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hollygl125 · 1 year ago

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On rabbit holes and fanfic (in my own life):

*This is a note I wrote for AO3/FFN, but I’ve been meaning for a while to write a post on how I—a member of the Oregon Trail generation—wound up signing up for Tumblr in January 2022, and this kind of hints at that, so I thought I might as well share it here, too.*

What follows is a TMI note on why I can’t make any promises on when the next chapter of this story will be up; please read or don’t, as pleases you. I would like to state first, though, what I also state at the bottom of this note: thank you so, so, so very much for reading; your kind support means more than I can tell you.

So, I’m, ah… not very good at all this.

Two years ago now, as I was doing a “CSI as love story” rewatch and falling far, far, far down the GSR rabbit hole, I was also falling deep into ADHD burnout and overwhelming anxiety (without, at the time, realizing that I had either ADHD or a lifetime of anxiety). By the time spring 2022 rolled around, I was lacking executive functioning abilities for even basic tasks, while my mind sought solace or dopamine or whatever it was with—you guessed it—these two lovely science nerds.

I read hundreds and hundreds of GSR fics, without managing to leave a single, solitary comment/review. (I wanted to comment! I couldn’t! I’m not saying commenting would have killed me, but I just couldn’t do it; I wouldn’t have been able to continue reading if it were required, and obsessing over these two science nerds was basically all my mind could handle. So when I tell you that I get that commenting can be too much sometimes, I get it. I should also note my eternal gratitude to all the amazing GSR fic writers who—unknowingly—helped me during this time.)

I occasionally questioned whether I might try writing something about these science nerds, but I always dismissed that pretty quickly. I’d never willingly undertaken a creative writing project in my life (unless you count my last dog’s Instagram). For added context, until 2022, I had last (and first, for that matter) previously read fan fiction in the mid-2000s, when my favourites on The West Wing were taking their own sweet time. So in January 2022, while desperate for more GSR content, I was like, “Is fanfic still a thing? Is there GSR fanfic?” I literally started by googling “GSR fan fiction.” I’d never even heard of AO3 or FFN; I think the fic for The West Wing had been on Yahoo! Groups.

But I had all these romantic scenarios and headcanons and such constantly running through my head, and I was getting tired of having to recreate the dialogue for them every night as I fell asleep. So eventually, in late June 2022, I thought maybe I should try writing something down—at some point in the future, once I’d had more time to prepare. Naturally the next day my brain was like, no, now, now, we’re doing this now. I had no conscious say in the matter. I wasn’t sure whether I was going to post anything, but apparently I was going to write it.

I had a lot of fun writing out so many of my thoughts and feeling and hopes and dreams for our two lovely science nerds, and pretty soon I had a draft for this series of stories (although it was only a fraction of what I have now written). I started posting the first story in September 2022. Luckily I got to participate in a (also luckily, not very mentally taxing) overseas professional placement for several months at the end of 2022, and this was a welcome distraction from *everything else* about my life.

When I got home in winter 2023, the anxiety returned in full force. I got an ADHD diagnosis, but neither that nor the anxiety are effectively managed yet. And, truth be told, posting these stories gives me a lot of anxiety. It’s sort of been a weekly cycle of posting, feeling very anxious about it for several days, talking myself back to a place of peace, getting ready to post again, posting again, rinse, repeat. Sometimes I’ve found myself feeling too anxious to post, and the chapter/story in question has been pushed back by a week.

So I wasn’t exactly feeling great about the posting process, but I was still determined to proceed. I had a posting schedule that would have seen me finish posting this story by the end of November (last month) then post the remaining four shorter stories over the next couple months. (A few of them are synced to dates/times of year: the winter holidays and February, i.e., the anniversary of the AAFS conference.) But then, with the last chapter I posted, I was just too anxious/unhappy. This may have been because I’d slightly accelerated my posting schedule and hadn’t left myself enough time to process everything; I’m not sure. But I found myself looking at Tumblr gifs of our two lovely science nerds and feeling sad and resentful, not happy, and I realized that, if I continued on as I was doing at the time, I was going to destroy both my deep love of the characters and my own happy place.

So I told myself that I didn’t have to keep posting now—that, as much as I was determined to have the complete series of stories posted, I could do it in months or in a year or some other time when no one was left to read it; honestly, that thought made me feel a lot better. But then I decided maybe I didn’t have to wait quite so long—that I could try posting once per month or something like that. On the upside, I tell myself, this should also leave time for me to respond to comments more promptly and to go engage with other writers’ stories. (I managed to go back and read and comment on a handful of stories this summer. Commenting still gives me a lot of anxiety; at one point I felt like I almost gave myself a panic attack. But I’m going to try to work at it.) As of this morning, I have responded to all comments on these stories, including to comments by guests/people who aren’t logged in (unless I thought the comment was from a bot!).

I can’t promise when the next chapter will be posted. My goal is for next month, but it really depends on how I feel after posting this one and how I feel next month. I do hope you’ll come back to read it, though!

If you’ve read this far—both in this series and in this note—thank you so very much! You certainly didn’t need to know all the information in this note, but I needed to share it, if you get what I mean.

Thank you so, so, so very much for reading and for your kind kudos, comments, follows, faves, and reviews. Supportive comments/reviews always, always, always make my day. Your support for this series of stories is truly what has allowed me to get even this far in posting these stories, and I appreciate it all more than I can tell you. 💛💛💛

#survivors in the night: a las vegas love story #about me #adhd #anxiety #disaster person

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vegetasleftsock · 4 years ago

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Ooo matchups? I've never done these before but im intrigued lol could i get uhh platonic DB matchup? I'm 5'2, long-ish blue-black hair and bangs, blind af and wear glasses, also pale af 😂 uhh I'm super introverted and shy but not as much once I get comfortable. Even when I'm comfortable I still prefer to listen rather than talk. I'm really awkward so I never know what to say but I be listening. I also overthink a lot and as a result I get hurt by the most pointless things 😂 let's see uhh I tend to doubt myself a lot, so I really value someone who encourages me to take on that challenge or try that new thing, or that reassures me I did fine when I'm being really hard on myself. I also value someone who can pick up on my "pls help" cues and care enough to check in since I tend to bottle things up out of fear of being a burden. My coping mechanisms hobbies include rewatching the same shows 18373827 times, drawing, and playing the violin. I also love learning things from others, so I like people that don't mind explaining things to me. Uhh I'm not sure what else to add I hope that's enough 😂 thank u friend 💚

Super, my dearest friend. I know what you wanted from this matchup... let me go ahead and disappoint you. Today, I am going to be the mom friend and I am going to give you not what you want, but what I know you deserve.

End thesis.

I’d pair you with...

Gohan!!! Because he’s a freaking sweetheart. Let me explain.

Why

- Gohan loves your personality- and you’re introverted moments are just another piece to his favorite puzzle. Anytime you’re willing talk, he’s all ears. This man will genuinely listen to anything you have to say and he’ll remember it- so your breath will never go to waste.

- BUT he also loves how good of a listener you are. He likes to ponder and go on little tangents about whatever he’s stuck on at the moment. Whether it be philosophy, rules of psychology, politics, science, or just what you’ll be having for dinner that night- he tends to ramble. Gohan knows that he doesn’t have to hold himself back in front of you, because you really can get lost in conversation with him... even if it’s mostly one sided 😂

- Also, I know you didn’t add this because I’m sure it would be too braggadocios for you... but you’re really smart. Aaaaand.... he’s really smart. And big brained biddies need to keep each other company, you know? I think y’all would be really excellent at mentally activating and challenging each other. Nothing is lost upon either of you when it comes to greater thinking and so I think he would be a wonderful partner for you in this aspect.

- The thoughtfulness with this one? A+, absolutely fucking top tier. If you’re ever going through it, but you don’t have the energy to blatantly say, “hi, today I’m dying :)”- he will catch on. You don’t want to talk about it? Fine with him. He’s listened to you when you’ve talked about what makes you comfortable and what makes you happy; so he’s already well prepared to do whatever will brighten your day.

Gohan for you

- Gohan loves that you have goals and ambitions and that sometimes you keep your head down and buckle in to ensure you achieve whatever you’re chasing. He will be your #1 cheerleader. When exams and homework assignments pile up and you feel like you’ve been working from sun rise to sun set, he’ll check in on you ever-so-often. He’ll make breakfast, lunch, and dinner (healthy, but something you still enjoy) so you can focus and perform at your max. You should also expect other sweet gestures like a warm blanket pulled straight from the dryer, water or your favorite drink to sip on, and study breaks filled with naps, snacks, tv-shows, quick walks, and whatever makes you feel refreshed.

- Gohan can definitely be adventurous in the right settings. His training with Piccolo taught him to not be afraid of new things, and that sometimes it’s just better to jump into the water than to give yourself time to slowly adjust. He likes to take that same philosophy with you and he feels like he can really relate to you on that basic level. So anytime you’re interested in trying something new, but you’re too afraid- don’t worry! Gohan will be there for you every step. You might find that your new favorite pass time is trying new things just because of how special this sweetheart makes every experience.

- Any time you feel like you’ve failed yourself, others, or that you have the weight of the world on your shoulders- Gohan is there to take some of that pressure away. He will never let you feel like you’re less than- because he knows that you’re a caring, kind, and genuine person who deserves everything good that comes your way! Whenever you’re sad he likes to give you words of affirmation that make you feel special, needed, wanted, and safe.

- there is not a SINGLE hobby that you have that this man does not get ALL KINDS OF NERDY GIDDY FOR. Obsessing over a show together, sharing bits of writing with each other, and definitely DEFINITELY hearing you play the violin makes Gohan feel like he’s won the jackpot.

A song I feel matches this relationship:

Fly me to the moon - Frank Sinatra

This relationship is just classic, A-tier, reminds me of reading a good book and sitting in a quiet library. Exploration, soft notes, gentle touches, and absolute sweetness.

First date:

Gohan would definitely get take out from a nice restaurant and bring it back to his place so you could enjoy it together in a private & calm setting. After, he shows you he’s set up a pillow fort so you can relax and watch whatever movie/show you’re interested in!

This is no ordinary pillow fort though- this man took HOURS putting this shit together.

Stringlights, sweets and desserts, extra blankets, card games- you name it- he’s thought of it.

....

@supersaiyantist I hope you loved this!!! Thanks for submitting, friend :) 💖

#dragon ball #dragon ball matchup #fruit basket matchup #matchups #bnha matchup #mha matchup #son gohan #gohan

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letterboxd · 4 years ago

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Horse Power.

The Nest’s writer-director Sean Durkin talks about creating atmosphere, watching films without judgment, and the best movies of 1986.

Downfalls in Hollywood movies tend to be chaotic, dramatic and a lot of fun along the way. From Citizen Kane to The Wolf of Wall Street, outsized ambitions are realized on screen in castles, exotic holidays, wild parties, sweeping us up in the extravagance of it all, before the inevitable crash. The Nest takes a slower, far more British view of ambition and its effects on family—or, as Charlie writes, “this movie is a reminder that people who call themselves entrepreneurs should instead be stay-at-home dads”.

The new film from writer-director Sean Durkin, the brain behind cult-survivor slow-burn Martha Marcy May Marlene, is less “strap in and enjoy the ride”, more “slow disintegration of all sense of sanity”—a tense psychological drama focused on the person who usually gets hurt the most: the wife. And that horse-lovin’ dream wife Allison, as played by Carrie Coon, is a character to behold (and the subject of many obsessive The Nest reviews on Letterboxd).

Just as Durkin takes time to carefully explore Martha’s vulnerability in his earlier film, in The Nest, he closes in on Allison, as she and their children adjust to 1980s life in an English manor, far from the comfort of Allison’s American home, while wheeler-dealer husband Rory (Jude Law) chases a new opportunity.

There are thematic similarities in both films; a case to be made that ambitious men wreak a comparable mental destruction on their families as cult leaders do on their followers, breaking them down with charm, persuasion, false promises. There’s also something about the juxtaposition of periods in the film—the fifteenth-century manor vs the ’80s bangers on the soundtrack—that adds to The Nest’s unnerving atmosphere (other parts of the soundtrack are composed by Arcade Fire’s Richard Reed Parry in his first film-score credit).

Keen to understand more about Durkin’s influences and memories, Jack Moulton put him through the Letterboxd Life in Film interrogation.

Carrie Coon as Allison O’Hara in ‘The Nest’.

The Nest feels like a very personal film. In what ways are the emotions of the premise personal to you? When I was making Southcliffe in 2012, I was back in England where I spent my childhood and I hadn’t been back in close to twenty years. It really struck me how London and New York felt very similar now but they didn’t when I was a kid. I thought maybe I wanted to make a film about a family that moves in that time and how a move can affect a family. As I wrote the script, I became a parent, so it became as much a reflection of modern adulthood as it did about my childhood in the ’80s. Although it’s a period piece, I wanted to make it feel very close to today to look at the celebrated values of the time and how those are still very relevant.

The mansion the family moves into is the titular ‘nest’, and the use of space and atmosphere contribute so much to the film’s subtext. What were you looking for when location scouting for the house? Was it an easy or difficult process? Yeah, it was difficult. It was like doing an open casting call. I had a very specific idea in my head but [my production designer] was able to put it into actual architectural terms so we were able to find a house that a successful commodities broker would live and commute from in Surrey. We needed something beyond that, but if you go too far, you get small castles. Once we located the right exterior, there were a bunch of [houses] that would’ve been great, but when we got inside, there were no open spaces. I wanted to have long hallways to be able to see through multiple rooms to create that isolation—the opposite of the cozy American house that they were living in before, to really highlight the good life they left behind.

Carrie Coon and Jude Law in ‘The Nest’.

We love the soundtrack; not just the choice of songs but the way that they’re mixed. Can you give us some insight into the song selection? When writing, I build a playlist that I write to. This one was a mix of personal memories from childhood—like Simply Red, which takes me back to falling asleep in the back of my dad’s car—so there’s a way into writing there on a sensory level, and then I build upon it with songs that I love from the time. I was listening to Richard Reed Parry’s Music for Heart and Breath album a lot and he ended up being the composer of the film, so his music was always part of the heart of the movie as I was writing it.

I would spend my drives to set with my assistant talking about music and he would turn me onto some stuff that would make it into the movie. It was a mix of a long-running preparation and things that I pick up in the moment then making that all work at the right level so it feels of the world. Like with The Cure, we actually played that off a tape cassette when Allison walks into the room.

Since your debut feature in 2011, you’ve had a prolific career in television and as a film producer; you’re a founding member of Borderline Films with fellow directors Antonio Campos and Josh Mond. Do you see yourself more as a producer who only occasionally directs films yourself? No, I don’t really consider myself a producer. I’ve produced movies for filmmakers and friends and I help people where I can. I’m not someone who’s out getting properties and thinking about how to put together a film, I’m only thinking about my own work as a writer and a director. Between finishing Southcliffe in 2013 and The Nest in 2018, I had a five-year gap where I was developing lots of projects one after the other—two features and a television show—that were both so close to [being greenlit] but something fell through, which was really bad luck.

What film made you want to become a filmmaker? The Goonies and Back to the Future were those movies as a kid that first made me want to make movies and tell stories, but the moment where I realized what filmmaking is was seeing The Shining. I saw it for the first time when I was eleven or twelve and a friend showed it to me because his older brother had the VHS. It was my first time understanding atmosphere and direction and I just had a sense that I could do it too. It was a really crucial moment, and I kept that thought to myself for a very long time.

Cinematographer Mátyás Erdély shoots Carrie Coon in Soho.

What’s your scariest film that is not technically horror? AKA, your area of expertise. Oh man, scariest? Something I’ve watched recently is The Vanishing and it’s probably one of the most unsettling films I’ve ever seen. It was incredible to rewatch it because I’d last seen it when I was in college—I watched everything back then—and I’d also seen the American remake, so when I watched it this time, I was trying to remember things [that were different] from the remake. I was like “he’s gonna get out, right?—oh no, that’s in the American version!” I find it an astonishing movie. There’s a real human element to the pain of the killer.

Let’s nerd out: what’s your top film of 1986, the year that The Nest is set? [Laughs] I’ve no idea what came out in 1986. Can I look up a list and I’ll tell you? Let’s see, films of 1986… This is fun! Alright, “popular films of 1986” I’m seeing: Blue Velvet, Short Circuit, Stand by Me, Platoon, The Color of Money, what else have we got here? River’s Edge… Pretty in Pink… Ferris Bueller’s Day Off—Ferris Bueller’s gotta be up there. Big Trouble in Little China! That’s it! I’m sure there’s other things, but from my quick search, I’d say Big Trouble in Little China. That was a movie that was always on in my house because it was one of my dad’s all-time favorites.

Which is Jude Law’s best performance? I love The Talented Mr. Ripley so much. I constantly rewatch that movie—it’s perfect. I also loved him in Vox Lux recently.

Sean Durkin and Jude Law on the set of ‘The Nest’.

What is the best film about marriage and why does it resonate with you? Shoot the Moon was really influential for me. I’d say it’s a bit more about divorce and family than it is about marriage but [it depends on] if you take the ending to mean that they’re going to stay together—I kind of do. You could say a separation is part of a marriage. I love that movie for how it finds light in humor. Albert Finney is struggling with his masculinity where, even though he’s the one who left, he still thinks he owns it all, and Diane Keaton is quite liberated by this scenario. It’s like their journey to find language again. I find it very beautiful.

Which film was your entry-point into international cinema? I’m trying to think back to what I would’ve seen, there certainly wasn’t a lot growing up. In college I really discovered Michael Haneke and Michelangelo Antonioni. L’Avventura made a huge impact on me. I think [because of the way] the mystery kind of dissolves and it’s about the journey, not the solution.

What film do you wish you’d made? I don’t. Filmmaking is personal and it’s so much an expression of perspective when done with care and love—though obviously, there’s stuff that’s just churned out. I never see something and say “I wish I made that”. One of the things I find hard is when people critique films and say they would’ve done this differently. I’ve become very sensitive to that over time because every choice you make as a filmmaker is so specific and thought out. I try to consume movies without knowing anything about them or making any kind of judgment. I just let them be what they are and wash over me.

Which newcomer director should we all keep our eyes on? I don’t think I’m looking out for new stuff necessarily. Once I get to see something, everyone else already knows about it. One person I would say is Dave Franco, who I just worked with on The Rental. I was an executive producer and I was a creative bounce-board for Dave through the process. It’s his first film and it’s astonishingly directed. We were getting dailies from the first week and we were like, “This is his first movie? This is insane!” I think he will do some exciting things.

Finally, what’s your favorite film of 2020 so far? I was absolutely blown away by Eliza Hittman’s film Never Rarely Sometimes Always. I miss having retrospectives at local theaters, which I’m always keyed into no matter the city I’m living in. I’ve started watching a lot of Criterion Channel and I watched a movie recently that’s taken over my brain: Variety, by Bette Gordon, from 1983. It’s set in New York City around Times Square, and it’s this incredible journey that this woman goes on that captured my mind.

Related content

Sean Durkin’s Life in Film list

Sean Durkin’s Sight & Sound Top 10

Clarissa’s list of films that burn slowly

Everything Carrie Coon watched during quarantine (and the best of that huge list)

Tracy Letts and Carrie Coon’s 24-Hour Movie Marathon

Follow Jack on Letterboxd

#sean durkin #the nest #film director #filmmaker #jude law #carrie coon #slow burn #psychological thriller #letterboxd #life in film #martha marcy may marlene

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vapidsoup · 5 years ago

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anxiety coping mechanisms!

hey guys lately i’ve been relapsing on my panic disorder bc i moved to a new city for uni. nowadays, i feel like i’ve improved a lot since the first day of the move, and i’d like to make a wholesome and hopefully helpful post about things that have helped me calm down during these tough times. if you suffer from anxiety, depression or panic disorders, maybe test these out and see if it helps! we should all stick together and try to help each other during our difficult moments in life, after all! Oh, and please please please feel free to add your own coping mechanisms!! i’d love to hear some more helpful advice! So, without further ado:

when i am anxious I:

Distract myself with skill-focused hobbies. When I was younger and had panic attacks, simply reading my favorite book would help calm me down. Nowadays, I can’t seem to focus on reading when I’m anxious so it’s no longer helpful. Instead, my brain needs an activity which forces it to reallocate its thought process completely, so doing something that requires focus, quick thinking or your total attention is preferable. For me, I find this in drawing, difficult video games, puzzles, or podcasts, but it could be anything that forces you to shift mental gears.

Spend time with loved ones. This one is not always helpful depending on how bad the anxiety is, but I found effective when I can feel it creeping up. Talking to your mother or father, siblings, or of course friends can also help distract from negative feelings. Don’t just talk! Do an activity together, like playing a board game, signing karaoke, even going out together if you feel bold enough. If you surround yourself with supportive and entertaining people, sometimes you may not even notice your anxiety melt away.

Consume positive media. Say you’re too antsy to leave the house or even talk to anyone. That’s totally okay. Sometimes, all you need to start feeling better is your laptop! Watching a funny show has really helped calm me down because it’s a positive experience. I find that stories and music with dark, depressing and negative tones only serve to feed my anxiety. AVOID NEGATIVE VIBES! Stand-up comedy, happy/energetic songs, or even vine compilations can help turn your mood around. During my first week alone, I rewatched 6 seasons of the office. It helped a lot, believe it or not! If you have a friend to watch it with, even better.

Mind my breathing. This is the oldest trick in the book and yet I forget to control my breathing every time. If you find yourself on the verge of or during a panic attack, take deep, regulated breaths. Don’t think about anything else. Just in. And out. In. And out. Concentrate on breathing deeply and regularly for as long as you have to.

Take a shower or bath. A surprisingly helpful trick, in my experience. Warm, soothing water can help calm you down. Washing yourself is also a good physical distraction, especially when movements are repeated, like scrubbing your hair. Lose yourself to the task!

If possible, stay in a comforting environment. This could be just me, but my thoughts are at their worst when it’s nighttime. That’s why I like to stay in a brightly illuminated space when I’m feeling bad. It’s not much, but it does help. I find great comfort in my room, so staying in my comfy bed with stuffed animals has helped calm me down.

Make stuff up! This doesn’t apply to everyone, but I have found that creation has been an excellent means of coping with anxiety. If you are the creative type (regardless of any assumed skill), I strongly encourage you to think of projects you would like to do, and develop them. Are you into writing? Try thinking of a story you would like to tell! A poem you could write! Musician? Try writing some lyrics or even compose your own piece! Artist? Daydream about your dream projects. I would personally recommend working on a story. This entails world-building, characters, plot, settings, specific scenes. most of the ideas I’ve had for stories, tv shows, video games and comic books were born and developed been during times of mental crisis. Whether it’s a script, painting, youtube video, or melody, try to unleash the creator within. It is an astoundingly effective distraction.

And most importantly,

Remember that this, too, shall pass. This simple thought has been the most important aid when dealing with my panic disorder. When I was 10, I went through a terrible time, mentally, and had panic attacks nearly every day. My mother would always tell me the story of a wise king, adored by all and renowned for his seemingly perfect mind. When asked by his subjects the secret to his leadership skills, he pointed at the ring he wore on his finger. Engraved in it were the words “this, too, shall pass.” Whenever he felt powerful and invincible, the ring reminded him to think of the future and prepare for adversities. And when he felt powerless, hopeless, alone, utterly despaired, the ring was a reminder that everything is temporary. One day, things will get better, it could even be tomorrow. So he should never give up the fight because nothing is forever. That story really resonated with me. At my worst, I have to tell myself “This will pass. These emotions are strong and seem like the end of me, but soon I’ll feel better and know that this is nothing.” And sure enough, when the panic passes (because it ALWAYS passes), I think “now I can see how much better I feel. The next time I feel anxious, I must remember how I feel right now, and know that I will feel this way again.” So, when you think the situation is hopeless, know that this, too, shall pass.

These are only some of the tricks I’ve used throughout my whole life to get through panic attacks. Notice how most of these tips are about distracting yourself from the anxiety. During panic attacks or anxious bouts, obsessing over whatever problems you may have, even if they seem urgent or inescapable, rarely helps. The goal of these exercises are to help put you in a different, more reasonable state of mind, which you can later use to tackle adversities in a realistic and healthy way. So really, it’s all about letting yourself breathe, cool down and reset.

So, I hope that this silly post has helped! I wish you all the best!

#long post #mental health #anxiety #panic #panic attack #panic disorder #depression #mental illness #coping #coping mechanism #vapidsoup

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etcorsolus · 3 years ago

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rules: tag 9 people you want to know better

Tagged by @ainawgsd. Thank you, darling!

Three ships: Oh hell, Eskel/Geralt always, I will never ever get off this ship. Definitely one I actively look for. I’m absolutely weak for Lambden as well. I’m honestly partial to just about any pairing involving Coen too, I love seeing how people interpret Coen as a character and which sides of him they favor. I think the pairing with Coen I look for the most is probably Coen/Lambert, because let’s be honest, I’m pretty weak for Lambert content of any shade.

First ever ship: I honestly can not remember my first ever ship, so we’ll go with my first ship for the Witcher fandom which was ESKRALT. I played the Witcher 3 and read Eskel’s character description in the menu, got to Kaer Morhen and immediately went ‘married, they’re married and they always have been and they will be forever.’ I think that’s what I love about Eskralt though, they’ve always given me that endless, steady devotion vibe.

As a bonus: my first ship from the Supernatural Fandom was Dean/Castiel, shocker right.

Last song: Lucid Dreams, the Fame on Fire version. It’s fantastic.

Another bonus: the song right before that was International Harvester by Craig Morgan 🙃

Last film: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. I rewatch all of the LOTR movies on a semi-regular basis and this one I watched again just last night. I’m absolutely the person that will watch/read/listen to something several hundred times and not get sick of it if it’s something I genuinely love.

Currently reading: Endless witcher fanfic, as per the usual. My husband has also been slowly buying me the Witcher books! I’m about halfway through Blood of Elves now because my children don’t like to let me read for very long. I am also known to read more than one book at once (don’t judge me) so I’m also rereading the Inheritance Saga by Christopher Paolini, almost to the end of the first book Eragon.

Currently watching: I actually just finished watching I Know This Much Is True with Mark Ruffalo and oh hell. It was fantastic, I laughed and cried and it was absolutely incredible BUT it was very sad and often very dark. I wasn’t really mentally prepared for it and luckily the things that I can’t really handle are very specific so I managed okay by just pacing myself through the watch. So, I absolutely recommend it but if you do decide to watch it please check for content warnings (for example: there is MCD and depictions of mental illness) or feel free to send me an ask or a message and I can give you the big ones.

Currently consuming: Homes for SALE! That’s right, I’ve been looking obsessively because my husband and I are getting ready to buy our FIRST house. We’ve been working towards this for a while and we are almost ready to really start trying to find our home. We have a few things to sort out first so we’ve been keeping an eye on the market and pricing in the areas we want to look in. I feel a little bit like I’m dreaming tbh.

Currently craving: Cookie dough ice cream. It’s a problem. Tagging: @rawrkinjd, @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde, @process-pending, @comfyswitcherblanketfort, @ladycibia, @vvitchering, @dsudis, @darkverrmin, @jaskiersvalley and anyone else who’d like to give it a go!

#sol rambles #tag game #text post

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wanderingthroughwickford · 7 years ago

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Agents of Shield S4E1: The Ghost

A.k.a. the one that started it all

(Prepare for obscene amounts of rambling about irrelevant faves and lots of (hopefully) self-deprecating humour)

One thing I really need to try to make sense of in this rewatch is how the gangs got hold of the box from Momentum Lab in the first place. I guess it was vaguely implied that Eli told them about it but ... why?

I was under the impression that he thought he’d killed his co-workers so I don’t ... think?? he’d know their ghosts/spirits/incorporeal forms were still in the boxes? But if so, why did he describe the contents of the boxes as ‘weapons?’

Why would he even want to risk them getting out and coming back for revenge on him? Did it never occur to him that they’d be pissed?

Did he intend for Lucy’s box to be the one that got picked up, or was that just a result of her being the last one to get ghost-ed so her box was closest to the door or something?

He couldn’t possibly have orchestrated the whole string of events that got him broken out of jail, could he? I mean I know he’s incredibly smart but that’s the thing, there are just too many things that could have gone wrong for someone as intelligent as Eli to bank on such a flimsy plan? Like it relies on the assumption that 1) the ‘ghosts’ are even still alive/in any sentient state, 2) that they’ll decide they need the Darkhold, 3) that they’ll be able to find it, 3) that they won’t be able to read it, 4) that they’ll choose him of all people to read it for them? I mean it’s the definition of Gambit Roulette and I’m just ... not buying it without futher evidence

Damn, this is one hell (eh?) of an entrance for Ghost Rider

Didn’t he rip one of those guys’ spines out through their ... rear end?

Oh man the blood splatter. I forgot Robbie’s early killings were so graphic because most of the time he’s just burning ghosts.

“She was a ghost” - I love how the titular ‘Ghost’ is so ambiguous - it could refer to Daisy, always a ‘ghost’ slipping through Shield’s fingers; to Robbie, the Ghost Rider; and to Lucy, the closest one to a literal ghost.

I kind of have no clue what Daisy’s criminal activity was all about b/c I missed the last episode of S3, but I’ll take the show’s word for it that she wasn’t doing anything all that bad (just trying to stop Watchdogs).

Literal first episode of the season: “They say when the Rider burns you, he burns your soul. And a soul can never heal.” My dumb self, wanting my shitty fave to have some semblance of (admittedly undeserved) peace in the afterlife:

Oh I’d completely forgotten that FitzSimmons were already working on virtual realty at the beginning ... setting up the Framework from the first ep and I didn’t even know it.

FUCK they even namedrop the Framework? In connection with Radcliffe? And here I was thinking they didn’t even introduce it until episode 10 or something.

FITZ BABYYY don’t talk about the Framework so innocently :(

Aww the team coming (almost) all together ... before they’re all so painfully ripped apart later on

I know Mace is kinda painted as being in the wrong for implementing lie detector tests and being overly paranoid and stuff, but, like, Shield did just get back on its feet after being crippled and nearly destroyed by a secret terrorist cult which it had unknowingly harboured within its own ranks for half a century, so ... yeah #Macedeservedbetter

Aww it’s nice how Daisy leaves behind money for the homeowners

YES a mention of the Lucy box

OH GOD it’s AIDA ... I don’t even have words honestly

I want to say “report her right away!” but she’s just an innocent being (?) at this point, so would it be right?

Mallory Jansen does such a good job though, she’s so robotic and artificial here and she becomes so real as AIDA becomes more human throughout the series

It’s kind of sweet that Radcliffe just invites Fitz and the gang over to his house to watch soccer though

Love Yo-Yo giving Daisy the medicine

Man it’s weird thinking of Robbie as a ‘serial killer’ and a bad guy, as the team sees him at this point ... I had like one episode of genuinely thinking he was a villain and then the second I saw him with Gabe at the end I was like, oh okay, he’s this kind of character, I get where this is going.

(Keep in mind that I had 0 prior knowledge of who Ghost Rider is or even that he’s a Marvel character)

Aaaand now I see the bloody bodies in the back of the truck and am reminded that Lucy is not, in fact, a good person.

(Though to be fair since that was the first time she’d ever used her powers it was probably an accident ... she probably panicked and tried to push past those guys not knowing it would kill them. Everything after that, though, is on her hands.)

I like Simmons standing up for herself and speaking back to May. It’s good to see her able to put her foot down and justify her decisions. And I like how May is subtly impressed by it.

“In the wrong hands, [AIDA] could be used as a weapon, is that the intention” “No, no, not at all! Look, I know the dangers-” *insert stock photo of people laughing*

AIDA asking Fitz about Jemma is so creepy now...

Nice to hear Lincoln, Trip and Andrew mentioned

Hngnggnhng Radcliffe and AIDA were so well-intentioned at fiiiiiiiirst :(

Ohhhh I think she’s coming sooooooooon~

YES they’re bringing out the box

I can’’t breathe

“I’ve been told [the weapon is] powerful enough to bring our new enhanced enemies to their knees” - man I remember hearing this line and having NO IDEA it referred to a character rather than an object, let alone one I would pledge my life to

Also ... this means that Eli must have known what was in the box, but even if he did know that his co-workers were ghost-ed rather than killed, why would he know they’re dangerous? A disembodied spirit, in and of itself, wouldn’t be harmful... Or was he just bullshitting?

All right here we go

Oh okay I guess we’ve got a Robbie/Daisy scene (who cares about the two most important and interesting characters of the arc when you can obsess over a minor antagonist with barely any screen time amirite?)

YES HERE

FOR

REAL

ą̶̻̱͚̼̱̥̹̘́̽͆́̒͒̄̽̿̌̒ ̷̢̺̪͕͕̲̠̗͚̺̰̈́ͅͅb̵̧̨̡̬͙͎̪̥̠̎̿͋͊̆͌̐̀̿̕͘̚͝͠͠r̶̨̫̲̭̬͚̄̂̽̇̓̏͘͝é̷̘͚͖̦̠ă̸̼̓̋̐̿͝t̷̛͓̠͚͋͐͒̑̀͆͒̃̚h̸̢̡̘̳̗̗̲͕̯̩̠̯͍͂ ̷̡̡͕͈̱͉͇̱̭̗͚̖̾͑̾͒̎͗͜͝͠͠ͅȏ̷̧̩͈̖̺̒̎̚̕͝ͅf̵̝̜̲͔̝̩͈̪͕̏ ̷̬̣̥̠͇͈̞̞͈͗̾̒̆̈́̄̾͗̈́͂͝f̵̥͚̤̼̬̫͇̖̖͕̼̼̩̈̂̌͗̃͌͆͂̎̈̀͐͊̈́̕r̴̜̖͉̣͎̰̜̪͒̎̿̾̋̌̐͑́͐͒͒͘̕ę̵̨͕̝̬̞̰͙̟̏̾̉̃̈́͌́̀́̏̕̚͠͝͝s̵͉̠͠h̷̬̼̙̙͔̪̞̙͖̣͙̮͚̆́̔̎̉̎͒͋͂́͛̊̽ ̸̢͖͕͍͓͈̼͔̮̳̩̩̝́̍ͅą̵̛̻̘̠̓̀͐̓̓̑͒̍͝i̷̙̓̂̀̈́̋̋͒̈́͐͑̈̚͠ŗ̶͚̖͈̠̘̠̝͙̠̳̝̥̮̟̀͒̑͊̅̚ ̴͙͈̀̔ MY L O V E

Has there ever been an entrance more ~iconique~ (TM) than Lucy materializing out of nowhere, hissing warning words in a gangster’s ear and immediately fucking everyone’s shit up (answer: yes)

GOD I remember seeing her for the first time and thinking, like, wtf is that? For some reason I thought there were multiple lady ghosts too before realizing there was just one. I just remember having this feeling like, whoa, this is a whole new playing field here, this is weird, what the hell is this?

I mean I do feel a bit bad for the guy, though ... Lucy’s powers, while cool, really are horrible to their victims.

For the love of GOD stop pausing and freezing, dumb video, I just need to watch like the last 6 minutes

OH and there goes Lucy through May ... I don’t have anything good to say about that, it’s just straight-up cruel and unnecessary on Lucy’s part

“[You killed] a teacher.” “A pedophile.” That’s the first moment where I had that little “oh” awakening about Robbie, like “well, maybe he isn’t such a bad guy.” I still remember that dawning realization.

I’ll always like Robbie/the Ghost Rider sparing Daisy there, even though she thinks she deserves to die due to her guilt - he can tell she’s not a bad person, despite what Hive forced her to do.

I kind of wish there’d been a parallel situation at the end of the season though with Fitz and GR, I think that’d have been a nice, clever book-end, and also given Fitz fans (myself included) some more closure. Plus, possible bonding moment for Daisy and Fitz.

Aww FS sharing a bed??? I forgot that part.

Half these Robbie scenes I recognize intimately from the zillions of AMVs I’ve watched of him in the past 10 months

Aww and here he is with Gabe ... that was the moment I Knew, in my heart, that he wasn’t a bad guy.

Honestly “Everyone gets attached to something” is such a fitting tagline for this episode both for actual relevant reasons and the personal fact that I found my new fave here

Oohhhhh the Coulson zombie face .... D: Lucy whyyy do you do this

May’s honestly really resilient; everybody else who gets infected starts having visions within seconds, whereas for her it takes presumably hours to get the first one, and she holds out for like a day or so (I think) before she goes completely homicidal. I chalk it up to her years of Shield training and mental self-control.

Anyway that’s all for the first episode! I don’t honestly expect anyone to read these but if you did, I hope you enjoyed/weren’t too irritated by my ramblings.

Meet the New Boss (one of my fave episodes on a purely self-indulgent level) is next week!!!!!

#actually you know what I am tagging it #probably a poor 1 am decision but ... life's too short to be scared of getting made fun of #Agents of Shield #Holly's AoS rewatch #AoS rewatch

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recentanimenews · 5 years ago

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THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH Prepares for Battle In Episodes 16-20

Hello again, and welcome to the penultimate installment of the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH hosted by me, David Lynn! Last time on Re:Zero, everything fell apart in spectacular fashion for Subaru, and he hasn't taken it well. This week we venture further into Subaru's self-destructive tendencies that last week established, but end up moving toward a resolution every party may be happy with. Most satisfylingly, the issues with Subaru that commenters Pure6Evil and Heavenspiercing brought up last week come to the forefront with the developments here. But how does our panel feel about it? Let's find out!

Let’s start with the biggest moment, the entirety of episode 18. Subaru’s self-destructive arc ever since the royal selection began comes to a head, and both he and Rem are forced to face their issues. Was this a satisfying payoff for you?

Kara: Yes… and no? From a purely fictional standpoint I really love the scene. The voice actors did an amazing job, Rem’s description of a happy life with Subaru got me in the heart, and it really did seem to be cathartic. If these were two of my real-world friends, I would probably bop Subaru in the head for asking Rem to be his #1 cheerleader right after the bait-and-switch he pulled on her, then take Rem out for margaritas and teach her how to be a good friend to him that still calls him out on his BS.

Paul: I'm glad that Subaru is finally addressing his personality problems, which he admits stems from a deep-seated sense of self-loathing. I'm less satisfied with Rem being there to prop him up. Social support is great when you're dealing with these kind of issues, but it felt like Rem was going beyond that, to the point where she was almost volunteering to annihilate her own self-hood for Subaru's sake, and that's not ideal. At least she shot down the idea of them running away together.

Noelle: I’m mixed on this. On one hand, Subaru being honest with himself, that he’s not a hero, that he is well aware of his flaws and how deeply rooted they are, that’s pretty good! A lot of this segment was him lashing out at things not going the way he ideally wanted, and being able to admit his own flaws was satisfying. Acknowledging faults is the best way to start working past them! Rem talking about how happy Subaru makes her is very sweet, letting herself have some personal happiness. But that Subaru instantly gets better and more charismatic after a girl gives him her love… that’s not really such a good look. Subaru’s problems run deep, and having a heroine in his life that loves him shouldn’t instantly change things around. And it doesn’t! Subaru still feels like the same person, self-hate or no! Give him more confidence, sure, but the way things were handled didn’t leave me too pleased.

Kevin: In short, that conversation is fighting for my favorite moment in the entire show. It does go a bit too over the top with Rem’s later parts, both in terms of animation (why so many birds? Where did they come from?!) and her actual confession, but any time that two characters have a conversation for 15 minutes and it’s engaging almost the entire time, clearly the show’s doing something right.

Joshua: This moment really was a long time coming for Subaru. After shouldering so much pain and trauma from the time loops, it was inevitable that the emotional pot was going to boil over, and spill out. While it’s easy for us and other characters to criticise him, Subaru’s admission that he hates himself was painful to watch. He’s made monumental mistakes like at the royal selection, but he’s also shouldering a lot of blame he can’t even tell anyone about. Having to watch loved ones die over and over, struggling to save them only to fail again at the next stage… I don’t blame him for wanting out. As Rem said though, that wouldn’t be the Subaru she loves. Rem countering Subaru’s self-loathing by pointing out what she loves about him was so sweet and moving. That whole scene was beautiful and a definite highlight of the series for me, although the “I love Emilia” line that sent the fanbase into a rage, sure did end it on a bum note. I just wish Rem could find someone who will reciprocate the love she deserves, because while she may be a demon, she’s an absolute angel.

Jared: I think for me, I don’t know that he’s actually done anything to improve himself. Having a big vent session like that can be cathartic when you’re bottling up all kinds of emotions like he clearly is, but trying to justify all the crappy things he did by saying he hates himself doesn’t do a whole lot for me. The fact that he has an idea where this all comes from is good. He just now has to actually learn from what he did and that’s where I don’t know that he’s actually come to that conclusion or even had it cross his mind. Considering by the end of it he’s back to thinking he’s the only one that can be the hero and save everything. It all just seems like an excuse for him to show why he’s been a complete turd and then have him do nothing to show that he’s going to improve in any sort of way.

Carolyn: I hated it at first. Rem was being super sweet and supportive and Subaru was being extremely self-centered even in his admission that he hates himself. She was telling him how she sees him and he kept turning it around to his own feelings. I loved it when she called him out a little bit… and then absolutely hated it again when she decided to cheer him on when he completely stomped on her heart.

Danni: I’m real glad this little character arc is over for Subaru. I’m not going to lie, it hit real close to home when he came around and admitted he had just been overcompensating for his own self-loathing. Self-loathing is a real vicious cycle. When you spend all your time stuck in your own head you become acutely aware of your own flaws and become paranoid that everyone else is just as aware of them. It’s tough to admit your own flaws and even tougher to own up to them, which Subaru finally did. Real maturity means being able to see things outside of your own point-of-view, and that means trusting in the things the people around you see in yourself that you cannot. I think Subaru took an important step towards maturity by accepting Rem’s love for him, and he showed even more maturity by being honest with her about his own feelings. The worst thing he could have done for her is avoided her feelings or lied about his own.

Austin: Personally, yes. I’ve seen this scene a few times now since I always end up rewatching it when I go to grab screenshots from it and every single time it’s made me cry. I love their putting everything out on the table, I love their monologues and how they paint a crystal clear picture as to what’s going on in each of their heads, and I love the conclusion as the laugh about their future. I was never (and likely never will be) frustrated that he rejected Rem, since it’s clear that he was doing it out of desperation and Rem could easily tell.

The two sides of this arc—the royal selection and the Witch’s Cult—seemed like completely unrelated events up to this point. Do you like how the show managed to pull them together at the last minute?

Kara: I kind of suspected they’d be tied together because I get very Occam’s Razor about shorter anime (I know this comes from a long-running light novel, but I’ve not read it and we only just learned about a new season). That said, I do like where this is going. I’m always interested in world-building, and this is finally getting us into the meat of a lot of things I’ve been curious about.

Paul: Are they pulled together? I still don't know why the Witch Cult is targeting Emilia specifically, or what stake—if any—they have in the royal selection. With only 5 episodes left in this season, I fear we won't see a satisfying resolution to this story-line, because there's been a whole lot of “mystery box” style set-up and not a lot of pay-off.

Noelle: I’m with Paul on this one, that it doesn’t really feel that cohesive. Several times I found myself wondering what exactly the cult wanted. While I could certainly guess, there’s nothing really concrete to confirm things so far. They’re interesting plot points separately, but it doesn’t feel like they’ve managed to mesh very much.

Kevin: I like it on a conceptual level, because it helps make the world feel more interconnected by having different factions play off of each other. On a practical level, I feel like the Cult got revealed a bit too soon, and without enough gravity. When Subaru is having multiple mental breakdowns and we learn that Felt is the last candidate to lead the country, we don’t care nearly as much about a bunch hooded guys that appeared out of nowhere.

Joshua: The curse of enjoying an adaptation of an ongoing series, is having questions but no ETA on the answers. I think given Emilia’s similarities to Satella, and the Witch Cult’s obsession with the Jealous Witch, a collision course was inevitable. I think Re:ZERO’s biggest issue right now, is a lack of focus. Why was so much time spent building up Betelguese, if the attention was going to shift to the White Whale? His only appearance in this chunk felt too throwaway given how shocking his introduction was... It still feels like early days for the royal selection though, with most of the other candidates only having brief appearances so far. Hopefully as the series goes on, things become more naturally intertwined as these plotlines grow.

Jared: It does sort of feel like they’re trying to patch it together last minute since like some of the others, I’m still not entirely sure why they’re targeting Emilia specifically. I just figured it was due to the backlash in general she’s already faced, but yeah, probably one of those things that can be boiled down to an adaptation of a long series. Sometimes these kinds of aspects get jumbled when trying to squeeze a lot into a certain set of episodes.

Carolyn: Yeah, I’m also with Paul. I’m at a loss as to how it all actually ties together. I feel like there are so many loose ends to this story! But I love it, anyway.

Danni: I’m with the others in that I don’t quite understand why she’s being targeted or what it has to do with the royal selection. I’m guessing it has something to do with her looking like the witch, therefore being guilty in their eyes of impersonation? Which begs the question of why are they only just now attacking? Was she not already well known? I always assumed she was a prominent figure already before the Royal Selection and am now realizing we don’t actually know anything about her backstory at all.

Austin: Echoing everyone else’s thoughts on it not really feeling tied together. I think with the announced second season it’ll get a chance to wrap everything together nicely, but as of now there’s plenty shrouded in mystery.

A surprise favorite for me is Wilhelm, the knight whose wife was the strongest swordsman and was tragically killed by the White Whale. What did you think about the sudden focus he gets, and largely the shift in tone (and genre?) that the whale hunt brings?

Kara: I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about the whole White Whale thing, but seeing it evolve into what it is has been fantastic. I love Wilhelm (and all those other people) stepping forward for the hunt, and just this sheer wave of emotion people are getting. Wilhelm is the only one with a flashback, but even with the minor characters coming in, it’s clear how many people this has affected. I’ve enjoyed this a lot.

Paul: I'm still waiting for the White Whale thing to come full circle in some sense, in order to complete the Moby Dick reference. I enjoyed the flashbacks to young Wilhelm and Theresia, specifically to how her prowess completely, effortlessly overshadowed his own, and it was fun to see modern-day Wilhelm carving chunks out of his hated nemesis, but I admit all of the literary allusions gave me pause. Moby Dick is a story of self-destructive obsession, and I had no idea how an army armed with swords and spears could possibly prevail over the Re:ZERO equivalent of the Tarrasque from Dungeons & Dragons. I still don't know how they're going to salvage victory from the jaws of defeat after the conclusion of Episode 20.

Noelle: Wilhelm is straight up awesome. An old guy going absolutely ham on a gigantic monster was so, so great to watch. As for his backstory, I think I would have been fine without seeing it, because what they showed more annoyed me than endeared me. It was framed more as Wilhelm wanting his wife not to wield a sword because, what exactly? She seemed to be perfectly capable of doing so and not against it. Having her being dead and him wanting revenge was good enough without those details. Cut the flashback, and I think I would’ve been perfectly fine. The old man is taking this whale to town though, and that’s fantastic.

Kevin: As a first time viewer, it was really cool seeing someone actually competent at fighting getting to show off. I think the last time we saw an actual fight like that was Reinhard versus Elsa in the first arc, and Reinhard only really attacked once. As a repeat viewer, it somehow got even better, because I know Wilhelm’s backstory going in, so every blow he deals has a lot more cathartic weight behind it.

Joshua: I’ve been a huge fan of Wilhelm since the series first simulcast, but I totally forgot just how kinetic this old man is! I mean, did you see how cool he looked when he was younger? He totally puts me and my out-of-shape younger body to shame. You gotta think, his body may be grey and wrinkled now, but that badass is still inside. Wilhelm is a very noble, chivalrous spirit. Him thanking Subaru for the opportunity to avenge his wife was a brief moment, but it carried the gravitas of what that meant to him. I’d like to see more of Theresia and what brought them together though. The White Whale Hunt has added a new layer of world-building emotional death to the series that I think it really needed.

Jared: Oh man, Wilhelm ruled. I was really feeling down on the three episodes prior to the White Whale battle and that really turned things around for me. Although, I’m a sucker for big battle sequences. Plus, he made his fight sequences seem like some of the boss fights out of Metal Gear Rising and Shadow of the Colossus. What happens to him seemed kind of inevitable as he was getting all the death flags you could imagine, but I enjoyed his role and his backstory for the most part. Although the weird sexism he throws in when he learns his future wife is the swordmaster wasn’t great.

Carolyn: I love Wilhelm for sure. But I’m a little bit nervous about this big fantasy shift. We’ve had this dark, mysterious story so far and now it’s big and epic and there’s a huge battle and it’s just very different. I’m sure the next week’s episodes will make this all make sense to me. The show has been fantastic so far.

Danni: I said this at some point during the Naruto rewatch and I’ll say it again: I live for stories about old men carrying lifetimes of regret finally returning to the source of that regret for closure. I could say more, but I feel the rest is best summed up in this tweet.

Austin: I really like the focus he gets since it makes the world seem a bit more “alive” by giving the spotlight to characters who have a history in the world everyone else knows. As for the whale hunt, I love the band of everyone coming together under a common cause and my gut tells me the whale is going to end up being important later in the story.

As we approach the final week, are there any developments you are hoping the story hits upon before it wraps up (for now)?

Kara: Like I said, we know there’s a season 2 coming. And there’s something like ten volumes of light novel? So I’m bracing myself to not get a full payoff. If there’s one thing I could wish for (and probably won’t get) it’s more information on Roswaal’s entire situation. I have so many questions.

Paul: I'd like to know, at the very least, who's responsible for siccing the Witch Cult on Emilia in the first place. That would provide a clear antagonist and a clear goal in opposing them for the second season.

Noelle: I want to know what the cult’s deal is. There are so many unanswered questions of what is the witch and why do they want to do what they do that leave me wondering. I don’t need everything to be mapped out, but the cult doesn’t really have a motive besides kill people, and I need more than that to feel the gravity of an antagonist. I don’t think everything will wrap up neatly, the royal selection in particular, but that’s okay because season 2 is incoming.

Kevin: I’m not sure there’s anything I can say that wouldn’t be spoiler-y in one way or another, so I’ll leave my thoughts about the last arc of the show for next week. I promise, I have thoughts.

Joshua: Having already seen the series, I’m hoping that I pick up on any new hints I missed the first time round that could give me an idea of what to expect in season 2.

Jared: I’d be happy with a decent cliffhanger and getting a better view of a singular antagonist than what we currently have. Stuff like Roswell, the whole royal selection process, the other candidates true intentions, and even Subaru’s goal of trying to save Emilia will probably be left on the table because of time constraints.

Carolyn: Definitely want to know what’s up with Roswaal. I have loved and been suspicious of him from his first episode. And just more of an explanation on the White Whale situation. There are three?! What is going on?

Danni: I just want to see more Beatrice. That’s all. At this rate my Betty reserves will never last me through the winter.

Austin: Back when I watched this for the first time I wanted a meaningful scene where Emilia and Subaru get a chance to talk. Like I said before, I’m hoping the second season ties everything together, so I’m pretty fine with it being this open as of now.

And of course, what were your highs and lows this week?

Kara: High point was Wilhelm going absolutely HAM on the White Whale. I could watch that for hours. Low point was Subaru managing to convince one perfectly lovely girl who deserves better to help him in his pursuit of a completely different perfectly lovely girl who deserves better and her being like “sure.” I’ve finally realized why people are so protective of her.

Paul: My high point was Subaru admitting that he's been royally screwing up this entire time and then working up the courage to face his problems, to make amends, and to finally start using his head when confronting the obstacles before him instead of trying to brute force his way through every situation. My low point was the sinking feeling I got when I realized there's not very much screen time left for the writers to resolve all of these plot points that they've been juggling. I hope they don't just introduce a bunch of new mysteries and leave us with a cliffhanger conclusion.

Noelle: I have a few highs, one being the negotiation scenes with Subaru and the candidates. That people are not willing to help if there’s no benefit to them, that begging is often nonconductive because that relies on people’s goodwill even if helping would hurt them more than help them—those are some points I don’t see addressed very much. Also, Subaru putting together all the information he got from the candidates during his failed route to make a great negotiation. Naturally, I have to mention everyone coming together to beat up that whale. Low point: the Rem confession scene. That could’ve played out so much better. Rem, you deserve better.

Kevin: High - Dear God it’s hard to choose this week. Pretty much the entirety of episode 18 for Subaru and Rem was amazing (I cite my first answer for the week), but episode 20 for Wilhelm (and a little bit into next week’s first or second episode, if I remember correctly) balanced action and character development spectacularly while also being great on rewatch because of the extra knowledge going in. Low - “I love Emilia.” God DAMN IT, Subaru! As I put in the Rewatch chat “Episode 18, timestamp 23:23. The moment when half of the Re:Zero fanbase decided that Subaru deserves every single thing the plot throws at him.”

Joshua: This batch had so many high points. Subaru’s breakdown and Rem’s heartfelt confession is a big tentpole moment for the entire show, but smaller events like Beatrice’s pained face as she reluctantly sent Subaru to his death left a huge impression too. I also loved the use of an annoying chiptune ringtone against shots of a tense, nervous army awaiting the arrival of the White Whale. It sounds ridiculous on paper, but was so chilling in practice. Also, Crusch. Every time she was on screen was a high point. For a low point, I have to ask: where did Subaru get the authority to negotiate Roswaal’s mining rights? He’s just a house guest and Rem’s a maid, so will Roswaal return home, see the contracts and be “Argh! Not again!”, or does he pay wages with land deeds or something?

While I loved it, I also think the confession scene could have ended better. Subaru, you don’t just ask a girl to elope with you, then say you love someone else. I wish Rem had reacted to it more. Her devotion for Subaru is leading to her taking it all in stride, but she shouldn’t have to. She deserves to find someone who truly appreciates her.

Jared: High point would definitely be the White Whale battle episodes. Wilhelm being real cool during that fight was great, as was everyone else doing their best to try and that big whale down. Also, during the meeting when Subaru produces his phone and everyone looks at it and are very perplexed was a good little bit of comedy. Low points would be Subaru being a dummy. Reducing Rem to only being a character that exists because she has to love Subaru.

Carolyn: I liked the scenes where everyone just flat refused to help Subaru for their own selfish reasons while simultaneously telling him how very selfish he is. Everything involving Wilhelm was fantastic. Prequel please. For once I have a legitimate low point and not one I have to stretch for and like everyone else it’s the way Subaru promised to run away with Rem and was then like, “Yo, help me out with this other girl I actually like.” Rude.

Danni: My high point was easily watching buff Captain Ahab tearing apart his flying magic Moby Dick. My low point is Rem devoting herself entirely to Subaru. Like, I get it! You’re 17! Of course you want to devote your entire life to the dude you have a crush on! One day you’ll grow up and how to compartmentalize attraction away from love and attraction and look back on all your bold declarations of love for Subaru and think, “Oh geez. That was embarrassing huh.”

Austin: As for highs, this may sound bad but the loops of suffering Subaru goes through that lead up to the scene in episode 18 are done really well in my eyes. Between last week’s scene with Subaru and Emilia and Subaru seeing everything he cared about in this world destroyed time and time again this week, it broke him down in a way that made his request and rant to Rem really hit hard and easily one of the most unforgettable batch of episodes in any anime for me. As for lows I didn’t really notably dislike anything in this batch so I will instead complain that my favourite voice actress’ characters didn’t get more screen time (please give Anastasia more time to shine, I am definitely not biased at all).

Counters: Weekly: Barusu - 7 Subaru Deaths - 1 Methods of Death - Freezing

Overall: Barusu - 31 Subaru Deaths - 10 How Subaru Died - Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Curse, Combination (Curse+Dismemberment), Slit Throat / Torture, Suicide, Freezing, Beheading, Freezing

Just one more week left in this whirlwind of a show! Next week will be episodes 21-25, so if you're not already caught up, be sure to finish Re:Zero by next Friday!

Here's our upcoming schedule!

- Danni will finish off the Rewatch on October 18th with episodes 21-25

CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Episodes 11-15: Enduring Heartbreak

Episodes 6-10: From Apples To Demons

Episodes 1-5: Starting Life in Another Rewatch

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

What are your answers to the above questions? Do you agree with Subaru's choice to pursue Emilia over Rem? Let us know in the comments!

-----

David is on Twitter @navycherub. Ask him about whatever sports anime is airing right now.

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sarahtarian · 8 years ago

Text

10:30 pm thought...

This is inspired by the craziest episode of Jane the Virgin airing on Monday night.

One of my favorite things in the universe is watching or hearing your friends explain to you how they stumbled upon their favorite shows. -And how it results in someone’s unique collection of favorite shows.

I don’t care if anyone reads this, but I wanted to take a few minutes to walk down memory lane and revisit my personal stories. In a rough order of how much they mean to me:

Criminal Minds (Wednesdays @ 9 on CBS)- This school year has been crazy because I’ve moved twice, and switched all of my classes in anticipation of moving in with my dad, and correctly assuming that I would need to be my own best advocate. I had signed up for way too many hard classes because I felt rushed when signing up, and I didn’t yet know that I wouldn’t exactly be able to go to an international college because of money and my weak dedication to school. In an act of self-preservation, I began to get into some new shows in the Fall of 2016 to help myself cope with the death of my parent’s marriage, and the sale of my childhood home. In one of my new classes, (I took part one last school year, so I’m in part two now) I had become acquaintances with this girl who is a senior at my high school, that I would see on the bus and in the lunch room everyday. One day in November 2016, she sat at a table with me. I don’t remember how we got into this conversation (I’m 50/50 that I was watching The Blacklist during our shared free period), but I recall trying to explain the plot of the Blacklist to her, and she said, “That sounds exactly like Criminal Minds!!!”, and I thought to myself, oh lord, I’ve heard of that show, and it always sounds like some lame 90′s crime show to me. I hope she isn’t going to push the subject, and try to get me to watch it. I believe it was that night when I watched maybe 4 episodes of it, and I was HOOKED. My new-found obsession was quite casual, up until winter break, when I felt comfortable putting my home screen as Matthew Gray Gubler because I’d be out of school for an extended period of time. The moment that changed my universe was when I saw a cute little post on tumblr asking if anyone wanted to join a Matthew Gray Gubler/Criminal Minds group chat, and I responded, not knowing what to think. To be honest, I though I had either asked too late, or maybe it would just fizzle out very quickly like my 2014 o2l group chat did. It did not. Our chat turned one month yesterday, as did my Matthew Gray Gubler blog. Those dozen or so girlies and guys completely changed my junior year, and my life. Not only did our chat enhance my understanding/appreciation for Criminal Minds, it has become my place to vent, give the others some advice, and make every conversation feel like a slumber party. Being a fan of Criminal Minds has helped me see what I want my future to be a little more than before, and most importantly, that I don’t want to redo the mistakes of my parents. I like reading so much more now than I did before, and for the first time that I can ever recall, I am content in the happy medium I’ve found between my hobbies. This past week, I went to an orientation for volunteers at a baby horse hospital (my second year), I’ve gotten a lot of time by myself in my new apartment to work on singing, I’ve sat down and made some original posts for my blog that I’m proud of, I found a way to study for midterms and not hate it, and I believe that all of these factors culminating together have, and will help me in the real world. This particular fandom makes me feel like I’ve found my home at a very vulnerable time in my life, and brought me back up from my rock bottom. I can honestly say that I feel like I have a much stronger sense of self after being immersed in the psychology of Criminal Minds, and understanding the reason for my own behavior. This show makes me laugh when I would otherwise be crying.

Jane the Virgin (Mondays @ 9 on the CW)- I had just started my sophomore year in High School. I was in a rough situation friend-wise, and this show was my coping mechanism. I must have rewatched the first season 3 times, and I got so sucked into it for some reason. I was, and still am so into the romanticism of this show which for me means the music, the non-sexual building of Jane’s relationship with her love interests, the crazy family drama, and the complexity of the storyline, and strangely, how hard it is to try to summarize the show to someone. There are so many multi-layered stories going on at the same time with sadness, angst, love, and forgiveness. It is also an added bonus that this show is inherently diverse because it is supposed to take place in Miami, so there are people of color in many socio-economic statuses. This show continues to pull on my heartstrings. Even though I only found the show around September 2015, this show has had such an impact on me because I found it just in time to help prepare me emotionally for my parent’s divorce that I found out about on 1/31/16. Even though it isn’t the *most* realistic show ever, it prepared me for the divorce by showing me elements of what real love is, and that my parent’s marriage wasn’t working. I am immensely grateful that I decided to watch the pilot while fiddling around on Netflix looking for something new to watch. I clicked on it because I had heard of it once or twice before, though I don’t remember where I heard about it. I also just really appreciate the way this show has been able to tackle relevant issues such as bringing up abortion as a viable and OK option, as well as normalized feminism :)

Grey’s Anatomy (Thursdays @ 8 on ABC)- While I probably won’t continue watching this show anymore, I am not sad that the show seems to be coming to a close now that it’s in it’s 13th season. Possibly most of the reason that I still watch is because it reminds me of some time I got to spend with my older sister. I love this show for quotes, catching medical terminology that I know, relatively realistic relationship ideals, and just appreciating the deep backstories of most of the characters. In some ways, I would call this my guilt pleasure show because it is all about nostalgia, and unrealistic career goals to me. This is by far, the show I’ve been watching the longest out of those listed here. This is the show I binge watched on Netflix in the anticipation of entering high school. With some of the older characters, they feel like family to be. My affinity for Grey’s Anatomy came full circle when I met Addison (Kate Walsh) at a debate party for Hillary Clinton in my tiny hometown, and we took a few pictures and talked, and exchanged a few looks of disbelief from across the small party room while watching the debate. This show does make me a little sad because it reminds me that the best days have already come and gone:/ This is one of the only shows that I keep watching every Thursday because of nostalgia, and to mentally check out of the world for an extra hour. My first encounter with the show was flipping through channels at my Grandma’s house with my sister, and stumbling upon the episode where a black man and a white lady both get impaled, and only one can live. Years later, I would catch my sister watching Grey’s Anatomy, and when I was about 13, I started to join in. I always thought my sister was dumb for crying when the characters would get hurt, but I get it now.

I also religiously watch The Blacklist, Scandal, and How To Get Away With Murder. I try not no get into too many shows at once, because I tend to get a little obsessed.

#idk why i wrote this #but it was fun to write

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