#i have like 20 other songs that didn’t make the cut

[lady-djarin]

thoroughfare

joel miller x f!reader (one shot)

warnings/tags: not even close to canon events, no ellie, no jackson mentioned, joel is a softie protector type, age gap (legal 50s/late 20s), one bed trope, spooning, fingering, oral (f receiving first time), piv sex, mdni, 18+

word count: 2.4k

a/n: yall know me i can’t hear a song and not make a fic from it. as a daughter of cain i couldn’t help but make something from one of her many songs and this album specifically changed me in many ways. i also can’t help but think of joel anytime i listen to this song or any of them for that matter.

inspired by: thoroughfare by ethel cain

“for the first time since i was a child i could see a man who wasn’t angry. […] 'cause in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck is the only place I think I'd ever wanna be.”

* ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

When the world ended you learned a few things very quickly. One; the wild is a better choice than the QZ’s. Two; water is more important than food in an emergency. And three; trust no one. Because of these three things, you now survived on your own, your group split up or died long ago.

As you walked along a dusty road in Texas somewhere you started to hear the faint rumble of an engine far off in the distance. The quiet desert didn’t have much around it for you to hide in except for a few trees and slightly tall grass. You crouched in the grass near a tree and prayed whoever it was didn’t see you.

Sure enough as the truck passed your spot, it slowed down and backed up so the man inside was looking right at your tree. He stepped out and circled the truck, keeping light on his feet and looked around in the grass. He didn’t see you until, in a moment of stupidity, you looked up and made direct eye contact with him. Your heart rate sped up and you froze, seemingly unable to take your eyes off him. The deep brown of them felt like a balm to your ragged soul. Despite all prior aversion and honestly hatred of men, this one seemed different.

“Y’can come out… I won’t hurt’cha, I promise.”

His deep southern drawl was comforting for some reason and he did sound genuine. You slowly stood but didn’t move forward, keeping your distance for now.

“What do you want?” Your voice was still cutting, cold as ice.

“Well… I wanna make sure you're ok,” his honeyed voice was low, like he was afraid to startle an animal.

“What do you care?”

“You’re out here, alone. I care because you look…”

“Rough? Yea, I know,” you hated that he was dissolving your weariness.

“I can give you a ride… if you wanna see the west with me?”

This large and admittedly handsome man was making a good case. He seemed good enough, definitely better than other men you’ve encountered. Usually as soon as they see a young fresh face like yours they resort to their baser levels, only wanting one thing.

He was nothing like that so far. You weighed your options; you could keep walking to who knows where with almost no water and probably run into people worse than this man, or you could take a leap of faith and get in that truck.

Fuck it.

“Fine, but if you pull any funny business, I’ll kill you. Got it?”

Much to your chagrin, the man kind of smirked, clearly trying to hold back a laugh.

“Come on… we gotta get goin’,” he just turned and walked back to the truck, settling in the front seat as he waited for you to follow.

You reluctantly stepped up into the passenger side, thankful that it was long enough to keep at least a few feet away from him. You kept your eyes down and only darted them over every so often as to make sure he wasn’t closing the distance. He surprised you by nudging your arm with a metal canteen, holding it open towards you.

“Have some, s’just water.”

You looked at him suspiciously, a permanent scowl etched in your brow. He seemed almost confused that you were suspicious but he only demonstrated its safety by drinking from it himself.

“See? Just have some, m’sure y’need it.”

The droplets of water sitting on his lips grabbed the light, making it dance across his features. You forgot for a moment you’re not supposed to trust him yet but you take the canteen anyway. The surprisingly cold water slides down your throat and you almost choke on the feel of it, it had been a long time since you had fresh, clear, cold water. A groan slipped free as you took in more water with deep gulps.

“Ok relax… you’re gonna drown,” he gently took the canteen away and screwed the cap on all whithout taking his eyes off the wheel. You sat again in slightly tense silence for another few miles. You knew by now he probably wasn’t going to hurt you, at least not yet.

“I’m Joel by the way…”

You looked over at him and found a warm smile framed by his slightly greying beard. You ended up telling him your name, telling yourself you’ll only be with him for a little while and you wouldn’t tell him much else.

~

That was two months ago.

Safe to say Joel was nothing like other men you’d met. He told you he was headed west because Texas was bone dry in every sense. No people, no food, no water. He also always seemed a little lonely to you, like he was searching for more than just sustenance.

The two of you became pretty close, considering neither of you had any real ‘friendships’ in this fucked up world. It was a pretty stable routine; drive or walk until you found somewhere inhabitable, eat, sleep in rotations and repeat. Between all that, there was nothing to do but talk and he eventually got you to open up.

You told him your story of day one and he told you his, or at least bits and pieces of it. You learned he’s much older than you, more than expected. He looked very good being in his 50’s but he doesn’t know exactly his age as he apparently stopped keeping track a few years back. He was almost 25 years your senior with you being in your late 20’s.

He asked what it was like growing up in a world like this and you asked him about life before it all. One day on a long road he told you about how when he was twelve, his brother, mom and him took a road trip and he fell in love with new parts of America.

Eventually you two made it to California, the coast offering resources you couldn’t get in Texas. You both found out later that you ended up more north than you thought so it was cooler than expected. Joel found an empty warehouse a little inland and you made your usual set up, the one difference being the bed.

One bed.

There was an old mattress on a thin metal frame shoved in a corner hidden under some boxes so that must have been why no one took it yet. It wasn’t huge but it had a mattress and some almost disintegrated blankets on it but it was better than the floor. The two of you worked to get it out and brushed off, setting it up close to the fire you had built. As you warmed up your gourmet meal of 20-year-old canned beans, you noticed Joel rolling his sleeping bag out on the floor.

“Don’t even try to tell me you’re gonna sleep there…,” you gave him that condescending look that he hates.

“Where the hell else would I sleep?”

All you did was raise your eyebrows and gesture to the bed across from the fire.

“That’s yours, honey.”

Honey— a nickname he gave you when he teased you about being ‘sweet as honey’, very clearly being sarcastic. He knows how it makes your eyes roll but he doesn’t know how it makes your heart skip.

“Joel, you’re an old man. You need a bed.”

He ground his teeth but didn’t hide his smirk. This was another thing that became normal, the teasing— borderline flirting.

“Darlin’, what’ve I told you about callin’ me old?”

You turn to him slowly and give him a wicked grin. “That it turns you on?” You burst into a fit of laughs when he gives you a sobered shocked look. “Oh come on Joel, we can be adults and share. Can’t we?”

He paused for a few moments grumbling to himself, as he often did, before huffing and conceding.

“Fine, but you behave yourself, and don't move around too much.”

“Yes sir,” you gave him your best dramatic salute.

~

You found yourself lying awake about an hour later. It was cold beyond belief and while Joel was a living furnace, you lacked in that department. You honestly did try not to move, knowing the mattress shook with every turn but it was so hard to get comfortable being this cold. As you turned onto your back again, you heard a loud inhale and froze.

“Darlin’?” His voice was sleepy and oh so delicious.

“Sorry— I can't…”

“You’re shaking,” his warm large hand came to your arm as he turned towards you.

“I’m so cold, I just can’t get comfortable. Sorry.”

He nudged your arm so you would roll onto your side, away from him. “Come here.” His arm came around your middle, pulling your body back into his. The sudden change made your pulse race and you were unsure how to respond. His warm breath brushed your neck and his entire front was pressed against you. You kept shaking as he held you, chased away the cold with his touch.

“Joel…?”

“Mhm hmm?”

“What… what are you…?”

“Just, sleep darlin’,” his voice made your core drip.

You tried to stay still and go to sleep but now you were more restless than ever. Thighs rubbing together at the feel of his hard body behind you, his large arm cradling your waist, it all made your head feel light and your cunt feel heavy.

“Can’t sleep if ya keep movin’,” he didn’t sound annoyed, just tired.

“Fuck, sorry I’m… sorry.”

“Whad’ya need darlin’?”

“My mind just won’t shut up,” you sounded more whiny than you meant to. “I need a distraction I guess. Sorry, just go to sleep.”

You would think you’re dreaming if you didn’t feel Joel’s callused hand rubbing your stomach through your thin shirt. His fingers danced across your stomach, the slight pressure making your skin tingle.

“Stop sayin’ sorry darlin’. Is this ok?”

God, it was better than ok, he was unknowingly playing into all your desires.

“Y-yes, it’s— good.”

He kept up his soothing movements while you tried to be unaffected. Even though he wasn’t being overtly sensual he was driving you mad with lust. He probably didn’t even know how he was affecting you. The lazy swipe of his fingers across your belly was lifting the fabric between your skin and his and he made no move to lower it again. Soon the raw feeling of his fingers met your stomach and you almost jumped at the sensation. After you settled again, his entire broad hand flattened against you causing you both to release a sigh. Maybe he needed this as much as you did.

He didn’t stop moving his hand but he now moved the rest of his body even closer somehow. His hand started to roam, skating the surface of your torso then your arm and hip. His touch was intoxicating, some kind of drug that you never knew you needed. You could sense Joel’s shift in mood soon after, there was something there now mixed with the tiredness clinging to him.

With the slight push of his hips into yours, it was clear. He was turned on.

His voice was deep and mirky in your ear, like the ocean on a dark night. “Darlin’, I— uh…,” His hand stilled on your hip.

“Joel… don’t stop.” You finally looked back at him, trying to convey as much sincerity as you could. “Please.”

And he didn’t stop. Touched every inch until you were both shaking.

His wide frame hovered over you as he pushed you into the mattress. Those large hands were surprisingly gentle as he cupped your face. Those brown eyes you were once so afraid to trust now looked at you with nothing but lust, compassion and maybe even… love.

The hardness between his legs ground against your core, the seam of his boxers rubbed against your clit sending a bolt of pleasure through you. His lips continued to brush across your skin, leaving marks in their wake. The thought of Joel leaving his claim on you to see in the morning made you burn hotter.

Clothes were shed as you two fell into a rhythm of grinding and touching. The feeling of Joel between your legs and his length against the skin of your thigh made you shiver. Before pushing into you like you anticipated, he crawled down your body, kissing and licking as he went. After pulling your thighs around his head Joel devoured you.

His tongue parted your lips and circled your nub with talent like you’ve never seen before. Boys have tried before to please you but Joel, a real man like Joel knows exactly what he’s doing. And he proves that as he works you open on his fingers and tongue. You’re writhing under him as you grip his curls, keeping him close to you. Not that he needs any convincing, he seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself if the moans he releases are any indication.

He eats his fill, drinks you down and before you know it you’re falling apart on his lips. Your heart refuses to slow down as he kisses from your knees to your neck, centering you again.

“I’ve never— wow…,” there were no words to describe what you were feeling.

“Never…?” You knew he was teasing you, trying to get you to say the words, his smirk told you as much.

“No ones ever… done that,” you reached up to kiss him, tasting yourself there. Your fingers traced where your lips just were, those amazing ones of his drawing your attention. “…with their mouths.”

“What? No one?” He seemed genuinely shocked.

“No, I didn’t even… know th-that was possible.”

“Oh baby, there’s so much I'm going to show you.”

He definitely showed you new things and how much better he was at old things than anyone else. All night. The way he opened you up on his fingers first came in handy as he was not a small man. He stretched you with his length, pumping into you as he held you close. The stark difference between his bruising hips and gentle hands made you writhe under him. When all was said and done and both of you exploded with pleasure with him buried inside of you, you felt Joel’s true feelings.

The way he cared for you the whole time, making sure you were comfortable and cleaning you up after. All of it showed you how much he cared for you, even if you might never hear the words, his actions were enough.

[p0orbaby]

Parental Guidance

summary: you’re on the brink of a baby induced nervous breakdown and you need your wife to pull her finger out a little

warnings: just some postnatal tension, but it all works out

a/n: thank you for the request !

word count: 1.2k

-

You’re pretty sure you haven’t slept in three days. Or is it four? The baby’s a demon. This tiny, adorable, 8-pound entity that seems to thrive on your misery. His cries have melded into a never-ending soundtrack of despair, punctuated by your own hollow attempts at soothing him with a song that you made up on the spot about 48 hours ago and now can’t stop singing. It’s called “Please, for the Love of All That is Good and Holy, Sleep.”

You used to be a person. You had interests, hobbies. You read books that didn’t have the words “Goodnight” and “Moon” in the title. You once watched entire movies from start to finish without interruptions. You’re pretty sure you used to smile, and not the deranged, Joker-esque grin you’ve developed from trying to maintain your sanity while walking a screaming infant around the house at 2 a.m.

And where is your darling wife, Alexia, in all this? Nowhere to be found. Well, she’s at work, technically. Which, fine. Someone has to pay the bills, but wasn’t there some kind of brochure about shared responsibility? Maybe she’s left it in her locker, along with her soul. You barely remember what she looks like at this point. You could pass her in the hallway and just nod politely, like she’s the postman.

You’re doing your best. Really, you are. But the situation is like trying to fill a bath with a teaspoon. And maybe you’re filling the bath wrong. Maybe the bath is cursed. You’ve tried everything—rocking, singing, automatic bouncers, and some baby yoga thing that some well-meaning Instagram mum swore by but mostly just made you realise how tight your hamstrings are.

Last night, you were so desperate, you found yourself Googling “Can babies drink Nyquil?” You didn’t actually give it to him, of course, but the fact that you even considered it is telling. Your maternal instincts have been reduced to the level of a sleep-deprived zombie.

You call Alexia. She picks up after the third ring. You can hear the echo of her voice, so you know she’s in one of those soundproof meeting rooms, which would be useful for something other than work right now, like, say, your mental breakdown.

“How’s it going?” she asks, with a tone that implies she has absolutely no idea how it’s going.

“Oh, fine,” you say, with the kind of deadpan delivery that would get a standing ovation on a late-night comedy show. “The baby’s great. He’s taken up wailing as a full-time job. He’s really passionate about it, you know? Very dedicated. I think he’s trying to set a record”

You hear her exhale softly. “I’m sorry, bebè. It’s just i'm in the middle of some media stuff—”

“No, no,” you cut her off. “By all means, finish giving your opinions on that new stadium or whatever. I’m sure our baby will appreciate it when he’s, I don’t know, 18 and actually sleeping. Maybe he’ll get a job there. Or just stand outside and scream, since that seems to be his true calling”

There’s a pause on the other end. Not a comfortable pause. The kind of pause that suggests she’s realising you might not be entirely okay. The baby shrieks louder, and you realise you’re bouncing him up and down like he’s a basketball and you’re trying to make a buzzer-beater shot.

“I’ll be home soon,” Alexia says finally, her voice softer.

“Define ‘soon,’” you counter, adjusting your grip on the baby before he launches himself out of your arms and catapults into a new dimension where babies don’t need sleep. “Is it ‘soon’ like in 20 minutes, or ‘soon’ like in three hours when I’ve lost the will to live?”

Another pause, this one even worse. You’re pretty sure you can hear her wincing through the phone.

“An hour?” she offers weakly, and you let out a laugh that’s halfway between genuine and maniacal.

“Perfect,” you say. “I’ll just go cry in the airing cupboard until then. The baby and I have matching dark circles under our eyes now, so that’s fun. Maybe we’ll start a band”

You hang up before she can respond, not trusting yourself to say anything else. You’re exhausted, stretched thin, and the fact that your wife isn’t here to witness the madness is only making things worse. You know she’s working hard, that she’s doing her best, but in this moment, it feels like you’re on a sinking ship and she’s on shore, waving at you from a distance.

An hour later, when she finally walks through the door, you’re sitting in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by a sea of baby toys, burp cloths, and what you think might be some sort of baby vomit, though at this point, who really knows?

You look up at her, and she looks back at you, and there’s a brief moment where you’re pretty sure she’s about to turn around and walk right back out the door.

Instead, she says, “I brought wine”

You blink at her, then at the bottle of wine in her hand. It’s a good bottle, too. The kind you used to drink before you had a baby and your definition of “good wine” became “whatever has the highest alcohol content and is closest to the till”

“Great,” you say, pushing yourself up off the floor with a grunt. “Let’s get the baby drunk”

She gives you a tired smile, but you can see the worry behind it. “Cariño…”

“No, it’s fine,” you say, holding up a hand. “It’s totally fine. I’m just saying, if we give him some wine, maybe he’ll sleep. Or at least pass out for a little bit. We can all get some rest. Or die. Either one sounds good at this point”

She sighs, setting the bottle down on the coffee table and coming over to you. She takes the baby from your arms, and you’re almost tempted to just collapse on the spot. Instead, you let yourself lean against her, just for a moment, just long enough to remember what it feels like to be supported by another human being.

“I’m sorry,” she says, and you can hear the guilt in her voice. “I know this is hard. I’ll try to be here more”

You nod, but you’re too tired to respond with words. Instead, you just rest your head on her shoulder and close your eyes, savouring the brief reprieve from the bedlam.

“Do you think he’s broken?” you mumble after a while. “Like, did we get a defective baby?”

Alexia chuckles softly, pressing a kiss to your temple. “No, he’s not broken. He’s just…expressive”

“Expressive,” you repeat, nodding slowly. “Right. So we got the model with all the extra emotions. Great”

“Extra emotions,” Alexia echoes, her tone lightening. “Maybe that means he’ll be a really good artist someday”

“Or he’ll just be really good at screaming,” you say, lifting your head to look at her. “You know, for someone who’s supposed to be on a team, you’ve been doing a lot of solo missions lately”

“I know,” she says softly, her eyes meeting yours. “I’m sorry. I’ll do better”

You let out a long breath, feeling the tension between you, and your shoulder, start to ease. “Okay. But if he screams one more time tonight, we’re selling him to the circus”

“Got it,” Alexia says with a smile, and for the first time in days, you feel like maybe, just maybe, you’re not going through this alone.

[darlingletters]

moth to flame lh44

lewis hamilton x fem!reader

in which y/n y/l/n has a new boyfriend and lewis hamilton can’t help but want to remind her how he knows her better.

warnings: cheating, kissing, intimate touching (like cheek touching and stuff), allusions to the devil’s tango, lemme know if there’s any that I missed please.

an: so I haven’t posted in a while but I am back!! hope everyone is doing well. this is my first time writing something like this so if anyone has any tips on how to make it better please let me know. also sorry for any bad grammar/spelling.

should I make a part 2?

anyway this is based on the song moth to flame by the weeknd & swedish house mafia!! absolutely love this song and honestly I was listening to it the other day and got the idea to write to this. I don’t know if anyone else has done, but if so lemme know.

driver list navigation

────────────────────────────

it was 3:45 in the morning.

y/n was supposed be asleep but instead she was wide awake sitting on the sofa on the phone talking to her ex boyfriend whilst her current one slept in the next room.

“come y/n/n, you don’t wanna be with this guy. he doesn’t know you like I do baby.” lewis’ voice almost pleads as he talks.

“this needs to stop. I’ve moved on. you should have too.” she says simply, picking at the blanket that covered her.

“please baby-”

“you have to stop calling me that.” she cuts him off “I ain’t your baby anymore. I stopped being that a long time ago.”

“y/n, he doesn’t know what you need. doesn’t know what to give you. I do.” his pleading continues.

she stays silent. she doesn’t even know how to respond to that. it was true. her boyfriend hadn’t been able to please her in the two years they’d been together. and although she’d never admit it out loud, it was driving her insane.

“I bet he even knows he can’t please you because he knows he can never give you what I gave you.” he says smugly. “because he knows, he can never be better than me.”

“arrogance doesn’t suit you.” she mutters loud enough for him to hear.

“I am not being arrogant. I am being honest.” he responds quickly.

“what do you want from me lewis?” she asks slightly frustrated.

“you. I want you. I want you to admit you want me too.” he states like it’s obvious

“I don’t want you.” lies. but he didn’t need to know that.

“just come cover.” he says simply.

“I can’t.” she whispers.

“why? cause your with him?” he says annoyed, “just leave now. you’ll be back in the morning. I just need to see you baby.” he pleads.

“lewis-”

“come on y/n. just lemme be near you. touch you. that’s all i need.” lewis says almost desperately, hints of desire in his words.

“one hour. I’ll come to you.” she says after a moment of silence.

although she should of felt guilty or even hesitated to answer, she didn’t. she wanted to see lewis. needed to see him. lewis was her first love, probably the only man she would ever truly love.

“I’ll send you the address.” he says, his voice completely lustful as he ends the call and sends the address of a hotel.

- 20 minutes later -

she knocks on his door. her mind filled with guilt and hesitation as she waited for the door to open. however, once the door opened and she caught sight of lewis, those thoughts had quietened.

“lewis.” she says breathily.

in response, lewis smirks and makes space for her to enter.

“you said you wanted to see me, you’ve seen me.” she whispers as she enters the room.

“I also said I wanted to touch you and I haven’t done that yet.” he flirts as he shuts the door and locks it.

“lewis-” she mutters as she closes her eyes.

“come on baby, just let me touch you.” he responds, taking off her jacket as he stands behind her.

“I have a boyfriend.” she says firmly, not turning to face him.

“then why are here? hm?” he whispers in her ear as he stays behind her.

“I- I don’t know.” she mutters.

“you still want me.” he responds as she shakes her head. “yes you do, you still love me y/n. I know you do baby, don’t deny it.” he says turning her around to face him only to see her eyes closed.

they stay in silence for a few moments as lewis looks at her, assessing every detail on her face. memorising her features like he used to when they once shared a bed.

“open your eyes.” he says softly. “lemme see those gorgeous eyes I’ve missed to much.” he speaks again stroking her cheek.

she takes a deep breath as she keeps her eyes closed, determined not to fall for him all over again.

“come on baby, just look at me.” he whispers, brushing his lips against her cheek. “just need you to look at me again.” he repeats, kissing her cheek.

“lewis-” she starts but was quickly interrupted when she felt a kiss on her jaw forcing her to open her eyes.

the sight before her made her wish she had never answered his phone call.

there he was cradling her face like she was a precious piece of art as he looked down at her with pure affection and warmth at finally seeing her looking at him.

“there we go baby, there’s those pretty eyes.” he whispers as he rubs his thumb on her cheek. “god i missed you.” he mutters as he leans his forehead against hers.

“I shouldn’t be doing this.” she mumbles as she shakes her head, pulling away from him and forming distance making his smile drop while he reaches out for her.

“leave that guy. come back to me.” he states firmly, his expression almost desperate.

“we are toxic lewis. we fought all the time, we barely saw each other expect to use each other in bed.” she argues back, putting her hands on her hips.

“it’s been three years y/n. we’ve changed. I’ve changed. that guy doesn’t deserve you.” he says simply taking a step forward towards her which makes her step back.

“and you think you deserve me?” she scoffs.

“no I don’t deserve you. no one fucking deserves you y/n/n. but I love you. more then that guy can.” he takes a step forward. she takes a step back. “I care for you more then him.” step forward. step back. “I touch you better then he does.” he whispers, taking a final step forward until she’s pressed up against the wall. “and you and I both know i can please you better then he does.” he finishes looking at her as she leans back against the wall looking up at him with wide eyes as she breaths heavily.

“lew-” she mumbles out as licks her lips and looks at his lips before quickly looking at his eyes.

“let me kiss you.” he whispers as he leans his head forward and places his hand on her cheek. “please baby let me kiss you.” he pleads, their lips inches away.

she pauses as she keeps her arms planted to her side as she looks at him trying to pull away from him. she looks away from his eyes and back to lips.

“fuck it.” she mutters as she runs her fingers though his hair and kisses him making him immediately return it with a soft groan.

he moves his hands into her hair, “god I missed you.” he says against her lips before going straight back to kissing her.

however, as they kissed, she couldn’t help but feel a sense of regret wash over her as she thought back to her boyfriend peacefully sleeping in their bed whilst she made out with her ex boyfriend.

────────────────────────────

[wh0reforcoriolanussnow]

I Know it Won’t Work || Tom Blyth x singer!reader

Summary: You and Tom break up after three years of dating and you perform a song about the truth of the breakup for the first time live.

Warnings: slight age gap, reader is 23 and Tom is 30

Wc: 658

A/n: these r addicting to make lol. Also, changed up some lyrics for the sake of the storyline making sense. 2/4? Fics I’m posting today!

Tom Blyth x singer!reader au masterlist

Divider by @pommecita

You let out a shaky breath, "I left you here, heard you keep the extra closet empty," You sing the first words of your unreleased song to the crowd. "In case this year, I come back and stay throughout my twenties, what if I won't? How am I supposed to put that gently?" You had just freshly turned 23 and broken up with Tom.

You honestly don't know how you ended up here, in-front of a crowd of hundreds in London. Performing in front of people was the last thing you wanted to do at the moment but you had to keep a strong front for your supporters, this show was highly anticipated.

"I've had the thought, tried to work it out through anxious pacin'" Your biggest coping mechanism was writing songs. You never knew how to really express your emotions in sentences to someone, so instead, you write them into songs. Your real feelings and emotions laced into words that in the end, formed a song.

"But it's a lot, all the shine of three happy years fadin'" The crowd watched in silence, partly because it was a new song and they did not know the lyrics to sing along, but also because they were mesmerised. Your voice held so much emotion.

Your fans weren't aware that the two of you have broken up, but a few had already pieced it up. "The whole facade, seemed to fall apart, it's complicated." Everyone viewed you and Tom as the power couple, deeply in love with one another with no flaw or doubt in the relationship

While half of it was true, the other half wasn't. The seven year age gap different had been brought up so many times throughout your relationship. You remember the first time the two of you got together, you were 20 and he was 27.

You both received heavy backlash from the internet but the two of you ignored them all. They weren't the ones in the relationship, they weren't the ones to make the call about whether or not you should be together.

"And part of me wants to walk away 'till you really listen, I hate to look at your face and know that we're feelin' different," As the three years went by, uou hoped you weren't the only one in the relationship that doubted a few things. You didn’t want to admit that other people's comments were getting to you. As the three years progressed with Tom, you felt as if you were just both in such different phases of life.

You were still so young in your early twenties and fresh in your career while it seemed that Tom was ready to settle down, marry, and start a family. He would always mention starting a family and you would listen, not really knowing what to say to him.

But recently, you came into terms with the truth that both you and Tom don't share the same feelings or goals at the moment. "Cause part of me wants you back, but, I know it won't work like that, huh?" You loved Tom, parts of you still do. He never did anything wrong, he was everything you could have ever wished for. You like to think of him as the right person, wrong time.

But nothing was going to change the fact that you two were just in different stages of life. Nothing will change the seven year age gap between the two of you. "I know we cut all the ties, but you're never really leavin'"

Tom hasn't left your mind. It would've been easier if he did. But he just couldn't. "And part of me wants you back, but, I know it won't work like that, huh?" Your voice slightly cracks, a single tear drop runs down your face. Eyes closed, you let it. The dewy stream your tear left—accentuated with the bright lights focused on you—did not go unnoticed.

[strniohoeee]

Stainless

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader

Synopsis: Y/N is a virgin who so badly wants to have sex with Matt, but she’s scared. However when they’re alone in the triplets house things take a turn….this is for the two requests I got for a virgin reader having soft sex with Matt🥹

Warnings⚠️: This is soft cute sex. Virginity lose, and that’s about it 🫶🏽

Song for the imagine: J’s Lullaby(darlin I’d wait for you) Delaney Bailey

⚠️This is an 18+ story, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️

Matt and I had been dating for roughly 7 months at this point. These past 7 months have been the best months of my life. I was surrounded by 3 people I loved, and making memories that would last forever

About five months into the relationship is when Matt and I finally decided to tell their fan base. Since I was always in their videos, some fans started to notice some vibes between the both of us.

Honestly I was petrified to tell them because a lot of their fans were super protective over them, and I’m a sensitive girl. I didn’t want to get any hate. Surprisingly we received way more love, and the occasional hate from some 14 year old, but nothing to make me feel any type of way.

Constantly Matt and I would watch shipping edits of us, some that even showed how we acted like a couple months before we even started dating. We loved it so much

Other times I would watch edits on my own of us, or just of Matt, and the comments had my jaw on the floor.

“I know he gives y/n the pounding of her life”

“He’s a skinny white boy. You know he be laying that pipeeeee”

“Poor y/n…..I know he be tearing her shit up”

Although these comments made me laugh, they also made me blush from embarrassment because they couldn’t have been further from the truth. I was a virgin, and Matt and I had only really made out and got handsy. Usually I’d break away and stop it, and he respected it and never said anything about it.

I knew he wanted to have sex because he’s a 20 year old man, and I for sure wanted to have sex because?? We’ll have you seen Matt??

But in the back of my mind I was so fucking nervous. I had never ever had sex. I’ve never given a handjob, a blow job, a hickey…..I’ve never even seen Matt’s dick.

Many times I would crave this intimacy, but I always allowed my fear to get to the best of me. However I was more than ready to have sex with the love of my life, Matt.

Matt and I were alone at their house since Chris and Nick had an event that Matt really could care less for. We spent the whole day together, and now we were currently in his room watching a movie

The whole time I kept thinking about having sex with Matt, and what it would be like. If I’d be bad, nervous or just out right not cut out for losing my virginity.

“Matt…” I said waiting for him to look over at me

“Yeah?” He said looking over and smiling at me

“Can I ask you something?” I said

“Of course baby” he responded back as he paused the movie

“Do you want to have sex with me?” I asked him, and to this his eyebrows raised

“In general or right now?” He asked laughing a little bit

“In general” I told him

“I mean it’s not something that’s necessarily crossed my mind. Of course I get urges, and want to have sex, but it’s not something my mind is always on.” He responded

“Well how come?” I asked him

“I mean I just care about you, and making you laugh and smile, and spending time with you. I just love to be in your company” he said back

“Oh….well have you ever thought of having sex with me…like at all??” I asked him

“I mean sure. Whenever we’ve had heated make out sessions it has crossed my mind. You know? It’s like I think to myself could this go further” he told me

“Oh…” I responded

“Have you thought of having sex with me?” He asked

“Mmm quite often actually” I said being completely honest

“Oh?” He said starting to blush

“But I know I always pull away before it goes any further” I told him

“Yeah, but I don’t mind at all” he said smiling at me for reassurance

“I guess I’m just scared” I said

“Scared of what?” He asked me with a head tilt

“Well I’m a virgin” I told him

“Oh” he said actually shocked

“Yeah, and I just never felt like I could move forward. Not because of you! I know I want to lose my virginity to you, but because I’m so afraid of being bad, or too nervous that it doesn’t work out” I said to him

“I get that. Losing your virginity is very intimate, and for sure scary. That’s valid” he said to me

“I was thinking maybe we could have sex” I told him

“Yeah of course” he said nodding his head and smiling

“Tonight” I then responded

“Tonight?” He said surprised

“Yes. I think I’m ready for tonight” I told him

“Okay. Then tonight it is” he said leaning over and kissing me

Matt and I had been making out for a good five minutes

“Are you doing okay?” He asked looking into my eyes

“Yes Matt I’m doing great” I said giving him a smile

Matt had kissed down to my neck. Leaving light kisses that were making me burn up inside. He had removed his shirt, and I removed mine as well

“Can I take your bra off?” He asked me leaning back a little bit

“Of course” I said shyly

Matt reaches behind as I lift up, so that he could unclip my bra. Slowly pulling it off of me, and allowing my breast to fall exposed

I started to blush. Never allowing a man to see me this way causing me to get a little shy

“Don’t get shy on me baby. You look perfect” he said giving me a sly smile

Matt had started to kiss my neck, and slowly went down to my breast. Massaging both breast before taking one into his mouth

“Oh Matt” I said in a whisper as my eyes fluttered shut

He then went down to the valley of my breast, and started to kiss down leaving sloppy kisses on my stomach. I was aching for his touch.

He kissed both hip bones before looking up at me

“Can I take your pants off?” He asked, and I nodded

He started to take my pants off as I lifted up a little for him to get them fully off. Matt in return removed his sweat pants as well

He went back to kissing above my underwear. This feeling alone left my hair rising and my thigh quivering

Matt laid next to me, and started to kiss me soon breaking away

“Okay baby. I have to stretch you out” he said. I turned my head towards him and agreed

Slowly he trailed his hand down to my underwear. Slightly dipping his hand in to massage my pelvic area before completely sticking his hand down my underwear

“Open wider baby” he told me, and I allowed my legs to open up more for him

“Perfect” he said, kissing me, and then he slid his hand all the way down coating his fingers in my arousal before bringing them back up to massage my clit

I just gasped and opened my mouth as Matt and I kept looking at each other

“Feeling okay?” He asked

“I feel so good Matt” I told him licking my now dry lips

Math started to rub my clit in circular motions. Allowing me to squirm and moan at this foreign feeling.

“Okay baby this may hurt” he said before sinking his middle finger to my entrance. He was looking into my eyes as he slowly started to insert his finger into me

This was a burning stretch I’ve never felt before, causing my eyes to shut and my brows to furrow

“Ow Matt” I said finally opening my eyes

“Too much? I can stop” he said reading my face

“No no keep going” I told him, and so he did. He slowly started to rock his fingers in and out curving them up to hit my G spot

“Oh fuck” I moaned out

“That feels so fucking good” I said as he started to rub my clit with his thumb

Slowly he inserted his ring finger. This burn was something that almost made me stop him, but I wanted this way too much for him to stop now.

Once he got the second finger in he started to pump in and out at a come here motion

“Oh Matt….ive never felt something like this” I told him as my mouth fell open

“Does it feel good?” He asked

“So so good” I said whispering the last part

He was slowly fingering me for 5 more minutes before he decided to stop

“Do you think you’re ready?” He asked me

“I think so” I told him, Matt removed his underwear and my mouth fell open

“Matt….I don’t know that that will fit in me” I said almost laughing

“Baby don’t boost my ego. It will fit” he said blushing and biting his lip

“This will hurt, so I’m going to go slow, and if it’s too much I’ll stop” he said

“Okay thank you” I whispered to him

Matt had both arms on either side of my head and was looking into my eyes

“Ready?” He asked one more time

“Yes Matt I’m very ready” I told him

Matt grabbed his dick with his right hand and slowly started to push the tip in. Looking up at you to read your face. He slowly started to push the tip in, and as he started to get in is when you winced

“Fuck Matt that hurts” I said gripping his left arm with my right hand

“Want me to stop?” He asked

“No no keep going” I told him

He slowly started to insert himself into me. Paying close attention to my face. Soon he was all the way in, and he let out a sigh

“So perfect,” he said, moving my hair out of my face. Matt was allowing my vaginal walls to relax around him before moving

“You can move” I told him, and so he did. Slowly sliding back and then in. My pussy was still stretching and burning around his dick

He was letting out little moans that were making me so wet.

Slowly Matt started to pick up his pace. Sliding in and out of me in such a delicious way

“Fuck Matt you can go a little faster” I told him

Matt started to thrust into me a little faster and I was completely losing my mind. If sex felt this good, why was I waiting this long?

“Matt this feels so good” I said moaning

“You feel so fucking good around me” he said moaning the last part

Matt had gotten a little more on his knees, and allowed his arms to bend. Coming down closer to me our chests were touching, and his head was right next to my ear

I could hear his pants into my ear as he was thrusting into me

“Fuck Matt you sound hot” I told him pulling his hair at the back of his head

“Yeah?” He said in a breathy tone

“Yes…so so hot” I said as I continued to pull at his hair

Matt continued to thrust into me becoming a sweaty and groaning mess above me

“I’m going to start rubbing your clit, and you’ll be able to cum in no time” he told me before snaking his right hand down to my clit starting to rub

“OH MY GOD” I screamed out at the intense sensation I was feeling

“Too much?” He asked looking at me

“No no just right keep going. Fuck Matt I think I’m going to cum” I told him as I started to clench on his cock causing him to moan

Matt was fucking into me at a good pace and rubbing my clit, going in between slow and fast circular motions

“Matt Matt Matt” I said scratching his back and clenching down on him harder

“Come on baby! You can do it for me” he said rubbing his fingers faster

“I’m going to cum. Fuck fuck fuck” I said shutting my eyes and throwing my head back even more

“Come on. Come on give it to me” he said into my ear

“FUCKKKKK MATTT” I screamed out as I started to convulse and tremble. My orgasm completely washing over me. I was seeing white and my legs were shaking as I was cumming so hard. Slowly I started to come down my from my high with heavy breathing and dry lips

Matt pulled out of me when I stopped twitching around him. I felt weird without his dick in me. He started to pump his cock

“Fuck I’m gonna cum” he said kissing my lips

He pulled away and his lower abdomen started to contract as his mouth fell and his brows furrowed. He looked into my eyes as he came all over his hand and my lower stomach. Slowly coming down from his high and rolling onto his back next to me

“Matt that was amazing” I said looking over at him

“Was it? You don’t have to lie” he said catching his breath

“No matt. It was amazing, and you were so careful with me I appreciate it” I said rolling over to my side and kissing him on the cheek

“Anything for my pretty lady. I love you” he said looking over at me

“I love you too Matt” I said smiling at him

“Let’s get you cleaned up. Follow me let’s shower” he said and grabbed my hands

When I got off the bed my legs completely gave out on me and I almost fell to the ground

“Oh my god Matt…my legs are fucking jello” I said laughing as he grabbed me and helped me walk to his bathroom

“I’m sorry baby” he said also laughing

“I can now say Matt Sturniolo has made me weak in the knees physically” I responded laughing

“Shut up” he said all shyly as he turned on the hot water and let me step in first

We had showered together, and then spent the night watching movies until we eventually fell asleep in each other's arms.

The End

I hope you guys enjoyed this one! And for the two people that requested this I hope I didn’t disappoint, and I’m so sorry it took forever for me to get this out 🥹❤️❤️

-J💅🏽

[finnsbubblegum]

I Don’t Deserve You {Part 2} (Joel Miller x Reader)

Pairing: post-outbreak!joel miller x f!reader

Warnings: fluff, protective joel, age gap (reader is in her 20s and Joel is in his 50s), stalking, sexual assault attempt (lmk if i missed any)

Summary: You were popular in Jackson but you have been single your whole life. Despite many men flirting with you, you have never found your ideal type. Until one day, you saw Joel and you fell in love at first sight.  But he felt insecure.

Words count: 2.9k 

A/N: This is part 2 for I Don’t Deserve You Part 1. Thank you to everyone who read my fanfic! 

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

It was a usual Monday after the night Joel saved you from Josh. You woke up early and got ready to work and meet your students. 

“Good morning, kids! How was your weekend?” You asked the students with a soft tone.

“I watched a movie with my dad last night!” A girl shouted.

“It was my birthday yesterday!” Another girl shouted.

They were active and you were always happy to listen to their stories. Their stories were always interesting to you. You loved how children were so pure and innocent. 

“Oh really? Well, happy birthday to you! Why don’t we all sing happy birthday to Samantha?” 

You invited the other students to sing the Happy Birthday song for Samantha. Each of the students followed your clap and sang the Happy Birthday song together. The day went and it was already time for the class to be dismissed. 

“Okay everyone! Class is dismissed! Don’t forget to do your homework!”

Everyone was packing their bags hurriedly and you glanced at the door. The door had a rectangle transparent glass and you saw Joel. When he caught your eye, he quickly hid. You found him so cute and felt butterflies in your stomach. It felt like you were in your teenage years all over again. You shook your head and smiled. The kids were starting to leave one by one and you began to pack your stuff on the table. 

“I saw you there Joel.” You teased Joel who was still hiding.

“Uhm.. Sorry.” He slowly walked inside the class and cleared his throat.

“You caught me.” He smiled shyly and put his hand on the nape of his neck.

“Are you stalking me now?” You joked.

“Absolutely not. I was just around and thought I’d stop by to see how you’re teaching the kids. Hope you didn’t teach them curse words.” He joked remembering his last joke at the bar that was cut off by Josh’s appearance.

“Of course not.” You scoffed and slightly hit his chest. 

“Are you heading home now?” Joel put his hands on his waist.

“Yes, all the kids have gone home so I should go home now.”

“I’ll walk you home.” Joel gestured a movement from his hands as if he was asking you to follow him.

“Sure. Thank you.” You grabbed your purse and jacket.

Joel wasn’t actually around the area. He was not patrolling that day and couldn’t keep thinking about last night. He was worried that Josh might come to you and bother you again. After thinking about it for a few hours, he decided to visit you at school and walk you home. He thought that it was the least thing he could do to protect you. Without realizing it, he was starting to have feelings towards you. 

“Do you want to come in and have dinner with me tonight? I can cook something for us.” You hoped Joel would say yes before you got in your house.

“Sure. Ellie is making friends now so she often stays out late.” 

“Great. Come in.” You welcomed Joel.

You hung your jacket and Joel did the same. 

“Please make yourself at home while I cook dinner.” You smiled at Joel.

Joel nodded and sat on the sofa in your living room. You walked to your kitchen, opened your fridge and took out some ingredients. 

“Can I help you with somethin’?” Joel suddenly stood up and walked towards you.

“No, no. I’m good. Let me serve you dinner tonight.” Joel was your guest so you wanted to serve him.

“Okay.” Joel walked away and started to look around your house.

“You have a lot of books.” Joel stopped at your bookshelf.

“Oh, yes. I love to read. I’m a teacher.” You laughed.

“Right.” Joel chuckled.

After a few moments of banter while you were preparing dinner, you were finally done.

“Dinner’s ready.” You called for Joel.

He looked back from the sofa and hurried his way to the dining table.

“Smells good.” He sniffed.

You both started eating. You were nervous because you were scared Joel might not like your cooking. And your legs were shaking under the table.

“Hmm.. It’s delicious. Thank you.” Joel praised your food.

“Phew.. I was scared you didn’t like it.” You sighed.

“Are you kidding? This is the best meal I’ve ever had in the past 20 years.” He chuckled as he shoved another spoonful of your cooking.

“Thank you, Joel. You’re really sweet.” You were touched hearing his words.

The two of you had conversations as you finished your dinner. 

“Let me wash the dishes. You cooked so I will wash the dishes.” Joel offered.

“Sure.” You gave your dishes to Joel.

You watched him from behind and got lost in your fantasy. You were imagining a life where you and Joel lived under the same roof as family. And you were the wife making dinner for your husband when he got off from work. He looked dashing from behind and his shoulder was broad. You imagined how it would feel kissing him. But you didn’t want to rush so you had to hold yourself. You hit your head and got back to reality. 

“Done.” Joel wiped his hands with a towel.

“Thank you, Joel. For washing the dishes.” 

“It’s nothin’. You cooked for me so it’s fair if I wash the dishes.” He shook his head.

You wondered how a man like him treated you so nice. You kept wondering why he didn’t come into your life sooner. Then you remembered why. You were half his age. But you didn’t care. As long as he made you happy, you didn’t care about anything.

You and Joel spent a few hours hanging out at your house then it was time for him to go home.

“I should probably head home.” Joel looked at you.

“Yeah, sure. Thank you for walking me home today.”

“Anytime. Thank you for the meal. It was delicious.” Joel thanked you.

You chuckled as you walked him to your door and grabbed his jacket.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Joel raised his eyebrows.

“Sure. See you tomorrow.” You waved your hand goodbye to Joel.

The next day, Joel came and picked you up from work. He walked you home and had dinner with you for the second day, third day, fourth day, and it went on and on. Except when it was his turn to go on patrol, he couldn’t walk you home. But he would always tell you in advance if he couldn’t walk you home. 

Joel and you often hung out in the city as well. Since you got close with Joel, Josh had never shown up. He just stared at you from afar but he had never approached you. You even had less guys flirting with you. As time went by, people were starting to recognize your relationship with him. People were making rumors and talking about you and Joel. They were talking about how far your age gap was and how Joel didn’t deserve you. He was old and ruthless but you were young and kind. You didn’t care what anyone said. Joel had never hurt you, he was always respectful, he was definitely not like what other people said. As a matter of fact, Joel had never been kind to anyone but you. 

Your feelings towards Joel have grown deeper and deeper. On the other side, you had no idea how Joel felt towards you. Did he like you or did he just see you as a kid who needed protection? But you didn’t want this to end so you kept your feelings hidden until it was 2 months since you and Joel spent time together. You couldn’t hold your feelings hidden any longer.

It was another usual dinner with Joel. You watched him as he was walking outside your front porch. 

“Joel.” You stopped him before he walked his way home.

“Huh?” He raised his eyebrows and looked back.

“Can I ask you something?” You wiped your sweaty hands to your jeans.

“Sure. What is it?” He walked his way back to your porch where you were standing, resting his hands on the handrail.

“What are we, Joel? I mean - I - I like you, Joel.” You confessed your feelings to Joel and stepped closer to him.

Instead of telling you the way he felt about you, he took a step back. 

“No.” His voice was really low, he shook his head and looked down.

Your eyes were getting blurry as tears welled up in your eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Joel quickly walked away from you.

“Joel.. Please..” You tried to stop him but you thought it was better to stay.

You were heartbroken. You went to your bedroom, covered your face with your pillow and cried all night.

On his way home, Joel was also heartbroken. He couldn’t see you cry like that, especially because of him. He regretted leaving you hanging like that. He wished he could hug you and comfort you. But he knew he shouldn’t. He had heard the rumors and he agreed to what people were saying. He regretted treating you nice if it would end up breaking your heart. He shouldn’t give you hope in the first place. Since then, Joel started avoiding you. He didn’t walk you home and didn’t have dinner with you. You and Joel ended just like that.

You hadn’t seen Joel since. Your days went so slow. Days felt weeks, weeks felt months, months felt years. It has been a month and you hated this feeling. You wanted closure so you decided to find Joel. You walked to his house and knocked on his door.

“Hi!” It was Ellie.

“Uhm.. Hi! Is Joel home?” You asked Ellie.

“Yeah! Joel! Someone’s here looking for you!” Ellie shouted and called Joel.

Joel made his way down stairs and his eyes widened when he saw you at his front door.

“We need to talk, please.” You begged Joel.

“Okay.” Joel gestured to Ellie to go, he closed the door and invited you to sit on the patio chairs at his front porch.

You sat with him but he didn’t say anything. So you started the conversation.

“Did I do something wrong, Joel?” You tried to find what was wrong to fix your relationship with him.

“No.” He replied coldly.

“It’s okay. Just tell me, Joel. Let me fix us.” You begged him.

“It’s not you. It’s me.” Joel wanted the best for you.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. What do you mean?” You were confused.

“I know you heard about the rumors. They were right. I don’t deserve you. I’m old. I’ve done bad things. I’ve killed people. And you’re young, beautiful…inside out, kind, perfect and everythin’. You deserve someone way better than me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started anythin’ with you. I realized I was crossin’ the line, that's why it’s better that I stopped before I hurt you more.” Joel put his elbow on his knees as he explained to you.

“That’s not right. I don’t care what people say, Joel. You treated me so nice. You’ve never hurt me. You protect me, Joel.” You shook your head in denial.

“Don’t you get it? I don’t deserve you.” Joel started to raise his voice.

“No, Joel. Please. Give me a chance. I can’t live without you. Please. Give us a chance.” You cried as you begged him.

Joel wanted to cry but he held it. He didn’t want to look weak. Instead he stood up and asked you to leave. 

“I promise I won’t see you again.” Joel’s words made your heart even wretched.

“Joel, please..don’t..Can you at least give me a hug as a goodbye? Please?” You grabbed his wrist.

Joel wanted to hug you. He really did. But it would just make him change his mind. If he hugged you, he might not be able to let you go. So he let go of your hand and walked inside his house. You cried so loud and kneeled in front of his door. Hoping for Joel to come out and change his mind, but a few hours went by and he didn’t appear. You were getting hopeless so you decided to go home. You cried on your walk and you didn’t realize someone was following you. You grabbed your keys and went inside your house. Someone was holding your door before you closed it. 

“Joel?” You hoped Joel was following you home.

“Nuh-uh baby. It’s me. Josh.” Josh smirked.

You gasped and started to shake. 

“Wh-what are you do-doing?” Josh could hear you were scared.

“I told you that old man is no good, baby. You should have been with me in the first place. I wouldn’t make you cry. I’m way better than him. That old man knows it. He really doesn’t deserve you. But I deserve you.” It turned out that Josh had been stalking you and he was eavesdropping your conversation with Joel.

“No. Josh. Please get out of my house.” You tried to act like you were not scared but he could see you were shaking.

“I’m not going anywhere, baby. You’re mine now.” Josh claimed you as his because he knew Joel wouldn’t be there to protect you from him anymore.

“No, please go.” You walked backwards as he slowly walked towards you.

On the other side, Joel kept thinking about what he had said to you. He knew it was for the best but somehow he felt something weird in his heart. He guessed maybe he should have hugged you goodbye. He didn’t hear your cries anymore so he decided to walk to your house. He saw your door was left open and he heard a loud thud and your scream. Joel’s heart was beating faster as he rushed inside your house.

“Stay still!” Josh was on top of you, holding your hands, trying to take off your pants.

“Josh, stop it!” You tried to push Josh away but he was too heavy.

Joel’s eyes widened as he was shocked to see what was happening. He ran towards you, grabbed Josh from behind and threw him aside. Josh was hurting laying on the floor. Joel’s eyes locked on Josh and punched him over and over again. Josh’s face was full of blood and he was begging for Joel to stop. 

“Don’t you ever touch her again! You lay a hand on her again, I’ll break your arm!” Joel lifted Josh by his collar and yelled at his face.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Josh begged Joel for his life.

“Now get the fuck out of this house and never show your face again!” Joel pointed his finger towards the door as he raised his voice again.

Joel closed the door after Josh crawled his way out of your house. You were in shock, crying, hyperventilating, shaking, and holding your ripped shirt to cover yourself. You had never seen Joel like this before. He was scary when he was angry just like what other people in the town talked about.  

“Hey, are you okay?” Joel’s voice was different from seconds ago.

He sounded very soft. He took off his jacket and put it on you. 

“I got you, babygirl. I got you.” He looked at you with worried eyes. (TLOU ep 8 reference 😘)

He wiped your tears with his thumb and hugged you. His hands rubbed your back in circles until your breathing was normal again. 

“Can you stand?” He asked you.

You nodded and guided him to your bedroom. He kept holding your arm, holding your weight as you walked. You opened your closet to get new clothes and changed into a new one. Joel faced the wall as you changed your clothes. He was always respectful to you. Not like the other guys you had met.

“Here.” You gave Joel his jacket back.

“Do you want me to stay?” He thought he would stay for the night to make sure you were safe.

“Will you?” You asked Joel with your puppy eyes as you sat on the bed.

“Of course, darlin’. I don’t want Josh to come here again and hurt you.” Joel walked to your bedroom door.

“Where are you going? I thought you’re staying.” You were confused.

“I am. I’m sleepin’ on the couch.” 

You chuckled. Everytime he did or said something, you fell in love with him more.

“Joel, stay here.” You pat the empty space beside you on your bed.

“No. I shouldn’t.” He still kept his chivalry.

“Joel, please. I don’t think I can sleep if you’re not next to me. I feel safe when I’m with you. Please.” You begged Joel.

“Okay.” Joel shyly moved his way to your bed and laid beside you.

You moved closer to him, put your head on his chest, and rested your hands on his stomach. You could hear his heart beating faster and his body was stiff because of your movements. Joel took a deep breath and put his arms around you. He rubbed your back in circles.

“I’m sorry. I know I don’t deserve you. But can I get that chance for our relationship? Give me a chance to be better for you?” He rested his chin on your head.

“You should stop being insecure, Joel. You’re the best man I’ve ever met. All the guys who flirted with me.. They weren't like you. I know for a fact they only want to get in my pants. But you’re different. Am I right?” You caressed his chest.

“No. You’re wrong.” You were shocked by his joke and raised your head to face him.

“I’m joking. Relax.” He laughed.

“Don’t ever do that again.” You put your head back to his chest and hit his chest.

“Oh! You’re bleeding! We need to get your fist cleaned up!” You took his hands worriedly.

“Don’t worry, darlin’. I’ve been worse.” Joel chuckled and kissed your forehead.

“Okay, then.” You kissed his bleeding fist that saved you from Josh. 

The two of you spent the night cuddling, talking and getting to know each other. Joel told you about his past, Sarah, and Ellie as you drift into your sleep. 

To be continued...

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

[familiarscars]

Lost In Control | Bad Omens | CHAPTER 20

adult content | minors do NOT interact.

⋆ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. Bad Omens X ex-girlfriend and singer!Reader.

⋆ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. You and Noah had a difficult ending, but you still need to support each other for the band.

⋆ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆(𝐒). melancholy, ex-boyfriends, difficult relationships, alcohol abuse, swearing, drug addiction, violence.

It's okay to not agree with the characters' attitudes during the fic. It's good to remember that the story is fiction from the author's sick mind, and of course they will make dubious decisions according to my fantasies. Nothing is done to be compared to reality.

Answer. Answer. Answer.

You rested your phone on your shoulder while spitting out toothpaste into the sink and rinsing your mouth with a quick gargle. It was the second time you brushed your teeth today. Whenever you felt nervous at home, without any significant outlet, you tended to repeat these actions as a form of comfort.

A flicker of hope sparked when the ringing finally stopped.

“Speak.”

“For fuck’s sake, I’ve been chasing you for days! Where’s what I asked you for?” you whispered, as if you weren’t alone in your house.

“Bad news. The shipment got seized as soon as it hit the city. I lost everything, including your goodies. You’ll need to wait for the next batch,” he huffed on the other end.

Your steps shifted nervously, pacing back and forth, resisting the urge to throw the phone against the wall. You breathed deeply, calculating internally the terrible toll of going over three days with nothing in your system. Biting your lips hard, you pressed them together until the metallic taste replaced the minty one.

“You can’t just tell me to wait.”

“Just from your voice, anyone can tell how desperate you are,” he chuckled. “Maybe a detox will do you good. Or you can find another supplier.”

Give in and go to Gerard because it was easier? You’d rather die.

“This isn’t about cravings, you idiot. I’m just worried about the withdrawal side effects. I have an appearance at an awards show with the band tonight, and I can’t risk showing up in this state!”

“You’ve got countless problems, and none of them are mine. Talk soon.”

His ironic tone cut through your argument, and he hung up.

Bastard.

You tore through every corner of your house as if conducting an FBI investigation. Clothes spilled out of boxes, suitcases were overturned, purses dumped, cabinets emptied.

There wasn’t a single trace. Not a crumb. Nothing left behind from a day when you were too high to notice and now might’ve been useful to ease the damned headache splitting your skull. You couldn’t even stomach breakfast; you hadn’t moved from lying flat on the living room carpet, staring at the ceiling, after the chaos you caused in your already disorganized home.

Your phone buzzed beside you, and you sighed deeply. There weren’t many options for who it might be. Groping blindly until you found the device, you exhaled softly through your nose upon seeing it was just Jolly reminding you not to be late tonight.

The band had been nominated for three awards: Artist of the Year, Album of the Year, and Song of the Year. It wasn’t like you all were overly confident, though you believed in the exceptional work poured into The Death of Peace of Mind. You and the guys joked about already having the awards in the bag, but Noah, ever the buzzkill, made sure to keep everyone grounded, always saying the band didn’t need any awards to prove how good it was.

Luckily, no one cared what he thought. And even though he’d refused to attend the event because of all that nonsense he believed, all of you overruled him and forced him to show up.

It probably wasn’t a good sign that you’d have to endure him for a few hours and still be polite, but you could try.

Your steps on the street were more hurried than usual, not just because you were running late to meet your friends. You never felt safe walking alone, and unfortunately, it wasn’t just because of the flood of hate you received online that could easily spill into real life. You feared other things, things beyond your control and your line of sight.

It was almost funny to think that someone like you could be afraid of anything, but you were.

In line at the pharmacy, you grabbed a bottle of water and six blister packs of muscle relaxers near the counter. The cashier bagged them, and you paid quickly, wasting no time to leave. Outside, you tore open one pack, downed three pills, and washed them down with water.

It wouldn’t work and wouldn’t ease the agony you felt, but it was all you had.

A few more blocks, and you’d be at the studio. Just keep up the pace and avoid distractions. But as you weaved through pedestrians, increasing your speed, your always-alert hearing picked up something that sent a chill down your spine: the repetitive click of a camera.

Your body threatened to freeze, but you forced your legs to keep moving. The feeling of being watched grew like a persistent shadow. You glanced quickly under your hood, over your shoulder, trying to pinpoint the source of the sound, but the crowd seemed like an indistinct sea of faces and movement.

Maybe it was paranoia.

That’s what you tried to convince yourself, but the sound persisted, clear and sharp. The click, followed by a short silence, then another click. Each one seemed to match the rhythm of your heart, now pounding like a frenzied drum.

What if it wasn’t paranoia?

The doubt gnawed at any shred of calm you were trying to maintain. Your steps quickened even more, and the weight of your breathing began to press on your chest. Your calves burned, but you didn’t stop. You turned corners almost without thinking, feeling sweat trickle down your temple as the sound of the camera continued, sometimes closer, sometimes farther, but always there.

You spotted the studio. Relief seemed near, but fear made you cross the street without looking. Cars honked, but you barely heard them. The gates were right in front of you, and with trembling hands, you opened them in one swift motion and shut them behind you. You stood there, pressed against the cold metal, trying to catch your breath. Your chest rose and fell uncontrollably, the sound of your breathing echoing in your ears.

"Are you okay?"

Folio's voice startled you. He was standing on the other side of the courtyard, his brow furrowed, his eyes narrowing in concern.

"You’re as pale as a wall. Did you see a ghost?"

"Yes, yes, I’m fine." Your voice came out weaker than you expected, and you swallowed hard, trying to sound convincing. "I was just in a hurry to get here."

Folio seemed to hesitate but shrugged, turning back toward the building’s entrance. You stayed there for a moment longer, your throat dry and the sound of the camera still echoing in your mind. You could have told the truth. You could have said you thought someone was following you with a camera, that the repetitive sound was stalking your steps like a phantom trail. They’d understand. It wouldn’t be the first time they dealt with stalker fans, invasions of privacy, or unauthorized surveillance.

But you didn’t know what you’d seen. You weren’t sure if there was really someone there or if it was just your mind projecting the fears you carried every time you walked alone through the streets.

Taking a deep breath, you finally pushed the gate and headed inside, but the unease lingered. Even with the studio lights and the voices of your friends in the background, you still felt the sensation of being watched. As if, somewhere out there, a pair of eyes continued following your every move.

“You shouldn’t ruin your day reading this kind of stuff online.” Jolly broke your trance as he scrolled through a website on his tablet.

“I’m just looking for entertainment,” you said, feeling each ounce of common sense leaving your brain as the hairdresser yanked on strands of your hair with force while styling it.

“Entertaining yourself by reading negative comments about you?” He laughed, sitting beside you and briefly checking his appearance in the mirror. “Maybe I haven’t told you how strange I think you are sometimes.”

“I like knowing someone hates me more than I do myself,” you let out a faint chuckle.

“I hate that kind of joke.”

He cut you off in a serious tone, his gaze dropping, making you shrug your shoulders. You felt comfortable enough in his presence to talk about the nonsense that passed through your mind, even though Jolly could be unpredictable with his responses. Sometimes, he could be gentle and understanding just by listening, and other times, he could say something so impactful it would leave you speechless.

That’s why you were friends—he knew exactly where your limits lay.

“I feel like I’m back at that show before our vacation in California in 2020 when they forced us to go on stage injured and then accused me of assaulting Noah. Sure, people already talked badly about me before, but I didn’t know the gates of hell would open that damned night.”

“I understand why you didn’t want to address it since you thought it was just between the two of you, and I partly agree…” he nodded, flexing his lips. “But you do realize Noah staying quiet contributed to people drawing whatever conclusions they wanted about you.”

“At the time, I thought he just wanted to avoid bringing up a sensitive topic for me,” you argued, offering a reasoning even you didn’t find convincing. “I was also messing up and lying to him. In my mind, if I got punished for it by letting him hurt me too, we’d be even.”

“And afterward?” he asked. “You two kept being seen together, and the internet kept tearing you apart, especially when they assumed you’d broken up, and things got even worse after the tour was canceled. I’m not bringing this up to turn you against him—not when I’m not taking sides—but I want you to understand how unfair you are every time you take what these people say as absolute truth when your only mistake was protecting him. But who protected you?”

At that moment, the silence was only more agonizing than the sound of the hairdryer.

You’d never even wanted to be protected and had never seen things from that perspective because you firmly believed you’d never need it. You’d always been enough for yourself, remember?

“I don’t think he meant any harm. We’ve never doubted that you’re his entire world, and how the aftermath of the breakup made him act like he’d died ever since. But the way Noah sees protection is very different from the way you do,” Jolly took a deep breath before continuing. “You think protecting someone is jumping in front of them, but he thinks protecting someone is putting them in a soundproof box.”

“Yes…” your voice came out as a muffled whisper.

You had the impression he didn’t try to defend you from the world because he spent most of his time trying to hide you from it.

“Stop looking at these things and reliving that time!” He said, taking the tablet from your hands and tucking it under his arm. “It’s a different time, and you’re different now, aren’t you?”

No.

“Yes, yes, of course.” You nodded, something twisting in your throat.

“Just for today, get ready and enjoy the night with that guy downstairs who’s practically throwing up from anxiety because your band is about to win an award thanks to your hard work!” He winked. “If you didn’t have such a terrible relationship, this album wouldn’t even exist. So I will always be this couple's number one fan!”

“Technically…” you raised an index finger, exaggerating a deep masculine tone. “We can’t say the award is ours yet, since Bad Omens never needed a prize to prove how good we are!”

“For fuck’s sake, Noah Sebastian, go to hell!” Jolly teased, rolling his eyes before planting a quick kiss on the top of your head and leaving the room.

The two hairstylists worked in silence, their skilled fingers gliding through your hair as clouds of nearly invisible steam rose from the flat iron. The rhythmic sound of the hair being straightened was almost hypnotic, but the silence felt louder than any other noise in the room. You sat there motionless, but your mind was already elsewhere.

Then your eyes locked on the mirror in front of you. For a moment, you simply stared at the reflection, not fully recognizing what you saw. The bright dressing room light highlighted every detail you’d normally ignore.

Your face.

The dark circles under your eyes were so pronounced they looked like someone had painted deep shadows in their place. Your skin appeared dull, lifeless, with uneven patches telling stories of sleepless nights and poor nutrition. Your collarbone, nearly skeletal, jutted out from the fabric of your robe as if trying to escape your skin. The sharp and fragile bones betrayed the thinness you tried to hide.

You tilted your head slightly, analyzing your reflection as if staring at a stranger. Your fingers, previously resting idly in your lap, moved involuntarily, rising to lightly touch your cheekbones, as if to confirm whether that thin, tired skin still belonged to you.

There was something disturbing about witnessing your own decline so starkly and undeniably. Maybe it was the contrast between the glow of the lights or the hairstylists’ effort to make everything look perfect, but you couldn’t look away.

A fleeting memory surfaced: you laughing with friends, messy hair, radiant skin, and an easy smile that now seemed to belong to someone else. Someone buried somewhere you weren’t sure you could reach anymore.

You blinked, trying to dispel the growing tightness in your chest. Your breath felt trapped, as if something was sitting on your lungs. A mix of shame and sadness rose like a lump in your throat. It was hard to accept that this—this version of you—was the result of choices that had seemed small at the time but now stacked up like bricks in a wall, isolating you from who you used to be.

The hairstylists kept working, unaware of the internal battle raging inside you. One of them said something, but you didn’t hear. You just nodded, keeping your eyes fixed on the mirror, trying to find some trace of light in that empty reflection.

A fake smile under layers of makeup, hair stiff with hairspray, and a dress so tight it nearly crushed your bones. This was you, a completely different version from what you had seen in the mirror minutes earlier.

Walking toward the studio hall to meet the guys, you struggled to fasten the bracelet on your wrist with one hand while following the sound of their parallel conversation.

As soon as you arrived, your friends howled playfully to signal their approval, and you felt your face flush from the attention.

“Cream is definitely your color!” Ruffilo exclaimed, rubbing his chin in mock amazement.

“I agree! You look like a mermaid!” Folio chimed in enthusiastically. “How can you even walk in those skinny heels? Holy shit.”

“You’ll see the result by the end of the night when my feet look like rotten sponges.” You rolled your eyes and kept walking closer to them.

“We’ll be ready to carry you!” he joked, flexing his biceps, and you couldn’t hold back your laughter for long.

“We’re late,” a dry voice cut through the air, and all the smiles faded as soon as he entered the space. “I don’t even want to go, and if you guys take any longer, I’m heading back home.”

You froze the instant you heard Noah’s voice fill the room. The weight you were carrying on your shoulders seemed to double with his presence, and, instinctively, your eyes sought his.

He stood by the door, hands in his pockets, his brow furrowed in a mix of boredom and impatience. But for a moment, he didn’t move.

His eyes were fixed on you.

Noah tried to maintain his mask of irritation, but the tension in his jaw softened as he looked at you. He blinked once, as if needing to convince himself that the vision before him was real. You had never seen him so... disoriented.

And then, something shifted.

It was as if he forgot where he was, the people around him, the noise. Everything disappeared. You were there, radiant, wrapped in that dress that seemed to embrace your figure as if it had been made for you. The subtle glow of your makeup highlighted your features in a way that was almost cruel because it was impossible to look away.

But Noah was a master of disguises, and the moment he became aware of his thoughts, he cleared his throat and looked away.

“Aren’t you all ready yet?” he repeated, his tone firmer than before, as if trying to hide behind his words.

The others exchanged quick glances, sensing the discomfort in the atmosphere. You tried to ignore how your throat seemed to close, as if you had caught onto something he didn’t want to show.

“Jolly just needs to finish his hair, and then we can leave,” Ruffilo replied, but Noah barely seemed to hear.

You took a hesitant step toward him, still struggling with the bracelet clasp.

“Noah… can you help me with this?” you asked deliberately, using the delay to buy more time for the others, your voice so soft it was almost inaudible.

He looked at you again, his eyes meeting yours briefly before shifting to the bracelet. A sigh escaped his lips, and he stepped forward, taking the delicate clasp between his fingers.

As he adjusted the accessory, your hands almost touched, and the warmth that spread across your skin felt like it ignited the air between you. He hesitated, his gaze once again captured by your proximity—by the small imperfections the makeup couldn’t conceal, by the emotions hiding behind your rehearsed smile.

“It’s done,” he finally said, stepping back abruptly, as if he needed to regain his composure.

“Thank you.”

You gave him a gentle smile, and he immediately looked away.

Of course, the two of you were in for a long night.

Flashes went off in an endless sequence, nearly blinding your vision as you paused on the red carpet. You all stood still as photographers scrambled for the perfect shot, and amidst the small chaos, you heard compliments thrown at everyone, especially you and the spot-on choice of your look.

“I admire your stylist’s courage,” Noah quipped without looking away from the cameras, “giving you a dress that might leave you completely exposed at any moment, even knowing how out of your mind you are.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t like my dress?”

"I didn't think it was anything special."

"That's not what the rest of the men at the awards think." You held back a smile and gave him a light nudge with your elbow.

"Pathetic," he growled, his tone hardening.

Luckily, before anyone around noticed the exchange of barbs between the two of you, the photo session ended, and you finally headed toward the hall.

The hall was illuminated as if every corner glowed on its own—a true celebration befitting what music meant to so many people there. You walked to the table reserved for the band, greeting a few familiar faces along the way.

"Hey!" Landon appeared and surprised you with a hug. "Damn, you look stunning!"

"Oh, thanks," you replied, slightly hesitant.

"Definitely the biggest prize tonight will go to whoever ends up with you by their side…"

"Can we sit down already?" Noah interrupted, and you cleared your throat awkwardly. "What are you even doing here? I don’t remember your dad authorizing any support for my band!"

"I'm nominated for Album of the Year." He shrugged with false modesty. "In case you forgot, we're not the only band under the label."

"Your band's name always seems to slip my mind—probably the size of its font on festival posters. But good luck with the Album of the Year," Noah said, extending a hand for a handshake. With a strained smile, Landon shook it back.

"If the criteria are the quality of compositions, I might just take this one. Not every band wastes time writing for TikTok, baby."

Noah maintained a serious demeanor as he watched Landon walk away, and you continued to the reserved seats. His eyes occasionally darted toward you, as if he were still caught up in the tension from the entrance. You tried not to let it affect you, focusing instead on politely responding to those who complimented your dress or the band’s recent success.

"Nervous?" Folio asked, leaning closer.

"Not really," you lied, adjusting your hair. "It's just another awards show, right?"

Folio chuckled softly. "Sure, just another awards show where we might beat three bigger bands with more years in the game. Totally not nerve-wracking."

"What happened to all that talk about having this award in the bag?" you teased, reminding him of one of his past remarks.

"Forget it, girl. My ass is sweating right now!" he shot back, downing a drink.

He wasn’t wrong, but you tried to mask the tightness in your chest, thinking about how much this meant to all of you. Drinking helped you stay a bit calmer, so by the time they were announcing other categories, you were on your fourth drink. The closer they got to potentially calling the band’s name, the sweatier your hands grew.

"I think you’ve had enough for tonight," he said, taking the glass from your hand and placing it on the table.

"For someone who just won two categories at an awards show, you're awfully grumpy, Noah Sebastian!" you joked, whispering as you nudged him again. "Come on, you’re Artist of the Year and have Album of the Year! Let’s celebrate!"

"I can’t believe you’re drunk," he muttered, shaking his head slowly. "You know very well I’d rather have a knife stuck in my brain than be reminded of the creative process for that album."

"But you’re forced to remember it every day, singing those songs on stage for two years now."

"Maybe that’s why I’m so happy," Noah replied sarcastically, though his body remained tense as the next announcement came closer—the Song of the Year category.

You’d bet he would rather the award go to Landon than be forced to go on stage and thank people for a song he despised, one he actively pretended didn’t exist during live shows.

"And the award goes to… Just Pretend by Bad Omens!"

You and Noah exchanged looks as the applause erupted. He was frozen in his seat, unwilling to stand, his frustration clear from being denied his wish. He hated losing, but right now, Noah wished for it.

Your fingers discreetly grasped his hands on the table, gently pulling him to follow you onto the stage. With each step toward the stage, you felt the weight of emotion growing with the applause, but there was something more. Noah was beside you, and while he kept his expression composed, the slight tremor in his fingers as he held the trophy revealed what words could not.

"Well…" he began, his attention divided between the trophy and the audience. His fingers were as unsteady as the tone of his voice.

You knew every micro-expression of his and could tell he was on the verge of breaking down—not just from nerves. Noah’s mind was flooded with memories, each one torturing him all at once.

"This award means so much to us…" You discreetly took over at the microphone. Thanks to the drinks, you were braver than ever. "Just Pretend is a beautiful song written by this guy right here, who, believe it or not, never put much faith in its power. But our fans did. They gave it new meaning—something different for each person who listened and made it their favorite. We thank you for redefining it and turning a song about loss into something about gain. This award is for you!"

Applause. Deafening applause.

As you stepped off the stage for the last time that night, Noah finally looked directly at you, his eyes shining with something you couldn’t quite decipher.

"Don’t think I’m going to thank you for this," he tried to use sharp words that completely contradicted what was in his eyes.

"Oh, I won’t be able to sleep tonight without Noah Sebastian’s gratitude," you said, feigning drama as you placed a hand on your forehead, smiling when he scoffed.

"We’re going to a bar to celebrate," Noah said, tossing the invitation into the air without looking directly at you. "The whole label’s going, and if you want to come…"

"Hmm…" You pouted, taking a few hesitant steps back to the table. "Tempting invitation, but I have a better commitment."

His steps halted abruptly, and he didn’t even bother to hide it as people navigated around your frozen bodies in the main passageway. You looked over your shoulder at him, narrowing your eyes when you saw the indifference in his face melt into a single emotion: jealousy.

"Where are you going?" he asked, gripping the trophy tighter as he stared at the widening smile on your lips.

"Find out."

⭑ @collisionofyourkissmakesitsohard ; @iluvmewwwww75 ; @anarchydomainglory ; @foliosgirl ; @lma1986 ; @chey-h ; @supersquirrel1996 ; @zozaline ; @just-randomm-stuff

[brights-place]

hiii!! could i request platonic brozone with a sibling reader who makes "kawaii metal" music (kind of like babymetal, if u wna look into it!)

basically they were the overlooked one of the siblings, weren't in brozone and when they all split up reader took their leave and began make metal/rock music !! maybe they reconnected with branch during the world tour and have kept in contact since? they didnt go on the adventure to save floyd (werent there for the wedding) but just the shinanigans that ensue when everyone is back together? angst with a fluff ending maybe?

Brozone with an Kawaii Metal! Sibling

Pairing: Brozone X S/O (Platonic)

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Swearing

A/N: OKAY I LOVE BABY METAL I VIBE TO IT SOMETIMES! DUDE ITS SO COOL AND THEIR OUTFITS ARE SO AMAZING! also I didn't highlight who was speaking cause I wrote this at 2:00am so sorry honey!

Your E/c eyes darted around the room after the mishap of what had happened on the Brozone stage every single do of your siblings were fighting except for branch who you quickly covered his ears before you shouted at them to stop which they didn’t listen at all bringing you into the argument aswell causing you tog get mad.

It was known in the family that you were overlooked for being the only girl and not the best singer or dancer like your brothers or any other pop troll so you were mainly shunned to the side. You were close to cursing out John Dory but was cut off by the male leaving the pod with an grappling hook while Clays and Bruce separated aswell as Your eyes glared at the three who had left to their rooms before glancing towards Floyd who gave the tow an guilty look as You scoffed leaving the pod to take breath of fresh air. Floyd stepped out before sitting beside you on the tree branch you were sitting on frowning as Floyd spoke "(name...)" you glanced behind him as he placed an hand on your shoulder "Take care of branch..." Your eyes glanced towards him "You better come back cause I'll be leaving soon" Floyd nodded slowly as you stood up and entered the pod hugging Branch who was confused before Branch whispered to you "are they coming back?" You glanced towards Branch and towards your grandma rosie puff who sighed "Yeah... it normal to happen" grandma rosie puff said walking over joining the hug as days later grandma rosie puff panicked when realizing They ACUTALLY LEFT. For the past years you helped your family before you had to go when branch was just 9 years old when you told him you were leaving he hugged you as you left the pod thanking grandma rosie and told Branch goodbye. How long had it been? 17? years since you left while it was 20 years for your Older brothers...

You stood on a stage with a bright smile as you moved around singing the lights focusing on you and your outfit which was a mix of bright and cheerful colors, with lots of pink and purple hues. Black accents are used to create a bold contrast.

The top was a crop top with lace up details on the sides, and it's in a pastel pink tone. The sleeves have loose ruffles to create a playful vibe. The skirt has a high waisted design, and is in a dark purple hue. It has several layers of ruffles, and is cut in a tiered shape yet there were slight metal like designs for example the spikes around the girls wrists and her studded belt that was held with her skirt.

You soon posed finishing your song panting looking into the crowd to see branch who stood beside a pink girl troll and Queen Barb as you squealed seeing the girl “Barbie-chan!” You teased tackling Barb in a hug as she groaned you still rembering the nickname you gave her when you caught her singing barbie in the middle of the night before glancing to Poppy nodding towards her in a greeting as she squealed "Hi! Im poppy! Barb has told us so much bout you! this is my boyfriend-" you caught Poppy off with speaking up "branch..." you teared up slightly covering your mouth as branch stared at you with wide eyes "(name)" You walked over cupping his face "You've grown so much little bro" you hugged him tightly as Poppy stared with wide eyes confused "YOU HAVE A SISTER?!" "It isn't that big of a deal-" "IT IS! OMG I HAVEN'T MET YOU! THIS IS SO AMAZING!" Poppy squealed hugging you again as you laughed patting Poppy is back "Its good to know someone took care of him when We- I was gone" You said making eye contact with branch who gave a weak smile towards you as you gave a sad look.

He filled you in what you missed and you cried but soon you reconnected next thing you knew a few months later you got sick so you couldn’t attend Bridgette and king gristles wedding but told branch and poppy to scrapbook it for you which poppy agreed to so much while branch hugged you goodbye.

You were informed by Barb, the others that Poppy and branch were on adventure which you were sad about but loved for them to bond more cause you what’s dot be an Auntie so bad!

Currently you were on stage jamming out singing at Volcano rock city branch saying he has to show me while poppy shouted that it was a surprise for you which you were excited about. While you were on stage your dress bouncing where you danced around singing as Trolls who enjoyed your ‘baby metal’ themed singing along as a group of five trolls stared at you on your stage with shock well 4/5 since branch was cheering

You made eye contact with him raising your Handel wave at your younger brother before freezing entirely when seeing four others that had left you with branch and grandma a bubbling feeling rising in your chest your grip on troubled tightening as you finished the song before leaving stage heading into your dressing room holding your head in your hands

You stood in front of your dressing room mirror panting as your heart raced slightly. You'd just been singing on stage when you noticed out of the corner of your eye you'd seen your OTHER four brothers in the crowd. They'd left you and Branch all those years ago, and now here they were watching you perform. As you stumbled into the dressing room, your head was swirling with a mix of emotions. You could feel the anger and hurt rising up in your chest, threatening to boil over.

As you sit in the dressing room your mind churns with conflicting emotions. Part of you wanted to burst out and confront them right then and there to demand explanations and reparations for leaving you and Branch behind for you to be the one with your grandomther to take care of him but another part of you hesitated... It had been twenty long years since you'd last seen them and a lot had changed. Perhaps they had also grown and matured and there was a chance for reconciliation and forgiveness.

A shaky breath past your lips for a moment as you hesitantly stepped out of the dressing room you were greeted by your older four siblings who stood waiting. Your eyes widened at their stances they looked nervous and guilty avoiding eye contact as they shuffled their feet awkwardly mostly John Dory as you took a moment to eye them silently as you were taking note of the slight changes in their appearances and demeanor. John Dory had slighter blue skin then back then when you were young his forest green hair with black eyebrows, his eyes are cyan and black, and a purple indigo nose. He wears this shirt in his torso, a brown and white plush collared vest with brown polka dots on his collars, green ripped shorts, and he is barefoot. His fingerless glove is brown, and a pair of goggles with magenta lenses and a lime green frame. The others changed alot to Spruce had the same slighter blue skin. Lucious purple hair with eyebrows, his eyes are black, and a purple nose. He is seen wearing his shirt with a black and white feather necklace around his neck, a black and white short-sleeved open jacket with scales on it, white roped shorts Clay's pale teal skin was normal yet now he had lime green hair that are from dark teal eyebrows his eyes are blue, and a blue nose. He wears a dark green romper with a green diamond and white outlines, lime green and white stripes bracelets. While your last brother floyd looked away making slight eyecontact with you as you paused pursing your lips for a slight moment Floyd was the last to stare at and how much he had changed from back in the day same skin tone as the rest and his usual dark magenta pink hair and eyebrows, his eyes are purple, and wears a black pearl earring on his right ear. Half of his hair is twisted around his head and partly covers the left side of his face. He is shirtless and has black ripped shorts and a large belt-buckle wrapped around his waist You stared at them you felt out of place when branch grinned motioning you to step forward as you eyed them before speaking "What are you doing here?" you questioned crossing your arms defensively as you surveyed your other siblings as branch patted your shoulder.

The four of them averted their gazes awkwardly shifting their weight and avoiding eye contact. John Dory in particular looked the most guilty he seemed to be struggling to find the right words to say. "We wanted to talk," he finally blurted out, his eyes darting up to meet yours before quickly looking away again. You hesitantly nodded, your arms still crossed tightly across your chest. Your eyes flicked between the four of them, taking in their nervous expressions. "Go on" you said gesturing for them to speak voice steady but cold. "Talk" Before you knew it your older brothers were hugging you babbling apologies as you panicked slightly as branch also felt awkward when wrapped around in the group hug with you as you paused "WHOA WHOA! Chill out!" You said scratching your cheek nervously. Maybe you might have missed them abit... your older brothers were the best... yet you still held them leaving you against them proudly now being able to do things to them in return which caused you and Branch to cause some chaos

reblogs + comments are appreciated ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

©brights-place 2023 — do not repost on another platform, copy, translate or edit my works! if you fit my DNI list please don't interact

[badnewswhatsleft]

scanned the little patrick interview from kerrang winter 2023<3

transcript under cut:

Patrick Stump’s mum is a methodical accountant who likes to plan ahead and think things through. She would bestow this organisational wisdom upon her son when he was growing up. When his band Fall Out Boy got signed, however, thereby kick-starting one of the most exciting trajectories of the past 20 years, Mrs Stump quickly realised there were limits to what she could assist him with.

“She said to me, ‘I can’t help you anymore - you’re beyond my area of expertise,’” Patrick recalls with a laugh.

In the years since, there has been no end of through-the-looking-glass moments for Fall Out Boy, a litany of incredible achievements highlighted by the ever-growing shows the Chicago four-piece - completed by bassist Pete Wentz, guitarist Joe Trohman and drummer Andy Hurley - have played. It’s an upscaling Patrick admits he still can’t fully process.

“I’m probably never going to get used to it, and I think I’m at peace with that,” he admits, taking time out backstage at Hamburg’s Barclays Arena on the band’s epic So Much For (Tour) Dust jaunt, which recently visited the UK.

Thankfully, Fall Out Boy will be back on these shores next summer, having been announced as headliners for Download Festival 2024, alongside Queens Of The Stone Age and Avenged Sevenfold. The news has given Patrick cause to reflect upon the pivotal shows and tours that have made FOB the band they are today, with a self-deprecating appraisal of the good times and the bad, the tiny gigs and the Hella Mega ones.

“A lot of my life makes sense to me, where I understand the various points of what happened and why, but there are moments with the shows we’ve played that make no sense at all,” Patrick reflects. “You go to arenas and they have pictures in the hallway of all the big artists that have played there, then they’ll have pictures of us, which sticks out to me!”

THE BAND’S FIRST-EVER SHOW AT DEPAUL UNIVERSITY CAFETERIA, 2001 “We were playing with some pretty cool math-rock and emo bands. When we got out there, we were horrible - I mean really terrible - and there were about three or four people there. I can’t remember what our band name was at the time - it wasn’t Fall Out Boy, and we were tossing some names around. I remember suggesting one of the names we had in mind to the drummer in one of the other bands and him telling me it sucked. We had a guitar player who I’d only met the week before and I’ve never seen since. I hope he’s doing good things. I heard he became a bike messenger. I cannot imagine a humbler beginning for a first show!”

FALL OUT BOY’S FIRST GIG WITH ANDY HURLEY, 2003 “I think it was with Andy’s other band, The Kill Pill. Andy played in both bands that night. It was a bigger show for us, opening for [Florida melodic hardcore band] As Friends Rust, and we didn’t have a guitar player, so I was playing guitar. It was weird because we were playing some newer songs, which stood out, so it felt like we’d started to actualise the band. I’m a drummer originally, so I was picky about drummers. But when we played with Andy, it was the first time that it felt right. I remember saying to a friend of mine who was there at the time that we were still a bad band then, and she said, ‘You guys couldn’t see it, but even then, it felt like the beginning of something.’”

THE FIRST UK TOUR, 2004 “One thing I remember was going to a Mexican restaurant, ordering tacos, and being unable to describe the things that arrived at the table - and not in a good way. That first UK tour was with Mest, and it was surreal. I think that might have been the first time I’d ever left the States, so going to another country felt like a big deal. When I got there, I realised the UK is similar in a lot of ways - particularly thanks to our shared musical history. One difference was that the venues all felt so much more punk rock than those in the States, with an unhinged basement vibe, which surprised me but was also thrilling.”

HEADLINING DECAYDANCE FEST AT THE HAMMERSMITH APOLLO, 2007 “I look back on some moments and realise they were bigger than I noticed at the time. The other bands on that bill - Panic! At The Disco, Gym Class Heroes, The Academy Is…, Cobra Starship - were all bands we’d played with a lot before that and were friends with, so at the time I thought, ‘Every show we do is Decaydance Fest!’ Then that moment in time was gone and I soon realised that it was crazy that we were able to get all those people together to do that show. You don’t necessarily realise you’re part of a thing when you’re part of a thing, so when I think back now, I’m amazed.”

THE LAST GIG BEFORE GOING ON HIATUS AT MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, 2009 “It was such a strange show. I had checked out at the time, and was busy thinking about solo stuff, but really I just wanted to make lots of music. One of the things that was crippling was making a record and then going on the road for two years to promote the record. For me, making records is what’s important, so the grind of having to make them so slowly was killing me. I was therefore in a bad space with the band. I think we were out with +44, and I remember Mark [Hoppus] shaving Pete’s head onstage. Pete had the famous haircut and that was the end of it. It was kind of a joke to do that, but it ended up proving to be fairly symbolic, as it really was the end to that whole moment.”

FALL OUT BOY’S FIRST GIG BACK AT SUBTERRANEAN, CHICAGO, 2013 “The whole thing happened so fast and so suddenly! We had a meeting in New York. The four of us met at our manager’s apartment and we talked about maybe getting together and seeing what happened. It was tense, actually, as we hadn’t talked to each other in a long time and there were all these old grievances - but there was also this sense that we were older and wiser. We put together some songs, and one of them was My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark (Light Em Up). On the morning of the show, we appeared on a radio show and the whole station felt excited about the song. It felt like the beginning of a rollercoaster. That night, when we played Light Em Up, a song people could only have heard hours ago, the room exploded!”

CO-HEADLINING THE MONUMENTOUR WITH PARAMORE, 2014 “That was one of my favourite tours! Andy and I would do a drum-off, so we got to play together, which was a full-circle thing for me, as I had never got to play drums in front of people with the band before then - so that was fun! I remember thinking on that tour that we were really getting somewhere as a band. Our first show, we were a pretty bad band. For a while in the early days, we wrote better than we played, and we thought better than we wrote. But as time passed things really came together. That tour was a point where we felt that we were really getting somewhere. Plus, the audiences were great on that tour - incredibly excited and giving.”

HEADLINING WRIGLEY FIELD BASEBALL STADIUM IN CHICAGO, 2018 “When I was a kid, the height of my ambition was to play the [1,100-capacity] Metro in Chicago. I never thought in a million years that we’d get to play Wrigley Field - I didn’t even know that bands played there. It’s not a venue, it’s where the Cubs play. I’m still in disbelief that we’ve now played it three times! That doesn’t make any sense to me. The first time we did it was terrifying, but also familiar. We used to have an apartment in Roscoe Village, which is walking distance from Wrigley Field. I remember Pete and I writing [2003 single] Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy together, then we went jogging around Wrigley, and a group of drunk Cubs fans shouted ‘Fucking losers!’ at us. Being inside that structure years later, singing that song, was therefore so surreal.”

HAVING A FREDDIE MERCURY EXPERIENCE HEADLINING READING & LEEDS FESTIVAL, 2018 “I think about that regularly. I’m not a natural performer. I used to act, so I could act as a character, but I couldn’t really be me and sing onstage - that never used to be comfortable for me. I have this very specific memory of This Ain’t A Scene, It’s An Arms Race. There was this part where I sling my guitar to the stage and I’m just singing and having the crowd sing with me. The way they responded at that point made me suddenly think, ‘Oh, I can do this!’ I remember running towards the audience with the microphone and the life that came back at me just blew me away. When you have an audience like that, you’re Freddie fucking Mercury! I think about that on an almost daily basis when we’re on tour. That song has a whole different life now because of my experiences at Reading & Leeds.”

PLAYING THE HELLA MEGA TOUR WITH GREEN DAY AND WEEZER, 2022 “I couldn’t have been more obsessed with a band than I was with Weezer in 1998-’99, when I was in high school. Then, years later, they’re your buddies and you’re playing with them and they’re playing some of your favourite songs ever. That is so strange. One of my musical origin stories was in fifth grade, when this kid in the middle of class beckoned me over. We snuck under a table, and he puts headphones on me and he plays Dookie. I was like, ‘What is this?!’ On that tour, Billie Joe Armstrong said I was a really good singer. I’m still recovering from that.”

[kuromochimi]

Cuffing Season

Nagi Seishiro, Barou Shouei, Kunigami Rensuke

• MINORS DNI • MINORS DNI • MINORS DNI •

the big boy song has been STUCK AND I MEAN STUCK in my head for days now, and I’ve been wanting to write for blue lock since I started watching the anime.. so have some blue lock big boys scenarios.

CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP AND ARE PRO PLAYERS IN THESE SCENARIOS. THEY ARE ALL 20+

Content Warnings: f!reader, NSFW, smut, dry humping, kissing/making out, fluff?, cuddling, slight exhibitionism, unprotected sex, fwb, mutual masturbation, lmk if I missed any

Nagi Seishiro

It felt warm and snuggly… and awfully heavy? Your cozy slumber was disturbed by the sudden weight you felt on your chest. Not enough to suffocate you, but definitely enough to cause discomfort, and you knew immediately who the culprit was. “Sei, move over. You’re sooo heavy” you tried to speak as best as you could while sleep still enveloped your entire body. “Come on baby, just a little. It’s getting cold” and he further snuggled into your body, moving up a little so that he could bury his head into the crevice between your neck and your shoulders. You surrendered. Was this the random guy you slept with at a Christmas party last week all because you complained that you were feeling lonely and you were both drunk enough to fuck at a storage closet? Yes. Was this also the guy who was surprisingly persistent on not only sleeping together but also hanging out and you always agreed to come with him because it was the holiday season and you didn’t want to feel lonely? Also yes. Your haywire thoughts were cut short when he started kissing up your neck, all the way to your jaw. His kisses were soft, gentle, and warming. He loved kissing you everywhere but he knew where you liked it best. “Stop teasing, sei, come up. I want it here”

With groggy eyes, nagi looked up at you as soon as he heard you speak. You were so sexy with your sleepy voice. He found you biting your lower lip, already anticipating his lips to unlock your own. “Course baby, I got you” without a single breath to spare, he moved himself up to level his face with yours and he all too suddenly, but gently, locked his lips with yours, not waiting a single moment before he pushed his tongue into your mouth like he hasn’t already done it countless times before in the week’s time you’ve known him. His huge hands were gripping your thighs, pulling you ridiculously closer to him, almost grinding your clothed pussy against his crotch, all while you were heavily making out and losing breath over your mutual refusal to pull away from each other. You were getting too wet. Just as the thought of going all way popped up in your head, the loud alarm of your phone resonated all over the room. You remembered setting it to wake you up in time to clean your place up before your parents came to visit. It was utter panic in your head. “Sei, we can’t.” You trued pushing him away “fuck I want to, but my parents are on their way right about- fuck.. stop grinding” he clicks his tongue before getting up to grab his clothes, strewn all over your bedroom floor. “Fine, but you’re going to have to make it up to me. Such a hassle. Making me leave with a fucking boner” he was mumbling while putting his clothes on. You couldn’t help but giggle a little at how cute he was acting, like he didn’t almost just fuck you stupid had the circumstances allowed him to.

Barou Shouei

Months into your friends with benefits set up with barou, you found that he had a habit of grunting A LOT in his sleep. And to be honest, you’d normally complain about it if it were any other person. But god does he sound so fucking sexy like that. His deep, rough voice just becomes a hundred times more attractive when he’s sleepy. At first, you found it embarrassing to admit that his grunts sometimes turned you on. But you immediately caved and told him when you just couldn’t stop yourself that one time during winter. “Shouhei” you gently nudged him awake after you barely just got out of his tight embrace. He wasn’t a light sleeper but whenever you’d wake him up under such circumstances, he already knew what you were going to ask for. “Didn’t I fuck you enough a couple hours ago, hm?” His eyes were still closed as he spoke. He’s right. In fact, you were still a tad sore but you were also dripping wet right now. “Just.. just keep talking, shou, like.. like that” your words were spoken in broken breaths, and he didn’t have to look to know what you were doing. He could hear the sheets rustle and the all too familiar sound of your sleep shorts and panties being pulled down and it was all he needed. “Acting so slutty and it’s barely even dawn. How are you so insatiable? Fine, get off with my voice, won’t you? Use me to make yourself cum” no more words came from you. Only whimpers and moans and the squelching of your fingers plunging in and out of your pussy. “Fuck that’s so hot” it took a while for you to notice that he too, was touching himself. He was grunting again, but not because of sleep but because he was fucking into his fist while listening to you moan his name over and over while you took care of your own pleasure.

Kunigami Rensuke

It felt both awkward and surreal to be snuggled into kunigami’s chest while a movie was playing in the background. Yes, it was only background noise at this point as you were too busy humping your childhood friend turned.. situationship or whatever the hell you two had. He had his arms wrapped around your body as you straddled him. Your body was tucked into his warm embrace while your hips moved to grind your clothed core against his hard dick which he had already pulled out from his sweats. “Ren, we have to stop” you whimpered into his ear while still grinding against his hard, exposed, leaking cock. You wanted to let him fuck you so bad but unfortunately, your sister, who also happens to be your roommate, was already asleep in the room right across the couch where you were currently at and all she knew was that kunigami was nothing more than that kid from across the street. The kid you always claimed to be nothing but your friend. Yeah right, you thought. Friends definitely don’t fuck. Especially not ones with as much of a history as you and kunigami did. He bucked his hips up, grazing against you clit, making you release the moan you’ve been trying so hard to stifle for the past whatever minutes you’ve been humping your “friend”. “I can’t stop, princess. Too good. Too fucking good, can I cum?” Your eyes widened, unsure if it was safe to let him cum on the couch. What if he cums all over and messes up the couch and then your sister would find out about what you’ve been doing with kunigami during your “movie nights”. “No, ren you can’t make a mess- Cum inside me!” you almost moaned again. “Okay fuck you’re so hot, so good f’ me” he pulled your sleep shorts and underwear to the side before abruptly shoving his cock into your pussy before he came inside without a single thought except the pleasure you were giving him.

Finally! My first ever blue lock work <3

This was written on a whim but it’s been a while since I’ve had the motivation to write and I was so surprised with how quick I finished this. Didn’t even have to make a draft bc I straight up wrote and posted it in one go 😵‍💫 Hopefully blue lock gives me my writing motivation again..

[elly-grace]

The love of my life

Pairing: Joe Burrow x Reader

Warning: idiots in love

Word count: 1234

Disclaimer: just pretend that’s how the championship game went idk how it actually went lol.

LSU 2020

The Tiger stadium had never been so packed before. The atmosphere was the best it’s ever been. You could tell the players were definitely feeding off the vibes of the stadium.

“Burrow steps back looking for an open man down field. And he found his man Chase. He’s at the 40, 30, 20, 10. TOUCHDOWN TIGERS!”

The roar of the crowd is deafening. This was it, all that stood between them and the championship was 2 minutes.

Two minutes of amazing game play, two final minutes of being in a LSU tiger jersey for some. Two minutes of watching your best friends play on the field together for the last time.

Tears stream down your face knowing that your best friend led the team to an undefeated season. There was no doubt in your mind, he’s going to the NFL.

You're pulled out of your thoughts by your other best friend Myla elbowing you. As you come to your senses you feel someone stare at you. On the sidelines not paying any attention to the game was Joe Burrow. He looked at you concerned.

You motioned to him to turn around and pay attention to the game with a stern look on your face. He didn’t listen, he kept looking at you.

“How can two people be so oblivious?” Myla said in a sing-song voice.

You rolled my eyes at her and started walking to the fence of the bleachers where Joe could see you.

“Hey Burrow, pay attention to the game. You can’t ruin your perfect record. What if you need to go back out there?”

“You're crying?”

“I’ll tell you later. Now pay attention to the game.” You said then started walking back to your seat. By the time you made it back there were only 30 seconds on the clock.

The Tigers won the game. You were so happy and proud of your friends. But you were also sad Justin and Joe are going to the NFL draft. Tears start to stream down your face again.

“You seriously need to stop crying.”

You have Myla a dirty look.

“So you're not at all sad that Justin just played his last game with Joe and Marr? You’re going to have one sad boyfriend for a little bit.”

“Keep saying that’s why you're crying, I don't believe you.”

You just ignore her and run down to the tunnels to meet the boys. When you hear a voice call out to you

“Y/n wait up.” You turned around next to the tunnel to see Josh, a boy from your history class.

“Hey Josh, how are you?”

“Good, so I was wondering if maybe you want-“

He was cut off as you felt strong arms wrap around you.

“No she wouldn’t. Bye now.”

“Joseph, what if I wanted to go on a date with him?”

He scoffed, he was shocked by what you just said. You have never been one to accept date offers from men. He’d never admit it but he liked that, because that meant he still had a chance.

“Now tell me why you were crying.”

You couldn’t believe that this man just cockblocked you and is now making demands. You just scoffed, seeing Ja’marr walk out you ignored Joe and ran to Marr.

“CONGRATS MARR!” You gave him a hug. And he picked you up and spun you around.

Joe's heart broke a little at the sight. Justin saw the exchange between You and Ja’marr and walked over to Joe.

“You need to tell her.”

Joe looked up at Justin in shock.

“Tell her what?”

“Man we’re not oblivious, you’ve clearly got feelings for her. Tell her before someone beats you to it.” He said and Joe sighed he knew Justin was right but he didn’t know how to convey his feelings for you.

LSU February 2020

History lecture couldn’t go any slower. The lecture hall was small and stuffy, it was meant to fit 20 students tops. But this lecture was with 42 students. Sure, cram this lecture in the smallest lecture hall.

At least Myla and Ja’marr were in this class. The three of you are paying partial attention to the professor. You loved history and obviously were the one paying the most attention out of the three. Jotting down notes occasionally that undoubtedly Myla and Ja’marr were going to copy.

When the hour and a half was up you gathered your stuff and left. You didn’t hear the voices calling after you. Finally a hand reaching your shoulder startled you.

“Hey Y/n how was lecture?”

You turned around to see Joe, you’ve been avoiding him since he cockblcoked you. You rolled your eyes and started walking away again.

“Y/n I’m sorry. How many times do I need to say it till you forgive me?”

“Please leave me alone Joe.”

“Y/n please you’re my best friend.”

“Maybe I’m tired of being your friend.”

“You. You don’t mean that.”

“I- I can’t be your friend Joe.”

“Y/n stop. Tell me what’s wrong”

“I have to go.”

You walked away as tears started to stream down your face.

“I THINK I LOVE YOU Y/N.”

You froze, too shocked to move. Finally you pinch yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming. You’ve wanted to hear those words out of his mouth since last year. When you met it was love at first sight. You finally turn around and see tears on his face as well.

“I-I, have feelings for you Joe.”

“Then please stay even if we’re just friends. If we date and things don’t work out. I can't lose you.”

“Why would you date me?”

“Because as I stated I think I have feelings for you. Hell, I think I love you. Please let me take you on a date. One date is all I ask.”

“One date if things don’t go well l then friends.”

“Deal”

A smile appears on both of your faces.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you that for a while”

You stared at him dumbfounded.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was afraid you didn’t feel the same. But seeing you almost walk out my life I knew I needed to tell you. You deserved to know at least.”

“Joe, how could you have thought I didn’t feel the same? I’ve been falling for you since Marr introduced you to me.”

You both laugh realizing you could have been together since last year.

“Let’s get out of here. Also you owe me an answer still.”

He grabbed your hand as he dragged you out of the building.

“Of course you’d remember.”

“The girl I'm pretty sure I'm in love with was crying, of course I remember.”

“I was crying cause that was the last time I’ll ever see you in a tigers uniform. The last time you and Marr will play together. The last time you and Justin will play together.” You paused. “The last time I might ever get to see you do what you love. At least in person because you're going to the nfl.”

“Y/n I’m not leaving you! I’m going to call you every night from wherever I’m drafted to. You’ll be at some of my games I know, I’ll even save the tickets for you Ja’marr and Myla.”

“Okay I am totally in love with you.”

Joe leans in.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes”

[superblysubpar]

All Of This Snow Is Falling, I Can Make You Fall Too:

modern!eddie munson x fem!reader

2.5k words

the song: santa doesn't know you like I do by Sabrina Carpenter

summary: A trashy reality show, a big reveal, and a disagreement on best friends to lovers being a total cliché.

warnings: modern, teacher, best friend, roommate Eddie - except the teacher thing is really barely mentioned and the only reason it's modern is because of the show | Both him and reader are like late 20s, early 30s but no detailed description of this - it's more so to let you know they've known each other for a LONG time and are still single | no hate to trashy reality shows like The Bachelor, I'm a sucker for em | alcohol mentions | some clothed grinding, ass grabbing making out

the prompts: [french] - a deep, passionate kiss with tongue [STRADDLE] - one muse sits down in the others lap

day 3 of 12 days of superbly subpar writing // requested by @lavendermunson - thank you so much, I hope you love the direction I took it in, I had a lot of fun writing this one 💛

“It’s back on! I can hear it! Eddie pause it! Quick!”

Your muffled cry from inside a sweatshirt you couldn’t quite find the hole to pop your head through sounded truly panicked as you stumbled out of your bedroom. He laughed, sliding out of the kitchen and did as you asked, swallowing and looking away at the bare skin of your stomach as your shirt pulled higher, trapped in the sweatshirt. 

It was a Friday night, the apartment you two shared dark aside from the blue of the television, the warm glow from the lamp shedding light onto the scattered papers littered with red pen marks, and the occasional burst of white light as the fridge was cracked for another beer or a refill on cereal milk. 

He stood, waiting for you to grab the bowl from his hands, sucking in a breath and ignoring the way his heartbeat picked up speed when you smiled, hair a mess and skin flushed when you finally wrangled the sweatshirt down. He didn’t know what was worse, remembering the day you made the old, hand-bleached sweatshirt, or how your body underneath it looked the day you did. 

It had been the hottest day of the summer, he had been laying in the dark, with a fan blowing on him when the lights flipped on without warning. Wincing and squinting as you stood above him, a lime green bikini top, cut off shorts - that kind the pockets stuck out past the frayed denim, revealing far too much. A grape popsicle in one hand and a bag from the dollar store in the other asking him if he wanted to have some fun. Somehow the girl he’d grown up with, somehow his best friend, and somehow a woman with a figure and confidence and-

He’d struck out on every single date he’d had since, either calling it off himself or girls telling him he should “tell her” whatever the fuck that means. 

Eddie stood in front of you, holding out the bowl of fruit loops, until you took it with both hands, bouncing up and down on your now wool-sock covered toes. He kept his gaze on the bowl as he poured, waiting for you to say ‘when’ and you took the opportunity to admire the way his eyelashes cast a shadow on his skin and the way this new shorter haircut made his curls go every which way and wondering if it’d be weird for you to card your fingers through it. 

You know, as friends do. 

His brown eyes met your gaze, his eyebrows shooting up in a question and you startled out of imagining things you shouldn’t have been about your best friend. “Oh! When! Sorry!”

Nestling yourself between the couch and coffee table, you glanced at the short stories he was grading while he put the milk away and grabbed a beer, your voice calling out around a too big of bite, “One for me please!”

He was already rounding the corner with one in hand and you beamed, putting on a funny voice, “Why thank you good sir.”

Eddie flicked your shoulder as he sat, “You’ve had too much sugar tonight.”

Taking another bite, you drummed your hands on the coffee table, waiting until you had swallowed to look at him, remote poised to hit play. “So, final predictions, Munson?”

He sighed, taking a swig of the amber liquid, letting it coat his tongue as he squinted at the TV. “For the record, again, I do not like this show and I have not been watching it and-”

Your hand waved him off, interrupting, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, your man card is still intact. Just play the game.”

He hunched over the coffee table, elbows on his knees after he ran a hand through his hair. You quickly looked at the TV before your eyes could linger on the muscle flexing in his arm, before your mind could wander to the tattoos that disappeared under the white cotton shirt. Before you could start to wonder about the matching tattoos in script on his ribcage, tracing it with his tong-

“Ex. Totally the ex.” He declared, starting to grade again. 

“No way, they did that like three seasons ago. I think it’s the girl he sent home that first night. The one he talked to, you know? He walked her out? Which is really weird for a first rose ceremony.”

“Uh-huh.” His eyes scanned the story about aliens and cowboys in front of him, his middle schoolers just as unpredictable and weird as you. He loved them. 

You tapped the back of the paper, nodding, “This one should get an A,” you spoke around a mouthful, “Real plot twist ending.”

He tapped your nose with the cap of his red pen, “Who has the teaching degree?”

His lips twitched in a fight of a smile at your eye roll and your snarky, “Who’s home on a Friday night grading twelve year old’s writing while watching ‘The Bachelor’?”

“Not watching,” he took another sip of beer.

“Uh-huh.”

He’d lost count of how many years he’d “not” been watching The Bachelor with you, but long enough for The Bachelorette, and then Paradise to be added. 

It became a tradition to record them and wait till your schedules allowed you both to sit down and watch it. This season, they’d been hinting about this episode from the beginning, some big reveal, a person interrupting a date, and you’d been placing bets for a month. 

You nodded, satisfied, hitting play, “I’m right.”

The dramatic music resumed, the heels clicked on the cobblestone as a deep sapphire blue dress was panned up and up-

Eddie’s eyebrows bunched, his stomach did a little twist because of fucking course. He watched as your spoon, overflowing with fruit loops, stopped before your lips. Your mouth parted in a gasp, and you swore. 

“Vanessa?” Hunky bachelor man sputtered on screen. The blonde he’d just been about to makeout with completely forgotten as he stood, smiling through his shock, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh my god,” your spoon clattered into the bowl, pink milk splashing over the side a little as your hands went to your temples, elbows landing hard on the coffee table. 

Vanessa looked at the blonde date, then at him, whispering, “Hey, I know…sorry I’m so nervous.” She laughed a little, reaching for his hand he was already offering out reassuringly, “Can I talk to you?”

Hunky bachelor man didn’t hesitate for a second, nodding, “Of course. Yeah, hold on.”

He excused himself from the other girl, the two walking away and talking incoherently as the camera zoomed in on sad blonde. Eddie was ninety percent certain her name was Rachel and she taught yoga. Or maybe it was Jessica and she was in real estate. 

Either way, sad blonde was now in her confessional. Her blue eyes dead, fake, runny mascara lines running down her cheeks as she stared at something beyond the camera, and a commercial started. Eddie booed. 

Your head whipped around, glaring at him, “Why the hell are you booing?!”

Eddie shook his head, gesturing at the TV and took another swig of his beer, angry. “That’s bullshit.”

You were on your knees, sitting up, eyes wide, tone incredulous, “What do you mean that’s bullshit?!”

“The best friend? C’mon.” He rolled his eyes, shaking his head at the screen again. 

“I don’t understand why you think that’s bullshit?” Your cheeks hot, hand in your hair as your brain circled through the footage of them from the beginning of the season. The interview with her smiling sadly, wishing him luck and hoping the best for him. Hoping he found what he was looking for. 

You started to message your other bestie:

You: IT WAS THE BEST FRIEND?! Robin: babe, seriously? You didn’t see that coming? YOU?

Your eyes darted over to Eddie, quickly locking your phone again as his adam’s apple bobbed with another gulp. 

Was it that obvious?

Eddie scratched at the label on his bottle, knee bouncing as he shrugged. “I think there’s gonna be some big confession about how she’s always loved him, maybe he says it back, but like, if she always loved him, why weren’t they together before the show? Why is she saying it now?”

“Maybe she didn’t know how she felt fully,” you countered, hand thrown to the TV.

He shook his head again and stood, “If she didn’t know how she felt, why is she there? Why is she a part of the show? I bet they offered her a shit load of money.”

Eddie felt hot, angry at a fake reality show, making people believe best friends fall in love. Making innocent people hope that one day it could happen to them. It was bullshit. It wasn’t real.  

You were on your feet, following him towards the kitchen. “No, no way. That was all her. Couldn’t you see it in her face? She loves him. She just needed to tell him before it was too late.”

Eddie tossed his empty bottle, spinning to find you right on his heel. “Okay, maybe she is. Maybe it’s real and not for TV, but then that’s super shitty of her.”

You laughed, hands on your hips, “What?! How is telling someone you love them, shitty, Eddie?”

He threw his hands in the air, “Because! She had to have known for a long time. Had to have known how she felt. The only reason she’s telling him now is because she’s jealous. Or she’s afraid she’ll lose him, so she’s sabotaging his love life which is selfish.”

Your head shook, but Eddie’s heart accelerated, words tumbling out of him before he could stop them. “I bet that guy has been in love with her since they were like fifteen and every single relationship he’s had has ended because of her. Because,” he licked his lips and spoke faster, hands gesturing wildly, “If it wasn’t him comparing every single girl to her, it was them, dumping him, because of his best friend hanging around making them doubt their relationship.”

His words felt like a bucket of cold water was dumped on you, toes going numb as he finished, voice softer, strained, “And that’s really fucking shitty. If she knew how she felt and never told him.”

“Maybe she was scared to ruin their friendship! Did you ever think about that? And why couldn’t he tell her?” Your cheeks hot, fingers curled in fists at your side as you glared at your best friend. Was he insinuating that you were the reason he was single? Your throat felt dry, head and heart pounding as you blurt out, “What if she lost her best friend in the whole entire world because she was selfish and had to know how his lips felt, huh? What if it didn’t work out?”

Your bodies were magnets, chests almost touching as your breath came sharper, his brown eyes darting over your face - the few inches between you pulsing, like if someone snapped their fingers a fire could start. 

Voice cracking, as you stared at the curve of his lips, “What if the guy who held her hand on a swing set when they were ten and promised to always be there, suddenly wasn’t there?”

Eddie swallowed, nerves of that ten and fifteen year old alive like he never outgrew them because suddenly he wasn’t talking about the show anymore and neither were you. 

Your breath caught in your chest as he reached his hand towards you, heart stumbling over itself it was going so fast as his fingers curled around your jaw. 

His voice was raspy, full of years, but soft, eyes even more so as he leaned in, forehead touching yours.

“Sweetheart, he’s always gonna be there.”

Then he was kissing you.  

His lips parted over yours, a ghost of a touch, before he let a shaky exhale warm them, waiting. 

It was like tasting your favorite food for the first time, the way you tilted to catch his lips again, needing more, the way the movement encouraged him to keep going. The scrape of his short scruff against your skin made your toes curl, spice and mint of his cologne drawing you closer. He parted your mouth with his, a little fuller of a kiss, stealing your breath as he caught your bottom lip with his teeth. Cheap beer and sweet cereal on shared breaths, each of your desperate inhales pushing your chests together, back arching as his hands found your hips and yours climbed higher up his chest. 

The two of you started to stumble backwards, your lips moving a little more desperately against each other until the back of his legs were hitting the couch. Your body followed his, knees landing on either side of his hips as he sat and you spoke into his lips, both panting. “Is this okay?”

Eddie nodded, hands roaming lower, sliding over the curve of your ass as he tapped his nose against yours, brown eyes hidden under heavy lids and blown out pupils. His bottom lip hitting your top with his own question, “This?”

You pressed yourself lower, feeling him hard against you and groaned as he squeezed. “So okay, Eddie.”

He cursed quietly, encouraged your hips, holding them down and thrusting up to meet each roll as he leaned in for more. 

Eddie’s lips brushed over yours in a gentle, deep, and confident way. A man who knows how to kiss, and does so with intent. His hand roamed from your hip, waist, settling against your ribs and scratching as his tongue licked slowly over your bottom lip, releasing a shiver to run through your body. 

Your hands explored up the smooth planes of his chest, over broad shoulders, until they were against the back of his head, fingers running through the short, dark curls there. His mouth savored yours as his hands pressed to the back of your spine, drawing you closer, your chests heaving together, kissing becoming urgent, like you were making up for the years of lost time. 

Gripping each other tightly, each sharp inhale and exhale against one another addicting, demanding you be closer. You tugged on his hair to hear him stutter out your name, a whisper against kiss bitten lips, he rolled his tongue over yours before sucking on your bottom lip to draw a noise from deep within your chest out. 

Teasing and curious touches, using what you’ve grown to know about each other from years of bad (and some good) dating stories, and trying to learn even more yourselves.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were fifteen,” her voice echoed out of the TV speaker and your mouth titled in a smile, teeth scraping against his bottom lip. 

Eddie huffed, the two of you breaking apart, breathless as you laughed together. 

His palms soothed up and down your spine, his nose skimming the bridge of yours as you both took a second to breathe, to realize what had been in front of you the entire time.

“It was always you,” hunky bachelor man choked out. 

Eddie rolled his eyes as you threw your head back in a louder laugh, his smile pressed along the hinge of your jaw, shaking his head as he squeezed your waist. 

Yeah, it was always you. 

[monodramatic-cannibal]

Refs done for my UToc :DD He's called Nix-Ceto. His blaster's don't really have names, but oh well lol.

He's open for asks and such, I also don't mind ocs interacting as well. (also I don't mind others ocs being related to his lore either lol)

More info under the cut

Head canon voice: toe - グッドバイ / Goodbye

More info on his design:

His height is 5,9

Late 20s early 30s in terms of age (will edit if I choose an age), a little bit younger than most Sanses.

His clothing is made of somewhat waterproof fabric, so when water is available he may use it to travel as he finds it quicker to move around due to his tail allowing him to swim quicker

Tends to have triangle symbolism on his clothes that he wears, he does this subconsciously.

25% of the time he will have the fish blaster’s out just swimming along the air beside him. For no reason other than he likes watching them move around.

The sword and its case is something he can summon/desummon as well. But tends to have it with him 50% of the time since it does have a shoulder strap to carry it. (I also named his sword after this song)

When his eyes flare with magic it flashes/fades back and forth from yellow to blue.His ecto colour is also blue on the outside and yellow in the middle. (sort of like the fish blasters ecto)

Will randomly lose teeth, but due to having shark teeth/very similar mouth to sharks the tooth will quickly be replaced.

Despite the somewhat formal fashion sense he tends to look a bit scruffy, hates it if anyone tells him to tidy himself up.

The gaster blasters are inspired by how @.tinylittlefox1 (Twitter) draws gaster blasters. What his gaster blaster sounds like (The 'fish' blaster's don't have a noise yet)

-----------

His magic:

Is able to summon multiple gaster blasters like normal Sanses, as well as the bone attacks and blue attacks.

His gaster blasters can go against his orders though, often doing different attacks e.g. instead of shooting a beam at someone they may bite someone instead. They might also not attack if Nix-Ceto doesn’t truly want to fight someone, or if someone had befriended the blasters.

Ceto also has two extra summons, in the ‘fish’ blasters, these can’t shoot beams but can create barriers/shields, can be used for multiple things, such as blocking attacks, trapping people, creating bridges, etc. He has more control over the fish blasters, but tends to let them do their own thing, since they seem to know the best times of when to defend him.

His other summon is his sword. His sword having a water effect whenever he swings it, and seems to create water when swinging it too, the more he swings it/the longer he uses it in a fight the more water it produces. Which Ceto will use to help in fights such as flicking this water in peoples faces to hopefully blind them for a second.

-----------

Nix-Ceto (can have the nickname of Nix or Ceto) is a Sans that came from an au where he didn’t feel like he belonged, having a very hazy memory, and no memories of childhood. It turning out he came from a different au, and basically took the place of the Sans in this new au. He still did care for the friends in this au, and still viewed the Papyrus as his brother. But finding out he didn’t really belong here it inspired him to try to find where he did come from.

After an encounter with Dream, Dream helped him discover the fact he has the ability to open portals to other aus. Which leads him to now take the nickname Nix-Ceto to differentiate himself from the other Sanses. Out of respect for Dream he also goes round dealing with the smaller problems that don’t have the attention of the multiverse guardians/The Star-Sanses. He does this to try to relieve Dream of some stress not having more problems, and also because Nix wants more allies on his side, via helping aus out.

Over time his focus became less on trying to find his og au and more so just making memories and figuring out secrets and mysteries within the multiverse.

Nix-Ceto is described as a quiet cold individual by most people that meet him. But the few that actually take time to get to know him a little bit better discover he is an individual that cares a lot for others, that is willing to fight alongside others to help them achieve their hopes and dreams. Though the ones who get to know him also complain about the fact he never says goodbye when leaving.

Ceto never says goodbye since he thinks goodbyes are sad. What's the point in saying goodbye if they might meet again, and what's the point in saying goodbye if you're not to meet again. Ceto has a realistic view on life, verging into pessimistic way of viewing things. But he still holds onto what he views as good, and cherishes connections that he makes in the multiverse.

He doesn’t mind teaming up with others, and wouldn’t mind if others were to travel with him from time to time. Him often acting as a beacon of hope for others who want to see the multiverse and find their place. Ceto has seen plenty of travel partners come and go, and tends to remember each of them, and will even pass along their stories not letting the memories of their adventures go.

Most aus he goes to tend to be pacifist or neutral. Since there's not much he can do for a genocide au, the only time he may go to a geno au is if it's getting destroyed by an outside source, he will often help move people into the omega timeline. Most aus he tends to try not to get attached too, since he knows he will only be moving onto the next very soon. But other than 'his own', he got a soft spot for the au 'Oceantale', even though everything is underwater in the au he has no problem moving around due to his shark tail. With Oceantale he also gets a feel of familiarity, though he isn't sure why, he assumes it's because maybe he was originally from an au that heavily involves water, but he isn't too sure on that. Just generally any au with some ocean theme, or aus that take place on the surface involving water he tends to like more than other aus.

-----------

Can either go by Nix, or Ceto as nicknames, most people tend to use Nix for him. Is sometimes thrown off by people using his full name if he's used to having that person use a nickname for him.

He often doesn't take many breaks when traveling around the multiverse. Often it's his companions who force him to take a break. He doesn't have too much he likes to do in his free time, but does try to take part in whatever one of his companions are doing in their free time.

He does enjoy music, often listening to quieter songs, most songs either with no vocals or with soft vocals in them. Preferring the music itself rather than a singer.

When it comes to food he's mostly not picky, he can make food himself, but it's normally 'decent', will often let companions he travels with make food instead. Though when feeling home sick he often misses food he'd make with Paps. Making a mental note to go visit his 'au'.

Doesn't tend to carry much, often may carry supplies with him, but tries to pack very lightly. This means he doesn't really like carrying anything around that he deems as unnecessary. Meaning if any aus try to give him gifts for helping he will often refuse, since it's normally gifts that aren't practical for him. Will normally accept food as gifts though, or generally supplies he will actually use.

Dislikes eye contact and physical touch. Very few people can actually hold his eyes, or touch him. If someone he doesn’t know touches him chances are he will flinch away and even say something like ‘ew’ at them. Just doesn’t like being noticed, and dislikes the feeling of being touched. Though for the people who are able to touch him may notice he seems touch starved.

When dealing with threats across the multiverse he often gives threats 2 chances to stop. One before he fights them, then another chance before he kills them. He knows it may make him as bad as these threats, but in his head they can’t hurt anyone else if they’re dead. They can’t cause any more problems if they’re dead. Nix sees what he does as a necessary evil, murder to get rid of the murderers/problems. He tries not to drag anyone else into these fights, since he knows a lot of people are against hurting, let alone killing, another being.

-----------

Relationships/ (Friendships/etc) with other characters/thoughts on other characters: (will only write about my own ocs here, or fandom characters. Won’t write about others ocs due to not wanting to mischaracterize them)

Tanue: One of the companions he travels with frequently is Tanue. Tanue has been a constant thorn in his side since they met. Basically since Tanue realized Nix could travel around aus without help from one of the multiverse guardians/outcodes Tanue has been using Nix like an multiverse taxi. Nix at first was a little annoyed about being used like that, but over time the two got to know each other. And Nix holds a little bit of respect for Tanue, only a little. Nix will be one of the first to admit that Tanue has a good heart, and knows what he wants from life. Nix is a little jealous of Tanue in the regard of knows who he is and what he wants from life. But he doesn't let that effect their friendship. Nix travels around to solve problems, but Tanue often ends up being a problem himself, due to Tanue's love for fighting. But Nix due to so much time with Tanue is able to reel Tanue back in.

Yusuke: Someone who was in one of the first few aus he helped evacuate to the Omega Timeline while it was being deleted. Has known Yusuke for several years, he’s very close to Yusuke, and very protective over him. Sees Yusuke as his best friend, Yusuke being one of the only few people to easily joke around with Nix able to hold Nix’s gaze and touch Nix as well. Yusuke will often jokingly flirt with him, which he also finds amusing too, since it always comes at random times and often are unhinged flirts. Used to travel with Yusuke a lot, but Yusuke wanted to settle down in the Omega Timeline, and had begged him to do the same, which Nix didn’t want too. Which lead the two to not be in contact as often since Nix was always coming and going from the Omega Timeline. But due to a sudden change in Yusuke’s mind, Yusuke has decided to try to pick back up traveling with Nix.

Star Sanses: Mainly has respect for Dream, both for teaching him how to open portals, and Dream also encouraged him to find his original au, which started him out on this journey of his. The other two members of the stars he never met, so can’t say too much about them. Part of him knows Dream wouldn’t be happy with how he handles some problems, but in his eyes ‘they can’t be a problem anymore if they’re dead.’

-----------

(if anyone wants to have any of their utau oc’s lore connected to Nix-Ceto’s story, e.g. as one of the people who traveled with him or is currently traveling with him, go for it lol. I don’t mind peoples ocs interacting with mine.)

(also this info on him might be subject to change, and I may add more to it over time lol)

[phyx-m]

Beneath The Silk | True form Sukuna x Reader

🔗 Masterlist

Chapter 20: Still A Monster

Content warning: Angst, light cannibalism.

🔗 Songs for this chapter:

4 Walls Black - Genitorturers

* * * * *

Chapter 19 | Chapter 21

* * * * *

Your whole body stands rooted in place as the King of Curses takes two full strides into the darkened stables. The atmosphere shifts with his arrival, becoming smaller and, damn it, suffocating to the point where you can’t breathe. Your throat tightens further as he levels you with a stare. There may be only a tiny pocket of light in this space, but you can see the flat rage burning in his eyes.

Swallowing, you take a small step back, tucking yourself into the deepening shadows to hide the evidence of your swollen, tender face. Next to you, Uraume drops to one knee, their head bowed, face obscured by their white hair. Behind you, Ayana chuffs anxiously in her stall, restless and eager to be released, to run.

You, too, want to run.

Don’t run.

Sukuna takes another menacing step inside. The other horses begin to whine and sway uneasily, tossing their heads. 

Your body starts trembling.

Something feels wrong.

From behind Sukuna’s towering frame, a figure slowly emerges—Ren, her head bowed and hands clasped. Standing beside him, her presence is completely overshadowed. She doesn’t look up at you. She’s afraid.

“I’m going to ask you again,” he says calmly. Your eyes swing from your attendant back to him. You don’t dare look away from the creature who could so easily slice you in two with a mere flick of his fingers. “Where. Have. You. Been?”

There has to be a right answer to his question. Right? But something in the back of your mind screams at you not to give it to him. You’ve been afraid of the King of Curses before—he’s done horrible things to you. But the way he’s looking at you now…

“I-I…” You attempt to speak, but your mouth is too dry. “Y-you gave me a horse. I-I didn’t run away. I’m here. I came bac—”

“Answer the question!” The stables groan as his voice rises.

“H-home, my Lord. I went home.”

There it is, so easily taken.

In the darkness of the structure, all four of his eyes narrow to slits, looking like red slices cut open and oozing.

“Home.” He spits the word as if it were foul and disgusting, top lip curling back into a scowl.

You force yourself to nod.

“Uraume,” he hisses, his eyes twitching to the white-haired monk, who remains still. “Is this true?”

They lift their head, hair pulling aside from their face. They seem calm. How?

“Yes, Master Sukuna.” They dip their head. “It’s true. I escorted my Lady there and back.”

Sukuna’s eyes dart back to you. Silence settles over the space. No one moves, no one breathes. The only sound is the hammering of hooves against the wood, over and over and over and over again.

A heartbeat passes.

Sukuna’s mouth pulls back, teeth bared and flashing in the dark like a crazed animal. He laughs—loud, bitter. Cruel.

Don’t run.

"Of course, you went home!" he sneers, the energy he’s kept at bay slithering out, curling around your neck like a reminder that you are something so easily broken. "What else should I have expected from you?"

Something feels wrong.

I want to run.

You shift uncomfortably, clutching your hands together, the leather gloves making your palms sweat more than usual.

Suddenly, Sukuna grabs Ren by the back of her neck, forcing her forward. Without making a sound, she shuffles to stand before him, her head still tipped toward the floor, not once looking up at you. Your heart pounds harder. With one hand engulfing her neck, he raises his upper right arm.

“Choose,” he says, gesturing magnanimously with his two lower hands.

What?

“P-pardon, my Lord?”

His fingers dart between Uraume and Ren.

“Choose who takes your punishment.”

Your stomach drops, and your pulse shoots into your throat.

The desire you felt just days ago to lay yourself bare to him has vanished. All the vulnerability you showed your sister is gone. He’s nothing more than the man he was before—the same monster you met on that dirt-packed road.

“W-what? No.” Your foot creeps backward, as if your body is trying to flee this nightmare. “I left. I should be the one to take the punish—”

“Stop playing the martyr!” he roars, making you flinch. “Choose! Or while you stand there stalling, I’ll take your fucking mare instead. And any illusion of freedom you thought you had? Gone.”

What the hell is happening?

Last time you were together, the two of you were almost embracing, limbs tangled, feeding each other. Now, there’s only this. What even is this? He’s never used others against you before. The betrayal stings more than you’d like to admit.

“Why are you doing this?” you breathe.

His upper right hand extends, pointing directly at Ayana. 

“One…”

Your mare shuffles anxiously in her stall, sensing the rising danger.

“Wait!” You glance between Ren, Uraume, and the demon before you.

“Two…”

Ayana whines from behind, her anxiety escalating.

“Stop this!”

Ren’s shoulders slump.

“Three…” His hand swings back. “Time’s up—”

“Master, please!” Uraume steps forward. Sukuna’s arm stops. The stables fall quiet as their eyes flick toward you in a silent apology. “My Lady… she has already suffered enough. She was—”

“Uraume,” you warn quietly.

“If you’ll take a closer—”

“Don’t—”

“—look at her, you’ll see.”

That same feeling of shame forces its way up your throat. You drop your chin quickly to shield yourself, stepping back deeper into the shadows until your back presses against Ayana’s stall door.

Don’t run.

Heart hammering, head down, you hear his heavy steps move. When they grow quiet, you lift your eyes. The King of Curses stands in the narrow shaft of light filtering into the stables. Ren has since stepped to the side, leaning against a wooden beam for support.

“Come here.” He points with two fingers to the space before him. “Now.”

Your feet refuse to move as if a snare is snapped closed around them, but you finally pull them free and move forward.

The walk feels endless. Your sandals clack against the floor, too loud in the silence, while your heartbeat races. As you get closer, you can see his body taut—muscles tense, muscles straining beneath his garment.

You stop just before the pocket of light, hovering. Then, taking one, two small steps into it, you lift your chin.

He doesn’t look anywhere else but at your face, at the injuries marring it. His upper pair of eyes trace the gash running from your eyebrow to eye. The lower pair drift from your chin to your mouth, noting the smaller scrapes and cuts. Sukuna doesn’t seem to notice the smell of urine lingering on you because of the musky scent of the animals—a small mercy. 

He takes it all in, quiet and unnervingly calm.

Until his mouth starts twitching and trembling with what you can only assume is barely concealed anger. 

It feels like your wedding day all over again. And though you aren’t broken the way Sayuri once left you, this look feels far worse. It’s clear—you’re his property, and it’s been damaged. That’s all this is.

"Who—" the word hisses through clenched teeth as he fights to get the rest out. "—the fuck did this to you?"

Your mind races. How to answer? What’s the best course of action? If his anger flares and he lashes out at the Kasai clan, who knows what the consequences would be? You might despise Onishi and what he’s done to you, but you’re not ready to put others in the crossfire. Your thoughts swirl faster. Or... what if you let it happen? Let the King of Curses loose, let him tear them all apa—

No.

None of this would have happened if you’d known about those letters from your family. If you’d known Yuna was safe, you would never have left.

You press your lips into a thin line, swallowing the words down.

He cocks his head.

“You would disobey me again, is that it?” he asks, voice smooth and dark.

You don’t look him in the eye.

“I never disobeyed you in the first place, my Lord,” you murmur.

A sound rumbles in Sukuna’s chest.

He grabs your wrist, yanking you toward the stable’s entrance, forcing you to run to keep up with his furious strides. As you pass Ren, your eyes meet; her brows knit tightly, and her gaze drops. That look she gives you, she must have told him you went home. But like the bastard he is, he wanted to hear it come from your mouth. You can’t blame her while he’s in this state.

Dragging you outside, the moonlight casts dusky shades over the shrine, which looms behind him. He lets go of your wrist but steps closer—too close. Your eyes flit nervously, tracing the dark lines of the tattoos on his face.

“I want a name,” Sukuna hisses, dropping his head to your level, eyes crashing into you.

When your gazes lock, he seems to freeze. His nostrils flare, and your stomach pulls tight. In the open air, the scent clinging to you becomes unmistakable. 

“What… is…” His head cocks, like an animal, eyes dropping to your legs where your kimono is tucked into your hakama. “Are you… covered in… piss?”

What must he think of you?

Embarrassment colours your cheeks. You turn your face away, not daring to look him in the eye.

“I-I—”

Before you can finish, a hand grabs your kimono, yanking you forward. Two arms tighten around your waist, and suddenly, you’re hoisted over his shoulder, his big palms on you.

“What the hell are you doing!?” You squirm, struggling to pull your hips away from his grip. “Put me down!”

“No,” he rumbles flatly, striding away from the stables toward the shrine’s entrance.

“Lord Sukuna!”

Dangling over his broad shoulder, your hands instinctively grip his lower back, and you lift your head to watch the stone steps and heavy wooden doors pass by. This close, you can smell dry blood on him, along with a hint of smoke from a fire lingering in the fabric of his kosode. Perhaps he just returned—he smells like he’s been travelling and hasn’t washed yet.

Together, you both must stink.

The longest corridor in the shrine narrows in your vision. The few attendants awake hurry out of the way, their eyes snapping downward. Sukuna keeps walking, silent, without putting you down. Familiar turns tell you he’s heading toward your chambers—but when yours passes by, he doesn’t stop. He’s taking you to his.

The door slides open with a loud bang. He turns, your body shifting as he slams it shut.

A few steps inside, he roughly tosses you onto the raised futon, sending you airborne. You yelp and jostle across the expansive sheets before scrambling to sit up and adjust your garments.

The room is softly lit by a charcoal brazier near the center, its warmth reaching you. Signs of Sukuna’s earlier presence are scattered about—a dark haori carelessly tossed on the floor, a ceramic dish with half-eaten flesh, and a cloth smeared with red, possibly dirt.

Your eyes flick back to him as he paces before you. He looks… tired. So human in this moment. Has he been fighting in the north all this time? Can he even get tired?

You watch as he drags a hand violently through his pink hair, once, twice, leaving a few stray strands falling onto his forehead.

Finally, he stops and turns, towering over you. You lean back, shifting your hands into your lap, perched at the edge of the futon.

"Let’s try this again, shall we?" His grin turns manic as he leans down. "I want a name. And you’re going to give it to me."

You swallow.

"Does it even matter?"

Wrong thing to say. His jaw tightens, and the muscles in his neck contract and flex.

"Does it even matter?" he mocks, imitating your voice. "Whoever hurt you scared you enough to piss yourself like a frightened child." He leans back slightly. "So, yes, it matters. I want a fucking name."

Eyes dropping to your hands, your thumb rubs against the other, trying to calm your nerves

You remain silent.

He scoffs.

“Fine. I suppose we’ll play this game a little longer. Why?”

You swallow.

“Why, what?”

“Why did you go home?”

You lift your eyes, attempting to soften your gaze.

“I needed to see my sister,” you say.

Oddly enough, when Ren warned you he would be furious, she wasn’t lying. The left side of his mouth twinges, a crease forming between his mask and eye as it deepens into a harsh line. You’ve never seen him like this before.

Furious.

“Ah, yes, you.” He jabs a finger toward your face. “The ever-dutiful mutt, running home to your charming sister.” He steps back, all four arms folding across his chest. “Because you haven’t heard from your family since the day they abandoned you here. Is that it?”

Mutt.

You have to fight the way your face threatens to fall. He hasn’t called you that in a while. But you show him nothing. He doesn’t deserve to know if it hurts.

“What choice did I have?” you murmur, eyes hitting the tops of your eyelids to meet his looming face. “I thought something had… happened…”

Wait.

You freeze.

“Did Uraume inform you that I’d not heard from my family?”

Sukuna says nothing.

“My correspondence… their letters. I haven’t received any.” Your words spill out like fragments of a realization. You’d asked Uraume for updates throughout the month but never Sukuna.

Why would you ask him about something as trivial as letters from your family? Because he seems to hate your family, your clan, your father.

You raise your chin slightly.

“... it's been you… hasn’t it?”

He stares at you blankly, tapping a finger against his shoulder as if bored.

Then, he smiles at you.

Smiles at you.

Your feet drop to the floor, and slowly, you rise, hands falling into tight fists at your sides.

“You’ve been the one keeping them from me? I’ve been wondering for a month—” You wet your lips. “—how my sister has been, and you’ve been hiding the letters from me?”

His arrogant grin spreads wider, like a dark secret is finally revealed.

“Upset, brat?”

“Why would you do that?” you seethe.

He says nothing.

You take a step forward.

You wonder when this journey through hell will end because all you want is rest. That’s all you want.

Another step.

His teeth flash.

As if to placate him, your mouth tries to remain silent, but it’s useless. He’s threatened Ren and Uraume. He’s kept word from your family all this time. He’s…

“You had no right!” you shout, pushing up onto your toes to try and make yourself taller as you glare into his face. “Those letters—they’re mine!”

He steps closer, his body bending, face coming before yours.

“I had every right!” he snarls.

So close to him, you back up until your legs bump against the futon. His upper right hand shoots out to grab your jaw, dragging you back toward him.

“You belong to me now. Remember? You are my property, my possession! You are mi—”

As if the next thing he was about to say disgusts him, he cuts himself off, his expression twisting into rage. His hand falls away from your face and viciously runs through his hair. When he lowers it, his eyes return to you.

They darken, turning cold, with no warmth.

“Your family…” he mutters, “your entire clan is a sickness… and that includes you.”

Another strike perfectly made.

“What the hell are you even talking about?” Your voice rises.

“You heard me. Every single one of them—your father—” He’s in your face again. “—every Kasai runt pushed from every Kasai bitch is a sickness. But especially…” He pauses as he steps closer. “Especially your fucking sis—”

Crack!

The slap snaps his head to the left, his eyes falling shut—all four of them. You pull your hand, clad in leather, back to your side.

“You don’t know anything about family,” you whisper, rage leaking into your voice.

Crimson eyes flutter open as the King of Curses lifts his chin, turning his burning gaze to look down at you. You don't look away.

“You are alone, Sukuna… nobody wants you.” There’s a waning sensation in your chest. “This entire world hates you."

His tongue peeks out to the corner of his mouth, tender from the strike, but unexpectedly, he remains still, saying nothing.

Only silence lingers, stretching on for too long.

Your heart slams against your chest, afraid he will do something—anything.

But he doesn’t.

He stares at you, and you back at him.

Then you wonder—he's been alone, hasn’t he? Born from nothing, without family.

Right?

His face becomes unreadable, his crimson stare fills with a terrible numbness, and his presence cold. Then, as if everything you just said is funny, a grin spreads across his face—a wide, toothy grin.

Your brow curls inward—uncertainty twisting into you.

“You say this as if I care about a world that means nothing to me. A world that rejects me.” His voice drops, calm and low, and he steps closer. “I don’t need anyone to want me. They will obey. Just like you will.” He steps closer again, the red handprint still burning on his face. He dips his head to yours. “Now, I’ll ask you one last time—who did this to you?”

You just stare at him—confusion thick and dense coursing through you.

But that's fine. If he wants a name, you’ll provide it—at a price.

You incline your chin slightly, attempting to project as much authority as possible.

“I’ll give it to you,” you say, “but I want something in return.”

If your father believes you possess the means to sway the King of Curses to the north, then you’ll use what you have.

Sukuna’s lip pulls back, revealing the tops of his teeth. He turns and lumbers over to the charcoal brazier, picking up a pair of metal tongs to stir and sift the coals, coaxing more heat into the room.

“You think you’re in any position to bargain with me?” he asks over his shoulder, staring into the fiery-orange glow. The blaze dances in the pocket of warmth, casting flickering shadows across his features. “All right then, wife.” He sets the tongs down and turns to you, dragging his gaze away from the flames. “What do you want?”

You clear your throat.

“In a few weeks… you and I will go to the Kasai compound for the harvest festival.”

He crosses his arms over his chest.

“What makes you think I’d step foot in that place?”

Your eyes fall heavy on him.

“You want the name, don’t you? This is the price.”

He scoffs.

“Is that so?”

You nod.

He lets out a wordless grumble before stepping closer, gently cupping your chin with his right hand as his thumb glides softly down your jawline. Your skin tingles where his warm, strong palm envelops you, and everything inside you begins to wither under his touch—his cursed touch. A soft white glow radiates from his fingertips as he lifts them to your temple, dragging them across bruised skin, seeking to heal what has been done to you.

You grit your teeth against the familiar burn of regenerating flesh.

Red eyes soften on your face.

“Fine,” he murmurs, grazing his thumb slowly over areas that were never injured. “I accept.”

Inwardly, you flinch. That was too easy. A thread of guilt weaves its way into your stomach.

You know you’ll need to harden yourself in the coming weeks, aware that you’re likely sending him into some kind of confrontation. Still, you’d do anything to gain that extra month.

When the diffusing glow flickers out, you pull away, creating distance between you.

“Good." You move closer to the door. “I’ll give you the name when we arrive.”

Will you? You’ll need to think on your feet when the time comes.

“Do what you must,” he says, waving you off dismissively.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Silence.

You stare at each other.

You hate how human he looks in this moment, how his gaze burrows and hooks into you, just as Ren described—watching, waiting.

For what?

He turns away.

“Get the hell out,” he commands quietly, grabbing the ceramic dish of flesh. Stepping over to the low chair tucked in the corner, he slouches into it, spreading his muscular legs wide as he bites into the drooping pulp. “You reek of your own filth. It’s disgusting.”

Asshole.

You turn and head for the door without looking back.

“Don’t worry, my Lord, I was already leaving.”

* * * * *

🔗 Chapter 21

[sleepy-steve]

(pray) ‘til i go blind

wc: 4k // rating: M // cw: language // tags: modern au, metal burlesque performer eddie munson, audience participant steve harrington, very blasphemous song lyrics (see ao3 link for other tags)

♡ read on ao3 ♡ or below the cut ♡

Steve sees Eddie staring right at him, eyes dark as sin and ringed by even darker makeup. And that beautiful, cheeky smirk in full force as he slowly lowers himself down to a crouch. Steve meets Eddie’s eyes and feels the air disappear from his lungs. He's mesmerised. "And you would too if this sexy devil caught your eye..." He holds a hand out to Steve, and Steve can do nothing else but take it and be pulled up to the stage.

song referenced is Rev 22:20 (Don’t Shoot The Messenger Version) by Puscifer (one of my personal favourite filthy dance songs).

It was one thing to be an audience member. To sit in the crowd and clap or cheer when appropriate. These were all things Steve could do, and if it meant an evening spent with his best friend, he was more than happy to do it. (And if he saw some boobs in the process, he was also happy with that.) 

It was Robin’s absolute insistence that he would enjoy tonight’s burlesque show in particular, despite his general ambivalence toward the production as a whole, that gave him pause. The music didn’t really do anything for him, though he could appreciate the performances. And sure, he liked seeing beautiful women dance as much as the next dude. Why was she so convinced he would like this show more than any other? With no answers to his wondering, he sat comfortably, enjoyed his drinks, and tried to be a model audience member.

What was less in his comfort zone was sitting at a table right up front, basically right under each performer’s nose. It’s not that he didn’t enjoy the view, but he did wonder about how the performers might feel having him gawking from behind his glasses right up at them from such a close distance. Throughout the night, both Steve and Robin are among a few selected for some level of performer interaction. Dancers waving their fluffy feather fans in their faces, tossing clothing garments at them, trailing their hands over arms and shoulders, and in one case, a cute redheaded performer allowing her long satin glove to be shakily pulled off by Robin.

After a brief break, the emcee announces the fifth and final dancer of the evening. Steve finds himself a little disappointed, having had more fun than he originally thought. But he joins the audience in applauding for the next performer.

The stage goes dark. He hears the faint tapping of someone stepping on stage. Slightly different to the previous performers, less snappy. Different shoes. A beat of silence, before a red spotlight flashes on. On the stage, a figure stands with their arms raised and crossed above their head. Curls hang around their shoulders, different to the perfectly pinned and sprayed curls of the previous dancers. This hair is wild.

A beat kicks in. It's heavy and dark, reverberating in the floors. The figure lowers their arms, wrists twisting and gloved fingers snapping on the beat. A female voice sings a harmony and the figure turns in time with it, facing the audience, additional warm spotlights flashing on, and a jolt runs through Steve.

It's a man. Probably one of the most beautiful men he's ever seen. Wearing ripped jeans and what looks to be a leather jacket, the man is running a gloved hand across his chest, touch featherlight. The voice sings again, moaning almost, and the dancer—Eddie, Steve belatedly recalls the emcee introducing him as—slowly pulls the jacket open, revealing a loose black tank top. He runs a hand up his tattooed neck and back down his chest. The audience cheers, a few low whoops coming from the back.

Another moaning vocal. With a cheeky grin that makes Steve's heart skip, Eddie lets the jacket fall down to his elbows, revealing even more tattoos on his shoulders and arms. His gloved hands trail down to his hips, and on the last harmony, he moves his hips back in a slow half-circle.

"Don't be aroused," a male voice croons in the music. "By my confession..."

Eddie looks out at the audience, who are captivated by the way he owns the stage. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Steve notes that Eddie has barely done anything at all, yet the audience is completely transfixed by him. He takes a few slow, confident steps, searching the crowd below him.

"Unless you don't give a good goddamn about redemption..." Standing up tall, Eddie lets his jacket drop to the ground behind him, the audience cheering as he does. The gloves reach to just below his elbow, and the tattoos disappear beneath them. Steve imagines what his hands might look like—how they might feel—the realisation that he's not really thought about another man's hands before quickly shoved to the back of his mind.

"I know Christ is comin', and so am I..." Leaving the jacket behind, Eddie walks again, stopping right in front of Steve and Robin's table. Steve glances at Robin, partially excited and partially fearful, only to see her with a grin that says exactly what he knows she's thinking right now: I was right.

Looking back up, Steve sees Eddie staring right at him, eyes dark as sin and ringed by even darker makeup. And that beautiful, cheeky smirk in full force as he slowly lowers himself down to a crouch, ripped jeans opening further to reveal even more tattoos. Steve meets Eddie’s eyes and feels the air disappear from his lungs. He's mesmerised.

"And you would too if this sexy devil caught your eye..."

He holds a hand out to Steve, and Steve can do nothing else but take it and be pulled up to the stage. The audience cheers—though none louder than Robin—as Steve is guided by Eddie, and led to a chair that he did not see before. As Steve sits facing the audience, Eddie leans down to his ear and whispers, "Is it okay if I touch you?"

Steve looks at him in surprise and nods quickly. This close, Steve can see the two nostril piercings, and the silver ball nestled in the scoop of his cupid bow. It's unbelievably hot.

"Anywhere?" Eddie clarifies, letting his gloved hand run up Steve's arm to his shoulder. Steve nods again, trying hard not to think about what anywhere could mean—what he absolutely wants it to mean. Eddie winks at him, smirk back in place on his plush lips, and moves behind Steve, hands running over his shoulders, down and across his chest. He leans over from behind, wild curls tickling Steve's neck. Wanting to reach out and touch so badly, Steve keeps his hands firmly clasped in his lap, trying to behave. Flicking his hair behind him, Eddie tips Steve’s head gently to the side, exposing his neck. Steve feels warm breath on his skin, and then the drag of teeth and lips along the length of his neck and holy shit. Feeling hot everywhere, Steve takes a shuddering inhale. Sliding his gloved hands off Steve’s head, Eddie walks around again, this time in front of the chair.

He drops, crashing to his knees at the edge of the stage as the music ramps up. "Pray! 'Til I go blind..." The audience cheers as the vocals scream.

"Pray!" Eddie rolls his head, curls flicking around him in a wide arc, long tattooed neck stretched and exposed before his hair settles around him again. "'Cause nobody ever survives..."

Arms crossed over the front of his body, and gripping at the bottom of his tank top—which from this close view, Steve thinks may actually be a cut up band tee—Eddie cocks his head, teasing the audience. Waiting for them to cheer louder. He pulls it up a few inches, no doubt showing off more tattoos on his belly, if the ones on his back were anything to go off. The audience screams, encouraging him to take it off.

"Saviours and saints, devils and heathens alike, she'll eat you alive..."

The music slows back down, and Eddie drops his shirt back down. Steve lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Jesus, since when was he so ramped up about another man taking his shirt off? He doesn't have much time to think about it, because Eddie has turned himself around to face Steve, grin that borders on evil with glee on his face. Steve feels his eyes widen.

"Jesus is risen, it's no surprise..." He drags himself close to Steve, kneeling before him, a hand on each of his knees, pushing Steve's legs open. Steve swallows as the gloved hands trail up and down his thighs, before resting back on his knees.

"Even he would martyr his mama to ride to hell between those thighs..." Eddie leans forward, swinging his hair in a figure-eight, face dangerously close to Steve's crotch, and holy shit, Steve thinks he may lose his entire mind. Leaning back again, Eddie gives him a quick look as if to ask, all good? Steve gives a faint nod. Eddie smiles up at him, a genuine and very sweet smile, before shifting back from Steve, pulling himself up off his calves.

"If I gotta sin to see her again, then I'm gonna lie, lie, lie!" Eddie swings his arms across his body, head swinging and hair flicking in time with the words, in a way that would be almost thrashing were he not so purposeful and smooth with it.

He then lowers himself backward, back arched as the top of his head taps the stage, knees still bent beneath him. Steve faintly thinks it looks uncomfortable, but has no time to ponder on it because Eddie is running those gloved hands up his arched chest, pulling the tank top up and up, showing off his tattooed abdomen. The shirt bunches just below his chest, hands continuing up to glide and grab at his own neck, silver chain gripped and pulled taut at his throat.

"Gladly now please suck me dry..." Steve watches unblinkingly as Eddie opens his mouth, slowly pushing two gloved fingers inside, letting them drag back out over his tongue. Mouth watering at the sight, Steve thinks about what else Eddie’s mouth and tongue might be capable of.

Steve snaps out of it quickly, because Eddie has pulled back up, standing with a thump of his combat boots, stepping to the side of Steve's chair so he's side-on with the audience now. He stands with his right arm outstretched toward Steve and one finger raised on the other hand. Steve notices the smirk back in place.

"Pray! 'Til I go blind..." Eddie shoves the finger into the opening of the glove below his elbow, before pulling it out slowly. He raises two fingers this time.

"Pray! 'Cause nobody ever survives..." He shoves two fingers into the glove opening this time, self satisfied look on his face as the audience screams and cheers. Eddie raises three fingers. Steve thinks he may pass away in the chair.

"Prayin' to stay in her arms just until I can die a little longer..." He shoves the three fingers into the glove, using them to push down the leather in time with the music. When the glove is mostly bunched around his wrist, Eddie pulls at the middle finger, dragging the fabric off of his hand slowly, letting it stretch back out. Once it leaves his hand, he flicks it off into the audience to wild cheers, just in time for the music to slow down again.

Eddie turns to Steve now, a look of absolute mischief on his face. With his now bare hand—Steve was right, the tattoos do continue all the way down to his hands—he pulls lightly at the middle finger of the other glove, loosening it slightly. He then leans forward, bending at the hips with a sinful smile, hand held aloft near Steve's mouth, and says, "Bite it."

Steve leans in, taking the fingertip of the leather glove between his teeth and slowly pulls back. The glove barely shifts, Eddie’s hand pulled close to Steve's face.

"My pulse has been rising, my temples are pounding..." Eddie pulls back slightly, jerking his arm softly but acting as though it's taking much more effort. He runs his free hand up his chest, to his neck, as though the act of having his glove pulled off is turning him on.

"The pressure is so overwhelming and building..." The music is starting to build up again, Eddie’s movements growing more erratic along with it. He pulls and pulls, arm slowly being revealed, mouth hanging open like he's panting and eyes hooded as he looks to the audience, his free hand dragging back down his chest.

As the music reaches its peak again, Eddie lets his hand free of the glove—which swings back down to Steve's sweater with a soft tap—chest heaving with the false exertion of it. Steve is stunned, glove fingertip still between his teeth, unsure what he's meant to do with it, and unsure why this is one of the hottest things he's ever participated in.

Eddie now faces the audience, looking down, back up at them, and down again. His hand is at his jeans, teasingly pulling at the fly, his other hand raised to his ear, as though he can't hear the deafening cheers of the audience. When they've reached a loud enough volume to satisfy him, he yanks open the button and zipper, letting the denim hang open. It's not until Eddie turns back to Steve that he sees the black lace now revealed beneath the denim. It sends a bolt of electricity through Steve, jaw dropped slightly, glove now in his lap.

With another cheeky grin, Eddie turns, Steve realising quickly what the man intends. He shoves the glove into his own jeans pocket just as Eddie settles himself on Steve's lap, back against Steve's chest. Grabbing Steve's hands, he settles them on his hips, head hanging back over Steve's shoulder, lips dangerously close to Steve's neck. As Eddie runs his hands up his own chest, pulling at the shirt again, Steve's breath hitches in his throat, and he could swear Eddie is holding back a laugh.

The music is wild as Eddie pulls his shirt higher, body rolling slowly against Steve's, his ass pressing into Steve's crotch with each roll. Eddie sits up slightly, giving just enough space to pull the loose tank over his head, finally revealing the rest of his tattooed chest—and fuck, the guy is covered from the neck down it looks like—and more importantly, a lacy black bra. Steve tries not to grip any tighter to Eddie’s hips as he flings the shirt into the audience.

Laying back down to Steve's chest, he grabs Steve's hands and guides them up, letting them run over his hot skin, fingers trailing over the man’s ribs, up to the lacy black bra. Feeling the smooth metal of Eddie’s nipple piercings makes Steve feel hot all over, not at all helped by the man's fluid body rolls against him. Eddie continues to move his hands though, finally guiding Steve's fingers to the little clasp at the centre of his chest. With trembling fingers, Steve fiddles with the clasp until it comes undone. Continuing the rolls and not-so fake panting—now that it's right by Steve’s ear, he can hear the little huffs of breath—Eddie keeps a grasp on Steve's wrists, keeping Steve's hands firmly over his chest.

The music begins to fade, and Eddie releases Steve's hands, standing up quickly. The open lace bra slips down to his hands, to uproarious applause and cheering from the audience. Eddie pulls at the straps and slingshots it into the audience with a clear laugh that Steve can hear from his chair. The music has stopped, and the crowd continues their cheering. Eddie takes a deep bow, then stands with devil horns raised on both hands.

He turns to Steve with that same genuine smile from earlier in the show, taking his hand and pulling him up to standing. Eddie gestures to Steve with both arms outstretched, as though showcasing him. The audience continues their cheers, and Steve's face grows so hot, he's surprised his glasses haven't started fogging up.

All too soon, the emcee is thanking everyone for coming to the show and Eddie is taking Steve's hand to help him off the stage with another wink and cheeky smile. Steve only says a very quiet "thank you" before Eddie has released his hand and started walking off backstage.

Then Robin is all over him, chattering excitedly about how cool the whole thing was and that she tried to film as much of it as she could but she thinks she might have missed some because she was so into the performance that her phone fell away from them.

"See?! I told you that you'd love this!" She laughs, grabbing his arms. Steve is still a bit starstruck, but Robin misreads it. "Hey, are you good? Was it too much for you?"

"No, no, Robs, it was great," Steve says, a little sadly. "I'm just, uh. Never gonna see him again, am I?"

"Who? Eddie?" Robin asks.

Steve only gives her a sheepish look, embarrassed to have even admitted his fear of not seeing Eddie again.

Raising a brow at him, Robin looks pointedly down at his pants. "Uh, you might just, Stevie." Steve follows her gaze with a frown.

He still has the leather glove in his pocket.

Steve looks back to her, wide eyed with nerves. Robin just snorts at him, patting him on the arm. “Come on, dingus. Let’s grab another drink, maybe your new friend will come looking for his glove.”

They settle in at the bar, Robin laughing as she makes Steve watch the video of him on stage, looking flustered as hell. His face burns with more embarrassment, but she asserts how proud she is of him for doing something like this. With another drink in his system, he’s able to find the humour in it. If nothing else, it’s a crazy story he’ll get to tell his friends about.

A low husky voice in Steve’s ear makes him jump. “I believe you have something of mine, sweetheart.”

Steve turns on his barstool to see Eddie standing behind him, shirt back on and jeans buttoned back up. Most of the eye makeup is gone, but smudges of black still line his lashes, making his dark eyes seem even bigger. From his periphery, he notices that Robin has dutifully stayed facing the bar. Pulling the glove out of his pocket, he bashfully hands it over. “Uh, sorry about that,” Steve says, other hand going to the back of his neck. “I think I just panicked about what to do with it.”

Eddie takes it back with a smile, shoving it into his own pocket. “No problem, at least you didn’t try to take off with it. You wouldn’t believe the amount of clothes I lose to audience theft.”

“I can imagine,” Steve laughs.

“Yeah, I mean, the staff do a great job at collecting my things from the audience, but some people are sneaky, y’know?” Eddie kind of rambles a bit, hands twirling and gesturing with his words. It’s super cute, Steve realises, a grin growing on his face as he forgets to actually respond.

Humming, Eddie nods, probably thrown by Steve’s lack of response. “So! Did you have fun? I’ve been told I can go a little… overboard, sometimes.”

Steve chuckles nervously, hand automatically brushing through his hair. “Not overboard at all, but it was my first time doing anything like that. Definitely had, uh, a good time.” He can feel his cheeks heating again.

The charming persona comes over Eddie again, as he leans in with a smirk. “Well, you were a great audience participant,” he says, like it’s a secret he’s sharing. Steve can see a very faint dusting of freckles across Eddie’s nose and Christ, could this guy get any hotter?

Smile growing bigger and cheeks growing hotter, Steve just manages a quiet “thanks” and what the hell?! Steve knows how to flirt, he knows how to respond when he’s being flirted with. But something about Eddie, with his tattoos and his piercings and his cheeky smiles… it’s all just turning Steve into a puddle. The silence stretches between them, growing almost awkward, as they look at each other. From his side, Steve can sense Robin practically vibrating next to him. He can only imagine that she’s losing her mind over the tension between them. Or his stupidity. Maybe both.

Playing with his hair—pulling slightly on a curl by his shoulder—Eddie clears his throat. “Well, I, uh. Better get back to the, y’know. Packing up. Backstage.” He scratches at the back of his neck. “Um, it was lovely to meet you…?”

Steve blinks at the sudden change in conversation. “Steve!” He says, feeling slightly panicked. He holds his hand out and immediately thinks he must look like a massive idiot.

Eddie smiles at him, almost… resigned? “Eddie,” he says, gesturing to himself before taking Steve’s hand. “Lovely to meet you… Steve.” Eddie says his name like it’s fucking reverent. Steve feels his soul about to leave his body.

“You too,” Steve says, not wanting to let go. They finally let their hands fall away, Eddie taking two slow steps backwards—eyes still locked on Steve’s—before turning. Robin immediately jabs Steve in the ribs with her sharp elbow, making him gasp in pain.

“Unless!” Steve calls out, not even completely sure where he’s going with it.

Eddie looks over his shoulder, not quite turning back to him. “Unless…?”

“Would you, uh, like a drink, maybe?” God, even Steve can hear how pathetic he sounds.

With a grin that’s… actually quite shy, Eddie pulls a lock of his hair across his face. “Yeah… I’d like that,” he says, voice soft.

Steve goes home with Eddie’s number in his phone and a date planned for the next night.

immediately post-show, backstage:

Eddie flies into the dressing room and dramatically flops down across the beat up old armchair with a sigh.

“Great show tonight, Eddie!” Vickie is sitting at the mirror, all her belongings packed up. “The audience was going crazy!”

Letting out a hum that turns into a groan, Eddie rests his forearm over his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asks, turning to him on her stool.

“Vickieeee…” Eddie whines. “My beloved Victoria—”

“Not my name.”

“I’m in love!” Eddie cries, letting his head hang back over the armrest.

Vickie snorts. “God, dare I ask with whom?”

Eddie whines again, a loud moan coming from deep in his soul. He sighs again. “Soft swoopy hair… big, beautiful hazel eyes and glasses… moles like a constellation on his skin… Vickie, he can’t be real. He just can’t be. No one should look that good in a yellow sweater.”

“Yellow…?” Vickie trails off before gasping and leaping to the floor by Eddie’s head. “Your audience participant?! No. Eddie. Edward. Say it isn’t so!”

Holding both hands over his face, Eddie lets out another wallowing moan, before opening his fingers to reveal one eye. “I… bit him.”

Gasping, Vickie slaps the floor with both hands. “You didn’t!”

“I did!” Eddie wails, covering his face again.

“Oh my god!” Vickie laughs.

“Hey, Eddie.” Gareth walks in, holding a small bundle of black fabric. “Great show tonight. We got almost everything back, but we’re missing… one glove. Sorry, man.”

“Thanks, Gareth,” Eddie says miserably. Gareth drops the pile of clothes on the armchair and heads back out with a two-finger salute.

Vickie turns to him with light in her eyes. “Eddie, Eddie, look at me.” She shakes his arm until he turns his forlorn gaze to her. “Mister Yellow Sweater has your glove.” 

Eddie just looks at her, his brain processing too slowly.

“Go!” she cries, pulling him up. “Go and find him, he’s probably still here!”

“What? No!” Eddie lets himself go limp and heavy against her pulls. “Just leave me to my yearning for what will never be.”

“Eddie, I swear to god,” she says with effort, finally pulling him up. “Get out there and find your man. And your glove.”

Groaning loudly, Eddie stands up and finds his shirt in the pile. “Fine. If only to get my glove back, I’ll go and find Mister Perfect Hair.”

[tieronecrush]

water in your hands

joel miller x f!reader

rating: E (18+ ONLY, MDNI. you will be blocked if you don’t have age/range in your bio)

word count: 9.7k (she's long but hopefully good?)

summary:

You are sick, and you're married, and you might be dyin' But you're holdin' me like water in your hands…

Joel will only end up failing you. You deserve better than him. He needs you to move on, to give him peace of mind. So, he gets married to someone else, to try to force you away. Except he just can’t let you go, and you always come back when he calls. Like a dog with a bird at his door.

warnings: NO USE OF Y/N, cheating (it’s moon song y’all), marriage, age difference (joel is canon age, reader is 20s/30s), use of pet names, discussions of water/drowning, ANGST, hurt/comfort, unprotected sex, fingering, praising, lowkey possessive joel & reader, undefined relationship, alcohol use, mentions of john lennon cause he needs his own warning, joel is messy and selfish

author’s note: this is my first time writing any sort of fiction in literal years, but i couldn’t help but try to write this idea cause i'm a sad girl who wishes joel miller was real! apologies for any typos/errors, i am the actual worst at proofreading (see, my master's diss that i read at least 50 times and still had typos in the submission). any interaction is appreciated <3

PART II HERE

dividers from @saradika

Fresh snow had fallen this morning, wiping away some of the evidence of daily life here in Jackson. The air was biting, you work your sleeves over ungloved hands to keep the chill away, cheeks flushed. Snow crunches under your boots while you rush from your house to work at the Tipsy Bison, Jackson’s bar. Because of course one of the first things restored in the commune, in the middle of the apocalypse, was the one place with all the alcohol. Not that you were complaining, it gave you a job in town that you enjoyed; you got to pass time by being around people and making conversation, something you didn’t get in the small cottage that you occupied by yourself.

Keeping your eyes trained on the ground as you walk, careful to watch out for patches of ice, you only look up when you hear your name called. It’s the familiar voice of your boss; at least, you call him your boss cause he makes your shifts, but he hates to feel any sort of claim over the place since, y’know, the whole communist thing.

Tommy Miller stands near the steps up to the bar, clad in his signature look of denim and chambray, denim’s sister (the man wore a Canadian tuxedo nearly every day, you kept a tally). He’s waving you over, and before you can greet him, your attention is pulled from Tommy to the pair standing next to him. 

A man, looking slightly older than Tommy but eerily similar with light grays sprinkled in his brown hair, donning a suede winter coat that was fitted across broad shoulders. His beard was patchy, not covering much of his strong jaw. Hooked nose, syrup brown eyes, olive skin looking pale from the season. There was a scar on his right temple, and other healed injuries dotting around the exposed skin. He’s handsome.

The young girl next to him just reached the man’s shoulders at her full height, bundled up in layers of sweatshirts and an open coat that didn’t look very warm. Her beanie framed her face along with her brown hair, the look on her face one of obvious teenage annoyance. She looked barely fifteen.

Tommy started introductions, barely getting a word out before the mystery man cut him off.

“I’m Joel, Tommy’s older brother. And this is Ellie.” He gestures to the girl and she gives you a nod. Joel removes a glove and extends his hand. You meet halfway, feeling the need to apologize for your cold skin chilling his own much warmer. Work-worn fingers wrap around to meet the skin on the backside of your hand. Your mind wanders to how those hands would feel in other places like -- 

Tommy’s voice breaks up your thoughts, “They’ve been traveling for a few months now to come here to Jackson.”

A smile crosses your face, grip not yet leaving Joel’s. His mouth ticks up slightly to one side.

“Welcome to Jackson, Mr. Miller, and you too, Ellie. It’s nice to put a face to the brother that Tommy’s been telling me stories about.”

“Please, just Joel. And it’s nice to meet you too, I hope he’s only told the good stuff.” Before you can respond, Ellie quips in.

“For months you have refused to tell people your name and now the first pretty girl in this perfect fucking town and you’ve given it twice.” She rolls her eyes so hard they disappear into her skull. Been there, Ellie. The attitude of a teenager is universal, even in the apocalypse.

Joel’s head snaps to Ellie and he grits out under his breath a little too loudly, “Ellie, quit cursing.”

Blush creeps across his face and you note that he didn’t say anything about Ellie knowing he thought you were pretty. Joel breaks eye contact and lets your hand go.

“Alright, hon, we should be on our way. I won’t subject you to any more of my older brother. He’s not much of a conversationalist,” Tommy teases. Joel gives Ellie a run for her money with the intensity of his eye roll.

Waving to the newcomers, you step back to head up the stairs. Out of the corner of your eye, you swear you see Joel take the smallest step towards you, about to follow like a puppy. 

“See you later, boss. Nice to meet you again, Ellie and Joel, enjoy your tour of our perfect fucking town.”

Joel glances back over his shoulder to watch you walk into the swinging doors. Lord, if you could read his thoughts. He knew he was in trouble the moment he saw that damn smile.

The last few weeks have been torture to Joel. He and Ellie had been back in Jackson for about a month now, getting settled in their new normal. However, it wasn’t the lifestyle change that was anguishing him.

He’d thought of you a few times after he’d met you that winter; remembering your smile when Ellie was quietly resting against his back on the horse, a fever dream of you when he was in the basement of that abandoned house, a rush of nerves when Tommy brought him to the bar for the first time since he’d been back. He was infatuated with you, and now that he’s living in the same town as you, it’s gotten worse. Foolish mind daydreams of you and him together, feeling like a teenager again with the way you make his knees weak. He’s been careful not to spend much time alone with you, reminding himself that he shouldn’t let someone like you get involved with someone like him. All he’d do was fail you, fail to give you a good life. Words were carved into his skull at this point:

You’re too broken, too bruised, too scarred, and full of guilt - you’re going to fail her, too..

The small two-bedroom cottage diagonal to his and Ellie’s house was yours, and the proximity wasn’t helping his situation. And not only were you his neighbor, but you worked at the place where Joel spent a good chunk of his free time - the bar. He’d get drinks with Tommy or other guards after a shift, and that evolved to going by himself in hopes to see you and drown his guilt over those hopes (among a lot of other things).

It’s these nights when he’s become a bit looser with his self-inflicted rules around you. He occupies the stool at the end of the bar, stealing glances as you help other customers. His index finger rims the dry glass in front of him. You approach with that same damn smile aimed at him. It’s a dangerous combination along with the liquor, both fuzz his rationality.

“Another one, Mr. Miller?” you nod to his glass, reaching out to take it from him. Soft fingertips brush over his skin, sending a jolt of energy up his arm. 

He clears his throat and answers, “Now, darlin’, I think I told you to call me Joel. Actually, at this point, I think it would be classified as begging. Mr. Miller makes me feel old.”

Throwing your head back with a laugh, the skin of your neck is exposed. His tongue involuntarily wets his lips when he thinks of leaving a mark there.

“Feel old? You are old, Miller,” he fakes offensive, eyebrows raised, “Aw, c’mon Joel, you know I’m just kiddin’. You’ve still got it. That silver fox thing you got goin’ on really does it for women ‘round here.”

He wants to be bold enough to ask if it’s doing anything for you, but instead, he huffs a laugh and shakes his head in disbelief, taking the two fingers of whiskey you poured.

“And how do you know that, darlin’? Haven’t had many offers for courtship since I got here.”

“I work in the bar. Women get drunk and spill their every thought. Including that the new guy with the daughter is hot,” you lean over the edge of the bar top, face less than a foot in front of him. Your eyes shift down to his lips. “Plus, I might encourage the conversation with my own thoughts.”

That smile again, except now it’s more of a smirk. He sips his drink, capturing the lingering alcohol with a lick of his lips. Your eyes go again, watching his tongue.

“I’m glad I can be such a riveting topic of conversation for you, sweetheart. Hope it’s good thoughts only.”

“Wouldn’t say the thoughts I have about you are good, Joel,” he swallows hard hearing the flirtation in your comment, feeling his jeans tighten.

Snapped out of hazy judgment, he resurfaces from the alcoholic tides; the rules he has about you act as a life preserver for him to cling to before getting caught in your rip current.

Joel throws back the rest of his drink, standing from the stool. He needs to get out of here if he wants to keep his promise to himself. Well, not that he wants to, but it’s what’s right. He can’t get you involved with his broken self. Your face drops slightly at the sight of him leaving, and part of him wants to lean over the bar to grab your face and kiss you hard in reassurance that he has the same kind of thoughts. But he can’t.

So he wishes you goodnight and walks home, angry with himself for nearly crossing the line. But he can’t help but think of your smile, and those flirty comments, as he tries to fall asleep.

You’re wide awake. Every time you close your eyes, your brain starts looping your conversation with Joel. Fingers rub circles in your temples, cursing to yourself as you get the replay of his extremely quick exit after you’d said you have…not so good thoughts about him.

The only indication you’d gotten from him that he felt any type of way toward you is his periodic visits to the bar on his own, spending the night chatting and laughing with you. You’d sometimes find yourself meeting his stare when you’d see each other across the street from your porches or in town.

But he’d never made a move, hell the most he’d touch you was to take a glass of whiskey or beer bottle from you. So why did you think he would suddenly reciprocate when you’d made openly flirty comments?

You needed some air. Just to clear your head of this embarrassing play-by-play. You pull yourself to stand and grab the sweatshirt at the end of your bed before heading out.

Jackson had the sort of late spring, early summer climate that happened to be your favorite. Warm, mildly humid days that brought the colors back after winter, and chillier nights, the right temperature to keep your cotton sleeping shorts on and add an extra layer up top to keep you warm.

Without thinking, you started towards the old barn on the edge of the residential area. The structure had seen better days, mostly used for storage now, but the open field behind it had an incredible view of the sky at night. It was a place you loved to go when that deep, dull ache in your chest wouldn’t quit.

Gravel crunches softly under your feet, small pebbles slip out from under your soles with each step. Not remotely focused on what’s in front of you, it comes as a surprise when hands land on your biceps. Your knee-jerk reaction is to scream, but as you look from the ground to the person grabbing you, the sound dies in your throat when you meet chestnut eyes.

“Jesus, Joel, you scared the shit out of me! Hasn’t anyone told you, you can’t just go grabbing women at night? Well, at any time of the day, really.” Your voice is rasped into a whisper despite the fact that there’s not a soul around.

“Maybe you should be paying a bit more attention to your surroundings when you’re walking by yourself at night, sweetheart” Joel counters, mouth ticking up to the side as his drawl continues, “Don’t know who’s lurking in the shadows in little ol’ Jackson.”

“You’re apparently the only person lurking, and you’re not doing a very good job since you just came right up to me.”

“Couldn’t help myself, I guess. What’re you doin’ out here at this hour?”

Heat burns under the surface of your skin when Joel drops his hands from your arms, the sensation radiating throughout the rest of your body. “Couldn’t sleep. I was gonna go sit out in the field behind the barn for a bit, admire the moon.”

He lights up with the first genuine smile you’ve seen from him. He has the best poker face out of anyone you know, but a part of you hopes that he feels like he doesn’t need it around you.

“Mind if I join ya, darlin’? Might be nice to stargaze a bit.”

You have to hold back from nodding frantically, attempting to play it off as if you’re weighing your options, “I don’t mind at all. You can teach me about the stars.”

The walk over is quiet but comfortable. At the shabby split-rail fence, you lift your foot to the lowest rail and push off the ground to mount the barrier. Joel’s hand meets the small of your back to hold you steady. Heat emanates from the spot, fingertips brushing your sweatshirt. His warmth leaves you as you make it over, watching as he easily clears the fencing with one smooth movement.

“Any spot in particular?”

As an answer, you grab Joel’s hand. Nerves bubble in your stomach, two steps ahead with your arm outstretched behind. His larger strides are quick to close the gap, arms between your bodies with palms pressed together. His hand shifts in yours, fingers lacing with yours and curling around the outside of your smaller hand, his thumb skimming back and forth.

Steps slow at a small clearing in the tall, overgrown grass, settling down on the dewy ground. He lays back with you, not focusing on the stars right away. His eyes are a cooler shade in the moonlight, yet no warmth is lost in the way he looks as if he’d been waiting for this moment.

Suddenly aware of yourself under his stare, you lightly clear your throat and turn toward the sky. “Do you know a lot about astronomy? I never got to learn much, other than my brother teaching me how to find the north star to navigate.”

Joel’s attention moves to the stars, his voice coming out lower and softer than in the daylight, “I used to know a lot more. Did a lot of camping before and learned to find the major constellations. Taught Ellie some of ‘em, and now she’s got a few books on astronomy. She kept saying how she wanted to fly, go to space or the moon like Sally Ride.”

“She’d be a pretty badass astronaut.”

He laughs softly, nodding before his expression settles into one of reminiscence and guilt all muddled together.

“You’re not wrong,” he pauses shortly before continuing, “But, I think I can still remember most of the constellations. What’s that thing called where you’re assigned one when you’re born?”

“Astrology?”

“That’s it. I know where my constellation is. I’m a Libra, whatever that means.”

Joel lifts your joined hands, his index fingers extended as he traces out the shape of scales in the corner of the sky.

Pulling the limited memories you have from the book you’d found sitting on a shelf at home, you follow Joel’s finger, “Libras are supposed to be balanced, that’s the whole scales thing, I guess. And impartial, but sometimes indecisive. Oh, and charming.”

Joel nestles your hands back on the ground. “Balanced, impartial, and indecisive? Sounds a lil’ vague, darlin’. Not sure I’m believin’ the stars can tell you about your personality.”

“Well, they got the charming part right about you. You’re certainly a Southern gentleman, got ladies swooning left and right.”

“Nah, I don’t even notice ‘em. Too busy focused on someone I’m pretty charmed by myself.”

You let go of Joel’s hand, turning onto your side to face him. He mirrors you, and you take the chance to lean in. Lips touch together with a brush, breaths fanning over both of your faces as you wait for his response.

Joel sits up, weight resting on his elbow. Broad shoulders lean over to shift you onto your back, rich eyes never leaving you. His touch is confident, a large hand fully cups the side of your face. Fingers sprawl along your jaw, thumb on your cheekbone. His frame leans further over yours, lips hovering as his voice breaks the moment of silence in a rasp, “This okay?”

Your voice thick with anticipation answers, “Yes.”

His kiss sends ripples of tension over your body. Fingers curl into the fabric of his sleeves, feet press into the dewy earth, chest tightens with quickened beating, lips match his depth. He tastes minty from toothpaste, mixed with notes of the Tennessee whiskey he orders. It’s intoxicating, reminders of him to seep into your daily life.

Joel brings you closer with a hand in your hair. His tongue traces your lips, parting them to let him in. When his fingers leave the crown of your head, his touch floats over your body, caressing your waist, sprawling under your breast, and jumping to your exposed thigh. He’s pressing your skin back against your body as if you were going to flow out from under him.

His frame shifts over you, pulling him away and breaths mix from open-mouth exhales. Legs open and hands find purchase on his expansive shoulders, heat pooling at your center when his knees settle between yours.

“You’re so beautiful, darlin’,” Joel’s earthy tone sighs, his hands moving along your body with a rumble of satisfaction brewing out of his chest.

His touch surrounds your cheeks as if he was bringing water up to drink from his hands, only your lips are the means to quench his thirst. You moan into the deep kiss, finding a frantic rhythm together. Fingertips dance along his torso to reach the hem of his navy t-shirt.

Hot, humid kisses line your neck to the collar of your sweatshirt. Tugging at the fabric and slipping his hand underneath, you comply to get the material off. Your t-shirt follows in its wake, the chill of the ground and Joel’s touch spreading goosebumps on your skin.

You breathe out a moan at his teeth scraping the curve of your shoulder, hands pulling at his shirt. He follows the silent order, getting the soft cotton over his head.

His hips grind down, arousal flooding your core. Another moan slips at the feeling of Joel’s breath meeting a small peak on your chest, sucking the pebbled skin.

Hips jerk up against his bulge, Joel’s throaty groan cutting into the night.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so soft…”

He gives the same treatment to the opposite breast and large fingers hook in the waistband of your shorts, tugging lightly to ask permission.

“Touch me, please. Wanna feel you…”

Joel’s lips separate from the skin with a pop. Your shorts come off, Joel retaking his place between your velvety thighs.

His eyes worship your body, dark with lust but still harboring a warmth. A slight ache burns in your hips that you completely ignore when his knuckles brush up your covered slit.

There isn’t a single thought in his head that doesn’t revolve around you.

His fingers slide against the last piece of fabric covering you, feeling your wetness through it. Your delicate sounds encourage him, thumb finding your clit and rubbing slow circles. He watches for a moment, eyes catching your face as you whine.

“Joel, please…”

His teasing doesn’t cease. Instead, he removes his thumb from your clit, hooking his finger to pull your panties to the side and exposing your wetness to the chill of the night.

“Gonna have to tell me what you want, darlin’. Not a mind reader…” He grins as you huff out your frustration.

“Please, Jesus Christ, want your fingers inside of me…” you look at him impatiently as you wait for an answer.

Biting his lip to hold back a groan, he pulls your panties off to leave you completely naked under him. His mouth waters, taking you all in as his touch runs up your bent knees.

Two fingers gather your wetness, pressing harder circles into your clit. Your whimpers egg him on, slipping down to tease your entrance with one finger.

“Good girl. ‘M gonna make this pretty pussy come around my fingers.”

With a smirk, one finger slides into you. Moans fill the still air, the tightness of you around his middle finger making him stiffen. A second finger easily joins the first to work you open.

His name is repeated like a prayer when he hooks his fingers on the uptick, searching for that rough patch inside your walls.

“Fuck, Joel, feels so fucking good,” you writhe under his touch, the sight and sound of you falling apart making him ache. He uses the hand resting on your stomach as a temporary fix for himself, a deep moan interrupting the orchestra of your whimpers and wetness. He pulls his hand away from his jeans, the need to feel you come overpowering his own.

He moves in circles around clit while fingers work in and out quicker, wanton moans growing louder and higher in pitch to accompany the sounds of your drenched cunt.

“So tight around my fingers. Feels good, yeah? You gonna come for me, sweet girl?”

The sounds you make in response are lewd, pleasure overtaking you as you rasp out, “Joel, I-I’m-”

“I know, baby. Let it happen.”

His words push you over the edge, fingers nearly pushed out from how hard you clench around them. Moans flood his ears, and all he can focus on is making that feeling last for you.

Soft breaths return when you’ve recovered, hand finding him hard and working your palm. Fingers open his button and fly, shoving the fabric as far down as you can manage.

“You sure, darlin’? We don’t have to, watching you was enough for me.”

You make your way inside his jeans, fingers wrapping around his cock and stroking slowly. He’d never really been one to care about underwear in the middle of the apocalypse, and right now he was thanking his past, lazy self for the lack of barrier. A shudder ripples down his spine, your touch so much better than his own fist.

“‘M sure, baby. Need you inside of me,” he twitches in your loose grip at the request, pushing his pants down just far enough to free himself.

Nails scrape against his scarred chest, a moan escaping you as he guides the head of his cock through your slick before positioning himself at your entrance.

His eyes lock onto where your bodies meet as he enters with a gentle thrust, your nails biting into the skin under his collarbone. He looks for a second at your face, your nod permission for him to move once you’ve adjusted to the stretch. 

He nearly comes at the sight of you taking him fully, your tightness and warmth making the edges of his vision blur. “So, so good, baby…Feels so tight and warm and wet. Perfect, you’re perfect.”

Wetness pools around the base of him and onto the grass below, drenching the sound of skin meeting skin. He watches your eyes screw shut, whimpering as you take every thrust, “Fuck, Joel. Feel so full, ‘m close already.”

His hips work you harder, feeling that taut rope in his gut near its breaking point. One hand leaves your leg held against him, licking his thumb to make quick movements on your clit. His name tumbles from your lips in a high-pitched whine and your head presses back against the ground.

“Come for me, baby.”

Your walls grip him tighter and nearly knock the wind out of his lungs, your back arching off of the grass and nails biting into his shoulders. Eyes open when you settle, clouded and full of pleasure. His thrusts grow sloppy as he chases after his own high.

“Fuck, ‘m close. Feel so damn good.”

“Come for me, please Joel, wanna see you come.”

Your begging snaps that taut feeling in his gut; he quickly pulls out and replaces your warmth with his fist. His chin falls to his chest with a guttural moan as he watches his spend cover your lower stomach, glistening in the soft light. Warmth spreads across his body in a tingle, pleasure clearing his head.

They say drowning is one of the more peaceful ways to go. Once the first few breaths of water fill your lungs, your muscles relax and there’s a warmth that washes over you. Then you pass out and everything goes black. It’s not comfortable, but the tranquility makes it better.

Joel feels like he’s drowned in you, muscles relaxed, warm peace in his chest. His vision is black for a moment, breaths deep in recovery. His eyes adjust to see moonlight flooding your face and body in cool blue. His hands start roaming again, softer this time. Pulling out of you slowly, your whimper meets his small hiss.

He lays you on your side to face him, your form molding like fresh clay.

“You okay?”

Your eyes close contently when his fingers brush your hair from your face, humming, “Fantastic. I wanted that to happen ever since I met you.”

His heart beats quicker at your confession, his mind immediately repeating those words - you’re going to fail her, too.

He only holds you closer in response, and by the time you’re both dressed again and walking back to your street, he knows that he can’t let this continue.

Guilt harbored in his chest over forcing himself to avoid you for weeks after you’d given him exactly what he longed for. He didn’t want you to think that he saw you as a one-night stand, it had felt like more than he wanted to admit, but he couldn’t seek you out to apologize. If he saw you alone, he’d end up doing it all over again. He didn’t regret it. He was just trying to do right by you. Give you space, give you the means to move on before you’d drift too far into the deep end with him.

So he decided to move on himself, try to force your hand into someone else’s if you saw him coupled up. It was cruel, but that’s who he was deep down. Cruel, guilty, undeserving.

He asked Tommy to set him up with someone, and his brother told him about a nice widow who’d been in Jackson since the beginning and had mentioned how cute she thought Joel was. That was enough for him. He asked her out that night.

He’d been dating Heather for a couple of months now. She was pretty, with medium blonde hair and blue eyes. Not much younger than him. Everyone knew they were together, and he assumed that meant you did too. He’d seen you around, eyes never meeting while he walked to his house hand-in-hand with her. He heard rumors of you leaving the Tipsy Bison with a guy in tow a few times, and despite the pang of jealousy that he felt, he kept reminding himself that this was right. You’d fall in love with that guy or someone else, forgetting all about him.

A few months of dating led them to a quick engagement. Joel still couldn’t get you out of his head and took extreme measures to ensure nothing more would happen. They got married in his backyard in a small ceremony. The occasion was lowkey, at the request of Joel. Word spread after the first outing Joel had taken to the market, the silver band on his finger telling everyone what they wanted to know. Each conversation came with congratulations to him and his new wife. He returned them with tight, polite smiles, hiding the oozing guilt that was filling his chest.

Joel had found out that you’d skipped work a few times when Tommy mentioned it in passing on patrol, which was extremely unlike you considering you loved your job. He knew it was because of his marriage.

He tried to bury his worry, telling himself that he was doing the right thing. For him and for you.

Heather had lived her young life with her first husband, she wouldn’t grow to resent him for what he failed to give her. You would move on, as he did, and find some nice guy to settle down with, who could give you what you were looking for. What you deserved.

The worry carried over the day, his brain jumping to worst-case scenarios. He had to make sure you were okay. He would knock on your door to see if you were there. It was the neighborly thing to do.

Joel silently left his bed with his wife sleeping next to him, slipping out the front door in the hours before dawn. He needed to check on you, even if he had to look in through your windows to make sure you were alive. Knuckles lightly rapped on your door, and just as he was nearly about to go find your bedroom window, the door cracked apart from the jamb, and your face was lit by the soft night light.

“What are you doing here?” He can taste the bitterness in your tone.

He swallows down at the toes of his boots, raising both shoulders in a small shrug.

“Tommy said you skipped out on work most of this week. Just wanted to make sure you were alright. That you were alive.” He tries to joke, but your expression remains annoyed.

“Well, I’m fine. Alive. You should probably go, your wife’s at home.”

The door starts to shut, but he quickly grips the edge, rasping out, “I need to talk to you.”

You pause for a second before opening the door. Not waiting for him, you move to sit on your couch. Joel strides over, sitting at the other end and cheating his body towards you curled up in the corner.

 “What do you need to talk about?”

“I need to apologize to you. I shouldn’t have ignored you after that night. Hell, that night shouldn’t have even happened. I got caught up-”

“Do you regret it?”

He thinks about saying yes. It would make everything so much easier. You could hate him, call him an asshole for fucking you and breaking your heart. But he can’t lie to you.

“No. I could never regret it.”

“So why shouldn’t it have happened?”

He sighs, wringing his hands together and resting his elbows on his knees.

“Honestly? I’ve been trying so hard to do right by you, darlin’. You deserve so much more than me. I’m broken, bruised, scarred. I’ve lived an ugly life, and I don’t want to end up giving any part of it to you. I can barely live with myself for the things I’ve done, even if I’ve done them to save my people. I’ve lost so much, and taken all the same. You’re so bright. I see it in that beautiful smile of yours. You deserve someone who can add beauty to your life, to live a long while with you. I can’t do that for you. All I’m going to do is fail you; it’s all I can seem to do these days. So I chose for us, and I moved on, and I hope you can find the same thing.”

After a breath, he feels like he can face you. That confidence crumbles immediately when he sees the tears streaming down your cheeks, the soft sniffle as you wipe your runny nose with your sleeve.

“That’s not true, Joel. You could never fail me because all I ever wanted you to give me was yourself. I love you, Joel. You are someone that can give me a beautiful life. Or could’ve, I guess, but now…” your eyes flick to the band on his left ring finger, “What you did was so fucking selfish, Joel. You couldn’t even have a conversation with me. And no matter how angry I get with you, I still can’t help but fucking love you.”

All he can do is kiss you. He’s spilling every emotion he can’t speak into this kiss. It would be wrong to tell you what you want to hear from him, even if it hurts to keep it inside him. His hands run over your body, gathering you in his arms and guiding you back to your bedroom.

He shouldn’t keep going. He should stop. But the feeling of your lips on his, your soft skin in his hands, and the fact that you love him keep his feet moving down the short hallway.

He can’t give you up. He was in way too deep and he would be damned if he wasn’t going to pull you in with him.

Despite the anger, sadness, and betrayal, your love for him overpowered it all. You needed to show him, to let him go with a searing memory of how you feel.

All of the actions between you two are sloppier than before. Each touch is rougher, grabbing at whatever you can take in the midst of heady kisses. Every movement is filled with unspoken words.

Joel gently pushes you the last few inches onto your bed, kicking off his boots and working at the buttons of his shirt, “Take it all off, baby, don't wanna waste a second.”

You’re only apart for as long as it takes for clothes to be shed. Back against the pillows of your unmade bed, arms pull Joel in and legs spread wide. His weight is supported with one arm, a soft moan exhaled as he bites his mark into your neck. Fingers move through your wetness, circling your clit.

It’s your turn to be selfish, and all you want is for Joel to feel himself inside of you. To remember what it’s like to have you when he goes home. To think about you when he fucks his wife. It feels wrong to want that, but you can’t help but feel a claim over him. The fingers tangled in his hair pull his head from its spot at the curve of your shoulder. You meet his lust-blown eyes and speak your demand.

“Fuck me, please, I need you now.”

Joel groans, fingers ceasing their movement as he questions you, “You sure, darlin’? You ready for me right now?”

“Yes, ‘m ready, please, baby,” you plead with him.

Joel repositions himself upright on his knees between your wide legs, stroking himself to get fully hard. He drags the head of his cock up your slit, coating it with your wetness before he presses the tip inside of you. You feel a tinge of pain as he splits you open, but you whisper for him to keep going.

When he’s completely inside of you, Joel sighs out your name, hands gripping your thighs and bringing one up to wrap around his waist, allowing him to sink further.

“Please, Joel, want it hard…” you whimper out, feeling the sensation of him in your gut. Joel needs no further instructions, pulling back to fuck into you hard and deep.

He watches where your bodies connect, how the drag of his cock swells your cunt. Lip pulled between his teeth, the sight makes his hips snap roughly against yours.

He’s leaving bruises with how tight he’s holding onto you, keeping you from moving up the mattress with the power of his thrusts. You don’t say anything until Joel breaks, fucking you with a possessive drive, “Mine. You’re all mine.”

“Only yours, baby. ‘M only ever gonna be yours.”

“You’re made for me, sweet girl, made to take me. Feel so fucking good, such a perfect pussy.”

You’re relieved when his eyes leave yours as he watches him hit inside you again, tears pricking your eyes from the pain and pleasure pounding through you and the thought that he won’t ever be completely yours.

That stupid piece of metal around his finger burns against the skin of your thigh. It should be a symbol of you, not someone else.

Hurt, anger, and pleasure meld together. Hands move to Joel’s shoulders, using your strength to flip over. His back hits the crumpled pillows at the headboard, sitting up as you straddle him.

“Look so beautiful on top of me, baby,” his chest rises and falls in quick succession, the next inhale sharper as you sink down completely, watching his eyes screw shut and a deep moan vibrate his chest.

“Oh fuck, take what you need, darlin’. Use my cock. I’ll give you whatever you want.”

Your mouth opens to tell him you can’t have what you want most. Because of what he decided for the both of you. Instead, a moan tumbles out, hips starting to roll to work him back to that near-ecstasy feeling. The room is filled with the wet smacks of skin meeting skin mixed with wanton moans. Your movements keep you both near the edge, your head back and eyes closed as you scream Joel’s name. He doesn’t reprimand you for potentially exposing yourselves to the neighbors, only reaching a hand to the back of your neck and pulling you in for a passionate kiss. You can tell he’s close when his feet dig into the mattress, hips under his vice grip. He starts fucking up into you, both of your rhythms meeting to work you higher. One hand leaves his chest to hold the side of his head, forcing him to meet your eyes.

“‘M yours…” you echo his lust-filled words. You need to remind him that at least part of him will always belong to you, that only you can make him feel this good, this loved. That you’re the one who fucks him like this. “Made for you, right? Just for you, baby. No one besides you can make me feel this good, make me come like you can. Ruined me for everyone else.”

“Mhmm, that’s fuckin’ right, darlin’. This pussy’s mine. You belong to me, all to me.” Joel’s thrusts become frantic and you lose your rhythm, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing quick circles.

You come hard, screaming his name again and whining with each thrust after your intense orgasm. Joel’s right behind you, your sounds pushing him over the edge. Warm ropes coat your walls, his husky groan reverberating under your palms pressed to his chest. Your voice can barely reach a whisper when you look at him, fingers moving to tug his hair, “And you belong to me.”

He doesn’t say anything if he even hears you, his skin sticking against yours and his come dripping out of you onto his stomach when you move to lie down. Joel gets up after he steadies his breath to grab a warm cloth from the bathroom to clean you up. He crawls back into bed, slipping under the covers after tossing the dirty washcloth into the hamper. Your head finds his chest, curling up into his side with his arm wrapping you up. He kisses your forehead as you drift off, feelings of guilt, anger, and love rising from your gut to sit square in your chest.

Cold sheets. That’s what you wake up to. Sitting up in bed, you glance around your room with sleepy eyes, searching for any evidence of Joel.

Nothing. He must’ve left after you fell asleep. You can’t blame him. It definitely wouldn’t look the best if his wife woke up in the morning and he was nowhere to be found. And he couldn’t risk someone seeing him sneak out of yours in the morning light.

You’re remembering your confession that was met with his claim over your body. Your own stupid attempt to make him believe that he belonged only to you, spurred on by his possessive words.

Something on the nightstand catches your eye. A note from Joel:

Meet me at our spot tonight, sweet girl

You met him that night, and nearly every night since then, too. Mostly in that overgrown field behind the barn, sometimes at yours when you craved complete comfort of the couch or bed.

Joel started staying later with you, holding you after the possessive claims he made over you like a prayer. He opened up about his time with Ellie before Jackson, stories about Boston, about Tess. What it was like growing up with Tommy, confessing he loved to sing and play guitar, even wanted to be a singer when he was younger and somehow ended up as a contractor. He even told you about his daughter Sarah, how beautiful and bright she was.

You told him your own story too. Leaving the Chicago QZ with your brother and sister when everything went to shit with FEDRA and the Fireflies. How you lost your sister soon after, bit by a straggling clicker in a gas station you were raiding. How your brother was the one to shoot her when she begged you both. Stories about traveling west with him, how he protected you until the day he died. You were chased by raiders looking to kill you both for your supplies, running through the forest just along the river outside of Jackson. You didn’t know the community was there, but it ended up being your saving grace. Your brother pushed you to run over the bridge, the men finally catching up to him. You couldn’t stop, couldn’t look back. All you could do was scream as you heard a gunshot.

Joel held you as you cried, you comforted him when he needed it. He never told you what happened after he and Ellie left Jackson that first time, he didn’t have to if he didn’t ever want to. These vulnerable moments brought you closer together.

But it was never close enough to stop the cycle he developed of pushing you away after a few weeks together, getting so in his head about the situation, feeling guilty, or getting paranoid if he suspects that Tommy or Maria or his wife are catching on. His abandonment would last a few days or even a week at a time.

And you always wait it out, always come back when he wants you.

Like a dog with a bird at his door, you gave all of yourself to him.

It’s a late night at work for you. Joel parked himself on his usual stool, drinking ‘til last call after his buddies left, something he’d done often in the last few weeks.

Tommy finished restocking the fridges under the counter and tossed you the keys to lock up. As he leaves, he gives Joel a knowing look and you a sympathetic one.

Joel slaps his hands against the bar top, standing when you walk from behind the counter. His steps falter a bit as he gets used to the ground underneath him. Steadying him with an arm around his back, he wraps his own around your shoulders to keep you at his side.

“Let me walk you home, baby.” Words slurs together, eyes half-lidded and glazed over. It would be a bit endearing to see him without his usual stoic persona, but the fact that this is the third night this week that he’s gotten this drunk is concerning.

You end up carrying Joel all the way home, and just when you’re about to get him to his front door, his strength overpowers your own and he pulls you away with him, dragging you two in a drunken stupor down the road.

His steps are heavy and sporadic while he whistles some song in your ear, reaching the field. He flops down into the grass, his arms sneaking around your waist when lay down with him. Joel pulls you in close, kissing you deeply and sighing against your mouth. He smells of whiskey, leather, and musk; all combining to be uniquely Joel.

You couldn’t bring yourself to argue with him about getting home so you let him kiss you, let his hand under your shirt. You listened to him recollecting the night with the patrol guys. The only touches exchanged were his fingertips running up and down your side under your loose t-shirt and your cheek pressed against his denim-covered chest.

He brought up a song that was playing on a record at the bar, John Lennon’s Woman. He reminisced about hearing that song as a young teen for the first time, and telling you how a couple of years later he wrote the lyrics down for his tenth-grade girlfriend, telling her he wrote a poem for her.

“She read it, obviously knowing the song. She crumpled it up, said ‘That’s John Lennon, not you, Joel Miller,” and walked away from me. Needless to say, she broke up with me.”

“Wow, a breakup over plagiarism. Must’ve been a real stickler for academic honesty,” you reply, sending both of you into giggles.

His laugh faded slightly, the wrinkles still showing next to his eyes and his smile lines present, jovially commenting, “You probably barely even know who John Lennon is.”

He laughs but his words made you feel small. He teased you before about the age difference, but for some reason, you couldn’t brush this one off.

“Y’know, I still remember what life was like then.”

His hand finds your chin, tilting your head up with a sigh, “That’s not what I meant, darlin’, you know I was just teasin’. You probably didn’t even know it was John Lennon if you heard one of his songs when you were young, baby.” You sit up quickly, separating from him.

“He was a fucking Beatle! Like the biggest band ever. I might be younger than you, but I’m not stupid. They were around even before you were born, so yeah, I do know who John Lennon is. And did you know he cheated on his first wife, like, a bunch of times and left her for one of those women? Sound familiar, Joel? Actually, probably not, ‘cause you’d never actually admit how you feel about me and leave your wife, even though you love me,” your words come out before you even have a chance to think about them, and as you look at Joel, you can tell he’s letting his anger and annoyance come over him, his expression turning to stone, “I feel like you just see me as some naive girl who doesn’t know anything or hasn’t dealt with shit in this world -”

“You haven’t done nearly a fraction of what I’ve had to do in this world, darlin’, so don’t get started. You are a naive girl. You’ve always had someone to protect you, and I’ve always been the protector. You don’t know nothin’ about losing yourself or having to do the worst possible thing just to save yourself or your people,” his voice is low and unwavering with an intensity you hadn’t heard before. He’s trying to hurt you now, bringing up the protection that you’d been given by your brother before he died to save you, the fact that you’ve always had support from him or the people of Jackson.

Your eyes gloss over, blurring his hunched-over figure. His words are venom seeping through the well-worn cracks in your heart. Curling up into a ball and chin on your kneecaps, pressing down into the bone to keep your lips from trembling. How childish you must look like this. Joel doesn’t move to comfort you, staring a thousand yards ahead, emotionless.

“I know you think I don’t know the guilt or pain or heartbreak that you feel 'cause I’ve been protected for a lot of my life in this world. But being in love with you, being some dirty secret to you, has given me enough guilt, pain, and heartbreak to last for the rest of my life.”

A shaky breath slipped out of your parted lips, untangling your limbs from their locked positions to stand. You turn away, legs carrying you home. You don’t look back, wiping your tears away as quickly as they fall. You’re exhausted from him, from this whirlpool of loving and leaving that he’s pulled you into. A part of you breaks just the slightest bit more, a new piece for you to mend whenever he calls you back.

You should hate Joel. He pulled you in and pushed you away, and all you could do was fall, but now it felt like sinking. And your feet won’t ever touch the bottom.

He’s taken your love willingly, and only given you possessive invocations over your body, only made your constant pain burn hotter. Linen soaked up the tears that were left on your cheeks as you laid down in bed, exhaustion taking over.

The image you see feels warm, blurred around the edges. It was his home, no sign of his wife but evidence of Ellie in the comic book and worn-out sneakers near the chair across the room. Soft strums of a guitar float around, and your sights lock on him at the other end of the couch. You have this feeling that you need to say something to him, but can’t remember for the life of you what it is; the moment overwhelming. He’s singing and playing guitar, unabashed, and with a genuine smile only for you. Tender brown eyes glance away as someone walks into the room. Ellie’s holding a lopsided birthday cake with a few candles lit. It’s decorated with a sloppy frosting drawing of the ocean, a boat on the horizon. It was a reminder of the daydream you had vocalized to Joel, spending a life on the shore in a small sailboat together. The song he was playing softly fades into Happy Birthday, his smile matching Ellie’s. All you hear, before the image fades, is his voice as you lean in to blow out your candles, “Happy birthday, darlin’. I love you.”

The clinking of stacking glasses is the only sound echoing through the empty bar as you and Tommy close out. Joel’s been ignoring you, has been for a couple of weeks after your fight, spending his free time picking up shifts or staying at home with his family. The rag you’re holding moves in circles over the shiny bar top, reflecting your face back to you. You can see the pain in your eyes seeping back after spending the night putting on a face for your customers.

“You don’t need to keep on paintin’ that pretty smile on your face, hon. I hate seein’ you looking like you’re gonna crack your jaw from forcing yourself to look happy,” Tommy sighs, looking over at you while he continues to polish the glass in his hand. “What he’s doing to you, it’s wrong. You deserve to be treated with respect.”

“He wasn’t doin’ anything I wasn’t letting him do. It takes two, Tommy. Think you’d know that with a newborn around,” you try to lighten the mood, kicking yourself for still defending Joel.

“I know. But I also know how you look at him. Like you’ve been drownin’ at sea and he’s the one who’s come along to save you.” You finally look up from your reflection on the bar surface; the shame in your face becomes too much for you.

“At this point, it feels more like he’s the one pulling me under.” 

Tommy sets the glass down and tosses the rag at it. Closing the small space between, he pulls you against his chest, arms around your shoulders. You can’t cry in front of him, embarrassed that he even knows about you and Joel in the first place, let alone that he feels sorry for you. You reciprocate the hug, gingerly wrapping your arms around his torso. The sound of the door swinging echoes in the large room. Tommy let’s you out of his comforting embrace and turns to meet the late patron.

Joel.

He’s standing across the room, eyes moving between his brother and you. He came looking for you, not expecting Tommy to still be closing out the bar with the baby at home. A furrowed brow creases lines between those soft, guilt-ridden brown eyes. The same look he’s had every time he’s shown up at your door at 2 AM to apologize, kiss you, show you how much he needs you. You fall every time, wanting to be his comfort, his relief. His lighthouse in the storm of remorse he’s constantly battling. Loyal to a fault.

At this moment, you wish for a wave to pull you under and sweep you into the tide.

Tommy asked him to wait outside.

Asked is generous. More like, grabbed Joel by the collar and dragged him outside like a scolded puppy, pointing his finger and giving him a strong, “Stay.”

He did as he was told, leaning against the post at the top of the stairs. Arms crossed over his chest and anxiously tapping his foot against the wood porch.

Both you and Tommy left at the same time. Joel would be knocked out on the spot if Tommy had his way, judging by the look on his face. The younger Miller wished you goodnight and you gave him a reassuring nod as you stayed back to face Joel.

Tommy’s out of sight and out of earshot before you break the silence.

“So…why’d you come here? Thought you’d be done with the naive girl.”

Joel raises to his full height, taking a hesitant step toward you. You don’t move away, but he keeps his distance in order to get his thoughts out.

“Darlin’, I’m -” he starts, pausng for a moment to gather his words, “I keep doin’ this, don’t I? Being happy with you, then pushing you away and hurting you. I’m sorry, sweet girl. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I shouldn’t have said those things to you, I know what you’ve been through. You’re not naive. You’re mindful, attentive in ways I could never be. I hurt you. I haven’t done this the right way. I haven’t protected you like I should’ve 'cause I couldn’t stay away from you. I’m what you needed saving from and I’ve been too selfish to keep us both from drowning.”

You worry your lip between your teeth as tears gloss over your eyes. He steps closer to you, hands reaching up to cup your face. He’s not sure if you’re going to slip between his fingers, but he’s trying his best to keep you there with him. Tears fall, his thumbs working to wipe them away. Not letting a drop of you to slip away from his touch.

He can see the innerworkings of your brain in your eyes. He knows how to read you; he can see the battle in your head about whether or not he’s saved this time. Your voice is coated in emotion when you finally speak up again, “I’ve heard drowning is actually kind of a peaceful way to go, all things considered. And if it’s going to be with anyone, I’d choose you.”

That damn smile finds its way across your face in spite of your tears, and he can’t help but mirror it. It’s a welcome home for him, the light pulling him into your harbor - safe once again. He leans down to press a soft, tender kiss to your lips, deepening it for a moment when you reciprocate.

His hand finds yours when he pulls away, “Let’s go for a walk, sweet girl.”

Joel leads you away from the bar, walking down your street. You slow down when you get in front of your cottage, moving to walk down your path. He stops you, shaking his head and mouth ticking up in a small smile. His eyebrows are raised in a silent question, asking you to come with him. You fold easily, taking your place next to his side, hands intertwined.

He takes you to your spot where he’s set up a blanket and a couple of flickering lanterns for some light, but not enough to disturb the view of the moon.

“Joel…this is wonderful, I’m - I don’t know what to say, thank you.” Your hand squeezes his and he shrugs the praise off.

“Don’t thank me, baby, I should be doin’ this for you all the time. ‘S what you deserve.”

He’d gotten a couple of strange stares when he’d been walking down the road with a blanket under one arm and the lanterns in his hand. It occurred to him that people would think he was doing it for his wife, that they might ask her about it tomorrow and he’d be in for a line of questioning. But damn the consequences, he needed to do this for you. To give you something.

Joined hands pointing out more constellations he remembers and ones that Ellie knew, having asked her specifically to help him find the one for your zodiac. As the two of you lay on your backs, curled into each other, he’s taken back to the conversation Ellie and him had about their combined dream of a sheep ranch on the moon. Now that dream, at least for him, included you, too.

“I think it’d be nice out there. Without this world, feeling weightless.” He wishes for that down here, to lighten the load on his chest and the guilt on his shoulders. A different life.

You hum in agreement and he continues, “I wish I could just bring the moon down here, to take the weight off us, and to give Ellie the chance to get her dream.”

You’re quiet for a beat before your words wrap him in warmth, “If I could give you the moon, I would.” 

You’d do anything for him, he knows that. And he’d do anything for you.

As those words cross his mind, the ring from his finger burns in his pocket. He’d taken it off to rid you both of the reminder of how this night would end, how every night would end. A little metal circle that has decided your fates, at least for now. His voice is slightly gravelly in his throat as he answers, “Maybe in another life, yeah?”

if you got to the end, i'm giving you a big smooch.

taglist: @swiftispunk (supportive bae)