#i have my gripes of course happy to get into them sometime but its like fine. i love many of the episodes!

[cube-cumb3r]

i know its been said before by 13 era enjoyers but it truely is deeply obnoxious how some people cannot say anything nice about RTD without making it about Chibnall

[abysshare]

Wow..i saw the leaks and just. Wow.

I was hoping they were fake and its everything i hate in a series. I was biting my tongue until i saw the episodes but here we are.

Before i go into spoilers i do want to say that i AM grateful that we even got anymore of Arcane, but sometimes less is more.

Spoilers underneath

Edit: these are kinda messy thoughts.

My biggest gripes:

Too many plot points for a finale

Family trade in ( Bio sister for found sister for bio sister again )

Vander dying, Alive but fucked up, okay, fucked up again, dead, alive but fucked up, dead.

Not bringing up Isha at all??? Not even a quick funeral?

People being brought back to life but Isha and Jinx has to die.

Jinx has to sacrifice herself to save Vi and herself. 😒

The SEX scene.

Better explaination:

Too many Plot points:

I knew it was gonna be too many. I KNOW we needed answers/resolved plots, as well as needing things to make sense. But it.. was too much. Like most media at this point.

Family Trade In:

So... no one really talks about this trope? Or whatever you want to call it. But it bugs me, so much. If you don't know what I'm talking about..

To me a family trade in is when a Character, no matter their role, has family, turns evil or gets lost and finds a family of their own, and then when it seems perfect for them, they end up back with their original family because the new family died for them/their old family or they just.. don't belong/want to go.

Perfect example that isn't Arcane: Amphibia. Anne has to leave her adoptive found family from another universe and can never go back ( until she dies basically ). As well as her friends have to leave their found families as well and also cannot go back. Anne loves both her families..

And while i understand life isn't fair, and that people are allowed to not want to stay here or there.. it just bugs me the trope is to always trade back in for the old.

With Jinx, she "loses" Vi ( and yes Silco but it isn't about him right now ), And gets Isha. I KNEW the second i saw her she was gonna die ( this isn't a bash against those who didn't see it coming ( /genuine ) at some point. While i adore Isha and i am fine with Jinx adopting her, i am not okay with the writers choice of adding her just to kill her and be practically a trade in for Vi later on.

It sucks. I'll just say it out right.

And i want to be very clear. By trade in i do NOT mean replace. I know Isha was never a replacement for Vi ( or Powder ).

Again, i know life sucks, and you just don't get everything you want in this world, especially when it comes to war. But since this is a trope or at least a thing i see constantly, whether its in a pg way or an R rated way... its annoying.

Which brings me to....

People dying / Jinx / Vander:

Why? Other than shock value?

Jinx Dies, and it felts uncomfortable to me as a Psychotic/Schizospec person like her. She should have lived, she should have been able to find her own happiness after properly grieving Isha.

Isha Dies, happy to do so for her big sister(s), but like.. it ends up not being worth it. It both does and doesn't. She saved them time but then-

Vander. Vander is killed, then brought back to life in a fucked up way, then okay for awhile, then fucked up again, then dies ( by Isha ) and then is fucked up again and alive, and then dead.......... and then fucked up and alive again! And then dies, with Jinx!

It doesn't feel satisfying. Of course that one moment was very sweet and worth it. But oh my god? Why do it at all if you're just gonna kill and reanimate him again and again. Its not shocking its annoying by the third time and a joke by the fourth.

Viktor.. Same deal with him? And I'm not even clear if he is dead or just fucked off to space-time with Jayce, but still. It wasn't shocking anymore. Or thrilling. Just like "ah. Okay. Cool mask".

Heimerdinger... when i read the leaks i thought he was gonna die. Then i was watching and thought "oh no okay, he's gonna stay in that universe. Thats nice he deserves that". Nope. He's either also dead or also in space time. I just sighed really hard rather than be sad.

And finally.. The Doctor's daughter gets to live- AND HIMSELF- even he gets a happy ending? Over Jinx or Vi? What.. i mean yes Vi gets Caitlyn , but.. ? Ugh

The Sex scene:

I'm glad for Sapphic rep i really really am. I like Caitvi a lot as well. But this didn't feel comfortable for me. Not because it was an intimate moment, but because neither of them talked things out properly. On top of that it was really random.

Vi was upset, then suddenly horny for i guess.. make up or grief sex? Or both? And Cait was obviously fine with it, but then to suddenly try and talk about Maddie. I'm glad Vi wasn't the typical ">:( you fucked someone else while i was hurting?!" It was so... random. This is why they needed to talk before hand. At LEAST say it before getting into it.

And doing it in Jinx's cell? It feels so.. weird and wrong in a way? I don't know how to describe it.

TLDR: what in the five marvel hells was that other than visuals pretty

[fireflyatlast]

As promised: Rite Here Rite Now Review

Spoiler free above the cut, spoilers WILL be under the cut. (Word count: 1110)

Wow wow wow. In simple terms, RHRN was incredible. The recordings were edited very well, the crowd was great, the vocals were amazing as always, and the long-awaited continuation of the chapters was very satisfying.

As a newer fan (really started listening right when Re-Imperatour was ending) I unfortunately never got the chance to ever see any shows live. However, despite my newer status, I have made Ghost a key part of my interests. (ask any of my lovely irl friends, they've had the misfortune of hearing my rants.) I've watched countless interviews and old rituals in order to make up for lost time, but never have I felt more immersed in any Ghost media than I did when I saw the KIA shows on the big screen. It didn't feel like I was in row G seat 12 of my "local" mall's Regal Cinema, it felt like I was right there in LA.

The opening 5 minutes as Square Hammer plays softly in the background was great. Because there wasn't much going on on the screen, everyone in the theater that I was in was softly humming or singing to themselves quietly (Side note: I was worried that people would be super disruptive as the movie was going on, and I was really happy to not have those worries realized. My theater was respectful for the most part, and the only time anyone sang was during that five-minutes of not much.) It felt very nice to belong amongst such a nice community irl. As an introverted neurodivergent, sometimes I struggle to find places or people welcoming or sharing my interests. So being in a theater full of people who love the same thing as me, as much as me, was such a nice feeling.

The cinematography during the entirety of RHRN was great, with my personal favorite segment being Con Clavi Con Dio. The editing was really nice for the most part, and I love the development Cardi was given throughout the movie. I feel my one gripe with the filming is that while we did get great perspective shots on the ghouls, we didn't get much of their personalities. And yes, I get that technically they are just hired musicians and not the main focus by any means, I think it just would have been nice to see more than just a handful of clips of them interacting with each other or Papa.

All in all, RHRN was a wonderful experience and I strongly suggest any Ghost fan out there gives it a watch.

And now its time for my more story-based review. Spoilers under the cut!!

Again, wow. I was pretty excited to finally get some more of the chapters, I'm a big fan of anything that has "lore" even if it doesn't need it, so I definitely owe the chapters a thanks for really getting me into Ghost.

I was thrilled to find that we finally had a true conformation of Cardi's parents. I had always theorized that while Nihil was Copia's father, Copia had come from an affair with the audience members in the Kiss the Go-Goat music video, and that Imperator was Copia's adoptive mother after Nihil's abandonment of him. It's good to know I was wrong rather than not I guess.

Something I also enjoyed was the constant foreshadowing of Sister's death. It wasn't very subtle, but its definitely something I only connected the dots to at the end. Whenever we saw Sister, we saw pills. Lots and lots of pills. I had originally brushed this off as a background joke, but once Cardi reads her note, I realized that the pills were for her unnamed "condition." I think going into it, all of us knew someone would die, I just personally thought that someone would be Copia, not Sister.

That after-credit scene was amazing too. I loved Cardi's new outfit, and the conformation that yes, there will have to be another papa. Which obviously, yes, of course there has to be a new papa, but now, it just feels so much more real. Speaking of the new papa I WISH WE COULD HAVE SEEN HIM AAH! I get cliffhangers, but he was RIGHT THERE!

I'm excited for the next era and the next papa, the next costume of the ghouls. I have a theory though. I see a lot of people being stressed about the changing of the ghoul costumes with the new era, but I think we have one more cycle with the Impera masks. I've noticed that each mask and costume stays the same for two cycles. Opus to Infestissumam, the only thing that changed was the costumes becoming more remnant of Catholic ministry-wear. From Meliora to Prequelle, the masks stayed mostly the same, now with an added more feminine looking mask and more "suit like" outfits over religious attire. I definitely think we have one more era with the Impera masks, but different costumes. Also speaking of the ghouls one of them talked!! I think it was Mountain, but honestly I have a shit memory and it could have been anyone.

Onto my focus on who Cardi actually is. I am so happy we finally got more of a look into his mind now that he is papa. I feel like his personality when he was Cardinal was very timid and awkward, however I never thought he would stay that way at all. I like that he's way more confident now, to the point that he's questioning the higher authority of the ministry and their ways. I love that this confidence is partly just a mask to keep his fears of death hidden. I think his fears manifesting as an angry, questioning personality gives him a lot more depth than if he just gained confidence through his performances, which obviously happened too, don't get me wrong.

The last thing I want to discuss is the credit song, "The Future is a Foreign Land." First off, loved it. It was great musically, and the uncertainty in the lyrics fit very well with all of our uncertainty about the next cycle. Second off, I can't be the only one who think it sounds very similar to Subvision. I personally love Subvision, and even if its only for that one song, I'm super glad that style was revived for Ghost.

In conclusion, I love the developments made in RHRN, and I am more than excited for whatever is next. I think my brain will have to marinate on what I saw a bit more, maybe then I'll have some actual theories.

[codenamesazanka]

i dropped mha awhile ago bc it was getting a bitttt too copaganda-y for me and you are like one of three mha blogs i still follow i tuned back in again just to find out the ending im so sorry to shigaraki he shouldve at least been allowed to destroy mount fuji rip king he’ll be spitting on heroes from the skys now….. the kinda split reaction between the japanese fans and western fans is interesting to me it kinda feels like fans are reacting to two different stories? or like focused on very different aspects? anyways thanks for what you do keep it up 👍🏻

Thank you for all your follow and love for all these years!!!! <3333 i'm really happy and grateful and I hope i've kept you entertained the whole time!!!!

Yeah, BnHA is very adamant about its Heroes! So! Cool! Worship Them Like Gods! thing. Just when you think it'll be deconstructing the concept of Hero Society, All Might comes back to be fueled by the wishing energy of the world to inject acid into his opponent. Quite a choice. I'm so just in it for the villains. Sorry it didn't work out for you! And sorry you had to come back to Shigaraki ending up like that. 😭😭😭so far. He really should've been allowed to destroy Mt. Fuji.

As for the contrast between the Japanese fandom and the English-speaking fandom... I caution my observations being the whole and objective truth!

I'm much more familiar with Villain Fans Section of the English-speaking fandom; and while we're very loud and vocal, it does seem like the majority opinion is that Heroes are cool, Villains are bad, ending is acceptable. Meanwhile, I'm looking only at japanese tweets through keywords, and they're bound to be more positive because it seems like people avoid tagging their hate; anonymous message boards are freer with their criticism, but there's still never essay-length rants. I'm sure there has bound to be those existing somewhere, but with my mainly surface access into jfandom, I wouldn't know where to look for them.

Plus, there are a few people in jfandom who have the same gripes: why is Endeavor allowed to continue to be a Hero; the heteromorph resolution is majority-oriented and unfair to the minorities; the social issues aspect should've been addressed more; Deku shouldn't have invaded Shigaraki's mind like that, and it's a bit concerning that he seems to have no reaction to the total annihilation of a man in front of him, etc. Not a lot, and, as I said, not as vocal as in English-speaking fandom, but they're there.

However, from my observations, in my opinion I think there are a few key differences:

Shonen Jump is about the protag Heroes. What it is and should be. I think bnha is pointed out to be pretty uniquely sympathetic to its villains?

jfandom are much less lenient towards the Villains. They can love the League, they can criticize Heroes, but they readily acknowledge that the League have done terrible things and should be punished accordingly. Doesn't matter their sad backstories; they still hurt people and they need to pay for that. They're unforgivable. Like, the idea that Tenko killing his family - even if completely by accident, even if manipulated - is a sin no matter what and he should atone for it, is more prominent. (There are also people who will forever know Bakugou as the 'jump off the roof' bully and never forgive him no matter how much development he goes through.)

The concept of 'saving' seems to be more focused on saving the heart, freeing someone from suffering, giving them relief. It does not necessarily mean not killing them, or ever forgiving them, or ever considering them likeable.

the concept of 'the needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few' seems to also be somewhat more significant. of course the few should be accepted and treated right, and they should be accommodated, but it's best to... avoid causing trouble for other (normal) people, let's say. Sometimes, though, the few can't be made to feel accepted, and that's how things are. It's a pity. There are definitely people fighting against this idea, and English-speaking fandom isn't exempt from this either (soooo many 'wow Toga is just a psychopath' takes still existing; and also 'who cares about Muscular' even from the Villain fans), but it's a thing.

Jfandom appears to like it more that Shigaraki sticks to his guns. to the very end, he's stays true to the League; he stands by his choices and actions even if they were under undue influence; and he's a Hero to the Villains. Loyalty and a strong conviction are valued. Seems to be less fretting whether Tenko and Tomura are separate people/identities/persona. (Still a few who think 'Shimura Tenko' will come back.)

and so end result is that overall, Deku did do his job, and admirably at that. He didn't ignore The Crying Child when he could've/should've because Shigaraki was already unforgivable for his actions at Jaku (and before); he saved Shigaraki/Tenko's heart by providing relief, but that doesn't necessarily mean he needed to understand or befriend Shigaraki, or that Shigaraki should be converted (for lack of better word) and saved physically; he's a Hero who stopped a threat and saved the world; and Shigaraki disintegrating is simply just desserts.

But like I said above, it could be that those points aren't specific at all to jfandom. There are certainly a lot of people who think the ending is great and satisfying in the english-speaking fandom (and from what i've seen of machine-translated spanish/french/portuguese/etc tweets, also those fandoms). It's just the critiques are very in your face, and Villain fans are very vocal. I know I certainly am.

Thanks for the ask!!!!!

[sugartitstownley]

Hay I love your blog!!!

Could you do some relationship preferences for michael and trevor being together cute/hot or just cute?

ABC’s of Trikey

Thanks for the ask! I’m glad you like my blog!! I took some creative liberties with this and ran with it since I’ve been wanting to do the ABC prompt. So I hope you don’t mind. :) I did the fluff version [source], but I’d be open to doing the NSFW version too if someone would want that.

Warnings: Not a lot this time. Typical GTA-esque themes. There is a brief mention in the last letter (Z) about child abuse, but that’s about it. Mostly fluffy stuff.

A is for animals  [Do they have pets? What type?]

No, they don’t have any pets. Neither of them feel too strongly about having them, but the topic has came up once or twice — Michael being the most reluctant.

“It’d be like having another kid,” Michael gripes. “We’d have to clean its shit and make sure it doesn’t tear the house up.”

“But maybe it could teach you a thing or two about loyalty, you snake,” Trevor shoots back. “Plus, it’d give Chop a friend.”

“Can you honesty promise I wouldn’t come home one day to a mutilated dog after it chewed the fuck out of your clothes or bit you?”

“Well, I can’t promise I won’t mutilate you one day, but I still keep you around.”

That didn’t convince Michael. So no, they don’t have pets. They’ll stick to chaperoned visits with Franklin, Lamar, and Chop.

B is for bathroom  [What are their bathroom habits? Do they brush teeth at the same time? Fight about the toilet? Shower together? Have weird toiletries?]

Their bathroom habits are definitely a little bit opposing. Michael, unless he’s in one of his truly depressive episodes, is fairly clean. He often opts for the same routine every day: wake up, shower, shave (unless he’s growing it out, which sometimes he does), brush teeth, put on deodorant, spray on fancy cologne he spent way too much on, and leave.

Trevor, however, has less of a set schedule. He frequently chooses to forgo the traditional approach to “getting ready” unless Michael gets on him about it.

Once they start living together, though, Trevor does start to actively seek out a good shower quite often — if only so he can join his partner in a little morning rendezvous, which, of course, Michael is happy to indulge him in.

They don’t fight too much over bathroom etiquette, but, well, Trevor is still Trevor, so it’s inevitable sometimes.

“Oh, the fuck is this?” Michael mumbles, peering into the toilet below him. “Trevor!”

Mere seconds later, Trevor’s head is popping through the bathroom door. “Mm, morning to you too, sugar.”

“Tell me what I’m looking at here.”

“That,” Trevor follows his partner’s gaze to look inside the toilet bowl, “looks like a finger.”

“Yep, it does,” Michael nods along. “Why the fuck is it in our toilet?”

Trevor raises his hands in surrender. “Excuse me, I tried to get his arm down in one go, but people don’t flush like they used to. Ya know, I think it’s all the healthy shit people eat in LS. Makes their body more immune.”

“Jesus Christ.”

C is for children  [Do they have kids? Adopted or biological? What are their names? Any random head canons you have?]

Michael obviously has Tracey and Jimmy, so that’s really enough for them. Michael knows he’s already a shit father, so there’s no need to bring any more children into his world. Plus, Trevor loves both of those kids like they’re his own anyway.

And, all things considered, they both have Franklin too. Their surrogate child. Sure, Franklin pretends to be slightly disturbed at that mental image, but both men are sure he’s still happy to have them around.

Sometimes, when he’s really trying to embarrass Franklin, Trevor will talk about him to strangers like he’s their child. Michael tries to get him to stop — for the youngest boy’s sake — but he secretly finds it both endearing and funny. So, against his better judgement, Michael joins in sometimes.

“Kids are a handful, huh?”

The woman looks up from the screaming baby in her arms to Trevor, who’s talking over her shoulder. She looks slightly uncomfortable at his proximity, like she wants to push away the cart full of baby items in front of her and make a run for it, but she nods instead.

“They sure are. Got any?”

Trevor mirrors her nod before pointing over at Franklin. “Our baby boy is right there.”

Trevor can see Franklin shrink behind Michael, trying to get out of sight, while Michael stands there smirking.

“He’s just precious,” Trevor continues, his voice cracking with a faux sob. “They grow up so fast. Right in front of your eyes.”

The woman glances at Michael, almost like she’s hoping he’ll save her, but he only puts a hand to his heart and smiles. “They never stop melting your heart, though.”

As soon as the cashier yells “next,” the woman is rushing to the counter, and the two older men are left laughing as Franklin finally moves into sight.

“Fuck you both,” he grumbles.

D is for dates  [First date? Do they go out together regularly? Who usually plans?]

Their first date was definitely weird. Not in the “we shouldn’t be doing this” way. But in the “this feels like our first date and 50th simultaneously” way.

Back in North Yankton, neither of them really went on “first dates” — with each other or other people. A date feels more like a planned time to be romantic, but their relationship was anything but planned. In fact, everything often felt rushed and spontaneous, like neither knew when their life would suddenly end by imprisonment or death.

Now, as older men who feel way too past their prime and have way too much history among them to be going out on said “first dates,” the idea feels a little juvenile and silly.

Nonetheless, they do it. They do it if only for the sake of not being able to do it before. They go out on a first date — paired with nervous sweating, awkward conversations, and careful skirting over any past issues that could put a damper on the evening. It’s a simple dinner at an upscale restaurant in Vinewood, much to Trevor’s initial dismay.

“Out of all of San Andreas, this is where you pick, Mikey?”

“It’s a nice place, T.”

“Shocker that you think that, Mr. Plastic Pants,” Trevor says mockingly. “This place is full of fake celebrities and plastic surgeons. I feel like I’m about to slip and fall and accidentally get a boob job.”

“Can you just humor me for once? Please?”

And Trevor did because, truth be told, he’d go anywhere with Michael. Their first date was good all things considered, but they don’t make it a habit to go out often. It’s just not in their style — unless you count Trevor beating Michael at golf or them chasing down bikers a date, then sure.

When they do officially go out on dates, especially for important dates like anniversaries, it’s usually Michael who plans them. He’s much more of a classic date — dinner and a movie — kind of guy. He likely gets that from the movies he watches.

E is for embarrassment  [Does one get embarrassed by PDA? Do they say things to rile each other up?]

Michael does, at times, get embarrassed by Trevor’s public displays. It’s not that he’s ashamed of Trevor; it’s just harder to kick that religious guilt he’s used to. It has caused a rift a few times when Michael would flinch at Trevor calling him “baby” around strangers or throwing his arms around him and kissing his neck — especially since Michael can see their unapproving reactions in his peripheral vision.

Trevor, usually, reacts angrily — no doubt believing that his partner is embarrassed by him and their relationship. But Michael continues to reassure him until the issue is dropped.

After a few years, and a bit more therapy, the judging glances no longer irk him like they used to. And, as a result, he’ll let Trevor’s fingers snake through his or let his touch linger, even with the prying eyes of Los Santos City.

When they’re in an argument, however, Trevor does take a few liberties now and then to rile him up.

“Fine, Burger Shot it is. But when we get home, I want a blowjob.”

“Oh, Christ,” Michael groans, looking around to see how many people heard Trevor’s loud mouth.

Trevor grins. “Hopefully, I’ll be saying that soon too.”

F is for fights  [Do they bicker a lot? About trivial things? How do they make up after a large fight?]

They bicker a lot. About trivial things. About important things. About everything. But that’s them. It’s how it’s always been, and just because they’re in love, doesn’t mean it’s going to stop.

But, at least for Michael, he almost enjoys fighting with Trevor. Fighting with him only reminds him how much he’s devoted to the guy — how much he devastatingly loves the man.

With Amanda, they loved each other, but they weren’t in love with each other. So when they fought, it left him feeling bitter and lonely. But with Trevor, every fight is born out of caring about his relationship, about Trevor’s health, about their past, about their future. He just cares so violently — both of them do — that every fight starts and ends with him being in love. At least, for the most part.

G is for gifts [Do they give gifts often? Big things or small things?]

Yes, quite often. Michael is a lavish giver, even if he knows Trevor doesn’t really care one way or another about material possessions. If Michael can gift him an “Impotent Rage” comic because he used to have it as a child, even if it’s rare now and worth thousands, he’ll do it. He wants Trevor to have nice things, and he has no problem spending money in order to make that happen.

Trevor, on the opposite side, doesn’t give material gifts very often. Not really seeing the value for himself, he doesn’t much care to buy them for others either. Even so, that doesn’t mean he’s not a gift giver in his own way. Trevor will often show his giving side by actions: making sure the new movie Michael wanted to watch is rented when he comes home, cooking something for dinner (with no eyelids, he promises!), cleaning himself up, going to events he hates just because Michael loves them, and so on.

They have their own ways, and it works for them.

H is for home  [Where do they live? When did they move in together?]

They have several different residencies. Several.

After the divorce was finalized, Amanda moved out to leave for the beachfront property that she desperately craved — and asked for — all throughout their time in LS.

Michael kept the house in Rockford Hills and decided to stay there. Despite some gentle coaxing, Trevor refused to give up his trailer in Sandy Shores, but Michael was secretly happy since it gave them an excuse to drive up there and sit by the Alamo Sea.

Trevor also ended up keeping the Vanilla Unicorn, at least for the time being. Neither man makes too many appearances there anymore, but Trevor’s back office does make for a good bed if he’s mad at Michael.

Officially, though, they live in Michael’s place in Rockford Hills. It’s close to where they need to go, Michael can commute fairly easily to Solomon’s studio, and Trevor is at a perfect distance to wreck havoc in whatever part of the state he chooses day to day. Michael, in the future, would be happy to consider moving somewhere else with his partner. But right now, he’s just happy Trevor agreed to stay with him.

“T, you listening?”

“Huh? Yeah, Mikey. What is it?”

Michael grabs the remote out of the other man’s hand and forces his eyes to leave the TV. “Trevor, ‘m serious.”

“Okay, okay,” Trevor relents. “I’m all ears, pork chop.”

“How would you feel about staying here?”

“Well, considering I’ve already drove halfway across the city, drank a shit ton, and planned to strip you naked later, I’d say I feel pretty good about staying tonight.”

Michael smirks a little. “As sweet as that is, I meant more than just tonight. Like, ya know, stay. Live here.”

“Live here,” Trevor repeats slowly, his attention clearly on Michael completely now. “With you. In Rockford Hills. Here.”

“Yes,” Michael nods, but it comes out more like a question — not sure if Trevor really wants to live here with him.

“Okay,” Trevor agrees.

“Okay?”

“Yes. Okay.

The sides of Michael’s mouth tick up into a small smile. “Okay.”

I is for illness  [Do they care for each other when they’re sick?]

They’ll definitely care for each other no matter the illness, but their reactions certainly differ depending on the illness at hand.

If it’s the common cold, they’ll both gripe at each other about how “babyish” the other is being. That won’t stop them from picking up medicine, tissues, water, or anything else the other may need to feel better. Some playful banter is just to be expected.

If it’s a more “serious” sickness, a little bit lot more worry and anger is involved.

Trevor growls. “Fucking lay down. I told you smoking all those Redwoods would kill you one day.”

Michael follows his partner’s orders and leans back onto the bed, his mouth open, trying to breathe any air he can get without coughing. “I’m fine, asshole. ‘s just a bug.”

“It’s not just a bug,” Trevor huffs, laying down next to him. “Doctor said it’s bronchitis. That can be bad, Mikey.”

“I’ll be okay,” Michael mumbles, giving Trevor’s hand a squeeze to reassure him. “A lot of people get it.”

“A lot of people die from it, too. Especially if it’s chronic. More than 300 people.”

“That’s not a lot, T,” Michael reasons, shutting his eyes. “Mm, plus, doc said she doesn’t think it’s chronic.”

“Doesn’t think,” Trevor growls. “Fucking doctors. They don’t know shit until you’re dead.”

At that, Michael opens his eyes. “Calm down, T. It’s not that serious.”

“It is, Michael,” he says, spitting out his name. “I don’t want to lose your fat ass just because you can’t let go of your stupid habits, and the doctors in this city are too lazy to give a shit!”

Finally realizing the issue, Michael turns over in the bed to cuddle into Trevor’s side. “You won’t lose me, baby.”

“You don’t know that. I have before.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. But I’m here for the long haul now. You’re stuck with me.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

And when Michael stops smoking — for the most part — and convinces Trevor to try and get clean from the drugs — again, for the most part — he’s there with him every step of the way through the withdrawal symptoms.

The nightmares, lack of sleep, paranoia, irritability — all of it. Those months are probably the most Michael has ever cried, or seen Trevor cry, but it’s worth it in the end when they’re both a lot happier.

J is for jokes [Do they tease each other a lot? Do they have inside jokes nobody else gets?]

They definitely tease each other a lot. Sometimes, it’s hard to tell whether they’re teasing or bickering unless you really know them since most of their teasing is harsher words paired with playful undertones.

“I had an idea for our next anniversary.”

Trevor smirks. “Not sure if you’ll make it to our next anniversary, you fat fuck.”

Or

“Nice outfit, T. I can see you’re finally embracing the ‘I liked it before it was cool’ lifestyle.”

“Fuck off, Townley.”

K is for kisses [First kiss? Do they kiss a lot?]

Their first kiss was long ago, back in North Yankton. It was after one particularly good job in ‘86. They came away with more money than they’d ever gotten together, and it took them half the time it usually does to ward off police presence and make it back to their motel.

“Fuckin’ A,” Michael shouts as soon as the motel door is closed. “We did it!”

“Fuck yeah!”

Both boys laugh, their hearts still pumping with adrenaline. Suddenly, Michael is overcome by the excitement of the success of the job or the smile on Trevor’s face, and so he pushes him against the motel door and kisses him roughly.

The kiss only realistically lasts around five seconds, but it’s enough.

“What the fuck was that?” Trevor asks once they part.

“What?”

“You kissed me.”

Michael nods and shrugs a bit, trying not to blush. “Yeah, so what?”

Trevor doesn’t say anything. In fact, the room is deadly silent for several seconds before Trevor lunges forward and captures Michael’s mouth again.

Between then and the time he meets Amanda, Michael kisses Trevor a lot. If he’s being honest, he kisses Trevor a lot after he meets Amanda too.

When they officially reconcile their relationship and decide to give being together a real shot after the Union Depository job, they — of course — kiss a lot. They have to make up for lost time after all.

L is for love [Who said ‘I love you’ first? How do they show their love?]

Although Michael kissed him first, Trevor said “I love you” first. This, too, was back in North Yankton after a night full of celebratory drinking and sex after a big job.

However, after their reconciliation in 2013, Trevor, once again, was the one to take the lead. When it comes to emotions, Trevor’s always said exactly what he was thinking. Where Michael struggles with expressing himself, Trevor does nothing but express himself.

“What?”

Trevor shakes his head lightly at Michael’s questioning. “Nothing.”

“No, come on,” Michael pushes. “You’re lookin’ at me funny.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

Trevor sighs, glancing around the restaurant they’re currently sat in. “Can’t we eat?”

“You don’t want to tell me? When have you ever held your tongue? About literally anything?”

“Maybe I’m holding my tongue because I’m reluctant to say anything since last time I said it, it must have not meant shit because you married a stripper.”

“T, things with Amanda were complicated, you know that,” Michael says, grabbing his partner’s hand that’s resting on their table. “But it’s different now.”

Trevor gives a slight nod of agreement. “Yeah. It is.”

“So? What do you want to tell me?”

“I- I love you.”

Michael looks momentarily shocked, but he quickly recovers and breathes out a chuckle. “Oh.”

“You better say it back, Townley. You’re too old to have second thoughts.”

Despite Trevor’s quip, Michael grins. “I was just hoping I’d get to say it first this time. I love you too.”

M is for meals [Who cooks?]

Surprisingly, Trevor usually cooks. Or, rather, they do it together. Trevor likes the company, and Michael likes the assurance that no part of the food is human.

Trevor is a pretty good cook since he took care of his mom a lot when he was young between her copious amounts of “male friends.”

Although Michael usually is reluctant to relinquish control on a lot of things, he’s happy to sit back and watch Trevor cook, only helping when needed.

And if he gets to kiss the chef while he cooks, well, that’s just a bonus.

N is for nicknames [Do they shorten their names? Pet names?]

God, they never end — at least for Trevor. Michael does use the usual nicknames for his partner: T or Trev. After they started dating, “baby” will become a frequent contender.

For Trevor, he never stops coming up with nicknames — most of them being for his own amusement. Mikey, Mike, M, sugar, sugar tits, pork chop.

Some of them are more on-the-whim ideas: Mr. Plastic City and moneybags being quite popular.

Michael has asked Trevor to cool it down, but he doesn’t have much luck on that part.

“Get in, sugar tits.”

Michael climbs into the Bodhi, shooting Trevor a glare. “Can you stop calling me that?”

“I’m getting déjà vu. Thought we’ve had this conversation before, and I said no.”

“We have,” Michael rolls his eyes. “But I thought that once we, you know, started being together — you’d stop.”

“Aw,” Trevor smiles, linking their fingers together as he pulls out of the driveway. “No such luck, sugar tits.”

O is for outsiders [What do other people think about their relationship?]

Their relationship is a paradox to most — both surprising and not surprising in the slightest.

Amanda, who’s known them the longest outside of Lester, was initially shocked. With the way Michael talked about Trevor if she ever brought him up, it usually seemed like a one-sided friendship that was destined to end.

Though, when she looks back on it after the divorce, she’s not all that surprised after all.

“I should’ve known.”

Michael pauses before giving a half shrug to his soon-to-be ex wife. “I barely knew. It’s just always been … complicated.”

Amanda snorts. “Yeah, that’s one way to put it, Michael. Still, you just … never wanted to talk about him. Even after everything — especially not after everything.”

“I know, Mand.”

“I always thought that maybe it was just because you felt guilty, but, well,” she trails off. “You loved — love — him.”

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “Yeah, I do.”

Lester was even easier. He knew from beginning that the boys had a long history, and even after all the years apart, he knew the barely functioning friendship between Michael and Trevor was just years of pent up sexual tension, betrayals, and love waiting to topple over.

Franklin and Lamar were equally supportive, but Lamar did ask a lot of questions that made Franklin gently kick him under the table.

“Yo, so you and crazy dude are in love?” Lamar asks. “For real? This whole time?”

Michael glances at Franklin, who’s smirking at the exchange, before he meets Lamar’s eyes again and nods. “Yeah, we are.”

Lamar chuckles. “Good luck, homie. Bet that dude is into some freaky shit in bed.”

“What he means to say is that we’re happy for you, dog,” Franklin says while nudging Lamar. “Maybe now I won’t have to hear T bitch about you every time we grab a drink.”

“Yeah, doubtful,” Michael smirks. “I’m sure he’ll find somethin’ new to complain about.”

“Yeah, like how your ass is too fat to get in the sex swing I ordered.”

All three boys whip their heads around to see Trevor stalking up and plopping into the seat next to Michael.

“That’s not- he’s kidding,” Michael fumbles.

Franklin, looking caught between amusement and horror, just nods. “Sure, whatever you say, homie.”

P is for proposal [Who proposed first? How did they do it? A lot of planning?]

Michael proposed first. He values the traditional act of marriage a little more. Not to mention, Trevor didn’t want to ruin their relationship or scare Mike off since he only just got him back. If it was up to Trevor, though, they would have just got hitched immediately.

Although Michael considers himself a bit of a romantic with his partner — a cliché, in Trevor’s words — he didn’t plan a fancy proposal paired with dinner, a moonlit walk down Vespucci Beach, and skywriting asking the big question. No, instead, he just looked at Trevor one night and asked. He asked right then and there because, for once in his life, he just let his emotions take over.

“I understand how economics work and what the working class needs! They want a six pack of beer! An eager girl in their pickup truck! And a depressing folk tune playing on the radio!”

Michael faintly hears the voice of Impotent Rage coming from the TV in front of him, but he’s barely listening as his eyes keep glancing over at Trevor, who’s sitting next to him under their blanket, munching on a bowl of popcorn and watching the superhero chant with full attention.

A soft smile tugs at his lips as he listens to Trevor belt out a laugh at whatever’s happening in the show, and suddenly, he’s speaking without even realizing.

“T.”

“Hm?”

The man���s eyes don’t move from the television, so Michael tries again. “Trevor.”

Finally, his partner’s eyes peel away from the screen and look his way. “What, Mikey? I’m missing good TV here.”

Michael watches him for several seconds, the small smile from before still present. “Marry me.”

At that, the show fades into the background completely, and Trevor’s attention is focused. “You’re gonna have to repeat that, sugar. Think I misheard you.”

“I said, ‘Marry me.’”

“Jesus,” Trevor shuts the TV off and turns to face Michael, the blanket falling off them to their feet. “You serious? You better not be fucking with me.”

“I’m not,” Michael shakes his head, taking Trevor’s hands in his. “We should do it. Get married.”

There’s a long gap of silence where Michael’s not sure if Trevor’s going to laugh at him, punch him, or have another overt reaction. But in the end, he feels his partner’s body slam into his as they topple over onto the couch. And it takes a few seconds for it to register that Trevor is hugging him.

Michael laughs. “Is this a yes?”

“Fuck yes.”

And if Trevor cried a little too that night, well, that’s their business.

Q is for quest [Have they ever been on a quest together? Has one done something completely crazy for the other?]

Honestly, their whole lives together have been nothing but a series of quests. But, outside of the normal robbery, revenge, avoid-dying quests, they’ll absolutely go on day-to-day missions for the other — especially Trevor.

Is Michael out of that one specific product he uses for his hair and no store in Los Santos seems to carry it? Trevor will find it.

Have one of the actors on set gone missing? Trevor’s already got their location.

It doesn’t matter how utterly dumb he thinks Michael is for caring about certain things, he’ll get it done. Somehow, some way.

“You’re welcome,” Trevor says, sitting down the black, sleek bottle on the kitchen counter. “Only one I could find, Mr. Suede Bucks.”

“You got the cologne? The fuck did you find this? It ain’t been at Ponsonbys forever.”

Trevor leans down and kisses Michael, smiling proudly. “I know. It wasn’t easy.”

“Yeah, I bet, it wa-” Michael stops. “Uh, Trev?”

Trevor walks over to the fridge and pulls out a beer. “Yeah?”

Michael wipes at the bottle before holding up a red-coated finger to Trevor. “Is this blood?”

Trevor pretends to inspect it before shrugging. “Not sure.”

“Oh, really? This just happened to be here?”

“Don’t ask too many questions, Mikey. Just accept the gift.”

“I didn’t want it that bad,” Michael protests. “Not at some poor bastard’s expense.”

“I got you the cologne,” Trevor says pointedly. “Just be happy, you miserable fuck.”

Rolling his eyes, Michael smiles and leans up to connect their lips again. “Well, thank you.”

R is for rainy day [What do they do when it’s raining outside?]

What better way to spend a rainy day than a movie session that your boyfriend forces you into? Right?

Michael loves to watch movies — that much is obvious. And, since Trevor loves him, he’ll indulge him on days where it’s too wet to do anything else.

Plus, a bonus of staying indoors all day is more time for … extracurricular activities.

S is for secrets [Do they keep secrets from each other?]

Trevor’s not the type to keep secrets, so anything he does, says, or thinks pretty much goes straight to Michael.

For Mike, though, he has trouble not keeping secrets. It’s not that he actively wants to lie to people, especially those he loves, but he’s done it for so long that it’s become second nature. So much so that he even expressed the worry to his new therapist.

“I don’t want to lie to anyone, ‘specially not Trevor,” Michael admits. “But it’s like I don’t know how to stop!”

“What exactly do you lie about?”

He glances around the office, shrugging. “I don’t know. The way I feel sometimes. What I want. What I don’t want. Christ, I don’t know if I’m lying or if I just don’t know the answers.”

“I think you know the answers, Michael.”

“Maybe. I just … don’t ever want to hurt Trevor again.”

Months in therapy with an actual qualified doctor — unlike Dr. Friedlander — helped Michael find new ways to cope with his knee jerk reaction to lie.

So, no, they both try not to keep anymore secrets between the two of them.

T is for travelling [Do they go on holiday together? On journeys?]

They don’t get away very often. It’s not that they don’t have the money because obviously they do. But they’re busy with their respective jobs. Michael is often working on a movie set these days, and that can take up a lot of time. And Trevor can be found running TPI, the Vanilla Unicorn, and — of course — getting up to various shenanigans.

In a last ditch effort to connect to his kids, he did invite them on a small trip, where they ended up going to the zoo alongside Trevor.

“Ew, daddy, what is that?”

Before Michael can answer Tracey’s question, he sees her reach out toward the animal. “Trace! Don’t fuckin’ touch it!”

“Hey, you better watch out, kid, or it’ll eat you,” Trevor says, putting his arm around Tracey.

“You’d save her, uncle T,” Jimmy pipes up.

Trevor smirks. “We’d just sacrifice your dad. He’d take one for the team.”

Tracey giggles, nodding. “Totes.”

Michael pulls Trevor’s arm off of Tracey before giving him a playful shove. “Yeah, fuck you. If anything, we’d sacrifice your ass. With the way you smell, it’d probably think you’re a dead animal anyway.”

“As if you’d give me up that easily,” Trevor says, brushing their hands together as they walk along the zoo path. “You love me, Michael Townley.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Besides that, they mostly stick with San Andreas. But Michael’s been thinking about planning a trip back to North Yankton. He knows Trevor misses the Midwest, and he thinks they’re grown enough now in their relationship to relive nostalgic, good memories while there instead of being thrown back into painful ones.

U is for urges [Do they pine after each other? How often to they think about each other?]

They do pine — in their own ways. For Trevor, it’s more blatant, obvious longing.

Before getting together officially, Trevor made it a point to drudge up the past or make snippy comments about how much Michael’s changed. Under all the semi-faux anger, all he wanted was for Michael to realize how much he’s missed him.

As for Michael himself, his pining came in the form of silence. He didn’t want to ever talk about Trevor, or hear about him, or think about him. He missed him too, but every thought surrounding the man was laced with guilt.

“We did it, T!” Michael cheers. “Fuckin’ A. Pulled off the Big One.”

“Sure did, Mikey,” Trevor smiles slightly as he whips the car down the LS Freeway. “Never thought I’d see the day.”

“I know. I figured we’d be settling into prison by now if we ever attempted it. I mean, we-”

“No,” Trevor stops him. “Never thought I’d see the day since you were dead.”

The air in the car grows thicker than it usually does with Trevor’s quips as Michael struggles with how to respond.

Eventually, Michael sighs. “Thought you said we were good.”

“We are.”

“Then why do you have to bring it up? Can’t we have one decent conversation without you always having to mention it? Jesus Christ, T.”

Trevor grinds his teeth, facing Michael with an accusatory finger as the car comes to a stop on the side of the road. “Fuck you! I’m going to bring it up until you’re so sick and tired of hearing about it that you rip your own ears off!”

“Oh, well, if I’d known that was all it’d take to shut your ass up, I would’ve ripped ‘em off months ago!”

“Good! I wish you fucking would!”

Both of them lean back into the silence as Trevor slams on the gas and buzzes past the cars around them.

After pulling into his driveway, Michael gets out and slams the door behind him, leaving Trevor in the car without another word. He slowly starts the trek up to his door, suddenly realizing that — once the door shuts — he’s going to be alone once again.

Chancing a look back, he checks to see if Trevor’s still sitting in the car, and he is — unmoving.

Michael turns around and makes his way to the window, not even having to knock before Trevor’s rolling it down.

Michael gestures vaguely. “Want to come in?”

Trevor gives a curt nod and moves to get out of the car. “You better have beer.”

After popping open a few drinks and settling onto the couch, Trevor’s voice fills the otherwise quiet room. “Look, ‘m sorry. Okay? I know we’re trying to move on. But fuck, Michael. It’s hard. You … you left me, and you didn’t even think twice.”

“Didn’t think twice? You kidding me? I thought twice. I thought three times, four times, a hundred times. But I had a family, and I didn’t know what else to do. I messed up. I know that. And I’ve had to live with that every day. Every day, I thought about you — hoped that you weren’t dead, or when I was really fuckin’ depressed, hoped that you were so I didn’t have to feel so damn guilty. So don’t tell me that I didn’t think twice, asshole.”

Seconds later, the air is knocked out of Michael as Trevor pushes his lips roughly against his. He lets out a small hiss when he feels Trevor bite down on his bottom lip before his tongue brushes against his.

“I’ve missed you,” Michael breathes out against Trevor’s lips.

“I’ve missed you too, sugar.”

V is for virtues [What’s their favourite thing about each other?]

Trevor loves that Michael is, well, Michael. Despite the long list of qualities he could ramble off that he doesn’t like about him: constant sarcasm, hypocritical, arrogant …

He’s also fond of those qualities because that’s who Michael is. He’s an asshole, and Trevor likes him that way. Secretly.

Michael, on the other hand, has a distinct quality of Trevor that he’s most fond of — loyalty. Michael himself has never been loyal. He’s cheated, lied, hurt, coerced, and backstabbed almost everyone he’s ever known. Although Trevor’s physically hurt his fair share of people, his loyalty to his friends is unshakable.

Michael almost hates that about him too. He’ll often wish Trevor gave less of a shit about him because, maybe then, their past wouldn’t cut as deep.

Still, Michael will hold tightly on to every last bit of loyalty Trevor’s willing to give him now.

W is for wedding [Who plans it? Big or small? Does it go smooth?]

It’s a pretty small event considering Michael’s already done the whole marriage thing before. Neither of them really care about a monumental party paired with dancing, catering, and people galore. They really only want to get hitched for the sake of being together forever and, as Trevor jokes, so it’s practically legally required for them to love one another.

Does it go smooth? Ha! If you asked anyone — anyone — that they know if anything ever has gone smooth when it comes to Michael and Trevor, they’d laugh.

It wasn’t a total disaster or anything, but there were certainly hiccups along the way.

“The fuck do you mean he’s missing?” Michael pulls the phone away from his ear as the lady on the other end tries to explain the whereabouts of his suit tailor. “Trevor!”

“But I assure you that we’re trying to find him, Mr. De Santa.”

Michael barely catches the end of what she’s saying as he pushes the phone back against his ear. “Look, lady. I don’t give a shit where your boss is. Do you have my suit?”

“We don’t have it here with us,” she explains. “He likely took it home, but I assure you-”

Michael hangs up the phone as Trevor finally comes strutting into the kitchen.

“What’s up, pork chop? Trouble at the studio?”

“No, trouble with the suit guy. Apparently, he’s gone missing.”

“Huh.”

Michael narrows his eyes. “That was a short answer. And ya don’t seem that shocked.”

“It’s Los Santos,” Trevor shrugs. “People go missing all the time. He probably found the one hot broad in this city that likes 50-year-old men with braces and hit the road with her.”

“How did you know he had braces? I’ve never hold you that.”

“What the fuck is this, Mikey? An interrogation?”

Michael steps around the kitchen table until he’s face to face with his partner, giving him a sharp, piercing look. “Trevor.”

“Fine! I met the guy for a bit,” Trevor relents. “Went to talk to him about fixing up my outfit as well, but we didn’t see eye to eye.”

“Oh, God. What does that mean?”

Trevor’s eyes shine in light amusement. “I think we’re going to have to look for someone else.”

X is for xenia [What’s it like to be their guest?]

Well, they don’t really have a lot of people over. The only people who ever visit them are Franklin and Lamar, sometimes Tracey and Jimmy, and on the rarest occasions, Lester. But that’s usually only if he needs something.

When they’re in Sandy Shores, they’ll have Ron over, and occasionally, they’ll bring Wade when Trevor wants to get him out of the strip club.

Being their guest is like going to a haunted house. It can be fun, but you have a chance of getting traumatized in some way.

“Hey, do y’all two have any-” Franklin stops, throwing his hands over his eyes as he jumps back into the hallway. “What the fuck?”

Trevor’s laughter fills in the room as Michael blushes, fumbling for the zipper on his pants before pulling Trevor up from his knees.

“Fuck,” Michael starts. “Sorry. We ain’t doing anything. I promise.”

“Yeah, whatever you say, dog,” Franklin shudders, finally peaking through his fingers. “Look, I just came to ask if y’all had any beer. But I can see you’re busy.”

“We weren’t …” Michael trails off, knowing there’s no point in denying it. “I’ll show you where it is.”

The three boys walk downstairs, Trevor still snickering to himself as Michael nudges him every so often to try and get him to quit.

“Maybe next time, wait for your guests to leave before you start messing around up there,” Franklin chuckles.

The boys’ heads glance over when Lamar pipes up beside them, apparently catching the end of the conversation. “Yo, you and crazy dude was fuckin’ up there?”

“Kill me,” Michael mumbles while Trevor cackles beside him.

Yeah, they don’t have guests over very often anymore.

Y is for yearly [Any traditions? Anniversaries?]

They’ve picked up some new traditions and brought back some old. Back in North Yankton, before Michael ever met Amanda, there were several years that he and Trevor would bake holiday cookies for Christmas. Were they good at it? No. But that never stopped them. Neither of them grew up in particularly warm households, so it was up to them to create some kind of holiday cheer.

Plus, when Tracey was born, she loved to help out. Oftentimes, you could find her in Trevor’s arms as they used cookie cutters to make the dough into little trees and reindeer.

Deciding to carry that tradition into their relationship and marriage, every Christmas they bake cookies, and every year, they taste a little like shit. But they both love it.

“Merry Christmas, daddy,” Tracey says, hugging Michael and Trevor. “Merry Christmas, uncle T.”

“Merry Christmas, kid,” Trevor pats her back before going to grab a few of the supplies needed for the recipe they’re making.

Michael hands her a bowl for the dough. “Merry Christmas, Trace. Glad you could come over. How’s college going?”

“Good! Classes, like, totally rock!”

He smiles, nodding approvingly. “Good.”

“What about your brother? He too good to hang out with us tonight?” Trevor jokes, setting the butter, milk, and eggs down on to the table.

Tracey giggles. “I think he’s working.”

“I’m still not used to hearing that,” Michael laughs. “What about your mom?”

“She’s good too. She’s, and I quote, ‘finally relaxed now that you’re someone else’s problem.’”

Trevor snorts. “Ain’t that the truth.”

“You wouldn’t want it any other way,” Michael shoves him lightly.

“Maybe not.”

Michael, Trevor, and Tracey work in unison for the next 20 minutes until they finally have some semi-decent cookies that are ready to be baked. Sticking them in the oven and setting a timer, they all get cleaned up and move to the living room.

Michael flops down onto the couch, and Trevor falls next to him, putting his arm around his shoulders. Tracey makes her way to the other side of the couch so she can stretch her legs as they all wait for the cookies to be done.

“We should make this a tradition again! Now that you and daddy are together, we could do this, like, every year. Remember when we used to do this when I was young, uncle T?”

“Sure do, kiddo,” Trevor grins. “With Jimmy too.”

She shrugs. “Yeah, I guess he could even come next year. What do you think?”

Michael sees that Tracey and Trevor are looking at him for an answer, so he nods. “Yeah, we could probably make that happen.”

The three of them talk about the future, Tracey mostly supplying the conversation with her babbling while Michael and Trevor happily sit back, leaning into each other as they listen.

When it comes to anniversaries, they also celebrate those every year. They’re not as uptight as some couples about them, but they tend to mean a lot to Trevor, and it’s a concrete way for Michael to show that he’s putting work into their relationship and cares about it enough to do so. So, they celebrate them every year.

Z is for Zzz [Sleep habits? Who’s the big spoon? What do they wear in bed? Are they coddlers?]

Michael’s never really gotten a perfect night’s rest — not since he was a baby presumably. He’s had okay nights and even, what he’d consider, good nights. But never perfect. Never the full eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Nightmares often plague his nighttime life. When he was a teen, it used to be flashes of his father hitting him — beating him black and blue until he was coughing blood days after. As a young adult, he dreamt of robberies gone wrong, getting shot, going to prison, and so on. As an older man, his dreams are a toss-up between his past worries and his future ones. Hurting Trevor, dying, or, most often, both.

Trevor, in the past, didn’t sleep a lot either. Some nightmares, sure, but mostly from the drugs coursing through his veins at any given time. Since Michael and him got together and he started working on being clean, he’s gotten a bit more sleep than the usual.

The same can be said for Michael, though. Sleeping next to Trevor has helped tremendously, especially for his Trevor-themed nightmares. Knowing he’ll wake up next to the man is comforting.

Because of their shaky sleep schedule, they both take turns being the big spoon/little spoon depending on who needs what.

Trevor gently nudges Michael, who’s restlessly tossing around. “Mikey … Mikey.”

Michael’s eyes fly open, and Trevor grabs his arms to stop them from reaching for the gun by the bed.

The dark room stays silent for a minute as Michael’s breathing levels out before he sighs. “Sorry. Did I wake you up?”

Trevor gives a noncommittal hum. “You haven’t had a dream like that in awhile.”

“Yeah, we’ve been sleepin’ good recently, huh?”

Trevor puts his arms around Michael, feeling his bare chest rise and fall steadily. “Yeah, sure have. What were you dreamin’ about?”

“Just … North Yankton,” Michael admits, pulling Trevor close. “Being back there — what could have happened, I guess.”

“There’s no use thinking about the past since we can’t change it. Ain’t that what your new shrink said?”

“She said I should let it go,” he corrects. “But I can’t.”

Trevor frowns, tracing circles on Michael’s chest. “Why not? Still sad you missed your opportunity to put me down?

“Knock it off,” Michael grabs his hand, scratching where Trevor was lightly brushing before. “And that ain’t funny, T.”

Trevor rolls his eyes but decides not to push it. “Look, sugar, we all have things we regret. But we’re here now, and that’s what matters, right? We’ve got your spoiled kids, Franklin, Lamar, hell, even Lester. We’re good.”

“I know,” Michael says quietly, agreeing. “I really am sorry, though. For a lot shit.”

“Yeah, me too. For a lot of shit.”

Michael leans down and kisses Trevor’s head before pulling the blankets up over them again and going back to sleep.

When they can’t sleep, it’s usually filled with just that — banter, soft comforts, and an insult or two so the other can feel right at home. It’s not always picture perfect, but they wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

[tokyopewpew]

Part whatever of Veilguard Breakdown!

Themes, gameplay, Overall Plot, and ruminations on the Production behind the game aka wild speculation.

Spoilers abound as well as some disclaimers under the cut. Buckle up this is going to be a LONG ONE.

Ok I am going to try and organize this so it isn’t just a ramble. I also don’t meant this to come across as a defense or shilling for Bioware or EA, if it sounds defensive or you think I’m giving a lot of grace, please know it is for the actual real, physical people who had to make this game. The writers, the game designers and directors, who I think had an incredibly difficult job to pull off with this game. ( and if you couldn’t tell already, i really liked it so I think they did a great job!)

My credentials to talk out of my ass are: I work in *vague general gesture* entertainment. I studied anthropology, writing, film and tv (specifically animation) both seriously in college and in my free time. I write and draw comics, I animate, and do general writing/editing for novels and scripts. I am not saying i am right in any way shape or form, but I have some extra insight maybe, which I think puts me more sympathetic towards to rough spots in this game.

I’m also a Solavellan Truther so be warned.

That being said here we go:

Gameplay:

Overall I really enjoyed the game! Like most action games it took my a bit to get a grasp of all the buttons (oh my god so many buttons). I played the new God of War games and enjoyed that gameplay quite a bit, ergo I liked this gameplay. GoW was much more of a power fantasy than this though, where you felt monstrously strong from the jump. Playing as a mage, and only starting with Mage and Rogue companions did have me feel a little squishy, but by the end I was ripping enemies apart left and right. I think I beat Elgar’nan in like 6 minutes? It did not feel like I was fighting a god lmao.

I’m kind of weak on the critique for the gameplay. I’m glad there’s no crouch or stealth option thank christ. Like most action-y rpg’s there’s a light and heavy attack, a dodge, a jump, a sprint. The lines kind of blur for me on “how dare you copy these controls wholesale” and “these controls are generally linked to these actions, for ease of use for the player we’re staying consistent with other games for an easier onboarding.”

Also I have never played a dragon age game for the combat. I’m happy to have encounters and do fights but I could/did pretty much play Origins and 2 with a cocktail in one hand because it wasn’t that involved. Inquisition too just being kind of like eh, don’t keep tension in your finger, you’ll keep attacking don’t worry about it. I’m playing for the story and the plot, not the buttons I have to press to get to that. That being said, because of the total difference in game play, from past DA games, i do think this one is the most fun to play/fight in.

One of my very few combat gripes was that, given what a difference damage type makes in a fight, I wish I could change my weapon in the middle of combat. I don't want to have to leave a combat area, cool off, and then swap out my orb. Just let me change it mid combat please.

THAT ALL BEING SAID LETS TALK ABOUT THE PLOT AND PACING!

I do think this game has some recency bias against it. The other games have 10+ years of us rolling them around in the Fandom Rock Tumbler to shine them into perfect glowing beloved, well understood in totality creations. It’s been two fucking weeks with this game, of course it feels shallow in comparison. Give it some time and we’re gonna chew on it more.

That being said: I do agree that it feels softer than other games, but I can identify why that might be.

I think this game is a lot tighter on its narrative than any other DA game. By which I mean the main narrative is always very focused on defeating the gods. The companion quests feel very brief, sometimes just being conversations, and even though their personal quests are meant to in some way link back to the Evanuris, they feel like such small fish in comparison. Taking down any or all of the personal villains for each of the companions does not feel like I’ve made a tangible blow against the Evanuris the way destroying Corypheus’ lyrium mines and Samson’s armor did in Inquisition or the way recruiting the different factions did for Origins.

But here’s where I append my little caveats. (I'm gonna harp that DIFFERENT doesn't mean bad to me). I do like the breakneck pace of this plot. They did start off as cartoon-ish new villains being thrown in, like they do in every Marvel movie. But I think they did a good job of ramping up how terrifying they were pretty quickly and actually making them feel threatening. The odds felt forever stacked against us, and it matched the streamlined, focused main quest line. And hey, let’s be honest, the fetch quests and padded content was a big complaint against Inquisition (or many open world games).

Which is what makes me see a lot of the complaints against VG are ones where I don’t think people connect that Bioware is damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Do you want a streamlined, focused game without a lot of cruft, a complaint lobbed at many open world games? Ok you won’t get as many little side quests that feel like they add weeks to the plot.

I do think the companion quests are the things that actually make the plot slow down. But we love and want as much companion content as possible? Again, I think this could have helped if the companion personal villain quests felt more essential/woven into the Evanuris that would have helped. I think some more friction between the companions could have helped, in like banter where we saw that they're personal issues are bleeding into making problems with the team. HOWEVER: that's an easy criticism to make if it weren't a game where you can do many things in many different orders. Maybe there was more Davrin and Lucanis bickering, I just missed it because I didn't take them out in the field together, or I resolved more of their quests before I had them both in my party again.

Some Ranting about the SETTING

Seeing a lot of people throwing out that this game is a Soft-Retcon/Tonally Light compared to other DA games. Yes and no. I think it’s through some narrative necessity. I do wish Bioware would trust the audience more with some heavy shit but lets be fr media literacy is on the decline. I don't like that they're dumbing stuff down but has the public at large not proven they can't fucking comprehend a lot of what is thrown at them?

A major comment circulating is about the Crows being turned into Good Guys and Tevinter not going into the class system and slavery enough. I also experienced ZERO racism against my elf character or suspicion of me as a mage. Which, yes, is tonally different from the other games. And I would have liked the depth, I'm not gonna lie.

But given The Real World: I'm ok with not having slurs thrown at me in a game right now.

I also see that as a narrative choice. These are supposed to be your allies that are integral to making it through the game if you want everyone alive. I think they wanted all the antagonism and focus set on the Evanuris and Solas and didn't want to distract or give players the option to kind of question the factions they're petitioning support from.

It's in line with this game having far fewer consequences to your choices. They are more railroading with the plot/important decisions you make which I get isn't going to be to everyone's taste (again, more God of War feeling than DA Origins).

But I also think previous games had a really easy time talking shit and building up off-screen monsters. And now, narratively, they need to bring those off-screen monsters in and humanize them so you won't refuse to work with them outright.

Par example: Playing Origins and loving Zevran. Oh my god his horror stories about the Crows?? How can you support the Crows at ALL hearing what he’s said about them or how many times they try to kill him?!

Psst it's because Origin's goal was to humanize and make him likable as an individual and the narrative tool they used to do that was giving him a tragic backstory of poverty and abuse. Which is not unique to many assassin guild characters. But that kind of shoots them in the foot if they want to have any other Crow companion or involvement because they poisoned the well themselves. So what do they do? Just never include the Crows in a main story on the side of the hero ever? Do they introduce another assassin's guild and say no don't worry, they train their professional killers totally ethically and cool, you've just never heard of them? Or do they kind of work around what they've already got?

Meanwhile, the ones I haven't seen nearly as much critique on is the Lords of Fortune!! Oh my GOD were they sanitized to be Unproblematic! I was cringing so hard when they talked about being treasure hunters but they had Taash EXPLICITLY SPECIFICALLY clarify they don’t steal and they are careful with culturally sensitive materials, sending them to the appropriate people.

This is some Indiana Jones "it belongs in a museum" RetCon. But that's FINE because it matches our real world sensibilities.

Like I don't want to complain that the Crows can't have grown and evolved as a group (forcibly or of their own volition) and not also joke that Isabela really learns her lesson after DA2 to not fuck with culturally significant artifacts and turned the Lords of Fortune into the "pirates never steal another person's property" meme.

Complaining that the ASSASSIN'S GUILD isn't operating ethically is an oxymoron. We need some fantasy elements, some suspension of disbelief. Otherwise we're filing a million OSHA violations against Treviso too for the lack of railings in the Casino and Rook should go to jail for murder.

Like I said, it's not bad, it's just Different.

It's the change in landscape of 10-15 years of game/narrative. development. Of them listening. Sorry it can't go both ways. Gotta read up on the Ludonarrative dissonance again which I think is a huge struggle in making more realistic worlds and still having it be a fighting/action game.

For those that don't know: Ludonarrative dissonance is when the narrative and gameplay are at odds with each other. Kind of noted in games like Uncharted, where Nathan Drake is supposed to be a kind of every man, but the gameplay has you be a fucking action hero.

Or, since everyone loves to compare this to BG3 here is my own experience of it when playing that: I listened to the narrative the first time I played which said ANY SECOND NOW: YOU WILL BECOME A MINDFLAYER. DO NOT SLEEP DO NOT REST HOLY SHIT YOU’LL DIE.

So I only long rested like twice for all of act 1 and was confused when I didn’t get any cut scenes, plot, or dialogue people were talking about. And looking it up, I was not the only one who made that mistake. I listened to the narrative so damn good, that I was going to die any second, I didn't get the cut scene that told me it was ok to take a break, this artifact is going to protect you. So i reloaded an earlier save and re-played a good chunk of act 1 and rested often. Lo and behold: I got all the cut scenes that had previously eluded me! That to me was a big annoyance that the GAMEPLAY and the NARRATIVE were at odds like that.

Veilguard and Dragon Age suffer a bit from this in how they are trying to present a fleshed out, intricate, geo-political world, but you still need enemies to fight in the game. But not demonize entire cultures.

It doesn't help that Origins started off with kind a weak fantasy basis that doesn't hold up as well today. Europe but upside down, cultures are real world stand ins etc etc. And then add 15 years of not just games culture changing but culture culture changing and things that passed in the first game can't and shouldn't be carried over to the newest iteration. Or even mentioned above, where earlier games build up groups or areas as evil, which shoots themselves in the foot when they want to re-examine that later.

Like they have gotten a lot of flack for some of the elven and qunari depictions because they made the direct parallels to native americans and Muslim cultures. They have clearly learned their lesson to not demonize and ENTIRE culture and every person from that culture.

But then how do you have diverse enemies in games but also make it clear you aren't fighting an entire country/culture? We get the kind of weak so uh uh we have a separate faction now! the antaam are the BAD qunari like the venatori are the BAD Tevinters! We need enemies for you to kill and NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT but you have to know THESE are the cult ones which makes it ok! Which is something most video games do nowadays.

So when the comment is that previous games were darker, I believe the previous games were more grim because you were up against the world. It was a more brutal land of prejudice and strife and every faction you could join abused and indoctrinated kids in some way. Like that was of the time period to say "Look how Real and Serious our game is? Look how terrible everyone is, everyone is greedy and out for themselves and shitty, but you'll bend them to your will with your awesome might."

But that is not the tone of Veilguard. Which I would almost guess IS a real world reaction to purposefully NOT HAVE a lot of built in bigoted content for the sake of "realism." Both for it to be a fun, escapist game, and a power fantasy.

With the narrative of this game you need to be involved in all the factions which, I would guess, they decided to go more friction-less and have them all be groups you felt like deserved to be saved and that you care about rather than make you begrudgingly help someone you hate.

ANOTHER FOR EXAMPLE: The discourse ALREADY HAPPENING about the choice between Minrathous and Treviso. Like both options are TERRIBLE but saying that because Tevinter has slavery, it deserves the dragon attack? Wild!

Can ya maybe see why they chose to omit some stuff or not pack in anything that would make you doubt your allies? Or be ok with dooming them in the end game as some sort of catholic retribution for their Sins?

Another way to put it is that while I'm disappointed by maybe the lack of exploration on some of the deeper Geo-poltical topics, 1. I don't think that was the goal of the game. And 2. I would rather they recognize that they wouldn't be able to do it justice or go to the depth they would need to so it's better to cut it rather than deliver something they aren't proud of. Like the game shouldn't have to tell you that slavery is bad to know it's bad, even in the fantasy world. The goal of the game is also not to dismantle slavery in Tevinter.

So I ask the room: do we want to see slavery in our fun after work game? Do we want to be called knife ear and not be able to shop at merchant's if we're an elf? I'm kind of cool with not having that.

Disclaimer though: I am white as hell! I've seen black creators express frustration with the lack of conversation on these subjects and how that feels like Bioware pulling punches and it is totally fair to want more meaningful discussion of the topic in the game.

Seeing the bones through it's skin: thoughts on the production of the game:

It's a weird line to walk when Bioware is clearly wanting to make an inclusive, fun, first person game, but have depth and realism in a world that does include that from its shaky foundation. Has Thedas improved in the 10-20 in game years to be more inclusive?

The narrative design for a game is also super different from books or comics and why we generally want happier endings in games. One of the major criticisms against The Last of Us 2 was how fucking bleak it was. How do you get people to keep holding the controller when it's a tragedy? When it's a slog to get through? So I can see the decision to water down or sanitize areas to avoid turning off or downright triggering players.

Which also, same problem mentioned again. I don't think this is anyone here who's gotten this far into my rambling lol, but game design and writing having to be for BOTH new and old players makes it a much different writing experience. I think people have been trying to apply Book Continuity Rules to Dragon Age rather than Movie continuity. What do I mean by that?

Did you know that for comics, you should prepare for your second issue sales to drop by half? Because presumably, a lot of people will try your first issue but won't necessarily want to stick with it, and who in their right mind is going to pick up the second issue and not the first? And every subsequent issue sees a similar decline in order numbers BECAUSE it's a linear story where if you pick up the fourth one you won't know what the hell is happening and the payoff won't work. Video Games can't work like that, the same way movies try REALLY HARD to make sequels as easy as possible for someone to come in completely unfamiliar.

This has been the fault of Dragon Age and Mass Effect Andromeda overall. Trying to be a high fantasy series, but also anthology so you don't have to start from the beginning, with writers coming and going makes it a weird collaborative continuity that is BOUND to change OVER THE COURSE OF 15 YEARS.

Storylines and plots have been picked up and dropped and told they'll matter and quickly wrapped up across the course of every game. Because they have to make way for this to be someone's FIRST Dragon Age game. Inquisition was my first one and I think I made it 15 minutes before I had to stop and google Chantry, Templars, why the fuck do they hate elves? IT WAS A STEEP INTRO is what I'm saying. I've now since played all of the games and adore them all for their own reasons. And I'm sorry but I don't get why its so hard to grasp that the games are not being made to entirely be fanservice to existing players.

I get the frustration over only 3 choices carrying over but like... There cannot be a google survey at the beginning of the game.

"But what about the keep?" You may very well ask. I already commented on this in the tags of another post but I need y'all to really think and remember that the things brought over from the Keep are pretty much just as light, and most often only result in mild flavor text.

Given the development hell this game has gone through and what feels to me like a desperate attempt to limit scope and streamline the game, I can be disappointed but recognize it is realistic that those cameos are nice icing but not essential to a good story. Use your imagination. I think Mary Kirby said she gets the desire to see characters again, but you should not want them back for the Plot. If they're In The Plot, that usually isn't good for them. Varric. That is what fanfiction is for, so they don't invalidate people's headcanons or how they imagine the world to be.

Which I think they handled what they could well enough. Referring to Divine Victoria is a clean crisp way to let you yourself fill in the blanks. They just have to say Orlais, they don't have to specify whether it's one of 5 potential ruling situations. The more branching possibilities, the more chances for a game to break and I'm sorry it is a fucking MIRACLE this game ran smoothly and perfectly for me from day 1. I'd rather have that than a bug report that if you have a timeline with Old God Keiran, and Gaspard as ruler of Orlais and Divine Vivienne the game crashes and is unplayable.

I'm ok with Utada Hikaru, Simple and Clean writing that covers a lot of bases and lets YOU fill in the gaps yourself so that your world is not invalidated!

I think a lot of people are looking at it saying Bioware has endless EA money and this game had 10 years why couldn't it do Everything AND MORE. When that is not an accurate timeline. This game had 3-4 years of development built on two corpses that also had 2-4 years of development. And you can absolutely feel it sometimes. In that sense, the plot of being a core group of weirdos, trying their best, beset by development hell, met with huge expectations and criticized for it's divergence or lack of inclusion of past game decisions WELCOME DRAGON AGE 2: 2 THE VEILGUARD.

Ok whew I think that's going to be it. I love you goodbye.

[shoechoe]

i would love to see a jojo game where you get to use stands to their full potential. i'm sure it would be very difficult to make work mechanically, but i think not being restricted to "being fair" could lead to some very fun scenarios! i suppose if it wasn't a pvp fighting game, but a more open game with npcs and elements other than combat. even a super powerful stand like GER could have lots of potential! even if it mainly written to just get the story over with, i think the implications of its ability are still there! that's not even to mention regular goldie...

honestly, i could see jojo actually making a good game with exploration and puzzle elements alongside combat. i doubt something so large-scale would ever come into fruition, but it's fun to think about sometimes. like... i own asbr, and i would love to play as pesci and ghiaccio without being limited to complex combos * to use beach boy, or white album's strengths being compromised by the game format. (why is ghiaccio vs hol horse so hard. there's a whole arc about why you can't just shoot ghia. maybe it's just a "skill issue" on my end but it annoys me so much.) (also why is prosciutto the lead character for the prosciutto + pesci duo? pesci is way more suited to fighting one-on-one, shouldn't prosciutto just come in as support + status effects? i have many gripes.)

that way, you could also put more focus on stands that don't work as well in a fighting game format, like moody or talking head! and that's just the part 5 stuff i can think of!

i guess all that would be fitted to a ttrpg... i have heard people talk about jojo d&d. i would just be happy to be able to play as my favourite side characters with their cool stands and get to actually explore the potential of them. (anime games are usually limited to fighting games or gacha anyways, it seems.)

Yeah, I definitely get what you're saying. Whenever I see those Jojo fighting games it always occurs to me that a lot of Stands have to be either really nerfed or buffed to stand a fighting chance against each other. Of course, that's the way it has to be for a game like that, but it's a little disappointing.

Like you said, I imagine a Jojo video game (especially like Eyes of Heaven) where you can use Stands to a real "full" potential that's canon-compliant with what they can do would be very hard, even if it's limited to just one part or a small set of characters. But it's definitely fun to imagine.

The easiest way to implement a game where you use Stands to their full potential would definitely be one that allows for more player imagination, like a D&D type role-playing game where you decide what you want to do to advance the story, or a card game with a player-led story. I could actually imagine that working out really well if it's done right.

Though you'd probably need to work through how you'd get Stands, because if it's a card game where they're randomly drawn and one person draws GER while another person draws, like, Survivor... (maybe there could be a function where you can "evolve" stands into different forms, like if you have Silver Chariot or Gold Experience and you acquire a Stand arrow you can turn it into its Requiem form, if you get Whitesnake you can do some series of events to get Made in Heaven, etc. Maybe the "win" conditions can depend on what Stand you get too. I'm just throwing ideas out, though.)

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

EVERY WEEK I WILL POST VARIOUS REVIEWS I’VE WRITTEN SO FAR IN 2024. YOU CAN CHECK OUT MY GOODREADS FOR MORE UP-TO-DATE REVIEWS HERE.

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24. Throne of Glass by Sarah J. Maas--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read January 2024

I've been wanting to re-read this series for a while because I never finished it. I remember really enjoying this first book in the series because of the competition aspect of it and I'd say I still enjoyed that!

I also see the foreshadowing for the MC's ability to attract all of the men in her life LOL. While I might not have enjoyed it as much as the first time, I still enjoyed it for the most part. There were a lot of things I forgot about and was delighted to be reminded of. The MC is a badass, but her constant "I could kill him with two moves" comments at the beginning had me rolling my eyes a few times.

Even though I know book two will break my heart again, I can't wait to pick it up. Also, SO MANY clues in this one about her identity that I missed the first time around. Definitely one of those books that is worth reading more than once just to catch all of the little pieces of the overall puzzle.

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25. Mixed Signals by B.K. Borison--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I have a bit of a gripe with this author. While I like a good chunk of the books she writes, the third act breakups are so infuriating. They take away all of those happy feelings that were building up throughout the book because the drama and miscommunication for the third acts are freaking ridiculous.

I was listening to this book last night when it happened--the inevitable "I'm afraid and a coward and let me let you stew in this miscommunication so that it somehow makes sense for me to break up with you because I'm so scared." Listen, as someone who has anxiety and has relegated herself to singledom because I don't want to deal with the messy emotions, I UNDERSTAND. It's freaking scary. BUT. But for the love of god, there are better ways around this. This manufactured and forced drama is so frustrating. I literally wanted to throw the book out the window.

These characters deserve better.

Three stars because I loved them when they were actually functioning like human beings and not drama puppets. Three stars for the small town side characters, who I have loved the whole way through this series (I'd give THEM a higher rating). And three stars for the diversity of a Latine character (even if the Spanish was sometimes questionable.)

Will I read the last book? Of course. I want to read about the other couple, but I KNOW that I'm going to be frustrated as well. Listen, I didn't think I was going to get as annoyed as with the climax of book one (because book two was actually kind of okay with the climax), but oh man. The FRUSTRATION.

Sigh. Moving on. Read this series if you want cute moments and sexy characters, but be prepared for the moments of frustration. This FMC has a lot of things to work through and I think one of the things that frustrates me the most about these third act breakups is that they feel like they come out of nowhere. They're fine in the moment and then boom, "I'm a coward."

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26. Breathless by Amy McCulloch--⭐️⭐️⭐️

One of the issues I have with adult thrillers is that I sometimes build them up a lot more in my head than the story itself. While BREATHLESS kind of suffers from this, it had its interesting and captivating moments.

I thought the mountain climbing aspect of the book was really cool and I wanted the MC to prove everyone wrong, including her awful ex-boyfriend. Granted I know nothing about mountain climbing, but that aspect of the book is probably one of the main reasons why I kept listening to this audiobook.

The mystery was not predictable but also it kind of was? LOL. It's hard to explain--I didn't actively think it was one person, but when it was all revealed, I thought it made a lot of sense. Like I said, I thought the mountain climbing was the true thrilling aspect of this book.

Overall, this was fun and I loved that ending, but it wasn't something I think I'll be thinking about a month from now. It was good, but *shrug*.

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27. Slewfoot by Brom--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I didn't know what to expect from this beautiful book. I purchased it a couple of years ago because all of my friends were talking about it, so of course I fell to the peer pressure. Just like the beautiful and eerie artwork, the story itself is unsettling and straddles that morally grey line of justified vengeance and anger versus a society's portrayal of evil (ie. a woman refusing to be cowed by a male's authority.)

Reading this gave me this odd sense of satisfaction when everything came to a head--especially thinking about all of the women who were accused of witchcraft and murdered. I especially felt this anger when I think about how many people the MC helped and how those people let their fear and hatred guide their actions against her. I think, beyond the cowardice of a man not accepting defeat, that angered me the most--women turning on each other because of a male dominated society's idealism and "godliness".

Needless to say, I loved this and couldn't put it down. I wanted to know what came next, even though I KNEW it wouldn't be something good. I'm just grateful that Brom knew that I would be looking for those satisfying moments of vengeance.

Also, I'd call this terror in the sense of that overhanging fear of what comes next. But even with the gory bits and the blood lust, I'd say the real terror in this book is humanity and how easily they are swayed. It all leads to me wanting to ask: who is the true devil here?

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28. From Dead to Worse by Charlaine Harris--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I can't believe I've made it this far! Although, I have this feeling I have because the deja vu is hitting me HARD.

FROM DEAD TO WORSE had so much going on, but unlike some of the other books before this one, this one actually took place closer to home. I kind of missed reading about Sookie's misadventures near her home. We got to revisit a lot of her relationships with the men in her life in this one--like the cleanser book for any ends that weren't fully cut clean.

I may have been spoiled for who's endgame, so I am totally seeing how Harris starting laying down the little hints here and there. But even so, knowing this doesn't stop certain moments from feeling bittersweet for me.

More things were revealed and Sookie grew even more as a character. I understood why she made the choices she made because she's finally putting her self-worth above those of the men in her life, but I still DID feel a little bad for her beau in this one. But again, I am on her side because she's been dealt some shitty men cards in the last eight books.

Onto the next one!

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29. The Fake Mate by Lana Ferguson--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After trying and failing to read Ferguson's THE NANNY, I really wasn't sure what to expect with this vastly different genre of a book. I'm honestly so glad I decided to give this a shot anyway because THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN.

I was hooked onto the story and I loved the different tropes that were used. The whole grumpy/sunshine thing will always be a winner with me, and I am a puddle for this kind of tension. And don't even get me started on the smut. Omg, this man. The dirty talk in this was *chef's kiss*. This man is hot HOT.

I also really liked how the climax of the story was handled, even if one of my least favourite tropes was temporarily employed. I admire a self-sufficient FMC who can slap some sense into the MMC.

I do recommend this book to romance lovers, but I know that the topics explored in this book may be new to some. Research beforehand might be an awkward time LOL.

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30. Just Happy to Be Here by Naomi Kanakia--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I want to preface my review by stating that I am not a member of the Trans community, so my opinions on this book are from an outsider's perspective.

JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE was an intense read, both because of the clear transphobia and because of the MC's youth/naive nature about the people around her. The number of times she was cut off by those around her, or had such clear transphobic comments and actions done against her and she brushed them off was rage-inducing. I think I know why she does this--especially at the end, when it all ties up really nicely together, but in the moment, I felt immense rage towards the people around her.

Kanakia's novel touches on so much happening right now in society and how people twist narratives to fit their agendas and their means. How some people can see one person as an "object" to further their ideologies.

This book just made me feel a lot and made me so angry, but I know I am privileged in my cis-life. My heart broke for the kids who are in these situations and/or are surrounded by people who just refuse to see beyond their own biases and hatred.

I also appreciate the representation of the complex familial relationship between the MC and her parents--it may have been imperfect, but as an adult, I can see the love there for their daughter.

Between the beautiful cover, the emotionally stimulating and thought-provoking story, and the raw reality of a young character trying to figure herself out, I do recommend JUST HAPPY TO BE HERE. I do also recommend that the TWs be heeded: transphobic language, transphobia, internalized racism, transmisogyny. Read with care--but know that this is a pretty important story. Also, Kanakia has a pretty great author's note at the end!

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31. The Probability of Everything by Sarah Everett--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

THE PROBABILITY OF EVERYTHING was so much more than what I was expecting and although my heart feels wounded and my eyes are still feeling that aching pressure after a good cry, I'm so grateful I was able to experience it.

Twelve year old me wishes she had this book to read when my world changed so irrevocably, much like the MC of this book.

This heartbreaking novel follows a young scientist-to-be who likes to deal with probabilities in exchange for the anxiety surrounding her world ending. We are faced with a family grieving the end and how everyone handles it differently.

I don't even know what else to say about this book for fear of spoiling it--but know that it is powerful, important, and heart-rending.

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32. Long Shot by Kennedy Ryan--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read: January 2024

I've been wanting to re-read LONG SHOT for a while, even though it is a very heavy and dark book. I had forgotten just how dark this book gets and while I highly recommend it, I do still super recommend you check out the trigger warnings.

Despite the dark and the abuse, the shining light was the blossoming romance between the two MCs and how, if something is truly destined for you, it'll happen.

LONG SHOT is a book full of emotion, heart, heartbreak, and a bit of magic in the sense that Karma is a bitch and it comes for all. Also, the FMC is one strong woman who did everything she could to protect those she loves. Kennedy touches on the misconceptions that haunt survivors of DA, which I thought was a very important aspect of the book.

Now I want to read the rest of the trilogy, which I never read after the first time I read this one.

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33. Two Twisted Crowns by Rachel Gillig--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am always wary of sequels--especially when it's for fantasy books I initially really enjoyed. Somehow, Rachel Gillig delivers a sequel that was even better than the first book. TWO TWISTED CROWNS was a delight of a read full of dark moments, high intensity, anger, and a love story I felt more deeply than in book one.

The angst alone between two of the characters I wasn't expecting to see together was better than I could have ever hoped for. This was what made this book even more fun--just me casually waiting for these characters to just cross that line with each other.

Also, I found that TWO TWISTED CROWNS had me reacting more viscerally towards the hateful villains. The way I wanted to smack a bitch in this book because how dare they hurt these precious beings?

And, hi, I wasn't expecting to cry? Imagine that I'm enjoying this darker fantasy novel when all of a sudden, my eyes start to water during an emotional scene.

Let's applaud Gillig for making this a duology (hopefully) and not dragging this in a ten series saga. This whole series was such an incredible piece of fiction. I'm glad I fell into the hype and read these two books.

___

34. Holes by Louis Sachar--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Re-read January 2024

I don't even know how many times I read this when I was a kid. Reading it as an adult now was such an interesting experience. For one, the story felt a lot shorter and quicker than I remember it being. I also remembered everything because I'm not kidding when I say that I read this A LOT as a kid.

Being an adult, I can also see how truly sad this story could get--especially one of the historical stories told throughout the book.

Such an amazing classic and truly a gem.

___

Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

___

Happy reading!

[miniscrew-anon]

Psst hey hi, how about a perspective flip for your beloved miniscrew fic?

Mwah mwah (rodent anon on computer so no rodent emoji)

WOW I haven't touched this thing since May of 2022. But of course, my dear Rodent - anything for you (i do miss your little rat face tho)

-----

Shadow lets himself into the basement as he always does; loudly and without hesitation. Honestly, it's a small miracle he hasn’t been caught by anyone yet.

"So," He starts, "I have this fantasy."

Shadow has always enjoyed pushing his luck. There’s nothing quite like getting a good reaction out of his unsuspecting (or very suspecting, in this case) victim. It gives him a little thrill, knowing that he’s gotten under someone’s skin. He’s well practiced at keeping people off balance with a healthy dose of sharp wit and snark. He knows how to subvert the normal ebb and flow of conversation, how to slip into what people think are well-defended angles. 

Sometimes it’s easy - the stuck-up or straight-laced are always easy targets. But the best are the ones he has to work at. 

Rain is one of those. He’s nearly perfected that poker face of his; that deadpan, unassuming look of perpetual neutrality. So good that to the naked eye, he seems contradictory. Withdrawn, but involved. Uncaring, but opinionated. Mild, but sharp-tongued. 

Maybe that’s why they meshed so well - Four was water, and Shadow the ever-shifting container. 

To prove it, Shadow invites himself into Four’s personal space. Only for Four to flow around him, like a river altering its course to make space for a boulder. He doesn't clash or grate, he gives.

It’s nice. 

Most people don’t give in, don’t make space for all of Shadow's eccentricities. Or if they do they gripe and bellyache over what a sacrifice it is to deal with him. What a pain he is. They prefer to pick and choose what parts of him they allow, and which parts to ignore or even cut away. Plenty of people have tried to change Shadow. Plenty more have just given up on him. 

Four just meets him in the middle, for better or for worse. Like now, for instance. When he turns around and surprises Shadow, taking him to his knees with words alone. 

Four takes all of Shadow’s nonsense (all of himself) in stride. Gauges him in a second, reads everything under the surface. Sees the joke, the punchline, the underling want and all the things Shadow himself doesn’t recognize and gives back exactly what's needed and not what’s asked. He doesn't push nor pull, just exists and settles around Shadows cracks and crevasses. A tease, some attention, and a quiet moment. Some silence and a small break from Shadow's own mind, from a stressful, loud day.

Four doesn't know what happened today. Shadow didn't tell him and Four won't ask. He doesn't need to.

Shadow moans and groans when Four backs out of his space, a hair's breadth from his lips, but he’s satisfied. Sex between them is unnecessary. Four occasionally offers, and Shadow will always accept, but it’s not a foundation of their relationship. Hell, it’s not even a pillar. They could never take off their clothes, never kiss or touch each other's skin again, and Shadow would be just as happy.

(Although he won’t say no the sex swing idea - that shit sounds fun!)

-----

Brain tired and so this came out a lot more introspective than I thought it would. Somehow I think I have the opposite problem that Stormy does - I have a hard time writing from Shadow's POV but an easy time with Four.

Four & Shadow relationship ramble time:

Those two are so complicated to put to words sometimes. Not knowing the backstory or what drove them together makes for a very unique challenge sometimes. I have to make a lot of assumptions and keep things vague but I feel like at their core their relationship is built around mutual understanding but also mutual acceptance.

Shadow, I think, isn't a super good person at his core. And not like Dark where he was forced to do evil shit. I think a part of Shadow chooses to be that way. That he lacks the empathy that most of the cast has. He's selfish and enjoys pissing people off in a very unkind way. He might even go out of his way to do something cruel just to get a rise out of someone if he's in a mood. He's chaotic neutral - he does what he does in the moment that'll give him the most gratification.

In my mind he's never had unconditional love and I think that's something he struggles with in his relationship with Four. It doesn't come easily to him to he has to actually try. And he does because he wants to for Four. Because Four is the only one in the world who Shadow really cares for with his whole heart.

Four, at his core, is a good person. He'll make a sacrifice to help someone out. He'll go out of his way. But Shadow doesn't have that instinct. He'll always choose himself over anyone else when in the heat of the moment. And that causes quite a bit of tension when they get put into Situations.

Shadow has to fight his base instincts for Four. He wouldn't do it for anyone else in the world (maybe Dark - WIP in progress a lil about that) but for Four he'd do anything. Including maybe working behind Four's back to do shady shit for what he thinks is to Fours benefit.

Four, on his part, knows that Shadow is kinda shady and a real asshole. Kind of even a bad person. But he's okay with it despite everything. Which is one of the major reasons they work.

(for now, anyway. Maybe its something that's going to have to be resolved one day.)

[marshallpupfan]

You have a massive taste for Marshall Merch, so well: What, in your opinion is the most high quality items you've came across, Plushes, Toys, etc.

A part of me feels like the plush dolls are a bit hard to judge, since their quality can be all over the place. One day, you'll find a doll that looks surprisingly good, and then the next, Marshall looks like one of those knock-off characters sold at a dollar store. Still, I was able to pick out a few that I think represent some high quality, such as...

...the Build-a-Bear plush, which I think is still one of the finer plush dolls in my collection to this day. It's such a shame they don't sell these in the BAB stores anymore (last I heard, anyway).

And this plush doll from "GUND". Honestly, they often release high quality products, so I'm not surprised I'm finding myself including their name here. This one in-particular has always stood out to me.

Moving away from plush dolls, I wanted to find some items that I felt here high quality in the sense that A) they represent or look like the character quite well, B) are painted or manufactured carefully, and C) are actually sturdy or seem like they'll last.

This, sadly, leaves out some of the items I purchased recently. For example, that cup topper I got from the AMC Theater; it's nice, but Marshall's outfit on it is all red, despite his actual outfit having more color than that (such as the black on his hind legs). While it's a cool item and I'm happy to have it, that seemed like such a shoulder shrug to the manufacturers, thus I wouldn't deem it "high quality".

In any case...

One such item that fits this criteria, imo, is this item. It looks surprisingly great, the character looks quite accurate, and it doesn't feel cheap... and it's just a shampoo bottle! Crazy to think a company put this much effort into something that might get thrown away once its empty. This one was never sold in the United States, so I had to import it from the United Kingdom.

I also feel this bank fits my criteria, too. Funnily enough, this was also imported from the United Kingdom. I'd joke and say all of their products must be high quality, but I also imported a battery-powered bubble blower from them, and that thing feels so cheap and brittle, just staring at it might cause it to break. lol

The Christmas ornaments... er... hang on. That's not a great pic, huh? My phone can be so inconsistent. Sometimes it looks good, sometimes not. The flash can help, but not always. My TracFone camera is something that's NOT high quality. lol

Okay, now that I've returned with my mother's camera (after scrounging around for four AA batteries to power the thing)...

The Christmas ornaments can often look weird, hastily painted, and have eyes that appear so... off. But then you'll find ones like this that are surprisingly good. It really stands out, imo. However...

THIS is easily the best of the bunch. It's made by Hallmark, and the detail is surprisingly so good! My only gripe is the crease around his mouth, but even the Chase ornament (released a year prior) did the same thing, too. Guess it's unavoidable, since they didn't even skimp on giving the inside of his mouth some detail, too. I have to wonder if we'll ever see another Marshall ornament of this quality again? I hope we do... and I'll collect it, of course. :)

(The flash kept making the pic too dark, so this is the best I could do.)

This item also counts. It looks better than most of the figurines I've collected, and to think, it's just a simple flashlight. I guess it helps that the designs of the pups are quite simple, thus some products can get their likeness down pat so well... which makes it confusing when other manufacturers gets them so wrong. lol

This snow glove is also really, really good. The pups are a little expressionless, but other than that, it just looks great. I feel like plenty of care went into this one... which is probably why they sold out so quickly when I went looking for one. lol

I could probably find some more items, but I think this will do it for now. However, before closing this out, I would like to state one thing; just because I don't find every item in my collection to be of high quality, that doesn't mean I dislike them or something. Sure, that AMC topper I mentioned earlier might be missing some color and detail I was hoping to see, but I'm not disappointed in it at all. I was still really happy to get one! In fact, outside of a very few items, I've loved collecting everything you see in my collection thus far! Hey, something doesn't have to be perfect to be good. :)

[reikunrei]

Hiii

questions 2 and 3 of any Free! pairing olus makorin 🤭

oohohohooo yes!!! thank you thank you!

2. Who’s the messiest? The cleanest?

makorin:

I think that, for the most part, both makoto and rin are relatively neat and tidy. rin being tidy is something we’ve had canonically confirmed, and he has that sort of vibe about him, especially for stuff like clothes, the kitchen, and the bathroom. makoto also seems like a relatively tidy person, but only because he used to be more of a mess as a kid. and not even like stuff everywhere, food left out, dirty laundry everywhere, etc. it’s more like things getting put in the wrong place, leaving something out to be noticed later but growing around its presence instead, and a big one for him would be buying food and then forgetting it’s in the fridge because he can’t see it and then his poor batch of apples have gone rotten.

when he’s especially stressed, it leads to piles of stuff stacking up, which, of course, makes him even more stressed and suddenly it’s “oh no I need to find this important paperwork but I have 7 different stacks it could be in!” and now there’s paper everywhere as he tries to search for it and he’s near tears about it.

in the end, I could see rin buying him sticky tabs and label makers and folders and shelves to keep everything organized. sometimes things still get misplaced, but rin would take it upon himself to just casually pick up something out of place and go “yo, makoto, where does this live?” and makoto always finds the right spot for it. his favorite thing is the little blank magnets rin bought for them to doodle their produce on to indicate when something’s in the fridge so they use it before it goes bad.

and for my second pairing let’s dooooo hmmm momotori!!

now, hear me out, I know people would want to say that chaotic momo would be the one who’s the mess, and while he’s not necessarily neat and tidy, ai is the one who’s a total mess. similar to when we had it confirmed that rin is very neat, it was confirmed that ai is not a neat person. he tries to be! but as the week goes on, more and more stuff stacks up. the weekends are his time to clean up, but it gets awful before then. he also definitely tries to justify it with “it’s an organized chaos!” which is more or less true, but also… not. like if he’s searching for something on his own, he can find it pretty easily and without stress. if someone else asks for something specific from his tower of shit? the room will be a mess before he finds what they’re asking for, and he’ll be an apologetic nervous wreck about it the whole time. he definitely needs someone to kick him into gear in order to get things cleaned up, and for him to stay on top of it. and he definitely needs someone to say to him “no I promise you can throw this instruction pamphlet out, we don’t even have this device anymore.”

sadly I do not think momo is entirely that person, but! momo makes cleaning fun! he might gripe about it if he’s asked to do it, but when he’s the one suggesting it, he ends up going on a tear and makes the whole place spotless. he’s probably messier by way of like. food. not to any gross levels, but he’s left out a few too many dirty plates before and got way too excited about the cockroaches that ai was trying to scold him for. he’s also definitely neat about his interests, like stag beetles and other insects!! any jars and terrariums he has are super well kept and don’t have any buildup of grime, and all their food and supplies are super organized so he can treat them with the best care possible! that especially makes ai happy, because while he doesn’t dislike pyunski, he definitely does not want loose critters climbing all over the place.

3. Who fixes the vehicle after a breakdown?

makorin:

this is kind of a tricky one! because I can totally see makoto taking initiative and working it out, but also, god bless him, he’s kind of a moron. like, he could fix it, but it would take him 10x longer than rin bc he’s looking at the manual 17 times and can’t tell what’s what and keeps second guessing himself and getting scared because “what if I make it worse! what if I make the car explode” and rin sighs and says “you’re not gonna make it explode, makoto.” I think rin being basically on his own in australia at a young age made it easy for him to take charge and fend for himself, so he knows how to wing it and figure things out as he goes along.

honestly, I’m very tickled by the idea of makoto being unable to do the easy stuff like change a tire or refilling the wiper fluid etc. like it’s meant to be easy so he psychs himself out about it! however, if it’s something trickier than that, as soon as he gets over the immediate panic of the car breaking down, he can sit there and work out some fairly complex stuff, at least enough to get it going until they get to a mechanic. rin, on the other hand, I think handles the simple stuff like a pro. changes tires super fast, changes the oil frequently, is always ready to jumpstart a battery, but if it’s even slightly more complicated than your average mishap, he gets that deep furrow between his eyebrows and starts grumbling as he reads the manual and curses and gets all pissed off and frustrated. that’s when makoto’s “I need to take care of you” instincts kick in and his nerves completely dissipate as he helps rin through it step by step, leaving rin gaping at him like “he can’t even change a tire how did he figure this out.”

and let’s just do momotori again bc they’re cute!!!

I honestly think that, on their own, the both of them would be hopeless. ai is too much of a worrywart and momo would get distracted and be like “wait what’s this!?” and ai has to slap his hands away like “no don’t touch it we’ll never figure out how to put the pieces back together!!” like, maybe momo would try to brute force things, and think he totally fixed it, but in a way that’s like “you got the right answer but the process was completely wrong” so they still have to take it in to the mechanic to do it properly or else it’s going to be even worse later. ai would probably be fine for simple things, but he even struggles with changing a tire, so he usually just calls for a tow lol.

in the end, if they do like a cross-country road trip (by momo’s insistence) and if they broke down, I could see momo being stubborn and insistent on figuring it out on his own, like a fun crazy puzzle, and ai humors him while the tow company is on speed dial on his phone, and they end up stuck on the side of the road for hours but at this point ai is in too deep and he has to let momo see this through to the end, because he thinks he might actually do it! and he does! and momo scoops ai up and swings him around and they yell and cheer and get funny looks from the few other drivers that whizz by but ai is proud of momo and neither of them care about the looks!!

[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

At 3:45, we finally got air conditioning. Tomorrow is one of those 12-hour days because we are in training from 8:00 to 4:00 and then from 5:30 to 6:30 it's me the teacher. But of course it never ends at 6:30 there's always parents that come in at the very last minute and we always end up staying late.

I made my debut with my lil rollie cart today. It is taking a little getting used to. But everyone says I move a lot faster with it.

So I'm really wishing I would have done it sooner. But I'm so glad I have it because Friday is convocation. That takes place at the high school. And there are no close parking spaces at the high school. Plus, there is a lot of walking involved.

You first meet for some kind of breakfast, which I usually don't do because I never have anyone to sit with, and I hate sitting by myself because I feel like I'm looking at me. And then you go to the vendor room where there's all these people giving out free stuff, hoping that you'll give them some business in return. Like there's every investment place you can imagine and insurance places and all the different banks and other places that are just they're handing out free stuff. So you walk through that Gauntlet, and then you have to go over to the auditorium and find a seat, and you're usually just like packed in like sardines because every school has its own section.

Needless to say, I'm going to be very happy to have my 3 wheeler with me. However, I cannot figure out how to make it collapse. My husband showed me once, but I tried the exact same thing that he showed me, and it will not collapse. Which is pretty much fine because it is so slender it does not take up that much room anyway but we will be in close quarters at the auditorium so I'm hoping somebody can show me how to collapse it before then.

Oh, and on top of everything else, I am at that age where if I move even the slightest way wrong it pulls or strains something in my back. This morning I bent over to feed the cats and when I came up something just Twisted in my back. I've had that happen so many times. So I was grateful to have that cart with me today because I was in so much pain trying to just move regularly.

Being gone two days or rather a day and a half for the colonoscopy really set me back. My room isn't even close to being ready for the first day of school which is on monday. I am not ready for the first day of school as far as having lessons and everything planned out. The first two and a half weeks one of the other teachers is going to do the lesson plans and the lessons then we will switch off. Thank God because as I have griped in this blog May has previous she never gets me the lessons on time and because of that it screws up my entire day. I will be very glad to be responsible for my own lessons when the time comes.

I made the mistake of sitting next to this person during our last training. She sat there and Drew the entire time which is fine, some people do that in order to concentrate. But when we were supposed to be discussing things she was still drawing and pretty much just ignored me. Or should ask me something and when I would answer it was clear she was not paying any attention. If it was hurt her to talk she just blurted out something that sounded like she had rehearsed it a million times. It did not sound like it was anything sincere. And then through the rest of the professional development she was playing on her phone.

Our previous department head was pretty tough, but she was also really great at handing out praise. I am appraised junkie because of growing up without parents with no one ever telling me good job, way to go, I love you, I'm proud of you I didn't get any of that growing up. And I know teaching is pretty thankless and I try my best to have a thick skin about it but sometimes when I go above and beyond what other teachers to do and do my best at everything, sometimes I really just need to hear that. And I get the feeling this new department head is not going to say that that often. Maybe she will, but I just get that feeling or that vibe from her. I have got to find some kind of online or telephone counseling that I can get into. I don't think I will be able to handle the stress of working all the time and doing so much work if I don't hear that I'm doing a good job.

The other two people in my apartment have lived in this town all their lives. Our department head started working at City Hall when she was 16 and she later married the police captain. So she knows everyone in the town. Wherever she goes she knows someone. Both of them go to the same church and both of them have kids. So I am the odd person out completely. So when they get together, I might as well not exist.

I have got to start giving myself more positive self-talk.

I was in some Workshop the other day, and it just dawned on me how horribly I think of myself. You always see those posts on here that say, " If you wouldn't say it to your best friend, don't say it to yourself."

I feel like everyone looks down on me and that I'm not liked at all that I am only tolerated and seeing myself as I think other people see me has caused me to have the most negative self-image when it comes to my job and my performance. I have got to find a way to either do some daily affirmations or something that will change that mindset for the better.

[insertdisc5]

Devlog #3 - Musings About Text Speed

Hello everyone! Welcome to this month’s devlog! This one will be about what I did this month, and also text speed in video games.

Anyway, if you just stumbled upon this, I am Adrienne, also known as insertdisc5! I’m the developer, writer, artist, main programmer, etc of the game. The game being In Stars and Time, which is the next and final game in the START AGAIN series, following START AGAIN: a prologue (available here!).  You can find out more about In Stars and Time here!!! 

ALRIGHT LET’S GET TO IT

I've had quite the productive month, mostly because I took a one week break from my day job to chill and rest and work on the game. Which means…

Act 3-4 is more or less complete and implemented and tested!!! I say "more or less" because I'm still missing a few illustrations, and a few sidequests I'd like to add. BUT!!! The main story for those acts is complete!!! YAHOO!!!

I've also been drawing a bunch, which hasn't happened for a little bit. After months of not drawing, I hung out with a friend and we drew together, which helped me unblock myself art-wise! THANKS, FRIEND!!!!! Anyway here’s one cryptic illustration, just for you guys.

(Siffrin goes ^u^)

I’ve also been playtesting the game from beginning to (temporary) end! I haven’t done that in a while, so it was interesting to play it in its entirety and see what works, what doesn’t (and needs to be fixed), and also the parts that are broken code-wise and I need to jump into and figure out. There’s less of those than I anticipated though, so: YAHOO

I do want it on the record that while playing through I knew what was going to happen (of course I did, I wrote the damn thing), but I did get some very fun moments that made me go “oh god!!!! That’s really good!!!!!! Who wrote this!!!!” I wrote this. It’s always fun to feel surprised by your own work, and it happened a bunch, so I’m very happy!!!

And now it’s on to scripting the few things for Act 3-4 I have left, and then finally jump into scripting for the final acts, Act 5 and 6. I’ve had the base for the events written down for a very long time, as well as countless notes on “ok we GOTTA MAKE SURE that this thing happens”, so it’ll be a matter of sitting down and making sure all those notes become a cool thing. Which it will, because, come on guys (I strike a pose) it’s me.

What else, what else… Oh! Somehow I found myself wondering about text speed this month.

I’ve asked my followers on twitter what text speed they preferred in their games, (buzzfeed voice) AND THE ANSWERS WERE SURPRISING (not really)

A few random ramblings about text and dialogue in video games:

-I found it very interesting that most people set text speed to fast-but-not-instant (FBNI speed!), and that people using instant speed were relatively low. It almost made me wonder if I should just force the player to play the game at FBNI speed (kinda like how Ace Attorney forces you to use one speed), but hey. If I can add options, might as well add them. 

-I did leave instant speed in in ISAT, but it IS kind of sad to see the text appear all at once when I already made sure the text appearing would pause slightly at every comma or end of sentence (see above!) One of my gripes with instant speed is that it sometimes kills the pacing. Can you really feel the WEIGHT of a sentence if it appears all at once?!?! Thankfully, I did find out how to add very slight pauses with the instant speed! Heck yeah! Even at instant speed, you will go at MY pace, player!!!!

-Many people also love when, if your text speed isn’t instant, you can press A while the text is still appearing to make the text appear all at once! Thank god this is already a thing in RPGmaker and I don’t have to figure it out myself. What I DID figure out is how to make this NOT happen, for important moments! Again, you will go at MY pace, player!!! It’s a fun, subtle way to catch the player off guard, so I’m glad I figured it out, teehee.

-One of the reasons I was wondering about text speed is that I’m a very fast reader, and I didn’t really take that into account when I made START AGAIN: a prologue! I had a few dialogues where the text would advance to the next box on its own, without player input, mostly when a character would interrupt another or something like that. Because it’s fun and cool! Haha they interrupted this character so the text box advanced on its own! How realistic! What a good use of video game code powers!

    But here’s the thing: some players (especially streamers, who read everything aloud) did not have time to read what was on screen before it went away! And if they had the text speed on instant, the code made it so that they would get literally one frame of text before it went away! AND THAT’S NOT GOOD!!! So for ISAT, I made sure I would add text that advances automatically VERY rarely, and when I did (because, again, it’s fun and cool), I made sure the text speed would slow down significantly, and the text would stay on screen for as long as it took me to say aloud a few times. So you are welcome, slow readers everywhere. Sorry it took me so long!!!!

That’s it, that’s all for today! Let me know if you have any questions, or if there’s any aspect of the game development struggle you’d like me to talk about! See you next time!!!

AND DON’T FORGET TO WISHLIST THE GAME ON STEAM ALSO IT REALLY HELPS BECAUSE STEAM’S ALGORITHM IS MORE LIKELY TO SHOW OFF GAMES WITH A HIGH AMOUNT OF WISHLISTS THAT'S THE REASON WHY GAME DEVS ALWAYS ASK TO WISHLIST!!! OKAY BYE!!!! 

[infinitefandomimagines]

Things the hq boys secretly love pt. 1

WARNINGS: language, some suggestive content

—

CHARACTERS: Iwaizumi Hajime, Suna Rintarou, Bokuto Koutarou, and Sakusa Kiyoomi

—

part 1 , part 2

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

• when you use his body wash, cologne, shampoo, etc. basically anything that makes you smell like him.

• makes him go absolutely feral inside.

• started one day when you ran out of your own body wash and you just used his instead. so when you went to hug him after your shower and he got a giant whiff of his body wash clinging to your figure? oh boy, he was done for.

• "sorry hajime, i forgot to buy more body wash yesterday so i just used yours, i hope that's okay."

• "yeah, it's fine."

• iwaizumi hajime is indeed not fine.

• he's all cool and collected on the outside, but internally he's losing his mind and thinking some not so safe for work thoughts.

• he starts doing things like: buying the larger bottles of his body wash, putting your body wash behind his or on a higher shelf, giving you clothing doused in his cologne, one time he even hid the new bottle you'd just bought for a few days before he "miraculously" found it.

• don't get me wrong, he absolutely loves the way you smell and all of your products, but there's just something about you smelling like him that gives him an odd sense of pride and makes his heart race.

• he never directly tells you he likes when you smell like him, but he'll drop little hints like saying "you smell nice" and "i like the new body wash you're using."

• "haj, this is your body wash?"

—

SUNA RINTARO

• when you film and take photos him instead of the other way around.

• he's literally always filming and taking photos of you, even has a whole album that consists purely of content of you. so when you decide to start taking revenge by doing the same, suna's heart soars.

• you even created his own little folder in your phone and he thinks its absolutely adorable.

• but that doesn't mean he isn't a little shit about it

• will 100% pretend to hate and be annoyed by it, but deep down he finds it endearing. not that he'd ever admit that.

• you'll catch him doing something subconsciously or just plain stupid. really anything you deem adorable and want to save and cherish for later.

• you even caught him dancing around while he was cleaning once.

• when he catches you filming he just stops whatever he's doing and his face settles into this deadpan expression. he’s all pouty and you'll let out this little giggle that melts his heart (but he's gotta keep up his "over it" act)

• mf is just like "cut the cameras. deadass."

• if you catch him doing something embarrassing he's not afraid to chase you down and tackle you in retaliation.

• gripes about you deleting it (which you always refuse to do) and then five seconds later will be like "...can you send it to me?"

• he may act all huffy about it in the moment, but he absolutely loves that you cherish these moments with him so much that you want to document them.

—

BOKUTO KOUTAROU

• when you crash boys night.

• you try not to do it too often because you respect his free time and his friends. but every now and then you'll come home a little earlier than planned or need to bring bokuto something he left at home.

• every time without fail, bokuto perks up with excitement and invites you to hang with him and The Boys™️ despite your intrusion.

• you've always thought he was just being nice because you're his s/o, but he genuinely wants you there.

• he loves that you make an effort to get to know his friends. it shows him you care about his personal life and those he's closest to. he really does want you to get along with his friends and vice verse

• at first his friends are a little dismissive of you, but they warm up to you pretty fast. they all secretly have a little soft spot for you after seeing how happy you make bokuto, but that doesn't mean you're exempt from teasing.

• kuroo flirts with you every now and then just to push bokuto's buttons.

• all of this also extends to when you invite him out with your friends.

• the fact that you also want him to get to know your friends and be part of that region of your life warms his heart.

• all of your friends love him of course, they think he's adorably hilarious. plus, they see how happy he makes you, so he's got their approval.

• basically what i'm saying is please invite this sweet boy out with you, and don't feel guilty about crashing boys night. he loves that his friends are becoming yours and vice versa.

—

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

• when you never fail to ask for consent before touching him (besides the obvious consent you both ask and give before nsfw acts).

• you're very aware of his germaphobia, and ever since you met him you've always been extremely respectful with his boundaries, even after the two of you started dating.

• the first time you asked was when you first met him. "is it okay to give you a hug?" "no."

• he was floored when you didn't even seem offended by his short and cold response. you just gave him a smile and an "okay!" and then moved on. uhh, why are his cheeks suddenly heating up?

• however, once he got more comfortable with you in your relationship, he told you that you didn't have to ask to hold his hand, cuddle, or give him a hug or a kiss. it was a big step for him and it didn't go unnoticed by you.

• but he can't deny that it warms his heart that you still ask.

• sometimes you'll look at him with raised eyebrows and he'll give a little nod of consent. other times you'll just pause your actions and wait, allowing him to make the first contact. but most of the the time you'll just straight up ask him.

• "is this okay?"

• "that's fine love, but you know you don't have to ask every time? you're my s/o after all."

• "yeah, i know."

• this man is putty in your hands

• he'll keep telling you that you don't have to ask anymore (he doesn't want you to feel awkward around him) but you assure him you don't mind and continue to any ways.

• he won't admit it, but he secretly loves that you still do. it shows him you respect his boundaries and care about him enough to put aside your own wants for his comfort.

—

A/N: i plan on having several more parts to this hc, and i already have a few other boys planned, so let me know who you want to see next!

[spinaroos-47]

spinny you watched the sea beast!!!!

i would like to hear All Of Your Thoughts (if you have time of course!) favorite line(s) and characters?? best scene?? what are your thoughts on captain crow?? (specifically the deal he made with that one lady whose name i conveniently cannot remember)

sorry i am just. very love that movie fdhdjdjs about to watch it again

Yeah i just finished it! I put it on because i had a headache and nothing better to do and i still have the headache but i am so happy to have watched it!

(Isa i know you can end up seeing this before you watch it so Im putting under a read more. Also i have a lot to say nfdnfnrn)

I LOVED this movie! I did get spoiled about the "maybe you can be a hero and still be wrong" BUT IT STILL HIT SO HARD!!! The messages and the themes were so good!!!! I kept screaming "THE THEMESSSSSSSSS" in a groupchat fksnfnfn

The color work was also amazing, i said on another post but i love how green = imperialism and red = the beast and the inevitable. And how the shade of green the king and queen wore was that arsenic green, not to mention how full of gold they and the palace was (that throne room reminded me of that one in edge of the world, color scheme and all)

A lot of moments gave me vibes of both the httyd movies and the books, which is so nice because they nail down some of the themes that i really like on both of them!

Tbh my favorite line besides the heroes thing is something exclusive to the portuguese dub (i watched it dubbed because again, headache. Which btw, really good dub), when Maisie says "let it end" in the dub she says "put a final point on this!" which i REALLY liked because it neatly ties into how they shaped the conflict through the books! Yeah, end the phrase! End the cycle! Full stop!

I really liked Jacob and Maisie, Jacob for...obvious reasons 😳 fjsnfnfnrn, but also his personality and mannerisms are so fun! The same for Maisie, she's a joy to watch. Sarah i really enjoyed too, ever since i saw her design before i even saw the movie. She's so cool

I really liked Crow's character, and i have to admit that he did have a lot of death flags but Im glad he didn't die. His arc was really interesting, though i don't have the words to explain it rn

I got so surprised that this movie had blood (and blood transfusions, that's a surprise but its a pleasant one because yeah that's something you usually dont see but that probably happened). All the little details in the movie were really cool, like how they were stocking up the royal ship with lemons to avoid scurvy, or how Jacob positioned himself to land in the water at that beast attack at the beggining of the movie, and the orders to change the direction of the ship was really cool, it sounded very legit

The character designs were amazing, with just a few gripes that i have with it. The first one is with the lady that crow made a deal with (i also dont remember her name). Like, did they really need to go with that pretty antisemitic look? Yikes.

The second one is with some of the beasts, including Red. She's just too smooth. Of course that for an easier time swimming it makes sense for her to be smooth, she almost looks plastic sometimes. But that you usually see on aquatic mammals, and Red isnt a mammal, if you look at fishes and aquatic reptiles theyre not smooth usually, theyre more like that beast they killed in the first 20 minutes. That design was really cool.

I guess i kinda get more why people didn't like the light fury's design in the hidden world. But it worked there. Red's design is not bad, but again, way too smooth and tbh kinda bland. I saw some of the original designs with her having stripes and more spikes which i really liked. Her design works, but it could be better. They could have gone a little scarier with her i think. Could helo drill in the themes of misunderstanding and propaganda more.

I'll use toothless from the movies as an example because i think he's a good example and they kinda look similar. He still looks very intimidating, his design works as both cute and scary. Like, he genuinely scared me from watching the first movie for the first time for a good while, at least for three whole years, even when he looked more cute than scary. They could have pushed it a little more.

And i kinda have a similar issue with Blue and that yellow beast on the island. Theyre too smooth and feel out of place. Red has a bit of that too but Blue and that beast do feel like that a lot more. The movie is colorful, but Blue is almost neon, and it can work but it clashed too much and he felt way too cartoony in a direction that didn't match, its more caricature-esque than full on cartoon. He'd work amazingly on subnautica though. I loved the crab beast btw.

Theres some things that i think they could have explored more/gone more in depth but Im pretty happy with this final result, id like a little bit more of the end scene of Maisie and Jacob on their new life, Im not asking for much, maybe a minute or two more.

I liked how at the end they went "we won't disturb them. We should leave them alone", that is a part that gave me vibes from both the httyd movies and books, hell, the books even have the poisoned huge as fuck sea creature goes back to god knows where on the ocean to not be bothered by humans anymore. I know its not for everyone but it served it's message really well. And i think it dealt with it better than the hidden world. I love that movie and the decision, i just think that on the sea beast it worked even better, it was integranted in a different way with the message and i prefer that one

This movie captured a lot of what i want for one of my stories. It gave me quite a bit of food for thought on that story. Because it does also have a war between humans and sea creatures (although on mine theyre sentient humanoid beings) and one of the alternatives one of the characters have is "we should cut off contact". Its a story i really like, id love to apply what Ive seen in this movie on it when i get back into being interested in my own stories

So yeah, really great movie!

[genuflectx]

Terato Book Review: The Mabon Feast (Wheel of the Year #1)

The first novel I reviewed was a sci-fi story I didn’t care much for, so this time I thought I’d go with more fantasy!  The first half has vague spoilers, such as descriptions of sex and if there was a happy end or not. Under the cut you’ll find a longer review with detailed spoilers. Here we go!

The Mabon Feast (Wheel of the Year #1) by C.M. Nascosta. The premise is that a witch, Elizabeth “Ladybug,” has lost all her family and has been cast out of her coven. As a result her income dwindles and she takes on a tenate into her huge house, who happens to be of a mysterious arachnid species (i.e. a drider) named Anzan. He’s quiet and keeps to himself, but over the course of a few months, and as Ladybug prepares to celebrate a religious holiday alone, things between them change.

Let’s get out our pros and cons list!!

PROS

- This is a short novella, possibly no longer than 35,000 words, that you can read in one sitting. This makes it a perfect little read for something that’s short, full of heart, and steamy.

- The prose is really well written and imagery is very vivid. I was never left confused.

- The plot itself is not incredibly difficult to follow. Plot simplicity may be a pro for some and con for others- but for me the easy plot works well for its length and is a pro. 

- I found all the characters empathetic and engaging- which is really just Ladybug and Anzan. They both have interesting personalities and unique character traits (which should be the bare minimum, but after the last novel I read you’d be surprised). 

- Anzan is very much a big spider, like the cover art! He has unique genitals.

- This is explicit erotica, so it’s not a spoiler they have sex. There’s a lot of build up to it, and then it doesn’t disappoint. The suspense was one of my favorite parts.

CONS

- It’s short. I finished it in about two hours and a half. For me this isn’t a big deal; it’s the length of a novella and does what it needs to do, and does it well. But I understand for others short length may be a con so I’m adding it.

- Yes, prose is vividly descriptive. But it’s also incredibly flowery and I sometimes felt overwhelmed by scenes that didn’t really need that amount of flowery detail. Some paragraphs would get awkwardly packed full of information. I think Nascosta could have done well to find a middle ground.

- A little about Anzan’s past is revealed closer to then end, but I think I would have liked to know a little more about him as a person. He’s elusive and mysterious for most of the story, and that nugget was all we got about him. 

- Though the sex scene was pretty fun and hot, its pacing did come off as a bit rushed once they got into it.

- Anzan’s appearance changes over a few months, and I have thoughts about that best left under the cut due to spoilers. In general I just don’t think the change was explained well.

★    ★    ★  FINAL RATINGS:

Monstrousness: 7/10 Eroticism: 9/10 Story: 7/10 Characters: 8/10

MY FINAL SCORE: 8/10 (Awesome!)

SPOILERS

I really did enjoy this short little novella! It reads like the erotic monster stories you see other’s share for free on Tumblr. The descriptions were great but sometimes they were so wordy that the main point of the paragraph got lost. One particularly long paragraph had Ladybug getting her hair done- and she goes on this looooong as balls train of thought about... I can’t even remember because it was so wordy and generally not plot relevant. Parts of it lead into the coming paragraphs, yes, but most of it could be cut down and the story would lose nothing. That was really my only gripe with the writing style, otherwise  Nascosta really paints pictures in your mind!

Anzan was a really fun character. Something about this strange willowy arachnid man showing up and then just... not seeing him for months. You know he’s there, you can hear him, he pays rent. But you never see him leave. I really do wish we learned more about his personality and past. However, the way Nascosta implies why he showed up at Ladybug’s door at all was brilliantly done. She never directly has him say “I was cast out.” She has him explain how his species casts out the 2nd unmarried son- implying that’s why he appeared out of nowhere and why so far from home. Just awesome.

I don’t know how I feel about him going from sickly to jacked af though. Being in the terato community I can assume this was related to being in heat, but sometimes Ladybug’s thoughts made it seem like she tried to reason it off as Anzan eating well and... exercising? However, the idea of guy going from so weak that his spider legs don’t look like they can hold his weight to guy looking like a bodybuilder was almost humorously goofy. I think if she explained in more detail that maybe this was a result of really hyped up hormones (like natural steroids) from being in heat it would have been a bit more believable. But maybe Ladybug just didn’t think of that, so thus the author didn’t write it in.

I really enjoyed wondering wtf Ladybug did to get cast out of her coven. The whole story she’s so sad, crying under the moon, feeling like she shamed her family. Then she accepts that no matter that she was cast out- she’s still a witch and her reasons were sound. Finally near the end Nascosta tells us she was cast out for refusing to kill babies in a ritual. That sentence alone tells you a LOT about Ladybug vs. the society of witches she’d grown up in. Great world building in just a short piece of information.

Overall this novella was really well put together! It has a compelling, emotional plot, intense build up to the sex scenes, and characters that you can’t help but feel invested in. Only book #1 is out (as of 6/14/2022) but I could see myself reading the next iteration if these two are a part of it. The only reason I don’t rate it higher than 8 is, honestly, personal preference. But it’s still a great read! I’d say give this novella a try if you haven’t already.

This marks the 5th book I’ve read for my terato reading list! I’ll be looking for more works to add to the list so I can publish it here on Tumblr soon owo