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mysterious-dark-shadow · 3 years ago

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@da-at-ass is dead, long live @grimoire-of-geekery

I am normally a very private person. I believe I have said this several times on this blog by this point. I don’t like airing out dirty laundry for the court of public opinion to scrutinize. But this time, I need your help. Felix S Warren needs your help. You may have known him as @da-at-ass or @badoccultadvice or @felixswarren , but no longer. His blogs are gone. Years and years of writing from a published occult author, as well as many, many drawings from an accomplished artist & spirit worker, all gone. Without warning, and with no way to know how or why for sure (unless @staff actually responds to Felix’s inquiry).

So, all I’m left with is retrospection and divination. And both lead me to one source: Rune S Emerson, aka @grimoire-of-geekery, @thequeensword , and whatever side blogs he’s running now under the guise of RP and/or spirit work. Now, I will admit that I have a lot of personal enmity for Rune, and emotional appeals only work to convince someone to do something in the short term, but never leads to long term change. So, I will attempt to set my personal feelings aside, and share the facts that I have gathered over the 7 years that I have known Felix and the 5 I had known Rune, as well as my personal insights as a victim of relationship abuse, as documented in many, many posts on my blog.

I would also like to request that those who are reading this who are not Rune reserve judgment, as much as possible. He should have a chance at rebuttal. I would be very interested to read what he has to say, and since I am blocked by him, I cannot tag him directly. I, and Felix, have made posts in the past about his behavior, and his friends have jumped to his defense before he responded to anything, and I think he should have an opportunity to defend himself.

(Apologies in advance for the length of this post. I am on mobile, and have never been able to figure out how to add a “read more” on this app)

A bit of history to start:

I moved to Portland, Oregon in October of 2014. Alone, with one suitcase and my cat, to move in with a person that I had only met over the internet. I was desperate to leave my abusive husband, so I jumped at the opportunity to leave the East Coast behind and travel to the West Coast, where I’ve dreamed about living since I was a child. Unfortunately, he turned out to be an abusive person as well (which I have written about extensively), but the one bright spot in that horrible situation was meeting Felix, first online in December of 2014, and then after almost a year of missed connections, finally in person in October of 2015.

Felix was the kindest person I had ever met by that point, and throughout our friendship (and eventual relationship), he has never lost that distinction. He was also (as I would find out later) a rather well known occult blogger on tumblr. As someone who practiced magic in secret for many, many years, I was thrilled to finally have someone who I could talk with openly about magic, gods, spirits, and so many other aspects of the occult. And then when he told me he was going to introduce me to Rune Emerson, witch and tarot reader (and Felix’s boyfriend), while he was in town for NEWTS 2017, I was ecstatic.

I wore the best clothes I had, hand washing them in the sink so I wouldn’t have to ask my “boyfriend” for money for the laundry. I wore an oversized windbreaker that was gifted to me by a coworker, as it was March and very rainy and cold. I took public transit as far as I could go, and then walked over half a mile to the Monarch Hotel & Convention Center. And the first impression I got was Rune laughing with someone over my “potato sack” of a jacket, while Felix was nowhere to be found. I found out later that he had a massive migraine that whole day, but toughed it out in order to hang out once the sun went down.

I cannot recount how many times Rune belittled me during that day. From telling me I could sneak into a class because “no one will notice someone like you”, to ostentatiously kissing Felix in front of me when I was obviously uncomfortable with casual PDA, to showing off the expensive gifts Felix bought him while smirking at my empty hands and pockets, it seemed like he wanted to make sure that no one remembered me in a favorable light. Unfortunately, I wasn’t really able to talk about my experience with Rune to Felix directly, because my “boyfriend” decided to threaten suicide because I was late getting home and the closest store to us was closed. And that’s just one incident, out of many, where “happenstance” ensured my silence regarding Rune’s behavior. My personal embarrassment of my unfortunate circumstances; another, much more urgent matter; or even just physical or emotional fatigue.

And I can only conclude by this point that Rune has woven magic around himself to ensure it remain so. The more that Felix and I have talked about Rune’s past & present behavior, the worse our personal circumstances have gotten. Aside from Felix’s blog being gone, we have both had to quit our jobs (Felix permanently) and I have been unable to secure another, our mortgage is under review for foreclosure, our house had a sewage leak so bad there was liquid human waste coming out of the drains of the bathtubs, and we are having to rely on the generosity of friends & family to feed ourselves and our 3 cats. Anytime we have tried to start something that had the faintest chance of bringing in funds, we would run into problem after problem. All this happened within the last 2 years, ever since we said “I do” to each other, without Rune’s prior blessing and without his participation.

I am forced to conclude that Rune has cursed our marriage. And, since Felix & I both work with time magic, Rune has managed to insure he was the origin point of many, if not all, of the issues throughout our entire relationship. I was going to ask Felix if he was interested in dating me after his King’s Ride in 2015, but Rune “happened” to meet him in mid November and took away my chance. I was planning on talking with Felix about my feelings for him in September of 2018, but Rune pushed me to admit my feelings about Felix to him first while staging a “private intervention” regarding my abusive boyfriend. Any time I tried to do something romantic or heartfelt for Felix, Rune had either preemptively ruined it because I tried to involve him, or complained about it afterwards when I excluded him. I was hoping to kiss Felix on New Years of 2019, but Rune wanted us to celebrate New Years with him on Second Life, because his 3 husbands (who live in the same house as him, btw) were “not feeling it.”

On top of all my personal experience with Rune, I have also read through all the messages still accessible that were sent back and forth between him and Felix throughout their relationship, with Felix’s blessing. I have also received screenshots from his Patreon discord, where he has minimized my involvement in setting up and managing his discord, as well as making wildly inaccurate claims regarding Felix’s mental health and intentions towards him. I am not providing screenshots of private conversations without Felix’s express permission, and I refuse to discuss in detail most of what was said between them right now. I will say this: as a survivor of internet grooming & gaslighting by a “romantic” interest, I saw many reflections in my past experiences and the messages I was reading early on in Felix & Rune’s online conversations.

Based on my personal history with him, the conversations I’ve read between him and Felix from the start of their relationship in 2015 until Rune broke it off in 2020, and the way he and his “friend group” responded to our posts outlining some of his past behavior, I am forced to conclude that Rune is a master social manipulator and serial abuser, though his strengths lie in connections made or strengthened in person; and, to a lesser extent, one-on-one personal connections via the internet. He is a serial “regifter”, taking expensive presents given with good will, and either giving it to another when he thinks no one will notice, or demanding to know the price so he can give something of equal value. I watched as years of handcrafted gifts imbued with my personal form of helpful magic were intentionally misused or slowly disappeared from his “horde”. And every time I asked about one that had “gone missing”, I received rambling stories of someone who needed it more, or a sudden and deliberate change of conversation.

He demands that his friends pay for his Patreon lessons, then for his witchcraft classes, and his divination readings, and everything leads back to giving him more money, or gifts, or favors, or “hearts”. And if you are not paying enough, or gifting enough, he will harass you until you do. I have sent him at least $50 worth of Linden (Second Life’s currency) during the time I was with my physically, emotionally, and financially abusive ex-boyfriend; paid between $22-30 a month for his Patreon lessons for over a year and a half; made countless things with my own two hands when I did not have the money to give him anything from his wishlists; spent time and energy working behind the scenes to edit Circle of Salt podcast episodes when Felix was too burnt out to continue; and introduced Rune to the idea that he could set up a discord for his Patreon, as well as walked him through the process step-by-step when he was ready to start it up.

His response? I was berated when I missed a Patreon payment while I was moving out of my abusive ex’s house and into Felix’s. I was questioned when, after I started living with Felix, I was not putting anything in the packages Felix would send him. I was told that I had to pay full price for his witchcraft classes, but was able to include the costs of my many gifts, and the work I’ve done for “his podcast and Patreon”, to “reduce” the payment. I was harassed when a podcast episode wasn’t out “according to schedule”, while Felix was saying that “they weren’t releasing episodes a schedule”.

I was treated like an afterthought by Rune, unless he wanted something directly from me, or he was bored and no one more preferable was interacting with him. There were many times in our conversations, especially after I moved in with Felix, where it was obvious he expected me to become Felix’s maid/emotional caretaker so Rune wouldn’t be burdened by such things and could enjoy Felix’s affections freely. He would only message me first when he wasn’t getting a direct response from Felix within his timeframe (often within 5 minutes of sending the initial message to Felix), or when they had a fight so I could step in and “mediate like he and his husbands do for each other”.

He never treated my relationship with Felix as something separate and distinct from the polycule he was in, and would often lump me in with his “family”, while never asking me if I wanted to be included in the group in the first place. I never consented to being anything more than Rune’s friend, and the one time I tried to broach the topic of us becoming romantically involved, he declared that his romantic plate was full and that he “doesn’t date girls well.” (Btw, I was out as a masc-leaning non-binary person to Rune & Felix by this point).

So, to see that not only Rune, but the “friends” that Felix had while he was “tumblr famous”, spread lies about Felix (and probably got his blogs taken offline), the only person who has been unfalteringly kind to me, someone who had never known true kindness before that point, makes me so upset that I cannot even put it into words. And, though I cannot prove it, I know that Rune has been asking many people, both who know us and those who don’t, to cast baneful magic against us. For what reason, I cannot determine, and the tarot cards are silent. But I can guess that he is afraid of what we may say, based on his reactions on what we have already said, on tumblr and elsewhere.

(For anyone who has read this far, thank you. Please keep in mind that these are just my experiences, and that Rune has not publicly answered anything regarding this latest accusation against his character, as well as the other accusations that Felix and/or I have made, many of which can be found by scrolling down on my blog. As for a call to action, all I ask is that you reserve judgement until Rune responds, or makes it obvious he does not care to. If you want direct links to what I have posted previously, let me know in a reply to this post, and I will tag you when I am able to reblog it. I also ask for your patience, as Felix & I are dealing with a lot of IRL issues as well as online ones, and I may take a few days to reply.)

#tw abuse #I’m tired of being silenced by yet another abuser #this time via magic #I have nothing else to lose at this point #I want to know why

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rpmemesbyarat · 4 years ago

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Hello Tumblr people. I’m 31 years old and I’ve been on Tumblr since 2014. That’s not really old, and that’s not really a long time, but I know it’s older and longer than a lot of other folks. Tumblr is a space mainly populated by teens and twenties, and I know when I was in that age group, I thought 31 was a Real Adult (TM) Which, shit, it’s not, it’s really not, especially not for me, but nonetheless, I have learned some things in my time that I wish I could impart to my younger self, and instead will impart to y’all. Take what you like and what works for you and leave the rest, I’m no expert or guru or authority on anything, I’m just trying to be helpful. Being nice costs nothing. I once was standoffish to someone who came and chatted to me in IMs. That guy later died. True story. I feel terrible about it to this day. I was wary and kind of snotty in those days and I regret that. It’s one thing to be careful about strangers approaching but that wasn’t what I did here. It costs nothing to be nice. It costs nothing to be friendly. To do stuff like show interest in others, care about what they have to say, comment when they share things about their day. These are tiny things that cost nothing but give so much. Don’t pass the opportunity by. And definitely don’t snub someone for no reason. If you don’t want to interact, you don’t have to, but don’t be cold about it unless it’s legitimately because you’re uncomfy with this person and want them to go away. Your safety and comfort do come before any obligation to be nice, but I hope it’s clear that’s not what I’m talking about here. Be a candle that lights other candles. You know what else costs nothing? Encouragement. There’s nothing stopping you from telling others what you like about their content, what they post, what they create, what thoughts they have, the things they say, or just how passionate they are about something. There’s nothing stopping you from saying you hope the best for someone going through a rough time, or how cute their pets are, or how you’re glad they got themselves a treat today. You don’t need to be someone’s therapist ---I know I sure don’t have the emotional energy for that--or have solutions for them, you don’t need to force yourself to say anything insincere or that you don’t have the spoons for, but when you can, say something positive to others. First impressions can be wrong but gut feelings are often right. Like I said, being nice should NEVER trump your own comfort or safety. If you get weird vibes from someone, book it. Sure, you could be wrong. I’ve been wrong about a lot of people. I’ve also been right about others, and should have left when I had the chance before they could prove to me how right I was. Technically, there was nothing stopping me. It was online, after all. I could have just vanished and they’d probably never have tracked me down or made contact again. But I was lonely, and socially awkward, and like many people, most of my human contact was online, and I thought that this was worth it. It’s not. Whatever kind of friendship or therapeutic RP or free art or support or compliments or advice you’re getting from someone online. . . it’s not worth it if they’re mean or creepy too. Whatever you are getting, you can find it somewhere else, in someone else, who won’t make you have to put up with that kind of crap for it. If something feels wrong, don’t wait around for it to get worse. Yes, you may be incorrectly judging a situation and running from nothing, but it’s better you run from nothing than NOT run from SOMETHING. And I know that things like anxiety disorders, trauma, and just different communication styles can make it hard to judge these things (I’ve thought people didn’t like me before just because they were far less effusive in their typing style than I am, and I was wrong) but if you really feel uncomfortable, like this person has said mean or sexual things to you, it’s not just the brain weasels telling you lies. If you’re truly in doubt, get another person’s opinion, but also don’t let them convince you “it’s nothing” if it feels like something. Trust yourself. Creeps, like children, will test your boundaries. Kids will do shit just to see what they can get away and how far they can push you before you put your foot down. Creeps are the same. They’ll start with stuff that you can easily ignore, brush off, and put up with without feeling it’s worth ditching the whole friendship over. But they’ll rarely let it stay there. They’ll typically escalate it if they’re not rebuked. Rebuke them. It can be scary. It can be hard. I know this. I know it firsthand. But feel no sympathy. Feel no fear. Tell them off and pack your bags. They want to know how much you’ll put up with? Show them----nothing at all, that’s what. Don’t be afraid to change your views but don’t feel the need to broadcast it. I’m never getting a personal Tumblr. Because I’m glad they weren’t around when I was a teen. I would have posted things I don’t believe now. Same for when I’m in my 20s. And I bet that will the be the case in my 40s, 50s, and 60s too. Our lives are journeys of changing, learning, and unlearning. And that’s great. But if you post every step of your journey for the world to see, there are those who will use it against you, even if it was stuff from years ago that you should be applauded for growing from, not derided for having ever believed in. Not to mention that what’s the most up-to-date woke terminology and politics changes very rapidly, and what was acceptable when I was a teen is not the preferred lingo now, and it’s likely going to keep changing, and there will be people who find your posts and don’t care about that either. I realize Tumblr gives us a format to metaphorically scream our present beliefs and show how right what you believe is, and the urge to reblog when you see something you agree with wholeheartedly is strong. And if you’ve got a blog that doesn’t easily connect back with you, or you don’t plan to have for the next five years, or whatever, go ahead. But if your blog can be easily connected to you, and therefore could be connected to you again in the future, it wouldn’t hurt to be a bit judicious. I’m not saying “don’t take a stand on anything ever because you might change your mind and/or someone might drag you”, I am saying that in the age of cancel culture and people deep digging for ancient receipts, young people are no longer getting to have their journeys, with all their rooms for fuckups and re-thinkings, that I and those before me got to have, and I think that sucks. By all means, take a stand on what you believe in now, fight for it with all your heart, just also don’t make it too easy for other people to use it against you should you ever change your mind---and don’t be afraid to change your mind either, even when it’s against the grain of what’s presently popular opinion. Find things out for yourself when possible You know how when they taught you things in school about history and America and whatnot and now you’ve found out that there’s so much they DIDN’T tell you, and at least half of what they did is a very edited sack of hooey? Well, the same is true of Tumblr, Facebook, and other online spaces as well as real life. We all laugh at our Boomer parents and grandparents who share clearly false stories on Facebook because they can’t tell that it was clearly crafted to incite their anger or endorsement based on how it’s tailored to validate their beliefs, but I see the same thing happen here. Loads of tale gets touted as “true” on Tumblr because they have been made to appeal to us emotionally by validating our beliefs. But just because our beliefs may be good or progressive or what have you, does not mean that everything that appeals to them is going to be true. When you see a post circulating that claims something really cool about history or such is true, I suggest fact-checking it. This will help halt the spread of misinformation---even if it’s harmless---and help you build your critical thinking and research skills. This does not mean “you must change your views” it means “be skeptical even when something validates your views” People on our own side can lie, and that’s not harmless even if it seems so---contributing to a culture of misinformation is NOT harmless, and we’re less likely to be skeptical of claims that validate what we already believe. Don’t fall for this. That’s all. I hope something in here was valuable to you. If not, thank you for reading and I hope you have a great day!

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love-n-pirates · 4 years ago

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The Harm of Accusing DNF of Queerbaiting + Ignoring The Issue

I like to keep the stuff on this blog lighthearted and jokey and I like to just reblog art but I did wanna make another post about the kaceytron issue but specifically the accusations of queerbaiting. This is gonna be a long post so sorry about that but this stream made me really mad and I’ve put a lot of time into gathering my thoughts and reviewing the VOD again to ensure my citations and interpretations are accurate.

TW for mentions of homophobia and ableism and please remember no matter how mad this might make you as well. Don’t send any hate. Best thing to do is unfollow, block and move on, she’s already had enough of a stage to perform on.

I’ve sectioned the post into summary and thoughts with pictures in case you only want to briefly look but I tried to be cohesive enough without going on too long so hopefully you’ll give the whole thing a read. Particularly a part I wrote at the end about her using Dream as a scapegoat (titled such) I just think it’s important to keep in mind. I watched this shit a second time so you don’t have to! It wrecked my head but I’m unhappy with how they spoke about queerbaiting, which is a serious issue in media, and wanted to talk openly about it here.

At first I did feel bad for her and thought that some of it was blown out of proportion, things that she could learn and grow from but ultimately she showed no remorse and after how she handled speaking with Dream and the immature nature of the whole ordeal I can’t feel entirely awful for her anymore.

This is the tweet that started it all. Kacey is in a very similar circle to Dream and George so it makes sense that Dream stans would find it. Ignoring the sort of humour behind the fact that so many assumed it was about them, it is a shitty tweet and seems kind of irrelevant. Ironically enough, she was getting called out moments later as stans brought up prior racist, ableist and homophobic issues with Kacey. Cancelled for a little more than breathing it seems.

One thing I wish had been asked from the get go was “Who is this tweet supposed to be about?” Kacey said it wasn’t even about them and that people were assuming incorrectly. She could’ve saved herself from the wrath of all the mc stans that came her way if she just said who it was really about. But she didn’t, which indicates to me that it definitely was about them. Not a great statement to make as a cishet woman, unprompted, especially when your influence often intertwines with theirs and when you share mutuals.

I did speak about queerbaiting before in reference to George just a couple posts down but it's blown up massively recently and I wanted to get detailed in a more general sense while using this event as a sort of case study.

For clarification I am a queer woman so I've had my fair run ins with queerbaity content etc. This is gonna be a detailed rundown of what was said with my own thoughts on it and some time stamps are included if you feel the need to see for yourself.

TL;DR

Dream and George are not the malicious straight boys they’re being made out to be. Saying they’re Queerbaiting is a disregard for their own emotional autonomy and they have been open with the fact they do not date nor do they use it for views. This argument is being used to shift focus from the important conversation which is Kaceytron’s use of slurs and arose from a stream that was made about Dream and forced him to be involved. She’s doing it for attention and should be ignored.

WHAT IS QUEERBAITING?

First of all, queer baiting is defined as "a marketing technique for fiction and entertainment in which creators hint at, but then do not actually depict, same-sex romance or other LGBTQ representation."

Technically twitch streams do fall under entertainment although I would argue that there is a certain nuance to this. We know that streamers often put on a certain persona when streaming (Tommy and Quackity are very loud in their own streams because that's their brand, then on their alts they are very laidback) but I would say that Dream and George are two streamers that are often just themselves while streaming. Particularly when they are together, it makes sense that a stream has a change in vibe when the cc is talking with a friend rather than focusing on talking to chat. Since these two usually only stream when they're with friends, we tend to see a more authentic side. We very much feel that they are real people showing their casual side. Their streams do not feel performative, this is part of their appeal.

Don’t forget that Kacey, a cishet woman, puts her streams under the LGBTQIA+ tag on Twitch. A tag only usually used if the streamer is LGBT.

SUMMARY OF EVENTS IN THE STREAM

Now, the stream. During the stream Kacey had her sister and two friends(both gay men, important for a later point) to back her up. Dream joined at about 3hr and 55 mins and already there was a distinct power imbalance in Kacey’s favour within the call. They titled it a debate yet it felt more like relentless high school bullying. They spoke for about an hour and the entire time, Kacey’s chat was spamming for her to ask about queerbaiting. Finally, one of her friends, Shaun, brought it up at about the 4hr and 43min mark.

Now, the reason I have a few issues with this is that it seems to me that he doesn’t really know what he’s talking about. You can see on his stream(in the background of Kacey’s) at one point that he has a massive text post from tumblr up that is accusing Dream of queerbaiting, saying that he gets to benefit from maintaining a queer audience but without the issues that come with being a gay man as he prefers to keep it ambiguous. That text post is super problematic, a creator is not there for your wish fulfillment or to be your idol. Also, there is a lot of assumption coming with saying he isn’t ostracized just because he doesn’t label himself. Instantly it’s clear that this post is the basis for the accusations that Shaun is making. I’m using accusation lightly here because over all I think the Shaun guy was very civil, (at least to Dream’s face) but the rest of the group were quite on the attack, particularly Kacey’s sister, Holly. (I’ll come back to her)

Shaun says that he feels that Dream and George, possibly unintentionally, are guilty of queerbaiting. Dream handled it well and said he would like to open that dialogue and asked Shaun to expand on what he means by queerbaiting and if he has any specific events that would be prevalent. Shaun says he has examples that he can pull up, which he never does, and continues to be very vague and general about it in saying that there’s been a “culture” going on for years that he’s noticed.

At this point, the other guy (I didn’t catch his name, sorry) jumps in and says there's a “clear flirtiness in attitude and undertones” which Dream agrees to. He points out that this is how he interacts with most friends, male and female, on the Dream SMP. He also points out that he acts like that with his friends both on and off camera and it’s not like he’s only approaching gay men and flirting with them. It’s clear that this line of joking is a constant in his friendships, where comfortable, and is never malicious. He even asks what their thoughts would be if he only did it with gay men and how that would differ, they don’t answer this question and the conversation moves on.

At the 4hr 46min mark is where Holly jumps in and tells of VERY personal experiences from Shaun’s past of him being tormented by straight guys in school, being called slurs and jokingly flirted with. She even tells a story about how a homophobe hit him with their car. This was very uncomfortable as it was not her experience to share and Shaun was IN THE CALL. She said that Dream’s flirtations with George could be a trigger to people like Shaun because of that experience. This shows again a lack of awareness for other people, she’s using Shaun's personal story for her own gain and not even letting him be the voice that tells it. This sat poorly with me as Kacey was already being accused of speaking over LGBT voices rather than lifting them up with her, then her sister goes and does it live. Maybe Shaun was ok with this, maybe not, it just didn’t sit well with me. At 5hr and 05mins, after Dream is gone, they mention this again and Shaun asks them to point out when he said he was triggered after he talked about his experience. He was clearly uncomfortable with the use of the word and it seems to have been put in his mouth.

Shaun then says that he doesn’t like it because here are Dream and George exhibiting behaviours that some people are often scared to do because of homophobic violence. To me, this was probably one of the only valid sort of feelings against it (Shame he wasn’t let speak more). I understand why someone might look at it that way, but at the same time there is a clear difference between messing with your friends and real life romantic flirtation. In my own personal life I know that I’ve been afraid of any sort of pda with a partner but when it comes to my own joke flirting with friends, I’m never afraid to do it. This can differ from person to person and maybe is very different for gay men but this is my own gay experience as someone who understands that fear. I think that the line is fairly clear between the real and the jokes and I honestly have no doubt that Dream and George have probably had people throw homophobic language their way but it may not have had to same effect as they don’t present themselves as homosexual.

Worth noting that during this exchange Dream does say in passing he’s straight but it’s said in a hypothetical sort of way which leaves it unclear and he’s stated before that he doesn’t like labels and he wants to keep it ambiguous so it would be more respectful to continue thinking of him as such. Ambiguous is the way he chooses to present his sexuality and this should be accepted by everyone instead of making assumptions that he is straight. He was under pressure from four other adults to explain himself and handle accusations, anyone would say they were straight if they were being pushed like that and felt it wasn’t a safe environment. Which it definitely wasn’t and I advise that anyone who does want to watch back the VOD to turn off chat because they’re extremely toxic.

Holly proceeds to say that this makes gay people the butt of the joke, Dream says that he sees it more as the flirting with his friends as the joke, again, I’d agree with him. Depends on your humour I suppose, but arguably, anyone who watches Kacey interact on egirl rejects and stuff like that will see she often makes flirty jokes with Minx and other female friends, for some reason this isn’t seen as queerbaiting, but it’s unfortunately not brought up. I can understand why, Dream wasn’t trying to make any accusations in return, he was legitimately trying to have an earnest conversation which quickly went sour.

Holly goes on to explain how Shaun feels, by speaking over Shaun, and asks Dream what he thinks about that. Dream agrees that Shaun’s feelings are valid and says “That’s why I started this off by saying ‘lets talk about this’“. Holly gets extremely patronizing and asks if he understands it now that it’s been explained.

Dream is still very patient with them and agrees that he’s said things and learnt from mistakes and criticism that he’s received. He speaks honestly about his original cancelling and how he handled it poorly but learnt from that and has grown to be more careful and thoughtful with the things he says.

I have a real issue with this again because words are continuously put in his mouth. He’s asked several times throughout the whole call to denounce things, from people hating on Kacey to actual MASS SHOOTERS. He’s barely given space to defend himself and is ignored when he tries to say that he can’t control his fans. They just ask him time and time again to denounce multiple things.

The only time where Dream seems actually riled up by anything they say is when Holly, at the 4hr 11min mark, mentions the hashtag “Shooters4Dream” trending and says its Dream stans promoting gun violence (which was just a handful of idiots being insensitive under the tag). Dream responds to this with his classic “Oh come on” but before he can say anything else, Kacey does talk over him and says that the tag was mostly people denouncing it and tries to change the subject, but Dream brings it back and says that the tag was stupid and wrong. Holly and Kacey talk about how people were making jokes about it and Holly asks “Is it funny to you? Because your community think it is.” She’s playing such an abrasive blame game with him and he talks about how he spoke against it on twitter, they discount him, and Holly can be seen laughing at him. When Dream tries to explain the issue properly and Kacey just says, “Lets skip this, let's move on.” Dream points out that it is bad that the tag was trending, but he didn’t want to speak about it too much otherwise it would become a bigger thing. Ultimately, he doesn’t control his fans and the meaning of the tag was misconstrued massively. A matter of poor use of language and appalling timing.

Love or Host

Love or Host is brought up a few times as an example of him flirting with George which I found interesting as he’s only been in one episode (George’s) and he was talking mostly to the girls on the show to figure out who is good for George, as that was his role. During this there was joking about how he should come before the girl and even female guests joined this line of joking. This is all part of the show and most played along with the bit, it’s not an uncommon bit for guests on the show to do. Not just Dream and George, but other guests in their respective episodes.

I also find the mentioning of Love or Host interesting purely because, if anything, it’s the exact type of content that Kacey should hate, right? False relationships being formed? It’s not like there’s only straight people on the show as well, there’s been gay and bi love or hosts so queerbaiting, under the parameters which Kaceytron has set, is on the table. I’ve yet to see a real romantic relationship come out of an episode of LoH. This is a show purely for content and Kacey knows this, she’s appeared on multiple shows and even won Sapnap’s episode. She knows their date wasn’t real. Her sister says that many women are afraid to be on LoH because of hate they receive in the aftermath of the show and she claims it’s running its course because of this. I’d have to disagree with this (it’s a super successful show cmon) and, though a lot of people do get hate on the show, I think it’s often outweighed by the benefits they get from that type of exposure which is why people like Kacey continue to appear on multiple episodes.

What I found most interesting was what she said about her appearance on George’s episode. Mostly jokes were made about this costume:

admittedly, it was kind of funny albeit rather creepy. However, if Kacey felt so strongly about Queerbaiting, why would she dress like that. Why wasn’t she a passionate advocate then? Where’d the sudden fire come from? I think we all know the answers to these questions.

In response to people bringing up how she pandered by using this costume, making her a hypocrite, she said that in dressing like that she knew she was appealing to children. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t know many kids that want to sit through a four hour long dating show filled with adults they don’t know and stuff they don’t understand. I don’t think the Austin Show’s demographic contains an awful lot of kids, no matter who the guest on the show is. Also, the point of the show is not to appeal to the audience per se, but to the person whose episode it is. It felt like a weak excuse and another chance to try take a dig at mc stans for being younger and trying to brand them as immature.

INITIAL AFTER THOUGHTS

As I said before, creators do not owe you anything, especially not a window into their personal lives. We’re lucky that Dream shares so much and is a very open person, you don’t need to pry any more than that. When you get upset about him queerbaiting you, what you say to me is that you don’t see him as a person. It’s a level of objectification that leaves me feeling uneasy, if you feel robbed of something because of this then you need to set your priorities straight.

As Dream said in the stream, he hasn’t misled anyone. He has specified that him and George are not dating nor do they plan to (I included a SS at the end of this as well where he states this again). If he were queerbaiting then he would title his videos as though George was his boyfriend, he doesn’t do this. He makes it clear that they are friends, their chemistry is never used as a marketing device or as the main attraction of a video.

Many pointed out the hypocrisy of Kacey’s claims. Some pointing to her own channel where she has a playlist of 16 videos titled “gay videos”

These are just a few of the videos. Within one of these videos, titled “The F Word”, she complains about reclamation of slurs and repeatedly says the r slur. She shows no remorse for saying slurs and this is part of why it’s difficult to forgive her.

I don’t even know what to say about this video. This is extremely offensive, even if the people involved agreed to it, it doesn’t mean it's not offensive to other gay people. This clip features her sister and Shaun, who were on the call, kissing while clearly intoxicated. The narrative that gay people can be ”turned straight” is extremely harmful and is an unfortunate reality that many LGBT people are forced through. In the call with Dream, they mention how maybe some gay people are fine with Dream and George’s flirting but people like Shaun weren’t and so they should be more respectful. When it comes to a video, like the one I’ve shown above, you’d think they would follow the same thought process. This is far more offensive and harmful to the LGBT community than any harmless flirting between friends. The hypocrisy is blatant.

Sometimes streamers are tricked into saying slurs by donos etc. but instead of saying sorry I didn’t mean it and here’s what happened, Kacey tends to jump on the defensive. Dream said to her around when he first joined the call that he understood how difficult her position was because when he was first cancelled he felt like it was very unfair. He told her that even if you don’t think you’re wrong you can’t control how other people feel and you have to acknowledge that. He did mention how he handled his cancelling badly (something he still gets shit for today despite the fact he learnt from his mistakes) and that instead of getting upset about it now, he knows you should just take accountability and move on. Kacey doesn’t register this and goes on about how terrible it is for her.

MISOGYNY AND AGE DEMOGRAPHIC

Part of me wonders if the reason she continues to fight with mc stans is because she knows she can just call them stupid kids and call it a day. This is interesting to me as I think I’ve seen more 15-24 year olds in this group rather than young children. Maybe this is just the content I’m looking through but I actually think that her demographic is more similar to Dream’s than she thinks. It’s just easier to write them off as snot-nosed minecraft playing children. This is a theme she sticks with as she makes half-assed jokes about bedtimes and parents etc. etc. It’s boring.

Also, despite the accusations at Dream, calling him a misogynist, it actually was both Kacey and Holly who came in with the sexist narrative as they go on about how his fans are just teenage white girls. This is a clear double standard as they are trying to use both age and gender to discount the validity of their feelings.

For someone who says she doesn’t care, it sure is interesting that she’s tweeted constantly about it and streamed for hours at a time. The stream with Dream was seven hours long. She blames the fact that she accidently read a slur out on stream on her lack of sleep. As a creator, you should know your limits and when you are and aren’t emotionally ready to be on camera. Kacey clearly does not know her limits and it effects her greatly. On the first watch I skipped forward in the VOD to the six hour mark and found she was still chatting shit about Dream with her sister while playing Roblox.

Ironic that she goes on about stupid minecraft kids while being a 30 y/o woman playing Roblox. Nothing wrong with playing stuff at whatever age but not when you’re ragging on kids for the same thing.

USING THE GAY NARRATIVE

I finally wanted to come back to the use of her two gay friends in the so called “debate”. At 6hr and 08mins she reads out a message in either chat or from twitter.

“Listen up here cishet woman, you are cishet, shut your mouth and do not talk about queerbaiting ever again, ok?”

I don’t think people should bother going to her chat to say this stuff because it only fans the flames and will not change her mind but it’s what she said after that left me thinking that she knew exactly what she was doing when she included two gay men in the narrative on her side. She says

“That’s why there were two gay people on the show who talked about queerbaiting and how it’s offensive to them. Are they trying to speak over gay voices? Like, who are they playing?”

I find it difficult to consider this a valid point as they quite literally spoke over said gay people themselves and as I mentioned, it was pressure from Shaun’s chat that made him bring it up when it was clear he wasn’t educated on the specifics of who he was speaking with. It all felt very false and like a set up to try catch Dream out. They were essentially there for the clout they get for being plants for Kacey as long as they go along with the narrative she was pushing. They seemed dispassionate about the topic and were more interested in drama. It makes them unconvincing debators.

KACEY’S CHAT AND ABLEISM

I could barely look at the chat the whole time because they were very toxic and some even used slurs in there. Kacey claims to have created a safe space for people, particularly LGBTQ people, yet from what I saw, it was only really a safe space for bigotry and toxicity. These are just some screenshots that I took during the call.

Blatant ableism in the first one, maybe they didn’t know about his ADHD, but this was one of many and even Kacey and her sister made fun of it when he was out of the call.

Gaslighting is a serious accusation. The definition is this: “Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where a person or group makes someone question their sanity, perception of reality, or memories. People experiencing gaslighting often feel confused, anxious, and unable to trust themselves.”

This does not apply to Kacey; she is not questioning her sanity or being confused. She’s outright denying things. There is no gaslighting going on here, yet the chat was FILLED with it. Bitches will learn a new word like gaslighting and queerbaiting and really use it for everything oof.

Not once did he invalidate the fact that there is misogyny in the community and if anything he has expressly supported female creators very vocally and without being asked to. Writing off anything he says just because he’s a white man is not even an argument; he accepts the privilege he has and has never claimed that others don’t experience issues because of these things. This is not a misogynistic attack, this is a grown woman being asked to own up and apologize for her mistakes.

Chat continued to be extremely toxic towards Dream and even people in game with Kacey made multiple jokes about him. Here’s an example of just one.

It says ”What I wear omw to dream’s court hearing.”

They say a lot of horrible things about him and Holly even makes implications of him being inappropriate with fans which is an extremely serious thing to say and is based in NO truth.

SHIFTING FOCUS

Right before Dream left, they reiterated that they didn’t think he was a bad person because of his “queerbaiting”. This was something repeated many times throughout the talk. The implications of this language use is that Dream should be the one apologizing and that Kacey and her friends somehow were the ones with the power to forgive him. Overall, it was misguided and gross. He shouldn’t have had to be defending himself from four people at once all by himself, especially when the conversation was not supposed to be about him. And to clarify, he did not make it about himself, he started by talking about Kacey and how he had been trying to dm her about her cancelling. It was them that turned it on him to flip it in their favour.

There was an insistence that they were the victims, direct quote from Kacey at 5hr 55min and 40sec Kacey says “I am a victim, I am literally a victim of cancel culture.”

Yes, I think the doxxing is too far and constant hate doesn’t do much but Kacey needs to acknowledge that her words hurt a lot of people and she needs to own up to that.

Even after Dream left, they continued to chat shit about him, with Shaun even saying at about the 5hr 16min mark that he thought Dream had “perfectly scripted” his responses in a way that meant he wouldn’t have to denounce his fans. Of course he won’t talk crap on his fans when they’re the reason he is famous and he knows it’s a minority that ruins it for everyone else, he’s said he doesn’t like people who spread hate calling themselves his stans. The idea that Dream could have prepared a response to the questions and accusations thrown at him from a cast of half high and fully ignorant strangers who are all almost 10 years older than him is ridiculous. He was clearly out of his comfort zone and was a complete curveball for him. This leads me on to the main reason I think Dream was dragged into this.

SCAPEGOAT

If we’re being real, this is a clear attempt to change the subject away from Kacey. Dream is someone who people come for often, whether it’s accusations of cheating or scripting or bringing up past mistakes which he has apologized for and showed that he has grown from. He even said to Kacey that he does get death threats and he’s been doxxed before. He constantly gets in trouble because of the more radical “stans” who are a problem starting minority for the rest. Dream separates himself from those people as best as he can, but he knows himself that he can’t escape that brush he’s been tarred with. Kacey also knows this.

By bringing Dream into the narrative, she’s successfully shifted the focus of the conversation in a way that favours her. That stream conversation should’ve been about Kacey and the things that she has said, instead it was a grilling session from four strangers for Dream. Now people are very focused on that aspect of the whole thing (myself included ofc but this post is specifically about qbaiting accusations so) rather than the important part which is holding her accountable for her use of slurs.

It’s not her first attempt at this as she made a twitter post about how she was no.1 trending despite a mass shooting taking place. Of course this is terrible that that would be higher up but it was an obvious blame passing as this reply points out.

She knows what she’s doing and has shown no sign of stopping. It’s best that she’s not given any more attention now but just try not to watch anymore content with her in it. As I said before, don’t bother with any hate, just block and move on. For a creator complaining about all the “kids” coming for her, she doesn’t act all that much older despite being fully grown at 30 years of age.

CONCLUSION

At 6hr 42min 30sec Kacey mentions that she is number 2 on trending to which her friend replies “Good job Kacey”, she laughs. It’s clear that she does this for attention, her friends are there for clout and they are all irrelevant clowns looking to get a career boost out of creators more successful than them. They don’t stop to consider others’ feelings or empathize towards anyone. Kacey will say herself that she got her start from baiting on 4chan, this is her brand. It’s just unfortunate that she seems to think that she’s doing something just when, in actuality, she is causing a lot of damage to the LGBT community and invalidating many people with her unapologetic use of ableist and racist slurs. Her friends congratulate her because it's obvious it’s the attention she wants, this is why she streams for so long and tweets so much. She hit a far higher viewership on this stream than she normally would. I’m sure this sort of hatred does affect her negatively, whether she notices or not, I hope she gets the help she needs to become a less selfish person and to become more productive with her time.

Remember again to not send hate, just block and move on. I also recommend that you don’t watch this stream but if you are going to then watch a reupload on YT so she doesn’t get money out of it.

I was very uncomfortable after watching the stream, especially with all the false allyship with the LGBT community. People like Kacey act like this to get views whenever they’re losing their following. Just don’t fall for any bait and petty jibes that they throw this way. Don’t let any anger get the better of you and just lets move past it as it can’t be healthy for people like Dream to have to see this on his TL as well, which he will if we keep interacting. Though I do think that for now, it’s pretty much over.

For all the talk of how hateful this community is, I couldn’t disagree more. I’ve found most people very pleasant and the CCs themselves very accepting of all types of people. I’ll leave off with these tweets Dream made at the end of last year. Stay safe folks, be positive and kind to each other! Much love <3

#dreamwastaken #kaceytron #georgenotfound

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serenedash · 3 years ago

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I started rambling about my experience with kh and then it turned into khux and then it just turned into me rambling about Ryou and my art journey????? enjoy I guess,

it’s very long but there’s art in there :)

It’s funny to think about my kh journey as a whole tbh, I grew up watching my mom play video games, which included kh1 and 2. I wasn’t allowed to play the playstation2 we owned BUT I did have a gameboy so the first game I played was CoM (after my mom finished it ofc,) so I guess you could say I’ve always been passionate about kh “””side games””” lmao but I did fall off of kh very quickly bc again, I wasn’t allowed to play our PS2 and also I Am A Terrible Gamer I’ve Never Finished CoM I’m sorry you all had to find out like this, but then 358/2 came out when I was in middle school and!!! I didn’t care and I didn’t play idk why lol

Anyway, fast forward to high school I’m like 15 and my older sister, who HAS been keeping up with kh, has a wallpaper on her phone of roxas and ventus. And bc I haven’t kept up I say “nice roxas wallpaper” and she says “thanks but it’s roxas and ventus” and I proceeded to get so mad that I was determined to prove to her that her wallpaper was just roxas twice and then I fell down the BBS rabbit hole and suddenly I was reading about vanitas and then I’m reading the fan translations of the BBS novel and I’m crying??? I am sobbing???? and that’s how I actually got into kh for real lol we are vanitas stans before we are people,

It’s so funny how I thought I was some kh super fan, knowing all this stuff that I spent so long reading and rewatching cutscene movies, but I never once, SOMEHOW NEVER ever came across khx. It’s so absurd and bizarre I seriously have no idea how I never once encountered khx prior to khux. I suppose that has to do with the fact I wasn’t involved in the fandom? In early high school I had stepped away from fandoms as a whole and I didn’t have any interest in really posting content or interacting with fans anymore bc of how burnt out I was from a previous fandom,

but khux released! and I was so hype and excited for it! on launch day I was a senior in high school, I had ran around to every “nerd” and weeb I could find in school to ask them to join my party and fun fact about me is I have crippling social anxiety I literally refuse to start conversations irl so holy shit I was OUT HERE doing the MOST

My player just originally had my name (Matt) but everyone in my party had fun names so Ryou was born! High school was one big yugioh phase for me and ryou bakura is one of my favorite characters ever so it was just the logical name choice lol I quickly started creating Ryou, the character, as well. I was also leaving my homestuck phase and that + vanitas obsession made This character design (art circa 2016)

If y’all are familiar with my kh oc’s you might notice that keyblade now belongs to my kid Monty LOL

Anyway that got scrapped quickly for the chip and dale outfit (which is where Ryou’s trademark goggles are from <3) Goggles have been a staple of my character designs for a LONG TIME so like, it had to be done, (that’s a separate ramble about a separate oc tho)

OG Ryou was an interesting guy; he was a young party leader with this overwhelming responsibility on his shoulders bc of his status as a party leader. In his original story, he also struggled heavily with darkness, much like Terra but for Ryou it was more that the darkness was controlling him and not like a source of power like it was for Terra

A big part of early Ryou I kept, however, was the crushing awareness of loss. One of my party members (the strongest one at the time,) had left without saying a word and I was very confused and hurt. This was around the time the ephemera plot was happening so I decided to incorporate it into Ryou’s story; having him experience losing a friend to darkness since it’s so normal for wielders in Daybreak Town to just disappear, and this would unintentionally become a theme for both me and Ryou as khux friends would just randomly disappear.

I was desperate for khux at this point and I decided to watch the fan translations for khx and GOD, god, was I obsessed. I couldn’t stop thinking about the foretellers. And I’m not going off about that here bc I already did that, but I actually started entering fandom again! I did it slowly, I started on tumblr before this blog was made altho it was me sending anons to the few khux related blogs I could have lol a friend convinced me to get twitter where I got involved with the ffxv fandom, which led me to the kh fandom and eventually the khux fandom there which is what REALLY got me going on khux.

I joined discord servers, most of the servers I’m in are khux related, and from there I joined the khux oc rp (shout out to anyone there who might be reading this lol here’s some art from the beginning of the rp,)

It’s SO FUNNY how the RP influenced me so heavily. I hadn’t RP’d in YEARS, I used to have a strict no oc rp policy, but here I was? And the funny part is, I had barely developed Ryou. I had scrapped his original story and all I had was POST WAR Ryou so I literally had to reverse write him; I had only ever written him as a depressed, guilt ridden adult, but it was a fucking blast and I have such fond memories of this rp when it was active,

But anyway, this encouraged me to get more serious about art! I started drawing, writing, cosplaying, and roleplaying when I hadn’t done any of that stuff in a very long time. The first time I ever drew a background was for a deviant art khux competition actually LOL

also! I always think extremely fondly of the drawing I did of Aced in the keyblade war. It was also one of the first backgrounds I ever drew and it felt like my real starting point in the khux fandom. It got a ton of notes on here and someone wrote a tiny fic in a reblog which just made me SO HAPPY like it really felt like people were noticing me :) I was going to draw a matching Ira but!! I just never did!! One day tho, it’s on my art bucket list to redraw this along with Ira,

Aside from my personal growth, khux was great for my social life ngl, I made SO MANY friends online and got to meet a ton of people irl over the years! It’s crazy to think about all the people I now know and talk to? It honestly makes me really emotional. I’ll never forget taking the train into NYC and meeting up with discord friends. Going to conventions and talking with people about the latest khux update? Absolutely insane and those were some GOOD TIMES, if I thanked every khux friend or even just person who made an impact on me then we’d be here for a LONG TIME,

Fun fact, for my Lauriam cosplay all I needed to buy was the wig I just owned his outfit LOL also? Probably retiring that cosplay ngl people treated me like absolute garbage when I wore him and it led to a lot of confidence issues for awhile ngl. That’s probably one of the only memorable negative experiences I have with khux; it was great when khux people recognized me but for kh fans that weren’t in khux? They were FUCKING MEAN??? fuck kh fandom at large, I only care about khux fandom,

This leads me to another huge part of my experience in khux fandom: THEORIES!! I used to write SO MANY and oh my god my brain was so full all the time. It was a huge appeal for me in the fandom; I had been previously writing theory posts in the RWBY fandom and it just migrated over to khux for me lol I had done a ton of theorizing around Lauriam tbh, it was really the only reason I liked his character at all bc initially I did not care about the dandelions, anyone who wasn’t Skuld I was like “please leave Now thanks”

A funny part of khux fandom I never intended to be apart of is the MEMES, I really only started doing memes as stress relief bc college had me so busy all I had time/energy for was these quick little shit post drawings.

The first meme I made, file name “invi despair” LOL we need to get her a girlfriend smh anyway, I think in my senior year of college I did a bunch of rapid fire memes all in one month bc the stress of finals was getting so bad afdgfhdgf as far as I know my impact on this fandom will be my memes bc all I do now is enter a kh/khux server and introduce myself and I go “yeah I draw art. here’s a meme” and everyone goes OH YOU, honestly I am nothing if not a clown

I’ve talked so much idk where I’m going with this. Khux is just a good game even if the gameplay actually kind of really sucks yknow lol but it was the first game I played where I like, REALLY got into the meta and the mechanics. I used to read so much on the mechanics and watch youtube videos on which medals were worth pulling for. I was never a whale or a top player exactly, but I could rank well if I tried lol I’ve made it to the top 100 for solo rankings, my party has made it to top 10, and in pvp I’ve made top 300. I’m not the highest level in my party but FUCK do I know how to manipulate this game LOL

And with all that hard work, the strategies, the theorizing, the content I’ve made-- it’s been my life for 5 years. I’ve logged into khux almost every single day. At the end, I have logged 1820 days in khux out of 1910 days. Kinda crazy. Crazier I’ve never spent money on khux either lol the only “money” gone into it was one time my mom gave me a google play store gift card and I used it on my birthday for a VIP xemnas medal which eventually made it to regular pulls anyway but it was nice and a little treat :)

I’m not a gacha fan, I don’t care for it, so I don’t think I’ll be touching another gacha again. But for kh? This was pretty fucking awesome, even if it sucked a lot sometimes LOL It was worth it for the people I’ve met most of all I think. I would honestly be a completely different person without khux and that’s REALLY insane to think about.

#the khux hyperfixation is REAL #but yall knew this about me #there's so much more I could say but it's 2am and this is long enough already #im rambling

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oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop · 4 years ago

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@mysteriousdbzgt: Hi oh-lali-lali-lali-lalipop! Thank you for your ask. First of all, thanks for asking this question here on my personal (and also for the follow over on t&bftw, welcome aboard! :D) I think you can probably tell from here, that I’m a huge supporter of them becoming romantically involved lol I don’t shy about that here, but I like to present a more neutral stance over on my news dedicated blog, to not influence others of my personal opinions. With regards to the new season, as much as I would be supportive of it, I unfortunately highly doubt that they would become “official” in S2 or anything in the future, but will remain extremely dedicated and attentive to one another, regardless of their constant bickering. The creators of the show are more than aware of the popularity of the “couple”, being constantly popular at doujinshi events and the continuous amounts of merchandise that they bring out, which regularly focuses on the main duo rather than all of the Heroes all the time. The fandom is primarily dominated by women, when originally the show was supposed to target men and “salarymen”, but attracted a completely different demographic that they hadn’t anticipated. I can only think that’s mainly because of the appeal of K&B. Also not helped by some of the staff’s, let’s just say, “unfiltered” thoughts when they discuss about K & B in older interviews, centering around “love” and other similar notions. I think they still want to keep this series aimed towards a male demographic, even if the results don’t line up as they expect. But highly ironically, it’s what makes the show successful, so I doubt they would want to change how they portray Kotetsu and Barnaby’s relationship. Personally I would be absolutely over the moon if they did become “official”, because they’re just perfect for one another (hehe) and it could just break so many standard conventions/boundaries on how media portrays same-sex relationships, if done appropriately, and not be labelled with any genre tags like “BL”, “yaoi” or anything similar, and still simply just be a “drama”, “superhero” tale, with the two main males eventually getting together but not make a big song and dance about it. If we want to normalise LGBT relationships within our media and what we consume, then we need to drop these tags and portray them in a healthy manner, which I think the show does well between them both. I believe that the staff have the talent to pull it off, they just need to be cautious on how they do it. Like you said, how FE is presented in the show which such great self confidence about themselves and who they are, really shows that they can write this. Also T&B’s spiritual successor show, Double Decker (who had a lot of the same staff) tackles some LGBT themes pretty well, so they could absolutely do it. But yeah, I don’t think they’ll become “official” unfortunately. But if anything, I anticipate that KxB will most likely be working even closer together in S2, so they’ll be more in tune with one another, and possibly open up even more to each other than they did before. Hopefully they’ll be over the huge feuds and split apart phase, which The Rising focused on (they’ll still bicker all the time, but that’s just how they are), so we can see just how far their relationship has come and changed for the better. Anyway this is probably way too long (sorry), but always interested to hear your thoughts too! :)

Heya! Before I start I just wanna say thank you so much for taking the time to give me such a thorough reply, it is incredibly well thought out and written! I also want to say I am so freaking sorry you had to type out my monstrosity of a name (seriously didn’t think about that when making the joke lol). Oh, and I’m equally sorry for the formatting of the reply... really had no clue how to go about it, so I just defaulted to going about it the roleplayer way haha. Anyways, for starters, I think I should say that I actually agree with you a lot. You see, logically I think it feels highly unlikely they’d make them “official” in the new season. I’m not sure if I feel like it’s unlikely because I, someone who’s in the LGBTQ community, am a pessimist (aka, I’m negative regardless of proof) who is use to companies not delivering on it/assume companies won’t deliver on it.... or if I’m genuinely, but unconsciously, picking up on Sunrise’s stance of “not gonna happen”. Despite all that I still feel stupidly hopeful about it (y’know, heart louder than the mind and all that jazz)... and I guess for the sake of the discussion I’ll break down why! lol So, I got into the fandom.... around the time of The Rising, I think, so anywhere from 2014 to 2015. I instantly fell in love with it all, but I did end up falling out of the loop for awhile (being a teenager and all that). Recently (recently being that I finished S1 on Friday, watched The Rising on Sunday, and now I’m here lol) I got back into it and.... wow, a lot of it is the same, and.... at the same time it felt like I had so much more to process. It’s still as amazing as ever, if not even more so, and just like with everything else I love with my entire being I started to analyze it and read into it (maybe a little bit too much so lol). In all honesty, KxB seriously stood out even more so than it did last time for me (I don’t know if it’s because I’m now accepting of my sexuality or what) and while it’s not actually the best part of the series to me (God, Barnaby’s arc means so much to me what with me struggling with cPTSD, but that story is best left on my RP blog) I do have to admit that the pairing is... incredibly meaningful, and beautiful. Moving for me, really. I guess the following observations, and hopeful thinking that came after it, could be deduced to me just wearing shipper goggles, but considering my habit of over analyzing and breaking things down... I do try to make predictions and opinions logically, and with that in mind it’s why I’m so stuck on the “hopeful thinking”, since a tiny bit of logical thinking is fueling it. Tiger & Bunny is about human relationships, really. For a show focusing on NEXTs... it’s really about humanity, corruption, society, relationships... and KxB all along the first season is written as an undertone, like a slow burn (which is entirely fitting, and seriously makes any relationship better), which fits because the first season is, in actuality, not focused on that (the plot being bigger than we can see and all that). In the end, having rewatched it, I also noticed how, really, the undertone is written in such a way that.... it feels like Barnaby is the one with the “crush” (or is the first one to realize it) which... kinda fits with the old statements from the crew. Kotetsu the forever oblivious one who hasn’t had an epiphany yet (although if I’m being honest, The Rising seems to have this “side-plot” feeling of Kotetsu having the epiphany when he realizes what he’s lost, which is what I meant by the flow of the series somewhat feels like it’s building towards it)... .... There’s also the whole “leaving it to interpretation thing” they said back then. Which, I have to agree with some other people that it feels like it’s just a way of saying “it’s romantic but we don’t want to take that risk”.... and that was back around 2011. It’ll have been decade since then when S2 is released, and, while a decade is just a decade, a lot has changed on a societal basis since then. Even during this decade long gap Sunrise has become more bold with their representation, whether it be Double Decker! or The Rising.... almost like they’re testing the waters... and what better way to champion representation than to make two main characters the representation? This franchise is... so human in it’s story, and the meaning doing such a thing would have for so many people... in a way, I think out ways some of the risks. I feel like the build up is there, the want is there (tbh seeing posts on tumblr of people talking about how they hope they’ll get a kiss in S2 or something “official” like that also fueled this)... it just depends on whether they’ll feel afraid or not. Which is, really, why I asked for your opinion. You do such good work at trying to bridge the gap between the Japanese fandom/Sunrise and the English speaking community (which, btw, you are amazing at, I can’t thank you enough for the work you do), and I knew you’d be more informed on Sunrise’s attitude and statements, as well as the general opinions and depositions of the Japanese fans. In the end, I can “read into” things all I want, but it won’t matter if you can’t understand the one who pulls the strings... and because of that I wanted to know your opinion. I’m so so sorry this got so long!! I’m really horrible at summarizing myself, so this turned into a major ramble.... I’m gonna wrap it up now before this turns into a novel haha. Again, thank you so much for responding to my question and for being open to discussing it, it means so much! I truly respect your opinion, since it helps me clear my own thoughts, as well as gives me a dose of reality so I don’t get my hopes up too much... I guess in the end though, a part of me is going to continue to think that they just might have the heart to do it, irregardless lol. I look forwards to seeing what you have to say about what I’ve written here!

#mysteriousdbzgt #thoughts #Tiger & Bunny #I have no clue why tumblr tried to squash your post when I copied it like Kotetsu squashes his burgers #but jesus fucking christ #also tumblr what did you do to block quotes wtf

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bbq-hawks-wings · 5 years ago

Text

BBQ gripes about fanon Hawks

Not even gonna put this in the character tags aside from the spoiler one I use just for the anime-onlies on my blog. I'm salty. I just wanna vent. I want to keep the general character tags fun because it was awful when I went looking for new content and found so much Not Fun material a while back; and I don’t want to become what I hate. Basic point - my blog, my vent, and unless it’s reblogged (which you are welcome to if you like) this post dies here.

Please know this isn't a callout post or me claiming that others are being fans of Hawks "wrong" because they disagree with me. I am a huge proponent that (with very few exceptions) fiction and fandom should be free to be enjoyed, reinterpreted, or otherwise indulged in however the individual fan prefers; and if I don't like it, I let them have their space and go do my thing elsewhere and leave them alone (hence why this not going in character tags). I just have been annoyed with the rampant mangling of Hawks' canon personality/characterization - that is, confusing common fanon interpretations of him with how he’s actually written/portrayed and then getting angry (like, actually-angry-spilling-into-publicly-dragging-real-people, not just disappointed) when he acts like canon Hawks in canon. Non-canon is open season and by and large has my blessing, it’s just frustrating when it gets dragged into discussions about the manga.

This has been going on a long time, but I just want to get it out of my system in my personal space. All this is, is my "Overthinking Tumblr blogger Shakes Fist at Cloud" moment.

#1 Hawks is a sociopath/unempathetic.

I just... I... You can't be reading the same manga I am if you genuinely come to this conclusion about who he is in canon. A man with nothing to gain by looking like this when considering the depths of the suffering inflicted on others that he bears some amount of responsibility in...

...cannot be called unempathetic.

"But he killed Twice and Best Jeanist!"

Twofold counterargument to this one, starting with BJ - we don't actually know he's dead. There's a body, there's a disappearance, and we have no idea wtf happened, but we also don't know wtf happened. It's drastically ooc for Hawks to murder someone in cold blood. For someone who places emphasis on speed specifically "because when two sides keep fighting and won’t give up, someone eventually has to die" it makes no sense for him to not have had a plan and simply ambush a man in his own home - this goes doubly since he was in contact with the HSPC and had time to "premeditate" anyway.

And as for Twice: Hawks ran out of options. He wanted to detain Twice and keep him from escaping and helping the MLA. He was able to do so when alone, but the moment Dabi cornered him Hawks had a choice to make - probably die in the fight and let Jin go or make absolute certain he can’t and still probably end up dying because he's in bad shape and still probably won't make it out of this, regardless. I don't need to harp on this - it's been said a couple different times now by several people. Even in 266 when Dabi initially ambushes Hawks, Hawks thinks to himself that he’ll carry Jin out of the building to keep himself and Jin safe before Twice retaliated and Dabi literally forces Hawks into a corner.

Jin's loss was a blow, but the chips on the table being wagered are human lives, not feelings. Up until that point, Hawks did everything he could despite the weight of his decision. Human life is human life, and Jin’s life isn’t more important than the may more who will be saved by quashing the MLA’s revolution. Simply equating “could kill someone” with “unempathetic” is fundamentally flawed, and mistaking someone who is pushed to kill despite every attempt to avoid it as unempathetic and even sociopathic has missed the point to the extreme - the mere fact he avoided lethal force for so long alone proves he possesses empathy.

#2 Hawks is a compulsive liar.

He is a good liar, but he does not like lying. He does twist the truth, but always when forced to keep a secret. Even then, his lies are predominantly spun from truth and omitted details instead of outright fabrications. He doesn’t gaslight, and he doesn’t make up stories/details if he can help it.

When Hawks told Endeavor his dreams for the future, that was the truth. When he told him he thought he was cool at the hero billboards, that was the truth. When he tells Tokoyami to focus on his strengths instead of merely covering his weaknesses to be a better hero, that was the truth. When Tokoyami asks Hawks for his weakness and even why he took him on as an intern in the beginning just to ignore him, he tells him the truth. When he tells Jin he "doesn't belong in a cage" and that he considers him a good person, that was the truth. When he recognizes he’s profoundly wounded Jin for deceiving him for months, he tells Jin the truth. When confronted by Dabi and he doesn’t need to lie anymore in this fight to the death, he tells him the truth despite not actually needing to in hopes to learn the truth behind Dabi and Shigaraki.

I don't have a better segue, so I'll just mention that a lot of folks who believe this also believe the next point.

#3 Hawks is unapologetically emotionally manipulative.

The context makes a huge difference and we need to look at when and why he manipulates others as well as the fact that he does.

At the hero billboards, Hawks plays the heroes on stage as well as the crowd. He's trying to shift the mindset of, "oh yeah, just another hero ranking" to "wake up, mf's, things are changing and you better be ready to change, too!" Rocking the boat is a huge no-no in Japan. Despite being part of his “persona” there is still real social risk involved with this move but one that he deems necessary to turn heads and get gears turning. This is not just an elaborate ploy to get under Endeavor’s skin, but an effort to reach a wider audience while he has them captive.

He does use the public crowd around him and Endeavor before the Hood fight as an excuse for its appearance, but the original intent was to mentally prepare Endeavor for what was potentially (and proved to be) the fight of his life without outright telling him so he could maintain his undercover status. When he realizes he’s part of the reason for Endeavor’s permanent scar and life-threatening injuries, he feels remorse.

He lies to Jin to get information out of him, but linking back to #2, when calls Jin a good person and offers him a way out, he’s telling the truth. He does feel guilt for having to manipulate an otherwise well-meaning person and betraying them, especially given his long-running history of being used and the ongoing issues he suffers from because of it.

When he meets up again with Endeavor to drop his clues about the League’s movements, he squirms when he realizes the interns don’t know him well enough to know he’s blowing smoke because he does NOT want these kids to actually buy what he’s selling. This espionage mission is hard to navigate, and he has to tread carefully lest he setup the dominoes in the wrong places.

This is all to make the point that Hawks is more than capable of emotionally manipulating people, but it’s not in his nature or something he does to any and every person he comes across just because. We haven’t had much opportunity to see him operate outside of the HSPC’s orders which is where the bulk of the instances of his manipulation comes from - those orders requiring him to operate covertly and thus, by nature, necessitate lying, manipulation, and strategically withholding information.

If anything, when he’s making an appeal to someone else as his own person - not as a hero on a mission- we actually see a level of vulnerability and transparency we don’t otherwise catch.

Though it’s technically canon-adjacent and not necessarily canon in and of itself, in My Hero Academia: Team Up Mission where he works with Bakugo and Midoriya he operates on a level of transparency with them we’re not used to seeing; and my theory is he took it as an opportunity to operate without ulterior motives and build report instead of bucking back against “training up the next generation of heroes” like he initially did with Tokoyami.

Which now actually segues better into the next point.

#4 Hawks never lets people get close to him.

There’s a surprising amount of evidence that Hawks wants the ability to be an open book. Back at Team Up Mission, the restaurant staff note he regularly takes people he likes to their establishment - so we’re basically told outright this is a special place to him reserved for enjoying himself and only people he likes get to share it with him - so we already know what that says about how he sees those two despite their sparse interactions. We already know he’s taken Endeavor there when Endeavor made no move to input as to where he wanted to have the lunch meeting.

Though he kept Tokoyami at arm’s length initially, we have at least three canon instances of him sharing personal interactions with him with other canon-adjacent indications he cares for and values his intern. We’ve readily established that while Endeavor may not consider himself close to Hawks, Hawks does hold Endeavor as near and dear to his heart. While his only mission regarding Twice was to get information out of him, he still made a genuine effort to help and save him because he wanted to and considered him a friend despite the circumstances.

We still don’t know very much of Hawk’s past, his personal relationships outside of work, etc.; but despite the HPSC’s extensive efforts to strip him of his identity he not only possesses a faceted, complicated personality but seems to want to share that with others readily when and in the ways he’s able. Getting into the truly squishy, vulnerable parts of him may take a while, but on a scale of closed to open, he seems to lean towards open.

#5 Hawks is hopelessly in love with Dabi and will abandon everything up to this point for him.

This isn't to throw general DabiHawks shippers under the bus. Most of them know VERY well at this point that canon has sunk that ship, and they're just having fun with it at this point - and you know what, power to you! They look great together! In another life, the character chemistry could have been incredible. There’s a lot of great DabiHawks shipping content I thoroughly enjoy despite not shipping it myself.

It just isn't canon. It never was and never came close. Even now, with the Endeavor reveal being very much imminent, Hawks' view of Dabi is one of a lying, malicious, callous, murderer. Though he’ll likely be crushed at the revelation of what Endeavor’s done, that doesn’t equate to him defecting (especially not immediately) and falling into Dabi’s arms.

And Dabi hates Hawks just as much.

Again, this is not anything against the ship or the shippers - just an annoyance I have with some who were so wrapped up in the ship they were genuinely mad when the ship sank and they dragged that frustration out into the real world against real people when canon didn’t align with fanon.

Ships are some of the most stupid things to rail against creators and fans over, and the amount of harassment they receive now over shipping has me ripping my hair out when I know it’s a mere fraction of the total pool of shippers who are frothing at the mouth while the rest are super cool and happy doing their own thing and keeping to themselves.

Ship what you want, regardless of “validating evidence” and have fun. Don’t make it others’ problem when it isn’t canonically validated.

#6 Hawks is a dirty cop.

Only half upset with this one because it comes down to the nuance and lack of precise definition of this phrase I have a problem with. Lots of people hate cops for very real, legitimate reasons. Police forces - being a voluntary, government-employed force enforcing government rule - are notoriously prone to corruption of every kind.

It's implied the HPSC is itself corrupt, though to what extent we don't know. (Granted, buying a young child from his family to raise as your personal puppet is pretty high up there.) By continuing to follow orders from the HPSC and not vehemently fighting back, many see him as reinforcing a corrupt institution and at least partially liable for their continued hold on society.

Fair enough, but... The issue I have with this is it reduces Hawks to his job.

I believe a huge chunk of this take comes from my experience as an armed service member spouse, but it's easy for me to empathize with a guy

Who was promised the moon for himself and his family in exchange for his service not realizing what was actually being asked of him

Is praised outside the organization for "being a hero" and "upholding this country's core values" while first-hand witnessing the corruption of it when inside

Is viewed as a cog valuable only in services rendered instead of being treated like a human by said organization and worked into the ground because of it

Is frustrated by the insistence to keep the status quo instead of improving procedure/infrastructure/environment because egos need to be padded over real, human problems being solved

Has his autonomy or otherwise ability to operate under his own judgement restricted in favor of maintaining organizational control at the cost of effective action

Has DEPENDENTS who rely on his continued work to provide for them and is thus unable to refuse an order, even when it's morally reprehensible and even outright illegal

Whose cries, both those calculated and desperate, to the organization (who have placed themselves as the sole resource he can turn to) for help (even for his own body/mind) fall on deaf ears until he breaks to the point of becoming unusable or dangerous - and even then minimal effort/responsibility is taken in favor of keeping him functioning in the organization as long as possible.

Hawks fights back against the HPSC constantly. He raised concerns over letting civilians suffer to get him in with the League of Villains and then still defied orders by reducing casualties to zero. Despite orders to keep his mission top secret, he's informed Endeavor of his motives/movements independently from the rest of the heroes. He had long refused to take an intern (read: fresh meat for the machine) to train until this year, and even then sought to minimize his encouragement of Tokoyami for as long as possible until he realized Tokoyami was made of the real mettle people needed in a hero and not just another youngster endangering himself on a pipe dream.

He even takes initiative to keep his personal to-do list from the HPSC to a minimum by squashing problems before they come knocking asking him to fix it for them. He knew of the League of Villains and anticipated the escalation of their movements immediately after the USJ incident as well as has a network of informants and connections with local police forces to stay in the know.

His methods for apprehension of criminals are, and continue to be, to react and detain them so quickly they can't retaliate or endanger others in the struggle, thus minimizing human loss and injury despite the insinuation the HPSC has told him that gloves are off in the current situation.

He might be "a cop" depending on the definition we go with, but he isn't a dirty cop. He doesn't plant evidence. He doesn't shoot first and ask questions later. He doesn't blindly take orders. He largely doesn't see "villains" as dirt under his shoe but as people pushed to extremes. He's a morally convicted individual trying to rebel within the system instead of tearing it down outright. He may be wrong in the assumption, but he genuinely believes he can do more on the inside of the system than outside.

#7 Hawks is a manwhore.

Ok, this one is not serious and actually just to end this all on a lighter note after ranting until I'm blue in the face.

I'm 100% guilty of this myself. Something about that chicken makes me and many others salivate - either for themselves or to watch him with someone else. We love dressing him up slutty, portray him as flirting unashamedly, and placing him in as many overtly sexual scenarios possible.

The best part about all of it, though, is that it’s almost the exact opposite of how he dresses/conducts himself in canon. His clothes are loose fitting and high-coverage. He’s personable, but never gives any indication he’s romantically/sexually involved or interested in anyone. The asscourse is real only because we cannot confirm either way due to his baggy clothes. His overall figure/body shape has been hinted at, but only recently confirmed; and his jacket had to be literally be burned off to get a good look at the pattern of his shirt under it!

~~~~~~~

And with that, I release the frustration and move on.

Enjoy fanon as much as you like - even I do! Just be aware of where canon and fanon diverge, and definitely don’t take the difference out on real people. Please also be aware of how others hold their favorite characters dear before flooding the general tags with negativity and creating a hostile environment for them. People latch onto their “comfort characters” for a plethora of reasons, and when they lose that character to the plot, the fandom, or otherwise, they should still be allowed to grieve and celebrate what they had in a safe environment.

Retaliation in response to others coming against your favorite is also not acceptable behavior. It sucks, but the most mature thing to do is step away from the general fandom, stick to blogs/spaces you know are safe, and let the storm blow over. Comfort characters do not justify mistreating real people no matter how much they may mean to you.

When “canon gets it wrong” is where fanfiction and pockets of the fandom community comes into play. Leave those people alone and let them be. For those who aligned themselves with canon, they are not free game to take personal frustrations out on. Leave those people alone and let them be. Unfollow the people/tags you need to for your own sake and others’, and the fandom will be a better place all around over time. Venting belongs in controlled spaces away from the rest of the fandom and with enough warning for those who not only don’t want to endure it but who for their own safety shouldn’t.

Fandom is a community, and healthy communities do not endorse members lashing out when they don’t get their way.

#spoiler!hawks #let's talk hawks

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maxparkhurst · 4 years ago

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How did you create your characters? What was your process?

TMI Tuesday: How did you create your characters? What was your process?

// <offers out a chair> You’re going to want to sit for this. It’s going to be a LONG story. For those who’re looking for a short answer: I’m actually in the middle of creating these two. Edits and tweaks are always being made to make them appear real and true. And it’s thanks to everyone on here and in-game that they’ve progressed so much.

Now for the long version.

Evolving as an Author:

Maxinora and Augustine Parkhurst are a culmination of ideas inspired by a myriad of things. The process of creating them isn’t linear. It has a lot of pit falls, unexpected twists and turns, and a ton of hills. To understand how we got the current versions of these two, we need to go back a couple years ago.

It’s the summer of 2012. In efforts to get me off of his account, my Dad gifted me my own. This was when I made my first ever serious roleplay character- a hunter named Evelon Holmwood. Well, at the time I spelled it like Evavllyn but...Yeah. We’re going to gloss over that fact. Now, Eve was my pride and joy for the last several years. I played this character nonstop, refusing to play or write about anyone else. In retrospect, I used this character more as therapy than anything of creative merit.

Eve’s story was basic at best. But I got better with story-telling the older I got. Unfortunately, her story got so convoluted that I had hard time salvaging anything from it. Now, you’re probably asking: How does this relate to Max? Fear not. I’m getting there. It was around this existential crisis that a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I convinced us to leave WoW and hop on SWTOR. My boyfriend was more than eager to make the switch but I was skeptical. Leaving WoW meant leaving Eve. And was I ready for that?

He assured me I was and helped me make a character on SWTOR. This was the first iteration of Max. A bounty hunter from Nar’Shadda named Maxinora Fenrik. My intentions was to make her a lowkey copy of Eve. At this time, I wasn’t very confident in my writing abilities and liked to stay in my lane. But, the more I roleplayed this character the more she took on a life of her own. She evolved past Eve and exceeded my expectations. Playing a new character bolstered my confidence and while I no longer play SWTOR -due to OOC reasons- I still have fond memories with this character. I enjoyed this character so much that I reused several components of her design when making Max. Some which include her name and being blind in one eye.

I flipped between the MMOs when Legion dropped. Expenses started to pile up and between the two subscriptions I didn’t have the time to play both. In the end, WoW won my affection and I made a Blood Elf because I had friends on Horde Side. Rorien Hawkthorne was her name. A drunk artist and master assassin. She’d be the second iteration of Max. She had an older sister complex, an affinity for being melancholy, and it was my first experience with playing a character who could kept secrets- or tried to at least. Another new character under the belt and I was feeling a little more confident in my story telling abilities. I’d probably would’ve kept playing that character if not for OOC drama happening in a guild I was in. The fallout had me jump back to the Alliance where I indulged in creature comforts. It was back to Eve.

Tumblr made an entrance in my life around then as I ventured forth with a refreshed look on my hunter. I salvaged what I could and made a half-decent story. A lot of her misadventures are still posted up on her blog @evelonholmwood On the side I made the third iteration of Max. A fire mage and blacksmith combo by the name of Rowan Celwick with her younger brother Thomas Celwick. They were just two orphaned kids trying to make a life in Stormwind. Rowan was an arcane drop-out and blacksmith wannabe and Thomas...Was...Well? Thomas? A glorified side-piece? A way to garner pity for Rowan. I didn’t place a lot of emphasis on them or their characters. My main focus was Eve. But these two would be the underlying foundation of Max and Auggie’s characters.

I eventually took a hiatus from WoW and focused on more personal writing. The details are boring so I’ll gloss over it by saying that creating a character completely from scratch was the final push in the right direction for me. Fast forward several months to a year aaaaaand BOOM! Pandemic.

Writing is an escape for me. It’s one of my best coping mechanisms during trying times. And when nothing else works, I over indulge in some Warcraft. So, I resubbed. There was hesitance when re-entering the RP scene. I didn’t leave Eve’s story off on an convenient note. For lack of better phrasing, I wrote myself into a hole I couldn’t get out of. So, with the help of my boyfriend, I decided it was time to give Eve her happy ending and shelf her for good.

Which put me in a dilemma! Who was I going to RP? Well, you remember the Celwicks? They became my newest project.

The Creative Process:

I knew the Celwick story was weak and read much like a middle-school fanfiction. Revising was a must. But there were integral pieces to their story which I enjoyed:

Familial Sacrifice

Juxtaposing concepts

Intertwined Fates

These were themes I could work with and evolve. Keeping these in mind, I started to deconstruct the Celwick story line. They were no longer Gilnean but Kul’tiran. This prompted a name change from Celwick to Parkhurst. And I won’t lie, I like the sound of Parkhurst better than Celwick. Thomas became Augustine and Rowan became Maxinora (Mainly because I actually HAD the name Maxinora and not Rowan). The little changes got me hyped for the characters.

Next, I started to trim away the unnecessary details that bogged down the narrative. Things that either didn’t fit or made the timeline too convoluted were replaced. Pyromancy was a great example. The age I wanted Max to be wouldn’t yield to her understanding of Pyromancy. At least, not to the level I WANTED it to be. SO, I turned it into lament’s magic. Alchemy. (I also always wanted to play an alchemist since watching FMA)

A girl with two professions seemed excessive as well. I had to look at why I wanted her to be both an Alchemist and a Blacksmith. The answer was simple. I just liked the juxtaposition of an intelligent woman being rough and tumble. Which made me ask: Was Blacksmithing necessary to achieve that imagine? The answer was no. To pay respect to her previous iteration, I made their parents blacksmiths. It also let me keep themes of fire in her concept. The change in profession brought on a change in her appearance. I made her a little more slender to fit with the alchemist appeal.

Max’s aesthetic was brought on by my previous characters. Rorien inspired more internal facets of Max while Fenrik inspired outward appearances. Max’s auburn was strictly a decision made on the fact that I had one too many character’s with black hair. There wasn’t any other reason for it.

Designing Max was easy. The real challenge was with Augustine. Up until that point, all I had to go on for his character was Tommy Celwick and...Well. There wasn’t a lot there. He wasn’t much more than a poorly used trope and I considered doing away with him all together. But I realized that I REALLY liked the trope and I liked what he did for Max’s character. So, I buckled down and made myself think through all the reasons why Thomas Celwick -AKA Augustine Parkhust- needed to exist.

I decided that I needed him in order to present themes in Max’s story. He was the foil to her character. Cynic older sister? Meet optimistic brother. He also appealed to not only the three themes listed above, but also the newest one I wanted to explore: two sides of the same coin. Max and Augustine are simultaneously the same, having similar traumas, and yet different. If for nothing else, Augustine could help propel Max in the right direction. Be her moral compass, you know? With a bit of half-assing here and there, I managed to get a decent character out of Augustine. Took the cliche nerdy brother idea, physical design and all, and ran with it. Shortly after I made their Tumblr account. In no way did I expect this BOY to take on a life of his own. Like, Auggie knocked on my brain’s door and was like, “Yeah. No. I’m not a side character. Give me my own story...”

Which will bring me into my final point!

The Characters Write Their Own Story:

I’ve never been able to sit down and plan a story. My mind doesn’t work in such a structured fashion. It wanders and explores. When I’m creating, I’m watching. Watching the scenes play out before my eyes as these characters take what I’ve given them and grow into something almost independent of me. The basic pieces of Max and Auggie’s back story, along with character design, were purposeful. Yes. But everything that came after was THEM.

It’s cliche, I know, but I can’t describe this experience any other way. These two grew outside of my influence and now dominate a space in my brain. They talk, work, and interact without me. I mean...Not REALLY. But...It feels like that. It feels I’m watching through a keyhole and just recording what I see as their story plays out.

I guess a better analogy is me being the director. I’m watching the movie in the stands as two actors improv. On good days, I’m in control and rework scenes until I’m satisfied with the results. Try this. Move here. Say this. On bad days, I don’t see anything. My actors went home. The lights are off. Show’s cancelled for the day. These days make me sad...But they’re worth it because on the BEST days...The best days Max and Auggie run the whole show, and I am watching through the keyhole as their story unfolds little by little.

It’s truly magical.

The last part of their creation was the voice. Character voice, for me, is like building muscle. You need to work out. Start small and work your way up in weight. Every little piece I wrote made their voices stronger; and that’s including asks and threads. Interacting with other characters helped to flesh them out as people. And while it was hard and intimidating at first, it’s started to become easier.

Wrap-Up

My method is messy and untrained. I don’t claim to have any secrets. My knowledge of writing is mediocre at best. But I’m having fun. And that’s were the real magic of any character comes in. Fun. Because if you aren’t writing about something that sparks your soul- either with love, happiness, hatred, etc- then it’s nothing more than a forced, hollow husk. Writing is meant to evoke emotion. At least in mind. And want to express complex emotions and share them. In a perfect world? My characters -any of my characters- resonates with someone. They become the escape someone needed. That’s the ultimate goal.

It’s thanks to all of you that Max and Auggie have come this far. It’s from their interactions with others that they’ve managed to evolve into something incredible- especially Augustine. He just kept shining brighter and brighter until I felt obligated to make him an in-game character. So, you all are just as much a part in the creative process as me. Thank you!

And a special thanks to my boyfriend for always being a sound board for my rambling ass <3

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK, ANON! Sorry I posted an essay...<3

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kashimalin-fanfiction · 4 years ago

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First Time For His Favorite (Jonah Clemence/Lancelot Kingsley)

Summary: Jonah’s always been once for sweet things, so a lemon cake has never seemed appealing. But because it’s Lancelot’s favorite, he’s determined to try it.

Pairing: Jonah Clemence/Lancelot Kingsley

Count: 506 words

Rating: General

Warnings: None.

Tagging: @jonalotweek, as it’s finally time and I’m happy to celebrate them! This is Day 1 – Firsts!

• Requests are Closed, but Commissions are Open! • [Please click on my blog to view my masterlist and other works – Tumblr doesn’t like when I put links in a post!] •

Lancelot glanced up as the door opened, his pen coming to a stop as Jonah pushed a tea cart laden with a full tea set and slice of lemon cake into the office.

“Jonah? What are you doing here?”

“Since it’s teatime, my King, I thought it might be best for you to take a break.” He wheeled the cart around to the side of the desk, smiling brightly. “If a maid had brought it for you, she would have merely dropped it off and left you to your work! You would have worked right through teatime.”

He could not find the words to deny Jonah’s claim. Pushing back from the desk, he cleared some papers to make room for the two teacups Jonah had in hand, watching as he poured tea into both cups, added a liberal amount of sugar to his own, then lifted the small plate of lemon cake into the air.

“I wonder…” Jonah pondered it for a moment, the fork waving absently in his other hand as he stole a glance at Lancelot’s lips. “King Lancelot, would you mind—!”

Lancelot seized the plate from Jonah before he could finish his thought, smiling playfully. “Jonah, have you ever had lemon cake before?”

“Well…” He trailed off, passing the fork to Lancelot before crossing his arms. “I considered trying it a long time ago at one of my family’s parties, but I was told it would be too sour. While I understand it’s not ‘sour’ like an actual lemon, part of me still hesitates whenever I have the opportunity to try it.”

“Then I’ll feed it to you.”

“But, King Lancelot!”

“Try it.” He held up a bite, putting it enticingly close to Jonah’s lips. “It would make me happy.”

Eyeing the cake one last time, Jonah opened his lips and took the bite into his mouth. A tart, pleasant taste spread across his tongue and his eyes lit up with surprise.

“The lemon’s in the buttercream too, isn’t it? Not just the cake.”

Lancelot nodded, taking his own bigger bite of cake. “It makes it taste better, doesn’t it? I much prefer lemon cake to lemonade or anything like that, because of it’s taste.”

Jonah smiled gently as he watched Lancelot enjoy his cake and tea, relieved that he was taking a break. As the fork scraped against the plate to find the last of the crumbs, Jonah pressed a kiss to Lancelot’s forehead before topping up his teacup. “Let me know if you need anything else, King Lancelot.”

“All I want from you now is for you to wait for me this evening.” Lancelot placed his plate aside, reaching to take Jonah’s hand. “I would like to share dinner together.”

“Well, then you best finish up your work! I’ll leave you to it!” With a blush on his cheeks and a giddy smile on his face – neither one missed by Lancelot – Jonah left with the tea cart, all too eager to finish up his own work in time for dinner.

#jonalot #jonalotweek #jonah clemence #lancelot kingsley #ikemen revolution #cybird otome

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whumpinparis · 4 years ago

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Whump + H/C Taglist:

I'm finally working on a taglist for my whump WIPs on Tumblr! Summaries are located below or in THIS SurveyMonkey link.

To be added to any taglist, either DM me on here or Discord (savanne#1168) or fill in the survey in the previous paragraph!

If you want to read any content from specific WIPs before adding yourself, there’s already some content for most of them up on my blog!

— — —

Lost in London:

OCs: Kay Edwards, Ferris Michael, London Friar, Isaac Alcartez, Halden Gallows-Gerwig, Chloe Levesque, Cody AuClair, Vilde Larson

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Romance

Plot: Lost in London follows Kay, who got tangled up in his fiancé’s wrongdoings at age seventeen. After making a deal he doesn’t remember, he ends up near the France-Luxembourg border and meets London. London is in law school and aiming to qualify as a lawyer while he helps Kay get his life back on track and gets much more involved than he initially planned. Even years later, London is helping Kay navigate his life when his fiancé shows up and threatens everything they built for themselves in his absence.

ORNATE:

OCs: Elliot/Zander Pierce, Lennox Silver, Chase Nicholls, Alistair Malcolm, Reid Langdon, Eve Knight, Brooke Rose

Genre: Whump, Romance, Crime

Plot: After heading up a taskforce to catch a suspected human trafficker, Detective Reid Langdon is forced to seduce Alistair Malcolm to have any chance at getting a confession. Things go sour as Langdon is reeled further into Alistair’s game with the chance of escaping dwindling daily. ORNATE follows Langdon’s ever-evolving relationship with Alistair and his slow realisation that he’s turned into the very person he hates the most.

Dead Weight:

OCs: Cameron/Devin/Eden/Phoenix Hawthorne, Sterling Lauderdale, Stella Whitaker, Christian Delancey, Pierce Lawson, Nadine Hughes

Genre: Whump, Psychological Thriller

Plot: Cameron is your typical rich kid runaway. After becoming desperate for cash, he gets involved in an underground fighting ring. For almost two years, there were no issues. Then, the club was taken over by new management. After being coerced into signing his life away, Cameron is left completely at the disposal of his new handler. His life spirals out of his own control, the commands he follows becoming more twisted and sadistic with each passing day.

Masochist’s Lullaby:

OCs: Cherri, Riley, Yves

Genre: Angst, Whump, Romance, Thriller, NSFW

Plot: Cherri stumbled across the world of online camming just three months ago. It was calm vanilla at first — fascinating to watch men and women alike. The further down the rabbit hole Cherri went, the more excitement this online world seemed to be hiding. The more risk — more appeal. He told himself that he’d try it. A week, no more. His taste of these so-called live-streams only grew. The insatiable masochism was discovered shortly after, with Cherri dragging himself further and further into his online lifestyle.

Volucris:

OCs: Avery Henderson, LindsayDeMartino, Nia, Aisha Stewart

Genre: Whump, Thriller, Vague Sci-Fi

Plot: Avery sees himself as a saint — doing everything he can to help others. Participating in scientific research studies is perfect for that. Until he meets Dr. Lindsay DeMartino, an eager researcher who wants Avery on board for her newest project. Despite declining, Avery is forced into participation, ending up as Lindsay’s lab rat. A human pincushion. Lindsay’s most prominent experiment? Feathered wings grafted onto Avery’s back. Avery is the perfect guinea pig — eager to help Lindsay with her research. Right up until she finds someone more suited for further research and Avery is no longer needed.

Bloody Valentine:

OCs: Paris Matthews, Austin McKinley

Genre: Whump, Vampire Romance

Plot: Austin works alone, selling his services as a deep web hitman while continuing to cover his vampiric life on the side. He offers a cheap and discrete service based in the United States. It’s an ideal setup until a close call with DNA evidence leaves him in need of a new food source. Paris is the ideal target — a junkie who has long since gone off of the rails. Entitled rich kid living off his college trust fund. Unmissable. Austin takes an immediate liking to Paris, entwining him in a friendship before luring him out of town. He forced Paris to stay in an abandoned prison morgue as he forces sobriety onto his victim.

I’m so sorry this post is so long but I couldn’t add a cut on this one because Tumblr kept eating it

#whump #whump community #whump blog #my ocs #whumpee #angst #emotional whump #h/c #emotional h/c #whump writer #taglist

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dalekofchaos · 5 years ago

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Why I began to ship Reylo again

For my followers in the past two years it may have come as a huge surprise I started posting Reylo after I renounced it in November of 2018. This post will explain why.

I've shipped Reylo since 2015-2018 and had a 2 year phase of hating it, those reasons are because one of my former best friends at the time told me Kylo reminded her of her ex in a bad way and I felt ashamed for shipping it and the big blogs on tumblr and my mutuals just made me feel awful for shipping it.

But last month a friend who was also against it started shipping it and told me her reasons and I was reminded why I loved it in the first place and began to ship Reylo again.

My tumblr friend's reasons are this "I was having a chat with a mate over my concerns, and she said she'd never really seen it as him being the violent abusive one, what she saw was a young man struggling against being pulled into a cult, and the more I rewatched, the more I could see her side of things. That he seems so conflicted from the start, that he is fighting the same type of cultist brainwashing as a lot of youths with terrorist regimes like the KKK, and DAESH, and the like." this helped me understand the pairing more and honestly just helped me like it again.

And to anyone in the Reylo fandom who I’ve hurt, including my former friends and mutuals or any of my current friends/mutuals and friends who stuck by me despite my opinions. I am sorry. I am sorry for any hurt feelings or burning bridges with any of you. I was awful to the fandom in the past two years and I recognize my past behavior was uncalled for and rude. However influenced, or pressured I was by mutuals, tumblr in general or IRL friends in the past does not excuse how I acted. So I am sorry.

Honestly? I am happier feeling free to ship it without worrying of alienating anyone close to me and just letting go the hate. Live and let ship.

Also I'd be hella hypocritical for not liking Reylo but also shipping Dramione, Drarry, Caulscott, Jarley, Helsa, Fuffy, Villaneve, Sasusaku/Sasukarin and Zutara :p

But to be clear. I ship Reylo but can still be critical of the Sequel Trilogy. I can still hate that Finn wasn’t used to his full potential, I can still hate that Rose was sidelined after they gave into the racist hate that was directed to Loan Tran, I can hate that we were denied Finnpoe or Finnrose and hate that the legacy characters were butchered and broken down and used as stepping stones to build Rey up and I still hate that Anakin’s legacy was ruined and a Palpatine stole the Skywalker’s legacy with every single one of them dead.

On the subject of Ben Solo’s redemption. I don’t believe we can call it redemption by simply having Ben saving Rey’s life and dying shortly after. No, post Exegol(why didn’t you use Korriban/Moraband???), I believe the only path is for Ben to earn his redemption. Ben makes amends to Chewie, Finn and Poe and leaves with Rey. And honestly I would have Ben take Leia’s Lightsaber, while Finn takes Anakin’s. He was revealed to be force sensitive, so why not? Anyway continuing. Ben decides he has to make things right. So he says farewell to Rey, but Rey believes they should do it together and Ben agrees and they leave in the Falcon to fly to every known outposts of The First Order. To destroy what's left and free everyone from their grasp. To right his wrongs and make things right. Only after finishing off The First Order as a means of atonement and help the galaxy one person at a time as a means to right his wrongs, do I think he truly earns his redemption with Rey at his side!

As for how I see their ending. After truly earning his redemption, I believe that Rey and Ben would get married on Naboo, have their honeymoon on Chandrilla, then setting down on Mortis to reform the Prime Jedi and balance the Force while raising their family. Basically Rey and Ben would either gain a peaceful life on Naboo or build a New Order where both sides of the force can come together in order to achieve balance, where they can love freely and use their passions and compassion for the good of the force without suppressing their emotions and I think the best place for this new Order to take place would be on Mortis.

Character wise I just love them together.

I came to love Reylo because I am drawn to villain/hero relationships. It appeals to me simply because of the force are drawing the beacons of the light and dark sides together. Two lonely people coming together and never being alone again is beautiful. I feel like the two realizing both extremes are unnecessary and would bring balance to the force together(without invalidating Anakin's legacy lolihatejjabrams)

Kylo is fascinated with Rey and sees a kindred spirit. Rey is the first and only person to see past the darkness within him to the person he really is. They are the personification of the Dark and Light side of the Force. They balance each other and the Force.

credit to @ravenheartwolf for this addition

Both characters feel their belonging together. And just killing one off and making the other feel alone is....bad writing. Just like writing off Rose and not giving Finn any love interest and giving Poe the “he’s totally not gay and he’s a total racial stereotype”(I fucking hate JJ Abrams and Chris Terrio”)

Rey and Ben are two lonely people who share numerous traits and experiences that make them understand each other and have compassion for each other. They both have vast powers that are isolating and difficult to handle. No one else in their lives truly understand them for who they are and who they can be. So they are truly each others soulmates, but placed into unfortunate circumstances where they are on opposite sides of a galactic war, and each believes they are on the right side, and that the other will join their side if only they could convince them of the “reasons”. In any other circumstances these two lonely, essentially same souls would have come together no questions asked. But it’s an epic “the stars not lining up” circumstance that separates them. I love how compelling this story is, of two people struggling against circumstances, obstacles and destiny beyond their control, to come together. They also bring out the light in each other and they are truly their authentic self when around each other. I like that they have seen each other at their worst and they are not afraid of that. It’s a very transforming, redemptive love.

Credit to @lmnpst for this suggestion

That's why I love and ship Reylo.

#Reylo #Pro Reylo #Reyben #Kylo Ren #Ben Solo #Rey

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tzalmavet · 5 years ago

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Just for curiosity's sake, what are your ships? They must be very cool to earn enthusiasm from you.

Ohhh nothing too cool! I’m a Casual when it comes to shipping and am mostly into rarepairs and less-common ships! I never really post shippy stuff here because I dunno… sometimes it’s bothered me in the past when I went to an artist’s tumblr and 90% of their posts are art/talk of a ship I’m not into? Not so much anymore but I’m still p hush about my ships out of habit. I don’t wanna start any arguments either even though I don’t ship anything bad! It’s Complicated.I always tell myself I can enjoy any ship so long as it’s 1: not Gross™, and 2: is written in a way that manages to appeal it to me. Which leaves me with an array of options that is both very broad and very narrow! I like to be impressed by an unlikely couple.

My main Moomins ship atm is Groke/Too-ticky (groketicky?). They’re my two favorite female characters in the franchise, they both have a winter theme, and Too-ticky is the first person in the series who’s shown to not hate the Groke. It’s more complex than I’m making it sound…!

Snufmoom is an okay ship, one I’m more “casual” about, but I can’t get into most content for it because of the constant disrespect for Snufkin’s need for solitude. Sorry!! It just feels OOC to me!! Also imo it’s basically canon and it’s EVERYWHERE in the fandom so I feel less need to talk or think about it.

Thingumy/Bob is super cute (but I’d still say I’m casual on it) but there’s zero content for it, which is weird since they’re canon? I once had a dream where they had a third partner who looked like another of them except wearing all yellow.

There aren’t a lot of other ships I think too much on in this fandom, not that there are a lot to see ppl exploring the possibilities… I don’t believe in what I call “OTP culture”, where people seem to think you can only ship a character in one pairing at a time (ex: thinking that you shouldn’t ship mymbleticky and groketicky at once because you already have Mymble’s daughter paired off. This is what AUs are for!). I go around occasionally seeing shippy art on people’s blogs, mostly thinking either “Aw, that’s sweet. Why not?” or “Eh, not for me. At least not that way. You do you”.Shipping is never my first priority in a fandom, it’s mostly something I occasionally like to enjoy on the side.

#talking abt moomins ships only here b/c it's my current fandom ya know #I'd get more into what I like in a ship but then I'd be rambling or somethin... i may have said too much already :eyes:#moomins #answers #anonymous ask

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euphoriacrossing · 5 years ago

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So while I sit here trying to get normal balloon spawns...

I may as well write a blog. I am using a guide post on how to catch normal balloon spawns to try and get more cherry blossom recipes. Well I am only half using it.. I am camping on the beach waiting for normal balloon spawns instead of going there every 0/5 ending minute. I'll share the guide on here after this if I remember, but I already got one new cherry blossom recipe just by camping on the side of the beach that balloon spawns are coming from and ignoring the bunny day balloons, so I think this could work, too.

Anyway, now story mode is over, but I still have so, so much to do that it's not even funny. I am making it my main priority to save miles up to buy all the different paths and stuff. I think I have three left to buy so roughly 6,000 miles to earn. But saving miles means making less bells as Nook mile trips are where I made the most, I think. And now I can't take them because I have no miles/am saving miles and so I don't have the bells to pay off my house or to build a new bridge or any of the things I am saving for. But in part the fact it is harder to save bells just makes it feel like I have more to do and that is comforting in a way. I want the appeal of this game to last forever but I know my brain doesn't work like that. Still for now it's the best distraction I have and I'm grateful for it.

Having the ability to make paths is tough because it's just another million decisions to make and hope I get it right or can redo it better or whatever, so that Euphoria becomes the island I dreamed it could be. Right now I have a lot of dirt paths and I think they look okay. But I plan on redoing them someday with either custom paths or maybe just the arched tile ones... I like that path style. Still I started when I just had dirt so I just kind of kept going that way.

It looks alright, I think, especially at the entrance. I haven't finished a lot of the paths on either the right (residential) side or the left (wooded area/orchard) but I have mostly finished the center which is shops and such.

(So far I've gotten a normal balloon spawn every 5 minutes! So it works to just hang around the beach and then look for the spawns at every 0 and 5 ending minute. Edit: Aw, nope just didn't get that last one... I am probably doing something wrong then. Oops Edit2: Definitely doing something wrong. Didn't get a spawn again. Oh well I'll check the guide again once I finish this post. I am also watching for wishing stars so it won't be a total waste.. though I haven't seen any of those either. Last edit: Guide said spawns don't happen every time AND I just got another regular balloon, so maybe I'm fine? I hope I am not just wasting time.)

I am moving most of the houses before I do the paths on that side which is ANOTHER expense for sure, but after seeing a couple of my friend's islands, I knew I could make the houses probably a bit straighter and I decided I want them not quite as closer together as I want everyone to be able to have a yard. One of my friends has houses that are PIN straight and have little yards to them. I don't think I can accomplish that. But I do think I can space them out far enough to fence them in and have little yards.

So I started with the last to move in which was Marina. I put her in a space both by the beach, and by my house because even though she just moved in we're absolute besties. No but honestly, I love her. She sings like everywhere she goes and it's adorable.

I would move Beau next but I think he might stay close to where he is. Unfortunately if I have to move him a little bit I first have to move his house out of the way and then move it back because you can't move buildings just a tad, you have to find a whole new spot. This is why I had to move the whole museum to a new spot as it was slightly out of line and i couldn't just move it to where it lined up. I wish i had known this when i put things there. I didn't take care placing anything because I knew it could be moved. I only ASSUMED it could be moved a small amount as well especially since I assumed correctly that you were paying for it. But no, so oh well, now I have to come up with new spots for things, that's fine. Luckily both Nook's Cranny and the Able Sisters I got in perfect alignment with resident services like I wanted to so they're all on one straight path.

Anyway, I hope I can get it looking like i want it to. I thought that decorating it how I wanted would be the hardest because I still need to find all the furniture. But the paths might give that a run for it's money when we talk about difficulty level if you include trying to get all the houses in the right position and such.

But as hard as I've been "working" (it's definitely still fun or I wouldn't do it) I have found plenty of time for play as well. Yesterday morning I visited a friend for her KK Slider concert. I luckily have a good group of friends from a discord I'm part of and a lot of them are from other countries so they experience stuff before I do and things like that. So a bunch of us visited her for her KK concert and we did some of that...

And then things got a little wild...

Lol, it was fun. I thought for a second about the state of the world but I didn't panic thankfully. I just saw a bunch of us coming together from across the globe, some of us in quaratine, almost all of us at least ADVISED not to go out unless necessary. The world is a scary place right now, but the fact we could still come together from across the globe to be silly and enjoy a game together makes me feel like everything might be alright. I mean, it would still be cool even if these things weren't going on, but the fact they are abd socialization is becoming more difficult than ever, it's cool to see an alternate means of that in action.

I can't believe I took no pictures of her super straight houses, ugh, if I go again, I will have to, they are literally perfect.

And the weirdest thing about all of this to me is how included i feel in all of this. We're all on a small AC discord together and it seems like a lot of them have maybe known each other a while. But unlike a lot of other places it doesn't feel cliquey to me. I've always been welcome to come to their islands, and they have always been very courteous when any of them have come to mine. They act as happy to see me as they do anyone else. And I've only known them a short time so it would usually feel strange to call them "friends" but it doesn't. Now obviously they could feel differently but if they do they don't show it. I am incredibly grateful to have found them. I really couldn't ask for a better group of people to play with.

I actually was invited from this tumblr. Likely after I made some kind of post about not feeling like I belonged in the AC community or something similarly emo and whiny, I'm sure. So I am surprised I was invited at all, but I am so thankful I was. It was just what i was looking for in the AC community.

(Yes! I learned cherry blossom umbrella! Balloon hunting is going fairly well considering I only had like two of the cherry blossom DIYs total before I started and now in about an hour I've doubled that.)

I do have some facebook friends and such I have play AC with, and I am also grateful for them as well of course. It has brought us closer together and I am thankful for that. I have one friend who we constantly send each other gifts like if we accidentally got two of something or a DIY we already have or just if we think something is cool, it's really fun. I enjoy mail as much in game as I do in real life.

But yeah, I was nervous when this game first came out that I would be stuck playing just with my sister. And don't get me wrong I love playing the game with her, we always have a good time. But sometimes you need socialization beyond your own family and I really saw this as my one chance to connect since I'm not very social, I am very anxious, and I just struggle with these things. I may have been right about it being my best chance at connection because I can hide a lot of the awkwardness in game. Very thankfully though, I found people who accept what I can't hide in game. And who accept me. For some reason that's just been really hard to do. Every community I am a part of I feel like an outsider until now. But yeah, I am looking forward to a continued friendship with these people and continuing to enjoy the game moving forward.

I guess I've rambled enough. I still need to get more balloons, but I can't write here forever. Though... I frequently do write far too much here and I wonder if it get read. If it doesn't I don't blame ya. But yeah. I will leave you with this adorable pic I took while Marina was singing... you can't really tell she was singing, but still, she's adorable either way.

(And don't you love this dress? I have it in I think 4 different colors, I just love it.)

#personal #text post #ACNH #Animal Crossing #New Horizons #Euphoria #friends

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