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a-dinosaur-a-day · 6 years ago

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Spinosaurus aegyptiacus

By Scott Reid

Etymology: Spined Reptile

First Described By: Stromer, 1915

Classification: Dinosauromorpha, Dinosauriformes, Dracohors, Dinosauria, Saurischia, Eusaurischia, Theropoda, Neotheropoda, Averostra, Tetanurae, Orionides, Megalosauroidea, Megalosauria, Spinosauridae, Spinosaurinae

Status: Extinct

Time and Place: Spinosaurus lived between 112 and 93.5 million years ago, from the Albian of the Early Cretaceous until the Turonian-Cenomanian boundary of the Late Cretaceous

Spinosaurus is known from a variety of locations, most notably the Bahariya Formation and the Kem Kem Beds, specifically the Afous and Ifezouane Formations in Kem Kem. It has also been found in the Grés de Gaba Member of the Koum Formation, the Echkar Formation, the Chenini Member of the Aïn el Guettar Formation, the Mut Member of the Quseir Formation, and the Lubur Sandstone Formation. These locations are spread out over Camaroon, Niger, Morocco, Tunisia, Egypt, and Kenya; though the more southern locations such as Kenya are dubious.

Physical Description: Oh Spinosaurus. A mystery throughout the past one hundred and four years, one that we still have not somehow managed to solve. Despite many breaks in the case, there is always another controversy. Spinosaurus is the longest known theropod - the group of meat-eating and bird dinosaurs - and potentially the largest, though it is not the most heavy in weight (that is still Tyrannosaurus). A variety of estimates as to its size are out there, and it’s kind of a mystery as to its full size, because decent remains of the entire skeleton are not exactly well known.

Size of Spinosaurus and other large predatory dinosaurs: Carcharodontosaurus, Giganotosaurus, and Tyrannosaurus, by Dinoguy2, CC BY-SA 3.0

Size of the smallest, best known, and largest specimens of Spinosaurus, by Marco Auditore, CC BY 4.0

What we know about the physical appearance of Spinosaurus is fairly limited. We do know that it had a long snout, much like that of a modern crocodilian. The upper jaw featured a crescent dip towards the tip, which was matched by a rounded tip on the lower jaw that fit into it. The teeth around this space point inward on the upper jaw and outward on the upper jaw, allowing for catching slippery food tightly in the jaws - pointing to fish being the main food source for Spinosaurus. The skull also features a small crest in front of the eyes.

By Steveoc 86, CC BY 2.5

Along the back of Spinosaurus are the most famous feature of the dinosaur - extremely long neural spines. All vertebrae have spines coming out the back of each individual bone, but on Spinosaurus they extend far beyond what is usually seen in dinosaurs (and other animals). Many other dinosaurs also have extended spines, as do some non-dinosaurs - famously, animals such as Edaphosaurus, Dimetrodon, Ouranosaurus, and others. What these spines are used for, however, can vary. Some animals with large spines use them to support a large hump of fat, supported by the spines for a more sturdy structure. These spines tend to be more thick and closely spaced than those of Dimetrodon, which is known to have a sail. Spinosaurus, awkwardly enough, falls somewhere in between known humped and known sailed organisms. It has thicker spines than Dimetrodon, but not as thick as humped mammals. Correlates on the spines also indicate that skin was wrapped tightly around the bone, rather than fat. So, while the jury is still out, a sail seems more likely than a hump for now.

One recent hypothesis as to the structure of the sail indicates that the sail extended down to the base of the tail, and had a large dip in the middle with higher portions of the sail on either side. While there has been some controversy back and forth on this recent hypothesis, that sail structure seems to have stuck. Spinosaurus in general had a fairly elongate body, with a stretched out torso, a long neck, and a long tail. In addition, the tail was fairly narrow, like that of a thresher shark.

By Charles Nye

Spinosaurus had long arms, ending in sharply curved claws on each of its three fingers. These were very robust limbs, especially for a theropod. The hindlimbs of Spinosaurus are more so controversial - recent estimates say that the pelvis is at a lower angle than in other dinosaurs, and that the legs are extremely short for a theropod dinosaur. However, this has been extensively criticised, and the estimates have been called into question as poorly scaled. Still, many researchers agree with the original hypothesis of this recent study, and say that yes, the legs were that ridiculous looking. So, the jury is once again out - either Spinosaurus was especially squat for a theropod, or Spinosaurus was just a little squat for a theropod. Personally, I favor the former, at least for now.

Spinosaurus was so large, and lived in such a warm climate, it probably didn’t have feathery covering. If it did, it would have mostly likely just been for display - though, how much more display Spinosaurus needed, I’m not sure. It was pretty fancy for a dinosaur. Alternatively, because it was aquatic, it might have used feathers like modern ducks do - though that seems unlikely, given it’s basal (far away from birds) position on the theropod tree.

By Jordiferrer, CC BY-SA 4.0

Diet: Spinosaurus seems to be primarily a piscivore, with jaws designed to catch fish and withstand the force created by catching fish more so than the force created by holding down terrestrial prey. That being said, Spinosaurus probably also ate land-based prey as well.

Behavior: The biggest question with respect to Spinosaurus is whether or not it was semiaquatic. There is data present for either hypothesis. On the one hand, the ratio of oxygen isotopes - forms of oxygen - present in the teeth indicate that Spinosaurus was semiaquatic, similar to modern turtles and crocodilians and different from decidedly land-based, contemporary predators like the large theropod Carcharodontosaurus. It had a jaw built for grabbing fish, as stated above; and weird limb proportions that have been repeatedly suggested to indicate it spent more time in water than out of it. This hypothesis is also bolstered by the fact that it had a tail much like a thresher shark, which would have aided in swimming through the water, and potentially stunning fish prior to catching them.

Still, that’s not the end of the story. Studies on buoyancy of Spinosaurus indicate that it would have had a rather difficult time sinking, an important trait for a water-based predator. In addition, this study indicates that it still would have been okay walking on land. While this study is vital in putting the picture together, it was somewhat flawed - it based its estimations on reconstructions, rather than on studying the bones directly; and even then its conclusions weren’t that strongly backed. So which is it?

By José Carlos Cortés

Right now, our best guess seems to be a mixed lifestyle. While Spinosaurus probably did spend some time on land and, furthermore, ate land-based food from time to time, it was definitely adapted for spending time near the water. Whether that means it would swim through the water or stand at the shore is unclear. It’s possible it did all three - the large claws on its hands would have been excellent in catching fish swimming through the water like modern bears; it did have a good slapping tail so it could swim through deeper waterways to get food when needed; and in drier times of the year, it could hunt for land-based food. This would all allow it to be opportunistic in a good way - specializing in one, less-exploited food source in its environment, but able to take advantage of what it could. This was necessary, since most of its environments were ridiculously predator heavy.

One thing that is clear about Spinosaurus is that it was not a quadruped - even with its weirdly forward-tilting body posture, it would have been able to support its weight on its hind limbs and, furthermore, its front limbs were not built for holding its weight. It wouldn’t, however, have been the best walker on land - personally, I think it probably would have waddle around, much like a living duck - able to get to where it needs to go, but not very gracefully while doing it. And, much like ducks, it wouldn’t have been very graceful at swimming either - without being able to dive very well, it would have probably stuck to the surface, much like living ducks.

Basically Spinosaurus was a huge, terrifying croco-duck with a sail.

Speaking of the sail - what was it for? Was it even a sail?

Going with the idea of Spinosaurus having a sail, there are a lot of hypotheses as to what it could be used for. Given dinosaurs such as Spinosaurus were, on the whole, warm-blooded, it seems unlikely that the sail was used for regulating body temp. It may have allowed for faster movement through the water, like the sail of a sailfish - which would have helped Spinosaurus catch food more easily, since it might not have been that great at sinking. It also could have aided in making turns and moving rapidly while attacking fish, much like adaptations seen in the thresher shark and other analogues. The sail, tail, and neck could have all been used together to attack fish and other aquatic food.

By Joschua Knüppe, CC BY 4.0

Alternatively, the sail - in conjunction with the crest - was probably used for display, regardless of other possible functions. Such a ridiculous looking feature in dinosaurs is, nine times out of ten, for sex and communication. I mean, just remind yourself that dinosaurs are all extinct peacocks, and you get the idea. Spinosaurus probably could have had a brilliantly patterned and colored display on its sail, to make it look fancier for other Spinosaurus, and it may have even differed in coloration by sex. THe little crest on the top of the head probably served a similar function.

If the sail was actually a hump? Though this seems less likely, this could have allowed for the storing of energy, especially during long dry spells when food was not plentiful. It also could have helped to shield Spinosaurus from extreme heat in the equatorial climate.

Spinosaurus probably wouldn’t have been the most social of animals, given the crowded nature of its environment, though it seems unlikely that it wouldn’t have taken care of its young - since most dinosaurs did so. In fact, since semi-aquatic archosaurs today take care of their young - water birds and crocodilians - it seems likely that Spinosaurus would have too. It’s probable that it would have nested near waterways. Baby spinosaurus remains are known, but they’re fragmentary. As for other social groups, it was a common dinosaur in some environments and more rare in others, so it probably didn’t associate with others of its species much.

By Durbed, CC BY-SA 3.0

Ecosystem: Spinosaurus appears to have spread out over a giant range of North Africa, across the middle Cretaceous, with a variety of different environments. Still, it seems likely that Spinosaurus would have associated mainly with mangrove forests and on tidal flats and channels, which would have been extremely full of waterways for Spinosaurus to feed in. Then, during the dry season, it would have switched to more land-based prey, as the environment turned to more scrubland and dry floodplain.

In the original Bahariya Formation of Egypt, from between 100 and 95 million years ago, Spinosaurus lived alongside other large predatory dinosaurs such as Carcharodontosaurus, Deltadromeus, and Bahariasaurus. There were huge titanosaurs - the 15 meter long Aegyptosaurus and the 26 meter long Paralititan. Sigilmassasaurus, whatever sort of Spinosaur it was, was also present. There was a variety of conifers, water ferns, and tree ferns - indicating the climate switched from a swamp forest to a drier environment real quick, potentially due to fluctuations from season to season. There was also a wide variety of molluscs, crustaceans, insects, and a truly spectacular number of fish - both sharks and bony fish. There were turtles and some of the earliest sea snakes - Simoliophys. Finally, there were a variety of crocodylomorphs, which were probably the main competitors of Spinosaurus.

Slightly more south in Egypt, Spinosaurus is known from the Mut Member of the Quseir Formation. Here there are a variety of lungfish, indicating a more muddy environment than the Bahariya; sharks, bony fish, and other water-dwelling creatures. Carcharodontosaurus was also probably present here, though neither come from the same time as the later titanosaur Mansourasaurus.

In Tunisia, Spinosaurus is mainly known from the Chenini Member of the Aïn el Guettar Formation, where it shared an environment with Carcharodontosaurus, a variety of lungfish, many ray-finned fish, and sharks to boot. There were also other dinosaurs present, as well as crocodylomorphs, but they haven’t been named specifically.

By ДиБгд, CC BY-SA 4.0

The Kem Kem Beds were another major ecosystem of Spinosaurus, with Spinosaurus mainly known from the Chenini Member of the formation. This environment was from Morocco, and a little later in time than the Bahariya Formation. Here, Spinosaurus also lived alongside Carcharodontosaurus, Deltadromeus, and Sigilmassasaurus, but it also lived alongside the theropods Sauroniops and Inosaurus, and the sailed sauropod Rebbachisaurus, rather than any titanosaurs. This was probably also a flooding river ecosystem, as it is filled with a variety of turtles, crocodylomorphs, and fish, including extremely large species like Onchopristis. Between that, and aquatic crocodylomorphs like Elosuchus, it is clear that there was extensive water in this habitat, though there isn’t a lot of plant material known. There were also a lot of pterosaurs, which may have also been food sources for the large theropods of the area - pterosaurs such as Alanqa, Siroccopteryx, Colobrhynchus, and Xericeps, as well as unnamed species. These come from the Aoufous Formation primarily, though they can be found in other parts of the Kem Kem Beds such as the Ifezouane Formation. Ultimately, the later Ifezouane was very similar to the Aoufous.

Camaroon also featured Spinosaurus, specifically in the Grés de Gaba Member of the Koum Formation. However, this is extremely suspect - it’s older than the other formations and features creatures that decidedly did not live in the same locations as Spinosaurus, such as the sailed Ouranosaurus. So, this is a question, and one that I doubt in the extreme.

In Niger, the Echkar Formation also has possible Spinosaurus remains, though these are dubious too - just less so, because there’s also the common friend Carcharodontosaurus, as well as dinosaurs such as Rebbachisaurus, Bahariasaurus, and Aegyptosaurus that live with Spinosaurus elsewhere. There’s also Spinostropheus and Rugops, as well as a variety of land and water-dwelling crocodylomorphs. Plus, there were many lungfish for Spinosaurus to feed upon.

By Ripley Cook

Finally, there’s a dubious occurrence of Spinosaurus in the Lubur Sandstone Formation of Kenya. This is a poorly known ecosystem in general, with very poorly known theropod, ornithischian, and sauropod scraps, though a titanosaur is probably present in the location. So, that one is up in the air for Spinosaurus as well.

Other: Spinosaurus shares a complicated taxonomic status with Sigilmassasaurus, a Spinosaurine from the same time and general location. Though Spinosaurus is, of course, its own dinosaur, thanks to the fact that the original specimens were destroyed in World War II, it’s hard to tell apart whether or not the fossils since assigned to Spinosaurus are actually Spinosaurus or belong to other types of dinosaurs. Thus, it is entirely possible that this entire article is actually about Sigilmassasaurus. Alternatively, Sigilmassasaurus might just be a part of Spinosaurus. I don’t know. It’s a mess. We can blame fascism for this mess. For now, let’s assume they’re two different things, and what I talked about above is Spinosaurus. As for other issues of classification, Spinosaurus is a Megalosauroid - a group of middle-of-the-road theropods which featured many that were associated with shoreline ecosystems, though Spinosaurus was definitely the weirdest of the bunch.

~ By Meig Dickson

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comicteaparty · 4 years ago

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July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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coutelier · 6 years ago

Text

The Lipcress File, Part One

Hello! I can’t remember how long it’s been since I posted on here. I’m afraid sometimes I get burnt out and have to take quite long breaks, although not usually as long as this. Anyone, I’m back and I have - well, what was a Halloween story although obviously, it’s a bit late for Halloween on here. Still, I will post it all over the next week anyway (there are three parts. Creepy stuff doesn’t really start happening until part two). Also I just remembered I have a Wattpad account so I’m considering posting short stories, novelettes like this, maybe the odd novella, on there while I continue touching up my novel. The novel is the introduction and story of how these characters came together. This story doesn’t contain many spoilers, other than that you’ll know these characters obviously survive all that.

Story by me. Casting by me. Set design - also me. Music by John Williams (based on a tune hummed by me):

The Lipcress File, Part One

None were prepared for the end. Few would have countenanced its ghoulish, most final, form. Yet, putrid and shambling, the plague claimed city after city until the dead outnumbered the living. Those few who survived were like sailors adrift on a toxic sea, knowing that a sudden surge could sweep them away in an instant. They waited for the end, troubled brows and weary eyes looking out over ramshackle barricades, then time froze.

Tenley blinked, tension in her body rising as her fingers hovered over the keyboard. She slapped the side of the screen but it remained in state. She tried a couple more times, each harder than the last, until finally her frustration overflowed. Shortly after the laptop bouncing off the side of the van as she screeched several expletives and a promise to insert the machine in an unspecified orifice of one of its engineers.

“Hey!” Kaya snapped from the back of the van, stretched out with her guitar and her hair coloured purple today. “C’mon - those things are expensive.”

Tenley’s dark eyes glinted over her shoulder at the punk. “I thought you hated money.”

“Yeah I do. That’s why I’d rather not see any more spent on you.”

The punk and the tween shot stares at each other. Up front Jennifer’s neck was bent over her own laptop absorbed in research. When she’d learned that Kaya for them to spend the night in a haunted house she’s been excited – to actually catch a ghost had been a dream of Jenn’s since childhood. But time changes people and their dreams. After her parents disappeared she’d consulted with psychics and mediums and through one clairvoyant miss after another (including one claim that her parents had been kidnapped by Icelandic slave traders) become convinced of one truth – no one ever comes back. She was open to being convinced otherwise but her experience so far suggested the evidence for a ghost would be far less than solid. No – what was causing her to spiral locks of blonde hair tightly around her fingers was that she had also learned that would be other people in the house. Strange people. It was just the latest one of Kaya’s efforts to force Jennifer into being sociable no matter how much she preferred to just stay at home tinkering. The bickering in the van just further frayed on her nerves.

Still, Jennifer took a breath then said as softly and calmly as she could, “please don’t throw things.”

Tenley immediately shifted in her seat and mood, shrinking and throwing her arms over her chest. “Not like I was throwing it at anyone,” she grumbled. “Not like I was throwing it at anyone,” she grumbled. “Why do stupid computers stupidly crash anyway?”

“Because they’re stupid,” Jenn shrugged. Then realising she was expected to elaborate more held up a finger and continued, “usually a programming error or a bit of memory becomes corrupted causing it to try to carry out an instruction that’s just physically impossible. They’ve no sense of self-preservation. It’s like – if I told either of you to walk through lava, you obviously wouldn’t do it. If I told Dot,” Jenn referred to one of the robots that maintained the lighthouse she called home, “she would, even though she’d be destroyed.”

“Dumb as rocks,” Tenley shook her black locks, “and even slightly less smart than Kay.”

“I only sniffed volcanic gas that one time,” Kaya insisted. “There was this guy at the hotel convinced you could get high off them. I said sure – if the volcano exploded – but I went along for a look, and,” she paused, noticing the others peering at her. “What?”

“Hotel? Guy? Volcano?” Jennifer quizzed. “I think you’ve left out big parts of the story there…”

“I was with a guy in a hotel by a volcano. I don’t see how that’s hard to follow,” Kaya said, perplexed by the confused looks she was getting. “Anyway, doesn’t matter now, look – we’re here.”

The van drove itself around a near-black dishevelled hedge into a leafy, dirt filled drive. The house on the other side hadn’t been well maintained for several years, but was otherwise unremarkable. The day was overcast but not too cold – just enough to redden cheeks and noses as the party dropped out of the van to inspect where they’d be staying the night.

Tenley sniffed disappointedly, “that’s a haunted house? Doesn’t even look that old.”

“You expecting the Addams house?” Kaya asked, unconcerned whether Tenley knew what that was a reference to. “Anyway, age is all kind of relative, isn’t it? Like if a hamster lives four years he’s like a revered elder in hamster circles. He’s explored every corner of his little hamster world, sampled every seed life has to offer. In Irongate everything’s knocked down and built over again so often that any building that lasts thirty years gets listed as a heritage site.”

“I see,” Tenley nodded, “like how what you call rock music is more like fossil music to me.”

“Sad. You kids these days just fill your cheeks with so much garbage.”

Jennifer lightly coughed, having actual information to add from her research. “These was a fire here about thirteen years ago. A man and his daughter died, but most of the house was rebuilt. Shortly after that the hauntings began. They say things got so bad that quickly it was just abandoned altogether.”

“Until now,” Kaya said, feet apart and leaning forward slightly over Tenley. “Not worried are you, Tych?”

“Of what?” The girl snorted and puffed her chest. “It’s just a creepy house someone died in. People die everywhere. If ghosts were real every place would be haunted. Also, if ghosts were real, then why are there no dinosaur ghosts? That would actually be cool.”

“Well, sure, but maybe people only become ghosts in special circumstances. Like when they have unfinished business.”

“Everyone has unfinished business. Mother never finished painting the kitchen, and if anyone was going to be a ghost it would have been her. She’d have come back just to spite me and howl ‘kick harder! Shoot! Stab! Again!’” Tenley did shiver at that thought, but soon recomposed herself. “Anyway, if anything does try to spook me it’ll wish it could die again.”

Tenley got over any fears she might have had by simply being the most dangerous thing around, while Jennifer was more or less convinced that ghosts and monsters didn’t exist, not in the supernatural sense at least. She more worried about people, and indeed there were other vehicles already in the drive.

“I’m sure they’ll be cool,” Kaya assured her. “Don’t worry about it. Why don’t I go check ‘em out with Ten and you get ready whatever stuff you think you’ll need in there.”

Jennifer nodded then was left alone next to the van. She had all kinds of gadgets and technological paraphernalia stashed in there at all times, although she wasn’t sure she wanted or needed any of it. People had been trying to catch ghosts using cameras and microphones practically since those devices had been invented, but failed to find anything that wasn’t totally explicable. Yet she should bring in something, if only to look busy and not have to talk to anyone else. It seemed unlikely there was any real mystery to solve, and if she was very lucky Ten and Kaya would be bored after an hour and then they could all go home, where it was just them, and Jenn could finish the shoe polishing program for Dot. Jenn hated leaving things undone, even if only for a short time. Problem was in her experience Ten and Kaya rarely tired of anything, and in any case she was going to have to bear it for a while.

Jenn fell back on her trusty tablet. She’d modified the camera to detect a far wider spectrum than normal, and if there was nothing interesting to see she could just play or read something. It was in the glove compartment so she just had to lean through the door to fetch it. She forgot her own shortness, having to lie across the driver’s seat. And it was while she was prone like this that she first felt a presence.

Faint, slightly laboured breath that carried with it the stench of methanol. Jenn felt its warmth on her skin and a chill creep up her spine. For a second she wasn’t sure whether to stay still and hope it passed, run, or just lock herself in the van. But she always had to see, at least, so she pushed herself out and turned, straight into the face of the stranger. It was a gnarled, scarred old face, prickly white hairs barely concealing rubbery lips and an angry toothless mouth.

He shouted something indecipherable, not that Jenn was listening. Her heart was pounding against the cage of her chest as she slid along the side of the van, but her matched her movement, shouting and showering her with spit. “I-I don’t have any change!” Jenn stammered desperately, but it only drew a disgusted look from the stranger who continued to spit and shout.

“Hey! Get out of here you bum!” Kaya strode across and shooed. Although slightly smaller than the stranger it seemed her confidence and lack of fear – or maybe just her purple hair and the fact she was draped in more denim than the entire cast of Westworld – caused him to shirk away. “What’s wrong with you? You want the dibbles here? You trying to get arrested?”

“Bah,” he pawed at the air dismissively. “Just wanted to see what was happening. You all going into the old Lipcress house?”

“Yeah.”

The stranger sniggered, “good luck!” He then looked pointedly at flustered Jennifer, “You think I’m scary, girl? Old Lipcress – he were into bad, bad stuff. Satanism, magic. Voodoo? Oh he do! Ha!” He seemed disproportionately pleased with that line, dancing a little jig as the women squinted.

With Kaya beside her now, the stranger seemed far less scary to Jennifer. Still, she quietly spoke to her friend rather than to him. “You know, voodoo really has no connection to black magic or devil worship. That’s a misconception from old TV shows and movies.”

The stranger heard her regardless. “Bah! You wanna get your nose out of them books and computers, girl. Try living in the world for a while. When you’ve some experience of that, then come back to me with all your ‘facts’.”

Jenn looked to Kaya for support, but to her dismay Kaya’s face was scrunched as if struggling to pick a side. “I mean,” Kaya shrugged helplessly, “you do both have really good points…”

Jenn’s jaw hung open as she slowly shook her head. “Unbelievable…”

“Best of luck to you,” the stranger said again. “See you around. Maybe.”

He staggered off, the women watching him until he disappeared. “Anyhow,” Kaya then said, “we got a couple of paranormal investigators. They’re kind of nerdy. You might even like them, a bit. They do have a medium with them,” she warned, aware that Jenn’s experience with even the most well-meaning such person was overwhelmingly negative.

“Great,” Jenn tutted. She supposed she didn’t have to stay even if the others did. She was an adult, after all. An hour or two would fulfil her obligation to them and if there was nothing interesting she could just go home. She didn’t need permission.

“Hey,” Kaya jumped before Jenn could close up the van. “Don’t suppose you have one of those PKE meter things? Like in all those ghost hunting shows?”

“PK…?” It took only few seconds for Jenn to understand the mistake Kaya had made. “You mean an EMF meter. Sure.” She fetched it before locking all the doors.

“Aww, thanks!” Kaya threw her arms around Jenn after taking the meter, which was odd but not altogether unpleasant. “Now I’ll feel like a real investigator!” She beamed then backed off, Jenn’s keyring spinning about her finger. “Just in case you were thinking of bugging out after an hour or two. Afraid you’re in this for the long-haul missy.”

Jenn’s mouth opened and closed several times before finally locking in place. “Unbelievable!” She squealed and lunged, but Kaya was easily able to sidestep and keep the keys out of Jenn’s reach all the way to the house’s front door. There Kaya was less able to manoeuvre and two became embroiled in a struggle, until they noticed Tenley in the hall glaring disapprovingly at them.

“Damn kids,” the girl shook her head. “Do not embarrass me in front of the Ghostbusters,” she warned, stepping into of the front rooms.

There were three ‘Ghostbusters’ in what appeared to be the living room, one waving around an EMF meter like Kaya’s, another wandering around with a microphone and sound recording equipment. The third man must have been the medium Kaya had mentioned. They all seemed oblivious to the two young women and girl.

“Hey guys,” Kaya greeted. “So, whatchya all doing?”

The tall man with the microphone deigned a glance at her before returning to his very important work waving a microphone about like a wand. “The first recorded incidents involved type three audible manifestations,” he explained. Kaya looked to Jennifer to translate.

“Spooky noises,” Jenn hazarded.

The recordist snorted derisively. “To put it in layman’s terms, yes,” he said, adjusting his square glasses. “Spirits inhabit a world of higher frequencies beyond those usually perceptible by human beings. But there’s an excellent chance when we play this back we’ll pick up some electronic voice phenomena.”

Jenn agreed there was an excellent chance. Maybe within the range of normal radio transmissions.

“I’m getting all kinds of fluctuations,” said the man with the EMF meter. “Can’t get a fix.”

Kaya peered down at her meter. “Me too. The needles jumping all over the place. What does that mean?”

Jennifer sighed. “It’s an electro-magnetic field detector,” she explained, “it detects electro-magnetic fields. Microwaves, televisions, sockets. Just look around. There’s all kinds of devices in this house.”

There were televisions hung on the wall like paintings. Bladeless fans, computer assistants, VR headsets. Tenley booped the nose of some robotic pig-rabbit thing that tilted and wiggled it’s plastic ears at her. She wasn’t sure she liked it.

“Yes, well,” said the ghost hunter with the EMF meter, “I suppose some recalibration is in order.”

“Well observed, my chickadee,” a rich mid-atlantic voice cut in. A man with a thin moustache, ruby waistcoat, and slick, dark hair strode in, pressing something that caused a panel in the wall to open. Within a robot claw picked out a glass and another some bottles then began to mix as the man explained, “after fire claimed the lives of Doctor Samuel Lipcress and his daughter, his son tried to turn this place into show-home for the technology of tomorrow,” the robotic tender held out the glass which the man helped himself to. “The delicious irony of course is that this house of the future would become haunted by its past.”

Kaya leaned a little to one side. “What’s up with this guy?” She whispered to Jenn. “Why’s he sound like Frasier and Niles?”

“I think he’s going for Vincent Price,” Jenn quietly answered.

“Ah. That makes sense, actually,” Kaya nodded. “Suppose that’s why you’re the detective.”

“Mortimer Graves,” the Price impersonator bowed. “Here to help you all settle in before you retire. But first I believe a brief tour is in order.”

The house was hardly a mansion so the tour was indeed brief. There were more gadgets in each room which, at the time they were installed at least, would have been cutting edge, and in fact wasn’t dissimilar to Jennifer’s own home. In the kitchen was a robotic chef and every appliance came loaded with apps to monitor their contents and temperature. In one corner was a grey machine that resembled a miniature elephant, with a vacuum cleaner tube for a nose. Creepy, even though it was powered down, but hardly ghostly. It wasn’t until reaching the study that everyone finally got a taste of what they’d come for.

“Samuel Lipcress was a psychiatrist for many years,” Mortimer regaled, “but outside of work he was a very private man who rarely left this room. Not until after perishing in the flames was it learned that, toward the end of his life at least, he’d developed a keen interest in the occult.”

Leather bound books stood on the shelves, gothic gilded lettering displaying names like Paracelsus and Segerus and titles which included fire and salt, philosophorum, sepulchral, and mori. Below them was what appeared to be an old chemistry station made of glass and brass.

“All this survived the fire?” One of the ghost hunters, whose name Jenn had learned through overhearing chatter in the halls was James, asked. The other with the microphones was Daniel, and the medium called Stephen. She had yet to learn any surnames, but nor was she actively looking.

“Some of it did,” Mortimer answered. “What didn’t I’ve restored as best I can from whatever fragments the flames spared. The cause of the fire was never ascertained. So perhaps Samuel never found whatever he was searching for within these texts. Or then again, perhaps he did. Perhaps, friends, some doors are never meant to be opened. Some answers just not meant for mortal kin.”

“Hm, yes,” Kaya sagely nodded along, “like, what is ‘beyond’ in Bed, Bath, and Beyond?”

Mortimer gave her a perplexing look, before just curtly nodding as well. “Quite.”

Stephen had been stood behind everyone with his fingers on his temples and his eyes closed. He chose now to step forward, gesturing to one corner of the study. “I’m sensing a man. He spends a lot of time in this room, before and after death. This is his sanctuary. The only place in the world where he’s… real?” His eyes remained squelched shut like he was under considerable physical. “Where he can really be himself. But there’s another presence as well. Female, I would say. So full of life and energy. I’m getting… Elle?”

James whipped through a notebook. “’L’?” He suggested. “As in Luna Lipcress - his daughter. She was staying with him when the fire occurred. Only fifteen.”

Which was a tragedy, but with regards to an investigation wasn’t information that couldn’t be gotten through a quick web search as Jenn already had done.

Tenley raised a hand. “I have a question. Has anyone ever actually seen a ghost here?”

“Most incidents have been auditory,” James explained. “Although there have been a few reported psycho-kinetic phenomena.”

Again Kaya looked to Jenn for a translation. “Objects moved by themselves.”

“But that could just be all the computers and gadgets having a fit,” Tenley rather intelligently pointed out. “Has anyone seen an actual ghost?”

“One person might have done,” Mortimer returned with a wry smile. There was a folder tucked between books on one of the shelves that he picked out and opened. “You see, when the incidents first occurred people thought like you do – malfunction. But the same technology has been used elsewhere without any problems and despite test and retest and rebooting the entire system technicians were unable to find a single fault. One engineer decided to spend the entire night watching over everything. When he didn’t report the next day others came looking. They found him – or rather, they found his body. Breathing, still, but alone in the cellar completely naked. His skin was as white as snow and his mind just gone.”

The folder contained photos of the man in question. Blank, glassy eyes, grey hair standing up. Those Jenn hadn’t been able to find on the web and were certainly curious, if they were real. Mortimer was clearly a showman and knew that here, in the last room on his tour, someone was bound to suggest malfunction so he had the folder ready and waiting to respond and take his ghost mystery to the next level. No longer just vague noises and bumps in the night, but now the possibility of real physical harm.

“Um,” Stephen tentatively raised a hand, “I have a question also. Isn’t she,” he gestured at Tenley, “a little bit too young for all this?”

Tenley faced him, black eyes narrowing to slits. “Aren’t you a little bit too old?”

Any pretence Stephen had of being a concerned adult rapidly fled, replaced with a defensive stance and posture. “I have a gift, child. A gift for helping the living get in contact with the nether realm.”

“Funny,” Tenley grinned, fingers twitching at the edges of her blue duffel coat almost like an old western gunslinger, “me too.”

“Yes, well,” Mortimer coughed before either of them could demonstrate their power, which was lucky for Stephen. “There is no official policy regarding the age of guests, yet. So long as she’s accompanied by a guardian she can stay. Now allow me to show you to your rooms.”

Jennifer stayed behind as the others filtered out. This room reminded her of her father’s old study, a place where she’d felt safe and secure from the mean and cruel world when she was much younger. She picked out one of the books, opening it to a random page.

“What’s that?” Kaya asked, having obviously just noticed Jenn hadn’t gone out with the rest of them.

“Carl Jung – Psychology and Alchemy,” Jennifer said, not looking up. “That’s what all the books in here are about. Although mostly alchemy.”

“Is that important?”

“It’s interesting. Some are out of print and quite rare.”

“No, no,” Kaya scooted across, closing the book down on the desk, “you are not spending the whole night just hiding in here. Come on.” Jenn had given up trying to escape, so didn’t resist as she was being dragged away. Until she remembered she’d left something quite important on the desk.

“My tablet!” Jenn said, slipping out of Kaya’s grasp.

“Just hurry up,” Kaya told her, “I expect you outside in two minutes, got it?”

Jenn nodded and Kaya left. Two minutes, then she would have to go out there and be around actual human people. Trying times indeed, so she probably shouldn’t waste what little she had here worrying about that. She could get in a round of Brain Training in that time.

“So you don’t really want to be here much more than I do?” Jennifer had thought she was alone but that voice belonged to another woman. It was deeper and more cracked than hers. Jenn squinted to see a cigarette smoking silhouette next to the window. As her eyes adjusted slightly she saw a face she knew she had seen before, when she was doing her research on this place. Albeit, she was older now than she had been in the pictures Jenn saw.

“Missers Lipcress?” Jenn presumed.

“Missers Smith now, actually,” the woman corrected. “I was a widow for ten years, dear. Had to move on eventually. Or try to at least.”

“Of course,” Jennifer bowed, scratching one of her calves with the other foot. “I-I’m sorry.” This was very awkward. At least when there was a group of people she could hide at the back and just let Kaya or even Tenley do most of the talking. Now she was alone with a strange woman whose attention was all focused on her. Jennifer suddenly felt like a schoolgirl. She couldn’t just make an excuse and leave. She couldn’t go anywhere until she was given permission to by the mistress.

“You’re a shy one, aren’t you?” Missers Smith astutely noticed. “Not really the social type? It’s okay dear. I don’t bite.”

“I’m sorry. I just wasn’t expecting… you.”

“Me neither. Always thought it was better to just let the dead lie. Yet now, here I am,” Missers Smith strode to the middle of the study, taking a deep puff on her cigarette as she sadly shook her head. “Never knew about all this. Me and Sam – we’d split a long time before what happened. Alchemy, you say? Guess he was always keen on old folktales and myths, but I’m sure it was all just academic stuff to him. He was a doctor, dear,” Missers Smith stated, stubbing out her cigarette in the ashtray on the desk. “No alchemist or warlock or anything of the sort.”

Jennifer twitched, wanting to say something about modern chemistry and medicine having evolved from alchemy, but now felt like it wasn’t an appropriate moment. Instead she asked, “why did you open this place up again?”

“Jon thought it would help me get closure,” Smith said, already lighting up again – a clear indication that plan wasn’t working out too well. “Least that’s what he told me. Really he wants to open the place to everyone – let them pay to spend the night in a haunted house. Just his latest money-making scheme. So he got Simon – sorry, Mortimer – to fix it up as best he could. You and your friends are just another test audience.”

That much Jenn had surmised already. She hadn’t expected there to be any real mystery here, but she was curious now about these books, and about the man found in the cellar and the state of his mind. “Was he – Sam – was he interested in anything else?”

“Guess he would have approved of all the upgrades to the house. He was always into computers and gadgets. Loved showing me all these models of the brain he’d made. Course I could never make sense of any of it.”

“Interesting,” Jenn commented, tilting her head to one side and arching an eyebrow, appearing lost for a moment.

“And why are you here, dear? You’re no ghost hunter.”

“Why…?” Jenn blinked herself back. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re looking at things, searching for answers about them. The others who come here – they already know what answers they want, and so they’ll find them and then they’ll leave. You don’t really believe in anything supernatural at all, do you?”

“No,” Jenn admitted. “I mean, I just don’t really like the word ‘supernatural’ because, well, nature is everything. Anything that affects nature in any way has a part in it. Anything that doesn’t affect nature either doesn’t exist or might as well not as far as we’re concerned. I mean, that’s what I think…”

Missers Smith squinted, “You’re a very odd girl, aren’t you?”

“You’re not the first to say so, Missers Smith.”

“Perhaps you prefer the word ‘paranormal’.”

“Better. There is a lot about nature that’s not understood. That might never be understood. But in answer to your real question, Missers Smith, I’d never believed it was possible for anyone to come back.”

Two minutes had more than passed by now. Kaya began to call with promises to drag the blonde’s butt out of there. “I’m sorry, Missers Smith,” Jenn did a slight curtsey, “I should be with the others.”

“Julia,” Missers Smith said. “Please stop calling me Missers.”

“Sorry ma’am,” Jennifer bit her lip, “Julia. I do have one more question; is it true, what happened to the engineer?”

“Poor Robert. Yes. I’ve no idea what happened, and it seems neither does. He’s been re-educated, but his mind and memory and everything he was before that night – all gone. Like it was just-,” Julia’s face contorted as she struggled finding the right word.

“Erased,” Jenn offered for her. “Thank you, Julia.”

Jennifer left the room with a small smile on her face. It seemed there was a real mystery to solve here after all.

#writing #writeblr #writblr #halloween stories #mystery #horror #sci-fi and fantasy

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capamerica081-blog · 6 years ago

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Insight In Sci-Fi (1)

Hey all!

This is my first ever blog post and I'll be honest, I really don't know exactly what I'm doing. I figured I'd give it a whirl and let come what may.

I'll preface by saying I grew up a huge fan of Star Wars, Star Trek, and Stargate, and have since included both Marvel and DC comics into my sphere of interests. And of course, the thing that drew me in as a kid was the fantastic visuals of all of these worlds. From lightsabers to Borg cubes to city ships, I snorted it all like a cocaine addict. However, as I've gotten older, I've come to realize that a lot of the genius behind some of these works was in the subtle moral lessons that were instilled in me. Although I credit my parents with giving me a good upbringing and teaching me good morals, it was these sci-fi stories I loved so much that helped solidify moral compass. So I may digress in some of my future posts, but for this one I want to talk about a single Star Trek episode and the moral dilemma presented in it.

I was about 10 when I started watching and collecting Star Trek Voyager on DVD. My dad and I would watch an episode a day after school, which is kinda how we would bond. My mom, on the other hand, really couldn't care less about anything to do with science fiction. Nevertheless, she loved me and wanted to try to share my interests, so one night she agreed to watch an episode with me. I chose one I figured she would like: Distant Origin, Season 3, Episode 23. It wasn't violent, had a fascinating story, and didn't require any previous knowledge of the show. For those of you who haven't seen it, I'll give a quick recap:

Voyager encounters a super advanced race called the Voth. These reptiles are more advanced than any other race they've encountered, and have created a "Doctrine" that highlights their supremacy across history. Then one Voth archaeologist finds evidence that despite what "Doctrine" states, it turns out that the Voth are from a distant planet, and that they have genetic similarities to humans. Long story short, they're dinosaurs that escaped Earth and evolved in space. Boom. But when the archaeologist tries to tell his people, the political leaders give him an ultimatum: shut up and stop your research or we kill the humans. He decides to stop his research.

So like I said, good episode and worth the watch, but what threw me for a loop was what happened after my mom and I finished the episode. She looked at me and asked, "So do you think he was right to do what he did?"

REALLY, MOM?! YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE ME PHILOSOPHY HOMEWORK ON A STAR TREK EPISODE AT 10 YEARS OLD?!?!

I don't remember what answer I gave her then, but I've spent years pondering that question, and once I became more aware of politics and the world at large I realized what moral issue the episode was tackling. Evolution, climate change, basically all science that is so radical in its implications that it affects political decisions. You see, it didnt matter whether the Voth political leadership believed the archaeologist's solid evidence, and as a kid I didnt understand that. I thought they were just being, and I quote, "meany butts". If the origin of the species really was different from "Doctrine" stated it to mean, that would mean that everything about "Doctrine" was open to reexamination, including the right of the powerful to be in positions of power.

The issue with having a written history that doubles as a rule book for society is that our knowledge of history is imperfect. The uncovering of history is through archaeology, archaeology is a science, and the basic tenet of science is the acceptance and comfortability that we dont know everything. So, if your rules for society are based on a history set in stone, eventually new evidence will spring up that challenges that history, and then the rules that are tied to that history are going to be questioned as well. And if those rules say that "So-and-so's family is to rule over the land" then that family is in danger of losing their power.

Here in the real world, these are heavily prescient issues. Evolution vs. Creationism being the most poignant. Although scientific evidence throughout the last 150 years shows evolution to be an active and essential part of biology, there are those who dispute it as an "unproven theory" and that religious doctrine (yes, I'm deliberately highlighting the similarities) is the truth. Dont get me wrong, I'm not anti-religion, I think that it serves as a valuable community and overall spouts powerful beliefs about how we should live our day to day lives. But for leaders to stick to the history presented in it as literalism, even after being confronted with factual evidence that suggests otherwise can be dangerous for society.

So to bring it back, I'll say this. Yes, Mom, I do believe that the archaeologist was right to bury his research to save 150 people, but only because it was just him. Had he been leading a movement, the issue would've been different, but hey, I didnt write the episode.

Anyways, that's my take on that. I'll go ahead and post on something different next time! If you all have suggestions of another topic I can ramble on, please let me know. I hope you enjoyed my thoughts!

🖖

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lyssala · 8 years ago

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Day 24 - Plot of Your Favorite Movie

Pairings: Eren/Mikasa & Levi/Hanji, Shingeki no Kyojin

Words: 11946

Rating: T (Language)

Inspired By: Welcome to Jurassic Park, Theme from Jurassic Park, A Tree For My Bed (Jurassic Park Soundtrack)

Notes: I have far too many favorite movies to actually have one be all end all movie but Jurassic Park comes pretty close. It’s a movie I’ve loved since I was seven years old and that will never change. I cried when I watched Jurassic World in theatres because it was everything I loved about the first movie. That was where this story came from too! As I was walking into the theatre I was thinking about this prompt in particular and thought it might work. And then I saw an image of Levi stuck in the park with two terrified and slightly lovestruck teenagers like I didn’t sign up for this but if you think they’re getting a scratch on them you’ve got another thing coming. I couldn’t resist. I also had to bypass some of the science stuff to make it less tedious to explain but I figure most everyone knows how it works lol Also please forgive my dinosaur knowledge. I tried to be as accurate as I could but I don’t have any access to scientific case reports, just google ;-;

AO3 / FF.Net

Life Finds a Way

(Day 24 – Plot of Your Favorite Movie)

This was Hanji’s idea. Levi never wanted to step foot off their site cause they had, you know, a lot of damn work to do but she just wanted to go on some tropical vacation to an amusement park or wherever the hell they were going. Of course, not even he was dumb enough to pass up the grant that Dr. Jaeger promised when he showed up at the dig site for only one price; Levi and Hanji had to come put a stamp of approval on a park.

Levi never cared for theme parks, especially any dinosaur themed. They always catered to kids and spewed out false information to excite people more. He was a scientist; he didn’t spend all those years in school to entertain children who wanted pet a dinosaur or whatever.

This wasn’t any park though. There were real dinosaurs here.

Levi couldn’t believe his eyes when he stepped out of that Jeep. He could hardly believe the way the ground shook, the way he heard their calls in his ears. How could this actually be a thing? How could they be real? How how how…

Even going through the labs, seeing the babies hatch, being told this was rea, that Dr. Grisha Jaeger and his scientists brought back dinosaurs, and seeing it with Levi’s own eyes, he still couldn’t believe it. Hanji was much more apt to buy into everything and ask a million questions at the labs that nearly made them miss lunch. He dragged her away after that.

He was told it was DNA, he was told they were only girls to be able to control population; he was told everything was safe. He was told him and Hanji were here to make sure everything looked and felt as accurate as it could. Levi couldn’t lie, it did look and feel so real that he wasn’t sure what to believe but the scientifically sound facts laid out in front of him.

These were real dinosaurs.

The rain was pounding so hard on the windshield of the car, it was nearly impossible to see out into the already pitch black night. Yeah, real dinosaurs until he got stuck in the damn tour car. Everything going off without a hitch, right, Grisha?

Levi leaned back in the driver’s seat and closed his eyes. He knew the other car was right behind them and that they hadn’t moved either. The radios were down due to the storm so communication with the main center was out as well.

“Are you cold?” a quiet voice asked from the back seat.

“No, it’s still like a million degrees out even with the rain,” another voice grunted just enough to irritate Levi.

“A million degrees is a little extreme, kid.” Levi glanced in the rearview mirror to see the boy with his elbow up against the door, eyes watching the rain outside.

“I didn’t ask you,” he said, though he earned a kick in the leg from the girl sitting next to him.

“Eren, he’s your dad’s friend,” she said.

“Not true,” Levi said. Of course, just his luck he got stuck with the two teenage brats. The girl wasn’t terrible, she was actually pretty quiet but the boy was pretty damn moody and was beginning to irate Levi after being stuck in a car with them for nearing an hour now.

That was mainly Hanji’s fault as per usual. If she hadn’t gotten too excited over looking into a sick triceratops and ran off with the park ranger to look into it, Levi wouldn’t be stuck with the kids. Granted one of the kids, a blond kid with glasses and eyes that reminded Levi too much of Hanji, went with her since he wanted to figure out what was wrong too. She was more than happy to take any person who’d listen to her. His friends seemed to be okay with it since Dr. Jaeger was back at the main center anyways though Levi wished these two went back too or at least got in the other car with Erwin and Nile.

“Did you see something?” the girl asked. Levi couldn’t really remember her name but he thought it started with an M or something.

“Thought so, but nothing.”

Levi glanced behind him. Eren was still staring off into the T-Rex gates, the wind blowing the trees around and shooting rain everywhere.

“Do you think it can get out?” she asked, though if the thought scared her voice portrayed nothing.

“Mikasa,” Eren said, rolling his eyes. “That’s ridiculous.”

His voice had more bite than Levi cared to hear. “Hey,” he grunted. “Don’t talk to your girlfriend like that.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Eren muttered as Mikasa took to looking at the ground. Teenagers.

“Doesn’t matter, be respectful, brat.”

It was quiet for a moment. “I just mean that my dad made sure everything was safe before he let us or anyone come here. He’d never put us in danger. The reason he waited so long for us to visit was to make sure everything was good so we could test it or whatever.”

Mikasa nodded but she didn’t say anything else, eyes back out the window. Looks like someone already had a little crush. Levi rolled his eyes. It was none of his business. He just wanted someone to come here and get them already.

He leaned forward to fiddle with the radio attached to the tour screen but still nothing. A tower must’ve gone down in the storm but the control center had to know where they were in the least. Maybe the storm was too bad to be able to drive through the park right now; it did look pretty shitty out there.

From what Levi could tell coming into the park and his brief day around it, Grisha Jaeger did take great care in security while also giving the dinosaurs the habits they’d need to survive like they would’ve all those years ago when the earth was so different. A low creak made Levi look up towards the gate; a few of the metal bars were swaying in the wind. He really hoped that security was ready to hold up.

“It’s okay,” Eren said though Levi knew the kid wasn’t talking to him. “Even some wind couldn’t take down those fences. Dad tried to explain to me what went into it but I wasn’t really paying attention. A lot of technical stuff though.”

“I’m not scared,” Mikasa said.

He snorted. “I didn’t say you were. I was just saying.” Eren paused for a moment. “Wonder what Armin’s up to.”

“Probably busy solving whatever issues are going on,” she said.

A gust of wind blew so hard Levi felt the car move on the track it was connected to.

“Bet he could get this power back up,” Eren said but his throat sounded a little thick, like he was trying to swallow a lump that got stuck. “Remember that one time during the hurricane? And we were the only ones back with power cause of him?”

Mikasa didn’t get a chance to answer, not when he eyes were wide staring outside his window.

“What?” Eren whipped his head around. “Did you see it?”

“I don’t…I don’t know. It’s too dark.”

“Don’t worry,” Levi said. “You’ll know.” He squinted out in the dark trees that blew just beyond the gate. He couldn’t see anything but that didn’t mean it couldn’t see them.

“Super reassuring,” Eren grunted leaning back in his seat.

Levi arched an eyebrow. “Weren’t you the one going on about how safe it was?”

“It is.”

Silence once again, though Levi heard the way the metal fences started to creak in the wind. He didn’t quite like the sound of that.

“Dr. Ackerman?” Mikasa asked in a much softer voice than the one she used with Eren.

“Yeah, what?”

“What did you think of the dinosaurs?”

It was an oddly childish question but it was kinda why he and Hanji were here. “Very alive.”

Eren snorted.

“I see bones and then I see renders of what one might look like but to see them in the flesh is…unnerving to say the least.”

“You don’t think they’re beautiful?” Mikasa asked.

Levi shrugged. “Course, there’s beauty in raw power, in force, in stature but at the same time should that T-Rex come too close to me I’d be outta here. That’s Hanji who’d try and get close to it to study it as you can see why she’s gone and I’m here.”

“Did you not think this was a good idea?” Eren asked, his tone was a little condescending but this time Levi chose to ignore it; this was after all everything Eren’s father put into sacrificing probably much more than just money.

“An interesting idea that’s appealing to many different types, whether for entertainment or research.” Levi turned to look at the kids who were both watching him now. “It opens many doors, but I dunno if you want all of those doors opened.”

“I just wanted to see the T-Rex,” Eren grunted as he leaned his head against the window.

No use talking morality with teenagers apparently, why did that not surprise Levi at all. He turned back around in his seat. Maybe he could just sleep, they could watch themselves.

“We got to see the triceratops,” Mikasa said.

“Yeah, and it was cool but my Dad’s been talking about the T-Rex for years, every time he called so just wanted to see it.”

Mikasa was quiet again and Levi suspected that was because there was more between the lines of Eren’s words. Kid probably just wanted to see if all the time his father spent away was really worth it.

Levi decided he would close his eyes because he was tired of babysitting. The moment he did, he heard something snap, a metallic clattering echoing all around them.

“Eren, was that…”

When Levi turned his head, Eren was facing the gate with one hand out to keep Mikasa where she was sitting. It was hard to see through the rain covered windows but the poles of the gates started to fall to the ground all around them.

Shit. This wasn’t good at all. There was a good chance anything inside was nowhere near the gates but these were not dumb creatures. It had probably been watching them for a long time.

Levi turned around in his seat. “You two stay here and don’t move a muscle, you hear me? Especially if you see something move. Stay here.”

Eren and Mikasa looked more surprised than anything, but they nodded.

Levi threw open the door, and slammed it shut behind him. It was still pouring but he could at least see the car behind his. He knew this was a risk, but if it was watching at least his movements would draw it away. Levi ran to the other car, pounding on the driver’s side.

“What the hell are you doing?” Nile hissed as he swung open the door. “Do you see what the hell is going on over there?” He frantically pointed towards the gate that was still crumbling around them. Figures the lawyer would be a prick.

The rain was pounding down on Levi’s back as he leaned over. “Yeah, I’m not a moron,” he shouted over the storm. “Everyone needs to stay as absolutely still no matter what happens.”

“Dr. Ackerman,” Erwin said from the other seat. He was another doctor but of what Levi didn’t quite care to remember right now. “Are we in danger?”

“Provided what’s in there stays in there, no.”

Levi felt it before he heard it. He saw the puddles ripple around his feet, he felt the earth vibrate with every step. He looked up into the car and they must’ve felt it too. “Don’t move,” he said but it didn’t matter to Nile apparently.

He pushed Levi out of the way and ran. Where, he had no idea, maybe that rest stop that was just across the pavement, but he didn’t have time to chase after some stranger’s dumbass. He quickly sat down in the car, shutting the door behind him.

“Should we go after him?” Erwin asked, arching an eyebrow.

“If you want to be my guest.”

Erwin didn’t move so Levi figured it wasn’t that much of a priority. “Is it there?” Erwin’s eyes were watching the car in front of them.

“It will be, unless it didn’t notice us at all,” Levi said.

“Is that possible?”

“Possible, yes, likely, no. If these creatures are as real as Dr. Jaeger said, then the T-Rex in there is not only smart but a predator. It knows how to hunt.”

Erwin was quiet for a moment, the car starting to vibrate as the ground shook. “Are the kids okay?”

“I told them to stay in there and stay still.”

As if on cue, a light shone up in the sky like a beacon in front of them. Erwin leaned forward, his hands on the dashboard. At first Levi thought someone finally came to get them but his stomach sank when he realized one of those kids turned on a flashlight of sorts.

“No, you brats,” Levi said even though he knew they couldn’t hear him. “Turn it off.”

The light flickered around, clearly they were trying to get a look at what could be out there but it was only gonna attract it like a moth to a lamp. Levi reached up to brush some of his wet bangs out of his eyes.

“Do you think the storm caused the power to go off?” Erwin asked though his eyes were staring at the forest.

“Something must’ve.” Levi was trying to keep an eye on the light shining up like a freaking beacon. The kid’s dad made this place, didn’t he teach his son anything about what real dinosaurs would be like? Jesus Christ. Levi moved his hand to the handle of the car door. It was a risk to run out there again to go get the brats to knock it off but on the other hand he wasn’t even sure if it would do any good; if it was in the vicinity, it would’ve already seen the flashlight.

The ground started the rumble again. This time Levi could see the ripples in the puddles outside the car. The flashlight was still on.

“Levi…”

If Erwin was gonna ask a question though it was immediately forgotten. The most deafening noise Levi ever heard filled his ears. He nearly clapped his hands over his head to block out the noise but he was completely frozen.

The light in front of him suddenly fell like whoever was holding it dropped it. It didn’t stop the ground from moving, almost like an earthquake. This was worse though. This was a seven ton beast and it was coming right at them. There would be no force in nature to stop it.

“Oh my God…” Erwin murmured, his hands tightening on the dashboard.

Levi saw its head before any other part of its body. It was leaning down towards the car where the kids were; eyes looking in. Horror sank into the pit of his stomach. It was one thing to dig up bones, but to create a being long extinct for a reason and then to accidentally set it loose was a complete other. “Grisha Jaeger,” Levi said under his breath. “What the hell did you do?”

The light suddenly shot in a different direction, one of those kids must’ve kicked it or something. The T-Rex stepped out of the forest with another deafening roar as it showed its massive body. By massive, he meant it; even looking through the rain covered windshield, Levi knew with its tail it had to be 40 feet long, the head alone 5 or 6 feet long, teeth that could crush through bones in one easy motion. Someone screamed in the car ahead.

Shit.

The T-Rex leaned its head down at the side of the car again, making it nearly flip off the track.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Levi whipped around and jumped into the backseat. These things had to have some kinda repair kit or emergency kit somewhere. Goddamn it. Couldn’t they’ve just listened to him in the first place? It’s almost like he knew what he was talking about.

Erwin didn’t move or at least if he did Levi didn’t hear anything. There was a crunching sound, like car hit the ground again but he couldn’t see as he dove into the way back of the way, pushing around some tarps till he found something of use. Even over the rain he could hear the screams, the crunching of metal.

“And goddamn Hanji wonders why I don’t ever want kids,” Levi grunted as he shoved the backdoor open, flare gun in his hand. “Stay here,” he said, looking to Erwin’s shell shocked face before Levi jumped out into the rain.

Water almost immediately drenched through his boots, his clothes. The T-Rex was nudging the car again. It must’ve learned from last time because this time it hit the bottom of the car flipping it completely over. Glass shattered and metal bent as the dinosaur stepped its foot down on the bottom of the car.

Levi raised the flare gun over his head. He couldn’t believe he was about to die for some brats he didn’t even know. He fired it up into the air making the beast stop and roar again. Levi waved his hands and started to move backwards; motion, it sees by motion. “Over here, shithead!” he shouted over the rain.

The T-Rex stared to move towards him, abandoning the car completely.

Another flare gun shot off. “Here!” Erwin shouted from the other side of the car, waving his arms frantically over his head. “This way!”

Didn’t anyone ever listen?

“Get them out of here!” Erwin called to Levi, though the blond’s eyes were on the T-Rex whose long legs were moving it quickly at them.

Levi didn’t have time to argue. He shot another flare off in Erwin’s direction as the man started to run down the car tracks. The T-Rex plowed through the rest stop, sending debris everywhere. Well, Nile picked a shitting hiding place if he had been in there.

Levi turned to run back to the overturned car. He dropped to his knees, looking under the crushed metal to see if the kids were even still alive.

Mikasa was moving, small sobs falling from her lips as she tried to grab onto Eren’s arm to pull them both out and try and keep his head out of the water that had started to accumulate in the car. He wasn’t moving, a gash on his forehead dripping blood onto his face.

“Mikasa, give me your hand,” Levi said, reaching into the car.

“I can’t leave him,” she cried.

The ground started to shake again. Either Erwin somehow managed to elude it or the distraction was gone.

“I’m not leaving him,” Levi said. “But we need to go now.”

“I can’t,” she whimpered, still trying to tug at Eren.

“We’re all gonna die if we stay here. You think he wants that?” Levi didn’t know if it would work or not, but it was the truth. They needed to move now or they’d lose the chance. Levi didn’t actually want to leave the kid to die, but right now he had to focus on at least getting her out.

She grabbed onto Levi’s hand and he pulled her out. He nearly fell backwards from the force but he managed to keep his balance and shove her around the back of the car. He grabbed her head pushing her down as he followed.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw the T-Rex leaning down towards them. It must’ve seen them move. Mikasa was trying to stifle her cries, eyes wide open in horror.

“Don’t move a muscle,” he hissed, keeping a firm grip on her to make sure this time she listened.

Its breath was so strong on them Levi could feel it blowing their clothes, their hair. Even as it sniffed the air around them Mikasa didn’t flinch. She just watched it happen, still as a statue.

The T-Rex seemed satisfied enough that it pulled away from them. Mikasa breathed but Levi knew they weren’t out of the clear just yet. It leaned its head around the car and started to shove it again. Levi had to grab at Mikasa to make sure her legs didn’t get caught under the metal scraping against the pavement.

“Eren,” she said, her voice hoarse as Levi hoisted her away from the car.

Yeah, Eren was still in there but Levi had no way to get in there let alone carry an unconscious body.

The T-Rex nudged the car again and Levi helped Mikasa move back, still trying to keep them hidden by the other side of the car. Yet, one look behind him and he knew it was gonna get even worse. Yeah, they had a carnivorous dinosaur in front of them that could kill them with one swipe and it was gonna get worse. The pavement dropped off into some kinda ravine. It was so deep Levi couldn’t even see the bottom, just trees and mist.

If he lived to see the end of this, he was gonna kill Hanji for dragging him here.

The car moved again and he was running out of room. There was no way of running without a death sentence and no way down without…

He saw it and immediately lunged for the rope hanging over the edge of the pavement. It must’ve been left from construction or something, but he honestly didn’t care. He crouched near the edge, wrapping the rope around his hands. “Get on my back, kid.”

The T-Rex pushed the car again, metal scraping, rain still pouring. God, this might be just as terrible but it was the only option.

“I can’t leave him,” Mikasa said, her eyes looking like they’d fill up with tears again. “He needs me. I can’t.”

They were just about to be in plain sight, the car getting close to knocking all of them over the edge.

“Get on my back now.” He didn’t actually see if she started to cry again because she reached her arms around his neck and he jumped off the edge.

The rope was slick and the wall was even worse. When he went to catch his balance by sticking his feet out against the wall, he slipped and sent himself and Mikasa flying at the rocks on the ravine wall. She yelped a bit but he tried to take as much of the force as he could. Feeling the way the rocks cut at his face he’d say he succeeded.

He kicked his boots at the wall trying to regain balance so he could move them down lower on the wall. All he needed was the T-Rex to look over and see them dangling on a rope.

Before he could get much further down the wall, the sound of crushing metal made his stomach sink. The car fell over the side, disappearing down into the mist below them with no sounds that were reassuring. That time Mikasa did start to cry, burying her head against Levi’s neck; he didn’t stop her.

Levi paused, just in case the T-Rex got curious but the ground was rumbling again and this time it was getting farther away. He tried to breathe a sigh of relief but he didn’t really feel like celebrating. No one should’ve been in this situation. Grisha Jaeger was lucky he wasn’t here or Levi would be having a lot more than just words with that man.

As carefully as he could, he moved him and Mikasa down the wall. She barely moved save for the occasional sniff but it did make it easier for him to move without falling or losing his grip of the rope. Though he was more than a little relieved when his feet finally hit the muddy ground.

It finally stopped raining somewhere along the way but Levi didn’t even know when that was. Mikasa carefully let go of him, her own feet sinking into the ground. She stood in front of him, her eyes looking down at the ground.

Levi took the moment to try and figure out where they were and if they were in even more danger than before. He couldn’t hear anything, nor could he tell where they were save for just being in another rain forest habitat; which did them absolutely shit. Top it off with the fact now it he had an emotional teenager to look after too.

“C’mon,” he sighed, reaching a hand up to run through his wet hair. He started to move but she reached a hand out to his arm though she didn’t look up at him.

“We have to find Eren.”

“Hey, didn’t I tell you I wasn’t leaving him?” Levi paused for a moment. That crash didn’t sound pretty. “But I dunno if you’re gonna wanna see what we might find.”

“I don’t care.” Mikasa did look up at him that time. She wasn’t crying anymore but her eyes had such an intensity it nearly took him back. “I’m not leaving him here.”

“We need to find the car then.” It was a bad idea. Looking for someone in this hell hole on steroids sounded like a nightmare, but if it was Hanji…Levi could understand.

Mikasa nodded and started to walk through the muddy mess they landed in. She seemed to be okay now but what happened moments ago was more than a little traumatic. He was pretty sure he was supposed to at least attempt to make sure she was okay though. She was kinda thrown into his care now.

“You aren’t hurt are you?” he asked, following beside her.

She shook her head though he thought she might be lying. In the moonlight he could see the cuts on her face, one particularly deep one on her cheek. Her clothing was ripped up a bit, more cuts on her skin but she was walking fine which he supposed was important.

Silence settled over them, just the sounds of the wind blowing through the trees. Depending with how much force the car was pushed off the edge was about where it would land. It didn’t look like it flew out from the edge that much but it had been hard to tell with the rain and adrenaline. If they stuck close to the wall they should find it somewhere, more than likely in a tree; this place seemed pretty heavily vegetated.

“Thank you,” Mikasa said, catching Levi off guard.

“What? For what?”

“You didn’t have to risk your life to save us. I was the one dumb enough to turn on the light and got us in this mess to begin with.” She wasn’t looking at him, but Levi knew she was lying.

“No, you didn’t. He turned it on, didn’t he?”

Mikasa bit down on her lip. “He just wanted to see if it was out there, if we’d be okay.”

Levi snorted. “Didn’t he learn anything from his father about dinosaurs?”

“When he was younger he liked it, but when dinosaurs are the reason you only see your dad once a year with a few calls every few months I’d imagine you’d start to blame them and not really care anymore.”

Figures. Everyone’s got daddy issues.

“I know Eren can come off as abrasive sometimes,” Mikasa said, reaching up to fidget with a necklace around her neck. “And he doesn’t know where to channel his frustrations but he’s a good person. He was worried and trying to help keep us safe.”

“Yeah, and you ever tell him how you feel about him, kid? I’m guessing no.”

That time she did look at him. “It’s not…it’s not like that. I’ve known him since we were nine.”

“Whatever you say.”

Mikasa opened her mouth probably to tell him how wrong he was, though he was pretty sure he wasn’t. It was written all over her face from the moment Levi got stuck in the car with them. She didn’t get the chance though because at the base of one of the trees was a bent tire.

She ran towards it, looking up into the thick leaves of the tree. “Eren!” she called but there was no response. “Eren, can you hear me?”

Levi glanced up at a nearby tree. He couldn’t see anything; even with the full moon it was hard to actually see deep into anything.

“Eren!” Mikasa tried again but all she got in response was the creaking of the tree; then cracking with the sound of metal scraping against something, branches breaking.

Levi dove forward to grab Mikasa by the waist, pulling her back so quickly they both fell backwards to the ground as the car they at one point were riding in came crashing to the ground in front of them.

“Eren!” Mikasa cried, scrambling to go after the car but another sound got her attention first, the sound of feet hitting the ground.

Eren Jaeger looked a little wobbly on his feet as he stood up near the fallen car, the gash on his face still looking fresh with the other cuts and bruises on his body where he got beat up from the car. His shirt was torn but he was alive and walking. He reached his hand to his head, wincing a bit but he seemed to notice they were there. Granted, if he was conscious he must’ve heard Mikasa calling for him.

She got up to her feet and ran to him. Levi thought the girl was gonna knock the poor kid over the way she threw her arms around his neck. Eren didn’t seem to complain though; he hugged her back carefully, dropping the uncut side of his forehead onto her shoulder. Levi only saw Mikasa’s reaction, but judging by how relaxed Eren seemed to be now, waking up in a destroyed car with no sight of her probably didn’t fare any better on him than it did on her.

Huh, maybe it wasn’t just her then.

Levi could hear their voices saying something, but he couldn’t tell what. Nor did he care to. He stood up and tried to brush some of the mud off his clothes but since he was still wet it was a little difficult to do so. When he looked up, the kids were walking over to him still standing close together.

“I’m surprised you made it outta that alive, kid,” Levi said.

“Me too,” Eren snorted, reaching his hand up to his head again; it probably didn’t tickle.

Levi almost wanted to ask him how he got outta the car before it fell but he just nodded towards the forest. “Let’s find somewhere in this God forsaken place remotely safe.”

No one objected.

In the end it was a tree that looked the safest; higher ground was always better in Levi’s opinion. The branches were big enough to rest on, and if anything was coming they at least wouldn’t get stepped on.

“Stop fidgeting,” Mikasa said from somewhere behind Levi.

“It stings, it’s not my fault,” Eren borderline whined.

“If you stay still it won’t sting as much.”

Levi had his back up against the trunk of the tree, watching the forest in front of them while Mikasa tried to help bandage some of Eren’s large cuts. She ripped the sleeves off his shirt with surprising ease and was trying to wrap it around his head.

“Did any dirt get in it?” she asked.

“I dunno, maybe, I can’t see it.”

“I just don’t want it to get infected.”

“I’m fine. You worry too much.”

“You got pushed off a wall in a crushed car that landed in a tree. I don’t think I worry too much.”

“I’m alive. You worry too much.”

Levi turned his head to tell them to knock it off with the bickering or he was gonna push them both out of the tree but when he did, Eren was using some of the left over rags to try and carefully wipe the blood off Mikasa’s face.

Alive. They were alive weren’t they? The whole thing was a blur now that it was over and he honestly had no hell of an idea how they survived. Granted now he was stuck with two teenagers he had to take care of but they were alive; alive for now at least. They somehow had to get back to the visitor’s center before getting eating by whatever else was out here.

“Dr. Ackerman?” Mikasa asked making him look over again.

“What?”

“Are you hurt?” She had the rag back in her hands, eyes watching him carefully.

“No,” he said, turning back to the forest. “You brats get some sleep. I’ll keep watch.”

There was a little bit of shuffling in the tree, making the branches shake but it didn’t seem to alert anything. They settled down and it was quiet save for the noises of the forest at night. Levi didn’t know if they actually be able to sleep, he was pretty sure he wasn’t gonna but walking at night was even more dangerous.

“Do you think Armin’s okay?” Mikasa asked, her voice quieter than even usual.

Right, that was the name of their other friend who was with them, Levi nearly forgot there was another kid here.

“Armin?” Eren said. “Oh yeah, you know he’s fine Mik. He’s smarter than us all. I’m sure he found a way to stay safe wherever he is.”

“If he’s still with Hanji,” Levi said, leaning his head back against the tree trunk. “He’ll be fine. She’s a pain in my ass but she’s resourceful enough to know what to do when something goes wrong.”

“Are you married?” Mikasa asked.

Levi glanced over to her. Eren had his back up against another part of the large trunk, his legs sprawled out in front of him with Mikasa nestled in between them, her head back against his chest. He looked a little strained but if he was in pain he was choosing not to voice it. “Hell no, you think I’d marry that insane woman who ran off without a second glance?”

A small smile pulled at Mikasa’s lips making Levi realize it was the first time he saw the girl smile. “Yes,” she said.

Levi snorted, rolling his head back against the tree. “I’m not taking relationship advice from a thirteen year old.”

“She’s seventeen,” Eren said.

“Same difference.”

Silence again. The tree started to shake, the ground rumbling under the weight of something massive coming by. It wasn’t as forceful as what they faced before, judging by the vibrations there were more steps too. It wasn’t on; it was a few and they had more than two legs.

“It’s okay,” Levi said, leaning forward to see if he could get a better look. “It’s not the T-Rex.”

“What is it?” Eren asked, though his voice sounded like it was on alert. Not that Levi blamed the kid after what they just went through.

Levi was about to take a guess when a mouth came up and bit at the leaves on the tree. He jumped back in surprise but not fear; they weren’t in danger here. Another head popped up, eating some of the leaves near were Mikasa and Eren where sitting.

“Brachiosaurus,” Eren said, surprising Levi that the kid was right.

“Yeah, that’s right,” he said.

It shook the branch they were on as it pulled at the leaves. “It’s said they have a body temperature of 113 degrees Fahrenheit,” Levi said. “Scientists think they had some sort of internal way or behavioral habits to keep cool.”

“Bet the island isn’t too hot for them then,” Eren said, leaning back against the tree trunk.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, watching as a few more went to eat at the other trees around them.

“Back when it was discovered, it was the largest dinosaur.” Levi wasn’t sure why he was spouting facts, but it was almost comforting. “There’s dinosaurs discovered since then that are larger.”

It really was astonishing what was done here, bringing these creatures back to life. It might not’ve been smart in Levi’s personal opinion before and after everything fell apart but damn if it wasn’t impressive watching these beasts in front of them. Well, ones that weren’t actively trying to eat them.

“I don’t understand what happened,” Eren said, watching the dinosaurs as they started to walk away from the tree, their weight making the ground shake again. “My dad had every little detail planned out. How did it go so wrong?”

“Wish I had an answer for you, kid,” Levi said. “But these creatures died off a long time ago for a reason. Bringing them back was risky from the very beginning. One power outage and the whole island is in danger.”

“What about backup generators? I’m sure they have dozens of them,” Mikasa said. “They have to.”

“I know they do. My dad wouldn’t have let any risks not when he was letting kids in here,” Eren said. “He’s ambitious sure, but he’s not careless.”

“No use worrying about it now. What’s done is done. In the morning we’ll head back to the main compound, they’ll have supplies and hopefully everyone else is there.” Levi leaned his head back against the tree.

“It’ll be okay,” Eren said, though his voice was soft. “Everything’ll be okay.”

Levi wasn’t sure if the kid was trying to reassure Mikasa or himself.

The sunlight hit Levi’s eyes making him squint them open. Did he fall asleep? He tried to reach up to rub his eyes but he found his entire hand was asleep. He looked down only to see both the kids curled up together, their heads practically on his lap, and one of them was definitely sleeping on his hand.

Yesterday he might’ve pushed them both out of the tree, today he just removed his hand from under them. They had to have been exhausted. Levi tried to look through the trees; the sun was still high so it was probably early morning. He wasn’t sure how far away they were from the main compound so they probably should get moving.

He looked back down to Eren and Mikasa, both soundly asleep, his hands pressed into her lower back keeping her close as she had her fingers curled into his shirt. It was almost cute.

“C’mon.” Levi reached a hand out to shove at Eren’s shoulder. “Get up, we gotta move.”

Eren shot up so fast Levi was kinda surprised the kid didn’t fall out of the tree. Mikasa moved with him but a bit slower. “Is something wrong?”

Levi stretched his arms over his head. “No, but if we wanna get back before night again we gotta move.”

Thankfully the ground seemed to dry up pretty well from the storm. It was a nice relief when Levi jumped down the last bit of the way and he didn’t sink into a bunch of mud. Granted the fact it was already so humid out only meant it was gonna get worse. At least his clothes finally dried out.

“Any idea which way the visitor’s center is, kid?” Levi asked when Eren climbed down, Mikasa following behind.

“Uh, not from here. I don’t even know where here is. I mean I looked at the map but I didn’t memorize it.”

Levi figured as much. He started to walk a head, letting them follow after him.

“Maybe if we find some higher ground,” Mikasa said. “Aren’t there all those electric fences and security points around it?”

“Yeah,” Eren said. “If we could see them we’d know where to go.”

“Look for some hills then,” Levi said, reaching a hand up to wipe some of the sweat off his forehead.

It only got worse as the day went on. It was one thing to be on a tropical island in an air conditioned car, it was a complete other to be walking through it for hours. It was hard to tell how much time had passed since they left the tree. Eren and Mikasa talked a little bit as they walked but they kept mostly to themselves. Levi listened on occasion but he was otherwise mixed with trying to stay focused and therefore alive; then angry that Hanji took off so now he had no idea if she was even alive and relieved she wasn’t there to be a part of that.

The sooner they could find the visitor’s center the better. Of course, this was still a large island and he had no idea if they were even going the right way. So far it was all forest and no way to get a good grasp of the area. Danger wise they seemed to be okay. They only saw a few animals native to the island and some smaller creatures that ran off before Levi could even get a good look at them. It was still dangerous to be here though. The T-Rex wasn’t even the worst that could be out there.

“Hey, look!” Eren exclaimed, running a head a bit.

Levi was about to tell Eren to knock it off but when Levi went to follow, he saw it too.

A wide open area lay out in front of them. It was a vast hilly filed, a lake of sorts at the bottom and all sorts of dinosaurs wandering around, drinking, eating, herding. Despite everything Levi saw, it was still like something out of a dream. He didn’t wanna go too far out in the open but he couldn’t help but step forward to get a better look.

“You see those over there?” Levi said, pointing to a group across the field, near some trees growing away from the forest. “Those’re archaeopteryx. They’re believed to be the earliest bird.”

“What about those ones who’re swimming,” Mikasa asked as she reached one hand up to block her eyes from the sun and the other to point down by the water.

“Plesiosaurus. It’s skin wasn’t very thick so to protect itself it moved quick and camouflaged itself.”

Mikasa looked like she was gonna say something else, while Eren was busy looking over the whole area with wide eyes. Maybe it was how he would’ve look at the whole thing when he was a kid.

Before they could even move, a roar shook Levi to his core. He was pretty sure he’d hear it in his nightmares.

It was back.

As quickly as he could he grabbed the kids by the back of their shirts and shoved them behind the nearest tree he could find on the edge of the forest. The ground started to shake again, two heavy footsteps coming from what seemed like all directions. Levi placed his hands on Eren and Mikasa’s heads, forcing them to stay low. They were already out in the open with limited space to hide. At least this time there wasn’t a flashlight nearby.

“Don’t move, either of you,” he said before carefully looking around the tree.

He could see the T-Rex in the field, looking just as menacing in daylight as it did last night. Thankfully it didn’t seem to notice them; it was too busy tearing something apart, making the rest of the dinosaurs take off for shelter of their own.

With another ear splintering roar it started to move. Levi made note of which direction until he couldn’t see it anymore. He waited an extra measure just to be safe. “Okay,” he said, releasing his hold on Eren and Mikasa’s heads. “We need to move that way.” Levi pointed at the field in the opposite direction of the way the T-Rex went. “No way in hell do I want that thing to see us again.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Eren said, glancing over the field before following Levi’s direction.

He wanted them to move fast, but also try and stay close to the forest for shelter. Predators were hunters, and some dinosaurs could easily track and surprise them. They were lucky up until now, but seeing the T-Rex again only made all too aware of what they were facing.

“Hey, Dr. Ackerman?” Eren said, moving to catch up with Levi, though out of the corner of his eye it looked like Eren was limping a bit. “Was this really what it looked like back then?”

“You mean with or without your band t-shirt and sneakers?”

Mikasa snorted in laughter behind them.

“Without,” Eren rolled his eyes.

“From what I can tell, it’s very possible.” Which was the truth to Levi’s knowledge. “The habits seem to be fitting for what types I’ve seen in them. It’s hard to say one way or another since the earth has changed so much since then. We can only research and guess what kinda habitats they had in a much different world than ours.” He paused for a moment. “Ask Hanji when you see her. She’d know better about that kinda stuff than me.”

“Man, Armin would’ve loved it out here,” Eren said. “Well, minus the near death experiences.”

“He’s safe wherever he is,” Mikasa said. “Like you said, and with Hanji right?”

“Yeah,” Levi said, though his stomach sank a little at the thought. “Sure they’re safe in the center somewhere.” All he could do was hope at this point.

“Look!” Eren suddenly exclaimed, making a flock of birds fly out from some nearby trees.

Levi was just about to yell at the brat to keep his damn voice down but Levi saw it too. Just over the hill, he could see the tall fences, the buildings in the distance. They were almost there.

Mikasa came to stand next to Eren, staring down at the compound. “We weren’t that far away after all.”

“Yeah, we just have to get there and find a way in.” Levi held a hand up to block the sun from his eyes. “It looks like it was on lockdown before the power shut off.”

Eren started to walk down towards the compound, some stupid girn on his face. “No worries, I’m an expert climber.”

It turned out he in fact wasn’t, not that Levi was too surprised honestly.

He did check to make sure the power was off before letting either of them try and climb it. It was pretty tall; probably to make sure nothing could get in should this sort of thing happen. Mikasa was the quickest out of them all. She scaled the outside of the metal fence and was on the ground inside before Levi barely kicked his leg over the top.

“What the hell are you?” he grunted.

“Inhuman,” Eren breathed, still a few feet from the top.

“Shut up,” she called up to them, though she was looking pretty proud of herself.

As Levi started to come down the other side, he heard something that in their position was almost just as bad as warning signs of the T-Rex coming. After last night he didn’t think he’d find anything that compared but the buzz of electricity while he and Eren were still on the fence was coming close.

“The power’s coming back on!” Mikasa shouted, her previous composure starting to fall.

Something clicked on loudly nearby, a warning sign to make sure anyone nearby stood away as the fences turned on. Levi tried to move as quick as his hands would allow, jumping off the last few feet to land on the dusty ground. He turned around to see Eren still struggling down the side of the fence. He must’ve hurt something in the fall last night that he didn’t mention. Levi could see the way his legs were shaking as he tried to navigate himself down.

Another echoing slam, like something heavy was closing. This time the fence gave off a loud beep as a warning.

“Jump!” Levi called up. “Kid, you better jump!”

“I can’t,” he hissed back, but even Levi saw the sudden fear in his eyes.

“Eren!” Mikasa cupped her hands around her mouth. “You don’t have a choice! Please!”

The gate let out another beep, the buzzing getting louder all around them. This dumbass was gonna survive a T-Rex attack just to get killed by a fence.

Eren twisted his body as he let go of the fence, sending him face first down at the ground. The buzz of the gate’s resonated all around them; the power was back.

Mikasa ran till she could kneel next to him, her hands reaching for his head. “Are you okay?”

He coughed, fingers tightening into the dirt. “‘M okay.”

Levi squatted down next to them, reaching a hand out to help Eren push himself up. He looked relatively okay if not just sore but Mikasa reached forward to his stomach where blood was seeping through his shirt.

Eren followed her gaze, giving a wince. “I may’ve lied last night.”

“We’re almost there,” Mikasa said, ducking her head under his arm to help lift him up. Levi grabbed Eren’s other side till he was on his feet.

He did try to walk on his own but his legs were still shaking, whether from the fall or an older injury only impounded by the fall Levi wasn’t sure.

“I got him,” Mikasa said, wrapping her arm around his back. “Let’s just get inside.”

Levi didn’t know how that small thing of a girl could nearly carry the full weight of a seventeen year old boy but she walked him away from the fences just fine so Levi let it be. Eren seemed to be a little out of it as they walked but he was still alive. Dumbass had some luck.

“There,” Eren said, nodding his head towards a building off to the side. “The back entrance to the visitor’s center. I remember it.”

“Can you take him inside, Mikasa?” Levi asked, looking down past a few more buildings. “If the power came back we’re not the only ones here.”

“Of course,” she said. “Just…” she paused and bit down on her lip. “Come back?”

He was beginning to find he couldn’t abandon those two even if he wanted to. “You got it, kid.” He waited until she managed to get Eren in the back door before leaving the area.

There had to be a main control room somewhere in here. That’s where they’d be if they were here. They had to be here. Someone had to be here.

Levi picked up his pace. He didn’t wanna run incase anything managed to get in and was lurking but the sooner he found the others the sooner they could get a better plan to get off this damn place. He saw a few restaurants and a few shops in the distance but this was the safest part of the island right now, they had to be here somewhere.

There was a small woods nearby blocking off a section of the park. There. Hidden as to not break from the aesthetic of the park but close enough for ease. That’s where all the power controls would be.

He moved to head that way but a snapping noise made him halt. Levi carefully looked around the area trying to move as little as possible. He completely froze when he saw what had made the noise. It wasn’t a dinosaur at all. It was a person. A person with her brown hair pulled back and those stupid glasses on her face.

Hanji watched him with wide eyes like she was unsure what to do until she started to run. Levi tried not to, but he wasn’t sure he had felt relief quite like he did when she ran into him, arms swinging around his neck.

“Oh my God,” she wheezed, face pressed into his shoulder. “You’re alive. I saw the wreck at the T-Rex pen and I just…you’re alive.”

Levi closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath, his arms around her waist. “Yeah, I’m alive. So are you. Thanks for abandoning me with the brats.”

Hanji gasped as she lifted her head to look at him. “Oh my God are they…?”

“A little cut up and bruised but alive. They’re in the visitor’s center.”

A look of horror crossed Hanji’s face, one Levi didn’t think he had ever seen. His stomach sank.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“We’ve got to get them.” She grabbed Levi’s hand and suddenly started running back towards the way he came.

He wanted to ask what it was, what was wrong but he found he couldn’t. He just left them. They’d be fine. They probably went and found some food and were finally sitting down.

She pulled a gun off her back that Levi hadn’t even noticed before and pushed open the front doors. Levi followed her into the building that was so quiet it was eerie. “I was turning the power back on,” Hanji said, though her voice was hushed. “I had to run through here from where I was. Me and Mike, the park ranger. I was the only one who made it there.”

Something made a scraping noise in the distance and Hanji raised her gun.

“The others are up in the secondary control room on the second floor.”

“Others?” Levi asked though his voice came out hoarse.

Hanji turned to give a small smile. “Yeah, there’s a few of us. We looked everywhere for you three. We found foot prints so I hoped you managed to take care of the kids.”

“Barely,” he said.

A noise echoed through the room. A series of calls that weren’t as intimidating at the T-Rex but it made Levi’s blood run cold.

“Hanji…”

She visibly swallowed, raising her gun again. “The raptors got loose in here.”

Jesus Christ. He left the kids alone. “I’ve got to find them.” He tried to move to get to the back of the building where he figured they were but Hanji reached her arm across his chest. Levi went to ask her what her deal was, but she nodded off towards the side.

If the sun hadn’t been shining the right way, neither of them might’ve seen the shadow lurking in the hallway across the room.

They couldn’t move. It already knew they were there. These were expert hunters; there was no way it didn’t. It was waiting, biding its time to strike.

Footsteps pounded down a nearby hall, and then almost metallic like clicks hitting the tiles following short thereafter. Another call echoed through the room.

Or it was waiting for the others.

The raptor lunged out from the hallway at them, causing Hanji to swing around, shooting her gun at it. It didn’t knock the thing off its feet but it must’ve gotten hit cause it slowed down for just a second.

Mikasa practically slid into the room, her hand tight around Eren’s as she dragged him behind her. He was limping but still moving pretty quick which meant neither of them got hurt any more.

“Up the stairs!” Hanji shouted, already running off towards a door on the side.

“Hurry up!” Levi paused for just a moment, grabbing a hold of Mikasa’s arm to shove her and Eren in front of him as the other two raptors practically flew into the room.

The one Hanji shot at made some kinda call, the other two responding. They were communicating with each other, they were making a plan. God, they just had to get trapped with the smart ones didn’t they?

Mikasa swung open the door and pulled Eren through, Levi following after with just enough time to slam the door before he felt a massive weight hit it. It nearly shot him backwards but he managed to get it closed again.

“Levi!” Hanji called from a little higher on the stairs.

“Just go,” he grunted, his hand trying to reach for the lock as the pressure from the raptor on the other side was making his feet slid against the tile. If another one joined in he was done for.

The door cracked open again, a clawed foot sticking in through the gap. Levi pushed trying to get the raptor back out and the door slammed shut with a force. He looked up to see Eren pushing his back against the other side of the door.

“Lock it,” he grunted, his head knocking back into the door, eyes clenched shut.

Levi slid the lock in place and grabbed Eren by the shoulder, shoving him towards the stairs.

The raptor gave out some call that Levi really hoped was in annoyance but he also knew there was no way that lock was gonna last under the pressure of three dinosaurs. He kept his hand on Eren’s back, pushing him up the stairs as Hanji and Mikasa ran up ahead.

When the wood on the doorway splintered, sending the door flying into the wall, Hanji was already opening up the door to the second floor. Levi could hear them climbing up the metal stairs, the click of their talons. There wasn’t any more time.

Levi pushed Eren through after Mikasa and shoved the door closed behind them knowing it would never hold. Hanji was running down the hallway, Mikasa following behind. Eren was tripping over his feet, still not recovered from anything that happened. Levi ducked his head under Eren’s shoulder, grabbing his waist so Levi could hoist Eren up some as they ran.

The door from the stairs swung open but Levi couldn’t look, he didn’t have to look to know what was there.

Hanji turned the corner and pulled open the nearest door. She ushered Mikasa in as Levi pushed Eren so hard he nearly fell into the room. Hanji closed the door behind them and Levi immediately shoved his back against the door.

“Oh God, Eren, Mikasa, oh my God, you’re okay.”

Levi looked up to see Grisha Jaeger hugging the both of them, the kids holding onto him tightly. A piece of their reality was back.

“I’m so sorry,” Dr. Jaeger said. “So sorry.”

“Glad to see you all made it out okay,” a familiar voice said from the other side of the room.

Levi looked over but was nearly knocked off his feet when a force pushed on the door. Hanji shoved her gun through the crack and must’ve scared the raptors for a moment because they backed off.

Erwin was sitting up on a desk. He looked pretty bandaged up and by the way he was positioned he must’ve hurt his legs.

“Glad to see you’re even alive after that stunt,” Levi grunted. “Hanji, get the lock before they come back.”

“It worked though,” Erwin said, looking pretty pleased with himself despite the situation.

“For now. Hanji, get the damn lock.”

“I can’t,” she said. “It won’t budge.”

Levi looked over to the dead bolt she was pushing on and sure enough it wouldn’t move by force at all.

“I think it’s electronic.”

“Oh!” That voice was a little more unfamiliar. “Give me a second!”

Levi watched a blond sit down at one of the few computers in the room. It was Armin. Well, looks like he had been safe all along.

“I managed to work out where and how to get the power back on,” he said, blue eyes staring at the screen and fingers moving over the keyboard. “I should be able to get security back up.”

“I knew you’d be okay, buddy,” Eren said, he said as Mikasa helped him over to where their friend was. “Told you, didn’t I.” He clapped his hand down on Armin’s shoulder as Mikasa leaned into hug Armin. The blond kept his eyes on the computer but there was a small smile on his face. He had probably been worried about them too.

“Yeah, you’re real genius,” Levi said as the door underneath him jerked again.

“Just a little longer,” Armin said.

Mikasa was watching him intently but she moved when Eren’s hand slipped on the table nearly sending him to the floor. She pulled him back up to his feet as he muttered a red faced “thanks”.

Hanji tried to shoot out the door again but nothing happened. She tossed it away with a groan and tried to use her other hand against the door. Grisha ran over to help but at this rate nothing was gonna keep them out.

“A little longer ain’t gonna cut it,” Levi said, trying to dig his feet into the ground to get more leverage.

“C’mon, c’mon,” Armin muttered. “Ah! Got it!”

Levi shoved the door shut, pushing out the talons that were poking in as Hanji got the dead bolt to slide into place. The raptors clawed against the door and then it stopped. Levi knew better to think they even had a moment to breath. “We have to leave, that won’t hold them.”

“The roof,” Grisha sputtered. “We have to get to the roof. Help is on the way.”

Levi looked around the room. There was no other door, not even a window. His eyes drifted up to the ceiling. Oh this wasn’t gonna be pretty.

The door creaked and then it was silent again.

“Up, we have to go through the ceiling,” Levi said. “And fast. Grisha you get up first and help pull everyone through, Hanji help Erwin get on his feet. Up on the tables, now.”

Grisha did as he was told. He pushed aside one of the squares and pulled himself inside the ceiling.

It was quiet outside the door but there was no way they were giving up. Hanji helped from underneath as Grisha hoisted Erwin up. Armin was next up, he probably looked the lightest out of them all; followed by Mikasa who could pull herself up and then Eren. Hanji jumped herself up and reached a hand back down for Levi. He grabbed it and started to climb up when he heard a click.

The door slowly opened, the raptors standing there.

They opened the goddamn door.

Hanji pulled hard as Levi kicked his legs up. A piece of his pant leg missing. Jesus Christ.

A head popped through one of the ceiling tiles near were Armin was crouched. He fell backwards into Hanji but she caught him before he fell through. “Go!” she shouted.

No one hesitated. Even Erwin was slow but he managed to keep moving along the thin panels of the ceiling. Levi was fairly certain they crossed into the next room but it was a little hard to tell. He could still hear the clicks and scrapes below them. Even if they did go in the next room, the raptors were following, not wanting to give up on their prey.

“If I remember right,” Grisha said from somewhere near the front. “There should be a staircase that leads to the roof.”

“Yeah, but where, Dad?” Eren asked, his voice a little strained.

Grisha was quiet which didn’t seem to bode well.

“I think it’s at the end of the hall,” Armin said. “I looked over the layout a few times on the computer.”

“Go till you see a wall and then we’ll have to jump down,” Hanji said.

“Sounds like a wonderful plan,” Levi said.

No one responded, mainly cause probably no one else had a better plan.

The ceiling below them broke again, a head hissing through. It was near Mikasa this time forcing her to roll away from where she was crawling. Another raptor broke though on Levi’s side.

“Faster,” he said, urging them to move.

“There’s the wall!” a voice called, Armin maybe? Levi wasn’t sure he was a little preoccupied trying to not get his leg bitten off.

Hanji kicked down through the ceiling, peering in before she jumped below. “Hurry!”

“I don’t think I can jump down,” Erwin said, he was crawling a bit behind Levi. “My legs. I don’t think I can.”

“We’re not leaving you,” Levi grunted. “So you better fall down the damn hole.”

Erwin let out some exasperated laugh but he didn’t argue.

Eren was just disappearing into the room when Levi got there. Hanji stuck her hand up but Levi jumped through, hitting the table underneath the ceiling.

“Make sure the kids are okay,” she said as Erwin tried to kick his legs over the edge. “I’ll make sure he gets up there.”

Levi almost didn’t wanna leave her again but she was tough, she’d be fine. He pushed the door open and saw Grisha just outside holding the door to the previous room shut with his back.

“It’s locked,” he said, though the door was starting to strain. “The kids are on the stairs already.”

Levi ran to the staircase doorway just as Hanji was helping Erwin out of the room. “Let’s go, move.” Levi pushed the door open and ushered them through. “Grisha, you too, move your ass.”

The man looked pained, conflicted almost. Levi could almost see the gears turning in his head.

“I’ll keep them back. They’ll be distracted.” The door shuttered under the weight of the dinosaurs.

He was trying to be the martyr, to atone for the wrongs he felt he did. It was bullshit is what it was.

“I don’t care what kinda hero shit you’re trying to pull but if you think I’m letting that kid go back without his father you’re insane. Get your ass up the stairs.”

Grisha paused for a moment before he let go of the door and ran to the stairs. Levi didn’t wait to see if the raptors got out. He slammed the door and ran up the stairs.

It wasn’t that long of a staircase thankfully and by the time even Hanji and Erwin reached the roof, the raptors hadn’t gotten to them again. That wasn’t gonna last long though.

Levi pushed his back against the roof door while Hanji placed her hands over it to try and keep it shut. She must’ve already helped Erwin down. There was a lock but it wasn’t as industrial as the others. It would never keep them out.

“Look!” Armin called, pointing off in the distance from where he was standing with Eren and Mikasa.

Levi didn’t have to look to hear it. The T-Rex was here.

“Stay down,” Grisha said, putting his hands on Eren and Mikasa’s shoulders, pushing them down into a couch and gesturing for Armin to do the same.

From what Levi could see it was still a bit away, but it very well could reach the roof from how tall it stood. Raptors on one side, a T-Rex on the other; how the hell were they getting out of this one? As if on cue the door jerked behind him, a call echoing in the staircase. The raptors found them.

“We need to do something,” Levi called. “And quick.”

“Armin managed to get a signal through earlier,” Erwin said, though it sounded more like a groan. They probably wouldn’t be able to move anymore even if they have a place they could move to. “An emergency one.”

“Well, that won’t do us shit if we get eaten on the damn roof.”

Another thump at the door behind them. The raptors were testing the door strength. The T-Rex roared. It must’ve hit a building with it tail or feet because the ground shook as debris fell somewhere in front of them. Other dinosaurs cried out as they bolted away from the area. The raptors weren’t that stupid though, they were still pushing at the door, the lock creaking. Levi could almost hear the sound of a helicopter in the air.

It was wishful thinking until Armin cried out. “It worked!”

Levi looked up to see the blond waving his arms over his head, a helicopter not too far above. Grisha reached up to pull Armin back from the edge of the building, Mikasa already helping Eren move away so the helicopter had a place to hover.

“Hanji, get Erwin and get on the helicopter.”

Her voice was a little strained but she laughed at him. What a shit. “No way in hell.”

Levi didn’t get a chance to argue as the door bucked again. Maybe it was the way the helicopter was making the wind whip around but everything was starting to become a blur. The T-Rex was moving quickly towards them. Even with help here they still only had a small window to move in.

Grisha was pushing Armin up into helicopter as Eren did the same for Mikasa; she reached back down to help him up. Once the kids were safe, Grisha ran back for Erwin, hoisting the man up onto his feet to limp over to the hovering vehicle.

Levi waited until both Erwin and Grisha were on board to look up at Hanji. She was straining against the door, it ready to give in any second. “I hope you can run better than you cook.”

She snorted but rolled her eyes.

He pushed away from the door and felt Hanji do the same. The door swung open behind them but he didn’t turn around. The T-Rex was moving closer on the other side, ground shaking as the raptors called out behind him. Levi didn’t even breath till he jumped into the helicopter turning around to grab Hanji but she was already climbing in.

In one stomach dropping motion the helicopter shot up in the air cause Levi to hit the ground with a force. He opened his eyes to see the forest of the island getting farther and farther away. The raptors seemed to be distracted by them for a moment until the T-Rex roared once more and they dove at it.

And then, everything but the hum of the helicopter was gone.

Levi had no idea how long he was out. He did know when he work up he was buckled into one of the seats, the soft vibration from the helicopter around him. That and his arm was asleep.

He blinked his eyes open and looked over in the seat next to him only to find Mikasa sound asleep on his arm, her head on his shoulder. Eren wasn’t fairing much better. He was asleep on her shoulder, his hand laced with hers as they slept.

Stupid kids. More than anything Levi was just glad they were safe.

There was a small snort of the laughter that made Levi look across from him. Hanji was trying not to laugh but she wasn’t doing a very good job at it. Armin on the other side of her was giving Levi a grin and thumbs up but for what Levi had no idea. Erwin had managed to get some medical treatment, his legs more properly bandaged up as he slept on a stretcher secured into the helicopter. Grisha wasn’t looking at any of them, his eyes watching the ocean as it passed underneath them.

“Hanji,” Levi said. His voice sounded gruff to his own ears but he tried to keep it down as to not wake the kids. They had been through enough; they needed to get sleep where they’d actually feel safe; for whatever reason that seemed to be with him. He’d never admit it, but he’d never make the move.

“Yeah?”

“I’m never listening to your vacation ideas again.”

#eremika #eremika art #levihan #my fics:snk #f1km #crossover #also lots of bro time with Levi lmao

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chroniclesofawkwardness · 6 years ago

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Fear the Bear

I’ve always been a bit confused, if not agitated, by words that look like they should rhyme but don’t. It’s not their fault that they don’t fit perfectly together, but I still consider a linguistic mismatch to be strike one against pairs of words like foot and boot, or fear and bear.

October 11th is National Take Your Teddy Bear to Work Day. I know because I almost called in sick three years in a row. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a distrust, if not a dislike, of teddy bears. This could be traced back to when I was four. Reagan was in the White House. Teddy Ruxpin was on the shelves. Like most kids who spent far too much time in front of a television of that era instead of developing social skills, I had to have a Teddy Ruxpin. At least that’s what the commercials between segments of Cartoon Express on USA Network and Nickelodeon wanted me to think.

I didn’t get a Teddy Ruxpin for Christmas or my birthday in 1985, or any year after. I was disappointed and upset. Maybe this was another of my parents’ ways of teaching me that you can’t always get what you want, a traumatic yet valuable lesson for a young boy. My nephew is four now, and I wish I could teach him the same lesson I learned from Mr. Ruxpin. Sadly, he’s too busy playing with his dinosaurs or freaking out when his sister shoots him with her Nerf gun. I guess some lessons, especially those involving bears, are best left to life experience. I can’t point to the exact moment when my disappointment over not seeing Teddy Ruxpin under the Christmas tree, or not ripping one open on the anniversary of my birth turned into disdain for inanimate bear kind. But I can say that over time, I became more aware of inanimate bears like Winnie the Pooh, Paddington, the Berenst(E)ain Bears, Smokey, and Snuggle Bear, the mascot for a popular brand of fabric softener to name just a few.

It was difficult for me to understand why Winnie the Pooh couldn’t just lay off the honey, or why Paddington couldn’t keep his hand out of the damn marmalade jar. Shouldn’t social graces apply to bears too? There’s a reason gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins. How hard is it to follow the rules?

The Berenst(E)ain Bears were my first encounter with the Mandela effect. I remember their surname being Berenstein, but not everyone does. I’ve done a bit of research, and found several examples, e.g. green pepper vs. mango, Oscar Meyer vs. Oscar (Your Body is a Wonderland) Mayer, Sex in the City vs. Sex and the City, etc… The effect takes its name from memories some people have of former South African president Nelson Mandela dying in prison, which didn’t happen. There’s no consensus on whether or not the effect exemplifies a collective memory failure or alternate realities. For my purposes, it’s just another example of bears fucking with me.

Smokey was useless. All he ever did was remind people that only they could prevent forest fires. He lived in a forest that was destroyed by in a fire and resolved never to let it happen again. I’m sure Smokey had the knowledge, resources, contacts to get off his ass and do something about forest fires, but he was content to remind everyone else that they alone had the capacity to do it. He did try to reach younger audiences by rapping in a 1993 Public Service Announcement, but he cut it short after admitting to the crew that his heart just wasn’t in it. I guess he was happy being barrel-chested and stoic. I’ve never seen Smokey with a shirt on, so he’s always been comfortable sharing himself with the world, but I’ve also never seen him don a mask and oxygen tank in an effort to save his fellow woodland creatures when the shit hit the forest fan.

The whole thing reminds of Sam Kinison’s joke about Feed the Children. He rips into the host and crew of their infomercials for not offering food to the children themselves. The host would look straight into the camera and say something like, “Won’t you please help?” In reply, Sam screamed something along the lines of, “Why don’t you just give them some of the sandwiches you packed for the day? Huh? AAAAAHHHHHHH!”

Snuggle Bear used to make me so angry. For years, I outright refused to buy his fabric softener sheets because I couldn’t accept that he was always so damn happy. He seemed inauthentic. All you’d ever see on camera was Snuggle jumping out of a pile of freshly laundered towels. He’d then practically bring himself to orgasm by rubbing them against his skin while ecstatically proclaiming how snuggly soft they were. Since the camera never zoomed in for one of those classic porno shots that leaves nothing to the imagination, we were left to wonder exactly what was going on under the pile.

We also never heard anything about Snuggle’s backstory, in contrast to a well-known duck who quacks poetic about the benefits of supplemental insurance. Through the years, we’ve seen the duck in the gym working his way back from injury, risking vertigo by riding a roller coaster and break dancing among the people. All the while, Snuggle just keeps jumping out of towels to greet us with his smiling face. We don’t know what adversity if any, he’s ever confronted. Did Snuggle once live in Smokey’s forest before it burned? Did he have to fight his way through the mean trees of Sherwood because some guy kept stealing his possessions and giving them to the poor? Was he ever addicted on screen and in real life, like Robert Downey Jr. in Less Than Zero? Has he ever had to deal with a devastating high ankle sprain caused by a mistimed jump out of the towel pile? We’ll never know. Without knowing, why would anyone emotionally invest in Snuggle Bear as opposed to the insurance duck?

The pillow was the worst of all. It was covered with teddy bears in pajamas. She held it close every night, more often than she did me, especially near the end. We’d lie on the pullout bed, Zs. on one side of the crevice, me on the other. Physically, she was only inches away, but those inches might as well have been thousands of emotional miles. This is not to suggest that I sought the validation of having her embrace me as lovingly as her pillow. Rather, that feeling nothing and having nothing shown to you in return is not a desirable state to be in. I am not blameless for not minding the emotional gap that grew wider and wider between us over time. The only blameless parties are the bears on her pillow, the bears I associate with her through no fault of her own.

I got a second chance at life by coming home in June of 2011, but by that time I’d lost track of my life’s purpose. Maybe that’s why I hated the bears so much. They truly didn’t give a fuck. They were going to do what they were going to do regardless of what I thought. Teddy Ruxpin would keep reading his stories until his batteries died. No matter how bad his lip-synch job was, or who was listening. Pooh and Paddington would stay after the honey and marmalade. Boo-Boo would always stick his hand in that picnic basket. The Berenst(E)ain Bears would teach generations of children the value of kindness, no matter how they would later remember the spelling of their name. Smokey would remind people to think before doing something stupid that could start a fire. Snuggle would keep on jumping out of piles of fresh towels, reminding us that laundry straight out of the dryer doesn’t have to smell like shit. Even the bears on the pillow would offer support during all-important times of sleep.

Legends of the Fall is one of my favorite movies (which also happens to be bookended by confrontations with bears). It illustrates how different the paths of men’s lives can be. Alfred (Aidan Quinn) lives a more traditional life than his brother Tristian (Brad Pitt) who is a free spirit. Tristian does what he wants, and lives free from the expectations of others. Alfred does everything by the book. While reflecting on their lives toward the end of the movie, Alfred tells Tristian something that could easily sum up my feelings toward these bears if I were Alfred, and the bears were Tristian.

I followed all of the rules, man’s and God’s. And you, you followed none of them. And they all loved you more. Samuel, Father, and my… even my own wife.

The bears were living their (sometimes cartoonish) purpose. They didn’t ask for permission; they just did. They knew in their hearts that whatever they were doing was what they wanted to do. I followed most of the rules, and what did it get me? I have a great life, but one that would be better if I awakened the bear inside me, the bear that dwells within every man. I shouldn’t have felt compelled to turn a teddy bear around when no one was watching so it couldn’t look at me (though I once did). I shouldn’t fear finding a giant teddy in my chair at work this coming October 11th. All I have to fear is the bear inside me staying dormant if I make choices that compromise my power as a man. Maybe Smokey was right. Only I can prevent forest fires.

May I cease to fiddle while my forest burns.

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years ago

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What the End of the Universe Will Really Be Like, According to a Theoretical Cosmologist

Apocalyptic visions have always percolated in humanity’s collective imagination, whether it’s the Rapture, Ragnarök, or a future asteroid impact like the one that killed the dinosaurs. In recent decades, however, scientists have managed to establish some rough parameters around the ultimate Doomsday: the death of the universe itself.

Katie Mack, a theoretical cosmologist at North Carolina State University, explores these terminal diagnoses for the cosmos in her new book The End of Everything (Astrophysically Speaking), which packs a huge amount of scientific research into forecasting the eventual fate of our universe.

“It doesn’t end well,” she warned in a call.

Before you scribble “end of universe” onto the list of things keeping you up at night, take comfort in the fact that the really bad stuff will happen in the far-future of the cosmos, at least tens of billions of years from now. You will be long dead, as will Earth and the Sun. The senescent universe will be a time and place totally alien from our own surroundings, far more fantastical than any the feverish apocalyptic visions of myth or fiction.

“I get asked a lot: How do you deal with thinking about these big topics, like ultimate destruction? How does it affect your outlook?” Mack said. “I think all you can do is go to the absurd in the sense that there’s no way to conceptualize this stuff with daily experience.”

“It’s like the universe is laughing at this idea that we can have an orderly and safe environment in which to live,” she added. “It very much upends our notion of stability in our world. I don’t know how to respond to that other than just laughing at it, because it’s not personal.”

We asked Mack to unpack a few of the juiciest apocalyptic scenarios in The End of Everything (Astrophysically Speaking), which is out from Scribner on Tuesday.

Heat Death: When time ceases to matter

The universe will most likely perish in a state of total disorder known as Heat Death, when the direction of time as we experience it ceases to matter and just about anything may be possible, according to cosmologists.

In this scenario, space just keeps expanding until galaxies fall apart, all the stars burn out, and even atoms decay and disintegrate. At this point, the universe will have reached a point of maximum entropy, or disorder, rendering the “arrow of time”—the difference between the past and the future—meaningless.

“Time still happens, but you have lost the directionality in some sense,” Mack explained. “It’s based on the fact that the way we define past and future, from a strictly physics perspective, is that the only thing we know about that really cares about the difference between past and the future is the second law of thermodynamics, which is entropy.”

“If you can get to a point where entropy is maximized, where you can’t create more entropy, then it’s hard to say that time is really meaningful in a global sense anymore,” she said.

Needless to say, some trippy stuff could end up happening in a universe that has maxed out on entropy and faded into a vast and eternal bath of thermodynamic equilibrium. For instance, Mack describes the Boltzmann Brain problem, which involves “disembodied sentient brains popping in and out of existence,” according to the book. This, and anything else—a whale materializing next to a bowl of petunias, or a piano assembling itself from nothing—becomes increasingly likely in such a scenario.

Such wild imaginings stem from the sheer slowness of the Heat Death, a decay that could take a googol (10 to the power of 100) years to really get rolling. Those huge timescales boost the odds of totally bizarre random events occasionally happening in a fizzled-out cosmos—including, potentially, the birth of a new universe.

“The nice thing about the Heat Death is that you have a lot of time,” Mack said. “If you want to make sure that you get a lot done in your universe before it goes out on you, then maybe the Heat Death is the best option.”

The Big Rip: When gravity breaks and the Earth explodes

The Heat Death is the probable outcome of the accelerated expansion of the universe, but cosmic expansion may also lead to a less likely, yet far more violent, end of everything: the Big Rip.

In this scenario, objects in the universe don’t drift apart and decay into maximum entropy. Instead, a point is reached at which the expansion of the universe ultimately tears apart the fabric of spacetime itself, like a cloth sheet that splits when stretched, causing the force of gravity to lose its trademark grip.

In a chilling section of the book, Mack describes exactly what this fate would look like to us on Earth if it was approaching in the near-future. “Our night sky begins to darken,” she writes, “as the great Milky Way swath across the sky fades. The galaxy is evaporating.”

“We begin to find that the orbits of the planets are not what they should be, but are instead slowly spiraling outward,” she continues. “Just months before the end, after we’ve lost the outer planets to the great and growing blackness, the Earth drifts away from the Sun, and the Moon from the Earth. We too enter the darkness, alone.”

It sounds lonely, I know, but take heart: we would only have to bear this isolation for a few hours before the Earth blows up.

The explosion of Earth due to shredded spacetime certainly makes for a cinematically exciting scene. But if we are fated for a Big Rip, it is not likely to happen for about 200 billion years. That’s a lot sooner than the standard Heat Death scenario, but it is well beyond the lifespan of our solar system, Earth, and (probably) humanity.

That said, there may well be alien civilizations in the future, or perhaps descendants of our own species, that could have to face this horrifying reality. “I think it’s entirely possible that there could be life still around on those timescales,” Mack said.

If there are still sentient beings at that point, and the Big Rip does come to pass, all we can do right now is offer our sincere condolences to them from the distant past.

Vacuum Decay: A sudden end

Heat Death would kill the universe slowly and softly, while the Big Rip is a much swifter assassin. But if you’re looking for the fastest end to existence, Vacuum Decay is the cosmic Doomsday for you.

“I have a special place in my heart for Vacuum Decay,” Mack said. “Partly, because it’s just so out of left field and such a bizarre possibility that has only really been very seriously talked about in the last few years.”

“But also because it’s quick and painless and you don’t notice it,” she added. “So that’s nice.”

This outcome is a bit of a dark horse, though its profile has been raised thanks to the recent discovery of the Higgs boson particle by the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland. One of the implications of this breakthrough is that our reality may not be all that fundamentally stable in ways that could have rather abrupt consequences for life, the universe, and everything.

The universe could be a “true vacuum,” which means that objects in it are always able to find their lowest energy state, creating some level of cosmic stability. However, the Higgs field appears to be “metastable,” which raises the possibility that the universe may be a false vacuum.

Theoretically, this means that if the Higgs particle were to sense a true vacuum, it would be attracted to that environment. This is very bad for us, because it would trigger the spontaneous destruction of the universe in what Mack calls “a bubble of quantum death.”

Unlike the creeping dread of the Heat Death or the Big Rip, the Vacuum Decay apocalypse would kill us all in a snap. The death bubble would simply expand its borders at the speed of light, incinerating everything in its path with ruthless efficiency.

“In terms of the aesthetics of it, or the practical implications of what actually happens to you, maybe vacuum decay is a nicer option,” compared to the Heat Death or the Big Rip, Mack said.

In principle, Vacuum Decay could happen at any time, but cosmologists think it is far more likely to happen tens of billions of years into the future, similar to the other end-times scenarios. We will need to keep pushing the boundaries of particle physics and cosmology in order to develop the idea, but it’s not considered a probable end to the universe at this time.

“It’s just a super fun thing to work on because the implications are so big,” Mack said. “We can learn a lot about our cosmos by assuming that it could happen.”

*****

The universe will likely continue to exist for several hundred billion years to come. But thinking about its ultimate end seems particularly resonant in 2020, a year that has taken on its own identity of apocalyptic mayhem.

It’s understandable to be exhausted by the horrors of the Covid-19 pandemic and the economic devastation it has wrought, or by the rapid onset of climate change with its myriad disasters, or by the threat of authoritarian leaders and brutal state violence.

Reading about the ultimate death of the universe may not assuage those fears, but it will immerse you in the astonishing weirdness of our wider surroundings, and remind you of the ingenuity of scientists who have spent centuries trying to read the cosmic tea leaves.

“There is a kind of luxury about being able to think about things that are disconnected from you and not just everyday survival,” Mack said. “It’s real and it’s destructive and everything is torn apart, but maybe that’s a way to displace some of the feelings of angst and desperation that you might have in daily life.”

What the End of the Universe Will Really Be Like, According to a Theoretical Cosmologist syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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floraexplorer · 6 years ago

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Everything I Learnt Backpacking Bolivia in Three Months – A Traveller’s Guide

I spent an unforgettable three months backpacking Bolivia.

Bolivia is one of the cheapest countries in South America for backpackers – particularly compared to its neighbours in Chile and Argentina. Many visitors travel Bolivia for the Salt Flat deserts, the witches markets in the breathlessly high city of La Paz, and the mysterious Lake Titicaca – the world’s highest navigable lake.

But there’s so much more to see in Bolivia.

I chose to spend three months backpacking Bolivia, and my Bolivia itinerary was scattered and circuitous. I volunteered in La Paz, fell in love in Sucre, drank local wine in Tarija and stepped inside dinosaur footprints in Parque Torotoro. I danced under the full moon beside Illimani mountain and lived in a tiny village without running water. I hugged llamas beside the highest lake in the world and slept within walls made of salt.

When I think back to the three months I spent backpacking Bolivia, it’s just as easy to remember tiny moments and details. Crisp blue skies. Brightly patterned textiles. Sunburnt cheeks. I remember chewing coca leaves to alleviate the light-headed sensation I felt in high altitude. I remember queuing for breakfast at Sucre’s Mercado Central each morning, squashing onto a plastic stool to eat papa rellena with a chipped spoon.

Whether I was travelling in cities, villages, canyons, deserts or worryingly rickety buses, I found Bolivia to be one of the most fascinating, frustrating, hilarious, eye-opening countries I’ve ever travelled through.

To put it simply, Bolivia is an incredible place.

Things to know about backpacking Bolivia

What’s the weather in Bolivia like?

Because much of Bolivia is at a high elevation, it’s hot in the fierce daytime sun and cold at night. That means plenty of suncream and plenty of layers! It’s also advised to carry a waterproof because the weather can turn pretty quickly.

What’s the best time of year to visit Bolivia?

Most recommend the dry winter season of May-October for travelling in Bolivia, as opposed to the rainy summer season of September-March.

I didn’t know this beforehand, so I was travelling in Bolivia between September and December; the tail end of the cooler months, transitioning into spring. That said, the altitude affects everything: September in La Paz (altitude of 3,640m) was warm in the bright sun but chilly in the shade. My next month in Sucre felt like constant springtime, despite being October, and the tail end of the year ranged from freezing (Potosi, at 4,067m) to balmy (Tarija at 1,866m).

Some destinations, like the Salar de Uyuni, can change drastically depending on the time of year. If you visit in March/April you’re most likely to catch the ‘mirror effect’, when high rainfall allows the Salt Flats to reflect the sky. However, that same rain also makes it harder to visit Fish Island. Most people visit the Salar de Uyuni between May and October – lots of sun, and not much rain.

What food can I eat in Bolivia?

For a country highly focused on grains and potatoes, I still really enjoyed the food in Bolivia – although if you’re vegetarian then it might require some research. That’s because, as in most of South America, meat is a staple part of most plates of Bolivian food, and asking for a meal without meat will often confuse people.

Here are some of my favourite typical Bolivian foods:

Salteñas – little hard pastry shells filled with meat, vegetables and gravy, which you can buy at the side of the road. The gravy inside has a tendency to spill everywhere, so the trick is to bite off the top then drink the gravy before eating the rest.

Papas rellenas – a ball of fried mashed potato with egg, meat or vegetables in the centre, topped with spicy onion and tomato sauce. Because it needs to be eaten from a bowl, papas rellenas is usually bought and eaten at a market, where you’ll squash onto a plastic stool amongst the other customers and hand back your bowl when you’ve finished.

Tucumanas – these deep-fried pastries are the larger version of a salteña. Make sure to ladle on the various sauces available at a street food stand – or enjoy them with a delicious side salad at Condor Cafe in Sucre!

Buñelos – this fried cheese snack is oily as anything but seriously delicious.

Pique macho – if you’re feeling the after-effects of the night before, you should opt for this hangover-worthy plateful of French-fry style chips and bitesize slices of steak, along with onions, hard-boiled eggs, mustard, mayo and ketchup.

You should also get used to eating an almuerzo each day: a set meal of two courses eaten at lunchtime, which usually includes a bowl of soup and a segundo of meat, vegetables and rice, along with a postre (dessert) and a glass of juice. The almuerzo is usually the cheapest thing on the menu as the working Bolivan day revolves around it: restaurants are packed between 12-3pm and it’s the best place to mix with plenty of local Bolivians.

Finally, markets are a way of life in Bolivia. If you spend more than a few days in any location I’d suggest frequenting your closest food market to do your food shopping and barter for some fresh produce. It’s a great way to practice your Spanish too!

Read more: eating traditional Bolivian food in Sucre

What’s the political climate in Bolivia like?

Generally speaking, most Bolivians are hospitable and friendly (although many aren’t the smile-on-first-meeting type). However, Bolivia itself is a very politicised country so protests, marches and blockades are pretty common. They’re usually peaceful – I spent a morning in La Paz chatting to nurses and medical staff who were out on the streets to protest for higher pay – but sometimes it can become more violent, involving tear gas from police and objects thrown by protestors.

Is Bolivia safe for backpackers travelling alone?

Bolivia is quite a poor country but isn’t particularly unsafe. You just have to keep your wits about you, trust your gut instincts, and take care of your valuables.

– Ask questions before paying for things. As tourism increases in Bolivia, there are more untrustworthy tour companies and guides – so ask plenty of questions before handing your money over.

– Watch out for scams. There are also a number of common scams in Bolivia including the ‘false police’ scam, which involves a policeman asking for your ID and then demanding payment of a fine. If you’re ever stopped by the police in Bolivia, demand to see a warrant and contact your Embassy.

– Don’t take drugs. As one of the world’s largest cocaine producing countries, Bolivia’s drug problem is ever-present. Travellers are often attracted to a legendary underground cocaine bar in La Paz called Route 36 (found by asking a taxi driver to drive you to its ever-changing location); however, backpackers in South America should be aware that being caught with cocaine in Bolivia could carry a sentence of up to ten years in San Pedro prison. This La Paz destination was made famous thanks to a memoir called Marching Powder which was written by a British inmate in 2011, and the book has prompted hundreds of tourists to queue up outside the prison and attempt to tour it.

Conversely, the laws surrounding hallucinogenic substances like ayahuasca and the San Pedro cactus are more blurred. Both substances can be seen for sale at the Witches Market in La Paz – but from personal experience, I’d recommend against buying them yourself, and only partaking in ceremonies with trusted shamans.

Read more: my all-night dancing experience with the San Pedro cactus

Do I need travel insurance for Bolivia?

Yes, absolutely! You should have comprehensive travel insurance when backpacking South America – or anywhere, for that matter. I usually use World Nomads as it’s designed for adventurous travellers.

Can I drink the water in Bolivia?

It’s definitely not a good idea to drink the tap water in Bolivia – stick to bottled, unless you’ve brought a filtration system you trust.

Do I need to speak Spanish in Bolivia?

Although it’s certainly possible to travel through Bolivia without any Spanish, there are significantly less English-speaking locals here than in other South American countries.

Luckily, Bolivia is also one of the best South American countries to learn Spanish, thanks to their clear and neutral accent, and it’s also one of the cheapest. Plenty of language schools offer individual or group classes: I spent a month taking daily one-on-one classes at Pico Verde in La Paz and improved from beginner to semi-fluent.

If you don’t have time for lessons, I’d still highly recommend using a phone app like DuoLinguo to practice on while you’re travelling in Bolivia, and at the very least try to have the basic greetings, numbers and simple conversational phrases written down somewhere.

I spent 18 months learning Spanish in South America –– read my ‘Spanish Challenge’ series here!

Travelling around Bolivia

What kind of transport can I take in Bolivia?

Travelling around Bolivia is almost exclusively via public bus. This can be both a blessing and a curse: the journeys are long but extremely cheap; the roads are stunningly scenic but full of potholes; the passengers and accompanying stories can be really fascinating, but often you’re worried that the drivers are drunk.

Apart from buses, there’s the option of private taxi hire, renting and driving your own car, or even taking the few train routes through the country. It’s also possible to fly between major cities to avoid the lengthly road distances – the bigger cities like La Paz, Sucre, Cochabamba and Santa Cruz are all connected by daily flights.

However, all of my Bolivian travels were by bus.

Bus routes and ticket prices in Bolivia:

La Paz to Sucre: 100 Bs for 10-12 hours, semi cama seat. This is usually an overnight journey, leaving 7pm and arriving 7am.

Sucre to Potosi: 15 Bs for 3 hours, normal seat, departing every hour.

Sucre to Tarija: 12 hours, costs 80 Bs, departs at 8pm and arrives 7am.

Potosi to Tarija: 80 Bs for 10 hours, semi cama seat, departing in the morning and evening.

Tarija to Tupiza: 80 Bs for 7 hours, semi cama seat. This overnight route is an infamously rough ride, so pack some anti-sickness pills.

Tupiza to Villazon (Argentinian border): 20 Bs for 2 hours, normal seat.

Uyuni to Potosi: 30 Bs for 5 hours, normal seat.

Potosi to Cochabamba: 60 Bs for 7 hours, semi cama seat.

Cochabamba to Torotoro National Park: 25 Bs for 5 hours, normal seat. This winding route has two daily departures at 6am and midday.

Cochabamba to Sucre: this 12 hour journey is on an unpaved road so you won’t sleep much.

Cochabamba to La Paz: 70 Bs for 9 hours, semi cama seat. There are six departures daily.

La Paz to Lake Titicaca: 40 Bs for a 3-4 hour journey on a normal seat.

La Paz to Uyuni: 12-15 hours, only overnight departures.

Read more: A guide to dealing with bus travel in Bolivia

Tips for bus travel in Bolivia:

– Buy your bus tickets at bus stations. Trying to decipher the online booking systems is nearly impossible and besides, you might get turned away with a blank stare unless you do it in person. Also this is the prime time to haggle and question the various company operators.

– Bring layers. There are always people selling garishly patterned blankets at bus stations, and for good reason: often the air con will be cranked up to freezing temperatures, so it’s worth having plenty of clothes to keep you warm. I often took my sleeping bag on board and used that.

– Aim for daytime journeys. On a long travel day, it’s worth having the scenery to stare out at (unless, like me, you have a strong fear of heights when driving the winding mountain roads!). There’s also enough cautionary tales about drunk and overtired drivers to warrant a daytime journey – not to mention stories of nighttime muggings and bus hijackings.

– Prepare for protests and road blockades. On our way into Cochabamba, our bus stopped 25km away from the city because the highway was filled with multiple blockades and protestors. We had no choice but to shoulder our bags and start walking – and all the other Bolivian passengers didn’t seem phased by this turn of events at all. As a result, I’d recommend bringing luggage you can carry relatively easily to Bolivia!

Where should I stay in Bolivia?

Bolivia has probably the cheapest accommodation in all of South America. There are plenty of cheap hostels in Bolivia to suit all kinds of backpackers, including various branches of the Wild Rover and Loki hostels (infamous party hostels in South America) and just as many budget hotels in the touristy areas.

It’s also possible to rent out apartments in Bolivia on Airbnb – sign up here and get £25 off your first booking!

Check Prices of Bolivia Hostels Here!

Hostels in Bolivia

Location Hostel Why stay here? La Paz Loki La Paz A definite party hostel, Loki still boasts good security and friendly staff. Their rooftop Skybar is pretty special too Sucre The Celtic Cross This chilled out Irish-run hostel is also a language school and has weekly BBQs for all guests Potosi Eucalyptus Hostel Great views of the city from the roof, a cosy reading area and warm showers (much appreciated in this chilly city!) Tarija Kultur Berlin Tarija Guesthouse This quiet, family-run place is close to the main plaza with a delicious breakfast Tupiza La Torre Hostel A combination hostel/hotel with fantastic tours on offer – for both the Salt Flats and southwest Bolivia in general Cochabamba Cabana Las Lilas This lovely place has a huge garden and a relaxed vibe – and Alex is the most helpful hostel owner you’ll ever meet! Torotoro Hostal Wilma A simple, clean hostel with a campsite attached. They also make boxed lunches! Lake Titicaca La Cupula Gorgeous views of Lake Titicaca from the individually designed rooms. There’s an amazing restaurant on site, a lovely sloped garden and hot tub too

How do I get in and out of Bolivia?

Because Bolivia is a landlocked country, you can either fly into one of the three international airports (located in La Paz, Cochabamba, and Santa Cruz) or you can cross overland at one of Bolivia’s borders – of which there are many.

– Flights: I flew into El Alto airport in La Paz, where I was given a 90 day visa on arrival. This was the most expensive flight I paid for in South America, but after hearing various stories I learned it was also the most foolproof way to get my visa.

– Border crossings: Bolivia shares borders with Brazil to the north and east, Paraguay to the southeast, Argentina to the south, and Chile to the southwest and Peru to the northwest. I attempted to cross into Argentina at Villazon to renew my Bolivian visa but it didn’t quite work (read more about exactly why here). Luckily, my eventual departure from Bolivia was more successful – I crossed into Peru via Lake Titicaca (although I almost lost my passport to the lake waters because an overly cocky Peruvian border guard thought it’d be funny to dangle it…)

In total, there are thirteen places to cross in and out of Bolivia. These are the most popular border crossings:

To/from Brazil and Paraguay: Santa Cruz is the best city to catch buses to these borders – either to Corumba in Brazil, or to Asuncion in Paraguay along the Trans-Chaco Highway.

To/from Argentina: catch a local bus from Tupiza in Bolivia towards the border crossing at Villazon – it takes about an hour. Once you’ve queued and entered Argentina, catch a bus from La Quiacha towards Salta, which takes approx 8 hours (though the route also passes through Humahuaca and San Salvador de JuyJuy).

To/from Chile: lots of the Salt Flats tours will end by dropping you at the Chilean border, as well as arranging your onward bus journey towards San Pedro de Atacama – much easier than heading back to Uyuni first. Once you cross the border, it takes just over an hour to reach Calama and a further two hours to San Pedro de Atacama.

To/from Peru: a bus runs from La Paz to Puno in Peru (4.5 hours), which also stops at Copacabana, Lake Titicaca, on the way. This border crossing actually takes place in a little hut beside the lake – probably one of the most picturesque crossings I’ve ever had!

What visa do I need for Bolivia?

As a UK citizen with a British passport, I was given a 90 day Bolivian visa on arrival at the airport (their usual offering is 30 days but I specified at the time that I wanted the maximum 90 days). However, it’s not as simple for other nationalities. There are 3 groups of countries:

Group 1 – countries whose citizens do not require a visa (i.e. Australia, Britain, Canada, most of Europe)

Group 2 – countries whose citizens must obtain a visa prior to entry for free/upon arrival for a fee (i.e. USA, Iran, China and Taiwan)

Group 3 – countries whose citizens must obtain a visa in advance with special authorisation (i.e. Israel, Pakistan and Indonesia)

However, it’s probably easiest to check Wikipedia for your country’s visa policy for Bolivia, and your country’s embassy pages too.

Where to go in Bolivia?

Explore La Paz, the world’s highest city

There’s something magic about the air in La Paz. Perhaps it’s the altitude (3,640m, which makes it the highest administrative capital in the world); or perhaps it’s the way the pink sunset melts into the mountains each evening.

It’s a city of drama and intrigue, where street parades seem to be a daily occurrence, there’s a constant background noise of honking car horns and eager street vendors, and every new street corner offers up an untold story.

I spent two weeks living in La Paz, studying Spanish in the mornings and volunteering in the afternoons. At first I found the city somewhat obtrusive and the people to be standoffish, but the more I explored the quicker I learned to love it.

What to do in La Paz, Bolivia

Learn the history of coca leaves at the Coca Museum. The coca leaf is everywhere in Bolivia – and not because of cocaine production. Chewing on the leaves alleviates altitude sickness, reduces hunger pangs and keeps people alert, so you’ll often see Bolivian men with a bulge of leaves in their cheek. It’s also a sacred plant used in plenty of Bolivian ceremonies, and the Coca Museum documents the leaf’s role in Bolivian culture.

Rappel down the side of a five-star hotel at Urban Rush. This fifty metre descent takes you from the 17th floor right down to the pavement, either by rappelling or abseiling. It costs 150 Bolivianos ($22USD) and you even get to choose your own superhero outfit!

Ride the ‘Mi Teleferico’ cable car across the city. Like many experiences in La Paz, the ‘Mi Teleferico’ is the world’s highest cable car ride – but it’s also a pretty spectacular one. Stretching from La Paz to El Alto, the cable car has cut commuting time from an hour to just ten minutes, costs just 3 Bolivianos one-way (while a one-way bus ticket is 5 Bolivianos), and offers incredible views of the city and surrounding mountains.

Explore El Alto market. Every Thursday and Sunday, there’s a huge open-air market in the neighbouring city of El Alto. While tourists are discouraged from visiting alone due to pick-pockets, it’s a fascinating place – check out the yatiri fortune tellers in the blue huts beside the bus station!

Read more: Traditions and superstitions at Bolivia’s El Alto market

Watch a cholita wrestling match. There’s a bizarre entertainment on offer in El Alto: watching traditionally dressed cholita women wrestle each other in front of an audience. It’s got all the pantomime qualities of WWE but with bowler hats and frilly skirts – what’s not to love?

Visit the witches market on Calle de las Brujas. This tiny cluster of street stalls is where the superstitious side of Bolivia comes to the fore. You’ll see old women selling stone talismans, love spells and llama foetuses

Climb Huayna Potosi. It takes two to three days to summit the most popular mountain climb in Bolivia – but you’ll need to prepare for using crampons on an ice wall, breathing with oxygen tanks and spending at least one full day training. Once you reach the top at 6,088m, you’ll be rewarded with insane views and a spectacular sunrise. Tours cost between $150-300.

Cycle down ‘The Most Dangerous Road in the World’. The narrow track which winds through the steep Bolivian mountains is known by locals as Yunga Road – but tourists know it better as Death Road. It’s now closed to public traffic, so it’s just the daily mountain bike tours which skitter downhill past sheer hundred-feet drops and around hairpin turns. My fear of heights prevented me from cycling Death Road, but I’ve heard from many sources that Gravity is the most reputable company to go with.

Climb the Chacaltaya glacier. If you ever wanted evidence of global warming in Bolivia, just look to Chacaltaya. It used to be the world’s highest ski run, but so much ice has melted in the last few decades that the glacier has effectively disappeared (see that tiny derelict hut in the photo? It used to be the ski lodge). It’s still possible to summit Chacaltaya mountain: an organised day trip can drive you up to 5,200m, allowing you to climb the last 200m and reach the peak. The air is thin enough up here to notice the effects, but not bad enough to require oxygen.

Book Your La Paz Hostel Here

Read more: the impromptu street parades of La Paz, Bolivia

Settle into the slow life in Sucre

Sucre was the only place in Bolivia where I properly settled down. I was volunteering with Biblioworks each day and had rented an apartment, so I had the luxury of being able to cook in my own kitchen – which also meant buying fresh ingredients at Mercado Central and ‘befriending’ (in my eyes, at least) various ladies at their respective stalls.

It’s hard not to fall in love with Sucre: the city has a slow, ambling pace of life, the weather is gorgeous and it’s filled with plenty of travellers and expats who’ve found it somewhat impossible to leave.

What to do in Sucre, Bolivia

Soak up the lovely weather. Constant blue skies and spring-like temperatures all year round make Sucre the perfect place to chill out – and there’s plenty of cafes and coffee shops to do that in!

Explore Sucre’s General Cemetery. I’d heard stories about this cemetery, but was still totally surprised to discover it felt more like a tranquil park than anything else. Being here for Dia de los Muertes meant seeing how Bolivians celebrate the memory of their loved ones each year by decorating the graves and spending all day there. It’s a beautifully happy way to deal with death, and really eye-opening.

Read more: the most beautiful cemetery in Bolivia

Learn about Bolivia’s cultural background at Museo Nacional de Etnografia y Folklore. There are plenty of museums in Sucre, but this is one of my favourites: filled with costumes and masks from religious ceremonies and festivals.

See ancient dinosaur footprints at Sucre Dinosaur Park. El Parque Cretacico is 40 minutes outside Sucre and features a near-vertical limestone wall which is covered with over 5,000 ancient dinosaur tracks. Millions of years ago this used to be the ocean floor and it’s the largest collection of dinosaur prints in the world! There’s also a small garden with dino sculptures and a museum of dinosaur skeletons.

People-watch in Plaza 25 de Mayo. I spent a lot of time in this plaza because there was always something to see – from protesters, troupes of musicians and children dressed in indigenous clothing to the costumed zebras helping people cross the road!

Plaza 25 de Mayo, Sucre

Where to eat in Sucre

Condor Trekkers Cafe: a firm favourite amongst Sucre backpackers, Condors is part non-profit tour company and part cafe. The latter serves amazing food – the daily set lunch is always tasty, and the tucumana with side salad is particularly excellent.

Churrasqueria Bisonte: this no-frills steak place near the bus station is set in an internal courtyard with plastic tables, but it served the most fantastic steak I’ve ever eaten.

Abis Patio: the barbecue burgers are lovely, and chatting to the incredibly friendly restaurant owner is even better!

Mirador Cafe on Recoleta Plaza: a short walk uphill from the centre of the city is Recoleta Plaza, a lookout point where you can lie back in deckchairs and share a pitcher of fresh lemonade. It’s a great spot to while away the afternoon.

Mercado de Pescados: this local market in a car park serves freshwater fish on the grill at lunchtime. It’s a neighbourly affair – you squish onto a row of tables and eat fish, corn and potato with your hands – and it’s seriously delicious.

Look For Your Sucre Hostel Here

Read more: Eating all the Bolivian food during a month in Sucre

Drink the world’s highest wine in Tarija

Tarija is Bolivia’s wine country. Thanks to the altitude, they produce the highest wine in the world here, and though Tarija tourism isn’t particularly developed yet, the town still feels like a holiday destination – it boasts Mediterranean weather and a tranquil, laid-back attitude to life. Gone are the frenzied traffic jams and political protests of La Paz: Tarija is where locals smile at you when they pass and ladies with palm tree brushes sweep streets free of garbage.

What to do in Tarija, Bolivia

Visit the local vineyards. Bolivian wine producers like Campos de Solano and Casa Real have their wineries in Tarija, and you can either join an official wine tour or plan your own ad-hoc visit with public transport. We opted for the latter but it would’ve been much easier to be part of an organised group tour! Typical prices are between 100-170 Bolivianos.

Wander the parks in Tarija. This is a very laid back city, and once you’ve enjoyed a few bottles of wine it’s even more pleasant to chill out in Plaza de Armas Luis de Fuentes y Vargas, or wander along the Guadalquivir riverbanks.

Look at fossils in the Museo Paleontologico y Arqueologico. Just off Tarija’s main plaza, this little museum has a fantastic collection of dinosaur bones and collected fossils from across Bolivia. Although things seem dusty and cramped, it’s an interesting place to spend an hour or so.

Eat lunch at Casa Vieja. This beautiful restaurant is set in the vineyards of Valle de la Concepcion, a short taxi ride away from Tarija. Casa Veija is famed for their huge plates of roasted pork, fresh from a turning spit in the courtyard – a plateful costs 60 Bolivianos, and a jug of local wine doesn’t cost much more.

Find Your Tarija Hostel Here

Read more: Going wine tasting in Tarija

Learn Bolivia’s hidden histories in Potosi

Potosi is a city of faded grandeur, harking back to its original status as the capital of Bolivia. The city also lies at the foot of Cerro Rico mountain, which was first discovered to contain silver ore in 1545 and is still a working silver mine in the present day.

Sadly, that seemingly inexhaustible supply of silver has led to untold deaths of miners and slaves over the last five hundred years – an estimate six million lives have been lost here. It’s also rumoured that a devil spirit named ‘El Tio’ lives inside Cerro Rico, so to ensure that he doesn’t cause havoc he’s placated every day with offerings of cigarettes and alcohol left at the numerous ‘El Tio’ statues inside the mine.

What to do in Potosi, Bolivia

Take your time with the altitude. Potosi has an elevation of over 4,000 metres and is one of the highest cities in the world. It’s also built on a steep hill, so I often found myself getting breathless if I walked too quickly.

Prepare for the cold climate. The altitude means a drastic drop in temperatures up here – be sure to bring lots of warm layers and ask for extra blankets at your hostel!

Tour the working silver mine in Cerro Rico mountain. There are daily tours inside the Cerro Rico silver mine, where visitors are kitted out with overalls, a hard hat and a torch in preparation. Before heading inside, they also make a stop at a local market to buy dynamite and coca leaves to gift the miners with (or to make an offering to one of the many El Tio statues inside the mine).

NB: Although I considered doing this tour, I ultimately decided against it: part claustrophobia, part discomfort about being a tourist in a place where miners have a life expectancy of 35 years old. That said, the experience is an important part of the Bolivia backpacking trail as it highlights a terrible element of work conditions, tourism and societal influence in Bolivia. Just make sure you’re joining a Cerro Rico mine tour for the right reasons.

Visit Bolivia’s National Mint. The Casa Nacional de la Moneda was the first mint in South America, and converted Potosi’s mined silver into coins before shipping it all over the world. Now it’s a fascinating museum which documents the city’s history through exhibitions and original machinery. There are plenty of tours – we tacked ourselves onto an English-speaking tour which was worth the sneaky behaviour!

Go swimming in the hot springs at Ojo del Inca. Apparently it’s no longer safe to swim in, but this geothermal pool is nonetheless a beautifully natural spot to visit, and it’s only a half hour bus ride from Potosi.

Drink hot chocolate at La Plata. This lovely restaurant is right on the main plaza, and it’s the perfect place to sit in one of the window seats and spend an afternoon people-watching.

Walk around the colonial buildings. Potosi’s colonial past is still in plain sight. When the sun begins to set, there’s a beautiful orange light which touches dozens of old buildings: it’s the perfect time to wander past perfectly preserved examples of Spanish architecture.

Book Your Potosi Hostel Here

Explore cowboy country in Tupiza

Tupiza feels like Bolivia’s version of the American Wild West. Surrounded by craggy red hills and close to the border with Argentina, I half-expected to see cowboys trotting past on their horses, tipping their wide-brimmed hats to us.

This little town gets most of its backpacker traffic from those who choose to start their Salt Flats tour here instead of from Uyuni. By travelling on this route (going south to north instead of the more popular north-south route), you still visit all the same sites but can avoid the crowds of tourists as you reach them at different times of day. You’ll also save seeing the salt flats for the final day of your trip.

What to do in Tupiza, Bolivia

Explore the Bolivian desert. This dusty strip of southern Bolivia is where Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid apparently met their dramatic end, and it’s worth heading out into the badlands – otherwise known as the Cordillera de Chicas. There are plenty of options, but the most popular is via jeep tour, on horseback, or a good old-fashioned hike.

Walk up to Cerro de la Cruz. For a birds-eye view of Tupiza, spend a couple of hours on this hike which takes you just outside the city, up a hill via a rough staircase, and onto a plateau covered with graffiti and sporting a Jesus statue to rival its counterpart in Rio de Janeiro. If you make this climb just before sunset, you’ll see the afternoon rays hitting the red mountains. It’s something special.

Cross the Bolivian border into Argentina. I had to extend my Bolivia visa while we were in Tupiza, so I headed for the Argentinian border. Although the experience didn’t go according to plan, this is a potentially good place to cross into Argentina and continue your downward route through South America.

Read more: That time I went to Argentina for absolutely no reason

Book Your Tupiza Hostel Here

Drive through the Salar de Uyuni Salt Flats

The Uyuni Salt Flats sit at 3,600m above sea level and are one of Bolivia’s most famous attractions for good reason – they’re completely surreal.

The prehistoric lake bed of Salar de Uyuni covers a distance of 12,000 square km. When the original lake dried up under the fierce sun, it left behind puddles of water and a huge amount of shining salt deposits due to the water’s high salinity. Today, the Uyuni Salt Flats contain over half of the world’s lithium reserves (currently being extracted) and it’s the largest salt flat in the world.

But the Salt Flats are actually part of the sprawling Eduardo Avaroa National Reserve, which means there’s so much more to see: islands studded with cactus, bizarre rock formations, fluorescent coloured lakes, and the famed groups of pink flamingos.

What to see in the Salt Flats, Bolivia

Choosing the length of your Uyuni Salt Flats tour can be a tricky decision – particularly when it involves being stuck in a cramped jeep for potentially four days straight. Many people visit the Salt Flats in one day, but I’m so glad I chose a four day trip because I was actually more impressed by the stunning scenery than the Salt Flats themselves!

Laguna Verde. The green colour of the lake is caused by arsenic and other minerals in the water, and the shade varies depending on how the lake’s sediment is disturbed by the wind.

Laguna Colorada. Its a shallow salt lake coloured red by the algae in its waters. Laguna Colorada is also home to lots of flamingos who stand in the water and munch on the abundance of plankton.

Pink flamingos. They love feasting on the algae growing in the lakewater – and they make for pretty fantastic photos! The Salar de Uyuni is actually a major breeding ground for four different species of flamingo, some of which never leave the lakes they live in.

Llamas and vicuñas. Although it sometimes feels like this is a barren landscape, there are plenty of herds of llama and vicuña rambling about the National Reserve. Not so much on the Salt Flats though, which are virtually devoid of any vegetation or wildlife.

Hot springs. They’re a little underwhelming, but it’s nonetheless quite possible to stop for a dip in the thermal waters and warm up – most tour guides will suggest it.

Arbol de Piedra. This is a famous sandstone formation which has been eroded by relentless winds into the shape of a tree. Very Dali-esque.

Isla del Pescado. This rocky outcrop covered in cactus, officially known as Incahuasi, is your final stop before the actual salt flats – most jeeps will pull up here to serve breakfast or lunch. You can hike to the top of this cactus island in about 20 mins, but be prepared to pay an entry fee of 30 Bolivianos.

The Uyuni Salt Flats. To capture the best perspective-skewed shots, set your camera focus to infinity and get snapping! It’s worth taking some props for your photos (we used a water bottle, a Lonely Planet guidebook, a half-eaten cookie and a Dora the Explorer doll I found in a market in Potosi) – there are some excellent shots to be had using toy dinosaurs, cooking pots and even each other! Hopefully you’ve become friendly enough with your driver that he’ll want to help you take photos. Unfortunately ours was pretty grumpy and just slept in the drivers seat for two hours while we pranced about.

How to prepare for the Salt Flats

– Take snacks and alcohol. Meals are included on the trip, cooked each day by the porters, but when you’re spending all day in a car it’s worth having some sweets and crisps to snack on. If you fancy a beer in the evenings you’ll have to bring them with you as most

– Combat the hot, dry weather. Drink lots of water, use sunscreen and lip balm as the combination of wind, strong sun and all that salt everywhere can really dehydrate your body and your skin.

– Pack lots of layers. It may be seriously sunny during the day but the temperatures drop significantly at night. For the first days of the tour, you’re sleeping in simple accommodation without heating: plenty of blankets are provided but you should still bring enough warm clothing to feel snug. There’s also strong winds at some points on the trip so it’s good to have a jacket easily accessible while you’re in the jeep.

On the final night, you’ll stay in a salt hotel which, yes, is entirely made of salt – even down to the walls, tables and beds!

Read more about my journey through Salar de Uyuni here

Chill out in Cochabamba

I still can’t think of the word ‘Cochabamba’ without hearing the cries of ticket sellers in every bus station in Bolivia. “Cocha-cocha-cocha-cocha-bamba! CochaBAMBAAAA!” It’s an ear-worm of the most wonderful variety.

Our arrival into Cochabamba was pretty unique: when our overnight bus was still more than twenty kilometres away from the city, it stopped on the highway thanks to hundreds of protestors flooding the streets. We started to hike along the highway until I luckily managed to phone the manager of our hostel in Cochabamba – who drove as far through the city as he could in his car and then used a succession of motorcycle taxis to reach us and transport us back to his hostel! It was literally the best hostel service I’ve ever had.

Image via Jan Beck

What to do in Cochabamba, Bolivia

Tour the Convento de Santa Teresa. Check out the views from the roof of this beautiful old convent building.

Visit Palacio Portales. This over-the-top yellow house was built in 1927 by tin baron Simon Patino. It’s a great example of what Bolivia used to be like in its golden age.

Ride the teleferico to El Cristo de la Concordia. Apparently this Christ the Redeemer statue is even bigger than the one in Rio (by 44cm, at least) – but the view of Cochabamba from here is pretty great.

Climb Cerro Tunari mountain. A day trip into the Cordillera Tunari allows you to climb up to 5000m above sea level. Be sure to go with a guide as parts of the climb are pretty technical.

Stay at Cabana Las Lilas hostel. Even if Alex, the incredible manager at Las Lilas, hadn’t saved us from the protests, I’d still be singing this hostel’s praises. There��s a big common area with a fireplace, pool table and book exchange corner, and a huge garden and swimming pool out back. Many of the guests here had extended their stay and we found it hard not to do the same.

Take a weekend trip to Parque Torotoro. Use Cochabamba as a base to visit the nearby dinosaur park – the bus ride takes six hours from the corner of Avenidas Republica and Barrietos to Torotoro Village (and it’s a bus decorated with dinosaurs!).

Book a Bed at Cabana Las Lilas Hostel Here!

Image via Eduardo Ruas

Follow the dinosaurs in Torotoro National Park

Torotoro Park is like the land that time forgot. Torotoro is most famed for the prehistoric dinosaur tracks which have been preserved in the rock for hundreds of millions of years – but the geology of this part of Bolivia is equally fascinating.

There are canyons, caves, waterfalls and mountains, all perfect for hikers, climbers and general all-round adventurers. I was somewhat forced into going caving, and although I didn’t exactly relish the prospect of crawling for ages with a vast expanse of rock above my head, once I’d done it I was pretty proud of myself!

Canyon de Torotoro, Bolivia

What to do in Toro Toro National Park, Bolivia

Pay the entrance fee. To enter Parque Toro Toro, all visitors have to register at the Toro Toro Tourism office in the town’s main square and buy an entrance ticket (nationals: Bs. 20, foreigners: Bs. 30).

Catch a jeep into Torotoro Park. Hiring a guide is mandatory: we hired one along with six other backpackers we’d collected from outside the tourist office. He drove us all around the park in his jeep, which was a bumpily enjoyable way to experience Torotoro!

Follow the dinosaur tracks. The closest tracks are near the village on the other side of the river, behind a locked fence. There are plenty of other tracks around the park, and your guide can explain what dinosaur species made each set.

Ciudad de Itas. A set of bizarrely shaped caverns with equally odd acoustics, where you can also go scrambling up boulders.

Cañon de Toro Toro. This huge gash in the rocks plummets more than 250 metres, and is equally stunning seen from the top and from deep down inside.

Umajalanta Cave. In Quechua, it translates as ‘water lost in the darkness of the deepest earth’ – and it’s a pretty apt name, because Caverna de Uma Jalanta is one of the longest (4600m) and deepest (164m) caves in Bolivia. It goes about 118m under sea level, and tourist groups usually spend two hours journeying through the cave’s rock faces, narrow tunnels, stalagmites, stalactites, blind fish, and underground waterfalls. For the more claustrophobic visitors (like me), there’s an approximately eight-metre-long section of narrow, squeezable space.

NB: There’s no cash machines in Torotoro Village, so make sure you have enough cash for food, accommodation and activities before you arrive.

Find Your Torotoro Hostel Here

Read more: Facing my Fear of Heights & Small Spaces at Torotoro National Park

Relax in Copacabana, Lake Titicaca

At 3,812m above sea level, it’s hard to exert that much energy in Copacabana – which is perfectly acceptable in this chilled town by the water.

Lake Titicaca itself is sacred: the Incas believed it was the birthplace of the Sun, and duly built a number of temples to celebrate their gods.

Most people come here and head straight towards Isla del Sol, but Copacabana is worth exploring too. Take a day or two and relax!

What to do at Lake Titicaca, Bolivia

Hike up to the top of Cerro Calvario. This is a sacred pilgrimage for many Bolivians, which explains the candles and markers which line the edge of this lookout point. There are also a number of crosses, part of the Stations of the Cross: to follow the route properly, start in town at the Cathedral of the Virgin of Copacabana, and climb the long flight of steps up the hill until you see Copacabana laid out in front of you.

Go on lots of walks. The area has plenty of other places to wander. We initially struck out for the little village of Yampupata but didn’t make it because of the combined heat, sun, and lack of water.

Don’t forget the suncream. Lake Titicaca has very little shady spots so keep drinking water and slathering on the sunscreen!

Hire a bike. Riding along the water front is a lovely way to spend a few hours.

Chill at the water’s edge. Plenty of restaurants and cafes dotted along the front. Sit out here with beers and watch the sun go down. It’s got a weirdly beach-esque vibe despite being a lake!

Eat fondue at La Cupula’s restaurant. This hostel/hotel has an on-site restaurant which serves the most delicious food – including a cheese fondue with actual Gruyere cheese (not exactly easy to find in South America!) and a chocolate fondue for dessert.

Stay at La Cupula Hostel. If you’re looking for somewhere to treat yourself, La Cupula is the perfect place. The hostel’s individual cabins are all designed differently, and situated at the end of a winding pathway on a rising slope of manicured garden above the lake – ours was fully circular with a wood burner and skylight to see the stars through.

Book Your Copacabana Hostel Here

Read more: The cheese and chocolate co-operatives of Salinas de Guaranda, Ecuador

Hike across the mythical Isla del Sol

This peaceful island, just a short boat ride from the shores of Lake Titicaca, is around 70 square kilometres and is covered with more than eighty archeological ruins built by the Incas in the 15th century.

There are three different central communities living on Isla del Sol (about 800 indigenous families in total), who all have differing opinions about how island tourism operates. Since 2017, the north of the island has been closed to visitors, so make sure you check accessibility before heading out.

You can easily catch a boat from Copacabana to Isla del Sol – boats run twice a day at 8:30 a.m. and 1:30 p.m, returning at 3:30 p.m. and 5:00 p.m. Getting to Yumani takes about 1.5 hours, and the ticket costs 25 Bolivianos one-way or 40 Bolivianos for a return.

NB: Verify the boat times when you buy your ticket as schedules do change!

What to do on Isla del Sol, Bolivia

Climb the Inca stairs.

Enjoy being in a car-free zone. There are no vehicles on Isla del Sol, so all exploring has to be done on foot via the network of trails which criss-cross the island. Although the island slopes significantly in places, lots of the trails are relatively flat. Bear in mind that the altitude can make it tough going for some people.

Hike across the island. Start walking from Yumani, the biggest and most developed settlement, and head towards Cha’lla on the central east coast. Cha’llapampa, on the northern side of the island, is where the gold museum and most of the ruins are located. Crossing the entirety of Isla del Sol takes approximately three hours, so you can walk the entire island in a day.

Eat a lunch of fresh trout from the lake. Ever since the fish was introduced into the lake in the 1930s, fried trout has become a very popular local speciality dish, and all the local restaurants serve it.

Stay the night in simple accommodation. Although it’s possible to see Isla del Sol on a day trip, it’ll mean rushing around the island to catch the last boat which isn’t too relaxing. Most of the restaurants and hotels are in Yumani, and it’s probably best to book a bed before your arrival. I stayed at Hostal del Sol and it was basic but more than enough for a night’s stay.

Watch the most incredible Bolivian sunset. Isla del Sol is famous for its spectacular sunrises and sunsets, the latter of which lights up the peaks of the Cordillera Real mountain . What more could you want?

Book Your Isla del Sol Hostel Here

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melledotca · 6 years ago

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Podcasts

I ported Parts 1-5 over from my old WordPress blog, and have updated those since. From then on has been added anew as I’ve started listening to new stuff. First post was back in 2010, so some of these I stopped listening to (or they ended) years ago. YMMV.

Part 1

A History of the World in 100 Objects

Andrew turned me on to this one, which comes to us from the BBC. If you've ever watched a show like Britain's Secret Treasures, this is quite similar, and one of the objects featured so far is one that was also on the show.

Each podcast they feature an item from world history and talk about what it is, when and where it came from, what it was for, and other socio-cultural contexts, often with interviews with really interesting folks. And there is some Attenborough. :)

Answer Me This!

Two British people get questions in from all over the world, though mostly from other British people, about anything and everything, and then they endeavour to answer them. Some of them relate to trivia, some actually require a bit of research about origins and such, and some of them are filthy and funny. Cuz, y'know, it's the internets. Host Olly really, really loves his cat, Coco, and Helen hates cats.

How Stuff Works

These were some of the first podcasts I started listening to. Stuff You Should Know has been going for a decade now, and while I listened to hundreds of episodes, I stopped listening some time ago. The landscape just filled up with too much more interesting stuff. I still listen to Stuff You Missed in History Class and Stuff Mom Never Told You, though I moved on from BrainStuff, TechStuff, and Stuff to Blow Your Mind, etc. some time ago. There have also been some video ones that I would catch up on while painting, doing dishes, etc.: Stuff They Don't Want You to Know, Stuff of Genius, Stuff From the Future. With various partnerships, etc., How Stuff works has a bunch more podcasts now, but I am kind of overflowing, so haven’t spent much time looking into them.

Fw:Thinking

This was a How Stuff Works/Discovery show (from when Discovery had acquired them, which has since been un-done). The two hosts from TechStuff and another guy hosted this one. Longer format, and tech topics that cover a potentially broader range – e.g. science that's not necessarily tech, as well as social implications and things like that. Lasted a few months on this one.

The Memory Palace

Publishing is a bit inconsistent, but I’ve had this one on the list for years, and it will stay. Interesting little vignettes from history. Sometimes funny, sometimes sad, often presented from a really unique and brain-twisting angle. And Nate diMeo rivals Roman Mars for Most Soothing Voice.

Savage Lovecast

Dan Savage's advice show, which goes along with his column, wherein people call in and leave questions, comments, rants, etc. It's human sexuality-centric, though there are cultural aspects as well, particularly those relating to non-vanilla, monogamous, heterosexual relationships and interactions. I didn't listen to this one regularly, but would binge listen for a week or two until I was tired of the weird problems of the young/old/gay/straight/bi/trans/kinky/etc. I don't always agree with Savage's perspectives or advice, but I learned a fair bit, too, which is even better than just being entertained. Gave up on it some time back.

Sawbones

The husband, Justin, plays the dumb everyman to his wife, Sydnee, who is a doctor. They (mostly she) present a medical condition, phenomenon, etc. and discuss how it was perceived and treated throughout history. As you can imagine, many of them are rather horrifying from a modern perspective, but can also be kinda funny, hence the tagline, "A marital tour of misguided medicine". Everything from headaches to fertility issues shows up, and if you're the kind of person who makes it a point of visiting 19th century surgical museums while on vacation (yup), you'll dig this. That said, eventually it started to annoy me (him, particularly), so I gave up on it.

Welcome to Night Vale

This is weird. That cannot be overstated. Ostensibly it's a community updates radio broadcast from a desert town in the US. Except there are angels and aliens and wild dogs and homicidal wheat and wheat byproducts. There's not just a local constabulary, but a Sheriff's Secret Police. There's a long and expensive boardwalk, except there is no water anywhere near the town. There's an eccentric old woman and a dreamy scientist, and random shadowy characters who come and go. Occasionally people get vaporized. Or there's a bake sale. Anything could happen. That was just the first season. Like I said, weird. But with fun music and compelling overall. I never got around to following up on succeeding seasons, but I know some people remain big fans.

The Moth

The Moth is a series of storytelling events that go on around the US, and are semi-professional. A lot of the speakers present more than once, there are awards and a championship and such. A lot of the speakers are also professional writers, and I gather you call a hot line to pitch your story idea and they work with you to polish it up and get it ready for prime time. The podcast is a distillation of these stories (which are also played on the radio in the US, I gather), and rarely disappoint. In fact there've been a couple of times when I probably shouldn't have been driving while listening, they're that engrossing. There's a book, too, of hand-picked stories. Highly recommended, but eventually I just kinda lost interest, like with TED Talks, etc.

This American Life

Was the number one podcast in the US for a long time. Don’t know if it still is. I am not a fan of the host, Ira Glass', voice, but you get used to it. It's a bit like The Moth, in that it contains in-depth stories about lives often very unlike your own. But it's also journalism, too, to get these stories, with a fair bit more socio-political commentary, whether it's about a Chicago school with a lot of gun deaths, or just how dangerous acetaminophen is. The topics cover an amazing wide range, and some shows are a lot more heart- or gut-wrenching than others, which is cool. The amount of work that must go into making these shows is staggering. All that said, I didn’t stick around very long.

Quirks and Quarks

From the CBC, podcast version of the radio show. All manner of science, and plenty of dinosaurs – everyone likes dinosaurs! I've also noticed that there tends to be a lot of women among the scientists they interview, which I appreciate. Eventually moved on from this, too.

Ontario Brewer

A great way to get to know the breweries and beers of Ontario, and the people who make them. (Craft brewing folks tend to be a lot of fun.) I find Mirella Amato, the host, to be fairly pretentious, but it's not really about her. I also tend to only listen to every other podcast. They do two per brewer, first picking a couple of their beers and talking about them, as well as the brewery history and whatnot. Then in the second one they pair the beers with cheese, chocolate, etc. A podcast about people talking about tasting things strikes me as a bit dumb. Not sure if they still make this one.

99% Invisible

Originally recommended by two very different friends, which is a good sign, and remains a staple. They had a clothing mini-series called “Articles of Interest” that was super interesting not long ago. It's about design in the world, architectural and otherwise. It looks at things you may never have seen, and things you look at every day. They could cover a specific iconic building, or a chair design that’s been ripped off a million times, or the history of pockets. A good way of shifting your perspective a bit. And Roman Mars rivals Nate DiMeo for Most Soothing Voice.

The Nerdist

I find Chris Hardwick a little annoying sometimes, and things can get pretty in-joke-y when Matt and/or Jonah are there. However, they also interview really cool people, so those are fun. I don't listen to all of them, and skip the ones where it's only Chris and co. talking, or when the guest is someone I don't know or care about. Plenty of great geek culture, though. Gave up on this one a long time ago, and turns out Hardwick IS a dick, so done with that genre.

StarTalk Radio

Neil DeGrasse Tyson's space-y show/podcast. He gets some really cool guests, but the musical bits are really annoying. Includes both Tyson talking science, and discussing with the guests. The cool part is that they're not all boffins. Could be Dan Aykroyd or Tony Bourdain or Joe Rogan. Didn’t last very long with this one. Just didn’t click.

Crash Course World History

Video series. John Green delivers the history of the world in 10-ish minute chunks. He explains the what, where, when, etc., as well as how those things affect the world now. He also has mad love for the Mongols, which never stops being funny. Aside from learning a more inclusive, less west'n'white version of history, you'll also get fun tidbits, like how the Silk Road (which wasn't just one route) helped bring the plague (Black Death, anyone?) to Europe from Asia.

Thug Notes

Big props to Dave for turning me on to this one. Sparky Sweets, PhD (alias), delivers book/play summaries and analysis on classic works of literature, from Austen to Shakespeare, in 5-ish minute increments, accompanied by entertaining animations and charmingly colloquial language. Frankly, his summaries and analysis are better than a lot of the formal education in lit that I've received. And way funnier. I don’t think many of these get made anymore as they got acquired and he’s been doing other projects.

Part 2

CANADALAND

News, media, and criticism about Canada. Jesse Brown is the guy who broke the Ghomeshi scandal. It's opened my eyes to how little I knew about what's going on, news-wise, in the country, and who's making the news (and what their agendas are).

Caustic Soda

Violence! Disaster! Weirdness! Big time geeky, lots of science, lots of grossness, sometimes really interesting guests. Plus the Muppet Show cover theme song for when they have guests always makes me grin. Has been over for a while, but the archive is worth a listen.

Criminal

In keeping with the true crime vein, stories recounting actual crimes with interesting details, weird twists, or lingering mysteries. Fits in well for folks who like Serial and such.

The Truth

Short radio plays/vignettes that are odd, affecting, and strangely engaging. It's really hard to describe, but hooks you quickly. I tend to go a while not listening to it, and then I’ll catch up and an episode will totally grab me.

Part 3

CANADALAND: COMMONS

COMMONS is the second podcast CANADALAND started producing, covering Canadian politics and related topics. It initially drew me because it was sort of a “politics for people who aren’t into politics” twist. In addition to covering news and issues, they would get into things like what the Senate is and how it’s for, or dig into terms like populism or what a fiscal conservative is, which is handy. The podcast has cycled through several sets of hosts and with each iteration has had a very different focus and flavour. The second group focused a lot more on social justice issues. They have mostly had hosts who are relatively young and people of colour, which I think helps expand the perspectives. With the most recent iteration the host is a journalist who has been exploring corruption in Canada.

Freakonomics Radio

Same schtick as the books, etc., and one I'd listened to some time ago, but then it seemed to disappear. Back now and enjoying it. Economics isn't really my thing, either, so it's interesting to see it approached from angles that do interest me, or have a certain "WTF?" aspect, like an episode on the economics of being a sex offender (it's a really bad idea - aside from being punished for the crime, you're going to be punished socially and financially pretty much forever). Stephen Dubner has since gone out kind of on his own, and I think has plans to take the production in new directions, so we’ll see what they get up to.

All the Books

This one’s great because it’s about books and I get lots of recommendations and I like the hosts. It used to be frustrating because it was expanding my TBR list too quickly, but I learned after a while that the hosts and I don’t love the same things, so most of what they love/recommend isn’t going to be a huge priority for me. There’s a backlist show/episode interspersed with new releases, too, which I don’t really follow, but it’s an interesting rabbit hole. They get a nice variety of genres, author types, etc. as well.

Gastropod

This one is one of my favourites. It’s about food, but explored via science and history. And of course there’s the odd weird taste test, because food and entertainment. There's some cute "friction" between the hosts sometimes, as Nicola is British by birth, and so has very across-the-pond opinions on many things related to cuisine, manners, etc. Whereas Cynthia is American and Jewish and her east coast experiences reflect that, too. The ladies are both writers and journalists and have gone on some amazing adventures. And hey, what better way to learn all about a gazillion varieties of potato than to go to Peru and attend a festival for them. WILL make you want to eat and drink all the things.

Invisibilia

This one's about unseen factors that shape our world, though that sounds pretty vague, and if you just start listening to episodes things can seem kind of random. They will cover huge topics, like how humans' tendencies to assign (or chafe against) categorization shapes our world, or how our expectations of "disability" may be off base. Sometimes the approach is a bit more sideways/quirkier, though. I really like the combination of stories and anecdotes focused on the topics, but also how they blend that with science and studies and all that other rigorous stuff. They’re longer episodes, and seasons are spread out pretty far (I think the hosts have a lot of other projects), but good for a long walk and a think.

Mystery Show

Defunct now, but was super quirky and charming. The premise is that the host and chief investigator takes on a mystery for each episode. Something that's been bothering someone for some time (could be weeks, could be decades), and solves it. That could mean finding out something, returning something to its owner, etc. It can't just be something solvable by using the Internet, as we're so prone to doing these days. (I will note that my perception of the host based on her voice was SO completely off base when I finally saw a picture of her.) It’s one of those story-centric podcasts where the premise seems frivolous, but totally isn’t in the fullness of time, as it were. One of the earliest episodes I listened to was about returning a unique belt buckle to a chef. Turned out to be an amazing chase and surprisingly poignant. Certainly unique, and really gets you pondering unknown or unsolved things in your own life and how one would go about solving them (especially without the internet).

White Coat, Black Art

This one’s from the CBC, and the host is Dr. Brian Goldman, who’s a long-time ER physician in Toronto. The premise is looking at healthcare from “all sides of the gurney”. It goes well beyond emergency medicine, though, and tackles issues like wait times, marginalized or ageing populations, managing disabilities, the opioid epidemic, and broader ties to history, politics, and society. In a country where we have a huge Baby Boomer cohort getting ever older, and the challenges that brings, there's a lot to talk about. He also has some fantastic and intriguing guests, and some fascinating glimpses into how healthcare gets handled elsewhere (like the US and Europe), for better or worse.

Part 4

The Allusionist

Helen Zaltzman from Answer Me This talks about the English language. Quirks of words and phrases, where sayings came from, invented languages, colloquialisms and slang, history and evolution, you name it. She has some great guests from other relevant podcasts, too, which make for some fun times. Good stuff for word nerds.

Another Round

Another now defunct Buzzfeed podcast, but was really excellent. American, and largely focused on Black culture. (Both hosts are Black women.) Highly irreverent, and regularly makes fun of white people and mainstream culture - moments in white history are some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever heard. It's not all goofing off, though. There's a lot of discussion of race and related issues, gender, socioeconomics, straight up pop culture (it is from Buzzfeed...) and some really great interviews from people like Hilary Clinton, Valerie Jarrett, Anil Dash, and Hannibal Burress. You never quite know what you're going to get, which makes it more fun. Archive recommended.

The Black Tapes

I started listening to this one because Paul Bae of You Suck, Sir is one of the producers. I gave up after the first season. It was just trying too hard and dragging out waaaay too much. It’s a radio drama about investigations of the paranormal, a bit X-Files-y. The idea being a serialized investigation of an unsolved case each episode, but they got away from that pretty quickly. The dialogue is also a bit rough sometimes, and they go way over the top with the soundscaping for suspense and drama, which I found really distracting.

Death, Sex & Money

Does what it says on the tin, though depending on the interview, focus, and stories, might get more or less of any one of those foci. Mostly interviews and discussions with really interesting (sometimes famous) people about the stuff we don’t talk much about openly. And of course there’s plenty of, “I can’t believe I said that!” The one with Jane Fonda was excellent.

Lore

History, folklore, and stories woven together. This was Aaron Mahnke’s first podcast, and it has since spun out into a media empire with books, a TV show, and more podcasts, etc. Mahnke’s delivery style has smoothed out over time. He was a bit... Shatneresque for a while there. The stories are true, with a hint of mystery and plenty of the unexplained. But Mahnke does a good job of weaving in myth, folklore, the supernatural, and other relevant things to give richness and context to the stories. And they never entirely wrap up tidily. His Cabinet of Curiosities is a good, shorter sister accompaniment to this.

Planet Money

A bit similar to Freakonomics... but not really. All manner of finance-related topics covered from a variety of angles, though US-centric, unsurprisingly. Sometimes more finance-centric, but other times gets way more into psychology, anthropology, etc. There was an episode on the anatomy of a scam was fascinating and heartbreaking. Great investigative work. But then there are others like the one about "delicious cake futures" that're just irreverent and hilarious.

Reply All

"A show about the Internet". Which it is, but... that doesn’t really tell you anything. This one is often SO much fun, and they go down some incredible rabbit holes, whether they’re explaining internet culture to their boss by unravelling a tweet (”Yes, Yes, No”) or exploring a weird tech mystery, like a phishing incident. You will definitely learn things you had no idea about, become fascinated by fraud, and realize you barely know anything about the breadth and depth of internet culture.

Still Untitled: The Adam Savage Project

Another round of serious geekery. Mythbusters' Adam Savage and friends just... talk about stuff. Projects they're working on, particularly Adam's, geeking out over... things. Things they like, things they've made, things other people made that they wish they had... There's a definite maker bent and a geek pop culture bent. Like The Martian has gotten a lot of love over the past while. But they talk about everything from billiards to camping, and it goes along with the Tested show as well. For science! I didn’t end up keeping up with this one for long, since I’m not that kind of maker and the shows were fairly long.

Stuff Mom Never Told You

This one I've been listening to for years, through several iterations of hosts. The focus was a bit more political and career-centric with the last hosts, and a bit more cultural with the current ones. All things feminism and gender, and the related issues where those things are concerned. It’s US-centric, so some of the content isn’t always entirely relevant outside the country (like healthcare and reproductive rights), but good to be reminded that Gilead isn’t entirely fictional...

Stuff You Missed in History Class

Like the above, have been listening for years, so time to give it its due. It is an American podcast, so there's plenty of US history on offer, but they do cover plenty of other countries, time periods, and types of history. Everything from fashion, to art, to great dynasties, to titillating scandals, to amazing characters, to disasters (both ancient and modern-ish). They try to include plenty of history that’s not just white and male-centric (though they get plenty of complaints about “too many women”, because people are assholes. They also have really interesting interviews, often with authors. This Day in History Class is their little sister podcast, which is a 5-minute daily on what happened that day historically.

Part 5

50 Things That Made the Modern Economy

Coming to us from the BBC World Service, this one reminds me somewhat of my much-loved A History of the World in 100 Objects. It considers a wide range of products and services, from barcodes to insurance to paper. They explain where these things came from, why they were revolutionary, their broader influence and importance, and their ongoing value and evolution in today's world. Episodes are fairly short, so good for a quick hit thought provocation, or you can save them up for a fascinating topical binge (and see how some threads of history, business, tech, etc. fit together).

Crimetown

Exposes the seedy underbelly of various places and people. Season one was Providence, Rhode Island (including infamous mayor Buddy Cianci and New England crime boss Raymond Patriarcha). Season two will focus on Detroit. The first season had characters and stories that were straight out of the movies, including the wise guy accents. Classic mobsters and mayhem. Great for true crime fans, but with a bit of a twist.

The Infinite Monkey Cage

The longer format of the weekly BBC Radio 4 show, with Robin Ince as the straight man, and British science's favourite media son, Prof. Brian Cox. Each episode irreverently tackles a science topic, from sleep to gambling to climate change, assisted by a panel of scientists, academics, writers, and comedians. The schtick wore a bit thin for me after a while, though one Christmas episode on ghosts was a particular highlight.

Longform

As advertised, these are long interviews (typically an hour or a bit more) with a variety of interesting folks, the key connecting thread being that they're all writers or editors (or both). That's a pretty broad category, though, as interviewees range from Ta-Nehisi Coates to Nate Silver to Malcolm Gladwell. I don't listen to every one, but when you get a good one, man, is it interesting stuff. Problem is you don’t know before you listen what ones will be gold, and it’s a lot of time to commit.

Note to Self

Defunct now, this one styles itself as "the tech show about being human", which is true, though it leans heavily at times on lifehacking and projects - things like making ourselves more efficient, establishing good habits, etc. None of that was really my thing and I tended to skip those episodes. It also learned a lot toward issues and lifestyles of the modern family, which can either be interesting from a peripheral perspective (since I don’t have kids) or more blablah I don’t care about. Stuff about digital privacy, racism online, etc. were pretty universally interesting and useful topics, though.

Only Human

This one wraps science and humanity around politics and currently events (US-centric). Like US "bathroom laws" and how they tie into real families with trans kids, and the clinics and medical staff that work with and treat those kids. Or medical care on Native reservations accompanied by centuries old well-earned mistrust of the establishment. Or accompanying a doctor whose mission it is to provide safe abortions in the south, and how increasingly difficult that's become. I thought this one was defunct, but looks like I just stopped listening after a while. (I know they went through a pretty intense self-improvement project phase, which was of zero interest.)

Revisionist History

Malcolm Gladwell’s first dive into podcastland, and definitely one of my favourites. After the 2016 US election, this show and Tony Bourdain’s Parts Unknown kept me sane. In each episode, Gladwell takes a historical event, recounts it, then deconstructs it and re-recounts it from other angles, shedding new light and context on it. In certain ways it’s classic Gladwell. It tackles racism, sexism, homophobia, and all the other big -isms. It gives names to issues and societal quirks you’ve always been aware of but never had definitions for. Some stuff is broadly culturally or historically fascinating, but I guarantee something will hit you way closer to home than you ever expected. So far this one’s three seasons in, and he’s how started a network, Pushkin Industries, which also now includes the Broken Record music podcast.

See Something Say Something

Buzzfeed used to have some fantastic content by great diverse voices. I’m not sure how much of it is left now that this, Another Round, and probably others have ended. This one is about being Muslim in America, and is an instance where I have no issues with stories, perspectives, and content from Millennials and those younger. Mixes pop culture with religion, intellectual discourse with goofy irreverence, and you’ll definitely learn stuff every episode. The number of smart, successful female guests was also always a highlight.

Weekly Infusion

Didn’t last long with this one, but checked it out since Nicole Angemi, who I follow on Instagram, was a guest. It ended up a bit slick and overproduced for my taste, though it did dig into medical issues, pathology, etc., which is up my alley. They did make things really accessible, perhaps almost too much so. And they had celeb guests or other notables who either have a stake in the medical issues being discussed, or are experts in that field. I listened to episodes about anaphylaxis to epilepsy to synesthesia, so something for everyone if the format is cool with you.

You Must Remember This

The first couple seasons were a great binge for me, covering all the fascinating stories, scandals, juicy trivia, and big characters in the first century of Hollywood. There were some fantastic series, like Charles Manson's Hollywood, the Blacklist/McCarthy Communist witch hunts, Hollywood during WWII, or “Six Degrees of Joan Crawford”. But since then it’s gotten more meh. Just topics or series that don’t interest me or that feel like they’re getting a bit too peripheral. May still be fascinating to super hardcore movie history buffs, though. The most recent series was really side content to go along with the book she has coming out, so we’ll see if future seasons are any more like the older stuff or not.

Part 6

Aaron Mahnke’s Cabinet of Curiosities

This is the same guy who does Lore and Unobscured. These episodes are shorter, each with a couple of stories about a wide variety of people, places, things, events, etc. that are unique, odd, or generally unexplained. Because they don’t have to fill out a longer episode, you’re more likely to hear about things that weren’t covered in a bunch of other podcasts.

Broken Record

Malcolm Gladwell’s second podcast outing, in addition to my beloved Revisionist History. It’s only a few of episodes in so far, and music podcasts haven’t really been my thing, but the first episodes have been super interesting. I did skip the third one since I don’t like Rufus Wainwright. Definitely willing to give this one a few more episodes to see how it plays out. The guests are the folks who’ve been there and done that and have all the stories.

Committed

This one’s a season in, and it’s about relationships, but it’s wide and deep. Getting pregnant at 14, infertility, a terminal brain tumour, lost at sea, second marriage, life sentences in prison... these are not your average suburbanites. Or they are, but it’s parts of their lives you’ve never known. Elevated snotbomb risk from time to time, but really well done and there’s something relatable in every episode.

Bodies

Also one season in. By women, for women, about women (though anyone else listening in will learn A LOT). Stories of health and issues and the struggles of getting correct diagnoses and treatment and how life and bodies change. I suspect most women would relate to something in every episode, even if it’s not specifically about an issue you’ve dealt with. Men would probably have a lot of holy shit moments listening in.

No Such Thing As A Fish

The researchers for the UK quiz show QI sit around and riff on their four favourite facts of each week, along with supplementary facts and random anecdotes, bad puns, dumb jokes, and taking the piss out of each other. It’s very nerdy and a lot of fun and will fill your brain with excellent trivia. They do a lot of live shows as well, so many of those are a bit themed to wherever they are on that week.

OPPO

Another CANADALAND podcast, which I have recently gotten rid of due to overload. Jen Gerson and Justin Ling basically spend each episode kvetching at and interrupting each other regarding politics and issues of the day. Not sure how well they actually represent particularly opposing political views, but she’s a woman and lives in Calgary and he’s a gay dude in Toronto, so, okay? I do find out about issues I hadn’t heard much about, so that’s good. I think it’s more just YMMV re. the hosts.

The Secret Life of Canada

This one was picked up by the CBC and I am still kind of bitter that I missed the ladies at the Kitchener Library a while back (I wasn’t listening to the podcast yet, but still). Basically, stuff you never learned in school about our country’s history, and which, frankly, should pretty much just replace our still very white, patriarchal, colonial history teachings.

Sidedoor

From the Smithsonian, the podcast covers all kinds of stories, people, events, and things from the museum. A bit hard to pin down, but super interesting, and talks about everything from a famous skeleton in their collection (the guy used to work for the Smithsonian!) to Gullah cuisine. Very American-centric, unsurprisingly, but enjoyable for history/anthropology nerds.

Small Town Dicks

True crime stories, but the twist is that the detectives who investigated them are the ones talking about them. The hosts are Yeardley Smith (best known as the voice of Lisa Simpson) and Zibby Allen, who I wasn’t familiar with. Then they usually have one or both of Detectives Dan and Dave, who are twins and cops (though one’s retired now and the other’s been promoted to Sergeant), as well as frequently guests who are other cops talking about the specific case of the week. I’ve found the handling of the subject matter both really in-depth (and sometimes pretty horrific or even comical) but also respectfully done, which is more than I can say for some other true crime podcasts I’ve tried.

Sold in America

A fairly new 8-part series about sex work in the US with a focus on trafficking and the many issues directly entwined with it — previous trauma, poverty, unemployment, addiction, etc. I’m almost to the end, and it’s been excellent, and often quite uncomfortable. It is US-focused, but the issues there are no different from here or anywhere else. The host Noor and her team travel a lot of talk to a lot of people whose lives this is or has affected, so these aren’t third-hand stories; this is lived experience, from women at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada to trans youth trying to overcome homelessness.

This Day in History Class

The little sister of Stuff You Missed in History Class, a daily, five-minute quickie of what happened on that date historically. Good snack for history nerds. Sometimes ties into longer episodes on the same or related topic that SYMIHC will be covering as well.

Unladylike

The two former co-hosts of Stuff Mom Never Told You went out on their own and are working on a feminist media empire (their book came out last month). Same topics re. feminism, gender, politics, sexism, diversity, culture, etc. Sometimes lighter, sometimes super heavy, but really interesting and they have some fantastic guests. And they can swear now. In addition to all the doom and gloom out there, they do also try to bring the good news (and diversity), too.

Black Tea

Former CANADALAND: COMMONS co-host (and current Melle coworker) Andray Domise and his friend (lawyer and activist) Melayna Williams get into culture, issues, and current events, particularly relating to Black communities in Canada (and somewhat the US as well). A lot of it goes over my head (big reveal: I am not Black, and I am old), but it’s cool to learn about stuff I know nothing about, and a common complaint I have is that too much of the media I consume, especially podcasts, is US-made/centric, so the CanCon is refreshing. Also at times very funny, though when there is a rant to be ranted, they don’t hold back.

The Butterfly Effect

Author/journalist/film maker Jon Ronson did this one-off series investigating the effects of the explosion of the online porn industry on the legacy porn industry. He was fascinating by the idea that online porn as we now know it is basically attributable to one guy in Belgium (and one company), and wanted to know what the far-reaching effects of that have been. It’s fascinating, and weird when you end up having moments almost feeling sorry for people and producers in a business that is, to put it mildly, problematic and exploitative. However, at the same time, it is a fascinating dive into human psychology.

Death in the Afternoon

New podcast by the ladies behind The Order of the Good Death, including Caitlin Doughty, its founder, who has written two books and has a popular death-positive YouTube series; Sarah Chavez, who you have very likely come across online as she’s widely involved in death education, culture, etc.; and Louise Hung, their coworker, who has also written broadly and extensively online. Typically they start off digging into some story/urban myth about death (or a sensational death) and breaking down the truths and fallacies and intricacies of the story. Then Sarah will tell a longer story of death relating to the issue at hand, which often involves mystery, folklore, etc.

Dirty John

This was originally an LA Times series, which was turned into a podcast, and is now being made into a TV series. True crime story centring around a truly horrific dumpster fire of a human being and the family he terrorized. Sensational, certainly, but also mind-blowing that it actually happened, and a lot of psychological explorations. Big time potential triggers for mental and physical abuse, drug addiction, violence, and other issues.

Ear Hustle

All about life inside San Quentin prison in California, and hosted by Nigel Poor, who volunteers there, and Earlonne Woods, who has been incarcerated there, but whose sentence was commuted as of US Thanksgiving 2018, so he’ll be free shortly. One imagines things will change somewhat with him shortly being on the outside, though he’ll remain a producer on the show and will report on post-prison life. The show does a good job of fleshing out and humanizing the inmates and stories, though doesn’t sugar-coat that some of these men are in for really bad stuff. It also sheds light on broader issues like the prison pipeline, over-representation of people of colour, and challenges of life after prison.

My Dad Wrote A Porno

There are three hosts, all friends, and host/story reader Jamie’s dad “Rocky Flintstone” is the writer dad in question. Apparently a while back he learned of and/or read 50 Shades of Grey and figured he could do that. (Given how terrible it is, who couldn’t?) So he took himself to the garden shed and wrote... Belinda Blinked. The resulting podcast is Jamie, James, and Alice reading the book(s) and talking about it (mocking it savagely). It’s filthy, the writing is terrible (and Mr. Flintstone seems to lack even basic understanding of female anatomy, among other things). The commentary is hilarious and frequently includes education about things like female anatomy (as much for James, who is gay, as anyone). They just finished the fourth book as of November 2018, and will return with the fifth next year. After the annual Christmas special, of course.

Taste Buds

Another offering from the CANADALAND folks. One season so far, and I won’t be tuning in for a future one. The premise of a former restaurant critic sitting down with restauranteurs is potentially interesting, but nothing about the actual execution of it really grabbed me. It’s also all in Toronto, so places I’ve never been and mostly people I’ve never heard of (and don’t care).

Thunder Bay

Also a CANADALAND offering, and the result of hitting their crowdfunding goal last year. A five-part series hosted by former COMMONS host Ryan McMahon (who is an Indigenous person) about the city, people, politics, and culture of Thunder Bay, ON. Accompanied, unsurprisingly, by the corruption, racism, social issues, and deaths of a number of Indigenous youth over the last few years. It’s a horror show, and not easy to listen to, but the degree of racism, sexism, and corruption shouldn’t really surprise anyone with their ears generally open. Or if it is surprising, then listen to it twice. Also a good thing to send to anyone who tries to argue that Canada doesn’t have the same kinds or level of issues as the US.

Unobscured

Aaron Mahnke’s latest podcast, and a historical deep dive. (Kind of like the historical flip side to the cultural side that is Revisionist History). For the first season he’s digging into the Salem Witch Trials. It’s a degree of background and detail that very few people are likely to be familiar with, and it had way more to do with politics, power struggles, religion gone awry, misogyny, and other familiar social ills than with ergot poisoning, religious fervour run amok, the devil among us, or whatever else has become the pat stories in the succeeding few hundred years. As I understand it each season will be regarding one event and take a similarly deep approach. It’s at times a bit more detail than I care about, but I’m still curious about how it’ll wrap up and what next season will bring.

Part 7

Code Switch

One of the NPR family. Had to pick and choose of the backlist, since it’s been on the air for several years and there’s NO WAY I’d be able to listen to them all. However, it is really interesting to hear their discussions/insights of major events months or years later. The hosts are people of colour, as are the guests, so the focus is on race identities and issues. Being NPR, it’s pretty American-centric, but like most other things, that still affects the world beyond their borders. Sometimes hard to listen to, but I absolutely always learn something.

Dressed

This is one of those where, on the surface, it’s not my thing, but then I end up getting really engaged and learning tonnes. This one is from the How Stuff Works/I Heart Radio network, and is about the history of fashion. Now, fashion itself isn’t really my thing, but fashion is very much tied to history, politics, gender issues, the environment, global trade, race relations, and a million other things. I don’t listen to every episode, but I always learn stuff. The two-parter on the history of Black Dandyism is an excellent example of a topic that ties in all the subjects I mentioned and more, and was just super interesting.

Ologies with Alie Ward

Definitely a new favourite, though I’m still about a year behind in the backlog, and episodes tend to be 1-2 hours long. Host Alie Ward refers to it as a “science adjacent” podcast, though it is scientific and in the top 10 on Apple’s Science podcast rankings. Basically, Alie interviews an “ologist” in each episode, an expert on a given topic, anywhere from squids to crime to postcards. The personalities of the ologists really come through, which make it funny and quirky and sometimes things go down the strangest and most charming rabbit holes. A big bonus is that few of the ologists are old bearded white dudes. (Though the bearded old white dudes are delightful, too – mushrooms!) Alie’s asides and inputs take a bit of getting used to, but I enjoy them now. Sometimes they’re additional educational tidbits she researched, sometimes they’re just dorky moments. It’s one of those shows where, even if the topic doesn’t seem up my alley, I listen anyway, because I already learn and enjoy myself. And when there are topics like dogs I’m basically a slavering fangrrl. Also, excellent Instagram recommendations.

Terrible, Thanks for Asking

I was iffy about this one, though the host was a guest on another podcast I listen to and was really interesting, so I gave it a shot. It’s definitely not for bingeing, as it’s basically interviewing people and telling stories about the worst times in their lives. (There’s something of the flavour of Committed as well.) And the host, Nora McInerny, knows what she’s talking about in that realm. (She’s one of those stories that you would think was just too over the top if it was on TV.) Definitely shows you a lot of facets of life, though, and there’s much to learn and empathize with. Just... make sure you have something fun for a palate cleanser.

30 Animals That Made Us Smarter

Also from the BBC, and I love their series. This one basically takes aspects of nature that we’re researching to benefit the human world and influence new tech. Kingfisher beaks for faster trains, tardigrades and vaccines, etc. Short, fun, fascinating. Around the same time I learned about this one I also learned that 50 Things That Made The Modern Economy is also back with a new season, so that’s back on the list, too. Definitely recommended.

Atlanta Monster / Monster: The Zodiac Killer

I’ll say right up front that I didn’t love either of these, but was in a lull where I needed more content. I’m not a fan of this style where they really try an manipulate episode to episode, where it’s like, “He totally did it!” followed by “They’re totally railroading him!” And so on. Plus, neither series has a conclusive answer, which... is that ever satisfying. But it’s got the expected stuff for the true crime junkies.

Crackdown

This is a really interesting piece of journalism. It’s a series about the drug war, opioid crisis, policy, and the real world of addiction as produced by people who have addictions. The host was a heroin addict for years and has been on Methadone for quite some time as well. They also lost one of their editorial board members to overdose basically between the production of the first and second episodes. It’s real, raw, and often very angry, as it should be. It explores a lot of angles, like the disaster that was replacing Methadone, and Portugal’s decriminalization of drugs, to the dangers of the supply and using these days. Not pretty, but should pretty much be required listening for anyone living somewhere with an opioid crisis... which is pretty much everywhere...

Disgraceland

Self-described as “rock ‘n’ roll true crime”. It’s pretty much pure voyeurism, and absolutely illustrates the worst of humanity, but also doesn’t let us off the hook for our complicity in how celebrities act and why they’re allowed to be (expected to be?) like that. I mean, the first episode was about Jerry Lee Lewis and how he pretty much got away with murdering his fifth wife. (His fourth died under pretty sketchy circumstances, too.) If you like (auto)biographies by 80s/90s metal band members and that sort of thing, you’ll love this one. I tend to really like the behind the scenes stuff of just about anything, including history, and this fits that bill.

The Dropout

Basically, if you would rather listen to the story of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos instead of reading the book, this is your podcast. Based on what a friend said about it I was expecting it to be a bit different. I didn’t love it, but it does have plenty of twists and turns and sketchiness and intrigue. Unlike my previous gripe, they really also don’t try and make you go back and forth on whether you think they committed fraud or not. Or, at least, if they were trying to, they really failed. This is a standalone series, so is a shortish binge, pretty much.

The End of the World with Josh Clark

They put a lot of resources into this one, but given how long Clark’s mainstay podcast Stuff You Should Know has been one of the top downloads overall, he knows what he’s doing and probably has some sway with a passion project. (And given everything is branded with the “with Josh Clark” bit, his involvement is very intentional.) Basically, this one looks into ways we might wipe ourselves out - rogue AI, biotech, natural disasters, etc. It’s interesting and well done, but I found myself zoning out from time to time. The sound design also gets a bit over the top sometimes, which bugs me. I also think they dragged it out too much. They didn’t really need the end episodes.

Jensen and Holes: The Murder Squad

This is newish for me (and they’re only a few episodes in). It’s kind of an evolution in true crime programming. Jensen is a journalist and Holes is a recently retired investigator/profiler/scientist. His recent claim to fame is helping catch the Golden State Killer. (And Jensen helped finish Michelle McNamara’s book on the same subject after she died.) Both of them are specialists in unsolved and cold cases, and have decided to start focusing more on trying to get them solved rather than just reporting on and looking into them themselves. There’s a huge true crime fanbase with amateur sleuths out there, and this endeavours to harness that, along with new tech, social media, etc. Crowdsourced criminology, basically. Interesting idea, and I look forward to seeing how it plays out. Each episode they take a known killer, or known victims, and present what’s known about the victims, crimes, locations, killer, MO, etc. They interview people who were involved or investigated the crimes at the time. And they put the case information up on their website - facts, photos, maps, etc. and let the audience do their thing as well. So this one doesn’t talk about cases til the end of things, but if what they’re trying works, could be some fascinating stuff.

Lagered Tales

This one is put out by Beau’s All Natural Brewing Company out of Vankleek Hill in eastern Ontario. It features a rotating cast of hosts from among the brewery’s staff, and covers a variety of topics, from brewery news, industry events, local stories, deep dives on beer topics, chats with other folks who work at Beau’s, as well as Canadian entertainers and other interesting industry people. It’s folksy and well-produced at the same time, and while it won’t be up everyone’s alley, I find it fun.

This Podcast Will Kill You

LOVE this one. Haven’t been listening long, but totally binged the whole backlist. It’s two disease ecology grad students, both named Erin, and they talk about... diseases! They both have PhDs and one of the Erins is also in medical school, so they know their stuff re. infectious diseases. It’s both solidly scientific and accessible to the average person. They cover pathogens, parasites, etc. in depth, as well as what they do to people, how they spread, their histories, how dangerous they are to humanity overall, etc. They also have signature cocktails for every disease/episode. Perhaps not for the squeamish, but super interesting. Also occasionally dad-level bad jokes, which is just excellent.

Part 8

Everywhere

Fairly new and part of the I Heart Radio family (which bought the How Stuff Works family). Host Daniel is a travel writer, and he is intermittently joined by friends/colleagues (including Holly from Stuff You Missed in History Class). It is about travel, but also not. It’s not about “I went here and this is what it’s like and what I recommend”, though there are bits of that. It’s more about recommendations for how to travel well, both for your own enjoyment and the benefit of the people and places you see. He has an overarching “commandment” theme for each episode, but they’re positive, i.e. “Thou shalt” rather than “Thou shalt not”. Can get very philosophical and poetic, and his voice/manner of speech has taken me some getting used to. Not sure it’ll be a long term addition to my list, but still enjoying it half a dozen episodes in.

Solvable

Another from the Pushkin Industries stable (Malcolm Gladwell and co., so Revisionist History, Broken Record, and others). In this one several hosts take turns talking to experts in various fields working to solve the world’s big problems, from civil war to cervical cancer. It’s smart, deeply informative, and does leave you feeling more informed and, dare I say it, hopeful. Another one where, even if you don’t think the topic is right up your alley, you listen anyway because it’ll suck you in with learning and fascinating perspectives. And then there are some like the interview with former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard that are total “holy shit, YES“ experiences.

Your Undivided Attention

Fairly new, and I’m only abour four episodes in, but really enjoying it. Deep dives on the big platforms and technologies we use, and how they’ve been designed and built to control us, along with the lack of ethics and oversight going into how these companies develop tools and algorithms, because revenue and time on site and data mining is a bigger priority than actually not being evil. It’s hosted by Tristan Harris, who used to be a design ethicist at Google, and Aza Raskin, who has the dubious distinction of having invented infinite scroll. (His dad, Jef, worked at Apple and invented the Mac computer, Magic Mouse, and more, and wrote The Humane Interface.) At various points during their interviews with other industry experts (ranging from former YouTube developers to former CIA operatives) they also have asides where they do deep dives/discussions on various points or ideas that have come up in the interview. Doesn’t get overly technical for a lay audience, and will definitely get you thinking and paying more attention to how you use your devices and online services, and how you are being guided, manipulated, and used by the biggest companies in tech.

The Anthropocene Reviewed

Hosted by author and YouTube educator John Green, he picks two things that are part of the human-centered world (the anthropocene) and reviews them as a... human in the world, basically, and based on his life experience. He ends with giving each a star rating out of five. He has some method to the madness of the two things he picks, and how he feels they relate to each other, but he doesn’t really explain it. Teddy Bears and Penalty Shootouts, the Lascaux Cave Paintings and the Taco Bell Breakfast Menu – really anything is fair game. In his typical style, he relates personal memories and anecdotes, waxes philosophical, and wonders about questions big and small. He also at times goes mildly off-topic to address tougher issues, like depression and anxiety disorder, which he’s dealt with all his life, and which in one way or another relates to one of the topics he’s discussing. It’s strange and quirky and an enjoyable way to see the world through someone else’s eyes.

Hit Man

This one just got started, but so far has an interesting premise. The host heard about this small press-published book from years ago, which I’d also heard of, called Hit Man: A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors. It’s literally a murder manual, and has allegedly figured in an assortment of killings. In this case, though, there’s a specific multiple homicide that it gets tied to, and the eight-episode arc dives into that case and the surrounding story. Will probably appeal to true crime fans, but haven’t heard enough yet to determine if it’s a keeper.

Noble Blood

Another from the I Heart family, and it’s both historical and true crime, in a way. It’s also pretty new, so not a lot of episodes so far. Basically it’s about noble/royal and famous people from history who came to a bad end. The host kicked off with one about Marie Antoinette. Pretty sure you know what happened to her. There’s another about King Charles II, and one about an Australian butcher who claimed to be a long lost baronet. I like dirty history, so am looking forward to more of thing one.

Part 9

The Dream

Apparently the host wanted to call this something with “scams” in the title, but there were some legal issues there. But that’s what this podcast is about. Season one was about MLMs. Multi-level marketing, aka direct marketing, networking marketing, or, more closely accurate, pyramid schemes. Not only is it educational about what they are, how they work, and who they target, it explains a lot about who is susceptible (again, targeted) and why they persist, even though like 99% of people who attempt to get rich quick with them fail and lose money. Sometimes a LOT of money. The second season is about the “wellness” industry in all its predatory glory. Unsurprisingly, there’s a fair bit of overlap with MLMs, how women are disproportionately sucked in, etc. It’s pretty US-centric, but then, these scams exist all over the world, and I think we all know someone who’s tried to flog that crap at us, so super relatable.

Gravy

Created by the Southern Foodways Alliance, so pretty much entirely American-centric, but doesn’t lose anything for it, since there’s a tonne about culture, history, immigration, class issues, and other more broadly relatable topics. It’s all about the evolving American south through a food lens. It’s as engaging as it is hunger-inducing, and I guarantee you’ll be surprised at just how non-homogenous the South actually was and is.

mortem

This one’s new from the BBC, and is only a few episodes in so far. The host is Carla Valentine, who has a fair bit of a media presence already via her Instagram and TV work, among other things. It’s a semi-fictional, semi-scientific series, with the stories broken up into several chapters, one per episode. In each story, there’s a murder victim and a mystery about who done it. Could be an elderly woman found dead in her kitchen, or a discorporated jawbone found on the Scottish coast. These actual “murders” are fictional, but the processes and procedures Carla discusses are quite real, as are the medical, law enforcement, and forensic experts she talks to as if they were real investigations. Entomology, forensic odontology, a soil expert, you name it. Fortunately to date they have solved all the cases, so there is that pleasant sense of closure.

Make Me Over

This is a series presented by the maker/host of You Must Remember This, all about image and expectations in Hollywood. Weight, age, plastic surgery, drugs, racism - it’s got it all. It uses the same celebrity and Hollywood history lens as YMRT, and, for reasons that should be obvious, focuses on famous women from various eras, from Esther Williams to Vanessa Williams. Instead of Karina Longworth narrating these stories, she’s recruited a series of writers, journalists, and others to research and explore characters and stories that have interested them. It’s pretty damning, though I can’t imagine the realities of the Hollywood machine would be a surprise to anyone at this point.

27 Club

This one comes from Jake Brennan, host of Disgraceland, and continues the theme of celebrities behaving badly. Though in this case it ends up killing them, as each season will tell stories of one celebrity who died at the age of 27, hence the name. Season one is about Jimi Hendrix, and season two will be Jim Morrison. Presumably Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, and others will follow. Unsurprisingly, it’s a lot of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, though depending on your age and musical tastes, I imagine some featured performers’ stories will be more familiar than others. No shortage of crazy stories and self-destructive behaviour, with plenty of rock history in the mix.

Cautionary Tales

Tim Harford hosts this one, among many, many other things he does. (I also follow his 50 Things That Made the Modern Economy.) It’s been on hiatus a while. Or maybe he was only planning one eight-episode season. I don’t recall. Basically, it’s stories of mistakes, from the ancient world to modern times. Who did what, how decisions were bad, what went wrong, and what can we learn from that. There are often stories or parts of them we may know, from history, the arts, and beyond, but these are angles you’ve likely never heard of or considered. There are plenty of whoa moments when you realize how history would have been differently written without these errors.

Decoder Ring

From the website: “In each episode, host Willa Paskin takes a cultural question, object, or habit; examines its history; and tries to figure out what it means and why it matters.” Which does make it sound drier and more anthropological than it is to the ears. Like I guarantee you had no idea how long the song Baby Shark has been around, how many versions there are, and how many countries and origins can claim it. Or how ice cream trucks became a thing. Or the term “friend of Dorothy” and how it relates to the entirety of modern gay culture. Did you know “cancel culture” was as nasty as it is today back in the 1860s? And, near and dear to my heart... rubber ducks. History, anthropology, technology, economics, it’s amazing how interconnected things are, particularly those we rarely stop to consider.

Disorganized Crime: Smuggler’s Daughter

It may not be the case for everyone, but for me, definitely a glimpse into a world and someone else’s childhood that’s VERY much not like my own. The host and her parents are pseudonymous, but back in the 60s and for several decades, her parents (largely her dad) were fairly big time pot smugglers in California. It weaves together the 60s counterculture and its hippie proponents, the history of California and its regions and the people who’ve inhabited it before it became the sterile, exorbitantly expensive tech wonderland it’s become. And how those hippies built their thriving businesses. It ties in how the world changed over time and the business with it, becoming less of a gentleman’s game and more of a dangerous illegal business. And how the 80s war on drugs blew up everything and ruined a lot of lives.

Dolly Parton’s America

An absolutely fantastic nine-part series from WNYC Studios, and largely thanks to the fact that Dolly Parton was in a car accident years back and befriended her doctor. (The main host is his son.) A lovely combination of history, tracing Dolly’s life and origins, her career, her business savvy and the empire she’s built. All woven beautifully together with her music, interviews with her and those around her, and related stories from modern history and culture that she influences, like how Dolly became a gay icon. A brilliant, talented, and fascinating woman and some of her stories beautifully captured.

Historic Royal Palaces

Recorded talks by British academics, sometimes on site where the people they’re discussing lived and historical events took place. Eg. talking about the Tudors at Hampton Court Palace. There are people and eras we know a lot about, like the Tudors, Henry VIII’s wives, etc. But also ones looking at medieval queens and their lives, power, and roles, through to Princess Diana and how she was different than anyone before her. Women’s roles, women in power, how being LGBTQ+ was looked upon and lived historically, fashion and its meanings and uses, and other fascinating and very human topics also get explored.

Outliers - Stories from the edge of history

In partnership with Rusty Quill, for each episode a writer or playwright creates basically a one-act play about a character of their choosing. Typically they’ve given a few options and select one whose history, location, and circumstances are interesting. The general idea is that the focus is on some “nobody” who happens to be present for and fictionally shed a light on much bigger people and events. They’re essentially two-parters, with the second piece being an interview with the playwright and getting into the history, what captured their imagination, issues with the process, and other interesting tidbits. Often, the scullery maid, the valet, the prison guard, and others, can have a fascinating “voice”, and a more interesting take on historical events than any scholar.

Part 10

This is Love

From the folks who make Criminal, just, y’know, love-ier. I gave it a try when it was first launched, but it didn’t really grab me, so didn’t continue listening. Several seasons went by. And then to trumpet the arrival of Season 4, they did a crossover pair of episodes with Criminal, about some wolves in Yellowstone, and they got me. Season 4, you see, is all about animals, so I’m a half-dozen episodes in so far and really enjoying it. Because animal love stories! So far they haven’t been sneaky bastards with some “the dog dies at the end” twist, fortunately. Whether I’ll stick around for Season 5, who knows.

The Dose

Sort of a sister podcast in shorter form than CBC’s White Coat, Black Art, with the same host. It’s been COVID-centric since March, for obvious reasons, but did launch slightly before the pandemic, so early episodes were about things like aspirin and heart attacks, BMI and what it means and if it’s relevant, etc. I did some skipping over time when I was overdosed on COVID news, but they are broadening coverage again as time goes on, but keeping the topics very up-to-the-minute relevant, like discussing how racism in the healthcare system can affect people and make COVID treatment and outcomes worse.

Over the Road

By and about long-haul trucking (in the US), which may be a dying way of life, we’ll have to see. Hosted by “Long Haul Paul”, who’s been a trucker for several decades, and who is also a folk singer/songwriter (also intermittently featured). The stories are accompanied by a cast of characters, and truckers and those in their world are pretty much all characters. They cover a broad range of topics, like different kinds of trucking and how they’re perceived in the culture; how technology is affecting trucking and what that means short- and long-term; who chooses a career in trucking and why, and how that affects family and the the rest of life, etc. Since Dad drove truck for a bit, I’ve had a glimpse into that world, but it’s really engaging, whether you know anything about it or not. And it’s work that touches all of us, whether we know it or not.

Cool Mules

A six-part special series from Canadaland about ye olden days of Vice Media (around 2015), when coolness and exploitation were the name of the game, which ended up with cocaine smuggling-related convictions for “Slava P” and a bunch of young kids who made some really bad choices and were manipulated by people who shouldn’t be anyone’s role models. Proof that not all criminal masterminds are evil geniuses.

Home Cooking

Global treasure, chef, cookbook writer, columnist, and Netflix star Samin Nosrat and Hrishikesh Hirway (aka Hrishi, broadly talented media dude and most familiar to me as the guy behind the Song Exploder podcast), decided to make a podcast series for folks stuck at home during the pandemic, possibly with a limited pantry, and perhaps forced to cook more than they were used to. There’s a running joke about beans... There are delightful guests and it’s a lot of goofy fun. There are terrible puns, and solid cooking advice that anyone can use. Alas, to date it’s only four episodes, but savour them like a fine meal, my friends.

Permission to Speak

I didn’t think I was going to get into this one, but every episode has managed to bring something that held my interest or got me thinking. Host Samara Bay is a voice coach for everyone from Washington to Hollywood, so her work ranges from teaching accents and dialects to helping women in positions of power (or who want positions of power) to speak up, to helping leaders engage their audiences instead of desiccating them or putting them to sleep with dry speeches. Every episode she has a guest, usually women, from a wide variety of professions and backgrounds, and their discussions cover a lot of ground, but there’s are always useful and engaging nuggets of realization, learning, and things anyone can act on.

Part 11

The Last Archive

This one’s newish and from Pushkin Industries, whence comes favourites like Revisionist History and Broken Record. Professor and historian Jill Lepore tells stories, digs into history and artifacts, and endeavours to answer, “Who killed truth?” And yet, none of that really clearly explains the episodes, which remind me a bit of the Decoder Ring podcast as well. Each episode features a story from the past, some historical episode, tied to some tangible thing that draws us into the largely narrative and context. (These things are from the fictional Last Archive.) If you like the kind of history that ties in weird and wonderfully disparate aspects with unexpected threads right through to the present day, this one’s for you.

Tumanbay

A narrative fiction podcast, now three seasons in, and with some book tie-ins to date with other media in the works. While fictional, it ties to the real history of the Mamluks in Egypt, and some of the world’s very real histories, cultures, religions, etc. The intermittent narrator is a key character in all seasons, and very much an anti-hero with an abiding interest in self-preservation. Game of Thrones fans with a bit of a more Middle Eastern interest would likely enjoy it, though there’s definitely a lot about palace intrigues and sabre rattling and invasions and the like.

My Funeral Home Stories

Grant, the host, is from a family that owns several funeral homes, crematories, and other death-related services. He started working part-time in the family business when he was 13, and while they didn’t immediately throw him into the deep end, he saw and experienced things at an age that would raise a lot of people’s eyebrows, I’d suspect. However, if you’re not squeamish, this is the guy you want to be seated next to at a cocktail party, because he has stories, and some of them are equal parts insane and horrific. Some of his descriptions are really graphic, so it’s definitely not for everyone. He also has sort of a running narrative/stream of consciousness thing going as he recounts what he was thinking during these events, and some of it is funny, dark, and at times weirdly random and unrelated. It tracks as very realistic for the average human in very non-average situations.

#podcast #audio #storytelling

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wotsthisollabout · 6 years ago

Text

ASMR?

My daughter and I were discussing ASMR videos the other day, and today one of my favorite webcomic authors put a whole dissertation on it up on his site. (Links at bottom - go read his comic!!!)

ASMR IS SUCH A WEIRD PHENOMENON

For those who experience it, ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) is a euphoric sensation that at times is overwhelming. For those who don't, it's usually "that cringy, awkward, creepy stuff". Little research has been done on ASMR and the world still doesn't really know why it happens.

I'm not a neurologist or a scientist, but I've spent more than 40 years experiencing and contemplating ASMR and I have some theories that I think genuinely explain what ASMR really is and why it happens. I believe ASMR has a purpose and played an important role in our species' evolution and survival. And while I didn't name it ASMR, I'm partly responsible for why we call it that today. I'll explain that in a bit. WHAT DOES ASMR ACTUALLY FEEL LIKE? Once it's triggered, ASMR creates a very pleasurable, tingly feeling that glides across the scalp in friendly waves and can even seem as though it's being felt deep under the scalp. The feeling can sometimes travel down the neck, shoulders and back. This feeling varies in intensity and promotes a euphoric sense of calm, relaxation and well being. The person experiencing ASMR is usually filled with a strong desire to simply remain still and enjoy the sensation until it fades (usually in 2 to 10 minutes, given the circumstances and the person). As someone who has battled an opioid addiction, I can tell you that strength and intensity of ASMR is easily comparable to the strength of a drug like euphoria. The ASMR feeling does not hinder a person's judgement by making them feel high or drunk. The subject remains clear headed and aware (though usually very relaxed).

IS ASMR SEXUAL? COME ON, IS IT? BE REAL WITH ME.

No. Not in the least. ASMR is often mistaken by people without it, as a kink or fetish. This is in no way true. The pleasurable feelings ASMR brings do not induce sexual feelings or urges. "But Tarol," I hear you saying, "I know people online who say they DO find it sexual". Yes. And there are people with a kink for combining food with sexual arousal, but this does not mean that the pleasure we get from yummy foods is sexual in nature. Some people are turned on by bondage, yet this doesn't make ropes innately sexual. Lots of people enjoy incorporating otherwise nonsexual aspects of the world around them into an erotic experience. The pleasure experienced by ASMR is no more sexual that the pleasure experienced from eating our favourite foods.

AFTER HEARING ABOUT THIS ASMR THING, I THINK I MIGHT ALSO HAVE IT.

I hear this a lot. It's an understandable reaction to something that is often so poorly and vaguely explained. "Oh it's a good feeling? Hey, I've felt good feelings before! Maybe I have it too". Let me sum this up. If, after hearing/reading about ASMR, you're saying "I think I have that", then you don't. If you're not completely sure if you have ASMR, then you don't have it. The ASMR sensation is so hard to explain, because it's so different than almost any other feeling. We try to compare it to other sensations like "tingly goosebumps" etc, but this hardly covers the actual feeling. ASMR is unique and impossible to miss, when it happens. It's like if I told you that massive dinosaurs were stampeding through my living room every morning and your response is "Hmmmm. Now that you mention it, I think dinosaurs might be stampeding through my living room too". If you actually have dinosaurs charging through your living room, you absolutely know it. If you have to think about whether or not dinosaurs charge through your home, it's definitely not happening to you.

ASMR TRIGGERS

Triggers are the events or experiences that can create the ASMR sensation. These triggers can vary a bit from person to person, but they all follow specific rules that give away the whole purpose of ASMR. Common triggers include whispering, chewing, gentle touching or close up focus on the ASMR subject (like a doctor shining a light in your ear or quietly listening to your heartbeat with a stethoscope). When looking at the pleasure that the ASMR subject feels and the apparent intimacy of some of these triggers, it's easy to see why non-ASMR folks might think that it's a sexual thing. What's worse, it's very common to see someone with an actual sexual kink, swearing up and down that "It's not sexual! Really". So an ASMR subject promising that it's not sexual, can leave their friend rolling their eyes and thinking "Oh yeah, this stuff is TOTALLY sexual"

MY LIFE WITH ASMR

I know that this blog isn't about me, but I think that recounting my discovery and gradual understanding of ASMR might help a bit to explain exactly what it is. I'll mark these bits with a "TL;DR" so you can skip them if you like.

I WAS NOT A SMART KID (TL;DR... I didn't know where the tingles were coming from, I just accepted it)

I was born in 1973. It was in the late 70s that I started to experience the ASMR 'tingles', usually at school. I had no idea what was triggering it, I just knew that it was this wonderful feeling that happened sometimes and I didn't consider the reason or cause. Kids are very good at just accepting the world for what it is. To make my point, here are some things that I actually believed as a small child...

- I had no idea that elevators were meant to go up and down, I thought they always stayed still. I calmly and thoroughly believed that when the elevator doors closed with me and my Mom inside, the world outside the elevator was morphed into something different. I remember standing in an elevator and as the doors closed, I noticed a man standing in the hall just outside. When the doors opened again, an old lady was standing more or less where the man was. I thought the elevator had turned him into the old lady.

- I thought that if I smashed my family's TV screen, the cartoon characters would come out of it and play with me. I remember grabbing my 12 inch Spider-Man doll and hitting the screen over and over as hard as I could, during an episode of Tom & Jerry. Lucky I was not a strong kid and I failed to break the screen.

- I thought that the scuba divers I'd seen on TV were stupid for lugging around those big, heavy tanks on their backs. I thought "If I ever get to go scuba diving, I'm gonna cut the mouth piece off of the tube attached to the tank so I can breathe through that without needing the tank. They're dummies for not thinking of that."

- I once asked my Mom where babies come from. She told me "The man puts a seed inside the woman and that grows into a baby". That afternoon I stole a big box of sunflower seeds from our cupboard and went to the playground. I handed out sunflower seeds to all the girls to eat. I was excited about all the babies I was going to have.

So as you can see, it's no surprise that as a kid, I shrugged and accepted that the tingly sensations just... happened.

DISCOVERING MY TRIGGERS (TL;DR... I discovered that certain things trigger the sensation)

I kept the tingly feeling to myself and never told anyone else. For a lot of my childhood, I thought that I was the only person in the world feeling those tingles. I started to learn what the triggers were and I became more familiar with what caused the sensation.

- At one school I went to, we'd eat our lunches at our desks. As we all sat at our desks, eating out of our paper bags and Scooby-Doo lunchboxes, the girl in front of me happened to be a rather loud chewer. I sat eating my lunch and enjoying a session of tingles.

- At another school, the classroom was very silent as we all focused on an important math test. The girl in the desk next to me was breathing kinda loudly through her nose. This also set off the sensation.

- As a kid, we had a cool button stamp. We'd put the little metal disks into the device and pull the lever, creating a wearable button that showed off whatever picture we put inside. During the Christmas season, I used to draw dozens of colourful Christmas pictures and create tons of buttons. I'd then set up a table near the mall and sell them to people passing by. Many times, I'd get those tingles while watching someone slowly looking over my button display.

- I remember sitting at my desk at school and the boy sitting next to me didn't have a pencil, so he asked if I had one I could lend him. I opened up my pencil case and handed him my extra pencil. As I watched him concentrate on his schoolwork, using my pencil, I started to get the tingly feeling.

YOU MEAN I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE?! (TL;DR... I discovered that another kid also had ASMR)

One of my favourite triggers was a lice check. See, if a kid at school was sent home with lice, they'd get nurses to go from classroom to classroom, carefully checking each kid's hair for lice. They'd gently search through your hair with what appeared to be chopsticks. This was possibly the strongest trigger for me. I secretly loved lice checks. One day, two ladies came into our classroom to do a check. I inwardly cheered. Then suddenly a boy near the front of the class yelled out "Oh boy! I love when they do this! It makes my head feel all tingly!". What?!? No one could tell, but in my mind I was freaking out. What I thought to be something that only I experienced, suddenly became something others can have too. From then on, I looked at the phenomenon very differently. If it happens to others, then there must be a reason for it. Suddenly I was immensely curious about it all. I would have gone and talked to that kid about it, but... I hated him so much. He once asked for a bite of my doughnut and then shoved the whole thing in his mouth, grinning at me. Damn, I hated that kid.

THE INTERNET CHANGED EVERYTHING

Years later, this weird internet thing was suddenly exploding everywhere. I remember being at a friend's house while he showed me a few others, how it worked. We entered the word "vampire" (it was the 90s. Vampires were the most popular thing in the universe) into the pre-Google search engine and gasped as literally DOZENS of websites about vampires popped up! I quickly realised what I could do with something like this! I could type "boobs"! Later I realised that I could finally learn about these weird tingles. That's when I found that searching for info on something that has no name and is nigh impossible to describe, was really hard. I found nothing. Every year or so, I would get curious about the sensation and try another internet search. I don't remember the actual year that I finally found a forum on the subject, but I remember it was the computer set up that I had on 9/11, so it was somewhere around then (no disrespect intended, that was just a time we all remember clearly).

WE CALL IT ASMR PARTLY BECAUSE OF ME. ...SORT OF.

I was excited to jump into a group (I think it was on Yahoo or MSN or something) where I could finally talk to other people about this! We regulars in the group would talk about triggers, theories about why it exists and many, many complaints of trying (and failing) to convince others that this was in no way sexual.

A thread eventually popped up, discussing how this thing needs a name. We started suggesting ideas for what we could call it. I don't remember my suggestions but I'm sure they were awful. The name everyone settled on was... "Brain Orgasm". The new, official name was quickly used by the group. When I discovered that Brain Orgasm had been chosen, I wrote a thread arguing that we really shouldn't use that name. I explained that if we want to convince others that this is not sexual, we really should avoid the word "orgasm" in the title. Everyone agreed and so the naming process started again. This time a lady (I vaguely remember her being a doctor but I might be wrong about that) suggested that we call it "Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response" or ASMR. I immediately hated the name and declared that it was "worse than Brain Orgasm". I argued that it was hard to remember, hard to say and even the initials didn't roll off the tongue. I was sure the name wouldn't stick. But everyone except me loved it and so that became the official name for it. Obviously I was very wrong about the name and I'm glad everyone had the sense to disagree with me.

WHY DOES ASMR EXIST AND WHAT IS IT FOR?

Okay. Remember that while I honestly think I'm right about this and have spent four decades coming to this conclusion, this is just the opinion of one person familiar with the subject matter. As far as I know, there have been no proper studies to back up what I'm about to say.

We've all seen creatures like apes grooming each other, picking bugs, etc out of each other's fur. The ape being groomed always seems to be sitting still and calmly enjoying the attention. For those apes, grooming each other is a great way to keep clean and more likely to avoid diseases or infections. It's also a great way for creatures with simpler communication practices to bond socially. This bond encourages the animals to stick together for safety, share food and even defend each other when attacked. So grooming each other makes sense as an important instinct that would evolve over time. Dogs and cats have a form of this that has developed from our symbiotic relationship. They enjoy being pet or scratched which seems less about grooming and more about creating or strengthening a social bond (though I once found a tick on my dog while I was scratching her belly). Cats even purr, which honestly, if I had to attribute a sound to the feeling of ASMR, purring fits it perfectly.

So it's possible that the ape being groomed or the cat being pet, is feeling some form of ASMR. And it's just as possible that our hunter-gatherer ancestors who groomed each other in similar ways, also felt a kind of ASMR. In a harsh world of survival of the fittest, those who evolve the ability to feel pleasure from it are more likely to gain more benefits from the higher amount of cleanliness and social bounds. Consider what the ASMR sensation encourages the subject to do. Keep still, quiet and not interrupt the person triggering the feeling. Sometimes relaxing enough to fall asleep if the situation warrants it. All these tendencies brought on by ASMR aid the grooming process.

Now let's look at the triggers. If what I'm saying is true, then that explains the ASMR from something like a lice check, but what about those other triggers? They all seem to play a part in the grooming process as well.

- Whispering: The sound of someone whispering suggests physical closeness. The kind of personal space sharing required for ape-like grooming. Look at the ASMR videos on YouTube. They all whisper as close to the microphone as possible, creating a sense of intense closeness. Whispering is only heard if the person doing it is positioned very close to you. So it fits the grooming theory.

- Chewing, breathing and mouth sounds: Like whispering these sounds are almost always heard if the person making them is close to you. During those classroom lice checks, I'd hear the nurse breathing right into my ear, as she was very close. The tiniest movement of her lips or mouth was easily heard. It seems logical to me that as we evolve to adhere to being groomed, we'd respond to the sounds and sensations that would commonly be heard during each grooming.

- Borrowing my pencil or studying the buttons I made: The two important details here are focus and the subject's sense of self. The ape doing the grooming is going to be focused intently on what they're doing and that focus is completely on the subject being groomed. I thought of my pencil as 'mine'. An extension of my person. The same can be said for my buttons. I drew each one of those pictures by hand and so they were very much mine. When the kid focused on his schoolwork and therefore on my pencil or those people quietly studied my little pictures, it triggered the ASMR as if a groomer was focusing intently on me.

I've never been into the YouTube ASMR roleplay videos, but look at the themes used to trigger people's ASMR. Roleplays about someone shaving you, cleaning your ears, doing your hair, etc. Those all point directly at grooming. Every trigger seems to be either a sound that's usually only heard close up, intense focus on the subject, gentle touching or something that mimics a feeling of isolated intimacy.

So to put it bluntly, I believe that ASMR is essentially a largely redundant grooming instinct left over from our times as hunter-gatherers, when grooming was far more important and vital.

-Tarol

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Thunt_Goblins?lang=en

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(anyone is welcome to repost this blog anywhere they like. I only ask that you credit me and include those links. Thank you.)

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