#i have read all of these at least twice
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The Lamb is malicious in a funny way and the Goat is funny in a malicious way. No, I will not elaborate.
Anyway, everyone give thanks to the Lamb for interrupting what was sure to be a very boring and patronizing PSA from their grouchy cat hubby. Truly, they are doing God's work. Granted, the Lamb canonically is God now, so, uh. Mostly they're just doing their own work.
Speaking of their grouchy cat hubby, yes this is absolutely still Narilamb, Narinder is 100% into his goofy-ass spouse always no matter what and we all know it, he just wasn't expecting his brand new adopted kid to share the same single goofy-ass brain cell as the Lamb. :)
#fanart#comics#cult of the lamb#cotl#narilamb the goat AU lmao#cotl narinder#cotl lamb#cotl goat#did i look up a photo of billy the kid to base the goat's outfit off of?#i plead the fifth your honor#for real tho guys#rams and lambs are for sheep#for goats you want bucks and billies#or if you're afabing your goat - does and nannies#(tho to be fair ram IS sometimes accepted for male goats also? instructions unclear on that front tbh)#also don't worry - i am never gonna be all YOU GOTTA USE THESE TERMS OR YOU'RE DUMB AND BAD#it just kinda makes me giggle when i see mixed up animal deets#don't even get me STARTED on cat deets tho lmao#if i had a nickel for every time i saw a fanfic writer give narinder a knot#i would have two nickels#which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice#at least the one where he was a wolf instead of a cat because the author didn't KNOW he was a cat made sense LOL#yeah i'm over here outing all the lemon fics i read idgaf#if you know which fics i'm talking about you can't even judge me anyway cuz we both been at the same devil's sacrament#i should go to bed
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"Jason was the happy robin" this, "jason was the angry robin" that. Let's all be fully honest here Jason was the lonely robin
#It gets worse the more i think about it aiguaoughhh#they pretty much retconned the people he was close to before the crisis. he only interacts with dick like once or twice#ive never seen him with barbara#he had no team#in terms of school he had rena(?) and then 3 friends that show up in an annual and never again#and obviously with the whole secret identity it hardly can be a close friendship. esp with how little theyre shown#in terms of super friends he had Danny and Kid Devil. which. one is mentioned off hand and theyre never seen together#and the other is from a short story and never brought up again#alfred has his praises sung but we never really see him connect with jay#all he had was BRUCE. and the only way to ever be with bruce is to be robin#is it really any wonder he chased after his mother? is it any wonder who chose to trust someone he hardly knew?#dc liveblog#jason todd#i feel so bad for him all the time for forever#ive just started reading comics after his death but before his resurrection. the hallucination jason era#and its seems to be shaping up to be with him written as the angry robin who never listened#which i Know is because of the writers. but in universe? it just feels like jason wasnt understood or known at all#doylist vs watsonian moment as they say#dc comics#batman comics#and he became a symbol of failure to batman So Quickly. not a memory but a reminder#and every trophy from his time as robin was taken out of the batcave. and every moment as jason was removed from (at least) bruces room#he was on call/on a list as a backup titan if they needed help but he wasnt With them. they teamed up twice#i cant remember if he meant it towards blood specifically or in general rn but he fully admitted to not being good/experienced enough#they didn't really know him and he didn't really know them#wait fuck was rena all pre-crisis. devastating. he stopped going on patrols n being robin for awhile when she was his gf#of course by then he was already A Hero who cant fully ignore how he can help so he eventually was like yeah we should stop a little#obviously there was that catwoman arc going on and i feel writers just liked keeping him away alot. but ough. he was so quick to stop when#there was someone There. and robin didn't have ti feel like all he had#anyway crisis got rid of her im sure. like harvey. when does 'pre and post crisis' actually start bc its not at the crisis its issues after
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there's no way the bathroom at peppino's pizza is actually that big but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ . hey ummm anyway.... i care them...... anyway there's a lil ramble on my take on fake pep's like psyche or whatever in tags on the og post if ur into that kinda thing :y
hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino]<- u are here [gustavo] [gerome] [noisette again]
#ramble after realtags yeag. shoutout to serrangelic btw suggesting the silhouettes thing bc i would have Died otherwise#pizza tower#peppino spaghetti#fake peppino#gustavo and brick#arting#pizzaposting#so anyway i think fake peppino has like. a general awareness that he is supposed to Be Peppino and that he was Made to do that#and likewise he does generally try to...do that. the thing he does NOT realize is hes like really goddamn bad at it#not to be mean but like...c'mon. they are pretty distinctly different kinds of guys even beyond the physiology yknow.#he's neither on-brand nor fooling anyone dsjdsjjkgfsd. BUT!#since the rest of the cast generally likes him [at least as I play it] he thinks hes doing just fine#he's like 'oh they r happy with me so i must be getting a good grade in being peppino :)'#so getting told that 'yeah you actually really suck at that but that was never the reason people liked you'#and told that by og model peppino no less--yknow THE guy he's supposed to be living up to#who's already a bit intimidating for that and who ALSO totally wrecked him TWICE in the tower#making him acutely familiar with just how formidable the guy is and how much there IS to live up to....#it's a Moment for sure. not really a sad or hurt one though. just... contemplative.#thinking abt people liking him for being the guy he's already naturally been being even though that guy is Not Peppino#i don't think he's gonna be super broken up about realizing he has a bad grade in peppino given everything else hes got now#nor do i really think he cares enough to go like reinvent himself or whatever after the fact#he seems to b pretty clearly having fun with it already so i think he just keeps doing that#and in some cases he still has the pre-installed peppino traits/instincts like to cooka da pizza. and that's fine#is this projection. yes. but if youve been following me awhile you know most of my character writing is ghdhfdgf#gonna kinda expand on all this in the gerome one which is...one after next. itll be a bit but man.#anyway peppino will never admit to anyone and especially not himself that he's gotten a little attached to the guy. hee hoo#pep tends to be kinda surly but he certainly has his ways of showing he cares. all of which are on display here#''that thing is not my son'' says man currently watching thing's antics with the 'bemused dad' arms crossed pose. yeah ok buddy.#gus is totally onto him already but hes not gonna say anything.#if u read all this ur prize is not having to go decode fp's rot13. his lines are ''meant to be you...?'' and ''wrong question.''
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MHA didn't create some miracle way of helping others. It was never promised to be this way. And when it came to villains...
Spoilers for manga all the way to chapter 423.
The only way to get anything in life in MHA was to be born "normal" like everyone else and that way of thinking never left Izuku with Toga getting the same treatment she did before from everyone from her family to her "normal" classmates. It was Ochako who helped Toga even if just a little by lifting the weight of all the feelings that Toga had.
She couldn't save Toga the way one could save a civilian by saving them from harm. If it worked that way Dabi would've saved Toga even before Ochako could apologize for failing to notice Toga. She was so lazer focused on saving everyone else, that she was just another villain to stop, not a human.
Even if by the end of it Ochako helped Toga to deal with her grief, acceptance as it was wasn't something possible when a quirk makes you want to drink someone's blood from jealousy.
We got a bittersweet ending with Toga, in which she probably died from blood loss just like her double did in MVA. If it wasn't for Twice she would've died back then.
Giving away her blood for Ochako wasn't a redemption or a way to save Toga in the end, more as it was her being true to herself until the very end.
Just like Twice chose to stay with the League even if Hawks offered him a way to survive that battle. He refused and died protecting his friends who accepted him instead of choosing to betray them and accept Hawks' offer.
After Twice's death... It was a matter of time that more 'active' LoV members would join him as well. As sad as it is, we now can return to Izuku.
Who, after his time OFA-AFO quirk space, now wanted to help a "crying boy" he saw in Tenko just as before with Katsuki in chapter 1. He didn't forgive Tomura and didn't excuse the way he chose to solve his problems.
It didn't mean that Tomura would survive in their battle, even if Izuku didn't see killing others as a way to solve problems. He didn't understand Tomura, but he still wanted to try, and try he did.
The rest of this post was nothing more than a contextual prologue to understand that it's not the first time a hero failed to save a villain and in Twice's case we know that he died and his death was the reason Toga started thinking about her own possible death and Dabi finally revealed himself as Toya.
The goal of saving a "crying boy" never was an end-goal for Izuku in the Final arc, since helping Tomura deal with his feelings just left him hollow with a goal that clashed with Izuku's. As being a hero for villains meant destroying the world for them to help them live freely.
But that was before AFO resurfaced.
Sadly after that Tomura who was talking about making his own choices for a while now stopped doing that. Even if he still had a goal of helping villains and only villains, Tomura was almost gone. And his goals were now unreachable.
Izuku helped Nana who in turn kept Tomura from fading away entirely. In MHA there were countless situations where Izuku's help affected people by helping a different person to keep hope, All-Might being the first one and Nana being the last one at the moment.
Hollow after Izuku helped him to get rid of his hatred Tomura could do the only thing he did - accept the situation as it was.
Accepting AFO as his Sensei, accepting Stain's ideals and Overhaul's deal was the way he solved his problems. Just like Izuku had a problem of understanding something outside of his norm, Tomura was accepting too many things, which lead to his downfall after accepting AFO's quirk.
Just like Twice could've given up everything that he had for his friends so did Tomura.
With Izuku helping as much as he could let Tomura to finally rest as he wasn't really living ever since waking up in the hospital. With his body now affected by AFO's wishes instead of his own until the end.
In a way Izuku didn't succeed in his wish for Tomura to stop ever since PLF war arc. As he "kept fighting to destroy" no matter how hard Izuku tried to stop him.
The only thing he succeeded in was changing Tomura's mind about himself, instead of viewing himself as a monster he accepted that he was a human just like Izuku said. A "crying boy" who couldn't really destroy Izuku's hands in the end.
For a group of Villains who weren't supposed to get profiles of their own at the start of the series, League is slowly fading as the most memorable group that there was in MHA, getting backstories, their own Villain themed arc all the while being as human as anyone else.
As sad as their story is they were not "unlucky", they didn't need a happy false ending where they would need to change to be normal - they chose to live this way and they lived it to it's fullest.
#bnha#bnha manga spoilers#bnha analysis#league of villains#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#toga himiko#mha twice#midoriya izuku#ochako uraraka#todoroki touya#dabi#spinner#shuichi iguchi#not art#While writing this I've been rewriting it time and time again#But by the end of it I just started crying because god... I didn't want them to end like this#Also I finally found the tracks that connect to the scene of Twice's death#Which may or may not have been a reason I started crying#Anyway the reason I wrote this was as simple as that - I read Twitter got sad and needed some way to cope#Because I'm getting sick from all 'oh they'll survive' yes HEROES might survive all of this VILLAINS would not#Magne died Twice died wnd Kurogiri literally became a cloud in the sky#I do hope that Spinner would be at least alive because leaving Mr. Compress alone with no sushi too is just too cruel#While writing this I suddenly found myself so frustrated with Izuku that my last tries to write this ended in a trashcan instead#it's so fucked up#To be a LoV stan and see how Class 1-A is getting the best ending they can with so much hope while LoV is... Dead :(#this is a mess
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This is an analysis of Kaveh and Alhaitham’s argument posted on the Port Ormos bulletin board!! Because it is crazy actually!!
I think this exchange of theirs out of the three posted throughout Sumeru is particularly interesting, and this is due Alhaitham openly expressing that Kaveh does not understand what Alhaitham is really trying to say to him: “I have never denied what you meant, but you don’t understand what I am saying to you at all.”
This exchange is relevant in various ways in exploring the motif of communication. As according to their usual rapport, the two disagree over their differing philosophies, as in sensibility versus rationality, however, Alhaitham’s particular concerns in Kaveh spending his money on “nonsense” highlights the underlying reason for this exchange. From this comment, the argument is recontextualised through Alhaitham’s intention for getting involved, as Kaveh prompts the workmen to take his money in order to help them out.
When Alhaitham states that this is a meaningless action due to the inevitability of people rising or falling on their own accord, rather than solely critiquing Kaveh’s “impulsiv[e]” altruism, as Kaveh interprets, Alhaitham is directly contradicting his own comment – as he is interfering on Kaveh’s decisions.
As concern is evidently the intention behind his interference, Kaveh cannot perceive this, and instead attempts to critique Alhaitham’s perspective in return, although Alhaitham states: “Make no mistake. I have never denied what you meant…” This response asserts that Alhaitham does not deny, but rather agrees with, Kaveh’s statement of “mutual assistance, fairness, and righteous anger” driving the world.
In lieu of this, rather than continuing the argument, Alhaitham claims that there is no point to it, as Kaveh does not understand what he is saying, as in, Kaveh does not understand that his intentions in interfering are out of concern. He follows this up, regardless, by criticising Kaveh’s handling of his budget, as, evidently, Kaveh has offered to give his own money to these workmen, and refuses to pay for Kaveh’s drinks for that month.
For Alhaitham, Kaveh’s lack of self-prioritisation leads him to impulsive altruistic acts which serve to jeopardise his own position, particularly regarding money. If Kaveh can afford to give away money, he can afford to pay his own tabs, is the takeaway from this exchange. Although, similarly to the exchange between them posted in Puspa’s Café, this applies to one particular month, insinuating that Alhaitham will continue to pay for next month’s tabs of his own accord.
The main argument, as well as the disagreement over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote, serves as a humorous exchange, but as a motif for communication it acquires a new meaning. The two hold perspectives which contrast the other which puts them on unequal footing, demonstrated within the argument over the speaker of Kaveh’s quote. Although it is not disclosed who is actually in the right, both are convinced of their respective viewpoint. There is an element missing here, a potential solution to this problem, and it lies within the idea of “correctness” established within A Parade of Providence.
The omission of there being an objective, correct answer to this particular debate serves as a parallel to their conflicting viewpoints, with the basis of their exchange being to “prove” to the other their “correctness” – here, it is in regard to Kaveh.
However, “correctness” being the basis of their exchange, and thus, relationship, is challenged with Alhaitham shutting down the initial debate due to Kaveh’s misunderstanding of his meaning. Correctness, then, and its importance, is called into question within this exchange, with Kaveh being the one to chase it; his last message being that he would “prove” himself to be right.
At the core of this bulletin board exchange is the idea that Alhaitham harbours an alternative ‘meaning’ than the one that Kaveh assigns to him: “… you don’t understand what I’m saying to you at all.” This is a meaning which Kaveh cannot perceive due to his current understanding of Alhaitham. This represents the standing of their current relationship, where Kaveh believes Alhaitham holds him in disdain, although this belief is incongruous with Alhaitham’s actions which show his care for Kaveh.
In these instances of communication through the Bulletin Boards, it is interesting to note that Kaveh is revealed to have been drunk and “scribbling” on these notice boards, and hopes that Alhaitham does not know.
Although this is a humorous detail, it adds another layer to the unreliability of their method of communication, as Kaveh has no recollection of these exchanges with Alhaitham, and therefore could not have properly interpreted Alhaitham due to an altered state of mind. It is uncertain whether Alhaitham is aware of Kaveh’s being drunk whilst responding to him, or whether he is believed to have been lucid, which creates another element of unreliability in their exchanges.
Alhaitham understands Kaveh’s thinking and the reasons for why he acts as he does, but he cannot articulate his concern in a way that Kaveh will understand, both out of Kaveh’s incapability of receiving goodwill, but also due to his logical manner of expression. Kaveh perceives Alhaitham’s concealed expressions of concern as personal gripes and criticisms of his beliefs, and therefore believes that their relationship is based on the scholarly principle of proving the validity of one’s philosophies.
The Port Ormos Bulletin Board reinforces the core essence of their relationship: Alhaitham is invested in a personal regard, whereas Kaveh cannot see this due to his perception of Alhaitham and Alhaitham’s inability to communicate in a way Kaveh would understand.
(Update: For more analyses like this, the essay this is taken from is now uploaded! It can be accessed here and here as as a pdf <3)
#i have analysed the other two bulletin exchanges as well!!#but this one has stood out to me the most ever since i read it#alhaitham has expressed to kaveh at least twice that kaveh misunderstands him#this occassion and in a parade of providence with: the issue we’re debating has long since moved on from whos right or wrong#or something of that accord#but will kaveh ever hear this if alhaitham doesnt express this in a way that cannot be misunderstood#also i love the incessant mention in all of the sumeru posts that alhaitham pays for kavehs tabs#not just his drinks but everything on a bill#and whenever they have a clash like this alhaitham drops a month and then picks up every other month#kaveh how are you seeing that he really doesnt have to do that#the line: you dont understand what im saying to you at all is so CRAZY to me and it HAUNTS me because isnt that it??#isnt that the core issue???? or one of them at least plsss they have so many#the essay editing is coming along!! thank you for your patience!! its the longest essay ive written :((#alhaitham#haikaveh#kaveh#kavetham#haikaveh meta
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tas gale calling john “baby” makes my knees go weak
i giggled bc same. but also i hope ur knees are okay after ch7 <33
#tough and sweet fic#trying to remember to post more snippets/progress ig#the wc for this chapter is getting ridiculous tho s.o.s#also i have over 100 asks in my inbox now MY BADDD. please know i read them all and smile SO MUCH it makes my day truly 🥺💗#same with the rbs on my snippets and the tas edit omg u don't even know. i come back and reread at least twice a day i'm sooo <333 wtf#johnslittlespoon asks
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A princeling fair to see, the pearl of minstrelsy [Oltyx/Yenekh snippet]
(I started scribbling this after seeing @eleooooooo's take on necrontyr Yenekh a few days ago, holy hell that boy is fine. And such a fine boy deserved another. IDK if I'm going to make this a full thing, but it's been a long time without any content from my end... and we could all do with something sweet, always 👍)
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On the day Kynazh Oltyx's statue was unveiled on Sedh Yenekh recognized the sweetbitter inkling of his fate.
News seldom came so fast in fringeworlds such as theirs. The young prince had recently returned from war, and the dynast Unnas in his pride had commissioned for him this statue, a copy of which was to be instilled in every world held by Ithakas. As Yenekh made his way to the central square, it seemed that over half the planet had joined him to bear witness. Patriot champion, the whole city whispered, a fine lad and a strong warrior, a true leader to his men. And since the lot of everybody on Sedh was tied to the mercy of their high command, they were very interested to know what this one promised, and were all in all pleasantly surprised.
Yenekh had never seen anything like it. Royalty for him had always been stoic. Aloof and distant, most of the time, crushingly immediate when they deigned to gaze upon Sedh. That was how Unnas was depicted, indeed all the kings of Ithakas before him, towering over the people in their bold-faced majesty. That was how Kynazh Djoseras was depicted, the elder prince who'd drawn similar crowds some years before, his slim face uncannily stern as he stared straight ahead of him. (Unlike his father he was only ever shown alone, and only as a side profile, though his judging gaze was felt by all who saw him.)
But there was no precedent for Oltyx's statue, not among royalty, nemesors or overlords. His was a full-body sculpture, unlike his father and his brother carved in friezes. It was of realistic size too; the statue was set on a high plinth, the bodily proportions slightly magnified to account for perspective, but otherwise one could almost believe it was the real kynazh standing up there. Already that was too down to earth to be the norm, but what really shocked the denizens of Sedh was the expression - for yes, Kynazh Oltyx had an expression, a genuine marker of personality. The fair prince stood with glaive in one hand, the other held palm-up as if in hail, and he was smiling.
It was not a vivid smile, nor a triumphant smile. They would have understood that, although privately, they might've thought it uncouth to show that much emotion when a stoic stare would have done just as well. No, his was a demure smile, so subtle that it seemed a sculptor's secret grace: the prince's eyes were slightly downcast, hooded as if he were sharing sweet mysteries, and the curve of his mouth rose so delicately one might think it a trick of the light. His raised arm seemed almost inviting, as if to swear oaths to a lover, or to clasp his admirers in an embrace.
It was a sight to take Yenekh's breath away. Indeed, it was the closest thing to benevolence any of them had ever seen from the heart of Antikef. It was so unusual, so unlike royalty, that as Yenekh stood there starstruck his elders began debating whether this was a serious depiction of the prince or not.
Though, well, surely it was. Like Yenekh and the other warriors of his ilk Kynazh Oltyx had come of age during wartime. This was the first time his image had been presented all over the Ithakan kemmeht, the royal court had to get it right. The dominant consensus was that the sculpture would not have been approved, neither by his older brother nor his father, if it hadn't reflected something about the prince's reality - a point which Yenekh's father considered paramount, and took great care to impress upon his son.
"After all, you are soon to present yourself at the royal court," he said, resting a warm hand on Yenekh's shoulder. "The war is over - the body politic, within and out of Antikef, must resume its role - you are the next branch of Sedh's nobility, and among our finest, and it won't be long before the future of this world rests on your shoulders. Go, see if you might seek the younger prince's favour. I daresay we'd flourish somewhat if he were to look kindly upon Sedh, even if it were he alone who did so."
Back then nothing was more important to Yenekh than the will of his father. "I will." He said, and prepared to present his home in the best light, though he didn't seriously think anything would come of it at the time. Yenekh's father had once heard the same words from his father. His father's father, too, and that father's brother all the way up the House of Aetis, and little had changed for their pains.
It was not for lack of faith in Sedh. Yenekh loved Sedh, thought the world of it even, but they were just too far away from the crownworld to merit royal attention. That was not for lack of faith in Antikef, either, the distance was not negotiable. From the royal court's perspective Sedh was not even in the provinces, they were beyond the provinces, where the kemmeht was stretched so thin that one might peer through it like a veil. The lords of Sedh were not weak - they'd defended the border for uncountable generations, they had strength, they had pride - but there were a million things they could beg of royalty, while royalty required nothing from Sedh other than its continued obedience. If its lords did not plead for grace they wouldn't see any at all.
How could Yenekh alone possibly change this state of affairs?
Yes, he supposed the young prince was wondrous fair. (Yenekh began to dream of him often from the day he laid eyes on the statue.) Perhaps he might even be kind. That wasn't a good reason to tie an entire world's hopes on one person, not that it'd stopped them doing it to Yenekh. Such is the kinship of youth, the warrior thought wryly, and he kept all this in mind until his first official engagement came around.
He was among innumerable youths from the kemmeht. All were sturdy and bright-eyed. All had favours to seek. Much to Yenekh's surprise, those were the only correct predictions he'd made about his lot. It was his first time encountering the royal court, but it wasn't at Antikef; no, it was with the Nihilakh, at Gheden's famous Lantern Festival to hail the new year. He did not blend in as thoroughly as he'd expected, though it wasn't in a bad way; for the first time in his life Yenekh was made to understand he was beautiful, though no one at Sedh had ever remarked on it. (Compared to the lords of the inner worlds he'd thought he was so plain, but his white-and-blue robes accentuated his form gracefully, his silver belt and collar shining bright.) And although he could never have hoped for a prince to look directly upon him, that was exactly what Kynazh Oltyx did on the day they met, the central square teeming with the lords of a hundred dynasties.
Yenekh knew the prince at once, at the faintest snatch of his rich warm voice. He moved carefully past the youths of Ithakas - the kynazh was turning his head, just as Yenekh reached the front of the group - as Oltyx looked upon the darkest and faintest star of his high kingdom, his brown eyes widened, and he smiled that same gentle smile Yenekh had admired upon the plinth.
"Gosh." He said. "You're pretty."
In that instant Yenekh was consumed by love's first flame, and he yielded to it as he’d never yielded before.
#warhammer 40k#wh40k#the twice dead king#oltyx#yenekh#necrons#necron#snippet#fanfiction#it made sense that oltyx would be damnatio memoriae'd after his exile#but man was it sad to read there hadn't been all that many depictions of him at antikef to begin with anyway 😭#i wanted to imagine there had been at least one beautiful thing of him scattered around the ithakan kemmeht#so that all would bear witness to his bold and compassionate self#and i want to believe yenekh had a huge fucking crush on him even from their necrontyr days... i mean dude WAS a whole god damn prince!!!#he was swole as fuck and a war hero how could they not have revered him........ ghghhghg 😳🥴🙃
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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Just went to uni and instead of doing anything spent 3h agonising about ending my relationship. I'm sure this is good and normal
#it. idk I just don't really wanna be single rn and deal with all of that#and also I have silvester and first new year weekend plans hinging on this person and I kinda really don't want to find something else to do#but by god#I mean maybe my expectations are just too high as to how much I see my partner (doubtful)#or her lifestyle (has a shitton of things going on) and personality (not super communicative) are just not suited for polyamory#(and I have the same problems but I'm not the person who has two partners)#(and the fact that I can't really get a read whatsoever on her other partner is not helpful. like we vibe on occasion but mostly#I just do not get him at all)#but idk. like. we see each other like twice a week and those are like. during dance and for a pubquiz#and maybe going to the library#and it's just like to my expectations we are barely doing the bare minimum I need to have my emotional needs met#so whenever something falls through I am immediately devastated#but again I feel like 'I would like to see you outside of a social engagement with our friends at least once a week#and additionally also would like to sleep in the same bed as you at least once a week' are not high expectations whatsoever#and yet ....#when did we last have sex? Oh idk in october? maybe? I don't remember#which is that super important to me in a relationship? no. but like I don't think it's bc neither of us is interested#it's bc since then we have not managed to sleep in the same bed while neither of us was either on their period or extremely tired#and idk maybe I should write this to them instead of like. venting on tumblr. like this is also very much on me#but like#idk maybe it just also is a sign that maybe I don't care so much about this relationship. but also I feel like I still care more than her.#which isn't great#idk advice?#it's just. this current situation has me regularly having several hour breakdowns bc shit's not working out once again.#and that situation I really don't like
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if your ocs were bosses in a video game, what do you think their boss fight would be like?
#red rambles#im thinking about this with mine and curious what other people have thought up#sidebar: i have been thinking about things like 'mechamics' and 'the kinds of attacks they'd use' and 'phases' and 'gimmicks'#i havent detailed them all here because i figured it wouldn't be what other people wanted to read#unfortunately it seems also everyone else thinks this. i want to hear about your mechanics....#so i guess ill go add mine in#kit and kat would be a pair of optional bosses who you fight together - kit a dex build who moves into a strength+dex combo in her second#phase; she doesn't get a second health bar#but it gets dramatically harder to hit her and she stops getting stunned nearly as easily in the second phase#and her hits get much harder#KAT (her gimmick partner) also has a second phase#if you haven't killed Kit before you activate Kat's second phase#(Kat gets a second health bar) she teleports herself and Kit out of the boss fight arena and (as they're optional)#this technically means you can progress but you get no winnings#and the next time you come back they're there again#im imagining them like ds1r havel where he's just like in a shortcut. they're camping a door#anyway you have to fully kill Kit to#get to kill Kat#and her second phase will activate when Kit dies in that case#and she'll go from infrequent but hard-hitting long-distance attacks to frequent long-distance attacks with less intensity behind them#and a set of melee attacks that do a lot of damage but require her to grapple you so if you don't get grabbed you're alright#meanwhile rex (the other one i discussed on discord) is a mainline boss who keeps dying and then just showing up again but he dies like#his ass is DEAD he's not walking off he DIES. okay?#you have to kill him at least twice for the mainline quest and there's even more optional places you can kill him#the first three or four sequential fights (only one of which is mainline) he's human the whole time#the second mainline fight he changes forms and his second phase is in dragon form#and he doesn't get a second health bar or anything but he does get aoe fire attacks#and gets to visibly take damage at increasing levels before you kill him#he also has a mechanic where on his last dot of health he can absorb like 4x the normal amount of damage#so when he should be one hit away from death he is in fact four or five hits away from death
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Insomnia is letting up off and on, but I'm still super jelly brained from it case in point, I want to continue back with posting WIPs for the aired pages, but I can't remember what page I left off on now lmao (guess I'll have to dig through my blog to check... eesh. at least it's decently organized by tags?) Not a result of goo brain, really, but equally "AUGH" is that I let my screen protector go for too long without replacing it and now it's slick as snot and I don't have a replacement handy to put on it. This isn't a resulting consequence of goo brain but it does mean I'm going to be trying to draw without any traction while I'm already loopy. Good times ahead!
#shut up pu#I"ve had problems with insomnia my whole life so I'm sadly used to this#it comes and it goes#and right now it's in the middle of a big angry come#what do you mean that wording is atrocious??#it gets the point across#ordered a new screen for the draw slab so I've at least been proactive in fixing the problem#the only other problem is I hate drawing on brand new fresh screens too lol bad finger feel#only the middle screen is good for both fingies and pens#anyway the parts of chapter 3 I really love are coming up over the horizon#part of me does wish I would have tweaked the pacing of chapter 3 a little when realizing the usual posting schedule wasn't going to work#after real life delays all butted into production time bc chapter 3 was still paced for the 2 - 3 pages a week schedule#reading it all at once it still carries that pacing but I do feel a bit bad about the way it has felt at once a week#very occasionally twice lol#but I'm just a stickler for pacing so it bothers me personally probably more than it bothers literally anyone#knowing what it's meant to feel like on the proper release schedule vs. the slower release schedule is largely my own problem#and I'm feeling that extra hard right now because I'm having to do prep work for designing and asseting a new set#which saves a huge amount of time in the long run but slows things down in the immediate now#aka: I want to draw characters and story wahhh why am I making set pieces#also hey where the fuck's that stupid fox at he's even in the story synopsis write up where is he#get in the story proper you piece of shit#hello I am sleep deprived and rambling about comic production how are you doing
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I may have been writing evil things but it's okay because I have a pebbles top scars concept with a spinkle of sunstone and another sunstone one where pebbles gets caught lovingly gazing at suns with a spinkle of gjinka bs
#both have just a tiny bit of suns' issues but it's very tame and only mentioned once or twice in a kinda silly way#like suns has paint that can stay on an iterator puppet created by one of their atrisans but it burns a little#and they forgot they have a high pain tolerance from nearly covering their entire body in ythe stuff#and for the other it just mildly touches on their worries and trouble reading emotions (getting better tho ^^)#they are both very sweet tho and I'd love to at least draw a bit of both because writing hard#also not related at all but I love spelling sprinkle as spinkle it's just so fun to say and very silly#anyways tee hee exclpodes
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#kirby#daily kirby#my art#digital#hal laboratory#nintendo#I don't really like. get all those long-title isekai.#(tbh I don't really get isekai at all but especially those long-title ones are just way not for me.)#(like at least like an inuyasha or whatever has some elements I can vibe with)#(but uh. not these ones.)#(or like a gentle nobleman's vacation recommendation is technically isekai but the isekaied nobleman is a bright mysterious stranger)#(instead of a clueless everyman buffoon for ladies to fall on top of)#(and he wasn't isekaied from our world *or* to our world)#(which makes it more interesting)#(I've only read one volume tho tbf)#(whoops the title is gentle noble not gentle nobleman)#(I have a lot of opinions on manga)#(partially because I'm too ill to read many novels as evidenced by typoing this tag twice)#(but manga is easier for me to follow cuz there's clear visuals instead of having to translate text into spatial information)
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twst book 7 part 5 felt like such an attack on me personally. i slightly edit silver's official art to make him look more like riku from kingdom hearts, mostly as a joke based on how similar they already look, and then suddenly a few months later i'm getting silver vibes from lizz robinett's lyrics to riku's theme
#at least sebek was there to help silver speedrun this character arc#imagine how much different kh would be if sora and riku found each other again like right after kh1 ended#also silver hallucinating himself looking like the knight of dawn has riku taking on ansem's appearance during kh2 vibes#and the knight of dawn has long hair like kh2 riku#my theory on why mickey seems to know silver is he subconciously recognizes him as being partially twisted from his kh bestie riku. /hj#sorry i am just sooooo not normal about all this#anyway i have now read this whole update twice in a row. oops#twisted wonderland spoilers#twst spoilers#twisted wonderland liveblog
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Lee oneshot is now at 6.6k words….i can see the light at the end of the tunnel
#rambles#God am I excited to finally read this story through like at least twice from start to finish before showing it to my beta reader#I do often make myself reread what I wrote for it so I don’t get lost but like I still haven’t finished writing the ending#I haven’t fully experienced this story which I should for all of the works I write#I have a nasty habit of not reading through my work which I’m trying to break. No posting until I read it fully thru now yall
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shoutout to walmart for doing more for my community than the government officials are
#the situation here is being handled so poorly 👍#there was a news article i read that listed everything city officials said they were doing#but have given no evidence or proof of ACTUALLY doing and the article said they would continue reaching out#bc the officials were not responding to them#it took fucking KEMP for us to finally request federal aid#we weren't under a state of emergency until 2 hours AFTER the hurricane hit#i just#its fucking ridiculous#but there are some walmarts providing water hot meals wifi spots charging stations#abd i saw shower and layndry services listed as well ???#while the city gave out water twice in a location that was out of the way for much of the city#during a time when getting gas is a 4+ hour trip#while we're under a curfew#AND they cut our water for 2 days while none of us had power and it was 80-90F outside daily#now we're on a boil advisory#which again so much of the city can't do without POWER#but at least i could shower so long as i was careful jfjsjcj#anyway#yeah. YEAH.#fuck this city fuck our government fuck our mayor#hopefully biden approves our request for assistance and then maybe we can actually get something happening down here#sorry i just#i read about the walmart stuff and remembered all of the nothing happening from our government#and got angry#also i went to one of the water things they did yesterday and ended up just driving home bc the line was SO LONG#and like i get it i do but maybe idk have more than one set up in different areas??#or have it last longer than an hour or two????#idk. idk. im annoyed.#shh ac
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