#i have my abandonment issues so i can guess how hard it must have been for her

[snakedemonstories]

You know what? I love Xiao Yao. She has her abandonment issues and blah blah blah, but even now after all that he's said and done to her (let's remember: he has told her he had no feelings for her, that opening her heart up to FFB was foolish, he hurt her using the bug and made her feel like she is merely a pawn to his purpose) she still considers him a friend. And has the courage to tell him so. Risking a hurtful reply from him. Because even at this point, she still hopes that he can change his mind and save himself from a certain death. And that means more to her than keeping her ego intact.

His reply is not surprising at all. All he does at this point is push her away and make her hate him. He won't be another person who abandoned her, because he won't allow himself to get close to her.

[taeyongdoyoung]

daddy's home

summary: boyfriendless, jobless and hopeless, you rush to take the first opportunity you find, which is a nanny position. but the kids are not the only ones you grow fond of... pairing: seungcheol x reader genre: fluff, smut, single dad x nanny AU warnings: kids (triggering, i know), age gap (unspecified), mentions of past cheating, abandonment issues, potential therapy, male masturbation, confessions, blowjob, kissing, eating out, protected sex (unbelievable), dirty talk, size kink, pet names (sweetheart, angel, darling, little girl), sir+daddy kink, unprotected sex (with baby-making goal), breeding kink, creampie, more kids (sorry im ovulating) author's note: this is loosely based on the sitcom the nanny in that there's a single dad with three kids but minus the dead wife trope cuz that's too depressing for my tastes word count: 4.3k

You are desperate. Your shitty boyfriend cheated on you, broke up with you and you also lost your job. So it’s been a couple of terrible weeks. Now, you would take pretty much any kind of job as long as it pays enough for you to afford food and the bills. ASAP.

Single dad looks for a live-in nanny for his three kids. Full-time with Sundays off. Contact this number for more details.

Okay, truth be told, you’ve never considered yourself as someone who is good with kids. But how hard can it be? Have you mentioned you’re desperate?

“Listen, Miss L/N,” Mr. Choi, your potential future employer starts. “I appreciate your enthusiasm but I’m not just going to hire you. I’m looking for someone with experience.”

“Well, I have a bunch of nephews, if they turned out alright under my care, then I guess that counts for something,” you chuckle.

“That’s very nice but I’m talking about professional experience. Have you been a nanny before?”

“Technically, no, but how can I get experience if you won’t hire me?”

“Touché,” Mr. Choi laughs.

“How about a trial period? Let me spend some time with your kids under your supervision and prove myself capable.”

Mr. Choi nods reluctantly.

“Well, you’re in luck since my little goblins have driven away five nannies in the past month.”

Oh, dear. Five nannies…And here you were thinking this could be an easy job.

“So, what’s one more?” you chuckle nervously and Mr. Choi shakes your hand, agreeing to give you a chance.

You are excited when meeting his kids. The eldest daughter - Chaerry is 15, very elegant and polite. You think that you’ll have no problems with her and you’ll have lots to talk about. The middle child and only son - Dino is 10, extremely mischievous and loud. You’ll definitely have problems. Finally, the youngest daughter, Elsie, is 5, she’s such a cutie but leaves a mess of her toys everywhere she goes. It’s easy to trip if you’re not careful, but nothing you can’t handle.

The trial period goes by in a flash. Dino attempts to get on your nerves by pulling pranks like hiding fake spiders in your bag and spraying your outfit with ketchup, but you accept all that with an easygoing laugh. Elsie constantly asks you to play with her toys and you need an unlimited source of ideas to keep up with her wild imagination, but it feels more like fun than a job. Chaerry is quiet and doesn’t share much at the beginning but eventually tells you about this boy at school she has a crush on. So, you count that as a success.

“I must admit, Miss L/N, I had some worries at first but seeing how quickly my kids accepted you is remarkable,” Mr. Choi shares his observations with you at the end of the trial period.

“So, am I hired, then?” you beam with excitement.

“Absolutely, yes. The kids have taken a liking to you and changing nannies so often is probably not great for them, either.”

“So true. Kids need stability and I would be happy to stick around for as long as you’ll have me, Mr. Choi,” you are thrilled not only because you will have a bed to sleep, food to eat and money to spend, but because you are genuinely looking forward to spending more time with these little munchkins.

And spend time with them you do. You're not sure what exactly it is that makes the kids warm up to you, but whatever the reason, it's working.

With Chaerry, you talk about boys and high school drama and make-up. On one occasion, she tells you something that sincerely touches you.

“Thank you for being my best friend, Y/N. I know I shouldn't keep stuff from my dad, but he can be so overprotective sometimes it's difficult to talk about...well, going on dates with boys, mostly.”

“Aww, Chae, you can tell me anything. It'll be our little secret,” you give her a wink, followed by a hug.

You're not exactly sure what the correct response here is. But you'll make sure to maintain some kind of balance - both look after her safety so that Mr. Choi sleeps peacefully at night and not betray Chaerry's trust in you.

With Dino, after the initial phase of silly pranks passes, you notice that he's become more honest and calm.

“You won't leave us like our mom and all the other nannies did, will you?” he asks you one afternoon as you're watching TV together.

You haven't asked Mr. Choi what exactly happened with these kids' mother because frankly, it's none of your business, but something is telling you they're a lot more hurt than they let on.

“I'm not going anywhere, Dino,” you promise, though really, it's up to Mr. Choi to decide that.

“Good. It would really suck if you left.”

That's a lot, coming from the kid who damaged like half of your wardrobe with all kinds of sauces.

With Elsie, another strange situation takes place due to the fact that the kid has no filter.

“Let's play family!”

“Um, okay,” you agree without thinking much.

“This will be daddy,” Elsie points at a stuffed lion plushie and then grabs a tiger plushie, “And this is you, mommy!”

“Oh, honey. I'm not your mommy,” you try to explain as gently as possible.

“But can you be? Daddy says our mommy left and has a new family somewhere else.”

Okay, that's a lot to unpack here. Though you don't think it is your place, you'll need to have a conversation with Mr. Choi, because the kids obviously have some kind of unresolved trauma...

One evening, after the kids have gone to sleep, instead of going to your room, you wait in the living room for your employer to come back from work, so you can approach the subject as delicately as you can.

“Good evening, Miss L/N. Kids go to bed?” he greets you as he takes off his coat.

“Evening, Mr. Choi. Yes, they did. I was wondering if we can have a chat. It can be a sensitive topic, I'm sure, but for the sake of the kids, I think it's important.”

Mr. Choi nods and takes a seat next to you on the couch.

“About their mother...”

“I was wondering how long it'd take you to bring that up,” he chuckles bitterly. “Other nannies wanted me to spill the tea on day one.”

“Wow, seriously?”

“It's not like it's this big secret, I just prefer not to talk about it unless absolutely necessary. My ex-wife...cheated on me and got pregnant by another man, so we had a divorce and I kept the kids, because she said she wants to start anew with this other guy, and...well, the kids said this is their home and that they won't move. So, I suppose the judge took that under consideration.”

“My God. I had no idea.”

“You couldn't have known, considering I just said I don't enjoy revisiting those painful memories.”

“Yes, of course, I only meant that...I guess it explains some things. Forgive me for saying this, but I think the kids have some kind of abandonment issues. Elsie and Dino, in particular, they seem to have a fear that I'll leave just like...well, their mom and the other nannies.”

“And are you? Leaving, I mean.”

“Not if I can help it. Mr. Choi, your kids are very vibrant and precious to me. I genuinely love my job. But I'm worried that what happened with your ex-wife affected them more than they show. Maybe you should look into therapy?”

“I will definitely take that into consideration. Thank you for your candour, Miss L/N.”

“You're most welcome.”

“What about Chaerry?”

“What about her?”

“You said that Elsie and Dino express these abandonment issues. Does Chaerry not have them?”

“She probably does, but at the moment she's too busy thinking about boys.”

“Boys? At her tender age? I don't think so,” Mr. Choi immediately goes into ultra alpha protective dad mode and you honestly find it kind of funny. And hot.

“Oh, relax, Mr. Choi. It's just typical high school drama. There's nothing to be worried about.”

He shakes his head disapprovingly.

“I'm counting on you. Does it ever occur to you how quickly they grow up?”

“I suppose it's more difficult for you. I've only known them for a few months but I think I get what you mean.”

“Yeah...How strange, it feels like you've been part of this family forever.”

You try not to think too deeply about it. He...considers you part of this family. Elsie called you mommy. Dino doesn't want you to leave. And Chaerry talks to you about boys. A topic, which girls usually discuss with their mothers. Oh, sweet heavens. Maybe, this nanny gig is becoming more than a job...

One Monday Mr. Choi texts you not to come to work this Saturday, as the kids will be spending some time with their grandparents (aka Mr. Choi's parents). However, the moment you receive the text, you're too busy trying to escape from Dino who is chasing you with a water gun in the garden. So, you somehow forget to put it down in your calendar.

Saturday arrives and poor Mr. Choi thinks you'd be in your own apartment. Finally, some peace and quiet. His parents picked up the kids early in the morning to go to the park with them so he's all alone and free to do as he pleases.

But alas, you go down the stairs of Mr. Choi's enormous house and make your way to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for the kids. However, it's too quiet. Hm, how strange. Maybe, they're not awake yet? You shrug as you pour some milk and cereal in a bowl.

Oh, you hear some noise from the living room. Is that the TV? Your curiosity gets the better of you and you enter it only to find Mr. Choi in a very compromising position. He is touching himself, watching very obscene things on the big screen!

You are on the verge of chastising your boss for doing something like that in the living room, where the kids could walk in any minute, when you remember. The kids...They're with their grandparents today. Which means that...Fuck, you're not supposed to be here. You should be at your own apartment instead of being witness to...your very sexy and very single employer taking care of his needs.

You are going to sneak back into the kitchen and wait for a more appropriate time to leave the house when you hear it. At first you think you're hallucinating but then you hear it twice. Your name.

“Y/N...please, let me-” Mr. Choi moans, his eyes closed, he is unaware of your presence.

However, he doesn't get to finish his sentence because you are so shocked that you drop the bowl of cereal, which shatters on the ground with a loud noise.

“Fuck, I'm so so sorry,” you murmur nervously as your boss finally notices you watching him.

His cheeks flushed, his lips pouting, he is the most adorable you've ever seen him. He hurries to tuck his cock back into his pants and turn off the TV.

“N-no, I'm sorry...Miss L/N, what are you doing here?”

Oh, so you're Miss L/N now...Very well, then.

“I apologize. It must have slipped my mind that the kids are with their grandparents today.”

“It must have,” Mr. Choi repeats coldly, obviously embarrassed by this situation.

You wonder if you should tell him what you heard. Would that be unprofessional? But then again, he is the one who said your name, so...what is professional anyway?

“Do you want me to leave?”

He sighs deeply.

“What's the point? You already saw me...fuck, I feel so humiliated.”

“Why would you feel humiliated? Am I so undesirable that my presence immediately turned you off?” you ask bluntly.

“That's not the case and you know it.”

“I'm not sure I know anything anymore,” you admit. “You...said my name. How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“You were never meant to hear that,” Mr. Choi hides his face behind his hands, the redness refusing to leave his complexion.

“But I did. So, what now?”

“Please, don't quit. I realize that what I did is unforgivable but...the kids care about you so much, it would devastate them to lose you.”

“I wasn't even thinking of quitting. But...are the kids the only ones who care about me?” you need to know.

“No...As it so happens, I care about you.”

“So, stop hiding from me,” you don't know where that boldness comes from as you grab his wrists and remove his hands, so you can look at his face. Fuck, he's so pretty.

“You're not...grossed out by me?” Mr. Choi blinks at you in surprise.

“Kinda flattered, actually,” you confess. “But I'd like it much better if you let me take care of your frustrations.”

“You would?” he is unable to believe his luck when you drop on your knees in front of him and take him out of his pants again, engulfing his cock with your pretty mouth. “Y/N...”

The way he says your name is enough to make you even more enthusiastic, sucking him deeper and bobbing your head to the best of your abilities. He grips your hair tightly and you make sure not a drop is spilled as you swallow his cum down your throat. You wipe off your lips and sit down next to him, unsure of what to do next.

“Mr. Choi...”

“Call me Cheol, please.”

“Cheol...may I kiss you?”

Seungcheol doesn't respond and instead kisses you passionately, grabbing your face with his hands. His tongue is exploring your mouth in ways you'd never imagined could bring so much pleasure and you can't resist the urge to sit in his lap. Somehow, against all reason, he's hard again, as you grind against him. Fuck. He's so hot and sweet and amazing you just want to make him happy. How anyone could cheat on this fine man is beyond you.

“Um...not to assume or anything, but do you have a condom?” you ask sheepishly.

“I do, yes,” Seungcheol goes to his coat and brings a package.

“I mean, don't get me wrong, I love kids, but I think we should be responsible considering this is our first time together and you already have three of your own,” you're probably talking too much but oh well. Better safe than sorry.

“No, I understand. You're totally right.”

“Will you fuck me?” you inquire.

“Here? On the couch?” Seungcheol is in disbelief.

“Well...you were touching yourself here, but I guess it's whatever. Your home, after all.”

He chuckles, suddenly embarrassed again.

“Come on, let's go to my room.”

Seungcheol offers you his hand and you follow him upstairs excitedly. Is this really happening? Are you seriously going to do this with your boss?

He lifts your chin up because he notices you're not meeting his eyes out of nervousness.

“Look at me,” he commands you easily and you're on the verge of falling apart and he hasn't even undressed you yet. The power this man holds over you... “We don't have to do this if you're not ready.”

“It's not that. I do want this. It's just...I don't remember if I told you but I was also cheated on. A little before I came to work here. And like, I haven't been intimate for a while, so I'm nervous. What if I mess something up?”

“Okay, first of all, give me that asshole's address, I just wanna talk. And second of all...darling, I haven't been intimate since way before my divorce took place. Trust me, I'm a lot more nervous than you right now.”

You shake your head.

“Whatever you do, I'm sure I'll find it like super hot.”

Seungcheol laughs and tilts his head, kissing you again.

“You're so cute,” he whispers against your mouth. “I can't wait to ruin you.”

And just like that, it's as if a switch is flipped. He pushes you onto the bed and leans above you menacingly, a devilish smirk painting his pretty face. Seungcheol pushes your dress up hurriedly, touching you all over.

“You really thought you could get away with it, huh? Walking around my house in those dresses of yours looking so sexy? Tempting me?”

“N-no, s-sir,” you murmur, not knowing where the title is coming from.

“God, I'm such a cliché. An old man unable to resist the gorgeous young nanny...”

“You're not old, sir,” you try to reassure him. You're not sure if he's just engaging in dirty talk or is actually having some insecurities. He's still young in your eyes. Whatever the case, you're there for him.

“Don't lie to me, sweetheart. I'm too old for ya...I have three kids. What do you have, hm?” Seungcheol speaks while caressing your pussy through your panties.

“I have you, sir,” you smile and palm his dick teasingly.

He sighs wistfully and buries his head between your folds, licking and teasing until you're a soaking mess for him.

“S-sir, p-please...C-cheol, don't stop,” you cry out helplessly.

It feels so good, too good. He holds you down, hands gripping your thighs as you cum against his tongue. He barely gives you any time to recover as he rolls up a condom on his cock. You stare at him hungrily, impatient to have him inside of you.

Seungcheol is like the drug everyone warned you about. Once you have him, you won't be able to quit.

“Are you ready?” he asks softly in sharp contrast with his previous behaviour.

“Please take me, Cheol,” you would beg if you had to.

And take you he does, entering you deeply with his big cock.

“Fuck, you're so tight, barely fitting me in,” he speaks, stroking your clit in circular motions with his thumb, while he fucks you harshly.

“It's okay, I won't break, sir,” you try to convince him.

“What if I want you to break, little girl?” Seungcheol inquires, his voice half-joking, half-serious, as he.

“Then, I'd be happy to serve you, daddy,” the word slips from your lips before you could think twice about it.

“Daddy, huh? You need daddy to make you cum?” you are grateful he plays along instead of making fun of you in this very vulnerable moment.

“Yes, daddy, please, I'll do anything for you,” you promise in a daze.

“Cum for me, sweet girl, let daddy take care of you,” his deep voice is enough to bring you to the edge.

“Fuuuck, daddy...Cheol,” you mumble repeatedly, as white appears before your eyes.

You're shaking in his arms but it feels like flying.

“I've got you, angel, daddy's right here,” Seungcheol comforts you, as he rides out his own high, spilling inside the condom. Then, taking it off and throwing it in the garbage bin, he hurries back to you.

You make grabby hands at him and he envelops you in a hug.

“I'm here, sweetheart,” he kisses your forehead gently and you melt against his chest.

“Cheol...I think you just murdered me a little,” you laugh.

“Well, then, I better make sure I revive you, because I can't imagine my life without you.”

“Good. You ain't getting rid of me.”

“That sounds perfect because me and the kids would like you to stick around.”

“Oh God, the kids! What time are they coming back?”

“We've got time, don't worry, they should-”

“Daaaad, we're home!” you hear Dino's loud voice from downstairs.

“Fuck,” Cheol curses under his breath and the two of you hurry to make yourselves look somewhat presentable.

Once dressed and back in the living room, you can only hope that you're not too obvious about what went down. However, you can't stop yourself from glancing at Seungcheol and he's just as flustered as you.

“Oh, hi, Y/N,” Dino greets you as if it's completely normal for you to be there. As if you belong.

“How was your time with your grandparents?” you ask, trying to act casual.

“We had so much ice cream!” Elsie squeals excitedly.

“Grandma and Grandpa took us to the park,” Chaerry starts telling you about everything they did in great detail and you are glad that the shy girl you first met is becoming a confident young woman.

Elsie is asking for more ice cream but Seungcheol is explaining that it's lunch time. Dino is painting the table with mustard and honestly, that's so on brand for him...

It is funny where desperation brought you. You realize this is the happiest you've been in a while.

Later, when Seungcheol catches you alone after spending the afternoon with the kids, he asks:

“I know we kinda messed up the proper order of things, but...would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Oh! I'd love that, Cheol. Is it okay to still call you that?”

“Yeah, it's alright.”

“What about in front of the kids? I'm not sure to what point you'd like to mix professional with...personal life.”

“In front of the kids is okay, too,” he laughs, scratching the back of his head. “Actually, do you know what Elsie keeps asking me?”

“What?”

“When will you make Y/N my new mommy?”

“Yeah, that definitely sounds like something Elsie would say.”

“So, um, no pressure. But I think you're more than the nanny to me.”

“Well, I would certainly hope so. I didn't raise you, mister!”

Seungcheol can't miss the opportunity for a joke. He takes hold of your hand and places it on top of his...very hard dick.

“You raised him, though,” he whispers.

“Mr. Choi!” you hiss, scandalized. “I mean...Cheol.”

“Did you mean daddy?” Seungcheol teases you relentlessly.

“Stop it, you deviant!” you shake your head. “Fuck, you'll never let me live this down, will ya?”

“Do you kiss your boss with that mouth?” he smirks.

“Don't mind if I do,” you reply and bring your lips to his.

A year passes by quickly. You love every day of your life. Whether it'll be spending time with the kids, or going on fun dates with your boss turned boyfriend, or having mind-blowing sex with said specimen, you are truly happy with how things turned out for the best.

With one tiny thing missing.

“Cheol, can I ask you something?” you mumble one evening, as you are playing with his soft, fluffy hair.

“Of course, sweetheart,” Seungcheol turns towards you, giving you his fullest attention.

“Have you ever thought about having more kids?”

“Hmm, it hasn't crossed my mind. I already have three kids. But it depends. Is that something you're interested in?”

“Not till now. But if it's with you, I'd love to have a kid,” you confess shyly.

“Well, then, let's make you a mommy,” Seungcheol quickly makes it his mission and for the first time, doesn't use a condom.

“Yes, please, daddy, give me your cum,” you moan wantonly, as he fucks you deep.

“Take it like the good girl you are, I'll give you all I've got, fuck a baby in ya,” he grunts in your ear, sounding even more excited than you are.

“I love it, feel so full,” you whimper and can't stop kissing him. You can't believe this beautiful man is yours and wants to give you another present.

“That's right, sweetheart, I'll stuff you full of it,” he moans and releases himself inside you. Your walls clench around him, pulling him deeper, as you reach your high.

Seungcheol gently pushes the cum that's spilling out of your pussy back inside and lifts your legs up.

“Do you think it'll stick?” you ask doubtfully.

“Can't hurt to try again until it does,” he shrugs, determined to succeed.

Nine months later, as you welcome the twins into the family, you realize you've never expected to achieve so much happiness.

“You really had to outdo yourself and give me not one but two babies,” you playfully push Seungcheol's shoulder.

“Is it too late now to say sorry?” he grins nervously.

“Don't be. I'm more than satisfied. But you'll have to give me a raise!”

“I'll give you something better than that,” Seungcheol promises and pulls a diamond ring out of his pocket.

“Oh my God,” you are in shock.

“Y/N...you've given me more than I could ever hope to deserve. You started off as a nanny but you became my three kids' best friend and now, the mother of two more angels. You became my closest person, my source of joy, my sweetheart. Knowing that I can come home to you is the best thing that's ever happened to me. Will you do me the absolute honour of becoming my wife?”

“Yes, of course, yes!” you say through your tears and kiss him, as he slides the ring on your finger.

“Can I call you mommy now?” Elsie peeks her adorable head behind the door, followed by Dino and Chaerry, who are all excited by the good news.

“Congratulations, Y/N!” Chaerry greets you with a hug and whispers: “Thanks for taking one for the team and making our lonely old man. happy.”

“Hey, I heard that!” Seungcheol complains loudly.

Dino jumps on the back of his dad with a loud squeal.

“You better treat her right, Dad!” the boy warns. “Or I'll ketchup your room!”

“Why do I feel like I'm the one being welcomed into the family?” Seungcheol bemoans his fate but he's never smiled wider.

“You'll get used to it,” you joke. “Come on, guys, meet your new brother and sister.”

“Hii, babies!” Elsie and Dino jump excitedly around the twins.

“Oh, they're so cute! Aren't they so cute, Dad?” Chaerry coos at the babies.

“They are, but it's too early for you to think about how cute babies are. Look at me...I already have five. Isn't it tragic?” Seungcheol keeps messing around.

“It could have been twelve or something,” you play along.

“I can't imagine,” Seungcheol cries out indignantly. But deep down, maybe he can.

The End

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

What remains of us, pt. 6

Summary: Worried what the future might bring, Wally and Y/N decide to delay what must be done for a while longer.

Warnings: death, angst, mentions of mental health issues, fluff, mentions of a SCHOOL SHOOTING, swearing

Word count: 2.2k

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

They haven’t kissed since that fateful day.

Not once.

Wally hasn’t said a word about it, hasn’t pushed, hasn’t even so much as hinted that he wants more. But she knows. She feels it in the way his eyes linger a second too long, in the way his fingers twitch when they brush against hers. And the worst part?

She craves him just as much.

But every time she inches closer, something stops her. A nagging, relentless whisper in the back of her mind.

If Xavier hadn’t told her the truth, would Wally ever have shared it? Or would he have let the secret fester for decades to come?

No. He wouldn’t…Would he?

She watches him from across the field, chewing on her bottom lip. He’s been nothing but supportive since the first moment of her afterlife. He’s guided her, made her laugh when all she wanted to do was break. He’s done everything right…except that one thing.

And her heart, foolish and desperate, makes excuses for him a thousand times a day. But her mind? Her mind won’t let it go.

If he could hide something so big from her, would it be wise to put down her armor entirely?

Before she can slip too deep into her thoughts, Wally catches her staring.

He smirks.

Winking at her, Wally runs toward her. His smile is infectious, his hands possessively clinging to her hips as he towers over her, like he’s done it a thousand times before.

“You’ve been staring,” he teases, tilting his head. “Like what you see?”

She rolls her eyes but can’t fight the grin tugging at her lips. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hums. “What’s there not to like?”

His gaze darkens, his lips curving into something far too smug. “I could say the same.”

Heat floods her cheeks, and she can’t help but wonder how is it possible to blush. How is it that her dead heart feels almost alive whenever he compliments her? What is it about him that makes it so hard to resist him?

It’s infuriating.

It’s intoxicating.

She’s tried so hard to set boundaries, to leave the kiss behind them and work on getting through their scars, but no matter how insistent her brain is on moving on, her heart fights to stay.

If Wally isn’t with her, what’s the point of moving on?

Could she ever truly move on without him?

“Stop tempting me, jock!”

She’s admitted to herself she’s fallen for him. For the first time in her existence, Y/N feels what love is. She can’t possibly abandon Wally now.

Chuckling, he shrugs. “I can’t help how hot I am!”

“Oh my God!” She hides her face against him, but she’s smiling and she knows he can feel it. His laughter vibrates against her skin, warm and familiar, filling the hollow spaces inside her. She could stay curious about passing on, but she could never forgo the way his laugh makes her feel.

Pulling away, just enough to look up at him through her lashes, Y/N stands on her tiptoes. Her lips brush his jaw – a whisper of a touch, yet it’s enough to render Wally speechless. Tilting his head, his lips capture hers instantly. Wasting no time, he pulls her into him, breathing her in as their kiss deepens.

A gasp slips past her as he pulls her flush against him, his fingers pressing into the small of her back. He kisses her like he’s making up for lost time, like he’s afraid this moment will slip through his fingers.

She lets him.

She lets herself.

The sharp, loud sound of a whistle startles them apart. Wally groans as he watches a group of football players flooding the field, ruining their moment.

“I don’t think I’ve ever hated football as much as I do right now.”

She smirks. “Not even when you died?”

Wally pretends to consider it. “Nope. This is worse.”

Laughing, she presses a quick kiss to his lips. “Guess it’s a good thing we have a forever to do this then.”

His expression softens, and he keeps his arm around her as they leave the field.. It felt good, really good to kiss Wally again.

It’s been almost a month since the last time they kissed, mostly because she spent the entire time trying to understand everything Wally filled her in on. Moving on. The scars. Practicing moving objects…it was a lot.

And Maddie.

Perhaps that was the most difficult one to hear.

“She had a chance to go back to her life and as much as I wished she’d stay, I couldn’t be so selfish with her. I gave her the push she needed and watched her come back to life. She couldn’t see me anymore, but I know she knew I’d be with her until her last day in this school.”

“Do you miss her?” She asked.

“I did. It’s been years, I’ve learned to let it go. To let her go.”

“I’m sorry,” she takes his hand in hers, their fingers intertwining. “You’ve been alone...just as I have. You’ll never be alone again.”

Wally stills, turning to her. “Promise?”

“I promise.”

“What is it like?” Y/N hesitantly asks. “Going into your scar?”

His face darkens. “It’s a hellish version of your own death, twisted with fears and anxieties you can’t escape. It’s…traumatizing…Painful.”

Swallowing hard, she continues. “Is that why you never made it through yourself?”

“Yes.” His voice is almost too quiet. “Everyone else eventually faced their fears. I tried,” he pauses. “I guess I’m too much of a coward to face mine.”

Cupping his cheek, she shakes her head lightly. “You’re not a coward, Wally. You’re human.”

He lets out a dry laugh. “Not anymore.”

 “You know what I mean.” She takes a deep breath, “It’s perfectly normal and…I understand why. I’m scared of even trying.”

“You want to?” He swallows thickly. “To try?”

“I think so.”

“Oh,” his eyebrows furrow. He shifts uncomfortably. “If that’s the case, I know what your key is.”

“My stethoscope,” she whispers.

His eyes widen. “How did you –“

“I saw it in your locker,” she admits. “I assumed you were keeping it there for me…For when I was ready to try and face it.”

He nods slowly. “Can I say something selfish?”

She arches a brow, silently telling him to continue.

“I’m scared,” he confesses, voice barely above a whisper. “That you’ll go into your scar and I’ll never see you again.”

A lump forms at the back of her throat. Ever since that night where she thought she lost him, it’s been a constant worry. “Me too.”

“Yeah?”

Nodding, she allows him to pull her closer, into his lap. “I don’t want to leave you. If anything ever happens of the sort, know it wasn’t my intention. I’d never –“

“Same,” he cuts in, his voice thick with emotion. “I’d never leave you if I have any choice in it.”

“But we’re going to have to try.” Her voice cracks, and she leans her forehead against his. “All we can do is promise each other to tough it out and move on together…Because I refuse to believe we won’t find each other in the afterlife.”

His nose brushes against hers, his lips quivering. She can tell he’s holding back tears.

“Maybe not today,” she whispers.

“Or tomorrow,” he adds, hopeful.

A weak chuckle escapes her, and he can’t help but smile.

“Not yet,” she agrees, refusing to set a date. They need more time together and if this is all they have, she can’t waste a single moment.

“Let’s have a date,” she blurts out.

His entire face lights up. “God, yes! A date sounds perfect!”

Laughing the tension away, she captures his lips again. There’s nothing better than the heaven she tastes upon his kiss.

Y/N isn’t sure what she expected when she walked down the hallway toward their meeting spot, but it sure as hell wasn’tthis.

Wally stands at the end of the hall, next to the staircase, waiting for her, looking like he just stepped out of a vintage romance film. A black suit clings to his lean frame, fitted to perfection, the crisp white shirt underneath stark against his dark hair. And his hair, oh God, his hair, usually a tousled mess, has been styled to perfection and all she can think about is how she’s going to run her fingers though it and make it a mess once more.

He’s holding a bouquet of wildflowers, a mess of soft blues and whites, petals trembling slightly from how tightly he grips the stems.

And then there’s his face.

He’s staring at her like she’s a dream he’s scared to wake up from. No one’s ever looked at her the way he does.

Y/N steps closer slowly, the hem of her gown skimming the floor. It’s ridiculous, getting dressed up when they’re both, dead, but when she had suggested a real date, one where they actually tried, neither could say no. So she scoured the school’s forgotten wardrobes and found a dress that made her feel like someone worth being adored. Midnight blue, flowing like water, hugging in all the right places. The way Wally’s jaw clenches tells her she made the right choice.

She stops in front of him, arching a brow. “You clean up nice.”

Wally exhales sharply, like he’s only just remembered how to breathe. “Holy shit.”

Her lips twitch. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“You should,” he breathes. Then, shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts, he thrusts the bouquet toward her. “These are for you.”

She takes them gently, brushing her fingers over the petals. “Where did you even find these?”

“I may or may not have haunted the school greenhouse.” He shrugs, flashing her that boyish grin. “The gardening club doesn’t seem to mind when their plants go missing.”

She smirks. He went through the effort of making sure they won’t reset. “And here I thought ghosts weren’t supposed to steal.”

“This one does. You know, for the most beautiful girl in Split River High.”

Her breath catches.

Damn him.

He knows exactly what he’s doing.

Before she can come up with a witty retort, Wally shifts, suddenly unfastening the thin chain around his neck. He holds it out to her, a simple silver chain with a small, worn-out football charm dangling at the center.

Her brows knit together. “Wally?”

“If I lose you,” he says softly, slipping the necklace around her throat, “at least I know you’ll have this. A part of me, with you forever.”

She exhales, brushing her fingers over the charm.

“God, you’re such a movie cliché.”

Wally grins, though it’s weaker than usual, like he’s hoping she can see just how much this means to him. “Yeah, but I got you to fall for me, didn’t I?”

She huffs a laugh, shaking her head. “You do realize confessions like that are usually reserved for the end of a date, not the beginning.”

Wally smirks. “So you’re confessing you did fall for me?”

She tilts her head, considering. Then, just when he expects her to dodge the question, she steps closer, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

His breath stutters.

For a moment, he’s completely still, as if his brain is short-circuiting.

Then—

“Holy shit.”

A laugh bursts out of her, full and warm, and it sends something electric through his veins.

Recovering quickly, Wally grabs her waist, pulling her closer. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been in love with you?”

She raises a brow. “Hmm, a week? Two?”

He groans. “Since the first moment I laid eyes on you.”

She stills.

“That’s why I was so distracted at first,” he admits, his thumb tracing absent circles over her waist. “I, God, I thought you were just… stunning. Like, so stupidly out of my league that I couldn’t even function properly.”

She snorts. “You mean you were too busy drooling to realize I was a ghost like you?”

“Exactly.” He grins. “And honestly? I never thought I’d have a chance.”

She pretends to think. “And yet, here we are. Mission accomplished.”

His grin widens. “Damn right.”

She laces their fingers together, her touch featherlight. “Come on. We have a date to start.”

He hums, eyes twinkling. “If I keep making you laugh like this, do I get a reward later?”

She leans in, her breath fanning against his ear. “Keep it up and you might just get an invitation for a midnight swim.”

Wally’s grip on her tightens. “You’re kidding.”

She smirks, adding. “And I don’t own a swimming suit.”

“You’re not kidding.”

“Nope.”

He lets out a dramatic groan. “This might actually kill me.”

She just laughs, tugging him forward. “Come on, lover boy. Let’s see if your cooking skills are as good as your flirting.”

PART 7

[skyfallslayer]

The Daughter of The (Dare)Devil - Story 11

|| Matt Murdock x Daughter!OC ||

Series Masterlist || Hiatus Recap

(Please Reread recap if needed)

Summary: Trying to rebuild the many crumbling things in her life, Kaila must keep things civil between her father and his old acquaintances. But during the trial of Castle v State, this might be proven more difficult than ever. (Set During S2E06 - E08, “Regrets Only”, “Semper Fidelis” and “Guilty as Sin��.)

Date: 4/2/25

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 19,514 (My Treat To You Guys)

Warning: The Murdocks Are Stubborn People; Frank's PTSD; Heavy Angst; Heavy Language; Allusions To Mental Illness; Bullet Wounds/Recovery; Implied Child Abuse; Talks of Mental Abuse; Talks of Violence; Talks of Death/Murder; Implied Abandonment Issues; The Murdocks Could Use All The Hugs In The World; Matt Being Overprotective (He Needs A Warning, I think?); Past Toxic Relationship(s); Elektra Could Use A Warning Herself; Suggestive 18+ Themes; Foggy & Karen Being MVPs again. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!

- Let me know if I missed anything, please.

A/N: AND I COME BACK FROM THE ASHES!!! And yes, we're going to ignore the fact that I've had writers block on this story for a long time (amongst other issues, personal and computer). I bet this will be your reaction:

Like the DM I answered the other day, I just had surgery done and is on bed rest for a while, so I have no excuse to ignore my older stories anymore -- Not like I wanted to "abandon" this one. I am DETERMINED to finish this up. And thanks to DD:BA, this has really lit the fire back in me to start writing for DD again. Thank you, THANK YOU for your patience, and hopefully this was worth the wait ���.

Also, on a side note, I decided to update all the aesthetic boards for all the stories. In my opinion, they look SO much better than what I had before. So, feel free to check them out, too. - 'Nother side note, we're getting Dad!Punisher in this because Frank deserves all the love in the world in this fic (and it'll be important later on).

The door swung open and two teenagers stepped inside. The young Murdock trailed behind her guest as she locked the door, watching him take the place in. Her emotions were mixed, and it was brewing in her stomach of nervousness. I mean how long has she been home now? Over a week? Almost a fortnight?

I don’t even know. She swallows. “Uh, d-do you want anything to drink? Or…”

“Oh, uh, n-no. No thanks. Uh…” He chuckles in amusement. “No offense, but when I think of lawyers, I think they have big fancy apartments.” He said, looking back at her.

She smirked, amused too. “Well, when you have your own business it can be a little hard. Especially when they specialize in, uh… ‘charity cases’.”

“Well, I guess as long as you stay true to your own values, it doesn’t matter where you live.”

“True.” Kaila leans against her crutch, watching him walk around the living room. “Although, for Hell’s Kitchen, it was pretty cheap.”

Jayden raises an eyebrow. “How’d you manage that?” And from there, her grin grew on cue just as the infamous billboard flipped on to blind them both. He cussed out of surprise, making her laugh. “Okay. Now, I see.” He said, while covering the side of his face from the light. “I know it’s cheap, but how did your Dad think this was a good idea?” 

“Well, my Dad is blind.”

He blinks. “Your Dad’s blind?” She nods. “Oh… sorry, I didn’t know.”

Kai shrugs. “It’s fine, seriously. We don’t take it personally.” She smiles and looks around, memories flooding in. “I grew up in this place, so it doesn’t really bother me. I just tend to pay no heed to the flashing lights at night.”

“Well, you have a lot more willpower than I do. This would drive me crazy.”

The two of them laughed before being enslaved with silence. A very awkward silence. The Murdock was the first to break eye contact, looking at the corner of the room, racking her brain for things she could say. Like… ‘Sorry I got kidnapped? I know it’s making this awkward’? Eh… maybe not that. What can she say that won’t sound so strange?

He clears his throat, pulling her from her thoughts. “So, uh…” Jayden fiddles with his hands, finally taking her full appearance in. “Did uh… did y-you get hurt?”

Kaila meets his gaze before looking down at her healing leg. “Y-Yeah.” She says, frowning. “Uh, the guy who took me, uh, hurt me after I got a little lippy.”

“Ah. I-I see. Um…” He looks and sounds so uncomfortable being here, and he knows it. “I uh, got your messages–”

“Jayden.” She begins, looking a bit guilty. “I’m so sorry about all those. I know they were quite excessive of me. I… I should have just texted once and been done.”

He shakes his head. “Look, Kaila, you have every right to do what you did. I should be the one apologizing.”

“You don’t have to.” 

“I do.” He pushes, remorsefully. “Look, The whole… kidnapping thing I– I was worried shitless out of mind. Everyone at work was too. And when we heard that you were safe, it was a huge amount of relief for us. We all tried to visit you in the hospital, but you know, it’s–”

“Family only?” She says, getting him to nod.

“Yeah. So when I texted you after hearing you were discharged, you just…” He sighs, his stiff form falling. “You just sounded like… that what just happened to you was a typical Friday. Even our Boss, when you told him you were taking medical leave, said you sounded like it didn’t happen at all.” He shifts on his feet. “I guess I just didn’t know how to respond myself or what to say. I mean, for all I know, you could have just been still processing what just happened. So for that, I’m really, really sorry. I’ve been a shitty friend.”

She suddenly recalls back to the conversation yesterday with her dad -- Everything finally making sense.

.

.

“He’s also probably taken back by how you responded. To him, you might have sounded… too okay with a text. It might have been different if you two would have talked on the phone or face-to face.”

.

.

Ah. So my Dad was right. I did sound too okay. Man, she really wants to slap herself silly right now.

“I… I appreciate the apology, but I don’t think it’s really needed.” Kaila says, raising her hand to stop him from saying something. “Let me finish. I should have been better about expressing myself. It’s a cross I have to bear. I’ve always been terrible at it.”

He frowns, worriedly. “Kaila.”

“It’s okay.” She shrugs again. “Seriously. I mean… I am… getting better, but I’ve been having nightmares about it. I still… have other bad things in my past that are mixing up with this new one and it’s started to take a toll.” 

Sometimes, when she closes her eyes, she’s back at the warehouse with Wesley. Sometimes, she still imagines Fisk at the end of her bed, taunting her for her defensive kill. Sometimes, she still thinks she’s going to wake up and her family is going to pay the price for her sin.

It makes the everlasting knot in her stomach tighten even more.

Her expression deepens as she finishes, “And I’m trying to be strong for everyone else, but I think I’m just fooling myself at this point. I don’t know if I’ll ever be a hundred percent again.”

“That’s the thing, Kaila, No one’s expecting you to be.” Jayden replies, truthfully. “Especially after that. Hell freaking no.”

She chuckles bleakly. “That’s the thing… I… I want to be. But I know I can’t.”

He copies her, messing with his hands again. “No wonder we hit it off, you sound like me.”

She tilts her head. “Do I?”

“Yeah. Um… I told you about my parents, right?” He asks, and she nods. “Well, It was kind of an arranged marriage between them. Dad needed something from her family and it kind of just happened. Uh, he wasn’t a good person, and he wasn’t physically abusive, but–” He shook his head at the memory. “Man, he knew how to get in your head.”

“I’m surprised she actually got out of that. You told me they split, right?”

“Yeah, they did, and I’m actually surprised she did too. But, uh, my point being is, he used to use my Mom’s… flaws against her, and against me. He knew by poking around it would mess me up.”

“That’s…” Kaila scoffs in disbelief. “That’s really disturbing.”

“Yeah. It is.” Jayden agrees. “And just like you, I tried to be okay after they split, you know, be the man of the house, but… I-I knew I wouldn’t, I couldn’t be. I… I knew well enough that I couldn’t be a hundred percent. For anyone or myself. No amount of any kind of healing method can fill me back up.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah. I have to be.” His frown deepens. “And… I find talking about it does help. I’m not saying you have to specifically tell me anything, but from my experience, it is nice to talk about it with someone. Even if you don’t tell them the whole thing, just a little bit helps in the long run.” He averts his gaze. “Sorry if that was a bit of a downer…”

“No, no. I–” She smiles a little. “I think I needed to hear that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I think I do need to talk to someone about my troubles.” She hugs herself, thinking. “Maybe… maybe I should start going to church like my Dad.”

He cracks a smile, too. “That’s one way to start.”

“Yep.” She feels a bit of weight get taken off her shoulders. “Thanks for saying all that. I know it was probably hard talking about your Dad.”

He waves her off. “Don’t mention it. It’s the least I do for ghosting you, you know?”

She laughs. “Seriously, man, don’t worry about it. We’re still friends, right?”

And that’s when his face fell completely and his body subtly got stiff again. He looked like he was a kicked puppy; Those olive eyes holding an emotion she couldn’t quite pinpoint.

He grips his hands together, nervously. “That’s the thing, I… I think that’s going to be a little difficult.”

Her heart sank as she gave him a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Listen, Kaila. There’s another reason why I was being distant. Probably the real reason.”

Okay, now he’s scaring her (Why can’t she have any nice things?!). “And what’s that?”

“I…” He takes a deep breath as he stands right in front of her. “My name is–” He was suddenly cut off by loud knocking, startling them both. They both stay quiet for a second, puzzled (Nervous?).

“Did you bring anyone else along?” Kaila asked, turning her attention away from the door and back to him. 

“No.” Jayden shakes his head, and locks eyes with her. “You expecting someone?”

“No. And everyone I do know has a key to this place.” Who the heck could be at her door now? But she felt herself grow a bit pale at the possibility of someone else trying to snatch her up again. No… not again. That can’t be possible… right?

Jayden must have seen her face, and went into defensive mode. “I’ll check. Just stay put.” He said, and walked away.

That got her to snap out of it. “Jayden–”

“Relax. I’ll get it.” He ignores her calling his name on repeat, and focuses on the next round of knocking. Carefully, he opens the door slowly to find a woman about eye level with him, sun kissed skin and dashing dark eyes. He almost seemed mysteriously captivated by her appearance; he almost forgot why he opened the door in the first place. “Uh, hello–”

“Hello, young man.” She greeted with an (un)settling smile. “Is the young lady home?” 

He blinks to get out from under her ‘spell’. “Uh, who–?”

“Who’s at the door?” Kaila asked, finally managing to wobble herself over, only to immediately freeze up when seeing who it was.

“Hello.” Elektra said, chippy. 

“Kaila, who’s this?” Jayden asked, looking between the two. The young girl tries to say something, but is quickly cut off.

“I’m her mother.” 

“Mother?” He said, confused. “I thought you told me your mother left you when you were a baby?”

“I did. But we just decided to rekindle. Anywho–” She brushes her way in, pushing and swapping places with him. “Goodbye.” She shuts the door in his face, and turns her attention to the girl who’s backing away. “Hello, little one. Let’s chat.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Foggy nodded in the open air like his girlfriend could magically see it. He hums into his phone, patiently waiting for the coffee machine to fill up his cup. “Yes – Yes – Yes, I’m sorry, Marci. – Yeah. Yeah. Well I got a few things to finish.” He raises an eyebrow at her reply. “Then why are you complaining? You’re stuck at work, too.”

He chuckles, and smiles. “Yes – I’ll make it up to you, I promise – I promise. I will.” He smiles and grabs his cup, taking a minute to let it cool before drinking. “Yes, I will – I will, don’t worry – Awe. Love you, too – Goodnight.”

Oh, Marci. He tells himself, wandering back to his desk. He decided after dropping Kaila off he would go to the office to put together some stuff for the Castle case, which he still wasn’t a hundred percent on board with representing him -- Despite him, you know, saving his Niece. But it was two against one in this law firm and he was the odd man out.

I just don’t want us to get too screwed in this. Especially with freaking Reyes on our asses. But before Foggy could even begin sorting through the paperwork, oddly enough at this late hour, the phone rang.

Shooting straight up in surprise, and double checking what the actual time is on his watch, a million things went through his mind. Who could be calling an attorney at this time at night? 

Getting up from his desk and heading over to Karen’s reception area, he picks it up. “Nelson & Murdock Attorney Firm, Foggy Nelson speaking.” 

‘Huh. So I did call the right place.’

That’s not what I was expecting. And is that a kid? Foggy raises an eyebrow and skeptically asks, “Who is this?” He swears this better not be a prank call. He is not in the mood for one of those tonight.

‘Mr. Nelson, I’m only calling because I don’t have anybody’s personal number. I’m calling because I’m concerned about Kaila.’

“Kaila?” His heart skips a beat. He remembers the last call he got when it was about Kaila -- And it was Brett telling him she was taken away. Oh god, not again, please. 

But he swallows his worries and stays level headed. “Wait… who is this?”

‘I’m Jayden. I’m a friend from work.’

His eyes widened slightly, remembering the name now. Oh, this is THE Jayden! Okay now. But what is he–

‘I was visiting her since I haven’t seen her in a bit. Anyway, as I was leaving a woman was at the door.’

A woman? Karen? He scolds himself. No… wait. Karen is on a date with Matt. So that leaves her out of– 

‘She claimed to be her mother–’ 

His brain short circuited. Wait… what?!

No. That can’t be right. That shouldn’t be right. After fifteen long years Mary decides to crawl out of the rock she’s been hiding under and visits?!

That very thought made his blood boil. Why, that fucking bi–

‘But I remember Kaila telling me that her mother left her when she was young and hasn’t been seen since. The woman told me they recently had rekindled but, I don’t know… something doesn’t feel right. And Kaila looked a little uncomfortable. So–’

“A woman?” Foggy’s heart was in his throat as he nervously held onto the phone cord. “What did she look like?” He swears if he says blue eyes and reddish-brown hair he’s going to–

‘Tall, dark hair and eyes. Had an accent–’

His heart skipped another. Oh, no…

‘I was hoping you would know what’s going on, or maybe you can pass the message onto her dad? Or maybe you know what’s going. Like I said, it just seems a bit weird to me.’

‘Cause it fucking is! But he has to stay calm now. He doesn’t know all the details, he can’t jump straight to panic yet. “Shit… uh, thank you. I will call her Dad, um–” 

Keep it together, Foggy! He mentally slaps himself straight. “W-What was your name again?”

‘It’s Jayden, sir.’

“Well, Jayden, thank you. I’ll take care of it.” Foggy hangs up, maybe a little more forceful than he wanted to be. “Fuck.” He starts frantically grabbing all his belongings as he starts calling up his friend’s number. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

Matt was lazily playing with a strain of her golden hair, while Karen was softly tracing one of his fading scars across his chest. They both couldn’t keep the smiles off their flushed faces.

“You know…” She begins after a while of comforting silence. “I can finally understand the tales of College Playboy Matt Murdock.”

“Oh, yeah?” His grin grows at her cheekiness.

“Mmm, hmm.”

“Well… is that a good thing, Miss Page?”

“It is a very good thing.” She replies, leaning now on his chest.

“Well that’s good.” He brushes her cheek. “I’m glad I can live up to the stories.”

“I’m glad, too.” They lean in for a quick kiss before melting back into his arms. “Can I ask you something? And it’s a bit silly.”

“What is it?” 

She hums, and looks up at him. “When did you… you know, start liking me?”

His eye brows shoot up. “Liking you?”

“Yeah.”

“Hmm… yesterday.”

She blinks. “Yesterday.”

“Yep.” He nods. “Definitely yesterday.”

She scoffs playfully. “Yesterday?”

“Oh, yeah.” He hums loudly. “I just… thought I’d kiss you and see if it felt right, you know?”

“Oh, my, god–” Karen shakes her head and picks up a pillow. “You suck!” She laughs, and lightly smacks him with it.

He laughs too. “Ow… you’re hitting a poor defenseless blind man, Miss Page.”

“Defenseless, my ass, Mr. Murdock.” She chuckles, setting her pillow aside.

“I’m kidding.” Matt says, still grinning. “If I’m being honest, I think pretty early on. I think it especially started when you didn’t judge me over the whole thing with how Kai was brought into my life.”

She looks at him all confused. “People judged you on that?”

“Some did.” He shrugs. “But you, you took all the, for the lack of better words, ‘messiness’ in my life and you handled it pretty well. I think what really made me realize I like you is by what you said the other night. Is that you ‘Loved my daughter’. No one I tried having relationships with in the past has ever come close to that.”

“But who couldn’t love your daughter anyway?” Karen asked, truthfully. “She’s a lot like you, you know?”

“Oh, I know.” He nods. “Still can’t decide if that’s going to be a good thing in the long run.” 

“Relax. At the rate she’s going in life, she’s going to be fine. Maybe she’ll be a lawyer? This can be the start of a generational tradition.”

“That’s something I can get behind.” He smiles. “What about you? When did you start liking me?”

“Hmm… yesterday.” She replies, making them both laugh again. “Sorry, I had to.”

“So when was it?”

“It’s…” She groans nervously, her face falling onto his chest for a split second. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“Well, when was it?”

“Um…”

“Was it when you thought I was in that car accident and you came for a visit?”

“No.”

“Was it… when my fly was accidentally down that one time?”

She snorts. “What? No.”

“Well, spill it. When was it?”

“I–” She sighs into her hands. “I kind of like you right off the bat.”

“What?” He said, over exaggerated. “Right off the bat?”

“I know…” She mutters, hiding her face.

“So, right as me and Foggy walked into the holding cell, you fell for me.”

“Okay, well maybe a little bit after that. But yeah.”

“Wow.”

“I… I thought you were cute.” She says, propping herself back up.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. And…” Her fondness grows. “After I found out that you were Daredevil, that whole situation where you saved me in my apartment really added fuel to the flames. It made me realize how much you’ve done for me, in and out of that mask.”

“I’ll be honest, I’m actually surprised by your answer.” Matt says, honestly. “I really thought it was when we were playing pool at Josie’s a while ago.”

“Oh, my god!” She gasps, her face turning red as she sits up. “Oh, my god.”

“What?” He replies, worriedly.

“I just realized you could hear my heartbeat the whole time. Oh, lord…” Her face grows two shades darker. “My heart was pounding like crazy when I was teaching you how to play.”

“Karen–” He calls her name as he sits up too.

“And I was practically in your face. Oh, my god…”

“Karen–” He says, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Don’t be embarrassed.”

“Oh, how can I not, Matt!” She says, covering her face. “I want to die right now…”

“Awe, well don’t do that.” He starts kissing her neck. “Who’s going to cuddle with me?”

“Matt! Stop!” She laughs, hitting a sensitive spot.

“Gotcha!” He pulls her back making her yelp, before they start making out again. But their loving moment was cut off when his phone started to ring.

.

[ Foggy ]

[ Foggy ]

[ Foggy ]

.

“Foggy?” Karen said, surprised.

Matt shifts around to where his phone was laying, confused. “That’s weird. He knows we’re on a date.”

“Well, answer it, maybe it’s important.”

“‘Kay.” He does, holding the phone up to his ear. “Hey, Foggy, what’s going on?”

‘I’m sorry, I know you’re on your date with Karen, but you need to get home now!’

Matt doesn’t like the urgency in his tone and sits up straighter. “Why? What’s going on?”

‘Elektra! That’s what’s going on! Apparently Kai’s friend came to talk to her and when he was leaving Elektra was at the door. He called the office because he thought something wasn’t right.’

He felt his stomach tied in knots. “Fuck.” This is seriously happening right now? “Y-You said she’s at home?”

‘Yeah. She is.’

“Shit, shit. I’ll be right there.” He quickly hangs up, gritting his teeth.

“What’s wrong?” Karen asks, worriedly. 

“Elektra.” He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her name. “She showed up to my house. And Kai’s home alone.”

She didn’t need to hear any more. “I’ll drive you.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

For once in my life, I would like one normal night, please. The young Murdock kept her cool as she watched her unexpected guest walk around her house, looking around the place like it was a museum full of artwork (Maybe to her it really was).

Elektra hums and picks something off one of the open shelves, a picture frame was now in her grasp. “Huh. I can’t believe I missed this.” She looks her way. “Your doing?”

Kaila clenched her jaw, subtly. “My Dad’s actually. Wanted to fill the space up a bit.”

“Well that’s strange.” She sets it down. “The man can’t even see it.”

“Well, he wanted to make the space feel ‘livable’ since, you know–” Kai waves a hand over her own face. “I can see.”

“Hmm. That kind of sounds like him.” Elektra says, and starts walking around again.

This lady… Kaila thought, keeping her guard up while maintaining a straight face. “You know I could call the police. This is technically trespassing.” 

“Oh, you sound like your Father.” Elektra cooed, all amused. “Are you studying to be a lawyer too?”

“What do you want?”

“Straight to the point.” The woman’s eyes lit up. “You are just like Matthew.”

The teenager so desperately wanted to roll her eyes right then. “Look, if you’re just here to compare me to my Dad, then you’re going to be here all night. Which I rather you not.”

“So sassy. You got his sharp tongue too.”

“For fuck sakes, lady. What do you want? And if you’re here to wait for my Dad, then you’re shit out of luck. He’s out and about, and probably won’t be back till morning. So…” She gestures to the door. “Get the hell out before I call the police.”

Seriously, one night without any drama would be nice. And wait until her dad hears about this, ‘cause there is NO way she’s leaving this interaction a secret.

“How old are you?” Elektra asked, when she was about a foot away.

Kaila quirks one of her brows up. “Are you just here to play twenty questions with me?” She asks back, skeptical. 

“If that’s what I must do, then yes.”

“Just me?” The teenager confirms and gets a nod. Well if this is what it takes for her to leave, then so be it. “What’s your question?”

“How old are you?”

“Fifteen.”

She seemed taken back by that. “Fifteen?”

“Yep.” Kaila says, watching her face fall a bit.

“So…” Elektra stops to think. “Matthew was in college?”

“About the end of it, yeah.”

“Who’s your mother?”

“Some woman named Mary.”

“Girlfriend?”

“Fling-ish.” Kaila crosses her arms. “Choose wisely, Lady. You have sixteen questions left.”

“Is she still around?” The adult asked.

“No.” Kai slowly smirks after picking up her tone. “You sound kind of jealous. Is this what this interrogation is all about?”

Elektra scoffs and crosses her arms too. “You seem hostile towards me.”

“Well, you did try to kill me.”

“I thought you were an intruder.”

“Kind of like you are right now.”

“Touché.” Elektra hums, and adverts her gaze to look around the room some more.

Kaila exhales through her nose, frowning. “Alright, listen. Elektra, right?”

“Yes.”

“Just cut to the chase. Why are you here? ‘Cause I’m starting to think you came here just to see me and not my Dad after all.”

“Well, you’re right on the money.” She says, with a grin.

“Okay…” The Murdock shrugs. “Spill it then. What do you want with me?”

Elektra stays quiet for a moment, like she was gathering her thoughts up first. “You know your Father and I used to date.” 

“Yeah.” She shrugs again. “He’s told me.”

“So he’s told you all about our little adventures and–”

“Look, if you’re here just to score brownie points with me in an attempt to get back together with him, there’s no chance. He’s told me enough about you, and that he’s been over you for a long time.” Kaila straightens up. “I also know about the whole thing where you tried to get him to be your lawyer to help get your Father’s company back, and how you made a large deposit to the law firm. I know all about it. So, save your breath.”

“Well…” Elektra takes a step forward. “Did you know your Father had a bit of a… ‘bad’ side to him when we dated?”

Kaila rolls her coco eyes now. “If you’re talking about the bit of darkness that’s in him, I’ve seen it. Plenty of times actually. And if you’re saying that to scare me, it’s not going to work either.”

“Wow, he tells you alot.” She tilts her head, perplexed by the teen. “None of this scares you?”

“Lady, please, I have a bit of that in me too.” Then Kai finds herself laughing quietly. “Oh, god– this is insane. Ridiculous!” She points to the exit again. “You’re not scaring me. Get out.”

Elektra smacks her lips, hands coming together. “Did he tell you I found the man who killed his Father?” And that was the first thing that actually caught the young girl off guard tonight, and it must have shown. “So he hasn’t?”

Kaila shakes her head, confused. “Wait. You’re telling me that you’re the one who found out who killed my Grandpa?”

“Roscoe Sweeney.” The adult begins and starts walking around again, this time at a slower pace. “A mobster. A corrupted boxer promoter. He loved to use blackmail on the fighter’s under his thumb. And that includes Battlin’ Jack Murdock.”

“Yeah.” The teenager says, keeping her gaze on her as she walks. “He won the fight against Creel instead of losing, and got killed over it. I know that part.” She frowns. “So you told my Dad it was this Sweeney guy?”

“Oh, I didn’t just tell him, sweetheart.” Elektra’s expression grows more. “I brought him to Matthew.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, yes. I… got a couple hits in.” She sighs blissfully as she begins circling around. “Matthew did too. And he was… oh, so close to finishing him off. I mean–” She chuckles. “I encouraged him to. I even presented a knife to do the job, and–”

“Let me guess, my Dad didn’t kill him? And I’m going to put my bottom dollar on the idea that that’s where you broke it off?” Kaila gets no reply, confirming her theory. “So I’m right on the dot, huh?” She shifts her weight around to fully look at her. “I’m never going to be afraid of my Dad, if that’s what you’re trying to do.”

Elektra looks nervous. “Listen–”

“No, it’s time for you to listen.” Kai pushes and narrows her gaze. “I know my Dad, probably not the whole hundred percent, but I do know him enough. And yeah, there are times that he’s scared me, but not in the ways you’re thinking. That part of him, that little bit of darkness, is never going to change. I accepted that.”

Yeah, it did take a while to accept. This past year and some have been such a roller coaster between her and her father, and she’s learned to finally accept the bad that’s come with the good. No matter what happens, he has been and will always be the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

The girl continues, “But you also need to understand that my Dad has worked his ass off for as long as I can remember. He’s not perfect, but the fact that a… blind man in his 20s suddenly had a baby dropped into his lap, and he still somehow made life work, which should tell you everything about him.”

He told her the story of how she came to be, and it amazes her so many times how he handled the situation. He could have easily given her up in his hard living times, but he didn’t. He made sure he did every in his power to give her the life that he never had growing up.

“Sure, it was rough a few times; Sure, he took a few odd jobs for a few months to make some extra cash; Sure, there were times he had no clue if he was doing something right in raising me, but he did it.” Kaila continues proudly. “He made a life for himself, started his own career, turned people around him into his family, he even had the chance to start changing the city for the best. And if you’re just…”

She scoffs. “Stuck with an image of what you two had. And from what I’m gathering you didn’t sit back and see the rest of him; You just saw what you wanted and that’s it. That’s not on him or anyone else. That’s on you, Lady. Deal with it.”

She might as well be playing with fire at this point, especially all the strength and/or stupidness she had for snapping at this woman; But she’s so hung up on her dad, so desperate to paint him a different way, that if the roles were reversed right now, her father would be saying the same thing.

And I’m not letting anybody bad mouth my dad anymore. The teenager held her breath, realizing how quiet everything had just gotten. Maybe I just–

With a swift kick, her crutches were knocked to the side making her immediately clinging onto the back of the couch; Her injured leg reacting to the sudden pressure. She bites her lip and meets the other woman’s intense gaze -- like the hunter had finally stopped playing with its kill.

Elektra bares her teeth. “You–”

“You need to stay away from my Dad.” Kaila snaps, stinging eyes full of anger. “You need to stay away from him, and you need to stay away from everything he’s worked for. His job, his acquaintances, his friends. Everything. And if you really need legal help, go across the street to Landman & Zack’s, I’m sure they’ll be happy to help you.”

“You have no authority.” 

“Sure hell I do. My Dad has been the happiest he’s been in a long time, and I will not let you ruin it for him. So Stay. The Fuck. Away From Him.”

Before a bigger outlash of some sort could happen, the front door was slammed wide open, causing the whole place to shake. 

“Kai!” Matt shouts, as he runs in at top speed.

“Dad?” Kaila says, surprised. 

“Matthew–” Elektra says, before getting aggressively pinned against the wall by him.

“What the hell are you doing here?!” He hissed, as Foggy and Karen surrounded the teenager protectively. 

“Matthew–”

“Answer my question!”

“Just thought I would stop by.” She says, eyes avoiding his face to the others. “Is that Franklin? Finally cut that hair of yours.”

Matt shifts his elbow higher and just underneath her jaw, grabbing her attention again. “Talk.”

Her lips fold out into a straight line. “I told you I needed help, no?”

“You told me over the phone it was over.”

“I lied.”

“Yeah, no shit.” He snaps, irritated. “You’ve been lying since you showed up yesterday. And that ends now. I want to know what you’re doing back here in the city, and why the hell you’re in my house with my daughter?”

She rolls her eyes. “I don’t need a lawyer, Matthew. I just need some help from your other job.”

He quickly freezes before tightening that grip. “How the fuck do you know about that?”

“Oh, please. I know who you are because I watch the news. ‘The successful apprehension of Wilson Fisk’.”

“I wear a mask.”

“Well, you can’t mask that ass. I’d know it anywhere.” Elektra grins like it was the best news she saw. “You’ve been working out, by the way. I appreciate that.”

He pushes more. “Who are you actually fighting?”

“The Yakuza.”

“The Yakuza?” Is she being serious? “The Yakuza are a powerful organization with powerful enemies.” Matt gets a hum for a reply. “What do they want with you?”

“I guess I have a way of pissing people off sometimes.”

“Yeah, I agree.”

“Come on. Don’t be angry, Matthew.” She tells him in that sweet, seductive voice she tends to use to get her way. “I told you. My money’s planted deeply inside investments with the Roxxon Corporation. And Roxxon has ties to crime.”

“How long have you known that?”

“I didn’t.” Another shrug. “Until the meeting. I stirred the pot a little on the business side. And when I did, who came knocking on my door but the Yakuza. Their mistake, because now, they’re after me. So I need your help.”

“No.” Matt scoffs, which almost sounded like a laugh because it was all just so ridiculous. “Uh-uh. There is no us. This is your problem. Why can’t you just divest your funds from Roxxon and be done with it?”

She sighs. “That’s a coward’s way out. Someone screwed with me. I don’t like that.”

“Then get a lawyer.”

“I thought I did.”

“You fired me for a job I didn’t even take. Call the police.”

“You’re one to talk. ‘Devil of Hell’s Kitchen’.”

“What I do is none of your business, all right? Not anymore.”

“Matthew–”

“Let me tell you what’s gonna happen now.” And he makes sure she’s really listening before continuing, “When I let go, you’re gonna get up and leave. You’re gonna book yourself on the first available flight out of New York and get on it, go back to whatever spa, or resort, or five-star hotel you just came from, and stay out of my city and especially out of my house. If the Yakuza have their sights set on something bigger than your spoiled little rich ass, then I will take care of them.”

“Let me tell you. The Yakuza do have a bigger plan, and I’m not going anywhere.” Elektra says, all high and mighty sounding.

“You can’t fight them.”

“And you can?”

“I drove them out of New York once before.”

She chuckles, amused, “Oh, no, you didn’t. The Yakuza never left. They just hibernated and watched you take out all of their enemies. Now, New York is ripe for the taking, and they plan on getting to the top of the hill first. Well, we’ll scare ‘em back into hibernation. What do you say?” She sticks out her hand. “Partners?”

He only lets go of the hold on her to bat the hand away. “I don’t need a partner. Especially not with you.”

“Yes, you do.” She smiles. “And so do I. Because you have skills. You fight better than anyone I know. But I have information. I gained access to Roxxon’s servers right in front of their little criminal faces. We do it together, we take them down fast and hard. The second it’s done, I’m out of your city. Forever.”

Matt clenches his teeth, trying not to lash out. “The last time I saw you, you put a knife in my hand and asked me to slit Roscoe Sweeney’s throat. I happen to respect human life. Unlike you.”

“Matthew–”

“Get out.”

“Matthew, come on.” She begs, eagerly. “For old time sake. Forget about life for a while. Your job. Give yourself a break from being a father. Let’s drive them out together.”

He scoffs again. “You have… quite a pair on you. This may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve actually moved on in the years since you left. I’m seeing someone now, and I finally have the business I wanted with my best friend; And I have the responsibility of being a parent. Which is why I have zero interest in ever starting anything up with you ever again.”

True. Everything he said was true, which is why she seemed so hurt. She knew he was being truthful.

“Your daughter really was telling the truth.” She said, quietly. Matt says nothing, letting it really sink in. “Fine. I’ll do it myself.” She sidesteps around him and starts walking for the exit. “Goodbye, Matthew.”

When she left they all felt like they could breathe when she finally left. It was like a huge weight got pulled from their chests.

“Kai–” Karen begins, squeezing the teenager’s shoulder for attention.

“What happened? Did she do anything to you?” Matt asks, going into protective mode as he is suddenly right by her side.

“She just… wanted to know where I came from.” Kaila replies, truthfully. “I’m okay. Really.”

“You sure?” He pushes.

“Yeah.” Better now that they’re here. “You guys came fast. How?”

“Your friend Jayden called the office.” Foggy replies, catching her by surprise. 

“Jayden did?”

“He called because he thought the interaction between the two of you was weird. And thank god he did.” He sighs, his heart has finally stopped pounding. “Now we gotta meet this kid.”

She smiles. “I’m sure you will. We didn’t exactly finish our conversation.”

“So… are you guys good then?”

“Yeah.” Kaila says, with a nod. “It was just a misunderstanding.”

“Awe, that’s wonderful.” Karen said, happily. 

“Think this one will stick?” Matt asked, happy too, but still a bit weary. 

“Yeah.” Kaila said, confidently. “I think this one will. Unlike past friendships, he wasn’t turned off by the blindness.”

“Hey! That’s great!” Foggy says, clasping his hands together. “I’m liking this kid even better now.”

She laughs. “Yeah…” Then her face falls. “I’m sorry about interrupting your date.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. We still had a great time. Right?” Matt asks the blonde.

“Yep. We did.” Karen agrees, just as Foggy plants his hands over the teen’s ears.

“How great of a time?” He teases, causing a bit of blushing between the adults.

“Ew!” Kaila elbows her Uncle. “I can still hear, you know?!”

“Uh, no you can’t.” He shifts his arms around her, and gives her noogie. “Goofball.”

“Hey!”

“So–” His eyes shift back to Matt. “What are you going to do? Are you going to stay the night? Or… I-I mean, I would like to point out, you did kick down the door pretty hard.”

“You kicked the door down?” Kai said, concerned/shocked. 

Matt frowns. “We probably should stay somewhere else tonight. Just in case.”

“Want to stay at my place?” Foggy asked, as he got a smug look.

“Will Marci be okay with us sliding into your bed?”

“Oh, shit. Totally slipped my mind.”

Karen laughs quietly. “Want to just come back over?” 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“You okay?” 

Her voice broke through his thoughts like a knife as he was subconsciously rubbing his knuckles while sitting on the edge of the bed (The achiness of wanting to go out and punch something/someone was nagging at him). Of course his mind was going a mile a minute, of course he was getting sucked into his own head; It was another stupid cross he had to bear. He just…

Sick of all of this.

“Every time I think something’s officially over with, it just crawls back from the dead.” He sighs. “What have I done to deserve some of this? I thought I’ve done enough good, and I thought I’ve made up for some of the bad things. But I guess not.”

“Matt–” Karen starts, as she sinks down next to him.

“Remember the story I told you about how Kai came into my life? How I almost gave her up?” He hears her shake her head. “The first year with her, there were a few times I almost went back to that. I just… I can’t see her, and despite all my other senses, I sometimes didn’t even know why she would start crying; Or if she was hungry, or tired, I just didn’t know. And… I mean Foggy was there, thank god, and so was his family, they were always so helpful, but… I was so lost. I doubted myself. There were so many times I thought, ‘Maybe her life would be better without me there’.”

“Matt…”

“And I was nervous about Mary.” He squeezes his hands together. “Enraged too. Hell, there were a lot of emotions there. And it’s not that I wanted her back in my life, yet… I still feel like she needed to be there in some way, you know?”

He still remembers their fights, the last one being pretty miserable to the point they just said ‘Good Riddance’ and went the other way. 

Karen senses the hatred and plants her hand on top of his. “Who was Mary?” She asks, carefully. 

Matt closes his eyes and takes a sharp breath. “We met when I was in my… ‘party boy era’ so to speak. She was smart, sharp as a tack, quick witted, and very punctual too. She mentioned once her dad had a military background, and drilled it into her head, I guess.” He felt her squeeze his hands to comfort. “She was great… but it was messy from the start. I didn’t listen to my gut, nor Foggy. What really ended it for me was the fact that I felt like I was being interrogated by her; Like she was nitpicking me to find something useful. I don’t know. Then I forgot about her, graduated, got an apartment and then the rest is history.”

“If you didn’t have the best relationship–” She tilted her head, curiosity peaked to the fullest. “Why the feeling about wanting her back?”

“I guess I just wanted Kai to have her mom.” His expression deepens. “I never had a mom growing up, she left when I was a baby, and I never really got the chance to ask my dad about her. Why…” This was so hard to talk about. “Why did she walk out? Was she ever coming back? Or… why did a hardcore Atheist like my father raised to be Catholic like my mother? Why did I do wrong to have both my parents taken from me?”

“Matt–”

“Why did God put the devil inside me? Why must all the bad things come back to me?”

“Don’t.” She takes his hand into hers now. “Don’t put yourself down like this. And you want to know why?” He starts shaking his head, knowing he doesn’t deserve her kind words. “Because despite all these horrible things, you have turned out to be a good man.” He squeezes his eyes shut as she holds him close. “You graduated at the top of your class. You made a friend that thinks of you as his own brother. You got your apartment all on your own. You were given a healthy, beautiful, and happy daughter.”

His mind starts pulling all those memories to the front stage for him to view. The graduation where Foggy’s brother, Theo, nearly plowed them over for a giant hug; Mrs. Nelson’s never ending photos before insisting Matt and her son to come over for a big feast. - Finally having enough money to afford his own apartment. - Foggy and him hitting it off immediately. - When the nurse placed his daughter in his arms for the first time, it became love at first touch. - Despite all the darkness that surrounded his heart, God had given him a few good things over the years. 

He feels Karen’s thumb stroking the back of his hand as she continues her words, 

“You started your own business, you’ve helped people in and out of your suit and tie; You’ve helped me and you gave me a job.” She cracks a soft smile, enough for him to hear. “And deep down, I think even if you didn’t have these abilities, I still firmly believe the day you met me, that you still would have believed me. I still believed that you would have known wrong from right even without your abilities. ‘Cause you–” Touches his chest. “Are a good man, Matthew. Someone I’m proud to have in my life. And I’m sure everyone around you would agree.”

That’s…

That’s all he needed/wanted to hear.

He envelopes her free hand into his and gives her a quick kiss on her forehead. “Thank you.” He mutters, resting his head on her shoulder. “For putting up with my… everything.”

She hums quietly. “Anytime, Matt.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

As soon as they set foot inside the building the very next morning, Matt perked up when he tuned in on something.

“Something’s wrong, Dad?” Kaila asked, trailing a few steps behind him carefully.

“Sounds like there’s someone else other than Foggy is in our office.” 

“Someone… bad?”

“I don’t know. Let’s stay on our toes.” The three of them entered, Matt saying something first. “Early start today, Fog?”

Foggy looked so relieved they’re finally here. “Guys.” He begins, a bit of an annoyance in his undertone for the person sitting across from him. “Uh, this is Christopher Roth. He’s the public defender assigned to the Castle case.”

“The public defender? For Castle?” Karen asked, surprised to find out someone was already placed under Frank’s aid.

The man, Roth, seemed happy that she was here, eager for her to take a seat (which they all did). “I just dropped by to get Miss Page’s signature on this statement.” He shows off the paper to her. “So, um, Miss Page, I drew this up based on your official statement to the police, about the Metro-General shooting.”

Karen pulls it closer to her to read, while Matt was about to say something pushy; But Foggy cuts right in, poking around the man whose presence didn’t sit right with him either. “You new to New York, Mr. Roth?”

Roth blinks, confused, but answers. “Born and raised.”

“Is this your first case?”

“Second. I won my first. Domestic violence. I believe in protecting women.” His last statement seemed to be directed at the blonde who flashed him a strange look.

“That’s nice. Appreciate it.” Kaila said from the far end of the table, observing. 

“Um… who is–”

“Eh, don’t mind her. She’s an intern.” Foggy plays it off, which seemed to confuse him even more.

Karen looks up briefly to say, “Uh, this says that Castle pursued me down the stairwell, but I went down, he went up.”

“Um, okay, that’s a change I can make.” Roth replies, jotting that down on his notepad.

“Also, I didn’t escape on foot, I had a car. I know I told the NYPD about that.”

“Um, car–”

“I was also not Castle’s only target. That’s just flat out wrong.” She says, stunned by what she’s reading. “What about Grotto? Where– Where did you get my statement? 

“Grotto?”

“Grote. Our client, Elliot Grote.” Matt said, like it was obvious.

“Oh, yes, him.” Roth nods. “Yeah, he’s on the victim list. Ballistics matched him to one of the many guns connected to Frank Castle. Look, I just need a signature. Once we’ve got that, we’re all done.”

“Well, with this meeting.” Karen says, as she reads the last of it.

“With this case.”

She paused, along with everyone else in the room. Her eyes meet him again and asks, “How so?”

“Castle’s awake.” He explains, nonchalantly. “Soon, he’ll plead guilty, then it’s open and shut.”

“Open and shut is good. New York will sleep better knowing Frank Castle’s behind bars.” Foggy agrees, with a slow nod. 

“Sleep even better when he’s dead.” Those words rolled off his tongue that made everyone grow quiet yet again.

“Uh, dead?” Matt asks, puzzled; Eyebrow raised as he sits up straighter. 

“Well, lethal injection, probably, although the electric chair is a possibility.”

“New York doesn’t have the death penalty.”

“Yeah, but Delaware does. Some Dogs of Hell were murdered out there along Interstate 95.” Roth points out, suddenly making the whole room feel uncomfortable. “DA Reyes just has to link the killings to Castle, and then they’ll be well within their rights to extradite him. And you know–”

“Are you and DA Reyes friends?” Foggy cuts him off, the annoyance stirring up again. That seemed to make the other party unsettled from the way he shifted in his chair.

“I met her once.”

“When?”

“Yesterday, when the judge assigned me to the case.”

“Of course you did.” Foggy whispers under his breath, while shaking his head.

“Well, look…” Roth looks between them. “She’s the one who took down the Punisher. She’s not going through all these paces so that she can not put the final nail in his coffin.”

Matt scoffs. “Literally.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Roth, I can’t sign this yet.” Karen says, while shoving the paper back his way. 

“Um, A-Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“We’ll be in touch, Mr. Roth.” Matt says, another way of telling him to get the F out of here now. He does, gathering his things in a sloppy manner and scurry out of there without another word.

“Well, he seems great.” Kaila says, breaking the ice.

Karen stands up from the chair, hands on her stern hips. “Statement he wanted me to sign? Complete work of fiction. Probably handcrafted by Reyes.”

“Totally not disagreeing.” Foggy says, hands up in defense. “We could just write an anonymous letter, and maybe the judge will assign a new public defender.”

Matt shrugs at the idea. “Yeah, or we could help Castle ourselves… like we talked about.”

His eyes widened a smidge. “No way. You guys are still on board with this?”

“Yeah.” The blind man says, Karen nodding with him.

“I was hoping you weren’t…” He mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I was hoping you all wake up with a better mind set.”

“We don’t have to ‘full on’ defend him. We could just negotiate a plea deal. Without extradition, or an electric chair. And then, Castle goes away, Reyes gets her ticker-tape parade, everyone wins.”

“Everyone except us.” Foggy frowns, finally standing up. “Look, I know he helped you save Kai’s life, but do you see the front door?” He points at it. “The ‘open’ sign is up, but nobody’s walking in. If we keep messing with Reyes, we’ll be shuttered by the end of the month.”

“Look, I know we’re on a thin thread here, but come on. If we stand up to her, we could actually end her incessant bullying.”

“And possibly save this guy’s life.” Karen chimes in.

“A murderer who shot at you.” Foggy states the obvious. 

“For reasons that I don’t fully understand yet.”

“Roth said Castle’s gonna plead guilty. So we get in there, we talk to him–” Matt starts.

“Ask him some questions about what really happened to his family, why Reyes wants him dead.” Karen continues.

And the brunette finishes with, “Build a fair plea, and show the DA our justice system still has a backbone.”

Foggy takes a second to rub his hands on his face and through his hair that he swears it’s going to turn gray between these two. “This is a bad idea, guys.” He scoffs. “I can’t believe we’re even discussing this! He chained you to a roof, Matt. You, of all people, should know he’s a psychopath.”

Matt frowns, but not disagreeing. “Okay, his methodology is clearly wrong, but in his own kind of way, he was trying to do something noble. I mean, you, Karen and even Kai have been to his house, you have seen his life before. There’s a reason he’s doing all this.”

“Do you even hear yourself?” He asks, then looks between his two friends. “Even you, Karen.”

“Yeah, we understand, Foggy. We really do. But he wanted justice. Like us.” She replies, making him take a deep breath. 

“So we should risk everything? Our firm, our reputation, and– and let’s be honest, our safety? We should put it all on the line to help him?”

Matt shrugs again. “Kinda. Yeah.”

“He’s a person. Like you, Foggy. Like me. Like all of us. And he shouldn’t have to die.” Karen adds, making him throw his head back and sigh.

“Ugh. God, I hate when the two of you tag team me.” He admits, as he gathers his things together. “I guess we’re going to the hospital.”

“Hospital?” Kaila asked, confused.

“We got to interview Frank.” Her father says, also getting his things. “You’re still going to have to come with us. But the police probably won’t let you near his room since you’re a minor.”

The young girl shrugged. “Eh, I can probably hang out in the cafeteria. I don’t mind.”

“It shouldn’t take long. We’ll try to be quick.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

After being patted down at the hospital entrance, the trio was run over by camera flashes as reporters nearly bulldozed them over as they stepped out of the elevator. Karen pretends to guide Matt as they follow Foggy up towards the front of the crowd.

“Looks like every outlet in town wants a word with Castle.” She says, getting a little overwhelmed with this many people in one small area. 

“Or a report on who does.” Matt adds, continuing their way until they were stopped by a police officer. 

“You press?”

“Uh, no, attorneys.”

“IDs?”

They flashed their IDs, before the officer waves for them to follow and leads them further down the hallway. 

Foggy slows his steps and comes to stand next to his friends, lowering his voice. “This much spotlight concerns anyone else? I mean, we’re about to step onto a big proscenium stage here.” He throws his hands out dramatically. “And how do I know what proscenium means? Because I did theater in summer camp which is exactly the kind of thing that these reporters will find out if they start digging into me.”

Matt couldn’t help but smirk at his performance. “Come on, jazz hands.”

“What the hell are you three doing here?” Brett’s voice came through, being as ‘cheerful’ as always when interacting with them.

“Brett!” Foggy faces bloomed with a big smile. “You’re wearing a tie, and it’s not a clip-on.”

The cop purses his lips. “This ain’t a good time, Foggy.”

“How’d you get babysitting duty, Sergeant?”

“A Detective Sergeant now.”

“A promotion?” Foggy replies, like he totally did not know about this already. 

“Uh, just lucky.” Brett says, shrugging and averting his gaze somewhere else for a second. “Top dogs like the press of a good collar.”

“Yeah, and the cops that get ‘em.” Karen says, smiling. “Congratulations, Detective.”

“Alright you three, enough sugar coating. This area is restricted beyond this point. You can’t be here.”

“What if we have business with Frank Castle?” Matt replies, getting a look.

“Business?” Brett almost laughs. “Guy’s barely conscious.”

“Our firm wants to represent him.”

“Man’s already got a lawyer.”

Foggy scoffs. “Yeah, we met that benchwarmer. Not the freshest fish the city could’ve drummed up, but he’s in the running.”

Matt clears his throat while readjusting his hold on his cane. “Brett, we feel Nelson and Murdock is better equipped to represent Mr. Castle’s best interests. Certainly over that of his current legal counsel.”

Brett holds his tongue. “Look, I don’t ask questions, but every firm in the city has passed this one by. Must be a reason. You’re chasing the wrong ambulance. DA wants the death penalty.”

Karen nods, before saying, “The public defender is all but ready to roll over and help.”

“They’ll even extradite Castle out of New York if that’s what it takes.” Matt adds.

“So, we thought he’d respond to our strategy of, you know, keeping him alive.” Foggy finishes. 

Brett looks between the three, realizing that they are the definition of ‘Dog with a Bone’. “Come over here.” He sighs, and ushers them over to an empty corner to be more quiet. “Look, none of this is my problem. But all I know is, you go up against this DA and lose? The only funeral to attend will be your firm’s. You’re talkin’ career suicide.”

“If we walk away we’re letting him die.” Matt retaliates, making the other man sigh. 

“Bags and briefcases get searched.” He says, pointing to an empty table with a few cops around. “Do not give Castle anything. Do not take anything from him. Arms up.”

The brunette raises an eyebrow above his glasses. “They already searched us when we came in downstairs.”

“Yeah? And we’re gonna do it again.” Brett quickly pats them down. “Everything’s been removed from inside the room. He’s tied down, but keep your distance and mind the tape. Do not step past it or I get to make my dream come true and arrest you.”

“Understood, Captain.” Foggy says, giving a quick salute.

“Let them check your stuff before going in. Except, Matt–” He stops the man from walking away with the other. “I need to talk to you for a quick second.”

“Okay. Um–” Matt looks at his friends. “I’ll be right there.” They leave, and Matt immediately picks up how nervous Brett suddenly was.

“I’m actually kind of glad you’re here, I was going to come see you before I got roped up into this.”

“What is it?”

“He’s dead.” The words slipped from Brett’s mouth that made Matt almost shutter. 

“What?”

“The man who took Kaila. He’s dead.”

“Dead?” Did he hear that right? “H-How? Are you saying ‘brain dead’, like from his coma?”

“No. Dead, dead.” Brett frowns, almost like it was his fault the man had passed. “When I got wind that he was conscious I sent some guys out to see how conscious, to see if he could actually talk well enough to give us some info on why he took your kid. But when they arrived, he was dead.”

Matt’s heart skipped a beat, and his stomach twisted for an unexplained reason. “Natural causes?”

“I don’t know. They’re investigating it right now. But with this whole Castle thing now, the police department’s mostly focusing on that. Unless this thing starts slowing down, I’m just giving you the heads up that there’s a possibility that this might grow cold. I’m sorry.”

Well that’s not something he wanted to hear today. But, he does appreciate his honesty. “It’s not your fault. Although I want answers, I’m just glad she’s home.”

“Yeah. But–” Brett pats his shoulder. “I’m sure you’ll find answers. You’re pretty good at that.”

Matt tilts his head, confused. “Excuse me?”

“Nevermind. Enjoy your talk with Castle.”

.

.

.

And he left him with more questions than answers yet again. 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“Oh, my God.” Karen said upon seeing the man again. I mean, he was pretty bruised when she saw him on the rooftop with Matt, but… Jesus. This way, way worse.

“Uh, the tape.” Foggy said, stopping the three of them from crossing.

“Frank Castle?” The sweetness in her voice finally reached his ears and made him open his half swollen eyes; His hardened gaze falling just a smidge.

“Ah. It’s you.” He croaked, his voice hoarse. “Nice to see you again, Red.”

“Nice to see you again, too.” Matt admits, and his lips curled upwards slightly. “Allow me to introduce myself properly this time. My name is Matthew Murdock. These are my associates, Franklin Nelson and Karen Page.”

Frank chuckled quietly. “Yeah. I know who you are. You protect shitbags… mostly.”

“We came here today to make you an offer.”

“An offer?” Another laugh. “You feel like you owe me, Red?”

“Well, you did help bring my daughter home. But even if you didn’t, we still would like to help you. We don’t need money, we’re not interested in fame or free advertising. Weren’t even assigned to your case. We don’t have to be here.”

“Ah.” He nods and closes his eyes again. “Then go.”

Matt frowns, worriedly at how defeated he sounds. “Look, Frank. Take a quick look around, and you’ll notice we’re the only ones who want to be here and help you. As you may well know, your list of enemies extends well beyond the gangs you’ve killed. You’re very good at making powerful enemies. And the day you were admitted to Metro-General for the round you took to the head, a do-not-resuscitate order was placed on you.”

“And a shoot-to-kill order, just a few days ago.” Foggy points out

“We know, because we heard it be given.” Karen says, frowning. 

“These orders were issued by the District Attorney. And the fact that she’s had it in for us ever since we started asking questions tells us we’re on the right track.” Matt continues, jaw tightening. “Someone in the DA’s office wants you dead, Frank and we’d like to know why. You let us take your case, we can soften your sentence, and give you a shot. Maybe even find out who’s responsible for what happened to you. We’re talking about your life. We can help you keep what’s left of it.”

“Yeah.” Frank scoffs, rolling his eyes. “What’s left. You know what’s left of me, Red. Fucking nothing.”

“But don’t you want answers?” Karen pushes in.

“Karen–” Foggy begins, but she keeps going.

“We want answers too, but none of us will get them if you’re dead.”

“Eh… death’s fine.” Frank mutters. “I could use the sleep.”

“But what about your family? Matt told us you spoke about your family briefly with him. I mean, isn’t this why you started all this? To find out what happened to them?”

“Listen, Blondie–”

“Mr. Castle, we’ve been to your house.”

He froze. “What?”

“Karen–” Foggy warned, just before they all jumped at the sound of someone pounding their fist into the door.

“Who’s in there?” They asked, as a brief, incoherent explanation was passed to her. “What?!” They knocked again. “Open the door! Open–”

Karen grits her teeth and turns up the heat. “Someone is lying about what happened to your family, Mr. Castle. Don’t you want answers?”

But before Frank could reply, DA Reyes came bursting into the room

“You three, out!!”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The three of them were ushered out into the hallway, trying their best to ignore the screaming woman until she was right in front of their faces.

“How can we help you, Ms. Reyes?” Matt asked, with a bit of bite.

“Get your things and go.” She demands, as they all shrugged. 

“Uh, we have a little bit of business here left.”

“Frank Castle already has counsel. So, unless you’ve asked the public defender for permission to speak to his client, you are in violation of New York legal ethics.”

“We spoke to the PD this morning. To be honest, he doesn’t seem all that prepared to tackle this case. Although, he did mention the conversation that you had with him yesterday.”

She scoffs. “Matt Murdock, is it?”

“Yeah–” He flashes a shit-eating grin. “Pleasure to meet you.”

“You have a reputation of being a smart man, Mr. Murdock. And since your colleagues seem unable to grasp the hornets’ nest they keep kicking, let me direct this at you.” She puts her hands on her hips. “Leave this ward, leave this man, leave this entire case behind before you wake up six feet under the ash that was your reputation and promising legal career.”

“We have a right to a private conversation with a prospective client.”

“Not if there’s a conflict of interest.”

He raises an eyebrow. “And what conflict is that?”

“Elliot Grote.” She says, looking between the three. “You can’t represent Castle when one of his victims was your former client.”

“Alleged victims.” Foggy corrects, as Reyes gives him a glare.

“All the same.”

“Representing Grotto might have complicated matters, but then again, all evidence of our work with him and our deal with you seems to have disappeared from public record.” Matt points out, as all the color in her face suddenly drained (And his colleagues smile). “It’s almost as if someone didn’t want it known that you violated a wit-pro contract, jeopardized the safety of said witness, and then ordered a shoot-to-kill on Castle.”

“But I guess Ms. Reyes could just confess to that when she files this conflict of interest complaint. We have our case files to back up our story.” Foggy finishes, with a sassy undertone. “How’s your side looking?”

“The fact of the matter is, Ms. Reyes, the only person who shouldn’t be here right now is you.” Matt continues, with a ghost of a smile. “Seeing as it’s a breach of ethics for the prosecuting attorney to communicate with the defendant without his assigned legal counsel present. So, if you’ll excuse us, we’d like to resume convincing Mr. Castle that, unlike his current legal counsel, we can actually help him.”

“You already did.” Brett announced as he came into view.

Reyes’ snapped her head in his direction, eyes wide. “What?”

“Castle doesn’t want the public defender. Says Nelson and Murdock are his lawyers now.”

“Thank you, Detective Sergeant. If you’ll excuse us.” Matt says, holding his hand out. “Foggy, do you have my cane?” His friend quickly scrambled to grab it off the table and handed it over. “Thank you.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“Finally feel like we have the upper hand against that woman.” Karen said, as they entered an empty room to regroup. 

“Yeah, she bluffs well, but she’ll negotiate.” Matt sighs with his hands on his hip. “She doesn’t want this going to trial.”

“Of course.” Foggy scoffs, upset. “She wants it to end quickly, so she can move on to burying us.”

“Just deal with one problem at a time.”

“So where are we supposed to start?” Karen asks, as Matt jogs his brain.

“Let’s have the charges and evidence summary brought in here. We can weed through it and work out what terms we want directly with Frank.”

“It’ll save time.” Foggy says, running a hand through his hair. “Can’t believe this is happening.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The three of them (mostly just Karen and Foggy for obvious reasons), had giant piles of paperwork scattered in front of them. By the time they had read through everything, the sun was already starting to set.

“It’s worse than I thought.” Foggy says, breaking the ice first. “Thirty-seven separate murder charges. What about you, Karen?”

“Uh–” She recounts everything in her head for a second, before saying, “98 lesser, I mean, felony assault, burglary, criminal possession of a weapon, reckless endangerment. Any number of criminal mischief charges.”

“And that’s it?” Matt asked, as he took everything in (Maybe they did bite off more than they could chew).

“Yeah.”

“We’re so fucking screwed.” The Nelson said, as he shook his head.

“You guys ready to go in?”

“No. But considering the arraignment in a couple hours, we don’t have much of a choice.” A sigh. “Time to play twenty questions with a killer.”

After getting checked and patted down again, They made their way back inside with the paperwork, ready to go head-to-head with the lunatic. 

“Frank–” Matt begins, as they make their way to the red line again. “Thank you for allowing us to be your attorneys.” Despite the genuine ‘thank you’, his client didn’t say anything. “Uh, Foggy?”

“Right. Um–” Foggy starts reading over his notes. “We’ve reviewed the charges you’re facing. It’s my understanding that you wish to plead guilty to all of them?” Nothing. “Uh, I’m gonna need a verbal confirmation if we’re gonna continue.” Still nothing. He frowns. “Look, you asked us to represent you. In order to do my job–”

“I’m guilty.” Frank croaked, as the wheels started turning in his head.

Foggy looked at his friends who smiled. “Great, uh–”

“I’m not talking to you yet.” 

“Excuse me?”

Frank’s eyes traveled to Karen’s and said, “Blondie?”

“Yes?”

“You said you went to my house?”

She swallows. “Y-Yes?”

“When?”

“Um…” Karen looks at the others who honestly, didn’t know what to say. “T-Two… Two days ago.”

Frank hums, thinking. “So that’s when Red and I duked it out with the Irish. And you also mention ‘we’. Which I’m thinking is–” He gestures to Foggy. “Him. But that also was shortly after the whole thing with…” His trailing off caused the lawyers to look at one another, puzzled and worried.

“Um, Frank?” Matt begins, trying to get a good reading off him. “What are you–”

“I want to talk to your kid, Red.” And that’s how you silence a room with a few words. The father’s eyes widened a bit just as the Uncle exploded.

“Um, Absolutely not!” Foggy said, immediately. “My Niece is not–”

“I want to talk to her.” Frank locks his gaze with the blind man. “You know I won’t hurt her, Red.”

Matt kept his cool and simply asked, “Why do you want to talk to my daughter?”

“Because I know out of everyone here, that fucking Reyes hasn’t touched her yet.” 

“Is that the only reason?”

“Yes.” Lie. Of course the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen could tell. But oddly enough, it sounded like Frank lied for a reason that only he could pick up.

Foggy sighs after a moment of silence and says, “Listen, Mr. Castle–”

“We’ll have to talk to the leading officer here to see if that’s even possible seeing that she’s still a minor.” Matt explains, as he feels his friends’ look of bewilderment on him. “And if it is allowed, my daughter also has to accept it.”

“Then go ask.” Frank said, resting his eyes again. “I got all the time.”

“Alright. I will.” He starts leading them away, but they manage to get between him and the door.

“Matt, are you crazy?” Karen said, in a whisper. “You’re going to leave your daughter alone with him?”

“I thought you had a soft spot for Frank?”

“I-I do! But… there’s a bit of a difference here between me and your kid.”

“Why are you okay with this?” Foggy asked, disappointed. “If I was you, I’d be freaking out right now.”

“I am.” He gets a look. “I am. Trust me. The only reason I’m even considering this is because of his background. I think…” He stops to think. “Karen, didn’t you mention you took a photo from his house?”

“Uh– y-yeah.” She sighs after realizing she didn’t have her bag. “It’s in my purse.”

“Right. Let’s go check that real quick.” They leave the room and retrieve her purse from the police. Hiding it from an outsider’s view she pulls it out. 

“I’m a little confused, Matt. What are we looking at? Or for?”

“If I’m right, then…” He takes a deep breath. “Is his daughter on there?”

“Um, yes.”

“Good. Now, uh, I want you two to get a good look at her.” The two of them spared him another gaze before doing so, it only took a few seconds for him to hear their breaths’ hitch and heart rate spike to confirm what he was thinking. “You see?”

“It makes sense.” Foggy admits in defeat. “Talking to someone who resembles a loved one does make one more comforting.”

“I… I still don’t like it.” Karen replies, saddened. “But I understand. You still okay with this though?”

“If getting him to talk freely involves using my daughter then… I guess we have no choice.” Matt said, still not a hundred percent sold, but this might be their only chance at getting him to speak (Or at least open up to a point of trust). “Hey, Brett?”

“Yeah?” The cop said, turning around at his name.

“I need to run something by you.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“Miss Murdock, arms up please.”

Kaila let them pat her down while handing over her crutches and purse, letting all the weight to her good leg like she’s been practicing (PT’s a bitch, but it has been helping). 

“Do not give Castle anything. Do not take anything from him. Understood?” The officer explained, as she nodded. “If your leg starts acting up, we’d place a chair inside, but do not go pass the red tape.”

“Got it.” She muttered, and faced the adults. “Is that all the reports?”

“Uh, yeah. It is.” Karen said, still hesitant to hand it over. 

Matt frowns, nerves starting to grow more. “Kai, you don’t have to–”

“I’ll do it.” The teenager cuts off as she takes the paperwork. 

“Really? You positive?”

“You need answers. You need to build trust. I’ll do it.” Kaila looks at her Dad one last time. “And do not eavesdrop.” He opens his mouth. “Please?”

He sighs quietly. “Alright.” He feels her distrustful stare. “Alright. I cross my heart.”

“Thanks.”

The teenager takes a deep breath before entering on her wobbly feet. Upon entering she saw his dark eyes open, the only part of his body moving with his chest for light breathing. Surprisingly, she wasn’t as scared or uneasy as she thought she would be. Maybe her brain automatically accepted him as soon as he saved her back on the rooftop? Still, she doesn’t sit right away, instead she clings to the back of it, pushing it a bit closer to the red line on the floor. Her brown orbs caught his bruised hand moving and pointed at her.

“Your leg? What happened?” Frank asked, voice still scruffy, but gentle. 

“Uh… I uh, got a little lippy with the guy.” She says, smacking her lips. “I, uh, hot-headed is kind of my curse.”

He laughs dryly. “That makes two of us.”

That got her to crack a smile for a split second before asking, “Um, how… how are you feeling?”

His hum sounds a bit on the edge of a growl. “Shitty. You know all they gave me was an ibuprofen?”

“That’s it?” She frowns. “But aren’t you still a patient? Shouldn’t they give you something stronger?”

“Nah. No nurse or doctor wants to come near me.” He scoffs. “I’m not the fuckin’ Hulk, I can’t break out of these cuffs with one tug.”

His words affected her a lot. Criminal or not, you should still help him.

“I heard you wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah.” He nods, slowly. “My family. What do you know? I know you went into my house.”

“I did.” She frowns, guilty. “I apologize if we overstep. We just thought we should know a bit more about you.”

Frank stays quiet for a moment then says, “You know what they’d be saying about me? About all this? How disappointed they must be?”

Her face morphs into a surprise when she realizes who he’s referring to. “Mr. Castle–”

“Have you heard about the Police report? Complaint number 211974.” He continues, his face twisting into something she couldn’t pinpoint. “‘Victims were stopped at a traffic light northbound on Buellton Ave, when an unidentified male suspect began firing a 9mm handgun at their vehicle. Juvenile male, juvenile female, and adult woman were found dead at the scene. Adult male driver was critically wounded and taken to Metro-General’.”

Vehicle– what? She blinks and shakes her head. “That’s… that’s all bullshit. Right?”

“Yep.” He pops the ‘P’, teeth then gritting in disgust. “That’s the story that fuckin’ DA woman is running with. But you and I, and your family out there, know we were at the carousel that day.”

“How much do you remember?” 

“This ain’t about what I remember.”

“But I think it is.” Kaila pushes. “From what my Father and his friends got are a lot of puzzle pieces, but trust me, this moves a lot smoother if you can tell us anything.”

Another pause. “It goes in and out.”

“Yeah?”

“The fact that it fades…” His brows pushed together as he tried to recall the distant memory. “We took our blanket down to our spot. She… my daughter was by the carousel on the lawn. Then I heard her shout. Scream. It was a grown man.”

“Who did you see?”

“I didn’t. But I found out later. The Cartel. Irish. Bikers.”

“Anyone else?”

“I should’ve seen it coming.” He says, almost between a laugh and a cry.

She gives him a worried look and asks, “How could you know?”

“What’d I just say to you?” He locks his dark eyes with hers. “I said that I heard it. I heard it and I didn’t do anything. My job was to keep them safe. I didn’t. I didn’t do it.”

This sounds something like my dad would say. Kaila looks down, trying to figure out what to say to a man who’s lost everything.

“She was never in any danger.” Frank’s voice creeped in and pulled her back.

“What?” Kai asked, confused again. 

Frank’s face and voice had softened up again as he explained, “The other night. Blondie was babysitting that shit brick, running around with that Grotto. I just–” He stutters. “I-I only hurt people that deserve it. I wanted you to know that.”

She tilts her head, trying to show slight empathy for the client she never met. “You think he deserved it? Grotto?”

“I do. You know he used to do hits for the Irish, huh?” He frowns. “One time, he shot an old lady because she saw his face.” He notices the girl’s surprised look again. “I guess he– he didn’t tell your Dad and his colleagues that, huh?” She shakes her head (honestly not sure if he did or not). “Yeah. The point is, Blondie was safe, okay? I just wanted you to know that.”

“Guess I’m just supposed to take your word on that?”

“Nothin’ to do with my word, kid. Nothin’ at all.”

“No?”

“No. Look, you got any idea what a scout sniper is? You ever heard of that?” She shakes her head. “No? Okay, well, you’re looking at one. My class in Quantico was class 307. And we had a motto. It was a saying, yeah? It was, ‘One shot, one kill’. The point is, if I wanted her dead, she’d be dead. Got it?”

“I think I got it.” Kaila said, nodding. This is so bizarre. 

She takes another deep breath, and continues with the questions. “Why… why am I here? Why did you ask me to come talk to you?”

“I don’t–” He swallows. “I guess I’m worried that the memories are just gonna go away.”

He’s not telling me something. What? She scans him subtly head-to-toe while mustering, “Mr. Castle–”

“Look, you…” Frank looked a little lost as he tried to recall distant memories. “You went to... You were in my house. You…”

She gives him a pitiful look. “You never went back? After your family was…?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Can I just ask you, did you–” He bites his lip for a second. “Were you in the kitchen?”

“Yeah. We came through the back door.”

“The plates, were they... Were they on the table, or did they get into the sink?”

“Um–” She starts replaying over her memories now. “Uh, I think, washed. In the rack.”

“How about in the next room, did you… Did you see that piano that was there?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah?” He says, and finally cracks a meaningful smile. “My son, Frank Junior, he… he used to grab a handful of cookies and take ‘em and hide ‘em in that bench. You know, he’d play soldier. Guard it, protect it.”

“Oh, yeah?” Kaila asked, smiling, too.

“Then he’d fall asleep down there.” He laughs. “We’d find him, me and the wife… he’d be sleeping on a pile of cookie crumbs.”

“Yeah, I, um, when I was younger, I did the same thing.” Her expression grows at the thought. “Except it was those… animal cookies with the frosting, and, um, I’d hide them under a couch cushion.”

“Oh, yeah?” He said, amused.

“Yeah.” Then she laughed. “But I… I never could really ‘hide’ them. My Father always found out. I guess I could blame his abilities on that.”

“Abilities, huh?”

“Yeah.” Her smile faltered a bit. “Uh, when he was a kid he… pushed an elderly person out of the way, took a hit, got chemicals splashed into his eyes, rest is history.” Then she snickers. “And the dumbass thought he could keep his… ‘nightly activities’ from me.”

He hums, expression still the same. “Sounds like something I would do.” He briefly pauses again. “Kaila, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Can you come closer?”

“Huh?”

“Can you come closer? Please?”

Her eyes stayed on him briefly before migrating down to the tape on the floor. She knows she shouldn’t, she knows she could be arrested if the cops walked in and saw her crossing. Yet, just by talking to him, just by knowing his past, and despite the massive criminal record he’s painted himself, she knows deep down he would do anything to her if he could. 

Holding the paperwork under one of her arms, she uses the free one to help her balance. She circles the hospital bed on a slight wobble, her hand stopping a few inches from his as she meets his eyes once again. Frank studied her face for a long time, enough for his features to soften again, but there was the smallest speck of tears in his dark orbs.

“You look like my daughter. Brown eyes, hair…” He swallows and tries to get the scratchiness out of voice. “How old are you, Kaila?”

“Fifteen.” 

“Fifteen.” He whispers, laughing quietly. “Not much older than she was.”

“Is that why you choose to help save me? ‘Cause I look like your daughter?”

“Nah. I mean, I saw your picture in the news, it sparked something in me, but…” He smacks his lips with a small inhale. “You’ll never understand the love a parent has for the child until you have one of your own. I saw that with your Dad when I met him.”

“Is that before or after you shot him?”

Frank snorts, looking away. “Yeah, sorry about that. He was on my ass, you know?”

“Don’t be.” She smirks a bit. “He’s definitely persistent.”

“Aren’t we all? Nah, it was when he came after me the second time. He put up one hell of a fight, and managed to keep me on my toes for a bit. But I got the upper hand. Again.” He inhales again, and says, “Now, I ain’t going to sugarcoat it for you, but I was planning on killing him after I shot up the bar full of cartel members. I knew… if I didn’t, he would just keep coming after me.”

Kaila looks away, not sure how to feel about this as he continues, “But…” She looks up and so does he, sharing eye contact briefly before his shifts to a corner of the room. “We started getting into it, I spewed my reasoning, he spewed his Catholic guilt bullshit, but every time we got somewhere, his phone would ring. Do you have a clue what those were?”

She frowns, and nods. “I can… only imagine.”

“Yeah, well…” He sighs. “I just wanted to get into his head, get him preoccupied with some other shit so I could do my job, so I played those voicemails left by his colleague and threw it in his lap. I never expected the outcome of it.”

Kaila felt her chest get tighter. She still feels guilty about their fight, and wishes they were on better terms when the kidnapping happened. Dad… I can only imagine what that was like for you.

“You see his whole demeanor changed.” Frank says, eyes still trained on the corner. “He shut up so fast. Even with that stupid mask on you could see how haunted he looked. And then you know what he did when the message ended?” His jaw tightens visibly. “He started begging. Begging for me to let him go and find you.” He scoffs quietly, eyes watering over again. “You see… I know that fear.”

He turns his head and locks their gazes together once more. “I know that feeling.” He could see the sorrow in her eyes, all just for him. “When Lisa, my daughter, was about three we went to this market. You know, fresh fruit, handmade blankets, exotic soap, stuff I hated, but my Wife loved it, so I went. We stopped at a booth, I didn’t even realize she let go of my hand, but I blinked and she was gone.”

Frank knows she could see the panic in his orbs, but he couldn’t care now; He’s been unraveling for a while already. What harm could come from more? “We panicked. I was worse than my wife, though. I was hysterical, I was yelling, nearly knocking people over, and I was fearing the worst. Did someone snatch up my girl? Out of everyone here, why my baby? After what felt like years, I finally found her. She snuck off to a booth that had these dolls and she was just sitting there, trying to find one she liked. God…” He lowers his head with a bit of shutter. “I think I might have had a heart attack.”

“I’m so sorry.” Kaila said, truthfully. “I didn’t want you to remember that.”

“Nah, it’s alright.” He sighs again, more quietly this time. “But that’s what I saw in your Father. His whole world was just… crushed by a single voicemail. That’s why I let him go, that’s why I helped him find you, because I didn’t want him to go through what I did. ‘Cause you know, we’re the fathers, nothing should happen to our family. Everything should happen to us, and not them.”

“So that’s why you became the… Punisher. Your whole world fell, and you felt like you had nothing to lose?”

“Yep. I have nothin’ to lose.”

“But don’t you want to live? Or, better question, is killing not giving you peace yet?”

“Nah.” He looks at the corner of the room again. “No peace yet. I don’t know. Maybe I haven’t killed the right person yet. Maybe there is no peace, maybe when I finally kill the right person it’ll feel different. I don’t fuckin’ know. Not like you get it.”

“I do.”

And those words slipped out before they could even register with her brain. And she knows there’s a chance, a very small chance that her dad is actually eavesdropping on their conversation and he could hear this, but she knows she can’t stop now; Those two words couldn’t just be said and done, there has to be a follow up.

She finds herself looking at her feet, feeling the tightening in her chest return as she feels his intense gaze on her. But still, she refuses to look at him right now. 

She takes a deep breath, and begins, “Um, Fisk– uh, Wilson Fisk, you’ve probably heard of him, uh, he and my Dad got entangled with each other. Being Daredevil helped bring Fisk down a few pegs, but Nelson & Murdock they stepped in did the big final attack. They had enough evidence to put him behind bars, but…”

She needs to stop, stop before she spills too much; But Jayden’s voice nagged her in the background, telling her that it’ll help the pain to talk about her troubles instead of bottling them up. She agrees wholeheartedly. She just didn’t think this was going to the first person she talked to.

Kaila shifts her weight, continuing, “B-Before that, they were doing some digging, my Dad and I got into a bit of an argument, and I wanted some space so I went to Karen’s, uh–” She gestures to the door behind her. “Blondie’s. Before I got there I, uh, one of uh, Fisk’s right hand man snagged me. Apparently, he was going to grab Karen after she dug up evidence about Fisk’s mother, but I just happened to arrive first so…”

She felt her stomach now coil, nausea was coming up as the memory of Wesley slowly was creeping in. “He… was trying to blackmail me into changing the minds of everyone around me, to, uh, tell everyone and make them believe that Fisk was a good man. I refused. But then he told me I didn’t, he killed everyone I love, and make me watch… and then it would be my turn.”

Is she crying yet? Has the tears started flowing down without her noticing yet? “Before I could answer, the drug had worn off, and I just grabbed the gun on the table. I didn’t even know if it was loaded or not, but I needed leverage, you know? I told him I was going to leave, and he was going to let me, and I was going to keep this quiet for the sake of my family’s safety. I was almost free, but he just lunged at me.”

Sometimes she could still feel his hands around her throat as he threatened to throw her corpse into the Hudson (It makes her forget how to breathe sometimes). “We wrestled around, soon the gun was being passed back and forth, and…” She felt that lump in her throat now, the one she felt after she did it. “I-I didn’t mean to. It just happened. I…” Now it was her turn to laugh quietly. “I know it’s self defense but I… I still killed someone. You know?”

God, now she feels like she needs a shower all over again. A hot, burning one like she took when she arrived at Karen’s. She wants to burn his touch off, she wants to burn her sins away. She could feel her eyes stinging now, not really sure how long she stayed quiet until he started speaking again.

“Sweetheart.” His voice broke through, causing her to look his way. To her surprise there was no disgust on his face, only sadness and a tiny, tiny bit of anger that if you blink you would miss. “H-How… how’d you feel? After you did it?”

Kaila sniffles. “Um, sc-scared. I was scared, because… I knew if Fisk found out what I did to Wesley, to his friend, his genuine friend, I don’t know what he would have done… to me or my family. And…” She bites her lip. “Oh, god. If my Dad knew, I… I…”

“You mean…” Frank tries to find the right words. “No one knows?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “Well… K-Karen does, but I… I kind of have her sworn to secrecy right now. I just…” Another sniffle. “I just can’t let my Dad know…”

“Why not?” He asks, a little bit of a growl in his tone, but it wasn’t towards her; Just the situation. “If my daughter came up to me and told me she was kidnapped by a dangerous man, you bet your ass I would be hunting that motherfucker down. I’d be storming that building that Fisk was in and I wouldn’t stop until the job was done–”

“That’s exactly why I can’t tell him.” Kaila replies, with a bit of snappiness. She watches him deflate under her words and she carefully explains, “I’m selfish. I’m really selfish. ‘Cause I know if I told him the truth, a few things could happen. He could kill Fisk and get caught, and put away, and that means I lost my Dad to the prison system. Or, he could kill him and never get caught, but I have to live with that guilt that I killed another man, bad or not. So would my Dad. Or…” She feels the tears rolling down her cheeks. “My Dad ends up dead trying.”

She could feel he was looking at her with the same expression from earlier again, but refuses to look. “So, you see? I don’t want to lose my Dad. Physically or mentally. I don’t want to lose the one I have. I don’t want to lose him over something I did. So… you see? I’m selfish. I’m really fucking selfish.”

There was another pause, only this time she pulled herself out of it; Wiping her tears as she apologized for being a debbie-downer (So much for helping him through his trauma). 

Way to go, Murdock. You fucked this up. She continues to beat herself up, wondering if she should just turn around and ditch. But then… she felt him touch her hand. Her head snapped back his way, and sure enough that expression was back on his face.

“Don’t cry.” He croaked, and even though his voice was rough sounding, she could hear the consideration that went into those two words. “I don’t like it when my kids cry. I don’t like it when any kids cry.”

“S-Sorry…” Kaila says, brushing her eyes again as a few tears got loose. 

“Don’t be. Never apologize for that.” He replies, and squeezes her hand gently. His eyes stayed on her face for a few seconds more before trailing to the paperwork she had. “I, uh, see that they gave you questions to ask me.”

“Oh.” She nods, almost forgetting what she was actually here for. “I guess I probably should start on those.”

“Yeah?” A little warm smile creeps onto his busted lips. “If you wanna ask your questions, you can go ahead. Whatever’s on the paper, and whatever personal ones you want to ask. I’m all ears, sweetheart.”

And without more being said there…

Kaila sits on the bed, and slowly starts from the beginning.

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

It was really, really hard for Matt not to eavesdrop. He wants to. He really, really fucking wants to, but he needs to be better by respecting certain bountries; Especially his daughter’s. But he’s still going to be a worrier. Now, he knew Frank wouldn’t do anything even if he wasn’t strapped to the bed, and that was where the bit of trust was. Well… it’s more of a respect for the man. However, even with that respect it still wasn’t enough to keep the jitters away. 

He was standing out in the hallway with Karen and Foggy, his right foot pattering like a rabbit’s foot, his fingers twitching at his side. It felt like every few minutes his hand would move to his left wrist, his thumb pad running across the braille clock to tell him the time.

Two hours. My daughter’s been in there for nearly two hours. It was making him nervous now. I mean, when it hit the hour mark it was already making him nervous, but two?! It’s literally taking all of his strength not to barge in there. So he tries to focus on something else… like Foggy’s sharp inhales while he leans against the wall, or Karen small pivots on her heels, or the sounds of reporters getting escorted out, or the beeping of a police’s walkie, or–

“I can’t take this anymore.” Matt finally says, as his friend’s look his way.

“Matt.” Foggy begins, sliding his back up the wall to stand. “You promise not to eavesdrop.” 

“I’m not going to.” He shakes his head. “I gotta get inside.”

“Matt– wait.”

“You can’t go in yet.” Karen says, stopping him with her arm. “Look, I know it’s been a long time–”

“Exactly.” The blind man says, getting even more agitated. “Two hours. Two hours, Karen. Why is she in there that long? I mean, I know we gave her a lot of questions to ask, but why–”

Suddenly the door to his room opened, and the teenager came wandering out with the stack of paper and her own notes. The trio took a quick glance at each other before surrounding her with questions.

“What happened?/You okay?/What took so long?”

Matt’s nose picks up the salt on her skin, the dryness in her eyes and frowns. “Kai? What happened?” He asks, worriedly.

She nods slowly, trying to find her words. “I’m okay.” Truth. “Really. I just… we shared a lot… personally, so…” Truth. She cracks a small smile while holding up the notes. “I got a lot of information back.” She hands it to Karen, who quickly reads it over. “Hope that helps.”

“Kaila, this is… amazing.” The blonde says, as she tilts the pages towards Foggy for him to read. “It wasn’t too uncomfortable?” 

“It was at the beginning, but–” She shrugs. “Despite the certain level of unhinge-ness, he’s actually a really nice guy. He’s definitely someone that loved his family with all his heart.”

“That’s good to hear.” Matt said, finally letting go of the breath he was holding. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Kaila hums. “You worry too much.”

“I worry not enough.” He pulls her in for a side hug which she immediately melted into. 

“So, you gave him our opinions on how the case should go?” Foggy asks, looking away from the notes to the teen. “How is he pleading? Is it still the same?”

Kaila takes a deep breath and says, “Guilty.” Her response made everyone happy and congratulated her. Her smile grows at the compliments. “So, when’s the hearing?”

“It’s not even mid-day yet, so…” He looks over his watch. “We could get this started?” His friends nod their heads as he begins flagging the detective down. “Hey, Brett! Can I have a minute?”

“I’m not even appropriately dressed for court.” Kaila mumbles, looking down at herself.

“Well, if we have time, I can swing by my place. I think there’s a dress you can fit into.” Karen replies, after fast thinking. “It’s a dark green color if that works.”

“Yeah, I’ll take anything that’s not a hoodie and ripped jeans right now.”

“That’s very nice of you, Karen.” Matt said, showing his pearly whites.

“You know me.” She chuckles. “I try.” 

“Guys–” Foggy says, getting their attention. He gives them a thumbs up. “We’re good. In a few hours everything should be A-Okay.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

It was definitely NOT A-Okay.

You could hear a pin drop all of a sudden in the courtroom. Behind the defendant’s bench, Kaila stared with her big brown eyes as her father’s client repeated the words he was NOT supposed to be saying. Pinch me, I’m dreaming. Pinch me, I’m dreaming. Pinch me–

“I plead not guilty.” Frank says once more, as everyone starts muttering in the room with disbelief. “You hear that, witch?!” His eyes blow wide with rage. “I’m gonna watch you burn right along with me. You hear me?!”

The judge’s gavel hits down on his desk immediately. “Counselor, please control your client.”

“Do you hear me?!”

“Frank…” Kaila whispers, as her father gets up to his feet with an apologetic look. 

“I’m sorry, Your Honor.” Matt says, bowing his head in shame as Frank came down off his rage tangent. 

The judge narrows her eyes, looking between the room as she says, “The defendant has entered a plea of not guilty. Due to the nature and severity of the crimes he is accused of, bail is denied. A court date will be set upon consultation with the DA’s office. We are adjourned.”

The gavel hits again, and everyone in the room starts leaving; While officers in groups of two came over a re-shackled Frank before taking him away.

“I thought you said he was fine?” Foggy said, turning around to his Niece. 

“H-He was.” Kaila said, still in shock. “He promised me he was going to plead guilty.”

“Then what the fuck changed his mind?”

“M-Maybe he just wants the truth. About Grotto, about his family, about the– the cover-up. I mean, if we go to trial, then it all comes out, right?”

“There’s no ‘if’. This is happening. Trial of the century. Everything’s about to change.” He grunts. “Fuck.”

As Karen tries to calm Foggy down, Matt had come over to sit next to his kid. He could practically feel the guilt pooling off of her. 

“It’s not your fault.” He says, as she shakes her head.

“How did this happen?” She whispers. “W-We had such a good talk, Dad.”

“Kaila–”

“Do you think Reyes got to him during the transportation? Or somebody else?”

He frowns. “I don’t know, but… he seemed a lot more angry today. Nervous, too.”

“That’s an odd combo.”

“Yeah.”

She sighs. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault.” He heard her sigh again, muttering an ‘ok’. His heart aches at how defeated she sounds. “Come here.” He pulls her in for a much needed hug. “Everything will be okay.”

“Dad…” She says, relaxing in his embrace like she did back at the hospital.

“Everything will be okay, baby girl. We’re going to make this work.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The court date was a few days later. The media had exploded. The good and the bad had circled around the law firm. The trio were cooped up for hours in the office, trying to figure out how to get Frank a better sentence that wouldn’t lead to death. All while this was going on, Kaila had moved on to the last few steps in PT. Now on this fateful day, dressed in a nice blouse and skirt, she practices with her new walking stick out in the halls of the courthouse, waiting to be allowed inside. 

She curses under her breath when she slipped a little, muttering, “Easy, my ass. This is a lot harder than the crutches.” She was so focused on the stupid cane she didn’t even notice someone standing behind her snickering.

“You cosplaying as an old man now?” Jayden says, getting her to turn around.

Her face lights up at the surprise. “More like cosplaying my father. Wait. What are you doing here?” She asks, taking note of him dressing elegantly…? The freshly pressed suit and tie was not something she ever expected to see him in. Even his messy curls had been fixed nicely. He looks so…

“You told me you were going to be stuck all day in the courtroom. Thought you might want some company.” He explains, surprising her more.

“You… you sure?” Kaila asks, with a small frown. “These things tend to vary in time, you know? Could be five minutes, could be twelve hours.”

He waves the statement off. “Yeah, well, I don’t mind. And besides, I could learn a few things.”

She laughs. “That’s… that’s very true.” Her smile returns fastly. “This is quite the play date then.”

“Oh, is that what we’re calling this now?” Jayden asks, raising a playful eyebrow.

“I think so.” She teases, copying his expression.

“Hey, Kai!” Her father’s voice broke through, her attention turning on him and the two others walking over to where she was. “It’s about to start. You sure you want to stay in there?”

“Like I said, Dad, I’ll be fine. I want to see how this goes.” Kaila says, shrugging. It takes a second for her to realize that they’re all looking at the person next to her and waiting for an explanation.  “Oh, uh, guys, this is Jayden. My friend from work.”

“Hi, everyone.” The boy says, with a wave. 

“Oh!” Foggy perks up upon recognizing the name. “I talked to you on the phone the other night.” He shakes the teen’s hand gracefully. “Foggy Nelson. It’s finally nice to put a voice to a face.”

“Pleasure to do the same, Mr. Nelson.”

“I’m Karen. I work with them.” The blonde says, with a smile, shaking his hand as well.

“Pleased to meet you, Miss Karen.”

“And this is my Dad, Matthew, or Matt.” Kaila replies, gesturing to him. 

“Hi, Mr. Murdock. It’s nice to meet you.” Jayden says, holding his hand out as Matt subtly picks up on something. It was only interrupted when Foggy whispers, 

“His hand’s out.” 

“Ah. Nice to meet you.” Matt plays it off like he always does, taking it in his palm and giving it a shake. Upon the physical contact and release, the feeling of something crossed his mind again immediately. It must have shown in his face, because–

“You okay, Mr. Murdock?” Jayden asks, worrying that he did something wrong.

“Uh, n-no.” He shakes his head. “Sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind today. Um–” He moves his hand around in the air, trying to pull the right words out. “You’ve got quite the grip.”

“Oh, uh–” The teen chuckles. “Yeah. I’ve been told that. Um, so…” He looks between the four of them curiously. “What’s this case y’all defending?”

“Oh, it’s a doozy.” Foggy said, mentally cursing.

“Um, you’ve heard of Frank Castle on the news?” Kaila asks, making his olive eyes go wide.

“...Holy shit.”

“Yep.” She nods. “Perfect reaction. You’re in for a treat. I’ll fill you in on some stuff while we wait. Uh–” She gives the adults reassuring expressions. “Break a leg. You’ll do great.”

“Thanks, Kai.” Karen says, putting up a happy front as well. “That’s all we can do.”

The teenagers break away, Kaila even briefly reaching up to squeeze her Dad’s shoulder for more reassurance. Foggy and Karen both took deep breaths as they started the list of mental preparation from the top again.

“Alright, alright, alright.” Foggy whispers, and picks up his briefcase off the floor. “Let’s do this.” He waves for Karen to start the trek. “Lady’s first. Matt, let’s–” He starts reaching for his best friend’s arm, only stopping when he notices how in thought he looked. “Matt? Matt?” He starts reaching again. “Hey–”

Matt turns his head towards Foggy upon feeling the tap on his arm. “Huh?”

“You alright? What’s going through your head? Nerves?”

“No. Not nerves. It’s… It’s Kai’s friend.”

“Jayden? What about him?” Foggy starts to get worried. “Is he bad news?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s…” How would Matt explain it? “His… hand shake, t-the grip… the cadence of his voice, it’s…” Where was going with this? “He smells… familiar.” Maybe he’s just being paranoid. “But I can’t figure out why.”

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

The first day in court went better than they expected. The opening statement went flawlessly (Unless you count Foggy nervously sweating throughout his half). They even got to present their witness(es) list, and even DA Reyes got herself into a bit of a pickle so… Yay! Jazz hands. 

Now since that was wrapped up, the adults had headed over to the office to compare notes and write down their next few statements, while the two teens went over to the next block for a bit to eat. 

“So… who’s this Tepper guy again?” Jayden asks, as they wait for their names to be called from the foot counter. He was trying to wrap his head around everything he’s seen today as the Young Murdock was kind enough to explain the thing’s he didn’t understand.

“Tepper is apparently the guy who did the autopsy for Mr. Castle’s family. Which Castle claims is wrong, so my Dad and them will bring that up, and hopefully bring Tepper to stand. You know, to try to get him to crack.” She replies, as he nods his head.

“Gotcha.”

“Then, they’re also going to get him an even better sentence by presenting to the court that he suffers from PTSD due to his time at war. Which was retriggered after his family was killed.”

“Gotcha. Man…” He shifts his weight around with a worried look. “They definitely got their hands full with this one.”

“Definitely.” She agrees, shortly afterwards their names were called. They soon slid into a booth with their trays.

“So, on a different note, I meant to ask.” Jayden starts, after getting comforting. “That woman who came to your house the other night. Who was she?”

“Oh, don’t worry about it.” Kaila replies, brushing the thought of her off. “She’s an old, crazy flame of my Dad. Who apparently was still hung up on him so… yeah.” She starts to take a sip of her drink, but stops to add, “But don’t worry, she didn’t do anything to me. She just wanted to ask questions.”

“But still…” He makes a face. “Yikes.”

“Yeah.” She shrugs. “I, uh, appreciate you calling my Uncle though. He called my Dad, and they came over quickly.”

“No problem. I think anyone with the right mind would have done that.”

“You’d be surprised.”

“So, he’s your Uncle?” Jayden asks, and starts eating.

Kaila finishes chewing to say, “Not biologically. My Dad met him in college, roommates, and uh, they just hit it off. My Dad was immediately adopted into Foggy’s family so… yeah.”

“I take it he has a big family?”

“Oh, yeah.” She grins at the memories of them. “There’s my Uncle Theo, his wife, Sissy, and their three kids; And then there’s Grandpa Edward, and Grandma Anne.”

He quirked an eyebrow up at her enthusiasm. “Are they lawyers, too?”

“No.” Her grin grows. “They’re actually butchers.”

“That’s… a twist I wasn’t expecting.”

She snorts. “No one does. But hey, there’s perks of having your own butcher shop. They have the best maple ham around Christmas time.”

“I might have to stop by for a bite.” He says, as she shakes her head ‘Yes’. They fall into a comfortable silence for a sec, before he breaks the ice by saying, “This is a nice play date.”

“Yeah. It is." Another pause. "Can I ask you something now?”

“Go for it.”

“When you came to my house, before we were interrupted, what were you trying to tell me? You mentioned your name.”

“To be honest, Kai…” He shrugs. “Don’t even worry about it.”

She quirks up her eyebrow. “No?”

“No.” He pauses eating to say, “But my name is Jayden, I don’t want you to think it’s not. What I meant is my last name. I just… it doesn’t mean anything anymore if I tell you. So…” Another shrug. “I-I mean… my dad’s not around anymore, so… there’s no weight for it at this moment, you know?”

Kaila notices how uncomfortable he’s getting, to the point where he’s nitpicking at his food. And he looks way paler than a few seconds ago. 

She frowns, worriedly. “Your dad really messed you up, huh?” He nods slowly, looking like a kicked puppy. “You know I wouldn’t care about your past, you know? God knows mine is a little murky, I mentioned that to you, right?”

“Yeah. You did.” He says, meeting her gaze as she tries to find the right words.

“Do you… do you think if we’re closer you would open up more?”

“Probably. Yeah.”

She stops and thinks again, the lightbulb slowly turning on. “Hold your hands up.”

He blinks. “What?”

“Just humor me.” He does, and so does she. “Okay, obviously there’s a reason we met, maybe fate put us together to just be friends, or maybe we meant to help one another, but whatever the reason is, we should try to forge a bond. You know, hanging out outside of a… courthouse.”

“What?” He smirks. “Our playdate at the courthouse wasn’t what friends do?”

She copies her expression. “Definitely not what I had in mind.”

“So, what should we do instead?”

She hums, thinking. “We could go to the movies? Do you like Horror?”

He scoffs playfully. “Who doesn’t?”

That got her to laugh before asking, “If you’re free next week, we should go see something. Let’s get to know each other… little-by-little.”

Jayden smiles. “Little-by-little. I like that. But, uh–” He waves his hands. “What’s this about?”

Now it was her turn to smirk. “Uh, keep your left one up, and use your right to cross your heart.” She demonstrates this. “That way, we can’t break the promise.”

“And if it’s broken?”

“We have permission to knock some sense into one another.” She moves her hands around in a ‘so-so’ way. “That can be metaphorical or literal. Your choice.”

He laughs. “Uh, definitely don’t want to be literal if I don’t have to. Your huge ass family might butcher me for their shop.”

She snorts. “No promise there.”

“Okay.” He nods, and crosses his heart. His soft features grew along with hers. “It’s a promise.” 

•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°

“So, everything’s okay? You guys got all your notes intact?” Kaila asked, while her and her dad walked home in the moonlight; The hot Summer air grew cooler as soon as the sun disappeared, leaving them to stay close for a little warmth.

“Yeah. Everything’s okay. We should be fine in the morning.” Matt replies, his mind had been elsewhere ever since they arrived at the courthouse. It was getting… concerning.

Kai waited until they crossed a busy road to ask, “What’s the matter? I know this case is obviously overwhelming, but I feel like there’s something else going on in that head of yours.” He stays quiet, almost like he was trying to find the words as she continues, “Is it Jayden?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

“Do you have a problem with him?”

“No, I…” He sighs. “Well…”

“Well, what?” She grows worried. “Is he actually bad news?”

“No, no, it’s just… how do I say this?” Matt was struggling to explain it like he did earlier to Foggy. “His handshake, his voice… he smells familiar.”

“Smells Familiar?” Kaila raises an eyebrow. “Dad–”

“What I’m saying is, his natural scent reminds me of someone, and I can’t figure out why.” But he ways this whole conversation off with his free hand. “But that’s not what’s nagging me.”

“Then what is it?”

He inhales sharply, deciding there was no easy way to put this, so he says, “At the hospital, before we went in to talk to Frank, Brett pulled me aside. He told me that… the guy who took you is dead.”

“What?!” She says, pulling them to a stop with her widened eyes. “Dad, why are you telling me this now?”

“Because honestly, it slipped my mind. I was more worried when Frank asked to talk to you, that I just forgot.” He frowns. “Until today when Brett called me.”

She tilts her head. “What did he say?”

“That it was in fact not natural causes. It was… morphine. Apparently a far higher dose than you’re supposed to give a patient in pain.”

She sighs, closing her eyes for a second. “Jesus. Do… do they have a suspect? A witness?”

“They don’t know. The nurses who worked with them swear that they’ve never touched that IV since he went into a coma. No one says they haven’t seen anyone go into his room that isn’t staff, but stranger things have happened.”

“Geez. No wonder your head’s in the clouds. You’re trying to play detective right now.”

“Yeah.” He nodded, the bitterness was starting to come through the cracks. “I’m just sick of this. This past month has been… shitty. Nothing is adding up. This, Frank’s family death, even… Elektra’s situation, it’s j-just all… sh-shit. I’m tired of it.”

Kaila sighs again, more quiet this time as she pats her dad’s arm. “Let’s… Let’s take this one step at a time. Let’s worry about Castle first. Let’s try to get him out of the death penalty, then, when the time’s right, we’ll tackle this whole kidnapping thing. For all we know, it was just a crazy ass dude who got it into his head that Nelson and Murdock didn’t help his brother.” She shrugs. “That’s it. Okay?”

He exhales again, and nods (Admitting she’s right) “Okay. Castle first.”

She smiles. “Castle first.” They start their walk again. “I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed.”

He chuckles. “Yeah, same. Took our freaking landlord long enough to fix the door.”

“Surprise he ain’t charging you for it, you trashed it pretty hard.”

“I’m surprised as well.” They made their way inside the building, riding the rickety elevator up to the top floor and making it down the hallway; Matt fumbling for the keys in his pocket. “I know you ate, but if you’re still hungry, I was going to make something for myself.”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m pretty stuffed.” She replies, entering the house. “I was thinking maybe before bed we could–”

“Took you long enough.” 

The Murdocks froze as soon as they entered the living room. Standing just outside their bathroom was a much older man, snow white hair and bright blue eyes that seemed to look through them despite not being able to see. Kaila felt her father stiffen at her side, and that anger was pushed at full force through his protective barrier. 

Stick just brushed off their silence, walking towards Matt’s room with a bunch of towels while saying, “Come on, I need your help to stop the poison.”

The father-daughter duo stayed still, both trying to process this in their own ways before in unison replying, 

“What the fuck.” 

-Taglist is open if anyone wants to join-

@stinkywhore @invinciblerikkai @glass-ghost

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[pseudophan]

nora can i just ask… WHAT was he thinking? how was that lie ever going to work when they were doing everything so publicly in 2009? sure you can delete stuff but he must have known it was still out there anyway right? isn’t it pointless to be like i didn’t watch his videos when he was commenting on the interactive adventures like his life depended on it ?? he was trying to convince people he just happened to be in manchester one day with a friend and he just saw phil ???? when we all saw you counting down the days to meeting each other online like WHAT

https://x.com/pinofdnp/status/1855973085771387187?s=46

tweet link (it's one of the infamous 'we met through a mutual friend' claims)

to be fair to them both, if the phandom wasn't as unhinged as it was (is) they could've gotten away with that lie. kind of. dan and phil are hardly pr experts but this isn't really too crazy a move, like yeah the people who know the truth will always know the truth but if you tell a lie enough times then in theory new fans, and people who just never looked into it, are gonna go with your version of events and not question it. the main issue for dan and phil specifically was that their fanbase was essentially built on and around speculation about their relationship and cataloguing any and all proof of it. new fans and casuals often believed the lie at first just because like, why wouldn't they, but the second they stepped foot into the phandom they obviously discovered the not-so-hidden truth, because you didn't have to be a shipper or be looking for Phan Proof in order to come across it, all you had to do is search dan and phil on literally any website with a prominent phannie presence

to their credit they seemed to realise it wasn't gonna work pretty quickly, they abandoned the 'mutual friend' story almost immediately it feels like. then they went with the 'yeah we met online but we met up to collaborate' angle but i kind of feel like they didn't go too hard on that one, probably because they had finally started to learn that Oh My God Say Less Please Say Less Always Say Less Stop Talking Jesus Christ. like by far the most damning part of the clip in the tweet is dan insisting on being like "a lot of people seem to think-" about the actual truth like girl why would you plant that idea in the heads of those who hadn't heard it before. just say you met through a mutual friend and move on like fbsdhjfbdjksf. also at that point they kinda didn't give a fuck anymore, by the time they gave that infamous editing tips interview in 2015 they had long since abandoned trying to convince anyone they didn't meet because dan was an amazingphil fan and desperately wanted to befriend him because of it. the only part they were trying to hide at that point i would say was the whole y'know, fucking and sucking of it all

this whole reply is way too rambly and idk if it makes sense but i guess my point is IF dan and phil had a more casual core viewerbase (and also didn't give up on the lie immediately. and dan was less blatantly defensive about it) they probably could have made it work in the long run, even with the amount of evidence against it. i would go as far as to say that if not every then at least nearly every single influencer/celebrity/public figure of any kind have readily available information about them out there that most people, even fans of theirs, don't know about literally just because they wouldn't think to search for it. like how often does a Major Scandal break about some celeb and some people in the comments are like yea this has been known since 2004 everyone just stopped talking about it, lmao. not that dnp being gay for each other is a scandal but you know what i mean

basically they started telling that lie just as their popularity skyrocketed and i guess the hope was that the massive influx of new people would allow them to rewrite history, but alas...

[dr-spectre]

Ranting about Salmon Run...

As someone who loves this mode and thinks it's the best multiplayer mode in Splatoon 3. The scale system in it is dogshit and needs to change in the next game. It's genuinely awful and terrible game design in my opinion.

In order to get scales you must encounter a King Salmonid, the amount of scales you get is determined by your current rank and if you win or lose. Now to even get to a King Salmonid, you must do several matches to increase the chance of encountering one. Guess how long each Salmon Run match is... 300 seconds/5 minutes. Actually it's a little bit longer than that because you have to take into account queuing times, the wait time at the start of the match and the 10 seconds you get to prepare in each round.

Let's say you need to do 5 matches to even encounter the King Salmonid, you have to go through a little over 25 to 30 MINUTES to get a CHANCE to fight the king. AND GUESS WHAT! EVEN IF THE ICON IS FULL! THERE'S STILL A CHANCE YOU WON'T EVEN GET TO FIGHT A KING!!! WHY!??!? WHY IS IT LIKE THAT!??! I WENT THROUGH 5 MATCHES WHEN THE BAR WAS FULL AND YET I DIDN'T ENCOUNTER A KING AT ALL!!!! IT WAS A GIANT WASTE OF TIME!!!!!! (aside from ability chunks i guess) I GOT OTHER GAMES TO PLAY!!!!!

This icon is a fucking lie, a god damn lie i tell you! Even if it's full, your other teammates have to have theirs full as well apparently. So.. YAY! AWESOME! ughhhh........

Now let's talk about when you actually get the scales, there's a very high chance you will get barely any scales because you lost and you're in a low rank, OR, you won't get a single gold scale for several Xtrawaves. Meaning you have to go through the process of building up the meter again and again AND AGAIN to get a chance to get a single fucking gold scale. Do you see the issue here? The insanely long grind? It's fucking horrible.

Oh yeah and by the way, the chance of you getting a gold scale gets higher when you're in a higher rank, however this becomes an issue when you realise that the higher ranks are REALLY REALLY hard and it's near impossible to make it to the Xtrawave unless you have an amazing team. So yeah, good luck trying to maintain a high rank and actually beat the King Salmonid to get a chance of getting a gold scale!!!!!!!

Man... This is giving me a god damn headache.

Now, let's talk about the rewards you get. I'm gonna come right out and say it, you are never EVER getting any of these rewards.

Unless you actually hack the game or you abandon every aspect of your life just to get a bunch of fucking pngs for your splashtag, you will never EVER EVER EVER GET THEM! They are flat out impossible and if you see someone have any of these, they are a hacker and need to get reported.

And the gear that people actually want, well... LOOK AT THIS!

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY 800 BRONZE SCALE ITEMS!??! WHY?!?!?! WHYYYY?!!?!? Sometimes in Xtrawaves you may not even get 10 OF THESE! SO WHY MAKE IT TO WHERE MOST OF THE GEAR PEOPLE ACTUALLY WANT 800 GOD DAMN SCALES??!? If you got like 30 or 50 each time then maybe it would make sense, BUT NO! IT'S LIKE 5 TO 12!! WHYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been playing this game since launch and i only have the Octoleet Armor. THAT IS IT! There is a difference between rewarding the player and just doing monotonous grinding.

I am glad that Splatoon doesn't do what other games do nowadays and just has microtransactions to skip through grinding and pay an insane fee for currency. But like... Overwatch 2 is less grindy than this, you can comfortably get skins in that game for characters you like just by doing challenges and playing a bit of the game every day, and that game has SKINS THAT COST 58 BUCKS AUD!

That's all i wanted to say, I'm getting a headache just typing this because my god man, this is just awful game design and a poor way of rewarding the player and keeping retention time. Truly awful.

[hylaversicolor]

the big eva and ocelot meta, or: how to use religious iconography and symbolism in a godforsaken, cunt serving, and incredibly transgender way

this meta started out as a way for me to learn more about ocelot by looking at eva. and then it turned into the opposite, i guess. because ocelot never, ever speaks directly about his motivation, except for one time at the beginning of mgs2 when he says he’s glad sergei noticed that he’s abandoned mother russia, and even then he hides through ambiguous wording and camera angles. (x) everything else we learn about ocelot is from other characters or is obfuscated by conflicting personas or both. we know why he does what he does (he was obsessed with big boss, eva says) yet he doesn’t state this in his own words. but you can use eva to analyze ocelot, and vice versa. during mgs3 they are both mysterious philosopher agents with ties to the book of genesis sent to help snake on his mission, often with nearly identical dialogue. (x, x) so in mgs3 when eva says “snake, huh. well, i’m eva… are you here to tempt me?” we can assume ocelot feels something similar. when eva says “don’t die on me” at rassvet, we’re meant to remember that moment when ocelot says the same thing to snake in the sewers, many scenes later. and when eva says “when i’m riding, the wind hits me so hard that it hurts. that pain keeps my mind off the pain of having to be someone else. it's not easy always fooling myself like this. it's only when i’m on the bike that i’m free to be the real me.” it’s in the back of our minds when ocelot also rides a bike later on. of course they are not exactly alike; the bike means something different to eva than it does to ocelot, and besides, ocelot is younger, less experienced, more hotheaded. eva, for all her cleavage, is reserved.

taking a detour for a moment to address the ocelot drag king thing that went around twitter recently. shinkawa and kojima noted that mgsv ocelot’s design was meant to inspire such questions from the player “like ‘is that a man or a woman, a woman dressing as a man’ kind of thing,” or “something like takarazuka” (x), japanese western-style theater “with all-female performers” (x). here’s a passage from jennifer robertson’s “the politics of androgyny in Japan: sexuality and subversion in the theater and beyond,” describing takarazuka:

The femininity embodied and enacted by the musumeyaku serves as a foil for the masculinity of the otokoyaku. Much of the training of the Revue actors involves learning a vocabulary of gendered gestures, movements, intonations, speech patterns, and the like. An otokoyaku, for example, must stride forthrightly across the stage, her arms held stiffly away from her body, her fingers curled around her thumbs. In contrast, a musumeyaku pivots her forearms from the elbows, which are kept pinned against her side, constraining her freedom of movement and consequently making her appear more "feminine." In keeping with the patriarchal values informing the Takarazuka Revue, musumeyaku have represented the fictional Woman with little if any connection to the actual experiences of females. The otokoyaku, however, have been actively encouraged to study the behavior and actions of men offstage (as well as in films) in order to more effectively idealize men on stage, be they samurai or cowboys. Personal or contrary motivations and desires aside, both musumeyaku and otokoyaku are the products of a masculinist imagination in their official stage roles. (American Ethnologist, August 1992, vol. 19, issue 3, pg 423)

if, like all things with ocelot, we take this concept and run with it to eva, then ocelot is the takarazuka otokoyaku and eva is the musumeyaku. it’s all a performance. it’s all camp.

ocelot performs masculinity. he is (arguably) a gay character who lives and breathes his own interpretation, informed by the spaghetti westerns he watched and absorbed as a teenager, of the most idealized embodiment of western masculinity in existence: the american cowboy. his movements, his bravado, his persona are all exaggerated in mgs3. but his performance is also a mask behind which he hides his true self. ocelot physically conceals his whole body; his red gloves are his trademark. eva, by contrast, shows off her body. but while ocelot hides himself by hiding his skin, eva hides herself - crucially - by showing skin. and while ocelot's whole Cowboy Thing is him performing a fantasy version of masculinity, the opposite is true for eva. she is performing femininity just as much as ocelot is performing masculinity, only instead of playing a western cowboy dandy, she’s doing an over-exaggerated femme fatale. they are both acting. they are both camp. ocelot’s masculinity is rooted in westerns; eva’s femininity is, presumably, rooted in whatever charm school training the philosophers must have given her.

this juxtaposition informs the way their roles play out throughout the course of snake eater. ocelot can go off and do whatever; he has more freedom by taking on the persona of a man. eva is more limited in her performance, confined to a pseudo-caregiver role. she must support snake, care for him, give him food items. during the interrogation scene she is the one who is forced to step in and intervene, because out of all the players in the room, the personality she’s crafted for her role is most suited to sensitivity to snake’s torture. (x) she uses her vulnerability to exploit her enemies, turns people’s preconceived notions about her against them. ocelot and volgin both underestimate her; when she successfully evades volgin on the bike, and bests ocelot in hand to hand combat, these are not traditionally feminine activities, yet they are the things she truly excels at. also ocelot has had everything put together for him, even if he doesn’t see this. (x) he has been given incredible privilege at a terrible price. eva doesn’t even have that privilege. she is working to support snake completely on her own.

yet even though eva is unfailingly on snake’s side throughout the game, helping him, giving him items, often physically close to him, seducing him, etc., she betrays him in the end. ocelot is the opposite. he is farther away; he often watches rather than intervenes when snake is in trouble. it’s not obvious that he’s been on snake’s side the whole time. and yet by the end of the game, where eva (who had gotten the closest to him) betrays snake, ocelot (who had been farther away) does not. this speaks to mgs3’s theme of “there is no such thing as a timeless enemy” - also because after the events of the game, snake and eva (though parting ways as enemies) end up as allies again, and eva and ocelot, who had been enemies in the game, become allies as well, and remain allied for life.

ultimately, due to eva’s role being confined to a traditionally feminine one in mgs3, ocelot emerges as a more compelling character. behind that femme fatale persona, though, there is a lot going on. a lot of it, i think, relates to the way eva was raised as a charm agent. as a result of her philosopher training, she can only think of human relationships in absolutes. she equates sex and love in her mind and cannot conceptualize ambiguity:

eva: do you love her? snake: no, nothing like that. eva: do you hate her? snake: does it have to be one or the other - love or hate? eva: between a man and a woman? you bet. […] eva: you were interested in the boss. snake: she was different. eva: really? how do you feel about me? snake: i should be asking you the same question. eva: me? i can fall in love - if it's part of the mission. even with you.

this is meant to be a callback to mgs1, but it’s also eva in her element, in action, working. she unzips her top as she says these lines, revealing her breasts. there’s some meta commentary here about eva fooling or charming the player, using her own sexuality as a weapon, but still being objectified nonetheless because kojima wrote her to do this. in the context of the game, yes this is eva acting of her own accord, molding her appearance and mannerisms to appeal to her target, but she is doing so as a result of philosopher training. this isn’t eva’s true self, not really. the only place she feels free to be her true self is when she’s on her bike, with the wind hitting her so hard “that it hurts.” we see eva performing increasingly risky bike stunts as mgs3 goes on. i think the stress of playing her role only continue to increase as time went on throughout operation snake eater. but not because of being forced to fool john: i think she took some pleasure in that. rather:

eva: the boss was the only one i couldn't fool. she was the only one who knew i was a fake. she told me everything. why did she open her heart to me like that? at the time, i couldn't understand it. but now I think I do. snake, she wanted you to know the truth. she chose me to tell you. that's why she saved my life. i’ve lied to you so many times, but not this time. my orders from the government were to obtain the legacy and to eliminate everyone who knew the truth about what happened. in other words, I'm supposed to kill you. but i can't do it. not because we loved each other. and not because you saved my life. but because i made a promise to the boss… and i intend to keep it. i just wanted you to know. and… you have to live.

because the boss was the one person to understand her, to look at her and see that at her core, she, like ocelot, is the embodiment of a 404 error. but this lack of self, or lack of recognition of the self, ironically, is what makes her human. the boss looks at her and instantly sees that the only way she can feel anything at all is to ride her bike so hard that the wind hurts her. she sees the pain of having been transformed into a blank slate by the philosophers, ready and willing for anyone’s preconceived notions of femininity to be projected onto her, because the boss went through the same ordeal - but unlike eva, whose earliest memories are presumably of philosopher charm schools, the boss did not start as a blank slate. she had a life, a personality, a family first, and had all that taken away in order for higher powers to reduce her to something malleable and ready to be manipulated for the sake of nations and empires. the boss is eva’s connection, her lifeline from the sterile, casually cruel world inhabited by the children of the philosophers, to the emotions and the messiness and the nuance embodied by the rest of humanity. and this connection goes doubly deep because the boss probably encountered eva in one of the philosopher charm schools while searching for her own son, who she knew had to be at a philosopher facility too.

and by choosing eva as the one to pass on her message to snake, the boss gives eva’s life new meaning, a renewed sense of humanity. in eva’s mind now the boss and snake are connected. she is part of that love the boss had felt for snake, and she inherits it by proxy. i don’t think she loved john as a human being, at least not during mgs3. even after mgs3, i don’t think she comes to understand this connection that the boss and snake had, but she still clings to it. and i think that, just like ocelot who was far away and fixated on snake, once eva is the farthest away that she’s ever been from snake at the end of mgs3, now she becomes fixated on him too. just like ocelot, snake represents humanity to her. their connection is less about love and more about trying to make sense of her own emotions, her personhood. the boss endures and haunts eva into perpetuity because i think she is a reminder of what eva could have had.

big mama: your father never wanted you. i’m sorry. human life isn’t meant to be manipulated like that. i knew that. but—i wanted you.

eva allows her own pursuit of humanity to convince her to do inhumane acts. we know ocelot joined the patriots to stay close to john (the same reason he eventually joined foxhound). eva joined the patriots, i think, because staying close to john brought her closer to the boss. that, i believe, is the reason she wanted the kids so badly. eva in mgs4 is motivated by guilt. we can see that she takes in war orphans as the leader of the paradise lost army (ironically facilitating the creation of more child soldiers, and perpetuating the vision of the philosophers even as she’s trying to dismantle their legacy). in mgs3, eva and ocelot are a pair of young philosopher spies aiding naked snake. in mgs4, eva and ocelot are a pair of aging ex-patriot spies from another time forcibly dragging the past along with them into the present. they both mistake solid snake for naked snake in semi-lucid moments; they share similar last words; they both are ultimately killed by foxdie. they kill and steal and lie and torture and maim, but in their minds it’s all out of necessity. take this analysis of paradise lost by john leonard:

The hostility of Chaos raises troubling questions about God. If God is good, all-powerful, and the ultimate source of matter […] how can we account for the existence of an evil Chaos? An evil Chaos would suggest either that God is not good or that he is not all-powerful. Many critics try to get around this problem by arguing that Milton’s Chaos (despite appearances) is not evil but good. (Introduction, Paradise Lost, Penguin, 2003)

zero, by mgs4, is the alpha and the omega. he has surpassed the limitations of his moral body and become an all-seeing, all-knowing system of AIs: in the metaphor of adam, eve, and the snake, zero is god. we can see that eva feels somewhat complicit in this transformation: “zero created the patriots to manage and control the american state […] but i am partly to blame. i bear some of the guilt for creating the organization.” ocelot’s feelings are less apparent.

back to the beginning of this essay: ocelot only explains himself once throughout the entire game series, and while he does, the camera conceals his face. importantly, his red gloves are gone in mgs4. his black gloves show us that this isn’t ocelot anymore. but since his fingers are uncovered, we can infer that ocelot is in there somewhere and he is speaking his truth. so when liquid says “cigars… father's favorite.” that’s really ocelot (with the cigar blocking his face…there’s so much in that) saying “cigars…john’s favorite.” when liquid says, “snake, we were created by the patriots. we're not men: we're shadows in the shape of men. […] the patriots saw fit to create us, and in doing so became our only raison d'etre […] so long as we both live, the world will not know an age of light […] the only choice left to us is death." that is ocelot saying “when i saw what the patriots had done, my only reason to exist became to take them down.” when liquid screams “do you see this, zero?” that is 100% ocelot saying, “watch us, zero, we’re going to undo everything you did to john.” and when liquid gives this odd, regretful glance after the confrontation at the river, (x) i think that is ocelot reacting (albeit late) to eva saying, “adam…” a scene prior.

john: ocelot and eva wanted two things…to bring me back to life, and to end the patriots. […] for me, and for them […] nothing was more important.

in the words of steak bentley, mgs4 shouldn’t have been about big boss. (x) i agree. forcing everything to connect back to big boss and to zero shrinks the universe, imbues the story with this weird predestination, makes everybody’s contributions to the plot feel less significant, weakens both mgs4 and mgs3 in hindsight by showing the writers’ lack of faith in their new material.

but you can also look at it in a meta sense of ocelot and eva saying “this story’s not done yet, i’m still going to get revenge on big boss’s behalf. this is going to be about big boss whether you all like it or not.” metal gear solid 4 is really the story of two people who loved big boss so much and carried so much guilt over the part they played in zero’s betrayal that they created this entire overly convoluted plot to make john relevant again. the irony of it is that if they had just let him fade into obscurity (the first time, after snake eater) the LET project might not have even happened at all. by mgs4 i think they both recognized this. and yet they continued to drag it out - understanding, i think, on some level, that they were doing it all essentially for nothing. and through eva and ocelot’s actions, john ends up getting….not exactly a redemption, but at least closure. i don’t know if it’s warranted or even deserved, but he gets it nonetheless. and still eva and ocelot spend most of their time away from big boss and die without seeing him again. the thought that john would be able to survive, that he would endure and live and reconcile with solid, get one final moment of “i understand.” at the boss’s grave - this kept eva and ocelot going for decades.

by the start of mgs4, for eva and ocelot, everyone else is gone. john is out of their reach, the boss has been dead for fifty years, they killed the rest of the patriots themselves after zero betrayed john. the kids that eva had wanted, too, are no good, since liquid is already gone and solid needs to die in order to bring the cycle to a close. the only way they can access their own humanity (that ocelot had found in snake and eva had found in the boss) is through clinging to each other.

big mama: naturally, ocelot and i planned to free [john] from zero's prison. we enlisted naomi hunter, an authority in the field of nanomachine research, into our organization. and we used frank jaeger to kill dr. clark. ocelot tortured the DARPA chief, donald anderson - also known as sigint - to death…and made it look like an accident. […] with para-medic and sigint dead, zero was the only one left. but we, too, paid a price. i lost ocelot. ocelot wasn't fighting for the pentagon, or the russians. and certainly not for zero. he was fighting for big boss. he idolized him.

[pjo-obsessed-nerd]

OMG JULIAN RICHINGS IS EVERYWHERE I LOVE THIS MAN

He's so creep, but he's so good

HAH ANNABETH COMING IN CLUTCH

Percabeth power couple, yes pls

"It's either the realm of the dead, or someone left a carton of milk in there in to 1990's" nah, but that's the fastest way to make me gag about a smell I can't smell 🤣

THE RED RUBBER BALL

"No one comes baaaaaack" I love this man so much ❤

"I just think it's safer if I'm not the one holding them all." That's fair. ya know, as someone who drops her phone regularly, that's relatable.

Those pearls sound ✨ c r u n c h y ✨

IT'S THE SCENE - BABY PERCY 😭😭😭 aww my baby I just want to hug him. I can see it now, I'm gonna bawl like a baby in a few mins

"Not in Kansas...", "Hey, focus, we left Kansas four days ago." Reminder she hasn't seen a movie, points for continuity ❤

Grover squeezing that ball omg

Poor Grover, it's ok 😭

"Only suckers wait in line" 🤣🤣

"You're not dead.", "I mean, we're all dying... To some extent." He's a comedian 🤣

The silent whistle admittedly gave me chills; I can just see the horror on Annabeth's face. CERBIE!!!!

Run

CERBERUS LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL OMG HE'S EVEN MORE GORGEOUS THAN I IMAGINED AHHH

GROVER NO

i just screamed a little... Oh, my sister is gonna cry

aww, Cerbies TOO cute, the little whines omg I'm gonna DIE. Annabeth giving him scratchies aww even though she's terrified. Percy is impreased

I am a Rottweiler lover at heart, so I'm just obsessed with Cerberus I'm not sorry

OH GROVER EW; Thank god he's okay

Oh, ik how they get separated I bet 😭 JUMP SCARE OH

Aww Annabeth threw him the ball such a good puppy omg

Is. Is Cerberus wearing a leather jacket? Or is that leather armor? I can't tell 🤣

Annie lore drop 🥲 grovers so impressed tho

IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED AHH

"I think it's... It's in the dog." His name is Cerbie. /jk

Percy, baby, what did you draw that upset someone so much? He's just a BABY. I WILL FIGHT THIS HEADMASTER TOOTH AND NAIL IT'S A PEGASUS SIR.

Grover, stop guilting yourself sir

OH jeez what tf.

Man I guessed Asphodel, and I was fucking right. My Mythology teacher would be so proud. This is such a haunting take on Asphodel omg. That's terrifying.

run

WHERE ANNABETH

NO SHE'S STUCK NO SWORD SWORD CUT IT CUT CUT CUT KNIVES PPL YOU HAVE KNIVES USE THE KNIVES

"I trust your dad." Athena ain't gonna be happy about this one, ladies and gents. 🤣🥲😭

Annie's gone, and i stg if we lose grover I'm done

GROVER

PERCY MOVE IT

Nah, Riptide looks sick tho. Pretty sure that's the first time we've seen it in good lighting

THE BOLT

so r we not gonna see Hades..?

"Is this?", " No.", "I, I mean it looks like-" "it, it absolutely is not.", "Okay. So... what is it then?", "Yeah, that's the master bolt!" This exchange was so funny 🤣

The pieces r fitting together... Hehe

"Zeus is just gonna have to wait." HELL YA, STICK IT TO HIM, GROVER, THAT'S MY BOY!!! Grover reminding Percy exactly why he chose Grover, his best friend, to come on this quest in the first place. ❤

Sad Baby!Percy 😭 that's a lotta ice cream for such a tiny boy

"Why are you trying so hard to get rid of me?" GOD MY ABANDONMENT ISSUES HAVE BEEN TRIGGERED, I NEED TO PROTECT THIS CHILD FROM THE WORLD NOO

"I would never do this to you." THE LINE DELIVERY, GET THIS BOY AN OSCAR... AND A FUCKING HUG

sally avoiding the topic and crying, I wanna hug her too. She's trying so hard.

Hades palace is gorgeous, damn.

Are we gonna get to see the Furies again???

Percy's hands must hurt from how hard and how constantly he clenches them fists damn.

Who tf-

HADES IS SO NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. I was expecting a rocker dude, but I love the "silk robe, manicured hair". Man's got class.

"I admire the cut of your jib." Ok maybe not what WAS that 🤣

He's way less scary than I expected, tbh.

Is he wearing heels? It sounds like he's walking in heels

SALLY'S A GOLD STATUE NOW??? Sally reaching out for him 😭 I'm done. I'm done.

"What did you do to her?" I can sense the rage coming

Percy 😭

babe, Hades was so confused. He just wants to be left alone, such a mood tho. Percy's so confused

PIECES. P I E C E S. IT'S A PUZZLE PPL

"But that voice, it definitely did not sound like you." That an insult or a compliment, I deadass can't tell 🤣

Ok... Hades is being very generous, but what's the catch here? This feels sus. Oh. There. Run. pearls. now.

"Hold fast, mom." HOLD FAST MOM YESSSSSS

Sad Sally 😭 What's happening rn

NO. NO. IS THAT

I'M GONNA SCREAM. WATER DADDY- sorry

"Tell me why", "you don't wanna hear why." Fair, fair 🤣

Nah, Poseidon's actor fits the bill so well in my mind. Like. Mm.

Poseidon rlly does care.

"His mother raised him well." Damn right!

OH THIS FIGHT FINNA BE SO GOOD

Hehehehehehehehehe

IT SO GOOD AHH I'M GONNA SCREAM NEXT EPISODE O. M. G.

[transmurderbug]

🍂Weekly Tag Wednesday! 🍂

I'm just in time again! Thank you for the tag Evie @energievie, Nosho @creepkinginc and Ajax @transmickey 💙 and @suchagallabitch for the questions!

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

1. if you could switch bodies with anybody for only one hour who would it be and what would you do? Hmm. Maybe one of my old athlete buddies (or my younger self) so I could run/sprint again. (Plus do a few exercises from some of my favorite disciplines)

2. what's your most trivial / dumbest hot take? The society in which we live in right now should be collapsed and rebuilt completely. The way humans are living today is not how it's supposed to be

3. if you had to teach a college course what would it be in? Photography or etymology

4. season 12 of shameless is suddenly happen and youve been put in charge! what plot point(s) are you gonna make happen? Fiona finally settles with someone and goes to therapy so she doesn't self-sabotage. Lip falls into a healthy routine with his little family and finds peace. Ian and Mickey get a cat. Debbie resolves her abandonment issues and settles with Franny (and possibly with a long term girlfriend). Carl gets the Alibi running as his own bar. Liam stays the same (but goes to therapy) and finds a hobby. Kev and V raise their daughters in peace and are undisturbed and happy. Not all rainbows and sunshine of course, this all would come with a lot of pain and drama. Just because. Oh, and everyone else goes to therapy as well. (But also I would scrape it all and leave everything as it is.)

5. who would be your godly parent? (can be any mythology.) Poseidon (I would also love to ask others what they think, I'd like to hear it)

6. what’s something you love about yourself? The fact that I raised myself to be as open and understanding as possible, when my environment was in a lot of ways the opposite of those

7. describe your day in 5 emojis: 🖥️😶😴📱🐾

8. what shameless character do you think you could beat in a fight? Tommy

9. tell us 2 truths and a lie, we’ll try to guess the lie! Ohm.

I did dressage competitively

I'm 170 cm tall

I went to school for photography and dog training

(I'm so bad at this, I'm sorry)

10. do you have a pet(s). if so how did they get their name? I have a dog named Muri (it means 'spree') and a cockatiel named Pogi

11. show us a meme (or picture) that captures your essence.

12. whats your typical coffee / tea / beverage order? Iced coffee, decaf (caffeine doesn't like me), with milk and sweetener. I also like mint tea, coke and beer

13. use a song to describe the last 5 years of your life?

Huh. I thought so hard about a few of these! 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Since - surprisingly - I'm not late with this one, I'm tagging some cool people. Play, if you want to, if not, here, have this frog 🐸 or this pebble 🪨! @stocious @dynamic-power @lupeloto @jrooc @heymrspatel @ian-galagher @deathclassic @bawlbrayker @juliakayyy @suzy-queued @crossmydna @francesrose3 @thisdivorce @look-i-love-u @deedala @depressedstressedlemonzest @metalheadmickey @gardenerian @spacerockwriting @scurvgirl @palepinkgoat and anyone who happens to see this!

[borathae]

DONE WITH ANOTHER EXAM u know what that means???

Chapter 34

fuck where is yoongi 😭😭😭kook come to ur senses please

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

omg im so scared and nervous i wanna cry even tho its kook being scolded

NO DONT KILL HIM WTF YOONGI NO

“Thanks, but I can manage myself. I did so splendidly in the last two weeks” fr

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

Where are those goddamn band aids FUCKING REAL U CAN NEVER FIND IT WHEN U NEED IT and u will find it in the same room, same drawer a week later 🥲

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

“Stupid bathroom!” you yell, throwing another cabinet closed. #justiceforcabinet2024

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

Is that what Jungkook could have too? 😭😭 yoongi pls dont leave again, i wanna be extra proud of kook

oh kook is sleeping for now (wtf i felt like a mama bird for a second there)

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

Now that he is so close again, you have forgotten everything you had wanted to tell him. oh it wasnt just me lol

“Doesn’t matter, I’m back now”, OK THATS IT FOLKS HE IS GOING TO LEAVE AGAIN 😭😭😭

oh a new plant 😭

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

YOONGI BOONGI YAY HE ACCEPTED IT HAHA CUTIE PIE

“Forget it. I didn’t want to do it anyway”, i was cackling until i remembered this is how i act with mom, oh mom im sorry

YAY THEY ARE GOING GROCERY SHOPPING ALL DOMESTIC shit taehyung my baby 😭😭 THE JACKET RAAAAH

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

ACCEPT THE COMPLIMENT YOONGLES YOURE A PRETTY MF GOT IT???

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

oh this time he answers her questions properly thats a difference hm

WTF OOF DAMN I - (did ever tell u that i love your writing and this bombastic story?)

It is not every day that you watch someone get beheaded or find out that someone wanted to fuck your dead body fr im still shivering and goosebumps are still there.

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

I’ve just lived long enough to have learned the skill.” Tae: 😃 ALSO IM SORRY YOONGI I LOVE THAT YOU CAME BACK but when is tae getting out?? 👉🏻👈🏻 great TAE MY BABY IM SORRY 😭😭 I CANT DO ANYTHING

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

GREAT HE LEFT AGAIN WHERE ARE U NOW

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

OMG YOONGI wait did he just come because of kook, bruh we could have made out like a week ago 😔✊🏻

fjasdjf no he was genuinely in the midst of coming back when he suddenly heard the noises and then just came running 😭

He made you believe that he abandoned you. And now he is back. the entire para just summed up what we all felt Your anger feels so misplaced. Yoongi had a lot going on. After a millennia he felt again. He must have been so overwhelmed. Who knows what guilt and pain he went through those past two weeks. that is also true and idk what to feel aaaah feeling the pain of both people. DAMN U JUST PORTRAYED THAT SO WELL AND SUBTLE I DIDNT EVEN REALIZE IT

NO BUT I AM SO :( FOR BOTH OF THEM :((

You made him turn his emotions on. It was your fault that he left in the first place. Be angry at yourself, that’s what you should do. its not exactly your fault, just a situation that had to happen

the way you can see the learned guilt in her and in everything she does :(

wow why is he so chill all of a sudden *trust issues be working on overtime

I feel like he is just really nervous and trying not to scare her away with too much movement :(((

“Yes?” he exclaims, turning around almost excitedly. sir whats going on?? is it the emotions??? omg he is a pookie pls i love him bing bang boong forgiven already, who left for 2 weeks? nobody, idk such a thing

of course it's the emotions heheh <3 he is in loveeee <3

oh a new plant 😭

HE IS IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is he just staring? Oh dear. He is. PLEASE OUR SHY KITTY 😭😭

I LOVE HIGMMGMGM

Oh how excited he sounds without even noticing that he does. 😭😭 do you want all of us to just cry every damn line? cuz u had done it

jfasdjf me fr fjadsjfa

Yoongi is by your side, pretending to do the same while in reality he was looking at your face the whole time. HA SIMP ALERT (pls simp more we are simping for it)

HE IS SO SWEET AND CUTE AND IN LOVEEEEEE

“It’s not bad”, he agrees. You scoff, “such enthusiasm” Yoongi stumbles after you down the path, grumbling quietly. he is such a tsundere kitty i cant OFC HE LOVES HAND HOLDING NEVER LET GO

no but I love him so much!!!!!!

They are so bloody tiring” mood but numbness is too scary soo..

100% :( gosh my boongie :(

“They’re flowers, I don’t see any difference”, he grumbles, I LOVE HIM AND THE WAY YOU WRITE HIM I LOVE THEIR BICKER OVER SORRY HIS GRANDPA RUN AAAAH *watches a compilation

same same same !!! I love him so much !!!!

damn 1963, my mom wasnt born yet

lmaoa mine was like 2 and my dad 3 kfadkf

no yoongi we dont growl here pls *blinks 😃😄😃 🫠 “he’s having a phase, please ignore him.” A PHASE STOP 😭

THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BAHAHHAHAH

he is trying his hardest to stifle a laugh. THE JOKE PLS I LOVE HER HAHA guess he is going to have a hard time doing that

I LOVE HIM HE IS SO IN LOVEE

WE KISSED IN THE SNOW YIPEE YIPPEEE YIPPEEE YEEHAW HEE HOOO ✨🧚🏻🎆🎇💖😍🤩😻

I genuinely love this chapter so much 😭😭

HOLY SHIT IT WAS A SPY DAMN WE JUST SAW A MURDER i literally just shivered

HE IS SO COOL FOR MURDER THOUGH :)

i love when they do vampire zoom haha

lmaooa me

“Are you manipulating me? she may or may not do that, but can she actually do that to you? yeah she cant so stop saying this

I feel like she can JFAJDFJ he is way too smitten for her JFJADSFJ

i love when they talk, like everything just gets deeper, both her and him, the plot

SAME SAME SAME !!!! I LOVE THEMEEEEEE !!

[ghostcrows]

That being said I do wanna talk about something here because I feel like people here might get it more than other places

I'm really sort of grappling with I guess actually accepting that I heavily exhibit BPD symptoms and have for years, like to the point that regardless of my feelings toward that diagnosis and who gives it out and their reasons for it - and despite my reservations toward any type of official diagnosis -AND despite feeling like I prematurely diagnosed myself as a teen and then avoiding the label altogether - I just want to treat the symptoms so that things can get better.

It's very isolating. I feel things incredibly intensely. It doesn't just go away it rattles my whole body physically for days or weeks. When I get attached to people it becomes unbearable for me and eventually, almost inevitably, for that person too

I struggle with what I think must be splitting, where...I think it's not quite as black and white as splitting is presented as where I absolutely hate someone or I absolutely love someone, but it's very close. Usually it's this conflicting mess of both at the same time, this very ugly place where resentment (founded or unfounded) meets complete idolization. It's not a position anybody deserves to be put in and I try to keep it to myself but, it's hard to hide intense feelings. People can usually tell when you're acting moody and weird even if you think you've got a good handle on it. And its incredibly overwhelming

And of course I've got abandonment issues lol...kind of the root of the whole thing right...and of course it becomes self fulfilling prophecy you know how that is...very annoying. Very unfair

And...I can be meaner than I like to think I'm capable of...it's usually a subtle thing but that's probably honestly worse. It's the kind of mean where I can even convince myself I'm not really being mean..but I am. Like. I'm certainly not being nice...and it comes from honestly usually just not knowing how to communicate that I'm in some weird fucking mood. When you tell people you're in a mood a lot of the time they're like oh whats up what's wrong and sometimes yeah you can talk about it to feel better but sometimes there's just nothing. You're just in some damn ass mood. It has not much to do with anything. And when you're in those moods it's hard to be around people and not be irritable and nasty. But it's also hard to be alone with it. And if you isolate you start to feel like a monster who needs to be locked up so that you don't hurt anybody. It's difficult to constantly be in some weird headspace that alienates you from other people.

And im impulsive in like...not quite as extreme ways as severe BPD but I have been there before where I was doing some of those things. It's more things like sending people 20000 texts a second or just like Reacting without stepping away and then having things immediately escalate. Getting to where I'm angry enough that I break things and i hurt myself. Not being able to sit with an unpleasant feeling. Not being able to handle criticism or rejection well

All of that to say... that it is a struggle and it's something I'm looking for good resources on. I'm trying out some self help DBT workbooks to see if that does anything for me. I don't know if I want to try CBT again I don't know how much it helped before but I know most therapists do CBT now ... I keep hearing about EMDR as some magical fuckin miracle treatment but I still barely know what it is. I'm not currently interested in being on medications but I'm not 100 percent against it either. Im at a crossroads with the very idea of therapy where I do think I need it but I also don't know how much it can realistically do for me or if I can find somethijg or someone that works for me. And also I can't afford it rn lol.

So um, if you struggle with this sort of stuff too just like feel free to DM me because I'd really like to talk about it with people who get it. And if you have anything that has helped you with these types of symptoms please feel free to share it. I will look into it

[111peaches]

LOCAL LONELY MAN IS UNABLE TO EVEN KEEP UP WITH A BLOG

It’s honestly quite insane how discouraging my brain will make starting even the most simple tasks sometimes.

My life although not empty is often busy through the sheer fact that starting things and keeping up routines will always be difficult for me, still I try my best. The past week and some has been nice and very awful at specific points.

Me and Amber have spent lots of time together and yet it’s always hard to be with her when I feel no matter how much she tells me she loves me I will never truly feel happy deep down. Even if in the moment things feel nice with her, I feel awful. Chalk part of this up to my fear of abandonment and lack of social connections with friends.

Aside from Amber’s friends, (which Amber has “assured” me are my friends too), my list of friends is not one that many would call impressive.

This is not a critique of the people themselves but rather an issue I face in regard to their connection to me. Many of my friends are either too distant from me in one of three ways, location, scheduling, and commitment to attention. I have a dear friend of mine, Louis, who despite us not having an insane amount in common we do enjoy talking with one another.

Sadly that’s really all we do now, as he lives quite a distance aways from me country wise.

I have other friends who are some I enjoy spending a lot of time with but they all live very busy lives. So busy that they usually have to prioritize what little time they do have for themselves or with the people they would actually want to spend time with, (not me). I don’t blame them as when your amount of free time is short it only makes sense to spend it with your family, partners, and friends who are closer to you, as these friends too live some distance away although not too far.

Then there’s friends I have who spend their time most often at a place I feel tied to as one of my last few lines of social sanity, let’s call this place Cornerstone Coffee. It’s a nice place to meet people, lots of creatives, my friend Forest of which is one. Me and Forest have a relationship that I feel is very heart draining.

I’ve known Forest back when he was originally a she and actually had a crush on him back then before I really knew a lot about him or “her” at the time. Which is crazy cause we’ve actually hooked up and it was nice but however semi ruined by Forest having to leave to go coddle a crying ex of his.

This is not related too much to the point.

I’ve known him for a long time but despite this like many I’ve gotten to know at Cornerstone, they seem to enjoy my company for a moment or two until they can run off and talk with someone they care more about. Honestly this may have something more to do with a combination of attention disorders and the instant gratification complex of the community that hangs at Cornerstone.

When you live a life where you’ve been mistreated and outcast by society and many a time your own family, as many in the lgbt community have, it’s gratifying to find all these labels to place on yourself and to hear that the only thing that matters is your pursuit of happiness and having what you want no matter what.

I guess the issue I take with this is just that it seems that no one really cares to go out of their way sometimes or to take in account how this affects others because they just want to live more comfortably. I’ve stood by Forest time and time again and have reassured him I’ll always care and be there for him, and I have been for talks and rants and cry sessions. And he has said that the same applies to me but I feel like it isn’t true.

How could it be when every time we call it’s cut short, every time I run into you your attention is elsewhere, and even on the few and far between times where we schedule an actual day to spend together, you switch up last minute and either decide that you must take a nap or drag us to go hang out with your other friends instead of our original plans.

Ultimately it’s lots of “I miss you, we should totally hang soon” and when I make plans they don’t work or are canceled and when I tell you or any others to just let me know whenever you’re able to hang, it’s no response. No response, and of course posting week after week of all the things you’ve done with the friends you actually care about.

That’s all I have right now, I gotta sleep before I get too sad, sorry.

[casspurrjoybell-24]

The Alpha's Beta - Chapter 13 - Part 2

BOOK ONE: The Alpha's Trilogy

*Warning Adult Content*

Valium - Part 2

Alpha Silas Claymore

After that Simon and I part ways, him going to finish his jog and me to go home and relax before I went to the office and inedibility talked to Darren about why he is such a hard ass.

Jeremy had given me some insight yesterday when I had saw him in my office.

He told me about their talk, how Darren didn't have an easy time growing up.

Though both of us don't know why.

It would make sense if Darren had abandonment issues.

I mean I would to if everyone I loved left me.

My mother and father, then shipped to aging grandparent's and being in fear of them dying and as far as I know Darren's Grandmother suffered from spirts of dementia, so that must be scary as well.

I just had to show him I wasn't going to leave him.

That mates were life long, even if both our mothers died early.

I would show him that I'm not that easy to get rid of.   

I walked into the house and almost jumped out of my skin when arms wrapped around me from behind.

If it wasn't for Lucca's scent I probably would have attacked him.

"Of all things to do to a man after he's been attacked and drugged, you sneak up on my from behind?"

I chuckle as I turn around, trying to shake him off.  

Lucca gave me an innocent smile before he dropped his arms and held onto one of my hands.

"I can do a lot more to a man who's been attacked but none of them are scary I can assure you that," he replied, before moving in and kissing my neck.

I sighed and lightly pushed him off before I took his hand and relocated him to the living room.

I didn't want to do this.

I know it wouldn't be easy but I just had to rip the Band-Aid off and break it to him.   

"Listen Lucca. I need to talk to you."

He nodded and sat in the rocking chair, making himself comfortable.

"I don't know how to tell you this. So I'm just going to come right out and tell you... I've found my mate."

I took a deep breath when his face dropped.

I honestly didn't want to find my mate first.

I wanted him to be happy and forget about me before I forgot about him.

I could handle him leaving me but after what he asked me a few weeks back, I know it wouldn't be easy for him.   

He didn't say anything, he got up and started to walk the door but I grabbed his hand before he would leave.

"What Silas?" he seethed.

"Would you like to rub it in a bit more?"

I shook my head.

"You know I wouldn't do that but we have more to talk about."   

"Like what? Honestly I can't be here right now. Unless you plan to give me a goodbye fuck, I'm going."

I could see his chocolate eyes glossing over and at that moment I decided it was probably best to let him be and have him lick his wounds before anything else.

"You know I can't do that. He'd feel it."   

"Its not like it would be the first time." he mumbled.

I was momentarily stunned before I tighten my grip on his wrist.  

"Excuse me?"

"Its nothing. Let go of me Silas you're hurting me."  

"You know who he is don't you."

I stood up and looked down at him.

He looked around the room before his eyes landed on me.   

"No. I don't but I have a guess and honestly I wouldn't be surprised if I'm right. Just let me go Silas. I'll see you later," with that he ripped his wrist from my grasp before heading for the door.

I let him go, knowing I would see him later.

I fought everything in me not to go after him and question him.

I even texted Ellis and made sure to tell him to keep an eye on Lucca.

I had a gut feeling that I had to make sure that Lucca didn't leave the pack lands.

[musicreveiwsbyezti]

Yo yo yo! It's June topster day!

This month I listened to a lot of "must listens" also Steve Albini finally died so I could check out Big Black's albums.

Unsure: Gorguts-Obscura (Avant-Guard/Death Metal): What the actual fuck is this album? The entirety of this feels like every member of the band is playing different songs. There are few songs that "I get" but I think this definitely needs some more time for me. Though I still recommend it as it is an interesting experience.

14th: Blasphemy-Fallen Angel of Doom (War Metal): No. I consider myself someone who enjoys quite a lot of black metal, but this shit is genuinely goofy.

13th: Dropdead-Selftitle 1993 (Powerviolence): It's alright, doesn't really stick out as much as other pv records I listened through.

12th: Napalm Death-Scum (Grindcore): The father of grindcore sure feels like as the father of grindcore. I didn't really think that grind evolved a lot, but after listening to this I realised that the genre itself got a little more... focused or something? Half of the songs here feel like they're made to make non punks be pissed about "Hurr durr how can people listen to 4 seconds of noise and call it music?". I'm sure it will grow on me but I feel like this record haven't aged the best.

11th: Motörhead-Ace of Spades (Hard Rock/Speed Metal): The title track is so good that they recorded it 11 more times. I probably have a bitter taste in my mouth cuz every good damned place circlejerks over this album with shit like "ooooh this is the only band that both punks and metalhead and rockers alike enjoy" and then it's just the most basic ass hard rock album on the planet. Also I know that jailbait is supposed to be a satire/parody of the pedo musicians of that era, but Lemmy was such a genius that he forgot to make it sound like a satire/parody. Just listen to the title track and maybe listen to the We Are The Road Crew and you can skip the rest.

10th: Nails-Abandon All Life (Grindcore/Powerviolence): Short and sweet like all pv records should be. Some people consider this to be Nails' best but I can't see that.

9th: Big Black-Songs About Fucking (Noise Rock): The hardest album name ever. Alone it's a great album, but knowing that it's the follow up to Atomizer makes it a bit less impressive. The first half (Happy Otter) is the part which got a proper studio recording session, it is more polished and "thought over". Arguably every song in this part fucks hard. The second half (Sad Otter) was just put together at home and feels like a rough demo. It has good songs, but they could have been way better. I highly recommend this album, but only after listening to Atomizer.

8th: Nails-You Will Never Be One Of Us (Grindcore): Oh my fucking God this album fucks so hard. The intro song with the other punk metal crossover vocalist dropping the album name goes so hard it makes me hate the police even more. I'd argue that this is Nails' best...right after Unsilent Death... but still their best.

7th: Neurosis-Souls at Zero (Atmospheric Sludge Metal): This is their 3rd highest rated album and their 1st and 2nd are unavailable in my country due to bs copyright issues. Still it's pretty good. I've only dabbled into the whole atmosludge genre, but I have to be honest I see why people rate this over regular sludge.

6th: Kate Bush-Hounds of Love (Art/Prog Pop): Even though I more of a Björk, Billie Eilish and Sade kinda guy... this is so good. Hounds of Love literally redefined for me what pop music means for me, and I wasn't even a (major) elitist to begin with! The second half with the more artsy stuff is in short beautiful. I have no words to describe how this album makes me feel.

5th: Megadeth-Rust in Peace (Thrash Metal): Dave Mustain sucks as a vocalist... but he can sure solo! Hangar 18 feels like the dude on the cover is personally guiding the listener through the cover showing off all the weird stuff, which makes the rest of the album oddly atmospheric in a conceptual way? I guess. All in all, all that matters that this album is filled to the brim with insane guitar work. This one is especially good for newer guitarists who are interested in metal.

4th: Big Black-Atomizer (Noise Rock): 10/10, I give no more words, this is a must experience to everyone who loves noisy shit.

3rd: Carcass-Hearthwork (Melodic Death Metal): I don't know how Carcass went from inventing goregrind to making this. I can barely comprehend all the massive guitar work put into this. This is probably one of the safest places to start listening to death metal (in a good way).

2nd: Bolt Thrower-...For Victory (Death Metal): Bolt Thrower can't miss. That's just a fact at this point. They stuffed so much groove into this album filled with "war sucks" energy that it can't be put into words by my illiterate ass. Just binge BT's discography already.

1st: Throbbing Gristle-20 Jazz Funk Greats (Industrial): This is the most overlooked album on every music site.

[peace-for-levi]

golden hour

{sometimes i get ideas for drabbles that aren't long enough to be chapters, or oneshots. this was going to be a side chapter/drabble of morgen, but i didn't like where it was headed so i rewrote it. pls accept my garbage, i wrote this in ~45 mins}

cw: i have projected!!!!!! my abandonment issues onto levi lmao. anxiety, trauma, very slight possessiveness (but not to the point it's unhealthy) references to smut from the night prior. so mdni! finale pt. 1/manga spoilers!!!

w/c: 1201

taglist: @levmada @poisonpeche @jayteacups @happybird16 @theferricfox @sckerman @whattheheckmidoriya @notgoodforlife @anlian-aishang @unadulteratedtreecrusade @nelapanela94 (i honestly forget who's in my taglist??)

Levi Ackerman doesn't know peace. He is a man most acquainted with strife and sacrifice.

The void left in his heart after the Rumbling is gaping and steep. It pulls him into the dark, with little hope of anything good ever happening. Maybe he doesn't deserve it; maybe he isn't meant to have nice things. That's what the cynical side of him says. But then again, cynicism was all he ever had. Negativity, doubt... As a soldier, he always had to err on the side of caution.

So the idea of you laying in his arms, flush to his bare chest, is something so foreign to him. Levi can hardly believe his eyes.

Sunlight filters through the windows, casting rays and lighting up the room. Shining on you, he finally takes you -- and all your wonder -- in and he breathes easy.

He pulls you closer. Where is the next threat? When, even?

This is too good to be true.

You stir in his embrace and he relaxes, allowing you to fidget and stretch as needed. Your dewy and damp hair from last night clings to your forehead. Dirt doesn't repulse him too much anymore, he thinks. Well, not if it's you. He flicks the stray hairs dangling in your eyes away, and blows the rest away gently. Now he sees you.

He gasps when you smile in your hazy state, snuggling closer.

"Mornin'," you sigh.

"Mm." He doesn't mean for it to come across as a grunt. "Good morning. Sleep well?"

The gravelly baritone of his morning voice sends shivers down your spine. "Ohhhhh yeah."

It would be hard not to sleep well after last night, but he will stay on alert. He had his night of fun. Now it's time to get back to business. But what business does he have left? The teashop? It's closed today. Maybe cleaning the kitchen. Oh wait, you did a spring clean of it last night.

He sighs, heavily. It's hard to go from always having a task to do, to nothing at all. He can't lose his edge, it's too soon. It's barely been a few years. If he loses his edge, what happens then? What if you slip through his fingers? What if you realize that your time could be spent elsewhere, fulfilling whatever dreams you may have?

Not that he'd stop you, it's just…

I just don't have anyone else, he thinks, selfishly.

He must stay alert and aware all the time. He gave into desire last night when he could have been doing something more productive. If you continued to see how good he was, you'd continue to need him, hopefully. He needed you to rely on him, to need him, so that way, you'd always come back to him and you'd be in his life.

"You're shaking."

He's snapped out of his toxic train of thoughts. "Hmm?"

"When you tense your muscles, though it's faint, you shake, and…" you lean in closer, ear to his chest, "well, I feel it a lot more since I'm right next to you."

He sweeps his hand to cradle your head, wanting to keep you there.

"Sorry, guess I'm just…"

You peek up at him. "Just what?"

"Tch… Just forget it."

You blink owlishly. Sheesh, you only wanted to open a line of communication with him. But even after all those years, even when (an unsteady) peace between Eldia and Marley was established, he keeps his walls up. He doesn't know that it's okay to start taking down those bricks, however slow or long it may take him to.

The birds are chirping a song outside, perched on the sill. You smile softly, listening. "Do you hear them?"

"Yeah."

You try to wiggle out of his arms. "Relax, and listen to them. They're trying to talk to us, maybe." You search for his eyes.

"Yeah, they say you need a shower."

Despite his joke, his pupils are trained on the door into the hall of your shared apartment. The poor man, is all you think; a tortured soul who's not used to reprieve and doesn't know how to accept the rest he deserves. Always on the lookout.

You shimmy out entirely of his grasp and sit up. Though faint, you don't miss the bit of resistance he put up. You purse your lips in thought. Coax him out of it. That's always been your go-to method of trying to get him to open up.

A small nudge in the right direction.

"Last night was fun."

He had started to hum with the birds up until then. He peers back and he turns fully to face you. "Good, I'm glad. I feel the same."

"So feel it," you insist. "I think you don't allow yourself to enjoy the nice things in life."

He scoffs, in denial. "I'd hardly consider this a pleasant "morning after" experience."

"Not when you keep yourself so guarded and cagey, no."

Whatever scoff or smirk he tried to force fell flat. He averts his gaze, sensing a lecture. But when you move to ruffle his slowly thinning hair, his milky and grey eyes find yours. You smile sadly at the grey hairs you spot.

"I'm fine, I'm okay, Levi. You don't need to worry about me, ever. So rest. It's just us, now."

He scoffs, again, and turns his back to you. You flop down and trace the pads of your fingers over his muscles. You trace every scar and blemish; every cut and piece of skin so torn, it can hardly repair itself back to "normal."

He's always been the most human of the lot, and the most scarred (in more ways than one.) He carries the scars with him. The anguished fallen, the courageous subordinates he never got to apologize to. He carries them with him. Like how he carries his former squad, Erwin and Hange.

"Put down your swords now, Levi, the war is over. Take off the armour, too, that shit gets heavy."

He swallows thickly. "What about you? What if you're ever in danger? With my body like this, I ca–"

"Leave the sword at your feet, then. Pick it up when you need to," you soothe. You lean down to kiss him. When his shoulders creak, you giggle. "See, you're getting old! We should resting now."

I just can't be alone. Not after everything that's happened, he thinks.

"'We'," he parrots. "What about when you get bored living with a cripple?"

What will I do when you leave me?

"Well, no one else can make Sunday morning pancakes like you!"

He smiles for the first time now, his lips curling with bliss. He has to internally fight the urge to tense. "Don't make it out that pancakes are an achievement… Then again, I have never seen someone so god-awful at flipping."

He rolls onto his back now. You lower a hand to his scarred, pallid cheek. You smooth a thumb under his milky eye. As gently as you can manage, you sink back into his arms.

"So as long as you'll have me, I won't be leaving any time soon."

You don't miss the thick swallow and the trembling lips.

"I'm staying right here, 'Vi."

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ rbs and comments always appreciated!! ♡

[multi-fandomfuckboy]

Stranger Than Fiction

Part 14: Not Dead

Billy Hargrove x Reader (Slowburn)

Part 1, ...(Masterlist)...Part 15

A/N: I know it's been a while, I have been very busy with work and what not. But do not fear! I am back with an update! I hope you guys like this! Let me know what you guys thing, leave a like of a comment!! I love hearing your guy's thoughts on the story!

Word Count: 2,732

Warnings: Swearing, Violence

The next few hours go by without interruption. You continue to leave branching trails of bait to the tracks. When you finally reach the junkyard, you are the last to the party. Cresting the hill, you are able to see the gang hard at work getting ready. You are most surprised to see a certain red-headed stepsister.

Lucas catches sight of you first, a wide smile lighting up his face.

“What’s up babysitter?” he greets you, jogging over. You can’t help but return the smile, extending your hand as the two of you exchange your “secret handshake” Lucas had come up with when you used to watch him. 

“Nothing much, hunting monsters, no big.” you say casually, causing him to laugh. Both of you turn to head back to the rest of the group. While you are still out of earshot, you nudge him and gesture towards where Max stands, inspecting a sheet of metal. “Who is the new girl?” you ask.

“Oh? Mad Max?” Lucas shrugs, but you notice the fond smile on his lips when he looks at her. “She’s a… friend.” he says bashfully. You understand immediately.

“Oh! I get it.” You say, smirking and giving him a wink.

“What?” He asks, looking at you shocked.

“You like her!” you tease, nudging him again, playfully. 

“Shhh, Shut-up!” He chastises you, looking around to make sure no one else heard you. You chuckle but let it drop, seeing Steve approach. 

“What took you so long?” He asks, taking the remainder of your meat bucket and adding it to the pile.

“Oh you know, I always like to take my time when I’m walking through the forest with a carnivorous creature on the loose.” you say sarcastically. Steve only rolls his eyes, but you can tell he is relieved to see you. 

“That’s your babysitter?” You turn your gaze to Max, as she addresses Dustin. 

“Well, uh-” Dustin Stammers, his cheeks turning pink.

“ I used to be.” you explain, offering your hand to her. “You must be Max.” you say. She eyes your hand sceptically, before taking it. 

“I know you.” She says flatly. You lift a brow, confused. You doubt Billy has mentioned you to her. “I see you walking by our house all the time.” she explains. You feel slightly embarrassed but smile through it. “My brother, Billy, says it’s because you have ‘issues’.” she goes on, using air quotes around the word ‘issues’. Your jaw drops slightly at the bluntness of her words, feeling your face heating up. Steve stifles a laugh and you cut your eyes to him, glaring. He looks away, pretending to inspect his shoes. 

“Yea, well…” you recover quickly. “We all have our issues.” you respond. “I’m sure your brother has a few of his own.” you remark. You see something flash through her eyes, her features softening slightly. 

“Yea… I guess.” She says with a nod. Her expression is strangely familiar to you. It’s not something you are used to seeing on someone so young. It’s easy to see why your young friends are drawn to her. 

“Okay, enough introductions, we’re losing daylight!” Steve calls, prompting all of you to get back to work fortifying the abandoned school bus. 

All of you work quickly, doing everything you can to transform the old bus into a defensible position. You never would have thought that your babysitting skills would come in handy while instructing children on how to fortify a bus. But as the sun sets, the seriousness of the situation weighs heavily on your shoulders. 

You look at these kids you watched grow up, these kids you helped raise, and wonder if there was anything you could have done to keep them out of this. There is nothing you want more than for them to just be kids, having fun, worrying about girls, and crushes and school. Not having to fight monsters in junkyards. Part of you want’s to tell them all to go home, to force them to leave with Steve and let you handle it alone. But a bigger part of you knows that it’s too late for that. 

You feel the anxiety growing as you all climb into the bus, the sun disappearing behind the trees. You sit next to Steve, watching Dustin pace and listening to Steve repeatedly open and close his lighter. Your pistol rests, heavily, in your lap. You run your thumb over the safety, going over Hopper’s lessons in your head again. 

Hopper. You wish he was here. He always made you feel safe, he would know what to do. You know that he is involved in all of this somehow, it was the only explanation for why none of you had been able to get in touch with him. That alone made you nervous. For as long as you could remember Hopper had always had your back, even last year when your whole world was falling apart, Hopper was there. 

“So, you guys really fought one of these before?” Max asks, breaking the silence. Your eyes lock with Steve’s in the dim light and each of you think back to that night. Steve only gives a silent nod in response. 

“And you’re like, totally 100% sure it wasn’t a bear?” She asks. The scars along your back begin to tingle slightly at the memory. You bring a hand up to the back of your neck, where the top of the claw marks begin. You run your fingers over the raised skin just beneath your collar. Steve places a hand on your knee, bringing you back to the present. You drop your hand and are about to respond when Dustin cuts you off. 

“Shit. Don’t be an idiot! Okay? It wasn’t a bear.” He snaps. “Why are you even here if you don’t believe us?” He asks pointedly, ignoring Max’s shocked expression. “Just go home.” He says before continuing to pace. 

“Geesh. Someone's cranky. Past your bedtime?” Max grumbles snarkly, moving to climb the ladder to the roof. You are reminded of Billy. She may not look like him, but the attitude is definitely familiar. You are about to chastise Dustin for his harsh words when Steve speaks up. 

“That’s good. Just show her you don’t care.” he says, looking almost proud. 

“I don’t.” Dustin responds curtly. Steve smiles knowingly, and gives him a wink. 

“Why are you winking, Steve? Stop.” Dustin commands. Steve shakes his head, smiling, and goes back to flicking his lighter. 

“Did you tell him to act like that?” you ask disbelievingly, looking between the two of them. Steve just shrugs. 

“Not exactly. I just told him that you shouldn’t act too interested in a girl. Make her come to him, ya know.” Steve explains. You look at him, expecting him to say it’s a joke but when he appears to be completely serious you can't help but laugh.

“That’s the dumbest advice I've ever heard.” You say. 

“What?” Sheve asks “It’s always worked for me.” he adds, smirking. 

“Acting like that only works on girls that are after one thing.” you say. Steve’s smirk falls and his brows draw together. 

“Wait… What do you mean?” Steve asks. You sigh, running a hand through your hair. 

“You really think those girls were interested in your conversation skills, when you ignore them?” Steve stares at you, still confused. “If you treat a girl like that, and she still goes home with you, that wasn’t your idea… it was hers.” you explain.

“Wait… girls do that?” He asks. You chuckle at his confusion and lean forward, patting his knee as you stand up. 

“More often than you think.” You say, walking to stand under the emergency exit, planning on climbing up to check on Max and Lucas. You catch part of their conversation and pause. 

“My mom and stepdad, they wanted a fresh start, away from him. As if… as if he was the problem, which is total bull.” you hear Max explaining. “And things are just worse now.” The sadness in her tone makes your heart ache. 

“My stepbrother’s always been a dick, but now he’s just angry… all the time…” you picture Billy, on Halloween, insulting you and manipulating you into getting angry… like him. “And he can’t take it out on my mom so…” your stomach twists at her words. You and Billy were not exactly friends, but hearing the hurt and pain in Max’s voice makes you angry. She is just a kid. She needs someone to protect her, someone to shield her from the painful truths of the world. That person was supposed to be Billy. 

“It’s just… I know that I can be a jerk like him sometimes, and I do not want to be like him. Ever.” You hear her voice shake and your heart breaks. “I guess I’m angry too, and… I’m sorry.” She apologises to Lucas. You want so badly to help. To tell her that it’s not her fault, that it’s going to be okay, that she’s just a kid and there is time to make things better. Luckily Lucas is there for her.

“You’re nothing like your brother, okay? You’re cool and different and you’re super smart. And you’re like, totally tubular.” The sound of Max laughing lifts your spirits. But just as quickly, it sinks again. You think about the situation you are all in. Max, Lucas, and Dustin are just kids. You’re crucifying Billy for not protecting Max when you are putting her in a deadly situation. You are not a saint, you are part of the problem. 

You make up your mind then. You need to get the kids out of here, before that thing shows up. You would force them to leave. You and Steve could handle this on your own. As you’re walking over to Steve to tell him to help you get the kids out, you are halted by the sound of a shrill growl in the distance. The sound causes a shiver to race down your spine and for all the hair on your arms to stand on end. 

You rush to the small opening in the window to look out at the fog, Steve standing close behind you, his face next to yours. 

“Do you see him?” Dustin asks. 

“No.” Steve responds, keeping his eyes forward.

“Lucas, what’s going on?!” Dustin calls. 

“Hold on!” Lucas replies. There is a pause as you all scan the surrounding darkness. You can feel your heart drumming steadily in your chest and readjust your hold on the pistol, swiftly flicking the safety off.

“I’ve got eyes! Ten o’clock! Ten o’clock!” Lucas yells from above. 

“There.” Steve says next to your ear, pointing across the junkyard. You can see the shape emerging from the fog. 

“What’s he doing?” Dustin asks.

“I don’t know.” you reply, watching the dog sized creature idling in the night. 

“He’s not taking the bait. Why is he not taking the bait?” Steve asks, panicked. 

“Maybe it’s because you dumped gasoline on it.” you mumble. 

“Maybe he’s sick of cow.” Steve replies and quickly takes a step back, running a hand through his hair. You turn to him, confused. 

“Steve? What are you doing?” Dustin asks as Steve walks quickly to the front of the bus. Turning to look at you, he pauses. 

“You got my back?” He asks, seriously. His eyes search yours.

“Always.” You respond firmly, without hesitation, taking a step forward. He quickly moves forward, grabbing your hand. Standing this close to him, you can see the fear in his eyes even in the dim light. 

“Be ready.” He says, keeping his eyes on yours. You can feel the metal of his lighter press into your palm. 

“Be careful.” you respond. Steve tries to smirk, but it’s half hearted. 

“Always.” he replies, letting your hand go, leaving the lighter in your palm. 

The metal on the bus door screeches as he pulls it open, slowly stepping out. You stand at the door, pistol gripped in one hand, lighter in the other. You watch, tensely, as Steve advances. You hear him whistle lightly, trying to get it's attention. 

“What is he doing?” Max asks, coming down the ladder to stand next to Dustin at the window. 

“Expanding the menu.” Dustin explains, keeping his eyes on Steve. 

“He’s insane.” Max exclaims, as Steve digs his feet firmly into the ground, swinging his bat in front of him. 

“He’s awesome.” Dustin responds, smiling. You keep your eyes on Steve but can’t help but bite back. 

“No. She’s right… He’s insane.” You hiss through gritted teeth. 

The seconds drag by as Steve stares down the monster in front of him. 

“Steve! Watch out!” Lucas screams from the roof, causing you to jump. 

“A little busy here!” Steve shouts back.

“Three o’clock! Three o’clock!” Lucas warns. You turn your gaze in that direction in time to see another creature jump onto a car. 

“Oh fuck…” you exhale as Dustin rushes to your side. 

“Steve! Abort! Abort!” He yells. You shove the kids back as Steve dodges the first demogorgon, diving over the hood of the car, narrowly avoiding it’s sharp teeth. 

“Shoot it! Shoot it!” Dustin yells. You lift your pistol to take aim, but can’t get a clear shot, not without hitting Steve. Another demogorgon lunges for Steve who’s bat collides with its jaw, effectively knocking it away. 

“I can’t get a clear shot!” You yell as the kids continue to scream behind you. Steve sprints towards you, the monster hot on his tail. Off to the right another creature appears, making a beeline for Steve. With how close it is, you can see that it’s going to cut him off. You lift your pistol and quickly fire two shots, knocking it to the ground, stopping it long enough for Steve to reach the bus. As soon as he is close enough, you grab his arm and pull him into the bus, slamming the door behind you, bracing your back against the metal. You feel the monsters collide with the door seconds later. 

The next few moments are chaos.

Steve pulls you away from the door, adding a metal sheet for reinforcement, bracing his feet against it. 

“They can’t get in! They can’t!” Lucal yells. Suddenly a clawed arm breaks through the door, narrowly missing Steve’s leg as it lashes out wildly. You throw your body against the door, doing your best to keep it shut as Steve beats off the intruding claw with his bat. You can hear Dustin begging on the radio, and feel the creatures pounding against the metal so hard it rattles your whole body. 

Steve grunts as he continues to beat back the claws. You barely notice the thud of something landing on the roof, the metal caves under the weight as it walks towards the emergency exit. Max’s scream cuts through the chaos. 

“Go! Go!” You yell, waving Steve away as you continue to barricade the door. Steve rushes away, shoving the kids aside to face the monster staring down from the open roof. 

“You want some?! Come and get this!” Steve yells, brandishing his bat. An ear-splitting roar rips through the night air and you grip your pistol tighter, preparing for the onslaught. 

But, before anything can happen, the bus shakes violently as the creature leaps off the roof. The pounding on the door stops. 

Silence falls and the only sound to be heard are your panting breaths. Everything is still. After a moment, you push yourself off the doors. Steve comes towards you and grabs your arm, quickly looking over you. 

“You okay?” He asks, eyes still wide with panic. 

“Not dead.” You reply breathlessly. “You?” 

“Not dead.” He echos. The two of you move to slowly open the door in time to see the creatures retreating into the forest. 

“What happened?” Lucas asks. 

“I dont know.” Max replies, standing behind him. 

“Did we scare them off?” Dustin suggests.

“No.” Steve says flatly. Taking a step forward. “No way… they’re going somewhere.” He concludes, turning back to look at you. You move to stand next to him, staring in the direction they had run in. You begin to feel the strange buzzing in your mind again. It’s different now. Instead of spreading over you it feels more like a pull. Like it wants you to follow. 

Somehow you know that something is coming. Something bad.

···

Part 1, ...(Masterlist)...Part 15

A/N: I hope you guys like this one! Kind of a filler but we are getting into the action. Reader is feeling very protective of Max. How will an inside look at Billy change their dynamic??

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