#i have many more thoughts about this but i dont want to risk being misinterpreted on the piss on the poor website

[ferrettaur]

you gotta have a silly kink. you gotta have a weird fetish. its important.

[theguardianace]

AROACE POLYSHO ???? SPILL SPILL SPILL TWLL ME ALL ABOUT IT PLEASE

AROACE POLYSHOW AROACE POLYSHOW THE GREATEST THING OF ALL TIME.

things of note that i think are fun.... nene and rui had major questioning phases pre-wxs about being aroace. i'd imagine nene being really confused why everyone around her seemed so interested in dating and romance and the whole amatanormative feel of dramatic media and such. it's in so many plays, and people get in so many shipping wars/draw suggestive art for games. it's hard to ignore as a theater kid and gamer. she didn't get it and felt isolated. she came across the term aroace online but had a hard time accepting that she might be that, but eventually silently embraced it. rui on the other hand knew full well he was not like other people. he's not the kind of guy who would pick and choose a crush that isn't there. being aroace and a middle/high schooler made him feel even more lonely and alienated from his peers. he agknowledged the fact he was aroace pretty easily, but it took him a lot longer to accept that isn't a bad thing at all.

emu and tsukasa had NO clue they were aroace. did not occur to them at all. emu had to be told it was a thing and she went "huh? OHHH THATS ME !!!! :D". skipped teh entire questioning/am i broken stage and went right to "hehehehehehe". (though other people don't believe her that often. emu is so full of love. how could someone like her not fall in love with other people? she's too young. she hasn't met the right person yet. it's just a phase. her siblings started off as ignorantly aphobic, but then realized the fault of their ways and learned.). my hc for tsukasa is a bit different than other peoples, but i am fully convinced he thought he was bisexual for teh LONGEST time. "guys and girls can both be good looking, so i must be bi! yeah the extent of my feelings is "they're cool" ... what do you mean that's not what a crush is". it was a shocking revelation to him that people actually want to kiss/have sex for real. he's accepted being aroace and actively embraces it, though he still feels connected to teh bi label. he'd like the concept of tertiary attraction and probably label as bi aroace, to honor both.

i like to think that tsukasa accidentally came out first (accidentally meaning he simply forgot to tell them and then was surprised when they were all surprised). emu was like !!!!! omg samsies and nene laughed and came out, too. wxs were the first people rui ever said the words "aromantic asexual" out loud to.

i personally think aroace polyshow never actually labeled themeselves as such, but BOY do tehy act like they're all married. they just care about each other soooooo much. its platonic its queer platonic its romantic its everything all blended together. if its them, they can do anything. with the shared knowledge of being aroace, they all also sort of feel more comfortable being openly affectionate, yknow? there's no risk of misinterpretation of intent- they love each other. they love each other in a way that they cannot describe and most people wouldn't understand. they are tied by their love of shows and their love of each other. emu is really physically affectionate and they all feel safe cuddling with her. rui lightheartedly flirts and half the time i dont think he even realizes he's doing it, the other half he's just trying to be silly. nene excels in the silent acts of love, making sure the stage is clean and there's always a few snacks backstage and honeslty just being there for everyone.

they have game night/sleepover every once in a while, usually during planning stages of shows. there's also a high likelyhood one goes to another's house at least once a week for some reason.

oh also they never do romance plays ever. it was a revelation tehy only came to after coming out. it just... never occured to them to do one. and now that they all know none of them can fall in love they actively try and avoid it. they've re-written fables to be about the power of friendship, or re-imagined the tale to the point romance wouldn't even be on anyone's mind. it's not a theme the audience ever picks up on, but at the same time they do? they don't realize the pattern but nobody ever comes out of a show with that interpretation. their shows are a hit every time, too. ("story" doesn't mean "romance", after all).

wonderlands x showtime isn't a romance. it's a love story.

[agent-cupcake]

I dont know if you're still doing the yandere flowers but if you are could you do snapdragon and myrtle for dimitri :)

Snapdragon - What is the darling’s day-to-day life like? Does it depend on how they’ve been acting, or is it always the same?

Most days are the same. Dimitri can't keep track of you at all times, you're pretty much being babysat by palace staff, guards, or his friends whenever the two of you aren't together. He likes to have you near him, obviously. He loves hearing your opinion on policy decisions and getting your perspective, although he's also incredibly distracted while working so it can be quite isolating despite his overbearing need to keep you where he knows you're safe. As long as you stay inside, you have freedom to do what you like. And it's not as if this is entirely unreasonable, right? You are his queen, he is forging a new status quo after a war. Although he is certainly popular to some, he's also the hated enemy of many. Which is funny because he is perfectly willing to put his neck on the line when it comes to tempting fate, but goddess forbid you ever put yourself in even the slightest bit of danger. For the most part, it's better for everyone to create the illusion of normalcy, even if that comes at the expense of a few not-so-veiled threats from his friends to keep you sticking to the status quo.

The exceptions are days he takes breaks for things like hunting/camping trips or traveling for diplomatic reasons. You're always expected to go with him. Outside of the palace, the leash only gets tighter. It's for your own good, right? Another exception is if you insist on being reckless or argumentative. Dimitri is usually willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. No matter what you say about your own feelings or how he treats you, he's ready to misinterpret it in any way that doesn't involve you wanting out of this toxic relationship and then lock you in your room to ensure you can't do anything dangerous for good measure. Better to beg your forgiveness after the fact than risk your safety. But, again, everybody involved has a vested interest in keeping you in line and maintaining the appearance of normalcy to ensure Dimitri can devote himself to his duty without having to worry about you constantly.

Myrtle - Is this yandere consistently the same during the time they spend with their darling, or does their attitude begin to change? If so, what prompts the change?

Dimitri's behavior can vary greatly, his mood shifting with very little discernable rhyme or reason. For the most part he's very sweet and considerate, albeit with varying degrees of stressed, distracted, and exhausted. Sometimes he's very, very loving and affectionate to the point of needful. It's borderline love-bombing, although in equal measure it's his need for love and affection to be returned so it's not as if it's some calculated ploy to manipulate you. Other times he just wants the companionship and conversation. And then there are days where he's barely communicative at all and, although he still has the obsessive need to keep you at his side and safe, he barely acknowledges you or even acts very brusquely. Dimitri doesn't get upset with you directly (that would ruin the whole idolization thing he's got going on) but he's also not above taking out his frustration on you either. If he does get upset with you, he'll focus that on outside factors. You find a way around his security, it's the fault of lacking safety measures. You're angry with him, it must be something else that is making you upset. What you need is to be loved and placated, or the things that are upsetting you need to be removed.

The biggest change would be the intensity of these shifts in mood, as they'd get worse the more obsessive/possessive he became as the paranoia and adoration deepened. The more he loves you, the more agonizing and terrifying the thought of losing you becomes. It's painful, this hellish state of utter bliss and sinking dread. And it doesn't really matter how much you love him back, or how completely you submit to his paranoid security measures, because ultimately he is still aware of how easily you could be taken from him, how vulnerable you are not only to the rest of the world, but to the part within him that has an insatiable thirst for destruction. So, yes, his attitude would change. It only gets worse.

[sputnikodin]

i’m also dating a he/him lesbian, and it is wonderful. highly recommend. great work all around. the only thing is that when i mention my boyfriend, i can tell people are confused, and ive had friends say “but i thought you were a lesbian…?” etc. im aware many people dont understand and i dont really care to explain it to them, but i also dont want people to think im “a lesbian who dates men.” i was just wondering, do you experience this? any tips?

i haven't run into this yet, since i haven't had many opportunities to talk about him with people who don't already know about him, but it IS something i've thought about a lot since i anticipate people reacting that way and since i'm a he/him lesbian myself and have deliberated over using those pronouns irl (instead of they/them which is what i currently default to in lgbt-friendly spaces, with he/him used by friends and friends of friends) because my relationship to being perceived as a man is a complicated one and i don't really know how i'd feel about (ostensibly) ~affirming~ that interpretation instead of just existing in the glorious limbo of Being Confusing. so i've seen it from the other side too basically

in my case, mar is also all right with being referred to as my partner (and with they/them pronouns), so thus far that's what i've called him when discussing him with people irl in order to avoid this kind of thing. i absolutely love calling him my boyfriend though and it's what i'd call him most of the time in an ideal world. i've been weighing in my head how much i really care about others' perceptions of me, how much i'm comfortable letting them interfere with my authenticity — how much does it really matter if someone else thinks i'm a man, or thinks i'm dating a man, if i know i'm not? (← the principle that underlies much of my experience as a transmasc lesbian; obviously contextually different depending on the degree of misperception and how much u desire it though.) if a stranger or acquaintance walks away assuming i'm a guy or with a guy, how much does that affect my life; will i be more okay with deviating from my preferences and my lover's preferences or more okay with being misunderstood? (i'm not trying to weight these questions towards "complete authenticity is always the morally upright way to go," by the way — obviously we as gay people know that a little surface-level dishonesty is sometimes necessary to let an authentic personal life blossom.)

with regards to discussing him with people who know me better, there are ways to buffer against that misinterpretation, though they aren't foolproof and can be unwieldy — when talking about him to irl friends when he and i first got together i'd often talk about the joy of dating another butch as a butch myself; i feel like even my lgbt friends who weren't familiar with the "he/him lesbian boyfriend" thing could make the connection between masculine presentation and masculine terminology without my having to elucidate it in words. i'm not opposed to doing a little "by the way, i use he/him for him and call him my boyfriend but we're both lesbians" spiel if i deem it necessary, either, at least in theory.

i think no matter what we do there will always be the risk of misunderstanding. and as someone for whom my lack of attraction to men is an important part of my experience as a person in the world, i don't disparage you or me or anyone else for wanting to avoid handing people the opportunity to interpret us as people who date men. but to some extent like ... i think it's one of those risks we take on, you know? plus some people are going to think i date men even if they never hear a word about mar — no matter how much of a dyke i look like (or openly say that i am), there will always be people who assume i'm still open to dating men. in the end, i lean more towards honoring the language i and he feel most comfortable with than honoring my worries about other people thinking i'm something i'm not. that's where i'm at at this point, at least.

[cipheramnesia]

This is a combination vent/semi anonymous coming out, and you don't have to post it, I understand why people would be hesitant to. I'm 18 years old, when I was 15 I got taken from a very queer friendly city to a small town in the most Republican county in my state. I came out to my friends and mom as enby when I was 16. I thought I was an enby girl, I had internalized a lot of radfem rhetoric and was ashamed of my own masculinity and manhood, then a soft trans boi, and trans man, and now which is "I'm pretty positive I'm genderfluid and/or multigender" but, even then, my experiences with gender, dysphoria, and euphoria are almost always unorthodox. I was assigned female at birth, I want to be a [feminine gender], but I feel like I was born in the wrong body, I relate most to and feel at ease with identity terms used by trans women.

Everyone tells me I'm cis and just have body dysphoria, or that im misinterpreting my own feelings, that im actually just a feminine trans man, that I'm a mogai snowflake, a crypto terf, a radfem, transmisogynistic, fetishistic, an invader, hell, that I'm playing into the "transphobic born in the wrong body narrative," that I must see trans women as men or as still being their agab because of this (I dont, its exclusively a me thing that agab has anything to do with it). But my experience with my body, and my own conceptualization of my gender, my womanhood, my femininity, is not cis. I have never aligned with the kind of womanhood assigned to me, I have never related fully to the girls and women in my life, my girlhood was wrong, when people look at me and call me she it feels Wrong because I know they dont see Me. And even if I were born male, I would still be trans, more comfortable and less conflicted probably, but still trans, I would probably still transition, I would still have dysphoria and euphoria but I would be able to call myself a trans woman. Even my own transition feels wrong because I'll be going on testosterone.

My friends support me, but they're not transfem, and I want so badly to reach out to trans women and transfem communities because I read posts and I see pictures and I relate and im jealous and I hate it, I'm so bitter and I dont want to be, I just, I feel like I'll never be able to live authentically and have people accept me in cis or trans society. I know why the idea of an "afab trans woman" sets off red flags, I know terfs and transmeds alike took that and bastardized it to hurt people, I hate them for doing that. I was so excited to find people like me for the first time when I learned what circumgender was, only to realize there just how people felt about my experiences. I recloseted myself, I've forced myself into other boxes, I've made myself a more acceptable flavor of trans, but it doesnt work and it doesnt go away, I used to be so naive but now I'm starting to feel suicidally depressed over it and I'm so scared people are going to hate me, they already do. No one understands, and that's what they tell me, that I cant be a trans woman because I'll never experience what it is to be a "real trans woman," but they dont understand everything about my experiences either, that goes both ways but no one is willing to take me at face value and focus on similarities instead. I'm so alone, and I'm so tired, and every day im reminded with this tme shit, this "only x can call themselves y" shit, how much I dont fit.

I want to be seen as a trans woman, I want to be clocked as genderqueer in a transfem way, and I know the dangers, I know the risks many trans women dont want that come with being visible, and people tell me im appropriating trans womens struggles, that I have a choice and they dont, but it's not a choice for me, and no one seems to understand that. And when I say I want to look visibly transfem people think I have a transphobic idea of a what a trans woman looks like, that's not true, I only know what I would want to look like if I was one. I used to use those words, but more and more these labels became segregated, and I get it, the biggest defense I've noticed is that people with very specific experiences need to be able to find each other, and broadening what "trans woman" or "transfem" means makes that harder but, are all transfem experiences the same? Is that more important than my ability to live comfortable and authentically? Maybe it is, honestly. I don't know how to feel anymore, thank you for your time, sorry for dumping all this in your ask box.

It sounds like you're going through a lot of complicated gender things right now. Let me just start at the top with the two salient points I plan to explain in detail, the tldr if you will.

First, gender is a fuck. I'm never going to enforce someone into or out of gender boundaries. Gender does not break into identifiable components in ways that matter. Your lived experience is what you have, and should be acceptable for others.

That said, second, "circumgender" seems to originate with transphobes, terfs, etc. For this reason, I would encourage you to forge a path away from the specific term. I won't insist something like "afab people cannot have any trans feminine gender experience." Only that you should separate this lived experience from an idea proposed by a hate group.

Third, which I say a lot but I wanna say again - I'm not the queer police. I am, if anything, fumbling my way through all the gender and sex and stuff as blindly as anyone else. I have a book of matches for light, but I'm still mostly in the dark.

Okay, now that we have the article summary, I'll try and go into some discussion and hopefully it will be of use. Where I want to start is with the current state of the gender which is... question mark? Gender has become increasingly nebulous because all the components we use to categorize can, to greater or lesser degrees, be separated from definitional absolutes. Everything from genetics to hormones to clothes and social roles does not have a clear, definitive binary gender distinction. Good.

This also means more people are aware that gender as a "man/woman" experience exclusively is not correct - gender can be experienced in an extremely diverse way. Consequently there's something of an awakening of people realizing they've never really fit into male or female genders. It has created a free space to explore the self via gender, but the same free space can be confusing, particularly if you haven't felt as if any of the particular orbits of gender feel correct for you.

And you know, like anyone trying to figure out where they belong, you can get sucked in by people offering easy answers, which is a radfem deal, which it kinda sounds like what you went through. It also does sound like you're experiencing more than a single isolated particular gender, to me, and while I don't want to say "don't be this gender" I don't want to shove you into a feminine category if you feel like you have other aspects to your gender. For the "variations in gender" in addition to the more general nonbinary there's also genderfluid, genderpunk, genderflux, bigender, and good old genderfuck - plus more.

Or, to put it another way, it sounds like in the space of exploring gender, you've been pushed around a lot and feel discouraged from trying to explore any kind of masculine or feminine feelings, or even seeing what neither one might be. This is all really abstract, for which I apologize. Like I said, I'm also feeling my way trying to understand gender stuff.

But altogether, some further internal consideration might be in order, maybe even see if you have any way to secure help from a therapist who has experience with more than just a gender binary? I know not everyone has this option, but consider it, if you can.

On the side of wanting to read as trans feminine, that's, as they say, complicated. Some people read saying "born in the wrong body" as a problem but I'm kinda whatever on that. I know people who have that experience, I know me who never did, it's different for everyone.

The issue with wanting to look trans femme, I think, is that there's not like... a specific look. I honestly could not say what it means to look trans feminine. I don't want to throw out examples but there is really no end to the scale of how trans femme people look.

This is also illustrative in a practical way of why "circumgender" as a term is more in the realm of transphobic than useful identity. It's kind of the opposition to the whole current thing with gender, which is that taxonomic or absolute classification doesn't exist. It says "I have defined and identified what a trans woman is, independent of trans women generally, and I am that."

The more inclusive and open experience of trans women is more like "I can identify that I am not cis, and my gender is a binary woman, or trans woman." I know this seems a bit like hair splitting, but one of the approaches for exclusion is to draw a line around something (eg, Woman) and then declare things which are excluded from it based on internal prejudice, systemic oppression, social mores, etc etc.

So, moving back to having a trans feminine feeling, I guess what I'm saying is that if gender is pretty nebulous, and trans femme can look like a lot of different things - it's not a question of what you can and can't do with your gender as much as it is that what you feel affinity for something that does not itself have any defining traits? This has nothing to do with afab or whatever, more that you've got a bit of a moving target.

This is good, because it means for one you can explore a larger understanding of trans women's experiences - get a good handle on how many different ways we have of doing or being a gender just on that single category of binary gender alone.

And also it means you can see the convergences of "not cis" and "feminine" through the lens of something that doesn't require one specific way of doing the feminine.

So I guess what I'd conclude with is to think about other ways to articulate your gender that don't require predetermination of the gender of someone else. You have a good amount to start with - "feminine but not cis, affinity for masculine, but in a feminine way (if I understood correctly)."

Some of this is probably a bit off the mark of what you are trying to deal with, but I hope it generally or overall is useful to think about.

[plightofthecentipede]

listen im gonna use my white privilege to be aggressive about this, poc can skip this post if u want. i am SO disappointed in so many white ppl rn. there is no excuse for not speaking up, i dont care if ur heart is “in the right place” or ur “gathering ur thoughts” i dont wanna fucking hear it. ur an embarrassment. if black people can have the courage to go out and literally risk their fucking lives to protest then u can get urself together enough to speak up about racism, to amplify black voices, to donate and encourage others to donate, to vote, and to show up in the streets. confront ur racist grandma. dont apologize for being white, it contributes nothing and poc shouldnt have to comfort u about ur white guilt. dont talk about ur uncle who’s a “good cop” or grieve that target lost some merchandise. dont quote dr. king and deliberately misinterpret him so that you can condemn the riots. dont ask for fucking praise for the bare minimum. i dont wanna fucking hear it no more.

[btsandvmin]

u really think vm is real? iv been shipping vm(romantically) for more then 2 years now not only vm i have shipped every ship in maknae line and tbh there was not even a single day when i thought vm can be real(also bcoz i dont wanna get my hopes high)i mean i have seen ur list of things which makes u think vm is real but other ships have those too they have stronger evidence then us viminers i am also open minded but i really cant see anything btw vm i jst ship them bcoz of their special bond

Thank you for the ask, it’s not a simple ask, but I tried my best to answer it. Sorry if it got a bit long.

First of all I think the list you mention is my “10 Reasons to ship Vmin”, which is not a list of proof for Vmin being real, but rather of reasons to why you can ship them romantically. Something people can do no matter if they are real or not, and which I personally think Vmin have enough chemistry for. I just don’t personally understand why Vmin’s moments would be so much more “just friends” compared to moments between other ships, so I made that post to show that there are moments that make Vmin ship-worthy as well. That being said, if you don’t see any possible romantic or sexual spark between Jimin and Taehyung and just like their bond there is nothing wrong with that. I am not here to make people believe in Vmin.

So, do I really think Vmin is real?

A short answer to this question is no, I do not believe that Vmin is real, as in that I believe they are in a relationship. But I do think there is a possibility that they are. I know Vmin love each other, but I don’t claim to know how. As an outsider that is impossible for me or anyone else to know unless they state it clearly themselves. Something they would likely never do even if they are in a relationship because of their situation and homophobic culture.

The most likely thing is that no ship is real. Just imagine what a risk it would be to themselves and their brand. There might be attraction, but I think it would take a lot for that to be turned into action and even more for it to turn into a relationship in the sense how most of us perceive the word. Personally I think being in a relationship that you would have to hide like that, and just not being straight in the first place would come with a lot of hurt and stress. In that way it would maybe be better if no ship was real. I don’t know, so basically I just try to stay grounded because there are many possibilities and too many unknown factors for me to come to a firm conclusion.

The same goes for Ji/kook and Tae/kook or any other ship, within our outside of the group, straight or non-straight. They could be real, but I don’t know. However I think some ships have potential to be real, and they aren’t equally likely based on what I can observe and my own interpretations. But interpretations aren’t something you can trust to 100% either. Basically, completely believing a ship is real is in my own opinion not something you should do when there is no real “proof”.

I would use the same logic for their sexualities as well, I don’t know so I won’t say anything for certain until they tell us themselves (which is also a bit difficult since it will always be much harder to state not being straight). However I won’t assume they are straight either, I will of course collect info and base my own guesses on what I observe. For example, I think it’s very likely that not all members are straight, especially considering how BTS and Big Hit show a lot of lgbt+ support despite being from Korea (if any group might have their members come out as non-straight it might be BTS). Personally, I think Taehyung and JK has given me the most reason to think they are not straight, while I think Namjoon is at the very least attracted to women. But I could be wrong since it’s just based in my own views and guesses. What I try to do is to keep an open mind, and this goes for most topics. These are real human beings that I don’t know or interact with personally, and people are complex. There could be a million things I miss, either because they don’t want me to see it or because I simply fail to notice. There are just too many missing pieces to come to a definitive conclusion.

And that brings me to the “proof” or “evidence” that shippers tend to talk about. Frankly, I think the fact that you say that two other ships have more evidence than Vmin says a lot. Because if both Ji/kook and Tae/kook has “proof”, that means that unless both are real, that at least some of those things that people see as proof are simply misinterpretations. This goes for every single thing that shippers bring up. There can be a hundred of reasons behind the things they see and find strange that aren’t because two people are romantically or sexually involved. We also assume that if a ship is “real” that that means they are romantically involved, because that is our ideal scenario that we want to see. Even if two or more members are more than friends, they could be friends with benefits, aromantic, asexual etc. there are a lot of different types of relationships that could be the truth.

I’ve been in other fandoms, and there is for example a Japanese idol group that I love and have followed for a really long time. Members of this groups has admitted to kissing while drunk and basically shipping their own members. So even seeing two members kiss could be for other reasons than them being in a romantic relationship. Just think of how many groups there are and how many ships people analyze and believe is real, how high are the odds that all of them really are? Not that high. People see what they want to see, and that will always interfere with a person’s judgement.

That being said, I do think Vmin could be real, based on things I have seen and interpreted myself. That doesn’t automatically erase the possibility of another ship being real though, and I have said before that I personally think that if any ship would be real one of the maknae line pairs would be the most likely. It’s just me personally that weigh my own reasons based on what I have seen that makes me reach the conclusion that Vmin makes the most sense. This is also partially tainted by my own bias, as that is something no shipper can escape. Again, people see what they want to see, and it can be hard to accept things that goes against your own beliefs.

What I don’t agree with is that Tae/kook and Ji/kook has more “evidence”. I don’t like calling it that, but hints or clues isn’t really right either. People have analyzed these ships more, but just because something is popular and get talked about a lot that doesn’t mean it’s the most likely. Vmin has always been a step behind because of their platonic label and that means that people already since years back has gotten it ingrained that they are only platonic. But is there really that much of a difference between the ships? Most of the things that you see in shipping videos all the members of Bangtan do. Sleep together, slap butts, hold hands, hug, say they love each other etc. etc. the list goes on. Using these things as evidence by saying “it just feels different between them” is not evidence to me, this goes for Vmin as well.

These things are too difficult to interpret to use as any type of hard evidence, especially since you see the members do most of these things with others as well. But even if it is exclusive it doesn’t have to mean romantic love or sexual attraction. Heart eyes and jealousy are in my opinion the worst examples of these things because the looks could literally mean anything. Take for example Vmin holding hands, they do this a lot, and unprompted simply because they seem to want to. It makes me squeal to see it, and I love it and think it’s proof of their close bond and love for each other. But I would not say it proves that they are in a relationship together. It could be 100% platonic. It can be a point to make me think it’s more likely but in the end it’s just one thing that might make me lean more in that direction.

So, besides my preference and bias towards Vmin, why do I then think Vmin is more likely compared to other ships? Well, in the only way I can, which is based on my own observations. Which are in turn also dyed by my own preexisting beliefs in how relationships look like and work, which could be completely incorrect since I don’t know how the members of BTS would think about and look at these topics themselves. Especially since their situation is rather extreme and they come from a different culture.

From what I see Vmin still share hotel rooms at least sometimes, they have slipped up before in various ways “Jimin and friends” trying to correct themselves or play it off as a joke and in general seem to be rather careful themselves with how they speak about and too each other. This goes for how the other members talk about them as well. I’ve mentioned Namjoon talking about Vmin “being great friends” a lot, and for me I just think the context of how and when he says these things seems a bit odd at times. I think the fact that everyone keeps saying how Vmin are the closest, how they call each other soulmates and a lot of other examples that come from the members themselves make it less likely for other ships to be real. Because these are things that Vmin doesn’t have to do, but they do them because they want to. I’ve talked about their neediness and how it seems they can’t be apart for too long and other things that could be platonic, but still kind of makes other ships less likely in my own mind. For me the way Vmin behave with each other simply makes me more inclined to think they could potentially be real compared to other ships in the group. I have seen theories for all ships, and I think some are really interesting, but nothing I have seen for any ship has been enough to convince me that it’s real or to make me believe in them more than in Vmin. I have seen things about Vmin that are also weird and interesting to analyze, mostly on my own because as we know there aren’t that many Vmin analysis out there. But the things I have seen still makes me raise my eyebrows sometimes. But I know I could be wrong.

To summarize I think a lot of proof and evidence that people talk about are overrated and often very misleading because how it’s presented. I think that it’s dangerous to stay too focused on only one possibility and be completely certain that what you think is the only answer. I know that Vmin has been underrated and lack the same type of focused investigating that other ships have been subjugated to. In the end all I can really do is take in the things I see and weigh them against each other to come up to likely scenarios in my head and to me Vmin being in a relationship could make sense.

I write my own analysis and share them, but in the end these are just my views that I share with you. Every person could think and see different things and we don’t know the truth, so all I really do is give different possible explanations. I also think Vmin could use more analysis to balance against the other ships. Though the fact that there are so many weird things to find with multiple pairs in itself seems to indicate that they are all less likely to be real.

Thanks for the ask, and sorry for the long and complicated reply (I feel like I might come off as a bit pretentious). But I think this fandom could do well with being a little less black and white. Either way, I love Vmin’s bond no matter what kind of love they have for each other, and I will keep on writing analysis. For fun, and because sometimes there really are things that I think are worth looking into. Thank you again, this was an interesting question to try and answer.

[lookingforann]

L i f e  U p d a t e ~

Happy 2k19, everybody! I mean it’s already the second page of book 2k19, and I just had typical days. I chose to have a kinda free and relaxing time before I go back to work tomorrow. Yep, and that is the saddest thing at the moment. Paper works and stressful days are waiting for me. Huhuhu. Just thinking about the things I have to do especially for the next days and months to come, I just want to cry. Well, I have to face the consequence since I did not do anything this Christmas break. I love my life. 

Anyway, here are the things I did.

January 1, 2019 (now we have to adjust again in writing the year lol)

After spending the New Year’s Eve, nothing much happened in the morning except eating a lot. A lot. Mostly, sweets like graham, salad, and mango cake. I was really having a hard time what to eat first. I hope I only have that kind of problem in decision making. 

Decided to go out, or probably should I say to buy some necessities. I headed back home immediately.

Watched Infinity War again with my older siblings and ugh, I just got excited and stressed at the same time.

January 2, 2019

I woke up early! Hoooray! I realized that it’s not bad to wake up early and have some tea while listening to some OPM Hits. 

Was actually planning to go somewhere but decided not to because somehow, a realization hit me: “what for?”

Spent my whole day watching movies: Cinderella, Spirited Away, The Tale of Princess Kaguya. I watched the first two already. But I had some new realizations after watching them. I hope you don’t mind if what you will read next are my thoughts about them.

 “Where there is kindness, there is goodness. Where there is goodness,  there is magic.” - Cinderella, 2015

(I can still remember who I was with when I watched this in cinema)

Realizations:

It’s not bad to believe in magic sometimes (but I prefer believing in miracle hihi)

To be seen as we truly are is one of the biggest risks we will ever take, and sometimes, that is everything.

Be kind to people. One day, every kindness you gave will go back to you. And sometimes, it’s more than what you’d expect.

Don't be afraid of a little hard work.

To forgive is the most courageous act you could ever make.

When you choose to love, you always win.

“Nothing that happens is ever forgotten, even if you can’t remember it.” - Spirited Away

I already watched this so many times few years ago, but who cares? It never gets old! Spirited Away is one of my favorite Studio Ghibli movies! My love for the Haku is still the same.

Realizations:

Once you are fed of wrong things like selfishness and greed, you can turn in to this monster that somehow you never thought you could ever be.

Having a pure or genuine heart is what matters the most.

Show your gratitude and say thank you to the people who have helped you in anyway. 

Some people are actually the toxins of this world.

Sometimes when you are blinded of hardships and sufferings, you might lose yourself.

“But when she sang that song, tears would come to her eyes.” - The Tale of Princess Kaguya

This is the first time I’ve watched this, swear, I was mixed up. I got mixed feelings. Studio Ghibli never fails to amuse me.

Realizations:

Living means being with people you love the most.

This world will offer you a lot, but not all of them are true.

Sometimes we misinterpret what the Heaven wants us to do because of our own desires and ambitions -- and sometimes, it’s the reason why others or even ourselves get hurt.

There are things that are not meant to happen no matter how you badly want it.

There is someone who will always occupy a special space in your heart.

You will never understand how happiness looks like when you don’t undergo from sadness and sufferings. The more you feel it, the more you’ll eventually understand.

Until you have time, feel the joy of living.

There, I am so happy about these things and perspectives I’ve learned. I pray that I will always put these on my mind. ‘Til next post! Take a good care of yourself.

[vafanapoliputtana]

June 26 2017

Its almost 4am and there are so many things left unsaid that I wish you knew. So many "if", "what could've been" and "what should've been" But I've reached the point that I need to stop wishing and you need to start listening. So many times have I tried to pick on your mysterious mind, observing you from afar and watching your life pass on a daily basis. It grew from a simple admiration to obsessing and over analyzing ever word you utter, trying to find meaning to your every action. I watched you, observed and loved you from a distance like a little kid watching her favorite movie wishing that I was part of your world too. But like anything else, I need to stop wishing. The cycle of insecurities, threatening oppositions and false assumptions caused by my indecisive, dark mind has weathered us along with time. The distance has never felt more farther than its actual physicality. Our weary minds has taken toll on both the happiness that we once enjoyed, slowly losing hope on the possibility that we'll see each other again.

You never talked much; as much I tried to provoke you. Like the moon, you kept yourself distant; stern and aloof with one side of you hidden. I guess that's why I was so attracted to you; I saw an older shadow of myself. But like anything else, I eluded myself into thinking that maybe, just maybe, if I took myself to take the risk of finally letting my guard down and stop denying what I felt for you, i'd get you to do the same too. But I didn't. It was a failed attempt that I shouldn't have taken. Now find myself caught in the illusions of my expectations: concealing the real nature of reality. I was never fond of words nor actions. (You should've noticed that whenever I'm aloof with you sometimes.) Beneath the flirtatious jokes was a part of me that wanted you. You believed that actions speak louder than words; but you have to understand that I won't believe your words nor your actions until both can work simultaneously because words can be misinterpreted and are be full of lies as well as actions can be faked. Blame it on my history if you can; it's the only explanation I can provide for this defense mechanism that has served as my second skin. In the long run, never have I heard the things that I wish I would hear you say. It wasn't your fault. I'm sorry for putting the blame on you for my expectations and the the fact that I don't trust my instincts. Nothing haunts me more at night than not knowing or believing if you love me; because a part of me feel like you do.

I don't blame you if you want to leave; but you need to understand that it's hurting me bad. Every wound feels fresh even though I said I've developed a thick skin to pain. If only you knew how much I try to look for reasons to come back; if only you know how much I'm beating myself EVERY.FUCKING.DAY for failing you. If only you knew how much I try to fight my thoughts of knowing this can never work. The only thing making me hold on is because I believe. I believe in us. But my pathetic self isn't worth the fight. I'm a nobody with nothing to offer you but a crazy little mind that causes havoc out of the blue and a pure heart. I never meant to do you wrong; or hurt you. I don't think I'm ever capable of doing so no matter how much It hurts. My intentions are genuine and far from what this bad world has caused you. I see myself in you; who thinks that with every healed wound comes a thicker skin and a reminder of what was once a source of pain. But in reality, a scar is a scar; a reminder and a mark from the past. In reality, it's very rare that we get bruised on the same spot twice. Point taken: don't be afraid of getting hurt. You cant wear an armor forever. The bruise may be the same but how you got it and from where is different. It always is.

I learned this from you. From the time we first knew each other, little did you know I admired you for this. You were my favorite peculiar thing to observe, carefully taking mental notes of your visions of reality. You added the reality to the dream I clouded myself in. You were my personal black hole as well as my moon. As much as I tried to let go, you always pulled me back with that little hope in me that you're different from the rest. That got me expecting; Expecting that one day you realize that you need me too and see you coming for me rather than waiting.

I know that this idea will never happen. I know that the only day I'll see you again will depend on me... But that's not even the case anymore.

That's the thing that hurts me the most; my very own kryptonite. I'm incapable of dependency. I hate the fact that I cant change this to make us any better; i hate the fact that you'll never go through the lengths of what I'm willing to do if I can. Compromise and sacrifices are not part of our little dictionary, but it's something we beed to accept and do to make things function.

Don't think I'm not putting enough effort. All my effort has been placed and right now I'm just waiting for the chips to fall where they may. Time is unforgiving and stern. Time has always been a unbending contradiction. I'm done trying to mend things, i'm done trying to shake things up. The chips are on your hands now.

I don't want you to expect as much as I'm expecting from you. As much as I'd love beat the crap out of you right now for being a bitch: i still don't want to hurt you as much and you're hurting me. Just to make you feel the pain of how it hurts to expect that someday maybe you'll turn out of the blue, uninvited. Do you know how much it hurts waking up to empty mornings wishing you were here? or spacing out of nowhere in the middle of daydreaming a bunch of "what ifs".. and How it hurts knowing that someone else wants you and once had you. Knowing that this person is out there to give you want I cant. I can never turn my back against you like the others did. I wouldn't be me if it wasn't for you. As scary as it sounds, you've left your mark by shaping a part of me to see things from a different perspective of how i used to see the world. You calmed me down but at the same time caused a chaos to the things i try to keep in order: my mind and feelings.

there's an intangible string of what ifs, what could've been and should've been at this point and neither of us wanted to face the mess. What ifs, what should've beens and what could've been fuzzed by "why nots'" "what should be" and "what could be."

I still believe in that, but do you?

I'm sorry if I sound delusional at this point. I warned you I'm a bit mental with psychotic tendencies. It's about time you understand what I really feel. If only i can make you feel what I feel to make you understand. If only you can let me in as much as I let you in even though you're more of locked diary and I'm more of an open book. I want to make you understand that even your slightest actions affect me. Maybe I don't know what Im saying; nothing is crystal clear at this point but the fact that I'm hurting. It's all pain I see and feel at this point. No song or any other piece of craft can interpret this.

I dont want to be the one choking you

If you want to leave; just go.

I'm not going to stop you.

I cant keep being selfish.

If only we can go back to the place where we began; a fresh new start. Not as strangers but at the point when we were still happy.

I need to learn how to stop expecting and as always, i'm learning it from you.

But don't shut me out. Don't burn our bridge.

Thanks for everything.

You know I love you.

[ickypea]

1. Yes is know its my fault I feel this way, but im entitled to my own opinions and feelings

2. Im not mad at anyone, never was(if anything ill die happy abt it)

3. You made this about something I never talked about. I have no issue with queerness and i don’t remember mentioning it once in my writing. ‘ok fuck it’, I’m queer myself. Im talking about respect for someones creation. Yea maybe thingamy and bob represented tove and tuulikki, but moomin was toves alter ego as well, snufkin was based off of a man she was a relationship with at a point, and even the character too-ticky is based off her life partner, tuulikki. The story is seeping with toves life in a whole. I didn’t want to mention this in my writing because most of this stuff is really up to personal interpretation, even great book critics and scholars fight over how they interpret the meanings of books and poems. My viewpoint is that, why would tove make her alter ego in love with a man when she was in love with women? But I dont really care to talk about those things, its not relevant here. Im not going to ship them, but i never said other people couldn’t, and i never said i would hate them if they did, i never said anything about it being gay. I dont have an inherent problem with a ship, thats just dumb, stupid thing to have. I have an issue when people think its canon. Because thats where i get back to interpretation. After reading the books for my whole life i never thought that moomin and snufkin we’re in love! Someone might of had the same experience as me and been totally convinced they were! But im going off the fact that tove herself never said anything about them being in love. You can read between the lines and try really hard to prove a point but i just believe in the hard facts. I only learnt recently that tove was queer and honestly? It only made me love the moomins more because I DID relate to her experience and I’m amazed that she was willing to risk so much to live her life with Tuulikki because homosexual relationships were illegal when they met. I think you might have misinterpreted my writing in a negative way and i can see how thats easy to do, my thoughts aren’t exactly coherent with the general vibe of the fandom. But i have many friends who had the books when they were young and they all agree with what i said. Its a delicate thing, childhood, and it hurts when people mess with it, even though in this case it’s a completely unintentional action. Im not blaming people for hurting me. But i guess thats exactly how you feel when you think I’m attacking this ship. I want people to be excited about the story, i think moomin is getting popular for the wrong reasons, but not because the reason is gay, but because the relationship between moomin and snufkin, while important, is only one of many realtionships with wonderful dynamic. If your main interest in a story or show is because of a ship, it just doesn’t do the rest of the things in the story justice. I would have the exact same stance if people were hyped about shipping sniff and little my, its not personal to snufkin and moomin.

This is literally a children’s book series, and it just doesn’t feel right(to me at least) for the face of its surging popularity be a romanticized ship?? And everyone only cares about them??

I’m not trying to be angry or aggressive, I really do want to talk this out.

Regarding The Moomin Renaissance - an essay

Hi guys, general disclaimer: I’m not trying to attack people or denounce anyone for what they’re doing. This is only my opinion and my feelings and I’m just putting it out here, so please be respectful of my beliefs. Im always open to conversation so you’re welcome to tell me what you’re thinking. But if you wanna be mean, try and keep it to yourself.

As someone who has had the moomin books read to me since I was very small, passed down from my dad who also read them as a child, the books and their characters are extremely important to me and very close to my heart. Im ecstatic about the resurgence and new popularity of Moomintroll, it makes me very happy that people appreciate the things I love very much. Even though I’m happy, I feel that most of the general hype (moominxsnufkin) is a disservice to the books, the characters, and the author.

To clarify, I don’t *hate* the ship, but it definitely irks me when the only thing on the instagram #moomin tag is moominxsnufkin art. I know that it’s a popular thing to make queer ships (like klance and catradora) but the difference between those shows and Moomintroll is that Moomintroll was created by a single person, not a company or group like the other shows. Those remakes were only ‘based’ on the original story and the creators weren’t required to make the reboot 100% accurate to the original, change is actually encouraged. This feeds into the people that watch it as well. The reinvention of the story opens a door for individuals to create their own versions and headcanons. But unfortunately Tove Jansson, the creator of moomin, died and we only have the books she wrote. I guess the reason Im upset is because instead of people shipping moomin and snufkin in a post apocalyptic future biking gang remake show, its from the original books and stories. These stories are my childhood and the fact that people are changing the characters and interpreting them in ways they aren’t originally meant to be interpreted in feels so wrong and gives me a sick gut feeling. You’re absolutely welcome to create stories about the original characters or make your own moomin oc, it’s not up to me to decide what others do. But if you change the fundamental emotions of the characters, how they act or feel or who they are deep inside, I can only see it as irreverent and disrespectful to the original stories and Tove herself. To me, its similar to the situation with J.K. Rowling, of her inserting new things into the canon of the HP books. Lots of people hate it or got angry because it seems like she’s changing the characters to force more inclusivity into the story. It’s not the same situation, but for me it’s the same feeling.

I know lots of people are just now discovering the moomins because of the new show and might not really empathize with where I’m coming from. People see the cute ship and don’t know any better than to hop onboard, I know first hand. But the one thing that upsets me is that the internet is doing the moomins dirty by only focusing on two characters and one fabricated relationship. I want to clarify something, and I hate to be this person, but moomin and snufkin are in no way romantically involved. Moomin is not a coded gay character, and in no way is it implied in the original books. Sure, maybe people interpret the tv show as implying a relationship, but it’s not the original story. It frustrates me greatly when people try very hard to pull some small, out-of-context symbolism from scenes and then apply it to their ship, because it creates a broken, skewed representation of the characters. Sure! you can still ship moomin and snufkin, BUT IT IS NOT CANON. And it hurts me that the only thing people see when looking in at moomin is this ship, and not the story or the other characters. The posts that are like ‘i don’t know what moomin is all i know is the white hippo and the small witch guy are in love’ really frustrate me because it clearly shows what we’re reflecting out onto the world from inside our fandom, and it’s the moominxsnufkin ship and hardly anything else. If the ship is the first thing you see, and you get into moomin BECAUSE of the ship, that’s all you expect from the stories. You interpret everything from the viewpoint of ‘this ship is what I want to see’ and in turn, that all you see. It strips away the adventures and the lessons and every other great thing about the story and when you’re done you go back to posting a screencap from the show captioned “the way snufkin looks at moomintroll just screams ‘i love you’ uwu”.

When people hop on the bandwagon without knowing much about the show, it’s important to introduce them to the best of the fandom. There are so many other wonderful, funny, and weird characters hardly anyone is talking about. There are so many stories and adventures of moomin and friends that hardly anyone is talking about. Read the original books! Watch the old tv show! Educate yourself so you can show people what’s wonderful about moomin other than a ship.

We all know the internet is very capable of ruining good things, it happens all the time. This is just one thing I really don’t want it to kill.

If you read all of this, thank you. I have a discord server with links to PDFs of a few of the moomin books, anyone is welcome to join.

https://discord.gg/HMm6FJU