#i have so many feelings about this family

[greyves-under-fire]

God, this. My nanny's disabled and always takes this stuff seriously when her family who also is, is sick, she makes sure everybody knows because it feels important enough to tell them to make sure they care.

But when she told my dad that i had covid pneumonia two months ago, while he's been well aware and passive of my disabilities and how many times covid has immeasurably ruined my body and my life, all he said was that i seemed fine at my niece and nephews birthday party the week before. It didn't matter that i was sick and it must be awful anyway.

Like yeah, of course i put up the mask, but you had to be fucking blind not to see it. Because of course, no one saw it when me crossing the parking lot to help get stuff from the car had me holding back *screams* and panic attacks due to the fact that my muscles made me feel like i was being burnt alive, and i genuinely could. Not. Breathe. It felt like i was breathing glass into my lungs.

And every time i was asked to go get something else or needed to, of course no one saw when i ducked my head to wipe away tears because of how overwhelming it was to have to do it AGAIN. Of course he didn't notice that it took me 5x longer every next time to get to the car, stay there, and come back.

Of course he didn't think about why i would be staring off into space with a tense expression the whole time any more after he asked and i gave a vague answer of pain.

I have such an obvious crying face. it's always blatantly obvious if i have been.

There's no way i looked "fine" i just looked "as usual" which of course, he only assumes is fine, even when he genuinely knows and understands otherwise.

He treats me like it would hurt him too much to think about me being so constantly fucking miserable and broken and hurt, so he chooses to never think of it altogether instead and still pretend he's so much of a better dad than he used to be. Sure, he is. But it's not enough. Like the most ignorant and cruel coping mechanism.

It doesn't matter, that this is the sixth bout of covid I've had, causing irreparable damage to my lungs and immune system, causing a never ending flare up of the most painful and depressing and nightmarish fibro symptoms that have finally caused me to consider a cane. It doesn't matter that i'm only 19, just like it didn't matter to him when i was only 14 or 15 or 16.

He didn't reach out. He didn't check on me. He didn't talk to me about it, and assumed i'd be fine walking a flight of stairs a few weeks later.

They truly think that being used to it means anything. It means nothing. All it means is that i'm in so much pain and discomfort all the time.

There's no easy and simple way of wrapping it into a digestible bow of "yeah but they're sick all the time.(like it's fine for me to be used to it as long as i'm not actively dying.)" it's just an excuse for them not to be inconvenienced by our pain. And i'm always expected to reach out when he gets sick to check on him.

I'm so fucking sick of it.

sorry for the vent.

What a lot of abled people don't understand is that when you get more sick as someone who was already physically disabled/chronically ill, you don't get the sympathy, you don't get people sending you cards and coming to visit and help you with things. Everyone just kind of assumes that you can handle it, that it's not *really* anything new. Maybe people might acknowledge it for a week or two, but then to them it's just normal. You were already sick, so why would being a little more sick be disruptive to you, right?

[allpiesforourown]

Okay here's my Lan Qiren apologist masterpost

"He had Lan Wangji whipped! He's an abuser!"

That was Lan Wangji's punishment for injuring 33 Lan elders while defending a demonic cultivator who caused innumerable deaths in the cultivation community. You need to remember the setting of this story: Madame Yu whipped Wei Ying half to death just because she went "you didn't do anything wrong, your general existence is just mildly annoying to me." Lan Qiren deciding Lan Wangji get one lash for every person he hurt is NOTHING in comparison to the punishment he would have gotten if anyone else was in charge and it was the only way to clear his name.

2. "The Lan sect rules he enforces are too strict."

First of all, Lan Qiren is an old Asian person. I feel like that would be enough to make my point, but I will continue regardless.

The Lans have so many rules because they have extreme self-regulation issues when it comes to their emotions. We've seen Lan Wangji's dad ruin his life by trying to atticwife his lover, but Lan Wangji wasn't any better. If you've read the incense burner extra you know he got his first crush at 15 and his brain immediately went to fantasizing about violently assaulting Wei Ying in the library. Their hundreds of rules are stifling because they're supposed to be. If the Lans don't try to contain themselves they will ruin their lives and the lives of people they care about.

Is "don't talk while you're eating" even that extreme of a household rule? Like every family has some variation of "don't do ____ at the dinner table" and the Lans having their own version is not that insane.

3. "He was against Lan Wangji loving Wei Wuxian."

I need you to spend like. 2 minutes putting yourself in Lan Qiren's shoes.

Imagine you are Lan Qiren. Imagine you find out your brother broke his family apart by forcing his wife to stay with him. Lan Qiren was just a man who was thrust into not only taking care of the Lan clan, one of the biggest cultivation sects you can think of, but also his two traumatized nephews. Imagine cleaning up the mess your brother left you while having to raise two children that aren't yours.

Then you see your nephew, who you have raised like your own son, helplessly pining after the infamous demonic cultivator who has rejected him and teased him. You watch him turn against and injure his own family members to protect a literal criminal.

Then he comes home holding the child of the man he loves and you let him keep that baby and raise him. Because you see yourself in him. You see someone who just lost a loved one who was not a good person but someone you loved regardless. How many times do you think he saw Lan Wangji raising Lan Yuan and remembered himself raising someone else's children because their father was no longer there?

And then after all that Lan Qiren had been through, he didn't even try to keep Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian apart once he found out the truth. When Wei Ying explained how he'd been set up, he was one of the first elders in the cultivation community to give him a chance to explain himself. And after that even if he was cold to Wei Ying, he didn't say shit about the two of them having nasty loud gay sex in gusu every night.

I don't care. Lan Qiren hate will always be forced to me, he did literally nothing wrong and if I was in his shoes I would not have been able to handle it

[pseudophan]

PHANNIE COOKBOOK SIGN-UPS!!

Do you have a really good recipe you think Dan and Phil would enjoy? Consider submitting it to this collaborative phannie cookbook that will be given to DnP at a meet & greet! It will also be available to everyone to download as a PDF.

Family recipes or your favourite dish from your country/culture is a bonus, but it doesn’t have to be that personal. All I ask is that you don’t go rip something random off the Internet right now just to be in the book, I want food you genuinely enjoy!

I’ve decided the most efficient way of doing this is to let you submit up to 3 different options, that way if there are any repeats (and I’m certain there will be) I won’t have to message everyone it concerns to ask if you have any alternatives. Besides, that way I can choose which version gets in based on your other options rather than which one “sounds better” to me, cause I think that would be a little unfair. I also have no idea how many people will actually participate in this yet, which is currently the biggest hurdle in terms of planning. If only a few sign up there is a chance we’ll end up using multiple recipes by some, and if somehow we get too many I’ll have to pick and choose. I do really want to include as many people as possible, but until I actually see the recipes it’s hard to tell what will end up happening.

The main focus of this will be actual food, but we obviously need to include a few desserts, so feel free to submit those as well just be aware the chances of those getting picked might be lower. The same goes for soups, I assume a lot of people have soup recipes and we might include a couple, but for obvious reasons it's a low priority.

Some key things to keep in mind:

Phil is a bit picky and has some dietary restrictions! He shouldn’t have dairy or chocolate and he doesn’t like cheese or mushrooms, among other things. That doesn’t mean you have to avoid these things entirely, but maybe your grandma’s mac and cheese recipe isn’t the best choice

While neither of them is vegan they do eat a lot of vegan food, so we definitely need some vegan dishes. I also think it would be really great if you suggested vegetarian and/or vegan substitutions you know work well with your recipe! That isn’t a must for every dish, but it’s a nice addition where possible

Tragically, Dan and Phil are British, meaning they won’t necessarily have access to all the same ingredients as you. Luckily they are also rich and live in a major city with a lot of options so they aren’t limited to what they can find at their local Tesco, but since the aim of this book is to encourage them to cook we probably shouldn’t be sending them on a scavenger hunt either. I don’t think this will be a huge issue, but if your recipe calls for something you think might be very niche or local to you it might be worth googling it or asking around

The final book will be using UK measurements, but if your recipe doesn’t then don’t even worry about it for now. We’ll get to that later. You also don’t have to worry about typing out the whole step-by-step in detail in the sign-up form, I just need a list of the ingredients and roughly how to prepare it to gauge whether it’s a good fit.

I promise I’m almost done yapping but lastly, about some of the questions on the form - you don’t need to know exactly how long the dish takes to prepare, that will depend on the person or people making it anyway, but we do need a rough estimate. The difficulty level is obviously quite subjective, but I just want to hear how you personally would rank it, and if there is a specific part of the process you think someone who doesn’t cook a lot might struggle with. As for the last question about photos, I’m asking both if you have the time and opportunity to make the food and if you are able to take a good photo of it. Obviously it doesn’t have to be anything professional, a phone camera is fine, it just needs to be well lit and decent quality.

Okay, I think that’s everything-

Here's the sign-up form

The deadline is in a week, at midnight Thursday to Friday CET :)

(I also made a blog for this @phookbook for information and updates! A lot of it will probably still be on this blog, but I'll try to post/reblog the most important things on there for those who want to keep up with everything but who may not want to deal with all the chaos of pseudophan)

[inkskinned]

i haven't been back to CT since the accident.

which is to say I hate driving in CT, every time i have to go through it to get to NYC i spend the whole time holding my breath and hoping nobody acts stupid. there are exactly 2 things in CT worth preserving: rein's deli and the mystic seaport museum - and that second one only because my grandpa loved that shit.

now, i am not particularly familiar with the specifics but it just feels like CT is not an appropriate place for a christmas tree farm. when i got The Call, Roger on the other line called it "your standard CTF" and i had to say my what and he said "you've never heard that? CTF? christmas tree farm? CTF? - or haha, if you're woke, maybe holiday farm? haha".

i hung up after that for like 12 minutes just to take a deep breath and do a 10-minute meditation so i don't peak my blood pressure. and then i said sorry my phone died and ignored him talking while i googled. oregon has the highest number of CTFs per state. most firs and standard christmas trees are in zones 4-7 and CT is mostly a 6 state, so actually maybe i was just being biased against CT when i assumed you simply can't grow the spirit of christmas down there.

i like the name balsam fir and i keep repeating it to myself. i didn't know there were so many species of christmas trees. meanwhile Roger is still talking a mile a minute. "you don't gotta come in with force but really stick it to 'em. that's what Kevin and Herb taught me - none of that nice-guy stuff, okay? we're talking quick-and-easy. get in, hand 'em the folder, get out. it's efficiency that's the matter here."

i tune him out and then eventually get the pleasure of hanging up.

I only really work for this stupid place because i need insurance for my fucking laundry list of chronic "hysterical woman" issues (EDS, POTS, PCOS. probably something else with a fun acronym, why not). i fucking hate it here, except that it's actually been, like... fine? since the top 6 account managers kind of (i guess) disappeared - including my 2 bosses, Kevin and Herb.

most of us are just like, still doing our job. we still have meetings. there's less weird jokes. the meetings are much shorter. we just present our stuff and go home. so imagine how i fucking feel getting in my stupid honda civic and driving the 3 hours down from boston to bum-fuck just to... check on the boys.

i grew up on a farm, so im not too surprised when the road suddenly turns from "gravel" to "makeshift" to "shut the gps off, it's just confused at this point." no worries. a guy in a torn flannel drew a picture for me at the last gas station. he had leaned over and sniffed a little while sipping his Dunks. they got good trees.

they do. after a little white picket fence, suddenly the entire road is swarmed by them. firs on all sides like a coat. red twine marks off alleys of pine; cute little bows shine on the top of many. bells and white plastic deer and each branch dusted with glittering pristine snow. ornaments and little santas peeking out of present boxes.

i lean over the steering wheel and glance upwards. "aw shit. it's fucking cute here." in my passenger's seat, TERMINATION OF ACCOUNT is a red folder. i don't feel fucking good about this. i don't want to fucking do this. there's a freaking hand-painted sign saying family-owned! with handprints on it and tiny little names scrawled under it. jesus christ(mas). i'm 1000% going to hell for doing this.

on the other hand, Jen was one of the 6. like, losing the men was fine. but it is weird that jen never came back last month. i'm like, too feminist to feel okay with that. obviously yes quit your job and walk out but like - she had a life before she left. apartment and everything it sounds like.

i give up trying to bump my car over the potholes and end up walking the last 1.2 miles. it's been getting warmer these years, which i hate - but it's a lot colder here than i expected. the weather app said 54F. it feels maybe 21. the smell of snow warns me before i glance upwards - sure enough, decadent fresh flakes come tumbling down.

aw fuck. if it was gonna snow i should have put my windshield wipers up. i nestle closer into my jacket and pointlessly check my out-of-service phone for the 125th time. i realize only now i fucking forgot the folder in the fucking car.

the little house-barn-store is too close and i'm too cold at this point, so fine. the whole thing is covered in warm white lights and cute decorations. old christmas music is coming out of speakers placed at the end of the tree aisles.

i practice what i'm going to say. hi. i'm with Herrington Asset Management. we have sent, like. a lot of representatives. what did you do with the 6 entire human beings that came down here.

wait, why am i just now realizing our acronym is HAM? okay, so i'm going to say -

a man with a bright smile and a red flannel comes out from behind a work shed, wiping his hands on a rag. he's pretty, the way men can be pretty sometimes: rugged and approachable, blue eyes, 5'oclock shadow. he fills out that flannel well. "didn't hear ya come in, my apologies! what can i do ya for?"

i'm with HAM and I'm here to shut down your CTF. "hi."

"hi." he smiles wider. "welcome."

"um..." i sniff a little, feeling stupid. i keep thinking about my parents and how fucking hard it actually is to keep a farm. like, they say it a lot in movies, but it's genuinely like really very hard. fucking A, man. I don't want to do this.

he squints at me. "you from around here?"

i try not to bristle - is that because i'm fucking hispanic and allowed outdoors in CT - and suck in a breath. "no, i, um..." i decide to tell the truth. "a guy at cumby's told me where to find ya."

he laughs, and the sound is a sonic boom in the stillness. "that'd be Ron. he's a looker, huh? no, i recognize all our regulars, is all. don't recognize you."

HAM is located in Jersey and i work remote, so i take a second pass at radical honesty. my yoga teacher would be so proud. "i'm from boston, actually. just swinging through."

"oh? for real? laurel's from boston - she's my fiancée. how 'bout that. small world. can you believe - she left the big city for a dunce like me and now i get to marry the best lady around."

i do the little appropriate chuckle you are supposed to do when someone you don't know is also from the same major metropolitan area that you are from. also, that's extremely sweet to say about his partner. i am a sucker for wife-guys. "no kidding?"

"how are you liking conneticut? it's beautiful this time of year."

"it's..." fine? "more snow than i expected. weather said clear through 'til like thursday."

he offers me a warm hand. "i'm nick. what brings ya down here?"

i can't remember the name on the account. maybe it's in her name. and didn't i just say i was passing through? i flash him a smile while i think of the easiest way to warm him into the idea of shutting down his personal business. fuck. "um, just had some stuff to handle."

"that time of year, huh?" at my noncommittal smile, he waves a big, meaty paw. "come inside, i'll getcha some hot chocolate. laurel just made cookies."

he leads me into the store part of the building, and i stop for a second to pick up a tiny ornament shaped like a cottage. okay, this shit really is very cute.

"christmas really is the best holiday of all of 'em," he sighs. "wouldn't you agree?"

no, that's halloween. "sure," i say. i hold up the ornament. "this is nice." i glance around. "this is all... very rustic."

"sometimes you gotta just hit the brakes and slow down. this town is so perfect for that. places like this are so rare, ya know?"

oh i really fucking hope he doesn't know i'm from HAM. literally that would be such a vibe killer. "very rare," i agree.

i follow him into the back. i pause at the green velvet-rope stanchion that blocks off a hallway presumably leading into the "house" portion of the building. "oh. i can stay out here...?" because i am not going into this man's house. alone.

"don't be silly." he wraps his arm around mine like a gentleman and i almost scratch his damn eyes out, except i'm genuinely so fucking shocked by the boldness of the action that i just sort of follow him down the hallway. "i won't letcha leave without a cookie."

he walks me into a simply stunning kitchen. the ceiling skyrockets into a beautiful, tinseled roof. the living room folds out to the left of the kitchen island. a fire is roaring, and a massive christmas tree winks cheerily at me. outside the huge windows, the snow peacefully rests in perfect layers.

well, there's part of their money problems. they need better insulation because paying for heat in a building with this many windows has got to cost an arm and a leg. nevermind how much dust must collect on those exposed beams. why do people design houses like this - have they never cleaned?

also, they need to stop spending half their budget on christmas decorations. surely not every surface needs to be frosted with pottery barn items. it is dangerously close to a modernized cracker barrel in here. i wander into the living room, trying not to be jealous of the casual wealth.

nick stands next to me and chuckles. "this kinda weather always makes me want cookies. but that's what laurel's here for, i guess."

"you have a pretty place," i say, because i am clearly staring.

"oh, i don't know. needed a woman's touch." he winks at me and goes behind the granite kitchen island to wash his hands. "you shoulda seen it before laurel."

"oh yeah?"

he nods. "had some money troubles. 'course, she is an angel and organized a whole fundraiser. mind you - she's only been here but a second when she does. i proposed to her right then and there."

i can't help it. i genuinely fucking love that. "that is incredible," i say. "how precious to find love like that."

"she's my answer to all life's problems. truly."

"honey?" a warm voice greets us and a lady comes around the corner, one hand in an oven mitt. "do we have a customer?"

i stop moving.

her hair is darker now. her smile is wider. something opens a pit in my stomach and i fall through myself. i put my hand on my stupid useless phone and take a step backwards.

"oh!" her white teeth shine. "hi there. you're not from around here, are you?" she picks up a tray of cookies. "i recognize all our regulars."

the man laughs. "rob is tellin' on us again." she laughs too, tinkly and high and beautiful.

of course she doesn't recognize me, we're remote and don't work on the same accounts, i was never high up enough -

nick gives her a little slap on the back that makes her stumble. she laughs and wipes a little bit of flour on his nose affectionately.

maybe i'm not being fair. she could have legitimately found love and dropped out of our shitty job. he wraps his arms all the way around her and buries his nose in her hair. "my girl," he says.

"i'm laurel," she smiles at me. "i'm his fiancee. come inside, let me getcha some hot chocolate."

he picks up a cookie from the counter and waves at me. "i'm gonna go whack on a tractor for a few minutes, but i'll leave you in the capable hands of my beautiful christmas girl," he promises. "warm up, and then let's go back out there and pick you out something nice."

i force a smile at him and at her and watch him leave. i do not move. i stay perfectly still, like an animal. because here's the thing: her name isn't laurel.

maybe she's conning him?

i stare at her. she doesn't seem to notice, instead taking a bag of white icing out of the large, beautiful fridge. "how are you liking conneticut? isn't it beautiful this time of year?"

"jen, what the fuck is happening."

she arranges a single gingerbread man on her countertop and starts icing him. "how are you liking conneticut?" she repeats. "isn't it -"

"it's beautiful this time of year," i say.

"christmas is the best holiday of all," she sighs, "wouldn't you agree?"

"sure," i say. i put the phone in my pocket. i stand up straighter. "i am really just..." going to leave now. maybe i should try subtlety. "don't i know you from somewhere?" like, ya know, work?

the cookie is too hot and the icing is melting as she draws the outlines on the gingerbread. a bead of sweat trickles down her nose. "i'm from the big city," she says. "but now i am going to be married to the best man around. i'm his beautiful christmas girl."

"right, but which big city?"

"i'm from the big city. how are you liking conneticut?"

there is ice in my gut. i am getting the pure, foreboding sense of fuck that which i am pretty sure is genetically engineered in me. in spanish we call it espookies. i try to make it look casual while i walk closer and closer to the exit. i pretend to look at the decorations closely. "i'm just wondering because your partner said you're from boston?"

she laughs. the cookie icing is pooling on the counter. "sometimes you gotta just hit the brakes and slow down. this town is so perfect for that. places like this are so rare, wouldn't you agree?" she pushes the gingerbread to the side and starts working on the next one.

it's hot in here, i realize. too-hot. sweat licks down my back. i watch it slide down her neck, down her arms.

she outlines a melting gingerbread man. "what brings you down here?"

"i had..." i feel my voice crack. the hallway back into the store is within a few steps at this point. "...some stuff to handle."

"that t-"

"that time of year," i finish for her.

she stares at me. the icing has burst out of the bag and is melting down her wrists and over her apron. "doesn't this weather make you want cookies?"

i put one heel into the hallway, trying to back up as subtly as possible.

she looks up at me. icing melts over the counter. "doesn't the weather make you want cookies?"

i'm so close to making a bolt for it. but when i look at her and the icing and her perfectly applied lipstick i just fucking can't. my heart breaks for her. i need to at least fucking try.

"jen - laurel - whatever," i hiss. "i don't know what fucking happened but - we need to fucking leave." i glance behind me. "jen, this isn't fucking okay. whatever he's doing to you - we can get out of here. call the cops. something."

"it's beautiful this time of year."

"jen. come on girl, i will put you in my fucking car. but we got to go. i don't know if it's like a cult thing or -" i hork down a breath and feel dangerously close to crying. "please."

"doesn't the weather make you want cookies? that's what i'm here for!"

i take another step backwards and a hand comes down on my shoulder. when i jump, nick is back, and laughing.

"sorry about that." tucked under one arm is a huge ax. nick wipes his hands on a rag. "low on oil. you get a cookie from the missus? that's what she's -"

"balsam fir," i blurt. "i'm looking for a balsam fir."

he puts the axe over one shoulder. "oh? i love balsam. good choice. didn't expect a city slicker like you to know much about christmas trees." he lets out a laugh and so does she.

sweat is beading down my back. "i grew up on a farm," i feel my voice come out creaky and high.

he laughs again. "when you came in, i thought - this lady is corporate. you know how we take to that."

"money troubles," jen says from the kitchen. "we had money troubles."

my lips feel dry. i manage to slide by him, closer to the store. i force a watery smile. "oh. no, sir."

"they come in with a folder, talking about our CTF. i said i've been doing this for years."

my heart is slamming against my chest. i take another step down the hallway. i throw a look to jen.

she opens the oven and sticks her head inside.

"you know," nick says. "the firs are out by where you left your car."

i didn't tell him where i left my car. "oh, great." i say. "must be a sign." i take another step. and then another. i feel the weight of the velvet rope behind me and jump a second time.

"from the big city" jen says, her voice muffled by the oven. "how are you liking conneticut? this place needed a woman's touch."

at the other end of the long hallway, Nick swings the axe to come home in his hands. "it needs a woman's touch," he says.

yeah, absofuckinglutely not.

i turn and bolt, wiggling past the rope, stumbling into the many, many ornament displays. above me, white christmas rings out while i run-walk through wreaths and bobbles and reindeer. tears prick at the side of my eyes but being raised on a farm teaches you the professional art of being incredibly good at a panicked run-walk.

behind me, i hear nick pacing the store. the rope must have slowed him down. he's bigger than i am - he doesn't weave through things as easily. thank god.

i throw myself against the front doors and burst out into the chill and immediately feel a cough in my chest. the snow whips through the air. i dash past handmade right this way to holiday cheer! signs and tinsel. behind me, like a ghost, nick stomps his way ever-closer. i dart into the thickest part of the trees, hoping he will lose me in the snow and branches.

"you're from boston, right?" he shouts. "my ex was from boston. small world."

i dart across the wet snow and almost slide on the black ice underfoot. fuck fuck fuck fuck i cannot run a fucking mile in the cold. see above multiple chronic reasons for this. my bones and joints are already fucking hurting as i try to shimmy my way through the boughs, alternatively running and hiding. if i survive this, i wont be able to move for like a week.

if. good fucking lord. if.

"it's a nice place," he calls. i can't locate him in the whip of the snow. "it just needs a woman's touch."

thankfuckinggod im used to snow and blizzards because otherwise i would be utterly fucked. i try to keep any amount of calm in my body while i manage the slide-waddle of running on black ice - the backwards lean and body-tilt that i've practiced many times over farmland. the kind of tilt-run that is only possible if you've done it before. thankfuckinggod i'm not a city slicker - the trick isn't to rush.

but fuck it would be nice to rush right now!

over the speakers, white christmas restarts. i fork my keys through my fingers into a sharpened fist. i pause only for a second to pick up a particularly swingable gnome and then i keep fucking running. my chest feels like liquid fire. i can't stop coughing. christmas trees rise up on all sides of me. i can't get a breath down. the air feels like a fire hose. every step i take fucking echoes. go go go go go go.

i dart, he laughs, i freeze. i dash my way forwards. a branch cuts into my cheek. my nose is full of the smell of pine. my hands are sticky with sap and i'm covered in green needles.

i keep going. if i fucking die on a christmas tree farm i hope i poison all of the trees and end christmas. i run and hide and run and hide. i have no idea where that fucker is but i am not going to be caught relaxing for a moment.

my knee makes a particularly sharp turn and i know for a fact i've just done some serious damage. i slap my hand down onto it and hide inside the branches a particularly thick tree, trying to catch my breath for a second.

a family owned! sign winks up at me. the little handprints are the names of children, but the big ones say Steve and Piper. the date on it is from this year.

i simply do not have the time to care about that. i shiver through several calming breaths, trying to force my body back into running. i stumble into a clearing and recognize it as the road i took in.

something loud and banging starts and i know in my bones it's the sounds of a tractor starting up.

my heart drops and i seriously think about just laying down on the ground and letting him run me over.

except there is my car, blanketed peacefully in a white layer. i should have put the fucking windshield wipers up.

what-the-fuck-ever. my hands are shaking too much. i just need to get inside the fucking thing and go. i will ruin my suspension but i will take every pothole dead on if i must.

the tractor lights slice through the blizzard, heading right towards my car. it bounces jovially over the snow and potholes, unhindered.

nick is on the back of it, swinging his axe, laughing.

over the hum of his engine he calls: "how are you liking conneticut?"

Sending my most reliable corporate staffer to Connecticut to shut down a Christmas tree farm. Wish me luck

[the-lying-heavens]

"Pick One Moment"

[Spencer Reid x fem!reader]

Masterlist

Summary: A rough case in Dayton, Ohio brings unexpected emotions to the surface for you, forcing you to confront feelings you'd been hiding for years—feelings for Spencer Reid.

Warnings: Fluff, angst, moment of awkwardness

Word Count: 2.0k words

A/N: just based on the lyric 'And then I go and spoil it all by saying something stupid like I love you...I love you' from the song Something Stupid by Frank Sinatra because it's been stuck in my head. I've been planning to write Spence for a while but I've been intimidated.

Staying professional in Dayton, Ohio proved to be a challenge.

It had been a rough case, but what case wasn't, right? Just have to wrap this one up and you can go back to your house and dog.

Okay, fine, this wasn't like most cases at all, not to you anyway. This one had hit particularly close to home. And you didn't like that one bit.

This made you more short-tempered than usual, even snapping at a witness. After a lengthy lecture from Hotch, I mean from the look on his face you would think you had insulted him, he had 'benched' you by having you go through old files that might be related to the UnSub.

Hey, at least you got to do it with Spencer.

After working with him for so many years, you grew quite fond of him. Too fond maybe.

You stared at him going through files with a speed that should not have been human. 20,000 words at a minute, and you thought you were a fast reader.

"Got anything yet, Boy Genius?" you asked, flipping the page of your own file.

He looked up at you. God those eyes...

"No. This one isn't even related to it." he dropped the file on the table.

"Didn't you read the entire thing?"

"Yes," he replied, "It was interesting."

"You find everything interesting."

"Not true," he protested.

You rubbed your eyes, sighing. "Sure, Spence."

He tilted his head at you, a look of concern on his face. Adorable.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

You considered lying, you had been doing that the entire time you had arrived in Dayton after all, but decided against it. "Not really."

"Is it about your family? I thought this case might bring up some bad memories."

You couldn't help but smile at how quickly he had gotten it. "Yeah, something like that."

"Can I help?"

"Can you make memories go poof?"

He actually seemed to ponder it. "No. I'm not sure why you would want to."

"You never wish that you could just forget the bad stuff?" You knew what he had been through, you had seen quite a bit of it.

His brows furrowed. "I don't like the idea of forgetting anything. I mean, Mom forgets enough so I remember for her too."

You realized your mistake and winced. "Spence... God, sorry."

"It's okay," he reassured you. "You're remembering a dark time in your life, it can be overwhelming. Also explains you snapping at the witness, with your nerves on edge."

"Yeah?" You grinned. "It was going to be Morgan but the asshole left before I could. So collateral damage."

He laughed. "He's outside if you want to insult him now. I don't want to be collateral damage too."

"You? Never."

"Never?"

"Never," you repeated.

Oh, how you loved his lopsided grins. "Thank you."

"Always." If you could pick one moment to live in forever, it probably would've been that one.

Minus JJ coming through the door right then. "We got something."

You wanted to throw a file at her. Instead, you get up with a heavy sigh. The sooner you get this done the better, you had to remember that.

~~~

The BAU was heading back to Washington tomorrow, so you could leave this far far behind. Finally. This case taking up two weeks of your life was enough.

You sat at a cafe next to the hotel where you were staying. It was a cozy little place with a mostly brown interior and warm lighting. The scent of freshly brewed coffee and warm pastries filled the air.

You sipped your drink, feeling the cup's warmth in your hands. You had been coming here for the past few days and you had to admit, you would miss this place.

Just then, the door opened, and in walked someone you recognized, glancing around the room before spotting you. With a smile, Spencer made his way over, pulling out a chair across from you.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked.

You smiled back, gesturing to the seat. "Not at all."

He sat down and looked around. "So this is where you disappear to?"

You hummed in confirmation. "it's a nice place to think."

He stared at you for a while before nodding thoughtfully.

"What?" you sipped your coffee.

"Just... Are you feeling better?"

You shrugged. "Yeah, UnSubs behind bars. What more could I want?"

"Closure," he replied quietly.

You pressed your lips together tightly. "It's fine Spence. I'm alright with it."

"I don't think you are."

"Spencer," you said, a hint of warning in your voice, "You want to help, I get it. But not with this. Okay?"

It was an unspoken thing, the way Spencer always seemed to know when you needed space and when you needed someone to push just a little. He respected your boundaries, but there were moments—like this one—when his concern slipped through the cracks.

He sat across from you in that quiet cafe, watching you. You couldn’t tell if he was waiting for you to speak or if he was just giving you the time to process, as he always did.

It had been a rough case, yes, but that wasn’t why you were still here, staring into your coffee like it held all the answers.

Your eyes flickered up to meet his. He was still staring at you, quietly, as if he could see past your walls.

"Spence," you said, your voice quieter than you intended, "I’m fine. Really."

He didn’t respond immediately. His hand rested on the edge of the table, and you could see him fiddling with his fingers. That subtle nervousness he only ever seemed to show when he wasn’t sure what to say, but he knew he needed to say something.

"I don't believe you," he murmured, his voice soft but insistent. “I’ve seen you too many times to believe that everything’s okay, especially when it’s not. You’ve been holding it in, and I know that—"

"Spencer—" you started, but you were too late. He was already talking over you, his voice getting faster.

"Please. I just want to make sure you're alright, okay?" He sighed, his eyes briefly darting away before looking back at you. “I just... I care about you."

Everything felt very... loud. Too loud.

He looked at you expectantly, almost uncertain. Maybe, just maybe, he was waiting for you to make the first move.

You cleared your throat. God, you really hated moments like this, when everything inside you seemed to tremble at the prospect of just being honest.

His hand shifted on the table, and before you could stop it, you had reached out to touch his fingers. It was the smallest of gestures—barely noticeable—but it was enough.

For a long moment, you simply looked at each other, the conversation hanging in the air. There was so much unspoken between you, so much left unsaid. Maybe that was the problem.

Before you could stop yourself, the words spilled out of you, quicker than you could catch them. "I love you."

Spencer's face went completely still, his eyes wide as he processed your confession.

You had not meant to say that. You didn’t. It was an accident. You weren’t ready. You weren’t ready to put that kind of pressure on this, on him, on whatever this was.

But the words had slipped out anyway. You stared at him, feeling the heat rise in your face, hoping the ground would swallow you up.

"Sorry-God, I'm sorry," you quickly got up and rushed out of the cafe.

He just sits there. Frozen.

If you could pick one moment to rewind, it would be this one.

Oh, you fucked up big time.

~~~

You had never been more ready to get home, but unfortunately, there was an hour and thirty minutes on the private plane. With him.

Usually, you would spend an entire flight, after a case well done, talking to Spence. But after yesterday? But not this time. Maybe not ever.

You could feel Spencer’s presence beside you, but he was quiet. So quiet. Not the usual playful banter, no sudden bursts of random trivia or observations. It was almost like he was giving you space... or maybe he was just too uncomfortable to say anything.

Your eyes flickered to him once, twice, each time hoping for some indication of what he was thinking. He was staring out the window, a far-off look in his eyes, his fingers curled loosely around a book in his lap. For a moment, you almost felt the pull to apologize again, but the last thing you wanted to do was make him feel obligated to comfort you. You had put your foot in it already. Now, it was time to ride this out and pray it didn't become permanently awkward.

But Spencer, as always, was unpredictable.

"You don’t have to apologize," he said, his voice quiet, but it still carried across the cabin, cutting through the engine's hum.

You stiffened, eyes fixed on your lap. Had you been that obvious?

"I wasn’t going to," you said, a little too defensively.

He didn’t respond right away. You could feel him looking at you, the weight of his gaze making you want to curl into yourself.

“You know I care about you, right?” He said it so gently, like he wasn’t sure how you were going to take it.

You felt your chest tighten. Care about you. Those words. He was still speaking, still looking at you, but it was hard to focus on his words because everything was spinning around that one sentence.

"I do," you replied. You had to stop yourself from saying more—there was more you wanted to say, needed to say—but you couldn’t. Not yet. Not until you figured out where your head was at, where you both were at.

Spencer shifted in his seat. He didn’t look hurt, but there was something in the way he held himself. Maybe he was just holding back, afraid to push too hard, afraid of what that push might break.

You finally took a breath and turned to face him. He was still watching you, his expression a mix of concern and... something else. It was the something else that had you questioning everything.

"You don’t have to say anything," you added quickly, "I just...said something stupid. I didn’t mean to make things weird."

Spencer didn’t break his gaze, but a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. Not his usual goofy grin, but something softer. More real. Something... intimate.

"It’s not weird," he said, his voice still quiet, "You’re not the only one who gets nervous around here, you know."

You blinked at him, genuinely confused. "What do you mean?"

His smile flickered, a small laugh escaping him before he adjusted his posture and leaned back in his seat. He seemed less tense, more at ease, "I’m just saying... I’ve had my own share of... feelings. I just didn’t know how to... deal with them."

Your breath caught in your throat. Spencer had feelings? For you?

The question hovered between you like an unspoken truth, but it seemed too risky to ask outright. Instead, you glanced down at your hands, the heat rising in your face.

And then, finally, you said something else, the words coming out quieter than you intended: "Do you think... we can just... forget it happened?"

You almost expected him to shrug it off, to offer a playful remark about how awkward it was or how maybe you'd both laugh about it someday. But he didn’t do that.

"No," he said softly. "I think maybe... we should talk about it. When we’re ready."

Your heart fluttered. Was this... was this him telling you he was ready? That maybe he wanted to figure it out too? Or was this Spencer, as usual, just giving you a window to process everything at your own pace?

You weren’t sure. You weren’t sure of anything. But you couldn’t deny the weight of his words, the connection that had always been there and that seemed to grow stronger the more time you spent together.

"I’m not great at talking about feelings," you admitted, looking over at him sheepishly.

Spencer chuckled softly, a breath of amusement. "Yeah, I’ve noticed."

You gave him a sidelong glance, your lips twitching into a reluctant grin. “Smartass.”

"Hey, you started it," he teased, finally breaking the tension just a little. "And I’ll finish it. But not right now. I think... we both need time to think."

You nodded slowly. He was right. You both needed time. The last thing either of you needed was to make rash decisions while emotions were still running high.

"You’re not mad?" You asked it before you could stop yourself, the doubt creeping in.

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Spencer’s face was open and sincere.

"I don’t know. I just..." You didn’t finish your sentence. What was there to say? How could you explain the mess of emotions you were still trying to sort out?

He reached out across the seat, almost as if he was testing the waters, and placed a hand gently on yours. The touch was brief, but it sent a spark of warmth through you.

"I’m not mad," he said again, more firmly this time. "Not for that."

You were both quiet for the rest of the flight, but the silence between you felt different—more like an understanding, like a promise that when the time was right, you’d figure it out together.

It wasn't the one moment you would pick to stay in forever, but it was a moment you didn't mind being in for the rest of the flight.

[love-takes-work]

Streamily.com Presents: The Steven Universe Cast Reunion Q&A Part 1

Here's a complete overview of the Q&A that was put on by Streamily, hosted by Elijah ("Not-So-Average Fangirl"), featuring Rebecca Sugar as the showrunner/creator, Deedee Magno Hall as Pearl, Lo (formerly known as Charlyne Yi) as Ruby, Estelle as Garnet, Susan Egan as Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond, Tom Scharpling as Greg Universe, Michaela Dietz as Amethyst/Famesthyst, and Larissa Gallagher as Bluebird Azurite. Read below to find out about a secret scrapped episode, Rebecca's comment on how to look at Rose Quartz, and lots of hilarious commentary from the cast about the experience of voicing characters on Steven Universe.

When the stream opened, everyone did their introductions:

Rebecca said they created the show.

Deedee said she played Pear. LOL, then said Pearl.

Lo said they played Ruby.

Susan said I play Rose . . . (with a cringe) and Pink.

Tom said "I was Greg, and I still am Greg, I guess."

Michaela: "Famethyst for life baby!"

Larissa played Bluebird, and a little bit like the character, she pops up when you don't expect it!

Estelle was not on the call at the very beginning but joined shortly after the questions began.

Here are the questions and the participants' answers!

Q: There were so many messages in SU. Which one do you hope viewers keep with them the most?

A (Rebecca): Rebecca learned to trust themself in being the authority about who they are. They were a bit rocky on this issue when the show began in their twenties, and learned they needed to be true to the art they made. That was reflected in the characters too. They hope people watching will learn to trust in themselves too, in the face of other people trying to tell you who you are.

Q: For Deedee Magno Hall: Pearl grew and changed in the show. How did it feel playing her in the first few episodes vs. the last few?

A (Deedee): There was no way for Deedee to know Pearl's journey when she started voicing her. She relied on Rebecca and the Crew to learn how to voice Pearl. The group had been talking about the pilot before they jumped onto the call, and Deedee says if she had listened side by side to what Pearl sounded like in the Pilot and what she ended up sounding like at the end, Pearl (along with character growth), vocally got exaggerated--it was Deedee's voice but really "went there"! Pearl felt so many feels. Deedee hopes she executed it well direction-wise. What a blast to play Pearl! And to see the growth in her character! It was fun and a challenge, and Deedee was grateful!

Q: For Michaela Dietz: Amethyst is silly and chaotic usually--what did Michaela pull from for the more emotional and serious moments?

A (Michaela): Many of the more emotional moments are about figuring out origins (the Kindergarten, etc.). Michaela is a transracial / transnational adoptee, so she pulled from that and was looking for her birth family while they were recording the Kindergarten episode. That was an easy well to tap. The growth that Amethyst had over the course of the series and movie and Future, Michaela feels like it parallels her relationship with the other actors and their characters. She's grateful to have made so many friends and is so happy to have learned so much from Rebecca (she joked about calling Rebecca "Reba").

Q: Question for all: If you could hang out with your character for one day, what would you do?

A (Rebecca): Steven is based on their brother, so they would love to spend time with Steven. It was challenging through Covid to not spend time with Steven. They always make time for Steven. They love spending time with people who played the characters! They never got to have a wrap party because of Covid! They were together for 8 years and they still want to have a belated wrap party. They would also love to spend time with Ruby (the self-insert character) and they love spending time with Lo too. Then they said "I need to be stopped because I'll go through every person."

Announcement: Estelle just joined!

Belatedly, the mod asks Estelle's question: Garnet is such an iconic character. Did Estelle know she was a Fusion from the beginning?

A (Estelle): No. She was the big grown Gem who took care of the others. She found out in real time with the cast when she did the recording. She was surprised by the lines in real time and had to calm herself down to record each line. She felt it was an honor.

Back to the "all: question of what each would do if they could hang out with their character.

A (Deedee), misunderstanding the question: If she could hang out with characters, would do tae bo with Garnet, get french fries with Steven, and have a karaoke and dance party with Amethyst.

A (Lo): When they were in kindergarten they would spit all over a tree and try to cover it with their spit. If they hung out with Ruby, they would ask for Ruby's help spitting on trees. There would be lots of hugging, punching pillows, etc. The moderator Elijah thinks fan artists will have fun with that.

A (Estelle): If she hung out with Garnet, she would ask Garnet to give her all the future information. She would want to borrow her "future vision goggles" too and want to know the future.

A (Tom): He would just drive around with Greg and listen to records. Go eat more. And end up going bowling.

A (Michaela): She would eat trash with Amethyst (and also some quality food?). They would mess around the San Gabriel Valley, get meal after meal, maybe buy an illegal turtle? No, that's not funny. They might hit up Ruby and spit on trees. Take in some underground wrestling. Amethyst is very intensely chill, and Michaela thinks they could do a great many things together.

A (Larissa): Going from intensely chill to intensely chaotic. She wants to bring it down from chaos and go ride Lion on the beach, with Bluebird carrying swords.

A (Susan): She wants to go into Rose's room to unpack. Pearl would need to be with her to Marie Kondo the situation. Then she would throw on a Universe shirt and hit music festivals.

Deedee realizes she misunderstood the question and wants to add: if she hung out with Pearl they would do laundry and some spring, summer, winter, and fall cleaning. Definitely Marie Kondo-ing the whole universe together.

Q for Susan Egan: Rose turned out to be a very complex character. As the story progressed and more about her was revealed, did Susan's approach to voicing her change?

A (Susan): She can't sing the praises of Rebecca enough: Susan didn't know at all what Rose's deal was. She got some hate comments when it was revealed that she was Pink, and she LOVED that because it meant the fans were invested. She was as shocked as everyone else. Pink was aging in reverse; Rose was wise and flawed, and then Susan would be voicing Pink and had to be petulant and immature, and she's thankful for Rebecca's direction in getting that right.

Q for Lo: Ruby is adorable. We got to meet so many versions of her. Other than Garnet's Ruby, which Ruby was Lo's favorite to play, and why?

A (Lo): They loved playing Navy. They got to be hammy. They ask if you know how when you order stuff at the drive-thru and you become that? They don't know why. It felt good. While voicing Ruby, they got to get in touch with how angry they were. Being seen as an Asian woman, it was nice to have a spot to channel that anger, and being Navy is like making fun of who you have to become when you're a people-pleaser. "I LOVE DIRT!"

Q for Tom Scharpling: Greg is an eccentric but loving father. What was Tom's favorite part of playing him and does he have a favorite scene?

A (Tom): Doing Greg was so fun. It's not Tom but it's more him than he thought all along. He had never done voice stuff before this, so he went in completely new. A script would say "walla walla" but he thought he was supposed to say "walla walla." Everybody laughed at him. He knew literally nothing about proper voice acting. So he got to really try and work at it. It was so satisfying to get to better at it. Anything from "Mr. Greg" was the big one in terms of a memorable episode. It was the best time.

Q for Larissa Gallagher: Bluebird Azurite is quite a menace. Did she listen to the individual Ruby and Aquamarine voice acting for inspiration?

A (Larissa): Yes. The script said Bluebird was Cockney, so she already knew what to aim for, but it turned out that taking those inspirations from the two characters she's made of would have led to this kind of voice naturally.

Q for All: Where do you each of the participants think their character is now and what are they doing?

A (Rebecca): To the cast, they know what the characters are up to post-show, but they can't say, it's too canonical.

A (Deedee): Says she doesn't know what canonical means. Pearl is probably doing more laundry and working on an album.

A (Lo): They guess they're just . . . fused. (Perhaps separating for scouting?) They might play Ruby Rider but not alone anymore. Interdependence, learning how to ground; Lo is not really sure how to answer since they feel like Ruby would spend most of her time as Garnet.

A (Estelle): She doesn't know. She figures Garnet sees what was gonna happen and just said "mmm." Just chilling. Even when she's fighting she has to be chill with the fighting-related grunting. She got direction to "flatline" her acting. She found it pretty natural though.

A (Tom): Greg is probably right where everything started again. Maybe working at a GameStop. Maybe he owns a bowling alley now. When asked what Greg would name it, he replies "Strikes and Spares."

A (Michaela): Amethyst would randomly get rich with Bitcoin and is retired. Maybe she would play Taiwanese Mahjong. Living a great retired life.

A (Larissa): Bluebird would be plotting and scheming and planning. Probably on a big planning board.

A (Susan): If Rose and/or Pink exists on any level, the only appropriate thing for her to be up to is community service. Like cleaning up trash at the bowling alley? Susan thinks it's time to start having a positive impact.

Q for Rebecca Sugar: Were there any scenes that ended up on the cutting room floor that you wish you could have included?

A (Rebecca): There was a bunker episode that they spent weeks on trying to crack; they wish they'd finished it. Ronaldo had a doomsday bunker. Sadie and Lars were trapped in it (with Steven). There's no way to leave. They were working on it so long and just couldn't make it work but they were determined to (maybe a little bit of the sunk cost fallacy!).

But usually the things that got left on the floor ended up evolving and changing into something different, even if they were really attached to the original idea. The idea for "Barn Mates" was originally that Sadie and Lapis would be the roommates with Sadie going to college. They feel that the Sadie story they ended up actually using was great. They love what they ended up doing with Lapis too.

In the very earliest version of "Giant Woman," Steven was going to unfuse into the two parts of him. And his "perfect" form, the big glowing muscular adult-looking Steven, was a Season 1 idea, and they didn't use him until Future. (After all, our roly-poly Steven is perfect!)

Now there are some fan-submitted questions. Their usernames are included.

Q for Deedee Magno Hall, from Makittuu: In what ways is Pearl special to you?

A (Deedee): She feels like a broken record, but she says again she was grateful to be voicing someone with the same natural voice as she had, and she had always wanted to be able to sing in a cartoon. She loves that she got to sing in the show. Pearl was the first major voice acting role that she had ever done and there's no way she would have known what the show was going to become and how successful it would be. She was auditioning for everything and was new to voice acting at the time. But one thing that she loved about voicing Pearl is that she got to share the experience with her kids. She connected the love Pearl had for Steven with the love she had for her sons. When she started voicing Pearl her kids were 2 and 8. For them to be able to watch Steven Universe on TV and hear Mommy's voice was so cool to share with her family. Now her kids are 13 and 19!

Q for Estelle, from Gonosoi: Do you have any fun stories from recording your lines on the show?

A (Estelle): When she was going through things in her life--and she thinks this is true no matter where you are or how you identify--the show somehow could speak to whatever she was going through. The lines would often be relevant. She'd come in with sunglasses on because it was early for her and her voice would be low. She'd be crying behind her glasses in difficult moments. She liked a fresh first take instead of knowing ahead of time what she'd be reading, so she didn't read the script ahead of time. She was surprised by needing to do the "ugh" and "ah" noises in different ways. It'd be difficult vocally. With Michaela, Zach, and Deedee, in between the lines and reading things together, hearing them switch back and forth between talking about life and then doing their recordings, it was so cool to see them do their work.

Q for Michaela Dietz, from Mal: Which one of your other characters would get along well with Amethyst?

A (Michaela): Definitely Vee from The Owl House. Maybe Maj'el from Star Trek Prodigy. She would be so "What is this purple being? Why do you eat? Where does the food go?" She'd be fascinated with Amethyst. And Michaela feels like Amethyst would thrive and try to do weird stuff in response. The shapeshifting she has in common with Vee. They'd get up to some trouble. Fun trouble. Harmless trouble. (Another fanart cue!)

Q for Susan Egan, from Gladde: Does Susan feel that Rose forgot about Spinel? Does she think she wanted to go back?

A (Susan): Susan thinks a lot was forgotten in her mind when she became Rose. Rose was so enamored of what's in front of her in every moment; she lives in the moment and can be a good quality but obviously Susan didn't know all of that when she was recording! Steven Universe is her kids' favorite thing she's done. Rebecca?

A (Rebecca): So much of the show is about how--something that was ultimately captured in the end credits song-- when you don't think of yourself as someone with power, Pink had less power than everyone around her, and she didn't know how much she mattered to others. She did things to them that she didn't think twice about because her importance to others didn't register. Feeling that she didn't matter, it radiated out. To her--her relationship with Spinel, Spinel was a toy to her. When she got a chance to grow up, she thought it made sense to leave Spinel behind. Pink is actually a softened version of what she was originally planned to be like. The sympathetic side of that and her self deprecation grew as they developed Pink over time. In aspiring to be a better person than she thought she was, that became who she was.

A (Susan): Rebecca brought all these characters' complexity to the table. It's easy to make things two-dimensional but people are complicated and we need to look at that in context. Good and bad can exist in the same person. She doesn't want Rose to always want to think about being Pink, but she thinks it helped her want to save more characters as Rose.

A (Rebecca): Rebecca likes to think of the Pink Diamond / Rose character as a cautionary tale.

Q for Lo, from stiffcorpse00: What kind of dates would Ruby and Sapphire go on?

A (Lo): Axe-throwing. They reference walking through doors and accidentally crashing into the frame, and they say "That's me." So they wouldn't do axe-throwing personally. Maybe Ruby and Sapphire would get some boba. Go walking. Teach Ruby how to float in water back because anger makes Ruby sink. Helping Ruby get anger out by screaming into pillows. Swinging one way and the other way.

Michaela suggests they could go to a rage room.

Lo objects that they're so expensive, and that they could just break stuff without needing to pay for it.

Susan suggests it'd be a writeoff because it's for work.

Lo says they'll go there and take a date.

Michaela says the experience is exhausting and therefore you don't need much time there.

Lo says a Ruby and Sapphire date involving paintball would be great, but everyone would run from Sapphire. Ruby's rage would get in the way. Sapphire would coldly get everyone.

There is more discussion of smashing fax machines and glass etc. in a rage room. Deedee asks "What is a fax machine?"

Q for Tom Scharpling, from GalixyYouniverse: What was his reaction to Greg getting his hair cut and was he upset?

A (Tom): He was fine with it. He was always coming from a different place than everyone else. His change would be getting rich or getting a haircut. Everyone else's was huge and cosmic. Anything with Greg, he related to Greg more than he should admit to.

Rebecca points out they have like drawings from 2013 with Greg with short hair. Sacrificing hair in a battle is something they always wanted to do.

Q for Larissa Gallagher from 1F4cnt4ND: How does she think Aquamarine and Ruby met and what was it like when they fused?

A (Larissa): She says it was a little bit mean to put her after Tom answering about the hair cut! But she doesn't know. If she had to say anything, it'd be existential. When you meet someone and you get that ball of energy inside you and you don't know whether it's good or bad--you don't know what's going to happen but something will happen. She likes to think that's the kind of energy that evolved. It didn't go in the most helpful emotional way but it was that moment attraction that no one can explain. Rebecca?

A (Rebecca): They had discussed in the writers room what Steven's influence is on Homeworld, how there'd be all these Gems on the wrong side of history, whether they were high status like Aquamarine or low like Eyeball, they'd pool into an out-group and meet to be frustrated about it. They'd been working on something that made sense before Steven changed the rules. Different types of fusions / collaborations and one born out of frustration and spite was one they wanted on the show.

Q for all participants, from trynottohappen: What was the hardest scene to record?

A (Susan): The first thing she did as Rose was the VHS tape. The monologue was her first time playing a mother, and it spoke to her heart. Like Michaela looking for her biological parents, there's something the character can teach you. Susan had to pull herself together after reading it--she needed to be joyful about her progeny coming. It makes her weep even today. It was one of her favorite things. She loved recorded with Deedee, and loved the love between them, the betrayal of Rose to Pearl, when we finally get to know what was really going on between them.

A (Larissa): The scene where Bluebird revealed her backstory of why they felt the way they felt. The complexity of the characters in the show, the hate isn't just "I hate because someone did this and said that." It's grounded, a real space of hurt that can never be fixed. Having to recreate that and not hate the character but love the character because of how much pain they were in. That was difficult but incredible.

A (Michaela): The hardest scenes were toward the end because she knew the show was ending. They were cherishing every moment together. In 2016, the day after the election, that was a hard day. Everybody was really distraught. There was a group hug at the end. In a time of such uncertainty, it gave her so much solace to know they had each other and they had art, they had ways of expressing themselves, that day sticks out.

A (Tom): For him, the songs were difficult. He would get sent a demo Rebecca recorded the night before, he's driving into NYC from New Jersey and listening to the song for hours all morning so he'd have it in his head, and then would be so nervous doing the songs because he didn't want the whole recording to be just him going word by word, line by line. The songs were the big thing he was hung up on. He'd try to do the songs first, then the spoken lines, and then the things where he yelled--he'd end up screaming sometimes and he'd not have a voice left. He wanted to do right by these very special songs. He jokes that Rebecca said he let them down over and over. (Rebecca denies.)

A (Estelle): She doesn't remember many hard moments. She'd attribute that to Rebecca's direction. She took a laid-back approach. The grunts and noises weren't familiar but also weren't difficult for her. She'd drink tea after. Real life would be happening but they always had each other in their bubble.

A (Lo): The Ruby Rider episode was the most fun and the hardest. They always wanted to play a cowboy! They were also going through a divorce during the recording. It was tough leading up to marrying Sapphire, delivering the lines, and they started crying because the opposite was happening in their life. And then they got direction to be more emotional even though they were crying. They said their voice was dead inside even though they were quite emotional. They're shy in the booth. Lo felt sweaty and weird doing the acting in front of other people, feeling awkward, and this is the first time they had to be a voice actor. This was THE WORST playing multiple characters during the baseball episode.

Michaela was so impressed with Lo having to be "like 800 characters."

Lo comments that doing 5 voices around other people as a neurodivergent person was so difficult.

A (Deedee): She loved receiving the demo recordings before having to sing a song. One of her favorite things was the singing. She wants the album of all Rebecca's demos. She remembers getting a script Monday to prepare and record on Wednesday. She heavily depended on the voice director and Rebecca. The really wordy scripts were difficult for Deedee with "ten-dollar words." The screaming was also really difficult. (She'd also do singing at the beginning, speaking in the middle, screaming at the end.)

A (Rebecca): Instead answering what scene was the hardest to write, they say there are so many. Because it was storyboard-driven, the script was in flux until it was animated, and they'd still be working with dialogue. With the potluck, when Lars doesn't show, Sadie has dialogue as she's walking down the street talking about Lars. They did a thousand drafts of it. With Sadie's story, there's a matryoshka of struggling with self-esteem while commenting on other people's self-esteem. There was a long path to get Steven to step into his mom's shoes. The biggest thing was tracking the ongoing storyline in a storyboard-driven show. Rose's speech was pored over as well. They wanted it to be layered and make more sense as you learn more about her. Does this line encapsulate everything you're going to learn about this character 60 episodes from now?

Q from CaughtMoonlight: If each of them could play any other Gem, who would it be?

A (Susan): Everyone wants to be Garnet, but could never!

A (Larissa): Ditto. 100%. Also, not a Gem, but she wants to be Lion.

A (Michaela): Peridot. All the way.

A (Tom): He says he can't do that and he's just a slob doing the voice of a slob. These things are all out of his reach.

A (Estelle): She'd go with turbocharged Peridot. She says the things that are in Garnet's brain. She'd get spicy with it.

A (Lo): Lo would choose Greg. They say he's not a slob. The world should be more relaxed and accessible.

Tom says he doesn't mean slob in a bad way. But he owns his slobbiness.

A (Deedee): Hard question! She loved voicing Pearl and all the Pearls. Everybody else, it would be so hard to voice. No comment.

A (Rebecca): Early on they decided to take a back seat and not cast themself. They loved being in the director role. They put a lot of themself into SO many characters. That let them have a presence in everyone. One thing they're really grateful for, but their former boarder Adam Muto on Adventure Time, they got to voice Marceline's mother. The composers aivi and surasshu asked them to sing "Love Like You" because it's really a reflection of so many characters that they got to write.

Q for All: They are asked to share their projects and socials.

A (Rebecca): Working on things they can't talk about yet. Last year they released an independent album. Years ago Estelle said Rebecca should tour. Susan said kind things. Lo texts songs back and forth. They would not have been able to make that album without that encouraging. Tom had them on the radio show. So humbling. Spiral Bound is a little EP and they're so grateful. They'd love to do more stuff like that.

A (Deedee): She loves the album. She is doing some recurring voices for Kiff on the Disney channel, and singing praise and worship at church.

A (Lo): They're playing Larry in StuGo who's shirtless and gender fluid on Disney. They want everyone to know sunsets are awesome. Catch them while you can to chase away depression.

A (Estelle): She has a new album coming out early next year, with two singles out now. The music is uplifting. And there's the Estelle Show (on Apple radio!). She's just living her best life.

A (Tom): The Best Show/podcast is still on every week. He started writing a new book--he wrote one a few years ago and thinks the one he's writing now will be done in maybe 11 years, so check it out in 2038. Just working on TV stuff and dealing with whatever happens.

A (Michaela): Exciting stuff we can't talk about. It's tangerine season! Trees going off! Been harvesting.

A (Larissa): Just got back from Japan. Trying to get back there. Video games are coming out but she can't talk about it. She is working on a startup called Ethovox, trying to protect voice actors int he age of AI. Larissa got so much fandom just from doing Bluebird for two minutes! She's so grateful for that.

A (Susan): She produces live concert content for Disney worldwide. She loves being behind the scenes and creating jobs for others and bringing joy. They've been in 18 countries! She wrote shows for the Hollywood Bowl.

Part Two comes out November 18, 2024! You can get signed prints at Streamily!

[jinwoosbabyboo]

You are so good at understanding the characters and I wanted to know your opinion on the whole "MC is rude" discourse especially in regard to her relationship with Sylus. Personally, I DISAGREE big time and could write a whole five-page essay on why I disagree.

I am curious as to how you feel about it though.

Let's talk about it 🗣️

I've seen posts about people saying how rude MC is and I personally feel like the people who say this or agree with it are only saying she's rude because she's not acting how they would act. They're also only reading her on a surface level.

Sometimes I feel like people forget that yes even though MC is supposed to be us we have to remember we're truly spectators to a story that isn't our own.

MC isn't rude this girl saw her home blown up with her childhood friend and "grandmother" inside. She never got a chance to even mourn them properly. She's also a top hunter of course she has her guard up and on top of that she's on her own. Yea she has friends, but she has no family and no memory of her past yet she's still pushing through w/ heart issues.

Lastly ..... and I can't express this enough ..... SHE DOES NOT KNOW THESE MEN. Main story timeline wise MC is not romantically involved with any of them yet. Zayne is probably the only exception, but even then she has many blanks in her memory of her childhood w/ him.

She sees them each for what they are....

Zayne is her primary care physician and estranged childhood friend

Xavier is her mysterious hunter friend/co-worker

Rafayel is her make-shift client who she can't fully read

Sylus is the leader of Onychinus who kidnapped her and now they have some invisible linkage that comes and goes as it pleases.

Even in the memories (If i'm understanding them correctly) they're only showing what can/what will happen if she chooses to be romantically involved with them (they do seem to have a timeline within them), but Main story MC is not there yet.

People also tend to forget MC's main goal isn't to make these four fall in love with her she's trying to figure out her aether core in her heart. She is about business and falling in love is not her main priority so of course she's not swooning and barking like us as players are; she has more important matters to worry about.

[krockat]

hey. Hey. person reading this right now. if you already feel bad about this, or are aware of this, and you for example have intrusive thoughts about dirt and stuff - don't feel so bad about this.

and i think the implication that 'everyone should feel after touching any public surface like they've touched dog poo'

and by extension that that should feel poison and by perhaps extension even perhaps Should make you feel dread, and perhaps even feel like a bad or shameful person for it?

i think, we should probably walk that back a little. i think it easily comes across as that, and could be triggering people's anxieties about this, in an unfair way.

absolutely - cleaning your hands good and keeping good hygiene is good, but the feeling bad about it part? you do not need to feel bad or anxious or dread about it during or about it.

you also do not have to Make yourself feel so bad about it.

and if you read this and realize maybe you haven't taken your hand hygiene seriously enough, you can always change and improve.

and that it will be okay. change, good change, can always start today. there are also many good handwashing tutorials that came into (re) creation after covid hit 2020.

also, for context - because I do not mean to be rude to op or previous commenter, i am specifically writing this as a person who has intrusive thoughts and dirt phobia, but am recovering,

and I just feel like this post has great points and perspectives that I don't often see shared - that I want to reblog! and also wanted to talk about that perhaps moral ocd/dirt ocd triggery thing, and not let that pass without that commentary.

and that also as a person with intrusive thoughts and dirt phobia, that YES oh my gosh THANK you,

it really is so scary sometimes and isolating how people do not even consider these things with hygiene, and I've also talked to people about it but they still don't see the point!

i know my fears and concerns about dirt are not Just irrational - and I feel like people often dismiss my knowledge about dirt and hygiene Because I have these diagnoses.

And i Guess it's easy to ignore my concerns and pleas if they can dismiss me because of them.

Washing my hands as I come home?? a given. also washing my hands before I touch my cat!

cats can also get covid (last I heard, that was mid early hit of the pandemic hitting though, science might have found more) and so like i do Not want to mess around - not for me Or for him!

also I've known so many people who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom.

tw for below: REALLY nasty hand hygiene

i had a parent (i disowned them) that used to sometimes skip out on washing his hands after he shat.

like I could hear him shitting and could also hear him flushing, not turning on the washbin, and immediately exiting the bathroom.

i tried to tell the rest of my family members and others but they just didn't believe me.

also if you touch your genitals (including dicks) or underwear in the bathroom, or touch the toilet, or the toilet roll that has been used, You should wash your hands! It's Not Cleannn

I Do Not get people who do not get that. at all.

in the vein of "how do you stay safe from getting sick", I wanna say that something I always noticed as a kid was that a lot of the time when I went to people's houses and we would leave at some point to the mall or the park or something and then come back home…I don't remember any of them washing their hands when we got back inside. they'd just immediately lead me back to their room or the living room or something, and then I'd feel incredibly self-conscious about going to their bathroom to wash my own hands. and I always thought it was absolutely bizarre because the way I was raised, the first thing you do when you come back home after taking your shoes and jacket off is go wash your hands. it's common sense. why on planet earth would you not wash your hands. you've just been touching a hundred public surfaces that could have anything on them and you think as soon as you set foot in your own house all the germs you've picked up just evaporate? it's absolutely insane to me to know that so many people don't bother washing their hands. WASH YOUR HANDS.

[demonic0angel]

Everyone talking shit about Clockwork shoving time missions on the Phantoms. Nobody ever talks about how hard he works to keep space/time from collapsing in on itself from bad timelines.

(You’re right 😔 he needs some appreciation. I had a lot of fun with this one lmao)

Part 3 of this post and this post.

Clockwork resisted the urge to sigh as he watched another world implode via the timeline shifting from the speed force. He silently sent another note to his children workers to solve the problem. As he monitored the situation in other worlds, he kept an eye on the collapsing timeline.

Soon enough, Dan swooped in before the catalyst to beat the crap out of the person who had accidentally created a zombie apocalypse and then he was stomping his feet and throwing a rage-induced tantrum within the poor scientist’s lab, destroying everything. He was shouting and overturning tables, but couldn’t be heard through the time stream.

Clockwork resisted a sigh again. He didn’t like overworking his children employees so much either, but it had to be done.

Just as Dan left the world to rejoin his boyfriend, Clockwork continued to watch the other timelines. Three more worlds suddenly took a turn for the worst and Clockwork sent more messages to the rest of his children workers in order to fix it. He paused as the door to his lair opened and Dan burst inside.

Clockwork tried not to tense. Dan was his most volatile child employee, and he was prone to attacking anything that enraged him. Jazz had once explained that it was his coping mechanism as a decade of grief and loneliness had completely corrupted his impulse control.

Clockwork turned, pretending that he didn’t feel apprehensive about Dan’s presence. “Is there a problem…?”

Dan strode forward with a cool, almost indifferent expression. Without warning, Dan threw himself forward and onto Clockwork’s lap. Clockwork tensed, but Dan only held onto him tightly, wrapping his arms around his waist and then burying his face into his ghostly stomach.

The presence of his child someone near his stomach made him recoil tightly, but he held still.

“Clockworkkkkkk,” Dan whined. “Can’t I kill the Flashes? Please? Just one! I’ll settle for killing Wally West. Can I please kill him?”

Clockwork couldn’t help the chuckle that burst out of him. “No, you cannot. They are vital for that world’s survival.”

“They’re not vital to my sanity!”

The door burst open again and his other three children poured in, also having just finished fixing another world from collapsing. Dani immediately gasped at seeing Dan in his lap. “What! I want Clockwork cuddles too!”

The three of them joined their brother in crowding him and cuddling him, until eventually, he had all four of his children within his embrace. Clockwork released a sigh as he was forced onto his back and rubbed at Danny’s hair, who was lying on his spectral tail. Jazz leaned against him unhappily, and both Dani and Dan were laying on his stomach.

“I’m sorry for overworking you four,” Clockwork said, despite knowing that it wasn’t his fault. He had no one else to solve the problems of the Flash family, not when he was needed to watch over the time stream. “But it is necessary in order to help as many worlds as possible.”

“We don’t blame you,” Jazz said, ever the most empathetic, “it’s all of the Flashes’ faults!”

“I propose that we kill them and save us the headache!” Dan said.

Dani sighed, but also laughed. “Well, Bart is one of my best friends, but I guess he’ll have to go.”

Danny grinned and said, “Cool, I’ll take Flash.”

Clockwork smiled as his children (his wonderful, powerful, extraordinary children) started squabbling over how to kill or whether not to kill someone with the speed force. Work was difficult as someone who was devoted to protecting other timelines and worlds, but with his family by his side, life wasn’t too hard. In a way, Clockwork was almost grateful to be reborn as an Ancient.

Perhaps now, his family and existence wouldn’t end as tragically as before, with his children by his side.

[sheep-from-rad]

Hi! Sorry if this is weird or anything, this is my first time sending an ask lol

But I just finished reading your writing about the singer/influencer reader and omfg I love your brain. Like imagine the reader did a cover of/wrote like spit in my face by ThxSoMch or Cigarette Ahegao by Penelope Scott (love her sm btw-) cause just imagine the GUILTTT

Imagine the Batfam listening to their music and just hearing the bitterness in their voice as they sing “Screwing everything up, doing everything wrong, In my defence I wasn’t supposed to be around this long, so” HGDECANZZKNFBVD

Anyway, I love your writing and I hope you have an absolutely amazing week! Take care of yourself too- drink water, eat some food and try to get some sleep ml <3

Nah anon you're cool. I love reading asks. ALSO credits to Luludelulusramblings, they made the originally made Influencer reader. Batfam belongs to DC as usual. Singer reader post: here

You know, in the Art History year 1901-1904, Picasso started the Blue Period where he only painted in the shades of Blue. It started due to the death of his friend, later his financial struggles, and of course the current state of the society. Blue Period art was so good but so doleful and depressing that no one wants to hang it in their house. Singer! Reader started their career covering mainstream songs, band songs, maybe even vocaloid. 

Their blue period started months before they planned to leave the manor. It was a simple cover of MARINA’s ‘Are you satisfied?’ A lot of burnt out overachievers ate that cover, even Tim himself. The song is basically the reader questioning the Wayne last name. Sure it was a goldmine to others but to them it’s a ticket to misery. One song cover turned into many song covers, enough to make a long playlist to play at 3 a.m. when you’re about to have a breakdown. 

The whole playlist? Batfam avoids it because it reminds them of the times they could have been giving you love but they didn’t BUT at the same time they can’t really avoid it. It became like those guilty pleasures playlist. Damian loves and hates reader’s ‘The Family Jewels’ cover because it reminds him of the fact that he and the reader are basically on the same boat. They were just children who needed attention and love. He got that attention and love immediately because of the whole league of assassins backstory. He won’t admit it but the weight of the role weighs like tonnes of iron on his shoulders. 

Jason, Bruce and Cigarette Ahegao will roll together so much. That man has twice the amount of trauma Bruce had and his coping mechanism sucks. All the aggressiveness was just a coping mechanism, underneath he’s a man with conflicted feelings and those years of being dead and suddenly being resurrected didn’t help. Let’s face it Bruce is a tired man who lives a double life. He's a man who dresses up like as a bat making sure the city is safe but he can't cover all grounds. The neglect on reader was unintentional but neglect is neglect.

Dick with reader’s cover of ‘Stressed out’ by Twenty one pilots, no explanation needed. ‘This is me trying’ by Taylor Swift with Cassandra, Stephanie, and Tim. Cassandra and Stephanie being raised by villains and Tim being an overachiever to have his parent’s attention. His parents being always away and realizing he basically did the same thing to the reader by making them feel invisible. 

Double guilt if they left the playlist on autoplay and ‘Daddy issues’ plays. Any version but I think the original fits the bill. Reader ends their blue period with a cover of Mother Mother’s ‘Burning Pile’ basically saying ‘Yeah fuck it, it’s over. I’m burning it, I’m leaving it, I’m closing the chapter’. But to the Batfamily, it meant renewal and turning a new leaf, an invitation to make things better.

[shadowsviper]

Hello! Here to say hi! Your post appeared on my scroll and I noticed you have just one, so I figured you might be new around here! Welcome to Tumblr! I hope you find your crowd soon enough! 💖

In the meantime, do you mind telling me something about Jason Todd? I've never been too deep into DC, but I recognize his name. I'd love to hear your headcannons/thoughts about him! 💖

Hi! Thanks for welcoming me :) I've actually been lurking on tumblr for a while before I finally got the confidence to start writing.

Here's a short basic rundown of Jason: Jason Todd is the second person to take the mantle of Robin after Dick Grayson. Batman caught him stealing the wheels off the Batmobile in a dark alleyway one night and took him in. He was more rebellious and he didn't like Batman's moral code. Fans actually voted to kill him off in the series. Jason would be beaten by the Joker with a crowbar and left to die with his mother inside a warehouse with a time bomb. He would later be resurrected by Talia Al Ghul in the Lazarus Pit and took the mantle of Red Hood. He would use guns and violence when it came to crime fighting. When he found out that Batman didn't avenge him in any way, he felt betrayed and let his anger out on Gotham's criminals. He believed that they deserved a worse punishment.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jason Todd Headcannons

He loves to bake, especially cookies. He'll bake other pastries every now and then, but his go to is cookies. It's something he'll never admit to his family, other than Alfred. He'll drop off some to his brothers sometimes with an insulting note; he would say they're poisoned just to mess with Tim

Whenever he has free time, he's in the library. Sometimes he'll be at the public library if he doesn't want to see his family. Other times he'll be in the Manor looking at whatever new books Alfred and Damian bought

It's actually canon that Jason likes to read books like Pride and Prejudice, and The Art of War, among many others

He loves to bother his brothers whenever he can

He loves to swing by GCPD when Dick is working just to mess with him. He might even go as far as faking an emergency just for the emergency to be him wanting to say a quick fuck you

Dick has banned him from coming within a 20-foot radius of GCPD. He also threatened to arrest him if he got close

It doesn't stop Jason. He has yet to be arrested because they technically can't arrest a dead man

He'll mess with Tim at any time. His things will slowly go missing; his mugs, coffee, important papers, you name it.

One time when Tim left his place unattended, Jason moved everything an inch to the left. It drove Tim crazy. More crazy than he already was considering he hadn't slept for the past two days. He'll get Jason back one day

What he does with Damian is a 50/50. Sometimes he'll spar with him for fun. Just a quick training exercise or he's actually trying to kill the demon spawn, who knows. Other times they're both reading silently in the corner of the library.

They won't talk about it after

Definitely broke into Wayne Enterprises way too many times

He had no reason to go in. He just wanted to bother Bruce or Tim. Or both

Definitely both

Has been escorted out multiple times with Bruce watching with his head in his hands

That man is stressed lmao

Definitely picks up Damian from school with white girl music blasting at full volume. The bass is cranked up to the point where you can feel it inside the school

Damian hates it so much because his classmates find Jason pretty cool and they keep trying to talk to him about Jason

Later banned from picking Damian up from school

[7ndipity]

“Just Breathe”

Yoongi x Reader

Summary: You're nervous about meeting Yoongi's parents for the first time

Warnings: angst/comfort, brief mentions of toxic family life, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to @vicky-chaos for this request! I hope you like it!

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The late afternoon sun warmed your back as you walked down the street hand in hand with Yoongi, the familiar hum of street noise around you a welcome soundtrack that you hoped would distract from the anxious thoughts that had been filtering through your mind all day.

Normally you loved going on errand runs like these with Yoongi, finding comfort in the mundane routine, but today you had found yourself unable to relax fully and enjoy yourself, even now fidgeting with the handles of the shopping bags in your free hand.

Yoongi’s parents were coming to visit for the weekend, and he had asked if you wanted to help him cook dinner on the first night so that you could meet them. You had been touched that he wanted to introduce you to them at all and had agreed to the plan eagerly enough at first, but inside, there had been a growing tinge of “what if?”.

If this evening didn’t go well, you worried how it would affect you and Yoongi’s relationship going forward.

Yoongi had noticed your growing nerves and had tried to reassure you that things would be fine, even giving you a crash course on his parents' personalities and interests to help make you feel more confident and give you something to talk to them about.

“-And Dad likes reading, so just keep conversation focused around that if you can’t think of anything else.” He finished as you were headed back towards where he had parked the car.

“Right…” You replied distantly, chewing on your lip.

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He assured you, squeezing your hand gently.

You nodded, but you couldn’t stop your heart still anxiously skittering around your ribcage, seeking out escape.

“Hey,” His tone was much softer now, drawing your attention back to him with a gentle touch on your cheek, letting his fingers just brush over your skin in the same way that he did as you fell asleep at night. “Just breathe, okay? Everything will be fine. They’re gonna love you.”

You hesitated for the briefest moment.

“What if they don’t?” Your asked quietly, breaking his heart at how small you sounded.

He knew his parents weren’t the easiest to get along with, especially his father, but he had faith that they would see what a beautiful and remarkable person you were. He couldn’t imagine anyone meeting you and not immediately falling for your warm heart and infectious personality.

But no matter how many times Yoongi tried to encourage and reassure you, your anxieties over what could possibly go wrong persisted.

He knew your fears weren’t entirely unfounded; it was no secret to him that the relationship between you and your own parents was difficult to say the least, leaving you with more than a few emotional scars that you were slowly trying to heal. But he was not so secretly hoping that this might be the start of a better relationship with parental figures for you, that you might start to view his family as your own. He just needed you to believe.

“If they don’t like you, then that’s their problem and they’ll have to get over it.” He told you matter-of-factly.

“Yoongi-” You started, but he stopped you.

“I mean it, if they know me and care about me at all, then they’ll make the effort to get along with the person I love.”

Your eyes shot up to meet his in shock, making him realize his accidental admission.

“You love me?” You asked.

“Yeah, of course I do.” He said, trying to ignore the creeping redness that he could feel coloring his face.

“It’s just-, you’ve never said that before.” You pointed out, still staring at him.

“I’ve felt it for a while, I’d just been trying to find the right time to say something.” He replied quietly, suddenly finding the pavement very interesting as he scratched at the back of his neck self-consciously. “And it’s no big deal, you don’t have to say anything ba-”

“I love you too.” You cut him off.

His head snapped back up, his dark eyes filled with cautious hope.

“Really?” 

You nodded. “I always have.”

Before you could blink, Yoongi closed the gap between you, crushing you to his chest in a hug that nearly knocked the wind out of you.

“I love you.” He mumbled into your hair. “I love you so fucking much, and nothing anyone says can ever change that. Not my parents, not anyone.”

Your eyes stung at his words, trying to fight back the sudden wave of emotions that threatened to overtake you.

“I love you too.” You managed, blinking away the wetness in your eyes.

It was moments like this that reminded you of just how thankful you were to have Yoongi in your life, always willing to make room for you, to protect you, to fight for you.

After a long moment, he pulled away enough to meet your eye again.

“We got this, yeah?” He asked. “We’ll be okay.”

You nodded, a small, genuine smile creeping across your face for the first time today.

“Lets go home.” He said, catching your hand in his again and giving it a slight squeeze.

The two of you walked on together in comfortable silence, savoring the feel of the shared warmth of your joined hands, keeping away the autumn chill that tried to chill your fingers.

Everything would be okay. So long as you had each other to hold onto, you could face anything.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @feminympho @classicalelephant @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @comingupwithacoolnameishard @bo0ghol @universal-travel-er @k4ngelz

[turquoizxe]

𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐬

Sevika x Piltover!Fem!Reader

content ― one-shot; hatefucking, "til' the room stank", light pain kink, degradation, some biting, the reader is also bratty highkey, smut, overstim, fingering, strap, pillow talk, mentions of possible feelings, Sevika is down bad for you, #needdat #realbad

author's note ― this was supposed to be a small < 500 word drabble, but ovulation had other plans. enjoy!

wc ― 2.445k

You didn't have it in you to give up whatever this was. It felt too good. She wanted to hate your guts, ruin you, and deprive you of any happiness that she thought you didn't deserve. But I guess other plans were written on the cards.

Thoughts about how you were, how you felt ― it plagued every corner of her brain. And even you didn't understand how much she needed you.

Despite you being from Piltover, your parents were from Zaun. And due to your luck, your family had somehow found themselves outside of poverty. The unfortunate thing is that their corrupt principles still remained despite being surrounded by riches; It in fact made it worse.

Politics was always a rough issue at the dinner table, and you had your opinions about the council. You'd be lying if their narcissism didn't rub off on you quite a bit, and Sevika could tell from miles away that you'd be a problem.

Despite your background and upbringing in Piltover, you and your friends would sneak out to Zaun on more than one occasion. Your parents were unaware that you had as many connections to Zaun as they did, and possibly even more. You'd often run into Sevika more often than she'd like to. Your favorite interaction being within the brothel.

Silco had recently hired you and asked you to find Sevika, who hadn't known that you had become a partner in their line of work. She was often seen at The Last Drop when she was on downtime. You knew her features all too well, and it'd be nice to greet her with your lovely face.

You didn't think she would be able to fuck as good as she looked. While it had been made to your knowledge that she was also a regular at the Brothel, you had been browsing, the familiar voice had echoed. And you hated admitting to yourself how her baritone and shaken up the core inside you. You were gone before you could even make an attempt to find a partner that night. And you couldn't help but hear the filthy words that left her lips every time you had to interact with her.

"That pretty little cunt is mine, isn't it?"

God, you hoped those thoughts didn't chase through you with every moment she spoke with you. Once you started working together more, the tension got stronger, and neither of you could pinpoint when and where it started. But you knew what strengthened it. Your quick wit and smart mouth kept her entertained, and some days she wondered how the hell you didn't end up in this line of work sooner.

Your involvement with Zaun made her feel like the mission was being prolonged with your presence, and she made it known with every passing moment the aversion she had reserved for you. You'd believe it if she spent less time staring at your ass when you were tweaking with her mechanical arm.

The small audience that knew of your partnership was often left in question, as they couldn't describe the relationship you had with one another. And fondness wasn't a word they would state it as.

The seamless flirting felt so harmless at first, the prolonged stares. She could tell how she made you feel, and she always refrained from acknowledging it because she wants to fuck you more than she hates you.

And she couldn't tell if that hate was mutual when all you did was toy with her when under pressure. And finally, she gave in to what she knew you both wanted.

You two got caught up when you started bringing up your parents and your involvement with Zaun. You had spent so much time trying to convince her that this wasn't some sort of savior complex moment for you. You had known better than to engage with someone of her stature. You'd be as good as dead. Sevika was impressed with your combat skills, but that fell short once your teeth sunk into her skin. The lust that clouded her eyes was clear as day in yours.

You knew better than to use Silco's desk for anything other than work, but neither cared enough about him to consider that.

You had Sevika right where you wanted her.

Her mechanical arm had you pinned upon Silco's desk. Your breasts were on display, riddled with bites and hickeys; Your bottoms dangled over your ankles, and your undergarments were barely recognizable after Sevika tore them. And you whined under her so desperately.

"What happened to that shit you were talkin' earlier, huh?" She scoffed, her fingers working inside your walls, eager to pull more cries from you. It was embarrassing for her to admit how much pleasure she derived from you crying like a bitch in heat.

You had stopped counting how many times she had made you come at this point. It was constant teasing and banter until you took it upon yourself to rile her up.

"Fuckin' brat, I just knew you'd break.." Her wrist flicked up, her strong arm adjusting your bottom half. The pressure on your clit only intensified once she realized the change in her angle led to finding your spot.

She had slowed down her movements to get a better look at you, and going only slower every time you averted your gaze. She looked down, your fluids soaking her palm. She let out an audible moan when she slowed down to take a better look at the white ring that was forming around her fingers that prodded you. If Sevika knew anything, you hated when she got under your skin, but how much does that matter when she's already gotten in your pants?

Sevika leans forward, peppering kisses across your chest, soothing the love bites she left behind on your neck, leading up to your ear as your body arches to feel her, yearning to be closer. Her breath ghosted over your ear, softly biting the skin. She slowly lifts her body so she can see the torment in your eyes.

"Look at me when you come, doll."

You cried out, tears welling up in your eyes. It was hard for you to form words, incoherent mumbles, and uneven breaths. You were only able to form a string of "fuck" as she abused your puffy clit. Your mind was clouded by lust and yet despite the knot in your stomach once again creating and becoming painful; You took it upon yourself to move your hips to meet the thrusts of her digits.

Sevika clicked her tongue before removing her fingers from your cunt, your remnants coating her fingers and desk. She backs away and turns away from you, wandering off to a dark corner of the office. A loud groan of frustration falls from your lips. Despite your body being pushed to its limits, you felt you could come for her once more than the last. You couldn't remember the last time anyone has fucked you that good, or if anyone even has until she strolled along.

"Following the rules seems to be a tough concept for you."

"You're such an ass" you sneer, sitting up. Your partner seemed to have stopped entertaining you, your hands finding their way to your pussy, frantically searching for its release. Much to your dismay, Sevika was not far away enough to not hear the cries of your pussy.

"I didn't say you could touch yourself."

"Not like you're doing it", you heave. A strong hand had taken hold of yours, halting your movements. You had been too busy trying to chase another orgasm, you hadn't realized Sevika's strap-on was excited to greet you― a thin layer of lube covering it. As prepped as you were, neither of you doubted you took whatever she gave you.

Sevika's stature was much larger than the average woman's, and she could tell how much you enjoyed feeling small under her with every moment she took to hover over you. While her mechanical arm held you up, firmly grasping your ass, the sharp metal, left small scratches on your backside, while her other hand ghosted over your thigh, her orbs remaining on yours. Your bottom lip stuck between your teeth to stifle a moan. You didn't think you'd become much weaker under her than you did at that moment.

Sevika had you right where she wanted you.

You both leaned forward, your chests heaving against each other, and were enveloped in what would be your first kiss. You were messy, and she adored you. Her tongue quickly found its way into your mouth, your lips softly suckling on the flesh as your hips started to grind against her, craving for Sevika to use her toy. She quickly took that into account, but she still had a sliver of pettiness within her.

"Sev..." drawls from your lips. Your only support is your arms upon Silco's desk as Sevika has her bionic arm grasping under you, her other hand wrapped around her neck, forcing you to look at her as she slowly inserts herself inside. Despite your slick being noticeably scattered across Sevika's hands and Silco's desk, you couldn't remember the last time you had something so big inside you. She pushed further, her thumb caressing your cheek, still holding your neck to see you lose any form of restraint you have left.

Sevika had finally removed her hand from your neck, retreating back to your breasts, pinching your nipples between her fingers. Once her length bottomed out, a gasp forced out of you from the sudden probe. Sevika grunts, your weight causing the friction against her clit. Your head flung back, white was the only thing you could see. You could feel the head of her strap probe at your spot once again.

"So fucking sexy...you're mine aren't you?"

You weakly moaned out a yes, too fucked out to even think of a witty comeback. Seeing you this fucked out was a dream before her eyes. Ever since she saw you catch a glimpse of her animosity at the brothel, she had only wondered how much of a beating you could take when she took you to pound town. She placed both of her hands on your hips, a grasp so powerful, that you were more than sure they would leave marks more than she already has.

You felt her hips rut against you, the guttural moan that erupted from your throat felt almost embarrassing. It was unfortunate for you that this was the calm before the storm. Still, Sevika searched your eyes before escalating.

She placed her hand on your stomach, where you could feel her with every thrust, you felt the knot forming faster than you'd had hoped. Your legs had begun to shake, tears prickling at your cheeks once again after Sevika's thumb applies pressure to your clit for the umpteenth time. You felt her bionic arm exert a warm sensation beneath you, only heightening your sensitivity.

"I thought you said you could take it? Be a good little bitch like I told you to."

The grip she had on your hips only tightened, the fervor in her ruts only reaching desperate heights, chasing her own orgasm. Seeing you coming undone like this was heavenly, and she'll never let you live this down.

The sweat beads formed on your forehead, and your body felt like it was on fire. You were reaching the edge, your hips quickly finding Sevika's rhythm, eager to reach ecstasy with her. Your hand intertwined with hers, your gaze never leaving her orbs as you witnessed her coming undone.

She didn't need to be told much else, as you hadn't been able to form coherent sentences after your first nut.

"ah..Sev― I'm gonna"

"Fucking do it", she commands, landing another bite on your neck as you both reached your climax. Her hips hadn't shown any signs of stopping, but her intensity decreased as she guided you through your orgasm.

You were already thinking about the next time she would tear your shit up like this. I think the passions you shared would only be the beginning of a unique relationship.

"Thaaaat's it baby..", she coos, landing kisses on your temple before placing a final one on your lips again. You both moaned at the sight of the aftermath, slowly pulling herself out of you. Her strap coated in your juices, your chest rising, a small chuckle leaving your lips admiring the mess you made. Sevika cackles weakly. She was still working on catching her breath from your physical activity.

Sevika's bionic arm squeaks, some steam erupting from the device. It seems like her new adjustments cause some overheating when exerted too much.

"I can take care of that", you motion toward her arm, slowly walking over to your toolbox, careful not to embarrass yourself from the short distance to acquire your items. From your peripheral, you could see Sevika's smirk, taking amusement from watching you struggle to make it. You finally make it, picking up the heavy box. Sevika took it upon herself to carry you back over to the chair across from the desk.

You took some time to gather yourself while Sevika cleaned up the desk, cautious to make it look as if nothing had taken place moments prior.

Afterward, she plopped next to you, putting her arm on display as you removed her vials.

Despite her ruining you just minutes prior, an awkward silence fell between the two of you. While it started rough, the displays of affection made it feel as if there was something else to explore further.

"Soo..." you start. You could feel her gaze upon you, likely wondering the same thing.

"I'd like to think whatever this is may be worth exploring."

Even if it remained this way, you wouldn't mind, but the moments when you both could hold a conversation, there was something else lingering in the air.

Sevika didn't know how to feel― this was beyond lust, but she didn't want to put other labels on it unless she knew for sure.

"I wouldn't mind exploring this with you", she admits, her hand caressing your thigh, your muscles loosen after the assurance from her, continuing to fix her arm. A small smile forms on your lips, and Sevika follows, averting your gaze. You were eager to tease her again, but that wasn't until Silco walked through the door.

The both of you looked in his direction. While his room looked the same as he left it, he couldn't ignore the stench that invaded his nostrils, including the state of your clothing, the only thing covering you being her cloak. You both felt the glares on you, his teeth gritting through his words of frustration.

"Fucking degenerates.."

― turquoizxe

[ennn]

Agatha x Rio Fic Recs

We're a couple of weeks out post-finale and I've read enough fics to recommend a new bunch! You can find my first pre-finale recs here – usual YMMV disclaimer applies. In no order:

— real hot ghoul shit – by @tadpoleeater

WIP. Rio's finally done pursuing. Agatha's been introduced to reality TV. It's hilarious with emotional gut punches – just like the show!

— one good honest kiss (and i'll be alright) – by @tadpoleeater

5 times they kissed. Messy, beautifully angsty, but hopeful at the end.

— now I understand, and it’s time to leave the woods – by @paddingtonfan69

Romantic, moving, absolutely heartbreaking, while also silly at times. This second chapter has perhaps my favourite backstory scenes.

— you’re here, there’s nothing I fear – by @paddingtonfan69

Titanic fic. Rio and Agatha chance upon each other on Rio's work trip. That iceberg is really inconvenient.

— you'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you – by @alilbitgaywrites

WIP. A fix-it fic but it's going to hurt a lot before it gets better. Also some of my favourite backstory scenes. The banter, the tragedy, the beauty, the heartbreak.

— you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me – by @alilbitgaywrites

For more fluff and less angst (there's still angst, it's these two of course there is). Rio wants a vacation but Agatha can't stop summoning her to her crime scenes.

— primal night – by Palmarion

AU. Rio is death, Agatha is human and they meet one Halloween night at Rio's bar. Nicky happens unexpectedly. A comforting romantic story.

— coven of chaos – by @trickofthelights

WIP. Crack but taken so seriously and written fantastically well. Rio/Agatha/Wanda and their very weird found family. Everyone lives!

— death is no parenthesis – by @littledata

WIP. This time it's Rio who's stuck in a spell and Agatha is the one doing the nudging. Too bad about the creepy dreams of death.

— A Wretched Soul – by @motherconfessors

WIP. Porn with plot... with a side of food? Agatha makes a new deal with Rio so she can get her purple back. What Rio's asking for is surprising.

— how the dead walk – by obsetress

Ghost!porn with plot. Agatha and Rio have a messy reconciliation. Ghost sex is really tricky, especially when feelings are involved.

— because i could not stop for death (she kindly stopped for me) – by shy_one

WIP. Their many meetings over the centuries, over numerous misdeeds and murders. A dark, beautiful, epic journey.

— the path ahead – by @a-couple-of-notes

A happier canon-divergent ending. Jen opens a school for witches, her remaining coven members return to help. Charming and hopeful and healing.

— Rabbit Heart – by @sapphoshands

Post-finale scenes featuring our favourite Señor Scratchy.

[chica-sinmiedo]

If I may add a little reflection to this reading, since I read this next passage that I will write below, it has always seemed to me a great interaction between Catelyn and Brienne (specifically in Clash of kings, Chapter 45, Catelyn VI):

“Fighting is better than this waiting,” Brienne said. “You don’t feel so helpless when you fight. You have a sword and a horse, sometimes an axe. When you’re armored it’s hard for anyone to hurt you.” “Knights die in battle,” Catelyn reminded her. Brienne looked at her with those blue and beautiful eyes. “As ladies die in childbed. No one sings songs about them.” “Children are a battle of a different sort.” Catelyn started across the yard. “A battle without banners or warhorns, but no less fierce. Carrying a child, bringing it into the world...

Remember that Brienne is a woman who chose to be a knight and serve with honor and oath to protect the underprivileged, as traditionally dictated by laws in the tales of the walking knights.

On the other hand, Catelyn follows the traditional role of woman, in which her duty is to serve her house and family; however, she proves on many occasions to be more sensible and prudent when not to underestimate her enemies, such as Tywin Lannister, unlike many men around her, apparently experienced in countless battles, who don't take her advice into account by considering her, and I quote, "the weaker sex".

The interesting thing here is that GRRM doesn't indicate or point out which philosophy is right, but gives voice to both characters and gives them the opportunity to express their perspective. Brienne wants to go to the front to feel useful, the way she sees the character do her duty and maintain her honor, but also criticizes and gives visibility to the struggle of women who are mothers and sacrifice themselves for the sake of their children, even if the rest of society ignores or doesn't bother to pay attention to their devotion and great courage.

Both are true warriors in their own way. And that’s great.

As a female athlete myself, I just want to quickly appreciate how George R.R Martin writes his women who fight. It’s never, “she wanted to be a warrior so she worked harder than everyone and eventually she could beat all the boys.” He actually gives his characters strengths and weaknesses—as well as cultural ties to fighting— and he makes these traits enhance the already existing plot lines these characters follow. The mental game is also always just as important, if not more, than the physical game, which I’ve found is true in sports and probably much more true in actual life-threatening situations.

Arya is a small child. She’s nine, she’s skinny; she would probably never excel at being a knight, so instead she learns a different type of fighting. She’ll never overpower anyone, but she can be quick and sneaky and use her left hand which most people don’t know how to fight against. Also, I would argue that Syrio’s teachings about “looking with your eyes” were far more important to her than the physical part of water dancing. Most of the time she isn’t using her skills to directly fight people, but to run away, to spy on people, to catch food and survive. Syrio is her friend, Needle is Jon Snow’s smile, etc. Arya learning how to use her stature to her advantage is part of a greater connection to her identity and the people who helped her.

Brienne is stronger than most men, but she faces constant misogyny because of that (which is all too realistic). She constantly faces internal battles with her own self-image and harassment wherever she goes. She gets taught to use men’s pride and anger to her advantage:

“Old Ser Goodwin was long in his grave, yet she could hear him whispering in her ear. Men will always underestimate you, he said, and their pride will make them want to vanquish you quickly, lest it be said that a woman tried them sorely. Let them spend their strength in furious attacks, whilst you conserve your own. Wait and watch, girl, wait and watch (AFFC Brienne 7)”

Finally, “no chance, and no choice” is her most memorable line for a reason. It’s not her martial prowess that makes her a great character; it’s her bravery and honor.

Cultural ties are also so important to the reasons many women in the series fight. Asha is Balon’s last remaining child when all her brothers are dead and gone. Of course she knows how to fight and sail. Her tension with Theon is less about her showing off and more about her proving how much she actually knows her people while he doesn’t (of course that isn’t Theon’s fault but that’s a whole other post). The Mormont women learned to fight because they historically had to fight off invaders; the Sand snakes’ skills show their connection to Oberyn, etc.

Anyway I just love how George uses fighting to enhance his characters’ personalities and not define them. None of them are physically or mentally infallible, and none are exempt from misogyny. They just learned to do something that empowers and protects them despite society’s expectations. George’s writing of women is definitely not perfect, but this is something I really appreciate.

[muletia]

[tfp] yandere!soundwave x human!reader

summary: you were meant to be just a bargaining chip for the decepticons, someone who could be easily discarded. but soundwave has other plans for you. (consider this snippet as a base for further stories.)

cw: obsessed!soundwave, kidnapping, stockholm syndrome?? not really but reader does have a soft spot for him, reader's pov, soundwave is fucking terrifying, this is just an excuse to write about soundwave interacting with you lmao

word count: 750

The automatic doors hissed open, announcing the arrival of the owner of these small quarters. You lifted your head from the tablet, wanting to confirm that your routine remained unbroken — that you would survive one more day. Seeing the familiar silhouette, you exhaled in relief. The same titan as always had returned. You’d live to see tomorrow.

“Hi,” you greeted, well aware you’d never receive a verbal response. The titan was fiercely silent.

He nodded, and that was the end of your “conversation.”

Your interactions hadn’t always been like this. They weren’t always this warm. Going from trembling in fear at just the sight of him to saying “good morning” of your own free will had taken some time. Not that you had much choice in terms of social interactions, which the reptilian part of your brain still craved. You’d only seen other members of his species once, on the day of your abduction. Accepting that this was now your life, indefinitely, hadn’t been easy, but after many months, you’d adjusted. Humans were made to adapt to new conditions, and you were no exception. The will to live had won.

You returned to reading an e-book on your tablet (a reward for good behavior) but quickly paused, noticing the robot had stopped at the desk, right by the small corner arranged just for you. You looked up—he seemed to be looking straight at you. Even with the screen covering his face, you could feel his optics on you.

He was enormous, terrifying, and the lack of human-like facial features, which you’d noticed on others, only heightened the fear factor. He looked like a xenomorph. But your alien was real. And he wanted something from you.

“What’s up?” you asked, uncertainly.

He moved his hand, slowly, calculatedly, and pointed at the tablet as if he genuinely cared about what you were doing, as if he cared about your existence. By now, you understood perfectly what he meant, having gone through this countless times when he returned to you after a few, sometimes several, hours of absence. This was your little ritual, a remnant of normalcy in a world where nothing was normal.

“I didn’t manage to read much,” you sighed. He tilted his head slightly. It was almost cute. Almost. “I just can’t concentrate today. I’m having kind of a rough day.”

It would certainly be better if you were spending your time at home, with family and friends, rather than as the pet of your captor, but of course, you couldn’t say that to him. Not when you’d worked so hard for the privilege of a tablet and your own little human corner.

“But it’s nothing big,” you continued, fearing he’d decide it was his fault. “Humans sometimes have days like this. Tomorrow should be better.”

He shook his head.

Did he not believe you? That was a terrifying thought, one with unpleasant consequences, and it sparked a flash of fear. Fortunately, that spark faded as quickly as it had appeared when an image popped up on his face — a silly meme of a cat holding a rose with hearts around it. You stared at the absurd sight for a moment, trying— and failing —to understand where, why, or how. Finally, you gave up. Laughter escaped you for the first time in a very, very long time. You knew you shouldn’t be laughing; this creature should never be a source of comfort, shouldn’t make you feel better by doing the bare minimum of showing you a silly meme made by some grandma.

But, unfortunately, he succeeded. For the first time in a long time, you didn’t feel so miserable, so pathetic and dull. You felt human.

“Okay, that was actually funny.”

The cat was replaced by a smiling face. His strange, flat hand moved toward you, but slowly, so as not to scare you. A slender finger stroked your head, gently, with silent affection, then slid down to your chin. It lingered there. The gesture was almost romantic as if performed by a lover rather than a giant, silent robot. The image on his face flickered, showing another picture—a heart.

There were so many things you didn’t know about this being. You didn’t know his motives or intentions, the reasons for his actions. You didn’t know what he was or what else he was capable of. But this intention was unmistakable.

Beneath his tenderness, beneath every gentle gesture, laid feelings for you. And that was more terrifying than unfamiliarity — because now you knew you’d never escape this place. You'd never escape him.

this is what he showed you btw: