#i have to go be with shitty extended family. hope i live

[communistkenobi]

idk how other people grapple with going the no-contact route with their families but like one of the frustrating things about it for me is that there are circumstances where I absolutely would speak to my parents again. I have this stupid insistent hope that if I just explained myself one more time, told them why I’m angry that they threw me out of the house one more time, gave them one more chance to apologise, they’d finally see reason and understand why their children don’t speak to them even on christmas day. my parents are old and alone and I grieve for them constantly because they’ve had shitty miserable lives. one of the really awful things about their behaviour is that they’re so poisonous, so unwilling to admit any kind of fault, that they’ve robbed me of the ability to extend any sympathy towards them for it. I can’t have a relationship with them as an adult and equal, I can’t be their friend or give them some good years to balance out all the shit ones. and even if we reconciled today it will never be the same again. they’ve permanently fucked it. they’re wasting the evening of their lives, barrelling towards retirement age, dying on a hill alone and bitter because they don’t want to say the words I’m sorry to their own children. they’re that disgusted by the thought of apologising, and I don’t know what to do with that kind of bile, I don’t know how to square that with the grief I feel for them

[yuri-is-online]

omg... we talk about yuu here?? we love yuu here???

I could talk about yuu forever, they're infinitely more interesting than any of the boys to me (not sorry). I know for a lot of people yuu is just kind of their pawn for this epic fantasy world and they don't even think about the ramifications, but me personally I would descend into insanity if I got isekai'd into magical teenage boy hell. deep down I know this freak is traumatized to the nines and likely severely depressed.

one of the most important things about yuu's character is that they feel helpless. they can't perform magic in a world that's almost completely reliant on it, for one. as you've pointed out, they have no true autonomy. they have no government documentation, no family, nowhere to go, hell, they're not even a full student. they have no real hope of going home, and most of the nrc boys don't even seem to particularly care about that (if anything, I assume a lot of them would selfishly want yuu to stay, regardless of yuu's own wishes). the rules of this world are still unclear to them, and people don't really seem to acknowledge that.

can you imagine how lonely that existence would be? sure, people like yuu. they have friends. but as you've pointed out, no one (with the exception of adeuce, maybe) really seems to care about how things effect them specifically. yuu is manipulated, exploited, physically hurt and almost killed like, a bunch of times, bullied, harassed, and on top of everything, completely helpless to it. despite having friends who supposedly care about them, no one really seems to think about yuu's feelings on magic and the multiple life-threatening incidents they've experienced in their short time at nrc. as someone who has ptsd, I can't imagine that yuu would walk out of all that completely mentally unscathed.

as you've pointed out before, yuu is treated like any other student. their experiences and circumstances are never really taken into consideration, and they're expected to just... go along with things like everyone else. sure, equality is nice, but that doesn't really help yuu's case. yes, realistically, yuu is not totally helpless but good lord someone needs to help them out. someone needs to empathize with them, and defend them, and at least try a little to help them navigate this terrifying reality they've been expected to... just adjust to with no help. with their lack of autonomy, they're pretty much at the complete mercy of the people around them. yuu is lonely and I stand by that.

and on top of all of this, they have a massive amount of responsibility dumped on them constantly. yuu is a sort of mediator. they solve problems, usually ones that other people create, and never really by their own will. they arguably live in pretty shitty conditions and have no way of making money. they have to not only babysit grim (bless him tho), but also literally everyone else, while also trying to keep their own shit together. I mean, they're still technically a student. and a mini-housewarden. and crowley's errand runner. and they just got here a few months ago. psh.

yuu feels helpless, but they aren't treated as such, and so no one really extends a helping hand without ulterior motives. as much as ace and deuce want to help, they're also teenage boys and have their own tiny worlds to attend to. while people can be nice, no one seems to really want to understand, or care, about yuu's mental health.

anyway. I love the boys but in my heart I know that my yuu wouldn't be able to handle all that. me irl already deals with feelings of loneliness and crushing responsibility and misunderstanding and helplessness. twst is not a choose your own adventure type game and the tiny choices yuu gets to make don't really affect the story (which is oddly symbolic).

but like, listen. if I was zapped to another universe where I'm completely alone at a school full of teenage boys, most of which who couldn't care less if I lived or died, and one day I was sent on a trip to a city that painfully reminded me of home and some catholic-coded freak started being really considerate and empathetic to me for no other reason besides just liking me and genuinely being appalled at my circumstances, I would help him destroy magic. idc. I wouldn't even think twice about it. I stand by the idea that rollo feels some kind of affection for yuu. this would affect all of the diasomnia book because I would literally not want to leave and they'd have to drag me out of fleur city screaming and crying and clawing at the floor. poor malleus would be crushed.

anyway. haven't caught up to diasomnia yet so I may be way off. feel free to answer this or not! sorry for my weird english byebye!! love your posts

Yes we talk about Yuu here! They're the goat and I am so sorry I took forever to respond to your ask! Your English is wonderful you just had so much to say I had to really think on it σ(￣、￣=)

>deep down I know this freak is traumatized to the nines and likely severely depressed.

I think this is a very reasonable assumption to make about Yuu. While how well they take being isekaid to "magical teenage boy hell" (that's such a funny way to put it) is something up to each player's interpretation I like to write Yuu as being prone to bouts of longing for their own world, if for nothing else than wanting to feel something familiar to them. Which you point out in the rest of your ask!

I think one of the reasons people loved Rollo so much is that he was finally someone who acknowledged all those little things about Yuu's situation that we wanted to see talked about. He is someone we can realistically sympathizing with Yuu's situation and would treat them with a degree of care the other boys might not notice they needed. I have... played around with some AU stuff for him in my spare time and the conclusion I have come to is that I think he would try to avoid asking for Yuu to help him in his plan to destroy magic. He wouldn't want them to be implicated, and his plan is a sort of personal penance for his inability to save his brother. The idea that someone would want to help him, let alone someone as perfect as Yuu, isn't really something that would cross his mind. Besides, I don't think he would trust Yuu to help him immediately, he doesn't know them all that well at the start of GloMas.

Mental health tends not to be something focused on in isekai stories. I do think that our limited choices (i agree it is fittingly symbolic) have shown a Yuu who is slowly starting to feel the lack of control they have over their situation and are starting to feel stress over it. Ace says that he wants Yuu to be able to go home, as does Deuce, but I do think they both would be equally as happy if Yuu got to stay. They enjoy their friendship and love them a lot, if the story happened in more of a vacuum I could see both Ace and Deuce picking up on Yuu needing the extra support, but with how many things have happened over our school year they haven't had much time to sit and think to themselves about... much of anything really. But that doesn't exclude Yuu from feelings of loneliness or isolation; some of the most painful types of both is when you are surrounded to people and yet still feel unable to scream.

As for Malleus... well these aren't Diasomnia spoilers but if I understand his platinum jacket card correctly he can't stand seeing other people be happy when he isn't so. If Yuu were genuinely happy in Fleur City and he was left alone... oh he'd be so unhappy about that he would be beyond crushed.

[transitranger327]

Of Deeds Greatly Done, a Niko/Tyvar fanfic

Summary: Niko has left their old life behind to study Physics at Shandalar University. Huatli is their literary roommate with a love for birds. Tyvar is a boastful Materials Science major in their classes. Their lives will weave together and their fates will intertwine. Read it on Ao3 or below the cut

—

I gripped my steering wheel too tightly. Everyone called it “The big day!” and, I hoped they were right. Just one stressful day that, once it ended, I could settle in to something more rhythmic. I liked rhythm. A regular timing that I could base everything else on. The less chaos, the better. 

Slowly, I approached the dorm entrance. I tried to not think about the line of cars ahead of me that were full of parents helping their kids move in. Not me. I rolled forward two car lengths. A tall, buff man who vaguely looked like he was from my neck of the woods walked up to my car. I rolled down my window. 

“Student’s name?” He asked. 

“Niko Aris”

“Ah, a solo trip. See that parking space up there, off to the side?”

“Yeah.” I had really hoped I wouldn’t be singled out like this

“Pull into it. Some people will help you grab your things. Take them up to your room, then come back down and take your car over to the garage.” 

“Thanks”

“Hey, and if you need anything, I’m Gideon.” His smile was warmer than a summer day in Theros. 

I dutifully pulled out of the line and parked in the designated spot. Two upperclassmen in matching green university t-shirts—a woman of red hair, red shorts, and caramel skin, and a fairer man with brown hair, cargo shorts, and a blue hoodie around his wait—crossed the car line and greeted me at my shitty sedan. 

“Hey Niko, welcome to Shandalar University, I’m Jace.” He extended his hand toward me. I shook. 

“I’m Chandra.” She indicated a fist bump, which I returned. “WhatDoWeNeedToGrab?”

“Uh, just these two bins. The smaller one has some fragile things.”

Jace grabbed the smaller one, Chandra took the larger one. I grabbed my rucksack and poster tube and closed the doors. We crossed the car line and entered the stream of student movers in green. They nudged me into going to the desk. A pale woman in dark black clothes (the shirt having the school logo embroidered in green) sat there, with an array of small manila envelopes before her. “Name?” She asked. 

“Niko Aris”

She picked out one, “Room 212”, and handed it to me. 

I joined Jace and Chandra and the rest of the movers walking up the stairs. “Hey,” Jace said, “Don’t worry about being a solo move-in. I was one too, a few years ago. You’re gonna do just fine here.”

“That’s an understatement, Jace.” Chandra turned to me, “the man completely forgot when he was supposed to show up, he arrived late at night on day 1.”

The conversation was mercifully short, as we only had to walk up one flight of stairs. We turned to the left, walked past a lounge, and found my room. It was small, and thankfully empty for the moment. Chandra dropped my clothes bin on a roll-out bed, while Jace gingerly placed my shard box on a desk. 

“All right Niko, see you around.” Chandra smiled as she stepped out of the room. 

“Yeah, see you.” I waved goodbye at Jace leaving with her. 

I took stock of the rest of the—no, MY—room. Above the desk hung a floating bookshelf. A light was attached underneath it. A large, hand-cranked window opened between the two halves of the room; my roommate hadn’t shown up yet, I took the left half. Underneath the window was a strange 9-drawer dresser; I’d have to figure out what my roommate wanted to do with that later. On the door end of the room were two closets, an empty space in front of one and a sink in front of the other. 

And it was mine. Not my family’s. 

I followed Gideon’s instructions and went to park my car in the garage.

—

When I arrived back at my room. A large family was now milling about it, I assumed of my roommate. Several languages were being spoken, but I definitely heard “mama, I got it” a few times. As I stepped in, I counted…7?…8? people. I tried being as discreet as possible, but the oldest man in the room proclaimed, “Ah, the roommate has arrived!”

“Yep, that’s me, I’m Niko, the roommate.”

A woman—slightly shorter than me, with brown hair in a tight braid—reached out, “I’m Huatli, your roommate. These are my parents,”—she gestured to the two people who looked older than us—“and my cousins, because Inti here doesn’t start for another two weeks.” 

A man our age—taller, but with a braid the same length as Huatli—added, “Quarter system, teicu, you could’ve had that too.”

“Okay, we’ll get out of your way and let you unpack,” Huatli’s mom declared, as she hugged her daughter. “But if you two need anything, just let us know.” I felt her brown eyes pierce into my soul. 

As the gaggle cleared out, Huatli tried apologizing. “Sorry for my family, they can be…a little much sometimes.”

“Nonono, it seems…nice.” I hoped I didn’t sound too desperate for a supportive family. “So, uh, should we introduce ourselves?” I wasn’t quite sure yet how to make friends in this kind of environment.

“We don’t have to.” Huatli turned to continue unpacking, hanging some very nice art prints of various birds. “But I do enjoy a good story.” 

“I think I’ll save the storytelling for another day.” I started unpacking my clothes bin. “How do you want to split up the dresser drawers?”

“I suppose we could each have the 3 drawers on our sides. Maybe split the ones in the middle, or they could be for shared things.” 

Shared things? “Well I don’t have a lot, not sure I’d take up that much space.” 

“Well you still have some things.” She had moved on to shelving her books, “Want to tell me what’s in the box?”

“Oh this? This is my shard box.” My mouth had jumped in front of my brain, I’d never told anyone that I called the things inside it shards.

“Shards of what?” She had emptied one of her boxes of all its books, and turned to listen to me.

“Memories, events, places.” I pulled out a small rainbow button. “This pin was given to my at my first ever Pride. I was so out of my element, but a very kind drag queen gave me this, saying ‘welcome home’.” I showed it off.

Huatli inspected the pin, smiling, “Glad I’m living with a fellow gay.”

It really was a nice prospect, the person I was going to live with not hating who I was. I returned to unboxing my shards. “Every shard has a story, they’re memories made tangible.”

“A different way to tell stories.”

“Yeah…So what’s with all the birds?”

“My family is obsessed with them. My parents are ornithologists, that’s how they met.” 

“Are you following in their footsteps?” I resisted the urge to ask if she had a favorite. 

“No, actually, I’ve always had more of an artistic interest in them. Mockingbirds especially, singing songs and telling stories of others. I’m studying Creative Writing, if that isn’t obvious now.” 

“Oh, that’s pretty cool.” I couldn’t bear to pull my last few shards (my sports awards) out of the box, so I slid it on top of the floating bookshelf. “I’m doing Physics myself, but I did consider studying a humanity or two.”

“Why Physics?”

“I used to play sports. I was always fascinated by how things moved. And I love the rigor of science; practice makes perfect, and all that.”

My clothes bin slowly emptied. Between the three drawers and the closet rack, I was able to stow it all. It took a minute to figure out how the roll-out bed worked, but I managed to put sheets on the mattress. I checked the schedule: 3 pm on move-in day was dorm floor meetings. I was free before then to grab lunch, maybe talk to other people. Huatli was nice, but I was pretty sure I needed more than one friend. 

I threaded my room key onto a little keychain I had picked up from a pride festival booth in Glossion. “I’m gonna grab lunch, you can lock the door if you also plan on leaving.” Huatli nodded a quick okay before I started down the dorm’s hallway. The long, tight corridor of cinder block walls funneled the sounds of dozens of new students into my ears: glee, trepidation, ambition, camaraderie. Thru the glass walls of the floor lounge I saw a group of students chatting on couches; maybe another time. I turned into the stairwell to exit the building.

—

Having selected a few slices of roast pork and a side of mixed vegetables, I left the crowded serving area and made my way to the patio seating outside. The day was warm and sunny, the way I liked them (and apparently these kinds of days were not common here in Shandalar). I took an empty seat at a nearly-full table, the others rapt in attention of another student telling a story. 

“…and lo, the Trolls had caught me by surprise. I was pinned down, slowly having the air crushed out of me. But I saw my opening, they were too focused on me, not enough on what surrounded them. I grabbed the bottom of the dumpster behind me and yanked it over top of me. It rolled into their faces and slammed the backs of their heads into the pavement. They were too dazed to climb out from underneath it.” The storyteller drank deep from his can of an energy drink whose name I’d never heard. “And that’s how I earned my name, ‘Trollstopper’. The young woman whose aid I came to gave it to me. We never managed to track down the devil who started the fight.”

“And we’re just supposed to believe you, that trolls exist and you fought them.” My skepticism had decided to choose fighting words, but I’d heard and fought plenty of braggarts like him. 

He started to laugh, multiple necklaces of charms bouncing on his bare, tattooed chest. “Our new guest did not get to hear the beginning of the tale. The Trolls are the name of a gang of troublemakers from my home town.” He shoveled the vegetables from his plate into his mouth before asking, “so tell me, Steelhair, what great deeds have you done?”

It was the first time anyone had described my hair as anything other than violet. Even those who didn’t sneer at the mere fact I had dyed it, those who supported me still called it violet. I decided to give this red-haired muscle-bundle a shot. But not before I could try understanding him more. 

“I prefer to let my actions speak for themselves.”

“But how will others know your actions, if the sagas do not speak of you?” He goaded me right back, “Tell us, so we may speak of you highly.”

I smile, “I never miss. Anything I throw always goes where I will it. I was the star athlete at my school.”

“A claim like that deserves to be shown. Kjell, let’s test the usual tricks” Trollstopper gestured to a tall, bearded, brown-skinned man. Kjell drained his cup, then set it down at the far end of the patio. “First,” Trollstopper said, “toss a rock into the cup.”

“That’s it?”

“Well if you don’t think it’s a challenge, try bouncing it off one of the tables.”

“Now you’re talking.” Behind me was a small area covered with pebbles. I picked out the roundest one. Tossed it between my hands a few times to get a feel for its weight and inertia. 

Aim thru the target. Foot back. Arm forward. Fingers release. 

Plink, Table edge. Plonk, In the cup. 

A chorus of “nice”s and “pretty cool”s arose from the crowd. Trollstopper wasn’t satisfied, he knew I could do better. “Ever thrown one of these?” He held out what I believed to be a golf ball. 

“Nope. Never played golf before”

“Three bounces off the ground, then the cup”

I bounced the ball a few times, gauging its elasticity. 

Aim thru the target. Foot back. Arm forward. Fingers release. 

Plink, Ground. Plink, Ground. Plink, Ground. Plonk, In the cup. 

A few hoots and hollers emerged from a now gathering crowd. Kjell tossed the golf ball back to me. “Have them try the V,” he said.

Trollstopper smiled, “Everyone, grab trays and line up into a V.” He directed the assembly to form two lines, angling toward Kjell’s glass. “Four trays, then the cup. I’ve never seen anyone pull something like this off.”

“Maybe you won’t,” I said, “how about a wager?” Getting people to succumb to their overconfidence was always a joy.

“Humilation for the loser, or reward for the winner?” He drew closer to me, allowing me a better look at the rich variety of jewelry he wore instead of a shirt. Pendants carved from rock, thin chains of colorful metals, jewels embedded in wooden charms. 

“Reward. Fifty bucks at the bookstore. I need a new sweatshirt.”

“It’s agreed then.” He reached out his hand; we shook. A firm but friendly grip from him. He stepped back to give me space. Someone in the crowd pointed a video camera at me.

Aim thru the target. Foot back. Arm forward. Fingers release. 

Plink, Tray. Plink, Tray. Plink, Tray. Plink, Tray. Plonk, In the cup.

Cheers erupted from the entire patio. It felt incredible to be celebrated as I was, not what I was expected to be. Trollstopper just laughed, “well played, Steelhair. You don’t miss.”

—

“So do you have a real name?” We were now walking to the bookstore, “or am I gonna have to call you Trollstopper all year?” 

A chuckle, “I’m Tyvar. My family name is Kell, but where I’m from, nicknames are more often used than our family ones.” 

We walked past a line of empty tables with “book this for you organization” signs. “And where would you be from?”

Tyvar smiled, “Kaldheim, the land of snow and sagas.” His green eyes had a starry look to them, as if the place was remembered warmly. “So where do you hail from, where you have no warm clothes?”

“I’m from the south of Theros. We don’t get much snow, our weather is mostly like today all year round.” We dodged the ludicrously long line to the register, and made our way to the apparel section. 

“And what name do you go by?” he asked, as I picked out a black hoodie with the college logo in green.

“Niko Aris. Tho I do like Steelhair as a nickname.” I said, as we started to head toward the line. “What are you studying? Because I’m pretty sure fighting in alleys and losing bets isn’t a major.”

He laughed, “You know Niko, I like you. I’m studying Materials Science.”

“We might be taking some of the same classes then.” The line advanced. “I’m doing Physics.”

“Excellent,” said Tyvar, “it’s always good to have a friend in class.”

The “friend” caught me by surprise. I wasn’t exactly expecting to make friends this fast, it usually took people longer to figure me out. As the line slowly inched forward, I kept thinking about “friend”. No judgement, not even a pause beforehand. Guys like him usually had plenty for me.

We reached the register. A very exhausted student took my new hoodie, as well as a few candy bars Tyvar had picked up along the line. He paid, and we cleared out of the store. 

“Well Tyvar Trollstopper, I guess I’ll see you around then.”

“We’ll meet again, Niko Steelhair.”

As we parted, I felt a longing form in my heart. I desperately hoped we would see each other soon.

—

Notes: “Teicu” means “little sister/cousin” in Nahuatl. This fic treats the various planes as different regions of the same world.

@3rebor you wanted little gay people in your phone

[its-monster-mash]

Sinclair Brothers Headcanons - Angst

I’m fresh off of a House of Wax rewatch and I come bearing headcanons

Bo

• Self-Appointed Eldest Brother

• Suffers migraines as a result of the separation surgery, but no one ever considered the side effects Bo may have faced since he wasn’t the twin who was left visibly scarred. This is why he had the meltdowns he did as a kid.

• Taught by his mother that the migraines are a punishment from God for being an awful child.

• Since he grew up being told how awful he was, he has a skewed moral compass because he feels like if he’s Bad no matter what he does he may as well do whatever he wants. In a strange way, he feels good when he does bad things because he feels like he’s doing what’s always been expected of him.

• Fights fights fights. His dad being a “Disgraced Doctor” and his mom going insane(and also having a strange job before that) kids made fun of his family a lot. This, of course, extended to Vincent.

• Beat other kids bloody for picking on Vincent—when he finally got caught, it was the first time he was ever treated like he did something GOOD by his parents; so he learned that being violent was A Good Thing™️ as long as it was to protect the family.

• Didn’t like Vincent going anywhere without him because how could he protect him if he wasn’t there?

• Especially after their parents died and the town started falling apart, Bo felt like it was HIS job to protect his brothers.

• Hurt that Lester doesn’t want to live with them full time; he feels like it’s something personal against him.

• He doesn’t mention Lester when he gives his speeches about ‘The Sinclair Family’ not because he’s got anything against him, but because deep down he knows that someday they’re going to get caught. He knows there’ll be no getting out of it for him and Vincent, but he hopes that the less he implicates Lester the more likely his baby brother is to be spared The Chair.

• Always used to feel like it would be any day that they’d get caught, and he used to want it. Years ago he used to feel like getting caught and having Ambrose make Headlines would be the culmination of their mother’s dream. Now, he’s just tired of it all—it’s a chore—it’s Vincent’s whole life’s work. Bo no longer wants to be caught, he just wants to hold on to what he’s got left.

• Bo is Autistic, but he’s had to do so much masking because nobody cared about his needs. He’s got a lot of rituals he does every day, involving counting all the Wax Sculptures in town, and making sure all the air conditioning is running several times a day for fear that the wax will melt. He thinks he doesn’t have a talent like Vincent does, but he’s actually an incredibly skilled mechanic who can fix just about anything with the barest of supplies. He just never got any praise for it, so it felt like it didn’t count.

• He attends his mother’s Funeral Service every Sunday.

• So much religious trauma. Fervently believes that God is real and he hates him personally for some crime of his birth. This man believes everything his mother ever said. Christian in the “I will fistfight God in the Parking Lot” sense, the “When I die I hope I get the chance to scream at God for being a shitty Father before he sends me to Hell” sense.

• “Why would you make me this way?” Religious Trauma.

Vincent

• “A Pleasure to Have in Class”

• He actually CAN talk, he just doesn’t prefer to because he’s self-conscious about the way he sounds due to his deformity, and also as a result of the childhood trauma of watching Bo be abused—it was safer to be the Quiet Son.

• He’s Autistic, but flew under the radar because most people assume he’s non-verbal due to his deformity. He’s EXTREMELY specific about the kind of material he puts on his body, and he actually prefers the way his clothes feel if they’ve got a film of wax on them.

• Wax is as much a special interest for him as it is a lifeline. His art made his mother “love” him, so he poured his all into it. She made him feel like that was all there was to life for him—now it’s just about all he knows.

• He’s EXTREMELY pretentious about his art and his process—it has to be absolutely PERFECT or he hates it. If he’s interrupted during a bought of creative mania he will sulk for a week. If he’s not good at a new skill IMMEDIATELY he hates it—which is why he cannot cook.

• Very much a “You Wouldn’t Understand” artist. “Nobody gets me.”

• The reason he doesn’t put as much care into HIS mask as he does his sculptures, is because his body heat coupled with the heat from his workshop makes the wax too malleable to hold the fine details well, so he’d just rather not bother. He made a detailed mask based on Bo’s face exactly ONCE, and it pissed him off so badly when he kept losing detail that he destroyed it himself just to have a little peace.

• The detailed mask actually hurt his feelings more than seeing his bare face, because when he first made it it looked “Like he should have”, but it was never perfect because of the way his body heat would soften it.

• Absolutely furious whenever anything happens to his art—doesn’t check as often as Bo does because he once saw a rat crawl out of a hole it chewed in the eye of one of the sculptures, and the resultant smell of the open rot made him vomit on the spot.

• Enjoys killing more than Bo does. He doesn’t really care about hurting people—that part isn’t a thrill for him, but he does prefer strangers to be dead. He’s so used to working with dead bodies that it’s much more peaceful for him if people who AREN’T family just die. Sculpting on a living body is a special Hell reserved for “tourists” who vandalize his art.

• He is well aware of how over-protective Bo is of him. Sometimes it annoys him, but he also knows it’s one of the few ways Bo knows how to show that he cares. Since Bo has always protected him, and survived everything their parents did to him, Vincent sort of sees Bo as indestructible, untouchable, so it’s alarming to see him injured.

• Vincent is genuinely afraid of what would happen if Bo weren’t around—he doesn’t know how to take care of any of the myriad of technical things Bo does, and Vincent knows that without the air conditioning, every creation he’s ever made will melt in the Louisiana heat.

• Vincent is an atheist. He tolerates Bo’s God Talk because he’s aware that God was a weapon used against Bo as a child for being the “Bad Son”. He knows Bo is trying to be comforting when he quotes their mother, so he doesn’t throw it in his face. Can’t believe in a God who would allow them to do the things they do to people. “The only God in Ambrose is Me”.

Lester

• The Forgotten Youngest Child.

• Being the brother who isn’t a twin—having no deformity and lacking Bo’s behavioral issues, Lester was forgotten and neglected a lot as a child—to the point where he’d just go wander off into the woods alone so at least he wouldn’t have to watch his parents ignore him. With the added benefit of not having to hear Bo’s outbursts.

• Really good at building traps, and ate a lot of squirrels when he was growing up, because Trudy and Vincent would sometimes forget to feed him. Really kind of raised himself.

• Came to terms with the abuse and neglect he and his brothers suffered much more fully after their parents passed—he never really felt very attached to his parents, so he didn’t feel the need to carry out Trudy’s dream.

• The most Aware™️ that the killing his family does is wrong, hence his speech about how easy it is to “Get Used To” all kinds of things. It’s just the life Trudy raised them into. He thinks it’s sad that his brothers are still perpetuating her goals, but what can ya do? They’re his brothers.

• He doesn’t spend a lot of time in the Sinclair home—preferring his little place in the woods—because there’s a lot of bad memories in that house and he doesn’t believe in letting himself fester in the past.

• Still visits every couple of weeks when he does his laundry—usually Bo gets takeout when he knows Lester’s coming up so they can have a family meal. Lester actually prefers his own hunted/foraged cooking, but he enjoys getting to actually have some family time with his brothers, so he chokes down what’s usually fast food, because he knows Bo’s trying.

• He doesn’t actually participate in the killings, but he is the one that rigged the animatronics in Ambrose—he’s actually a hell of an engineer, though he’s never been to school for it.

• The animatronic puppies are his favorite, and he modeled them after Jonesy.

• He’s actually pretty well adjusted, all things considered. He’s just happily living his life in the woods—he does wish things were different for his brothers, but he knows they’re in too deep now, so he just looks out for them as best he can.

• He guts the cellphones of his brothers’ victims both to disable any tracking functions and to use the parts for his animatronics.

[davekat-sucks]

Anon who sent that ask about Eridan interacting with the alpha kids not long ago. I wanted to talk about it a little more particularly with Jake, both are gun welding hunters who love adventure. That'd probably be enough to kick it off for them, Eridan and Jake would love to share stories about their accomplishments while maintaining a cool persona. They can talk about knowing Jade briefly, their hope aspect, the isolation they felt growing up, their drama with relationships, like how everyone is wants Jake and no one wants Eridan, how blue bitches cant be trusted! There's so much they could discuss! Roxy and Eridan is pretty obvious with the many interests and personal struggles they share. Such a missed opportunity they never interacted.

I don't think Eridan per se loves adventure as much as Jake has. But his hunting and FLARP sessions, make him active in going out to dangerous places and killing someone when threatened. But it would be kind of cool for Eridan to share his stories about his FLARP games. It would definitely boost Eridan's ego and confidence that someone is willing to listen to him. Both can sympathize about Jade living on island. Though Jake knows that Eridan bothered Jade mostly to hit on her, he like to believe he notices that Jade was alone and tries to at least keep her company because of her isolation. Eridan sending Jade his rifle was also necessary too. Eridan would probably be confused on concept of grandparents, but Jake would help him that it's not too bad to have an extended family or someone of the opposite sex to raise you. The relationship drama of everyone wanting Jake and nobody wanting (that close in matesprite/kismesis) would also be an interesting one. Though Jake is definitely a better person in terms of personality, most of his friends only want him for dick and sex, not him as an actual person who has his own interests and problems that can't be solved by love. On the other side, Eridan is not the greatest person due to how he was raised to believe that status and power is what determines your worth. He knows he bitches and wwhines to others about his problem, but he wants to genuinely want to help others. Just that either the other party doesn't want to explain about their own issues or Eridan's approach to things is not seen as great. Both can help each other. Eridan helping Jake stand up to tell his real feelings to his friends while also giving a chance to be in better terms with them and Jake helping Eridan to be a less shitty person that he may start to see that his old beliefs were not as great as he thought.

Blue bitches can never be trusted. I like to imagine either Eridan seeing how Jake interacted with Jane or Aranea, he would be asking Jake if he is aware that even with his love for blue-themed, the girls' personalities range from clingy to 8oring(at least in Aranea's case). Yeah, Eridan would think Aranea is a nice Vriska, but he would be bored with her always talking that he can't even get a say or word to really rile her up and start hate flirting. He prefers a challenge from his partner and Aranea probably won't give him that. Eridan would advise Jake to stick with humans that just have similar white Caucasian matching color as him. And if Jake addresses there is more than one skin color tone, than Eridan shrugs and say fine because most of the monkey humans look all the same to him. Maybe have a meta joke about how even if the acknowledgement of other races or people interpreting the kids as other ethnicities, they are still kept in the same art style. That it would be easier that if someone thought they were black, they would make it more obvious in the overworld sprite. Jake may say something that standardize sprite look is just a base for others to view however they want, but Eridan argues that it is stupid and whatever is shown to him(and the viewer) is what it is. If they have the time to make a stand in, then they would have the time to give detail to make it known said person is a different race. Either everyone can be seen as this or nobody seen as it. Can also be funny to imagine that Jake notices Eridan's crush on Roxy that Eridan would try and ask for help on how to be less of a dick and be a true gentleman. Jake does so on trying to be a decent man. Some parts may make Eridan feel embarrassed or question if it even works, but Jake does genuinely want to help and believes that things like that are one of the steps forward to be a better person. Eridan would probably hear about Caliborn being his genuine friend compared to others. The troll would agree in some parts with the Cherub, but question about his approach on trying to get Jake to acknowledge his own problems and get him to fully stand up. Or question if Caliborn is any better because his fondness for Jake mostly stems from the destiny thing that would lead to Lord English's existence. That he would be no better than Calliope on using people to lead to his existence and his goals. Eridan thinks Caliborn is like Karkat, but Caliborn holds nothing back on calling out Eridan's bullshit and denies that he is has any familiarity with the mutantblood nobody, which Eridan tries to at least defend Karkat's honor as a friend, despite knowing that Karkat may still hate Eridan for what he did. Eridan and Caliborn would be at odds on how to approach things with Jake and the rest of the Alpha Kids. But soon enough, Eridan and other trolls(Equius, Nepeta, and Feferi) time with the Alpha Kids starts to improve without Calliope and Caliborn's involvement. That the Alpha Kids doesn't need to depend or listen too much of what the Cherubs had to say, picking up on their true intentions and goals. Eridan would happily mock Caliborn, the 'kar wwannabe', that he can't do shit towards Jake or anyone else. Maybe it is at that point, Caliborn would acknowledge Eridan as another Hero of Hope to face him, calling back to Eridan's old prophesized destiny and knowing he can't underestimate another person like Dave, who was given this same goal too as the Hero of Time. Though Jake English may have been the one of the people that would give the name Lord English, he can't deny other timelines where other heroes had been given a chance to bring LE down. Sure they are doomed timelines, but they were still given that choice if the slight chance something breaks the usual cycle. There's so much Homestuck could have done, but failed by the end. At least we have fanfics. So feel free to make those What-If scenarios and Fix-Its. To show others that a series like this could have been better if given enough thought and time.

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

Stupid Hope

Hey, A. This is what I do at your grave now. I write a Tumblr essay to you because I'm still not going to talk out loud to you in the ground. I guess at least I'm not that crazy. (Yet.)

Your cup of rocks is still on your headstone. I guess I'm happy they're all still there. I added the ones I found for you in Ireland and Paris. J wanted me to bring British pound coins and leave them here. "But I guess you'd have to press those into the ground, which I'd guess you don't wanna do. I don't think people will leave money alone, even if it's not our money and the exchange rate and fees are shitty." 😂

Anyway, life continues to be a scavenger hunt full of your invisible, untouchable presence. Like Randy Newman's I Think It's Gonna Rain Today on my drive to work? Again...neither subtle nor funny. J told me to come today because it would be marginally less hot than yesterday, but I was afraid of rain. It wasn't raining when I left for the library this morning, but it rained the whole drive here to the cemetery. And miraculously (?) it quit when I got out of the car. With your rocks. After fucking Welcome to the Black Parade played as I turned into the cemetery. The Boy has noticed that. I have a Spotify playlist that's a catch all. I keep it on random. It has like 5000 songs in it...hours of music...every genre. There are exactly 3 My Chemical Romance songs on it. One of them plays whenever we're talking about you. Once all three of them played in the same 40 minute car ride. "That's fucking weird, Mom."

Anyway I guess I appreciate the rain. I'm here by myself again because who comes to the cemetery in the rain? Apparently me.

So I gave this piece a title. Stupid Hope. Because man, it's been a while since I've been here because of traveling and a new driver's license and other family stuff. I was really hoping to see that someone else had been here. I perked up a little because the stranger next to you has flowers and I thought they were yours for a second. But of course not. No one else has been here. And that honestly makes grieving harder, man. If someone else was here, it would feel real. And I'm still having a rough time with that. The old social anxiety and insecure attachment I've dragged around my whole life but was never there with you is there with you now. No one else is coming here so Stupid Jen Anxiety Brain says you aren't really dead. This is just an elaborate and complicated ruse to get rid of me. I'm the only one coming because you're not really here. You're still alive and happy somewhere just without me bothering you. Which in itself is Stupid Hope. Denial. That's just a fancier word for Stupid Hope.

I'm still amazed that every book I'm reading is grief related. It's you related. It's us related. I'm trying to accept you're here and that you wouldn't ditch me in such a dastardly complex way. You died. What the fuck, man? Obviously I'm not angry with you for dying but you did keep my Stupid Hope alive because you so consistently killed the Insecure Attachment monster. Shit, man, you were better at it than J, and that's really saying something. I try reaching out to other people. Kind people. People I love. L and D and online friends. People who do come back and show up if I extend myself enough but like...shit dude, you spoiled me. I never was afraid to be too much for you. You didn't ever let me feel that. You reached back. Other people just don't. Except J, but he lives in my actual house with me, so asterisk. I miss you so badly still every day. I'm so fucking lonely. And scared. I had a nightmare about J last night. That one I always have had, but it's the first time I've had it since you died. J said maybe in a way that's good, like I'm getting back to normal...'my old self' (he's got a lot of Stupid Hope too, I guess). But it's just abject terror of just how truly alone I'd be if I lost J now. It's even scarier now than it used to be because now I don't have, "Call A," as a coping option. And now I'm hot because it's not raining and there's just barely enough of a breeze to make the wind chimes go in this tree to my right (your left I guess). At least there's finally some grass here now. I'll come back in a few weeks. Or when you start making all the songs on the random car radio play titles with 'Rock' in them again. (Real rocks not rock n roll...I Am a Rock...We Want a Rock...Loves Me Like a Rock...) Or all the book titles that pop up in the holds lists or book bins to check in at work are about graves and cemeteries in fucking July (not October or Memorial Day).

I'll always come back with my Stupid Hope as long as you keep it alive like that still. You're still my best friend. I love you. But I'm going home for real now because yuck. 🥵🥵🥵

[11thwardtls]

Memory Defrag | TRACK 3 - RECORD B | Azekawa Kinari's Ward Mayor Novel Translation

Warnings and Disclaimers:

This translation is not professionally done and is not proofread. Edits and clean-ups may come at a later date.

Not a 1:1 translation either and some liberties into localization were taken into account.

This novel will contain spoilers for the Ev3ns Main Story: "Chained Up Scarlet".

Appropriate Content and Trigger Warnings will be added if needed.

May be used for quotebots/masterlists etc.

I am not fluent and self-studying Japanese (albeit at turtle speed), this was translated by ear and with the help of a JP dictionary, so please feel free to point out any errors!

CW: Discussions about Death and Terminal Illness, Referenced Suicide Attempt

—/—/—/—/—/—

The data has transferred into its next phase. 

Reflected into my retinas, I found myself in the Azekawa Family’s living room where I was developed and spent my days in.

“Shut up already, you shitty dad!” 

Kinari was yelling.

He was eighteen years old. It was at that age that I was modeled after him. We had the same exact appearance.

He was wearing his high school uniform and he had a grim expression on his face.

“Watch your words, Kinari!” 

At the same time, the developer was similarly raising his voice.

“Where did you go when you skipped out on going to the hospital?! Make sure to see the doctor today!”

“Why do I have to go to the damn[1] hospital everyday?! It’s not like I’ll get any better if I go…!”

“Why can’t you understand that this is for your own good?!”

The depths of the developer’s heart is overflowing with cries of sadness.

The feeling of being unreasonably worried. The feeling of being uneasy and helpless. 

At the same time, he is also feeling uncontrollably furious at his son who won’t listen to his heart and continues to rebel against him.  

“Anyway, I’ve got plans to go karaoke[2] with my friends today. I’ll go to the hospital tomorrow.” 

“Just karaoke?”

“Hey, if I’m gonna drop dead tomorrow, I might as well die doing what I love, right?!”

Watching through the developer’s memories, this Kinari was akin to brightly burning fire. 

A blazing, fiery blue inferno. 

At the very least, that’s how it appeared in the developer’s eyes. That’s what is being conveyed to me. 

A strong life force that burns fiercely and with all of its might, despite being cloaked in death. 

Kinari was shining with intense emotions and sheer will. 

With such momentum, even the developer was overwhelmed. 

“If I’m dying anyway… I’ll die singing.”

After spitting it all out, Kinari left the house.

The developer fell to his knees and covered his face with one of his hands. 

“...Kinari…”

[I’ll find a way to make you sing forever. I swear on it, I’ll make sure you’d get to sing as much as you want.]

I can feel the developer’s heart trembling. 

Feeling despair knowing that it would be impossible, he decided to complete that life extending treatment no matter what. 

He was filled with determination to make that happen. Because Kinari will definitely become a singer, after all. 

Did Kinari know about how his father felt?

As an android, I do not know the answer to that question.

All I know is that despite the developer’s strong determination, his hopes did not bear fruition.

[I only realize the things important to me when it’s too late.]

[Perhaps that’s just the way life is.]

Suddenly, from the corner of my memory, his words that I heard the other day came back as if they were flickering.

My vision then went dark.

—/—/—/—/—/—

Somewhere, I could hear the sound of rain. 

From within the darkness, a faint light from a street lamp shines through the window.

Inside that gray landscape, Kinari was there, crouching down and crying out.

[It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.[3]]

[It’s frustrating, so frustrating, so frustrating.]  

A painful emotion was surrounding Kinari. 

[Why do I have to die? I want to live too.]

His screams of agony blended in with the sound of rain. 

Whose… memory is this? 

The developer’s or Kinari’s?

That desire to live was unyielding more than anything else. It was strong, intense, and harsh, burning away at his heart with a redundant force that it seemed as if it could reduce his human body into ashes.

That’s what I understood. 

—/—/—/—/—/—

As the image disappeared from my retinas, my consciousness went adrift into slumber. 

I’m currently in semi-conscious mode.

[Would you like to suspend Sleep Mode?]

[Would you like to continue viewing data?]

Without replying to these message boxes that have appeared, I reflected on the video I had just seen, as well as the emotions I felt while watching it.

I wonder what this feeling is.

Something feels afloat within my heart. 

…I’ll think about it for a moment.

This heavy, bleak, sharp feeling is probably—Sadness. Sorrow. Frustration.

Perhaps these words would be close enough.

…Why did the ‘Original’ refuse to go to the hospital?

Doubt flooded my mind.

He wanted to live an intense life.

If he thought about it logically, he’d have a higher chance of surviving had he gone to the hospital.

I also wonder about the words, ‘I want to live’ and ‘If I had to die, I’d rather die singing’, which of them were his true feelings?

Raito, too, had said something similar. 

If I recall...

When I first met Raito, the person who had accepted [The Death Prophecy], despite having no desire to die, it’s as if he dove straight first into a trap just to kill himself.

Humans do not live their lives with a focus on rationality.

Sometimes, they act out because of something else compelling them to do so, those of which could be called emotions, desire or hope.

To this day, I still cannot comprehend it.

However, there are now ‘feelings’ that come to mind at present.

If the current ‘me’ relives and experiences what I had in the past, will I accept them?

Will it help develop the sensitivity as I had asked for?

I closed the page as I overwrote the browsing data with new findings, then responded to the message box. 

[Would you like to suspend Sleep Mode?]

No.

[Would you like to continue viewing data?]

Yes. 

This time, I opened the past recorded data that I had saved myself.

—/—/—/—/—/—

Translation Notes: 

1 - Kinari uses a very rude speech pattern here which felt difficult to translate into English, so I added a swear word instead. Gets the work done, I prommy. Also if it helps, og!Kinari uses 俺 (ore), and our!Kinari uses 自分 (jibun), in case anyone wants to know how to tell who speaks apart for reading the raw JP text.

2 - Might be completely an unreasonable note / speculation again, but this karaoke plan might be the same one that ties in with Tao’s novel: Back to the 99 Track 1-2 / Main Story SideA-01 and SideB-07. 

3 - This series of lines is repeating, 悲しい and 悔しい 3 times over and over. The flow when literally translated felt off so I translated them with the hopes that the word choice conveys something similar!

—/—/—/—/—/—

Directory:

Main Page | TRACK 1 | TRACK 2 | TRACK 3 | TRACK 4 | TRACK 5

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Can you share more about the planar belt wip?

yes!! it's Davenport-centric. the basic idea started what I put on the tags of this post just now— like, there is no way barry and lup could have made these belts with only the intention of fucking up greg grimaldis. bc i think that was part of their goal, but it might have started as "wouldn't it be funny?" and turned into "wait, shit, this might actually be helpful."

my hc about story and song is that part of the reason it worked is not only bc the Faerûn planar system heard it, but every single plane the hunger consumed also heard it. the original plane the hunger started on had the same mindset as john, sure, but just being amassed into this bigger being doesn't mean your world has given up hope. they just needed that extra nudge to fight back.

and because of this, the twosun plane also heard story and song. so not only are lup and barry trying to reach out to that world, but the world is trying to reach out to them. the goal originally, i think, was just that davenport deserved to get a Fucking Raise, thank you. but now it's just...

there is so much life unexplored there. I'm still trying to figure out how time passed when a plane is inside the hunger, bc time standing still doesn't feel powerful enough, but i love exploring the dynamics within lucretia's and magnus's family originally, and 100 years plus some is a little too long for those family members to still be around.

im thinking more like— extended living? it was shitty inside the hunger, but they also just kinda stopped aging. or aged very, very slow. idk! it's a work in progress for a reason sldfsdf

but the main points are 1) reexploring the lost time between family/freinds they left behind 2) rounding out dav's character a little more and 3) just like... the healing between the crew. some of them have people to go back to. some of them don't. i really wanna flesh out part of why the stolen century was so hard and that's just because they truly didn't know what was happening once a planar system joined the hunger. but now they have the chance to know!

but yeah :3 thank u for ur interest lsdkfsdf. it's a heavy wip rn but progressing is Going, even if it's slow

[magsinhiding]

On the way to the airport now. A part of me thinks my aunt and uncle would be happier dying sooner in their house than later in a nursing home. My uncle told me he hopes not to get rid of anything when they move out…from their three bedroom house with basement to an assisted living facility. It’s just going to be so hard and they are so so stubborn. The only thing that may keep my uncle from getting a storage room for his 8 ancient computers and endless empty cardboard boxes is the price. The one advantage of being so incredibly cheap.

It’s extra hard because my mom and her sisters still have a pecking order, as my mom called it. The other two were their parents’ favorite and my mom and aunt were not. Along with a lot of other shit it means my other two aunts treat my mom terribly, and I’ve noticed my aunt and uncle also don’t treat my mom very well as a result. It’s just so frustrating and I really wish any of these people got some fucking therapy. My mom is an incredible person who flew all the way here to be treated dismissively and it’s just shitty.

It just makes me so sad, and I’m realizing all this past trauma from mom’s childhood that I have secondary trauma over is just going to get regurgitated up over and over again.

Anyway my word vomit about my extended family is about to come to an end - thanks for reading and supporting.

[theglitchywriterboi]

Me as a kid: "Huh, it's funny when in T.V. shows family's always have an estranged relative.... Weird how my family doesn't"

Me as an older teen & adult: "Holy shit we're the estranged family members"

I'm estranged on both my sides. My dad's mostly cause I'm shit at texting & they live far so I see my dad & siblings like once a year & my extended family every few years [which I'm hoping to change !! I wanna get closer to all them I'm just shit at communicating & also I have so much going on]. My mother's side because [FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD] they're all either A: Abusive pieces of shit, B: Racist pieces of shit, C: Other bad stuff like generally assholes, D: Enablers for any of the above, or E: All of the above.

Which is a shame cause I've always wanted to be one of those family's that has huge gatherings that's just a reunion. Maybe one day I'll get closer to my dad's side [99% are cool & chill] & maybe I'll see if there's any not shitty members of my mother's side [which is allegedly fucking huge]. I hope to get at least closer to all my siblings so I can host family reunions for the siblings, then our kids+grandkids, etc.

[joe9cool]

Collide- Justin Herbert- 30

"So Justin, who are we going for in the superbowl?" The reporter smiled and Justin looked down. He truly didn't care, he wasn't playing.

"Um, I'm hoping for a good game between both teams and no injuries." He could tell the reporter wanted to roll their eyes.

As bummed as he was about the playoffs he was somewhat glad he wasn't the QB’S of the two teams. He saw first hand what the media did to Burrow, with all the articles about him and his girlfriend. Everyone picking apart his past and present, people coming out of nowhere with lies and personal things. He nearly dodged a bullet with Sara.

Ashley came over once the interview finished and led him to the car to drive to the bookstore for a signing. He was exhausted, and wanted to just relax and go back to Florida with Gabe. The other guys would be there when he arrived.  Then they could have a proper extended boys trip.

He got to the signing and the event began. Most were kids, presenting jerseys and helmets and cards. The parents encouraged kids to speak to him. Justin smiled at the cute kids. A little girl came up to him, she couldn't have been more than  five years old. She had thick, dark, short hair, with dark brown eyes and a bright smile. She reminded him a child like-

"Justin, this is our daughter Sarah, would you dedicate this to her." He froze. The little girl smiled. "Hi Justin. I'm a big fan" her little voice made his heart melt. "Thank you so much!" He signed it with his marker and the girl's mom remarked. "We used to spell her name with a 'h' but then after your girl became famous I dropped it."

He smiled awkwardly, not wanting to talk about it. "Well thank you so much for coming." The dad was in the background recording and uploaded the cute moment to social media, not expecting it to go viral.

It didn't stop the people from analyzing it

They definitely broke up, look how awkward he is.

That was really shitty of the mom to bring up his girlfriend. No class.

Of course now everything Justin does is going to revolve around Sara. Attention seeker

Oh please Sara is a gorgeous woman while he looks like he smells like weed and dirt. Tell him to take a shower and then he can look at Sara.

It was late when he got out of the signing. His manager asked him if he was going to Arizona for the superbowl. He shook his head no. He had no desire to go to that event. It felt like a red carpet with major celebrities that he didn't know. He also didn't want to run the risk of running into Sara or any of her friends. She expressed desire to go because Rihanna would be performing

He got home and greeted Nova. He decided to get her from Ashley's place while he was in LA. When he returned from Florida he was going to head home to Oregon where he would be taking the cat

Speaking of his mother called and asked if Sara would be visiting. Holly said that the hype died down and most people went back to their normal lives. Some did approach her and ask about Sara but overall they were respectful. Justin said he wasn't sure. He was not about to tell them about the breakup over the phone.

Showering, he had one more event that was mandatory. It was a party that was thrown by the Chargers organization. Any and everyone who associated with them would be there. David messaged him to know they would be there. He was glad for that. Being the quarterback and the face of the organization it was mandatory for him to attend. While the other guys didn't show because they already went home.

Since the breakup he didn't really feel like associating with the married or relationship guys. He didn't want to answer questions about his relationship, and be reminded of something that was ruined.

As he pulled up to SoFi stadium he was greeted by the Spanos family. A nice family who he personally didn't understand why people loved to trash talk. They gave him a chance, letting him have the keys to the football program. The talk was about selecting a new offensive coordinator. As much as he appreciated them telling him he would be heavily involved with interviews and the selection he really didn't want to talk about that right now.

Once he got away he managed to find David and Kristen. Exchanging hugs they fell into a conversation about Oregon things and catching up on the gossip.

"Sooooo. How are things between you and Sara? I heard it was insane in Eugene. Did you know that people were hanging around the University of Oregon? Supposedly the school is booked with campus visits. That's the Sara effect." Justin rolled his eyes. Sara brought it up once she was spotted in a certain piece of clothing and it sold out in minutes. "Yeah she told me about that before."

There was silence. "So I saw she was in the Fenty show! She looked beautiful! I bet you were so proud! In Chargers gear." His eyebrows rose in confusion. "I didn't watch it."

Kristen's jaw dropped. David didn't detect anything. "Well that's a shame cause she looked gorgeous." Kristen glared at him and then looked at Justin. "We will talk later." Justin knew the look on her face, and made a mental note to avoid her by herself the rest of the night.

He walked around, feeling like a fish out of water. No matter how many times he attended these parties with people he knew it was still uncomfortable.

"Hey Justin!" He turned around and almost rolled his eyes. Fucking Taylor. Of course she'd be here. "Hi"

She smiled, and it was brighter than it was in a long time. "How are you? I'm so sorry about the playoffs."

"I'm good. Obviously it's disappointing to have the season end like that. But it's ammo for next season." Typical media answer, but she was media.

"I'm sure having your girlfriend in another continent is hard on top of that." Of course that was the first thing she mentioned. He took a deep breath. "Look Taylor."

"You could have just been honest with me. I would have understood."

"Taylor, when I tried to let you down gently you told me to fuck off and almost broke my door." They were speaking in soft voices away from people. The last thing he needed was people to gossip. "I tried to let you down easy. Look I'm sorry if you got dragged into this drama. My manager told me your name was thrown around."

She smiled. "No harm no foul. I hope you and Sara are taking this well. I mean it's such a private matter and to go have it violated is such a shame"

He shook his head. "We actually are on a break." She gasped. "Oh my god I'm sorry."

"It's whatever, we come from two different worlds. It would have never worked."

She nodded. "Justin, look I'm sorry for how things went down between us and how I acted. I would still love to have our friendship. You wanna have coffee sometime this week? Probably at one of our places is better. We don't need to be photographed out in public."

He smiled. "Well I'm heading back to Florida on a boys trip, then going back to Oregon to see my family for a while."

She nodded. "Well let's not lose touch, you still have my number. Call me if you need a friend outside of football." She squeezed his arm and walked away.

—----------------------------------------------------------------

"I just killed my ex… not the best Idea." Sara sang along to Sza's song as she relaxed in the large marble bathtub in her hotel suite. She and Erika had landed in a Paris a few days earlier. They were there for a couple of weeks to finish up filming before Sara had other media obligations and fashion shows to attend. She did attend a few shows and the after parties, as well as night out with her friends.

This led her to a flirty conversation with The DE of the Bengals. Sam Hubbard. They were messaging back and forth on instagram, with plans to meet up once she was back in LA. She was honest with him, that she didn't want a relationship, neither did he. This was a one night stand, one night of pleasure and crazy sex. Which she lowkey needed. She was over the guilt and didn't care who knew about this. Although she wasn't going to be calling the press, it wasn't like she was going to go the distance to keep it secret. Maybe she did want it to get back at her ex.

The nice part of the past couple weeks she threw herself into filming and hanging out with the Dune cast. So much so that she wasn't eating properly. Timothee brought it up when he noticed she would pick at appetizers and not finish her meal. She wouldn't get any boxes for later.

Also her sleeping schedule was insane. She went beyond and extra with the set crew. Who thought it was just out of niceness and love for the art of filming. Which granted her friends knew she had a genuine passion for the field. But this wasn't healthy.

So much so that when they touched down Sara wanted to explore Paris, but Erika had surprised her with an upgraded suite and suggested a home spa day where they just relaxed. They had a couple of days to adjust to the time change before work. "This is so nice." Sara looked over at Erika who was relaxing on the king sized bed in the bathroom. "Thank you."

Her best friend nodded. "You deserve it." She could see her friend was still hurting over her breakup, but she was getting to be more like herself. Hopefully that didn't change once they got back to Los Angeles.

Erika picked up the hotel phone. "I'm getting room service. What do you want? And don't say nothing. You need food and not just snacks and wine. Sara took a sip of her glass. "Can I have chicken Alfredo?"

Erika nodded and dialed. "With a chocolate croissant!" Her friend laughed.

Sara decided to turn on the Jets and moaned when she bubbles hit a particular  sore spot in her back. They did stunts last week and she landed on her back hard.

As she closed her eyes and melted into the bubbles and let the face mask take over the sound of her phone ringing broke the silence. Sighing, she dried her hand on her bathroom next to her before picking up not bothering to check who it was.

"Hello?"

"Hello Sara Christine." Sara closed her eyes. Of course this would happen. "Hi mom." Erika's head spun in Sara's direction and made an oh shit face. She nodded back.

"Do you have any idea how hard I've been trying to reach you? I've called your cell. I called Erika, your agent. I sent your boyfriend a message on instagram."

"No you didnt." Oh god this was embarrassing especially after everything went done. "Do you know what it was like having my girlfriends ask me how come I didn't tell them you had a serious boyfriend? I had to find out through the damn news!" Sara closed her eyes and pinched her nose. "Mom, l-"

"I'm not done Missy, I read the article. He took you home to visit his family and we couldn't even know about him? Your father and I are hurt, is he from a good family? Is he a good guy at all? Does he treat you right? Oh your parents would know because our daughter just shuts us out"

Sara spoke calmly. "Mom, you were there last time I spoke with dad. Second of all, I didn't say anything to you because you can't keep a secret to save your life. Third, we aren't even seeing each other anymore." There was silence on the other end of the line. " Sara honey we are your family and we love you. Brittany told me that you guys fought last time you spoke. Have you ever thought the reason we never quote paid attention was because you always shut everyone out?"

Sara snorted. "Don't make that noise. It's true, remember when you decided to sign up for the set up crew in sixth grade? You didn't even tell us. Just that you were staying late for extra help." Sara was quiet. Cathy continued. "Then when we would ask about it you would answer with only one word. If you weren't gone prepping for the play you would be at a friend's house or locked in your room on the computer."

Sara thought about it, while some parts were true it didn't make up for certain things. "How come everything my other sisters did were celebrated and I wasnt?"

"Junior year, do you remember when you came home after the state nationals? And there was the keys to your car on the table?"

Sara remembered that night. She was pissed because they left early and made her friend's mom drop her off. "What about it?"

"We left early because we had to get everything together. We were going to surprise you at home with a celebration, then take you to your favorite restaurant with a cake. But you texted us saying you are going out with your friends and we were just left there. And don't get me started on college. You just accepted the UCLA offer and were packing."

"What's your point?"

Cathy sighed. "I know we weren't the most perfect parents. We know now that we made a lot of mistakes by not being the most supportive. But Sara, you make us seem like we are the worst people in the world. We aren't perfect, I acknowledge that we made so many mistakes. But when we did try you just turned your back."

"Mom, did you even watch the fashion show? Did you and dad ever come to my red carpets?"

"You never asked, and I watched. Your dad did, and your sisters. We are so proud of you. You proved everyone wrong, and you never gave up on your dreams."

Sara sighed. "And now I find out that you created this amazing bond with this guy's patents while we have no idea who he is or if he is treating you right. Your dad was ready to get on a plane to Los Angeles or Portland."

Sara wanted to cry "he's from Eugene."

"What are his parents like? His brothers? When can we meet them? Its only fair that we come down when they are in town."

"Mom, we're not together anymore." As if it was the first time she had to say it out loud, fresh tears rolled down her face. "He's not a fame guy. When the article was put out he freaked out and accused me of putting it out on purpose." She didn't want to tell her mom about the other girl drama.

There was a pause. "Oh I'm so sorry honey."

"He said he loved me. I met his family, and he gave me a ring." Cathy took a sharp inhale of breath and Sara clarified "no no not that ring. It was just a special piece."

"Oh thank god." Pause. "I'm so sorry honey. I mean isn't he famous though?" Once Sara explained Justin's dynamics her mom understood more clearly. "Well even then. Maybe he just reacted out of shock. I got to say when Harry came over and there were hundreds of people outside our house! Dad had to build a fence all around our land!" Sara chuckled. "I felt so bad."

"It is overwhelming. But Sara, if he loves you, and I believe he does. He will be back."

"Mom, it's almost been a month." She sniffed. "He really thinks I leaked my own photos for fame. Like he doesn't know anything about me."

"Oh honey. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If he doesn't come back, then it wasn't the right one."

"It just sucks. I feel like I'm a failure. Katie, Alyssa, and Brittany all have these amazing guys and a family. I want that, and I thought this was it. I haven't felt this way about anyone."

Her mom shocked her. "Honey, I love your sister's husband's and I don't want anything to change.. but Sara you have been blessed with the gift of time."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh honey. Your sisters have never been with anyone else. They have never got to experience the world with anyone else. Yeah they have gone on world trips. But they never got to be alone and figure out what they really want. I mean Alyssa began dating Brent in middle school! She's never been alone in her life! And when they broke up for a few months. Your Aunt Vera. No matter how much I hate her, I tried to get her to go out and experience life and her needs and interests. But your sisters are too stubborn. I think there is a little bit of jealousy."

Sara snorted. "Please."

"I'm serious. You didn't listen to the outside noise. Your passion was art and you followed it. You moved all the way across the world not knowing a single soul. You studied abroad in London. Every audition you got rejected from did not deter you. You kept going. You worked all of these odd jobs to make money because your father and I refused to help you. Do you think your sisters really could do that?"

Sara laughed. All of her sisters were educated, but besides Katie and Sara. The others never left Pittsburgh. It was a shock to the family when she told them she had plans to stay in Los Angeles following graduation. They thought the supporting movie roles were not going to lead her anywhere.

Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of her mom crying. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I'm so sorry Sara. I feel like a failure. You were always so independent we felt like you didn't need us.. but you were really crying out for help and you were so independent because we didn't give you what you needed. Your father, I overheard him sobbing a couple times in his study after you fought and again after the article. I think he realizes how bad he was. I'm not asking you to forgive him or reach out. Just know him and I, your sisters. We're sorry we made you feel anything less than special. Because Sara Christine, your star shines so bright and that was all you. So if this Justin guy, can't see that. Then he shouldn't be in your life."

Sara was sobbing now. She never dreamed she would be hearing this from her family. But she had to ask. "Do you think Aunt Willa is jealous? Is that why she treats me the way she does?"

"Probably, I mean her daughter is a failure at life, and she is a miserable old hitch who can't stand your uncle but he makes the big bucks." Cathy and Sara were laughing through the tears. "I think your father holds on to her because she's the only thing he has. He doesn't have a big family like I did. That's no excuse though."

Sara smiled. "Maybe I'll give him a call. Maybe I'll swing by you guys when I get back from my trip."

"We would love that. I won't say anything though. You know Charlie will be calling you everyday. Oh Brittany found out the sex of the baby. She wanted to not open the envelope until you visited in May. So it will be a nice surprise."

Sara smiled. "Yeah it will be. Hey mom?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, and thank you."

"I love you, and I should be thanking you. Please be careful out there. There are so many pickpockets. " Sara rolled her eyes. Like she wouldn't have security. "Sara Christine. I know you're rolling your eyes."

"Guilty." Sara and Cathy hung up and she took a deep breath. Deciding to get out of the cold tub. She dried off and put on her robe before heading to the bedroom where a full spread was out. Erika was digging in. "Are you okay? Was your mom cutting you up again?"

Sara filled her in on the phone call. Then they had their food. As they were eating Sara thought about her mother's words about her sisters never knowing what it was like being alone. Growing up the youngest and being left out alot made her value alone time. Maybe a little too much, but she knew how to be alone. While Justin came into her life and turned it upside down she thought about her old life. She went out a lot, saw her friends, Had her own interests. Thinking about it, she loved Justin? But  there were moments where she felt that he didn't care about her likes or hobbies.

Maybe this was for the best. Justin didn't want the fame while it was necessary for her career while she didn't like it either.

Sara wondered how long it would take to truly feel like the breakup was for the best.

—------------------------------------------------------------

"Hi Justin!" Justin took a sip of his beer and grimaced. He was in A Florida bar with a couple of his buddies that joined him with Gabe. He really didn't want to go out. Instead he wanted to workout, watch some golf, but Gabe and some of the guys wanted to go out so he obliged.

All the guys were out dancing on the floor, trying to pick up girls. He wasn't interested, instead nursing a beer and wanting to go home.

His mind wandered off. He wondered what Sara was doing right now. He kept himself busy over the past few weeks. He didn't let his mind trail off for one second. From the moment he was awake it was workout, football, guys, more football. Justin was even avoiding his family. The articles had dyed down a bit. But now the new narrative was they broke up because of schedules. Which his brother asked tried him about it to which he avoided.

He unfollowed Sara on instagram and privated his account. He wanted to delete it all together but Ashley advised him against it. He saw that she still followed him on her personal as well. Digging through his pockets he found the instagram app and he typed in the name

She had a ring around her profile picture, he didn't click it. He wasn't stupid. He scrolled down to her posts and saw she had posted one a few hours ago. It was her sitting in a luxury bathtub. The location was tagged as Paris. It had over a million likes. There were fellow celebrities in that comment section. He saw Kelce's fire emojis and he felt himself burning a hole into his phone while gripping it harder than usual.  He calmed himself down when he noticed that Sara didn't follow him back or reply to his comment.

As he scrolled through all of them he wondered what it would have been like to be a part of that. Bella and AnnSophie were so nice and down to earth, as well as the rest of her castmates. They just were normal people. He found out that Bella was into animals and farming and they formed a bond over that at her birthday party. He remembered how excited Sara was to find that the two people she loved had the same interests and could connect.

"Hi handsome." He looked up and was met with a pretty girl. She had long brown hair, a gorgeous tan. She was a Florida surfer girl, definitely college age. "May I join you? I don't like to see handsome guys all alone." She sat next to him and he scooted over. Justin didn't want his personal space invaded. The girl however, took it as a sign he was making room for her. "So are you from here?"

She didn't know who he was, shocking. "No I'm visiting from California." She nodded and took a sip of her drink, finishing it. "Oh no I ran out of my favorite." Her long nails clinked against the glass expectedly. Justin was no idiot, he knew she wanted him to buy her a drink, normally he would, maybe flirt a little, take her home if she was cool with it.

He just wasn't feeling it. He had no interest. "You should get another one." He stated. The girl stared at him in disbelief. "Well a lady never gets her own drinks."

She wasn't taking the hint. "I'm going to the bathroom." He got up before she could protest. Justin stayed there for quite a while, looking through Sara's instagram. He wished he had a private account to click on her stories. He typed in ChrisWoz to find her personal account. It was funny, he never looked at it while they were together.

He scrolled, identifying family members she spoke about. Before he let his mind wander he clicked off of it and hoped that girl was gone.

Unfortunately, luck wasn't on his side. She approached him as soon as he exited. "There you are handsome. I hope you were thinking of me." God. Justin rolled his eyes.

She grabbed his hand. "Dance with me."

"Oh, I gotta get back to my hote-" "One dance! Please." The stranger pouted and Justin gave him. Maybe he would get her off his back. He didn't know this girls name, but he didn't want to ask and give her the impression he cared.

The song changed to a remix and Justin recognized the song instantly. It was Post Malone's cover of "I only wanna be with you."  Sara played it in his kitchen while cooking. He laughed and teased her about appreciating the real version. She rolled her eyes and just sung it to him

You and me We come from different worlds You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls Sometimes you're crazy and you wonder why I'm such a baby cause cowboys make me cry. But there's nothing I can do I've been looking for a girl like you.

"Hey!" He looked down at his partner. "You know you have to move when you dance. You're making me look stupid!" Justin looked at the girl who had her arms crossed. He looked to the side and saw that someone had their phone out pointed towards them. He shook his head. "Look I'm sorry but I'm not interested." He walked away. Passing his teammates who called for him.

He just wanted to get back to the hotel —--------------------------------------------------------------

Rumor: sara wozniak is planning a Fleetwood mac tribute in honor of Christine McVie. Word on the street is that Stevie Nicks as well as Jon McVie will perform as well as some others in tribute to the fallen Fleetwood Mac member. It's no secret the recently single star is a big fan of the band. She was named after McVie and the song 'Sara'. Her representatives have not responded to us.

Sara rolled her eyes, "what does being single have to do with anything?" She was on a conference call with Heidi and Alex. She had just gotten back to the hotel from the Fendi fashion show. Still in full makeup and outfit she just wanted to go to bed. They finished up Dune and had a cast dinner the night before at the Eiffel Tower. Everyone looked radiant, and the laughs and drinks were flowing. She and Timothee took tons of photos together, speculation of dating as usual ran through the gossip blogs. They always rolled their eyes. They would always be good friends, besides Timothee felt that Sara really loved this Justin guy, and he hoped that the idiot came to his senses.

He didn't tell her that when they left the restaurant.

Getting through the next day was hell. All the fashion shows with cameras. She sat next to Kylie Jenner and was pleasantly surprised at how nice the younger girl was. Nothing like her older sister, who gave her the cold shoulder. Kendall was always stuck up. But once Sara and Harry were a thing the attacks were nastier, it was the dirty looks, the sneers underneath her breath. Sara usually shot back some insults, but not that day since there were cameras.

Once she was out of her dress and jewelry and the stylist took it back to the fashion house. She removed her pounds of makeup and washed her face. She found herself scrolling instagram, as Erika turned on some French television show with subtitles.

She went on Justin's page and saw that his circle was highlighted. He unfollowed her as soon as they broke up, but she never bothered. She wondered if it was too late, since everyone seemed to forget about those two for the next big news. She didn't want to stir up anything.

Sara clicked on his mentions, there were photos he was tagged in by fans. It appeared he was down in Florida visiting a friend. He had told her about a former teammate living down there after being cut.

Justin looked good, she had to give him that. There was a video posted and she clicked it.  There was a girl dancing around him while he was stiff as a board. No doubt she probably forced him on the floor. Sara felt painfully embarrassed for the girl. Justin wasn't moving, and wasn't interested. In some weird way that made her smile.  

Glad to see he's having fun. She thought. She wanted to call him so badly. Wanted to hear his voice and explain herself. She tried to go out and party, flirted with a couple guys at the show. But it just wasn't what she wanted. As she went to pick up her phone to message Sam about meeting up for one night of fun, she thought the better of it. Would it really cure her heartbreak?

Before she could get off her phone she had a call notification. She didn't recognize the number. Deciding to throw caution to the wind she answered it. "Hello?"

"You're throwing a Fleetwood Mac to Christine McVie and didn't think to tell me about it? I'm hurt."

She sighed. Wishing she didn't answer. Why was she stupid sometimes?

"Hello Harry."

[nikethestatue]

What do you think about the friendship between the Inner Circle? I liked them in ACOMAF but after Mor's coming out I really don't know what to think of them. Also with the way they behaved in SF towards Feyre, it has made me doubt that they care about her outside of her being Rhysand's mate.

I also didn't get the point of adding Tamlin in ACOFAS and then letting us know about how he was upset by the news of Feyre's pregnancy. It just feels unnecessary? Like why is he still there? What does he bring to the story?

I don't know what to think of them.

I think there is an automatic disbalance in their relationship, because Rhysand will always be their High Lord and they had to take an actual oath to serve him.

If Rhysand can come to Azriel and order him to stand down from Elain, for political reasons, then that's really not brotherhood? That's just a boss telling his underlink what to do, and not just around work, but also personal life. Furthermore, it also extends to their treatment of Feyre, which is totally shitty, if you think about it. Not only is she their supposed friend, she is also their High Lady, and their absolute loyalty should extend to her as well, yet, they all were perfectly fine hiding a massive secret from her and following Rhys's order.

Basically, you can't serve 2 masters equally and it was very apparent in ACOSF.

The whole Mor thing is general is just inexplicable and bizarre. Her treatment of Cassian and Azriel, her treatment of Azriel specifically, her inability to open up to these people who are supposed to be super close to her and whom she'd trust with her life, then Rhys's treatment of her in regards to Eris, her ongoing shitty treatment of Feyre, etc. At this point, I don't even understand what this character is and why she is the way she is, any of her motivations or alliances. She is very very odd to me. Is she going to turn bad? I hope so, because then at least something will make sense. She is supposed to be this warrior boss bitch, and she is nothing but a hysterical, moody, manipulative alcoholic with a chip on her shoulder.

I think the IC needs to regroup, have clear delineation of power and authority, stop trying to be a 'family' and be a work council for the Court, and just live their own lives separate from each other's influence. Rhys and Feyre are a family and are rulers, and that's what they should be. Cassian is responsible for the army, Azriel for intelligence--that's what they should do. Not sure what Amren and Mor do, especially Amren and why she serves as the Second. Also, she is Rhys's Second? Is the Feyre's? If Feyre wants to fire or demote her, can she? If we can't answer these questions immediately, that tells you everything about Feyre's power in that Court.

Also, they should ALL be in relationships by now, AND have friends outside of their circle. At 550 to 15,000 years of age, it's time to branch out.

[grapenehifics]

I’m rereading Solsbury Hill but this is the first time I’ve read it since all chapters have been published. Anyways, I enjoy of how you write Satine and Obi-Wan’s relationship especially with Anakin like I’d say you did so much better than The Clone Wars writers. I do remember all that’s going to happen and how slow Obikin eventually do happen, but it’s definitely worth the slow burn because it’s so palatable of how much they already love and care for each other. I do hope you write more long form Obikin.

(Sorry for the paragraph wall)

But I love your paragraph wall!

This is an extremely roundabout way to get to my point, but if you'll indulge me in a quick personal story: I once dated someone who looked me dead in the eye and called Boromir a villain. And it was such a ridiculous thing to say that I laughed, because it had to be a joke, and said something like, 'Oh, yeah, sure, just like Darth Vader is a villain,' and she said, 'Yes??' like *I* was the one who was confused, here. Like there couldn't possibly be any other way to read those two characters. And maybe that's a weird thing to break up over but that was the exact moment when I knew we weren't going to work out. Because besides a lack of basic media literacy - both those franchises are pretty goddamn clear about who the villains are, and it's neither of those two characters - it just showed such a startling lack of sympathy and empathy and grace and curiosity about how the world works and other people's lives and experiences.

All of that to say - Solsbury Hill has no villain except Palpatine, because real life doesn't actually have very many villains, it just has people, and I was never ever going to villainize Satine, or Padmé, or even Anakin at his lowest point when he's being incredibly shitty to the people who love him. Was there technically room in the story for Anakin to be jealous of Satine's relationship with Obi-Wan, or for Obi-Wan to be jealous that Padmé's married to Anakin when he isn't, yes, of course. But it's never that black-and-white, right? Satine is stubborn and smart and sarcastic and loyal and so is Obi-Wan. If Anakin likes those things in Obi-Wan - and he does - he is at least smart enough to, even if it's grudgingly, recognize that Obi-Wan fell in love with her for a reason, and Anakin can respect the fact that Satine loves Obi-Wan, because he believes so strongly that Obi-Wan is worth loving. And maybe Anakin and Padmé's marriage was hasty and ill-thought out, but marriage is 50-50, and if Obi-Wan can extend Anakin enough grace to say, it's okay to make a mistake, then he has to extend that same courtesy to Padmé.

The other really big point I hope comes across, is that Star Wars, besides being about mercy and forgiveness and second chances, is about community. That was the whole point of the ice bath story in Solsbury Hill - not just that one instance but every part of the first 24 chapters was there to say, sure, on some level these two boys relying on each other for everything is kind of adorable. On another level, though - and it got worse as the chapter count climbed - it was an absolute mess. They were in need of so much help and were not getting it. They needed support, they needed community, they needed help.

Palpatine's whole deal, in every version of the character, is that he tries to isolate Anakin, remove him from his support system, make him feel alone. That's specifically what the Jedi Order is there to prevent - it may be no one's biological family but it is absolutely a community. Star Wars says it over and over again: it's Han Solo's character arc, it's Lando's, it's Din Djarin's, it's Rey's, hell, pick anybody. People are not meant to be alone, and I say this as someone who is super, super far toward the introvert end of the scale. Anakin and Obi-Wan didn't start getting better until they added more people to their team, or family, or whatever you want to call it. Obi-Wan outright says it at Anakin's (first) wedding. The whole story built up to a wedding because I wanted an excuse to show just how many people showed up for them, and how stark a contrast that was to where they started out. They have kids. They have exes. They have friends. They have colleagues. (And therapists and prescription medication.)

Part of the reason this story is so goddamn long is because I wanted a happy ending, and I could not realistically give them a happy ending if they'd gotten together any earlier in the story. Anakin was, to use a very clumsy metaphor, way at the bottom of the pyramid of needs, and having a stable romantic relationship is way at the top. He needed to learn basic friendship (starting with Obi-Wan and Satine) before he could...level up, I guess? Anakin needed to unlearn this - erroneous - idea that love is finite and that if Obi-Wan gives some away to Satine, he'll run out of love for Anakin. And he needed the time to see that that wasn't the case.

Anyway. I've gone on too long. (That's the other reason Solsbury Hill is so long, is that I personally cannot stop talking.) The upshot is, thank you for putting in the time to read and love this story, and thank you for telling me that you enjoy it. I loved writing it, and it makes me happy that anyone else is getting something out of it too :)

[bookshelf-dust]

Hi, babygirl. Just wanted to drop by and tell you how proud I am of you. I used to self harm and it's so, so hard to let it go. That being said, I know how difficult it is to hear people joke about it, especially when you don't know how to bring it up. I knew someone who would make countless jokes about killing herself and it bothered me a lot bc it was something I thought about every day. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that, no one deserves to have to put up with it, you most of all.

There's a couple of things you could do. You could confront the person in private and be honest with them, tell them hearing jokes like that bothers you. You don't have to tell them the reason it bothers you but it might make them more empathetic and drive home why they need to stop. If it's multiple people making these jokes I'd ask the person to help you tone the others down too and suggest them talking to the others in private as well.

If you don't think they'd be receptive to you asking them to stop, you might have to distance yourself from these people/this person. I recently did this with a few people I used to work with bc they either drank a lot or smoked pot a lot and they constantly were posting about it on social media. I didn't want to see that every day so I unfriended/unfollowed them. One person asked me why and I was honest with her. I told her she had a right to live her life the way she wanted but it seemed like she was always drinking and I didn't necessarily want to see it. She replied with an, "okay" and that was that. Do I want her to change her habits and be more responsible? Absolutely. But all I can do is put the thought in her head, I can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I can control what I subject myself to, just like we have the option on tumblr to block tags or people. If only we could block people in real life! 💀

I think sometimes we just have to set boundaries for ourselves when we can't set boundaries with others, you know? A lot of people are understanding and when you're honest with them, they'll usually rectify the situation and change their habits if it's brought to their attention they might be unknowingly ragging on someone else. But then again, a lot of people are just...mean nowadays, too. If you think this person might be like that, I'd recommend getting as far away from them as possible. You do not need people like that in your life my love.

Anyway, I hope this helped, even if a little. I love you so much Savannah. 🫂🖤✨️

this was really sweet of you, steph. i honestly needed it more than you know.

so far it’s just been one incident, and it was with my immediate family, who have no idea about my self harm and who i am not in any way ready to talk to about it. it was a passing statement about it, but i think it smacked me in the face? like, these people who are supposed to take care of me don’t know i’m doing this thing and don’t know that i’m hurting.

i’ve been working on it with my therapist, but i suppose i hadn’t considered it being mentioned like it was? and i know one day it’s gonna come up, especially because i’m planning to get a tattoo over the spot where i have scars. my extended family have also made jokes about it in the past, so it just feels like a shitty hand all around. but i’m trying my best to take it one day at a time, and if it gets to a point where i have to confront it, i know my worth and i know some people just don’t understand.

i love you so so so much, steph. thank you for always supporting me even with stuff like this 🫶

[thoughtsbeewild]

Lets talk about Shadyness of Uber Drivers and Riders-Lots of Liars out there and People who are low in money want to steal your money? Surviving Biden corrupted USA..shit doesnt get real than this...

Why is this happening? Because YOU fuckers out there corrupted installed the dominion USA senile lying unelected by people President Biden to USA. There we should see more visibility of BAD LEADERSHIP WHO ARE MORE INTO MONEY, POWER AND CONTROL WHICH LEADS TO TRILLIONS OF LAYOFFS, HOMELESS NESS, INFLATION, HOMICIDE, HIGH CRIME, HIGH BURGLARY, THEFT, AGRESSIVE HOMICIAL MANIACS RELEASED FROM PRISON, MENTAL ILLNESS PRISONERS WHO ARE ON AN ANGRY VIOLENT RAGE TO ATTACK, ALL THE CRAZYNESS TO SURVIVING IS THIS WORLD.

now these leadership fuckers are trying to place homeless cabins near community's, nice residents. Yeah the stupid commonsense that people don't see in that proposal by these corrupted leaders who preach they are saving these homeless people like superheroS TO THE PUBLIC EYE TO THE WOKE ONE SIDED NEWS MEDIA WHO HAS ALL POWER TO BRAINWASH YOUR DUMBASS (WATCH THE BOYS AMAZON SHOW TO GET AN IDEA). Result in that, is hello Robbery, theft, burglary. You take a homeless person with nothing and have them next to a family with nice car, home with all the goodies, ya dont think mentally they can come in at night just break in, attack you, murder you and your family just get a TASTE OF YOUR LIFE YOU BUILD. yes fuck these Lying leaders.

But this is not the topic of what i want to talk about. UBER IS GETTING SCANDOULOUS WITH HIRING CORRUPTED DRIVERS. Just witnessing and using this stupid uber app and having access to the GPS.

Uber Driver in order to make more money from the agreed upon charge, what I notice this happened over 10 drivers who done this to me, they would drive a different way to extend the distance which is the miles that is calculated from agreed payment. If thier are more miles, YOU AS THE AGREED PAYER WOULD GET CHARGED ON YOUR CARD FROM UBER. That's pretty shitty coming from a uber DRIVER, HOW DOES THAT ESTABLISH "TRUST"(WHICH WE NO LONGER HAVE WITH THESE PEOPLE IN POWER).

WITH UBER AND THIER CORRUPTED DRIVERS TRYING MAKE MORE MONEY OFF YOU. '

ATTENTION PEOPLE

WE LIVE IN BIDEN AMERICA WHERE THAT IS WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO SURVIVE, TO PREVENT BEING HOMELESS, TO HELP YOUR FAMILY, KIDS, SIBLINGS. ETC. THESE UBER FUCKER DRIVERS THINK THEY ARE SLICK.

NOT JUST UBER DRIVERS, THE RIDERS, DEPENDING IF YOUR AT EVENT, A BIG CROWD, RIDERS WILL USE YOUR NAME TO GET YOUR UBER DRIVER RIDER BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO MONEY, BROKE AND NEED TO GET HOME OR WHATEVER NARNIA THEY LIVE.

I FEEL PEOPLE THINK WE ARE STUPID. I HOPE THERE PEOPLE SMART ENOUGH OUT THERE TO MAKE AWARENESS TO SURROUNDINGS AND HELP EACH OTHER FROM THE CORRUPTION WE ARE SUFFERING, GOING THROUGH IN THIS CHALLENGING FUCKING WORLD.

IF PEOPLE NEED MONEY, GO ATTACK THOSE THIRSTY ATTENTION WHORES ON INSTAGRAM HOW THEY ARE WHINING DINING, TRAVELING THE FUCKING WORLD DOING NOTHING BUT POSTING FOR FUCKING FOLLOWERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA, GO ATTACK THEM , GET THIER PASSWORD AND STEAL THIER LIFE SINCE ALL THEY DO IS BRAG, TAKE SELFIES TO MAKE OTHER HUMANS WHO ACTUALLY WORK HARD TO TRY HAVE A SUSTAINABLE LIFE. I WILL HAPPY MARKET THRISTY INSTAGRAM FACEBOOK WOMEN AND MAN WHORES FOR YOU!!!

[lingeringscars]

⭐ as is tradition

Akilah- gigi because I think I could put her in yj if I think about it and there is something about her quickly viewing violence as a means to an end vs akilah not even picking up a weapon, ryan. i still don't know how we'll do that without creating a whole sep verse just for them or akilah lives au but yeah <3, leoni. oh you know nothing about this but YEAH THEM. she's actually described as walking sunshine but also has contributed to destruction. she's devoted her life to helping other people because she was saved from death + as a result someone died to help her. as for yj chars, I feel like we don't talk about shauna as much. and then gen.

Travis- if i don't say shauna here who even am i? can't explain this one as well but my gut does say percy too. or maybe i just miss him. I do think harper and travis would be really interesting because she has that directness and kindness where she'd be like dude wtf at his outbursts while also extending empathy to him bc she's been there re taking shit out on other people esp after dads dying. she would also initially want to help look for javi but would taper off as more time went by and it became unlikely he was still alive rip. tyler. that same teenage boy anger at the world, shitty fathers, not able to regulate emotions well and reactionary because of that. ryan. feeling responsible for siblings deaths. he's really good at just adapting to whatever needs you have so if you wanna talk or sit and drink or explode he got u travis. miller. being part of the in group to survive.

Melissa- shauna and van because there is so little and we can go wild thinking about it. her and spencer would have played a sport together or like if we stick with rival team, would have met against each other across multiple sports growing up. melissa would you have tried field hockey at some point. also harper. they can be snarky together. then ofc mari and gen. akilah vc: duh.

Allie- layla is my gut reaction because of how they were supposed to be somewhere that turned disastrous (the plane crash, her mom's car crash). i think allie would get completely on her nerves though and would Try to be understanding because it is a vicarious trauma while also like oh my god i can't stand you. christian would be like oh my god you weren't on the fucking plane. sorry allie. lydia. i'm not really sure with this one i was just thinking about them being tertiary to some stuff but still affected by it.

Van- finch or hope m if just because I am thinking about landon and van being friends. i just think while you were streaming would be such an important place for spencer but also going to the movies and parents that don't notice you weren't home. maddie because needing to be the one that takes on that caretaker role and isn't taken care of when they need it, running, etc. thinking about van & rachel having different arcs almost. them both going through something traumatic that results in a disability but while van becomes harder and deflects with humor, rachel leans more into humor and becomes lighter and freer. gen & shauna. harper + mothers that don't really notice you're gone. she wouldn't understand most of the pop culture references and would ask. like mari. love u van sorry about that. emma duval. reclaiming identities, disdain for modern technology after All That, almost dying 432 times. lucy and van should hook up.

Jessica- christian/adrian/sonya. i can see her having connections to their powerful families, basically. being hired to manage things by christian's extended family, covering up adrian's escapades, sonya's fall. idk! same with tyler. his dad was mayor so. you sent a meme for melinda but yeah her & may. doing what needs to get done, i can see her getting mixed up with shield stuff too. michael bishop because this reeks of nikita. lmao spencer. her loose connection to the team so trying to talk to her like those at the beginning of the pilot but like. she's been through shit of her own because of A so she's not gonna talk about that or the yj team but also that being a whole other thing.

Hayden- kaley. idk they could meet at college or something. striving for independence. christian. moving after traumatic events, family member (sister, aunt) that means everything to you and helped raise you. JAYMEE. they could have worked together but also they just have a lot in common. i have zero thoughts about lydia/hayden in yj but like why not. all <3 gen, shauna, van, nat, mari. jenna. jenna studying psychology and hayden for social work.

Callie- hey cal wanna meet your mom's friends? kaley, ryan. just want her to have friends. also they would listen to her talk if she ever wanted to do that. christian. family secrets are the hardest kind are they not? sally because closeted lesbians who sometimes do the wrong thing because they're just trying to cope with their families. thea because navigating Life. Mariana also understands going through it because of family drama. don't know how to explain it but lydia and callie + the way they interact with their moms. oh also emma duval and the way your mom's life comes for you personally (sorry maggie ily).

@itchose sent ⭐for potential dynamic combinations / always accepting