#i have taken more than 1 step today lmao i just keep forgetting to keep my phone in my pocket

[deeisace]

Lmao guess who's been asleep (or with Red Dwarf on) all day

[thinkingisadangerouspastime]

(pt 1) i really enjoy all your atla analyses & you've done a great job breaking down the usual arguments re how eip shows that kataang shouldn't have happened. i'm curious about your take on one specific argument that i just saw today, in an analysis of the show by a zker that was otherwise quite good and respectful (i know you've already talked about eip a lot, so no problem if you don't feel like rehashing). the premise: aang didn't just pressure katara in eip, he threatened her.

(pt 2) they point to when katara joins aang & asks if he’s alright: “aang: no, i’m not! i hate this play! katara: i know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting. aang: overreacting? if i hadn’t blocked my chakra, i’d probably be in the avatar state right now!” the suggestion is he’s threatening her when he says ‘i’d probably be in the avatar state right now’ to describe his anger. i think this take exaggerates and oversimplifies it, but interested in your thoughts on it.

Hello my friend!! It is true I am Old inside and don’t like rehashing dhdlksjslks BUT your comments on my posts are always incredibly kind and insightful so I am more than willing to do a bit of rehashing for you 🥰 Besides! I’ve seen this general take before a few times and it’s always irked me for the exact reason you point out - it simultaneously exaggerates and oversimplifies the situation (and honestly that’s an impressive duality since it’s seemingly contradictory, so hats off to them lmaooo) - and now is as good a time as any to address it. So, for starters, let’s go ahead and get the excerpt they love to focus on so much:

Cut to Aang standing alone on a balcony. Katara enters and walks up to him.

Katara: Are you all right?

Aang: [Angered.] No, I’m not! I hate this play! [Yanks his hat off and throws it on the ground.]

Katara: I know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting.

Aang: Overreacting? If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!

Here’s the thing about so-called analyses of this excerpt: in a manner extremely convenient to the poster, they never seek to contextualize this moment. (I mean, to do so would deplatform their entire “argument” - perhaps that’s why they avoid performing a full analysis?) So let’s avoid that pitfall from the start.

Firstly, below are some links to related posts; I’m going to do my best to summarize the most relevant parts, but for anyone who desires greater detail, I gotchu 😤

This post explains why EIP (the play, lol) is imperialist propaganda and is intended to belittle the entire Gaang.

This post explains how Aang never acted “entitled” to Katara’s affections, particularly in regard to EIP.

This post breaks down the infamous EIP kiss like Snopes Fact Checker, covering common misconceptions, important perspectives to consider, etc.

Alright. With that out the way, it’s time for some context.

Aang and Katara have this conversation on the balcony after watching 95% of “The Boy in the Iceberg,” a play chock-full of Fire Nation propaganda that demeans the entire Gaang in order to prop up the Fire Nation as superior (hence why the play ends with Ozai’s victory). Here is my general breakdown of Aang and Katara’s treatment in particular from a previous post:

- katara, an indigenous woman, is highly sexualized and portrayed as overly dramatic and tearful, because the fire nation objectifies women not of their own people and views them as less intelligent and less emotionally stable

- aang, the avatar, the sole survivor of the fire nation’s genocide of the air nomads who is incredibly in-touch with his spirituality and femininity, is portrayed as an overly-airy and immature woman. the fire nation portrays him with a female actor to demean him (like, that’s classic imperialistic propagandist tactics) and furthermore writing his character as a childish airhead reinforces the fire nation sentiment that the air nomads were weak, foolish people who did not deserve to exist in their world

In other words, these kids have just watched almost an entire play that preys upon their insecurities and depicts them using racist and sexist stereotypes about their respective nations. It is completely understandable that tensions might run a little high and that their interactions would not be as balanced as usual (Katara and Aang have a great track record of communicating well with each other, as it happens!).

So we have to keep that in mind when examining the aforementioned excerpt. But there are other factors to consider, too! Namely: they are kids. Children. Teens. Aang is 12, Katara is 14.

If we want to be scientific, a person’s brain doesn’t finish developing until they are 25, lmao, and the preteen/teen years are when the prefrontal cortex that controls “rationality,” “judgement,” “forethought,” etc. is still developing. This doesn’t mean Aang and Katara are irrational and make poor decisions 24/7 (obviously not), but it does mean that in an intense, highly emotional situation, like after watching a play that intentionally demeans them and depicts them as inferior, they are more likely to overreact, more likely to be emotional, and more likely to make mistakes. Like, I’m serious, lol. “Teens process information with the amygdala.” That’s part of the brain that helps control emotions! It’s why teens sometimes struggle to articulate what we’re thinking, especially in situations that require instinct/impulse and quick decisions, because we’re really feeling whenever we make those choices. Acting more on emotion. Our brains simply haven’t finished developing the decision-making parts, lmao.

In sum: Aang and Katara are both kids, not adults, and should be interpreted as such. This doesn’t negate their intelligence, because they are both incredibly smart and Aang is arguably the wisest of the Gaang, but they are human. Young humans. They have emotions, and we should not be so cruel as to assume they’d never act on them.

So taking that all together, we can now acknowledge the high stress Aang and Katara are under, understand why they might be upset (*cough* imperialist propaganda is hurtful *cough*), and examine how their youth might play into their emotional reactions. And funny thing - all analyses that come to the conclusion of Aang “threatening” Katara here do not usually bother with this context. I can’t imagine why!

And you know what, let’s add one more piece of context: Sokka states that Aang left the theater “like, ten minutes ago,” which is what cues Katara to go look for him on the balcony. The reason I mention this line is because to me, it suggests Aang knew he was more worked up than usual! He chose to separate himself from his friends so he could process his frustration! He did not take his anger at the play out on them; instead, he purposefully took time and space to be alone.

With that in mind, I don’t understand at all how Aang’s Avatar state quote could be interpreted as a threat? Canonly, Aang is someone who was aware enough of his frustration to separate himself from the others - yet the logical next step is him threatening Katara as a result? He knew his intense emotions were because of the play (which he says himself), so the logical conclusion is that he then pinned the fault on Katara? What?? Sorry, that interpretation has no textual basis, lmao. But I digress!

Aang tells Katara, “If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!” As you said, this is the line people point to in an attempt to justify their (baseless) conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. So let’s bring in the two key pieces of context: imperialist propaganda and age. Given that Aang is 12, and given that Aang has just watched almost a full play that demeans him and everything his people stood for (and let’s not forget it also mocks his and Katara’s love for each other)…

His reaction is understandable. An exaggeration and needlessly dramatic, but understandable. He feels vulnerable and insecure and Aang is human. He is human and flawed and he overreacts here and I love that A:TLA shows how even our heroes, even people who are truly good at heart and in soul, can get overly upset (especially given the aforementioned circumstances!). Would Aang actually be in the Avatar state at that moment, had it been possible? Of course not! He’s young and he’s hurt and as such he says something dramatic to convey his anxieties and frustrations. The line is not meant to be taken literally, and seeing people do so despite all the factors that should be taken into consideration when analyzing it… Cue a long, tired sigh from me and so many other A:TLA fans.

And to be honest? I cannot fathom how people watch this episode and come to the conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. To me, this episode - besides being a recap episode - is one that humanizes our cast even further. Aang snaps at Katara, kisses her when he shouldn’t (which the story appropriately treats as wrong). Katara pushes down her true feelings and retreats into herself, afraid to start a relationship with the boy she loves because she’s already lost him once before and can’t bear to do so again. Zuko further confronts the hurt he’s enacted upon others, especially upon Iroh. Toph practices being vulnerable and accepting vulnerability from others by conversing with Zuko. Sokka witnesses how others have erased his contributions and labelled him as nothing more than the token nonbender in the group. Even Suki learns that she is not the only person who holds a place in Sokka’s heart and that she can never replace what he has lost.

To watch this episode where our heroes must come to terms with how the Fire Nation deems them inherently inferior, with how they have more fights to overcome in the future with the Fire Nation than a single war, and to come to the conclusion that… that what, Aang is abusive? A monster? Irredeemable? That he would threaten his best friend, someone he loves in every way?

Wow. That says more than enough about the viewer, doesn’t it?

[stellaestra]

how would stray kids interact with mc in high school if they ever met? // high school au headcanons [stray kids/reader]

pairing: skz hyung line + mc [reader]

description: who would mc interact with in high school if they ever met? what kind of interactions would they have? // bulletpoints headcanons + small snippets

genre: platonic, high school au, friendship, humour, hurt/comfort

author’s note: this could be a stand alone or not, the mc is the same bodyguard/intern au!mc...it's just a "what ifs" kinda thing, fellas

p.s. some of the scenarios are based off real life events that happened to me in high school but i overly exaggerated some of them for the shit and giggles,, tell me which event actually happened to me in the askbox lmao I'm curious

pls I'm funny i swear

cw: minor swearing, just teenagers being teenagers, idiots, mention of blood (?) uhh mentions of violence (??)

unedited

// no beta read, we’ll die like men

---

bang chan

mc is a '00 liner,

she doesn't interact with her seniors pt.1

to interact with them; it would have to be a school event or a collab project between the seniors and the juniors

possibly would be approached first by chan during sports day or a school festival for something

he thought that she's a pretty decent track runner when he saw sprint during the sports day track event

after that incident, chan would greet her in the hallways or wherever if he ever comes across her

mc would always awkwardly greet him back

“hey! you’re that really fast track runner, you did great that day!” chan complimented her in the hallways. out loud.

mc prays to whoever above there that chan would stop talking so loud as she could feel her face burn when she felt eyes on her.

cue to her awkwardly smiling at him and nodding, “yep, that’s me, yes, alright, senior chan.”

chan finds her adorable ever since that first few encounters

he also found out that she hangs out with felix just as much as he does

(love rivals (for felix) arc when)

he doesn’t know who to be envious of

that mc gets to spend so much time with lix or

felix being able to spend so much time with her

the never-ending saga

(love rivals (for felix) arc turned into possible rivals to friends arc)

(okay, im joking)

their respective friends group made a running joke

about how chan and mc are love rivals for felix

(it eventually became theirs as well)

(it's funny)

once he made her go off-tangent about felix

she was really passionate about his freckles and smile

for a moment

he really did think that she has a crush on him

no surprises there tho

felix IS absolutely cute

(friends arc?? omg, all for felix, HA)

he really really finds her adorable

he could go on for days

esp her little habit of covering her mouth when she speaks

sweater paws bc he almost always sees her with a jacket on even if it was a hot day

it's like a second skin on her

he once asked her if she ever removes her jacket

“only when im on school ground or during school events like assembly, i’ll take it off, senior chan.”

“eh? don’t you feel warm underneath that during a hot day?”

“...i do remove it sometimes, i guess...but i like wearing it bc it’s comforting.”

one time chan saw her without her jacket and wears short-sleeves uniform, he really wanted to shower her in his affections n also it’s such a rare sight that he almost couldnt recognized her

“haha hey, you didn’t wore your jacket today!”

“they’re in the laundry and...today’s a hot day...unfortunately, haah.”

he once tried to ruffle her hair but found her dodging his hand so fast at breakneck speed

that he was kinda concerned

she told him that her hair hasn't been washed yet so it's dirty

but the thing is: she told him every time he tried to ruffle her hair

“you’re not letting me pat your head on purpose.”

“senior chan, i wouldn’t do such a thing.” he noticed the little teasing smile before it disappeared.

he wondered briefly if she has always been this playful and cheeky with others her age

chan is aware that she speaks formally towards him out of habit though so he lets it slide and let her take her time growing comfortable with him.

he knew she was lying but let's her be anyway

bc she's his cute little junior

---

lee minho

another case of mc's "no seniors juniors interaction"

minho’s very attractive so mc will definitely avoid him at all cost

plus, he looks intimidating to her so bye bye

to not step on any of her classmates' landmines that has the hots for him

drama isn't her thing, she already witness a handful and even got thrown into the fire as fuel before

no thank you she liked having her life in high school as peaceful as possible

mc would make her conversations with him very short n blunt

she's not gonna catch anyone's hands today, my dudes

really, she doesn’t

minho thinks of her like a small kitten that needs to be taken care of

bc of how she always scutters away from chan whenever he’s with him

if they ever interact

it would be when the juniors have the collab with their seniors

like a science fair, where the students have to come up with things to showcase

his class coincidentally collabs with her class for that particular event

he told chan about it and he have never seen chan pout and deflate like that

the only person he does that to is felix...if not, it’s jeongin.

chan sure adores this little junior other than felix huh…

then again, felix and mc does hangout a lot and so does jisung and her

so he took this chance as to know more abt her

coughs because jisung seems to be talking a lot about her coughs

(minho + mc love rivals (for jisung) arc pt. 2 when)

(mc really about to fight 2 seniors because she's stealing their respective juniors huh)

(the never-ending saga of love rivals)

he approached her inside that shared classroom for the collab event

she looked constipated when he approached her group of friends

even more so when he directly asked for name and whatnot

it kinda made him want to tease her even more now

he found out her name and what they were planning to do

heard her cursing under her breath

he decided to join their group on the whim

found out that mc is just a little shy whenever he approached her

her friends are somewhat protective of her

he got glared at by one of them once when he wanted to greet mc in the hallways

and mc kind of hid half of herself behind them

so whenever she’s on her own, he would try to approach her as slowly as possible

like. dealing with a cat and you’re a stranger trying to gain their trust

what he never will forget nor stop teasing her was about

her spinning on her heels to walk into the direction she was previously coming from

just to avoid him

he couldn't help but find it hilarious

he won her over when he brings the topic of cats wandering around their school campus

saw how her eyes lit up brightly

“the stray cats here are fun to play with, right?”

“yeah, me and friends decided to name a few of them too!”

he mentioned it to her because he saw her playing with the cats when she was waiting for someone or when she has time to play with them during recess

and the ramblings of a high schooler about cats commences

he wasn’t bothered about how much she talked

would nod along with what she says

because wow, shes really passionate about cats

that's a huge bonus for minho

and that was how minho adopted another kitten

whenever they weren’t busy with their own things, they would play with the cats together

playdate with cats <3

she would tell him that one particular grey cat was called

“this cat’s name is miss universe! they’re so cute, right?” she picked the cat up and cuddle with it, eyes sparkling with joy

“why did you guys name them that?”

“because why not?”

“fair enough point.”

and she laughs

he was glad that she stopped being so cautious around him if he was being honest

since the way chan was talking about her so affectionately made him really curious about her

casually mentions that jisung talks about her a lot

expected her to be bashful about it

but all she does was

“oh, cool, what did he say? I’m a weeb? Hah, he’s the same as I am” + "he should've said to it my face, senior minho, hmph"

so making her flustered backfired on him

poor minho

here’s your “you tried” star

mwah

so yeah, minho adopted a new cat (his little junior)

---

seo changbin

same case as the two above, unfortunately

if they do ever interact, it's short and pleasantries

mc does kinda find him intimidating to certain extent

she's not good with dealing with intimidating looking people

but when he smiles, her shoulders feel less tense when she interacts with him

thinks of him as a pretty cool senior

he made her listen to his rap once n she told him that he's so cool n that stuck with him for days

imagine a junior telling you that you're so cool with that starry-eyed expression

your ego would go off the rooftop

after that, changbin would make it out of his way to greet her in the hallways

RAP MUSIC BUDDIES???? POTENTIAL

pat her on the head occasionally

if she doesn't dodge like hell away from his hands

“why do you keep avoiding them”

“no, don’t pat me, you’re treating me like a cat”

“I’m not?” lies, ever since minho told him that she reminds him of a cat, he really thought about it more

“you have that same look minho gives me when he tries to pat me…hyung…”

“we’re really going to make you call us oppa one day, watch us”

“um, yeah, no.”

“let your cute senior pat your head!!”

“im gonna run away!”

he knows that the younger ones in their friend group do interact with her

esp felix and jisung

for innie’s circumstances, that’s different

she does comes to him every once in awhile to abuse her title of his cute little junior to get a chance to listen to a teaser of his raps or songs he composes

found out that she does like rap songs! a lot more than he thought

they became those friends who shares new songs they found out and share it with each other

even at ungodly hours like 2am in the morning

that would not stop them

“this song reminds me of you”

“hey hey hey listen to this, psst”

“This shit SLAPS, go listen or else im gonna fight you in the school hallway, coward”

he became smug about it and boast about his knowledge to 3racha

jisung complained that he thought she only listened to anime songs or soft indie songs because he saw her playlists before

changbin told them that she has other playlists that’s for more “intense and aggressive” songs

they were floored and the conversation starts like this,

“what do you mean she likes listening to yours and ours music and raps?”

“im not kidding, she does! she even showed me her playlists that were filled with rap, rock and metal songs!!”

“my little mc? likes those songs? are you sure you’re not dreaming?”

“it’s a public playlist, i even followed her playlists”

“If you’re wrong, hyung, im really gonna fight you on this! bc I KNOW her first”

“doesn’t mean that you know her BETTER”

lots of petty bickerings

chan and jisung has a big revelation about mc that day at school

(there goes mc’s little rep within their group of friends)

he did warned them to not tell her that he told them about it and

that they actually are aware of her music taste

or else

she tried to rap really fast one time, trying to rap like how he does

he had to witness her biting her tongue live

changbin would never think someone like her would have

such a vulgar language

every profanity he knows came out of her mouth

he quickly got her something to soothe her wounded tongue

after fretting over her though, he started teasing her

relentlessly

she threatened to sue him

"I'll sue you"

"with what money?"

"my 2 fucking dollars lunch money!"

"that's not enough to pay anything, not even your attorney!"

"fight me!"

he’s that older brother figure that mc would come to whenever she has no one to tell her woes to

their relationship turned out to have lots of playful banters and teasings

he gives very comforting hugs and pats

mc doesn’t want to admit it tho

well, until, changbin caught her snuggling into his hugs one fine day

“admit it, you like them, you like my hugs”

“okay, fine, i DO like them, they’re great hugs, don’t let it go to your head.”

“I KNEW IT”

“You’re so loud, shut up, hyung!”

“OH MY GOD, YOU FINALLY ADMIT TO IT, IM GONNA TELL THE WORLD-KSDFNKSDNF-”

"FUCK- I SAID, SHUSH"

rip in peace, changbin

he didn’t expect someone like her would have so much strength to smother his mouth with her hand and shut it

the more you know

curiousity killed the cat????

---

hwang hyunjin

avoidance at all cost (pt.2) despite being in the same year

why? exhibit a: he's considered very attractive in her year and that her classmates n batch mates have crushes on him

coughs one of the school princes coughs

their batch year prince

she's really gonna swerve away from him

interactions will be kept at a bare minimum

one time hyunjin n some others wanted to borrow a textbook from their class because they have forgotten theirs n he chose hers

she could feel cold sweat forming as she feels the death stare of some of her classmates

that gta [wasted] sfx whenever ur character dies

yeah that's mc

that was probably the last time she would even think about it

when he returned it back to her, he smiled at her, the really cute eye smile and she felt like she made the target on her back bigger lol

goodbye mc you've lived a good life

your friends will definitely will play never gonna give you up during your funeral (it's a promise)

jokes aside

hyunjin would probably noticed the panicked look in her eyes and wondered why

since his friends like felix and...jisung...and seungmin are like on good terms with her

he probably wondered about it a lot

borderlines on overthinking since both felix and jisung are particularly close to her

so she should know that he’s friends with them

ever since that encounter, it would come across his head whenever he saw her hanging out freely with felix or jisung or both of them

or when he come across her in the hallways

sometimes he wants to greet her but it feels like it would scare her away

esp when she looks ready to run into the opposite direction

if he ever made eye contact with her

so his plan to befriend mc has started

tried to join into the trio hangout; jisung, felix and mc

mc never did protest his presence like at all

but does occasionally look stiff when he's near her

eventually shes comfortable enough with him

but not enough to actually hang out with him alone though

that thought kind of made him feel envious towards the other boys

and a little left out

as a teenager, he has too many emotions to handle so

jisung and felilx caught the idea and told him to let her

take her time because she kinda. shy. (???)

that didn't stop him from mulling over it tho sometimes

one day he found her waiting at the bus stop

it was in the evening, she was still in her school uniform

he was kinda on an errand run too

kinda didn’t want to sit on the same bench as her

afraid that she might run away

she noticed him standing there eventually albeit very anxiously and kinda awkward

a casual greeting slipped past her lips which shocked hyunjin to his very core

he splutters back a reply

“on an errand run, errand boy?"

"huh?"

“uh, um, pretend that i didn’t say anything.”

“right, sure, but may i sit next to you, the bus seemed to be late and my legs are kinda tired.”

“oh, uh, yeah, sure, but you didn’t have to ask, y’know?”

“well, didn’t wanna scare you off…"

“it’s nothing personal, if that’s what you’re worried about,” + “it’s just. didn’t wanna step on a landmine and the girls in our batch seemed to adore you a lot and me being close to you might set off the wrong signal…?”

“that’s absurd, you’re...being unreasonable..i mean, its none of their business-!”

“i know, im sorry, my bad, it’s not your fault either, it’s not anyone’s fault, to be honest.”

for a moment, he found her reasoning to be petty and unreasonable until it finally clicks inside her head, from her point of view when he really thought it through.

“...no wait, im sorry, i think, i kinda get why when i really thought about it.”

“yeah, it’s no biggie, don’t worry, im sorry too, we’ll both get over it”

“...um, we’re friends, right?”

“...i suppose so, if you dont mind, dummy.”

a giddy smile crossed his face while mc struggles to not stare at him looking so cute like that as she coughs into her hand, avoiding eye-contact

pretty boys have too much power in their hands

and she’s one of their fallen victims towards their charms

this isn’t fair for her heart

so when the bus arrived

they sat beside each other on the bus

hyunjin did most of the chattering while mc listens

he was so glad he cleared smth up with her

if she allows it, he would definitely tried to hug her

until he remembers that one time changbin told him he almost got punch in the face by her

when he tried doing it the first time and startled her

yeah no not now

maybe sometime in the near future, a long-awaited hug would be great

(if he was honest tho, he really wanted to cry when she told him the truth)

(it felt like a heartache)

but it’s okay now though

they’re friends now (somewhat) and that’s all that matters

---

[masterlist]

[meltwonu]

| 🍒 CH-CH-CHERRY BOMB! 🍒 |     [CHAPTER 12]

pairing; dom!seungcheol x camgirl!reader

this chapter’s notes; camshow, sex toys, overstimulation, tiniest mentions of daddy!kink, a lil bit of a filler chapter!, this is the most btsvt chapter that it’ll ever get so i’m sorry if you dont like that!! 😭😭, a bit of a lighthearted chapter too tbh to ease everyone back into cherry bomb! 💕 I know its been like two fuckin weeks since the last update which is honestly insane to me! I almost couldnt remember where we even left off lmao kdjfhds 😩💕💕 Thank you for being so patient with me and waiting it out while we had two weeks of Monster Mash! Starting Monday, I’m gonna be going back to my normal posting schedule! 💕 have a great rest of the weekend, yall! 🍒 

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - ?

“Wait, seriously? You want to work here? But--but I thought you were from out of town?”

Jun’s eyes light up with excitement; fingertips crushing the resume you passed to him moments prior. “Um, well, there was a change of plans… and I’d really like to work somewhere where I have a friend! If you guys are still hiring, that is...” You reply back meekly.

It’d taken you all morning to write up a resume, blushing a little when you realize most of your income had been from camming. It’d also made you pause for a moment when you realized that it meant Jun would also know your real name too; as well as everyone who came through the diner and all of your coworkers.

“Yeah, of course! I, um, just give me a second to pass this to my manager, okay? I’ll be sure to put in a good word!” Jun shoots you a wink before he turns to leave.

You take the opportunity to sit down at a nearby booth, fishing for your phone to text Seungcheol.

‘I think I might be getting the job!!’

cheollie ✨: oh? Not that I doubted you, but is it confirmed already?

‘Mm… Jun is trying to put in a word for me! But I’m confident!’

cheollie ✨: thats my baby ;)

You hear someone call your name hesitantly, only to find Jun standing a few feet away looking at you sheepishly. “Um, sorry, your name’s on the resume so I figured…”

“Oh! Yeah, it’s fine!” You awkwardly giggle. “I figured writing ‘Cherry’ as my name wouldn’t be too smart when you need to cross-reference my ID if I get the job.” Jun laughs as he takes the seat across from you in the booth, papers in hand.

“Well, I convinced my manager to let me interview you. Told him that if we’d be workin’ together that I’d want to scope you out for myself! He bought it, can you believe it!?” Grinning, he sets your crumpled resume down next to a small stack of papers. “I don’t doubt you’d pull your weight around here but I do have to ask… Why here of all places? I thought your, uh, other job was enough? Or I guess I assumed...” You bite your lip, flip-flopping on whether or not you wanted to let him know exactly what happened that led to your sudden decision.

“Um… There were just some big life changes I had to make on the fly and I’ll be living around here now! I’m trying out some new things… I also figured if I worked with you, then you’d know my schedule the best too! And you seem like a really nice and cool guy.”

Jun nods, smiling back at you.

“You got that right!”

“You’re seriously going to start working there?” Jeongguk raises a brow, cables in hand as he sets up the extra PC in his streaming room. “And the guy working there knows you? That doesn’t bother you?”

Seungcheol laughs under his breath, “Yeah and he knows me now too. And knows I’d kick his ass if he tried anything.” You pout from your place in the expensive gaming chair; eyes focused on Jeongguk who shimmies under the desk to start plugging in the cables.

“Well, yeah he does know me, but he’s also one of my regulars and knows the schedules I’ll need, so I think we can trust him!” They both nod and Seungcheol is quick to cross the small room until he’s right behind you.

“He seems like a nice guy though, I don’t think we have to worry.”

Jeongguk slides out from underneath the desk, dusting off his pants as he stands. “And if he does end up being a weirdo, there’s always a place for you at the roller rink!”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes, hands gripping onto the backrest of the chair.

“No.”

“Hey guys, welcome back to Golden Closet Gaming! I’m JK, your regular host! Today, we have a suuuper special guest! Why don’t you introduce yourself, pretty lady~”

You take a deep breath as you lean in close to the mic; somewhat nervous and a little out of your usual element. “Hi everyone~ I’m Cherry! Some of you may know me from, um, the other side of the streaming-sphere but I’m joining my friend today in hopes of boosting our channels together and having a ‘lil bit of fun!!”

Seungcheol sits at the side as he watches the two of you; a small smile painted on his lips at the way the two of you seem to fall into your characters easily despite the somewhat different platforms and influx of different viewers.

The sound of donations and comments pour in a lot quicker than Jeongguk, himself, is used to; eyes wide and eyebrows raised as he pauses to watch them flood the screen.

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

xcaliburDK has donated $100

sleepy_wonu: never thought i’d be donating here but here we are

xcaliburDK: i was always a silent watcher but u kno i had to donate for my favorite girl!

seokGENIE: i feel like i’m entitled to something for taking your shift so i wont be donating, sorry pretty girl

j__min: can’t believe this kid got a collab with you before i did :(

j__min has donated $200

dtsug__a: i dont normally watch streams either but im curious

Jeongguk laughs, still in disbelief as the donations continue to pour in from a combination of your viewers and his. He always made a decent amount from his viewers but he couldn’t deny the pull you had from your viewers as well. “Wow, um okay, my donations are adding up a lot quicker than they usually do. That’s… Hey, whaddya say to streaming with me regularly?” He jokes. 

A shy laugh bubbles up your throat; ears and cheeks burning hot at the idea. You had never collabed with any other streamer before and despite your initial hesitance and unsureness, you too, were shocked to find how well the two of you were doing without your usual content.

“Erm, I’m not very good at gaming though… I don’t think your viewers would like it very much...”

seokGENIE: thats ok jk sucks at gaming too, it wouldnt be too different

j__min: lmao fkjdhf

dtsug__a: does he get roasted often on this channel? If so i’ll be tuning in more often

dtsug__a has donated $100

dtsug__a: for your troubles, pretty gal

“On second thought, let’s let this be a special occasion, huh? Maybe collabs for the holiday, Cherry?” Jeongguk grumbles and Seungcheol has to bite his lip to keep in his laughs from his side of the small room. You start to feel more and more comfortable at the lighthearted atmosphere; tucking a stray hair behind your ear before you lean in towards the mic again.

“Ah! Speaking of, don’t forget to tune into my camshow tomorrow~! JK and I will be gaming on there as well but… with some added fun to match my channel~! 21 and over only~” You blink at the computer screen, still a little unused to the idea that you weren’t technically being filmed. Although, it was a nice change for once; not needing to be all done up for a show and simply just talking to your viewers and reading comments.

sleepy_wonu: is dom daddy gonna be on the show too?

“Dom daddy? Oh you mean Se---”

“Yes! Kind of!” You cut off, laughing nervously. Nobody knew Seungcheol’s name except for Jun and you were trying to keep as much of him private as possible, until he was ready. “In a sense, he’ll be there! You guys will just have to tune in to find out!”

Jeongguk laughs into his own mic, scooting in closer to his desk as he loads up the game.

“I think that’s enough chatting for now, huh? Let’s get started! Tonight we’ll be playing Phasmophobia! We’ll be playing something more lighthearted on Cherry’s channel, as she requested. So tonight we’ll be playing something I picked out. You ready, baby?”

Seungcheol narrows his eyes, quietly taking a sip of his water.

“Ready when you are!”

“I gotta say, sweetheart, for someone who doesn’t play video games too often, you’re not too bad.” Seungcheol comments, nodding his head in amazement as the three of you exit Jeongguk’s PC room. He’d had a hard time keeping in his laughs as he watched from the side and he had to admit, you were even cuter when you were outside of your usual element.

“I have to agree with hyung, but maybe it was also the adrenaline and screaming that kept you goin’.”

The two males share a laugh as you pout and plop down onto Jeongguk’s living room sofa. “Hey, how were the numbers for tonight, by the way?” You ask quietly.

“Honestly? I think we made almost triple of what my channel usually sees. I know I don’t really make a ton off of my streams since I don’t really do anything, like, crazy but shit… Even I’m shocked at how much we made.”

Seungcheol’s lip ease into a smirk; Jeongguk really had no idea how much the two of you had made off of a couple videos alone.

“We still have one more stream to do and then we can just pool up the money and split it down the middle!”  

Jeongguk nods, stretching as he sits himself down onto the other end of the sofa. “I’ll bring my spare PC stuff so we can set up a little early tomorrow, if that’s cool with you two? Maybe have some food before we get started too ‘cause god knows I’m gonna be starving.” You look to Seungcheol who nods and checks his phone for the time.

“Yeah, we need to set up the cameras and lighting a little differently too so we’ll probably start earlier. Just text me before you drive over so we know when to expect you.”

You yawn next to Jeongguk; adrenaline having worn off as the tiredness finally sets in. “It’s so weird, usually I’m only just starting my stream right around this time but I’m so exhausted now...” Seungcheol’s eyes from cute crescents as he smiles down at you, stepping closer as he goes in to smooth down your hair.

“You really were screaming a lot, to be fair. How about we head home and you can sleep in the car?”

“Okay~”

Seungcheol lets you sleep in on Saturday morning, watching as your chest rises and falls with soft breaths.

He takes a moment to think over the last few weeks of his life and he can’t help the disbelieving expression that crosses his features when he realizes just how much had changed over the course of just weeks.

When the two of you had met, he wasn’t expecting much. He expected the two of you to hang out for a few days before you went home and forgot he even existed outside of your camshows and the comments section. But now that so much had happened between the two of you, Seungcheol felt a deeper connection to you and felt the need to protect you even moreso than ever.

He sees you shift slightly, sleepy eyes blinking open as you peer up at him. “Good morning, sweetheart.”

“Mm… g’morning ‘cheol…”

You grimace sleepily at how hoarse your voice sounds, “Ew, I sound so… gross.”

Seungcheol moves to get out of bed, leaning in to kiss your forehead before he shuffles towards the bathroom. “I’m going to wash up but you can stay in bed if you like. I’ll make you some tea for your throat, okay? We have a long day ahead of us and I don’t think you wanna sound like that later tonight.”

Nodding sleepily, you lay back down as you yawn and let the sleep take over once again.

“Are you really sure ‘bout this?” Jeongguk takes a bite of his pizza as he watches Seungcheol pull the desk closer to the bed.

“What do you mean?” You ask; readjusting the light that was closest to the younger male. “Like, I dunno, I’ve never been on a cam show like this so… I mean do I have to do anything different?” You laugh lightly as you go in to pat Jeongguk on the shoulder.

“No, just be you. And we went over it already earlier, the only thing that’s different is going to be me! No weird tricks or anything, I promise.”

Seungcheol places another monitor on the tabletop, grunting as he goes. “Yeah, and in all honesty, I would hate to have to watch you get off, ‘Guk.”

“Oh shut up, hyung. You say that like I don’t know what you’re packin’ under those sweats. I think it’d only be fair! Just two bros getting to know each other.” Seungcheol pretends to gag just as you double over in laughter. “No, absolutely not, ‘Guk. And also, nobody told you to watch those videos!”

Jeongguk pauses, lips pressing into a firm line. “You right, you right…”

You leave to get changed just as Jeongguk starts to help Seungcheol set up the last few bits of equipment. He leans in close to the older male, eyes glancing around the space to make sure you were completely out of earshot. “Hey, hyung, honest question.”

“Sure.”

“Are you really okay with all this?” Confusion crosses Seungcheol’s features as he raises an eyebrow at the younger male. “What’s ‘this’ exactly, ‘Guk?”

“Y’know, her living here and you camming all of a sudden, among everything else really… And the question if you’re in love with her which, by the way, we still all know that you are.”

A blush coats Seungcheol’s skin, fingertips almost losing grip of the camera he was about to mount to the desktop. “Listen, yes, okay, I do… like her a lot. But she’s going through a lot right now too and I don’t want to freak her out either. There’s a lot of life changes we’re going through so I’m just going to ...wait.”

“You’re a good man, hyung.”

“Hi everyone!”

You wave to the camera, winking and blowing a kiss to the camera propped up between the two monitors on the table. “I know, this setup is a little wild and not my normal but this is part two of my collaboration with Golden Closet Gaming! Do you want to introduce yourself to those who missed our other stream?” You turn to Jeongguk who nods; this time a little nervous as he stares directly into the camera.

He’d said he was okay with being filmed since he wasn’t actually part of any sexual acts, but he still found himself a little camerashy now that the two of you were live.

Seungcheol sat directly behind the monitors and cameras; his phone open to your cam show to watch from a different angle.

“Ah, hello! I’m JK of Golden Closet Gaming! I’m a friend of Cherry’s and no we won’t be fuckin’.” Jeongguk ends with an innocent smile that has you holding back your laughter.

therealchan99: i dont think dom.cheol would like that very much anyway

universe_WZ has donated $100

universe_WZ: unless he’s into watching

dom.cheol: no

alphagyu97: oh shit hes back

angelhan: huh, so hes not there?

“Oh, he is! He’s behind the camera~” You gesture beyond the camera to where Seungcheol sits and he leans over to quickly wave upside down in front of the camera to prove his existence.

j__min: ah, of course~ we know your daddy would never let you play with anyone else~

j__min: he likes you too much ;)

emerald.tae: oh? also hi new watcher!!!

emerald.tae: ur videos were great!!

emerald.tae has donated $200

therealchan99: im gonna need to start fighting ppl for ur attention i swear

gentleman_josh95: implying u had it

chwenon: yooooooo lmao

“You guuuuys, be nice! Just for that, I’m gonna be sending you a special private pic, okay ‘therealchan99’? You guys pick on him too much!” You pout.

therealchan99: hahaahhAHhhahaHAAHAA FUCKIN LOSERS SUCK ON THAT

tangerine_kwan: bruh

chwenon: damn guess we should can it

You respond to a few more comments as Jeongguk sits by and watches the way you interact with your viewers. He also takes note that you had a donation minimum before you started actually doing anything on your channel and that you’d already hit it pretty quickly.

“Okay! I think we should start now, huh? Oh, I should explain what’s going on!” You giggle cutely, settling into your space on the bed. “So JK and I will be playing this stilt man game! We have to get our character to the finish line without falling or the level restarts! JK has to get to level 30 and I have to get to level 20 and whoever reaches their goal first, wins!”

“I have a higher level to reach ‘cause our skillsets are different and we all know I’d smoke her if we both had to reach the same level.” Jeongguk grins.

seokGENIE: sure

seokGENIE has donated $69

sleepy_wonu has donated $100

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $100

“And the reason why ‘dom.cheol’ is behind the camera is because...” You pause, eyes twinkling with playfulness as you stare directly into the lens. “In order to get me to do my best, he’ll be controlling a special toy I’m wearing~ Hehe, if my character falls, he’ll raise the vibration setting each time as punishment and leave it on until I cum…”

“Which we are assuming will be a lot. Unfortunately, no medic on standby.” Jeongguk jokes. Seungcheol rolls his eyes as he laughs from behind the camera.

“We have a safeword, don’t we, sweetheart?” You nod in response, “Mmhmm!”

“Let’s get it!”

It takes all of four stages before your character falls for the first time.

Seungcheol turns the vibrating panties on and you immediately jolt as you try to keep your character upright on screen. “Oh, f-fuck!”

kitty_junjun: uh ohhhh it begins

artist8hao: i don’t think she’s gonna last.. babygirl is so sensitive, she’ll probably cum soon

xcaliburDK: i’m giving it until level 6 before she cums

emerald.tae: oh are we placing bets

“Noooo~ Don’t place bets on me, I’m weak!” You whine; already squirming as the vibrations attack your clit. Seungcheol grins from in front of you as Jeongguk laughs from your side, already on level 7 on his own screen.

You had to admit, it was a little weird for someone else to be in the room with you while Seungcheol basically used a toy on you, but the younger male seemed to not care about it at all. Although, he had already seen most of you and Seungcheol at this point.

Your fingertips are shaky on the keyboard and computer mouse; already fearing the way Seungcheol’s eyes almost become darker the longer you struggle.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart? Is the game too hard?”

“A-ah, n--no, it’s not that b-bad…” Squirming, you grind down a little harder onto the bed just as your character falls on screen and Seungcheol raises the setting to the second highest in the blink of an eye. “Ngh, fuh---fuck!”

“Uh oh~ Should I slow down to let you catch up?” Jeongguk teases.

“N-no, I can beat y-you!”

The donations and comments pour in as you struggle to keep your calm and get your character to the finish line; letting out a sigh of relief as you finally enter the fifth level. You let out a choked sob as you already feel your panties starting to stick to you like a second skin from how wet you were getting and Seungcheol can’t help but chuckle.

“You know, you’re technically allowed to cum whenever you want. It’ll just… slow you down, is all.” Grinning, he watches as you look beyond the camera towards him as you pout.

“But I--I wanna win!” You cry; palms clammy as you try to rush through the fifth stage, only for your character to fall almost immediately. “Nooo~”

Seungcheol clicks the vibrator to its highest setting and your body goes rigid as the vibrations wreck your body. You start to grind against the toy as you chase your orgasm and forget about the game almost completely. In a perfect world, Seungcheol would have his cock snug between your walls, but instead you clench around emptiness as you crave his cock.

artist8hao: ah shes already cumming lol

seokGENIE: on level 5? Fuck

universe_WZ: her cute lil cunt cant take it, poor babygirl

seokGENIE has donated $50

emerald.tae has donated $75

alphagyu97: cum baby, u kno u wanna

alphagyu97 has donated $75

A small choked whine is all you can manage before you do cum; eyes clamped shut and fingers wrapped tight around the computer mouse as the waves of pleasure crash down onto your body. Donations and comments flood the side of the screen from a combination of your viewers and Jeongguk’s as they watch your face contort in pleasure.

“Ah, sweetheart, you’re really falling behind~ JK is going through the stages so quickly while you’re sitting there cumming~” Seungcheol teases. He licks his lips, simultaneously wishing you were sitting on his cock while you played your game.

That’d have to be for another time, he thinks.

It takes a second for Seungcheol to turn the toy off and your body immediately slumps forward as you catch your breath. “Ngh, d-damn it…” You grimace when you re-adjust yourself and find your panties soaking wet.

“I’m already on level 17, babe. You gotta catch up!”

You can only groan in response, flexing your clammy fingers before you try to focus on your own screen again.

kitty_junjun: oho looks like our princess is focused now

tangerine_kwan: u got this baby

j__min: show ‘em who’s boss, babygirl

You tune out the sounds of the comments and donations as you manage to get yourself to level eight without falling, but level nine proves to be just a little too hard as your character falls and Seungcheol turns the vibrator back on to its lowest setting again.

“Be careful, baby. Wouldn’t want to fall behind again would you?”

Seungcheol feels his cock throbbing in his sweats as he watches you bite your lip. And for the first time all night, he wishes that Jeongguk would just win and go home so that he could have his own private time with you.

“I’m on level 22 already. D’you think she can even catch up?” Jeongguk teases. He spares you a side glance, taking in your form slumped closer to the table as you try to fight the vibrations.

Your body was already extremely sensitive from your first orgasm and you quickly losing your confidence as you struggled to keep your character upright. If you came even just one more time, there was no way that you’d be able to beat Jeongguk with how quickly he was going through the stages.

therealchan99: she’s cumming just as quickly as JK is getting thru the stages hfdsf

gentleman_josh95: shes so cute when she cums tho

angelhan has donated $50

angelhan: thats the real prize angel

“T-thank you…” You whimper out, fingertips twitching against the keyboard and mouse as you focus your attention to the game to the best of your ability. 

You manage to get to level ten with no more issues just as Jeongguk gets to level 25 and you let out an exasperated sigh as your character falls over again. “Uh oh~ I think I’m gonna win!” Jeongguk cheers; giddiness washing over him as he works to get to the end. 

“Nooo~ That’s n-not, ah, fair!” Whining, you grip the mouse tighter as Seungcheol raises the setting on the toy again, watching as you rub your thighs together at the feeling. 

hoshi_tiger_xx: sadly nothings fair in the gaming world babe

hoshi_tiger_xx has donated $50

dtsug__a has donated $50

dtsug__a: cute for thinkin so tho 

“I don’t th--think I can, hah, c-catch up...” You moan. Your character on screen falls over one more time and all you hear is Seungcheol’s small ‘tsk’ under his breath as he sets the vibrator to the highest setting and leaves it there. 

It doesn’t take long before the vibrations prove to be too much for you and you let go of the keyboard and computer mouse as your hands ball up into fists on top of the table. 

The pleasure washes over you in sharp pin pricks; small whines and whimpers falling from your lips as your eyes completely clamp shut. 

Jeongguk lets out a surprised noise at the way the donations and comments almost make the screen lag and for the first time, his character on screen falls over at his split second loss of focus. 

“Ah, fuh--fuck!” You start to squirm once the pleasure starts to bleed into overstimulation and Seungcheol is quick to respond, “You’re gonna cum one more time as punishment for giving up, sweetheart.” 

alphagyu97: ooo she's in troubleeee

gentleman_josh95: ahhh daddy still has to punish you after all 

seokGENIE: damn is this what this channels abt? this is hot 

artist8hao: babygirl always misbehaves

chwenon: she seems to like it too much 😏

dtsug__a: hooooo shit, thats hot 

“It’s n-not my f-fault, hah, JK is j-just good at g-gaming...” You mumble. 

Jeongguk manages to get to level 30 within the time you sit and grind against the toy; small noises of excitement falling from his lips as he cheers for himself!

“Aww, poor baby. Maybe you’ll focus a bit better next time, hmm?” 

You nod frantically as a small tear slips down your cheek and your lips part in a breathy moan. “God, I--I’m c--cumming!” 

Your body locks up, ears ringing as you cum one more time. Seungcheol wishes he could work you through it; hands massaging your skin as you take your pleasure or thrusting his cock into you as he chased his high with you. 

Instead he watches from across you as your body twitches as your face contorts in unadulterated bliss, licking his lips the entire time with images of what could’ve been dancing behind his eyelids. 

Jeongguk watches as the donations far surpass what the two of you made on his channel; brows disappearing into his poofy head of hair. “Wow, uh, y’all seem to really like it when she gets punished, huh?” He mutters under his breath. 

“Don’t you?” Seungcheol teases. 

“Truuuuue.” 

A garbled moan has both of their attention on you as you try to shy away from the toy still vibrating against your overly sensitive clit. “Ah, ‘m too sen--sensitive now...” You cry. 

Seungcheol turns the toy off completely as your chest heaves in deep breaths; pouting at the fact he wasn’t able to enter the camera frame to take care of you. 

Jeongguk grimaces slightly at the way your body sways in tiredness next to him, unsure of what to do next now that he’d won. 

“Haha, um, medic?” 

[candorarchives]

Confession

Author’s note: This is Part 1. Apparently things were getting way too long and I was having too much fun. Might post the second part when the mood strikes. “And now...we wait,” I muttered under my breath. The clothing given to me was passable, but fitted badly on my form. It was made for someone with more mass than I did. Usually, I’d like the quiet, but the lack of sound was more unsettling than anyone would have anticipated. 

The confession booth was rather dark, a small light illuminating the inside. Though there were holes for light to pass through, this wasn’t enough. It kept whoever was inside hidden from sight, yet seeing the congregant confessing in plain view. I was never raised Catholic, so its significance is unfortunately lost on me. But the psychological phenomena was not. 

Humans, in their constant search for meaning, have propped up the belief in the divine. A means to avoid being accountable—a reason to resign themselves to fate. To have a semblance of wrong and right that won’t necessarily make absolute sense. 

But who watches over the arbiters of sin? Men of the cloth, clothed in black yet none know what their souls are made of. I came here to learn their ways—to uncover the truths hidden beneath their rites and rituals. Nothing out of the ordinary yet. The worst I’ve heard is some priests talking over what was the worst thing they’ve heard out of a confession booth. 

I pity their congregants. 

Currently, there haven’t been many people going to confession. I’ve had the routine memorized already. Get the person to say the prayer of contrition, listen to them confess their sins, and provide means of making penance. It’s a bit similar to actual psychotherapy—just more of a legalistic affair. 

Footsteps grew louder as a small line started to form near the confession booth. I have been working for about two weeks now—but the feeling is something akin to a month. The patterns have become familiar, like knowing how to read notes. The steps have become piano pieces. Regular visitors were becoming more and more obvious by the day. 

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” A feminine voice graced my ear. One too familiar for my liking. “I’ve never confessed in my life, Father...but I aim to rectify this today.” 

I say the usual things, but there’s a lack of authenticity to it. “Speak, my child.” 

“I’ve been thinking...about someone. I don’t see them often, you see.” Her tone takes a solemn approach—but we both know she’s not used to being here. “And, Father—my heart grows fonder for them every single day. They light a fire in me that I cannot quench, and this....has led me down a dark path.” 

The fact that I couldn’t discern for certain that she was making this all up was most concerning. It was even worse that she sounded so sincere...have I lost? Has someone taken her from me already? No. That cannot be. It cannot be. “Continue,” I said whilst trying to compose myself. 

“I longed for him each day, but never tried to approach. It took so long for me to gain the initiative—but worst of all...I started to be….” The rest was unintelligible. Whoever has gained the upper hand from me...he’s gotten her wrapped under his thumb. To get her to stutter and blush at the mere mention of your name...how quaint. “Well...you get the point. It all started when Mr Wing had asked me to send a package to this man…” 

Oh no. 

The realization hit, her narrative unfolding. “He was setting up a card tower….” It was her psychological evaluation. I’m surprised that she remembers it as if it happened yesterday. But I’m getting ahead of myself. The difference between confessing to a priest and confiding in one’s therapist is that the latter has better solutions to fix the issues at hand. A priest is more often than not ready and willing to blame it on one’s spiritual failings than a psychological problem that can be overcome. 

“Though I racked my brain, there was no plausible way the cards would fall.” The goal was never to keep the tower in place. Though I did admire her tenacity for the former. That day she had already proven herself to me...and yet I could not find enough evidence to convince myself that confession was the endgame. 

She was still in the middle of the narrative. “The ensuing nights led me into quite the dreamscape, Father.” Long story short, the dream she was describing was both lucid and made me question for how long she had been harboring these feelings. It took my entire being to control myself—knowing the consequences if I lost control now. You can ask her about it later, just focus on the mission, Richter. Let’s just say it’s not helping that I’m listening to someone describing body parts that shouldn’t be out in the open. “My dear, such dirty thoughts...a more...intense purification is needed it seems.” 

“What do you mean, Father? Shan’t a fervent recitation of the Rosary not do? I could do community service, serve the parish—I don’t understand.” 

Honestly, I could not continue the conversation. Was I succumbing to the darkness yet again? Or awakening it? I could not ascertain. The detective game was one thing, getting into character was easy, but this? I was grasping at straws at this point. “The sins you’ve committed are not so easily absolved, dear.” 

The initiation ceremony flashed, almost in a blink of an eye. I remember having to watch this innocent woman give confession, the priest inside the booth looking flush in the face. But his lust emanated into the hall...and the rest was history. Something I’d wish to forget, yes, but history nonetheless. 

Her voice brought me back to the present day—more of a reminder of the grim reality that faced us. We were playing roles, I a priest about to pounce, and her the innocent damsel in distress. The fact that she was this brings about an unexplained heaviness. A part of me screams to sneak out of the booth and not bring it up, but the information is so close. It’s in my grasp, give it a day, I just have to…. 

Rosa, could you ever forgive me? 

“Father? Am I...am I damned forever?” The fear in her voice heightens. If I didn’t know it was her I’d be honestly worried. “Have I become so unclean that not even Christ can cleanse me?”

To be continued... Tagging @gloryofluv who has been screeching at me to get this posted lmao

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 11/?

Word Count: 2.5k

Author's Note:  Y/N- your Name.

Warnings: Description of Injury, Description of the court system, gets fucking heated again, Swearing, no beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Monday morning came and she knew that Jason wasn’t going to go to class and she had to go meet up with him after school to give him notes. She started to dress a lot nicer today, since she was probably going to unintentionally meet some of Jason’s family today. 

Here’s another outfit because I do what I want<3

I really like being in control here lmao also just imagine it’s paired with black or beige heels because why the fuck not, right? Fashion.

This class, they discussed how circumstantial evidence affected the psychological profile of the attackers. For example, circumstantial evidence is when the entire amount of circumstances are stacked towards each other and it becomes less likely that it’s all a coincidence. The Professor had said, So when the case is circumstantial, it’s likely a crime of passion and having a criminal profile for the attacker is unlikely. He continued.

It was fascinating. She assumed it was a case that forensics would be heavily involved in and that the criminal psych crew wouldn’t handle. She was right. More likely than not, they wouldn’t handle a circumstantial case because of the fact that it’s not calculated, for the most of the time.

Her notes were a mess again. Barely legible, she’d have to use Jason’s computer to print and get them to be able to be read, which was fine. She was expecting to have to do that either way, legible or not, because he needs a copy and she does too.

The things I’ll do for the weird pretty boy in my criminal psych class, she thought, worth it. 

She would end up texting Jason once class ended, they had already been texting most of the morning, anyway. 

Hey, just finished class, are you busy?

Nope, siblings are at work. Dad’s still in Metropolis.

And your grandfather?

Do not know. He’s nice, I swear.

Be there soon x.

That was the first time that she had even sent him an x, which is a kiss, but she felt like it was right, so she did it. What a flirt I am, she joked with herself, It’s a fucking x, I need to shut up. She laughed at herself.

She got into the car and drove the way to Wayne Manor, a trip she knew all-too-well at this point, however, the press was bombarding the entrance, so she couldn’t pull into the driveway and had to pay for parking at the nearby park. She paid for a day’s worth of parking and began to walk to the Manor. With her bag in tow.

Of course, the press noticed her. Why wouldn’t they? And they were down her throat.

“Why are you out here if you don’t speak English and are known to be close to the family?” one said in a downplaying tone to her, she tried to sneak past, knowing she was live on national TV and not exactly feeling like starting a fight.

“Hello? We’re talking to you, Ma’am!” one yelled at her, she started shielding her face from the flashing lights and the cameras.

She would make it 2, maybe 3 steps before a camera was shoved in her face. Then, she started running. She was quick, and she would dodge between them all before the security snatched her into the gates of the Manor. She breathed a quick sigh of relief once she was in. 

The press didn’t like this, and they would keep yelling at her as she stood in the driveway, trying to catch her breath from her escapade of running through the vultures.

“Just tell us your name!” one yelled.

“Tell us what you like doing on the weekends!” another yelled, and she got an idea, before someone could answer she screamed,

“I like doing your mum on the weekends, bitch!” before flipping off the press and running to the door while the press started talking about her.

She really had to catch her breath this time, she was so out of shape and the fact that she was lugging her notes around made it worse. When a friendly looking English butler came out onto the step with her, hand outstretched to shake hers, “Hello there, Y/N, I’m Alfred, Jason’s grandfather.”

She was taken aback by this and slightly jumped when he greeted her, but she took his hand and shook it, “Hi Alfred, please tell me you didn’t hear that,” she laughed.

“I heard that, that’s how I knew you were here. Jason was right, you’re as crazy as he is,” he said.

“Oh lord, I’m sorry,” she laughed again, “I swear I didn’t mean for you to hear me and my childish insults.”

“Child listen, I’ve been dealing with the press for years, I promise you, they deserve the insults, childish or not,” Alfred reassured her, “Do you wish to come inside, or are you still out of breath, Y/N?” he asked.

“I’ll come inside. I’ve given the press enough content for one day,” she joked/

“It’s been nice, Y/N, really. Thank you for the entertainment, but I have work to do.”

“Anytime, Alfred.”

And they parted ways, Y/N went to Jason’s room, knocking. When he groaned, she cracked the door open and stuck her head in,

“You dead?”

“No.”

“Good. Hi,” she said as she entered his room and walked to his desk to drop her bag and pull out his desk chair to put it beside his bed again, “How are you, still in pain?” she asked when she sat down.

“Hi,” he whined.

“Hi,” she repeated to him.

“Hi.”

She leant in to his face and rested her forehead against his, she didn’t know if this was the comfort he needed, but she did it anyway, when he wrapped his arms around her back, though, she knew she was doing something right.

“Hi, Jason.”

“Mhm,” he whispered.

She stopped leaning against his forehead, much to his dismay, as he groaned at her moving, but she had other ideas.

She leant and moved in closer to his lips, putting her hand on his cheek, and then leaning in for a kiss. It was a lot like their first kiss, small and passionate, but enough to prove that she was just trying to make sure he was okay. When she pulled away again, he groaned again.

“Now, will you tell me how you are, sir?”

“In pain,” he managed to say.

“Have you been walking around? You should.”

“You told... me to rest,” his speech wasn’t slurred, but it was slower than normal.

“You still need to move your joints, Jay. Just sparingly so you don’t hurt yourself. too much time off of your feet will make walking again harder on you,” she said.

“Mhm,” he groaned.

“Okay fine, but when you need more physical therapy don’t come crying to me, Jay.”

“Is this... our first... fight?”

“No, you goon. I’m giving you medical advice and you’re being stubborn, it’s advice and I can’t force you.”

“Remember... that... when I get... hurt fighting.”

“Is this an often occurrence?”

“Not... often.”

“Well I can live with it being a once-in-a-blue moon event, since you clearly have security.”

“Special... edition because... of my... injuries,” he groaned.

“Damn. Still, better than nothing. Anyway, I have notes to write, so I’m going to move you laptop over here, alright?” she asked.

“Mhm,” he said, very sleepy-sounding.

“You can sleep, Jay,” she said as she unplugged his laptop and walked back to her chair, she put it on the chair and moved her bag to beside the chair, sat down, opened the laptop, and began typing. Jason would put one of his hands on one of her knees.

“Do you need something, Jay?”

“You,” he whispered out.

“Jay, I need to write these notes, you need them,” she said.

He groaned and moved to try to turn his back to her, forgetting he was injured and taking a massive breath in when he tried to.

“God, don’t move, Jason,” she said, placing a hand on his abdomen, “You can be upset that I’m not in the bed holding you, but you shouldn’t turn around, baby.”

He stared at her when she called him ‘baby’, which prompted her to blush a lot, but she tried to ignore him to pretend that he wasn’t piercing her soul with his staring to get her to cuddle with him. She kept trying to type out the notes, the class was the same amount of length as it should have been, so there was a lot of notes.

She wanted to cuddle with him, she knew she did. But she told him she’d get him the notes he wanted for class, and that was something she promised she’d do. But then she remembered something.

“Oh, I’ve been forgetting to ask, how’s your best friend?”

“Will? He’s... he’s okay... why?”

“Because he got injured too, remember?”

“Oh... yeah he... did.”

“Mhm! So I asked if you knew anything, Jay. Are you forgetting stuff because of the pain or something?” she asked.

“Just... drowsy.”

“Yeah? Well good thing I’m almost done.”

“Hurry... up” he laughed, his laugh was pained, but he did laugh.

She knew him forgetting his best friend was injured was weird, but she didn’t think anything of it. She just kept typing the notes out till she was done, at which point, she hooked the laptop up to his printer on the other side of his room, much to his dismay that she had to leave him, and printed the notes.

She put them in order on top of his desk, plugged his laptop back in, put his chair back and put her notes back in her bag before taking off her jacket and slinging it on the chair she had been sitting on.

He groaned as he watched her walk around his room, he was in pain, it had been two days since the incident and he was still struggling. Dick told him that he’d be in a lot less pain the closer it got to his stitches being taken out. He hoped it was true.

When she went and sat on his bedside, leaning her forehead to his and cupping his face with her hands. She kissed him again. He kissed her back, wrapping his hands along her lower back and gently adding pressure as she sat with her legs off the bed. 

He parted his lips and she did the same as they danced with their tongues. Not assertion of dominance, but trying to be on top on the other when her hands found their way into his hair. She ended up on top of him, with one of her hands used to stabilize herself as they made out. He was able to put a hand on her ass and just grab it. There was some movement, because there had to be, but the only touching was his hand and her hand. 

Because they couldn’t go further. The two of them were cock-blocked to touch closer by his injuries. When they broke lips, she sighed because she couldn’t get closer to him. 

But she laid to his left like they had done the night before, and she cuddled on him when he would bury his face into her hair.

Again, the moments they shared were always the slowest and calmest moments that they adored. She wanted to go back on dates with him like they did before the events of his injuries. She wanted to have the adventure of running away from the press, not just running into his house. 

She didn’t know when he was going to heal from his injuries, but she swore she would take him on a crazy and worthwhile date when he got better. She didn’t know when that was going to be, but it was going to be.

------------------------------------------

They ended up falling asleep until the next morning. And Y/N’s car? It got towed. Y/N had class? Yeah, she did. Was all of his siblings home? Yes, yes they were. So, how was she going to make it out of the house before they noticed? Well, it was 4am. She and Jason awoke when she realized the time, freaked out, and kissed him ‘bye’. At least she thought it was bye, he clearly had a way to pull her into conversation whenever he wanted.

“Don’t go,” he said, his speech seeming to have recovered.

“Jay! I have to go, you know this, I have class, I have notes to write, I’m wearing the exact same clothes that I did yesterday,” she said, panicked.

“Can I see you tonight?”

“Tonight? Yeah of course. Why? Will you miss me?”

“What if I do?”

“You have my number, Jay,” she said.

“What if that’s not enough?” he asked.

“Then you’ll see me tonight, but I have to warn you, I have another class tomorrow so we can’t spend all day in your bed.”

“That’s a shame. I think it’s been like 3 days since I got injured though, so if all goes well,” he winked, while propping himself in a sitting position for the first time since he got injured and grabbed her waist to pull her on him, she was sitting in his lap, “If all goes well,” he whispered, “Maybe we won’t have to stop,” he spoke in her ear as if he was begging her to stay until he could move again.

“We aren’t supposed to speed run our way into a relationship, Jason,” she purred.

“No one needs to know how serious we are but us,” he said. He was captivating her in every was possible, blowing on her neck with every word he said.

If they hadn’t had their own lives they needed to attend to, lord knows what the two of them would be doing.

She tried to fix her appearance to the best of her abilities before she had to go outside and see the world, she didn’t exactly want the rest of them to think she was blowing Jason in his room after he had been stabbed in an attack.

But if the tabloids ran their mouths, lord knows what she’d say to fight back against them.

She checked her appearance one last time before going over to Jason and kissing him bye and see you later. She wanted to kiss him for a longer period of time, but before she knew it she was running out of the house and down the streets, she was going to have to walk home that night.

Had Jason known that she was going to walk home, he wouldn’t have let her go that day. but it was around 4am, the sun was going to rise and she’d be in broad daylight, she thought she was going to be fine and to be fair, she didn’t have reason to think she wouldn’t be okay. She always ended up okay in Metropolis, so why wouldn’t it b the same in Gotham. Gotham had many more heroes compared to Metropolis anyway.

  I mean, what’s the worst that could happen, she thought, Wait no, don’t say that.

[heyyyharry]

Chapter 1: Blast from the Past

(from the My Girl Trilogy: Stay Mine)

…in which the ghosts from their past come knocking on their doors.

Word count: 6.5k

AU: actor!Harry, older!Harry, younger!Y/N, (4-year age gap).

Wattpad link

I wrote this chapter before Eroda/Adore You came out so the goldfish thing was totally a coincidence lmao.

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When Harry was six, he had a goldfish.

He'd asked for a dog for his birthday, but his mother didn't think he was responsible enough to take care of a dog, so she bought him a fish instead. Despite not being as cool as a puppy, the goldfish was actually a great companion, and Harry loved him a lot. He called him Mr. Finny.

Mr. Finny died a week after coming home. It took Harry a month to get over Mr. Finny's death for it was his first experience of losing something that meant a lot to him.

He was too little when his father went away. He was four, and his sister was six — the same age as him when he lost Mr. Finny. So he guessed it had been rough for both his mum and Gemma to deal with such a big loss. He'd had nightmares for a whole week after losing his goldfish, imagine losing a person.

Losing things were easier because things couldn't walk away from you and if you couldn't find them, you could just replace them with something new and better. With people, you couldn't do that. Once you'd lost them, you could lose them forever. Just like goldfishes, even if Harry had found another one that looked exactly the same, it just wasn't Mr. Finny.

Ruby was his second experience of loss which had taken a heavy toll on him. He had lost a part of himself when he lost her. But then he found a better piece to fill that empty space when he returned to Holmes Chapel for Y/N's mother's funeral. They had both lost someone they loved, but they found each other, and now they were exactly where they wanted to be.

They had spent the last month of the summer travelling around Europe after attending Niall's concert in Italy and a friend's movie premiere in Paris. Y/N had only agreed to go because she couldn't say no to Paris, but she was genuinely happy during the trip, which made him happy too.

That was only until summer was over.

There was no perfect timing for finding out your loved one had passed away, but it certainly shouldn't have been at the airport just five minutes after he'd landed in London. It was Gemma who called and broke the news to him. She said their mother was devastated and they needed him to come home, so he immediately called his chauffeur to pick him up at the airport, and of course, Y/N wouldn't let him go alone.

Harry wasn't very close to his stepdad, but he loved the guy because he'd made his mother happy. Now she cried herself to sleep every night like she used to when Harry's father left. Harry had never thought he'd see her like that again, but he guessed it had taught him something new about loss.

Mr. Finny died because Harry had overfed him. He lost Ruby the same way, by loving her too much. When he tried not to love someone more than they loved him, he ended up losing his Bambi. Then there was his mum and his stepdad, who'd had a beautiful and healthy marriage, until death stepped in and took him away. Loss had no expiration date, people did. And no matter how old you were or how hard you tried, you would keep losing people anyway.

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"Harry, wake up! Wake up!"

The first thing Harry saw when he opened his eyes was two bright eyes staring right back at him. He blinked fast, trying to get a grip on reality when he felt his girlfriend snuggle her face into his neck.

"You're safe, baby. I'm here," she said as he pulled her closer.

It was the third time that week Harry had had a nightmare. The first time was when he'd just got back to London after the funeral. The second time was just two nights ago.

"Is it the same dream?" Y/N asked. She seemed very concerned, so he gave her a smile and pressed his lips against her forehead.

"You didn't even leave a note this time," he said. "I came to your place and someone else was living there."

"No wonder you kept asking, 'where is she?' in your sleep." His girlfriend chuckled as she combed her fingers through his unruly hair. He loved it when she did that, it always calmed him down.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he said with a pouty face.

"Nah, woke up a long time ago. I was watching you sleep."

"Creepy."

"Shut up. You love me."

"I do." Harry grinned as she got on top, straddling his waist and holding his face between her palms.

"You know, you can talk to me about anything that's bothering you, no matter how trivial you think it is."

"I know." He nodded. "I've been stressed out lately, that's all."

Y/N didn't seem to believe him but she knew him too well to continue asking questions. She leaned down, her lips brushing against his and her hand going from his chest, down to his belly button, and under the covers. His soft gasp turned into a moan, making her smile devilishly.

"Let me help you relax, yeah?" she whispered into his mouth, tasting every sound he made while pumping him agonisingly slow. "God, you're so hard. Is this for me?"

"Fuck, Bambi."

"Say you're hard for me."

"I'm—I'm hard for you."

"Hmm," she hummed and bit lightly onto his bottom lip. "It's so big in my hand, always makes me feel so full. God, I want your big cock in my tight—"

"Move in with me."

If a four-word sentence could instantly kill the mood, that would be it.

"What?" Y/N's face was almost paralyzed when she pulled away.

Harry had blurted out many things he shouldn't have said during sex with other people, like those couple of times he had called out her name instead of whoever he was with. But never had he been more embarrassed than this moment right now.

Cheeks turning red, the man sat up with his back resting against the headboard. His girlfriend was kneeling in front of him with her hands on her knees and waiting for him to break the silence.

"I'm sorry, I—I didn't...didn't mean that."

"You didn't?"

"Well, no. I mean...yeah, I did, but I—"

What the fuck are you rambling on about, Styles?

"I-I do want that. I want you to move in with me," he blurted with his eyes squeezed shut and when he finally opened them, she was staring at her hands, not at him anymore. He knew that question had come out at the worst moment, but he hadn't expected her reaction to be like this.

"You—you want me to live here?" She raised both eyebrows, pointing down. "In this house?"

"Yeah. I mean, you're basically living here now. It's not like anything has to change."

"It changes a lot, H. I love my flat and I...well, I just—You know..." Now it was her turn to stutter. "I mean, are you...sure this is what you want? We've only been together for three months."

"We've known each other for twelve years, Bambi."

"Still..."

It wasn't exactly an answer, but he had a feeling that it was. To say the least, he was disappointed.

"Look, it's okay. Let's just...just forget I ever asked. I'm sorry for making this weird."

"No, no! I—"

When she paused, he guessed she was trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for how she'd reacted, not an answer. But after a moment, she glanced back up and told him, "can I have more time to think?"

"Of course." He nodded quickly. "Take as much time as you need."

So that was a maybe, he assumed. A maybe was still better than a no, even though most of the time when someone said maybe, they actually meant to say no.

"You know I love you, right?" she spoke after a quiet moment. "Because I do. A lot. It's just—"

Before she could finish the sentence, he smashed his lips against hers. She tend to ramble when she got nervous or excited and that was the fastest and most effective way to shut her up. She called him rude for it but never seemed to mind.

Slowly, Harry pulled away, letting his lips brush hers. He loved the way she was gazing at him with hooded eyes and their foreheads against each other. He clasped his hands on either side of her face and whispered slowly, "I'll wait for your answer. Whatever it is, I'll love you anyway "

Y/N’s reply was only a hurried nod as she pulled him in and kissed him again.

They stopped the discussion there and went on with their usual morning routines: sex, shower, sex in the shower, breakfast, then him dropping her off at campus, and them sitting in the car for five minutes straight because she was too nervous to go on her own.

Normal people returned to uni after the summer with a new haircut or a new nose, not a new millionaire boyfriend who just happened to be a famous actor. Y/N kept telling herself she would eventually get used to it, but everyday passed by and she kept wondering when that would be.

"Want me to hold your hand?" Harry asked when he noticed the way she was pinching her thighs, and without waiting for an answer, interlocked his fingers with hers.

When they were little, she used to ask him to hold her hand as they walked to school on the day of an exam. Exams made her anxious, and even though holding his hand didn't solve that problem, it did temporarily put her at ease. Now, everyday felt like exam day...

"Want me to walk you to class too?" he joked, smirking as she gave his shoulder a nudge. "Well, if you don't feel like going to class today, maybe we could just go home and have more sex."

Giggling, she booped his nose. "You're cute. But I think I'm gonna man up and get out of this car."

"That's my girl. Keep me updated?"

"Sure, baby. Have fun at the photoshoot."

Harry kissed the back of Y/N's hand when she opened the door, but he didn't let her go right away.

"Hey! You forgot something!" He pointed to his lips, pouting like a little boy.

"You're like my mum!" she grumbled before kissing him quickly. "Bye, mum!"

"Bye, sweetie! Be good in school!"

Y/N waved her boyfriend goodbye for the last time and walked straight ahead, ignoring all these strangers' eyes on her. It was insane how just a few months ago she was a nobody on this campus. She could have worn her pyjamas to lectures and nobody would've cared. But now she couldn't even leave home without having to make sure her outfit that day wouldn't get her trending on Twitter. To be honest, it was nice how he loved showing her off to the world and was proud of having her as a girlfriend. She really hoped their relationship would be considered normal once she'd become a famous writer. Well, if she became a famous writer.

"Another agent rejected me today!"

"Good morning to you too, Y/N!" Alice giggled as Y/N took a seat in front of her at the library desk. "Did they give you feedback this time?"

"Nope. Just 'wish you the best of luck in the future'. That was all they could come up with and they had the nerve to say no to my book!" Y/N breathed angrily and turned to see Alice raising an eyebrow at her. "Sorry. I got a bit riled up."

"Really? I couldn't tell."

Y/N chuckled as she jokingly flipped her friend off. "Anyway, I know I'm supposed to get used to rejection because JK Rowling also got rejected twelve times before becoming the JK Rowling but—"

"Y/N, Y/N," Alice cut her off and reached out to hold her hand. "Your book is great! I'm sure you'll find an agent who appreciates your talent. If not, you can always ask Harry to hook you up with someone."

"Taking advantage of my boyfriend's name and connections would be the last thing I would want to do, thank you," Y/N said while kneading her temples, making Alice laugh.

"It's only the third time you've been rejected. Relax!"

Relax.

Y/N didn't know how to do that anymore.

It wasn't just her book. It was also Harry, their relationship, and her newfound 'fame'. Maybe people didn't want to work with her because of what they'd heard. Maybe they were afraid that she'd be known as Harry Styles' girlfriend and not for her writing. Or maybe her book just wasn't good enough. Either way, it sucked.

But those things were just minor problems at the moment. Alice must have thought they were driving her crazy, but the truth was, she was so stressed out about her boyfriend's question that even the tiniest problem could trigger her. She wished she could've just said yes. In fact, she had almost said yes. After all, he had a good point. It wouldn't make a big difference because they were practically living together now. Still, there was something so scary about moving in with someone you'd only been dating for three months.

If something happened and you two broke up, you wouldn't have a place to go back, physically and emotionally, which was why she never wanted to rely on him. She needed to make sure that she could still get back up on her own if something went wrong. Y/N just didn't know how to explain that without making it sound like she was sceptical about their relationship. She had never been more sure about anything else. But then again, nobody could predict the future. And seeing how fragile he was after losing his stepfather, she didn't think it'd be a good idea to have this conversation now.

"Hi!"

The high-pitched voice pulled Y/N back to reality. She and Alice both looked up and saw a brunette with the kind of smile that they would put on the university's brochures. Without waiting for Y/N to figure out if they'd met before, the girl extended her hand and said enthusiastically, "my name is Mandy and um...I'm a big fan of Harry...your boyfriend. Nice to meet you!"

"Oh, okay...Hi.” Y/N smiled awkwardly as she shook the girl's hand. Meanwhile, Alice was trying her best not to crack up.

Mandy happily went on, "there's a new club opening tonight and I'm going there with my friends for a girls' night. So if you're interested, you should totally come with us."

"I appreciate that you asked but—"

"We'll be there for sure!"

Y/N's jaw dropped when Alice gave her an unapologetic grin after taking the offer on her behalf. Mandy, however, seemed overjoyed. "Great!" She clasped both hands together. "I'll send you the address on Instagram. My friends will be so happy to meet you."

The girl left as quickly as she'd arrived, but Y/N was still sitting there and staring at Alice with her mouth agape. It took her a moment to speak, "no! I won't be there! Are you insane? This is a trap!"

"Y/N, don't be crazy."

"They want me to come so they can pull some shit and embarrass me!"

"Or..." Alice lifted her shoulders, "they just hope you'll bring your celebrity boyfriend. If he can't make it, they still get to hang out with his girlfriend. It's a win-win situation."

Sucking in a breath, Y/N blew out her cheeks and ran her hands over her face.

"It's been hard, isn't it?" Alice asked.

"So fucking hard!"

"Don't worry, big sis. I'll be your bodyguard tonight."

Y/N rested her head on one hand while Alice was holding her other. It didn't feel as good as when Harry did it, but it'd do for tonight. She hoped so.

Before the drama last year, her life used to revolve around partying, drinking, and writing. Now she spent most of her time on her own or with Harry, and as much as she enjoyed this new lifestyle, she still missed the good old days.

Thanks to Alice's motivational talks, she had gained enough confidence to let herself be excited for tonight. She had put on makeup and a cute outfit and even curled her hair. She was ready to have fun. But all that excitement only lasted until she arrived at the club.

"Is that Harry Styles' girlfriend?" someone said as soon as she walked in.

People were staring at her like she'd shown up in her sleeping gown, but she turned a blind eye to them all and followed her new friends to the bar. It might take more than a couple of drinks for her to relax.

Alice, on the other hand, was really enjoying the atmosphere and bobbing her head to the loud rock song she normally wouldn't listen to.

"What's with the long face? Have some fun, sis!" she told Y/N, who responded with a snort and a side-eyed look. She was just about to say something to justify her being awkward when a guy and a girl walked up to her and Alice and asked if they could have a picture with her. That had never happened before so Y/N could only smile as the guy handed Alice his phone.

"Right, I'm not dating an actor," Alice mumbled, rolling her eyes.

Y/N managed to contain herself until the strangers left and then started bouncing like a little girl. "I'm famous for no reason, Al! I feel like a Kardashian, but in a good way."

"I told you it wouldn't be so bad, didn't I? Come on, let's dance!"

Alice grabbed Y/N by the arm and dragged her to the dance floor. It was only then that Y/N allowed her body to move freely to the music. She loved the quiet life, but she relished the crazy fun times like this when there was no distraction and intrusion. Tonight she would be that main character in a rom-com, just having fun with her friends and not giving a fuck about anything else.

But then, she saw him.

Like a ghost, he disappeared and reappeared every time the light flicked from red to blue. Or maybe it was really a ghost that she'd seen. The thing about ghosts was that they weren't always the spirits of the dead, they could also be memories and people you had lost as you grew up, and sometimes those were the things that haunted you forever.

"Blake..." the name slipped out of her mouth as she watched the man say something to his friends and make his way to the nearest exit.

Her entire body went stiff. The music was muffled as the buzzing in her ears became louder and louder. She'd had only one drink, she couldn't have been so drunk that she started seeing things that didn't exist. That could've been someone who looked like him. Someone with the exact crooked smile, black hair, and pale eyes. She told herself that only to push her way through the crowd and go after the man.

Just like Alice in Wonderland, she knew she shouldn't have followed the white rabbit, but she was too curious to let him go. What if it really was Blake? Then what? What would she do?

Before she could process those thoughts, a person bumped right into her at the door and almost knocked her over.

"Watch where you're going!" she snapped at them, but then her eyes were wide with shock. "Isaac?"

"Smiley!" Isaac exclaimed, looking more uneasy than happy to see her. "What...what are you doing here?"

"Girls' night out." She pointed to Alice and the girls. "What about you?"

"Oh, I'm here...um..with a friend. Are you in a hurry?"

Y/N glanced back to the exit, staring longingly for a moment and then heaved a sigh. "No, I thought I saw someone I knew, but...never mind. What's happening with you?" she changed the subject. "I haven't seen or heard from you since the funeral. Harry is having dinner with Niall tonight, I thought you were with them."

"Well, Niall asked me to come but I've got plans," Isaac said, staring at the drink in his hand.

She found it odd that they hadn't made eye contact for more than a second, but she didn't want to think too much about it right now.

"About the funeral..." he trailed off. "How's H?"

"Where do I even start?"

"It's that bad?"

"Well, he keeps saying he's fine but I don't think he is," she breathed. "His mother is heartbroken and he cannot stay with her because he still has to go to work."

"That's awful..."

"Yeah, he's been worrying too much about Anne that he doesn't give himself time to grieve."

Isaac didn't respond as he threw his head back and gulped the rest of his drink. He seemed nervous and distracted tonight, which was nothing like him. Was there something about this club that got people acting strange?

"So where's your friend?" Y/N changed the subject again to help him loosen up, but if anything, it only made him tenser.

"My friend?" He cleared his throat. "Yeah, about that, I—"

"Y/N?"

Y/N turned around when she heard her name, and in front of her was a girl, brunette and petite. She skipped the introduction and jumped right in for a hug and Y/N's first instinct was to shove her away.

"What the fuck? Who the fuck are you?!"

"My name is Emilia," the girl said abruptly. "Emilia Styles..."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Y/N snorted and squinted her eyes at Isaac, but Emilia didn't give the man a chance to think of a response.

"I thought you said she knew! Were you lying to me?"

"Please let me explain! Emi!"

"What the fuck?!" Y/N caught his wrist before he could run after the girl. "How about you explain to me what just happened!"

"Look, Smiley. I gotta—"

"No!" She gritted her teeth, her grip only tightened. "You're not going anywhere until I have my answer! Did she say her name was Styles?!"

Isaac tossed his head back and took a deep breath while Y/N was patiently waiting for his explanation. He was stuttering again. It'd all he'd been doing tonight and she'd thought it was weird at first, but now it was really getting on her nerves.

"She's Harry's half-sister," he finally said. And Y/N stilled for a second.

"Harry doesn't have a—" Then, it hit her. "Oh, fuck..."

"Yeah..." Isaac gave a nod when her fingers loosened around his wrist and she eventually let him go.

"Does Harry know?"

"No." He shook his head. "I met her in a cafe two months ago."

"Have you met...him?"

The man swallowed and slowly shook his head again. "But he...um...he knows about me and that I'm friends with Harry."

"So let me get this straight." Y/N took a few steps backwards until she was standing against the wall. "You've known this girl for two months and you haven't said anything to us?"

"I couldn't. You two were in Europe and then there was the funeral. I didn't want to break this news to Harry when he'd just lost his stepfather!"

"Then why did you tell Emilia that I knew about her?!"

"I fucked up, okay?!" Isaac buried his face into his palms, his head hung low. Y/N had never seen him like this before. He was supposed to be the one who kept people calm no matter how bad the situation was. He was Isaac. The Isaac she knew never freaked out!

"She was very eager to meet Harry," Isaac uttered as he tugged at his hair and ignored the look of doubt she was giving him. "She asked me to introduce her to you both but—"

"But you knew Harry wouldn't want to meet her, and you didn't want to let her down, so you lied."

That wasn't even a question because it was the answer. And honestly, Y/N didn't know how to feel about this. Disappointed? Maybe. Worried? Yes. Probably scared too. There was no way Harry could take this news better than she had.

"You're telling him tomorrow."

"What?"

"You heard me." She crossed her arms. "You're only making it worse by keeping a secret from him."

"Didn't you just say he was going through a lot?"

"Yes. That's why you can't let him find out the truth by himself, he has to hear it from you."

Isaac opened his mouth to argue, but he came up with nothing because she was right. There was no excuse for him to continue keeping this a secret.

"I will," he said at last and she finally let go of that sigh of relief. "But please don't say anything to him. I'll talk to him first thing in the morning."

"Alright." Y/N bowed her head. So much for a fun night, she told herself.

.

.

.

"Stop checking your phone, Harold!"

"Sorry, I just—"

"Put it away!" Niall said as he reached across the table and turned off Harry's screen. "I didn't take you out to dinner so you could stare at the screen all night. Were you even listening to what I was saying?"

"Yes, you were telling me about your ex, Beth."

"Jess."

"Yeah, her." Harry shrugged and drank down the last of his wine.

"Who were you texting?" Niall gestured at his phone, raising an eyebrow. "Was it Y/N?"

"No, she's out with her friends. I'm waiting for her to text me back."

"Chill out, mum." The singer chortled as he leaned back in his chair. "You remind me of my high school girlfriend who didn't give me space."

"I'm not clingy!"

"Didn't say you were. You said it yourself."

Harry rolled his eyes at his best friend's snarky remark but then went on anyway, "I'm just afraid she's mad at me or something."

"Why? What happened?"

"This might be embarrassing but," he said with a pause, "I asked her to move in with me...right when we were about to have sex."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah...It's dumb. I know."

"Fuck yeah it's dumb!" Niall slammed his hand on the table and three other people turned to look at him but he didn't care. "Well? What did she say?"

"She said she'd think about it, but I might have scared her a little."

"Or maybe you're just overthinking." Niall calmly adjusted his napkin and poured himself another glass of wine. "Being angry about something so insignificant just doesn't sound like Y/N to me. I think you should ask her how she really feels."

Harry put down his phone at last, his eyebrows furrowed. "Should I?"

"Why not? I know this whole serious relationship thing is new to you but communication is key. I mean, just look at me and Jess."

"You were together for a week and I haven't even met her."

"Exactly! That's why you don't wanna end up like us, Harold."

For almost seven years they'd been friends, that was the first time Niall had given him good relationship advice. So Harry decided to listen to the man and stop by his girlfriend's place after dinner.

He left her a text to let her know he was coming, but she probably didn't bother to check her phone. Why couldn't she be one of those people who couldn't live without their phones? He loved that about her, but her missing his texts and calls constantly could be frustrating.

Harry was out of breath when he climbed five floors to get to his girlfriend's flat. It'd been over a year, and the lift was still broken. How could she do this everyday? If he was her, he would've moved out as soon as he could; but he didn't come tonight to tell her that, of course.

Before Harry could ring the doorbell, his phone buzzed with two new messages.

⌲ Grumpy Little Deer: I'm almost home.

⌲ Grumpy Little Deer: You won't believe who I saw at the club.

He was just about to ask who it was, but then he heard footsteps going up the stairs.

Y/N appeared with a weary smile and immediately went in for a long passionate kiss. She smelled like alcohol mixing with the sweet scent of perfume that he loved, and he almost whined when she pulled away.

"What's that?" she asked, staring at the paper bag in his hand.

"Oh, right." He smacked his forehead, chuckling. "I thought you might be hungry, so I bought you noodles from your favourite Chinese restaurant."

"Aww, yes! I'm really hungry," she said and kissed him on the cheek. "I swear I've gained a lot of weight since we started dating."

"Your perfect boyfriend puts all your exes to shame, doesn't he?" Harry popped his dimples at his own joke, but she said nothing and only smiled in return.

"So, earlier at the club—"

"Wait!" He grabbed her hand. "Before you tell the story, can I say something first? It's kind of important."

"Oh, okay, s-sure." Y/N nodded, looking a bit worried and puzzled as he sucked in a shaky breath.

"I want to..um...apologise for this morning. I think I came off as a bit too pushy when I asked you to move in with me. You're not ready yet, and it's fine if you want to say no. Just know that I would never pressure you into doing anything you're not comfortable with. And if you think I'm being too clingy, you can tell me anytime."

"What are you talking about? You're not clingy." The girl squinted her eyes as she cupped his cheeks. "Baby, you're not. I love being around you."

"Really?" Harry said under his breath, his lips curved into a bashful smile.

"Absolutely!" She scoffed. "So don't you ever say that again or I'll—"

Without letting her finish, he pulled her closer to a full-body contact and buried his face into the crook of her neck, freezing her to the spot. His strong grip had told her everything he didn't want to say, and the story that'd been on her mind since she left the club had gone out of the window.

After a quiet moment, he pulled away and another smile appeared. "Who did you see at the club?" he asked.

Y/N's brain started screaming 'Blake, Blake, Blake' as her lips parted and she began to stutter, but what came out of her mouth wasn't that name.

It was, "your half-sister."

Watching his smile slip slowly, she wished she could just take back those words. She was supposed to tell him she'd seen Blake, or at least someone who looked like Blake, and nearly had a heart attack on the dance floor. But she had chickened out and ended up breaking the promise to Isaac. She had never felt shittier.

"H-How?" was all he said, his trembling fingers were withdrawn from her face.

"I ran into Isaac," she admitted. "He was with this girl...Her name was Emilia. He said she was your half-sister..."

Harry's face twisted before slowly turning blank. Y/N felt her heart pounding in her chest as she started second-guessing what his next move would be. She expected him to say something. Anything. But then he shoved the paper bag in her hand and stormed off, leaving her no choice but to chase him down the stairs.

.

.

.

"Okay, where the fuck is she?!"

"Harry!" Y/N shouted when her boyfriend shoved Isaac aside and charged into his living room. She stood at the door, pale with fright, and the regretful look in her big eyes had told Isaac everything he needed to know.

He clenched his jaw, staring her down in disbelief. "You fucking told him?"

"I—"

"Do not speak to her that way!"

"You need to calm down, mate," Isaac told Harry as Y/N rushed forward to stand between them, pushing them apart.

"Calm down?" Harry laughed bitterly. "You don't get to tell me to calm down, mate."

"Baby, please, don't—"

"And don't fucking raise your voice at my girl. She told me the truth, which you've been keeping from me for two fucking months!"

Isaac stayed quiet, only giving Y/N one last glance before turning away. She knew what that look meant. If she was Isaac, she wouldn't forgive herself either.

"Why...why don't we all sit down and...and talk about this?" she stuttered, one hand holding her boyfriend's shoulder, the other pressing against his chest, but neither of the men paid attention to her now.

"Why did she come to you?"

"She didn't come to me. I met her by accident." Isaac drew in a long breath. "It's a long story, so please calm down and then we'll talk."

As Harry leaned on Y/N for support, Isaac leaned against the door. Once the silence had filled up the room, Isaac was the first to speak.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier...All of this is my fault. But Emilia didn't lie about who she was, H. She's shown me photos of her parents."

"So you haven't met him?" Harry glanced back up to meet his best friend's gaze. "That man."

"No." Isaac rubbed the back of his neck. "But Emilia told him about you and he wanted to see you."

"Bullshit." Harry exhaled a laugh as he looked away, his lips drew back in a snarl. "That fucking asshole could've 'wanted to see me' twenty years ago, but guess what?"

"I know you're mad at him—"

"No, not at all!" Harry chimed in, interrupting Isaac. "You can only be mad at the people you care about. And I don't want to have anything to do with that man or his family."

"Emilia did nothing wrong. If you would at least talk to her—"

"I don't fucking care. Tell this Emilia girl I don't want to see her and I don't want her to bother the people I love."

Isaac tossed his head back and inhaled deeply when Harry stormed out of the room, but Y/N was still standing there, tugging at her earlobe.

"I'm so sorry, I—"

"Please leave," he cut her off, putting his head in his hands.

"No, you don't get it. I didn't tell him on purpose!"

"Y/N." The way he said her name made her shiver. "Just leave."

Y/N clenched her fists as her shoulders slumped. He didn't even look at her when he called her by her name, not Smiley, so she guessed she should go. Enough damage had already been done tonight.

She left his house with her head hung, and he slammed the door right behind her. She deserved that. But Harry didn't. Now he was sitting in his car with his forehead on the steering wheel and didn't even flinch when she got in and shut the door. So she sat there for almost a minute, just pinching her thighs, not knowing how to start.

"I'm so sorry," he spoke, at last, his voice was shaking as he lifted his head to look at her. "I don't want to get angry and raise my voice when you're around. Like...like that night in the hospital."

"But you weren't yelling at me."

"Still, I shouldn't have yelled. Whenever I yell, I lose someone I care about," he whispered, twisting the silver signet ring she'd given him on his birthday. "Do you think I'm a bad person for not wanting to see that girl?"

"Of course not." She took his hand away from the ring and placed it on her thigh. "The only bad person here is your dad. And you shouldn't let his mistake many years ago make you feel like this is your fault."

With a gentle smile, Harry reached out his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. He looked into her eyes, thinking for a bit. "You know, I used to wish he would come back one day. I believed that would fix everything and our family would be happy again. But as I grew up, I realised some people left for a reason. And most of the time, it was the same reason they should never return. I-I just...What if he tries to get back in touch with my mum? I don't want him to ruin everything, Bambi...Not again."

"He won't. We won't let him." She held his neck and stroked his cheek with her thumb. "I'm sure Isaac will respect your decision and ask the girl and her father to stay away. Everything will be fine."

Neither of them knew for sure what could happen next, but hearing it from her put him at ease. Pressing her lips against his, Y/N gave him a reassuring smile. "Want me to hold your hand?"

"Yes, please," he said, making her chuckle as their fingers intertwined.

.

.

.

"You're not coming up?"

"No, thank you.” Harry put on a grin as he watched his Bambi unbuckle her seatbelt and open the door. "I think it's better if I spend some time on my own."

"See? You wouldn't get this option if we lived together," she said and snorted when he raised an eyebrow. "Too soon?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry." Beaming, she folded him in her arms and gave him a chaste kiss. "Goodnight, baby. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Bambi, wait."

Harry quickly rolled down the window as she turned back, putting one hand on the top of his car.

"I forgot to ask you if you had fun with your new friends."

"Oh, yeah..." She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, smiling at her feet. "They were nice. And some random people asked for a photo with me!"

"Ooh, you're famous for no reason now, like the Kardashians, but in a good way."

"Exactly!"

The way her nose crinkled when she laughed never failed to make his heart jumpy.

"Goodnight, kid. I love you."

"I love you more," Y/N said before they shared one last kiss. And she stood there, waving goodbye until his car was gone.

It was 2 AM. Y/N felt like her legs were falling apart as she climbed all those stairs up to the fifth floor. After a whole year of filing complaints about the broken lift in this building, she had come to terms with the fact that they would never have it fixed. She could either suffer once in a while, or move in with Harry and never have to suffer again.

That should be added to the pros and cons list of living alone and moving in her boyfriend. She would make that list later, now she couldn't wait to fall into bed and sleep until noon.

Boyfriend: 1

Y/N: 0

Caught up in her random thoughts, Y/N almost didn't notice the empty boxes in the hallway. It seemed like someone had finally moved into the flat in front of hers, but honestly, she didn't care. She'd never talked to her old neighbours anyway, so it wouldn't matter if she didn't say hello to her new one.

The girl was digging through her bag to look for the key when she heard footsteps on the stairs. They stopped right behind her, then a familiar voice that she wished she hadn't recognised froze her to the spot.

"Y/N?"

[my-autistic-things]

Guess who's making a "how to manage dealing with a massive list of edits" post instead of working on said edits! Me!

Ok so this has taken me FOREVER to really figure out and implement in my life so I thought I'd make a post about it. This is how I deal with getting edits back after sending in a paper (specifically my thesis proposals) to my mentor.

Step 1. Open the document.

This is the absolute hardest step. No seriously. It is. You get the email back, you see the attachment with their initials at the end of the doc name, you know there's edits in there, the email says "here you go! Good work!" That day, ASAP, download that attachment and open it briefly, to scan just how terrifying this task will be.

Step 2. Close it and cry. (Tears are optional but the soul crushing feeling of being on your 5th round of edits is not).

It's okay, deal with it tomorrow. Seriously, go work on something else while you emotionally recover.

Step 3. Mentally prepare yourself to do the edits.

Put it on your to do list for tomorrow. Then when you don't do it, put it on the next day. And the next day. Even when you know it's impossible to get to, put it on there because the stress will build and you'll eventually get to it and Not forget it exists (vvvvv important).

Step 4a. Actually start your edits by opening the doc.

Don't set out like you're going to do everything in one sitting. Open the document with the intention of Starting, not doing. This is a mental battle. Yes battle. Having a good strategy will trump any "smarts" or writing ability you have.

Step 4b. Get out a notebook to write down what you have to do.

If you have do a split screen and can write in a separate document, go ahead, but I found that the absolute only way I can make progress is if I fullscreen my doc and have a notebook and pencil to write stuff down. Now you have 1) doc open, 2) notebook in front of you. Yes these are considered a whole ass step bc they are.

Step 5. Go through and accept all the edits and write down things to do as they come up.

Skip that "read your edits first!" bullshit, you won't, you'll just get stressed, then you gotta reread it all over when you actually start editing. Dive right into dipping your toe in. DO NOT start fully editing. Look at each revision and decide if it's a Quick Fix (i.e. click "accept change" in Word) or a Task. If it's a Quick Fix, go ahead and do it. If it's a Task, even if it's just revising a singular sentence, write it in your notebook. Don't worry about an order/priority/anything, just write everything down. If you're doc is longer than a few pages (mine is 26 so...yeah) write down the page number along with the Task.

Step 6. Organize your Tasks.

Now you have gone through your whole doc and there's no little spelling errors, grammar mistakes, or simple edits to make. And most importantly, you have a list of bigger edits to do, start to group the Tasks. This is when it starts to get super individualized (to you, your paper, and your mood). I start with going through and marking with a line anything I am in the mood for, can do, or should do today (or first, and by first I mean "now" vs "ehhhh later").

Step 7a. Go through your marked Tasks and make more marks.

Only focusing on the initially marked Tasks, start to group them into stuff you can do together. For me, this is any simple info that needs to be inputted or sentences that need editing. My dash next to these Tasks gets turned into plus mark. Note this is the simplest edits I will need to make. You can also designate the initial dash to be its own grouping, but it should naturally end up like that at the end.

Step 7b. Go through marked Tasks again and do the same thing with a different grouping.

Relooking at my dashed Tasks, excluding my + Tasks, I make more groupings. Now it's more time consuming stuff like finding more resources, or rereading sources to be able to accurately edit the sentence. This new group now get more lines to be an asterisk!

Step 7c. Make even more marks!

Can your Tasks be further grouped??? Probably! If you have a short paper, maybe you only have like two groupings, but maybe you have like 5. Who knows! Get creative with your marks! The Tasks I'm designating as last/a lot of work and comprehension are an asterisk with a circle around them. If it's been a few weeks since you asked for edits, you probably will need to work A LOT harder on paragraph and key sentence revisions if you out those first than if you put them after you've been immersed in your topic for a couple hours.

Step 7d-z. Keep making groupings depending how many Tasks you have. I'd suggest keeping it to 2-5 Tasks per group so it's manageable but not excessive. For this particular round of edits, I have 5 groups and that's perfect.

Step 8. Find the easiest/quickest group and do all those Tasks.

My first grouping I made of sentence edits will be the easiest I think, so I'll do that first! If you're motivated and inspired to do a harder group, go for it! But again, do something that will allow you to start really working without being overwhelmed.

Step 9. Cross off all the First Group Tasks you've done!

Yes this is its own step! Cross them all off! You did a good job! Erase them! Get a Sharpie and black that line out of existence! Yay!

Step 10-?. Keep doing the Tasks in each group until you're out of groups and Tasks!

Step 11-?. Cross off the groups and Tasks! Seeing your progress visually makes a big difference! You got this!

Step 12. Read over any non-task comments your teacher/mentor has made and/or your entire paper. Make sure everything makes sense!

Step 13. Save the doc with the date you finished your edits (or fudge it and say sorry forgot to send it to you lol) and send it back to your teacher/mentor (if applicable; if you only get one round and it's not a proposal or something then you'd just submit it). In your email, briefly go over what you did. This is when grouping tasks really comes in handy because I can reference "oh yeah all these edits were x type of edits" and I can say "I accepted all your in-text edits and made the sentence changes you suggested. Additionally, I added abc sources and rearranged the order of the paragraphs specified." This also avoids your mentor re-reading everything and giving you MORE edits on everything (bc they will; this round my mentor is editing his own words from past sentence edits at various places lol) and just focusing on the key changes you made and need feedback on.

Step 14. Take a nap! Seriously! Reward yourself for doing such a Big Thing and take a break! Don't immediately go onto the next assignment, make sure your brain separates *chunk of edits* from *other simpler assignments* so it isn't mentally a whole block of *work*.

I hope this helps somewhat??? Or someone can reference this when coming up with a way to tackle feedback that works for them. I'm starting grad school next year (hopefully) which will actually be a reduction in long-term research projects lmao but I will be having more Giant papers that will receive feedback. Having a system, or knowing options is so incredibly helpful for me because when I read what other people do I can be like "nope not doing that" and it can help narrow down what would work for me. Most importantly, just break up your work into a lot of different sections! It helps with (poor) executive functioning, motivation, and brings it out visually so you can mentally tackle what you're doing instead of "ahhh ~lots of edits~"

[artificialqueens]

The Goode Case, 1/14 (Jaida/Jan) - Juno

Summary: The case of the missing heiress and NYU senior Gigi Goode throws New York detective Jaida, along with her colleagues Brita and Jackie, into a mystery. Especially when the case takes a paranormal turn. And Jaida is not ready to face her truth. 

Chapter Summary: Being on call on a Saturday is a drag, but a clue and two witnesses can’t wait until Monday. Not when it’s been thirty-six hours since Gigi Goode disappeared.

(A/N: Hi all - after lurking for a while I’m posting for the first time! The ship(s) are REALLY slow burn, and the whole fic is huge by complete accident, so if you’d rather read it on AO3 it’s over there too. So here’s the insane detective au that no one asked for. I hope you enjoy!)

Saturday 28th October

9.30AM

It wasn’t the usual alarm that made Jaida roll over sleepily, even though initially she thought it was. 

She liked to organise her life separately, and that included her phone tones. One tone for family, one tone for Heidi and her other closest friends, one for colleagues, and one for strangers. Of course sleep threw her memory out of the window, and in thinking she was hitting the sleep button, she inadvertently declined the call instead.

The phone sounded again a few seconds after Jaida had closed her eyes and thrown her arm back over her face, drifting back into her dream. This time, coming to, she picked up the phone and peered at the screen. Jackie’s name had come up. 

Of course, she realised – it was a work tone, not an alarm.

“This is Hall.”

“Jaida, I think there’s been an update on the case you’re on.” 

How did Jackie sound so put-together this early on a Saturday? And how would she know about the case anyway? Brita was heading it, while Jackie had been working on something different. Surely Brita would have been the one to call?

“What’s the update?” 

“Something to do with the abandoned property on Westfield Avenue.”

“You mean the old Visage guest house?” Jaida rubbed her eyes. “What does that place have to do with anything on the case? You know damn well it’ll just be more kids playing around. Brita and I got called there to break up a party or something three weeks ago.”

“I’m not sure. But what I do know, is that it will be me and you. And you know what that means, don’t you?”

Jaida nodded grimly. 

Jackie’s – unusual – talents weren’t really publicly known, but they weren’t really unknown either within the office.

“If you nod, I can’t hear you.”

“Okay okay, I’m getting up.” Jaida stifled a yawn. “Is it plain clothes or uniform?”

“Uhm,” Jackie paused, “I didn’t catch that part. But don’t come round yet. Just wait for Brita to call you. Don’t tell her I called first, you know how she gets.”

Jaida put down the phone, stretched and rolled to the edge of the bed, sitting up. 

“Phone call from Brita in five, four, three …”

Her phone was ringing again before she could even finish counting. This time it was the friend tone, she saw Brita on her screen, in a selfie they had taken together. 

While Jackie was still relatively new to the team, Brita and Jaida went way back. Three long years on the team as Detectives, and even with Brita’s recent promotion to team leader, half a step below Sergeant, they were still tight. Jaida preferred to keep some separation, but Brita had graduated to a friend, not just a colleague.

 “This is Hall.”

 “Jaida. Wait. You’re awake?” Brita sounded incredulous.

“Sure.” 

“On a Saturday?”

“Girl …”

“… before noon?”

“Shut up, Brita.”

There was silence for a few moments. “Has Jackie already called you?”

“No,” Jaida said, but she knew it was a little too fast.

Brita sighed on the other end of the phone. “She’s really starting to get on my nerves. I told her not to do her telepathic stuff on me unless I ask her to, or like, I’m unconscious at a crime scene. I don’t need her reading my mind whenever Chief gives me an update on a case.”

“I don’t think she can always control it, especially if you’re shocked by something. And you know she doesn’t normally. You said you can feel it when she does it! That’s more than what I can do.” 

“Anyway, a clue has been found at the old Visage guest house. The one that’s been abandoned since the 80s. A gold anklet. Check your email when I ring off for the photo and the updated report on the case.”

Jaida sighed. “Plain or uniform?”

“Plain, until we know more. Can you be here at eleven?”

“Sure.” Like she had a choice.

When Brita hung up, Jaida sent a quick text to Heidi, who she’d promised to meet today for a shopping trip.

Jaida: Heidi Aphrodite x

Heidi: hey gorg xx

Jaida: Hey, got an emergency at work. Can’t come out today. Sorry, will make it up to you next Saturday if you want? 

Heidi: Jai you promised! How am i gonna look hot tonight for my date without u to get me fashion tips? Xx

Heidi: im gonna look like a witch lmao x

Jaida: Sorry H. She gonna love u anyway though! And no you won’t look like a witch! Xx

Eleven was pushing it, so Jaida opted for a pair of plain black jeans with a black polo neck sweatshirt, the first things to appear before her in what she called her “boring shelf” of her drawers, where she had the plain clothes for work. There wasn’t even any time for makeup really – she just swiped a layer of mascara and lip gloss and seized her bag before heading out the door of her room.

“Hey, Widow,” she called to her housemate, who was already up and in the living room, her paintbrush in hand, holding it up to the window and using it to measure the angles of the view outside. “You get much sleep last night?”

“Not much,” Widow said, not turning from her painting, “been up since the crack of fucking dawn.” She dabbed a bit more of the orange and ran it into the colours already on the canvas, spilling some onto the newspapers on the floor, and the band shirt and long shorts she wore, which were already covered in paint. “I can’t even remember what the sun looked like.”

Jaida inspected the painting from afar, a gorgeous interpretation of the sunrise from their apartment, which faced east, in Widow’s favourite set of acrylics. 

The sun had long risen already and was now behind some dark clouds, but Widow was working partly from the outside, and partly from a photo she’d taken from her phone. Her strokes were frantic, paint dotting the newspapers that she always put down.

“Did you even try to sleep last night?” Jaida asked warily.

“Bitch of course I did, but I can’t sleep much right now, you know how it is.” Widow wiped her brow with her forearm and reached down to the table behind her for the mug of black coffee she’d poured herself. 

“There’s some coffee in the pot if you want some?”

“Nah, I got to work. Emergency.”

“You’re fucking married to your work, Jai,” Widow said sadly, picking up the brush again and dipping back into the orange, still not looking at her. “There’s more to life.” 

Jaida wanted more than anything to stay here and comfort Widow, but she knew she’d miss the bus if she stayed much more. Instead she went to give her a kiss on the cheek and a one-armed hug before seizing her coat and bag and heading out the door. 

It was October, late October, and it was already turning cold this year. Jaida tugged her coat around her and blew into her hands as she stood waiting for the bus. Once she was on, it was a long ride into the city, and she got to settle into her seat and finally open her email. 

The photo was just a photograph of an anklet sent from a phone, on the white table so as to make it stand out. But the report that Brita had attached, it was the Goode case. 

Jaida frowned. Brita and Jaida had been working on that yesterday, but Jackie was on a different case, so that couldn’t be right. And it wasn’t like Brita not to double-check exactly what she was sending her. She’d have to check with her when she got to the office.

11.04AM

“Sorry I’m late,” Jaida lied through her teeth as she dashed into the meeting room. Four minutes was neither here nor there, but Brita was always on time for everything, and a few minutes was still a slight affront. 

Jackie, next to Brita, raised an eyebrow in a way that let Jaida know that she wasn’t convinced.

“Traffic?” Brita asked.

“Traffic,” Jaida nodded. “And that driver, he didn’t know the green light from the red one. Took the car behind beeping like crazy for him to move.”

Jackie’s other eyebrow was raised now too. Jaida didn’t feel guilty in telling a little white lie, but she did occasionally forget about Jackie’s telepathic abilities. Unlike Brita though, Jaida couldn’t tell when Jackie was hearing her thoughts, so Jackie had probably seen through her mind that Jaida had spent the last ten minutes hurriedly gulping down her Starbucks rather than in a traffic jam. Honestly, Jaida probably could have done with some more coffee, but needs must and all that. 

She gave Jackie a look, and repeated in her mind just go with it just go with it just go with it as loudly as she could think, until Jackie looked away.

“Okay, well now that you’re here, we need to discuss the morning’s itinerary,” Brita said, unfolding the paper she’d printed. “Here’s the revised report.”

“Yeah about that, I think you sent me the wrong one,” Jaida interrupted.

“I know what you’re thinking, but the new clue does seem to relate to the Goode case.” Brita nodded grimly. 

“Has Jackie been filled in on the Goode case?”

“Well, I read the report,” Jackie replied. “Georgina Goode, twenty-two, senior in fashion design at NYU, missing since Thursday night, that sound about right?”

“That sums it up, yes.” Brita unfurled the map of the area. 

“Georgina was last seen at a party on Northfield, here, on Thursday night, several witnesses have confirmed that. We’re on Saturday morning now. Last sighting was on a security camera on the corner of Northfield and Westfield, and that was at …” Brita glanced at the date stamp on the camera print out. “Eleven twenty-nine. Georgina was turning onto Westfield through that camera. The first camera on Westfield is still undergoing repairs, and the second one never caught her.”

“Could she have gotten into a car?” Jackie asked, but Brita shook her head. 

“No cars on camera were recorded on any of the streets at that time, not until eleven thirty-five. And that driver was interviewed first thing this morning. His alibi is water-tight.”

“So she’s been gone for thirty-six hours,” Jaida nodded. “And her parents are still saying she’s not home?”

Brita shook her head, chewing her bottom lip grimly. 

Jaida felt her heart sinking. The fact that Georgina was heading into the second day of being officially missing, meant that this investigation was more and more likely becoming a search for a body rather than a person. 

“And the anklet that’s been found, is it Georgina’s?” 

“We’ve yet to have confirmation from the parents, but we did get some … uh, unusual new witnesses to the case. Two students from NYU. They went to the Visage guest house to do some paranormal stuff,” Brita used her fingers to make speech marks. “They’re the ones who found the anklet, and one of claims it’s Georgina’s. They’ve agreed to interview today, at eleven thirty.”

“I thought that house was boarded up?” Jackie asked. 

“Well, one of them found a loose window. Let the other one in. And it’s a good thing they did,” Brita said darkly, “because otherwise we’d have no leads yet. And it gets more interesting from there.”

“How?”

“Come with me,” Brita beckoned to them both, “and we’ll go set up for interview. I’ll watch the monitors.”

11.30AM

The witness room had the blinds drawn to keep out the sun, for even though it wasn’t the warmest day, the windows in that room could heat it right up in a heartbeat if the sun was out. It meant that the light was on, even though it was still early. 

The two women were also seniors, as Georgina was. From the notes Jaida had been given, they were Kristen and Ava, and Jaida read that Kristen shared classes with Georgina, while Ava knew her through Kristen. One of them was trembling while the other looked quite placid. 

Jaida looked from one to the other, then down at her notepad, while Jackie sat down next to her, her eyes darting between the two witnesses as she pressed the record button. 

Jaida cleared her throat. “So, uhm, Kristen and Ava –“

“No! We’ve said this ten times already!” The more nervous of the two piped up. “I’m Crystal, she’s Aiden! Whoever wrote down our names in the lobby wrote them wrong!” Crystal, the one who was speaking, put her head in her hands, obscured by a curtain of curly red hair. Aiden put a hand on Crystal’s shoulder to calm her down.

“Sorry about my friend, she’s not normally this anxious, we’ve just had – an experience,” Aiden said quietly. 

Jackie nodded. “I understand.” 

She was trying to sound sympathetic, but Jaida caught a hitch in her voice, felt Jackie tense up suddenly. Even with their mental connection, Jaida could not read minds, so Jackie’s thoughts would have to remain a mystery for now at least. 

“I’ll adjust it now,” Jaida muttered, crossing out the names and re-writing them. “Right, Crystal and Aiden, you found the anklet in the old guest house?”

Crystal emerged from behind her hands. “Yeah, yeah we did.”

“Why were you there? Did you think Georgina would be there?”

“She – she’d mentioned something about it,” Crystal was shivering, Aiden rubbing her shoulder, seemingly encouraging her to go on.

“Do you remember what she said exactly?” Jaida asked, pen hovering over the notepad.

“She said it had been owned by a relative,” Crystal replied. “I can’t remember who, some distant relative.“ 

“The Visage family closed the house after a few controversies back in the eighties,” Jaida said. “Were the Visage family related to Georgina’s?”

“No one calls her Georgina, she’s Gigi.”

“Alright, well were they related to Gigi?”

“I mean, I don’t know, but she said they were!” Crystal’s voice was rising in pitch, shaking with emotion. Aiden continued to rub her shoulder while she took a couple of deep breaths to relax. 

Jackie’s breathing on the other hand was shaky next to Jaida, and Jaida wished that Jackie would leave the room or something, if she was getting something mentally from these girls.

“So you went to the house. Did you think Gigi was inside it?”

Jaida managed to catch Aiden, whose face had been expressionless so far, tense a muscle in her jaw and her eyes dart to Crystal, who met them before looking back at Jaida. 

“I don’t know.” Crystal shook her head. 

“You sure?” Jaida asked.

“Well,” Crystal began, but Jaida saw it clearly this time; Aiden give her shoulder a rapid squeeze, and Crystal sighed. “I thought I saw her inside. But I was wrong,” she added hurriedly. Aiden, next to her, tensed her jaw again. 

“Inside? In the building?“ 

Aiden took her hand away from Crystal. 

“I didn’t see her,” Aiden said, speaking finally, “but Crystal said she did, so I looked around and I – I found a loose board in one of the windows,” she shrugged. “I didn’t see the issue with taking it off to get in, especially if Crystal said she saw someone.” Her tone was defiant.

“You girls aren’t in trouble for going in, if you think she was there,” Jaida tried to calm her down, “but you’re saying you didn’t see her?”

Aiden paused before shaking her head. “No, I didn’t.”

“But she must have been there, because that’s her anklet! I gave her that for her birthday last December, she’s worn it ever since!” Crystal cried. 

“You recognise the anklet? In this picture?” Jaida slid the photo of it to her.

In response, Crystal leaned into her chair and raised her right leg to the table, lifting her floor-length skirt away from her ankle. She was wearing an identical anklet to the one in the picture.

“We have the same ones! Matching ones. She’s my best friend.”

Crystal was seemingly holding back tears now; and as she put her foot back on the floor, she rubbed her eyes ferociously with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry, I want you to take me seriously, I know it sounds crazy, but I know what I saw. I saw Gigi, and we found the anklet, so she must have been there.”

“So you found the anklet, but did you see any other sign of disturbance?”

“I don’t – I don’t know. We just found the anklet, and we – we left,” Crystal stuttered, glancing at Aiden as if for confirmation.

“You didn’t see or hear any people? No one in there?”

“No, no one,” Crystal said.

“You sure?”

Crystal nodded. Aiden’s left eye gave a definite twitch. 

Jackie pushed back her chair, muttering something about needing water. She stumbled to the door of the witness room, pulling it open and rushing away. 

“I think we should wrap up for now on this,” Jaida said, rapping her notebook. “But before we do, is there anything else we should know that you have that could help us with the investigation?”

They both hesitated.

“Remember that your friend is missing,” Jaida said as gently as she could. “If you know anything that could help her, you’re doing the best by her in telling us.”

Aiden shook her head slowly, biting her lower lip.

“I don’t think I do,” Crystal muttered. “But … can I call you if, you know, anything else happens?”

Jaida slid her card over the table. “Sure, any time you need to.”

She turned off the recorder and let the two students leave the room, before turning out herself, locking the door behind her. They hurried down the corridor, back to the lobby, and disappeared out of the building.

Back in the meeting room, Jaida entered to find Brita was clutching Jackie’s shoulders, Jackie still shaking in fright, a glass of water shuddering in her hand. Jaida made sure the door to the meeting room was closed.

“Child, what was that about?”

“Jaida,” Brita warned, but Jackie put her glass down on the table.

“No, Brita, I need to tell her too! She probably noticed the same thing.” Jackie sat down in the chair, joined by Brita next to her, while Jaida took an opposing seat.

“It was so … weird,” Jackie’s voice quaked with emotion, “but that girl with the short hair, Aiden, I got – I got nothing at all from her.”

“Nothing? That’s weird,” Jaida agreed. 

“Not even the whispering?”

“Nothing!” Jackie cried, pushing back her fringe. “It was so strange! I don’t think I’ve ever had that from someone! I mean, I know I have to have a connection with people to read them clearly, but most people at least whisper! I don’t get why … why I didn’t even hear that!”

“And the other one? Crystal?” Brita asked quietly.

Jackie took a deep breath to steady herself, suddenly stone-cold and calm, and looked Jaida straight in the eyes. 

“She’s like you, Jai.”

[purplesurveys]

1154

[created by: joybucket]

What was the last thing you ate? We had adobo for dinner. I didn’t find it filling though, so I might get some of my mom’s bread pudding sometime tonight as a midnight snack.

What is one thing you're a hoarder of? Receipts, for no reason whatsoever other than the frequent nagging feeling at the back of my head telling me I might need to pull out a certain receipt one of these days just in case I get into any issues, so I end up keeping all of them.

Do you collect magazine clippings? No. I used to but they’re all gone now.

What rating do you normally give surveys? I just take them on here. I visit Bzoink pretty often but I never made an account so I haven’t been able to rate the surveys I’ve taken.

Name someone you wish acted the way he/she used to. I wanna say Gab, but she’s better off figuring out who she wants to be and is meant to be for now. Otherwise, I don’t really have an answer to this; all the people I know are pretty dang fantastic.

Have you ever worked in food service? No.

What was your favorite job that you've had? I’ve only had one job, and I definitely can’t complain about it.

Does your stomach hurt currently? Nope. I’m actually on day 2 of my period, but fortunately the pain really ever only takes place on day 1 for me. The rest of my period usually goes smoothly.

What's one medication condition that you have? I don’t have any. I have one medical condition – scoliosis – but I don’t take any medication for it.

Do you forget passwords a lot? LOL yessssss, because websites have varying rules on what they can count as a password – some want 8 characters, some want 12, some want upper case letters, some want a symbol; so even though I use the same password for everything I typically have to make 84954983573475 variations of them anyway that I end up forgetting.

What is the most you've ever weighed? Not sure, maybe a little over 100 lbs.

Do you plan your wedding on Pinterest? No, I never understood how Pinterest worked :/ I lasted all of 5 minutes on there until I felt bored.

Would you want your first child to be a girl or a boy? I’d love a girl.

Who are the cutest babies on Facebook? The Song triplets will always be babies to me, no matter how big they get.

Do you refer to coral as pink, orange, salmon, or coral? Those are four different colors/shades that you’ve just named right there.... < Lmaooooooo same thoughts. I would just call it coral because that’s what it is.

Name someone whom you wish would apologize to you. I have a name in mind and you guys already know who it is. I’m at peace regardless if I get an apology or not (I definitely won’t), though – and I count that as a win. It’s absolutely batshit insane that I never heard one apology but instead got a million “Can’t you give me credit for trying?” I can’t help but chuckle every time I take myself back to those moments. Thankful I got out of there :)

Do you own a record player? I don’t, but I’d love to have one.

Do you have many regrets? No.

Do you wish your regrets would stop coming back to haunt you? I don’t have a lot of them, so I don’t let them bother me to begin with.

Have you had any regrets in the past week? Can’t say I’ve had any.

What do you not know how to say no to? Requests/favors. I’m a people pleaser through and through.

Have you ever been mad at God? Yup, that’s why I let go of religion at a very young age. I was going through shit no kid should’ve been going through and the idea that some deity is making it happen because it was supposed to encourage me have more faith was utterly stupid. I had no problem disowning whatever god I was desperately trying to latch on to by the time I was 10.

If you don't have a car, do you feel like you're missing out? I have a car. I don’t own it, but it was designated for me.

What is your favorite cousin's name? Jereth. I keep forgetting where they got his name from, but it was from like a German movie or something like that.

Who do you wish were your best friend? Hayley Williams.

Would you ever consider moving to L.A.? Never. Just never seemed like my kind of city. Not to mention the amount of Asian/Asian-American hate crimes I’ve been hearing about recently. The US is undeniably out of my list of places I’d want to step foot in, much less live in.

List 5 other names that start with the same letter of your name. Rhiannon, Riley, Rocky, Rachel, and Russell.

Have you ever known anyone who's name started with a "Y"? Yes, I went to college with a girl named Yumi. Yanna is also still a good friend of mine and we catch up every once in a while.

^If yes, what was it? Oops, mentioned them already. There are also a couple more Y people I know but I’m not close to them nor are we in the same social groups, so idk how to classify them. 

Did you hear laurel or yanny? It’s been a while since I let myself get carried away by that ~meme, but I think I heard yanny.

Owls or penguins? Penguins. But owls are great too.

What is your go-to comfort food? Probably something with grease that is fried. < This is an awesome answer. Right now though, I’ve been frequently getting spicy tuna salad every Friday to reward myself after a work week.

What is the best coffee shop in your town? Tim Hortons. < Tim Hortons is greeeeaaaat, but all the branches are in Metro Manila and not at all near me :( That said, my pick would probs be Starbucks. There’s a new local coffee shop where I live called Ghost Coffee and I had been meaning to check it out, but quarantine part two happened.

Do you prefer Pinterest or Tumblr? Tumblr, but then again don’t they have different features and purposes?

Do you think blonde is the best hair color? No.

In your opinion, what is the best hair color? I don’t think that there really is a “best” hair color... < Same. Tbh I’ve noticed that I only ever get attracted to brunettes, but I don’t think that necessarily makes it the best hair color.

If applicable, what is the name of your YouTube channel? I think it’s just my name since my account is linked to my Google.

Do you wear glasses? Yes, but I haven’t worn mine in a while since one of the legs snapped. I’ve been managing well without it, but I plan on getting a new pair soon. At least as soon as I grow the pussy to book an appointment HAHA

What's one nickname you have? Leigh calls me Robs. It’s not my favorite, but Leigh is like a sister to me so she’s the only person permitted to call me such.

What's one thing you miss? Being in crowded places and living in those moments.

Do you have a favorite spot in church? I hate being at a church; but to answer this, my very enthusiastic mom used to always pick the very front and center row for our family to sit at, so you can imagine how glad I am not to have to do this anymore because of Covid :)))

Who was the biggest bully in your high school? Bullies stopped being a thing in high school. All the friend groups just minded their own business for the most part, ours included.

Which news story has still stuck with you years later, and why? Manila hostage crisis. It was really scary and the fact that the entire thing was being streamed live on the evening news at a time when livestreaming was still a fairly unfamiliar concept made it even more unsettling.

Have you ever REALLY had a celebrity crush? On Kristen Stewart and Kate Winslet, yep. These days my eyes are on Kim Seon Ho hahaha, and I also feel a future crush on BTS’ Jungkook coming through.

Did you ever have to wear a school uniform? From preschool to high school. Didn’t have to anymore once I started college.

Do you collect washi tape? No. I neverrrrrrr saw the big deal, but then again I’m probably just not craftsy enough to see the point lmao.

Tell me something random that happened to you today. I took an afternoon nap for the first time in many months, and I woke up feeling completely disheveled and confused about the day and time. It’s been a while since I got that sensation and I did not miss it.

If you're a girl, are you on your period? I am, actually.

Are there any balloons in the room you're in right now? Yeah, the balloons we had set up for my dad for his 50th birthday celebration are surprisingly still alive. We originally had them in our accommodation in Tagaytay, but we brought the balloons home and put them up on the 2nd floor corridor, and they’re still all up there.

Do you have the windows open? I do, because the wind is actually pretty chilly tonight. I’m even wearing a hoodie in freaking April, which never happens.

What's one good name for a new puppy? Depends on their personality. It took hours for us to name Cooper, so it wouldn’t be easy to think of a name for a puppy I’ve never even met.

Would you collect antiques if you were rich? Depends on what kind, but yeah, I might consider it.

Did you dream last night? Yes.

Do you forget dreams or remember them? (or do you not dream?) I remember them in the first few minutes of waking up, but my memories of them gradually fizzle out throughout the day.

What color is your phone? Black.

Do you often have your phone on vibrate? Yes, because I often have meetings and it’s a big nuisance whenever there’s a ringtone that chimes in the middle of one.

Name something that gives you headaches. Working in front of the laptop for too long.

Do you have a secret hiding spot? My car, sometimes.

Have you ever lived in a place that had a secret passageway? Nope.

Did you play with legos as a kid? Yes, but I was never too imaginative for it. I just liked making tall towers and then dismantling them right after.

If applicable, what color is the rim of your bedroom mirror? White.

Can you be scatterbrained? Sure.

[thesoundofnat]

Three Times Peter Helped Tony

Tony, Peter

Summary: The title says it all. Ranges from bigger to smaller ways Peter helps.

A/N: I honestly wouldn’t consider this my best work, but I still kinda like it, so I’m deciding to post it anyway lmao. Hope you like it!

Also if this looks weird on your dash it’s because tumblr hates me is glitching.

[Read it on AO3]

Words: 2 463

1.

Tony was sad. He hadn’t told Peter that, of course, but Peter wasn’t stupid and knew what those brief etched on smiles and hollow eyes meant. Tony wasn’t okay. Probably hadn’t been for a while now, but this seemed more current. The wound seemed more fresh.

He knew it had something to do with the airport fight and everything that had come after that. He had seen Tony try so hard to fix everything while simultaneously making sure Peter wasn’t taking on too many battles he couldn’t handle. It stung a little to know he was a part of Tony’s stress, but if there was one thing he’d learnt about the man was that he needed the distractions more than he needed air in his lungs, lest he wanted the pain to swallow him whole.

Peter had been happy to be a distraction, at first. It was no secret that he enjoyed the older man’s company, and god knew he had a lot to learn from him. But his finals crept closer, and smaller bad guys robbing stores never stopped, and he had to handle his crush moving away before he could even properly have his chance with her, and things became slightly too much for his sixteen year old self to handle. So he had to make a choice. Avengers stuff or life stuff. He knew what Mr Stark wanted him to pick.

Now that they were reunited after several weeks of no contact - not even from Peter’s side - he could see those bags under his eyes and the lines on his face more clearly. Tony wasn’t young anymore, and all the pressure he’d been put on was getting to him. Maybe Peter had just caught him at the wrong time, but it was more obvious than ever.

“What?”

Tony was narrowing his eyes at him, and Peter realized that he’d been staring slightly too intently at him from across the table.

Peter shook his head. “Nothing! I was just wondering if maybe I should start drinking coffee.”

Tony hummed, hands gripping his cup just like Peter was gripping his own cup of tea. “Nah. Too young. I’d say wait until college. You’ll need it more then.”

“I reckon you know best.”

Tony’s lips quirked upward. “Maybe not always, but in this case I’m pretty sure I do.”

It was a strangely… normal conversation. Each time they saw each other it was always because Peter was panicking over something or Tony needed to show him new tech. That he’d been invited over for tea had been a greater shock than Tony probably realized.

“How’s school? You acing your classes?”

“Of course.”

“Social life?”

“Other than the occasional meeting with academic decathlon team I mostly just see Ned.”

“Good. About the team, I mean. It’s good that you’re keeping it up.” Tony hesitated briefly before saying, “And how’s your aunt handling this whole - thing.”

Peter squirmed in his seat. “She was very angry with me at first. And with you.”

“I figured. Did my talk with her help at all?”

“Oh, definitely. It’s taken her a while, but she’s more calm about it now as long as I tell her where I go each time.” Peter barked out a laugh. “It’s kind of annoying.”

Tony grinned. “That’s guardians to you. You’re lucky, you know.”

“I know.”

They sipped on their drinks in silence for a moment. A ray of sun had found its way between the buildings outside and illuminated the kitchen table, and Peter found himself watching it just to keep himself from watching Tony. He knew he wouldn’t appreciate being observed.

“How are you?” Peter blurted out before he could stop himself. “And Ms Potts and Mr Rhodes?”

Tony seemed a bit amused. “We’re all good, kid. Rhodey can almost walk entirely on his own now.”

Peter nodded. “So you’re all… fine?”

Tony blinked. “Relatively. Should we not be?”

“Yes! I mean, I hope you are?”

“This-” Tony shook his head. “I don’t say this often, but I’m confused.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to- I mean-”

“Kid. Just say whatever you want to say. I promise I won’t get mad or whatever.”

Peter exhaled slowly, biding his time. “It’s just… you look a little sad, s’all. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Tony’s eyebrows met his hairline. “Oh. Well, uh-” He scratched the back of his head. “I guess lying and saying I’m fine will get me nowhere.”

“You don’t have to say anything, Mr Stark. I just wanted to check.”

“No, no, it’s- it’s fine, I-” Tony shook his head. “Maybe I need it.”

Peter never would’ve thought they’d be in this position, where Tony Stark of all people attempted to put his emotions into words in order to share them with him. It was usually the other way around.

“The thing is,” Tony started, pushing his cup from hand to hand on the table. “I care more than people probably think, and sometimes it gets hard to deal with everything. Especially when people so very obviously didn’t care back. At least not to the same extent.”

That was probably the most Tony would be willing to tell him, but Peter appreciated it anyway. “Do you wanna know what I think?”

“I’m sure you’ll tell me.”

“None of them deserved you.”

Tony didn’t reply, but Peter could see a slight shift in his posture. A brightness to his eyes.

Peter made it his goal to always make sure Mr Stark remembered how important he actually was after that.

2.

Peter wasn’t sure how or even why, but when he opened his eyes he found himself in Mr Stark’s living room, and the light was way too natural for it to still be dark outside.

“What happened?” he asked FRIDAY automatically, but got an entirely different voice in return.

“You passed out. As in like, fell asleep. You weren’t knocked out or anything.”

Peter sat up a bit in order to look at Tony who was sitting in the armchair across the room from him, his attention captured by the pad in his lap. “Have you- have you just been sitting there all night?”

“Of course not. I went to my lab. Had a few hours of sleep. Went back to the lab. You dozed for over ten hours. Seriously, Parker, when was the last time you slept through the night?”

“Too long ago,” Peter muttered. “Does Aunt May-”

“All informed.”

“Oh. Good. Thank you.”

Tony snorted and finally looked up at him. “No problem. I was mostly covering my own ass.”

Peter grinned. “Right, because you don’t care about either me or her at all.”

“All right, don’t get cocky. Geez, you’ve been hanging around me for too long.” He placed the pad on the coffee table. “If you want breakfast you know where everything is.”

Peter nodded and sat up properly. He felt more awake than he had in weeks, miraculously. “How’d you sleep? Those hours you did sleep, I mean.”

Tony hummed. “I slept all right. It could’ve been better.” That Tony was willingly admitting that was a huge step. “But it was enough to function today. I’ve got so many meetings this afternoon that I’m sorta considering going into hiding.” He waved his hand around. “Never become an adult, you hear me.”

“I’m afraid it’s a little too late for that,” Peter said, the idea that he would have to apply for colleges in less than a year ever so present in the back of his mind. “You should eat too. And probably get some more coffee.”

“You sound like Pepper.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Mmm not really.”

“Then I’ll take the compliment.”

Tony laughed. “Definitely getting cocky. I can’t say I hate it, but you better be careful.”

Peter had to admit that the months he’d spent around the older man had made him much more comfortable around him and his closest friends, and sometimes he had to remind himself that snark could seem disrespectful. Fortunately Tony was fluent in snark and didn’t seem to mind.

Peter took a quick trip to the bathroom and tried in vain to get his hair to cooperate, and then met Tony in the kitchen where a glass of orange juice was waiting for him on the table. He downed it in seconds, only just then realizing how dry his throat had been. Tony watched him over his coffee in amusement.

“I have to make a call,” he said, already halfway out of the room with his cup in hand. “Make yourself at home and all that jazz.”

Peter didn’t need to be told twice.

***

“God, if a stupid phone call takes this long I cannot imagine how long the actual meetings will last-” Tony stopped in his tracks, his cup empty and his hair in disarray. “What’s this?”

Peter looked up from where he’d been scrolling on his phone. “Breakfast.”

“For me?”

“Of course.” He motioned to the toast across from him on the table. “It’s probably a little cold now, but-”

“No, no, I- that doesn’t matter, it’s-” Tony cut himself off with a shake of his head. “The only people who’ve ever made me breakfast are Pepper and Rhodey.”

Peter’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, sorry, was it insensitive? You don’t have to eat it.”

Tony grinned then. Hugely and genuinely. “Not insensitive at all.” He wouldn’t look directly on Peter, but Peter knew him well enough at this point to know it wasn’t a bad thing. “Thanks, kid,” he said as he sat. “I have to leave in like ten minutes, so I was worried I wouldn’t even have time to eat. God knows I would forget all about food once in those meetings, so this-” He grabbed his toast. “-is gold.”

Peter beamed all the way home.

3.

How Peter ended up at a movie night at Tony’s with Pepper, Rhodey and Happy was beyond him, but he was happily (and slightly awkwardly) sitting between Tony and the armrest while they tried to decide on a movie. Pepper, who was on Tony’s other side, was pointing at one of the movies on the screen, but Tony kept scrolling.

“Already seen it,” he said, glancing at her. “But you can totally have more than one choice.”

“If we’re gonna find a movie that none of us have seen it will be a miracle,” she replied matter-of-factly. “How about that one?”

“Oohh, I’ve been meaning to see it for ages,” Rhodey said from the other couch.

Happy shook his head beside him. “Not that one.”

“Why not?”

“Looks bad.”

“I agree,” Tony said and kept scrolling.

“You know what, give me the remote.” Rhodey held out his hand, but Tony barely acknowledged him.

“My house, my rules.”

“Pepper, get him to give me the remote.”

“Don’t get me involved in this.”

“You wanted to watch the movie too.”

“We can negotiate like adults.”

“That one!” Happy piped up, pointing. “I vote that one.”

Tony hummed. “It looks all right, actually.”

“Oh, you’re kidding!” Rhodey was more passionate over this than Peter would’ve expected, but he recognized the thrill that came with going against your best friend over small things. “Peter, get him to give me the remote.”

Peter really hadn’t been expecting to get dragged into this. “What, me?”

“Yes! He listens to you.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Peter blurted out, and Tony snorted.

“Cut yourself some slack, kid,” Rhodey said, voice softer.

“Actually,” Tony said, turning to Peter with a grin so big it almost scared him. “It’s a tie between two movies, but we’re an odd number. Peter’s vote can decide.”

“Do you think I’m suicidal?” Peter asked with a slight panic.

Happy, of all people, burst into laughter. “Oh, okay, you’re funny, I’ll give you that.”

Tony poked his chest. “Just choose.”

“And if I don’t want to watch either of them?”

“Then we’ll never get around to watch a thing.”

Peter had honestly not been paying much attention to the options, since he was fine with whatever. “Could- could you let me read the descriptions of them both?”

They sat in silence as Peter read. They both sounded mediocre, and Peter realized he’d already seen parts of one of them with Ned. They’d only gotten half an hour in before they’d had to turn it off. Which meant-

“I think the one Mr Stark likes sounds good,” he said, and Happy surprised him once again by cheering.

Tony clapped his hands. “That’s my boy. The night is saved.”

Those words were worth the mock glare Rhodey sent his way.

And one time Tony asked him to.

Peter had been in Tony’s lab before, but he’d never been allowed to touch anything, and today was no exception. He hovered behind Tony and tried to peek at what he was doing, which he knew was probably bothering the older man, but so far he hadn’t said anything. That was one of the things that had changed as they spent more time together. Tony got more patient with him and his curiosity.

“You think you can hand me that?” Tony suddenly asked, pointing toward the end of the table.

Peter was quick to oblige. “Of course, here you go.”

“Thank you.” He peeked up briefly to smile at him, if a twitch of his lips counted as a smile. “Actually, do you think you could hold this while I tweak it?” He handed Peter a part of the Iron suit and asked him to hold it in place against the table.

“Make sure to not move it,” he said before diving in, and Peter felt like he was dreaming. He was actually here, in Tony Stark’s lab, helping Tony Stark build one of his genius creations. Ned would freak.

To be entirely honest Peter was freaking out a little himself.

“You’re doing good,” Tony said, and Peter had to hold back a laugh lest he wanted to jostle the part.

“I’m only holding it.”

“Still.” His fingers stilled, and he took a step back to observe it. “I think that’ll do. Thanks, kid.”

Peter was eager to keep helping, but he wasn’t about to test his luck. “Is it okay if I sit in here and work on homework?”

“Sure thing.”

Life felt right in there, with Tony working away and Peter sitting on the couch taking care of his own responsibilities. Occasionally he would look up and observe his mentor, and he could occasionally feel Tony looking his way, but they didn’t talk. It was nice.

Tony still seemed sad, but he seemed to be handling it, and Peter was still happy to be one of his distractions, mostly because he was now certain Tony saw him as more than just that.

[sept-dix]

the post-it confession

summary: looks like you have a secret admirer ~~~~ a/n: requested

there is such a thing as the post-it confession

it’s a tradition that has been kept alive in your high school for the longest time

even your mom who went to the same high school like decades ago got confessed to by her first boyfriend through this post-it confession thing

the whole thing is just when someone confesses to someone they like by leaving anonymous post-it notes for them to find throughout the day

by tradition, the first post-it note is always found on the person’s locker first thing in the morning, and the last post-it should lead them to meet the person who’s confessing to them irl at the end of the day

you’ve spent several painstaking days listening to and assisting your friends who had decided to confess to their crushes through this

and the whole day they would be agonizing over what to write on each post-it and whether the person had seen the post-it and whether they would be able to correctly find them at the end of the day and what they should do once they do actually meet and on and on and on

you get the idea

and although all of that effort and thought it required made you lazy to do it for someone yourself tbh you kinda wanted to do it

esp after seeing some of your friends’ success stories with their own crushes like the whole idea and everything is just so adorable :(

but the problem is you can’t actually find a guy to confess to LOL...

you don’t have anyone you like so how can you do it

so you just admit defeat and decide to forget about it

but one day!

one day, a normal day, you walk into school and you’re so sleepy that you’re basically walking with your eyes closed

and you reach out a hand blindly to turn the lock on your locker so that you can open it and get your stuff

when you realise that there’s a ! post-it covering the lock

and at first the morning haze over your mind is so heavy that you don’t understand what’s happening

but when you finally focus on the piece of paper you see that it’s a pink post-it, on which it’s written:

“i’m taking responsibility for your morning today, drink up”

and you’re like ????wat

so you look around you to see if you could find the person who left this super vague message for you

but there’s no one around that seems suspicious so you just open your locker instead

only to find the usual cup of coffee you buy every morning before first period already inside

and you have sO many questions about this whole thing already because

1) how the heck did this person get the coffee inside your locker

2) how do they even know about this habit of yours does that mean they’ve been wATCHING you?

3) does this mean that this person,,..,,,, likes you?

you take one final look around you but you still don’t spot anyone suspicious so you just head to first period with the coffee

needless to say your friends are all superduper excited

maybe even more excited than you lmao

they’re all listing out possible candidates throughout first period (completely ignoring the poor teacher lol)

“maybe it’s that sophomore guanlin? his eyes get all big and shiny when y/n’s around”

“could be, but he wouldn’t have written the note like that”

“u right. maybe it’s kang daniel? he’s like best friends or smth with y/n’s brother right it could be one of those cute bro’s younger sis crush type of thingies”

“wow that’s an exciting thought but how could he have known about the morning coffee? he’s always playing basketball in the mornings”

“oh yeah that’s true. who usually hangs around the coffee vending machine in the morning....,,,, oH wait is it woojin??? he’s so close to y/n that would be so cute!!!!!”

on and on the conversation goes without you ever having a chance to pipe in with your own opinion

your friends’ excitement is rlly cute and it makes you even more curious about who the person is but truth be told you have absolutely no idea about who it could be

so you just slip the post-it into your pencil case and head to your next classroom for french once the bell rings

and once you enter the classroom and get to your seat you find the next post-it on your table!!!

“J’aimerais mieux te connaître.”

meaning “I’d like to get to know you better”

who is this person??? he’s been so straightforward and ,,well,, not very cutesy or anything

just as you’re going through the people in your french class to see if it could be anyone from there since the note is in french after all your table partner woojin comes in and takes his seat beside you

“hey what’s that? you got a post-it???”

“yeah lol i have absolutely no idea who it’s from though”

“oh i see, that’s good that’s great”

“what”

“i mean, yeah i have no idea who it is either i mean how would i know”

why’s he being so weird

wait a minute

“WOOJIN don’t tell me it’s you????”

“WHAT NO OF COURSE NOT”

....

“wait what’s so wrong if it was me?? are u tryna say i’m undesirable?”

“just shut up and come here and tell me if you know this handwriting”

woojin then insists that he has no clue about who the person confessing you could be and he gets super defensive about it so that’s just a little suspicious but you just give up trying to find out anything from him

when it’s finally lunchtime and you can meet your friends again, they once more freak out over the new note

“he wrote it in frenCH???? that’s the language of love!!!”

anyways you guys get your food and it’s when you head to your usual table that you find your third post-it

“if you want to know who i am, here’s a hint”

that’s all it says

so where exactly is the hint???? how can he just say here’s a hint and not follow up with the actual hint?

you and your friends practically have deerstalkers on as you guys try to understand what the hint is

“are you like supposed to look around you once you’ve read so that you’d catch a glimpse of the actual him?”

“well then it’s too late now isn’t it because it’s been nearly 15 mins since she’s read the note”

“oH i got it!!! i think the hint is like here it is as in here it is! it’s the location”

“ok but what does the cafeteria have to do with anything?? y/n have you had any cafeteria romances that you’re not telling us about”

“um,,, no...”

at some point one of your friend does accidentally mention the real hint, which is the post-it itself

it’s pink!!!! but none of you guys focus on that because well, you don’t know that’s the hint

so the third post-it note was sort of a failure on your admirer’s behalf but it’s kind of interesting

throughout the day you’ve been asking everyone around you in classes whether they recognize the handwriting on your post-its

and so of course you also ask park jihoon, who’s your lab partner for biology

“hey jihoon come here and tell me if you’ve seen this handwriting anywhere else before”

“oh! uh,,, no......”

he looks a little fidgety and anxious and you’re all “why are you so nervous? you knOW DONT U??”

and he insists that he has no idea whatsoever so you just give up again

it’s at the end of the lab when you get up to go and return yours and jihoon’s lab apparatus to their places and you came back that you see your fourth and final post-it on your side of the lab table

“meet me near the basketball court at 4″

who could have possibly left this here without you noticing when you’ve literally been in the same room?

you would’ve asked jihoon but he had already left the lab

so you’re like ok i guess i’ll just have to wait til 4

you have to admit you’re kinda nervous i mean you might be meeting the love of your life in 2 hours???

or you might meet someone whose totally in love with you but you aren’t interested in them at all so then you’d have to painfully turn them down??

or this could all have been an elaborate joke and the person who shows up at 4 could just come up to you and call you a fool for believing it? that would be really mean but it’s a possibility

regardless of what happens it’s a little nerve-wracking

so needless to say, you’re on the edge of your seat for the next two hours

and when the bell rings to indicate that 4 o’clock is here

you feel a little lightheaded

so you get all your stuff and hurry your way to the court, clutching the four post-it notes in one hand

and when you get to the basketball court you see that there’s a guy standing at the middle of it, facing away from you

you can’t really tell who it is from where you are but he kinda looks like he’s talking to himself 

so you make sure your hair and clothes are all okay and you carefully start walking towards him

and just as you reach him he turns around and oh-

it’s jihoon

wait, it’s JIHOON???

“i’m sorry, it’s just that my post-it person asked me to meet here now and i think maybe he’s late or something because i don’t see anyone else here so i think i’ll just go-” you are rambling because you can’t believe that it’s jihoon and you turn around to go when he suddenly steps forward and grabs your hand

“it’s me”

“huh?”

“your post-it person. it’s me”

“oh”

he looks down at the floor for second before looking back up at you

“y/n, i guess you already know what i’m about to say because that was the point of the whole post-it thing but i want to say it anyway. i really like you”

!!!!! it’s really happening!!

you just look at him in surprise

“and i’ve liked your for a while now”

more silence

“and i know you don’t like me back yet”

“well that’s not really tru-”

“i know it is. but if you let me bring you out, i promise i could get you to like me too”

wow

you don’t know what to say

you just look at him and his ridiculously pretty eyes and after a second you find yourself nodding

“but what if that doesn’t work?” you ask him, half-teasing half-serious

but he doesn’t answer you right away, he just looks at you with a knowing expression for a few seconds before winking at you

and your heart does something a little funny and you’re kinda taken aback

and you somehow know that he’ll be able to keep his promise just fine

thank you for reading!!! tell me what you think or you can send in a request for something else

[maychorian]

Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #41

This is two and a half days’ worth of recs. I had to make a list or it was going to be obnoxiously long. I’m slowly catching up to all my open tabs, but it’s taking some work. You may notice a lot of Lance birthday fics in this post. My writing time has also taken a bit of a hit, unfortunately. Next chapter of The Godsent Wanderer is languishing at nine hundred words. (The Adventure Zone’s finale dropping today did not help.)

Rules: You can find past weekly rec lists here, and non-list recs in my general fic rec tag. Also follow @maychorianrecs for individually tagged posts, the easier to search and reblog. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

Who is in Control? by WildWolf25 Words: 13,995 Author’s Summary: Shiro wished more than anything that they could go back to those days, full of catching grasshoppers on sunny afternoons and rigging up elaborate Goldberg machine-style boobie traps around the house to drop water balloons on Matt’s sister. Back when the biggest conflict they faced was Shiro trying to convince Matt that they couldn’t build a life-sized, fully-functioning robot for their project in the elementary school science fair. Back when their hands were covered with grass-stains and dirt rather than blood-stains and scars. Back when both of them had two hands made out of flesh and blood, rather than metal and wires. (Matt is turned into a weapon by the Galra. When he is “captured” by Team Voltron, Shiro and Pidge help him come back to himself) My Comments: Heartwrenching but satisfying way to bring Matt into the Voltron fold. Be aware of the tags. This fic gets pretty dark at times, though it’s all viewed through memories, which gives it some distance. Wonderful to see Katie and Matt reunited, as well as Matt and Shiro. Shiro says some very important things to help Matt after all he’s been through.

Hugs and Besos by Ninja_Librarian Words: 5,504 Author’s Summary: “Well, there’s only one planet that has Varadero beach, pizza shack looking over the water and the garlic knots and… my mom’s hugs…” She didn’t believe a word the Garrison officials told her. After all, she knew her son better than they did. My Comments: Gorgeous, beautiful, perfect Lance’s mom POV. All of the backstory is so sweet and fits Lance perfectly, and I can just feel the love coming off the page. Wonderfully satisfying conclusion, too.

the best day of the year by FluffyBlue Words: 1,709 Author’s Summary: Lance forgot about his birthday, but his team certainly didn’t <3 My Comments: Aw, so sweet. Show that boy some love. What a good team.

not so little after all by victuri Words: 2,542 Author’s Summary: How to successfully create an alliance: bluff your way through a diplomatic meeting. It helps if you’re afraid. My Comments: Good gosh, I adore Lance and Allura developing a mutually benificial relationship. It took some work, but he gave her the confidence to be absolutely MAGNIFICENT here.

Birthday Surprises by A_Zap f Words: 2,948 Author’s Summary: On a certain day, each of Team Voltron finds themselves the recipient of a package. It doesn’t take them too much to figure out who’s leaving them anonymous birthday presents. Pretty much a 5+1 fic of the times members of Team Voltron are given a birthday present and the time they decided to return the favor. My Comments: Ahhh, this is so cute! I adore Lance being kind and thoughtful to his teammates and getting that love back in return. Beautiful fic.

Too Soon and Not Soon Enough by hufflepirate Words: 6,506  Author’s Summary: Remix of oldmythologies’s Lost in the Fog, which is AWESOME and should probably be read first. Shiro is gone, and none of the remaining paladins know what to do about it. When the rest of the team visits Black to talk to Shiro, Pidge listens in, but can’t bring herself to face the lion - or the place where Shiro vanished. Not until she’s ready to bring him home. My Comments: Completely fabulous alternate perspective and expansion on another amazing fic. I loved Pidge’s perspective on everything, and extended reunion scene at the end was so so so good. SO GOOD. Ahhh, it made me so happy, I can’t even tell you. 

Hold Me Close by SerenePhenix Words: 2,221 Author’s Summary: Keith was not made for the cold. My Comments: Poor Keith. Good thing he has his team to take care of him.

Day 2: Hypothermia by GemmaRose Words: 1,781 Author’s Summary: Downed in a shuttle during an ambush, Coran must survive a blizzard with only his wits, centuries-old survival training, and what meagre supplies he can scavenge from the wreck. My Comments: HURT CORAN! So rare, so precious. Great characterization, he felt very steady and strong even as he sort of accepted that he was probably going to die. Super glad he didn’t, of course. The team can’t do without him.

Rockabye by SerenePhenix Words: 2,171 Author’s Summary: Pidge has to stop the bleeding and is terrified. Coran is there every step of the way even when hundreds of miles away. My Comments: GAH, this fic is intense. Love Coran being the rock Pidge needs, even from far away, keeping calm and talking her through it even while I am positive he’s freaking out on the inside.

dead battery by babitty Words: 3,345 Author’s Summary: a drabble that popped into my head so i sat down and wrote it out real quick. I’m sure people have done this or smthn like it already but fuck it. Lance brought his phone into space. And when Pidge finds out the battery is dead, she helps him out. Bc he’s family. I wasn’t sure what to name Lance’s sister, but i think Mari works??? I honestly don’t know, i may change it even though this is just a drabble. also this is not pidgance at all, i’m rlly hopin that’s clear enough Edit- so apparently mari is canon and I’m real good at guessin names lmao My Comments: Really cute fic. I love Pidge helping Lance fight his homesickness, followed by all the team bonding as they look at the pictures on his phone. The second chapter made it worse, or maybe better. Poignant and heartachey, but sweet.

To Light The Way by A11e_B00klover Words: 13,169 Author’s Summary: When her father dies in mysterious circumstances and leaves her alone with nothing but questions, Allura sets out to find the truth, come what may. Or the time Allura decides to go Sherlock with her family-friend Coran and the five friends she makes in the process. (for the Voltron Gen Minibang 2017) My Comments: A little slow to start, but there are some great ideas and fantastic characterizations in here. Fun modern AU where the team forms a Leverage-type crew to battle corporate corruption and find the truth. I could do with more.

Nobody Learns by SassafrassRex (Serbajean) Words: 30,570 Author’s Summary: He knows there was a time, before he was at this camp. *** Wiser people than Matt knew to steer clear of stars, dreamers, and all other fantasts. *** It’s a pretty strange fate, that Matt had played supporting cast in the story of his own life. *** If they try and they win, you’ll hate them for how they leave you behind. If they try and they fail, you’ll hate yourself for having to tell them let go of their pipedreams. *** “Could mean you need some better friends” – And Shiro has got to know how punchable his face gets whenever he grins like that. *** Shiro’s got it in his head that he could be selected for the Kerberos mission. Matt wishes he would give it up now. Before he burns himself out. *** Written for the Voltron Gen Mini Bang, with the wonderful artist, dylogger!!! Also prequel to All-Pervading Corruption My Comments: This is a prequel to a previously recced fic, but it stands alone fine. This fic is STUNNING. I love the characterization for Matt and Shiro. All of the backstory makes a lot of sense, and their friendship is so strong, weathering a lot of storms along the way. With this kind of background, it not only makes sense that Shiro would sacrifice himself for Matt, but it feels inevitable. All of the “current day” stuff in the prison camp is very harsh and hard to read, though, so beware. In that context, all of their college day shenanigans gain a kind of golden edge to them. Those were the good days. They just had no idea. It was hard at the time. But Matt is strong, and he’s a survivor, and he fights. He fights so hard. Amazing fic. The art complements it perfectly.

Earth Isn’t So Far by safety_dancer Words: 1,356 Author’s Summary: “Geez, Hunk! You scared us! I come running, thinking maybe Zarkon had teleported his ugly self into the- is that a cake?” My Comments: I really love all the presents everyone gave Lance in this one. They were so thoughtful and sweet.

Gift Me the Stars and Night Sky by Not_Jazz Words: 1,299 Author’s Summary: Lance never asked for anything. He was happy to just have his family. So, his family decides to surprise him. Or: Lance’s Best Birthday Ever My Comments: Gah, this is ridiculously adorable. The story about tiny Lance made my heart hurt in the best way. What a little sweetie pie, and I’m so glad he has his space family to be with him now.

What We Least Expect by inkbadger Words: 1,712 Author’s Summary: When Lance forgets it’s his birthday, he doesn’t take it well. So he retreats to the Blue Lion. But his team aren’t about to let him celebrate his birthday alone. That’s what family’s for, right? My Comments: So sweet. Everyone cares so much.

Candlelight and Supernovas by Faequeen40 Words: 12,614 Author’s Summary: Deep in space, Lance is really missing his family as his birthday comes up. The Voltron crew go about trying to throw him a birthday party. My contribution for Lance’s Birthday Week! My Comments: I really love how long this is and how everyone got their moment to shine. All of the bonding was sweet and lovely, and everyone put so much EFFORT into making sure Lance had a good and happy day. So heartwarming.

Wild Boys by Cocopops1995 Words: 13,437 Author’s Summary: Shiro wakes up back in Galra captivity. But he’s not having any of that this time. This time he’s determined to escape or die trying. Along the way he meets up with some familiar faces, some more unexpected than others. My Comments: Really fun action fic featuring BAMF Shiro and rebel Matt, among other things. A much more enjoyable way for Shiro to get back to the team than we see in a lot of fics, haha. All of the reunions were top-notch.

Summer Days (Drifting Away) by Atalto Words: 2,630 Author’s Summary: The team take a break from Voltron to regroup and recharge for the final fight against the Galra. Pidge discovers that she doesn’t really like alien beaches, no matter how human they are. My Comments: I expected fun in the sun and got emotional hurt/comfort and cuddling. I’m not complaining at all.

Little Fingers Hold the Tightest by Utsukushin (UserFromPluto) Words: 12,817 Author’s Summary: After the final battle with Zarkon, the Voltron team begins a desperate search for Shiro, but not even Slav’s ramblings on quantum realities could have prepared them for what they find. Shiro has been turned into a child–a bright-eyed, scarred little boy with one arm and no memories–and although they try their best to accommodate the change into their already-chaotic lives, no one quite anticipated just how challenging it would be. My Comments: Ahhh, this fic is amazing and adorable. Tiny Shiro is so cute, but he’s still getting flashbacks and nightmares and needs a lot of care. All of the paladins interact with him in the sweetest ways, and the art is beautiful, too.

The Burden of Adrenaline by spitfire00 Words: 1,329 Author’s Summary: Pidge carries an injured Shiro out of a hostile situation using pure spite alone. My Comments: PIDGE! What a badass! This little fic got my own adrenaline pumping, for sure.

It’s Like a Lithium Ion by F-117 Nighthawk (F117_Nighthawk) Words: 5,314 Author’s Summary: On their way to the Balmera, Keith runs across a homesick Lance and tries to comfort him. Then he finds Pidge and accidentally gives her an idea and gets roped into helping. It’s a win-win though, because in the end he’s found a way to help Lance. My Comments: Such a sweet fic. Love everyone working together to try to communicate with Earth so the kids can have a way to relieve their homesickness, and Keith was a darling for sticking it out.

Oh, Won’t You Comfort Me? by Ironic_Swag7782 Words: 2,123 Author’s Summary: Crash landed on an icy planet, one broken kit of armour, damaged lions, Lance getting dangerously cold? Shiro could safely say this mission could have gone better. My Comments: I’m always up for Shiro and Lance huddling for warmth. They’re both trying so hard to take care of each other, even in bad circumstances.

Flirting Lessons by sinelanguage Words: 2,099 Author’s Summary: Allura consults her worst– and only– flirting expert for advice. My Comments: Super cute fic with the worst pickup lines ever and Lance being a good wingman. Somehow it all works out in the end. I love Lance and Allura’s friendship.

Lean On by SerenePhenix Words: 1,712 Author’s Summary: Allura tries to complete a mission while feeling anything but perfectly well. My Comments: Short, sweet sickfic featuring dizzy Allura, smart Lance, and protective Coran.

Magnesium Fires by MoonlitWaterSunnyRiver for Mellisah Words: 1,328 Author’s Summary: In retrospect, wandering into a haunted house with no backup had been a bad, bad idea. But it’s amazing how much time you have to consider these things hanging in midair with a poltergeist deciding whether or not to munch on you. Poltergeist: 1. Keith Kogane: 0. Things Pidge can hold against him: too many to count. My Comments: This is so fun and funny and cute. Keith is just trying so hard, but it’s a good thing Pidge is capable of saving him.,

A Leg to Stand On by Aclyr, hufflepirate Words: 26,526 Author’s Summary: Hunk has never wanted to be in charge of anything, but when he gets stranded on an unknown planet with a concussed Shiro, light-years away from where they were supposed to be and unable to contact the rest of the team, he has do it anyway. A galaxy away, the rest of the team is short on resources and shorter on personnel, but they’re not about to let Hunk and Shiro go without a fight. (Story by hufflepirate, art by Aclyr) My Comments: Everything about this fic is utterly perfect. Hunk is anxious, but a badass anyway, and concussed Shiro is like a confused baby chick who needs to be herded back to the nest several times. The frantic search the others go through to find them is very suspenseful and heartwrenching, and you can just feel the tension and stress everyone is struggling with. Great action, great characterization, great emotional moments. I love it to bits. The art is also amazing.

Day 1: Fever by GemmaRose Words: 2,141 Author’s Summary: With Shiro missing and her Paladins scrambling to find him, Allura can’t possibly justify taking a break. My Comments: Short, sweet sickfic featuring fanting Allura and protective Coran.

Have Faith. by halelujah for InsaneJuliann Words: 2,750 Author’s Summary: Four times where the Black Lion reassures the Paladins that all will be well, plus the time she’s reassured herself. My Comments: Post Season Two fic with a really sweet characterization of Black. Hunk is particularly adorable, as well.

hope of a better tomorrow - VLD fanfic remix for babitty! by volleycatnika for babitty Words: 3,190 Author’s Summary: How the five paladins missed Earth and came together to comfort each other (a 5+1 fic). My Comments: Lovely team bonding fic. 

Fics with Season Three spoilers under the cut. After this list, I will no longer be tagging spoilers, since it’s been two weeks now since the season came out.

What’s my name? by greenglowsgold Words: 3,538 Author’s Summary: No one ever knows who they’re going to be until they are. Names don’t always work forever. She doesn’t know who this is, but he isn’t Shiro. My Comments: Season Three spoilers. I love Pidge’s journey here, and this would be a clever way to deal with the Not-Shiro problem. Her stubbornness and determination in the face of everyone else’s disbelief is perfectly her.

You’re Brave and You’re Loved by Talking_Bird Words: 6,464 Author’s Summary: Shiro is gone, but the universe still needs defending. When Keith becomes the new Black Paladin, the team assumes Allura will replace Keith as the Red Paladin. It doesn’t quite go like that and Lance has some insecurities to overcome. My Comments: Season Three spoilers. I honestly liked the way the show did it, but I this version is nicer, with Lance getting some much needed encouragement and love. Mild Klance.

[sage-nebula]

hey so i saw someone vaguely translate the argument between lillie and lusamine in today's ep and apparently it amounted to lillie being mad that lusamine evolved her clefairy without her consent and lusamine's answer amounting to "well technically it was my clefairy that i gave to you and also your reason for not evolving it was stupid" and? is it wrong for me to hope that pokeani will give us like (cont.)

more of this? like. lusamine being overly smotherly and lowkey selfish and overbearing and those aspects of her get more and more pronounced as an early warning sign that she’s not the ally the other characters think she is? like it’s pokeani there’s so many things that could go wrong here but the fact that this argument was bad enough that even sato and kukui notice that lillie is NOT here for her mom’s shit and that sumo-ani has been p. good with developing relationships make me hope.

Well, first of all, if that’s the same clefable that Lusamine has in the games, then it can go get fucked, tbh, because that clefable gave me the hardest time in the final battle. Not because it kept killing* my pokémon, but because it wouldn’t fucking die, none of my attacks did significant damage to it, and it kept healing itself and it was just The Worst™. So honestly, Lillie, you dodged a bullet there, because that clefable is a fucking bastard.

(*No, I do not nuzlocke. This is just an expression, not meant to be taken seriously.)

On a more serious note (because yes, the above is supposed to be a joke, please don’t take it too seriously, anyone), hmm … honestly, I don’t know!

It’s hard to judge because the PokéAni is inconsistent across the sagas in many ways. There are some constants that we can always count on: Ash will always leave all of his pokémon sans Pikachu behind when he goes to a new region, he will never win a game League, and he will always have at least one (1) of the new region starters as a mainstay on his team, so as to promote the new generation to kids. But aside from constants like that, the PokéAni tends to change its narrative style each season (and Ash along with it, but this post really isn’t about him). For instance, the first two seasons ever produced—and the first season itself in particular—are markedly different in tone from everything that followed, even when compared to the Johto seasons of the OS. The Johto seasons were more formulaic; they’re chock full of episodes that are very same-y and that you can skip right on over without losing anything of value. Meanwhile, the Kanto season was really treated as an adventure; it was less about showing Ash going through the game journey, and more about showing him on a journey, period, even when it included messier aspects like the kids being lost for two weeks on the way to Vermilion City, and being completely caked in dirt by the time they finally arrived, longing for baths and laundromats. Similarly, the Kalos saga is markedly different in tone from the Alola saga. The Kalos saga took itself more seriously, and so while there still were moments of comedy and some typical anime expressions here or there, by and large it was more … I don’t want to say realistic, because it still is a modern fantasy anime, but you had a lot less exaggeration in terms of animation style. By contrast, the Alola anime doesn’t seem to take itself nearly as seriously (at least right now), and the animation is a lot more exaggerated and over the top. Compare, for instance, animation sequences of the twerps falling asleep thanks to Jigglypuff’s song in the OS to the same situation in SM. Yeah, a lot of it is due to the fact that their animation budget is much higher now, and the technology they have to work with is much better et cetera, but a lot of it also has to do with a tonal and style shift.

So with all of that said, it’s really hard to predict what this saga will do, because we can’t exactly use previous sagas as a concrete frame of reference. We can try to make guesses … but it’s hard, because each saga is so distinct, they all have different things they were trying to accomplish. Just because one saga might have followed through doesn’t mean that this one will, and vice versa. And even though it’s been about a year so far, I feel that the Alola anime is still a bit too young to make a call, especially since …

Well. We all remember what happened in Kalos, don’t we?

Lysandre was a realistic depiction of an abuser. The emotional abuse he layered on Alan, and the way that he lied to, manipulated, and used him like a tool is blatantly obvious, despite the cordial way he behaved around everyone else. As a result, and speaking as someone with C-PTSD from abuse myself, the C-PTSD that Alan has is also very obvious, and is also a realistic portrayal. Lysandre was an abuser, Alan was his victim, and this is obvious to everyone except those who purposefully refuse to see it so they can have an excuse to keep trashing all over Alan the way they do. 

And for the most part, PokéAni handled this well! Like, I was legitimately impressed with how well they handled it! Again, Alan’s C-PTSD was extremely well portrayed. His severe depression was extremely well portrayed. In XYZ044, we see that this has (more than understandably) hit such a critical mass that Ash essentially talked him down from suicide in their garden discussion, even if the actual word was never spoken. (Like, has Ash ever looked that anxious when asking someone to promise him to battle again in the future? I don’t think so. Let’s be real, like pretty much everything else in their relationship, it really was not about the battle.) And yet, despite all of that being done so well, despite it being portrayed so well … the PokéAni writers decided “fuck this lmao” and ruined it in all the episodes that followed by sweeping Alan’s issues completely under the rug, disrespecting his boundaries and wishes once again in a way that actually triggered me in XYZ045, and sending him off on a journey again in the last episode of the saga. They were doing so well, XYZ044 was actually a perfect conclusion for him, and then they … ruined it all at the last second, as they are wont to do. 

So I mean, if we follow that as an example, then it’s perfectly possible that they could continue doing a great job with Lusamine, that they could really show how she is inarguably an abusive parent, how she doesn’t care about Lillie’s wishes or boundaries … and then ruin it all at the last second by “redeeming” her and having everyone decide that she’s not really abusive after all. Or maybe they won’t continue doing a great job, and her following appearances will be disappointing because they’ll pull an OS and forget that they were supposed to be keeping up with this subplot. (I mean, this isn’t really a subplot and so I doubt that will happen, but to be honest, any one of the subplots in the OS could have been a main plot, and they chose not to do that, so like …) It’s really hard to say. The PokéAni writers proved with Misty’s and Brock’s cameos that they can do anything at this point. Almost everything is fair game. (Almost. Ash is still never going to win a game League. People need to just give up on that dream.)

That said, I’d say that if you’re enjoying it now, then enjoy it now! Enjoy it while you can, for as long as you can (and hopefully forever). At this point, like I said, anything can happen. I don’t think it’s wrong to hope for just about anything at this point. (Again, just about. No League wins, no eleventh birthdays, et cetera.) So keep watching and keep enjoying; might as well make the most of it while it lasts. :)

(On that note, “technically it’s my clefairy that I gave to you” fjdksjdf fucking yikes. Bullshit like this is why I adamantly maintain that Lusamine is the most realistic depiction of an abusive parent the series has had to date. Ghetsis is cartoonish compared to Lusamine—a caricature. Aside from the fact that Lusamine’s “you betrayed me when all I ever did was give you love” line in the games pretty much mirrors the last conversation I ever had with my biological mother, my biological mother used to hold Shiloh like that over my head all the time. She hated the fact that Shiloh and I were so close, so she used to threaten to get rid of her, telling me that she was going to all the time so that I’d step in line and behave, justifying it by saying that she was the one who gave Shiloh to me, so she could do whatever she wanted insofar as keeping her at the house or not. Of course, she was also fond of the “I brought you into this world, so I can take you out of it” line, but tbh my own life has never mattered as much to me, so that never scared me as much as threats to Shiloh did. So yeah, Lusamine telling Lillie that the clefairy was actually hers, legally, is just … yiiiiikes. There are so, so many ways in which Lusamine is written as a realistic abusive parent. It’s what hands down makes her one of the utmost, absolutely most vile villains the series has had yet.)

[hockeyfun]

Auston Matthews #1

Requested by Anon: Auston Matthews imagine where he's madly in love with the reader but the reader loves somebody else... Who loves somebody else lmao so Auston spends his day comforting the reader who is sad she can't be with who she wants whilst he is sad too but still puts on a smile and cuddles and cheers up his pal

Warnings: I don’t think there are really any. Maybe cussing(?) sense of heartbreak and not being enough for someone

Words: 1645

Authors Notes: So I loved writing for this response and I might have fallen in love with Auston no lie!! So I hope you like it! I left it kinda on a cliff hanger kinda not so like if you (or anyone) wants there to be a continuation of it then I’d be way more than happy to! :) 

Auston Matthews was laying down on the couch watching tv when you busted through the door of your shared apartment. The moment he saw your face and body language, he knew you were upset. He sighed, “What’s wrong?” he wearily asked. This whole week had been a rollercoaster with you. On Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday you came home from work with a great mood and Auston enjoyed it. Seeing you in a happy, hyper frenzy was amusing. It caused a feeling to erupt in Auston’s chest which he now was used to associating with you whenever you were around and even every time he thought about you. Then Thursday, and now today, your mood had plummeted and Auston had no idea why. “Hard day at work?” he called out to you. “yeah, you could say that,” you responded while taking off your work heels and jewelry. You sulked your way back into your bedroom. Auston again let out a big sigh. He was annoyed with the fact you kept coming home upset. He wasn’t really mad at you. He was mad at whatever was upsetting you. He was also mad at the fact you wouldn’t tell him what was going on. He turned the tv off and got up.

Auston was about to open your door when he heard you crying. His heart broke at the sound. He now realized this was a bit bigger than just a bad day at work. He knocked softly on your door and lightly pushed it open, “can I come in?” he asked. You were facing the opposite wall with your head in your hands. You didn’t respond to Auston and he took that as a sign he was allowed to come in. He took a seat right next to you on your bed. You didn’t look up at him right away but after some time of silence, you spoke, “I’m okay, Auston,” you whispered. “You are a terrible liar. Tell me what’s wrong,” he tenderly spoke. You finally looked up at him. His brown eyes filled with concern. Seeing how much he cared about you made you break. “Why am I not good enough?” You asked. When Auston heard you break down his heart yearned to comfort you. “What are you talking about?” he questioned. You laid your head on Auston’s shoulder. “Remember that guy I brought over last week, Liam?” you asked Auston. How could he forget. After a bad loss at home against the Calgary Flames, Auston came home to see you snuggled and laughing with this guy. Auston was pissed. He stomped back to his room. You tried to talk to him but he wasn’t in the mood. You blamed it on the game but Auston knew it was because of seeing you with another man. “Vaguely,” he lied in response to your question. You let out a small laugh, "yeah I forgot you had a tantrum that night," you nudged him, "well, he kissed me that night. But today, I found out he hooked up with one of our coworkers. And I just don’t get it. Am I not pretty? Am I not good enough?” You broke down again. Auston’s heart broke. How could someone as beautiful as you be so broken by one guy’s idiot choices. “I really liked him, Auston. We got along so well. I don’t know why this always happens to me,” you continued. Auston pulled you into his chest, wrapped his arms around, and laid his head on top of yours. His big frame made you feel safe. He smelled like vanilla and musk, and it instantly comforted you. You just took in the moment with your best friend, enjoying the comfort he brought to you. “You are enough,” you felt the rumble of his words coming from his whole body, “You are more than enough for any guy. If he can’t see that yet, then he isn’t worthy of you in the first place.” A smile crept onto your face as Auston spoke. You sat there in his arms for a while. “You are so beautiful,” He whispered almost so silently you had to guess if he actually said it or not. “I know what will cheer you up! Your favorite movie, and brownies,” Auston announced. You untangled yourself from him but he still slipped his hand into yours. “You hate that movie. And brownies are bad for you. I refuse to be the reason Auston Matthews got fat and was a number-one-draft-pick flop,” you jokingly replied. “First off, I never said I hated the movie I just said I’ve seen better and second off brownies aren’t going to kill me,” He challenged. You rolled your eyes, “fine, let’s do it,” you laughed. Auston stood up from your bed and brought you with him. “You go take a shower and wash away the day, while I make the brownies,” he told you. You nodded your head in response. Auston pulled you into one last hug, he didn’t say anything but before he released you he kissed the top of your head in affection. A tingle was sent through your body. One you weren’t use to when it came to Auston. The two of you separated, and you ducked your head slightly hoping you could hide your blushing cheeks. “Well, I better go take a shower,” you said while taking steps towards your bathroom. “Oh and Auston,” you called out “thank you.” He responded with a smile.

The hot water hit you and so did the day. Your mood hadn’t taken a full turn around but something was happening, something deep in your heart and it confused you. Were you catching feelings for Auston? You couldn’t that would ruin everything, but he was so sweet and protective. He was like a brother… but he wasn’t. He was handsome and intense and sexy… you blasted the water cold trying to stop your thoughts from going there. Auston was your best friend and your apartment mate, nothing could happen. You are just feeling vulnerable. Your thoughts then wondered to the reason you were feeling this way, Liam. He was so charming and good looking. He worked hard at his job and every girl in the building wanted him. Then he started hanging with you the most and it was nice to know you won. You felt cool and popular around him. The two of you looked good together, but he had to go and play with your heart. 

The moment you stepped out into the hallway you could smell the aroma of the brownies. “Mmmmm” you hummed, “Something smells delicious.” The electric fire place was lit and the lights were dimmed. Auston had piled up the coziest blankets on to the couch and the movie was already on the menu screen on the tv. Auston walked into the room with the plate of brownies and some strawberries on the side. He smiled at you. Auston loved the moments like this where he gets to see you stripped down of makeup and wearing your pjs. “I like your pants,” he commented. You smiled knowing he would, you were wearing your Toronto Maple Leafs flannel pajama bottoms. “ready?” he questioned you. He took a seat on the couch and patted the spot next to him. You took your seat and cuddled into his side.

Auston turned off the tv once the movie was over and the room went dark other than the light from the fireplace. You looked up at Auston. The flames danced along his brown eyes where you could see flecks of gold. “Do you feel better?” He asked you in a low deep voice. You nodded your head, “thank you,” you whispered back. It took all of Auston to stop himself from kissing you. He had to keep telling himself you were vulnerable and he couldn’t take advantage of you like that. You didn’t like him the way he liked you. You had feelings for that ass hat, Liam. While you on the other hand hadn’t even thought much about Liam at all during the movie. The whole time the only thing you kept noticing was the feel of Auston next to you and the warmth he brought to your heart. All you wanted to do was have him kiss you right now, but you knew it wouldn’t happen because he didn’t feel that way towards you. Gravity has a funny way of working though because Auston’s lips were almost touching yours before you even noticed it. Then the thought that Auston was leaning in just as much as you rushed through your mind. Maybe he felt this just as much as you do? And Auston did. He had been waiting for this moment for a long time. He couldn’t wait to feel your lips on his. Your eyes fluttered closed and you felt his lips brush yours ever so lightly. He was being tentative. Auston didn’t want to push anything on you because he still didn’t know how you felt. You shifted your body to be closer to his and that deepened your kiss. It was like the world was gone. All your budding emotions that just started for Auston began to blossom quickly and strongly. It was like a vine spreading throughout your body. Auston’s heart was pounding. It was finally happening. The adrenaline pumped through his veins almost as much as it did when he was playing a game. You two separated when you couldn’t breathe any more. Auston was smiling from ear to ear and you couldn’t help but to do the same. Your phone buzzed alerting you that you had a text. You grabbed it and read the message. Your mood changed instantly and your face reflected it. “what’s wrong? What does it say?” Auston asked with concern lacing through his words. “It’s Liam. He says he wants to talk,” you whispered.

[socially-introverted-blog]

Love is Blind

A terrible reality show, really

But brought up a lot of things about love, relationships, and commitment that made me feel so lucky to have you.

Some topics:

1. Grand gestures of love

2. In-laws

3. Communication

4. Financial debt

5. Consistency

1. Grand gestures of love

I think when you have a childish perception of love, you only think about the big things. You think about the grand gesture that PROVED their love, emulated their willingness to be creative, go the extra mile, etc. And while it’s the stereotypical image of a visible display of affection, I find myself cringing at a lot of the grand gestures on the show. Grand gestures are really nice, no doubt about it. But I’ll never forget how the little things that add up over the years just remain as the pillars to the foundation of the love. I remember the flowers and the moon card along with the color pencils. I remember the candlelit dinner on the rooftop of our AirBnB in Taiwan. I remember the (multiple) celebrations at Spanish restaurants where you eat soggy rice (paella) with me. I love them all. But those big moments only serve to highlight the little things that you do all. the. time. You always go the extra mile for me. You’ll always. Always. Go the extra mile. The color pencils and card and flowers were all just reiterated proof that you go the extra mile (A Powerwolf pillar btw). The grand gesture is just another version of it. The part I remember most about the candlelit dinner is how you paid attention to the two options we had: one by the city lights or one where we could hear our conversation better. You’re attentive to those details. You know those details and you remember what they mean to me. Your grand gesture shows you care, even to the tiniest detail. Your compassion for others shines through when you remember my stories and take me to places that create nostalgia for me (only me too! since you’ve never experienced Spain). And you live through those moments with me. To see me happy, to see me beam over things that don’t make you necessarily beam (wet rice and overpriced salads). You put others before yourself. 100% of the time. 

2. In-Laws

I think something that intimidates me about marriage and commitment is the terrible reputation society has for in-laws. They tell me on the Western side that it’s just you and your partner, the in-laws you can only see when necessary. The Eastern side tells me that you marry all of them. They’re there forever. They are a part of every decision of your life. And while I can tell myself I take on the Western mentality of thinking, I know myself well enough that I could never ever forsake a family member, not unless I truly believed they were a terrible human being. I extend my love to everyone the same way. What you love is something I extend my love to as well. What I appreciate from the show is the topic that in the end, it’s just you and your partner. The extended family is just an additional cherry on top. So if you have great, supportive extended family members, that’s great! If you don’t, you have each other. My mom told me this and I believe her 1000%: If you have to come to a decision that puts you in a place where you choose your family or your spouse, you choose your spouse. Because that’s who you married. Not your mom or your dad. Not their expectations of you. Your spouse, whom you’ve placed all of your trust and loyalty in (not blindly of course, especially if there’s the red flags lmao). But truly, it’s you and your spouse. When everyone else is gone, it’s you who lifts me up and whom I would give anything for. “Would you be willing to give up everything in your life for them?” That’s how you know you’re ready to take that step to marriage.

3. Communication

Of course, reality TV shows have the dumbest drama... but this show was cool in that it showed a “Reunion” episode where you actually saw many of the issues in the show reach their deneuoment. I actually really appreciate seeing how immature arguments and inadequate self-reflection led to horribly disagreements. I felt like I could see outside of myself. There’s one couple that were explosively passionate with their ups and downs. She described her self as “self-sabotaging” and DING DING DING! Guess who I related to? She concluded that you have to be okay with your flaws. You have to see them for what they are and accept them. If you don’t accept them, how can you expect someone to accept them? You’ll always be fighting them, even if your partner loves you unconditionally for them. You can’t base their acceptance of your flaws for your reasoning to quell those self-doubt momentarily. YOU need to accept them. 100%. And when your ideas of yourself and that of your partner’s aligns, you will be at peace with yourself. I’m actually glad that we’ve argued. And I’m glad that you always take my hand afterwards. I hold my breath most of the time, thinking: “This is it, what I’ve done is the thing that’ll push him over the edge, this is where it ends” and you are NEVER thinking those thoughts. You’re just feeling upset at the moment. You can be upset and that can be normal. It does not mean my actions that make you upset will lead to our downfall and pain and hurt. It’s just a normal feeling. Keeping you happy 100% of the time and banking that 1-5% of the time that I don’t make you happy on you deciding you’ve had enough of me is just my own image of my self-worth. I am worth more than my ability to make you happy 100% of the time. That will not be possible. And my acceptance of that will make me stronger, which will just lead me closer to how you have and always have viewed me. I will align with the way you see me. Each argument is another opportunity to test my strength. 

4. Financial Debt

One of the women on the show had 20k in credit card debt... And damn, that sounds like such a foreign concept to me. I know my family’s got debt. But I find that responsibility to have your immediate debt like credit cards is a no-brainer. School debt, mortgage debt, etc. can wait for longer of course, but no way in HELL will I ever let myself get to that point of irresponsibility. I spoke with mom and Travis about how I would rather skimp on wedding things than to go so far into debt just for one magical moment. I’d much rather live for much longer, stress free days with less financial worry than to have the wedding of my dreams. I could have that in my actual dreams, in paintings, in Photoshop, as a random party years later when I can afford it. But no way would I bank all my happiness on one day. What actually makes me feel so secure about that is the fact that you make me feel loved every day. Every day feels like it’s this partnership. The wedding day just ties our lives legally together hahaha. But before and after it, this is what we’ve got. It doesn’t and shouldn’t change (besides the growing and changing together). But I’m okay. I’m okay without the “magical” wedding. A dress, a legal person to marry us, a $20 white dress. If we can’t afford it, I’d rather we invest in our every day. I’d deal with the offended great cousins later. I just want you, me, and the legalization of the promises we already made when we decided to do this together. I enjoy a lot of the finer things in life. But I would give up everything to enjoy life with you for longer. (I’ve slept on bamboo mats on the ground and have taken dumps next to 10 cockroaches. I may have a terrible immune system and probably die without medical insurance lmao but. I think I can endure a lot.)

5. Consistency

One of the couples don’t get married because the girl was not consistent in her love. The guy loved her soooooooooo much. And he actually said no at the altar just because she showed commitment just that one day and he couldn’t be sure if he would be signing his future away to someone who would be hot and cold like that all the time. Thank freaking God that you are who you are. I never doubt you. I could never doubt who you are. From the day I called you “Steven” to today, you’ve grown and changed a lot. But who you are-- the type of loyalty, self-sacrifice, commitment, hard work, compassion-- you’ve never wavered. Even if you tried to fight it, even at your worst. You would never purposefully go against those values (maybe just be discouraged if you feel you lost those values). I believe in you. I believe you to be the person I’m going to be with until I grow old. 

The show hasn’t changed any of these feelings, by the way. I knew them, I just don’t think I’ve ever really written it out for you. I don’t feel especially different after watching this show, just inspired to write to you. I want you to feel loved. And I want to express the love I feel from you every day.

Austin, marriage may be far away (I know I said I’d be okay with just us two and a legal person to marry us but I don’t prefer it lmao), but man, I always look forward to it. Every day I just wake up excited because I have something I want to work for. I want to be self-assured, confident, successful, and I want to build the life I see for us together. 

I’m in the daydreaming sequence right now ahaha... I’m letting myself have it. Since I know I mention it like... every day. I don’t want it to not become special one day. But man-- formulating the plan to get there... That’s the next step. 

Every day is Day 1, I learned from Powerwolf. Building myself up to be a strong and more self-assured, confident person is my goal. I believe it’ll lead me to my success. It will lead me to the financial security. It will lead me to my dreams for you and me. It will lead me closer to what you’ve always wanted for me and what I’ve always felt was out of reach for myself: To see myself the way you see me.

No question at all, you’re the one for me. I’ll never give up on this task. I’m going to make our dreams come true.

I love you!