. “Okay,” Y/N says. “Her name is-,”

“Hi!” I hear from the doorway. Garcia is standing with a large bouquet of balloons. “Can I come in?”

“Yes, come in,” I say and she does. Garcia sets the balloon holder on the ground then slowly walks up to the bed. She looks down at our baby for a moment, then covers her mouth. 

“Oh my gosh, she is just beautiful!” Garcia says.

“Well we think so,” I say as I stare down at her. She begins to fuss in her swaddle then lets out a loud wail. Y/N takes our baby from Jack then sighs.

“I think she’s hungry,” Y/N says. 

“Okay, we’ll give you guys a minute,” Garcia says then leads Jack out of the room. Before I know it, Y/N is already feeding our baby. I sit on the edge of the bed and place my hand Y/N’s leg.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Y/N chuckles.

I shake my head in disbelief. “I’m just so happy,” I say. “I am also so proud of you. I can’t believe you brought this beautiful, little girl into our lives.”

Y/N smiles down at her. “She is pretty perfect.”

I lean forward all the way and give her a kiss. “You’re perfect,” I whisper.

“Oh, Aaron,” Y/N laughs.

The more I think about it, the more I realize my whole life is perfect. I have a beautiful wife, two healthy children and a stable job. There is nothing more I could ever want.

I scoot closer to my daughter and my girlfriend. “Jane, how have we gone this long without you?” I ask.

[restlessfandoming]

campfire in the snow (chilumi)

hey friends back again with that fanfic writing :^)

this is my headcannon that childe absolutely suffers during the colder winter months as a hydro user (based on this post here) so SOMEONE’s gotta take care of him

in other words, a chilumi...chilumine? lumichilde? CHILDE X LUMINE sick fic !!!

thanks for reading as always <3

[Fic Masterlist]

“campfire in the snow”

“Ahchoo!” 

Lumine glanced at Childe, watching him sniffle miserably as they walked through the woods towards Mondstadt. 

The sky was overcast, giving the land the hazy gray glow of winter, and the chilly temperature felt stiff against shivering bodies—their coats only warming them slightly. Their shoes crunched in the snow from last night’s snowstorm; the promise of another snowfall hung in the air. 

“Are you sick?” Lumine asked. 

Childe gave a weak smile. “Of course not. In top shape as always.” Then, AHCHOO! Another sneeze. 

Paimon popped up in front of the Harbinger’s face, staring directly at his red nose. “You don’t sound so good to me. Paimon thinks you’re sick!”

“Hate to say it, but I definitely agree with Paimon,” Lumine said, ignoring the guide’s flailing arms of anger. “I think we need to get you somewhere warm.” 

The orange haired man playfully scoffed. “All I need to do is speak with the Grand Master of the Knights. Easiest mission of my—sniff—life.”

The traveler stopped in her tracks, and took off her own scarf, holding it out for Childe. “Then at least take this. I think you need this more than me.”

He looked at the scarf, eyes almost glazing over from yearning. He shook his head. “I’d never take something from a lady in need.” 

Lumine almost threw the scarf at him. “I’m not in need.”

“And she’s not a lady; have you seen her eat?”

“Paimon.”

“Paimon only tells the truth!”

“Thank you, really, but it’s just a little reaction to the colder weather. No big deal,” Childe assured, walking past Lumine’s offering. 

“What’s his problem?” she muttered, as he walked ahead. She heard him coughing in the distance. Why won’t he just take it? 

“He doesn’t seem so threatening now, does he?” Paimon said. “Paimon’s never seen him so weak…”

“Weak…,” Lumine echoed. 

Of course. 

Childe was a member of the Fatui. A Harbinger. A deadly fighter. Someone who used a bow despite it being his weakest weapon. 

He would never accept help like this, not when it made him feel weak. 

Lumine groaned in frustration. Stupid, stupid man. She continued on the path, picking up her pace to try and catch up to him. 

Except he was nowhere to be seen. The cold set into her body a little more. 

“Childe?” she called out. She ran down the path, eyes scanning every inch of the snowy road and fields. Then—

“Lumine, look!” Paimon shouted, speeding over to Childe’s body laying in the snow. 

The blonde traveler quickly scrambled to his side, flipping him over so his face wasn’t buried in the snow. He was drained of color, and his body felt ice cold. There was barely air leaving his nose. 

“Childe!” she called, shaking him. Wake up; please, wake up! 

He didn’t move. Lumine cursed. 

“What should we do?” Paimon asked frantically. 

Lumine took a deep breath in, then took off her own coat and scarf, placing it on Childe’s shoulders. She shuddered as the winter air nipped at her skin. 

“Now you’re gonna freeze to death!”

“It’s okay, Paimon,” she said, beginning to pick up the unconscious man. “We need to find somewhere to stop and start a fire.”

Paimon nodded worriedly, trying to (unsuccessfully) help Lumine shoulder Childe. The traveler eventually had his arm slung across her shoulders, and her arm gripped his waist. 

The three shuffled down the path, searching for any sort of shelter or firewood. As time went on, Lumine felt colder and colder, her whole body beginning to ache under the weight of Childe. Every so often, she would call out his name, hoping to hear a response, but there was nothing. 

As she crested the top of the hill, she spotted a tiny cabin at the base. Her ragged breath became concentrated as she mustered up the last of her energy to drag Childe there. 

“Almost...there…,” she strained out. No response. 

“Come on! You can do it!” Paimon cheered, though her scared expression betrayed her positivity. 

Lumine was mere feet away from the door when she heard a familiar high pitched and distorted laughter ring out behind her. 

An Abyss Mage! 

She turned to see it prancing around in its bubble, icicles swirling around it. 

Great, a Cryo Mage at that.

She set Childe down gently, then drew her sword. The blade shook in her hand, her teeth chattering. And she still felt winded. But I have to protect us. 

“Try to wake him up,” she told Paimon. The tiny fairy nodded and started tapping his shoulder.

Lumine charged the mage. Her blade scraped against the frozen barrier. She slashed frantically, making miniscule scratches. Around her, icicles fell as the mage chanted spell after spell. It took all of her will to continuously dodge the attacks. Charging enough energy, she unleashed a Palm Vortex. The shield cracked considerably. 

I can do this. She leapt at the mage, striking a few times, then casted a Gust Surge. The bubble crackled. A few more hits and the shield will be down. Then, it’ll be a piece of cake. 

She started concentrating, trying to summon another Palm Vortex, when an icicle came unexpectedly from the side, slamming into her. She crumpled to the ground. 

Nononono. She tried to get up, arms shaking, fighting the exhaustion in her body. 

The sinister laughter drew closer as the mage floated towards her. It raised its staff, ready to deliver the finishing blow.

“Hey!” 

Lumine looked past the mage. 

There stood Childe, hunched over, gripping his side, but standing. She almost cried out in relief. 

The mage made noises of anger, blinking away, then reappearing closer to Childe. 

The Harbinger raised his hand, droplets forming from his palm. 

No, Childe wait—! His Hydro elements didn’t stand a chance in this battle. 

The beginnings of his spear formed. But then, the water quickly crystallized, turning into shards of ice, and dropping to the ground. Childe winced painfully. 

Lumine jumped up on her feet, her energy renewed, and raced towards the mage. 

The mage raised its staff again, forming a huge icicle above Childe. He wouldn’t have enough time to move, especially in his condition. The shard started falling. 

“Childe!” Lumine screamed. 

He closed his eyes. The mask sitting atop his head began to glow. It crackled with purple electricity, and spiraled out, creating a barrier. The large icicle shattered on impact. The mage shrieked in confusion. 

Lumine took the distraction, and destroyed the Abyss Mage’s shield, then stabbed its critical point: right through its head. It vanished into the air. 

“Good job...traveler…,” Childe said between heavy breaths. His voice sounded distorted, his eyes and expression darker than before. The electro-shield came down, and Lumine watched as he fell to his knees, before rushing over, and catching him before he fell down completely.

She felt his forehead on her bare shoulder. “You’re burning up,” she whispered. 

He laughed weakly, before descending into coughs. “I hate to say it, but I think you were right,” he murmured. 

She saw Paimon opening the door to the cabin. “Okay, c’mon, we only have a little bit to go, then we can rest.” She felt him nod. 

When the three finally got into the cabin, Lumine laid Childe down, folding their scarves to make a pillow, and covering him with their coats. Paimon helped carry some pieces of wood to her, and soon a small fire was started. The guide disappeared back into her world to let Lumine rest. 

Lumine finally let out a sigh of relief. She looked over Childe, making sure he didn’t have any injuries she didn’t notice before. Her eyes fell on his mask, the mask that created the electro-shield earlier. 

Two elements? That shouldn’t be possible. Was he different, like her? Not of this world? There was certainly something dark about the mask, lurking beneath the surface. 

She reached for the mask. Childe’s hand weakly sprung up, catching her before she could touch it. His eyes were still closed.

“Now, now, we don’t touch things that aren’t ours—isn’t that right, girlie?” he teased quietly. His voice was hoarse, strained. 

“Even on the verge of death, you love teasing me,” Lumine responded. He still hadn’t let go of her wrist. “And anyways, I dragged you all the way here. You could at least tell me what that thing is.” 

He opened his eyes, narrowly. “Sorry, sweetheart, Fatui secret.” Lumine tried pulling her wrist away, but he held onto it, then shifted it so he was holding her hand. “Thank you, Lumine.” 

She blushed. “I couldn’t just leave you out there to die.” She looked at their intertwined hands. “Why did you take this mission anyways? You know it’s dangerous during the Cryo months for a Hydro user like you.” 

There was a long pause of silence. She almost thought he had fallen asleep. 

“It was for Mondstadt,” he finally replied. “I knew you would be here.”

She was feeling warm. Too warm. Is it the fire? Am I getting sick too?

“You should get some sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up,” she said, completely avoiding what he said. He nodded and closed his eyes, a faint smile on his lips. 

Lumine observed his sleeping face, how harmless he seemed right now. None of his antics. None of the mystery surrounding him. None of that lurking darkness. Just a sick, lonely boy. A sick, lonely boy completely vulnerable to the world. 

She started to get up, maybe to go cook some stew for him, but to her surprise, Childe held tightly to her hand. 

“Stay,” he said, hazily. His eyelids were fluttering, like he was struggling to open them. 

“...Okay.” Tired herself, she laid down next to him, tucking herself under the coats as well, glad for the warmth. 

He pulled her closer, letting go of her hand, and instead wrapped his arms around her waist, tucking his head under her chin, like he was listening to her heartbeat—a heartbeat that was surely beating way too fast right now. This sickness is making him delusional…

She was about to start protesting when he started speaking. 

“No one ever stays,” Childe whispered. It had been no louder than a small leaf rustling in the nighttime wind; Lumine might not have heard it if she wasn’t listening. Her heart broke a little. 

She wrapped her arms tightly around him. You’re not alone.

“I’m here,” she whispered back. “I’m right here.”

[fernweh-writes]

not too sure how to submit a request but if possible maybe a billy loomis x reader hurt/comfort? 💕

This is my first time writing a hurt comfort fic so…

-Fern🌿

Word Count: 1.3k

After what you could easily mark up as one of the worst days of your life you were completely exhausted. As soon as you got home you slipped off your shoes, changed into comfortable clothes, and crawled into bed to wallow in your self pity. Once you were bundled up under the covers the mental exhaustion kicked in with the physical exhaustion, but still you just couldn’t seem to fall asleep. Instead, your eyes locked into a random spot on the wall and you began to simply stare as your mind went blank. It was the closest thing to sleep you could manage and you were able to convince yourself that you were still resting, just not ideally.

Eventually your mind began to wander back to the day you had just endured. Thinking of your argument with Billy this morning and the harsh words exchanged did nothing but make your chest ache. Then there was lunch with your family that had gone horribly and you began to wonder if any of them would ever contact you again and pretend it had never happened and everything was okay. You knew better than to hope for an apology from them. By the time you began to recap the shitty work day and your boss yelling at you, tears had begun to stream down your face. Still, you couldn’t find the energy to sob, so you simply allowed your tears to fall and soak the pillow beneath you.

You jerked awake when your phone began to ring. Sleep and confusion clouded your brain, and your body ached and felt heavy so you simply let the phone ring. If it was important it could just wait for tomorrow. As your eyes drifted to the clock on your nightstand you realized that technically it was tomorrow. It was just 2 A.M.

Writing it off as a wrong number, you rolled over and shut your eyes, hoping sleep would pull you back under. Right as you began to drift off the phone began to ring again. Huffing you climbed out of bed and began to dig around in your bag for your cellphone. Seeing your boyfriends name made your heart drop. What could he possibly want at this time of night, he had all day to call you.

“Jesus Christ, y/n, where the fuck have you been?” His voice was angry and you could tell he was seething. ‘Not like that’s out of the norm,’ you thought bitterly.

“What are you talking about Billy,” you mumbled. You yawned and rubbed the sleep away from your eyes. “Why are you even calling me at two in the morning anyways?”

“Oh please, you can’t be serious. Don’t tell me you forgot about the plans you made. I waited on you for hours! And- did you just wake up?”

You groaned. “That’s kind of why I didn’t pick up the first time…and I still don’t know what you’re talking about.” Pulling your phone away you looked down at your phone and noticed the date. It was Saturday, which meant you had completely forgotten about the plans you had made for late Friday night with Billy. “Shit, Billy, I’m sorry I just-“

“Of course you are, you-“

You stopped him before he could even start his rant. “You know what, I don’t want to hear it! You’re always the one throwing a pity party for yourself and I never say anything about it. So for once in your fucking life can you shut up and let someone else be miserable for once. After the day I’ve had you don’t get to yell at me and play the victim anymore Billy. And if my memory serves me right, and believe me I think it does, you told me to forget about those plans after our last argument. So you know what, I did exactly what you wanted, I forgot about it!”

With that you hung up the phone and tossed it away from you. Arguing made you feel sick to your stomach, you hated arguing with him. Billy always did a damn good job of using certain things as leverage against you and you were tired of it. You just wanted to be able to relax for once, to stop stressing.

Negative thoughts began to consume you. You two had done nothing but argue lately and even though he managed to get on every last nerve you still loved him. He was toxic, he killed people, he loved to pick fights with you, he was simply bad news. In a way all those poor attributes were so terribly familiar that in a way they were comforting. You were addicted to Billy Loomis. So much so that even now you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

Crawling back into your bed you laid down, wiping your tears away with the shirt you were wearing, Billy’s shirt. This time, you sobbed. Sobs that shook your whole body and left you gasping for air. You could’ve sworn it felt like someone had their hand wrapped around your heart, squeezing it. If you lost Billy, you lost everything.

Pulling your pillow close to your chest you let all the hurt of the past day finally come crashing over you and be let out. You cried until you ran out of tears and pain, you simply felt numb. Instead, sniffles racked through your body occasionally. The aftershocks of your meltdown.

“Are you done now?” You almost jumped out of your skin when you heard him. Even though the room was dark, just enough moonlight streamed through your window for you to make him out.

“What do you want, Billy?” You had meant for it to sound bitter, but your voice sounded hoarse and weak. Your stuffy nose certainly didn’t help you sound anymore intimidating either. You sounded pathetic.

He didn’t say anything but he moved to sit at the end of your bed, which dipped under his weight. You watched as he bent over to untie his shoes and threw his jacket across the room, making himself comfortable.

When he crawled into the bed next to you, you didn’t protest. Maybe you should have. If it had been earlier in the day, you probably would have. But you were to tired to argue anymore. So when he pulled you against him and held you against his chest you didn’t argue. But you did tear up a little bit again. He felt safe, like home. Nothing could harm you when you were wrapped up in his arms.

“Don’t tell me you’re about to start crying again.” You sniffed and wiped away the tears that had tried to form, “no.”

He chuckled at that and placed a kiss on the top of your head as he bang to mess with your hair. “Good.”

Neither of you said anything after that. All you heard was the sound of his heartbeat in his chest and you could feel his chest rise and fall steadily. If you didn’t know any better you would be thought he was asleep, but you knew him better than that. He was still tense.

“I’m really sorry y/n.” Apologies from Billy were very rare. Hearing those words from him made your stomach do flips as you nuzzled against him. “I know.”

Apologies were rare. The fact he did apologize let you know there would be no more arguments. When you woke up in the morning he would make things better, the two of you could move past this. Things were finally beginning to look up. Content with the knowledge Billy wasn’t going anywhere was enough for you to relax. Him holding you close, playing with your hair and running his hand up and down your back only caused you to relax even further.

As soon as sleep was about to take you once more you heard him whisper an, “I love you.” Yeah, everything was going to be okay.

[andvys]

I don’t wanna be your friend

You never believed in love or at least you didn’t believe in it when it came to you, you didn’t think you were worth being loved and you didn’t think you deserve it not after everything that you have done to survive.

After all you have been through could you still believe that there is something good in this world like love?

You had no faith in that but that changed when you came to Jackson and you met the pretty green eyed girl. Ellie Williams. She made you feel like you were worth being loved, like you actually deserve feeling like this even if it’s just platonically (that’s what you thought it was, at least from her side). She made you forget about all the bad things that you’ve been through. There was no weight on your shoulders when you were with Ellie.

You never thought you’d experience these types of feelings. You’ve read a lot of romance novels and as interesting as they are you always thought they were a little too cliche, the way people fall in love with each other or the way one talks about the other. You used to cringe at them but now you feel like one of the characters of the many books you’ve read that have fallen in love with someone and would take forever to confess their feelings to their crush. You’re annoyed at yourself and your feelings, why does it have to be Ellie? She’s your best friend and you’re pretty convinced she’s not into you and you would never ruin your friendship with her because of your stupid feelings, you’d rather stay miserable forever and love her from afar than ruin any chances at having her in your life.

But what you don’t know is that Ellie feels the same way about you. She loves you and she loved you right from the start, when she first saw you she felt like time stopped and she was staring at you in awe. Your pretty (e/c) eyes trained on her and a shy smile appeared on your face, Jesse was showing you around in Jackson, he was talking your ear off or at least that’s what it looked like to Ellie. Ellie being so in trance with your beauty, she didn’t realize you and Jesse were walking towards her. Jesse was trying to catch her attention but she was still staring at you. To her you were the most beautiful girl she has ever seen in her life and it made her nervous, was that what love at first sight feels like? Ellie was pretty convinced that it was.

“Hello, earth to Ellie” Jesse waved his hand in front of her face, she realized she was shamelessly staring at you while Jesse was trying to catch her attention for at least a whole minute. She noticed your flushed cheeks, you were looking down, probably nervous because of her staring. She thought you looked adorable with that blush on your face.

“Oh sorry guys, how’s it going?” She was really trying to act cool in front of you even though she felt anything but cool in that moment. Jesse noticed her checking you out and smirked to himself “Ellie this is (y/n), (y/n) this is Ellie. (Y/n) arrived here yesterday, I was just showing her around, we’re about halfway done but I have to go see Tommy, maybe you could show her the rest?”

Ellie knew what Jesse was doing, he did not have to go meet Tommy he was teasing her because he catched her staring at you. He was going to pay for this, later.

“Umm sure, yeah I can do that”, Jesse winked at Ellie which made her glare at him.

“Alright I better get going, don’t want to make Tommy wait, it was nice meeting you (y/n), I better see you around!”. You smiled at him, you liked Jesse he seemed like he was going to be a good friend. “Sure and thanks for the tour!”. And with that Jesse was gone and Ellie was left alone with you.

“Alright, shall we?” She was trying to avoid your eyes, she was embarrassed about Jesse and you catching her staring and checking you out earlier.

You were quite, she glanced at you and noticed that you were the one doing the staring now.

Ellie smirked to herself, “(y/n)?”.

“Oh yeah, let’s go”, you gave her a sweet smile, one that made Ellie feel weak in the knees.

Catching herself staring at you again, she tried to play it cool and act like she didn’t just do that again. “Yeah let’s go”.

This was the beginning of your beautiful friendship. Everything you did, you did together.

You were always assigned for patrols together. You’d hang out together as much as you could. She’d play guitar and sing for you. You’d write poems for her and she would make cute little drawings of you.

You had regular movie nights that’d turn into sleepovers because Ellie always (purposely) choose scary movies to watch, ones that made you feel so scared that you’d always end up cuddled in Ellie’s arms. You felt safe wrapped in her arms and Ellie loved having you cling to her.

She’d lovingly look down on you and admire your beautiful face. She was so in love with you.

Whenever you would sleep over you’d be the first to wake up, you’d trace her tattoo and count the many freckles on her face and lovingly watch her sleep. The love you felt for this girl was out of this world, you would do anything for her.

And she would do anything for you.

Everyone else could see how much you two loved each other everyone except for the both of you it seemed.

All Ellie wanted to do was just grab your face, kiss you and confess her undying love for you but she was pretty convinced that you didn’t like her this way. Sure you would cuddle and sleep in her arms but that’s just what best friends do right?

Ellie was pretty sure she would die alone because she just wants you but you probably don’t want her or do you? She has never seen you flirt with anyone. She has never seen you be interested in someone. You were always with her, you gave her all of your attention and you’d always make sure she has eaten enough. You’d bring her gifts back whenever you weren’t on patrol together. Is that really what best friends do? Or is there a slight chance that you could feel the same about Ellie as she feels about you?

She decides to take a chance and confess her feelings for you.

Ellie grabs her coat and leaves her shed, on the way to your house she thinks about how she’s going to do it. How do you tell your best friend that you have fallen in love with them?

She arrived at your house way quicker than she wanted to. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on your door. With a racing heart she waited for you to open the door.

You open the door and your face immediately lights up seeing her standing there. Ellie looked nervous “hey el, come in. I actually just wanted to come over.” You smiled at her. Ellie walked in, your smile making her feel a little less nervous.

She sat down on your sofa, you sat down next to her.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about something” she took your hand in hers. You realized she was anxious about something and that made you worry for the girl. You noticed whatever she was about to tell you made her feel scared about your reaction. “What’s going on El? You know you can talk to me”.

“I love you, (y/n).” She blurted out. This is not how she wanted to do it. She mentally slapped herself. But she was way too nervous to actually form any sentences. This was the only way to do it.

“I love you too, Ellie” you were a little confused as to why she was telling you this, you constantly told each other how much you loved each other.

“No (y/n)... I.. not like this, I love you like I am in love with you and I’ve been in love with you forever.”

You stared at her, your big (e/c) eyes looking into her beautiful green eyes. You were shocked not knowing what to say, how? Ellie is in love with you? Like you are in love with her? This can’t be real. It’s just to good to be true.

The silence was killing Ellie. She immediately regretted confessing her love for you, she felt like she messed everything up. “Please say something”. You stayed quiet, too shocked about her confession. Was this actually happening?

“Shit (y/n)... I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said anything” Ellie got up wanting to leave your house as quickly as possible.

You got out of your trance like state and grabbed Ellie’s hand turning her around “I’m in love with you too Ellie” pressing your lips against hers she let out a gasp, wide eyed watching you she realized she’s not kissing you back, closing her eyes she grabbed your face and pulled you closer, passionately kissing you. This was all she ever dreamed off, no it was even better than that.

Pulling away from the kiss you looked into each other’s eyes and smiled at each other, going in for another kiss. Your hands caressing her waist, you pulled her even closer, if that was even possible.

She gently stroked your cheek with her thumb and smiled into the kiss.

You pulled away from her and opened your eyes and looked at her with loving eyes, seeing her look at you just the same. “This kiss was even better than how it’s described in the books”.

“You’re such a dork”. She laughed at you and kissed your forehead. “Yeah but I’m your dork”.

You hugged her, laying your head on her chest.

She held you tight, “yeah you’re my dork, I love you”.

“And I love you, El”.

She felt so happy to hear you saying those words knowing they aren’t meant in a platonic way. She was happy she took a chance and decided to confess her feelings for you. Hearing you say you’re in love with her, is the best feeling in the world. Knowing that the girl she’s in love with, is in love with her too could make her cry happy tears. She could finally kiss you and be able to call you her girl.

She’s yours and you are hers.

[rhysismydaddy]

Prisoner's Game Pt. 2 (Rowaelin)

Part 1

~Rowan~

Rowan didn't think he'd ever been so pissed off in his life.

The only time that even came close was when he lost his first and only court case, but over the years he'd come to live with that.

This though?

This immature, childish, irritatingly clever woman... he had a feeling he'd carry the rage he felt against her until the day he finally died of it.

Although, if he was honest, his returning move had been a little childish, too.

He'd ordered one of the guards to strip her cell of everything except the chess set. Her mattress, the makeshift knife he shuddered to think she'd had in the same room as him, her pillow.

If she wanted to steal his shit, he'd steal hers, too.

He'd also had the guard move one of his pawns forward on the board.

Not the most creative, but he didn't have many options.

What did you take from a woman who had nothing? How did you punish someone who was already serving the longest punishment available?

The bank had seized her assets when she'd been locked up, and the lease on her apartment had long since run out. She didn't have any personal items with her, didn't seem to even care about anything besides making his life hell.

Case in point, when he got home that night, exhausted from dealing with Aelin and spending a long day at the office, he'd discovered her retaliation.

She'd stolen his bed.

The whole goddamn thing, frame and all.

How she'd managed to get it out of a penthouse condo with security not realizing a thing, he had no idea. He knew from experience it wouldn't even fit through the door.

It'd seemed if she was going to be uncomfortable, so was he.

Steaming with anger, he'd showered and flopped on the couch like an idiot, not even able to sleep thanks to the rage she'd worked him into.

She was completely kicking his ass. From the inside of a jail cell.

He hadn't gotten more than a few hours of sleep before giving up on even trying. At six, he'd dressed and driven to Whitehorn and Salvaterre, the law firm he was a partner at.

If he couldn't sleep, he'd at least figure out how the hell she was pulling this shit off.

Looking through her folder, he went through her daily schedule, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

Eight am wake-up, breakfast, shower, lunch, yard time, dinner, lights out at nine. Between activities, she worked out in her cell or read a book from the run-down prison library.

In the eight years she'd been in prison, she hadn't had a single visitor. Her cousin Aedion--a playboy Rowan couldn't be paid to associate with--delivered a care package on the first of every month.

Strange, considering nothing of the sort had been in her cell.

She'd been in solitary confinement ever since randomly attacking her cellmate a little over a month ago. She was still allowed yard time and meals with the other prisoners, but she was chained at all times.

Also strange, considering Aelin wasn't the type to do anything randomly.

Rowan watched the security tapes he'd strong armed the guards into giving him, going through the past few days to see how she'd gotten out of her cell to rob him.

He watched as she was escorted to the yard, watched as she ate breakfast and lunch and dinner alone, watched as she put herself through vigorous training in her cell.

Days of footage, and he didn't find anything.

Feeling like a bit of a creep, he watched the nighttime footage of her sleeping, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.

She didn't move too much or too little--both of which would indicate it wasn't really her under that thin blanket. There were no attempts to pick the locks in between her wrists and ankles, no digging into the wall behind her toilet.

Nothing.

Which meant someone was helping her.

He could go through the official channels and ask the police for her known connections, but he hadn't reported either of the robberies yet.

Partly because he wanted to deal with her himself, partly because he felt a bit stupid getting robbed from a woman in the most secure prison in the city.

Which means he'd have to go about it a different way.

Grabbing his keys from his desk, he debated how else he could make her miserable, unfortunately finding nothing else he could do to her, no revenge he could get from robbing her tiny little cell.

No, he'd have to try something new.

Maybe he could bribe her into confessing. She didn't have anything right now, but maybe he could give her something to lose.

He'd bring her lunch, force himself to apologize for yelling at her, and just politely ask who her accomplice was.

He thought on it as he rode down the elevator to the garage. It probably wouldn't work, but he didn't know what else to do.

And besides, he knew from experience Aelin didn't respond well to his anger.

Checking his email to make sure he wasn't missing any important meetings, he pressed the button on his car fob, expecting to hear the resounding beep from his designated parking spot.

Except the beep never came.

Slowly looking up, Rowan had to amend his earlier statement.

Now he didn't think he'd ever been so pissed off in his life.

He stormed over to the security booth, hardly refraining from grabbing the man inside and throwing him to the ground.

"Where's my car, Rolland?"

"In your spot, boss," the stout little man replied instantly and surely, snapping his gum and looking at him in confusion. "Haven't seen you drive out yet."

"Yes, exactly. Which is why it's a mystery why it's no longer in it's spot."

Rolland caught up slowly. "You mean... it was stolen? From here? From you?"

Jaw so tight his molars were practically fused together, Rowan growled, "Just let me see the security tapes from this morning."

The guard nodded quickly, eyes nervous as he typed something into the desktop in front of him.

"That's weird," he muttered a moment later, typing faster and sending Rowan a nervous glance.

"What?" he asked, trying to calm himself down with a few of the breathing techniques he'd learned over the years.

"The tapes are gone, but there's... this."

Rolland turned the screen so Rowan could see it, and all the breathing in the world couldn't keep him from slamming a fist into the side of the security shack.

The footage was gone, and on the blank black screen read: Bishop to J7.

He was going to fucking kill her.

~Aelin~

"Enjoy your taxi ride here?" she asked sweetly, leaning back in her chair and crossing her legs.

Rowan scowled at her as he crossed the small room inmates could use to talk to their lawyers. He yanked the chair across from her out, then threw himself into it. "You are such a pain in my ass."

She just shrugged.

He sat across from her, angry and broody, and for a long time, he just stared at her.

Finally he asked, "Why are you doing this, Aelin?"

"I told you. You locked me up for something I didn't do. I want you to be as miserable as I am. It's simple, petty revenge."

Nothing about it was simple, but that was besides the point.

He was quiet for another moment. "Why now?"

She sighed, but she wasn't upset. Truthfully, she'd been waiting for him to ask that question.

"I want to tell you a story."

He stood up suddenly, face exasperated. "I'm not fucking joking around. And I'm not going to let you waste any more of my time."

He made his way to the door, and his dismissal of her pissed her off enough to say, "Sit down, or your car's going off Whigsby Bridge."

He smiled like he'd won their little game. "So you admit you have it."

"Sure," she said casually, honestly not giving a shit about the car.

His brow furrowed. "You're giving up? Just like that?"

"You're a fucking idiot if you think this is about your car, Rowan. But sure, I admit I know exactly where it, and your bed, and your little dagger are being hidden."

He narrowed his eyes. "This conversation is being recorded, and you just admitted to being an accessory to robbery, so-"

"You aren't going to press charges," she cut him off, pulling a cigarette out of her pocket and lighting it.

Nasty little prison habit she'd developed, smoking.

Or maybe she just did it because she knew he hated the smell.

"Oh, really?" he asked incredulously, eyeing the cigarette with disdain.

She grinned. "Once you sit and hear my story and realize I'm telling the truth, you're going to feel so guilty you won't even care about the car. Now sit down. I'd hate to see a classic get totaled because you're being stubborn again."

He glared at her, but came back to the table and sat down again.

Then reached over and snatched the cigarette from her lips, putting it out against the steel table top.

She just pulled out another, lighting it with one of her last matches. The irritation on his face made it worth the loss.

He waved a hand as if to say Get on with it.

She'd debated how to tell him this story for a long time. It was long, and messy and not particularly pleasant for her. But she wanted him to know the full thing, so she'd decided to start at the very beginning.

"My parents died when I was four," she began, ignoring his dramatic sigh. "I went into foster care, and as you can imagine, I was a particularly unruly child."

She smiled at the few memories she had. "I stole from the nuns, snuck out of my room at night and ran through the house, set all the clocks back an hour so we could sleep in. Small stuff. But it irritated them, because they couldn't prove it was me."

"Sounds familiar," he grouched, making her grin.

"I was adopted by Arobynn Hamel a year later."

As she'd predicted, his mouth fell open at that.

Arobynn was the known king of the underworld in Rifthold. He had a hand in every aspect of crime, yet no one could do anything about it because he never committed the crime himself.

His name was revered, so much so no one ever dared to cross him.

"But your record says-"

"That I stayed in foster care until I turned eighteen, I know."

Arobynn hated public records and had a deal with someone in the system that he'd take some of the kids off their hands if they kept quiet about it. Illegal as hell, but he wasn't someone you refused without suffering serious consequences.

It was the perfect crime. No one would miss unwanted kids, and it gave the system one less mouth to feed.

"I didn't know it, but he'd been watching me for a while. He... I don't know, saw something in me. Natural, innocent talent he could work with and turn into something different. He adopted me on my fifth birthday. And then he started training me."

"To do what?" Rowan asked, shoulders tensing.

"Everything," she answered with a shaky laugh, taking a long drag from her cigarette. "Stuff I wanted to learn, like how to pick a lock or walk without making sound. But as I got older, he taught me other stuff. Stuff I didn't want to know."

"How to kill," he finished, picking up on her tone.

She nodded, finishing her cigarette and flicking the butt on the floor.

"I was good," she told him quietly, looking down at the table. "By the time I was fifteen, he said I was the best he'd ever had. None of his other... children could beat me in a fight, not even the older ones who had a hundred pounds on me. And I could steal anything and not leave a trace."

His eyes didn't show an ounce of doubt, and she didn't know how to feel about it. But she kept going anyway.

"I was his favorite. I was his best asset, and I didn't care about anything that would compromise me. I lost my parents, and despite how much he wanted me to, I never loved him. I had no weaknesses. Except Sam."

"Another of his students?" Rowan asked, and it wasn't lost on her he said students instead of children.

She nodded. "We were adopted around the same time, grew up together. He was a year older, and whenever I had a problem, he was the one I'd turn to. He was good to me, and by the time I was seventeen, not a small part of me loved him."

Aelin broke off and took a deep breath, wishing she had another cigarette and trying to figure out how to put into words how much he'd meant to her.

"Was?" Rowan asked, so softly and quietly and understandingly that she was reminded of the man he'd once been, the one she'd loved.

Shaking her head to clear it, she said, "He made a mistake. He went on a job; he was supposed to break into one of the underground casino's owned by Arobynn's competitor and memorize the ledger, but he got caught. It was messy and horrible and stupid, and the owner wanted blood. Arobynn promised he'd kill Sam as retribution."

Rowan's eyes widened, almost like he hadn't realized how brutally she'd been raised until that moment.

"I begged him not to. Sam had saved me and helped me so many times that I couldn't not do the same for him. I told him I'd do anything."

She studied her hands, regret and guilt thick on her skin. "Arobynn said if I took ten of the jobs Sam was supposed to do, he wouldn't kill him. I thought they'd be similar to the one he'd messed up on, small break-ins or robberies. So I accepted."

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she batted it away as she continued, "The second I shook his hand, Tern--another of Arobynn's--shot Sam in the head."

Rowan's face blanched so quickly, she thought he might pass out.

He started to say something, but she spoke faster. "I... snapped. I killed Tern, tried to kill Arobynn. You called me a murderer, and that's true. I am, and I don't regret it. Tern was a sadistic bastard, and I'm glad he's dead. And one day, I'll kill Arobynn for what he did."

Rowan shook his head, confusion and shock and something similar to pity in his eyes. "Why didn't you leave, run away?"

She leveled a look at him. "I didn't exactly have a choice, Rowan. My punishment for Tern lasted for over a year."

There was a long pause.

"Punishment?" he asked in a breathless voice that made something in her chest hurt.

She looked at the table again, skin pebbling at the memory of that year. "He locked me in a cell in the basement, in the dark. Once a month he'd come in to ask if I knew someone named Sam. It took me ten months to get confused, another three to say no."

Still not meeting his eyes, she looked at his hands, noticing they were clenched so tightly the knuckles were white. And a part of her, buried under all the rage and resentment and sadness, warmed at the thought that he was... he was angry for her.

"It took me a long time after to figure out what was real and what wasn't. But Arobynn never let me forget our deal. And right before I met you, he told me the first job."

"What were the jobs?"

Aelin looked back up at that, the air thick between them as she said, "You already know."

"The murders."

She nodded, somehow managing to keep her spine straight despite the feeling of a hundred pound weight being lifted from her shoulders.

He at least knows why now, she thought to herself.

It was one of the things that had bothered her over the years. That he didn't know why she'd done what he thought she'd done. That he thought she'd.. wanted to do it.

He was silent for a long time, just watching her with a carefully emotionless face. "Thank you for telling me that," he said eventually. "I never could understand why."

Then he stood and walked to the door again, and it was only when his hand was on the handle she spoke again. "You asked why I'm doing this, and why I'm doing it now."

He opened the door but paused. Waited.

"It's because I tried to tell you this all those years ago, and you didn't care. You just assumed I was guilty because the evidence looked like it."

She spoke around the lump in her throat. "I told you I didn't kill those people, Rowan, and you didn't even care."

He spun around, slamming the door so hard it rattled, and in a split second, he was in front of her. A hand on the table, the other on her chair, he leaned down and got in her face.

He was so angry, so unbelievably enraged she couldn't believe it. He was angry?

"I didn't care? I didn't fucking care, that's what you think? Watching you get dragged away in cuffs was the worst moment of my life, and you think I didn't fucking care?"

Shock hit her like a bucket of ice water.

That moment was crystal clear in her mind, and she couldn't put what he was saying with what she knew.

He'd watched her with that same expressionless face, with cold eyes that had haunted her ever since.

She opened her mouth to say something, but he wasn't done.

"I fucked loved you! I thought you were the love of my life, Aelin. I begged you to tell me something that would help, tell me anything. But you didn't! You just kept saying you were innocent; you didn't give me anything to actually work with."

"I-"

"I found that stupid fucking list five days before I reported it, did you know that?"

She shook her head, because she hadn't.

"Exactly. You don't know what the hell you're talking about," he growled, eyes flashing. "I spent five days investigating it myself, trying to make sense of why you'd know those names. After your arrest, I spent two weeks trying to find anything, a single piece of evidence, that said it wasn't you. And after the trial, I spent another two months trying to poke holes in my own goddamn case."

He slammed a hand into the table. "I did everything I fucking could! I was desperate for it not to be you. I argued my case so your lawyer could plead circumstantial evidence. I put you on the stand so you could say anything you wanted. I went for life sentences instead of the death penalty to give you time to actually tell me what the hell was going on!"

She was breathing heavily, heart breaking and reforming over and over again at what he was saying, what he was implying.

"I didn't assume shit," he said in a low voice, so close they shared air. "You didn't tell me anything."

Aelin's voice trembled as she croaked, "I tried."

He shook his head, letting out a breath of amusement. "No, you didn't. If this past week has proven anything, it's that you don't try to do anything, you do it. You didn't tell me anything, Aelin. You're still not telling me anything."

"I'm telling you to look again! I'm telling you you didn't look hard enough, because I left breadcrumbs only you could find, breadcrumbs that explain everything."

"Stop playing games with me!" he shouted, eyes flashing with a fresh wave of anger. "It's been eight years! Stop holding onto whatever secret you're holding onto and just tell me!"

Gods, she wanted to.

He was the one person she couldn't trust with this secret, this stupid, most important secret, and yet he was the also the one person she wanted to tell it to.

She opened her mouth to tell him, but what came out was, "I didn't kill them, Rowan. I promise I didn't kill them. I can't... I can't tell you anything else."

"Jesus, Aelin," he spat, pushing off the table and turning to leave.

"Just look into it," she called after him, fingers digging into the table to resist the urge to try and follow him. "I promise you can figure everything out, and you'll understand everything. Please."

She knew why, after all this time, it was so important for him to know the truth when that hadn't been her original plan.

It was because she'd spent eight years believing he hadn't tried, believing she hadn't been a good enough person for him to even look into the possibility it wasn't her.

And maybe it was because he was once again leaving her, or maybe it was because she felt like she was in that courtroom again, begging him to believe her, or maybe it was because of something she didn't even understand yet.

Regardless of the reason, she found herself saying, "I loved you, too, you know."

He looked at her with sad eyes that she was sure mirrored her own and shook his head. "Not enough, apparently."

"You don't believe that," she argued, shaking her head and trying to keep the building emotions down.

"If you'd loved me, you would've told me. You would've given me the proof, whatever breadcrumbs you're talking about. You wouldn't have let me watch them take you away."

"Rowan-"

"You wouldn't have thought, for a second, that I didn't try to fight for you. And you sure as hell wouldn't have waited eight years to do whatever it is you're trying to do."

"I had to," she whispered, even as she knew it wouldn't be enough.

She shook with the effort to not tell him everything, but even after all he'd told her and how everything had changed, she just couldn't. Not yet.

He stood at the door, watching her with those eyes she'd once thought looked like the most beautiful emeralds. "Sometimes I think about it, you know. What life would be like if I hadn't tried to fix your sink in the middle of the night."

She smiled sadly. "Me too."

Rowan shook his head, gaze taking in her face like he thought he'd never see her again.

He thought it was over now, she realized. He thought that now she knew he hadn't given up on her immediately, now that she'd told him the story she'd wanted to tell him, that it was over and she'd give up.

"Look again," she whispered. "You know I didn't do it. It's why you're here, why you kept looking after the trial ended. You know I wouldn't."

"Goodbye, Aelin," he said instead, not telling her any of the things she really wanted to hear.

It wasn't until the door shut behind him she finally let herself cry.

She'd told herself that it didn't matter; that in a month the truth would come out and everything would be normal again.

She'd told herself she was only messing with Rowan for revenge, not because she wanted to see him again or test that he'd find the clues she'd left for him.

She'd told herself this was just a game.

She'd told herself all sorts of things that turned out to be lies.

~~~

Part 3

@audreycressworth @whimsicallyreading @onceupona-chaos @lil-unoriginal-weirdo-273sole @surielandiareendgame @captain-swan-is-endgame @poisonous00 @vasudharaghavan @sailorsassley @endlessdaydream @swankii-art-teacher @beanco8 @stokingthemidnightflame @mis-lil-red @ladyfireheart-and-buzzard @sheharahu @perseusannabeth @cursebreaker29 @a-bit-of-a-cactus @elriel4life @girl-who-reads-the-books @aelinfeyreeleven945tbln @live-the-fangirl-life @ireallyshouldsleeprn @highqueenofelfhame @gracie-rosee @rowaelinismyotp @nahthanks @ghostlyrose2 @lovemollywho @inardour @tillyrubes10 @claralady @tswaney17 @rowanisahunk @superspiritfestival @thegoddessofyou @awesomelena555 @booksofthemoon @greerlunna @jlinez @studyliketate @over300books @justgiu12 @maastrash @aesthetics-11 @bamchickawowow @b00kworm @sleeping-and-books @musicmaam @hizqueen4life @maybekindasortaace

[thefanficmonster]

Oblivious

Valkyrae (Rae) x Reader (Gender Neutral) ft. Corpse Husband

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: In the most desperate of times, we may or may not be used to hearing the phrase ‘Beggers can’t be choosers’ which is exactly why Y/N’s found themself asking the most hopeless of cases when it comes to love and romance - Corpse, for help.

Requested by Xara. Hi darling! Thank you so much for this wonderful request you’ve sent me - I love writing for Rae (excuse my bi excitement, I’m just a HUGE simp) and I can’t thank you enough for giving me the opportunity to do so. Sorry it’s been two months since you requested this but here it finally is and I hope it makes up for the wait. Love, Vy ❤

“Corpse, I’m in desperate need for help.“ I don’t even bother with a friendly or even polite greeting. Being best friends for as long as we have, Corpse and I excluded the politeness that comes with phone calls a long time ago, especially when calling with an emergency. Though, let’s be honest, if I’m calling him on the phone and not on video chat like I usually do, it is an emergency.

“Given that you’re asking me, I can imagine how desperate you are.“ He has the audacity to laugh in response, causing me to roll my eyes. 

Now, don’t get the wrong idea - I love Corpse with all my heart. Him and I have been through A LOT together considering we know each other since we were teenagers. However, there are some instances in life when he simply doesn’t get me. Not that he doesn’t try to, he does and does so very hard, but he rarely succeeds. Trying is what matters, of course. Given that he is my only close friend, I can only ever turn to him with my problems though I try my best not to bother him too much, but when things get REALLY tough, I can’t help but go and vent to him. Luckily, he’s always been very understanding, but it may be because he feels like he owes me for all the times he has turned to me with his problems. I’ve tried to explain that he shouldn’t feel such a way, but that’s rather hypocritical of me cause I feel the same way.

Alright, enough digressing, back on track!

“Desperate doesn’t even begin to summarize how I feel.“ I sigh, plopping down on the couch in my living room, kicking my feet up on the coffee table as I cover my eyes with my hand. “Brutally miserable is, I think, the correct term to use here.“

I hear Corpse let out a quiet ‘oof’, one I think he hoped I wouldn’t hear. “And what led you to finally give in and ask for help, not that I can offer you much?”

I can’t help but snort at that, a snort that serves as a replacement to slapping myself across the face. “Rae texted me yesterday asking if I’d like to play Minecraft with her and I took THREE HOURS to respond! Not on purpose, I just couldn’t think of something good to say!” I know I sound like a whiney kid, but I think I’ve passed that threshold LONG ago. Of course, this whiney kid version of me only surfaces around Corpse and Corpse only. No one else is allowed to see me like this or that would legit be the end of any sort of pride I may have left in me.

“You mean you couldn’t choose between ‘Sure, I’d like that!’ and ‘Of course, I’d love to!’? Please say yes.“ Corpse already sounds disappointed and he hasn’t even heard the worst of it yet.

“No and sit tight, it gets worse. I...“

He cuts me off, “Wait, no, don’t say it. Let me guess - you turned her down? Keep in mind if you say yes I’m hanging up on you.”

I remain silent, pinching the bridge of me nose and cringing as hard as my facial muscles are willing to allow. I can’t say yes, not cause he’ll hang up but because admitting it makes it more real, and the more real it is the more depressed it’ll make me and I will go back to being a self-deprecating mess that refuses to be productive or properly functioning - aka ‘Whiney Kid Maximum’.

“I’m hanging up.“ Corpse says after waiting five seconds for my response that only comes in the form of dead silence which is more than enough of an answer in and of itself.

“No, please don’t!“ I squeak out despite my agony, “I’ll never break the cycle if you don’t help me, Corpse! I’m a hopeless case!“

“You’re a hopeless case with or without me, Y/N.“ He states, angering me ever so slightly. “Not only cause you really are, but because I have nothing useful to offer you. Not even a single advice. Even if I did, giving it to you would by hypocritical when considered how bad I am on this field myself. Hell, the very person you’re head over heels for is my personal matchmaker. If anything, you should be asking her how to swoon her...“ He pauses.

So does my brain.

For a second we’re both quiet, the silence on the line suggesting big plans are being developed - well, not on my end but still.

“Now there’s an idea...“ He mutters more to himself than to me.

“No!“ I shriek fearfully, “Please, if you love me even the tiniest bit, Corpse, don’t put me in a situation where I have to be alone with Rae! Not IRL not in a Discord call - not in ANYTHING. I close up and end up seeming unfriendly and rude because of my inability to talk to her like a normal human being! I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just can’t do it! So please don’t make me.“

I maybe can’t read minds, but hell if I can’t at least have a rough guess of what’s on my best friend’s mind - I know he’s already scheming and coming up with odd solutions to my problem - some of which will cause me more problems but let’s not even mention those. That being said, I need to prevent him from actually carrying out any of his absurd schemes, otherwise it’s game over for me.

“Hmm, ok fine, but only cause I wanna spare you your own awkwardness. Consider it charity.“ He sighs, the disappointment even more evident now.

I sigh too, but I do so in defeated relief. It’s bittersweet, to be honest. “Thank you.”

“Don’t.“ He says sharply, “Don’t thank me. It’ll make me feel like I’m encouraging your behavior.“

Well, screw my feelings, I guess. I’m left on this battlefield alone, aren’t I?

Corpse hanging up the call confirms that I am, indeed, alone.

                                                             *  *  *

“Hello?“

“Are you still in bed, for the love of God? It’s noon!“ Not only did he have the audacity to wake me up with his phone call, but now he has the audacity to judge me on my sleeping habits as well. Some darn nerve he has.

“What do you want, Corpse?“ I grumble out, groggy and now grumpy too. The last thing I need is the only person I can turn to turning on me. Especially not now. I don’t need his or anybody else’s judgement of me or my life, it’ll hurt too much.

“I want to know how long you haven’t showered, Y/N.“ He barks back, causing me to roll my eyes. “And when’s the last time you actually ate something healthy and nutritious and not just greasy takeout?”

“I showered last night!“ I straighten up and frown, feeling offended despite his questions being justifiable. I think that’s exactly why I’m pissed off, to be honest - he knows me and my habits too well. “And you’re just being hypocritical on the eating part!“

“Whatever.“ He mutters, allowing me to feel at least a tiny sense of victory for having proven him wrong, “Get your ass up and come play Minecraft with me, you need to be cheered up asap.“ He continues, much to my dismay. “And don’t even think about saying ‘no’. If you do, just remember, I have your address and a strong will to kick your ass into shape.“

“Into shape? We’re going to the gym or something?“ I’m honestly confused and intrigued now. Maybe the gym isn’t such a bad idea, I’m sure I could become really good friends with the punching bag.

Corpse sighs exasperatedly in a way I can basically hear him roll his eyes as well, “Not that kind of shape, Y/N. Just get on Discord, seriously, I’m worried about you.“ 

That sentence strikes a nerve. Something about that genuine concern in his voice reminds me that I still need to move on from focusing so strongly on just my failures, no matter how big or small, and keep pushing forward, if not for myself then for the people who care about me. For Corpse especially, seeing as how he’s sort of been my babysitter ever since my feelings towards Rae started to consume me whole and suffocate me. I don’t know how or when it happened, in fact I can best describe it as the Titanic: I was doing ok and then instead of hitting an iceberg the iceberg of feelings hit me and I started sinking. Corpse was there to offer me a hand to help me keep at least my head above the surface. He can’t pull me out of the water but he’s not willing to let go either. I’m afraid holding on like that will tire him out to the point of letting go of me completely, but I’m afraid of sinking too. You see my dilemma here, no?

“Ok, give me twenty minutes.“

I would have probably continued sleeping or just chilled on social media, refusing to get out of bed for at least another hour, but the debt I feel towards Corpse is stronger than the desire to be a slob so I motivate myself with every power my fragile mind can fish out of the void and push the covers off me, shivering at the drastic change in temperature around my body now that I’m exposed to the rather cool air in my room, my pajamas hopeless at providing me with any warmth.

Twenty minutes later sharp, I’m seated at my desk, in front of my computer with my headphones on, taking one last encouraging breath before entering the call where Corpse is waiting for me.

“Yo.“ I greet him half-heartedly, drawing invisible abstract patterns on my desk with my finger as if I’m avoiding eye contact with him IRL.

“Glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of punctuality at least.“ He chuckles, sounding a lot more pleasant and a lot more like my friend Corpse and less like sergeant Corpse Husband who was speaking with me on the phone earlier.

“Very funny.“ I murmur in my now common brooding manner, “Anyway, enough about me, how are you doing? Anything interesting happen since we last spoke?“

“You mean in the past ten hours? No, nothing interesting apart from that I managed to catch a few z’s.“ He replies as I join the Minecraft server, managing to get a smile out of me.

“Hey, that’s nice to hear! Good for you, Corpsie.“ I say, honestly proud and happy for him.

“Yeah, and just so you’re not calling me hypocritical on the topic of eating, I’m currently cooking myself lunch.“ He points out, now just straight up peacocking, “On that note, I got a pot on the stove so you’ll have to excuse me for a sec.“

“Please go. Don’t set your apartment on fire the first time you cook” I snicker, leaning back in my chair and fetch my phone to kill the time while he’s gone to tend to whatever attempt at a meal he has prepping in his kitchen. I feel bad for his stomach, and his kitchen, already.

“Corpse? Hi!“

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no - tell me that was an auditory hallucination and I didn’t actually hear that just now! TELL ME!

“Rae?“ I blurt out, almost falling backwards out of my chair, eyes wide, jaw hanging slightly.

Just then I get a text from Corpse:

Consider me dead and carry the convo. I know you’ve got this, Y/N

Oh that prick is gonna get it!

“Y/N? Hi! Sorry, Corpse didn’t mention you’d be playing with us, but it’s so nice to be hearing from you! It feels like it’s been forever.“ Rae replies, cheery and enthusiastic as ever, just like the absolute sweetheart she is.

With Corpse absent from his position, without his metaphorical hand holding mine, I’m metaphorically sinking and drowning. Maybe the drowning part isn’t so metaphorical after all, considering I actually am drowning in all the thoughts produced by my mind at the moment. A mind that’s going completely haywire, might I add.

“Hehe, well, funny thing, he didn’t tell me you’d be playing with us either.“ I chuckle anxiously, already breaking out in a nervous sweat. I solemnly promise to kill Corpse first chance I get, that way he’ll at least be dead for real.

“He set us up, huh? What’s his game, where even is he?“ Rae asks, properly confused as she should be.

All on-point questions, hun. And I can’t answer any of them logically.

“Um, you know, he’s off doing...something.“ And there go my conversational skills out the window, I hope they send me a postcard one day.

“Whatever, enough about Mr. Ominous. Tell me, what’s been keeping you busy?“ Oh crap, this is the question I’ve been fearing. Mostly cause I’m not prepared for it. “Actually no, let me rephrase: Why have you been avoiding me recently?“

‘Oh crap’ squared. Tripled.

“Whaaat? Avoiding you? Where’d you get that idea?“ I’m aware of my high pitched voice, but it’s not like I can do much to tone it down. Every part of me is in critical panic mode and rationality has accompanied my aforementioned conversational skills out the window.

“I don’t know, Y/N. Ignoring my texts, leaving me on ‘Seen’ and then declining my offer just to accept the same one coming from Corpse - can’t really blame me for finding it shady.“ She replies, her words making me wince and hide my face in the palms of my hands as though it’ll shield me from Rae’s brutal honesty and forthrightness. 

“I’ve been...bad at replying to everyone lately, nothing personal, I swear.“ Yeah, that sounded convincing, good gosh-darn job, Y/N!

“Why’s that?“ Something about her tone suggest she knows I’m lying and is just humoring me and my agony. I don’t know if to thank her for it or wish she’d just rip off the band-aid and confront me head-on. In that case I’d have only one of two options: freeze up or spill my guts. Honestly, I don’t know which is worse. “I thought you’d reach out to me, given you’ve found yourself in a pickle.”

I frown, confused and wary like I’m walking on thin ice over a pool of sharks, “Pickle? What pickle?“

“Corpse mentioned you needed dating advice.“ She replies simply as though it should’ve been obvious and as if it’s the most casual, regular and normal thing. Little does she know...

“Um, yeah, I guess you can call it that.“ I murmur sheepishly, my cheeks reddening.

“Who’s the lucky girl?“ She asks, the excitement now replacing the previous suspicion she was fronting, making me nervous as hell.

My heart skips a beat, “How’d you know I’m crushing on a girl?“

“Uh...“ She stumbles over her words, pausing to collect her thoughts and formulate a response, “Corpse told me!“ When the reply finally arrives it’s as high pitched as mine was earlier, suggesting something ain’t right.

I stay quiet, my mind and heart racing which is quicker. My leg is bouncing, my fingers are tapping the keyboard rhythmically as I rack my brain, pushing it to put the pieces of this enigmatic puzzle together, connect the dots.

When it finally does, I’m left with a horrific end-result, a realization that makes me go pale as a ghost, “He told you who said girl is too, didn’t he?” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. I keep the tone low so she doesn’t notice how shaky it is.

It takes her a few seconds to reply, but when she does I kinda wish she hadn’t, “Maybe...”

My first instinct is to excuse myself from the call, pack all my kitchen knives and drive to Corpse’s house but with my limbs having lost any and all feeling in them that is practically impossible. So, I settle for my second instinct which is hiding my face in the palms of my hands as though they can shield me from the immense embarrassment Corpse has set me up for.

“Listen...“ I start, not sure where I wanna go with this, “You don’t have to say anything, I get the hint. No need to bother with a gentle reje-“

“I like you too, Y/N!“ Rae cuts off my rambling with a melodic laugh, “I’m sorry, but you can be very oblivious sometimes, and I just wanted to give you a taste of your own medicine for a bit. Sorry if I freaked you out.“ Judging by her tone, she’s not sorry at all. In fact, she’s one step away from bursting out into laughter.

“Trust me, ‘freaked out’ doesn’t even begin to describe it.“ I sigh, exasperatedly, sinking into my chair alike a deflated balloon. “You and Corpse are gonna pay for that heart attack you led me to the brink of!”

This time, she doesn’t hold back, letting out the laughter she’s been holding back this whole time, “I don’t know how Corpse will do that, but could I pay my dues with a brunch on Friday?”

My eyebrows shoot up, “Miss Valkyrae, is this you asking me out on a date?“ I ask teasingly - aka with more confidence than I feel.

Please say ‘yes’. Please say ‘yes’. Please say ‘yes’.

“I don’t know, what do you think, Y/N?“ She asks, tone just as teasing as mine.

“Hey, I’m not as oblivious as you claim I am!“ I argue light-heartedly, “Does 2PM work for you?“

“Any time works for me.“ Rae replies, a smile blatantly evident in her voice. A smile that unleashes a flock of butterflies in my stomach.

And just like that, I have a date with the girl I’ve had a crush on for the longest time. It happened so fast it’s practically a blurred part in my mind, but one thing I’m sure will be crystal-clearly imbedded in my mind forever is that brunch on Friday. Just then, I get yet another text from Mr. Schemer himself.

That wasn’t so hard now, was it?

Some nerve he has, I swear to God.