#i have many many points to back up this point but basically my conclusion is wild world has some better stand alone songs

[quarterprioritymidnight]

Doom Days IS the best album, wow you have taste!

thank you so much!!! i am fighting against the wild world girlies day and night for her (doom days). The best album, not only by the band bastille, but ever in the history of music <3

[headspace-hotel]

I will write this thought about Veganism and Classism in the USA in another post so as to not derail the other thread:

There are comments in the notes that say meat is only cheaper than plant based foods because of subsidies artificially lowering the price of meat in the United States. This is...part of the story but not all of it.

For my animal agriculture lab we went to a butcher shop and watched the butcher cut up a pig into various cuts of meat. I have had to study quite a bit about the meat industry in that class. This has been the first time I fully realized how strongly the meat on a single animal is divided up by socioeconomic class.

Like yes, meat cumulatively takes more natural resources to create and thus should be more expensive, but once that animal is cut apart, it is divided up between rich and poor based on how good to eat the parts are. I was really shocked at watching this process and seeing just how clean and crisp an indicator of class this is.

Specifically, the types of meat I'm most familiar with are traditionally "waste" parts left over once the desirable parts are gone. For example, beef brisket is the dangly, floppy bit on the front of a cow's neck. Pork spareribs are the part of the ribcage that's barely got anything on it.

And that stuff is a tier above the "meat" that is most of what poor people eat: sausage, hot dogs, bologna, other heavily processed meat products that are essentially made up of all the scraps from the carcass that can't go into the "cuts" of meat. Where my mom comes from in North Carolina, you can buy "livermush" which is a processed meat product made up of a mixture of liver and a bunch of random body parts ground up and congealed together. There's also "head cheese" (made of parts of the pig's head) and pickled pigs' feet and chitlin's (that's made of intestines iirc) and cracklin's (basically crispy fried pig skin) and probably a bunch of stuff i'm forgetting. A lot of traditional Southern cooking uses basically scraps of animal ingredients to stretch across multiple meals, like putting pork fat in beans or saving bacon grease for gravy or the like.

So another dysfunctional thing about our food system, is that instead of people of each socioeconomic class eating a certain number of animals, every individual animal is basically divided up along class lines, with the poorest people eating the scraps no one else will eat (oftentimes heavily processed in a way that makes it incredibly unhealthy).

Even the 70% lean ground beef is made by injecting extra leftover fat back into the ground-up meat because the extra fat is undesirable on the "better" cuts. (Gross!)

I've made, or eaten, many a recipe where the only thing that makes it non-vegan is the chicken broth. Chicken broth, just leftover chicken bones and cartilage rendered and boiled down in water? How much is that "driving demand" for meat, when it's basically a byproduct?

That class really made me twist my brain around about the idea of abstaining from animal products as a way to deprive the industry of profits. Nobody eats "X number of cows, pigs, chickens in a lifetime" because depending on the socioeconomic class, they're eating different parts of the animal, splitting it with someone richer or poorer than they are. If a bunch of people who only ate processed meats anyway abstained, that wouldn't equal "saving" X number of animals, it would just mean the scraps and byproducts from a bunch of people's steaks or pork chops would have something different happen to them.

The other major relevant conclusion I got from that class, was that animal agriculture is so dominant because of monoculture. People think it's animal agriculture vs. plant agriculture (or plants used for human consumption vs. using them to feed livestock), but from capitalism's point of view, feeding animals corn is just another way to use corn to generate profits.

People think we could feed the world by using the grain fed to animals to feed humans, but...the grain fed to animals, is not actually a viable diet for the human population, because it's literally just corn and soybean. Like animal agriculture is used to give some semblance of variety to the consumer's diet in a system that is almost totally dominated by like 3 monocrops.

Do y'all have any idea how much of the American diet is just corn?!?! Corn starch, corn syrup, corn this, corn that, processed into the appearance of variety. And chickens and pigs are just another way to process corn. That's basically why we have them, because they can eat our corn. It's a total disaster.

And it's even worse because almost all the USA's plant foods that aren't the giant industrial monocrops maintained by pesticides and machines, are harvested and cared for by undocumented migrant workers that get abused and mistreated and can't say anything because their boss will tattle on them to ICE.

[cadaveerie]

cw: child abuse and non-sexual grooming

VEILGUARD SPOILERS (from lucanis' writing, a mission towards the ending and a little general)

About Lucanis and the Antivan Crows...

after finishing datv, I can finally say for sure that despite the fact that i find this game was overall fine, there are several things about it that have disappointed me. one of those things is about lucanis (and it's not even the only thing about lucanis that bothers me, but we'll leave that discussion for another time, because there's a lot to say about the writing).

in this game, Caterina Dellamorte (lucanis and illario's grandmother) is portrayed as a woman that's cold and demanding. not particularly nice, lucanis fully acknowledges that she's not exactly the loving type, and it's easy to assume things about her and about their relationship based on that... but for some reason it's never addressed that she abused lucanis when he was a child, by beating him and starving him. this is something that you can read in lucanis' story in tevinter nights, the wigmaker job, which was lucanis' introduction.

"Memories of sweat-filled days without food or water came unbidden Lucanis’s back tingled from where his grandmother’s cane had bruised his flesh for letting his guard down or fumbling his footwork. For years, he’d hated her. But his time as a Master taught Lucanis that Caterina’s cruelty was her way he was prepared for this life—that he survived."

I was waiting to finish the game before I said it, because I expected him to mention at some point but... no, nothing. I don't know if there's anything in a codex or something specific I missed, but even if that's the case, I expected it to be significant at all. it wasn't.

i'm not even going to get into what lucanis should feel about this. before the game came out i talked about some of my hopes for him based on the info we had about him, and imo there was not even half of that level of depth to his character. but i wouldnt have minded if the game went in another direction, or if lucanis simply just wasnt open to discuss it, or if he came to the conclusion that it was fine. i won't get into how "problematic" thinking that is, because i could understand that he tells himself that, and as a fucking assassin, i understand that he's come to terms with it because otherwise he probably wouldnt have survived in such a dangerous enviroment. i won't get into it bc as i said, i can understand it. my problem is that lucanis never says it. he never tells rook or anyone else that caterina abused him, or that the crows overall are very abusive and that they do this to children and break their minds basically in order to become emotionless living weapons. and if this is said in any banter, then i missed it in my 91h of gameplay, and i had lucanis in my party every single time we went outside. or it might be in a codex entry, idk. the point is that even if that's the case, that's not a great way to tell this info, especially when in the story theres no other way to learn anything like this about the crows. ppl that i talked to that didnt read tevinter nights didnt know this fact abt caterina and lucanis' past, they simply didnt cause how could they. I just wanted to say this because I think it's important to know if you like lucanis, or the antivan crows, and it's never even actually implied.

I also have many other issues with his writing, but the antivan crows are unfortunately also whitewashed. at least if you've played dragon age origins you know this, but our first antivan crow companion, zevran, talks about how he was taken as a child by the antivan crows. how he was literally bought by them as an orphan, and forced to become an assassin, and when he tries to flee, they attempt to murder him throughout the game. he even talks about how apparently some crows even made their members go through blood magic rituals to acquire abilities (SOUND FAMILIAR? IT'S LITERALLY WHAT ZARA DOES TO LUCANIS, ISN'T IT. HOW FUCKED UP). i think it's so disrespectful to dragon age's worldbuilding and so appalling that they simply... ignored all of this. I'm very upset that this was completely whitewashed. i wont get into it, but i assume they didn't show the crows being awful because, well... they have to be the good alternative for government in antiva. the bad guys are the antaam, and that's it. but one of the things i always loved about dragon age is how they treat these sort of political things. as i said, in origins the crows were more of an antagonistic figure, but at least it made them feel more real and serious. and people loved the crows like they were, fucked up assassins. in this game... idk, am i supposed to believe the assassin guys are nice? why hide the ugly? of course it's gonna be there, and it's ok. irl it happens a lot that oppressed people have to rely on groups that are less than ideal for their liberation, and a lot of times citizens are kinda ok w it bc no one else will stand up for them, so they have to work w what they have, and they're just relieved theres someone there for them. and it also shows that people are not perfect victims. if you're putting ppl in a corner, at some point ppl are rarely gonna care about being "good", and it's only human. and im not even gonna get into being an antivan crow rook because... sigh, it's more of the same. just disappointing. rook even mentions that theyre an orphan. and im pretty sure in the final mission about treviso, at least if you helped jacobus, he is like "i'll take in orphans and give them a chance". oh man, yeah. cool. please tell me how you'll raise them to be, im so curious to see how you won't groom children and abuse them into becoming mindless cold soldiers. that's fucking insane. this feels like fucking US army levels of propaganda and grooming. i love when we normalize child soldiers that's so fucking awesome i love this "woke" game when it's pro-military and anti-fucking-questioning-anything-a-military-force-does.

i even wondered if all of this has been retconned or simply ignored. i dont have a problem w retconning overall, and it's only natural it would happen in a franchise that's as old as DA, but the thing is... why would you do it. it literally just makes them flatter, it doesn't make any fucking sense.

so yes. im VERY disappointed in this game and the writing. this is one of the many things in the writing that disappointed me. the antivan crows are an organization that bring hope, and im perfectly fine with them being portrayed as "saviors", but im not ok with them conveniently not addressing any of their very bad issues. it's unrealistic. it's disrespectful to our intelligence, to dragon age fans and to dragon age origins. it's disrespectful to characters like zevran, who got into an insane war with them for a fucking reason. it's disrespectful to every antivan crow character to be honest. and im sorry, i dont even think this is insane to ask from them. like.... im literally just asking for consistency. they had it already, i dont understand why they did this. i had faith in them, but perhaps that's on me. im so heartbroken.

and i promise i actually think the game overall is ok. it was fun. definitely one of my least favorite games, if not my least favorite, but still. i appreciate it, and LOVED. LOVEEED some scenes. in fact, it might have at the very least one of my favorite scenes from the whole franchise. i think this game has very low points, and very high points, so it's hard to say what i think about it in few words.... but there are so many things like this in the writing, and it's just SO upsetting and disrespectful. im sorry. im truly sorry, you don't know how much i wanted to love this game and the writing. you have no idea. but i have self respect, and i don't lie to myself when i see something i dont like. it feels like they're whitewashing the crows cause we'd be too stupid to understand complex political issues. i thought this game was mature and could handle mature themes, but it doesnt seem like it's the case anymore. perhaps bioware is dead. i still want to believe they can come back from this but......... the post credit scene doesnt reassure me AT ALL. sigh. im just upset and sad. and as i said, this is only one of my many issues. i'll talk about the rest in the future, but im writing all of it down and i need time for that. i hope you understand that this comes from a place of genuine love. sorry i can't be happy about this game, but some of the stuff i see just ruins the rest for me.

edit: someone told me that apparently theres a banter when you go to dellamorte's villa and lucanis *implies* that he was beat by his grandmother (at least to another antivan crow rook). this whole post still stands though. i think that should have not been a banter that i (and im sure others) missed. and again, it also ties to how i think the crows as an organization and their methods were whitewashed. even if it's not particularly a lucanis problem, it could have been to some extent addressed by him.

[armageddon-generation]

Empire of Death was bad and cemented several fundemental flaws in this season.

I watched this in the theatre, and the contrast between everyone's excitement before Empire, and their universal disappointment leaving the theatre was super disheartening. I'm gonna try to articulate my problems with episode, and how they're linked to fundenental structural issues of this season.

SPOILERS BELOW:

Sutekh

The moment the UNIT characters died the story was robbed of any stakes. (Also? Kate and Ibrahim?? During Pride month?? Disgusting)

Sutekh was pointless, big CGI spectacle who was barely there. Saying he's been latched onto the TARDIS since Pyramids of Mars was such an asspull. Why couldn't he have latched on during Wild Blue Yonder? wouldn't that make much more sense??

You're telling me the guy who holds all life in contempt is invested enough in learning the identity of Ruby's mum he willingly reveals himself??

And then they defeat him by dragging him through the Vortex just like before, which it's been explicitly stated *didn't work* last time? He just *lets* Ruby leash him??

The 'death of death is life' bit, and the idea of the Doctor representing life as a Ying to Sutekh's Yang, is a cool concept just jammed in there with no real buildup or depth.

The issue is bringing Sutekh back takes so much effort- a literal, clunky clipshow of Pyramids of Mars, a whole episode spent building up to the reveal of a silly anagram entirely unrekated to Sutekh's previous appearance. And it just... amounts to nothing. What a silly way to cap off a season meant to be jumping-on point for brand-new viewers.

Mel was just takingup space. Pointless.

Ruby's Mother

I don't have a problem with the *concept* of Ruby's mum being normal. I really like the idea thematically. The execution was terrible.

First of all it leaves so many unanswered questions (why the snow? Why was time changing? Why was she shadowed? Literally just for the sake of the mystery-box?) and represents the worst thing about this new era- RTD using fantasy logic to handwave any logic at all, and just do whatever he wants without properly justifying it.

Second, I *hate* how easy and simple and neat the reunion is. Ruby seems incapable of getting angry with anyone. She has never once argued with 15, or Carla, or anyone besides that one moment in 73 Yards. She has never expressed any kind of negative feeling towards her mother for abandoning her. And it's fine for her to reach that conclusion! It's just bizzare we never see Ruby struggle with her feelings beyond the shallow goal of wanting to find her.

(Also Carla? Has nothing to say?? Just welcomes that woman in with basically no comment? Carla is a 2D cutout of a person, used as a plot device and otherwise relegated to the single character trait of I Love My Daughter. The children yearn for the ilk of Jackie Tyler, Sylvia Noble, even Francine Jones.)

15 & Ruby

The emotion behind 15 & Ruby's split felt entirely unearned because we've never seen their bond develop. They never argue, never disagree, Ruby hasn't learned anything about herself or grown or changed. The closest we got to that is 73 Yards, which was undone. She was already brave and kind and musical and sure she loved her adoptive family when we met her in Church on Ruby Road.

Similarly, 15 tells us Ruby encouraged him to talk about family in a way he never has, but that was in what, two moments across the season? And they seemed random, unrelated to Ruby being with him. New viewers will assume 15 is just that open anyway- he was discussing fatherhood with a dead man's hologram- and old viewers assumed trauma-dumping was just a new trait of 15's personality, not Ruby-specific.

The problem is we're told Ruby & 15 are best friends but it isn't earned. I liked 15 crying initially but both he and Ruby do it so much (15 cries about 5 times in this one episode) it loses its impact and I'm becoming numb to it. There is no contrast, no downtime.

Season Structural Issues

I think the biggest problem is Season 1's storytelling priorities. It's much more interested in selling *the show* (look at our big budget! And guest stars! And how flexible our format is! Musical episode! The Beatles as props! Bottle episode! Indie folk-horror! Black Mirror! Gay Bridgerton!) it forgot to put effort into developing and investing us in its characters. I liked a lot of the individual stories this year but in retrospect a lot of them feel like they're wasting space that needed to go to essential character and theme setup.

These skewed priorities, combined with the cut down episode count, really impact the pacing of the season. Ruby and 15 were barely together! Even in Rogue they were seperated for most of the story!! We only loop back to a flashback of 15 meeting Carla in Rogue!

This is made worse by the baffling insistence on a 45-minute runtime. We know key sequences were cut from almost every episode, with highlights including:

The Gobin King invading Ruby's flat and her banishing him with scratchcards in The Church on Ruby Road: Her missing 'companion saves the day' moment!

Refrence to the Toymaker in The Church on Ruby Road, which was itself referenced in The Devil's Chord. 'I told you about the Toymaker when we first met' sir, objectively you did not.

The TARDIS jukebox playing the Sugarbabes' Push The Button in the opening scene of Space Babies, hastily cut around in the final edit. This is the setup of a running joke still in the episode, and part of the story's climax. The first encounter with the Bogeyman was also longer, with 15 taking particular interest in its skin

Extended scenes in Abbey Road from The Devil's Chord, including an apparently significant speaking role for Cilla Black, according to her annoyed actress.

Cut dialogue from The Devil's Chord explaining the musoical number was caused by Maestro's power lingering, and that banishing them undid everything they'd done. Fans inferred thos based on the rules established in The Giggle, but again, new fans haven't seen The Giggle and were left clueless.

An opening sequence for The Legend of Ruby Sunday where 15 & Ruby meet Susan as a nanny in 1947 America, a blue-skinned waitress, and an astronaut meeting a colony of giant, sentient ants. At the end of this we actually see 15 decide to go to UNIT for help. In the broadcast version he just sorta shows up.

Really what Empire of Death exposed to me is how emotionally hollow the season was. I enjoy the exoperimentalism, but not at the cost of character. And then in the finale Russell reverts to almost a parody of his RTD1 finales, with the nonsense logic and lack of consequences. All the worst bits of Last of the Time Lords and The Giggle put in a blender.

[tales-from-the-aether-ttrpg]

Something ive noticed about a lot of people who play dnd (myself included) is that… they arent really playing dnd.

I don’t mean that in the - they’ve homebrewed the system to the point where they are basically playing a completely different game. i mean it in the way that dnd is less of a game and more of a tool or frame work to tell improve stories with friends. Thats why so many tables have a significant amount of homebrew rules or play it loose with the rules - because dnd is secondary to the act of telling a story.

Unfortunately, dnd wasn’t built for such a narratively focused sandbox. It was built around dungeons and adventuring and violence in general - an aspect that is only a fraction of many stories that dnd is used to tell.

I think that is why so many people are resistant from trying other ttrpg systems that may give them a better player experience. They dont play dnd to play dnd but they dont even realize that. The game is secondary so why does it matter what game they play? Everyone at their table is already versed in dnd so they can make it work as a framework even if its trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

This is something ive been thinking about a lot while making my ttrpg Tales from the Aether as I am inspecting my own view and experience with dnd and what i enjoy about it versus what could be done better. Why do me and my friends play dnd? To hang out and tell stories. Dnd happens to be the system i knew at the time we started and thus it is the one we used. But there is nothing particular about dnd that supports this goal while there are many things that hold us back - such as characters archetypes and classes being so ridged and having practically zero guidance for running the game outside of combat or adventuring. This is where homebrew comes in.

Ironically thats the entire premise of Tales from the Aether. I started making it years ago with the idea that this system is specifically a framework for people to tell improve stories with friends. That is the whole point. All of the mechanics revolve around giving players the tools to do what they want while the rules act more as a form of in universe world building (like a hard magic system) than actual rules.

The reason why so many people who play dnd are hesitant or straight up refuse to try out other ttrpgs is because the game is secondary. Its a tool. Its a framework that they can build off of to create the experience that they want. Its familiar so they know how to bend it, what parts to chip off or expand, to give them what they want. A new ttrpg, even if its one that gives them everything they want in a ttrpg, is unfamiliar and thus not worth investing in when they already have something that works well enough.

Idk i may be way off base here but from my own experience and from watching live plays and reading people’s takes on dnd and playing the game… thats kinda the conclusion ive come to.

[fillinforlater]

Phone Part 10: Return of the Angel +3

Male Reader x Kim Minju, Yeh Shuhua, Jung Eunbi (Eunha), Hwang Eunbi (SinB)

Length: 1550 words

Tags: strap-ons, lesbian sex, spitroasting, double penetration, overstimulation, loveless sex, voyeurism, watching, fingering thigh riding

TW: messy crazy bs

(A/N: this series randomly returns because I just needed to get this idea out of my system for good. This might be the conclusion to it, but probably not... well, maybe you send me some ideas to where this could lead up to.)

"I'll get going."

Bomi kisses your cheek, that sore cheek, sore like every patch of your skin, every bone in your body and every damn muscle, some of them you didn't even know could hurt before today. Hell, you don't even have the strength to give Bomi a proper goodbye, a weak wave is all you can muster up.

She'll not be mad at you. For what might have been either 15 or 150 minutes, you have taken turns on her and Shuhua's pussy—licking, fingering, fucking them until those tight caverns each got a big load in them. In the meantime, Minju has been their plaything. Especially Shuhua has this cruelty towards her "friend", edging her with fingers, reddening her thighs with extremely hard slaps and always promising that she'll get your cock—just to claim you with her pussy again.

You turn around when Bomi closes the door. Shuhua and Minju wrestle on the couch, the latter clearly outmatched when Shuhua puts her in a headlock with her thunder thighs. Minju tries to escape with licks on Shuhua's clit but can't find it—the nightmare of so many guys.

"Cut it out, you two," you groan, fingers on your temple. 

"N-no," Minju whines. "Minju still needs cock, wants cum in her tummy!"

"I can't." Point at your limp dick, absolutely spent. "And I have a headache. At this point, I’ll start to hate sex. Fucking hell, I'll make myself tea."

"Oh, I have an idea," Shuhua smirks and reaches for her phone while you leave for the kitchen. Whatever it is, you don’t want to deal with it. You need something relaxing, something herbal, to heal all the soreness in your body. It’s incredible to think that there is something like too much sex. You’re really close to giving up on it, even though two nymphomaniacs have turned your house into sex hub.

“No, no, stay down. You’ll get cock soon,” you hear Shuhua belittle Minju, who just whines in her usual tone. She seems to not be a bit tired after all this.

“Well, it won’t be mine,” you shout back, watching the hot water fill your cup and turn the leaves into something magical.

“Yeah, I know, you’re basically useless at this point.” Ouch, that stings. “That’s why I called back up.”

“You what?!”

“They should be here any minute now.”

Shuhua is spot on. Before your tea is finished steeping, your door bursts open. But instead of a hung man, two rather petite women enter your house. Both have a bored look on their face and immediately get to undressing. Overcoats seem to be the shit right now, and no matter who comes through your front door, they always drop it on the floor. 

“Uhm, hello?” you carefully greet them before remembering that this is your home, your kingdom! You can’t let strangers just walk in like they own the place. “This is kinda rude, you know?”

“Don’t care,” says the taller one with long, raven hair, dressed only in jeans. “We have business to do. Also, it’s rude to just stand there, naked, while two ladies walk in.” You blush and hide your crotch with the tea cup.

“We aren’t ladies, stop kidding yourself,” the other snarks back, while climbing out of her skirt. “I bet he is a good fuck, you shouldn’t kill your chances already.”

“Eh, I’ll think about it, but first—” Both girls suddenly pull out two strap-ons from God-knows-where and put them on with the casualness one would wear a fricking hat. The taller one hasn’t even removed her jeans, wearing the harness over it, while the other is fully naked and flaunts her butt at you.

“Yeah, I know, we got shit to do.” The short haired girl slaps her butt and you almost drop the cup when she walks past you with a wink. “Shuhua, where is this needy bitch? Or are you the needy bitch?”

“Oh, it’s so nice to see you, Eunbi and Eunbi,” Shuhua greets them and points at Minju, still trapped in between her fat thighs. “Look who I found.”

“She is insatiable. Incredible that he can still stand,” the shorter Eunbi says.

“Hm, maybe he is a good fuck. Anyways, we’ll try our best to keep her down,” the taller Eunbi says. The three conspirators try to agree on a strategy on how to fuck the angelic girl. You’ve become invisible in your own house, your entry to the living room goes largely unnoticed. Except for Minju who pouts at you when the two Eunbis lift her up and put her in a doggy position. The shorter one is below her, the other is ready to press the plastic cock into Minju’s puckered hole.

"Should we do it at the—nevermind, you're already in." The small Eunbi groans in annoyance, the other looks unapologetic and starts to rut slowly against Minju's butt. The long shaft forcing open Minju’s hole, paired with the denim on her sore, pink buttocks, must feel incredible and incredibly painful at the same time. Who knows which of the two makes Minju wail and moan more.

"Come on, Eunha, shove it in her sex," Shuhua urges on the Eunbi below as she excitedly stares at the unholy sight of fake cocks on ready holes. Her eyes mimic the camera lens for a porn shoot, while you're the director, watching the scene play out. Either way, it's good content.

"Minju's pussy, Minju's ass, so full!" Minju is loud, louder than before. Shuhua is having none of it.

"Shut up. SinB, make her stay quiet. And don't let her cum."

Two hands move to cover Minju's mouth, two cocks move in and out at a rapid pace, two sets of eyes watch on in awe. Satisfied with what crazy madness she has come up with, Shuhua sits down next to you and lazily jerks your cock with two fingers. Oh, that victorious smile, glassy, lewd eyes, you'd love to wipe it off her face.

"You like what you see? Now you don't have to do anything anymore."

"What was that about me being useless?" Grab her by the throat and spit in her face. She looks pissed, you love it. "I came in you, even when Minju was willing to do anything to get my load and now you're still cruel to her? Seems mildly unfair."

"And what are you gonna do about it? Fuck her, if you can."

Shuhua is bratty, but just as much as she is bratty, she is also light. You easily place her nude frame on your thigh, her still dripping, creaming heat right on your skin. She hisses and you tighten your grip on her throat.

"I'm going to make you cum—you know I can, it's super easy—but only if you tell those two friends of yours to make Minju cum until she passes out.”

“Fuck, bastard,” Shuhua hisses. With your thumb on her clit, this is easily the quietest and tamest she has been for hours. Her body twitches, an honest reaction to how much she is addicted to the mind-blowing orgasms you can get out of her. Such a small finger, yet she is squirming, contemplating, faltering.

“Those two are so cruel,” you tell Shuhua, nose deep in her greasy hair. “They fuck her so hard, just to pull out at the last moment. Why do you want to torture Minju so bad?”

“Be-because she needs to get to the-the point.”

“What point?”

“The point where sex is no fun. She can go forever. She will never stop, your—fuck—plan to make her p-pass out, useless.”

This explains a lot. The Angel is insatiable, her lust seems infinite, but Shuhua’s plan—won’t it make things worse? At some point, SinB and Eunha will have to stop and Minju will be more desperate than ever. She will wobble through the house, tackle you the second she sees you and will force your cock in her pussy no matter what. A true tragedy.

“Well, I don’t care,” you say and tug at one of Shuhua’s nipples, she bites her fingers. “You’ve been too greedy, time for her to—”

“Fuck, fine.

“SinB, don’t hold back. Eunha, suck her tits, overstimulate this bitch!”

“What?” the two ask in unison and disbelief.

“Do-don’t ask questions, please, just do it!”

The way the two purple plastic cocks move in and out of Minju with the sole goal of too much pleasure has you satisfied and in a new heat, your cock hardening slowly but surely. With an ever increasing rhythm, you move your thigh up and down and Shuhua starts to ride, her loudness increasing again. She is as close as Minju and it only takes SinB pulling those messed up oak strands, you to rub Shuhua’s clit, for them both to explode. 

You focus not on Shuhua shuddering, shaking on you, but at Minju’s expression. Her eyes jump wide, then tears shoot out and flow down, just to be blocked by SinB’s hands on her mouth. She’d be so loud, words messier than her hair would fill the room. After this peak, both collapse. Shuhua meets the floor, Minju falls on top of Eunha, who still thrusts, even spanks the Angel’s ass. 

You’re hard again. Where is this going to end?

[cephalofrog]

been playing rain world and thinking about saint again recently

full rain world spoilers below

I hate the "saint is the triple affirmative" interpretation. hate even more how it appears to have become the accepted truth in the fandom

first off, my dislike for this interpretation is not logical. it isn't something I can be convinced out of using canon evidence, because my reason for not interpreting the story this way is not evidence-based, it's because I don't find it to be a satisfying conclusion to the entire story of rain world.

but here's some rambling about logical reasons why it doesn't make sense anyway

if saint was created as the triple affirmative by sliver, that makes them extremely old - they came into existence LONG before spearmaster's campaign even started. if they came into existence with the purpose of ascending iterators, they sure took a long time to ascend any iterators - like okay, travel time and whatever, but you'd think they'd get at least one or two more before all the iterator comms break down entirely post-spearmaster. SM and hunter managed to get from SRS and NSH to the pebbs/moon area pretty quickly.

they also have fur, which seems to be an adaptation for the cold judging by the lizards in the campaign, despite the world not being cold at the point at which they were created. this could be easily explained by sliver just being very forward-thinking, but...

if sliver created saint, their entire triple affirmative thing comes across as incredibly thoughtless, which imo contrasts with sliver being forward-thinking enough to make saint immune to cold. like they finally created the magical rat that will ascend them all but didn't even think to send out a message beforehand like "hey guys I'm trying something new if I send out the triple affirmative and die right after this it worked and you should be visited by a flying green dude with an ascension beam at some point in the future"

there's also the thing of... wait so how does this whole iterator ascension work again? cause saint's timeline loops. after they ascend, they end up back in sky islands, with the iterators back where they were. this could be explained by "later playthrough loops aren't canon and pebbs and moon are ascended if you got em" but there's literally a specific gameplay mechanic - carrying stuff in your stomach between campaigns - meant to make it clear that the campaign is a loop.

anyway. the real reason I hate the theory isn't related to any of this - it's that it absolutely destroys pebbles and moon's story, thematically speaking.

sliver of straw's triple affirmative/death is a random event that could mean basically anything. the futility pebbles felt around trying to solve the great problem caused him to assign meaning to sliver's death that wasn't necessarily there - they found the solution, and it was self-destruction. that's what they were trying to tell everyone. it wasn't a random event, the triple affirmative was real. one of the bugs in the maze found the way out, and he's going to prove it to everyone by following them and escaping.

and that's what leads to the events of the main story. this random event - this horrible tragedy, the death of someone who seemed to mean so much to so many people - was assigned meaning by someone desperate to prove that his entire existence, and the existences of everyone around him, are not futile. the ancients created the iterators without knowing whether the answer to the great problem could ever be found, and this is the result of that.

a nihilistic, hopeless person, abandoned by his creators to work forever on an unsolvable problem, assigns meaning to a random tragedy, and tunnel visions on what he has to believe is what he's been looking for - because it is an unimaginable understatement to say that the alternative would be worse than death. and then, in his self-destructive desperation, he kills his sibling* and dooms himself to the slowest, most painful death imaginable. this is the legacy of the ancients' dead society, the result of all of their stupid ideals and obsession with karmic perfection. (*as far as he knows)

but saint being the triple affirmative undermines all of that. not only does it make sliver's death less of a tragedy and more of a noble sacrifice - like yeah, sure, they were loved, but solving the great problem was far more important - but it also makes pebbles look less desperate and more just kinda stupid. like you thought that the solution was self-destruction? nah, it's a magical flying rat. in this version of the story, pebbles wasn't striving for something that didn't exist, he was just not smart enough to figure out the real solution.

even outside of canon evidence, that sucks. it causes pebbles' story to go from being about how you should value the people around you over the impossible striving that life always seems to expect from you or you're gonna end up hurting them and yourself to how you should just be smarter to find the right solution to all of your problems.

anyway as for my own interpretation of saint, I think that the campaign is just a representation of what it's like to be an echo. reliving the moments that led up to your failed ascension over and over, reaching maximum karma and gaining superpowers because you're just that karmically pure - you are a saint, after all - and then letting your ego consume you at the crucial moment of ascension, over and over again, cycling into infinity. (I don't think they actually had superpowers prior to ascending, I just think that they kinda thought of themselves so highly that they thought they should have those powers.) then contrast this with the world as the age of the iterators and the rain finally ends, and you have an unchanging echo reliving the same few cycles over and over contrasted with a world that is, at last, changing and moving on.

yeah it doesn't make sense with the joint iterator dialogue in rubicon (at least, the final line doesn't make sense). I don't care. it's what makes me happy as an interpretation. you can pry my morally dubious hypocritical ego-driven saint from my cold dead hands

[beaniegaebie]

i don't really have any solid conclusions about this yet but i noticed A Thing in a rewatch and i haven't found it mentioned elsewhere yet so here we go

(apologies for the appalling image quality you're about to see, i can't screenshot easily rn pls bear with)

OKAY so in the scene where crowley confronts gabriel about "shut up and die", something about the arrangement of book stacks caught my eye a little

the majority of the books are angled so that we mostly just see the page edges and not the spines clearly, EXCEPT for a particularly shiny and familiar colour combo right here-

but nothing too weird going on there, i thought, crowley coloured books in a bookshop so what? right up until i registered crowley's line when we get a closer look-

hhhhmmmmMMmmmm yes yes "everything just the way you wanted" huh, very interesting considering that we know how much thought goes into props huh

and for most of the shots we get of crowley in this position those freaking books are just quietly nestled right there in the corner-

look at that god damn framing i fuckin see you, you glorious bastards

so i paused to see if i could figure out what the hell was up with those fuckers and this is when i absolutely lost my mind, your honour

A and C you say?? in crowley colours???? framed like this?????? localised entirely within your kitchen???

anyway long story short they're two books from an Agatha Christie Crime Collection set (24 volumes, three stories per volume) and guess whats on the mfing front covers I'm-

(its a rant for another post but when paired with this other set of initials spotted in s2 i want to scream actually)

ANYWAY back to the books, through an absolutely unhinged comparison of the formatting of gold text blobs i reckon the two we have here are:

(on top) The Pale Horse; The Big Four, The Secret Adversary

(on bottom) 4:50 From Paddington, Lord Edgeware Dies, Murder in Mesopotamia

(I'm fairly confident but if anyone has a better image to confirm/correct this pls do)

now here is where I'll need a bunch of help from some Christie-heads out there bc I haven't read any of these and I've only seen the tv adaptation of one of them, so i dont know for sure if these are like A Clue, or A Cool Thing, or if I've just fully brainrotted myself into a fun lil corner here? wa-hoo

but here's some initial stuff that jumped out at me after skimming the basics:

(some of) the titles: Pale Horse/Big Four - death's horse ofc, the four horsemen mayb? the them+adam?? ; Mesopotamia is a very biblical choice bbz ; 4:50 From Paddington- azi likes trains i guess? idk that one's tenuous lmao ; honestly no idea with the other two but Secret Adversary feels a tad ominous

iirc Big Four just has kind of an unusual history, it was initially twelve short stories that she later compiled into one, and it was published fairly soon after christie's mysterious disappearance/reappearance

in Big Four, poirot fakes his death at one point and doesnt even let hastings in on it and I'm hoping sure its totally irrelevant to the ineffable bois

part of the Pale Horse story is a group of assassins that basically try to pass off all their murders as being actually caused by like ✨satanic powers✨ which is interesting

christie knew a fUCkton about poisonings thats why she wrote so many into her work and, while i don't believe the poison coffee theory myself, it sure is an interesting link with how cyanide is associated with almond smell/flavour and that metatron chooses almond syrup in particular

(ALSO random side note that is mostly meaningless but I've worked in a good few uk coffee shops and have never worked anywhere that stocks almond syrup; almond milk yes, hazelnut syrup yes, but never almond syrup...? prob just the places i worked though lmao)

EDIT forgotten point: I've seen some speculation that the bently's plate reading "CURTAIN" could be a reference to poirot's last story, along side that alternate scene of crowley ordering the sherry for "miss marple", its just one too many agatha christie references for my melted brain to handle and I'm SUS

so this is where i run out of idea steam and hand it over to you lot because i have no clue what this could mean, if it even means anything other than a cool set feature

is there something here actually or am i yelling into the void just for fun?

who knows, who cares!

[maximoffcarter]

You didn't know?

Pairings: Alex Cabot x reader.

Summary: Y/n and Alex have been dating for a while, but no one in the squad knows about it. Right?

A/n: Another beautiful request but this time...Alex Cabot x reader. I gotta admit I have many of these, both for Casey and Alex, and let me tell you...it's comfort. So, if you have any more reader inserts, lemme know. Enjoy and leave your comments, reblog, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

If there was something about the SVU squad, was that they all had their backs, no matter what. Either they had some issues, they were attacked, they were at risk, whatever they needed, they were there for each other. But something that they didn’t find odd at all was that they really didn’t talk much about their personal lives. Of course, everyone knew Stabler’s kids and wife, they knew about Fin’s son, Much didn’t actually say much but Stabler knew he had a brother, and Olivia, they knew about her mother that had now passed away. Alexandra Cabot learned a thing about everyone every single day, from the day she joined, she learned to study them and get her own conclusions until proven wrong, that’s the way she got to know people. It was no surprise that Alex was a private person, people knew some things about her but nothing too personal, whatever she did after work, it was for her to know and for the rest to wonder. It was even uncommon to see her in normal clothes, always wearing some fancy brand suit with her perfect hair, so if she had a secret life outside work, no one would ever know.

That’s how, no one in the squad or even the DA’s office knew that Alexandra Cabot had a girlfriend. The Ice Queen had a girlfriend. It wasn’t like she wanted to keep it a secret, it was not, she was happy with her girlfriend, and she loved her. Hell, she was crazy about her, she’d do anything for her, she had fallen hard, and she was happier than ever. But she also knew that if she put it out there that she was dating someone, she would be at risk. They dealt with any type of people every day to the point where they didn’t know how dangerous they could be and what they could be capable of, so that’s why Alex decided to keep it between them. And her girlfriend, y/n, didn’t object. She knew the job, she was close to it since she worked as Melinda’s second in command, so basically, she knew the whole squad, she was seen at the precinct whenever Melinda was busy and asked her to go. So they knew her.

That’s how Alex and y/n met; Melinda was normally the one who took the results to the squad, sometimes directly to Alex whenever she requested a copy to prepare her questions, but they had been stuffed with work and Melinda had sent y/n to take a copy of some exams to Alex. Y/n knew who Alex Cabot was, of course she knew, she had seen her before, and she would’ve lied if she said she hadn’t felt butterflies in her stomach. She was beautiful, y/n was sure that wherever she went, everyone stopped and stared at her, how could they not? But this was the very first time that she was going directly to Alex, to say the least, she was very nervous, she knew she’d definitely make a fool out of herself.

Y/n knocked on her door and cleared her throat. “Ms. Cabot?”

Alex looked up and smiled. “Hi, can I help you?”

“Uh-“ Y/n showed her the folder and smiled a little. “Melinda asked me to bring you a copy of the results from the Turner case?”

“Oh! Yes. I thought she’d come. Come on in.” Alex smiled. “Close the door, please.” Y/n gulped as she closed the door, walking to Alex’s desk and handing her the papers. Alex looked up at her and grinned. “You can sit down, you know?”

Y/n chuckled. “Thanks.”

Alex squinted her eyes as she looked at her, raising her brow. “Can I offer you some water?”

“No, I’m good. Thank you.”

Alex nodded and started reading the results. “Seems like everything I need is here.” She looked back at y/n and smiled. “Thank you for bringing them to me.”

“Is there anything else you need me to bring?”

“Not for now. I think these results will be enough.” Alex smiled as she tilted her head. “You’ve been to the precinct, haven’t you?”

Y/n nodded, her heart skipping a beat. Alex has noticed her. “I have. I normally go whenever Melinda is busy, I’m…literally her second hand.” She chuckled.

“You must be good at your job then. I know Melinda can be a little strict.” Alex grinned.

Y/n chuckled softly. “She’s alright. She’s been like my mentor ever since I joined.”

Alex nodded. “Well, I won’t take more of your time. Thank you for bringing me these. I hope I get to see you again.” She grinned.

Y/n stared at her for a moment, feeling her legs trembling. “Would you…maybe…like to get  a coffee some time? Maybe lunch?”

Alex tilted her head as she smiled. “I’d like that.” She grabbed a small card and wrote her personal phone number on the back. She looked up again and handed it to y/n. “Here. Call me when you’re off work and we can meet up somewhere.”

“I sure will.” Y/n smiled softly as she grabbed the card and looked at it for a moment and then back at Alex. “I’ll see you around then.” She stood up and walked to the door.

“See you around, y/n.” Alex smirked as she looked back down at her files.

Y/n stopped on her tracks and looked back at Alex. “You…you know my name.”

Alex looked back at y/n. “I might have asked Melinda about you.” She smiled.

And that’s where the relationship started. Y/n loved to remember how Alex used to play this flirtatious woman, almost hard to get. She would lie if she said she had never heard from people how Alex always rejected them when asked on dates, but y/n had acted out of impulse when asking and she got a yes, and Alex later confessed that she had been watching y/n from afar and she had been wanting to run into her to ask her out but never had the pleasure too. After a month or two of dating, Alex was deeply in love with y/n and the ‘hard to play’ persona was completely gone.

********************

“Melinda, I finished the paperwork from the Lopez case. Do you need anything else?” Y/n smiled softly as she stood beside Melinda.

“No, you’re free to go.” Melinda looked up at her and smiled. She raised her brow as she grinned. “Going somewhere in this fine Friday night?”

Y/n chuckled. “To my couch and my cozy blanket.”

“Oh, c’mon, y/l/n. You’re young, why don’t you go out and get yourself a date? I’m pretty sure you’d get anyone you want.” Melinda said as she went back to the computer.

Y/n smiled. “I don’t really want anyone. I’ve already got what I want.” She patted Melinda’s shoulder. “See you tomorrow.” She grabbed went to grab her stuff before she left.

The moment y/n started working with Melinda, she felt safe and comfortable, something she had been scared about because she first thought she would never be good enough for her job. But Melinda had received her with open arms and had taught her everything she knew so far, and y/n always told her she would forever be grateful. So whenever Melinda made comments like that, she wished so badly she could just tell her that she had everything she always wanted because she was dating Alex, but she knew that their relationship was private and for a good reason. They had been dating for the last 2 years, and the conversation about relationships had never actually showed up until this very moment, which made her realize that for all this time, no one had suspected anything. Maybe because they were not seen together often, or they were not in the same place ever.

Y/n closed the door behind her and placed her coat and bag on the rack beside the door. She made sure the door was locked and she walked to the big living room, finding Alex sitting on the couch with some files on her lap. She loved the times when she came back from work and she found Alex in the apartment already, it wasn’t common since Alex normally always worked until late at night in her office, or if she came back home, she was stuck in her office until early hours. Y/n smiled softly and leaned over the arm of the couch, kissing her cheek softly.

“I’m surprised you’re home.” Y/n whispered softly as she kissed the side of her head.

Alex giggled and threw her head back to look at y/n. “Thought I’d just finish my notes here.”

Y/n chuckled at the angle but leaned down to kiss her lips. “Good. So. Dinner? Do you fancy some chicken and pasta?”

“I’d like that.” Alex smiled. She then moved as y/n walked out of the living room. “Do you need some help?” She put all her files together and then followed y/n into the kitchen.

“You can just sit there and look all pretty as always.” Y/n tilted her head as she smiled.

Alex rolled her eyes playfully. “You’re afraid I’m going to burn down our kitchen?” She went ahead and got some glasses out for wine.

Y/n chuckled and wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist, kissing her shoulder. “I want to spoil you. If you wanna help, you can go ahead and put the pasta to boil while I prepare the chicken.”

Alex turned on her arms to look at y/n and smiled. “Okay, that sounds like a plan.” She pecked her lips softly and then went ahead to get the pasta.

“So…” y/n cleared her throat as she got all the things she needed from the fridge. “Melinda asked me why I wasn’t partying in this fine Friday night.” She walked to the kitchen island and placed all the things there, looking at Alex.

“And what did you say?” Alex turned to look at her with a curious look.

“That my couch and my cozy blanket were waiting for me.” Y/n smirked.

Alex laughed. “Am I the blanket?”

Y/n shrugged. “You could be.” She winked at her.

Alex shook her head as she walked to y/n and kissed her forehead. “We can always tell them, you know?”

“I’m okay with how we are.” Y/n looked at Alex and smiled. “We know the job we do, I know the risks you have with your job. And it’s a relationship for us and no one else. So…” she shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

Alex nodded as she smiled. “Then we just stay as we are.” She leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “You know I love you, right?”

“Mmm…no? I don’t know what you talking about.”

Alex wrapped her arms around her neck as she grinned, pulling y/n for a slow and passionate kiss, y/n’s hands going up to her back to pull her impossibly closer. She tried deepening the kiss, but Alex pulled away, smiling against her lips.

“Say that again?” Alex whispered.

“I love you too.” Y/n smiled as she pulled Alex for another kiss.

********************

“Life without parole.” Alex said as she walked into the room with the squad sitting at their respective desks, everyone looking at Alex.

“We knew you got this, Cabot.” Fin said as he offered a smile.

“Wait, so they didn’t buy the whole crap of being mentally ill?” Elliot grinned.

“His DNA was literally all over her and almost in every part of her apartment. There was no way they’d believe that he was mentally ill when he was fully conscious of what he had done. I defied him and he told me every little thing he did, and he looked proud of it. That was our win.” Alex grinned.

“And we gotta thank or M.E.’s for that.” Olivia said just as Melinda and y/n walked in, looking at everyone with confused looks.

“What happened?” Melinda looked at Alex confused.

“Life without parole. We got the bastard., and Olivia is right. I have to thank you both.” Alex grinned softly as she looked at y/n.

“You’re very much welcome. It wasn’t much. We just needed to test around 15 people to find a match.” Y/n shrugged as she joked.

“Ms. y/l/n complaining here because she was the one who tested them all.”

“Hey, I spent like 2 hrs there, It’s only fair that Ms. Cabot here thanks me.” Y/n smirked as she looked at Alex.

“As I said, thank you for your help.” Alex winked at her, turning to check that no one had noticed.

“Well, well. We also worked here, so, what do y’all say we go for some drinks? Melinda? Y/n? Alex, you promised you’d join us next time so it’s only fair you come with us tonight.” Fin got up and grabbed his coat, looking at the squad.

“I second, Fin. We all have to go.” Munch stood up too and grabbed his coat, putting it on.

Olivia looked at the girls and raised her brow. “C’mon, girls. A drink won’t hurt.”

Y/n looked at Alex who was already looking at her and they gave each other a small nod as if to confirm that they were okay with it. It wasn’t their first time joining the squad for drinks, they’ve done it a bunch of times before, but they always preferred to just go home and have their own little celebration in the comfort of their apartment, but tonight, they thought it was no harm to join them, they knew it would be fun and they could always leave after an hour or so. They all walked to the nearest bar that was not that crowded, and the rounds of drinks started. It was maybe the fact that they were laughing hard that they didn’t notice how many drinks they had so far, or maybe it was just them not minding the number of drinks they’d take that night, it could be anything at this point, but Alex definitely wasn’t counting her drinks.

After 2 hrs, y/n had ordered some water and coffee for them, wanting to sober up a bit -not that she didn’t like tipsy Alex, she actually thought she was really cute, and two or three more drinks and she turned into hot Alex, which…was her personal favorite-. She went ahead and picked up their drinks, putting them in front of Alex who looked at her with a confused face at first.

“So you sober up a bit.”

“Ah, c’mon, y/l/n!” Elliot laughed. “You’re no fun. Let Cabot loosen up a bit. Not like we’re drunk.”

“Yeah, y/n. It’s the first time in so long that Alex actually says yes to coming with us for drinks and you wanna stop her.” Melinda raised her brows as she looked at her.

Y/n rolled her eyes playfully as she looked at them. “I’m just looking out for you, you know?” She then looked at Olivia. “Liv? Back me up here?”

“Oh, c’mon, baby. Another drink or two are not gonna hurt me. I’ll drink the coffee after another drink, promise.”

“That’s what you always say, Lex, and then you whine about having another.” Y/n raised her brow at her as she grinned. But then her grin vanished as she looked around them.

At the same time, it seemed like Alex sobered up enough to realize what they had just said, doing the same as Y/n. “Uh. Maybe I should take my coffee now.” She grabbed the cup and took a sip of it.

Olivia raised her brows as she smirked. “Baby? Lex?”

“Is there something you guys wanna share with the group?” Melinda smirked.

Munch furrowed his brows as he looked at everyone. “Wait, you guys really didn’t know that they were dating? They’ve been dating for the last 2 years. I thought you guys were detectives.”

Everyone turned to look at Munch with surprised looks, Alex and y/n’s jaws dropped as they stared at Munch. They were so sure they had been careful enough to keep it private, but it seemed like they had failed.

“How did you know?” Y/n finally said after like 2 minutes of silence.

Munch huffed a chuckle. “If you guys wanted to keep it private, you should’ve avoided standing in front of the precinct and kissing.”

Alex laughed as she shook her head. “Guess it’s out now.” She looked at y/n and shrugged. “Told you sooner or later they’d find out.”

“I mean, Munch is not wrong. You are all detectives and couldn’t figure it out?” Y/n shook her head. “You should be ashamed of yourselves.”

“You gotta be kidding me! I was about to get you a date and you’ve been dating Alex for 2 years! Thought we were sisters.” Melinda snapped as she laughed.

“In my defense, it was never brought up. And yes, you’re like my big sister, so I apologize. But now that you guys know, yes. Alex is crazy for me.” Y/n wrapped her arm around Alex as she grinned.

Alex laughed as she shook her head. “Oh, says the one that was a bundle of nervousness whenever I was around.”

Y/n chuckled as she leaned in and kissed her lips, not caring about the squad anymore. No, they were not really trying to hide it, they simply decided the relationship was theirs and theirs only, so there was no need to display it to anyone else, but now that they all knew, they were more than happy to share it with them. Even though they knew the teasing would never end.

[fazedlight]

What's Wrong with 5B?

(aka: how It’s a Super Life ruined everything)

The premiere of season 5 was simple. Kara fucked up, felt deeply sorry for it, and revealed her secret to Lena (driven solely by her guilt) after far too long of gaslighting her. Unfortunately, it was a bit too late, Lena was already (rightfully) pissed and about to exact a(n outsized) revenge about it. Easy peasy.

We see Kara struggle with it a little. She gives Lena the superwatch, looking super guilty the whole time. She brings Lena international treats, talks to Alex about how she’s nervous about interacting with Lena. But she seems to have underestimated the damage she’s caused - and Lena is going through a major disillusionment. 

Both of which are mostly in character from my perspective. But with the caveat that, I knew the basic summary of the Rift before I watched the show. So those were moments the characters were already building to in my head. (I know some people think that Kara’s reaction in season 3 was out of character, or that Lena’s reaction in 5A was out of character, and those are valid opinions that are worth exploring! If I watched the show unfold live, maybe I’d be in that camp too.)

We then see Lena’s betrayal and Kara scrambling to pull Lena back from the edge into an anti-villain arc. The Crisis happens, Kara visits Lena, and Lena calls Kara out - “What did you think would happen when you came here? That you'd tell me everything in a fit of selflessness, even if it meant that I knew how you betrayed me, and then I'd just keel over and forgive you?” Kara still knows she did something wrong, and vows to never do it again.

Aaaaand then It’s A Super Life (beloved/beloathed) happens.

I really liked the episode the first time I saw it. I was a supercorp shipper who hadn’t read a single fic. And on its face, I mean, they dedicated the entire 100th episode to the relationship between Kara and Lena and trying to repair it. It failed, sure, but they'd make up eventually (again, I was spoiled).

But that episode was really about absolving Kara. It was a bizarre conclusion. Kara no longer had fault, because any reality they tried out would’ve failed. … which makes no damn sense. Even if no reality could work (I’m skeptical), Kara didn’t know that at the time she made her decisions. She still has fault for the harm she knew she was causing (even if it happened to work out better than the alternatives she didn’t know about).

I think this is a narrative shift. This isn’t just about the in-universe “Kara believes she’s absolved”. This is a writer's ploy to change the narrative and make the audience think that Kara didn’t have fault. Writing this as a character flaw might’ve worked, maybe, if they had Kara reexamine her assumptions later. But as a narrative? … the shift fell completely flat.

The rift was canceled at this point. Suddenly it was no longer the story of two people’s flaws interplaying in the worst possible way. Suddenly it was: Kara is right, Lena is wrong, let us never speak of it again.

It makes everything that comes after really grating. The end of 5x19 (where Kara goes “maybe I’m ready to forgive you now” and shakes Lena’s hand) feels completely empty, because there’s no acknowledgement from Kara that she fucked up - a fact she fully understood at the beginning and middle of the season! It bleeds into season 6, where we never see Lena hash things out with the superfriends or with Kara post-return. It makes the finale (Lena’s “You made me a better person”) fall flat. At this point multiple people in the fandom have pointed out that it’s Melissa’s acting that is Kara’s saving grace (though even that has limitations, as many of us felt with Sadie). But Kara as a character really suffers - and with it, her relationship with Lena, and Lena's arc - because the writers did not make a convincing argument for their shift. 

The hero’s always right, I guess? The main character can’t have major flaws? (I hope someday we learned what instructions they were getting in the writing room 😂)

For my own sanity, I have a whole slew of conversations(/arguments) in my head that I place into season 6 to fix some of this (as well as making Mxy a liar who was trying to make his friend feel better, rather than those other timelines being real). But while they’re canon-compliant… they aren’t canon. What we needed was something on screen to make the relationship shine again, to have Kara revisit why her rationale absolving her in the 100th episode didn’t follow at all, and have Lena work through her issues with Kara and the rest of the superfriends. But we didn’t get that.

Which means everything post-100th will always feel wrong to me.

[harlotofupdog]

This was meant to be a groveling apology post but it turned into a rage meta post.

I have so many fics that I want to read or finish reading from writers whose work I truly adore, and so much art that I want to stare at and squeal about, and I just haven't got to it. There are fics that I am so in love with and I just… I can't open AO3 until I can just sit, y'know?

I know that literally no-one is counting on me for this stuff because I am a tiny wonker, but I feel perpetually awful about it nonetheless. I also have a bunch of fic stuff (writing and beta) that I never get to, and I'm now at the point where I'm so overwhelmed by all the things I need to do that I'm paralysed by procrastination. There's probably a few topsy-turvy chonkadonks of recent news that haven't helped, but the main thing is…

FUCKING HOTEL ROOMS.

I spend so much time in hotel rooms. I used to love hotel rooms. It felt like a little treat every time I stayed in a nice one. Bright white sheets, little sachets of tea and shitty instant coffee, minibars, dressing gowns, inconvenient power outlets, unflattering mirrors - I loved it all. But now I fucking dread them. They are my ultimate (bad) liminal spaces - just fancy transit points between the airport or the train station or the closest fucking McDonald's where I can eat a zillion nuggets until I feel better.

I've tried to be productive in hotel rooms, I really have. I bring my laptop, I bring my sketchpad. Sometimes I have a couple of free hours in the evening, and god, why don't I use them? Instead, I sit and think and scroll while I drink all the shitty tea and shitty coffee and sometimes an entire bottle of red or whatever tiny booze they have in the minibar.

It occurs to me, after 6000 years of fucking hotel rooms, that they are… Heaven. They are, right? Crisp, light, bright, stifling. There's the concierge in their nice suit, the fancy faux marble foyer, elevators that sneak up from behind and then DING as if you're the arsehole for facing the other way, mirrors fucking EVERYWHERE jump-scaring you with your own face, the end of the toilet paper folded into a little triangle... (whose bum needs that? A tiny triangle before the rest of the paper? No-one's bum needs that!)

And Heaven is always watching, isn't it?

The binful of teabags, the crumpled up packets of crisps-for-dinner, the empty bottle of wine - they will all be SEEN, along with the sanitary bag and the snotty tissues and the laddered stockings that I've wrenched off in a rage because now I have to go buy more. (WHY DID HOTELS GET RID OF BIN BAGS?)

We haven't even made it to the mortifying ordeal of ordering room service as a solo business traveler. I order the club sandwich, because that is the first thing you should order in a hotel, always - this is a rule. I eat it, it's fine. Club sandwiches have probably hauled me back from the edge of madness/chicken nuggets at least four times now. The next night, though, I don't want a club sandwich. I want something else.

A pizza.

There is no option to order a half pizza, and if I order a whole pizza, I will eat the whole pizza. So I order a whole pizza, obviously. I eat the pizza, because of course I do - it's not great, but it's kinda okay and it's something to do because I can't do any of the other things like live or breathe or exist in regular human form.

But when the pizza is gone, I look at the empty tray sitting on the slimy glass-topped desk and the realisation hits: they will know I know they know that I sat on my pristine bed, shoving melted cheese and prosciutto into my mouth, probably in full view of some late night meeting in the next building over, while staring at a wall and fervently wishing I were elsewhere.

There is probably sauce on the sheets and a bit of rocket on the floor that I can't find, and the TV remote is greasy af. It's basically a murder scene and I will feel guilty for the next millennia and a bit.

In conclusion...

Heaven is a panopticon and so is the Hilton. But Azi showed up for it, and so will I. Hopefully we can all make it back to the comfy, dusty book-filled spaces for good one day.

[envy-of-the-apple]

Hello, first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! I hope you had a happy birthday today !

I recently read your recent fic (The Sun eats the Moon) and the writting was amazing. But I have some question in my mind like :

"After that maybe 'Reader' could take contraception in secret, no ?"

"Is she (or they) gonna end up married to him, and forced to be a housewife or just following him where he goes ?" honestly I think her destiny is tragic no matter the result.

"How did he react to her disappearance, did he tried to find her (honestly my question was why he didn't ask her parents or search where did she goes, but honestly its a good thing that he didn't search) ? And during 10 years, how was to him ?" Maybe the only thing we can say "good" about him is he will only looking toward her and not any women after THAT day...?

And last question, I was wondering what will happen to them after THAT day like I know fr that in the media there will be news, but honestly I think the conclusion is well writting, the fact you first introduce the concept about the Moon and conclued with the detailed about the Moon and how tragic the ending is for them (Moon and 'Reader'). And if you are going to a Geto's it's will also be interesting because he was there to.

Sorry for the long message (eng isn't my first language) and thanks you to read that ! Have a nice day or night !

Thank you!!!!!!All great great great questions! I'll try to answer them as best as I can before giving tooo much away lol:

Why cant Ms.Moon take contraception?

yes Ms.Moon (that's my nickname for the mc now lol) could definitely try to take contraception in secret but I don't think it'll be a good ending if Gojo finds out. In the comments of the fic, many ppl were pointing out that Gojo was intentionally trying to get Ms. Moon pregnant back when they were "dating" buuuut it was sort of an afterthought for him. His logic was 'oh well it doesn't matter either way. you're staying with me regardless' but now that he's seen that Ms.Moon is 100% willing to leave him his next course of action is 'k well can't do that if you have a kid'. It's really not about Ms.Moon having a baby, rather it's insurance that bestie won't just dip again. He cares about you more than any kid you'd make together (awww thats so....sweet???)

Will Gojo force Ms.Moon to get married?

Probably, he's a romantic at heart teehee. But also he loves the attention. Part of the reason he was so effective in "keeping" Ms.Moon (in high school) was largely due to public pressure. Now, where he's basically a celebrity, his obsession with the spotlight has only increased. He's gonna be on talk shows and never shy about your relationship to the press. Gojo will definitely describe your relationship as 'newly reunited highschool sweethearts'. People at work will definitely bombard you for the details, and you were never one to be defiant so you'd probably just mutely agree with him (that's why he loves you so much: you're so agreeable). He'd make sure your wedding is the biggest celebration of the year. And then he'd drag you to Aruba or something for yalls honeymoon:)

Why didn't Gojo try to find Ms. Moon?

He did! When you dipped (graduated early and left for college) he went ballistic. I totally forgot to add this in, but Gojo is a huge reason why Ms.Moon doesn't talk to family anymore/anyone in that town. You didn't even tell your parents what college you were headed off to. I bet Gojo harrassed your family for a bit, because he's Gojo Satoru, but when it's clear you just disappeared I bet he was depressed. As terrible as he was, he did love you. It was also a pride thing for him. No one's ever 'won' against him, and you technically did. He'd greatly underestimated you and you got away. I bet he'd be a little impressed at that. I think in the fic it was greatly implied that he was searching for you buuuut eventually he forgot because he got so busy with his life. He still thought about you, but its was probably more along the lines of 'damn, can't believe i lost that bitch' And then you unceremoniously fell from the sky. Surprising, but he's grateful. It was fate to meet you again or was it? *cackles in omniscient author*

The Aftermath

Yeah, you're not living a normal life after that ever again. You're moving in with him, he's getting that marriage certificate ready bye bye freedom. I don't think he'd lock you up, buuuut having a security detail on you at all times, putting a tracker in your phone, and constantly calling/texting you is pretty close to life in prison right? EVENTUALLY, he'd limit your social network, then not-so-gently encourage you to quit your job. By the end of it, you'll be his little housewife but I think he'd be nice about it. (kind of)

[fortuna-et-cataclysmos]

In defense of s5 finale

I hear and see a lot of people expressing dislike of the season finale, some also in the tags and comments of my analysis/speculation posts. So I wanted to further expand on this.

Gabriel's victory -being remembered a hero despite everything wrong he did, especially abuse to Adrien- has left a sour taste in many people's mouth; many blaming the scenarists and not shying away from calling it "bad writing."

But I think that that was exactly what the scenarists wanted to do? The perfect world Gabriel leaves behind is unsettling, unfair, and I think that the creators have done their best to show that implicitly but clearly. I think that we are supposed to be irked by the finale.

Why do I think that? Because there were a lot of small things that gave the message that, as @emsylcatac iconically put it, "this is the bad place." I touched upon some of those in my previous post on how this was a victory for Gabriel and Lila, and a defeat for Ladybug. I'll try to list them more clearly here.

Gabriel a hero

This is the one thing everyone has the most problem with. At the end, Gabriel was declared the hero who gave his life to defeat the Monarch, who was none other than himself. Some artistic choices here are so over the top that I believe they were specifically made to irk us.

If the silver statue itself wasn't enough, the exact quote of Caline Bustier is:

All the rings that have been highjacked by the Monarch have been recycled into a statue in honour of the great Gabriel Agreste.

Then Tsurugi Tomoe goes on to say:

Beyond the visionary entrepreneur and genius creator that he was, we are celebrating a hero today.

See, everything bad about Gabriel has been flipped. If you count literally exploiting people visionary entrepreneurship, sure, he was that. And genius? He couldn't get the miraculouses of two teenagers for an entire year despite having all the resources, and he ended up succeeding only with the help of another extremely powerful person (Tsurugi Tomoe) and even then he ended up dying himself.

As of creator, he was literally a destructor. He destroyed Paris more times than anyone can count, and everything was fixed every time only thanks to Ladybug. Let's not also forget how he destroyed the Miraculouses to exploit their power.

Adrien's comment about his father

This is another thing many people have had problem with. It is so outrageous that I won't believe the creators would expect us to take at face value.

At the end, Adrien acknowledges that his father died to take down the Monarch, and says:

I don't know if one day I'll manage to become like him.

Lo and behold, the man who had emotionally neglected and abused his son to no end has turned into the said son's hero and role model. Adrien not only looks up to him, but also wants to make an active effort to become like him. Hell, he even doubts if he can be as good as him.

No way this line can taken at face value. There are many children's shows with abusive parental figures nowadays (like She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, the Owl House) that have all handled the conclusion to that abuse generally well. The watchers' expectations are high in this respect; the scenarists would know that such conclusion, if not ironic, would not satiate the expectations of the spectators.

Lack of accountability: Gabriel and Tomoe

As many many people have pointed out, the general lack of accountability in this season finale is infuriating. So Gabriel mentally tortured THE ENTIRE WORLD POPULATION and not only never faced consequences in life, but also is remembered as a hero in death?

What about Tomoe?

Not only she has not faced any repercussion for being basically a supervillain, but also she is still a respected public figure who can go and make a speech backed by the mayor, in front of the freaking French flag. If that doesn't irk you, I don't know what will.

Worse is that, she goes as far as saying in her speech that:

I'll make sure to continue his legacy.

So she'll continue to be evil. Great hint that she'll continue being an antagonist in season 6.

As you can see, the new world that has been created is extremely unfair and problematic. No way this can be "the good place," an actual "happy ending."

Everything is fixed! No problems anymore!

Also, you'd realise that the world is perfect, a little too perfect. It is like a green utopian dream.

Caline Bustier has been the mayor "only for a few weeks" (direct quote from the episode), and she has already fixed all the problems possible in Paris. Not only that, she has also solved inequality and class struggle (again, mentioned by herself). Let's make Caline the President of the World already.

Funny that LITERALLY ALL THE PROBLEMS of a city could be solved, while the exact same episode showed Majestia, the freaking Supergirl of the ML universe, acknowledged in her nightmare that:

Even with all my superpowers, I'll never manage to solve all the problems of the world.

Well, Bustier says that she has no superpower, that people working together can accomplish that. Kudos to her and her democratic spirit. But like, perfect city in a few weeks? Even Mayor Bourgeois who wanted to send all the trash of Paris to space would realise that that's impossible.

There is no perfect solution, yet the world is perfect

Ladybug acknowledges that there is no perfect solution to Gabriel's situation. Trying to bring back his wife, he has caused irreparable damage to himself and to Nathalie, effectively leaving Adrien an orphan. He still hopes that Ladybug can fix it all. But she can't because of the nature of the wish: for one thing gained, another thing should be lost. In Ladybug's words:

There is no perfect wish. Every time a power is used for personal gain, it causes catastrophes. (...) We'll find a solution, but it will never be as perfect as one would wish.

Interesting, given that the world ends up being completely perfect?

All the problems are solved, literally everyone is happy, Marinette and Adrien are finally together. But the wish was made for personal gain, no? So where are the consequences? Where is equivalent exchange? The catastrophe, the price of the perfect, green, just world? I think we'll see that in season 6.

The dream world

The new world is seriously giving me weird vibes. Like it is a movie set. For those who have watched The Good Place, you'd know how in the town everything feels a bit too bright, artificial, perfect. I get the same vibes from the post-wish world.

The Agreste mansion is covered by green vines?? Way to hide the atrocities that were planned and happened here.

Here is a screengrab I found on the internet from The Good Place (the ladybug is a funny coincidence lol)

I am getting the exact same vibes!

Also, I have expanded on that in my post on "running out of time" theme, but basically in the ML universe usually the "real" stuff are associated with the night and the rain while things that happen in the sun turn out to be fake or erased/forgotten. So the feeling that I get from this finale is that, this new "perfect" world is not genuine; that the seeming happiness it brings will be soon destroyed (I doubt erased), just as it happened in other fake reality episodes like Chat Blanc, Ephemeral, Oblivio, or Jubilation. As I argued before, this is not a permanent victory. Hell, it isn't even a real victory, not with the secret Marinette is left to keep from Adrien.

Not a real victory

Another thing that makes me think that this ending is not genuine is the lack of Chat Noir in the finale. Yes, I am a fervent Ladynoir stan who was hoping for some Ladynoir action (if not reveal) and was hugely disappointed by the lack of Chat's engagement in the final fight, but now that I think of it, this may have been on purpose.

Notice how in Conformation, Ladybug says:

Our only way to win against him is to fight him together.

And yet, soon thereafter, she is catapulted into a fight with the Monarch.

Notice also it wasn't her choice to unify the miraculouses and face the Monarch alone. She had to, because Chat Noir wasn't there.

Let's remember that this show spent the entire season 4 explaining how Ladybug assuming all the responsibility alone leads to disaster, how she needs Chat Noir to share the burden with him.

Let's also remember how in season 5, especially at the beginning of it, we see Ladybug change her behaviour towards Chat Noir: she gives him more responsibilities (the Bunny Miraculous, the identity of certain holders if I am not mistaken), and how at one point she confesses that Chat Noir has been very serious and responsible lately (and then promptly develops a crush on him).

So taking on the Monarch herself is really against everything they have built up in season 4 and the beginning of season 5. That's why I think that this "victory" is so wrong: it was "won" only by Ladybug. Maybe if Chat Noir were there, he would have prevented the Monarch from making the wish (hypothetically, then we would have an entirely different timeline). If his identity were revealed the way Marinette's was, Gabriel could have controlled him through his amok. In any case, their defeat or victory would have looked very different from this.

In the end, we must remember that this world is far from being a victory for Ladybug: she has, after all, LOST. She couldn't stop Gabriel from making the wish. And while this world looks perfect, and we got what seems like a forever happy after ending for Adrinette, their happiness is set in a non-genuine victory and world.

So I think we shouldn't be angry with the show-runners: there is a reason why this ending feels and is wrong. If it were all wonderful, it wouldn't be the season finale. It would be the finale, period. And I believe that everything that has been disturbing us in this season finale will be addressed, if not consist of the core conflict of season 6. Let's all take a deep breath and turn to fan fiction or fan art till we get the new season now :) (at least that's what I'll do lol)

[fatuismooches]

suddenly thinking how angsty it would be if fragile! reader always tries to put on a brave front but one day dottore walks in on them crying and berating themselves for being cursed with this useless body

♡ 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐢𝐬 𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 ♡

synopsis: Illness and sickness had plagued you for far longer than you liked. Even though you were determined to keep up the smiles and hope, there were times when you simply couldn't do it anymore, which Dottore soon came to realize.

includes: dottore w/ gn! reader

notes: Related to the posts under my fragile reader tag. I have a problem with keeping things short. I just keep writing and then this was born. Hope you like this nonnie! I made it angsty and fluffy. (Reader is also a bit self deprecating here, just as a warning.)

Imagine Dottore finding you crying and insulting yourself due to your illness.

You had long accepted that being inflicted with such a mysterious illness had a lengthy list of drawbacks and no pros. There was no other option anyway, as you just had to deal with it every day until Dottore figured something out. You always reassured him (or were you reassuring yourself?) that you would be fine until then. You had full confidence in your lover and his abilities. This was your Zandik after all, the one whose wisdom rivaled even the Gods.

But, you could not lie. Despite all of your smiles and composed nature, there were times when your faith and hope wavered. There were times when you despised yourself for your weakness. It had been countless years since you were sick, yet it felt that the only progress made was downwards.

You pretended as though you did not notice the stares and whispers directed toward you, but you had no doubt in your mind about what the soldiers and even the Harbingers must be wondering - Why is a man of such power, such knowledge, such intelligence, keeping you, the one who no longer possesses any of those traits, around him? The fact was, that you were struggling to answer that question yourself with every passing day.

–

Recently, some of the younger clones had begun to join you for meals. You reached the conclusion that the younger, more inexperienced ones were more likely to join you for such human tasks, and you were quite grateful for the company. They always managed to lift your spirits - though it made you slightly melancholic for how much time had passed since the old days. 

Though one day, he had to excuse himself for reasons. You had learned that Dottore was planning on doing something in Sumeru - something with the Balladeer and the Akademiya - you weren’t too sure, but all the clones have been busy preparing for whatever the plan is. You were more reminiscent of the time you spend with Dottore in your home country to pay attention anymore.

Moving back to the point, you were left to your own devices, which was usually fine. The only problem was that he had yet to pour you a drink. But that was a simple task, right? No.

Since the progression of your illness, your hands became increasingly unsteady, especially when you were trying to do basic tasks. You had stopped pouring things a long time ago for every time you did, you managed to make it spill everywhere. Zandik had told you to call for a segment when doing even such basic tasks, for he knew your body inside and out, but you couldn’t help but feel like an inconvenience for bothering a busy clone to pour you juice. But maybe, just maybe, you could do it, you hoped.

You were wrong. Bad things happened.

The noise and crash sent some of the other segments literally sprinting to you, and soon enough almost everyone in the lab had known what happened. To put it short, it was one of the most embarrassing days of your life. Since then, a clone was always required to be with you for meals.

–

That was just one of the many incidents where your frail body couldn’t keep up with your commands. It felt as though you didn’t even own your body, it was being held hostage by your sickness. You hated when the clones asked you for your opinion on an experiment, but you could only respond with a chuckle, as the headaches made your mind spin far too much to make sense of the numbers and words jumbled together. You hated seeing the Fatui assign new assistants to Dottore, jealous of how that was once your position. 

You hated when you cried into your pillows, doing your best to muffle out the sounds of sobs in the middle of the night. Why did it have to be you? Why couldn’t someone else be cursed with this miserable life? You just wanted to go back to the old days. The days when you didn’t have to try new medicines, draw blood, take shots, or endure examinations for an excruciating amount of time. You knew that Zandik cared for you, despite his odd methods of showing it, yet the voice in the back of your head grew louder and louder. What if he stopped trying to find a cure? What if he deemed you a failure or a fruitless endeavor, and discarded you? But most of all -

What if he didn’t love you anymore?

You swatted these thoughts and emotions to the back of your heads. At least, luckily for you, no one had noticed your unsettled state yet. Red eyes were blamed on lack of sleep and tiredness, and runny noses were due to the cold.

Yet one day you slipped up.

–

It had been a regular day. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened - you endured having to be helped with a numerous amount of tasks, closed your ears to the whispers of others as you took your daily walk around the lab, shut your eyes as your heart pounded after the simple activities, and lamented at how you did not see Zandik.

It was normal. Yet you felt particularly exhausted and the pricks of tears at the corners of your eyes had refused to leave you despite blinking them back. So as soon as you got back to the main part of the lab, you quickly excused yourself to your room so you could finally let the waterworks free. It was a familiar sensation, launching yourself into your soft plush bed, which you considered your safe place. It would be your haven if only Zandik spent more time with you in it.

Your lover’s familiar scent still lingered on the blankets, and fresh tears began to roll down your cheeks as you curled up into a ball. You bit your lip to prevent sobs from spilling out, but it eventually became too much bear, and you let out wails that you tried your best to keep hushed. You thought about nothing and everything at the same time, blocking out the sounds of the outside world. Perhaps that was why you did not hear the footsteps of a clone passing by, or feel his stare as he peered into your room, and then the shuffling of footsteps as he quickly walked away. You were far too swept up in your patheticness, and planned to stay this way for a while until-

Creak.

You immediately stiffened and held your breath, biting your lip to temporarily stop your cries. You strained your ear for any more sounds but heard nothing. It was just your imagination, you thought.

You released your breath to let out some more whines and then - creak, one that was much louder and drawn out. You nearly jumped out of your skin and rushed to sit up, and that’s when you saw the familiar masked face of your lover, standing at the entrance of your room, hand on the doorknob.

Your heart stopped. Why, why oh why was Zandik here? He never came around you at this time, it was always just you and the segments. He was always in another part of the lab, researching and experimenting on things you could barely process anymore despite your scholarship from the Akademiya.

You didn’t know and you wished it was just a bad dream. But you knew it wasn’t, as you realized you may have accidentally left the door open a crack. Your eyes were blurry, but you could still make out a number of segments slightly peeking into your room, the only things visible were their red eyes and teal hair, some pairs of hands gripping the doorway. You felt miserable but that cute little scene made your heart squeeze a bit. You felt like running away from it all, but you knew that was impossible. The only thing you could do was hide your teary and blotched face from Dottore with your hands.

Zandik motioned to his segments to leave the two of you be and shut the door, leaving you alone with him. He sensed when the minds of his clones went haywire a couple of minutes ago, and now he could see why. He calmly took a seat at the edge of your bed and looked at you, silently beckoning you to come near.

You felt stupid and embarrassed to be seen in this state, but you couldn’t help but comply and inch toward him, crawling into his lap. Your only escape in this life. Zandik held you firm and steady as you wrapped your arms around him, burying your ashamed face into his chest. You tried to spew out an apology but it only came out as broken, incoherent hiccups and phrases. He rubbed your back in such a way, you knew that he was targeting specific points to release pressure.

“Who was it?”

You shook your head, your breathing becoming slightly steadier. You knew what he was getting at - you had seen him make examples out of people before - but you had no idea how’d he react when you thought you were the problem. 

“No?” You nodded, silently bracing yourself for the next question. “Then what is the matter?” Zandik could feel your eyes flutter shut as you merely tightened your grip on him, shrugging your shoulders. It seemed like you weren’t going to make this easy for him.

“Has the medication been too much for you? Are there any side effects hurting you?”

A small grunt from you denied this.

“Perhaps the meals are getting too boring and redundant, not to your liking? Or is it the scenery?”

You shook your head once again and finally decided to croak something out, that left the wise doctor baffled.

“It’s me…” you said softly. 

Zandik paused before echoing what you said. “You? How so?”

You opened your mouth to speak but closed it, unsure of how to express your feelings. You shifted yourself into a different position, where you sat sideways and your legs were draped over his, nuzzling into Zandik’s shoulder.

“I just feel so pathetic,” you began. “It just hurts to live like this sometimes. I can barely do anything by myself. My body is so useless. I’m such a burden, I-I don’t know how you deal with me, or why you keep me around. It’s all t-too much.” Everything that you had kept bottled up flowed out like a dam, as you continued to sputter out more about your pent-up emotions. As if you didn’t cry enough, more tears sprung up and you desperately tried to rub them away again. Dottore did not interrupt you, allowing you to wet his shirt with how many tears you needed to.

“How long have you felt this way?” You couldn’t bring yourself to answer it, for the pressing fear of how he felt about you now weighed on you.

“Look at me, [Name],” Dottore took hold of your chin and turned it to face him. Even though he had his mask on, you could feel him looking straight at you, compelling you to respond for he would not settle for anything else.

“A while now,” you admitted weakly.

He brushed his gloved thumb against your lips and his fingers over your tears. “And you did not think to confide in me?”

“I didn’t know how to just bring something like this up. And I didn’t know how you would react, if you thought I was being overdramatic or ungrateful for everything or- I just didn’t know,” you stuttered over your words as you fiddled which his chest harness.

“I am many things. Horrible and unfathomable things. But I am your lover, too. You have been mine for countless years, since the days in the Akademiya. To believe that I would merely pass your worries and concerns aside is simple foolishness.” To other people, the way Zandik spoke may seem harsh. But to you, it soothed you like no other. You both carried many sins, yet there was an unspoken air of comfort whenever the two of you were near each other, the need to have your guards up no longer existed.

“You are wrong in your contemplation. I do not know if anyone put these ideas into your head, but they are wrong as well. It confuses me as to why you would assume that I would no longer care for you. You are the only one who has been by my side from the beginning, so you are the one who will be by my side until the very end. I want no one else with me beside you.”

“As for your illness, regretfully, there is still no cure that I have found. But, it seems that the medication has not been very effective lately, has it? I will get to making a new type later.”

By now, his words had made you feel a whole lot better and your brain was starting to process everything much more. “It’s okay, the meds are fine. I’m just so glad I got to talk to you like this, Zandik. Feeling a lot better now,” you said gently, reaching up to press a kiss to his soft cheeks. (It had always amused you how his cheeks had such a plush softness to them.)

Dottore did not hesitate to return the favor, as he left a trail of kisses down your face, carefully scrutinizing your expression as he continued to nip your neck with his pointy teeth. The feeling left you in absolute bliss and comfort, exactly what you need after all of that.

“[Name], do you remember what I else I said when I declared I would cure you?”

“...When you say you’ll do something, you’ll do it, despite anything and everything.”

“Precisely. So do not worry. Even if you do, come to me immediately.” You fluttered your eyes shut and nodded in agreement, snaking your hand up to rest between his fluffy locks of hair.

“Can you hold me some more? Just until I fall asleep?” This whole ordeal had left you physically and mentally exhausted, as your body and mind screamed at you to slumber.

“Of course. However long as you like,” Zandik agreed, as he cradled you and gently placed you on your back in your bed. He slipped in after you and nestled you against his body, a strong arm thrown over your chest.

“Thank you,” your tiredness had begun to cause your words to slur. “...I’m sorry for causing you trouble.”

“Do not apologize. You have not done anything wrong.”

“I interrupted your research though…” you trailed off as you turned to rest your cheek against his chest.

“There is no need to fret. Close your eyes and sleep,” Zandik stroked your hair, his deep, commanding voice lulling you to the land of dreams. You made a sound of agreement and within seconds you were knocked out. Dottore could feel your body breathe in and out, an aura of peacefulness now surrounding you.

Your tears caused Dottore to realize he had neglected to consider the emotional toll your illness had on you, as he was more focused on the physical aspects. He had to admit, it was an oversight on his part. Even though he did not care for the feelings of others, he had learned to read your emotions and pick up on what you were thinking. 

Zandik had always remembered you as the bright and bubbly peer from the Akademiya, who smiled and made fun of him even as your sickness crept in. So in the rare occurrences he saw your tears, a part of him was unsure of what to do. And to think that these rare occurrences had become frequent ones without him knowing?

He must not have been paying attention to you very well. That simply would not do, Dottore concluded.

He would invite you to his lab to keep him company for a while, he decided. He had also heard from the Ninth Harbinger that a company was conducting a tour of Snezhnaya from a luxury boat for a few hours. You had always liked the swaying of the waves. Perhaps you would enjoy that.

But for now, you deserved your rest. Despite his desire to stay, he pried himself away from you and stood up, tucking the covers up higher on you. There was much work to be done, especially after this conversation.

He knew that there would be days when you cried again and again. But Zandik had long made it his duty to cure you. He would not rest until that was accomplished.

[vaguely-concerned]

UNHINGED DISTANT VOICES THOUGHTS (or: now we don't have time to unpack all of that julian but --)

this ep has such a banger concept (several banger concepts that should have had an ep all to themselves, really), even if its overall implementation is pretty mid. the idea that julian seems to readily believe that the most central voices inside him are aggression, fear/suspicion, doubt, confidence/sense of adventure, professionalism... and garak, being surprisingly, seductively good at tennis and taking care of him :}

in a doylist perspective I don't think this is well-crafted enough to read into it too deeply before it starts to fall gently apart, but through a watsonian lens and my fannish heart this is fucking fascinating fdsjka. where. where are all the positive feelings and sides of you that aren't about bickering with garak julian. are you okay julian. I like that since the augment storyline hadn't been conceived of yet at this point, you could look back and justify Julian's surge of confidence at the end as him realizing the lethean hasn't been able to get that deep in his mind to find what that whole mess must look like in his brain. 'you don't understand me half as well as you think you do' gains such depth, basically accidentally

'I'm a part of you, remember? I know what you know. Well... maybe a little more.'

'Still the man of mystery?'

'Oh, you wouldn't have me any other way.'

what. the FUCK fhdskjha. what's more gay, the lethean having picked through bashir's brains for this characterization of garak and their relationship (that Bashir easily buys and depends on through the ep), or him seeing half a minute max of julian and garak having lunch and uh. drawing his own conclusions, apparently. wild stuff)

Isn't this also the first time we see Julian actually play tennis with someone? All the other times it's been racquetball, right? Well well. Interesting. is all I'll say.

avery brooks does SUCH a good job changing his voice in this to match julian's doctor voice, I almost jumped in surprise when he was talking b/c that certainly isn't sisko's voice coming out of sisko's mouth

garak alternatingly going 'now -- what do you want me to do?' in a very... willing directable sort of way and telling julian that he's a good boy doing good and being so supportive and attentive and that's how the lethean tries to keep julian's shields down the longest. many thoughts. few of them PG.

JULIAN'S REASONING THAT THIS REALLY ISN'T GARAK -- NOT EVEN HIS MIND'S VERSION OF GARAK -- IS THAT THIS GARAK ISN'T COMPETENT ENOUGH FSDKJFHKSDJ. and he sounds so petulant about it too. 'the real garak would have this fixed for me a long time ago if I just batted my eyelashes and told him I thought cylon pareg's body of work was very interesting and layered :'( I miss him'

jazdia julian BROtp got me crying in quark's tonight, this was such a good direction to take that relationship. I know they kind of fuck it up again in s7 but y'know I'll take the good stuff while it's here haha

julian makes for such an amazing crotchety old man im love him

julian has a near-lethal stress dream about turning 30 and being bisexual. it's weird but very entertaining, and garak is there

[matan4il]

Buddie 614 meta

What I find to be the loudest about Eddie’s arc here is that the whole ep is meant to show us everything that can go wrong when people try to live up to others’ expectations, and how much better it is when people are looking in and figuring out what’s right for them, which means they’re performing for and as themselves. That’s the context for Eddie’s date and story. He needs to figure out how to want a romantic relationship again without feeling like it’s a task he’s performing just to please others. That’s the place he gets to at the end of the ep, which is a good place for him to be. ~~

And this is essential to Eddie. Based on how little people talk about it, maybe many in fandom aren’t aware of how 911 implied back in 217 that he only married Shannon because she got pregnant. Eddie said explicitly he didn’t think he was ready to get married at the time, and he brought this up in the context of Shannon and him having Christopher. So I think it’s very meaningful that here, when his aunt wants to set him up, he jumps straight to the (wrong) conclusion that he’s expected to marry Vanessa. He was under this pressure to perform for others before, he knows how disastrous it can turn out, and you know what? Trauma totally triggers this kind of reaction. It tells us where he’s at emotionally, that there are still things he has to deal with. ~~

Speaking of trauma, another symptom of it can be denial, and we do see a bit of it from Eddie during this ep. Remember how he claimed he doesn’t panic back in 501? Right to a doctor’s face while she’s diagnosing him with panic attacks? He did it again in this ep. The thing is that healing isn’t linear. He was advancing with some things, but in 614, faced with his aunt’s ambush, he feels cornered back into a place he’s been in before, a place that left its scars on him, and Eddie regresses. Which is okay! But that’s one step back in order to take two steps forward. Before the ep ends, he will figure out that it’s better not closing himself off completely to the idea of getting into another relationship, even if Tia Pepa’s surprise blind dates are not the way to go about it. ~~

As a side note, I loved Bobby basically trying to trick his subordinates into giving him a review, and poor Buck stepping right into that one. I saw it coming and I almost choked laughing. This show is damn brilliant with comedy, too. We don’t give it enough credit for that! But it's also a moment when I was really proud of Buck. If Eddie's panic caused him to take a step back, we got to see his husband, who grew up so unloved that he needs every bit of approval he can get, being mature and able to point it out when Bobby was over-praising him in his evaluation. And you know what's more? Bobby knew it would go like this. He has seen Buck's growth and he knew his surrogate son would do the right thing and correct this. Bobby's set up wouldn't have worked otherwise. Excuse me while I get emotional over this. ~~

Fitting for an ep where 911 flexed its comical muscles, it was embarrassing how hard I laughed at Buck’s reaction to Eddie’s romantic woes. Remember when Buck heavily implied how hurtful it was to be ghosted by Abby, saying in 502 that he had been in Ana’s position, of being unwanted and led on instead of getting a clean break up? Well, look at how quick Buck was to suggest ghosting as a viable option for Eddie this time! It’s almost like Buck doesn’t even notice that he will offer whatever it takes to keep his husband away from these potential Love Interests, even if it contradicts stuff he has said in the past himself. The way Buck could be so calm making this suggestion, and take the “threat” in stride, because duh, he knows his husband wouldn’t want these LIs intruding on their marriage and family either, and it’s absolutely legit to just ghost this girl if she doesn’t get the memo, was hilarious. And honestly, who can blame Buck? He’s defending his hot man. ;p ~~

Which brings me to my weekly gif set, that I dedicated this time to Buck pointing out on Eddie’s failure to let Ana down easy. I mean, it already IS canon that these two talk about everything, it IS canon that Buck is someone who gets to hear all about Eddie’s romantic woes. But this proves that Eddie doesn’t just fill him in using broad strokes, stuff like just letting Buck know that he indeed broke up with Ana. No, they get down to the finer resolution as well, and Buck gets to hear every detail about how Eddie did it with the delicacy of a bull in a china shop. And clearly, Buck wasn’t about respecting either Ana or Eddie’s pain during that break up, at least not enough to stop Buck from teasing his husband about it. XD It’s so funny how naturally Buck’s staking his claim on his husband even while they’re discussing going on dates. I see you, Buck, and am totally with you! ~~

One last “made me laugh” point. I’m tempted to snicker about Pepa telling Eddie he should be shopping for antiques. I’m queer, so please excuse my dumb queer humor, but ummm. That’s not a very straight suggestion for your nephew, Tia. Or maybe that’s deliberate, maybe it’s implied she is trying to set up Eddie with anyone, girls or guys? After all, she did use gender neutral language during this ep... So we can’t know for sure, but something tells me Pepa just wants Eddie to officially have someone, and if she learns that Buck actually IS her nephew’s other half? (I can’t call either of these morons ‘better half’, sorry) Then she’d be the first one to throw them a party! And I love that, and I love her. Because after all, she’s not just a sassy queen, she’s not just incredibly loving and caring with her nephew, she was also willing to sacrifice her own image in his eyes, she was willing to be seen as herself, and not as what he expects, in order to help remind him that even if his first marriage failed miserably, he can find the courage, move on and re-commit himself to someone else. And soon maybe Eddie will realize and Pepa will find out who is that someone else that Eddie can have a beautiful committed r/s with...

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~~ Thank you so much for reading and for any reblog, like, comment or supportive tag! I really couldn't keep doing these without knowing people want to see them. Also, my eternal gratitude as always to @whosoldherout​. I'm always in awe of your giffing!